Bonus #150 - Live Call Show Vol. 33 [PATREON PREVIEW]

Summary

Stavvy's World – Bonus #150 Live Call Show Vol. 33 [PATREON PREVIEW]

Date: October 16, 2025
Host: Stavros Halkias
Guests/Co-Hosts: Eldest
Episode Theme: Live advice show – a returning caller navigates relationship uncertainty, sexual compatibility, and doubts about a partner's sexuality and commitment.

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Overview

This live call episode of Stavvy's World features a returning caller seeking relationship advice from Stavros and Eldest. The conversation dives into themes of sexual compatibility, the challenges of modern dating, doubts about partners' sexuality, and the recurring patterns that can keep someone stuck in unsatisfying relationships. Delivered with Stavros' trademark humor and frankness, the segment offers both empathy and tough love.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller’s Update on Previous Relationship

• Recap: The caller previously rang in about a long, frustrating relationship with an emotionally unavailable man. The hosts recall the situation and how earlier advice ("just talk about it") didn’t provide the caller with the clarity she hoped for.
• Resolution: The caller ended the relationship after making him watch a video—possibly their previous segment—which did little to help.
  • Quote:

    "That even after taking, like, the universal advice that we give, which is, like, just talk about it, you didn't get, like, even an inch closer to any closure, any clarity." — Stavi (01:15)

2. Moving On: New Relationship Complications

• New Relationship: Now seeing a new guy; sex is happening but with complications (he can’t orgasm due to medication).
• Red Flags Surface: The caller finds herself needing to pull the truth out of him, showing a pattern of communication issues.
• Vacation Incident: On a getaway, the boyfriend confides about a past sexual experience with another man but is oddly fixated on how he "was on top," indicating insecurity about his sexuality.
  • Quote:

    "So he told me he, like... made it very clear that he's like, oh, but I was on top. And I'm like, I don't really care. But, like, if that's what you need to tell me, it's really funny." — Caller (04:10)

3. Worries About Partner’s Sexuality

• Doubt & Concern: The caller wonders if she is being used as a stepping stone for her partner to explore or clarify his sexuality and worries about being left if he realizes he’s fully gay.
• Hosts Jump In: Both hosts emphasize that it’s perfectly valid to break it off if the "vibes just aren’t right," regardless of sexuality.
  • Quote:

    "You break it off because the vibes just aren't right overall...you should work on kind of only sticking with something if it feels good, like you've made progress and that this person will fuck you. But that doesn't mean it's, like, exactly what you want." — Eldest (07:15)

4. Relationship Patterns and Self-Reflection

• Patterns Identified: The hosts point out that the caller may habitually commit to difficult situations—emotionally unavailable or questioning partners.
  • Quote:

    "Is like, what is it about you that draws these [sad boy, insecure guys] in? ... Maybe you are just like a, almost like a comforting presence where they feel like they can be..." — Eldest (12:05)

• Advice to Broaden Horizons: She is encouraged to avoid falling into monogamy with someone she's unsure about and instead explore dating multiple people.
  • Quote:

    "You need to kind of just explore a little bit because this is better than the last one. But it doesn't seem like it's exactly what you want." — Stavi (18:25)

5. Dealing with Guilt and Ending Things

• Closure is Hard: The caller feels anxious about breaking it off right after her partner was vulnerable, but the hosts assure her that it’s part of dating—and not a reflection of her being "rude" or "homophobic."
  • Quote:

    "You're homophobic if you don't want people to have rights, but you're not homophobic if...for me personally, I don't even know why, maybe it's fucked up, but I just know it's a problem for me, that's okay, too." — Eldest (13:52)

• Direct Recommendation: The hosts break it down to two options: "take it to the next level" (be exclusive and serious), or "move on and date more people."
  • Quote:

    "You need to end this. I think on to the next. You need...to get more plates spinning." — Stavi (17:16)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "I need dick. And then the guy's like, I just want to go hiking." — Eldest (01:08)
  (Summing up the original frustration with her ex)

