028. Yamaneika Saunders, Jordan Jensen, & Brendan Sagalow | Romance

Summary

Story Warz Episode 028: Romance Showdown with Yamaneika Saunders, Jordan Jensen, & Brendan Sagalow

Release Date: February 14, 2025

Introduction

Welcome to Episode 028 of Story Warz, a captivating game of deceptive storytelling hosted by Big J Okerson and Lewis J. Gomez from the GaS Digital Network. This Valentine's Day special, the theme revolves around Romance, featuring three vibrant contestants: Yamaneika Saunders, Jordan Jensen, and Brendan Sagalow. Filmed live at The Stand Comedy Club in New York City, the episode promises a blend of humor, wit, and heartfelt stories as contestants vie for the title of Story Warrior.

Meet the Contestants

1. Yamaneika Saunders

   • Background: Known for her YouTube special "White N Word with an A," Yamaneika brings her sharp comedic timing and candid personality to the stage.
   • Notable Quote: "I love that you brought me up to Beyonce." [02:03]

2. Jordan Jensen

   • Background: From the acclaimed show "Being Eaten" and her 30-minute special on Gas Digital, Jordan is ready to showcase her storytelling prowess.
   • Notable Quote: "This is the most humiliating night of my entire life." [13:15]

3. Brendan Sagalow

   • Background: Brendan, recognized from "SAG Daddy" and "Thin Lips" on YouTube, adds his unique comedic flair to the competition.
   • Notable Quote: "I like playing that guy in the game where I just... I'm like the joker here." [06:34]

Understanding the Game: Story Wars

Big J Okerson and Lewis J. Gomez kick off by explaining the rules of Story Wars:

• Submission: Each participant, including the hosts, submits five stories centered around the episode's theme—in this case, Romance.
• Gameplay: Stories are read aloud one by one. The panel must guess who submitted each story. If it's not their own, they earn points by correctly identifying the author. If it is their own, they score points by deceiving others into believing it's someone else's story.
• Scoring:
  • One Point: For fooling someone into believing a story isn't theirs.
  • Two Points: For correctly guessing another's story.
  • Double Points: Introduced in the final four stories, amplifying the competition stakes.

Gameplay Breakdown

1. Story Number One: Improvisational Dance
   Alex presents: "I once blacked out and performed a very long improvisational dance in front of my crush." [05:29]

   • Discussion:
     • Jordan is initially suspected due to her sobriety and past performances.
     • Brendan humorously suggests it might be him, given his penchant for antics.
     • Yamaneika quickly dismisses the possibility, leading to laughter.
   • Reveal: Jordan Jensen admits to the story, earning one point for deceiving the panel.

2. Story Number Two: Aluminum Foil Teeth
   Alex shares: "I once wore aluminum foil on my teeth because my crush was attracted to braces." [16:08]

   • Discussion:
     • Brendan, Yamaneika, and Lewis debate who among them found this comedic gesture plausible.
     • Lewis suggests it might be him, teasing about his attraction to braces.
   • Reveal: The story is attributed to Lewis J. Gomez, who explains his rationale, garnering him two points.

3. Story Number Three: Shared Tattoo
   Alex introduces: "I share a tattoo with an ex." [27:33]

   • Discussion:
     • Brendan and Jordan joke about their own tattoo experiences.
     • Yamaneika contemplates if it's a joint tattoo with someone else.
   • Reveal: Lewis J. Gomez shares that he has the wrong initials in Chinese characters on his arm for an ex-girlfriend, earning him another two points.

4. Story Number Four: Connected at the Genitals
   Alex narrates: "I once tried to fall asleep with a significant other while connected at the genitals." [39:21]

   • Discussion:
     • Yamaneika misunderstands the term initially, adding confusion and humor.
     • Jordan and Brendan tease about the awkwardness of the situation.
   • Reveal: The story belongs to Big J Okerson, who shares an exaggerated and humorous account, earning him two points.

5. Story Number Five: Surprise Party and Cheating
   Alex conveys: "My first romantic partner threw me a surprise party where I found out they were cheating on me with one of my best friends." [61:25]

   • Discussion:
     • The panel suspects Brendan due to his candid nature.
     • Yamaneika and Lewis analyze the emotional depth of the story.
   • Reveal: Brendan Sagalow confesses the story, pushing him into the lead with four points.

6. Story Number Six: Pooping in the Toilet
   Alex reports: "I pooped in the person I was seeing's parents' toilet. And it wouldn't go down, so I took it out with a plastic bag and threw it out the window." [70:26]

   • Discussion:
     • Lewis and Yamaneika debate who among them could commit such a faux pas.
     • Jordan shares a similar embarrassing experience, adding to the humor.
   • Reveal: The story is Jordan Jensen's, earning her two points.

7. Story Number Seven: Valentine's Balloons
   Alex presents: "When I was in high school, I covered my significant other's car in pink and purple balloons on Valentine's Day. Everyone made fun of it, and my partner was mortified." [81:33]

   • Discussion:
     • Brendan and Lewis joke about decorating cars with balloons, questioning the authenticity.
     • Yamaneika sarcastically suggests it might be related to cultural expressions.
   • Reveal: The story is revealed to be Lewis J. Gomez's act, earning him another two points.

8. Story Number Eight: Love Notes to Self
   Alex discloses: "When I was a kid, I would buy my own Valentine's and have them sent to me. I would write myself love notes and giggle like it was so romantic." [93:21]

   • Discussion:
     • Yamaneika immediately questions the authenticity, suspecting it was orchestrated.
     • Jordan and Brendan find the self-love concept both funny and relatable.
   • Reveal: The heartfelt yet humorous story is attributed to Yamaneika Saunders, earning her two points.

Final Scoring and Winner

As the game progresses, points soar with Brendan Sagalow and Yamaneika Saunders both amassing impressive scores. Despite Big J Okerson starting strong, the competition intensifies with double points in the final stories.

• Final Scores:
  • Jordan Jensen: 19 Points
  • Brendan Sagalow: 11 Points
  • Yamaneika Saunders: 14 Points
  • Lewis J. Gomez: 10 Points
  • Big J Okerson: 4 Points

Winner: Jordan Jensen emerges victorious with a total of 19 points, earning the prize—"Undercover" by J. Love, a contemporary romance novel exploring themes of trust, loyalty, and personal transformation.

Notable Interactions and Quotes

• Big J Okerson [04:00]: "This is really just breaking four months in. Broke it."
• Lewis J. Gomez [07:35]: "You drew a penis. That is officially."
• Yamaneika Saunders [11:01]: "I'm going to put on Jordan. I'm sorry, Jordan."
• Brendan Sagalow [17:39]: "I'm competitive, but I'm also like, what am I gonna win? A fucking book?"

Conclusion

Episode 028 of Story Warz masterfully blends comedic banter, sharp wit, and engaging storytelling. The dynamic between hosts and contestants fuels an entertaining atmosphere, making the exploration of romantic tales both hilarious and relatable. Jordan Jensen's triumph underscores her ability to deceive and captivate the panel, cementing her status as the ultimate Story Warrior of the night. Listeners are left eagerly anticipating future episodes, where more stories, laughter, and surprises await.

Transcript

[Big J Okerson]

Fill her up. You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Story War with the Story Warriors, Big J Okerson and Lewis J. Go.

[Big J Okerson]

I think I saw that guy telling his girlfriend. I don't know what the fuck this is. That's fair enough. Maybe not. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Story Wars. Thank you for being here with us, everybody. We are your Story Warriors. Big J Okerson, the Puerto Rican rattlesnake, Louis J. Gomez. Who here is familiar with the show Story Wars?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I am. Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

All right. That's not great.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No. Yeah. But who's not. Who's not familiar with the show? Mostly everyone. Good. Great.

[Big J Okerson]

But altogether low confidence in their cheers. Communally, it is a very, very fun show. We'll explain it all when everybody gets up here, but we have three amazing contestants playing with us today on Story Wars. Our first guest coming to the stage, she has a new special out called White N word.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, no, it's N word with an A, right? I think you're allowed to say it since it's the name of her special.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I don't think so. I think that's the trick. I think that's the written in trick she did. It's her new special on YouTube right now. White N. *. *. * A on YouTube right now. Make some noise for the hilarious Yamanika Saunders, everybody.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I love that you brought me up to Beyonce.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hell yeah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Right?

[Big J Okerson]

Well, she's the king of country.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yes, Absolutely.

[Big J Okerson]

Everything's wrong with that sentence.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And our second guest and competitor on Story wars, you know, are from being Eaten with Jordan. And also her 30 minute special available on Gas Digital and on YouTube. Clap it up for Jordan Jensen.

[Jordan Jensen]

What's going on with the people directing us to our seats? No offense. Do you guys think we're. What did you think we were gonna do?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We just come up here.

[Big J Okerson]

Almost every week someone tries to come.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Up here, they shimmy across the stage. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Yamanika Saunders]

They've never had a woman on before. Only dumb men would try to walk up there.

[Big J Okerson]

Never a black woman. We broke our own.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Good, good. It's time to change.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We had one rule when we started the show, and here we are today.

[Big J Okerson]

We're really just breaking four months in. Broke it. Our final contestant, everybody. You know him from the SAG Daddy, the Pod, Podcast, and Thin Lips on YouTube. How about it for the hilarious Brendan Sagala?

[Yamanika Saunders]

Idiot.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Idiot.

[Big J Okerson]

Idiot. Stupid. Idiot.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Open mouth. Get fed, yo.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Now me crumbs.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Very soon.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Making bread, though. How exciting.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What a panel we have today of competitors. Holy.

[Big J Okerson]

Absolutely. Thank you, all three of you, for being here with us. If you're not familiar with the game of story, I'll explain it to you right now. Everybody on this panel, all five of us, including Lewis and I, have submitted five, three to five stories to our producer, Alex on one particular subject. Today's subject, Louis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Romance.

[Big J Okerson]

Romance. That's right. We've all submitted the stories, Alex. We'll then read these stories off one at a time. We will see it on the screen right here. If. Yes. Is everything all right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, of course.

[Big J Okerson]

If it is not your story, it is your job to guess whose story it is. If it is your story, it's your job to trick people that it's not your story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And for every person you fool, you get one point. Every time you guess the story correctly, you get two points. Once you put your answer on the dry erase board and put it in the holster and take your hand off, that is it. You can't change your answer. That is your final answer. I know it seems very confusing to everyone, but I promise you right now, everyone's gonna get it. This is gay, says Brandon. Thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

No, that wasn't confusing. Laughter that was the laughter that. That rule we let slide every week at some point.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, they were laughing because Brendan wrote this is gay on his dry erase board.

[Big J Okerson]

Real nice, Brendan. Real childish, you piece of shit.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

It is a very, very simple game and always here. So, you know, we are playing for a prize.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. It's not just for the love of the game, folks.

[Big J Okerson]

No, not at all. You are here to play for one of the books from the Story Warriors Library. This week's a biggie, everyone. This week's winner receives Undercover by J. Love. Undercover by J. Love is a contemporary romance novel that delves into the complex world of undercover work, Roman, and personal transformation. So it's not all for nothing. Everybody, everybody understands the game as best they're going to. I think the answer is yes on that. Everybody, everybody, I think it's time. Let's go to war.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, our first story, please.

[Alex]

Story number one. I once blacked out and performed a very long improvisational dance in front of my crush.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This seems.

[Big J Okerson]

This seems like a girl.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Blacking out. Has Jordan Jensen written all over it.

[Big J Okerson]

Really?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Jordan, you drink, right?

[Jordan Jensen]

I've been sober for 15 years.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So that's why you got sober. It was this one last time you were so embarrassed about performing your.

[Big J Okerson]

When your crush never talked to you again because you aggressively danced in front of him. When you were blacked out.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Then again, black people love dancing. So it could be Yamanika.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, but I don't. Oh, I mean, I don't know if black people call it improvisational dance. They just call it dancing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's just dancing.

[Big J Okerson]

Dancing?

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Like, why would you have to specify? He goes, I didn't do a routine.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Well, that's a certain form of dance is improvisational dance.

[Big J Okerson]

It sounds white.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, it has to be. Sagalo does all act out stuff.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I know. I was thinking him too, but he would get way better.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Could be me, who knows? I like playing that guy in the game where I just. I'm like the joker here. Could be me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

That works. You'd be surprised more times than not.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Well, it definitely ain't me. How does this game work again? Am I supposed to convince him it's.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Me you're supposed to convince. You're supposed to. If it is you, you're supposed to convince everyone that it's not you. Or you're supposed to guess the right person.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Okay, well, it definitely ain't me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Good job.

[Jordan Jensen]

Okay, Okay. I also did not do that.

[Big J Okerson]

That could be a lie. Also.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'll tell you why I think it's Jordan. Because she's the only person here that would, like, mention that she blacked out.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Like, right, blacked out.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm crazy. That's the only thing.

[Yamanika Saunders]

And she hides her whimsy a lot. There's a lot of whimsy. No whimsy, no whimsy. You keep covering it up with all this other shit, but you whimsical bitch.

[Big J Okerson]

Is it going as everything I believe about you and you don't just sing it. She's doing it now.

[Brendan Sagalo]

She's doing it right in front of us. We must be fools.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Or maybe it's not blacked out with drinking. Maybe she blacked out, like, got extra black. And it is Yama.

