← Stay True with Madison Prewett Troutt
Stay True with Madison Prewett Troutt
What and How to Pray for Your Future Husband with Christian Bevere
01:10:00
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- [00:00]
Madison Pruitt Trout
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- [00:21]
Christian Bevere
We're lost. I'm going to pull over and ask that man for directions. Hi there.
- [00:26]
Madison Pruitt Trout
We're looking to get to the campground. Well, you're going to take a left at the old oak tree end of.
- [00:31]
Christian Bevere
This here road now. No, I'm just kidding.
- [00:32]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Let me get my phone out. How are you getting a signal out here?
- [00:35]
Christian Bevere
T Mobile and US Cellular decided to merge.
- [00:37]
Madison Pruitt Trout
So the network out here is huge.
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Christian Bevere
We're getting the same great signal as the city and saving a boatload with all the benefits.
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Madison Pruitt Trout
Oh, and a five year price guarantee.
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Christian Bevere
Okay, here's those directions.
- [00:46]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Actually, can you point us in the.
- [00:48]
Christian Bevere
Direction of a T Mobile store?
- [00:50]
Madison Pruitt Trout
America's best network just got bigger. Switch to T Mobile today and get built in benefits the other guys leave.
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Christian Bevere
Out plus our five year price guarantee.
- [00:59]
Madison Pruitt Trout
And now T Mobile is available in US Cellular stores.
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Christian Bevere
Best mobile network based on analysis by Ookle of speed test intelligence data 2H 2025 bigger network.
- [01:10]
Madison Pruitt Trout
The combination of T Mobile's and US.
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Christian Bevere
Cellular's network footprints will enhance the T Mobile network's coverage price guarantee on talk text and data exclusions like taxes and fees apply. See t mobile.com for details. Watch how you speak about singleness because you will either perpetuate this loop of less than or you perpetuate this hope for what can be.
- [01:29]
Madison Pruitt Trout
How do you keep praying with faith but not lose hope in the midst of it?
- [01:34]
Christian Bevere
Do you have a character? Do you have a true relationship with God? Are you a man of integrity? Are you a man of your word?
- [01:39]
Madison Pruitt Trout
For the person that's asking like what should I actually be praying for my future spouse? What would you say to them?
- [01:44]
Christian Bevere
There's all these negative attachments that we are putting on singleness and wondering why we feel hopeless.
- [01:50]
Madison Pruitt Trout
If you're like faking what you got to do to get the guy we're not catfishing. You have to fake to keep the guy.
- [01:56]
Christian Bevere
Pray for the things that are going to be part of your marriage, not just part of your dating.
- [01:59]
Madison Pruitt Trout
How can they steward this season well and let God heal their heart.
- [02:03]
Christian Bevere
The car rides like looking out the window looking out the window and like.
- [02:05]
Madison Pruitt Trout
A tear streaming down your like maybe.
- [02:07]
Christian Bevere
The car passing my husband. You're like seven years Old.
- [02:16]
Madison Pruitt Trout
What's up, guys? Welcome back to another episode of Stay True podcast. I'm your host, Madison Pruitt Trout, and we have a guest on the podcast today who has been on the podcast before and who I'm related to, who has her own podcast and who has another book coming out. If you guys haven't guessed it yet, it's Christian Bevere. Hello, everybody.
- [02:40]
Christian Bevere
Thanks for having me back.
- [02:41]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Yay. And it's her first time. We just realized in the studio, because whenever I recorded with Chris, I call her Chris. She's cousin. You guys can't call her Chris.
- [02:50]
Christian Bevere
I'm just kidding. I guess, you guys, according to Arden, you can't because it's two guys.
- [02:53]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Yeah. It's too boyish. He's like, Chris and Arden. That just feels weird.
- [02:56]
Christian Bevere
He's like, we can't buy, like, a good guy store brand.
- [02:59]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Yeah. But we recorded in my house. I think I had moved in, like, two or three weeks before. I was very pregnant. Our last episode, yet I had not moved in yet. I don't even think her room was done yet. And yeah, I was very pregnant. I look back at the episode, and I was like, wow. I was like, My tummy was. It was popping. It was really popping. But the people loved that episode. That one was on your last book, and that was how to break up with what broke you?
- [03:28]
Christian Bevere
Break up with what?
- [03:29]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Break up with what broke you? Break up with what broke you. Phenomenal book. Such a good book and really encouraged a lot of people. And so I'm excited to talk about this new book. But before we get into that, if you guys can't tell, if you're not watching this episode, I am in a sweater with hearts all over it, and it's pink. Pink. And that is because it's about to be Valentine's Day. I don't wear this on the norm.
- [03:51]
Christian Bevere
Really? I saw you wearing it last week.
- [03:54]
Madison Pruitt Trout
I think I'm usually in my neutrals, my black and white. Even when I'm.
- [03:58]
Christian Bevere
You do your color on your Jordans?
- [03:59]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Yeah, I color my Jordans.
- [04:01]
Christian Bevere
I.
- [04:01]
Madison Pruitt Trout
My last book, I was like, I have to go a little bit more subtle because my first two books were so, like, in your face, like this, like, pop of blue, this pop of hot pink. And this last one, I was like, we gotta, like, dial it back a little bit because my personality is actually much more chill. Well, actually, it's not chill. Like, I'm talking about my color palette. I should say my color palette is.
- [04:22]
Christian Bevere
A lot more chill.
- [04:22]
Madison Pruitt Trout
She's like, your Personality is not chill. So Chris and I seen each other through a lot of seasons of life, and we now. It's so cute. Are getting to watch our daughters, like, start just, like, playing with each other. And Chris and I laugh all the time because there's this, like, one moment that our moms tell us about where you. You stole my crackers. Is that what it was? Or my bottle or my passy.
- [04:47]
Christian Bevere
Probably all of it. All of it.
- [04:49]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Everything.
- [04:49]
Christian Bevere
Because we're six months apart.
- [04:51]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Six months apart. You were chunky. I was chunky. So. And then both of our babies are chunky. But the other day, our babies were together, and I can't remember what was happening. I don't know if Tatum or Rosanna was trying to steal the other person's food. And I was like, this is literally, like, it's a generational thing now.
- [05:06]
Christian Bevere
Yeah, this is how I was, like, trying to, like, hold her face and then grab her cheeks. And she was like, another girl.
- [05:13]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Another girl.
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Christian Bevere
She's like, praise God, this brother just keeps tackling me.
- [05:17]
Madison Pruitt Trout
No, but it's. It's so fun, like, getting to now witness, like, our little, like, they're gonna get to grow up together. We grew up together all the time. Like, my mom tells me that every single time we would play together. And she was like, okay, it's time to go, Maddie. Like, I would pitch a fit and have a full on breakdown, come apart. Like, no, you will not take Christian from me.
- [05:37]
Christian Bevere
Right?
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Madison Pruitt Trout
Like, you were like, my favorite thing. My mom was telling me about a time that we were at the mall. And I think I talked about this in my book a little bit, but we were at the mall and she was like, it's time to go. And I did not want to go. I wanted to stay with you and keep shopping at the mall. And I literally had, like, the biggest breakdown in the middle of the mall parking lot. I'm, like, ripping out her earrings. I'm screaming.
- [06:00]
Christian Bevere
But anyway, that's a strong love bond, right?
- [06:02]
Madison Pruitt Trout
That is a strong. I mean, from day one. And I mean, and also when you're just, like, living in a small town in Alabama, it's just like, all we did was play outside. And I think we, like, called in radio stations a few times, did some car washes.
- [06:19]
Christian Bevere
We would always, when we went out, whether it was, like, on an actual vacation or it was just to Walmart or Piggly Wiggly because we're from small town in Alabama, we would switch shoes. Like, I'd wear one of my shoes and one of your shoes. Oh, my gosh. And then often we'd like, fake accents. I don't know.
- [06:33]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Oh, I remember the accents.
- [06:34]
Christian Bevere
This is why we shouldn't have screens, because, I mean, look at that kind of creativity.
- [06:38]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Listen, guys, we've been grinding since day one. I mean, I think we did the accent thing whenever we called in, like, the radio stations and we. Okay, no, this is actually so relevant to what we're talking about with your book and also to Valentine's Day, because we were such, like, hopeless romantic. We loved love. And I feel like we would call in these radio stations and, like, we would always ask them to play some type of, like, love.
