Bonus #191 - Enter the Cheeks Zone Vol. 3 [PATREON PREVIEW]

Summary

Episode Overview

Episode: Bonus #191 - Enter the Cheeks Zone Vol. 3 [PATREON PREVIEW]
Date: July 30, 2026
Host: Stavros Halkias ("Stavi")
Theme: This episode centers on listener advice, with Stavros and his co-host diving deeply into a dilemma submitted by a young, enlisted man in the military who has fallen for an older, superior officer—a classic forbidden romance with high personal stakes.

The discussion explores power dynamics, psychological undertones, and the ethical landmines of such relationships, all filtered through the show’s signature comedic and candid tone.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller’s Dilemma: Forbidden Military Romance

• [00:58–02:28]

  • A young, enlisted man confesses he has "fallen in love" with a female superior officer (13 years in vs. his 1 year).
  • They Facetime and call constantly but cannot be seen together publicly due to military regulations and the risk to her career.
  • He’s torn apart emotionally, unsure how to proceed without threatening either of their careers—especially hers.

  Quote:

  "It's just so hard to not be in love with this woman… It's literally destroying my heart."
  — Military Enlisted Man [02:12]

---

2. Analysis: Age, Experience, and Power Dynamics

• [03:18–04:52]

  • Stavi and co-host note the experience gap—she's seasoned, he’s a rookie. It’s not just age but worldliness in the military.
  • They liken it to a boss-employee relationship where true equality is impossible, and draw parallels to classic gender-flipped narratives (e.g., Don Draper–style flings).
  • Stavi suspects the caller is emotionally vulnerable, perhaps naive, and may be filling a deep-seated psychological need.

  Quote:

  "Our friend here is a fucking simpleton… His life sucks dick. He had to join the military. He's never known true love or happiness. And now he's with a real, like, yes, he's getting turned the fuck out."
  — Stavi [04:09]

---

3. Motivations on Both Sides: Needs and Risks

• [05:28–07:06]

  • Stavi speculates the woman enjoys the "authority/forbidden" aspect, while the man is perhaps searching for validation or maternal attention.
  • There's real concern for the caller getting psychologically hurt, as the older partner likely holds more emotional power and practical control.
  • The co-host brings up that pop culture (movies, etc.) thrives on the impossibility of these relationships for a reason.

  Quote:

  "This is a gender flipped version of, you know, fucking your secretary… This woman's behaving like Don Draper right now."
  — Stavi [06:08]

---

4. Advice: Options, Boundaries, and Power Moves

• [07:45–10:50]

  • Stavi’s practical advice:
    • The caller should consider ending things to avoid worse heartbreak or career catastrophe; going "no contact" could be the healthiest move.
    • If he decides to bring up his feelings maturely and she reacts dismissively, he will learn he was valued only as a fling.
    • If she’s receptive and wants to make something real happen (offers concrete plans), she might genuinely care.
    • There’s also a risk: showing maturity by ending it might only further excite her about the forbidden nature of their affair (potential for "love bombing" or manipulation).

  Quote:

  "Either she doesn't give that much of a fuck and it's not a big deal, or this is a psychological thing for her… Maybe you got love bombed. And the first time you threaten her career… it all shuts off."
  — Stavi [08:18]

  Quote:

  "Worst case is we're both heartbroken and your career is fucked. Best is maybe I'm just heartbroken."
  — Stavi [09:46]

  Quote:

  "If you maturely look at the situation and [bring it up], and she's like, 'Okay, fine,' and just doesn't give a fuck at all, then you learned you were a little slam piece."
  — Stavi [09:54]

---

5. Broader Takeaways: Relationship Dynamics & Cultural References

• [10:50–13:10]

  • References to "having hand" from Seinfeld (the concept of power/control in relationships).
  • Co-host playfully invokes MAS*H, discussing classic sitcom hijinks as a farcical (but ultimately bad) approach to escape the military.
  • The consensus: best to take a step back and avoid escalating or deepening an unhealthy dynamic.

