Bonus #179 - Usama Siddiquee [PATREON PREVIEW]

Summary

Stavvy's World – Bonus #179: "The Family Secret" (with Usama Siddiquee)

Date: May 7, 2026
Host: Stavros Halkias
Guests: Eldis, Usama Siddiquee (PATREON PREVIEW)
Theme: Navigating the Ethics of Family Secrets and Betrayal

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Episode Overview

This bonus episode of Stavvy’s World dives into an explosive listener voicemail about a deeply buried family secret. Stavros, co-host Eldis, and (briefly) Usama Siddiquee examine the morality, consequences, and practicalities of revealing a long-concealed truth involving hidden paternity, a vanished trust fund, and a family culture of secrecy. The hosts discuss the ramifications, both emotional and ethical, of exposing generational deceit and stolen inheritance in a family.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Listener’s Dilemma – Families Built on Lies (00:49–03:04)

• Summary:
  A listener in their 30s shares a moral dilemma: at age 18, their mom drunkenly revealed that the listener’s cousin is unaware of his real father’s identity and a trust fund left for him by his biological dad. The cousin’s mother has used the money for the whole family and threatened to disown anyone who breaks the secret.
• Notable Reactions:
  • Stavi: “A mom that gets drunk with her 18 year old? Had a problem with boundaries? That’s shocking.” (02:03)
  • Eldis: “Whoa… The aunt is definitely the villain of the story.” (05:38, 06:45)
  • Stavi: “This is not—Your aunt is hiding your cousin’s parentage. This is your aunt stole from her fucking son. And this is a fucking crime.” (06:05)

2. Breaking Down the Ethics – To Tell or Not to Tell? (03:15–09:51)

• Debate Points:
  • Should the listener expose the secret now that so much time (over a decade) has passed?
  • What are the relative wounds of learning your entire upbringing is a lie vs. remaining in the dark (and broke)?
  • Is nurture or nature more foundational in parenting/identity?
• Notable Quotes:
  • Stavi: “To me, who raised you is your dad more than anything… obviously biology plays a part. But to me, that’s… that’s weird. But… your aunt stole from her fucking son. That’s a fucking crime.” (05:38–06:05)
  • Stavi: “I think you gotta tell them… And then the aunt is threatening to disown you? It’s like, who cares?” (06:33–06:43)
  • Stavi: “This becomes a really crazy infraction against your child. And I think it rises to the level where I would have a moral problem keeping the secret. I really would. This is just twofold too hard.” (10:49–11:13)

3. Consequences & Family Fallout (07:17–08:51; 12:15–14:33)

• Insights
  • The family will likely vilify the whistleblower, but the truth may be owed regardless.
  • The emotional trauma will cut deeply—both regarding paternity and financial betrayal.
  • Grieving what might have been (a father’s memory and lost security) is a deep wound.
• Quotes:
  • Stavi: “Many people in your family will see you as the villain, even though it’s not your fault. You have to be ready for that… ready to deal with the fallout.” (07:56–08:02)
  • Eldis: “If you had not a ho mom, and then you have to find out at 35 you had a whole mom, that’s tough. That breaks up a lot of shit.” (09:57–10:03)
  • Stavi: “It would fuck me up so much more to hear my mom stole from me that amount of money and that she crafted a lie that included hiding my dad.” (09:25–09:38)

4. Possible Rationalizations & Searching for Grace (11:13–12:40)

• Points Considered:
  • The aunt may have started “using money for the family” under financial duress or with good intentions.
  • Losing a partner while raising a child may have led her to desperate measures, but theft and secrecy compound over time.
• Quotes:
  • Stavi: “Let’s give some grace to this woman who… the person she was having a kid with died… I get making—again, it starts for real reasons and then it becomes really…” (12:49–13:00)

5. Addiction & Justification Metaphor – “Taking from the Stash” (15:01–15:54)

• Anecdotes & Analogies:
  • Both hosts reflect on how taking “a little” from a communal (or restricted) resource starts with justification and can grow into outright exploitation—drawing a parallel between stealing prescription pills and the aunt’s misuse of the trust fund.
  • Stavi: “Once you get addicted to that little extra money… it starts good and then it becomes really [bad].” (15:01–15:40)

