Bonus #154 - Blair Socci [PATREON PREVIEW]

Summary

Stavvy’s World - Bonus #154: Blair Socci [PATREON PREVIEW]

Date: November 13, 2025
Host: Stavros Halkias
Guest: Blair Socci
(Note: The transcript features a rotating panel – including Ali Wong and Michael Kosta – interacting with Blair Socci and fielding audience voicemails.)

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Episode Overview

This bonus episode dives into the world of modern dating, focusing on the challenges women face with unsolicited sexual advances in online conversations – particularly from men in the show’s own fan community. The hosts and guests offer empathic, humorous commentary and tangible advice, drawing on their own experiences with dating apps and DMs. The conversation explores sincerity, directness, and the art of good timing in flirting, as well as the changing landscape of internet relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Frustration with Early Sexualization in DMs

[00:45–02:29] Voicemail Segment

• A female listener reports a pervasive pattern among men (including Stav’s followers) who abruptly turn casual DM conversations sexual.
• She laments the “ick” she experiences, which destroys any chance of compatibility:

  “...we’ll be totally chill... and within like five to six of, like, questions... they will just randomly bring a sexual [topic]... Like, what kind of porn do you like?... I’m like, these are not bots... we seem politically aligned... and yet they immediately fuck up every single conversation...”

• She urges Stav to address his male listeners and pleas for healthier online interactions.

2. The Importance of Timing and Sincerity in Flirting

[02:29–03:12] Panel Reaction

• Ali Wong emphasizes that “real riz and game has a sense of timing,” pointing out the inappropriateness of bringing up sexual topics too soon:

  “Anyone with real riz and game has a sense of timing of when to go into those waters. If you’re just meeting someone... asking about porn and stuff, that’s absolutely insane.” (Ali Wong, 02:39)

• Michael Kosta and Ali both agree: talking about personal sexual habits is only appropriate well after establishing a relationship, not during initial chats.
• Light-hearted riff:

  “That’s between you and your laptop.” (Ali Wong, 03:08)

3. Social Media as the New Real Life & The Formulaic Approach to Dating

[03:12–05:00]

• Kosta notes a disturbing trend: men approach DM interactions with a “calculus” for getting laid, treating people as commodities rather than individuals:

  “It’s like... looking at human interaction as a formula instead of actually getting to know someone.” (Michael Kosta, 03:36)

4. Sincerity Filters & Dating App Profiles

[04:06–04:47]

• Ali shares a humorous anecdote: her therapist prompted her to write super-sincere Hinge profiles that “weed out so many people.”
• She admits embarrassment if her honest profile content was ever revealed.

5. Directness in DMs and Flirting

[06:46–08:00]

• The panel swaps stories of sliding into DMs and the effectiveness of various approaches. Ali adopts a direct strategy:

  “Once a year, I’ll DM a guy... and I’ll just write: Are you single? How old are you?” (Ali Wong, 07:33)

• Michael expresses admiration:

  “I love that directness though... I’m gonna try that next.” (Michael Kosta, 08:01)

6. Age Preferences and Relationship Dynamics

[08:03–09:23]

• Blair, Ali, and Michael discuss dating age gaps, traditional versus non-traditional roles, and the desire for genuine connection over superficial interaction.
• Ali humorously reflects on her preference for “a dude that takes care of [things], has a good job, and wants to coach soccer and man the grill...” (Ali Wong, 09:12)

7. Advice for Men: Treat Women as Human Beings

[10:12–13:17]

• The group returns to the original listener voicemail, explicitly urging men to rethink their online behavior:

  “Start treating women like human beings.” (Michael Kosta, 10:12)

• Ali and Michael endorse total honesty about intentions:

  “If someone sends me sexual DMs or like, nasty shit... it’s so confusing to me.” (Ali Wong, 10:52) “You get so far if you just know how to sit politely and go back and forth for an hour or two over some drinks... and just keep it to polite conversation.” (Blair Socci, 11:15)

• Being upfront about looking for a hookup or a relationship is encouraged; it saves both parties time.
• Disbelief and exasperation at how many men sabotage themselves by moving too quickly to sexual topics.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On “Timing” in Sexual Conversations:
  Ali Wong [02:39] – “Anyone with real riz and game has a sense of timing... asking about porn and stuff, that’s absolutely insane.”

• On Directness in Dating:
  Ali Wong [07:33] – “Once a year I’ll DM a guy... I’ll just write: Are you single? How old are you?”

