MARRIAGE: successful COMMUNICATION & healthy CONFLICT with Jeanine and Kaleb Ward & Grant Troutt

Summary

Podcast Summary: "MARRIAGE: Successful COMMUNICATION & Healthy CONFLICT with Jeanine and Kaleb Ward & Grant Troutt"

Stay True with Madison Prewett Troutt dives deep into the intricacies of marriage, emphasizing effective communication and managing healthy conflict. In this heartfelt episode, host Madison Pruitt Troutt sits down with her best friends, Jeanine Ward, Caleb Ward, and her husband, Grant Troutt, to explore their personal experiences and insights on maintaining a strong, godly marriage.

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1. Introduction: Setting the Stage

The episode kicks off with Madison expressing her excitement about hosting her close friends Jeanine, Caleb, and Grant. Their camaraderie sets a warm and authentic tone for the discussion ahead.

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2. The Journey to Marriage: Their Story

Madison shares the unique story of how her husband Grant and Jeanine became a couple, highlighting their deep-rooted friendships and divine timing.

• Jeanine's Perspective: Reflecting on her initial fears about marriage, Jeanine admits, "I thought marriage was like my life ending... goodbye to your freedoms..." [09:00]. However, her experience has been the complete opposite, describing marriage as "so much better than I ever imagined. It's so fun..." [09:35].

• Grant's Journey: Grant recounts his initial challenges, particularly adjusting to shared spaces and responsibilities. He humorously shares, "I've made the bed 19 days in a row, and my life has changed..." [15:28], illustrating his commitment to acts of service.

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3. The Early Months: Communication and Conflict

Being newly married for nine months, Jeanine and Grant discuss the typical conflicts that arise and how they've navigated them.

• Recognizing Individual Differences: Jeanine talks about adapting to living together, saying, "I realize how selfish I was... becoming my dad..." [12:45], highlighting personal growth through shared experiences.

• Conflict Styles: The conversation delves into their initial conflict styles, with Grant humorously admitting, "I escalate. I throw the Dr. Pepper... and then I whip." [20:33], while Jeanine identifies herself as an invalidator and escalator.

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4. Strategies for Healthy Conflict

Madison introduces the concept of the "PAUSE" strategy to manage conflicts effectively.

• PAUSE Acronym:
  • P is Pray: "Take a second, pray together." [32:05]
  • A is Affirm: "Let's affirm the relationship. I love you." [32:05]
  • U is Understand: "Seek to understand rather than to be right." [32:05]
  • S is Seek a Solution: "How can we work towards reconciliation?" [32:05]
  • E is Evaluate: "How can we learn from this situation?" [32:05]

Jeanine emphasizes the transformative power of prayer in conflicts: "Praying for them... it really, really helps." [36:36].

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5. The Role of Prayer and Faith

Prayer emerges as a cornerstone in their marriage, fostering forgiveness and understanding.

• Jeanine's Experience: "I just pray... it'll change everything." [36:18] She shares how prayer softens her demeanor and facilitates reconciliation.

• Grant's Growth: Grant discusses overcoming the urge to win arguments, inspired by Proverbs: "A soft answer turns away wrath... when you're soft with your spouse, we get somewhere." [37:16].

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6. Understanding Submission and Leadership

The conversation tackles the often-misunderstood concept of submission within a Christian marriage framework.

• Janine's Insights: "Submission means... he's looking out for you." [41:48]. She clarifies that submission is not about oppression but about collaboration and mutual respect.

• Grant's Perspective: "My responsibility is to pray for my wife, cherish her, love her." [43:32], emphasizing servant leadership modeled after Christ.

Madison reinforces the idea that "When a man leads well, he serves well, he lays his life down..." [45:02], highlighting the balance of love and respect in leadership.

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7. Practical Tips for Successful Communication

Effective communication is vital, and the guests share actionable strategies to enhance it within marriage.

• Preemptive Planning: Jeanine and Grant discuss pre-planning for potential conflicts, especially during family gatherings: "Let's pre-discuss, let's not argue in front of others." [56:59].

• Avoiding Public Criticism: Madison advises, "Praise publicly and criticize privately." [62:37], stressing the importance of handling disagreements away from the public eye.

• Power of Words: Referencing Proverbs 18:21, Madison states, "Our words are either bringing life or death." [61:34], urging intentional and uplifting communication.

• Speaking Redemptively: Caleb highlights the importance of speaking life into each other: "Will you forgive me? How powerful." [54:18].

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8. The Impact of Community and Accountability

Surrounding themselves with a godly community has been instrumental in strengthening their marriage.

• Mutual Support: Janine encourages others to seek accountability and godly friendships: "Find accountability. Find godly marriages and relationships that you can do life with." [65:02].

• Modeling Positive Behavior: Both couples emphasize living authentically and being examples of loving, god-centered marriages.

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9. Final Thoughts and Takeaways

As the episode wraps up, the guests reflect on their growth and the ongoing journey of marriage.

• Grant's Humble Reflections: "I never want our relationship to be a stumbling block... I have made so many mistakes." [68:01], showcasing humility and continuous learning.

• Jeanine's Hope: "I hope that people see our purity... always trying to follow God and honor each other." [68:32], underlining the spiritual foundation of their marriage.

• Madison's Closing Message: "Marriage is not the ultimate goal. Knowing and loving Jesus is the ultimate goal." [70:03], reinforcing the podcast's overarching theme of faith-centered living.

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Key Takeaways:

• Embrace Differences: Understand and celebrate the inherent differences between partners as complementary strengths.
• Pray Together: Incorporate prayer into conflict resolution to foster understanding and forgiveness.
• Use Constructive Communication Techniques: Implement strategies like PAUSE to navigate disagreements healthily.
• Lead with Servant Heart: Models of leadership within marriage should reflect Christ's servant leadership.
• Seek Community Support: Engage with godly communities to bolster and sustain a strong marital bond.

This episode of Stay True serves as a profound guide for couples aiming to cultivate a marriage grounded in faith, effective communication, and mutual respect. Through personal anecdotes and biblical principles, Jeanine, Caleb, and Grant offer invaluable insights into building a resilient and loving partnership.

Transcript

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

What's up, guys? Welcome back to another episode of Stay True podcast. I'm your host, Madison Pruitt Trout, and I am very happy because I'm in this room right now with my best friends in the whole world. We have Janine Ward. Almost said Amifola, Caleb Ward, and my husband, Grant Trout. And this is a special room.

[Janine Ward]

Absolutely.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

With. I can't believe. And we said this. Okay, so we're doing a podcast swap. So we actually, I think you've already aired your podcast at this point. But we said this earlier. I can't believe we're just now doing a podcast with years later.

[Janine Ward]

Yeah. What's wrong with us, guys?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

This is insane. Well, actually, we. We were planning to do a podcast with.

[Caleb Ward]

Oh, but who double booked or who bailed on us?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Who was it again?

[Grant Trout]

Listen, Janine.

[Caleb Ward]

Mr. Ward.

[Grant Trout]

Calendar.

[Janine Ward]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. It was in the calendar. Absolutely.

[Grant Trout]

Yeah. We had a podcast swap that we were going to do, and then I accidentally booked a bros trip to New York, and I was in New York.

[Janine Ward]

Somehow click the button to purchase a flight.

[Caleb Ward]

Yeah. I don't know how that I'm not used.

[Grant Trout]

Before getting married to Janine, I never used a calendar ever. And so I was.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Sounds like my husband.

[Grant Trout]

Good at understanding what I was doing with my week. And all of a sudden, getting married. Janine, just like, my weeks are filled. I'm not used to that.

[Caleb Ward]

Women will do that.

[Janine Ward]

Sounds about right.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Oh, yeah.

[Grant Trout]

Yeah.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Hey, it's good we keep you guys in line and check lunch with Becky, who's dinner.

[Caleb Ward]

Good to have you all on Stay True.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

I know.

[Caleb Ward]

I feel like this is a really special moment.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah. You know, Jeanine's been on the pod. I know we talked all about friendship, but, Caleb, this is your first welcome to the true crew.

[Caleb Ward]

He's in the blue.

[Grant Trout]

I'm like a little social anxiety right now. A little nervous.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

He is literally repping Stay True colors.

[Caleb Ward]

It's just the green shoes is throwing it a little, but that's like, it's okay. Otherwise, he's got it a lot of navy.

[Grant Trout]

I got your shoes up.

[Caleb Ward]

Oh, wait, don't make me do cold.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Pull gray shoes up because I hate my canes.

[Caleb Ward]

I love my cane. Sponsor me if you want to. I love my canes.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

I cannot. Okay, well, I am very excited about today's conversation because I've been thinking about and wanting to have this conversation for a long time, and then Caleb bailed on us, but now here we are. God's perfect timing.

[Grant Trout]

Playing hard to get.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And. And you know, and it worked because it's been, like, making us more and more excited about this podcast, and you guys have been requesting to have them on, and so I'm so excited that it worked out in perfect timing. But we're going to be talking all about how to have successful communication in marriage and healthy conflict. So the thing that I hear most in marriage is, like, communication is so hard, and it's such a struggle. And so we're going to get into that. We're going to talk about newly married life and how it's been for you guys, some things that have worked and then also conflict, because, you know, Grant and I have had quite an interesting go round with conflict, but now I feel like we've really learned how to have healthy conflict. And so I'm really excited. But first, I want to just, like, jump into. Okay, you guys have been married for now how long?

[Janine Ward]

Nine months.

[Grant Trout]

Experts now.

[Janine Ward]

Oh, my gosh. We know everything.

[Caleb Ward]

Feels like four years.

[Janine Ward]

I know.

[Caleb Ward]

I don't understand.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

I really feel like I've known Caleb my whole life.

[Caleb Ward]

I know. I was born to know Caleb.

