Bonus #171 - Rufat Agayev [PATREON PREVIEW]

Summary

Stavvy’s World Bonus #171 – Rufat Agayev [PATREON PREVIEW]

Date: March 12, 2026
Host: Stavros Halkias
Guest: Rufat Agayev

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Episode Overview

In this Patreon preview episode, Stavros Halkias and his guest, comedian Rufat Agayev, dig into a listener’s moral dilemma: can or should you date someone training to be a cop, especially when your worldviews clash? The two riff with their signature blend of irreverence, honesty, and humor, exploring personal, social, and political implications of dating someone with a contentious job—plus how fat asses in cop pants can really cloud your judgment.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Listener's Dilemma: Dating a Cop-in-Training

[00:45]

• Voicemail from a listener: He’s been dating a woman who’s “super sick” (cool, funny, great music taste)—but she’s in the police academy.
• He’s conflicted: “There are no good ones. But she’s sick as a person... I don’t really know what to do...”
  “Any advice would be great. Alright, thanks guys.”

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2. Immediate Gut Reactions: Physical Attraction vs. Ethics

[01:57] – [02:26]

• Stavros’ classic humor and honesty: “How serious is this gonna be? She’s in police academy.”
• Rufat (joking): “She’s Latina too. Probably she got that fat ass in the cop pants.”
• Stav: “They do make your ass look pretty big... I don’t really see any cheeked up male cops.”

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3. Would You Date Someone Who Dated a Cop?

[02:26] – [04:48]

• Stav poses a scenario: would you date someone who used to date a cop (not necessarily a cop themselves)?
  • “I wouldn’t date someone who respects cops or is a cop. There’s no way. We would have such an incompatible worldview.” (Stav, [02:28])
  • “I don’t think being a cop is good... It’s an incredibly corrupt job... a weird mafia, sort of culture.” (Stav, [03:09])
  • Notes context matters: mistakes of youth are forgivable; “friends who are cops” are “grandfathered in.”
  • For serious relationships, Stav says, “I don’t think I could do that. I could probably fuck a hot girl who was a cop for a month and make fun of her about being a cop while I do it.” (Stav, [03:53])

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4. Relationship Red Flags and Politics

[04:48] – [07:07]

• Rufat’s personal experience: “My girlfriend, her ex was a cop.”
  • Early in the relationship, he asked: “Are you a Zionist?” Important for him as she's half-Japanese, half-Jewish.
  • Explains why political alignment matters, especially for socialists: “We don’t necessarily like, not fuck with cops. I think we don’t fuck with non-community people.” (Rufat, [05:41])
  • Cop as non-community figure: “There shouldn’t be people who aren’t community based... The only time you see them is when something goes wrong.” (Rufat, [05:54])
  • Stav: Policing often done by outsiders, “people who come in from the suburbs to police the cities... inherently fucked up.” (Stav, [06:10])

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5. The “Good Cop” Fallacy

[06:20] – [07:32]

• Stav questions if you can truly “be one of the good ones” within the system: “It’s possible she’s naive... thinks she’ll make change from within. Then maybe she sees it’s impossible and leaves.” (Stav, [06:20])
• Rufat (joking): “You can barely do that shit in comedy. You think you could do that as a cop?” (Rufat, [06:58])
• Assessing red flags early in relationships, but noting “her politics are in the right place now.” (Rufat, [07:44])

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6. Can You Overlook Problematic Pasts?

[07:32] – [09:03]

• Debate on whether dating someone with a problematic past is forgivable.
  • Stav: “If some—if I was with someone who dated a cop and was like, ‘They’re just so brave, what would we do without them?’... I’m not dating that person.” (Stav, [08:26])
  • But mistakes and past relationships are forgivable if politics now align.
• Final verdict: “If this is eating you alive, brother, it’s not gonna get better. I would say you probably should not do it.” (Stav, [08:58])

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7. The Temptation Factor (And a Detour Into ICE and Mossad)

[09:03] – [10:47]

• Rufat: “It’s hard when that ass is fat, though.”
• Endorses drawing the line at certain law enforcement: ICE or border patrol jobs are a hard no.
  • Stav: “Anyone who’s in ICE, quit or kill yourself. That’s the only way you can be a good person...” (Stav, [09:37])
  • “Don’t be fucking them girls in the Mossad...” (Rufat, [09:52])
• Jokes about Gal Gadot and the concept of “honeypot” spies.

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8. Friendship, Identity, and Career

[10:47] – [11:37]

• Stav reflects: “I had friends who were cops and it really fucked our relationship up for a while... But then it comes back around where someone isn’t their whole identity.” (Stav, [10:47])
• Suggests a difference between being “zealous” early in a police career (a dealbreaker) vs. someone jaded on their way out (potentially forgivable).

