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John
So I'm a, I'm a blue collar guy. I'm a, I work hard, I'm a 12 hour nights for the last, you know, four years guy. Damn. I've moved a lot with my wife. We've been married five years and I hate talking about stuff, but basically she wanted to move closer to her mom. So I sold a very nice house in a very good area which was like five star schools, the whole thing.
Mike
Oh no.
John
When I got over here, I was just carrying a lot of resentment because. Because it's like you made me sell a half a million dollar house and pay the same mortgage on a $350,000 house that's close to your mom, you know, tough. And put me 30 grand in debt. So I'm upset. And then she's spending, we're spending an average $11,000 a month and she can't see why that bothers me.
Mike
Right, right. So go on, keep going.
John
Sorry. Yeah, yeah. So I'm just harboring resentment and I start drinking pretty heavy again. Not every day I'm somebody who, I'm not going to miss my kids or miss work, but on a weekend after I put the kids down, I'll sit over here and self wallow a bit and drink. So now since I've been six months sober, because long story short, I made a big mistake. She took my kids and took off. I didn't cheat on her or sleep with anybody, but I just put myself in position I shouldn't have been in where I was having conversations I shouldn't have had, which is not okay. I take.
Mike
Didn't even get moved out, kids gone. Didn't even get your dick sucked, bro. Living in a house you hate. Dude, let me tell you, didn't even take the raccoon butt plug out of the girl you met on Discord and put your dick in, man, and you lost it all.
John
Not the, not the red gem, right? No, no, no. But she. Don't get me wrong, this girl has like. She's the girl who got two coaches fired and, and you know, all those things like growing up, like she's been a problem.
Mike
Damn.
John
And so I knew like no, no shot. But apparently when they were giving me moonshine, which I'm not a moonshine drinker, I don't know who is really.
Mike
But they were giving it to you like you're a child getting dose.
John
No, no, no. I take responsibility for my drinking. But I will say that I didn't bring the, the alcohol.
Mike
Okay, to where? Where are you talking about? Who Is they. Where did you bring.
John
Yeah, so basically I made a mistake. I took responsibility. I miss my kids. I'm. I am a good father.
Mike
No, I know we're busting your balls.
John
I play with my kids, I sleep five hours and I repeat it. And I've been making six figures since I was 20 years old. Like I'm, I'm a hard working.
Mike
Yeah, dude, the 12 hour nights, I mean some blue cop, like that is the. I worked at a machine shop where we did 12 hour shifts and it was like, you know, in the, the summer of. And it was like a legitimate, like part of me was like, if I didn't want to do comedy, I was looking at how much I was making already and like how much there was like union, like raises and I was seeing like these fucking guys who were just like, you know, just, they're just fucking red. You just look at them like these fucking hillbillies, right, with like shitty trucks. And then I see how much they're making. I'm like, wait, why the fudge? And it was awesome. Because it's like, yes, it's tiring work, obviously, but it's like you don't really take it home with you. And it's like I, you know, we've been, we're big blue collar guys here, so you know that it does fuck you up. Obviously you're tired and there's like wear and tear on your body. But you know, if you work hard and you're in the right position, that's obviously a great, a great track to go down. So, so where are you now? What's going on? What's kind of like where do you find yourself? What do you, what are you thinking about? What's, what's like directly troubling you in this, in your circumstances?
John
Yes. So the big thing is, is that she was thinking about coming home and then she is very like hyper religious. Once she got over here with her mom to a point where they believe in prophets and they pay to go to these events where they talk about like people prophesize over them and they, they find out about their prophetic powers. And so she, she tells me, she wakes up like she's coming, right? She's going to come home. We're going to work this out. It's what's best for the kids. We still love each other. And she tells me she had a dream about Donald Trump baptizing two babies and that the number two and the president.
Mike
Hold the color second here, man. Is this worth it? I mean, Jesus Christ.
John
This is literally the question, right? That's kind of what I'm calling.
Mike
This is crazy.
John
Look, you have love for your nephew, right? My kids is like, that times a thousand.
Mike
Yeah.
John
For sure thing, right?
Mike
Yeah.
