031. Sam Roberts, Cipha Sounds, & Mike Cannon | Music

Summary

Story Warz Episode 031: Sam Roberts, Cipha Sounds, & Mike Cannon | Music

Released on March 7, 2025 by GaS Digital Network

Welcome to Story Warz: A Game of Deceptive Storytelling, hosted by comedians Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez. In Episode 031, titled "Sam Roberts, Cipha Sounds, & Mike Cannon | Music," the hosts welcome three esteemed panelists—Sam Roberts, Cipha Sounds, and Mike Cannon—for an evening filled with hilarious anecdotes, sharp-witted banter, and intense rounds of deception centered around the theme of music. Filmed live at The Stand Comedy Club in New York City, this episode promises laughter, clever storytelling, and competitive spirit.

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Introduction and Panelist Introduction (00:00 - 02:35)

The episode kicks off with Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez welcoming the audience and introducing the panelists:

• Sam Roberts: Known from the WWE, the Sam Roberts show on SiriusXM, and the "Not Sam Wrestling" podcast.
• Cipha Sounds: A legendary DJ and host of the "One EP Is Life" podcast alongside Peter Rosenberg.
• Mike Cannon: Recognized for his work on the "Beautiful Boys" podcast and his YouTube channel "Special Traumatized Animal."

Big Jay notes, “Mike Cannon being the only returning panelist here tonight. Yeah, Mike can. Last time he was here, he got second place, so he wants to come back and redeem himself” (02:24). The hosts briefly explain the rules of Story Warz: each panelist submits stories on the given subject—in this case, music. As stories are read aloud, participants must either guess the true author or deceive others about the story's origin to earn points.

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Round 1: Music Teacher Mayhem (04:33 - 11:45)

Story Number One centers on a tumultuous experience with a music teacher:

• Alex (Producer) reads: “I had a music teacher who insulted us like the guy from Whiplash. But instead of turning into a great musician, my mom complained to the school and had me taken out of the class.” (04:33)

The panelists explode into humorous speculation:

• Big Jay Oakerson jokes, “If that doesn't have Sam Roberts written.” (04:48)

• Sam Roberts humorously defends his position, saying, “But I was immediately accused by both of you.” (05:34)

The discussion delves into the behaviors of music teachers and parental interventions. Ultimately, Cypher Sounds correctly identifies the story as Sam Roberts', earning him two points: “Story number one belongs to Sam Roberts.” (10:04). Sam cleverly notes he fooled the others: “Because they all voted for someone else. I fooled.” (12:04).

Notable Quote:

“It's my mom. Mrs. Roberts always wins and she is combative and aggressive.” — Sam Roberts (07:21)

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Round 2: Chorus Chaos (14:33 - 23:10)

Story Number Two involves a chaotic incident during chorus rehearsal:

• Alex shares: “During a seventh grade chorus rehearsal, I convinced my friend to pinch an older girl's butt. As soon as he did, I turned around and told another friend. My two friends got into one of the most vicious fights in my school's history involving a screwdriver. They got suspended and I never got in trouble.” (14:33)

The panelists debate the authenticity based on behaviors and affiliations:

• Lewis J. Gomez asserts, “I believe that I'm just going with my initial instinct, which was Mr. Big J Okerson is my vote.” (08:19)

• Sam Roberts contends, “What happened? Why don't you complain?” (10:17)

Ultimately, Alex confirms the story belongs to Mike Cannon, who adeptly bluffs to accumulate points: “The story belongs to Mike Cannon.” (19:05). This round highlights the competitive edge of the panelists and their strategic guessing.

Notable Quote:

“It was the only time I've ever done that because of what happened as a result.” — Big Jay Oakerson (20:56)

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Round 3: Concert Heartbreak (23:16 - 32:11)

Story Number Three revolves around missing out on a Madonna concert:

• Alex narrates: “My mom took my sibling to see Madonna when I was a kid, and I stayed home crying because I wasn't invited.” (23:16)

The panelists reflect on their musical histories and emotional experiences:

• Cypher Sounds speculates it might be Sam Roberts due to his history with pop stars: “I think it's Sam Roberts because it's so obvious.” (50:17)

• Lewis J. Gomez argues against others, emphasizing device strategies in the game: “Mr. Big J Okerson is my vote.” (24:49)

In the end, Cypher Sounds unveils the story as his own, earning him robust points: “That story belongs to Cypha Sound.” (55:20). Sam's strategic gameplay keeps him in the lead, accumulating significant points through deception.

Notable Quote:

“I have two siblings.” — Sam Roberts (23:39)

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Round 4: Crying at a Train Concert (33:20 - 44:22)

Story Number Four describes an emotional experience at a Train concert:

• Alex states: “I cried at a train concert.” (33:20)

The simplicity of the story leads to diverse interpretations:

• Lee J. Gomez and Mike Cannon debate whether it references the band Train or metaphorical elements.

• Cypher Sounds reveals his genuine experience, confirming the story belongs to him: “I sat, like, 10th row and was. Fell to pieces completely.” (41:44), thus gaining additional points.

The round underscores the panelists' deep knowledge of music and personal connections, enhancing the competitive atmosphere.

Notable Quote:

“Drops of Jupiter rips.” — Lewis J. Gomez (41:21)

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Round 5: Robbing a Music Store (67:21 - 83:56)

Story Number Seven (as per numbering in the transcript) details a misguided attempt to rob a music store:

• Alex reveals: “I once robbed a music store with a friend's older brother who was a convicted felon.” (68:56)

The panelists engage in a mix of serious and humorous discussions:

• Cypher Sounds shares the backstory and details of the robbery spree, emphasizing the absurdity of the plan: “He was looking around the store, trying guitars and stuff.” (72:49)

• Mike Cannon tries to discern the authenticity, ultimately leading to the revelation that the story belongs to Big Jay Oakerson: “That story belongs to Big J.” (79:50)

This round amplifies the show's comedic elements, blending intense story analysis with lighthearted interactions.

Notable Quote:

“I'm trying to think of how he affected anyone else's life.” — Lewis J. Gomez (72:15)

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Round 6: Trumpet Lessons Termination (62:05 - 73:00)

Story Number Six recounts quitting trumpet lessons due to a teacher's distracting features:

• Alex delivers: “I quit taking trumpet lessons in elementary school because my teacher's nose was distractingly large. My mom was upset until she saw the teacher, then she understood.” (62:05)

The panelists dissect the story's nuances:

• Cypher Sounds points out the racially charged undertones: “It's actually racist. The teacher's nose was like the width of his face.” (66:42)

• Sam Roberts questions the plausibility based on the panelist’s history: “Did you ever play the trumpet?” (63:40)

Ultimately, Alex confirms the story belongs to Big Jay Oakerson, who humorously laments his exaggerated narrative: “This lacks the conviction of the Jay Z one.” (71:54). Jay’s storytelling prowess continues to dominate the game, accumulating points steadily.

Notable Quote:

“It was a per. It was. And I just honestly, like, as a 10-year-old kid, I couldn't get past it.” — Big Jay Oakerson (66:48)

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Round 7: Almost Hooking Up with a Cheetah Girl (76:13 - 84:49)

Story Number Eight involves an almost romantic encounter with a member of the Cheetah Girls:

• Alex recounts: “I almost hooked up with one of the Cheetah Girls, the one that started a tween workout DVD series.” (76:13)

The panelists navigate cultural references and personal experiences:

• Mike Cannon claims familiarity with the Cheetah Girls from his DJ days: “She had like a DVD and it was like, you know, little girl workout.” (80:57)

• Cypher Sounds humorously distinguishes between the fictional and real aspects: “I'm just giving you now, for argument's sake, to say definitely over 18.” (80:48)

Eventually, Alex confirms the story as Cypher Sounds', who skillfully deceives the panel to secure additional points: “That story belongs to Cypha sound.” (79:50). This final round emphasizes the competitive tension, with Sam Roberts maintaining a lead through strategic gameplay.

Notable Quote:

“I once told Jay Z that I was going to do great things because of you.” — Sam Roberts (50:17)

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Final Scores and Conclusion (44:22 - 85:23)

Throughout the episode, the competition intensifies as panelists vie for the highest score by correctly guessing stories or successfully deceiving others. By Episode’s End:

• Sam Roberts emerges as the winner with 15 points, securing the prize: "Autonomy. The Quest to Build the Driverless Car and How it Will Reshape Our World" by Lawrence D. Burns. (83:56).

• Cypher Sounds follows closely with 14 points.

• Lewis J. Gomez and Mike Cannon round out the scores with 13 and 9 points respectively.

• Big Jay Oakerson and Cipha Sounds secure positions with 19 and 8 points due to strategic plays and successful deception.

Sam Roberts celebrates his victory, exclaiming, “Thank God for double points.” (84:23), highlighting the pivotal moments where the game’s double-point feature shifted the leaderboard. The hosts congratulate all participants, emphasizing the entertaining and unpredictable nature of Story Warz.

Final Notable Quote:

“Autonomy offers an insider's perspective on the development of autonomous vehicles and their potential to revolutionize transportation.” — Cypher Sounds (44:36)

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Key Takeaways

• Story Warz thrives on the blend of personal anecdotes and strategic deception, keeping both panelists and listeners engaged.

• The music theme provides a rich backdrop for diverse and humorous stories, ranging from schoolyard chaos to celebrity interactions.

• Sam Roberts showcased exceptional gameplay, leveraging double points to clinch the win.

• The dynamic chemistry between Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez, coupled with the competitive spirit of the panelists, ensures each episode remains fresh and entertaining.

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Prize Won:

Sam Roberts takes home the book “Autonomy. The Quest to Build the Driverless Car and How it Will Reshape Our World” by Lawrence D. Burns, a comprehensive narrative exploring the evolution and impact of autonomous vehicle technology.

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Closing Remarks:

The episode wraps up with heartfelt thanks to the guests—Mike Cannon, Cipha Sounds, and Sam Roberts—and anticipation for future Story Warz installments. Hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez encourage listeners to tune in weekly and support their campaigns across various platforms, promising more engaging content and competitive storytelling in upcoming episodes.

Final Quote:

“Thank you so much for hanging out with us and we will catch you next time.” — Sam Roberts (85:19)

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Note: All timestamps correspond to moments within the podcast transcript.

Transcript

[Sam Roberts]

Fill her up.

[Big J Okerson]

You're listening to the GAS Digital Network.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Ladies and gentlemen, It's Story wars with the Story Warriors, Big J Okerson and Lewis J. Gomez. Well, well, well. Welcome to Story wars, everyone. How you guys feeling? Look at this.

[Cypher Sounds]

Wow, that's small room energy. Come on, everybody, make some bucket noise. The Story wars in the house.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Quite possibly the last show that we ever record here at the stand who has no respect for us. But anyway, not a big deal. Not making it weird.

[Cypher Sounds]

Two inside baseball. Who's the first time here seeing Story Wars?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Everybody.

[Cypher Sounds]

How many people?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You guys don't know what it is? Oh, you're just first time watching, first time being here. Oh, got it.

[Cypher Sounds]

Good. Awesome.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I was actually nervous. I was like, they're gonna hate us.

[Cypher Sounds]

Well, if you don't know Story wars, we're gonna explain it up here in a second, but first, we're gonna bring up our esteemed panel contestants here. Our first contestant coming to you, you know him from the WWE, the Sam Roberts show on SiriusXM in the morning. He's my broadcast brother over there, the Not Sam Wrestling podcast. How about some noise for the great Sam Roberts, everybody?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And our second contestant, he is a legendary dj and he's the host of the one EP Is Life podcast with Peter Rosenberg. Clap it up for Cipher Sound.

[Cypher Sounds]

Remember me, the teachers Ho Killers. Four Willers. We go Willers. Oh, please fill us, we heat holders fighting. Listen, boy. Our third contestant from the Beautiful Boys podcast and his special traumatized Animal, available on YouTube. How about it for the hilarious Mike Cannon, everybody?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Mike Cannon being the only returning panelist here tonight. Yeah, Mike can. Last time he was here, he got second place, so he wants to come back and redeem himself.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice win.

[Mike Cannon]

Okay?

[Cypher Sounds]

Hell yeah. If you guys are not familiar with Story wars, it is very, very simple game. Everybody on this panel, all five of us, including me and Lewis, have submitted three to five stories on one specific subject. Today's subject, Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Music.

