025. Dan Soder, Joe List , & Robert Kelly | Embarrassment

Summary

Podcast Summary: Story Warz Episode 025 – Dan Soder, Joe List, & Robert Kelly | Embarrassment

Release Date: January 24, 2025

Introduction

In Episode 025 of Story Warz, hosted by GaS Digital Network, the lively comedy show takes center stage at The Stand Comedy Club in New York City. Big Jay Oakerson and Louis J. Gomez—the show's resident Story Warriors—welcome their special guests: Dan Soder, known for the "You Know What Dude" and "Reg's Podcast"; Joe List, a staple from "Tuesday's Missouri's" and "Reg's"; and Robert Kelly, beloved from "The Bonfire." This episode revolves around the theme of embarrassment, challenging each comedian to share and decipher each other's most cringe-worthy moments.

Game Setup

The core of Story Warz is a game of storytelling and deception. Each panelist submits three to five embarrassing stories centered on the week's topic. Big Jay explains the rules:

“[03:43] Big J Okerson: … it is complete random when the story pops up. If it is your story, you're the only person who knows that. It is your job to fool people to make them think that it's not your story. If it is not your story, it is your job to guess whose story it is.”

Points are awarded for correctly guessing the story's owner (2 points) and for successfully tricking others into believing a story is yours (1 point).

Round 1: Story Sharing and Early Banter

The first round kicks off with guests sharing their stories. Robert Kelly begins with a humorous anecdote about peers wanting to smoke cigars on stage, leading to playful ribbing among the panelists.

“[03:43] Robert Kelly: No smoking cigars tonight. People hate it. They fucking hate.”

As Alex reads stories from the board, the room fills with laughter and jokes about each other's habits and past podcast escapades. Dan Soder expresses concern about the competitiveness of the game:

“[02:39] Dan Soder: It is a very special Story wars regs crossover, everyone. How fun is this gonna be? We may, we may know each other too well to do the show…”

Notable Quote:

“[08:29] Big J Okerson: Bobby likes self help. And before there was a market for self help, all we had was Martin Luther King's I have a dream speech.”

Sponsor Break: Yo Kratom

Midway through, the hosts take a moment to acknowledge Yo Kratom as a sponsor, promoting their high-quality Kratom products available for delivery.

Round 2: Double Points and Intensifying Competition

With the introduction of double points, the second half of the game ramps up the competition. Alex presents more embarrassing stories, prompting fierce but humorous debates about their authenticity and ownership.

A standout moment occurs when Robert Kelly narrates a tale about leaving a CD of MLK's speech in his car to deter break-ins, leading to witty exchanges:

“[09:03] Big J Okerson: Bobby likes self help...”

Notable Quote:

“[19:52] Louis J. Gomez: All right, it is.”

As stories continue, tensions and laughter escalate, especially when Joe List skillfully deceives his peers, earning significant points by mimicking others' storytelling styles.

Climactic Final Rounds

The final stories lead to a dramatic tiebreaker. The panelists engage in a heated yet comical showdown, attempting to outsmart one another with increasingly outrageous claims and humorous accusations of cheating.

“[77:31] Alex: That was Louis J. Gomez.”

Notable Quote:

“[83:04] Dan Soder: And my feelings are hurt. I'm so mad at my production team.”

Conclusion: Declaring the Winner

After a series of intense rounds and point tallies, Bobby Kelly emerges victorious, securing the grand prize—"Murder at the Sunshine Mental Asylum" by Danielle Rittenhauer. The hosts celebrate his win with spirited cheers and playful jabs, culminating in a heartfelt congratulations.

“[96:43] Dan Soder: The original story Warrior, the real estate, the ultimate minority. Already the king of things, Puerto Rican rattlesnake takes the lead.”

Final Remarks

The episode wraps up with acknowledgments of sponsors like Turtle Beach, promoting their top-tier gaming headsets, and closing with warm wishes for Alex's birthday. The camaraderie and competitive spirit highlight the episode, making it a memorable installment of Story Warz.

Highlighted Quotes:

• Big Jay Oakerson [03:43]: “… it is completely random when the story pops up. If it is your story, you're the only person who knows that. It is your job to fool people to make them think that it's not your story.”

• Dan Soder [02:39]: “We may, we may know each other too well to do the show…”

• Robert Kelly [08:29]: “Bobby likes self help. And before there was a market for self help, all we had was Martin Luther King's I have a dream speech.”

• Louis J. Gomez [19:33]: “He goes, it's my shit finger.”

• Big Jay Oakerson [76:03]: “It's Bobby.”

Takeaways

Episode 025 of Story Warz excels in blending structured gameplay with spontaneous comedy. The dynamic interactions between Big Jay, Louis J. Gomez, and their guests Dan Soder, Joe List, and Robert Kelly create a vibrant atmosphere filled with laughter, strategic deception, and heartfelt moments. Whether you're a regular listener or new to the show, this episode offers an entertaining glimpse into the art of comedic storytelling and the joys of friendly competition.

Transcript

[Big J Okerson]

Fill her up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're listening to the GAS Digital Network.

[Dan Soder]

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Story wars with.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The Story Warriors, Big J Okerson and Louis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, look out. He's going to war, everybody. Welcome to Story wars, everybody. We are your Story Warriors. Big J Okerson, the Puerto Rican rattlesnake, Louis J. Gomez. You've come on a fantastic night, everybody. We have an amazing story awards for you. I'm gonna get these guests up here so we can start rocking and rolling. Our first guest coming to the stage, everybody. You know him and love him from the you know what dude podcast as well as the regs podcast and he is also my work husband, everybody. Over at the bonfire. How about it for the hilarious Robert Kelly, everybody? Totally cool. Totally cool.

[Dan Soder]

And our second contestant coming to the stage, you know, from Tuesday's Missouri's and 1/4 of the regs, ladies and gentlemen.

[Big J Okerson]

It'S Joe west and everybody, our final guest. Last but not least, everybody you know, I'm from the Soder podcast as well as the regs, everybody. How about it for the legend Dan Soder, everybody.

[Dan Soder]

It is a very special Story wars regs crossover, everyone. How fun is this gonna be? We may, we may know each other too well to do the show. Everyone is actual real friends.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Do you think there'll be a stalemate?

[Dan Soder]

We'll.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We're all guess it. I mean this game is built though where that I feel nervous about my stories. I feel like you guys are all going to know them.

[Robert Kelly]

I had to. I had to dig deep cuz I've said every.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Upon laying out the the subject this week, we did all think it's like these are the things we all tell each other.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

To make each other laugh. So it's going to be a little difficult but real quick for anybody. Anybody here not familiar with the game at all. Nice.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wow. Wow. Dude, Jay, you lining up those shots in that shirt looks so menacing now.

[Big J Okerson]

By the time I get to this one, I'm gonna put this hand across that side of your face after this one.

[Dan Soder]

Jay looks like he's about to do that knife game with his hand.

[Robert Kelly]

Jay, he's not coming back.

[Big J Okerson]

Let it go, Daddy, please. For those of you watching at home who don't understand the game, I'll give a quick explanation right here. All five of the people on the panel today, including me and Louis, have submitted three to five stories on one given subject to this week's subject, Louis.

[Dan Soder]

Embarrassment.

[Big J Okerson]

Embarrassment. Ooh, it's a goodie, everybody. Alex will read off these Stories, one at a time, in no particular order. It can be the same person twice or three times in a row for all that matters. It is completely random when the story pops up. If it's your story, you're the only person who knows that. It is your job to fool people to make them think that it's not your story. If it is not your story, it is your job to guess whose story it is.

[Dan Soder]

Once you write your person's name down on the dry erase board and put it in the slot, that's it. That's your final answer. You can't change it. You get two points every time you guess the correct story. You get one point for every person you fool. I know it sounds a little bit confusing, but you guys are going to catch on pretty quickly.

[Big J Okerson]

You are going to catch on very quickly. And I want you to know that when we come here, store.

[Dan Soder]

Hey.

[Joe List]

Bobby wants to know if he's allowed to smoke.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Joe List]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

No. Yes.

[Joe List]

He wants to know.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no.

[Dan Soder]

What I. I said, I was like, maybe we shouldn't smoke cigars on stage.

[Robert Kelly]

That's not what you said. You said no smoking cigars tonight. People hate it. They fucking hate.

[Dan Soder]

That's not the way I said it.

[Big J Okerson]

Which is.

[Robert Kelly]

That's the way we hear it.

[Joe List]

And they chain smoke. These guys chain smoke at Legion of Skanks. And Lewis claims that people don't mind cigarettes, but they mine cigars.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Cigars.

[Big J Okerson]

They mind them the opposite.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Who minds cigar smoke?

[Joe List]

Yeah, exactly. Fucking Billy Joel.

[Robert Kelly]

He said Billy Joel.

[Big J Okerson]

The way these went.

[Dan Soder]

It's a piano man. He's got to sing at the Garden tomorrow night.

[Robert Kelly]

He really does have those butthole eyes like Billy Joel.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice butthole eyes, Billy Joel.

[Dan Soder]

Smoke a cigar. Give me one. I don't give a shit. Can somebody get my cigar from the green room that I left and I didn't smoke on stage.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You mean the green room where you left us and didn't tell us the show was starting?

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I have a production staff that doesn't do their fucking jobs.

[Big J Okerson]

If you guys want to know why this is getting so intense, it's because the winner of tonight's game takes home Murder at the Sunshine Mental Asylum by Danielle Rittenhouse.

[Dan Soder]

Great book. It's a great book. I read it twice.

[Big J Okerson]

Murder at the Sunshine Mental Asylum by Danielle Rittenhour. Yep. Is a psychological mystery novel set in a mental health facility. The story follows the investigation of a murder that occurs at the Sun Sign Mental Asylum, where the main characters, a mix of patients and staff, become entangled in a web of secrets, lies and deceit.

[Dan Soder]

Straight from the Story wars library.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Now, this is a coloring book. The front of it looks like a coloring book.

[Robert Kelly]

Lewis did it twice.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He goes, no outside the lines for this guy.

[Joe List]

Can I ask one question for Bobby? Wanted to know if we could get some French fries.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't fucking say that.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, we all believe that. Bobby asked about the French fries and ketchup.

[Big J Okerson]

You picked the right person to throw under the bus. On that side of the table for sure.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Joe's gonna be good at this. Joe?

[Robert Kelly]

This is your new thing? Just hacking me under the bus?

[Joe List]

Yeah, it's funny.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, got it. I am eyeing that fucking pizza. Eat that, you piece of shit. Who the fuck lets a pepperoni pie just sit?

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're about to get attacked like you're at a zoo.

[Dan Soder]

I did. I did end a fast today. I really could use a slice of pizza right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Can I tell you something?

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, I asked first.

[Big J Okerson]

So can I tell you something right now, though? You're also witnessing Bobby. His favorite kind of pepperoni. The ones that turn up and become little grease cups.

[Robert Kelly]

Grease cups. It is my favorite.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, it's like if you cut off a nipple, that's what would happen to it. It would turn upward and inside out. Don't ask me how I know.

[Joe List]

Grease cups is what I call Italian tits.

[Dan Soder]

Hell, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice.

[Joe List]

Wow. This is like a $40 pizza.

[Dan Soder]

He gave you the whole pizza?

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby, don't put the pizza on the drawer. You got it right on the board.

[Joe List]

Where the fuck are Bobby's fries?

[Big J Okerson]

Wait.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There you go.

[Robert Kelly]

That was the fattest thing I've ever seen.

[Joe List]

That looks very good.

[Big J Okerson]

It is very good. Good job. No, I'm okay. We have a great game to play right here. I asked the audience, are you guys ready for war? Alex, our first story, please.

[Alex]

Story number one. I had a copy of MLK's I have a Dream speech on a CD that I would frequently listened to in my 20s. I would leave it on the front seat of my car so that people wouldn't break in.

[Big J Okerson]

What kind of people?

[Louis J. Gomez]

What do you think, Jay?

[Joe List]

You already have your answer.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Easy. This is easy.

[Joe List]

That was fast.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He gave away something in the story.

[Joe List]

You didn't even. You didn't even question.

[Dan Soder]

I freaking listened to my 20s. He was in his 20s when MLK.

[Louis J. Gomez]

With CDS that was there. Dude, I was fucking next to the pond, dude.

[Dan Soder]

I was up front.

[Robert Kelly]

I think I just swallowed a Zinn.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby. Ew, Bobby.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's gonna die of toxic shock syndrome from Pizza and Zinn.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby likes self help. And before there was a market for self help, all we had was Martin Luther King's I have a dream speech. And I feel like Bobby is a guy that would gear himself up with this speech in the car.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I have a dream too, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Guys, first of all, I'm from.

[Big J Okerson]

It doesn't involve blacks mixing with whites, but I got one.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, well, I'm from Boston. I'm not listening to Martin Luther King.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but I do think you're. If you're going. You're like, you know, putting that CD down. Like, there's blacks here.