John
And. And I'm not a dad who's, like, not there. I mean, I'm a dad who comes home, plays with his kids. I take him to the pool. I take them. I hold my daughter all day, like. Yeah. And I do law. I do laundry. I do dishes. Like, I'm a good husband as well, don't get me wrong. And I do all those things. I don't really have time for myself, and I think that's kind of where I get into the drinking. But now I got my meetings and stuff, and that all helps. But anyways, for my kids, it's just like, where do I draw the line? Because the way I grew up and where I grew up and, you know, I. I had issues with being like, ego and anger, being quick to anger, and just, like, people don't talk to me that way. This and that. And I've worked on those things for a long time, and I'm trying to draw a line between where's it stopping ego and start being enabling and. And just. Do I really want to go to court? Because she sent me paperwork yesterday, and the paperwork's like, she wants me to have them every other weekend, and that's it. And she wants me to give her five grand a month. And I'm like, you're crazy. Sorry. Excuse my language. I'm like, you're. How dare you have my kids.
Mike
How. Yeah. Please apologize more profusely for saying thank you very much. It's not that kind of getting ready to move back in with his religious w.
John
There's some dude over there setting butt pics in the chat. This is where we should do that. No. Yeah, that's kind of. My question is, like. Oh, and I guess I left out a very interesting part, is that I caught her, like, basically two weeks after we had split up, like, just separated. Then two months later, she had me pay for a trip where she was going on a retreat to get close to God.
Mike
Oh, no.
John
And when she came back, I went through her phone, and I basically paid for a trip for her to go. Some guy that she met on Instagram.
Mike
Yeah. That's nuts. I mean.
John
Yeah. And then you want to talk down to me about religion and how.
Mike
I mean, by the way, this is insane. Like, I just don't know. Okay, look, your kids are obviously the big thing here. Right. And that's obviously, like, your kids are your number one priority. That's how it should be. It's very admirable for you. I think it's pretty clear. I. I don't know, man. From everything you're talking about, it doesn't seem like you're basically. It's like you don't want to be with this person. And you're like, this is. This will be better for my kids and it'll save me a. Some lawyer fees. But it's like, that's not a good enough reason to enter into this relationship again, in my opinion. Right. Like, you clearly have resentments about the fucking house. Right. Like, clearly you're still not over that. Like, you regret. I bet you if. If you're. If it wasn't. If you didn't have kids with this woman, there's no way you're getting back together with her, right?
John
No. No. No shot. No. Not. Well, I'd like to say that I would be patient and try to help her through it, but the thing is, if you, like, you have no empathy, you have no, like, voice of reason in your head and that you're a victim. There's no change that she's seeking. And, like, that's more my problem because I would be. I've been five years patient. About the only two things I've ever asked her to do, which is spend less money and be more involved as a family.
Mike
Right. I guess I forgot about the money thing too. Yeah. And then the mom's is kind of weird because it's like, again, it's nice to be around your family, obviously, but it's also like, you know, at the. At the same time, you, Your family, once you have kids, your family is your immediate family. That's. That's a one. And then obviously your parents should be up there. But it's like, it sounds like they have some kind of strange, kind of weird religious relationship going on here. Sounds like you don't really get along with her. With her mom.
John
I'm. I'm Mexican and. And she is not. And so right away her mom was like, you know, they still call people colored, right? It's very much like they're that way. So she didn't like me for that reason. I reach the branch out a lot and try to fix that. But, yeah, she went straight to living with her mom. And as soon as things happen, even when I had bought a nice house in the Midwest, she would. I'd basically be flying her out every two weeks or like every Two months. I mean, to be out here with her mom. And it's like. It's like to me, it's my wife, then my kids. Cuz I know for my kids to be right, my. Me and my wife have to be right. But to her, it's like her mom, her dad.
Mike
I got. Buddy, I got some really bad news for you. You and your wife are never going to be right. Like, that's. That's the problem here. And look, maybe. Maybe I'm being too. This is. This is troubling me. I'll just. Do you see this? Sorry. Sorry. Okay. Okay, good. I thought it was the computer. Okay. Sorry, man. We had. We had. We have a problem with the monitor. But dude, I just don't hear anything here that sounds like. That sounds worth you. And you know, you did, you did. You made some mistakes too, but it's also like, it's. I don't know. It didn't happen in a vacuum. You're clearly pretty unhappy. And should you have addressed the things that bothered you before you started sending your dick to some girl you never even got to? Probably.
