Wilderness Season: When God Feels Silent with Girls Gone Bible

Summary

Stay True with Madison Prewett Troutt: Wilderness Season – When God Feels Silent with Girls Gone Bible

Episode Release Date: July 21, 2025

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Introduction

In this poignant episode of Stay True with Madison Prewett Troutt, host Madison Prewett Troutt welcomes Angela Halili and Arielle Ritzma, co-hosts of the Girls Gone Bible podcast and authors of the book "Out of the Wilderness." Together, they delve deep into the concept of "wilderness seasons"—those challenging periods in life where one might feel disconnected from God, battling personal struggles, and seeking deeper truth.

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Understanding Wilderness Seasons

Madison initiates the conversation by prompting her guests to define what a wilderness season entails. Angela articulates it poignantly:

Angela Halili [00:06]: "The wilderness season is basically a time where you don't know where God is. You don't see him anywhere."

Arielle echoes this sentiment, emphasizing the redemptive love of God during such times:

Arielle Ritzma [00:12]: "Do you know how many times I have fallen short of his glory? And he picks me up and he redeems me. That's love."

Together, they frame wilderness seasons as periods of spiritual dryness and personal turmoil, where faith is tested, and one grapples with the absence of tangible divine presence.

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Personal Testimonies: Walking Through the Wilderness

Arielle Ritzma’s Journey

Arielle shares a heart-wrenching account of her wilderness season, highlighting how God stripped her of her career and cherished relationship, leaving her in a state of isolation and despair:

Arielle Ritzma [20:42]: "He stripped me of everything... I was lost, and I was confused, and I was broken, and I was isolated and I was tired."

Her battle extended to severe mental health challenges, including obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and depression. Through these trials, Arielle discovered the depth of God's love and redemption, transforming her despair into a testimony of hope and healing.

Angela Halili’s Struggles

Similarly, Angela opens up about her tumultuous past, fraught with anxiety, alcoholism, and an eating disorder that spanned a decade:

Angela Halili [28:52]: "I battled a 10 year eating disorder that I didn't tell anybody about literally until recently."

Her journey was marked by severe panic attacks and irrational fears, leading her to self-medicate with alcohol. It wasn't until a spiritual mentor intervened that Angela found liberation from her addictions, underscoring the transformative power of faith and community.

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The Path to Overcoming Wilderness

Madison shares her own experiences, emphasizing the role of personal practices in navigating tough seasons:

Madison Pruitt Trout [07:00]: "But God's presence was so near, and now I'm so grateful."

Arielle discusses the importance of surrender and dependence on Jesus, highlighting that healing is a continuous process:

Arielle Ritzma [26:03]: "I am still in process, I'm still healing. I still have to stay as close to Jesus."

Both guests stress that overcoming wilderness seasons requires active seeking of God, maintaining intimacy through prayer, and integrating scripture into daily life.

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Practical Steps to Stay True

Cultivating Intimacy with Jesus

Angela advises dedicating sacrificial time to deepen one's relationship with Jesus:

Angela Halili [42:08]: "If you spend an hour, even two hours with the Lord every single morning, you have no idea what happens. You can't not be on fire for Jesus when you give him time."

This practice fosters a strong spiritual foundation, making it easier to withstand life's storms.

The Power of Community and Accountability

Arielle highlights the critical role of honest relationships in maintaining freedom from sin:

Arielle Ritzma [44:07]: "The greatest gift that God gave us is one another... shame loses its power when we confess."

Madison echoes this, emphasizing the necessity of surrounding oneself with godly individuals who provide support and hold each other accountable:

Madison Pruitt Trout [47:23]: "You're not in it all alone. You get to partner with people who are going to hold you accountable and help you through your struggles."

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Insights from "Out of the Wilderness"

Angela and Arielle discuss their book, "Out of the Wilderness," which comprises 31 devotions aimed at guiding readers through their toughest seasons:

Arielle Ritzma [06:08]: "We pray that people read and go through this devotional, and they're like, okay, I don't see God in my situation right now... and he was in it."

The book combines personal stories with scriptural insights, offering a roadmap for those feeling lost or disconnected from God during challenging times.

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Supporting Others in Their Wilderness

The conversation underscores the importance of supporting others through their struggles. Madison highlights the necessity of repressive actions beyond mere empathy:

Madison Pruitt Trout [48:09]: "We are going to help each other in our sin struggles, check in, and set guardrails and boundaries so that we don't keep falling back into the same sin."

Arielle and Angela affirm that true support involves both prayer and practical accountability, ensuring that individuals remain steadfast in their faith.

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Conclusion: Embracing God’s Faithfulness

As the episode draws to a close, Madison shares a comforting scripture that encapsulates the promise of God during wilderness seasons:

Madison Pruitt Trout [66:53]: "Isaiah 43:18-19 says, 'Forget the former things. Do not dwell on the past... I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.'"

This powerful verse serves as a reminder that God is always at work, crafting paths of redemption and renewal even in the most barren times.

The episode concludes with heartfelt expressions of gratitude and encouragement, reinforcing the message that no one must navigate their wilderness alone.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Angela Halili [00:06]: "The wilderness season is basically a time where you don't know where God is. You don't see him anywhere."

• Arielle Ritzma [00:12]: "Do you know how many times I have fallen short of his glory? And he picks me up and he redeems me. That's love."

• Arielle Ritzma [20:42]: "He stripped me of everything... I was lost, and I was confused, and I was broken, and I was isolated and I was tired."

• Angela Halili [42:08]: "If you spend an hour, even two hours with the Lord every single morning, you have no idea what happens. You can't not be on fire for Jesus when you give him time."

• Arielle Ritzma [44:07]: "The greatest gift that God gave us is one another... shame loses its power when we confess."

• Madison Pruitt Trout [66:53]: "Isaiah 43:18-19 says, 'Forget the former things. Do not dwell on the past... I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.'"

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Final Thoughts

This episode serves as a profound exploration of the struggles inherent in wilderness seasons and the unyielding faith required to navigate them. Through personal testimonies, practical advice, and deepScriptural insights, Madison, Angela, and Arielle offer listeners both solace and actionable steps to stay true to their faith amidst life's inevitable challenges. Whether you’re currently facing a wilderness season or simply seeking to strengthen your spiritual journey, this episode provides invaluable guidance and encouragement.

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For more insights and support, consider exploring Angela and Arielle’s book, "Out of the Wilderness," and Madison’s upcoming work, "Dare to Be True." Stay connected, stay supported, and stay true.

Transcript

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

How would you guys describe, like, what a wilderness season is and why we have to go through them?

[Angela Halili]

The wilderness season is basically a time where you don't know where God is. You don't see him anywhere.

[Arielle Ritzma]

Do you know how many times I have fallen short of his glory? And he picks me up and he redeems me. That's love.

[Angela Halili]

When he's not showing up, it's because something is happening within you.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

What would you say to the person who is in the middle of a battle of the mind?

[Arielle Ritzma]

When I really captured what God's love was really like, it naturally really made me say, what have I been doing my whole life?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

What has been, like, a wilderness season for you? And what did God teach you about Himself through it?

[Arielle Ritzma]

In those moments where everything is being stripped, that's where he's producing something that's so much better on the other side of what you thought was the best for you.