• On Reducing Dating App Sincerity to a Science:
  Michael Kosta [03:36] – “It’s like looking at human interaction as a formula instead of actually getting to know someone.”

• Advice for Men:
  Michael Kosta [10:12] – “Start treating women like human beings.”

• On How Low the Bar Is:
  Blair Socci [11:15] – “The bar is so low for men. You get so far if you just... sit politely and... keep it to polite conversation.”

• On Sabotaged Potential:
  Michael Kosta [12:56] – “The guys who just DM’d her probably could have gone out with her and they maybe even could have hooked up or even dated.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:45–02:29]: Listener voicemail on unsolicited sexual DMs
• [02:29–03:12]: Panel reaction; discussion of sexual timing and “riz”
• [03:12–05:00]: Commodification of online dating; authenticity
• [04:06–04:47]: Ali’s anecdote on sincerity in dating app profiles
• [06:46–08:00]: DM sliding strategies; directness pays off
• [08:03–09:23]: Age preferences; traditional vs. non-traditional dating roles
• [10:12–13:17]: Recap and advice: treat people as humans, be honest, take it slow

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Tone & Style

The episode is fast-paced, sharp, and irreverent with familiar, self-deprecating humor. There’s a strong sense of camaraderie, mutual teasing, and genuine sympathy for listener experiences. The advice is honest—sometimes blunt—but always empathetic and pragmatic, encouraging respect and patience in modern courtship.

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Summary in a Nutshell

Stavvy’s World tackles the pitfalls and frustrations of online dating, especially men who move way too fast into sexual territory in DMs. The hosts advocate for sincerity, timing, and seeing each other as actual people, not commodities—all delivered with humor and storytelling. Directness is celebrated, but so is patience and honesty about intentions. The episode is both a reality check and a call for more human, mature interactions in the digital dating world.

Transcript

[Ali Wong]

Hey, welcome into Walgreens. Hi there.

[Blair Socci]

Hey.

[Ali Wong]

All right, hon, I'll grab the gift wrap cards and, oh, those stuffed animals the girls want.

[Michael Kosta]

Great.

[Blair Socci]

And I'll grab the string lights and some.

[Michael Kosta]

How about I grab some cough drops? This is not just a quick trip to Walgreens.

[Ali Wong]

I'm fine, honey.

[Michael Kosta]

Well, just in case. You know what they say, tis the season. This is help staying healthy through the holidays.

[DSW Announcer]

Walgreens, are you ready to get spicy?

[Michael Kosta]

These Doritos Golden Sriracha aren't that spicy.

[DSW Announcer]

Maybe it's time to turn up the.

[Michael Kosta]

Heat or turn it down. It's time for something that's not too spicy. Try Doritos Golden Sriracha.

[DSW Announcer]

Spicy but not too spicy.

[Caller (Female Listener)]

Hey, Sabi. So calling today, less for advice for me, but calling as a girl who's out here in these streets and hooking up with guys who are your, like, followers, friends, your audience. So I figured, you know what? They're pissing me off. We're going to call dad, come directly to you. So recently I've noticed there was this, like, epidemic of men who will, like, sign into my DMs, whether it's like, Instagram, Twitter or whatever. And I don't know what it is. We'll be, like, totally chill. Like, hey, how are you? Like, we get to know each other. Like, again, I don't know you. You are just some random man on the Internet who follows me. Maybe seems normal. And within, like, five to six of, like, questions, like, very early on in the conversation, they will just randomly bring a sexual. Make a sexual, like, bring up porn. Like, what kind of porn do you like? I'm gonna go watch porn. Do you like porn? Like, crunch your feet. And I'm like, and these are, like, not bots. Like, I go to their pages. Like, these are people. Like, I have mutual followers in front in common with people that I look at their page like, we're retweeting each other. We seem politically aligned. Like, we like the same comics, we like the same joke. Like, they're real human beings, and yet they immediately fuck up any single or every single conversation I have with them because they make it freakishly sexual so early. Like, just gives me the ick because it was just another horny man in my DMs. And, like, maybe we would have gotten along. Maybe we could have been compatible. We'll never fucking know because you just grossed me out. So this is me as a girl just begging you to talk to the men out there. Okay.

[Ali Wong]

Love you.

[Caller (Female Listener)]

Thank you so much. Elders You. You rul. Who? I can't speak. Thank you.