[Cypher Sounds]

Music. Alex, our lovely producer, is going to read those stories off one at a time. They will appear here on the screen. If it is your story, you're the only person who knows that. It's your job to fool everybody else so they don't vote for you. And if it's not your story, it's your job to vote for whose story it is.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And if you guess the correct story, you get two points. Every person you fool, you get one point. Once you put your answer on the white erase board and you put it in the little slot right here and take your hand away that's it. You cannot change your answer. That is your final answer.

[Cypher Sounds]

Get it?

[Mike Cannon]

Oh, yeah, I got it. I got it.

[Cypher Sounds]

It's a very, very easy game. As we play, you will pick it up if you don't fully getting it just yet. And also we'd like to let you know that you're not playing for nothing here. Every week here on Story wars, we play for a book from the Story wars library. This week's winner gets Autonomy. The Quest to Build the Driverless Car and How it Will Reshape Our World by Lawrence D. Burns.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My favorite book.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yes. Autonomy offers an insider's perspective on the development of autonomous vehicles and their potential to revolutionize transportation. Drawing from his experience as a former General Motors executive and advisor to Google's self driving car project, Burns provides a detailed account of the engineers and innovators who pioneered this technology.

[Mike Cannon]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's go.

[Mike Cannon]

Wow. I like hearing Big J talk about books. You're like Andy Dufresne from Shawshank Redemption.

[Cypher Sounds]

I'm learning. I'm growing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready for war?

[Cypher Sounds]

Alex, if you will. Story number one.

[Alex]

Story number one. I had a music teacher who insulted us like the guy from Whiplash. But instead of turning into a great musician, my mom complained to the school and had me taken out of the class.

[Big J Okerson]

If that doesn't have Sam Roberts written.

[Cypher Sounds]

All over it, it was my first thing.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, yeah, mom. Who cares about him? Yes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'll tell you right now. Big J loves to reference a movie and this could easily be a Big J reference reference. King over to my left also loves.

[Sam Roberts]

Rock and roll music. A big part of rock and roll music is what instrument?

[Cypher Sounds]

Drums.

[Sam Roberts]

Who would have taken drum class?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I took drum drum class. So did I, to be honest.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, yeah.

[Sam Roberts]

Do I seem like a drummer just because I had parents that took care of me?

[Mike Cannon]

No.

[Cypher Sounds]

You seem like a guy who overly enjoyed Whiplash.

[Big J Okerson]

But you also seem like a guy that picks up on the game's rules really quick and try to trick people with an over explanatory answer.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, Sam told me before the show.

[Sam Roberts]

I was accused early.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sam told me before the show that he watched a few episodes to prepare himself and then he trashed everyone else that walks in and does not know what they're walking into.

[Sam Roberts]

That's right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sam's a real pro. That's right, Sam Roberts.

[Sam Roberts]

But I was immediately accused by both of you.

[Mike Cannon]

You look, of all these people, you look like you would have a mom that would care enough to complain.

[Sam Roberts]

Is that because I'm not A stand up. I have a mom that cares.

[Mike Cannon]

Okay, okay. You justified it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I actually wasn't on Sypha's side until you slammed on.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's not me or Saifa. Puerto Ricans don't have parents that care about anything.

[Cypher Sounds]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hold on. Yeah.

[Cypher Sounds]

Let me say Louis, though, don't point.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Those fingers at me.

[Cypher Sounds]

In an important turn here, what he just did. He has been playing the game for as long as it exists now. And he said Jay likes to throw movie references out there.

[Mike Cannon]

Right.

[Cypher Sounds]

Which means he may have written a movie reference into his story.

[Mike Cannon]

Yes, right.

[Cypher Sounds]

To try to throw it towards me. Well, it would be a good move. And your mom, while not a great mom, in fact, a junkie prostitute maybe, though, was all wound up fucking trying to get those spiders out from underneath her skin and took it out in your school. I'm just getting. I'm just. I'm just spitballing here.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. If you change, complained to screamed out of control.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's true.

[Big J Okerson]

It is.

[Cypher Sounds]

Louis takes you back to the Gomez house.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, for sure.

[Sam Roberts]

It's a prideful move. And the Gomez are prideful people, Right.

[Cypher Sounds]

They swam to this country with a dream. Another boy kicked out for being yelled at. Like whiplash. Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

And written down is different than how it actually happened. Like, yo, you yell at my fucking son, right? You yell at my fucking son, right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My mom would actually show up at the school. She was not a good mom, except for when somebody in the school would accuse me of doing stuff that I was doing. Then she would show up at the school and try to fight everybody.

[Cypher Sounds]

Cypher, you seem like you might have had a mom that would fight people.

[Mike Cannon]

Oh, yeah, my mom definitely F people. My mom.

[Big J Okerson]

My mom was a new wrinkle.

[Mike Cannon]

My mom was a put Vaseline on the face.

[Cypher Sounds]

Really?

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, that's my mom. My mom beat the out of my sister's dad's new wife. And she. Because she was yelling out the window, my mom said, oh, yeah. And she put the Vaseline fucking.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wait. Like a prize fighter, she fucking greased up her face.

[Mike Cannon]

Puerto Rican girls in the Bronx, they would put Vaseline on their face because a lot of girls would try to scratch their face.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you do that so the glove doesn't catch your skin and cut you.

[Big J Okerson]

That's how they walk around during the day, Gloves.

[Mike Cannon]

That's gay. This fucking bare knuckle. You know what I'm saying?

[Cypher Sounds]

Streets of the Bronx, it's not for their lips. It's for their faces.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, exactly.

[Cypher Sounds]

You keep petroleum Joe you can't chapstick your facial. You're a lunatic.

[Big J Okerson]

I thought it was for when they went home for their husband.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I put Vaseline in my dick so when I get a hand job, it doesn't get scratched up.

[Cypher Sounds]

Oh, but it's going to be sticky.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm going to get the look. In my opinion, it's either Sam Roberts or Big J Okerson. Two crackers, two reference guys. I believe that I'm just going to go with my initial instinct, which was Mr. Big J Okerson is my vote.

[Cypher Sounds]

You're out of your tree.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My mom did make me live in a tree. You're right about that.

[Cypher Sounds]

For that reason and no other, I will be voting for Louis J. Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Please do that. What a stupid ass.

[Cypher Sounds]

You are going to.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What a stupid.

[Cypher Sounds]

Oh, no. Sam Robertson. Me now. I think it's Sam.

[Sam Roberts]

Son of a. Yeah. No, this really does feel like the original, you know, rock and roll origin story of Big J Okers.

[Cypher Sounds]

I was gonna be a rock and roll drummer till my mom ruined. Was all over the place. The voting is all over.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You voted for Cipher.

[Big J Okerson]

I did. He spoke like, not enough. Anybody affirmed the one thing that we kind of needed to put it on somebody.

[Sam Roberts]

Vaseline.

[Big J Okerson]

The Vaseline, the, you know, the aggressive approach, the yelling.

[Sam Roberts]

My mom would never do that. She's not aggressive like that. She's passive aggressive, but she's not aggressive aggressive.

[Cypher Sounds]

Let's take that. The story doesn't involve Vaseline on her face.

[Mike Cannon]

Yes. Yeah. The word complaint makes me sound. Makes me feel passive.

[Cypher Sounds]

It does feel whiter.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

But also the generality of music makes me think of DJ as, well, like he's a lover of all types of music.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, no, if it was like, if the story was. I. I once played a sold out show with Jay Z at Madison Square Garden. We know it's Cipher, but you also.

[Sam Roberts]

Mike this difficult one. You know, the theme is Music Tonight.

[Big J Okerson]

That's right.

[Sam Roberts]

They're all.

[Mike Cannon]

I don't even know what the. I don't even know what the whiplash is.

[Sam Roberts]

Yes, you do. That's a lie.

[Cypher Sounds]

Now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Now I'm whiplash.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not looking too dumb now, Alex.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All of our stories are in.

[Alex]

Alex, Story number one belongs to Sam Roberts.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I was. It was between you, Little weasel.

[Sam Roberts]

Oh, yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What happened? What happened in this story? Why don't you complain?

[Sam Roberts]

Little weasel is not what my drum teacher called us. You know, I wanted to. I wanted to take drums. It was like fifth grade. Yeah, we had our drum pads. We Weren't up to kits. We had, you know, the little pads. Everybody got a pad. And the music teacher was very. He was a very self important guy and really wanted to be that. I'm not a fifth grade music teacher. I'm. I'm whiplash, you know. Right, right. And so he went around the room and he was pacing and he was looking everybody up and down. And we're fifth graders, we're like, what's going on? And he said, I want you all to know right now that you are bottom feeding slime suckers. You know nothing and maybe one day you'll arise, but not until you learn what I have to teach.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Sam Roberts]

And so I went home and my mom was like, how was drum class, baby? And I said, he said, we're bottom feeding slime suckers. And she said, what?

[Big J Okerson]

I said, yeah, it's not my Samuel.

[Sam Roberts]

That's what she said. He said, we're bottom feeding slime suckers. So she spent the next six months at war with the school trying to get me removed from the class because she said, he called us bottom feeding slime suckers. And she won.

[Cypher Sounds]

Wow. She won.

[Sam Roberts]

Mrs. Roberts always wins and she is combative and aggressive. Yes. That was a lie.

[Mike Cannon]

All lies.

[Sam Roberts]

The whole time.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

It took six months to get you out of the class.

[Sam Roberts]

It was tough.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He was finally getting good at drums when they took him out of the class.

[Cypher Sounds]

I'll tell you what, his methods started to kick in right when I was aggressively removed from the class.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He finally nailed the paradiddle on the pad.

[Cypher Sounds]

Oh man.

[Big J Okerson]

I just picture Sam dipping his chicken nuggets while telling that story to his mom. You would never believe what he called us. Mummy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Dude, they really do suck up. Yeah, they do really start you off on the the worst version of drumming. A little path that goes.

[Cypher Sounds]

It sucks. The Remo pad.

[Sam Roberts]

Yeah, that's what it was.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's a rainbow pad, of course. And you had little screws to tighten it. Why would you tighten it?

[Cypher Sounds]

It's gray white pad and it did not feel like drums.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It does.

[Big J Okerson]

Kind of like a stretched elephant skin.

[Cypher Sounds]

It was so. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Did you also play drums?

[Big J Okerson]

No, but I tried like my friends did. And I tried. I played some other shit, but no.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, there we go. Alex, where our points at?

[Alex]

All right on the scoreboard. With two points, I have cypher sounds for guessing correctly.

[Sam Roberts]

Good job.

[Alex]

And in the lead with three points, Sam Roberts.

[Mike Cannon]

Wait, why does he get points?

[Sam Roberts]

Because they all voted for someone else. I fooled.

[Big J Okerson]

Actively fooled.

[Mike Cannon]

Oh, this is dope.

[Sam Roberts]

I've been watching the traders too. So I was thinking about, you know, the round tables with the traders. They lie and they manipulate.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, Jay, let's take a quick moment and thank Turtle beach for supporting today's show. We love Turtle Beach. They've been a long time sponsor at this point. They make incredible hardware. If you're a gamer or if you just like to stream or really do anything involving audio, their headphones are incredible. They have a bunch of other incredible products as well. But I really want to talk about their headphones. They sent us a bunch of the.

[Cypher Sounds]

What are. They made me a absolute hero. The Stealth 700 headset, it's. I mean, I gave it to all the gamers in my family and extended family this Christmas and I mean, they really loved it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They sound great. The microphone on them also sounds great. A lot of time when you're gaming, you sound like shit. You sound like you're underwater. It's genuinely podcast quality microphones. I've used them.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah. On the road.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I've used. When I go on the road, I bring myself seven hundreds and I actually record the podcast on them. It sounds as good as any microphone that we're using. They have an 80 hour battery life as well, so. So you can get your gaming in for the entire week without having to recharge your headphones, which is one of the most annoying things when you have wireless headphones.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah, you have to stop because they're dying. And right now, for a limited time, our listeners are gonna get 10% off the entire order. When you use Code Wars W A r [e-mail], that's 10% off your [e-mail] with promo code wars with a Z. And check them out if you're a gamer. If you got a gamer in your life, make them happy. Make yourself happy. Check out Turtle beach and all their great products today. All right, let's get back into it. Alex. Story number two.