[Jordan Jensen]

Do you.

[Big J Okerson]

How about.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It could be one of you two.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Are you trying to fill up some type of racist meter tonight or what.

[Big J Okerson]

The is going on? He thought last time.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Good times. Every time he say something. It's some old school from back in the 70s. Yeah, you know, people, they blacked out.

[Big J Okerson]

You know, Lewis thought last week's episode was a little hypersexual, so we're gonna crank up the racism.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You were hypersexual.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, yeah, you said you thought the episode was too.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I thought you said I was hypersexual.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you live life hypersexual. And I'LL tell you this, ladies sluts. Lewis doesn't say blacked out. I'm gonna throw a monkey wrench here and say this is possibly Brendan Sagalo because he raps in front of people.

[Jordan Jensen]

He does so willingly.

[Big J Okerson]

That's sober.

[Brendan Sagalo]

And it may go a little something like this. I could tell you my answer.

[Big J Okerson]

Or he goes, I don't know. Do I? Am I willing to see? I don't know. Here's a little something. I just.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna get the voting going. I think it could be Brendan. It's either Brendan or Jordan. I don't think it's Jay. Jay doesn't really black out.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll also improvisational dance in front of my crush. Stone sober.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah, right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, I'm going with SAG Daddy. The God.

[Big J Okerson]

Are you thinking about that, too? I'm gonna go. I'm gonna take a little bit different on this one. I think we have to start demanding that the contestants listen to the rules when we say them, because we tell them the crowd, and then none of them listen to us. And then they come and they go, what do we play this game again? I'm going to go, Jordan, final. And just so you know, I will restate this again. It could be me or Lewis. We are in the game.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I didn't know you guys were.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We said it.

[Big J Okerson]

God damn it. We say it 16 times. I say it in the back. I say it on stage every week. Three, four times.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I didn't know. Wait a minute. Ah, shit. I got to start off.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It could be one of them.

[Yamanika Saunders]

It could be one of them.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I said that, right? I said that, though.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I wasn't even thinking about it.

[Big J Okerson]

I said that this show has to get legs so this stops happening.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You know what I'm thinking? It's.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Why don't y'all put the directions up here so we can read it? You had this teach us how to walk to the stage. And the rest of the. Is all grabbed.

[Big J Okerson]

We explained it slowly for everybody.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We give you a whole Braveheart speech in the hallway.

[Big J Okerson]

She doesn't understand the game still. She doesn't understand the game still.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Miss. You'll get it. Don't worry.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

No, we may not have said it, but I said it back in the. No, no, no.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You said it here.

[Jordan Jensen]

When are we supposed to put our boards up one after the other? How you boys just did it or not?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Now's fine.

[Brendan Sagalo]

SAG Look, I know you all look.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Oh, y'all just gonna skip the fuck over me. The idea.

[Big J Okerson]

There's no. Order.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Stop making this racial skip the fuck over. Boom. And now here go this nigga. Why do I have to go laugh?

[Jordan Jensen]

I got too wild. I got too excited.

[Big J Okerson]

I forgot it's February. Yaman. I'm sorry.

[Jordan Jensen]

I'm so sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm sorry.

[Jordan Jensen]

I'm so sorry.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Don't ever forget it, nigga.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Ya just put her sneakers on. No, no, no. You gotta vote for somebody. Yeah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Huh? I gotta vote, right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yep. I'm terrified of Yama.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know why she's angry at any of us.

[Yamanika Saunders]

No, no, no, no. I'm gonna be honest. I told you this earlier. I said, yo, you really grown into, like, a spectacular man. I'm proud of you, cuz. When I met you, like, 25 years ago, we thought you was retarded. So it's been a long road with this nigga.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's been.

[Yamanika Saunders]

It's definitely Jordan. I want you. I want to see you do something whimsical.

[Big J Okerson]

He raps.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You're gonna. Yeah, you're gonna see some whimsy.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Nah, nah, nah. I gotta put on Jordan. I'm sorry, Jordan. And it's not because you a bitch. You know what I'm saying? Oh. I mean, a woman, but you know what I'm saying?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah. That never was in her head for a moment.

[Big J Okerson]

Jordan, by the way, I voted for you because I just think you're a real bitch.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Okay, Is it me? I'm gonna. I'm gonna say it's Jordan because it just feels like the way you talk, it's too many words. Improvisational, very long. Yeah, so. And crush. So literally, you.

[Jordan Jensen]

You are the crush boy. You say crush. All sorts of crush.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Only when I'm talking about the chairs I'm sitting in. Am I right, you guys?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Fat jokes, fat jokes, fat jokes, fat jokes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

So I'm gonna say, Jordan, it's a penis.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You drew a penis.

[Big J Okerson]

That is officially. Okay. But that will represent. That represents Jordan here on referred to.

[Jordan Jensen]

Why'd you say.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I'm trying to figure out how I got booked on this.

[Big J Okerson]

That's fair. Sagolo Sagalo is in. All right, all five answers are locked in. Alex.

[Alex]

Story number one belonged to Jordan Jackson.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Brendan Sagalo]

There it is.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

There it is.

[Big J Okerson]

If.

[Jordan Jensen]

If I. No. Can you write me? No.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, you can't write yourself. No. Yeah. Thank God.

[Yamanika Saunders]

We took too long to walk through some we knew was already this. Not again.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So what was the story, Jordan? What happened here?

[Yamanika Saunders]

A lot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, tell us the actual story. What happened?

[Jordan Jensen]

It's really. I wrote it down first. And I was gonna delete it because then I sent her more stories, but I just didn't delete that one. But this is the most humiliating night of my entire life. I was madly in love with a guy. He was playing harmonica. I was minoring. I was minor.

[Big J Okerson]

Now, that's where everyone started giggling, if you didn't notice.

[Jordan Jensen]

He was very skillfully playing the harmonica.

[Big J Okerson]

He could shred.

[Jordan Jensen]

He was shredding. And I was. I was. I was minoring in. In dance. And I was taking improvisational dance. And I was so drunk. And I did, like, an hour long performance that was very emotional. Emotional, like very, like, you know, like, moving bodies, like slam poetry as a dance. It is not okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Was it the lead singer of Blues Traveler?

[Jordan Jensen]

No.

[Yamanika Saunders]

What?

[Jordan Jensen]

Was he there? He wasn't there. This is the other thing you need to remember. This was me and him alone. No, there were no other people.

[Big J Okerson]

So he was playing. Was he playing harmonica for you hostage?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, God. That's like a scene. If an alien came down and saw that, it'd kill itself.

[Jordan Jensen]

I would like to. I want to kill myself.

[Big J Okerson]

This drunk bugging me. Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

It was the same. Same night that I fell off a stoop of something and farted really loud.

[Yamanika Saunders]

What is this?

[Big J Okerson]

This done farted?

[Jordan Jensen]

No, I fell off. I fell off a stoop, but I farted. But I felt really bad because I hit my tailbone. But I was in pain, but I couldn't acknowledge that I farted. But it was really loud. So he just had to, like, help me and ignore that I.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Did he play over it. He was like. I didn't hear anything.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I was just meant to do that. That's great.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Thanks, Brendan. All right, Alex, where are points at? Sir, shut the up. There's no questions during the show. This isn't a Q Insane.

[Jordan Jensen]

Why are their lights up so bright?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Because we have to have a lot of light here.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a podcast that gets shown.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, it's a podcast?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Great.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Save your questions for after the show.

[Jordan Jensen]

I mean, I can see them. It's crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You too, lady. Shut the fuck up. What is going on with this audience? You're not part of the show. Sit there and laugh. You're our pawns.

[Big J Okerson]

Stop acting so white in February. Is that what they're doing? They're talking loud in the theater because they're acting black for February.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Marika, take your thing out your pussy. No, you're the thing out of the stand.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Is that what the fuck you call it? A pussy?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

A thing?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, Louis, Right on your pussy.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah, keep playing it off.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex. Story number two.

[Jordan Jensen]

Hold on.

[Alex]

Let's go.

[Big J Okerson]

We need scores.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, scores. Holy shit. This is a mess.

[Alex]

I have Louis J. Gomez not yet on the scoreboard with zero points. Jordan Jensen scored one point for tricking Lewis, and, yeah, Big J Yamanika and Brendan Sagalo all scored two points each for guessing correctly.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I didn't know there was points for that. Is that something you explained in the.

[Big J Okerson]

Beginning too completely to you guys and them all at the same time?

[Jordan Jensen]

I feel like the people.

[Big J Okerson]

It's gonna get there.

[Jordan Jensen]

Huge problem.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, let's take a quick moment and thank Mando for supporting today's show. I love Mando. It is total body deodorant. Deodorant's not just for me. For your armpits anymore, Jay. That's an old school way of thinking.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it's for, like, behind your dick and balls everywhere, dude.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Your balls, your grundle, your taint, your. The backs of your knees, little flaps of skin. A lot of our fans are fat, so they have a lot of flaps. I say I would describe our fans having as having a lot of pits on their body.

[Big J Okerson]

That's true. And you can. I will push it slightly into my asshole. But I'll tell you this, if your asshole's not accepting it, don't force it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's been developed by a doctor who truly understands that normal body odor shouldn't be a source of embarrassment. And Mando has clinically proven to block odor all day and control it for up to 72 hours. And really what we're gonna tell you to do is try out their starter pack. Look how excited Alex is. Try out their starter pack, which includes a cream deodorant, a solid stick deodorant, and two products of your choice, like the mini body wash or the deodorant wipes so you can take a Puerto Rican shower right at the stand, right up in the bathroom.

[Big J Okerson]

Mando, your pussy stink. Fix it right now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's going to shopmando.com shopmano.com and use the promo code wars with a Z. You're going to get 40% off your starter pack. That's $5 off your starter pack. So go there today.

[Big J Okerson]

Shopmando.com remember shopmando.com you can put it in your ass, but don't force it. Where were we? All right. It's a pretty even game. Alex. Story number two.

[Alex]

Story number two. I once wore aluminum foil on my teeth because my crush was attracted to braces.

[Jordan Jensen]

Brendan It's Brendan.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, no, no.

[Yamanika Saunders]

That sounds just like his ass.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, God.

[Brendan Sagalo]

They're gonna find out.

[Big J Okerson]

The thought of putting aluminum foil in your teeth is already so bad.

[Brendan Sagalo]

See, now I think it's you.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think it's Jay, too, because he's attracted to girls with braces currently.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, no.

[Big J Okerson]

She was attracted to people with braces.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, never mind.

[Big J Okerson]

No, that was good, though. You're trying a lot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I am trying a lot.

[Big J Okerson]

You just go.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Great penmanship.

[Big J Okerson]

That really is beautiful.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Holy.

[Jordan Jensen]

I wear turtlenecks now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Guys, you don't have to vote right away. We can make fun of each other, call each other gay a little bit.

[Jordan Jensen]

I think it's branded because his cheeks got immediately red. See the red?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I've never done. No, I'm just born red, and I've never done anything.

[Jordan Jensen]

Also, tin foil on the teeth is the most brutal feeling in the world.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I wouldn't do that. I. I. And I have done that, but I wouldn't do that for anybody but myself, you know, to, like, look cool.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I used to make a little mouthpiece out of tinfoil, and then it would hit a. Like a filling, and it would hurt like hell. Yeah, yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Like a sonic.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Paint.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Brutal.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's definitely one of you guys.

[Jordan Jensen]

Jay, you're being quiet.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Definitely over there.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's definitely.

[Big J Okerson]

I sure am. I'm trying to think of what this foil on my teeth say. Retract the braces. That's not gonna be braces.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I just don't think. Hey, no offense.

[Jordan Jensen]

The question is. Go ahead.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I. You're a great actor.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I've seen you in stuff. You're really good.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Name two things right now. Name two things you've seen Big J act in right now. You lying suck up.

[Big J Okerson]

Just for the record.

[Yamanika Saunders]

No, no.

[Big J Okerson]

For the record, Brendan, I've been in three things.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Crashing. Yeah, yeah. And the stripper movie.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Hustlers. All right, you know what?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'll give it to you.

[Jordan Jensen]

You were in Hustlers.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'll say this.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He played. He was. I was.

[Big J Okerson]

JLo's left ass cheek.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'll say this, though. I don't think you're currently being a good actor. I think you're doing all the stuff that if someone. Who's lying. Reading it with your. With your eyebrows.

[Jordan Jensen]

No, he does that every time.

[Brendan Sagalo]

One squirrel. Who would do this? It's very obviously you, and I'm putting that down.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait, Brendan.

[Jordan Jensen]

Brendan.

[Big J Okerson]

Hooking. Sagalo.

[Jordan Jensen]

Let me ask you something. If you make, like, a casserole and you have to cover it up with something. What do you cover it up with? What do you cover it up with? The metal stuff.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Tin foil.

[Jordan Jensen]

He says tin.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Tin foil.

[Jordan Jensen]

What?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I would say aluminium, like a British person.

[Jordan Jensen]

Okay. He says aluminium.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Aluminum.

[Big J Okerson]

What do you say? I would say tin foil.