• "Are you just being drawn to guys who are just clearly gay and cannot come to terms with it? You live in Los Angeles." — Stavi (11:36)
  (Highlighting both regional stereotypes and the pattern the caller might be stuck in)

• "Send them this clip. It worked for you the first time?" — Stavi (20:08)
  (Teasing the caller’s bold move in the previous breakup)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:00–01:28]: Recap of previous call, awkward video intervention, and closure issues with ex
• [01:28–03:24]: Introduction of new relationship and its sexual challenges
• [03:24–05:07]: Vacation incident; discussion of partner’s bisexual experience and insecurity
• [06:04–08:47]: Caller’s doubts about being a “stepping stone”; hosts counsel about fear, honesty, and compatibility
• [10:12–12:54]: Situation-ship vs. true dating; advice to define expectations and avoid limbo
• [13:41–15:53]: Discussion of breaking it off, personal dealbreakers, and the value of vulnerability vs. misalignment
• [17:16–19:26]: Summing up: the need to end things or escalate, decision points, and moving forward
• [19:26–20:11]: Last bits of reassurance, breaking bad dating patterns, and a little callback humor about sending breakup podcast clips

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Advice Summary

• If unsure about the relationship, it's okay to end it rather than stay out of obligation or guilt.
• Being honest and seeking partners with compatible goals matters more than sticking it out for the sake of tradition or comfort.
• Experimentation in dating and stepping outside the pattern of “one complicated guy at a time” can help clarify what you want.
• It's healthy to self-reflect—not just about partners' issues but also about your own recurring relationship patterns.
• Having dealbreakers about partner's past or sexual experience is okay, as long as it doesn’t cross into prejudice or shaming.

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This episode offers a raw and often funny look at the nuances of dating, boundaries, and personal growth in relationships—reminding listeners that it’s valid to break away from those who aren’t the right fit and to keep growing until you find what feels right.

Transcript

[Stavi]

So just the mess. You're on with me and stuff. So just remind us. I believe we talked to you when we were in Birmingham.

[Eldest]

They don't know where we were.

[Stavi]

Whatever. We talked to you on the live call. We talked to you on a live call in tour. And you. Were you the one who was, like, dating a guy forever who just wouldn't. You.

[Eldest]

Oh, yeah. What if it's not?

[Caller]

Yeah, but I kind of, like, that's not why I called in. That's gone.

[Eldest]

It's done, I guess.

[Caller]

The fast update. Like, I made him watch the video.

[Stavi]

You what? Oh, he watched it. He watched the video.

[Eldest]

Wow. We're really, like, launder. People are laundering conversations through us now. That's so funny.

[Caller]

He just, like, wasn't getting it. And then I was just, like, annoyed because towards the end he was like, yeah, I agree. And I'm like, okay, with what? That, like, you have a problem. That we're gonna talk about it. Like, what's the deal?

[Eldest]

Right?

[Caller]

He just, like, wasn't giving me an answer.

[Eldest]

Wow.

[Caller]

Towards the end, he like, let's just, like, take it slow and be friends and go hiking. And I kind of started yelling at him. That's what we've been doing. That's the problem.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

What the fuck?

[Eldest]

This is such a Twilight zone like, problem of, like, I need dick. And then the guy's like, I just want to go hiking.

[Stavi]

That's awesome. That even after taking, like, the universal advice that we give, which is, like, just talk about it, you didn't get, like, even an inch closer to any closure, any clarity.

[Eldest]

That's crazy, man.

[Stavi]

That.

[Eldest]

Probably asexual, right? He's got to be asexual.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Yeah. But why wouldn't he say that? Like, I made things so awkward that I'm even calling you guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eldest]

No, it's crazy. You're right. I feel the frustration in your voice because you clearly don't give a. But you're like, just give me any reason. But that's not how life works, I guess.

[Caller]

Yeah, I got it.

[Eldest]

So even by. What was it? What did his face look like when he was just. When we were basically roasting him? He was. Did he. Did you watch him watch it?

[Caller]

Yeah. And I think, like, some of his friends kind of watched it, which I kind of felt bad about. They kind of know. And I wonder if he's just, like, dodging them too, or he kind of, like, opened them to them, I'm hoping. But yeah.