- [07:02]
Christian Bevere
Jesse McCartney.
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Madison Pruitt Trout
Yes.
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Christian Bevere
He was our favorite.
- [07:04]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Oh, my gosh. Some type of love song. And then we would just, like, think about, like, who we're gonna end up making. Music video. Make a music video. I mean, we were just like. I was literally thinking about that the other day, about how much I was such a. I loved love from a young age. I would, like, sit out in the pouring rain and play Hillary Duff and like. And literally, like, just, like, act like I was on a music video.
- [07:27]
Christian Bevere
Yeah, like what the car rides, like, looking out the window.
- [07:30]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Looking out the window and, like, a tear streaming down your head.
- [07:32]
Christian Bevere
Like, maybe the car passed by. Be my husband. You're, like, 7 years old. I don't.
- [07:35]
Madison Pruitt Trout
And it doesn't, like, ever really go away, because then you get older, and you're like, I'm gonna sit down and hopefully on this plane ride next to my, like, you know, forever person. Like, maybe this is my person.
- [07:45]
Christian Bevere
Yeah. I did just see a video yesterday of that actually happened for a couple. So, I mean, so don't worry. Maybe some of this, like, imaginative stuff, and that's honestly what a lot of this book was rooted out of, is me trying to decipher between what is my hopeless romanticness and then what is actually my planning, my preparation, and my surrender. I don't think we talk about those actually being in the same wheelhouse enough.
- [08:06]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Yeah.
- [08:07]
Christian Bevere
So that's why I wrote a book or two.
- [08:09]
Madison Pruitt Trout
No, literally, I was asking a Christian right before this, because. Okay, so it's called. So the book is called Future Husband. I'm like, okay, so I'm trying to get this right.
- [08:17]
Christian Bevere
Test.
- [08:17]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Future husband, present parents. But then the journal is called Dear Future Husband. And I love this concept so much because it's very much tied to what you did with Arden and kind of that whole process. So get us into that. Like, what was your journey of singleness and then meeting Arden and Then you guys getting married and then kind of transition that into, like, why you wrote this book and journal.
- [08:42]
Christian Bevere
Yeah, I'd love to share that story. And I mean, you got to walk through some of it. And honestly, you walked out some of it too, in your own way. And for anyone listening, it's like, how did she get a guy sounding like that? I'm so sorry. We have a sinus infection. So just pretend. Just pretend. This is really methodical and all the things. But we went to college together and that was such an amazing gift. Honestly, that was a big turning point in my singleness. I feel like I didn't have a lot of really close, good girlfriends through high school. And part of that was a lot of where some of my first identity issues with relationships came from is trying to find validation through guys. I wasn't so much keen on, like, the hookup culture and stuff. I just really wanted to be noticed. Yeah. And then I can point back now, today, where a lot of that stems from and a lot of when I started to choose those things. But we went to college together and it was great. I started to like, actually walk in my identity, walk in my faith more.
- [09:35]
Madison Pruitt Trout
And by we, she means me and her. Not Aran yet.
- [09:37]
Christian Bevere
He's not.
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Madison Pruitt Trout
He's not entered the.
- [09:39]
Christian Bevere
He wasn't here. He was here, but not.
- [09:40]
Madison Pruitt Trout
He was here, but not with you.
- [09:41]
Christian Bevere
No, no, no.
- [09:42]
Madison Pruitt Trout
We were still trying to figure out.
- [09:43]
Christian Bevere
Australia and Virginia and all these places at that time. He was trying to find me. He was on a hunt. Exactly. On a little treasure hunt. Because women are a gift. More on that later. But yeah, Maddie and I were in college and I feel like we were both going through a lot. We both were in two good relationships with, you know, God fearing men. But throwing this cause out there. Just because they love the Lord does not mean that they are your spouse. I think there's so much intentionality, one of who we are when we are ready to choose that person. Like, that really, really has to be there to make not just you choose a good person, but to make a good connection and good covenant together. But then, yeah, we heard that advice. I won't say who, but we have a leader we trusted that was like, just find someone that's cute and loves Jesus. And I was like, I feel like there has to be a little bit more ingredients to making this great recipe. And so I feel like the day that I got my diploma and walked across that college stage, I also got this like, postpone notice where I went through a breakup. I didn't get the jobs I thought I wanted. I was moving back home to my old job that I started before college. And I was like, lord, I feel like we've been growing and now we're just taking, like, ten steps back. Like, literally just spent thousands of dollars to do what I was doing before school. Like, none of this really makes sense from one what I want, but also what makes sense. And a lot of our friends were getting married and they were getting the dream jobs and they were moving to the big cities. Humbling season. Yeah. I was like, co cool, Lord. Loneliness, let's do it. But honestly, that was one of the best things that could have happened to me.
- [11:21]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Yeah.
- [11:21]
Christian Bevere
Because I felt like I had this catalytic growth of, hey, let's restore what your identity is. And then it almost got swept away of, okay, but let's really cement that and let's uproot the things that were causing those bad behaviors, those bad choices, the things that happened to you and the things that you were doing to other people by the way that you were carrying yourself. And it was just such a beautiful season of yes. I did feel isolated, and I did watch the rom coms and I did cry and I did get tempted to settle at some points. But then I really cemented to, lord, what is your design for marriage? What are the things that you've promised me that I have cast away as falsehoods because of what I've seen in the world? What are the things you want to heal in my heart so I can be not just married, but be a good, fruitful wife and be a daughter of you that carries out marriage in such this beautiful way because you've designed it. And so that led to getting this Dudish Bible on Amazon. Dudish, as in it was brown. I was like, yeah, cool. Checks the box and just started praying into it. And granted, I had my own Bible, so, like, there was still this intimate time with the Lord, if he was healing me. But then it also was this, you know, if I believe for marriage, if this is such a keen desire in my heart that I'm making music videos at 7 years old for this, like, let me back that up with not just hope, but with action, but with faith. And Hebrews 11 says that faces the assurance of the things not yet seen. So that means I have to walk as if I'm in it before I even see it. And that's not just like, please, please, please, and like, your knuckles turning pale because you're grasping it so tight. It is, wow. I'm going to steward this before it's even in my hands. And so that's why I'm such a big proponent of prayer. Not just because it, quote, unquote, works. And, like, I got my guy, but it transformed me. It cemented something. And when that guy came, I said, lord, I know that this is you because of the ways you've prepared me for it, the ways that you've shown up, the ways that you've confirmed this, the fruit that it has brought about. And so that's my hope for women. Like, yes, that we can find our parts and be, you know, this beautiful expression of Christ in the body, in marriage. But also that we can be whole beings and that we can say, look what God did. And look what he did through my faith and through my application. Because we see so many moves of God's spirit that throughout the whole Bible, I mean, Moses, he says, hey, I see the suffering that my Israelites have in Egypt. I see the way that they're persecuted, that their hearts hurt. So I'm going to send you to go do something about it, Joshua. I want my people to live in this area. I'm going to send you to go be a conqueror. And so it's like, there has to be this action that is moved. And so if you're single and thinking, man, I'm just lonely. I feel like God doesn't see me. What is the part he's calling you to do to carry out the things that he wants for you? Because he knows us. The word yada means that there's this intimate knowing. So if you were struggling in singleness, I don't think it should just be like, oh, you're fine, honey, like, don't care about it. It's okay, man. The Lord hears every single prayer I pray. He knows my heart's desire. He knows my longing, in which, granted, we can skew that to be more painful than it is. If it's just like, okay, once I get married, I'm gonna be successful or something, I don't think the Lord's like, well, no, like, I'm still here with you now, but if it does come with those aches and longings, yeah, he knows us in the intimate way. And so I believe prayer is a way one to cast those anxieties on him, but then also to say, lord, like, refine me, recalibrate me to your direction. What do you want me to see and work on and do and move? Like, I want to hear you to. If it's, hey, I need you to get this idol out of your heart. I need you to get this pain and this trauma or it's, I want you to go to this place on a Thursday and whoop, your guy's there. Like, all of that is so incremental. Huge in that walk and in that desire.