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Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “A mom that gets drunk with her 18 year old? Had a problem with boundaries? That’s shocking.”
  (Stavi, 02:03)
• “Your aunt stole from her fucking son. And this is a fucking crime.”
  (Stavi, 06:05)
• “Many people in your family will see you as the villain, even though it’s not your fault. You have to be ready to deal with the fallout.”
  (Stavi, 07:56–08:02)
• “If you had not a ho mom, and then you have to find out at 35 you had a whole mom, that’s tough. That breaks up a lot of shit.”
  (Eldis, 09:57–10:03)
• “This becomes a really crazy infraction against your child… I would have a moral problem keeping the secret.”
  (Stavi, 10:49–11:13)
• “Once you get addicted to that little extra money…” (Stavi, 15:01)

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Takeaways & Advice (Summed Up)

• The hosts unanimously agree:
  • The cousin deserves to know the truth about his father and the trust fund.
  • Remaining silent only perpetuates injustice; the secrecy rises to the level of an unforgivable betrayal, especially with theft involved.
  • Stavi: “I think you gotta tell him... You need to blow this shit the fuck up now... Even if it blows up your spot in the family.” (07:17–08:23)
• Listeners are cautioned:
  • Telling the truth will make the whistleblower a family “villain” to some, but that’s the only moral choice.
  • Seek allies in the family (like the caller's own mom) before acting.
• Some measured consideration is given to the mother’s trauma, but it doesn’t excuse stealing from her own child.

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Humor & Tone

• The conversation is candid, irreverent, and emotionally raw.
• The hosts frequently riff, joke, and tease each other in classic Stavvy’s World style, even as the subject matter remains heavy.
• The podcast producer's technical mishaps provide brief comic relief.
• The hosts use humor and wild metaphors, likening financial theft to "getting addicted to the little extra" (either money or pain pills).

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Important Timestamps

• 00:49–03:04: Voicemail setup—caller explains the secret.
• 05:38–06:33: “Your aunt stole from her fucking son”—theft and ethical lines crossed.
• 07:17–08:23: Hosts agree on the necessity of telling the cousin.
• 09:25–10:03: Impact of discovering both paternity deception and theft.
• 10:49–11:13: “This is just twofold too hard”—moral intolerability of the sustained secret.
• 15:01–15:40: Metaphor on addiction, how minor thefts escalate.

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Final Thoughts

The episode is a powerful meditation on the weight of truth, the devastation of betrayal, and the courage required to do what’s right in a deeply flawed family system. With signature humor, the hosts probe tough questions about family loyalty and the cost of silence—ultimately arguing that responsibility to justice and individual dignity must come first.

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“You gotta tell him... even if it blows up your spot in the family.” – Stavi (07:17–08:23)

Transcript

[DSW Announcer]

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[Stavi]

Hey listeners, Stavi here. Thank you for tuning into Stavi's World each week. If you want to hear new episodes ad free, subscribe to Sirius XM podcast plus on Apple Podcasts or visit siriusxm.com podcastplus to listen with Spotify or another app of your choice.

[Caller with Family Secret]

I'd like your thoughts on a moral dilemma involving a family secret that's been in the family for a couple decades now. I'm in my 30s for context, but when I was around 18, I was drinking with my mom and she decided to let me in on a fucked up secret about my little cousin. My mom told me that my cousin's biological dad died in an accident when he was an infant, I think like three. And apparently this dude had quite a bit of money and had left a trust fund to my cousin. Well, my aunt, she made the decision not to tell my cousin that the dad he's known his whole life isn't his real dad, and that his bio dad died and left him this huge sum of money. And according to my mom, almost everyone in the family knows the secret. And my aunt's been known to threaten anyone with disowning them if they decide to tell my cousin the truth.

[Eldis]

Whoa.

[Caller with Family Secret]

At the time, I was livid for a my mom telling me the fucking secret.

[Stavi]

Yeah, that's fucked up on your mom's

[Caller with Family Secret]

part, telling me that I can't tell my cousin.

