Friendship: Breakups, Jealousy & Building Deep Connection with Grace Valentine

Summary

Stay True with Madison Prewett Troutt
Episode: Friendship: Breakups, Jealousy & Building Deep Connection with Grace Valentine
Release Date: June 30, 2025

In this heartfelt episode of Stay True, host Madison Prewett Troutt sits down with renowned speaker, podcast host, and author Grace Valentine to delve into the complexities of friendships. Together, they explore themes of deepening connections, navigating unhealthy relationships, overcoming jealousy, and fostering godly friendships. Their candid conversation offers valuable insights and practical advice for listeners seeking to cultivate meaningful and enduring friendships grounded in faith.

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1. Shifting from Surface-Level to Deeper Friendships

The discussion begins with Madison posing a crucial question: “What are ways we can shift from these surface-level friendships to more deeper, meaningful friendships that are godly?” ([00:00]).

Grace emphasizes the importance of “radical love”, stressing that “Never be too busy for your friends. You have a list of excuses to not show up” ([00:07]). She highlights that investing genuine time and love can elevate friendships to a more profound level.

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2. Recognizing and Handling Unhealthy Friendships

Madison then inquires about identifying and addressing unhealthy friendships: “How do you know when you need to walk away from an unhealthy friendship? And how do you know if a friendship is unhealthy?” ([00:15]).

Grace responds by distinguishing between giving grace and making excuses. She advises that while certain conflicts warrant understanding, “you don't have to give excuses towards” ([00:21]). Recognizing when a friendship no longer aligns with one's values is essential for personal growth.

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3. Defeating Jealousy and Competition

A significant portion of the conversation centers on jealousy and competition within friendships. Madison asks: “How can we defeat comparison and competition in our life?” ([00:54]).

Grace underscores the need for self-awareness, stating, “I think the first thing you have to do is admit you're jealous” ([07:46]). She elaborates on the destructive nature of jealousy, referencing Proverbs: “anger and wrath are bad. This is a Grace Valentine translation in Proverbs. But anger and wrath are bad. But jealousy is even worse is what Proverbs warns us” ([07:52]). Grace encourages listeners to seek discernment and rely on the Holy Spirit to overcome these negative emotions.

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4. Dealing with Conflict in Friendships

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. Madison poses the question: “What would you say is good advice for dealing with conflict and friendship?” ([04:43]).

Grace advises approaching conflicts with empathy and spiritual guidance. She emphasizes controlling one's thoughts and preparing the heart through prayer to ensure conversations are both “kind and loving” ([11:40]). This approach fosters understanding and resolution without escalating tensions.

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5. Handling Being Called Out

The episode also explores the delicate process of being called out by a friend. Madison asks Grace: “How should we respond in that moment and how should we leave from that conversation?” ([30:10]).

Grace recommends maintaining a “curious posture” and being open to feedback. She suggests asking for specific examples and taking time to pray about the conversation to prevent pride from hindering personal growth. “Even if it's a hard conversation, even if you don't see what they're saying, to say, thank you for coming to me” ([31:05]).

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6. Overcoming Resentment and Bitterness

Madison shares a personal story about dealing with gossip and resentment, highlighting the internal struggle it creates. Grace echoes this sentiment, emphasizing the transformative power of prayer and forgiveness: “praying for blessings over them” ([55:28]). They discuss how letting go of bitterness leads to personal peace and spiritual growth.

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7. Avoiding Gossip and Its Impact

Gossip is identified as a significant threat to healthy friendships. Madison and Grace discuss the difference between seeking advice and engaging in gossip. Grace advises focusing on one's feelings without resorting to “name calling” and ensuring that conversations aim for “peace and clarity” ([38:41]).

Madison adds, “What is your goal? Is your Goal to have peace in your life is your goal to vent” ([40:13]), reminding listeners to evaluate their intentions to prevent destructive gossip.

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8. Building Healthy, Godly Friendships

Towards the end of the episode, Grace shares strategies for fostering deep, godly friendships. She emphasizes the necessity of “showing up” even in challenging times, using personal anecdotes to illustrate the impact of unwavering support. Grace states, “Never be too busy for your friends” ([58:32]), encouraging listeners to prioritize meaningful connections over convenience.

Madison complements this by highlighting the sacrificial nature of true friendship, reflecting Jesus's example of love through giving and sacrifice: “Love is connected to giving” ([60:53]).

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9. Final Thoughts and Encouragement

As the conversation wraps up, Madison and Grace reinforce the importance of integrating faith into friendships. They encourage listeners to “stay true” by building relationships that uplift and reflect godly values. Grace's new book, "The Better Friend," is introduced as a resource for those looking to deepen their understanding of healthy friendships.

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Notable Quotes

• Grace Valentine ([00:07]): “Never be too busy for your friends. You have a list of excuses to not show up.”

• Grace Valentine ([07:46]): “I think the first thing you have to do is admit you're jealous.”

• Grace Valentine ([11:40]): “Think on these things, control your thoughts before the conversation.”

• Grace Valentine ([31:05]): “Even if it's a hard conversation, even if you don't see what they're saying, to say, thank you for coming to me.”

• Madison Pruitt Trout ([60:53]): “Love holds other records of wrongs.”

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Conclusion

This episode of Stay True offers a comprehensive exploration of the dynamics within friendships, particularly through the lens of faith. Madison and Grace provide actionable advice on building stronger, more authentic relationships while navigating common challenges like jealousy, conflict, and gossip. Their conversation serves as a guide for listeners aspiring to cultivate friendships that are not only meaningful but also aligned with their spiritual values.

For those interested in delving deeper, Grace Valentine's book "The Better Friend" is recommended as a valuable resource for enhancing and nurturing godly friendships.

Transcript

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

What are ways we can shift from these surface level friendships to more deeper, meaningful friendships that are godly?

[Grace Valentine]

Never be too busy for your friends. You have a list of excuses to not show up. But then end of the day, like, radical love is so crucial and will take a friendship to the next level.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

How do you know when you need to walk away from an unhealthy friendship? And how do you know if a friendship is unhealthy?

[Grace Valentine]

There are certain things in life that you should give grace towards, but you don't have to give excuses towards. You can realize that there are conflicts that you've had with friendships where, yeah, the friendship might need to change.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

What's the difference between asking for wisdom and advice versus versus allowing it to be gossip?

[Grace Valentine]

It's important before you walk towards God's new blessings that you realize that closure was never going to come from a text message. It was never going to come from someone admitting they were wrong. It was always going to come from trusting that God would be God.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

What would you say is good advice for dealing with conflict and friendship?

[Grace Valentine]

We have to realize that jealousy will destroy not only the other person's life because you will act hurtful towards them. It will also destroy your own.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

How can we defeat comparison and competition in our life? What's up, guys? Welcome back to another episode of Stay True podcast. I'm your host, Madison Pruitt Trout, here with my friend Grace of Valentine.

[Grace Valentine]

Thank you, Maddie. It's so. It's still so fun hearing Maddie Madison Pruitt Trout. I don't know, even though it's been, like, forever, but it's just like for.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

The longest time, you thought my name was just Maddie Pru.

[Grace Valentine]

I didn't think it was Pruitt. I think the worst is with our other friend, Riley. Her Instagram is Riley Courage. I, like, sent her a book and I Riley curse. Like, that's not my last name.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Started becoming good friends with her husband Jack, and put, when he first met him, put him in his phone as Jack with Courage.

[Grace Valentine]

That's. That's what I did with Riley for the longest time too. And so I'm like such an Instagram, like Maddie Pro. And then I'm like, wait, it's Pruitt. I just.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Anyway, so now Pru Trout all the things.

[Grace Valentine]

Oh, is that.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

But Grace, she is a speaker, podcast host, author. You've written so many books and you're. Are we the same age?

[Grace Valentine]

Are we. I think I'm a little older. 28.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Okay. I'm 28.

[Grace Valentine]

Okay. When's your birthday, June. But you just turned 28. Right? Okay, so I'm older. No, but I'm. But I'm about to be 29. That's going to be a whole, like, in June. I know, Old hack. But yes, be 29 soon. Last year's in my 20s. Got to embrace it. Got to have a lot of goals.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

So good. I just turned 29. No, I'm older. 29.

[Grace Valentine]

Okay, so you're older. I'm sorry, you're the old act, not me.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

You guys, this is my mom brain. No, because for my 29th birthday, I literally was like, I mean, I'm just gonna hang here at the house. My daughter and my husband. It was great.

[Grace Valentine]

That's when you know you're living right, though.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

But I said, for 30, we gotta, like, do something.

