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Welcome to stories from among the stars. You're listening to the book eaters by sun yi dean. Narrated by katie ehrich.
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Act 4 Dawn Chapter 22 Father, son, and Holy Spirit Present Day it isn't fair and it isn't right. Aren't we people too? All families are family. The Collector made us all, each for our purposes. Even if we no longer follow those purposes so strictly, we are no more or less deserving of compassion or the right to free lives than the Book Eaters are. Why should we live under lock and key? Weston must agree to set us free. Give us the secrets of redemption, allow us to emancipate the other dragons, the least of what we deserve. And if he does not agree? Then I will do what I must. Whatever it takes. Killak Ravenscar Private Journal the Ravenscar siblings stood in the grey winter light of the first library, with Manny quietly occupying the far corner, all three of them listening in perfect silence. Devon sat with hands tucked behind her knees, gazing out through the windows. Traquair's garden maze filled the window view, dark and overgrown even in bright winter sunlight. It looked the way her life felt, tangled, full of dead ends. Into the breathy stillness. Kilnick said, and afterward, how did you escape the premises after Kai ate his father's mind? I found Matley's keys, cleaned out his private safe, and got the hell out. Her gaze wandered, drinking in the room. Shadows played over rows of vintage books on oaken shelves. Darkness soothed the eye. Thick carpets, cushioned bare feet. The scent of softly aging paper and warm wood encompassed them. She had missed this kind of house, she thought, and felt chagrined. Years of wanting to get away from the families and their manners. Yet here she was, reveling in that environment. Once a princess, always a princess. The Easterbrooks didn't give chase. Manny pulled out a notepad and began scribbling. I borrowed the car before any of them knew what was happening, devon said, sinking back against her too comfortable chair. I managed to get to the train station. We caught a train at random, ended up in the south. It took the knights a while to start tracking us down. Hester had dug out a pad and pencil from the study desk, but unlike Manny, she wasn't taking notes. Devon, glancing across at the expanse of pale paper, was startled to realise the other woman was sketching something. Trees and foliage, a hint of hedges. Her view from the window interesting. Kalet coiled and uncoiled, his tongue like a serpent. But consuming a Book Eater mind is not the same as consuming a human one. Due to the vast quantity of information that book eaters can retain. That is an experience that changes us. How did your son cope with such a feed at such a young age without enduring severe psychological trauma? He didn't cope. After a few hours, Kai was nearly vegetative, rocking, swaying, gibbering to himself. I met a woman in the park with a baby. I saw them and I had this idea, you know, because a baby's mind, it's so blank, so small, and Devon squeezed her hands together. No one else was around. I knocked the mother out and gave the baby to Kai. In the state he was in, he didn't object. I'm not sure he even remembers. And this, even this horror, wasn't the full truth. But she couldn't give anyone else the truth. Not yet. Hester's voice floated, the words soft and quiet. What happened to the baby? She held her pencil perfectly still, poised above the sketchpad, returned it to the mother. The whole thing took about 10 minutes and nobody else noticed. Not strictly what happened. The context had been different, but the basic fact was she'd destroyed that infant before giving it back. The child would have missed all its developmental milestones by not showing emotion or personality or making attempts to communicate. All the things Devin had taken such joy in with her own children would never belong to that woman. Ten minutes to ruin a whole chain of lives. Kai had never called her mum again, not since that day, and Devon hadn't pushed the issue. She understood perfectly. Biologically, she was his parent and always would be, but emotionally, they had become something closer to partners in crime, mutual abusers locked in codependency. Either way, Mother felt like a title she no longer deserved to hear from anyone. This was our doing. These events. We were the catalysts, hester said finally. Our decision to leave must have shuttered the nights, triggered the killings of any living dragon children. I am not responsible for the actions of others, killik said frostily, running a thumb along the line of his jaw. I'm not really sure what you'd have had me do, Hess. Given the other families the secret of making redemption like you promised, for a start. Maybe. Killick cleared his throat. His sister flushed and made a show of straightening her blouse. Devon listened to them with faint astonishment. Had the freeing of other Mind Eaters been the original goal behind Kilak's coup? And if so, why hadn't he done as he promised? Something had gone wrong