[UNLOCKED] Stavvy's World Bonus #99 - Live Call Show Vol. 17 w/ Robert Kelly

Summary

Stavvy's World Podcast Episode Summary
Episode: [UNLOCKED] Stavvy's World Bonus #99 - Live Call Show Vol. 17 w/ Robert Kelly
Release Date: October 25, 2024

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Introduction

In this special bonus episode of Stavvy's World, host Stavros Halkias welcomes comedian Bobby Kelly to the show for an engaging and uproarious discussion. The episode seamlessly blends casual banter, humorous anecdotes, and live caller interactions, offering listeners a genuine glimpse into Stav and Bobby's camaraderie and comedic chemistry.

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Promotion of "Let's Start a Cult"

Early in the episode, Stavros takes a moment to promote his indie film, "Let's Start a Cult", which proudly debuted in theaters across several major cities on the release date. He highlights Bobby Kelly's role as his father in the film, emphasizing the collaborative effort alongside other friends starring in the movie.

Stavros Halkias [01:00]: "Look, it's technically theaters, okay, but go see it. We're just doing this as a little extra bonus to put awareness of let's Start a Cult out there."

Bobby enthusiastically supports the promotion, sharing his excitement about the movie and their experience bringing it to the big screen.

Bobby Kelly [86:47]: "I'm so proud of you, dude. Thank you, brother. You made your own movie. I mean, everybody's so happy about you."

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Casual Banter Between Stavros and Bobby Kelly

Following the promotion, Stav and Bobby dive into a series of lighthearted and often absurd conversations. Topics range from ethnicity and personal grooming to humorous takes on modern masculinity and relationships.

Stavros Halkias [02:07]: "Who's Greek?"
Bobby Kelly [02:09]: "He's Albanian first."

Their playful exchange underscores the relaxed and friendly atmosphere of the podcast, setting the stage for deeper discussions ahead.

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Live Calls and Discussions

The heart of the episode features live caller interactions, where Stavros and Bobby provide “fatherly advice” on a variety of personal issues. Below are highlights from some of the most notable calls:

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1. Richie’s Relationship Advice

Caller: Alpho (Richie)
Timestamp: [27:38] - [39:00]

Issue: Richie seeks advice on handling situations where men continuously hit on his black girlfriend, making him feel insecure and conflicted about his responses.

Discussion Highlights:

• Stavros encourages Richie to maintain his boundaries while being respectful.

  Stavros Halkias [28:16]: "Be like, what's up, man? Like, literally talk to him as if it's just a human being and just keep it moving."

• Bobby suggests Richie assertively confront unwanted advances through rap battles to gain respect.

  Bobby Kelly [30:02]: "No, I went away for some broccoli. I came back, and you're talking to me. It's not right. Put your hands on my girl's butt."

• The hosts emphasize the importance of self-respect and setting clear boundaries in relationships to prevent long-term resentment.

---

2. Shelly’s Relationship Issues

Caller: Shelly
Timestamp: [45:27] - [59:05]

Issue: Shelly discusses her discomfort with her girlfriend's recent decision to start drinking alcohol, despite previously abstaining. This change in behavior disrupts their relationship dynamics and Shelly's personal boundaries.

Discussion Highlights:

• Stavros advises Shelly to evaluate whether the relationship is truly fulfilling and to communicate her boundaries clearly.

  Stavros Halkias [55:02]: "You can have any race wife you want, buddy. We're not dead telling you what race your wife should be."

• Bobby reinforces the significance of maintaining personal boundaries for long-term relationship health and personal well-being.

  Bobby Kelly [57:44]: "If you put a boundary down now, you're going to work, you're going to fix them together."

• The hosts collectively suggest that standing up for one's boundaries is essential, even if it leads to uncomfortable conversations or potential relationship strain.

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3. Ethan Suplee’s Engagement Concerns

Caller: Ethan Suplee
Timestamp: [61:28] - [84:50]

Issue: Ethan reveals that his fiancée's sister suspects he is gay, leading to familial tension and doubts about his sexual orientation despite his straight identity.

Discussion Highlights:

• Stavros and Bobby tackle Ethan's situation with a mix of humor and unconventional advice, suggesting outlandish methods to prove heterosexuality, such as engaging in absurd demonstrations.

  Stavros Halkias [65:48]: "Invite her over, right? So here's what you're gonna need. You're gonna need an iPad and you're gonna need a buzz saw..."

• They mock the idea of performing extreme actions to validate one's sexuality, highlighting the absurdity of such societal pressures.

• The conversation shifts to the importance of self-acceptance and the futility of trying to prove one's inherent identity to others.

---

4. Jay’s Fallout from Teacher Relationship

Caller: Jay
Timestamp: [71:46] - [86:56]

Issue: Jay discusses the repercussions of having an inappropriate relationship with a teacher, leading to personal and social fallout, including legal issues and personal trauma.

Discussion Highlights:

• Stavros and Bobby acknowledge the severity of Jay's situation, emphasizing that such relationships are harmful and unethical.

  Bobby Kelly [75:03]: "You're talking... You're not the first to experience this, but you have to face it head-on."

• They collectively condemn the misconduct, reinforcing the importance of ethical boundaries between students and teachers.

• The hosts suggest seeking professional help and establishing healthy coping mechanisms to deal with the trauma resulting from such experiences.

---

5. Max’s Medical Concerns

Caller: Max
Timestamp: [88:29] - [96:58]

Issue: Max discusses his struggles with a tight foreskin (phimosis) that causes pain and affects his sexual confidence and performance.

Discussion Highlights:

• Stavros provides practical advice on how to manage the condition without medical intervention, though with limited success.

  Stavros Halkias [89:03]: "You just gotta get over it, dude. It's just like every other shortcoming."

• Bobby and Stavros joke about circumcision as a solution, with Bobby even offering to fund Max's procedure, despite philosophical reservations.

  Bobby Kelly [92:24]: "We're gonna do a GoFundMe to make your dick right."

• The conversation underscores the importance of addressing physical health issues while maintaining a humorous tone to ease the discomfort surrounding the topic.

---

Conclusion and Final Promotions

As the episode winds down, Stavros and Bobby continue their trademark humor, intertwining personal anecdotes with ongoing promotions.

Stavros Halkias [86:59]: "It's just a bunch of dick jokes, fat jokes, ugly joke, like just base comedy for idiots."

They reiterate their encouragement for listeners to watch "Let's Start a Cult," reinforcing their pride and joy in the project's release.

Stavros Halkias [87:14]: "We just made a stupid comedy. There's no you. You won't learn any lessons from it. It's just a bunch of dick jokes, fat jokes, ugly joke, like just base comedy for idiots. And that's what you are, and that's what we are."

The episode concludes with playful banter and well-wishes for upcoming events, including plans for future Thanksgiving episodes.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Stavros Halkias [01:00]: "Go see it. We're just doing this as a little extra bonus to put awareness of let's Start a Cult out there."

• Bobby Kelly [27:38]: "Listen, dude, you gotta learn how to rap."

• Stavros Halkias [45:04]: "How did it feel to play the father of not only me me?"

• Bobby Kelly [57:17]: "You gotta say no."

• Stavros Halkias [86:56]: "It's just a bunch of dick jokes, fat jokes, ugly joke, like just base comedy for idiots."

---

Final Thoughts

This episode of Stavvy's World masterfully blends humor with heartfelt advice, creating an engaging and relatable experience for listeners. Through candid conversations and entertaining exchanges, Stavros and Bobby offer a unique mix of comedy and genuine support, solidifying their roles as beloved figures in the podcasting community.

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Note: All quotes are attributed accurately with timestamps for reference.

Transcript

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Stavros Halkias]

A question for you. What do you do when you win? Like, are you a fist pumper?

[Bobby Kelly]

A woohooer, A hand clapper, a high fiver?

[Stavros Halkias]

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Stavros Halkias]

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Stavros Halkias]

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Ethan Suplee]

We're prohibited by law.

[Bobby Kelly]

18 plus terms and conditions apply.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hello folks. We have an incredible episode with Bobby Kelly coming up right now. It's a Patreon episode, but we're unlocking it as a free bonus because today. Let's Start a Cult. Our little indie movie that I wrote, I'm starred in with a couple of my friends and Bobby Kelly plays my father in it. It comes out today in theaters in a handful of big cities. Look, it's technically theaters, okay, but go see it. We're just doing this as a little extra bonus to put awareness of let's Start a Cult out there. And also so you can enjoy a fun live episode. We do these on the. On the Patreon every month we have at least one or two of these. We like to talk to you directly. So here's a little taste. If you like this kind of episode. We do them every month. And more importantly, go see let's Start a Cult. And Eldis, start the music.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll play the theme song. Scoop. Doo doo boo. Boo. It's me. And a Jew. It's me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Papa.

[Bobby Kelly]

Papa. Hey.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hey everybody. Welcome to Stavi's world. Bobby Kelly on the couch giving us a. Maybe a better version of the theme song. I like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Bye bye. Scooby Doo.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who's Greek?

[Stavros Halkias]

He's Albanian.

[Bobby Kelly]

Albanian first. Oh yeah, I forgot about that.

[Stavros Halkias]

We've gone over this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we were scared last time. He's something over there because of that. That eyebrow Hair and pubic hair that connect.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I mean, Jesus, man, it's Balkan for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who shaves their eyes? Who has to shave side of their.

[Eldis]

This is nothing for me.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's pretty hairless, honestly, right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's very hair.

[Stavros Halkias]

He came from. He came from the beach. No, he's got that beach. That beach. Blonde hair still. He put. He put like a leave in beach. Beach treatment as you should do it looks good.

[Bobby Kelly]

You look fantastic.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Bobby wants to suck you off.

[Eldis]

Hell yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not that I want to. Yeah, but I don't want to. I wouldn't. I don't think I'd be able to suck him off.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's too. You need more petite.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wouldn't need more petite. I just, you know, like, he would laugh goofy or he'd ruin it for you. Yeah, I'd look up and he'd be like, right? And I'd be like. You liking it? He's like, sure. He would give me like a definite. He would give me like. Yeah, it's cool. Like some.

[Stavros Halkias]

You would need that. You would need positive reinforcement if I'm.

[Bobby Kelly]

Going to blow you. I want fucking. I want this. I want what I would give. Fuck. Cause I wanna give that back. I wanna be like you. Fuckin'you like that. Yeah. Fuck. Ugh. Fuck. I want my half sense.

[Stavros Halkias]

So to be clear, if you're gonna have gay sex, you want passionate gay sex.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know those half sentences. You fuckin.

[Max]

You fuckin.

[Stavros Halkias]

Natty fuckin'you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do that fuckin.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're too overcome by emotion for punctuation.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I want some. I want some fucking grind. I want anger.

[Stavros Halkias]

Now how far do you think you are? Thank you. The regs.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

There you go. Oh, thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, There you go.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's see how much bigger your head is than mine.

[Bobby Kelly]

My head's shrunken.

[Stavros Halkias]

It does. It has shrunk. My.

[Bobby Kelly]

Shrunk in my head. What is it? Yeah, why? Not that. You have flies. This town where you live has these things.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay? I live in a story of Queens and it's garbage. It's beautiful. It's a beautiful town.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, you have to live with everything. I mean, I saw. I mean everything walked by me. You got mag.

[Stavros Halkias]

The most diverse neighborhood in the world.

[Bobby Kelly]

You got fucking legal Mexicans, illegal Mexicans.

[Stavros Halkias]

You check their status.

[Bobby Kelly]

You got fucking Arabs, you got Jews, you got fucking Greeks, you got. You got gays, they them. This.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nothing wrong with that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got my fucking. They them coffee right around the corner. No, they call these in New Hampshire.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's that?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm up in Hampshire. I went up to get my coffee and I was like, can I get this? This and this goes. Oh, you want a weirdo coffee?

[Stavros Halkias]

That's what I love. You like coming here to feel like the. The alpha regular guy here's. But everywhere else, you're the gayest guy in that town. In the townships you're in.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, here's the problem.

[Stavros Halkias]

And this is how you look.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's not forget you were a little Latino passing twink when you first moved to New York.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was never a little Latino passing. I was sexy muchacho. I was muchacho you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. You've become now a suburban father with the salt and pepper beard and your pickup truck. It's impossible to park in the city that you don't. That you don't need. You don't need that hauling power.

[Bobby Kelly]

I should have took the Lexus.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's how you are now.

[Bobby Kelly]

I should have took the Lexus. You're right. I should have took the Lexus. The reason why I have the truck, cuz. Because I do. I am. I have two homes.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's true.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have a house in New Hampshire.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

That we have to throw all the kayaks and the stuff in.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure, sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then I have the. Now I moved up to. Maybe you should edit that out. I don't want a bunch of your fans milling around.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, of course.

[Bobby Kelly]

Have you seen Even though Ryan Reynolds lives in my town. Oh, look at that. Martha Stewart, Edie Falco. I mean, the list goes on. And now, of course.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course.

