033. Aaron Berg, Na'im Ali, & Rich Vos | Dirty

Summary

Podcast Summary: Story Warz Episode 033 – Aaron Berg, Na'im Ali, & Rich Vos | Dirty

Release Date: March 21, 2025

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Introduction and Setup

In Episode 033 of Story Warz, hosted by the GaS Digital Network, comedians Big Jay Oakerson and Lewis J. Gomez welcome listeners to a live recording at The Stand Comedy Club in New York City. They introduce themselves as the Story Warriors and set the stage for an engaging and hilariously competitive episode centered around “dirty” stories.

Introducing the Guests

The hosts introduce the episode's contestants with vibrant enthusiasm:

1. Aaron Berg – Known from "Frantic at the Stand" and popular across YouTube.
2. Na'im Ali – A familiar voice from the "Durag and Deer Tag" podcast.
3. Rich Vos – New Jersey’s own, recognized from the "My Wife Hates Me" podcast and his latest comedy special, "30 Minutes with Rich Voss".

Gameplay Mechanics

Story Warz is a game of deceptive storytelling where each panelist submits multiple stories on a given subject—in this episode, “Dirty Jersey”. The producer, Alex, reads these stories randomly. If a story belongs to a panelist, that person attempts to deceive others by presenting it as someone else’s. Conversely, if the story is from someone else, the panelists must guess its true owner. Points are awarded for correct guesses and successfully deceiving others.

Round Highlights

Round 1: Story #1 ([09:57] - [13:19])

Story: A story about dry heaving after sex due to a woman's smell.

• Big Jay Oakerson muses, "This does sound like a Jewish story." ([10:09])
• Lewis J. Gomez immediately suspects it’s Rich Vos, leading to laughter and playful accusations.
• Rich Vos reacts humorously, highlighting the comedic tension.

Notable Quote:

• Big Jay Oakerson: "If this is Naim or Lewis, I'd be blown away. This is me, Berg or Voss for sure." ([10:09])

Round 2: Story #2 ([20:18] - [32:46])

Story: A booger in a kiss leads to realizing it’s in the mouth.

• The panel debates racial stereotypes, with Lewis expressing discomfort: "If a girl's got a booger in her nose or a piece of toilet paper in her ass, my dick gets soft right away." ([23:07])
• Na'im Ali vehemently denies the accusation, leading to humorous back-and-forths about personal hygiene and racial nuances.

Notable Quote:

• Naim Ali: "We don't deal with no boogers. Boogies." ([25:37])

Round 3: Story #3 ([31:35] - [43:04])

Story: A childhood bully destroys a Penthouse magazine by throwing it into a mud pit, prompting a heroic rescue.

• Lewis J. Gomez shares a nostalgic yet exaggerated tale involving community efforts and personal heroism.
• The panel engages in playful skepticism, questioning the authenticity and consistency of the story.

Notable Quote:

• Lewis J. Gomez: "They throw away the only book I know how to read." ([32:34])

Round 4: Story #4 ([44:17] - [73:04])

Story: Pissing out straight blood at age 11, leading to misinterpretations about health and personal struggles.

• Big Jay Oakerson and Lewis suspect Rich Vos, emphasizing his comedic style and past experiences.
• Na'im Ali eventually reveals his personal experience, adding depth and authenticity to the storytelling.

Notable Quote:

• Naim Ali: "I thought I had AIDS, but I wasn't even yet." ([107:37])

Round 5: Story #5 ([73:04] - [100:21])

Story: Attempting to sell a bag of actual grass for money to fund drugs, which turns out to be a failed scam.

• Accusations fly between hosts, with Lewis targeting Rich Vos for his gritty narrative style.
• The panel dissects the authenticity, debating motives and past behaviors to identify the true storyteller.

Notable Quote:

• Lewis J. Gomez: "This is a crazy Aaron Berg." ([74:07])

Round 6: Story #6 ([100:21] - [110:54])

Story: Bringing a homeless girl home, fearing she has AIDS, but learning her secret was a non-threatening issue.

• Rich Vos narrates a tale blending fear, deception, and relief, showcasing his storytelling prowess.
• The panel finalizes their guesses, leading to significant point shifts.

Notable Quote:

• Rich Vos: "I wear this with honor." ([110:50])

Round 7: Story #7 ([112:00] onwards)

Story: Taking a girl to a roadside motel, deceiving her about availability, and managing the aftermath.

• Sticky accusations point towards Rich Vos as the likely author, given the nature of the story.
• The competitive edge heightens as points skyrocket, especially for Rich Vos.

Notable Quote:

• Lewis J. Gomez: "This is some dirt ball." ([96:12])

Scoring Progression

Throughout the game, Rich Vos consistently outshines his competitors, leveraging both accurate guesses and effective deception. His strategic moves in the latter rounds secure him a commanding lead, ultimately culminating in an impressive 22 points, making him the undisputed Story Warrior of the episode.

Winner Announcement and Conclusion

As the final points tally, Rich Vos emerges victorious with 22 points, narrowly surpassing Big Jay Oakerson and Aaron Berg, both tied at 10 points, and Lewis J. Gomez at 11 points. His dominant performance secures him the prize: "The Magician's Lie" by Greer McAllister.

Notable Quote:

• Rich Vos: "To say, I'm a storyteller. And let me tell you something. I wear this with honor." ([110:50])

The episode wraps up with high-energy banter, endorsements for upcoming shows, and humorous reflections on the intense gameplay. The camaraderie and competitive spirit among the panelists underscore the entertaining dynamic that Story Warz is celebrated for.

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This detailed summary encapsulates the essence of Episode 033, highlighting the competitive storytelling, humorous exchanges, and the triumphant rise of Rich Vos as the standout Story Warrior. Listeners who haven't tuned in will find this overview both informative and engaging, capturing the key moments and vibrant interactions that define the episode.

Transcript

[Big J Okerson]

The Sleep number smart bed is the.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Best bed for couples. And there's a good reason for that.

[Big J Okerson]

Only Sleep number smart beds let you choose your ideal comfort and support on your side of the bed. Firmer or softer on either side. Sleep number does that. Perhaps you want your side cooler and your partner wants their side warmer.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sleep number does that too.

[Big J Okerson]

You choose what's right for you, making.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It the best bed for the both of you.

[Big J Okerson]

The sleep number smart bed will even automatically respond and adjust to your movements to help you sleep comfortably all night long. Your smart bed will even learn how you sleep and provide you personalized insights to help you sleep even better. Why choose a sleep number smart bed? So you can choose your ideal comfort on either side. Sleep number smart beds start at $9.99. Price is higher in Alaska and Hawaii.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Exclusively at a sleep number store near you. See store or sleepnumber.com for details.

[Naim Ali]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Ladies and gentlemen, live from the comedy dojo in New Jersey, it's Story wars with the Story Warriors, Big J Okerson and Lewis J. Coleman.

[Big J Okerson]

What's up, New Jersey? Welcome to Story War.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The first ever New Jersey Story wars in history. Sir, uncross your arms. You're in the front row. You don't have food for me, you better uncross those arms.

[Big J Okerson]

He did look very angry for no reason. This better be fucking worth my time, Big J Okerson, of course. This is the Puerto Rican rattlesnake, Louis J. Gomez. We are the Story Warriors.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is incredible.

[Big J Okerson]

Make some noise in this room. If you're familiar with Story Wars, I.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Like that they know they're very exc. This is the. They broke a record here. There's never been more racist white people in one room in the entire state of New Jersey.

[Big J Okerson]

We did it. We fucking did it. Everybody, we're gonna explain the game. If you're not aware of the game when we get our contestants up here, why don't we get our panel up? In no particular order of importance, everyone, our first guest. You know him from Frantic at the Stand and his latest comedy is all over YouTube. Make some noise for the hilarious Aaron Ber.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Our next contestant, you know and love from the Durag and Deer Tag podcast, put your hands together for Naim Ali.

[Big J Okerson]

Keep it moving.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hip hop.

[Big J Okerson]

You can't stop this type of movement. I'm a storyteller, so let me get right into it. About this time, I'm almost died over some Gucci.

[Aaron Berg]

Say what, brown skin? It was this cutie.

[Big J Okerson]

She threw up A CR to me come through. But damn it, I knew better. Granted, I'm too level, but I'm on Billy. I'm ready.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Rub. Naim rubbed his penis on everyone's neck. Coming to the stage.

[Big J Okerson]

Welcome, white people. Naim's got just the mustache. The mustache is making a thing now.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, that's it.

[Big J Okerson]

It's coming back big. You have chin hair also.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I have no chin hair.

[Big J Okerson]

Are you just doing just a mustache?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Just a mustache for months, my friend.

[Big J Okerson]

I hate it.

[Naim Ali]

I'mma tell you. I'm aj. No, I'm going tell you. I'm going tell you something. You might not know what this is. We're Viltrumites now. That's what we are. You don't know what that is? A lot of people don't know what that is yet. But you will know.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's the stuff they eat in Australia. It's delicious.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you know what that is?

[Aaron Berg]

I'm guessing it's a worse word than the N word, but.

[Big J Okerson]

And it hasn't come across our path yet.

[Naim Ali]

Not yet. Give it a couple months.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, I'll hang in there. Our final guest coming to the stage from the My Wife Hates Me podcast. This new special, 30 Minutes with Rich Voss, now available on YouTube. New Jersey's own the Little Living legend, Rich Boss.

[Rich Voss]

Thank you for having me. We quit the podcast, so that credit is done. I have a better special on Amazon. See? Maybe. If you guys ask me, I would have fucking told you my good credits.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, well, you did shut down. I will say it's pretty funny. When the flyer for this show went out.

[Rich Voss]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't ask you to do any promotion for it or anything, but I got a DM from you with the flyer sent to me, and it goes. It's already sold out. Why do I have to fucking promote it? Yeah, I didn't tell you to do anything.

[Rich Voss]

But here's the thing, okay? Club owner, all right? My job is to be funny, which probably won't happen tonight, but it was sold out, so why do you.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't ask you to promote it, though.

[Rich Voss]

You sent me to fucking fly.

[Big J Okerson]

I sent you nothing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We just wanted you to see yourself, make sure that you approved.

[Rich Voss]

Oh, yeah, I liked it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. By the way, Rich Voss. Rich Voss. On the original episode, the first ever episode of StoryWars, Rich Voss.

[Rich Voss]

Yes. Thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

And am I crazy that Aaron Berg is a story warrior?

[Aaron Berg]

I am a story warrior. That is correct.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Aaron Berg]

Double points.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you, Roots.

[Aaron Berg]

Ah. This trans guy is awesome, man.

[Big J Okerson]

He is awesome. I Don't know if he's trans, but he definitely plays the acoustic guitar.

[Aaron Berg]

It's like.

[Big J Okerson]

And he stares at you while he does it until you acknowledge it with a smile.

[Aaron Berg]

Skinny Andy Fiore.

[Rich Voss]

Look at him. He looks like John Denver if he was stunk by a hornet's nest.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah, poor girl.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Here for his.

[Aaron Berg]

Make a wish, this little trans boy.

[Big J Okerson]

Good for you, miss. Good for you.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah.

[Rich Voss]

How about this guy that was in the picture with a pitchfork?

[Big J Okerson]

Rich.

[Aaron Berg]

We went to junior middle school together.

[Rich Voss]

Hey, what's your. Your name's Ali. Ali what?

[Naim Ali]

Naim Ali.

[Rich Voss]

Well, you're.

[Naim Ali]

You heard the gunshot. When he said it, that's what happened. When I come around, gunshots go off. I don't even know why.

[Rich Voss]

Well, I don't know if you're uncomfortable sitting between two Jews, but here's the thing.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, man. Oh, man. I should have known it.

[Rich Voss]

We're gonna occupy your seat soon.

[Aaron Berg]

Look how confused this guy is. He's like, why is that guy made of chocolate?

[Big J Okerson]

This is like the lease signing for every apartment Naim's ever gotten.

[Aaron Berg]

So this felony is gone. Is that correct?

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, I got it expunged 10 years ago.

[Big J Okerson]

Come on, now. You can't have friends sleep over and party. If you're unfamiliar with Story Wars, a quick explanation of the game. Everybody on this panel, including me and Lewis, have submitted three to five stories on one specific subject. Today's subject.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, we're in Dirty Jersey. So these are dirty stories.

[Big J Okerson]

Dirty stories.

[Naim Ali]

Dirty. Dirty.

[Big J Okerson]

Our lovely producer Alex will read those stories out at random, one at a time. If it's your story, you're the only person who knows that it's your job to confuse other people. That is not your story. And if it's not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And so if you. If you guess the correct stories, it is two points per guess. And for each person you fool, you get one point. Once you write your answer on the dry erase board and put it in the slot, that's it. You can't change your answer. Yes, Rich.

[Rich Voss]

I forgot what I was. Oh. So Hugh reads a story and you go, that's not mine.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You can do that.

[Big J Okerson]

You can do that if you'd like.

[Rich Voss]

That's my tell.

[Big J Okerson]

That's an approach. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. That's not me. And just so you know, every time we play this game, it's for a prize. You will be playing for a book from the Story wars library. This week's book, the Magicians lie. By Greer McAllister. The magicians lie is a historical novel that intertwines magic, mystery and susp. Set in the early 1900s, the story follows the amazing Arden, a renowned female illusionist known for her daring tricks, particularly the halved man illusion. When a man is found murdered after.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

One or the Aaron Berg story, as.

[Big J Okerson]

I call it, Arden becomes the prime suspect. Captured by her office vigil Holt, she must convince him of her innocence by recounting her tumultuous life story filled with secrets, betrayals and the challenges of being a woman in a male dominated.

[Rich Voss]

You know, you. You. Let me tell you something. You just read more just now than I've read in five years.

[Big J Okerson]

Have you read a lot of books? I've read. I've read 20 books in my life. Maybe.

[Rich Voss]

Maybe I used to read. I had. My wife wrote a book seven years ago. I still haven't finished it because I got to the fourth comic she banged. I said I can't do this anymore.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Chapter one.