[Eldest]

Well, whatever. Anyway, so you have a new question?

[Caller]

Yeah. So pretty much after that. So we talked, I think, like, in April, and the episode didn't come out until, like, June. So that's when, like, I cut off things with him.

[Eldest]

Yep.

[Caller]

John did 80 naps, and then I started seeing this guy. And things have been good. Like, we're having sex and everything's great.

[Eldest]

Congratulations. Wow. You're having sex with somebody you're dating. What an. What an improvement.

[Caller]

Well, like, we're not officially dating, but we're just, like, seeing each other.

[Eldest]

That's dating, though. You know what I mean?

[Caller]

Yeah. Well, there's like, a long kind of list now that I'm kind of thinking about it. Kind of, like, little red flags. Like, he can't come during sex because he's on SRIs. And I kind of had to, like, pull it out of him like something's wrong or, like, wow, you really can't.

[Eldest]

Just have a straightforward fling. Interesting.

[Caller]

But, yeah, I'm kind of. I. Anyways, that's what I'm calling. So we took a vacation up to Big Bear. He rented a cabin, and it was kind of great, but then he forgot his medication, so he was, like, a little, like, depressed. Couldn't, like, really do stuff, but he was nutting.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Was able to fuck the first time.

[Caller]

In, like, three months that happened. But that's not the problem. So I kind of blame you, Stavi, because I was making him watch, like, episodes, and we were watching one that, like, Sidney was on, and, like, the whole joke was like, oh, how she had to, like, do like, straight stuff to, like, kind of survive.

[Eldest]

Right?

[Caller]

And he asked me. He's like, oh, what's the gayest you've thing that you've done? And I was like, oh, my. I kind of don't want to answer that question. I kind of didn't want to know from him because I already kind of knew by him asking me that there was going to be a story.

[Eldest]

So you thought he was only asking to let you know he did a bunch of gay stuff.

[Caller]

So he told me he, like. Which I'm like, okay, I don't know if I'm hobohophobic or, like, because I don't really care. But it's just like, this seems. This guy seems, like, insecure and sad. So he told me about the story about he hooked up with this guy, and he, like, made it very clear that he's like, oh, but I was on top. And I'm like, I don't really care. But, like, if that's what you need to tell me, it's really funny.

[Eldest]

Be like, whoa, whoa. I'm only sort of gay. I. The guy. It's like, okay, man.

[Stavi]

I made him the girl.

[Caller]

So I was like, okay. Just, like, listening to him, like, hey, he's being, like, vulnerable. I like, I guess the transparency. And I was a little. I kind of knew that's what he was gonna tell me. And then he's like, yeah, it's just like, he's like a bigger guy. So he was just. Towards the end of the conversation, he was just like, oh. I just like, you know, I'm built like Shrek. I can't find someone to top me.

[Stavi]

Oh, wow.

[Caller]

So I was like, is that a joke? Or I wonder if he really, like, wants that.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Caller]

And it's kind of kept, like, lingering. And I'm like, like, is this something this girl? Like, is he still by? Like, he's probably.

[Eldest]

I mean. Yes, he's probably still by. Is he?

[Caller]

Huh?

[Eldest]

Yeah, he's still. Yeah, he's by. He's. He is bi for sure.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Or was he just curious? What. He's like, it was just once. Like, I think he saw me, like, asking questions. He kind of started backtracking. So.

[Eldest]

Right. Like, right, right, right. You're like, what? Ew.

[Stavi]

You're disgusting. You a guy? Oh, my God. First some guy wouldn't me.

[Eldest]

Now some gay guy's got a gay guy, and it won't even nut. And he's like, should I go? You're like, no. We rented the cabin for.

[Stavi]

Why do I always do this?

[Caller]

Anyways? I need advice. I'm like, my dating is. But just like, you're there. I'm like, I live in la. It's like, a very common thing. I'm not surprised. I'm like, is he using me to, like, experiment? And then later on, like, my fear later on is gonna be like, actually, like, I just needed to experiment more. I'm gay. Is it just a fear that I need to, like, live through or ask more questions? I don't know.

