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Welcome to Stories from Among the Stars. You're listening to the book Eaters by Sun Yi Dean. Narrated by Katie Ehrich.
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Chapter 28 NYK Terrace follows the Firefly 12 months ago, NYK Terrace followed the Firefly, which, like herself, was seeking the way out. George MacDonald the history of Photogen and Nycteris seeking out the Ravens cars proved to be a brutal education. Tracking down one of their former drug suppliers was straightforward enough. With the address Ramsay had given her, she walked to their basement flat in the city, stinking of fumes and stagnant water. Four men were inside, faces matching the description she'd been given. She had never before spoken to humans who had dealt in drugs or other illicit trade and assumed, wrongly, that they'd be willing to talk or trade. Instead, they saw her as an opportunity, a woman alone, naive and uncertain, the perfect trafficking victim. When they finished laughing at her requests, they tried to capture her. Her first punch broke a man's neck. Her first kick crushed another man's ribs. The other two went down moments later, under her frenzied, terrified onslaught. She fled the premises, flustered by her accidental kills and also furious that they had even dared. Later, limping back through gum scabbed streets lined with faded brick buildings, it occurred to her that she should have approached with more tact. Strange, grim faced women turning up at illicit warehouses and demanding addresses of secret clients wasn't anyone's idea of diplomacy. She lacked experience in that regard. At least there was a whole list of other names and places to try. But the first encounter had alarmed Devon badly. She dreaded trying again. Her phone still did not ring. Jarrow's silence. Another weight on her mind. She should have gone straight to the next town. And yet somehow days slid into another week. Meanwhile, she bought a Polish phrase book to eat so she could talk to Kai, and bought glossy mags and TV guides and books on cultural politics so that she could talk to humans. Sometimes she ate them with ketchup, as Jaro had taught to take the edge off that plastic taste. In those days Kai was perpetually weak from near constant starvation. Nor had she yet fallen into the routine of stalking the next victim. They spent many quiet hours walking in parks or woodlands, expanding the scope of their little world. Still lonely, but at least they weren't bored. Tesk niesa domen alle tome se. Yes, wadner, he said once, and she nodded in relief to hear his approval. This city was nice in its way. She thought about taking him to playgrounds, decided it was too risky. His tongue might show he couldn't hide it well and lisp strongly when he spoke. To avoid problems. They often went out in the evening or early morning, when fewer humans were around and the humans themselves were a challenge to her preconceptions. Women in the wider world dressed differently than her aunt's or herself. Her long linen skirts drew abundant stares in public. Someone asked her once if she were part of a historical reenactment. Devon said yes and made a fast exit because it seemed the safest answer. Sometimes she would watch humans while out and about, this heaving mass of folk so like and unlike her, watched women wear jeans and hold hands in public, watched men get married to other men openly, not meeting discreetly like family brothers did. The openness of their affection captured her curiosity. She bought sunglasses and wore them often so that she could scrutinise strangers without anyone noticing. She went to a charity shop and brought the strangest, most daring books she could find, things she'd never have been allowed to consume while growing up, then spent a week eating them. Gender, sexuality, beliefs and relationships branched out into endless layers of complexity, stunning her in their variety compared to the narrow sliver she'd experienced growing up in books, in life, in the world around. Soon after, she went back to the charity shop and bought new clothes. Jeans, dark slogan T shirts, lace up boots made from dead cow. No idea yet what she liked, but she was going to find out. The linen skirts and long dresses she threw away. No one should have to wear them. The same day she bought scissors and standing in front of the bathroom mirror, cut her braids off. The reflection staring back at her was no princess, but it was her that gave her savage satisfaction, as if she'd shared a false skin. Another week of that musing, meandering life and her phone rang. Devon's heart jumped, but it was only Ramsay, filled with chagrin, she pressed to answer. You fucking idiot. Somehow he managed to snarl across electronic distance. What are you doing? This isn't a goddamn bloody holiday. I human women do