035. Shane Gillis, Matt McCusker, & Joe DeRosa | Heat

Summary

Story Warz Episode 035: Shane Gillis, Matt McCusker, & Joe DeRosa | Heat

Introduction

In Episode 035 of Story Warz, hosted by the GaS Digital Network, comedians Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez welcome a star-studded panel, including Shane Gillis, Matt McCusker, and Joe DeRosa, for an evening of comedic storytelling and sharp-witted deception. Filmed live from The Stand Comedy Club in New York City, the episode centers around the theme of "Heat," challenging participants to craft compelling and deceptive stories under time constraints.

Understanding the Game

At [05:13], Big Jay Oakerson lays out the rules of Story Warz. Each panelist, including hosts Big Jay and Luis, submits three to five stories related to the episode's theme—"Heat." The stories are then read aloud by the producer, Alex, and participants must discern whether the story is their own or one submitted by another panelist. Points are awarded based on correct guesses and successful deceptions:

• 2 points for correctly identifying a story's author.
• 1 point for successfully fooling others into believing a story isn't yours.

The stakes are high, with the prize for tonight's winner being O'Reilly's JavaScript Pocket Reference, Third Edition—a nod to the show's blend of humor and geek culture ([06:46]).

Round 1: The Vile Horrendous

The first story, read at [08:14], involves a hilariously gross tale of excessive sweating leading to a rehydrated and crusty posterior, earning it the nickname "Vile Horrendous." The panelists launch into playful accusations and denials:

• Joe DeRosa initially claims, “I am the vile horrendous” ([14:15]), igniting laughter and skepticism.
• Matt McCusker counters, professing his ass is “extremely clean” ([09:10]), prompting Big Jay to consider him a sleeper contender.
• Shane Gillis expresses disbelief, stating, “Shane tried to bail on this five times today” ([04:39]), heightening the intrigue.

After a spirited debate filled with crude humor and ribbing, Joe DeRosa emerges as the rightful author of the story, solidifying his presence with, “This has nothing to do with Heat” ([17:03]).

Round 2: Spicy Pizza Prank

Next, Alex presents a story about sneaking insanely spicy hot sauce under a slice of pizza and sharing it with unsuspecting roommates ([19:45]). This tale sets the stage for further humorous exchanges:

• Shane Gillis quickly suspects Joe, suggesting, “I think it's Matt, but I'm gonna go with my original instinct, which is always right. Joe DeRosa” ([12:33]).
• Matt McCusker defends himself by downplaying his prankster tendencies, saying, “I'm not a huge prank prankster” ([22:22]).
• Luis J. Gomez playfully accuses Matt of trying to manipulate the votes to his advantage ([12:32]).

Ultimately, Matt McCusker admits to orchestrating the prank, sharing the story in detail: “We just laughed” ([25:35]), securing his position in the game.

Round 3: Oceanic Oddities

The third story involves a beach adventure in Florida where the storyteller encounters police crime scene tape tangled around their leg ([26:28]). The panelists’ guesses reflect their unique perspectives:

• Shane Gillis sarcastically claims the story as his own, “I think that this is Big J or DeRosa” ([06:20]).
• Luis J. Gomez zeroes in on Joe’s past antics, suspecting him once more due to his known penchant for gross jokes ([12:45]).
• Big Jay Oakerson remains skeptical, “I feel like that's true. You'd be playing on Matt's behalf right now” ([12:32]).

In a twist, Big Jay Oakerson claims the story, revealing his dislike for the ocean with, “I hate the ocean” ([32:45]). However, Alex confirms the story belongs to Shane Gillis ([31:39]), leading to a brief moment of chaos and laughter as Shane exclaims, “That was me!” ([37:24]).

Round 4: Jamaican Jumbles

The fourth story describes a tumultuous trip to Jamaica involving an argument over the age of Brian Laundrie ([34:30]). The narrative complexity increases as panelists attempt to link personal anecdotes:

• Louis J. Gomez narrates, “We had the nicest time” ([38:15]), painting a vivid picture of a romantic yet conflict-ridden vacation.
• Shane Gillis accuses himself of crafting the story to align with past podcast discussions about Jamaican resorts ([36:43]).
• Matt McCusker initially declines involvement but is eventually revealed as the true author.

After a series of rapid-fire accusations and defenses, Alex declares the story belongs to Shane Gillis ([84:38]), allowing Louis J. Gomez to share his own expanded and more detailed version, solidifying his role as a master storyteller.

Round 5: Microwaved Mayhem

At [44:51], Alex reads a story about microwaving a turd in a cup and hiding it between computer towers, a grimy twist on pranking. The panelists' reactions are a mix of disgust and amusement:

• Joe DeRosa embraces the title “Vile Horrendous,” unapologetically claiming his love for gross humor ([45:21]).
• Shane Gillis critiques the story’s lack of personality, making it harder to guess correctly ([28:29]).
• Matt McCusker admits to the prank, recounting how he elevated a typical college dorm prank to epic proportions ([51:52]).

In a humorous turn, Matt reveals the practicalities behind the prank, earning him laughs and respect from his peers.

Rounds 6 & 7: High-Stakes Heat

The game intensifies with stories delving deeper into personal and exaggerated experiences:

• Story 6 involves a middle school fight where the storyteller takes the blame to protect a friend, blending humor with faux drama ([56:06]).
• Story 7 recounts the misadventure of eating the spiciest wings, leading to a numb penis—a story so outrageous it leaves guests in stitches ([67:22]).

Each round showcases the panelists' abilities to fabricate believable stories while maintaining the comedic undercurrent. Notable interactions include:

• Joe DeRosa’s unabashed declaration, “I love shit” ([45:21]), aligning with his “Vile Horrendous” persona.
• Shane Gillis accusing others of conspiring, “Matt and Shane are genuinely cheating” ([53:30]), adding layers of suspense and humor.

Round 8: Dominican Drama

The final story, about catching a cousin jerking off in a closet in the Dominican Republic, ramps up the absurdity and humor ([77:42]). The panelists engage in a flurry of accusations:

• Louis J. Gomez contends it's Louis, exclaiming, “I promise it's not me” ([67:40]).
• Shane Gillis accuses Matt of playing everyone, while Matt McCusker defends himself by detailing the prank's execution ([78:13]).

The climax arrives as Alex announces, “That was Matt McCuskel” ([84:38]), leading to an uproarious acceptance from Matt and playful ribbing from his peers.

Conclusion and Winner Announcement

After eight intense and laughter-filled rounds, the scores are tallied:

• Louis J. Gomez emerges victorious with a commanding 18 points ([87:30]), praised for his inventive storytelling and quick deductions.
• Shane Gillis follows with 11 points, demonstrating sharp intuition and humorous commentary.
• Matt McCusker earns 12 points, recognized for his creative pranks and engaging narratives.
• Joe DeRosa and Big Jay Okerson conclude the game tied with 10 points each, respectively, showcasing their unique comedic styles and enduring camaraderie.

Memorable Highlights and Quotes

Throughout the episode, several standout moments underscore the show's comedic brilliance:

• Shane Gillis: “I'm very excited about tonight's show. We have a fucking star studded lineup. This is it.” ([02:20])
• Joe DeRosa: “I am the vile horrendous.” ([14:15])
• Big Jay Oakerson: “I hate the ocean.” ([32:45])
• Luis J. Gomez: “The vile horrendous strikes again.” ([46:22])
• Matt McCusker: “We just laughed.” ([25:35])

These interactions not only highlight the panelists' quick wit but also their chemistry, enhancing the overall entertainment value of Story Warz.

Closing Remarks

As the episode wraps up, Big Jay and Luis congratulate all participants, especially Louis J. Gomez, for his impressive win. The hosts encourage listeners to tune in for future episodes, promising more laughs, engaging stories, and the ever-present competitive spirit that defines Story Warz. The combination of personal anecdotes, playful deception, and unapologetic humor ensures that Episode 035 remains a memorable installment in the series.

Transcript

[Alex]

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[Big Jay Okerson]

Fill her up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Shane Gillis]

Ladies and gentlemen, live from the comedy mothership, it's Story wars with the story warriors Big Jay Okerson and Louis Jake Omez.

[Big Jay Okerson]

What's up everybody? Welcome to Story wars comedy mothership edition. We are your story warriors, Big J. Okerson and the Puerto Rican rattlesnake Louis J. Gomez.

[Shane Gillis]

How exciting? How exciting is this? You guys ready for a great show tonight? Everyone is excited except for these two right here. Look at their faces. They look like foreigners too. What is going on?

[Big Jay Okerson]

They look like foreign children. Are those your kids? Oh, that makes sense. Are you guys foreign?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Damn.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, your children are refugee faces. Nice. All right.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I don't believe they're from here still. They're just close to a border and her plane is straight. I would like a glass of water. Am I getting it? Honey.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm very excited about tonight's show. We have a fucking star studded lineup. This is it. We rarely come to Austin or any other place to do Story wars, so this is the first time we're ever here. So you guys are in for a crazy show tonight.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Crazy show, everybody. Is everybody here familiar with Story Wars?

[Shane Gillis]

Finally.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I like the sound of that.

[Shane Gillis]

Is there anybody not familiar with Story Wars? Just the kids.

[Big Jay Okerson]

The kids.

[Shane Gillis]

They're like, we don't know what foreign.

[Big Jay Okerson]

We don't have electricity. Where it come from. We wait for Lord Trump to bring electricity. We have an amazing. We have an amazing panel of guests, everybody. Let's get them up here. In no particular order. You know him. The credits they give are hilarious. You know him from Joey Rosa's sandwich shop. Currently on The Joystick Tour, 2025. Make some noise for the hilarious Joe Derosa. Tricky to rock around. To rock around.

[Shane Gillis]

That's right on time.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's tricky. It's tricky, tricky, tricky Tricky. It's tricky to rock around. To rock around. That's right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All time is tricky, tricky tricking.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I met this little girly. Her hair was cur early.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Went to a house and bust her out.

[Alex]

I had to leave you early.

[Shane Gillis]

And your next competitor. You know him from his amazing special Speed of light on YouTube and 1/2 of Matt and Shane secret podcast. Clap your hands for Matt McCusker. Three, two, one.

[Big Jay Okerson]

And last, but not well, leave room for God. Huh? Are you guys worried you're gonna gay off if you're too close to each other? You know someone's gonna be there eventually. Our third competitor, you know him from the show Tires on Netflix, his special beautiful dogs, and why not the other half of Matt and Shane's secret podcast, the great Shane G.