there. According to what you've told us, you and your son spent, what, two years on the run? Manny said, drawing everyone's attention back to him. Do the families care so much for a woman with no fertility and a child who they cannot feed? Good question. Killuk angled himself away from his sister. The families care nothing for me, and the knights at present are mostly defunct. She was acutely aware of walking a knife edge. Too much of the wrong emphasis and she'd arouse their suspicion, their well founded fear that in fact the knights were seeking the Ravenscars. The ones who hunt me do so because it's personal. One of the knights is a brother of mine. Your brother is a knight? Hester puts her sketchpad on the table and leaned forward in a chair. The men in the station. You didn't kill him, devon said and couldn't help but sound rueful. More's the pity. He is high up in what remains of the knights. They're acting alone without the family's support. And the two years? Kilik prompted. That is a long time in the wilderness, so to speak. Why wait so long to seek us out? I didn't wait. It just took me a long time to actually figure out what had happened to the ravens cars. You're not easy to track down. Even the families couldn't find you. And I wasn't exactly well educated on Inter Manor politics. A minefield that Manny murmured, pen still scratching. Living hard, learning to kill for your son, frantically hunting down any sign of our chemical suppliers, all while running away from an old enemy. Killick traced an idle pattern on the arm of his chair, his nail catching on loose threads. That is a lot to endure, Devon of Fairweather Manor. Someone else might well have abandoned their child and taken the chance to seize their own freedom. I don't need freedom for myself. Only for Kai. She hadn't forgotten Salem, but this wasn't the time or place to discuss her daughter. If I can make his life better, then I'll be happy. Optimistic. Though I can't fault you that. He leaned back in the chair, which creaked with strain. Anything else you wish to share of your adventures, Devon? This is an invitation to be clear and not a demand. Anything else? Well, she could tell them about the relief that alcohol brought as the months had dragged on. About the guilt ridden dreams and the compass with Salem's picture that weighed heavier than chains. About. About all those nights standing over her son's sleeping form as she thought about smothering him, then stopping herself. About the discarded victims she'd carried one by one by one to a slew of homeless shelters over the months. But if Devon talked about any of that, then she'd have to talk about how you really could get used to anything with enough time and motivation. How her crimes swiftly dwindled from horrific and extraordinary to a facet of her everyday reality. She'd worked out at some point that this was how the Easterbrookes conducted their trafficking without breaking a sweat. How the patriarchs overlooked the suffering and servitude of the mother brides they destroyed. How humans could continue to exist in an infrastructure of misery. Trauma became routine and cruelty mundane, just life in it. Likewise, her obscenely selfish love had become a guiding light. She no longer cared for anyone but her kids, and Jarrow herself she had concern for, but only as a means of helping Kai. For love, she would wield Ramsay Knight like a weapon to cut herself free from the families and not look back. As long as it preserved her son, none of that was anything Kilik needed to know. However. Only one thing to add, devon said, because she didn't want to leave the silence hanging. We share the same sin and the same anger. I would bet my left arm that you will never in your lifetime meet anyone who understands what you've been through as well as Kai and I will understand. We may not be born under the same roof, but we are family of a kind. Don't you think? Hester touched her throat. I never said what we had been through, killick answered in silky tones. Are you so sure that we have that much in common? I can put two and two together, devon said. I'm guessing the Ravens cars have been keeping their mindy to children in defiance of the family's customs. Because there are a lot of you here. Likewise, there are no Book eaters in this household. She slouched against the overstuffed armchair. I'm also guessing the Coop was more of a civil war, minded to Raven's cars versus the Book Eater. Ravens, cars, that kind of thing. It sounds like you wanted to free other Mind Eaters by giving away redemption. Her gaze flicked briefly to Hester. Which your patriarch refused to do. Bang on the money. Kilnock smiled. Allow me to give some context, if I may. After my predecessors developed redemption, the patriarchs stopped killing my kind at birth. They decided our lives were worth the hassle. We can write, after all, an increasingly important ability in a modern world that requires paperwork and literacy. And we can steal identities at a pinch if needed. The only question was how to balance our usefulness against our inherent danger to others. They did not trust us to