[Stavi]

Hold on. But also, wait a second. A mom that gets drunk with her 18 year old?

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Had a problem with boundaries? That's shocking.

[Eldis]

I'm blown away that the secret was revealed that late. You know, if this was like a drinking vibe.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

How'd that not come up earlier? You know what I'm saying?

[Stavi]

It's. I mean, why you decide to tell your kid? This is crazy. But let's, let's let her finish. Eldis.

[Caller with Family Secret]

And I don't know, I was young and my mom begged me not to tell him, so I didn't. And now all of this time has passed and I'm getting the urge to tell him again. I personally feel that he deserves to know. I would want to know. I had, like, a medical condition. It's important to know your family history. But I don't know if I tell him. I'd have to tell him that his real dad is dead, that his whole family has known for years, and tell him. And on top of all that, my. And decided to use the trust fund for the whole family, and the money's gone.

[Stavi]

Oh, the final situation.

[Eldis]

The final.

[Caller with Family Secret]

Thank you. Love you.

[Eldis]

Sorry. Sorry.

[Stavi]

What? What? No, that's crazy, dude. Whoa. That's actually fucking insane.

[Eldis]

Use the money for what, though?

[Podcast Producer]

Like she said, use the trust fund for the whole family. I don't know exactly.

[Eldis]

Except her. Like, did she get a house maybe?

[Stavi]

That's the kid. Get anything?

[Eldis]

So she. So she. I think the money from the guy. How'd she even access it, though, if it wasn't hers?

[Podcast Producer]

I guess if the kid was young, probably just guardianship.

[Eldis]

Yeah, that's illegal, isn't it?

[Stavi]

Who knows? I mean, who also knows what this guy? I mean, who even knows how this set was set up, right? Did they? I mean, the guy died in an accident, so it's like he was planning to fucking die, but this is insane.

[Eldis]

That's wild, dude. She's bad. She's a bad lady.

[Stavi]

How old is the kid? How old did she say? How old the cousin?

[Eldis]

30.

[Stavi]

She's what?

[Eldis]

She's in 30s.

[Stavi]

She's in her. You all right, buddy?

[Podcast Producer]

She didn't specify, but it's the funniest

[Eldis]

podcast producer of all time.

[Stavi]

He's like.

[Eldis]

It's like Amelia Bedelia, but for podcast.

[Stavi]

Press the button eight times.

[Eldis]

Never seen a man.

[Stavi]

Here's the crazy thing. Every episode, he fucks up in a new way. It's like, there's only so many ways to up. Like, I've never seen that 8 button press in my life.

[Eldis]

I've never seen a guy less in tune with his instruments. It's like, what is this?

[Stavi]

It's actually fascinating how he's able to do this.

[Podcast Producer]

It is this device.

[Stavi]

Okay, all right. That's the device.

[Podcast Producer]

There's lag in the. In the feedback.

[Stavi]

Do you want something new? What do we got to do to up. Do we need to upgrade.

[Podcast Producer]

I gotta do some.

[Stavi]

We need to upgrade at the new. At the new place.

[Podcast Producer]

Yeah, for sure.

[Stavi]

Okay. All right. Anyway, so I'm sorry, I'm very confused here, because I was thinking originally that this is a trust fund thing. When the kid's 18, they find out, hey, we didn't want this to get in the way with your dad, because this is your dad. This guy loves you. He raised you like a son and he loves you like a son. And you should think of him as your dad. But things are, you know, it was a little complicated. We never didn't know how to bring it up. We also didn't want you for this money to you up. We didn't want you to be like a weird kid who always knew at the end of the day, when he turned 18, he had 3 million bucks waiting for him.

[Eldis]

Straight. I could see that too.

[Stavi]

To me, that is a little like, hey, it's fucked up your mom let you in on this, but just mind your business until the kid's 18.

[Eldis]

Right.

[Stavi]

But now it seems like this money's gone and no one's planning to tell this person.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

That his not. Here's the thing. It's one thing for your dad to not be who your dad is. I. I'm on the record as thinking like a lot of this is nurture more than nature. Like I've had. We've had arguments on this podcast. I think a lot of times it's like, look, I think who raised you is your dad more than anything.