[Shane Gillis]

Jesus lamb. How exciting. Shane tried to bail on this five times today.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, you asked me to do it today.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's amazing that five times you still try to get out of it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I could be like you. Sure I don't have any fucking stories. Come up with five stories today in 10 minutes.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, we like to lay it on you quick and fast. If you're not familiar with story wars, and I think you all are, we'll explain the game very quickly. Everybody on this panel, including Lewis and I, have submitted three to five stories on one particular subject. Tonight's subject, Heat. Heat.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You see how hard that would be to come up with stories? Come up with five stories in an hour about heat.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's interpretive, though. You know, it could be heat, however you think of Heat.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, whatever Heat means to you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I know, I know, it's crazy. One of the things, one of the suggestions was Miami Heat. The basketball team.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Lewis just thought of things with the word heat in it to convince you.

[Shane Gillis]

The movie Heat.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Boy, this Heat. Alex, our lovely producer, will read off these stories one at a time. Again, no particular order. There can be back to backs. If it is your story, you're the only person who knows that it is your job to fool everybody else up here to think it's not your story. If it's not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is. Shane, pay attention.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, yeah. And for every story that you guess correctly, you get two points. For every person you fool, you get one point. Once you write the name on the board, put the board in this little slot and remove your. That's your final answer. You can't change it. It sounds very confusing for some people, especially the refugee children, but it is very easy. You'll Follow along. It's gonna be a great time. And Jay, tell them what we're playing for today.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh, and by the way, through show we make funny. Yes. You're never playing for nothing here at Story Wars. You're playing for a book from the Story wars library. Tonight's Winner gets the JavaScript pocket reference, third edition by O'Reilly Media. O'Reilly's JavaScript pocket reference is a useful quick referen, highlighting the language's syntax and standard functions. However, it's important to note the book's content covers JavaScript features only up to 2012, meaning newer standards like ES6 and beyond are not included. Ideal for maintaining legacy projects are foundational JavaScript knowledge, but not suitable if you're working with modern frameworks or contemporary coding patterns. Thank you, Roots. We'll be right back after this.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was playing Xbox. I was my game for this, for a fucking JavaScript.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Shane, by two stories in. You're gonna want this book. You don't even know why you're gonna want this book, but you're gonna want this fucking game.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I genuinely enjoy this.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Well, I guess if we're all ready.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's time for war, Alex. Story number one.

[Alex]

Story number one. When I was younger and it would get very hot outside, my ass would sweat so bad that it would rehydrate my crusted, poorly wiped asshole and any chair I sat in would immediately reek like shit. My friends nicknamed it the Vile Horrendous.

[Shane Gillis]

Jesus Christ.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You think Shane put that together as one of his five stories within an hour?

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, the screen's on. Thank God. It's a long story.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did. Did the person who wrote this include the commas?

[Big Jay Okerson]

That's a good question.

[Shane Gillis]

It's a great question.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That eliminates a couple of you and had friends when younger. That eliminates most of you. Can I get an answer on the commas?

[Shane Gillis]

She's actually not allowed to answer any questions.

[Matt McCusker]

They got to be part of it. There's no way they're punctuating.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Well. Well, Alex, we'll go in and change words that give things away and maybe even some grammar, I think, and possibly some punctuation.

[Matt McCusker]

I know who this is.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, I think that this is Big J or DeRosa.

[Matt McCusker]

Big J?

[Big Jay Okerson]

You think you've never heard that? I would.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I'm sorry.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Horrendous.

[Shane Gillis]

I meant. I meant Shane or Duro as a Big J's asshole. And from my personal experience, is extremely clean.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's never been vile. It's nor horrendous, much less vile. Horrendous.

[Shane Gillis]

He's got a. I would say this. And he's very. He has a lot of pride in having a squeaky clean asshole.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Joe loves a good, gross shit joke for sure. And so I can see Joe telling the story. And also, I think the sleeper might be McCusker on this one.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I got to say, McCusker usually talks about his ass. I do.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

But McCusker has a sweet, tight ass. There's no way that's his story.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's got an oil slick. Again, these are his words. But I've never heard him say, I'm more.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm more straightforward about my ass. So I'm more Hemingway on my ass. This is pretty worried.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Yeah, this is.

[Joe DeRosa]

This is. This is not. This can't be me. I'm the only man that wears presentable pants on this fucking stage. There's no way. The only man that wears pants that can't be referred to as dungarees on this stage right now.

[Matt McCusker]

That's to compensate for a messy ass.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, you think I'm overdoing it?

[Big Jay Okerson]

I think you wear lighter pants now because your ass would sweat in those dungarees and rehydrate your fucking crusty, poorly wiped asshole.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Somebody's nickname was the Vile Horrendous, and we've.

[Big Jay Okerson]

And we've never heard of it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I've never heard of this. No.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, I think the friends nicknamed the. The ass smell. The Vile Horrendous. Is that what it is?

[Joe DeRosa]

That's how I understood it.

[Shane Gillis]

That's how I understood it as well. I will say that I. I didn't wipe my ass great. When I was younger. I would. I was kind of a dirty, kind of gothic term.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It is gothic terms. I agree. That's what I was.

[Big Jay Okerson]

The Vile.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, I think it was.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You weren't a goth, though.

[Big Jay Okerson]

No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You morphed into.

[Shane Gillis]

Jay's. The only person who was. Who was not a goth when he was younger became.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Midlife Goth Crazy. I just saw the Cure for the first time last year. It's true.

[Joe DeRosa]

So funny.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I hated it.

[Joe DeRosa]

Sweetie. Daddy left and became a goth.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I'm leaving your mother to go be goth. Understand my moon worship.

[Shane Gillis]

The only person to ever become an. An adult goth. That's crazy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The wigger to goth pipeline. Very rare. But it's nice to see.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm. I. I think it's McCusker because you protest too much. Like, you really kind of deflected this pretty hard.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm pretty cool about it.

[Joe DeRosa]

And you. You look. You just look like you would smell like shit.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The beginning of this, I thought for sure Matt. Everything I heard about it was Matt and then the. The vile horrendous.

[Big Jay Okerson]

But I feel like that's true. You'd be playing on Matt's behalf right now, because I feel like you would know the vile horrendous.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I wouldn't do that. That I'm here to win. I want that JavaScript. True.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Right? But if you can get us to not go for Matt and then you slide in for Matt at the end.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I didn't even think about that.

[Big Jay Okerson]

See, that's what a liar would say.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm gonna start. I'm gonna start the voting. I, I, I. You guys are sort of convincing me that it's Matt, but I'm gonna go with my original instinct, which is always right. Joe deroza.

[Big Jay Okerson]

We only have one pen, all right?

[Shane Gillis]

Do we not have another pen?

[Joe DeRosa]

You came here to hurt me?

[Big Jay Okerson]

God damn it.

[Shane Gillis]

Did you drop your pen, J?

[Big Jay Okerson]

No.

[Joe DeRosa]

Here, Jay. No Sharpies, no fucking.

[Shane Gillis]

We have another one. Bring it over, Alex. And turn the screen off.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Hey, on your way over here, turn the fucking screen off. Let's get these lights way dim.

[Shane Gillis]

Joe DeRosa is my final answer.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm with you on this one. I'm going Joey Rose's Sandwich shop now with hot sandwiches.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's not true.

[Big Jay Okerson]

We don't have hot sandwiches for a limited time. Only hot sandwiches.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm sticking with what I said. I think it's McCusker. He looks like a devious little.

[Big Jay Okerson]

This could be McCusker.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm going big J. First instinct.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'll go Lewis.

[Shane Gillis]

Ooh, there's. Oh, we're back at the. The basketball game all over again right now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You'd bring that up.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Can I have a Bud Light?

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Shane, I understand. You are the constable of Bud Light. Am I allowed to.

[Shane Gillis]

Alex, all of our answers are in.

[Alex]

Story number one belongs to Joe deroza.

[Shane Gillis]

You disgusting piece of.

[Joe DeRosa]

I am the vile horrendous.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You are the village. I am the vile horrendous.

[Joe DeRosa]

I sent my stories to Alex while I was sitting in a food court today eating Bourbon chicken. And as I typed that out, I was laughing so fucking hard I looked like a lunatic. Yeah, that's true. I used to not wipe my ass properly my freshman year in college.

[Big Jay Okerson]

And what I until this moment, pictured this story was a 10 year old.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, no.

[Big Jay Okerson]

And I thought a 10 year old. Like you were embarrassed because at that point you should be wiping your ass correctly.

[Joe DeRosa]

She took out the freshman Year in college. Part, I think, to protect me. But I threw it right back in there. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And then.

[Joe DeRosa]

And my friend Dan would. Would walk to the chair after I sat in it and smell like that. He would go like this. He would go, oh, God. Like that. It was so bad. And then he would call it the vile horrendous.

[Shane Gillis]

Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And did he ever try to kiss you? He was like, that's an old joke we play. I sniff his underwear.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I sniff his fart chairs prank.

[Joe DeRosa]

But I fixed it. It doesn't happen anymore.

[Shane Gillis]

Good.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I Hope you were 19 when it happened.

[Joe DeRosa]

17. I went to college young.

[Big Jay Okerson]

17. Damn.

[Shane Gillis]

Wow.

[Matt McCusker]

He would sniff your seat.

[Joe DeRosa]

Just to prove that I was not. Cause eventually I wasn't allowed to sit in any chairs in their dorm room. And I would have to sit on the floor. And then I'd get mad at him like, you're a dick. And he would be like, okay, sit in the chair. And then I'd get up and it would be the vile horrendous.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You had chronic shit.

[Joe DeRosa]

So here's the best part.

[Big Jay Okerson]

That's crazy at that age.

[Joe DeRosa]

Here's the best part. I got it under control and I fixed it, but.

[Big Jay Okerson]

What's under control? Just wipe till there's no more brown.

[Joe DeRosa]

I don't know. I had a hairy ass.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I don't know the thing. It's like, I have to get a handle on this. Just stop stopping early. Stop. Stop wiping.

[Joe DeRosa]

You ever not wipe hard enough and you think you're done, but then you go in for a deep scoop and you're like, oh, I'm not done at all.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

You check me.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes.

[Big Jay Okerson]

No, there's. I'm there.

[Shane Gillis]

There's been times where I've been wiping my ass, and I eventually just give up. I'm like, you know what? I'm just dealing with the shitty. Yeah. I don't have the time for this.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I'll miss. I've missed things because there's still a dot of brown. When I am three knuckles deep up my own asshole, I still won't accept it. I want to be clean. Yeah. I need to be. Yeah. Keep the palms warm so they hit my nut. If you go really deep, you get the nuts.

[Joe DeRosa]

Gloves used to have fingers disintegrated.

[Big Jay Okerson]

They're all lost.

[Shane Gillis]

I think I speak for everyone when I say that this story makes me very sad inside. It just kind of bums me out that that happened in the world.

[Joe DeRosa]

How do you think it makes sense?

[Big Jay Okerson]

That means you didn't wipe your ass at all through High school.