[Bobby Kelly]

SAG writer, union rep, Robert Kelly, writer.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know if I would have led with that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm in the. I'm in the writers union.

[Stavros Halkias]

You punched up a couple episodes of Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll. Here's the thing, Bobby. Performer. I don't know that Hemingway springs to mind. When I think of you, I know how I got.

[Bobby Kelly]

Trying to think how I got into it. Well, we did cheat the movie.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cheat.

[Bobby Kelly]

I had. I had to join.

[Stavros Halkias]

You wrote that. You wrote that with Bur and Derosa and.

[Bobby Kelly]

And Derosa took all the credit.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Unbelievable too. Swear to God. We're at the. We're at the premiere. We got into Tribeca Film Festival. We're at the premiere. And they, you know, they bring the people up. They just brought the director up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Derosa. And he thanked everybody and they didn't bring us up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow. That's crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, I just want to thank everyone. Directing has always been a dream. What the. Anyways, I digress.

[Stavros Halkias]

Based on a book you did with that.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, the book was based on a movie we did. So we wrote the movie, filmed it ourselves. Much like a you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right. Like let's start a cult. And it's out in theaters today, right now. That's right. Have Bobby here in part. And you will be thanked by the way. I don't know that we're bringing you up on stage, but we'll thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, listen, I don't expect you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Do a nice wave from the theater.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not even going. They're lucky they got me a fourth of July. No, I mean, look, man, the thing is, I talk about writing. I'm in the writers using union. I don't know what a semicolon is.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which is pretty wild.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I love that about you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know that the semicolons, the two dots or the dot with the.

[Stavros Halkias]

Other dot with the comma underneath.

[Bobby Kelly]

And what does that do?

[Stavros Halkias]

And it's. You know, what's interesting about it, has the same function essentially as a period. It's kind of a nerds period, where you want. When you want it to be a little more connected, the two clauses that is separating are a little more connected than two separate sentences, since you bring.

[Bobby Kelly]

It up a clause.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that like Santa?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's like Santa.

[Bobby Kelly]

This business wacky. I mean, come on. We got a chubby Greek, made a movie and put a used to be chubby, will be chubby again, Italian, Irish, slash Mexican, American Indian, Yugoslavian into your movie as your dad. This is a world we live in.

[Stavros Halkias]

How did it feel to play the father of not only me me? It's a stretch, but it's at least theoretically possible. If you had like, you had a kid young, you were also playing Ethan Supley's father, and Ethan is like four years younger than you were, five years younger than you. We did the math. It was so funny. You guys, like, could have been. He could have been like middle school while you were a senior.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And he's so much more of a man than anyone I've ever met.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, exactly.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sitting there like, this is gonna fly. You like you.

[Stavros Halkias]

I remember you. Look.

[Bobby Kelly]

You went, yeah. It's going, oh, no.

[Stavros Halkias]

Getting there. I'm like, ah. This was a. Because, you know. You know, I'm like, ethan's my friend. He used to be fat. He's a real actor.

[Bobby Kelly]

Real.

[Stavros Halkias]

No way he's gonna be in my movie.

[Bobby Kelly]

Real.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm clear to cast Bobby as the dad Ethan's gonna say no.

[Bobby Kelly]

You up? You up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Ethan says yes. I'm sort of locked into Bobby now. Is the dad.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love that. You knew I wasn't gonna say no.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, no chance. Yeah. If I'd be like, oh, is Skanks Fest east happening that weekend? Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, hey. You know, you don't give it. You know, these are the people that started you. This is Skankfest.

[Stavros Halkias]

Skanks Fest, Aruba. They're partnering with. With Ray Allen.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do not put that in Lewis's Gangs.

[Stavros Halkias]

Fest cruises that weekend. I can't make it. No, it looks fun. Hey, look, if it was in New York, I want. But Vegas is just tough, man. I don't want to go to Vegas.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Why would you go to the place where everything is ridiculous and there's. It's. It's crazy and.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fun. And I don't want to. Why would you.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm done having fun.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're done having fun? Really? Yeah. What's this about? This is just.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, what's. What's this about? What's. Excuse me. What's all this? What's. What's this? If we're not. If we're not here having fun, what is that behind that?

[Stavros Halkias]

You're right.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is. What is this?

[Stavros Halkias]

I should have an Asian who's good at his job instead of my best friend.

[Bobby Kelly]

If we're done having fun, what's the flip flops that don't fit?

[Stavros Halkias]

Hey, come on. These are orthotics.

[Bobby Kelly]

That sounds like, big as an undated flip flop.

[Stavros Halkias]

You put your foot in these, you're gonna love them.

[Bobby Kelly]

You bought them in a store where you can buy ham.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, no. They might have that appearance. These were. I'm wearing prescription flip flops.

[Bobby Kelly]

That is the fattest thing. And I've heard fat things.

[Stavros Halkias]

I had a dog. Oh, you. Have you ever.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't like you. A fat on fat crime.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Oh, have you ever? Well, you abandoned me.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't abandon you.

[Stavros Halkias]

You abandoned the fat lifestyle. I saw a picture of how fat you used to be, and I am happy for you. But it also. I was like. I am. I actually am.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're not happy. I am because I've been where you're at, you know?

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't project.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Do not project.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have me as your fat barometer. As long as I don't get that fat, I'm all right. You were like. You had pictures of me. I passed you good.

[Stavros Halkias]

I passed you last year. Number one. You are correct. You Were my fat barometer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. I had. I had Jonathan and Roger May and they died.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what? I much prefer what happened to my fat barometer than what happened to your fat barometers, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, I was. We know how sad I was when Patrice, Ralphie May and John Burnett died. And someone on the Internet the night Ralphie died when. How does it feel to be the fattest comic?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's like when a little boy is thrust into the kingdom because. Because his father and uncle both die in war. You're like, I guess I'm the fattest comic now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, being.

[Stavros Halkias]

Listen, I am happy for you. But yes, I saw a picture because I was going through pictures because Ari. I did Ari's travel podcast, Shafir. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

The guy who shits.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, the guy who shits. Yes, her. Yeah, his hemorrhoids.

[Bobby Kelly]

One of the greats.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Well, let's not get carried away. He's a great. I love him, but one of the greats.

[Bobby Kelly]

One of the great Jews.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know about that one either, man. Yeah, yeah. He's one of the lot of Nobel prize winners in the tribe fly. I know, but I. I saw how fat you were and it was like you were a great looking fat guy also, by the way, like a. And a. A very. To be that fat and you had just a nice energy about you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got. I just got scared. I thought. I thought, I thought you going to use the word obese. Well, my heart just.

[Stavros Halkias]

I guess I won't use it. I mean, I. If you don't want to hear it, I won't say it.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's the nword for f. You know.

[Stavros Halkias]

That'S when you tack morbid on. That's what more.

[Ethan Suplee]

But.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm a pseudo doctor. She's like, you're morbidly obese. I went, what the. How dare you.

[Stavros Halkias]

How dare you.

[Bobby Kelly]

How dare you use that.

[Stavros Halkias]

How dare you say accurate scientific term to describe me. Well, but there was just a. It was like seeing that and be like, wow, I really lost that insanely fat version of Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, which I'm good. I'm glad. I'm trying never to be as fat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Does it sounds like you're a little sad that your old fat buddy isn't coming over here with some fuck in his pocket?

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, no, I am happy because we would both die. You know what I mean? But there's. There's something, you know when it's like you have a bad relationship, that's not good for You. But you're like, wow, we had that one weekend in Hawaii.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That I wish I could time travel back to, but I don't want that person in my life day to day. Yeah, I. I'm glad you're not that person day to day, but if I could just time travel for 24 hours, we could live in a Korean barbecue restaurant. You know what I mean?

[Bobby Kelly]

Just some dumplings and. Just dumplings. Just a dim sung place.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, late night. If we could just take a. You're in a VR and we're just at that Chinese restaurant in Boston. Yeah. Oh, cow. We went to Kowloon, stupid.

[Bobby Kelly]

Then we went to downtown to the real place. Who'd we go with?

[Stavros Halkias]

Eugene Merman.

[Bobby Kelly]

Eugene Merman? Yes, your idol. The guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Not my idol.

[Bobby Kelly]

Isn't this his statue that you had made? I'm sorry. Am I. That's not Eugene.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, that's not. That's not Eugene.

[Bobby Kelly]

You had a statue made of Eugene?

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, but that. But anyway, I. That was the time where you talk. That was, in fact the restaurant where you instituted the I'm not allowed to have the first of anything rule where I had to wait for you to open up. Eating. I.

[Bobby Kelly]

You.

[Stavros Halkias]

Basically, I was a vampire. That has to be invited in.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. You know, because you took it too far.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. And we've covered it. I'm just saying that was it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Single lonely Federals to group. Fat rules. Different things, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

I wasn't allowed the first or the last one. And I think that's.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a great sound.

[Stavros Halkias]

Fat leadership on your part.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. I invented also, you gotta eat your crust.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's true.

[Bobby Kelly]

I invented that with Quinn because that's. He's another fat.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, he doesn't eat crust.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, we ate. If I'm eating a pizza with him and he's. And he's putting his. So you get the pizza.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

And as a fat person, when you get a pizza, you're looking at every slice. Where am I going? Where is he? It's a.

[Stavros Halkias]

There is a ranking of slices. Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

All here. It's done in a fucking ballistic.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't want the huge bubble with no cheese.

[Bobby Kelly]

Huge bubble, no cheese. That's burnt. Maybe I want that. Am I in the mood? You're going through that pizza in seconds and you're going. I'm going to go here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, there's a lopsided cut.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then he's going to go here. I'm pretty sure he's going to go here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm going to go Here. Then he's going to go there. That's cool, because I'll go here if he goes there.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you. You. When you look over and he. His. His crust is there, and he went for the slice that you were going for, but you couldn't go for it because you're still chewing your crust. And then you look over, there's a pile of crust. Now we're eating the same slices.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're so.

[Bobby Kelly]

Same amount. But he ate all the good ones.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

He got there quick. And I was like, you gotta eat your crust. He goes, I save it for the end. I go, that's illegal.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, no way. Or. What you would have to do is start the meal with a draft. You should start the meal with a pizza slice draft, where it's like, dibs.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dibs, dibs, dibs, dibs, dibs. Yeah, I'm gonna take this one. Where are you going?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I'm gonna go there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Great. I'm gonna go here.

[Stavros Halkias]

I like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna take the bubble, but you're gonna take the burnt crust with only two pepperoni. Yeah, yeah, that's fine.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's great.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna take the three pepperoni, four pepperoni. And if the. Pull that out, if some of your cheese comes off. I get it. Yes, I get it. That's.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, that's another thing to negotiate. Who gets stuck on the paper. Cheese rights.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because that happens towards the end when it starts to hide. And you're looking at his pulling and you're like, you better look. There's a lot. When you're a fat person, a lot goes into it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't just. But now, yeah, I don't have any of those problems. Like, we go to eat, dude. My wife's like, where do you want to go? I go, I don't give a.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't care. I'm only having a little bit of whatever the. Whatever we get. Yeah, I'm only having a little bit, and I'm done. I'm tapping the up. So I don't care. Food to me right now. Don't give a. At all.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're free.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm free, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm free.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love I'm free.

[Bobby Kelly]

It sucks because I'm thinner, but I. There's always. I don't know if you have this. I've always had this dream of mine that I would become Brad Pitt in Fight Club.

[Stavros Halkias]

Never have that dream. I haven't. You used to be hot. That's the key difference in Our types of fat is that I know only this. You were a piece of ass from probably, you know, when you were an adolescent until when.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, no.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's the first fat?

[Bobby Kelly]

The first fat was sixth grade. Lonely, lonely. Sixth grade. Divorced stepfather used to beat me, right? Got fat.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sixth grade protection.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mr. DiPurzio took me in, took me to the Father Son dinner. As my dad, he was a jogger, he got me into running. We're in the sixth grade Olympics. 440. Little Fat Bobby came up. Kelly. Kelly, I want you to win the 440. And I won. I beat this fast, lightning fast black kid, Eddie. Eddie who? Was he thin and fast?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I muscled him out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right? Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I pushed through and I won.

[Stavros Halkias]

And that's the Boston version of the tortoise and the hair. The fat. My kid. And the. And this fast black kid, you know, Eddie kept stopping to talk to girls and pickpocket. But me, I just whitely looked ahead and slowly but surely won the 440. He kept playing pickup basketball games and shoplifting Arizona iced teas, but not me. You hear that, kid? Yeah. There you go. BLEEP that out. We're not being paid for that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, really? Sorry. Bleep.

[Stavros Halkias]

Make it blurry. Just while. Just when he plugs it.

[Bobby Kelly]

My they them. My they them coffee.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nothing wrong with that. They thems know how to make a nice coffee.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tell you something about they thems.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love to hear where this is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Going to tell you something about they them.

[Stavros Halkias]

Please, please get on the record.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. I will not. I will not go into a bakery unless there is a gay flag y. Is that where you got the lesbian couple or a couple couple dykes?

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, if there's not.

