030. Bobby Lee, Adam Ray, & Greg Fitzsimmons | Los Angeles

Summary

Podcast Summary: Story Warz Episode 030 – Bobby Lee, Adam Ray, & Greg Fitzsimmons | Los Angeles

Introduction and Participants

Story Warz is a comedic showdown hosted by Big Jay Oakerson and Louis J. Gomez, where comedians and entertainment figures engage in a game of storytelling and deception. In Episode 030, live from The Comedy Store in Los Angeles, the hosts welcome three notable guests: Bobby Lee, Adam Ray, and Greg Fitzsimmons.

Game Overview and Rules

The premise of Story Warz involves each participant submitting several stories centered around a specific topic. For this episode, the chosen theme is "The City of Los Angeles." Producer Alex reads the stories aloud in a random order, and contestants must guess who authored each tale. Points are awarded based on successful deceptions and accurate guesses:

• 1 point for fooling others with your own story.
• 2 points for correctly identifying another contestant’s story.

Round-by-Round Breakdown

Each round features four stories submitted by the panelists, with participants debating and guessing the ownership of each narrative.

Round 1: Celebrity Birthday Party at the Manson Murder Property

Story 1: Greg Fitzsimmons shares an outlandish story about attending a celebrity's birthday party at the notorious Manson property, complete with the Beach Boys playing in a small living room.

• Notable Quote:
  Greg Fitzsimmons (02:19): “Bob Saget's a twisted motherfucker. He had the Beach Boys play in the Manson home...”

Guessing and Outcome: After some humorous banter and attempts to mislead, the group concludes that Greg Fitzsimmons authored this story, which Alex later confirms correct.

• Quote Highlight:
  Big Jay Oakerson (14:10): “I trust Greg. I trust Greg F.”

Score Update: Greg scores 3 points for his correct identification of another's story, while Bobby Lee receives 2 points.

Round 2: Defending a Woman from a Homeless Man in a Starbucks

Story 2: Bobby Lee narrates an incident where he defends a woman from a bewildering confrontation with a homeless individual outside a Starbucks in downtown LA.

• Notable Quote:
  Bobby Lee (24:10): “After three years... I was like, 'I'll walk that way then,' you know.”

Guessing and Outcome: The panel debates whether Greg or assumed to be Louis, ultimately voting Bobby Lee as the storyteller, which is validated by Alex.

• Quote Highlight:
  Greg Fitzsimmons (Seg. around 25:00): “I would do like, Yuri on Ice...”

Score Update: Both Big Jay and Bobby Lee reach 3 points each.

Round 3: Rushing the Stage at a Price is Right Taping

Story 3: Greg Fitzsimmons describes his chaotic experience during a taping of The Price is Right, where he impulsively rushes the stage to celebrate with the winner.

• Notable Quote:
  Greg Fitzsimmons (30:06): “I couldn't see Adam's face at the stage...”

Guessing and Outcome: The group suspects Bobby Lee’s eccentric behavior fits this narrative, and Alex confirms it belongs to Bobby.

• Quote Highlight:
  Big Jay Oakerson (37:01): “Jeff Neiman, Little Nebuchad Jew...”

Score Update: Bobby Lee secures 5 points while others remain steady.

Round 4: Sharing a Prostitute Encounter

Story 4: Bobby Lee recounts a bizarre encounter where he and two other comedians meet a prostitute who turns out to be a Mexican dwarf.

• Notable Quote:
  Bobby Lee (43:08): “We were laying like sardines and this guy starts jerking off...”

Guessing and Outcome: The panel unanimously attributes this story to Bobby Lee, as confirmed by Alex.

• Quote Highlight:
  Greg Fitzsimmons (45:27): “Big J feels like a cool. That's a cool move, man.”

Score Update: Bobby Lee's points rise to 8, reinforcing his strong position.

Round 5: Opening for a Band at the Key Club

Story 5: Big Jay Oakerson shares his experience opening for heavy metal bands like Korn at the Key Club, where his comedic antics led to him being asked to leave.

• Notable Quote:
  Big Jay Oakerson (57:16): “They put me on in front of a crowd that was coming in and not interested.”

Guessing and Outcome: The panel quickly identifies Big Jay as the storyteller, ensuring his points increase.

• Quote Highlight:
  Greg Fitzsimmons (59:56): “It's a comedy metal band, what sort...”

Score Update: Big Jay amasses 10 points, maintaining a competitive edge.

Round 6: Being Recognized at a Comedy Club and Attended a Sex Party

Story 6: Adam Ray narrates a story about being recognized while eating a chocolate-dipped frozen banana at a comedy club, leading to his unexpected invitation to a sex party.

• Notable Quote:
  Adam Ray (70:01): “There was a black guy and he's getting blown by this girl. And we locked eyes...”

Guessing and Outcome: Despite the absurdity, the panel correctly assigns this story to Adam Ray.

• Quote Highlight:
  Big Jay Oakerson (69:20): “I'm gonna lock it in because I know this is Big J.”

Score Update: Adam Ray earns 8 points, trailing behind Bobby and Big Jay.

Round 7: Robin Williams Heckling and Subsequent Suicide

Story 7: Greg Fitzsimmons shares a poignant and dark story about Robin Williams heckling him during a performance, which he claims contributed to Williams' subsequent suicide.

• Notable Quote:
  Greg Fitzsimmons (75:42): “I'm telling you, he's got the rage of a thousand lions living with him at all times...”

Guessing and Outcome: The group deduces Greg Fitzsimmons' involvement, though this round brings emotional depth to the episode.

• Quote Highlight:
  Big Jay Oakerson (77:05): “This was the seller.”

Score Update: Greg Fitzsimmons leads with 19 points, positioning himself as the likely winner.

Final Round: Recapping and Winner Announcement

In the climactic final round, tensions rise as participants vie for the top spot. Through a series of humorous and heartfelt exchanges, the final points are tallied:

• Final Scores:
  • Greg Fitzsimmons: 21 points (Winner)
  • Louis J. Gomez: 19 points
  • Big Jay Oakerson: 16 points
  • Bobby Lee: 14 points
  • Adam Ray: 12 points

Winner: Greg Fitzsimmons triumphs, earning the prize "Drama on Deck: Relationships Can Be Hard" by B. Joseph Smithson.

Notable Closing Quote: Greg Fitzsimmons (82:31): “I want to thank you so much, everybody. On our panel. Make some noise for the great Bobby Lee Adam Ray. Our newest story warrior Greg Fitzsimmons.”

Conclusion

Episode 030 of Story Warz masterfully blends humor, storytelling, and competitive spirit, showcasing the unique comedic talents of Bobby Lee, Adam Ray, and Greg Fitzsimmons. Through engaging narratives and sharp wit, the panelists not only entertain but also reveal personal anecdotes that resonate with the audience. Greg Fitzsimmons emerges victorious, adding another memorable chapter to the Story Warz legacy.

Key Takeaways:

• Story Warz offers a platform for comedians to share and guess personal stories, fostering camaraderie and laughter.
• The dynamic interactions between hosts and guests highlight the improvisational and spontaneous nature of comedy.
• Despite the competitive element, Story Warz emphasizes storytelling as a means of connection and entertainment.

Recommended For: Fans of stand-up comedy, improvisational games, and those who enjoy behind-the-scenes glimpses into the lives of comedians and entertainers.

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Note: This summary focuses exclusively on the content of the game and interactions between the participants, excluding promotional segments and advertisements that were part of the original broadcast.

Transcript

[Big J Okerson]

This is a mini meditation guided by Bombus. Repeat after me. I'm comfy. I'm cozy.

[Bobby Lee]

Cozy.

[Big J Okerson]

I have zero blisters on my toes. Blisters. And that's cause I wear bombus. The softest socks, underwear and T shirts that give back. One purchased equals one donated. Now go to bombas.com wondery and use code wondery for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O M B-A-S.com wondery and use code wondery at checkout.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Fill her up.

[Bobby Lee]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Big J Okerson]

Ladies and gentlemen, live from the Comedy Store in Los Angeles, it's Story wars with the Story Warriors, Big J. Okerson and Louis J. Go now.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Lewis. It's not special if you demand it. What's up, Los Angeles? Welcome to Story Wars.

[Big J Okerson]

Look at this. Sold out Los Angeles Comedy Store. This is great. Look at these people. This is the best looking fans I've ever seen that we've ever had. LA really is full of a bunch of good looking people. And you're not good looking just compared to the New York fans.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's pretty good. I'm excited to be here, everybody. How many people? We always ask this, but I feel like it's every. Everybody here familiar with Story Wars?

[Big J Okerson]

Is there anybody not familiar with Story Wars?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You jerk off? No. Welcome. Welcome. Well, we will explain the game very quickly once we get our amazing guests up here. Everybody, in no particular order of importance, our guests are amazing. Our first guest, everybody, you know him from Fitz Dog Radio, it is the hilarious Greg Fitzsimmons.

[Big J Okerson]

And our second contestant on Story wars from about last night, podcast. Clap it up for Adam Ray.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's where I want to be. And last but not least, everybody from the bad. Everybody. Everybody from the bad Friends, it's. It's not going to stop. People from the Bad Friends podcast and Tiger Belly, make some noise, all of you. You for the hilarious Bobby Lee.