[Joe DeRosa]

But no, here's.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Here's the best.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Can I say something? I got a feeling this also has nothing to do with Heat. And it was a year round issue and you shoehorned it into the Heat show.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Shane, you're absolutely right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude. Heat is up for interpretation.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Interpretation.

[Joe DeRosa]

It was a hard topic to come up with stories for.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Look at the shoehorn, by the way. Look at the shoehorn. In hindsight, when I was younger, it would get very hot outside. Oh, everybody. Yes. When I was younger, they would add that line. There's something called summers.

[Shane Gillis]

You could add that line to the beginning of any story and make it a story.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Very hot outside. My father would beat the shit out of me. He also did it in the winter, but also in the heat.

[Joe DeRosa]

Here's the end of the story. So I did get it under control and it stopped happening. But it really hurt me when this would happen. It hurt me. It killed me that this happened. I was very embarrassed and disgusted with myself, but I got it under control. Two years later in school, a buddy of mine, I won't say his name, he had the vial Horrendous and my friends noticed it and I immediately turned on him and nicknamed him Poop seat and just put all my pain onto him. And he hated me for it. He fucking hated me. Yeah.

[Big Jay Okerson]

The vile Horrendous is going to become a thing. Alex, what do our scores look like after one round?

[Alex]

All right, on the scoreboard with two points each, Lewis J. Gomez, Big J okerson and Joe Derosa.

[Shane Gillis]

Okay, let's take a quick moment and thank yocratum.com for supporting today's show. Yo Kratom, the marketing sponsor for all the things here at the GAS Digital Network. Marketing sponsors for Skank Fest and overall, just great dudes who love great comedy. If you're in the market for Kratom already, we're not saying get involved with Kratom and use Kratom.

[Big Jay Okerson]

We're just so good though.

[Shane Gillis]

If you're, if you like to get noise, you got like.

[Big Jay Okerson]

If you like your pain going away, try it.

[Shane Gillis]

Why not? A lot of our friends have used Kratom and have had amazing benefits. Yokratom.com their home of the $60 kilo.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, well, all the things change in the world. One thing that never changed stays consistent through pandemics and presidential changes. $60 kilos, 2.2 pounds of kratom right to your door. Lab tested high quality, right to your doorstep. Kratom. Can you beat that? If you're gonna Get Kratom. Get it from yocratum.com home of the $60 kilo. All right, let's get back into it. All right, Alex, story number two.

[Alex]

Story number two. My friend and I put insanely spicy hot sauce under the cheese of one slice of a pizza and then shared the pie with roommates without telling them.

[Joe DeRosa]

Listen, we don't even need to skip to the this has asshole shade written fucking over it.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Of course.

[Joe DeRosa]

God damn it.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Look how he's laughing.

[Joe DeRosa]

He's still laughing at his own prank. You scumbag.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You're picturing that kid right now, Eyes tearing up, insanely spicy hot sauce.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, Shane really was tickled by that story. If it wasn't him, it might be.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Why him and McCusker are in love. Because McCusker has this story.

[Shane Gillis]

It could be McCusker's as well. McCusker, are you a prankster?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Not really.

[Matt McCusker]

Not really?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No.

[Matt McCusker]

Not a huge prank. I've done it before, obviously, but he's.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Tried pranks, I don't think.

[Matt McCusker]

Done pranks on people.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I don't think Lewis ever lived with roommates you'd share pizza with.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't think big Js.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It was like your. It was like your weed dealer's, like, mother or grandmother at one point.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't think Jay would ever share a pizza now.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Not if I wasn't.

[Joe DeRosa]

If it was Lewis, it would say we put hot sauce under one slice of paella because you're a Mexican or something. Something like that. You're one of those things.

[Shane Gillis]

Paella.

[Joe DeRosa]

I don't know.

[Shane Gillis]

Joe is reaching right now because he's still embarrassed about a shitty. That's what's happening, right?

[Big Jay Okerson]

He's doing the thing again. He's putting it all on you, and now you're gonna hate him for it. It let me sniff your chair. Dude, don't you kind of want to sniff Joe's chair and see if he really has it under control?

[Matt McCusker]

Sniff.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Alex, you should have put that story way later. Joey. Joe's story is something that's very difficult to follow with a pizza prank.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yep. This is Shane hazing a freshman kid.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. You gave him a wedgie. And it's not me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Me.

[Shane Gillis]

Shane. Shane, you're a prankster, though. You'll pull. You. You'll pull some pranks.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's not me.

[Joe DeRosa]

The reason it might not be Shane is because the last part didn't say, and then I threatened to punch him if he wouldn't eat it.

[Shane Gillis]

Shane, who do you think it is.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's Matt.

[Shane Gillis]

I didn't do that. You think it's Matt?

[Big Jay Okerson]

It might be Matt.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm not a big prankster but you.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Said you have done pranks.

[Matt McCusker]

I have. I'm not a huge prank prankster.

[Shane Gillis]

Matt, are you planning on. Is your strategy on tonight's show to. To lie to us? Are you keeping it all honest?

[Matt McCusker]

I'm keeping it honest, bro.

[Shane Gillis]

Shane voted right away.

[Big Jay Okerson]

That doesn't mean anything.

[Matt McCusker]

Are you. You're recording this? I don't want to lie. Come back to haunt me.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Christ, I don't know. This is a tough one.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm buying the shame.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's matter shame.

[Shane Gillis]

It also could be derosa again. 2. Two derosas in a row would be a fun little way to start the show.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If Matt ever told this story. I don't think he has ever told me this.

[Big Jay Okerson]

So let me say before we all.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Say this, that's probably fucking the vile horrendous again.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Let's talk about this kind of prank. I will say a full curtain pole in the green room here at the mothership. Lewis tricked Alex into huffing.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, hold on. Did you guys tell him what I did? I didn't just. I was like, Alex, I took a can of. What is it called? Smelling salt.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Smelling salt.

[Shane Gillis]

I was like, hey Alex, check out this really dank weed. Give it a whif. And then she put her nose directly into the jar and went. Because she loves weed so much, she really wanted to feel it. And she cried.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Damn, she cried. She really went through something for about 20 minutes.

[Joe DeRosa]

Well, Alex, how did you that you couldn't get a whiff before your nose was inside the jar?

[Alex]

It was so fasted him.

[Big Jay Okerson]

She made mistake number one. She trusted Lewis. Possibly like this kid that he was living with. They're voting for each other. All right, I'm going. My first instinct was Shane. I'm going Shane.

[Shane Gillis]

My first instinct was Shane too. But I think that his. His laugh was because he was imagining Matt do it. I'm gonna go with Matt. I think Matt is lying to my face right on this show. And we're gonna find out a lot about Matt McCusker right now if he lied to us. Because I've always trusted you. Matt McCusker. Final answer.

[Matt McCusker]

You ask me.

[Shane Gillis]

No, Alex, all of our stories are written.

[Matt McCusker]

Leave it to the judges.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Matt McCuster.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

You lying son of a. That's the way you're going to play it.

[Matt McCusker]

I apologize.

[Joe DeRosa]

Why were you laughing so hard?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Cuz I knew it was.

[Shane Gillis]

It.

[Joe DeRosa]

God damn it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Maybe laugh to follow the horrendous, vile story with spicy pizza.

[Shane Gillis]

Matt, how did you did it up your roommate? Were they mad?

[Matt McCusker]

It rocked him. Yeah. Because he didn't know what was going on. We were all just sit. We were like 21. We're sitting there eating pizza, and out of nowhere it was like that. That's like. Like a bazillion Scovilles. So just out of nowhere, how'd you.

[Big Jay Okerson]

How'd you feed him the slice? Like, how'd you get it?

[Matt McCusker]

Like kind of Russian roulette at the back. Guy and I kind of had an idea was on that half, so I took mine. It was a bunch of people. And then I w. We watched him take it. Me and someone else knew. And then I just watched him slowly just kind of start sweating. And he had, like a spicy panic attack. He just sat there and was just like, it really. When it's that spicy and it hits you, it like goes to your head. So, yeah, we just all laughed.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's a great night. Al, our scores.

[Alex]

All right. On the scoreboard, with two points each, Big J Okerson, Joe Deroza, Matt McCusker, and Shane Gillis. In the lead with four points. Lewis J. Gomez.

[Shane Gillis]

Is this guy dressed like Big J. That's hilarious. He. He colored the front of his hair and he's got fingerless gloves on. Yeah, dude, he's cosplaying. Big J Okerson.

[Matt McCusker]

He'S bounding. I think he's bounding right now.

[Big Jay Okerson]

All right, Alex, story number three.

[Alex]

Story number three. I went swimming in the ocean in Florida. Just when I started having fun, I felt something strange on my leg. Turns out they were tangled in police crime scene tape.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say Shane. Cause this story sucks. And he just needed to come up with something about a hot place.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, no, it's not me.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Son of a bitch. Mm. Okay. I mean, Louis, you'll go in the ocean vacations, but you don't go to Florida.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I've been to Florida multiple times for vacations. Yeah, a couple times.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Have you swam in the ocean in Florida?

[Shane Gillis]

Yes, I have. You just gotta ask the next question. Did you feel police crime tape?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Did you end up feeling police crime scene tape?

[Shane Gillis]

No, I did not.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I believe you go on vacation where that happened.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Okerson]

And you yelled at the story sucks right away, which is a real throw off.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, usually my stories suck. You're right.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Don't be that guy. Because all my stories suck.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's a tough one.

[Big Jay Okerson]

This one did feel like Shane right away.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No way. The vile horrendous was followed up with something.

[Shane Gillis]

Is Shane's mic off?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think it has been the entire entire time.

[Shane Gillis]

No, this is very low. Give him a little volume.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Nope.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah. Hey, Vile horrendous testing. Vile pig. Horrendous pig.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Testing. One pig, too.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Can we give a little more juice to Shan's mic, please?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Or any.

[Joe DeRosa]

God, that's a. This is a. Really.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Because there's no personality in this story.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

So that makes it really tough.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Joe, is it you?

[Joe DeRosa]

What?

[Shane Gillis]

Well, you don't have a personality.

[Big Jay Okerson]

This guy's all personality.

[Joe DeRosa]

Well, I saw police tape. I assumed you.

[Shane Gillis]

Come on.

[Joe DeRosa]

But you weren't involved in the crime in the story anyway. I don't know, man. I'm just. When there's no personality in this, you know? You don't fucking know. You know. Yeah, sorry, I thought this was a back and forth.

[Big Jay Okerson]

He gave you nothing.

[Joe DeRosa]

Joe, Glad to be here doing your pod.

[Shane Gillis]

You pray.

[Joe DeRosa]

Netflix picks up as a TV show. Jesus Christ. I have one more friend. Put a gimmick podcast on me. It's all about hats. You wear a funny hat. You tell. Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Joe, why don't you plug your podcast right now?

