034. Steve Rannazzisi, Tim Butterly, & Justin Silver | Death

Summary

Story Warz Episode 034: Steve Rannazzisi, Tim Butterly, & Justin Silver | Death

Release Date: March 28, 2025

Introduction

In Episode 034 of Story Warz, hosted by GaS Digital Network's Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez, the dynamic duo welcomes three esteemed guests: Steve Rannazzisi, Tim Butterly, and Justin Silver. Filmed live at The Stand Comedy Club in New York City, this episode centers around the poignant and universally relatable theme of Death, challenging the contestants to share their most compelling and deceptive stories on the subject.

Meet the Guests

• Steve Rannazzisi: A seasoned Story Warrior, Steve brings a blend of humor and heartfelt storytelling to the panel.
• Tim Butterly: Known for his romantic and nuanced tales, Tim adds depth and emotion to the game.
• Justin Silver: As a two-time winner and a comical force, Justin's stories are as entertaining as they are deceptive.

Game Setup

Story Warz operates on a simple yet intriguing premise:

• Each participant submits three to five stories on the designated topic—in this case, Death.
• The producer, Alex, presents these stories one at a time without revealing the author.
• Contestants must discern whether the story is theirs or one of their opponents'.
  • If it's their story: They must convincingly argue that it's not theirs.
  • If it's not their story: They must correctly identify the true author.
• Scoring:
  • Correctly guessing another's story earns 2 points.
  • Successfully deceiving others about their own story earns 1 point.
• Prize: This episode's winner takes home George Carlin’s satirical masterpiece, "When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?"—a nod to Carlin’s sharp social commentary.

Round 1: "Death and Delicious Spreads"

Story 1: "My only memory of the night my grandfather died is that the food spread at my grandmother's house was so big and delicious that it felt disrespectful." [04:48]

Discussion & Guesses:

• Luis J. Gomez suspects Steve Rannazzisi initially, questioning the cultural implications of the food spread.
• Steve counters by sharing his own contrasting experience: "When my grandma starved to death, we were all very sad. That's my story." [05:37]
• The panel juggles cultural stereotypes humorously, teasing about Italian and Jewish culinary traditions.

Notable Quotes:

• Steve Rannazzisi: "When my grandma starved to death, we were all very sad." [05:37]
• Luis J. Gomez: "My mother used to write that." [08:18]

Points Update: After the first round, all contestants are tied with 2 points each, setting a competitive tone for the episode.

Round 2: "Mourning and Misadventures"

Story 2: "I made out with a girl in a funeral home in the room where they keep the caskets." [12:36]

Discussion & Guesses:

• Luis immediately points to Justin Silver, citing his past behavior and penchant for outrageous antics.
• Justin jokes about the obviousness of his own story but maintains his composure during the sleuthing.
• The conversation delves into dark humor, with playful accusations flying across the table.

Notable Quotes:

• Steve Rannazzisi: "If it wasn't Justin, somebody just cleaned the fuck up on points." [15:52]
• Justin Silver: "Wait, this could be Lewis." [15:38]

Points Update: Steve Rannazzisi emerges as the leader with 4 points, while Luis and Justin are neck-and-neck with 4 points each, intensifying the competition.

Mid-Game: Introduction of Double Points

At the halfway mark, the game shifts gears:

• Double Points are introduced, meaning every point earned henceforth is worth twice as much.
• This strategic change ups the stakes, making the latter half of the game more crucial and competitive.

Round 3: "Stealing Memories"

Story 3: "After my grandma died, my mother used her ID and credit card to buy a new camcorder." [20:35]

Discussion & Guesses:

• The panel debates the plausibility and underlying motives behind the story, with Steve vehemently denying any connection to himself.
• Luis and Justin dissect the narrative, contemplating familial relationships and the ethics of using a deceased relative’s belongings.

Notable Quotes:

• Steve Rannazzisi: "My grandma was a prostitute and a drug dealer. She did not have credit cards." [21:26]
• Luis J. Gomez: "That's how you made me feel bad." [26:10]

Points Update: Steve maintains his lead with 6 points, while Luis and Justin trail at 5 points each.

Round 4: "Ghostly Kisses"

Story 4: "My first girlfriend always said she'd be dead before she was 30. She died a few days before her 30th birthday." [30:38]

Discussion & Guesses:

• The emotional weight of the story brings a reflective tone to the game.
• Contestants grapple with the authenticity of the narrative, with Justin initially hesitant but ultimately revealing the true author.
• The conversation intertwines personal anecdotes and humor, keeping the atmosphere light despite the heavy topic.

Notable Quotes:

• Big Jay Oakerson: "Every time my significant other has lost someone since we've been together, I've had to pretend to care." [81:13]
• David Rannazzisi: "I'm telling you right now, you guys are barking up the wrong tree here." [55:38]

Points Update: As the game progresses, Tim Butterly surges ahead with 16 points, tying with Steve Rannazzisi, while Luis J. Gomez and Justin Silver trail behind.

Tie-Breaker Round

With both Luis J. Gomez and Steve Rannazzisi leading at 16 points, a tie-breaker is initiated:

• Story 9: "I once had a dream that I killed someone on this panel." [104:21]

Discussion & Guesses:

• The tension heightens as the last story demands quick thinking and strategic wagering.
• Accusations and playful banter ensue, with Stu maintains his composure, ultimately revealing himself as the true author of the tie-breaker story.
• Steve Rannazzisi wins the round, clinching the victory with a final lead of 16 points.

Final Points:

• Steve Rannazzisi: 16 points (Winner)
• Luis J. Gomez: 16 points
• Tim Butterly: 14 points
• Justin Silver: 9 points
• Big Jay Oakerson: 8 points

Conclusion

Steve Rannazzisi emerges victorious in this intense episode of Story Warz, earning George Carlin's "When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?" His ability to weave deceptive stories while maintaining his integrity paid off, solidifying his status as a formidable Story Warrior. The episode concludes with heartfelt congratulations and humorous reflections on the game’s twists and turns.

Notable Moments:

• [03:45] Luis announces the prize, highlighting the show’s commitment to delivering quality content.
• [26:03] The revelation of who submitted each story creates pivotal turning points in the game.
• [104:21] The tie-breaker story intensifies the final showdown, showcasing the contestants' storytelling prowess.

Key Quotes:

• Steve Rannazzisi: "That story belongs to Steve Ranazizi." [73:40]
• Luis J. Gomez: "I'm the story dynasty." [70:02]
• Justin Silver: "If it's you, I'll be cool about it." [106:36]

Insights & Highlights:

• The dynamic interplay between humor and serious topics like death offers a unique viewing experience.
• The strategic introduction of Double Points adds complexity and excitement, keeping listeners engaged.
• Contestants' ability to bluff and guess with precision underscores the skill involved in Story Warz.

Final Thoughts

Episode 034 of Story Warz delivers a captivating blend of humor, strategy, and personal storytelling. With Steve Rannazzisi’s triumph and the lively interactions among the hosts and guests, this episode stands out as a testament to the show's creative format and the participants' comedic talents. Whether you're a long-time listener or new to the series, this episode offers entertainment and intrigue in equal measure.

Transcript

[Big J Okerson]

Fill her up.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're listening to the GAS Digital Network.

[Justin Silver]

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Story wars with.

[Steve Rannazizi]

The Story Warriors, Big J Okerson and Louis J. Gomez.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What's up, everybody? Welcome to Story Wars.

[Steve Rannazizi]

You guys better be great. We will say this last week's audience was the worst Story wars audience we ever had in the history of the show. It was two weeks ago. Last week was in Jersey, which fucking. We'll move this show directly to the state of New Jersey. You think we won't be fucking great?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Who here is familiar with the Story wars game?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Beautiful.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's good. Don't worry, everybody. If you don't know the game, we will explain it to you very shortly. But first, why don't we get our esteemed guests up here? Our first guest from the dad Meat podcast and Tim butterly show on YouTube, clap it up for the hilarious Tim Butterly.

[Steve Rannazizi]

It should be pointed out that Tim Butterley is an actual Story Warrior. He won the last time he was on. So thank you for coming back, Tim.

[Justin Silver]

About to be the two time. Let's go.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Our next guest, one of the. Really, one of the original legion of Skanks, one of our very close friends, and one of the funniest comics working today. Clap it up as loud as you can for Justin Silver. I'm seeing a trend.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm seeing a trend. Thank you, Justin, for being here. Our final contestant, everybody from the league, and he is of course a Story wars legend, being here since the inception of the game. Clap it up for the hilarious Steve Renese.

[Steve Rannazizi]

These guys came to play the game today. They don't want to give us any tells. They're. They're like, they're sitting at the World Series of Poker right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They should have names like the Rambler.

[Tim Butterly]

I watched every episode yesterday just to prepare for this moment right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Rena Z. You like Coastal Police with those fucking things on?

[Tim Butterly]

Watch this body shirt. Thank you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Sorry, ladies. You're getting trouble for too much booty on the beach. If you're not familiar with Story War is very quick explanation of the game. Everybody on this panel, including Lewis and I, have submitted three to five stories to our lovely producer Alex on one specific subject. Today's subject, Louis.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Death.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Death.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Were you guys doing an impression of a ghost? They were like, o.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex will read those stories in no particular order, one at a time. When the story comes on the screen, if it's your story, you're the only person who knows that it is your job to fool everybody that it's not your story. And if it's not your story, it is your job to guess whose story it is.

[Steve Rannazizi]

And every time you get a correct guess, you get two points. Every person you fool, you get one point. Once you write the name on the board, put the board in the slot, you cannot change your answer. That is your final answer. It sounds confusing, but it's not. Guys, you're going to follow along very easily. You're going to love it. And by the way, Jay, you got to tell them what we're playing for today.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, every week here at Story wars, we play for a book from the Story wars library. This week, with no exception, is a fantastic one. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

[Tim Butterly]

Read it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

By George Carlin. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? Is a satirical collection of essays and observations that reflect Carlin's signature dark humor and sharp social commentary. The book tackles a variety of topics, from religion and politics to language and human behavior, all through the lens of Carlin's irreverent and often controversial perspective.

[Steve Rannazizi]

We're just giving this book away, so.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Just know, guys, it ain't for nothing. Now, if everybody's ready, it's time for war.

[Tim Butterly]

Let's do it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex, break our hymens with story number one.

[Alex]

Story number one. My only memory of the night my grandfather died is that the food spread at my grandmother's house was so big and delicious that it felt disrespectful.

[Big J Okerson]

Who would notice food at a funeral at this table?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, I want to say Jews, which feels mean just to me. This does feel me and Justin, but it's not me. And my first instinct, not Justin, was Steve Renazisi, who's looking at me through those fucking beach shades, right?

[Steve Rannazizi]

No.

[Tim Butterly]

How could you tell? Wait, I am.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, damn it.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Well, Italians have great food.

[Tim Butterly]

We do have great.

[Steve Rannazizi]

The Jews have great food. Jay loves great food.

[Tim Butterly]

We know it's not you.

[Steve Rannazizi]

No, no, no. When my grandma died, there was no food. There was no spread.

[Big J Okerson]

There's no food.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Before she left my grandma, that's why she died.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She starved to death.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, my God.

[Steve Rannazizi]

When my grandmother starved to death, we were all very sad. That's my story.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Butterly.

[Tim Butterly]

What are you, Irish? No, I know, but, like, they don't. You're Catholic.

[Justin Silver]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

They don't do food.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I was gonna say, we do, like, a nice lunch.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It doesn't feel like a food thing.

[Big J Okerson]

They take a shot and they're like.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I grew up in Kensington. There was no food.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Oh, we had some boiled cabbage.

[Tim Butterly]

Can I ask a question of Alex, the word spread. Is that the. Did you change that, or is that in the person's story? Because that's a big word to me.

[Alex]

I'm no longer answering questions like that.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I'm sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait, Alex, are you allowed to change the wording of the. Can I ask.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Alex can change the wording.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, she can change the wording.

[Tim Butterly]

But I guess you're not allowed to ask.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex, you can change the wording to not be specific to an obvious to make an obvious better person.

[Tim Butterly]

I like that word, though. That. That's very Jewish to me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And I feel like I have my answer. I feel like Justin's filling with pride when you're saying that. Steve. Like, well worded. He's like, I am a bit of a word.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I can hear Big J. This sound like a big J sort of sentence.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Good. Please guess me.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Maybe I will.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I hope you do.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Justin's writing an answer very quickly, which.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Justin. Rent is easy. I know. Justin's jumping.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah. I feel like Jay's also trying to sell it a little too hard right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I am.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Jay would say food spread at my grandmother's house. Don't you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm writing big J on your.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Maybe I don't want to write Big J just yet. Steve.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yo.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Do you remember the night that your grandfather died?

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah. I was in fifth grade. Both my grandfathers died within two months of each other.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Awesome. Why were they married to each other?

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, it was. It was. They were cross lovers. And once one killed themselves, the other one just like. I can't live without them. Yeah, no, that's. It was fifth grade. I. We didn't have. I mean, I don't remember the spread.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But everyone's saying Justin.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I feel like Justin's. Jay's doing a lot of overacting right now. Yeah, a lot of.

[Justin Silver]

Go ahead, vote for me. That he always says when it is him.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah. 100. And he. He's got theories. He's throwing it out to a lot of people right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's how the show works. We have to throw out theories.

[Steve Rannazizi]

No, I think now I'm worried I.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Locked in because you. Well, you don't. You didn't know your grandparents. I would say it's you, but I knew.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I knew my one grandmother.

[Justin Silver]

The word disrespectful screamed Justin for some reason to me, and then he immediately.

[Big J Okerson]

Jumped sexually harassing me.

[Justin Silver]

What was that?

[Big J Okerson]

Said stop sexually harassing me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And it begins. Do you see what.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm sick of it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Do you see what I'm Saying, I'll.

[Justin Silver]

Pull up the text right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Of a man trying to have sex with you.

[Big J Okerson]

Listen, I know how you feel about me.

[Tim Butterly]

I'm putting it in. I'm in the slot.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Why are you taking so long? Oh, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, we just put him in.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Whenever Alex isn't calling him big, Jason Okerson is. My final guest is Big J.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This one fools every one of you.

[Justin Silver]

Oh, God damn it. It is him.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Big J.

[Big J Okerson]

You guys are losers, man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The audience was like, they knew. They were. Yeah, go ahead, pick me. Waste your.

[Justin Silver]

Waste your points.