live unsupervised, hester said, crossing and uncrossing her ankles with tense Energy. The hunger would always be a temptation, even when we can subsist on books, as you do now. Hundreds of years of fear isn't easily overturned, I suppose. The knights already existed to arrange and chaperone marriages, so the patriarchs added the keeping of dragons to their duties. The patriarchs feared our power, kirluk interjected. And they feared each other misusing our power. The knights, because they are not a family in the usual sense, were the only ones allowed to raise us. Maybe they weren't wrong to be afraid, hester said quietly, then flinched under her brother's sullen displeasure. You're both here, though, devon said, gently sidestepping their feud. So somewhere along the way, the Ravens cars must have ignored those orders and stopped sending children to the night. Correct, Killock said, still scowling at his sister. He clearly did not like being disagreed with. My predecessors chose to keep their special children, a decision that made our family successful and wealthy. Over the decades, our numbers have grown significantly. Which was the exact situation the patriarchs hadn't wanted, Devon thought. And the knights just allowed this? The bloody irony of it all? Not exactly. We had to pay them off to keep our secrets and our children. Killick made a vague gesture. Still, it was a broadly beneficial arrangement all around. Sometimes they even offloaded their failed dragons to our household, those whose temperaments were unsuitable for dragon training, that kind of thing. It was still oppression, hester said softly. We, the Mind Eaters of Ravenscar, hoped for a future where there would be no more nights at all, where our family could openly be a house for Mind Eaters. She sighed. But building that future required gaining access to the secret of making redemption, knowledge that the Ravenscar patriarchs passed down among themselves and never gave to us. Without that knowledge, we remained dispossessed. Obvious in hindsight, Devon realised with silent chagrin. Killick could never be patriarch himself, not as a Mind Eater. Weston was both a book eater and a patriarch, making him unsympathetic to our issues. And also set in his ways, killack said, a note of old resentment in his voice. He knew the cure, but he would not share it with me. Set my people free. I begged him, as Moses once begged the Pharaoh. And like Pharaoh, he only laughed. Such secrets are not for your kind, he said to my face. Beads of sweat formed on Killuk's upper lip. He wiped them away with his sleeve. In his eyes, we were spoiled and lucky. He felt that what we asked for was an indulgence of extreme proportions. Devon listened with growing alarm. She feared where this story was Headed like you, kilnock went on. We found ourselves in a position where there was but one single person standing in the way of freedom. Our patriarch. He leaned forward, breathing ragged. When he would not give me the secret of redemption, I took it from him for the sake of our people. Because it was God's will that we live freely. She should have guessed sooner. You ate your father's mind. What? Grey eyes, dilated pupils swallowing irises from within. No, heavens, no. I communed with him, Devon. For my flesh is food indeed, and my blood is drink indeed. He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me and I in him. Thus it is written in the Bible, described as a sacred act of communion. Communion, she said a little numbly. Is that what you call mind eating? Is that how you enshrine it? Hester wrapped her arms around herself, shoulders hunched. Killuk, though, pointed like an auctioneer at a sale. You are too literal, trapped in old ways of thinking. I thought as you did once, and considered my actions the height of abomination, both my feeding and the changes enacted in me. But I know better these days. He was wide eyed now, nostrils red and flaring. I have my father's spirit to thank for that. His soul lives on within me, teaching and guiding. We have forgiven each other and are at peace. Devon bit the inside of her cheek. Adam and Eve had nothing on Killer King Kai. Apples were for amateurs, sons eating fathers. That was a truly forbidden feast. Bits of the raven's car puzzle clicked into place, weaving together threads of commonality between these siblings and herself, the complexity of it unfolding into understanding of the families that had crushed them, the shared trauma that bound them, her to Kai, Hester to Killick, and the unspeakable crimes that had finally, at such bitter cost, set them all free. She picked her words carefully. I can't pretend to know what you experience. If you call it communion, I won't contradict. Only you can know what that felt like. Quite. Kiluk twitched violently, shoulders hitching in repetition. What of me and Kai? She asked when he said nothing further. How do you feel about us remaining? Another shudder. Then he shook his head, relaxed, and said, saints are we both, your son and I. And as one saint to another, I say he is welcome in this house, whether he takes redemption or takes communion. Though