[Ali Wong]

Bye. Oh, she sounds like an angel.

[Michael Kosta]

I know you feel her frustration. She's like, I might have even liked you.

[Ali Wong]

Yeah, no, she's like, I might have you.

[Michael Kosta]

Why didn't you just, like, take me out one time?

[Ali Wong]

I'll just say this one thing. Like, anyone with real riz and game has a sense of timing of when to go into those waters. And if you're just meeting someone on Hinge, a first date, asking about porn and stuff like, that's absolutely insane.

[Michael Kosta]

I mean, porn in general is like, you've been dating. So, like, I don't even look at, like, that's like a.

[Ali Wong]

That's not a casual conversation. That's a private. That's an inside.

[Michael Kosta]

So what are you beating off all this?

[Ali Wong]

Totally. That's between you and your laptop.

[Michael Kosta]

Sure, sure. Yeah. You feel a frustration. And I think, unfortunately, what I'm worried about is that this is the, like, sort of commodification of human beings where it's like, somebody doesn't see her as a person. She's a hot woman on the Internet who he might be able to fuck. And he's like, you've done a calculus in your head that's like, okay, it is worth five back and forths. And then I have put in too much social capital trying to get pussy. If I don't see tits by then, it's like looking at human interaction as a formula instead of actually getting to know someone.

[Ali Wong]

Hinge is wild, though.

[Michael Kosta]

I've never had Hinge.

[Ali Wong]

Yeah. That's so cool. Never had to do that. That's awesome.

[Michael Kosta]

She's talking about, like, Instagram and social media, though, right?

[Ali Wong]

Oh, no, she said hinge.

[Michael Kosta]

Did you say hinge?

[Ali Wong]

She said.

[Blair Socci]

I think she also said social media.

[Ali Wong]

Okay.

[Blair Socci]

I'm imagining she's like, someone, like, on Twitter.

[Ali Wong]

Yeah. I will also say that my therapist once, like, when I would go on Hinge, like, I only go on there, like, twice a year when I remember, like, asked me to send my hero pictures of my profile and then made me, like, write the entire thing, like, sincere.

[Michael Kosta]

Whoa.

[Ali Wong]

And it weeds out so many people.

[Michael Kosta]

Interesting.

[Ali Wong]

It's like, there's nothing of, like, I would have just written, like, dumb jokes or something. And it is like, no, I'm looking for the love of my life. Someone, like, who likes to go home early and hold hand, like, stuff like that. And it's, like, the most sincere profile you've ever seen. I would actually die if any, if.

[Michael Kosta]

Ever it came to Light.

[Ali Wong]

If any of you. You ever saw. No, it's so. Oh, my God.

[Blair Socci]

If you look at the screen, Blair, I'll have to pulling this up for you right here.

[Ali Wong]

Yeah.

[Michael Kosta]

I mean, look, if you're like. If you're behaving this way on the Internet as a dude, it's like you have to realize the Internet has just become real life. And it's especially for people who interact and have the same. You have the same, like. Like, friend group and the same interests. Like, even if you're not in the same cities, you exist in some plane together here. You exist in some community together here and just kind of have to stop behaving this way. I sort of was caught. I was sort of caught by this in a funny way where I. I haven't really been. I was kind of offline a lot. Like I was trying to be. But then, you know, when I went to Venice, I was like, let's take a look at this. This is cool. I want to.

[Ali Wong]

Those pics were incredible.

[Michael Kosta]

Yeah. It got me back online to be like, oh, nice. People are saying I look cool with the ponytail.

[Ali Wong]

Yeah.

[Michael Kosta]

I love the really cool.

[Ali Wong]

You're fit. You looks amazing.

[Michael Kosta]

Yes. And I just. I hadn't really done a DM slide in a while, and I just, like, noticed some, like, beautiful woman had, like, commented on something, and I was like. And I've also invented some eating pasta, right?

[Ali Wong]

Yeah.

[Michael Kosta]

And I think I hit it romantic. I hit it with some variation of the, like, actually a lady in the tramp thing. Like something about lady in the tramping some pasta.

[Ali Wong]

Oh, that's good. I feel like that's good.

[Michael Kosta]

Well, I had done it. I hadn't. I hadn't said in a while, and I had used it in the past.

[Ali Wong]

Okay.

[Michael Kosta]

And. And. And I really. I wasn't saying it, but I was like, I'm in Venice eating. I'd had pasta. Every meal was top of mind. And she just was like, hot. Lol. I think you use this on a friend of a friend. Oh, like a year ago or whatever. And I was like, damn. Yeah, probably.