not wander around a City at 2am with their small children. You look conspicuous. You look odd. No raven's car would come within a mile of you and have had reports from a book eater who sighted you in the city. Do you know how difficult that's made my life? How should I know what to do? I'm not one of them. She bit back, finally getting a word in. I'm learning, all right? Well learn faster. No more night walks and clear out of reading asap, he snapped. You're supposed to be a fugitive. Start acting like it. He hung up. Devon put her mobile down and looked at Kai, who was watching a black and white silent film on the television. He hadn't noticed her call, and anyway, he still didn't know English. We need to leave, she said, speaking to him in dictionary stilted Polish. For a new city. There were plenty of places on her list. Later that evening Devon caught a bus in the pouring rain with a damp and grumpy Kai at her side. They sat near the front because, for reasons she couldn't fathom, other humans seemed to prefer sitting in the back. Devon liked the wider view. Redding slid away, its red brick buildings and throngs of university students left behind in the growing gloom. Devon watched it through grotty windows with the mobile phone nestled in her lap. Gaud ne, kai said, palm pressed to belly. Gawadne, Devon. She winced. I know, love. I'll get you something to eat very soon. She'd been dreading his hunger, unsure how to go about capturing someone for him. The idea gave her pangs of anxiety. Ramsay had suggested children. The idea made her sick. She resolved not to do that unless truly, truly desperate. How, then did one choose? Perhaps she could feed Kai. The so called undesirable humans, the killers, thieves, and rapists, pretend she was a kind of vigilante people, cleaner, like the brooding heroes in Jarrow's graphic novels. But eating each person had been hugely affecting for Kai, and Ramsey's offhand indication that this is normal had frightened her badly. She feared giving her son someone twisted or unkind to consume and the mental corruption that would cause him. For Kai's sanity and mental well being, she'd have to choose good people. That in itself was a dilemma. Who was good? Or even just good enough? What did goodness mean? How did she assess it? And what did that say about her choosing the kindest and sweetest strangers she could find, all for her son's sake? If he became a good person for eating good people, would he not struggle with the morality of it all? It would be the first of many such choices. She hated how hard it was. She dreaded that it would get easier. Maybe normal strangers would do. Ordinary people with ordinary lives. She tried to conjure up an idea of what an ordinary human was like and could only think of peasants in fairy tales or the servant staff in old English classics, and, more unnervingly, of the four drug dealers she'd killed. The narrowness of her experience appalled her, this skewed intersection of sheltered privilege and lifelong abuse. Even after all the books she'd read and the new experiences she held. Family biases limited her parameters. Like Night Terrace, she thought, and cringed. There was an old fairy tale called the History of Photogen and Night Terrace that she still carried a copy of. The main character in it was a young woman who had been raised by a cruel witch inside a cave beneath a castle. The girl had grown up knowing only darkness, which at the time hadn't seemed much of an issue to child Devon. But the general idea was that Nykteriss's world was narrow. She thought the lamp in her cave was a sun and that the universe was just a tiny series of rooms. She knew nothing of society and had very few books. A relatable situation for a book eater woman. One day, Night Terrace escaped her cave by following a stray firefly. She ended up in the castle garden. But her reactions in the story were strange and unexpected. Upon espying the moon for the first time, Nyk Terrace decided that it must be a giant lamp akin to the one in her cave. She saw the sky and likewise decided it must be another kind of roof. And when she looked at the horizon, she saw not a limitless world, but merely another room, albeit with distant walls. The concept of outside didn't exist for one such as Nyk Terriss, nor could it ever. Her upbringing had given her such a fixed perspective that even when encountering something new, she could only process it along the lines already drawn for her. The story's complexity had baffled Devon as a child, but she understood it well enough now. The truth was, Night Terrace never really escaped. Oh, she got a prince in a castle and the cruel witch died at the end. But Night Terrace could not ever leave the cave because the cave was a place in her mind. It was the entire way she thought about reality. Princesses like that couldn't be rescued. Devon's