- [15:04]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Hey, friends, it's Maddie. If you've read my new book, Dare to Be True, I would love to hear what you think. Your reviews mean so much to me. They help more people discover the message and the heart behind this book. So if this book has encouraged you, challenged you, or reminded you to live with bold faith and honesty, would you just take a minute to leave a review? It truly makes such a difference. And if you haven't gotten my new book yet, Dare to Be True, you can go and find it anywhere books are sold. Thank you so much for being a part of this journey and for daring to be true right alongside me. Stay True Merch Drop. We got a new Stay True Merch collection, you guys. And this is my favorite collection yet. I am wearing the jersey from the Stay True Merch collection. And you guys, it is so amazing. It says Stay True on the front, Stay free on the back. It's got John 8:32. It is the coolest jersey you've ever seen. But we have sweatshirts, we got T shirts. This is seriously my favorite collection yet. This is the perfect Christmas gift, birthday gift, New Year gift to yourself. You guys, you need to check out this new collection. I'm so excited about it. And you can go to Stay True podcast dot com. We'll also include the link to the exact merch landing page in the show notes. You guys gotta go and check it out. Let me know what you think. If you rep it, tag us. We want to see it. Go and check it out, you guys. That's so good. You hit on so many things that I want to dive into. And one of those things being you talked about how you were in a season for a while where you were seeking validation and you were seeking attention and just wanted to be seen. You just wanted to be loved. And I think that's so real. Like, I don't care if you come from a broken home, a whole home. I don't care if you have had traumatic breakups in the past or relationships in the past or you've never dated before. I think that's such a. Especially for women and, you know, for. For those of us who are women. I mean, guys too, I guess. But for a lot of the women out there, it's so ingrained in our mind and in our hearts, whether that's because of Hollywood songs, music, like, whatever it may be, some of it is even just the way that we're designed by God, but we just so desire that. And so I would love to have you kind of speak into maybe the person who is. Who doesn't feel whole, like they. They feel like they're waiting for that person. You know, there's that whole phrase, like, you complete me. When you find your person, you will be completed. And you're just like, walking around half a person until you find that person. That can make you this whole person. And, you know, of course, as believers, we don't believe that because we believe that Jesus makes us fully whole. However, when you find the person that God has for you, they are such a compliment and an addition to all that God has in store for the two of you to do together. But to the person who right now is seeking that validation, seeking that wholeness, seeking that completion, and is just really in a place right now where they feel confused on their identity or their purpose. But because they haven't received that, can you speak into that a little bit? And how can you, when you're in a state of singleness, not feel, lack, and feel like you're a less than person because you haven't found your person yet?
- [18:23]
Christian Bevere
Yeah, it's so real. And I love that you touched on that specific specification of, you know, it doesn't really matter what that root is. And I think you're right. Some of it is just we. We are made relationally as beings. And so it's like, you will feel half untapped if you are not pouring into people, if you're not in a community. You know, relationships fulfill us in a certain way because they carry out the facets of God. And we get to see him working in and through us. So, you know, yeah, if you're staying home every Friday night and all this stuff, you're gonna feel like, woe is me because there's something in you untapped. And so I think a healthy way of walking that out and walking out how to be a good wife in the future is being a good friend, being a good sibling, being a good mentor, or, you know, you and I did an internship. And so for us, a lot of that was, wow, I'm doing school and internships and friendships and dating. I'm getting all my little tabs checked. But it also, like, serving as such a way to carry that out in a way of, like, honestly, good marriage. Prep marriage is servanthood. And especially when you have young children, it's like, it does feel like we're like tapping in and out. And so it's like I have to really love you and serve you well. And so start tapping into, you know, where, where are those longings being pronged in right now? Doesn't mean it has to only stay there, but it's a good way to facilitate that. And I think once you're getting those healthy fill ins, you can identify, oh, maybe I do have too much of an expectation to this be filled. Maybe I'm, I haven't tapped into an identity yet. Or maybe I'm seeing like, wow, this feels really good to give back. It feels really good to be poured into. It feels really good to be. Even if I know that that is a big desire in my heart that I'm in a house that is going to perpetuate the, the, the presence of God. Like going back to Hebrews 11 and it says that the Christian version, because not saying it word for, but whoever draws near to him must believe that he hears and that he rewards those who call upon him. And so the reward is his presence. It's not that, you know, I'm going to get my identity completely fulfilled in this life or I'm going to have my presence or my identity wrapped up in my marriage because there will always be this longing until we are in eternity. And so I think knowing that, like we talked about this when you had hosanna, no one prepares you for postpartum of like, hey, there's still going to be things you work through. It's not, you have the baby and then you bounce back and you're like, oh, I feel better. There's still these post things that you go through. Yeah. And the same is true of marriage. You don't just get married and think, oh, my life is completely better. I got a ring, I'm good to go. Yeah, like you still have this relational longing that can only be satisfied in God.
- [21:04]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Amen.
- [21:05]
Christian Bevere
And so knowing that, I think is huge for singleness. Because then you're like, oh, something's not completely wrong with me. Yeah, it helps you to fulfill that. But then also, yeah, just walking in that and then another part of it. I think we really have entertained the fear of man and dating. And it's like, oh, I have to be the best catch. I have to be noticed by the guys. I have to stand out as the prettiest or the funniest or whatever it is. And if we can get back to the fear of the Lord. And I think actually having reverence for what marriage is, it's not to just fluff you up. And it's not to have, like, the social standard of, like, getting the best guy. And there's so much of that. Especially you mentioned coming from a small town, it's like, oh, well, who's going out with who? And like, your status is almost equated or your worth to, like, if you can get the best guy means you're a really good catch. And so if we take the fear of man out of, you know, that comes from, like, a pride issue. It also comes from an insecurity of, oh, goodness, what are they thinking when they see me? Like, I'm so nervous to go on this date. Some of those butterflies are cute and a fun part of it, but some of it can really be damaging to our identity. And so you're not actually walking in your true personality or your true character because you're just burdened by the thoughts of, well, what if I say this and what if I do that? And it comes across so differently? That is something that the Lord really healed me in. And I would think, okay, I don't want to be a burden to this person, so I'm just not going to say something and then it burdens them because I'm not actually communicating something. Right. The same comes in when we're dating. If, like, you were not you and you were a guy, you're talking to me and you were trying to get to know me, but my whole time I'm thinking, oh, that sounds stupid. I'm not going to say that. I really hope this person likes me. You're not going to get to know me because I'm not actually opening up.
- [22:43]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Yeah.
- [22:44]
Christian Bevere
And so I've run around your question a bunch, but the fear of the Lord, of what is the intention of marriage? How am I pursuing that even through the way that I date? What is the intention of relationships in my life and how am I living that even before I get to the most intimate relationship I will have on this earth, and that is marriage.
- [23:02]
Madison Pruitt Trout
That's so good. I love that you brought it back to that. Because I think if we are dissatisfied and discontent when with who God is and who we are in him, then we're going to continue to experience disappointment in life. Because no person can satisfy what only Jesus can, and no relationship status can satisfy what only Jesus can. But what you're saying is, is when you allow the Lord to do the work in your heart and you get healed and you get healthy and you get whole, and you find that truly satisfied content state with Jesus. Then whenever that right person comes, you're fully ready and you hear God's voice in it. There's not that, like, confusion or that insecurity, not that there's not moments of that. But, like, you overall have this more, like, sure, secure sense of, like, I know who I am in Christ. I feel God's presence in this. I'm hearing God's voice because I've let him do the hard work in that season of healing before this. And I remember when I broke up with. With my ex that we were talking about earlier, that I dated for five years, thought I was gonna marry, and I was going through that season of breakup, and it was so hard, and all of my friends were getting married, and it was so, so, man, just like, I don't even know the word. Humbling, embarrassing, isolating, so many different things. And I remember praying that prayer of, like, lord, don't let me come out of this season until you're done doing with me what you need to do with me. And, like, what. When you're done doing in me what you need to do in me. And I just think so often we can be so much more focused on what we're waiting for than who we're waiting with. And we're so focused on, like, what God can give us than just being with God, who is the giver and who is the reward, like you're saying. And in that season, I just remember praying, like, lord, heal my heart so that when. Whenever you want to, if that's your will, give me this beautiful gift of marriage, if that's your will for my life, like, I want to be ready for it, and I want to steward it well and right. Like you're talking about. And I think so often we don't fully let ourselves, like, do that and get there and pray those prayers and really sit with the Lord in it. Rather, we're, like, constantly focused on, you know, our insecurities or our unmet expectations or what everybody else has. And so we don't let the Lord really, you know, heal our heart. And so how. How was that for you? You. You touched on it a little bit. But when you're in that in between season, you graduated college, you went back home, your life was not the way you thought it was gonna be. And, you know, everyone around you is getting married and maybe landed their dream job. And your season was kind of met with, like, unmet expectations and disappointment and how did you face that and what was your process like and relationship like with God as you were in that healing journey? I mean, really going practical, who were like, yeah, that's me. Like, my season is not what I thought. I thought I was going to be married by now. I thought I was gonna have kids by now. And my prayers haven't been answered. I've been in this waiting, disappointed season. Can you kind of speak to that person for a second of just one, like, spiritually, what did that look like? But even like some practicals of how can they steward this season well and let God heal their heart?