[Big J Okerson]

Before, before we get into the rules, I want to say we, you know, we talked to Whitney Cummins about coming on today's show and she told me very last minute, she was like, she was like, yeah, I can't do it. I can't get a babysitter for Wednesday night, unfortunately. This is at the Hollywood Improv tonight. That dir lying. I swear to God, Whitney.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, I guess the baby's able to stay by itself now. Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So I'm just excited that Jay remembered that he invited me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay, I deserve that. For those of you unaware, I got called out. I told Greg when he Was coming to New York, dude, come do bonfire and then jump on skanks right after. Done deal. And then figuring then I will text everybody at Legion of Skanks.

[Big J Okerson]

Everybody.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Well, that made sense. That one don't count. Three, you motherfucker. That one was. I texted everybody in the Legion of Skanks. I'm on edge. The fuck was I even talking about?

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, Greg on skanks and you forgetting about him.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So did you just forget the story about forgetting that you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So you can understand, Greg landed and he goes, what time is Legion of Skanks again? On the Monday that he was supposed to do it. And I went, Dude, 8:00. Get there around 7:30. And then panic, texted everybody at Legion of Skanks and said, hey, is it cool? I know we already have a couple guests, but could Greg jump on? I promised we could be on and everything. And then when Greg came on, it was obvious pretty quick that it was a last minute addition.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was obvious because there was three other comics sitting there.

[Big J Okerson]

It was the only time we've done four guests on Legion of Skanks in the history of the show.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Hey, Greg, would you mind sitting on this wrestler's lap?

[Bobby Lee]

And did he?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Whatever it takes, man. It's the skank.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

If you killed it, you gotta do it. It's the skanks. The legendary Legion of Skanks, everybody. For the two people in here that are not familiar with the game Story wars, it is a very simple game. All of us, all five people on this panel have submitted three to five stories on one specific topic.

[Big J Okerson]

Tonight's topic, Louis, the city of Los Angeles.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Alex, our lovely producer, is gonna read those stories in no particular order. In fact, they can double up. It could be the same person twice. But if it's your story, you're the only person who knows.

[Adam Ray]

How does it work? How does it work?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm explaining this.

[Bobby Lee]

Great question, Bobby. Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Can we have one not white person understand these rules? On this show, Yamanika and Bobby Lee should be in some kind of. We should toothpick their eyes open and show them whatever this is. She's gonna read off the stories. If it's your story, you're the only person who knows that it's your job to pretend it's not yours. Because for everybody, you fool, you get a point. Okay? If it's not your story for real, you're trying to actually. My apologies. If it's not your Story or it's. If it's not your story, it's your job, you fucks.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm so confused.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay is in his head about the word everybody right now.

[Bobby Lee]

Who else is confused right now?

[Big J Okerson]

Falling apart.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, don't.

[Bobby Lee]

Where's Whitney? Where's Whitney?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Where the fuck is Whitney? Where the fuck is Whitney? I have a bracelet says that. So if it's not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is, Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. So for every. Every person you fool, you get one point. Every time you guess the story correctly, you get two points. Once you write the name on the board and put it in the holder and take your hand away, that is your final answer. You can't change your answer. It seems very confusing.

[Adam Ray]

Guys.

[Big J Okerson]

I promise you, you're gonna catch on very quickly. Ladies and gentlemen. Wait, hold on. Not yet.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Also.

[Big J Okerson]

We'Ve done this before, I swear. Yeah, it's like this woman was 20 years old when we started explaining the rules.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

We are not professional, everybody. You're not here playing for nothing. Bobby, you probably think you're coming out here doing us a favor. Adam, maybe you have a very busy schedule. Greg, I think you were free.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is this the Whitney chair?

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But it has tape on the back. Ah, shit.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a joke you can use at least three or four more times.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Tonight you are playing for something we're always playing for, a book from the Story wars library. Tonight, the winner gets Drama on Deck Relation Ships Can Be Hard, by B. Joseph Smithson. Drama on Deck Relationships Can Be Hard follows Brianne Bradley, a newcomer embarking on a career aboard a luxurious cruise ship. Anticipating a glamorous adventure, she instead encounters a complex world filled with diverse characters, from alluring officers to challenging supervisors, each harboring their own secrets and agendas.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. We can all relate to that story.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Thank you. Thank you, Ruth.

[Big J Okerson]

We're bringing back the Hoo Hoo.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a very LA move of you.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

We are seneohowit. And then we throw it to the roots. Off camera.

[Big J Okerson]

Ladies and gentlemen. Are you ready for war.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Then, Alex? Without any further ado, Story number one.

[Alex]

Story number one. I went to a celebrity's birthday party at the Manson murder property and the Beach Boys were playing in a small living room.

[Big J Okerson]

The most. This is the most LA story I've ever heard in my entire life.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, but from like the late 70s.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is this a Dom Aara story?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. What Beach Boys do you think you're at a Manson fucking Charles Manson house party? And fucking Stamos is On drums, dude, you know, Stamos whacked the skins for the Beach Boys for a little bit.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't know that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, you didn't watch Full House.

[Bobby Lee]

Who did? Who did? Who really? Who really could quote? Yeah, but can you quote it?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No. Yeah, the cut it out thing.

[Bobby Lee]

They cut it out, but then you're like, wasn't there an episode where, like, DJ got fingered and then Saget was like, it's okay. It happens to everybody. You know, Like.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

And then the music got dark and, like.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And then she. She fingered. She pointed the finger at Urkel.

[Bobby Lee]

Yep.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

For the. The fingering. And that's why he was sent over to his own show.

[Bobby Lee]

That's exactly right.

[Adam Ray]

I thought we were playing a game.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, you're right.

[Adam Ray]

What the fuck is going on around here, man? Hey, man, I'm not saying shit about nothing. I want to play the fucking game, man.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm starting the thing.

[Adam Ray]

Do I put the name down? What do I do?

[Big J Okerson]

Hold on now? Yeah, we gotta maybe ask some questions. Maybe you wanna, you know, try to get a read on the whole table.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

A celebrity's birthday party. I've never been to a celebrity's birthday party.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like Greg is older than the Beach Boys, so it could be him.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is that gonna be my angle tonight?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You old fuck. This is probably you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

We're still for you. We just put in Whitney stories. Frank, if you could just. These stories. These. These three are you. If it comes up, I got fingered by Urkel. Oh, that's fucking Whitney. This I want to say, Greg, you're right for the Beach Boys reference and Manson, but this also, I want to.

[Bobby Lee]

Know who the celebrity was that hosted their party at the Manson murder property.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like Adam is talking a lot. Yeah, he did jump in before. He had a whole thing on Full House.

[Bobby Lee]

Trying to participate with no one.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He tried.

[Bobby Lee]

I had a couple thoughts about Full House. Thought that was a pretty normal move on my part.

[Big J Okerson]

But look, he's even talking more now. The more he talks, the more I think it's him.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Okay.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He was very critical of Full House, wasn't he?

[Adam Ray]

Yes, Bobby, I have my answer.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, great. Great.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby, you can begin the voting if you want. We got to put it in the. You got to put it in the holster.

[Adam Ray]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

You have to put it in there and let it.

[Adam Ray]

Like this?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I can't see.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's your final answer.

[Bobby Lee]

Are we able to see or.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, we can see it.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He said.

[Big J Okerson]

Greg, he says Greg.

[Bobby Lee]

Just in case there's another Greg up here.

[Adam Ray]

I know how to spell it.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh. Oh, thanks for. Oh, yeah. Fitzsimmons. That's right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Greg F.

[Bobby Lee]

That's going to go on YouTube.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

This.

[Big J Okerson]

You know what? I'm going to. I'm going to give my vote to Adam Ray. I feel like he's talking a lot. He's a little bit nervous. He's a good actor. I can tell he's acting right now. That's an acting face right there.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm gonna go with Bobby Lee. Yeah. He voted first. He tried to get everyone involved voting fast without asking a lot of questions. This sounds like a fucking mad TV after party. Some fucking wacky. What's the one with the big eyes, girl? Deborah Wilson idea.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. Her BJ votes for Bobby Lee.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Fucking Lee.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No doubt in my mind. Give me my two points, Gregory.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I also went Bobby Lee.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay.

[Adam Ray]

That says Ken Jeong.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That can't be the first time.

[Big J Okerson]

You guys know it can be me and Big J, too, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay. Just making sure.

[Adam Ray]

Sometimes you guys don't get you guys are invited anywhere.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay. I mean, this is obviously not.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Dude, I was never invited to any celebrity's birthday party.

[Adam Ray]

Okay?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I would totally go to the Manson murder property.

[Adam Ray]

Do we get to know the answer now or.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, Adam's got it.

[Bobby Lee]

Adam's gotta vote, so I.

[Big J Okerson]

You can't. You can't vote for yourself, Adam.

[Bobby Lee]

Great. Yeah. So after taking in all the info, I decided to go with Greg Fitz or Big J, but prob. Bob.

[Big J Okerson]

So you're saying your official votes for Bobby?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay.

[Adam Ray]

All right.

[Big J Okerson]

All right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I think the fact that he's doing like, the what game is what game? I don't do accents, but, like, he's. But the fact that he, like, what game is this? What game is this?