[Alex]

Story number two. During a seventh grade chorus rehearsal, I convinced my friend to pinch an older girl's butt. As soon as he did, I turned around and told another friend. My two friends got into one of the most vicious fights in my school's history involving a screwdriver. They got suspended and I never got in trouble.

[Cypher Sounds]

Wow. Who the fuck was in chorus?

[Big J Okerson]

Lewis. As a baritone, maybe.

[Cypher Sounds]

Lewis may have joined chorus.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I was in chorus. I was also in musical theater. Yeah, I would also, because I'm a badass.

[Cypher Sounds]

This one, for some reason, saying Mike Cannon to me, I thought the same thing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Screaming Mike Cannon.

[Big J Okerson]

I was in chorus.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we know. Yeah. Because I grew up in the same area as Can. He grew up in Rockland County. I grew up in Rockland County. This was just a suburban sort of kid story. First of all, we grew up a generation where pinching a girl's ass was just good clean fun.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah, right.

[Big J Okerson]

All of us did.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You can't do. Yeah, that's true. But yeah, when you're bored in the suburbs, like, they didn't. They didn't do that in the Bronx. He would have gotten stabbed. His face. No, you're right.

[Big J Okerson]

There's never sexual assault in the Bronx.

[Mike Cannon]

No, you still do it.

[Cypher Sounds]

Remember the good old days when a man can take what he wants?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I really wish I grew up in the 50s. We could smack a waitress on the ass collar, toots.

[Big J Okerson]

She thank you.

[Cypher Sounds]

She thank you.

[Mike Cannon]

We gotta bring back toots.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Cypher Sounds]

Toots.

[Big J Okerson]

Can you do two in a row? So because this has form also.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you feel Sammy, but it does feel like you're trying to now deflect it back onto Sami.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, of course. Well, yeah, I'm defending myself in the same manner.

[Sam Roberts]

He's trying to. He's trying to deflect. And also, Sammy's mom would never have let him gone to a school with screwdriver fights. Wouldn't have happened. And that's also how I know it's not Louis, because it says the friend got in the fight with the.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I had no friends. You're right.

[Cypher Sounds]

No, no.

[Sam Roberts]

I was gonna say you would have been the guy. Kid with the screwdriver.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sam Roberts]

You would have brought the screwdriver.

[Mike Cannon]

The story's gotta be true, right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Story's gotta be true.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah. You'd be screwdriver, guys, so.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but Sam's a born agitator as well. Can I just simply. In the middle of conflict, what Cypher.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Just did right there. Cypher did. The story's gotta be true in a way. Like, he's playing the game already.

[Mike Cannon]

Oh, we're here to play the game, right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we are. But I just feel like you got.

[Mike Cannon]

Sound effects and everything.

[Cypher Sounds]

This is how we find out sounds has the voice of an angel. Don't even tell us who the answer is.

[Mike Cannon]

Listen, I'm a big fan.

[Sam Roberts]

Kevin McAllister.

[Mike Cannon]

I'm a big fan of Mike Cannon's comedy. And this is worded like a Mike Cannon joke.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So long with no punchline.

[Sam Roberts]

I'm gonna be honest.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I did.

[Sam Roberts]

I did notice it was wordy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was wordy. Was pretty wordy.

[Big J Okerson]

Pretty wordy. You know, fair amount of unnecessary verbs.

[Sam Roberts]

You were right, though, about Seif. Like, he seems so unfamiliar with the concept of even a story.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

What's a chorus?

[Sam Roberts]

I don't understand. How do these stories work that it's.

[Cypher Sounds]

Like two whole friends?

[Mike Cannon]

Seventh grade, I was working at the bodega.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, it's about a seventh grade, but. And what would be the most pronounced.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Don't make me think about a seventh grade, but I'm gonna come.

[Big J Okerson]

Use it in your old mind's eye.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Sam Roberts]

It also says but not ass.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That is true.

[Sam Roberts]

I feel like Big J would say, but. Because that's a funny thing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Cypher would have said Kulo.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, it's true.

[Sam Roberts]

Mike would have said, but you hear.

[Big J Okerson]

How Lewis would have said cutter.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, here's the thing. People in the suburbs, two friends would get into a vicious fight. Also in the school's history, there's something about can't. Cannon would keep track of his school's history.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah. No one. My school. My school growing up, no one knows the most vicious. They were all pretty bad.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I'll start the voting. Everyone says I vote last to try to cheat because I have the most story. Wars, victories, and I'm a true story warrior. So I will vote first. Again, I'm gonna say Mr. Cannon.

[Cypher Sounds]

I'm voting for my cannon as well. But I do feel this could be Lewis. Keep that in mind, everybody. That I said that out loud.

[Sam Roberts]

It's. It's definitely my canon.

[Cypher Sounds]

Oh, it's raining on my cat.

[Sam Roberts]

Yeah, it's my cannon.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If it's not. If it's not my cannon. Somebody just cleaned the up.

[Cypher Sounds]

If it's Sam Roberts, we're early. Everyone's answers are in Alex.

[Alex]

That story does, in fact, belong to Mike. Ken.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You couldn't fool a single person.

[Big J Okerson]

Here's the thing. Thank you for letting me know. I need to edit. I gotta shorten this up quick. That's brutal.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He wrote a preamble to his own story.

[Big J Okerson]

I forgot. I thought the more details, the better, but I forgot. It's just a lot.

[Cypher Sounds]

We were like, I could fart. Row, row, row your boat.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, Cannon, why was it the most vicious? Was there blood involved?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah, there was a ton of blood. My friend Rob was like an elite athlete in middle school, and this kid Nick was not. And I told him to pinch the girl's ass. I immediately turned, told my friend Rob, and on the way out, he beat the kid up in the audit in the theater auditorium. It went into the hallway, and then into the gym and then into the locker room, where he then, like, it got so big. And my friend.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Was this a game of clue? What is this, by the way?

[Mike Cannon]

Wordies.

[Sam Roberts]

You know, wordy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We use a screwdriver in the locker room on Rob.

[Big J Okerson]

It was, like, technically an assault, kidnapping.

[Cypher Sounds]

Why did the guy. Why did you. You told another friend. Then why that guy just kick his ass?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, because it was his girlfriend. It was the dude's girlfriend. I was like, I dare you to pinch Katie's butt. And he was like, dude, no way Rob will kick my ass. And I was like, no, he won't.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're like, I double dog dare you.

[Sam Roberts]

Yeah, exactly.

[Big J Okerson]

And then he did it. And I instantly. It was. It's. I still think to this day it's like, the only time I've ever done that because of what happened as a result. And the screwdriver thing. He was in the locker room crying after being viciously beaten, and he was unloading his backpack into the locker, and I guess he had a screwdriver from tech class, but somebody screamed, he has a screwdriver. And my friend Rob went over and beat him for, like, a fifth time.

[Mike Cannon]

Again.

[Big J Okerson]

Again.

[Mike Cannon]

Another time.

[Big J Okerson]

Another time.

[Mike Cannon]

Wait, did he think he was pulling the screwdriver out on him for simply owning a screwdriver?

[Big J Okerson]

He thought it was, like, part of the fight. And then one of the other kids jumped in and was like, no. I saw fire in his eyes. He was gonna.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Phillips head, get down.

[Mike Cannon]

That's a good. I had a. I had a weapon in high school. I had. You know, like, if you get on a. In a pickup truck, it's a high one. And you got that handle. I had that handle.

[Cypher Sounds]

The. Could that do in a fight?

[Mike Cannon]

I had a hand. No, but it was like. It's like the part that screws in, like, a little flat. So I sharpened it, and then I had batteries in the handle to make it heavier.

[Cypher Sounds]

Did you grow up in prison? He goes, did I use it? Gallon bottles of jugs of water wrapped in the tank tops that I live.

[Big J Okerson]

I am on this tik Tok algorithm right now.

[Mike Cannon]

I get it. I get having a different. What do you call it? A non traditional weapon.

[Big J Okerson]

Traditional weapon. That is what we call them.

[Mike Cannon]

Wait, so you. You told your boy that you told him on purpose so he would beat him up?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I kind of didn't know what would happen. I knew I was having a good time.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, no, no, you did. Hold on. You didn't know what was going to happen because Rob specifically said to You. No, he's gonna beat me up.

[Big J Okerson]

Nick said that?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

The kid who.

[Big J Okerson]

I said. No, you're right. I probably anticipated something. I didn't anticipate it being at that level because it was.

[Cypher Sounds]

Greatest fight in history.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Huh.

[Cypher Sounds]

The school's most violent.

[Mike Cannon]

Yo, your face when he was getting beat up profusely was probably like, oh, this went too far.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, dude, I. I can hear the punch, like, there. I can hear the punches on his.

[Cypher Sounds]

Back still for this day, telling the boyfriend of psychotic.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it was. It's a. It's a nod of the guy know.

[Mike Cannon]

You told the boyfriend?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, everybody found out.

[Cypher Sounds]

Like, we all thought it was much crazier when we thought you just told a guy. It goes, oh, no. He told chivalrous Charlie about the one guy who believes chivalry isn't dead. Did you pinch a lady?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, where are our points at?

[Alex]

All right on the scoreboard, with two points each, the story warriors, Lewis J. Gomez and Big J. Okerson.

[Mike Cannon]

Okay.

[Alex]

With four points, Cipher sounds. And in the lead with five points, Sam Roberts.

[Cypher Sounds]

Wow. Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex. Story number three.

[Alex]

Story number three. My mom took my sibling to see Madonna when I was a kid, and I stayed home crying because I wasn't invited.

[Cypher Sounds]

We all think it's Sam. Every one of us. I heard the word Sam stirred through the entire room.

[Big J Okerson]

Fair, Sam.

[Sam Roberts]

That's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Do you have a sibling, Sam?

[Sam Roberts]

I have two siblings.

[Mike Cannon]

Oh.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Does everyone here have siblings? Yeah, I do.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah. Yeah. This could be Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It could be. What I will say, I will tell you right now, is my mom could not afford Madonna tickets.

[Cypher Sounds]

Well, maybe she can only afford two and therefore did not invite you.

[Big J Okerson]

Maybe it was a barter.

[Cypher Sounds]

That's right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She sucked for Madonna tickets.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah. She didn't want to see her only son on her knees while she chugged the cock of security guys and roadies to get backstage.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Did Madonna have roadies?

[Cypher Sounds]

Yes. Yeah, everyone's got roadies.

[Sam Roberts]

Cyph, did you like pop music growing up?

[Mike Cannon]

I like all kind of music. But there's his talent. I actually did go to a Madonna concert. It was pretty dope.

[Cypher Sounds]

Well, after you cried all night, it was a later.

[Mike Cannon]

It was good.

[Cypher Sounds]

I'll take you. Oh, let's make sure we invite Cypher Bawling in his room.

[Mike Cannon]

This is Big J all day. Because Big J has very eclectic taste in music.

[Cypher Sounds]

I do.

[Mike Cannon]

And he would like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Can I say, the only reason I don't think it's Big J is because he had very much younger siblings.

[Sam Roberts]

Oh, he doesn't have an older.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This doesn't have.

[Mike Cannon]

Okay, okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It could feel like a younger sibling.

[Mike Cannon]

It feels like a sister. Like, mom took your sister.

[Cypher Sounds]

It seems like definitely a sister, but I will say. And Louis has a sister and a sister only.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I have a half brother and a half sister as well.

[Cypher Sounds]

If this story. But you don't know them. If this story. Puerto Rican.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I have one and a half sisters.

[Cypher Sounds]

In your Puerto Rican bio. Dude, if I. Just to give some perspective, if this was me while my mother was at. Was at Madonna with one of my sisters and I was crying, I was somewhere between the ages of 16 and 21, so that would have been a lot to cry about. That. And my friends like, hey, you want to come play PlayStation? I go. I can't. Not tonight. Just going through something.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's definitely not big. It sounds like a big J story, but it's not big J.

[Cypher Sounds]

Although I would have liked the invite.

[Mike Cannon]

So I guess your siblings are older. Yeah, sisters.

[Sam Roberts]

I have an older sister and a younger brother.

[Big J Okerson]

The crying part is what has me with Sam.

[Sam Roberts]

I didn't cry a lot. Not that much.

[Cypher Sounds]

This guy's had to cry. His mom would go straighten shit out before it got that.