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• "[I] wouldn’t date someone who respects cops or is a cop. There’s no way. We would have such an incompatible worldview." – Stavros ([02:28])
• "I could probably fuck a hot girl who was a cop for a month and make fun of her about being a cop while I do it." – Stavros ([03:53])
• "Are you a Zionist? That’s important." – Rufat ([05:14])
• "There shouldn’t be people who aren’t community based...the only time you see them is when something goes wrong." – Rufat ([05:54])
• "Is it possible...to be one of the good ones and spend time in the system, realize there’s no such thing as being one of the good ones, and leave? Yeah, that’s possible... but something to monitor." – Stavros ([06:20])
• "If you work for ICE or border patrol right now, kill yourself. Or even better, be a whistleblower, record some shit, put it out there, and then quit." – Stavros ([09:41])

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Advice Takeaways & Recap

• Personal alignment trumps physical attraction—but the latter sure complicates things.
• Past relationships aren’t necessarily dealbreakers, but current worldview and politics do matter.
• There is skepticism about whether meaningful change is truly possible “from the inside” in policing.
• Zealous new recruits are more concerning than someone with regrets about their law enforcement past.
• If you’re tormented by your partner’s career from the start, it likely won’t get easier.

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If you’re struggling to date someone with values or a job you fundamentally disagree with (even if their ass is “that fat”), don’t expect the dissonance to disappear—no matter how much you joke about it.

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For the full experience, including classic riffs and laugh-out-loud moments, tune in to the full episode on Patreon.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

I'm just calling because I have a bit of a moral dilemma that I'm kind of in the middle of the. So I met this girl and she's really cool. She's super sick. She has a really good music taste. Like we get along. She has a really good sense of humor. Hung out a couple times, hooked up a couple times. And the thing is she's a cop. Like she's in police academy and we've kind of talked about it and I asked, I was like, yes, what's up with that?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

He was like, oh, I want to be like one of the good ones. And I was like, okay, okay, sure. And I don't know, like, I guess I'm just struggling with that because it's like just being a cop is so

[B]

like, I don't know, signing up for right now.

[C]

There are no good ones. But she's sick as a person, so it's like, I don't know, it's weird. I don't really know what to, what to do or how to like proceed. I don't know. So any advice would be great. All right, thanks guys.

[B]

Well, I don't know, man. How serious is this going to be? She's in a cat police academy.

[D]

She's Latina too.

[B]

Probably, you know, she got that.

[D]

Probably she got that fat ass in the cop pants.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. They are flattering. They are.

[D]

They do.

[B]

They do make your ass look pretty big. For the women I've. The men, you know, I don't, I don't really see there. I don't really see any cheeked up male cops.

[D]

Would you date a woman that used

[B]

to date a cop, that used to date a cop? I guess it's in the context like is it. She did it when she was like young and didn't really think about it and then it's since been like. Because we all you know, make mistakes in that sense. But if it's the kind of thing where she respects cops. No, I mean, I wouldn't date someone who respects cops or is a cop. I mean, there's no way. I just don't. We would. We would have such an incompatible worldview. And it's not this. Look, I have friends who are cops, but it's like they're kind of grandfathered in, you know what I mean? And it's like, look, I see a cop on the street, it's like, I'm not gonna immediately think he's a fucking bad person, you know, Or I'm gonna, like, I'm not gonna be a dickhead to just some random person I see at their job. I don't think being a cop is good. Like, I don't think. And I think obviously the. There's this weird, outsized reputation cop. Some people put on cops where it's like, they're heroes. Where it's like, in reality, their jobs are really not that fucking dangerous compared to other stuff and other careers. And they're paid. It's. It's an incredibly corrupt job. The fucking overtime they rack up. The, you know, like, the, The. The. The com. The refusal to have outside people like. To have outside, like an outside agency be the one who. Who handles investigating, like, cop incidents. Right? Like, it's. It's like a weird mafia, like, sort of culture. And I just. I don't think that I could be in a serious relationship with someone who. Who was a cop. I could probably fuck a hot girl who was a cop for a month and make fun of her about being a cop while I do it. And they could be a fling. I don't know, though. I don't know that I could. If it was serious. I don't think I could do that.

[D]

I think it's going to eat this, dude. Like, yeah, she's definitely Latina. That's the thing. She's definitely like, I know it. Or she's like one of those whites with a fat ass. Like, you know, like, sure, she's outbanked or something.

[B]

I mean, I don't know. You asked the question about would I date a girl who dated a cop?

[D]

My girlfriend, her ex was a cop.

[B]

Wow. A recent ex.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow. And what, what's that? Like, what have you taught. Have you delved into that?

[D]

I think, I think she. I think early on I checked. I think she was like, second date, I asked her. I was like, are you a Zionist? That's important.

[B]

That's important.

[D]

Are you a Zionist? Like, nah. Because she's half, she's half Japanese, half Jewish and so. But she did not have a good relationship with her dad, who's Jewish. So like she went to like Tel Aviv once to like visit him. It was a terrible experience.

[B]

So I was like, oh man, he's in her descent. Tel Aviv.

[D]

Yeah. Can't, can't. And I was like, I can't. I'm just gonna let you know that's. Yeah, I don't do that. And she knows my stance. Like, yeah, I'm a socialist.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I don't think socialists, I don't think. We don't necessarily like, not fuck with cops. I think we don't fuck with non community people.

[B]

Right.

[D]

Like, like, yeah, like there shouldn't be people who aren't like community based like that. The only time you see him is when like something either goes wrong.