[Grant Trout]

I was born to know you. I was born to be a trout.

[Janine Ward]

Wow.

[Grant Trout]

I mean, guys almost told Janine, hey, we might change our last name to Trout.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

You know, you should name one of your kids after us.

[Caleb Ward]

Or a fish.

[Grant Trout]

Or like, how about Absolutely your dad. Kenny. Kenny Ward.

[Caleb Ward]

The be.

[Janine Ward]

That's a str. Oh, yeah.

[Caleb Ward]

And then Jay and I have known each other. I've known her longer than you.

[Janine Ward]

Yeah.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Which is. Yeah. That's crazy.

[Caleb Ward]

We go back.

[Janine Ward]

Why do we forget about that all.

[Caleb Ward]

We never talk about that.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

No, let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. Because Janine found out that I was going on a blind date with Grant.

[Janine Ward]

Oh. Yeah.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Before I knew who the guy was.

[Caleb Ward]

Yep.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And I cornered her and I said.

[Janine Ward]

He cornered me, too.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

I said, tell me who it is. Respectfully, she is not very good at keeping.

[Janine Ward]

I didn't say his name. I only dropped a hint. And you knew.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And then I guess I feel like.

[Caleb Ward]

Jay and I were in middle school Bible study at Watermark together. We had to have been.

[Janine Ward]

I mean, there's no way I didn't see you at some point. And then I know when we got older, when I came back to the porch.

[Caleb Ward]

Yeah.

[Janine Ward]

I just kept running into you because you and JD were friends. And I was like, okay, what's the deal with this guy?

[Caleb Ward]

I know.

[Janine Ward]

And you pass the test.

[Caleb Ward]

Oh, man, I'm just so glad we're here.

[Janine Ward]

Yeah, me, too.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

But it was so funny, because Janine went to a friend's, what was like, engagement shower or something, and you were there, and I knew we were going on a date or we were being set up. I just found out that it was you. And so I was like, janine, you know, you gotta come back. You gotta tell me the tea. Like, tell me what you see. Like, will I like this guy? And you came back and what did you say?

[Janine Ward]

Well, first of all, Grant rolls up wearing a trench coat. Like, a full on, like, long trench coat.

[Caleb Ward]

And I was like, fresh out, Zara. I was like, I'm gonna see Janine tonight. She's gonna tell Maddie.

[Janine Ward]

Absolutely. And Grant beelines to me and he sits down and he's like, tell me about yourself. And I was like, this is suspicious. But I also knew by talking to you, I was like, okay, wow, this is a man of God. And I came home to you, and I was like, maddie, this is a guy you would be really proud of.

[Grant Trout]

You know why you're cool for that is because every guy understands this moment where you have to go to the best friend and being the girl who's the best friend. Because I imagine, you know, maybe Janine's sitting there and Grant walks up and she's like, oh, like, fluffing her hair. Like, this guy's about to talk to me. And you were such a bro about it, because a lot of girls get very like, of course she wants my best friend, you know, kind of vibes. And you were so cool that you were just like, you know, took it in stride and helped your girl out get married. And.

[Janine Ward]

Well, I just could have seen it. Like, I was like, no, I could see this working. And so I just needed to know what it was.

[Grant Trout]

You could have hid that information.

[Janine Ward]

Absolutely. I'm a glad.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And you had that moment with me. You were asking me, like, how can I, like, lunch against. What was that moment? It was at a wedding.

[Grant Trout]

It was at the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders wedding. What was her name?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Alexis.

[Grant Trout]

Alexis.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah.

[Caleb Ward]

Wow. Yeah.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And you were like, how can I pursue Janine? Like, what? Like, do you see this working? How can I serve her better? Like, And I really respected that. I was like. It was kind of like our little moment of, like, checking in. Like, am I doing a good job with your best friend? Like, I know you're protective over her.

[Janine Ward]

I remember at that wedding, y'all were talking and I was so nervous because you guys, like, scurried off to the side, and I was side eyeing. Like, what are they talking about? Well, And I also knew you were kind of drilling him, so I was like, this is good, Maddie.

[Grant Trout]

I saved this for this podcast. But what you don't know is you were giving me advice to challenge Janine. So I took that in stride, and I was like, janine, we need to talk. So you just told me, like, hey, make sure you challenge Janine. So I was like, okay, okay.

[Caleb Ward]

He comes out guns ablazing, bro came at her hotel.

[Grant Trout]

I look at Janine, and she's getting off the dance floor. I'm like, can we go talk, please?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

This is minutes after we finished the.

[Caleb Ward]

Conversation dance Rose so teachable.

[Grant Trout]

And we walked to the ceremony, like, where the ceremony was, but there's, like, chairs there. So we sit down where the ceremony was, and I was like, I need to know, like, are we going to be official or not? Because at this point, we were like, two, ish. Two and a half months in.

[Janine Ward]

It's like two months.

[Grant Trout]

And I was kind of tired of clear. I was like, clarity's kindness, you know, as Christians say.

[Janine Ward]

JP Would say.

[Grant Trout]

Yeah. And she literally had, like, kind of like a heart attack.

[Janine Ward]

It was so weird because you literally. You basically told me you were like, I think you're my wife. Like, I'm ready to commit. I want to lock this down.

[Grant Trout]

And I was like, I never use the word lockdown.

[Janine Ward]

I'm just paraphrasing.

[Grant Trout]

Okay, this is perfect.

[Caleb Ward]

I want to lock down. I'm not.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

A conflict conversation we're getting into. And I got to witness it right before this, when we were outside in the heat and we couldn't find our way up here. And Janine's like, figure it out, Caleb. And I was like, this is great, guys. We're being stretched for the podcast. But anyways, okay, so you had that moment. Obviously, it worked out.

[Caleb Ward]

Worked out.

[Janine Ward]

We're here.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

I mean, we're here. And it, you know, just, like our relationship, there were some ups and downs. But what would you guys say, like, now being married for nine months, like, is marriage what you thought it would be? And, like, what has surprised. Surprised you the most?

[Grant Trout]

That's better, dude.

[Janine Ward]

I would say it's so much better than I ever expected.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Amen.

[Janine Ward]

I'm so thankful for that, too.

[Grant Trout]

What did you imagine it being?

[Janine Ward]

I honestly, like, I didn't know. Baby, can you silence that, please?

[Caleb Ward]

All right. Marriage conflict. Let's. Let's just keep it going.

[Janine Ward]

I just didn't want that happening the entire podcast. Okay. Okay. So, honestly, I had a lot of fears about marriage. I don't know Everyone in my life always like, was like, it's so hard. Or like, I've had people very close to me tell me all these things where I was like, okay, marriage means you can't travel anymore. No fun. They're going to control you. I've also not had, I would say, the best examples of marriage in front of me. And so I thought marriage was like my life ending. Like, I was like, I'm not going to be able to do whatever I want. I miss independent. I was like, you know, 28 and a half ish when I met you. And so I thought marriage was like, goodbye, goodbye to your freedoms, goodbye to everything that you ever know. And so I just trusted the Lord. And like, honestly, you've like, just. Why are you smiling?

[Grant Trout]

Just smiling.

[Janine Ward]

But it's genuinely like so much better than I ever imagined. It's so fun. It's like when you're with the right person, it literally is like that slumber party and we make coffee together and we laugh and it's like, wow, why was I so scared of this? You know? And I wish more people knew that because it is so amazing when you're with the right person, especially a godly person. That is what makes the difference, is when we're teachable, we refine each other, we listen to each other. Yes, we might fight, but we're always like, hey, how can we work on our relationship?

[Grant Trout]

Yeah, we were very different. I was like a 23 year old, like ready to settle down, which is so weird.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

She's 28, not ready to settle down.

[Janine Ward]

I was like, how do you. Why?

[Grant Trout]

Yeah, I was like, dude, I'm ready to like have no life, be at home all day and just be married.

[Janine Ward]

When you were like 24.

[Caleb Ward]

But I love that, I love that about you.

[Grant Trout]

It's the best though.

[Janine Ward]

It really is.

[Grant Trout]

It's not easy. I mean, there's still like, you know, some challenging parts to it and we're still figuring we're only nine months in, so we're still, we're still learning.

[Caleb Ward]

So first, first couple months, you guys move into the home and you're working together in the same house, get us into a little bit of like, what was that dynamic? And how have you all grown since then?

[Janine Ward]

So especially being like older and putting quotation marks because it's not that old, but like, it's different than a lot of my friends. I was really set in my ways. He moved into my house, so my house was the way that I wanted it and I had the pillows a certain way and then my morning routine. And, like, I was just very particular. And that's the thing is, like, you don't realize how particular you are until someone comes in and moves in. And then you're like, wait, you're touching my space. And this is my quiet time and my thing. And you realize how selfish you are. And so it was, like, such an adjustment where I'm like, okay, you're in my home. I have to, like, find a closet for you to put your little stuff in now and then. Like, I wanted to have a quiet time. Then he would come in and blast the news first thing in the morning.

[Caleb Ward]

By the way, he's a news guy.

[Janine Ward]

News guy.

[Caleb Ward]

I love that. He's a coffee and news guy.

[Grant Trout]

Literally since I was a kid. I love the news.

[Caleb Ward]

You're an old soul brother.

[Grant Trout]

I am old soul. I bleed coffee. Go ahead.

[Janine Ward]

They also just like, what I was.

[Caleb Ward]

Like, what, are you going to bleed the news?

[Janine Ward]

I wish it was burnt orange, to be honest.

[Grant Trout]

Figure out what I was going to say. That's just, like, the only thing I was going to honestly, like, oil. I bleed oil. It's like, a very manly thing. Go ahead.