[Adam Ray]

I'm like, did I do an accent?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah, you did, man. There it is again, dude.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm sounding Asian.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, classic Korean guy, man.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What are you talking about?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, there it is. All right. That was white. That was a white guy. That was a white guy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That was white guy doing Asian.

[Adam Ray]

Did you just.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did you just throw a black guy out of a convenience store?

[Adam Ray]

It's not 1992. Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, Alex, we have all of our answers in.

[Alex]

That story belonged to Greg Fitzsimmons.

[Bobby Lee]

Congrats, man. Congrats.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well.

[Big J Okerson]

Greg, what. What year was this?

[Louis J. Gomez]

This was about 10 years ago. And. And John Stamos was on the drum.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, of course he was.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was. It was Bob Saget's 60th birthday party. Rest in peace. And. And it was. I. I'm walking up the driveway with my wife, and I can hear Good Vibrations. And I'm like, all right, they're playing some good music. And. And we get up, and it's the Beach Boys. The Beach Boys in this little living room. And John, Stan, and I think Ben Stiller was, like, playing bass something fucking crazy. And then I got to meet Mike Love at the. At the dessert table. And let's just say don't meet your heroes.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, no.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No. Shit.

[Big J Okerson]

Why? What did he do?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't know. He was. I'm not gonna get into it. I don't know if anybody listens to this podcast.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Bob Saget's a twisted motherfucker. He had the Beach Boys play in the Manson home, the Manson murder house, that they committed those murders, because one of the Beach Boys fucking was like, I'll do your music, all right? Actually, I'm not gonna do your music. And then he went nuts and on a fucking murder spree. And Bob Saget threw his party there.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, his. The guy who produced Full House owned the house. So it was this giant fucking mansion. If you go to the top floor, there was a water slide that went from the guest bedroom through the grotto. There was a fucking gr.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's the key, Greg, I want you to understand that your fingerprints are in a house of pedophilia for sure. All over. Walking down the halls. Fucking touching shit. What's this tiny, tiny butt plug for? What do they make them for children? Ha ha.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They're like, why do you think I was hanging around the dessert table? They love fucking cake.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, where are our points at?

[Alex]

All right after round one, I have Bobby Lee on the board with two points and Greg Fitzsimmons on the board with three points.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Then Bobby goes right back into deep meditation until he has to use his fucking mysticism to bring up his next answer. Damn, I'm already eating.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, guys, let's take a quick moment and thank yo kratom.com for supporting today's story. Wars. What a great company. Supports comedy all over the place. Both podcasts and the marquee sponsors for Skank Fest. If you guys are over 21 years old and in the market for Kratom, we're not saying pick up a Kratom habit. We're saying finish your Kratom habit with your creative dot com.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

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[Big J Okerson]

2.2 pounds of kratom. You have so much kratomore, don't let your kids see.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You could probably buy 2 kilos of it, cut one of them, and start moving that on the streets yourself pretty easily. As long as they're the grandfather of the situation, they're fine. But if you try to cut them out, they'll find you.

[Big J Okerson]

Yocratum.com Home of the $60 kilo. All right, where were we?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Story number two.

[Alex]

Story number two. I once physically defended a woman who a homeless person chased into a Starbucks in downtown Los Angeles.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really?

[Adam Ray]

Fuck you. I hate homeless people.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Prove it, Bobby. I'm surprised the crowd thinks maybe they know the story, but I'm surprised the crowd thinks it's you, because, yeah, if.

[Big J Okerson]

You guys know the stories. Don't call it out, you assholes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, it does ruin it. But I will say I don't know why. That's why they're guessing that. If they're guessing because Ari was. Or Ari constantly physically attacked Bobby for a number of years and won every time. Ari, the brittle Jew.

[Adam Ray]

He's 6 4.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I know, but come on, dude, you know, he's made a fucking skim milk and shit. He's fucking.

[Adam Ray]

I look like a scallop.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

My point being, if you're going down like that, it doesn't strike me as the person maybe you say, hey, someone should help this lady. I don't feel like you fucking ripped the shirt open for the Superman symbol, man, on this one. I think this sounds like a psychopathic Lewis move.

[Big J Okerson]

You mean I'm a fucking hero?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, sure, some people call it that. Some people call it reckless. As a father, I don't care. If I get home to my boy, this damsel's in distress. He'll know his father was a hero.

[Big J Okerson]

See, the one thing about me and Jay is we do Greg F. Again, Bobby says. Greg F. One time.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Greg. Wow, dude. Did you guys see the ghost of a dragon fly right through his chest? And then he knew the answer. He's purely a vessel.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby's currently defending a woman from a homeless man. He saw something in the crowd, pacing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The room, making sure to see if anybody's gonna. All right, sure.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He's looking for trouble. Look at him pacing the room.

[Big J Okerson]

Me and Jay both seek justice at all times. So I can see this. I can see this being you as well, Jay.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Jay, you Seem as like a guy that would defend most people from homeless. You also have like a. You have a big heart. I feel like if you saw a homeless person.

[Big J Okerson]

No, it's an enlarged heart.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I would do this, and I'd already be on my way in a Starbucks for a chai.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think the woman would have assumed that she was being chased by a second home.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, no.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

This nightmare just became worse. Miss, I'm your help.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't know. Bobby Lee, I believe, wrestled in high school. Is that true, Bobby?

[Bobby Lee]

That can't be true. So what was. What was your main move?

[Adam Ray]

I do double, double leg takedown fireman sometimes.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay. Wow. You were a wrestler. Okay.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Kama Sutra moves.

[Adam Ray]

Well, I have hrs. You know what that is? Hidden retard strength.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Nice. I believe that.

[Big J Okerson]

The only thing I'm gonna say is the crowd, like eight people in the crowd, automatically call that Bobby. And I feel like this is a story that he's told on another podcast. And that's why they did that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Can I say this? And I hope they don't do that, if that's what they're doing. Let me tell you something. People forget Greg Fitzsimmons. And by the way, it can be the same person twice. Bobby went for that.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, you can't.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Greg's. Greg is. I know from stories. I've never seen it unleashed, but Greg is a noted lunatic. You've told me some stories. That's what I mean.

[Adam Ray]

I don't know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm sorry.

[Bobby Lee]

What the fuck do you mean, sorry?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Dude, I'll take you over a hundred Whitneys.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I mean, what about the Whitney robot?

[Adam Ray]

Greg did tell me a story. How? I don't know. I want to get into detail, but, you know, you were in a forest and you pushed the guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I thought that was agro. You know what I mean? That's why I picked you on there.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but why was I in the woods?

[Adam Ray]

I don't want to reveal it to the crowd.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Adam Ray]

May I?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't give a fuck.

[Adam Ray]

I'm gonna keep it. Fuckface. I'm sorry. I don't know you. That's my pet. Well, I mean, you wanted to see if you were gay or not.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. So I guess there was a gay forest in Boston. You know, every town has a gay forest. I've been to a couple. You know what I mean? And you went to the gay forest. A guy wandered out of the forest.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Cause you wanted to see if you were gay or not. And then you pushed Him. And that's how you found out you weren't gay.

[Big J Okerson]

It's true.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wow, what an awakening.

[Adam Ray]

Is that true Story, right? I got that right. You told me that 20 years ago. I forgot.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, it's true. It was in Boston. And it wasn't a forest, but there was a collection of trees near Fenway Park.

[Bobby Lee]

It was a kfc.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, every city has a little woods where gay guys blow each other.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, sure.

[Bobby Lee]

Why are you looking at Jay when you said that? You know, the place where you cut down the trees.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So you think Greg defended a homeless woman because once he last minute decided to not be gay? I don't. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I don't know if I agree with the logic.

[Adam Ray]

It makes sense. You'll see. That's right. It's right.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I think the crowd knows something that we don't. And I'm gonna go with my first instinct, so I'm gonna say Bobby Lee has told the story on something.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

We're also forgetting that Adam is a dashing man who does look like he does heroics.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, he's my second choice, but I think it's Greg.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Adam looks like he likes women and hates homeless people, so.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't hate home. I mean, there was a homeless guy that lived outside my place for. I'd say. And I don't say I got to know him personally, but he would start to, like, get nicer to where he'd be like, I'm jerking off now. And I was like. I was like, he's letting me know now. Usually I'd walk by and try to dodge, but then it got to him. I'd say, two, three years in, I was like, I'll walk that way then, you know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But after three years, you're over it.

[Bobby Lee]

After three years. Yeah. Let's see. A homeless guy breastfeeding a stuffed animal two days ago. Okay, so welcome to la. I'm a coffee bean guy over Starbucks.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But I'm gonna keep it, Bobby.

[Bobby Lee]

Keep it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Remember when that guy just, you know.

[Bobby Lee]

What, the guy from the abortion clinic came to support. Bobby, Keep it, Bobby. Keep it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm going with my first instinct. Louis J. Gomez was out here and he had the fucking Justice League.

[Big J Okerson]

I would defend a woman.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I believe you would. That's why I picked you. That's right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I believe.

[Big J Okerson]

But I've never been to downtown LA in my life. That should be known.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Neither of us know what part of town that is.