[Dan Soder]

If you put that CD on your front, at the front of your car in Boston, somebody would throw a brick through it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. In Southy, they'd destroy your car for having.

[Robert Kelly]

Second of all, it's. I had tapes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I'm old.

[Joe List]

See, this is interesting, because I was convinced it was soda immediately. And then you wrote down Bobby, so it can't be you because you all think you already have the answer.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, well, it can be.

[Dan Soder]

Or Joe's playing the game like 3D chess right now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Joe's fucking orchestrated.

[Dan Soder]

Joe is a faggot. So this could easily be Joe if you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If we randomly threw out part of the speech and he just started lip syncing along with it. He's like, I have been down to the Valley. I've been up to the top.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not. It's Jay. That's how I got his fucking middle spots back in Philly.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think there is something to that.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me just throw this in, you guys.

[Big J Okerson]

In my 20s, if I was listening to MLK speaking in the back of the Laugh House, dude, they would have loved me more, for sure. They definitely.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hey, young brother.

[Dan Soder]

That's how we got on Bad Boys of Comedy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You know that comedy club finally named a thing after me, the black comedy club I started at, and it was a meatball sandwich. It was a meatball sandwich.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, keep the name.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, Meatball. The big J. Louis also really enjoys. Listen, he likes being motivated and inspired by other men.

[Joe List]

Steve Jobs.

[Big J Okerson]

You got a tattoo of a computer and he didn't.

[Robert Kelly]

He was the first one to really not have a dad.

[Big J Okerson]

That's very true.

[Dan Soder]

My dad also kind of looked like Martin Luther King, to be honest.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, in your recollection, it was Afro Latino.

[Dan Soder]

Afro Latino. This could be. This could be any of you guys.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He has been quiet about it.

[Joe List]

I know. I got mine.

[Robert Kelly]

Can you use your fucking rage to get my cap off? Thank you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

From the hills of Selma. He pulled it off with the strength of mlk.

[Joe List]

I got it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Little black boys and little white girls.

[Dan Soder]

Dan does know, by the way, Dan knows so much of the speech. Dan has named four or five straight up lines.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. If Martin Luther King said little black boys and little white girls.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

That speech would have not went over quite as well.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think that was.

[Big J Okerson]

Excuse me, your little black boys in my little.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm sorry, Jay, that was Black Dot Com.

[Big J Okerson]

That guy had a dream too. The owner of Black Dot com had a dream. I'm gonna go.

[Dan Soder]

You know what Martin Luther King's dream was? Bobby's nightmare.

[Joe List]

No, it's Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm going, not Lewis.

[Robert Kelly]

Because Lewis didn't have a car until like last year.

[Big J Okerson]

That's not true.

[Robert Kelly]

And then he smashed it.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, yeah, I had a car when I was 16 years old. It did not have a CD player in it though. It had a tape deck.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. The other thing too. In his 20s. I knew Lewis in his 20s. He did not have a car. He barely had feet. Seriously, I don't know if his shoes and socks matched.

[Dan Soder]

Dude, I would buy new socks all the time instead of washing my soc sucks.

[Big J Okerson]

Models, dude, models. I know. Your move, dude.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You wouldn't return them though, right?

[Dan Soder]

I'm gonna go with my instinct. I always try to. This whole game today, I will be going with my gut instinct every time. First choice, Joe List. He's gay. He likes stuff like this.

[Joe List]

I'm sticking with Lewis.

[Dan Soder]

You know Joe List.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think it's Bobby.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm going with Bobby.

[Dan Soder]

Guys, we have no idea who it is.

[Robert Kelly]

I found out who he was like four years ago. It's not me.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you listen to the speech.

[Robert Kelly]

It's Joe. Because Joe's a lib cuck.

[Joe List]

It's Lewis J. I'll bet my life on it.

[Dan Soder]

She did notice a little penis. That's not my little penis. That's anybody's little penis. It should be pointed out.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, it's. It's relative to the name Luis J. Gomez with a little penis.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, it is.

[Dan Soder]

It is very close to my un. Erect penis size. I gotta be honest with you.

[Big J Okerson]

That.

[Dan Soder]

But that's a hard penis.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm looking at it through a glass, so it looks nice.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, it does look pretty nice, dude. Alex, all the answers are in.

[Alex]

Well, that was Joe List, everybody.

[Robert Kelly]

I told you, he's a lip.

[Joe List]

I lived in Harlem. Don't you remember?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Soda.

[Joe List]

Should have known. We Were. We were riding and dying together, but you wouldn't come up there for whatever reason.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I went up there.

[Joe List]

Yeah, you did. One time. You were very nervous about it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, well, he had to wait till he had a copy of the Autobiography of Malcolm X. I think the rule.

[Joe List]

Should be, as soon as you write something down, you gotta stick with it because he has.

[Dan Soder]

Louis, once it. We have a rule. Once you put it in the.

[Joe List]

I know there should be a new rule that allows me to do better.

[Big J Okerson]

You didn't do bad, buddy.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, you. You fooled some people. Joe, tell us what happened here. This is the soldier. What else is there about it?

[Joe List]

I was really. You know, I was a liberal cuck for a long time, and I was into mlk, but I also.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You were into it.

[Joe List]

I like the speech. It's a good speech.

[Big J Okerson]

Most people have, like, a Doors or a Zeppelin phase. You had an MLK phase.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't know how you get into a band late.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna sound crazy, but MLK had some good stuff.

[Big J Okerson]

Yo, I've gotten. I've gotten super in the Bob Marley and MLK lately.

[Joe List]

Well, and I also. I lived in Harlem, and I was a nervous Nelly, so I also. I had that Nelly's a different black guy. What's that?

[Dan Soder]

Nelly is a different black guy.

[Robert Kelly]

You said.

[Big J Okerson]

I.

[Robert Kelly]

Forget it.

[Joe List]

I would keep my basketball in the front seat, too, next to the ML.

[Robert Kelly]

You just had shit so you could get home safe.

[Joe List]

It would look like wild. Holy shit.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. What type of car was it?

[Joe List]

It was a Monte Carlo. Like a 1998 Monte Carlo.

[Big J Okerson]

Honestly, though, did you have a canceled check?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Tell me this, if you walked by that Monte Carlo and you looked into that car, would you not go, this is a black dude.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, I probably would, but just a Monte Carlo in general. I'm like.

[Robert Kelly]

Especially because he had braids, a baseball.

[Joe List]

I would do blackface whenever I was in my car.

[Big J Okerson]

Also, MLK speech, a canceled check for child support.

[Robert Kelly]

What'd you do to your lips?

[Dan Soder]

So did it work, though? Did anybody ever break into your car?

[Joe List]

That was funnier. I just didn't want to. Yes, Sandy. Because I felt racist. What? No, I never broke in my car. I mean, also, I just lived out in a nice neighborhood. It was, like, 127. It was like a nice neighborhood.

[Dan Soder]

It was completely gentrified. It was all white people.

[Big J Okerson]

Black guy in the neighborhood. Let's take his basketball.

[Joe List]

Becky. I'll put a Dominican flag in his. When he lived in Washington Heights, he.

[Big J Okerson]

Got his car robbed and then started Living with the Dominican flag in his way. I think it was a CD that spun.

[Dan Soder]

I would rather be robbed and murdered than people think I'm Dominican. I really mean that. I swear to God.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I've got terrible news. Louis.

[Joe List]

Are you not Dominican?

[Dan Soder]

Come on, Alex. Where are our points at?

[Alex]

All right. On the scoreboard, I have Big J and dan Soder with 0 points each.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck you.

[Alex]

And Louis, Bobby and Joe all tied with two points each.

[Big J Okerson]

All right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wait, so you got points because you tricked Jay and I?

[Joe List]

Yeah, you deflect the people off.

[Dan Soder]

One point for every person you trick. Two points every time you guess the right person.

[Joe List]

I would have gotten away with the game before.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I was wondering if he could guess himself. I was seeing that.

[Joe List]

Where are Bobby's fries that he wanted with ketchup?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want fries.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby, can we get through the show without the fry? You need the fries. Bobby needs the fries.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want show fries with no chili fries.

[Joe List]

I. Soda. One, one, two. One on each of my arms.

[Big J Okerson]

Can you ask the manager if he even got Bobby's rider or if he just doesn't give a. I did not order fries.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I am having a succulent Chinese meal.

[Joe List]

Two orders.

[Dan Soder]

Bobby. Bobby also wants the waitresses to kiss each other right now. Bobby.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't want that.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby.

[Dan Soder]

Bobby wants it.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want it.

[Big J Okerson]

Girls, can you just kiss so we can move on with the show?

[Dan Soder]

It's not even a big deal. Bobby's a real pervert.

[Joe List]

And a freak with one tit out each.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I won't do it, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

No. I want to because I respect you. I'm going to look away, but for Bobby, please. Hey, guys, real quick. Let's talk about one of our awesome sponsors over here at Story wars, everyone, and that is yo kratom, home of the $60 kilo. That sounds like we're just on a loop because we've been saying it for years and years. Because no matter what changes in the world, that price does not $60 kilos of lab tested, high quality Kratom delivered right to your door. Now, this is for people over the age of 21 who are already in the market for Kratom. We're not suggesting you start doing Kratom, but if you're already in the market for Kratom, why not get it from Yo Kratom? It is the highest quality and it is coming right to your door. And they are the marquee sponsors for Skank Fest every year. And just kind of support everything. Every kind of comedy that you love out there. So support the people that support us. Go to yocratom.com home of the 60 kilo. All right, let's get back into it.

[Dan Soder]

Alex. Story number two.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nice.

[Alex]

Story number two. One time I scratched my asshole in my sleep and my girl woke up mad at me because she smelled my shit finger.

[Joe List]

Whoever it is, is to my right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, that's the thing. You got fucking 15 years of storytelling between us.

[Dan Soder]

We know, like, finger is a Bobby wording.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I would say it's absolutely Bobby wording.

[Joe List]

But she sometimes changes the wording to throw people off the scene.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, but she doesn't know Bobby wording.

[Robert Kelly]

And I've been. I've been married for almost 20 years.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but you got.

[Dan Soder]

But you former hot.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You have a lot of former.

[Robert Kelly]

What's wrong with you?

[Big J Okerson]

Also, your girl. Your. Your wife recently left from a fart. So, I mean, smelling your finger just does seem on brand work.

[Dan Soder]

And it says, my girl does.

[Big J Okerson]

See, my girl.

[Dan Soder]

That could be your wife or it could be your girlfriend before your wife. And you would say, bobby, read this. Read this right now in your voice.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, one time I scratched my.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, don't try to change it. Read it like you would read it.

[Robert Kelly]

That's not fair.

[Dan Soder]

That's not in the rules.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, it's not fair that Joe put his cigar under my face.

[Joe List]

Well, don't worry. Your french fries will. Will help.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't know how to.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If I had a joint, I'd smoke so much weed.

[Big J Okerson]

Where are the fries? They're freaking out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'll read it as Bobby. One time I scratched my asshole in my sleep, and my girl woke up mad at me, dude. Because she smelled my finger. My shit finger. Shit fingers.

[Dan Soder]

So, Bobby, shit fingers.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like that should be the name of your next album, in fact, because it's.

[Big J Okerson]

So Bobby, I was going to lay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So Bobby.

[Big J Okerson]

I was going to lay off of acknowledging that. I was like, do these guys not know that Bobby's shit finger.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Broke that case wide open?

[Big J Okerson]

Welp, Alex, tell us what we already know. Shit finger.

[Alex]

That was Robert Kelly.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Alex]

Can I say I. I actually. Actually tried to change the wording of that, and he insisted that I use the term finger.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is the thing about serial killers. They always get caught. Cause of their ego. Yeah, Bobby, if he did that one more clue, he could have got away from it.

[Dan Soder]

Bobby's like the wet Bandits.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

He's like, I gotta leave my mark, dude. I hate that I'm known for shiftinger.

[Dan Soder]

Was it dawn or was it a different girlfriend?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Bobby.

[Big J Okerson]

It was.

[Robert Kelly]

It was. It was dawn. I got. I guess I got hemorrhoids or something. I had itchy ass a lot.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, my God.

[Robert Kelly]

So I woke up in the middle of the night, sleep, itching.

[Joe List]

Cancel Bobby's fries.

[Robert Kelly]

I was too tired and I fell asleep like this. And then she woke up. She goes, what the fuck is on your finger? And I was like, ah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He goes, it's my shit finger.

[Robert Kelly]

That's it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's the song.

[Big J Okerson]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Robert Kelly]

What did you just say to me?

[Louis J. Gomez]

She goes, you shit finger. The last part.

[Dan Soder]

Hold on, I gotta write that down.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shit finger came to me in my sleep. So we all got points.

[Dan Soder]

We all got points.

[Joe List]

Bobby didn't. Bobby got zero points.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but he already had points.

[Robert Kelly]

You can't pick yourself.