John
I didn't do it. I didn't do anything like that.
Mike
What the did you even do, man? You flirting a little.
John
I mean, for you, I flirted, yeah. But for you, like, with you, I'm sure you can understand, like, breaking old habits and like, kind of like the things you picked up being around a dad who kind of would flip his lid or be sure and. Well, for me, my dad was a drunk, a big drinker.
Mike
And look, and you obviously have subs, right? You have a. You have a drinking problem, but you're. You're. You're big. You know, that's not even a sin if. If you're taking care of it. And I got to be honest, you, man, it doesn't sound like. And look, whatever. She fucked some guy when you guys were separated. Not great. Making you pay for. It's insane. Once you're separated, it's like you can't really be playing the like. But if we're really to keep score here, it's like it does at the very least, right? Without getting into the details and saying who's wrong or whatever, at the very least, it's not a functional relationship. It's not something that it seems like you're actually. That you actually want to get back into, right? This just seems like something you feel like you should do. And un. And yes, in a perfect world, would you have a good relationship with the mother of your children? Would you Be together. Yes. But I'll tell you. And I don't know what kind of family you grew up in, but it's like a functioning divorced family is way better than a constantly dysfunctional, you know, together on paper family, in my opinion. Right. Like, yeah. And.
John
Yeah.
Mike
And I also think what's. Go ahead. Go ahead. No, go ahead.
John
I think what scares me about that, too, is that I'm very reasonable. And, like, I understand, you know, I want 50. 50. And I'll set my schedule up so that I could do that. I'll make sure I get help out here. But for her, it's. If it's not her way, it's no way. And she's. Did she work?
Mike
I'm sorry? Did she have a job?
John
No. So she's put in the paperwork that.
Mike
We gotta stop talking before you turn me into a one of those. What's your body count? Podcast. You're. I'm feeling them. I'm feeling the misogyny coursing through my veins right now.
John
Ridiculous. You. Five grand. She wants me to pay for her to go to school, and I've spent the last five years.
Mike
That's crazy.
John
Buying houses and places for her to go to the best schools. And then she comes up with a reason. Like, she stopped believing in child care, so she doesn't believe in child care anymore. And I'm like, when I have them, I have. No. My family's all on the West Coast. You moved me to the East Coast. Like, I'm gonna get them vaccinated and put them in childcare while I'm working.
Mike
Oh, my God.
John
She's like. She's like, no, that's not gonna happen. I put it in the paperwork. They can't be vaccinated. And that I had a prophetic. I had it prophesized over me that the kids are going to be homeschooled. And I was like, have you met a homeschooled kid? Yeah, my kid's not going to be homeschooled.
Mike
I mean, dude, you're getting pissed talking to the imaginary version of her in your head. What do you think's going to happen when you're in the same house? Like, I hate to. I mean, I just don't think you're. You're basically trying to be like. You're trying to be like Colin Powell, who's like, oh, fuck, we shouldn't be in Iraq, but the Iraq war is unjustified. But George Bush is gonna do it anyway. I guess I better go overlook it. I best. I guess I better go get involved. It's, it's inevitable. It's like, so you're basically like, wow, this woman is, for, you know, lack of a better term, a dumb. And I don't want, I don't want her to be raising my kids half, you know, raising my kids without my supervision, without me trying to run interference. I got bad news, brother. This is the mother of your children one way or another. And I think you re entering a toxic relationship where she weirdly has you by the balls, even though I don't really see what you did that wrong. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, somebody who has, you know, paid for everything, you seem to be, you seem to. If you have, if you have fault here, it's, it's sort of like allowing yourself to be pushed around by her and not setting boundaries earlier in the relationship to stop this kind of behavior or stop the relationship not realizing earlier that this is the, this is the kind of unreasonable person that you do not mix well with. That is not someone who's going to be healthy for you long term if you have, if you, Your biggest mistake is that not, you know, whatever minor infidelity that especially somebody's. I don't mean to get 1950s with it, but it's like you're paying for everything and all you did was flirt with somebody when you were pissed off, you moved to the exact house she wanted to. It ain't great, but it's not the kind of thing that should ruin a family, in my opinion. Again, we don't have all the facts. Whatever, whatever. Suck my dick if you don't agree.
