Bonus #182 - Doug Smith [PATREON PREVIEW]

Summary

Stavvy’s World: Bonus #182 [PATREON PREVIEW]

Host: Stavros Halkias
Guest: Doug Smith
Date: May 28, 2026

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Episode Overview

This Patreon bonus episode of Stavvy’s World, hosted by Stavros Halkias with guest Doug Smith, dives into a heavy, yet darkly comedic, listener call focused on family, trauma, elder care, and the ethics of reconciling with abusive parents for money. The conversation blends gut-punching real talk about family obligations with trademark irreverence, absurd tangents, and advice that walks the line between sincere and brutally honest. The hosts analyze the emotional and practical consequences of returning to a toxic parent’s orbit—even for a potential inheritance—and expose uncomfortable realities about American elder care, complicated sibling dynamics, and the price of dignity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Listener’s Dilemma: Abusive Father & The House Will

• Caller Eldis describes a childhood fleeing his abusive father, who is now dying of Marfan syndrome (01:00). Eldis’ sister handles his father’s care and pressures him to regain contact, threatening to exclude him from their father’s will if he doesn’t help out (01:45).
• The inheritance is the father’s house, possibly worth $50,000–$100,000 per share, which would help with Eldis’ $40,000 debt. Eldis struggles with whether participating in the family dynamic is worth the money.

Emotional Manipulation & Family Patterns

• Rachel quickly recognizes Eldis isn’t clueless, but triggered:

  "You do know. You're just in the exact situation that makes you... revert into being a nervous ass little kid whose fucking drunk dad might fucking give him a black eye. So you're scared again? … You got to tell your sister to fuck off here, in my personal opinion." (03:10)

• The hosts discuss how children of abuse get guilt-tripped by family to perform care, highlighting the manipulative dynamic.

Absurd Realities of Elder Care

• Doug recounts his own family’s eccentric elder care saga:

  "Yeah, they found out my dad's caretaker was a convicted felon." (03:45)

• The show riffs on the casualness and desperation of hiring strangers (sometimes with criminal records) via TaskRabbit and Craigslist to care for aging parents (04:49–06:59), exemplifying how vulnerable elderly people are—and how draining caregiving duties become.

Sibling Resentment & Responsibility

• Rachel empathizes with the overburdened sister, but makes it clear that abuse survivors do not owe abusive relatives, regardless of will or inheritance:

  “If there's one person whose problem this is not, it's you.” (12:11)

• They point out the cycle:

  "The checks come due for pieces of shit and this is coming due, and it would be nice if it only affected your dad, but it's clearly affecting your sister." (09:53)

The Ethics (and Practicality) of “Inheriting”

• Heavy skepticism about the actual value and availability of the inheritance pervades:

  "I'm also not picturing some like, blue blood palatial estate here... Split four ways? Listen, you're not even going to cover your $40 grand." – Jordan (15:08–15:24)

• Rachel cautions against choosing “money” over “dignity”—especially when the money is uncertain:

  “This money is fake. You don't even have a number. I think she's... there's a chance she's just straight up lying to you.” (16:06)

The Core Advice

• Rachel:

  “Call her bluff and see what she does. Be like, okay, take me out [of the will]... If you want to take me out, I don't give a fuck. I hate him. Let him rot.” (16:22–16:36)

• The team jokingly discusses possibilities “for legal reasons” (insurance fraud, arson, satirically), underlining:

  “For your soul, if this was $100 million, it's not worth it.” (14:56)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Rachel: “You're just in the exact situation that makes you... revert into being a nervous ass little kid whose fucking drunk dad might fucking give him a black eye. So you're scared again?” (03:10)
• Jordan: “They found out my dad's caretaker was a convicted felon.” (03:45)
• Rachel: "Your sister is completely overwhelmed with how much it takes to care for an old person. And she's grasping at straws... what about my brother who my dad molested? What if I could guilt him into changing a diaper every once in a while so I could go to samba class?" (08:16–09:20)
• Rachel: “The checks come due for pieces of shit and this is coming due... but it's clearly affecting your sister.” (09:53)
• Jordan: “I'm also not picturing some like, blue blood palatial estate here... Split four ways? Listen, you're not even going to cover your 40 grand.” (15:08–15:24)
• Rachel: “We're talking about $800 in Kohl's cash, if you know what I mean. We're talking about some vintage Marlboro merchandise.” (15:24–15:35)
• Rachel: “Call her bluff and see what she does. Be like, okay, take me out.” (16:22)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:45–03:11] Listener Eldis presents the family dilemma and poses his question
• [03:11–04:53] The team analyzes guilt, family trauma, and shares similar personal stories
• [04:53–07:13] Absurd stories about hiring caretakers, including felonious TaskRabbit and Craigslist sagas
• [08:13–09:20] Rachel dissects why the sister is desperate, and the burden of elder care
• [09:53–12:11] Discussion on cycles of abuse, family patterns, and sibling manipulation
• [14:24–15:35] Hard look at the “practicality” of the inheritance and its real value
• [16:22–16:37] Final advice: call the bluff, protect your own well-being, and refuse manipulation

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Summary Verdict

Takeaway:
The hosts’ unified advice: Eldis is under no moral obligation to reenter his abuser’s orbit or be manipulated by guilt or vague promises of inheritance. Family members often weaponize guilt to dodge their own fatigue, and in the end, “choosing dignity over money” is almost always worth it—especially when the promised money is speculative. If the abusive parent wants real reconciliation, it must come with a sincere apology, on Eldis’ terms, and not as a transactional quid-pro-quo. The pod blends genuine empathy with blunt, hilarious skepticism—stressing: No amount of “vintage Marlboro merchandise” is worth sacrificing your mental health.

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Listeners are reminded with satire and sincerity: you get to decide who is in your life, not guilt or “Kohl’s cash.”

Transcript

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[Co-host 1]

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[Rachel]

It's Rachel and Jordan. Yeah, hi.

[Jordan]

Quick question.

[Co-host 1]

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[Caller Eldis]

Hey, Stuff. Eldest, beautiful guest. I got a pretty standard shitty dad question for you.

[Rachel]

Great.

[Caller Eldis]

Long story short, my parents divorced when I was young, and I moved in with my dad. He was an abusive piece of shit, so I moved out when I was 13 and never spoke to him again. Fast forward a decade, and he got diagnosed with something called Marfan Syndrome.

[Rachel]

Marfan Syndrome. He's now blind and, I don't know, isn't Marfan syndrome? Isn't that, like, gigantism? Didn't Bobon. Doesn't Boban Marjanovic have Marfan syndrome or some shit? I think that's when you see that,

[Jordan]

like, turned into a titan, when you.

[Rachel]

Basically, I kind of think it's you turning into a titan.

[Co-host 2]

Characterized by skeletal changes like elongation of the limbs and looseness of joints, displacement of the lens of the eye. So that's where the blindness comes in.

[Rachel]

Look up Marfan Syndrome, NBA players and keep playing while you do that. Maybe see if you can be good at producing for. Oh, never mind.

[Caller Eldis]

Practically, I'm deathbed. Like, if I had to guess, this guy has, like, five years left, and my older sister has gotten close to him and has been taking care of him because of that. And now she's pissed at me, the guy he used to abuse when he was young, that I'm not taking care of him, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I live three hours away, so I don't even know why she's mad at me for that. And then she's also threatening to have him cut me out of his will if I don't start Pitching in and reach out to him. I didn't even know I was in it. The only thing in his will is his house split 4 ways, so I'm looking at probably 50 to 100k. I have 40k in loans I need to pay off, so I don't really know what the fuck to do here. I kind of planned on never talking to this guy again, but now my sister's telling me he has this will and.

[Rachel]

Your sister and your dad.

[Caller Eldis]

Dude, don't start talking to him and helping him out. She's gonna have him cut me out of it. And I don't know, man. I got 40k in loan, so I don't know. What's the move, gullible sister, to just go yourself or do I suck it up and back into my life? I don't know. Sorry, it's kind of rambling.

[Rachel]

You do know.

[Caller Eldis]

Thank you.

[Rachel]

You're just. You do know. You're just in the exact situation that makes you the most ner. Reverting into being a nervous ass little kid whose fucking drunk dad might fucking give him a black eye. So you're scared again? Yeah. Dude, you got to tell your sister to fuck off here. In my personal opinion, I don't know, you are. You're. You're kind of dealing.