[Eldis]

Absolutely.

[Stavi]

And obviously biology plays a part. But to me that's actually. That's weird. But I also could see it what you're bearing the lead. This is not. Your aunt is hiding your kid. Their. Your cousin's parentage. This is your aunt stole from her fucking son. And this is a fucking crime. And in my opinion. Unless, look, if there's something where she's like, I'm going to tell him when he turns X. Like if this kid, if, if whatever. The ages are different. And this is her little cousin and her mom told her when she was 18. But I don't know the. But if this person is an adult who no one is planning on telling.

[Eldis]

Right.

[Stavi]

I think you gotta tell them. I think, Yeah, I think, I think you got to tell him. And I think. And then the aunt is, Is threatening to disown you. It's like, who cares? Yeah.

[Eldis]

The aunt is definitely the villain of

[Stavi]

the story from her kids. Yeah, listen, it'd be one like, I don't know, maybe I'm. I don't know the details. Maybe it's kind of thing where there's financial instability. They needed to dip into it, whatever. But it's like the money's gone. Yeah. This kid's biological dad. You have. And look, it's also kind of disrespectful. This person's memory. Yeah. Who, like, he never got to meet his kid. He doesn't even get to know, and he left all this money for his kid. You stole it, and you're not even telling him this person existed. I think it's insanely fudged up.

[Eldis]

It's also a point of a return.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Eldis]

Like, there's too many infractions now for her.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Eldis]

To be like, hey, bring it to her.

[Stavi]

Yes. She would love for this to stay buried forever. But I think. And look, I'm normally a key. Like I am normally. Mind your own business, guy. In a lot of ways, especially if you love. Which I assume you're pretty close to your cousin. You care about him, whatever. Especially if there's somebody who matters to you. This is a huge injustice. Yeah. And I think that he deserves to know. And I think you should tell. And I think you need to blow this shit the fuck up now. You need to understand that you would. Many people in your family will see you as the villain, even though it's not your fault. Right. Many. You know what I mean?

[Eldis]

Like.

[Stavi]

Like many people will see that. And you have to be ready for that. You have to be ready to deal with the fallout.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

But I also think you kind of in my. I. I would say in my. In your position. I think I could not live with that secret. If no one is planning to ever tell him, and especially the money being gone.

[Eldis]

I think you owe it to your cousin.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

To tell him.

[Stavi]

Actually.

[Eldis]

It's actually a directive.

[Stavi]

This is insane. Like, I think you got to tell him. I mean, and then buy him some lunch, too.

[Eldis]

I feel like.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Give him a little cash.

[Eldis]

Something.

[Stavi]

Something this guy didn't even know.

[Eldis]

This guy lost how many. I mean, I wanted. I want to know the number, too.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I mean, look, who knows? But I. And look, to play devil's advocate to. To argue against this. Is there a. Let sleeping dogs lie. Like, this person has no idea what he lost. Right. And you would be potentially letting him know some. You actually. You'd be really fucking up his whole world because you'd be letting him know

[Eldis]

for the dad thing.

[Stavi]

The dad thinks a whole huge thing.

[Eldis]

We're, like, lazing over that.

[Stavi]

But now you're letting know that his mom stole from him. Yeah. What if somebody told you right now, yeah. Your mom took two. Even if it's like.

[DSW Announcer]

Even.

[Stavi]

It's like, 25 grand. Sure.

[Eldis]

But let's say it's like she already has taken that.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eldis]

Brown mom. Yeah. That's for the house.

[Stavi]

But I'm just saying, like, like, like somebody right now told you, like, hey, your mom stole a million dollars. I honestly think it would fudge me up. Yeah.

[Eldis]

Also, your dad's not your dad.

[Stavi]

It would fuck me up so much more to hear my mom stole from me that amount of money and that she crafted a lie that included hiding my dad. Yes. Because it's not just your dad's not your dad. It's. Your mom didn't tell you your dad was your dad to steal from you.

[Eldis]

No, no. For sure. Also, another point of this is that if your mom is a hoe, right?

[Stavi]

Sure, sure.