[Big J Okerson]

I have no idea. I might have been. We might be in downtown la.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

We very well might Be in downtown as we speak. I don't know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I've lived here for 25 years, and I don't know where downtown.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I don't know what it is.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It doesn't exist.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I think that's where that Asian lady disappeared in an elevator. How lame was that documentary?

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, I'm gonna go, because I think he wrestled in high school. I'm going with Bobby.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's fair. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm gonna follow that right up with another Bobby. When he. When he came up and goes, yeah, I used to do the double takedown, double take. I was like, this guy's played street fighter on and off the court.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Adam, don't you dare ever say again you don't do accents Good. I don't want to hear that kind of shit out of you.

[Bobby Lee]

Fair enough.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That was perfect. Every time, Alex.

[Big J Okerson]

All of our stories are in.

[Alex]

That story belonged to Louis J. Gomez.

[Bobby Lee]

Never been to downtown.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, Louis, you were so quiet in that one, too. I should have noticed that. But I got you.

[Big J Okerson]

You did get me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's not much more to the story. It was a piece of shit homeless guy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay. All right.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, he was fucking grimy as fuck, dude. And I watched him. He chased this woman three blocks down the street, and it was toward me, and I was like, well, I guess I have to defend her now. They're coming into my space. And then she went into the Starbucks, and then I stood in front of the door. I was like, dude, you got to leave her alone. He was like, one of those homeless people. Like, he was making no sense.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And I was like, God damn it, I'm gonna get AIDS in my knuckles if I have to punch this fucking guy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The worst kind. Aids.

[Big J Okerson]

So luckily, he just kind of stared at me and wigged out and then didn't go in. And then she came. She was, like, crying, and I was like, hey, do you want to or.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. And that woman was dying hero that you're dreaming of.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. So that was the story. And I just cleaned house on point.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, you didn't clean house.

[Big J Okerson]

I am a story warrior.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Because this guy got you dead to rights. Alex, what do our scores look like?

[Alex]

Okay. On the scoreboard, with two points each, Big J. Okerson and Bobby Lee, and three points each Louis J. Gomez and Greg Fitzsimmons.

[Big J Okerson]

How many points does Adam have?

[Bobby Lee]

How many do I have?

[Alex]

Adam has zero.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, well, all right. That's your opinion. But okay, tomato, tomato. You know what I'm saying? All right, well, it's Early. It's early.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's take a moment and thank Mando for supporting today's show. Mando is.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Whoa. That's right. The Mando vampire is here. And I smell a lot of stinky taints in the room.

[Big J Okerson]

That's true. There are very smelly fans here at Story wars, and I'll tell you right now, if you don't want to smell anymore, you got to get Mando's Total Body deodorant. It's not for armpits anymore. It's for everywhere. Your balls, your grundle, your back, your neck, anywhere you have folds on your body. And they're everywhere on our fans.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Everybody here has sweaty grundles, but they really are great.

[Big J Okerson]

I really mean this. I just exclusively use Mando products at home. They have spray deodorants. They have cream deodorants. They have roll on deodorants. They have the ball. Wipes are my favorite. What?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I know that I am a vampire, so everything is very erotic, but can I smell your grundle to prove to the people it smells great?

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, if it's just to prove to the people, yes. Do not bite my grundle again.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, no.

[Big J Okerson]

He always bites me in places where you can't see the marks.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You've got that juicy hemorrhoid right there waiting for me. Oh, I could taste it as we speak.

[Big J Okerson]

Give it a little whiff. Mando Vampire.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The Mando P. That's good grundle.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I'll tell you right now, you got to check out their starter pack, which includes a solid stick deodorant, a cream deodorant, and two products of your choice. I highly recommend the deodorant wipes and the mini body wash, which is absolutely incredible. They give you free shipping, and we're giving you a special offer.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Ball wipes.

[Big J Okerson]

If you go to shopmando.com right now and use the promo code Warz with a Z. War Z. Warz W A R Z. You get $5 off the starter package.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, no, no. Do it like me.

[Big J Okerson]

Wa R Z Warz.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, no. You got to do it like Imus W A R Z. W A R Z. No. You know what? Let's go meet him.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay. Just right now, go to shopmando.com, use that promo code wars with a Z, and you're gonna get $5 off your starter pack. Be odor free in 2025. All right, where were we?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Alex, story number three.

[Alex]

Story number three. I went to a taping of the Price is Right and rushed the stage to celebrate with a total stranger after he won the Showcase Showdown.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

This. This screams Bobby. Lead him in.

[Adam Ray]

Why?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Because you are excitable.

[Bobby Lee]

You're wily, can't stop.

[Big J Okerson]

You just stormed the crowd to celebrate round two.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You like to take it right to the people, and I appreciate that about you.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Your enthusiasm can't be matched.

[Big J Okerson]

If he writes Greg F. Again.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Bob.

[Big J Okerson]

You don't have to vote first every time.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, talk it out.

[Big J Okerson]

I can see this being Adam as well.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Here's. Can I tell you the important parts of the story, why I think Bobby and not Adam? I understand what you're saying.

[Big J Okerson]

Rushed rush hour. I get what you're going with. Yeah, I understand. No, no, no, it makes sense.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You know what? Point made. No, it's. I don't see Adam so funny.

[Bobby Lee]

It was very good.

[Adam Ray]

Very good.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's the rushing the stage part where it's like they bum rush the stage to go celebrate with a stranger. Seems like a fucking loopy thing that Bobby Lee would do. That's why it's big. I don't think Adam's doing that. Running down. And Greg. No, there's no way. I couldn't see a Price is Right victory bringing you that much joy, man.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I swear, I would never do a stupid game show.

[Adam Ray]

There we go.

[Bobby Lee]

Greg. Greg. Greg. Greg. Greg. Greg. Greg. Greg F. Greg F. Greg F. All right, all right. Have you been. Have you guys been to game shows? They don't have in New York, do they, or. Yeah, do they. Do you have the Internet out there? What's going.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

We had Wendy Williams for a while. Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a game show. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Do we. Do we have game shows in New York? No, I don't think I've ever been to a game show taping.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

If you could go to one, what would you go to? I think the Price is Right might be the one.

[Bobby Lee]

I go to pio. I go to Family Feud. Ones that you feel like there's people getting fucked up and there's a lot of. Yeah, there's Family Feuds always like, you know, they're like, name one thing you drop in the toilet. She's like, yo, kids. And everyone's so supportive. Everyone's always. No one's wrong on the Family Feud.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, I just did the Family Feud and I lost. Oh, I lost Family Feud.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

But you went on it.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So you probably. Yeah. And did you.

[Adam Ray]

I forgot the guy. I was against Funky Fresh or something. Oh, yeah. Fresh and flavorful.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Why'd you.

[Bobby Lee]

You against flavor? Flavor.

[Big J Okerson]

You lost you lost the Flavor Flav in a show where you have to use your mind.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's crazy. You know what?

[Adam Ray]

Okay, okay. So you know what? Steve Hardy. Okay, Steve Hardy. Start Hardy. What's his name?

[Bobby Lee]

Steve Harvey.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Steve Har.

[Big J Okerson]

Steve Hartley. You got it, right.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, I know his name. He has big teeth. Anyway, so he goes to Freddy Fraver. Fraves.

[Big J Okerson]

And look, this guy. This guy's leaving. He's so mad about that story.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Real nice, dude.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, he doesn't have big teeth. He doesn't have big teeth. And so they talk like, that's Flavor.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Flav's brother, Steve Flave.

[Adam Ray]

So Flavor.

[Bobby Lee]

By the way, no one's bummed when a guy with a backpack leaves the room.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Let's just be clear about that. That's goodbye. All right, go ahead.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So Flavor, right before he leaves, he goes, hey, man, would you watch this for me?

[Bobby Lee]

And we never got to hear the rest of the Flavor Flavor Family Feud story. Go ahead, Bobby.

[Adam Ray]

Is it my turn? Yeah. So his intro was 20 minutes long, right? Like, yo, we met in 88. All these stories, right? And so I turned to Andrew Santino. I go, I don't know him. He's not gonna give me a good intro. His intro for me was, something happened to this guy For a whole summer, I was molested by a guy with.

[Bobby Lee]

Down syndrome for a whole summer.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Why was the end of the summer a cutoff? Was it a fling?

[Bobby Lee]

It was a fling.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Summer lovin'yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He touched my wiener when my mom turned around Shoot, bop, bop, beep, bop, boop, skip, bop, bang.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, it does seem I voted Bobby. Both other stories. One of them, I was lying very clearly. But I think this could be Bobby.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm going with Bobby.

[Big J Okerson]

He admits that he's been on a game show.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He was on his game show. He was in the audience and bum rushed the stage to celebrate. Ooh, I'm gonna draw. I'm gonna draw one of those trees that Mr. Miyagi cuts.

[Big J Okerson]

A bonsai tree.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Bonsai tree.

[Bobby Lee]

By the way, did Flavor Flavor have any good answers on Family Feud?

[Adam Ray]

He has a family that knew the answers. Okay, go ahead.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The game was stacked. All the answers were some version of yeah. And, boy.

[Bobby Lee]

Name one thing you bring to a picnic, boy. Survey says, show me, boy. Again, I don't do voices, but what's a good investment?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oversized clocks. Yo, this thing's stacked.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, his Family Feud. How big was his family? Was there a separate auditorium for his kids?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I hope he named him, like the Flavor of Love. Contestants this is my son, g. Mary, with 17 A's.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, I'm gonna go.