- [26:21]
Christian Bevere
Yeah. I mean, you say speak. That is the biggest thing thing. My singles watch how you speak about singleness because you will either perpetuate this loop of less than or you'll perpetuate this hope for what can be. And I see so many singles. I mean, I love our dear future husband community. Like, there's so many amazing girls there. We have some that will say practically, hey, I implemented this advice and I broke up with a bad guy. And six months later I met this incredible guy that I didn't even think existed. And we have other women that say, I've been doing this and it's brought a joy, but I've been single still for three years. But I have this hope and I have this peace. And so I think it really is your mindset. It doesn't have the genie in the bottle effect of like, oh, just put on a happy face and then he'll come. But it changes the way you show up in singleness. I hear quite a few women say, well, there's just no one to date or every other girl got a guy, or how I ever meet someone here. Like, there's all these negative attachments that we are putting on singleness and wondering why we feel hopeless and we wonder why we feel disappointed. And it's not because we really are evaluating where we're going or what possibilities are. It's because we're speaking death over it. I mean, we know that the power of life and death is in the tongue and not just about actuality of what's going to happen, but just even how you feel until you meet someone of if you're just speaking all this death over it. And there is a. There's a clear difference in delusion and declaration. Like, I don't want you to just sit at home and say, the Lord's gonna bring them and like, it's just gonna happen. And I'm not even gonna brush my hair today. But like, hallelujah, there's a love story, you know, that that might be a little delusional, but there is also declaration. But then there's also. I've seen some friends that have some challenges with their. Their kids, and they're like, yeah, they're just. They're disobedient and all this stuff. I'm like, no, no, do not speak death over that child. Identify maybe where the issues are and how are we going to combat that? With hope and. And with grace and with also declaration, like, say, this child is learning something. I'm going to partner with them in it. And, you know, you might not be a parent yet if you're single. You probably definitely aren't a parent yet. But that same mindset of, like, I have this hope of a relationship, it is like, in its infancy, and how I speak over it and how I believe for it is going to decide the way that it grows. Um, that's so, so important. And so, like, I want you to not be delusional and singleness, but be declarative. And it's of, I'll get my husband in six months. But it's. I. I understand the heartbeat of marriage. I understand that marriage is a representation of Christ. I understand that I get to be the bride, that I get to be chosen, that I get to be pursued. That's going to change how you approach any date practically, right? That's marrying the two. And I think that is such the. The blend here, because there is a lot of practicalities in dating, and some of those are opinionated, and they're different for each person. But spiritually, it's like, okay, the Lord said that a husband lays down his life in the way that Jesus laid down his what? His life for the. The. The church. And so it's like, I'm gonna only really pursue men that are gonna honor me. I'm only gonna pursue someone that I could see a partnership with. Like, there's all these wisdoms that are spiritual but actually blend to practicalities. And that's more the dating side. You asked about that singleness. Time is. I would probably like seven to some days, three, some days, eight, maybe go to the gym if I still had any energy left, and then I'd come home. And sometimes I could just really whomp and think. I only saw like, three different people today at the office, and I'm not anywhere closer to meeting my guy. I'm in Alabama. I met everyone through high school, and there's no one new. I could sit here and just Speak death over my singleness. Or I could say, lord, what are you. What do you want to do tonight? Like, how are we going to pray for him? And it. That time of praying for my future husband started real awkward. I was like, hey, you. Bless you. Thank you, God. Amen. Um, but then it grew to really interceding. And I feel like the more we lean into God for a certain area and then even just practice that, that okay with feeling awkward and not fully knowing what we're praying for, but, like, groaning for what the Lord has to come, and just blessing and saying, your will be done. Like, I'm gonna lay all this at your feet, Lord. But the end of the day, like you were saying, I want this to be your will. I want this to be my free will, matching your best wisdom, and would just start praying over this guy that I didn't know yet. And then I started having dreams, Maddie. I started having instructions of like, okay, well, I'm not going to do this. I'm going to do this. Instead, I'd have dreams at night of what he looked like and all these little things. And so I started piecing those together and thinking, okay, well, you're speaking to me in this area 1. I'm going to keep leaning into it because I know you're giving me something. And then there were certain times where I'd really feel the call to intercede. I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to war for you today. Because I feel that strongly because of my time praying for you. I feel like I don't know your name yet. I don't know where you live, when I'll meet you.
- [31:25]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Yeah.
- [31:25]
Christian Bevere
But I do have this one piece, and I'm going to go to war for that. And later, when we were engaged, Arty would tell me stuff because, you know, the closer you get an engagement, the more you learn about each other in those deep areas. And I found out those times of interceding for him were some of the hardest trials he was going through yet. And I'm just like, don't tell me that God is not within our singleness and preparation for our marriage if he is uniting us even far apart. I mean, I think about the disciples and in Acts and all these times we're there all over Asia, Turkey, wherever they're going. But there's this unity within them that keeps the church growing strong. And not fully equating marriage to church and, like, myself to Peter or anything like that, but I just see the presence of unity that transcends time and place and understanding. And I think that can happen with our singleness of. I don't know when this is gonna happen, but I know that right now I have a time of dedicated time to pray. I know that I can ask you, lord, search my heart and know me and you'll actually do it. And this is preparatory. This is actually better for my marriage if I get to some of the roots because that first year of marriage, you know, it's like a, here's my trunk. Let's, let's go through it together.
- [32:35]
Madison Pruitt Trout
But I dealt with that trauma.
- [32:36]
Christian Bevere
It's coming back because marriage is such a mirror.
- [32:40]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Yeah, it is. Stay True Podcast is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it at progressive. Com, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. Amen.
- [33:03]
Christian Bevere
I don't even know if I got to a lot of practicals, but.
- [33:04]
Madison Pruitt Trout
No, no, no, but. Well, you're, and you're touching on something that is a lot of the heartbeat of your book that I want to dive into a little bit more of the power of prayer and what it looks like to pray for your future spouse. And why, why should we be praying for our future spouse? What does that practically look like to pray for your future spouse? And I think another question too, you talked about earlier, like delusional versus declaration. And I think that's, that's powerful even in the concept of. I think a lot of times we can have these really surface level, superficial, unrealistic expectations that we're not even holding ourselves to. Like some of the things that we're hoping for in a spouse. We're not even walking out, we're not even living.
- [33:47]
Christian Bevere
That's delusion.
- [33:48]
Madison Pruitt Trout
And that' delusion. It is like, I think, I mean, we joke about it as far as like, you know, hoping for a guy with six pack abs and we haven't even gotten in the gym in two years, you know, but also in, in the form like spiritually, you know, I think so many women want to be led spiritually, but we're not even taking our spiritual life seriously. So many women want to be led and want a man to be, you know, the, the leader of the home, but we haven't even submitted to the Holy Spirit. We haven't even submitted to the word of God. We don't even know what it looks like to be led. And you think that's just going to switch whenever you get married? That, that don't just switch whenever you get married if you haven't learned true submission to the Scriptures into the Holy Spirit. And so I'd love to just talk. I guess that's kind of almost two different approaches. But we'll, we'll, we'll tackle first just the power and importance of prayer. And what did that look like for you? Praying for your future husband? And how do we pray for our future husband? I mean, I'm married now, but you know, for my, for my people listening.