[Jordan Jensen]

I would say tin as well.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Why are you looking at me?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, it might be Yamanika.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yamanika only use the microphone when she's chewing and she's talking. She refuses. It's insane. I've never seen somebody.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Is that true? I'm sorry, I'm high.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm so sorry. I'm high.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I didn't know that. That's crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Maybe. Oh. Oh, this is a tough one, because this is a truly thing to do.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like it might be Yamano. And I already said Brendan. I said, yeah, I know. I. I locked in early too.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You know, here's the only thing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Talk into your microphone.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Right, right, right, right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's a podcast that goes out to the masses.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I'm sorry. This is what's bugging me, because immediately I'm like, that sounds exactly like Brendan. But why did you go through that whole thing about how to pronounce?

[Jordan Jensen]

Because it says aluminum.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Well, I wouldn't even. I also say tin foil.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, we all say tin foil, right?

[Yamanika Saunders]

Were you trying to trick.

[Jordan Jensen]

I was trying to see if he went aluminum foil.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You can' Trust it, though, because these idiots wrote it.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I'm gonna tell you that somebody here might want to go with their gut before Lewis takes a sweep. Might be. Lewis said. Because he said he does say aluminum, and no one of us.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I do say aluminum foil. I really do. But this is not me. I will tell you right now.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I also think it's.

[Yamanika Saunders]

That's like a trick now, right? What if he's like, okay, I'm sorry, guys, I'm back. What if he's playing us?

[Big J Okerson]

Right?

[Yamanika Saunders]

Right. Like, what if you're like, oh, it's not me, but I know how to say it, and I said it yesterday, and it's like, who is it?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Because my teeth. Because my crush was attracted to braces. I think a guy would be attracted to braces. No. Girls attracted to braces. This could be a Jordan story. Again, Jordan's a. I really thought Jordan. And you can get two stories in.

[Big J Okerson]

A row, you know, totally random. It can be two in a row. I'm already locked in.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna go with Jordan. This sounds like a psycho Jordan story.

[Big J Okerson]

I think you're right.

[Jordan Jensen]

Always.

[Big J Okerson]

Probably was it also, she Voted way, way late. She voted way, way late.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And she said crush again. Crush was the word she used in the last story.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Wait a minute.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's too late.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Whoa.

[Big J Okerson]

You're fine. You're fine. Once you're locked in, you're locked in.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Damn, dude.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Oh, I was already locked. Locked in.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, that's such a smoking gun is.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You had Brendan down the first time, too. So you was locked in also. We both put the same down. Same. No, no, no. I want you to tell me how this white woman wasn't locked in when I was locked in.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But she didn't put it in her ear.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You did put it. What? Her thing wasn't here?

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Damn.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Okay. I was getting ready to call Martin Luther King. I was gonna call the spirit of Martin Luther King up in this bitch. Okay?

[Big J Okerson]

All the answers are locked in, Alex.

[Alex]

Holy. You guys, that story belongs to Yamini.

[Yamanika Saunders]

That is insane. How did you do that?

[Brendan Sagalo]

You weren't even.

[Jordan Jensen]

You weren't even awake for half of that. That's crazy.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You were literally gone. Listen, I. I knew I had it in the fucking bag, right? And then all the fucking. This fucking Nancy Drew bitch is like. How do you say aluminum? I was like, fuck. Cause I. Oh, they say tin foil.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Damn.

[Jordan Jensen]

I thought that was a good idea.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yama, what pedophile was your crush? Tell me.

[Yamanika Saunders]

No, no, no, no, I had.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Dude, that's hilarious.

[Yamanika Saunders]

No, because I'm kind of weird. Like, my crush.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

So I had a crush on this kid, right? And every time he took his glasses off, he, like, looked cute, but he.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Had glasses and braces.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah, but then he was like, nerd. No, no, I. Can I tell my love story when I was in the second grade?

[Big J Okerson]

Present, please?

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah, please. So I was, like, madly in love with him, but he'd have the glasses. I was like, you have to take him glasses off. And I was always trying to find a way to. For him to take the glasses off because I thought he was cute out the glasses. So I'd be like, can you take your glasses off and see if that's an ant on the ground? You know, like wild shit, right? And then I would be, like, flirting with him and everything and everything. And it always seemed like he looked right past me. And when I saw that he looked the behind me that he liked, I knew he liked her because the bitch had grills, right? She had braces.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wait, grills are not braces, nigga.

[Yamanika Saunders]

We didn't know that. So, first of all, I went to school in the 80s. There wasn't even such a thing as a damn grill, okay? You understand? So when I saw that, I said, oh, he likes her with the braces. I went and did the little foil shit, right? And I put. Let me tell you something, I've never. I locked that shit in so tight and there was a pain that came over my motherfucking teeth so hard that I thought I was going to collapse into nothingness. Don't ever fucking put aluminum full. And for the white people, tin full on your teeth. It is the worst pain. My God in heaven.

[Big J Okerson]

He was the get go.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Did it work? Did you end up dating?

[Yamanika Saunders]

No, I. I didn't. You know, it. You know.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It didn't work.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah, it didn't work out.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, Alex, where are our points at after questions?

[Big J Okerson]

That's a shake up.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, that was huge for Yamanika.

[Alex]

All right, I have Lewis with zero.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Shut the fuck up, Alex. You could just not even say my name.

[Alex]

Jordan Jensen with one point.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Big J. And Brendan Sagala with two points each. And Yamaneka has taken the lead with six points.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Wow. I ain't paying attention to one rule on this game and I'm winning, you see? Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, put your heart into it because if you win, you get undercover by J. Love. The story follows the protagonist, a skilled undercover agent who is tasked with infiltrating a dangerous criminal organization. As the protagonist navigates this high stakes assignment, they find themselves drawn to a person in the criminal world, which complicates the mission and challenges their emotions. Eyes on the prize, everybody. Alex, story number three.

[Alex]

Story number three. I share a tattoo with an ex.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You or Lewis?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Pieces of.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jordan has tattoos.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's it.

[Yamanika Saunders]

We all have tattoos.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's Lewis because he can't read or write. That's it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I have a lot of tattoos. I don't share any tattoos with exes, J. Do you?

[Big J Okerson]

I have the wrong initials in Chinese characters on my arm for an ex girlfriend. Yeah, but she doesn't have the same thing. I just did it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I have my son's mother's birth flower on my arm.

[Big J Okerson]

Weird.

[Yamanika Saunders]

What? You got your son's mother's birth flower.

[Big J Okerson]

What the fuck is a birth flower? First of all, I've never heard of that.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Shut the fuck up, James.

[Big J Okerson]

Never heard of a birth flower?

[Yamanika Saunders]

Well, there's two things you need to learn tonight. Improvisational dance and birth flower.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Birth flower is the thing.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Why would you do that?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I got my birth flower, my son's birth flower and his mother's birth flower. And we're a little garden of our family.

[Yamanika Saunders]

For what?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I didn't know we were going to.

[Big J Okerson]

Break up the pride parade. He was the foreman this year.

[Yamanika Saunders]

The way y'all be calling niggas gay. That's the gayest shit I ever heard in my life.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay stuck a gun into my asshole. Whoa. That's barely the gayest thing I've done this month.

[Big J Okerson]

But then when I let it go, his bounce back. No, it held it.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Oh, it did.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Oh, you got tension in your ass like that.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wait, Brendan has tattoos too.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I would never do that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, or would I?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Isn't that the point of the game, fellas?

[Big J Okerson]

Brendan would do that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I had an ex girlfriend who wanted to get the same tattoo. We didn't.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, I was gonna say she went.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Viral on the Internet.

[Big J Okerson]

That's who I'm thinking of. And that's what I did.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I did.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm thinking that's what I'm like. That's what I'm thinking.

[Brendan Sagalo]

That's what I'm thinking, though, too. No, but I don't think you would do.

[Big J Okerson]

I think he would do it. I don't think he did it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I. I would do it if I would really love the girl and was with her for like, years and years and years. But now that I know that I break up with girls after six months. No way.

[Big J Okerson]

Just move them in.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Jordan's not saying a lot, so it's got to be her. Plus, she's got all these dumb tattoos as well.

[Jordan Jensen]

And you have a freaking. Show them the dog. Show them the dog.

[Big J Okerson]

The dog.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You know what I'm saying? I don't think we can look inside me, the dog.

[Big J Okerson]

The dogs.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Have you seen this? Have you seen.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I got it at Skank Fest.

[Big J Okerson]

We got it next to each other.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's really up.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Got this on acid.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, my. That's a bad tattoo.

[Jordan Jensen]

There has never been a worse tattoo in that.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, but it's not a chick's name. Like, you probably have your ex's name on you somewhere.

[Big J Okerson]

In fairness, that was a bad artist who also did bad job on me.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Me and Jay share a tattoo. Technically, several.

[Big J Okerson]

I think me and Lewis. Me and Lewis have tattoos that if you put them together, it says something.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's a half heart and a half heart. It says Dave and mine says Smith. Swear to God.

[Big J Okerson]

So Dave Smith.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Our Dave Smith tattoo.

[Big J Okerson]

Third legion of Skanks. And then we have our who's a better friend? Tallies from. And then we both have middle finger skank tattoos.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I got mine first Jay copied me.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You N words is gay, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Y'all?

[Yamanika Saunders]

That's real gay. Nigga did. Y'all grew up in foster care together. That shit was wild.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yaminika, do you have any tattoos?

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah, I've got. No. You've seen me getting dumb ones at Skate Fest. Like what? Just getting a tattoo and shit.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Love it. We all got tattoos here.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I wouldn't. I don't know who it could be.

[Jordan Jensen]

I think that if Lewis had it, Jay would know.

[Big J Okerson]

I think he might listen. Lewis could just be lying. So the person I think this could be, he might have it with.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, that girl. So you know that girl. I got her a tattoo for her birthday and it was lyrics to a song, and it was. I. It was the wrong person. I got. I got her. I got her lyrics, and it's supposed to be Janis Joplin, and it ended up being somebody else.

[Jordan Jensen]

She couldn't take the lyrics because she.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Was nine years old.

[Big J Okerson]

That's crazy. Do you know it's not. Take another piece of my fart. I didn't even know that.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's insane. That she was like, yeah, whatever.

[Yamanika Saunders]

My daddy says I'm good.

[Jordan Jensen]

Sorry for the pedophile jokes. I thought they were, like.

[Big J Okerson]

Fantastic impression, though.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wait, Brendan, you just got out of a relationship and that chick had a bunch of tattoos?

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, I forgot about that one.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're in a long term relationship.

[Jordan Jensen]

I forgot about that one.

[Big J Okerson]

Done didn't know that.

[Brendan Sagalo]

What?

[Yamanika Saunders]

No.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Definitely. Brendan, no.

[Big J Okerson]

You wasted. Freshly out of a vote.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You wasted a vote, my friend.

[Big J Okerson]

Freshly out of a relationship. Relationship.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, I would never do that. I would never.

[Big J Okerson]

You got a dog on you from a guy you didn't know?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

When you're not going with my gut.

[Big J Okerson]

At a festival during quarantine.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Look, but I would never do that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Brendan Sagal wasted.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Vote wasted. Vote wasted.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You don't have any with Christine or any of your exes, maybe.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll say that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'll say I would know if Jay had a shared tattoo that he would have told this story.

[Yamanika Saunders]

But you. You benefit from us not thinking it's him, right?

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We're not on the same team. No.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Damn.

[Yamanika Saunders]

What are the rules again?

[Big J Okerson]

We should start from the beginning. Everybody. Story war is a very simple game. Everyone submitted three to five stories on one given subject.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Oh, we were. Oh, you guys were doing business talk. That's why we tuned out. We thought you were running business for them. Yeah, we didn't know we had to participate in the business.

[Big J Okerson]

We tried to explain it to you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

At the same place.

[Yamanika Saunders]

No, no, no. Let me tell you what. A thousand times I told you what's happening on the show.

[Big J Okerson]

What would you like to drink?

[Jordan Jensen]

I would like a Diet Coke.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You know what?

[Jordan Jensen]

Boy. Paige.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Boy. Thank you.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Paid slave. Can I also get one of these?

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, slave, come on.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Honestly, I do Big J, and I know I keep coming for you, but it's fine.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I feel like it is, too, because, I don't know. I feel like you and Christine definitely would have done some shit like this.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine has the skanks tattoo with the bow on it.

[Jordan Jensen]

You guys broke up?

[Big J Okerson]

Up who?

[Yamanika Saunders]

No, I'm s. Oh. Oh. X. Okay. Oh, it is an X. I barely know the rules. Okay. I can't. There's a lot of multitasking.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Xx.

[Big J Okerson]

I have a tattoo for an X, but that's it. I think share. Share, to me implies you have something together.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Like, I assume that they have the same tattoo.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You know what, Who?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Brendan and his ex or like, me.

[Big J Okerson]

And you with the.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It both says wasted vote. Idiot. I'm guessing Big J.

[Big J Okerson]

All right.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Okerson.

[Big J Okerson]

Good.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Thank you. Just in case there was another Big J in the room.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, no.

[Jordan Jensen]

Brendan, if you did.

[Yamanika Saunders]

If you did.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, I didn't.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I love that response.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, I didn't.

[Big J Okerson]

Ooh, Brendan's getting a lot of votes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I'm Brendan.

[Brendan Sagalo]

But if people vote for me and it's not me, do I get points?

[Big J Okerson]

No. That suck.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That makes me think it's not Brendan now. Fuck.