[Tim Butterly]

Two Jews, and I can't pick the right one.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Jay has some specific tells that I've caught on to at this point.

[Tim Butterly]

I thought you talked first. That's why you gave it away. But all right, I learned something.

[Steve Rannazizi]

So, Jay, how good was the spread? Talk to us about how delicious the spread was.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was so good.

[Big J Okerson]

It was so whitefish salad.

[Luis J. Gomez]

My mom sent me to her friend's house so she can go visit my grandfather in the hospital, who has very aggressive cancer. And then she came to pick me up two hours later and was like, he passed. Which I was getting ready to process. But as a little fat kid, we went to my grandmother's house that night. And already that night, two hours after death, a lunch meat spread like I've never seen in my life.

[Big J Okerson]

Like, he planned it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was beaut. It was so delicious. And I remember feeling so bad. Cause all I could think about was like, are people gonna think I'm fat if I get another sandwich? And it was like, the night of his fucking. God damn. Yeah. So that was it. It felt disrespectful that someone gave that much of a shit about ordering delicious foods.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah, I think you shouldn't have good food food at a funeral anyway.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It wasn't a funeral. It was the night he died. He died at night.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you eat it off his body?

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, it was awesome.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Like really sexy sushi places. Yeah, listen, I won't mind.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't know why it felt like I'm like. I remember walking. I was 10, but I was like, yeah, this is a crazy spread.

[Tim Butterly]

Well, you were smelling.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Died two hours ago.

[Steve Rannazizi]

The night when you go back to the house at the wake.

[Tim Butterly]

That's whitefish. Far disrespectful, dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Of course there was white fish salad.

[Big J Okerson]

The best.

[Luis J. Gomez]

There was all kind of corned beef and. And turkey and just like Russian dressing out the ass.

[Big J Okerson]

Knish.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No knish. It was a goddamn. We were mourning. No, I was right.

[Big J Okerson]

It wasn't like a party knish. You don't get a festive food like that's.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We also didn't have glints either. It's too festive.

[Steve Rannazizi]

You're not allowed to have cake or pie the night your grandfather died.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, is there dessert?

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, just savory. Only savory.

[Big J Okerson]

Blow out the candle.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Savory on the night of day.

[Tim Butterly]

Black and white cookies and.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, this is Philly. This was Philly. This is New York. That's a New York thing.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Love a black and white cookie, though.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, my God. It would solve anything.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Not for death.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, absolutely. You Only you.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Only the dark side.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Not for a death.

[Big J Okerson]

I thought that was funny.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Save the white side for the next morning.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Alex, where are our points at after round one?

[Alex]

All right, after the first round, on the scoreboard, tied with two points each, I have Louis J. Gomez, Big J Oak Wilkerson and Justin Silver.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm killing it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Steven Tim Zilcho.

[Steve Rannazizi]

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[Luis J. Gomez]

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[Steve Rannazizi]

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[Luis J. Gomez]

Non client endorsement, not representative of all clients and not a guarantee. Investment advisory services offered by Stash Investments LLC and SEC Registered investment advisor. Investing involves risk offer is subject to tncs. Alex, Story number two.

[Alex]

Story number two. I made out with a girl in a funeral home in the room where they keep the caskets.

[Steve Rannazizi]

This is a Ranna Zizi or Justin story.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Or Justin's story.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I mean, not all. Not. It's definitely Justin. Now that was a crazy reaction. Justin, why are you wearing sunglasses? We're gonna make it so obvious that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You wrote Lewis so fast.

[Tim Butterly]

He wrote it so he wasn't Even done reading it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Justin, I, I. Justin's never.

[Justin Silver]

Wait, I can set all this. Alex, did you change that to the word girl?

[Big J Okerson]

That's very funny.

[Tim Butterly]

Did we you take some liberties here, Alex?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Justin, was this.

[Big J Okerson]

I can't control who's looking.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Talk to me. Was this you, Justin?

[Big J Okerson]

No. What am I gonna say?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yes, you can say whatever you want.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Technically, you could just tell us what's.

[Justin Silver]

The weirdest place you ever made out.

[Big J Okerson]

With a girl in a canoe? On the Delaware River.

[Steve Rannazizi]

A Jew in a canoe. No, stop it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Impossible.

[Steve Rannazizi]

That's a whole fucking rhyming joke.

[Big J Okerson]

Sleepwalking.

[Tim Butterly]

What? Louis, why do you think it's. Why did he think it was you right away?

[Steve Rannazizi]

I think. Well, why did he think it's me?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I. Look, I would. I do get turned on by death very often. I've had it so much in my life, but I've never made out with a girl in a funeral home. I did know a girl who was pretty cute in high school, whose family owned a funeral home, Holly Stobo. But I never made out with her. Missed opportunity.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It is funny. You said you get turned on by death. You've had a lot of it. But it's your parents who died.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Their funerals. You should have seen me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He goes, yeah. Then my father was stabbed outside of his strip. Oh, hello. Look at this guy. He's got a mind of his own, this little guy.

[Steve Rannazizi]

My parents weren't the only thing that was stiff.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Nice. Now, I don't think it's Louis.

[Steve Rannazizi]

No, I think this is Justin. The way Justin immediately jumped in, started voting. I said it was him. He started having a full fledged meltdown and making fun of me with, like, a retard voice.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Also pointing out it was a girl to throw us off. Pretty slick. Russell would have said I had a makeout sesh, dude. We'd all assume it's a girl. You know what it is, Justin. Hello. Heart over the eye.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I'm gonna also go with Justin Silver. It could be Tim, though.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tim.

[Big J Okerson]

What do you think?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Tim's a romantic.

[Big J Okerson]

Son of a. Justin.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tim.

[Big J Okerson]

Also, you guys all have crushes on me. You look at this, Justin.

[Steve Rannazizi]

This is a family show.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, sorry. YouTube.

[Tim Butterly]

Jesus, man.

[Big J Okerson]

Sorry.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Also, the way he wrote it. Look, his hand's shaking. What the is that? Dude, he wrote it, obviously.

[Justin Silver]

No, this could be a Lewis side.

[Big J Okerson]

I take. I take speed to, like, keep my weight where it is.

[Tim Butterly]

I thought it was a Louis side off, too, but this could be a Louis Zion.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It could. It could. Lewis has made out with a lot of girls in a lot of places, but I don't think I will make.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Out with any woman anywhere, anytime.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, he's not lying. I've seen him do it. But I will say, making the way to the funeral home with the casket. This doesn't seem like. I don't know, doesn't feel like Louis.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Justin Silver is my vote. Everyone votes for Justin, right?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Who'd you pick?

[Steve Rannazizi]

I mean, if it wasn't Justin, somebody just cleaned the fuck up on points.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, that might be Lewis.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Clean up, clean up, clean up. Isle Lewis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, Alex.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Steve Ranazizi.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Justin, why the didn't you tell us it wasn't you?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Justin, can you stop acting so weird when we call you out on it if it's not you?

[Tim Butterly]

So huge.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Jesus Christ. It seems like you did you know.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It wasn't you because I feel like you reacted like you thought it was in fact you.

[Big J Okerson]

That felt like a very Lewis thing to do to be. Oh, I mean, I'm surprised that you. I'm surprised that you all thought that that would be me.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I know. With Steve or Justin, you guys are both handsome.

[Big J Okerson]

Handsome.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I'll kiss a guy, I'll kiss a girl, anywhere. Type of energy.

[Tim Butterly]

Do you know that you're in like those heart rate monitors. I wish we could with the story came up, my heart rate went through the roof, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

I felt it.

[Tim Butterly]

I literally go, fuck, that's me. I gotta do this now. Like, you got once. It's your story.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's how I felt. Your thing, dude, her story was mine. That's how I felt right away. I'm like, no, no. Right?

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, yeah, go. I'm not ready.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Who's.

[Tim Butterly]

And thank God. Thank God. Jojo the circus idiot took over right away.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's like.

[Tim Butterly]

I go, oh, he's got it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You just got to lay back and watch.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, I did nothing.

[Steve Rannazizi]

If you put any pressure on Steve, Steve will fold mentally.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Starting to realize, I don't know if our contestants always fully understand when people vote for you. And it's not you. You don't get points for that.

[Big J Okerson]

Are you telling me this like, I don't know? You're looking right at me.

[Steve Rannazizi]

No, he knows I explained it to him.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I just feel like he took so much pride in everyone guessing it was him. And who did you vote for?

[Big J Okerson]

Louis.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Okay, Steve, talk to us about this.

[Tim Butterly]

No. So our family friends owned a funeral home, and so we hung out there and they lived there, so they had Friends over, we had parties and stuff and we would bring girls into the casket room.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you ever watch your bodies?

[Tim Butterly]

No, no, no. The casket room never had the bodies.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Did you guys only play monster mash at the party?

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, dude. So I can. I mean, it's pretty dark, but like a funeral home during the day when the lights are on, just looks like a regular place.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah, how?

[Tim Butterly]

You know, spread. Fucking delish. Nice meatballs. I mean, we didn't like lay in the caskets. We made out next to them. We would never lay in the casket. Someone asked me to lay.

[Big J Okerson]

No one.

[Tim Butterly]

I. I mean, we should have laid in the casket.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Why not?

[Tim Butterly]

Because I feel like someone's going to close the lid and lock it as a joke.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, it's a fear. I thought it was that you were worried about disrespecting the.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, well, not really. Yeah, I mean, we didn't fuck with the bodies. I never went into the body room.

[Steve Rannazizi]

If there was a. Was a hot dead chick, would you have fucked with the body? A little bit.

[Tim Butterly]

If someone told me, you'll never believe who we brought in today, she's so fucking hot, I would be like, that's. Let me see.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, of course.

[Big J Okerson]

Can I. Can I throw names at you?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Of course you would.

[Tim Butterly]

Okay. Yeah, go ahead.

[Big J Okerson]

Like a Catherine Zeta Jones. She dies now.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, I'm talking about like local celebrity.

[Big J Okerson]

Like any celebrity.

[Tim Butterly]

Any celebrity.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The girl from a Dairy Queen who got hit by a car.

[Tim Butterly]

Sydney Sweeney was dead. I'd snap that kid's neck to get over his body. They're so firm, just as it. But this is all.

[Steve Rannazizi]

If it was flow, the progressive lady, I would. What are you talking about?

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Any celebrity. I'm looking, dude, Any celebrity. Why not?

[Tim Butterly]

I always talk about local hot girls. Yeah, but no, no, I would never run into the body room. But the casket room was.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, I gotta be honest with you, Steve. The fact that you've just offer that up and no one asked, seems like you probably went to the body.

[Tim Butterly]

I swear to God.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Because. No, I didn't know.

[Tim Butterly]

Everybody wants to know.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I didn't know there was a body in there. You go, oh, I. I didn't go in the body room or anything. I certainly didn't touch a guy's dead wiener to see if it was hard.

[Tim Butterly]

It doesn't get hard. Allegedly.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No matter how much.

[Tim Butterly]

No matter how much. No matter how many times you blow on that thing, you never. The G was never coming out.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You could whisper a thousand sweet nothings in that gray ear.

[Tim Butterly]

Nothing like, man, your dick is big.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, you never saw a dead body.

[Tim Butterly]

Can't get it hard. One more time for me. Come on, bro.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Come on, daddy.

[Tim Butterly]

They won't do it. They won't do it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Damn. All right.

[Steve Rannazizi]

But that side of table looks so cool compared to us. It's bugging me.

[Tim Butterly]

I have. I have cool sunglasses too, but these are better because I could do this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'll do this.

[Big J Okerson]

Very top gun over here.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Boom.

[Justin Silver]

Justin's bottom gun.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, wait. I could do this too.

[Justin Silver]

I should have got more. Suck my dick.

[Tim Butterly]

It did.

[Justin Silver]

Oh, you guys, you had your chance.

[Big J Okerson]

The dude wants me, man. I know how you feel.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Alex, story number three.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wait. Oh, how many points did I. Sorry.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Points. I apologize. Jesus, you cleaned up. Nobody guessed you.

[Tim Butterly]

I know.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's a full run.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Give us our points.

[Alex]

On the scoreboard, with two points each, Luis J. Gomez, Big J. Okerson and Justin Silver. And in the lead with four points, Steve Ron is easy.

[Tim Butterly]

Let's go. You have not relinquish this lead.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Alex. Story number three.

[Alex]

Story number three. After my grandma died, my mother used her ID and credit card to buy a new camcorder.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, this. This is so definitely Lewis. I know in my heart of hearts.

[Tim Butterly]

I know some of them seem so obvious.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And the only other person that could be is Tim. Oh, it's Tim.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I mean, I. I will say this is Phil.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This is Philly garbage. Yeah.

[Steve Rannazizi]

My grandma was a prostitute and a drug dealer. She did not have credit cards.

[Big J Okerson]

Your grandma was.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah, they were both.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Would it be funny if your mother stole your grandmother's stolen cards and id? Wow.

[Justin Silver]

Also, I know prostitutes and drug dealers. They have credit cards, idiot.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Oh.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So Lewis is trying to deflect, you're saying?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah, now I think Tim's trying to deflect because you. You're on to him.

[Justin Silver]

It's Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm going Tim or Lewis on this. I don't know which one.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I just. I don't know Justin's grandma, but I know his mom and strike me as her move.

[Steve Rannazizi]

It's not. I don't know. That's the thing. I don't know. I don't know enough about Steve's family and how trashy they were.

[Tim Butterly]

It ain't me, dude. They're not doing back to back stories.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah, they do. Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, all right. Sorry. It could be me maybe.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Stupid ass.

[Tim Butterly]

Tell me.

[Big J Okerson]

My mother used to write that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That does make me think it's not him, though, the way he said that.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I don't think it's Jay. I'VE met his mom. It just doesn't seem like something she would do.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Also, my grandma died recently, so that would have to be some really up. Mom. Just ask me for a couple bucks. I'll help. Come over.

[Big J Okerson]

Look what we got.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'll buy you a camcorder, for Christ's sake.

[Tim Butterly]

Camcorder?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Who the. You have a camcorder in your pocket, you dumb Twitter. I said that to her. I said that to her after I did this.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm torn here.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Lewis Butterly, does your mom look like your grandmother?

[Justin Silver]

Yeah, she did a little bit. No. Yeah, I guess.

[Tim Butterly]

What?

[Justin Silver]

Well does that.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I'm assuming if she used her id.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

They're not gonna check the ID though.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This. Lewis's mom was hot garbage dude. She was a terrible.

