023. Ari Shaffir, Aaron Berg, & Chris Faga | New Beginnings

Summary

Story Warz Episode 023: Ari Shaffir, Aaron Berg, & Chris Faga | New Beginnings

Hosted by GaS Digital Network

Welcome to Episode 023 of Story Warz: A Game of Deceptive Storytelling, hosted by the dynamic duo from GaS Digital Network, Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez. In this New Year’s Day special, recorded live from The Stand Comedy Club in New York City, the hosts welcome three renowned guests: comedian and podcast host Ari Shaffir, hilarious Aaron Berg, and the ever-energetic Chris Faga. Together, they dive into the competitive and comedic world of Story Warz, centered around the episode’s theme: New Beginnings.

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Introduction and Setup

The episode kicks off with the hosts exchanging New Year’s greetings and playful banter about the night’s tight seating arrangement. Big Jay opens the show by introducing the guests, highlighting Aaron Berg as the host of Frantic and Chris Faga from High Society Radio and Notes of a Goon. Ari Shaffir is acknowledged as an "official story warrior," having won the game before.

Notable Quote:

• Big Jay Oakerson [00:52]: “Everyone, you came on a great night, everyone. It is the new year 2025.”

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Explaining the Game

Big Jay and Luis outline the rules of Story Warz, emphasizing the challenge of distinguishing between true and deceptive stories submitted by each participant. Each panelist submits three to five stories on the given subject (“New Beginnings”), and the goal is to either fool others with a fabricated story or correctly identify the origin of someone else’s tale.

Key Points:

• Submission Process: All five participants submit stories related to the theme.
• Gameplay Mechanics: Participants guess the authors of the stories, earning points for correct guesses and for successfully deceiving others.
• Scoring System: Correct guesses award two points, while fooling others grants one point per person fooled.

Notable Quote:

• Luis J. Gomez [04:15]: “If you guess the correct story, you get two points. And for every person you fool, you get one point.”

---

Gameplay: Round One – New Beginnings Stories

Story 1: Transition to a New School

Ari Shaffir kicks off the game with a story about transferring to a "Dangerous Minds type of high school" after being expelled for smoking hash, highlighting his supposed proficiency in Spanish. The panelists quickly engage in humorous skepticism, with Luis suspecting it might be Chris Faga due to the exaggerated nature of the tale.

Notable Quotes:

• Luis J. Gomez [07:33]: “This is not me. Aaron is a boring old man. He doesn't smoke weed.”
• Big Jay Oakerson [08:03]: “You think I got kicked out of school smoking hash?”

Analysis: The panel debates the plausibility based on their personal histories, ultimately deducing that the story likely belongs to Aaron Berg, given his Brooklyn Technical High School background and drug-related experiences.

Story 2: Relocating for a Relationship

The second story involves moving to a new city specifically to pursue a romantic relationship with a black woman. The panel engages in a playful yet pointed discussion about the motivations behind such a move, with suspicions pointing towards either Ari or Chris based on their backgrounds and personal experiences.

Notable Quotes:

• Big Jay Oakerson [17:19]: “The city I was raised in had no black people. And then we had to move to the new city to find a black chick.”
• Luis J. Gomez [20:16]: “Did you ever do it?”

Analysis: The group scrutinizes the authenticity of the motivations, considering their own dating histories and regional demographics. Ultimately, Luis votes for Ari Shaffir, suggesting a deeper layer of deception.

Story 3: First Anal Experience

The third story narrates a first-time anal experience that went awry when the partner ran out of the room crying after a problematic attempt. The panelists dissect the story, analyzing each participant's likelihood based on their personal anecdotes and comfort levels with such narratives.

Notable Quotes:

• Big Jay Oakerson [28:57]: “Everyone's locked in. Alex.”
• Luis J. Gomez [32:32]: “He moved out originally. I was 16.”

Analysis: Through humorous and candid discussion, the panel concludes that Big Jay is the most probable author, given the detailed and somewhat exaggerated nature of the story.

Story 4: Starting a Job Amid Surgery

This round features a story about starting a new job despite knowing one would undergo surgery and be off their feet for six weeks. The panel evaluates the plausibility based on their own job histories and understanding of professional commitments.

Notable Quotes:

• Luis J. Gomez [41:13]: “Have you ever had a surgery?”
• Ari Shafir [42:24]: “I started a new job and was hired despite the boss knowing I was scheduled for surgery.”

Analysis: The panel identifies the story with Luis J. Gomez, referencing his multiple surgeries and demanding job expectations.

Story 5: New Year’s Eve High School Party Disaster

The fifth story recounts a disastrous New Year’s Eve party where excessive drinking led to vomiting red velvet cake on an expensive carpet. The panelists debate the authenticity and personal connections to determine the genuine author.

Notable Quotes:

• Luis J. Gomez [55:12]: “I grew up in trashy Rockland.”
• Big Jay Oakerson [57:02]: “He killed his mom.”

Analysis: Given the chaotic and humorous elements of the story, the panel concludes that the story belongs to Luis J. Gomez, aligning with his self-deprecating humor and personal history.

Story 6: False Report of Burning at Midnight

The sixth story involves a false report to the cops about burning someone alive at a New Year’s party, leading to police intervention. The panel uses observational humor and personal anecdotes to deduce the likely storyteller.

Notable Quotes:

• Big Jay Oakerson [63:06]: “It was a noise complaint.”
• Chris Faga [64:37]: “This smells like Ari.”

Analysis: Through a mix of logic and banter, the panel identifies Ari Shaffir as the author, given his penchant for wild and exaggerated stories.

Story 7: First Blow Job with a Jewish Girl Named Pam Shapiro

The penultimate story details a first-time blow job attempt with a Jewish girl named Pam Shapiro, characterized by lack of wetness and subsequent disappointment. The panel engages in a mix of humor and stereotyping to parse out the true author.

Notable Quotes:

• Luis J. Gomez [74:40]: “You're talking about a Jewish girl, which is Jay.”
• Chris Faga [75:58]: “He grew up with Jews.”

Analysis: The combination of personal experiences and cultural references leads the panel to conclude that Chris Faga is the likely storyteller behind this anecdote.

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Double Points and Game Dynamics

Midway through the episode, the hosts introduce a game twist: Double Points. This rule change allows participants to earn two points for each correct guess, intensifying the competitive atmosphere.

Notable Quote:

• Big Jay Oakerson [52:17]: “What happens is everything changes to double points.”

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Final Story and Conclusion

In the final round, Story 8, the narrative revolves around a first-time strip club experience that ends with wrongful police intervention following an intense encounter. The panel leverages cumulative insights and humor to determine the final author.

Notable Quotes:

• Chris Faga [72:40]: “It was a noise complaint.”
• Big Jay Oakerson [84:00]: “Aaron Berg, you are officially a story warrior, my friend.”

Outcome: Through a series of deductions and humorous exchanges, Aaron Berg emerges victorious, earning the title of "Story Warrior" for his compelling and deceptive storytelling prowess.

Final Scores:

• Luis J. Gomez: 19 points
• Aaron Berg: 18 points
• Ari Shaffir: 16 points
• Big Jay Oakerson: 14 points
• Chris Faga: 12 points

Notable Conclusion:

• Big Jay Oakerson [83:14]: “Aaron Berg, you're taking home Shadow of Death. With sharp character development and an intense, fast-paced plot, Shadow of Death is a compelling thriller that combines elements of medical suspense, mystery, and psychological drama.”

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Key Highlights and Insights

• Humorous Deception: The episode thrives on the comedic interplay between truth and deception, with guests skillfully crafting believable yet fabricated stories.
• Camaraderie and Banter: The dynamic between Big Jay, Luis, and the guests fosters an engaging and entertaining atmosphere, characterized by sharp wit and playful teasing.
• Cultural References and Stereotypes: The panel often leverages cultural stereotypes and personal backgrounds to dissect and challenge the authenticity of each story, adding depth and humor to the discussions.
• Competitive Spirit: The introduction of Double Points intensifies the competition, pushing participants to strategize and engage more intensely in guessing and storytelling.

Notable Quotes:

• Ari Shaffir [82:10]: “Thank you. It was fun just to be here. Allah Akbar.”
• Luis J. Gomez [83:15]: “Everybody’s game.”

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Conclusion

Episode 023 of Story Warz delivers a robust blend of humor, competition, and engaging storytelling. With New Year’s themed stories, the panelists navigate the fine line between truth and deception, ultimately crowning Aaron Berg as the night’s champion. The lively interactions and sharp comedic exchanges make this episode a must-listen for fans seeking both entertainment and the thrill of the game.

Don’t Miss Next Episode: Stay tuned for more episodes of Story Warz, where the stakes are high, the stories are wild, and the laughter is nonstop. Whether you’re a seasoned listener or new to the show, each episode promises fresh insights, hilarious moments, and the irresistible charm of the GaS Digital Network hosts and their illustrious guests.

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Note: This summary focuses solely on the content of the game and discussions, excluding advertisement, intros, and outros as per the guidelines.

Transcript

[Big J Okerson]

Fill her up. You're listening to the GAS Digital Network.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Ladies and gentlemen, It's Story wars with the Story Warriors, Big J Okerson and Lewis. J. Go. What is up? How we doing, New York City?

[Big J Okerson]

Happy New Year.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Happy New Year. What a show. Why is so tight up here today? What do we do differently?

[Big J Okerson]

Is the tables are pushed back further?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't know. Well, anyway.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, anywho, everyone, you came on a great night, everyone. It is the new year 2025.

[Luis J. Gomez]

New year, new me.

[Big J Okerson]

I can see this crowd's already kept up with the resolutions, double fisting pizzas and shit.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I mean, the crowd is thinning out, but not the ones that are in here.

[Big J Okerson]

This is a very special New Year's Day show, everyone. We have everybody here familiar with Story wars, by the way, before we even get this thing started. Yeah, beautiful. Let's get this thing fucking going here. Three amazing guests joining us up here on the panel today. Our first, everybody. You know, I'm from being the host here of Frantic right here at the stand, everybody. Every Monday night, make some noise for the hilarious Aaron Berg, everybody.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And your. Your second guest puts the high in. Liam. Put it up. Give you. Put it. Clap.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, you were so excited about it. Damn, dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I didn't think about anything except for the joke I got.

[Big J Okerson]

So I am a high. I'm Flumble Ops, Nimble Dupes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Flat tire. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Ari Shafir.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And finally.

[Ari Shafir]

Thanks, everybody.

[Big J Okerson]

Good to be here. Tight back there. It's tight back there for sure. Our third last but not least final.

[Ari Shafir]

The important thing to come here and just be around friends is that it's. It's just cool to see everybody. I really like that.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You know, our third guest, everybody, from the.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

High Society Radio, Notes of a Goon right here on the Guest digital network in a special burn after saying available right now on YouTube. How about for the hilarious Chris Fag, everybody? Chris. Oh, welcome to Story wars, guys. Everybody here has played before, I believe.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah, I was excellent my first time.

[Big J Okerson]

Nope. Aaron.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Aaron was terrible. And Chris has never played.

[Big J Okerson]

J. Chris has never played, but Ari and. And Chris both have. Arian. Aaron.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Not only have you played.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Thank you for the.

[Big J Okerson]

Sorry, we should put that. That should be in the intros.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It should be.

[Big J Okerson]

Ari himself is an official story warrior. He has won the show before.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Thank you.

[Ari Shafir]

Thank you, everybody.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's a big deal. We only. The only way to get back on the show is if you've been a story warrior or if your Name is Aaron Burke.

[Big J Okerson]

So he won one of two ways you get on this goddamn thing. We'll explain it real quick, everyone. The game story War is very fun, very easy. Everybody. On this panel, all five of us, including me and Lewis, have submitted three to five stories on a certain given subject. Tonight's subject is Louis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

New beginnings.