[Brendan Sagalo]

That should be the way it is.

[Big J Okerson]

Shit.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Master manipulator. Who knows?

[Big J Okerson]

All right. All the answers. This is going to fuck the game up hard right here. What? Oh, was it Yamaneke? No fucking way. With that butt. God damn, Alex.

[Alex]

Wow. This story belonged to Louis J. Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

God damn right it did. You're goddamn right it did.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Damn.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Is it this? Is it that X?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, no, it's my ex. It's the girl that I wrote the poem about, Alex. And we both got. We. Oh, this one that's on my wrist.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, the little flame. The little flame.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She also got it on her butt. And it looks like. But you look like it's a flame, but then you look like this. It looks like a lobster ball.

[Jordan Jensen]

I wrote. Lewis. I wrote you down, which means you're very good at. Listen, listen.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Listen to me, fellow.

[Jordan Jensen]

Sorry for thinking you did that also.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Can I get another double Bailey's on the rock, my love. Thank you, baby.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

It's winter time and I'm 46. I need a double Baileys on the racks. Yeah, So I you spectacular. Because you know what?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You spectacular.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yes, I did. You.

[Big J Okerson]

Owed you one. Chill.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah, I owed you one. Yeah. Because.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Monica, you're nicktastic. Yeah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Thank you. Do you not understand what spectacular means?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I know.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Okay. Got it. So here's the thing about you. When you told that gay ass story about the blooming birds and shit on you, I said no, he's too vulnerable and open with his shit. I said, he. It's not him. Because why would he say that? And then the shit be the shit.

[Jordan Jensen]

No, he's really good at that and he's really.

[Yamanika Saunders]

My hat's off to you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

Because a Hispanic is conniving.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Why is it always race with you guys?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know. Why can this guy lie?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're hanging out with two of the three legion of skank.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I hope you are you. They really think you racist because remember how we was back in the day? You know, we tight, we love. You know what I'm saying?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, of course.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Oh, okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We love each other. Yeah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah. Of course. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes. So that.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But that girl ended up getting the tattoo. She didn't get it covered up.

[Jordan Jensen]

Did you guys have sex a lot?

[Big J Okerson]

Bet's comic view. Thrice. Atlanta, Miami and la.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My ex, she. She didn't get it covered up. What she did was it's on her ass. But then she got a martini glass around it. So like the flame is in the martini glass. So she changed it.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's awful.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's.

[Jordan Jensen]

Can we see? What the tattoo that. You got a tattoo with somebody who would do that.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Oh, okay. That's pretty though.

[Jordan Jensen]

A martini.

[Big J Okerson]

We also have that flame in it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's too bad.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I think it's pretty. Yeah, it's not good.

[Big J Okerson]

It's very pretty. Wow. That shake things up too because Lewis was eating.

[Jordan Jensen]

Good job.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's anybody's game, folks. Alex, where's our score at?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm so bad at this.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I wish you would to be like anybody's game.

[Alex]

In last place with one point. In last place with one point, I have Jordan Jensen.

[Yamanika Saunders]

What?

[Alex]

Tied with two points each, Big J Okerson and Brendan Sagalo.

[Big J Okerson]

Balls.

[Alex]

In second place with four points, Lewis J. Gomez.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Wow.

[Alex]

And in first place with six points, Yamana.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Wow. Competition kitchen time.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm coming for you, girl.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I see, I see. I got to be careful.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Why are you speaking like an old timey white guy now? I got a big coming right up my mind.

[Big J Okerson]

Seems like we're going to have a good time here today.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Coming up first base. Old Mickey McGee playing a game.

[Big J Okerson]

Playing a game of some of my good friends.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Shut the up.

[Big J Okerson]

All right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I got to watch my back here.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Ah, Valentine's Day massacre. Might have been one too many.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, guys, let's take a quick minute and thank one of our incredible sponsors, yom.com. come on, guys. We love your Kratom. Everyone in here, everyone is addicted to Kratom. You get addicted to. If you're over 21 years old and you already in the market for Kratom, well, guess what? We're going to send you to yocr.com with the best kratom on the market for just $60 a kilo.

[Big J Okerson]

$60 for one kilo? When is the last time inside this country you've bought a kilo of anything besides cocaine? And it's very, very exciting.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You know how much a kilo weighs?

[Big J Okerson]

No, but I'm gonna carry mine in a metal briefcase that people are gonna ask me about a lot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's nearly two pounds of Kratom.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that's a lot of Kratom.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

A lot of Kratom.

[Big J Okerson]

That's probably enough for you and your whole family, but I'd say keep it for yourself, dude. Get nice a little longer. If you're thinking of getting off heroin or trying to wean your way into it, this may be the job for you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They're the marketing sponsors for Skankfest, the market sponsors for everything here at the Gas Digital Network. And they love comedy. They love comedy fans. So if you're in the market for Kratom, get it from your creative dot com. All right, where were we?

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, Story number four.

[Alex]

Story number four. I once tried to fall asleep with a significant other while connected at the genitals.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Like, to fall asleep inside of her.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Oh, we're gonna have to call the cops after this one.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, I've. I've tried to do that. I've. I've.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Like, what?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Just given up on sex and be like, let's just sleep like this. But then my dick is. My dick is too small, and it'll just retract.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Oh, I thought it said cousin. Where I get cousin from? I thought it said cousin. That's how crazy I think you are. I thought the shit said cousin. I was like, who the is trying to Human centipede? They cousin.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, okay.

[Jordan Jensen]

I've done this a lot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Is it called cuddling you is wild? Yeah, I was trying to fall asleep with a significant other while connected at the genitals.

[Jordan Jensen]

And you do How Yeah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

What? Clip the tip?

[Jordan Jensen]

No, the. The dick is in there. And then you have sex and then you both are exhausted and then you pass out and you wake up and there's like a loose floppy.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, God.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What? What?

[Jordan Jensen]

What?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Me, Jay and Brendan all have sad little dicks. It really doesn't work.

[Jordan Jensen]

You have a sad little dick.

[Brendan Sagalo]

My dick is perfectly.

[Jordan Jensen]

I know.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Let me tell you something. Let's go back to the aluminum foil versus tinfoil scenario.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I like the way you say foil.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, me too.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You say foal.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah. Well, I'm from Baltimore, so. Here's the thing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She's from Baltimore.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Here's the thing. Right. You and I would never describe. What's this like that. We would not say that. So you and I are out.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, well, let me tell you. But I should tell you, Alex will change to make sure it's like not giving away stuff. That could be obvious.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. So.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Oh, okay. I didn't. Did y'all say that too in the beginning?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Okay. That's what I'm saying. They just bringing shit up on you. They trying to stack it in their favor. I need two points for the shenanigans they trying to pull over here.

[Alex]

Yeah. If it had said like I fell asleep inside of my girlfriend or let my boyfriend fall asleep inside of me, I would have changed it to connect.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I'm just saying. Like I would just say. Right. Somebody fell asleep with they dick in their ass.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's not what this is.

[Brendan Sagalo]

That sounds like a euphemism for calling someone stupid or something.

[Yamanika Saunders]

It's quick.

[Brendan Sagalo]

This fell asleep with a dick. He's a Donald Trump.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Got rid of the department of education. All you needed immediately. Now let me explain something.

[Jordan Jensen]

Vagina.

[Yamanika Saunders]

But it's dick or vagina. Vagina. A dick. With you it would be dick. Cuz it would be dicking out. But sometimes you ain't you versatile, so. Okay. Right. Maybe that's what I'm saying. Jordan is also a white.

[Big J Okerson]

I guess you could fall asleep sitting like head on one end of the bed and just mush your together.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's true.

[Yamanika Saunders]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But Jordan's not bisexual, is she? No.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, she just looks gay. That's not. It's like, nah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

She in these streets. First of all.

[Jordan Jensen]

All these young kids in like, well read.

[Yamanika Saunders]

No, no, no. Let me explain something to you.

[Big J Okerson]

Damn. Could you be my back in our.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Day when wanted to wear fingernail polish and. And tutus. Oh, you was gay these down the. That could be straight as hell with the biggest dick to put Up a bitch's puss is the. That looked like a fairy walking around with the wings. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't know what the you're talking about.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm gonna say.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I'm saying gay ain't what gay was when we was talking about Dominica. Wait, but what is that going and going.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, she's not, she's not stopped speaking for a full three minutes.

[Yamanika Saunders]

See, he's saying you're. You just look gay. No, I said this is in the streets. She's versatile.

[Jordan Jensen]

No, I don't. Women.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know what any that has to do with anything.

[Brendan Sagalo]

All connected out.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Wait a minute.

[Big J Okerson]

You were the one that was loudest about being confused. They changed the words. Ya.

[Yamanika Saunders]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

Connecting the genitals.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I would never say connecting the genitals.

[Big J Okerson]

You're just going to vote for nobody. There, I've overdone it.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Oh, did I take my hand off too soon?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

There's nothing written.

[Big J Okerson]

Did I fuck up? No, there's no.

[Yamanika Saunders]

What?

[Jordan Jensen]

Before we got up here you were like I'm high. And I was like that's good. That'll be really good. That'll be really good.

[Big J Okerson]

Louis, I don't know if you could tell. Can you see that girl's boobs completely through her shirt or am I crazy?

[Yamanika Saunders]

No, no, no, no, no. And you look, look beautiful, my love.

[Big J Okerson]

Beautiful for sure.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Ask me.

[Big J Okerson]

Shut up.

[Yamanika Saunders]

She's got.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's.

[Big J Okerson]

It's.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah, it's illusion. It's for dumb like you.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, those illusions, those illusions are pierced. Lewis, kiss our tattoos again.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm pretty sure I can see that.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Girl'S nipples on the earth, y'all. And the. And the girl right there, y'all is.

[Big J Okerson]

He loves that we're seeing it or else he would have yelled at her at home.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, if he didn't like it, he.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Would have beat the out see it for long. We all in our 40s. These about to get cataracts. Okay.

[Jordan Jensen]

Her tits also.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You look gorgeous by the way. I just want you to know.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, good job, Sago. Act like you keep reading the thing while you're looking for a titties too.

[Brendan Sagalo]

He's like, I don't know, I'm trying to.

[Big J Okerson]

He goes, what is this story even about? I promise you he hasn't said 50 times tonight, hun, your tits are out. He knows.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hell yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm gonna say Jordan as well.

[Big J Okerson]

What can I tell you what hurts the most though? That I had to say something because I think three or four times I looked over at them and she did this. And I was like, no, I'm gonna make it a thing now. I was gonna be the guy who only notices it keeps going. Louis, your thoughts?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yes.

[Yamanika Saunders]

The head of human resources over here.

[Big J Okerson]

All right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I. I think that this sounds like a big J story. And it says tried to. And Jay Small Dick couldn't stay in the entire time. That's why it says tried.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm voting Big J you for those reasons.

[Brendan Sagalo]

That's good.

[Jordan Jensen]

I think he would say. I think I can imagine him going connected. Because there's a quote mark.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I feel like Jordan would be the type of person that would, like, want to just snort. Want to, like, connect.

[Jordan Jensen]

Triggered the shit out of me. I feel like the kind of person who's.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I feel like Jordan Oink.

[Big J Okerson]

Fucking pig.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Just wanted to say that. No, because you don't really like. Jordan's fat because you're a big fat pig.

[Jordan Jensen]

I don't like sex. Yeah, that's true.

[Brendan Sagalo]

So I feel like, in a way to heal yourself, you would be like, just soak. Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

I've done this before, and it's immediate yeast infection. The next day is Yeast City Brewing. Brewer's yeast bread sourdough. You want me to keep going?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, please.

[Jordan Jensen]

A nice.

[Big J Okerson]

Was that a cock or a breadstick in your pussy? Am I right?

[Jordan Jensen]

After that night. Olive Garden.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Olive Garden.

[Big J Okerson]

Bottomless breadsticks.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, it is Big J because of this.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Could be me.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's how he talks. If she didn't change it too much, who knows?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yamaniku just went from talking for five minutes straight to now she's, like, tired of talking. She's winded.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I'm a winded Tyler. I don't know. I had to go into intercessory prayer on this one. Brendan, you said soaking, which made me think you only. Okay, so what are you, Amish?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Soon as I. Now. This is post come.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Or is it Mormon? Sorry. Okay. You see how these young kids are. They on some new shit immediately. They got me up together. That Coca Cola looks good. Can you bring me a Pepsi and an ice and a thing? Get. But white slave not. Not get her Pepsi. Coca Cola. Because they roll back dei get me a Pepsi.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, there's only. There's only Diet Coke. They hate diversity here.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Oh, Jay, you're so cute. Then. I don't know, because it's like, I want to get my points. I'm really concerned about my points now.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You see, and, well, I'll let you know one thing.

[Yamanika Saunders]

What? No, it's not you.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know, maybe now I'm worried it's not Yam and I locked in.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't think it's Yamanika.

[Yamanika Saunders]

No, it's definitely not me. But I want to.

[Big J Okerson]

You said that before and you lied.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. This time it really isn't.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And I would say it's definitely not her because she's the last vote, so she doesn't need to do all this act. But I still don't think she knows how to play the game.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm going to try something.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I don't.