John
But I think there's. Yeah, there's. I was like, there's. I touched butt over the jeans. I fucked up. I'm fucking.
Mike
Hey, you're at a crowded bar trying to get by, you know. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Look, the point is, the point is whatever it is, right, you know, whatever it is right, there's, there's wrong on both sides. Whatever. The reality is, I don't see any way you could be with this person. I think your resentments are too, you are justifiably too high. I think you're right that this sucks, that it's going to cost you more money in the long run. You better get a fucking good ass lawyer. She doesn't seem like the kind of person who's going to be reasonable. It will be, it will be fucking annoying. But the alternative, you're. The alternative that you're thinking about doesn't exist, bro. Like like, we get back together and it's good enough. Like, that's not how you want to live your life. That's not what you want to teach your children a relationship is, right? Like, you want to go work hard, spend your half your time with them, hopefully get into a good relationship, find somebody else that's functional for you, right? And you're working on your. You're working on your substance abuse problems. You're working. You're in therapy. You're getting over, like, all, you know, ego, anger, whatever childhood stuff you have, you're working on that. The best thing for your children, especially. Especially given the fact that, yeah, unfortunately, they're gonna spend half the time with somebody who thinks she's prophetic. Like, best case scenario, she's mildly schizophrenic. Worst case scenario, she's just stupid. Like, that's. That's who's gonna be raising your children half the time. And. And her mom. You're. I mean, that's. This is. And, yes, it sucks, but this is a lesson to, like, who. Whatever your next relationship is, you can't, you know, just let yourself kind of get pushed over and think, well, in the future, we're gonna fix this, right? Like, you have to set clear boundaries, you know, the kind of person you want to be with. You know, it's not who you had children with. You know? You know what I mean? Like, you guys are separated. This is a lesson for you. Unfortunately, you learned it in a. You're gonna learn it in an incredibly costly way. You're gonna learn. You're gonna. Between lawyer fees and child support, whatever the. I don't know the details of that stuff. Alimony, all that, right?
John
And I'm down 25. Like.
Mike
Yeah, I mean, you made a huge error. This is. This person.
John
The thing is, dude, is like, you know, it's like, you want to be vulnerable. You want to trust this person. You want to give them what they want and think that they're gonna have your back. And then it's like, instead, they just become somebody who is privileged and expects things. And it's like, how does that work? You know what I mean? So then what are you.
Mike
What I'm trying to figure out, Like.
John
I have to not do the right things and not be a good guy to you for you to want to do things that you say I keep you from doing. That makes no sense. It's so sideways, man. Yeah, it's just such a victim's mentality. I mean, look, I've worked hard my whole life. Man, like, yeah, give me.
Mike
You're clearly not compatible, dude. You know? Yes, you. Like, I don't even need to know the exact. And look, my hunches. You're completely right. Right? But even if you weren't right, and even if you're like, you're just not compatible with this person, this person is not right for you. And you need to understand, like, you going forward, you cannot have. These are not the types of people you can have relationships with. And I think right now you need to focus on figuring out the best way out of this relationship long term. You know, I mean, she doesn't have any money, right? Hope you could afford a better lawyer. Unless her mom is rich or some trying.
John
Her parents paid for a lawyer. They already served me paperwork, but I have a really good. I got a good family. And I basically sent the paperwork to my pops, came down here, bought up a bunch of properties so that he can move some of my family out here.
Mike
That's great, man. Well, that's. That's huge. And I think this is the. This is the lesson. There's no salvaging this, right? There's rebuilding your life. There's creating a good environment for your children. It's nice that some of your family is going to move out there. That's huge because that sucks that you're isolated over there. But, you know, focus on being a good dad, keep that work ethic going and just. That's it, bro. I mean, it's gonna suck. Clearly. This is not. I. This doesn't feel like the kind of separation that's gonna be, you know, very. It's not gonna be friendly. It's not gonna be. Let's. Let's keep the lawyers out of it. Let's just. What's right. She's gonna try and get every dime. This, you know.