  Quote:

  "I'm trying to imagine what the characters on MASH would do because that's kind of my reference for the military… Maybe create some sort of hijinks."
  — Podcast Co-host [12:18]

---

6. Memorable Moments & Humor

• [07:06–07:12]
  • The hosts mock the idea that the military would let someone out of their service "just because" of a forbidden romance—“Oh, you want to go home? Alright, we'll call you an Uber.”
• [13:17–13:43]
  • Quick turn to absurd advice: cross dress to get kicked out (invoking problematic past military policies), then get a job at fast food—testing whether the romance would persist.

---

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• "It's literally destroying my heart." — Military Enlisted Man [02:12]
• "Our friend here is a fucking simpleton… Now he's with a real, like, yes, he's getting turned the fuck out." — Stavi [04:09]
• "This woman's behaving like Don Draper right now." — Stavi [06:08]
• "Worst case is we're both heartbroken and your career is fucked. Best is maybe I'm just heartbroken." — Stavi [09:46]
• "If you maturely… and she just doesn't give a fuck at all, then you learned you were a little slam piece." — Stavi [09:54]
• "Maybe create some sort of hijinks." — Podcast Co-host [12:18]

---

Summary Table: Major Advice & Outcomes

| Advice | If She Responds... | What It Means | |--------------------------------------|--------------------------|-------------------------------------| | End things maturely | Dismissively | He was just a fling | | End things maturely | With a real plan | Real possibility, proceed cautiously| | End things maturely | Overzealously | She’s fetishizing situation, risky |

---

Conclusion

This episode delivers a deeply entertaining and thoughtful breakdown of a complex, emotionally fraught listener problem. Stavi and his co-host combine sharp relationship analysis, pop culture references, and brash comedy, ultimately urging their caller to protect himself by assessing the reality of his forbidden relationship—before things spiral out of control.

Whether you’re navigating taboo love or just here for the laughs, the conversation’s wit and insight make it a quintessentially Stavvy’s World episode.

Transcript

[KFC Advertiser]

The Colonels cooked up a new $10 bucket of the day just for you. Monday, 24 nuggets for $10. Tuesday, eight piece fried chicken for $10. Wednesday, 10 wings for $10. Thursday, eight tenders for $10. Friday, 24 nuggets for. Oh, you guessed it, didn't you? $10. The $10 bucket of the day deal every weekday only at KFC. It's finger licking.

[Commercial Announcer]

Good prices and participation. Variable supplies. Last amount available on third party ordering platforms.

[Thumbtack Advertiser]

Tax extra. Avoiding your unf because you're not sure where to start. Thumbtack knows homes. So you don't have to. Don't know the difference between matte paint finish and satin or what that clunking sound from your dryer is. With thumbtack, you don't have to be a home pro. You just have to hire one. You can hire top rated pros, see price estimates and read reviews all on the app download today.

[Military Enlisted Man]

I recently fell in love with an officer in the military. I'm also in the military, but with a nice officer in the military, enlisted man. And basically it's very, very rare. Frowned upon what we have been doing, but we both really, really like each other.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

That's cute.

[Podcast Co-host]

We're definitely the one.

[Military Enlisted Man]

She's been in for like 13 years and I've been in for like a year. So I'm not trying to ruin her career. Neither is she going on here.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

But what's the setup here?

[Military Enlisted Man]

The. It's just so hard to not be in love with this woman and to just be like, okay, well, just. Even though we've made this incredible connection and like facetime each other all the time. We call each other all the time. But like, we can't be together in like public. And she can't, you know, publicly be with me either. So like, it's just like. And she. And she doesn't want to because she had to do that before, but she still.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

She had to do it before is

[Military Enlisted Man]

like calling me and. But like telling me we can't do this. It was like. It's just driving me up a wall. I don't know what to do. And you know, it's both our careers on the line. Honestly, more so hers than mine.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

But like, yeah, you're disposable. Completely.

[Military Enlisted Man]

I don't know. I guess what I'm trying to ask, like, how do I fucking navigate this? Because it's. It's literally destroying my heart. Poor kid.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

Jesus Christ. He's in the middle.

[Military Enlisted Man]

Okay, yeah, enough of the gay. But.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

And now it's Just a little piece of.