[Rich Voss]

Oh no.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck reading.

[Rich Voss]

It's overrated.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, I believe everybody's ready. Everybody's locked in here so we can start this.

[Aaron Berg]

Yep.

[Big J Okerson]

Is this audience ready for war then, Alex, if you will. Story number one.

[Alex]

Story number one. I once dry heaved on the side of the bed because of a woman's smell. She was attractive, so I fucked her anyway.

[Big J Okerson]

This does sound like a Jewish story.

[Aaron Berg]

I guess we have to.

[Big J Okerson]

If this is. If this is Naim or Lewis, I'd be blown away. This is me, Berg or Voss for sure. Oh, it's disgusting. Yeah, come on.

[Naim Ali]

We plow through that, bruh. That's every day, B. You, me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean I have. I've had sex with a lot of disgusting women. And a couple of them have made me nearly dry heave.

[Big J Okerson]

But I've. I've fucked her anyway to many smelly things in my life.

[Aaron Berg]

So smell would not push me away.

[Big J Okerson]

It becomes reluctant a little more after that, but.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah, but you're still there. You're gonna do it.

[Big J Okerson]

You're still there.

[Rich Voss]

I don't know. My sinuses have been fucked up my whole life, so.

[Big J Okerson]

Doesn't matter to you?

[Rich Voss]

Doesn't matter to me. Pussy's pussy.

[Aaron Berg]

The Jewish people do have bigger noses so we could smell more.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, please. Your nose is not bigger than mine. What are you saying?

[Aaron Berg]

That's tr.

[Naim Ali]

What are you saying, bruh?

[Aaron Berg]

Naim's got massive nostrils.

[Naim Ali]

Massive nostril. I can fit my thumbs in there.

[Big J Okerson]

Damn.

[Aaron Berg]

Naeem could smell pussy. Two motels down the street.

[Naim Ali]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

How are Jews and blacks, not more unified slavery. Big noses. What do we not have in common? The three pointer.

[Naim Ali]

Well, look, it's definitely not me because I was fucking this lady, and every time I fucked her, I would get diarrhea. Every time. Every single time. Like, every time I fucked her, I got a stomach vi and I fucked her like, six times.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Ah, she was an Indian woman.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, she was Puerto Rican.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She was Puerto Rican.

[Naim Ali]

She was hot, though. Hot Puerto Rican lady. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not even sure if those things correlate. It's gotta be mental.

[Naim Ali]

I don't know what it was, bro. Every time I. Her diarrhea.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah. I'm like, diarrhea?

[Big J Okerson]

You pick up a stomach bug from sex. Doesn't seem right.

[Naim Ali]

That's what it was. It only happened when I Her. That's the only time.

[Rich Voss]

Well, it's because you're kissing her. So you're gonna get the. The stomach bug from that.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that' she have a stomach bug every time.

[Naim Ali]

Every time. We weren't.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She's Puerto Rican. They're cockroaches.

[Big J Okerson]

My bigger concern would be she has AIDS and is constantly.

[Naim Ali]

That's what I thought. I'm like, then this gave me aids. That's why I got diarrhea. And then I got a. And they were like, no. And I'm like, well, I got diarrhea. They were like, we don't know. This might be. It might be new shit. I'm like, what?

[Big J Okerson]

You took a shower at her house? And when the thing fogged up, the mirror said, welcome to the wonderful world of diarrhea.

[Rich Voss]

See, I.

[Big J Okerson]

That's so much better than age. Like, no, no, no, no.

[Rich Voss]

Oh, I think it's Louis the. Because you used to fuck a lot of nasty bitches.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I have fucked a lot of nasty bitches, buddy. I'm gonna be honest with you guys. This one's just not me.

[Aaron Berg]

I mean, I have to.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, then.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Then. All right. Well, it's definitely Louis.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah. I didn't think it was you until now. What the fuck?

[Big J Okerson]

I thought it was definitely. And Louis, you were so in the clear there. Because I had everyone go. And that. It's definitely one of the three Jews. In my mind, I was picking between the two that aren't me. Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

And I have a feeling Jayme with dry heave. He's a drinker. I. He would puke, like, full on. Like.

[Naim Ali]

Yes.

[Rich Voss]

See, I. I didn't think it was Aaron because, you know, he's not picking up girls like, you know, we.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Back in Aaron. Aaron was picking Up. No, he was.

[Rich Voss]

He was a dancer.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I watch Aaron pick up some slobs. And I mean, this, like real, real Jersey threes.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah.

[Naim Ali]

Damn. A Jersey three.

[Aaron Berg]

Jersey threes. Which, by the way, is a Manhattan 10. Jersey chicks are hot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I mean, there was one girl. There was one girl on the road where you. He did a casual encounter. I was like, aaron, what are you doing? I was actually concerned for him. I was like, why would you do this?

[Aaron Berg]

£400.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I swear to God. Casual encounters. And then he went. He got like a boss rhino pill from the gas station. And he's like. He's like, yeah, it's gonna make my dick hard enough to this slob. Yeah, it was crazy. I'd never seen anything like it.

[Big J Okerson]

I like that you met her on Craigslist, but it wasn't the personals. It was like you answered like a man with a van ad or something.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She was the van.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. She's like, you've reached Rita's moving company. Hey.

[Rich Voss]

When I had roommates. When I had roommates, I would keep a mattress in the garage in case I picked up a nasty. Like a fatty. So my roommate sincere.

[Big J Okerson]

How do you let me you something? How fat do you have to be to accept the presentation of like. No, no, no, not up the stairs, sweetheart. Right over in this room here. And it's a. You turn the light on like this in the room with a. Right here on this floor mattress.

[Rich Voss]

Hold on, let me close the door.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Every garage opener to let her in.

[Aaron Berg]

They're not called roommates. They're called your family.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, I'm going to. I'm getting Aaron Berg vibes on this story. I know Aaron's a fucking real scumbag. He's fucked some pigos. He's Jewish, so he dry heaves. Yeah, this sounds like an Aaron Berg.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I agree with you in every way, except the fact that it's you, Louis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Okay?

[Big J Okerson]

You are so right about Aaron, because if it's not you, it's going to be him.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I can see it being Jay, but I think Jay would walk away from pussy that smelled that bad.

[Aaron Berg]

No, Jay just takes off a fingerless glove and puts it on his face like a mask.

[Big J Okerson]

Ask. Always be prepared. Yeah, and it's.

[Naim Ali]

It's definitely Aaron.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yo, you're not allowed to write. It's you.

[Rich Voss]

Oh, well, you already voted.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We already voted. But you can't do that.

[Rich Voss]

Oh, I didn't. Well, who would I put, Aaron?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Who was it?

[Naim Ali]

If you want to change mine, you can't now.

[Aaron Berg]

Alex.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex. Is it Rich?

[Alex]

Officially, that story belongs to Rich Voss.

[Naim Ali]

Come on, bro. Damn.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Aaron Berg]

Points.

[Big J Okerson]

Damn. My first instincts was there.

[Rich Voss]

I tell you, this smell was putrid.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Was that.

[Aaron Berg]

Was that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What year. What year was this?

[Rich Voss]

Oh, I was going to bar, so I was getting high. So it had to be like 41 years ago.

[Aaron Berg]

41 years ago, back when you were 50. 41 years.

[Rich Voss]

Old. 41 liners, huh?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was 41 years ago.

[Big J Okerson]

Is what year that lady concert.

[Rich Voss]

60S? 67. What's like, I was like, 20. 26. Yeah, 26. You know, we used to go to bars, and I picked up this girl. She was hot. And then I. We went back to my place and I had, like. No, you know, it was just a mattress on the box spring or whatever on the. And I. And I'm getting ready, and I go, damn. I'm like, on the side of the bed. But I already, you know, drove her there. So I gotta. You know what I mean? I gotta get my money.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah. That's science. You're right. You drove it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's science. Have you ever been in a Ford Tempo?

[Big J Okerson]

Have you ever sucked off a guy in a Dodge?

[Aaron Berg]

You want to fuck on a refrigerator door?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it's funny. You got a shower. He goes, baby, you get the mattress on the floor in the bedroom.

[Rich Voss]

Yeah, she got the bedroom. She was hot enough for the bedroom, but nice. Nasty, nasty, nasty.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

God damn it.

[Rich Voss]

So I married her.

[Big J Okerson]

You make an honest woman out of her. That's what you do. You can't help unless you're on the inside.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, where are our points at?

[Alex]

All right on the scoreboard. I only have Rich Voss with four points.

[Big J Okerson]

Sweet.

[Naim Ali]

Nice.

[Rich Voss]

What's happening?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That even if everyone votes, don't vote for yourself.

[Rich Voss]

Well, what should I put there? Nothing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Just. Yeah, then the audience gets to play at home and they get their answers in.

[Rich Voss]

But if I would have voted for somebody else, I would have been wrong.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It doesn't matter, you know, it doesn't make a difference.

[Rich Voss]

I would. They would have taken away points.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They don't take away points from you for being wrong.

[Rich Voss]

Okay, I'm going to put Louis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, geez. Guys, let's take a quick moment and thank crowd health for being a supporter of today's show. The truth is, health insurance is broken. My health insurance is so expensive, premiums are increasing, deductibles are getting larger, and claim denials are happening all the time. Way more common. The headache of health insurance is exactly why crowd health was created. It's not health insurance. It's a better way to pay for health care through crowdfunding. Crowd health gives their members the freedom to efficiently and affordably break free from the antiquated insurance system and into health care options that fit your needs.

[Big J Okerson]

The insurance companies don't give you the peace of mind that you need. Crowd health does. That's why you're $50 a month membership includes the tools and services you need to get the highest quality healthcare. You get access to telemedicine, visits, discounted prescriptions, and a whole bunch more without doctors networks messing things up. You'll also have access to your own personal healthcare advocate who will help you navigate the complexities of the health events and even help you negotiate the bills to make it easier on you. And of course, you'll join the crowd, a group of members just like you who want to help pay for each other's unexpected medical events.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's time that you opt out of restricted health insurance plans and let crowd health help fit your healthcare needs. Get started today for just $50 a month. Go to joincrowdhealth.com War Z A R Z To get health care you deserve. Once Again, go to joincrowdhealth.comwarz to get the health care that you deserve.

[Big J Okerson]

Crowd health is not insurance. Learn [e-mail] that's joincrowdhealth.com/wars. Let's get back into it. Alex.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Story number two.

[Alex]

Sledgehammer story number two. A Girl I was having sex with had a huge booger in her nose. She leaned down and kissed me. And I looked up and the booger was gone. Then. Then I licked my lips and realized it was in my mout.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh no. Oh no. This sounds. This sounds like a story that only a black person could live with.

[Big J Okerson]

On my life, immediate instinct was naim. I don't know why.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, that's fucked up. Y'all think I eat boogies? Y'all think I eat boogies? That's what y'all think of boogies? That's crazy.

[Rich Voss]

They're saying.

[Aaron Berg]

Cause the lips.

[Rich Voss]

What wait was. Wasn't a fried booger. Was it also.

[Aaron Berg]

Right.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

See also the fried deep fried booger.

[Aaron Berg]

Also on my lips was her small vehicle and in ground pool. Too much.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, but you dragged that. God damn, Aaron. Why you drag it like that?

[Aaron Berg]

I'm sorry. I was trying to take Xanax. I can't think straight.

[Rich Voss]

This could be anybody.

[Big J Okerson]

It could.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

But I'm telling you, this story ends with me. Everyone would know the story that I threw up In a girl's face once.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Then she throws up on you, then you throw up on her. It's just a back and forth. Hey, Jay would be throwing up on this girl right now. Today.

[Big J Okerson]

Finally someone came in and broke the cycle.

[Aaron Berg]

Now we have to also consider in Puerto Rico, boogers are a delicacy.

[Big J Okerson]

Boogers? Yes, boogers. Oh, my mother made booger empanadas. Local guinea pigs and boogers.

[Aaron Berg]

My friends are coming over for booger night.

[Rich Voss]

Roll one up and throw it into my mouth.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We got some pernil, we got some tostones, some booger.

[Big J Okerson]

It's the stove top of camarones. Wait, your mom's making boogers?

[Naim Ali]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, mom, my favorite boogers.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, please tell me you'll stay for boogers. How much of a rush are you in? It's been a long winter. We have many, many boogers.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, please have some rice and boogers.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, treat yourself. Local delicacy. Boogers. Naim. I'm gonna go with naim.

[Naim Ali]

Come on. It wasn't me. I think, I think it was Lewis. Lewis be hype over. So he would do it. Louis gonna through a boogie. I'm telling you right now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If. Listen, I mean this. If a girl's got a booger in her nose or a piece of toilet paper in her ass, my dick gets soft right away. I can't do it. I've had. I've been hooking up with a chick, she's got a little booger, you know, she breathes a little bit and then it kind of like wiggles. And then I. Dude, I can't look at it. I'm like, please stop.

[Rich Voss]

See, I want so bad. I go, let me get that for you.

[Big J Okerson]

That's Jewish. You pull out a hanky.

[Aaron Berg]

There you are. Good shabbos.

[Rich Voss]

See, I don't know. This could be Aaron because you know what I mean, he's picking up these fucking. These twos.

[Big J Okerson]

I would tell a girl if she had a booger toilet paper in the ass crack, I wouldn't swat it away.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sometimes you get caught trying to pull it away too. And she's like, what are you doing?

[Big J Okerson]

It does suck.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, you have disgusting toilet paper on your asshole.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. You try to comb it through politely without saying it. And then you feel, you see. Looks like she gets a. Looks like she gets a goosebump on her. Her ass cuz the hair pulls.

[Rich Voss]

You go, oh sh. If I get enough girls with a little toilet paper, I shave it and I make a nice tea out of it.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice, nice.

[Naim Ali]

No, never mind. Now I think it was Jay. That. It's Jay. You pull the toilet paper out they ass, bruh, it's you.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm telling you. I wouldn't suck a. I would tell a girl she had a. Jay kind.