[Grace Valentine]

Have you heard of people doing the bucket list, too? Like, 30 things before 30, they're trying to do, like.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

It's like, should I start a list?

[Grace Valentine]

Yeah, you should. Wow. Yeah.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

No, I haven't heard this.

[Grace Valentine]

Yeah, it's like a 30 before 30. Well, I'm not 29 yet, so that's ignorant.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah, I'm old one. So I start my list now.

[Grace Valentine]

I don't know. I'm finally gonna go to Europe after I turn 29. I have two it weddings in the same week. I'm like, I'm so glad my friends are getting married. It's like, well, actually, my boyfriend has one of his college best friends getting married in Italy, like, July 9th. My friend's getting married July 6th. And, like, different parts of Italy. So I'm like, thank you, guys. I remember praying when my friend was deciding between weddings, which God has bigger issues to deal with than my Italian wedding schedule, but this would be really fun. And so that was definitely on my bucket list because I've never really traveled abroad. I don't know if you have. And so I feel like everyone studied abroad or everyone did this. And obviously that's comparison. You don't want to, like, live in that. But I said, Before 30, I want to go to Europe. And so I'm really excited that that'll be my 34. 30 will be a lot of Europe stuff.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Grant just got asked to officiate a wedding in Italy next summer, but, oh.

[Grace Valentine]

My goodness, this is the summer. Yeah.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah, I love it. But.

[Grace Valentine]

Oh, wait, that's so cool. You're like, oh, we have to go to Italy. Lord, send me.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah, Lord, wherever you send me. Oh, my gosh.

[Grace Valentine]

Is it fun to watch him officiate weddings?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

He's Only done one, but it was so fun. I just, like, was so smitten, kitten. I was, like, sitting in the audience. I don't think I'm supposed to be my phone, but I was, like, zooming in.

[Grace Valentine]

Yeah.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

To his face. I was like, he's so cute.

[Grace Valentine]

As a pastor. That's so sweet. I bet you were so proud.

[Unknown]

I.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And I will be even more proud when I'm in Italy.

[Grace Valentine]

Yeah.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

You know. Perfect. I'm so excited. Okay, so you have written five books. Which, by the way, which is. This is so funny. So this is how you and I connected was I randomly posted a photo. This was probably three months after I came off the Bachelor, and I randomly posted a photo. Someone had told me about your book. Am I enough? Question mark? And I bought the book on Amazon. I post this photo. I think it's for some brand deal. I don't even know. And.

[Grace Valentine]

Oh, yeah, your sheets. Your book.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

It was four sheets. I don't even remember what sheets.

[Grace Valentine]

Yeah.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Brooklyn. And I think. And that's not even an ad.

[Grace Valentine]

Your lucky day, Brooklyn.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

This is, like, sitting on my, like, nightstand. And I think you, like, DM'd me. And you're like, hey, oh, my gosh, it's my book. Like, so fun. Hi, I'm Grace. And I think that's how we connected.

[Grace Valentine]

Yes. I remember someone had sent it to me, and I had just been like every other girl who watched the Bachelor. I wish I could be like, I'm not like other girls. I didn't watch the Bachelor that season. Like, sorry, I did, but. And then I was like, Maddie gave me so much hope. That was what we needed. I feel like in our generation, even if it was on reality TV show, which I always say, a bad thing can become a good thing if it's a God thing. So, like, a lot of those reality shows, I'm not like, no. Like, they can be a bad thing, but they can be redeemed because God is so powerful. Not because you're powerful or because the show's powerful, but because of God. And so I feel like that was some, like, a Christianity moment that broke in to a space that was broken. And so I was like, I love this girl. And then someone's like, she's reading your book in the corner. And I'm like, oh, my God. Before she goes to bed, like, you know, like, oh, my gosh, she's reading about me getting an MIP in college. Like, that's crazy. You know, cleaning up dog poop on my worst day. But that meant so much to me. And you've been such an encouragement. I don't know. I don't think you get enough credit for the way you're a cheerleader for a lot of other people. I think it's easy for girls especially to be competitive. And you have. And that was when you. I had nothing to give you other than a smile. Like, I was like. And that. Like, it matters, but, like, you just were so genuine and wanted to go on a walk and, like, get to know me. And that's. It's sad that that's rare, but I think naturally, in our world, where all of us, like, even people listening to this, like, people are obsessed with, you know, moving to a new town, like, who's. Who's. Who. Who's. My friends. You are really good about just genuinely getting to know people for who they are, and I don't think you get enough. Jennifer, I know people know how amazing you are, but just like your champion for other woman is just very unique.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Well, thank you. And I can say the same thing about you. You have been such a light and such an encouragement to me. And I remember going on a walk, and I was like, I feel like I've known you my whole life. And speaking of all the things that you just talked about, which was very kind encouragement, but it ties in perfectly with what I want to talk about today, which is all about your new book, the Better Friend. And I'm so excited for everyone to get to read it, because you're a phenomenal writer. You put out content. Like, I'm like, girl, what? How do you do this? I'm literally, like, texting you. And you're like, yeah, I just turned in my manuscript, and you, like, had just announced another book, like, three weeks before. And I'm like, how are you doing this? Help me. But you're just such a good writer. And so I'm so excited to even get to dive into this book even more. But to get to talk about it today. And you're talking about, like, as a friend, we should be cheerleading each other on. We should be championing on each other and not competing with one another, which is what's. It's so easy to do that in friendships, because comparison is such a thing. It really is. And it robs us of the deep, meaningful relationships that God intends for us to have. And if we don't get a hold on that, we're not going to experience the friendship that we were made for. We're not going to experience the community that we were made For. And so I'd love to just ask you, like, what? How can we defeat comparison and competition in our life? How can we if we're dealing with that in our friendships? Like, what. What advice would you give to those listening on how they can get rid of jealousy and comparison in their friendships?

[Grace Valentine]

I think the first thing you have to do is admit you're jealous. Because as girls, we try to validate our own emotions.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

So true.

[Grace Valentine]

We're like, I just have a bad feeling about this girl. Or she kind of irks me when she talks about this or her relationship. She's talking about this too much. And we don't even want to admit it's jealousy. We want to just say she bothers me. And there's a difference. Like, yes, some people may bother you, but you have to look into your own heart, and you should be discerning and praying for conviction daily that you realize that that's actually the green monster in you. That's not, you know, and that's honestly the enemy in you. He's trying to distract you from being in a loving, like, spirit by looking at her as your competition and not your teammate. And so I think when you are acknowledging and you're praying for discernment, you're going to be convicted and grossed out by it more. And just reading God's word, like, we see so much about how jealousy will destroy your life. It says, anger and wrath are bad. This is a Grace Valentine translation in Proverbs. But anger and wrath are bad. But jealousy is even worse is what Proverbs warns us. And so we have to realize that jealousy will destroy not only the other person's life because you will act hurtful towards them. It will also destroy your own. And the irony is we've all had, like a friend's ex boyfriend. We get really anger and raffle, whatever that is towards them. We're like, that guy Ethan, wow, he did my friend wrong. I have a lot of anger towards that guy. But the idea that we get jealous of people who are even our friends, our sisters, our people in our lives is so scary because that's even worse, according to God's word, than even being angry and having wrath? And so I think understanding and praying in your own heart, like, why am I thinking this about this person? Is it because I'm jealous? Or is it because they actually are bothering me? Like, in having discernment, a Holy Spirit guide and praying, and when you accept Jesus Christ and we, we know this, but, like, the Holy Spirit comes in your heart and it becomes this God gut where, you know, hey, this is probably what God wants me to do. God does not want me to go to this area, or God does not want me to go to this party. God does not want me to trust this guy again. And same thing where you get this God gut that says, hey, I'm not being kind out of jealousy. So I think understanding that and just admitting in confession is so important and having friends that you can be like, hey, I am so happy that you're in a relationship and that you're getting married. Just, I'm asking for prayer because right now I can see it that I'm feeling behind and that I'm comparing myself. And it'll better your friendship when you're not trying to be better than each other, but you're trying to better yourselves.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

That's so good. I love that you flipped it on. Like, look at yourself and ask the question like, is this a me problem or is this a you problem? Because in your friendships, there's going to be moments where you get bothered by the other person, or there's jealousy or there's competition, or there's comparison. It's almost impossible for you not to have a moment like that. And so this conversation that Grace and I are having right now, I don't want anyone to feel shame if that is something that you've struggled with in your past. But as believers, that's not something we should continue to walk in as soon as we are aware of it. And so be honest with yourself. Ask yourself like, is this a me problem? You know, before I go to this person and be like, hey, you know, this, this, this, and this, first, ask yourself like, is this actually something I'm struggling with? Is this actually something that I have an issue with? And confront yourself first, as it talks about in scripture, like, remove the speck from your own eye before you try to go and remove anything from someone else's eye. And so take a second to, you know, get alone with God, like you're saying, and ask, is there something God you need to do in my heart? Is there something that you need to remove in my heart? And almost every single time there is, even if it' 2%. You know, even if you only need to own the 2%. And maybe your friend is the one who struggles with jealousy and competition, but maybe because of that, you struggle with resentment. You know, maybe you then struggle with frustration and, you know, whatever it is that you then carry because of that. And so I think that's such a powerful point. And A good reminder because it is, it's inevitable in this world. Like, you know, it's going to be kind of part of something that we have to continue to deal with. No relationships are perfect. How would you advise? Like, what would you say is good advice for dealing with conflict and friendship? Because that can be scary.

