038. Tim Dillon, Dan Soder, & Chris Distefano | Failure

Summary

Summary of Story Warz Episode 038: Tim Dillon, Dan Soder, & Chris Distefano | Failure

Release Date: April 25, 2025

---

Introduction

In Episode 038 of Story Warz, titled "Failure," hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez are joined by special guests Tim Dillon, Dan Soder, and Chris DiStefano. Filmed live at The Stand Comedy Club in New York City, the episode features a lively game of deceptive storytelling where comedians and entertainers compete to outwit each other using real and fabricated stories centered around the theme of failure.

---

Game Overview

At approximately [04:35], Louis J. Gomez explains the rules of "Story Warz":

• Story Submission: Each panelist submits three to five stories related to the episode's theme—Failure in this instance.
• Gameplay: Eight stories are randomly selected and read aloud by the producer, Alex.
• Objective: If the story is yours, you must convincingly deceive others into believing it’s not. If it's not yours, you must correctly identify the original storyteller.
• Scoring:
  • Fooling others with your own story earns 1 point.
  • Correctly guessing someone else's story earns 2 points.

Prize: The winner receives a limited edition copy of "The Light within the Light: Portraits of Donald Hall, Richard Wilbur, Maxine Kooman, and Stanley Kunitz" by Gene Braham, as highlighted by Chris DiStefano at [05:13].

---

Round Summaries and Notable Moments

Round 1: Driving License Failures
Timestamp: [06:11] – [14:29]

• Story: "I failed my written test for my driver's license because I didn't study and just assumed everything on the test was common knowledge."
• Guesses:
  • Chris DiStefano suspects Tim Dillon: "I did feel right away like this seems like an aloof thing, but I would do this." [06:23]
  • Big Jay Oakerson reveals he passed his test: "I passed my test." [07:04]
• Revelation: The story belongs to Louis J. Gomez.
  • Quote: "My 60th birthday was the written test. And then a week later, I took my driving test and I got it because I was so ready to get out of my fucking house." [07:34]

Round 2: The Fallen Father
Timestamp: [15:29] – [21:18]

• Story: "My father fell down the stairs on the way to the hospital while my mother was giving birth to me and broke both of his legs."
• Guesses:
  • Louis J. Gomez hypothesizes that it could be Tim Dillon or Chris DiStefano based on the emotional weight.
• Revelation: The story is Chris DiStefano’s.
  • Quote: "And my mother moved me to the Amish country shortly after for our safety. That's true story." [21:11]

Round 3: Toll Booth Trouble
Timestamp: [22:28] – [28:09]

• Story: "Before easy pass, I was driving with no cash and couldn't get the toll arm to raise. I caused a huge traffic jam and had to beg them to open it on the intercom while everyone was pulling."
• Guesses:
  • Dan Soder believes it's his own story: "I had to drive my driving instructor, who was also the football coach..." [08:48]
  • Others suspect Jay Oakerson or Louis Gomez based on personal anecdotes.
• Revelation: The story belongs to Dan Soder.
  • Quote: "It was off E470... I had to drive my driving instructor... I passed my test first time out." [08:48 – 27:23]

Round 4: Mock Kidnapping
Timestamp: [31:08] – [37:11]

• Story: "My best friend and I tricked his developmentally disabled aunt into thinking we were kidnapped by leaving a ransom note for her."
• Guesses:
  • Louis J. Gomez associates this with Tim Dillon: "This is the definition of Tim Dillon." [31:21]
• Revelation: The story is Tim Dillon’s.
  • Quote: "We called her Doink... she thought we had been kidnapped." [37:57]

Round 5: Student Council Treasurer
Timestamp: [43:26] – [50:38]

• Story: "I ran for student council treasurer in fifth grade and lost."
• Guesses:
  • Chris DiStefano initially suspects Louis J. Gomez.
• Revelation: The story belongs to Tim Dillon.
  • Quote: "I ran for student council treasurer in fifth grade and lost." [43:26]

Round 6: Summer School Scares
Timestamp: [52:37] – [61:34]

• Story: "One year I failed a class and had to go to summer school. Then I had to switch summer schools because I was violently threatened on the first day."
• Guesses:
  • Panelists debate between Chris DiStefano and Dan Soder, eventually concluding it's Dan Soder’s.
  • Quote: "That story belongs to Dan Soder." [56:44]

Round 7: Tickling in the Bar
Timestamp: [62:53] – [70:11]

• Story: "I was doing a bar show and I thought I saw one of my friends in the back of the room. I snuck through the crowd and surprised him by running up and tickling him. It wasn't my friend Chrissy D."
• Guesses:
  • Dan Soder claims it’s his own: "I took a shot at love Jay..." [68:03]
• Revelation: The story is Dan Soder’s.
  • Quote: "I ran through the crowd and got tickles off... I have a picture of me and the dude in my phone." [68:15]

Round 8: Roller Coaster Mishap
Timestamp: [71:44] – [75:11]

• Story: "I tried to kiss someone on a roller coaster and went in at the wrong moment. We hit a bump and accidentally butted heads, breaking their nose."
• Guesses:
  • Chris DiStefano suspects Dan Soder, but it's revealed to be Chris DiStefano’s own story.
• Revelation: The story belongs to Chris DiStefano.
  • Quote: "I went to summer school... I ran for student council... my head slammed to her head and she covered in blood." [75:05 – 75:11]

---

Final Scores and Winner

At the end of the game, Dan Soder emerges victorious with 18 points, earning him the coveted copy of "The Light within the Light."

• Final Tally:
  • Dan Soder: 18 points
  • Tim Dillon: 16 points
  • Chris DiStefano: 15 points
  • Big Jay Oakerson: 12 points
  • Louis J. Gomez: 10 points

Winner’s Quote:
Dan Soder: "My father fought in Vietnam, but he couldn't win that war. I had to win this one." [78:37]

---

Highlights and Notable Quotes

• Chris DiStefano expresses frustration over being deceived:
  "This is why Lewis doesn't trust men." [48:41]

• Tim Dillon reflects on his authenticity and strategic plays:
  "I haven't lied one time on the show." [34:16]

• Luis J. Gomez humorously accuses Tim Dillon of deceptive strategies:
  "This is the definition of Tim Dillon." [31:21]

• Big Jay Oakerson shares personal anecdotes and interacts playfully with guests:
  "I passed my test." [07:04]

---

Conclusion

Episode 038 of Story Warz delivers a blend of competitive storytelling, sharp humor, and candid interactions among seasoned comedians and hosts. The dynamic banter and strategic deception keep listeners engaged as each participant navigates the fine line between truth and fabrication under the theme of failure. Dan Soder's win underscores his prowess in crafting believable stories, while the episode as a whole celebrates the art of comedic storytelling.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

1. Chris DiStefano: "I wish it was mine because I actually studied and I passed, which makes me a loser." [06:23]
2. Tim Dillon: "She was really stupid and she thought we had been kidnapped." [37:52]
3. Dan Soder: "I had to drive my driving instructor, who was also the football coach..." [08:48]
4. Chris DiStefano: "This is why Lewis doesn't trust men." [48:41]
5. Luis J. Gomez: "This is the definition of Tim Dillon." [31:21]
6. Dan Soder: "I took a shot at love Jay..." [68:03]
7. Tim Dillon: "I haven't lied one time on the show." [34:16]
8. Dan Soder: "My father fought in Vietnam, but he couldn't win that war. I had to win this one." [78:37]

---

Final Thoughts

"Story Warz" Episode 038 successfully marries competitive gameplay with comedy, allowing panelists to share personal stories while engaging in witty exchanges. The episode not only entertains but also offers insight into the personalities of each participant, making it a must-listen for fans of comedic storytelling and interactive game shows.

Transcript

[Big J Okerson]

What's going on? Story warriors very excited to announce that we have merch available right now at our brand new website, storywarsmerch.com so if you guys want to rep the show that you love and you do love it, there's so many different things. We have great designs. We have double point shirts, Story Warrior shirts, hoodies, everything you guys want. Rep the show that you guys love. Whether you got double points or double tits. Guess what? Story wars has you covered. Go to storywarsmerch.com that's storywars with a Z merch.com and grab your T shirts or hoodies. Today we're going to have other stuff coming out. This is the first limited run. These are all limited edition designs, so grab them now before they disappear. All right, let's start the show.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Fill her up.

[Dan Soder]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Big J Okerson]

Live from Rodney's in New York City, It's Story Wolf wars with the Story Warriors, Big J. Okerson and Louis J. Gomez.

[Chris DiStefano]

What's up, everybody? Welcome to Story Wars. We're your Story Warriors, Big J Okerson and Louis J. Gomez. Let's make some noise in this sold out Rocky comedy club.

[Big J Okerson]

Look at this. I can feel. I can feel the ghosts of Rodney Dangerfield looking down at us right now.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, I bet that'll come into play a lot tonight. How many people here, we always ask this are not familiar with Story Wars?

[Big J Okerson]

Not familiar. Don't raise your. You're at a comedy show, you retarded women.

[Chris DiStefano]

Louis, do not drive away the only women that have ever come to the show.

[Big J Okerson]

No. You know they're retarded. That was crazy.

[Chris DiStefano]

They were like, you girls aren't retarded. You're polite, but you have no idea what you came for tonight. You just got tickets to whatever said Fuck it Girls night.

[Big J Okerson]

They came for Chris D. Let's get real.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, shit. They definitely came for Chris D. I forgot he was here. How many people here are familiar with Story Wars?

[Dan Soder]

Oh, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Good.

[Chris DiStefano]

That feels good. That feels very good. Well, let's get our contestants up here and we'll get this game going. What do you say? Our first contestant, everybody, you know him and love him from the Sodor podcast. His special on the road you can watch right now on YouTube. He is my former work wife. How about it for the hilarious Dan Soder?

[Dan Soder]

Here to win it. Here to finally win. I want to see double points so bad.

[Big J Okerson]

Our second contestant on the show. Absolutely hilarious. You're gonna know him from history. Hyenas and his brand New special. It's just unfortunate. Available on Hulu. Clap it up for Chris DiStefano.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Come on.

[Big J Okerson]

Hello, Returning story Warrior. Yeah, we have an actual story warrior on the panel.

[Chris DiStefano]

A story where you won. And I believe Chris, if I'm not mistaken, was the first ever person besides you or I to win.

[Dan Soder]

Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes, I was. I fooled you guys with a story about 9, 11.

[Chris DiStefano]

Just, just so you know, if you win tonight, you're only one win shy of me.

[Tim Dillon]

Yes.

[Chris DiStefano]

I'm not good at the game.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay's only won three times in the history of the show.

[Chris DiStefano]

Someone said four, but that didn't feel much better, right? Our final contestant, everybody. Last but not least, you know him from the Tim Dillon Show. And how about his new special, I'm youm Mother, available right now on Netflix. It's Tim Dillon.

[Big J Okerson]

What a panel.

[Tim Dillon]

Thank you.

[Chris DiStefano]

Hell of a panel.

[Big J Okerson]

Tim's excited to be here. He really is. It's the first time I've seen you be excited to do somebody else's podcast.

[Tim Dillon]

I'm practicing for the lying on the show.