[Aaron Berg]

Of is like a bit of a goofy goof, where he'd be like, oh, there's booger on my nose. That's silly. He would be okay with it. But I'm thinking it's between Lewis and Naim. And I'm thinking because Naim was so quick to attack Lewis, it may be nice.

[Rich Voss]

I'm gonna go with y'all.

[Naim Ali]

Racist everybody who room.

[Rich Voss]

Whole room.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm giving my final answer. Naim. I just don't know why. I can see this happening to you, my friend. It's not even about black people. It's about you. I can see this happening to you.

[Rich Voss]

Mine is about black people. I grew up in a black neighborhood, and there was a lot of boogers in the neighborhood.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They don't have Kleenex. I understand.

[Rich Voss]

And the noses are a little. You know, dudes might have a bigger nose, but they have wider noses.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If a black person has a booger, you can see it.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, for sure.

[Rich Voss]

And they're proud of it too.

[Aaron Berg]

I've never seen a booger in a black person's face.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, we get them things out, bruh. Yeah, we get them things out. We don't deal with no boogers. Boogies.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah. It's like if a. They fall right out into a white neighborhood, you know, you get them out real quick.

[Rich Voss]

All right, I'm gonna go. I. I'm gonna go. With a majority like you guys, I feel attacked.

[Naim Ali]

I feel completely attacked.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a smart play, Alex.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Our answers are in.

[Alex]

You guys are correct. That was night.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Aaron Berg]

No offense. No offense.

[Naim Ali]

All right. Right. You guys know me well.

[Aaron Berg]

Did I get old booger lips McGillicuddy, bro?

[Naim Ali]

I was 12 years old. If you 12 and you eating boogies, bro. Yeah, and that's why kids. Shouldn't kids be with boogies in their nose? That's disgusting. That kids should not be. That's nasty.

[Rich Voss]

You got pushy when you were 12.

[Naim Ali]

That's the first time I ever in my life.

[Aaron Berg]

How old was she?

[Naim Ali]

She was 15.

[Aaron Berg]

Nice baby sitter, her.

[Naim Ali]

No neighborhood.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was just raped. Never mind.

[Naim Ali]

What the.

[Big J Okerson]

Sorry. You were 12 when she was 15? God damn.

[Rich Voss]

You do it.

[Naim Ali]

Is my friend Marv's older sister.

[Rich Voss]

So you got laid in fourth grade.

[Naim Ali]

That's not fourth grade. What the. That was the joke. I thought I Was.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But to be fair, when Rich was. When Rich was in the fourth grade grade, it was one schoolhouse for every grade from one to nine.

[Rich Voss]

You got a at 12. That's amazing.

[Aaron Berg]

He had a mustache and everything.

[Rich Voss]

That's amazing.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, I looked exactly the same.

[Rich Voss]

Like what was your rap? You know? Yo, you come to this.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was racist, Rich. Jesus Christ.

[Rich Voss]

I'm saying what, how's that going? What's your rap at 12? I'm going, that's not racist. What's your rap at 12?

[Naim Ali]

No, that's not racist. It wasn't no rap bro. You just got. You just got a hat. You just gotta have a riz bro. You gotta know who you is. You feel me? You got to know who the you is. Rich. Rich.

[Rich Voss]

I'm racist. You think I'm racist? Cuz I have two drinking fountains at my house.

[Big J Okerson]

Imagine drinking. It's an old. It's a pre war building.

[Rich Voss]

There's no signs above them.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What are you going to do?

[Big J Okerson]

Redecorate the whole to the.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The big giant water jugs?

[Big J Okerson]

God damn. That'd be so funny if you kept a kosher kitchen but said it was for black people only. Goes ask the black people Frid fridge, just milk and cheese. It's all together.

[Rich Voss]

You really think they're coming in my house? My son in law is black, you know that.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you. Were you warped then? Did you always think boogers were involved in sex at that point? Nah, you go, I guess this one doesn't like me.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, now I got a fetish. Now I'm that digging in their nose at the same time. Give me that.

[Aaron Berg]

I need start fisting noses.

[Big J Okerson]

You push her one nostril and you go blow hard.

[Aaron Berg]

Oh daddy.

[Rich Voss]

Like if you him hard enough from behind does it shoot out.

[Naim Ali]

Damn.

[Big J Okerson]

Like. Like two nuts just coming out of their nostrils just dangling. Damn, that would be hot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

God damn it. These stories sure are dirty.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, nasty.

[Big J Okerson]

I like that. That.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, where are points at?

[Alex]

All right on the scoreboard with two points each, Lewis, Big J and Aaron Berg. And with six points, Rich Voss.

[Rich Voss]

Wait, wow. Rich.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wow. Okay.

[Rich Voss]

I have a question. I have a question. How do you guys have two points each? You only got one, right?

[Big J Okerson]

We explained it before the show. You've been on the show. We, we say it again in front of the whole audience. And every week someone's like now Rich has seven.

[Aaron Berg]

He had supposed to have no six.

[Rich Voss]

No, it's two points, stupid.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's six.

[Aaron Berg]

Don't you know that it's six?

[Rich Voss]

No, I get two points. For guessing?

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You got four points.

[Rich Voss]

I was at five.

[Aaron Berg]

Fixed it.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, there you go.

[Rich Voss]

You're right.

[Alex]

So I have my small computer. It's hard to type on. I'm sorry.

[Naim Ali]

All right, I got a question. If I do a blind guess, can I get, like, six points?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Points the person in two weeks to ask that.

[Naim Ali]

I'm just. Is that a thing? Am I writing a name down?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No. No. The answer is no.

[Naim Ali]

Why? What the. Why not?

[Big J Okerson]

Because you're out of the conversation completely. You've already guessed.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Can I.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone sort of also forgets we're doing a podcast. There's like. It's like, let's go.

[Aaron Berg]

Quiet.

[Big J Okerson]

They go, what are you doing? He goes, bluffing. Hey, Naim, is this a story? Maybe you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We did. We played a home version of this in Jamaica with the entire Gas Digital crew.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm telling you right now, we're.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hell, yeah, we're. We're going to come up with a home version of this for people with an app. I'm telling you right now, without a doubt. If you're an app developer that develops games, hit me up, because it was so much fun playing it at the villa.

[Big J Okerson]

Who won?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Who did win?

[Big J Okerson]

G?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Mike 1.

[Aaron Berg]

A man named Desmond who came into the house and had intended to trick everybody with his tails of debauchery.

[Naim Ali]

Damn. I know you had that in your bag, bro. All right, nice.

[Big J Okerson]

Very nice, guys, eyes on the prize, please. If you win, you're taking home the magician's lie. The narrative alternates between Arden's past and the tense interrogation, exploring themes of truth, illusion, and the complexities of identity. As Arden unveils her past, readers are drawn into a world where magic blurs with reality and the line between victim and perpetrator becomes increasingly ambiguous.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, I need this book. I need it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's one of the best books in the Story wars library.

[Rich Voss]

Can I trade that in for a hat?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, Alex.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Story number three.

[Alex]

Story number three. My childhood bully threw our communal Penthouse magazine into a giant pit filled with mud near the garbage dump. Like a hero, I jumped in to save the magazine. I was covered head to toe in dump sludge.

[Rich Voss]

Louis, nobody else here lived by a dump dump.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I would say that Jay is currently covered head to toe in dump sludge. That's how I describe his style.

[Big J Okerson]

But I didn't have a childhood bully.

[Rich Voss]

Yeah, this hat. This is Lewis. Because he always told us how he used to get picked on as a kid.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Rich Voss]

And going to school.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. You were like. You were like, I Was such a. In school. And everyone would call me.

[Rich Voss]

Yeah. Remember one story if you're gay, Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

They'd make me. Make me try to suck my own dick in front of everybody.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah, they threw away the only book I know how to read.

[Big J Okerson]

No. Another communal penthouse.

[Aaron Berg]

Oh, one day I'm going to have a penthouse overlooking the city.

[Big J Okerson]

I learned how to write by reading letters.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I can read my penthouse and eat my boogers.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, when you say it like that, I think it's Naim again.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I don't think Naim was bullied.

[Naim Ali]

We didn't have a communal pimp.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, when I was a kid, we.

[Naim Ali]

Had like, we had the DVDs. I came up with like Cherokee and all them on a D. Oh yeah. How old are you Cherokee D. 37. Oh yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, no, no. All right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We're. We're close enough to the same age.

[Big J Okerson]

Also, you don't have a childhood bully when you're crushing at 12.

[Rich Voss]

Yeah.

[Naim Ali]

Hey, no.

[Big J Okerson]

You're more likely to have followers and.

[Aaron Berg]

You know, yes, Rich might be out of it cuz at his age they just look at the drawings on the cave walls.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, it's not you.

[Rich Voss]

No, I. How do you know it ain't me?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He had a big poster of Marilyn Monroe with her skirt up.

[Big J Okerson]

I think Lewis was a little bullied. Aaron may have been bullied.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I was bullied.

[Big J Okerson]

That might be why. Why Aaron got all yoked and cuz he had childhood bully. And a Penthouse magazine is worth I don't know how many rubles in Canada. Yeah, yeah, but so as a Jew and a perv, you doubly. Yeah. Cuz what are you gonna do? You're not gonna take up a collection.

[Aaron Berg]

Big tall bully names.

[Rich Voss]

Yeah, but Aaron as a kid looked the same. And everybody thought he was like a make a wish kid. So they really wouldn't pick on him. You know what I mean? They would all jerk off on him.

[Big J Okerson]

The community all came together and bought him a new Penthouse. Oh, thank you. Miracles do come true.

[Rich Voss]

Can I.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is. I mean, I think everyone has had the community dirty magazine that all their friends shared.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Rich Voss]

What the.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And everyone did jump into a garbage pile of sludge in order to retrieve it. Everyone's got this.

[Naim Ali]

It is what I'm trying to figure out. Like I've never been nowhere near the garbage dump in Philly. Like where the is that?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know where the garbage.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Where the is the garbage jump in Philly is Philly. You're just in it the whole time. You don't Realize it. I mean, Jay, you never had a bully growing up. Yeah, you did.

[Big J Okerson]

No one that I would consider my childhood bully.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, Jay told me he got bullied, so I feel like it could be Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

No, but I got bullied. Like, individual situations, like older kids with, you know what I could put a name on. I didn't have, like, the childhood bully. It wasn't like, oh, you didn't have.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Your own Nick Giacoli?

[Big J Okerson]

No, I didn't.

[Aaron Berg]

House stealer Giacoli.

[Big J Okerson]

But also the communal. The idea of that. We found porn magazines in the woods, but it wasn' like. It wasn't like, take a penny, leave a penny, where it was like. It was some kind of like. Like, library honor system where Jay's trying.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

To speak the language to the Jews on the panel. Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

Wait till we get pennies after this round.

[Big J Okerson]

If you win, Aaron, if you win.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If somebody say penny.

[Big J Okerson]

This is like, words. Dreidel.

[Aaron Berg]

Oh, boy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Aaron. Aaron, you were bullied by as a kid?

[Aaron Berg]

I was bullied, yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

For sure.

[Aaron Berg]

Big, tall bully named Shout on. Oh, used to go to. Yeah. We would have a Penthouse by the railroad tracks. We also had Sherry, which was a much more sultry magazine.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was also the name of the girl that Naim made out with.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah, we O. U. I like French. Yes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, yes, I remember that one.

[Rich Voss]

But I don't think they had Penthouse in Canada.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Did they?

[Rich Voss]

Did you have Penthouse?

[Aaron Berg]

They had Penthouse in Canada. Canada. There was tariffs on it, but they had it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm. My instinct says Aaron, but Jay's trying to get the voting going early, so I feel like it might be Jay.

[Naim Ali]

And he's being so honest now. I don't even know.

[Rich Voss]

Look at him trying to confuse. Look at. He's drawing the dumpster he jumped into.

[Naim Ali]

It might be Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

Could be.

[Naim Ali]

I know it could be you, Vos.

[Big J Okerson]

But I'm saying could be this guy.

[Naim Ali]

Guy. No, you could be the guy that jumped into a mud pit for porn. You could do that. You could do that, bro.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No.

[Rich Voss]

Let me tell you something.

[Naim Ali]

You know. You know, I think it might be you. You're not. You're not a big guy.

[Rich Voss]

I'm b. My is dope.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The only reason. The only reason I'm thinking it could be Aaron is because Aaron's a little bit older than us. And actually, you guys are. You're the same age, too. Like a porno magazine when you're. That age is so important. For me, Internet porn came out when I was. I was like, 12. It was just a little different.

[Rich Voss]

Yeah, see, I know it wasn't him because dudes don't jerk off together in the hood.

[Naim Ali]

No, we don't do that. Yeah, we don't jack off together.

[Rich Voss]

They do that.

[Naim Ali]

Actually. Actually, I ain't jack up until I was a grown ass man because they said it was gay when I was, like, 10. I'm like, I ain't never touching my dick like that, bro. Y'all be jacking your dick off. So to feel good, y'all is gay. But, yeah, gay I ain't doing.

[Rich Voss]

That's why I stopped having people. People. Other guys.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I feel like Jay put. Jay put too much. Too much pizzazz on his sign.

[Big J Okerson]

I just did everything. I know. That's Canadian. Rick Moranis. And a Horse and a Beaver. Yep. And that show sctv. Did I say Rick Moranis? Yeah, you did Nickelback.

[Rich Voss]

I don't know why I'm doing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Voss. Scribbled a bunch and then Avril Lavigne.

[Big J Okerson]

Come on. Where was this two minutes ago? Go. Is everybody in? Oh, me and. Me and Naim are getting points here, buddy. I feel good about this. If you voted for me, you're a dumb.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I am a dumb. I'm a dumb, and I voted for you.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, break their hearts.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Louis J. Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yo.

[Naim Ali]

What the damn.