last thought before falling asleep on the bus was to wonder if actually she had it the wrong way round. Maybe everyone was living in a cave and Nyk Terrace was the only person smart enough to recognise it. The bus arrived in Eastleigh, another town whose name Devon found confusing to pronounce. Her geographical knowledge was scatty, even with the maps. She'd eaten gwodney, Kai pleaded as they exited the station in near torrential rain. I'll get your food very soon. Devon hugged him close, then yanked back in alarm when he nuzzled at her ear. She should have found him someone sooner, much sooner. Only it filled her with horror, the idea of hunting a victim. She wasn't ready. She would never be ready. But Kai was starving. She was running out of time. They found another hotel. Good God, why did everything cost so much? There had to be a cheaper solution. And left him alone again with just the Gameboy and the television. Time to feed her son. Somehow she had to do it. Manage it. Through pure happenstance, Devon sourced her first victim before she'd hardly gone a block. An inebriated old man started swaying after her down the street, asking if she had a spare fiver for a drink and hey, hey, where you going, girl, on those big tall legs of yours? Devon stopped, turning back to look at him. Are you a good person? And then, because that didn't seem specific enough, she added, are ye kind? Huh? He squinted, eyes red from too much whisky. Will ye gimme a fiver if I say yes? Tall girl, over 60 years old, she reckoned. If he was a day long enough to have lived a full life, sure. I'll take you back to my room and give you a fiver if you say yes. She regretted the offer almost instantly. He was sure to misinterpret what she meant and say whatever he thought she wished to hear. But he surprised her by pausing and giving the question serious consideration. The rain came back in a depressed drizzle and still he stood, musing a little sad, very drunk. I wanted to be good, he said eventually. When I were younger, my mam would have liked me to be a good bloke. But being good is hard. Bloody hard. Life keeps grabbing you by the collar, kicking you about. True that. Devon felt an unexpected heat behind her eyes. Come on, I'll bring you out of the rain. I'm not offering you my bed, but I'll get you a drink and some cash, eh? So simply and easily was a life given away. If shame were an open wound. His handshake was a dose of salt and lemons. Devon brought him upstairs to a starving Kai, then locked herself in the bathroom and cried into her fluffy hotel towels while her son fed to satiation. Outside, she kept fingers in her ears and the phone resting on her knees, always present in case Jarrow called. He didn't call. The mobile lay silent, inert and indifferent to her prayers like one of the humans innumerable distant gods. At last, all quiet in the room beyond, Devon got up and exited her refuge. A messy scene greeted her of sheets and blankets tumbled to the ground, a chair knocked over. Kai lay fast asleep on an unmade bed next to the old man's cooling body, peace in the midst of the chaos. These were the early days before Devon had learned to be careful, or what the phrase was ongoing police investigation might mean in relation to victims left behind. She simply carried the corpse to the bathroom and left him propped up against the toilet. He hadn't survived the feeding. A problem for tomorrow. Grief rendered her exhausted and she needed sleep. Later that night, crammed into the single bed, Kai talked to her while dozing on her arm. I never hurt anybody, he muttered. Only a little. Only when she were getting on me nerves. Them fucking coppers always taking the woman's side. God, I loved her, but I were no good to her. I could ha been a good man if only I'd not loved. He twisted around. My missis cried like you do. But I didn't do out to you. Only her. Why are you crying, tall girl? It's too hard to be good, she said through clenched teeth. Life keeps grabbing me by the collar, kicking me about. Ain't that the way of it? Said her son, and for a horrible inside out minute she felt as if it were Kai who died, his body inhabited by the spirit of the old man he'd absorbed. But then he said with a crisper accent, good night, Devon. I'm so glad I know English again. Night, love, she managed, choking out the words from some withered memory of maternal comfort. Sleep well. Long after Kai, or whoever he was now drifted to sleep, the weight of everything settled across her like a second skin, tightening until she could hardly breathe or move. It occurred to her that she could just leave, get up, walk away. A few days from now, Ramsey would detonate that bomb and Kai would be no more. Meanwhile, she herself would be fleeing somewhere fast, solo off on adventures and cut loose at last. The compass slid cold against her