[Chris DiStefano]

This is going to be a very fun one. If you're unfamiliar with story war is here or you're unfamiliar listening at home, it's a very simple game. Everybody on this panel, including Lewis and I, have submitted three to five stories on one particular subject. Tonight's topic, Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

Failure.

[Chris DiStefano]

Failure. Our lovely producer Alex will read those stories out one at a time randomly. Eight of them. They will appear on this screen. If it is your story, you're the only person who knows that it's your job to fool everybody else, that it's not your story. And if it's not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.

[Big J Okerson]

And for every person you fool, you get one point. Every time you guess the story correctly, you get two points. Once you write the name on the dry erase board. Put the dry erase board in this little holder right here and let your hand go. That is it. That is your final answer. You cannot change it. It's a lot of fun. And I'll tell you right now, we're not just playing for fun. Look, you guys are gonna have a great time tonight, but we're up here for more than fun. Jay, tell em what we're playing for tonight.

[Chris DiStefano]

We're always playing for a book from the Story of Wars Library. Tonight's book, a brand new copy of the Light within the Light. Portraits of Donald Hall, Richard Wilbur, Maxine Kohman and Stanley Kunitz by Gene Braham. One of my favorites, Gene Braham offers intimate portraits of four eminent American poets, Donald Hall, Richard Wilbur, Maxine Koomin and Stanley Kunitz, delving into their personal histories and the evolution of their poetic voices. Through in depth interviews and reflections, Bram reveals how each poet's life experiences shaped their work.

[Dan Soder]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Can you believe it, boys?

[Chris DiStefano]

I can't. It's going to be a great one. Everybody. Are you ready for war? Let's get drafted then, Alex, if you will. Story number one.

[Alex]

Story number one. I failed my written test for my driver's license because I didn't study and just assumed everything on the test was common knowledge.

[Dan Soder]

This feels. Tim or Jay?

[Chris DiStefano]

I. Then I'm gonna say Tim, because I did feel right away like this seems like an aloof thing, but I would do this. First of all, I think I also did this.

[Tim Dillon]

I wish it was mine because I actually. I studied and I passed, which makes me a loser. So this does seem cooler, but I failed the driving test once in the actual car.

[Big J Okerson]

I. I passed my test.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Walked in. There was five questions.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Very easy. Pat. That was on my birthday.

[Tim Dillon]

Could this be your story? Like, is that.

[Big J Okerson]

Are you.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

You're in this, everybody.

[Big J Okerson]

We're all in it. I explain this to you outside, Tim. You saw.

[Tim Dillon]

But I didn't know if you were in it.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't know. Jay just explained it again. He said, all five of us.

[Chris DiStefano]

And then I said in the thing. It's. It's written right into it. I say everybody on this panel, including Lewis and I. I even purchased. Have Lewis and I. To make it sound like, official.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Listen, I can understand. Unless Steve Bannon tells him.

[Tim Dillon]

That's right. I don't.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Listen, did Mr. Bannon give him the instructions or not?

[Tim Dillon]

You get a white nationalist to tell me something.

[Big J Okerson]

My 60th birthday was the written test. And then a week later, I took my driving test and I got. Because I was so ready to get out of my fucking house. And I passed. Both.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. You keep insisting on telling us this story, which makes me feel like it's made up.

[Chris DiStefano]

I would love to tell you guys that a guy sent me a DM today of a Lewis cheat sheet that he said that I should use. And he gives things. He said he ran it through AI and has all your tells, but I don't remember any of.

[Big J Okerson]

What are my tells. I wish you knew them.

[Dan Soder]

That's why AI was created, to map Lewis's brain.

[Chris DiStefano]

I mean, this guy. This guy went in good.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Let me see. I'll get it. Because this might.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I know Jay's tells. If Jay starts speaking really loudly and blaming everyone else over and over.

[Chris DiStefano]

He also tells me the things I do that give it away.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna. It was Jay, because I feel like the man who would be most likely to fail a written test would be a man wearing fingerless gloves. It just feels.

[Chris DiStefano]

It was a computer. It was a computer test. It was like four buttons, like multiple choice. And I did fail at once.

[Big J Okerson]

Dan, did you pass your written test?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Getting a license first time out.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Went down to the dmv. Nailed it.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah, I don't know about that. I don't know about that at all. I think maybe he was in Colorado relaxing.

[Dan Soder]

There is no driving test in Colorado.

[Tim Dillon]

Smoking a little weed.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

Figuring that it's just gonna.

[Dan Soder]

I had to drive. My driving test was. I had to drive my driving instructor, who was also the football coach, just downtown so he could drop off some documents. I drove him back and he's like, you passed your test. I was like, thanks, Coach Cooper. This feels like a Jay story.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I feel like Jay is now not paying attention to the show specifically because I know.

[Chris DiStefano]

I'm feeling I'm have to bail on this because.

[Dan Soder]

But I really looking for Terminator.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think too, because every time it is one of Jay's stories, he gives a little smile. He does that. He can't hide it.

[Chris DiStefano]

I think it does say that. I do give him.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay's a horrific actor. One of the worst in the business.

[Chris DiStefano]

What a great smile.

[Dan Soder]

I just assume.

[Big J Okerson]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

And just assumed everything on the test was common.

[Chris DiStefano]

Got it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Who would say, like who?

[Tim Dillon]

Common. Not like the. I wouldn't even use those words.

[Dan Soder]

Those words are too poor for Tim.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If it was Tim, Tim would say, just assume everything on the test was known by these peasants.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I don't know. I still. I think it could be Louis.

[Chris DiStefano]

Frequent words and phrases Louis uses when lying 100%. Not me 95% of the time. Lying if used more than four times.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Never happens.

[Big J Okerson]

By the way, thank you for telling me my tells.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, right. 90% lying.

[Big J Okerson]

You should do this at the end of the show.

[Chris DiStefano]

No, you're not going to remember any of this shit.

[Big J Okerson]

I will 100% remember this stuff.

[Chris DiStefano]

One of my tells, it says excessive physical adjustment.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. Jay starts moving around a lot. He starts pointing. It gets really loud.

[Chris DiStefano]

I'm sorry. Honestly, if I say that three times, 90% of the time I'm lying. Believe me, 85% of the time I'm lying. Trust me, 80% lying. I swear. 75%.

[Big J Okerson]

Can you send this to your girlfriend?

[Dan Soder]

Christine's in the back with a fucking knife. Just practicing.

[Chris DiStefano]

All of it's fake.

[Tim Dillon]

Louis, what was. Do you remember your written test?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it was five questions. I. I took it on my 16th birthday.

[Tim Dillon]

Why was it five questions?

[Big J Okerson]

I have no idea. It was so easy because.

[Tim Dillon]

No, there is no written test. That's five questions.

[Big J Okerson]

I swear to God, it was five questions.

[Dan Soder]

Dude, they don't even have that at Chili's. About how the meal was. You rocket full of.

[Tim Dillon]

You have five questions.

[Dan Soder]

I remember the day it was raining.

[Big J Okerson]

I was. I was 16 years old. It was on my 16th birthday. I was.

[Dan Soder]

So who's number one on the charts?

[Chris DiStefano]

Strangely. Get serious.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What year were you? What year were you?

[Big J Okerson]

I was born 82, so it was 90. 98.

[Louis J. Gomez]

98. Number one on the charts.

[Dan Soder]

Backstory, boys.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was going to say NSync. Tearing up my heart.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, maybe.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Who else is gay out there?

[Big J Okerson]

All right, I'm gonna start. I'm gonna start getting this voting going. I mean, I feel like Jay is completely disconnected because it's him.

[Dan Soder]

Jay's reading your chart.

[Tim Dillon]

Wait, do we all. Do we vote secretly?

[Big J Okerson]

No, you write it. You put it. We told you this twice, Tim.

[Tim Dillon]

No, I know.

[Chris DiStefano]

You write your answer on the board, and then when you put your board in the thing, it's your final answer.

[Tim Dillon]

Gotcha. Okay, I know. I'm just confirming it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Do you want to get deported? Dude, I would stop talking like that to Tim. J.D. man.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, my God.

[Big J Okerson]

You are.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's.

[Dan Soder]

It is. It's.

[Chris DiStefano]

Story.

[Big J Okerson]

Wars.

[Tim Dillon]

El Salvador.

[Chris DiStefano]

I'm gonna.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm gonna start the voting. I'm gonna say Big J. Okerson. I feel like Jay is doing a lot of acting right now.

[Chris DiStefano]

Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's Lewis.

[Tim Dillon]

I'm going to say Lewis, please.

[Chris DiStefano]

It is Louis.

[Dan Soder]

I think no one's. I haven't heard Chris say much. Well, I think he thinks he's going under the radar.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's not me.

[Dan Soder]

These Italians can be extra sneaky.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, I feel.

[Dan Soder]

But I feel like I can smell your pasta sauce. It's Chris.

[Chris DiStefano]

This is a tough one, because I did not. I failed the written test, the computer thing. But I. But I also. I feel like. Didn't everybody not study the first time? And, like, you're like.

[Tim Dillon]

No one studied.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, no.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone up here passed their first test.

[Chris DiStefano]

I didn't.

[Big J Okerson]

This is your story. That's why I voted for you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is Big J.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's not Alex.

[Big J Okerson]

All of our Answers are in.

[Chris DiStefano]

Swear to God.

[Alex]

This story belongs to Louis J.

[Tim Dillon]

Go.

[Big J Okerson]

Son of a bitch.

[Dan Soder]

Every time he tricks me.

[Tim Dillon]

I knew it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You knew it.

[Tim Dillon]

I fucking knew it. I knew it.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't even say this.

[Tim Dillon]

Damn it, I knew it.

[Big J Okerson]

I was being honest.

[Dan Soder]

Why do I have such a weak.

[Big J Okerson]

When I was 16, when I was sick.

[Chris DiStefano]

You hyper talk, AI.

[Big J Okerson]

When I was 16 years old, I did pass it. It was five questions. This is all true. Took my driver's. My actual driving test. A week later when I went to re get my license. When I was fucking 38, when I.

[Dan Soder]

Moved to Jersey, I was like, five questions.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm gonna have this easy peasy.

[Dan Soder]

I know all this shit.

[Big J Okerson]

I went in, it was 50 questions multiple choice.

[Dan Soder]

I had no dude, but I failed it.

[Big J Okerson]

By the eighth question, I had gotten every question wrong. Y. I didn't study anything.

[Chris DiStefano]

God fucking shot. Damn it. That felt really good.

[Big J Okerson]

It did. You got me, Jay.

[Chris DiStefano]

I got you dead to rights.

[Dan Soder]

You got me.

[Chris DiStefano]

You were pushing me too hard. Just like Hypertalk said. That's his tag.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, where are our scores at?

[Alex]

On the scoreboard with two points each. Louis J. Gomez, Big J. Okerson, and Tim Dillon.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There you go.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, that feels good.

[Big J Okerson]

We got it. All right.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, the two sad handsomes in the middle. Boohoo.