[Bobby Kelly]

If there's. If there's not gay people baking my stuff, I'm not going.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, you want. Either that or you want. Doesn't even speak English. Fresh.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't want him anymore.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, really?

[Bobby Kelly]

They're too old.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're too old.

[Bobby Kelly]

Too old. They made money. Their kids are like, dad, I want to work at the bay.

[Stavros Halkias]

What about the fresh?

[Bobby Kelly]

He's like. And his hands don't work right.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're right. You're right. He's starting to burn the rolls. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're past it.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're right.

[Bobby Kelly]

15 years ago. Yeah, but now he's like, oh, I forgot to put in the East. Whatever the fuck Joseph up. I want a lesbian and I want a gay guy. I want gay. I want it gay. Gay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to wear Aria our butter. We make it in the back every Tuesday.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. That sounds awesome. I mean, that does sound great.

[Bobby Kelly]

It is. We have up in New Hampshire, bro. Up in New Hampshire. Anywhere the gays go, anywhere they go, they make it better.

[Stavros Halkias]

I agree.

[Bobby Kelly]

It is better.

[Stavros Halkias]

How's the. How's the foliage up in New Hampshire?

[Bobby Kelly]

I haven't been yet. I'm going up after this. We're actually going. I'm leaving Friday to go film comedy camp.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's happening.

[Stavros Halkias]

Love it. Hell yeah, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Me, Norton, Yamanika, and Bobby Lee.

[Stavros Halkias]

Love that. Great combo.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's five days in the woods, no electricity.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

No cell service, no agents, no craft services.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Woods.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

And us.

[Stavros Halkias]

Camera survive. Well, what are we doing for fun in between?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, we're going to be doing bushcrafting, but they're gonna have to learn how to do things. You're gonna have to learn how to get processed wood, light fires, make a shelter. They're gonna have to. I mean, dude, all this stuff. We have a survival person that's gonna help everybody learn how to do stuff, but it is going to shut it down. We're outside.

[Stavros Halkias]

Outside, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're gonna be in the middle of nowhere where you have to find your own tree, dig your own little latrine.

[Stavros Halkias]

Damn.

[Bobby Kelly]

And poop that. And then.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's. It's. I'm getting a little nervous.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, we. We hit the cab. We went to Maine after I did Rhode island and just to take some nude photographs in the woods.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry.

[Stavros Halkias]

Straightly, might I add. Of course.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, of course. With you, it's just me and two.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of my buddies hitting a cabin and being straight and being naked.

[Bobby Kelly]

It sucks. Being your friend really does. Just straight gay photos. What a boy. Oh, yeah. You never dabble into nothing. It's true. You never dabbled.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's true. I don't even have your street cred, Bob.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you're just a straight guy. I don't even have doing gay things sucks.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't even have trying to find happy ending massages through the phone book and ending up in a gay place and being like, I'm here.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, it wasn't a gay place. Straight place. But they were busy. And when I looked down, it was a guy's foot in women's flip flops. And when I looked up and I went, yo. And he went. We were busy. And I went, hey, I respect it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, fuck. We. I keep. I'm forgetting because I enjoy talking to you so much.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

We did this live because we decided we needed some real fatherly advice to our callers every. Because we got. We have people on the line right now. Right now, live, so. Right. We do.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have fans.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I always forget. I'm so used to my shows where it's like, we have one caller.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like, bill, we've talked to you, man. But, like, come on. Enough where the guy just knows you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Name is Lou.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's Lou.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. What's up? What do we got?

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm here because I forget. We probably have a bunch waiting, don't we?

[Bobby Kelly]

All this fatherly advice because we just.

[Stavros Halkias]

We have. We could. We could literally just do a podcast for three hours without even trying between us. Yeah, yeah. So we want to say.

[Bobby Kelly]

One of my biggest regrets in life is not going, hey, star, if you want to do this with me, really let you go to Nick Mullen.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it is. It is hilarious how. How you. You launched every successful podcaster. Every big. Every big. The biggest shows in New York all traced directly back to you. And you're going. You're in the woods with Yamanika next week.

[Bobby Kelly]

Every bit Burr. Joe Lewis, Dan. I mean, everybo. You need the soil. Is that a thing? I don't know if that's a thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

The soil of podcasting, the greatest top soil there is, folks. You're looking at them right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

As soon as your roots grow, rip yourself out and put yourself into the world. Because my soil has room for one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's get. Yeah, so let's get advice from some of the finest podcasting soil in the universe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's go. Father. The advice.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I mean, you're the only father we've had.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're the only father in this room that's ever going to exist. Cause you're alone in your house.

[Stavros Halkias]

Eldest will have kids.

[Bobby Kelly]

He will not. Cause you'll force him to do this forever. Two straight men acting gay in a room alone. Nobody's home. We're still in Queens. Cause I love diversity. I love inclusion. I love different people of all different races running around my house. That's why I dress homeless, so they don't bother me.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a great song.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do we got? Oh, yeah. Feel free to use that as the opener. What's going on, Eugene?

[Stavros Halkias]

Who do we got here?

[Eldis]

Elders Alpho, are you there? Alpho, unmute.

[Bobby Kelly]

What are you on? CB radio. Roger that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Alpho.

[Bobby Kelly]

Alpho.

[Eldis]

Alpha.

[Stavros Halkias]

Alpha. Don't embarrass me in front of Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I'm. I'm thoroughly embarrassed.

[Stavros Halkias]

Alfo, I'm embarrassed for you.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is nuts. I mean all this stuff. You have a light.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's true.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have a statue. You have a couch. You got off the side of the street. Yeah, we can use that here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Alpha. Who else? We got it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm popping us in.

[Stavros Halkias]

Papa's in, baby.

[Bobby Kelly]

We can't smoke, right?

[Stavros Halkias]

No. Okay, we'll save it for Thanksgiving.

[Eldis]

Wait, Alpha, I heard a little beep.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you really need to get that. Asian you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh yeah, I know. You're really blowing it.

[Bobby Kelly]

His confidence stinks too. Alpha. Chris, you're stuck in a tv.

[Eldis]

Oh, there he is.

[Stavros Halkias]

Alpho.

[Eldis]

Yeah. Alpha, you there? We can hear you.

[Richie]

Oh, what's up guys?

[Eldis]

Sorry, buddy.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's up, Alpha? What's your. You're on with me and Robert Kelly. What's plaguing you, my friend?

[Bobby Kelly]

Alpha, before you get into your, your trauma, the name. Is this a God given name or is this some nickname that you gave yourself so you can look cool in front of the weird chicks?

[Richie]

It was my call of duty name.

[Bobby Kelly]

There you go. Respect. Mine's. You stink too. When you kill me, it says you killed. You stink too. And you know that you suck too. Alpha.

[Stavros Halkias]

A very defensive name, Bob. That resigns you to failure. It's a name plan around failure.

[Bobby Kelly]

It does.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's going on, Alpho?

[Richie]

So I wanted some advice on how to respond to guys always hitting on my girlfriend.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, interesting.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what you got to do. Ready?

[Stavros Halkias]

Let him, let him give us a little context. You're talking to a guy who definitely would have tried to. Your girlfriend? Yes, in his prime, without question.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll do it now. That way you know her barometer that she'll. Anybody? Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, hit us, babe.

[Richie]

And so I'm 22, I'm white and no shit. And we live in the city together. And whenever we step outside or like go to a bar or something and we hold hands or anything, there's always black guys always glaring at me, giving me a death glare.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh no, we've got a future JD Vance voter being. Being born in real time. We've got a future fucking.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I mean we can straighten out right now. You gotta move. That's not gonna happen at Squam Lake in New Hampshire. Up in holding us to Hampshire is not gonna happen.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, so you're out and about. Anytime a black guy sees you with your black girlfriend, they're like, shorty, what are you doing with him?

[Richie]

They don't say that but like they're. Sometimes we'll be at a bar, and they'll leave her for a second. I'll come back, and they'll be hitting on her. And I don't know what to do or. Like, a dude grabbed her ass in the bar, and I was. I didn't really know what to do.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll tell you what.

[Richie]

Like, we'll be at the grocery store, and I'll leave her for, like, a minute. I'll come back, and there's a 6. 2 guy just, like, flirting with her.

[Stavros Halkias]

She sounds like a bad bitch, to be honest with you. If all it takes is a minute away.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yo, bro, you gotta learn how to rap.

[Stavros Halkias]

Challenge them to a cipher.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I went away for some broccoli. I came back, and you're talking to me. It's not right. Put your hands on my girl's butt. She's not. Slut, you mutt. Get away before I chew you. And that's why I'm gonna use ying chu on you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, wow. You gotta learn the martial art of ying chu.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gotta learn how to rap, man. Eminem don't get like that. You gotta spit, kid. You gotta spit. They respect is the only way they respect you. It's the only way he can respect you.

[Stavros Halkias]

If you.

[Bobby Kelly]

You throw a nice fucking rap battle at him, and then he'll fail, right?

[Stavros Halkias]

He's gonna fail, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Whatever.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yo. And his girlfriend's just looking at him like, when did you become this racist? Your black girlfriend's like, I'm actually gonna go suck this guy off now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, dude, here's the problem. You're dating a black chick, and you're hot. You're. You're a white guy, right? So when you walk back up, listen, dude, you gotta date a white chick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, no, no. Easy. Suburbs, Bob.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what?

[Bobby Kelly]

I messed up. It's a new world out there.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, it's really that. What you're describing is not that new. This has been going on forever.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, dude, this happened once in the Bronx Tale.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's what you do. Get in the car. If she opens the door for you, she's the one. If not, you thr. Like, give it to the black.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right. Watch the Bronx Tale with your girlfriend and just be like, this is how it should be.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, man, you got to respect. Be. Respect the black guy, though. They don't give a. They don't give a.

[Stavros Halkias]

They see.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's your name again?

[Stavros Halkias]

Elo. Elo.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Here's another tip. Don't tell them that. I need you to Learn how to rap. And we're gonna. We're gonna change your name. Like Jake or something.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. So what kind of Alpha. What kind of guy? Tell us a little bit about this relationship. How did you meet? Also, what kind of guy are you? You don't seem to. You don't strike me as a. Maybe an athlete, a ripped guy. What do you got going on? And how did you and your girl meet?

[Richie]

We bet on Bumble.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Richie]

I'm pretty average height. I lift a lot, so.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Richie]

And I play rugby.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, interesting.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you worried about Alpha?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, man, walk the fuck up. Let me tell you something. Hit him in the ankles.

[Stavros Halkias]

So you actually are strong. So this is. You're not physically intimidated. This is just an annoying thing you constantly have to deal with, basically.

[Richie]

And, like, I. I feel, like, insecure when I, like, grab her hand and try and move her away. Or, like, be more aggressive.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Richie]

But then, like, I feel like a. When I do. Don't do anything.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right. Right.

[Richie]

I just don't really know which one to do.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't do it. You got to do the middle, bubba. You do the middle. You got to walk up, like, what's up, man? She's hot, right? Yeah. Too bad you don't got her. And walk away. Walk up. She's smoking hot. Right? I did it. And go. Don't even touch her. Go like this. Come here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Hold out a sugar cube for her. Yeah. I mean, look, here's the thing. This is wildly annoying, but I do think all you can do is not be you. You're right. You feel insecure. Whatever. You just have to act like, okay. Like, oh, hey, how we do. Be like, what's up, man? Like, literally talk to. As if it's just a human being and just. And then just keep it moving. Like, oh, hey, man. I don't know. It's just like, whenever somebody's hitting on your girlfriend, you just. You can't seem intimidated or, like a. Or like you're scared or Training day.

[Bobby Kelly]

You ever see the speech Denzel gives at the end? Give that speech. Be like, king Kong ain't got nothing on me. But don't. Don't give it context. Just do it. And then.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then go, let's go. And then walk away.

[Stavros Halkias]

What? That's good. That's the Rapping the King Kong speech.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's all the true romance speech from Christopher Walken.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I don't know. I would. I wouldn't give the Dennis Hopper. These are. These aren't it? If they were Sicilian, maybe These are black guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, the moors?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, dude. I mean. And how did. I mean. Also, here's the thing. Your girlfriend, this is the world she lives in. I assume guys hit on her constantly, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

She's a lot. Listen, she's allowing it to happen.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, she's not. What are you talking about?

[Bobby Kelly]

If she should be. Listen, let me tell you something. She should be like this. I have a boyfriend. Please leave me alone.

[Stavros Halkias]

And he will beat the man that talks to her.

[Bobby Kelly]

His name is Alpo. What's his name?

[Stavros Halkias]

He plays rugby. Alfo.

[Bobby Kelly]

Alpho. His name is Alpho. And he loves magic and Call of Duty. And let me tell you something. He's coming back from getting broccoli and an asparagus right now. When he comes back, he's gonna be.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, you can't help it, man. You just gotta walk up, take the hit. You should be proud that your cheeks getting hit on, okay? You don't want to be the guy that nobody. There's guys out there that their girls never get hit on. Your girl is so fine that when you take her out, guys are trying to walk up on her. That's a re. That's a. That's a. Like. You got it, dude. You did it. You got a girl that other dudes want and she still wants you. That's cool. That's. That's like. If you rolled up in a nice car and they walk. Dude, this is. You see him checking it out? They're just checking out your nice car. And you're getting in your nice car and driving away and getting a blow job from it.

