041. Nick Rochefort, Kevin Ryan, & Crack Amico | NYC

Summary

Story Warz - Episode 041: Nick Rochefort, Kevin Ryan, & Crack Amico | NYC

Release Date: May 16, 2025

Introduction

In Episode 041 of Story Warz, hosted by GaS Digital Network, comedians Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez dive into an exhilarating session of their signature game, Story Warz: A Game of Deceptive Storytelling. Filmed live at The Stand Comedy Club in New York City, this episode features three notable comedians: Nick Rochefort, Kevin Ryan, and Crack Amico. The central theme for this session revolves around the vibrant and chaotic backdrop of New York City.

Game Setup

At [02:23], the hosts introduce the contestants:

• Kevin Ryan: Known for his appearances on the "Are You Garbage?" podcast and the "Are You Garbage? Route 66" comedy special on YouTube.
• Crack Amico: The unofficial rapper of the Gas Digital and Legion of Skanks universe, bringing his unique style and humor.
• Nick Rochefort: Recognized from "Life with Sam Hyde" and as the "Scuffed Realtor", Nick brings his wacky endeavors to the game.

Rules Explained

At [06:23], Luis J. Gomez outlines the rules:

1. Submission: Each participant submits three to five true stories related to the subject—in this case, New York City.
2. Presentation: Producer Alex reads out eight stories in random order.
3. Objective:
   • If the story is yours, you must convincingly pretend it’s not.
   • If the story is not yours, you must deduce whose story it is.
4. Scoring:
   • 2 Points: Correctly identifying the owner of a story.
   • 1 Point: Successfully deceiving others into believing your story isn’t yours.

The stakes are high, with the prize being a brand-new copy of "The Gray House" by Shawna Martzel. Luis emphasizes the book's chilling narrative based on true events, adding an extra layer of intrigue to the competition.

Story Rounds and Key Interactions

1. First Story ([09:58]–[12:17]): A late night of drinking and walking across a bridge to watch the sunrise.

   • Big Jay suspects Nick due to the mention of Cocaine-fueled nights.
   • Crack Amico defends his non-drinking persona, pointing fingers at Kevin.
   • Nick Rochefort reveals his heavy drinking habits, subtly shifting suspicion.
   • Kevin Ryan humorously admits to having "something to live for" despite the serious theme.
   • Outcome: Nick's authenticity earns him recognition as the rightful storyteller.

   Notable Quote:
   Big Jay Oakerson [10:26]: “Kevin, is this your third appearance or second appearance?”
   Nick Rochefort [14:17]: “It's 100. Kevin.”

2. Second Story ([20:30]–[22:49]): Arranging a surprise threesome that backfires.

   • Big Jay and Crack Amico debate the plausibility, questioning who would have the confidence to set up such a surprise.
   • Nick Rochefort shares a humorous and relatable tale about a failed attempt that led to marriage and kids.
   • Kevin Ryan emphasizes his loyalty, steering suspicion away from himself.
   • Outcome: Nick's detailed and coherent narrative secures another point for him.

   Notable Quote:
   Nick Rochefort [27:05]: “So I was getting all these. I was... We were at dinner at, like, Beauty in Essex... And it was like, Russian Goth girls. I was like, this is gonna be so dope.”

3. Third Story ([31:46]–[36:18]): Vandalizing a Van Gogh at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

   • Big Jay crafts a vivid story about youthful rebellion and thrill.
   • Crack Amico points out the inconsistency, questioning who would disrespect art.
   • Lewis Gomez and Big Jay engage in playful banter, attempting to mislead others.
   • Outcome: The story is attributed to Lewis J. Gomez, as confirmed by Alex, despite suspicions directed elsewhere.

   Notable Quote:
   Lewis J. Gomez [37:00]: “I was like, hey, guys, I'm gonna go fucking in the mitzvah tank and see what they do.”

4. Fourth Story ([40:30]–[46:53]): Buying expensive drinks and fleeing the scene.

   • Big Jay and Crack Amico analyze the financial feasibility and behavioral patterns of each contestant.
   • Lewis J. Gomez humorously recounts a personal mishap involving an $86 bill and a $90 account balance.
   • Outcome: The story is correctly identified as Lewis's, adding valuable points to his tally.

   Notable Quote:
   Lewis J. Gomez [44:48]: “It's me. All right.”

5. Fifth Story ([54:30]–[61:24]): Crying on a subway while a homeless musician plays.

   • Big Jay and Crack Amico debate the authenticity, with Lewis hinting at his emotional side.
   • Outcome: The narrative is attributed to Big Jay, despite initial confusion and playful accusations.

   Notable Quote:
   Big Jay Oakerson [58:36]: “I feel like I'm at the Shelter.”

6. Sixth Story ([64:30]–[87:46]): Joining a mobile mitzvah tank and praying as a joke.

   • Big Jay shares an amusing and awkward experience attempting to join a religious group under false pretenses.
   • Crack Amico and Nick Rochefort scrutinize the details, ultimately attributing the story to Big Jay.
   • Outcome: The story is confirmed to belong to Lewis J. Gomez, despite suspicions pointing to Big Jay.

   Notable Quote:
   Lewis J. Gomez [68:22]: “Jay doesn't look happy.”

7. Seventh Story ([75:02]–[93:07]): Engaging in a cab scenario that goes sideways.

   • Nick Rochefort narrates a chaotic and humorous real-life incident involving friends, a cab driver, and unexpected behavior.
   • Big Jay and Lewis J. Gomez engage in witty exchanges, attempting to unveil the storyteller.
   • Outcome: The story is correctly identified as Nick's, solidifying his position in the game.

   Notable Quote:
   Nick Rochefort [93:22]: “All right. This is a true story. All right? I went to college in Staten Island.”

Scoring Updates

Throughout the episode, Alex provides periodic scoreboard updates, reflecting the dynamic and competitive nature of the game. The points fluctuate as participants successfully identify or deceive each other’s stories. Key moments include:

• After the First Round ([20:03]): Nick and Crack each secure two points, while Big Jay and Lewis trail slightly.
• Mid-Game Tension ([39:16]–[51:10]): Crack Amico overtakes others, leading the scoreboard with significant points.
• Final Stretch ([80:07]–[90:53]): The competition intensifies with strategic guesses and last-minute revelations, leading to a tight finish.

Climactic Conclusion

In the final rounds, the tension peaks as each contestant vies to outsmart the others. Lewis J. Gomez emerges as the victor with a narrow lead, securing the coveted copy of "The Gray House" by Shawna Martzel. The hosts celebrate the winner amidst playful banter and humorous exchanges, encapsulating the lighthearted yet competitive spirit of Story Warz.

Notable Quote:
Nick Rochefort [93:15]: “Congratulations to Crack Amico, our newest story warrior.”

Final Remarks

Episode 041 of Story Warz masterfully blends humor, strategy, and personal anecdotes, providing listeners with an engaging and entertaining experience. The competitive interactions, coupled with memorable stories and sharp wit from all participants, make this episode a standout installment in the Story Warz series.

Highlights:

• Engaging Gameplay: The deceptive storytelling format keeps both participants and listeners on their toes.
• Character Dynamics: The chemistry between Big Jay Oakerson, Luis J. Gomez, and the contestants adds depth and humor.
• Memorable Quotes: Sharp and witty remarks punctuate the game, enhancing the overall entertainment value.

Whether you're a regular listener or new to Story Warz, Episode 041 offers a rich and enjoyable experience that captures the essence of New York City's vibrant storytelling landscape.

Transcript

[Lewis J. Gomez]

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[Big J. Okerson]

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[Lewis J. Gomez]

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[Big J. Okerson]

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[Lewis J. Gomez]

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[Big J. Okerson]

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[Lewis J. Gomez]

Get started risk [e-mail] wondry what's going on?

[Big J. Okerson]

Story Warriors? Very excited to announce that we have merch available right now at our brand new website, storywarsmerch.com so if you guys want to rep the show that you love and you do love it, there's so many different things. We have great designs. We have double point shirts, story warrior shirts, hoodies. Everything you guys want. Rep the show that you guys love. Whether you got double points or double tits. Guess what? Story wars has you covered. Go to storywarsmerch.com that story wars with a Z merch.com and grab your T shirts or hoodies. Today we're gonna have other stuff coming out. This is the first limited run. These are all limited edition designs, so grab them now before they disappear.

[Crack Amico]

Hey, real quick, before we start today's story wars extravaganza, let's talk about one of our amazing sponsors, longtime sponsors for all things gas, digital and story wars. It is. Yo kratom. $60 kilo. First of all, pretty impressive.

[Big J. Okerson]

I've never purchased a kilo of anything except for kratom. And for $60, at this point, what can you even get? Like you used to be able to get video games, sneakers, jeans. All of these things have gone up. A hundred bucks, 200 bucks. Who knows how much it is? But one thing that will always stay constant is your price of a kilo of kratom from your kratom dot com.

[Crack Amico]

Me, I got a couple bucks in my pocket, so I'm stacking bricks, dog.

[Big J. Okerson]

Hell yeah, dude, stacking bricks.