I hope in time he will embrace his nature as I have learned to. I see. Devon shifted in her seat. Take communion and embrace his nature. Like fuck. Not if she could help it. And if he ever leaves, what if he grows to adulthood and wants to choose another path entirely. Kilnock folded into a seat in the nearest library chair, fingers white with the tension of holding himself still. Redemption is what saves us from sin. God gives redemption to the faithful. No one else may have salvation. His grin came and went like a shark at sea. There is no going or leaving now that you know the location of our home. What if you went running back to the nights, eh? No. Your son will have to stay. And there it was, she thought, the hard line that lay beneath his flowery words and overcooked politeness. Killick kept everyone bound closely to him, his siblings, through a mix of love, loyalty, shared oppression, and the need of his drug, her and Kai through veiled threats. She'd never had a choice anyway, not really. Staying wasn't an option, but Kilik's attitude made it a little easier on her conscience. Devon held up her palms as if surrendering its no sacrifice at all to live among you. Far better than living with Matley. Good, good. I am glad to hear it, killock said. Do not think of Matley as being dead. By the way, your husband lives on in your son as my father lives on in me. Once you invite the Holy Spirit in. A bell began ringing from elsewhere in the house, startled all of them out of that moment. Is that an alarm? Devon swiveled in her seat, deeply relieved for the distraction. Not at all, killick said, almost shouting. Merely the signal for our Christmas service to begin. Christmas service? Like a church one. She had so far assumed that his religious terminology was an affectation, not something literal. Do you subscribe to human religions? There was nothing in human beliefs about book eaters, and she could not fathom adopting that system herself. Come and see. Come and see. His expression was inviting and polite, but as ever, his forceful tone underscored the words. This was a command, not a choice. Very kind. She glanced at Hester. The other woman was already standing, face hidden by a fall of curling hair. What about my son? We'll bring him along. It's a family affair. He offered another absurd little bow. Follow me, please. It would not do to be late for my own Christmas service. Chapter 23 Remember the Sabbath Present Day Father, forgive me for all my sins, for what I have done to you in the name of freedom and rightness. What I have done for love and brotherhood. I hear you arguing with me as I try to sleep at night, the voice of you remaining in my head long after your life slipped away. How you hated me, still hate me, want me to die for what I am. But you don't understand that this is what must be done. It is done. It is finished. Killock Ravenscar Private Journal the chapel had been beautiful once. Devon craned her neck up, inspecting the smoke stains on the ceiling. Remnants of polished wooden pews and embroidered prayer cushions were piled toward the back of the room. Cheek folding chairs occupied that space, plastic ones with rusted hinge joints. A cracked altar, likely once worth a small fortune, lingered on miserably at the front, its white marbled surface plastered with melted candlesticks. Next to the altar rested a large crate covered in a once white cloth to form a makeshift table. A Bible lay propped atop the covered crate, its pages stained and spattered with something unrecognisable. Devin had eaten enough thrillers and horror novels over the years to recognise a bad setup when she saw one. What happened? She whispered to Hester. Was there a fire when we first moved in? Yes. This building is ancient and has been in poor repair for 20 years, Hester said. Kiluk's been conducting work, but it's slow going and things are still fragile. We don't use candles anymore. Not worth the risk. Erm, sounds safe, I guess. Tell me about it. The whole building is practically dry kindling, hester said, then dropped her voice to a lower volume. Listen, we need to talk, if that's all right with you. Devon gave her a sharp look. Let me know where and when. After the service, hester whispered, then added more loudly, since you knew, I'd like to introduce you to some of my siblings. Devon spent the next 15 minutes shaking hands with a series of Ravens cars, all Hester's brothers of varying ages. There was one other woman, another fraternal twin like Hester, and so therefore also a mind eater. Smile, nod. Move to the next handshake. Between greetings, she spotted Manny lurking in a corner, nursing a plastic cup of tea. Hot steam fogged up his glasses. The former journalist was still a mystery to her, one she felt the need to solve. How he had gotten here and why he continued to live among the Ravens. Cars felt crucial in some elusive way, but she didn't want to make a show of going over to seek him out. Instead, Devon did a quick mental head count as she chatted her way around the room. About 15 souls. Discounting herself, Kai, Manny. The Ravenscar household had once held 