[B]

Right.

[D]

Or like you said, just like no checks and balances and racking up like. Yeah.

[B]

And the thing is, it's like, are these even people who live in these communities, like people who fucking come in from the suburbs to police the cities? There's something inherently fucked up about that.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And people. And look, is it possible, I guess, that there are people whose heart is in the right place and. And think they are going to be one of the good ones and then spend time in the system, realize there's no such thing as being one of the good ones, and leave, you know what I mean? Like, is it possible that this, this person he's with could be kind of naive about what being a cop is like? She's like, oh, you can be one of the good ones. I'm going to make change from within. You go there, you see how fucking impossible that is, and then you leave the job. Yeah, that's possible. She could, she could, you know, that could happen. I'm just saying it's something to monitor.

[D]

And it's like, you can barely do that shit in comedy. You think you could do that shit as a cop? I'm going to. I'll be one of the good ones. Like, nah, you're going to be opening up for the devil or somebody. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah. So that's interesting though. That is the. It is, it is important to. I mean, sec. You said the second date you kind

[D]

of were like, I pressed her on her, like, and then like I found out she. And it was like, like almost like two, you know, not two strikes, but two, like red reddish flags.

[B]

Absolutely.

[D]

But like, yeah, I don't Know, I have never gotten the vibe from her that she's a person. It's like, you know, I mean, it's also.

[B]

Look, here's the thing.

[D]

Like, her politics are in the right place now.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So. And I don't know if her politics were in the wrong place. You never know. Sometimes, you know, women, they come from all. They face all types of trauma.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

They might be, you know, and sometimes women fall in love with pieces of. I've fall. Falling in love with women that I knew I shouldn't have been with. You know what I mean?

[B]

And I do think there can be something attractive about something that is like. I mean the like man in uniform thing I think is also wrapped up in a type of masculinity and a type of like being attracted to things that are bad for you. Right. Like, so who knows? And maybe, just maybe the guy was a good guy and it didn't get that deep and ultimately it didn't work out. So who gives a fuck? People can make mistakes. But if, if some, If I was with someone who dated a cop and was like, they're just so brave. There are. What would we do without them? I mean, no, I'm not dating that person. No. You know what I mean? But if I could date someone who has a less extreme view. As long as we align on, you know, the, what you, you know, other criminal justice shit, but, you know, her being a cop. If this is eating you alive, brother, it's not going to get better. And I would say you, you probably should not do it. Or if you do, look, if it's something to monitor in the relationship. Right.

[D]

Like, it's hard when that ass is fat, though.

[B]

I, I agree.

[D]

It's hard. And she. This, this girl could probably do pull ups.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who knows? Maybe I don't know.

[D]

Or no, I think like something. Yeah, you recruit.

[B]

Look, I mean, maybe a new recruit. Yes.

[D]

But these ICE dudes ain.

[B]

No, no, no, she's not nice. ICE is a complete and utter. You can't be fucking dating anybody in ice. They're complete pieces of shit. Anyone who's in ice, quit or kill yourself. Those are. That's. That's the only way you can be a good person. If you work for ICE or border patrol right now, kill yourself. Kill yourself or quit or even better be a whistleblower, record some shit, put it out there and then quit. But you know, everyone who works rice is a fucking coward. They would never do it.

[D]

Don't be fudgeing them girls in the mossad you know, I mean.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Don't get. Don't get. Got Cash Patel style. It was funny to think about the, like the. The. The hot women that aren't as good at acting as Gal Gadot in Israel become honeypot Mossad agents. It's crazy that she was the best actress. She's the one out of the honeypot group that they chose to act. That bitch with Cash Patel can't give a better. Or actually, maybe that's who they. The shitty actors get to go to Hollywood because the good ones have to pretend they want to fuck Cash Patel or whoever else. Maybe that's how they're doing it. But anyway, man. Yeah, look, personally, I don't think I could do it. I don't think I could be in a serious relationship with a cop. And you know, I had friends. I've had friends who were cops and it really fucked our relationship up for a while.

[D]

But.

[B]

But then it comes back around where someone isn't their whole identity and, you know, then your friend is just a guy who got into the wrong career. But also to the extent that you could be one of the good ones kind of is. Has a fucking family. I would still be like, get a different job. But it's like, you know, he is. He didn't turn him evil or anything. And so it's like you can turn back around. But when someone is a new recruit and they're zealous about being a cop and is excited about it, I don't know that I could do that shit. But if you catch someone kind of jaded on the way out, it's like about to retire and thinks it was a mistake. I could see dating somebody like that, but I think move on, dude. Unless the ass is that fat.

[D]

It's gotta be, man. Yeah.

[E]

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[B]

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[E]

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[B]

No purchase necessary Necessary VGW group VOID where prohibited by law. CTNC's 21+ sponsored by Jumbo Casino. Hey listeners. Stavi here. Thank you for tuning into Stavi's World each week. If you want to hear new episodes ad free, subscribe to SiriusXM Podcast plus on Apple Podcasts or visit siriusxm.com podcastplus to listen with Spotify or another app of your choice.