[Crack Amico]

Yocrom is home of the 60 kilo, 2.2 pounds of kratom. High quality, lab tested, delivered right to your door. Support the companies that support your favorite kinds of comedy. Yo Kratom is leading the charge in that. Make sure you check them out right now and grab yourself one of those $60 kilos. Yocratum.com all right, let's start this show.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Fill her up.

[Crack Amico]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Big J. Okerson]

Ladies and gentlemen, live from New York Comedy Club and Story wars with the story Warriors, Big J. Okerson and Louis J. Gomez.

[Crack Amico]

What is up, everybody? Welcome to our new home, the New York Comedy Club for story Wars. Make some noise near your part. The first one.

[Big J. Okerson]

Wow.

[Crack Amico]

Part of a very special night.

[Big J. Okerson]

This is huge. I'm very excited. We're back in New York. It's been a while. We took like almost an entire month off for New York City shows of a brand new partner in the New York Comedy Club and they're great, man. I really wanted to say thank you. If you guys are in the New York area, for the people watching at home, come visit the New York Comedy Club. They have three locations right here in New York City. What a great. What a great club. Not saying that the other club wasn't great, but, you know, there was issues.

[Crack Amico]

There was, in fact, issues. How many people here are familiar with the game Story Wars?

[Big J. Okerson]

This couple right here is not. They have no idea what this is.

[Crack Amico]

But they came on a good night. You're going to enjoy yourselves or walk out early. I hope it's not that. I hope you stay for the whole thing. How many people here besides this couple are not familiar Story Wars?

[Big J. Okerson]

Just raise your. Look at the.

[Crack Amico]

Look at how boring though.

[Big J. Okerson]

The boring. How boring the people are that don't know the show.

[Crack Amico]

They're like, I guess, though it is weird, the cheer, like hyped. Who doesn't know the show.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Crack Amico]

I've never heard of this in my life. This is crazy. I think we came to the wrong place. We're going to get our contestants up here for story wars and then we will give you an explanation how the game works. In no particular order, everybody, our first guest, you know him from the are you garbage? Podcast. The are you garbage? Route 66 comedy special is available right now on YouTube. How about it for the hilarious Kevin Ryan? Everybody unimpressed? She won't clap until she knows. I like that. I appreciate it. No, I like it. Make us earn it. I appreciate that.

[Big J. Okerson]

Kevin, is this your third appearance or second appearance?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Third appearance.

[Crack Amico]

Wow.

[Big J. Okerson]

Have you ever won?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I have won.

[Big J. Okerson]

He's a story warrior, folks.

[Crack Amico]

Here we go.

[Big J. Okerson]

Our second competitor today, you guys know him as, I mean, basically the official rapper of the entire gas, digital and legion of skanks universe. Very talented performer. Clap it up as ladder skin for the one and only Crack Amiko.

[Crack Amico]

Yeah, she clapped her white rap look. She turned rapper and then we saw he was a white guy. She was like, yeah, okay.

[Big J. Okerson]

She loves wiggers and that's her thing.

[Crack Amico]

It's her one thing. Who knew? Last but not least, our final contestant, Perfect guy. Life with Sam Hyde is the show scuffed realtor. You know him from all his wacky endeavors. How about it for the hilarious Nick Rochefort, everybody?

[Big J. Okerson]

Nick, it is your second appearance on Story Wars. We're happy to have you back.

[Nick Rochefort]

I'm so excited to be in your new place. I hope you're happy here, Lewis.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm. I feel. You know what? It feels great already, guys. I love it. They can't turn the lights down, but that's okay.

[Crack Amico]

Hey, hey, look. Every place.

[Nick Rochefort]

Always time to flip out.

[Crack Amico]

Story wars, if you're not familiar, is a very simple game. Everybody on this panel, all five of us, including Lewis and I, have submitted three to five stories on one particular subject. Today's subject, Louis.

[Big J. Okerson]

New York City.

[Crack Amico]

New York City.

[Big J. Okerson]

To celebrate our brand new home, the New York Comedy Club.

[Crack Amico]

New York Comedy Club, our lovely producer Alex will read eight of these stories off in no particular order, in random order. If it is your story, you're the only person who knows that it is your job to fool people that it is not your story. If it's not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.

[Big J. Okerson]

And for every time you guess correctly, you get two points. Every person you fooled, you get one point. Once you write the name on the dry erase report, the dry race board in the slot, that is your final answer. You cannot change it. It sounds very confusing, but you guys are gonna. You're gonna get it very easily. I promise you guys. And by the way, I know what you're thinking. You're like, this sounds like a fun game. That's enough. They're probably just playing for fun. That's not true, folks. We're not just playing for fun. Jay, tell them what we're playing for today.

[Crack Amico]

High stakes. We always play for a book from the story Awards library. Today, the book goes to the winner, a brand new copy of the Gray House by Shawna Martzel.

[Big J. Okerson]

The big deal.

[Crack Amico]

Based on true events, the Gray House follows a family's chilling return to a former residence, unaware that something malevolent has lingered behind its walls. As strange events unfold, they're forced to confront buried memories and a haunting legacy they never intended to reclaim. With each passing day, the house reveals new secrets, pulling them deeper into a web of spiritual unrest and long forgotten tragedies. Brand new copy.

[Big J. Okerson]

Brand new copy. We haven't even read it ourselves.

[Crack Amico]

So brand new. This binding is perfect.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's the stupidest bit, but I love it. I love the Shit out of it.

[Big J. Okerson]

What bit?

[Crack Amico]

Bit? It's surprise of the game.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My apologies.

[Crack Amico]

Yeah, I mean, if you don't want the book. It's brand new copy of the Gray House. Shauna marks off.

[Big J. Okerson]

Dude, he's so pissed. He came. He came for stand up comedy and this guy's furious.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wait, this couple?

[Big J. Okerson]

This? Yeah, I mean, they have no idea what they're in for.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I thought my parents were here.

[Nick Rochefort]

This investor you brought with you, Lewis.

[Big J. Okerson]

Miss.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Just give me 60 minutes of your time, sir.

[Big J. Okerson]

Miss, if you're here, who's saying the N word at a little kid in the park right now? That's what I want to know.

[Crack Amico]

Her sister. Sis. I gotta go to a comedy show, tag in.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She's. She's got. That fuse is lit. She's out of here in about 14 minutes.

[Crack Amico]

I try to ingratiate and Lewis is the opposite. He goes, they're not gonna like us. So I hate them already. They're not.

[Big J. Okerson]

They're.

[Crack Amico]

They're sweet people.

[Big J. Okerson]

They're very nice, they're very good.

[Crack Amico]

They're here to have a good time. Listen, they're envious. I assume one of them has read the Gray House by Shauna Martol.

[Big J. Okerson]

What if she is Shauna Martzoff?

[Crack Amico]

Holy shit.

[Big J. Okerson]

Shauna Martzl came for the show and sat in the front row to give.

[Crack Amico]

Me back my book. I won't be a part of this nonsense. I think there's no further questions. Are we ready for war? Are we ready for war? And with no further ado.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I love it.

[Crack Amico]

Alex. Story number one.

[Alex]

Story number one. After a late night of drinking, I decided to walk across the bridge and watch the sunrise. A guy thought I was about to jump and said, it's gonna be okay, man.

[Big J. Okerson]

Okay, so I'm only going based off of who should kill themselves. And I think that this might be a big J story.

[Crack Amico]

Really?

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Crack Amico]

That makes me think it's you right away because I'm trying to think of who's a simp that would walk across a bridge. Do you not know? Sunrise?

[Big J. Okerson]

Okay, you think I was thinking about a girl?

[Crack Amico]

I'm sure this doesn't seem like which one of us. Here goes. Hey, you know what? I'm gonna go lonely. Watch the sunrise on the other side of this bridge. I assume this is a chick. I thought either to me this was Nick or you, Louis. And the fact you threw it to me right away.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Suspicious is very suspicious.

[Big J. Okerson]

Nick, are you a big drinker?

[Nick Rochefort]

I'm a huge drinker.

[Big J. Okerson]

Because this is. This is.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, Sunrises by any chance?

[Nick Rochefort]

The asshole birds? This is a cocaine field story if you're not paying attention. Sunrise.

[Big J. Okerson]

Sunrises. Yeah.

[Nick Rochefort]

Come on. You don't drink when the sun is coming up.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's true.

[Crack Amico]

Lewis, you picked the wrong guy to accuse in me. Dude. All these things aren't me. Late night of drinking. I don't have any of those. Walking across a bridge.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm an Uber puller. I see.

[Crack Amico]

If they're a late night of drinking, I'm hoping I'm hooking up or something. A walk across the bridge does not seem like we're getting towards hooking up at any point. And I would have bailed on this way earlier and been like, ah, I'm good. It was great hanging out, but enjoy the sunrise.

[Big J. Okerson]

Crack, amico. When did you stop drinking?

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't even visit New York for the first time until I was sober for like two years.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, well, none of the questions are going to be about him.

[Big J. Okerson]

He's like. He's like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

One time I watched here today.

[Big J. Okerson]

He's like, at the end of Seplis in Seattle, I watched something, something crack.

[Crack Amico]

Amigos. An artist, though. Maybe he was looking for inspiration from the sun. The rise of the sun.

[Kevin Ryan]

I wouldn't be drinking, though.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This could all be a lie, too. He could be making that up. He could have been here drinking.