[Angela Halili]

Life can be really, really hard. And if you don't have Jesus, you cannot survive. I was just a girl with, like, no father's voice, and he, like, has always fathered me. So, so. Well.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

What's up, guys? Welcome back to another episode of Stay True podcast. I'm your host, Madison Pruitt Trout, here with my best friends. I'm so excited that I have Angela Halili and I have Arielle Ritzma. I literally had to ask them right before this one. I've never said Yalls last names before. And we call each other best friends, friends, sos, But I just call them Anginar. They have been on the podcast before, but only individually, I know, not together. So I'm so excited about this. But you guys are the hosts of Girls Gone Bible, and they also have just come out with a book called out of the Wilderness. And you guys, it's so good. I literally just, like, listened to the whole thing yesterday, and I felt like I was sitting down with you guys. It was so, so beautiful. And at the end, it's actually. It's 31 devotions. If you're walking through a hard season, this is something you guys need to get because at the end of each devotional, you guys pray. And when listening to the audio, I.

[Angela Halili]

Was literally like, I'm just being, like.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Prayed over by two amazing women of God. And so I'm so excited we're going to be talking about this in today's episode, and I'm really, really excited to dive in because it's so good. And you guys have walked through a lot of things, and you're so vulnerable. You're so vulnerable about things that you've walked through. And that's what I love about you guys. And even when you started your podcast, Girls Gone Bible, like, you've been so real and raw and honest and, like, bringing people into your journey. You know, I think it's so easy as Christians to just be like, yeah, I've gotten it all figured out, and now I'm sharing the things that happened, you know, that, like, I don't struggle with anymore and that I'm like 100% free for. And it's like, you guys have been so honest the whole time of just like, yeah, this is something I'm figuring out right now. This is something I'm walking through right now. Like, let me bring you along the journey. And so this is, I know, already encouraging so many people, and for those of you who have not read it, I want to encourage you to go and read it. So we're gonna be talking about that today, but I'm just happy that you're here.

[Angela Halili]

I love you so much.

[Arielle Ritzma]

Thank you for having us.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

First of all, I'm so excited.

[Angela Halili]

You're so good at this. You understand us trying to, like, you're made for this. Like, you really are made for this. Ari and I trying to introduce the guests. We're like, I.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

No, no, not at all.

[Angela Halili]

You're so.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

But you guys just met my little angel baby for the first time.

[Angela Halili]

I want her back.

[Arielle Ritzma]

She has chunky legs, chunky arms, big blue eyes. Where is the gerber baby?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

She smiled so big and. And little girl had a rough night last night. She didn't get any sleep, and so I was like, she's gonna be so grumpy. But when you guys held her, she was just.

[Angela Halili]

She was so happy, smiling so bad. I don't know how you don't sit and kiss her face all day long.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

No, I do.

[Angela Halili]

That's all I would do.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah, I have moments where I'm like, I just need some. Then I'll literally go get like an hour of me time. And the whole time I'm thinking about Hosanna has your. I'm like, how's this?

[Angela Halili]

What do I do with this?

[Arielle Ritzma]

So cute.

[Angela Halili]

You know what I've been wanting to ask you? How has your. This is what I know.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Wait, let me inter.

[Angela Halili]

Okay, just one question. How is your quiet time changed? Is it. Cuz I. I've always wondered how this would be for you, cuz you value.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

So much quiet time, so. Well, here's the thing. I think when you have multiple kids. So I'm like speaking from a perspective of only having one like four month old baby. So I'm imagining this is going to continue to change more and more and more. But I feel like when you have one kid, like, you can't give the excuse of like, I don't have time. Like, you really can't. Like, because it's you, you have the time. They sleep a lot. Yeah, like, they sleep a lot. So it's kind of just like, what do you prioritize?

[Angela Halili]

Right.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And you have to make it a priority because you're running on less sleep. But I'm like, if I don't have time with Jesus, I'm gonna be a monster today. Like, I'm not gonna be able to love my daughter the way that I am supposed to. I'm not gonna be able to love my hu. I'm so, so I'm not gonna be able to love my neighbor. I'm not gonna be able to love anybody. No, it's. That has been something that's been like a non negotiable for me. So I really have gotten time with Jesus every day now. There's some days that it looks radically different. It's like five minutes with the Lord. But one thing I started doing, I've talked about on this podcast is like memorizing chunks of scripture. And that has been so helpful for me because a lot of my time with Jesus is like, oh, I'm like breastfeeding. And I'm like, okay, well, I can't. I'm not necessarily like at the coffee shop with like the word of God open. And I'm just like studying and I'm reading commentaries and I'm like, you know, getting these crazy revelations. But what I can do is, well, I'm in these like hidden alone spaces, quiet, with the Lord and my daughter, and I can pray over her and I can memorize scripture and like meditate on it as I'm feeding her. And so that's kind of what it's looked more like.

[Angela Halili]

That's so special.

[Arielle Ritzma]

Yeah, it's great advice.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah, yeah, it's.

[Arielle Ritzma]

For a moment, it's.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

It's been really good. And honestly, just memorizing chunks of scripture, it's like they say like, you know, your memory is like a muscle and the more you do it, the more. So like I started and I was like, how am I gonna. I can't memorize scripture. Like, this is so hard. I have the worst. I used to say all the time, I have the worst memory And I'm like, your words hold power. Don't say that, Maddie. And now the more I do it, I'm like, wait, this is actually like getting easier. So anyways, this is a challenge to you guys, listening. Go and memorize some scripture. I love it, but I'm excited to talk to you guys and ask you guys questions about this book because this is Yalls first time writing a book.

[Angela Halili]

Yeah.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Okay. How was the process? Because writing a book is like. It's a lot.

[Arielle Ritzma]

Oh, we looked at each other, we go, what are we doing? We can't even read.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

We can't even read. It's not true.

[Angela Halili]

No, it's. Honestly, you've written how many books as of now? Three.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

My. My third one's coming out. Yeah. Three.

[Angela Halili]

Yeah. So it's like, it's been the most beautiful process. It's like the honor of our lives. Because to actually be able to speak, sit, like, there's so much beauty in speaking and being on a podcast, but when you actually sit and like flesh out thoughts and like sit and give yourself time to go back and like really go through and edit in and read back and then add something else, and it just like paints like the full picture of what you want to say about something. I think it's just so. It's just like such a beautiful avenue vehicle.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

It's like therapeutic too.

[Angela Halili]

It is. Oh, it was so therapeutic for us. Yeah.

[Arielle Ritzma]

You know me, I talk a lot about how I always struggle with my self worth. And I remember when we first. When they were like, okay, we want you guys to write a book, I was like, I can't do this. Like, how am I going to write a book? And it's just a true testament of just when you walk with Jesus, like, that's where your confidence and wisdom comes from.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Amen.

[Arielle Ritzma]

And so it showed me a lot. And it really, like, writing was so healing and. And it helped me right after the book because as I was healing and writing this book, I was healing myself. So. Yeah, writing is so good. And it's so good going back to that book and reading it. I'm like, wow. Like, I have.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

How did I do that?

[Arielle Ritzma]

But you have that to go back on and see how far you've come. Truly. And so it's so good to write your thoughts down. Even if you're someone where it's hard to write. Just write.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah. Because you can see your gross, like, journaling even going back. I look at my journals from like 2018 and I'm like, whoa. All the things Laura downloaded to me. 2018 was a wilderness season for me and that I'm excited to talk about that season and our wilderness seasons. But that was a wilderness season for me of, like, God, where are you? And how do I get through this? And how do I do this? Going through a breakup and in a job that I, you know, didn't feel completely fulfilled in and just going through a, like, very, very lonely, not having friendship around me that, you know, was pushing me in my faith and giving me life. And so that was a really hard season of life for me. And I look back at those journal entries, and I'm like, oh, my goodness. But God's presence was so near, and now I'm so grateful. You know, at the time, I'm like, lord, take me out of the season. And then now I look back and I'm like, I'm so thankful for that season. So what inspired the title and the heartbeat of the book, like, out of the Wilderness. Where did that come from? And kind of get me into what the book is about?