[Grace Valentine]

It's one of those things where I'm someone who wants to have it head on. But the issue with having it also head on is I've gotten to this issue where I just want to be like, I'm annoyed. This is what's going on. I'm also not speaking the Holy Spirit in this moment, so I'm speaking my mind. So I think it's so important when you go into conflict being like, okay, am I speaking my mind? Because my mind may be what I think and it may be what I think is true and it may be even right in some situations. Like that may be like something your friend did that was bad. Like maybe she did hang out with your ex boyfriend and that was annoying. But just because it's right doesn't mean it's kind and loving and reflects the Holy Spirit. Like, you want to live a loving life and you want to like, even like the verse in Philippians where it talks about whatever's true, whatever is right, whatever is noble, whatever is worth of praise. Like, think on these things. So like, control your thoughts before the conversation. And that comes to prayer, that comes to preparing your heart for the conversation and not just doing it willy nilly where you're like, oh, this is how I feel. Like, take a time to really account for that because that will help you also have empathy in the conversation. And I've had to do that before where I'm like this person. I feel like God has really done me wrong and help me see it in a different light and God will show you like, and once again, I also believe there's a quote that this isn't biblical, but just because something explains it doesn't mean it excuses it. And I think that does go truth with friendships. And it's so important to realize that there are certain things in life that you should give grace towards. But you don't have to give excuses towards. You can realize that there are conflicts that you've had with friendships where, you know what, yeah, the friendship might need to change. Hey, maybe we're not even compatible. But at the same time, you need to be confident that, you know, I'm going about this in a loving way and I'm speaking the Spirit in this moment and not speaking my mind. And I understand and have the empathy that Jesus has. And I don't know. Do you have any advice on conflict, too?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

No. That's so good. I love that. I love that you're talking to, like, don't be reactive. Because I know that's been my downfall is when I'm just reactive. Like a friend does something or. Or even when I'm in a relationship, you know, someone does something that it is. It angers me or it frustrates me or it hurts my feelings when I'm reactive in that moment. That's where my mind is led by sin instead of led by the spirit. And I think that's where we have to be careful, is when we have a moment. And I've learned this even in marriage and even in my relationship with my husband is like, when he does something that hurts my feelings, most of the time it's not going to be a fruitful or good godly conversation if I tell him in that moment. But like you're saying, if I take a second, I take a pause. I like to say pause and pray. If you take a second, you pause and you pray and you say, holy Spirit, show me where I need to own my part. Holy Spirit, show me what I. How I need to communicate this, how I need to share where I've been hurt, and make it about yourself instead of making it about the other person where you're pointing fingers. And so what I've learned is like, okay, it's never helpful if I'm like, you did this and you did that, and you this, this and that. But it's more helpful if I'm like, hey, when you said that, I know that's probably not how you meant it, but this is how I took it and this is how it made me feel. And I just want to be honest with you about that and give you an opportunity to explain a little bit more maybe what you meant by that and having a just, you know, like, neutral moment like that, where it's not like finger pointing, I've seen to be super helpful. And it talks about it in Romans 8. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the spirit is life and peace. And so we're talking about. In our relationships, we want peace, we want unity. And so that's why taking a second to pause and pray like you're talking about is so helpful when we're talking about conflict and friendships. But you spoke to this, and I. I think this is a really interesting question. When it comes to friendships that a lot of people wonder is how do you know when you need to walk away from an unhealthy friendship? And how do you know if a friendship is unhealthy? Okay, guys, I'm taking a short break.

[Unknown]

From this podcast to tell you about some exciting news.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

My new book, Dare to be True. Stay true. Dare to be True. It just makes sense.

[Unknown]

When God laid this podcast on my heart, I actually had already started working on my next book, Dare to be True. And the whole point of this podcast and the whole point of this book is we were all designed and made for truth, and everyone in this world is searching for it. Yet so many of us are searching for the right things in all of the wrong places. And this book is all about tackling the lies that often entangle us and bind us and finding the truth that sets us free. And so in this book, we're going to be tackling all the things from sin and shame and the lies around eternity and the lies around your identity and the lies around your purpose and how to find the truth and live free. Because the reality is, it says in Proverbs 14:12 that there is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death. There is a way that the world preaches that we should go, that we should follow, that we should conform to, that we should look like. And in the end, it leads to death. Yet what God's word says is Jesus says in John 14:6, I am the way, the truth, and the life. So he is saying, the truth you are looking for can only be found in me. I am the truth. And I'm not only the truth, I am the truth at leads to life and life abundantly. And then it says in John 8:32, when you know the truth, it's the truth that will set you free. And so if you have ever felt bound by lies, if you have ever questioned your worth, your confidence, your purpose, if you've ever wondered how you can break free from feeling weighed down, exhausted, overwhelmed, or even insecure about who you truly are and what your purpose is on this earth, this book is for you. I have often said, I just want to be free. I have looked at my husband many of times and said, I just want to be free. I'm tired of feeling weighed down. I'm tired of feeling not enough. I'm tired of being on this endless cycle of striving and performing and never feeling like I can reach what I need to reach and be who I need to be. And when I go back to the truth, when I go back to who God is and who God says I am, that is when I experience true freedom. And so this book is for you, and I am so excited. True Crew for you to go and get your copy of Dare to Be True.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

You can pre order it now.

[Unknown]

I will be including the link in this episode and so you can go and pre order it. It will be coming out this fall. I'm so, so excited and I can't wait. We're going to be doing some really fun series all about some of the content in this book. But you're going to want to get your hands on it because there's some really, really fun special pieces in this book that you can't get in this podcast. So you guys can go and pre order Dare to Be True now if you want to break free from what is breaking you.

[Grace Valentine]

I also think sometimes you need to walk away from friendships. And not because it's unhealthy, but because it's not going where God has called you to. Because we can see in Acts that there's Paul and Barnabas. And I love their story because there are two good men who are doing good things for God's kingdom. And they had a tiff. They had an argument. And so that, you know, Acts, the church is expanding. There's so many cool things happening. Everyone's hearing about Jesus and these are two of the leaders and they got annoyed with each other. And I'm like, that is so relatable. Because there's probably someone that you know or I know who's a good person. And you're like, this girl is great, but I don't know why I'm just getting so annoyed. We have a difference in a certain belief. And they ended up having to, like, walk away from each other. And they said like, hey, you go do your thing, I'll go do my thing. And it was the best thing for God's kingdom.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah.

[Grace Valentine]

And they both went to the people that they felt called to. One felt called to help the Jewish people at that time know about Jesus. And one felt called to go to Gentiles. And so you may have a friendship where it's not even unhealthy. And I think it's so important to realize that not everyone's a villain, that sometimes it's just two people who are not meant to be friends.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah.