[Ali Wong]

That's brutal.

[Michael Kosta]

She was like. She was like, hey, it worked because I think. I think I did. I think. I guess I hooked up with a girl or whatever and. And. And that. But it was tough to be like.

[Ali Wong]

You kind of hooked up with more girls than that other girl's friend.

[Michael Kosta]

I don't know. I don't know how many you have.

[Ali Wong]

No idea. Your number.

[Michael Kosta]

I don't really know my number.

[Ali Wong]

Yeah, that's crazy.

[Michael Kosta]

I'm not sure. I don't think it's over 200.

[Ali Wong]

Oh snarly.

[Michael Kosta]

Yeah, I don't think so.

[Ali Wong]

Slut shaming you. You are.

[Michael Kosta]

Yeah, well that's it. That's the Republican in you.

[Ali Wong]

Yeah.

[Michael Kosta]

But yes, that happened to me. But it's like hey look, you took.

[Ali Wong]

That one on the chin.

[Michael Kosta]

You got to take it on the chin. Yeah, it's a beautiful woman. I think she had a boyfriend anyway. Pretty funny also to be like, like.

[Ali Wong]

Once a year old DM a guy that where I like see their picture and, and I'll just write are you single? How old are you?

[Michael Kosta]

Respect. Does that work for you? Probably every time. 100%. It works for sure.

[Ali Wong]

Right. If they're single or like whatever.

[Michael Kosta]

I love that directness though. Are you single? How old are you?

[Ali Wong]

Yeah, that's all that's what I care about.

[Michael Kosta]

I like that. I'm gonna try that next.

[Ali Wong]

A lot of young dudes hit on me.

[Michael Kosta]

Interesting.

[Ali Wong]

And like I have no.

[Michael Kosta]

You're not interested in that. So what's your cut off age wise? What's the youngest you would date?

[Ali Wong]

I don't, I can't. I don't think I could date like I don't know. I've never dated younger guys my whole life. It's probably because I had older brothers. I mean I've had a boyfriend that's like a year younger than me but like I've never dated your ranger. Yeah, older.

[Michael Kosta]

What's the but do you have just a couple years. You wouldn't go like 10 years younger than you?

[Ali Wong]

No, I wouldn't. I mean I'm not the buzzer. Like I can't, I'm not around.

[Michael Kosta]

We just said people are saying it's old eggs but it might be old sperm. You might need that fresh jizz.

[Ali Wong]

I don't know. I don't know. I, I just can't imagine a man. Like I, I like to be a real woman in a relationship. Like I'm not trying to be this.

[Michael Kosta]

Of course. Well you're not trying to be a mom.

[Ali Wong]

Well like in stand up you have to basically be a man.

[Michael Kosta]

Right.

[Ali Wong]

And like I'm not trying.

[Michael Kosta]

You would like in your personal life to have a more feminine.

[Ali Wong]

Yeah, like I don't want to be an alpha.

[Michael Kosta]

Like I know you mean.

[Ali Wong]

Yeah, like I like some women are into that.

[Michael Kosta]

You're not into that.

[Ali Wong]

I like a dude that is like takes care of and it's like has a good job and wants to coach soccer and man the grill, you know.

[Michael Kosta]

Totally Totally.

[Ali Wong]

Yeah.

[Michael Kosta]

No, I'm, I'm, I'm with you. But I also, again, the older you get, the more you're like, all right. I kind of feel the same way where it's like, yeah, I do like doing those things. I do kind of like, you know, I like doing all. Even though it's like I have other non traditional beliefs. Like, yeah, you know. No, but I wouldn't mind being like a stay at home husband. That would be hilarious. Yeah, I think now, if that happened to me, that means I would. I don't know who you married.

[Ali Wong]

Meryl Streep.

[Michael Kosta]

It would be awesome. Yeah, yeah, I'm listening, I'm listening.

[Ali Wong]

To get Marty short out of the way.

[Michael Kosta]

You up, Marty, you old little.

[Ali Wong]

He's like the funniest person alive. So funny, so funny.

[Michael Kosta]

He's so funny in every context. It, like, makes you mad. He crushes anything he does is hilarious.

[Ali Wong]

Jim Glick is like the funniest thing in the world. So unbelievable. I love it.