[Crack Amico]

That's true.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. He can make up this part. Yeah. The stories have to be true.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, the story is. I'm just saying he could have been.

[Big J. Okerson]

Kevin, you a big drinker?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm a.

[Crack Amico]

A problematic. Problematic. So maybe what the.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Some might say that was a little too real. I was talking to your family earlier. They said it's a bit of a problem.

[Crack Amico]

He goes, yeah, me and all his friends are actually pretty worried.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Is that why you invited my parents here?

[Big J. Okerson]

This is an intervention.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Mom, dad, you're in the same room again.

[Crack Amico]

Or they just pulled out a note. They go, kevin, I remember when you were a little boy. You were a ray of sunshine until the drugs got a hold of you.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm telling you, I'm leading Nick, and I'll tell you why. Because Nick is not from New York. He lives in Rhode Island. Kevin's been living here for a while now. Right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I'm not a bridge guy.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, but it says the. It says the bridge. There's so many bridges.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I would have been like, the gw.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, the gw. The Brooklyn Bridge, Manhattan Bridge. There's all of these different bridges. To not specify the bridge is a person who doesn't really Know which bridge he was on that.

[Crack Amico]

Are you allowed to walk across all of them? I never, I will never know.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

As somebody who's been doing this show three times, this is what he does.

[Big J. Okerson]

What do I do? Kick kick ass and take names.

[Crack Amico]

I'm telling you, Louis, this is what he does.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm all out of bubble gum loose.

[Crack Amico]

Lewis's mistake to me was accusing me out of the gates when none of this is me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, this is a very.

[Big J. Okerson]

I had a, you know, a brief period of three years where I did cocaine every night. And this easily could be one of my coke fueled nights. It is, I'll admit that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're going, Louis.

[Crack Amico]

I think I am going to go.

[Big J. Okerson]

Big J's not a big drinker. I will say, I jot starts.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm trying to think of who would be approachable enough for this man to come up and say, hey, it's okay. I feel like Lewis, the guy would stay away.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, that's true.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Lewis would also have a knife, a blade out.

[Big J. Okerson]

Like, I'll throw you off this bridge. Don't talk to me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I'll take you out with me, man.

[Crack Amico]

You want to come with, old man? Mind your beeswax.

[Big J. Okerson]

Mind your bees wax. I'm gonna go with my instincts. I'm leaning Nick right now, not knowing the bridge.

[Crack Amico]

I'm gonna be bummed if it's Nick because that was.

[Nick Rochefort]

It's 100. Kevin.

[Big J. Okerson]

You think it's Kevin?

[Nick Rochefort]

Oh yeah. He's played this game three times. I've watched you guys game each other. I'm sitting back here just watching you guys like out game each other like they'll never know.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I will vouch to tell the truth this whole entire show. Yeah, this one is me, me, crackheaded.

[Nick Rochefort]

He's the most approachable guy. Who the hell on this stage. Who the hell would you walk up to if they're going to kill themselves? It'd be Kevin. And no, no one knows the problem.

[Big J. Okerson]

True.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I've also been killing a couple of times.

[Nick Rochefort]

Sweet faced guy. Don't kill yourself, man.

[Crack Amico]

It's not a bad argument.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You clearly have something to live for.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Unlike the other guys on the stage.

[Crack Amico]

Kevin is the most likely to have someone stop and be like, hey, bud, bud, bud, it's going to be fine. Like, yeah, Louis.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Nobody's trying to stop a wigger from killing themselves, right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He's going, no one will miss you.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm still going with my first instincts. I'm first to vote right here. Nick Rochefort is my vote.

[Crack Amico]

He's lying. His first instinct was me.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah, he is lying.

[Big J. Okerson]

I just want to say mean things to you.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think I should kill myself or Kevin and I'm. I'm split down the middle. Pause.

[Crack Amico]

I hear arguments for both.

[Nick Rochefort]

Does it go in a way or is this a lock in. I'm gonna go with Kevin. I'm 100 sure that everybody's really fond of the guy who probably made them a nice sandwich at his local bakery.

[Kevin Ryan]

I just now thought about how bad my hand handwriting is.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, crack. His dyslexic.

[Nick Rochefort]

He's writing backwards now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, I'm going to go now.

[Crack Amico]

Who's Kenvy?

[Big J. Okerson]

All right. I think all of our answers are in Alex.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Kevin Ryan.

[Big J. Okerson]

What?

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah. Never a damn hell yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Nick came to play.

[Crack Amico]

Damn. Yeah, Nick came to play. He's the. Yeah. That was just laid out why it was you and it just was very like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Just let me, let me out. Make. Make. Make myself look like an. I was like, you know what? It's Kevin. He's tap dancing too much.

[Big J. Okerson]

Which bridge was this, Kevin?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The George Washington Bridge.

[Big J. Okerson]

The gw?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Which I did put in there. And I was like they're going to for sure.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's a crazy bridge to be walking. First of all, it's at 181st Street.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I live all the way up there.

[Crack Amico]

Where the coast Were you two states study from borough to borough.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I was, I was seeing what Jersey had was like at 6 in the morning. No, I got all up at Patty's right down the street and.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, you got up in Gramercy and went up to the George Washington Bridge. That is psychotic.

[Crack Amico]

You lived up there?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I live up there.

[Big J. Okerson]

Okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So I got, I. I got out of the cab. It was beautiful. Beautiful when the sun was coming up. This is so. I've never walked.

[Big J. Okerson]

He's talking about Washington Heights, folks. Yeah, it was.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Horrible neighborhood. The sun was beautiful and I was like, I'll walk across the bridge.

[Crack Amico]

Women get murdered in that park yearly. Many ritualistically, often. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're not wrong.

[Nick Rochefort]

He's the wrong shape to rape though. You know what I mean?

[Crack Amico]

True.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah. You don't rape that silhouette.

[Crack Amico]

It's true. Even if you don't talk this silhouette off of a bridge, you don't.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And this was back in the day when there was no railing. Like there was just like a railing. Like a three foot railing. That's it. You could just easily jump over. And they had a guy 247 posted up in a box like a little booth up There. And I didn't know.

[Big J. Okerson]

What a depressing job to have.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I know.

[Big J. Okerson]

Stopping, by the way, from killing themselves or watching them kill themselves.

[Crack Amico]

Well, it's all watching. Because the booth would have to have some kind of a motorized thing would go back and forth. Someone's jumping over there. You gotta go. Ah, shit. You gotta get in your booth, sir. There's so many reasons to live.

[Nick Rochefort]

Wait.

[Crack Amico]

Son of a. Cersei. Oh.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So I didn't realize. I didn't know at first. I just thought he was just another weird guy on the bridge. And he's like, how you doing, man? And I'm like, I'm cool. How are you? And meanwhile, I'm like, check out one last shirt's ripped. And I look like I just lost it all at a casino. I had been drinking for, like, 10 hours. And he's like, yeah. But the worst thing is I took a picture of the bridge, posted it on, like, Instagram and Facebook, and then my phone died. So I was like. I was, like, taking a nice stroll over the bridge, and then my phone died. I went home and passed out for, like, eight hours. And my whole. Everybody that ever met me thought I jumped off the bridge. All right, well, in actuality, I had McDonald's and went to bed. Ten hours. But, yeah, he was like, it's not worth it. And then I was like, oh, no, I'm not gonna kill myself. And he's like, okay.

[Crack Amico]

He's like, no, I mean, McDonald's this time. It's not worth it. Just go to sleep.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Gonna go right to your.

[Crack Amico]

You don't really want it.

[Big J. Okerson]

You think once in a while, he. He doesn't try that hard to get somebody to set themselves up and kill himself because he wants to keep his job. It's like, twice a year. He's like, do it. Yeah.

[Crack Amico]

There'd still be good numbers.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Crack Amico]

If you were like, oh, I'm like, 78 for 80.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wait, you think there's 80 people going up there?

[Crack Amico]

Yeah, I'd have to think, I guess. Jumping off a bridge a year. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Crack Amico]

You don't know. Most of them, they're just gone.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Like, I guess in my eyes, it makes the news or something.

[Crack Amico]

If you're gonna kill yourself, that's the way to do it.

[Big J. Okerson]

Kevin, I believe you just tricked three people. Alex, where is our point spread at.

[Alex]

On the scoreboard with zero points each. Lewis J. Gomez and Big J Okerson.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's one. It's one round. We're good.

[Nick Rochefort]

Slow starting, huh, Lewis? Jesus Christ.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's all good. Maybe this place is bad luck.

[Nick Rochefort]

We're getting gamed.

[Alex]

And with two points each. Kevin Ryan crack. Amico and Nick.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Look at this. The boys came to play. Oh, yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

We are embarrassing ourselves, Jay.

[Crack Amico]

It's heating up early, buddy. We're gonna be absolutely fine, Alex. Story number two.

[Alex]

Story number two. I thought my serious girlfriend would be into having a threesome. After arranging a surprise rendezvous at a New York City hotel, it turned out that she hated that idea and would never do that.

[Big J. Okerson]

Surprise rendezvous is crazy. Setting up a surprise without having the conversation.

[Crack Amico]

This has Lewis or me written all over it. Yeah, and it ain't me.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, I mean, Jay is into having threesomes, but most of his women are.