[Big J Okerson]

But.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no, no. I'm trying to figure out. Because it could be you throwing us off. It could be Jay. Cause that sound like some shit some bitch told him, you know, you fell asleep with your dick and my pink. My pussy. And then it could be Jordan. Cause she said. But then she said she had all this yeast coming out of her damn pussy. I was like, yeah, wow.

[Big J Okerson]

You know, she does it a lot.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah, Yeah. I got some vaginal suppositories at my crib.

[Jordan Jensen]

You're just saying if you soak, you get a yeast infection.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Right? But also, that's because is throwing your ph balance off with his dusty dick.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's one of the reasons is why I think me and my son's mother didn't work out.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You was out here giving out that ph, right? You was throwing it off.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Dirty, dirty.

[Yamanika Saunders]

So dip your dick. How hard is it for you to dip your dick?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, I used to feel like my dick was dirty, but it wasn't dirty. It was just RPH was.

[Jordan Jensen]

No, you just have to wash with Dr. Bronner's. If you use regular soap, it has too much of the antibacterials, which this.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Never even bit the wash. Yeah, I'm think it's time for. For you to vote.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

I really think that's right. Cause I wish I could take it back.

[Big J Okerson]

And I'm not getting points on this.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm gonna try something here.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I'm gonna say Brendan, because fuck you.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Why?

[Yamanika Saunders]

I don't know. It could just be your goofy ass. What did this mean, baby?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Also take her plate.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Y'all wanted me to do that shit. Do some act outs, nigga. You're not being a nigger enough of us. Lewis promised us she'd be walking around and acting like a chimpanzee the whole show. What's wrong with this? She know how to read and write and she speaks well.

[Big J Okerson]

Louis, she saw your flyer.

[Yamanika Saunders]

If Jay Wasn't here. Lewis and I would have murdered each.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Other years ago sexually. Alex, all the stories are in or all the votes are in rather.

[Alex]

That story belonged to Big J. I knew it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I knew it.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Damn. You gotta talk.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, it's impossible. You can't do it. It was a decision we made while I was hard laying chest to back. And yeah. And it was like, go in me and we'll fall asleep. Kind of like spooning. But as soon as I was this. With my like your mom high school. My right. Yeah, my right. My right after high school girlfriend.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

And. And yeah, she was like, we're back to chess. And it went. And I mean after. I mean three minutes, I just had to lose a little bit of hard pulls out for it to just be. It's not even falls out. It's like her goes. It's like. No, it was like. Like it was like.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Did you ever.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you ever like, you know, you're not looking. You're going for some jelly bellies and you're like black licorice. Our pussy eventually just went like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

There was like paper on her lip.

[Big J Okerson]

It was like. It felt like my dick was being like put through like. Like a roller or something.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And it just like it just like squeezed it out.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And then, and then none of it. We. Neither of us acknowledged it. We didn't know if we should be. She should be made up for her big pussy or my small. I don't know. It was. It wasn't one of my best nights.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I want to say thank you to whoever is bringing me the drinks. I say I want something the next time I turn. It's there.

[Big J Okerson]

Yep.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I don't know if they got some type of little. Who's doing that fast? I didn't even see the shit. Did you see it?

[Jordan Jensen]

Thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

I happen to be too.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Thank you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

How nice does it feel to have a servant.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Who is it? Come up here. Who is it? Can I give him a round of applause?

[Big J Okerson]

Show yourself, white slave.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Who is it that brought their spirit up here to. Who is it? Come here. Come forward.

[Big J Okerson]

Show yourself.

[Brendan Sagalo]

From the January 6th.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, baby, come the guitars from corn.

[Yamanika Saunders]

And everybody come here. What a blessing. No crawl to her. I don't give a crawl to her.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. We don't pay them. Stop.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I can't.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They do not know. We do not pay them.

[Jordan Jensen]

He's. He literally said he couldn't.

[Yamanika Saunders]

They're going to expect some later then, right? A few slabs of this brisket.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I hope you don't mind getting Your dick sucked with aluminum foil over her teeth.

[Yamanika Saunders]

How dare you make a call back on my pain.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, where are our points at?

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah, Louis, you All right?

[Alex]

Everybody on the scoreboard. In last place with two points, Brendan Saga. Next up with three points, Jordan Jensen. With four points, Big J Okerson.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Wow.

[Alex]

And tied for first place with six points each, Lewis and Yamanika.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Tied. Tied.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, I'm coming for you.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Oh, my God. Lord, help. Is this the last one?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, no. We're at the halftime part, everyone.

[Big J Okerson]

We've reached halftime of story wars. We go around, everybody throws their plugs. Everybody, everybody, everybody. Brendan Sagalo. What do you want to plug with me?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Sag daddy to Pod and that's. And follow me on Instagram and all that. Brendan Sagalo. Thank you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hell yeah. Jordan.

[Jordan Jensen]

Punch up up live dot. Punch up live.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Brendan Sagalo.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, I'm. I'm doing. I'm recording my special at the Gramercy May 17. Few tickets left to go get them.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I currently have my latest special out on YouTube. It's called White. It's completely uncensored because I paid for the myself. You can call white people. There's a thing you can say if you watch it, you'll know I give you another title. So you have to watch it to figure out what it is, but I would appreciate everybody going to watch.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's Black N word.

[Yamanika Saunders]

And you can. Yes, you can follow me on everything on Instagram, at Yamaneka, on YouTube. I do daily videos and contents of that nature. Yes, thank you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Why'd you turn into, like, jazz voice when you're doing your vlogs? So you can.

[Big J Okerson]

It's the Quiet Storm with Yamini taking your love request bigj comedy.com for all my dates, everybody. I'm all over the place. Look for a city near you on the Big J Okerson's Peter North American tour. Coming on a city near you. If you get it, you get it. I'm all over the place going through the summer, so look out. I'll be opening for Shane Gillis and a couple of arenas over the next few months, so. So if you go into some of those, I'll be at them. And my new double crowd work special. Them they coming out on YouTube. First part, them coming out February 20th, and then a month later, the second part's gonna come out. So look for that Big J Okerson them they on YouTube. Double crowd work special.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Very cool.

[Big J Okerson]

And then, yeah, listen to the bonfire. Five days a week, faction talk, SiriusXM103 with me and the great Robert Kelly and the Legion of Skanks right here. The flagship show of Gas digital dot com.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Come see me live on the road. The Bring five Friends tour, folks. Especially in Winnipeg this weekend. Bring five friends, please. Winnipeg this weekend? Well, that'll be when this comes out. That'll be last weekend. I'll be in Wise Guy, Salt Lake City in a couple weeks. South Bend, Indiana rally, North Carolina, Philadelphia, my birthday weekend. We're doing a live Story wars in Los Angeles, California on February 19th. We got Bobby Lee, we got Adam Ray, and maybe Whitney. She's not being really forthcoming with our answer.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh yeah, we're doing a standup show before.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we're doing a stand up show. Big J is going to be headlining at the Comedy Store as well. And then we're also doing Story wars live for the Nashville Comedy Festival in mid April as well. So if you guys are in Nashville, come and check us out live on the road. And yeah, check out all the other pods. The Lewis and Zach show, the Regs, the legendary Legion of Skanks. I got my solo podcast if you sign up for my email list on my website. And last but not least, if you love this show, you can get it. You get it uncensored ad free with pre [e-mail] if you guys hate all this, the. The censorship on YouTube and if you guys hate listening to ads, go subscribe to Gas Digital. Use the promo code war. And plus, we have a few episodes that aren't even available on YouTube anymore. So go subscribe to Gas Digital. It's the number one way you can support this show. All right.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. All right, everybody. The scores are what they are. Brandon, you probably feel like, what am I playing these next four?

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, no, no. I am competitive, but I'm also like, what am I gonna win? A fucking book? Who gives a shit?

[Big J Okerson]

Who gives a shit? Are you talking about Undercover by J. Love? Where themes of trust, loyalty and identity play a significant role throughout the novel, creating a mix of suspense, passion and personal growth. Yeah, yeah, but it doesn't matter, Brendan. Cause you're not out of the game game. Because for the final four stories of the game, every time we go double points.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So could you put your two arms in the air real quick?

[Big J Okerson]

If you could just start a wave. So that's. Explain it again because I know sometimes our panel doesn't listen to everything I'm saying. Whereas before, if you fooled people, you got one point. And if you guessed the right story, you got two points. Now double points.

[Jordan Jensen]

Double points are good.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, thank you to the boys in the roots over there. Black Thought Quest Love. We can't put them on camera. We wouldn't pay him enough to put them on camera. But they won't play. But they play Roots. Double points. We'll be right back after this break. Oh, I think we're overreacting, aren't we?

[Yamanika Saunders]

Is that real?

[Jordan Jensen]

Double real. It sounded. Oh, I don't know.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I'm gonna look at that.

[Jordan Jensen]

What's.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Wait a minute. What's happening?

[Big J Okerson]

Well, we were. The glass breaking was real. The glass break? That was an accident. That happened.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Oh, okay.

[Big J Okerson]

But it happened to happen in a chaotic time. We mentioned double points.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Are y'all gonna do this every time you say double points?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, they're gonna, but only if you're a story worry. You can't trigger it. We can.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Well, don't. What is this? It's like we're in who Framed Roger Rabbit. It's too much cartoon shit happening right now. Yamaneka, was the glass real?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, that was real.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Oh, okay. Cause you niggas been acting like cartoons since Yamaneka, so I didn't know what was happening.

[Big J Okerson]

Yamaneka. That glass breaking was no more or less real than double point.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, wait a minute.

[Big J Okerson]

But Yamini let tell you something too.

[Yamanika Saunders]

The Arsenal hall show. Now what you know about Woo Woo Woo Woo.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We took it.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You want you young white, right here. You don't know this. You was not even born.

[Big J Okerson]

No, we call it the Dog Pound. It's the Dog Pound we call them. It's very the Dog Pound. Yeah, it's original.

[Yamanika Saunders]

The way you white steal is amazing.

[Big J Okerson]

What are you talking about? Are you talking about when black people stole Elvis's music?

[Yamanika Saunders]

Right? Let's start the boo on that. Where the black this are. They need black people to support right there. Okay, thank you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He's right in front of you. Yamanika.

[Yamanika Saunders]

It's. Oh.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I've been connected with you. That's why I was like. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You were like Jay's penis. And that was like his ex girlfriend's pussy.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Separate us. You understand? You know what the is about.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey everybody, real quick, let's talk about one of our awesome sponsors over here at Story wars. And that is lucy. Everyone love free 100 pure nicotine. You know nicotine pouches are all the rage, right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

People love them, dude. And by the way, if you're not a nicotine pouch guy or gal, they also have Lucy gum that is available in 2 milligram, 4 milligram, and 6.

[Big J Okerson]

Milligram as well, but it doesn't look as cool.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Pouch. You put them right in front of your gums. You don't have to spit.

[Big J Okerson]

I know. You look a cowboy. Or if you put it in your upper lip like Freddie Mercury.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They have so many different flavors. They have apple ice, wintergreen, mango and my personal favorite, espresso. So if you want to just combine your nicotine addiction with your caffeine addiction, bang right there.

[Big J Okerson]

Hell yeah. Do you want to fucking outrun your child at the park? Throw three of these babies in.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All you got to do right now is go to Lucy Co wars with a Z. That's Lucy Co wars with a Z And use the promo code wars with a Z. You're going to get 20% off your first order. Plus Lucy gives you free shipping and has a 30 day refund policy. If you change your mind. What is it? You got nothing to lose.

[Big J Okerson]

Take the shit back. I don't want it. You could say with a picture of your own middle finger. Also, Lucy products are only for adults of legal age. And every order is age verified. Warning, this product does contain nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, where were we? Story number five.

[Alex]

Okay, story number five. My first romantic partner threw me a surprise party where I found out they were cheating on me with one of my best friends.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Damn, what a surprise.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My first romantic partner. I mean guys cheat on gals. That's just the truth.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Listen, I'm definitely out of this. This is definitely some white people people. What black people would net do you.

[Big J Okerson]

Know chicks do this to each other.

[Yamanika Saunders]

No, I wouldn't knew far more than dude because somebody would kill you over some like that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Just a surprise party.

[Yamanika Saunders]

No, right? If you catch the wrong person surprise not. I'm not saying you should get killed if that happened, you know what I'm saying? But I'm saying you could around and find out with the wrong mentally unstable doing some shit like that. Black people, we always thinking like that. You know what I mean? Because we thinking about like the pros and cons and then white people just skipping into nonsense like yeah, let's have a party and I'll let him meet the new guy.

[Big J Okerson]

And that's what Jordan Jensen's best friend did when she the romantic partner.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is Jordan. This sounds like a sad Jordan fucking origin story.

[Big J Okerson]

Then you got ham.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's why she acts like she acts now.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's why I let people fall asleep with their penises. Yeah, right.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Ain't this the plaque to gossip Girl.

[Big J Okerson]

It might be. It might.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, shit. Sorry.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Damn.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I keep voting Jordan, but I actually do think this is Jordan.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I keep voting.

[Big J Okerson]

I know.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jordan's all. Jordan's very quiet right now. She's thinking about it. She's back in that headspace.

[Big J Okerson]

She's like, how can I throw this away from me?

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's such a.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Why do they keep picking my stories?

[Big J Okerson]

It's just girls doing this to each other.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Oh, right. I don't know which one's mine.