[Dan Soder]

No, just asked that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Everyone acted all weird about it.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Alex, where are points at?

[Alex]

With two points each, I have Big J, Bobby and Dan Soder. And tied for the lead with four points each, Lewis and Joe List.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Fucking nerds.

[Dan Soder]

Nerds.

[Big J Okerson]

It's the same score as the first round is everyone knew. Bobby.

[Joe List]

The French fries.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Joe, we get it. Are you gonna have his insulin spike?

[Dan Soder]

Joe, they're gonna bring the fries when they're finished cooking, you lunatic.

[Robert Kelly]

He's not gonna stop.

[Joe List]

What's that?

[Dan Soder]

Why'd you have dance it so far from you if you're the only two that smoke weed?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Because they're rude, I guess.

[Big J Okerson]

Because we're rude.

[Joe List]

Alex, the. Is that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

Number three, lightly. Well, no, Bobby, now I need ashtray.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, I don't know what to do.

[Joe List]

I could decline in my french fries.

[Robert Kelly]

I love both of you. Doesn't he have an asterisk?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Here, I'll just give it back.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you.

[Dan Soder]

Story number three.

[Alex]

Story number three.

[Big J Okerson]

Story number 3.

[Robert Kelly]

What story is it?

[Dan Soder]

Number three?

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, story number three, please.

[Robert Kelly]

So that comes after two. Story number three.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Joe List]

One time I took a shit so bad it was a number three.

[Dan Soder]

They won't do it for you guys. We're the story warriors.

[Joe List]

Story number three.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So what are we? Soldiers without a nation?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. You know what?

[Dan Soder]

You guys are story number three.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That didn't even make sense. That's how your army's gonna fail. That didn't make sense.

[Big J Okerson]

It does make sense.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's not sop.

[Big J Okerson]

No. Cause you guys are story number three.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, everyone knows. One, two. Story number three.

[Joe List]

Did you do my joke so I can hear it with the thing? I took a shit so big that it was A number three.

[Dan Soder]

I took a shit so big, it was a number three.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Got it.

[Dan Soder]

It worked.

[Big J Okerson]

That makes sense because it would be. I took a shit so big it was a story number three.

[Robert Kelly]

It was.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Here come your fries.

[Robert Kelly]

Look how happy he is. Look how happy he is. He was smiling in here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Whatever us.

[Joe List]

Build the wall. Build the wall.

[Big J Okerson]

Whatever horrors that man had to experience to stay in our fine country, it was all worth it for that moment.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He went back to the kitchen. He's like, you know, the guy that orders the steak all the time.

[Big J Okerson]

Worth it.

[Joe List]

Curious. When did you order your fries? Oh, okay. This place just sucks.

[Dan Soder]

Alex.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Story.

[Dan Soder]

Story number Trace.

[Robert Kelly]

If you have a funny bone in your body, you'll never bring those fucking fries.

[Joe List]

There you are. Fries.

[Big J Okerson]

The problem is we really can't get too far away from it because it has to come right after we say story number three.

[Alex]

Story number three.

[Robert Kelly]

Fuck, I wanted one. Story number three.

[Alex]

I once used a balloon as a condom. It fell off in her vagina. And I never told her.

[Big J Okerson]

This story's a lie.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's. How do you use.

[Big J Okerson]

You put a balloon as a condom. You have a. Maybe a piece of chalk sized cock.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But I also feel like this. Whoa, whoa.

[Dan Soder]

You can use a balloon as a condom with.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you cannot.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Don't you tell honestly.

[Dan Soder]

I mean, I don't know whose story this is, but you can.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There is a Louis about this immediately. But him jumping in like that makes me think it isn't Louis.

[Dan Soder]

Well, here's the thing. If you. If you know how to make balloon animals, you realize that those are the perfect size condoms.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's Louis.

[Joe List]

No. Yeah. I mean, balloons stretch. You could put any.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You can have a huge might be list.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not list.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I just feel like list is a gentleman. List will be like I left a balloon in your.

[Joe List]

I've. I've never worn a condom and I have the scars to prove it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude. Joe. Joe does bare knuckle boxing.

[Big J Okerson]

The injuries are long lasting, but everyone respects how deep in the game you were.

[Joe List]

This could be Jay because he's smart. He go, he says he's like trying to claim that a small dick.

[Robert Kelly]

And he has a balloon sized dick.

[Dan Soder]

He does have a small dick.

[Joe List]

He wants to say no one would just self proclaim this, but I feel.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like that I never told her is what's holding me up and making me think it's Lewis.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that's move.

[Dan Soder]

Because I lie to women, okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Because he leaves so many things inside of women, doesn't tell them.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did you find an old 50s pocket watch.

[Big J Okerson]

Juicy. A dreidel. It was my favorite one.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Marquis Law.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, if you happen to queef out keys, those are mine.

[Joe List]

I do think it's Lewis, but Jay is very good at this game.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I know. I already know who they're to have the line.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm gonna tell you this. I can't put a balloon. You talk about my little dick all you want. You can't put a balloon on my dick.

[Dan Soder]

If you blow it up first like you're Howie Mandel. Then put it around the tip.

[Big J Okerson]

You could do it now. Could I? Fuck. Exactly. The knot of a balloon and get my dick into the balloon that way. It's more of an optical illusion, though. But sure, I could do that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You'd have to have, like, a meeting with a chalkboard. How would we get in? I'm saying it's Louis, you're a fool.

[Dan Soder]

It's Big J. My poetry.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you ever put in the thing already?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I. I didn't leave my hand, though. I didn't leave my hand. Go back to the tape.

[Joe List]

No, no. It was up there.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Go to the.

[Robert Kelly]

It was up. It was up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Go to the tape.

[Dan Soder]

Did his hand leave it?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No. Go to the tape.

[Dan Soder]

Did your hand leave it?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No.

[Joe List]

Chess. We're playing chess.

[Big J Okerson]

No. Look, final answer.

[Dan Soder]

I think if your hand doesn't leave.

[Big J Okerson]

It, you could change it. That's.

[Joe List]

That's ridiculous.

[Dan Soder]

I'm going Big J.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Big J, very quick.

[Dan Soder]

He's got a little dick. He loves balloon animals.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There's also.

[Big J Okerson]

You have a little.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I didn't let go. I did let go of it.

[Big J Okerson]

This is probably Lewis's little fucking balloon dick.

[Joe List]

You said the rule is when you put it in here. You didn't say anything about picking up the hand.

[Big J Okerson]

It's true.

[Joe List]

Fucking crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

He let Dan cheat.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Just because it's your story.

[Dan Soder]

Can we make a new. That's crazy. The new rule be if your hand doesn't leave it, it's not in. I think it's a fair rule.

[Joe List]

Starting now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Talk rule.

[Dan Soder]

It's like chess. Thank you.

[Joe List]

That's what I said. How is this group of people playing chess?

[Big J Okerson]

Hang on. Joe, could you. Joe, do you mind for a second, G. Mike's trying to tell me how this is like chess. Mike, it's just like chess. Finally, someone said, I didn't let go.

[Joe List]

That's ridiculous.

[Dan Soder]

Everyone, they have steak pizza. I mean, look at that.

[Robert Kelly]

What the is that?

[Dan Soder]

It looks incredible. I didn't even know they made steak pizza.

[Joe List]

More like Ms. Steak Pizza.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, pay Your pizza tribute. You want to sit at this show?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did you guys go to the Story wars podcast? Yeah, but they take a bite of all your food. They call it the vig.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, don't sit in the front row. Why? They're gonna take all your stuff. And they even throw money at you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dude, it's pretty fun. I got to feed Lewis during one story.

[Dan Soder]

Like a petting zoo.

[Joe List]

This could cost you points, by the way.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone's answers are in Alex. Probably Lewis, who's got this little tiny balloon dick.

[Alex]

Holy shit, you guys. Once again, that was Robert Kelly.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, no way. C. Joe. No harm, no foul.

[Robert Kelly]

Sharon, Massachusetts.

[Big J Okerson]

Was that her name?

[Robert Kelly]

First Jewish girl ever I was ever with. Her father was a sheriff in a snowstorm.

[Louis J. Gomez]

A Jewish sheriff.

[Dan Soder]

All right.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

God damn, dude.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Right, Massachusetts, you were going a little too fast.

[Big J Okerson]

He's got a tip. He has to tip his yarmul when ladies walk by, man.

[Robert Kelly]

She. We were going to have sex, and she wouldn't let me do it without a condom. But there was a snowstorm, and she had a little blue bag of balloons. So I took the balloon and I put it just over my helmet, and I. With that. And it fell off. Yeah, of course. And I just left it in.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait, let me ask a question. Did you come in her in the little dick cap?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I didn't come because I knew it fell off and I panicked. Yeah, but I. I put it on.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Do you think she queefed it into a balloon?

[Big J Okerson]

That'd be great. Look, she's like. She's blowing a bubble. She was like.

[Dan Soder]

She started floating away.

[Joe List]

A hot cum balloon?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I hope it came out on her birthday.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, wow.

[Joe List]

So Bobby just took the lid.

[Big J Okerson]

That shook things up big time.

[Dan Soder]

That was a huge deal right there.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, no. Oh, no. It's happening.

[Robert Kelly]

Thank you for my fries.

[Big J Okerson]

Who turned on the house lights for that?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Whoa. Christ is in the room.

[Robert Kelly]

Thank you, buddy. Appreciate it.

[Joe List]

Do the cream. Do the yellow cum stuff over there. You took the lead, Bobby.

[Dan Soder]

Congrats.

[Joe List]

You got the lead.

[Dan Soder]

Don't chew into the microphone. Jesus Christ.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't tell me how to do stuff. Shut your face.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, Louis, your work friends are really nice.

[Dan Soder]

If you're gonna chew, pull the microphone away. You just go, nah, nah, nah.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, these guys. I do a show with these guys. You're gonna love them all. They don't respect us. They're talking amongst themselves.

[Dan Soder]

All right, where are our points at, Alex?

[Alex]

All right, on the scoreboard with two points each, I have Dan Soder and Big J. Okerson? With four points each. I have Louis J. Gomez and Joe List. And in the lead with six points, Bobby Kelly.

[Robert Kelly]

Thank you. Thank you very much.

[Big J Okerson]

Is that good?

[Robert Kelly]

Should I put the microphone down? Don't you chewing into the mic, you fucking stupid Puerto Rican.

[Big J Okerson]

Take the last hit. If they're passing steak pizza across me, kill it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Thank you, Jay.

[Joe List]

I'm too competitive for this. I get mad.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, me and Lewis are passing our addictions.

[Big J Okerson]

Get rid of that for me, would you?

[Louis J. Gomez]

People feeding you every time something comes out.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Please let it be a continuing bit.

[Big J Okerson]

No, it hasn't. Is that last week somebody up here.

[Dan Soder]

It's been a continuous bit. Okay, let's take a quick moment and thank. One of my favorite sponsors in the world was his Mando. It's total body deodorant. Truly the best in the business. I love it not just for your armpits, but your balls, your butt crack, your grundle, really. Anywhere you smell Mando has you covered.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, it's the Mando vampire.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Weird.

[Dan Soder]

Oh wow, look at that.

[Big J Okerson]

That's right everybody. I'm here talking about my fresh smelling nut bag. That's right, Mandel vampire.

[Dan Soder]

I'm so happy happy you got hired at Mando.

[Big J Okerson]

It's so hard to keep your body smelling fresh when you've been dead for centuries.

[Dan Soder]

That is true. And it's truly not just rampants. It's everywhere you can smell. You know what I love? My favorite thing that they have is these, these wipes that you, that you use for your balls. Let's see you get off a flight or out of a car ride. Just take them out. You can just rub your balls down. You don't got a shower.

[Big J Okerson]

It's my favorite thing. My balls forever smelled like bat fur, but now they are brisk.

[Dan Soder]

Bourbon leather.

[Big J Okerson]

Smell my balls. Bourbon leather.

[Dan Soder]

Very nice.

[Big J Okerson]

Now kiss the top of it.

[Dan Soder]

I don't want to kiss the top of it.

[Big J Okerson]

Kiss it up here. Yes.

[Dan Soder]

Kiss the top of it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. Now just down to the middle. No, no, no. We have things to pitch.

[Dan Soder]

They really do have incredible products. Genuinely great. They're aluminum free, paraben free, whatever that means. They don't test on animals and genuinely controls your odor for up to 72 hours. Here's the deal. We want you to try out their starter pack. You get $5 off their starter pack. That's about 40 off. And that includes their cream deodorant, the solid stick deodorant and two products of your choice like the mini body wash or the deodorant wipes.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. I just wiped my butthole with them. Louis, smell my butthole.

[Dan Soder]

I don't want to smell your butthole.

[Big J Okerson]

Smell my butthole.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Smell your butthole.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. The fart still smells. Mando can't do that, Shop. It's not the six in one. It's a five in one.