40 odd members, so the rest must have died in the coop. The odds had surely been stacked against this lot for such an unfair fight. Kiloch walked in. He'd changed from his plain grey slacks and shirt into an old styled suit that was a few sizes too large. Devon would have put money on it, belonging to Weston Ravenscar. Without needing direction, the people of Traquair all found seats and fell into a quietude that bordered on reverential. Merry Christmas, my friends. God bless you on this sacred Sunday and all the Lord has gifted from the return of my sister safe and well through the valley of death. He jabbed a finger at Hester, who flinched. To the advent of a new son who has come among us. Dark eyes alighted possessively on Kai in a way that Devon disliked. Sinners all. We come seeking redemption and salvation, and God gives and God provides. God is here with us, my dear Sabbatarians. Privately, Devon suspected God wouldn't be caught either crucified or alive within a mile of this place. On this day when sons are born and fathers in heaven rejoice, I find, dear friends, that my own father wishes to speak to us today. I have not heard from him in many months. Killak grabbed the Bible off the makeshift table, flipping it open. Weston has this to then because of the dire straits to which you will be reduced when your enemy besieges you, you will eat your own children, the flesh of your sons and daughters whom the Lord has given you. He quotes, you see, From Deuteronomy, chapter 28, verse 53. Devon felt her toes curl. She recognised the start of an unhinged rambling when she heard one. And Killick did not disappoint. He perched on the burnt out altar, speaking alternatively in the voice of his dead father, long consumed in his own wavering, squeaky tones. No church would have ordained such a speech. The vicar in Kai's head was probably tearing out his metaphorical hair. Killock had become a broken composite of two different men, his former patriarch acting as a kind of parasitic presence. Again, Devon's gravest concern was that no one else seemed bothered. The other Traquair inhabitants listened to that religious word salad with serious, thoughtful attention. Well, two people were bothered. Hester sat rigid, hands folded in her lap and lips pressed together, and on the far side of her, Manny was also unimpressed. He listened with nose wrinkled in distaste and struggling to control his discomfort. She was missing crucial information. Devon could understand the siblings wanting autonomy from the other families. What confused her was that none of this church madness squared with the original plans and intentions Kilnick had described. But God provides, kilak said so loudly that Devon, who had tuned him out, snapped back to attention. From the old he makes new from the Ashes we rise on the Sabbath we were delivered, the Father and the Son becoming the Holy Spirit. The strange shaking was back, and this time he did nothing to calm or quieten his body. Remember the Sabbath, my Sabbatarians, and keep it holy. Ragged voices murmured en masse. Remember the Sabbath. Divinity is within us. He clapped his hands loudly enough that Devon twitched from the echoing smack. I will take the chalice of salvation and call upon the name of the Lord. He strode over to the makeshift table and peeled away the white cloth. The cloth had covered not a crate but a large size cage, the kind a mastiff might be kept in. Inside it crouched a terrified human figure, adult man, stripped down to his boxes, hands bound and mouth gagged. A bad feeling settled in Devon's belly. She forgot to breathe. Remember the Sabbath. Killick exclaimed again. And keep it holy. He leaned over the bound human, mouth wide and tongue unfurling. Devon stopped watching, choosing instead to inspect the lines of her palms and fingers, the unevenness of her thumbnails. She found it unbearable to watch Kaifeed, and that was a thing required for her son's survival. This. This was a wholly unnecessary consuming of an innocent by a man who could absolutely choose redemption as an alternative. Kai himself would have given anything to never feed again. And Killick, the grotesque fool that he was, had no concept of the privilege he squandered. Killick had also squandered the chance to do something different. Instead of a haven, he'd created a coven of predatory monsters squatting in an abandoned mansion. The families would see it as a definitive proof that Mind Eaters could not be left to their own devices, the thought rising up traitorously. What if they had a point? She risked a glance at Kai. His cheeks were flushed, his gaze fixed on the floor in front of them. And on the other side, Hester had her eyes closed, palms pressed together, either praying or trying not to be ill, both utterly removed from the theatre that played out in front of them. No, Devon decided, the ideology that made Killick dangerous came from the families. Killak's problem wasn't that he tried to do something different, but that he'd tried to do something too similar. The same system, the same manor house and patriarch and quivering obedience. And because the