[Brendan Sagalo]

There you go. You have one in your hand. It's in your hand.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Okay. No, this is hers. You did one.

[Jordan Jensen]

You have one in your hand.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Really? You think I'm out here? That's my. Oh, she trying to steal.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Sh.

[Jordan Jensen]

You know black people. Watch your romantic partner, the girl.

[Big J Okerson]

I. No, no. She wasn't the. It was a neighbor. A girl who was molested by her uncle up until 26.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Why does that. To be a part of the flashback.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, if you want to know why she. Me?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You're very attractive.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Me?

[Yamanika Saunders]

I told you. Get your esteem out the toilet. You. You're better than this.

[Big J Okerson]

Stop it.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You know, you look good.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Jay's first chick that he was an older chick and it wasn't like a girlfriend type. He lost virginity to some 23 year old or whatever.

[Big J Okerson]

22. She was cute, but molested. Which is what threw her into my arms.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I. It's best if I just stay quiet for.

[Jordan Jensen]

Who was your first romantic partner?

[Yamanika Saunders]

Oh, you know, I didn't lose my.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Can I guess?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, you can't. You have to guess one. Brendan.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah. Hey, Brendan.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's just if you. It sounds just like one of these two.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Right? Right. Right. Right.

[Alex]

Brendan already entered Jordan, so he has to stick with it.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Right? Okay. And.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And I. I got you. Huh?

[Brendan Sagalo]

How about this?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Nobody.

[Jordan Jensen]

Alex, who was your first romantic?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My first romantic?

[Yamanika Saunders]

Finish mine.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And y. You have not stopped speaking.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I was saying something and then Brendan again thought it was time for him when it was time for me. I don't know. Is this what's happening? I'm so glad that black church brought the title of Proud Boy today. Right? Didn't it? Right.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Did they?

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah, they did. A black church bought Proud Boy. So when you and your cousins try to say what you all about, you gonna have a hard fucking time.

[Brendan Sagalo]

They were trying to buy the hot boys. That's a reference that would kill in a black room. What? I just said.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I was as stone faced as a motherfucker.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Is it called stone face now?

[Big J Okerson]

What a pretty little side.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She's saying yam.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Oh, girl, if you thought this was all about trying to get you away from that, that's crazy. I would never do that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I think Jordan started asking questions around everybody. I think it is Jordan. I think she's getting a little bit nervous.

[Brendan Sagalo]

She hasn't said anything.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She hasn't said a word.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Look at her face.

[Yamanika Saunders]

And she like, let me just throw it on the other.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Almost Jordan.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Is it? Did everyone say Jordan?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, except Jordan.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Right, right, right, right, right.

[Big J Okerson]

Thus Alex minute.

[Alex]

That was Brendan Sagla.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I forgot that Brendan is like a woman.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You fell for it, fools.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Damn it. I forgot that Brendan has such boring qualities.

[Big J Okerson]

Why are your stories so girly?

[Yamanika Saunders]

That's not even girly. That's a nigga with low self esteem. Like you just wanted to some party and the bitch, she didn't even respect you enough not to have the next nigga.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I mean, we were 14 years old or children.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, well, you need what a big your girlfriend was.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah, but put that in the story. And what makes you think she wanted to be committed to you at 14 years old? You is. Wow.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, I just thought you would have cried about it on stage a lot.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Well, I actually used to talk about it on stage. And boy, did I say the surprise joke that I said when I said it. When that came up, I went, oh, what a surprise. I say that on stage.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Br. Tell us the story. What happened here?

[Jordan Jensen]

Why'd you have to tell the story than that?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I don't know. I don't know why I gotta talk my. I had a girlfriend in 10th grade. She was my first kiss and ladies. And she threw me a surprise party and I didn't. I found out she was cheating on me. They didn't do it at the surprise party because they were nice about it. But I, I. A couple of my buddies were talking about it in a treehouse and I, I crawled up.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Was this Dennis the Menace?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Can I say something? I said it's almost worse that they. It seems like they did the cheating, but both were like, we can't break that little angel. Like, yeah, you were felt bad for. Which is worse than being over. They're like, hey, I have to a real guy. But like, don't break this little dope's heart.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, that's exactly what happened.

[Big J Okerson]

I've been there and it sucks.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Brendan's like, I caught a frog by the creek. Come on, guys.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Dude, that's exactly, exactly it. I had no idea everybody was talking.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He had a slingshot in his back. Pocket. He was just right.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, well, the.

[Big J Okerson]

My wiener hairs are long.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I climbed up the. I climbed up the treehouse. I stuck my head in like. Like Adam Scott and stepbrothers. Like I stuck in. Hey, guys. And they're all sitting, standing there and they go, we gotta tell you something. As I'm sticking my head into the treehouse, we're currently talking.

[Big J Okerson]

Your girlfriend.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

And then I went, I went, I need a bit of time.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God. I descend. And also, you have Pay real attention to the ladder steps below you. I'm devastated. No, no, this young lady.

[Yamanika Saunders]

When the young lady tells the story, she says, I was dating his special needs boy and he.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Are you mad cuz I said that black club thing line?

[Yamanika Saunders]

No, you know, I don't.

[Big J Okerson]

Can't break his heart on stuff.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Did you. Did you. Did you confront the girl?

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, I had no confidence, so I was just like, confront the guy. Oh, I did confront the guy. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I hope you guys are very happy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You know, whatever. I. I hope you like the way that my lips taste as I kissed her.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, exactly. He's like, oh, well, then you know how my dick tastes.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Well, technically, you.

[Alex]

You guys can hook up.

[Big J Okerson]

By the way, your kiss probably not as salty as.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Well, technically, I did steal her from him, so you win.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're right.

[Brendan Sagalo]

So I'm pretty cool, actually. A lot of you think I'm not cool.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm cool. I'll tell you what's pretty cool, dude. The shift in points there.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That was huge.

[Big J Okerson]

Humongous. Alex, what are we looking at?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That was huge.

[Big J Okerson]

Brendan.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yep.

[Alex]

All right. On the scoreboard, with three points, Jordan Jensen.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah.

[Alex]

With four points, big J. Okerson, Yamanika and Lewis with six points each. And in the lead with 10 points, Brendan.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, if I could go back in time and tell that little fat girl that one day he's gonna win a book on a podcast.

[Big J Okerson]

Can I ask you something?

[Jordan Jensen]

Are you drinking? I'm talking.

[Big J Okerson]

Brandon, can I ask you something?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You were pretty cast off about this in the book a few minutes ago, but I want you to know I assured you something was possible. And that possibility was brought to you by Double.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex. Story number six.

[Alex]

Story number six. I pooped in the person. I pooped in the person I was seeing's parents toilet.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, okay.

[Alex]

And it wouldn't go down, so I took it out with a plastic bag and threw it out the window.

[Big J Okerson]

Jordan.

[Brendan Sagalo]

What does it say about Jordan? That she could be any one of these. Oh.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So I will say it is embarrassing.

[Jordan Jensen]

I would have broken it in half.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I. No, there's. There's eight stories.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I'm not gonna get this.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I feel like it's Yamani because it's.

[Yamanika Saunders]

All you can put. No again. No black person is doing all that.

[Big J Okerson]

I wouldn't do that. I would not hold turds in plastic. A human turd.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I remember one time I took such a big poop at my son's mother's, like, sister's place.

[Yamanika Saunders]

All right, Every time you say his son mother, it's him, right? My son mother's bloomflower. My son mother took a shit in the toilet.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I did, though.

[Big J Okerson]

And have you ever had romance besides this one lady?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Dude, it was as you've described. It was. It. It was totem pole. Like, it. It literally came out of the toilet. It stacked and it wouldn't flush. And then I had to. I had to get her. I was like, you got to give me like a hanger or something. And I had to use a hanger. And I had to like, just.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, break it up.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you had to break it up.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It was.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

I've never had to break up a in my life.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Putting it in a bag is ran crazy.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Where'd you get the bag?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Whoever did it y was about to answer.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm going closet.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, I don't know.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I know. I know this is a podcast. I know it's a podcast also. But I want you to take a good look at me, all right? And ask yourself, do I look like the type of that's gonna put her hands in a damn toilet and grab out of When I can just say, hey, I did what everybody did in there, but my went wrong.

[Big J Okerson]

Right, soldier?

[Yamanika Saunders]

Cause I went in somewhere to shit. It ain't a surprise. Oh, that somebody shitting where you shit now? If I took a shit on they couch, maybe then I want to move shit around. If it was not where shit's supposed to be.

[Big J Okerson]

At the parents house, though, I missed it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, you know what we should do? We should create a thing where everyone can text in their answers and we can put the audience vote up there. Can we? That's fun.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Can we today?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Not now.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Why not? You don't know how to move faster than that.

[Big J Okerson]

Our slaves are gonna drink snuck tech.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, Yaaminika did make a great point, but.

[Big J Okerson]

She made a great point.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She had a few little physical motions that made me feel like this is her.

[Yamanika Saunders]

What physical motions?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, you went to go answer where you got the bag. That was the first thing I didn't answer that.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I happen. The whole show I've been looking like this. I was not getting ready to answer him.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I promise I'm just gonna do this right now. Lewis, is this you?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, you.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Now, you don't put a trick bag in it.

[Jordan Jensen]

Because he could.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Nah, it sound too much like Jay, that's why. It's not him.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

I wouldn't grab it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He wouldn't grab it. I just couldn't imagine Jay putting in the vet. Maybe when he was younger, though.

[Big J Okerson]

But, well, girl, I was seeing.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You know what it is? Brendan seemed like the type of sitcom to do some like this, right? It's a total sitcom move.

[Brendan Sagalo]

This does seem like me.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm gonna go.

[Brendan Sagalo]

This does seem like something I would do.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I keep putting Brenda down. I'm sorry.

[Brendan Sagalo]

That's okay.

[Jordan Jensen]

This is my gut. I have to go with my.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm going with my gut. I'm saying Yamanika. I'm sorry. Am I. I.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You ain't got to be sorry. You don't want to lose the points.

[Big J Okerson]

It. I'm gonna go. I'm going.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Lewis, you think me.

[Big J Okerson]

I think you just told a story. You've done this before.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I did. I did have a.

[Big J Okerson]

But when I. When I. I.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

When I go off my diet, I get crazy, and my shits are massive.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, but I don't think I. I can imagine Jay being like, I don't want to mess up anybody's toy, you know? But I think you would be like, I too big. I too big upstairs.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Look out, everyone.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't think he would do that. You're right. I would go through, like, a lot of effort to handle this situation without alerting anybody. I don't know if picking it up and tossing it at a window is the one I would think of before I just found anything disposable to try to like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, Jake does always have a Hot Topic bag on him at all times.

[Big J Okerson]

Also, wouldn't go. I've never had a shit that wouldn't go down. I've had a toilet clog because of toilet paper and stuff, but I've never had, like, a. I've had to break apart. That's unhealthy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think it's actually healthy, everybody.

[Jordan Jensen]

You've never had a shit that gets stuck like the star, the Pentecostal star.

[Yamanika Saunders]

That's what I'm saying. Never once doing too much.

[Big J Okerson]

Never once. Never once have I doing it.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You've had a shit that clogged up.

[Jordan Jensen]

A Toilet before or just a shit that does that.

[Big J Okerson]

Yield, won't go.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Just gets stuck like the star of. Like the satanic star.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Now I'm trying to figure out, right, because what you mean.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Goddamn Jordan.

[Jordan Jensen]

I know how to break up the star. You break it up, you cut it in half. You flush twice. You flush twice.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You flush twice, you flush twice. Yamanika votes. Brandon. Brandon, you're the last person to vote here.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Look, I think this is something you do when you're younger because you're afraid of the vulnerability of having to go up to someone and say that you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

To this day, I don't shake in front of girls. Like, I'll go to another place.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Right. And Lewis used to be a fat kid. I was, oh, us fat kids, we make big old poopies. So.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm saying, Louis, wow. Jay Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, five answers are in Alex.

[Alex]

That story belonged to Jordan Jensen.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jordan Jensen, you dirty.

[Brendan Sagalo]

That's fucking crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

She explained over and over again that she has this issue.

[Yamanika Saunders]

She did.

[Jordan Jensen]

No, it wasn't recent.

[Yamanika Saunders]

She told a whole story. She told that story.

[Jordan Jensen]

It was stuck like this. It wouldn't come out. I loved him. I had to. I took the. I took the trash bag out of the. Out of the trash bin and had.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, you use it like a glove.

[Jordan Jensen]

Like a dog poop. Yeah. And then I took it out and I. And I put it out the window. And then I went downstairs, saw it immediately in the yard. Immediately saw it. It didn't get hot. Hidden in a boiler.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The person saw it.

[Jordan Jensen]

No, I went down and was like, the shit's right. Eventually, they for sure found a human in a bag.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait, you did get the bag and then throw it.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Where was she gonna put it? Where was she gonna put it?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'd say, oh, I have to go.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Out for a walk.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'll be right back, folks.

[Big J Okerson]

Bag of human.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And then I grab my. And I would throw it at the neighborhood.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You would go meet somebody's family for the first time and then go from the bathroom and then say, I gotta go. They gonna be like your girlfriend. Friends on drugs.

[Big J Okerson]

I'd rather than think that. I'm a fucking fan.