[Janine Ward]

But it's just like, literally, like, classic newlywed stuff. Like, you're trying to figure out sleep schedules. I would want to go to bed before he would, and you'd want to stay late all night watching whatever you were watching. And it was just like, all the newlywed stuff. And so it was a lot of like, okay, compromise. Like, where do I give? Where do you take. Where do we have to just find a level ground? Or where are areas where you just let the person be who they are? Because I realized in the very beginning I wanted him to be the way that I was. And that's what caused a lot of problems, is I would get so mad, like, why don't you think the way that I do? Why don't you clean the way that I do? Why don't you put the pots away the way that I do? And I also realized, like, we'll talk about this later. But you really do adapt who your parents are. And I saw the way that my dad did a lot of that to my mom, where my dad would literally be like, why don't you see the piece of dirt on the table and clean it the way that I would? And I'm like, Cause I'm not you. I realized I would do that to you. And I was like, whoa, I'm becoming my dad.

[Grant Trout]

You weren't as bad as, like, the way you make it sound.

[Janine Ward]

Oh, thank you.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

But you were worse.

[Janine Ward]

Can you imagine?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Imagine he drops that off. Yeah, that bar, way worse.

[Grant Trout]

So I'll just, like, paint a picture. Like, imagine being 23, 24, mostly just your 20s, basically, and you live with the boys. And it's like, you know, it smells okay. It doesn't smell great, but it doesn't smell like.

[Caleb Ward]

It'll do.

[Janine Ward]

It'll do.

[Grant Trout]

It doesn't smell like the autumn sun or, like the pumpkin spice.

[Caleb Ward]

Like, one candle and it's fun. It's fine.

[Grant Trout]

Janine, like, she bleeds pumpkin spice.

[Janine Ward]

That's true.

[Grant Trout]

And like, our house smells like nutmeg. And so going from the way that, like, I grew up with, like, my. My buddies and living with the guys, it was really interesting to go from one pillow to 12, like, overnight. And I wasn't prepared for just the amount of just, like, being on. On top of it, like, being proactive and not reactive. And so I was realizing a lot in the beginning part of marriage was I was, like, very reactive to, you know, if a mess was there or, you know, figuring something out with the house. You know, it was always kind of like, because I was working or doing something or like, let's say I would provide financially for us and, you know, crush a deal or whatever it was. It didn't matter as much to her if I wasn't contributing, like, as a team together with things that mattered. And, you know, her dad, you know.

[Janine Ward]

He is fix anything.

[Grant Trout]

He works in construction. You know, he can tool belts.

[Caleb Ward]

Oh, that is my weakness, dude.

[Grant Trout]

He can fix a square peg in a round hole backwards. And as I became more proactive and reactive, I realized that our love languages were so different she became from when we were dating. It was gifts, quality time, words of affirmations to only acts of service. Like, only.

[Janine Ward]

Is that true?

[Grant Trout]

Yes. Like my acts of service.

[Caleb Ward]

Like, like.

[Janine Ward]

Like, if you make the bed, I will love you forever.

[Grant Trout]

I've made the bed 19 days in a row, and my life has, like, changed. I do the dishes. I don't even, like, I don't even keep tally in my brain anymore. I'm just like, I know she'll show up and she'll serve and do what the things she needs to do. But it's like, if I see a need, I'm gonna do it. Now I can't get to it all the time, but for the most part, if I have time, I'm gonna do it because it's gonna. It's basically investing into, like, a stock early on because it's gonna pay off later. And when your wife comes home and she's just beaming, I know I can be working on something. And, like, if I'm gonna potentially maybe get in trouble, at least I did the dishes. And so it's not gonna compound, like, to, like, something else.

[Caleb Ward]

I'm gonna get in trouble.

[Grant Trout]

Yeah, it's so true. And it's a sense of ownership, and you live in a house now, and, like, I have a sense of ownership because I know that, like, okay, I take care of the backyard. Like, I have responsibilities. And it's not fun being the person in a marriage who you feel like you're doing everything. And so.

[Janine Ward]

Yeah. Well, I would just say I think it started to feel like your home because in the beginning you were like, okay, I'm like, you kind of feel like you were living in my house.

[Grant Trout]

Yeah, for sure.

[Janine Ward]

Now it feels like your home. And that was. The difference, is you didn't really. You didn't know how to, like, do it the way I wanted, which I didn't want you to do it my way. I just wanted you to do it. And then eventually you did. And it was like, oh, this makes our marriage a lot better, you know?

[Grant Trout]

Well, you know this because you guys got a house right when you got married. There's plumbers, there's. There's AC guys, you got the lawn. There's so many different responsibilities from going to an apartment where everything's just taken care of to owning a house. It's. Yeah, it's brand new property taxes and understanding how different things work. And so, yeah, it's a lot, but it's.

[Janine Ward]

You've been so amazing, though, like, truly.

[Grant Trout]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

So, more than roomies, we've grown to love each other in the way that they need to be loved. And that's the thing that's so important is, like, loving your spouse the way they desire to be loved and not what's convenient, comfortable for you or even what I mean, like you were saying originally and I was probably same when we got married. It's like, I want to give love how I want to receive love.

[Caleb Ward]

Yeah, you want to receive love how you like to give love.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah.

[Janine Ward]

And.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And like, having the expectation of, like, this is how I am and this is how I do things. So, like, this is how you should do things. And as you're married longer and as you just like, stay in a posture of prayer and humility, you continue to understand, like, okay, I'm going to love you the way God calls me. To love you. And I'm going to be the biblical wife God has called me to be. And, you know, love, sacrificial love that God calls us to is like loving without expectation of anything in return. It's like, hey, I'm just called to love you and serve you no matter what you give me back. And it's like, how can I add value? How can I add value and meet a need wherever I can? But let's get into some juicy stuff. So let's talk about, like, those first few months of marriage with conflict, because that is such a big thing, I think for a lot of, you know, newly married couples or even for those watching who's like, I want to be married one day. And I haven't seen conflict modeled. Well, it. Whether it was, like, in family dynamics, maybe your parents were very passive with each other. They were living together and basically just like, cohabitating and rooming together. But they weren't in love and they weren't affectionate, and you weren't seeing that happen. Or maybe they were crazy escalators and people stormed and out of the house, and it was like a whole mess. Whatever your situation is, whether you want to be married or you are currently married and you want to grow in your conflict style with your spouse, I think this is such an important conversation because we can always be growing in this area and in conflict in all areas of life. I think people are, like, really nervous about conflict and run from conflict. But I actually think it can be super, super helpful. And I think you even practiced that in friendships. I feel like we practiced that in living together, like, being roommates. Before we got married, there were moments where we had to sit down with each other and be like, hey, how you did this, like, was not my. I didn't like that. And can we talk about it? And it hurt my feelings.

[Caleb Ward]

Remember when Janine, you were talking to JD and Janine was like, can you help me clean up?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yes. That second hand, she's like, can you help clean up? And I was like, when I'm done with my conversation.

[Janine Ward]

Oh, yeah. We had a whole moment after that.

[Caleb Ward]

I love it.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And then I was like, let's talk.

[Janine Ward]

That was like the worst fight we've ever had. Like, we never had.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And it wasn't even bad.

[Janine Ward]

It wasn't at all. It was like I felt misunderstood or whatever.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And then we resolved it totally. And. And I think that's so important because that's going to happen, especially in marriage. Like, you're going to see some of the Worst sides, you know, of each other and some of the best sides of each other. And so how to navigate conflict. So let's talk about some of those moments, like, first few months of marriage. What was conflict? Like, if you guys want to share a couple stories or just a couple moments of, like, what that was like and how you've learned now, being nine months in to conflict.

[Caleb Ward]

Well, and I want to add something to that. Like, you say, like, godly marriage is awesome. So, like, how has that. If y'all didn't have God, I feel like it'd be a totally different story.

[Janine Ward]

Oh, yeah.

[Caleb Ward]

So just, like, how has God played a role in these few months to.

[Grant Trout]

Too totally as far as, like, not love languages, but it's a. It's another scale. What's that thing called?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Oh, you're talking about the conflict styles.

[Grant Trout]

Yes.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Okay, so this is really funny. I have in my notes, I was. When I was thinking about this podcast, Grant and I went to our first marriage conference, I think this was last year, and was at Harris Creek. And they were on the stage and they were talking about the conflict styles. They were like, don't be a weenie. And I was like, a weenie. And then they went and they explained that weenie stands for W, E, N, I, which is the conflict styles. W is withdraw, escalate, negatively, interpret, negative, interpret. And then I validate. And so those are the conflict styles. And I was like, that is so funny. Don't be a weenie. So, guys.

[Grant Trout]

Yeah, it was molded really bad for me, for me growing up, because, you know, I had a wiener dog my entire life, like a miniature din. And so, like, as a kid and I being facetious, but genuinely, I am all of those combined. Like, I. I escalate. I throw the, you know, mento and the Dr. Pepper. I shake it up and then to, like, cap it off. Like, I'll interpret on the way out, and then I whip. I'm deuces. Like, I'm deuces my way from the house. Left it.

[Caleb Ward]

My heart is flying right now. That's chaos.

[Grant Trout]

It's like, I want, like, a baby come back moment. I want her to be baby come back.

[Janine Ward]

Wants me to, like, chase after any kind of food. I ain't doing that.

[Grant Trout]

No, I genuinely want that. And I remember the first time Janine has a love for bedtime interactions. And.

[Janine Ward]

Okay, I don't even know.

[Grant Trout]

It's not the type of interactions.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

It's not a podcast on intimacy interactions.

[Janine Ward]

What do you think? But babe, wow, politically correct.

[Grant Trout]

It's the interaction of, like, usually, like, you want to have husband do better moments right before. Right before bed.

[Janine Ward]

I learned to not do prime time.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Guys, we have to just tell you what has been going on for the last 40 minutes because we had. The system crashed and we had to pause on the recording and we lost a lot of our footage because the enemy does not like what we're talking about.