[Grace Valentine]

And you may have a friendship where you need to walk away from, but there are times when you have been an unhealthy relationship or Friendship with someone. And you do need to walk away. And I think in those ways, you can do that with grace, but also with kindness that is bold enough to walk away. And there are times when you do need a conversation, when you say, hey, like, this is how I've been hurt and this is what I'm feeling. And we read you in the Bible and scripture that God is a God of peace and he's the author of peace, not confusion. Like we should as believers always be trying to lead people to clarity so that they can't look back. But we have to also remember that closure in our own hearts comes from the Holy Spirit and God closing the door, not from the power that we have from closing the door. So I also think you have to realize if it was unhealthy, that you have all the closure you need. If you have seen and God has revealed their character. You do not want to go back to something when God has already revealed over and over again that it is not wise for you to be with this person. And I know I've done that. And sometimes I think the nice girls get in this situation. We have to remember that we're called to be kind and not nice. And we're like, well, I just. I just don't want her to feel left out. Like, I don't want to be this. And I get that you should always be someone who. You're never better than to invite someone to a big, like, dinner to party with everyone. But at the same time, you have to also say, is this walking towards God's best for me? Is this going to distract me? And I have to look. And sometimes there are people that because of my own sin, I don't do well around them. And I have to say to them, hey, like, this is the gifts. I would love to see you in these spaces. And I always try to connect them to other people that I think are similar if they're trying, at least. But there comes to the peace that comes from realizing God has done everything he has done. I've learned my lesson, and that's okay. It's not unkind to walk away if anything is kind to who God wants me to be and the people that God wants me to say yes to in the future. Yeah, to give myself the space to walk away and even check your heart and be like, why am I caring so much for a friendship that is unhealthy? Like, is it because of social standing? Because we've all been like, that girl. I've been like, in the college sorority Where I'm like, well, this is the cool party group that goes to the fraternity formals. Like, you know, like, what happens if I don't get sae? You know, like, they want to be my friends, and that is a stupid foundation for a friendship. Like, if your foundation for your friendship isn't because you care for each other, then it's not even a friendship. And I think it's also important as believers, sometimes you have to layer people in a different friendship. You have to realize, this is a friend I'm on mission for and not a friend I'm on mission with. And so when I have those moments and I realize, hey, this is a friend that I can't trust. Like, I can give love and grace to this girl because it comes from the cross, but trust comes from wisdom and discernment. So this friend now is a friend that I'm a mission for and not on mission with. And it doesn't mean she's a project. It doesn't mean, oh, look at the little baby who needs help, you know, it just means this is someone that I need to have boundaries with. And I hope that they come to me and confess. I hope that they share their life with me, but I'm not gonna talk about my boundaries with my boyfriend with them, you know, because she probably will gossip about me, and I'm stupid if I keep allowing her to. And so kind of understanding where people lie. And honestly, I love scripture talk so much about this, but Aristotle is someone who has, like, a really good thing on friendships that I talk about in my book, where he says, there's three different layers of friendship. There's friends of convenience, friends of pleasure, and friends of goodness. And I think, honestly, as believers, we forget that our friends of goodness should be those healthy, holy friendships that make us better, that we know what we could call on, that they would pray for us behind our back. They don't gossip about us behind our back consistently. Everyone makes mistakes. And then there's friends of convenience. Those are the co workers you have. You can't just, like, out them and be like, bye, girl. Like, we're not meant to be friends. See you Tuesday. You know, so have those friends of convenience that you have to be around. You want to be friendly, you want to be kind, but you have to have a barrier. And these friends of pleasure, which you might have a hobby, you might be on the soccer team, you might have a sorority in common. And just understanding the level of friendship and creating boundaries that are holy where there needs to be. I don't know. Do you have any advice on that?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

So, no. That's so good. I love that you spoke to that. Because it does take a spirit of discernment. Not all friends are on the same playing field. And it's not that we're being mean by putting them in different categories. It's actually that we're using wisdom from the Spirit because it talks about in proverbs that we should have, you know, relationships. That's like iron sharpening iron. Like, we're. We're meant to both sharpen each other. And if the other person can't sharpen you to look more like Christ. And that's not a friend that you should be going to, asking for advice. That's not a friend that you should be going to, you know, letting them speak into your life. Now, that is a friend. Like, you're saying with. With, you know, hobbies and things, it's like, sure, go shoot hoops and go for a run and go shoot.

[Grace Valentine]

That's Maddie's first thing. I'm like.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

But you know what I mean? Like, it's like, yeah, sure, but there should be boundaries, because that's not. Someone who can, from a spiritual, intimate level with Jesus, should be speaking into your life. And so I love that you spoke to that. I also love that you spoke about the difference between kindness and being nice, because kindness is a fruit of the spirit. Nice is not. And so there is a difference. And if you look at the life of Jesus, Jesus was kind. He wasn't nice. You know, he flip the table. He flipped a table. He caught. He literally spoke to the Pharisees, like, things that I would be embarrassed to ever say to anyone, but it's because he did it in truth, because truth is what sets you free. And I think that so many people are scared in friendships to speak the truth because they think that it's being mean. And the reality is, is that, you know, truth without grace, it is mean. But grace without truth is meaningless. And so we shouldn't just be excusing our friend's sin and being like, I'm just trying to be nice. That's not being kind. And that's not who we're called to be in Christ. As friends, our. Our friendships, we should be calling each other out. We should. I should be like, grace, I see this in your life, and I'm gonna tell you this because I love you and because God has more for you. I'm not doing it to be mean. I'm doing it so that you can love Jesus better. And therefore love people better. And I think we need those kinds of friendships in our life that see the blind sp call us out, to call us higher, not to. Not to be mean. And so I'd love to even ask you more about that. How. How can we go about those moments and have those kinds of conversations where we call our friends out and call them higher, not in a way to humiliate them, but in a way to help them become more holy and more like Jesus? What does that look like for you? Have you had moments like that in your friendships?

[Grace Valentine]

Oh, completely. And I've also had moments where I had to accept that, too.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And that's same on the receiving end. You're like, ouch.

[Grace Valentine]

But I know where I. I had moments where I was was constantly, honestly, like, gossiping all the time, like, and there was. There was one girl who, like, was irking me in a friend group, and I. It's like, anytime she was around, I'd still invite her, but I'd be like, oh, there she is. Like, there she is. She's. She's lying. She's doing this. Like, it just made me truly my worst self. And I had to someone say, like, grace, this is not creating peace. Like, I get it. I see your points, too. I see you're right. But this is not kind. This is not leading us anywhere. Walk away or don't keep talking about this person. And I had to be like, wait, you're right. I'm doing nothing but creating drama. And I also think. I love that you talked about the difference between nice and kind, because it's also a difference between being a peacemaker and a peacekeeper. We're called to make peace, not keep the peace. And so sometimes keeping the peace means letting things slide. And when you actually make peace, you're going to call people up and you're going to call people higher. And so I know there's been times in my life where I've had friends do that. I've also had a friend in the past who it was. We were in college. We both had, like, I had walked away from the party scene, and then this friend was like, I want to. She called me crying. Especially with hookup culture. She goes, starting welcome Week, hold me accountable, hold me accountable. And I'll never forget. Welcome Week came, and she was drunk, and I was, like, sitting just. I always would just take off my makeup so I wouldn't go out. At a certain point, I was like, I will take 10 shots with the gap of six. I need to not do this. And so. And I remember she came in and she was, like, drunk, and she was talking about a hookup. And I was like, oh, no, this is what we talked about. Like, this is what you want me to call you? Higher in. And so the next day, I woke up and I was like, hey, like, this is what you said to me when you were drunk. And this is what you said to me before. I want you to know that you're worth more. Like, I had to also have the empathy of Jesus and realize this girl didn't need me to yell at her. There are some people, and there's sometimes with a friend, we got to be like, dude, you do not need to text that boy back. Stop looking at his Instagram. Hide it. You have to be more stern. But she was going through, like, a different season where I knew that she needed empathy, but I had to also watch her in that moment be like, I don't want it. I said I wanted it, but I don't want it. I want to keep living this way. And that's the hardest part about calling a friend up, is you have to also be, like, be willing to pray for them from afar if they don't accept that in the moment. And so that was a friend I had to separate from for a little bit until, like, God redeemed everything. Like, I prayed for her from afar until he was able to show his light. Because the truth is, sometimes we put so much pressure on how we say things. And like, yes, say something. Speak the spirit. And the Spirit does involve words. I think sometimes we as Christians are like, okay, if. If you know, use your actions, and if needed, use words. But you do need words to lay the Spirit. But sometimes you also need to just let God be God. And, like, you say where you stand and also trust God to redeem and work with the Holy Spirit and pray from afar if people feel like they're accepting it. And so I would encourage anyone who feels like they have friends or they have walked away, ask friends for accountability and just also discern that friendship. Like, are they struggling with pride? Then they might need you to be a little more stern, just like Jesus was with the Pharisees. Like, he was way more certain than the Pharisees, than he was with the woman at the well, you know, and so discern the gentleness needed. Like, gentleness will be needed in all you do. But at the same time, you know, don't forget that empathy with certain people. And then don't be afraid to just also say, hey, I spoke this I'm here for that person. Make your presence known and be able to pray from afar, from a friend that you feel like is walking away, too.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah. And those conversations are never comfortable or easy, but most of the time, you will feel more connected to that person when you are honest and when you do and when it's prayed up. Like, I would never go into the conversation like that, where, you know, you need to call someone out of their sin without inviting the Holy Spirit into that moment. You need to have the Holy Spirit in that moment. And first of all, for, like, what you're saying, that we do it with grace and with empathy and that it's not coming across judgmental. Most of the time, I try to. When I head into a confrontational moment. Holy Spirit, I need you. Holy Spirit, I'm inviting you into this conversation. I'm inviting you into this moment. I pray because even sometimes this comes in, you know, with family members, and it's like, okay, I. This person's gonna be in my life for the rest of my life. You know what I mean? Or, like, with your spouse, it's like, I've got to use a lot of grace and discernment right now. But I also, like, in order for this friendship to continue or this relationship to continue or for me to not have bitterness and resentment in my own heart, I've got to confess how I'm feeling, and I've got to call out what I'm seeing in them that I know could lead them to a holier life. But then there's also the moments where, you know, reverse this. We get called out, and that's hard. You know, oh, I can. And that's hard. So let's talk about that. When someone who loves Jesus and loves you calls you out and says, hey, I see this, and it's not godly and it's not cute. You need to work on it. How should we respond in that moment and how should we leave from that conversation? Like, what should be our processing from that conversation?