[Podcast Co-host]

For this woman, we need people to say their age, sex, location at the beginning of all their.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Podcast Co-host]

At least the age and sex and exact location.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

Agency. Give us, give us a pronoun. We're not trying to misgender.

[Podcast Co-host]

No, I, I. This is like this. There's a reason that, that there's like movies and movies and movies that are just based on this plot. Because it's like impossible to do anything.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

Now listen, a couple things he said. You want to talk about the psychic plane?

[Podcast Co-host]

Sure.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

The cold reads. A couple things he said perked me up.

[Podcast Co-host]

Go. Oh, I like that. Go, go, go.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

The age gap, right? Huge. Number one, he's one year in. Not really.

[KFC Advertiser]

Just.

[Podcast Co-host]

I guess I didn't think about an age gap with that. I just thought she's. She's been in the military longer. But you're right, she's been in for 13 years. He's been in for one year.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

He sounds young, right?

[Podcast Co-host]

Yeah, I know that makes sense.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

And not. And let's even say it's not necessarily an age gap, the experience gap inside of the armed forces. She is kind of doing the thing. Why it's like, yeah, obviously a boss isn't allowed to fuck someone because they have this weird. You're not allowed whatever. If they talk about as long as those you're superior, whatever. But like the thing everybody says about. Yeah, how can you like your, like you're just not. They're never going to be on equal footing. The context of the relationships. Never going to be two equals that can grow together, whatever. And what really kind of. What really supercharges this theory here is is that he said she's had to do it before. Right? And so I'm a little worried. Our friend here is a fucking simpleton. His life sucks dick. He had to join the military. He's never known true love or happiness. And even if he's gotten pussy, it's from girls his age. And it's maybe been shallow connections. And now he's with a real like, yes, he's getting turned the fuck out. He's got. He's with an older woman with experience who he probably admires on a personal level. And also she's probably a fucking freak, right? Because she's probably getting something out of this. There's the, the forbidden. The like even any kind of like an older woman who fucks a younger guy.

[Podcast Co-host]

Respect.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

You know what I mean? Like, it's like they're, they're like, yeah, fuck it. I'm trying to like, I want, like she's about it. Right? Like,

[Podcast Co-host]

this is really good. You got so much more out of this thing.

[Commercial Announcer]

So.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

So I. Look, I could be completely wrong.

[Podcast Co-host]

No, no, no. But this is what I.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

This is actually a great. This goes back to our earlier conversation, but I don't think I've ever had psychic stuff. But I think I hear certain things and things in my brain go a hundred. You know, this is why I could be a medium.

[Podcast Co-host]

You could, you could be.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

I could be like. I could be like. Did you have a relate. Did your mother. Do you know your mother? You know, like, like your mother? Like. Cause this guy, older woman, I'm willing to bet he's got mommy issues.

[Military Enlisted Man]

Yeah.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

This woman even. Not just the older thing, the authority thing and the secrecy for her. So for him, he doesn't know that this might be a combination of a. Just a hot woman he admires. A just a hot woman wants to fuck him. Right. Who's probably good at fucking, has experience, whatever. Whatever. I'm willing to bet that's the easiest read. I'm willing to bet this also is awakening some psychological shit in him with an older woman, a woman with experience, whatever. And then I would bet this is a thing. I bet this woman gets some kind of thrill out of this. And I'm worried for him. I am actually worried because he is. This is just. This is a gender flipped version of, you know, fucking your secretary and like, or somebody you can just make disappear and like not treating them like an equal and sort of. This is like this woman's behaving like Don Draper right now, basically. And is he. Is he gonna marry this woman? You know what I'm saying? So my advice to you is to just. And look, he's lovesick. He's. So you're. I would completely get the out of here right now with this woman. Like, I think, I think because really your options are you go no contact with the woman or the U.S. army. And as much it's like you're not getting out of your fucking contract. Like, don't. I don't know how this should. Obviously we don't really know the way the military works here, but like, oh, we know there's no way you can. You just started. Or you could just be like, you know what? I actually want to fuck an officer. Can I get out? And they're like, yeah, dude, of course. Yeah, no big deal. We'll send somebody else over to Iran. So.

