018. Joe DeRosa, Tim Butterly, & Brian Six | Dirtballs

Summary

Podcast Summary: Story Warz Episode 018 – Joe DeRosa, Tim Butterly, & Brian Six | Dirtballs

Introduction

In Episode 018 of Story Warz: A Game of Deceptive Storytelling, hosted by GaS Digital Network, comedians Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez welcome their guests—Joe DeRosa, Tim Butterly, and Brian Six—for an evening filled with humor, storytelling, and playful deception. Filmed live at The Stand Comedy Club in New York City, this episode centers around the theme of "Dirtball Stories," where participants share their most outrageous and humorous personal anecdotes.

Participants

• Big Jay Oakerson: Co-host and seasoned comedian known for his sharp wit.
• Luis J. Gomez: Co-host and comedian, bringing his unique comedic flair.
• Joe DeRosa: A comedian currently writing for "The Show Tires," known for his relatable humor.
• Tim Butterly: Popular podcaster from "Dad Meat and Tim Butterly Show," bringing insightful and comedic perspectives.
• Brian Six: Philadelphia favorite, recognized for his quick humor and engaging storytelling.

Game Overview

The episode's primary activity is the "Story Wars" game. Each panelist submits a personal story revolving around the week's topic—Dirtball Stories. The rules are straightforward:

1. A story is anonymously read by the producer, Alex.
2. If the story is your own, your goal is to convince the panel that it isn't yours.
3. If the story isn't yours, attempt to identify whose story it is.
4. Points are awarded for deceiving others or correctly guessing the story's author:
   • 1 point for each person you successfully deceive.
   • 2 points for each correct guess.

The competitive atmosphere is light-hearted, with plenty of banter and humorous exchanges among the participants.

Round-by-Round Breakdown

1. Story Number One [07:13]

   Story Summary: A personal anecdote involving passing out while intoxicated during a private moment at home, leading to an unexpected family interruption.

   Key Discussions:

   • Joe DeRosa suspects the story might belong to a panelist, possibly Luis Gomez, highlighting their familiarity.
   • Brian Six discusses the plausibility of the story linking to someone who wouldn't typically be caught in such a situation.
   • Big Jay Oakerson shares a similar past experience, subtly hinting it might be his own story.

   Notable Quotes:

   • Joe DeRosa [08:03]: "Now, this has flickers of six all over it."
   • Big Jay Oakerson [09:17]: "I have 11 wins in 17 episodes."

2. Story Number Two [18:03]

   Story Summary: An embarrassing high school incident involving watching a video while intoxicated, leading to an awkward awakening.

   Key Discussions:

   • The panel debates the authenticity and ownership of the story.
   • Gas Digital Network (Luis Gomez) eventually admits the story is his, leading to playful teasing from other panelists.

   Notable Quotes:

   • Tim Butterly [19:01]: "I can't think of a worse guy to lose my virginity next to."
   • Gas Digital Network [19:32]: "Yeah, dude. Nice insertion."

3. Story Number Three [28:40]

   Story Summary: A humorous account of attempting to recruit stage dancers for Adult Video News (AVN) events under the guise of set design.

   Key Discussions:

   • Brian Six and Joe DeRosa both believe the story might belong to their fellow panelists.
   • Gas Digital Network reveals it’s his own story, prompting laughter and mock disbelief.

   Notable Quotes:

   • Brian Six [32:21]: "It's more difficult than you think."
   • Gas Digital Network [33:05]: "We worked for the set design club."

4. Story Number Four [39:47]

   Story Summary: Missing an uncle's funeral due to intoxication from an open mic night, leading to last-minute chaos and embarrassment.

   Key Discussions:

   • The panelists argue over who shared the story, with Tim Butterly eventually confirming it's his.
   • Humorous reflections on the mishap and its impact on family perceptions.

   Notable Quotes:

   • Tim Butterly [57:29]: "I missed the ceremony. They had to find another pallbearer."
   • Gas Digital Network [61:15]: "He had to use a door guy method."

5. Story Number Five [54:39]

   Story Summary: Failing to fulfill the role of a pallbearer at an uncle's funeral due to excessive partying the night before.

   Key Discussions:

   • Tim Butterly describes his frantic morning and the humorous consequences of his actions.
   • Panelists tease about the mix-up between "pallbearer" and "Paul bear," adding to the comedic effect.

   Notable Quotes:

   • Tim Butterly [56:30]: "I threw on a wrinkly suit, no tie."
   • Big Jay Oakerson [56:21]: "Guys, enjoy that flat blunt."

6. Story Number Six [65:22]

   Story Summary: Engaging in petty theft at a massage parlor after a rub-and-tug session, highlighting questionable moral choices.

   Key Discussions:

   • The panel debates whether Brian Six or Louis J. Gomez shared the story.
   • Brian Six defends his association with the story, leading to further humorous exchanges.

   Notable Quotes:

   • Brian Six [66:05]: "It's Butterly because Butterly..."
   • Gas Digital Network [67:15]: "You're holding up, dude."

7. Story Number Seven [69:37]

   Story Summary: Organizing rap battles among a specific community at a karaoke bar, possibly highlighting cultural misunderstandings.

   Key Discussions:

   • Brian Six and other panelists work to identify the storyteller, ultimately attributing it to Tim Butterly.
   • Light-hearted teasing about cultural appropriation and personal involvement.

   Notable Quotes:

   • Brian Six [70:40]: "It's Butterly because Butterly used to have a wild past."
   • Joe DeRosa [71:08]: "He's organizing this."

8. Story Number Eight [77:48]

   Story Summary: Asking a woman to reimburse half of a dinner cost after she expresses disinterest, showcasing awkward dating scenarios.

   Key Discussions:

   • The panelists vie to determine the story's author, with opinions leaning toward Brian Six.
   • Brian Six confirms it's his own story, leading to playful jabs from other panelists.

   Notable Quotes:

   • Brian Six [78:50]: "I think this is Butterly because Butterly..."
   • Joe DeRosa [81:54]: "Yeah."

Conclusion and Final Scores

Throughout the episode, the competitive spirit remains high as panelists aim to outwit each other through storytelling and strategic guessing. The dynamic interactions, filled with humor and friendly ribbing, highlight the camaraderie among the comedians.

Final Scores [83:36]:

• Tim Butterly emerges as the winner with 22 points, securing the top spot through clever storytelling and adept guessing.
• Brian Six follows closely with 15 points, showcasing his strong performance across multiple rounds.
• Louis J. Gomez and Joe DeRosa each accumulate 18 points, demonstrating their consistent participation.
• Big Jay Oakerson concludes in last place with 11 points, despite his engaging presence and multiple attempts to steer the game in his favor.

Closing Remarks

The episode wraps up with congratulations to Tim Butterly and acknowledgments to all participants for their entertaining contributions. The hosts thank the Philadelphia audience for their enthusiasm and participation, setting the stage for future episodes filled with more deceptive storytelling and comedic brilliance.

Notable Highlights:

• The playful yet competitive nature of the game fosters an engaging environment.
• Panelists' willingness to share embarrassing and humorous stories adds depth and relatability.
• The chemistry among the comedians ensures a lively and entertaining episode, making it enjoyable for both regular listeners and newcomers.

Final Thoughts

Story Warz continues to deliver on its promise of combining humor with the art of storytelling. Episode 018, "Dirtballs," stands out as a testament to the show's ability to create memorable moments through genuine interactions and comedic excellence.

Transcript

[Luis J. Gomez]

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[Gas Digital Network]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Big J Okerson]

Philadelphia, are you ready for the Story Warriors? Luis J. Gomez and Big J O Kisses. What the is up, Philadelphia? Welcome to Story Wars. Let's go.

[Joe DeRosa]

We are your Story Warriors. Big J O. Ker sitting the Puerto Rican rattlesnake, Louis J. Gomez. What's up Philadelphia? Thank you so much for having us, man. This gonna be a fantastic show, everybody.

[Big J Okerson]

We got a first ever. This is our first ever Story wars on the on the road. I mean, we did one at Skank Fest, but that doesn't count. This is the first ever time that we brought Story wars on the road. Sold out show Philadelphia. They told us not to come. They said Philly doesn't deserve it. They're terrible people. We said, fuck that. We're coming anyway.

[Joe DeRosa]

They tried to stop us. We fought through the protests. I feel like this room knows Story Wars. Yeah, you guys are familiar. Well, let's get this thing started. Bringing up our guests, everybody. Our first guest coming up here. Very exciting that he's home. We were able to get him here, everybody. He's currently writing on the show tires. Ooh. That's right, everybody. It's the fucking hilarious Joe derosa, everybody.

[Brian Six]

Well, hello, Philadelphia. Hi, guys.

[Joe DeRosa]

Hey, buddy.

[Big J Okerson]

Hello, Joe.

[Joe DeRosa]

Welcome home, Joey. They're right, man. So fun to be here with you, man.

[Brian Six]

Nice to be here with you.

[Joe DeRosa]

Our second panelist tonight, everybody. He is a Philadelphia favorite, one of the funniest. I know. Put your hands together right now for the hilarious Brian six. Everybody, the bee.

[Big J Okerson]

And last but not least, you guys know him and love him from his very popular podcast dad Meat and Tim Butterly show. Put your hands together for Tim Butterly. Let him hear it. It's in white male panel, folks.

[Joe DeRosa]

We did it.

[Gas Digital Network]

Finally.

[Joe DeRosa]

We did it. Trump was right. We did it. No one's complaining. Everybody.

[Tim Butterly]

We're going to build the wall out of books.

[Joe DeRosa]

Everybody. Welcome to Store Wars. Thank you guys for being here with us. The game is very, very simple. Everybody on this panel, all five of us, including me and Louis, have submitted stories on one specific topic. This week's topic, dirtball stories.

[Big J Okerson]

We're in Philly. We have to rep Philly with some dirt ball shit.

[Joe DeRosa]

Now, when the stories are going to be read out by our producer, Alex. Our lovely Alex. One at a time. And when the story comes on the screen, if it's your story, you're the only person who knows that it is your job to deceive everybody up here on the panel to make them think it's not your story. If it's not your story, you're going to go ahead and try to guess whose story it is.

[Big J Okerson]

Now, if it. If you. For each person that you fool, you get one point. Every time you guess the correct story, you get two points. Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready for story work?

[Brian Six]

All over our cords.

[Gas Digital Network]

Whoa.

[Joe DeRosa]

Would it have been a roadshow? I'm gonna need more napkins. Unreal.

[Big J Okerson]

I swear on my son's life, that's not on purpose. I've never, not once in my life have I ever knocked over any drink on purpose.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's crazier. If you were doing it for the bit would make more sense than you were this naturally clumsy.

[Brian Six]

By the way, is this bookshelf always here or is this part of the story?

[Joe DeRosa]

This was brought down.

[Big J Okerson]

We made them drive the bookshelf down.

[Brian Six]

Christ. That's a disgrace.

[Joe DeRosa]

Why? What are you talking about? This is.

[Brian Six]

Some intern had to go collect used books from a store.

[Joe DeRosa]

This is the Story wars library, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Full disclosure, Joe. Some of them aren't real books.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's not a book, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Just cardboard, Joe.

[Brian Six]

Ladies and gentlemen, they flew props in from Brooklyn. First story.