[Stavros Halkias]

From the car. Dude, you got.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you don't do what I did, date a six. My chick was a six. And thank God she became a seven and a half later in life.

[Stavros Halkias]

As you declined, by the way. Yeah, that's you. You catch them while you're hotter and they're. They're on the way up and you're on the way down.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a. It's my. Let me tell you something, bro. I never. I always dated a hot. A chick with a hot body and a goofy face. You did a hot chick from head to toe. You're gonna wind up with Al. Alphos.

[Stavros Halkias]

Alpha. Alpha problems.

[Bobby Kelly]

You'll wind up with alpha problems. You get a chick with a goofy, like. Looks like David Letterman, but she takes that shirt off, she's smoking hot. Sure, there you go, dude. But you're gonna date a hot chick, you're gonna have to deal with it. And it's just a sign of respect. So if you. If you don't. If you don't.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, these guys really respect you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Alpha, listen, dude, you gotta get a Honda. If you don't want.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean. Yeah, dude. So what is Do. Have you talked about this at all with her? Or, like, what's the. What are the vibes? Like, is this all in your head? Does she not really give a.

[Richie]

Well, she said that. She said what I do usually is fine. She said that she'd like me to say something or she'd like me to say if. She said, if you fight them, I'll give you a blow job.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, wow, you're toast.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you're done.

[Richie]

Everything fine, though. But, like, if you wanted to fight, then I would be happy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let me, let me. Okay, dude, here's the other thing. You're 22, right? Let's just take a bird's eye view from your older pals, Stav and Bobby here.

[Bobby Kelly]

This.

[Stavros Halkias]

You'll remember this fondly as the four months you got to fuck a hot black girl.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is not ending good. You're not a fighter and you shouldn't have to be. And by the way, if this was your some. It's some people's personality, right? Right. Like, you know, some people are more confrontational. You clearly don't want to go through this. All you can do. This is good for you because life teaches you what kind of person you are. You're not this kind of guy. And by the way, fighting over anything petty like, this is not good for you in the long run. Behave the way you're going to behave. If it becomes an issue, you should look at it like, hey, it's fucking insane. You want me to fight these guys and you're the one with the problem, not me. You know what I mean? You don't have an issue here. You're just a young guy who's gotten a nice. A nice A plus piece of trim here, and you're holding on with deer for dear life. And sometimes in every movie when the. When the guy's holding onto the mountain and they get saved at the end, most of the time their hands get fucking tired and they fall down. And eventually that probably will happen. This relationship, I hate to break it to you, you. But just be true to yourself. Don't do anything you don't. You don't want to do. And, you know, maybe you get in a fight and you're like, you know what? That wasn't worth it. This is just you learning.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't Get. Listen to me. Nobody wants to get a blowjob with a bloody nose.

[Stavros Halkias]

How good's the head?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not that good.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know. Listen, dude, but this kid's not.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, like he said, someday when you're with your. And if I was white wife with.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, you can have any race wife you want, buddy. We're not.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come on.

[Stavros Halkias]

We're not dead telling you what race your wife.

[Bobby Kelly]

Chick with a flat ass.

[Stavros Halkias]

Listen, it does. That's not. It's a personality issue. It's not a race problem.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're walking up with little Kim and you're bitching.

[Stavros Halkias]

Little Kim. Enjoy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Enjoy what's going down.

[Stavros Halkias]

This guy hasn't lived in New York, in New York city limits in 12 years. You can tell by the little Kim reference.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, bro, enjoy it. I'm saying. Enjoy it. You're with that other dudes want.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I kind of agree with you.

[Bobby Kelly]

You got it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Enjoy it. It's gonna. Look, statistically, the ride's gonna end. When I was 22, I wouldn't know how to deal with this either. I probably wouldn't now. I would just be kind of a. I might get my ass kicked by shooting off at the mouth if somebody was behaving like this towards my. Somebody I was dating. But I wouldn't fight anyone either.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't fight somebody over you. You. My therapist said this me once. Save your rage for your wife and your kid.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stop giving it to people that don't deserve it.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a very. I mean, do you want to give us some context on that?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna murder a guy at a traffic light. But if a guy can.

[Stavros Halkias]

My therapist, the guy who sold you an unregistered gun.

[Bobby Kelly]

If a guy's gonna come up to my wife. Wife and kid and threaten them, that's when you release the superhero power.

[Stavros Halkias]

When protecting your family when you need it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not on some girl that you're dating right now. And you. The first of all, you don't love her because you're holding hands. You know what I mean?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

When you're in love, he's young, you're in secret, separate parts of the store.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's young, he's dealing with some like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

You.

[Stavros Halkias]

You also at your age, are learning the types of people you're compatible with. You know what I mean? And it's like. Like you. You know, you just got to ride this out, little buddy. And by the way, it's. It ain't a bad Problem to have. Like, Bobby says, no, you're with somebody that hot, hopefully you. This doesn't cause you too much stress, but, you know, you can't really be someone you're not. You know what I mean? We're not going to sit here and tell you to be more aggro when you don't have that. And like Bobby says, save any kind of anger. Not for somebody like. I mean, look, grabbing a girl's ass, that's different. Maybe you could have gotten a little aggressive there. Obviously, that's assault Salt. But if someone's just talking or I'm gonna assault. Idiot. Grab somebody's ass against their will. Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, come on.

[Stavros Halkias]

Jesus Christ.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was called a move. What a life you guys have to live in. You ever seen the movie Porkies? I mean, come on.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, we have. It's actually not. It's not about as much as you think. It's about some weird bar.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's about assault.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I mean, it's all about. There's a lot of rape happening.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's a lot of rape happening in all those places.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

But look at, man, somebody grabbed your girl's ass. That's messed up. But what are you gonna do? You're gonna. You're gonna go to jail over some piece of. And she should have been like, yo, get off me. And you should have been like, let's go. Let's get the out of. And if he followed you, yeah, maybe you take care of it. But it ain't worth going to jail or hurting a dude or getting hurt. Well, here's the. This is what I always think, okay, I'm gonna hit this guy. He's gonna knock me the out, and my.

[Stavros Halkias]

My girl's gonna get my trunk. Yep. So, look, man, it doesn't really sound like we've helped you that much, but, you know, we're just kind of giving you context for what you're dealing with here and, you know, just. Just be. Be true to yourself. Stay. Honestly, stay. You might. Do you have problems standing up for yourself in general?

[Richie]

I'm working on it a lot.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, see, that's the thing.

[Richie]

Like, I painted her in a bad light.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's.

[Richie]

She's really cool most of the time. If I never fought anyone, I feel like she'd be cool with that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. But if you do fight something, she'll blow you.

[Stavros Halkias]

She also might have been joking. Who knows? You know, these are. They're also both young, and she's. She's probably trying to make the best of a Weird situation. Also she.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me ask you a question. This might. I don't want this to come off wrong.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what? Let's not ask that question. Let's. You know what, buddy? We're just gonna go ahead and not ask that one. Whatever. If you're even thinking it's an issue, we. We're gonna go ahead and skip it. And we're just, we're just going to tell you. And we're just going to tell you to work on your. Just that I think, you know, we've already spent too much time on this question in particular, so we're just going to move on. All right.

[Richie]

Thank you.

[Stavros Halkias]

No. All right, so listen bud, this just a final thought here. Standing up for yourself is something you need to work on. This might be. This might not be a bad thing to keep in the back of your mind, like, hey, if at some point I need to really stand up for me and my girl, will I be there? Will I be ready to do that? And this is just something for the rest of your life, right? You're 22. I remember being 22, letting people walk all over me. Just work on it, keep working on it. Be, you know, have like little goals. Maybe go to therapy. That was one of the first things I went to therapy for, was just kind of like, I'm serious, I'm just.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just. I just pictured his first day of therapy. What's your problem? All right, man, These guys keep grabbing my chick's ass and she said she blow me if I fight them.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm trying to get head doctor, but yeah, keep, keep working at it, brother. And you know, you're at a. You're at a point in your life where it's good that you know what you want to work on already. You know what I mean? And keep working on it and someday.

[Bobby Kelly]

Enjoy it now cuz someday they're not going to want to grab her ass. She's just going to be a regular wife.

[Stavros Halkias]

Ah, what a tragedy that'll be Ye. What else we got elders. Who else we got online? Good luck, Alpho. We love you, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank you, Alpho. Yeah, bye buddy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cute kid.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, nice guy.

[Eldis]

Richie, you there? Richie? You're on mute, my friend.

[Stavros Halkias]

Richie, you little prick.

[Shelly]

Hello. Hello.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's up dude? How you doing?

[Shelly]

Oh wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're on with. With me Eldest and Bobby Kelly. How can we help you?

[Shelly]

Legends, legends. I'm all the way down here in Costa Rica.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hi Coast.

[Shelly]

Maybe you can come to one day.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'd love to, man. Eldest, you've been to Costa Rica, haven't you?

[Eldis]

Yeah, I just went. When did I go? Last year.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you had a great time.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did a Costa Rican girl once, man, we'll talk about. They. They don't. They. They are jealous. They'll fight you, you know. Yeah, they'll fight. Opposite of what this guy just had to. I mean she was one of the toughest girls I've ever. But a passionate.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course.

[Bobby Kelly]

Passionate.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know you love passion.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love passion. That's where I got it from. Costa Rican girl.

[Stavros Halkias]

You caught it. What's going on, Richie?

[Shelly]

Sounds award, right? Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. So what's plaguing you, my friend?

[Shelly]

I have a little bit of a. Of a problem here. That's considering some of the things that I've heard here, you know, is maybe it's not that serious, but. Sure, it's been, you know, bothering me. So you see, I know you're gonna call me a pussy because of this. I'm a complete teetotaler, you know.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're a teetotall. No, that's all right. I'm so. You're talking to. Bobby's been sober for years. I've been. I'm sober for the last eight months. We're happy for it. That's good. Teetotaler. Nice.

[Shelly]

Great.

[Bobby Kelly]

Great.

[Shelly]

Yeah, I. I never. I have never drunk alcohol. I. I don't want to smell it. I don't want to be near it, you know, it's kind of like a conviction thing. Most people to childhood. Childhood trauma, you know. My dad was an alcoholic. He wasn't like. He wasn't mean or violent. He was more like pathetic, you know?

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, right. Just a drunk.

[Shelly]

Just a drunk.

[Stavros Halkias]

Lump.

[Shelly]

Yeah, the. The. The present kind of drunk, you know?

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, right, right.

[Shelly]

They were the kind of drunk that. That doesn't beat you, but embarrass you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. Yes. A loser.

[Shelly]

Yeah, pretty much.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

His accent is awesome.

[Stavros Halkias]

It is.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is Dan. Soda.

[Stavros Halkias]

So you. So you. You don't want to get drunk. Your dad was an alcoholic. So what's going on now?

[Shelly]

Yeah, so. Yeah, the thing is. Well, I've been dating this girl for the last four years, more or less. The girl is great. I love her. Pretty sure she loves me, I think.

[Stavros Halkias]

Pretty sure. Tough.

[Shelly]

And. And she knew this about me from the very beginning, you know, that the.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Shelly]

The whole titling thing. And she's been cool with that, you know, all this time, you know, she didn't drink either, but was more for a matter of taste for her. And. But recently, for about the past two months, more or less, she decided that now she wants to get drunk. You know, she. Every weekend she goes out with her co workers, you know, partying. And the last couple of times she has come hammered to her house. You know, she lives with her mother still and her mother is very religious and she started giving her about it, you know, interesting. And, and she comes, yeah, stumbling like three, four in the morning. And now she's asking me if she can crash with me in my apartment, you know, and, and that kind of freaked me out, you know, because part of my, My trauma is that I don't want to see a loved one, you know, coming reeking and stumbling and, and, you know, puking and making a scene, you know, at the very hours of the morning, you know, it's kind of like my worst night time.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Shelly]

So, yeah, I told her. I told her no, I, I can. I. I simply cannot. Cannot deal with that. And she started going off on me. You know, that game is that I should get over it and that damn. That I overreacting and pretty much telling me I'm a.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Shelly]

Kind of like a. Because of that. Yeah, because of that. So now has become a great big issue, you know, and she doesn't, she doesn't. Hasn't talked to me for the last couple of days because of that. And, And I'm very conflicted already because from on one hand, yeah, I'm thinking maybe I should get over it, you know, because sure, it's not like something that's gonna happen every day or every week. And maybe, yeah, I'm overreacting. Maybe I'm just not dealing well with my trauma or something. But in the other hand, I'm thinking, well, this is my house, this is my apartment. I should be able to, you know, set my own rules in here, right?