[Big J Okerson]

Why, when I let myself believe you were such a pussy in school?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. So we found this magazine. This magazine's made other stories. This is the one where my sister's friend Sorelis, we were looking at it together, this Hustle magazine in the woods, and she goes. She was two years older than me, and I was, like, maybe 11 or 12. She was 13 or 14. She goes, oh, man, I'm horny. Wouldn't it be cool if we fucked? And I was like, gulp. And then I just looked down and I didn't say anything else. And I regret it to this day. I should have fucked that. I should have fucked that child. God damn it.

[Aaron Berg]

Wait, what?

[Big J Okerson]

Here's my problem, though, Louis. In that story, you said Hustler. This one says Penthouse. Oh, those stories were supposed to be true, dude.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was. Was it a Hustler or a Penthouse? It was a Penthouse.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I think the whole thing sounds like bullshit.

[Naim Ali]

There you go.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was a Penthouse.

[Big J Okerson]

This round asterisk.

[Naim Ali]

Wait, Lewis.

[Aaron Berg]

Parents are alive.

[Big J Okerson]

Whole thing's been a sham.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So, yeah, so we had that one in the woods, and we used to keep it in a blue lunchbox, like, under a tree to protect it from the. The elements. And everyone in the neighborhood knew where this Magazine was this Penthouse.

[Big J Okerson]

What was in the lunchbox? Do you remember?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was just the Penthouse magazine.

[Big J Okerson]

No. What was on it?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, I don't even know. It was like. It was probably a he man lunchbox. It was, like, scraped from years before.

[Aaron Berg]

You ever keep lunchables in there?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I did suck on the pages of the magazine when I got hungry.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, there's protein in there.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So we had it for. I mean, you know, when you're a kid, a month probably feels like five years. Like, it felt like it was forever. We had this magazine in this lunchbox, and then this fucking cocksucking Nick Giacoli, he took it. And then just to be a dick. I mean, not even just to me, but to the group, even though I was the one who really cared. He took the lunchbox itself and he just threw it in. The center of it was what could only be described as a sludge pit next to the garbage tub. I don't know what it was, but in this sludge.

[Big J Okerson]

Run off, dude.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But I literally jumped in. I dove in like it was my child.

[Aaron Berg]

No, not October 1994.

[Big J Okerson]

Superhuman strength as you swam through mud.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Dude. And I got it and I saved it. And then I. Yeah, I saved it. I was a hero.

[Big J Okerson]

It was covered in mud.

[Rich Voss]

Okay. So you would go to the wood.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That was in the lunchbox. But it did seep through the lunchbox.

[Rich Voss]

You would go to the woods to rub one out. Out. Weren't you scared somebody would walk in as you're doing it?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Walk in to the woods and you know what?

[Aaron Berg]

Why you keep woods in your house?

[Rich Voss]

Yeah, like, you walk.

[Big J Okerson]

Were you worried somebody would walk in? What are you doing in the woods?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Painting.

[Big J Okerson]

That's horrible.

[Aaron Berg]

You're very young to be doing this.

[Big J Okerson]

Your hand.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And it's disgusting.

[Rich Voss]

What the. How else you get into the woods?

[Big J Okerson]

Walking. You have to enter from the park.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You have to climb the fence, and.

[Big J Okerson]

Then answer the troll's riddle.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you're walking. No, I was never worried about that. We really just looked at it together and then probably went home and jerked off to our thoughts later on.

[Aaron Berg]

Nice.

[Big J Okerson]

I like that. You look and you go, wow, this is crazy. Oh, I don't even like this one that much. And then you go home and whack off.

[Naim Ali]

See you guys later.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But, yeah, that. That magazine meant something to me, and I wouldn't let it. Sorry about that. Sorry.

[Aaron Berg]

You went.

[Naim Ali]

Damn. You swam through the sludge, bro. That's crazy. That's how you turn into a mutant.

[Aaron Berg]

You went through the sludge Mutant ninja Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Pervert in a half shell.

[Big J Okerson]

You are the hero we deserved. Alex.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Where are points at all right?

[Alex]

Hanging around with zero points. Naive.

[Naim Ali]

Why you guys gotta save me first? Why you gotta say the zero first? Yo, save me last next time. Why I gotta be first first? Everybody know I got zero. Damn. You got to tell the whole world, Naim. Zero again.

[Alex]

All right, with two points, Big J Okerson. With four points, Aaron Berg. With five points, Lis J. Gomez. And in the lead with six points, Rich Voss.

[Rich Voss]

I've never won anything ever.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Guys, let's take a quick moment and thank Lucy for supporting today's show. Lucy is a great company. We love Lucy. They sponsor all the podcasts that we do here. They're 100% pure nicotine and always tobacco free. They make breakers, which are the little pouches you put in mouth. But they're a little different because when you break them, you crack them open.

[Naim Ali]

They.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They have like little flavor capsules that are absolutely delicious. Yeah, they're amazing, dude. People that like pouches are going to love Lucy. You can set yourself up with a subscription. You can have them delivered right to your door. You can buy them one at a time. They have espresso. You don't got to go to the gas station like a fucking savage. Have it delivered to your door. Get a subscription. Why not? Genuinely great flavors. I tried the espresso ones. I'll tell you right now, I'm. I'm genuinely thinking about becoming a Lucy user. Because the espresso ones were so good, you don't even need coffee. So Lucy patch in the morning.

[Big J Okerson]

That is crazy. Well, guess what? Lucy right now is giving you a great offer. If you go to Lucy Co Wars W A R Z and use the promo code, if you also use the promo code wars, you're going to get 20 off your first order. They also have a 30 day refund policy. If you change your mind one more time, it's Lucy code Wars. To get 20% off. Lucy Products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is addictive chemical.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, let's get back into it.

[Big J Okerson]

We are moving and shaking. I believe we are at story number four. Story number four.

[Alex]

Story number four. I took a inside of a monster truck tire at summer camp.

[Aaron Berg]

I mean, who has it?

[Big J Okerson]

I was gonna say it sounds a little Canadian. That does sound Canadian.

[Naim Ali]

Canadian as bruh.

[Rich Voss]

Yeah. Okay, one. We know two people that didn't go to summer camp. So it's down to Jay, Aaron or Me? No. Because they went to the playground. That's not summer camp.

[Naim Ali]

No, I went to summer camp.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I went to, I went to day camp. It wasn't like sleeping.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it was a day camp.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You'd have to like, you show up in the morning. It's almost like latchkey in the summertime. Like you show up at like 9am and then the kids with money would go bowling or go to the pool. And the people that didn't have money, you'd play fucking pick up six with other Puerto Ricans.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Go home with a key on, a shoelace around your neck like a piece of shit who no one loves.

[Naim Ali]

I went to a sleepover camp.

[Big J Okerson]

Really?

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, it was, it was at Villanova. It was sponsored by Red Cross. It was called leadership development camp.

[Aaron Berg]

Wow, that sounds fun.

[Big J Okerson]

You just have to get placement.

[Naim Ali]

It was fun.

[Big J Okerson]

What if it was just like a no question ask, drop your kid off if you don't want him anymore thing?

[Naim Ali]

Yo, I was there for like two weeks. Like, where's my mom? Coming back where the is my mom?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sounded like they were trying to keep you off the streets.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, they were, bro. That's what it was.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was just sponsored by the Red Cross. We're not going to have as many.

[Naim Ali]

Murders, but it was hoes there, so I was happy, cuz it was. And it was there. You feel me? So I'm like, oh, we can get it popping.

[Rich Voss]

All the boogers you could eat, no tissues.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you already, you came in there 12 years old already not a virgin, blowing everyone's mind. What's up? Local Jews wanna smell my hands? Who wants to smell a brother's hand?

[Rich Voss]

Not cocky. That's some corny ass. I need some up in this bitch archery shit, Rich.

[Naim Ali]

But. Yeah, but. No but, but you right though. For sure, for sure. Shitting the tires, that's some white shit. Yeah, me and Lewis ain't never did that, bruh. That's white people shit.

[Big J Okerson]

I would say that I might have.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I might might have shit in a monster truck tire in my day. I know I say this all the time, dude, but I, I. There was. All right, so there was a tire playground in West Havershire, New York. West Havshire Elementary School. And we used to just hang out there. And now after I read that story, I was like, you know what, dude? I think I have in one of.

[Big J Okerson]

Those giant tires just told us the bully's name of the actual story from last story. You're doing that you over and then I talk people out of you always I think it's Aaron. But now I. And you're doing the thing you do.

[Naim Ali]

Got right lit that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That tire playground. My bully. I. You not said it.

[Big J Okerson]

Monster truck.

[Naim Ali]

You not monster truck.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Dude, that tire playground, which was like a staple for like a decade of West Elementary School. Those bullies, the same kids lit it on fire.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God, dude.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They were like, nobody's going to have fun at the tire playground anymore. And they douse it in gasoline and lit it on fire.

[Big J Okerson]

Who was your bully? The crow.

[Rich Voss]

Jesus.

[Big J Okerson]

Jesus Christ, dude.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, he was diabolical. Was your bully.

[Big J Okerson]

My bully.

[Rich Voss]

Arsonist moved to California.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My bully was an actual Bond villain.

[Aaron Berg]

I did not like summer camp. My parents came to visit me. I chased the car. I wanted to go home.

[Big J Okerson]

I hated. I had big separation anxiety as a kid. Some kids were really stoked to leave so I could do day camp. But going away, like, over, I was. I'd be the kid, like, screaming, like, trying to find some excuse to call my mom.

[Rich Voss]

Yeah, we didn't have camp. I mean, we couldn't afford. We went to the playground, played tetherball, knock hockey. Had to play every while they put.

[Big J Okerson]

Your parents in the gas chambers.

[Naim Ali]

Your parents was in the Holocaust, bro.

[Big J Okerson]

Cherry Lewis was playing as a clown, dancing for you. Yay. Your parents are getting slaughtered by.

[Rich Voss]

Oh, Jesus Christ. Dave Smith.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm just saying, a little their fault.

[Rich Voss]

Yeah. We didn't have no money to go to camp, but we had the best playground, man. Evergreen. And we play the other playgrounds in sports and in bas and softball. And there was no tires there. That Mike.

[Aaron Berg]

You had to bring your own diet of shit in it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I feel like in Rich's youth, they didn't have giant fun tires yet. Yeah, no.

[Rich Voss]

We had a tire swing that went.

[Big J Okerson]

Over the brook in Rich's time. You don't waste a tire.

[Rich Voss]

You are. You guys act like you're young.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I know you're all over 40.

[Rich Voss]

Get the out of here.

[Big J Okerson]

But look at these.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Rich. What? Rich, I'm turning 43 next month, and you're more than 20 years older than me.

[Rich Voss]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[Rich Voss]

Let's see who has more hair.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Holy.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, damn, bro.

[Big J Okerson]

That hurt.

[Rich Voss]

That hurts.

[Aaron Berg]

That was low, Rich.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That was.

[Rich Voss]

That was. I'm sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm going with Aaron.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't think Big J would in public like that. He won't. He won't even like a public bathroom.

[Aaron Berg]

I mean, this is. This is also. Even though a kid did this, this is a trashy thing. And Lewis is probably the trashiest guy I know.

[Rich Voss]

No, I don't. Here's the thing. Lewis is not going to jump in the sludge and in a tire.

[Aaron Berg]

Sounds like a day.

[Big J Okerson]

Sound like the same person.

[Naim Ali]

I sound like the same person.

[Big J Okerson]

I have a feeling Lewis just wrote a bunch. Three stories from the same day.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah. You just convinced me, bro. I ain't even know who I was going to pick till you just said that. That's the same type of bro. You jumping in sludge for porn. You shitting it. Tire. I believe it.

[Aaron Berg]

That should be the title of the episode.

[Naim Ali]

That's the same.

[Rich Voss]

I got it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm going with Aaronberg. It's not a story yet. I feel like this is something that. That just another dirt ball would do.

[Rich Voss]

I think it was.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I have done it, but I think Heron has too.

[Big J Okerson]

All answers are locked in.

[Naim Ali]

I don't think it was him.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Big J. Over.

[Big J Okerson]

No way.

[Rich Voss]

No way.

[Naim Ali]

Get the out of here, you tire.

[Aaron Berg]

Oh, wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, my God. What happened? Is that why you don't shit in public anymore? Is because you had a bad big.

[Aaron Berg]

Old fat boy in a tire?

[Big J Okerson]

It's. It's almost like you said. I was at day camp. Jewish community center. They had the buried. Like the half buried monster trucks. You can climb on the outside of them and inside of them you can just kind of. And I had to go bad. And so I stayed behind. When. When the rest of the bunk moved on to the next thing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Was this the day you started dressing like this?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm a tire shitter now.

[Naim Ali]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it's.

[Aaron Berg]

It's Big J's origin story.

[Big J Okerson]

It does look like Be super in the tires.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Bad to the bone.

[Big J Okerson]

If you put you a picture of me goes, yo, this guy's super into tires. People be like, yeah, yo, this guy's like radiant. Wheel, all that.

[Naim Ali]

Every tire shop you go to the board as their work. It look like Big J.

[Big J Okerson]

What you need if we don't got it? I could have it ordered in by 20 tomorrow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, tomorrow.

[Big J Okerson]

Today.

[Aaron Berg]

It's why Shane Gillis won't have him on the show.

[Big J Okerson]

Two on the nose. It's not funny. It was. Yeah. So everybody moved on and I just stayed behind. It was like an emergency situation. And my thought was to squat down in the, you know, the back arch of the thing and just take a. And I mean real naked and afraid. I mean like I. I wipe my ass with leaves. The whole thing. And then. And then just continued the day.

[Rich Voss]

The cows. Where's K? Oh, leaves probably in the tire. No one would even think that.

[Big J Okerson]

And then I got nervous because I just.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And they were. They weren't even like dried leaves because it was the summer green leaves.

[Naim Ali]

I was.

[Big J Okerson]

Let me tell you something. I was young enough too. What happened was the lee. I remember wiping with leaves. Not really paying attention to what these leaves were and they weren't. But that was the day I was young. That was the day we really learned about like poison. They're like there's poison ivy out here, so make sure. And oh, I thought my. So then you start getting probably left behind remnants and like phantom itching. The rest of the day being like, well, I definitely have poison itching.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That was your shitty. That was itchy, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Luckily it was poison ivy.