[Caller Eldis]

You.

[Rachel]

You've dealt with elderly parents, you. A bunch of weird shit's going on. In fact, didn't some crazy shit happen? That was one of the reasons you podcast.

[Jordan]

That was the best excuse yet. Yeah, they found out my dad's caretaker was a convicted felon.

[Rachel]

That's nuts, dude. You just trust that you're bar. Yeah, actually, what we should do is get this convicted felon to care for your dad. Well, that solves all the problems. Send this convicted felon to steal from this guy's abusive piece of shit.

[Jordan]

Doesn't matter if you're in the will or not.

[Rachel]

Yeah, the money's gonna be fucking.

[Jordan]

You'll get what's yours.

[Rachel]

The money's going to a fucking gated community in Barbados. What did I do? You want to fucking. Is it too weird to talk about? No, no, no. You just found out that your dad's caretaker felon.

[Jordan]

It was not my dad was actually doing okay. It was his wife's caretaker. So her kids were hiring just, you know, the. The cheapest. You know, Craigslist.

[Rachel]

That's where you want to cut corners, is carrying after your elderly mother? Are you kidding me? That's insane, dude.

[Jordan]

Yeah, they're like, can you change a diaper?

[Rachel]

No, they're on TaskRabbit. They're like, watch my mom for seven hours, $40 an hour and two bottles of water. Yeah.

[Jordan]

One time if you can mount a television, you can care for a.

[Rachel]

Hey, while you're there, change your diaper. Yeah. You get shelves put in. You're like, hey, in the notes, hang out with my mom and change her diaper twice. We'll give you $40 tip. If so. One time Adam, Adam was telling. Adam Friedland was telling me he hired a fucking. He hired a task rabbit to clean. Like I guess he just wanted like a, you know, he didn't have. He just wanted someone to clean his place. And the guy is just Some dude shows up, just task rabbit and he's like, yeah, I can do it, whatever. And Adam just finds him on his belly, on his, on his phone. The guy just on his phone, feet up, being like, oh, sorry. I was taking a break. Seeing a grown man, first of all, seeing any grown man with his feet up like Britney Spears on the COVID of her fucking album on my bed would piss me off. Something just primal in me would be like, stop enjoying my be. No other man can enjoy my bed. It was a girl. It wouldn't make me as mad. Anyway, yeah. Hired TaskRabbit. So, so, so this is now. So this is your stepmom. Basically.

[Jordan]

My step, My stepmom's kids hired the. They were, they were burned through these people like two weeks paying them a hundred bucks a day for round the clock care, you know. And these people would burn out and, and hit the bricks. So they were just burning through these people. And finally they found this woman who was great. She was just no complaints. Just reorganized the garage, going above and beyond cooking three meals a day, you know, sweet, bubbly. And then my sister in law at some point was like, we should probably be doing background checks on these people. There's a lot of elder abuse and you know, theft and fraud and they ran a background check. She just texted me a picture of a fucking mug shot. Oh no, just this methed out face, just chopped haircut, just.

[Rachel]

Oh my God. But wait, was that like how far in the past, like three, like a month before her.

[Jordan]

It was, it was, I think it was from two years prior to when they hired her.

[Rachel]

It was a little.

[Jordan]

Yeah, soon. Yeah.

[Rachel]

That's crazy. And she was great at the job.

[Jordan]

Yeah. So we were kind of torn. We're like, but she's good. Like they're happy.

[Rachel]

She's on thin ice.

[Jordan]

Yeah, we know what you've done. We Know what you're up to. So that's basically what we said. We were like, we, we know you're, you know, we know your history. Don't do anything. And then you kept her on for a while.

[Rachel]

Nice. And then she eventually, obviously, you know, choked my mother in law to death. She actually ended up selling my stepmother's kidneys on the black market. But she told them they were from a youthful shooter. So then she got killed by the cartel because they were expecting a child's kidneys. It's all right. But that's so funny to be like, ah, she's pretty good.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

And you know what people do need? Chicken.

[Jordan]

Chicken. Catch a tory.

[Rachel]

Yeah. Honestly, if someone was addicted to shit and then got their life and they looked really fucked up in the mug shot and they looked good now. Yeah, I think I. And they were great at the job. I do think you kind. If they looked exactly the same and they were being weird already, I'd be like, all right, yeah, sorry, but you know, people need second chances.