[Podcast Co-host]

Oh, they're like, oh, you don't want to.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

Oh, you don't want to.

[Military Enlisted Man]

That's cool.

[Podcast Co-host]

You want to go home? All right, we'll call you an Uber.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

You want like a. You want to take the weekend and think about it?

[Podcast Co-host]

Yeah, you know, like, you know.

[Military Enlisted Man]

Yeah.

[Podcast Co-host]

That's a good question. I mean, I am the worst person to ask this question.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

Of course. We all are.

[Podcast Co-host]

I did date someone who's much older than me, and we had the same job, and it did go horribly, but it was a completely different situation.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

Anyway, I could be completely misreading this, but I. You know, but this is. You're called. You called it the. My show, and this is what you're getting.

[Podcast Co-host]

This is what you're fucking getting.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

Is any of this our friend? When you listen, is any of this sounding real? Is any of this sounding right? Let me know. Anyway, I would say, yeah, you have to.

[Podcast Co-host]

And then it sounds like he's more into it than she is.

[KFC Advertiser]

A little bit.

[Podcast Co-host]

I'm getting. That is something that is a vibe that I am getting.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

Did he say we fell in love? Or do you say I fell in love with her? Cause that's the thing. This might. Because I think he said he's asking

[Podcast Co-host]

us, like, what am I supposed to do? And it's like, talk to her about that.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

Yeah.

[Podcast Co-host]

You know what I mean? If you. I'm just wondering if she. She probably has her head on. More straight about it.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

Absolutely. She does.

[Podcast Co-host]

I guess, like. Like within the context that you're describing, I think.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

I think she definitely sounds like that

[Podcast Co-host]

might be the dynamic where he has. Like, you're saying he hasn't had this. He's more confused. She's kind of, like, swayed is the way it's always been.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

Yeah. Which also, to me, leads to this scene. And again, this is. We usually. This is a gender. The usual gender flip dynamic where. Think she might even be leading him on a little bit. I worry about you, bud, that she's just. You think it's more serious than she does, and she, you know, maybe, again, maybe we're wrong. Who knows? But I would say either she doesn't give that much of a fuck and it's not a big deal, or this is a psychological thing for her, and maybe she's. Maybe you got love bombed. And the first time you even sort of threaten her career in any way, she just. It all shuts off. It all, like. And she. Maybe she makes your life a fucking living hell. You just don't know. I think this is too potent for you to be dealing with your first year in the fucking you know, enlisted.

[Podcast Co-host]

Yeah.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

This is not a good situation for you. I would take a big step back from this because you will learn something one way or the other. You will learn how she feels. Right. The way she deals with you being like you maturely looking at the situation and being like, hey, if you, as a, you know, somebody who's 10 years younger than her girlfriend, be like, look, I really care about you. I really like you. I would love to really have a serious relationship, but it seems like that's impossible. And the longer we do this sneaking around, it's either gonna lead to disaster for you.

[Podcast Co-host]

Yeah. There's no answer to get out of it.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

That worst case is we're both heartbroken and your career is fucked. Best is maybe I'm just heartbroken. Right?

[Podcast Co-host]

Yeah.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

And the way she responds to that level of maturity from somebody that she's like. If she's like, that's a really good point. We should stop, whatever. And then, like. And she's like, okay, fine. And she just doesn't give a fuck at all. Then you learned, like, you were a little slam piece. And if you never get her back. But then if she does go. If she does try and make contact later, it's very important to see how she does. Because you could potentially hear by going back to Seinfeld when he's talking about, I have hand. Remember that concept? Having hand in the relationship is like having control. And if you're the one who preemptively is like, we need to break up, you flip the power dynamics in a way where now she's like, whoa, he's taking. You know, he's saying this. And if she reacts, if she makes contact. So, A, if she doesn't ever hit you up again, just move on.