- [34:49]
Christian Bevere
Yeah, yeah. To be honest, I was the girl that like loved going to church. But when it was time for my quiet time, I'd like read a chapter and I'm like, okay, I'm kind of zoning out, like I'm done. And so like intentionally praying for something so deeply was, was new to me. And I don't say that, I say that with a little bit, not shame, but shyness because like, I wish I was always doing that. When I saw how powerful praying for my future husband was, I was like, why wasn't I praying for my kids before I had them? Why wasn't I praying for my career besides just lord bring me one before I walked into it? Because there's something about preemptiveness that just, I think it's like this banner of faith of like shouting it out there. Even thinking of David conquering Goliath is like he goes out and says like, the Lord will be with me. And so there's something about almost casting this net. First of all, this is gonna be done in faith. That doesn't mean it's gonna happen the way that I see it. But that means like before I take a step, I'm already declaring like this is the, the, the land of, of the Lord. Like this is where he is going to encompass. Like my prayers are going out into something. And so I think that can be scary in singleness. Cuz it's like, well, what if I say the Lord's blessing, my relationship, and then I don't see one coming, which is a, honestly a real thing. Like we could, we can put our faith in something and not see it actually come about. Um, but then also on the other side of that, it can all change overnight. Like it takes that first encounter with someone for them to come into your life. And so it can seem like it's not working. There's no movement and then like suddenly.
- [36:22]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Swiftly happened so quick.
- [36:23]
Christian Bevere
Right? And so it's like you're not really gonna know it's happening until it happens. So you do almost have to have this blind faith and then just keep walking in it. Praying for my future husband was something where more than I really believed that God was gonna bring me someone. Because even when I was praying for my husband, I did still think I'm like, there's no one in Alabama. Like, I'm gonna have to go on a road trip around the world or something. Be online a lot to meet someone. But what I did know is I'm tired of dating and being unsuccessful. I'm tired of dating and it being painful. I'm tired of settling. And so what I actually got real serious about was I'm praying for my future husband, but I'm also praying to not be cast in this idea of, like, well, I just want it to be my way. I want to settle. I wanted to have this, like, instant comfort. I want to have the dedication to wait it out for the right thing. And that was the biggest shift I saw right away, is changing my dating. If to the point of. When Arden did first reach out, I read it. I read his message. Kid you not through my phone and in the back of the car. Yeah, I was texting and driving. So, sorry, that's like, seven years ago. No one can arrest me now. Threw my phone in the back of the car, and I said, lord, I'm seeing that this is a guy that walks out his faith. And so I don't want to go on a date unless this is my future husband. And that can sound legalistic, but I was like, you know, my track record, you know that I catch feelings fast, you know that you know all these things. So if it's a guy that looks great on paper, I do not want to mess this up unless you leave me. Like, I don't want to go unless you leave me type of mentality. And. And so I was just constantly so dependent on the Lord for every step of the way. And there's some people that are friends with someone, and then they have the. The spark come. And then there's some people that are like, oh, I'm just gonna try it out and see, and the Lord will speak to me. But where I was in that time and place, I was like, lord, you know that I've depended on you. And I've seen such fruit in myself from being in that place of, like, reverence for. I don't wanna walk alone in an area that is so important to my heart. And so, yeah, I got my phone eventually when I Got back home because I did throw a far in the back of my car. And then just even on our second date, I was like, okay, what. What's your intentions for marriage? Like, I just started grilling my husband in a loving way, but that actually led to him saying, wow, this is a woman that is serious about marriage.
- [38:43]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Yeah.
- [38:44]
Christian Bevere
This is a woman that knows what she's looking for, that isn't going to settle, which was not me, like, a.
- [38:49]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Year or five prior.
- [38:51]
Christian Bevere
And I think that really bursts something within me that, yes, the prayer is beautiful for preemptiveness, but it also just recalibrates you to like, this is the way I'm going. And if you're not on it with me, I'm not going to stray from it because that's going to waste both of our time. That's going to be problematic in the long run. It can be blinding now. And I think a lot of women do worry about coming off too strong and singleness of, like, why don't I seem like that weird Christian girl that's like, how many kids do you want to have on the first day? Don't ask them how many kids? Maybe you don't ask that, but do ask him, like, what are your morals? Um. And that kind of goes back to the fear of man, too, because let me tell you, my. My kids needed me this morning. Like, right before I came here, and I was texting Maddie. I'm like, might be like, five minutes late. So on the way here, I was like, I'm gonna have to finish my makeup. So let me tell you, when I got to the stoplight before your house, I was finishing my makeup because I was like, I know when I show up, I gotta be ready to go. Yes. There was a sweet man next to me staring at me like, what are you doing? But I was like, I know I need to be prepared, because when I go there, I wanna be ready. We need to do the same thing about singleness. We need to know I am doing what I can now because I do not want to waste time. I don't want to be caught off guard. I want to be ready to walk when the Lord calls me. That does come with wisdom. Like, I wasn't doing it while I was driving. I didn't want to get arrested or have a ticket that would make me show up even later. But when I had time to really be dedicated, when I had time to finish my makeup, I did it. And so if you're in a place of singleness of like, yes, you don't want to look at every guy of like, no, don't talk to me unless I know you're my future husband. Like, I can't. There is this almost too much where we could do of feeling like every date has to be a job interview or something. Like, have fun with it. But also know, like, what has been your MO in dating? What is the ways that the Lord has guarded your heart, what has been the things that he has put really strongly on your heart. Like, we know Riley and Jack. I think Riley's in on the episode. They both have a heart for missions. If that's something that's really important to your walk and something that the Lord has spoken to you, don't feel shy away from. Hey, like, hey, this is important to me, right? So I really want to encourage all our single girlfriends, like, keep showing up as you, not who you think the guy wants, not what the trending girls or like, you know, the. The popular girls on Instagram are doing right now. But like, who has the Lord called you to specifically by design? Because that is going to influence your marriage. It's not just be the best catch so you can get the guy, but it's like, what does the Lord put on your heart together that's going to impact the kingdom? It's going to be.
- [41:21]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Then you got to keep the guy. You know what I mean? And if you're, if you're like faking what you got to do to get the guy and you're not efficient, you have to fake to keep the guy. And so you. You want someone to choose you for who you truly are and who God's called you to be. And I love this. I want to take this for a second in the direction of. You've alluded to just the fear of the Lord and the true heart behind marriage. And I think so often why we settle or we feel so disappointed is because we have the wrong view of marri. We have the wrong view of God's design. The biblical context of womanhood and manhood and togetherness in marriage and partnering with each other in marriage and having such a kingdom mindset in it. And so can we talk for a second of what is the eternal perspective of marriage? Why. Why did God create marriage? And what kind of perspective should we be having in our seasons of singleness pertaining to marriage?
- [42:19]
Christian Bevere
Well, we see clearly in the Bible that the Lord equates marriage to this representations between the. The bride and the groom of his love for the church. And so it is this example of selflessness, of servanthood, of dedication, of faithfulness that, let's just say we cannot do without Jesus. Like the church is nothing without Jesus. The marriage is nothing without Jesus. A cord of three strands is not easily broken. So it's not just you and your husband in a relationship. It's you and your husband before God. He is the glue of when you're having the bad days, when you're having the tough seasons, when you're having, you know, the. The conflict that arises. It's like we have to go back to the root, that Jesus has joined us together. He is our commonality. He is our mission in this relationship. And so, like you're saying, if we don't have that from the beginning, we're going to question, oh, goodness, the. The sparks have faded or, you know, it did get tough or I didn't know when we were dating and I thought you were Mr. Perfect that you were gonna have. You're gonna snore or take a long time in the bathroom or have like this actually really hard thing that we have to work through together. And so when you know that the Lord is your union of why you came together. And I'll even go so far as saying, when you've been praying for that and you felt the Lord connects you and guide you together, you are gonna have the sustenance needed that glue for when you know, the things try to tear you apart, Whether that is a spiritual attack or it's just the pulls of being a human being on this imperfect earth. When you have God at the center of that, it's really gonna change his trajectory and your dedication to being together. I'm so burdened when I see the fact that the divorce rate of the church is really similar to the world. Because I'm thinking we have a lot of people that know Jesus, but we don't know how he's designed us to be in relationship together. We're not, like you're saying, either understanding that or fearing it properly. But the. The stats for people in the church that just go to church is about the same in the world. But the stats for people that. Couples that pray together, I think it's about a 0.1 or something like that percent of divorce. When you have prayer as your union together pre marriage and in marriage, it is something so unifying. I mean, we talk about sex as being this unification for intimacy, but prayer is as well. Like when you talk about melting your walls and like melting your frustrations, prayer will do that so much. Because if I'm saying. And I think that's why God tells us to pray for our enemies.