[Joe DeRosa]

We'll see you in hell. We watch movies.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's not a gimmick. Go ahead.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, it's not a gimmick. We don't have guests either. I don't put the burden on my friends. We just do it ourselves.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I didn't know vile, horrendous was gonna be so nasty.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Wow. Vile, Horrendous.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You really are vile and horrendous. You big. So turning on them. They've been nothing but nice.

[Joe DeRosa]

So vile. So horrendous.

[Big Jay Okerson]

So vile and yet so horrendous.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm gonna. I'm say Shane, because of the pressure to get stories. Stories.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's not me.

[Matt McCusker]

No.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm going Lewis. Lewis has been looking weird the whole time.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It could be Lewis.

[Shane Gillis]

Maybe. Maybe I. But maybe not.

[Big Jay Okerson]

But I talk people out of Lewis too much and it ends up being Lewis.

[Matt McCusker]

So you took a sip immediately after it was red, which is also a move.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, Jay doesn't swim in the ocean, I'll say that. But this could be the reason he doesn't swim in the ocean anymore. Also, Jay doesn't take vacations.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Changes my vote.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I'm going Lewis.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You sure he doesn't go in the ocean?

[Shane Gillis]

Jay does not. Jay will not go on the ocean. He'll go In a pool, he'll do flips. That's his old water thing.

[Matt McCusker]

True.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I like pools. I like doing flips and pools. It's fair. Not into the pool, like in the pool. Underwater.

[Shane Gillis]

The house that he bought the pool was only three and a half feet deep. So we had to dig it deeper so we could do flips.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, it's four foot eight and they go. They go. It's nice. It's nice sized pool. I said I can't do flips. I'll scratch my back. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Also goths can't go in the ocean. You'll start having fun. The whole thing just.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Just so you guys know, I'm up to four. Four flips in a row underwater.

[Matt McCusker]

That's kind of sick.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's fat man's roller coaster. Nobody could ever tell you you can't ride that. Ride a pool. I can flip in a pool. They can't stop me going, Louis, Shane.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I guess Lewis J. It is not me.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's a hundred percent.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's either Derosa the pig or Lewis.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, it's a hundred percent you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's not me.

[Joe DeRosa]

There's a telling.

[Matt McCusker]

If this is him, it'll be very.

[Shane Gillis]

Shane Gillis is my vote.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's Lewis. He's showboating with the waves. It's Louis.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Alex. All of our stories are in.

[Alex]

Wow. That story. Everyone belongs to Big Jersey.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I had it.

[Shane Gillis]

It was the reason he hates the ocean.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I had.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Reaffirmed why I hate the ocean. That's for sure.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Damn. You talked me out of that, Louis. I had Jay written.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm sorry. He did a great job. Jay's getting better with this technique. You know, he's only won three out of 35, three out of 30 games.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Really?

[Big Jay Okerson]

I'm three and 30 is my record. It's crazy how bad I am at this. So I have to write stories with no personality. Yeah. Our old friend Rob Mayo, we just got off shiprocked and we had to spend a night at a hotel. There was on the beach and he was like, come on, Come in the. What could go wrong? I go, I just hate the ocean. It's gross.

[Shane Gillis]

And he was like, I hate Rob Mayu. He's gross.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Right? And then I put both of those together. Yeah. But yeah, I went in the ocean. And right when I did style, I was like, you know what? The waves are coming and we're jumping in the waves and we're having fun. And I felt some of my leg. It felt like hair almost. And then I got to the shell, and I was surrounded in police tape wrapped all around me. A crime scene tape.

[Joe DeRosa]

It turned you on a little bit.

[Big Jay Okerson]

No, it makes me hate the ocean. Stupid Miami. That's a lot of points for me.

[Shane Gillis]

Yep.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Damn.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shit.

[Matt McCusker]

Second game. Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

Alex, where's our score at?

[Alex]

On the scoreboard tied with two points each, Joe Deroza, Shane Gillis, and Matt McCusker. With four points, Lewis J. Gomez. And in the lead with six points, Big Jay Okerson.

[Big Jay Okerson]

That felt great.

[Shane Gillis]

All right, let's take a moment and thank Sheath underwear for supporting today's show. She's Underwear, another longtime sponsor of all of our shows. They make the best underwear on the goddamn planet. They have. It's dual pouch technology.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Separate your dick and balls. But I'll say this. I wore them for a long time without using the pouch. And maybe say I lost a little bit of weight, but I really enjoyed it. I really enjoy fucking that little hole for my wiener.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it feels like you're having sex with your underwear. Nothing's better.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's like your underwear is giving you a forefinger and thumbs base hand job.

[Shane Gillis]

It's pretty nice.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's pretty nice.

[Shane Gillis]

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[Big Jay Okerson]

It keeps you. And I mean this half hard all day long. It's awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

Premium fabrics like bamboo and mesh for even more cooling benefits. And we're going to give you a pretty amazing discount right now. If you go to sheath underwear.com and use the promo code wars with a Z, you're going to get 20% off your entire order today. Once again, that's sheath underwear dot com. Use that promo code wars with a Z for 20% off. All right, where were we?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Story number four.

[Alex]

Story number four. I went to Jamaica and fought with my girlfriend over the age.

[Joe DeRosa]

I mean, well, if Lewis didn't post pictures.

[Shane Gillis]

Hold on. Finish the story. I mean, finish the story.

[Alex]

I went to Jamaica and fought with my girlfriend over the age of Brian Laundrie.

[Shane Gillis]

Could be anyone. Guys, I know it seems like me. So all I do is I go to Jamaica and I fight with my girlfriends. It's sort of like my thing, but I swear to God this one's not me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Swear to God.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Who's.

[Matt McCusker]

Who's Brian Laundry?

[Shane Gillis]

Brian Laundry is the guy Who? I have no idea.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How old was he?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Jesus.

[Joe DeRosa]

Lewis.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Lewis.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That was pretty good, Matt.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Really? Lewis. Guys, wait. You're locked in now.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, my bad, my bad.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, you're locked in. I mean, hang on, hang on, hang on. You guys are crazy.

[Joe DeRosa]

We gotta go through this charade.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Let's get to.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's go.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Lewis has the best record in the game. Lewis knows how to play the game. Now he could be hiding right in plain sight, but this could be. Everybody over there started voting who voted first. It's someone trying to throw. They fucking know Jamaica and fighting with girlfriend is gonna make everyone think you.

[Shane Gillis]

Somebody's playing a high level story wars right now. I'm letting you know. And Jay, you're right. I'm letting you know it's not me. I already know who it is. God damn it, Jay. What are you doing? You guys. You fool.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Fuck that.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh. Oh. You guys are idiots.

[Matt McCusker]

I forgot you went.

[Shane Gillis]

You just let somebody over there rack up all these points.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Don't play with house money, dog.

[Shane Gillis]

So I'll tell you right now, it wasn't me. The person who did this was playing a very smart game. And I. I'm making a real guess here, but I. Earlier today I did Matt and Shane's podcast and Shane talked about how he enjoys Jamaican resorts. So I'm assuming that Shane has been to Jamaica. I'm assuming that he does fight hot girlfriend. No, no, because she's way too hot for him.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Before my success, she was ugly.

[Shane Gillis]

My final guess, and I think I have it right, is Shane Gillis.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You got me.

[Shane Gillis]

Alex, make it official.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Shane Gillis.

[Joe DeRosa]

What the. What the.

[Shane Gillis]

You idiots. You idiots.

[Matt McCusker]

That was my bad.

[Shane Gillis]

You think I'd be that obvious?

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes, my bad. 100%.

[Big Jay Okerson]

1,000 times yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, there's not too much of a story. It was pretty funny. The girl, I, She. She had a drinking issue and we were out at this. It was like the nicest. So I went to this resort as a kid with like my rich aunt and all uncle. And I was like, someday when I get enough money, I'm gonna go back to this place. Took me 30 years. I finally got back and I was like, I'm gonna bring this girl. We had the nicest time. And then. But at night she would drink a little and out of nowhere she'd be like, you. And I was like, you're ruining the drift.

[Shane Gillis]

You don't know Brian. Laundry age.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That is exactly what happened. We're sitting at a table, an outdoor beautiful like a candlelit Restaurant on the beach while the sun's going down. We're having a nice time. That I know where. We were talking about Gabby Patino, Brian Laundrie. And she was like, you don't even know how old he was, you motherfucker. And walked back to the room.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, no.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And she. This was how bad she was at it. She started walking and I was like, you for real? Can't make that up. And try to fight me on that. And she started laughing and sat back down and then found a fight and then left. But originally it was over Brian Long.

[Joe DeRosa]

And an interesting detail. That woman. Gentlemen, Joy Behar.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The true, vile, horrendous Joy Behar.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh my.

[Shane Gillis]

Very well played. And you knew you were gonna throw that on me and throw everyone off.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

And Shane was the first person who guessed too. He just started the guessing.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was.

[Matt McCusker]

I guess that was my fault. I should. I'm gonna play a lot more tests.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It would have worked a lot better if you didn't pretend you didn't know Brian Laundrie like that.

[Shane Gillis]

No, that was.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That really sold it.

[Shane Gillis]

That was a beautiful movie.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was a great joke.

[Shane Gillis]

You know what? What? Yeah, I. I like getting laugh sometimes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You went for the laughs. You got greedy. That's why you're a pig. That's why you're one of the all time.

[Big Jay Okerson]

A vile, horrendous.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, Alex.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Our scores.

[Alex]

All right. On the scoreboard, with two points each, Joe Deroza and Matt McCusker. With five points, Shane Gillispie. And tied for the lead, the story warriors, Louis J. Gomez and Big J Okerson.

[Shane Gillis]

That's right.

[Big Jay Okerson]

We want it. We want it. We want to keep it home.

[Shane Gillis]

You think we're going to lose in front of Joe Rogan? It's not happening.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Especially O'Reilly's JavaScript Pocket Reference. While compact and straightforward, JavaScript Pocket Reference by O'Reilly efficiently outlines JavaScript basics, object handling and common APIs. A must have pocket sized resource. Readers should be aware that the coverage extends only up to JavaScript of 2012 developers seeking up to date information on newer JavaScript features. And I can't stress this enough. Introduced after ES5 and ES6 will need supplementary resources to bridge the knowledge gap into Java today.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Do you have this?

[Joe DeRosa]

Somebody's going to win this book. Book this book. And 30 years from now they're going to have a Citizen Kane moment where somebody in their house is going to go, where did this book come from? And they're going to go sit down.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, we've reached our halfway Point we're four stories in. Me and Big J are in the lead at this time. We, we, we take a moment to just do some quick plugs. So Matt, what are you plugging, my friend?