[Sam Roberts]

That's right. Yeah, yeah. Now, okay. If my mom's gonna straighten out the school and not let the whiplash guys say this, you think she would let little Sammy stay home and cry? I can't imagine.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm going towards Sypha because I feel like Sypha has musical origins. Right. It would be like, he's the biggest pop star in the world. He can't go see this. Probably even motivated him to go learn how to dj who's in his room.

[Big J Okerson]

He just blended Madonna records for the rest of the night.

[Cypher Sounds]

Also material.

[Mike Cannon]

Material, material.

[Cypher Sounds]

Also, in your Hispanic household. They also. You also may have thought they were going to see the actual lady Madonna.

[Mike Cannon]

Like. Like church Madonna.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

I wasn't. I'm not. I'm not culturally Puerto Rican, just ethnically.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, me too.

[Cypher Sounds]

So that means you only have one sibling, and that's why they went to Madonna. I'm voting for.

[Big J Okerson]

God.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay's acting. Jay is acting like it's him, but it's not him. There's no way this happened to him. God, I love Madonna, you know, there's.

[Mike Cannon]

No way I'm going Big J. Sam's.

[Big J Okerson]

So good at the.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, he's not lying. His siblings are, like, a full 15 years younger than him.

[Cypher Sounds]

I've cried since I've been 15.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Cried last night. I'm going with cipher.

[Mike Cannon]

What'd you put?

[Sam Roberts]

I'm gonna. I'll tell you. Okay.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Sam Roberts]

This is my thinking.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Sam Roberts]

Louis very good at this game. And Louis saw me looking at him, and I think Louis knew that I had it narrowed down to either Lewis or Seife. And when he looked at me and knew that, he immediately said, I think it's seif. Because he wanted to switch me up, which is why it's. Louis.

[Cypher Sounds]

You're a fool.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're a fool.

[Cypher Sounds]

What is fucking Louis?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You guys are always.

[Mike Cannon]

You know, my real name is Lewis, and every time they say your name, it keeps throwing me off, but I'm going with that. Lewis.

[Sam Roberts]

I love how you put the little.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Puerto Rican accent over Luis. That's how it's supposed to be pronounced.

[Mike Cannon]

No disrespect to Latinos. I hate Luis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it's terrible.

[Mike Cannon]

Luis.

[Big J Okerson]

No, Your real name is Louis.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah. Louis Diaz.

[Big J Okerson]

That's like finding out Turtle's name was Salva.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Before we even go to whose story this was, somebody told me that you were the first person to ever do that.

[Mike Cannon]

Not the first person. I. I should. I don't know how to say this. I've made. I took that sound to a commercial height, but I wasn't the first person on Hot 97. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Because people were really doing it like that.

[Mike Cannon]

Not on hip hop. Commercial radio. And then people took the one I made and put it into other big, huge pop songs, and it went, like, into the zeitgeist.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So you popularized. You're like the Steve Jobs of annoying sounds.

[Mike Cannon]

Because that's a Jamaican thing. I was just doing what Jamaicans do. But then this guy did actual ill research to find out that what I was doing made this go into the universe.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

And I get $0. That's the next story, though. We shouldn't have told it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, whose story was that fucked up?

[Alex]

That story belonged to Louis.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

Yes.

[Cypher Sounds]

Was I right?

[Sam Roberts]

Was I wrong, Jay?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you were right, but that's not. That's not what happened. I mean, maybe I saw you look at me. I was trying to make. I was trying to make you think that I thought it was you. That was my strategy. Jay said it was me right up front. And then he changed the cipher for no reason at all.

[Sam Roberts]

By the way, I want Siphon and Mike's points, too, because they just copied me.

[Cypher Sounds]

They did.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yes, you did.

[Sam Roberts]

You literally changed your.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So my mother.

[Mike Cannon]

No. I'm saying no. You can't have my. Yes. I copied you, Sam.

[Big J Okerson]

Might as well be Asian. I took his answers entirely.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My mother, we were very poor, but my mother was irresponsible with her money as well. So she would spend 100% of her net worth on things like Madonna tickets. So that's what she did. She bought two tickets. And my uncle Benji and his girlfriend went. They bought two tickets and the whole family just left me at home.

[Mike Cannon]

Wait, what?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And they offered me McDonald's because Uncle Benji worked at McDonald's. You can get it for free, the piece of shit.

[Cypher Sounds]

But that's of the night though, where they give you all this.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Dude, I'll tell you right now, I was so sad.

[Mike Cannon]

Wait, how old are you?

[Big J Okerson]

But from that lone when I was a lonely salt flower or whatever.

[Cypher Sounds]

Stay home from a Madonna concert for McDonald's.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Cypher Sounds]

Without Jay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I can convince you not to go to work at a comedy club for McDonald's today.

[Cypher Sounds]

I can get McDonald's after they're 24 hours. Idiot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But then my mom.

[Cypher Sounds]

I know, I know you're going to to say next. They stopped serving the filet of fish and chicken sandwiches after midnight. So what?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My mom then, because I was so sad, she won me Paula Abdul concert tickets on Z100.

[Cypher Sounds]

I hope she made you go yourself.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, she brought me. And then while we were about to drive to Nassau Coliseum from Rockland county, which was going to be like a good hour and a half drive, she. I swear to God, it's true. She convinced me that I would rather have McDonald's and go to a movie. So she didn't want to drive all the way out there and then she.

[Big J Okerson]

Absolutely sold those tickets three days earlier.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, dude, no. She just did. She was lazy, didn't want to drive. And I really. Dude, I love the Paula Abdul and DJ Scat Cat song. Opposite shot, opposite the track. Yeah, yeah, I loved it. It was my favorite jam. Dude, it was a cartoon and this hot chick dancing. It ruled. And then I was so regretful. After I had the McDonald's, I cried that I wanted to go to the Paul Abdiel concert. It was a goddamn nightmare. My mom was so much better than me at doing things.

[Cypher Sounds]

Pickles and come at me goes. I still wish we went to Paul Abdul.

[Mike Cannon]

All right, wait, what movie did you see?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't remember. See, maybe Tracy. I just love that.

[Big J Okerson]

Like with Madonna in it.

[Mike Cannon]

Oh, yeah, Madonna was in it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you're right.

[Mike Cannon]

She was in it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, where our points at?

[Alex]

All right on the scoreboard. Tied for last place. I have big J. Okerson and Mike Cannon.

[Cypher Sounds]

That's great.

[Mike Cannon]

Damn. Sam is killing it.

[Sam Roberts]

Thank you.

[Alex]

In third place with three points, Louis J. Gomez.

[Cypher Sounds]

Good round for him.

[Alex]

In second place with six points, Cipher Sound.

[Sam Roberts]

That's also quite good. That's quite good.

[Alex]

And in first place with seven points, Sam Roberts.

[Sam Roberts]

By the way, that's a. That's not a perfect score. One person guessed me right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's all right. You're doing great. You're killing it right now.

[Sam Roberts]

Thank you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't think we can catch up.

[Sam Roberts]

S Literally one point away.

[Cypher Sounds]

Well, hey, guys, real quick, let's talk about one of our awesome sponsors over here at Story wars, everyone. And that is yo kratom, home of the 60 kilo. That sounds like we're just on a loop because we've been saying it for years and years. Because no matter what changes in the world, that price does not. $60 kilos of lab tested, high quality Kratom delivered right to your door. Now, this is for people over the age of 21 who are already in the market for Kratom. We're not suggesting you start doing Kratom, but if you're already in the market for Kratom, why not get it from Yo Kratom? It is the highest quality and it is coming right to your door. And they are the marquee sponsors for Skankfest every year and just kind of support everything, every kind of comedy that you love out there. So support the people that support us. Go to yocratum.com home of the $60 kilo. All right, let's get back into it. Alex. Story number four.

[Alex]

Story number four. I cried at a train concert.

[Sam Roberts]

Oh, boy.

[Cypher Sounds]

Louis cried over Madonna.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I cried at a train concert. It's not my canon because it's five words.

[Big J Okerson]

It could fit in a tweet.

[Mike Cannon]

Wait, what? I'm not. I'm not being an Train. What is Train?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's what?

[Cypher Sounds]

Come on.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's what I ran on Sam's mom last week.

[Cypher Sounds]

Don't worry, little Sammy's out of the house.

[Mike Cannon]

Here we go. I'm assuming it's some kind of rock group. Yeah, but like, what kind of rock?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Okay, look at. Look at Cypher playing the fucking game.

[Sam Roberts]

A little heavy handed, dude.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What's train? What's crying?

[Mike Cannon]

What's that little dot at the end?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Are we sure there wasn't a comma between train and concert? Cypher was just crying while somebody was running a train on somebody.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So we.

[Sam Roberts]

You're saying you don't know the band Train at All you never.

[Mike Cannon]

Like, who would be in a concert with Train? Like, would this tool.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, they're, like, light. They're like light, bitch. Rock. I can't even name a train. Like Creed.

[Cypher Sounds]

Hey, Solstice, Jupiter. Hey, Solstice, Creed.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, soul sister. No, that's not.

[Sam Roberts]

No, no, hold on.

[Cypher Sounds]

Somebody wants to help me drive by.

[Sam Roberts]

Hey. Hey, Sosa.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sing it.

[Cypher Sounds]

We already said hey, Salsa.

[Mike Cannon]

Wait. Hey, what's. Hey, Sos?

[Cypher Sounds]

You've heard in a million commercials.

[Sam Roberts]

That was rock.

[Big J Okerson]

That was humiliating.

[Cypher Sounds]

It's absolutely wrong. It's like rock.

[Sam Roberts]

I'm so thug.

[Cypher Sounds]

Adult contemporary rock.

[Mike Cannon]

Here's all that Coldplay.

[Sam Roberts]

Here's what's important here, though. Everybody here would have been an adult when they went to the Train concert, which means you cried as an adult to train music. To train music.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Or maybe you didn't cry because of the music. Maybe you cried because you found out your kid died or something.

[Mike Cannon]

See, this is not me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Does anyone have a dead kid?

[Mike Cannon]

Nah. This is a drug cry, and I don't do drugs.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's a great point.

[Mike Cannon]

This is a drug cry. This is like ecstasy. Like, oh, this is beautiful.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay did have a debilitating Molly addiction for a good year that I've known.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, if you do Molly at a Train concert, you have an addiction.

[Cypher Sounds]

That seems like a weird concert for Molly or drugs in general.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I still can't imagine a single Train song. You sung it like shit, lady.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're not a singer. You're not good at singing.

[Sam Roberts]

I've got two thoughts, Lewis.

[Alex]

The song you were just singing was also trained.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Was that a Train song?

[Alex]

That one? Yes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I was just guessing. That was trained.

[Cypher Sounds]

Nailed it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I would cry to that right now if somebody played it. That's a good tune.

[Sam Roberts]

I think this could be an instance of somebody under the influence of psychedelics at a Train show, which leads to Mike Cannon or. Or somebody that's not used to white people music, which is syph.

[Big J Okerson]

Sometimes white music can really sneak up on you, dude.

[Sam Roberts]

That's right. You know, this is how we get down.

[Cypher Sounds]

One of my favorite fun facts about Cypher. Sex sounds. His favorite band in the world, the Police.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Police.

[Mike Cannon]

I love. I love that music.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, no, that's. Who arrested him when he was younger. You misunderstood the sound.

[Cypher Sounds]

No, no. And then they played, like, a little, like, backyard band for him while he was sitting in the cell.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm thinking Big J or Cipher.

[Mike Cannon]

Hold on, let me. This black guy with a white girlfriend. You like white music, right? You know Train.

[Cypher Sounds]

You never even heard of Them. Your girlfriend's got that sweater, and you never heard of song Train before? That sweater is made for a train concert.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

Wait, miss. You know train? I don't. This train.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Big train. Huge.

[Mike Cannon]

I swear I don't know.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Drops of Jupiter in my head.

[Big J Okerson]

I haven't recognized a song you sang.

[Cypher Sounds]

Tell me.

[Mike Cannon]

Did the. I know that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's the thing. Jay. Jay goes to concerts. Like, concerts you wouldn't even expect him to go to. I don't remember him ever going to a train concert, but it could be in that repertoire.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like this is Jay because of its. Like. Because it's one line. It's just no details. Yeah, this is it.

[Mike Cannon]

This is what?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Have you ever spoken to this? No. I know.

[Big J Okerson]

He'S the host of the show. So you're just trying not to give up as much as possible. Try not to attach it to anybody specific.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay did submit his stories two hours before the show, too. He's probably just scrolling through them.