[Angela Halili]

Yeah, well, I think Ari and I. I remember really early on in Girls Gone Bible, we had an episode called Wilderness Season, and that's, like, one of my favorite episod were so new. It was so, so early, and we were just like. I think on the episode we read in the Gospels where Jesus is, like, led by the spirit into the wilderness and is tempted and, like, yeah, I just. We were so obsessed with the idea of, like, we go through really hard, challenging times. And, like, the wilderness season is basically a time where you don't know where God is. You don't see him anywhere. You are calling out, but he is not showing up. You're not hearing his voice. And, like, we've both gone so many different seasons like that, where you're just like, God, where are you? What are you doing in this, in this time? And so I think it was really special for us because now, like, it's 31 devotions, where Ari and I basically switch off every single day in the book, and we have 15 days each where we both recount stories in our lives where, like, we went through really hard things, we made massive mistakes or bad things happen to us, and it always is like, where was God in this? We didn't see Him. We could not figure out what he was doing. And then we write from hindsight. Like, we write, like, from where we were at that time. But then we give our perspective now, so we get to show people, like, this is what we went through, but this is where he was. And so if people watching, like, faith is built a lot of the time on history with God. Like, I look. My faith is built when I look back and I look at my history with God. And so I. I, like, we pray that people read and go through this devotional, and they're like, okay, I don't see God in my situation right now. I don't know what's going on. It doesn't look good at all. And he's just not showing up the way that he says in scripture. He'll show up. That's what it seems like. And they can then look at our history with God and be like, they went through the same thing, but he was there. His fingerprints are all over it. Even when you can't see him, even when he's not showing up the way you want him to, he's in it. Yeah, he is in it. And so that's our prayer with the book.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

I love that. Like, we're counting on God's faithfulness. Yeah, like, all. It's that song. It's like, all my life, you have been faithful. And I've had to say that so many times where I'm in the moments of, like, okay, I maybe not. I maybe can feel your faithfulness right here, right now, in this moment. But I look back over my life and every single season of my life, even in the hardest, lowest moments of my life, you have been so faithful because even your presence is more than enough. And so even if in those seasons, it felt like everything that could go wrong was going wrong, like, you showed up in a way that only you can show up.

[Angela Halili]

Right?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And I look back at those seasons now, and I'm like, wow. Yeah, it's just. It's so cool to trace back. And it goes back to even what you were saying, too, about journaling, because you can look back and see the faithfulness of God, because sometimes you can't remember, you're in the season, and you're just like, gosh, God, where are you? Like, but if you have those moments where you've journaled and you've sat with God and you've taken time to process through that season, then you can go back and you can remember, reflect and remember on how has shown up. So what. How would you describe a wilderness season? And is that something that. Like, do you enter a wilderness season because of something that you do? Is it a consequence of our sin? Or is it, you know, God punishing us or testing us? Or is it, you know, spiritual warfare? Like, how would you Guys, describe, like, what a wilderness season is and why we have to go through them. Okay, guys, I'm taking a short break from this podcast to tell you about some exciting news. My new book, Dare to be True. Stay true. Dare to be True. It just makes sense. When God laid this podcast on my heart, I actually had already started working on my next book, Dare to be True. And the whole point of this podcast and the whole point of this book is we were all designed and made for truth, and everyone in this world is searching for truth for it. Yet so many of us are searching for the right things in all of the wrong places. And this book is all about tackling the lies that often entangle us and bind us and finding the truth that sets us free. And so in this book, we're going to be tackling all the things from sin and shame and the lies around eternity and the lies around your identity and the lies around your purpose and how to find the truth and live free. Because the reality is, it says in Proverbs 14:12 that there is a way that appears to be right, but. But in the end, it leads to death. There is a way that the world preaches that we should go, that we should follow, that we should conform to, that we should look like, and in the end, it leads to death. Yet what God's word says is Jesus says in John 14:6, I am the way, the truth, and the life. So he is saying, the truth you are looking for can only be found in me. I am the truth. And I'm not only the truth. I'm the truth that leads to life and life abundantly. And then it says in John 8:32, when you know the truth, it's the truth that will set you free. And so if you have ever felt bound by lies, if you have ever questioned your worth, your confidence, your purpose, if you have ever wondered how you can break free from feeling weighed down, exhausted, overwhelmed, or even insecure about who you truly are and what your purpose is on this earth. This book is for you. I have often said, I just want to be free. I have looked at my husband many a times and said, I just want to be free. I'm tired of feeling weighed down. I'm tired of feeling not enough. I'm tired of being on this endless cycle of striving and performing and never feeling like I can reach what I need to reach and be who I need to be. And when I go back to the truth, when I go back to who God is and who God says I am, that is when I experience true freedom. And so this book is for you and I am so excited. True crew for you to go and get your copy of Dare to Be True. You can pre order it now. I will be including the link in this episode and so you can go and pre order it. It will be coming out this fall. I'm so, so excited and I can't wait. We're going to be doing some really fun series all about some of the content in this book, but you're going to want to get your hands on it because there's some really, really fun special pieces in this book that you can't get in this podcast. So you guys can go and pre order Dare to Be True now, if you want to break free from what is breaking you, I would say yeah.

[Angela Halili]

I mean, I would just go back to the gospel. I think, like, one of the main times, you know, instances where they talk about the wilderness in scripture is when Jesus is led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by Satan. And I love this story so much because I always think about how right before Jesus is led into the wilderness and he's tempted, he has, like, a massive spiritual victory in his life. He gets baptized and the Holy Spirit descends like a dove on Jesus, and it's like a massive spiritual victory that takes place. And I, I always think, I don't know what other people's interpretations of wilderness seasons are, but I do think that it can come from potentially, like, you know, you going a wrong way, making a. That you shouldn't have made, ending up in a situation that, like, you potentially did put yourself in. Right. I have so many times in the book where, like, it was me, like, I got myself there. But I do still believe that that's the Lord, like, allowing you to be in the wilderness to test your faith, to produce that endurance within you and to produce a faith that is, like, steadfast and where you rely. Like, there's just always something so significant that he's producing in you when he's not showing up the way that you want him to. Like, I'm obsessed with whenever someone tells me, like, I can't hear God and I just don't know where he's at. I always think about Jesus and I'm like, you're in a really good spot right now. He. Something is happening when he's not showing up. It's because something is happening within you. And so what was the second part of your question? Sorry.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

No, that's so good. And what's so Crazy was I. Literally, when I was reading through this, I, I was having the same. Because right now the, the chunk of scripture that I'm memorizing is James 1. And it says, like, it's talking about the testing of your faith and that, that's what produces perseverance. That's what produces that endurance to, to go to the end. Like, we want to be believers who don't just like, have this one time encounter with the Lord. And we're like, you know, hope that's enough. It's like, we want to make it to the end. Like, I want to be found faithful the day that Jesus comes back, you know, and that's what happens in those testing periods is it produces that perseverance and that endurance so that we can make it get to the end. So it's actually God's kindness. Like, we get so upset. We're like, God, I don't want to be tested. It's like. But it's his kindness actually, because that is what's producing the faith and the perseverance you're talking about. But I love that verse so much because you and you highlighted this. But it, it, and I want to, I want to specify the difference because it, it says that Jesus was led into the wilderness by the spirit of God to be tested. But then it, but then it says, and then he was tempted by the devil. And so there's a difference in the spirit of God may lead you into a wilderness season to test your faith, but the spirit of God does not tempt you. Yeah, like, and it says in James 1, like, when you're tempted, like, know that it's not God tempting you. God cannot tempt you. And God cannot be tempted by evil, but the enemy comes to tempt. But God test our faith so that it protects, produces more faith. It produces perseverance to endure. And so I love that so much. Can you guys get me into like, a wilderness season for you? What it, what has been like a wilderness season for you? And what did God teach you about himself through it?