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Shelly]

But. But in the other hand, I'm. But this is a girl that I actually thinking about marrying, you know, and I don't know how much. How big of a problem this is going to be later on. So, so, okay, I kind of. I kind of, you know, I have my money in a, in a, in a pretzel because of all this.

[Stavros Halkias]

You. So how old you say you guys been dating? Four years. And how old are you, buddy? And how old is she?

[Shelly]

I'm. I'm 34. She's 33.

[Stavros Halkias]

Gotcha. Yeah.

[Shelly]

And you can laugh about it too. I. I lost my vi to this girl.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's all right, man. You gotta relax. You gotta stop beating Yourself up, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's his name?

[Shelly]

Yeah, that's okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Richie. Richie, let me ask you a question. In your country, is it legal to hit women?

[Stavros Halkias]

You don't have to answer that, Richie. I'm your lawyer. Richie. Don't answer. Objection, your honor.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me rephrase. Is it legal to make them flinch? No, listen, buddy. Richie.

[Shelly]

I think so.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Problem solved. Listen, here's the thing, buddy. You are you. You have to find somebody that is in, in your atmosphere. If this girl's coming back to your place all messed up. Yeah. You had sex with her for the first time. She's the one that you, you know. Oh, my. This is the one. She's not the one. She ain't. She's not the one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Not necessarily. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you say to somebody, I don't want you to do that here, and they're like, you're a pussy or you're. Why would you not change? For me, it's like, no, no, no, no, no. I'm asking you to do something. I'm saying you make me uncomfortable. I have these other issues. And when you do this, it messes me up. You can do what you want over there, but when you come here, I can't have that. And she's not willing to at least acknowledge that she ain't the one, brother. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's an interesting thing because I agree with Bobby. I do think there's something to you. Absolutely. You took a stand. You had a clear boundary. You're like, look, I just don't want. Want somebody coming back that drunk. My. I have a couple questions, which is like you said, this is kind of like new behavior for her. You know, neither of you is that young. Like, are you worried about that kind of like going out and getting up? Because like, starting to do that in your 30s is kind of weird. And it's like, are you worried that you know. And you even said, I think she loves me. Like, and you clearly have some self esteem issues here, buddy, where you're like, you're going to call me up. You're worried. I can hear it in your voice. Just about being judged and being embarrassed. Embarrassed. And so I guess I'm wondering, like, are you really getting what you want out of this relationship? Are you just kind of going along with it because. Are you going along with it because it's what you've always known. Do you. Does she treat you well? You know what I mean? Because like you said, you don't even know if she. You love her. You don't even know if she loves you. That's one question I have. The other thing I will say is that it's not entirely unreasonable for someone to say to you, like, hey, I know you have this thing with drinking. I know you never want to drink, but if we're going to have a life together, there's going to be nights I drink a little bit. You know what I mean? And it's like. And there might be some element of you needing to tackle your trauma a little bit. Right? Like, you might want to work on that a little bit. You know what I'm saying? But it doesn't sound like she was being reasonable and trying to communicate with you. It kind of sounds like this was a pretty emotional fight. And it also sounds like she was just. Just wanting to use your apartment as a place to crash when she's up. You know what I mean? So it's like, what. What's the. How is. Tell us what you feel about this relationship, because I'm a little confused about how close you're talking about marriage. But to me, I don't know. I'm not. I'm getting. I don't really understand what's going on here fully. You guys have been basically monogamous and dating, you know, seriously, for a couple years now.

[Shelly]

Yeah, for about four years.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, four years.

[Shelly]

And yeah, this is a pretty much.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Shelly]

A new and developed for the first time. Yeah. Well, she started working in this place, you know. Well, I don't know if you can say the name is like chain restaurant.

[Stavros Halkias]

God. Oh, that's a big problem. For real. Applebee's restaurant. Restaurant workers get up together and they all each other.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, well, that hurts.

[Stavros Halkias]

That happens.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, that really sent them down.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, you. It happens. I'm serious.

[Bobby Kelly]

It does happen.

[Stavros Halkias]

You worked at a restaurant in your youth.

[Bobby Kelly]

I them all.

[Stavros Halkias]

And you a bunch of waitresses, even.

[Bobby Kelly]

The fat Italian one. Remember I was eating a. And I had gum in the back and then a piece of toilet paper with my mouth, and I spit the gum out and swallowed the toilet paper. So it does happen.

[Stavros Halkias]

But I, I, you know, we hate to. Huh?

[Shelly]

Sorry, sorry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go ahead.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, I mean, I hate to put that in your mind, but I also will say, like, like it's something that I just want you to really think about what you want out of this relationship. And if are you getting it. You know what I mean?

[Bobby Kelly]

When you put a boundary down, Richie, when you listen like anybody, and I learned this a long time ago, you put a boundary down with somebody, you're helping them Right. Because if, if you put a boundary down with her and say, look, I. I understand you drink. I just don't want you coming here all messed up and puking in my apartment. Apartment. I don't want you that drunk. That's just the way it is. And if you can't, if you can't accept that, I don't know what to tell you. I'm not gonna let you over here. She wants that. She wants somebody to put about. She needs that. So when you say that, and that's the way it is. It's like when you have a kid. If I don't give my kid boundaries, they're just going to do whatever the they want. But once you put that boundary down, they might. He's not gonna appreciate that boundary now. Now. But later in life, when he knows how to say please and thank you, hold the door, you know, pick up his mess, these little things because he had a bounty. He got in trouble because he didn't do it, or there was a consequence, he's going to accept later in life, be like, thank God my parents did. Gave a. About me. And later in life with her, she might go, thank God the guy I love gave me a boundary back then that I had to make a choice.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. And if she. She might be like, well, you and leave, but she's going to go back and think about that and go, you know what? I miss him. I love him. I want to be with him. He's right. I was wrong. I was going to his house all messed up, and he asked me not to do that. And she might change and you might be helping her with that. You understand? So by taking care of yourself first in any relationship, by taking care of yourself first, you're actually sometimes helping that other person down the road take care of themselves and better themselves, you understand? Or hit her.

[Shelly]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, or hit her.

[Stavros Halkias]

He doesn't have it, you know, I think about it.

[Shelly]

Yeah, that's the, that's kind of the issue. You know, I really don't mind if she wants to drink, you know, if, if it's on her own time and I don't want to see it. Right. But my main issue is that the whole idea of watching her, you know, coming to my house like that, and that's what I, you know, put my foot on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, put your foot down, dude.

[Shelly]

As for, as for the relationship. Relationship itself. Yeah, I as, As I said, it's been pretty good, you know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. If you do, if Richie, if you.

[Shelly]

Don'T, until that's better reason.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you don't take care of yourself in a relationship and you give stuff that you don't want to give, you're going to build resentment.

[Stavros Halkias]

True.

[Bobby Kelly]

And resentment will stay with you. And it's all going to come out down the road. It's just going to build and build and build. If you put these boundaries down now, right, you're going to work, you're going to fix them together. And people respect that. A girl doesn't want. Women don't want guys who are weak with no boundaries. They don't want that. They want a guy who has their own. Their thing that they do. They want that she, anybody wants that, you know? Know. Look, I don't drink. I haven't drank in 38 years. My wife used to smoke pot and drink. I didn't care. But if she got out of hand, I remember one time we're down the cellar and she was just yapping when she drinks and I was like, listen, man, when you're around my friends, I don't want you getting trash.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're embarrassing me.

[Bobby Kelly]

You.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then, you know, he throws a glass at her head, she ducks. They've been practicing that. And it's fun.

[Bobby Kelly]

Were you there? I didn't throw it in her head. I threw it at the wall.

[Stavros Halkias]

But yeah, brother, I mean, look, go ahead.

[Shelly]

I'm thinking maybe that's, that's kind of the issue. You know, this is like the first time I actually told her no to something.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right? See, that's four years. Yeah, that's an issue. And by the way, dude, if she can't deal with that, that's an issue. You gotta say no.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you gotta say no. Yeah, you gotta say no. Relationship where you say some things, it ain't a healthy relationship.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, dude, you can't just, you know, it's good that you stood up for yourself for once, but you gotta, you gotta be able to do this a little more. And unfortunately, if this relationship, if the first time you ever set a boundary, she freaks the out. That's a bad sign for this. You're talking about this being somebody you want to marry. That's not a good sign.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gotta. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. How hot is she?

[Shelly]

She's like Costa Rican saving.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is she like Jlo hot?

[Shelly]

No.

[Stavros Halkias]

No. Yeah, dude. So you got to think about this, bro. Sorry to drop a lot of heavy on you, but I think you really do need to think about, think about the long term viability of this relationship. Because if the first time you stand up for yourself and set a boundary. She freaks out. That's a bad sign. That. That she might. She might like you, but what she might really like is the fact that you do whatever the she wants. You know what I mean?

[Bobby Kelly]

And that's not. Yeah, that ain't gonna end well.

[Stavros Halkias]

So give it a thought, buddy. Let us know how it goes. And good luck. Keep us updated. All right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hasta mana.

[Shelly]

Yeah. One last thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Shelly]

How did it fail when Costa Rica with Greece in 2014?

[Stavros Halkias]

What's that?

[Shelly]

How did it fail when Costa Rica hit Greece in the World Cup?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you know what?

[Bobby Kelly]

You.

[Stavros Halkias]

Richie, get the. Off my line. He was talking about when Costa Rica beat us in the World Cup.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah, You.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm glad. This is probably getting by her co workers at Ben against Costa Rica.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, look at you. Look at you. Look at you. Look at you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Get him off my fucking line, Elvis.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm so mad right now. I ordered a croissant and it's savory, not sweet. And I took a bite and it was. Oh, my mouth is all messed up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let me take a little.

[Bobby Kelly]

Take a bite. It's a little. I think it's cheesy spinach.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who do we got? Eldest? Who do we got next?

[Eldis]

Randy, Andy. 4, 2069.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's good because you knew it was safe. I told you that was a sweet.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're right.

[Bobby Kelly]

I go, yeah, right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Randy. What's up, bro?

[Ethan Suplee]

Not much. How you guys doing? Thanks.

[Stavros Halkias]

Good, man. You're on with me, Eldest and Bobby. How can we help you?

[Ethan Suplee]

Oh, boy. Well, I recently got engaged to my girlfriend to four years.

[Stavros Halkias]

Congratulations.

[Bobby Kelly]

How'd you do it?

[Ethan Suplee]

Thank you. We just. We just did it, you know, nothing formal.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nice.

[Ethan Suplee]

Just had a conversation. We're very happy and we're very excited to get married, but our problem is that her sister is convinced that I'm gay. And no matter what my fiance tells her, she won't drop it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, what are you. What are you doing to make that. Are you having tea parties?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Ethan Suplee]

Well, that's a. That's a good question. There's a few things.

[Bobby Kelly]

I knew it. Or.

[Ethan Suplee]

I'm not blowing anyone. I'm not doing any gay.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Ethan Suplee]

Like that. But before we were even official, like, maybe a couple weeks into dating her sister, sister found and, like, fully stalked my Instagram before my fiance even found me online.

[Bobby Kelly]

A lot of pictures of you with your hands on your hips.

[Ethan Suplee]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Well, she found some photos of me, like, celebrating pride with, you know, some rainbows and some tutus and But I'm sorry, my community, okay, that's pretty normal even for straight guys. Because it's Mormon here and not where I'm from.

[Stavros Halkias]

You.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. It's 100% normal.

[Stavros Halkias]

Bobby likes to celebrate. B likes to prove he's an ally behind closed doors, not in front of the community.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do it the American way. I get pegged behind closed doors. And I suck dick behind clothes like men.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, fully straight guy wearing rainbows but never sucked a trans woman's dick in the 90s.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're out. You could do you support them in the open? How dare you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, so she basically just saw some pictures of you at a pride and you said it's a Mormon community. So basically it's like you're either Mormon or you're like, you know, it's kind of bifurcated where you're either like very traditional or you're like very like super supportive.

[Bobby Kelly]

A lot of Mormons are gay, though.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's true.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean there's a lot. I mean the gay, there's a big.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cuz they and freaks when they leave. There's a lot of freaky Mormons. A lot.

[Bobby Kelly]

A lot of gay Mormons, man.

[Ethan Suplee]

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And those are, those are a lot of my friends and you know, part of the reason why, part of the people I like to celebrate with and go have a good time.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. See what happens. Kind of get drunk too good at the time. Yeah, well, who knows?

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, this sounds gay to me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sounds kind of. Yeah. So anyway, so far we're on her side.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, so far. So far you picked points.

[Ethan Suplee]

Won't really help my position. But she also, let's see, she also. I also went to Japan with one of my friends who's gay. Just the two of us. So, you know, that was a red flag to her.

[Stavros Halkias]

She also.

[Bobby Kelly]

A red.

[Ethan Suplee]

What's up?

[Bobby Kelly]

A red what?

[Stavros Halkias]

The red flag. Don't worry, buddy, we got flag. Okay, go ahead. Sorry, Bo. Bobby's hard of hearing.

[Bobby Kelly]

I thought that was a high level gay guy. There's, you know, purple.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, purple.