[Big J Okerson]

So there you go.

[Cypher Sounds]

There it is. It's Jay.

[Mike Cannon]

Sam, what are you writing?

[Sam Roberts]

I know who it is.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I know you know who it is.

[Sam Roberts]

Already 100. I know.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sam is really good at this.

[Cypher Sounds]

First of all, Sam and Sam convinced me that it's Cipher. I don't think this is canon. Cypher hasn't any stories yet.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, that doesn't mean anything. They're genuinely random.

[Cypher Sounds]

I know, but I mean, he is.

[Big J Okerson]

Going hard on the who is trained.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't like how confident Sam is in this forum. Look how I've never seen him be this confident in my life. You're like Lex Luthor right now.

[Cypher Sounds]

Thank you.

[Sam Roberts]

Thank you. It's a fun game.

[Cypher Sounds]

I don't believe it's Louis, and I.

[Mike Cannon]

Feel like he knows.

[Sam Roberts]

Why did it have to be Lex Luthor?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, because you have the haircut. You look like you're standing up to superheroes right now. Lex Luthor had no superpowers.

[Mike Cannon]

He's confident like he's heard the story before in passing. So he might actually know it also could be Sam.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sam is a bitch.

[Sam Roberts]

No, no, no, no, no. I maybe formerly was a bitch, but no longer.

[Cypher Sounds]

It's true.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I cried at the Nine Inch Nails concert with Ari Shafir. We were on mushrooms watching Nine Inch Nails.

[Sam Roberts]

Okay, this brings me back to the psychedelics.

[Cypher Sounds]

You were on mushrooms standing behind my daughter, which was so funny. I was looking back, she was like 15 or 16. Hers looking back and seeing, like, is everything okay with Uncle Lewis and Dan?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I want to. You like it?

[Cypher Sounds]

They cried the wrong songs.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. No, it was then they marched a hurt. It was something I can never have. Oh, which that one will get me to this day?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Cypher Sounds]

Maybe it was Lewis.

[Mike Cannon]

Was Train popular?

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Sam Roberts]

No, no, no, no, no. I was far outside of my era.

[Cypher Sounds]

I think Cypher's playing a game.

[Mike Cannon]

I'm not.

[Cypher Sounds]

Everyone's heard of Train.

[Mike Cannon]

I swear to God.

[Cypher Sounds]

Your favorite band never heard of Train.

[Sam Roberts]

He hadn't heard of Train.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah. Where you from, bro?

[Cypher Sounds]

That guy's a plant. Cypher brought him.

[Mike Cannon]

Yo.

[Big J Okerson]

Gave him that hat.

[Mike Cannon]

Yo, come with me to this show. There's gonna be mad white people there.

[Cypher Sounds]

We act like we're confused together at white references. No, no.

[Sam Roberts]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why don't you go ahead and vote first? Siph, why don't you go ahead and vote first? As a matter of fact, seif. Go ahead. I don't want to steal this one from you.

[Mike Cannon]

I cried at a Train concert. Is it Mike or Jay? I'm gonna say J.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Big J. With a portrait.

[Cypher Sounds]

Can I see the portrait? It's not bad.

[Mike Cannon]

Cause Jay. Jay's always. Jay seems like a tough guy, but he's a soft. He's a softy at heart.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay is a softie, and he would have gone to a Train concert.

[Sam Roberts]

For the record, I think you might be right, Jay. I think it might be safe. But I've got Mike Cannon because he relied heavily on the argument that it was not wordy. And it hurt his feelings earlier when he said he was wordy.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah. But he wouldn't have time to change it.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you think I sent Alex a text with a revised story. I'm like, they know my voice.

[Cypher Sounds]

They've made me switch it up.

[Mike Cannon]

It's better for the game. Fix it, Alex.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All of our stories are in.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Big Jesus.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Look, I drew you crying.

[Mike Cannon]

Oh, I didn't know I was so good at this game. I didn't know I was so good at this game.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait, because Sam guesses me, does that mean I convinced him to do that?

[Mike Cannon]

No. I don't know the rules, but I know I'm good at this game.

[Sam Roberts]

You're very good.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Big J, tell us this story. How have I not heard about you crying at a Train concert?

[Cypher Sounds]

My grandmother. My mom just passed away.

[Sam Roberts]

Rest in peace.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She loved Train.

[Cypher Sounds]

And I heard. No, it's funny. So I heard. I. I heard when Train was interviewed on Stern, he said that song Drops to Jupiter is about his mother dying. They played it, so it wasn't that. But I went to the concert. I Was like, I'll go because I'm friendly with John Popper from Blues. Blues Traveler. Jewel and Train were the headliners.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Dropper.

[Cypher Sounds]

I'll stick around and watch. I'll stick around and watch. Jewel and Train. Jewel ripped, by the way. And then Train went up and Drops of Jupiter. I sat, like, 10th row and was. Fell to pieces completely. Oh, man.

[Mike Cannon]

Wait, you knew this song? You knew the song before you heard the story.

[Cypher Sounds]

Huh?

[Mike Cannon]

You knew that song before you heard the story.

[Cypher Sounds]

I can't believe it's still real that you're not aware of. Who? Train.

[Mike Cannon]

Swear to God.

[Cypher Sounds]

That's blowing my mind. The bit's over, dude. You won the round.

[Sam Roberts]

Are you looking up Train right now?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's a good tune.

[Sam Roberts]

Yeah, they're great.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Baby. That's a good tune.

[Cypher Sounds]

Drops of Jupiter rips.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That does rip.

[Mike Cannon]

Well, maybe y'all just can't sing.

[Sam Roberts]

Well, we're not as good as Trane.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I mean, we're doing it no service. You're right.

[Cypher Sounds]

Fun fact. Trane also did a full cover album of Led Zeppelin 2 and kills it.

[Big J Okerson]

They can't monetize this, dude.

[Sam Roberts]

That's the. That's.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You can't play a B track. Play.

[Mike Cannon]

Play.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Drops of Jupiter. You know the song.

[Mike Cannon]

I don't know if you're allowed. I don't want to. You might not be able to clear.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, it's okay. We're good.

[Sam Roberts]

You okay, Jay?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay's gonna start crying.

[Alex]

Black sp.

[Mike Cannon]

Look at.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Everyone's bopping their heads. Everyone loves it. Look at all the stupid. Look at all the stupid women in the crowd.

[Cypher Sounds]

Turn louder.

[Big J Okerson]

In the sea of.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I swear to God.

[Cypher Sounds]

Jamaica to the milk. You never heard that?

[Mike Cannon]

I swear to God. I never heard that. I swear.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You've never heard.

[Cypher Sounds]

You never Loved and lost.

[Big J Okerson]

That was the best to look out, though. And in a sea of swaying whites, he's just totally still.

[Cypher Sounds]

He won't accept Train into his harder life. He accepts so much of her white bullshit. This is his. This is his threshold. He goes, not this. I'm not gonna listen to this.

[Mike Cannon]

That's my guy. What's your name? Demetrius. That's my guy right there. Oh, yeah, Demetrius. Okay. I didn't know you were a college football player, Alex.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Where are points at?

[Alex]

Okay, on the scoreboard, I have a big J. Okerson with three points.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, Nice.

[Alex]

Mike Cannon with four points.

[Sam Roberts]

Okay. Okay, Mike.

[Big J Okerson]

That's right for one for each inch of Brendan Lewis.

[Alex]

J. Gomez in third place with five points, Sam Roberts with seven points.

[Mike Cannon]

All right, I want everybody. I Want air? I want Jamaican air. Gunshots or air horns.

[Alex]

And in first place with eight points, Cipher sound.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, wow, you got the sound effect.

[Cypher Sounds]

Keep that energy big. Because, Cypher, you are so close at this point to winning autonomy. The quest to build a driverless car and how it will reshape our world. The book traces the journey from early challenges such as the 2004 DARPA Grand Challenge in the Mojave Desert to the current advancements in driverless technology. Burns envisions a future where autonomous electric vehicles are someone via apps, significantly reducing traffic accidents, offering mobility solutions for the elderly and disabled. At the same time decreasing reliance on fossil fuels.

[Mike Cannon]

Autonomy.

[Sam Roberts]

Sif Seif. I did not get this close to that book to give it away, okay? I want you to know that.

[Mike Cannon]

Go for it, man. All right. You're a competitive guy.

[Cypher Sounds]

Now we're playing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Now the game's wrestling.

[Sam Roberts]

Now we're playing. Now we're playing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, at this point, it is the halfway point of the show. We're gonna do some plugs real quick. Mike Cannon, what are you plugging, my friend?

[Big J Okerson]

I have a new podcast with Andy Haynes called Beautiful boys. Check that out. YouTube, wherever you listen to pods. And check out my special traumatized Animal, also on YouTube. And I'm all over the road. Mike Cannon, comedy.com for that.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yes, sir. Cipher sounds.

[Mike Cannon]

I got a podcast with my friend Peter Rosenberg. It's the first hip hop podcast ever. It's caught now. It's the new name is Juan Epp is live because Juan and Epstein, a Puerto Rican and a Jew. And check that out. It's all hip hop nerd. And of course, just follow me at my Instagram. Ciphersound. C I P H A.

[Cypher Sounds]

Is there a crossover thing? Doesn't Peter Rosenberg do a lot of wrestling stuff too?

[Sam Roberts]

He does, yeah. That's a commonality.

[Cypher Sounds]

That's fucking awesome. Sammy Roberts.

[Sam Roberts]

Yes, you can listen to Sam Roberts show every morning starting at 8:00am Eastern on SiriusXM 103.

[Cypher Sounds]

Faction talk.

[Sam Roberts]

Faction talk. And if you're a pro wrestling fan, you can subscribe to not say I'm wrestling everywhere. You get podcasts and YouTube.

[Mike Cannon]

Nice.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Big Jay Okerson.

[Cypher Sounds]

The biggest thing for me right now, everybody. If you've watched it already, watch it again. My new the first half of my new double crowd work special them available right now on YouTube. Go comment, share it. If you love it. Just get it out there, man. I appreciate already at like half a million million views. That's huge.

[Big J Okerson]

Awesome.

[Cypher Sounds]

Thank you so much.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Cypher Sounds]

And of course, listen to the bonfire five days a week, Faction Talk Series XM103 with me and the great Robert Kelly and the Legion of Skanks. It's only the flagship show over here. Network, everybody. The legendary Legion of Skanks.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh yeah.

[Cypher Sounds]

And I'm all over the road. BigJComedy.com.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, go to my website, LewisofSkanks.com check me out on the road. I'm in South Bend, Indiana at the end of March. I'm in rally Raleigh, Raleigh for the first time. St. Catharines, Ontario. London, Ontario, Windsor, Ontario, Burlington, Ontario. And I just added to my a lot more in between then I should just say. Also if you guys are in Nashville, we're doing four story war shows for the Nashville Comedy Festival, April 6th through like 9th.

[Cypher Sounds]

Surprise lineups.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Surprise lineup is going to be incredible.

[Cypher Sounds]

And a live Legion of Skanks.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And we're doing a live Legion Skanks as well. We're doing story wars live at the comedy Mothership on March 26th. Surprise lineups, two shows gonna be goddamn blast. And I just added my European tour. I'm bringing Scott Chaplin with me to Amsterdam, Glasgow, Dublin, Manchester and London. Those are all on my site. That's the end of May, right before I film my brand new Special in Tampa, Florida on July 12th. So go there, check out, get all those tickets, subscribe to Gas Digital if you love the show. We do an uncensored and ad free version of the show. You get pre release, you get to chat with a bunch of racists. It's the best. And yeah, go subscribe to gas digital.com, use the promo code WAR and you save a buck or two on your premium membership. And there's at least like four or five episodes that are not available anymore on YouTube or anywhere else. They're exclusive to guest digital subscribers. So if you love the show, go support us.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah. Now, before we jump in to the final four stories of Story wars, you probably think, why is Jay even here? He's eating shit hard. But this is still anybody's game, myself included. Mike, do not lose faith.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't.

[Cypher Sounds]

Because for the final four stories, we go double points.

[Mike Cannon]

Well, one more thing. I don't want to tell you how to run your show, but you should get some software that whoever has the highest score, your name goes to the top. You know what I'm saying?

[Sam Roberts]

Some software.

[Big J Okerson]

That'S kind of like an easy delete replacement.