[Michael Kosta]

So good. But yeah, sorry, you know, stop doing that, fellas. Start treating women like human beings.

[Ali Wong]

Oh, also for this gal. If you're a gal listening, I. You see how direct I go, like, no, I don't have time. What are you looking? Just say, what are you looking for? And if they. They should. If they're a good dude, be honest. Like, they're like, I want. I'm just looking to hook up right now. Or I'm looking to date, or I'm looking for a girlfriend. Whatever. Just ask straight up.

[Michael Kosta]

But I think the problem is she hasn't even gotten. They've exchanged a couple pleasantries and they're coming through dicks hard.

[Ali Wong]

Oh, I thought this was like, on the date they were asking.

[Michael Kosta]

No, no, she's saying like, in the DMs, right?

[Ali Wong]

Oh, yeah. No, I. If someone sends me sexual dms or like nasty shit from these fuckers and even have one male fan at this point is like, I am so confused by. And most of mine are men. It's so confusing to me. Interesting, because I'm like, the gals gal.

[Michael Kosta]

Of course you are.

[Ali Wong]

I don't even like dudes.

[Michael Kosta]

No, you don't.

[Blair Socci]

So I'm at the game, but I feel like dating got like, so much simpler for me where it was like, I just like, stopped worrying about, like, trying to make anything sexual. The bar is like so low for men. It's like you get so far if you just, like, know how to, like, sit politely and like, just go back and forth for like an hour. Or two over some drinks and just, like, you know, keep it to, like, polite conversation, ask question, maybe some friendly riffs. And, like, don't be, you know, don't be like, oh, yeah, I have a electric vibrator in my house that I use on every.

[Michael Kosta]

Have you ever. Have you ever ridden a Sibian? Yeah, like.

[Blair Socci]

Like, you know, the girls don't want to hear about.

[Michael Kosta]

Show you a hilarious video, and it's like, Howard Stern, the girl riding the Sabian. Would you ever want to ride one of these?

[Blair Socci]

Like, the girls don't want to hear about the sex toys and.

[Michael Kosta]

Or absolutely.

[Ali Wong]

All that.

[Blair Socci]

It's like, you just gotta, like, wait out those, like, getting to know you beats. And, like, you know, especially if it's in the context of a date or online dating. Like, everyone is there to really. Unless you're, like, you know, Christian or some crazy shit. Like, even. Even.

[Ali Wong]

Even if not.

[Blair Socci]

I mean, you know what I mean? Like, even. Even if you're, like, looking for a.

[Michael Kosta]

Relationship or something else, saying, ultimately, people at the end of it is a sexual relationship.

[Ali Wong]

Okay, well, yeah.

[Michael Kosta]

The end of the road, not a hookup.

[Ali Wong]

Right, Right, necessarily.

[Michael Kosta]

But at the end of the day, a guy.

[Ali Wong]

I like when I got dudes like, oh, yeah. I'm just looking to hook up. I'm like, thank you for telling me. That's not what I like, you know, I think that's great. Everyone straight up, and then everyone can find what they're looking for.

[Michael Kosta]

Yeah. So, anyway, good luck out there, toots. Stop. Yeah, like Elder said, just. And all those guys, like, a hand. The guys who just DM'd her probably could have gone out with her and they maybe even could have hooked up or even dated. Yeah.

[Ali Wong]

Because she's like. They seem really cool.

[Michael Kosta]

She's in.

[Ali Wong]

Yeah, like, she was yours, and then it was yours to.

[Michael Kosta]

Why is it so fast? Why. Why are you going so fast?

[Ali Wong]

So horny.

[Michael Kosta]

Yeah. I mean, look, have. Do I behave that way sometimes?

[Ali Wong]

Maybe according to a friend of a friend. Yeah.

[Michael Kosta]

But it's sort of, like, making it clear what you're interested in.

[Ali Wong]

Yeah. Even though you keep calling me a Christian naturalist, I'm like, what? Because I don't. On hinge.

[Michael Kosta]

Yeah, exactly.

[Ali Wong]

Damn. That's. That wild.

[Michael Kosta]

I'm kidding.

[Ali Wong]

Oh, okay.

[Michael Kosta]

It's a joke.

[Ali Wong]

I thought you were serious.

[Michael Kosta]

No, I don't actually think you're an Orange County Republican. I mean, really.

[Ali Wong]

I'm like, what? I'm like, really defending.

[Michael Kosta]

Yeah.

[Ali Wong]

Yeah.

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