[Dan Soder]

All right, quit throwing it at us.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, hey, guys, real quick, let's talk about one of our awesome sponsors over here at Story wars, everyone, and that is yo kratom, home of the 60 kilo. That sounds like we're just on a loop because we've been saying it for years and years. Because no matter what changes in the world, that price does not. 60 kilos of lab tested, high quality Kratom delivered right to your door. Now, this is for people over the age of 21 who are already in the market for Kratom. We're not suggesting you start doing Kratom, but if you're already in the market for Kratom, why not get it from Yo Kratom? It is the highest quality and it is coming right to your door. And they are the marquee sponsors for Skank Fest every year and just kind of support everything, every kind of comedy that you love out there. So support the people that support us. Go to yocratum.com home of the $60 kilo. All right, let's get back into it, Alex.

[Big J Okerson]

Story number two.

[Alex]

Story number two. My father fell down the stairs on the way to the hospital while my mother was giving birth to me and broke both of his legs.

[Dan Soder]

I thought These are. I thought these were dancing lyrics. This sounds like a Tim Dillon fucking.

[Tim Dillon]

By the way, I wish.

[Dan Soder]

I wish that was also. What it doesn't say is cable news was on in the back.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

My father and then Tim was created.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. All that needed to say is at Islip Hospital in Long Island.

[Tim Dillon]

I don't.

[Dan Soder]

This is a. Yeah, that's called a Long island birth.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's what we call Nassau county birth.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, yeah. She got the old Nassau County. Dad broke both the legs as the baby came.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Then we went to an Islanders game.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. You know what? They didn't even fucking set the legs. They just put Billy Joel and they reformed like, T1000.

[Big J Okerson]

I know it's not Dan because his father wasn't at the hospital when he was born.

[Dan Soder]

He's a happy hour.

[Chris DiStefano]

Neither was yours.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, he was a happy.

[Chris DiStefano]

This is definitely Chris or Tim who had present fathers.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, but there's this story saying that is the father wasn't there down the.

[Tim Dillon]

Stairs on the way to the hospital. I don't even know what that means. While my mother was giving birth to me. And broke, by the way.

[Dan Soder]

I didn't realize you were reading it. I thought you were just admitting it.

[Tim Dillon]

No, no, no.

[Dan Soder]

What are you doing?

[Tim Dillon]

No, no, no. But here's what I'm trying to understand. So the father isn't at the hospital.

[Dan Soder]

While the woman's nice. Two legs broken.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I mean, the guy.

[Dan Soder]

Or he fucking. Or he knuckles it there. And he deserves that world's greatest dad mug.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Or no. How about it could be Louis and Jay, because what if that's. The mother told them.

[Tim Dillon]

Louis, can you tell us when your dad was stabbed?

[Big J Okerson]

My dad was stabbed when I was four years old.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

I'm sorry to hear that.

[Dan Soder]

He might have been. So he might have murdered and.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, did he.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let me ask you this. Could he not run away because he had broken legs?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, that's why.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is that why he was killed?

[Dan Soder]

That's how he gives it up. He goes, no, his run is a little wobbly because of his legs.

[Tim Dillon]

Someone broke his legs. Someone.

[Chris DiStefano]

Three years.

[Tim Dillon]

Maybe it's Chris's dad, because he was some gambling dad, some Italian, and he lied to Chris. He's like, oh, I fell down the stairs. And Chris is like, did you, though?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, that's what it is.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's a story.

[Dan Soder]

My mother also. The jets didn't cover.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I remember your birthday because the chest didn't cover. And.

[Louis J. Gomez]

My father's. He was there.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like if this was Dan or Jay. I would have heard that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Was that happy hour?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. You know where he was?

[Big J Okerson]

I. I would have heard this story. Dan, was your. Was your father in the hospital when you were born? No, he wasn't. He really wasn't. I was kidding.

[Dan Soder]

I'm not.

[Big J Okerson]

When I said that about you.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Your dad wasn't there, but if someone.

[Chris DiStefano]

Did, it was happy hour.

[Dan Soder]

What do you guys not understand about five dollar onion rings? He has shit in your ears.

[Chris DiStefano]

He said it eight times. He was at happy hour. It's one hour.

[Dan Soder]

Unlimited margaritas.

[Tim Dillon]

Jay, where was your dad kids forever when you were born?

[Chris DiStefano]

He may have been there. I don't know.

[Tim Dillon]

You don't know if your dad was there or not?

[Chris DiStefano]

I don't.

[Big J Okerson]

He has no memories from when he was zero.

[Tim Dillon]

Are there photos?

[Chris DiStefano]

He did hold me at least twice as a child. There's pictures of that. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did he have cast on both his legs?

[Chris DiStefano]

To the best of my knowledge, he was two legs working.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Tim, I like everything you've been doing here, but I believe this is the kind of acting that got you into Joker 2 folly a dude.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Tim Dillon]

There's a lot of. There was a lot of talented people in that movie. There was a lot of talented people in that movie. A lot of them all vote for me. That's fine.

[Big J Okerson]

I think I might agree with J. I think this could be Tim. I saw the little smirk on him. It's Chris or Tim.

[Tim Dillon]

I'm saying Chris because this is the way Italians behave.

[Big J Okerson]

It is.

[Dan Soder]

It is.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I. I honestly.

[Dan Soder]

God damn it. You're right, Dylan.

[Tim Dillon]

It's the way Italians behave.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think it's Louis.

[Tim Dillon]

I'm telling you right now.

[Chris DiStefano]

Ah.

[Tim Dillon]

I kind of family couldn't afford stairs. There's no way they afford.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Because I think it's something his mom told him.

[Dan Soder]

A shot?

[Chris DiStefano]

No, Lewis definitely lived in door to lawn.

[Big J Okerson]

I lived in a basement apartment. Chris or Tim? Chris or Tim? Chris or Tim. I feel like Chris just threw out any name.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, that's how I feel.

[Big J Okerson]

What's the reason why? I think it might be Chris here.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. There's no confusion.

[Big J Okerson]

Chrissy, is this you?

[Tim Dillon]

No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I told you. I feel like I thought it was Louis because I think you're so good at this.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh God. That smile is dreamy.

[Chris DiStefano]

I can't.

[Big J Okerson]

I have to believe him.

[Dan Soder]

Look away, Lewis.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know me.

[Chris DiStefano]

Hold on.

[Big J Okerson]

Chris, is it you? Oh, I can.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's obviously not. That would be funny if it was. You don't think I would have. You don't think you would have heard. I've told every story about my father. I don't have any more material.

[Big J Okerson]

That's it. My final vote is Tim Dillon. I saw Tim smirk. I feel like he was trying to hide something.

[Dan Soder]

Son of a bitch. I can't pull my back.

[Big J Okerson]

Here it is.

[Chris DiStefano]

Tim.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't answer. That's my instinct. Alex, all of our answers ran.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Chrissy D.

[Chris DiStefano]

Timmy.

[Tim Dillon]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're good.

[Dan Soder]

Yes, they're good. Can I tell you right now, you led me there?

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Thank you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dude, that guy fell right down the stairs by my mother. My mother said I was born at 8:34am, August 26, 1940. So my dad came in like 8:05am bleeding from his knees. Just. They said my uncle called him and he, like, Woke up at 7am mom was in labor and he fell down the concrete steps of my house in Ridgewood and just in a cab. Two broken, full casts. Yeah, that's what he said. And then my mother moved me to the Amish country shortly after for our safety. That's true story.

[Big J Okerson]

Great story.

[Chris DiStefano]

Great story.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, where are our points at?

[Alex]

All right on the scoreboard with two points each, Lewis J. Gomez, Big J Okerson, Dan Soder, and Chris distefano. And in the lead with four points, Tim Dillon.

[Tim Dillon]

It's early. Yeah, it's early, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Very early in the game.

[Tim Dillon]

It's early right now.

[Big J Okerson]

This is fun.

[Chris DiStefano]

Alex, Story number three.

[Alex]

Story number three. Before easy pass, I was driving with no cash and couldn't get the toll arm to raise. I caused a huge traffic jam and had to beg them to open it on the intercom while everyone was pulling.

[Dan Soder]

Well, I feel like Tim or Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

No, I'm gonna say Louis.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I'm gonna say not Lewis because he only got his license when he was 38.

[Chris DiStefano]

You're right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They didn't have them.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't start making money until I was 40.

[Chris DiStefano]

He. No, but Lewis drove before that.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, okay.

[Tim Dillon]

He drove. He just did. He wasn't.

[Big J Okerson]

Liz. I drove from 16 to 19. Then I moved to New York City when I was 19, and then I didn't get my license again until I was 39.

[Dan Soder]

It's. I can hear the hor. Like, the honking. And you going, what do you want me to do?

[Big J Okerson]

I'm trying to get a hol.

[Dan Soder]

I go, you got money? Got money.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I. And it can't be Dan because they didn't have easy pass in Colorado.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. What are you going to New York?

[Louis J. Gomez]

New jerk.

[Dan Soder]

Another farm.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. What they have, like, Mountain pass.

[Dan Soder]

You got to pay a prospect.

[Louis J. Gomez]

When did Boulder pass?

[Tim Dillon]

When did EAS come out?

[Louis J. Gomez]

He sprayed 20, 30. 30 years. I mean, I feel like it's always been out.

[Big J Okerson]

Look at Tim. This is good acting. This is the acting from Tim right here.

[Dan Soder]

Why did he volunteer that?

[Tim Dillon]

Oh, I don't know.

[Dan Soder]

Sherlock Holmes.

[Big J Okerson]

That was.

[Dan Soder]

Riddle me this.

[Big J Okerson]

I could. I could feel your heart beating faster right now like Daredevil.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's this kind of acting that garnered you the part in the horror film Thanksgiving Again.

[Tim Dillon]

I made. I made $3,500.

[Dan Soder]

But you got the SAG health insurance.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did they let you keep. When they decapitated you, they let you keep your prostatic cavities.

[Tim Dillon]

I have the head.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I wanted to ask.

[Tim Dillon]

I have the head.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's awesome.

[Tim Dillon]

I gave it to President Trump. Joe Rogan presented it for me. President Trump. It's not me. I understand why people think it's me.

[Dan Soder]

It does feel like Lewis is just.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It feels like a Lewis move.

[Tim Dillon]

It's a Lewis move because, number one, he has no cash. He doesn't know he has any cash because he's.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, it's others. It's another person's.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. It wouldn't be Tim, because Tim would just drive right through the.

[Tim Dillon]

I'd go through it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He wouldn't stop.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah, I'd go through it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

I don't know if they said why. Maybe that I said I'm fighting anti.

[Big J Okerson]

By the way. I mean, Big J. Big J is very quiet right now, which is not. It's not a JTL to be super quiet. Jay's usually loud and throwing it at other people.

[Tim Dillon]

This is a J. I think he.

[Big J Okerson]

Knows his tells now. Jay's been driving since he was 19 years old to New York City, back and forth between Philly. He's been driving through tolls more than a spot.

[Tim Dillon]

And he didn't think that he didn't have the cash for whatever reason.

[Chris DiStefano]

And it was all cash then, and.

[Tim Dillon]

It was all cash, but he didn't have any of it for whatever reason.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, you're going with it. I don't know. God damn it. I was so sure it was Lewis.

[Tim Dillon]

No, it's going to be Jay. It's Jay Okerson.