[Rich Voss]

Like say you met a girl and she had a boogie or a leave in her ass.

[Big J Okerson]

Which way are you first?

[Rich Voss]

That's a no, right?

[Big J Okerson]

What choice should I have made besides leaves that seemed to have thrown over.

[Naim Ali]

You drawers off and white with your.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Drawers or wipe with your socks or your socks. In Pex Pond there was like a little island in West Havish Draw and I had to take a. So bad I was dying. And then I. I squatted behind some bushes, took a. Took my socks off, wiped with my socks, bunched them up, threw them inexpond for the turtles.

[Rich Voss]

Next. Next. Little lunchbox with the porn.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Naim Ali]

Damn.

[Rich Voss]

I. I never outside. I. I rushed home once and missed the toilet by this much.

[Big J Okerson]

You never outside, you never yourself accidentally in public all the time? No, when I was a kid, I never as a kid.

[Aaron Berg]

Two weeks ago.

[Big J Okerson]

Really?

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah. Big fucking shit myself.

[Big J Okerson]

Got away from you?

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah, I thought it was a fart. Wasn't. Did it here in the green room.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh no.

[Rich Voss]

It's on his bio.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They call it the brown room now.

[Naim Ali]

No, one time. One time I went home with some lady and I had to take a shit and I told her I left something in my car and I shit outside. You can't shit in the house, bro. That was the first night I ever had matter. What you with my drawers. And I put my drawers in the. The trash can outside.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

N. Did you just change the story? Were you going to tell us you put your drawers in the car?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I put it in my back pocket when I got home.

[Naim Ali]

No.

[Rich Voss]

How did you get a. How did you get a license? At 13 this dude was right and left.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey.

[Naim Ali]

No, then she made fun of me after that. Cause then when I went to fuck her and I took my pants off. I ain't had no draws on. And she was like, yo, she like, you be free balling. And I'm like, sometimes.

[Aaron Berg]

Mostly just when I shit outside a bitch's house.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, hell yeah, sometimes.

[Naim Ali]

Sometimes I be free balling bitch. You know? Gotta let it air out, you know what I'm saying?

[Big J Okerson]

Free balls. What are the scores looking like?

[Naim Ali]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Aaron Berg]

Jay cleaned up.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What a game so far.

[Alex]

Alrighty. On the. You know what? We'll skip that one.

[Naim Ali]

Alex. Come on, Alex. We're better than. Than this. We have to do this today.

[Rich Voss]

Does anybody not have any points?

[Naim Ali]

You don't ask that question. Why you don't ask that question? Come on, bro. You doing v. Don't ask that.

[Alex]

With four points.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Aaron Berg.

[Naim Ali]

There we go.

[Alex]

With five points, Lis J. Gomez tied for the lead with six points each. Big J Okerson and Rich Voss.

[Big J Okerson]

This game is moving and shaking.

[Alex]

And Naim has zero points.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. That is true. That is true.

[Naim Ali]

That's way better. I like that.

[Big J Okerson]

That's true. She has to say it. Technically, she has to say it.

[Naim Ali]

Yo, y'all better liars than me. I don't like that. I thought I was a advanced liar. I'm not. Y'all crushing me.

[Big J Okerson]

Now we go around and do plugs real quick, Voss. Give your plugs, buddy.

[Rich Voss]

All right. Oh, I have a special on Amazon called, called Rick Voss Anonymous. It's on Amazon. Rick Voss Anonymous.

[Naim Ali]

Naim, check out my podcast, Durag and the Deer Attack. It's the funniest shit you ever gonna see. I swear to God, ain't nobody doing what we doing. And check out my other podcast, Ayo. Actually, it's a podcast all about facts. Check it out with me and Ben. Stop. It's great.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck, yeah.

[Naim Ali]

It's the only factual thing left on earth. I'm telling Aaron Berg.

[Aaron Berg]

I will be in Detroit March 28th. Pretty exciting. Never been there. It's gonna be good.

[Big J Okerson]

Eminem there.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah, the Independent, March 28. And then I'll be. Boy, the dates are just piling up now. Gonna be in Florida. That whatchamacallit place there on Marco Island. What's that place?

[Rich Voss]

Captain Brian?

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah, Naples. Off the Hook Comedy Club. I'll be there. It's just going great.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you, Big J. Bigjay comedy.com for all my dates, everybody. I'm all over the place. We're doing Story Wars. Four nights in a row at the Nashville Comedy Festival this year. So it's gonna be a fucking real. It's gonna be a hard ticket to get when it comes. So get those tickets now. If you're listening, we've been selling out.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

These road shows very, very quickly. Sold out Austin minutes.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah, it's fucking crazy. Going great. So make sure you come check us out down there at the and then also again we're doing Austin, Texas at the Comedy Mothership. My new first half of my new two part crowd work special them is out right now. Second part, second part comes out 420. So I look forward to giving that to you guys. Man, I appreciate all the love so far on it. Listen to the bonfire with me and the great Robert Kelly, faction talk series XM103 and of course the legendary Legion of Skanks right here on the guest digital network.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hell yeah. Come see me on the Bring 5 Friends tour. Coming to a city near you next weekend, March 21st, 22nd. I'll be in South Bend, Indiana that Sunday. I'm in Raleigh, North Carolina. The weekend after I'm doing a little tour of Ontario, Canada, Saint Catharines, London, Windsor and Burlington. Then I got Philly, my birthday weekend. And yeah, North Charleston, South Carolina's coming up, San Diego's coming up. And then also guys, if you guys want to come to Skankfest, tickets are going on sale on May 2, the general sale. We sold out the pre sale in record time. We expect the same thing to happen for the General Sale on May 2nd. We're releasing the lineup in mid April. April. It's going to be incredible. Everyone on this stage is going to be at Skank Fest. You guys are going to see the best Skank Fest we've ever done. We're coming to New Orleans for the first time and then I am doing my next Special. I'm filming July 12th in Tampa, Florida. The great Robert Kelly is directing. It's at side Splitters which is one of the best clubs in the world. So get those tickets. They're all going to sell out. It's going to be a ton of fun. Go to LewisOfSkanks.com Sign up for my mailing list to get inside information and a bonus podcast. Check out all the other pods that I do. The Lewis and Zach show, the Regs Legion of Skanks and make sure you guys subscribe to Gas Digital. This show is uncensored and ad free only@gas digital.com and at this point I think we have about 10 episodes that are not available anywhere else. You can't get them on YouTube or iTunes anywhere. It's only exclusively for Gas Digital at this point so you get the Entire on demand library. Pre release racist live chat. Lots of fun benefits for being a GAS digital subscriber. Use the promo code war and save a buck fifty a month.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, it's come down to our final four stories. And Naim, you're probably feeling pretty low right now. I feel hard figure out of it. You're drawing pictures on your board instead of just writing answers because you just. You're lost. But I don't want that out of you. I want the best out of you because you're not out of this.

[Naim Ali]

Okay.

[Rich Voss]

Yes, she is.

[Big J Okerson]

Because for the next four stories. Oh, we go double points.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, double point.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh.

[Naim Ali]

Double points. Yes. Let's go double points. I'm still in it.

[Aaron Berg]

Yep.

[Naim Ali]

I thought it was over.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm over here.

[Naim Ali]

Drawing enemies.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's different now because now if you. You know, before you would get one point if you fooled someone and two points if you guessed the right person.

[Aaron Berg]

But now you get double points.

[Rich Voss]

Did you just. Did you just explain one point and is 2 points? You explain double points to him? Did you just do. That's okay.

[Naim Ali]

Why you can't explain double points to me. I like that.

[Rich Voss]

I think you know what double points are.

[Naim Ali]

It is. But it sounds good when they explain, ain't it? Well, cuz.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Cuz when we say it, we can go double points. You see, you guys, you have to be a story warrior in order to.

[Aaron Berg]

Trigger the right so they can say it. And myself being a story warrior, I could say double point.

[Rich Voss]

How. How do you become a story warrior?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You got to win the game.

[Rich Voss]

What's that?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You have to win the game.

[Rich Voss]

Oh, that's a lot of pressure. Can you. How can you.

[Big J Okerson]

Isn't it crazy how much pressure? It is because you didn't think you want the power to say that and get that reaction in the crowd, but you do.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, you do.

[Rich Voss]

Oh, but see, that's where you're wrong, okay? Because right. I. This is a fucking inconvenience for me. All right?

[Big J Okerson]

It's fair.

[Rich Voss]

Lucky I'm here. I'm Rich Fox.

[Big J Okerson]

But for your time, Rich, just know.

[Rich Voss]

What's that?

[Big J Okerson]

We're tied for first. You could be taking home the magician's lie. While specific quotes from accredited book reviews are not available in the provided sources, the novel has been praised for its engaging plot and rich historical detail. The blend of magic and mystery offers readers a captivating glimpse into the life of a female magician navigating a world of intrigue and danger. Magician's Wife. It's A great book, so just know it ain't for nothing. Alex. Story number five.

[Alex]

Story number five. I needed money for drugs once, so I tried to sell a bag of actual grass to a guy. He wouldn't buy it, so we kicked the. Out of him.

[Big J Okerson]

Just from simply calling weed grass. This is definitely Voss. I mean, that was crazy, trying to sell a little grass.

[Naim Ali]

Damn. You try. That's crazy.

[Rich Voss]

We. No, we called it pot. We didn't call it grass. What's wrong with you?

[Naim Ali]

Grass.

[Rich Voss]

Grass.

[Naim Ali]

Grass.

[Big J Okerson]

This is such a Jersey dirt bag story. A bag of actual grass.

[Naim Ali]

No, this Lewis, yo. This Lewis, bro.

[Big J Okerson]

This absolutely would be Louis. But Lewis doesn't. I don't think Lewis was ever in a crew of like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We were too. Me and the band members of Salty Black Flower.

[Big J Okerson]

But Voss was like a drug addict, and this is the behavior of someone.

[Naim Ali]

Okay. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

This is crazy. A grass. A bag of actual grass was my. That was the giveaway to me.

[Naim Ali]

Did you hang with people that would beat people up? Did you hang people that kick the. Out of somebody?

[Rich Voss]

I mean, I grew up in.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

In.

[Rich Voss]

In the hood in Plainfield, but we. We weren't people up over. Over grass, you know?

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, over pie, a little bit of grass.

[Rich Voss]

Yeah. I mean, we rip people off, but we're not gonna.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Are you not gonna buy my reefer?

[Rich Voss]

What's that?

[Naim Ali]

My reefer.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Rich Voss]

What the. I'm not. You know, now, Peewee or Stanley, maybe.

[Big J Okerson]

Peewee would have, but not for only racist reasons. I want to say naim.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What.

[Naim Ali]

What the. I'm not doing.

[Big J Okerson]

No, not in bad Ray. Like in. In awesome. Racism's like, you'll try to scam this dude, and then if not, if he doesn't go for it, you'll kick the out. That's badass.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Rich, you hung out with a guy named Peewee. Peewee.

[Rich Voss]

You didn't with Peewee?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Naim Ali]

You don't with Peewee?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He had a playhouse.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Peewee was big.

[Rich Voss]

Yeah. Peewee was.

[Naim Ali]

That's the opposite nickname.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah, like smart guy.

[Rich Voss]

There was a couple dudes, you know, Rich.

[Big J Okerson]

They call Rich the calculator.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Where's the calculator at?

[Rich Voss]

Yo, where's the encyclopedia, you pink fingernail gobbler? First of all, what was I gonna say?

[Naim Ali]

Ah, damn, this ain't got dementia. He said, what was I gonna. He was. Man. Huh?

[Rich Voss]

See, you're trying to divert. You're trying to divert because that's some hood shit is jumping on. Let's listen. I'm telling you, Aaron didn't Do that because Aaron didn't really have a crew as a kid.

[Naim Ali]

Okay?

[Rich Voss]

Big J didn't really have a crew. Lewis could have had a crew, but he was. He was getting bullied. So it was you.

[Naim Ali]

It wasn't me, bro. I never sold nobody no grass. We was excessive.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, hold on. So it's not. Seriously, they didn't call it grass. They actually sold grass. There's a word. There's no other word for that. So. So here's the thing. I know we're thinking it's rich because of the word grass, but he sold grass.

[Naim Ali]

Actual grass. Not weed. Grass.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I can see Naeem. Naim.

[Naim Ali]

I'm not doing no shit like that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Naim, you did grow up with vagrants. Admit this.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, I did. I grew up with fucked up ass people. But, you know, our trick wasn't that. Our trick was you chop up some soap, you throw some baking soda on the outside of it and you sell that as crack to the crack I bought. Jackson, that's how you make.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Tell you.

[Naim Ali]

That was our scam. I'm not trying. Yes, bro, I know. I. I hang with weed smokers. They know what weed look like. If I'm selling weed to somebody.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, no, this guy didn't buy it.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, yeah, he didn't buy it.

[Big J Okerson]

That's why, that's why you and your black friends kick the. Out of him.

[Rich Voss]

Yeah. All right. So you could, so you could buy more crack. I went, I went to.

[Naim Ali]

I never sold crack. I sold soap. I never sold crack my fucking life. I swear to God. I ain't never sell crack. I put a lot of soap, but I was feeling.

[Rich Voss]

One night, one night, one night in Harlem. I had no money, so I tried to rip off the dealer. I snatched out of his hand 3. He punched me twice in the face.

[Aaron Berg]

God damn.

[Rich Voss]

He was. I didn't feel. I drove. I. I threw it in a pipe. And it was soap. It was. And I pulled back, I go, look, you don't rip me me off when I'm ripping you off. How can you. You can't trust a. Yeah, you punched.

[Big J Okerson]

Me in the face for taking soap.

[Rich Voss]

Yeah, well, he was a crap. A soap dealer. Yeah, that.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, that's the scam. Soap is the scam. We don't scam with grass. First of all, if you in the hood, ain't no grass. It's all concrete. Talking about grass, I ain't see grass. I was 12 years old.