[Joe DeRosa]

Wreck the mundo, Joe.

[Big J Okerson]

And by the way, we're not playing for fun.

[Joe DeRosa]

I need a new dry napkin.

[Big J Okerson]

You're fine. Here, here, take my napkin. We'll get me another one.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, no, that's right. You're never playing for. That's your whole napkin. We need more napkins. You're never playing for nothing here on the Story Wars. Thank you. Perfect. No one's here playing for nothing on Story wars, everybody. You're always playing for a book from the Story wars library. This week's winner gets a used copy of David Feldman's Do Penguins have knees. A quirky, humorous collection of facts, questions, and absurdities related to animals, nature, and science in general. Wow. Wow. Are you guys ready for story wars to begin?

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

Let's go to war. Alex, our first story, please.

[Alex]

All right, story number one.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, we can't have our sound here.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. Or no, I think G Mike. G Mike was out here fixing the camera so he didn't make the sound.

[Joe DeRosa]

Boo. Boo. He's back. Wait, he's back.

[Tim Butterly]

You're doing great, G Mike. Lewis sucks.

[Joe DeRosa]

Wait, no, no, no. They deserve better. Alex. Story number one.

[Alex]

I once got so drunk that I passed out mid masturbation in the armchair of my family's living room with my dick in my hand and porn blaring on the tele. I was woken up by a family member in that exact state.

[Joe DeRosa]

Now, this has flickers of six all over it.

[Brian Six]

It does?

[Tim Butterly]

No way.

[Big J Okerson]

Flickers of six?

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, I feel like six jacks all.

[Tim Butterly]

Fully clothed over the pants.

[Brian Six]

I don't believe sixes ever masturbate without a family member catching him.

[Gas Digital Network]

Joe derosa.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I. Look, we've all fallen asleep mid masturbation with our dick in our hands.

[Joe DeRosa]

I know Lewis, for a fact, has done this.

[Big J Okerson]

I had this story when I was younger. It wasn't this, but this isn't the setting I was. I went into my bedroom, jerked off. I had the bong in my bedroom. I locked the door, and my roommate and two girls climbed up on the fire escape and laughed at my little fucking sleeping dick.

[Joe DeRosa]

I whacked him. He whacked him myself to sleep. A little angel.

[Tim Butterly]

Poor guy's tuckered out, literally.

[Big J Okerson]

With my pants down around my ankle, sleeping with a completely unre penis.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, num, num, num, num, num, num, num.

[Brian Six]

You know, I thought this was six, but I think it's Lewis.

[Gas Digital Network]

Whoa.

[Joe DeRosa]

Listen, this definitely could be Lewis. And I, again, historically steer people away from Louis because I think I know everything about Louis. And then he always surprised me with some other filthy, gross shit he's done. So this could be Louis.

[Gas Digital Network]

Didn't he say he has the exact same story?

[Joe DeRosa]

It starts out like this, yes, but I don't know. I feel like I would know. Lewis could have more. Passed out drunk mid whack off in.

[Gas Digital Network]

A family's living room.

[Joe DeRosa]

Lewis also doesn't have a lot of family, so I don't know what this could be like. What family's living room?

[Brian Six]

It just is a family.

[Big J Okerson]

Technically, you guys are my family.

[Gas Digital Network]

Okay.

[Joe DeRosa]

What a ham off, right? The off, he's a Puerto Rican.

[Brian Six]

He's got family members coming out of the cabinets. Doesn't mean he doesn't need to know him.

[Joe DeRosa]

These guys sprout family members like gremlins, I tell you.

[Tim Butterly]

Actually, good point on the Puerto Rican thing. The television is throwing me off. I would believe it more if it was like I fell asleep with porn blaring on my phone on the bus.

[Joe DeRosa]

That does that is more Puerto Rican and more Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, look, this is some real dirt ball shit. It truly could be anybody on the panel right now. But when I. When I first heard it, my instinct went beezer. And by the way, we figured out today, my record. I have 11 wins in 17 episodes.

[Gas Digital Network]

Of no one cares.

[Big J Okerson]

My instincts are stats of gay.

[Brian Six]

That's literally Richard Dawson bragging that he wins at Family Feud. It's your show, you Mexican God damn stats don't lie.

[Joe DeRosa]

Everybody read it and weep.

[Gas Digital Network]

Oh, I've 11 wins.

[Big J Okerson]

I do.

[Joe DeRosa]

I show too. And I've only won twice.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, twice. James won twice.

[Gas Digital Network]

She's only one twice.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm gonna start the voting right now. Everybody, I'm gonna go. This has got. Bees are all over. Brian. Six for me. Once your thing is locked in. Once you put it in the thing.

[Gas Digital Network]

So think real high tech.

[Big J Okerson]

I am putting my vote into. Because everyone, everyone also everyone accuses me of voting last.

[Joe DeRosa]

He does.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll vote first every show. You cheap. If you're afraid of the rattlesnake, be afraid of the rattlesnake. Brian.

[My Bookie]

Six.

[Big J Okerson]

Six. Mark of the beast.

[Brian Six]

I think it's Louis.

[Joe DeRosa]

How long do you have to know Lewis to know that's not how you.

[Big J Okerson]

Spell my name, you fucking cocksucker.

[Joe DeRosa]

That is gonna hurt Louis, and that's gonna be. You have to excuse a couple of Louis being shitties to you now, because that one hurts inside.

[Brian Six]

This is the proper way of spelling your name, and I know you don't know how to spell it because you're Puerto Rican. Lewis, I think it's Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

Put it in.

[Joe DeRosa]

Lock it in, bud.

[Big J Okerson]

Lock it in.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yes, dude, I got a new one. I go old Joey jerk off. Old Joey, Joey jerk off all day.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, I'm actually. I don't know enough about Joe, but most of it does involve drinking and being horny.

[Gas Digital Network]

Classic.

[Big J Okerson]

We have all of.

[Joe DeRosa]

Everybody's locked in.

[Gas Digital Network]

Alex, lock it in.

[Alex]

That was Joe Derosa.

[Gas Digital Network]

I fucking do it, dude. I knew it.

[Big J Okerson]

God damn it.

[Gas Digital Network]

What a fucking.

[Joe DeRosa]

God.

[Gas Digital Network]

Your dad was like, nice dick idiot. He caught you.

[Joe DeRosa]

Hold on.

[Big J Okerson]

This is Derosa. Was adopted. He doesn't have real family. That's bullshit. That's being ass.

[Joe DeRosa]

You have my real parents.

[Brian Six]

This happened at the orphanage. It was a tough time.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah, dude. Old Saint One Eyed.

[Joe DeRosa]

This was the night they dropped you off.

[Brian Six]

So wait, do I get a point? Who gets a point?

[Big J Okerson]

We'll tell you the point. Didn't I tell the story first?

[Joe DeRosa]

What happened? What happened?

[Brian Six]

Well, the synopsis kind of said it all.

[Joe DeRosa]

Well, what family was this?

[Brian Six]

I was home. Okay, so I was home from third. I was 20 years old. And I was home from college. It was before we were allowed to drink. We weren't legal yet. And we got. We got 40 ounces and we had a blunt before weed was also legal everywhere.

[Big J Okerson]

This is Joe's. This is in Joe's wigger stage.

[Joe DeRosa]

Dude, this is the New York telling this. You're telling us with a 40 tone?

[Brian Six]

Yeah, no, but anyway, we. I drunk. I drank two 40s and smoked a blunt with my buddy. And then he gave me a four hour porno movie.

[Joe DeRosa]

Nice.

[Brian Six]

I put it in the VCR and I was like, I have to find the lesbian scene. And this is back before you could skip. Folks, I was fast forwarding through the porno movie. And as I was fast forwarding, I was getting more and more tired. And I had a box of Kleenex on the small one with the popups on one arm of the chair and lube on the other arm of the chair. And I felt. I just. I blacked out. And the next thing I knew, my dad was standing over me. And I woke up.

[Joe DeRosa]

The deacon?

[Brian Six]

Yeah, the deacon.

[Big J Okerson]

Your deacon was in your hands, Deacon. Deacon, your hands.

[Joe DeRosa]

Joseph. Your deacon's out. Put your deacon back in the chapel.

[Brian Six]

My deke was way out for mass, so I woke up. And I looked up, it was my dad. And I looked down, I was holding my dick. It was still semi erect.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, nice.

[Gas Digital Network]

What'd you say?

[Brian Six]

My dad said, I think you should go to bed. And I stood up and I was so fucked up that I zigzagged to the TV to try to turn the porno off. And my dad once again grabbed my shoulder and said, I think you should go to bed. So I went to bed.

[Joe DeRosa]

He could want some alone time.

[Brian Six]

I went to bed. He cleaned up the mess like Harvey Keitel in Pulp Fiction.

[Joe DeRosa]

Nice. The wolf. The wolf.

[Brian Six]

And the next morning, he. He opened my bedroom door and he peaked his adorable little deacon face through. And he said, I made pancakes.

[Gas Digital Network]

Ew, dude, that means.

[Brian Six]

And we never spoke of it again.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's a good man. It's a good man. That's a good man. Wow. Alex, can we see the scoreboard, please?

[Alex]

Absolutely. I have all three guests on the board with two points each, and the story warriors with zero points each.

[Brian Six]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Holy shit.

[Joe DeRosa]

Don't worry about it, CJo.

[Big J Okerson]

You got a point for each person you fooled.

[Joe DeRosa]

Do you get it? You fooled two people.

[Brian Six]

I get it now.

[Joe DeRosa]

Nice. Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Joe asked 400 questions backstage.

[Joe DeRosa]

It was thorough, but I think he has it well.

[Brian Six]

Instead of explaining the rules, you just kept going, I've won 11 times. I was like, I. I get it. Lewis, what are the rules of the game that I came down here for free to do?

[Big J Okerson]

I was doing this.

[Joe DeRosa]

The pregame was dominated by Lewis flexing, and also. I have a force field and I'm on base.

[Big J Okerson]

The floor's lava, Joe.

[My Bookie]

All right, let's take a quick moment to thank my bookie for supporting today's show.

[Joe DeRosa]

Thank you.

[My Bookie]

We love my bookie here on Story Wars.

[Big J Okerson]

That's right, Philly. Clap it up for my bookie, because we're in Philly right now.

[Joe DeRosa]

Buddy. We are in Philly right now. Let me tell you something. If you're listening to this, bet on the Eagles be against the Ravens. They're going to cover. I don't know if this is a Back to the Future too type situation, but if it is, please make me future Biff. If you're listening to this right now, bet on the Eagles against the Ravens. They're going to kill it. My bookie is amazing. Listen, it's online gambling. Done. Fucking right, everybody. You can bet on everything in almost every game. Whatever sport you're into right now, get into the action. If you use the promo code wars to claim a bonus of up to $1,000 in your first deposit. That's right. They just giving you free money to play with everybody. Warz w a r z to kick off your football season playing with house money. And MyBookie keeps you coming back for more, offering exclusive lines, free bets, and access to VIP contests. So don't miss a single play. Bet on anything, anywhere, anytime, only with MyBookie.com. all right, this game is moving and shaking, everybody. Alex, story number two. Yes.

[Alex]

Story number two. I sat next to my best friend in high school while he was losing his virginity to a girl that I had just fingered.