- [44:55]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Yeah.
- [44:55]
Christian Bevere
Because, you know, some days if we.
- [44:57]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Need to melt those down, if you.
- [44:59]
Christian Bevere
Didn'T take out the trash or something, it's like, oh, you have. You have hurt me. You did not listen. Like, all these things, it just melts the barriers. There's no way that I can say. Like, I could say, oh, I love Maddie. We're the best, and we get in a fight, and I'm not, like, having this intimate glue of prayer with you. It's going to be a lot easier. Just keep telling myself, oh, she did that on purpose and all this stuff. But if I say, lord, pray for Maddie and I just start going to prayer for you, I'm gonna see things clear. My soul is gonna rise over or my spirit's gonna rise over my soul. And doing that in your marriage is just top tier. Top tier. And it also. Not even just the hard parts. Like, it's easy. We're only seven years in, but it's easy to get caught up in your own new rhythms. Like that first year of marriage, you blend your worlds together, and then you kind of get in a rhythm, and then it's like, okay, we're doing this, and we're going through the motions a little bit. I have to keep praying for my husband because it's so easy for me to say, I got my podcast today and this going on, and, like, I'm doing this. And like, well, what is he doing? I have to pray. I'm like, lord, what have you put on Arin's heart? Am I actually stewarding the man that he's called to be? Am I ushering in the things that you want to do in his life? And that's some of the best marriage advice I ever got. Is similar to the verse of outdo each other and showing honor. It's like, how can I serve you so much? And in practical sense, it's like, oh, if I give more to him, there's less taking care of of me. But it's just when you have a marriage where God is at the center, it's like this redistribution and this multiplication factor that makes no sense. It's like, oh, man. Giving more to him fills me up. And then also loving on him. He can. They can tell. They're like, huh, I feel this. I want to do more for you.
- [46:41]
Madison Pruitt Trout
100. You're not going to get what you're looking for by nagging, that's for sure. I learned that real fast. Nagging, complaining, beating them over the head with what they're not doing doesn't get you very.
- [46:51]
Christian Bevere
No, you can call them to a higher standard.
- [46:53]
Madison Pruitt Trout
You can call them to a higher standard and you'd be honest about what you're feeling. But doing it with a heart posture, to be united and not to be right and not to just be heard, but to hear them and to listen to them, which is. So listen here. This is coming from, like, a professional arguer. Okay, that's so good. And I. I love a lot of what we're talking about when we're talking about this idea of prayer. I've talked a lot on this podcast about how when I started praying in marriage, like, consistently every single day, Lord, make us one. Help me to be the godly wife you've called me to be. Show me how to love my husband. Show me how to truly submit the way you call me to submit. Like, what does biblical submission look like to you? How do I honor you? Because I know when I love you most and I honor you best. Like, that's how I'm going to love my husband best and honor him best. And. And so really just that. That kind of prayer life really started completely shaping mine and Grant's marriage. And before, it was like, I wanted to be right. I wanted all my expectations met. I. I had these. These demands and expectations. Um, when they weren't met, I was disappointed, frustrated, angry, and I let him know about it. And it was when I started taking that to God and just being vulnerable with the Lord of what does my heart actually want? Oh, okay. I actually want to be united to my husband. I actually want us to be hand in hand in this together with God and, and to make a difference with our marriage and for other people to see our marriage and then want to know God more.
- [48:24]
Christian Bevere
Yeah.
- [48:24]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Oh, yeah. That's actually what I want. Like, I. It's not that I really just, like, want to be right and, like, have a cute relationship on Instagram. It's like, oh, no, no, that's. That's not actually what I want. And it's like getting to those roots and, and taking time in prayer. Because what you've been speaking to is, like, so often we'll go into prayer with all of these wants and dreams and desires and requests to God, and we should be honest about those. But also what happens so often in prayer is that the Lord begins to change our hearts and begins to create in us a new heart and new desire for him most and foremost. And I'd love to specifically, like, I just feel like there's probably some people listening, those who are specifically in a season of singleness, who are like, yes, but what should I practically specifically be praying for my future husband? What is like, not delusional and unrealistic? What is just like the. Like, okay, every day, here's the thing that I'm praying for my future husband because I know for me personally, I started writing a list, and some people say, tear up the list.
- [49:27]
Christian Bevere
I was about to ask you, have you talked about list yet?
- [49:29]
Madison Pruitt Trout
I. I believe in having a list, but the list should be biblical. I think that the list should be realistic, and it should be something that we are pursuing also.
- [49:41]
Christian Bevere
100.
- [49:41]
Madison Pruitt Trout
And so that was like, for me, I mean, I'd have to, like, go back and look, but it was seven things that I wrote down. And, you know, one was like a servant's heart. You know, I wanted a man who.
- [49:52]
Christian Bevere
Who.
- [49:53]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Because, like, you're saying, what is a true biblical man? It's one who lays his life down. That's what scripture says. That's what the call of a husband is. So I wanted a man who served. I wanted a man who had vision and who lived his life with purpose and mission. I wanted a man who was joyful and funny and. And, like, I had these things written down. And sure, some were, like, tied to maybe, like, you could say personality or some were tied to, like, I wanted to. I wanted us to be attracted to each other so you could say, oh, maybe that's like a physical thing. And so I. I don't know. I'd love for you to speak into that, because I think that you hear some people say, like, rip up the list. The list don't matter. Like, don't pray for anything other than what we joked about earlier. Like, just want them to love God. And. And then I think you also hit, you know, the other extreme of people where it's like, they're praying for a lot of really superficial things. And, you know, they want the person to. They want to meet them. And the. The. The guy is wearing, you know, a cowboy hat, you know, whatever. Fill in the blank. Like, you know, the guy has this job and he. He makes this amount of money.
- [50:55]
Christian Bevere
Yeah.
- [50:55]
Madison Pruitt Trout
I mean, you name it. Like, I think a lot of times we have these really unrealistic expectations as well, and I've fallen into that in my past, too. And so for the person that's asking, like, what should I actually be praying for my future spouse? What would you say to them?
- [51:08]
Christian Bevere
Yeah, I think that you can be specific if it is intentional. So if you're just saying, I want a guy that's cute because. Or he's this, or he makes money because I want that to serve me, that's a little untrue to the heart of marriage, or like, you're saying, I want him to be this isn't this, but I'm not actually rising to that call too, then that's not really a faithful request. But don't tell me that God can't do something with specific request. Because we see when Abraham sends his servant to get Isaac a wife, he looks for specific things intentionally. Like, does she come from a lineage of honor? Is she going to be a servant like you said? Is she going to be kind and courteous? Like, there are these specific things, and some of them are, you know, character. I think those are like the bread and butter that we should be looking for. But then, hey, I want her to be a people of my tribe. I want her to come from a good background. I want him to come from a good family. There are some specifics within there that I feel like we can request. And as Abraham sends his servant, the servant goes, um, Lord, will you unite? Like, will you let her be someone that fills up my camp, my water, and my camels? Will you have her act in this certain way? So there is a really specific request laid out there that comforts me when I'm like, lord, if I go on a date with him, he needs to be my future husband. But when we say things out of the heart of God, I want to be guided in this. I want this union to be your hand written all over it. Then I think the Lord loves to delight in showing up in specific ways in, like, unheard of ways. I mean, we all love those stories of, you did what? And he was there. And, like, you knew it. Because of this. I had a dream when I was praying for my future husband that I walked out onto this balcony, and there was, like, all these trees in the background, and people started clapping. And I knew nobody. I'm like, what on earth is going on here? And I look down, I'm holding hands with someone, and I look up, and it's this tall, handsome guy wearing glasses. And he said, everyone's clapping because it's our engagement. And I woke up and I was like, shoot, I don't know that guy. So maybe the Lord is bringing my future husband. And, man, was he cute. You're like, thank you, Lord. I was like, I received this dream. And then when on my second day with Arden, actually, he put on his Glasses. And like, that image came into my.