[Bobby Lee]

Whitney. Yeah, that feels Whitney as.

[Big J Okerson]

Man.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm going back to my roots. Greg F. I feel like he hasn't said a lot about it, and it's. It feels like. Yeah, it feels like a Greg move now.

[Big J Okerson]

Now I think it's Adam, because that's a retarded guess. Because of his retarded guess. I'm like, fuck, it's Adam.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's the least person I would assume would do this is Greg Fitzsimmons. And God damn it, you got to vote last. And I think you're right.

[Bobby Lee]

Shit.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Adam Ray. Final answer is locked in. Alex.

[Alex]

That was Adam Ray.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Sophomore year of college, Went to school out here. Got real up. If you could take 20 or more people to a taping of the Price Is Right, you're guaranteed one person from contestants row to get called up on stage. And we went on a Tuesday night. This was prime time. Bob Barker was still hosting. RIP. It's 2003, and Bob Barker. And Rod Roddy was the come on down guy. And all the prizes were heightened, right? Normally it's like a dinette set and a pool table. This was like, you know, a trip to Fiji on the opening game and, like, Escalades and. And, you know, toasters that jerky. Everything was. Everything was more expensive and more grand, right?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Nice. $1.

[Bobby Lee]

And so.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So we're in line. There's about 20 of us, right, from college. And they interview you, right? I don't know if you've ever been to a taping. It's the only one I've been to. And you're waiting in line for, like, seven hours before you get into the studio. And they try to get a sense of everyone's enthusiasm. So, like, why. Why do you want to be on the prizes, right? And we'd all, you know, taking weed brownies and been drinking since, like, noon, and it's now, like, you know, six and. And, you know, they remember, they asked me and they're like, why do you want to be on the Price Ride? I was like, oh, because I've been watching the show forever, all right? And. And then my buddy behind me, Jeff Neiman, Little. Little Nebuchad Jew. We call him Squirrel Fetus. And he nice because he was just a tiny little. Like, when he ate, when he was high. Already picture him when he was high and he ate, he would go like this. Anyway, so he gets on the.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They.

[Bobby Lee]

They go, why do you want to be on the Price is Right. And he goes, I'll suck Bob Barker's dick. And they go, okay, not happening. And then they went. And so none of us got. They just moved on from our group because, like, these guys are all up. So we get into the studio, the. By the way, the energy is just fire. It was wild. And. And we get down to the last person to get called up. And they called one person from our group. So we had one chance to get from. Contestants row to the stage, and it was like, I don't know, again, like a trip and a car and a bunch of TVs. And he get into. You know, we're all screaming and we're all up. So he's turning back and we're like, 799.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

7. 789.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, everyone's losing their mind. And then some little Asian woman. Sorry, Bob. Little Asian woman. One dollared our buddy. And we all collectively go, what the. And she got. She went up and our buddy didn't. So I'm sitting there and another bud next to me goes, what a waste of a day. We were waiting for, like, 12 hours, and we didn't get anybody on stage. And then we get to the Showcase showdown, and there was this tiny old woman, she was like 78, and a big black dude named Daron. I don't know why I remember that. And. And he won. And my buddy goes, dude, whoever wins, you should rush the stage for the showcase show, not celebrate with them. And I was like, I mean, I don't know. Let's do it. And. And so Jerome won, and he shoved me out of my seat, and I ran down the aisle. And as I'm running down the aisle, I was like, I've never gotten to, like, come on down. So in my head. So I. I see a lot of people look at me, and I just. So I felt the obligation to, like, celebrate. So I went like that, like, I'll suck two dicks on the way up. And I get to the top of the stairs, and there was a security guard you couldn't see on tv. And she's like, what are you doing? I was like, that's my best friend. And she's like, okay. And I ran past her, and I sat in his Escalade and pretended to drive. And I rubbed his head. And as Bob Barker is like, you know, get your pet spade or neutered. I was sitting behind Bob Barker Blackout, by the way, just going like this. And. And it's on YouTube, I think. So anyway, so when in Rome, you got a yolo. When given the opportunity. RIP Bob Barker.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Alex, what are the scores look like? It's a shake up.

[Alex]

All right. On the scoreboard, with two points each, Big J Okerson and Adam Ray.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank God.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There you go. You're in the books.

[Bobby Lee]

In the books.

[Alex]

With three points, Louis J. Gomez. With four points, Bobby Lee.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Alex]

And in the lead with five points, Greg Fitzsimmons.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Thanks a lot.

[Bobby Lee]

What a day.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

What a day for you, Greg.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Cleaning house.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, let's take a quick moment and thank Lucy for supporting today's show. Lucy is 100% pure nicotine. Always tobacco free. If you guys are into pouches, they really are the best in the business. The Lucy breakers are nicotine pouches with a little extra surprise. Each pouch holds a capsule that can be broken open to release extra flavor and hydration.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, they have all kinds of flavors, I bet. And.

[Big J Okerson]

They have a ton of flavors.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The pouches are the all the rage right now. That's what everybody's into. So, I mean, if you're living that pouch life, and you are, if you're cool, level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. If you go to Lucy Co wars right now and use promo code Warz with a Z. Warz, you're gonna get 20% off your first order.

[Big J Okerson]

W A R Z. W A R.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Z. Lucy also has a 30 day refund policy. If you change your mind. How cool is that? You're not gonna change your mind mind. You're gonna have a problem.

[Big J Okerson]

Now, Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning. This product contains nicotine and nicotine is an addictive chemical. All right, where were we?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Alex, story number four.

[Alex]

Story number four. Me and two other comics got a prostitute we found in Bobby.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Sorry, this is called a Speed round.

[Bobby Lee]

Or J or Jay oj.

[Big J Okerson]

Hold on. Honestly, I. I have this exact story. Can't finish it though.

[Alex]

Me and two other comics got a prostitute we found in LA Weekly. She showed up and ended up being a Mexican dwarf.

[Bobby Lee]

By the way, how do you end up. How do you not know from the get go.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, hold on, hold on.

[Bobby Lee]

I hate dwarves. Louder, into the mic.

[Adam Ray]

Turned off to a dwarf.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, let's go.

[Big J Okerson]

To be fair, when she showed up, she thought that Bobby was a Mexican dwarf.

[Adam Ray]

That hurt, dude. What?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

This is a batshit story.

[Big J Okerson]

It's so obviously Bobby. You just went, what? What?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

First of all, going threesies on a prostitute is wild. She's not giving you all each your own hole. You think you're gonna be that lucky. Well, maybe a Mexican dwarf would. This is a somebody who lives here story. This isn't a visit. And one of the two other people I would do anything like this with is sitting next to me. And I know he didn't have the story here, so. No, you're out of your gut. All right, Louis Gomez Jr. You know what?

[Big J Okerson]

That's the closest that you've gotten to my name, so I'm going to give you that.

[Adam Ray]

I thought his name was Louie Gomo. He did, for like seven years. And every time I would say, hey, what's up, Louie Gomo? And you never corrected me.

[Big J Okerson]

I know. I just would look at you like, how dare you? I mean, I really. The only person this could be is Bobby Lee.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Why?

[Big J Okerson]

Because you're a bad person.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm not. I don't think this makes you a bad person. Big J, you're out of your. Me and two buddies got a prostitute together.

[Big J Okerson]

Not. Not in his la going, if this was in Philly, this easily could be Big J.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All right.

[Big J Okerson]

As a young comic in Philly, you would have split a comic with. Split a prostitute with.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

When you change the setting, it did make more sense, but. Yeah, no, I wish we could hear.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It in his voice, because for most people it would be she showed up and ended up being a Mexican dwarf. And for Bobby, it would be she showed up and ended up being a Mexican dwarf.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Also, you can't write, Ray. It would have been obvious.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby would defend himself, but no can defend.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, when do. Right? No can defend.

[Big J Okerson]

No can defend.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm going by, I voted for Bobby so much that I've been wrong every time.

[Big J Okerson]

But this one, I voted for Bobby every time. This one, this one, three story sounds like Bobby Lane.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, it's insane. It's crazy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Adam. Adam, what are you thinking?

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, I'm a little. I know it's not you. That's what a guy who did it would say. I mean. So me and two other comics got a process. We found an LA weekly. Like, they found her weekly. Like, just by chance or they. I'm confused here.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, I thought that it's a magazine or a newspaper.

[Big J Okerson]

I think so.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, found in la.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I think so.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I thought they were like by chance every other week. Like, that's.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, that was confusion. No, that was confusing. You know, the local arts paper will often. Yeah, yeah. Prostitutes in the back listed.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, okay. Yeah. I didn't know you could get whores there in the back of LA Weekly. So where. Yeah, we can get like an audition for csi. You can also get a blowjob.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What's it like being so handsome I have to explain these things to him?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Pornography is when people have sex on camera for you to watch.

[Bobby Lee]

Very, very, very up to date on that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, is it unanimous?

[Bobby Lee]

I'm going Bobby.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone said Bobby except for Bobby who.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Said Lewis is his illegitimate son. I guess, yeah. Lis Gomez Jr. You said Bobby, Greg.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I did, about five minutes ago.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Everybody's answers are in Alex.