[Eldest]

Let me ask you this. Why on, like, this is the problem the first time too? Yeah. Why the are like, you're allowed to see people, see how compatible you are, get to a point where you're like, this doesn't work anymore, and move on. You should have done that way faster with the other guy, and now you didn't do anything wrong by like, look, it's fine to be like. I mean, whatever. If you. If it. If I have, like. I have friends who are progressive, whatever. And in their personal lives, they. They're like, I would prefer something more traditional. Or I want somebody who's like, you know, I want somebody who. I mean to. To. To be like, I can't date someone because they're bi and they might be secretly gay. That's a.

[Caller]

That.

[Eldest]

That's not why you break it off. You break it off because the vibes just aren't right overall. And, like, if everything was perfect, but this was something that you were worried about, I would tell you, have a discussion, get to the bottom of it, whatever. But it seems like you're not that into this guy. Realistically, the bar was set so low because the last guy you dated wouldn't even you. And so now you're just like, you know, I think there is nothing wrong with seeing someone for a couple months, seeing if you have any. If, like, clearly you want a serious relationship, you're clearly the kind of person who, like, you know, will commit to a fault, it seems like. But I would say for you, I would say for you, you should work on kind of only sticking with something if it feels good, like you've made progress and that this person will fuck you. But that doesn't mean it's, like, exactly what you want. So keep looking, move on. I mean, that's sort of. That's my advice to you is like, and if. And again, if we didn't know your history, maybe I wouldn't give you this advice. But the fact that you were willing to just stick around in a Clearly not even a relationship, it's like, I just think you need to experiment a little more and see who you're actually compatible. Compatible with. Instead of just. I think it's good when you find someone that you click with this instinct to make it work no matter what is good. But I don't think you're necessarily there right now. You know what I mean?

[Caller]

Yeah, I think it's just like, yeah, maybe you're right. Like, maybe. Or do you really like having doubts? And this. I can't tell if my doubts are real because I don't like this guy, and I'm making it a big deal. But now I feel bad, like, ending things. He's gonna be like, oh, she dumped me because I'm depressed, and bye. And I don't know.

[Stavi]

Well, I mean, tough, but, you know, that's just dating.

[Eldest]

That is dating, by the way.

[Stavi]

But it's not like you haven't tried. I feel like sex is, like, so early on the compatibility checklist. It's like, don't be going on no cabin Getaways with like someone that you can like barely have sex with.

[Eldest]

Let me tell you that exactly. You up like cabin getaway right off the rip is kind of, you know.

[Caller]

That'S a quick met in June. It's been a while.

[Eldest]

It's June. I guess it's October, I guess, but.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean, like how, how much, I mean how much have you guys like barely been able to because of his like medication. It's like, you know, when you, when.

[Caller]

You just can't do.

[Eldest]

No, no, you know what? Actually I take that back. We're just, I think we just have New York, you know, entertainment brain where it's like, we're, we're just like, no, it ain't serious for years. You know what I mean?

[Stavi]

It's not that crazy.

[Eldest]

But it's not.

[Stavi]

But my point is like, you know that early on it is like you're like not his like girlfriend. Long time girlfriend. It is. Unless there's like a crazy, crazy spark in chemistry. It's not even like your job to.

[Eldest]

Help him or even, or even if you're something or even if it's early. But you are dating officially. That's different. You know what I mean? I guess, I guess going away with someone where it's like, it's a. It's in the situationship zone. Maybe that's what we're talking about. That's another thing is like you're. Here's the other thing. You're committed, it seems like. But you're not even dating this guy. You know what I'm saying? Like if this would be different if he was like, hey, I really like you, let's date, whatever. But I don't know. I mean, I mean, I guess. What do you want? Let's think about that. Do you see this person as somebody you want to actually date?