[Big J Okerson]

J. I really think it's J.

[Chris DiStefano]

Have at it.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay's trying to not do his tells that he got from the AI guy. Right now.

[Tim Dillon]

He's just like, have at it, Jay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, I'm not going to say honestly.

[Tim Dillon]

Jay's been driving a long time.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay's been driving A very long time. Yeah. Bad move, Dan.

[Dan Soder]

I'm trusting my instincts on Louis.

[Chris DiStefano]

My marker's dead.

[Tim Dillon]

It could also be Louis. I hope it's Jay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, it's Tim.

[Tim Dillon]

It's not. I'm 19 years old right now. I started driving two years ago.

[Chris DiStefano]

Live your truth.

[Dan Soder]

I'm going.

[Big J Okerson]

Big J Okerson. Final answer. That was my first instinct.

[Chris DiStefano]

Alex, lay it on these.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Dan Soder.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What the.

[Chris DiStefano]

No, no.

[Tim Dillon]

Oh, my God. Insane.

[Dan Soder]

That's wild.

[Chris DiStefano]

Damn.

[Tim Dillon]

That's insane.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dude.

[Dan Soder]

It's called a. It's a toll pass.

[Chris DiStefano]

You. You got yourself out of it with that. That's a little bit of a flim flam right there.

[Dan Soder]

There's not.

[Big J Okerson]

There's not. There's no lie here. He just said before Evie.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Before the era. As I was saying, you used before easy pass is an era.

[Big J Okerson]

Like he could have said before the movie Independence Day, and it would be on the up and up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So you lied about it being called easy pass.

[Dan Soder]

It was. Yeah, it was like E470 pass or whatever, but it was a tollway. I was gonna put tollway, but he should.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That shouldn't count because he lied in his story.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, no, no, no. Let me say this. There's no lie here. It was before easy pass.

[Chris DiStefano]

It was before the.

[Tim Dillon]

Before easy pass. You think about New York?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes, that's what it was.

[Tim Dillon]

It was a slick move.

[Big J Okerson]

It was a slick.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's a sneaky fuck.

[Big J Okerson]

But it is. It's above board. I'll tell you right now.

[Tim Dillon]

I get it.

[Dan Soder]

It all checks out.

[Big J Okerson]

I make up the rules as we go.

[Dan Soder]

It's about, why don't you tell your friends in the Trump administration about my cool moves?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, so you flim. Flammed us.

[Big J Okerson]

So what happened? They let. They let you through, Dan?

[Dan Soder]

Oh, dude. Yeah. It was a scene. It was like, five cars. One of them was a giant truck, and it was off E470, which is.

[Chris DiStefano]

Like, oh, you know, that guy's looking for.

[Dan Soder]

And it was like the honking of trying to talk in an intercom. What's going. And I'm going, I don't have any cash. I was like, 17. I was like, I don't have any cash. And I was like. I was like, you. Please let me through. Please let me through. Oh, man. It's very embarrassing.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, where are points at three rounds?

[Louis J. Gomez]

That even fooled you.

[Big J Okerson]

That was slick.

[Tim Dillon]

It fooled me, and I'm actually ashamed.

[Big J Okerson]

Dan just pulled the head. All right.

[Alex]

On the scoreboard. Tied for last place. I have Louis J. Gomez, Big J OKERSON and Chris DiStefano.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

It's early.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I know.

[Chris DiStefano]

In second place, this is usually where I max out.

[Alex]

In second place, with four points, Tim Dillon. And in the lead with six points, Dan Soder.

[Dan Soder]

Swift moves, Swift moves.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yep. That was a big one.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's getting intense, Dan. You are inching closer to a brand new copy of Delight within the light Portraits of Donald Hall, Richard Wilbur, Maxine Kohman and Stanley Kunitz. This collection presents a nuanced examination of the intertwining of life and art in the lives of Hall, Wilbur Kohman and Kunitz. Bram captures the essence of each poet's journey, highlighting their contributions to American poetry and their individual philosophies. The narratives underscore the resilience and adaptability required to sustain a lifelong commitment to the craft.

[Tim Dillon]

I have a question.

[Chris DiStefano]

You could taste it.

[Dan Soder]

I don't want to get too excited. Are they.

[Big J Okerson]

Are these three girls that don't know what the show is? You guys having a good time?

[Dan Soder]

Fuck yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Great. Three new fans right now.

[Dan Soder]

One of them just woke back up. What?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

By the way, that did seem like that. No, turn off. I'm still watching that.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

What?

[Dan Soder]

She is Tim to go up yet?

[Big J Okerson]

Guys, let's take a quick moment and thank crowd health for being a supporter of today's show. The truth is, health insurance is broken. My health insurance is so fucking expensive. Premium premiums are increasing, deductibles are getting larger, and claim denials are happening all the time. Way more common. The headache of health insurance is exactly why crowd health was created. It's not health insurance. It's a better way to pay for health care through crowdfunding. Crowd health gives their members the freedom to efficiently and affordably break free from the antiquated insurance system and into health care options that fit your needs.

[Chris DiStefano]

The insurance companies don't give you the peace of mind that you need. Crowd health does. That's why you're 50. $50 a month membership includes the tools and services you need to get the highest quality health care. You get access to telemedicine visits, discounted prescriptions, and a whole bunch more without doctors networks messing things up. You'll also have access to your own personal health care advocate who will help you navigate the complexities of the health events and even help you negotiate the bills to make it easier on you. And of course, you'll join the crowd, a group of members just like you who want to help pay for each other's unexpected medical events.

[Big J Okerson]

It's time that you opt out of restricted health insurance plans and let crowd health help fit your healthcare needs. Get started today for just $50 a month. Go to joincrowdhealth.com wars w a r Z to get health care you deserve. Once Again, go to joincrowdhealth.comwarz to get the health care that you deserve.

[Chris DiStefano]

Crowd health is not insurance. Learn [e-mail] that's joincrowdhealth.com/wars. Let's get back into it.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex. Story number four.

[Alex]

Story number four. My best friend and I tricked his developmentally disabled aunt into thinking we were kidnapped by leaving a ransom note for her.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is the definition of Tim Dillon.

[Dan Soder]

This is.

[Chris DiStefano]

This is.

[Dan Soder]

This is a hundred percent.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is on his Wikipedia.

[Dan Soder]

This is his maau culin in the good son.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, this couldn't.

[Tim Dillon]

I never spent time with anyone who is developmentally disabled.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Tim Dillon]

In my life.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes. And his development. Developmentally disabled aunt is on kill Tony next week.

[Chris DiStefano]

Golden ticket.

[Tim Dillon]

No, it. See, it seems. It seems like me, but no, nobody I knew was like a retarded person.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, see, that's.

[Tim Dillon]

No, I wish I did no more, but I just didn't.

[Chris DiStefano]

Let me tell you that Louis knows how to play this game as well.

[Tim Dillon]

As autism and all that.

[Chris DiStefano]

And he would never. Lewis in life would never say developmentally disabled, but he knows if you said his aunt, we would just think it was Louis because he was going, no, it's clearly.

[Tim Dillon]

It's clearly Louis because he's probably in contact with those types.

[Chris DiStefano]

Absolutely. I don't even think he knew those types were those types till he got around other people.

[Dan Soder]

He goes, you guys ever been around sharper people? These people are so cunning.

[Chris DiStefano]

Do you know you can get friends your age that don't lick your face?

[Big J Okerson]

I mean guys, I mean story.

[Tim Dillon]

No, I always tried to make, literally, I always tried to make friends of people who were, like, doing good.

[Big J Okerson]

Even your friend. I wouldn't hang out with the story. Your friend is doing good. It's his development. I can't even say it.

[Tim Dillon]

Developmentally disabled ants. Look it up before you submitted it. Yeah, no, I wouldn't hang out with someone's development.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Even the grammar, though, of it. My best friend and I, this just. That's not. Louis Gomez doesn't talk like that.

[Dan Soder]

Me and my buddy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's not the kind of grammar they have at the Aurora, Colorado school district.

[Dan Soder]

This sounds like a guy with a dad with two broken legs. He goes, you want to play ransom, though?

[Tim Dillon]

They go, watch ransom Now, Chris, you.

[Dan Soder]

Know the recorded art.

[Louis J. Gomez]

My developmentally disabled aunt is just Maurice. Just Giannis is Maurisa.

[Tim Dillon]

That's it. That's it.

[Dan Soder]

The kids were taken.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's it.

[Tim Dillon]

I said, louis, I think he had someone write it for him or he.

[Chris DiStefano]

I don't think Lewis had a best friend.

[Tim Dillon]

Lewis is smarter than you think.

[Dan Soder]

He goes, you don't say that. Imaginary friend.

[Chris DiStefano]

This is a Lewis move for sure. I feel like I would have heard this.

[Dan Soder]

Screams dim. Dillon, though.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Louis being involved in a ransom.

[Tim Dillon]

If I knew a developmentally or retarded person, I would have done this. But I didn't know. I know, but I would have done.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Although I do have to say. I do have to say, though, a situation like this, this does sound like some just Philly trash to do. And that's. And that's.

[Dan Soder]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

Good argument.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

I'm going. I'm probably going J. But I still think it's Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

I think Tim is. Is. There's a whole wall of lies happening before our very.

[Tim Dillon]

I haven't lied one time on the show. Think about it. I have not lied.

[Big J Okerson]

That is also true. But you. That's the game. So I feel like at this point.

[Tim Dillon]

The game is to be an honest person, not say, oh, easy pass is not here.

[Big J Okerson]

Tim, let's not.

[Dan Soder]

Tim, let's not do this. Let's not throw mud at how each other gets points.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I gross it. By the way, Dan Soder, he's a little bit of a trickster. I can see you and your buddies doing this, thinking this was funny when you were first off.

[Dan Soder]

I have the kidnapped voice. I wouldn't need a. No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, that's true.

[Chris DiStefano]

Note will be our.

[Dan Soder]

We have. We have your son, you dum dum. Hey, dum dum. Where's Rory and Dan?

[Chris DiStefano]

She's the mobile. Mobile police. She's the mouth.

[Dan Soder]

If you ever want to see the bag of M&M's we took from you.

[Big J Okerson]

If you ever want to see your pudding again.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, this is Tim Dillon.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think it's Tim.

[Tim Dillon]

I'm going to go with Lewis or J.

[Dan Soder]

It does sound like a Philly dirt bag.

[Tim Dillon]

I'm going to go with Jay. I wish it was me because this is hilarious, but I didn't know any development developmentally disabled people or retarded people.

[Chris DiStefano]

Alice can change words. I would have wrote my best friend and I tricked his goofball aunt.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah, but then we would have.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, we know. This is your book report language.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, sure.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay recently learned to change the Way he says things.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, this is gloves off dress shirt Jay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Whatever.

[Louis J. Gomez]

My original gut choice of Timmy Dim.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, did you change the wording of this at all?

[Tim Dillon]

She works for you.

[Alex]

No longer answering that question.

[Tim Dillon]

Oh.

[Chris DiStefano]

Damn. Oh.

[Dan Soder]

Girl, get it. You let him go to space for 11 minutes.