[Joe DeRosa]

All right. By the way, this is more difficult than you think. I think this could be. I don't. Again, I feel like Butterly was such a good boy.

[Tim Butterly]

Friends in high school.

[Joe DeRosa]

That does sound Nice.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like this could be the big J origin story and why he wears these gloves.

[Joe DeRosa]

Absolutely. Dude. No. You always gotta be ready. Even if a girl says she's with somebody, dude, she might wanna get fingered.

[Brian Six]

Sixx has already written his answer. Like he's a psychic. Six is like, it's coming to me immediately.

[Joe DeRosa]

The stars say Louis.

[Brian Six]

God, that's a tough one.

[Joe DeRosa]

This is tough again.

[Tim Butterly]

I'm torn between J and 6.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. Beezer.

[Gas Digital Network]

What? I didn't do that, dumbass. That the beginning of that story. I was like, yeah, it's probably.

[Tim Butterly]

I can't think of a worse guy to lose my virginity next to.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah, dude. Nice insertion fag.

[Tim Butterly]

What are you going to call him?

[Gas Digital Network]

Nice load.

[Joe DeRosa]

Sick load.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I mean, Butterly's too nice of a person.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

Finger.

[Joe DeRosa]

Well, here's the thing.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Gas Digital Network]

I thought that when you say it like that we're making this a little.

[Joe DeRosa]

We're making this a little, you know, like.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I'm imagining just fingered her, like right there and then he started her. I guess it could be earlier in the day and Butterly could be like playing like the.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, I thought it was in my mind. It was a. Everybody slept in the same bed and rolled over from the one I thought she took. I was thinking she took a blast from somebody and then rolled back over and. And lost virgin and lost her virginity.

[Gas Digital Network]

What?

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. One guy was like, fluffer. I'm going to go Beezer again.

[Brian Six]

I'm.

[Joe DeRosa]

That is. How you.

[Big J Okerson]

Coming up. I think he's bullying everyone. Because it's him.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

I think this is the Philly way.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's the Philly way. He's bullying.

[Gas Digital Network]

I don't know about that, dude. Sounds like kind of a queer.

[Joe DeRosa]

If I. If I had to pick somebody on this table that I wanted to hear the story from. It is Beezer.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm doing my vote right now. Brian. 666. One more time, baby.

[Brian Six]

All right, I'm going Louis again. And I spelled it differently this time. Is that correct?

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Are you just wasting your vote, dummy?

[Joe DeRosa]

I don't know if it's waste.

[Gas Digital Network]

Oh, you put.

[Joe DeRosa]

I don't know if it is a waste.

[Gas Digital Network]

Fuck that, dude. It's the edge, dude. Louis the edge. Gomez. He'll take you there, dude. You fucking losers dare to even check?

[Joe DeRosa]

I figured her so good that she had to flip over and fuck immediately.

[Gas Digital Network]

What'd you put?

[Tim Butterly]

I think it's Jay. Cause it's also easy to imagine him doing that now.

[Joe DeRosa]

I definitely more than once Was sleeping on a floor while a cooler friend was fucking a chick in a bed above me.

[Brian Six]

I don't think it was Jay. If it was Jay, the story would go, after my friend lost his virginity, I fingered the girl.

[Joe DeRosa]

It'd be flipped the other ward. Yeah. How else do I know she's used up goods.

[Gas Digital Network]

What the fuck?

[Joe DeRosa]

It was me.

[Gas Digital Network]

You smelled it.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone's votes are.

[Joe DeRosa]

Everyone is locked in. Alex.

[Alex]

That was Louis J. Gomez.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yes.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Butterscotch.

[Gas Digital Network]

Gross.

[Joe DeRosa]

Ooh, that's the stuff.

[Big J Okerson]

That's the. Right there. Yeah, it was me. And I didn't just finger the girl. I left this detail out because, Jay, you might have heard this story before. What I was doing was so me and my. I didn't want to wear condoms in high school.

[Joe DeRosa]

So me. And now. Now you're super stoked on them.

[Big J Okerson]

So me and my girlfriend, what we would use is. Which I'm pretty sure just causes like cervical cancer. But they were. They were suppositories that you would jam up by your. By your cervix. And it was like a spermicidal little pillow that you put into her. And then if you nut in her, it would kill the. The sperm.

[Gas Digital Network]

Why do you believe everything?

[Big J Okerson]

I swear to God, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

It was.

[Big J Okerson]

Believe they were called.

[Joe DeRosa]

Don't listen.

[Gas Digital Network]

You're that kidding bully nerds, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

Those things ruled. They ruled when in a car and then putting it in your girlfriend and then going, you gotta wait a few minutes, kick it for 10 minutes.

[Big J Okerson]

You gotta let it dissolve, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

Let that melt inside you.

[Big J Okerson]

Let it melt like candy. And then we'll go like a brother's original. You put it into a cunt, bro.

[Gas Digital Network]

What? Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Also, as a fat kid fucking in a car, 9 out of 10 chance that condom is gonna get lost up inside you.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

So let's just put the fucking juice pill in.

[Big J Okerson]

So I was using these with my girlfriend. Time my buddy Dave was losing his virginity to this fuck. He's hooking up this like, pig, this girl who was like, I don't even know, man.

[Brian Six]

She was fucking audacity for you to call her a pig.

[Big J Okerson]

Let me tell you. She was. Because, listen, what I said was, they didn't have a condom. So I was like, oh, if you don't have condom. I was like, I have these little pills that if you put inside of her, it like, prevents you from getting pregnant. I was like. But I was like, you guys don't know how to use them, so.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm.

[Big J Okerson]

Going to need to insert it into her to make sure it's done properly. Yeah.

[Brian Six]

You came home. You came home and your mother was like, you traded our only cow for a pill that you could shove in a pussy to prevent pregnancy, you idiot.

[Joe DeRosa]

Jack.

[Brian Six]

You're like, mama, it'll grow a beanstalk.

[Big J Okerson]

Out of her cunt. That's what the J stands for. Lewis Jack Gomez. Oh, dude. Yeah. So then I put it inside of her, and then he her the whole time. And then I kept on trying to, like, touch her while they were having sex.

[Joe DeRosa]

I got eggs. I gotta make sure it's still in there.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah. And she kept on.

[Joe DeRosa]

You gotta check my levels. Like, it's oil. You go, yeah, she's good. She's good. I love these.

[Big J Okerson]

Then she wrote about it in her diary. And her mom.

[Joe DeRosa]

You also read her diary?

[Big J Okerson]

No. Her mom found it and threatened to have us arrested for raping her daughter. Come on, Edit that part out.

[Gas Digital Network]

Why'd you hit it with a come on at the end? Dude, obviously, no one's taking your side.

[Big J Okerson]

Come on.

[Joe DeRosa]

Come on.

[Gas Digital Network]

What do you mean, rape? Come on, bitch.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't rape her daughter.

[Gas Digital Network]

Stupid, dumb, young daughter had a fun time.

[Big J Okerson]

It's probably a great memory for her.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Brian Six]

Every time a show that you guys host, I'm like, I might get canceled at the end of the show.

[Big J Okerson]

It's fine. These are jokes.

[Brian Six]

And every time I go, no, I don't need to worry about it. And then every time during it, I should have worried about it.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, Joe, you don't understand. It's not what you think. That girl willingly flipped over and goes, yes. You put this thing in my hooch. And then I'll. This guy.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah. It's all willing.

[Tim Butterly]

I'm assembling a team. I've got the best fingering guy in North Jersey. In and out. You'll never know.

[Joe DeRosa]

Are you in?

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

You son of a.

[Big J Okerson]

You son. Son of a. Joe, if you want to win story wars, you better show up with some stories.

[Brian Six]

Yo, I'm winning.

[Big J Okerson]

We'll see the points.

[Brian Six]

Well, Alex. Yeah? Can we.

[Big J Okerson]

Can we see the points? Wow.

[Alex]

On the scoreboard, you guys, I have Joe De Rosa and Brian, 6, tied with four points.

[Gas Digital Network]

In your face, dude.

[Alex]

I have Tim and Lewis with two points each and Big Jay Ogerson with zero points.

[Big J Okerson]

You're embarrassing.

[Gas Digital Network]

Zero points. Did you guys pay for this act earlier?

[Brian Six]

Can we get some shots up here?

[Gas Digital Network]

Idiot.

[Brian Six]

Can we get a round of shots up here?

[Big J Okerson]

Can we smoke a joint up here?

[Brian Six]

Oh, we smoke cigarettes up here.

[Big J Okerson]

Smoke a joint. Smoke a joint.

[Joe DeRosa]

Smoke a joint. Smoke.

[Big J Okerson]

Should we no smoke American Smoke.

[Brian Six]

Smoke American spirit. Smoke American.

[Gas Digital Network]

Joe. Do you have to chant that because you're staying with your parents? You're like, we should smoke in here.

[Brian Six]

Mom, it's. It's fine.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm gonna go jack off in the deck. I'll be jacking off in the Three Seasons room if anyone needs it.

[Brian Six]

Can I get another Jack and diet? And can we get 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 shots of something?

[Joe DeRosa]

And can. And can we smoke cigarettes?

[Brian Six]

And can we smoke cigarettes and a joint?

[Gas Digital Network]

Are you still on an.

[Big J Okerson]

And can I have one of those French fries? They look so good.

[Gas Digital Network]

You're all good right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Just throw me one, dude, please.

[Tim Butterly]

Come on.

[Big J Okerson]

Get it up here. Yes. Come on, dude. You got it. That was the best fry on the plate. Your pizza.

[Joe DeRosa]

Man. I'm really.

[Gas Digital Network]

All right.

[Tim Butterly]

Hey, that's Special Agent Cooper you're talking to.

[Big J Okerson]

What story are we on, by the way? 11. Zero in Story Wars.

[Gas Digital Network]

Just shut up, dude. No one cares.

[Joe DeRosa]

Not 11 and 0.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, well, I'm sorry.

[Joe DeRosa]

You're 11 and 6, dude.

[Gas Digital Network]

My uncle used to keep stats like this. It's softball.

[Joe DeRosa]

He did.

[Gas Digital Network]

He was a loser. He's dead as. He is. Dead as 46. Dead as 46. Dumb as. Like, dude. Good week, Don Baton. 317. I was like, you're a. You talking about.

[Brian Six]

I swear to dude.

[Gas Digital Network]

Steve, stats are behind the bar legs. If anybody's from V, you would know what I'm talking about. Behind the bar legs. Disgusting. Where Tim grew up, it is mostly Kenzie did.

[Joe DeRosa]

What story are we on?

[Alex]

We're on story number three.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah, here it is.

[Joe DeRosa]

Story number three.

[Alex]

Alex, how story number three. Me and my friends convinced a strip club we were there looking for stage dancers for that year's AVNs, I'm gonna.

[Joe DeRosa]

For the third time in a row, I want to blindly guess Beezer.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, that's. First of all. First of all, that's a brilliant idea.

[Joe DeRosa]

It is a brilliant idea. I don't think I could pull this off. I'd be nervous that I would get caught with this.

[Big J Okerson]

This is like a Ralph Sutton story.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. This isn't Joe Butterly. No. Ganny's a good boy. I know you finger, buddy, but I don't think you did.