[Sam Roberts]

Yeah, you can do it automatically with the right software.

[Mike Cannon]

I just like to see my name on the top because that's where it.

[Sam Roberts]

Is for the time being.

[Cypher Sounds]

We like the note.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Great note.

[Cypher Sounds]

Good note, Alex. Well, in case you guys are confused at all before, if you fooled somebody, you got one point. If you guessed the correct person, you got two points. Now that goes double points.

[Mike Cannon]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's a big deal.

[Sam Roberts]

I was confused. I'm glad he cleared that up.

[Cypher Sounds]

The people have spoken and they love it. Alex. Story number five.

[Alex]

Story number five. I once told Jay Z that I was going to do great things because of him. And all he said in response was, quote, I believe you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, could anyone have been more obvious?

[Cypher Sounds]

Dude, this is so obvious. I'm gonna say 97% chance it's Sam Roberts. Because it's so obvious.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

There's no way is it worth it.

[Cypher Sounds]

To Cipher Sounds to get zero points this round to let us all know that Jay Z was like, you got it, kid. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

[Mike Cannon]

For those that don't know me, I am good friends with Jay Z and he does talk like that. But it's not my story.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, was Jay Z at a taping of Bad Boys of comedy?

[Cypher Sounds]

Ooh, not that one. But I was shoulder rubbed by P. Diddy, which in hindsight, it wasn't sexual. I wish it was, though. I would have went to a party.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you ever DJ a party?

[Mike Cannon]

Many.

[Big J Okerson]

Like one of his Diddy party?

[Mike Cannon]

Many? Yeah.

[Sam Roberts]

Oh, boy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What?

[Cypher Sounds]

Really?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What did you see? Tell us something.

[Mike Cannon]

You know me, I'm a square. I don't do drugs, I don't drink.

[Cypher Sounds]

What's funny?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You were completely clear, conscious, noticing everything happening. Perfect.

[Cypher Sounds]

Oh, my gosh. You got to see Bel Biv Devoe, Gang Bang, Foxy Brown. I just throw names out there. Oh, is that when Jada kissed 69 with.

[Mike Cannon]

I was, I was young. I was a young dj. I would usually open up for like Funk Master Flex who did like Diddy Hampton parties or whatever. But they would, like, towards the end of the night, it would start getting like there'd be like another party, you know, I mean like, hey, we're going to the, to the after party. And I was like, nah, that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We're going to the living room.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah. But honestly, all that shit was too druggie for me. That's really why, like, I was like, everybody was like, like, oh, yeah, it.

[Cypher Sounds]

Wasn'T the frivolous gay sex or I'll.

[Big J Okerson]

Go to your children.

[Cypher Sounds]

I'll go to your all ages butt party.

[Mike Cannon]

But I didn't know it was that.

[Cypher Sounds]

It just, I'm not doing cocaine.

[Mike Cannon]

I'm like a backpack hip hop guy. I'm like, underground. I didn't want to go. They. They all had, like, linens, and the. The buttons were, like, way down here.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Like, yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

Going to the after party, I'm like, I'm good. I'm. Let me go to McDonald's, and I'm out. I'm out.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah, McDonald's is great. Get away from a P. Diddy party. It took Lewis's emotions up into that concert debacle.

[Mike Cannon]

The first half, the parts that I were at were the most. They were fire parties. They were great parties. I just. I didn't say for the.

[Sam Roberts]

That's. That's s position. They weren't all bad parties. Some were great.

[Big J Okerson]

Some were the most fun you could have.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, S. Like Jay Z once said to you, I believe you. I mean, I'm getting the vote and going. If it's not Cipher sounds, God bless whoever else this is on the panel.

[Cypher Sounds]

I'm trying to think of how he affected anyone else's life. Hey, just to throw a monkey wrench in the works here. I met Jay Z many times when I was first coming to New York because Kevin Hart was doing Paper Soldiers, the movie Rockefeller, and I would go with him, the Rockefeller, like, three, four days a week for, like, couple months.

[Sam Roberts]

Did you tell him maybe.

[Mike Cannon]

I once told Jay Z I was going to do great things because reading.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It again, like an asshole sucker. Here you go. Cipher sounds. Those are turntables, not nipples.

[Big J Okerson]

He also had no idea how to play the game before he got here, so he definitely was like, we should give easily identifiable stories, right?

[Sam Roberts]

This is just a good story.

[Cypher Sounds]

Big Jerry.

[Mike Cannon]

I would say Big J, I guess.

[Big J Okerson]

Because Big J for the name.

[Mike Cannon]

Big J's the one I could see.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Big J is the only one that you don't have to convince anymore. We all have already voted.

[Mike Cannon]

You all feel me? You all put me. Wait, how do I. Do I score if you're wrong?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No.

[Mike Cannon]

Oh, I don't score if you're wrong. I don't know how this game works.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay should have timed his picture drawing.

[Mike Cannon]

But I know it's not me, so I got to get.

[Sam Roberts]

Nobody's wrong except you. You're not gonna get any points.

[Mike Cannon]

You've been as serious a long time. So you could have. You could bump into Jay Z.

[Sam Roberts]

When has he been serious?

[Mike Cannon]

I already. I came locked, right? I can't even change it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, Big J, that's actually a racist. Wrong J. No, I mean, those lips and nose are way too.

[Mike Cannon]

He's drawing Kanye's merch.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's Jay Z.

[Cypher Sounds]

This is Cypher Sounds and Jay Z talking.

[Big J Okerson]

The craziest picture I've ever seen.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It is.

[Cypher Sounds]

It's like, I believe Dr. Seuss drew worse.

[Big J Okerson]

His nose looks like a bass cleft.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Cypher Sounds]

I promise you, you superimpose this picture over a picture of Jay Z. It lines up.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's. That's how they used to draw black people in the 30s, Jay. Jesus Christ.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah, that's what. Jason.

[Mike Cannon]

Now I think it's Mike. Now I think it's Mike.

[Sam Roberts]

You do?

[Cypher Sounds]

Well, everyone's answers are in.

[Mike Cannon]

All right. Answers in.

[Cypher Sounds]

Alex.

[Mike Cannon]

Is it Mike?

[Alex]

Wow. You guys.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Sam Ross.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No.

[Sam Roberts]

I'm so good at this. I mean, what?

[Mike Cannon]

I should. What?

[Cypher Sounds]

Now I'm gonna get canceled for that drawing for nothing?

[Mike Cannon]

Wait, was I right? Because you had been a serious. A long time.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, that is crazy.

[Sam Roberts]

Yeah. And the only reason I would never tell that story, the only reason I told that story is I knew Sif was on the panel.

[Mike Cannon]

And then you fucking worked good, you slick. I told you. I told you it wasn't me, right? I told everybody it wasn't me.

[Sam Roberts]

I was a. This was. I was still. I would like to say I was getting out of my bitch phase, but still clearly in it, you know, as a younger man.

[Cypher Sounds]

Was your mother holding you when you said this to him?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Sam Roberts]

I waited in line at an autograph signing because I loved. I was obsessed with Jay Z at the time, and I didn't know what to do when I finally got up to him at the table, and I was like, I'm gonna do great things because of you. And he just looked up from his signature. It was like, at maybe a Barnes and Noble. I don't know. It was in the city. Might have been the Virgin.

[Mike Cannon]

It was for his book.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Book.

[Sam Roberts]

Maybe. I don't know. I don't know.

[Mike Cannon]

It had to be a book.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was Barnes and Nobles. Must have been a book.

[Cypher Sounds]

I'm picturing maybe.

[Sam Roberts]

Yeah. But whatever. He was signing. And then he looked up and he said, I believe you.

[Cypher Sounds]

And you know why? He's like, okay, because you were a white with two parents.

[Sam Roberts]

That's right.

[Cypher Sounds]

He looked up. He was like, I'll take your word for it, kiddo.

[Mike Cannon]

This had to be a long time ago.

[Sam Roberts]

It was a long time.

[Mike Cannon]

Because he wouldn't sign autographs past, like, the third, like, go to a signing. I think it's a book.

[Sam Roberts]

It might have been the book.

[Mike Cannon]

I think it was decoded. He had a book.

[Sam Roberts]

Might have been decoded, yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm pissed.

[Sam Roberts]

You should be.

[Mike Cannon]

That's crazy.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yo, double points just wreck.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, I don't think. Did anybody vote for Sam?

[Cypher Sounds]

No.

[Sam Roberts]

No, they didn't.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sam just pulled. No, they didn't. Ahead of the pack. Holy Alex. We're a points after that. Damn.

[Sam Roberts]

I rule.

[Cypher Sounds]

Before you read the points, would you argue?

[Sam Roberts]

Is it.

[Cypher Sounds]

Not even argue. Is Sam, what we call over here at Story wars right now, pitching a perfect game?

[Alex]

Right now Sam is not pitching a perfect game. He guessed wrong in round four.

[Cypher Sounds]

All right, all right.

[Mike Cannon]

He's gonna win.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We don't know it's anybody's game.

[Sam Roberts]

I told you I was going for the book.

[Cypher Sounds]

Why is it anyone's game, Louis?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Because of double points.

[Sam Roberts]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Mike Cannon]

The fast. The fast.

[Cypher Sounds]

Stop. As a wrestling fan, when we did the show, and thank you to everybody out in la, when we did this at the Comedy Store, the fans came out, they were wearing double point shirts and holding signs.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So it was so funny.

[Cypher Sounds]

God damn it, that's funny.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it was really fun. We're gonna do more of these on the road.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, I gotta do something with my life.

[Cypher Sounds]

You guys love the story wars.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You guys having a good time?

[Mike Cannon]

Killing it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, what are where our points at?

[Alex]

All right on the scoreboard. In last place with three points, Big.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

J. Ok, right off, you're gonna lose our book.

[Cypher Sounds]

Okay, so obviously I cry at train concerts. My mom just passed.

[Alex]

In fourth place with four points, Mike Cannon.

[Cypher Sounds]

Damn.

[Big J Okerson]

Thanks, guys.

[Cypher Sounds]

That was worse than no reaction.

[Alex]

In third place with five points, Luis J. Gomez.

[Cypher Sounds]

You're eating too.

[Alex]

In second place with eight points, Cipher Sounds. And in the lead with 15 points, Sam Roberts.

[Sam Roberts]

I love the book.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sam keeps on looking at the book too.

[Cypher Sounds]

I want the book and Sam also. Not only you get the book, we should always tell you if you win. What the. If you win here at Story wars, you also, as a story warrior, gain the privilege to spark double points.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You gotta be in store warrior to do it.

[Sam Roberts]

That's huge.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Well done. On the LA episode is so funny. Adam Wright didn't know this, so he just. So he, he did so much build.

[Cypher Sounds]

Up, he did it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Literally everyone just dead faced him in the crowd. There was no music. It ruled. And me and Jay the whole time were like, oh boy.

[Cypher Sounds]

I was looking at him going like, this is gonna go so bad. And he was like, so that means you get this before and now you get this, but now you get double point. And the crowd just looked at him and we're like, yeah, you gotta, you gotta win the game to be able to do It.

[Mike Cannon]

They didn't make noise because you didn't technically say finish it. You were telling a story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, it's a double point.

[Mike Cannon]

It's like when you. It's like when you say the N word in the news about someone who said the N word.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yes.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes, you're right. That's how we say the N word.

[Cypher Sounds]

I'm just, I'm just Paul Revere, man. I'm telling you what I heard. I don't know. I was, I wasn't there. A guy told me. Guy works in the garage told me. Hey, real quick, let's talk about one of our awesome sponsors here at Story Awards, and that is Via Hemp. Via Hemp has literally changed your life, Louis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I love Via Hemp.

[Cypher Sounds]

This is one of our, one of our sponsors that you really subscribe to.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, well, I love their gummies that have cbd, cbn. They have other ones that have like L theanine, depending what, depending on what your need is. Vi Hemp has a gummy that can cover your needs. I use the ones for focus sometimes that have lion's mane. I usually go to sleep sometimes. It just depends on what your thing is. But you don't have to use the THC ones. They also have THC ones and they have THC free gummies, which I use, but they also have THC flower, they have topicals, calming drops. All crafted with the highest quality hemp sourced from trusted independently owned American farms. Big deal folks.