[Big J Okerson]

New beginnings, everybody.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Happy New Year, everyone.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex. We'll read those stories one at a time. We'll see it here on the screen when the story's read out. If it's your story, you're the only person who knows that it's your job to fool everybody, that it's not your story. And if it. If it's not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is. When you get your final answer, you put it on the board. Your answer is locked in when it hits the rack.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. If you guess the correct story, you get two points. And for every person you fool, you get one point. The points are very easy. You guys are going to follow along. Everyone's going to get it. Ladies and gentlemen, let's get to war.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Can I break it before we start, Please? It's just an observation. This crowd seems like a shit crowd.

[Aaron Berg]

I said that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I said that. Up top.

[Ari Shafir]

There's a few people that seem into it, and a lot are not. So.

[Chris Faga]

Well, I don't.

[Ari Shafir]

You got to fight for it.

[Chris Faga]

I don't think they were warmed up at all. Like, nobody came out and warmed them up, you know? This guy looks so happy that someone drove a truck through people in New Orleans. See, it's like that. Then that guy back there looks like he probably, I don't know, weird.

[Aaron Berg]

The guy next to him looks like he has a CDL license.

[Big J Okerson]

Everybody celebrates differently.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah. These guys seem cool. These guy. Ah. Sweater under a thin jacket. Guy's gay.

[Aaron Berg]

This is the fucking first of all, by the way. This is the movie version of these two guys. It's a fucking white trash guy and an Arab guy. And that's a fucking real white trash guy. And a real Arab guy.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, he's accessible Arab.

[Big J Okerson]

He's like, this is why the crowd's not full. We just come here and shit on the mall.

[Chris Faga]

Harold and Kumar go to the mall and buy a silver chain. Did you see that movie?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can we. Is it possible to move better looking people into these seats? Jake.

[Chris Faga]

Dude, that Indian guy. So good looking for an Indian. He probably doesn't smell Indian.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, that's possible.

[Chris Faga]

That was too much.

[Big J Okerson]

That's the line. Oh, guys, also, let me Let you know.

[Ari Shafir]

This probably sounds like a Steph Curry.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Guys, just, you know, when you're on Story wars, you're not playing for nothing here, everybody.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We don't. We don't do it for fun. It is fun and we do love the game, but that's not why we're doing this.

[Big J Okerson]

This week, we are playing for Shadow of Death by Patricia Goosen. Shadow of Death by Patricia Goosen is a suspenseful psychological thriller that follows the story of a young woman named Dr. Sarah Wainwright, a dedicated physician who is thrust into a complex and dangerous situation.

[Ari Shafir]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm going to bring that back, dude. I think we're ready to start Story wars after I tell you. The novel begins with Sarah finding herself in the midst of a murder mystery when her friend and mentor, Dr. Frank, is found dead under suspicious circumstances. As she delves deeper into the investigation, she uncovers dark secrets and dangerous truths surrounding the medical world. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Shadow of Death. But you're segoose in. Can you grab that?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can we get sued for that? Can Arsenio hall sue us for sealing his.

[Big J Okerson]

No way. You can't steal the. That's impossible. That's not intellectual property.

[Ari Shafir]

No, and if he tries to get a lawyer, I'll talk to them and tell him.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, nice. Yeah. Back at ghq ar, you'll sort this out.

[Aaron Berg]

Strike them with lightning.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex. Our first story.

[Ari Shafir]

Not bad.

[Alex]

Story number one. I had to go to a new Dangerous Minds type of high school when I got kicked out of my first high school because I kept getting caught smoking hash and the only class I was good at was Spanish.

[Ari Shafir]

I mean, it should be Louis, but I don't think he knows Spanish.

[Big J Okerson]

Lewis didn't go to Dangerous Mind school.

[Chris Faga]

Louis Abla.

[Luis J. Gomez]

See? Yeah. I mean, obviously you guys know it's not me. I didn't smoke weed until I was almost out of high school. I did get kicked out of school. I did. Half the story is me, but this is not me. Aaron is a boring old man. He doesn't smoke weed. Ari is a Jew who went to Jew school. I know Jay too well. This is very obviously Chris Vegas story.

[Aaron Berg]

You think I got kicked out of school smoking hash?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I also think. Yeah. I don't think Chris went to a Dangerous Minds type school.

[Aaron Berg]

I went to Brooklyn Technical High School, one of the best high schools in this country.

[Chris Faga]

I think a tech school means drugs. I think.

[Aaron Berg]

I mean, I sold drugs.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

This for. This smells to me like Aaron Berg. And I'll tell you why.

[Ari Shafir]

Why Hash is a London. It's a London, Ontario thing.

[Big J Okerson]

That is true. Smoking hash is such a specific. It sounds like. I don't think Ari smoked until he was out of school.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He was smoking hash. Potatoes. They're Canadian. Oh, I love Canadian.

[Chris Faga]

Jeez, this has got me feeling all hungry.

[Big J Okerson]

But I am curious to see what a Canadian thinks a Dangerous Minds type high school is.

[Chris Faga]

Dangerous Minds was the movie with.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I know. It's with Michelle Pfeiffer. Michelle Pfeiffer.

[Ari Shafir]

Coolio did the soundtrack.

[Big J Okerson]

Soundtrack, Great tune.

[Ari Shafir]

Elizabeth Shoe.

[Chris Faga]

It was Michelle Pfeiffer.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was Michelle Goes to the School.

[Chris Faga]

And it's all like these.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Like, Aaron might be playing dumb right now.

[Chris Faga]

Really urban kids.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, it could be. I'd say Aaron or Faga here. I. I just. Because I don't think Lewis speaks any Spanish for Puerto Rican.

[Big J Okerson]

He doesn't? No, he does. Not at all.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, Ari, not bad.

[Ari Shafir]

Not bad. Lewis. That really did fool a lot of people.

[Chris Faga]

You were in, like, Hebrew school your whole time?

[Ari Shafir]

I took languages, you guys, I haven't even really heard of. It's, like, way past idea that Sephardic.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He took banking weather talking.

[Aaron Berg]

He speaks by name.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Speak.

[Big J Okerson]

Also, we should add, in the interest of good faith, me and Lewis now always will do the first votes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we did the first one because we're so good. Hold on.

[Aaron Berg]

Wait, could this be Jay? Nobody mentioned Jay. It could be that this is a Philly ass thing.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This is a very Philly ass thing. But I just know.

[Big J Okerson]

Big Japo, Maria Esphaya.

[Aaron Berg]

It's pretty good.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I would know if this is Jay. I would have heard the story. This is something that. There's too much detail here, and it's too good of a story.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I take a look at my mind and realize there's nothing left.

[Chris Faga]

I smoked hash once on, like, a baby pin. You smoke it on a baby pin?

[Luis J. Gomez]

That was a penis. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was a baby's penis.

[Aaron Berg]

He was training to be a moil.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I have to suck the blood.

[Chris Faga]

Out, but I've got herpes.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Smoking hash to sing all feels Canadian.

[Aaron Berg]

Hold on.

[Big J Okerson]

That sounds.

[Aaron Berg]

Wait, Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah?

[Aaron Berg]

Didn't you get kicked out of school for lying on pussy and have to go to some weird juvenile detention school shit?

[Ari Shafir]

Is that true, Jay?

[Aaron Berg]

That is absolutely true.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no, no, no. I would have gotten kicked out of school if I didn't. My mom didn't make me agree to do a public apology at an. At an assembly. Okay, I had to buy a husky gray suit.

[Aaron Berg]

Didn't you have to go to, like, some sort of thing, though?

[Big J Okerson]

No. Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

And then you lied on again.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no.

[Aaron Berg]

In front of hood black dudes.

[Big J Okerson]

Only one lie on Jay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Still did racist crowd work though, at that assembly.

[Big J Okerson]

No, but I. You're confusing. I got sent to a bad kids class where they took us and made us sing songs. That's what Friends Are for by Gladys Knighton. Friends and the Rose by Bette Midler. And I'm telling you something, some of the thuggiest black problem kids in our school could belt. I mean, really?

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're using the Rose by Bette Midler? Yeah, I'd hang with Chris Midler. Middler. Middle. Come on, guys, I'm trying to get the job. Wake up. Just pretend it's a joke that you understand.

[Big J Okerson]

It's okay, Louis, your New Year's resolution to start punning more is not working out. I'm probably start getting more into the pun game. I'm gonna. I'll vote first. Happily. I'm going Aaron Berg on this one.

[Ari Shafir]

Wow.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, I'm really. Jay, you've kind of convinced me of this, Aaron. I, I. The only reason that I think it could be Aaron is because hash is such an old man drug.

[Ari Shafir]

Weird one. And also not just smoked. Got caught smoking ash. Kept getting caught smoking hash.

[Chris Faga]

I mean, it sounds addictive.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

You're not sorry.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Aaron, what language did you take in high school, Chris? French.

[Aaron Berg]

French.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Say something in French right now.

[Aaron Berg]

I can't say something Spanish. French.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Bonjour.

[Aaron Berg]

Je m'appelle Louis Christophe.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, you know what I'm voting for. All right, it if you me up here, Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't anything. I voted Aaron.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Burger's my boat.

[Big J Okerson]

I think it's Aaron Berg.

[Ari Shafir]

Aaron writes J.

[Big J Okerson]

Big J. I think Aaron just showed his ass by voting J. I do too.

[Ari Shafir]

If he wrote faga, I would have done Vega. But instead I'm writing Berg. Although I do think Aaron Short.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You got to put it in your stand, Ari.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Everybody's locked in. Alex.

[Alex]

That was Ironberg, everyone.

[Big J Okerson]

Yay. Guys saw it.

[Chris Faga]

Some of these are too Canadian. The next one where I blew Justin Trudeau. I'm hoping that one doesn't give me away. I did not know hash was that Canadian. They still put hash in weed now?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, in Europe, no.

[Ari Shafir]

Here, no, they don't.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Not really. We take dabs. Nobody's really doing hash.

[Big J Okerson]

Nobody's doing Aaron growing up in the endless Winter.

[Chris Faga]

I had to walk both ways to school with my ass.

[Ari Shafir]

I had a walk in front of a local minister to complete my kiss. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

My school books wrapped in a belt.

[Chris Faga]

They kicked me out. Then I went to another school, George S. Henry. And then I had to. I got in trouble there because we started fingering girls. And we were all. We're all four years old, and they were asleep, and. And then I had to get. And then that's how I got in the theater. The principal, Mr. Cornelius, was Jamaican, and he's like.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's like, you don't like fingering those pussies. You're gay. Join the theater club.

[Big J Okerson]

Most people get. Yeah, most people get in the theater through homosexuality. You took the scenic route, and it was great.

[Chris Faga]

He was very Jamaican. He's like, you have to go into theater. It's going to save your soul.

[Big J Okerson]

It's the only thing that saved me.

[Chris Faga]

Come on, it's Canada. Cool runnings.

[Big J Okerson]

And then he ripped the chicken's head off with his hands.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Aaron Burger is going to be a thesp. Beyond.

[Chris Faga]

I have to finish off this theater class and then go fight Steven.

[Big J Okerson]

Nico. I sell exotic pets and I like the theater. Come see me in la, man.

[Chris Faga]

Well, that was me. So I. I didn't get any points.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you did.

[Ari Shafir]

No, you did. You got one.

[Big J Okerson]

Absolutely.

[Ari Shafir]

You made him go a different way.

[Chris Faga]

Nice.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wait, did you really not. You didn't vote for Aaron?

[Chris Faga]

He voted for J. Yeah, he's dumb. He followed what I did.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Aaron Berg]

No, I thought he was lying about the Dangerous Minds thing.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh.

[Aaron Berg]

He told me this story, like, a month ago where he had to go in front of black guys because he lied about pussy or something.

[Chris Faga]

Oh, Jay told you that?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Chris Faga]

Oh, nice.