[Grace Valentine]

I think we are always called as believers to have a curious posture, like. And so being eager to hear what another believer has to say. And so don't be afraid to ask questions. I think sometimes you want to just say, okay, you think I'm doing this. Okay, let me take time to pray about it. And then you sit there and you're like, well, what? I need examples. I need. I need. Where are the proof? Let me see the receipts. What was it doing? What about the time she did this? And so don't be Afraid in that moment when you feel like someone's calling you up to be like, can you. Can you give me an example of a time I fell short in this area? Like, I. I hear you. I want to hear more about this. And then giving yourself to the time to pray so that your pride doesn't answer yes. Because sometimes our human reaction based on the brokenness in the world is our pride's answer. Our pride will say, no, you don't know what I'm going through. You don't get this. You're doing this yourself. And so making sure your pride takes a back seat means that you have to sometimes, you know, we. The scripture says, he must increase and I must decrease. It goes hand in hand. He must. You must decrease at the same time so he can increase.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

That's so good.

[Grace Valentine]

So you have to pray afterwards and be like, hey, Lord, let me decrease. Let my pride take a back seat. And also be thankful for it. I would encourage you, even if it's a hard conversation, even if you don't see what they're saying, to say, thank you for coming to me. Thank you for being, like, courageous enough to share this with me. And I'm gonna pray about this. And also talking to another other why spiritual mentors and being very honest about the conversation. And very honest where you fell short, too. Because I think sometimes what will happen with Christian circles is someone will say, hey, this is what I see in you. Then we'll go tell another Christian, but we'll change the story a little bit. We'll be like, we'll leave out a couple details that matter. Like, she thinks I'm, you know, partying too much, but I really was just only taking, like, I was just only drinking wine, but secretly there was like, a couple shots. And, you know, you just change the narrative. And so you, when you live with lies in your heart, you will never become sharpened, you'll never become better, because the enemy lives there. Like, when the. He's the author of lies. And so if that is what is in your heart, you're going to miss out on opportunity to be better. And so I know for me, there's been so many times in my life where I have to also find friends that I trust, that I don't get worried if I admit my, like, falling shorts because we've all been hurt by a friend where we trust them. And even sometimes the Christian believers, where they mean well, but then we confess them into them and they may have told someone else. And so remembering that hopefully that this is a Friend that you feel safe with and not safe in your sin. Not that your sin will be laughed at, but safe in a desire to be convicted.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah.

[Grace Valentine]

And finding joy in that.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

That's so good, man. So many things that you spoke to that I thought was. Was so powerful. And I love what you just ended with of like, not. It's not that you're excusing sin or that your sin is safe. Like, as friends, we should always call each other out. But at the same time, you know, when someone confesses sin to you, that's probably not necessarily the initial moment to be like, how could you do that? Yeah, like, that's not how we respond. But rather what I've seen to be the most, most helpful is to have a heart. Posture of Romans 8:1. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. That sin doesn't define you. That sin doesn't mark you. That's not who you are. God actually has so much more for your life, and I want to see you live it. I want to see you experience it. And so how can I, as your friend, hold you accountable in that? How can I, as your friend, pray for you in that? And I think that should be the response that we have when our friends come to us and confess. And I love that you are talking about when you confess, confess fully. That's so important because a lot of times we can confess what we're comfortable with confessing. Hey, I. I kind of messed up a little bit. And then we excuse it, you know, or we give, like, a justification, you know, I kind of messed up a little bit. But, like, here's the reason and here's why I did that. And, man, there is not true freedom when we only confess partially. There's true freedom when we confess fully. And we. And we invite that person into our mess and our sin so that then they can come in, they can speak scripture over us, they can pray over us. And it says in James 5, that's where we will be healed. And so we have to confess fully in order for the Holy Spirit to come and to remove those lies or those things, those secrets. Like. Like, secrets are scary. Secrets are dangerous. We shouldn't be living with any secrets. There should be people who know everything about our life. And when we do something, even if it's like, in our eyes, oh, it's not that big of a deal. At least it wasn't that. It's like, no, if. If there's anything that you know is not of God or from God in your life, that's something that should be confessed. Like, hey, I had this thought today and I know it wasn't godly. Hey, I had this feeling today and I know that's not me having a pure heart. And so I want to confess that to you. And I have those friends in my life locally that I do day to day life with that I'm like, hey, I, I shouldn't have, I shouldn't have thought felt this way, you know, towards my husband today. And he did something that frustrated me. But my reaction was just as sinful, my reaction was just as wrong. And this is how I was feeling about it. And so I just need to confess to you. Like, will you please be praying and will you hold me accountable in this? And I think that's so important in friendships.

[Grace Valentine]

Like, and I love that you say secrets are not from God. Like, they're not. They're gonna almost keep you bondage. But I do want to make it clear that there's a difference between secrecy and privacy. Like, there are some things in life that you want to keep private with your wise counsel, with the people who have your best interests in heart. And then there's sometimes things in life that are so, like, they're private moments. You're like, this isn't a secret, but I'm only sharing this while I grow with these believers, with these people in my life. And then there's also things that are secret. And that means you're telling no one, that you're bringing no godly people or you're only telling people who you know won't call you higher or won't call you. Yeah, because that's also true.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

That happens for a lot of us. Like, it is. It's like, oh, I'm telling you because I know you won't. Don't like actually call me out and I can keep doing the thing that I'm doing.

[Grace Valentine]

And what's cool about what Jesus too is. And I think even the way, and I know we already talked about the way we approach our friends when they're going through something is he uses a lot of questions. When someone was going to sign with the woman at the well with someone. And I think it's so easy for us to want to jump the gun, especially even when you see your friend. Because I, when I see my friend go back to her ex boyfriend again, I'm like, you have got to be kidding me. Like, I want like this guy who did this, I want to just like shout that from the rooftop. But she will listen a lot better If I ask her questions and I'll also be able to see her heart a little more. And so just the idea too of hopefully in these conversations, it's not just a one way street or someone screaming at someone, it's hopefully conversation saying, hey, remember how he did this? Like what made you feel confident to go back to him? Like, what have you been busy with this week? Have you been really bored in your life? Like have you felt behind? Like, why are you doing this totally when you're worth more. Do you remember when you told me this? Like, what are some just things that you see in him that are husband and suddenly they'll see it for themselves, Especially if they're someone who claims to want to know Jesus? Because a lot of times when you're explaining things out loud, you're like, this isn't good. I know I had a point where I was dating someone who wasn't that great. And my, it was one of my good guy friends and like my friend now. And they were like, grace, what? So tell me three good things you see about him. And I'm like, well he's Dan, like.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

You know, standing tall.

[Grace Valentine]

Okay, yeah, I know. And so I had to be like, wait, no, this is not something good. And it convicted me in a way that was gentle, in the same way Jesus did with a lot of times people who are going through shame. And so, and I love that you said there was no condemnation. And like it's so true. But yeah, no, it's so important because.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

In that John, I think it's John chapter eight, where Jesus is. Catches this woman in the act of adultery. And you were kind of touching on this point, but he, he meets her where she's at. At, right? Like he, he meets her where she's at. He. He calls out everyone else who's judging her and condemning her. So he's meeting her with grace and with compassion. But he doesn't leave her in her sin. He actually says, hey, what you're doing is wrong, now go and sin no more. And so he calls her out to call her higher, but he also met her with grace. And I think it's, it is that like both and you need grace and you need truth. You need love and you need truth, you need compassion and you need truth. And so I think that that is so true. And, and I think one thing we were kind of talking about a little bit earlier that I'd love to touch on a little bit more because I do think that this is so toxic in our friendships. It completely Destroys our relationships is gossip. And we've. We've touched on it a little bit, but I think that people overlook it or they excuse it as like, oh, no, but I'm just, I'm telling you, like, my situation. Like, I'm just telling you what's going on. I'm just like, I just need your advice. Like, I just want to know, like, what you think about it. And I would love to hear your thoughts on what is the difference between asking someone that you trust and that has the Holy Spirit, their advice on how to handle a conflict or tension that you're experiencing in another relationship versus going to them and it becoming gossipy? Like, what's the difference between asking for wisdom and advice versus allowing it to be gossip about the situation or a person?