[Cypher Sounds]

Also, it legally ships to nearly all the states in the US and discreet packaging directly to your door with a worry free guarantee. And you don't need a medical card. That's a big deal. So if you're 21 over.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, I was gonna say you got to be 21 plus make sure you guys are 21 and over to get it. But they have a genuinely incredible product and we give you an amazing discount on it. If you go to via co wars with a Z, that's V I I A dot co W a R Z and use the code wars with a Z. When you check out, you're gonna get 15 off. And if you're a new via customer, you get a free gift of your choice.

[Cypher Sounds]

Oh, that's a big deal stuff.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Once again, via great company. Support them. Click that link, use that promo code wars with a z and save 15. All right, where were we? Are we at story number seven?

[Cypher Sounds]

No, story number six.

[Sam Roberts]

I wish we were at seven.

[Alex]

Story number six. I quit taking trumpet lessons in elementary school because my teacher's nose was Distractingly large. My mom was upset until she saw the teacher, then she understood.

[Cypher Sounds]

Sounds like Mama Roberts coming in to fucking save her boy again.

[Sam Roberts]

You're right, honey. It is distracting.

[Cypher Sounds]

Oh my. Oh, my. I was gonna be upset with you, but you're right. This is a very puzzling note.

[Big J Okerson]

A teacher with a schnoz.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

A Jewish trumpet teacher.

[Mike Cannon]

Mike Cannon. Come on, guys.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

There's a lot of words, there's a lot of sentences, there's a lot of punctuation. Yeah, that is a canon trait.

[Cypher Sounds]

I'm going to tell you why I'm saying cypher sounds. Yeah, I don't. Louis, for the best of my knowledge, never played the trumpet. He played the drums. A Hispanic family wants that kid to play trumpets? No, they're there telling you this. No, they're there.

[Big J Okerson]

That's a big brass culture.

[Cypher Sounds]

It's a big brass culture. You're not wrong. The brass section.

[Mike Cannon]

I wasn't a fan of Gran Campbell.

[Cypher Sounds]

So this feels like. And then your mom goes, oh. Oh, mijo is grande. Is mas grande.

[Sam Roberts]

Distractingly large. Feels like something seif would say.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, Cyphe hasn't had any stories yet. This is crazy.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah.

[Sam Roberts]

Mike.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Sam Roberts]

Did you ever play the trumpet?

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Sam Roberts]

You never took one lesson?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No.

[Sam Roberts]

Do you ever?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Ever?

[Big J Okerson]

I took the stand up bass.

[Mike Cannon]

Is he allowed to tell us the truth?

[Cypher Sounds]

Sure. He can lie here.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He can lie.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, he would. He should lie.

[Sam Roberts]

Yeah.

[Cypher Sounds]

Lewis played the skin flute. He's not offering that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Don't be an. I told you that in private while I was sucking your dick.

[Cypher Sounds]

I know. Also, that's more of a woodwind.

[Big J Okerson]

That was a real fun back and forth.

[Sam Roberts]

Did you ever play the trumpet?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I played the viola in elementary school. Jason, thanks for not yelling at. And I was great at the viola.

[Big J Okerson]

Why didn't you just go full violin?

[Cypher Sounds]

Because the Asian kids were there.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I wanted. I wanted to be different.

[Big J Okerson]

There was no path to success.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I've always wanted to be different. I didn't want to do what everyone was doing.

[Mike Cannon]

Wait, viola's bigger than violin?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Slightly bigger.

[Cypher Sounds]

It's the base of the violin.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's not the base of the violin. The bass is the base of the violin, you fucking dumbass.

[Cypher Sounds]

The electric guitar is the electric guitar. The acoustic guitar.

[Mike Cannon]

No, the B. The viola is the cello of the violin. And the.

[Big J Okerson]

And the bass is the base of the cello.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Cello is to bass as violin is to viola.

[Cypher Sounds]

But the trumpet is solely for. At a family party going.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yo.

[Big J Okerson]

With that technique, I'm changing my answer.

[Cypher Sounds]

C, A D, D, C, A, D. Oh, no. Oh, no.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It could be anybody's game here.

[Cypher Sounds]

I'm going for cipher sale.

[Sam Roberts]

Yeah, I don't. Yeah, I don't think it's Louis because you knew so much about the strings that there's no way that you played brass.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wait, wait, I didn't play brass. I believe you. I played fifth grade. You can start taking brass.

[Mike Cannon]

Wait, if it's you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And that's when I started taking drums.

[Mike Cannon]

If it's you, you put someone else's name, right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

Does that. You can't vote for yourself, obviously. I'm saying. I'm going Mike Cannon, man.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm going Mike Cannon. All right, if it's you, I can.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Write someone else, but I think safe is not that smart.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yo, if this is Sam Roberts.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Everyone says Cypher. You know, my instinct initially was Mike Cannon. I don't. I think Cypher was just playing around there.

[Sam Roberts]

And if you also vote Siphon, we're all wrong. You'll give him all those points. You're better to sacrifice yourself, yourself.

[Cypher Sounds]

You're doing the right thing, Lewis. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're doing the right thing, Mike Cannon. Wordy ass story. That's what I said.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, sorry.

[Cypher Sounds]

All the answers are in, Alex. Break our hearts.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Mike Cannon.

[Big J Okerson]

Guys, this is a real writing intervention for me. I gotta cut some out.

[Mike Cannon]

You're too goddamn wordy, Mike.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Like, and it was good because you did have the. The instrument right there. You're like, no.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I did play string bass too.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Nice.

[Big J Okerson]

But then it was because I took trumpet for two. Two weeks in fourth grade. And the teacher. This isn't anti semitic. It's actually racist. The teacher. The teacher's nose was like the width of his face.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's a black guy.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it was like a per. It was. And I just. I honestly, like, as a 10 year old kid, I couldn't get past it.

[Mike Cannon]

Focus.

[Big J Okerson]

So I quit. I told my mom I just couldn't do it. And she was livid. Met the teacher, was like, I totally understand what you're talking about.

[Mike Cannon]

Wow, it was that distracting.

[Big J Okerson]

It was crazy, dude. He had a huge bell pepper on his face. It was nuts.

[Cypher Sounds]

You can't play trumpet like that.

[Mike Cannon]

No, no. Was he a good play trumpet?

[Cypher Sounds]

He goes, you can't be expected to play trumpet like that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Learning about the spit valve and this guy's nose inflated like it was crazy.

[Cypher Sounds]

I'm sorry, I can't. I can't listen to hear what you're saying over your breathing. Daryl Strawberry, Alex, where Are our points.

[Alex]

At okay on the scoreboard? In last place with three points, Big J Okerson.

[Mike Cannon]

What?

[Cypher Sounds]

Can I get a point for guessing that Cypher definitely played flamenco trumpet?

[Mike Cannon]

Flamenco trumpet.

[Alex]

In fourth place with eight points, Mike Cannon.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll take it. I'm in striking distance.

[Cypher Sounds]

Wait, you are?

[Sam Roberts]

Wait, can I say why doesn't Mike have.

[Big J Okerson]

Because I got people fooled.

[Sam Roberts]

You see, Wouldn't you have more?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, he only fooled two people.

[Sam Roberts]

Why does Seif get Seif have 12?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Because he guessed right. So he gets four points for guessing right.

[Cypher Sounds]

The investment in the audience of this show makes me so happy and I will say I don't think people at home will hear it, but I went jokingly, can I get a point for guessing that he played trumpet? And someone in the back of this room went, no. That's not how the game works, dog.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Go ahead, Alex.

[Alex]

In third place with nine points, Luis J. Gomez. In second place with 12 points, Cifa Sounds.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And in the lead with 15 points, Sam Roberts.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Man, it's anybody but Jay's game.

[Cypher Sounds]

Shut up. I can't believe I have three points. Can I tell you something for being the co host this game? I'm bad at it. I lose a lot. By a lot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're too honest. And you're bad at guessing.

[Cypher Sounds]

Everybody knows I cry. Why do I keep putting stories about crying at things?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, story number seven.

[Alex]

Story number seven. I once robbed a music store with a friend's older brother who was a convicted felon.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Don't be racist.

[Cypher Sounds]

You. You know, I think you think we.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Thought you me or Cipher.

[Cypher Sounds]

I did think cipher.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Cipher. To be honest.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah, I thought cipher.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Again, I'm the friends older.

[Cypher Sounds]

Did you just write it already and put it in?

[Big J Okerson]

I did it. But I did notice Cypher shake his head yes. When you said I think it's cipher, he was like, yeah, yeah, no, me too.

[Cypher Sounds]

I think it's Cypher's not good at. He nodded his head.

[Sam Roberts]

Did you ever rob a music store?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jesus Christ. Thank God they didn't interrogate you.

[Cypher Sounds]

What? No, I wouldn't know.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What's a music store? Say again?

[Cypher Sounds]

Does that sound like what's a music store? Is that like a place where you buy music? Music.

[Mike Cannon]

Like is it a CD store or is it like a place where you get musical instruments?

[Sam Roberts]

Which one was it?

[Big J Okerson]

Was it a Sam Ash?

[Mike Cannon]

It should be mine, but it's not.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Sam Roberts]

Did you have any. Did you have any friends whose siblings were convicted felons?

[Mike Cannon]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, how did you get your first set of turntables.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Ooh, Right. What's a con?

[Mike Cannon]

I was a step. A stepfather. Father that was a stepfather.

[Cypher Sounds]

So when. When he would molest you, he wouldn't take you for ice cream, he would buy you records.

[Mike Cannon]

I didn't get molested. Thank God Mike did.

[Sam Roberts]

He really did. He did. He really not Totally nodded his head.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Also, do you think. Do you think it was because of God that you didn't get molested? Like God allows everyone else to be molested?

[Cypher Sounds]

All I could do now is play Giant Killer. So, yeah, I mean, that sounds.

[Mike Cannon]

Yes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's a very Puerto Rican Bronx.

[Mike Cannon]

It's not me Cipher. It's not me.

[Big J Okerson]

This lacks the conviction of the Jay Z one.

[Mike Cannon]

It's not me. I just want to know, who do.

[Sam Roberts]

You think it is?

[Mike Cannon]

That's what I'm trying to figure out.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Who cares?

[Cypher Sounds]

You don't have to play this game anymore.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We've all voted. You can just write whatever you want.

[Mike Cannon]

It could be Lewis, but it'll also be Jay because he's from Philly.

[Sam Roberts]

Why do you think I ever robbed a music store growing up?

[Big J Okerson]

Sam probably accidentally took a triangle.

[Sam Roberts]

Oh, no. This guitar pick hasn't been paid for.

[Cypher Sounds]

I got to go back, Sam. It's not a big deal. It's like a dollar. No, we got to go. Make the right thing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Votes for Sam Roberts for no reason.

[Mike Cannon]

Not trying. I'm going with Sam because this, you know, it's way. It's too little words for Mike, too many words for Jay.

[Cypher Sounds]

All the answers are in Alex. Why don't you tell them who's back in the game?

[Alex]

No, that story belongs to Big J. Oh, my God.

[Mike Cannon]

I knew it. Oh, my God.

[Sam Roberts]

Oh, my God.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I should.

[Mike Cannon]

I was gonna put Big J. Fuck. The Philly guest was the Philly because you saw. You said that shit about the pick, so I was like, oh, maybe it really was a pick. God damn it.

[Sam Roberts]

It wasn't. That was a joke.

[Cypher Sounds]

This is a. My friend, Little J. That's why I'm called Big J. The saddest part was he wasn't that little, but I was Big J of the two. And his brother, his older brother got out of jail. He was robbed. Wawas in Philadelphia and got caught. And then he did a couple years in jail when he got out.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Worth it, though, For Wawa.

[Cypher Sounds]

For Wawa for sure. Dude. That guy gobblers out the ass. That guy. The Thanksgiving turkey sandwich.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No.

[Cypher Sounds]

All right. It's delicious. It's goddamn delicious. But, yeah, we real quick.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Cold or hot?

[Cypher Sounds]

Hot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

For sure.

[Cypher Sounds]

But with. But with sliced turkey, not those bits they put on.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, come on. I like it the way they intended it.