[Eldis]

And you don't think your mom's a hoe. That is the deep core tenant of your philosophy when you're growing up. My mom's a good mom.

[Stavi]

Mom.

[Eldis]

Yeah. She's not a hoe. A lot of moms had homs, and they, they started there so they. They can deal with the home mom.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Eldis]

If you had not a home mom, and then you have to find out at 35, you had a whole mom, that's tough. That breaks up a lot of shit

[Stavi]

that up your whole life.

[Eldis]

Whole concept like women calibration.

[Stavi]

What?

[Eldis]

Because a lot of times you compare women to your mom, like, she's a hoe. That's not much. But your mom is the center now. Your mom's the ho. Where's your. Where's your compass now?

[Stavi]

Yeah. Your compass is all fucked up.

[Eldis]

So that. That's what I'm thinking about.

[Stavi]

So I think in situations like this, I tend to go, don't stir the pot until something becomes really egregious.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And to me, the fact that there's no plan to ever tell them, that's egregious.

[Eldis]

No letter.

[Stavi]

That's egregious. But this, the combination, because it takes what could. Again, it could have been an innocent, if misguided attempt, because people now say the literature is you want to tell kids as early as possible if they're adopted or whatever.

[Eldis]

Sure, sure.

[Stavi]

You could argue that if they didn't steal the money, this is a misguided attempt to, like, make sure this kid grows up normal right before letting him know about the money. But once you've put money is stolen, this becomes a really crazy infraction against your child. And I think it rises to the level where I would have a moral problem keeping the secret. I really would. This is just twofold too hard.

[Eldis]

I agree. Also, are you reading a lot of literature about this?

[Stavi]

I just mean, like, I'VE talked. I know.

[Eldis]

Well, you know, the prevailing voices that might be like, I really have been dealing.

[Stavi]

I really have been dealing with something about adopt. Like a project that deals with adoption. And so I weirdly have, have like learned.

[Eldis]

Like, it was like, of course. As a man who is engaged in this kind of thing.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Well, I'm, you know, this, this program, we give advice. I'm sort of an expert and I'm not an. Do not listen to anything I say. Legally, you cannot fucking sue me for anything. Fuck you. Fuck you.

[Eldis]

Suck my dick. Fuck you. Fuck you.

[Stavi]

Fuck you. Anyway, that's what I think. Elders, you seem like you have thoughts bubbling up over there or.

[Podcast Producer]

No, I honestly don't really.

[Stavi]

You don't know?

[Eldis]

Okay, great.

[Podcast Producer]

Besides that. Yeah, it's pretty fucked up. I don't even know what I would do. That is like such a big responsibility to know that. Especially to like unload that on an 18 year old.

[Stavi]

And.

[Podcast Producer]

And that could be like so traumatic for an 18 year old too.

[Stavi]

Where it's like, is he. Do we know how old he is though?

[Podcast Producer]

I. I mean, I mean her, like her finding this out.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Podcast Producer]

I'm telling her, like, if someone told me that at 18, I'd be like, Whoa, that's pretty juicy.

[Stavi]

No, at 18 it's not. I'm not faulting her for not acting.

[Eldis]

Right, Right, right.

[Stavi]

I'm saying I get why this is eating her alive.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Yeah. And I think even though the time has passed or not passed, but it's like it's been a while. I think it's like, tell him. I would like to know that if this were me, I would want to know this information.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I think this is. This is just such a crazy betrayal.

[Eldis]

It's very sad, Loki, at the core of it. It's very sad.

[Stavi]

And listen, also, like I. You also, let's give some grace to this woman who, like the person she was having a kid with died. Yeah. The kid's a month old. Right. She doesn't know what the fuck. And I get making again.

[Podcast Producer]

That's the other thing. She said he was three when the dad died, which is kind of crazy.

[Stavi]

He wasn't three. She said an infant and then she said three, which is wrong in two ways. An infant's not three, that's a toddler. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. She might be.

[Podcast Producer]

Either way, she said, I think like three. Whatever.

[Stavi]

The kid was young. The lie worked on him. I get again to put some grace to this woman. She went through something insanely Traumatic.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Right. Who she was with died.