John
Yeah.
Mike
Win. Do your best to win this custody and this lawsuit or whatever happens. And then from then on, whatever it is, don't be. You know, just move forward and do the best you can for your kids. And the best thing you can do is learn from a personal level. Learn from this. Know the kind of person you want to end up with. And eventually you will. You'll have a sort of, you know, maybe you'll end up with just a nice. They'll get a nice stepmom. You know what I mean? You'll. You'll provide a nice environment for them. You'll have your family around, and. And that's that, bro. It sucks.
John
Yeah, it.
Mike
It'd be nice if it went A different way. But you know, I think I go.
John
Back to the Latino girls, dude.
Mike
Those. Not a bad idea.
John
They're, they're, they're jealous. But let me tell you, they're loyal.
Mike
You know, you're going to overcorrect hard the other way and just get, you're going to get stabbed with.
John
Do you see me wearing pink a.
Mike
Lot with my hair? Really?
John
Well, gel.
Mike
Go back, return. This turns you, this turns you into a Latino supremacist with the, with these tongue, talking Midwestern religious dumb.
John
Well, dude, I will tell you something about being blue collar in the east coast though, man. Is like, it is what you said. It's a bunch of hillbillies and pickups and a lot of trump stickers on any earth. Like any surface you can put a sticker on, there's a trump sticker there, dude.
Mike
But they're pretty. Listen, I always got along with those guys. Like on a personal level, it's not a bad time. It's just that you don't want to start talking about how they think society should be.
John
Oh my, you know, the, the, the, the. They're like, oh, you know, their schools are gay. And I was like, what school? Where did you need this?
Mike
You don't have children. Your children have been out of school.
John
For 20 years because of the, the gay kids. They're like, all right, dude.
Mike
Yeah, I know it sucks. Hopefully one day we can, we can get these guys on our side by them realizing who's, who's robbing them is, is the upper class. But because they are a good time and we have a lot more in common with them than we have differences. It's just that they fall for some dumb.
John
You know, we're all mad about middle class taxes, so I guess we can all kind of touch base.
Mike
Yeah. I mean the middle class is getting. That is the absolute truth. And until everyone understands that and understands that the only way around that middle class tax has been going up while the taxes for the, you know, top percentage has been going down. They pay less percentage than they ever had than they have in a long.
John
Time even, even in the recent bill. But all they focus on is not taxed overtime for. I think it's only up to like 10 grand or something.
Mike
Yeah. Which is. It's just something that sounds.
John
It's just something that looks good.
Mike
Exactly.
John
And they bury the rest of what they gave to the rich.
Mike
Yeah.
John
And they still, they still say, but anyways, brother, I got to let you go. I know you got a bunch of other calls I will say, love your podcast. Listening for a long time. Love you, L.D.
Mike
Thank you, man.
John
You guys are great, man, and your weight loss journey and I hope you find some love, man, in your life, bro. You're not lovingly at the end of the day, brother.
Mike
Thanks, man. And listen, call, call us back. Calls back and keep us updated. Like, you know, when this is all maybe like a year, how you're, how you're doing, settled. Hopefully this is all over and you're, you know, you're doing good.
John
Yeah, brother, I will, I will. I mean, I tell you what, if she gets my kids, dude, I'll leave a message. You know, if she thinks I'm paying.
Mike
Hey, maybe don't if that. If you. Depending on what you're planning, maybe don't leave a message, but. All right, dude, we'll talk to you later, brother. Good luck.
John
Take it easy.
Stavvy's World: Episode Summary Title: Bonus #138 - Live Call Show Vol. 28 [PATREON PREVIEW] Host: Stavros Halkias Release Date: July 24, 2025
Introduction
In this bonus episode of Stavvy's World, host Stavros Halkias engages in a heartfelt and candid live call with a listener named John. The conversation delves deep into John's personal struggles involving marital discord, financial strain, substance abuse, and a challenging custody battle. With Mike acting as a sounding board, the episode offers raw insights and advice on navigating complex emotional and legal landscapes.