[Caller]

I think so. It's just like if he can like reassure me like my fears of like, are you just gonna be. I don't think he can. Like, oh, I'm actually like secure of who I am and like, yeah, I'm bi and like. But it's just like the way he was just backtracking of like, oh, it's just something I kind of wanted. Like, I'm not sure, him being like depressed and like, like we do have fun and I like him and it's like, yeah, like I'm not his girlfriend. So I don't feel the like pressure so much. But I'm just like, I don't, I don't know if I'm wasting my time again, like how you said just like I'm in this pattern again of just limbo.

[Eldest]

Well, I mean, this is. This is definitely different than the first time. For sure.

[Stavi]

I will say. Are you just being drawn to guys who are just clearly gay and cannot come to terms with it? You live in Los Angeles?

[Eldest]

Yeah. No.

[Stavi]

Los Angeles is crawling with the closeted straight guys.

[Eldest]

Here we go. Red bill, red state, sula Turning Point, usa. Eldest, you live in Los Angeles.

[Caller]

I definitely date, like, sad boy, insecure guys. But no, no, I guess that's my problem.

[Eldest]

I was going to say that true is like. Is like, what is it about you that draws these in? You know what I mean? Like, that is something to really think about. Maybe you are just like a. Almost like a comforting presence where they feel like they can be, you know, they can just kind of. They feel safe. I don't know. But it is something to consider. Now, I'm not gonna go ahead and say this guy's. He's not close. He told her he guys. But I guess it's like, if that was the only problem, I would say it's not worth breaking it off. But I also would say you should really consider. Do you find this to be like, are you seeing other people? Like, you know, that's the other thing. I would. Are you still, like, looking around or.

[Caller]

Not really. He just, like, we see each other a lot more often and actually have sex and just between family and friends, like, yeah, he's the only person I'm seeing right now.

[Eldest]

Yeah. Well, dude. Okay, so then maybe it's worth. If you think that this is worth, you know, being a little more serious about, then you should say like, hey, effectively you're monogamous, whether you, you know, just because of the way your life is. And you could just be like, hey, I like you. I'd like to us to be exclusive and just see where this goes. And that way you at least have a little more skin in the game. And if he's willing to go with that and. And like, you know, he's saying all the right things, then I wouldn't get too in my head about, oh, he secretly. He secretly wants to kind of fuck his ass, but he's too large. You know what I mean? Like, and now.

[Caller]

Now, look, I should not ask again. Like, he was vulnerable and he was like, I've never told anyone. And like, well, there's something that I just need to deal with. And like, well, okay, you know, that's another thing.

[Eldest]

Let's let's also be realistic here. It's fine if you don't want that, right? Like, you're not homophobic if you don't want to date. So, like, truly, like, it's you. You're homophobic if you don't want people to have rights, but you're not homophobic if, like, the same way where it's like, you can be a friend to trans people and not want to hook up with trans people, you can be okay with fucking, you know, with. With bi dudes and be like, you know what? For me, personally, I don't even know why. Maybe it's fucked up, but I just know it's a problem for me, that's okay, too, if ultimately that's how you feel. But you.

[Stavi]

You.

[Eldest]

But, like, I wouldn't shame the guy. And also, there's a possibility that. I mean, it is. It is nice that he opened up to you, right? That if he's vulnerable, that's kind of nice. That means he trusts you. I also think maybe this guy's just too. There's a possibility he might be too freaky, right? Like, you guys just might not be aligned. Like, maybe he's opening up to you because he wants to have threesomes with dudes and women and people maybe ask you why. You know, I'm certainly interested when I'm talking to a girl, what kind of gay she's done. Because I'd love to a girl with the girl I'm seeing, right? Like, that's kind of why I ask those questions. So maybe he's into some freaky, and maybe you're not. Like, there's things that could be deal breakers for you down the road. You have to decide, like, is there enough. Is there enough for you to be like, okay, I like this guy enough. Let me ask you about the exclusive conversation. If he's willing to be exclusive with me, then I can continue to sort of, like, explore how I feel about him, right? I think that's fine. And again, just because you're dating somebody exclusively doesn't mean it's super serious. It just means, let's see what we got here. While we're not dating other people, and the second you feel like, you know what? This was nice. I like the guy, but it's not gonna work out. That's okay, too. It's totally fine to break up with someone a month into dating them exclusively. You know what I mean?