[Crack Amico]

Oh, yeah, I'm into it. Hey, guys, I'm into it.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah, I hate those nasty things.

[Crack Amico]

Yeah, guys, so I'm in.

[Big J. Okerson]

All right, fine. Every guy is into having threesomes. But you regularly have threesomes with your girlfriend, and she is into it. So that's why I'm thinking it's not you. But this could be. But this could be one of his ex girlfriends. Sure, but I don't think Jay would have the confidence to set up a surprise, Ron.

[Crack Amico]

Oh, who would have that kind of masculine confidence? You, Louis. Exactly like I said.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah.

[Crack Amico]

Look at you. You don't know how to not be an egomaniac. You give yourself away. Jay wouldn't be this badass and balls out to do something this radical and cool. No, I couldn't be this much of a dope.

[Big J. Okerson]

I wouldn't be stupid enough to not preemptively set it up, have the conversation, know what's going on. Sure. There's three other guys here who would probably also do that.

[Nick Rochefort]

When you're blown out on coke, you're not thinking right, Louis. You know what I mean?

[Big J. Okerson]

Just.

[Nick Rochefort]

You're not licking your lips and rubbing.

[Crack Amico]

Your nose, making business plans.

[Nick Rochefort]

Crack could pull this off, though.

[Crack Amico]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Maybe too.

[Kevin Ryan]

It seems like kind of a party thing to do, which again. Well, I've had a. Since I first visited New York, I've had a long time serious girl. And I'm loyal. I don't try and do that. Kind of. And I think.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, it doesn't mean you're not loyal. You. You know, she's.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love her too much.

[Big J. Okerson]

You love her too much. Have a threesome, girl.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we love our wives too much.

[Big J. Okerson]

It would.

[Kevin Ryan]

Everything up, man.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You heathen.

[Big J. Okerson]

Gayest thing I've ever heard.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

As you're talking about your longtime girlfriend.

[Crack Amico]

It's not very hip hop.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm in love. What can I tell you guys? I'm not embarrassed about it.

[Nick Rochefort]

The investor's wife hates love.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I also don't think that Kev would try this. I think this is a Lewis or Nick thing now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I fucking fuck you, dude.

[Big J. Okerson]

You're loyal like me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't think Kev has the big enough dick to try to pull this thing off.

[Crack Amico]

This is a huge cocked awesome, broad thing. Probably like Lewis just a fucking radical, badass motherfucker. Who would have the balls to fucking pull some shit like this off.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I hate. I love this game, but it's just like all of the people I like, I feel like they're lying to me. It's the world. Or they're very mean to me and I think it's the wrong way.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're loyal guys.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We're on separate teams right now, dude.

[Big J. Okerson]

Nick, how long you been married to your wife?

[Nick Rochefort]

15 years.

[Big J. Okerson]

15 years?

[Nick Rochefort]

No, I've been married 10. I've been with her 15 years.

[Big J. Okerson]

15 years. Yeah. Did you guys visit New York City a lot together before you got married?

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Wow.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah, I do.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I. I just met Nick in the green room and he was like, yeah. I'm staying at this hotel. It's cool, trendy hotel. A lot of weird sex stuff happens there all the time.

[Nick Rochefort]

So I feel like I subscribe to this website called the Upside Down Pineapple website. I feel like you guys are on there.

[Crack Amico]

Remember?

[Nick Rochefort]

You guys remember me? Yeah. You guys remember that time you were rubbing my back and you were like, get her, Nick.

[Big J. Okerson]

Get her.

[Nick Rochefort]

That was fun, wasn't it, for you? I was working my ass off.

[Crack Amico]

I really. I hope these two lovely people are hardcore swingers. That would be great.

[Nick Rochefort]

I just hope they're hard.

[Crack Amico]

Huh? You're not a couple. Oh.

[Big J. Okerson]

What does that mean?

[Nick Rochefort]

Fuck does that mean?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're swimmers.

[Nick Rochefort]

I told you they were on that website.

[Crack Amico]

You're gay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're gay.

[Big J. Okerson]

You're gay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So is Jay.

[Crack Amico]

He's your best friend. Nice. Awesome.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Lovely couple.

[Big J. Okerson]

Sir, language.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wrong show.

[Big J. Okerson]

Whoa.

[Crack Amico]

Monday nights.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm so sorry for the rest of the people in here.

[Crack Amico]

Sir, if we could have you come Monday nights to the stand, that'd be fantastic. Legion of Skanks, where we not only are okay with, but encourage that kind of behavior.

[Big J. Okerson]

Fuck. But even honestly, I could see Jay doing this as well. I really could. New York City hotel. You're coming to New York City? For years and years and years. This could be you and your ex. Wife. Before you guys were married?

[Crack Amico]

Could be. It's not.

[Big J. Okerson]

No. But she would have threesomes with you as well.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Really?

[Big J. Okerson]

She would never do that. If this is you, Jay, that's a lie, because she would.

[Crack Amico]

So maybe it's not me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's Nick. It's Nick.

[Big J. Okerson]

I gotta think it's Nick Rochefort here.

[Crack Amico]

It could be Nick.

[Nick Rochefort]

Jesus.

[Crack Amico]

But I have a feeling it's Louis who.

[Big J. Okerson]

Who would be this girlfriend. Most of my girlfriends, we. That have a threesome with you, they'd have a surprise threesome. You really think that I just set it up and show up at a hotel with a girlfriend?

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's psychotic, right?

[Nick Rochefort]

Eating hooker pussy is psychotic.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's all.

[Nick Rochefort]

You do that.

[Big J. Okerson]

I have done it. I have done it.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah, yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Get your nose in there. It'll wake you up like smelling salts. It stinks. Nick Rochefort is my answer.

[Nick Rochefort]

Oh, I want to jump out of town here. All right.

[Crack Amico]

Ah. I'm going with my gut. I'm going with Lewis. God damn it.

[Big J. Okerson]

Rochefort. Pick crack, amico that.

[Nick Rochefort]

I think crack can pull this off.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's it. He.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I could, but I wouldn't.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Don't hate to play Hate the game.

[Crack Amico]

Everybody's answers are in.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Nick Rocha.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yes. Horseshit.

[Nick Rochefort]

Ah, horseshit.

[Crack Amico]

I was so bad at this game.

[Nick Rochefort]

All right, you guys are good guessers.

[Crack Amico]

All right.

[Big J. Okerson]

This is your wife. Before you guys got married, it was.

[Nick Rochefort]

Like every normal guy surprised. I had a drunk conversation with my wife, like, our 19th date. And she was like, girls are so pretty.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And you're like.

[Nick Rochefort]

The guy takes that in his head. He's like, got it.

[Crack Amico]

She's ready.

[Nick Rochefort]

I know exactly what you mean by that. At the time, she was working for home goods as a buyer, which is a pretty big job, right? So she's like to go to New York with me for a. For a corporate visit and we can stay in a hotel. We were staying at the. The. The Royalton Hotel, which is like Philippe Stark's hotel. You know, it was really nice. And I was like, tonight's the night, so. And I thought she was. Yeah, yeah, She's. Yeah, she's like, jazzed up about the fucking bath machine.

[Crack Amico]

Hell yeah.

[Nick Rochefort]

50,000 Moroccan bath mats she's about to make an order for.

[Crack Amico]

Yeah, God damn right.

[Nick Rochefort]

So I. You know, I like a normal guy. I arranged a fucking threesome on a very reputable website. It's a list of Craig, I think it's called. It was called something.

[Crack Amico]

Wow.

[Nick Rochefort]

So I was Getting all these. I was. We're at dinner at, like, Beauty in Essex. It was like, a big deal. I was like, 20, you know, she's older than me. She's 85. I'm 40. So we're at dinner, and I was like, I have a. I have a surprise for us. She's like, what? And I was like, we're have a threesome tonight. And I shit you not. She was like, are you. Do you have a fucking sex problem? And I was like, no. I thought you said six and a half months ago that girls were pretty.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was January 18th.

[Nick Rochefort]

Like, we. I told you I wanted to marry you. Like, we were like. We knew we were gonna get married. And I was like, oh, shit. I was getting, like, replies, and I was like, wow, this girl's fucking incredible. I can't believe I'm gonna pull. And it was like, Russian Goth girls. I was like, this is gonna be so dope. And I was like. I was like, no. She was like, fuck you, asshole. Like, we fought in cabs, like, two other restaurants. She's like, what did you think, we were gonna stay up all night fucking some Russian girl? I have to meet my boss at six in the morning? And we all hopped up on fucking coke, something I bought. And I was like, oh, shit. We're married now. We have two kids.

[Crack Amico]

That's cool.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah.

[Crack Amico]

It's good, though.

[Nick Rochefort]

We made it through. There's life on the other side. We all make mistakes, guys.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oops.

[Big J. Okerson]

That is a great story.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah, I tell that at cookouts in front of her father. She loves that. Her state trooper father.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, shit. Alex, where are our points at?

[Alex]

All right on the scoreboard, with zero points, Big J Okerson with two points. Louis J. Gomez with three points. Nick Roche before it. And in the lead with four points each, Kevin Ryan and Crack Amico.

[Crack Amico]

I like the sparse cheers building up. I like that organically happened. Well, fuck me, Alex. Crazy.