chest. Clarity doused her nerves like a bucket of water to the face. Leaving him was not an option. Courage, she told herself. Breathe in, breathe out. Endure. She squeezed the compass tight. The important thing was to focus on her goal. To not let Ramsay and Uncle Ike and Matley and all the rest win. To not fail Kai as she'd already failed Salem. Focus. Find Jarrow. Lay out her plan. Get him onside. Find the sodden ravens cause steal drugs for Kai. And after that. In the still darkness of her hotel room, the phone began to ring, rattling the bedside table with its vibrations. She scrambled for the mobile, flipping open the clamshell lid an unknown number using an unfamiliar area code. Her heart pounded a frantic rhythm. Hello, it's me. Ragged, tired, reedy, and unmistakably Jarrow Easterbrook. I got your package, but I can't talk long on here. How far are you from Brighton? Act 5 High Noon Chapter 29 Grendel and his Mother Present Day maybe every monster is a miracle meant to change the world. Maria Davanna Headley, the Mere Wife the room Kai had chosen was a big, over decorated space reminiscent of the quarters Devon had occupied as a girl in Fairweather Manor. Teak shelves and faded paintings of frog eyed humans jostled for space overlooking a four poster bed and scattered furniture. The fireplace was cold and once lush wallpaper peeled and flaked patches of it subtly mottled by rising damp. Kai sat on the bed, legs crossed and back to her, bent over something. Devon assumed it was the Game Boy until she spotted the little console resting next to him atop the duvet. Hey. She crossed the oak panelled floors on still bare feet, filthy from miles of travel, and perched on the duvet next to her son. What's up? Kai twisted around and glowered with such hostility that she stopped abruptly. Someone's been texting you, he said and held out her phone, the one she'd left behind for her conversation with Kiln Hester. New message, the icon declared. Three of them in fact, and all from Ramsey. That's mine, devon said stupidly and reached to take the mobile off him, but Kai withdrew from her, holding the phone close. I heard your phone beeping so I checked it. Who were you texting? I thought you only used this to find the Ravens car's suppliers. Her voice had disappeared along with her courage, and she wished the ground could swallow her whole. This wasn't how she'd wanted her confession moment to go. All the danger Devon had faced in her life, and yet somehow this was the most afraid she'd ever been. Why are you hiding things from me? He was beginning to redden, a slow flush creeping up his neck. I thought you were the one person I could trust who's supposed to be on my side. Who is texting you? It's a long and complex explanation, she said, sounding weak even to herself. Then explain it. He glared at her from under a mop of dark curls. You're lying to everyone about something and I'm tired of it. Who is texting you? One of my brothers, she snapped, then clapped both hands over her mouth because she hadn't meant to shout at him. The strain of a long, conflict laden day, Kai's hostility melted into shock. You have brothers, of course, she said wearily. Everyone in a manor is related to each other, so all the Fair Weather men are my brothers or uncles or father. But you never Talk about them. No, I don't. Devon exhaled through her nose. She'd never talked about childhood adventures with Ramsay or the heather grown moors full of rabbits and foxes, about breaking into forbidden library wings or scrambling on parapets. To Kai, the families were simply a shadowy fear in perpetual pursuit of him. You're right. I've been hiding things from you. No shit. Hey, watch your mouth. Watch my mouth? You're the bloody liar. Devon jammed both hands behind her back to keep from slapping him. I'm your protector, your mother. I do what I need to do. Are you gonna hear me out or not? Hear what? He shouted, tearful with brimming emotions. Still a child at heart. I thought we left the families behind and you're talking to them in secret. I have no choice. She caught him by the shoulders, gripping hard. You're carrying a surgically implanted explosive in the peritoneal cavity of your abdomen, which the Knights deliberately put there. Do you understand the words I'm saying? Kai hiccuped and choked at the same time, too startled to protest or twist away from her touch as he usually did. I don't know whether to be relieved or exasperated that you never asked about the scar on your belly or the missing eight months of your life, she said. Do you remember anything at all between eating Matley and arriving at Oxford train station? Flashes, he said in a small voice. Just bits. You asked me for the truth, she said. Here's some truth. We didn't escape after killing Matley. The Knights caught us and took us to their base just outside of Oxford. In