[Arielle Ritzma]

Oh, gosh. My wilderness season. I always say, oftentimes God will, sometimes burdens will be our greatest blessing. And he gave me burdens, which was my greatest blessing, my wilderness season. I look back on every story and I'm like, thank you, Jesus for bringing me through that. Like, I cannot believe what you did. I would not be the person that I am. But my biggest wilderness season is my whole testimony and why I am where I am. When he stripped me of everything, stripped me of my career, Left me with. Not left me with no money, but I had no money. I had stripped me at my 30s with my relationship that I loved so much. And I'm sitting in my little studio apartment in the dark, and I'm. I'm looking up being like, what now? Like, what am I gonna do? And I was lost, and I was confused, and I was broken, and I was isolated and I was tired, and I was on my way out because I was at my end. And that's what he will often do. He will oftentimes get you to the end of yourself, so you will realize that he is all you need. And that's what he did for me. And it was the greatest blessing. And I know how painful heartbreak can be, and I know how painful it is to feel like you're alone in isolation. And I know how painful it can be when you feel so inadequate because you don't come from a Christian world. You come from the world. You don't grow up in faith, and you just feel like an outcast. I know what that feels like. And it's hard, but, man, that's when God does his greatest work.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah.

[Arielle Ritzma]

And so, yeah, him, he stripped everything from me. And that's. And I just remember being so tormented my whole life by thoughts. I always say I feel like Mary Magdalene. Like, I would have my hands over my head and I'd be. Be so tormented, but Jesus. And, you know, I tried everything. I was. I say this a lot, but I would call psychics. I'd hold a lucky rock. I was doing manifesting methods. He was my last resort until I was at the end of myself. And then I found him. And because I was in such darkness and I. I was searching everywhere, like he let me search in all these places to say, you will never find true love and true peace in another person and anything in the world. And manifesting methods and crystals in your lucky rock. In my lucky rock.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

I just love that.

[Angela Halili]

I love the lucky rock.

[Arielle Ritzma]

So keep searching.

[Angela Halili]

Yeah.

[Arielle Ritzma]

So keep doing all that. And so now, after being at the bottom and in the wilderness and searching for all these things and then finding him, I found true love. And so all those days of laying in my shower feeling like, I'm done, I can't do this anymore. All of those days of feeling like, what am I going to do without this person and getting everything ripped away from me, I just. I would encourage you. You fight. Because in those moments where everything is being stripped, that's where he's producing something that's so much better. On the other side of what you thought was the best for you.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

So good, because that's what we were made for. And I think we try to find it in creation when he's like, I'm the Creator and only in me can you find what you're looking for. And it talks about in Ecclesiastes 3, you know, I've. It says God has put eternity on every man's heart. Like, we were made for eternity. We were made for it. And so our soul is craving that and we turn to all the wrong things trying to find the right thing. And that's why we stay so desperate and hopeless and confused and searching. And it's. Until we, like you're saying, we get to the end of ourself, we find him, and that's when it changes everything. And so what. What happened for you in that moment when you had that revelation and that, like, you recognized, okay, I can't find it and all these other things, I can only find this in Jesus. But then what was the process like from there? Like, did you just exit wilderness season immediately? Like, what was kind of that? Like, yeah, the process.

[Arielle Ritzma]

Oh, man. I think. And also one of the biggest blessings he gave me was he didn't heal me right away. I mean, there were days where I didn't know how I was going to make it, how I was going to get through the day, but it produced a hunger in my heart. And I think that's the greatest blessing about the wilderness season is you get hungry and that fighter mode gets in you. And I, coming from the world and then coming into Christianity, I didn't know. I didn't. I mean, I came into a brand new territory. I didn't know if I could trust this whole thing. I didn't know I didn't grow up like that, but I knew what I experienced when I was on my. My bathroom floor and I couldn't pick myself up and I was being tormented in my mind and God picked me up on that shower floor and he saved my life and he helped me not take my own life. And I know what I experienced in that church, crying out to him, which then turned into laughing when he produced hope and peace and love that I had never experienced my whole life as a little girl. So I held on to that little hope and I fought and I would go to a church and I would. I got hungry and I got desperate and I got vulnerable. And that was my. That was the one thing I will say that I did, that I'm so proud of myself. That God did through me. He. He helped me be open. I never felt adequate in a church. What had nothing to do with Christians. It was my own shame because I didn't feel good. And so I would be the first one at the front of the altar and I would look at those. I would, when they would do the altar calls, I would be like, can you guys put your hands on me and pray for me? And they would, and they would pray for me and they would hold me and I did therapy and I would talk it out with a therapist and I prayed for friendships and I fought for friendships. Then he brought me my best friend and then the Bible and I just fought. And then I started reading scripture and it started renewing my mind. And my whole life I'm thinking that I will never be cured, that I will always have obsessive compulsive thinking that depression is the end of me, that it's in my bloodline and it will never get better. And this started healing my mind, you know. And so it was a process for a long time. And can I be honest with you? I'm still in process, I'm still healing. I still have to. I know that if like you said earlier, it hit home for me. I know if I'm away for Jesus even cuz I'm a broken girl and I come from a darkness. So I know if I even spend two days away from Jesus or the Word or out of my intimacy, obsessive compulsive thinking comes back. I have that thorn in my flesh. So I have to stay as close to Jesus. Absolutely possible.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah, we all do. We have an enemy that is after our intimacy. He is so threatened by our intimacy with Jesus because it's in that intimacy that we stay connected. It's in that intimacy that there's true relationship. Without that intimacy, it turns to religion or rebellion. And if we fall into either category, we're not walking in intimacy with Jesus. And I love that. Thank you for sharing all of that because I know that that just spoke to so many people and a lot of people aren't brave enough to confess the things that you just confessed. And it's in confession and it's in also like you sought it out like the it says in scripture, seek me and you will find me. Yeah, and you sought it out. You know, God will meet you where you're at. But there is a responsibility on our end and there is a seeking, there is a knocking, there is a asking that is required of us as believers. And I think a lot of times we just sit around and we're like, God, Dr. On my doorstep. But it's like, there's you. It's not an Amazon package like you. You have to. You have to take the steps. But then only God can heal. Only God can set free. Only God, you know? But I love that you also shared, like, you still took those steps. So powerful. I want to hear your story of being in the wilderness, because you guys both have, like, crazy, amazing, redeeming stories of what God has done in your life and now how God is using you is absolutely unbelievable. It really isn't only God kind of of story, and just. It's amazing. So I want to hear your wilderness season and. And what did you learn about God through that wilderness season?

[Angela Halili]

Yeah, I mean, I got to share my testimony last time that I was on your podcast, but, yeah, I think my testimony, like, a lot of ours, begins way before the testimony. Actually. We think it begins, like, it. It began in childhood. It began, you know, growing up in an immigrant family where. Yeah, I. I just. As I've gotten older and as I've gotten closer to Jesus, as I've developed awareness of the spiritual realm and the spiritual reality and the battle that's happening all the time around us, like, I've come to realize that, like, I've been fighting and facing battles that were never mine to begin with. Like, I can look at my family's history, my family's bloodline, and I see the anxiety, I see the depression, I see the fear, I see the alcoholism, and I see the escapism that has plagued my life, and I see that I'm carrying things that weren't mine to begin with. And my favorite thing about Jesus is that he doesn't just redeem your story. He literally redeems your family's history. He redeems your family's bloodline. Like, it's a blood. Like, by his blood, he redeems your bloodline.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Amen.