[Big J. Okerson]

All right, let's take a quick moment and thank Mando for supporting today's show. We love Mando Total Body deodorant. That is going to help you just be the best version of yourself. Deodorant's not just for your armpits anymore. I use Mando's cream deodorant on my balls every time I get out of the shower. Every time Jay smells my balls after an episode of Story Worse. And these are long days, usually. This is 12, 18 hours after I put them on my balls. He has nothing but good things say about the smell of my balls.

[Crack Amico]

Bourbon, leather, like it was fresh in the morning. His pits, balls, his feet. Booyah. His butthole, his grundle, all of it. And I get in there for real. Deep sniffs to make sure. Because I'm not going to push some fucking bullshit. Product doesn't work, let me tell you.

[Big J. Okerson]

J.J. jay. Sniffs twice. Double sniffs.

[Crack Amico]

Double sniffs. I say sniff twice, cut once.

[Big J. Okerson]

Look, they have a great product, all tested and scientifically proven to control your odor much longer than regular deodor. And honestly, it has without all the crap, without all the aluminum and parabens and all the things that you do not want in your deodorant and you do not want in your skin. They're amazing. All natural deodorant. So just go to shopmando.com Shopman.com is the website, and use the promo code wars with a Z. You're going to get $5 off their starter pack. That includes a stick deodorant, tube deodorant, plus the ball wipes, which are incredible. The deodorizing wipes, and the body wash, which is awesome as well. 40% off. $5 off the starter pack. Promo code wars with a [e-mail]. all right, where were we?

[Crack Amico]

Story number three.

[Alex]

Story number three. As a child, I visited the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. When no one was looking, I scratched a piece of paint off of a Vincent van Gogh painting.

[Crack Amico]

All right, Now, I want to say this is. This is school trip. This definitely is. I mean, Kevin's a Philly piece of shit like me, and we have no respect for art.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I love paintings.

[Crack Amico]

Yeah, you wanna look at some paintings?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They're all different colors and stuff.

[Crack Amico]

Yeah, that's. The dude. Knocked his ear off.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wacko. My trip to New York was canceled. 9, 11.

[Crack Amico]

Oh, I want to believe that to be true. Then I'm gonna say, even though I've written his name down, it will be for three out of three times. This seems like it could be fucking. Lewis lived. Lewis lived a little upstate.

[Big J. Okerson]

I respect art, thank you very much.

[Crack Amico]

No, not at this point. You were a troubled piece of shit, kid. It's not your fault. But you had horrific parents who left you feral, and you can't appreciate art. And you thought it would make your fucking other goth mascara friends happy if you showed them, like, you scratched your face.

[Big J. Okerson]

Jay, you currently are goth and wear mascara.

[Crack Amico]

Right, but you are not gonna catch me in a museum.

[Big J. Okerson]

I feel like Jay has been doing a lot of yapping right now.

[Crack Amico]

Sure.

[Big J. Okerson]

As soon as this came up, he just started immediately throwing.

[Crack Amico]

We took trips to New York when I was in school, but I don't remember. All I remember from those trips were that we did stop around, like, 42nd street at a time where you could still see was pretty shitty, like the late 80s. So I remember seeing it, but I don't ever go to no museum or.

[Big J. Okerson]

I never watched.

[Crack Amico]

Painting was a Van Gogh.

[Big J. Okerson]

I never went to moma. We went to the Museum of Natural History.

[Crack Amico]

Don't lock that in. Do not lock that in.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He always does that. He's like, oh, wait a minute. I have been to New York at the Museum of.

[Big J. Okerson]

We went.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We went to Museum of R1s, but I did not scratch a Van Gogh.

[Big J. Okerson]

We went to the Natural History Museum and I did steal a Tyrannosaurus rex bone. That I will. I'll admit that I took it in.

[Crack Amico]

So that was your only hit? You want us to believe? Hey, guys, I'm going to hit all the famous museums and take a little something for myself. I bet you still have a little fucking locket with your Van Gogh painting it.

[Big J. Okerson]

I think I'm getting very much Big J vibes.

[Crack Amico]

Write it down, you fool. I think it's you, so I don't care.

[Big J. Okerson]

You said you never visited New York until you were an adult.

[Kevin Ryan]

Same defense. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Where are you from?

[Kevin Ryan]

North Carolina.

[Crack Amico]

Cackalac.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's behind Enemy.

[Big J. Okerson]

We really should have picked a different subject. When Crack. Amico's been to New York exactly twice. This being one of them.

[Crack Amico]

I think I'm aware of everything he's done all day. Every time he's been here.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I showed up at Gas Digital.

[Big J. Okerson]

He's like, yo, so one time I wrote a rhyme on a corner.

[Crack Amico]

Now again, this could be.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Could be Nick.

[Crack Amico]

This could be Nick.

[Nick Rochefort]

It's just simple order. They wouldn't go, my story. My story.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, they will.

[Nick Rochefort]

It's all randomized, really.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's genuinely random. And we've had. And by the way, it's been a while since we've had two in a row.

[Nick Rochefort]

The gambler inside my head was thinking, shit. The degenerate piece of.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's all genuinely. It's all. It technically could be three in a row, which I think we have had happen one time in the history of the show was three in a row. It made me. It was Bobby Kelly. It made me furious.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah, that would make me. Have you guys hooked up. Would you. Would you. Would you? Maybe. There we go. Maybe.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Okay, this guy's smoothing.

[Nick Rochefort]

I don't know.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This guy's playing Both sides of the ball.

[Big J. Okerson]

My guy, he's like, I'm gay. Let me just feel. Come on.

[Nick Rochefort]

Maybe it was me.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm a gay doctor here. Big J. Did you visit Momo when you were a kid?

[Crack Amico]

I did not. Did you take. You were. You grew up in Rhode Island?

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah.

[Crack Amico]

Did they do trips to me?

[Nick Rochefort]

I guess they did and I didn't. They did. My dad did not let me do that.

[Crack Amico]

I believe that.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah.

[Crack Amico]

Fair son of a bitch. I'm putting Lewis down for the third time.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's why I think it's.

[Crack Amico]

You're the fool.

[Big J. Okerson]

You're the fool. I think it's Jay because he's voting for me. And it makes. This would make no sense as me.

[Nick Rochefort]

What now, crackers?

[Big J. Okerson]

I would steal paint off of a van Gogh.

[Crack Amico]

I don't think it's called stealing Puerto Rican.

[Big J. Okerson]

I believe van Gogh is the most psychotic thing in the world.

[Crack Amico]

You didn't know that? You weren't raised in any class to know what van Gogh was.

[Nick Rochefort]

Crack is remarkably well spoken. That's. As a child. I visited the Metropolitan Museum of Art. A piece of paint off of a Vincent van Gogh painting.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm going, big J Okerson. This is where he got the idea to paint his nails.

[Nick Rochefort]

That's crack.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Fuck.

[Nick Rochefort]

It's well spoken. It says crack.

[Kevin Ryan]

I just think it's something you would do. You're a bad little bad fucking kid.

[Big J. Okerson]

I was a bad kid.

[Crack Amico]

Kids.

[Big J. Okerson]

But it wasn't like that type of stuff. It was like I wanted attention. I had adhd.

[Nick Rochefort]

That's not a bad kid thing to do.

[Crack Amico]

Yeah.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And then I would think your mom wouldn't take you to a museum. But then I remember you went to WrestleMania.

[Big J. Okerson]

That is true.

[Crack Amico]

No. But she wouldn't take a museum. This was definitely a school trip. This feels like school. That's what I was picturing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. And I think you threw everybody off. Maybe I'm going.

[Crack Amico]

Nick.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Never been to New York.

[Big J. Okerson]

No likely story. Rosha.

[Nick Rochefort]

For yes.

[Crack Amico]

Everyone's locked in.

[Big J. Okerson]

Everyone's stories are locked in.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Louis J. Gomez.

[Big J. Okerson]

Damn it. Yes.

[Crack Amico]

Yes.

[Big J. Okerson]

Let me tell you how hard I'm trying to play this game. I kept on calling it MoMA, knowing that that's not MoMA. I was hoping that somebody would lock into that and be like, oh, he's saying the wrong son of moma. Yeah. It was a school trip.

[Crack Amico]

Is that not moma?

[Big J. Okerson]

That's not moma.

[Crack Amico]

And it was a school trip.

[Big J. Okerson]

The Museum of Modern Artist. Moma. And it was a school trip. And, yeah, we went. And there was like, a van. I don't know exactly which Van Gogh painting it was, but everyone was like, ooh, that's a Van Gogh. And I went over. I just went like, it was a booger. I went. And then I put it in my pocket. I literally tried to steal a piece of the Van Gogh to keep with me. And then literally, I just forgot about it within minutes. So I was like, it didn't really matter.

[Crack Amico]

Just got washed.

[Big J. Okerson]

Got washed in my jeans, and that was that.

[Crack Amico]

Your mom washed one cycle of all your clothes with Van Gogh?

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, and that was that. But nobody. Nobody saw me. Nobody knew that I did it, but it was like. It was kind of, like, fucking exhilarating.

[Crack Amico]

To destroy a piece of that is probably psychotic. That might have to be looked at by a doctor.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn it.