[Yamanika Saunders]

She went to the bathroom for 35 minutes and immediately had to go on a walk to let her crack. Settle in. Don't bring her here for Christmas.

[Jordan Jensen]

Also, every one of you described, like, big poops being affiliated with fatness. And I was insecure, so I was like, I don't want to be the fat girl.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You were fat, too, when you were younger.

[Jordan Jensen]

I Was? Yeah. At this point? Yeah. I mean, I was fat for a long time. I was probably fat at this point. But I was also, like, paranoid that I'd be the fat girl with the big poop.

[Big J Okerson]

You were?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's not paranoia. That's reality.

[Big J Okerson]

Your greatest fears were realized that I.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Didn'T want them to know. But what she wanted thin poop.

[Jordan Jensen]

I wanted skinny girl poop, which goes right down.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Well, how you know that ain't thin poop? Yeah, sometimes. Did you think about maybe sometimes people's drain chains and are just small?

[Jordan Jensen]

It was small. Yeah, it was. Thank you. It was a weak plumbing.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah. That's the last time a black woman is going to show up for you for the next four years.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Okay.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You take that little crumb I give you, you hold on to it forever.

[Jordan Jensen]

Thank you. God bless you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, really, double points.

[Yamanika Saunders]

If she got 12 points, I'm out.

[Big J Okerson]

Really?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

How about double points is to turn this game upside down right now? Where are our points at, Alex?

[Alex]

All right, everyone, on the scoreboard with four points, I have Big J Okerson.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're failing. Jay.

[Alex]

Tied with six points each. Lewis J. Gomez and Yamanika with 10 points. Brendan Sagalo and in the lead with 11 points.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Wow, wow, wow. Eleven. Let me say something right now, right? Let me say something right now. All my people in here, okay? You see how they setting us up, right? Don't they putting him in the last place. That's just a ruse, right? To be like, oh, when I go, well, why was I. Oh, well, Jay was. He only had four points. But fuck them, they don't count. We are the people that came here as the right. They bout to let me lose, right, to this white bitch and this slow white nigga. I'm telling you right now, this shit is motherfucking rigged. If I lose, we setting this motherfucker off.

[Jordan Jensen]

You hear me?

[Big J Okerson]

If you start to win, we have that girl. Break another glass and distract everybody. Shuffle around. Alex, hit the lights.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Let's take a quick moment and thank Cornbread for being a brand new sponsor on Story wars. Cornbread makes organic THC gummies that are 100 legal. Maybe you're trying to cut back on alcohol. Maybe you're trying to cut back on smoking. Cornbread has you covered, okay? They actually sent me. They have the. The really low THC sleep gummies. It's 1 milligram of THC, 25 milligrams grams of CBD. I take them every single night. They put me out like a light.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you think cornbread's like an old, fat black jazz musician who runs, like, an empire of these THC gummies out of his bayou place? Maybe I just saw her nipple again. I'm sorry.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You gotta eat some cornbread. It is America's only USDA certified organic THC gummy. It is a one to one ratio of THC to CBD. Real THC. No synthetic. And it's 100% legal hemp with fast and free shipping. Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

Story wars. Listeners can save 30% of their first order right now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

By just going to cornbread. Hemp.com wars with a Z. Cornbreadhemp.com wars with a Z. This is the good life, everybody. Make sure you check them out. Cornbread.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, where were we? Alex, Story number seven.

[Alex]

Story number seven. When I was in high school, I covered my significant other's car in pink and purple balloons on Valentine's Day. Everyone made fun of it, and my partner was mortified.

[Big J Okerson]

This was definitely a guy doing this for a girl.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No way.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Well, Lewis grew up in the Bronx, so they ain't got no cars out there.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't grow up in the Bronx.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I didn't grow up in the.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Right.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. You've dated a girl with a car.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay. Jay didn't have a girlfriend in high school. Right.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's the most random thing I've ever.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Heard in my life.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I guess I also did not have. I wasn't allowed to date. And.

[Big J Okerson]

And I was so allowed.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I don't know.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was encouraged.

[Big J Okerson]

They asked me why I wasn't.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I can see Sago being a little romantic scamp.

[Big J Okerson]

This seems like. Listen, he's trying to get that girl.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Back that cheated on him with his friend.

[Big J Okerson]

This.

[Brendan Sagalo]

My love. Look what I've done to your chariots.

[Big J Okerson]

I also think it's Frank. I don't think this is Lewis.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, it's too expensive for Louis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I am romantic, though.

[Big J Okerson]

This could. This could possibly be Louis.

[Jordan Jensen]

Jay. It could be Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

It could be. It's. It could be Jay. That's why I think it could. Could be Lewis. But I don't think it's Lewis, so I'm pretty sure it's Sagalo if it's either of you two retarded.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But that's the thing. A girl. A girl technically could do this for a guy. That's why he would.

[Big J Okerson]

A guy mortified if everyone made fun.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Of his pink and purple balloon car. Yes.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I wasn't on his band, and I was president of the Debate team. So most certainly I had time to be running after. No putting on his car. Okay, I was busy.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I don't know.

[Yamanika Saunders]

But Sagala, I was like, I don't know, maybe, yeah, he could have did the shit. And then I was like, I don't. You know what I'm saying? But then I was like, maybe he. You know, the balloons throw me off. You know why? Cuz I don't want him to float away, you know? Remember the little fat up. How come the poop?

[Jordan Jensen]

You immediately thought it was me. But a sweet thing like this, nobody saying.

[Yamanika Saunders]

No.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If the balloons were filled with whippets, I'd like Jordan 100.

[Big J Okerson]

Also, all Jordan stories are stories of romance that end in her own tragedies, it seems like.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Right?

[Big J Okerson]

Something terrible always.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

It's like, where'd you grow up, Brendan?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Long Island?

[Yamanika Saunders]

Look, this is what I'm talking about.

[Brendan Sagalo]

We all think so.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

That's girls having cars in high school. And no.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Shut up. This is what I'm gonna say.

[Big J Okerson]

Hear my pleas here. My.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Please be the. Your partner. Being mortified is. Now, this may come off a little racist, but I think it's only a black thing that they'd be mortified. You know what I mean?

[Yamanika Saunders]

I. I would love to hear this.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Just feel like, you know, not why it is is. It is. You know what? You're right. It is me. I'm writing me.

[Jordan Jensen]

No, no, no.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You had a whole theory cooked. No, we need to hear.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Well, purple and I just feel like doing things and big, big, you know, things like. That is kind of a culture that would also like, you know, decorate their coffins and stuff.

[Big J Okerson]

You know what I mean? Like, I feel like DJ at a funeral type shit.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I don't want to.

[Jordan Jensen]

I don't want to be sitting here anymore.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Please sit here. Please sit here.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I mean, this is really rich. Cause wasn't your grandmother climbing a wall on January 6th?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

First one. First one to show up, last one to leave. That's commitment.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, Yamanika. Honestly, I can't.

[Yamanika Saunders]

It's not me. For real.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You said it last time. It wasn't you. Just like this.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I'm telling you to just take me out a lot of that shit because I was not allowed to date in high school.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but you can say whatever you want right now.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You know my story. I was a virgin until I was 26 years old. You know this.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I do. That is true.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So how do you.

[Big J Okerson]

Until you took it against her will.

[Yamanika Saunders]

That was not me. I Wouldn't do. I wasn't allowed to date or talk to boys like that, I'm telling you.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I'm. Brandon's locked in.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Did you put me down?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I put you down.

[Big J Okerson]

He gave that whole beautiful Martin Luther King speech with the other.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Damn.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I'm worried. I'm worried. It's Louis.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I'm going with Brendan because it could.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

It's Lewis. What is Lewis. God damn it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Actually, it might be a big J now, you piece of.

[Big J Okerson]

It's Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Ah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Lewis gets points if it's him. Right? And it's not him. But if it's not him, it's him.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Yamanika Saunders]

You know what the. I mean, right?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't.

[Yamanika Saunders]

He gets if. If. Right? If it's him and we said it's.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If it's. If it's me. If it's me and you don't vote for me, I get more points.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Okay? Yeah, okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You have points for people you feel. It's Brendan. Is this you?

[Brendan Sagalo]

What? I swear to God. I swear to God.

[Big J Okerson]

What? God?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Allah?

[Big J Okerson]

No, That's a pretty serious one.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You should know.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Because it could be some of that, like, Puerto Rican pimp, right? Pink and purple balloons.

[Brendan Sagalo]

And now I think it's Lewis. Can I change? I can't change.

[Jordan Jensen]

No.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You touched it. Yeah. Good for you. You, you. You stay right there. Ten points, nigga, where you belong.

[Brendan Sagalo]

That sucks.

[Big J Okerson]

I think Brendan's also doing all this hullabaloo to make you not vote for him. Still is his last. Exactly.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What's going on?

[Yamanika Saunders]

But here's the party voted.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, but you're trying to.

[Big J Okerson]

Yama, right?

[Jordan Jensen]

Right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yama's got your name on the board.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Right? Right. And here's the thing. Right? Right.

[Big J Okerson]

Go on.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Okay. He wins. I don't word he. You win because you and I are in competition, right? Right. So if it is you and I don't choose you, you want to get a point from me, I'm gonna get.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Two points from you.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Right?

[Big J Okerson]

Right.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Right. Right. But if it's him and we both said him, then we both stay in the same point.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We have four points if it's Brendan.

[Big J Okerson]

Because now it's double points.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Can I do. Wait a minute.

[Big J Okerson]

We'll be right back after these words from our sponsors.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Is it commercial time?

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I was like the disrespect in the middle of what I'm asking. You gonna write the commercial.

[Big J Okerson]

Wrote a commercial.

[Yamanika Saunders]

And it better not be no love that chicken from Popeyes. I know how you fucking racist niggas operate. Goofy ass Crackers.

[Big J Okerson]

Popeye's delicious.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Shut up.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

When Yamanika stands up, is she still completely on camera?

[Yamanika Saunders]

No.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I'm going to get her head there.

[Yamanika Saunders]

No. What was I going to say? No, Fuck it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Fuck it.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I want to do something unprecedented. Okay. I would like the audience to help me. Is that okay?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Are you good?

[Yamanika Saunders]

Please.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

There are no rules.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Okay? So if you guys want me to vote for.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Questions as a friend, can you ask them if they believe it's this perseverance to put your hands in the Air Force whatever. No, no, no. I'm just asking.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I hate. They do that kind of shit to me all the time. I'm so fucking gullible. They'll be like, yami, can you. And I'm like. I listen. I'm like, yes. And it's some fuck shit. No, I'm not doing that.

[Jordan Jensen]

You hate tips by a show of areola.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Jordan will do it. Jordan will do it later.

[Big J Okerson]

If you think it's Brendan, put him on the glass.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

No, no. Jay. Jay, you're sober enough for this. Do the thing. But for me. What you want me to vote for?

[Big J Okerson]

Can you ask if you believe this story belongs to Brendan Sagle, who's faking texting to be, by the way. I just saw what he was doing and his thumbs were doing this and no way. There was nothing real happening there. Double check if you believe it's Brendan Sagolo. Put your hands together.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I better get ready.

[Big J Okerson]

Jordan Jensen, come on.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Me.

[Big J Okerson]

Luis J. Gomez.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Okay, guys, we're in this together.

[Jordan Jensen]

Fools.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Fools. Great.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Okay, so Brendan's gonna get so many points. You're an idiot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're an idiot, Yamanika.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Me and my team doing Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You are stupid.

[Brendan Sagalo]

That's such a last result.

[Yamanika Saunders]

It better be. I can't wait for it to be your goofy ass.

[Big J Okerson]

All five answers are in. Alex, who does story number seven belong to?

[Alex]

Story number seven belongs to Louis J.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yes. We did it. We did it. I love. I knew y'all knew.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I knew y'all.

[Jordan Jensen]

I, I.

[Yamanika Saunders]

That's my team out there. That's my team out there.

[Jordan Jensen]

The crowd.

[Big J Okerson]

You hard.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You guys. Me right in my ass, you piece of. You scumbags. Yeah, this was my. My ex girlfriend Vicki in high school. And by the way, I was Vicky with a seawall. I was. I wasn't actually in high school. This is written wrong. I was was out of high school. I was in my first year of community college and I went back to the school and I covered her car in all these balloons and little pink hearts. And she came out. All of her friends made fun of her. And then everyone called me gay.

[Big J Okerson]

I like that you were in college and didn't have a car and you decorated your girlfriend who did have a car.

[Yamanika Saunders]

That was. That was very romantic.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it was very romantic.

[Big J Okerson]

Those friends.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You did a good thing, buddy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She was very. She wasn't happy.

[Jordan Jensen]

I was looking at it through the rich, Len. Like, I was looking at it through a Long island lens. And then I looked at it, a poor lens, and I was like, oh, it seems. You know what I mean? Like, I did. I could only see Richlands.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Like, I told me my hometown wouldn't do balloons. We would do rhinestones.

[Yamanika Saunders]

A real rubies to Long Island. And Brendan knows every corner. You understand?

[Brendan Sagalo]

You know what I'm saying?

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex Boro points that I still. I still got some points there.

[Brendan Sagalo]

All right.

[Alex]

On the scoreboard, with four points, big J Okerson.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yay.