[Matt McCusker]

Just my standup shows. Matt McCusker.com Hell yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Hell yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Y Hell yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shane tires Season 2 should be. Should be the first week of June. We'll see. I don't know. Or do I?

[Joe DeRosa]

Joey Tire Season 2 and no for real.

[Big Jay Okerson]

No. I worked on it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's not funny.

[Joe DeRosa]

I worked on it. They thought I was being a dick. They thought I was being a vile, horrendous.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I know.

[Joe DeRosa]

On tour now [e-mail] all through the summer into the fall. Joey Roses and NYC come through if you're there. Joeyroses.com and my non gimmicky podcast will see you in. Hell yeah. I thought that was gonna get a laugh.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Big J. Bigjay comedy.com for all my dates. Tires season two.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, tires. Oh.

[Shane Gillis]

They'Ll never have me on Netflix.

[Big Jay Okerson]

First half of my double crowd work special them is out. They the second part coming out 420 very excited to bring that to you guys. Listen to Bonfire and of course the fucking legendary Legion of Skanks right here on gay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I did not see that coming.

[Shane Gillis]

You know guys, there's a lot of other shows on Netflix you could watch. Just gonna put that out there. A lot of shows on Netflix. You don't have to watch Tires. Come see me live. I'm going everywhere in, in in April. I'll be in Philly and I'll be in Nashville. We're doing four story where's live for the Nashville Comedy Festival at the beginning of April and then also at the end of the month, I will be in San Diego. Go to my website, LewisGangs.com for all the touring information. If you guys love this show. The uncensored ad free version of the show is available exclusively on Gas Digital. There's an on demand library with probably a dozen shows that aren't available on YouTube or anywhere else at this point and you get a. You get access to the live chat and it's a lot of fun. So go subscribe to Gas Digital, use that promo code war and obviously check out all my other podcasts, Legion of Skanks, the Regs and the Lewis and Zach show.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Now, Matt, Joe, you guys are feeling pretty low probably right now. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. You seem like you're down and out, but I promise you you're not. Because to mix things up over here at Story wars, our final four stories goes dou.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Holy.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Thank you, Quest, Love and the Boys. So whereas before, if you fooled somebody and it was your story, you get one point. If you guess the right story, you get two points. Now it's double points.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes. You're so happy.

[Shane Gillis]

Look at that. Look at their double point shirts.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Double point.

[Shane Gillis]

G Mike, where were you?

[Joe DeRosa]

Up.

[Shane Gillis]

Jesus Christ. G. Mike.

[Big Jay Okerson]

God damn it.

[Shane Gillis]

One more time. G. Mike, One more time.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Story number five.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Here we go.

[Alex]

Story number five. I microwaved a turd in a cup and hid it between someone's computer towers in their room.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I mean, this has derosa viral horrendous all over.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Everything the vile horrendous touches is slopped, Mr. One of the all time bigs.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Dare I say this reeks of the vile horrendous. I am the vile horrendous.

[Joe DeRosa]

God, I love shit.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, this is truly vile and horrendous.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You know, the Rosa loves shit. One of my favorite stories of all time. Back in we had to share hotel rooms days, it was me, Joe and Kareem Green, who's black. And Joe came out of the shower naked. Cause this would make me laugh half and then spread his butt cheeks and walked over to me and Kareem. Kareem was not enjoying it. And then Joe tried to push out a fart and instead a little turd nugget.

[Shane Gillis]

What?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh my God.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Was it hot out? You should have wrote that.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Was it hot outside?

[Joe DeRosa]

It's a little remnant of the vile horrendous.

[Shane Gillis]

The vile horrendous strikes again.

[Big Jay Okerson]

The ongoing adventures of the vile horrendous.

[Joe DeRosa]

Another time in a hotel. Me and two of my boys were sharing a hotel room in Atlantic City to gamble one night and I went into the bathroom to take my shower first and I shit into the soap dish and just left it next to the sink and just walked out like nothing was happening. And my buddy went into the bathroom and heard him go, come on, dog.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, he shit have fought you.

[Big Jay Okerson]

He was man.

[Joe DeRosa]

He wouldn't talk to me the rest of the night.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I would never be again.

[Big Jay Okerson]

One time me and Joe did crazy. One time. One time me and Joe did backto back night gigs where we had the same hotel room. And Joe left me in the hotel room a a coffee mug of his own. So for all those reasons we just heard I'm putting Joe DeRoza down this goddamn thing.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it must be Joe DeRozan.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is horrendous.

[Joe DeRosa]

You think so?

[Big Jay Okerson]

That's what they want you to think.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I think it's Joe. It could be Shane though.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shane also I would literally never in a million years do this.

[Shane Gillis]

Shane. You're, you're.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I would never do.

[Shane Gillis]

You're a real prankster. When you were in college or something you might. You told the story of the last story wars about your buddy on top of the somebody else. It was somebody else.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I think. I think better than you for I don't think.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, thanks. I had a friend.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah but this is definitely in a.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dorito bag and hit it on top of my dresser.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh that's great.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I of course Joe's classic.

[Joe DeRosa]

He cool ranched you, dude.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Now here's the funniest part. I was not that I'm not now but I was a big fella back then and I said, oh, chips now. Thankfully I went for the test. I patted the bag first and I was like that's that smell. It was just a nice college football prank.

[Matt McCusker]

How long was it there for?

[Louis J. Gomez]

About a day.

[Joe DeRosa]

Is this poster, is this post clear? Dorito bag.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Remember when Doritos had the clear window on the front?

[Joe DeRosa]

That have been great.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Joe. Joe loves this too much outwardly.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean I'm just killing time at this point. We all know it's Joe.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's not me.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Simple.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Who are you voting for? Let's hear this lie.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'll tell you who I'm going to vote.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's just watch him lie.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, I'll tell you who I'm gonna vote for. Mr. Fucking Dorm Room pranks over here.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You think it's me because his pizza.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Prank, he doesn't do.

[Matt McCusker]

That's too far. That's too far. Poop's too far.

[Shane Gillis]

Pizza.

[Matt McCusker]

That's a classic prank.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Pizza's funny.

[Matt McCusker]

Pizza's classic.

[Big Jay Okerson]

There is.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh wait, it doesn't say college dorm room. It just says their room.

[Shane Gillis]

Joe fucking bad acting right now, huh? That's a shitty acting Joe. How'd you get a fucking acting gig out?

[Joe DeRosa]

You know what, Lewis?

[Shane Gillis]

You know what?

[Joe DeRosa]

I think this was you. I think you put a little fucking hot tamale in a cup.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He was near a computer tower.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, it wasn't his.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

And Lewis is obsessed with people that have money. So he's like, well, I'm gonna be friends with this kid that has two computer towers.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You tiny, you toss it.

[Joe DeRosa]

And then to level the playing field. To level the playing field. To level the playing field because you didn't like his money and his privilege, you put a cup of shit between his nice computer powers.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm obsessed with people who have money. You're just making up facts right now.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, no, no, no. You love money. I've seen your Instagram pics. You can't go across the street without taking pictures of you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The vile horrendous just lashes out.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You've woken up the vile horrendous.

[Joe DeRosa]

You love posting vacation pics.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What did I tell you?

[Shane Gillis]

I love shitting in the microwave.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, but you would. Like a kid that had two computer towers that would really turn you on.

[Big Jay Okerson]

That's right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And then this is the bio horrendous lashing out.

[Big Jay Okerson]

And then your envy kicks in and you're like, I'm gonna Show this to 2 Computer Heaven by dropping a hot.

[Shane Gillis]

Fat Joe DeRozo with a piece of underneath him. Joe is stretching.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's you. It's you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was Matt.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, no.

[Big Jay Okerson]

He knows, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

He knows.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, I don't like this. You guys can't play together, man.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shut the up, you whiny horrendous.

[Matt McCusker]

I didn't say a word the whole time.

[Joe DeRosa]

He said, there's no way he would do this.

[Matt McCusker]

Huh?

[Joe DeRosa]

God.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, you can't believe that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shut up. Whiny.

[Shane Gillis]

Her hand.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is story woes.

[Matt McCusker]

I didn't talk the whole. And it wasn't you, because you were just, like, going with it. Like, you wouldn't have done that if you actually did that. But I don't want to point that out.

[Shane Gillis]

Alex, make it official.

[Alex]

That was Matt McCuskel.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude.

[Matt McCusker]

It was. It was. We did have, like, a. In my college dorm, we had, like, a prank war that went on for way too long. And I. I. That was like, the bomb on Hiroshima. I just.

[Shane Gillis]

I just.

[Matt McCusker]

I like shit in a cup, which is bad enough. And I was like, what would happen if I took the, like, community microwave and microwaved it? Took it to the next level, which I. I did. I think I got rid of that microwave because that would have been a not food safe certified, so. And then I just, like, hit it behind there. It was two people in their dorm. I put it behind. There was only one computer tower. That was a typo. But there was. I put it behind there.

[Shane Gillis]

But there was.

[Matt McCusker]

There was this little fan that, like, kicks on. So I just, like, left. And the one dude went in and took a nap and then woke up was like, oh, my. And they thought they were like, I think the pipes run diagonally through the wall. Like, it's a broken pipe. And then we took it out and it went away and we put it back in.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Matt, I know we don't know each other very well, but it hurt me so much when I just thought back when he said it was you, that you went too far. No, too far. I was like, I believe that. I just took it at face value.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You get to know Matt, he's also a vile, horrendous. He's cleaned his act up, but it's deep in there.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You never fully lose the vile, horrendous.

[Shane Gillis]

Alex, where are our points?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Flying dormant for years.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's like tremors, worms.

[Matt McCusker]

That was a big one. That was a big one.

[Joe DeRosa]

I mean, you just sweat. You just swept up, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh my God, that's right. Because it's double points.

[Matt McCusker]

That was a big one.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It should be a show on tv. This is so good you guys got. You guys, you're good looking.

[Shane Gillis]

Alex, Alex, where are points at on the scoreboard?

[Alex]

In last place with two points, change his name to Joa. Tied for third place with six points each, the Story Warriors.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, that was cheap.

[Shane Gillis]

They knew each other's stories. Jay, we need to start cheating for each other.

[Alex]

In second place with eight points, Matt McCusker.

[Joe DeRosa]

Huge.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Just like that.

[Alex]

In the lead with nine points, Shane Gillis.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Double points.

[Shane Gillis]

Double points.

[Joe DeRosa]

I don't like it.

[Shane Gillis]

Wait a minute. Also, are you dressed like me? God damn it.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh, that's cool.

[Shane Gillis]

They came dressed like us.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I like that. I don't.

[Joe DeRosa]

Wait, how is he dressed like?

[Big Jay Okerson]

I don't even. What?

[Shane Gillis]

Cuz I have that hat and I used to wear.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Guys.

