Tara Owens has spent over twenty years as a spiritual director, and she also trains other spiritual directors. She's the author of Embracing the Body, the executive director of a nonprofit, a boxer, and a coaching client of Alan's. That last detail matters, because this conversation is about something most leaders quietly wrestle with: which kind of helper do I actually need right now?

Alan and Tara unpack the three lanes (therapy, spiritual direction, and coaching), where each one shines, where leaders most often apply the wrong tool to the wrong problem, and what it cost Tara to finally say yes to a coach after years of resisting it.

Who this episode is for

If you've been in therapy for a while and have a gut sense the season is shifting but you don't know where to go next. If you've been pursuing growth through one modality and quietly suspect you've been trying to use a hammer on a screw. If you're a leader who's allergic to coaching (or to spiritual direction, or to therapy) and you want to understand what you might actually be allergic to. If you sense you're stuck and you can't tell whether you're stuck in the past, in the present, or in the future. This one is for you.

What you'll take away

A simple framework for which lane fits which season: therapy integrates your past, spiritual direction sits with you in the present, and coaching is for the leader who needs someone in their corner for the future
What spiritual direction actually is (and isn't), and why "director" is a confusing word for what's really a non-anxious, non-manipulative, agenda-free listening presence
Why "there are no spiritual direction emergencies" and what that reveals about the slower, deeper work most leaders never make space for
The trap of "spiritual cannibalism" that helping professionals (and pastors, and leaders of any kind) need to watch for in themselves
Why Tara, a deeply respected spiritual director, had a years-long allergy to coaching and what finally moved her
The phrase that named what she was missing: "I didn't have anybody in my life who was for my future"
Why the resources you actually need are usually closer than you think, often already on your team and under your nose
How to evaluate fit when looking for any of the three, and why "they say they're your coach" doesn't mean they actually are

Quotes worth sitting with

"There are no spiritual direction emergencies."

"You're not Jesus. I'm not Jesus. That's not our job."

"I didn't have anybody in my life who was for my future."

"Hope is the ground of everything I do, and it's probably my weakest muscle."

"So much about coaching is naming and permission."

"Ask 'who' instead of 'what.' Some of God's greatest 'what' questions or opportunities are answered by 'who do I need.'"

Reflection questions

Where are you actually stuck right now: in something from your past, in something happening in your present, or in something you can't see clearly about your future?

What's the right partnership for that specific kind of stuck, and have you been trying to solve it with the wrong tool?

Who, not what, might be the answer to the next thing God is doing in you?

Resources

Embracing the Body: Finding God in Our Flesh and Bone by Tara Owens.

Learn more about Tara's work at anamcara.com.

For coaching, frameworks, and tools to help you lead well, head to h2leadership.com.

If you're a leader sensing you need partnership but can't quite name where the gap is, that's exactly the kind of clarity our coaching work is built for. Schedule a breakthrough coaching session.