[Big J Okerson]

You're just. You're.

[Aaron Berg]

I'm conflating.

[Big J Okerson]

You're mixing stories. Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

All right, whatever.

[Ari Shafir]

That's the biggest word we're going to hear today.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Where are we at with points?

[Ari Shafir]

I know.

[Alex]

All right, on the scoreboard, I have Chris Fago with zero points.

[Aaron Berg]

All right, we're going to pick this up.

[Alex]

All right, Aaron Berg on the board with one point for Tricky.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Nice.

[Alex]

And in the lead, Ari Lewis and Big J, all tied with two points each for guessing correctly.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's right.

[Ari Shafir]

Catching on. It's catching on.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It is catching on, dude.

[Ari Shafir]

That's gonna be a new thing.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Okay, let's take a moment and thank Turtle beach for supporting the show. If you're a gamer or if you guys like to play games, or even if you're not, I use. They've gave us headphones that I use for podcasting now, which are absolutely incredible.

[Big J Okerson]

We, we have used them on the show where you've used them for podcasting. I gave these for Christmas gifts, actually.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What an incredible gift to that young gamer in your life. But they have incredible products [e-mail] all of your hardware needs for if any of your gaming or anything that you need to do. But genuinely, their headphones, they sound absolutely incredible. They have the Stealth 700, which is the industry's first ever crossplay dual wireless transmitter system. That means you can seamlessly switch between consoles and PC with just a click of a button.

[Big J Okerson]

It's also 80 hours of battery, which is incredible. Dude, it's like a pretty amazing.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Turtle beach doesn't have just amazing headsets. They have every gaming accessory that you'd ever want, and they're all high quality at prices that don't break the bank. From flight and racing simulators to controllers, keyboards, and mice, Turtle beach is the ultimate gaming cheat code.

[Big J Okerson]

So if you're looking for the perfect gift or even treating yourself, go get that headset everyone's talking about. For a limited time only, our listeners are going to get 10% off the entire order when you use code wars W A R Z. @turtlebeach.com it's turtlebeach.com 10% off with promo code wars with a Z. All right, check them out. Turtlebeach.com Alex Story number two.

[Ari Shafir]

I love that sound effect.

[Chris Faga]

Sledgehammer.

[Alex]

Story number two. I moved to a new city and one of the reasons was so that I could a black chick.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, if it's legally. That's Berg again.

[Ari Shafir]

That's gotta be. There's no place you gotta move out.

[Big J Okerson]

Of Ottawa, you know, you can't be in Canada doing that crazy shit.

[Chris Faga]

The city I was raised in had no black people. And then we had to move to the new city to find a black chick.

[Ari Shafir]

What. What cities did you guys grow up in? Where did you move from? Where'd you all move from?

[Chris Faga]

Well, he moved from Philly, so there was no shortage.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, but the Philly Blacks are. That's a different brew. I won't use that word, but that's a different.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Are they.

[Chris Faga]

Are they the feeder football team for the Eagles?

[Aaron Berg]

It's a gruff, callous hand. Black.

[Big J Okerson]

No, at the time too, it was a. More of like a salt and pepper haircut.

[Ari Shafir]

Okay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I moved to a new city and one of the reasons was so that I could a black chick.

[Chris Faga]

I mean, Ari was from Maryland. Originally, that's where the Wire's from. So there was no shortage there.

[Ari Shafir]

A lot of blacks in the Wire.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It doesn't mean that there wasn't black chicks in the city. I think that he moved to a new city because he was fucking a black chick.

[Ari Shafir]

So they. They went across the country or wherever it was to fuck a specific black chick or.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, I think it's a specific black chick. That's the way that I read it. Anyway.

[Aaron Berg]

Just move to a new city.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't like. Lewis has been re. Explaining this to us every step of the way. Has anybody else noticed that? He's like, no, no, I don't think it was that. I think it was saying. Because for a specific one, guys get it, right? I'm not a weirdo.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, just so you guys know, I would never. A black chick.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, you would.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So, yes, I'm out. Obviously.

[Ari Shafir]

I mean, Burke. I don't think it was Burke. He was getting whatever he wanted.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah, I had.

[Ari Shafir]

So, like, he wouldn't move to do that.

[Chris Faga]

No. Boy, those were the good days.

[Ari Shafir]

Vega.

[Aaron Berg]

You think I moved from Brooklyn to another part of Brooklyn to a black chick?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

As if black chicks weren't just around.

[Chris Faga]

It is a block by block basis over there. You're like, oh, another city.

[Big J Okerson]

This just does seem like it's airing again.

[Aaron Berg]

All I had to do was learn how to seawalk and it was fun.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It can be. It can be two.

[Ari Shafir]

Can you have two in a row?

[Luis J. Gomez]

You can do two in a row? Yeah, it's all randomized.

[Big J Okerson]

Lewis.

[Ari Shafir]

Aaron. Aaron, let me ask you a question. Yeah. Have you ever moved cities to fuck a white chick?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we all have. They're white.

[Chris Faga]

I. I moved to New York with the expectation I was going to get a lot of pussy in New York.

[Big J Okerson]

I. I actually went for a Hispanic. Shit a long.

[Ari Shafir]

You moved for Hispanic chick to. To New York?

[Big J Okerson]

My ex wife.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Chris Faga]

Rosie Perez.

[Aaron Berg]

Oh, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Rosie Perez.

[Chris Faga]

You're gonna come? Me?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Then the Stooky brothers came and I got the out.

[Aaron Berg]

He's the one who told her all those foods that start with the letter Q.

[Big J Okerson]

What is a quince?

[Ari Shafir]

What is a quince?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Ari, did you ever. Did you ever date a black chick in any serious capacity?

[Ari Shafir]

Date, I would love to, but no.

[Aaron Berg]

Ari.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Fuck.

[Aaron Berg]

The only black Israelite woman.

[Ari Shafir]

Latinos.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Latinos.

[Ari Shafir]

Multiple.

[Chris Faga]

I guarantee you, Ari went down on Thea Vidal once.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait, you've never hooked up with a.

[Ari Shafir]

Black woman ever saying this, Pat. What?

[Big J Okerson]

You've never hooked up with a black woman ever?

[Ari Shafir]

I'm a bit scared.

[Chris Faga]

Oh, sickle cell.

[Big J Okerson]

Why you got a big flopping dick.

[Ari Shafir]

Dude, Can I talk freely here? Since there's none in your audience?

[Big J Okerson]

No, there are no.

[Luis J. Gomez]

There's two in the back. Right back there. I see them as soon as they come in. Like the Terminator.

[Ari Shafir]

You're like, no, no, I'm a bit intimidated.

[Chris Faga]

You guys are not on paper, but not in reality.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I agree. I understand your thought process. It's never made me not act.

[Ari Shafir]

Right, right, right.

[Big J Okerson]

Cause I assume if it gets to the point where this black woman's, like, back at a place with me for this to happen, like, this isn't her first dance. This isn't her first. This isn't her first hokey, average white wiener.

[Chris Faga]

Ooh, you almost bigger than somebody I've seen.

[Big J Okerson]

You get compliments like, I've seen smaller or it's thick.

[Chris Faga]

You smell white.

[Ari Shafir]

Look how big that circumcised head is.

[Luis J. Gomez]

A.

[Chris Faga]

You got big old balls.

[Ari Shafir]

I get that a lot. I get when he was doing Dog that crosses.

[Big J Okerson]

That crosses color lines, my friend.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, we. We don't like. Ari could be lying. He could have dated a black chick here.

[Ari Shafir]

I could have.

[Chris Faga]

I.

[Big J Okerson]

By the way, this says I could a black. It's like you're following someone.

[Chris Faga]

Ari's moved a lot, and Ari's not done moving.

[Ari Shafir]

No, it moved more than any of you.

[Aaron Berg]

It seems like the person who moved moved for the opportunity to a black chick.

[Chris Faga]

One of the reasons. So it's not necessarily clearly now you.

[Aaron Berg]

I went down to the two of you, and now it's clearly you, Aaron.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Why? The way you just reacted.

[Aaron Berg]

One of the reasons.

[Chris Faga]

It says one of the reasons.

[Aaron Berg]

I mean, we have to go first.

[Big J Okerson]

So I'm wide open. I'm going with Lewis. I'm guessing Lewis. Wow.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yes. All right.

[Aaron Berg]

Lewis from New Rochelle, New York.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, Rockland County.

[Big J Okerson]

Rockland County.

[Aaron Berg]

All right. There's black chicks there.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Chris. Stop having just half the facts about us, Chris.

[Big J Okerson]

You're hurting all of our feelings by not knowing anything about us.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, I'm weirdly having the instinct that this might be Aaron Berg again. Aaron's actually racist, though. That's the only thing that's deterring me right now.

[Ari Shafir]

But he didn't say data Black Satire.

[Big J Okerson]

That was her name.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Her name was Sweet Satire. What's up, little boy? I'm Sweet Satire. It's Aaron or it's fucking Jubag. It might be me.

[Ari Shafir]

I have dated over minus one black chicks.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Have you really never dated a black chick?

[Ari Shafir]

Dude, I don't know what to do with them.

[Chris Faga]

There's so many things. You babysit their kids, you do their hair, you clean their Acuras. There's so many things to do.

[Aaron Berg]

You make them buy you a PS5.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You co sign on their apartment.

[Big J Okerson]

Co sign for all of it. Your last name is Guarantor.

[Chris Faga]

You meet her father who's in the army that she's meeting for the first time.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm putting my vote in Aaron Berg. Final answer. I feel like we got two in a row.

[Big J Okerson]

This hasn't happened in a while. I only didn't go with Berg for that reason. I'm like playing the odds. It's not two in a row, man.

[Chris Faga]

He's trying to fool.

[Big J Okerson]

He's trying to fool Faga again.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah, that's what I'm going with. I think that. I think of all the coxmen at this table, I know Lewis has.

[Big J Okerson]

Damn it. It's Berg for sure.

[Chris Faga]

Lewis has the most rapes, but I think Jay has the most. The most banaton like approach.

[Big J Okerson]

It's goddamn Berg. And I blew it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I have the most grape juice.

[Big J Okerson]

God damn it.

[Chris Faga]

Lock it in.

[Big J Okerson]

Lock it in and I'll tell. I don't want to get why Aaron's. Why it's. Aaron is for no other reason than saying, me, I moved here for my ex wife. My daughter. The girl I moved with when I moved up here was my.

[Aaron Berg]

And you never cheated on me.

[Ari Shafir]

She speaks.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, okay. You know what's funny? I didn't even put her in the prospect. This could be me.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

One of the reasons besides that could have also been because there was a black cheater who wants to fuck that. I went, okay, all right. Not a bad guess. Berg, I'm sorry, I'm back in.

[Chris Faga]

Keith Robinson told me there's so much black pussy, me and Kevin Hart are gonna be roommates.

[Big J Okerson]

Keith told us about the promised land, Alex.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All of our answers are locked in.

[Alex]

That was Ari Shafir, you lying piece of shit.

[Ari Shafir]

This crafty Jew.

[Chris Faga]

Wow. Chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, chew. Ch. Good lie.

[Ari Shafir]

Nice.

[Chris Faga]

I need to trust my instincts with Jews more.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Really?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Who was this black chick?

[Ari Shafir]

I moved to New York because I've never. I had never in la, a black chick. And it was too segregated there. And the black chicks you meet in LA are like.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They're not starter blacks.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah, they're.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You've never been. You've never been to Compton?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, and then I came here. I was like, one of the reasons is To a Black chick.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And did you ever do it?

[Big J Okerson]

So it wasn't so it wasn't for a specific. It was for the ability to be.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So that was the reason you said so you and you. Three black chicks.

[Big J Okerson]

Three.

[Luis J. Gomez]

How were they?

[Ari Shafir]

One was really good. One was a bit too athletic.