exchange for not killing us, they charged me with hunting down the Ravens cast who had disappeared and finding their redemption drug, which the Knights want. And to make sure I stayed loyal, they fitted you with an implanted explosive. Kai's mouth hung open. He looked stricken. I have to report in every two weeks or you die. Devon let go of him to rake both hands through her hair. I do everything they ask or you die. I found the Ravens cars like they wanted and the drugs like they wanted. But once they arrive, you'll still die at the press of a button. Unless I take some rather drastic action. Why didn't you tell me this? He lifted the hem of his shirt with one hand, seeking the scarlet, hovering a palm above it with newfound anxiety, as if touch alone might set the damn thing off. Because you have spent the last two years struggling not to starve to death. You didn't need any extra worry of some uncontrollable death threat hanging over your head. She gestured helplessly. I would have told you when the time is right. When would that be? He dropped his shirt, anger reasserting itself. Right when we're trying to leave. After we put a foot wrong and I blow up maybe. You always do this, Devon. Make decisions for me and drag me around. Why don't you trust me? Give me a say. She flinched. You were so small when we left home, barely out of babyhood, and now you're 25 different adults, he said. The answer ready? Fire. I'm not like other kids. I should get a say in what we're doing. Especially if it affects me. You had over a year to tell me. I deserve to know sooner. Not the day of whatever you're doing. She groaned, holding up both hands. I. I know. Truly. I'm sorry I didn't explain sooner. There just never seemed to be a right moment. And this is the right moment. Well, seems like a late moment to me. Right? Look, Im sorry, all right? Don't say that. He huffed at her lower lips sticking out. Sorries are just something you say to avoid doing anything different or better. Jesus fuck, she said, stung. I don't want your stupid grown up apologies, he said. I hate hearing you say you're sorry. She was still reeling from his first broadside. What do you want then? What can I say or do that will make a difference? Give me the truth from now on. Always and every time. He scowled, small and fierce. Promise me you won't lie again. At least not to me. Little or small, I want all the truth. Always. She opened her mouth to tell him, I can't promise that. Because how could she? Who knew what the future would require of her, what sacrifices or private decisions she'd have to make? The sight of his pale, anxious face killed those excuses dead. In a life of endless chaos and uncertainty, she had become Kai's only constant. Her decisions had already damaged and taxed the trust between them. If she didn't draw a line right now, their relationship might break down completely. Devon could not keep him safe if he didn't trust her. I promise, she said, sticking out a hand and trying not to sound reluctant. Shake on it, eh? No more lies between us. Even if the truth is painful, and it will be at times. She yelped at his pincer grip, adding, I can't promise that to other people though. Only for me and you. Other people aren't family, he said, withdrawing his hand as if she were acidic to the touch. We're family. Real family. So we can't lie to each other. Devon didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She settled for snorting and scrubbing her eyes to dry them. Truth, then, he said. Stubborn as hell. Stubborn as her. Why is your brother texting you? My brother is a knight, she said. His name is Ramsay Fairweather. And he implanted you with that. She pointed at his scar and launched into the same explanation she'd given Hester. Family patriarchs who sought to phase out dragons and rebellious knights who were alarmed by the ebbing of their power. Ravenscar twins who triggered the whole fallout by upending their manor, and herself caught in the middle, teetering between factions, all while sweating from anxiety that someone would walk in on them, or that Kai would decide he'd heard enough and storm off. But he didn't storm off. Her son sat perfectly still, forehead furrowed and eyes dancing back and forth sightlessly, the enormous intellectual power of 25 adults at his disposal. Neither family nor knights will let you live, even if you do whatever it is they're asking, he said when she had trailed into silence. Agreeing to work for the knights has only bought a little more time at best. Exactly. Devon brushed a stray hair out of his eyes, oddly pleased to be having a chat with someone who understood. What a relief to not just be wrestling with everything on her own in silence. Here's the thing. All you and I need is a cure for mind eating and a solution for that explosive. The rest is peripheral to us existing only as