system was inherently cruel, it had only magnified the cruelty within Killock rather than suppressing it. Up on the stage, the victim's whimpering died away. The Mind Eaters cheered and clapped as Kilnick's display of so called communion finally ended, and Devon fought her rising queasiness A few chairs over, Manny had quietly removed his glasses, tucking them into his shirt pocket, a clever way to obscure his own vision. God bless you and keep you, brothers and sisters. Kilik stood over the open cage where the huddled figure of a human now slumped lifeless. Amen. Go in peace to love and serve each other. Though his diction seemed unaffected, his accent had changed. He sounded Scottish now, like the man he'd killed. A murmur of soft conversation rose again as people chatted among themselves, some animated and some reserved, a natural ebb and flow of conversation, as if nothing extraordinary had happened. Devin exchanged glances with Kai, who bore an adult's worried expression even as he squirmed with too much childish energy. Are you okay? She whispered. A part of her wished he'd not been present for what they'd just seen, even while the logical side of her brain pointed out that he'd seen victims many times by now, usually his own. I'm fine, he whispered Back then, said Dev, why was he the only one who feeds? And if he's going to not bother taking redemption, why do any of them take it? Not now, love. Privately, Devon suspected that logistical issues prevented Killick from feeding as much as he would like, let alone allowing his followers to feed freely. They'd empty the town in a year otherwise. Ask me later. Kai chewed his bottom lip and nodded in assent. Hester caught her arm. Well, what a lovely service. Dev, I've just remembered that I promised to take you shooting. I don't suppose you'd have time right now. What about me? Kai said before Devon could ask. I'll look after the lad, manny offered, surprising all of them. I can show him around the house and perhaps we can locate a suitable room for the pair of you to stay in. Sure, kai said without missing a beat. For a boy who'd spent most of his waking hours away from other people or locked in small, damp flats, he'd adapted well to having company. I bear no grudges for our previous encounter. You may trust me, manny said, seeing Devon's hesitation. In any case, Ms. Fairweather, I suspect I have more to fear from your son than he has to fear from me. A sad, polite smile. When you are done speaking to Hester, we could have a catch up of our own. Yes. Two family survivors with a set of interesting tales. Despite her curiosity about Manny, instinct also told her that a talk with Hester couldn't wait. And of all the people in this house, she felt Kai was perhaps safest in the company of an elderly human, someone he could overpower at any rate very well. I'm sure we won't be long, devon said finally. Best not to dither in case it looks conspiritual. Here, take this for me. If that's all right. I'd rather not carry it around. She handed Kai her rucksack, which she'd not had a chance to put down anywhere. Her son took it grudgingly, slinging the too long strap over his back. They all stood up to go. As they left, Devon cast a last glance over her shoulder at Kilnick's lean figure. He was gazing down at the corpse of his victim with an expression that hovered between tender and reverential. Hester led them out of the chapel and across to a storage room in the main building, stopping to collect a rifle and ammunition from a cupboard, then ventured through a north side exit to the back of the house. The voices of other congregation members faded swiftly as they left the chapel behind, and still Hester didn't speak. On this side of Traquair's estate, the manicured lawns gave way to a sparse wood filled with extraordinarily ancient trees. Someone had set up a shooting range in a small clearing, and that was where Hester came to rest, rifle in hand, peering at a long row of milk bottles perched atop wooden posts. The sun was sinking, but that didn't matter to either of them. We can talk here. It's quiet and far from the house. Hester sighed. I'm sorry I've lied to you from the first meeting and for all of our journey. Killuk is so afraid the families will find out we are all mind eaters. Forget it. I've lied for less reason, devon said uncomfortably. She was in no position to point fingers over lying. Can we start from the beginning? I feel like my whole perspective on you and your family has completely changed. I hardly know where to begin. How about with that display in there? Devon said. Is he catching people to eat? What the hell was that? That was a broken promise. Hester set down the gun and stood face to face with her in that ancient war steeped woodland winter, sunlight piercing through the oak leaves like arrows, and then she opened her mouth, wide as it would go. A faint scar around the free edge was all that remained to indicate where the mass of flesh had once been long and tubular. What remained of the proboscis was skilfully severed, the fleshy muscle trimmed to a rounded point. If Devon hadn't been looking for a