[Shane Gillis]

That'S Dave Smith. Oh, there.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Take your glasses.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nice.

[Shane Gillis]

What if it was actually just Dave? We won't include him on the show.

[Big Jay Okerson]

And here's the fourth guy, our coach. Look at this.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's me. What's up, dog? Looking good.

[Joe DeRosa]

God damn it.

[Shane Gillis]

Galaxy. Time for story number six.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Derosa. I'm writing it now.

[Joe DeRosa]

I gotta be honest, I thought that last story was me. I became convinced.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Funny when that happens, isn't it? It's funny when that happens.

[Shane Gillis]

We all just on derosa. We're like, you piece of. You. You scumbag.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Do you everywhere you go, can you hang out with a friend and not.

[Joe DeRosa]

Son of a. Goddamn.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Goddamn.

[Joe DeRosa]

Down there with his dad from Family Ties head. And nobody would have guessed it was him. Son of a.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Shane.

[Joe DeRosa]

You even said to me in the green room, I go, mccusker's so clean.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know he's a. I did tell you.

[Joe DeRosa]

You did. You warned me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Don't you Secret pig. Secret mile. Horrendous.

[Shane Gillis]

Are you guys having a fun time? What a fun show. What a fun show.

[Matt McCusker]

So nice watching something horrible you did pinned on someone else. I always thought about that if, like, if someone went to jail for something you did, like, could you really let them go to jail? The answer is definitely yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You get hit easily.

[Shane Gillis]

Easily, easily.

[Matt McCusker]

Like, yes.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Woo.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It wasn't me. It was the judge. The judge is a idiot.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's not my fault.

[Shane Gillis]

All right, Alex. Story number six.

[Alex]

Story number six. When I was in middle school, my best friend lost a fight. He then went into his house and got his dad's gun and chased the kid who beat him up to avoid having his parents killed him. We made up a story where I took the heat for the entire situation. He was no longer allowed to hang out with me.

[Shane Gillis]

Joe, how's that a hot. What does that have to do with. Oh, heat.

[Joe DeRosa]

Heat.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, it was hot outside.

[Shane Gillis]

It was a summer day.

[Big Jay Okerson]

His dad's gun, dude, he had the heat.

[Louis J. Gomez]

True. This is the first time Louis is actually acted puzzled and not accuse someone immediately.

[Shane Gillis]

First of all, this is way too many words. I don't write long ass stories like that. Yeah, this is a lot of words. And yeah, I don't have a dad. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. This black chick knows what's up.

[Big Jay Okerson]

This is another dissertation from the great, vile, horrendous.

[Louis J. Gomez]

God damn.

[Big Jay Okerson]

But I don't know, like, which one.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Of you is corny enough to.

[Joe DeRosa]

This is Okerson. Because let me tell you, when Okerson was growing up, he was a SAP. And he.

[Big Jay Okerson]

He would have.

[Joe DeRosa]

He would have taken the heat on something like this. Because Jay has told me many times he was desperate for friends and. And he would have let. He would have.

[Big Jay Okerson]

He would.

[Joe DeRosa]

Jay would have 100% taken this rap so somebody would love him and it blew up in his face. Don't forget his dad abandoned him when he was very young.

[Big Jay Okerson]

All these things that did happen.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I'm going Derosa. He wrote it down too fast.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's Derosa.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, this is Jay 100%.

[Shane Gillis]

This is Joe Derosa's bad acting once again.

[Big Jay Okerson]

And I want you to know when. This is you, Joe. You said a lot of things right there you can't take back about.

[Joe DeRosa]

I know, I know.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Listen, you said a lot of things to me right there.

[Joe DeRosa]

Jay voting for me won't bring him back.

[Big Jay Okerson]

A little piece of him will keep a little piece of him.

[Joe DeRosa]

This is gay, J.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm just saying your hands already off it.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh, all right.

[Joe DeRosa]

Well, that's my vote.

[Shane Gillis]

But I will say Jay voted very quickly. And I feel like Jay got very excited to throw it under Rosa.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That threw me off as well. I got Derosa written down, but it's Jay or derosa. Although the shoehorning in the heat, it reminds me of the viola horrendous story where he was just like. And also it was hot. I took the heat.

[Shane Gillis]

It had nothing to do with heat.

[Joe DeRosa]

Now think back to the beginning when they were explaining how the different ways you could use the term heat. Jay led that conversation. Think back to the beginning. At the beginning, you don't know what.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It'S like to only hang out with alcoholics. You gotta go. Think back 10 minutes ago and your buddy goes, it was an eternity. I can't remember.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I mean, I'm foggy on it too.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Me and Derosa been drinking for a week. We're not even close. Are we in London still?

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm telling you, this is something Jay would have done. All jokes aside, this was something Jay would have.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Jay, these veins. God damn, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

Cuz, I know you. And I know you. I know you.

[Shane Gillis]

I think Jay's trying to deflect right now. I'm going to go with my instinct. Big J Okerson, he is a good friend. This is seems like something that Jay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Would do, but would he shoehorn heat in? Yes, that's something Derosa would do.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Or would I go home to my parents and take the goes? It was me with the gun.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes.

[Big Jay Okerson]

That's bad.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't even remember the story. Can't see the goddamn monitor.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Kid took the heat when I was in middle school.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex read the thing. I can't even see it.

[Alex]

When I was in middle school, my best friend lost a fight. He then went into his house and got his dad's gun and chased the kid who beat him up to avoid having his parents kill him. We made up a story where I took the heat for the entire situation.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Let me tell you what, the road is different there. When he was thinking the story, he goes, yeah, but these guys just re read it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You just looked at it and I.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Took the heat for it. And you got excited, dude, he's trying.

[Joe DeRosa]

To throw this off of himself hard right now. He's defending hard. This is Jay.

[Matt McCusker]

What's the heat for the gun? Is the heat for the gun.

[Shane Gillis]

What if it's both of them? What if Joe's the kid with the gun and Jay took the heat?

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, that'd be.

[Matt McCusker]

I think it's Jay now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm starting to think it could Be Lewis. I think it's Louis.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It could be Lewis. Cuz I don't think he had parents that would care if he came up with that story.

[Matt McCusker]

No, I think he just threw away a vote.

[Joe DeRosa]

J. 100%.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're going to be so proud. I might be wrong.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I can't tell if Lewis. I can't tell if Lewis. Alex.

[Shane Gillis]

Is that.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I knew it was Alex.

[Shane Gillis]

Holy.

[Alex]

You guys. That story belongs to Louis J. Gomez.

[Shane Gillis]

I just cleaned the fuck up.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I always forget that Lewis could take heat from people because he had no supervision.

[Shane Gillis]

So what happened was my, my best friend John Hickey, his dad was a cop and he, he was kind of a dork. And this other kid in the neighborhood just beat the out of him in front of like his little brothers. The whole neighborhood just watched him get his ass kicked. And I was trying to coach him from the side. I was like, doc, get up John, stop getting your ass me. And then John ran into his house and got his dad's revolver and chased the kid up the road. And everyone was like all these kids just scattered in opposite directions. And then you know, obviously they freaked out and everyone told their parents and yeah, we, we told John's parents that I just yelled oh watch out, he's gonna go get his dad's gun. And they believed it because they're cops. And yeah, then the. Yeah, he didn't get in trouble but his parents made him stop being friends with me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's funny you think it's cuz they were cops, not because they're clearly cops and they're not going to arrest a cops kid.

[Shane Gillis]

Maybe that's true too. Yeah, but yeah, they believe me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I pull the wool over their eyes. You know. Hold on a second. I'm a cop. Let's hear this Puerto Rican kids account.

[Matt McCusker]

I also understand how did that work? You said, said you told him to get the gun or you said I.

[Shane Gillis]

I said that I screamed.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I feel like these points shouldn't count because the story is not that good. Heat.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, the heat took the heat.

[Shane Gillis]

I took the heat.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I knew it was loose.

[Shane Gillis]

He did. Right at the end. Right at the end.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know, at the end I realized it was.

[Joe DeRosa]

And Lewis was the one at the beginning. Remember back at the beginning.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Puzzled. I said this is the first time he's been like what?

[Joe DeRosa]

Lewis was the one that said the movie Heat. Yeah, it was right in front of our faces.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Joe, this has nothing to do with the movie Heat.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, but you used heat in the same way.

[Shane Gillis]

You can just, you can just say whatever.

[Joe DeRosa]

But I'm saying you use heat in the same way that the the title of the movie.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, man.

[Shane Gillis]

You stop yelling at me, Plug.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm not Plug. Your movie pocket.

[Joe DeRosa]

You don't like this heat right now it's called we'll see you in hell. And I don't make my friends do anything for it.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I have another cold, refreshing Bud Light. Goes down smooth and easy.

[Joe DeRosa]

Don't you pass me one of those, too. I'm getting the knocked out of me on this game right now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You wish you Vile.

[Shane Gillis]

Joe's.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Getting the knocked out of me goes. I thought you got a handle on that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex Louis by a million.

[Alex]

In last place with two points.

[Joe DeRosa]

All right, Alex, can you change your tone, please?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Also for real changes. Change his name to Vile Horrendous on the scoreboard.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh, Alex, you could put like your.

[Joe DeRosa]

Vanna White delivery over there. Stop it.

[Big Jay Okerson]

She could put a little more respect on your name for sure.

[Alex]

In last place, with two points, the Vile horrendous Joe De Rosa.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Vile Horrendous.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That name's not going anywhere. No time.

[Joe DeRosa]

Types of things I'm call. I'm retitling my special to buy.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You should.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're locked in and you're going to be trying to talk to girls and they're going to go, why do they call you that? They go.

[Big Jay Okerson]

He goes, oh, it's worse than you think. It's. Oh, sit down. Well, when I was young, it would get hot.

[Joe DeRosa]

Me so far.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You with me? You keeping up? Keep it up, sweetheart.

[Matt McCusker]

Tell her it wasn't your story. Like, it wasn't my story. It was Louis J. Gomez's.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, she'll believe that.

[Big Jay Okerson]

She got to go through the archives to find out. Alex.

[Alex]

In fourth place with six points, Big J. Okerson.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I had that.

[Alex]

In third place with eight points, Matt McCusker. In second place with nine points, Shane Gillis. And in the lead with 14 points, Lewis J. Gomez.

[Shane Gillis]

I love winning.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, hold on.

[Shane Gillis]

It's still anybody's game.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How many more stories do we have?

[Shane Gillis]

Two more.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, we got time.

[Shane Gillis]

Any. Anybody's game. Thank you.