[Justin Silver]

My grandmother also had the same name.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Like.

[Big J Okerson]

That's mean.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Don't say that about my mother. She's watching right now from hell.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, sorry. Sorry. Mama Gomez. No, Lewis's mom. She had some problems and so I feel like she would possibly do this to get a new camcorder to film Lewis, not play sports.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

In all fairness, I don't feel like this is like a. This is not like a very. Like. This is not like a shitty thing to like. I feel like any. A lot of people would do this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

Use the credit card of a dead person?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Is this just.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like this is not a big deal is. It's like your mom's credit. It's like her mom's credit card is.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Defensive of his own mother right now.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I'm just saying this doesn't seem like such a nefarious thing.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Everything seems like. Justin.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

It just doesn't seem like this seems.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Like a psychotic thing to do.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't think you talk yourself into being guilty every time I. I don't think it's a big deal.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I'm starting to think it's either. Justin. Now, she said.

[Big J Okerson]

She didn't say she stole the credit card. She used her credit.

[Tim Butterly]

I'll tell you why I think it's Tim. I think both of you trash. Right. Right.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Tim Butterly]

Therefore. But I think your family wanted a camcorder to capture some sort of crazy moments. I don't think your family gave a. I had about saving precious moments or time. Therefore the camcorder thing leads me to believe it's.

[Steve Rannazizi]

There was no camcorder in my family. There was. Yeah, I believe part of my grandma's life.

[Tim Butterly]

You guys didn't want any evidence of anything going on. Of anything. Right?

[Steve Rannazizi]

No. Yeah. I mean that maybe I believe it's Tim. I had. I had nothing in my life to be videotaped. I wasn't good at sports. I wasn't good in school plays. I wasn't good at anything.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Maybe that's not what she used it for.

[Steve Rannazizi]

She use it. Let me see this.

[Justin Silver]

I think it's Lois. I don't. I don't think any of you other guys come from this I know place.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't. I know Justin's mom. I never met Lewis's mom. And I know Tim and Lewis have horrific moms, but can I say this?

[Steve Rannazizi]

The reason Justin. The fact that Justin is defending this like he's defending his own mother is making.

[Justin Silver]

He's done it every time. He's done it every time.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah.

[Justin Silver]

He really goes crazy to almost have to ignore it.

[Steve Rannazizi]

He's like. He's like, what? That's not that bad of a thing. I mean, whatever. Stealing a dead person's credit card.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You wanted to.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Tim. Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I think it's. It's. If it's Justin, he's going to clean the up. I'm going. Justin Silver. It's got to be him.

[Justin Silver]

At one point wondering if Lewis fights back less when it is him.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We're about to find out.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Justin Silver, final answer.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll put money on this answer.

[Justin Silver]

I think Louis passive.

[Big J Okerson]

I think I have like $4 in my pocket. It's gonna be cash.

[Justin Silver]

Camcorder receipt.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll put. I'll put 20 bucks on that. Us. Okay, well, someone's got to take me up on it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'll say 20 bucks is not Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, cool.

[Tim Butterly]

I'll take that, too.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, you guitar.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Sorry.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex, give me my 20 bucks.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Louis J. Gomez.

[Steve Rannazizi]

That's how you made me feel bad.

[Luis J. Gomez]

When I said your mom's arranging piece of. You made me feel like maybe I crossed the line a little bit. I know we go there, but maybe this show's not the one you're. Here's the fun bag, Mom.

[Steve Rannazizi]

This is what a scumbag my mother was. You're not wrong that Steve. That I didn't have anything going on in my life to videotape. Yeah, she got a camcorder anyway. That's how trashy she was. There was no reason of a camcorder.

[Tim Butterly]

Did it ever come out of the box?

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's a looter's mentality. Well, it's there. I'll take it.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah, dude, she. My grandma. My grandma Jane died. And, you know, we were going to clean out her house. And she had a full dresser full of just like different painkillers and pills because she would sell drugs to people. It got. It's actually what got my mom hooked back on drugs.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, good.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Was her. It wasn't her. It wasn't the sadness of her mother's death. It was the accessibility to her mother's credit line collection.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you deserve a statue. The fact that you're not a serial killer. Killer, dude.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, no, you don't know that.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I. I kill young women and I.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Serial killers get away with it for a long time. It's not serial or he's the one. He's a one time murderer.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Oh, yeah. So, yeah, she. She got the credit card. It wasn't just a camcorder. She bought a bunch of like just dumb. We went to the Macy's and just.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Louis here, I got some RF cables, I got whatever, whatever Radio Shack would sell me.

[Steve Rannazizi]

And then my. Yeah, we had this camcorder in the house and we would fucking just, you know, film like pro wrestling promos. Me and my sister and. And then my sister. I remember when I was having sex with a girl I lost my virginity to. My sister snuck it in between the door and videotaped me and this girl having sex.

[Tim Butterly]

Where's that tape?

[Big J Okerson]

Where is.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Out there somewhere.

[Tim Butterly]

Skank Fest 2025.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You can find it on Pornhub. You can find it on PornHub. It's called Finished early.

[Justin Silver]

How old were you, by the way? Were you still a teenager?

[Steve Rannazizi]

I just turned 16.

[Justin Silver]

So she filmed child porn?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah, she filmed child porn.

[Big J Okerson]

It was a different time, though. That's cool.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was a different time.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm down with this whole story.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was a different time.

[Tim Butterly]

Sorry, Tim, that you're. I thought your trip family was trash, dude.

[Justin Silver]

I am.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, what are the scores look like?

[Alex]

All right, on the scoreboard, with two points each, Big J Okerson and Tim Butterly. And in the lead, a three way tie. Four points each for Louis J. Gomez, Justin Silver and Steve Ranazizi.

[Big J Okerson]

This production is so professional.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This game is getting intense. And make no mistake, that has a lot to do with today's prize.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

With biting wit, Carlin critiques social norms, organized religion and the absurdities of modern life. The book features Carlin's trademark blend of comedy and critique, offering readers a mix of humor, shock value and thought provoking insights into the flaws and hypocrisies of the world around us.

[Steve Rannazizi]

All right, let's take a quick moment and thank Turtle beach for supporting Today's show, we love Turtle Beach. Incredible hardware for games. If you guys like to play video games. They got everything. They got microphones, they have headphones. The Stealth 700 headphones are incredible. We used them for Legion of Skanks the other night.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You know what else they have?

[Steve Rannazizi]

What else do they have?

[Luis J. Gomez]

New Guitar Hero controllers.

[Steve Rannazizi]

No, they don't. Yeah, shut up.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Swear to God. Get out of town on my mother's ass.

[Steve Rannazizi]

By the way, everything we just said before, we were not excited about the headphones, not excited about the microphones. Guitar Hero controllers though. It's fucking on like Donkey Kong, baby boy. They don't have any Donkey Kong accessories, unfortunately.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Unfortunately, there is no donkey accessories to the best of my knowledge.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Genuinely great company though. They have incredible products. If you guys go and check out their entire line of products, you're going to find something that you love, whether you're a gamer or anything else. Like I said, we use them for the podcast, the Stealth 700 headphones, which have an 80 hour battery life by the way. Use them for gaming, use them for podcasting, use them for whatever you want. Usually when you're on these headphones, they sound like you're talking through a tin can, not the self 700s. Incredible microphone quality. So all you gotta do right now is go to turtlebeach.com and use the promo code WARS W A R Z. W A R Z for 10% off your entire order today. Once again, that is 10% off your [e-mail] with the promo code W A R Z. And after you purchase, they're going to ask you where you heard about them. Please remember to support the show and tell them that we send you get the ultimate immersive gaming experience with Turtle beach today. All right, where were we? Alex, Story number four.

[Alex]

Story number four. My first girlfriend always said she'd be dead before she was 30.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Holy.

[Alex]

She died a few days before her 30th birthday.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That is dark. Well, that's what she wanted.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah. And honestly, she died when she was still hot, so good for her.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Drew that. Forever young, this girl and Jim Morrison.

[Justin Silver]

It's the first one Justin hasn't jumped on.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Hmm. Does Justin have a dead girlfriend?

[Steve Rannazizi]

I believe that Justin was into like drugs when he was younger. Justin's also like 60 years old, so this was what?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Also, when you call a guy gay a lot and he has to prove he's not, it's easy to say I fucked a girl, but she's dead now.

[Steve Rannazizi]

What? My girlfriend, she goes to a different.

[Big J Okerson]

Dad, you don't know her. She lives in Canada.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, she goes to Canadian heaven.

[Tim Butterly]

This one's so sad.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah, I mean, so Tim and his wife have been together since he was a young, young man. So I don't. I know. It's on him.

[Justin Silver]

Well, it's just his first girlfriend. It doesn't say Justin. It was just together.

[Steve Rannazizi]

It's a great point.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Justin did a lot of Jewish events when he was younger. And I could see a young Jewish girl saying that she's going to be dead before with these allergies.

[Big J Okerson]

I've never dated a Jewish girl. You know that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

I've never dated a Jewish girl.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, not since the one died. You can't go back. The star itself just sends you in the tears.

[Big J Okerson]

Who did you meet when we were.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Look at him. Trying to push it away.

[Big J Okerson]

Who did you meet when we were in. Who'd you meet when we were in Portland?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Who, me?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

Portland. You met my first girlfriend, Lucy, in Oregon.

[Steve Rannazizi]

That's not her name. That's what she was mean.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, I did meet your first. Was that your first girlfriend? I thought you met her in a halfway house.

[Big J Okerson]

Boarding school.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Boarding school. So I was 14.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, my God.

[Big J Okerson]

To 17.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wait, how do they board you in a place with chicks?

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, that sounds awesome.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, you couldn't date until like, afterwards.

[Tim Butterly]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

You had to, like, sneak out and do. I went to, like, really fucked up a really fun.

[Tim Butterly]

That's great.

[Big J Okerson]

You ever seen a documentary?

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, I've seen documentaries.

[Big J Okerson]

One.

[Tim Butterly]

Program.

[Big J Okerson]

Documentary of the program. I went to that board.

[Tim Butterly]

Really?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

That crazy insane asylum.

[Tim Butterly]

The program.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I went to that. Holy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I like getting the first girlfriend says she died before 30. You're like, why do you think that? She goes, because I currently have AIDS. And then she made it last for 15 more years.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah, I mean, this. This one's kind of screaming Justin too, but they all are to me for some reason. I could see every one of these stories being Justin Silver series also, by.

[Big J Okerson]

The way, I picked for every single one. Maybe not intentionally.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I'm going the J Dog.

[Justin Silver]

Can we explore Jay a little bit, please?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Big Jay?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Justin Silver]

I mean, this.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I know. I know.

[Justin Silver]

This could be anybody.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I know his first girl. I don't know his first girlfriend, but I would know if she died. I don't know why I'm trying to help you guys out, but I. Jay's first girlfriend, that was at Blanche. She was. Was she officially her first girlfriend, though?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, like, yes, that I was like. And everything sure, yeah. Cheryl. She's alive.

[Big J Okerson]

Was she the one with the tape?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

Everyone say your first girlfriend's name.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Cheryl Carolyn Janine McIntyre.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Cheryl.

[Tim Butterly]

Tim.

[Justin Silver]

Michelle.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Cheryl made me an audio masturbation tape with a thick Philly accent.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh.

[Luis J. Gomez]

One of my bits when I first started comedy was just telling everyone what she said on the thing.

[Tim Butterly]

Wait, it was like a jerk off video instruction video.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, no, no, it was. What?

[Tim Butterly]

Wait, what did you say?

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, it was her. It was her masturbating, but she made an audio tape of it, which is.

[Tim Butterly]

Yes, you listen to it in the car.

[Steve Rannazizi]

She's the same thing that Macaulay Culkin had in Home Alone too.

[Luis J. Gomez]

At the end of it, her. One of their final lines. And I mean this.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Not sexy. She knew how to be. She went. She goes, I'm still.

[Justin Silver]

Please turn to side B. Oh, yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She goes, I'm still.

[Steve Rannazizi]

She.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She came. At least she made that audible.

[Steve Rannazizi]

And then, well, you weren't there, so she was.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's true. She goes. And when she was done, she goes, I'm still playing with it. And my. Doesn't even smell. What a great. Yeah, the best.

[Tim Butterly]

Classy lady.

[Steve Rannazizi]

She was like. She was like, oh, Jay, I'm gonna cumber. And she put a B in cum.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, she had. She had beaver teeth. So she goes, oh, comeba, cumber. And then she goes. She goes. That was a good orgasm.

[Justin Silver]

Black Preacher.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She was cute, though. Cute though.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Oh, man.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm going, Steve or Tim? Just because I know this isn't Jay. And I pick Louis for every single.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah, first girlfriend is a great point. It could. It could just be. It could be Tim. Could be Steve again.

[Justin Silver]

Steve's first story caught us off guard, and it also didn't seem like it would be him.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Can I tell you right now that the sunglasses are making it difficult to reach? Good.

[Tim Butterly]

I mean, it's not good for, you know, YouTube. You can't see our faces.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I also just.

[Justin Silver]

I also just folded my contact into my eye somewhere and I'm. I'm in pain right now, man.

[Tim Butterly]

Really?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Are you in pain? Are you trying to cry remembering the story about your sad girlfriend? I think your first girlfriend. I think your first girlfriend's your wife. Am I wrong?

[Justin Silver]

No, you're. I mean, not far off, but. No, definitely not. But also, like, what. All right, what's a. What's a 14 year old telling you when she says I'm gonna be dead before I'm 30?

[Tim Butterly]

I know.

[Justin Silver]

Saying I'm cool. Or is it like, it's it's not working out.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah. Why'd you say 14?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, let me tell you something.

[Justin Silver]

Oh, I guess.

[Tim Butterly]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

I can't change this.

[Tim Butterly]

You said a 14 year old tells you.

[Justin Silver]

I've heard the number a couple of times.

[Tim Butterly]

Did everyone hear him say, 14 year old tells you.

[Big J Okerson]

I would change it if I could. I apologize.

[Justin Silver]

I gotta waste your vote on me.

[Tim Butterly]

Come on.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Justin's first girlfriend's name is Lucy.

[Tim Butterly]

Lucy Bonito.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She's alive and she's, I'm guessing, heavier than she was.

[Justin Silver]

Call her right now. Actually, no, she.