[Commercial Announcer]

Great.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

You learn what you need to do. B, if she hits you up in a way that seems mature. Right. If she's like, I thought about it. It's been months. I really miss you. I'm gonna. And then she lays out a plan. She's like, we could do this, this and this. You could get out here. I could do this. Whatever. I could be transferred. I don't know what. Again, we don't know the fucking army. That's a great sign. That means she actually does care about you. But the third, and I would say probably most probable thing here is that this does do something for her psychologically, you showing some control and power or whatever, flipping the dynamics. It has the possibility of her being like. Even though you would be doing it to be mature, it could Feel like to somebody who's getting a psychological thrill out of this, like you're playing hard to get. And that might make her double down and be like, no, I need you. I must. If.

[KFC Advertiser]

If.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

Now, not only is it forbidden, but it also kind of goes against your wishes if it's kind of like this

[Podcast Co-host]

double becomes more hot. The more you're like, the more there's.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

The more we can't. Exactly. So if it feels like you've supercharged her fetishization of this situation, when she responds to you, that's bad. If she never responds to you, that's actually bad. But you know what happened in the middle ground. If she's like, let's figure this out. That's good in theory, but it also might be bad for both of you. It might be. You might just both be in love and stupid. But that's my.

[Podcast Co-host]

I'm trying to imagine what the characters on MASH would do because that's kind of my reference for the military. You ever seen MASH?

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

Yeah, it was like in the 60s and 70s.

[Podcast Co-host]

Yeah.

[KFC Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Podcast Co-host]

Trying to imagine, like, how would they handle this?

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

They had the one guy who tried to. Who was a cross dresser to get out of it.

[Podcast Co-host]

Is that radar? No, no, no, that's radio radar. I think radar. No, radar is a little guy.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

No, I think it is radar. Look up who cross dressed at Matt or at fucking at.

[Podcast Co-host]

Yeah, because he was trying to get. He was trying to get kicked out because they said they think he was gay.

[Military Enlisted Man]

No.

[Podcast Co-host]

Crazy. I think.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

I think you weren't allowed to be gay back this before.

[Podcast Co-host]

You definitely weren't allowed to be gay. But I think he. I think it's even more offensive in the sense that he was trying to make them think he was the most

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

insane you could do is pretend to be gay.

[Podcast Co-host]

Or I think. I mean, that's what I think. Corporal Maxwell Q. Clinger.

[Military Enlisted Man]

Clinger. You're right.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

You're right. You had better.

[Podcast Co-host]

I'm telling you. That's why I might be the one to answer this question.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

Okay, okay.

[Podcast Co-host]

So go ahead. So maybe create some sort of hijinks.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

Oh, that's a great idea. Maybe start cross. Actually, we are now back in the US Military. That's very transphobic.

[Podcast Co-host]

True, true.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

Start cross dressing. They'll kick you out fast. Throw a little fucking lipstick, say you're trans. Next thing you know, you're fucking your girlfriend. Now you're. Now you're Mr. Corporal whatever the fuck you know. Or Captain whatever the fuck you said.

[Podcast Co-host]

Get a job working fast food. And then see how if she still finds you attractive. But she probably won't.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

It's a great, great point.

[Commercial Announcer]

Back to school season. You've got the new backpack, the folders, the 17 highlighter colors. But there's one essential that never makes the shopping list their pillow. And we all know better school days start with better sleep. So we've got big news. Coop Sleep Goods is running their Back to school sale. Save 20% on the entire collection, spend 150 bucks or more and get a free gift. The sale starts July 28 and ends Aug. 25. From cooling pillows to mattress toppers that transform thin dorm room mattresses. I mean, the only thing left to blame for a bad night's sleep is their insomniac roommate. Coops pillows are adjustable, built to fit how your kid sleeps, whether that's a twin XL dorm bed or their room at home. Spend 150 bucks or more and get a free Ultra Tech pillow Protector. Head to coopsleepgoods.com comedy that's coopsleepgoods.com Comedy 20% off, plus a free pillow protector with 150 bucks or more.

[Stavi (Podcast Host)]

Hey listeners, Stavi here. Thank you for tuning into Stavi's World each week. If you want to hear new episodes ad free, subscribe to Sirius XM podcast plus on Apple Podcasts or visit siriusxm.com podcastplus to listen with Spotify or another app of your choice.