[Big Jay Okerson]

All right, real quick, let's talk about one of our amazing sponsors here at Story wars, and of course, that is Chubby's. My new favorite shorts for the summer. They're great, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

Chubby says incredible styles. They feel good. Soft, breathable fabric. If you want bathing suits or just shorts to walk around in, I'll tell you right now, Chubby's has you literally covered.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I found them by accident. When I was on the Fully Loaded tour, we were going in the ocean. I didn't bring a bathing suit and they gave me a pair of Chubbies and I thought they looked kind of gay, but I put them on super comfortable and looked much better than I thought. But it turns out I look good in Flamingo.

[Shane Gillis]

I was wearing them in Jamaica. I was living in my chubbies the entire time. I was using the swim trunks and the classic shorts. They have multiple sizes, like the length of the legs. If you want to show off your sexy thighs. And I know you do, Jay, you could do that. We could have a little bit of longer ones as well. But the designs are incredible. They're super on point. And every time I wear my Chubbies, I get compliments from all of the ladies.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Sick dick. In those Chubbies.

[Shane Gillis]

Hell yeah. And the dudes. I give the dudes Chubbies, they say.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Go right now to chubby's.com and use the code wars with a Z. W, A r Z for 10% off your entire order. Oh, that's pretty good. And please support this show by telling them that we sent you. Get in on the ultimate in summer comfort and style with Chubby's this year. One more time. Chubby's.com code wars with a Z for 10% off that entire order. Chubbies feel good and look good. All right, let's get back into it.

[Shane Gillis]

It. Alex. Story number seven.

[Alex]

Story number seven. I once ate hot wings called suicide wings and forgot to wash my hands before peeing my penis went numb for a full night.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I know. This has me written all over. It is not me.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes, it is.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I promise it's not.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes, it is. It's either you or Jay.

[Big Jay Okerson]

What?

[Joe DeRosa]

It's food related, so it's either you or Shane.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Everything you do is food related. And honestly, hold on. Against all odds, you have a worse body than both of us.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Are you nuts?

[Louis J. Gomez]

So, no, I'm not. I've seen you. You're out of control. You're an old Egyptian man. Your body is for real, like prehistoric. It's fucked up. So go ahead with the food related. That's. Go make your sandwiches. You.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Back?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, true. Go get me one right now.

[Shane Gillis]

That's very hurtful. And Joe's also on testosterone, which is psychotic.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's. It's not doing anything.

[Joe DeRosa]

Why is it psychotic?

[Shane Gillis]

Cuz, look at you.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm fighting against it.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Every day's a battle.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it's done nothing.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm pushing through it. No, that's not true. I should help you Drink. I should be way more of a disaster than I am. It's let me skate by with a C minus.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Slightly above average or below average. Is that what you think?

[Joe DeRosa]

Why coming at me? Back the off of me right now.

[Big Jay Okerson]

What Shane's doing though, lot of this, a lot of razzle dazzle.

[Shane Gillis]

Telling you right now, Big J doesn't eat chicken wings. He won't eat wings on the.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You did this last time with a goddamn ocean.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Jay hates the ocean. Chicken on the bone.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's right.

[Big Jay Okerson]

He's right about both though. I do hate chicken. I'll do the flat wings though now.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, I do like a flat. What do you like? Flat or the drumstick?

[Big Jay Okerson]

I just do flat drum.

[Shane Gillis]

Either drumstick. Drumstick is for dumb idiots. No, I'm sorry if you like the drumstick. It's just stupid people.

[Matt McCusker]

Flat wings are for girls. Flat wings you give to a girl.

[Shane Gillis]

Manly as, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

Well, they're not that you're trying to manly up flat.

[Shane Gillis]

That's crazy. The flat wing.

[Joe DeRosa]

Why are the drumsticks dumb? The cleanest, easiest way to eat a wing.

[Shane Gillis]

Because a dumb person needs an easy way to eat a wing.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You think it's a drumstick? I think some of us come from.

[Joe DeRosa]

Races that are embarrassed to eat like that. All right? We all didn't grow up selling mangoes in Harlem where it's normal to have chicken bones on your front stoop.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dude, you.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You are catching Shane.

[Shane Gillis]

Go at him right now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You people eat with your hands.

[Joe DeRosa]

Go at him right now. Leave me alone.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're Egyptian. It's not me. Jason. Jason, don't do it. I swear. All right? It's not me.

[Joe DeRosa]

There's no way. It's not not.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I promise it's not me. I mean, don't get me wrong, this is happening. I didn't write it down.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Matt's eyes are flickering around a little bit though.

[Shane Gillis]

Did Shane have a story? Has Shane had a story in yet?

[Alex]

Yes. Yeah, he went to Jamaica and fought with his girlfriend.

[Shane Gillis]

That's right.

[Big Jay Okerson]

He had your story.

[Shane Gillis]

He did have my story.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I.

[Big Jay Okerson]

But I. I mean this for real. Did someone fart up here or is the vial horrendous?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I swear to God, I did not fart.

[Matt McCusker]

Not me.

[Big Jay Okerson]

No, you can just back cuz it's a little hot on the stage.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It is the horrendous. No, don't.

[Shane Gillis]

You gonna smell his ass.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Not smelling that thing.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Why is there fluid on it?

[Matt McCusker]

If I farted out, I swear to God. Oh no, no, no.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Swear to God.

[Matt McCusker]

It wasn't Me.

[Shane Gillis]

Are you guys cheating?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No.

[Matt McCusker]

No.

[Big Jay Okerson]

We could heaven more.

[Shane Gillis]

These are fucking.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He could be lying.

[Matt McCusker]

I wouldn't lie on camera.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Matt's already hurt me like this before.

[Joe DeRosa]

I would also say the only thing. The only thing that tipped it to Shane over Jay for me was that Shane is more likely to eat wings.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I eat wings all the time.

[Joe DeRosa]

But here's the thing. Jay doesn't like food on the bone. But I would also have argued this might be one of the things that led him to not liking food on the bone.

[Shane Gillis]

Also, these could say bone in wings. These could be boneless wings.

[Big Jay Okerson]

That's true.

[Matt McCusker]

Nah, they would say boneless people. Specify.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, that's. That's not wings.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I wouldn't have. Because that would have really given.

[Shane Gillis]

But Jay also might be playing a different level right now because he told the ocean story. Knowing that he doesn't do the ocean the wing story. I'm starting to think this actually could be.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's see who you vote for.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm voting for big J. He voted first. He threw it very quickly to somebody else. That's a J tell. I'm going Big J. O. And I heard you guys cheating with each other. I think either of you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's not. I. I told you it's not me from the start.

[Matt McCusker]

J answered fast, which is guilty. But he did that before. I'm gonna go Lewis actually fool. I can't let him pull away sweep. Nah, he can't pull away with another.

[Shane Gillis]

Matt and Shane are genuinely cheating. They're whispering to each other if.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If we're cheating. He. He just lied to me and he just. He deceived me. And then also ultimate betrayal.

[Matt McCusker]

Shane with Shane so mean to each other. It's crazy.

[Big Jay Okerson]

The rose is quietly getting excited. No, I just.

[Joe DeRosa]

I just. I'm so positive at Shane. It's ridiculous.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's not me.

[Joe DeRosa]

I. I'm like them. I'm nothing else to say.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Hey. Okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I would have told you at this point.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I would have gone. It's me.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You know what I want to say.

[Matt McCusker]

Lewis made like a weird guilty face. But then you answered fast.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Winked at me last time.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hold on. I got James.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Alex. Who.

[Joe DeRosa]

Who was it? Alex.

[Shane Gillis]

Stories are in store. Oh, it is. God damn it.

[Matt McCusker]

Damn.

[Shane Gillis]

God damn it. I'll be so excited. Get.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Guess who's back in the game.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Joe Derosa.

[Shane Gillis]

Joe Deroza comes back in the game. Holy clean sweep. Joe deroza. That's what we're calling you for, dude.

[Louis J. Gomez]

A million points clean sweep.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Now I'm Solely in last place. I never win this game.

[Shane Gillis]

So. Yeah, Joe, tell us about this.

[Joe DeRosa]

I mean, the story's really all there on paper. Just ate some hot wings, touched my dick. My dick went over, it sucked, and I never ate really super hot wings ever again. It was a place called Airport Wings.

[Shane Gillis]

You could just start washing your hands.

[Joe DeRosa]

Huh?

[Shane Gillis]

You could just start washing your hands now.

[Big Jay Okerson]

The Airport Wings.

[Joe DeRosa]

It was called Airport Wing. It was near the airport in. It was. It was when I was in that.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Right near the same complex as Car Wash Steak.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you numb dick.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Vile. Horrendous.

[Louis J. Gomez]

True.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's all over there.

[Joe DeRosa]

Gas station pizza, Car Wash Steak.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We should have got that right away. Numb penis.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Classic vial.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, they were. They had these wings that were called Attempted suicide that were super hot and then suicide. And it was the hottest thing I've ever eaten in my life. Like, I. I would never. I'll probably never be famous enough to do it, but I would never do hot wings. Like, I think that. Or hot ones. I think that's insane that people go on that show.

[Matt McCusker]

Just rub them on your dick when you go on there.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's the way I would do it. I'd say, I'm only doing it. I'm gonna touch my dick after every bite.

[Matt McCusker]

Start stroking yourself right to that guy. I like your jacket, man.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Blotchy dick.

[Joe DeRosa]

What?

[Big Jay Okerson]

To have a blotchy hot dick.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. Why. Why do they not let people wear gloves on Hot ones? They do.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Like, why it's so dangerous? You could touch your eye or your penis. I don't know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Anyway, you know I did it.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, no, I know. How bad were the win? Was it. I mean, this was like, un. This second. This touched your lip. Your lip was numb.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The one called the bomb was really, really, really bad.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Other than that, it was fine.

[Joe DeRosa]

Really? It wasn't that bad.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, that's why my episode was like, 10 minutes.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What are we doing? Just give me wings. Like, where do you come up with your jokes? I want to talk about that. Like, want some milk from Philadelphia? I was like, no, not.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh. Oh, that's a shaker.

[Shane Gillis]

Pull up these points.

[Matt McCusker]

That is a huge.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's hear this. I gotta whiz so bad.

[Shane Gillis]

All right.

[Alex]

On the scoreboard, in last place, with six points, Big Jay Okerson.

[Shane Gillis]

Damn, Jay Jay.

[Big Jay Okerson]

My claps have died out. Are you guys angry at me that I'm losing? Like.

[Shane Gillis]

It'S really.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They want to do the math on Derosa the Vile Slime Times points.

[Shane Gillis]

It's truly Anybody's game still, by the way, you're not out of this game, Jay.

[Alex]

In fourth place with eight points, Matt McCusker.

[Matt McCusker]

All right, pick it up.

[Alex]

In third place with nine points, Shane Gillis.

[Joe DeRosa]

There's a train coming. Big dog.

[Alex]

All the way. In second place with 10. 10 points, Joe Derosa.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, you only moved to second and.