[Tim Butterly]

This means a lot for you to say that. Thank you.

[Joe DeRosa]

I know you're good for a fingering dude. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

But Butter. Butterly is funny and down for shit. So if a friend. If a friend suggested this, Butterly would completely jump into this head first. Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

If any of my friends ever want to do, like, a bit or anything. I would love to.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

If anyone wants to even be my friend, that would be. That would be awesome.

[Joe DeRosa]

This could be. This could be Louis. Once again, thank you.

[Gas Digital Network]

All right.

[Brian Six]

This is really hard. The subject matter just. Object matter of what is the shot of whiskey? The subject matter is very hard when it's dirt ball, I don't think. Because every story could be Louis or Jay. So it'd be like if Woody Allen was hosting this and the subject was pet movies, Every story you'd be like, it could be you.

[Gas Digital Network]

Jesus.

[Joe DeRosa]

Well, for us, you broke the stage light.

[Gas Digital Network]

Who's this new one you got?

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, what happened there?

[Big J Okerson]

He gave me a french fry. I don't drink. I gave him a shot.

[Brian Six]

Thanks for stepping on my Woody Allen.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. Joe was talking and Lewis invited someone on stage. Come across the stage, really draw the eyes.

[Brian Six]

Who was that?

[Joe DeRosa]

A guy, Lewis. He gave him Lewis a french fries. So Lewis had him bum rush the stage to get a shot. That Lewis.

[Brian Six]

Was that the dad from Silver spoons?

[Gas Digital Network]

Whoa. Might be in your face, dude.

[Tim Butterly]

Is that the Kyle McLaughlin?

[Gas Digital Network]

Just so you know. Silver spoons.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, dude. Child like millionaire.

[Tim Butterly]

If this said my friends and I, I'd say it's Joe. But it says me and my friends. I'm going six.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm going six. God damn it. This has to.

[Big J Okerson]

One of them has to be 6.

[Joe DeRosa]

This has to not. This can't me yet again.

[Gas Digital Network]

Look at the.

[Brian Six]

And I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why I'm doing my vote. I'll tell you why. I'm doing my vote again. This could be any one of us. This has big J written all over it. And I'll tell you why. Why the scheming and the plotting. Jay is a schemer and a plotter and he's smarter than he should be.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Joe DeRosa]

He's smarter than he should be.

[Gas Digital Network]

For help Hope show the answer.

[Brian Six]

But Jay is a. Is a scheming, plotting pervert. I'm. This is big J100.

[Gas Digital Network]

Wow.

[Joe DeRosa]

I appreciate that.

[Gas Digital Network]

I put Joseph the chat room derosa already.

[Brian Six]

You think I got a number two already in this game?

[Joe DeRosa]

It's very buzz. All random. Yeah, that's why.

[Big J Okerson]

It could be two in a row. Could be three in a row.

[Joe DeRosa]

Never could be four in a row.

[Big J Okerson]

Stop it, Jay.

[Gas Digital Network]

Whoa. Whoa.

[Joe DeRosa]

Is everybody locked in? Holy. Everybody. I want to hear what this is. Alex, break our hearts.

[Alex]

That was Beezer.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes. Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Finally.

[Gas Digital Network]

Obviously.

[Tim Butterly]

Hit it.

[Gas Digital Network]

It's the only story that fucking sounds pretty cool. That's like the first one I sent. That's bush league. Ooh, Step up your rape stories over there, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

How did it go, Beezer? What's the story? Did they buy it?

[Gas Digital Network]

What? Yeah. Oh, yeah. We had. We had our brothers, our friend's older brother call ahead. Was like, yeah, we have my guys coming in from the AVNs.

[Tim Butterly]

Do you guys know a John Pornhub?

[Joe DeRosa]

He says he's.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, you're good, man.

[Joe DeRosa]

Go ahead.

[Brian Six]

Charles Vivid wants to come in this evening.

[Joe DeRosa]

Ben Brazers is here, and he wants it.

[Gas Digital Network]

Beezers, obviously. Obviously, we were at risk. A Sunday, obviously. Columbus Crossing. You guys know I'm talking about older people may know it. It's Delaware Ave. When it ruled.

[Brian Six]

Could you sound more Philly right now?

[Gas Digital Network]

Could I sound more racist right now?

[Joe DeRosa]

You know, go ahead.

[Brian Six]

Was the cheesesteak coming to the story anymore?

[Gas Digital Network]

That wasn't even a real sentence. You just like, I saw an awesome story and you tried to chime in like, a piece of. I think you did, Joe.

[Tim Butterly]

I'm gonna make the two of you fight.

[Gas Digital Network]

Thank you. We called ahead. It was three of us. It was me, my boy Bone. Shout out, Bone. He's the man.

[Big J Okerson]

Boom.

[Gas Digital Network]

Shout out Matt Pavone. And then my friend Vinnie. He's a idiot. He got us caught because it was like an hour and a half in, and they were asking us what we did, and we were like, yeah, we work for the set design club. We didn't even say.

[Joe DeRosa]

Any words.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah, they went to my.

[Brian Six]

But even in your fantasies, you shoot low. Yeah, we're not directors. We design the sets.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, we like some of your finest girls to tell us our sets are good.

[Gas Digital Network]

And the. You know, the.

[Joe DeRosa]

Do you think real or fake foliage?

[Big J Okerson]

We're real low level, you know, we don't got anything important.

[Joe DeRosa]

God damn it.

[Gas Digital Network]

Jesus Christ. But he got it, dude. That one guy got it, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

And then so I basically, we got.

[Gas Digital Network]

Caught because my buddy Vinnie was the one who just told the bouncer what he really did for a living. I'm a union painter. I'm a union painter. I buy bills, dude. He goes, why? What are you, local? The guy's like, no, by the way, a door guy. What did he say on Sunday?

[Brian Six]

What did he really do that was worth in set designer for the AVNs?

[Gas Digital Network]

He's, like, jerking off in the corner. It's killing it. Pretty sweet.

[Joe DeRosa]

Pretty sweet.

[Gas Digital Network]

You guys ever jerk off in the corner in strip club? I think not, dude. No.

[Brian Six]

Only. Only to my dad.

[Joe DeRosa]

I have not, but I will bet some that might be one of the.

[Gas Digital Network]

Wars in this story.

[Joe DeRosa]

What's the scores look like, Alex?

[Gas Digital Network]

I'm winning. I know that. It's very possible you guys all guessed right on that. That's. Dude.

[Alex]

On the scoreboard, I have Big J Okerson with two points hanging in. I have Joe DeRosa and Tim Butterly and Louis J. Gomez, all with four points each. And Brian Six with five in the fucking lead.

[Joe DeRosa]

Brian Six.

[Gas Digital Network]

I stand alone, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Very early.

[Joe DeRosa]

Almost halfway on your way to becoming a star.

[Big J Okerson]

War in the war.

[Tim Butterly]

Not Brian five.

[Big J Okerson]

Hello.

[Brian Six]

Thank you.

[Gas Digital Network]

Is there weed up here?

[Brian Six]

Can we smoke weed?

[Gas Digital Network]

And are the Grossman here?

[Big J Okerson]

We have this. This chick's vape pen.

[Brian Six]

Can we smoke cigarettes in here?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, sir.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's exploded into chaos.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you.

[Brian Six]

Can we smoke cigarettes in here?

[Joe DeRosa]

Like, can we smoke cigarettes? Can we store Percocets up here? No reason.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah, you better.

[Joe DeRosa]

Definitely.

[Gas Digital Network]

This city takes a. You get an inch, they take a mile. They're like, can we smoke six? I'll spike up right now. Dude. It's like, God damn it. Why is your veins out?

[Tim Butterly]

Dude, who's got the Galaxy Gas? Actually, that's what I want.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah. Yo, dude. Nitro becoming trendy for kids today is super gay. They're just finding out about nitrous. What a bunch of losers. What a bunch of fucking losers is to rip hippies off down at the Spectrum. Fucking years ago at fish shows, please. Fucking fish shows. Retards, every one of them.

[Joe DeRosa]

Go to a show.

[Brian Six]

Can I just say six is the greatest man I've ever known.

[Gas Digital Network]

All I'm saying is, dude. All I'm saying is six might be.

[Brian Six]

The greatest man I've ever.

[Gas Digital Network]

Look at. Look at an avid person. It's like, man, I enjoy going to a fish show. What a dude. Their music's horrendous.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, I can't argue.

[Gas Digital Network]

I turn into this up combo of DeRosa and O'Connor, and I'm like, world, you know, just pissed off all the time.

[Joe DeRosa]

Brian.

[Gas Digital Network]

Anyway, Lewis did it. That's the. That's my answer.

[Joe DeRosa]

Beezer, keep your eyes on the prize. Remember, you're playing for David Feldman's Do Penguins have Knees? The book takes a playful approach to answering oddball questions about the natural world, combining factual information with a sense of whimsy and irreverence.

[Brian Six]

God, I love whimsy.

[Joe DeRosa]

I know you do. What's up, you stink cock motherfuckers? Are you tired of packing? Struggle? You know the drill. Stuffing your suitcase to the brim, trying to fit in all those tiny shampoo bottles and face washes. It's a nightmare if you don't want to check a bag.

[My Bookie]

No, it's terrible. Nobody wants to do that. That's where Mando's 4 in 1 acidified cleansing bar comes in to save the day. Jay. Their 5oz wonder does the job of a shampoo, face wash, body wash and a deodorant. Plus, if you need a quick shave, you can create a rich lather, making it technically five in one. I think soap does that anyway, so technically also two in one.

[Joe DeRosa]

This is a Latino's dream product. Can it do everything on my entire body?

[My Bookie]

And if you buy the starter pack, you could float over here like it's a raft.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh my God. Dude, that thing could fill with water and definitely carry you a couple hundred.

[My Bookie]

It's clinically proven to control odor for over 24 hours. This isn't just. This isn't deodorant just for your armpits. This is literally everywhere your balls.

[Joe DeRosa]

This is your grandma's gay ass fucking deodorant.

[My Bookie]

Soap Mando comes in three amazing cologne quality scents. And I really do love the woodsy Mount Fuji. That's my favorite one.

[Joe DeRosa]

Jay. Oh you dude, you've gotten so much with that.

[Big J Okerson]

Yep.

[My Bookie]

So here's a sweet deal for you. If you guys go to shopmando.com we're going to give you $5 off their best selling starter pack with promo code wars with a Z W a r [e-mail] Once again, go to shopmando.com, use that promo code wars and you're going to get $5 off their best selling starter pack.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, where were we?

[Joe DeRosa]

Alex? Our fourth story.

[Alex]

Story number four, I split a street walking hooker in a car with another comedian.

[Brian Six]

All right, all right. This is without question what I mean.

[Big J Okerson]

This should be in Big J's bio.

[Brian Six]

Yeah, exactly.

[Joe DeRosa]

What this is without question. Okerson, you know you're going to vote for me stupidly. And then someone's running away with this.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah.

[Brian Six]

Look at your dirty little shit smirk on your face.

[Joe DeRosa]

And he started, by the way.

[Big J Okerson]

Also, also, also, let me say this, let me point something out. Actually, never let me not point it out. Never mind. Make your votes, make your votes. I'm going to play my own game.

[Gas Digital Network]

What's it called?