- [53:25]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Mind where I was like, that's crazy.
- [53:26]
Christian Bevere
Oh, my goodness. Like, this is you. Now, granted, I still, I didn't say marry me right now like the Lord told me, but I kept that in my heart of, okay, God, I'm going to lean into that specificness within I'm looking for. I'm still ultimately looking at this guy's character. Like, is he going to walk in the, the way that he perceives to walk? Just because he comes from a good family, I'm not going to mean that. That's just like, he's all fine and dandy. I want him to walk that out and show that with the way he honors me in this courting. But I also see the specifics that you are highlighting. So I think the specific things that we call for are almost like attention grabbers. But those bread and butter requests are the things that actually, like, this is what I'm going to say yes to are the things that are truly important. Like, do you have a character? Do you have a true relationship with God? Are you a man of integrity? Are you a man of your word? These are all things that we can actually test and see. I mean, I can test him and take away his glasses and be like, do you really wear glasses?
- [54:21]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Like, can you not see how many fingers? He's like, really?
- [54:24]
Christian Bevere
He's like, two. I mean, I can see that. But, like, the things that you can test are the things that you should bank your yes on.
- [54:30]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Yeah.
- [54:31]
Christian Bevere
And. But I do think that we can be specific, especially if it is, oh, I wasn't even knowing to be specific about that. But, like, the Lord highlighted it, or my husband and I can't remember if it was a dream or just a request for a woman with long brown hair. And so I'm like, well, thank you, Jesus. I didn't cut my hair.
- [54:48]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Yeah. Or dye a blonde.
- [54:49]
Christian Bevere
Yeah, that would not have looked good anyways. And so I think there can be still these specific things. And, like, I don't know, the Lord is just so interesting to me. Like, the people that say, I don't want to become a Christian because it's all boring. It's like, no, this is such a fun and exciting walk. The Bible says that the Lord works in mysterious ways. Here's all these, like, treasures that we uncover as we walk with him. And so I, I want people to get excited about their dating relationship too. Like, yes, be, be reverent of it. But, like, have fun. And like, Lord, I'm, I'm Open to new ideas of what you want to share. I. I think the type mindset is what I would be more cautious about of, well, he has to look this, this and way. And I've only dated people like this. I dated a lot of musicians because I was like, oh, I want to be creative. So they need to be creative. I think if you're. That goes back to the trap of I want to be seen. And so if I can see something in them, that would edify something in me.
- [55:44]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Wow.
- [55:45]
Christian Bevere
Not really the potential of sharpening one another, but it's like, oh, man, I've. I've seen that this is a hindrance in my life. Lord, will you bring someone that is strong in their faith or. Or speaks up because I'm a little bit more timid. Like, can you bring a partnership mindset that is powerful?
- [55:59]
Madison Pruitt Trout
That's really good. So say bye bye to the type mindset. Yeah, but say hello to the biblical mindset where you say, lord, send me someone that compliments me and helps me put like, I want to be as close to you as possible and helps me do more for the kingdom. Because what you're saying is, is like, maybe there was an area in your talent that you would say, quote unquote, was, you were weaker in, but that Arden was strong in, and you guys got to come together and be great together in it. And then there's an area where he's weakened that you're strong, and then you come together and be great together.
- [56:32]
Christian Bevere
Which we joke because I think Grant and I are similar in personality, and you and Arden are similar in personality. So maybe that longing when we leave each other, when we're little, we're like.
- [56:40]
Madison Pruitt Trout
The Lord was like, this is actually a vision for what's to come. This is a vision for what's to come. It was pretty. A prophetic word from day one.
- [56:47]
Christian Bevere
And I also just want to say you can be physically or you should be physically attracted to who you're with. I mean, Rebecca was marked as being beautiful. Boaz is marked as being handsome. David was marked as being handsome. Like there is. And. But that looks different.
- [56:58]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Totally.
- [56:58]
Christian Bevere
It doesn't have to be the most handsome standard on earth, but it's like there is a physical attraction that will.
- [57:02]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Grow 100% and beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. Like, it really is. It's like, okay, you can be so attracted to someone that maybe by the world standard is not like, oh, he. He's a 10. You know, she's a, she's a 10, like, no, but if you're. Especially if you have a heart that is like, lord, I want to be married to someone that's going to help me make a difference for the kingdom of God. And I see marriage as a covenant. I see marriage as through an eternal lens, that this is also for people to see our marriage as a reflection of you and your love for us. Like, if that is truly our heart, then we're going to enter into dates, dating, relationships differently. Because it's not just like, I want him to be, like, successful by the world standards or attractive by the world standards, or this by the world standards, or treat me like the world says that he should be treating me. It's like, no, no, I'm not expecting him to, you know, have a dozen roses for me every single day and do all of these, like, things that the world says he should be doing. I'm like, what does scripture say he should be doing? And what does scripture say that marriage should look like? And I think when we have that, then it's like, sure, it's a cherry on top. If they like the same sports team that you like or, you know, dress the way that you dress or, you know, whatever, or the. The style, I guess, of dressing that you like to dress. But it's like, the things that really matter. And getting back to that. And I'd love to kind of, like, end this episode. For the person who, you know, it's Valentine's week, and this can be a really hard, lonely, frustrating time for. For some people, whether it's you're dating and your expectations aren't met, you're married and your expectations aren't met, you're single, and you thought you would have someone. Like, maybe you said, last Valentine's Day, this is my last single Valentine's Day. And this Valentine's Day, you're like, dang it, I'm still single, and I'm so mad, and I'm frustrated. God, like, where is he? Why is he not here? Or the relationship is just not going like you thought. You thought you'd be married by now. You've been dating for a long time. It's like, why hasn't he proposed? I just know that there's probably a lot of people listening that aren't where they thought they would be, or the relationship isn't going like they thought it would be going. The Lord hasn't moved or answered the prayers and the way that they've been praying. And so one question I would just have for you specifically. And then anything Else you want to add on to kind of what I'm alluding to and speaking to is for the person that has been praying and the prayers haven't been answered yet. How do you keep praying with faith but not lose hope in the midst of it?
- [59:35]
Christian Bevere
That's such a, that's such a big question. I mean, scripture speaks to that realness when it says a hope deferred makes the heart sick. And there is this restlessness that comes with feel, like you're in monotony of prayer. But I'm comforted by the fact, and there's things outside of having a husband that I'm still praying for, that I will continue to pray for things that still come about. And so it's again, not this idea that this is the only type of, of longing or delayed waiting that you'll experience. And but the whole verse of like, perseverance creates character. And so like we see that even in our delays, in our doubts, like there's some reward. Doesn't sound like the right word, but there's something gained by going through that traction. And what I think is really interesting, I was looking at the story of Moses In Exodus 3, when God speaks to him through the bush is he was in this area that was the desert and then the mountain of God. And so the Lord encounters him in this great in between of like what seems like there is no hope, there's such desperation and there's this really high, lofty place that only God inhabits. And so many times the Lord meets us in the middle and the conversions of those or the presence of them being there at the same time. And he speaks to them through the shrub bush which is actually represented in the Garden of Eden. And when the, the Presence leaves, when his presence leaves because they sin. And so like there's this manifestation of this thing that was dead because of the world and flesh and sin and all these things. But then the Lord inhabits that and has this all burning bush moment where he manifests his presence to Moses. And so the idea that even in our hopelessness, even in our brokenness, even when it feels like the in between, it's like, goodness, how do I get to that, that answered prayer when I feel like I'm just stuck in this wilderness season, it's like the Lord is there in that moment. So having spiritual eyes to see it, asking God, you know, what are you again? What are you wanting me to do? How are you here that I may not be aware of? Like, what can I do to even not feel isolated? But isolate myself for your presence. I feel like that's such a huge thing. When I went from, oh, man, I'm home again on a Friday night to lord, I have time with you, or you can speak where I have been deaf to covering up by relationships and just comfort blankets. It really should changes. Maybe not so much your actuality in that moment, but who you are and how you receive him. And so that's kind of like the spiritual lens of that. But then on the practical sense of it is, you know, if it does feel monotonous, like, maybe take a break from praying for it, maybe take a. Take a new adventure, like, keep praying for your future husband. But also, okay, Laura, I'm trying a new hobby in this time. Maybe there's a career thing that you want me to pursue before I meet him. Or maybe you just need to get out there a little bit more. You need to go to a small group. You need to, like, be friends with people. Maybe your future husband is your new friend's brother. Like, I don't know, like there's, you know, if there does feel like there's some monotony, like, invite the Lord into that. Like, okay, if there's hope, Lord, give me new hope. If there's action, give me new action. Bring me out of my comfort zone. There's just so many different ways for that. And you mentioned it's Valentine's Day. And I think of what's so neat about Valentine's Day is like, it is this really fun thing. I spent my last five Valentine's Day with single women. I don't even really spend it with my husband anymore because he's like, that's Galentine's Day for the new dear future husband community. So I'm like, we have other lovey dovey times, but Valentine's isn't even that for me. And I'm married. But I love getting to be around those women that are, you know, praying for their future husbands or they're hungry, they're praying for their future children as well. And even looking back historically at Valentine's Day, it was this time where the Roman culture was so subdued by sexuality and sin, and they were so far away from God's design for marriage that Valentine was marrying people and he was uniting Christian couples and saying like, hey, this is the way. Walk in it. And so if you are single and feel like, man, everything else is going on, like, dating is so confusing. Um, there aren't a lot of men out there that are pursuing godly characteristics. Like, that's what this whole holiday started as is like, hey, no, you know what? Even in a world that's not honoring this, we need to be people that are going to pray for our future husband, that are gonna have a standard for marriage, that are going to walk in this even if there is frustrations along with it. And so again, going spiritual, but like, if you feel lonely on Valentine's Day, so did so many other people. And this is a time, I think, even if we have spiritual eyes to say, man, what God, what kind of what we've been saying this whole podcast, what is your design for marriage? What have you called me to walk into? And what is the world doing that I'm not going to partake in?