[Big J Okerson]

You met her. She's not heavy. Lucy is not heavy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Why are we. Why would you. Make it real? She is heavy. I don't remember meeting her. I just take your word for it.

[Steve Rannazizi]

God damn it. I'm having a really hard time with this one.

[Tim Butterly]

Who do you think it is?

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're having a hard time? Tim's losing an eye.

[Justin Silver]

Yeah. Ignore me, please. It could be Steve. I think it could be Steve.

[Tim Butterly]

It could be me.

[Justin Silver]

Let's put a little pressure on him, see what happens. Steve.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah?

[Justin Silver]

What was your second girlfriend's name?

[Tim Butterly]

Hold on. Second one? Oh, Jessamine.

[Justin Silver]

And she's alive.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What?

[Justin Silver]

She's all.

[Tim Butterly]

I think so, yeah.

[Steve Rannazizi]

He's making words up.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, I swear to God.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Was that.

[Tim Butterly]

That was her name. Jessamine Walker.

[Steve Rannazizi]

She's like.

[Tim Butterly]

I know she sounds black, but she wasn't really.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I thought it was a black woman who worked at the movie theater.

[Tim Butterly]

She married a black guy.

[Steve Rannazizi]

What was your second girlfriend?

[Luis J. Gomez]

His name also Jessamine.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Velociraptor.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Think of something.

[Tim Butterly]

Praying Mantis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm telling you, her name was Light Projector.

[Tim Butterly]

Devil, Question Mark, Speak Speaker.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Microphone.

[Steve Rannazizi]

It's like Big J Okerson. Fuck.

[Tim Butterly]

Her name's Books and Stuff.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Steve. So when Steve doesn't have a glass on, you can see, usually his, like, his eyes start fucking twitching and his face turns bright red.

[Tim Butterly]

Well, I'll tell you this, by the way. Little side story. So confident, your fans bullied me so hard that I went to the dermatologist and I found that I have Rosacea. Well, I'm glad they did.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Ironically, Rosacea was my second girlfriend's name.

[Tim Butterly]

Nicely done, dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Rosacea Lewis. She died at 29.

[Tim Butterly]

Rosacea rannazizi.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Rosacea Perez.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You know, Steve, there's.

[Tim Butterly]

Thank you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

There's a laser treatment for that.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, really? I'm on creams right now. Okay, I'll start there.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Fuck me, dude. Who'd you vote for, Jay? Justin.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Justin. I drew it.

[Big J Okerson]

You did? That's awesome.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Why don't you, Jay? Let me ask you a question. Why don't you believe that his first girlfriend was this person named Lucy that he's saying you met?

[Big J Okerson]

I'm upset that you don't remember meeting her.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That might not be his first girlfriend ever. I met a girl that he said something happened with once a long time ago. I don't see any proof of that. I've seen him do more things with guys.

[Big J Okerson]

You don't appreciate the quality time we spend together, huh? You don't appreciate the quality. You don't take time.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We're together in the way of what could happen.

[Steve Rannazizi]

All right, I. Here's the thing. Justin was like a party animal. Would be dating some pig that would die of a drug overdose or something.

[Big J Okerson]

I've never dated a pig.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tim is the only one who's not at an age, I don't think. How old are you, Tim?

[Justin Silver]

39 years old.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, maybe he is. I was gonna say there was no goth, but there was goth when he was younger for sure.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I'm not imagining a goth. I'm imagining like a druggie.

[Justin Silver]

I got like a dad who would moles.

[Tim Butterly]

Can we guess right now how they got. How they died? I also like to put my name and guess how they died.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm hit by a car. I am certain and hoping of suicide.

[Justin Silver]

Forklift accident.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Probably suicide or drug overdose.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Long Covid.

[Big J Okerson]

The first one.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I'm putting my answer in final answer. Justin Silver.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tim, your eye back?

[Justin Silver]

I think I'm going to go with Justin. I'm sorry, I can't. I can't think of anyone else that kind of girl. I bet you they made a pact.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Ah, shit. I don't think it's Justin now, but everybody's in. God damn it, Alex.

[Alex]

Well, that's okay, Jay, because it is Justin Silver.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What?

[Steve Rannazizi]

I knew it.

[Justin Silver]

Yeah, I bet you put. You put a pill on a fingertip and like shushed it into her mouth and she said, I'm gonna be dead, but I'm 30.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a really slow time release fucking.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You just. You tried to manipulate your pothead friend into a false memory that never happened. Well, that's fucked up.

[Big J Okerson]

You did meet Lucy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, you sucker. You know, I worry about my memory.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Justin, did you party monster this girl to death? What happened?

[Big J Okerson]

No, I was like, no, this is way before I did any drugs. This. She had. She had diabetes and she would never take her insulin.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That is funny. That is funny.

[Big J Okerson]

She would never take her insulin. And I was just like, Carrie, you're gonna. She's like, it doesn't matter. I'm gonna be dead before I'm 30 anyway.

[Steve Rannazizi]

You're at least gonna lose a foot.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jesus.

[Big J Okerson]

Before her 30th birthday, she died.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She's like, anyway.

[Big J Okerson]

For that reason.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Anyway, I'm blind.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Well, she didn't die of diabetes. She lost a foot and fell downstairs.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Is that what happened?

[Tim Butterly]

Or.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Peg leg gave out.

[Big J Okerson]

She died.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They're doing great things with peg legs these days. She couldn't have lived.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She just didn't give a. Oh, and did you go to the funeral?

[Justin Silver]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

This is like, no.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Steve's making out with the girl in the casket.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah. I'm like, move out of the way.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wrong casket, wrong room. Holy.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, man.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Where are our points at, Alex?

[Luis J. Gomez]

At the halfway mark.

[Alex]

Okay. At the halfway mark with four points each, Big J Okerson, Tim Butterly, and Steve Ranazizi.

[Luis J. Gomez]

On the board.

[Alex]

On the board with five points, Justin Silver.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Alex]

And in the lead with six points, Luis J. Gomez.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tight. This is tight. It's a tight one. Very, very tight game. We've reached the halfway point of the game. Let's do some plugs. Mr. Rennese, tell people what's going on.

[Tim Butterly]

I'll be at hilarities in Cleveland next weekend, so get tickets. Steve Rennes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Do you know the hotel you're staying?

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, the one across the street.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's the Daily Planet.

[Tim Butterly]

That's what I thought I saw in them in the Superman. The trailer for Superman.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yep.

[Tim Butterly]

It's a cool hotel. Pretty neat. And then the week after, Greensboro, North Carolina, at the comedy zone.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That place sucks shit.

[Tim Butterly]

Does it really?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, the Superman thing's great. That place is borderline nightmare.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, great.

[Big J Okerson]

There's a great funeral home in the mall.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, perfect.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'll tell you what.

[Big J Okerson]

You can finger it.

[Tim Butterly]

Steverenzies.com for tickets. Thank you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Just down.

[Big J Okerson]

Follow me on all social media at. I am Justin silver and it's iamjustinsilver.com for show dates and YouTube and all that kind of fun stuff.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Hell yeah. Tim Butterly.

[Justin Silver]

I'll be. I'll be hitting four towns in Ontario the beginning of April, and I'll be in south bend, Indiana, the second week in April. Go to TimButterly.com get tickets. Come chill.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We'll.

[Justin Silver]

We can smoke weed out front. I would appreciate it.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Thank you. That's hilarious. I literally have the exact same credits that I'm about to list. We need to fire our managers.

[Justin Silver]

That's singular.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Big J. Bigjay comedy.com for all my dates or punch up live bigjokerson this weekend. Wait, this is coming out this week? It is, right?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Monday.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Monday. Never mind. I'm gonna be. We're gonna be doing Story wars at Nashville Comedy Festival. Four nights. Get tickets now that is gonna sell out. It' so fucking let's fill that thing up and, and have some great fucking shows. We're doing Comedy Mothership also next week which is very, very exciting. So if you got tickets to that, we can't wait to fucking see you there. I'm all over the road. Big J Okerson's Peter North American tour coming on a city near you. If you know, you know, check it out right now for and buy tickets soon please. And let's sell some of these up before I get there for a change. Also, first half of my double crowd work special, they or them? They is out right now. Them almost at a million views. Please. We're right there. Let's get to a million views. And then the second part comes out. 4:20. So I look forward to bringing that out to you guys too. They're very fun to do, so I'm excited to bring them out. Make sure you listen to the bonfire five days a week faction talk series XM103 with me and the great Robert Kelly. And of course right here, the legendary Legion of Skanks, the flagship show of the Gas Digital Network.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah, come see me next weekend in Canada. I'm doing a little tour of Ontario. St. Catherine's London, Windsor and Burlington, Ontario. Philadelphia the week after that for my birthday weekend obviously Zany's Nashville for the the Podcast Story Awards and some other stand up shows. North Charleston, South Carolina's coming up. San Diego's coming up. That's all coming up in April. Get your Skank fest tickets on May 2nd. May 2nd Skank Fest tickets go on sale. It's gonna sell out faster than we've ever sold out before. Lineup is coming out in mid April and make sure you also get tickets for my next special. I'm filming July 12, four months from now in Tampa, Florida. Side splitter is going to be a goddamn blast. Robert Kelly's directing. Gonna be a really great time. And if you guys love this show, you should know we do an uncensored ad free version with pre release just for subscribers to the Gas Digital Network. And there's a bunch of shows that are in the archives that aren't even on YouTube or anywhere else now at this point. So go to gas digital.com subscribe by using the promo code WAR and save on the membership you're an ophthalmologist here.

[Big J Okerson]

He's losing his eye.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tim's got his sight back.

[Big J Okerson]

Holy.

[Tim Butterly]

We're also playing for Tim's eye tonight.

[Big J Okerson]

There was three people's credits that was going on through.

[Steve Rannazizi]

That's how Justin's three credits. That's how Justin's first girlfriend felt right before she died. She was like.

[Tim Butterly]

Fucking diabetes eye. You got diabetes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Now, the second half of the game is where we kick things in the high gear because we changed the game around that. Now, for every point you get now is double points. What?

[Tim Butterly]

Double points?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Before, if you guessed the right person, you got two points, and every person you fooled, you got one point. But now that comes out to double point.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Can I also point out that we, me and Jay, we've made an executive decision.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We have meetings.

[Steve Rannazizi]

We did. We had a meeting about this. We decided. So for a while now, if you became a story warrior, which, like Tim is, we. We gave you the privilege. Not only did you win the book, but we gave you the privilege to say double points.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Edit that. Well, we're about to announce it, you cocksuckers. You know, we're about to announce this. We're taking away. You're gonna take away double points.

[Justin Silver]

Now, hold on. Listen. I don't know how many repeat winners you've had on the show, but I. I earned my W fair and square.

[Big J Okerson]

You earned what?

[Justin Silver]

I've been waiting to come back on here, and it's insane to me that you would even think about taking away my ability to say double points.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Thank you, Roots. Oh, yeah, the roots are off camera.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, I gotta win.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I.

[Steve Rannazizi]

We made a decision that people were abusing their privileges.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can I. Can I over explain a little bit, please? Let me over explain, please. Double points is sort of my baby. Lewis. Lewis essentially figured out, like, brought the concept of the game. We ironed it out together. But, I mean, the game's concept is definitely Louis. That's on record now, but couple points. Thank you, Roots. The.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Well, for the audio listeners out there, we, the Roots play Story Wars.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They're off camera, though. We can't afford them. They're more on camera.

[Steve Rannazizi]

It's a favor, honestly. They do it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Thank you. I shut up, Black thought in the quest love with your apple bottom ass. So quest love's literally built like Roger the alien from American Dad. That just hit me. I. So the fanfare of that is my baby. And I'd like to. I fight tooth and nail weekly to grow that fanfare into bigger and better things to Which Louis and the crew have secret meetings to tell me this is a terrible idea.

[Steve Rannazizi]

No, we never. We never said it was a terrible idea.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You hate the idea. You hate the idea. And you said you wish that I was not in part of being part of the show.

[Steve Rannazizi]

That is not true.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You said. You've said meetings.

[Steve Rannazizi]

We all. We all hate. We all hated the double point skim.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Louis. The double point skip was comedy gold. Comedy gold. You poo pooed it publicly and it got shut down.

[Steve Rannazizi]

The team voted. We didn't like the double point skin.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Now, I had a conversation with you on the phone, Mike, and you, Alex, separately, who both stated how much you really enjoyed the idea of the double points.

[Steve Rannazizi]

That is because they are afraid of you because you're an intimidating asshole.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Whoa. I'm the person who's intimidating. Of the two of us, I'm the one who causes you intimidation problems, I believe.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Alex. Alex, your job's on the line. Who intimidates you more?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I believe in a work meeting, Lewis has threatened to rape not just Alex, but also G. Mike.

[Steve Rannazizi]

That's right. And I would rape them for double points.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Point being?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Double points being. What we're trying to do right now is we're trying to show you that it can be overused and it can be abused. And this is what a lot of the guests have done right now.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm feeling it, like, right now.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Justin Silver]

I keep waiting for an opportunity to abuse it, but you guys are doing just fine.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah. But we have taken that away from you. Now the responsibility lies all in the hands of the story warriors, the original, the OGs.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah. And by the way, I give Jay 90 DP privilege. Once in a blue, I'll throw it out, but that'll be that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Thanks. I call.

[Steve Rannazizi]

The way I haven't pulled it back.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I call you is airtight. Yeah. If we're calling dp, I'm going to go butthole.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Come on, dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, I don't trust you.

[Steve Rannazizi]

It's a family show.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think if a guy goes in your butt, you're going to bite down. So I'm going to my butt.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Oh, I get what you're saying.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah. The guy double penetration. Yeah. Because one would be your mouth.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah, Yeah. I was imagining two directly in my ass.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So look forward. Look forward. After many, many meetings and many, many wars, I will bring you more and more fanfare to the DP situation. But for now, all that responsibility lies with me and Lewis when it's time to say double points.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Alex, story number five.

[Alex]

Story Number five. My best friend from senior year of high school ended up murdering his baby mama during a custody exchange.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Kensington, Philadelphia strikes again.

[Big J Okerson]

Baby mama.

[Steve Rannazizi]

That does sound like some Tim Butterly trash.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It is also. Can I say this because it's. It's also wild. A murder can also is very Long Island. You definitely. There's people in your high school who died from drugs. A. A weird gun. The dad's gun murder.