[Tim Butterly]

A little game I like to call it was Me.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Gas Digital Network]

Look how direct the title is. Story is.

[Joe DeRosa]

I like that.

[Tim Butterly]

Big J, another comedian.

[Joe DeRosa]

Thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

It is a big J.

[Gas Digital Network]

Can't put your answer out there yet.

[Tim Butterly]

No, this is Lewis when he was.

[Brian Six]

Positive it Is Jay to the point?

[Gas Digital Network]

You know, we're filming Joe, so a big deal.

[Joe DeRosa]

I don't think I want to say Beezer yet. For the seventh time in four questions.

[Gas Digital Network]

Here we go.

[Brian Six]

I'm positive it's Jay. Not just to the story, but the fact that he was so cheap that he just split the hooker. I'm positive.

[Gas Digital Network]

Damn.

[Joe DeRosa]

You find me to be a cheap person, Joe, I'm starting. This is Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I know exactly who it is. I don't want to. I don't want to lead the rest of the panel, but I will just because it's 100% Big J. He's freaking out right now. He's throwing it at everybody. It's Beezer. That it's me. That immediately you said you're like, hold on. He goes, I think it's Jay. And then Jay goes, if you guys want to just throw away your answers. And nobody even said it was just Joe. You're losing your mind.

[Joe DeRosa]

When he. When you. I will give up.

[Big J Okerson]

I will give up all my points if it's not Jay.

[Gas Digital Network]

Jesus Christ. It's definitely.

[Joe DeRosa]

Whoa. Okay.

[Brian Six]

Is that allowed?

[Joe DeRosa]

New rule. Yes, it's allowed. It's allowed. Yes, yes, yes.

[Brian Six]

It's a new rule, folks.

[Joe DeRosa]

New rules.

[Big J Okerson]

Big J is the culprit. He's a creep. He's a pervert. He's cheap. He's a Jew. He's a rapist. It's Big J.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's a big song and dance right there, Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

Obviously. Boo.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Brian Six]

How do you spell it?

[Joe DeRosa]

Is it L, U, I, S with a heart on the top?

[Gas Digital Network]

It depends on whose story this is, dude. I mean, the title's like an SVU title. Jesus Christ. The fuck? Which one of you assholes did this? Fucking disgusting. Obviously the two over here.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I'm not above this. Honestly, this story could be me and Big J easily.

[Gas Digital Network]

I knew it.

[Joe DeRosa]

Said dirtball stories. There was several stories where I had to go. I mean, Lewis was there.

[Gas Digital Network]

Jay, I'm sorry, dude. I can't do it. I have to go with Lewis. The split.

[Joe DeRosa]

The split.

[Gas Digital Network]

Gomez, dude, I think that's Lois.

[Brian Six]

It's not Louis. And I can tell you why it's not Louis.

[Gas Digital Network]

Here we go.

[Brian Six]

Lewis is too proud.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm a proud boy. That doesn't mean I'm proud.

[Tim Butterly]

No, but.

[Brian Six]

But I think this is fair. You're too proud to split a hooker with another man.

[Joe DeRosa]

What?

[Gas Digital Network]

Way to go, Louis.

[Joe DeRosa]

Do you believe that?

[Brian Six]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Did you not know Louis Young, unscrupulous.

[Big J Okerson]

I wasn't. I wasn't too proud back in the day.

[Brian Six]

I'm not saying he has morals. I'm saying he's gluttonous. No, I'm saying Louis would never split a hooker with another man.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm betting on it that he's going to lose a hundred percent of his.

[Brian Six]

Because all you had was enough for half to perfect. I'm saying, like, I think Lewis had.

[Joe DeRosa]

All this money more than me.

[Brian Six]

I don't think he had more money. I think he had more integrity.

[Gas Digital Network]

Whoa, whoa.

[Joe DeRosa]

You're defending a decision you already made. You can't change.

[Gas Digital Network]

I would have much rather beat up Jay.

[Joe DeRosa]

Listen, that's fine.

[Gas Digital Network]

Jesus. You imagine Kieran Lewis has more integrity than you?

[Brian Six]

I know I'd kill get Tim to vote.

[Joe DeRosa]

I want Lewis to lose all of his points and Tim to not get points.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay's. He's still acting song and dance. It's Jay. He's. He's fearful right now. He's still trying to convince Tim did not vote for him. But I don't want you to vote for him.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm drinking nervously.

[Big J Okerson]

I want to get more points. And Jay has only won this game twice. So he's not winning you right off.

[Gas Digital Network]

Bad actor. It's definitely Lois Butterly.

[Brian Six]

What do you got, kid?

[Gas Digital Network]

Just. Well, Blind Mike.

[Tim Butterly]

I can only confirm that it's not six. Cause it would say I split a streetwalking hooker in a car with another comedian and then kept her all for myself.

[Gas Digital Network]

She was hot too.

[Tim Butterly]

So I'm gonna go shot in the dark.

[My Bookie]

Splitting.

[Tim Butterly]

A streetwalker is very Jewish. I'm going, Jed.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, you cock. Really? Well, well, well.

[Alex]

Holy. You guys.

[Tim Butterly]

Lewis would have found a way to not pay.

[Joe DeRosa]

Lewis is about to have zero points.

[Alex]

That was big J ogresson.

[Big J Okerson]

What I tell you? I knew it.

[Gas Digital Network]

Of course you did.

[Joe DeRosa]

Who is it?

[Gas Digital Network]

You two? Ray leaving the laugh outs.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know. I hear people in the crowd being like, I knew it. I knew it was Jay. He is a piece of. I called it.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, I was way younger. Camden, New Jersey.

[Gas Digital Network]

There we go.

[Big J Okerson]

Years.

[Joe DeRosa]

First lifetime.

[Gas Digital Network]

I was way younger.

[Big J Okerson]

It was a lifetime ago.

[Gas Digital Network]

You open up with Camden, please.

[Joe DeRosa]

It was when I was. It was when I was driving through Camden, New Jersey. So it was some time ago.

[Gas Digital Network]

No one has. When I was. Who was the other comedian?

[Joe DeRosa]

I can't say. The comedian was Kevin Hart. We. It was the. There was a black lady, Kevin, with a. Wearing a big Erykah Badu head wrap. Jesus. And she. And she blew him first for $10 and then. And then he Came in her mouth and she flipped out and went. She went, that's extra. And then spit it out. And then got out of the car and started walking. And I was like, you know, 19 and horny. So I started backing the car up next to her. I was like, I.

[Tim Butterly]

It's not right how he treated me.

[Joe DeRosa]

I was kind of hoping to go, too. And she was like, no, and just left. Okay. We were there to split her.

[Brian Six]

Hold on a second. Hold on. You didn't split her? She said, no, I'm leaving.

[Joe DeRosa]

Right. But we had her in the. Oh.

[Big J Okerson]

In the car. Oh, J. J. Wow.

[Brian Six]

No, you didn't split her, though.

[Joe DeRosa]

She left. Right. But the intention was she was going to blow both of us.

[Big J Okerson]

He couldn't write one time, Kevin Hart got blown by a hooker in front of me in the back of a car. That would be crazy.

[Joe DeRosa]

That would be crazy.

[Gas Digital Network]

Let's hit it. Let's go.

[Joe DeRosa]

That would have been insane. Come on.

[Big J Okerson]

From Jumanji, Kevin Hart.

[Tim Butterly]

I don't think I need a. I don't think I need a hole hooker, but if you get one, I'll have a bite, sort of.

[Joe DeRosa]

Well, you guys weren't wrong. I was very, very broke, but he was like, hey, you can pay a girl. Suck your dick. I'm like, let's do that then.

[Tim Butterly]

Quit hogging the sauce.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, where are our points at at halftime?

[Alex]

All right, after four rounds, I have Big J O Kerson on the board with three points.

[Gas Digital Network]

Nice points.

[Alex]

I have Brian, six with five points.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yes. In your fucking face.

[Alex]

And I have Lewis, Joe DeRosa, and Tim Butterly all tied in the lead with six points each.

[Gas Digital Network]

All right. Within. Within.

[Brian Six]

We're beating you.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah, I know how math works, you fucking loser.

[Brian Six]

Well, wait a minute. Where did Butterly come from? He was. We. How did you just get six points?

[Tim Butterly]

Fucking watch, bro. Tim, take notes.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes, or he just got two.

[Alex]

Tim got questions one, three, and four. Correct. That's where he got his points.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, let's. It's. We're at the halfway point right now, so let's do plugs. Let's go around the table. Tim, what are you plugging? We know you're opening for Shane. We understand.

[Brian Six]

Can we smoke? Can somebody just answer me? Can somebody just answer me? Just say no. Can we smoke? Can we smoke a cigarette?

[Joe DeRosa]

Just smoke. It's so desperate. Please.

[Brian Six]

Oh, yes. Are you a manager? No. You're just a random driver. God damn it.

[Gas Digital Network]

Quit bitching and do it. Yeah. Joe, you fucking pussy.

[Brian Six]

All right, helium. I'm gonna smoke and that might mean I don't work at Charlie. Good night, God.

[Big J Okerson]

Go Burns.

[Joe DeRosa]

Go, Burns. Yeah, Go, Burrs.

[Gas Digital Network]

Only sensible thing I've heard all night.

[Joe DeRosa]

Timmy, do your plugs.

[Gas Digital Network]

I'm gonna smoke.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, yeah, my plug.

[Brian Six]

Sorry.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, Timmy, plugs.

[Tim Butterly]

Watch that meat. Timber show. Metal girl. Solid. Everything on my YouTube channel. I love you. Thank you. That's it. Oh, dojo of comedy. January 11th, come see me. It's gonna be a fucking killer time. Thank you.

[Brian Six]

That's it.

[Joe DeRosa]

Beezer.

[Gas Digital Network]

I'm gonna smoke. Dude, that's my fucking plug. That's literally it. I don't give a.

[Joe DeRosa]

Okay.

[Gas Digital Network]

Talking about, why are we doing plugs? Hey, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

Beezer, Beezer, Beezer, Beezer, Beezer.

[Gas Digital Network]

Let's get back to these pederasts.

[Joe DeRosa]

If we're rolling, rolling. I needed a man like Beezer to do it first.

[Brian Six]

There we go. Now we're all doing it. Give me one of those stooges.

[Gas Digital Network]

Joe's going to be in Boston. Oh, Joe DeRosa will be in Boston, Massachusetts.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes.

[Brian Six]

Somerville, Massachusetts. December 7th. I'm doing my holiday spectacular show. I'm doing my new material. And then my band, Salsa Windfall is also playing. And then.

[Gas Digital Network]

Thank you, Salsa.

[Brian Six]

And then I'll shut up. Six. And then also.

[Gas Digital Network]

That's dubs here.

[Brian Six]

Can I please. And then also, in 2025, January, my new tour, Joystick Tour, starts. Go to Joe Derosa.com for tickets. And if you're in New York, come to Joey Roses and get a home.

[Gas Digital Network]

It's El, Kelly and Tate.

[Joe DeRosa]

Hell yeah. BigJComedy.com for all my dates. Everybody got some fun coming up in Boston and Providence and New Year's Eve. Legion of skanks doing dojo comedy. Also this week, I'm taking my crowd work specials out of Netflix's hands. I'm going to do it on YouTube. I'm going to get it out for. They're taking too long. They're taking too long.