[Grace Valentine]

Well, I think it's one. It's good if you're even trying to, like, see the difference, because I think sometimes we just want to excuse our sin and we want to be like, whoa, this is how I feel. I think also you can talk about how you feel, but not creating any narratives or names for the person. I think at the end of the day, any name calling that isn't that this is a child of God or someone that God wants to be a child of God will never go anywhere. So when you start saying, like, she's a liar, she's a especially, I think sometimes, you know, with friends, she slept with this person, she did this. Those things can be true. But make sure that the way that you're talking about that person is still in a way that reminds you that that is someone God created, that God loves, even if you don't love them right now. And I know for me, like, when I have friends that come with me or if I go to friends and I'm telling a story about someone who really hurt me or someone in my life who has frustrated me. I don't lay it all out, but I lay it all my feelings out. There I go. I'm feeling this way. This is the situation. And also the idea of we should only be telling maybe our board of directors as friends. Like, there might be only, like three people who need to hear the story. And there might be. It should be one mentor, one current peer in your life who may know both of you, and then someone from your church. And I truly believe that's all the people who need to hear. Sometimes we want to tell the whole friend group, but what good is that going to do? And so just remember, what is your goal? Like, what is your goal? Is your Goal to have peace in your life is your goal to vent is your goal so that other people don't like her and don't hang out with her. And I've had moments where my goal of telling these people so that they would ditch that girl and not be friends with her, I'm like, choose team Grace. Like team Grace all the way. Like, don't be team her. And that's not a goal. That's holy.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah.

[Grace Valentine]

And so if the goal is for me to better myself and better my faith and better my patience, then I need to lay that out and make that clear. And it starts with being honest too. In those moments of. I remember in college, I had a friend who classic friend group in college thing. One girl, her roommate started dating her ex boyfriend. Like, you know, we've all seen that happen and that was the situation. They lived together and the whole friend group knew about it. And it came to the point where, although that was such a horrible thing, I. I think we forgot, we lost sight that this was someone that God loved. And she was, was a girl who's insecure. And I'm not saying that person did anything wrong by telling us because it was a fact. We all saw it. Like, she didn't even have to tell us for us to see. But the way that we handled that situation wasn't always loving and wasn't kind. And so I think just making sure, like your words are once again going back to Philippians where it says whatever's true, whatever is right, whatever is doable, whatever's. Just think on these things, speak on these things. Like, this should be the way you talk about people. And so I've had situations where, you know, everyone's been around that girl who they think is lying all the time. You know, like, oh, you've been on, you know, the Voice and you've done this and there's no video footage and like, you know, you're right. Like, and I've had to be moments of being like, okay, am I right? Yes. And I can maybe say, hey, I'm frustrated and I have discernment against this person. Like that says that I don't need to be friends with this person. But me being right and telling everyone that I think this girl's a liar is going to do nothing good. And I've been busted for that before. Then that's my, you know, reputation is talking about girl, how I view them. And so remembering is it talking about what happened or how you view them and what's the ultimate goal in that Conversation. And that's what we have to keep in mind. Mind.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

What's the ultimate goal of this conversation? I love that, because I think that's such a powerful reminder. And scripture talks about it. Like, I just. Seriously, I. I want everyone listening to understand, like, how dangerous gossip is. It talks about it so much in Scripture. It talks about the power of our words so much in Scripture. Like, are my words building the kingdom of God, or are my words building the kingdom of darkness? Am I advancing the name of Jesus, or am I tearing down a person who was made in the very image of God?

[Grace Valentine]

Amen.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And you have to view it that way. You have to understand that our words are weighty. We will give an account one day for our words. And so, like it talks about in scripture, godless chatter. Like, it makes us more and more ungodly every single time we engage in it. We become more and more ungodly every single time we engage in it. And so we should be constantly checking ourselves and asking the Holy Spirit to convict us. Hey, Lord, will you, like, just, like, shed a spotlight on my heart? Anytime I start talking about someone that is not. It's not beautiful, it's not godly, it's not fruitful, it's not for their betterment or for those who are listening. If it's unwholesome talk, will you just convict me in that moment so that I know, okay, I shouldn't do that again, like, and. And then I need to go and confess to. To someone that I just talked bad about someone, and I need them to hold me accountable that I don't give into gossip. And so that. That is something we should understand the weight of that. It's not something to. To. To tread lightly, because I see it. It genuinely breaks my heart. Like, I'll go out to. To dinner with Grant or with some friends or whatever, and I will see so many girls at dinner together.

[Grace Valentine]

They're.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Their whole conversation is talking about other people. Their whole conversation is centered around, did you see what this person did? Did you hear about this? Oh, my gosh, I have to tell you about this. And it's even such a thing that's, you know, a joke on social media. Today is like when my. When my friend calls me and tells me that she has tea to spill. And then it's like busting through the door because you can't wait to hear.

[Grace Valentine]

The tea or this. And hearing hometown drama from eighth grade. I mean, how that one girl's doing, it's crazy.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

It's like everyone wants to Know the tea. And there's this, like, excitement around, like, spilling tea and gossiping, but you never leave feeling safe. You never leave feeling better. You never leave feeling even closer with the friend that you just engaged all of that with.

[Grace Valentine]

It's a false idol of friendship. Yeah, you'll feel closer, but the truth is you will never trust each other. Because at the end of the day, if they're gossiping about others, they're probably gossiping about you. And I've seen recently, like, like a college campus deal with this really bad. And you will only destroy your life if you are speaking destruction. You will start getting more insecure when I gossip more about people, what they're doing, what they look like, like, who they're. Who they're kissing, who they're doing, whatever. Like, I will be more insecure about my own life. And suddenly I'm like, what do people say about me? And when I am confident enough to not care about the chatter or the godless chatter and can talk about things that actually matter to me and my conversations and my foundation for my friends and dinner with them isn't based on who so and so, like, slept with this weekend or so and so's mistake or so and so's worst day. And I think as, as believers, we have to remember if we are laughing at someone's worst day, worst hour, because sometimes those things can be true. And it could be what happened or what we think is true, what happened. But if that's someone's lowest moment, we should be sad. And we do not need to be laughing in a corner at a Mexican restaurant in our hometown. And if it breaks God's heart, it should break our heart. And it shouldn't be something we participate in or keep the communication going with. We should be reaching out with love and not just sitting there, like, yapping about it. And I've seen that in my own life. And I also, just of kind, just get so insecure when I do it. And so I think I would encourage anyone who, yeah, if you're gossiping, you know, you probably are insecure about who's gossiping about you. You probably look at your stats on social media and see who sent that to people. And you're probably a little anxious because you send those things to people and you make fun of people too, you know, and, yeah, you have to convict your own heart, but also realize it's only going to destroy your own confidence in your own life because the people who truly are on, like, have the confidence of Christ and don't Care what people think. They're living a loving life and not wasting their time trying to prove they're worth loving. They're usually not gossiping. They're focused on what God has for them. If you look to the left and to the right of what everyone else is doing, you're gonna miss out on the blessings God has for you in your presence. So don't miss out on it because you're so busy looking at who so and so is with or what so and so got for Christmas and talking about so and so from your hometown. Look forward to what God has for you. And I look. And even if you've been gossiped about, like I had resentment going into my high school reunion. I had to plan my high school reunion last summer. 10 years. Woohoo. Shout out south Louisiana. And it was. There was a girl there who had literally still like, still tweets about me to say like an ex friend, like as of like three years ago. I remember she still tweeted about me and I was resenting her. As I walked in, I was like, there she is. I'm just gonna call her Carly. That's not her name. And suddenly my whole like the setting, I was throwing this party, I was so excited to see so many people I hadn't seen in forever. And all I could think about was when Carly stepped in, you know, and my encounter with Carly and I realized that that even ruined my life. Like I was gossiping about her, gossiping about me. And it caused something that could have been fun to be. Be anxious and not what God had. So it's important that you remember you shouldn't care about what other people doing. You should care about what God has for you and what God wants and how he wants you to love. And you should care about what other people are saying about you. You should find your confidence in Christ and realize it's only going to destroy your night. It's going to destroy your friendships. It's going to destroy your confidence if you participate in it. And if you also look towards it and look at what people are saying.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Man, that's so good. Because it can be so easy when someone has wronged you to carry like a bitterness or resentment or like a I'm pay, I'm gonna pay you back. I'm gonna make know what you did to me. And so they view you worse than I view you. Like they feel what I feel. And scripture is so clear, do not repay evil for evil like we, we should. It talks about everything with Jesus is a flipped Mindset, it's everything anti world. It's everything anti culture. So when culture says, you know, if. If they. If they mess you up, mess them up more.