[Bobby Kelly]

The blue and then there's red flag.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, go ahead. So you, you went to Japan with a gay guy. But that's fine. We're still on board. What else? Yeah, what's the third piece?

[Bobby Kelly]

I wish I was on board.

[Ethan Suplee]

And they have like, speaking of, you know, Mormon family, she has like a former uncle who back in the 70s or whatever. Like the closeted gay man who married their aunt and then cheated on her. And so they've got kind of some family trauma around it from that, but, you know, closeted Mormon gay guy in the 70s.

[Stavros Halkias]

What else is this?

[Ethan Suplee]

It was really, really hard for them. So. So anyway, all this is to say she. When my fiance was telling her how excited we were to get married, she used that as her opportunity to be like, yeah, but are you sure he's not.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome.

[Ethan Suplee]

And did you sing it like that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you sure he's not gay? It's a rainy day.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. She's like, what the him? And then they. Look, you're doing choreography in the other room.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think you should solve this.

[Stavros Halkias]

I have a solution. Yeah. Okay. I actually have a great solution here. Ready?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You invite. You invite her over, right? So here's what you're gonna need. You're gonna need an iPad and you're gonna need a buzz saw. Right? And you're gonna need a buzzsaw very close to your soft dick, right? And then you're gonna want. You're gonna put gay porn on an iPhone.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do not do this. You won't be able to win this one.

[Stavros Halkias]

And you're gonna say, look, I'm sure. Here's how straight I am. I'll prove it to you. You start watching gay porn. If my dick gets hard, it'll get cut by the buzzsaw.

[Bobby Kelly]

It'll live, fly across the room and hit a painting of Jesus.

[Stavros Halkias]

Slides down the glass. You're like, oh, listen. Well, they're sucking it like they really want to. He's realizing in that moment he's gay. So, yeah, that's my solution.

[Ethan Suplee]

Dude anymore.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, listen, dude, who care? Listen. Who cares?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, this was a fun call. Thank you. It allowed us to call you gay and come and come up with that little riff about the getting chopped off. But this doesn't matter. This lady's a dumb bitch. Welcome to the world of having dumb bitch in laws. Yeah, it's going to be. That's.

[Bobby Kelly]

I guarantee. She had something in her life. Somebody.

[Stavros Halkias]

She was like some unrequited love at theater camp.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. She got finger blasted by some sassy dude. And this is her fucking own bullshit. She's putting on her sister and you. Because you are, you know, you're not the. Hey, what's up? I'm marrying. You're a little more, you know, softer.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're a little more, you know, just a regular dude. And. And she's probably.

[Ethan Suplee]

Yeah, since then. Since then, she's kind of. She's kind of dropped it. My fiance Was like, hey, you need to drop this. Yeah, since then, she's kind of dropped it. But don't drop the soap wondering if I let sleeping dogs lie or if we confront her. No, she has a chance to start spreading rumors.

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't.

[Ethan Suplee]

Because that'll just come across as defensive.

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't confront her. That's weird. Like, he is not. And by the way, I know I said it last week, but we've been thinking about it, and he's even less gay now than we was the first time. You know what's interesting about this, though? Now you know you can't ever do anything gay. Or. She's right. So now that temptation is going to be hanging over you. It might make you gay just to be like, oh, but I can't ever.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do gay next time.

[Stavros Halkias]

But I wonder.

[Bobby Kelly]

Take a photo with him naked and go on his Instagram and then do a collab.

[Stavros Halkias]

So, yeah, man, good luck.

[Ethan Suplee]

My. That's exactly what my friend told me when I told him about this. He's like, well, you got to stop standing like that because I was standing with my little hip hop.

[Bobby Kelly]

I knew. I knew you were a.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're a. You. You. You put your thumb in your little baby pocket.

[Ethan Suplee]

I dick down her sister.

[Stavros Halkias]

So there you go. Keep digging her down. Take some posture classes, and you'll be good to go, brother.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he. She has to lie on her stomach and present.

[Stavros Halkias]

But don't shave your.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's the thing, dude. I hate that at this time. Look at the definition of gay, everybody. I know guys who are the biggest alpha that have done really gay, really gay. Sex is sex.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're all saved in your phone under dominoes. Why is Domino. Who keeps calling us honey? I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, the people.

[Stavros Halkias]

Eric, I told you, it's over. We had a beautiful time in New Hampshire, but that's. That's a mistake.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll see you in November. We're coming up to the tiny house for Thanksgiving. I'll meet you in the woods.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, buddy. Good luck out there.

[Ethan Suplee]

Thanks.

[Eldis]

Good luck, Randy. Bye.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who else we got? Elvis.

[Bobby Kelly]

What the f. What an. This lady is.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, you. That's. First of all, you say that out loud now, you have nothing to whisper behind your backs.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, a family needs those secret little rumors to keep it alive.

[Bobby Kelly]

It is weird, though, because when you go by back in the day, there was, you know, there was definitely. These guys are straight. That's gay, right? Just tonally. And if you listen to him tonally, as soon as he comes on, you're like, oh, this guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's on the line.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's on the line. Yeah, he's on the line. You know, hey, you know, he's very. So. But that type of guy right now, dude, that's the manliest of men right now.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are him.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You think about when I grew up, right? Frank Sinatra, Elvis, you know, John Wayne were the men. Now it's Elon Musk of the billionaires. You know, Zuckerberg is an alpha, but I'm saying, dude, these guys are the.

[Stavros Halkias]

Zuckerberg and Elon Musk.

[Bobby Kelly]

Zuckerberg is a billionaire, and he's a black belt in jiu jitsu.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And these are the mother.

[Stavros Halkias]

No one looks at him like. That's the archetype.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who do they look at? They don't look at guys like men. Men anymore. Those guys are kind of cheesy.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, I guess you're right. Even in. In culture, like, yeah, movie stars, it's like. It is kind of like Timothy Chalamet heroes we don't really have. They're kind of disposable now. They're not superstars the way. Like, Stallone and I'm good, but thank you. I thought about it. It is pretty good the way Stallone is Schwarzenegger. And that's. That's an interesting thing. I also think we're at a time where less people have to. It's not weird to even act gay anymore, so you don't have to hide it. So, like, now even straight guys that kind of. That would have gotten like. Even straight guys that kind of acted a little gay would get that out. Beaten out of them in middle school. And now it's like, well, I know straight guys that. I have some very dear friends that are straight men that talk insanely gay. Joe List. Who else? We got Big Eldo.

[Eldis]

Let's go to a kind of update from a guy we talked to last week on Kush Bros.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Eldis]

Who called in and said he had. He slept with one of his teachers.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, we have a. Oh, yes, Here we go. Goes.

[Eldis]

Jay, you're on. And Jay. Jay, before you start, just don't say her name.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, okay.

[H]

I didn't think y'all would give a. I mean, she was on Dr. Phil. People will find her name.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, well, whatever. Yeah, we don't give a. Eldest, but how are you? So, Jay and Bobby, you're on with me. Bobby and Eldest And, Bobby, just to catch you up, we recently heard a voicemail from Jay, who said it was cool to get from a teacher, but it did sort of ruin his life. So do you want to expound on that a little bit, Jay?

[H]

I mean, you just don't expect everyone in town to know who you are.

[Stavros Halkias]

True. As a kid.

[Bobby Kelly]

Carry you around.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

High five you every time. Get freak.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're tired of getting free beers. You're tired of getting nicknames in a.

[Bobby Kelly]

Cool. That's exhausting.

[Stavros Halkias]

No. So you just become like. You become like the weirdest type of celebrity where it's like, it doesn't act. I'm guessing you didn't get. Actually, that's a good question. How much free. How much, if any, free did you get for your teacher?

[H]

Not at all. I think one lady me because she thought I must have good dicks, so she was disappointed.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Wow. No one bought you a beer. Like, dude, if I see that guy 17, I couldn't go, oh, you were seven.

[Bobby Kelly]

You get free condoms at CVS when you walked in.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nobody bought you a slushie. A. No One took you to Sonic and gave you a couple hot dogs or something. Wow, that's a shame. And then did you stay in town or did you. Was it too much to stay there? Did you move to get a fresh start? Start?

[H]

So when her Dr. Phil episode aired, I got a DUI that day.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, no.

[H]

I was going down the rails anyway, so my parents were like, all right, this send them to rehab an hour and a half away to a big city to go to rehab and then just lived in that big city.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay. And how you doing? Oh, my God. So now be honest with us. We're your friends here. The dui, was that. That fallout from that, or were you just kind of a animal? You probably would have gotten a DUI even if you hadn't been, you know, made famous as a guy who. His teacher.

[H]

No, I think it was fallout from that because I started drinking heavily. I. I couldn't tell anyone that this was happening. Otherwise we would get caught and it would stop. I was drinking like crazy throughout the whole thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why? Let me ask you a question. You know, I love. Hi, buddy. Your teacher is pretty much. Much like the dream. It's like the dream, but you're saying the dream is not a dream. It's actually. It's. It's up. Confusing and it. It messed things up.

[Stavros Halkias]

So you're saying getting raped isn't cool? Getting raped in a way that seems cool is actually bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, there's levels of rape just like this, apparently. Levels of gay guys. This blue flag.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. No, no. That's actually. You said that. No one but you has said that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you for saying red flag.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I'm saying like, yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's what we're trying to raise awareness because we've all made the. We've on this podcast multiple times made jokes about. Because we do a monthly episode where we smoke weed and do news stories and every once in a while this will come up a situation like this. So we wanted to have an actual Just, you know, do basically report on the fact that this actually is fucked up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That we shouldn't want this. These women are criminals.

[H]

Not everybody ends up like Adam Sandler's character. And that's my boy. Some of us who joined the I fucked a teacher club are just losers.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right. Well, let me ask you this. Is there like a Facebook group? Do you ever hang out with any other guys that fuck their teachers?

[H]

I've thought about it, but what would you even name that group? Guys who are cooler than you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Guys who were cool when they were. Guys who peaked at 16 in secret.

[Bobby Kelly]

The luckiest guys in the world.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, Bobby. That's what we're trying to dispel.

[Bobby Kelly]

Straight A students, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Actually that's kind of funny. We should try the. The honor roll.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

We should try and get that support. Support group going. You know, it sounds crazy, but there's literally like a. Only a few guys on earth that literally went through what you went through. And I legitimately wonder if it would be helpful for you to talk to them most. Some of them might.

[H]

That kid, that Mary Kay Laterno. Like everyone knows who he is, but I don't know how to get in touch with him.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right. Didn't they. Wait, did they get married though or. No, that was the other.

[H]

What's weird is this teacher, her and I talked about that case.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. During.

[Eldis]

I think they did get married. They had kids together too.

[Bobby Kelly]

During sex. Talk about it.

[H]

Married and having two kids.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? Can I just ask a question because what part of it. So you're in school, the teach. Was she good looking?

[Stavros Halkias]

What's weird? Is she.

[H]

Everyone else thought she was good looking. But this whole thing kind of scarred me from women who look like that. So I now don't think she's attractive.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I don't have sex with girls that look like my sister. I know what you saying. Listen, thank you for laughing because it made me uncomfortable that no one else.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, sorry. I was looking at elder.

[Bobby Kelly]

When you say a racist joke and nobody laughs, you're Racist. When you say a molestation joke with your sister. You just got molested by your sister, apparently in the room. Wow. Anyways.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's. What. That's. That would actually. Talking of. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, listen, bro, I'm gonna say this.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, no.

[Bobby Kelly]

Up. All right.

[Stavros Halkias]

No Bobby, no. Thank you. But listen. So how are you doing now is the important thing. Sorry. Elvis pulled her up. And Bobby's horny.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, that's my speed right there.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm doing okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is she single? Is there summer courses?

[H]

Who makes tarps?

[Stavros Halkias]

Say it again.

[H]

I'm just a regular guy in a Midwest town who makes tarps. There's nothing special about my life now. I'm okay with it. I mean, sometimes I have manic episodes and I get PTSD flashbacks because of it all, but whatever.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just.

[H]

Mostly I'm normal.

[Bobby Kelly]

I understand this better now because I have a kid. I don't want my kid sexually. Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I grew up in a bad time.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

With. Nobody taught you about sex. You learn sex from other kids and other. You know, it was terrible. And my. My sex life has been messed up for it, you know, for sure. And now that I have a kid, you know, like, you know, look, he's 11. He's. He's. He's good. You know, all kinds of stuff happening right now. And I had to say to him, you know, one of his other friends showed him pornhub, and I got it on his phone. And the. The progression of it now is so bad. It just goes one thing to, you know, just. Yeah, terrible. And I said, listen, I'm taking all this off your phone. You can't have it. If you be. I understand, you know, set masturbation or getting horny is part of biology. I'm not going to control that. And I don't want you to think your penis is bad or sex is bad. It's not. So I went to his. I gave him YouTube. So he watches girls on the back of motorcycles with their butts jiggling. And I was like, that is a good. That's a good progression.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's going to want to motorcycles. You're going to make this kid put his in the tailpipe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Day was like, can we go to the Indian motorcycle? I swear to God, I was like, this is weird. We're walking around. Can you sit on the back of this bike? I'm gonna. I'm gonna hold you. I'm gonna put my fingers in your belly button. Yeah, but it. What. You know, look, when I grew up, this. If this call comes in off, of course you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I mean, it's a more nuanced time. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

If she was broom Hilda, you know, she was, you know, Ms. Math Teacher, Ms. Black.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'd understand the trauma. You know what I mean? Bobby, you gotta get your division.