[Big J Okerson]

He's taking it out of their hands.

[Joe DeRosa]

What else? Would you come?

[Gas Digital Network]

You wish. Netflix. Netflix.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, they're taking forever, so.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you're right. Dude, you sure showed them.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, I have no. I have no belief they were gonna buy it, so I don't want to put it out.

[Big J Okerson]

You really stuck it to the man, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

Absolutely.

[Big J Okerson]

Come see me live on the road. The regs at the Gramercy Theater in New York City. If you guys are in New York, me, Bobby, Kelly, Jones and soder. That's on December 11th. December 12th, I'm headlining Dojo of Comedy, Morris Plains New Jersey, EMS Theater, EMS, Pennsylvania, on December 13th. And then I'll be down in Austin at the creaking cave, the 20th through the 22nd brand new tour, the Bring 5 Friends tour, coming to a city near you. That's right. Bring Five Friends, folks. I'll be in Zany's Rosemont in January, North Charleston. I'll be in Naples, Florida. Lots of stuff. Go to my website, louisofskanks.com and make sure you guys subscribe to Gas Digital. If you guys want the uncensored version of the show, the ad free version and pre release.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yay. Fucking yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Whoa. Subscribe to Gas digital dot com. Use the fuck.

[Gas Digital Network]

You're gonna pay for it. Get something. You know what I mean?

[Big J Okerson]

Use the promo code war. Get a promo. Use a promo code war. And you save a buck 50amonth. And it's great. It's really worth it. Anyway, we're done. Oh, and also the guy who gave me the blunt. You gave me a flat ass fucking dickhead. You sat on the blunt, you fucking piece of. I gotta smoke this flat blunt like I'm a cartoon. Like I got ran over by a.

[Joe DeRosa]

Well, let me explain something real quick before we start the final four. The final four stories we have here, you might think that I am out of this because how far behind I am, or there's not enough time for this to shift.

[Big J Okerson]

You're two points behind us.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm three points behind you, four points from winning. But it doesn't matter because the final four stories. Double points.

[Gas Digital Network]

All right.

[Big J Okerson]

You know what? Happy Thanksgiving to everyone in this room.

[Joe DeRosa]

Beezer, I know you're a little distracted tonight. That means before, when you would get one point or two points. You'll now get double points.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yes. What happened?

[Joe DeRosa]

All right, the people have spoken and they love everyone.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone's got to do this when we do. Double points from now on.

[Joe DeRosa]

More fanfare.

[Big J Okerson]

More fan.

[Joe DeRosa]

I want so much fanfare. Lose your goddamn. Everybody. It's double points.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, it does take on my pickle, folks.

[Joe DeRosa]

Alex, story number five.

[Alex]

Story number five. I once flaked on being a pallbearer at my uncle's funeral after getting fucked up at an open mic the night before.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, Beezer, what are you writing? I'll tell you the wisest cousins.

[Tim Butterly]

It was an uncarried casket.

[Joe DeRosa]

Just on the floor. They just dropped it off outside the church. On the floor. Oh, I didn't know that's how pallbearer was spelled.

[Tim Butterly]

It might not be.

[Joe DeRosa]

Well, I thought it was. Paul.

[Big J Okerson]

You thought it Was the name like the undertaker's manager?

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. No, I thought it was Paul.

[Tim Butterly]

Like Paul.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, you thought it was a Paul bear?

[Joe DeRosa]

No, you didn't.

[Gas Digital Network]

Paul Bear.

[Big J Okerson]

You know you didn't. You didn't have to admit that to everybody.

[Joe DeRosa]

I used to be a. I was.

[Gas Digital Network]

A. I used to be from here, you mean. You spelled it like me and tim talk. There's 9U. I'm like, what the Jay's the only first off that Pa Bear.

[Tim Butterly]

The PA bear Jay's got whisker makeup on at the funeral. Oh, me. Then I'm here to paw.

[Big J Okerson]

Bear.

[Joe DeRosa]

It down, please.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yes.

[Joe DeRosa]

This. I mean, come on.

[Gas Digital Network]

I love weed.

[Big J Okerson]

Guys, enjoy that flat blunt.

[Gas Digital Network]

It sucks. Your blunt sucks, dude. Wait, did that guy just tell. Shut the up, Lewis.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Cuz I'm. I'm.

[Gas Digital Network]

I'm trashing in your face.

[Tim Butterly]

Don't ever look a gift retard in the mouth.

[Big J Okerson]

It's insane based.

[Tim Butterly]

Work.

[Joe DeRosa]

You made something of it.

[Gas Digital Network]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

It's also hot from your ass.

[My Bookie]

It's a hot flat blunt.

[Brian Six]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

It feels like a toilet seat.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's at. Son of a.

[Gas Digital Network]

Hell yeah. What's the question?

[Joe DeRosa]

Is this Beezer or not? The answer is yes.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yes, dude. True.

[Big J Okerson]

This could be Butterly, though. Butterly used to have a wild pass, dude.

[Brian Six]

I think it's Butterly.

[Big J Okerson]

And he just did a weird thing when I accuse him. He just kind of got.

[Tim Butterly]

What do you mean weird pass?

[Big J Okerson]

You got bashful, dude.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah, nice. Weird pass got bashful.

[Big J Okerson]

And now you're just repeating things over and over again.

[Joe DeRosa]

Wait a second.

[Gas Digital Network]

I'm trying to get in your head, bro. Don't let him do it.

[Brian Six]

I think it's butter.

[Joe DeRosa]

Tim is deflecting a bit and I do now I'm already locked in.

[Gas Digital Network]

What the fuck?

[Brian Six]

I think it's Butterly because it's just the right amount of dirt ball.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, but not too. Still a good boy. He didn't need to.

[Brian Six]

And I think, like, that is a.

[Tim Butterly]

Nice way to think of me.

[Brian Six]

Yeah.

[Gas Digital Network]

All right, let's unveil just the right.

[Tim Butterly]

Amount of dirt ball. Actually, I'm keep. I'm keeping that.

[Gas Digital Network]

All right, here we go. What side we starting from? This side?

[Joe DeRosa]

Well, there's no side we start from. We just vote Whenever.

[Big J Okerson]

Tim Butterfly.

[Gas Digital Network]

Wow.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's without the F. Oh, you might.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yes, of course. You have me up, dude. What the.

[Tim Butterly]

I'm sorry.

[Gas Digital Network]

It's obviously in theory. I've done everything on this show.

[Joe DeRosa]

Dude.

[Tim Butterly]

I don't even read in the Beezer verse. This Is probably a pretty common occurrence.

[Gas Digital Network]

That's legitimately open mic night.

[Big J Okerson]

Who gives a Every Beezer and every version of Beezer in every universe does this locals funeral.

[Gas Digital Network]

You wish.

[Joe DeRosa]

Dude.

[Gas Digital Network]

Are you showing up for that? I'm doing something probably. I don't know who you vote for. What? Oh, it's my turn. I voted for Joe the reliable Derosa.

[Joe DeRosa]

Everybody's locked in. Alex.

[Alex]

That was Tim Butterly. Everyone.

[Gas Digital Network]

Damn it. I knew it was.

[Joe DeRosa]

Fuck. I'm wrong so much, Joe.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, Tim. Tim's poker face let him fail them there.

[Tim Butterly]

Not my proudest moment. Obviously. I always wanted to be a pallbearer, you know, But I also don't like going to funerals very much. And I got fucked up and went up late at an open mic and fucking sucked my own dick. And I went to bed at 3:30 and I sat and I looked at my alarm on my phone and I said I'm going to wake up when this goes off and I'm going to get there on time and no one's going to notice that I'm still fucked up. And I did not wake up when the alarm went off. And I only woke up when my aunt Nancy called me ten times. Aunt Nance, really.

[Big J Okerson]

She was like, they're dragging one end of this casket down the street.

[Joe DeRosa]

They got that thing's up like on hydraulics like a fucking trike. Just dragging the corners. All wood, all the woods chipping.

[Tim Butterly]

So I had meant to put my suit in the dryer to de wrinkle it the day before and I never got around to it. And I woke up at the moment I had to leave. So I threw on a wrinkly suit, no tie.

[Gas Digital Network]

Classic.

[Joe DeRosa]

Nice. Dude, you're going dancing.

[Tim Butterly]

Totally, totally fucked up. Got there and I.

[Gas Digital Network]

Sorry for your loss.

[Tim Butterly]

So I missed the ceremony. They had to like look around for a strong cousin at church.

[Joe DeRosa]

And then I called the guy my.

[Tim Butterly]

Cousin played in the gravel when I got to the cemetery and I ran on out onto the grass and as they're pulling the casket out of the hearse, I tagged out my cousin and I got under it.

[Joe DeRosa]

Nice.

[Gas Digital Network]

I know it all too well.

[Joe DeRosa]

Smooth.

[Tim Butterly]

I look like Herman Munster.

[Joe DeRosa]

Left, left, left, right, left.

[Tim Butterly]

And. And dropped Uncle Jimmy into the earth.

[Big J Okerson]

Honestly, they should just use a refrigerator dolly. Why are they having people carry it? It seems like a pretty inefficient way to move something.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

And then like the black delivery guy has like a method of getting it on there that no one trusts at first.

[Gas Digital Network]

The black delivery guy?

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

I want A black delivery guy to destroy my uncle's casket. Taking it off of a truck?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, dude, those guys look at it. They'll get it in windows. They'll.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, and then you call the store, you get 70 bucks back.

[Joe DeRosa]

No.

[Gas Digital Network]

Whoa. Now we're talking. Dude. Now we're talking.

[Tim Butterly]

Now you're making money.

[Gas Digital Network]

I gotta download an app or something.

[Joe DeRosa]

Bro, it's just a phone call, man. Double points could have thrown this whole thing into upheaval. Where do we get.

[Gas Digital Network]

We complain about.

[Alex]

This is a crazy game, you guys. I have Big J with three points off.

[Gas Digital Network]

What do you. Jay?

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, look at them all.

[Tim Butterly]

Sounds like a normal game.

[Joe DeRosa]

They're all laughing like, Carrie, I'm trying to set this place on fire.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, no, it's only working on his hair.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm concentrating too hard.

[Big J Okerson]

You trying to carry helium?

[Joe DeRosa]

Trying to fire start.

[Tim Butterly]

Feel like a new guitar player.

[Big J Okerson]

Like.

[Tim Butterly]

Wait, hold on, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Joe DeRosa]

I got this. I got this, I got this.

[Big J Okerson]

Go ahead, Alex.

[Alex]

All right, I have Brian, six with five points.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes.

[Gas Digital Network]

Dude. Yes.

[Alex]

And in the lead with 10 points each, I have Tim Butterly, Joe Derosa, and Louis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

And I will say we haven't really worked out how to break ties.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's dicey rules.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a little weird.

[Tim Butterly]

Three minute grappling match, no GI rules.

[Gas Digital Network]

Duh.

[Big J Okerson]

I was thinking maybe an amateur boxing competition.

[Joe DeRosa]

Ooh, that sounds nice. I talked to the commissioner.

[Tim Butterly]

You just want to hang out with gay Jason Ellis again.

[Joe DeRosa]

Ow.

