Stay True with Madison Prewett Troutt: Episode Summary – "Relationship Red Flags with Kait and JJ Tomlin"

Release Date: August 11, 2025

Introduction

In this insightful episode of "Stay True", host Madison Prewett Troutt is joined by relationship coaches Kait and JJ Tomlin to discuss the crucial topic of relationship red flags. The conversation delves into understanding different dating personalities, identifying red flags versus deal breakers, navigating current trends in Christian dating, and establishing healthy spiritual boundaries.

Understanding Dating Personalities

Madison introduces Kait and JJ as relationship and dating coaches who co-host the podcast "Heart of Dating". They present a dating personality quiz designed to help individuals understand themselves and their potential partners better. The quiz categorizes daters into six distinct types:

1. Lone Wolf:

   • Description: Highly independent individuals who fear being needed and commitment, often delaying or avoiding binding relationships.
   • Quote: “They are just hyper individual and afraid of being needed” ([09:11] – Grant).

2. Hopeless Romantic:

   • Description: Dreamers who invest deeply in love but may overlook red flags due to their idealistic view of relationships.
   • Quote: “They're wearing rose-colored glasses. So every single flag looks just like a flag” ([07:27] – JJ).

3. Overthinker:

   • Description: Highly critical thinkers who analyze every aspect of a relationship, often leading to fear and withdrawal.
   • Quote: “They're overanalyzing everything, maybe run away because they're too critical” ([07:00] – JJ).

4. Safety Seeker:

   • Description: Individuals who prioritize being in a relationship over the quality, settling for comfort over potential.
   • Quote: “They’ll settle because they don’t believe they can get something better” ([08:58] – Kate).

5. Wanderer:

   • Description: Fun-loving, commitment-averse personalities who prioritize enjoyment and are often hesitant to build lasting relationships.
   • Quote: “They are addicted to the fun energy and have a fear of a better option” ([09:13] – Grant).

6. Intentional Romantic:

   • Description: The healthiest type, characterized by deliberate and purposeful relationship-building, though they may struggle with pride at times.
   • Quote: “They hold others to high standards, almost too impossible to meet” ([11:09] – JJ).

Personal Stories and Quiz Insights

Madison, Kait, and JJ take the quiz live, revealing themselves as Intentional Romantics. They share personal anecdotes about their dating journeys, highlighting the importance of finding peace and aligned purpose in relationships.

• Madison's Story: Madison recounts a past relationship where her partner broke up with her, emphasizing the need for peace and purpose alignment.

  • Quote: “I know he was my husband. God had already spoken to me” ([16:57] – Madison).

• Kait and JJ's Experience: They discuss how they overcame initial red flags and built a strong, intentional relationship.

  • Quote: “He was more physically attracted to me after childbirth because he saw my spirit and godliness” ([54:54] – Grant).

Key Topics Discussed

1. Teachability and Spiritual Growth in Dating

JJ emphasizes the importance of teachability in a partner, stating:

• Quote: “The prerequisite for every person, I think, should be teachability” ([57:31]).

2. Pickiness vs. Intentionality

The discussion distinguishes between being picky and being intentional. Madison and Kait highlight the necessity of high godly standards versus unrealistic worldly expectations.

• Quote: “How do you know what's like high godly standards? This is what God has called me to” ([46:51] – Madison).

3. Red Flags vs. Deal Breakers

They clarify that red flags are “stop signs” to gather more information, whereas deal breakers are unequivocal reasons to end a relationship.

• Quote: “Red flag is a stop sign... Deal breaker is a U-turn, run, forest, run” ([59:30] – JJ).

4. Handling Habitual Sin in Relationships

Grant discusses addressing issues like pornography and addiction, stressing the importance of godly repentance over worldly repentance.

• Quote: “Godly repentance leads to sorrow, but worldly repentance leads to sin” ([60:18] – Grant).

5. Spiritual Boundaries in Dating

The trio reflects on maintaining spiritual boundaries, ensuring that emotional and spiritual intimacy develop appropriately within the relationship's timeframe.

• Quote: “Pray together as individuals, but not as one” ([69:54] – JJ).

Current Trends in Christian Dating

Madison highlights the increasing number of singles in the church and the cultural decline in the appeal of marriage. She mentions:

• Quote: “The church has never been as single as it is today” ([41:22] – Madison).

JJ adds that many Christian women feel there are “no good Christian guys left,” a misconception he seeks to dispel by encouraging prayer and support rather than criticism.

• Quote: “If you're only focusing on that, then it will never become better” ([41:22] – JJ).

Recommendations and Insights

The guests advocate for:

• Curiosity Over Judgment: Approaching dating with a spirit of curiosity rather than immediate judgment.

  • Quote: “Always approach every date with curiosity... honor the God image in them” ([30:45] – JJ).

• Building on Character and Spiritual Alignment: Prioritizing character, spiritual alignment, and mutual growth over physical attraction.

  • Quote: “I want you to be attracted to their godliness” ([51:09] – JJ).

• Healthy Boundary-Setting: Establishing appropriate boundaries to maintain the sanctity and purpose of Christian relationships.

  • Quote: “There’s no need to get emotionally, spiritually, physically naked right off the bat” ([71:13] – Grant).

Conclusion

Madison wraps up the episode by reaffirming the importance of identifying red flags, setting clear standards, and seeking relationships that foster mutual growth and spiritual alignment. She also promotes her new book, "Dare to be True," which explores similar themes of truth and freedom in personal life and relationships.

• Quote: “This book is for you... Dare to be True” ([20:48] – Madison).

Listeners are left with valuable insights on maintaining healthy relationships, understanding personal dating tendencies, and prioritizing spiritual growth.

Notable Quotes

1. Grant: “The Wanderer is probably one of the number one cancers killing healthy relationships and dating” ([09:26]).

2. JJ: “We use attraction on a scale of, like, ranking privately” ([47:37]).

3. Madison: “When you know the truth, it's the truth that will set you free” ([20:49] – paraphrased).

4. Kait: “It's why you see those couples that have been together for 40 years say, 'I'm more attracted to her than I've ever been'” ([51:23]).

This episode provides a comprehensive exploration of relationship dynamics within the Christian dating scene, offering actionable advice and personal anecdotes that resonate with listeners seeking to stay true in their relationships.