[Stavros Halkias]

But the.

[Bobby Kelly]

But she's a smoking hot girl.

[Stavros Halkias]

But still it completely you up. He, he. You know, our friend here is like. Yeah, you still dealing with it. So we just want to once and for all say it's not cool when teachers do this to children.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not cool.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's not cool. And no buts, hang on.

[H]

Thing is, guys, it was. It was really cool.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank you. Thank you. I respect you and I give you a wink.

[H]

Both things are true.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're. I guess you're right. It was cool.

[Bobby Kelly]

Both things can live in the same thing.

[H]

At that time, paparazzi ambushing me in the porn in the strip club parking lot. That me up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. That is a woman.

[H]

That was cool.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow. So that's okay. I'm actually back on. It's not cool. She completely you up, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're talking.

[Stavros Halkias]

Good luck, Elders. Let's send this guy like a gift card to Target or something. What do you need right now, man?

[Bobby Kelly]

How about better help?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, for real.

[Bobby Kelly]

Use code word, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, listen. Use code word, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

It is both things. It is both things. He's right. It's. It's cuz sex is such a messed up thing at that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, what's going on with your. Are you dating anybody? What? Do you have any weird proclivities here?

[Bobby Kelly]

Can you only come if she hit you with a ruler?

[H]

And I have been together like five a half years.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, there you go.

[H]

Kind of. Yeah. Boring. Standard sex life. Can you tell you the stupid one liners I've wrote for comedy? But that's dumb right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can you only between eight and three?

[Stavros Halkias]

Chester, you come every time you hear a bell ring? Oh, dude. All right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you have to raise your hand when you come? Do you have a compass?

[Stavros Halkias]

Sorry, son. This is from last week.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, listen, bro, you're going to be all right. Here's the thing. The good thing about sex and having situations like that is you can. It's not forever, bro. That ain't cement. You can fix that stuff. It ain't. You can move on from that. Learn from that and you'll be able to help somebody else down the road from that. So you, you. You did it. You went through it. You understand it. Now you move on. Listen, my thing is this. If Something's heavy, right? If you're holding a big weight and it's heavy. What. How do you. What do you do to relieve the pain?

[Stavros Halkias]

You let it go.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let it go.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let it go. Let it. Let go.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let it go, buddy. Let it go. Un. Hit your boat from that dock and float away. Stop holding that. Just. Just let it go, dude. Let it go.

[Stavros Halkias]

Seems to be doing good. You're doing all right, buddy. You're making tarps. You're getting. You have.

[Bobby Kelly]

What kind of tarps?

[Stavros Halkias]

You have a nice relationship and your tarps. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

What. What kind of tarps?

[H]

Being the voice of reason.

[Bobby Kelly]

What kind. What kind of tarps do you make?

[Stavros Halkias]

Bobby's interested in these tarps. Yeah.

[H]

Well, anything that'll fit you. No boat covers, roll parts.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, I'm not the fat one in the room anymore, so I take offense.

[Stavros Halkias]

It would get real testy if I left. Between you and Elders, though, it would be a real. It'd be a real close one between you two if I have to hit the bathroom. So let's be clear about that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like tarps.

[Stavros Halkias]

You do like, a bunch of weird. You take interest in. In, like, specific things is what I mean.

[Bobby Kelly]

You would, too, if you had a house.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I get.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm a homeowner.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're a h. You're a. You're a building owner.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, it's a nice. Oh. Cuz I have people on either side of me is what you're saying.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yep.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not interesting. It's a fact. You can't just say interesting. It's a fact.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's a home. I'm a. More of an urban. I'm more of an urban man than you, Bobby. I know you got to be out in the woods, but not me, man. I like to be surrounded by people.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yep. All of them.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, listen, buddy, we're rooting for you. Thanks for calling in. You're doing great out there, and it is important to hear from people that have gone through this so that we hear your voice and you having PTSD every time. We're like, ah, how bad is it? That had big jogs. That kid was lucky. So it's good to have a real. To see it, to talk to a real person.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, offense. This kid's back.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, but you're a wildly molested man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, wildly, wildly.

[Stavros Halkias]

I just want to say thank you.

[H]

Guys, and just real quick, I want to give my flowers. Stavi, you're my favorite comedian right now, Bobby Kelly. Kill box was fantastic. Everything you've done with Louie, I've seen it a thousand times. I love you both very much.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you.

[H]

You're a great producer for an Albanian.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a great.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thanks, Jay.

[Eldis]

We'll send you a Jan sport backpack as again.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, bud. Get out there. What a cute kid. Damn.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm an honest kid.

[Stavros Halkias]

Honest. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what I mean to be. Hey, man, it kind of me up. That's pretty cool that he's actually so. He has so much awareness of where he's at to not take that into his 50s.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And go, dude, I that me up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's dealing with it right now. Which would have saved me a lot of time if I could have said, hey, man, this happened when I was young.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally, totally.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you know, you know, it was all I. Oh, dude, you banged when you were this age. Nah, not good. I'm so proud that my kid hasn't even really kissed a girl yet.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

At 11.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which is the way it should be.

[Stavros Halkias]

You were Eiffel towering in abandoned. In abandoned train tracks. You were getting your dick sucked. My runaways at 11 and drinking moonshine.

[Bobby Kelly]

I came out. I came out. I came out this summer. And Don goes deal with that. And I look over. He's got a heart on is his. He's holding his iPhone up with it, watching YouTube videos. I go deal with what. The kid's a genius. It's amazing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, and we also want to remind everybody. Let's start a cult. It's out in theaters today. Watch it. Bobby's hilarious in it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm so proud of you, dude. Thank you, brother. You made your own movie. I mean, everybody's so happy about you.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm pumped for the movie, man. I'm excited for by now. It's sweet. You know, by now it's swept the nation. You know, it is November. Oh, it's not? No. What is it? Oh, then it's out in theaters today. That's right. It's out in theaters today. Oh, you know, we're going to be. We're right now we're leaving this podcast and going to the Angelica Theater. In fact, Bobby, that's what we're doing today, October 25th. Thanks for reminding me, elders. Let's put that it's not.

[Eldis]

Oh, maybe it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's a good one for an Albanian. Either that or the 7th, 25th for an Albanian producer. Yeah, he's rocking.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember now. I remember our conversation earlier, and I understand what you were confused about, but okay, this movie's out today. We're gonna. At the. Be at the end. We're gonna re. Record an intro. This movie is out today.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go to the movie theater.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes. If you live in a major, major city. If you. If you're. If you own a building, not a home.

[Bobby Kelly]

This will be the last time I'm invited on this podcast because superstars.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, you at least will be back for the Thanksgiving episode.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow, that hurt. That's. With somebody else.

[Stavros Halkias]

We. Bobby, what are you. Because we don't want to hold you because we have a few more people here.

[Bobby Kelly]

You do it. I canceled my thing after.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, cool. Let's. What a guy. Thank you, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did.

[Eldis]

Shelly, are you there?

[Stavros Halkias]

Shelley?

[Eldis]

Shelley.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hey.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey.

[Max]

What's going on?

[Stavros Halkias]

What's up, Shelly? What's going on? You're on with me, Bobby and Eldis.

[Max]

Jesus Christ. Hey, how's it going, everybody? Bobby, I'm a big fucking fan. I love the podcast.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hi, buddy.

[Max]

I love the show so much. So I have. Are we ready to get into questions now?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah, get in there. Yeah. Okay, my bad.

[Max]

So I have a really tight foreskin.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I remember.

[Max]

I have. I have never heard anybody else talk about this kind of thing on, like, a show other than you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Stop. That's what I'm here for, representation. So, like, it doesn't.

[Max]

It doesn't really bother me all that much personally, but whenever I'm. Or if I'm getting into something, you know, kind of crazy like that, I feel like it kills the momentum for me. You know what I mean?

[Bobby Kelly]

Can you explain to me? Because I don't know what is. Do you have. Are you uncircumcised?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And when the penis comes out of the top, it's hard to pop out. Out.

[Stavros Halkias]

It only kind of comes out like this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, so it doesn't come out?

[Stavros Halkias]

Your full head doesn't come out, does it?

[Max]

No, no. Well, I mean, like, if you force it. If I force it, it does.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God.

[Max]

But then that's.

[Stavros Halkias]

But that doesn't feel good, right? You want to keep it in.

[Max]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes. Okay. This happened to me. And. Yeah, if you get some real tight.

[Bobby Kelly]

How do you know what happened to you?

[Stavros Halkias]

Huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

How do you know?

[Stavros Halkias]

I felt it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. You didn't see. See it?

[Stavros Halkias]

I can see my dick went hard.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, whatever.

[Stavros Halkias]

Jokes Bobby's only been able to make for nine months.

[Bobby Kelly]

A year. A year and three weeks. Jokes. Bobby won't be able to make it nine months. Come back on Thanksgiving, and I'm just the tub of. In a Month? You're just so.

[Stavros Halkias]

That would be awesome. We should get you a fat suit so I feel more comfortable. Okay, dude, but look, here's the thing. You can just. It definitely will kill the mood. But something that is true is that it really only happens if very tight. You know what I mean? So that's a little compliment. You're like, ah, this pussy's so tight, it pulled my tight foreskin back. You just have to. I. I've gotten. Go ahead.

[Max]

No, no, I'm saying for me, it. I mean, I don't know about you, but for me, it kind of. Whenever I get that tug on my dick, it. It hurts and it kills the mood. It kind of kills my confidence. You know what I mean? I don't have, like. Like a big hog or anything.

[Stavros Halkias]

So talking to.

[Max]

I'm just kind of.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're.

[Stavros Halkias]

Listen, buddy.

[Max]

Pain.

[Stavros Halkias]

You will be in pain. And I will say one. One silver lining that it does make you last longer.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what I mean?

[Stavros Halkias]

Because you're not gonna bust quick. Although it is nice when you hit that groove and you do bust fast when you have a. A, you know, defective penis like me and you, Shelly. But you just gotta get over it, dude. It's just like every other shortcoming. You got a little ass dick. It has. It's up. But at the end of the day, everyone's just trying to borrow. Bust.

[Bobby Kelly]

Isn't there something on Amazon, like a thing you can order? Didn't someone.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Isn't there a thing you can get.

[Max]

You don't want to do that, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I tried it.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is it?

[Max]

It seems like a lot of work. It seems like a lot of effort. Like, I'm gonna.

[Stavros Halkias]

I really don't feel like I'm with you, bro. Don't listen to these. Right? You know, these cirqued and regular.

[Bobby Kelly]

Have you ever to believe in the Lord and savior Jesus Christ and get your dick circumcised as you should?

[Max]

I have been thinking. I have been thinking. I don't know if I can afford it, but I have been thinking about getting circumcised.

[Bobby Kelly]

We got you, dude, this podcast. We're going to raise the money.

[Stavros Halkias]

We can't support circumcision. Unfortunately, philosophically, we cannot support circumcision, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

How much is it?

[Ethan Suplee]

What do you mean, how much is it?

[Bobby Kelly]

How much is it? Was it 1300? What do you got? I don't know. I'm.

[Max]

I don't have that much. Even if it was like a thousand bucks, it would be like a Big deal for me, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're gonna do a GoFundMe to make your dick right.

[Stavros Halkias]

I just. I know. I do want to help our friend, but philosophically.

[Bobby Kelly]

400 bucks?

[Stavros Halkias]

Dude, that's for newborns.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, sorry, but Google got.

[Max]

I just feel like I save you so much.

[Stavros Halkias]

Shave your pubes. Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Shave your publisher. Go suck on your thumb when they do it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, here's the other thing. Here's the other thing. And you're not going to like hearing this, but if you use a condom, it's really not a big deal. You think so? Yeah, it's. When you use a condom, I don't really feel it at all, to be honest with you. But when I'm raw dogging. When I'm raw dogging. And here's the other thing. This might also make you want to just be a more generous lover, because, I mean, now we're getting graphic. But if someone's really turned on, if someone's very wet here. Here, it's us. This is usually good for you to actually be a generous lover. Make sure you've eaten some pussy. You've. You're putting your up little dick in a. In a. In a good environment. You're not rushing in to some half turned on dry because your tight little foreskin is not going to be able to handle that.

[Max]

Stop. I. I don't mean to pry into your personal life or anything, but have you ever. I mean, has it ever killed it for you? You know what I'm saying?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, sometimes I've needed a timeout where I'll just be like, ah. And then I just explain, I have a. Sorry, my foreskin's up.