[Dan Soder]

Shopmando.com is the website. When you check out, use the promo code WARS to get $5 off your starter pack. That is Warz with a Z at Shopmando M A n D O dot com.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. To the castle.

[Dan Soder]

Alex. Story number four.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Now I don't feel so special.

[Alex]

Story number four. I set myself on fire on the streets of New York.

[Louis J. Gomez]

100% off the bat, Louis, but.

[Big J Okerson]

Was.

[Dan Soder]

That that homeless woman on the subway? She's not here.

[Big J Okerson]

Somebody set her on fire. Louis, you dick.

[Joe List]

It's hilarious that what comes to mind with the story. The topic is embarrassment. Like, oh, that was embarrassing.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm an idiot.

[Joe List]

I got fire in the street.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, I'm so. I'm so flame. Not retarded.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, look at me. Self emulsifying in front of all these people.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What am I, the COVID of a Rage album?

[Big J Okerson]

No. Is somebody looking at me right now?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, political.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, no.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It would be funnier.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, this is humiliating.

[Robert Kelly]

It's 100%, Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, Lewis spent a lot of time on the streets of New York. Makes me feel.

[Dan Soder]

Louis.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I feel like he could tell a story. He was like, I woke up and I was on fire.

[Joe List]

It's multiple streets, which is interesting. Was this person running?

[Big J Okerson]

If you're on fire, you're probably running.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

So you should be rolling.

[Dan Soder]

It's not stop, drop, and run.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a tough part of the game. It could be Bobby twice in a row.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, it was just Bobby twice in a row. Be three in a row. We've never had a three. Alex, I will fire you if it's Bobby again.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, it's you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's you.

[Dan Soder]

I mean, think it's me all you want. It's not.

[Robert Kelly]

It's 100% you.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, okay. Well, he says not.

[Joe List]

This is the most now.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, so Lewis is out.

[Joe List]

This is the most quiet. Dan has been this one. We can all agree. Not even close to being me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Why are you. Everyone knows you can't set Joe List on fire.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, you can't.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I've tried. Yeah, awake, sleep.

[Joe List]

You guys all smoke.

[Big J Okerson]

Turns out he's not retarded. He's retardent.

[Joe List]

You're all on drugs.

[Dan Soder]

I mean, Joe is a flamer, so. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

His mouth does look like it was set on fire. Sorry, Burn victim.

[Joe List]

Yeah, it's me. Everyone write down my name.

[Dan Soder]

I'm gonna say my. Once again, my first instinct. I'm looking over at Danny Boy Soda. He's got a bashful face on right now. He's been very quiet, a little nervous.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm so far. Was he buskering?

[Joe List]

Well, this is the first time.

[Dan Soder]

Hey, mister.

[Robert Kelly]

Here's a new song I learned.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, leave me alone with that gasoline.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Why? That's gasoline.

[Big J Okerson]

Come on.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The bad guy from Money Train got me.

[Joe List]

This is the first time Dan hasn't immediately started saying it was somebody else.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, I. I think it's Lewis.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Because this is the most Lewis in the world.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, this smells.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's being said. Him setting himself.

[Dan Soder]

It was obviously an accident. It's somebody who smokes. We all smoke something, so it could be anybody.

[Joe List]

I smoke.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You write my name beautifully.

[Joe List]

Thank you. My hand's still on it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Fuck you. You. You have your fries. You have your payment.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm going instinct. Because I said Lewis spent so much time on the streets of ny. Yeah, it's good wording.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I'm going Danny Boy Soder. Because he's a bashful boy and I know when he lies.

[Joe List]

Lewis and I continue to have the exact same score.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, story four. All the answers are in. Alex.

[Alex]

That was Big J Okerson.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Damn it.

[Dan Soder]

Damn it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I suck at this. This sucks. This game sucks. You guys shouldn't be playing. You play every week. I don't have the system. I can't come over and play this.

[Dan Soder]

Unless I play it at your house.

[Joe List]

Dude, everyone from your high school sucks.

[Big J Okerson]

Cross platform, dude. Cross platform.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hey, Joe. Say that again.

[Robert Kelly]

Why'd you lay yourself on fire?

[Big J Okerson]

So I took a girl. I took a girl to a fire pit. Yeah. No Marilyn Manson concert. And some of you might know this when you hear the whole story, but, like, I took her to a Marilyn Manson concert In New York 20 some years ago, and we were outside waiting in line for Roseland Ballroom. I was a huge line.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And I'm. And I'm sitting there, I'm trying to impress this girl. So, like, the line's not moving at all. We're way far back. So I start. No, I start, like, just being funny in line. I'm kind of like, getting, like a little court around me now. People like laughing at the stuff.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So you were buskering?

[Big J Okerson]

I was winning is what I was doing. The girl was definitely into it. I was. Everyone's laughing. This is before no one would recognize me at all. They're just, I'm making a bunch of people laugh. And then at one point you said, I. I was like, I threw my cigarette down and I didn't know that it had gone like between my boot and jeans. Oh, I remember this now. And it starts. Apparently it's running up my leg and I'm saying stuff and I'm making people laugh and everyone's laughing. And then a guy goes, he goes, yo, my man, you're on fire. And then I swear to you, I went on my leg. This is what embarrassing moments. I went. I get, oh, well, I mean, in fairness, dude, I'm actually a professional comedian. And he goes, no, man, you're on fire. I went, oh. And I just slap it out. And I had to go watch Marilyn Manson with half my leg like meat showing my white leg showing through my burned up pants.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That explains why you roll up your leg. Now it's all back.

[Big J Okerson]

Never again.

[Dan Soder]

Never again.

[Joe List]

That's incredible.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Damn, that is. I really thought it was you, Louis.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, I almost thought it was me, to be honest.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He goes, that actually does count. They check with the judges.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll tell you what, I was sitting pretty low on the ranks here. Where are we at now?

[Alex]

All right, on the board with two points, I have Dan Soder off with four points each, Joe List and Louis J. Gomez. And tied for first place with six points each.

[Big J Okerson]

Big oh, you shouldn't have left the bonfire, Danny.

[Louis J. Gomez]

One story, this whole thing goes sideways.

[Dan Soder]

We're at halftime right now.

[Big J Okerson]

We are at halftime of the show. It's time to go around, do some plugs in the room. Of course. Mr. Soder, hi.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I will be in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, the end of January. I don't have the dates.

[Big J Okerson]

Doing what, local crafts?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, just doing an arts booth. I'll be at rumors in Winnipeg, January 30th through February 1st. Then Huntsville, Alabama at Levity Live, February 20th through the 22nd. Dancer.com for tickets. Listen to Sodor. Listen to the regs. I'm going to come back in this motherfucker.

[Dan Soder]

Hell yeah. Hell yeah, Danny boy.

[Big J Okerson]

You never know.

[Joe List]

Joe List, Houston Secret Group, Houston, January 31st, February 1st and. Oh, God, Tempe Improv, March Something. April 19th, the Wilbur Theater. I'm Bad at Business. April 19th, Wilbur Theater. The rest show.

[Dan Soder]

No, no, it's a separate thing. You have to separate your words or it sounds like we're at the Wilbur Theater.

[Joe List]

Don't come see me. I don't deserve it. Okay, Minneapolis, April 10th through the 12th Acme. Acme Comedy Club.

[Dan Soder]

Robert Kelly.

[Robert Kelly]

Go to Punchup Live Robert Kelly and then go to YouTube.com robert@robert kelly Comedy for my special. That's it. Oh yeah, and the regs. And of course the bonfire.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh yeah, bonfire. Big J, bigjay comedy.com for all my dates, everybody. I'm all over the place. Look for a city near you at my site, bigj comedy.com or punch up. Live bigjokerson. Make sure Bobby gets his cut. He's got. He's got a 25 stake in the company for sure. The way he shills for this thing. True classic T shirts. And punch up dot Live if you want to know. You're helping fucking feed Max's problems. Listen to the bonfire five days a week with me and the great Robert Kelly over on faction talk, SiriusXM103, of course, legion of skanks right here on the gas digital network. And my double crowd work special, them they first part them is going to be coming out on YouTube February 14th. I'm going to need all you to fucking get behind that thing and share it and like it and all that shit for me. So please first part them coming out February 14th. A month later, they I'm proud of it. I'm excited for you guys to see it.

[Dan Soder]

Come see me live on the road. The Bring Five Friends tour coming to a city near you. North Charleston, South Carolina, January 25th. Off the Hook Comedy Club, the 26th. I'm sorry, that's the 24th. 23rd. I'm sorry, 23rd, North Charleston, South Carolina. 24th, 25th, Naples, Florida. I'm gonna be in Rumors, Winnipeg, February 6th through 8th. Wise guy. Salt Lake City at the end of February. February 21st and 22nd. Go to louisofsk.com to grab tickets. Go to louisganks.com to join my mailing list. You get a bonus podcast, Solo Lewis Podcast, the Lewis Journal Podcast, just for subscribers. And obviously, check out all my other podcasts. The Legendary Regs, the legendary Lewis and Zach and the legendary Legion of Skanks. And if you love this show, there's an uncensored version that airs live every Monday night. It's just for subscribers to the Gas Digital Network. Yeah, subscribe to Gas Digital, use that promo code war. And save a couple bucks on your membership and get premium access. Live chat, all that stuff.

[Joe List]

Louis, you're about to be assassinated.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, and one more thing. It is one of our producer Alex's birthdays. So real quick, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday went out. You Jerk off.

[Big J Okerson]

Happy birthday, dear Al Alex.

[Dan Soder]

Happy birthday to you.

[Big J Okerson]

Yay.

[Dan Soder]

All right, she's in her 30s now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Quick, story number five.

[Alex]

Thank you, guys.

[Big J Okerson]

It's the best cake in the city.

[Dan Soder]

What is? Yeah. Shout out. Shout out to my friend Katrina's family who owns that.

[Robert Kelly]

We almost know what the cake that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Would have made this night. Awesome.

[Big J Okerson]

Absolutely, dude.

[Louis J. Gomez]

A flying cake.

[Big J Okerson]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Louis J. Gomez]

As you said, that's the best cake in the city.

[Big J Okerson]

Bananas and strawberries.

[Dan Soder]

We're gonna cut that up and try to give everyone a piece. It's gonna be one bite each.

[Big J Okerson]

So good, though. Such good cake. All right, now, and I want you guys to keep your eyes on the prize here. This game is far from over for any of us. And you do remember, if you win, you get Murder at the Sunshine Mental Asylum by Danielle Rittenhauer. Listen. The protagonist, a determined investigator, works to uncover the truth while facing numerous challenges, including the mysterious and often unreliable testimonies of the residents.

[Dan Soder]

Big deal.

[Big J Okerson]

And also, if you are worried, Dan, that you are asked out of this game. Yeah, you don't have to worry about that, because we do a little thing here for the second half of the game. The final four stories, where we go double points. Electric.

[Joe List]

Who.

[Big J Okerson]

Who.

[Joe List]

Who watches?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you, Roots, everybody. That's questloving the guys.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, we did hire the Roots for all the audio.

[Big J Okerson]

They're off camera. We don't put them on camera. That costs more money. But Roots, thank you, Black thought and the boys. So, yes, whereas before, if you guessed the right story, if it wasn't your story, you got two points. If you fooled somebody on your story, you got one point. But now that goes to double points.

[Joe List]

So funny.

[Big J Okerson]

You can.

[Robert Kelly]

You can tell all the old people in the audience just sit there.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So now it's double what?

[Dan Soder]

So, Alex, story number five.

[Alex]

Story number five. To impress a Hooters waitress, I ate a plate of extra spicy wings. It immediately gave me horrible diarrhea, and I had to go into a random gas station bathroom for over two hours.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Feels like a Bobby story.

[Big J Okerson]

It sounds Bobby to me, too.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Extra spicy wings.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, it doesn't sound like you.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jay couldn't shit at a gas station.

[Dan Soder]

Jay doesn't like meat on the bone.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I also. I walk.

[Dan Soder]

And he's got a little dick.

[Big J Okerson]

I walk in. You have a super little dick, Louis. Everyone talks about it behind your back.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Everyone draws it. Makes fun of you.

[Big J Okerson]

So many girls who fuck you call me, they go, your little dick friend, Baba. I Go. Come on, dude. But he was like. He kisses good, right? I also, again, this is. This is fat shit on the wrong reason. I know it sounds weird, but I've never tried to impress a Hooters waitress because I walk in with a chip on my shoulder already. Potato chip. Don't treat me like a fucking. Don't treat me like some fat shit. You're gonna come over and say, hey, cutie, welcome to my couch wings.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You spray her with a water bottle.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't like it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Away from me.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't. It's stripper mentality. Come over. He goes, hey, look. Oh, my God. Three handsome guys at one table. You're, like, off. I'm by myself.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Can I say Dan?

[Dan Soder]

Dan is. Dan is the type of guy that wouldn't be embarrassed about having to. Dan has that type of energy. He'd fart in front of.