[Alex]

That was Bobby Lee.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Thank you.

[Bobby Lee]

Speech, Speech, Speech, Speech, Speech, speech.

[Adam Ray]

Here's the deal.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Here's the deal.

[Bobby Lee]

Here's the deal.

[Adam Ray]

All right. This is before the Internet. So we had to go to the LA Weekly.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, we had to.

[Adam Ray]

So in the ad, she was a full grown Mexican lady, right? So we, and then she showed up at the one of the hotels down here and she came, she goes, hey, hey, I'm here. You know what I mean? And we're like, what the fuck, you're a dwarf. And her first line is, I'm not gonna fuck you. So then we go, what are you gonna do? She goes, I'm gonna dance, you're gonna jerk off. So we lay on the bed like sardines. So we're laying like sardines and this guy starts jerking off, hoards her. We get up from the bed and we go to the edge of the tape the bed, and we start jerking off. And we both simultaneously came on his legs.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I swore that story was gonna be dot, dot, dot. We sent her away and apologized.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I didn't realize a Mexican dwarf boss you guys around sexually for an hour and made you almost essentially commit gay acts.

[Bobby Lee]

No, that's a hell of a. I.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Feel a lot better about my little walk in the park in Boston.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, you just had to sort some out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I didn't come.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Alex, the scores.

[Alex]

In last place, I have a three way tie with four points each. Big J Okerson, Adam Ray and Bobby Lee. In second place, Louis J. Gomez with five points. And in the lead with seven points, Greg Fitzsimmons.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Feels pretty good. Feels pretty good.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

By the way, I really kind of respect that. This Mexican dwarf walks in and sees three dudes, he goes, I'm not gonna.

[Adam Ray]

Ya, but I'll do a sudoku and dance for you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, I'm just, I. I'm just Mexican dwarf eye candy for you to whack off to.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And he said she was a full grown Mexican dwarf. Isn't. Isn't a full grown Mexican a dwarf?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, I think legally.

[Adam Ray]

That's a good point.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a great joke.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I think legally. And at amusement parks.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

We're at our halftime portion of the show, which means we do some quick plugs. Bobby, what are you plugging real quick?

[Adam Ray]

Oh, I guess Bad friends.

[Big J Okerson]

Hell yeah. Bad friends. Great show.

[Bobby Lee]

Adam. Doing stand up all over the country. Adamraycomy.com got a big Dr. Phil live theater tour all over the country and here at the Comedy Store, come see it. Yeah. Yeah, baby.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Mr. Fitzsimmons, Atlanta, Boston, Toronto. And the special's called you know me on YouTube.

[Bobby Lee]

Hell yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Very cool.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Big J, if you're listening to this right now, I believe the first half of my double crowd work special is out right now on YouTube. Them 1/2 of them, they listen, tell your friends, share it, blah, blah, blah, algorithms. And go to bigjaycomedy.com for all my dates.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. Come see me on tour. The Bring Five Friends tour. Coming to a city near you. Bring Five Friends, please. And go to LewisofSkanks.com Sign up for all my podcasts and obviously subscribe to Gas Digital. If you love the show, we do an uncensored ad free version with free Release. Go to gas digital.com, use the promo code WAR and you save a buck 50amonth. Hell yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And of course, right here on Gas Digital is the legendary legion of skanks.

[Big J Okerson]

I should say Skank Fest. Tickets on sale May 2nd. So don't. We're going to New Orleans for the first time ever. So grab those tickets on May 2nd. It's going to be a goddamn blast.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Now, everybody, I want you to keep your eyes on the prize. That prize, by the way. Drama on deck. Relationships can be hard. As Brianne delves deeper into ship life, she uncovers a darker reality beneath the surface, compelling her to confront personal demons and redefine her desires.

[Bobby Lee]

Somebody has to.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Now, Bobby, Adam, myself here, bottom of the pile. We're fighting for last.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And it could seem like an impossible hill to climb.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, not. It's two points, Jay.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah. Unsurmountable. But it's anyone's game because we hear story wars, the final four stories. Double points.

[Adam Ray]

Hey, hey. The black guy came back.

[Big J Okerson]

Two points.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He came back for.

[Big J Okerson]

That's rules.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Hell yeah. The people spoken.

[Big J Okerson]

People love. Double points.

[Bobby Lee]

People love. Oh, my God.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The people have spoken. And if it's not clear, it seems like we're just doing a little routine here. I'll tell you guys. What it was, was before, when you fooled somebody, you received one point, and if you guessed the right story, you got two points. But now, really explaining this, it's double points.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. And I'm so sorry to do this, but just for extra clarification, so we guessed the story, right? The first time it was two points. Right? And this time, it's going to be four points, which, if you do the math, that's double points.

[Adam Ray]

That was so embarrassing. Oh, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

So just so you know, you have to be a story warrior in order to trigger. Trigger double points.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I respect that. Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

But if you win, you become a story warrior.

[Bobby Lee]

It doesn't matter anymore. Yeah, I don't give a. I'm just happy to hang out with my buds. But I didn't know we were still in high school. You're right. Cool, man. You can't say the phrase unless you were a warrior, you Jew. You didn't say that, but it was implied. All right, what's the next story? Alex, that was.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Lewis didn't imply that.

[Bobby Lee]

By the way. I wish everyone could feel what I felt in that moment. Watching you guys look at me knowing good and well that they weren't going to applaud was so demoralizing in a level in a way that I can't explain. Explain. But guess what, dude? It's like. It's like going up in a new room. Your buddy's like, dude, I started a comedy show at this deli. And you're like, nah, I don't really want to. Come on, you. Yo, me one, man. I find my headliner bailed, you go, all right, I'll do it. And then you bomb and you go, I shouldn't have done it. That's what that.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, as it was happening, I got to be honest with you, I started to feel bad.

[Bobby Lee]

No, but that's.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, it's like watching your friend.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex.

[Bobby Lee]

Alex. What do we got, Alex?

[Big J Okerson]

Story number five.

[Alex]

Story number five. I opened for a band at the Key Club one night. They hated me from the start. I was eventually asked to leave by the show's producers. Quote, without making a scene, please.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I mean.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I don't make sense.

[Big J Okerson]

What is the. What is the Key Club?

[Adam Ray]

Oh, oh, oh, wow, wow, wow, wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Doesn't feel so good, does it?

[Adam Ray]

Thank you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's a concert. It's a concert venue.

[Bobby Lee]

You're not the man now. Duh.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I'm saying, is it. Is it a rock club?

[Adam Ray]

Shut up, dude. Okay, this is exactly what it is, you piece of.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I just don't know if Lewis opened for bands ever.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I know Jay specifically open for bands. That's why I want to know if the T Club is a rock club.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, yeah, it is, but I didn't know on my tour the tours I did with bands were not the Key Club.

[Big J Okerson]

What is the Key Club? What is it? Does nobody know?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It doesn't exist anymore. This I don't know if any. Greg, have you ever opened for bands before?

[Big J Okerson]

Big J, by the way, Big J is a liar. I'm watching his bad acting right now. Look at it. Look at it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What are my actions supposed to be? Vote for me quick and put it in. Lock it in.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And then he tries to turn.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm gonna lock it in because I know this is Big J. I can tell. I know when Big J's lying.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Lock it in quick.

[Big J Okerson]

Here we go. It's done.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Everybody else follows suit.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Uh oh, Big J. Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

It is a Big J. Wow.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I have to say, because you flipped it on, suddenly you were curious if I ever opened for a band.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, like.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like you were Byron Allen on that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Horrible talk show Big J Comics Unleashed.

[Big J Okerson]

You notoriously opened up for multiple bands. Specifically Korn and I don't want the Key Club.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

We're all locked in here. I didn't.

[Big J Okerson]

I guess. I guess you're right, Alex. We're all locked in.

[Alex]

That story belonged to Big J Okerson.

[Bobby Lee]

Damn it.

[Big J Okerson]

Was it Corn?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Steel Panther. Oh, you picked Lewis at the Key Club. And I. They did an episode of Z Rock. This is years and years ago. They were on an episode of Z Rock, a show that I was on. They were like, oh, dude, you do comedy if you come out to the Key Club. We do like a. Like a residency all the time. All these celebrities show up and they go youo got to come hang out. It's like the, you know, Steel Panthers. Like a fake, I guess. A fake real metal band. Yeah, they're great. I think they're fucking awesome.

[Big J Okerson]

They did Skank Fest Houston.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, I love those guys, but they're like, come do the Key Club. And they were getting their shit together and they. It was just very unceremonious. I walked in, they were like, oh. I was like, yeah. They said they wanted me to go on. They were like, oh, yeah. I guess, you know, you can kind of go on now. And they put me on in front of a crowd that was coming in and not interested. And I'm making fun of them. I'm trying to like, crowd work them as they're coming in, like, oh, you here for fake heavy metal. Like, you're a fake piece of shit. Like, they're just. They were so furious and I didn't get. I think I called them all gay. And I was just like. I'm like, you guys. Fuck you guys. And then when I came off stage, I was like, hey, sorry, that went bad. I'm pretty excited, though, because the celebrities are gonna come sing with them. They go. If you could just go would be better. I was like, I can't even watch them backstage. Like, no, you definitely can't be backstage. And I wouldn't go out front because I made fun of all of them. So, yeah, they asked me to leave without a scene and they let me out the back. For a comedy metal band, what sort.