[Chris DiStefano]

Slay, slay.

[Dan Soder]

Next thing you know they're yapping about the rules.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone is voting Tim right now.

[Tim Dillon]

Damn interesting. I'm.

[Dan Soder]

I don't like that you lay in the cut like this sometimes.

[Big J Okerson]

I lay in the cut.

[Dan Soder]

Okay.

[Tim Dillon]

When he's guilty.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes, he does do this when he's guilty sometimes.

[Dan Soder]

The guy told me the robot man.

[Chris DiStefano]

The robot AI guy told me this.

[Big J Okerson]

Could be a Chris D story.

[Tim Dillon]

I would never do this as I.

[Big J Okerson]

Think I would try to get money. I. I think it could be genuinely anybody on this panel.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But it is Tim.

[Tim Dillon]

It's not me. I'll tell you. You're gonna just keep losing.

[Big J Okerson]

I. I feel like Tim's being very honest. Right. I think this is Chris D. Chris D. I think this is Chris.

[Louis J. Gomez]

See how excited he was to tell you with somebody else.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's see.

[Tim Dillon]

No, I'm not excited at all.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex. All of her answers are in.

[Alex]

That's right. Belongs to Tim Dillon.

[Tim Dillon]

Of course it does.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Of course it does.

[Tim Dillon]

Of course. Developmentally disabled. You couldn't spell that if someone was going to kill James.

[Dan Soder]

You wouldn't even be able to this.

[Big J Okerson]

Nothing.

[Tim Dillon]

Are you crazy?

[Dan Soder]

Oh boy.

[Tim Dillon]

Wait, do I lose or I lose?

[Big J Okerson]

You just know you won one point, cuz you tricked me.

[Tim Dillon]

Oh, I got a point from you.

[Dan Soder]

From me?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did a good job.

[Big J Okerson]

Timmy looked me right in the eyes. That was so honest the way you were talking to me.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, he said I believe. Now.

[Big J Okerson]

I really believed him.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, I saw you were hurt.

[Big J Okerson]

So what happened to this story? Did she believe you guys?

[Tim Dillon]

Her name was Denise. We called her Doink.

[Chris DiStefano]

After the name of the clown.

[Tim Dillon]

After the name of the clown in Tekken. And she called his mother and started crying cause she was really stupid and she thought we had been kidnapped.

[Dan Soder]

Who wrote the note?

[Tim Dillon]

Me and my friend.

[Dan Soder]

Did you guys do the thing where you cut out the letters from magazines?

[Tim Dillon]

No, we just wrote it like crazy. She was that dumb.

[Big J Okerson]

Also, Doink was a professional wrestler.

[Tim Dillon]

You know what I mean? Whatever.

[Big J Okerson]

That you're so gay.

[Tim Dillon]

Whatever it is. I'm sorry. Maybe if you spend less time playing video games and more with human people, you would have known. You just got mad.

[Big J Okerson]

I can't believe I fumbled that.

[Dan Soder]

It was so obvious.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, where are our points at after four rounds all right.

[Alex]

In last place with two points, Louis J. Gomez.

[Tim Dillon]

That's right.

[Alex]

Tied for third place with four points each, Big J Okerson and Chris DiStefano.

[Chris DiStefano]

If I beat Lewis, that should count as a win for me. All right.

[Alex]

In second place with five points, Tim Dillon.

[Tim Dillon]

Fighting.

[Alex]

And in the lead with eight points, Dan Soder.

[Big J Okerson]

Dan can smell that book right now.

[Dan Soder]

I fucking need it so bad.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, you know what? I want to make things interesting since I previously won in September, I'd like to do double points.

[Dan Soder]

Double points.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, shit.

[Tim Dillon]

What? Hold on. What does that mean?

[Louis J. Gomez]

They told me.

[Big J Okerson]

Tell them you're allowed. So. So in the. Jay, you want to explain what it exactly is?

[Chris DiStefano]

Sure. I could explain it to you. For the final four stories before, if you fooled somebody, you'd get one point. If you guessed the correct story, you got two points. Now, that goes double points because I won.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's it.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, man.

[Big J Okerson]

Double points.

[Dan Soder]

And if you win, you get to say it.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Who said it? Oh. Oh, sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, we're story warriors, so.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Also, before we get into our second half, we're going to do plugs real quick. Tim, Obviously. Brand new special right now available on Netflix. I'm your mother.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Thank you.

[Tim Dillon]

Incredible.

[Dan Soder]

Thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

Watch that.

[Chris DiStefano]

In the top 10 tonight, it was.

[Tim Dillon]

It's not. It's nine and. But we're getting beat right now by the love on the spectrum.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

So go home and watch it, please. Let's put those autists in their place.

[Dan Soder]

Rfk.

[Tim Dillon]

Rfk.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's in the vaccines. It's in the vaccines.

[Big J Okerson]

Anything else to plug, Tim? Chris, what are you plugging my friend for me?

[Louis J. Gomez]

You guys, what do I got? I got a special out on Hulu and then.

[Chris DiStefano]

Hilarious.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes, hilarious. And then I. I made a critical mistake and I booked myself at Madison Square Garden, the Arena, on September 11th. And that show. Yes, thank you. And that show has now rightfully been moved downstairs to the theater. So you could see me in the basement of Madison Square Garden, where I belong. You go to christycomedy.com and people are getting refunds like hotcakes. So there are tickets available and my manager is at Coachella.

[Chris DiStefano]

Only. Burning man would be worse. My manager's at the Burn.

[Dan Soder]

Daniel, just dance odor.com. i'm on the road. Hell yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Big J. Bigjay comedy.com for all my dates, everybody. I'm all over the place. Second half of my Double cry work special. Will. This will be out when this comes out, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Fuck, yeah, it is. When's this come out?

[Big J Okerson]

This week comes out Monday.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Nope, won't be up. Yep. Yeah, yeah, 420. It came out. Second half of them. They. They out 420. Please support that. Everyone made the first one. We got over a million on the first part. So please, let's fucking do it again. Thank you all so much. Listen to the bonfire. And of course, the flagship show right here, Gas Digital. The legendary legion of skanks.

[Big J Okerson]

Come see me on the road. The Bring 5 Friends tour coming to a city near you. Please bring five friends to any of these dates. It'd be pretty sick if you guys did that. American Comedy Company in San Diego next weekend. I'm gonna be in Houston the week after that. I'm going to Europe at the end of May. Go to louisofskangs.com, i'm touring every weekend until I film my next special in July in Tampa. So get those tickets. And if you love this show, you should know that we do an uncensored and ad free version of the show every Monday night. It's a prerelease before it goes anywhere else. You get Story wars uncensored ad free. @gasdigital.com we also have an on demand library that's thousands of episodes deep and there's probably about 20 episodes of story wars that you can't get anywhere else. Use the promo code Warz with a Z and you save a buck 50amonth. You get the premium service and you get to support this show. It's the number one way to support the show. And yeah, check out my other podcast. The regs that I do with Dan Soder and Joe Liss and maybe Bobby Kelly and. Yeah, that's it. Sick.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, yeah. Here's where it gets interesting, Alex. Story number five.

[Alex]

Story number five. I ran for student council treasurer in fifth grade and lost Tim Dillon.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, this is where it all began, dude.

[Tim Dillon]

Yes, this is. I'm not a fed. That's like a fed move.

[Louis J. Gomez]

True, right?

[Tim Dillon]

It was a fed move. Well, I was an actor. I didn't have time. Literally.

[Chris DiStefano]

Lewis would try to get in student government.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, Lewis loves power.

[Big J Okerson]

I did a lot of weird things. I. I really did. I was in chess club. I was in musical theater. I was in all these things that you wouldn't expect me to be in.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, I know you were in musical theater. Chest surprised me. Yeah, but musical theater, I know that about.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't know how to play chess and I joined the chess club.

[Dan Soder]

Did you.

[Tim Dillon]

Did you do good?

[Big J Okerson]

No, I never won a single match. I don't know how to play to this day.

[Dan Soder]

Why did you join?

[Big J Okerson]

I just know how the pieces move.

[Dan Soder]

Why did you join the.

[Big J Okerson]

Because I thought it be hilarious to join chess club.

[Dan Soder]

What was going to be the punchline?

[Big J Okerson]

The punchline was like, look, I'm in chess club.

[Dan Soder]

O. I go and so play me. This guy goes right here. Treasurer.

[Big J Okerson]

There's only one Jew on this panel right now. Big J Okerson. I'm looking over at you.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

But you think I ever wanted to get involved?

[Dan Soder]

No.

[Chris DiStefano]

Government, maybe. Never. Once I. The only thing I ever did school activity wise like that was I joined the safety patrol because they let you leave 15 minutes or so before school was over.

[Big J Okerson]

Money.

[Dan Soder]

Do a sweep.

[Chris DiStefano]

No.

[Tim Dillon]

To go to what? To do what?

[Chris DiStefano]

I'll tell you exactly. To do what. You stay on the.

[Dan Soder]

Get the pedophiles going after you.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And then the rest of the safely.

[Chris DiStefano]

I run decoy. They send me out there with my voluptuous curve.

[Dan Soder]

Whoa, who's this fat kid?

[Chris DiStefano]

And then I just run like in a figure 8 through the neighborhood, trying to keep them off the tail.

[Tim Dillon]

Can you imagine, by the way, like, the pedophiles chasing after Chris and Dan and they go, Jay Okerson and Tim Dillon will distract them. And the pedophiles, like, what?

[Dan Soder]

Always.

[Chris DiStefano]

We're so cushy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

But Safety patrol, you leave, and then you'd be the person. It was stupid.

[Big J Okerson]

They give you a yellow banner. Right.

[Chris DiStefano]

It was a dumb orange. It would. It was a dumb idea because in my mind, I was doing it. I hated school so much that I was like, I can get out of school 15 minutes early.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

But you have to stay like a half hour past to do this when it's a red light. As if nobody can understand red lights.

[Tim Dillon]

Right.

[Chris DiStefano]

You have to do this. And then when it's green, you drop your arms.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Go.

[Chris DiStefano]

Go ahead.

[Dan Soder]

What if a guy. What if a guy plows through the safety squad?

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, I was the front line for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. It was my job, I guess, to take the hit. I guess I had to take the brunt if it did go down.

[Dan Soder]

All right, we'll send Jay Okerson out there.

[Chris DiStefano]

The teacher goes, yeah, yeah, guys, that kid's a tank. The safety thing is digging into my tit meat.

[Dan Soder]

He'll at least stop a Saturn.

[Big J Okerson]

Chris. Chris went to college. He was a good student.

[Dan Soder]

Good kid.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But fifth grade, dude, I literally thought I could make the NBA when I was in fifth grade. I swear to God, when I was in fifth grade, I used to get a mushroom haircut from supercuts and then shout out to number eight, I swear to God, dude. And then I would ask my cousin downstairs to braid it because I want it to be so. I would get the super cut haircut from my mom and then my cousin would braided and I would go shoot jump shots. Yeah, my cousin's Puerto Rican girl. Yeah, she would just braid my hair. And so. And so I wouldn't. I would say. I would say, yeah, I. I'm not. I played ball. I don't even think I went to catholic school. I don't think we had a student council.