[Caleb Ward]

So the last 45 minutes, what we just had all got deleted.

[Janine Ward]

Here we are, and we're right back.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Because we believe that these conversations are really helpful and life changing. And Caleb made a lot of really good jokes.

[Grant Trout]

I'm just mad. I had a few zingers in the last 45 minutes.

[Caleb Ward]

And you're like, do I say, I.

[Grant Trout]

Don'T know that I can recreate you just like, let the spirit, Maddie can procreate. I can't recreate.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Wow.

[Grant Trout]

Yeah, that's good.

[Caleb Ward]

That is actually.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

There you go. See, he came back hanging.

[Caleb Ward]

It wasn't in the first one.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

With better zingers.

[Caleb Ward]

Hey, but Maddie, it's. It's been a journey to get here. It has, but we're fighting.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

We're thankful for the team behind the scenes that have helped us get back into the swing of things. And yeah, all that. All I got to say is spiritual warfare is real. We believe that these conversations are really helpful and life changing. And I'm excited to dive back in because I believe that the holy Spirit is in this room. And what is about to be said now is exactly what needed to be heard. And so we believe nothing is accidental. And Grant prayed right before this that what the enemy meant for harm, God will use for good. And I say yes and amen.

[Caleb Ward]

And if anything, it's more time with my amazing, amazing friends. It's just more time with you guys.

[Janine Ward]

Quality time.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Janine dropped some truth bombs earlier that I just know it's going to be even better.

[Caleb Ward]

Okay, guys, let's just jump right back in. And so a question.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Storytelling.

[Caleb Ward]

Yeah. Caleb, finish kind of the story about late at night.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Like bedtime, bedtime conversations.

[Grant Trout]

Oh, yeah.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Somehow we turned this to intimacy.

[Caleb Ward]

Anyways.

[Grant Trout]

Yeah.

[Caleb Ward]

Where were we?

[Janine Ward]

Here we go.

[Grant Trout]

Janine, before bed. Will literally, it's like I am at this moment need to solve all our marriage issues. Things I'm thinking through, things I want you to grow in. You know, things I don't want you to grow in. And for me, like, I already have trouble sleeping. I was pointing out, like, I already have. Like, if you know us on the pod, like, I have night terrors. Like, I Wake up at three in the morning and my heart is racing. And so if Janine brings up something that could get me anxious before bed, it kind of. Kind of bothers me a little bit. And so. But what the worst part about it is, she can just fall asleep. She can throw a bomb and then just turn over.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah, that's me.

[Grant Trout]

Yeah. And then I'm just, like, sitting here just wrestling in bed and. And like, you know when you're mad at your spouse and you're, like, grabbing the covers and you pull it real tight and get some shoulder underneath it and you turn over.

[Caleb Ward]

Yep.

[Grant Trout]

And it might take it away from them.

[Caleb Ward]

Feel. Yeah.

[Grant Trout]

Yeah. Well, Janine. It doesn't matter. She doesn't. Janine does not. If I am being toxic, if I am being unhealthy in any type of emotion that, like, wants a reaction, she doesn't give it to me. And so I. In the beginning part of marriage would. I thought withdrawing would be something that, you know, would maybe get some type of reaction. And so is that what you are?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

The weenie?

[Grant Trout]

Yeah.

[Caleb Ward]

On the weenie.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

What weenie are you?

[Caleb Ward]

Where do you guys lean real quick? Let's just get clear.

[Grant Trout]

I can't remember if we talked about this or not, but, like, I'm everything. Like I said before, I had a wiener dog growing up. And so it taught me the. I walk like, it talked, you know.

[Janine Ward]

What was your wiener dog's name?

[Caleb Ward]

I was wondering.

[Grant Trout]

Mickey Mouse.

[Caleb Ward]

Shut your mouth.

[Janine Ward]

Mickey passed away in this last year.

[Caleb Ward]

He died dog man.

[Grant Trout]

He rode the roller coasters a little too much and, you know, got motion sickness. And that was his last legit.

[Caleb Ward]

Oh. Oh, Mickey Mouse. Dang it shut.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Oh.

[Janine Ward]

I literally was like, he did Six Flags. He rode the Titan.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

He brought him home.

[Grant Trout]

Disney World actually believed you for a second. So I would get out of bed and I would go to the living.

[Janine Ward]

Room and, like, kind of slam the door on the way out.

[Grant Trout]

I wouldn't slam the door.

[Janine Ward]

You let me know that you were exiting the premise.

[Caleb Ward]

Maddie does the same thing.

[Grant Trout]

Slamming the door. Sounds like I can't control my door.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Movie moment. Right.

[Caleb Ward]

Remember, the doors light, the hinges move easily.

[Grant Trout]

This isn't braggadocious, but, like, go the gym sometimes. And. And the we go.

[Caleb Ward]

Caleb, you know.

[Grant Trout]

Is light, dude. I just watch Incredibles and I feel like when I'm like, you know, grabbing the door, Mr. Incredible, doorknob comes off. Yeah. The dentist and I'll sit in the living room. And in the beginning, like, Janine just would. Wouldn't come rescue me. Like, I really wanted, like, a baby come back moment, like any kind of.

[Janine Ward]

Fool, but I was counting sheep, baby come back.

[Grant Trout]

And two hours into waiting for you to come rescue me, you know, she's still asleep. And so, like, I would walk back in there and we have to reconcile now. And you know she would.

[Janine Ward]

But it depends on the situation, because sometimes we talked about this where, like, sometimes it's okay to wait for the next day. And I think in the beginning, we didn't really know how to do that well. We're like, we would just argue and argue and argue, and then we'd be like, we're not coming to a conclusion. So, like, either we table this, or we take a moment or we pause, we come back, or we just had cash this out right now. But I think it's okay to let the sun go down and revisit it in the morning when you're, like, in a clear mind. Because when you're so tired.

[Caleb Ward]

Yeah.

[Janine Ward]

You just can't, like, you can't think straight. You can't argue well, like, there's no, like, real resolution. I think when you're that tired.

[Grant Trout]

When you're tired, you're like, literally, your brain is dyslexic. It can't. It literally cannot process information. So, like, Janine would be like, you left toothpaste in the sink, and then now it's like, she doesn't love me anymore, you know? And that's really hard to stomach when you're newly married.

[Janine Ward]

It's the toothpaste.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Everything's a bigger deal when you're newly married. Grant told me one time that my. And I was like, is she gonna leave me? I mean, it's like, such a big deal when you're newly married.

[Grant Trout]

Was it dry?

[Caleb Ward]

And you invited that in. You said, hey, how's my chicken? I said, it's a little bit of. I didn't come after it.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

I did ask for it, and then I didn't receive the feedback well.

[Caleb Ward]

But that's really good. Like, the verse, do not let the sun go down on your anger. People take that so literally. You did for a while. But, like, that's just so wise.

[Janine Ward]

I feel like it shouldn't be multiple suns going down. Like, I think that's the problem is if it keeps lingering, you're never addressing it, and it's just like, whatever, I don't want to talk to you. I'm going to go do my own thing. Like, don't let the sun continue to go down. But, like, I think one son is okay. Here and there.

[Caleb Ward]

Yeah. It's like run after reconciliation.

[Janine Ward]

Yeah.

[Caleb Ward]

I think the gist of that verse.

[Grant Trout]

Yeah.

[Janine Ward]

The goal should be, I think when you wake up, like, okay, let's fix this. Or maybe you wake up and you're like, that was so stupid. Like, we don't even need to talk about it, because it was just so dumb.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

After I've slept on it, I realize actually I was an idiot or you.

[Janine Ward]

Don'T even know what you're fighting about.

[Grant Trout]

Especially when Janine looks so cute when she wakes up in the morning. I'm like, how was I mad at her?

[Caleb Ward]

Is Jay a retainer? Are you a retainer?

[Janine Ward]

It's disgusting.

[Caleb Ward]

Are you up and down?

[Janine Ward]

Oh, yeah.

[Caleb Ward]

Really?

[Janine Ward]

Both.

[Caleb Ward]

I'm both too.

[Janine Ward]

Disgusting.

[Caleb Ward]

Are they thick?

[Grant Trout]

She looks like girl from Finding Nemo.

[Caleb Ward]

You got the.

[Grant Trout]

Is she.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Why are you sleeping?

[Grant Trout]

I was trying to be a romantic husband. I got the candles lit. You know, we. I just had a nice dinner. I'm thinking I'm gonna be a romantic husband. And Janine's, like, getting ready for bed, and so I'm, like, waiting in the room. She comes in and it's, like, kind of dark, so don't see her. And I'm, like, going in for, you know, maybe a kiss and full on girl from fighting Nemo retain her out. And I was like, whoa. Absolutely caught me off guard. And that's when you know you love someone because I looked at her, I said, baby, just take it out when you can.

[Caleb Ward]

Kiss and mouth guard.

[Janine Ward]

Oh, that one's tough.

[Caleb Ward]

Which we've never done.

[Janine Ward]

We haven't done.

[Caleb Ward]

But maybe we should. I think we should. I'm like, we make out with our. With our mouth.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

You acted like that was coming from experience. I'm like, we haven't done that.

[Grant Trout]

Well, we've kissed with a.

[Janine Ward]

You won't kiss me with that thing on, because it's disgusting.

[Caleb Ward]

This is horrible. Withdrawer. Jay, what's your.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah, what's your. What's your weenie? So you said you were Withdrawal.

[Janine Ward]

Definitely withdraw. He fleas, actually flees the scene.

[Grant Trout]

Oh, I throw a grenade.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Full on.

[Janine Ward]

Flees the scene.

[Grant Trout]

Right shoulder grenade right in your lap. And then I leave.