[Eldis]

She's scrambling also, you know, raising a kid to talk high and mighty while someone's raising a kid alone.

[Stavi]

But she wasn't alone. It was with somebody else.

[Eldis]

Right, but like, how. Well, there's a period between.

[Stavi]

Sure.

[Eldis]

Right.

[Stavi]

And. And listen, maybe if it was like pure emergency that the trust fund was. But something tells me the way she says used it for the family, I don't. I think it feels like she stole her.

[Eldis]

Could have been just for catering and stuff like that, like vacation and so I don't know.

[Stavi]

That's.

[Eldis]

I need more information also. How close is the family? The family sucks in general. Then you don't owe them anything. If y' all are beating together every week it's a different thing. May. Y' all are tight knit even then.

[Stavi]

That's. Is that even worse?

[Eldis]

I mean, it wouldn't change how I see you. What you should do. It will be different. How your life changes once you do do it, which I hope you do. Tell this man.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

About this. Oh my God.

[Stavi]

And I think you need to do like a. I would also do like a kind of rallying the troops thing first and be like, talk to your mom about it. Be like, yeah, this is insanely fucked up. Yeah, we should do something about this. Or I don't know.

[Eldis]

I wonder how the finances of the. Of the guy is. You know, if he's poor, it's gonna hurt way more.

[Stavi]

That's interesting. And also it's like when she says for the family, did she use it to pay the kids college? Did she put. Did she do.

[Eldis]

Yeah. What a godfather terminology.

[Stavi]

You know, kind of need to know.

[Eldis]

Yeah. But for the family is such a weird way to describe it to me that.

[Stavi]

What that means is that it started for like emergencies.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Once again.

[Podcast Producer]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

Come on.

[Stavi]

Once you get addicted to that little extra money, it's like we've all got in college. I remember my roommate got in a car accident at Percocet.

[Eldis]

Oh yeah.

[Stavi]

And you know, he does. I'd say I check. It took him six months. He didn't have any. I took one and then I looked around. He didn't notice. I. And then we're grab. We're leaving. And it's. I'm cleaning out the. I'm cleaning out the like, medicine cabinet. I'm like, oh, he'll won't notice there was one pill left. And so I know what it's like

[Eldis]

to steal a little for my dad.

[Stavi]

And the first time I did it was because I actually got hurt. Yeah, I had like tooth surgery and I asked him for pain pills and they wouldn't get it. And it starts for real reasons. And I'm like, wouldn't it be awesome to take three of these and use my meal plan for Chinese food? And that's what I. You know what I mean? It starts good and then it becomes really.

[Eldis]

My dad coming home from the hospital, you know, heavy drugs, oxycontin, you know, all the shit. And I'm just like. I'm not even an addict by any means of any kind, but I'm like, okay, it's here.

[Stavi]

Let's take some.

[Eldis]

Yeah, I had a train ride back from D.C. take a little. Don't sleep.

[Stavi]

Sounds awesome.

[Eldis]

Ride it out. I was a Molly kid for a long time, so get back to those days for a little bit.

[Stavi]

Yeah. So anyway, I think you gotta tell. Yeah, personally, I think we. We really did dive into this because it was very meaty. But that's. That's our tr. That's our.

[Eldis]

And I'm just so sorry. I'm so sorry. That's going. That's going.

[Stavi]

That's crazy.

[Eldis]

That's really.

[Stavi]

Sorry.

[Eldis]

Heart goes out for real. That's crazy.

[Stavi]

She can't. And your mom is a dumb ass for telling you, too. Yes, that's on her in a major way. What.

[Eldis]

What. Her voice and what. The story she told was so great. Like, came in. So cute. Firsttime listener. Anyway, here's a bomb show.

[Stavi]

Yeah, it's a bomb. You dropped the bomb on us and I respect that. That's some. That's something meaty.

[Eldis]

That's a good fan right there.

[DSW Announcer]

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[Stavi]

Hey, listeners, Stavi here. Thank you for tuning into Stavi's World each week. If you want to hear new episodes ad free, subscribe to SiriusXM Podcast plus on Apple Podcasts or visit siriusxm.com podcastplus to listen with Spotify or another app of your choice.