[Rich Voss]

He got some pushy on it.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm going to get started up here. This one reeks of Rich Voss to me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, Rich, you just made a face like you're guilty. That was crazy. Did everyone see that? He went, it could be Aaron Berg, too. Aaron Berg just. He's been being very quiet.

[Naim Ali]

He's so quiet.

[Aaron Berg]

Very quiet.

[Big J Okerson]

You think? A bunch of. A bunch of.

[Aaron Berg]

Like he did so weed with my friend Johnny Thor.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

But it was when we were stripping and I would just run bags for.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

See, Johnny Thor is like a name. He was like, give me the toughest name possible. Johnny Thor.

[Big J Okerson]

Remember the time we had a big standoff with the mounted police?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No.

[Aaron Berg]

Johnny Thor's a real guy. I could get him on the phone right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't make a long distance call.

[Aaron Berg]

65 years old, still strips.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Still younger than Rich was, what was.

[Aaron Berg]

A crack addict and was like an original Chippendale, and used to pimp this girl named Crystal in Toronto.

[Big J Okerson]

Real dude.

[Rich Voss]

Crystal. Smoke that.

[Aaron Berg]

What?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Crystal needed money for drugs. That's the rich Voss in it. That's. You know what?

[Naim Ali]

It's Voss, bruh. We're going definitely Voss.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Voss with a capital V. Baby boy needed money for drugs. Nobody else was really a drug addict here. Fake drugs.

[Naim Ali]

Y'all was drug addict addicts. Who does that?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, Voss. Mill it over, yo.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, right. Hey, write me again. Just write me.

[Aaron Berg]

I.

[Rich Voss]

How do you spell your name again?

[Naim Ali]

V, O, S.

[Aaron Berg]

Write out. Write out both words, Rich.

[Rich Voss]

Let me tell you something, cracker.

[Big J Okerson]

By the way, Naim, if you would have spelled any other word, he wouldn't have known what the joke was. C.

[Rich Voss]

You can't call me that. I didn't move next door to you.

[Big J Okerson]

Aaron Berg. It's not a bad guess. This one might throw something.

[Naim Ali]

It might be Aaronberg.

[Big J Okerson]

Everybody's locked in, Alex.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Aaron Burr.

[Aaron Berg]

Oh, I was really quiet on that one. Whoa. I just thought because I was sitting next to Naim, everybody thought it would be him.

[Rich Voss]

No, he's right. There's no grass in the hood. They ain't ripping people off.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Try it.

[Aaron Berg]

We were trying to get weed. It was outside of Bayview Village in Toronto, Ontario, and it was this mall. And there was this guy we just met and he was new and I was running with this gang called the Posse. And it was a bunch of white guys and we should have called it the Pussies. Yes, good point. And mounted Posse.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And we were like, we need some.

[Aaron Berg]

Money, we gotta get some weed because we're trying to fuck these girls tonight. So we fucking got a Ziploc and we. We put literal grass clippings in this ziploc bag. And we went up to this guy. We're like, dude, you want some weed? And I had, like, Jamaican guys with me, like that primo, bro. Buy that.

[Naim Ali]

That real good.

[Aaron Berg]

And he's like, it looks like grass. He's like, because that's Jamaican. That looked like real grass. That's why they call it real sensitive.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I have a feeling there were no Jamaican guys there. Aaron just wants to get his Jamaican accent.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, he went through the accent.

[Big J Okerson]

Right now. Right now, your old friend Skip at home is watching, wearing a. A raccoon hat, going, hey, that didn't happen. I was there.

[Rich Voss]

I said it was me. Me and Thor.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

There was a Jamaican guy there. Christopher Walken was there. It was crazy.

[Aaron Berg]

It was Chet Hanks. Me father is Tom Hanks.

[Big J Okerson]

Just. Just by the grass.

[Aaron Berg]

My father was in a movie, Philadelphia.

[Big J Okerson]

And all your impressions were behind you. And then Homer Simpson runs up.

[Naim Ali]

All right, all right, all right. So look, here's the problem, right? It said money for drugs. If it said money for weed, then I would have thought it was you, probably. Yeah. Y'all, me up with the wording of these stories.

[Rich Voss]

I'm telling you, bro, I gotta. I gotta.

[Naim Ali]

Weed isn't drugs. Weed is just weed.

[Big J Okerson]

Right?

[Rich Voss]

That's not a gateway drug.

[Naim Ali]

It's just weed.

[Aaron Berg]

This message brought to you by the Democrat party of America.

[Rich Voss]

Vote Kamala.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So what happened, Aaron? You beat the out of this guy?

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah, we all beat the out of this.

[Rich Voss]

Did you take his money?

[Naim Ali]

Y'all robbed him?

[Aaron Berg]

No, there's four of us. He had no money. We just beat him up.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, damn. What a waste. Everybody's goddamn time.

[Aaron Berg]

Y never tried it again, though. We knew grass did not look like weed.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, grass isn't moving the way you'd think in Canada. No.

[Rich Voss]

Oh, you know, I. I gotta say, I gotta be cleaning up on points.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, where are points at?

[Naim Ali]

Yo, get this motherfucker outta here, bruh.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, actually, Voss guessed right. He's.

[Naim Ali]

He's crushing. He's crushing.

[Alex]

All right. With five points, Luis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

Respectable, respectable.

[Alex]

With six points, Big J Okerson.

[Aaron Berg]

Voss.

[Alex]

And tied for the lead with 10 points each, Aaron Berg and Rich Voss.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Naim Ali]

God damn.

[Rich Voss]

How the.

[Naim Ali]

He get 10? How the. You got 10, bro.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He got 10 because of.

[Rich Voss]

Wait, three were wrong.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Double points.

[Aaron Berg]

I got double points.

[Naim Ali]

I don't get points for me.

[Aaron Berg]

You got two points.

[Rich Voss]

Oh, but they said, me. Don't I get points for them getting wrong Many times.

[Big J Okerson]

Does someone have to play this game before they understand the points.

[Aaron Berg]

Yo, that, that calculator ain't right. Twice a day calculator strike again.

[Rich Voss]

Explain old boobless. Explain the double pointing again.

[Aaron Berg]

Oh, my God.

[Rich Voss]

All right.

[Aaron Berg]

I don't know. You would get single points, but now you get double points.

[Naim Ali]

And I'm still losing this. Double point this.

[Aaron Berg]

May I as a story warrior interject. I've been there. I've been where you are. And it looks hopeless and it feels hopeless, but it is not. When I became a story warrior, my necessary journey was from zero point points to the end where I double pointed it up like crazy with double points. And then I took home the hardware, baby. Okay, you're still in this.

[Naim Ali]

Okay, I'm gonna stay here. I got.

[Rich Voss]

I'm gonna tell you the truth. I, I, I don't see it.

[Naim Ali]

Damn. That's up, bro.

[Big J Okerson]

Rich is playing the long game. It's been a long week, and I bet a lot of us have put on a few pounds. I'm looking at you, Louis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You son of a. It says it's been a long winter in the end. Oh, it's been, guys. Maybe you spent a week in Jamaica.

[Big J Okerson]

And when you're big and beefy and it's hot outside like Jamaica, and your legs start rubbing together, things can get pretty uncomfortable.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That is why sheath is here. With the technology you need to venture outdoors in the summer or in Jamaica and to keep it cool downstairs. Sheath underwear is moisture wicking underwear, and it keeps all your equipment cool and separated. They have two little pouches. Well, they're probably average sized pouches, but they're little for me that you can put your dick and balls into. They make it look like you have a big fat package, which rules. That's the best part. All of it is you take your pants down and you're like, oh, look at, look at all of this, ladies.

[Big J Okerson]

And now they have ultra premium fabrics like bamboo. Think of how big your dick is going to look wrapped in bamboo.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, my God. I love bamboo underwear. They have a mesh for cooling benefit.

[Big J Okerson]

I got a re up on sheath underwear.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I have so many. Dude, I'll give you some. They're, they're super sleek, great styles.

[Big J Okerson]

The same size panties.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think we probably wear the exact same size underwear.

[Big J Okerson]

The panties, maybe.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What do you wear? Sheath, Larger, Large?

[Big J Okerson]

I always go extra large. Okay, sheath is here. To keep it cool downstairs, go to sheathunderwear.com and use that promo code, wars with a Z W A R Z.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

W A R, Z. If you go to sheathunderwear.com I believe sheath.com works as well. If you go to sheathunderwear.Com and use the promo code Wars W A R Z, you're going to get 20 off your entire order today. So do that right now. Sheathunderwear.com.

[Big J Okerson]

Let'S get back into Alex.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Story number six.

[Rich Voss]

Fucking ten points.

[Alex]

Story number six. I brought a homeless girl home that smelled terrible. I used a condom with her because she said she had a secret and wouldn't tell me what it was.

[Naim Ali]

What?

[Alex]

I was convinced she had AIDS but still had sex with her.

[Big J Okerson]

Again, if this story's in 1987, it's Voss. If it's anything after 2000, it's Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I was thinking it was another Aaron Burke.

[Big J Okerson]

This you.

[Naim Ali]

Yo, this you again, bro. This you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This could be a two in a row.

[Naim Ali]

This one of y'all, this one of y'all two right here. I know it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, to be honest with you, this could be anybody at this table. This is some dirt ball.

[Naim Ali]

No, I'm not a homeless, bro. I. A lot of not homeless ones.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Have I ever.

[Aaron Berg]

I thought Johnny Thor had aids, cuz he was real skinny and he always had a rash on his crotch and.

[Naim Ali]

Why you saw his crotch so much?

[Aaron Berg]

We would strip together so we'd be naked.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, Y. Strippers. Oh, he was a stripper.

[Big J Okerson]

It's like chicken for boogers for your friends. Yeah. Hey, man, is there anything in my dick?

[Aaron Berg]

And we went to this house where this girl, like, had just gotten his apartment. And he fucked her in the bathtub with no condom. And he's like, yo, bro, you want to go fuck her? And I was like, yep. And I did. And I was pretty sure I caught AIDS either from him or her. But no, I'm still fine.

[Rich Voss]

But you know, fuck, that's so weird. That's so weird, cuz. Your career court aids?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, his career is HIV positive. You can live. You can live with that career.

[Big J Okerson]

It's no longer a death sentence. Voss.

[Aaron Berg]

This Pratt.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You can live a long, healthy life with that career.

[Rich Voss]

Yeah, see, now I don't. I know it's not you.

[Naim Ali]

You ever the homeless before? You the homeless?

[Rich Voss]

Yeah. You can drop her off anywhere after it.

[Naim Ali]

Damn, bro. You can't be.

[Rich Voss]

I never. A homeless girl. What, are you kidding me?

[Big J Okerson]

I was on that side mattress. Not the room mattress.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, the side.

[Big J Okerson]

The side mattress. You got some homeless chicks. For sure.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You were homeless for a minute in New York City, but you weren't homeless.

[Big J Okerson]

Chicks in New York City.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No. Yeah. When you hear that story, you're that old joke it was just a joke. One of the first big J jokes that I remember. You were like. Something like. You're like, yeah, it sucks being homeless. Really sucks being fat when you're homeless because nobody believes you. Like, sir, I'm very hungry. It's like, all right, come on. Right, Right.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I was never homeless in New.

[Rich Voss]

York City, you know, this is a horror. It could be anybody up here except for me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Naim Ali]

Cuz I ain't never no homeless bro. Never in my goddamn life. I'm not no homeless bro.

[Rich Voss]

I believe you. And black guys don't use rubbers. They don't believe. Right.

[Aaron Berg]

They should invent black condoms. That'll be cool. Just black.

[Big J Okerson]

Just jet black.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah, they got that.

[Naim Ali]

They got.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They have black condoms.

[Naim Ali]

They got black condoms.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Dave, you think you could buy a condom with a picture of a black dick on it? That would look pretty dope.

[Naim Ali]

That's crazy.

[Rich Voss]

Yeah, but if you get a black condom sometime, it probably won't work.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Come on, Aaron. There wasn't a lot of homeless chicks that came into the strip club, right?

[Aaron Berg]

On occasion.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Have you ever had sex with a homeless woman?

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think I have, too. I can't remember which specific one I.

[Aaron Berg]

Have, but it was like in the summer and it was some girl that, like, ran away to the park, you know, and she was like, just a runaway.

[Rich Voss]

She was homeless for a night.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah, it was like a runaway. You know, A runaway.

[Big J Okerson]

So it's better than you thought. Yeah.

[Rich Voss]

See, Lewis is asking a lot of questions. Yeah, I think it was probably asking too many questions.

[Big J Okerson]

Lewis sold tickets on the streets in New York and would anything in any place, if there was an opening somewhere where he can go, and in that place, he would do it.

[Aaron Berg]

I saw a girl in a bathroom in the East Village, and I could watch him. Her. And after. After.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The only way I could.

[Rich Voss]

After you.

[Big J Okerson]

Her.

[Rich Voss]

You used her as a bringer. Right?

[Big J Okerson]

Right. But that girl was home full.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's rare that you tell a bad joke, Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

What? What joke? That girl was full of home.

[Rich Voss]

Yeah, he was. It wasn't a trick joke. He was just saying something.

[Big J Okerson]

Just letting you know that, yeah, the girl had a. She was full of home.

[Aaron Berg]

I'm full of home.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It kind of felt nice, though. You know you're alive when you have a bomb.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

What? I do it here talking, man. We're having a fun time doing.

[Aaron Berg]

This is going to be close.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, I.

[Rich Voss]

It's not going to be. Aaron. Two in a row.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It could be.

[Big J Okerson]

Can be.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's all random.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, it can be, bruh.

[Rich Voss]

Wow, you guys really mixing this up, huh?

[Big J Okerson]

But Naim. Naim just threw a hard. Yes, it could. To throw thing away. And I will say this. I don't think the first time Naim was on the show, he threw me off scent right away of a story that involved pretending to kill yourself to freak a girl out. And Naim goes, that's. That's some. I would never do no gay shit like that. I would do that gay shit. And then when they said the story was Naim's, he goes, I am that gay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was a beautiful moment in Story wars history. All right.