scar, hadn't had time to stare and examine, she would never have noticed. The sight was oddly disquieting. Kai could always feed if he were at risk of starvation, but that wasn't an option for a Mind Eater who was maimed. No wonder Hester had been unsure about staying over at Rndyke Farm, particularly when she'd lost her supply of redemption. So you are one of them, devon said with a calmness that felt disconnected from her own overwhelmed brain. Did Killock promise to do the same? He and I made a pact. Hester covered her mouth with a hand. If we could get free of Weston, we'd set up a haven. The idea was that any Mind Eater would be welcome, providing they agreed to live off redemption and have their tongues docked. Meaning none of you could give in to temptation and feed, devon said, working it out aloud. And in turn, the other eaters could no longer claim your family were dangerous. Have I got that right? That was my hope and my plan, though I'm no longer sure my siblings ever shared it quite so passionately. She tucked a lock of Wind tossed hair behind one ear. It blew free again straight away. After Weston was dead. I kept my end of the promise. Had it done by someone here. One of my brothers has some medical knowledge, but Kilnak and the others didn't stick to it. A few followed my lead, but Kilnick know, she said. At first he claimed there was too much going on. It's not safe. The labs aren't up and running. Wait till spring. Eventually he started saying it didn't feel right anymore. At some point, I'm not sure when, he began venturing out and catching people in secret, giving in to hunger, seeking the rush of it. A shudder these days. Mention tongue docking and he'll flip his lid. That's a big change to go from give up feeding forever to feeding his divine Communion, devin said slowly, leaning against the fence. What turned him? Consuming our patriarch altered his personality, the one variable we didn't foresee. Hester picked up the gun again and began loading it. Kilik has a strange way of talking about things, but he's not wrong in calling it communion. Consuming someone is. Is so deeply intimate. You know them, you come to love them, and they become part of you forever. It feels like merging souls. Their hopes and fears are yours, never coming to fruition, but also never fully dying within you. It is the ultimate drug, Dev, and it's not for nothing that folks call it a craving. Mind eating goes far beyond hunger. She snorted. Why do you think I smoke? Helps with the maddening hunger and gives me something else to be addicted to. Devon watched the cartridges disappear into the stock. This communion thing. Are you talking from experience or is that what your brother has described? Experience, hester said curtly and cocked the rifle. After Weston refused to either let us leave or give us the secret to redemption, violence was the only path left. We were outnumbered and lacking weapons, so we used our tongues. All of us ate at least one victim that night. Hester raised her gun and fired several times. Glasses shattered as the bullets found their mark. In the distance, birds screamed. Silence returned to the woods. In the wake of that violent disruption, I told myself it worked out, that we were finally free and that it would be worth the cost. I was naive and wrong. Hester tried a smile. Let it collapse anyway. Now you know what I am, what my brother is, what we did to get here. All the ways I've lied to you lately. She extended the rifle stock first. Want to take a shot? It's a good skill to learn. I mean, if you like, devon said, thrown by the change of subject. But please, humour me. Devon grudgingly took the rifle, trying to fit it against her ungainly body. Let me help up close. The familiar scent of Hester's vanilla tobacco was unmissable. Yes, like that, almost. Lift this elbow. Bit higher. You want a 90 degree angle stock on your shoulder. That's it. Barrel steady. How does that feel? Lucky, devon said, thinking of Clint Eastwood, and sighted down the barrel. It feels lucky. She fired. The noise rammed her eardrums. Incredible, hester said, squinting at the distance. You've missed by an absolute mile. No shit. Devon lifted the rifle again. You have to reload. By the way, that was the last cartridge. I knew that. The echo of Hester's laugh carried across the green, real laughter shaking her petite frame. And then it trailed off, that cheerfulness crumpling like a page tossed on the fire. My brother is gone, Devon. Eating our patriarch was the unmaking of him unlocking a terrible craving he tried to ignore. Since childhood I've watched him ebb away a little more every day for the past two years as his violence escalates. When you spoke to him in the study, when you heard him preach. That wasn't Killock. It was some monstrous, amorphous collection of his victims, overlaid with Weston's personality. The fresh cartridges weighed heavy in Devon's palm. If I believe that about your brother, then I have to believe my son is gone. Not necessarily, hester said after a moment's consideration. Kai is strongly himself. From the little I've seen. He must fight it. How? I