[Janine Ward]

You don't do that as much anymore. But he would flee the scene.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Grown. See, this is what you keep growing, guys.

[Janine Ward]

I would say I'm an invalidator and an escalator. Not healthy, but I am.

[Grant Trout]

That has to be the worst one, too.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

You know, he had to throw that in there. He's like, mine's bad, but yours and.

[Janine Ward]

I I can fight. Like, I can stay in the fight. Not when I'm tired, but, like, if we're arguing, I'm like, let's go.

[Grant Trout]

Why? Why is that? Why can you fight?

[Janine Ward]

No. You know, don't say, is it because the Latina inside of me.

[Grant Trout]

No, you're half Guatemalan, half Germany.

[Janine Ward]

It's true. And I did see some of that growing up.

[Grant Trout]

Like, that's a. That's a duo.

[Janine Ward]

I mean, I would say sometimes, no shade to my parents. I would see days where they didn't reconcile. So I think that's where I'm just like, okay, you want to fight? Let's go. Not healthy. Don't repeat after me like that. But I'm not like that anymore. I think at the beginning, I was very much just like, okay, you want to pick a battle? You want to fight, let's fight. But again, it was like the classic, like, I'm right, you're wrong. And we weren't actually trying to, like, come to a solution. We were just wanting to fight, just to fight. I'm like, that's not good.

[Grant Trout]

I want to clarify. Sometimes I think when we talk about fight and this and that, it can sound like it's abusive in a way, because it's like, abusive language. But it's like we're talking about, you know, you hurt me, did the dishes.

[Janine Ward]

Or who didn't do the dishes?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Arguments and disagreement.

[Janine Ward]

Dumb things, big or small.

[Caleb Ward]

Totally.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

I would say I'm a escalator, for sure. I mean, it's not even the words that I'm saying. It's just my passion and my tone decimal. I could literally just be like, oh, like, I wish you would just love me better. But I'm, like, yelling it, and he's like, bring the tone down. Like, I can't even hear what you're saying because it's so loud.

[Grant Trout]

That's a dangerous thing to say. Bring the tone down. When the tone's up.

[Caleb Ward]

Oh, you can't say that.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

If you say, chill out. Relax.

[Caleb Ward]

If I say chill out, it's a wrap for me. But I. I'm a quick peace out, withdraw. Not doing this. And that was hard for us at the start.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Very hard.

[Caleb Ward]

But what I think what y'all have talked about, what we've talked about is there's got to be a healthy communication of time out.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah.

[Caleb Ward]

Pause. Like, hey, before this goes any further, let's just stop for a second. Like, this is not going to be healthy.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And that was hard for me, I think, at the start, because I Am such a justice person. I'm like, okay, we have to resolve this right now. And I'm very similar to you, Caleb. Like, if we don't resolve it and there's not any type of, like, a little bit of reconciliation before bed, it will torment me all night. I will be anxious. I won't sleep. Meanwhile, Grant snoring in two seconds and hasn't thought about it again. And we've shared, like, funny stories on the podcast of, like, some little arguments and moments that we've had early on in marriage when our conflict was unhealthy. But something that we've learned that's been really helpful. You mentioned the word pause, and I think a good acronym that will be some helpful tips for you guys in conflict. And this goes for, like, friendship, family. I mean, marriage conflict style is just like, take a second, pause. P is pray. Like, pray, pray, pray. Go before the Lord. P, go take a bathroom break. No, I'm just kidding. P as in the letter P or I'm being serious.

[Grant Trout]

I thought you were like, go pee.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

I do pee a lot at night.

[Janine Ward]

Funny.

[Grant Trout]

Fair point.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

But pee as in pray, Take a second pray before you talk, before you speak, before you try to justify your point, before you try and move towards anything. It's like, just take a second, pray together. Or like, hey, I need a second. I'm just going to pray. And then a is affirm. So even before we go to sleep, you're talking about, don't let the sun go down before you know. It's like, okay, well, maybe we're really tired. It's midnight, and we're running in circles here. We're not moving towards a solution. We're not even making sense at this point. So instead of trying to continue this conversation, let's just affirm the relationship. Let's say, hey, let's pause. I love you. I'm in this. I'm not going anywhere. We're gonna work this out. So let's talk about it in the morning. Let's get some sleep now. And I think when we started doing that, it calmed me enough to be like, okay, yeah, we don't have to necessarily figure this all out right now, but if you can just, like, affirm me and affirm the relationship, I feel good. And so that's the A. And then you is seek to understand rather than seek to be right. So it's in my nature to, like, want to be right. To want to be. This is my point. This is what I have to say. I want to one up you I want to win the fight. And when you seek to be right, you're choosing not to unite. I mean, truly, like, you're choosing division instead of reconciliation. And so trying to seek to understand instead of seeking to be heard. And then the S is seek a solution. So seek a solution. How can we work towards reconciliation? Like, what is our solution? Even if that's in the morning, even if that's the next day, like, how can we move towards reconciliation? And then last but not least is just evaluate how can we learn from this situation? How can we learn from this argument and disagreement and apply it for the next time it comes? Like, how can we be better next time? And so those are just some things that have really helped Grant and I. But specifically prayer. And we've talked about that a lot of. Just, like, how prayer has helped our marriage so much. So tell me a little bit about that. Like, was that something that you realized just, like, changed the game for you? Because I know that was my story is, like, when I started taking it to God before trying to, like, take it out on Grant, it changed everything.

[Janine Ward]

Yeah. So I feel like in the beginning of marriage when we would have these, like, stupid little arguments. I didn't know. I don't feel like I had the tools in my belt to handle them. And so I would text you because I was like, okay, she's been married. Like, she knows how to do this. And I would be like, maddie, what do I do? And you would just be like, honestly, just, like, pray over your husband. And, like, honestly ask the Lord to change your heart and pray over yourself that you would be a good wife, too. And it's really hard to stay mad at your partner, your spouse, when you pray for them. And so we would do those little timeouts or even if he withdrew, and he was like, I need a second. And I was alone. I mean, literally, you know, everything within you is so stubborn. You're like, I don't want to pray. I don't want to pray. I don't want to pray. The enemy does not want you to pray. And when you just fight that, and I'm like, hey, Lord, help me love my husband the way that you want me to. Instantly, like, my whole demeanor, everything softened. And I go to him on the couch, and I'm like, babe, I'm sorry.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

So good.

[Janine Ward]

I, like, put my hand on his knee, and the whole mood just changes. And it's like, truly the power of prayer, when you invite God into your argument, you see them as someone you want to fight for. Not fight with. And that really, really helps. So prayer, what you're saying is so, so powerful and helped us a lot.

[Grant Trout]

Yeah. And I feel like I stopped trying to win our fights. Like, my dad's a lawyer, and so, like, from a very early age, I would learn from him how to win fights. And he would. He was good at it, and he could debate. And so anytime we would. We'd be in the car and I would just debate her on almost anything. And it's like an annoying. That's an annoying thing to do. And proverbs says, like, a soft answer turns away wrath, but grievance stirs up anger. And when you're soft with your spouse, when I'm soft with you, we get somewhere. That's totally every time. But if I am like, you know, I'm trying to. Trying to win here. Like, we're going to court.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

So true.

[Grant Trout]

Like, bring in the jury. Like, let's go. Like a defense. I'm gonna. I'm coming to win. It never works.

[Janine Ward]

Well, there was one time, like, we were about to get into an argument, and you literally before we even got into it, you were like, babe, we're not gonna yell. Like, you literally, like, set up the tone. You're like, we're gonna stay at this level. We're gonna be really calm. And by doing that, it just, like set up the whole argument or discussion more to just be like, leveled. And it wasn't this big blowout. Cause you were like, babe, we're gonna stay right here. And it helps so much, literally, if.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

One person, just one out of the two can go low and be humble and set the tone, it changes everything. Like, there will be a moment even if, like, I do pray or I don pray or whatever. It's like if we're angry at each other and we're just trying to one up each other and we're just trying to whatever, be heard. If just one of us can be like, hey, I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?

[Caleb Ward]

Yeah.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And we just say those simple words, it changes. Like, I will be so upset with Grant. And if he's just like, okay, yeah, I hear you.

[Caleb Ward]

Yeah.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Will you forgive me for that? And I'm like, oh, yeah, wait, wait, I can't even be mad anymore. And so just the power of humility, I would say with prayer also, but just the power of humility and going low and almost like, how can we out humble each other? Like, like, how can we out serve each other? And having that mindset of, like, who can be the first person to say, will you forgive me? Instead of the world's mindset is like, who's going to. Who's going to win? It's like, you have to flip the ring.

[Caleb Ward]

And what I've seen is, like, I do believe it's. It's on the man to, like, spiritually lead that, like, you go first. You go first. Like, you go low first. I've just seen that with us.

[Grant Trout]

It's like, you mean high? Don't you want to go high?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Low as in humble.

[Caleb Ward]

You go low.

[Grant Trout]

Oh, I feel like going low is like, you, like, you hit them. You, like, hit them.

[Caleb Ward]

Oh, no, no, no.

[Janine Ward]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caleb Ward]

What I mean is, like, go low. Like, humble yourself. Like, that's our role, man. Like. Like, in the midst of an argument. Yeah, they can start it, but, like, I think it's our duty. And so when we talk about Ephesians 5 and it says, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. Die for her. Surrender everything for her. Such a call right before that is a word nobody likes to talk about, which is, wives, submit to your husbands.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Dun, dun, dun, cuss word.

[Caleb Ward]

World goes, heck, no. As a strong woman. As a strong woman, Janine, talk a little bit about the start of marriage. How have you taken on that command, that command in the Bible to submit to your husband and just unpack that for everybody listening?