[Jordan]

Exactly. That's what I said. But turn over a new leaf.

[Rachel]

Give her a shot. But finding, getting the, Getting a text that the woman that's in the home with your elderly father every day like this, that's not a great text to get. Well, good for her, right? But anyway, returning to this guy's call, I would say, first of all, here's what's going on. Your sister is completely overwhelmed with how much it takes to care for an old person. And she's grasping at straws and. And now she's like, fuck, how do I. I don't want to do this bullshit. Could we hire someone? I don't wanna pay the money. It's like, what about my brother who my dad molested? What if I could guilt him into changing a diaper every once in a while so I could go to fucking samba class or whatever the fuck. Because like right now, even, like, my mom's dealing with this with, you know, my grandma, she's old as fuck and my mom has to be her care. Like. And I've even offered to be like, do you want. My mom just doesn't want a random person in her house. She's like, look, I'm still young enough, I can still handle it. But I've offered, like, we'll pay for somebody. Like, we'll get somebody. And it's. I don't know, I guess my mom just. People get stuck in patterns that they just know I might just have to force it on her this year because she Cares after my nephew. Basically her whole life has now become babysitter or babysitter of an old woman or a baby or literal baby. But it takes a lot like looking at and I think America's real. Dude, we're going to be really fucked when all these fucking boomers, all these boomers keep voting to keep themselves healthy and have resources. And it's like soon you're about to be so fucking old you're going to drink, they're going to drain all the, they're going to have to sell those houses to get fucking around the clock care because this shit, it's, it's a lot. So I think what's going on here is your sister is up against the wall, right? Needs help. Nope. Your dad's a piece of shit. So no one, he doesn't have community or friends or you're this literal kid who doesn't want to see him. So who the fuck else is going to want to deal with his fuck. Like that's the thing. The checks come due for pieces of shit and this is coming due and it would be nice if it only affected your dad, but it's clearly affecting your sister. I think ultimately I don't know what your relationship is to your sister. I think it's pretty fucked up and manipulative of someone to try and force them to make amends with the person that abused them so badly that this guy said he moved out at 13.

[Jordan]

Thirteen? Yeah.

[Rachel]

Where the fuck did you go? Yeah, I mean what the fuck are you talking about? And also what the hell is his mom up to if his fucking abusive dad got custody? That's fucking nuts, dude. They never give a fucking man custody. His mom must have been a real fucking piece of shit or I don't know, dad or something. I don't know. Sorry, I don't know. I don't. Maybe something I'm. My guess is tragedy.

[Jordan]

He's got to bring the sister to his side and let this guy rot.

[Rachel]

Yeah, I think, I think the point is, I don't know, is your sister a reasonable person? I don't know what the going on

[Jordan]

here, but it's true. It's not something that one person can take on and you're just going to be scrambling for who else. Can I dump some of this?

[Rachel]

Yeah, exactly, exactly. And, but this is not your issue. Like if you have you gotten lucky in the now, even though you're a fucking 40 year old man now, you're still the baby of the family. So do your, your fucking siblings like take Care of most that other shit or do you have to get in?

[Jordan]

Yeah, now that he's. He's. He lives down in Maryland now, like 15 minutes away from my brother. He's at an assisted living facility. So. Yeah, I mean, nice. I was visiting him every week while he was living with the convicted meth head.

[Co-host 1]

Yeah, yeah,

[Rachel]

sure.

[Jordan]

Making sure she hadn't, you know, stolen the hubcaps, but. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was. I mean, that was like a two year stint. I was going to visit him every week.

[Rachel]

Oh, wow. Was you? Connecticut.

[Jordan]

In, In Rockland County.

[Rachel]

So nearby.

[Jordan]

Yeah. It's not fun, man.