[Chris Faga]

It's the extra bone.

[Ari Shafir]

It was just like.

[Aaron Berg]

Oh, she was trans.

[Ari Shafir]

It's just noises.

[Big J Okerson]

She admit what happened? Well, so she came and then she backed you down to one of those little suction cup basketball m on you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She walked me to the corner.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, Cash.

[Ari Shafir]

I wasn't ready.

[Big J Okerson]

Poster.

[Chris Faga]

No no no no.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Who was the third one?

[Ari Shafir]

And third one was just some chick after a show. And then she was cool and she was okay. She was all right.

[Chris Faga]

That was good.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Chris Faga]

He lied to us. He bald face lied to us.

[Ari Shafir]

Bald faced.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah, I would never do.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was my instinct. I did say it was fucking Ari at first.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, I believe pretty hard. I almost buckled.

[Aaron Berg]

I think. I think Ari's tell might be. He writes the thing down when it's him. He just wrote that. He wrote Berg down before everybody was done talking.

[Ari Shafir]

No, they had already both voted.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Don't tell people their tell, Chris.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, that's a terrible.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Have the tell and then fucking now. He's not going to do it anymore.

[Ari Shafir]

I don't.

[Aaron Berg]

We're doing.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We're doing a fucking show.

[Aaron Berg]

Who cares?

[Luis J. Gomez]

The game is real to me.

[Aaron Berg]

I don't care about that book.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Aaron Berg]

Fuck that book.

[Ari Shafir]

What the fuck?

[Big J Okerson]

This book is a story filled with twists and turns keeping readers on the edge of their seats as Sarah grapples with the emotional and moral dilemmas tied to her search for justice.

[Chris Faga]

Wow, that's a lot of fun.

[Aaron Berg]

That's the set of 100 people who.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Haven'T heard of that. She sounds like the black chick that Ari dated.

[Ari Shafir]

Dude, she snored hard. Like hard.

[Big J Okerson]

She snored nice. She got practice in the morning when.

[Chris Faga]

You woke up and all your stuff was.

[Alex]

On the scoreboard.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh my God.

[Chris Faga]

Ari Shafir.

[Ari Shafir]

Wait, why are your scores the same as before?

[Chris Faga]

Because we didn't lose.

[Big J Okerson]

Shut up, Ari.

[Chris Faga]

Oh yeah. Aren't they supposed to.

[Big J Okerson]

Aaron started answering. He goes, well, because the way math works is you received all the points this round. Clean sweep.

[Alex]

I have Chris Fago with zero points, Aaron Berg with one. Jay and Lewis tied with two each. And in the lead with six points, Ari Shaffir.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow. Last day of Hanukkah.

[Ari Shafir]

What's this? What's this Joan Didian book? That's a real book, huh? What's his Joan Didian book. That's a real. That's a legit book.

[Big J Okerson]

All these books are legit book.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What are the.

[Ari Shafir]

What's this pile for?

[Luis J. Gomez]

These are the books that we've.

[Big J Okerson]

The ones that we've won.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Interesting.

[Big J Okerson]

Is it now?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Maybe I'm. Maybe I'm lying.

[Chris Faga]

Ari, I guarantee you that your black girlfriend didn't read this one. I Dream of Water.

[Ari Shafir]

No, she, she, she, she read don't go chasing Waterfalls by tlc.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She had a dream, but it wasn't water.

[Big J Okerson]

Story number three.

[Chris Faga]

Fledgehammer.

[Alex]

Story number three. My. My first try.

[Chris Faga]

This Ari and his uncle.

[Alex]

My first try with anal sex ever was in my family's home. It ended with her all over my bed and running out of the room to your.

[Ari Shafir]

Where your family was having breakfast.

[Big J Okerson]

Who. Who live with fat? I don't think Lewis lived with family during anal sex years.

[Ari Shafir]

Guys, I'd like to play the game. There's zero chance this is me.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, you said last time that it was zero chance it was you.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, but like family's home, anal sex. You know how I grew up.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No chance.

[Aaron Berg]

Well, she ran out because she was like, that's trafe.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, damn. What's faker with all the yidders suddenly from Brooklyn?

[Big J Okerson]

He is from Brooklyn. Oy van.

[Ari Shafir]

I'll allow it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

My family's home. My first try with earth try.

[Chris Faga]

So it didn't even get all the way in.

[Ari Shafir]

Who was trash? All four of you?

[Chris Faga]

Yeah. That's tough.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This could be a. This could be a big J story. The way it's worded.

[Big J Okerson]

Could be a big J.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's not that because it's not the first time I had anal sex. My first try with anal sex, it.

[Ari Shafir]

Ended with her all over my bed.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll tell you, my girlfriend lived with me from like in my mom's house for a year. Which is trashy.

[Ari Shafir]

It is trashy.

[Big J Okerson]

Every sibling I have also did the same exact thing.

[Chris Faga]

I used to skip school, sneak girls over when I pretend to be sick, and then I'd fuck them in my parents house. But I didn't get into anal until the lacrosse team held me down.

[Ari Shafir]

I would also like to say Berg has a, has a, has a rod. Has a fucking thick one.

[Chris Faga]

Yep.

[Ari Shafir]

So you don't need a big dick.

[Luis J. Gomez]

To have a girl on your dick. Trust me.

[Chris Faga]

You just need a little chipotle.

[Ari Shafir]

But I mean, only a big one would have a try with anal sex. Big J and Lewis would have no effort.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Good point.

[Chris Faga]

When. When it's Your first time it's gonna hurt anybody's ass. I remember when I was young and I'd a girl's ass, she'd cry and then we'd bond over the crying.

[Ari Shafir]

I don't think that's true. I was party and it was totally fine for me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Chris. Chris's mom was a like a crackhead. I don't even think that that registered as a home.

[Aaron Berg]

No.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, well, he didn't say crack home.

[Ari Shafir]

Maybe a convalescent home.

[Big J Okerson]

Boy, families also feels like possibly an Alex like edit.

[Chris Faga]

I'm gonna say this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It does feel like an Alex edit. Yeah. Because maybe it was my dad's house. So this is a split family.

[Aaron Berg]

The first time I put your chicken in the ass was definitely in my dad's house. But I've never gone further than chocolate covered strawberry. I'll tell you that right now. I've never had an accident.

[Big J Okerson]

You know, Hang on.

[Aaron Berg]

Chocolate covered strawberry is the furthest I've ever gone with on my dick. There's never been.

[Ari Shafir]

What does that mean? Explain what that means.

[Aaron Berg]

That's when you pull your dick out of an and there's on it and it looks like a chocolate covered strawberry.

[Ari Shafir]

Why is it red?

[Chris Faga]

Because he's got cuz.

[Aaron Berg]

I mean, it's encouraged all over the head. That's true.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Your bright red all the time.

[Ari Shafir]

What?

[Chris Faga]

Yeah, he's.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's part Algonquin. Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

No, I still have a baboon in me.

[Big J Okerson]

I think this is Vega.

[Chris Faga]

I mean, this one could be almost anybody. Of course I'm saying we're all pieces.

[Big J Okerson]

Of shit enough to butt Alex.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Was this reworded or can we ask that anymore? Maybe we should be able to ask that question.

[Aaron Berg]

I think it's Louis.

[Ari Shafir]

Don't say. How's he worded? Just yes or no. Was it rewarded considerably?

[Alex]

The audience has asked me not to tell you guys. Oh, it's been rewarded.

[Aaron Berg]

Hey, they're listening to the audience instead of you, their boss.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, now it adds to the guest because now you're saying is it not reword or is it reworded? So now we're thinking of someone who had specific single family homes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Which is all of us.

[Big J Okerson]

Because now you open up to Louis. You had me for about a good seven, eight years.

[Aaron Berg]

There's no way you my.

[Big J Okerson]

The eight years though. I was in a single family household. Though if I was involved in buttfucking, then there should be a trial. Still the statute of limitation should be up on that.

[Chris Faga]

I feel like if you lived with your mom you wouldn't buttfuck because you'd have respect for women.

[Ari Shafir]

But so Louis, also you, you didn't have a dad, right?

[Luis J. Gomez]

No. This was reworded because it said dad. And Alex is trying to hide the.

[Big J Okerson]

Fact, but you're right. And here's the thing. Both Lewis and, and Chris had junkie moms where you would not feel any sense of concern butt under that roof.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah. And then they'd be like, hey mom, there's shit on my bed, clean it. You know, just get their mom.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, mom dookie sheets now.

[Aaron Berg]

And she's like, I haven't shit in a month.

[Ari Shafir]

I think they were both like worried about it because their mom said, hey, you can hook up with girls, but is not allowed.

[Chris Faga]

Boy, this is real close.

[Big J Okerson]

Chris.

[Chris Faga]

Oh boy, it's Lewis.

[Ari Shafir]

This guy thinks it's Lewis. Why do you think it's good looking Arab says Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

Give me a reason why you think it's Lewis.

[Ari Shafir]

Give me one reason fits his MO.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I have a shitty personality. You're saying?

[Big J Okerson]

I think, I think Lewis left home. How old were you?

[Luis J. Gomez]

He moved out originally. I was 16. I started living with my friends like then I came back a little bit here and there.

[Ari Shafir]

Can I ask you a question?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Please.

[Ari Shafir]

Is it possible that you snuck back into your parents house after not seeing them for years just to in their house? In the butt?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I'll tell you what, Lewis, that is.

[Ari Shafir]

A Lewis style revenge move.

[Big J Okerson]

Louis thing. He left at 16 and came back a few times. Otis Day started making me. I, I had Chris down, but now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm worried you think it's Big J too. The only thing that's throwing me off, honestly, I was going to guess Big J this whole time. And thank you sir for reading my mind. The only reason I was going to say, the only reason I'm not saying Big J is because of this wording. It was changed to family's home for a reason. And I think it's because it was the father's house. And that's, that's where my mind is going right now. Chris, what happened to your dad? He died young.

[Big J Okerson]

He died.

[Aaron Berg]

No, he died old. But he had me old. He died when I was in my early 20s.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Chris Vega.

[Ari Shafir]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Just because of that, that Lewis. All right, Lewis tried to just throw everybody quick.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'll go.

[Big J Okerson]

Chris.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Dumbass. Nice waste of a vote. Dumbass.

[Big J Okerson]

That's what I would say if I was trying to make me change. But I'm already locked in too late.

[Aaron Berg]

I want to know how this is a new beginning. You just. You.

[Chris Faga]

You were over the first time doing anal.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's the first time doing something.

[Aaron Berg]

Gotcha, guys.

[Ari Shafir]

Thinking Vega. It's just like that's a New York thing to do.

[Chris Faga]

But yeah, boy, this is.

[Ari Shafir]

There's no space in New York to. You see people in the park all the time.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I did.

[Aaron Berg]

Used to.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean the word is in his name, so.

[Aaron Berg]

Good one. Never heard that before.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Thanks, bro.

[Big J Okerson]

You're walking in, Ari. Interesting. I. I think Ari's. Damn it. He's lied so much. But I do No, I don't think Ari.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Was butt a chicken is.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I agree.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Super Jewish parents.

[Big J Okerson]

It was pretty fucking religious in there. That's our.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think all he wants virginity until he was like 20 to a rabbi.

[Big J Okerson]

But then he made up for it with everybody. Then he never stopped butt fucking. That's the legend.

[Ari Shafir]

I can't decide.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, you've written two things.

[Chris Faga]

I mean, mine was between two. Well, can I unlock mine and guess again? Nope, that's with the rule.

[Big J Okerson]

That's the rule. That's the ever floating rules.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, boys, we're going to have to get your answers locked in.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What the fuck, guys, time to move on. We're done busting balls. Put your answers on the board.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a real dilemma. Wow.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Loose. Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

Louis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I like a lot of Lewis. Somebody's clean the fuck up with points. You idiots. You fools. You fuel.