[Crack Amico]

Oh, I feel good, Jay.

[Big J. Okerson]

Just keep on voting me. Maybe you'll get more points.

[Crack Amico]

Well, I got two right now. Alex, why don't you tell them what's up?

[Alex]

All right. On the scoreboard. In last place, with two points, Big J. Okerson.

[Crack Amico]

Thank you, Roots. We brought the Roots over with us.

[Alex]

In third place with three points, Nick Rocheport. Tied for second place with four points each, Luis J. Gomez and Kevin Ryan. And in the lead with six points, Crack. Amico.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know you guys better than you know yourselves.

[Crack Amico]

Possible.

[Kevin Ryan]

I listen to all these podcasts. They said I was a loser for listening to all you guys podcast. Who's the loser now, Pops?

[Crack Amico]

You're not a loser. There's a very good chance you can go home and throw in your pop's face. A copy, a brand new copy of the Gray House by Sharna Martzelff. You see, Emma's family is desperate for a new start. The Gray House becomes more than just a home. It transforms into essential force, both protective and menacing. In this atmospheric tale, each room whispers a piece of the story, drawing them into a confrontation with forces far older and more personal than they ever imagined. The line between reality and the supernatural begins to blur, challenging the family's sanity and their understanding of what truly haunts them. The Gray House. Shawna Martol. Alex. Story number four.

[Alex]

Story number four. I once bought two girls a round of drinks to impress them. It came to $86. I only had $90 in my account. I told them I'd be right back and just left.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's me.

[Big J. Okerson]

Wow. Okay.

[Crack Amico]

Yes.

[Big J. Okerson]

Okay. This is. This is.

[Crack Amico]

I want to say this is crack, amigo. It sounds like lyrics.

[Kevin Ryan]

I Wish I had $90 in my.

[Crack Amico]

See this is a Lewis. This is a Lewis move too, possibly.

[Big J. Okerson]

I, I, that is true. It's not a J move. I don't feel like Jay would just leave on that bill.

[Crack Amico]

Yeah, maybe, maybe I would, but I didn't.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I can't picture Jay hanging out a place that had forty dollar drinks, right?

[Crack Amico]

Oh yeah, good point.

[Nick Rochefort]

All right.

[Crack Amico]

Ooh, that's making me think. Nick, Rocha, Ford.

[Nick Rochefort]

Maybe they were fat. Maybe there's food too, you know?

[Crack Amico]

You don't know. It's possible if I bought a lot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Of mozzarella sticks, if I bought, if.

[Crack Amico]

I bought two girls a drink, one of them was fat as a six safety, you know what I mean? Even if I was working on the not fat one, I was like, well, the fat one will probably like me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're shorting your investment.

[Big J. Okerson]

This photographer looks like a spy.

[Crack Amico]

What do you look for? My ex wife. Get out of here, you scumbag. I paid her the money. I gave her the goddamn money.

[Big J. Okerson]

See the weed he hid behind the pole and like what do you want?

[Crack Amico]

I showed my finances.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's a real fear Jay has. That came out way quick.

[Crack Amico]

Fear. Fear means it's not real, Kev.

[Big J. Okerson]

I mean crack did say earlier that he's very faithful to his chick. So why is he buying two girls a drink?

[Crack Amico]

Well, was he been with her since he was 12.

[Big J. Okerson]

But he's only been to New York City since he's been with his girl. And I do, I believe that in.

[Nick Rochefort]

North Carolina drinks are a dollar, so.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's true. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a mortgage in North Carolina.

[Crack Amico]

How long you been with your channel chick?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Me?

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

10. Something like that. Something like that.

[Crack Amico]

It's Lewis or Nick.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I, I was. I mean I'm stupid, but to have $90 in my account and go to a place. That place is charging a cover. I'm not a cover kind of guy.

[Nick Rochefort]

Is that, that's got to be crack again?

[Crack Amico]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

$86 for one round of drinks. You'd have to be hanging out at a very expensive place. That's crazy. Crazy.

[Crack Amico]

We're also take to impress them. Doesn't necessarily mean.

[Big J. Okerson]

Was this in Santorini? Where was this?

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah.

[Crack Amico]

I'm going with Lewis again.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Crack Amico]

Fourth time. Four stories.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Feels like a lot.

[Crack Amico]

Fourth time.

[Big J. Okerson]

I admit. Like I do hang out at very classy places. I'm very rich. You're right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, are you, are you currently in a relationship?

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm in a situationship.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Still be trying to impress though.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, that's right. This could be very, very, very recent. It's not me, but I only had 90 in my bank account. It's not that recent.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's a good point, too. I don't know. Maybe you play it fast and loose.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, it really depends on what time of the month this was. I gotta be honest with you guys.

[Crack Amico]

This is a toughie.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I. I'm leaning Lewis or Nick. Nick was like, hotels and, you know, fan. Like.

[Crack Amico]

Like who?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Like, to me, that's not. People who live in New York are going to a place.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's like someone who's visiting New York is like, oh, well, let's go to this club.

[Big J. Okerson]

If you're not interested in these girls, too, that would be a reason. Like, so. The relationship. Yeah. It's like, you're just. You're like, let me. And then you're like, yo, these, I'm paying $90. I'm not even them. I'm out. I'm going Big J Oakerson. That's it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't know how you got there. I thought we were leaning Nick.

[Nick Rochefort]

No.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wasn't that all. To be like Nick.

[Crack Amico]

It could be Nick. That's making me think Lewis now. That was.

[Big J. Okerson]

You were already thinking.

[Crack Amico]

No one saw that coming.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You were like, that's why it's big.

[Nick Rochefort]

It's. It's crack.

[Big J. Okerson]

Nick keeps on voting for crack, and it's never crap.

[Nick Rochefort]

I'm like a idiot at a carnival game that just keeps playing the same number. I'm like, everybody's like, slutty aunt that plays keynote numbers like 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I got it. I think I'm going Nick. But I guess Nick, four times in a row since him. I think this is not a New York. This is not anybody that lives in New York. To me.

[Nick Rochefort]

That'S why it's crack.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Rhode Island. Nick.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah. Drinks are cheap and we drink clam juice.

[Crack Amico]

I'm going Louis.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm going. Big J Okerson. I think that this could be Big J. Fuck us. Big J might have cleaned up just now.

[Crack Amico]

Did he?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I think Kevin did it.

[Crack Amico]

Oh, no.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Nobody voted for Kevin. Nobody did.

[Nick Rochefort]

No.

[Crack Amico]

No.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, no. Alex, make it official, you piece of. Kevin.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Kevin Ryan.

[Crack Amico]

She's not. She's not rooting for Kevin. She's picked.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She don't like me.

[Crack Amico]

She's picked her favorite. I don't know who it is, but it's not Kevin. Kevin got that. Only one in the room. She was like, piece of ball. You pieces.

[Big J. Okerson]

Damn it. How long ago.

[Nick Rochefort]

What else did you think about me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

About 10 years ago, right before you.

[Big J. Okerson]

Got with your child.

[Nick Rochefort]

You're thinking about me. You're on a date. Don't think about me. I got a. I got a wife. Oh, yeah. You want to kiss?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, the guy's going, go kiss him.

[Crack Amico]

Kiss him.

[Nick Rochefort]

I'm in this cool website. It's called Upsidedown Pineapple Dot Com.

[Crack Amico]

It's been a few years. Maybe you could bring her home for a threesome with your wife. Babe, I know it's been a while. Remember 16 years ago, you said girls were friends.

[Big J. Okerson]

You walk in with her, you're like. She's like, really, Nick? Really?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Here's my answer.

[Crack Amico]

It's the same girl. It's the same girl from 15 years ago.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's her.

[Nick Rochefort]

She's not goth anymore. She's got a jean jacket on now.

[Crack Amico]

She assimilated.

[Nick Rochefort]

My wife drags her in by her hair and fucks her brains out. Yeah.

[Crack Amico]

Now, this is what I'm talking about.

[Nick Rochefort]

This is exactly what I wanted.

[Big J. Okerson]

So this is right before you got with your chick?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I was at a bar with a friend who was in town, and then he disappeared. I couldn't find him. So I was at the bar, and there was these two girls, and we were, like, talking. Oh, my God. My buddy had, like, set us up, like, knew that. And then he disappears, probably doing blow in the bathroom or something, and never came back. And then so I was like, oh, okay, you guys.

[Nick Rochefort]

Something.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Thinking he was gonna come in with his credit card that worked. And was like, I'll pay for it. He didn't show back up. And I still don't know what they got. They ordered, and they were just drinks, but it came out to $86. And I literally looked at it. I was like, ah, let me go grab my buddy to see if he wants anything. And I just fucking bounced.

[Big J. Okerson]

Gone.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Just out.

[Nick Rochefort]

Ran across the George Washington Bridge.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I got nothing to live for. That pussy better call it out today.

[Crack Amico]

You all right, man? He goes, I got $90 in my account. Can't even press 2 chicks lost.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My buddy.

[Crack Amico]

Buddy left with a good credit card.

[Big J. Okerson]

Wow. Okay, Alex, where are our points?

[Crack Amico]

What a shakeup.

[Big J. Okerson]

That was crazy. Kevin just pulled deep ahead.