[Big J Okerson]

Eee.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh.

[Gas Digital Network]

Oh.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's a big guy.

[Gas Digital Network]

Ew.

[Joe DeRosa]

Ew.

[Brian Six]

Eh, tamed.

[Joe DeRosa]

It.

[Gas Digital Network]

Used to be a pro skater.

[Joe DeRosa]

Thank you for dc.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah, he was a dog shit fucking bird skater for a while. Nice half pipe.

[Joe DeRosa]

Heck no.

[Tim Butterly]

He. Stop. No, that's my friend. You don't say that about him.

[Joe DeRosa]

What the hell?

[Tim Butterly]

He cares about me so much. He tells me all the time.

[My Bookie]

Okay, let's take a quick moment and talk about our latest sponsor, which is IP Vanish. I'll tell you right now, we're talking.

[Joe DeRosa]

To you human traffickers.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no, no, no, we're not. I don't want to know who I'm talking to.

[Joe DeRosa]

Right?

[Big J Okerson]

You know what?

[My Bookie]

Whatever you're doing online is your business. What websites you're visiting. What if you want to hide your IP address, if you want to hide your identity, if you're worried about hackers and people fucking stealing your identity, or if you simply want to just buy a. On the.

[Joe DeRosa]

Who knows?

[My Bookie]

Ipvanish is the website. IPvanish.com. it ensures fast, unrestricted Internet. It gets you around any online sensors that you may face.

[Joe DeRosa]

Louis, if I got IP vanish, could I order Covid bat soup?

[Big J Okerson]

Probably.

[Joe DeRosa]

Noice.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice.

[My Bookie]

Your real IP address disappears, so you cannot be tracked online. If you're on public WI fi, they protect you from hackers, which is a big deal.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm so.

[Joe DeRosa]

Every time I go, what do you mean, government? I'm not looking up. Are you out of your mind? Show me that on my ip. I can't because it's gone.

[Big J Okerson]

They also.

[My Bookie]

They also offer secure file management, so you can back up and encrypt all of your files right now. So right now, just go to ipvanish.com. they have different packages with affordable pricing and.

[Joe DeRosa]

Louis, which hand do you think my IP's in?

[Big J Okerson]

Right there?

[Joe DeRosa]

Nope.

[Big J Okerson]

Whoa.

[Joe DeRosa]

Look, it wasn't IP vanished. It vanished. Wait. Dude, it was behind your ear.

[Big J Okerson]

That's how mad that joke made that person stop. Stop it. Stop it right now. Stop it.

[Joe DeRosa]

That was crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

You don't need to do that.

[My Bookie]

So right now, go to IPVanish.com, use.

[Big J Okerson]

The promo code WARZ.

[My Bookie]

When you check out, that's W A R, Z. They're gonna give you an additional 10% off. They already have crazy savings and affordable packages for everybody. So once Again, that is IPVanish.com to start protecting yourself online today.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my Lord.

[Gas Digital Network]

And with this next story.

[Joe DeRosa]

Story number six. Number seven.

[Gas Digital Network]

Six.

[Alex]

Story number six.

[Gas Digital Network]

Vincent, can I just get another one of those drinks?

[Alex]

One time, I got a rub and tug, and when the masseuse left the room to get a hot towel, I stole the money back that she had stupidly left on the table in front of me.

[Big J Okerson]

Stupid.

[Joe DeRosa]

Lewis. Lewis. Lewis.

[Gas Digital Network]

Lewis. Lewis. Lewis. Lewis.

[Joe DeRosa]

Talk amongst yourselves. This is void of 100% class.

[Tim Butterly]

When we were in Kansas City, Lewis took me to get a foot massage, and he did the same thing.

[Joe DeRosa]

Whatever level of degradation, he's taking that money back if he can.

[Brian Six]

I'm just going to vote now so I can go pee without question.

[Big J Okerson]

The word. The word stupidly is making me think it's six.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's why I think it's you. That's almost specifically why I think it's you.

[Big J Okerson]

Really?

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. This dumb chick stupidly left the money on the table after she whacked me off. Can you stay in this country?

[Big J Okerson]

Can you read this in my voice?

[Joe DeRosa]

One time, I got a rub and tug, and when the masseuse left the room to get a hot towel, I stole my money back that she had stupidly left on the table in front of Me?

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Gas Digital Network]

You're. When you put it like that, you're dude. You're dude. You know, dude, it's Lewis. What about back? But what about Joe Gomez?

[Joe DeRosa]

Take back.

[Gas Digital Network]

What about Jeff Lewis, the take back Gomez? I said you see it? What a loser.

[Tim Butterly]

Don't leave me hanging after I'm giving it up.

[Gas Digital Network]

Those take back losers knuckle pounce him for everybody, please.

[Tim Butterly]

What's your problem, dude? Thank you.

[Gas Digital Network]

I didn't know that, bro. I'm knee deep in him.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, I was going to say dude, you are.

[Gas Digital Network]

I'm in this ship right now, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

I can't believe you guys all just gave somebody all these points.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, ourselves by guessing. Right, Alex, tell us the obvious.

[Alex]

That was Lewis J. Yeah.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

I didn't even know the story. I just know the man.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, thank you. Thank you, guys. This was weeks ago.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, man, I believe you.

[Big J Okerson]

This was way back then. No, this was a long time ago. And yeah, this fucking dumb bitch.

[Gas Digital Network]

Here we go.

[Big J Okerson]

Never your problem to leave the room and then leave the money on the table. I was like, well, I have to try to take this money back.

[Gas Digital Network]

You are disgusting.

[Big J Okerson]

It was amateur hours. Her first day at the job.

[Tim Butterly]

It was her first day out of the shipping container.

[Big J Okerson]

I. I taught her a lesson. The lesson that I taught her was way more valuable than the $120 that I took back.

[Brian Six]

Was it Lewis?

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah, obviously it was Lewis.

[Joe DeRosa]

It was 100% Louis from the get go. Ooh, look who got a little bit of points. He's there.

[Gas Digital Network]

Alex, why you put my name premeditated on your board, dude?

[Joe DeRosa]

He knew he was going to try to throw it too. Please, Alex.

[Alex]

All right, on the board I have Big J Okerson with seven points.

[Gas Digital Network]

Whoa.

[Alex]

Brian. Six with nine points.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yes. In your face. Dude. We're not doing it regular order.

[Alex]

I have Louis J. Gomez with 10 points.

[Gas Digital Network]

That's more than me.

[Alex]

And I have Joe DeRosa and Tim Butterly tied in the lead with 14 points.

[Gas Digital Network]

Oh, wait, how are you listing these?

[Big J Okerson]

Anybody's game still.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm coming from Most Most likely.

[Gas Digital Network]

Not have to have a kid. Just nailed it.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, story number seven, Alex.

[Joe DeRosa]

We got a hill to climb.

[Alex]

Story number seven.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm pissed.

[Alex]

Me and my friend used to hit a karaoke bar in Chinatown and organize rap battles between Asian wiggers.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's Butterly or Beezer for Butterly or Beezer.

[Gas Digital Network]

Clearly you.

[Tim Butterly]

Please, dude, do not waste your points on me.

[Joe DeRosa]

Well, let me tell you who's. Let me tell you who's quietly laying back Here a little bit. Joe liked to get in to rap.

[Big J Okerson]

Battles, and Joe was a wigger.

[Gas Digital Network]

Joe, you're wig Joe would go to karaoke bars.

[Brian Six]

Chinese.

[Gas Digital Network]

No, See, you supposed he's adopted so.

[Big J Okerson]

He could be Chinese.

[Joe DeRosa]

Here's why I think it's sick, because all of them.

[Brian Six]

The word organizes in there.

[Joe DeRosa]

Would g. He's got the ball bag to go up and just start gathering Asians and.

[Gas Digital Network]

Oh, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

Forcing them in the rap.

[Gas Digital Network]

So easy, though. I'm not saying I did that. I'm just saying gave it away.

[Brian Six]

He said, it's so easy.

[Tim Butterly]

It's also. It's also easy to imagine the real version of this story being six at a Chinatown bar going, you guys should rap. And then ignoring it.

[Big J Okerson]

And everyone's just like.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm organizing this.

[Tim Butterly]

You know the noise that they make.

[Big J Okerson]

There was no rap battle. There was just six hammers.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yo, Rat, this could be Butterly. I'm thinking Butterly or Joe now.

[Brian Six]

Now I'm telling you. This is. This is six organizes the giveaway. I'm really serious, dude. Look how defensive you're getting.

[Joe DeRosa]

I say, by the way, my writing.

[Big J Okerson]

Is lovely because it's your story.

[Tim Butterly]

Don't. No, listen. I have a deep respect for Asian wiggers, and I hold them close to my heart, man.

[Joe DeRosa]

I think that's true. I think you want to see a battle. That's why I voted for you. No.

[Gas Digital Network]

Come on.

[Tim Butterly]

I would never embarrass myself like that. I would say, please, guys, tell me. I'm cool. Give me your cocaine.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, but I think you have the will to make a buddy laugh. You'll go for it a little bit like that. This does this. This smelled a beezer to me. But I'm playing the odds that I'm.

[Tim Butterly]

Trying to help you, man.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm going beezer. Let's go. This is it. Finally. It's gonna be him.

[Joe DeRosa]

Lewis, by the way, someone should give you credit. Be the three plus three equals six.

[Gas Digital Network]

Lewis is like, I do math.

[Big J Okerson]

But.

[Tim Butterly]

I can't answer who the is Security.

[Big J Okerson]

If somebody starts booing violently, remove them. What are we.

[Gas Digital Network]

That I know.

[Big J Okerson]

Take over that security.

[Gas Digital Network]

Give them free drinks.

[Big J Okerson]

No, dude, that's not the way it works.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's not story wars.

[Big J Okerson]

All of them.

[Gas Digital Network]

This is just up to me now.

[Joe DeRosa]

Go birds. You're the last vote.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, yo, say yourself and get a point.

[Gas Digital Network]

Obviously, dude. Obviously it's me.

[Brian Six]

Oh.

[Gas Digital Network]

Obviously, dude. We used to get him to rap all the time. It was so funny. This one did, dude. We kept calling him Raiden because we Were like, yeah. I swear to God, cuz. We were like, dude, this guy's got lightning, bro. And he was like, yeah. And all you go, I swear to God, my buddy Bone does a way better impression. He goes, that's when he pulls down the lightning, bro. I go, they both sucked. He goes, yeah, dude, I definitely called immigration on the whole club when we left.

[Tim Butterly]

Yo, do the Asian rap one more time.

[Gas Digital Network]

What?

[Tim Butterly]

Here's a joke from almost no one that sounds like the Onion guy from Parappa the rapper.

[Gas Digital Network]

All right, there you go.

[Joe DeRosa]

I. For being a host and semi creator of this show, I'm bad at this game, man. Yeah, I've been having a rough.

[Brian Six]

Yeah, you're terrible at it.

[Tim Butterly]

You're losing your touch, man.

[Gas Digital Network]

Wait, what was it again? You guys have a. You have 11 wins.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, collectively we're 13.

[Gas Digital Network]

You're gay, dude. Nobody has 11 wins.

[Big J Okerson]

We have a combined record of 13 and four.