[Ari Shafir]

Who is it? Chris, It's Louis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think it's Chris Vega.

[Ari Shafir]

Well, Alex, but you're still saying it so it screams it's Chris Vega.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I think it's.

[Ari Shafir]

There'd be no reason to lie now.

[Chris Faga]

Oh, he would still lie.

[Luis J. Gomez]

May my son get butt by Ari Shafir tonight if it's me.

[Ari Shafir]

All right, damn it.

[Big J Okerson]

The damage is already done. He's got gaped months ago.

[Ari Shafir]

It's Vega.

[Alex]

God damn it, you guys, that was Big J over.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I have to trust my first instinct. I always talk myself out of it.

[Chris Faga]

Now I didn't. Fuck. Fuck. My first instinct was Ari, you fools. Yeah, you got us little J and his tiny dick made a girl shit all over a bed.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I gave you a little tip.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, she shit so she could feel something.

[Big J Okerson]

I get nice. Yeah.

[Chris Faga]

Hang on, hang on. Let me shit.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Let me shit.

[Chris Faga]

Oh, there we go. I feel it.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm farting. You out. I'm not in you. No, this was.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah, my girlfriend, she ran out of the room.

[Big J Okerson]

She lived. She lived with me, damn it. For like a year there. And we. And we tried butt fucking one night and I finished. I don't know why I was such a perverted, like, young person, like 18, 19. I said, I came in her ass. I watched so much porn and I was like, yeah, push it out. And she did with a little log of shit.

[Chris Faga]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

And then she ran out of the room crying, and I went downstairs to console her. Then I can hear upstairs my mother making her way from her room to my room. And then I came upstairs and as I was putting those sheets in the washing machine, she opened. My mom opened her door right next to the laundry room, was like, you're cleaning those fucking sheets. And I was like, yeah, no, I know. Yeah. My mom knew that. I. So my mom's fully aware that I came in my girlfriend's ass and probably.

[Chris Faga]

Came in her ass.

[Big J Okerson]

No no, no, no, no. It was a little. You don't understand. It looked like it was, like, in a little lake.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You know what I mean? Like, it came out like. It was like, oh, there's the.

[Ari Shafir]

It was.

[Big J Okerson]

There's the egg whites and the yolk.

[Aaron Berg]

It was like the dock in the middle of a lake that you jump off of sometimes.

[Big J Okerson]

Absolutely.

[Chris Faga]

Damn, sex is gross.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. When you think about it, it's also hilarious.

[Chris Faga]

Is that where you got the joke? It's the poop.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm so pissed. Twice now I've known who it was and I've changed my answer. Moving forward, I'm trusting my gut.

[Ari Shafir]

Can I just say I feel bad for all of you that it was a possibility for any of you.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel bad for you. You never butt fucked at your mom's house. Loser. Why don't you learn how to live?

[Chris Faga]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Ari, have you ever had. Have you ever. Her only ass.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Karen Feehan, right after you broke up.

[Big J Okerson]

And, man, it was so tight.

[Ari Shafir]

Still, it was so. There was so much stretching left to be had.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex, where are we at with points? I'm pissed.

[Alex]

All right, on the scoreboard, I have Chris Fago with zero points. I have Aaron Burke.

[Aaron Berg]

I'll be better next time, I swear.

[Alex]

Aaron Berg on the board with one point.

[Big J Okerson]

That might be his first point in story wars.

[Chris Faga]

No, I had points last time.

[Alex]

Lewis with two points and in the lead, tied with six points each. Big J and Ari Shapato.

[Big J Okerson]

Two sweeps, anybody's game.

[Ari Shafir]

Sweeping the other way is not bad.

[Big J Okerson]

Huh?

[Ari Shafir]

How do you do this? I've heard of it.

[Big J Okerson]

Just you inhale it. No no no no. The back. The pink part goes in your mouth. Yeah. No no no. And remember, we're still sharing that.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, tonight we like the menorah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Real quick, let's take a moment and thank one of our incredible sponsors, which is via, who makes incredible gummies that have everything from cbd, cbn. They even have THC gummies as well. But you can get a variety of different gummies. And they also have other amazing supplements mixed in like B12 and. And reishi mushrooms. And I take them to sleep. I think the Zen blend every night before I go to bed. Now that I'm not smoking weed.

[Big J Okerson]

Helped you out a lot.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, my. Dude, they put me right to bed. They feel so good. I also take the focus blend as well. That has nootropics in it as well. And truly an incredible product. I love via. Go to viahemp.com use that promo code wars with a Z for 15% off. If you're 21 plus. This is only for people. 21 plus plus you get a free gift of your choice, which is pretty amazing, you know. And make sure you tell them that you heard about them on the StoryWars podcast.

[Big J Okerson]

Viahemp.com that's via everybody. Code wars for 15% off. Check it out right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, where were we? Alex, Story number four.

[Alex]

Story number four. I started a new job and was hired despite the boss knowing that I was scheduled for surgery and knew I'd be off my feet for six weeks. A week later, the boss called me and made me come in because six weeks is crazy.

[Chris Faga]

This. So this guy was working at a retard house six weeks. It's crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

What a. What a non story.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah. Started a new job, was hired despite the. Okay, it's easy. It's a job. He got it. He had surgery, couldn't walk for six weeks. Boss thought that was crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

I haven't had a scheduled surgery since I was 7 and got my tonsils out. So I don't know, like, what. Who here got surgery?

[Chris Faga]

I had my appendix taken out.

[Big J Okerson]

That's not off your feet for six.

[Chris Faga]

I was off my feet for quite some time now.

[Big J Okerson]

Ari. I don't know when Ari had.

[Chris Faga]

Oh, he got the Jew taken out of him.

[Big J Okerson]

But I don't know when he had what jobs Ari had or up until when he had jobs. But Ari is maybe the most injured person I know because he, like, he likes to do a lot of adventure. And I think also he doesn't know he's not good at any of it. So he's like, hey, let's go do the black diamond ski hill. And then he. And then all of a sudden we have to like, you Know carry. We have to carry equipment on a plane with us now.

[Ari Shafir]

Hey, hey. Alex, can you stop the recording for a second?

[Big J Okerson]

Jake, man, what do we got a problem? You're the most hurt person I've ever met. So I have a feeling this could be Ari.

[Ari Shafir]

I started a new job and was hired despite the boss knowing I was scheduled for surgery. I knew I'd be off my feet for six weeks. Do I seem like someone who would do a job that needed to be on their feet?

[Aaron Berg]

Weren't you a door guy?

[Chris Faga]

Okay, I bet in Ari I was.

[Ari Shafir]

The door guy at Bergen Belsen.

[Chris Faga]

I bet Nari's early days, he had a lot of jobs. Like around the Comedy Store. All those guys did. Sebastian Maniscalco used to be a male stripper. Dice was like a bartender. All these guys had real jobs.

[Big J Okerson]

Sebastian, stripper, fake.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I feel like was a workhorse growing up though. He grew up. Not a lot of money.

[Aaron Berg]

I never had a job.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You've had tons of jobs.

[Aaron Berg]

I mean, like I was.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You worked as a line cook, a bartender. I know exactly.

[Big J Okerson]

Super quiet through this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's shaking. He's sweating right now like a leaf.

[Aaron Berg]

Where have I ever worked? First of all, when am I ever.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, stuttering now like a fool.

[Aaron Berg]

I'm drunk.

[Chris Faga]

I'll say this, J. I know it's not Lewis because he would have spelled job with a yob.

[Luis J. Gomez]

My ob.

[Ari Shafir]

I think it's Lewis's because who?

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's you.

[Ari Shafir]

Saying six weeks is crazy.

[Aaron Berg]

This seems like some equinox shit.

[Big J Okerson]

No, but Lewis doesn't have surgeries.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah, I had a few surgeries in my day.

[Aaron Berg]

You never had a tooth extracted. That's a surgery.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That is true.

[Aaron Berg]

Not six weeks.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Six weeks is crazy.

[Ari Shafir]

Also, getting genital warts burned off is a surgery of.

[Chris Faga]

Lewis had his dead brown tooth taken out. That took some time, right?

[Big J Okerson]

What this one. I'm going. My gut. I'm gonna see if I go first and quick. If I get this right, I'm going with Chris Vega.

[Chris Faga]

Exactly.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm with you. And my gut instinct said Chris. I'm trusting my gut instinct for the rest of the show. Chris Vega. All day he's acting weird, he's acting nervous. He won't look at me. Chris Vega. It is.

[Big J Okerson]

You shifty eyed piece of shit.

[Chris Faga]

I need a point.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Talking about his act. You think it's you?

[Ari Shafir]

Damn.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Aaron Berg votes for Chris Vega.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay. I thought he was writing my name. Did you?

[Ari Shafir]

Did you, Chris?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Have you had surgeries before?

[Chris Faga]

It's probably Ari.

[Aaron Berg]

I had my Tonsils out when I was a kid.

[Ari Shafir]

Have you ever had a job before?

[Aaron Berg]

I bartended, but not who the would give a. Like you would not hire a bartender.

[Chris Faga]

Okay, he's lying now.

[Ari Shafir]

One more question. Did you ever start a job even though the boss knew you were hired that. That you had a surgery?

[Aaron Berg]

No, that was not me.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, okay.

[Big J Okerson]

My God. Chris is not. I feel like Chris is terrible at lying or he's great, because I feel still confident that it's him.

[Ari Shafir]

I was thinking of going Lewis, but now I'm thinking maybe it's.

[Big J Okerson]

That's. That's transgender Lewis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Lewx.

[Big J Okerson]

Lewix. Oh, non binary Lewis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Chris, Just write it as small as possible on that sign if you can.

[Ari Shafir]

He's saying he's going with Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

Really?

[Ari Shafir]

It does my mind up.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jay worked one job. It was like 711 in a CD store for like, a week before he started doing comedy.

[Chris Faga]

He did drive.

[Big J Okerson]

I delivered auto parts. Yeah, but there was no boss. There was no boss. I would tell him, getting surgery for driving strippers to bachelor parties.

[Chris Faga]

Six weeks is crazy. These strippers got lots of parties to be at, Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

You just don't say, I'm available this weekend. Yeah, I just.

[Ari Shafir]

I just think it's Louis. I. I might be. It's just the type of guy he knew I was. I was going to be off my feet for six weeks. But when have you had a surgery?

[Luis J. Gomez]

You already put it in.

[Big J Okerson]

You put it in, buddy.

[Ari Shafir]

I put it back in on my terms.

[Big J Okerson]

It was a huge planters war.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All our scores are in.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone's locked in.

[Chris Faga]

Come on, Alex.

[Ari Shafir]

Alex, fake it to you, right?

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Yeah. It was Christopher.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

Can I just make a point? That boss was Luis J. Gomez, and the company was Gas Digital.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Was it six weeks?

[Big J Okerson]

It's crazy. So that's what fooled you. Ari, this line, six weeks is crazy.

[Chris Faga]

Is Lewis saying that's it? He literally said, that line got me to Louis.

[Aaron Berg]

Six weeks is crazy.

[Ari Shafir]

But I just told you I'd be gone. You're like, no, come on.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't remember this at all. What was this?

[Aaron Berg]

First started, and you were like, it's gonna be a couple of months. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna schedule a foot surgery. And you went, sure. And you're like, what, doggy? We're doing it in two weeks. And I was like, I got four more weeks to heal from the surgery. And you were like, six weeks is crazy, dog.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Six weeks is crazy. I will admit that that's a wild amount of time to whatever the doctor Is as you're saying it, I'm like, you know what? That is fucking nuts. I agree with your boss.

[Big J Okerson]

Suck my dick, Dr.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex, where our points at at halftime?

[Ari Shafir]

Fuck.

[Alex]

On the scoreboard I have Chris Fago with one point.