[Bobby Lee]

Of scene do they think you were capable of making?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I don't know, just fucking run out with like a thousand bandanas and stuff like that. Like. Like a Navajo chief. That's my scalps. All your fucking microphone neckerchiefs.

[Big J Okerson]

Whoa.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What?

[Bobby Lee]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is ls, man. This is L la, man.

[Big J Okerson]

We don't do that here, dude.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No necker chips in this part of town.

[Big J Okerson]

You got to go to downtown LA for $30 ticket.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's. It's. It's Necro Chip.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, Greg Fit.

[Bobby Lee]

That's at Greg Fit Simmons on Instagram, man. Great joke. One more time for Greg Fit Simmons. Never misses.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, where are our points at? After, after? Double points.

[Bobby Lee]

Not that cool. Not that cool. Not that cool. To be honest with you. It's very cool. I'm very jealous.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's very cool because there's a number of women towards the front with low cut shirts with large breasts. So every time you do it, I get very excited.

[Bobby Lee]

And a handful of dudes, too, with low cut shirts with bouncing titties. All right, what do we got, Alex? If I. If I can't be a part of the chant, let me at least throw to you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Alex, what are our scores?

[Alex]

Tied for last place, with four points each, Adam Ray and Bobby Lee.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, okay.

[Alex]

In third place with eight points, Big J Okerson. In second place with nine points, Luis J. Gomez. And in the lead with 11 points, Greg Fitzsimmons.

[Big J Okerson]

He is one step closer to Drama on Deck Greg.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The novel offers a vivid portrayal of onboard culture, including crew parties, unconventional ship rules and relationships formed convenience providing readers with an engaging and unexpected maritime journey. Do it for the kids. Hey, Story wars is usually about fun and Games, guys. But for a second, can we talk about health insurance and how it's just broken? Premiums are increasing, deductibles getting larger. Claims denials are becoming more common. The headaches of health insurance is exactly why crowd health was created.

[Big J Okerson]

Crowdhealth gives their members the freedom to efficiently and affordably break free from the antiquated insurance system and into a healthcare option that best fits your needs. Insurance companies will not give you the peace of mind you need. And crowd health does. That's why your $50 a month membership includes the tools and services you need to get the highest quality health care. You'll get access to telemedicine, visits, discounted prescriptions, and so much more without doctors networks messing things up. Plus, you'll have access to your own personal care advocate who will help you navigate the complexities of health events and even negotiate bills on your behalf. And of course, you'll join the crowd, a group of members just like you who want to help pay for each other's unexpected medical event.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Power to the people. It's time to hop out of restrictive health insurance plans and let crowd health help fit your healthcare needs. Get started today for only 50amonth. Go to joincrowdhealth.com warzwithaz waarz I feel like I'm saying just like you are, to get the health care that you deserve. Crowd health is not insurance.

[Big J Okerson]

Learn [e-mail] that's joincrowdhealth.com Warz all right, where were we?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What story are we on?

[Big J Okerson]

Six.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Alex. Story number six.

[Alex]

Story number six. I had two different women meet me at a popular Los Angeles comedy club, and I went back and forth between them, hoping that they wouldn't catch me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really? I thought this was Lewis, like a.

[Big J Okerson]

It's Jay. And it's his wife and his current girlfriend.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They met Greg F. No, no.

[Big J Okerson]

Greg's been married for a while.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Young Greg the player. Yeah, this could. This sounds like Gomo, but I think Lewis. I don't know if Lewis would. Would Dick brag this in a story.

[Bobby Lee]

It's.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's so obviously Louis.

[Adam Ray]

It's Gomo.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's probably not Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I've had this exact scenario happen multiple times in my life. Yeah, but, I mean, Adam is very handsome.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He is.

[Bobby Lee]

It doesn't mean anything. You sound like my mom's Jewish friends.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I could. I could see this being Adam very easily.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I do think this is Adam.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, but, you know, Adam's a married man. I don't think he Would reveal this story.

[Big J Okerson]

Adam, are you married? How long you been married?

[Bobby Lee]

Three years.

[Adam Ray]

And he's happy.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's a beautiful woman. That's Adam.

[Adam Ray]

He would not reveal the story.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You were doing comedy for how many?

[Bobby Lee]

Say it again.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

37 years. Comedy. No. You're married three years, but you've been doing comedy for how many years?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, almost 19.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

This is 100% handsome, man.

[Big J Okerson]

This is an LA.

[Bobby Lee]

How much is this round worth?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I don't know.

[Adam Ray]

Guys, guys. Okay, okay.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Ah, Lewis got so excited when I. It's Lou it now.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah. I'm going Louie Gomo, man for the win. Circle gets a square final answer.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, you can't look at mine.

[Bobby Lee]

Bobby, what'd you put?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I put Lewis.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I trust Greg. I trust Greg F. Alex.

[Big J Okerson]

All of our answers are in.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Louis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay was the first person who said it was me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It was so obviously, it was right.

[Big J Okerson]

Here at the Comedy Store.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Of course, I was probably there too.

[Big J Okerson]

It was. It was. It was for sure. Legion of Skank show. And I had two different girls show up. And I remember there's a blonde girl and a brunette, and I had them in opposite sides of the room, and I was trying to talk to both of them. I literally had them both meet me. And then I remember this was some brilliant thinking. After a while, I was like, fuck, I'm gonna get caught here. So I went to the brunette, I said, hey, listen, my agent's here. She's this blonde woman over there. I gotta spend some time talking to her.

[Bobby Lee]

Whoa, not bad.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't have a fucking agent. And. And I was like, but I'll meet with you afterwards. And then I went. I banged the blonde. And then later on that night, I met up with the brunette and banged her.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And that's how everybody got aids.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Was it. Was there a shower involved in.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Squirt shower.

[Big J Okerson]

Classic Louis Shay, by the way.

[Bobby Lee]

Classic Louie. This is the same guy that goes, keep it, Bobby. Keep it. Catchphrase Carl over here. I hope they tell that story in years to come, Louis, because there's a lot of history here at the store. There's like, Kinison, man, and prior to this special. And Louis J. Go trip. Two dumb girls, man. And one of them stupid. I think he was lying about one of them, but he definitely hung out with them. You know, by the way, there's a.

[Big J Okerson]

Chance they're both in the room right now. I gotta be honest with you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's all of them you've left Here and a lot of people. All right, Alex, what do the scores look like? All right, most did pretty good there.

[Alex]

With eight points each. Big J, Adam and Bobby with 11 points. Luis J. Gomez and in the lead with 15 points.

[Big J Okerson]

He's pulling away.

[Alex]

Fitzimmons.

[Big J Okerson]

He's pulling away.

[Bobby Lee]

This is the night everything turns around.

[Adam Ray]

It's. It's pointless.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

This could be the night.

[Adam Ray]

Let's end the game now. It's pointless.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, we can't win. You absolutely can win.

[Big J Okerson]

You win. Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

There's one more. Oh, there's two more left.

[Big J Okerson]

You can get eight points if it's your story.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, Go, go, go, Bobby.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The game's available for everybody. Thanks. And solely part two, double points.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, if you guys could just drop checks right now, that'd be great.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really pull them away at the most critical time. Alex, story number seven.

[Alex]

Get a shot of you taking this Story number seven. I was recognized while eating a chocolate Bobby.

[Bobby Lee]

Yep, very famous.

[Alex]

I was recognized while eating a chocolate dipped frozen banana and got invited to a sex party.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God.

[Alex]

Then I was criticized at the party for continuing to eat the banana erotically.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I concur. Insanity. What's happening?

[Big J Okerson]

Who's getting recognized here? I mean, Bobby's extremely recognizable.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I couldn't imagine the sight of me chugging a chocolate dipped frozen banana would have. Somebody goes, we should have this guy to the sex party. Oh, look at him go.

[Big J Okerson]

Big Big J doesn't eat fruits.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I eat chocolate fruits. I told you, I'll eat any chocolate fruit. And also, where do you get recognized eating a child? It goes, hey, you're eating that banana. I'm bringing you to the party. And you can. Why did you. I don't know who it is. I'm assuming.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know why Big J's stuttering so much. God damn it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, Louis, you know me at all. You think I'd go to a sex party and then continue to eat a banana erotically? That strikes you as like something I would do. I'm that comfortable of a guy.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I don't think you would. That's not Big J's type of funny. He's not going to eat a banana or. Erotically, he'd shove it up his ass. Erotically, yes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

If you're gonna put on a show, put on a show.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, that. That's how the banana got chocolate dipped.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Is that a Judy Bloom book?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Potassium is potassium. I don't get cramps.

[Bobby Lee]

These are the recognized stories that you don't want, by the way, because there's the stories where it's like I got recognized in a coffee shop and got put in a Spielberg movie. But this is like some creepy guy was like, hey, kid. Like, the way you're sucking that banana.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

To come back to Silver Lake and do it again for strangers.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really working that banana over, giving it the business.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Get your commercial agent. I'm going. Paulie Shore.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Just feels like a Hollywood story that's got Polly written all over it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm just nugging on a banana.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm wheezing on some chocolate fruit.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, J, that was fucking good. Oh, it's real good, man.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I do that. And a sick Josh. Adam Myers. You think it was me? You think I'm eating a banana at a sex party? How dare you? This definitely isn't Louis. This is.