[Naim Ali]

I can't. I can't admit. I'm a very unpredictable guy. Who knows what I'm gonna do next, bro?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, you did shit outside of a woman's apartment.

[Naim Ali]

I did. I did. You guys. Sometimes you gotta do that, bro.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're acting like you're above a homeless person, but you did a homeless activity.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah, Naim's not really giving off a Dre Alba vibes, You know what I mean? I'm a classy gentleman, gentlemen.

[Rich Voss]

I. It's Lewis. Go yourself.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think this is Rich. This.

[Rich Voss]

Me?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you. You homeless women. You said this. And you lived through AIDS when AIDS was a problem. You were young.

[Rich Voss]

Everybody lived through AIDS that's in this room.

[Naim Ali]

I never met nobody with AIDS in my whole life. I don't even think this.

[Big J Okerson]

You were ground zero. Aids Rich.

[Rich Voss]

No. Like, get the out of here.

[Aaron Berg]

Rich was Philadelphia movie theater aids.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Liberace. Tailgate Rich.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Boss. Dirty needle Rich Voss. This was a real thing that he was worried about back in the day.

[Rich Voss]

No way. That's Lewis. You listen, man. I want to get. You want to get some points?

[Aaron Berg]

This one's hard.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Aaron.

[Naim Ali]

Points. I know what I'm doing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Rich is so desperate right now.

[Naim Ali]

I'm telling you, bro.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Rich.

[Rich Voss]

Was he.

[Aaron Berg]

You look at me. Oh, God. That doesn't help.

[Rich Voss]

I don't need to. Homeless girl.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My.

[Rich Voss]

I was.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Look. Idiot.

[Rich Voss]

I was good up.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm voting for Lewis.

[Rich Voss]

I'm voting for Lewis. Nasty.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

God. I'll say. It's either me or Rich. Obviously. Yes.

[Naim Ali]

That. That.

[Aaron Berg]

Here's the problem.

[Naim Ali]

Going through this again, bro.

[Aaron Berg]

Here's the problem.

[Naim Ali]

You're not gonna trick me again, Lewis. Sneaky ass Puerto Rican. I never trust you.

[Aaron Berg]

I'm playing strategically, all right? Because Lewis is behind in points, but Voss is tied. I'm going with R. Rich.

[Big J Okerson]

All answers are in. Locked in, Alex.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Louis J.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Rich Voss]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Naim Ali]

Say my name.

[Rich Voss]

First.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Rich Voss]

Whoa. Me and Jake get points.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Yeah. So we'll go for it a second. So, so yeah, this is when I was selling comedy club tickets and I met this bitch. She was, she was literally. And I mean this ugly. There's no other words to describe this woman. She was a young, ugly girl. Not a redeeming, not one redeeming thing about her physically. She was fat. She had short hair, like afro Y. She kind of looked like me, I gotta be honest with you. And she was fucking gross. And she was like, she was like, yeah, I don't have anywhere to sleep. I'm homeless. And I was like, I just do now, baby. Saying whatever I could to get her to come back to my place. I was like, yeah, you can sleep over. So she, we can't. We took the subway back to Brooklyn. And she was like, oh. She was like, I should just tell you this before you go back. And I was like, what? She's like, nothing.

[Naim Ali]

What? Nothing.

[Rich Voss]

She lost £10 on the subject.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So I was like, I was like, what? And then I was like, fuck, dude, this girl has aids. Holy shit, I'm gonna die tonight because I'm not gonna turn down pussy. I obviously still have to have sex with her.

[Big J Okerson]

You gonna turn down fat homeless pussy just cause of aids?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

An ugly, an ugly homeless chick?

[Naim Ali]

What the fuck?

[Big J Okerson]

Crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I was like, I was like, no, I can't give this pussy up. Jesus. So I used condoms, I used condoms with her and then I ended up still kicking her out. I acted like an emergency happened. I, I, I faked, I faked a phone call and I was like, whoa, no way. We gotta go now.

[Big J Okerson]

What? I have aids.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

What was your secret? It's probably fine.

[Naim Ali]

Jay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Don'T. I hate one guy. So she left. Like I, I, I. And then I was like, I was like, oh, I have to take the subway back into the city. And we went to the subway. Then the subway came and I put her on it. I was like, oh, I forgot something at my place.

[Big J Okerson]

Spartan kick.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I swear to God, I forgot to. Dude, it was just lie after lie. And I was like, oh, I forgot. I just watched her sadly destroy my left.

[Big J Okerson]

But I left all of my belongings that I own at your place.

[Rich Voss]

I would have, I would have loved for her to hold up your wallet in the subway.

[Big J Okerson]

But then, But I left my dog in sticking bandanas.

[Naim Ali]

My can of beans.

[Big J Okerson]

But don't you like my hobo's belongings?

[Rich Voss]

What do you want to find out her secret?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I found out her secret. So then I Went home and then I looked into the garbage can.

[Big J Okerson]

In your garbage can?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, she had. Oh, it was so gross. It was a giant, like, maxi pad that was covered in blood. But it wasn't like, you know, it wasn't a tampon. It was one of the big ones, but it's like she'd been wearing it.

[Big J Okerson]

For.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Like, a week, dude. It was. It was like darkness. Yeah. And then I was like. I was like, oh, that was her secret. She didn't have aids. Thank God.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. The secret was you're about knock a clot loose.

[Rich Voss]

Oh, Jesus.

[Naim Ali]

Blood clot.

[Big J Okerson]

You're us.

[Naim Ali]

Blood clot. Are we.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What are we doing? Dirty stories.

[Naim Ali]

That. That was crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Dirty Jers. Dirty Jers, baby.

[Naim Ali]

Dirty Jers.

[Rich Voss]

When. When I used.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You guys wanted dirty. I brought dirty.

[Naim Ali]

Hell, yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

Hell, yeah.

[Naim Ali]

Let's go.

[Rich Voss]

When I used to fuck my wife and it was her time of the month, I just pretend I was killing her.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice. Die. Die.

[Aaron Berg]

Die.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, what do our scores look like?

[Alex]

All right. On the scoreboard, with four points, Naim Ali. With seven points, Louis J. Gomez. Tied with 10 points each, big J Okerson and Aaron Bird. And in the lead with 14 points, Rich Voss.

[Rich Voss]

I would like to thank the Academy.

[Big J Okerson]

And Boss, it ain't official yet, but you are so close to what the New York Times calls a spellbinding blend of historical fiction and psychological suspense. Greer McAllister weaves a tale as mesmerizing as the illusions performed by the amazing Arden herself.

[Rich Voss]

That's amazing. I want to say, to keep this rolling, if I went the book, I'll trade it for a hand job in my car.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice. From any of us? From anybody up here?

[Rich Voss]

Well, I like a girl. There's only two here.

[Big J Okerson]

And they're spoken for by trans men.

[Rich Voss]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, Real quick, everyone. Let's talk about one of our amazing sponsors over here, Story Wars. Longtime sponsor of Story wars and all things guest digital, of course, it's Yo Chris Kratom. He knew it was going to be Yo Kratom. Home of the 60 kilo. While everything in the world changes around you, one thing is for sure, you're gonna get that 60 kilo price.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The sky is blue. The grass is green. You'll create them as 60 kilos of kratom.

[Big J Okerson]

Set your watch by it and buy these guys I drink it. Skankfest, will you? They're still the marquee sponsor of Skank Fest. Always. They come through.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They come in every year to Skank Fest without even a question. They said, we're Sponsoring Skank Fest. It doesn't matter. And I think it's at least four maybe. I think it's might be their fifth year at Skank festival. They genuinely support great comedy. We're not saying get involved with Kratom if you're not already using Kratom, but if you or anybody else you know, uses Kratom already currently, and it helps you out, get it from your kratom.com. they have the best price in Kratom. High quality. Lab tested kratom. 60 bucks for a kilo. There's no promo pounds. It's a lot of kratom. Yokradom.com is the website. Let them know that we sent you there. Right. Send them a little tweet, follow them, buy their stuff. They're great guys. They're great supporters of Comedy and support Yokoratum.com all right, where were we? Alex? Story number seven.

[Alex]

Story number seven. I took a girl to a roadside motel. No cars were in the parking lot before going in. We fooled around and I finished. I then went into the hotel, came back to the car and told her it was sold out.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's a real ass move right there.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, that's take down your shot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This woman just said, no, it's not.

[Aaron Berg]

It happened to her.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that's some g. This is Aaron Burke.

[Aaron Berg]

I In a lot of roadside motels, not gonna lie.

[Big J Okerson]

But if you pop, would you pop in the car from fooling around?

[Aaron Berg]

I'd leave. I. Once a girl came, then I said we should go eat. Took her to Subway and dropped her off.

[Big J Okerson]

We dropped her off. We should eat at different places. I didn't mean the same place. You said you weren't Subway.

[Aaron Berg]

I took her somewhere else.

[Naim Ali]

I think. I think. I think it's Big J because I wrote his name down way before I even heard this story. And I'm just sticking to it.

[Big J Okerson]

You think the Lord's talking to you?

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, I think. I think. Yes. Yes.

[Rich Voss]

I don't.

[Big J Okerson]

I always believe that you were a vessel for the truth, my man.

[Naim Ali]

I'm telling you, bro. God told me. He said Big J about to be it.

[Rich Voss]

I. I don't think it's loose because it would. He would have said my house, not a roadside hotel. I think this was Aaron because Aaron was getting a lot of. At the Stands Club.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Rich Voss]

And. And just go into like some shitty hotel in Canada.

[Big J Okerson]

But even road. Even road. A lot of comics are on the road. Comedy in Canada. A lot of just pulling over to a shitty motel and. And. And then he just Came on some fat Canadian lady.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

This. I can't. This is not roadside motel like that.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, I'm not. I wouldn't even write no.

[Big J Okerson]

Say a Super 8 or something.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, I didn't say the name of the motel.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Naim would have a Super 8. You would have a Motel 6. Yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

They'll leave a light on for you, though, right?

[Naim Ali]

Goddamn right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm sorry. A Motel five and a half.

[Aaron Berg]

Roadside motel. There's something telling in that. Who would say roadside?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You.

[Aaron Berg]

You.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You.

[Big J Okerson]

Crazy. Like, if you said it differently, it's like a total different word. Like road. Sidey. C, Day. Road. See, that sounds French. I'm gonna write down name.

[Naim Ali]

I'm not gonna lie. I wish this was me. You know how much money I waste on hotel motel rooms? And. And it's like, I could have just nut it in the car.

[Big J Okerson]

You could just.

[Naim Ali]

See what I'm saying. You could nut in the car and it'd be like, there's no more rooms. Yeah, yeah, I have rooms.

[Big J Okerson]

So come inside of your Canadian snow suit.

[Rich Voss]

I was just in Canada, but we were, like, in Edmonton, so I don't know where you danced, but everywhere you would go, there was one of those shitty hotels. There was like, no big, nice hotels.

[Naim Ali]

Okay, so what part of Toronto? Okay. Oh, well, I've been. I've been to Toronto before.

[Aaron Berg]

Motels used to cost 40 bucks a night when I was. So the question is.

[Big J Okerson]

That's like three American dollars.

[Naim Ali]

Damn. Now I think it might be you, bro. Toronto. $40.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

$40. It's either. All right, it's Big J or Aaron Berg.

[Big J Okerson]

The spirits have spoken.

[Naim Ali]

They ass spoken. The spirits ass. Woken. I can't. I can't change it now. I cannot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

J or Aaron.

[Rich Voss]

You have my name.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, sorry. It's not Rich.

[Naim Ali]

No, it was up there.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it was up there.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was.

[Naim Ali]

No, that's from the last round.

[Rich Voss]

That was from the last one.

[Naim Ali]

That's from the last round.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Are you a fucking story wars judge?

[Naim Ali]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Giddy.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, shit, I did forget to tell you. I hired a line judge. So whenever we don't know, I can go like this, Lewis. And he goes. He goes. I guess he goes. And I go, oh, it's out.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Is this you?

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, I had to look at it again. No, I've been to a roadside motel in my life before, for sure.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, this move, like, it's. Honestly, it's the reason I'm friends with Aaron, and the reason I'm friends with Big J is that we are all three guys that would do this exact move.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. I just didn't do this one.

[Naim Ali]

Damn. Maybe it is Aaron, bruh.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It could easily be.

[Aaron Berg]

I like coming in. I like saving money.

[Big J Okerson]

And we're gonna take a to a Crown Plaza and spend half your dick wagon money.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Can you. Can you give me 10 seconds as to why it's not you, Aaron?

[Naim Ali]

Well, we all got our up this a. It's him bro.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah, it could very well be me. I mean it sounds like something I would do to a te I would the only issue why it might not be me I don't like getting come on myself. That's a big thing. He hates that if she swallows followed it she not getting a hotel different story if she didn't we're getting a hotel so I can get a hot towel to wipe the come off.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Give me 10 seconds as to why this is not you.

[Rich Voss]

You don't keep napkins in the car.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I've never come from fooling around. I'm not a. Should I write the word? No, it's a different show.

[Aaron Berg]

Dude.

[Naim Ali]

Hell yeah, bro. Bruh.

[Aaron Berg]

Nice.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not. I'm not this.

[Aaron Berg]

Okay, so napkin.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Naim Ali]

Damn bro. I should have wrote Aaron on my bro.

[Big J Okerson]

God lied also as fat as I was a teenager too even like I mean the idea of being able to move around enough to come from car fooling around is batshit. Car.

[Aaron Berg]

Car fooling around rule dude.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I know, but not in a Honda Accord hatchback with a 320 pound kid, man.

[Rich Voss]

You had a lot married.

[Naim Ali]

You did that. You did this.

[Rich Voss]

I'm married.

[Naim Ali]

You did this. Now I think it was you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Aaron Berg is my final answer.

[Big J Okerson]

Lock it the in. The answer is Lewis and I think we nailed this.