[Big J Okerson]

No. Dan's like, oh, my God, these wings are making me do this. Miss. And then go to the bathroom.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Gas station bathroom. Says it's another location, which makes me think it might be list.

[Dan Soder]

That's a very. That would be a list move. Listening. Embarrass of having to poop in front of a girl.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And also, remember how we did the shit finger. It sounds like a list sentence where he's like, I in a gas station bathroom.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

For over two hours. Horrible, horrible diarrhea in front of women.

[Joe List]

Hooters has a men's and women's room. You don't. In front of the woman. You go to the men's room.

[Big J Okerson]

No, but the gas station to leave completely says. It's like, yeah, you got on the road. You got on the road. After this, the woman was not impressed. You got on the road.

[Joe List]

I'm not sharing my opinions anymore.

[Big J Okerson]

Because people know that's the show, though.

[Joe List]

My genius. Well, I'm just going to lay back.

[Big J Okerson]

And not be part of this. I'll come at the very.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know what? I choose pacifism. I will not fight your war.

[Big J Okerson]

I know it is. I'm going to get out of here.

[Joe List]

I mean, if I'm going to write it down the last second.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I know.

[Dan Soder]

Here's the one thing I know for a fact that makes me not Jeff, not Jay. He would not eat meat off the bone. And he also does not you, for a very long time, would not use public bathrooms ever.

[Big J Okerson]

Still to this day.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And honestly, I think Lewis would power through diarrhea to a Hooters waitress with that little dick.

[Big J Okerson]

No doubt.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You go she'd be like, you all right, baby? You're sweating a lot. He goes, I'm almost finished. And then I can really finish.

[Big J Okerson]

He goes, I'm thinking about my intense workout later.

[Dan Soder]

It's Dan or Joe? It's Dan.

[Big J Okerson]

Joe.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I feel like it's Joe.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

That cadence immediately gave me a horrible.

[Big J Okerson]

Diarrhea over two hours in a bathroom.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, it's Joe.

[Dan Soder]

I'm thinking Joe. But what if. What if it's not Joe and this person cleans up Joe List fucking show.

[Big J Okerson]

Listen for Joe.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Joe.

[Dan Soder]

Dan, is this your story?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, it's Joe's. Joe, I need the points.

[Dan Soder]

Is this your story? He's not talking.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's like, I'm done. Why are you mad at us? Why are you playing like we're in a fight? We've been in a 20 year marriage.

[Big J Okerson]

Because he wants the fucking book, dude. Do you know, throughout this novel, themes of mental illness, manipulation, and trust are explored with twists and turns that keep the reader guessing until the very end.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, Joelis with poop coming out of.

[Big J Okerson]

The O. Yeah, that's Joe Poopole. Alex, all the answers are in.

[Alex]

Jolis is correct. That was Dan.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Soda.

[Big J Okerson]

Can I tell you before we even hear the story?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Stormin Norman, baby, I'm back. Mortimer, we're back.

[Big J Okerson]

Can I tell you how great this game is? And not to suck our own dicks, but when that answer came through and Joe got so excited, this prim and proper sweet lady who looks like a school administrator, I swear to you, just did this. She went, yeah. She put her fist in front of her and stood up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She went, yeah, Jay. War can do crazy things to people.

[Dan Soder]

Dan, what happened here?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jay is not wrong. I was 16 years old and me and my friends went to Hooters. So the waitress thing worked. The fake.

[Big J Okerson]

You're 16. It could work.

[Louis J. Gomez]

When you're 16 and they touch your shoulder and they're like, what's your name? You're like, dan.

[Dan Soder]

You deepen your voice like, my name's Dan. You never change back.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And I go, can I get eight? It got stuck.

[Dan Soder]

She slapped you on the back.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's like making a funny face.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I go, guys, I'm serious. Someone hit my back.

[Big J Okerson]

She goes, which wings you want, honey? And you go, the ones that would make you fucking die after watching them eat them.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The main. The one that would make you break statutory rape laws. 16 year old.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know, whichever batch gets you the wettest.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dude, I remember. I remember. What do you want? I go like, the Line that I said was, I go, how hot can they come? And she goes, atomic. And I was like, are we having a thing?

[Big J Okerson]

It's called the shit before you leave sauce.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And then we were. Dude. And then we left to go. I ate them. It was horrible. It was a horrible experience. Had no fun. And then we were in my friend's Astro van on a way to an Eagle Crest party. So it was another high school's party. And I know. And I was like, I. You gotta pull over. I was like, I'm gonna shit. My friend was like, no, you won't, dude. Let's just go to the party. And I was like, I'm gonna shit in your dad's van.

[Dan Soder]

And they're really gonna be called an Astro van?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. They pulled over to an Amco station.

[Big J Okerson]

And I went in and I was.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like, do you have a bathroom? And the guy was like, yeah. And I went in and I. Shit. And I. It wouldn't stop. They bought me Pepto Bismol.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you beat. Did you make the party?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you fuck the chick?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did I what?

[Robert Kelly]

Did you fuck the Hooters?

[Big J Okerson]

No, that was over the second they walked out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Once we paid the tab. That was done.

[Big J Okerson]

Actually, that was done the second she walked up and said, hey, cuties, what kind of fiery assholes do you want me to give you?

[Louis J. Gomez]

And I went to Fiery.

[Big J Okerson]

And Dan was like, hey, are you available for my promise?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I had to. I walked. I remember walking home from the Amco station.

[Big J Okerson]

Your friends left you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Because they were like, dude, two hours.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. They went to the party, they were.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like, dude, we gotta go. And I was like. You were like. I was. Oh, dude, that hurt. It really hurt, physically.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll tell you what's gonna feel really good, Dan, when we read these scores, because things may have been shaken up just now.

[Dan Soder]

Thank God.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think.

[Joe List]

You still haven't caught me, Alex.

[Alex]

On the scoreboard, I have Luis J. Gomez with four points.

[Big J Okerson]

Mattering. Damn.

[Alex]

Big J and Bobby Kelly tied with six points each. And in the lead, Joe List and Dan Soder tied with eight points each.

[Robert Kelly]

Right there. We're right there.

[Joe List]

By the way. You know how I knew?

[Dan Soder]

How'd you know?

[Joe List]

Because random. That's how Dan talks. Some random gas station.

[Dan Soder]

Is that how Dan talks?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Someone in the audience? Yeah, that's Dan.

[Joe List]

It's not a great impression, but random. Most people would just say a gas station. They're all random. All right, sorry.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You munch down your sentences so much, but that's you. I like flowery talk.

[Joe List]

I go to a random gas station, I can't do voices. Really?

[Dan Soder]

Is he a cop from Brooklyn? What is this? Yeah, what is this? Depression?

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's the toughest I've ever seen.

[Dan Soder]

Hey, it was a random gas station.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, are you a beat cop trying to get drugs from kids? Hey, I'm just a kid like you. Give me some drugs. Where you get your drugs?

[Joe List]

Some random crusty cop.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we got it. I said random.

[Big J Okerson]

Dan.

[Joe List]

Dude, you fucking. Don't get mad at me, Dan.

[Big J Okerson]

You went from last place in one round to tied for first place.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The power of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no, it's not the power. The power of double points.

[Joe List]

Time to get down, you guys.

[Big J Okerson]

We'll be right back with a new episode of Costello after this.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's great. Easy.

[Dan Soder]

You're going to get one of those. You don't want to summoner.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, easy, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby tells me not to summoner on a weekly basis. I just send them all of her.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You did not speak that day.

[Big J Okerson]

I sent him pictures of her Facebook messages.

[Robert Kelly]

No, you don't.

[Big J Okerson]

Huh? Every day. A lot.

[Joe List]

Now it's time to get serious.

[Big J Okerson]

It is time to get serious, Alex.

[Dan Soder]

There's no way there's going to be enough cake for the whole crowd. You can't give it to just select people in the crowd.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes, you can. This is capitalism.

[Joe List]

Oh, you know what? Bobby would love that. Tiramisu.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want fucking cake.

[Big J Okerson]

Just about now. You want tiramisu?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want tiramisu.

[Dan Soder]

You want tiramisu, Castello.

[Big J Okerson]

Isn't it funny how no one thinks if a Joe List just kept ordering food during a show, everyone's like, look at Joe go. It's so funny. And if me or Bobby did it, people start wondering how sad it is, like you can't control yourself for two hours.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Joe. You go, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Joe's like, God, this guy is a bottomless pit. Where does he put it? And then me and Bobby, they would be like, dude, just don't eat fries during the show. Maybe that'll help. If you could not eat during broadcast.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Could you not have show fries?

[Big J Okerson]

Let's start there. Let's just say no more. Diet soda even. And maybe not eating during shows.

[Dan Soder]

Alex, story number six.

[Joe List]

Here we go.

[Alex]

Story number six.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Joe's so into this.

[Alex]

One of my parents was pulled over while driving and promptly arrested for unpaid tickets. I was put in the back of a police cruiser while they were hauled off in another police car. This was a Block from my house. And all of the neighbors saw this.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is Lewis or Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, we don't have.

[Joe List]

Has no parents.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, we don't. I didn't have a dad.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, look, one of Lewis's parents. It only had the chance to be one parent. It would have been his mother. I don't. This doesn't think. I don't think this is Lewis saying one of my turn people away from Lewis many times and been wrong.

[Dan Soder]

Promptly arrested. It seems like promptly a Joe List sentence.

[Robert Kelly]

And Big J's mom was banging a cop.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe that's how she met him.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So she.

[Big J Okerson]

She a couple cops. Yeah, she kept it safe. She was a sister.

[Robert Kelly]

She had a lot of people.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, but your Jay's dad could have been pulled over if there would have.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Been like a criminal mastermind. Like, we're gonna break into that house like home alone. You're like, they can't. That house is.

[Big J Okerson]

I knocked. I'd love to tell you this happened to my father, but I wasn't with him enough. Nor do I know if he paid or not paid his tickets.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Give this to one.

[Dan Soder]

I think every one of our parents probably had unpaid tickets that they could have been arrested. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Bobby. This sounds like a Bobby.

[Dan Soder]

My mom didn't.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This also sounds like it's the 70s where you could just like get arrested and then like, hey, kid, drive yourself home.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Lewis, were your parents together, like, for.

[Dan Soder]

My dad was stabbed before. I had memories of him.

[Big J Okerson]

But was he with your mom still?

[Dan Soder]

When he was with my mom and another woman they did other kids with.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, nice.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He was with both of them.

[Dan Soder]

My dad was a real ass dude, as they say.

[Big J Okerson]

We lost a real family man that day.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He was a real. He was a real puck leader.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that's credo. Never pull out.

[Dan Soder]

Dan's dad was like, a drunk and a bad dad.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. It didn't get pulled over, though. They ain't a fucking rookie.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like. Yeah, I feel like Dan is lying.

[Dan Soder]

To my face right now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dan.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know about that because Dan also Dan's dad was unabashed alcoholic. He would like, be like, sorry, bud, you gotta hold my waist on this bike. Johnny law says apparently I can't operate a vehicle.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hey, pal, I think the old. The fuzz was talking to your mom. They don't want us to hang out anymore.

[Dan Soder]

This also does seem like a Boston 1970s.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's what I mean.

[Dan Soder]

Where it's like, Bobby's already had two stories, though.

[Big J Okerson]

That's my Bobby already This could be the third.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Why would it be?

[Dan Soder]

It could be five stories.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Just Bobby.

[Big J Okerson]

Five. Bobby.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This could be Joe's dad.

[Robert Kelly]

Joe's been staring fake reading this over and over trying to figure it out. Yes, look at his stupid face.

[Joe List]

I would say. I would say cop car. I wouldn't say police cruiser. And that's the tick. That's the key.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Cruiser. Cruisers.

[Joe List]

Police cruiser.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You do.

[Big J Okerson]

That's the other two. Louis would not say police.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, he would. Which is Bobby or Joe?

[Joe List]

It's the gayest person up here.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby. My caught Bobby calls a lot of things the wrong word. Bobby. What do you call a trash can?

[Robert Kelly]

It's a barrel.

[Big J Okerson]

That's batshit. Trash barrel.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a barrel.

[Big J Okerson]

Crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

Who knows it as a barrel?

[Joe List]

Well, outdoors is a trash barrel.

[Robert Kelly]

It's only two people. The old guy, lunatic.

[Big J Okerson]

I promptly.

[Joe List]

Who says promptly?

[Dan Soder]

I have to go with my. Dan uses extra words. My instinct is saying dance out of his.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Stuart, don't get the points. You stupid idiot. Stop me.

[Robert Kelly]

It's 100%.

[Big J Okerson]

That made me think it was Dan so much. Go ahead. I don't even care. Vote for me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're an idiot. Louis, this is me, the real Dan. I'm talking through. You can hear me. It's Bobby or Joe. Police Krugers are some gay ass shit. They say in New England.