[Rachel]

So, yeah, that's my read of the situation is your sister's desperate. This is a lot of work.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

And at the same time, though, I do empathize with her. If it's. If there's one person whose problem this is not, it's you.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

And listen, if, if, if your dad would say to you I'm. I was a piece of shit, I'm really sorry I fucked up so bad. I'd like for you to, you know, if he wasn't like, I don't want you to help me. I would just like to spend. If your dad reached out to you, he was like, I'm so sorry. I'd love to be a part of your life in any capacity that's comfortable for you. It's totally up to you. I realize I fucked up and, oh, by the way, it will never make up for what I did. But I want you to know that when I pass, you get X amount of dollars and you have all. If your dad did that and you had it in writing, by the way, that you're getting money because right now this poor bas is being this gullible idiot. Sorry, man. I don't think you're an idiot. I think you're a gullible person who's abused and probably your pattern is sort of like guilt is really working on you and your sister is keying in on that. And I think it's actually really cruel of her to do that. She doesn't even. He's like, now she knows that if he was. If she just appealed to a sense of justice, he would never help his fucking dickhead dad.

[Jordan]

Right.

[Rachel]

And she probably knows that her dad is never going to fully apologize, so she has no way to like, appeal to his, like, sense of wanting to reconcile. So she knows the most powerful. Just like everything else, this guy's material conditions. We had Jabouki on and he said you can either choose dignity or Money in capitalism. And it's like, that's what she's appealing to you now? She's like, well, I know he's got loans and I'm gonna. Maybe he can trade his dignity, even though he made a principal stand to get away from this abuser. What if I pretended like he might pay his student loans off? Cuz your fucking sister. Your sister doesn't know what's in the will. You don't even know. So if I wouldn't even consider it unless I got a real number in writing, and even then, I think this money is not worth it. You don't know how much it is. Maybe if it was a guaranteed huge lump sum. Maybe you don't even know what's in the will. You don't. You can't trust that that's what's going to stay in the will. These people. Go ahead, Eldis. You're gearing up to say something.

[Co-host 2]

I'm just going to say too. 40,000 in debt sucks. That's a lot. But, you know, when's your dad gonna die? First of all, who knows how long this is gonna be kicking and how long you might be on the hook and, you know, just not feel good about it and never get an apology or anything from him. But also, he said house split four ways. Yeah, probate plus after death is a fucking headache. Someone's gonna need to be like, running around doing the paperwork, you know, the

[Rachel]

lawyer you buy to make all the fees, all this other shit. If all we're talking about is a house, dude, I would say for your soul, if this was a hundred million dollars, it's not worth it.

[Jordan]

Now, I'm also not picturing some like, blue blood palatial estate here.

[Co-host 2]

Somebody tells me this dad has not

[Jordan]

buttoned up his shit the right way. Aluminum siding, split level, ranch.

[Rachel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jordan]

Split four ways. Listen, you're not even going to cover your 40 grand.

[Rachel]

Of course. It's like, look, look, he's going to cut you out of the world. And we're talking about $800 in Kohl's cash, if you know what I mean. We're talking about. We're talking about some vintage Marlboro merchandise. Yeah. Dude, you're being manipulated. You're also gullible. You're falling into the same patterns that your abusive family. I don't. That, you know, put you in this position. Your sister is not who decides whether you have to have a relationship with your dad or not.

[Jordan]

No, you do.

[Rachel]

And furthermore, your sister is not the person who can Convince you to. I think if your dad made a real appeal to you and you felt like you wanted to, then you could do it. But this money, this money is fake. You don't even have a number. I think she's. There's a chance she's just straight up lying to you. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

So don't fucking do.

[Co-host 2]

Call her bluff and see what she does. Be like, okay, take me out.

[Rachel]

Okay. And.

[Co-host 2]

And then be like, dad fucking molested me or hit me or whatever.

[Rachel]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Co-host 2]

And you know, she probably knows at the very least I should fucking get this money. But if you want to take me out, I don't give a fuck.

[Rachel]

I don't fuck.

[Co-host 2]

I hate him.

[Rachel]

I hate him. He's a piece of shit. He rot.

[Jordan]

Make sure you got. Make sure you got home homeowners insurance. Torch the place with him in it.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Two birds, one stone.

[Rachel]

I like that a lot. Yeah. Commit insurance fraud and murder your. Now that's not our. For legal reasons, that's not our official advice. But consider all your options.

[Co-host 2]

What a humorous, satirical solution that is.

[Rachel]

What a satirical humorous non real crazy. Right? It would be crazy to do. Do not look up faulty wiring in the types of homes that your father lives in and try and recreate it. All.

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