[Tim Butterly]

Yep.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

It was definitely me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Long. Yeah. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm going with vernacular here. And I feel like baby mom is something you would say.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, I would definitely say baby mom. I had a lot of baby mamas.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And did your dad start straightening this up? After Joey Buttafuko's wife got shot, everyone.

[Tim Butterly]

Was fucking on tilt. After Joey Buttafuoco shot up that bitch Amy Fisher, the whole. The whole island was upset. I know all the baby mamas were.

[Justin Silver]

Cool guys from Long island ever. And everyone. All the teenagers wanted to be like him.

[Tim Butterly]

We all wanted baby mamas.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This convert. First of all, Steve's being very soft spoken defending himself.

[Tim Butterly]

Yep.

[Steve Rannazizi]

He's getting a little red in the cheeks right now.

[Big J Okerson]

I think he's rosacea's acting up.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think his rosacea is rosacea.

[Tim Butterly]

Disgusting.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's solar flaring.

[Justin Silver]

I've never been able to see someone's blood pressure before.

[Tim Butterly]

No, dude, I'm doing great.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Steve. Don't feel bad. Let's go get. I'm. Get the laser. I'm going to do the laser, dog.

[Steve Rannazizi]

We're going to be so.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I love you so we're going to be so.

[Tim Butterly]

Don't spell it like that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Ran.

[Big J Okerson]

Azush. That's what it's phonetically.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That is running.

[Tim Butterly]

It's disrespectful for you guys to vote before everyone else is.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I really can't. Everybody. That. That was. But now, Steve, what plays game with you a lot. What you just started to do right there is very Steve Rennes easy right there.

[Tim Butterly]

I'm telling you right now, you guys are barking up the wrong tree here. You're going to lose points.

[Justin Silver]

You're knocking on doors you don't want to open.

[Tim Butterly]

You are fucking with baby mamas you do not want to fuck with guys.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Don't just. You're throwing the votes.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah.

[Steve Rannazizi]

You're throwing away.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I know. But this one I convinced myself and I convinced these two with that wonderful Long island shit. But one of these two. That's why I'm not putting it in yet. One of these two could be jumping on my great explanation to pull away from Themselves.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Butterly or Steve.

[Tim Butterly]

Very obviously it's definitely not me. Dude.

[Justin Silver]

You got him.

[Tim Butterly]

I tell you, bro.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tell him.

[Big J Okerson]

You swear to God. Tell him how you.

[Tim Butterly]

I swear to God.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Swear to God.

[Tim Butterly]

I'm telling you right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Tell me. Swear to God.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'll do anything.

[Big J Okerson]

Swear on your mama.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Watch. On my mother. Look what he did.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Swear on your baby mama.

[Tim Butterly]

On all my baby mamas. Yeah, I'm tell. Dude, I wouldn't even know where you do a custody exchange. You're crumbling at the police office.

[Justin Silver]

Tell them.

[Big J Okerson]

You promise it's not you.

[Tim Butterly]

I'm telling you right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're throwing away your game.

[Tim Butterly]

But I love it. I'm. Because I'm gonna get the right person and I'm the only one that's gonna get points.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Stop defending and tell me who you think it might be.

[Tim Butterly]

I think it's Butterly. I. I voted for him the last four times. Did he give a story in. I mean, hello.

[Big J Okerson]

No one's died.

[Tim Butterly]

You want to know why Butterly won? Because he never had has a story to worry about. They don't like, sweat out these moments.

[Justin Silver]

They hate my stories and it's not my fault.

[Tim Butterly]

Dude, I thought you were like, oh, the girl that killed herself. Butterly. Shitty family. Butterly. When are you gonna be the guy?

[Luis J. Gomez]

My father stealing the id not being Butterly still is with my head. But I gotta tell you, this sounds very. Huh. Me. You would. You would know about this. Oh, dude, my best friend murdered his baby's mother. We would have never had this in our pillow talk.

[Tim Butterly]

I wish this was me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Me. It is you. It could be Tim.

[Justin Silver]

That's how not me it is.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This could be.

[Tim Butterly]

Love it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tim's being pretty quiet. And Tim also is just from a place where people murder their baby's mothers.

[Justin Silver]

Like my people.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Huh?

[Justin Silver]

Not like my people.

[Steve Rannazizi]

You know, Tim. Tim, you went. You went. Did you go to a ghetto high school?

[Justin Silver]

No, I went to a magnet school.

[Luis J. Gomez]

In high school he gets into a nerd academy, but he had to come back home to where they call it Zombieland. They're just bent over. It's.

[Steve Rannazizi]

What. Wait, what's a magnet school?

[Big J Okerson]

That's my question.

[Justin Silver]

You have to like, test into it and like, do a good job on the test, I guess.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's a school that houses kids who's. How do you say? This night. The parents are pieces of. But their kid somehow has some kind of. Yeah. The two made a genius.

[Big J Okerson]

Ugly people make like a hot baby.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He was taking apart computers, but then he had to come home to literally zombies in the street falling over this.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I mean, if you went to. If you went to a very good school, I mean, typically.

[Justin Silver]

Well, the cool thing about going to the school was that I got to make friends outside the neighbors.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That is true. So senior year, he was in a nerd academy.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I was.

[Justin Silver]

I was the baby mama killer guy amongst those people.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. No one got anybody pregnant in that school.

[Justin Silver]

Well, I wouldn't go that far.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No. I don't.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I don't take this as. This happened in high school. This happened years later as best friend from high school.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Correct. Did it? Correct. Yeah. And. And a genius can do something crazy like this.

[Steve Rannazizi]

You know what? I gotta. I'm gonna go with my instincts, which I'm gonna say Steve is acting a little weird.

[Tim Butterly]

He's not gonna ask me if he changed it, would I give him money.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll change it. I've already won 20 bucks, so can you do that?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

Give me 20 bucks, I'll change it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm locking in.

[Tim Butterly]

No, I'm not giving you money.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Steve Ren is easy. God damn it. This could be Butter.

[Big J Okerson]

Bought your way out of this, man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Butterly is going to dominate right now. If it's him.

[Justin Silver]

Wait, do you get points if it is you and they guess it wrong?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, the most points.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Wait, what the hell? Butterly just got excited visibly, but I was trying to hold back a smile right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He really is. He thought you voted already.

[Big J Okerson]

No eyes falling out of his.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I did tell. He's only got one eye.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Damn it. Now I think it's Butterly. Butterly, defend this. Is this you?

[Justin Silver]

No.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, never mind. It's Steve. You're fine.

[Steve Rannazizi]

God damn it. I believe him. That was great, Steve. Ran is easy spelled correctly.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Whoa.

[Tim Butterly]

You did. That's.

[Big J Okerson]

That's nuts.

[Tim Butterly]

I want to kiss you for that, Lewis. Thank you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I know. I spell it. R, I, double S, I, double S, I, double P, I. Yeah.

[Steve Rannazizi]

S, T, E, V, E.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, come on. Come on.

[Tim Butterly]

No.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Come on. Alex.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Tim Butterworth.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Tim. You lied to my face.

[Luis J. Gomez]

How do you lie to a friend like that?

[Steve Rannazizi]

I looked you right in the eye and I said, Tim, was that you? You said, no, no.

[Tim Butterly]

He did a good job.

[Big J Okerson]

He lied, man. Someone just fart.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tim, you give the actor.

[Justin Silver]

What can I say, man? Netflix. Ever hear of it?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tell us the story.

[Justin Silver]

Oh, yeah.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

[Justin Silver]

It is my story. Yeah, the. The dude that I kicked it with every day of senior year of high school and like, the following months, white guy White guy.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah.

[Justin Silver]

And he kind of.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Why was the question mark on guy?

[Justin Silver]

What was the girl you get kind of racially ambiguous, but yeah, he was like a swarthy white guy and I.

[Big J Okerson]

Know what that's like.

[Justin Silver]

He was one of those dudes that like disappeared after like getting a serious girlfriend. And I like never saw him again. And in that time, he like married this girl, had a kid, started a family, got divorced.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, look, you can make it work still.

[Justin Silver]

Yeah, you can co parent and so they, I think they, they, they.

[Tim Butterly]

He.

[Justin Silver]

She beat the out of him in family court.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Okay. But they, but they chose to work together as a youth in. As a family.

[Justin Silver]

I mean, the judge like dictated exactly.

[Steve Rannazizi]

How the judge just judged him. He was like, you're a.

[Justin Silver]

What the go.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Sir, if you're ever going to want to see your kids again, you're going to have to kill this in cold blood.

[Justin Silver]

Before, before I cap off the story, this guy, the whole time I knew him, I just thought this was like a quiet like guy who just like, you know, maybe had seen some stuff.

[Big J Okerson]

Always those man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The exact. Yeah, the exact description of a murder.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Justin Silver]

No, but like I thought it was.

[Steve Rannazizi]

A quiet guy that would clean his guns.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, he named them all girl names.

[Justin Silver]

It wasn't like a, like a, like a. I don't know, like a rumbling under the surface quiet. I just thought there, there wasn't much going on with him.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Gotcha.

[Justin Silver]

And so he disappears with his lady, they start a family, she, him up in family court. They struggle with the co parenting thing. And then one night he shows up to the custody exchange at Wawa.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Nice. Wawa. This is so filling place to do it.

[Justin Silver]

Shows up at Wawa without the kid, but with.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You can have him fill up your car while you order a sandwich, go to the bathroom and kill your ex.

[Justin Silver]

I can't stand people who leave their car at the pump while they do their customer. He goes in with the AR15. She's just like standing there to buy a presentation.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jesus. To kill.

[Justin Silver]

One person walks into the store.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, Rambo.

[Tim Butterly]

How fat was she.

[Luis J. Gomez]

In half?

[Steve Rannazizi]

I don't know.

[Justin Silver]

I followed the case. I don't. I don't know where he shot her.

[Big J Okerson]

You look like such a cop right.

[Tim Butterly]

Now while you're saying that, by the way. Tabs on him.

[Justin Silver]

And he lit her up and he went on a police chase. He. He had a bottle of like, you know, like Zoloft or something. He tried to overdose while driving away the cops.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What on overdose on calm pills.

[Justin Silver]

I don't know.

[Steve Rannazizi]

He also. He has an AR15 in his hands. Shoot yourself, idiot.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What's he gonna pull? Trigger his toe. It's a machine gun. To kill one lady. God damn, dude, bring a knife.

[Justin Silver]

Yeah, so whatever. Anyway, whatever he takes, he. He passes out, but he doesn't overdose and die. And they find him 15 minutes away in his car, sleeping in a parking lot. Now he's in prison, I guess forever.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, that's the come down. Yeah, I mean, yeah, he's sugar crashing.

[Justin Silver]

They don't keep him. They let people out like that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's called the murder crash. About 50 kill the whole store.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

He only killed the one person he was supposed to kill or wanted to kill.

[Big J Okerson]

What happened to the kid, I mean.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, probably well adjusted, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Lewis is doing.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah, right.

[Justin Silver]

I think he's being taken care of by like all the people's lives are destroyed by.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Good, good. I bet he's got a real thing about Wawa.

[Tim Butterly]

I bet she's got some good.

[Justin Silver]

That sucks, man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He goes, oh, dude, you want to grab a tuna shorty before we go home?

[Justin Silver]

I'm good.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, that place sucks.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Even if your mom.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The apple fritters though, it all sucks.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Even if your mom was shot at a Wawa, you can still get past it for a turkey gobbler. Let's get real.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait, Tim, when was time of season?

[Justin Silver]

For sure, this only happened like four, three or four years ago.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Nice.

[Tim Butterly]

After Covid.

[Luis J. Gomez]

After.

[Justin Silver]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

That is such a specific way to look at time.

[Tim Butterly]

I look at time after Covid, people.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Was still living a long term nightmare. Good, good.

[Justin Silver]

Oh, okay, I'll say this. I didn't. I never saw this coming from this dude. But there was one flash where I thought maybe this guy is capable of something weird. And it was. He got into a fight with like a girlfriend's ex boyfriend. Like in the middle of the street. All the dudes are standing around and they square up, right? And so they end up on the ground. And instead of like kicking him or like, you know, punching him, getting shot.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Him with an AR15 story's making me wet.

[Justin Silver]

He grabbed him by the hair and slammed his head into the ground over and over again. And everybody in the circle was just.

[Big J Okerson]

Like, all right, man, what's his name?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Also in his senior picture, he was wearing that Chris Benoit across face crippler T shirt, which a lot of people said was. Was one of the first signs.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Alex, where our points at?

[Alex]

All right on the scoreboard. Yes, with four points. Big J Okerson. They're Failing us with five points. Justin Silver with six points. Lewis J. Gomez with eight points. Steve Ran is easy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wow, he's in there.

[Alex]

And in the lead with 10 points. Tim Butterly.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Just really quick.

[Justin Silver]

I'd like. I'd like to thank Allah for double points.

[Tim Butterly]

What the.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's over.

[Big J Okerson]

We did the whole.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But I'll tell you what, that switch, that heavy shift in the game is due to double points. Thank you, Black thought and the boys.

[Alex]

What's up story wars listeners. Big J Okerson and Lewis J. Gomez here with a game changing brand that's all about comfort, comfort, style and serious relaxation. Chubbies.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Listen, I've been rocking Chubby shorts lately and they're a straight up revelation. Soft, breathable fabric. Whether I'm lounging at home or out with the guys, it's like they were made for me. I'm never going back to regular shorts, dude.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Same here. I love that Chubby's got the perfect mix of style and comfort. Whether I'm running errands or just chilling on the weekends, I feel good. These things are built for movement. No more awkward tightness. Plus they look great. So I'm rocking this fresh style without even trying. We just got back from Jamaica. I was living in my chubbies the entire time. The swim trunks, the classic shorts, all great.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And don't even get me started on the freedom you get with Chubbies. They're not just shorts, they're your new best friend. Every pair is designed for all day comfort, no matter how long you're on your feet. Feet who are lounging at the pool.

[Alex]

So if you're ready to ditch the old stiff shorts and upgrade to something that's as comfy as it is stylish, head over to Chubby's. Trust us, you'll thank us later.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Chubby's man. Feel good. Look good.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Head to Chubbies.com. that's C-U-B-B-I-E-S.com and use the promo code wars when you check out for 10 off your entire order. Once again, it is chubbies.com. use that promo code wars. W A R Z Z for 10 off. All right, where were we? Alex? Story number six.