[Grace Valentine]

Karma's gonna come.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Karma's gonna come. It's like, man, at the end of the day, like Jesus, the Lord says, vengeance is mine. And so we are to forgive, we are to love, love, we are to show mercy, we are to be kind. That is our role and our responsibility. And we have to trust that if they are in the wrong, if they are sinning against us and also sinning against other children of God, God will take care of that person. That's between them and God. That's not a us, I gotta fix you situation. If it's not a friendship. If it's a friendship, it's like, hey, then I should sit down and I should talk with you about how you're hurting me and see if we can be reconciled. But if it's someone who's just bent out on hurting you and saying mean things about you, you know, that is not someone that you want to be doing life with. But it's also not, you know, going to push you closer to Jesus or make you a holy person if you're carrying bitterness and resentment towards that person in your own heart. And so recognizing and realizing at the end of the day, only God can change hearts at the end of the day, like, that is not my role and responsibility to convict that person, to change that person, to fix that person. I have to worry about myself. Therefore, I need to pray for God to, you know, make my heart holy and purify my heart that is full of anger and bitterness and frustration and resentment. And I've had to work that out in so many of my friendships. And even, like, what's. What's hard is. Is like, that makes sense with someone who doesn't really know Jesus. What's really hard is when it's friends who know Jesus, and you're like, wait, but you're supposed to be for me, and I'm for you.

[Grace Valentine]

They're talking about it.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah. You feel guilty.

[Grace Valentine]

What?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Like, we all part of the same body here. We're all. We're all going after the same thing. So, like, why is there competition? Why is there gossip? Why is there this? And it can be really hard to be on the receiving end. I mean, I. I've talked about this on the podcast, but when I felt like God called me to go on the Bachelor. Are you kidding? You know how many people in the church talked about me?

[Grace Valentine]

You know, how many?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

You know, I was the hottest top in Alabama. In Alabama, my mom, Mary. And it wasn't the kindest words. It's like, oh, if Maddie really loved God, do you think she would go on a show like that? Like, oh, did you hear that, Maddie?

[Grace Valentine]

And the same people applying in their basement.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Same people. And it's. And that's what's so crazy is like the same people who were so, you know, like testifying to how intimate my relationship was with Jesus just because what I felt God was calling me to that looked out of the box. Like now all of a sudden they've turned their backs on me and they're gossiping about me. And I had to really, really deal with that in my heart. Like, I carried a lot of hurt that then turned into resentment. And that made me like boost myself up more with pride and be like, you know, well, you know, look at what God's doing in my life.

[Grace Valentine]

Ha.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

You. And, and like wishing harm upon them. And I was just like, man, this is actually like you've spoken to. This is hurting me. This is hurting my relationship with Jesus. And it's creating distrust for any future intimate, Jesus loving relationships in my life. Because now I'm going into it with these walls up that I don't really trust people. Again, I don't really trust you. Like I've, I've been gossiped about in the past, so now I don't really trust, you know, anyone moving forward. And so I had to really deal with that monster of bitterness and resentment and, and like hurt in my own life. And I'd love to ask, like, when it comes to friendship and we've been hurt in the past by other friends, how can we then go into future friendships with hope and with trust and not have these walls up and not have this distrust in our heart just waiting for someone to mess up or let us down.

[Grace Valentine]

Well, and I love that story that you just shared because it reminds me like there's friend breakups in our past that, that have put us through it. And you once trusted that person. They were once your cheerleader. They. You had good memories, you had spring break, you know, you, you had a great time. You knew their mom. Like, you know, y' all were like tight. And I've had those moments with these friends that it feels like that. And I truly. Even that girl Carly at the reunion, which once again, that's not her real name, I had to like start praying for. Not just it says pray for your enemies, but I pray, I pray she finds a Great Christian man. I pray she gets a job that's so successful. I pray for her best day. I pray for her to have that wedding, her to have beautiful kids that like, love the Lord. Praying for all that so that when good things happen, this resentment reminds me that, like, hey, that's what I wanted. God was listening to my prayers. And so I think sometimes we always seek closure before we go to the next relationship. But the truth is, the closure we want is we want that person to apologize. We want that person to say, hey, I was wrong, I was really mean. I did this, this, this. And you are the best person ever. And that's never going to be how life works. That's never how closure comes in those ex friendships or those people who have hurt us. When you have these walls built up, you have to remember that closure comes from Christ, that we're called to wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and he will strengthen our heart. We're called to wait on the Lord for the closure, to trust that he's going to show us why he closed the doors that we wanted so bad to open. He's going to show us why that one girl that we wanted to be friends with keeps ghosting us. He's going to show us why that wasn't meant to be so that we can walk boldly to what he has for us. And so. So it's important before you walk towards God's new blessings that you realize that closure was never going to come from a text message. It was never going to come from someone admitting they were wrong. It was always going to come from trusting that God will be God, that God's going to avenge, that God's going to show you conversations or show you why he closed those doors because he heard conversations you didn't hear. We've all heard that quote. And you have to trust that he is going to lead you to better things.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah.

[Grace Valentine]

And the better things doesn't mean that that's a better person, but it means that, like, we hurt. Like, I love the scripture. It says God withholds no good things from those who walk upright, but also says the Lord is a son and a shield. And so I love that it says he's a son and a shield because it says basically, he blesses us, he will bring life to us, he will help us grow, but he's also going to shield us from things that are not meant to be. So you can look at your past hurts and you can be like, wow, that sucked. And it probably did suck. But you can also realize that God was closing doors that were never meant to be open and he was protecting you from other things. So when you have those friendship breakups, when you have been hurt, hurt by people, whether they're close to you, whether they're just that random person at the church who prays and is on the volunteer team and isn't kind to you, whatever it may be, you have to trust that God is doing something new, that you don't need to look back on those things, but you need to trust that he's using all those things for your betterment, for your good and his glory. And I look back and I'm sure you relate to this too now. Like, we, you know, we've grown since those moments of friend breakups or those people in our past who talked about us. And I am so much kinder for it. I am so much better for that. Like, thank you, Carly in high school, who I'm sure is doing amazing now, who taught me so much because of.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

All those prayers you prayed for. She's.

[Grace Valentine]

She is driving, she's doing good, and she looks.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And that's also the thing is, right.

[Grace Valentine]

I want her to do well now. Even though I didn't want to pray that prayer each 50 times at first, suddenly now I really do go on Instagram and I look her up and I hope she's doing well.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And that's what prayer does. You want it to change the person, and it ends up changing you. Your heart ends up getting right with God. God. When you want the situation to get right, and God's like, no, I got some things in your heart that I want to do. And even if there's a lot of things they're doing wrong, there's still going to be some things in our hearts that are wrong, too. And when we start praying for that person, blessing for them, not God, you know, strike them down, you show them what she's doing. Vengeance is yours, you say, you know, so avenge me. That's not the kind of prayers we're talking about, like, genuinely praying blessing over them, praying that God reveals more of his himself to them, praying that God, yes, pours out his favor upon them, praying that God moves powerfully on their behalf. And I had a situation like that that I. It was a close friend of mine, and we were all a part of the same friend group. And for whatever reason, like, she just. We always had tension. There was always, like, always that one all.

[Grace Valentine]

Yeah.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And it was just like, I couldn't understand it. And I felt like I kept Trying to, like, extend, like, the. The. The Whatever you call it. Like, Like, I was just trying to always make amends and do the right thing, and it was just exhausting because I was like, I keep trying, and you just always seem mad at me for something, you know, and you're gossiping about me to the other friends in the friend group, and it's just creating all this division. And it was really, really hard. Like, I was growing in so much resentment in my heart, and I was always finding, like, I would, you know, get on Instagram and see her doing something, and I would find something that I'm just like, of course, you know.

[Grace Valentine]

She did that, and sure, she's that brunch with all the girls without me.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Of course, you know, this is what she. She's saying, and that's not true. And I'm just, like, building all of this up in my heart, and it's so ungodly, you know, I'm mad at her for doing something that's ungodly while I'm being ungodly. And it's. It's this, like, ironic thing. And I remember Grant really challenged me and convicted me in the same thing that you're saying. Pray blessing over her. Pray blessing over. And just.