[Joe List]

No, I'd say cop car.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, they say fucking. The cruiser's coming. They got the fucking cruiser. Ray park is the best defenseman ever in the NHL.

[Robert Kelly]

He was, I would say a cop car.

[Dan Soder]

I know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm marrying one. I'm marrying into their family. I can feel their presence.

[Robert Kelly]

Dan's overacting right now.

[Dan Soder]

See, my instinct is Dan. But now he's being very believable right now.

[Joe List]

Promptly.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm not faking.

[Big J Okerson]

This is the real me.

[Joe List]

Hold on.

[Big J Okerson]

Look into my eyes and know you're talking to the guy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Drop all the voices. Where'd you vote?

[Joe List]

This is awesome.

[Big J Okerson]

I want you a list.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think it's true.

[Big J Okerson]

I do. Dan's convinced me that this all the police crews.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

And the fucking. My name is Bobby.

[Dan Soder]

Could be a third Bobby story.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It does feel like a third seventies Bobby.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm playing. It's not Bobby's third story. Only for that reason am I voting. This does seem more like Bobby. But I'm playing a numbers game on the averages of the random thing saying this would be Joe list. That's the only reason I'm saying Joe list.

[Dan Soder]

Joe also.

[Big J Okerson]

I really want to see this lady pump her fist for me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm going, Bobby.

[Dan Soder]

Joe. Say police cruiser.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm going, Bobby Elise Cruz. He didn't even mean to do that. He didn't even mean to do that.

[Dan Soder]

My instinct is Dan, but now I.

[Big J Okerson]

Think it's Joe Best kick.

[Dan Soder]

Listen to me, it's Bobby. But why?

[Big J Okerson]

It's you?

[Dan Soder]

Why is he so hard on Bobby right now, though?

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's just.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, Stan, it's. I'm going with that. My instinct is never wrong.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The apology.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I just want you to know, I.

[Dan Soder]

Mean, I'm in last place today. Dan Soder.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You think you know somebody. Oh, that was God the Almighty striking down your lies. Go ahead, Alex.

[Dan Soder]

Wait, Bobby.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Because it is Bobby.

[Big J Okerson]

Man, look at how comfortable. Look at how comfortable on the show. Alex, let us know what's up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Do it.

[Big J Okerson]

Do it.

[Joe List]

Wait, hold on. Bobby's changing his answer.

[Robert Kelly]

I can change. I didn't put it up, you rat.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think it's Joe List. Fuck you. Money's just fucking.

[Robert Kelly]

You're fucking so into it.

[Joe List]

Change it.

[Big J Okerson]

I know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Because I know it's one of you. Dan.

[Dan Soder]

This is the first time Dan's been so excited during the show.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What?

[Dan Soder]

Dan's very excited right now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're excitable.

[Dan Soder]

Like a dog who's done something wrong because.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, Louis, you tend to look at little slivers. You lose the forest for the trees. Only a fool would believe in a small con.

[Big J Okerson]

Dan's very. Well. Dan just came from behind, from being tied for first.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, he did.

[Robert Kelly]

Clack, clack, clack.

[Joe List]

What? Bobby changed it to somebody's name.

[Big J Okerson]

Dan Soder.

[Dan Soder]

About three people voted.

[Big J Okerson]

Dan. Oh, boy. Alex. Everyone's final answers are in for story number six.

[Alex]

Wow. Everybody, that was Lewis J. Fuck.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Damn it. I. Can I just start this off? Can. Can I. Can I apologize.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank the Roots for being here with us again. Everybody. Quest love black thought.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I want to apologize to Joe. I want to apologize to Bobby. I want to apologize to the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. I'm sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

So sorry.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, this was my. My mom. She never paid her tickets ever. And it was. My sister was there, too. I didn't want to put that in there. I just left that little. Little doozy out. But, yeah, it was me and my sister both. They pulled her over. My sister started crying.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I just.

[Dan Soder]

I. I, like, held in my tears because I didn't want the cops to see me crying.

[Big J Okerson]

Now we're on our own.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Sis, do you remember the Boxcar Children? That's us now.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. They took us in one car and they dropped us off at my Aunt's house, which was like right around the corner. And all these cars kept on slowing down. I saw like five different kids from school and I was like, oh, fuck.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wait, they like driving by.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

So you saw your future.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, yeah. And yeah, that was quite the night and pretty embarrassing, folks.

[Robert Kelly]

Fuck.

[Big J Okerson]

That was a rigging barrel.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was trying to be honest with you and you were tricking me the whole time.

[Dan Soder]

The whole time. I was playing a different game.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So gross.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I didn't know this game.

[Big J Okerson]

If you watch Lewis off, the answer go in and it's Louis. Like he can't help himself though. I mean, the leg is going a mile a minute when he's getting excited that no one guessed him. Oh yeah, he has his tells, but I was locked in already.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh.

[Dan Soder]

When everyone locked in their answer, I almost came all over the table. It was so hot. I think it's so hot to win.

[Big J Okerson]

I love spilled for you.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

She wasn't excited though.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no. She's not rooting for Louis at all. She likes good people.

[Dan Soder]

She's a racist. This woman's a racist person who likes good people.

[Big J Okerson]

She's not down with the brown, as they say.

[Dan Soder]

Alex, where our points at?

[Alex]

All right on the board with six points each, Big J and Bobby Kelly.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Alex]

With eight points each, Dan Soder and Joe List. And in the lead with 12 points, Louis J. Gomez.

[Dan Soder]

The original story Warrior, the real estate, the ultimate minority. Already the king of things, Puerto Rican rattlesnake takes the lead.

[Big J Okerson]

That insane shift brought to you thanks to one thing and one thing only. Double points.

[Dan Soder]

Double point.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you, guys. We'll be right back with the next episode of Grounded for Life.

[Robert Kelly]

Joe's sad.

[Joe List]

I'm mad. I knew it. Because it was someone trying to sound smart. Promptly hauled.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

And Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

Louis is. He's not very self aware, but he's self aware enough to know if I make it sound smart, they're going to check out on me right away.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Damn.

[Dan Soder]

And they did.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Literally.

[Dan Soder]

Jay went, if there's no way it's Louis. Too many big words, too many syllables.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's go on to this promptly cruiser now.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay. Fucking Hemingway. Not this guy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's like there was a light dude on the grass that morning I had rustled from a slumber.

[Dan Soder]

It was a real ass dude. The atmosphere was thick, the energy palpable.

[Joe List]

Louis, that was not very real ass of you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That was very you, man. I feel dirty.

[Dan Soder]

The lead and I'm gonna keep it, folks. Guys, let's take a quick moment and thank one of our incredible sponsors which is Turtle Beach.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Come on, guys.

[Dan Soder]

Turtle Beach. We love Turtle Beach.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you. Turtle Beach.

[Dan Soder]

Incredible product. If you're a gamer or not. If you just want some amazing headphones, they have that for you. Genuinely the best hardware in gaming. I know. Jay, you gave your family Turtle beach hardware.

[Big J Okerson]

Two gamers in the family who were pretty stoked to get these. I'm unaware of this kind of stuff, but when I gave it to them they were very, very excited, which is a big deal. They said it's the best in the biz.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, the.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The. I love the I got.

[Dan Soder]

They gave us the. The Stealth 700 headset which has an 80 hour battery life with a quick charge. So you rarely have to think about charging it. It's got an incredible microphone. It's podcast quad. When you guys hear us through the Friday night. Hang on Legion of Skanks. I very often am using those headphones. The microphone is absolutely incredible. It's the industry's first ever crossplay dual wireless transmitter system. That means you could seamlessly switch between your consoles and PC with just a click of a button.

[Big J Okerson]

Shut right the up. Right now you can get the ultimate immersive gaming experience with Turtle beach today for a limited time only if you go to turtlebeach.com and use the code wars wz cuz we're cool.

[Dan Soder]

Hell yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You get 10% off your entire order. That's 10% [e-mail] with promo code wars. Do not delay. Get that perfect gift now or something for yourself.

[Dan Soder]

And they don't just have headsets by the way. They have a lot of stuff. So check out their entire line of products. 10% off your whole order.

[Big J Okerson]

Turtlebeach.com everybody check them out. Let's get back to it.

[Dan Soder]

Where we at?

[Big J Okerson]

3 number our penultimate story.

[Alex]

Story number seven. I tried to pump my cousin up for his football game.

[Big J Okerson]

By what the does that even mean, Dude, I can't go out there with full balls, bro. I need you to be a cousin. Help me out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Pump me, bro. I need you to pump me before I go out there, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Pump me real quick, dude. Or I'm gonna go out there. I'm gonna be throwing. I'm gonna sail them all day.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, dude.

[Alex]

I tried to pump my cousin off for his football game by grabbing him by the face mask.

[Big J Okerson]

Is that what you're also that we call it.

[Alex]

And ended up poking him in the eye.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The butthole.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, okay.

[Dan Soder]

The brown eye.

[Joe List]

This is a dunk.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. This is Joe. So this is Joe Because Joe gets all whipped up and too excited for.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Joe does this a lot. That's true. Joe likes to do that to people. He goes, come on, we're hanging out.

[Big J Okerson]

This is. I've never observed. I've watched Joe's excitement and enthusiasm for singing and dancing, which I appreciate very much.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Karaoke.

[Big J Okerson]

So I'm saying I've seen you go. I've seen you go all out. I've seen you go hard. And it seems like a thing, but also, I don't. I don't know if I see you psyching up a cousin for a football game.

[Joe List]

This is so clearly sodor football.

[Big J Okerson]

That's what I think. I'm thinking. Sodor some random fucking soder you love. Headbutting a guy in a helmet.

[Dan Soder]

Very long vampire like piano hands over here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nosferatu sticking them in.

[Big J Okerson]

Dan, I have a feeling you and a lot of your cousins have clunked hel together before.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hello. Look at the size of his head. Yeah, I don't grab his face mask. First off, that's a 15 yard penalty. We're not trying to teach that behavior.

[Big J Okerson]

This is just trying to hype him up. Dude, you're not grabbing and you split his helmet with your bare head.

[Joe List]

The person. They're not grabbing the opposite opponent's helmet. They're grabbing their buddies.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Joe's a silly joke because you did this.

[Big J Okerson]

Why is Joe now Joe's defending what the action was. That's a tell sometimes people don't like.

[Joe List]

I'm not defending the action. I'm saying it's not a penalty to grab your cousin's face mask. Can I tell you playing against him?

[Big J Okerson]

Louis, can I tell you a new tactic I'm learning through playing this game?

[Dan Soder]

Please.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll pull the curtain a little bit here. When someone starts really shooting down like the hell it couldn't be. It's. It's always.

[Dan Soder]

And Joe's vote. He's writing now. He's writing.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, he's writing you. Of course.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I know. But the move is is to do you start going, like, what? This wouldn't even possibly be me. And I'm telling you as a person guessing, start trivializing the story. If it's not your story, start trivializ. He goes, pump up. My cousin goes, what a homosexual thing to do. He probably wanted to his cousin. And the first person that goes, well, I don't think it means they want to their cousin necessarily. Like, oh, that person.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't need to pull.

[Big J Okerson]

And Joe did that right away. He goes, I don't was going to get. What am I queer?

[Joe List]

I'm just pointing out the. Dan says a 15 yard penalty. It's not a 15 yard penalty. Jay. Very few stories have gone up on the board.

[Robert Kelly]

How many stories has Joe had?

[Dan Soder]

I think Joe said, I think everyone's had one except for you. You've had two, right?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Somebody else had to have two.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Joe just gave it away. He said two.

[Dan Soder]

No, this is the seventh one. Yeah. So we, we've all had one each and Bobby's had two.

[Robert Kelly]

So it's got to be Jay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Joe.

[Dan Soder]

Joe has long, long fingers.

[Big J Okerson]

The next two stories. That's the beauty of the game. That's we took away the math part of it. Now you can play the averages that it won't be randomly the same person.

[Joe List]

Again, but it could be you're doing this too.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's you.

[Robert Kelly]

Because you just talked to me.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby doesn't understand football at all. Bobby has the right. Bobby has female knowledge of sports. And I don't know if he would.

[Joe List]

Be part of this begging everyone to write my name named out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay, please, everyone write Joe's name because that's the answer. If you want two points because it's.

[Joe List]

It's double points.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, it might not be my final answer. It would make you so happy. I wanted to write it down for you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's not our.

[Dan Soder]

It's not your game. Well, also we gave. We gave. If you're a story warrior, if you've won the game, brother, this is my.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Second tour of duty.

[Dan Soder]

No, but it's not. You're not a story. You've never won. So if you have won, you can trigger the double points.

[Big J Okerson]

You can also have random fun like story number seven. These are the things you have to earn through winning the game. But also you don't just earn that. You also earn the murder of Sunshine Mental Asylum. The novel is praised for creating a tense atmosphere that enhances the story suspense sense.