[Chris DiStefano]

Dan was ripping butts by this point. He doesn't give a about politics.

[Tim Dillon]

No, I was acting. I was on a tour.

[Big J Okerson]

Tim was also ripping butts, but they were different butts.

[Dan Soder]

They were producer.

[Tim Dillon]

But I was touring on a tour which you guys know about fifth and sixth grade. I was acting. I was like barely in school.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, but you guys could have had some like floating government, you know, child actor. Been a floating. They go, why it be fun actor. Kids are like, we should make our own government.

[Chris DiStefano]

They go, my initial instinct on this one, which I'm going to stick with, is l. J. Gomez, you're an idiot. I think he tries to jump in.

[Big J Okerson]

You're a fool.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, you say so. I don't think I'm a fool.

[Dan Soder]

I think.

[Big J Okerson]

I think you're going to give a bunch of points right now to Chris D. That's what I think's happening.

[Tim Dillon]

Chris d. Could also be the one.

[Big J Okerson]

I think this is Chris.

[Chris DiStefano]

It could very much.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't think. I don't think that Tim would lie to me twice in one game.

[Tim Dillon]

I'm not gonna lie.

[Chris DiStefano]

I do think it's Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

I. I really think it's Chris.

[Chris DiStefano]

Dan, he showed his mind's work on his. I wish that we had a camera on that to see. You made something that wasn't a letter. You turned like a T into a.

[Dan Soder]

C. Yeah, I was gonna just edit it because I was gonna go, tim. And then I was like, you're an idiot, dude. We're giving.

[Chris DiStefano]

Why do you care?

[Big J Okerson]

This is because I want to win.

[Chris DiStefano]

Why do you care?

[Big J Okerson]

Cuz Dan's in the lead. What if it's Dan? Oh, if it's Dan.

[Tim Dillon]

I think it's actually Chris now. But I put you voted Dan.

[Dan Soder]

Nobody voted Dan. Dan's in. I wish, bro.

[Tim Dillon]

All right.

[Chris DiStefano]

Everyone's in.

[Dan Soder]

I wish I was in the government.

[Chris DiStefano]

Alex, it's okay.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Tim Dillon.

[Dan Soder]

You mine Again.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You.

[Dan Soder]

Mine again. You son of a.

[Tim Dillon]

See, I. I knew it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I knew it.

[Dan Soder]

You got me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I know it got me. See? I know it.

[Dan Soder]

Dude, you really.

[Chris DiStefano]

This is why Lewis doesn't trust men.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

You lied right to my face.

[Dan Soder]

Twice.

[Chris DiStefano]

He said out loud. Tim wouldn't lie to me twice.

[Tim Dillon]

Remember when I told you I need advance advances from Gas Digital to pay my rent, and I would take a photo of, like, a lobster I bought with it?

[Big J Okerson]

This is it. This is who you are.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Who won this student council treasurer position?

[Tim Dillon]

A girl named Andrea Zuckerman. Zucker something. And she was like, of course you're trying to cut Andrea Feldman. And she had red hair, and she won. And now we're killing a lot of people in Gaza.

[Chris DiStefano]

Butterfly effect.

[Tim Dillon]

That's what happens. That's all I'm gonna say.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, now that fat kid's a God.

[Dan Soder]

I love that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Like, coacher's girlfriend's a meth addict.

[Dan Soder]

Everybody wants to. Everybody wants to be, like, student council president. And. And then Tim's like, I'll control the books.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You thought of him first. Tim. You said Tim right away, and you got swayed.

[Dan Soder]

Dude, I told you it was you.

[Chris DiStefano]

I thought I would have been Chris. I thought it would be you, too. I thought maybe your father taught you how to cook the books or something.

[Dan Soder]

Exactly.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's true.

[Dan Soder]

He's like, that's my. He always does stuff with voiceovers when he's remembering it. That's my dad. He taught me.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm getting my dick kicked in right now, Alex.

[Chris DiStefano]

We all are.

[Dan Soder]

Tim might just caught up to me on the scoreboard.

[Alex]

In last place with two points.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, damn, Tim.

[Big J Okerson]

I forgot.

[Dan Soder]

Double points.

[Alex]

With four points, Big J Okerson tied with eight points each, Dan Soder and Chris Distefano. And in the lead with 11 points, Tim Dillon.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There he is.

[Big J Okerson]

Son of a.

[Dan Soder]

That was a big move.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's your week, buddy. It is your week.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is it.

[Big J Okerson]

I hope House Hunters takes your number. Ninth spot on Netflix.

[Tim Dillon]

Don't say that. It's gonna happen.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The algorithm's listening.

[Big J Okerson]

Ah. All right, let's take a quick moment to thank Mando for supporting today's show. We love Mando's Whole Body deodorant. It really is great. If you're a Story wars fan, Gas Digital fan in general, you're probably a smelly piece of. And Mando has.

[Chris DiStefano]

You're definitely fat.

[Big J Okerson]

You have a lot of pockets and crevices in your body that probably just fester with stink.

[Chris DiStefano]

And if you don't your sister does.

[Big J Okerson]

Look, Mando has you covered, literally and figuratively. This is total body deodorant. Not just for your armpit, but any of those little crevices and pits on your body. Whether it's your package, your grundle, your butt crack, your feet, you can use it literally anywhere. I love their amazing scents. The bourbon leather is literally my favorite scent at all. I don't wear anything else. It's like wearing confidence in a scent jet.

[Chris DiStefano]

Ooh la la. I like smelling like a strap. That's nice. Deals go right now to shopmando.com and new customers. This is an awesome deal. You get the Mando starter pack, which is perfect. It includes a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, and two free products of your choice, like a mini body wash or our favorite, the deodorant wipes.

[Big J Okerson]

Deodorant wipes. Get off a flight or out of a car ride for a long time.

[Dan Soder]

Just grab some deodorant wipes.

[Big J Okerson]

Wipe your balls down. Wipe your pits down. You're good, baby boy.

[Chris DiStefano]

Also, you get a special offer for our listeners. If you use the code wars at checkout, you'll get $5 off that starter pack, which is over 40% off.

[Big J Okerson]

What a deal. Go to shopmando.com, use that promo code warz with a Z, and save that money today. Start smelling good. Start feeling good. Just be a better you, you piece of shit. All right, where were we? Alex, Story number six, anybody's game still story number six.

[Alex]

One year I failed a class and had to go to summer school.

[Tim Dillon]

Lou.

[Alex]

Then I had to switch summer schools because I was violently threatened on the first day.

[Dan Soder]

This is a Chris or J story.

[Big J Okerson]

This seems like a J. J went to school with black people. Black people violently threaten smart.

[Chris DiStefano]

Big J. Yeah, well, it says summer school, but all right.

[Dan Soder]

This feels like a Chrissy D story.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I never went to summer school, man. My mom made me go to school. She was very. I could not be how my dad turned out.

[Big J Okerson]

I went to summer school one year, but I was not violent. I was doing the violent threatening, right?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, but maybe you just changed your perspective for the points.

[Chris DiStefano]

This is his easy pass moment.

[Tim Dillon]

Is it possible Soder went to summer school?

[Dan Soder]

I did go to summer school.

[Tim Dillon]

Okay?

[Dan Soder]

But I was not violently threatened.

[Chris DiStefano]

You think Dan was a great student?

[Dan Soder]

He wasn't saying that. I don't know why you could be mean about it.

[Chris DiStefano]

I went to summer school.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Tim is too smart for summer school.

[Tim Dillon]

No, I went to summer school.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, you did?

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah, but they wouldn't let me, so, like, I wouldn't be able to. You can't. First of all, how do you switch summer schools?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

Where do you go? Go to another district. It doesn't even make sense.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, because it was.

[Tim Dillon]

What other school. Summer school do you go to summer school. You're gonna be threatened in every summer school.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, that is true, though, because it all filtered into one school. Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

Summer school was. Not every district didn't have their own summer. So I don't know how that even.

[Chris DiStefano]

Where did you go to school, Chris? Queens.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Archbishop Malloy. That's right.

[Dan Soder]

Let's go.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Cougars come to the meetings Tuesdays and Thursdays.

[Tim Dillon]

I'm up. This is just, this is just off instinct. Off pure instinct. Off pure instinct. I feel like it's Chris.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nope.

[Tim Dillon]

I feel like his parents made him leave. He said he was threatened. His parents made him leave. He didn't probably want to leave, but they were like, you're not going to get in a fight. You're not going to fuck it up. I'm thinking it's Chris.

[Dan Soder]

No, it's also.

[Tim Dillon]

Look at his face right now. No, he's can't really. It is Chris.

[Big J Okerson]

He's just pointing. He's just pointing for something.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know what?

[Tim Dillon]

And it could be. It's fully Chris.

[Dan Soder]

He goes. I think we have a clip of it.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Chris can't say any words. He's just pointing him fully Chris.

[Dan Soder]

He goes there. There's not school in the summer.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, because I think it was Tim. Because he, he switched summer. He switches summer schools because he tells the school that his disabled aunt was kidnapped. And that's what it is.

[Tim Dillon]

It's, it's Chris.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's not me, I swear.

[Big J Okerson]

Tim is making a great point right.

[Dan Soder]

Now, but also, Tim is smarter than all of us.

[Tim Dillon]

It's not true. That's not true.

[Big J Okerson]

Tim could want us all to vote wrong. So he.

[Dan Soder]

Tim's the scientist that. We're the chimps.

[Tim Dillon]

I do not believe. I do not believe you. Listen, I think it's Chris.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think it's Big J. Because that's again, no, it's absolutely Chris. It's a Jewish thing. It's not.

[Tim Dillon]

It's Chris.

[Dan Soder]

You guys are gonna wild move.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You guys gonna feel dumb.

[Big J Okerson]

Maybe.

[Tim Dillon]

Maybe.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Watch this.

[Tim Dillon]

Big J. Lewis. What are you writing?

[Dan Soder]

Amy. Chris.

[Big J Okerson]

Amy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hungry. I never went to summer school. You can ask my mom.

[Big J Okerson]

That's right, Jason.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Because it's a Jewish thing to do.

[Big J Okerson]

Big Jay. What?

[Dan Soder]

I, I, I know that I Am big. Jason is a country star.

[Big J Okerson]

It sounds like I'm being lazy, but I believe that Jay went to school in Philly. It was a very ghetto area.

[Tim Dillon]

He's taking Jay out of a Philly school for this. Think of where Jay went to school. Who's switching Jay to another school? Think about it. They're going to Jay and going deal with it. Unless I'm totally wrong, which I could be, but it feels like this is a Bishop Malloy thing. This is not a Philly thing.

[Chris DiStefano]

My mother would tell me to deal with it for sure.

[Tim Dillon]

This is not a Philly thing.

[Big J Okerson]

James had had a lot of problems with being.

[Dan Soder]

If this happened to Jay, they just.

[Chris DiStefano]

Send him to bail, probably at all.

[Big J Okerson]

She's a real pussy, is what I'm saying.

[Chris DiStefano]

Lock it in, bro.

[Big J Okerson]

Locking it in. Big J Okerson.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Big J Elkinson.

[Dan Soder]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's a Jewish thing to do.