[Alex]

Story number six. I was on mushrooms when my significant other told me that her grandfather suddenly died.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tim loves mushrooms. Justin did a lot of drug. Mushrooms. He was younger.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not like such a drug addict like you guys make me. Like, what the.

[Tim Butterly]

What drugs did you do?

[Big J Okerson]

I've done every drug. But that's not the point.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Justin, you're a Gay drug addict.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not a drug addict. I. I go. Go dance on the fucking weekends while my comedy career. You know what I'm saying? Stop it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, look, it's gay for pay. Wait, you go.

[Justin Silver]

Go dance.

[Big J Okerson]

No, Tim.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I was on mushrooms.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was believable.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Told me that her grandfather suddenly died.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What's this guy reading? What a jerk off. Lewis.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Because I can read.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I was on mushrooms. Significant other. That would be like a girl significant.

[Big J Okerson]

The three of us are we. You both are married.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

People who are only married say significant other.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

No one's.

[Justin Silver]

You're saying only married people say significant other?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Like unmarried people don't refer to their girlfriends as significant other. True. My girlfriend.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Oh, it might. She might. Alex would have changed the wording as well. It might be wife. And then Jay is in a significant other.

[Big J Okerson]

You change that from girlfriend.

[Tim Butterly]

She can't ask.

[Big J Okerson]

You're saying the same thing I'm saying.

[Tim Butterly]

What do you mean?

[Big J Okerson]

Who the only people refer. She wouldn't change it from.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can you guys just kiss and get this tension?

[Big J Okerson]

I'm.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm sick of it already.

[Steve Rannazizi]

She know. I. I think what Justin. I understand what Justin say. I think Alex might have changed this and she can't tell us, but it might have been wife in the story.

[Big J Okerson]

So there you go. Same point.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Steve Rannazizi]

This. This could be a two in a row. Tim Butter story.

[Big J Okerson]

This is a two.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Tim is. And I mean this. Tim is always on mushrooms.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And also you're Tim.

[Steve Rannazizi]

He's. He's microdosing a little bit of mushrooms.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But aren't you also a little a late bloomer to drugs in general? Right?

[Justin Silver]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Like you got into them a lot.

[Justin Silver]

I thought all drugs were heroin until I was like 30.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

Wait, you never did drugs till you were 30?

[Justin Silver]

Something like that.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, me neither, dude.

[Justin Silver]

Maybe a little. Yeah, around then.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah. You're not a. I don't really do. You're not a mushroomy?

[Tim Butterly]

Not really. No.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Type of.

[Tim Butterly]

I do pot.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I do pot.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Do pot, smoke pot. Do you do it with your Timothy?

[Tim Butterly]

I do the pot.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Send him this pot.

[Big J Okerson]

Do this pot, dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yo, if you were cool, you do it. No way, dude. Reefer. You smoked reefer.

[Justin Silver]

Classic Steve.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tim, take a hit and then pass me that grass.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Steve does have. Trying to. Steve has. I'm smoking pot to prove I'm not an undercover cop.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Energy. No, I'm not. Malibu bike police.

[Tim Butterly]

Say, you know why I pulled you over?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Hey, where do you guys get your illegal beer from? From? Hey, where do you underage kids get your beer from.

[Justin Silver]

You look like Brobo Cop.

[Tim Butterly]

RoboCop.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Robo this kid. I mean, I just feel like this story is screaming Timor. It could even be Big J. But then again, Big J wouldn't call his wife significant.

[Luis J. Gomez]

My insignificant other.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Damn.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Don't worry, she got money.

[Steve Rannazizi]

It's okay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She's fine. Fine. This could be me. But Louis, you also know I just haven't taken mushrooms. The odds of this happening. I take a mushroom's like 10 times total.

[Steve Rannazizi]

You're not a mushroom guy. Really? Tim is by definition a mushroom guy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, he's mostly mushroom.

[Big J Okerson]

True, but it's like a mushroom dude.

[Steve Rannazizi]

It can be two stories in a row. It's all randomized.

[Justin Silver]

Here's the thing. It's not me. And I need help figuring out who it is. So let's work together.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Steve's friends with Steve. Definitely does mushrooms. That was a bold faced lie.

[Tim Butterly]

No, I mean, I've done mushrooms, but not like all the time. Not a mushroom guy.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Right.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So maybe that one time when your wife's grandfather died.

[Tim Butterly]

No, I wish. But not me, dude. I wish.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Is your wife's grandfather alive?

[Tim Butterly]

He's not even dead.

[Steve Rannazizi]

He's not even dead. What's his name?

[Tim Butterly]

Freddy.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Sam Freddy.

[Tim Butterly]

Lives in Hollywood, Florida.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Nice.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, dude.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Still nice.

[Luis J. Gomez]

By the old Seminole Hard Rock.

[Tim Butterly]

And I gotta go down and see him every time I go to that club down there.

[Big J Okerson]

What kind of car does he drive?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Dona Beach.

[Tim Butterly]

He doesn't drive anymore.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's a Dona beach man.

[Tim Butterly]

Donya Beach. I think it's butterly.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I gotta go Butterly on this. But if we. If we just light up somebody else at points right now, it's crazy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm going. Justin.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Really?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yep.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I don't think Justin was like a mushroom.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This could be Lewis.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Could be, could be.

[Big J Okerson]

It could be any of us who knows.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tim. This is Tim. Mushrooms. He doesn't care about Grant.

[Justin Silver]

What does everybody else have?

[Luis J. Gomez]

No.

[Tim Butterly]

Butterly. No.

[Steve Rannazizi]

If it's not.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Everyone has me.

[Big J Okerson]

I wrote it. Nice.

[Steve Rannazizi]

If it's not. If it's not, somebody is cleaning up.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I wrote it the best. Fuck.

[Justin Silver]

I need this so bad. Which one of you snakes is it?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Dude, Tim's on mushrooms right now. He thinks we're snakes.

[Tim Butterly]

That's why his eyes fell out. Can't even see us right now with that one eye.

[Big J Okerson]

You only have to play the charade to Jay right now. We're in.

[Steve Rannazizi]

We're locked in.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jay don't get. He's getting.

[Justin Silver]

Here's the thing. I promise it's not me. Is it you?

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, I'm easy.

[Justin Silver]

If it's you, I'll be cool about it, but you have to help me figure someone else out.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's not me. But this is. This story is not even me. It's not like, a part. This wouldn't be my story. Story.

[Justin Silver]

Yeah. That would be a great submission for the show, right?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I wish I had the story so I could have made it seem like it wasn't me, but it's not. Oh, Tim. All right.

[Justin Silver]

Shot in the dark.

[Big J Okerson]

Myth wrapped in an enigma.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Mother showing Tim.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Oh, man. If it's not Tim, we're.

[Big J Okerson]

We're not.

[Steve Rannazizi]

All right, if we're. If it's.

[Justin Silver]

Come on, dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We're all locked in.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Tim's still acting right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's going for it. He's riding it to the wheels. Come on.

[Justin Silver]

Look, you guys, on your own.

[Alex]

It's Steve, you guys, this story belongs to Steve.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Holy. Steve Ranazizi has gotten good at story wars.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Right before our very eyes.

[Tim Butterly]

Hold on. Are you ready for this? I did put wife slash girlfriend number two. My wife's grandfather is dead as fuck.

[Big J Okerson]

Is his name Freddy?

[Tim Butterly]

His name is Freddy. He's dead as fuck, dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You gave him a fucking profession.

[Tim Butterly]

I know. I know, because I realized. I watched. I go, you got a lie, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Did you take improv classes just for this, Dude, I did. At all?

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That felt so good. You lied so hard to us.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, my God.

[Steve Rannazizi]

You're telling me that Freddy's dead?

[Tim Butterly]

Freddy's dead.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Was it your final nightmare, dude?

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, my God. Dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Would you say that he dropped Dead Fred?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yes. Thank you. Rude.

[Tim Butterly]

So it was during COVID right? And he was, like, living in Florida. He was like. Remember that? Like, you probably heard about, like. Like, they played cards every week.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I have to go to his fucking house every time I play that goddamn club. He said, yep, I have to go to his house.

[Tim Butterly]

I just told the truth of when he was alive, but now he's dead.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Dude.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Smart. Dude.

[Big J Okerson]

That's fucking.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Your time is yours.

[Big J Okerson]

In Danya beach, you make the shit.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, and I set it up with. With the before one. Anyway, let's talk about Freddie, please. He's dead. So he died during COVID but during COVID like, you know, everyone's home in the house. Like, I was cleaning out the house, and I found these mushrooms. So what happened was two weeks before we found out he had Covid. But we didn't think he was gonna die. Everyone's like, oh, you don't really die of it, you know. But he was like 85 years old.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jesus Christ.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, at that point, we didn't think he was gonna die.

[Luis J. Gomez]

How is this not in a Dave Smith dissertation?

[Tim Butterly]

So I'm cleaning the house. It's a Friday afternoon. No one's going anywhere. I take the mushrooms, right? I'm like, fucking out of my mind.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's gonna live at least 8 to 13 hours.

[Tim Butterly]

All of a sudden, she gets a phone call that he's dead. That they were like, he. We just. He died like, you know, covert just kills you like that he was dead. And then she started, like, she wasn't really upset. And I started bawling, dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I started.

[Tim Butterly]

I.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What am I gonna do when I'm in. Daniel.

[Tim Butterly]

I was so nervous that she was gonna find out. I never told her. I told her I ate an edible.

[Big J Okerson]

Is she finding out right now?

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, right, sorry. So she's telling. She goes, people passed away, and you're just crying and looking at it like a dog.

[Tim Butterly]

I go, I'm going to not only meet your emotional situ. I'm going to. I'm going over it, dude. So I was like, are you kidding me? She probably getting so bad.

[Big J Okerson]

She probably thought you were cheating on her.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I thought I had more time. I thought I had more time.

[Steve Rannazizi]

What am I going to do when I go into am?

[Tim Butterly]

Who are we going to hang out with, man?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Oh, that's so funny.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What do I got? What do I got now? You be now.

[Tim Butterly]

What do I got now? Nothing.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's what. Nothing.

[Big J Okerson]

We do the rocket.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Do with Freddy A. And then the Jewish prayer Baro.

[Tim Butterly]

I thought Jews got slid into those. I didn't never saw one of those before till I saw Rocky.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You got mausoleum.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, Mausoleum, dude. I go, man. Jews are wild bar.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Where are our points at, Alex? That was a wild round. Steve just cleaned the up. Anybody's getting game still? Where are we at?

[Tim Butterly]

Is it game?

[Steve Rannazizi]

It is. Except for Jason.

[Tim Butterly]

My book.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Shut up, dude. Am I officially the worst at this game? Let's compile some stats.

[Big J Okerson]

Second worst.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And find out if I'm the worst at the game. And by the way, Alex, I don't appreciate you comfortably already nodding yes.

[Alex]

I was nodding yes to yes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We were. Oh, okay, okay. She had a real face of like. Yeah, dude, for sure.

[Alex]

Oh, actually, okay. We do have. Have. I'm going to let Gike read out your records really quick. You and Lewis.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Lewis is 13, 19 and 1. The winningest person in Story wars history.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, cuz he does every one plays every week.

[Steve Rannazizi]

What is one? There was a draw and Jay is 329 and one. You.

[Big J Okerson]

You shouldn't do this for a living anymore.

[Tim Butterly]

I would against. He's got two thirds of the wins you have.

[Big J Okerson]

And he's played three times.

[Tim Butterly]

And three fucking times, bro.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yo, how is this your job, dude? I show up every week.

[Big J Okerson]

You just bought a house with this money? How is this possible?

[Tim Butterly]

J, do you listen to anyone? Have you ever listened to anyone?

[Big J Okerson]

You self centered?

[Tim Butterly]

Holy shit, dude. Three fucking wins, bro.

[Luis J. Gomez]

3 and 29. If I was a fan of mine, I'd stop watching. Yeah, I'm like, season's over, dude. The playoffs are a distant dream.

[Tim Butterly]

I was depressed coming in here in 03. I was like, I don't final get a win.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Three and 23 is so much more redeemable than three. I have to win 26 times to hit five. Honda, you're gonna get traded. Lewis is six away from that.

[Tim Butterly]

Crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

He's like the Uncle Rico of stories. Story wars, dude.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Alex, where our points at?

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's great. That affected me more. More than feel that.

[Alex]

In last place with four points, Big J over.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Thank you. Thank you, Roots.

[Justin Silver]

They're calling H. Foley out of the bullpen.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, is he warming up? All right, guys, we'll show you around. Thank you so much, man.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Go ahead, Alex.

[Alex]

All right, next up with five points, Justin Silver.

[Tim Butterly]

Good job, Justin.

[Big J Okerson]

What up, man?

[Tim Butterly]

Great, dude.

[Alex]

With six points, Lewis J. Gomez. With 10 points, Tim Butterley. And in the lead with 16 points, Steve Brown is.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow, wow, wow.

[Tim Butterly]

Game over, guys. Thanks for coming, everyone.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We're done. Can I tell you something?

[Tim Butterly]

What?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm still in the game.

[Tim Butterly]

Well, I want to quit.

[Steve Rannazizi]

You really are.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm still in the game.

[Tim Butterly]

How do I take a knee?

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's impossible. There's no clock.

[Tim Butterly]

Is there a way that I can kneel on the ball?

[Luis J. Gomez]

And if you think I'm ready to just watch. George Carlins. When will Jesus bring the pork chops?

[Tim Butterly]

Walk out of my life, do you know?

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's garnered a variety of reactions from readers and critics alike. Many appreciate Carlin's signature dark humor and incisive social commentary on Goodreads. The book holds an average rating of 3.89 out of 5 based on numerous reviews. Readers commend Carlin's ability to tackle a broad spectrum of topics with his unique comedic flair.

[Tim Butterly]

That shit would look so good on my bookshelf.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm not out. I'm not just watching this. Walk away.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Alex. Story number seven.

[Alex]

Story Number seven. Every time my significant other has lost someone since we've been together, I've had to pretend to care.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, it's not Steve, because we know how much he cared about the last one.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, he sort of pretended, though. He said, in fairness. Right. You turned up the juice. I did.

[Tim Butterly]

I turned it on, dude. I gave it all the raz.

[Justin Silver]

So present tense. Long term, it's Jay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, geez.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Every time Jay or Tim. Yeah, that was a just pretty big push off anybody.

[Big J Okerson]

Every time my significant other.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, it is. What do you mean, present tense?