[Bobby Kelly]

What did the guy say?

[Stavros Halkias]

Hey, what the. It was a chick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whoa, whoa. We're getting kooky over here, dude. Get your dick fixed. Yeah, it's 800 bucks. I got you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, Text Bobby. He'll venmo you. Yeah, dude. Here are your options. Unfortunately, I've been against circumcision, but I'm. If you got to do it, you got to do it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why? Or just why?

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know. It feels like I would be.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why.

[Stavros Halkias]

I would be just bowing down to, you know, mainstream culture, and I would be losing a part of me, a part of my European identity. And I would become. It would be a metaphor for just giving into America.

[Bobby Kelly]

You overthink shit too much. I mean, dude, you really need to fucking chill the fuck out, have a hamburger and shut the fuck up.

[Stavros Halkias]

I really think that, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

For real. You, man. I was thinking about It I really.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because America, I just, you know, it's a part of my Greek identity and you know, for generation I wonder if you know my.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you want statue dick?

[Stavros Halkias]

I do want statue dick. I want to be able to trace it back.

[Bobby Kelly]

I respect that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Statue dick now.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, Shelly, maybe you're not, you're not cut out for statue. I don't know what to tell you, but you got it. You just gotta. Sometimes it'll hurt. You just got to get back on the saddle, brother. Fall down six times, get back seven, you know what I mean? Get knocked down seven, get up eight. Or whatever the fuck the saying is, but that's it, brother. This is life with a fucked up little dick. Are you a strong enough soldier to live it? Because I know I am.

[Max]

I am. I can do it.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's what I like to hear. All right, man. And the next time your dick skin gets pulled back too much, think of me and Bobby smiling at you. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is going to rip right out hard. Fucking kill box to start a cult. Fuck.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right. Good luck, buddy. Good luck with your fucked up cock. Oh, man. Hey, thanks. Fell.

[Bobby Kelly]

Send me a picture, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Appreciate. Yeah, send Bob a picture and then he'll pay for it. Yep, he'll be your sugar daddy.

[Max]

That's overdose.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, see you, bro. Bye, buddy. Wow, Kid.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's so weird. You don't even think because you know I'm circumcised. I got a really nice.

[Stavros Halkias]

I believe it.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I, I love my helmet. I like a helmet. And I, I, I, I can't imagine having that foreskin. But that's the way a dick's supposed to look.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's natural.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's. Well, yeah. And I, it's like I love a. Just a nice German helmet. And when they, they don't even ask you. My Max actually said to me, he's like, dad, why did you circumcise me without, without asking me or like giving me the. And I was like, listen, dude, I didn't know. Yeah, they came in, they grabbed you, they took you and circumcised you and then brought you back.

[Stavros Halkias]

Back you got. Now I will support the legal defense of your son's penis. I won't pay for a circumcision, but I'll pay for suing the. Suing the house.

[Bobby Kelly]

I hear a next movie. I hear St. Rose's next plot where you're a lawyer. I get sued by my son because of his weird dick. And you make it weird again, right?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yep. I love It. I love it.

[Bobby Kelly]

To. To start a force kid.

[Stavros Halkias]

To. To recircum. To uncircumcise a.

[Eldis]

It's even suplee again.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I play the son and he plays the father.

[Stavros Halkias]

Even just in shorts and like a. Licking a big lollipop.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You know Ethan's a monster down there.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, probably.

[Bobby Kelly]

God damn probably.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, who knows? Yeah, you're probably right.

[Bobby Kelly]

You just see his hands.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you're right. Nice piece on him. All right, how about we talk to peach farmer?

[Eldis]

No, you know what? I think I remember who Max P. Was. I think he was the guy who was afraid he like, knocked up his friends in the friend group or whatever and he was wondering if he should skip town or what. Yeah, he says he has an update.

[Stavros Halkias]

So let's hear him.

[Eldis]

Max, are you there?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, what's going on? If it was my kid. Hey, dad. Hey, it's Max Kelly. I knocked up this chick.

[Stavros Halkias]

You think I haven't been jacking off? I've been doing one better, you idiot. I've been raw dogging since I was 10.

[Bobby Kelly]

I knocked up this chick on Oculus Quest.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, Maxi, what's going on, man? You got an update for us? You.

[Bobby Kelly]

You.

[Stavros Halkias]

We. You called. We told you to skip town cuz you might have knocked up somebody. Is that correct?

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Stavros Halkias]

That is correct.

[Bobby Kelly]

What the. What the.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was more nuanced to that. Bobby, go watch back the episode. So what? Give us a little elder says you have an update for us. Yeah, so I took your advice and.

[Bobby Kelly]

We'Re an hour away now.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow, good.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's good. Added another kid to this world is gonna get by his teacher. Good for you guys. Good advice.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no. The kid's got a loving family, right? Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God. There's another Bob Kelly out there. Good job. Might be you just created another stand up comedian with issues. Do you. So can I just ask you something?

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure. You.

[Bobby Kelly]

You knock somebody up and you just. He just left.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, well, no, no, no. He might. Yeah. Give. Give Bobby those. Give Bobby the cliff notes here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, that might have to be you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, so. So basic.

[Eldis]

Basically, Max, it was that you. There was this girl in your friend group who everyone was kind of on, and then you her at one point and she got like. She got with a guy or something. Either a friend or just some other dude. They got together, ended up getting married, she got pregnant, and the timing worked.

[Stavros Halkias]

Out so that it could possibly be yours.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Correct.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah, yeah, that. You got not listening, bro. You got not. You got nothing to worry about.

[Stavros Halkias]

Listen, that's why we told him to skip.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, good for you. You're right. Now I get it. You did the right thing, dude. Get out of there. I mean, look, here's the problem. You're gonna be in your driveway someday playing baseball with your other kids that you like, and some. Some Navy SEAL guy's gonna walk up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, that might happen. Probably not, but maybe I'd be lucky.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'd be lucky if he was a Navy seal. That's true.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did give you the tip of.

[Stavros Halkias]

Walking down my driveway.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's going to be wheeling up your driveway. Dad, you gave me spina bifida. It runs in our family. Your grandmother and your other had spinal bifida. Well. Well, man, you did the right thing. So have you. Have you. Have you tried to. Are you. Here's my advice to you. Don't look back. You'll never look back. That's. That's the plan. Yeah. Don't look back. Well, there's gonna be. I'm telling you right now, now there's going to be a time where you're going to think about it and be like, maybe I should.

[Stavros Halkias]

Although it is interesting, because now it's like, hey, that guy just completely disappeared. That almost makes you more of a suspect.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't wait.

[Stavros Halkias]

As the kid grows up and looks like you. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're gonna go back and get a latte at one of these shops someday, and you're gonna look, and the kid's gonna be you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was. Yes, sir.

[Stavros Halkias]

And you'd be like, but we just don't know. We don't know. Right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah. You don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

You don't know know. It's Rodinger's cat. We'll never know. We'll never know. And that's the best thing you could have possibly done. Well, good for you, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Unless. Unless. Unless you have a daughter someday.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's an old boy situation.

[Bobby Kelly]

Someone's a. Your daughter.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then. That's true.

[Bobby Kelly]

Your grandkids are actually you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that is true. But that's. You know, that's the. You have to. That's a risk you have to be willing to take.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. That's a risk you're gonna have to take, buddy.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's the risk I did take? Yeah. Yep.

[Bobby Kelly]

No going back now. You did listen to an Albanian and a chubby Greek for advice. I know.

[Stavros Halkias]

I needed.

[Bobby Kelly]

I needed that Boston advice from you. Yeah, I. I agree, dude. You did the right thing. Don't look back.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right thing. But you did. Your only move.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is get A DNA test and be. But, yeah, you're not gonna do all that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Those cost money.

[Eldis]

Don't worry how much that kid looks like you. Which he did say during the call last time he.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did the kid look like him?

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Woof.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you're good, man. You're a good man. But you know.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, do you know if the girl is. Is with. She has a good family though, right? No. Wow. And. But the. But the father's still around, the one that she thinks it might be, right?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They split custody.

[Bobby Kelly]

There you go, dude. There you go. Yeah, he'll have a dad. He'll have a father figure, but you can't really do.

[Stavros Halkias]

Here's the thing. You put a little distance between you, but where it starts being immoral is if you're dodging. If somebody's like, hey, is that his kid? You might have to give in then.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

But for now. But for now, you got a new. You're a couple towns over. Look, I would have done a little more than an hour. Me personally, but hey, Jesus Christ, how about another state?

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, listen. I mean, dude, you're walking distance to his real dad. Listen, but here's the thing. You. You could have this kid up because you didn't want it. You weren't ready to do it. You weren't ready to be a dad. The best thing you could have done if it. If it was or isn't you, like, I'm out. I'm gonna go do this and let his. Him have a dad even though they don't live together. Because if you were in that life, you could have. You could have him up. You could have done stuff that you weren't ready to do. You weren't ready to handle it. You know what I mean? You. You stepped out, and now he's gonna have his life, and that's his life, and you can't do anything about it. Let him go.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, perfect.

[Bobby Kelly]

Unless he's. Unless he's a savant. Makes a million. Then you get in touch with that little rich.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, moving away from you. But I just. I called into a podcast and they told me to do it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that piece of. I didn't know you were going to vent. A machine that makes water out of air. And then he watches my response.

[Stavros Halkias]

And how nonchalant.

[Bobby Kelly]

The next gazillionaire invents all this.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, he's half this guy and half that girl, so probably not his son.

[Bobby Kelly]

His son becomes the guy who like saves the world.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And is like, like the next.

[Stavros Halkias]

Not betting on it, but yes, that would be. That would be.

[Bobby Kelly]

He has to watch that other guy who's not the dad. Looks nothing like him. I just want to thank you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Get thanked at the Nobel Peace Prize.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dad, come up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And he's home with some stupid kid. Dad, you gonna take me to the game?

[Stavros Halkias]

You're 40.

[Bobby Kelly]

When are you gonna move out? I need more export Xbox points to get my new gun. Dad, you're 34 face.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, brother. Well, hey, enjoy the new home, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

And keep tabs on that kid.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Keep it twisted, boys.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, we will, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Keep it twisted. Bye, buddy. Oh, my God, your fans are the best.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, we'll do to hear from Peach Farmer then. Oh, is he still there?

[Eldis]

He's still in here. Let's see if he'll jump on.

[Stavros Halkias]

If not, you know, I don't give a.

[Eldis]

Peach Farmer, you there? We have. We do have room for one more. If you're a veil, you're on mute, my friend.

[Stavros Halkias]

Beach Farmer. Yeah, all right. Right. Is that the episode, Eldest?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right. That's the episode. Robert, thank you so much, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Buddy, it's great to see you.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's always great to see you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm so proud that you.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're kicking ass still. And you're. You're. You're getting into. You're still creating stuff. You made your own flick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Trying.

[Bobby Kelly]

And here's the thing about it. You put me in it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Oh, every. Every time, bro.

[Bobby Kelly]

Even though now I found out it was a mistake.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, not a mistake so much as, you know, an oversight.

[Bobby Kelly]

An oversight.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oversight.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what you want. That's all I wanted in life. I wanted to be an over into a kid that I fed for years.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, I would never have anybody else play my dad. Thank you for doing it. You're. You're so funny in it. And please go watch it. It's out in theaters now, folks. Let's start a cult. If it's playing where you are, go see it. We just made a stupid comedy. There's no you. You won't learn any lessons from it. It's just a bunch of dick jokes, fat jokes, ugly joke, like just base comedy for idiots. And that's what you are, and that's what we are.

[Bobby Kelly]

The best type of.

[Stavros Halkias]

The best type of comedy. So we love you. Go see it out in theaters, I think tomorrow. Yes, yes, it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just figure out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe we put this. Maybe we put this out we give this? Yeah, we'll talk about it. But maybe we'll put it out on Friday, the day it comes out. So put it on the YouTube that day. So anyway, anyway, thank you, Bob. You're the best. We'll see you on Thanksgiving for our annual tradition of me, you and Joe List.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

And we'll talk to you guys later. Bye. Bye. Step into the world of power, loyalty and luck.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse.

[Stavros Halkias]

With family. Canolies and spins mean everything.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now you want to get mixed up in the family business?

[Stavros Halkias]

Introducing the [e-mail] test your luck in the shadowy world of the Godfather slots.

[Bobby Kelly]

Someday I will call upon you to do a service for me. Play the Godfather. [e-mail] we'll welcome to the family.

[Stavros Halkias]

No purchase necessary.

[Bobby Kelly]

VGW Group void. We're prohibited by law. 18 plus terms and conditions apply. Water damage is no joke. Did you know that water damage makes.

[Ethan Suplee]

Up more than 25% of all home insurance claims?

[Bobby Kelly]

And the average claim costs over $13,000.

[Ethan Suplee]

Don't let a small leak turn into a big expense.

[Bobby Kelly]

Learn [e-mail] no joke.

[Ethan Suplee]

Pemco Mutual Insurance Company, Seattle, Washington.