[Alex]

Tied with 10 points each, Lewis J. Gomez. Yamana and Brendan Sagalo.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Alex]

And in the lead with 15 points, Jordan Jensen.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Still anybody's game. Still anybody's game. Except for Big J's.

[Big J Okerson]

It's okay, guys. Sure, I can't win, but I still.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Can play Giant killer.

[Big J Okerson]

Giant killer.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They don't like it as much as double points. I did.

[Big J Okerson]

We have reached our final story of the evening. Everybody. Everybody, Everybody. Alex. Story number eight.

[Alex]

Story number eight. When I was a kid, I would buy my own Valentine's and have them sent to me. I would write myself love notes and giggle like it was so romantic.

[Big J Okerson]

Yo, this is the sad. This is the saddest story I've ever heard on this show.

[Yamanika Saunders]

That's gotta be a gag.

[Big J Okerson]

Yo, that's. Is this a lie, Jordan? Why have you gone into an emotional show over here?

[Yamanika Saunders]

Gotta be a gag. Is this like a prank one?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, y'all. Monique, that's true. She wasn't allowed to date.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I'm so glad they did that. I'm so glad they did that. No, no. I'm so glad they did that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Thank you.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Will you grab that for me?

[Yamanika Saunders]

No, no, no. Your hands is all over now.

[Big J Okerson]

Now. Cuz I'm so worried about being a creep.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I keep doing.

[Big J Okerson]

I keep doing this.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Hands is off of it now, baby.

[Big J Okerson]

Yaman, maybe she was very. You were raised very, like, strict. Like, you said you couldn't date.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I wasn't allowed to even think about love or any of that stuff.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but you could write a note to yourself. Giggle like a weirdo.

[Jordan Jensen]

You.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Do I look like I giggle? Giggle, nigga. That. I can't believe the two of y'all giggle.

[Big J Okerson]

How long's it been since you giggled, Yawanika?

[Yamanika Saunders]

Well, I don't never. I've never. Gig or go, I want you to.

[Big J Okerson]

Get your giggle back. I want you to get that giggle back.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Just vote for me. Cause I need the points, I'm telling you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, you don't get the points if.

[Yamanika Saunders]

We vote for you. Yeah, I do.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, yeah, I do.

[Yamanika Saunders]

When it's not me, I do vote for me. What if it's not me? I do.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You don't, though. That's not how the points are.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah, I said I don't.

[Big J Okerson]

I think she's right. Wait, I think she's right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I keep on so. I don't mean to be looking at your nipples. It's not my fault. But every time I look, there's nipples right there.

[Big J Okerson]

I've trained myself, dude.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm telling you.

[Big J Okerson]

I see. As soon as I see mustache, I go like this. Now it's been awkward, but I'm doing good. I think she did.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's not our fault, dude. It's not my fault.

[Big J Okerson]

I think she feels that I'm less of a piece of shit now because she sees me keep doing this romantic. Now I'm overly not looking.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Getting a Valentine's. I don't understand.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but you can.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Please.

[Big J Okerson]

We're acknowledging this girl's titties again here.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Give us a second.

[Jordan Jensen]

I. I'm just trying to figure out.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Jordan, where would you. Where you buy your Valentine's from, Kenny?

[Jordan Jensen]

Drugs. I mean, you did it.

[Yamanika Saunders]

No, she answered some.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This also could. This could be Jordan. All of Jordan.

[Big J Okerson]

Brandon, stop fake texting to throw us off the scent.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All of Jordan's stories are borderline fucking psychopathic sad stories.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, they really are. The only thing that's missing is the word crush. But you couldn't have a crush. Cause you in this story were in fact your own crush.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Whoa.

[Jordan Jensen]

What'd you say?

[Big J Okerson]

Huh? I couldn't say it again the same way.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I really want these fucking points. I don't know which motherfucker this could be.

[Jordan Jensen]

We had the boxes, the Valentine's Day boxes that you don't have. Everybody in class.

[Yamanika Saunders]

It just seems like. It can't be Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I was always. I was a romantic heart, though.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You got a really big heart.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, it's an enlarged heart.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it's different.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's not a Big.

[Big J Okerson]

It's. They call it.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Don't say that. No, no, no. They don't receive that. In the name of Jesus, I rebuke that I'll be receiving like that. You take this, take this, hold this because yeah, I might. It might be enough time.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I can see this being Brendan. I can see it being Jordan. Yaminique is right. She doesn't giggle.

[Big J Okerson]

No, but when she was a kid, maybe she giggles.

[Brendan Sagalo]

She's giggled so much.

[Jordan Jensen]

Everybody like in those shows where they have to say the sentence out loud. We should all giggle and see which is most realistic.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's true.

[Big J Okerson]

Jordan, before I vote for you.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I want to say that I do feel bad that I'm doing that essentially because all your stories have been soul crushingly sad. I feel terrible that as soon as I hear this, I'm like, poor Jordan just giggling to herself on a bed reading several valentine she wrote to herself.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm giggling.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, no. Lewis has the giggles now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's him.

[Big J Okerson]

Lewis would write himself love notes. Although he does tell me that he makes out with the arity master.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I do think that to this day.

[Jordan Jensen]

Operate the postal service at this age. You know what I mean? I can't imagine imagine you at any younger age putting a stamp on something is insane.

[Big J Okerson]

Postal service.

[Jordan Jensen]

No, no, sent to me. You'd have them sent himself. Imagine Louis using mail.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh my God. Was this like in school?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Hilarious.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, they sent them to. Oh, to other rooms.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God. No, I think you just write them to yourself and put them all in the big bin and then your name shows up. It doesn't matter if it's in your own handwriting. Teacher doesn't know. They just give it to you. It is genius. And you did it. It sad. Son of a. Yeah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Cause she did that last time. She told us the whole story.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, that she did.

[Yamanika Saunders]

And we was like, oh, it's somebody else. Yeah, this did it again. Yeah, you done did it.

[Jordan Jensen]

Done did it again. If it's not.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I didn't even think about that.

[Big J Okerson]

Jordan, you bent on that.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Jordan, you got to stop.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jordan's trying to just convince me separately just to get some. Some points at the end.

[Yamanika Saunders]

It's definitely Jordan.

[Big J Okerson]

Lewis.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jordan Jensen is my final vote.

[Yamanika Saunders]

And this is the last one, right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, this is the last one.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Don't y'all think it's. Don't y'all think it's Jordan?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, the audience is very intuitive, right.

[Jordan Jensen]

I was sucking the of every fourth grader in my school. They were sending me Love notes with little $10 bills.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, they were not.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yes.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, they were not.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's what she wrote to herself. She was like, you gave me the best head ever, Jordan. I love it.

[Big J Okerson]

Jordan, I'm so sorry. We just purged that out of you. Like that sucked off everyone in fourth grade.

[Jordan Jensen]

All right, I did. I got lost.

[Big J Okerson]

You weren't there.

[Jordan Jensen]

You didn't know I was sexually advanced.

[Yamanika Saunders]

They. Everybody in here that's not sexually advanced.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jordan. Jordan was in ap Dick sucking.

[Jordan Jensen]

I was goth. I was a fat goth.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Those kids are Jordan, Jordan, give up the ghost, baby. It's you. Everybody said it's you. And Alex, go ahead and say it's you.

[Big J Okerson]

The answers are in on our final story. Story number eight, Whose is it, Alex?

[Alex]

The final story belonged to Yamini.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Give me that book. Give me that book.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Here's, here's the best part is Yamanika, when she starts arguing, she goes into it and really believes it.

[Big J Okerson]

I just check out. When she says I go, I go. Well, it's not her. She's going through the whole thing.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Your mistake was telling us you couldn't feel love. You weren't allowed to. So that was the clear indication.

[Big J Okerson]

Love.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I wasn't supposed to understand sexual and romantic love.

[Brendan Sagalo]

So what was written in the notes? Like, what. What did you write to yourself?

[Yamanika Saunders]

No, I would write like, I'm going to marry you one day. I've been looking for you. You know, I sent myself like, damn, that tight.

[Big J Okerson]

Ya yummy.

[Yamanika Saunders]

So I. One of my friends, I would tell her that my secret admirer wants to get me a message, but he can't get it to me directly, so she has to go get the from him. So I would leave things for her to pick up to bring to me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So then she would tell everyone else that, yo, I'm going to go to secret tomorrow.

[Yamanika Saunders]

The thing about it is, bitch, you don't even think, like, how the fuck do I know where to tell you how to find this nigga? Shit, if it ain't me, Right? Right. I was like, he left a message like, then why the fuck didn't I get the message? She was dumb, but the teacher would. Especially in Valentine's Day. Cause they would call you up in some of the places they go, hey, so and so got one, and da da da, da da. And I would.

[Big J Okerson]

Then they give you the number, and so and so got so and so, got 14. And you're like, what the fuck are you doing?

[Yamanika Saunders]

Stop wondering why these kids are shooting up the schools. Stop doing that shit.

[Jordan Jensen]

I knew it was you because of the yamanika.

[Big J Okerson]

You got 14 Valentines, all from. Okay, this is strange. Yamanika.

[Yamanika Saunders]

No, I didn't put my name on it.

[Jordan Jensen]

I knew you could hear you being mean to yourself. Like, at the end. It was like. It was like. And I would. I would giggle at it. Like it was romantic. I could hear you doing that. I mean, excuse me for doing black voice, but it was black voice.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah. I don't know, you sounded pretty normal. You know, not normal, but, you know.

[Jordan Jensen]

Like, it was romantic.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Black people know romance too. I don't know. It wasn't black voice. But you know the reason she convinced me?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Cuz she said she's never giggled.

[Yamanika Saunders]

And I was like, I can't never. I've giggled every moment.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, the giggling, all I do is giggle.

[Yamanika Saunders]

That's why I said it, cuz I'm like, these niggas don't pay attention when I'm soft. All I do is giggle.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm a goofball. I know, but when you said I don't giggle, I was like, maybe she calls it so. Something cooler, like, you know, like. Yeah, I'll give it up a little.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, where are our points at? Final points. I think I know who won, but let us know, make it official.

[Alex]

All right, final scores. In last place, Big J Oakerson with four points.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That was your worst showing ever, Alex.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait a second. Let me let everybody know. This is tense for more than one reason.

[Jordan Jensen]

Why?

[Big J Okerson]

The main reason being this book. Readers have praised it for its engaging plot, unexpected twists, and the chemistry between the characters. Undercover by J. Love. It's on the line. I'm out. I gotta accept my fate.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think it might be J. Lovie.

[Big J Okerson]

We do a favor.

[Alex]

With 10 points, Luis J. Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Damn. Wow. Story words getting our ass kicked today.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I left him in the dust. Hey, you're. Technically, you two didn't win. You had to get double points. If I had double points, you wouldn't even have been close to me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You did get double points.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Big no. Oh, okay. Wait, am I. Okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Go ahead, Alex, continue with the points, please.

[Alex]

Tied with 14 points each, Brandon Sagalo and Yamanika, your winner for tonight with 19 points, Jordan Jensen.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Jordan.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jordan.

[Big J Okerson]

Jordan. Congratulations. You are now out of official story. Warrior. Can I say take the honors? If you'd like to say the words and get your reaction, you now have earned the right to do that.

[Jordan Jensen]

The words.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Double bonus.

[Jordan Jensen]

The I. I could think. I want to thank my mom.

[Alex]

No, no, no.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Double bonus. No.

[Jordan Jensen]

I'm gonna say It. But what I mostly want to thank is the. Is. Is the. Is the wonderful opportunity to use Double Points.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And by the way. By the way, the. The. The author of the book sent. Sent it in and wrote us a note. Hi, my name is Jay Lovey, and I am a small indie author who recently came out Small Indian. Oh, I am a small Indian.

[Jordan Jensen]

I am tiny.

[Yamanika Saunders]

Okay. Can we.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My partner and I watch every episode. Episode of Story wars, and we thought, why not send in my book? I'd be so honored if you use the book on the show. Thank you, Jay. Lobby.

[Yamanika Saunders]

I want a copy of it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We're gonna also sign it as well. You're gonna sign it as well?

[Yamanika Saunders]

Yeah, yeah. And give it to who? No, you want to read it? I want to read it. Okay. Thank you. I'm. I won now. Yeah. No, no, it's me.

[Jordan Jensen]

You sign it.

[Yamanika Saunders]

You sign it, too, and give it back to me. You ain't reading that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You gotta put the official stamp on it as well.

[Yamanika Saunders]

And let me tell you something. Y'all got robbed, right? You got robbed. Because if I had won, when it came time for me to say my magic, that I can say now to get you niggas riled the fuck up, I would have been like, double points, motherfucker.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But they can't hit the button now.

[Yamanika Saunders]

What. What button? I haven't been paying attention. I don't even know what's going on.

[Big J Okerson]

Everybody have a big round of applause for Ari. Entire lineup here. Brendan Sagalo, Jordan. Jensen. Yamanika. Saunders. Jordan. Congratulations. The newest Story warrior. It's official. Thank you all so much for being here with us. We're here every Wednesday at the stand. Join us.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, join us. Seven thirties. We should tell people that. That. Listen.

[Big J Okerson]

Absolutely. 7:30pm at the stand. Every Wednesday, with limited exception. Thank you so much for being here. We'll catch you guys next time on Stories. Hey, this girl's boobs.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.