[Janine Ward]

Yeah, I mean, it is kind of a daunting word if you don't have the right understanding of what the word means. And I don't think that we'll ever perfectly figure it out because, like, the Bible states that it is a mystery the way that Jesus pursues the church. Like, that's hard for us to fully compute as human beings. But the world doesn't understand what submit means because to them, they see it as oppression or voiceless or tyranny or, like, I'm controlling you. And to us, it means, okay, I'm submitting to you as you submit to Christ. And that's honestly more responsibility on you because you're called to serve the church the way that Jesus did. And so it basically means, like, you have a higher calling to die, to self and honor your wife. And so, honestly, like, it is harder for the man because it does fall on you. And the wife is supposed to fall in that leadership. And so it's easier to follow you because I know that you're following Christ. So I think a lot of women think, like, submit means like, oh, I'm less than. I'm smaller.

[Caleb Ward]

Have a voice.

[Janine Ward]

Yeah, he's going to power over me. And it's like, no, we have different roles. And so I'm submitting to you as you submit to Christ. And truly, there is, like, a spiritual depth to it that's hard to fully grasp. But when you see it played out in your marriage, you're like, oh, this is what it means. And when your husband does it right, you're like, this is so easy to follow. Like, I love when you lead because it just. It works. It flows so well. And so I think coming from, like, single, independent Janine, it was so scary because I thought, like, I'm losing my independence and my voice, and this guy's gonna tell me what to do. And it's not been like that at all. And I think a lot of women are fearful of marriage because of that. But really, it's like, I trust your discernment. You're looking out for me. You're protecting me. You care for me. Like, it's not just overpowering me. We're still equals. But you're like, hey, trust my leadership as I'm trusting God. And that is why I'm like, okay, I can surrender and know that my husband wants the best for me.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

So. Good. What was that quote you said Lisa Bevere was telling you about submission?

[Janine Ward]

She basically said that, like, submission was just protection. And it really is like, hey, he's looking out for you. It's not something you need to be fearful of. And hopefully you're submitting to the right man. You're not submitting to every man. It says, wives submit to your husband. And so you're not submitting just to any dude. It's like your husband who is following Christ, and it's a protection over you. And so that really freed me where I was like, okay, wow, this is protection. It's not, like, prevention of things. And it might be sometimes, but again, it's for your protection.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

It's good.

[Grant Trout]

Yeah. And I think we have to, like, define what dying to your wife means. And, like, I really believe it's just, like, service. It's serving your wife. And I think we get caught in submission versus dying. And that this debate of, like, what it really looks like and. And we've adopted it in America of, like, submitting is social norms. And it's like, that's really not submitting is doing the dishes is not really submitting, like, cleaning or making food or for the person. Like, these aren't, like, that's not what the Bible is saying here. And so, like, for a man, I know that my Wife meets with the Lord every single day, and I don't need to tell her to submit to me. I know my responsibility. My responsibility is supposed to pray for my wife, cherish my wife, love my wife. My eyes are for my wife, honor my purity, and honor my wife. And then through that, we'll have a healthy marriage. And through that, you'll be able to have a marriage where you both are showing up for each other. You never want to beat the Bible on someone and say, submit, submit, submit. Telling your wife to do almost anything doesn't really work, but, you know, leading her in a way that's, like, healthy, then you both are just going to show up and your needs will be met 100% well.

[Janine Ward]

And it's that cycle the Bible talks about. It's the love and respect cycle. As you love me, as Grant loves Maddie, like, you serve you love. Like, it causes a reaction where it's like, wow, I want to respect you more. I want to serve you more. And sometimes, like, one person pulls the weight more than the other, but it is that. That cycle that really God orchestrated to make it work so much better and healthier. And you're right. You've never told me submit to me. It's just like, out of reverence for the Lord. You want to do that because you love your partner and you love God, and that's what God wants us to do.

[Grant Trout]

Yeah. There's certain things we trust each other's discernment on. You know, like, if we're making a big decision, like, we both need to be in prayer. And honestly, if we both feel something really hard, like, we both listen to each other.

[Janine Ward]

We're a team.

[Grant Trout]

But there has been some times where I'm like, babe, like, I promise you, this is just what I think is best for our family. And because, you know, I meet with the Lord and I'm. I walk with the Holy Spirit, you can trust me. And just the same way, like, when you know you're doing certain things and you're like, no, babe, this is the right way, I can go with that, because I know you. You are following the Lord with your heart.

[Janine Ward]

Yeah. I just want to make sure people, like, abundantly know that it is a teamwork. It's not forceful. It's not, you know, this, like, bullying, especially. It's not abuse. Like, that's one thing I want to be clear on, is submission is not abuse. But for us, I think it's very much a teamwork and trusting each other's spirit inside of the other person. As well.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah, that's so good. I love that because I think the world preaches like they're so scared of the word submission because it's seen as a very controlling thing and it's been.

[Caleb Ward]

Modeled very poorly by wicked by men.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Who do try to abuse power and say that's leadership submitted to Christ. And Jesus modeled perfectly for us not only submission, but also what leadership looks like. And so he modeled leadership as service. And so when a man leads well, he serves well, he lays his life down, he loves his bride, he puts her needs before his own. And when you see your husband do that and you see your husband submitted to the Holy Spirit and you see your husband serving you, you want to submit to that, you want to be led by that and you. And submission brings. For a woman who fears the Lord, who's married to a man who fears the Lord, submission brings so much security. It brings great security. Like you were saying, submission is protection, not prevention. I think that's so good for people to hear.

[Caleb Ward]

It's great. It's great. One thing I want to bring up, it has stuck with me ever since you said it is you will read the Bible out loud over you guys at night. And so just the way that God is at the forefront of Yalls relationship, get me more into that moment. Like the why and how have you taken this role of leadership to lead your family spiritually? Because I think it's just so clear on you guys life that God is the center of this relationship.

[Grant Trout]

Yeah, I mean, you know better than me, like when you're married to these two girls, like you need a lot of discernment. There's a lot of decisions being made. There's so much being thrown at you. And then being the man who takes on a lot of just the emotional stress that you girls go through, we better be like, you know, prayed up and meeting with the Lord. But as far as like reading to her, it actually like started out as like I would wanted to work on reading the Bible because honestly when I would get in small group settings, it was like I forgot how to read. Like back in college I remember a professor asking me to read the syllabus out loud and I literally just like could not form the synthesis together. And I just stopped reading in front of the whole like hundred students. And I just told everyone I have a speech impediment. I like made it up. I just like, I was like so scared. I was like, I was speech impediment. I didn't really have a speech impediment. And so I didn't talk the rest of, like, the school year. And so I wanted to get better at reading out loud. It was, like, a weird fear of mine. And, you know, so I started doing that with her. And it, like, has blessed our marriage so much. It's healed this, like, anxiety thing that I had that I actually have control over. And the Lord can, like, heal. And I saw him do that through reading his word out loud to Janine. But it also just, like, we would read things instead of being on our phone watching Tick Tock on Twitter, just, like, not engaging. And we look at intimacy as just, like, sex, but intimacy, like, as far as emotionally filling your cup with each other is, like, so important. So we would read and we go, can you believe? Like, what do you think God meant by that word when he said that? And all of a sudden, we're 30 minutes in, and we've just connected on such a deep level. So good.

[Janine Ward]

And you pray. Like, we take turns and we pray before bed. We're like, hey, it's your turn to pray. Okay, now it's your turn. And it's so cool. Like, we see these prayers come true, and even if they don't, it just. It connects you spiritually. It's, like, more than you even know. Like, you're truly investing into the kingdom and planting those seeds of faith that genuinely, like, pay off, and it connects us. And so I recommend anyone listening, like, pray with your spouse every single night. And I remember y'all encouraging us to do that, too. And it genuinely. It works.

[Grant Trout]

Sets the foundation for the next morning, too.

[Janine Ward]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Grant Trout]

Which is massive. And now we don't argue before bed. Like, I can't remember the last argument before bed. Like, I can't remember.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Growth, guys. Praise God, it is growing. And that's also the beautiful thing is, like, in marriage, it's gonna always take work, and you're going to be constantly changing and growing and learning, and it's going to take that work. But hopefully, as you both pursue Christ and pursue each other, you're going to continue to grow and become more and more like Jesus and love your spouse better and better each day and learn from past mistakes. It's like those unhealthy conflict styles that we had at the beginning of our marriage. I mean, we can say the same thing. Like, thankfully, we fought more in our first, like, three months of marriage, maybe six months of marriage. Like, we've had maybe one fight, like, since then, and we've been married for almost two years. And I think conflict can actually be really helpful sometimes when it's done in a healthy way. And so when you learn how to do conflict in a healthy way, which is why I was so excited to talk about this, it can actually push you closer together. You know, I mean, they say make up sex. Like, it's like you can actually come out of it stronger and better. Like, you're saying in a way that you're connecting emotionally, you're connecting physically, you're connecting spiritually. Because we're made to call each other out and call each other higher. And that's how Grant's gonna make me better, how I'm gonna make Grant better. But there is a way to do it and to do it healthy and to do it godly.

[Janine Ward]

Final note, as I was gonna say, is that also conflict exposes. So, like, it exposes your fears, the things that you're afraid is the person gonna leave you. Like, it exposes all these things that need to be exposed and then also exposes childhood trauma, things that you're. The way your parents argue, things that you haven't resolved in yourself. And so not all conflict is unproductive. Some of it is actually very productive where you're like, okay, this is still showing me that a, I have bad tendencies, Things I need to work through, things that we need to work through. And so some of it can actually be beneficial, as you're saying, if it's done right.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Totally.

[Janine Ward]

To where you're like, okay, we still have some things we need to work through.