[Rich Voss]

Oh, I. That's where you're wrong.

[Big J Okerson]

Whose story is it Rich?

[Aaron Berg]

Son of a.

[Naim Ali]

Is rich. It's rich.

[Alex]

This story belongs to Rich Voss.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

By the way. Rich.

[Naim Ali]

I knew it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Rich, you can't pretend. What? You can't pretend that you don't love winning this game right now. Look at you. I've never seen you so happy.

[Naim Ali]

He's so happy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You see?

[Big J Okerson]

Looked around he's like.

[Rich Voss]

You've never. You've never seen me drop Bonnie off at the airport. I. I was working Rascal South Comedy club. So I picked this girl up after it and I figured I know the one down the shore, right? So I took her to the diner and I got her, you know, I got her a burger. I didn't get her the whole deluxe because I didn't know if I was her. And so then we pull and we're making out in the. In the diner parking lot. She goes, I can't do this here. So I pulled next door to the car wash. She goes, I can't do it. So there's a little shitty hotel across from Rascals. And I pulled in, not a car in there, and she's fucking blowing me. And I said, fool around, but I didn't want to say blow. It's too. I'm not dirty, and I'm a clean comic. People compare me to Gaffigan. And so she blew me. And I walked into the hotel. I go, I'm not gonna be able to get hard again for a while 30 years later. So I came back out. I go, it's sold out. She goes, there's no car. I go, yeah, it's a crack hotel. They don't have cars. And I took her back and dropped her off.

[Big J Okerson]

Sorry, babe.

[Rich Voss]

Hey, listen, I did give her a cd.

[Naim Ali]

Smart. Smart move.

[Aaron Berg]

Cotton deposit.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You were. You were seedy. You were very seedy. Rich man, where are our points? I mean, I think. I believe that Rich is completely.

[Naim Ali]

He blowing us up.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The game away. We're still going to play the final round, but I don't think it's actually possible for anybody else to catch up.

[Naim Ali]

Do triple points.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, what are. What are.

[Rich Voss]

Don't change the rules.

[Naim Ali]

Do quadruple points.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What are. What are.

[Naim Ali]

Damn. You spitting my goddamn drink. Damn.

[Rich Voss]

Who did.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm sorry.

[Naim Ali]

You saw it. That. That said bloop my se.

[Rich Voss]

Well, it's dirty. It's a dirty show. I'm sorry.

[Naim Ali]

It's all right. I'mma still dropped. Drink it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, we here now.

[Rich Voss]

Just pretend it's a burger.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, we're all pointing.

[Rich Voss]

Another drink. Don't drink that.

[Alex]

On the scoreboard with four points, Naim Ali.

[Naim Ali]

We got four. You know what I'm saying?

[Alex]

With seven points left, Lewis J. Gomez. Tied with 10 points each, big J Oson and Aaron Berg.

[Naim Ali]

This is crazy.

[Alex]

And in the lead with 22 points, your winner tonight, Rich Ross.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

22.

[Rich Voss]

This is crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Look how happy he is.

[Naim Ali]

Is this the highest score ever?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, but he could get the highest score.

[Naim Ali]

It's the highest score.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't know what the high score is, but it could be. It's good.

[Naim Ali]

You might have broke the record, bro.

[Rich Voss]

I can't believe this. Friday at the Dunelin Theater. I'm gonna be so happy.

[Alex]

The Highest score was 26 points.

[Rich Voss]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So Rich. You. You could take.

[Naim Ali]

You might Beat it. If you get this one.

[Rich Voss]

No. Because it would have to be me again. No and no.

[Aaron Berg]

No.

[Rich Voss]

How could it.

[Aaron Berg]

How could you get more points?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, he could tie for the high if he just guesses correctly. He ties for.

[Rich Voss]

Who has the highest.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Do we know it's.

[Alex]

Sorry, it's actually 27.

[Rich Voss]

Who?

[Big J Okerson]

You could have just lied.

[Alex]

Bobby Kelly.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Bobby Kelly has the highest score ever. He also has the highest cholesterol ever.

[Rich Voss]

That was good.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He's got double cholesterol.

[Rich Voss]

Elizabeth.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm coming home. I'm coming home.

[Rich Voss]

Hey. Excuse me, Mr. Spielberg.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey.

[Aaron Berg]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Holy shit. Alex. For shits and gigs. Story number eight.

[Alex]

Story number eight. When I was 11 years old, I pissed out straight blood. No piss, just blood.

[Naim Ali]

What the fuck?

[Aaron Berg]

Wait, Alex, is just.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's just.

[Big J Okerson]

You are looking for advice. What do you think that's about?

[Rich Voss]

Put it on.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Was that the homeless girl I took home? Wait, Alex, you. She changed the story on the board. Yeah. Yeah.

[Rich Voss]

Cuz I. I didn't really hear it when I was. It pushed out straight blood. No piss, just blood. Oh, you, bro.

[Naim Ali]

You the oldest. Y'all. Y'all had typhoid and like that. That's you, bro. I don't know.

[Rich Voss]

Not allowed to say typhoid.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't disagree with what you're saying. But this.

[Naim Ali]

Cause who else gonna just like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No.

[Rich Voss]

That's a sick motherfucker right here.

[Big J Okerson]

Naim. You were already getting pussy at 12. I feel like at 11, you were some weird mature kid who just was dealing with very adult problems.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Naim Ali]

What? What the fuck?

[Rich Voss]

And you guys were 13 years old.

[Aaron Berg]

I took a double reverse mortgage on my home.

[Big J Okerson]

I've declared bankruptcy six times before I was 13.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

Attain my pilot slices at 14 and a half.

[Big J Okerson]

Always staying crushing.

[Rich Voss]

Plus, as a kid, you were probably like eating paint chips off the wall.

[Naim Ali]

I never know. Goddamn paint chips, bruh. Come on.

[Rich Voss]

Makes you piss blood, man. Paint chips.

[Naim Ali]

Come on, boss.

[Rich Voss]

Peekaboo.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Naim Ali]

Nah, that's. That's tuberculosis.

[Big J Okerson]

That's right, Rich.

[Naim Ali]

Tuberculosis.

[Big J Okerson]

That's right, Rich. You did fire the OK Corral. You may have tuberculosis.

[Aaron Berg]

It happened to Rich. They put leeches on them to get rid of it.

[Big J Okerson]

They had to take Rich to the medicine man.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Not that it matters, but how many stories has everyone had?

[Rich Voss]

I had two.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I had two.

[Big J Okerson]

I had one.

[Aaron Berg]

I had one.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah. I had one. Yeah. I won.

[Big J Okerson]

Doing some light math. Well.

[Rich Voss]

Oh, aren't you a real profiler? Oh, it's John Douglas.

[Big J Okerson]

Also. I can see his neck, baby. Fast.

[Naim Ali]

Wait, wait, wait. Who the is John Douglas? That's some old bro. He said, John Douglas.

[Big J Okerson]

Mindhunter. Mindhunter.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He's like, who's this guy?

[Naim Ali]

Right?

[Rich Voss]

No, no.

[Naim Ali]

Clock over here.

[Big J Okerson]

Listen to me, Perry making.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

First of all, what do we have? Dwight D. Eisenhower over there?

[Rich Voss]

I see. That's why you got no points. Let me tell you something.

[Big J Okerson]

You got four. No.

[Rich Voss]

How's that going to be driving back to Philly with four points, all right? You're going to go through more tolls than you had points.

[Naim Ali]

Damn. That's up. That's up. Why you gotta say that? Damn, you are ruthless, sir. Ruthless.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, that was good.

[Naim Ali]

God damn.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think I have my answer. I'm gonna let you guys deliberate a little bit, but I think I know who it is.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, me, too.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, I know who this is. This.

[Aaron Berg]

I mean, good. I'm saying it's.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's.

[Naim Ali]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. How old are you, bro?

[Aaron Berg]

I'm 52.

[Naim Ali]

Jam. Now I'm confused. Yeah, Jay Older than A, too, bro. Y'all both had typhoons.

[Aaron Berg]

Jay was not healthy growing up. Jay probably just lived off Capri Suns and stepdad hugs.

[Big J Okerson]

I wish. I wish.

[Aaron Berg]

Lewis wouldn't know if he was pissing blood.

[Big J Okerson]

He'd.

[Aaron Berg]

I just think it was gang initiation. Now, when straight blood sounds like a black expression, like, yo, he's a straight blood. Straight blood just trickled out of my dick.

[Rich Voss]

Aaron's got too many. It's him. Cause you got too many theories.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, wait, can I change it?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, it's already in the thing.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, I can't change. Oh, oh, now rules matter. Yeah, I thought you guys were hardcore. Now. Now rules matter. Okay, I can't change it to air. Fine.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The reason I'm saying Naim is because this is some. This is just a memory of, like, a young boy alone. He didn't tell his mom. He didn't tell anybody else. This is the first time he's ever told anybody this story, in fact, and he's had. He's held it in for 37 years of his life.

[Big J Okerson]

The blood stopped when he was 14.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The blood.

[Naim Ali]

Yo, get the out of here, bro.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we definitely a young.

[Aaron Berg]

That was a boy, period.

[Big J Okerson]

Am I a woman now, Ma?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All of our answers are right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone's locked in the final story. Alex.

[Alex]

The final story belongs to Naim Ali.

[Naim Ali]

God damn it. Yeah, okay, so I did tell my mom because I was scared. So I said. I said, mom, I just pissed out all blood. She said, it's okay. You probably just sneezed too hard.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Naim.

[Aaron Berg]

Somebody shot you in your Penis.

[Naim Ali]

That's what she said. She says, okay, you probably just sneezed too hard.

[Rich Voss]

Oh, no shit.

[Naim Ali]

And then I would. And then I just went on with my life, bro. To this day, I never asked the doctor. To this day why I pissed out blood when I was 11.

[Aaron Berg]

I'm sorry that.

[Naim Ali]

I'm all right, bro. I'm still alive.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, no, you're fine.

[Naim Ali]

It's been a lot of years since I was 11 years old.

[Big J Okerson]

It worked out. It worked out for sure. But it is crazy that you told her. She was like, ah, it's just like. It's like, what?

[Naim Ali]

She ain't want to go be waiting.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

In the hospital if my son. My son's 12. If he started pissing just straight blood today, first of all, I'd be like, are you gay? What are you doing with your. That you have blood coming out of it now.

[Big J Okerson]

Gay sex. Dead. Urgent care now.

[Rich Voss]

Yes.

[Aaron Berg]

Why is there lipstick on the hole?

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, bro, I thought I had aids. I thought I had aids, but I wasn't even yet. So I'm like, if I got aids, how? You see what I'm saying? I never had nobody ever yet.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's immaculate like the Virgin Mary.

[Rich Voss]

Mom, my bone is sticking out of my arm. Brush your teeth. Teeth.

[Aaron Berg]

It's black. Medical answers.

[Big J Okerson]

Rub some dirt on it. You.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, she said I sneeze too hard.

[Aaron Berg]

Take some cussing.

[Big J Okerson]

I like, by the way, it's bad mothering in the sense that you could have been having a major, major internal issue that she overlooked. It's good mothering in those. She goes, if he is dying from something, I can't afford the surgery, so might as well let him just.

[Rich Voss]

Ah, you just bleed out.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Naim Ali]

She asked me was I hurting anywhere, and I was like, no.

[Rich Voss]

And she was like, all right, take a shoe. They gave you a shoe back then.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Blood.

[Naim Ali]

Cocky. I never happened again.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Next time you peed, there was not even a little bit of blood.

[Naim Ali]

No, but. But here's the thing. When I was a kid, I was boxing and playing football, so somebody could have just hit me in my kidneys kind of hard. Oh, yeah, that'll happen, cuz that make you piss blood.

[Rich Voss]

Yeah, but also, you think maybe she.

[Big J Okerson]

Would have told you one of those things other than you sneeze to.

[Aaron Berg]

My wife pisses blood every month.

[Big J Okerson]

For a whole week. Yeah, and you keep telling her same thing. It's fine.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. You think you're tough.

[Big J Okerson]

You sneeze too hard.

[Naim Ali]

I sne. Yeah, sneeze too hard, bro. That what she said.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, What Are. What is our final score at? We already know who our winner is, but make it official.

[Alex]

All right. The final score is. With six points, Naim Ali.

[Naim Ali]

Hell, yeah.

[Alex]

With 11 points, Luis J. Gomez. With 14 points each, big J Okerson and Aaron Berg. And your winner tonight with 22 points, Rich Voss.

[Naim Ali]

Look at this guy. Look at this fucking guy.

[Big J Okerson]

Rich Voss, you not only take home the magician's lie, but you now gain the responsibility and power of being able.

[Rich Voss]

To say, I'm a storyteller.

[Naim Ali]

What the fuck?

[Rich Voss]

No. Story Warrior.

[Naim Ali]

There you go.

[Aaron Berg]

Yes.

[Rich Voss]

Story Warrior. And let me tell you something. I wear this with honor. Let me tell you something. This is going right on the top of my bio. This is knocking everything out.

[Naim Ali]

Story Warrior, bruh.

[Rich Voss]

Oh, this is the biggest day.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Rich, why do you think you were able to pull ahead so far?

[Rich Voss]

Because as a headliner. I know, I know. I don't know. I just got.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What do you think? Something to do with the points.

[Rich Voss]

What's that? Something to do with the points.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Something to do with the points. The amount of points that you were getting in the second half of the game.

[Rich Voss]

22.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Two. No.

[Rich Voss]

How many?

[Naim Ali]

No, no, no, no. Double. You gotta think.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh.

[Rich Voss]

Cause it was double points.

[Big J Okerson]

Everybody. How about it for Rich Voss, our newest Story Warrior. And keep it going for everybody on the panel. Rich Voss. Naim Ali Aronberg. I'm Big J Okerson. That is the Puerto Rican Eagle Ice. Puerto Rican Rattlesnake Lewis. Jay Gomez. Thank you guys for hanging out. Story Wars. We'll catch you next time. Good night.