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, Every time my significant.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And Tim noticed that and called me out.

[Tim Butterly]

How come we're not saying the significant other thing about the wife thing?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah.

[Justin Silver]

Well, it's a red herring.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You know what? Until this very second, I forgot you, I was like, okay, hang on. So it is one of the three of us.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah. I mean, it could be a Steve story twice, but it is. He did. You did talk about how you cried when her grandfather.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, that's definitely not.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, that was on mushrooms.

[Justin Silver]

I can't see anything.

[Tim Butterly]

I would never have cried in real life.

[Steve Rannazizi]

And Tim is actually a sweet person who would care about his wife's family dying. Jay is the only person that I know.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but Tim's a cold robot who went to a magnet school. Let's not forget that.

[Justin Silver]

Make up your mind.

[Big J Okerson]

This is like, I can't.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, well, I'm gonna play the numbers game in here and go, Tim. I think he's throwing it to me.

[Justin Silver]

Smart. You would put your own name down and accept that it's you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It doesn't work that way, Tim. That's not how the game goes.

[Justin Silver]

Couldn't you pick yourself and get.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No.

[Steve Rannazizi]

No, you can't, Steve. Why would you pick me when it's obviously not me? That's my problem right now because he's.

[Big J Okerson]

So in the lead, he doesn't give a anymore, man.

[Tim Butterly]

This is my version of kneeling on the ball. Why would you have the ball?

[Justin Silver]

Why would you have a problem with you picking you, though? If he's wrong, he doesn't get any.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Well, I don't. I don't have a problem with him picking me. I just feel like that's a weird move. So I feel like maybe it could be Steve again. Again?

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's been back to back before, but I don't think it's.

[Big J Okerson]

Make that point again. Say that again.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I said it could be Steve again because he's picking me, and I. It's a weird pick.

[Justin Silver]

This completely contradicts the last story. Honestly, if these. If this story is from Steve and the last story is true, then I'm done with this show forever.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, me too.

[Justin Silver]

That sucks.

[Big J Okerson]

That's a lie. Oh, wait, that's not. That would be. You understand what I'm saying?

[Justin Silver]

This is not Steve.

[Tim Butterly]

It is me.

[Big J Okerson]

You can't do that.

[Justin Silver]

Why can't I say it's because he wants everyone to pick the wrong guy so they. He stays.

[Tim Butterly]

I need everything to call. I. I gotta cause chaos right now.

[Justin Silver]

It's not Steve.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, that means he believes it's definitely Lewis.

[Justin Silver]

It's not.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, I do believe he could be wrong, though. I absolutely could be wrong.

[Big J Okerson]

How could this be Lewis if he's trying to draw.

[Luis J. Gomez]

If he's trying to draw the last thing to him.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Big J with a flaming pentagram.

[Tim Butterly]

Everybody spread it out nicely.

[Steve Rannazizi]

He's the.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's not me. But still.

[Steve Rannazizi]

You're the devil.

[Big J Okerson]

That's sexy, dude.

[Steve Rannazizi]

It just sounds.

[Justin Silver]

Hey, it's Jay.

[Steve Rannazizi]

It's. And I, by the way, I'm not even on you, J to say this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You already put it in.

[Steve Rannazizi]

No, I didn't put it in. I didn't.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, now it's in.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right. We say handoff. We say handoff. We say handoff.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Jay. Jay. He's doing some overacting to try to get me to change my vote last.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No. Thou shalt not do that. You think I would maketh up something crazy in zero hour? As it approaches the 23rd hour, he's kissing a skull. Quote the Raven. Twasn't me.

[Steve Rannazizi]

No, I. I'm not even shooting on you, Jake. Like, I understand the sentiment of not caring when somebody's family member dies and having to sit there and be like, ah, it like, ruins my day because I have to pretend to care. Now I completely get it.

[Tim Butterly]

You just.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I really hope this is Tim. You're making a good. A good fight.

[Steve Rannazizi]

No, it's. No, it's a. I'm just saying, like. Because I'm saying that that is a similarity between me and Jack. This is a personality trait of Jay's. I could not see it being Tim. Tim is too sweet of a guy.

[Justin Silver]

Thank you, Big J.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Okay, well, now your hands off it. You fucked up big.

[Steve Rannazizi]

You don't have to act anymore.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jay, I can't believe you would behave like this. You know, Louis, what does friendship mean to you? Because I'll tell you what it means to me.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Friendship.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Which one's my camera? Bring it in. Close friendship to me.

[Alex]

Alex, that story belongs to Big J. Oh.

[Big J Okerson]

Who'S your tell? My significant other. I got really fooled by the significant.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Other, by the way, what she took out. Am I right, Alex? You took out a parenthesis where I go every time my significant other has lost someone since we've been together and there's been a bunch I've had to pretend to care. Now, let me explain before. That sounds monstrous. She's the transplant, right? So she's come from California, so I don't know any of the people that she grew up with. I've met him maybe once, tops. If her father died, I think his name's John, I'm pretty sure. And if he died, I would pretend to care about that too, because it's very sweet.

[Steve Rannazizi]

It's actually sweet.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, I'd give her a good old two weeks. Maybe. I might even fly to California to be there for her. Pretty cut nuts for somebody who I don't give two shits about. So, yeah, I've put up a good act every time. Because I'll tell you, until this very moment, she's probably believed that I've cared.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Wow.

[Justin Silver]

Why can't you bring that same performance to Story Wars?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Timothy?

[Justin Silver]

Wait a minute. You might not be fooling her at all.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Timberly. I'll have you know I got some points on that one. Timber.

[Big J Okerson]

That's awesome.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Alex, where our points at?

[Alex]

All right on the scoreboard. With five points, Justin Silver. With eight points, Big J Okerson.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Not last, folks.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Not last. Now, it's still going to go as 30 losses to three wins, wins. But I lose. I win one out of every 10 shows. Dude, that's months of coming in for feeling good, going home once. What do we make on this show? Is it worth those painful feelings?

[Alex]

With 10 points, Louis J. Gomez.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Bring this book. Bring this book home, baby.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I'm gonna try.

[Alex]

With 14 points, Tim Butterley.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And holding on to the lead with 16 points, Steve ran is easy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Come on.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Still anybody's game. It's still anybody's game.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's. It's not my game, guy. I can't win the game.

[Steve Rannazizi]

No, you can. You can. You could tie it. You could tie it with Steve.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, I couldn't.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yes, you can. If one more story is yours, you can. And nobody guesses you. Yes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Do you know how many.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Eight points, right? You can get eight points, right?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Do you know what eight plus. Oh, oh, oh, yeah.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Do I know what eight plus eight is?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yes, I do.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can I. Before you start Connect, can I give you apologies?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Please.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I was reading Justin's Score. I thought I had five. Well, my bad.

[Steve Rannazizi]

There you go.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Hey. My bad.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Hey, that was big of you. That was almost as big as you was pretending to care about Christine's parents dying.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well. Well, her mother died before I met her, so I didn't even have to pretend to give a shit about that.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Thank God.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But she showed me a picture of her before she died, and I said this. That her mother died a legitimate one. And she laughed at that. So that's why she lives in a house. Hey, real quick, let's talk about one of our awesome sponsors over here at Story wars, and that is Yo Kratom.

[Tim Butterly]

Yay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yo Kratom, everybody. Mark, he sponsors Skankfest every year and sponsor of all things gas, digital, but you know them and love them. Still home of the $60 kilo. That price has never changed through inflation. Eggs are through the roof. We're flipping Mexicans over the wall. And what's still the same. Yo kratom. $60 for a kilo. 2.2 pounds of kratom.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Incredible deal. We're not telling you to get started with Kratom. We're letting you know that if you're buying Kratom already, you got to get it at a discount down. It's lab tested, quality, mother approved. It's just the best Kratom on the planet, and it's the best deal. There's no promo code needed. Just go straight to yo kratom.com and support the company that supports great comedy. All right, where were we? It's time for our final story.

[Alex]

Story number eight. My childhood cat Queenie was eaten by my neighbor's dog, Chip.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I feel like this is something that Lewis would name a catch.

[Big J Okerson]

Animal names. Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Queenie, neighbor's dog Chip. This again. This could be fucking Long Island. Steve.

[Steve Rannazizi]

That is a suburban story.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's a neighborhood war for sure. Yeah, I don't. I mean, eaten by the fucking dog. What kind of dog was this? This isn't Justin. Because Justin loves dogs.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Justin speaks dog, so he would have been able to stop.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, I just feel like. Yes, but even if it wasn't, when he spoke dog, I don't think he would fall in love with dogs much as he did if he watched it murder his childhood cat.

[Tim Butterly]

That could have been his origin story, though.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Maybe.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

Never again.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'll change these dogs to never hurt cats. That's the first thing you're gonna do.

[Tim Butterly]

Every drug on the planet.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm trying to get my dog Cody oh, all right.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm trying to get my dog to sit.

[Steve Rannazizi]

This is. This could be anybody here. This is a suburb. Well, you didn't grow up in the burbs, but you grew up in, like, a semi.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I live five years in the burbs in Jersey.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Was there. Was there dogs running around?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know your family to be like, a animal family.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I had a cat.

[Steve Rannazizi]

What was the cat's name?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Brandy.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Brandy sounds after. After the pop singer.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, here's the issue that what we had here is because we've had to. If you're on Legion of Skanks, we've done the. The porn star name formula of your first pet and the street you grew up on. And that's why I would be a. I'd be a hot chick. My porn name is Brandy Brockton.

[Big J Okerson]

That is hot, dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, that takes cock.

[Steve Rannazizi]

And mine was Chichi Benson.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chichi Benson.

[Tim Butterly]

Joy Third Avenue.

[Big J Okerson]

I was Brett Yellowstone.

[Steve Rannazizi]

That actually just makes sense. Your name should be Brett Yellowstone.

[Luis J. Gomez]

How did you not register with SAG as Brett Yellowstone? Dude, you could have been everything. A magician.

[Steve Rannazizi]

His name isn't really Justin Silver.

[Tim Butterly]

Yellowstone.

[Steve Rannazizi]

He chose the name Justin Silver. He should have been Brett Yellowstone.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Dude, Tim, what were you gonna be?

[Justin Silver]

Wait, what's the rule again?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Queenie. Shitbox Avenue. Queenie. Main Street.

[Justin Silver]

I had a. I had a dog. I had a dog kill a cat in my house one time. This is not me. This is not me. But my. I.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Was it your dog and your cat?

[Justin Silver]

Yeah, we took in a rescue dog, and, like, we were, like, feeling it out with our cats, and, like, we were.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, my God, dude, you brought your cat's murderer into the home. I thought it was gonna be the thing that got introduced, got killed.

[Justin Silver]

The best thing ever. We can gave this little fucking pup a home. And it was just like, wow, dude, we're the best fucking people in the entire world. And then, like six weeks later, one of the cat that we were trying to familiarize with, it, like, crept down the steps very slowly with, like, a look of hope in its eyes. Just like, yeah, this is working out. And it got to the bottom of the stairs, and this dog grabbed it by the neck and shook it until it died.

[Big J Okerson]

What kind of dog was it?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Is there nothing more distracting to a story than people upstairs wooing? Like, Chappelle just walked on stage. I know. Telling story that would hit me.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I thought. I thought that was the White Lotus music.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I got to watch the show. I don't get the goddamn great Show.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Great show, Great joke.

[Tim Butterly]

Great show, great show, great show. But when's something gonna happen?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Everyone talked about the latest episode.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Crazy.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Okay. Arnold Schwarzenegger kisses AR son. Kiss his brother.

[Tim Butterly]

Who gives a. Oh, is that what you're looking for?

[Steve Rannazizi]

That was it, guys.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But severance is in high gear.

[Tim Butterly]

Sorry.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Severance Season 2 is a little slow.

[Justin Silver]

Anyway.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait, what kind of dog was it?

[Justin Silver]

I think it was a Pitbull mix.

[Steve Rannazizi]

What was it? What was the Pitbull's name? Chip. Roland.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Double homicide.

[Justin Silver]

His name was Roland after. Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Got Queenie and Chip on the same day.

[Justin Silver]

So my. So it's all right. So it's not Justin.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Maybe be.

[Justin Silver]

We've already done five Steves, didn't we? Haven't we done a lot of Steves?

[Steve Rannazizi]

There's. So it's. So if you. You can submit three to five stories. It's genuinely randomly generated. So you can get.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You can.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Technically we can do.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oops.

[Justin Silver]

All Steves I've been doing.

[Steve Rannazizi]

That's what I have. A Bobby Kelly one. I think Bobby Kelly had four stories called that day. I had one story. It was crazy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Bobby came from last fairness here. What?

[Steve Rannazizi]

It's all randomly generated.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So that's.

[Steve Rannazizi]

You know.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's a goddamn comedy podcast. Podcast.

[Steve Rannazizi]

It's not real.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's not real. This book.

[Big J Okerson]

Justin, you're trying to say to make yourself feel better about losing Justin, you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Would name a cat Queenie and dress it up every day in girl clothes. Queenie, what are we gonna do today? Agree. Just out on the couch and watch sex. You're being a real Samantha today. I'm always care. I'm always careful married because I'm the only one who could talk.

[Steve Rannazizi]

This could be a Justin Silver origin story. Like he saw this dog that was not taken care of well kill a cat. And he was like, I gotta do something about these dogs and train them how to be not be Savages in the hood. Power in the money. Money in the power.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Justin does do the Queenie memorial show every year. I never really asked him what it was about. I just say yes.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Did you have a cat when you were a kid, Justin?

[Big J Okerson]

My dad had cats. We didn't have cats. We didn't have cats at my mom's house.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But his dad knew he had a pussy.

[Big J Okerson]

I had what?

[Luis J. Gomez]

That was a great confidence.

[Steve Rannazizi]

He thinks it's you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

And then I had cats as an adult, but they were not named Queenie.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, not anymore.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Justin. Yeah. What's that face?

[Luis J. Gomez]

That wasn't good lying. Justin.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're a thespian. Yep. I expect more out of you. This is definitely Justin.

[Big J Okerson]

It wasn't thine cat.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's definitely Justin.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I really think it's Justin.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm trying to. I'm trying to figure out who this is, and I have. No way. I listen.

[Tim Butterly]

I'm.

[Big J Okerson]

Part of me thinks like Lucy. Lou.

[Tim Butterly]

Queenie.