- [64:23]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Yeah.
- [64:24]
Christian Bevere
Even if that means, I mean, St. Valentine was thrown into jail and all these things, but even hopefully, I'm not saying go to jail because you feel single, but, like, stand up for him in a way that it might even surprise the people that you do go on dates with. It's like, I know who I serve, I know why I want to be married. And I don't think I answered this earlier, but like, the what to pray for your future husband. Pray for his dedication, pray for his character. We have all these sample prayers on the Dear Future Husband page, which I love just sharing with with people because it's like, it gives something to lean into. But, like, pray for the things that are going to be part of your marriage, not just part of your dating. Like the things that are going to be long lasting, that are going to bring clarity to your relationship, clarity to your. Yes, those are the things that I would pray into.
- [65:08]
Madison Pruitt Trout
That's so good. That's so good. Yeah, I love that you're speaking to. Like, this idea of hope and frustration can coexist at the same time. So you can still hope for things that you don't see right in front of you yet. And because your hope is in something greater than what you see, you can still keep having hope. And that's what I would just encourage to every person listening is even if you're in a season where you're not where you thought you would be, you're disappointed, you're frustrated. Continuing to remind yourself, like, what is my hope in? Who is my hope in? Is my hope just in this situation changing? Is my hope just in God bringing me my future husband? If so, so you're going to experience disappointment not only in a season of singleness, even if you get married because your hope is in the wrong thing, your hope is in the Wrong person. And so for me, it's a continuous reminder even in marriage. My hope is in heaven. My hope is in Jesus. My hope is not in my spouse. My hope is not in my child. My hope is not in my career. Those things, if Jesus is the foundation of it and I'm operating through his spirit for his glory, there's great joy in those things. There's great purpose in those things. But those are just blessings from God. But it is truly reminding ourselves that our hope is in Jesus and our hope is in heaven. And like there's desires on our heart and God created marriage and designed marriage, and we weren't made to go through life alone. And so even if you feel like you're in a season and you're waiting for your future spouse, like one of our greatest encouragements would be, yes, to pray for your future spouse and to put yourself out there, surround yourself with godly community. Put yourself in situations where you can be around other strong believers that are going to pray for you for this thing that you're hoping for, encourage you while you're in the waiting for that thing. Maybe it's other married couples, maybe it's other singles, but putting yourself in environments to where you don't feel like you're sitting on the sidelines and you're just angry and discontent all the time, but you're putting yourself in the game, saying, no, no, I'm not. This isn't like waiting inactive. This is like waiting, playing. Like I'm in the game, playing right now. And whenever God brings me the the right person, if that's God's will, great. Like, we're going to be playing the game together and we're going to be able to do more together than we could apart. I want to end this with just anything. Any last thoughts you want to speak to of just what this, like, journal is what you help people get out of it. And we're going to be linking. Her book actually will be coming out tomorrow. If you're listening to this on Monday and if you're listening to this after Monday, it's out and so go get it. But yeah, if you want to just, like, talk a little bit as we wrap up, just your hope for this journal and this book and when people buy it, like, what you hope they get out of it and do with it.
- [67:48]
Christian Bevere
You know my favorite thing, Maddie, on our wedding day, not our wedding day, my husband. You were there. You were big. I was there. Yeah. There were so many beautiful things from, like, getting ready together and just like The. The peace that I felt. But one of my favorite things is sending Arden on a scavenger hunt to receive his husband's Bible. And I am just so excited for the fact to get to share that with women. Of. I had no idea when I started writing letters and praying for my future husband and journaling to him that I really would be marrying the man of my dreams. And so many of the things that the Lord had promised to me of, you know, he'll be a virgin, he'll be a man of faith. All these things where I was just, like, sitting there, like, God, you're so good. So much more than I deserve, so much more than, um, I could have believed in the natural. But sending him on this scavenger hunt where he got to see before we said yes to each other officially, the prayers that I've been praying over him, it's just the sweetest thing and, like, one of the proudest moments that I had of my singleness. And one just because I'm like, lord, I. I delighted in you, and you were so kind to me. And so now the fact that I finally get to have a resource, because so many women are like, what Bible did you get? Like, how do I do this? I'm like, I don't know. You got it. But now I get to have something where I'm like, hey, this is just a fun thing from one girl that was longing for marriage to another. Like, start praying over these. And it's just going to be the most beautiful thing if and when the Lord does bring that man into your life to give that to him on your wedding day. It's just such, like, a big sister, like, happy friend moment for me to, like, see other people doing the same thing, because I know what it feels like to belonging, and I know what it feels like to be just overcome by, like, wow, Lord, you did that? I was believing for it, but still, wow. Um, so I'm so excited for that. But then also, if it does seem daunting to someone of, like, well, how do I pray for someone? I don't know them yet. I. I need more clarity and context. Within dating the Future Husband Present Prayers is a book that goes through the why, the how, and the what to pray. And so, sadly, you know, technology is great because we can be around people, but I wish I could just sit and talk to other people for hours, because dating is one of those areas where it's like, I have so many questions.
- [69:49]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Yeah.
- [69:49]
Christian Bevere
And there's so many possibilities, but this book really dives into dating, singleness, marriage, intention, prayer, even making the Lord your first love. And so I'm excited for people to have, you know, longer than just the 30 to 60 minutes on this podcast to dive into that and to have that as like a beginning for their own relationship for God, for him to speak to them specifically.
- [70:10]
Madison Pruitt Trout
Amen. Amen. So good. I'm so excited to hear just the testimonials that are going to come out of this that you guys, I mean, some of you guys are going to be given this to your future husband one day before you walk down the aisle. And just how special that is. I'm so thankful that you wrote this and you wrote it in a hard season of life. And I just believe it's going to produce so much fruit. And I've just seen the way that God has used you and Arden together and you really are better together. And it's just been so cool to see both of our journeys that the Lord's so new. Like, we've talked about, like what we needed and just that we are so much stronger together and better together. And just the beauty of, yeah, like we have not been perfect in the past and have made mistakes in the past, but like when you just give God your pain and your shame and your hurts and your dreams and your hopes and you lay it all at the foot of the cross, like what the Lord can do with that and not only just for you, but in you. And what the Lord has done so much in our own hearts and lives and what he's produced in us, I'm just so thankful for. I'm so thankful for you and for this resource which we're going to be linking on this podcast or if you're watching this on YouTube. And so thank you so much for coming on. Stay true. Well, as always, guys, be sure to stay you and stay true. We love you.
- [71:41]
Christian Bevere
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Madison Pruitt Trout
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Christian Bevere
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