[Unknown]

And.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And if God wants that friendship to be reunited, if God wants to reconcile you guys, he will. And if not, that's okay. And God will use her, and God will use you, and you guys can just be at peace from afar, you know, maybe at least, like, you have peace in your heart, even if she doesn't in hers. And it began to change my. It changed my heart. Like, I was like, I don't have. Like, now I can watch her stories. And we didn't get reconciled. We're not like, a strong friendship again.

[Grace Valentine]

That's more realistic.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

But I have peace in my heart. You know, I'm like, I don't have any resentment. I love you, and I pray God blesses you, and I pray that, you know, whatever. And I think that that's so important to talk about because for a lot of us, we. We really struggle with that, and we want to see our enemies fall, and we want to see, you know, those who have hurt us get hurt and, you know, suffer like we've suffered. And so I think that's such a good point of just praying for your enemies. Bless your enemies, Love your enemies, those who have hurt you. It talks about Jesus, you know, challenges, you know, all of us, and says in. In the book of Matthew, he's like, hey, if if someone you know takes you to court, if someone you know asks for your shirt, give them your.

[Grace Valentine]

Oh, I hate. You know, I don't hate that verse, but that's one of those verses.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

So convicting someone slaps you on one cheek, you know, turn to the other cheek.

[Grace Valentine]

I used to think, like, turn away. I used to take that the way I want to be, like, turn away. Like, leave them and show your other cheek that you. And that's even, like, when I talk about my book in the Better Friend is the idea as a Christian, there's going to be time when you're the better friend. And it's so annoying because we want to be tick for tack with people. We're like, I want to give 50 and I want them to give 50. I want this to be an equal partnership. But the truth is, as the believer, as someone who has the Holy Spirit Spirit, you're going to notice when that friend only can give you 20 and you're going to give 80. And you shouldn't resent them for that. You should be able to be like, hey, I'm gonna live this radically, unreasonably loving life. And that means even that girl in that friend group who's not your friend, you're still going to be kinder to her than she might be to you, right? And you can't hold tick for tack and hold records of wrong because love holds no records of wrongs. And so you have to be at peace with, hey, I don't need to feel pathetic when I gave more. I don't need to feel pathetic that I tried harder. I don't need to feel pathetic that I reached out to that girl, girl from a bass, and she doesn't want to hang out with me. I need to celebrate that that's Christ in me, that I tried hard. But I need to also realize that this pathetic feeling I feel isn't from God. And I need to trust that these are good characteristics of me and I can learn how to trust wisely but also still love radically. And so, like Grant said, with that friendship, like, hey, yeah, you probably aren't going to trust that girl anymore, but you're still going to love her radically. You're still not going to talk about her and slander her name. You could be on this podcast now, be like, oh, my gosh, here he is. Here's details. And people would find her. But you're not gonna do that because you're loving radically and trusting wisely and don't feel pathetic when you gave more in Those moments just feel Christ in you.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

That's so good. I'd love to close this podcast kind of now shifting into how to build healthy godly friendships. Like what? And. And you talk about this in the subtitle of your book, but what are ways we can. Can shift from these surface level friendships to more deeper, meaningful friendships that are godly?

[Grace Valentine]

I think being willing to show up, even with long distance friendship, it doesn't mean physically show up. I think you have to be the one who's willing to. I had a friend who I'll never forget. This was about like three, four years ago. So I'm like, broke. I worked at a church. You know, I'm like scraping money by. And I remember she lost her father and that was like. And it was a long battle with cancer. And I remember being like, I don't know what to say or do. Like, this is awkward. Like, I. I just. I'm sometimes bad at those conversations. And I think you probably relate to this too. Or if you're the Christian girl, sometimes you think people think you have the best answers and you're like, no, this is awful. This is broken. This is sad. This is messy. And I remember my dad was like, you just need to go to the funeral. And it was like four hours away. And I was like, okay, I'm not even gonna tell her. I'm just gonna go to the funeral. And she saw me, and she later said that she was like, upset with me because she. She knew I hadn't said anything, but I just felt like I could never say the right thing. But when she saw me at the funeral, funeral, that changed our friendship forever. That. That was a moment. She was like, you know, I knew you were willing to just drive without even telling me. And so I think we get so busy that we miss out on actually being a blessing in our life. And so I think never be too busy for your friends and for the people that got a place in your life. That, yes, we have work. Yes, it is hard. There's. You have a list of excuses to not show up or to call that friend on that drive, but why not call that friend that you haven't talked to in forever? Why not check in. Why not check in on her after the breakup even though you have two kids, like, why not not send her a cake? I remember going through a situationship, and that same friend sent me a cake from the Cheesecake Factory Uber Eats. And that meant so much. I'm like, thank you for allowing me to cry about a guy I didn't even date. Like that means a lot. And I think just realizing that friendship does like we all. Bob Goff I love the book. Love does like Love does like, you will have to show up. And it's so easiest for us to get so comfortable. And obviously there's grace when we're in seasons where we're busy, low maintenance friendships are important. But then end of the day, like, like love and radical love is so crucial. And we'll take a friendship to the next level. So don't be afraid to be that. And just remember, love holds other records of wrongs too. So if you want a deep friendship, you're gonna have to give a lot of grace and you're gonna have to realize, hey, you know, my friend just had a baby. Like things look differently for her. I, how can I meet her and I'll go to her house while she does laundry? Or my friend is dating and dating is hard in 2025. How can I show up for her in this dating culture without making her feel like a burden? And so just realizing that you're gonna have to give unreasonable grace in those moments and that it's never going to be 50, 50. Sometimes you can give 80 and sometimes the other person can give 70, and that's going to take what it. It's going to be. Love holds the records of wrongs.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

So good, so true.

[Grace Valentine]

Do you have any truth on that?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And well, just to go off of what you're saying is, it talks about in scripture how we are to lay our lives down for our friends. Like that's what it looks like to, to love. And Jesus showed us that true love, love was through sacrifice, that true love was through giving. God says, for God so loved the world that he gave. Love is connected to giving. And so if we say we love our friends, there should be a giving and, and a giving up of our time and a giving up of ourself and a giving up of maybe convenience. You know, like, that's good. I mean, the, the reality is, is there's going to be some times where my friends are going through something and it feels like it's the most inconvenient time in the world for me to like spend an hour and a half on the phone and, and just listen, listen, you know, not even have all these, like, you're saying all these amazing things to say, but just to be a listening ear and then to pray at the end, it's like, hey, I, I really, let's ask the Holy Spirit, like what he wants to speak because honestly, I don't know what to say and I don't know if I have the best advice, but right now I'm just going to ask the Holy Spirit to, to. To convict you or the Holy Spirit to encourage you or the Holy Spirit to comfort you. And there's just so many moments or when my friend's going through something or when my friend has lost someone, you know, to, to drive to the funeral or to get the cake or to, you know, like, friendship is going to come with inconvenience and friendship is going to come with sacrifice, but it's so worth it. We were made for community and to have the kind of community that God has, you know, desired for us to have and created us to have, it's going to come with sacrifice and it's going to require us to give and to give a lot and for there to be moments where we're giving way more than we're receiving. And I love that you pointed that out. This has been so good. This has been such a good conversation and truly so life giving to me. And I'm so grateful for the friend that you are and to the friend that you are to so many. And I know that a lot of people have asked questions about what we've talked about today, and a lot of people have wondered, you know, how to deal with the friend breakups and how to, how to walk away when there's a gossip situation and it's awkward and you don't know how to handle it. You know, how to deal with, you know, friends where, you know you need to call them out, but you're really scared or whatever it may be. And we've talked about so many things that I know was very, very helpful to those listening. And so I'm so thankful that you came on. I'm so thankful for this book that you've written that I know is going to be such a blessing and a gift. So many people. And so for those of you who are listening and watching, I will be linking the Better Friend Grace's new book to this podcast. And so you guys can go and check it out and, and, and read it for yourself as you unpack so many more things and dive much deeper into what we were even able to cover on this podcast. So thank you. Stay True is so much better because of you and, and that you came on. So thanks for coming on.

[Grace Valentine]

Thank you for having me on, friend.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

As always, guys, we love you and we want to know how, how this podcast blessed you. We want to know what you took away. We want to know what you want to hear next, and so be sure to DM us. And if you have any more questions on friendships or any more questions on God and you want to get closer to God or you want to give your life to God, then let us know dms. And as always, guys, be sure to stay you stay true. We love you.

[Unknown]

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