[Angela Halili]

It's so powerful, and that's what he's done in my life. Like, I was facing things that I should have never had to face through bloodline, through just the way I was raised. I was in, like, a family where just, like, tragedy, like, it was just tragic. Like, so many people are in families where you feel like there's just never any rest, there's just never any peace. Like, it's always chaotic. Somebody's always in pain, somebody's always crying. And so, yeah, that's kind of like, that was my situation. And I come from a mom who's just like the most amazing, beautiful woman in the world. And she's a die hard Catholic. She loves the Catholic church and she loves Jesus so much. We went to church this past weekend at this random little like spirit filled charismatic church. And you should see my mom, she's like hysterically laughing under the presence of God. Like it's just the most special thing I've like, I learned everything from her. But I grew up not in a Christian context. We didn't read the Bible. My family wasn't like spirit led by any means. My dad's not a believer and he has no spiritual life for himself. And so, you know, I grew up with a Jesus who is like a magical genie who you call on when you need help and he comes and helps and he protects you. And yeah, that along with the evil eye is kind of like what I grew up with. And, and so there was just a lot of confusion, a lot of deception because if you're just one degree off, one degree causes absolute destruction in your life. And that's what a lot of people live in is like you believe in Jesus. But then all these other things like Ari was just talking about. And so my life had no theological foundation whatsoever. I didn't know that you served God. I didn't know that you obeyed God. I didn't know about that part of him. Like I didn't know there was just no fear of God in my life.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah.

[Angela Halili]

And so I think just like a lot of trauma and a lot of issues and just all those things that I battled with. I started having like such severe panic attacks and anxiety and my mental health, like Ari's was just like down the drain and fast too. Like so scary, so full of fear. I couldn't drive a car. I couldn't go on a fourth store balcony because I was just like afraid I'd either fall off or jump off. Like I didn't. I just. So many irrational fears and fear just builds on itself. Like if Jesus doesn't help you, like fear will just get worse and worse. It feeds on itself. And so I started self medicating with alcohol because it was the only thing that I knew how to do. And yeah, that led me to a really, really bad place where I was just fully dependent on alcohol as a 30, 23 year old girl who was just like so scared and didn't want to do what she was doing. But I, I couldn't help myself. It was the only thing that made me feel better. It was the only thing that like quieted the Noise in my head, I battled a really, really aggressive, violent eating disorder that I only just recently started opening up about. So it like, is really, it's like hard. And yeah, like, I battled a 10 year eating disorder that I didn't tell anybody about literally until recently. And on Thanksgiving 2019, after I met my mentor who is just a beautiful, spirit filled man who just prayed for me every day for six months, I've really experienced the sovereign hand of God on my life. Like, I was just a girl with like no father's voice. And he like, has always fathered me so well. And yeah, he stepped into my story, supernaturally delivered me from a severe alcoholic addiction in one moment. It wasn't like some big grand thing that happened. I didn't cry out to him. He literally stepped in and he said, it's over. I'm rescuing you because you literally can't help yourself. And later on, actually only almost a year, a little over a year ago, he supernaturally freed me from bulimia after a year fasting and praying about it. So, like, yeah, I've just. It's been a lot. It's been a lot. So many different things, so many different battles. And life can be really, really hard. And if you don't have Jesus, you cannot survive. You just can't. Especially when you come from darkness the way that Ari and I do. Especially if you come. A lot of us are carrying things that aren't ours to begin with. We're fighting battles that go way, way back. And we do not stand a chance if we do not have things. The spirit of God in our lives. There is no freedom. Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. If you do not have the spirit of God dwelling inside of you and leading your life, you will be bound. Your book is on being bound. Thank God you wrote that book because everybody is bound. And we need freedom in the only place we won't find it, in the lucky rock, we won't even find it. Therapy is amazing. But even just with therapy and counseling, without Jesus, you will never find the freedom that you're looking for.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

So good. And I have. Yeah, I have chills. Were you about to say I have chills. I have tears because I think about the verse in Revelation that says you overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of your testimony. And that's what you guys are saying is it's only Jesus. But also, there's so much power in sharing your story of how Jesus rescued you. Because those listening now who maybe have been hiding in sexual sin, in alcoholism, in eating disorders, in depression, anxiety and intrusive thinking, and in all of these things and excusing it, even with, like, this is generational or I can't get out of this. This is just how it is. It'll always be this way. You guys right now, through sharing your story, are giving someone hope that Jesus meets you wherever you're at, in the midst of your lowest, in the midst of your wilderness season. And he wants. Wants to pull you out. Like, it says that the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but I have come to give you life and life to the fullest. John 10:10. He comes to give us life, and not just life eternal, but life here on Earth. Like, he wants us to experience freedom here on Earth. And I'm looking at two free women. I'm looking at two free women who experienced and same for me, seasons and maybe even a life of bondage in so many different areas. But because of Jesus and because of your willingness to let him come in and absolutely pull you out of something that you couldn't pull yourself out of. Like, you're free now. And there are. I say this in my book, and I say this a lot. There are a lot of forgiven Christians, but there are not a lot of free Christians. There are a lot of Christians who are walking around boundaries, hurting, stuck, suffering, enslaved to that sin, holding on. Both of you kind of alluded to this, but, like, holding on to Jesus with one hand, but holding on to the world with the other hand, and they don't know how to let go. They don't know how to get free. And I just, again, I think about that verse in Revelation of we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. And there's so much power in the Word of God and in the people of God to know that you're not alone and there is a blueprint. But then just like surrendering your life to Jesus and letting him meet you where you're at, to get you out of what you can't get yourself out of. I'm just so thankful for y'. All. I'm so thankful that you guys are. I love. And I said this at the beginning, but you're so. Yeah, you're just so vulnerable and real about the things that you've dealt with and the things that you're walking through. And you kind of spoke to this r. But you're like, it's. It's a process. And I kind of want to move to that. That side of. To Talk about next of, like, God brought you guys out of those things, out of. Out of those sins, out of those bondages, out of those weights that were entangling you. But what is it? So how do you go about, like, the process of what's next? Because freedom is an everyday decision, right? And walking with Jesus is an everyday decision. And some of those things try to creep back up or, you know, the lies come again or the temptations come again or whatever it may be. Like, the Lord may have rescued you out of one wilderness season, but what has that process and journey looked like for the both of you since that moment? And just in your everyday moments of. And especially with what you guys are doing now? Like, of course the enemy hates how many people you guys are sharing truth with and how many people are being impacted by your yes to Jesus and your obedience to Jesus. And it hasn't been easy. We're. We're really close friends. We all talk about. We confess to each other the things that the lies we're believing and the things we're doing were wrestling with and struggling with. And so I want to get into that of, like, now, you guys, you're walking in freedom. You're walking in your calling and purpose. You're walking in intimacy with Jesus. And there's still moments of feeling back in, like, maybe not a full wilderness season, but, like, wilderness moments.

[Angela Halili]

Totally.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Can you get me into that a little bit?