[Cypher Sounds]

So he robbed wawas, and we come back, and he didn't have a car. And he was just like. We thought he was cool because he was, like, a felon, but he was a lunatic and a dumbass. And one day he took me on a robbery spree, quite honestly. First we went to a music store, and it's the dumbest shit, by the way. He was looking around the store, trying guitars and stuff. He also went to jail in the late 80s and came out in the mid-90s, but didn't know that any style had changed. So this guy would wear a rock and roll wig with bangs every day and half tops with, like, tight jeans. He dressed like Def Leppard. And I was dicking around with drumsticks in the music store while he was playing guitar stuff. And he goes. He goes, you like these sticks? I go, drumsticks? I was like, yeah, sure. And he goes, sticks them in his back pocket. He's wearing a half top. They're just sticking out. And he just walks out of the store. And the people who work there see it happen. They're like, sir. And I just had to be like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. And I just left with him. And then we drove to a liquor store after that. And he goes, wait here. And I came out, and he came out with two cases. This guy had no job. I didn't think any. I'm just such a dumb, naive idiot. He came out with two cases, and he puts it in the back seat of my car and gets ready. He goes, all right, drive. And I went, hey, tonight we should all go see a movie. He's like, drive. Drive. And I'm like. And then. And then later that day, Little Jay came by my house and knocked on the door. And he goes, I heard you help brother rob a liquor store today. And I'm like, it does make sense when I hear it back. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Also, him stealing drumsticks for you is not you helping him rob a music store. A little bit of an exaggeration.

[Cypher Sounds]

I unwittingly helped. I confused him more by going, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

You were the diversion, Alex.

[Mike Cannon]

Damn it.

[Alex]

On the scoreboard, in last place, with eight points, Mike Cannon.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow, that hurt more than it should have.

[Alex]

In fourth place, with nine points, Louis J. Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

How did big J overTake me in.

[Alex]

Third place with 11 points, Big J Okerson.

[Mike Cannon]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Anybody's game really is.

[Alex]

In second place with 12 points, Sypha Sound. And still in the lead with 15 points, Sam Roberts.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But Sam hasn't won a single story since the first story in the second game.

[Sam Roberts]

It's getting very stressful.

[Cypher Sounds]

It is now officially anybody's game, and if you think that's not important, if you win, you get autonomy. The quest to build a driverless car, and how will reshape our world. The book's garnered praise for its comprehensive narrative and engaging storytelling. Brian Merchant, author of the One Device, describes it as a fascinating hybrid. Part freewheeling history of a rise of modern autonomous vehicle, part intimate memoir from an insider who was on the front lines of much of that history.

[Sam Roberts]

That's why I want it. It's the intimate memoir part is the part. Of course I want to read that. I want to read that.

[Cypher Sounds]

We saved the big self for the end.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, we're on our final story. Story number eight.

[Alex]

Story number eight. I almost hooked up with one of the Cheetah Girls, the one that started a tween workout DVD series.

[Cypher Sounds]

Now, again, Cypher just did this and looked at the screen. He went, who's in the vicinity of these people?

[Mike Cannon]

Well, I don't even know what the Cheetah Girls are.

[Sam Roberts]

Okay. All right.

[Cypher Sounds]

Several music to go.

[Mike Cannon]

Ham, ham, ham, ham.

[Cypher Sounds]

To. It's the Cheetah Girls.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I actually don't know who the Cheetah Girls are. Who?

[Mike Cannon]

I don't. I don't know who the Cheetah is.

[Big J Okerson]

That Nicole Scherzinger.

[Cypher Sounds]

Oh, I'm thinking. Isn't that. Don't you think?

[Sam Roberts]

No, that's the cat dog.

[Cypher Sounds]

Oh, I don't know who this is.

[Sam Roberts]

The Cheetah Girls are like. Aren't they on the Disney Channel?

[Cypher Sounds]

Well, it's allowed to look it up, by the way.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay is a Cheetah guy.

[Cypher Sounds]

Cheetah Girl.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Che. Che. Cheater.

[Mike Cannon]

Almost hooked up with Che. But it's music, though, right? It has to be music.

[Sam Roberts]

Okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If it said Chester Cheetah, it would be Jay.

[Mike Cannon]

I'm Chester Cheetah. This.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This looks like the Chester Cheetah.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah, he was wearing a dress. He was hiding, trying to steal Cheetos. I fell for the outfit. I just kept it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Come on, guys.

[Cypher Sounds]

I just kept it myself because, like, whatever I got got 2025.

[Sam Roberts]

Mike, you like the Cheetah Girls?

[Big J Okerson]

What? I just looked them up. I've never. I know. Were they in the 90s or the early 2000s oh, it's Mike. I actually think it's you because they look like ruinable women. You know what? Like, they're like. Do you know what I mean? Like, they look like they would fall for your shit.

[Cypher Sounds]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, I don't think we've ever had somebody not have a story. And Cypher's not had a single story yet. But there's no rule that Cypher stories would get chosen. It's all randomized.

[Sam Roberts]

When did you start, like, interacting with celebrities where you could have almost hooked up with a celebrity?

[Mike Cannon]

96.

[Sam Roberts]

Okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

How hot are the Cheetah Girls? Are they hot?

[Sam Roberts]

I mean, they were.

[Mike Cannon]

I think I'm saying Mike. Mike knows who they are.

[Big J Okerson]

No, because I think they probably fell out of fame. Lewis met them at some weird place where he was selling tickets, and then he tried to bang her. Almost did. And then the next week, she was successful enough to forget that ever happened.

[Sam Roberts]

That's a good theory.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Oh, they're pretty hot. Hell, yeah. Except for two of them.

[Sam Roberts]

Because you could.

[Mike Cannon]

Although Mike looked it up.

[Sam Roberts]

It could have been before they were famous, though.

[Big J Okerson]

Totally. Or I think it was in between. It was before it was, like, as the show or whatever that is faded out. And before the DVD workout series. Apparently.

[Sam Roberts]

You're talking about the tween one.

[Big J Okerson]

The tween one.

[Cypher Sounds]

I'm gonna go with Cypher sounds and the represent that I drew. A Mexican bandito having sex with a cheetah with tits.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I'm also going cipher sounds.

[Sam Roberts]

I think it's safe. But, you know, I could have hooked up. Almost hooked up with a girl, too. Just so it could have been me.

[Cypher Sounds]

Too, I guess technically could have been all of us because we all totally get.

[Sam Roberts]

And yeah, like, it could have easily been me.

[Mike Cannon]

It's definitely Mike.

[Sam Roberts]

Might have been me. I'd be a good guess.

[Cypher Sounds]

Mike, you're from New York your whole life, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Cypher Sounds]

Which is you're from what, New York your whole life. Which I think this has a lot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

To do with that Cheetah Girl. Central.

[Sam Roberts]

Rock.

[Cypher Sounds]

Cheetah Girls weren't around South Jers. All the answers are in for our final story. Alex, that story belongs to.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Cypha sound.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yes. Yes.

[Mike Cannon]

Do I get points?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you get points for fooling one.

[Big J Okerson]

I was off by one Puerto Rican.

[Cypher Sounds]

A day late in a Puerto Rican short. That's the story of your life, bro.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So what happened? What? With this. What happened? You almost hooked up with her.

[Mike Cannon]

So I would, when I was on Sirius satellite radio, shout out. She Came up to promote. She came up to promote her tween workout. Dc that's literally the first time I ever heard the word tween.

[Sam Roberts]

The one you mean. You're talking about the one that started a tween workout dvd.

[Big J Okerson]

Was she a tween or was the audience she was trying to get.

[Mike Cannon]

No, no, shape tween. She was older than a tween. But that's literally the first time I ever heard the word tween. I was like, what the fuck is a tween cypher?

[Cypher Sounds]

Just for the argument's sake, just throw us the age.

[Mike Cannon]

Her age?

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

I don't know. So that was.

[Sam Roberts]

Was this at a Diddy party? What was he.

[Cypher Sounds]

I'm just giving you now, for argument's sake, to say definitely over 18.

[Mike Cannon]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, she had to be like. She was probably 25.

[Cypher Sounds]

Giving too much thought, though. I go, how old was she? And you go, what state are we in?

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, she had to be. She had to be 25.

[Sam Roberts]

Queen is between 20s and 30s, right?

[Cypher Sounds]

She was tween 20, 30 tween adult decades.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

25 years old.

[Mike Cannon]

She wasn't.

[Cypher Sounds]

She wasn't what? She was.

[Mike Cannon]

She wasn't the tween. She was just making videos for the tweens.

[Cypher Sounds]

She was shitting.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I want to be fair. I made some videos for some tweens.

[Cypher Sounds]

But I was a tween.

[Mike Cannon]

No, she. We exchanged.

[Sam Roberts]

She said on the thing. She was like, I'm here to promote my workout for tweens.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah. She had like, a dvd and it was like, you know, little girl workout.

[Big J Okerson]

She's like. And since you have an audience of all tween girls.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah. What?

[Big J Okerson]

Cipher sounds Joe, shout out Tweez.

[Mike Cannon]

Why the fuck did they come to the hip hop show on shade 45 to promote the tweet?

[Sam Roberts]

She's probably doing Opie and Anthony after.

[Mike Cannon]

But that is Anthony.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Or at least one of them.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah. Hey, tweens, why don't you show me how much of this wiffle ball bat you could take up your box?

[Mike Cannon]

No.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

How did you almost hook up with her?

[Mike Cannon]

Because we exchanged numbers and we were flirting, and then she was like. She had a. She had a show that night. And I fucking. I think I was right when I started stand up. So I had a. When I didn't get a lot of stage time, so I was like, hey, I'm gonna go do this show and then I'll go meet you. And she's like, no, you need to come now. The timing. And I just fucked it Up. And then. And then after I was done, I started texting her and she would just not responded.

[Cypher Sounds]

Wow.

[Mike Cannon]

Fucking.

[Big J Okerson]

I was pissed you missed her show at Forever 21.

[Cypher Sounds]

She's performing in the lobby of the Willowbrook Mall.

[Mike Cannon]

She was like, come. She was like, come hang out on my tour bus. She was on a tour bus? I'm an idiot, right?

[Sam Roberts]

Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

Damn it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I love how she was treating you like a little groupie slut.

[Cypher Sounds]

Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

But that was like my first.

[Cypher Sounds]

Hey, I don't have a lot of time, but you could probably come give me some head or whatever. Yeah, I'll come. Him, him, him, him, him.

[Mike Cannon]

That was like my. That was like my first, like, non hip hop celebrity throwing me some action, you know?

[Cypher Sounds]

I mean, but it wasn't the last.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't. I couldn't keep a score with my head, so I genuinely don't know who won. Alex, don't put it on the screen. Just let us know. Wait, what'd you verbally.

[Sam Roberts]

Don't worry about it.

[Alex]

All right.

[Sam Roberts]

And last, anticipation.

[Mike Cannon]

Oh, you put sight. I saw. Yeah. Fuck. You won.

[Alex]

In last place with eight points, Mike Cannon.

[Mike Cannon]

Mike Cannon.

[Cypher Sounds]

Oh, I mean, respectable.

[Big J Okerson]

Thanks, guys. You've shown me love all night.

[Alex]

In fourth place, with 13 points, Louis J. Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's a lot of points for a.

[Sam Roberts]

Four amount of points.

[Mike Cannon]

A lot of points.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

People have won with 13 points.

[Alex]

In third place, with 14 points, cipher sounds.

[Sam Roberts]

That's good.

[Alex]

With 15 points. In second place, I have Big J Okerson making your winner tonight with 19 points, Sam Roberts.

[Sam Roberts]

Yeah. Can I just say, for the record, please?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Sam Roberts]

Thank God for double points.

[Cypher Sounds]

Sam. As a story warrior, not only do you take home the privilege of double points, but you take home autonomy, the quest to build the driverless car, and how will we reshape our world? The Wall Street Journal highlights the book's combination of memoir and visionary insights, noting that Byrne's firsthand experience with autonomous car projects contributes to some of the most engaging sections of the narrative. That's yours, buddy. Yes. Sam Roberts takes that. Yes.

[Sam Roberts]

That's a good book.

[Cypher Sounds]

All the members are going to sign it. The people that did the show. Thank you so much. Have a big round of applause for all of our guests tonight, everybody. The great Mike Cannon, the legend Cypher Sounds, and the hilarious Sam Roberts. Everybody, Your newest story, Warrior. He goes in the annals of the story wars. Thank you guys so much for hanging out with us and we will catch you next time. We're here every Wednesday at the Stan Comedy Club Live. We're gonna be bringing these more on the road. Thank you so much for being here. And until next time, good night, everybody. Thank you.

[Sam Roberts]

Good night.

[Mike Cannon]

Sa.