[Caller]

Yeah, I know. I just, like, I didn't want to, like, come off, like, rude to him. Like, he opened Up. I do like him, but I was just. I've been avoiding him for two weeks, and I have to go see him because we're going to a show tonight. We're actually going to go see Dan Soder.

[Eldest]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Caller]

And I just, like, didn't know if I'm like, oh, am I going to be like, a bitch and say something rude?

[Eldest]

Like, two weeks ignoring is tough, though. Have you been talking to him or, like, texting?

[Caller]

Well, he text. He texts me, like, every day. Like, I been kind of trying to avoid it because I was like, I don't really know how I feel. Like, I'm a very fickle person interest. And then I'm just like, yeah, I don't know if I want to date this guy. Like, am I just not that into him? Is it like, I don't think I care about him being bi. I just want him to be sure of who he is, which is a hard ask. And like him not being like, yes in the relationship and be like, actually, I want to fudge a guy without you, and this is my new relationship.

[Eldest]

Right.

[Caller]

Well, listen, because, okay, this has happened to me before, like, years ago. So I think it's my trauma, too.

[Eldest]

Eldest called it interesting. Interesting.

[Stavi]

Okay, now who's turning Point usa?

[Eldest]

No, no, you were turning Point USA for saying you're in Los Angeles, but.

[Caller]

I was just like, I don't know if I can be that stepping stone again for someone just a mess.

[Stavi]

Let me just give you the short. The short version here.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Stavi]

You need to end this.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I think on to the next. You need. You need to like, Jade more people at once or something. You got to get more plates spinning.

[Eldest]

Well, okay. I think. I think you're right. Basically, you need to decide, do you feel strong enough to take it to be a little more serious with this guy and explore that relationship, or do you continue or do you go the exact opposite way? Like Elda said, start seeing other people, break it off of them, or just put. Make him part of the roster. Either way, whatever you decide. But you have to go one of two ways. You can't be in this. Like, you're. You're effectively monogamous with him, even though who the knows what he's doing? And you're not even sure. You're not even sure how you feel about him. You have to decide how you feel and pursue either one of those. And yes, if I had to. If I had to. Just knowing off what we know about you. If I had to guess, I would probably say you need to kind of just explore a little bit because this is better than the last one. But it doesn't seem like it's exactly what you want. Yeah, even, even take the gay, even take the buy stuff out of it. It doesn't seem like you're, you're like he's kind of fun. It's fine. You don't see like this is an arranged marriage. You don't have to be with the person. You know what I mean? So I don't know, you gotta, you're.

[Stavi]

Someone who like kind of like just dates one person at a time. He's gotta like just try to like. Yeah. Build that roster, keep it casual. With some people. You don't even need to like be out everyone but just like meet new people to date simultaneously. You need a bigger pool to draw from and just like, you know, feel some shit out and just. You say, you say you want someone who, you want him to like be a little more sure of himself. You need to like be more sure of like yourself and what you're looking.

[Eldest]

What you want and just like look.

[Stavi]

At these warning, warning signs that like have repeated with people you've dated and just like no one needs this. Like ah, this, the vibe's just not right.

[Eldest]

Right.

[Stavi]

I've seen this enough. I don't need to go on like seven more dates or do a weekend getaway with this guy. I could just let him go and like move on to the next.

[Eldest]

But I know what she means where it's like it's going to be tough to break up with him right after he said she did gay.

[Stavi]

It's you. You haven't talked, you haven't talked to him for two weeks. He's probably been out like blowing out some twinks backs out there like he's like, you know, I grind her like that imagery. He's like ah, where is she?

[Eldest]

No, no, I, I, I kind of agree though. The sort of getting a little drier over text over two weeks. He knows what the going on and if you want to give them a different rationale, that's fine. But yeah, I think deep down you know what it is and you do need to do a little soul searching about what it is that you're sort of like attracting these, these specific types of guys.

[Stavi]

Send them this clip. It worked for you the first time?

[Caller]

No, I guess in a couple weeks.