[Angela Halili]

Yeah, we always do this. The first thing that came to my mind was the moment. Is it the pool of Bethesda? The pool, yeah. Where Jesus is talking to the lame man and he says, do you want to get well? Do you want to be made well? I always think about that because, like, we talked about this last night at the book signing where I was like, everything in life is a choice. God can come down and do the craziest miracles without anybody's help. But he literally, he, like, if. If we never preach the gospel again, he could still get everybody to hear it because he doesn't need us, but he chooses to partner with us. From the beginning of time. It's always a partnership. Like, yes, it's slave and master, but it's also a partnership. And so I always think about that verse where he's like, do you want to be made well, And I asked the people watching and myself, do you want to be free? I want to be free. A lot of people say they want to be free, but they don't actually want to be free. Your heart has to be burning for Jesus in a way that, like, nothing other than freedom will satisfy you. Because people, sir, there are some people who will be okay with being bound in some ways. So I think you first have to make the decision and say, I want freedom. I want to be free. I want to do everything that I need to do to be free. And some people are just blinded in a way where, like, I don't know, maybe it's insecurity that causes them to stay in the things that they're doing. Maybe it's pride that causes them to not want to let go of certain things or feel like they don't really fully have to. And so I would just start, and I'll give it to ar, but I would just start in saying, like, do you want this? Because if you want this, if you have the desire that, like, the Lord will honor that desire in your heart, I am able to stay free. Of course, I still struggle in a million different ways, and we can talk about it. But from the big things that I've been delivered from, I want to be free from alcohol. I want to be free from bulimia. I want to be free from sexual sin. I will not dance with sexual sin because I don't want it. Because my heart is not just a little bit on fire for Jesus. My heart burns for Jesus. And when you burn for Jesus, everything else is horrible. And so that's where I will start with is just like, what do you want? What do you want? What is your heart burning for? And if you're not burning for Jesus yet, we're going to say the one word that we said a thousand times up until now. Intimacy with Jesus. Where's intimacy cultivated in the secret place. How is intimacy cultivated in the secret place? By spending costly sacrificial time. Time. When you get down and you give him five minutes, that's great. He loves it. He honors that. But if you have. If you are able to make the time, which almost 99.9% of us are, if you're able to sit down in the secret place and everything in your body wants to get up, you want to start your day. Sometimes I sit down to have my quiet time, and I don't want to be there. Like, I want to get up.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Up.

[Angela Halili]

I want to go answer emails and get on the phone and do the things that I'm supposed to do. But in that time where I choose to stop and linger and stay, that's where intimacy is built. Sacrifice. Like when you're giving time that is costing you something, and I'm telling you Guys, if you spend an hour, even two hours with the Lord every single morning, you have no idea what happens. You can't not be on fire for Jesus when you give him time, that life. Like, you leave and you're like, oh my gosh, I didn't. Now I don't want to leave. At first I couldn't even muster up the energy to stay, and now I don't want to leave. Cuz you're in such a special place of worship. That's what I would say.

[Arielle Ritzma]

So good. I'm going to say I have a couple things that I feel like God's speaking to me. Same as her. Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. And wisdom doesn't start till God has conquered your heart. And how does God conquer your heart? When you understand the love of God, like, it's been such a journey for me to, to really take in the love of God. And I think you could be walking with Jesus your whole life and you still don't fully understand the love of God. But it's in the wilderness seasons. It's in, it's in these dark times where, where it's like everything is fleeting in this life. Everything, everyone, everything is fleeting. But when God pulls you up out of the pits of hell and he sits with you in your grief, when everybody walks away and you're sitting in sin and he's still sitting there like this, waiting for you, you don't understand. You know how many times I have fallen short of his glory and he picks me up and he redeems me. That's love. And so when you capture that true revelation of his love, you naturally say, I want to live for you. And so when I really captured what it was like, what God's love was really like, it naturally made me say, what have I been doing my whole life? I don't want to live the way I've been living. And so really, and that goes with intimacy with Jesus, really, just some people are new believers and you don't even know. Like, what do you mean intimacy? Just sit with him. You don't even need to talk. Sit and worship. Soak in the worship in the morning. Just sit there and listen to him. Read the Scriptures and the Psalms. Another thing I want to say is confess to one another.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah.

[Arielle Ritzma]

The greatest gift that God gave us is one another. Having my best friend to lift my head off the pillow to be able to confess to her everything. Shame loses its power. Shame says, I've done this a hundred times, I'll never be forgiven. Shame says I'm too far gone. Shame says, hide. But when we confess to one another, it's freedom. And the devil doesn't want us. Us to confess to one another. He wants us to stay stuck. And so confessing to one another just. It breaks. It breaks everything. It loses its power.

[Angela Halili]

I'm sorry, can I add one more thing to that? I feel so heavily like for people listening, just to add on to what Ari's saying is, like, you have to be aware of who you're getting your advice from. You're really good about this, Maddie. Like, I know you are, like, all about accountability, and you do not want to hear what you want to hear or say specifically what your flesh wants to hear. You want to hear truth. And so I would just encourage everybody to be very aware of who you're being guided by and who you're being influenced by. And, like, if somebody is condoning your sin in any way, shape or form, you have to, like, even to make you feel better, there's grace and love. And, like, of course, like, if my friend falls, like, I'm so loving. But someone who's, like, validating you in your sin or validating you in your compromise and right, they might not even know. It's not like they're doing it on purpose. Like, I specifically, I'm very careful who I get advice from. If people are telling me what I want to hear, like, I know it immediately, and I won't even. I. I, like, reject it because I'm like, that's not helpful for me. So just, like, whoever you have around you, like, you need just, like, the most godly people who are chasing after Jesus, and that's what's going to keep you from going back into your sin. It's other people.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Amen.

[Angela Halili]

It's godly community. That's what I've learned. You want to know why I was living in compromise my entire life? Because I didn't have one Christian around me who told me the truth. Not even one. So, yeah, that's what I would say. Sorry.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

She's, like, getting fired up, dropping a bomb.

[Angela Halili]

So.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah, no, so true. And that was actually a question I was gonna have, but you guys just basically answered it through that, and I'm so grateful. But the importance of in the wilderness season, not even in the wilderness in all seasons of life, but specifically in the wilderness seasons, in the hard seasons, seasons of life, you've got to have godly community. You've got to have your. Your sisters in Christ, like, for the females out there, for the men out there, your brothers in Christ, you've got to have people around you that will lift up your arms when you can't lift them up. That will help you take another step when you don't have the strength to keep going. But that also, like what you guys are saying, not just someone that you can fall on, but also someone that can like, call you higher and someone that will hold you accountable. Because I think confession comes in two parts. Yes, it's important for us to conf our sin to one another, and yes, it's important for us to pray over one another. As James 5 talks about, that's where we find healing. But I think the second part of that is the power is in the accountability of, hey, I love you too much to just let you stay stuck in this. Like, as your friend, I love you too much to just say, hey, I'm sorry, that's really hard. Let me pray for you. And then like, by, like, figure it out.

[Angela Halili]

Totally.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

I'm. I'm gonna help you defeat this. I'm gonna help you through the power of God and the word of God together, we are going to hold each other accountable. And. And you're going to help me in my sin struggle, and I'm going to help you and your sin struggle. And we're going to check in and we're going to set guardrails and boundaries so that we don't keep falling back into the same sin. Into the same sin. And I think that is what is so beautiful. And even Yalls story. And you talk about this in the book, and especially I think it was you that was talking at the very end of the book about just like the importance of Yalls relationship and friendship and in the wilderness season, how important that is to have those. Those people. And so I'm so glad that you guys touched on that because some of us are trying to do ISO Christianity. We're trying to do this thing alone. We're trying to figure it out by ourselves. And we weren't made to do things alone. We weren't made to do life alone. And that you will not find freedom and isolation, just like you will not find freedom with unhealthy, ungodly community. And so it's finding community, but it's finding the right community. It's finding godly people. It's finding people that you trust their word. You trust that they're going to point you to the truth and that going to pray for you. If they say they're going to pray for you, they're Going to pray for you. Those are the kind of friends that we were made to do life with. And so I'm so glad that you guys touch on that.