[Ari Shafir]

Congrat legends.

[Alex]

Aaron Berg with three points. Lewis. Yeah. Lis J. Gomez with four points. Ari Shafir with six points. And Big J Okerson in the lead with eight points.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Everybody's game.

[Ari Shafir]

More like boo J still. Thanks.

[Big J Okerson]

Pretty good. Everybody. We have reached the halfway point of the game where we go around, do our plugs. Mr. Faga, what do you want to plug, my man?

[Aaron Berg]

High society radio here on the gas digital network. And I just put out a half hour called burn after saying go check that out on YouTube.

[Ari Shafir]

Congratulations.

[Aaron Berg]

Thank you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Ari Shfir.

[Ari Shafir]

My new stand up comedy special is coming out January 14th on. Thank you. It's on netflix.com. it was a bidding war between Blockbuster shipping and Netflix and Netflix came in with the lead.

[Chris Faga]

Nice.

[Ari Shafir]

And so January 14th, America's Sweetheart. Streaming in every country except like Cambodia.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice.

[Chris Faga]

Oh my God. I'm going back on the road. Much to my chagrin. I will be in Canada. Yuk Yuks. Toronto, 1-22-23. Ottawa, 1-24-25. I'm going to be in Fort Lauderdale, in Miami in February and then me and Brian Holtzman doing Crossing the line tour. We're going to be in Dallas. We're going to be at Mothership. We're going to be in Jersey, we're going to be in Poughkeepsie. We're going to be here at the stand. Come check us out. Thank you all. Dates aaronberg.com.

[Big J Okerson]

Bigjay comedy.com for all my dates. Look for a city near you. I'm all over the place. When's this coming out, Lois?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Monday on gas and Thursday.

[Big J Okerson]

You can come see me in Arizona. You can come see me in Ontario. Every city in this fucking country I'm coming to. I promise. You go on my website, bigjcomedy.com to check it out. Bonfire five days a week, faction talk, Sirius XM103 with me and the great Robert Kelly and of course legion of skanks right here on the guest digital network. Also, my special, rejected by Netflix, will be coming out in February.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's a better name for your special.

[Big J Okerson]

Double special. Double special. Big J Okerson. Them, they all crowd work. Shot in Denver.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Come see me on the road. Lf skanks.com Four tickets. January. Columbus, Ohio. Rosemont, Illinois. How do I say? Gananaka. Gananakwe Ganakwe Ona, Ontario, Canada Montreal Ottawa, North Charleston, South Carolina Naples, Florida. That is just in January. The Bring five Friends tour coming to a city near you. And if you guys would have brought five friends we would have a really packed show tonight. Thank you guys for not doing that.

[Big J Okerson]

Make sure you guys are pretty good sized crowd for New Year's Day. Dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Not bad. Make sure you guys subscribe to Gas Digital if you love this show there we do an uncensored and ad free version of the show that you get just for subscribers to gas digital.com use the promo code WAR. It's the number one way to support the show. And make sure you check out all my other podcasts, the Lewis and Zach show, Legion of Skanks, the regs and if you guys are excited about Skank Fest, we officially announce Skank Fest New Orleans happening.

[Ari Shafir]

New Orleans, November.

[Chris Faga]

Yes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

14Th or 16th.

[Ari Shafir]

It was a whole.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Some guy got so excited about it last night that he drove his car to a group of people.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He was like whoa. No way.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh wow.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And the Pre sale is January 29th, 1pm [e-mail] when is it? It's going to be November 14th through 16th.

[Ari Shafir]

What are we in now?

[Luis J. Gomez]

We're in January.

[Big J Okerson]

January, dude.

[Chris Faga]

Can't wait to get to Texas. New Orleans, Texas.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay guys, it's time to start the second half of oh, and I'm sorry, it's time for Lewis to finish this thing.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, no, I'm good.

[Big J Okerson]

You done?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I was making sure you were mentioning the rule change at this point.

[Ari Shafir]

What's the rule?

[Big J Okerson]

Of course. Well, they have point of game. The thing is, sometimes it seems like a runaway at this point of the game.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, but it's not.

[Big J Okerson]

But that's not even a possibility. And Chris, you're probably down like why the am I. I'm just smoking a cigar, taking up space. You're not.

[Aaron Berg]

I thought I was smoking a cigar with my friends having a good time. He wasn't making me feel like things get.

[Big J Okerson]

Listen, it looks like you are just eating this game. Sure.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

All right.

[Alex]

Can I get a shot?

[Big J Okerson]

Jake, you're looking foolish, but this could all turn around in just where we're at right now. In one simple story.

[Ari Shafir]

What could happen?

[Big J Okerson]

What happens is everything changes to double points. Whereas previously, if you guessed the right answer of someone.

[Ari Shafir]

Wait, did you say double points?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex, edit that out. You'd never do that when somebody else says it's a J thing.

[Chris Faga]

Right. That's exactly what I was hoping for.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Edit him out saying.

[Ari Shafir]

Edit that out.

[Aaron Berg]

Hold on, hold on, J. I'm losing really bad. Can I just try it out?

[Ari Shafir]

Try it out, Try it out.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure. Give it a shot, guys.

[Aaron Berg]

This next round, double points.

[Big J Okerson]

I swear to God that I thought they were not going to play the easy, Chris.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I was going to make a rule change. I was going to say, if you're a story warrior, you can trigger the double point, but only if you're a story warrior. Only if you're a story warrior.

[Ari Shafir]

Hey, I. I'll give you $100 if you don't edit it out.

[Chris Faga]

I got.

[Aaron Berg]

I got 20. I got 20 on that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That is. Will you agree.

[Ari Shafir]

Will you agree that this is a contract?

[Luis J. Gomez]

That is 10,000 pennies to Ari? What?

[Ari Shafir]

Make him accept it?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, I think I. Jay, if you. If I'm not mistaken, I think if you're a story warrior, being able to trigger double points is a privilege.

[Big J Okerson]

So now Ari can do it and save his hundred dollars.

[Ari Shafir]

No, no, I want his. Not edited out as well.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, his getting.

[Big J Okerson]

Why? I can't believe.

[Aaron Berg]

I thought that was just a gift from Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

I can't believe they took. Well, I was feeding it because I thought the producers would understand.

[Ari Shafir]

He didn't take a week's gas digital salary. Nope, because he respects you.

[Chris Faga]

I read about that on Twitter.

[Ari Shafir]

Before.

[Big J Okerson]

You got one point if you fool people and two points if you. Wait, are we leaving that in now? Double points.

[Chris Faga]

This crowd is crazy, man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Nuts.

[Big J Okerson]

The people have spoken and they love double points. And before we lose sight of what this whole thing is about, everybody, I want you to know that Shadow of Death deals with themes of trust, betrayal, and the fragility of human life. And they're explored as Sarah discovers that the people closest to her may not be who they seem. Yeah. Alex. Story number five.

[Alex]

Sledgehammer story number five. I went to a New Year's Eve party in high school at a rich friend's house. They were serving red velvet cake. After eating a couple slices and getting blackout drunk, I puked the red velvet cake all over their very expensive carpet.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Affluent friends.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I didn't. I didn't have any rich friends.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I grew up in trashy Rockland.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah, I did this with vodka sauce.

[Chris Faga]

I will say this.

[Big J Okerson]

Or you didn't up in high school, did you? You rebel at all?

[Ari Shafir]

Why would I. Why would I. Why would you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

A black chick. You piece of.

[Chris Faga]

I. I think Lewis thought all of his friends were rich, and he's like velvet cake.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, it is funny that the. The Example of this cake being affluent is that, you know, they have red velvet cake.

[Chris Faga]

Oh, look, a carpet.

[Ari Shafir]

You have something over your. You have something over your concrete.

[Chris Faga]

These people are rich.

[Big J Okerson]

After I eat this luxurious cake and.

[Chris Faga]

Vomit on this floor covering, I'm gonna steal your forks.

[Big J Okerson]

I will tell you, eating a couple slices started making me feel like it was me. But blackout drunk is not my jam. It hasn't happened to me enough in my life.

[Ari Shafir]

Black out drunk.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

I say it's. I. It might be Chris Vega.

[Big J Okerson]

Or this could be Louis.

[Chris Faga]

I used to party. I used to get hammered. I shit my pants at the comic strip.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm.

[Big J Okerson]

This could be Louis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it could very well could be. I'm just letting you know, people are so. I had a rich friend, but we didn't get blackout drunk. She was like a nerd.

[Big J Okerson]

I think, well, you could have gotten blackout drunk while you're eating robbed velvet.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I drank, by the way. I drank maybe two times before I was 21 years years old.

[Ari Shafir]

Can I. But I will just say this, that if Lewis had eaten red velvet cake, we would be as shredded as he is right now.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. If he puked it up the way he does now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I was bulimic.

[Big J Okerson]

Lose bulimic.

[Chris Faga]

Nice oysters. Fag.

[Big J Okerson]

He was trying to get picked up by Ford Modeling Agency.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm going with my instincts. I already. I already know. I'm not gonna. I'll let you guys talk it out a little bit. But I already know who it is.

[Big J Okerson]

Good. I'll talk it out and write down your name right now, because that's what it is.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

And I'm gonna put the little schwa over the eye.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's Luis.

[Big J Okerson]

Luis. I think that nice early vote.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Aaron. Are you writing Aaron Berg? I thought you're writing your own name.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, nice.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm going with my instinct. No, but we're supposed to go first.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I know. Well, it's all right. Took a political stance.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Berg is getting excited about Ari very quickly.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's 100. Aaron Burke.

[Big J Okerson]

Why Aaron wouldn't eat two pieces of cake.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No.

[Ari Shafir]

You've been oddly silent on this.

[Big J Okerson]

What do you mean?

[Chris Faga]

I never.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm gonna start writing an answer really quick.

[Chris Faga]

I'm not a red.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I locked in way early.

[Chris Faga]

I'm not a red velvet guy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, that's the line.

[Big J Okerson]

Draw.

[Chris Faga]

I like chocolate.

[Big J Okerson]

Lewis. Did you say Aaron?

[Luis J. Gomez]

No. Ari likes chocolate.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, he moved to New York for it.

[Ari Shafir]

I do. I like red velvet. But go easy on the cream cheese.

[Chris Faga]

Here's my logic. Ari was not a big drinker, but New Year's Eve would be one of those things where his father would be like, it's New Year's. Go do what you want to do. And Ari'd be like, red velvet cake. And then be on a chair dancing.

[Big J Okerson]

I held my breath for three hours in the showers for this.

[Ari Shafir]

I don't like that. I don't like this at all.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Black.

[Ari Shafir]

I'm going there.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Black.

[Big J Okerson]

All right.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Everybody's are always correct. Alex.

[Alex]

That was Lewis J.

[Chris Faga]

Damn it, Lewis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Damn it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Wow. I stopped that clean sweep, dude.

[Chris Faga]

Dude, that's a lot of points.

[Ari Shafir]

Who gave you red velvet cake?

[Luis J. Gomez]

So my friend Gloria Bruzano, she had parents. Fucking knew it. She had. She had parents that were the parents that were okay with kids coming to drink at their house.

[Big J Okerson]

Trash.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude. And I showed up and my buddy Dave Green's older sister Liz Green had a crush on her. And they were just seniors in high school. We were freshmen and they were like, here, catch up to us. And we started chugging screwdrivers. Just vodka, orange juice. Chugging them. I had like maybe 10 of them in a matter of 10 minutes. And I had eaten two slice of red velvet cake. And, dude, it was. It was. It was. I kept on puking red velvet cake everywhere. The parents wouldn't let me leave because they knew if I left they were going to jail. So they made me wait it out a full day. They, like, kidnapped me and kept me in their basement. I remember at one point my friend Liz was like, just puke in the bucket. And I looked at the bucket and.