[Joe List]

I'm going with my original instinct.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Bobby, it's Joe. It's you.

[Big J Okerson]

It is him. It is Dan Soder. Because the way he's saying that right now, he tried. He's trying to one at a time. He's trying to one at a time as he goes. Bobby, me and you right now. Forget the rest.

[Joe List]

Of the football guy. His best buddy is the coach.

[Big J Okerson]

Even an embarrassing story.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He wants you to know that he's stupid Fools Joe. All this power.

[Joe List]

I can 100 this is.

[Dan Soder]

So my vote is for Dan Soder.

[Big J Okerson]

Hyping up his friend at football. This Guy takes no prison.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let him know that I would never do some.

[Big J Okerson]

Dan's all about the gridiron. Everyone got a blue star.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I got a blue star cousin that plays left tackle.

[Joe List]

Look into it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And I don't gotta pump him up.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow, he plays Joe. He does that good with that up eye you gave him, you piece of.

[Robert Kelly]

It's Joe.

[Joe List]

I will bet money it's Dan.

[Robert Kelly]

Joe. It's Joe.

[Dan Soder]

It might be Bobby, the way he's just sitting back happy.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

It's Joe.

[Joe List]

Cuz Bobby has a very.

[Dan Soder]

Everyone's got their vote in Alex. What is the answer?

[Big J Okerson]

With enthusiasm. Alex.

[Joe List]

Bobby is a very fatherly thing. Could be him, Joe.

[Alex]

Dan was right. That was Joe.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Y'All. I told you six. That's. I'm telling you right now. Immediately, the. The energy of like, whoa, let's go. Come on. You guys didn't listen. I'm the old man in the horror movie that's like, I wouldn't go down that road. And they were all like, the campers that are like, shut up, you dumb old man. Those are just spooky stories.

[Joe List]

I flipped them all, baby.

[Big J Okerson]

Those are just myths.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There's no man in the lake. I go, I've seen him come back, kill everyone.

[Big J Okerson]

You could choose to save yourself.

[Robert Kelly]

God damn.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm telling you, them woods is sour.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my Lord. Go ahead, Joe. The story.

[Joe List]

Yeah, it was my cousin's last football game, and I was like, I wanted to get them all jacked up. And he was walking. They were walking to the locker room, and I was like, dude, I'm gonna get in there. And you're not allowed to talk to the players. Which I didn't realize either, like, you're not supposed to go talk to. To a player. And I was like, I go, you got 30 minutes for the rest of your life.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You did it.

[Joe List]

And I grabbed him and he was like, oh. And I was like, oh, sorry. And then his dad had to be like, hey, you can't talk to the guys. And I like, scratched his eye.

[Robert Kelly]

You put exactly what you.

[Dan Soder]

You put your finger in his eye.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's how I know my cousin's team would roll Joe's. Because we just, like, take care of business.

[Joe List]

Well, I wasn't on the team.

[Big J Okerson]

Poke his eye. We know.

[Robert Kelly]

It was fun.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That be funny if you found out Joe bet on the other team. He's like, come here, you fucking God. Get out there.

[Big J Okerson]

Come here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I got 10,000 on Central.

[Big J Okerson]

Yo, yo, Free Hype ups this corner.

[Dan Soder]

I don't know, it looks like this.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Quarterback is blind out there. Joe's like, I fuck.

[Robert Kelly]

It's gonna be like 20 grand.

[Joe List]

What'd I pick up? 12 points.

[Dan Soder]

Let's see. Alex, what are these points? God damn it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I told you guys.

[Alex]

It was Joe on the scoreboard. Big J and Bobby Kelly. Bonfire, boys with six points each.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't like your tone.

[Alex]

With 12 points each, I have Dan Soder and Louis J. Gomez.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Dan Soder]

All right. And with a total, Anybody's game of.

[Alex]

14 points, in first place, Joe List.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Joe List]

Come on, baby, let's go.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know what? Do you know how you know how I knew it was you? Can I tell you how I knew it was Joe? Because when I did the woo thing, Joe laughed in a way that only is like a very real laugh where he went. That's why I was like, I got him.

[Joe List]

That was amazing work by me. I flipped everybody. All right, here we go.

[Dan Soder]

Drafted one at a time. He started flipping us. That was crazy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Woo.

[Joe List]

Here we go. This is Bobby's story. I'm going to say it right now. I'm writing it down. I'm going in blind. It's Bobby.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's calling his shot.

[Big J Okerson]

The final story, story number eight.

[Robert Kelly]

But we. We can't win. We're out.

[Big J Okerson]

We could tie. And it comes down to a tiebreaker. We have to see.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, we have a tiebreaker.

[Big J Okerson]

Story number eight.

[Alex]

Story number eight. I went to the bathroom to pee before a big show. I put my penis back in my pants before I was finished because I was so nervous. I had to go right on stage with a big pee stain on the front of my pants.

[Dan Soder]

This is literally everybody. Every time I pee now. As a 42 year old man, I pissed my pants.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't know. I. That happened to me November of last year, that happened to me.

[Dan Soder]

It happened to me tonight before I came down here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm a leaky faucet, baby. This could be any of us. This might be the best story because it's something we all deal with.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but it's Joe because he said penis.

[Big J Okerson]

Penis is a gay way.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Also, this is a very. I just. I know Joe's anxiety. This is a very blinky story. You could like.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, let me say. I can't speak.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I went to the bathroom to pee before a big show. I put my penis back and my. I know this might be back to back.

[Big J Okerson]

Joe, listen, I can't be white talking so much. I can't feel it's you. Feel like it's you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's not me.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like You. Well, let me say Joe. I. I don't know personally well enough for this, but I will say Lewis. I don't think he's not a big, like, got a piss constantly guy, but Dan Soder and Bobby Kelly are guys that have to piss a lot.

[Dan Soder]

Maybe they just want to get away from you.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, one of us did.

[Joe List]

Big show.

[Big J Okerson]

The is clapping for that. Oh, she gave me a fist pump for that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Son of a.

[Joe List]

Big show eliminates me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay, Jay, the thing you said about Lewis subbing in science words. Penis feels that.

[Big J Okerson]

Penis does feel very that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like Lewis was like, I put my dick penis.

[Big J Okerson]

Also choosing pee over piss is very. Like, he's trying to vanilla this. It seems like someone's trying to send them to you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Joe List]

Peace stain. Yeah, peace.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's a.

[Big J Okerson]

But also, Bobby's a very baby words guy.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but it sounds farts or.

[Big J Okerson]

I know who it is.

[Dan Soder]

I know exactly who this is.

[Robert Kelly]

It sounds like somebody had AI spell check it and they wrote penis and pee, and that's definitely you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That made no sense. So it's Bobby.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, well, it's clearly Bobby's senile. He's just saying words right now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's like, soup.

[Dan Soder]

Dad, soup.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I go, he was ordering all that food. Joe wasn't lying.

[Big J Okerson]

It's just that Bobby and Dan are my bathroom heavy friends. Yeah, baby. I'm a pizza. It's the most conversations I have with two people about situations. Dan taught me how to wipe my ass. Not six, seven years ago.

[Robert Kelly]

I get snapped.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was sitting down towards the back.

[Big J Okerson]

I was a stand up right away guy. And then I would close the grilled cheese sandwich.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know what I mean?

[Big J Okerson]

So I was like, why am I in the bathroom so long cleaning to perfection. And then Dan goes, you can get rid of a lot of that mess before you even stand up. And it was like opening a new world to me. This is not me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And this is not me, jay. It's your or.

[Big J Okerson]

Or. Or Mr. Robert Patrick Kelly.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I feel like it's Louis because of the penis.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't think Louis.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The tiny little penis that he has.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Damn it. You have a huge penis. It's a big, thick Dan. You do have peed next to Dan recently. I looked down, I was like, God damn it, Dan.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You haven't peed next to me since 2013.

[Big J Okerson]

13. Danny's not wrong. You do have a big, huge fat cock. And you might not even know that the pee is not all the way out of it because you think it's gone, but it hasn't gone to the very end. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You guys get wet. I go. You guys get wet shins.

[Robert Kelly]

You have a big penis.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, Dan's got it. Dan's average thick cock.

[Dan Soder]

Guys.

[Big J Okerson]

Let me tell you. So.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's above average.

[Big J Okerson]

It's awesome. We were in. We went out to Sal Volcano's bachelor party out in. Out in Las Vegas. And we had to change for the pool. And Dan changed. He gave me. He had to make a choice, and he chose to give me ass. His sick little ass.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I have a gross butt.

[Big J Okerson]

And then. But he had to bend over to pick up a stick. And by the way, while Dan was trying to coily do this, like, in a corner away from me, I was exclusively just staring at his ass and between his legs area. And then I saw a heavy drag drop down between the legs. Legs, right. A nice heavy drag between legs. And then.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

What did I see peeking out right at the thing? Helmet below the bag. Back shot.

[Dan Soder]

What? Dan, you make me sick with your huge.

[Big J Okerson]

I know. The rest of us are over here through balloons. You're over there. You're pissing on your knee because your dick's down one leg of your pants, you sucker. I'm gonna say Dan Soda Jay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's not me.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't. I don't care what you say. I won't listen to your lies anymore.

[Robert Kelly]

Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not paid to listen to your lies anymore.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I know exactly who it is.

[Robert Kelly]

I. I'm.

[Dan Soder]

Do you guys mind if I vote last on this one? Because I know exactly who.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it's you. That's why you would say that.

[Dan Soder]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Right?

[Big J Okerson]

God damn it. Is my hand off of this. And my hand was behind it the whole time, touching it.

[Joe List]

Dan's trying to cheat. Jan knows that I'm the best player out here. He keeps peeking at my.

[Big J Okerson]

It's crazy.

[Dan Soder]

It was like me at that bathroom installed in.

[Joe List]

I'm not. I'm not revealing my answer because these are looking at me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I. I think we've.

[Dan Soder]

I know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Barked about everybody except Joe.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I. Joe was very quiet. Bobby wrote it without confidence, though. Bobby, like Dan heard you say. He said Louis J. Gomez.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, I know exactly who it is, and I'll tell you why. Big J. He's doing a lot of yapping. I know. I know a few tells on Big J, and he's done all of them throughout this last round. I'm about to win this bitch. Because it's Big J. Okerson.

[Joe List]

My finger's still on it.

[Big J Okerson]

The final answers are already in And I'm going to tell you this right now. Louis, you sound like a fucking fool. If I had a peace date in my pants, I would just demand to go home. I would not go on stage. I am so insecure that I would be like now I'm the fat guy who can't control his business anymore. What's next? Is he gonna himself? I'm not coming to see.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's absolutely Lewis.

[Dan Soder]

Alex, who is it?

[Alex]

That was Robert Kelly.

[Dan Soder]

Third story.

[Louis J. Gomez]

By the way. By the way, Joe List. Before the story goes, it's Bobby. You should have just wrote down it's Bobby. You would have been right, you three.

[Dan Soder]

So I. We only we got one story each.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex, you give Bobby three stories.

[Dan Soder]

You take your birthday cake.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Bobby, that was great. That was great.

[Alex]

Bobby submitted like six or seven stories. Nobody does that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So it just supposed to be three to five stories.

[Robert Kelly]

Cheated for doing too little.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm glad the big dog won. I don't.

[Dan Soder]

Let's see. What are the points?

[Big J Okerson]

What are the points?

[Dan Soder]

Wait, tell the story first.

[Joe List]

I don't care about the story. I think I won.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The story is something that happens to everybody that has a penis.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

No, the key word.

[Big J Okerson]

Am I crazy?

[Robert Kelly]

It was a big show. I was at the Boston Garden.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait, wait, Bobby, before you say this, am I crazy that the re the reason I ultimately end up guessing you? I believe that happened right here at the Stan Comedy club.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And Katie talked to you about it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but this is.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was on stage and Katie goes, dan's got piss all over his jeans. I wonder if he's gonna talk about it.

[Big J Okerson]

And you know why I whiffed and I didn't? I'll tell you why I whiffed. Because I'll tell you what's the ones.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You don't take that.

[Big J Okerson]

But let me tell you, Dan, why I up big. It does say to pee before a big show. You were performing literally in the shittiest room of a comedy club upstairs of this place.

[Louis J. Gomez]

When it was the windows were open and everything. During the pandemic.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone can see your pissed in big.

[Dan Soder]

Big show was a Bobby tell. I thought Bobby would brag about the size of his show.

[Robert Kelly]

14,000 people. It's a big show Garden.

[Dan Soder]

We're opening for Dane.

[Robert Kelly]

Just guys. No, it was the rocket Boston show going up after the Spin Doctors before fish doing improv sketch comedy that those guys and we would. They were just.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Man, this is one of those games where you play it and it's so fun.

[Robert Kelly]

But they were just about to bring Us out. And I went to the bathroom, and I. I was so nervous. They were like, we gotta go. And I just put my dick back in my pants, like, with a lot of piss still left in it. And I just pissed on my front of all piss on the front of my pants.