[Arielle Ritzma]

Can I say one more thing?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yes, go.

[Arielle Ritzma]

It's so true because I am someone who is always on emotion. So I was always led on emotions. So I would go to people for advice and be like, well, what do you think about that? And then it would fire me up. Cuz they'd be on based on their emotions. But that's why it's so important to have godly people, because they'll, they'll go back to this.

[Angela Halili]

Yeah, Dana.

[Arielle Ritzma]

That's what I was thinking about our.

[Angela Halili]

Mentor, Ariana's mentor, her name is Dana. She's the our world. She's everything.

[Arielle Ritzma]

She's seasoned and older. She.

[Angela Halili]

Yeah, she's seasoned. She like is. She's so incredibly wise. I'm telling you, every conversation we have, I have with her personally is so offensive. Like I am so deeply offended by everything she says. And it is the best. I'm not actually offended, obviously, but I could be if I wasn't like. But I go to her and I know that she's gonna tell me the truth. I know that she's gonna first to Jesus and then inward and be like, why are you doing this? I'll go to her and be like, dina, John is really, really upsetting me right now.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

John is her boyfriend and he needs.

[Angela Halili]

To change and it's really wrong. And then somehow I'm like, john, John's amazing. I see the problem. Why is that? Yeah. And it's like people like that, I trust those people. You know what I mean?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

You need people in your life that aren't just yes, people. You need people in your life that'll be like, no, actually there. You need to search your own heart. Like, what is something you need to work on, Even if it's just you're only 2% of the, of the equation of the problem. Own your 2%.

[Angela Halili]

Exactly.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Like work, work on your 2%. I think we're so constantly looking at the speck in other people's eye that we often, you know, forget to repent of our own sin and the things that we're struggling with, whether it's judgment or criticism or grumbling or fear or whatever it may be.

[Arielle Ritzma]

Oh yeah. It's been my part of my learning journey. I love that back out of my own eyes.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

And I love, I love, love that you're talking about. Like it should in, in some ways be offensive because it talks about in scripture like the Word of God. So people who are in the Word of God, who are led by the Word of God and who are going to challenge you with the Word of God, it says that the Word of God is meant to correct and rebuke and train and teach. And it's like, if that's what the truth is for, is to correct and rebuke and encourage. Like, there's going to be some moments where you're encouraged by the Word of God. There's going to be some moments where you're reading the Word of God and you're like, ouch, that hurts. Because like I, I, I recognize I'm a sinner in need of a savior. Like, I recognize that I am imperfect, but he is perfect. And that's what the Word is supposed to do. And so when you're doing life with people who are in the Word and who meditate on it daily and so it's in their heart like they should be reminding you of the truth and pointing you back to the truth and calling you out when you're in your sin and leading you back to the truth. I want to read a couple of things I wrote down in my, I was, I was listening to Yalls book and it was just so good. I was, I was like, I never have notes, but I'm like, I want to have notes because there were a couple things that you guys said that I was like, I, I want to say this and, and ask a question around this. Okay. R. You say in the book raw dependence on God comes from suffering and that you went from a why God mindset to a thank you God mindset. And I want you to tell me about that because I think so many of us run from suffering and we're afraid of suffering and we think that suffering is punishment from God. And so I would love for you to talk about why suffering can actually connect us to God and what that did for you when you went through one of the hardest seasons of your life and what that process of changing from a why God to a thank you God.

[Arielle Ritzma]

I just was saying this the last episode, but I could have made two decisions. I could have went two different ways. I could have stayed so stuck and inclined complaint and in depression. Or I could have fought with Jesus and thank God I did. The enemy wants us to think where you're at is the best it will ever be. You're too far gone. You're in your 30s. You're never, it's your time is up. You're never Going to be anything. Look at how you grew up. Depression is your identity. You have mental illness. All these things that my mind told me, right, that the enemy has been planting in my mind since I was a little girl. But I fought. Because when you seek Jesus with all your heart, you will find him. And then what happens when you find him, you will find yourself. And thank God I fought with him. Look at what he did in my life. If I'm not a testimony of Jesus taking a girl in her 30s who thought I was so far gone, who was struggling with mental illness, who was going through the worst heartbreak of her life. I thought I was going to be a mom and a wife. I'm in my mid-30s, and all of a sudden everything's gone. And my mind's telling me, end your life. It's done. And I fought. Thank you, God, I did. And if I can do it, so can you. I didn't even grow up like this. Like, I. I grew up with. The doctors told me that I was never going to be better. So thank God I fought. Because if I didn't get to the bottom of the pit, I wouldn't have had hunger in my heart. I wouldn't have stayed dependent. That's why I'm so glad he didn't heal, because it kept me dependent on him. And I wouldn't have known what true love is if I didn't get to the bottom. For him to show me it's not in any of these things. It's in me. He showed me true love, and it was only through my suffering. He showed me that it's never in the hands of someone else or in the hands of a career. It's only in me. And that was only because he took everything away from me. And so I just, please don't give up. Please fight. Please stay dependent. Don't just be in community. Keep fighting with him. Because what's on the other side of your suffering and in your wilderness season is better than you can even imagine. I can't believe what he did in my life, of me just surrendering. Staying close to eight months. He changed my life. Life.

[Angela Halili]

Yeah.

[Arielle Ritzma]

You know, eight months of me just completely saying, okay, I give it to you.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Surrendering.

[Arielle Ritzma]

And can I say one more thing? Like, surrender is not easy. Yeah, Surrender, we think. Like, when I heard surrender, I was like, oh, I just got to give it all up. But how? Surrender was me on my hands and knees every single morning, crying out, being like, I know you would never take anything away from me that wasn't meant for me, but my heart is so, so broken and I'm, I, I feel like I'm dying. Help me. Show me why. Like, help. Every day it was like, help me. And so oftentimes it's, it's many days with tears coming out of your eyes, crying out and pleading out. But that's where you know and find true love.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

So good. So good. It talks about in Hebrews that we learn obedience through what we suffer. It says, Jesus learned obedience through what he suffered. And if Jesus learned obedience through suffering, like, how much more do we learn obedience through suffering? And it's just, it's such a, a beautiful reminder of like, it's, it's in the suffering that we look most like Jesus. It's in the suffering that we are most dependent on Jesus. And if that's the whole point, like.

[Arielle Ritzma]

If that's the whole point, like, give me some more.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah, I say this all. I've said this on the podcast before. Grant and I talk about it all the time. Time. And it's kind of a hard thing to say cuz it's like you don't like, wish for suffering. But I think that we're going to be in heaven one day and we're going to be like, God, why didn't you let me suffer more?

[Angela Halili]

Right?

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Why didn't you let me suffer more if that's what it produced? Like, I'm in heaven one day and I'm seeing all that was produced and I'm like, wait, that's what came with my suffering? God, why didn't you let me suffer more? I think our whole mindset is going to be flipped when we get to heaven. And I think here we're so afraid of it because we don't want to be uncomfortable and we want the things of God that are good and easy and blessing. And he's like, but true blessing, eternal blessing, actually a lot of times comes through the suffering and the trials and the testing because that's where your faith is learning to persevere and for you to depend on me. So good. Thank you for sharing that. And you have this moment in the book where you say, I am not a powerless victim to what is going on in my head. I have the ability to take control of these thoughts through the authority given to me by Jesus. And that is such a powerful statement to proclaim because that's a life changing revelation that you had and that other people listening to this can have because you battled with OCD and severe panic disorder as you talk about in the book. And I want you to dive into that a little bit as we start wrapping up here with this. This episode. But I want you to talk about that because I know in the moment when you were battling with OCD and intrusive thoughts and panic disorder, you probably felt extremely hopeless. And so now for you to be able to say, like, I am not a slave to those thoughts. Those thoughts have no power over me anymore. Those things have no power over me anymore. What would you say to the person who is in the middle of that battle right now? They have a battle of the mind. Like, their mind. I think you caught it in the book. Like, the mind is the war zone of the.