[Big J Okerson]

Feels like a name that Lou.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Why don't you stutter more and take your sunglasses off?

[Big J Okerson]

Doesn't matter. This is not me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So.

[Big J Okerson]

This is not me. You can pick me. You can all pick.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It doesn't matter. I lost three stories ago.

[Steve Rannazizi]

That's ridiculous. That's ridiculous logic. That Queenie would be what I named my cat. You're not even saying anything. You're just saying words into the air.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I just feel I wouldn't do that.

[Big J Okerson]

That's like a name that you would name a cat Queenie Feels like a it to me. That feels like something you would name a cat.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Something a young. It feels like something a young, confused boy would eat a cat.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm so lost on this. It doesn't even matter. I'm like. I've been not paying attention for the past 10 minutes.

[Tim Butterly]

Awesome.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's something that a young, confused boy would name a cat in Queens. You live in Queens? Queenie from Queens. That would mean something to a little twirly boy, A little hairless boy like you were.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm gonna pick Lewis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Go ahead and pick him.

[Justin Silver]

I can see Jay's mom calling a cat Queenie, though. This could be Jay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I had one cat, Brandy. Ran away and died after I moved out. Out.

[Justin Silver]

Your word means nothing to me.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I mean, it definitely died. It was a cat. It died years ago.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It died? Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

The fact that it's all random now. I thought there had to be a certain amount of stories from each person that was in.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, you were playing the numbers game.

[Justin Silver]

You were card counting. Story wars. Your story counting. Dude, that's illegal.

[Big J Okerson]

It was totally like card counting.

[Justin Silver]

What the hell?

[Big J Okerson]

I was like, wait, he had too many. I was doing that the whole time.

[Steve Rannazizi]

All right, I'm playing.

[Big J Okerson]

Can we start over?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Justin Silver. I'm going to go with my theory. This is his origin.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm tell. I'm telling you so you don't lose it that you shouldn't pick me. I'm being honest with you to save you for right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Justin, think about Queenie. I will remember you. Lift his glasses. Crying You.

[Justin Silver]

Steve, what do you think?

[Tim Butterly]

What do you think?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Oh, no.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, come on, dude.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Oh, no.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Come on together here. Come on. Dude, you're not even holding a pen yet.

[Justin Silver]

You're nowhere near the answer.

[Tim Butterly]

You need me.

[Justin Silver]

What's up?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Steve will show his ass real early sometimes.

[Tim Butterly]

What's up? What do you want to talk about?

[Justin Silver]

I don't know. What do you think about Jay being it?

[Tim Butterly]

I mean, it feels Jay to me, but Lewis has been pretty quiet.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I'm thinking about Queenie.

[Big J Okerson]

Me too.

[Luis J. Gomez]

In the arms of an angel.

[Tim Butterly]

But if it's you, Butterly, if it's you, I swear to God, not me, I'm gonna kill myself.

[Big J Okerson]

I thought you said you were gonna punch him in the face.

[Justin Silver]

I had a dog drown in an above ground pool in the winter when I was a kid.

[Big J Okerson]

A double loser. Holy shit.

[Tim Butterly]

Here's if it's you. And you made up that story about another dog killing a cat.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, that's high level.

[Steve Rannazizi]

High level story.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're gonna kill yourself. Are you trying to fucking come through with your promise to die before 50?

[Justin Silver]

But it's not. But you would tell me if it was you though, right?

[Tim Butterly]

No.

[Justin Silver]

No. So it's you.

[Tim Butterly]

It's definitely me. Me.

[Justin Silver]

No, it's not him. It's Jay.

[Tim Butterly]

It's Jay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, Christ. Oh, it's neither of them. No way.

[Steve Rannazizi]

It's Jay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I thought it was definitely one of them.

[Justin Silver]

I think it's Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

How would you not know that that's not me?

[Steve Rannazizi]

How would I not know what you?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't know, Justin. You live in a cloud of mist.

[Justin Silver]

He would lie to protect TV shows.

[Big J Okerson]

About my life with dogs.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Why would you open your dog TV show with a story about your cactus?

[Tim Butterly]

You would know. Pretty crazy if that's how you started.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Know that you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a big gay guy.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Alex, all the stories are in.

[Alex]

Wow. You guys, that story belongs to Louis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

Queenie sounds like a dream of a cat.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You.

[Steve Rannazizi]

That was for you, Queenie.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Who the was? Chichi.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Chichi was my chihuahua. And we named her Chichi because I couldn't say Chihuahua. I would say Chichiwawa. How cute is that? How cute is that?

[Big J Okerson]

You see the logic in this though? Like Queenie feels like a name of it.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Well, I didn't. I didn't name the cat my aunt Anna Marie, who's still alive to this day, she named the cat Queenie.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it sounds Puerto Rican.

[Steve Rannazizi]

She was a black. She was a black cat. And you know the suburbs where he grew up, all the animals were like outside animals. Like they would come in, come and go Go. And my neighbor, who was actually our landlord, they had a big old. Just a big mean dog named Chip. And Chip would regularly get out of. Like, it's. It's. It was like. It was. It was in a long, like, gated area behind our houses that was like. It would, like, run up and down, but it was a huge dog throw.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Like, just meat in there at night.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Dude. It was like the dog from Sandlot. Dude. It was. It was. All the neighboring kids were terrified of this because the dog would get out, the dog would get out.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Flashbacks, dude. Chip. Chip said. Chip, dude.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Chip would get out, and then we'd all be playing in the neighborhood. And Chip would come and he wouldn't attack us. He would just jump on you and push you over and smack your head into the concrete.

[Big J Okerson]

I love this dog, dude.

[Steve Rannazizi]

This dog was a fucking monster. Everyone hated this fucking dog. And Chip. We were all just sitting on my aunt's back porch with Queenie sitting there all peacefully. And Chip came running up to us and just grabbed Queenie by the neck, shook her, killed her in front of us in our horror, and then started chewing on her and eating her.

[Big J Okerson]

What'd you do?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Cried and screamed.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you hit him?

[Steve Rannazizi]

No. I was a child. I was terrified of Chip. I took Chips out. I was like, get her, Chip.

[Big J Okerson]

Queenie feels like a Puerto Rican fan. That's what they name out, like, Queenie.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Oh, it was in. There was an Italian lady.

[Big J Okerson]

That's what I meant. Same, you know.

[Steve Rannazizi]

But, yeah, Queenie, that was. That was my first probably real experience with death. Oh. Besides my fault. But, yeah, that was that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Also killed by a neighbor's dog. Our final score is. Alex.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I have no idea who won this.

[Alex]

All right. In last place with eight points, big.

[Luis J. Gomez]

J. O for right off. 3 and 3 and 30. 3 and 30. That's crazy. It's a lottery pick for sure. Next season, dude. Cooper flag.

[Alex]

With nine points, Justin Silver.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Respectable.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Mine's not respectable.

[Steve Rannazizi]

It's respectable.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's got one point more than me.

[Big J Okerson]

You've been playing this for a year.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, you.

[Alex]

With 14 points, Tim Butterley. We have a tie for first place.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wow. Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Whoa.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What happened? Wow.

[Alex]

16 points each. LUIS J. Gomez and Steve Rannazizi.

[Tim Butterly]

What happens now?

[Steve Rannazizi]

We have a. We have a way that we do a tiebreaker.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't remember it, but it's good.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Okay, so what we do is we both. Here's what happens. They're gonna read one more story that belongs to one of them, not us. Right. We also have to wager Our points secretly. You can't. You can't tell me how many points are wagering. We're not telling anybody how many points we're wagering. Right. So basically, then when they read the story, it's gonna be one of them. It's not gonna be me or you. I'm correct about this one, right? It's not going to be me or you. So that'll be who decide how we decide.

[Tim Butterly]

Okay. Where do we write down our points?

[Steve Rannazizi]

So you write down the wager on the back of your thing and don't show anybody. Or don't show me. At the very least, we don't show the audience.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wait, wait.

[Justin Silver]

Can we all wager? Is it just you?

[Steve Rannazizi]

No, it's just.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, there's no point.

[Justin Silver]

For me there would be. I got a shot.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah. No, no. You're.

[Steve Rannazizi]

It's over. You're out. No, no, it's between me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Let me.

[Big J Okerson]

Let me explain it. They're tied, so we're trying to break that. You understand?

[Justin Silver]

I get that.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yep.

[Justin Silver]

I get that. But this is a new.

[Big J Okerson]

That's it.

[Justin Silver]

There is no.

[Big J Okerson]

There's nothing else.

[Justin Silver]

This is a new concept that would. I'm close enough. It would benefit.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I have my wager. I have my wager down.

[Tim Butterly]

I do too.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Alex, our final. Our tie breaking story. Alex, story number nine.

[Alex]

Tiebreaker. I once had a dream that I killed someone on this panel.

[Steve Rannazizi]

That's crazy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wow. I mean, it sounds like a riddle, first of all.

[Big J Okerson]

Sounds like a.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Here's what's super up. And I'm pretty sure I'm right about this. We all know the person they thought about killing is Lewis. Yeah, that's for sure.

[Tim Butterly]

100.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Whoever the person who got killed is.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yes or no, whoever story it is is going to tell the story at the end. I'm not going to give my logic here because I don't want Steve to get the same answer.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Me neither.

[Tim Butterly]

I have a pretty good logic too.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But I mean, the idea of the show, though, is to talk out the logic. That's how the funny happens.

[Steve Rannazizi]

You know?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm going to keep this to myself.

[Steve Rannazizi]

All right. All right. I think that this is Justin Silver dreaming of killing Big J.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Really? It's definitely killing you, dude.

[Justin Silver]

Gonna need a motive.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I mean, look, the reality is, like me, Justin and Jay have been friends for two decades, so I think it has to be either Big J or Justin.

[Luis J. Gomez]

How are you so delusional that you think that anyone. It's Justin. Wants to kill me over you? That's crazy.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I Think Justin would kill you over me? In a heartbeat. I'm a better friend of Justin.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's wild. That's wild. You wanna Justin right now.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Justin, answer the question.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You wanna see the Sophie's Choice?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Who do you want to die?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Justin. Justin. This question's easy.

[Big J Okerson]

Louis, I have to be honest. If you don't put a lie detector on me instead. If I. I've thought about killing you three times since your show started, so I mean daily, awake and asleep.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I'm giving my final answer as Justin Silver. That is my answer.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You get extra bonus 1 point if you guess who the person they want kills.

[Steve Rannazizi]

No, it'll just be. It'll just be fun.

[Alex]

You're negotiating, bro.

[Justin Silver]

I'm forming an alliance. Talk my dick.

[Big J Okerson]

It's the money they're giving each other, mama.

[Steve Rannazizi]

You're not. You're not. You can talk about it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Talk it out.

[Big J Okerson]

Talk it out.

[Justin Silver]

I think you. It's definitely Justin.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Duh.

[Justin Silver]

But it'd be fun if it was Jay, wouldn't it?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Is it Butterly?

[Big J Okerson]

How do you know my dreams, bro?

[Justin Silver]

I don't. That's why I'm speculating.

[Steve Rannazizi]

He's always on mushrooms. He could feel your dreams.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Why would Butterly want to kill you? Oh, maybe he was, like, gearing up when you guys were gonna, like, fight and stuff. Maybe he was dreaming about killing you. Oh, it honestly never crossed my. Who you think Your guess is me.

[Steve Rannazizi]

And Butterly became closer when we fought.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but before the fight, that's what I thought. He dreamed of killing you. That's how he was able to get it up to fight you when he loves you.

[Steve Rannazizi]

He had a boner when he fought me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He did.

[Big J Okerson]

It has to be.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He was fully aroused.

[Big J Okerson]

It has to be me, Jay or Lewis. With one of each.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Steve Rannazizi]

And it can't be my story, so I'm giving my final answer right now. I don't want to show Steve my number that I.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Wow. Tiebreakers are fun.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Whoa.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Jay Okerson. Wow. So we have different answers no matter what. Somebody's walking away here. So you lose the points that you gambled if you're wrong, and you gain them if you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

If you're both wrong.

[Steve Rannazizi]

If we're both wrong, we both lose our points.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, we lose the points that we have on the back.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

Okay.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Alex, whose story was that?

[Alex]

The tiebreaker story belongs to Justin Silver.

[Big J Okerson]

The way I wrote it had 100. There's no way that I would kill Jay over you, Lewis.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Son of a.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll tell you the Story, though.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Tell the story.

[Big J Okerson]

Remember when you and I were driving back from Uncle Vinny's and I was telling you to, like, keep talking to me because I was falling asleep at the wheel?

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And then you were, like, just getting lost in your phone.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And I was like, lewis, fuck it. Keep talking. And I get a few.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Fell asleep behind the wheel.

[Tim Butterly]

I was falling asleep.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, I'm falling asleep. I was falling down, like, loose. Don't stop. He was just fucking lo. I know. A few nights after that, I had a. Like, the. A dream of the same situation, except I was driving a school bus and I flipped us over to the divider, and you went through the windshield.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Oh, no.

[Big J Okerson]

So I didn't dream of, like, murdering her? Yeah. I didn't dream.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I don't.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't want her.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I feel like it was far more personal and violent than that. And you made that dream up on the spot to not make Lewis not feel bad.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Well, I. I did.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Justin's gonna text me later. Go. Here's the real.

[Steve Rannazizi]

I got the right person, and I gambled eight points, which means that I have 24 points. You got the wrong person. How many points did you get? It doesn't matter. I won't.

[Tim Butterly]

Zero.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Zero points.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Smart.

[Tim Butterly]

Because I've never gotten one right. That it's someone else.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Yeah. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I'm your winner.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Louis Shay Gomez. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? By George Carlin stays in house in the Story wars library. Thank God Lewis is, like, 40 and 2. Me standing strong at 3 and 30. Guys, there's always next week. Am I right, right, or am I right? You're improving. I'm going. A big round of applause for everybody on this panel.

[Steve Rannazizi]

Great show.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Steve Ranazizi, Justin Silver, Tim Butterly. Writing the wrong name.

[Big J Okerson]

You're writing the name that you're saying.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Steve Rannazizi]

This is how bad Jay is at lying.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I can't write my own name. Thank you guys so much for being here for Story Wars. Everyone, your newest. Oh, no, not new story. Warrior Lewis keeps it in house, man. Thank you, guys. We're here every Wednesday night, night at the stand. Come see us again. Thank you for listening and watching at home. Until next time, everybody, good night.