1. Background: John's Personal and Marital Situation
John begins by painting a picture of his hardworking, blue-collar life. Holding down 12-hour night shifts for the past four years, he underscores the dedication he has towards his job and family. However, this commitment came at a personal cost:
“I sold a very nice house in a very good area which was like five star schools, the whole thing.”
[00:00] John
John and his wife have been married for five years, during which they relocated multiple times to be closer to her mother. This move required John to sell a half-million-dollar home, replacing it with a $350,000 house, accruing $30,000 in debt. This significant financial shift planted the seeds of resentment.
“Because it's like you made me sell a half a million dollar house and pay the same mortgage on a $350,000 house... and put me 30 grand in debt.”
[00:24] John
2. Financial Strain and Resentment
The relocation not only impacted John's finances but also strained his relationship with his wife. With monthly expenditures averaging $11,000, John feels his concerns are dismissed by his spouse, exacerbating his frustration and leading him to resort to heavy drinking as a coping mechanism.
“So now since I've been six months sober... because long story short, I made a big mistake. She took my kids and took off.”
[00:49] John
3. Substance Abuse and Personal Accountability
John acknowledges his relapse into heavy drinking, highlighting a period where he allowed resentment to cloud his judgment. Despite his struggles, he emphasizes his commitment to sobriety for six months and takes responsibility for his actions.
“I take responsibility for my drinking. But I will say that I didn't bring the alcohol.”
[02:03] John
4. Custody Battle and Separation
A pivotal moment in the discussion revolves around John's separation from his wife, which, despite his claims of loyalty and efforts to be a good father, led to her taking their children. The custody battle is further complicated by his wife's extremist religious beliefs, including prophetic visions involving political figures.
“She tells me she had a dream about Donald Trump baptizing two babies and that the number two and the president.”
[04:14] John
5. Mike's Candid Advice and Critique
Mike offers blunt and unfiltered feedback, critiquing John's decisions and the unhealthy dynamics of his relationship. He suggests that reconciliation is unlikely and advises John to prepare for a protracted legal battle to secure custody and financial stability.
“Buddy, I got some really bad news for you. You and your wife are never going to be right.”
[07:13] Mike
Mike emphasizes the importance of focusing on John's children and advises him to seek a competent lawyer to navigate the custody and financial disputes ahead.
6. Cultural and Familial Tensions
John touches upon cultural disparities between him (identifying as Mexican) and his wife, noting racial prejudices from her side of the family. These cultural clashes have further strained their relationship, making mutual understanding and compromise difficult.
“I'm Mexican and. And she is not. And so right away her mom was like...”
[08:08] John
7. Future Outlook and Legal Considerations
As the conversation progresses, Mike underscores the unlikelihood of a harmonious resolution. He advises John to focus on his role as a father, maintain his work ethic, and learn from past mistakes to foster a better future for his children.
“You better get a fucking good ass lawyer. She doesn't seem like the kind of person who's going to be reasonable.”
[17:48] Mike
Mike also highlights the importance of setting boundaries and recognizes that continuing the current relationship trajectory could lead to further emotional and financial turmoil.
8. Reflections and Mutual Encouragement
Towards the end of the call, both John and Mike reflect on the situation's complexity. John acknowledges his past mistakes and expresses a desire to improve, while Mike encourages him to stay resilient and prioritize his children's well-being.
“But in the grand scheme of things, somebody who has, you know, paid for everything, you seem to be...”
[11:07] Mike
John expresses gratitude for the support and shares hopes of moving forward positively, possibly exploring new relationships once his current issues are resolved.
“Love your podcast. Listening for a long time. Love you, L.D.”
[21:22] John
Conclusion
This episode of Stavvy's World offers a raw and unfiltered look into the challenges faced by individuals grappling with marital discord, financial strain, and custody battles. Through John's candid sharing and Mike's straightforward advice, listeners gain insights into the complexities of personal relationships and the importance of self-accountability, resilience, and prioritizing one's children. The episode serves as a valuable resource for anyone navigating similar struggles, emphasizing the need for support systems and professional guidance in overcoming life's adversities.
Notable Quotes with Timestamps
This comprehensive summary encapsulates the essence of Bonus #138 of Stavvy's World, providing listeners with a clear understanding of the discussed topics, emotional undertones, and the practical advice shared during the live call.