[Tim Dillon]

I've lost all respect for Philadelphia.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Told you.

[Dan Soder]

You're so big when you win a super. Oh, fuck.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay, what happened here?

[Chris DiStefano]

I had to go to summer school one year, and they send you to actual. Overbrook High School is where summer school was. I went to a school called Lamberton that was shitty, but west. But Overbrook High School was where we had to go. That's the school where Fresh Prince got in the one little fight and his mom got scared.

[Dan Soder]

Holy.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, where they got. Well, they'll pick you up and spin you around.

[Dan Soder]

Did your mom go like this before? Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

You're moving with your father in Canton, Ohio. He doesn't want you. So you're coming back.

[Dan Soder]

He Jazzy Jeffed you out of.

[Chris DiStefano]

No. So I had to go to Overbrook, and my mom dropped me off in the morning, and it was. I don't know what the reverse of the turd and the punch bowl is, but that's what it was. As I was the only white face in this entire place.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, my little piece of Parmesan.

[Chris DiStefano]

I mean. And I remember. I always remember the kid. His name was John Walden. I saw the first, like, black friend of mine, school friend, at the top of the steps, and I was like, oh, nice. Like a friendly face. And I was like, John. And he went and ignored me. And then I kind of waited outside. Yeah. Yeah. I was like. And I. Yeah, No, I think I had more of like a. Oh, okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Like, oh, I didn't want to. So, like, then they let us all in. They let us all into the school. And then there was somewhere. I found out right away, like, My class wasn't for like an hour or so, so I was there way early. And they go, but you can't just linger in the school for the hour. You got to go outside. So I went back outside and I go, I called my mom from the phone. There's no cell phones. I called her from the pay phone in the school. I was like, hey, can you come get me? Because I don't want to hang out around here for an hour. Like, we'll get breakfast or something, please. And she was like, all right, fine. But she goes, but come to the curb, cause I'm not stopping. And she goes, this neighborhood's crazy. It was bad. It's a bad neighborhood. And so I was waiting on the corner. And then while I was waiting for her, a car pulled up with loud music and weed smoke billowing out of it. And the guy in the driver's seat, it's four people in the car. And the guy in the driver's seat goes, yo, my man, come here. They were black. He goes, yeah, my man, come here. And I go over like a doofus. And he goes, nah, come here. And I put my head like almost through the window. He reaches over his passenger and grabs me and pulls me into the window. He goes, yo, you got some money for me? And I went, no. And he goes, but you're gonna have some tomorrow, right? And I was like, yes. And he goes, and you're gonna have some for me every day for the rest of the summer, aren't you? And I went, uh huh. And then he goes, yeah. And he let me go and he drove away. And then my mom pulled up and my lip was quivering and I got in the car and she was like, what's wrong? And I was like, I can't go back here or you have to give me money to give to a guy every day.

[Big J Okerson]

She was like, you're gonna have to become school treasurer. So to get that money, siphon it.

[Dan Soder]

Siphon it to him.

[Chris DiStefano]

You're skim off the top, baby. So it cost. My other friend was in summer school that year and his mom paid for him to go to some. It was like 100 bucks. And you would get the summer school credit, but you went to one classroom with every kid. Didn't matter what you were there for. PE History. It didn't matter. You were sitting in there and it was a guy with. It was a black dude with so many prefixes and suffixes on his name. It was like, doctor, Reverend, something something, Esquire, dds, Lutheran, and. And he didn't teach us anything except what he wanted to teach us. He would just say about it. It was like prison knowledge. He was like, when the head of the mafia dies, the whole mafia fall apart. It's like the head of the snake. And then he would quiz us on that shit. And then we got credit for summer school.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nice.

[Dan Soder]

Jay comes out wearing one of those Muslim.

[Chris DiStefano]

I was like, you see, mom, what I should have done was spoken to that man about out his inquiry into my money. I should have said, it is my money. But if we need a community, I would share it. If it would come back to me. Tenfold brother.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Good morning, beloved.

[Big J Okerson]

Solid, Alex. After six rounds, it was a big shake up. Just now, Big J got some points. All right, where are our points at?

[Alex]

All right, everyone on the scoreboard. In last place with six points, Lewis J. Gomez.

[Chris DiStefano]

Was a big round for you.

[Alex]

Tied for third place with eight points each. Big J Okerson and Dan Soder.

[Dan Soder]

This game stupid to lie to me.

[Chris DiStefano]

I was going to say together again, but I guess this game.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, no. I'm sorry.

[Chris DiStefano]

No, I don't care.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, baby. I'm sorry, baby. Come on, baby, take those pants.

[Chris DiStefano]

Come on.

[Alex]

Now in second place with 11 points, Tim Dylan.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, damn.

[Tim Dillon]

Wow.

[Alex]

And in the lead with 12 points, Chris Dis pulling it out.

[Dan Soder]

Hush.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Fish him along. We come back, we don't go to summer school.

[Dan Soder]

It is funny when the stories aren't about you and everyone's like this piece.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Of like, it's got to be scumbag Chrissy, that story.

[Tim Dillon]

That's this.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's my first story night, everybody. Every story's been like this. Seems like some Philly face.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we're like, you Jew.

[Tim Dillon]

Alex.

[Big J Okerson]

Story number seven.

[Alex]

Story number seven. I was doing a bar show and I thought I saw one of my friends in the back of the room. I snuck through the crowd and surprised him by running up and tickling him. It wasn't my friend Chrissy D. This.

[Dan Soder]

Is so Chrissy D. I thought Lewis, I thought Lewis, I thought. No, no, this is Chrissy D. No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dude, Lewis is a tickler.

[Big J Okerson]

I am a tickler.

[Dan Soder]

You can't. The funniest part about, like, Jay like.

[Big J Okerson]

Looks like a tough guy.

[Dan Soder]

He's got gloves on. He's so ticklish.

[Big J Okerson]

Adorable.

[Chris DiStefano]

Stop on pee. Come in pee. They're pretty girls.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's Louis. Lewis tickled me in the green room today.

[Big J Okerson]

I do tickle.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, he's a tickle ball.

[Big J Okerson]

Lewis.

[Dan Soder]

Dude, he's too upfront about it right now.

[Chris DiStefano]

Dan, you don't seem like a tickle is disgusting. Even a friend to start with a tickle.

[Dan Soder]

It's too much intimacy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Dan's got those long, gangly fingers.

[Dan Soder]

I'm not tickling across the shadow.

[Chris DiStefano]

Tim, you're going to slide up behind somebody and tickle.

[Tim Dillon]

I have never acknowledged anyone that I have seen that's from my past. I've never acknowledged one person.

[Big J Okerson]

Tim would not tickle somebody.

[Tim Dillon]

If I saw someone I knew, I would be like, I don't even know you.

[Dan Soder]

It just feels.

[Tim Dillon]

Why would I admit to some.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, Tim's not a tickler. Tim is the only person on this panel that has sex with men and he's the straightest of us all. We're the only ones who would tickle and not Tim would never.

[Dan Soder]

We are all way gayer than Tim. Are you saying it out loud? Are you just serial killing it and just saying you did it?

[Big J Okerson]

No, it's not me. I am a tickler. I believe that. This is Chris.

[Tim Dillon]

It's about the secret. Here is the friend. I saw one of my friends in the back of the room. Who's more likely to see a friend in the back of the room of a bar show?

[Big J Okerson]

And I know, by the way, I never ever did bar shows.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, you do.

[Big J Okerson]

I ran my own shows.

[Dan Soder]

Never.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, like five times in my life.

[Dan Soder]

I did.

[Tim Dillon]

Getting booked on a bar show is hard.

[Chris DiStefano]

That was his built in excuse. So he goes, well, I mean, my bar shows, I wasn't counting. He. Lewis will play games like this.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

Because you, you would. You maybe you're running.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay didn't do bar shows. You know what these, these guys.

[Chris DiStefano]

Absolutely.

[Big J Okerson]

Soda and Tim did a lot of bars.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dan was doing bar shows. When Dan was doing bar shows, he was drinking a lot.

[Big J Okerson]

That's right.

[Dan Soder]

That's a. I wasn't a drug tickler.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you tickled me. That's who it was. You thought it was Nate. It was some.

[Big J Okerson]

First off, you don't tickle Nate right into an Emmy's hosting position.

[Dan Soder]

He goes, oh, that feels so good. You're my best friend now. He goes, in Tennessee, that's how we make friends, buddy. You just tickled your way into a best friend.

[Big J Okerson]

This could be Dan or Chris in my opinion.

[Dan Soder]

I feel like you or Chris. I feel like it's you and you're just saying it out loud.

[Big J Okerson]

You can say it to me all you want. You're going to waste your points, my friend.

[Tim Dillon]

It is so hard.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I do not believe this was Tim Dylan at all.

[Tim Dillon]

It Wasn't me, but I don't. I think it was. I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't.

[Tim Dillon]

Do I see Lewis getting off the stage and running towards someone to tickle them, or do you see Chris doing it?

[Dan Soder]

It's not the tickling I could see doing it.

[Chris DiStefano]

The bar show is freaking out. The bar shows freaking me out on Lewis because he's definitely the most likely to run up and.

[Dan Soder]

And that's something. But also that's something that he would put in to throw you off the scent.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

I was doing a bar show, and I thought I saw one of my friends in the back of the room. Lewis has, like, Louis, New York City friends. Like, Chris grew up in New York. Lewis grew up in Westchester. But I guess you could Rock County. Rock.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I know.

[Tim Dillon]

I'm being nice. I don't know. Who do you think's more likely to see their friend in a bar?

[Dan Soder]

I feel like this is a Lewis move.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think it was Dan when his drinking days at a bar. I think. I think he thought it was Nate.

[Tim Dillon]

Now I'm going to go with Chris. I'll probably lose again. But should I go with Lewis?

[Big J Okerson]

It's either Sodor or should I go with Lewis? You shouldn't go with me. Timmy. I wouldn't lie to you. I'm your real friend.

[Tim Dillon]

All right, I'm going with Lewis.

[Dan Soder]

That's Lewis. That's 100% Louis. Right?

[Tim Dillon]

Lewis right now. But it could be Chris.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's not me.

[Big J Okerson]

It's really not Chris.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm telling you, it's Dan Soder. I'm positive I don't tickle my.

[Tim Dillon]

If it's Dan, I don't know what Dan was drinking.

[Big J Okerson]

Dan would tickle his friends, unquestionably.

[Dan Soder]

I never. When did I ever tickle you? When I was drunk.

[Big J Okerson]

You know, you were a. You were a problem when you were drunk.

[Chris DiStefano]

When you black out, the tickle monster woke up.

[Dan Soder]

That's not possible. I don't have a tickle monster that lives inside of me that was prayed away at a young age.

[Big J Okerson]

You know what?

[Dan Soder]

I'm going.

[Big J Okerson]

My first instinct. I've been losing this whole game because I've been second guessing myself. Chris D. He's a tickly, charming son of a.

[Dan Soder]

Absolutely.

[Big J Okerson]

And here it is.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Not a tickler.

[Dan Soder]

Come on.