[Big J Okerson]

I will say that is my type of humor, though, to erotically eat a chocolate dip banana. That's hilarious.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I just would have heard moments after this happened when you came out and you go, dude, I was eating a banana and got to play the sex party. It was crazy. I. Two chicks. I told one of them there was an agent. I'm super into agent play now. I'm gonna go. This is Bobby. You know, Bobby said, me so fast. This is.

[Big J Okerson]

But Bobby votes right away before any conversation is.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I know, but Bobby loves chocolate dip bananas. He loves sex parties, and he loves do things.

[Adam Ray]

Dude, I wasn't even invited to Andrew Santino's wedding. I don't get invited to shit.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's different.

[Adam Ray]

That is true.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He's a friend, not a fan.

[Big J Okerson]

Adam, we need a real vote from you.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, shit. All right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, that makes me feel. It's completely Adam.

[Big J Okerson]

It could be Adam.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You want it to be Big J, but it's not Big J.

[Bobby Lee]

Final answer.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Sucker.

[Bobby Lee]

Big J feels like a cool. That's a cool move, man. I feel like you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You know, I feel like you were whoever that casting agent was or whoever. Whoever that.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like it's Adam now. God damn it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's Adam. I think it's Adam.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Split. I'm split on Adam. But in the end.

[Bobby Lee]

In the end, let it be known that Greg's delivery of the answer is also the best tonight.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Fantastic.

[Bobby Lee]

But in the end, there can only be one frozen dip. Blowjob. Sucker.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Alex. Everyone's answers are in.

[Alex]

That was Bobby Lee.

[Adam Ray]

I love bananas. All right, so I bombed in the belly room once, so I went to Carney's, I got a chocolate dip banana, and I was walking back in front of the Hyatt this used to be a Hyatt. There was like, 300 people all dressed in white, and they all recognized me. This is when I was on MADtv. And they go, we have a sex club. You come upstairs. I go, I'm in a relationship. I don't know, you know? So I went up there and.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's good. Yeah, you got it.

[Adam Ray]

There's all these, like, little rooms, right? And I was sitting on a couch, and I was, like, sucking on this thing. And there was a black guy and he's getting blown by this girl. And we locked eyes, and I feverishly sucked on it. I don't know why. It was so delicious.

[Big J Okerson]

I went, ugh.

[Adam Ray]

Like that?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

And he goes, yo.

[Bobby Lee]

Right?

[Adam Ray]

And then they kicked me out of the party.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You were asked to leave without making a scene? I've been there.

[Bobby Lee]

You're making a scene. Wait, did the yo sound like he was like, yo, stop, or yo, just don't look at me? But you can keep doing it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yo, that can suck a banana.

[Bobby Lee]

What if he's like, yo, are you on MAD tv? Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wow, that's a wild one. Alex, the scores.

[Adam Ray]

Thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

Greg is really pulling away.

[Alex]

In last place, with eight points, Adam Ray.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, it's all good.

[Bobby Lee]

It's all good.

[Alex]

10 points. Bobby Lee with 12 points, Big J Okerson with 15 points, Lucy Luis J. Gomez. And in the lead with 19 points, Greg Fitzsimmons.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wow. It's not a done deal yet because there is still our final story of the game. Alex. Story number eight.

[Alex]

Story number eight. Robin Williams heckled me from the audience at the Comedy Store. I on him, the crowd laughed, and two months later, he committed suicide.

[Big J Okerson]

And by the way, I know for a fact Big J has a story of Robin Williams heckling him at the Comedy Cellar. That actually happened. I know for a fact. But it was the seller.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait, have you told us before? Is this, like, you know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, yeah. He was a. It was like.

[Big J Okerson]

And it was years.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It was years before it was his major relapse. He came in later. He came in with, I think, the nanny. He was. And this is way before he committed suicide, but he came in with this girl and got obliterated and was, like, heckling my set. And it was at a time where I wasn't prepared. I was, like, intimidated by the situation. And I eventually had a semi, like, break moment and was just like, I'm not fucking Billy Crystal or Whoopi Goldberg, motherfucker. We don't have it back and forth. I was just panicked. And then it was. It was weird. And then they had to put. They had to place him in a cab, he was so drunk. And then a couple years later, we did a scene on the show Louie together, and he didn't remember it, and I didn't bring it up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Until now.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Until now.

[Bobby Lee]

Holy shit.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But I waited until I shit on him and made him kill himself.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I mean, this. This has. I never realized how mean Greg was until tonight. And this seems like this is like. Like Greg would brag about Robin Williams killing himself months after he shit on.

[Bobby Lee]

You've been so nice to me.

[Big J Okerson]

Look at his face. He's so happy thinking about it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I love Robin Williams. I would not. No, I would. No, I have a lot of respect for Robin Williams.

[Adam Ray]

Also, Adam was not getting a lot of spots then, so I don't think it would be him.

[Big J Okerson]

Right.

[Adam Ray]

And also, that's a really well written thing. Definitely not Adam. Yeah, no, it's definitely Greg.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I think I really want to believe that you were part of the. Part of the note, Greg. The fucking note he left, which I assume was one big run on sentence that I couldn't understand. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Oh, so lonely, oh oh, so lonely oh I can't find any peace no solace in the world oh, the whole world's turning crazy on oh, Robin. This reeks of Gregory of Fitzsimons.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, it's. If it's Greg's story, no one can win. I'm gonna be so annoyed. God damn it. And I think it's Greg's story. Greg, was this you? No, I believe him.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Fuck. There you have it. One thing he won't do is lie.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was not me.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby, was it you? Yeah. This is. I'm gonna go with my instincts. Greg Fitzsimmons. He probably. He probably walked away with this whole thing.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Now, honestly, I think this is up, and it was not me. And whoever did this is kind of a up person.

[Bobby Lee]

Oof. That's. I don't believe that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I would. You don't believe this?

[Bobby Lee]

You're such a nice guy. I feel like this might be you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm telling you, he's got the rage of a thousand lions living with him at all times. Jason, for his family. Bobby's getting cold. You think Robin Williams heckled me on two coasts. We would have had a fist fight at that point. I'm like, what are you following me? It's like Jaws 4 following the. The Bahamas. Leave me alone.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, you do feel like you would do some, like, weird Mor and Mindy joke. And he'd be in the back and back.

[Adam Ray]

Huh You.

[Bobby Lee]

And then you'd say something back.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All right, I think I'm sticking with Greg.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm going Bobby on this one. Robin was in at the Comedy Store a lot. Bobby's here all the time just ripping it up.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And I feel like Bobby killed Robin Williams.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, that's not what I was going to say, but that's not at all what I'm saying. But what I'm saying is I just feel like they were in the same room at the same time. How many points is this round worth? I think. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm gonna go. Bobby.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Greg. Oh, this is Whitney.

[Adam Ray]

Fuck.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, nice. He wrote it all. Sexy. All the final answers are in. Alex.

[Alex]

That was Greg Fitzenberg.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I looked you right in the eye. Right in the eye.

[Bobby Lee]

I chose to go that way. No way.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah. It was a dark time. He had fallen for both of us, by the way. He. He fell off the wagon and he came in and he'd been coming around like there were. People talked about how he'd been drinking in the clubs. And then I'm on stage one night and I'm fucking. I was dying a horrible death because he was in the audience and I was intimidated, you know, and, you know, sometimes there's a comic that's that big in the crowd and you just get in your own head. And then all said, he started heckling me, and I. All of a sudden it just flipped. And all of a sudden I was like, this guy, and I just annihilated him. I was making Mork and Mindy jokes and, like, what you said. And then. And then after the show, he came up and he just gave me this big hug. And then I. And then he killed himself.

[Adam Ray]

It was his last hug.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Ray]

The last hug.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And that's when you. He hugged you and you whispered in his ear no one would miss you. You're gonna die.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, make it official here. I think I know who won already, but give us the final scores.

[Alex]

All right, the final scores. Adam Ray with eight points.

[Bobby Lee]

Respectable. Respectable.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Respectable.

[Bobby Lee]

First time.

[Alex]

Bobby Lee up next with 14 points.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's not bad. Not bad.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Good showing.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a good score. That's a good score.

[Alex]

Big J. Okerson with 16 points. Luis J. Gomez with 19 points. And your winner with 21 points, Greg Fitzsimmons.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Greg Fitzsimmons. You get to take home drama on deck. Relationships can be hard. By B. Joseph Smithson. Everybody here is gonna sign it for you. You take this home. And now, Greg, if you'd like, for the first time, to use your powers and say the phrase that pays.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Pays double. I don't even pay attention. What is it? Double points.

[Bobby Lee]

You have no idea how good that felt.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, I hope this thing's laminated.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I want to thank you so much, everybody. On our panel. Make some noise for the great Bobby Lee Adam Ray. Our newest story, warrior Greg Fitzsimmons. He joined ruins the wall. I'm Big J Okerson.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm the Puerto Rican rattlesnake, Louis Shay Gomez.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

We'll catch you guys. Thank you. LA thank you for showing up. We'll see you.