[Grant Trout]

And it's so fun because if you find the root of the issue, it's never what you're arguing about. There's been so many points in marriage. I'm like, wait, you just are upset because I forgot to do the dishes? Like, not actually because I'm a bad husband or I'm this or that. It's like, I just, okay, so now I wake up the next morning and I do the dishes or I do this or that. And yeah, I think we talked about this earlier in the last podcast, where you repeat back what the other person said.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

But, yeah, like, when you're in conflict.

[Caleb Ward]

Moments, you're saying, yeah, understanding is huge.

[Janine Ward]

Yeah, like, I learned in premarital counseling that you repeat back, you say, what do you hear me saying? Because again, they could be thinking you said this. And then you're like, that's not what I said. And then you say, what do you hear me saying? And then they say, and then you're like, okay, actually, no, here's what I really meant so it's just like a.

[Grant Trout]

Good, like, practical Google Translate, you know, it's for women. It's like a AI thing.

[Caleb Ward]

It's good.

[Grant Trout]

We need to make that. We should make that. Women AI. It's like translators understand what women are saying.

[Caleb Ward]

Here's what I'm hearing. What is she saying?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

What is she saying?

[Grant Trout]

Help me, please, in English 911.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Sometimes I'm like, we should record ourselves to hear, like, what we're saying, literally. And being like. Cause sometimes you're in the moment and you're like, no, I said this, like. Cause here's the thing with me is my parents say I would have been a really amazing lawyer. And you probably will agree. It's like, I can remember. I'm like, no, you said this at this time. I have receipts. And that's what I have to really pray through. As 1 Corinthians 13 tells us, Keep no record of wrongs. I have to really pray through that. But in fights, I'm like, well, you said this at this time, at this whatever. And Grant's just like, dude, I don't remember what I said, but this is how you made me feel. And I'm like, feelings, feelings. Here's what you said.

[Janine Ward]

That's me.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

So I'm like, whatever.

[Caleb Ward]

She's so facts. And I'm so. But this is how I'm receiving it, feeling. So it doesn't matter what you're saying, because I'm feeling this. And then.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And it's. Yeah, it's seeking to, like, understand and come together and be like, okay, this is what you heard. This is what I meant. And so will you forgive me for what I said? Will you forgive me for how I made you feel? Will you forgive me for this thing?

[Caleb Ward]

I want to hear this. Like, the power of a. Will you forgive me? Like, man, how often do we have to say that in marriage? Every single day. Tell us about some. Like, because that was not modeled as well as it could have been in my home. Yeah, I'm sure you guys have different experiences with that. I want our kids to see will you forgive me? All the time.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Like, not hide conflict.

[Grant Trout]

No.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

But be like, hey, we just had a moment. And then they see the reconciliation.

[Caleb Ward]

See mom and dad go, will you forgive me? So the power of forgiveness, like, has that been a part of Yalls marriage for us?

[Janine Ward]

Yes. Modeled for me? No. But I do think, like, even yesterday, I was in the worst mood ever, and I had literally no idea why. I was just in a really bad mood. And he literally was like, babe, I feel like you're being mean to me. And I could have just been like, no, no, I'm not. Get over it.

[Grant Trout]

Mean. You may.

[Janine Ward]

I'm being really mean right now.

[Caleb Ward]

First of all, shawty said mean.

[Grant Trout]

You can't say that on public camera. Because it's like, the way I didn't say it like that. Be really mean to me.

[Janine Ward]

Like, I know I was.

[Grant Trout]

What I said was, babe, I think you have an attitude that's kind of being rude. I didn't. Yeah, I didn't say, like, mean to me because that sounds. That makes me sound like I'm 12.

[Janine Ward]

Why does it matter how old are you?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Conflicts play out right now. This is perfect.

[Caleb Ward]

So, no, I'm kidding.

[Janine Ward]

And so I had to humble myself, even if I didn't at the time think I was. I said, okay, you're right. Will you forgive me?

[Caleb Ward]

Yeah.

[Grant Trout]

You know, I realize I'm not a Jenny will do some acts of service, but I am all I'm words. You can freaking climb Mount Everest to bring me water if you didn't do it nicely. I don't care. Like, sweat it off. It's so okay.

[Caleb Ward]

But will you. Yeah, the. Will you forgive me? So powerful.

[Grant Trout]

So I don't think I answered your question.

[Janine Ward]

So powerful well.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And I think these are all just, like, such good, practical things that I hope you guys are hearing. Because for a lot of us, and what we've kind of touched on is we've been raised in homes, and what's been modeled for us, whether your parents got divorced, whether you only had one parent, whether your parents were married and cohabitating and living together, but they weren't really acting married, they weren't acting loving, they weren't affectionate, or whether your parents were super, like, passive aggressive or they were escalators. Like, a lot of us haven't seen conflict modeled well. So we fear conflict. But what I want you to hear, if you're listening to this and watching this again, whether you're married, whether you're single and want to be married, wherever you're at is conflict can actually be good. That doesn't mean seek it out. I've had my moments of like, hey, I kind of want to fight a little bit. That's not healthy. So don't seek out the conflict. But, you know, know that when those moments come up of there being a moment of correction, of like, hey, when you said this, it made me feel this way. It didn't make me. I didn't feel seen. I didn't Feel loved. Like, those can be moments to grow in your relationship and grow closer together. So kind of where I want to transition. Now, we've talked a lot about, you know, conflict and how to have healthy conflict. Don't be afraid of conflict, don't necessarily chase conflicts, but how to have healthy conflict. Now I wanna shift gears and talk a little bit about successful communication. And the reason I think so many times, like, our communication can be so off is because men and women are wired differently. And God designed us that way. And I think we can get so angry with, oh, my spouse is just so different. And it's like, no, we're meant to be compliments of each other. We're meant to be different. And it's good that we're different. Cause it's how God designed us. And so instead, resenting the differences, we should learn how to celebrate the differences. And so I want to get into some communication things and first start with addressing, like, men and women have different needs and we are wired differently. Like, women desire security. Women desire, you know, honest and open communication. Women desire, you know, whatever it may be, men desire sex. Men desire domestic. Like, they want to feel like their house is a home and they're taken care of. They desire friendship. Like, we want to have fun and do things together. And so just knowing that the relationship roles and needs are different is really important when we're talking about communication. And so I want to start with that. But I really just want to ask you guys, like, how have you grown in your communication? And what are just some things that you feel like will be really helpful to share with people who are married or want to be married when it comes to communication style. And just some tips that have been helpful for you guys.

[Janine Ward]

Yeah, so actually, when I was single, I read this book called Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. And it was. It's like an older book.

[Grant Trout]

I'm Elon Musk.

[Janine Ward]

It's from John Gray. And he's thus updated it since, however, it broke down that whole, like, hey, this is what he hears when you say this. This is what she hears when you say this. Highly recommend that book. It really helps understand the male brain and the female brain. But I think one thing that we've started to do and we're learning that is, like, maybe there's like, an event in the past that has been tumultuous previously and now you're taking note where you're like, okay, that has caused us conflict in the past. Now we know going forward, how can we plan so we don't get back in that same situation. Maybe there's a particular person in your life who constantly puts a wedge between y'all, so then you can go forward and be like, okay, now we know. So what are we going to do in advance? And so, like, for us, like, we're going to Europe in September with my family, with my sister and brother in law, and we already pre discuss, like, hey, we don't want to argue. If we have a problem, let's do that in private. Let's make sure that we plan ahead so that we're not bickering in front of them. And it might happen. It's family. You're comfortable. And so we're just trying to get ahead and be proactive versus reactive. But kind of what you were saying previously. So I think that's a good little helpful tip.

[Grant Trout]

I love that it's really easy to accidentally embarrass your partner in public. Like, for instance, we were at a birthday party last week, and they were doing karaoke, and Janine doesn't know these friends very well. And so we were like. I was sitting next to her, and I was like, hey, babe. Because Janine's a really good singer.

[Caleb Ward]

I'm learning this today for the first.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Time, and I want to hear it.

[Grant Trout]

I mean, it's funny because I shared a different story and the part that got cut out, and now this is like, another story. So it's like, I'm gonna get a new reaction coming back. But I leaned over to her because I knew she loves karaoke. But, you know, like, we didn't know these people very well. And I knew some of it was my buddy's birthday party, and I was like, hey, maybe, like, don't volunteer to do karaoke. Like, let someone go first and not be the first one, because she's an actually a good singer.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

But I was so intimidating.

[Janine Ward]

I wasn't planning on singing because I knew that. Right.

[Grant Trout]

Do y'all know that karaoke things where, like, someone will get up there and they're.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

They're really good, and everyone's like, boo.

[Grant Trout]

Everyone's like, oh, so. But I. I was, like, making a joke to her. I was like, like, maybe wait a little bit. And so someone goes, janine should sing. Janine should sing. And Janine goes, my husband Caleb told me that I shouldn't sing and, like, told everybody that, like, I was keeping her.

[Janine Ward]

Oh, because from singing, you said it was pick me energy.

[Grant Trout]

I was joking. I was like. I was like, don't. Don't do it's kind of pick me. But it was like I was joking.

[Janine Ward]

Like, we knew it was a joke, Right.

[Grant Trout]

But she told ever. It made me look like I was controlling, that, Like, I wasn't letting her.

[Janine Ward]

Yeah.

[Grant Trout]

Sing karaoke gift. Yeah. And these girls, I'll never forget, they literally go, what?

[Janine Ward]

Really?

[Grant Trout]

And, like, looked at me like I was, like, a horrible person for not letting Janine saying, hey, looks can cut, dude.

[Janine Ward]

For sure.

[Caleb Ward]

Looks.