don't know. Only he does. Was he close to Matley? No, devon said. They barely saw each other. Maybe that makes a difference. Weston was an unusually powerful personality and had a close, if twisted relationship with Killick. That must complicate things, surely. What about you? Devon said, carefully slotting the magazine back in. Did you fight that influence? Did you change? Yes and no. I mean, where did you think I learned to shoot? She shrugged. Girls don't get taught how to use guns. Not even Mind Eater ones? Especially not Mind Eater ones. That skill is only for men like the man I ate. He's a part of me now, as are other things about him. Devon digested that information. I hadn't wondered about the shoot until you mentioned it. Nor the smoking. I guess I assumed you got it all from a book. Nah. Eating a book on guns would give you technical knowledge of shooting, but it wouldn't give you muscle memory or instincts built on experience. Eating a person, though, is a whole new level of absorption. I see. Devon thought about that as she lifted the gun to her shoulder and fired rather badly at the targets. Her shots missed and she didn't care was thinking about Kai, doggedly playing the same video game through his feeds. The way he seemed to subsume himself after each victim and come back to her hours later as if from a long journey. Had she risked losing him to another Persona each and every time? The way Hester claimed Kilik had been lost, the way Devon had always feared to lose him? A heart stopping thought. When the gun was empty again, she lowered it and said, there's no reason to stay. You don't owe this man your life. Why not just grab some redemption and leg it? Why didn't you leave Kai? Hester said. If not for him, you could be halfway around the planet by now. What price do you put on love, Devon Fairweather? She knew that answer by heart. No price. There isn't one. Love doesn't have a cost. It's just a choice you make. Then you've answered your own question. I promised Locke I'd stay with him when we fled, that we would always be together. How can I renege? He destroyed himself trying to free me and my siblings. Hester took the rifle back, cleaning it out with expert speed. I wish you could have met Locke when he was younger. He was lovely. Sweet natured, earnest. Never hurt a soul in his life till that night. I'm sorry. She was too. Everybody's sorry. Hester slammed the magazine into place and fired again, one shot after another until the gun was empty and every glass bottle broken. Devon clapped both hands over her ears and waited till the thundercracks died down, ears ringing in the aftermath of each tinkling explosion. Hester set down the rifle, lips quivering at the corners. Sometimes I catch myself wishing he'd died, it's that awful. But I wish it all the same, because then I could be free of him without guilt or fear. Christ, listen to me. Her face fell. You must think I'm a monster. There you are doing everything possible to save your son, while the best I can manage is to pray my brother has a fucking heart attack in his sleep. The familiarity of that sentiment wasn't lost on Devon. She couldn't not feel a twinge, a lurch at the echo of words she'd so often said to herself. I don't think that at all, devon said. I meant it. I don't think less of anyone who just wants the misery to end. You're not a monster. That's kind of, hester said, bitter. But you don't know me. Maybe not. Devon thought again of the vicar and all the long line of Kai's victims who came before him, and it seems she spoke to absolve herself as much as Hester. But I do know we can only live by the light we're given, and some of us are given no light at all. What else can we do except learn to see in the dark? Learn to see in the dark, hester echoed, then added quietly, I don't deserve that lie. It's the truth, devon said with more conviction than she felt. Thank you. Hester leaned forward and hugged her, the unexpectedness almost shocking Devon out of her skin, and she shocked herself more by hugging back, though she had to lean down to do so, trying to remember when she last embraced another adult, Jarrow, before he'd left for London. Another woman, though never, not since the aunts had said goodbye at her first wedding. It was a small comfort against the wide world. She felt sorry for Hester, for herself, for entire generations of their ridiculous and twisted families, for the lives they ruined and the misery they chose to inflict on each other and on themselves. A grotesque mess, and one she was probably about to make worse. Devon said, breaking the fragile stillness between them, hess, I wasn't being honest. In Killock's study I kept things back. A steadying breath. There's something I need to tell you, too. Hester pulled back, wiping at her eyes. What is it? The rest of the story, devon said.
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That's all for now. Thank you for listening. Make sure to follow stories from among the stars on your preferred podcast app to get the next episode. Or if you just can't wait, you can buy the Book Eaters wherever books or audiobooks are sold.