[Chris DiStefano]

I'm not in yet. I'm going.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't you dare. You're letting somebody pull ahead so far. Jay, you're an idiot. You're a fool.

[Dan Soder]

You're a fool.

[Big J Okerson]

You're. Jay, don't let Your hand.

[Dan Soder]

Go.

[Big J Okerson]

You're an idiot. I swear in my son's life, that's not me.

[Tim Dillon]

You don't.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That wouldn't stop him. I still don't believe him.

[Chris DiStefano]

By the way, I found out 75% of the time when he says that he's lying, Right? I. The AI guy told me that.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, Alex, all of her answers are in.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Dan Soda.

[Dan Soder]

Fuck. You are a tickle monster.

[Big J Okerson]

Drinking Dan. Turns out I'm a drunk tickler.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You see, I was concerned about Dan's alcoholism, and that's how I knew that.

[Tim Dillon]

That's crazy.

[Dan Soder]

The truth is, this was after I quit drinking.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, really?

[Big J Okerson]

That's crazy.

[Chris DiStefano]

Then you just like to tickle crazy.

[Dan Soder]

I don't know. I like to bring joy to people. I was at a bar show in Brooklyn and Billy Wayne Davis, we were both on whiplash at UCB that night. It was like a Monday. And I was at like, Che and Dimesh's show in Brooklyn, and I see a guy in the back. I'm like, oh, it's Billy Wayne. And I just walked in. So I went through the crowd. This is what makes it worse.

[Chris DiStefano]

Can I say something? A person who you think could be a person named Billy Wayne when it's not the right person is a person you shouldn't tickle from behind.

[Dan Soder]

Well, I took a shot at love Jay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, you want to accidentally tickle like a Tyler.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. But as I went through the crowd and I got closer to him, I started going tick or tick or tick.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, God.

[Dan Soder]

And then I. I got into the dude's rib cage and got like three good ticks off. And then I looked up and he was going like this. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I have a picture of me and the dude in my phone. Cuz I was like, this is so funny. I got to take a picture and show my friend Billy Wayne that you look exactly like him. But I just remember coming through that packed ass room going, dick. Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

I mean, the run up is the craziest part. You're watching yourself almost.

[Dan Soder]

I should have got knocked out.

[Chris DiStefano]

You're gearing yourself up.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, I should have been blasted.

[Big J Okerson]

That's wild.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Imagine the guy would have just started coming.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Oh, he goes, oh, okay, you're mine now.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, Alex, where are points? I mean, Dan just cleaned up. I told you guys it wasn't me.

[Chris DiStefano]

Chris got him.

[Dan Soder]

Chris got.

[Big J Okerson]

I started smiling.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I knew it. Dude.

[Alex]

Check the tip on the scoreboard. In last place with six points, Lis J. Gomez. In fourth place with eight points, Big J. Okerson not last. In third place with 11 points, Tim Dillon.

[Tim Dillon]

What happened?

[Louis J. Gomez]

The hell.

[Alex]

In second place with 14 points, Dan Soder.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

What the.

[Tim Dillon]

How many points does he have?

[Chris DiStefano]

The.

[Alex]

And in the lead with 6:15 points, Chris DiStefano.

[Tim Dillon]

This is crazy.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, my God. It is shaking up. Who is gonna take home the Light within the Light?

[Dan Soder]

You've already won, Chris.

[Chris DiStefano]

Portraits of Donald Hall, Richard Wilbur, Maxine Kuman and Stanley Kunitz. The Light within the Light illuminates the personal and professional landscapes of four distinguished poets, offering readers a window into their creative processes. Graham's insightful commentary and the inclusion of Barry Moser's wood engravings enrich the textual portraits. The work stands as a testament to the enduring power of poetry and the human spirit. Are you guys ready for our final story of the night? Wow.

[Dan Soder]

Wow.

[Chris DiStefano]

White within the Light. It's a page turner, Alex. Our final story. Story number eight.

[Alex]

Story number eight. I tried to kiss someone on a roller coaster and went in at the wrong moment. We hit a bump and accidentally butted heads, breaking their nose.

[Dan Soder]

Everyone's gonna say me. I promise you it isn't because that bitch would have been dead.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, that also says, seems like some dirty New Jersey close to Philly. Six Flags. Big J would do.

[Dan Soder]

It's not even a roller coaster. It's just a shopping cart on top of a car.

[Chris DiStefano]

Exit 7A off the turnpike. Dude, Six Flags. Great.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That sounds like someone from Delco county would do that.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but Jay.

[Dan Soder]

That's how me and your dad met.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay when he was younger had no game. He was afraid of women.

[Chris DiStefano]

Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Afraid's the wrong way to put it. That's mean. Now I think it's you, you piece of.

[Big J Okerson]

I always had game.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Ah, this feels.

[Big J Okerson]

It says their nose. So it could be Tim, because he could have just changed it from.

[Tim Dillon]

People don't go on roller coasters. What are you talking about?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, they go into the rest stops off the highway. Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

Who's got a roller coaster?

[Chris DiStefano]

Can't cruise a craziest thing ever.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

Hey, how about you suck a dick while we're going like this?

[Dan Soder]

Right? Crazy.

[Tim Dillon]

What are you trying to get such insane thing?

[Dan Soder]

Trying to get your dick bit off? This is a Chrissy D story.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, you know what? It could be Dan, because Dan's got a look at his head.

[Dan Soder]

I'm telling you right now, that's a.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Head that would break.

[Dan Soder]

This story would have started. I turned a girl. Quadriplegic.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I Decapitated a girl on the road.

[Dan Soder]

I snapped her spine like you on a roller coaster.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's like a final destination.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I legally really can't ride roller coasters with his head.

[Tim Dillon]

We hit a bike. I honestly think it's accidentally butted heads breaking.

[Big J Okerson]

It's Chrissy D. This sounds like a Chris Ed. So Chris said, game always, always a good looking dude.

[Dan Soder]

And then he was like slick enough to be like.

[Tim Dillon]

We have a lot of stories from Chris.

[Dan Soder]

Yo, you're just so kissable.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, it hurts. You so pretty.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, you so fall see him.

[Chris DiStefano]

I gotta get it right now. I to get it right now. Yo, give it to me on the great America Scream show.

[Dan Soder]

Yo, sh. Keep your hands inside the car. This is Chrissy D. 100% Chrissy D. No, again, it's.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's Big J.

[Dan Soder]

Get it. No, as I know it's Chris. He just went, no.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How many times do I have to tell you? It's snow. Oh, yeah. Use it. No, I.

[Tim Dillon]

What do you think?

[Big J Okerson]

I'm leaning toward Christie.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I honestly don't go on rides like that.

[Dan Soder]

He goes, bro, after I broke that bitch's nose.

[Tim Dillon]

Oops.

[Chris DiStefano]

Would you believe she still sucked the Brajo? I don't mind a little sauce on my noodle.

[Dan Soder]

Do you remember, remember the time you broke the girl's nose on the loop Diddy loop?

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone voted Chrissy Day.

[Dan Soder]

I meant to tell you that. Almost me in the long run.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, all of our answers are in. This is our final story. I have no idea who's gonna win this. I can't even. I don't remember what points are. Whose story was this? Alex?

[Chris DiStefano]

It's not us, Louis. It's not us.

[Big J Okerson]

We're not winning.

[Alex]

Unquestionably, that story belongs to Chris Deano.

[Tim Dillon]

So.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yep.

[Tim Dillon]

So who wins?

[Big J Okerson]

Well, we'll tell in a minute, but.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Chris, what happened here at Hershey park in Pennsylvania? This girl Lisa, we all went down there. I was like 16 and my boys were sitting behind me and they were like, whole time they're like, oh, dare to kiss her. Dare to kiss her. And I was like, I'm gonna go for it. On the roller coaster was called the Comet. Nice in her shoes. A wooden roller coaster. And we're going up, right? And I'm like, I'm going to do it at the top. Like at the very top is what.

[Tim Dillon]

I'm going to do it.

[Dan Soder]

Were you about to hit her with a line like, you want to make this coaster even more of a thrill ride?

[Louis J. Gomez]

And it was one of those like.

[Big J Okerson]

You got to be this tall to ride. Chrissy D. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was like a lap bar, right? It wasn't so I. We could move. So I said, I'm just going to go in and kiss her because it was beautiful. Like at the top. It was like twilight. And I was going to. My plan was I was like, hey, look over. Look at this beautiful sky. And so my plane was like, oh, look over. The sky is gorgeous. And she went to like, look. And then I turned to kiss her and the roller coaster started descending. And it hit. Cause it's wooden. It hit like a piece and my head just slammed to her head and she literally covered in blood. And then the ride is going, you know, 80 miles an hour. My friends behind me were all getting sprayed with blood.

[Tim Dillon]

So I.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So she literally. We get back into the station and she's hysterical, crying.

[Dan Soder]

Did it look like when Fabio got hit by that pigeon?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, dude. It was so bad. And my boys were like, you know, like blood all over the shirt. I'll never forget, dude, my. One of my friends, my friend Pete. Shout out Pete. He had blood all over. Sure. He was mad. He goes, this is a brand new Ed Hardy.

[Dan Soder]

And he was expensive too.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, A Remember that was big back then. And then we went to the, you know, tent at Hershey, part the, you know, hospital thing they have there. And I went with her, of course, and they're patching up her nose and now she has two huge tissues up her nose. And then my friend Pete goes, I dare to try to kiss her again. And I did.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I swear to God. We can't swear to God.

[Chris DiStefano]

There.

[Dan Soder]

You did what? It is even better. Wow.

[Chris DiStefano]

Forgive.

[Dan Soder]

I love it.

[Chris DiStefano]

All great stories. Alex, what is our final tally?

[Alex]

All right, our final scores. In Last place with 10 points, Louis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

I rarely come in last. I have the most wins in Story wars history.

[Dan Soder]

You had to be humbled.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Once in a while you gotta lose one big.

[Alex]

In fourth place with 12 points, Big J. Okerson.

[Chris DiStefano]

That feels good.

[Alex]

Beat Lewis in third place with 15 points, Tim Dillon in second place with 16 points, Chrissy D. Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

Yes.

[Alex]

And your winner tonight with 18 points, Dan Soder.

[Dan Soder]

Yes.

[Chris DiStefano]

Dan Sodor. You are taking home a brand new copy of the Light within the Light. Portraits of Donald Hall, Richard Wilbourne, Maxine Kuhlman and Stanley Kunis by Gene Bram.

[Dan Soder]

My father fought in Vietnam, but he couldn't win that war. I had to win this one.

[Chris DiStefano]

Congratulations, Dan. You are the newest story where and now you get a certain privilege double points.

[Dan Soder]

Yes. Oh, free me from my prison, everybody.

[Chris DiStefano]

Thank you for being here for Story. Did you ladies have a great time? Fuck yeah, they did. One more big round of applause for everybody on our panel. Your winner, Dan Sotar. Great Christmas step. No specials on Hulu. Tim Dylan. New special available right now on Netflix.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Good ship, baby.

[Chris DiStefano]

For the Story Warriors, I'm Big J Okerson.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm the Puerto Rican, Lewis J. Gomez.

[Chris DiStefano]

We'll catch you next time. Until then, peace. Thank you.