[Alex]

All right. On the scoreboard. In last place with two points, Big J. Okerson. In fourth place with three points, Nick Rochefort. In third place with four points, Luis J. Gomez. In second place with six points, crack Amico. And in the lead with eight points, Kevin Ryan.

[Big J. Okerson]

He is a story warrior for a reason.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Everyone, this game's awesome. I hated it at the beginning. I now love the game.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, this is our halfway point.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Great concept.

[Big J. Okerson]

The halfway point of the show, which means that we're going to go around and get everybody's plugs real quick. Nick, what are you plugging? My friend?

[Crack Amico]

Friend.

[Nick Rochefort]

Every Tuesday night. This is the one. This is now plugs. This is when we're supposed to talk about the things we do, right?

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, of course.

[Crack Amico]

All right.

[Nick Rochefort]

Every Tuesday night live on YouTube, you can watch the Scuffed Realtor, where we look at real estate listings. Thank you. Yeah, we look at 50 real estate listings. And then in a couple of weeks, we're going to be launching the second season of our show. A couple of weeks going to be pretty wild. Extreme Peace Season two. So you get well.

[Crack Amico]

Crack amico.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Check out my music. YouTube.com crackamico I got a patreon. I also got a podcast that I do every Wednesday with Dalton Pruitt and Robbie Goodwin called the Crowder Boys. Yeah, but check out my music. Appreciate y' all.

[Crack Amico]

Kevin Ryan.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Check out the Ayg back on the block door. We're going to San Fran, Portland, Seattle, Burlington, Boston, Atlanta, Charlotte, Raleigh, Richmond, Baltimore, Philly, Rochester and Toronto. Go get them tickets. I love them. Love yous.

[Crack Amico]

Love Yas.

[Big J. Okerson]

Big J Okerson.

[Crack Amico]

Bigj.Comedy.com for all my dates coming up, I have Governor's Long Island, San Diego, Cincinnati, all over the place. Big J Okerson's Peter North American tour coming on a city near you. If you get it, you get it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's good.

[Crack Amico]

I'm all over the place, so look for me in a city near you. Check out second hit, both parts of my special Them they double crowd work special. Both out right now. Part two, released two weeks ago. Go check it out. Let's get them numbers rolling. And of course, Bonfire, Faction Talk, SiriusXM103 with me and the great Robert Kelly five days a week. And of course, the flagship show of Gas Digital, Legion of Skanks. The legendary Legion of Skanks.

[Big J. Okerson]

My tour, the Bring 5 Friends tour coming to a city near you. Please bring five friends. Fort Myers, Florida, next weekend, San Antonio, Texas. Fort Worth, Texas. Dallas, Texas. Then I'm going to Europe with Scott Chaplin. I'll be in Amsterdam at the end of this. All at the end of May. Amsterdam, Glasgow, Dublin, Manchester and London. Got Boston coming up in June, Levittown, New York coming up. And then my special, I'm filming in Tampa, Florida, July 12th weekend. I got a bunch of shows, but I'm filming on July 12th. So get those [e-mail] check out all my other podcasts, the Rags Legion of Skanks. I do a solo podcast just for subscribers to my mailing list. So go to my mailing list, subscribe and if you love this show, we do an uncensored ad free version of the show that is pre release just for subscribers to the Gas Digital Network. It comes out every Monday night before it goes to YouTube and everywhere else on Thursdays. So you get a pre release, uncensored ad free. And then there's maybe 20 episodes that are no longer available on YouTube or other platforms. They are exclusive for Gas Digital subscribers. So if you're just hearing about the show now, you guys wanted to go catch up on all of the episodes we've done. Go subscribe to Gas Digital, use the promo codes wars with a Z and you'll save a couple bucks a month and you support the show the best way possible.

[Crack Amico]

We have four more stories to get through.

[Big J. Okerson]

Jay, you're bummed. I can tell you're bummed.

[Crack Amico]

Of course I'm bummed.

[Big J. Okerson]

But you don't need to be bummed. You know that.

[Crack Amico]

I know I don't need to be bummed, but it's still hard not to be. But I do know that there is. I'm not even sort of out of this game because what we do here at Story wars for the final four stories is we go double points.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I have a question. As a reigning story warrior.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Have. I've heard there was a big. There was a bit of a backlash. I've.

[Crack Amico]

Don't worry. Things are back to normal.

[Big J. Okerson]

Things are back to normal.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's unregulated. There's no governor on this.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, no. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Big J. Okerson]

You're. You can. You can. You can trigger.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Just checking. I don't want to do nothing.

[Big J. Okerson]

You just want to do it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I was just saying. I was just saying you can explain.

[Crack Amico]

To people that before if you fooled somebody.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't want to explain anything to any. Anybody.

[Crack Amico]

You got one point, and if you guess somebody correctly, you got two points. But now that's probably times two.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Would that be. Am I correct in my assumption?

[Crack Amico]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, it is.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Okay, Alex, please.

[Crack Amico]

Story number five.

[Alex]

Story number five. One time in New York City, my driver dropped me off at my destination and before the door shut without thinking, I said, love you.

[Crack Amico]

Crack, amigo.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

About an hour ago.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've been telling you guys all night I only love one person. I would never make this mistake.

[Big J. Okerson]

I mean, this is almost like wiggers don't think. They just love. That's the truth.

[Crack Amico]

I'm. I gave. I gave Krakomiko a ride one time, and I think before he shut the door, he told me he loved me. I think.

[Big J. Okerson]

But he does love you.

[Crack Amico]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

He doesn't love a random Uber driver.

[Crack Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He didn't think of it. Wait, do you think I was his driver? Do you think that's how he describes me?

[Nick Rochefort]

Wiggers don't think wiggers just go. Yeah.

[Crack Amico]

Eyes forward.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. When you're constantly thinking of rhymes, the words just kind of flow sometimes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But Jay's not. Jay's not a Uber man. He's a city driver. For a long time, you drive.

[Big J. Okerson]

And also I move. I'm violently disrespectful to Uber drivers.

[Nick Rochefort]

I know.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's what makes.

[Big J. Okerson]

If an Uber driver looks at me wrong, I'll report him. I'll get him fired. I'm not even kidding.

[Crack Amico]

Lou is also very distracted.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's what he.

[Crack Amico]

So he might be like, whatever.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He's running late to his own show. Whatever. It happens.

[Big J. Okerson]

I do have. I do have extreme adhd. It's actually an affliction. Thank you very much for pointing it out to everybody.

[Crack Amico]

Wow. What a lady. Who says that? Affliction? This could be very much be Louis. This could be me. I might mean it. I'm gonna get in the car and be like, I love you, man. I'm a very emotional guy.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, you're not. You're not an Uber guy. When's the last time you took an Uber in New York City?

[Crack Amico]

The day before I moved.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, you know what's funny? It said. It doesn't even say Uber. It just says, my driver dropped me off. My dad. Destination.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, it's probably my limo driver, then. Yeah.

[Crack Amico]

Oh, this could have been.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I got a Hummer out front.

[Nick Rochefort]

Wow, you have a Hummer? Limo off.

[Crack Amico]

Run. I don't want.

[Big J. Okerson]

I want. I mean, my instincts does say crack.

[Crack Amico]

I want to guess Kevin just to shut him down in case it is him.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Don't go. Don't go misallocating your points like that.

[Big J. Okerson]

If they gave Kevin two in a row, and then right afterwards, it was on the second round where he can get double points. I swear to God, I would. I'm furious, Alex. Whose side are you on, anyway?

[Crack Amico]

It's random generated.

[Big J. Okerson]

It is random generated.

[Nick Rochefort]

The story's so wholesome.

[Crack Amico]

I know.

[Nick Rochefort]

This is the skanks, which makes me.

[Crack Amico]

Think it's crack, amico.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not a big Uber like that either, though. Lewis Knows I drive almost every time I come to New York.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, that is also true. Why would you take a driver in New York City? That's a great point.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Parks a car, gets out of the hotel, takes an Uber.

[Big J. Okerson]

He doesn't say at a hotel there. He lives on comedians couches.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's true.

[Nick Rochefort]

Okay, damn.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, fuck me then.

[Big J. Okerson]

By the way, it says my. My driver dropped me off. He could be describing you as his driver. It's not an Uber driver. It's just his driver.

[Crack Amico]

It's very possible. This is me that he's talking about outside.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love Jay. I would never refer to him as a lowly driver.

[Nick Rochefort]

Insane.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, I mean, look, if you're being technical, it is just your driver.

[Kevin Ryan]

I did not put.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But also, who says. To my. Who says my destination.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, think about how many.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Somebody who would say my affliction. That's what I would say.

[Big J. Okerson]

A lot of words rhyme with destination. This is wigger talk.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Manifestation masturbation. Couple bars here, boys.

[Crack Amico]

Condensation Hater nation Making a mistake.

[Big J. Okerson]

Mistaken nation. Okay, I see what you're saying. Okay, Crack. I see what you're saying now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm going Nick again. I got not. I would you. What are you doing?

[Big J. Okerson]

I could also see this being Nick as well. How many stories has Nick had in so far? Just one.

[Crack Amico]

Just one. Delightful.