[Arielle Ritzma]

What is.

[Angela Halili]

My mind is a war zone.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

My mind is a war zone. And there's a lot of people listening to this right now that it's like, my mind is a war zone. What would you say?

[Angela Halili]

Yeah, thank you so much for bringing that one up. I think, you know, the greatest message of my life other than the gospel is authority. Because I battled so hard and I was losing. Like, I literally, right, I was in a war, I was in a battle and I was losing. Like, I was on the losing team because I just had no idea. I had no idea that I am not governed by anxiety. Like, I did not know that I actually can be governed by the spirit of God himself. And my mentor Socrates came into my life and he's like a super hyper spiritual prophetic man who just like, I love that he was my spirit, spirit spiritual formation. Because it just like gave me so much confidence in my ability to speak. Like, we have the power of life and death on our tongue. And if God himself created the heavens and the earth with a spoken word, how much more can we create our own worlds through the words that we speak? And I just realized that, like, it was this internal battle where, yes, like, anxiety is something that you can tend to with therapy and with community and all of those things. And that, that's practical and that's amazing. And there's like tending to the heart that needs to happen. But there's also a spiritual side to it where, like, we have do dominion, we have authority through Jesus to speak to anxiety, to speak to our minds, speak to the thoughts, lay hands and say, I'm not accepting this anymore in Jesus name.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Yeah.

[Angela Halili]

My whole spiritual formation was me, my healing from anxiety, my healing from the obsessive compulsive disorder was me putting my hands on my head and declaring 2nd Corinthians 10 5. I demolish arguments and every Pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God. And I take every thought in my mind captive and I make it obedient to Christ.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

Amen.

[Angela Halili]

And I declare the mind of Christ over my mind. I. I belong to Jesus. My mind belongs to Jesus. And OCD still comes up. Like Ari said, when I spend a little time away from Jesus, if I'm, if I'm a little busy, if I'm doing a lot of ministry stuff and I'm not being fed as little Angela, who needs her dad, of course, that's, that's my, like, that's my default. That's where I go back to. And so I just want to speak to anybody dealing with obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety, fear, specifically. First, I want you to understand that you're safe in your mind because your mind will start playing tricks on you. It'll make you feel like you're not safe. It'll make you feel like something is wrong with you, like you're crazy, like you're experiencing something that nobody else is experiencing. It's not the truth. Your mind, your body, your brain is designed to take care of you. Your heart is designed, created to actually beat to keep you alive. You have blood that flows through your veins that is create, like, meant to keep you alive. Your brain is on your side. Sometimes it feels like it's not, but it is on your side. You are safe in your mind. Jesus is in control. He. If you are a believer, if you have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of you, you can never be possessed by something else. Yes, the enemy will throw darts at you. He'll take advantage of the, you know, issues in your, in your parents lives, their mental health issues, and he'll use it against you. But you're safe. You belong to Jesus. And you go into the secret place and you start speaking to the anxiety. You start speaking to your mind and say, you have to be obedient to Jesus. You could do this with your body too. If you're sick, if there's something wrong with you, you say, every part of my body has to be obedient to Jesus. I belong to Jesus. There is no other option. And so if you have these overthinking thoughts and you can't stop, you have to go to bat in prayer and say, I'm done. I'm not having these thoughts anymore. Satan, you are exposed with what you're trying to do. I see what you're doing. And I invite the peace of God into my life. I invite the peace of God into My mind. And I pray in Jesus name, Lord, that you'd wash my mind in peace, that you would cover my mind with the blood of Jesus, the precious blood of the lamb. And that's what you do, and that's how you fight. And you're safe. You're so safe in your own mind.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

So good. So good.

[Angela Halili]

Good.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

You fight with the Word of God, you fight with the Spirit of God, and you fight with the people of God. Those three things are going to be so crucial when you are battling intrusive thoughts, when you are battling sin addictions, when you are battling just thoughts of unworthiness or whatever it may be. And scripture is like, you're talking about speaking scripture out loud. Like, some of us just read it and it lives in and it just, like we're reading it our mind, but it's when you speak it out loud, we were talking about authority. It gives you a sense of authority. Not, not because of who you are, but because of the spirit of God that is alive and active in this Word. This Word is powerful. It's not just words on a page. Like, this is the spirit of God is in this Word. And so keeping that in mind, there are people, like, I have to think about this often. And Grant talked about this on the podcast. There are people in other countries, you guys, that do not have access to the Word of God of God. They don't. They don't have access to the Word of God in their own language. They've never, they've maybe heard a verse, whatever. They've never had a chance to sit down and actually read the Word of God. In America, we have access to the Word of God. We have access to be able to buy a Bible for like, I don't know, $10. And you, you can turn. You get to read the Word of God, you get to spend time in the Word of God, and you get to read the Word of God out loud. And that is, is the biggest privilege. Like, what a gift. And so I just, I love that you spoke to that because I encourage every single one of you, get in the Word of God and read it out loud and speak it out loud over yourself. We talked about so many good things in this episode today, and I'm so grateful for this devotional and I'm going to be linking it for you guys of how you can get this devotional out of the wilderness. 31 devotions to walk with God through hard seasons, through your hardest season seasons. And they're so vulnerable and open about their hardest seasons in this book. And they're so honest about the truth that set them free and what they clung to in this, like in the hardest seasons of their life. And even if you're not in one of the hardest seasons of your life right now, you will have one of the hardest seasons if you're. Because that's life. Like it says in the word of God, take heart. In this world, you will have trouble. Like that is a promise from God. You're going to have trouble, but in his. Him, like he has overcome the world. And so we get to put our hope not in a circumstance changing, but in the one who is in full control. And they remind us of this in. In these devotions. And so a lot of you want to be closer to Jesus, A lot of you want this intimacy with Jesus that we're talking about, but you don't know where to start. And that's what I love about devotions, because it's like holding your hand like you're, you know, they're like sitting next to you reading the Bible with you. And. And that's what it feels like. Like you're not in it all alone. And so you get to partner with two women who are very honest about the. The struggles that they've walked through and pointing you back to Jesus. And so, so thankful for this. I'm so thankful for y'. All. And I know that this is going to be so encouraging to those of you who go and buy this book and start allowing God to do what only God can do, and he will absolutely change your life. I want to speak as we end this, just this verse, because it has the word wilderness in it. And this is my verse in like 2018, when I was literally in a wilderness season and struggling. And God laid this verse in my heart. And it's Isaiah 43, 18:19. It says, forget the former things. Do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing now. It springs up. Do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. And so if you feel like you're in the middle of a wilderness, just know you serve a God who is the way maker. He makes a way way in the wilderness, like that's who he is. And so if you feel like man, everywhere I look, it just feels like a wasteland. Like he. He wants to meet you there, and he wants to make a way where there seems to be no way. I'm so grateful to get to do life and ministry with you guys. And I'm so thankful that you all came on the podcast.

[Angela Halili]

You're my girl.

[Madison Pruitt Trout]

I am so excited to hear how this episode encouraged you and challenged you and how this book encourages you and challenges you. So, as always, guys, be sure to stay you and stay true. We love you.

[Arielle Ritzma]

We love you.