[Gas Digital Network]

I feel like you don't have that many wins.

[Joe DeRosa]

Thank you.

[Gas Digital Network]

You're not. Neither one of you are good at this.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, Lewis, No. I'm excellent, by the way. Lewis. Lewis was in the hunt still.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah, Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Starting to eat.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm.

[Joe DeRosa]

What's our scores look like, Alex?

[Brian Six]

This is six.

[Tim Butterly]

Eight's gonna be big, man.

[Gas Digital Network]

Shut up, Joe.

[Brian Six]

You wrote that it was you on your side. You wrote that it was you and your sign.

[Tim Butterly]

He already told Joking off his dick.

[Big J Okerson]

Joe, how drunk are you?

[Brian Six]

What?

[Gas Digital Network]

Hello? This guy.

[Joe DeRosa]

Do you not know? The bees are already told the entire story.

[Brian Six]

We've been having a few drinks for a little while.

[Joe DeRosa]

Joey, Rapper impression from the guy. Ra.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yo, Joey D's drunk as Alex. Loser.

[Big J Okerson]

Joe's hammered the show.

[Joe DeRosa]

These are told an entire story about this. Thank you.

[Tim Butterly]

He was busy jerking off. His penis blacked out.

[Gas Digital Network]

Put your head through that wall, dude. Or don't talk to me.

[Joe DeRosa]

Beezer, answer. It's me. And they. And then he did a whole impression of the. Of the.

[Brian Six]

I've been tuned out since we got tuned up, bro.

[Gas Digital Network]

Tuned up.

[Brian Six]

Can we smoke?

[Gas Digital Network]

No. Big one.

[Brian Six]

Kidding. I'm joking, joking, joking.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, where are points at?

[Alex]

All right on the board, in last place with seven points, I have Big J. O. Yeah.

[Gas Digital Network]

Way to go, big J. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Two wins.

[Brian Six]

Suck ass at this dude.

[Alex]

In fourth place with 11 points, I have Brian. Six.

[Gas Digital Network]

That sounds good, dude. That sounds pretty good.

[Alex]

In third place with 14 points, I have Louis J. Gomez.

[Gas Digital Network]

That's bullshit.

[Alex]

And tied for first place right now.

[Gas Digital Network]

Are you shitting me? You two assholes, shut up.

[Brian Six]

Let her say who's in the lead with.

[Alex]

Let me guess, with 18 points each, I have Tim Butterly and Drunk Joe De Rosa.

[Joe DeRosa]

Let her say Joe guessed who it was and fucking checked out.

[Gas Digital Network]

That's how smart Joe is. Like, wait, let her tell you.

[Brian Six]

This is in my blood.

[Gas Digital Network]

What? Comic it is.

[Joe DeRosa]

Guys, guys, before you think this.

[Gas Digital Network]

All right, let's go.

[Joe DeRosa]

This last story means nothing. David Feldman's writing is witty and often irreverent, using humor to explore some of the more unusual or misunderstood aspects of the animal kingdom. The title question is a perfect example of the kind of amusing curiosity the book tackles. Penguins do have knees, but the structure of their bodies and the way they move makes the fact less obvious. Also, Louis, keep in mind here, if the next story is mine or some kind of crazy thing could happen, what could happen with the score?

[Big J Okerson]

You can play giant killer. Yeah.

[Brian Six]

And I also want to say I think the last story was six.

[Gas Digital Network]

Shut up, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

I gotta tell you, I'm leaning towards Bri on this one.

[Brian Six]

I gotta tell you, I'm leaning in towards this guy. I think it was him.

[Big J Okerson]

That's the thing.

[Gas Digital Network]

Nice table, Joe.

[Big J Okerson]

Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ, Joe, chill.

[Gas Digital Network]

Jesus Christ. What's that about? I didn't do that. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Joe DeRosa]

Why did you hold it up, Joe? You piece of shit.

[Gas Digital Network]

Oops.

[Joe DeRosa]

Guy moves to Austin once.

[Gas Digital Network]

Although you thought you could walk into Philly and just be cool.

[Joe DeRosa]

Guys, can we keep.

[Gas Digital Network]

Joe's a Nazi, by the way. He's an adopted Nazi, just so everyone knows. Nice try, Diddy.

[Joe DeRosa]

Alex. Story number eight.

[Big J Okerson]

Final story, folks.

[Alex]

Story number eight. On a date. I once asked a woman to give me half of the money for the dinner I had already paid for when she told me she wasn't romantically interested in me.

[Gas Digital Network]

God, that's such a hacky bullshit. Such a hacky right side table answer.

[Joe DeRosa]

You think so? You think so?

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah. That's for a minute.

[Tim Butterly]

I think it's.

[Gas Digital Network]

I think it's not me. It's not me. I don't know.

[Joe DeRosa]

I live with the Rosa for a while. This sounds like a younger derosa. All day longy.

[Gas Digital Network]

Actually, Alex, you repeat the card again. One more time, please.

[Alex]

It's in front of you on a date. I once asked a woman to give me half of the money for the dinner I had already paid for when she told me she wasn't romantic interested in me.

[Gas Digital Network]

I know it's Jay. I know it's Jay. You're already talking out of turn.

[Brian Six]

I think this is butterly disgusting. I think this is butterly because butterly.

[Big J Okerson]

You Think it's Butterly Cop his wife when he was 11 years old.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, because here's why.

[Brian Six]

Dirtball stories skirt right up against being terrible. But they're not too terrible, you know?

[Gas Digital Network]

I know Joe.

[Joe DeRosa]

Now this is pretty.

[Big J Okerson]

Look at Joe's.

[Gas Digital Network]

You know? I know.

[Big J Okerson]

Look at Joe's sincerity. You, Joe. It's you, you piece of.

[Joe DeRosa]

You, Joe.

[Big J Okerson]

Sick of your fucking horseshit. Sincerity. Fuck off.

[Tim Butterly]

You think I.

[Gas Digital Network]

Hold on.

[Tim Butterly]

You think I've ever actually understood a woman's romantic interest in me?

[Joe DeRosa]

Fuck that.

[Brian Six]

It's Butterly.

[Big J Okerson]

No, it's not.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah, man.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. Dude. No way.

[Gas Digital Network]

This is screams of Joey Splitzy. Joey Split Cetera.

[Brian Six]

Wait a minute.

[Gas Digital Network]

In your face. Joey Splitsy. Joey Splitsy.

[Joe DeRosa]

Hold on.

[Gas Digital Network]

Is everybody voting Whatever that says?

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes, this is definitely you.

[Gas Digital Network]

Let me see.

[Brian Six]

Oh, this is Butterly.

[Gas Digital Network]

No, this is sexy. Butterly's been dating the same girl since seventh grade. What are you talking about? Dude, you can't come into this city and act like we don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

Six. Six. Don't, don't, don't. Are you. Are you voting for Joe Six?

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah, I already put it on there.

[Big J Okerson]

We gotta put it in the thing.

[Gas Digital Network]

Oh, you saw it?

[Brian Six]

Write it down, moron.

[Joe DeRosa]

I've seen Joe give a girl fucking. Who needs you anyway?

[Big J Okerson]

Are you fucking retarded?

[Gas Digital Network]

It looks like Derosa's resume.

[Joe DeRosa]

Come on.

[Gas Digital Network]

What are we doing, dude? What are we doing?

[Brian Six]

You know what? Go fuck yourselves.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah, you better call Saul, you loser. He got your ass. Your ass.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone votes for Joe. Joe votes for Butterly.

[Alex]

Alex, that was Joe Derosa.

[Joe DeRosa]

Joe will classically put his foot down with a lady.

[Gas Digital Network]

Joe the Split. Joey the Split.

[Tim Butterly]

Now hold on a second.

[Big J Okerson]

So what happened here?

[Brian Six]

It was so me that when she read it, I was like, you're goddamn right. I asked her for the money back. It was so hard. It was so hard.

[Gas Digital Network]

She wasn't romantically interested in me. What a loser. What are you talking about? Romantically interested for out to a nice. You're like, oh, I love you. You pay for your own skates. Do you imagine how shitty your life is? But then Joe walks in, you're like, this is where I turn it around. What are you, nuts? Disgusting. Oh, I fucking puke on myself. I wish I could.

[Joe DeRosa]

What was the place? Where was the place you were at?

[Gas Digital Network]

Joe was actually a really good looking kid, too.

[Brian Six]

It's like Applebee's.

[Gas Digital Network]

Applebee's?

[Brian Six]

It was a long time ago.

[Joe DeRosa]

Sure. You asked her to go half season Applebee's. It's pretty funny.

[Brian Six]

Six Has a good point. Her life sucks.

[Gas Digital Network]

Obviously. It sucks, dude. I know. What kind of this was, dude, Disgusting. Was Potts Town, dude. Gross ass. Yo, you're disgusting all. Yes.

[Joe DeRosa]

She went to O.J.

[Brian Six]

Roberts.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah, dude, Chester County.

[Brian Six]

Yeah. So we'll give me half of the money back then.

[Big J Okerson]

Joe is unique.

[Gas Digital Network]

Those clothes are you loser.

[Joe DeRosa]

What did she say?

[Gas Digital Network]

No, give me the money back.

[Joe DeRosa]

She go. That's fair.

[Brian Six]

No, I was. I was. I was very young at the time.

[Gas Digital Network]

Yeah. And retarded. Add that. Add that.

[Brian Six]

I. Jesus Christ.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Gas Digital Network]

No, this guy. What the fuck is. What are you yelling at? This script that's like Joker's uncle. Uncle Jokey over here, dude. It's not. I'm gonna unplug them.

[Brian Six]

What can I say at this point?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it's okay. What are the points, Alex? It's fine.

[Joe DeRosa]

What's our final scores?

[Big J Okerson]

Final scores. Alex, I won.

[Gas Digital Network]

Obviously, I won.

[Alex]

All right, our final scores. I have Big J oerson in last place with 11 points.

[Gas Digital Network]

What? Yo, J oerson. Eleven.

[Alex]

I have Brian, six. In fourth place with 15 points, the winner.

[Gas Digital Network]

Thank you so much.

[Alex]

I have Lewis and Joe De rosa tied with 18 points each.

[Joe DeRosa]

Damn it.

[Gas Digital Network]

Bots did it.

[Alex]

And with 22 points, our winner tonight, Tim Butterly.

[Gas Digital Network]

You should just clap your pants into a speech.

[Tim Butterly]

Well, retards, you fell right into my trap, into living a living a life of virtue. So almost none of my stories got picked. Maybe take a look N word after this.

[Big J Okerson]

And take a look n words.

[Tim Butterly]

Say 5n words. My son and I absolve you of your loss. The Tim Butterly v. Lewis winning streak continues.

[Big J Okerson]

Damn.

[Joe DeRosa]

Damn. Tim Butterly, you got your picture on the wall of an honorary Story Warrior, everybody. Tim Butterworth is a Story Warrior, officially. Can we get a big round of applause for everybody who came up on stage tonight. Tim Butterly, Brian Beezer, 6. The great Joey Derosa. I'm Big Jay Elkerson. This is the Puerto Rican rattlesnake, Luis A. Gomez from the Story Warriors. We'll catch you next time, right here on Story Wars. Thank you, Philadelphia.

[Big J Okerson]

Love you guys.