[Big J Okerson]

Went, by the way, take alcohol out of it. Just orange juice and fucking red velvet cake. Sounds like that'll make you puke enough.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it was bad. It was really bad. But, yeah, I drank maybe two times before I graduated high school. And both of them were on New Year's Eve. Both of them ended in disaster.

[Big J Okerson]

He killed his mom. The other one. Oh, yeah, I. Oh, wow.

[Chris Faga]

Lewis got a lot of points.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I got a lot. I just really changed the game just now.

[Chris Faga]

Double points.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex, how are we doing over here on the board?

[Alex]

I have Chris Fago with one point.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Aaron Berg.

[Alex]

Aaron Berg with three points. Ari Shafir with six points, Lewis with 10 and Big J with 12 points in the lead.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The Story warriors are pulling ahead, though, which I do like.

[Big J Okerson]

We are pulling ahead.

[Luis J. Gomez]

If I don't win, I do hope Jay wins. I really mean that. Every.

[Big J Okerson]

I've had a rough go, guys.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Let's take a quick moment and talk about Mando, what an incredible company. To sponsor the show. Shopmando.com is a website. Total body deodorant. I know a lot of our fans are smelly, fat pieces of so deodorant for your armpits.

[Big J Okerson]

Even you ladies with your stank ass.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And stuff, you don't need deodorant just for your armpits, but everywhere, every crevice, your belly button, your balls, your grundle, they have. And your outer and your lips, they have you covered with.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't be shy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Genuinely incredible quality deodorant. Total body Deodorant that's clinically proven to control your odor for up to 272 hours. Showering and washing your balls alone doesn't get it done. If you travel, you spend a few hours in a car, you get out of the car, your ball stinks and your pussies. Well, Mando has you covered. And I'll tell you right now, they have, they have regular deodorant and a stick. They have cream deodorant. They even have aluminum free spray deodorant. But what we want you to do is check out their starter pack, which is absolutely incredible. It comes with your stick deodorant, comes with the cream deodorant. And then you get two products of your choice. I say get the ball wipes. It's essentially a Puerto Rican shower.

[Big J Okerson]

You can use them on your pussy, by the way. You can wipe your pussy with them.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think you can pH balance for a man, but strong enough. Paraben free, aluminum free baking soda free animal cruelty free. Right now just go to shopmando.com s h o p m a n d o dot com and use the promo code wars. When you check out, you're gonna get $5 off their starter pack. That's 40 off the starter pack. That's an amazing deal. Go there right now. Shopmando.com make sure you use that promo code wars with a Z for $5 off that starter pack.

[Big J Okerson]

Mando, wash your.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Let's get back into it.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, Story number six.

[Alex]

Story number six. Somebody once called the cops on me at midnight on New Year's and told them I was burning somewhere.

[Chris Faga]

Was this on the subway last week? That girl is on fire.

[Ari Shafir]

This is definitely a New York one. It sounds like this could be Ari someone.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah, this sounds like one of Lewis's crazy girlfriends. That's like he's burning someone alive, man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think this could be a Chris Vega story. Chris was into like lots of hijinks in his younger years.

[Aaron Berg]

That's fair.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I thought this was Ari throwing his big fat J into some tiny girl and then. And making noise. And then she was screaming. They thought you were burning her.

[Aaron Berg]

This is a noise complaint.

[Ari Shafir]

It could be that. I like that, Jay. I like your reasoning on that.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you.

[Chris Faga]

It's so hot. Oh, it's so hot.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, I. I imagine whoever it is was actually trying to light somebody on fire.

[Ari Shafir]

That's what I think, Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

I think it's Ari's penis. It has tactile veins, like forearms. I'm telling you, this is. This smells like Ari to me.

[Ari Shafir]

It could. It. I mean, you wouldn't know about it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

If the cops smells like Ari Bagels.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Yeah, this smells like Ari smoking him. Yeah. I mean.

[Ari Shafir]

Do degenerate.

[Aaron Berg]

Oh, God.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. So here's the problem. We don't know what the cops are called for, right?

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, it could just be.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm saying it's a noise complaint.

[Ari Shafir]

Tell him I was burning someone alive.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't think. If you feel like there's no. There's no dick big enough to make it sound like she's burning alive.

[Ari Shafir]

Jay, I would like to say the last sentence also.

[Big J Okerson]

Ari has a huge dick, and he'll.

[Ari Shafir]

Children who made the call. So maybe it was Chris Vega. Yeah, that same wording as before. You would call the cops to be like, he's burning someone alive in there. So that means. Oh, like Lewis, but Lewis calling someone on you.

[Big J Okerson]

All right. By the way, this was never more obviously ar than that horseshit explanation he just gave right there. This is fat dick Ari. I'm gonna draw his penis from memory.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm following. I'm following Jay partially only so he doesn't pull that much further ahead of me. If he's right, Ari Shafir with his fire cock.

[Big J Okerson]

Guys got such a fucking fire cock.

[Chris Faga]

This is double points. I mean, Ari hasn't had one yet. If I played the.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, I did have a story.

[Ari Shafir]

I did have a story about fucking a black chick.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, black chick story.

[Chris Faga]

Totally forgot about that.

[Big J Okerson]

He moved here for black chicks.

[Ari Shafir]

Has we had one for everybody yet? Oh, this is sick.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Guys, you can start voting. Jay's drawing a penis with a lot.

[Ari Shafir]

Of veins right now.

[Chris Faga]

It's okay for diarrhes. Ah, God damn, this is hard. Fuck. What the fuck, man?

[Luis J. Gomez]

For our audio listeners, Aaron's feeling. Feeling Ari's right now.

[Chris Faga]

It's not. No. Also, maybe she saw Ari's horns.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, that's true.

[Big J Okerson]

I drew Ari. I'm gonna go with Ari. Veiny.

[Chris Faga]

I think I don't know, man. This sucks. This is so hard.

[Big J Okerson]

Aaron, look at this veiny. And tell me it's not this guy. No, no. Right here.

[Chris Faga]

Pretty veiny.

[Big J Okerson]

They're tactile.

[Chris Faga]

You have that lighter still?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, please.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah, please.

[Aaron Berg]

You got a real talent, Jay.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah, please. Thank you.

[Ari Shafir]

Trying to think of another way to spell Lewis.

[Chris Faga]

L, O, O.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You spelled it right.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, I couldn't think of anything.

[Big J Okerson]

Panics.

[Ari Shafir]

Actually, I, like, changed my vote.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, you can't change your vote.

[Ari Shafir]

I'm telling you, it to Ari. No, you can't.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, cuz, you're already.

[Chris Faga]

Everyone's saying Ari.

[Alex]

Well, Alex, everyone is correct.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yes. Yeah.

[Chris Faga]

I am in the lead.

[Big J Okerson]

Ari.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Did I nail the whole reasoning?

[Luis J. Gomez]

No.

[Chris Faga]

What was it?

[Ari Shafir]

No, we were burning.

[Big J Okerson]

It wasn't just beautiful. It wasn't as beautiful. Big fat fanny dick. No, but tell me, be. Be honest. Is that right?

[Ari Shafir]

The head is small.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, nice. I like the war.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, what happened?

[Ari Shafir]

I was burning an effigy for New Year's Eve. Jumping over it, Ecuadorian style.

[Luis J. Gomez]

An effigy?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. You stuff like a burning man.

[Chris Faga]

I was burning an fag Ecuadorian style, and he was.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He was screaming like a woman.

[Chris Faga]

He's burning someone alive. It's not someone, it's a fag.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Leave them.

[Chris Faga]

They're barely people.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, you stuff. You stuff like, you know, jeans and a. And a sweater with, like, straw. We lit it on fire and then somebody. One of the neighbors called the cops, showed up, was like, are you burning someone alive? I mean, it looked like a human. Yeah, shaped like a human with that. Oh, it had a hat on and everything.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Nice.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. And then we were like, no. Yeah, we saw.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We.

[Ari Shafir]

They ran off. But, yeah, somebody was definitely burning this.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, now you finished that story.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Did I nail the head this time?

[Ari Shafir]

You got it right.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Chris Faga]

Shiitake mushroom.

[Big J Okerson]

You gave me two tries and a little bit of constructive criticism. I'll throw anybody's dick in this place.

[Chris Faga]

Do this, guys, and put Aladdin on the top. This crowd's great, man. I don't know what you guys are complaining about.

[Big J Okerson]

This guy's dick hair is wiry.

[Chris Faga]

You think so? He does pots and pans with it. This crowd's great, man. These comics suck.

[Big J Okerson]

What do the scores look like?

[Alex]

All right, you guys, on the scoreboard, I have Chris Fago with five points.

[Chris Faga]

Whoa.

[Alex]

Ari Shafir with six points. Aaron Berg with seven points.

[Chris Faga]

Oh, my God.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Anybody's game still, my friend.

[Alex]

Lewis J. Gomez with 14 and in the lead with 16 points. Big J. Okerson.

[Big J Okerson]

Been a while.

[Luis J. Gomez]

There's two stories left. It's truly anybody's game, folks. Dude, Alex, Story number seven.

[Alex]

Story number seven. The first time I went to a strip club.

[Ari Shafir]

Hang on, hang on one second. Alex, I'm so sorry. We see the scores again.

[Alex]

They should be up.

[Ari Shafir]

Thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, he's a story warrior. He just wants to boss you guys around. Oh, yeah, he has that right, I guess.

[Alex]

All right, story number seven. The first time I went to a strip club, I put a Heineken bottle in a chick's pussy. Then the girl that we were going to bring back to my friend's place got pistol whipped.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, if I've ever heard this sounds like the Sphaga origin story.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, the first time I went to.

[Aaron Berg]

A strip club, I was 16. And a bunch of guys that were older than me brought me and made fun of me because I only had known about strip clubs from movies. And they were literally like, he doesn't know. We could touch their titties. It's adorable.

[Big J Okerson]

And then, and then you ended up fucking her with a Heineken bottle. Dude, that's wacky.

[Chris Faga]

Once I touch those titties and those older guys are.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's drinking Heineken's right in front of us. If there's ever been more of a clue.

[Aaron Berg]

Can I get a Corona?

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, Acer guy. But here's the thing. Aaron drinking Heineken zeros. Which means he did drink Heineken at a time, possibly.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, that's the only. There's not many. There's the only non alcoholic beer that they have here. I don't think. I don't think he was drinking Heineken in Canada.

[Chris Faga]

And you have to bear in mind I respected strippers. I dated them, I love them. I would never put a Heineken bottle.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, we've all put a bottle inside of a stripper. But the specific Heineken bottle is the question here.

[Ari Shafir]

And being pistol whip says Heineken, why would they not change?

[Chris Faga]

Oh, he just made that point.

[Big J Okerson]

Fagola.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm going with Vega. Early answer. That's my instinct.

[Big J Okerson]

Can I tell you something? I'm gonna take a and say, Aaron the Mount Berg.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm glad you did that. I'm gonna pull ahead of you.

[Ari Shafir]

Might have been to a strip club the first time when he was working it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's true. He's like, I put a Heineken bottle in my ass.

[Ari Shafir]

That's Josh Adam Myers.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That was just silver.

[Chris Faga]

You look like you strip with a Heineken bottle in your. To Led Zeppelin. All right, There we go.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Oh, wow. What did you say? Louis said Vega.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I said Vega.

[Ari Shafir]

Vega. What do you say? Meaninglessly. Because it's you.

[Aaron Berg]

It's me?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

Also, the other stuff I said was also true.

[Ari Shafir]

Nice.

[Big J Okerson]

Same. Same trip.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Make it official.

[Alex]

Officially. That was Chris Fagan.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Chris Faga]

If I can.

[Big J Okerson]

You told the whole story. Except that before the story.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I mean that you literally wrote down the entire story that you could tell. Is there any more to it?