[Big J Okerson]

What color pants?

[Robert Kelly]

It was light blue jeans.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my Christ.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Light blue jeans and piss are natural enemies.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, man. It's like Virgos and sages.

[Robert Kelly]

And then I went out. I went out in front of everybody. 14, 000 people like new kids on the Block and got booed off stage.

[Big J Okerson]

Because of your piss?

[Robert Kelly]

No, because of the improv part.

[Big J Okerson]

Piss boy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That probably would have won some people back if they go, oh, he pissed his pants.

[Big J Okerson]

He's just like us.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hey, just like us.

[Big J Okerson]

If my internal math is okay, we might have a bit of a situation.

[Dan Soder]

Let's see, Alex, what are our scores at? I'm pissed.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's go to the score center.

[Dan Soder]

I'm like Bobby's pants. I'm pissed.

[Alex]

On the scoreboard, I have big J. Okerson with six points.

[Big J Okerson]

I showed up get a Jay didn't.

[Dan Soder]

Get a single point in the second half.

[Alex]

I have Dan Soder and Lewis J. Gomez tied with 12 points each.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I love you, B. Honestly, just to. Just to go the distance with a story warrior like yourself.

[Dan Soder]

Hey, dude, you know what? You're. You're basically a story warrior now, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

You're like Rocky one.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I got to win. When I get booked the next time. I don't care about Kat. I want you to play story wars. I want you to win.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, win. Hey, Katie, if you don't want me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hey, father, Story wars. Hey, father, I'm doing story wars. It's breakups. You want to toss me down a blessing?

[Big J Okerson]

He goes, hey, Katie, if you don't me mixing up with the story warriors no more. You know I won't.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna go run with.

[Big J Okerson]

I want you to do one thing, Dan win. Bing. Just win.

[Joe List]

I know who won.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, it's not me. It's not me. It's not me and Dan or Lewis.

[Alex]

Alex in first place. I have a tie.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Dan Soder]

Wow.

[Alex]

14 points each. Bobby, Kelly, and Jo list.

[Dan Soder]

We came up. Alex, we came up with a tiebreaker, right? I don't remember what we decided on, but we did a month and a half ago.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Just a revolver. We're going to squid game this.

[Dan Soder]

So what is our tiebreaker? How do we do it again? Do we remember Kissing contest.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Kissing booth. I think we decided between the two of them.

[Dan Soder]

They're Going to have to guess one.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Of the three of your stories and then keep going until someone gets it right, and you can't. Do we get to throw them off the trail? Do we get to give them clues?

[Big J Okerson]

You're all playing giant killer.

[Dan Soder]

Is that what I. Is that what I. I, I. I gave you guys a specific tiebreaker. I don't feel like that was it. Are you sure?

[Big J Okerson]

Well, the one we had last time.

[Dan Soder]

Didn'T make any sense. No, no, no.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I.

[Dan Soder]

Afterwards, I said that didn't make any sense, and then I came up with a tiebreaker.

[Big J Okerson]

I think this is it. This is getting.

[Dan Soder]

Can you just read it and make sure that you believe this was it?

[Big J Okerson]

Not believe.

[Dan Soder]

I want you to know.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, God.

[Big J Okerson]

I haven't go into the tents. No, I have, like, the. I mean, the littlest speck of an idea. That was it.

[Joe List]

Going down, bro. Where's Bobby's tiramisu?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want one. Don't play.

[Dan Soder]

I got it right here.

[Joe List]

Tell you what.

[Dan Soder]

I'll have tied players make a secret wager of points. You guys are. You don't remember any of this? I literally wrote a whole thing. They make a secret wager of points.

[Robert Kelly]

They don't listen to you, Louis.

[Dan Soder]

It's crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, it was a dumb idea.

[Dan Soder]

Listen. No, it was a good idea. Everyone agreed. Everyone agreed on this.

[Big J Okerson]

All right?

[Dan Soder]

This is the way it's gonna work. The time.

[Big J Okerson]

You just want to be left alone.

[Dan Soder]

The Tide players make a secret wager of points. They have to wager at least one point each. One final story is read. It belongs to one of the remaining players that are not you guys. Okay? The Tide players make their guesses on who the story belongs to. They lose the points if they're wrong. They gain the points if they win. And then for some reason, if you guys have the same thing, which is very unlikely, you just repeat.

[Joe List]

This is called Final Jeopardy.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. Yes. In a roundabout way, this is indeed final.

[Joe List]

Jefferson, you're not remaining players. You're out.

[Dan Soder]

No, you. The two people that are tied.

[Big J Okerson]

You and Bob.

[Joe List]

No, but you said remaining players that aren't one of us, too. I'm just, you know, technically.

[Dan Soder]

No, it's only our stories that are being. Or your stories aren't being read. It's only me, Dan.

[Joe List]

Read it again.

[Big J Okerson]

It can't be you. This story will not be you or Bobby.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So.

[Joe List]

You guys making fun of your language because you said remaining players.

[Dan Soder]

Shut up.

[Joe List]

You're not. Not technically remaining.

[Dan Soder]

This is why nobody likes you.

[Joe List]

Oh, people like Me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She's rooting for me.

[Big J Okerson]

That lady pumped her fist for him.

[Joe List]

Yeah, that's right.

[Dan Soder]

So, yeah, you guys make a secret wager each.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Give.

[Dan Soder]

Give them a board to make a secret wager each.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, here they have my board.

[Dan Soder]

They have a separate.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Take this. It brought me. Look.

[Dan Soder]

Secret wager of. Of as many. It's got to be at least one point. You wager each. Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

6,000 points. Bobby, it's got to be the point you have.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He goes a trillion billion that if I win, no one can touch me.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I say something, though? I didn't know that. 300.

[Big J Okerson]

You have 14 points right now.

[Dan Soder]

You have 14 points that you can wager from. And we're not. The audience isn't going to know. Joe's not going to know.

[Big J Okerson]

A true daily double.

[Dan Soder]

Wow. Okay, so now Alex is going to read another story right now, and you guys will vote and whoever.

[Robert Kelly]

We get it.

[Dan Soder]

Do you?

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

Do you?

[Robert Kelly]

I do. I'm kidding. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

[Dan Soder]

And my feelings are hurt. I'm so mad at my production team. We're just like. They made up another tiebreaker.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They go, yeah. They said, you increase our pay, you order us all dinner to go from the stand.

[Big J Okerson]

We say things until whatever.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And there's rock, paper, scissors.

[Dan Soder]

They had no idea. And they just threw any horseshit out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I love it, though.

[Big J Okerson]

Another round of the thing with the stuff.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I love that energy.

[Dan Soder]

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for our first official. This is the first time we've ever done this, the first time we've ever done our tiebreaker round, folks. Come on, clap your hands.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's go. Let's go.

[Big J Okerson]

And the tiebreaker. For no reason whatsoever. Triple point.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They're not.

[Dan Soder]

I mean, they wagered their points. That's specifically the point. But anyway, we could just scream triple points.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Yeah. Triple points for you. Yeah. You triple what we wager, don't change anything.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Alex, our tiebreaker story.

[Alex]

Story number nine. In high school, I was playing Scattergories with a group of friends. With a group of friends and the girl I had a crush on. During the game, I laughed so hard that I loudly farted and everyone just got silent. I never hooked up with the girl.

[Dan Soder]

It can't be Joe's story. Right, because it sounds like a Joe story.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, it can't be.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's reeks to Joe List.

[Robert Kelly]

It's.

[Big J Okerson]

No, but it's got to be Rachel.

[Dan Soder]

Do we have to be quiet for these two guys? No, that's what I'm wondering.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right.

[Dan Soder]

We could just say whatever we want.

[Big J Okerson]

It's me, Danner Lewis. I'll tell you that. Lewis loves board games for sure. But I was also.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Lewis does. He did at the end. It was like I never hooked up with the girl. Like we'd be like you eventually.

[Big J Okerson]

Let me tell you this also Dan Soder. I here's why I wouldn't think it's him. Dan Soder will fart in front of a lady and like, you know, and point at himself while it's happening. That's coming from right here. This guy is not afraid of a fart in front of a lady. Now I don't know if if this is the situation that turned just is how I am. But he does not farting in front of. He would be like, this girl's gay for not thinking that was hilarious. Yeah, like you're upset with her.

[Dan Soder]

Let. Let Dan and Joe. What are you guys thinking right now?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let me.

[Dan Soder]

Joe's taking this very seriously.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh yeah.

[Joe List]

It's interesting that you guys are still trying to throw people off the scent, but you're not even in it.

[Dan Soder]

The scent fart joke. Fuck yeah, Joe.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice.

[Dan Soder]

You're a king. Joe's a king.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. It's the haze of war.

[Dan Soder]

So you reveal your answer first, then your points after your answer.

[Robert Kelly]

Lewis, did you go to high school.

[Big J Okerson]

For a little bit?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, I went to high school. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

He loves scattergories.

[Dan Soder]

I do love Scattergories.

[Big J Okerson]

And he has crushes on his.

[Dan Soder]

Scattergories is another shit joke. Come on, folks. This is great.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Layers. Layers.

[Dan Soder]

Loving it. Yeah. I mean, I'm not trying. I'm not trying to throw you guys off. It's not my game to play. It's your guys to game to win.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm still going home to Chinese food.

[Big J Okerson]

I still don't know what the game's categories is.

[Joe List]

Because that's cheating. I spilled water.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is a ruse. A ruse.

[Joe List]

Damn it. I'm covered in water in the dick. But I'm gonna win. Don't look.

[Big J Okerson]

Scattergory.

[Dan Soder]

They both voted me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, oh, now what happens when this happens?

[Dan Soder]

Well, no, they've lose a lot of points.

[Joe List]

Someone's gonna win.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's time for cool change.

[Joe List]

I'm in a lot of trouble if I'm wrong.

[Dan Soder]

Alex.

[Alex]

That was Louis J. Gomez.

[Dan Soder]

It was me.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. Okay.

[Dan Soder]

It was.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Freak out.

[Dan Soder]

Joe List voted 13 points. So Joe's got a total of 27 points right now.

[Joe List]

Times three.

[Dan Soder]

No, wait a minute.

[Robert Kelly]

How many points?

[Dan Soder]

He's got 27. He wagered 13 points.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's see. That's gonna be 21. Two.

[Joe List]

He's playing it. He's me. He's got 14.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He did 14. Piece of four. 10.5. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. I go for it.

[Robert Kelly]

I went for it before.

[Big J Okerson]

Before the final round, Bobby was tied for last place. Comes back and wins. Bobby, as an official story warrior, do you want to say the words for the first time and have them react for you when you're a story where you get to say the dp.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Say double penetration.

[Robert Kelly]

I know. Let me just take a breath, because I don't.

[Big J Okerson]

Go ahead. Get the room. Quiet.

[Dan Soder]

Bobby's out of breath. Hold on.

[Robert Kelly]

It's double points. Hey, Come on, old lady. Get up.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, Bobby Kelly is an official story warrior. You get the book. Murder at the Sunshine Mental Asylum. Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's so funny because I'm like the guy that's just happy to be on the podium.

[Joe List]

Guys, by the way, all time high score.

[Dan Soder]

By the way, all time high score, Bobby Kelly.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby. Wow. I didn't know this signed.

[Robert Kelly]

What just happened?

[Big J Okerson]

I sneezed. Signed by Danielle right now herself.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Wow. Bobby, how does it feel? You look so happy right now, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

I feel I don't win anything.

[Big J Okerson]

This is so big for you.

[Robert Kelly]

I am so happy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Joe's baby by Get Shook tonight.

[Robert Kelly]

It makes it so much better than you.

[Big J Okerson]

Everybody sign it. Joe, sign the book. Don't be that guy.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't sign a dick.

[Joe List]

Where do I sign?

[Robert Kelly]

Inside.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Put a penis in there.

[Dan Soder]

Also, we're going to put an official story. We're going to put an official story. Where? A stamp on that book as well. You get to take that home. Read it, please. Come back the next time. Tell us what you thought of the book.

[Robert Kelly]

Sure, I will. I'd love to read this.

[Big J Okerson]

He will. Don't put that on him. He will do it right now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We will.

[Big J Okerson]

He watches everyone's specials when they come into the bonfire. It's batshit.

[Dan Soder]

Ladies and gentlemen, clap it up for your entire panel. Dan Sota, Joe List. And our newest story, Warrior, the great Robert Kelly. Come on, folks.

[Big J Okerson]

That's right, everybody.

[Robert Kelly]

It's okay. It's all right, Joe. It's all right.

[Big J Okerson]

Stay tuned for another episode of Franklin and Bash after these words. We're the story warriors, everybody. Big J Okerson, the Puerto Rican rattlesnake, Louis J. Gomez. Thank you so much to our panel. Thank you so much for being here. We'll catch you next time on Story Wars. Good night.