[Grant Trout]

Woman looked at me bad.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

That's so real, like, shaming. It's so easy to, like, even pick jokes at your, like, spouse. And. And that's something Grant of. I. I have even had to, like, talk through because it's kind of like his. In his family dynamic. They're. They're kind of, like, sarcastic. More sarcastic joke. And I've had to tell him. I'm like, hey, babe, when you say those things in front of your family, like, whether it's about the way I cook chicken or the way I dress or whatever it is, it's like, that kind of makes me feel not very loved. Like, I feel a little, like, shamed. I know you're joking, but I don't feel very loved by that. So I think that's a really good point. Yeah.

[Janine Ward]

Yeah.

[Grant Trout]

Shame. Don't shame your wife, dude.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah. And be careful, too. We talked about this on the part that got cut out, but be careful, too. Janina mentioned last time, don't criticize publicly. And so be sure to praise publicly and criticize privately. So if you have a moment and maybe even instead of criticize, correction, like, correct privately, have a moment of pulling your spouse aside when no one's around and be like, hey, let's talk about this, but save it for when it's private. Those aren't necessarily moments that are needing to be out in the open for all to see. So I think all those things are really, really good tips. And I think another thing, too, that I've seen in communication is just the power of our words. Like, if we think about communicating, it's like we're thinking about talking. We think about words, and just the power of our words. Scripture talks about it in Proverbs 18:21. Our tongue has the power of life and death. It means there's no neutral ground with our words. Like, our words are literally either bringing life or they are bringing death to our spouse. And that is when you're talking to your spouse or about your spouse to someone else. And so being very intentional with our words to our spouse and about our spouse, knowing that it's either building them up or it's tearing them down.

[Caleb Ward]

Yeah, that's so good. I feel like what's really cool with in marriage is you get to call out something you want in your spouse, even if they don't even have it. You can almost speak it over them. Or if they have it a little bit, you call it out of them. Like, how have you seen speaking redemptively? Like, almost like speaking leadership over him.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Right.

[Caleb Ward]

And speaking gifts out of her. And how is words played factor?

[Janine Ward]

Absolutely. I think in the beginning, you know, again, I want to be clear, like, we are still learning and growing, but in the beginning, like, you're learning the most because your newlyweds, it's so new. You've never done this before.

[Caleb Ward]

A little flippant with the tongue?

[Janine Ward]

Yeah, for sure. And I think, like, you can be very naggy or passive or, like, yeah, just very, very critical. And I think I probably was a little bit. And I think now, like, even just the tone, what you were saying, like, earlier today, I think I said something like, hey, babe, do you mind just, like, making the bed instead of being like, I can't believe that you didn't make the bed. It's like, nobody wants to be talked to you like that. Like, he's not a child. And so I think even just correcting your tone or like, the way you say it is changes everything. And so, yeah, I would mainly say.

[Grant Trout]

That probably for me, it's a good quote. It's like, you don't want your spouse to do something in spite of you. You want them to do it for you. And I think that's my thing. It's like, if I want Janine to do something, I don't want her to do it in spite of me. If I'm like, hey, I think you should grow in xyz. If I'm doing it in a way where it's like, demeaning her and it's like, okay, the next time she doesn't do that thing, it's not going to be because it was like, something she was wanting to do because, like, she wants to love me more.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And.

[Grant Trout]

And so just speaking life over each other and encouraging each other of, hey, I see this in you. I see you acting like this, and these two don't align. Can you provide me with, like, some context or clarity of to why you do that and more? Pose it as a question versus a accusation. For instance, like, you've talked about this. Like, you don't like that if we go on a bomb vacation or we do something, if someone asks you about it, you find a way maybe potentially to find a negative in it before positive. And like, I noticed that reoccurring theme and just asking that, like, hey, I see that you act like this.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Why do you act like.

[Janine Ward]

Why do you act like that? Yeah, act like what?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

That's a thing for girls. I mean, I've confessed that to Grant, too, and I think that's such, like, a thing in a woman is like, almost to find the, like, negative or the complaint or the gossip or the tea or the. It's really. It's something we have to fight. And it's why Scripture talks about so much, like, woman, wife, like, be careful. Like, don't be decay to his bones. Be the crown on his head. Like, don't be the leaky roof. Like, be the person that is going to speak life and give life. And I think that's why it's so important on both ends as husband and wife. If you're not married right now, like, as a woman or as a man, using your words to speak life over people and just being careful, you know, with, like, gossiping and complaining and nagging. It ain't cute and it ain't godly, and the more you do it, the more ungodly you're becoming. And so being really, really careful with our words and making sure that it's promoting their character and building them up and not tearing them down.

[Grant Trout]

Do girls talk bad about their husbands in their friend groups?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

I think that's very common. It's very common to get together and just be like, my. My husband did this.

[Janine Ward]

Yeah, totally.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

You have to really fight that.

[Janine Ward]

I'm very aware of that where I'm like, oh, I don't want to be that. Because, I mean, yeah, all of a sudden you're like, all not trauma bonding, but you're bonding over, like, crapping on your husband. And that's just not cute either.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

No.

[Janine Ward]

So that's another thing I think women definitely need to be.

[Grant Trout]

Guys do it too. Yeah, for sure.

[Janine Ward]

I think people just do it, period. But I just don't think that's a cute quality.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah, man, this has been so good. And I know. I'm going to let you close out with the final question, but I just want to say, like, marriage, it takes a lot of work, and we're all still growing and we're all still learning. And that's the beauty of just life and following Jesus and doing life. Married and doing life well is like, every day you're going to Be growing and getting better. And one of the ways we've been able to grow in our marriage is to surround ourselves with other godly marriages. And we're so grateful for you guys and just your friendship. I'm so thankful for you in my life that I can confess to you, Hey, I didn't love Grant well in this moment, and so I would just challenge everyone listening, like, find accountability. Find godly marriages and relationships that you can do life with. And for my ladies out there, like, have your girlfriend that instead of complaining about your husband, like, evaluate yourself and check yourself and be and be confessing to your friends and say, hey, will you hold me accountable? Hey, will you pray for me? I didn't love my spouse well in this moment, and I think that has been huge for our marriage. On top of just the power of prayer and asking for forgiveness. The third thing I truly would say is, like, godly community and doing life with other people has been so huge for us to build a strong, healthy, godly marriage.

[Caleb Ward]

Yeah, really good. Really good, guys. Y'all are some of our closest people, and we're just so honored to be in this race with y'all. We see behind camera, off camera, and it's such a beautiful thing to see because you're so real. And so I just want to give you guys a moment to speak to the people that do see you on camera. There's a lot of eyes on you guys. What do you want people to see in your marriage when they look at y'all and they look at your life? What do you want them to see?

[Grant Trout]

Live a very normal life as far as just, like, the day to day. It's so easy to look at just the highlight reel of Instagram or podcasting and just think that, like, oh, Maddie, Grant have everything together. You know, Janine or Caleb, you know, they must just talk in Bible scripture 24:7. And it's just like, life is so much more normal. I never want our relationship to be a stumbling block. I've talked to Janine about that, where I never want to come across as holier than thou or that I know scripture better than anybody or that I'm this. Like, I have made so many mistakes. I have hurt people. I have done just so many things that, like, I'm embarrassed by that. Even people who might know me or, like, know, like, the sinful person that I am going, oh, he's up on that podcast thinking he's just holier than thou and, you know, should start a marriage conference because he's married. Now, to an influencer, like, no, none of that is. Is our heart. It's just we want to be a place where our relationship can make someone a laugh and have fun with and just, like, be a part of our life in a way where we can also encourage them to follow the Lord and to grow more really in love with him because he's changed our life. And so that's what I would say.

[Janine Ward]

Pretty baby. Yeah. I feel like regardless of whether we get it right or wrong, because we're going to get it wrong, I hope that people see the way that we love each other is an example of how Jesus loves us. And like, God pursues us relentlessly even when we still separate ourselves in sin and struggle. And I hope that people see our purity, like, cause we will get it wrong. And I hope that people see that regardless, like, we are always trying to get back on track to follow God, to honor him, honor each other, and, like, be a light off camera, on camera. Because, again, it's easy to have these podcasts and speak in these eloquent ways. But, like, we hope that no matter what, like, people see that we have pure hearts, pure intentions to seek Christ and honor him regardless. So I hope that people see our purity.

[Grant Trout]

I'm just. I'm blessed. I literally have the greatest wife in the entire world.

[Janine Ward]

Like, we love y'all so much.

[Caleb Ward]

We love y'all and we're so with y'all, and y'all are the real deal. And it's just. God is just getting started with you. I laugh so hard with you. My girl is so obsessed with you and just loves you so much. So thank you all for finally joining you guys.

[Janine Ward]

You'll make us better as well.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Thankful for y'all and I. And I hope everyone hearing again, no matter your relationship, status or season of life, your marriage is struggling. You want to be married, your marriage is thriving, but you always want to keep growing wherever you're at. I just pray that you realize that marriage is not the ultimate goal. Knowing and loving Jesus is the ultimate goal. And whether you're single, dating, married, engaged, like, whatever your status is and whatever your life looks like, our goal is to glorify God. And I'm thankful to do life alongside people where it's like, hey, we're married. That's where God has us right now. And our marriage is to glorify God. Our marriage is to make us look more like Christ and to reflect Christ to the world. And so that is our goal in marriage. I really hope that this podcast I know it has encouraged you guys and I know the enemy was scared of it because there was some spiritual warfare, but I feel like we finished better. I feel like the second half was really great.

[Grant Trout]

I like this better too.

[Janine Ward]

Yeah, I agree.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

I'm so thankful. Thank you Jesus. And we love you guys. Let us know what you took away from this episode and how it encouraged you. Be sure to go and check out Happy and Healthy podcast. We also recorded an episode. We did a little podcast swap. Hers is already out, so be sure to go and check out that episode as well. And thank you guys. We love y'all.

[Janine Ward]

Thanks for having us.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And as always, be sure to stay you stay true. We love you.

[Janine Ward]

Bye.

[Grant Trout]

See guys.