[Big J Okerson]

And then told us the rest beforehand. My friends told me older guys, but.

[Ari Shafir]

So you just went from there to go now?

[Big J Okerson]

Let's go.

[Aaron Berg]

I mean, I was on a lot of drugs.

[Chris Faga]

Where was this strip club?

[Aaron Berg]

Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, was it Sweet Cherries? Is that the one that.

[Aaron Berg]

Sweet Cherries was in Sunset Park. So this place was. It was a. It was a Russian club called the Coliseum. And then the Russian guys lost all their money and went to jail. And the black guys who ran security there ran an illegal strip club just on Wednesdays.

[Big J Okerson]

That's the.

[Aaron Berg]

What you went to called the Purple Lounge. Yeah, it was awesome.

[Ari Shafir]

And what do they run the strip club for? Double points.

[Aaron Berg]

Double points.

[Big J Okerson]

I respect it because it feels good, doesn't it?

[Ari Shafir]

It does.

[Big J Okerson]

Ari. Give it to him one more time because I'll tell you what. Because I fucked up. Vega got a little bit of points there. And it's not just the bullshit from the first four stories. It's. What?

[Ari Shafir]

No, he got double points.

[Chris Faga]

Keep it going for the Double Point Orchestra.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's the Roots.

[Big J Okerson]

It's the Roots. Roots. Take it away. Double points. Dude, let's just tell people the Roots are over there. Thank you, Roots. Quest. Love that guy could jam, right? How do we get him here for 30? How do we get in for 30 cumulative seconds a week?

[Luis J. Gomez]

We. We have one more story. What are the points, though? I'm very. I. I just pulled ahead on the scoreboard.

[Alex]

I have Chris Vega with seven points.

[Big J Okerson]

Back in the mix.

[Alex]

Ari Shafir with 10 points.

[Ari Shafir]

Finally some points.

[Alex]

Aaron Berg with 11 points.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone's climbing.

[Alex]

Big J. Okerson has 16 points and in the lead with 18 points. Lewis J. Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

That's enough. That's enough. Lewis. Lewis is gonna start his own library. Win so much. No, Boo Boo. Boo Boo is.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You know I root for you, Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

I know. Because you win so much.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I do. I can't win anymore. It's uncomfortable.

[Big J Okerson]

You're running out of room in your library.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I can't even.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, final story. No, it is Story.

[Alex]

Number eight.

[Big J Okerson]

Ooh.

[Alex]

My first blow job was from a Jewish girl named Pam Shapiro. It was all open mouth, no wetness.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like I just watched Ari. I just watched Ari live it in his eyes while he said it.

[Ari Shafir]

This could be someone would mention that it was a Jewish girl, which is Jay or I'm sorry, Lewis or.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, there's three Jews on the panel. We assume that you guys only make love to your own.

[Ari Shafir]

We wouldn't say it. No, we wouldn't say it, but we.

[Aaron Berg]

Know he black chicks.

[Ari Shafir]

We wouldn't say a Jewish girl.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I wouldn't say the full name because let's see how it's sued by some Jew.

[Chris Faga]

You don't think there's a lot of Pam Shapiro.

[Big J Okerson]

Listen, listen, listen. We have to do this very quick. If we decide to go with this idea.

[Aaron Berg]

Pam Shabira is a bouffant hairdo.

[Big J Okerson]

We should find out who's a great we should find out who's a great liar right now. And everybody say a name really quick of the person who blew you. I'll go first. Holly Klippel.

[Aaron Berg]

Emily. And I don't know her last name.

[Big J Okerson]

Ari.

[Ari Shafir]

Holly Krippel.

[Chris Faga]

Karen Feehan. After she broke up with Lewis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Mrs. Berg.

[Big J Okerson]

This could be Lewis, and it also.

[Ari Shafir]

Could be Mrs. Bird.

[Big J Okerson]

I guess technically this could be Mrs. Good. Shapiro's. Is her mom your mom's maiden name?

[Chris Faga]

My mom had, like, a really Jewy maiden name. I won't even say it. It's like Nazis would get angry.

[Big J Okerson]

Really?

[Chris Faga]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

My mom's Rosenberg. That's Jewish.

[Chris Faga]

They changed that. It was so Jewish.

[Ari Shafir]

What was it?

[Chris Faga]

It was Locke's Finkelstein.

[Ari Shafir]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, wow. That's amazing. Rosenberg. It was never my name, but I don't think my mom ever got made fun of for that. But Finkelstein gets made fun of for sure.

[Chris Faga]

What was yours? Rosenberg.

[Big J Okerson]

Rosenberg.

[Chris Faga]

That's what I used to use. My fake stage name was Brandon Rosenberg.

[Ari Shafir]

Really?

[Big J Okerson]

The accountant stripper? Yeah.

[Chris Faga]

Who's ready to collect?

[Big J Okerson]

It's tax season, you sluts. This fiscal year is getting longer. I just nutted on your tits. That's a write off. I mean, I want to say Ari, but this could also be Louis, I think.

[Ari Shafir]

Louis. Who else would notice that it was a Jewish girl?

[Chris Faga]

Louis grew up.

[Ari Shafir]

Is there a real Jews?

[Big J Okerson]

He did grow up with Jews.

[Chris Faga]

You grew up with Jews?

[Ari Shafir]

Well, I. I didn't know anyone named Pam Shapiro.

[Chris Faga]

Sure, but Rick Shapiro, Robert Shapiro.

[Ari Shafir]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

Again, Chris lives and grew up in Brooklyn. His first blowjob definitely could have been a Jewish girl and he was in Brooklyn and probably would have pointed out that she was Jewish. Aaron wouldn't probably point out that she was Jewish. I would. Even though I'm Jewish, I'd still point out I was a Jew broad. This, to me, feels Ari, Louis, Chris or Aaron?

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's everyone, Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, not Aaron. This wasn't Aaron.

[Aaron Berg]

Jewish girls suck a lot of dick, Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

Aaron doesn't call this out. I don't think Ari calls this out. Oh, good, good, good.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I left the parties.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a P. Diddy joke, everybody. Were you guys all at the parties? No one wants to acknowledge it.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, yeah, no, I was there. No, I was cool enough to be there, but I thought early. I always left early, oddly.

[Big J Okerson]

You and Jamie Fox. Dude, I'm gonna.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna go with my first instincts one more time for the end of the game. I'm going. Ari Shafir. Ari's trying to throw us off with his Jew talk. We assumed it was a Jew. We didn't need to point out the Jew. Ari's also one of the only people who would put the full name Ari Shaffir.

[Ari Shafir]

I would like to take back that I left early from those parties. I stayed.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm going with Lewis J. Gomez.

[Ari Shafir]

The way you said that was so obviously Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

And yet.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was.

[Ari Shafir]

Ari Vega is there too.

[Big J Okerson]

Absolutely.

[Ari Shafir]

And Berg would say it's notable to a Jewish girl.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't think it's you anymore. And I can't attend to Lewis and Fagan. I think this is Louis. Gentlemen, go on, work it out.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Everyone's first blowjob was Kristen Welsh. The girl who lost my virginity too.

[Big J Okerson]

Yup. Now that you've had tons of time to think about it, that's what I would do.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tons of time was the name of the girl that Jay lost his virginity to.

[Big J Okerson]

Her name was Holly.

[Aaron Berg]

She was at the Purple Lounge.

[Big J Okerson]

Her name was Holly Clipple and she was very thin.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tons of time.

[Big J Okerson]

Tons of time As a girl. I used to drive to parties. Took me through two chassis.

[Aaron Berg]

She charges by the pound and by the hour.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Ari says.

[Big J Okerson]

Louhives.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Louieves Vega.

[Ari Shafir]

Vega sure likes to go last a lot.

[Aaron Berg]

This is where they sat me.

[Ari Shafir]

Gamesmanship.

[Aaron Berg]

All right, yeah, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. Lewis as well, you fool.

[Ari Shafir]

Because I do kind of think it's.

[Aaron Berg]

I do kind of think it's Jay Panic.

[Big J Okerson]

He said Fuel instead of fools. He's panicking. It is Lewis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, I'm just reading it like ES Fuel.

[Big J Okerson]

You Fuse fuels you. Fuels Alex. Final story. Everyone's answers are in.

[Ari Shafir]

I have one question. Is this for regular points or is this for. Is this for double points?

[Chris Faga]

Everybody keep it going for the double points orchestra.

[Ari Shafir]

I got to read that book. I love it.

[Chris Faga]

Quest.

[Ari Shafir]

Love.

[Chris Faga]

I love it.

[Ari Shafir]

Forgot he was here. What a crazy guy.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex.

[Alex]

Well, guys, this is in fact, for double points. And with a clean sweep, I have Aaron Berg.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Ari Shafir]

Wow, wow, wow, wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait, let Aaron tell the story first.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, my God.

[Chris Faga]

I liked Rebecca. She was this real stocky chick. We went to high school together. Stocky but attractive. You know, Jew attract.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, no, she was like in the stock market. He loves stocky.

[Big J Okerson]

She was very stocky. All of her money was tied up in it. She couldn't pay for anything.

[Luis J. Gomez]

500, she was.

[Chris Faga]

And Pam Shapiro would just hang out with us. And Pam was this little short. And I'm short. She was shorter than me. We'd smoke cigarettes all the time. And we got high. And she blew me on this bench near the basketball courts. And this is how she blew. Like, just licks. Like, no wetness at all. And I couldn't come. But it was really fun. It's still. She holds a special place in my memory.

[Ari Shafir]

Can I just tell you, when you said that that chick over there looked at you like, wait, is that not the way to blow people?

[Big J Okerson]

Nope.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No. She sucks his dick so hard that his mustache curled up.

[Ari Shafir]

Girls, it was a flat one, but for.

[Chris Faga]

Yeah, I'm about to come. Hurry up. I got to get to the railroad tracks.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, the final scores are. What?

[Chris Faga]

Wow.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't know who won.

[Chris Faga]

No matter what. That's the best I've ever done.

[Ari Shafir]

Eight there, right here.

[Alex]

Let's see on the scoreboard, with seven points, in last place, Chris Faga. In fourth place, with 10 points, Ari Shafir.

[Ari Shafir]

Thank you. It was fun just to be here. Allah Akbar.

[Alex]

In third place, with 16 points, Big J. Okerson.

[Big J Okerson]

Damn, I thought I had it.

[Ari Shafir]

By the way, it's only this close because for the second half we went with double points.

[Chris Faga]

Keep it going for Quest. Love, everybody. We're gonna be right back playing beer pong with Paul Walker.

[Big J Okerson]

Everybody loves the Roots. Roots, everybody.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, my God, bro. Been a fan for a while.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you. Black. Thought. We've got it from here.

[Ari Shafir]

Okay.

[Alex]

In second place, it's Louis. With 18 points, Luis J. Gomez, your winner tonight with 19 points, Aaron Burr.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Look how happy he was.

[Chris Faga]

I can't believe it. I'm so happy I left my family.

[Big J Okerson]

Aaron Berg, you're taking home Shadow of Death. With sharp character development and intense, fast paced plot, Shadow of Death is a compelling thriller that combines elements of medical suspense, mystery, and psychological drama. Aaron Burke, you are officially a story warrior, my friend.

[Chris Faga]

Thank you, everybody.

[Ari Shafir]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

Aaron, now give it a shot, buddy.

[Chris Faga]

Oh, we're going to be doing double points.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Keep it going for the roots.

[Chris Faga]

We're going to be right back with Nate Bar.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wow. Holy shit. Congratulations, Aaron.

[Big J Okerson]

How about a big, big, big round of applause for all of our guests tonight, everybody? Of course, Chris Vega, the great Ari Shafir, your newest story warrior, Aaron Berg. I'm Big J. Okerson for Luis J. Gomez and the rest of the story warrior, everybody. We'll catch you next time on Story Wars. Good night.