an obstacle. If we get those two things, we can just walk away and never look back. He rested his chin on a fist. The cure is here. If we can get it, we can. I think I've been talking to Manny, the human man who does a lot of grunt work for Killick. He's going to help us out in exchange for coming with us. Oh, yes, that man, kai said. Ok, what's the solution for this thing inside me? He was holding his abdomen again, fingers splayed against his shirt. A friend has been working on that. Since when do you have friends? She swatted at him. A man called Gero who was helping me escape. The Gameboy you own belonged to him. He gave it to me, and I to you. I see, he said, and she wondered if he really did. Where is he? Travelling up from London. I'm scheduled to meet him tomorrow morning in person before we escape. Will everyone here die after we escape? Kai actually squeezed her hand. You'll tell me the truth, right? If you think lots of people will die, you won't lie. No more lies between us. I promised. She squeezed back. I don't know if everyone will die. If my plan works out, we'll have enough time to leave and then give the ravens cars some warning so they can clear off if they wish. If they believed her warning and could get organised in time. What about Hester? I've told her the truth before coming to see you, she said, embarrassed all over again that her son was the last person to find out. She's thinking about it. I'm not sure she's convinced, though. Kai pulled at his bottom lip. All our options are dangerous and hurtful. I'm afraid so. She caught herself on the edge of apologizing. No matter what choice we take, someone will always suffer in some way, he said, a little sadly. I gave a sermon on that once. She couldn't let that slide. Not you. The vicar did. Is there a difference if you eat something and then go for a hike? Do you say my food hiked up a mountain today, or is it just part of you you've lost me, love? Never mind. He sighed. Is there really no other way, Devon? If there is, she said, then I've not thought of one even after all these months. And now we're out of time, he said, looking at the clock, then at the sky visible through their bedroom window. No more lies. But it's too late for me to make choices. The only way is your way now. He paused. Do I even want to go with you when you leave? The question hurt. She tried not to let it show, tried to focus on the right words to say. No, Kai, you do not have to come with me. I'm going to help you escape from here with enough redemption to live on. But you're not a child the way other children are. If you wish to be free of me as well, then I won't stop you going once I've got you out. She would never keep him bound the way the family had kept her. Devon had strong feelings on that one. He looked at her sidelong. Wouldn't you hate me if I left you? No. Never. No matter what you did. Really? Even if I betrayed you? He was studying her intently now. Scalpel sharp. Even if I ran away and told Kilnick everything and then I lived here with him and we ate people together like brothers for the rest of our lives. I'd think you were making a mistake, but yes, even then. He mulled that over, still fiddling with her phone, and she felt like a prisoner awaiting their sentence, resigned, almost at peace into the breathy silence between them. Kai held out the phone to her and said, I want to stay with you even though you lied about so many things. She couldn't not ask why. Because you're a monster. Like that man said the night I ate. Matley. He scooted over and gave her a hug, thin arms circling her waist. A surprise. A mean, tall, angry monster who looks out for me. Oh, is that a compliment, then? Devon said a little faintly, and indulged herself by hugging him back. I know what Matley thought of me. Everyone is scared of me, even the other Mind Eaters here. You're not scared of me because you're an even bigger, meaner monster than me, kai said, face muffled against the join of her shoulder. You'd eat the whole world to help me out, and I think I'd do that for you, too. You're my monster and I'm yours. And even though I'm sad, you lied to me. And I'm sorry that we have to hurt more people. We must go together because we are a monster family. Only pride kept her tears at bay. I'm glad, she said, trying and failing to not sound choked. Understatement of the year. But I'm glad. I do have one condition, said Kai, twisting his face up toward hers. I want to come meet your friend when you see him tomorrow. You know, Mr. Game Boy Guy. Can you tell me more about him?
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That's all for now. Thank you for listening. Make sure to follow Stories from Among the Stars on your preferred podcast app to get the next episode. Or if you just can't wait, you can buy the Book Eaters wherever books or audiobooks are sold.