[Alex]

Still in the lead with 14 points, Lewis J. Gomez.

[Shane Gillis]

One more story. One more story and it's anybody's game. Jake can still catch up.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's anybody but mine's game pretty much.

[Shane Gillis]

That's not true.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I could tie you.

[Shane Gillis]

You could tie me. That's a big.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It doesn't matter, as long as it stays here. Because I don't want to lose. O'Reilly's JavaScript pocket reference. It's a concise handbook.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Please don't read this.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Designed specifically for quick reference and practical solutions during all your coding. Its clarity and portability make it helpful for quick syntax checks and code maintenance. However, the content stops at JavaScript standards from 2012. I can't stress enough. Leaving out out substantial advancements and modern frameworks. Let's go, Alex. Story number eight.

[Alex]

Story number eight. I went to the Dominican Republic with my cousin and caught him jerking off in the closet.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You want to just yell Matt McCusker and go to the bathroom?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No. I don't know.

[Shane Gillis]

This is some White Lotus shit. We all know what you did in that closet, Matt.

[Joe DeRosa]

I think this is. Louis.

[Shane Gillis]

I've never been to the Dominican Republic.

[Joe DeRosa]

Well, you would say that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That this says.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You said.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Today you have.

[Shane Gillis]

When did I say that?

[Louis J. Gomez]

We talk about sugar in the Dominican Republic?

[Big Jay Okerson]

When you told him about this story, catching your cousin.

[Shane Gillis]

He did.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He literally did.

[Shane Gillis]

He's. He's playing everyone.

[Matt McCusker]

No, he said he's been there before.

[Shane Gillis]

No, it's.

[Joe DeRosa]

This is. This is every element of one of your stories.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You are.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's got trip to another country, Spanish speaking country and slightly gay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And a nino jacking off.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Cousins jerking off.

[Joe DeRosa]

Latinos jerking off.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Alex, did you remove. And then I finished him off.

[Joe DeRosa]

Alex, did you remove the word doggy from this story?

[Shane Gillis]

Now, I'm letting you know Shane and Shane and Matt right now are doing a little double team. Like the basketball game.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It does seem like cahoots.

[Matt McCusker]

Basketball is two on two game, but the basketball is.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's supposed to be a two on two.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's two on two.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm not doing anything.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Would Lewis go with his. Yeah, obviously.

[Shane Gillis]

Matt. Matt.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was gonna say family.

[Shane Gillis]

I never. I've never been to the Dominican Republic. Matt and Shane are playing us like fiddles right now. They're in cahoots. They just want to bring this book home. And.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, it's matter. It's.

[Matt McCusker]

I got a 2011 Mac. I got a debug in my house.

[Big Jay Okerson]

What's that year again? Again?

[Matt McCusker]

2011.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh, you're good then. You're good.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hold on, hold on. With the vile slime. Would you ever go on vacation with your cousins?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yes.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did he have a nice. Did you have a nice upbring?

[Joe DeRosa]

It was okay. Yeah, it was pretty good. Pretty normal.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You ever go to the Dominican Republic with your cousins?

[Shane Gillis]

No. No. No.

[Joe DeRosa]

But am I allowed to say this? No, I don't think it's me or Matt.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Because you don't think it's you.

[Joe DeRosa]

Well, listen.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Strange thing to say. Shane and I. I don't believe this is my story.

[Joe DeRosa]

Shane and I were in Dublin on Saturday. It got pretty heavy over there. That's fair.

[Big Jay Okerson]

That is fair. No, I'm.

[Joe DeRosa]

I don't think it's Matt because Matt started two stories.

[Matt McCusker]

Yes, it is.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, but no, no, you could. It's all randomized.

[Joe DeRosa]

Completely randomized. Oh, okay. All right. I didn't know that.

[Shane Gillis]

But the numbers would tell you that this could be Mr. Shane Gillis for sure. Shane, have you been to Dr. No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I have not.

[Shane Gillis]

You've never been to the Dominican Republic?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I've been to Jamaica how many times? Twice.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Sick. He hasn't blinked since he said that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I haven't gone to Matt.

[Shane Gillis]

Have you been to Dr. Yeah, I.

[Matt McCusker]

Didn'T really like it.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Well, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

What. What island have you never.

[Joe DeRosa]

Did you burst into flames as soon as you walked out in the sun?

[Shane Gillis]

I never. I've never been to Dr. You said you were on. I was in Puerto Rico six times.

[Louis J. Gomez]

My family went to the Asian city. Maryland.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And my grandma had a Hilton Head condo.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I've definitely never been shout out.

[Joe DeRosa]

Nobody, Lewis, nobody from J down does Dominican Republic. Shane makes a good point. We're Jersey shore people, you know.

[Matt McCusker]

True.

[Big Jay Okerson]

We're actually a little bit adventurer.

[Matt McCusker]

I went there. I'm telling you. I've been to the.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I would have heard Matt tell.

[Matt McCusker]

I would love if this. If this was my story, I would say no. But I've been to the doctor twice. I didn't.

[Shane Gillis]

But they're. They're. They're playing the game together right now. Extremely.

[Joe DeRosa]

This is suspicious because when you cover for him this hard, it's usually him.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I covered for him last time. I didn't say it's Not Matt. Yeah, the tower story.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, you did.

[Shane Gillis]

You said not Matt. You said no way Matt would do that ever.

[Big Jay Okerson]

And then you waited for all of us to vote. You waited for all of us to vote, and then you voted last.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, you voted it at last. You got the points. Anyway. You.

[Joe DeRosa]

This is the pig McCusker.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm saying it's not Matt.

[Matt McCusker]

This could be.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You would have told me to be Derosa.

[Shane Gillis]

It's either Shane or Matt.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, this is.

[Shane Gillis]

Shane's only had one story in. But it is all random.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, I think.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But Derosa has a nice family.

[Matt McCusker]

What year we. What year doctor?

[Shane Gillis]

But listen, listen, listen.

[Matt McCusker]

What year doctor are we talking?

[Joe DeRosa]

I don't know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What year did you go?

[Big Jay Okerson]

This would strike me more as like young adult vote. Derosa going with his cousin.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it.

[Joe DeRosa]

I was gonna say this sounds to me more like we went as kids as a family, and I caught my cousin.

[Shane Gillis]

Hey, how about this? Why don't you guys do your votes, you scumbags? Still.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm still waiting for more information.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You do your vote. Yeah, because now. I don't know. I was gonna write the. Rosa.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, it's not me. I'm telling you, it's not me.

[Shane Gillis]

It's not Derosa. It's not big J. Big J's never been. And it's not me. 100%.

[Joe DeRosa]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

Not been a doctor.

[Joe DeRosa]

I've only been to other countries when it was for work, like shows. Like, I've never gone. I would. This is my.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm just going to Lewis. Odorosa wins.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, that is true. Derosa.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, well, dude, if it's Derosa, he actually wins his game. If nobody votes for him. Damn it.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I don't think it's Derosa, though.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's not me.

[Big Jay Okerson]

When I met Derosa, like, he had not been almost anywhere when I met you. Would you say you haven't traveled almost anywhere when I met.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, I would never take a vacation like this.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, doctor is a shit country.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, I'm not even saying that. I'm just a jerk.

[Big Jay Okerson]

A jerk off trip with your cousin.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. I'm not a vacation guy. Like, it's just not a thing that interests me greatly.

[Shane Gillis]

I can see Shane taking family vacations. Why? And he said his. Oh, and this is bullshit. He said Ocean City, Maryland. But he said his family took him. His uncle specifically took him to Jamaica. I feel like he's regularly going on Caribbean vacations with this uncle and his cousin. My vote is Shane Gillis. Bang.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Hold on, hold on.

[Joe DeRosa]

Did McCusker wrote Shane.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, that.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's McCusker.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm sticking with this. Yeah, I'm sticking with it. It's McCuskey.

[Shane Gillis]

I think you're retarded.

[Big Jay Okerson]

The face that Shane just made at you is so ridiculous. You still voted, you know, I guess you put Matt. He looked at you and he went. And then you just did it anyway.

[Joe DeRosa]

I mean, that's crazy. I didn't see him do it.

[Shane Gillis]

You're insane. So bad. Holy shit, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

God damn it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

God damn it.

[Joe DeRosa]

God damn it.

[Shane Gillis]

Alex, make it official. Whose story is this?

[Matt McCusker]

I saw your face.

[Alex]

I'm like, that story belongs to Shane Gillis.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Got it. I netted the pig. I drinked one pig.

[Joe DeRosa]

When did you go to the Republic?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Your cousin, I think I was in eighth grade. He was in seventh. He's not actually my cousin, but you call him cousin.

[Big Jay Okerson]

So it's okay that you guys had sex?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. No. The whole time. Time. The whole time. He was taking showers and being. It was hour long showers, and I was like, bro, I know this game. You're jacking off and that's okay.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Still dirty. It's still dirty.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And the whole. The whole week he was like, I'm not jacking off. And I was like, dude, I know. It's totally okay. And he would turn the shower and be like, I'm not jacking off. And then finally on the last day, I was like, I'm gonna rip the curtain open and catch this little fucker, because he's definitely been jacking off in the shower that he and I are sharing the entire week. So I go in and I rip the curtain open. On the last day, the shower is running and empty, and I go, holy. Where is he? And then I turn around and there was like a wardrobe closet, and I opened it and he was sitting on a chest, naked, going. And I had enough time. Like, he didn't see me open the door, so I had enough time to go, what are you doing? And from that day forward, he's been known as the Whack Off King. He is the King, Alex. To this day, I still call him the King.

[Big Jay Okerson]

The King.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Alex, give us our final points.

[Alex]

All right, our final scorers tied for last place with 10 points each. Big J. Okerson and Joe Derosa.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I didn't get it anything.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I only got your down here with the vile horrendous.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Train's coming, dog. Last place.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, God damn it. Dude, I hate that. You prance around, pretend to be blue collar, and you're flying off to the Dominican Republic.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We had. We had rich family friends that took us there twice. That was the only place I ever went. Alex, it's not a lie.

[Alex]

In third place with 11 points, Shane Gillis.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's pretty good. 11 points is respectable. I would never have 10.

[Joe DeRosa]

I hate that you beat me by one point so bad right now. God damn it.

[Alex]

In second place with 12 points, Matt McCusker. Honorable Sean, making tonight tonight's winner with 18 points, Louis J. Gomez.

[Big Jay Okerson]

God damn it. Once again, Louis J. Gomez keeps the book in house at the story awards library. Thank you so much. How about a big round of applause for all of our guests joining us tonight, Matt mccosker, the great Shane gillis, Joe deros. Thank you so much, mothership, for hanging out with us and coming to support story awards. We'll see you next time. Until then, peace.