[Nick Rochefort]

I don't answer questions for cops. That's what I'm trying to figure out. I'm trying to figure out, do they. Do you pre. Sort them before the show or during the show? Because I feel like they could get real mad that I said that. They don't do three stories in a row. So, like, I'm a degenerate gambler. I'm just trying to. I'm trying to get behind the slot machine right now.

[Big J. Okerson]

I mean, I can see this. Also Nick does. This is Louis, an extremely lovable guy. Like a very sweet guy. And I can just be caught up in the moment with something.

[Nick Rochefort]

I fucking knocked an old lady's teeth out before I walked in here. I stole her print purse. And I love the money I stole right out of her purse.

[Big J. Okerson]

All right, I'm going Nick Rocha for it. Just because crack, I don't think takes cars when he's here.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't know if crack has a phone, if we're being honest with you. They got Uber on Metro, bcs.

[Crack Amico]

Firefly.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Mint Mobile, promo code, Garbage J.

[Crack Amico]

Now that's a J story.

[Big J. Okerson]

Is that a J story?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I thought it was J too.

[Nick Rochefort]

If it's not crack and I have been.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, if it's Jay, I'm gonna be so pissed.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We're locked in. Alex, please.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Crack Amico.

[Crack Amico]

Damn it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And that's double points. I didn't say it into the mic. It doesn't count.

[Big J. Okerson]

He technically did. Crack was your driver, Jay?

[Kevin Ryan]

He was, yeah.

[Crack Amico]

Wow.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I. I would have bet.

[Nick Rochefort]

Wow.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would have bet a million dollars that he did not remember that. But he did.

[Crack Amico]

Me and Christine thought I was adorable. He's such a sweet guy. He just said he loved us before we closed door.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Only three people ever said I love you to Jay.

[Crack Amico]

You're the only one who may have ever meant it.

[Big J. Okerson]

That is crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They knew it together.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's wild. It was Jay the whole time he called you his driver?

[Crack Amico]

In fairness, he was in the back seat. I was driving him.

[Big J. Okerson]

That was.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was the role. He was.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Is the temperature okay for you, Mr. Amico?

[Crack Amico]

I said no conversation.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Please.

[Crack Amico]

Here.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You drive a lot. Take my card. Take my card first.

[Nick Rochefort]

No.

[Big J. Okerson]

Wow. Oh, my God.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's fucking crazy.

[Big J. Okerson]

Crack just pulled ahead. This is. I mean, this has been a fucking wild night for the competitors tonight. Alex, where are our points at?

[Alex]

All right, you guys. In last place with three points.

[Nick Rochefort]

It's unbelievable.

[Alex]

Nick Rocha for it.

[Nick Rochefort]

Bullshit. Sorry.

[Alex]

In fourth place with four points, Luis J. Gomez.

[Crack Amico]

Fuck.

[Big J. Okerson]

Fuck me right in my little butt, gay guy. Fuck me right in my little butt tonight.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, that. She liked that one.

[Nick Rochefort]

Kiss me.

[Crack Amico]

Go on. Do it.

[Nick Rochefort]

And kiss me, his girlfriend.

[Crack Amico]

As she.

[Nick Rochefort]

Sucks down her fourth Kalana pin.

[Alex]

In third place, with six points, Big J. In second place, with eight points, Kevin Ryan. And in the lead with 12 points, Crack Amico.

[Big J. Okerson]

I want to get the DP.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not like that.

[Big J. Okerson]

All right, let's take a quick moment and thank Crowd Health for supporting today's show. Everyone knows that health insurance is broken. Premiums are increasing, deductibles are getting larger, and claim denials are becoming more and more common. It's a headache with health insurance, and that's exactly why Crowd Health was created. It's not health insurance. It's a better way to pay for health care through crowdfunding. They give their members the freedom and efficiency to affordably break free from the antiquated insurance system and into a health care option that fits your needs.

[Crack Amico]

Absolutely. For $50 a month, your membership includes the tools and services you need to get the highest quality health care. You get access to telemedicine, visits, discounted prescriptions, and a bunch more stuff without all the doctor networks messing things Up. Plus, you're going to have access to your own personal care advocate who's going to help you navigate the complexities of the health events and. And negotiate your bills, which is very important also. And of course, you're going to join the crowd, which is a group of members just like you who want to help pay for each other's unexpected medical events.

[Big J. Okerson]

Look, right now, it's time to opt out of your restrictive healthcare insurance plans and let crowd health help fit your healthcare needs. Get started today for just $50 a month. Go to joincrowdhealth.com wars with a Z to get healthcare you deserve. Crowd health is not insurance. Learn [e-mail] wars all right, where were we? Alex?

[Kevin Ryan]

Thank you.

[Big J. Okerson]

Guy Story number six.

[Alex]

Story number six. I once cried in a subway car while a smelly homeless guy played guitar and sang and I Love her by the Beatles.

[Crack Amico]

Dare I say I'm gonna type Lewis again?

[Big J. Okerson]

Dare you say you're not typing, you jackass?

[Crack Amico]

Yeah, writing you.

[Big J. Okerson]

Jay does get very emotional with music.

[Crack Amico]

I don't ride subways.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, this is someone who lives in New York, has lived in New York.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, but you used to ride subways out there.

[Crack Amico]

Riding subways. Five times in my life. I don't think I cried on any of them.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is the only mode of transfer. You're crying on the subway. It's like your only mode of transfer. You're down in it. You're living here. You're not visiting New York and crying.

[Big J. Okerson]

I've never cried on as well. I mean, I.

[Crack Amico]

That's the way he goes. I never could wait.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, I remember one time my subway got stuck, like, in between stops for, I want to say, like, 45 minutes.

[Crack Amico]

A frustration cry.

[Big J. Okerson]

It wasn't like. It was like a punching the windows and screaming with tears streaming down my face. But I wouldn't call that crying. That was more like rage. I don't rage crying, but I don't. Does the Hulk really cry, or is he just angry all the time?

[Crack Amico]

I don't know. He's just. He's trying so hard to not Hulk out that he's.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, that's my secret. I'm always crying.

[Crack Amico]

He's always crying. He's always sad.

[Nick Rochefort]

And Lewis doesn't know the Beatles either. Lewis knows, like, new metal bands.

[Crack Amico]

Rolling, rolling, rolling. There's no smelly homeless guy playing that, though.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I've cried on the subway multiple times. If that's the thing, that's a product of living here and just being.

[Big J. Okerson]

How many stories Has Kevin had two already?

[Nick Rochefort]

One.

[Big J. Okerson]

He had two.

[Nick Rochefort]

The Brit.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, I've had the bridge and the $86. And the smelly subway guy. What?

[Crack Amico]

Son of a. He did tell us one time, but so far, every time he's just gone. This is my story.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I said I'd never lie.

[Nick Rochefort]

Right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Like Abe Lincoln or the other one.

[Crack Amico]

Pinocchio. You're thinking of Pinocchio.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's what I was thinking.

[Crack Amico]

Abe Lincoln. Wait, I mean, Pinocchio.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That rat pass through lies all the time with the short shorts. Yeah, that's me.

[Big J. Okerson]

God damn it. I have no idea who the story belongs to.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is Lewis. This is Lewis.

[Crack Amico]

It's. I mean, I don't.

[Big J. Okerson]

I couldn't even tell you what the song and I Love her sounds like. I have no idea what that song.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's what you would say.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's what I really.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You were calling the museum. You were calling the Whatever. The whatever. I've never been there.

[Nick Rochefort]

How does the song even go? And I Love her. What does that song go?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't know. The Beatles are gay. He knows.

[Crack Amico]

I know that part goes, and I love Her. I don't have the chorus for you, though.

[Nick Rochefort]

Really?

[Big J. Okerson]

What Beatles?

[Nick Rochefort]

That's Puddle of Mud. Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What a pull.

[Nick Rochefort]

Nice try, buddy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What a pull.

[Nick Rochefort]

And the way you smack my ass.

[Crack Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This reminds me of my Nona.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, me.

[Crack Amico]

I'm gonna. Lewis, you're gonna give me some points here.

[Big J. Okerson]

I don't think Big J's had a story yet.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He hasn't.

[Crack Amico]

I have not.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm going. Big J. Okerson. I think the whole. Been on a subway only a few times. It doesn't matter. One of those times you cried like a baby. I know. Jay cried at a train concert when he was thinking about his grandma.

[Crack Amico]

My mom just died and they played Drops of Jupiter.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And her favorite planet was Jupiter.

[Crack Amico]

The song's about his mother dying.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's a big plan.

[Crack Amico]

It.

[Big J. Okerson]

You. Sensitive music touches his soul. He paints his nails. He's a woman. It's Big J. Okerson.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah, that's J. That's got to be Jay Beatles.

[Big J. Okerson]

Or it's Rosher Fort.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah, right, dude. I don't listen to the Beatles. Dude. If it's Eminem's first album. Dude, what are you talking about?

[Crack Amico]

If it's Kevin or crack, we're. We're it.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. I love that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Everybody knows I can't identify a Beatles song.

[Crack Amico]

I had a feeling I wasn't really putting you on my way out. Who it is.

[Kevin Ryan]

But what if it's Kevin.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's not me.

[Crack Amico]

It could be Kevin. It's his story. He says he's crying.

[Big J. Okerson]

Kevin has three stories on this one. He's already so far ahead. I'll be so angry at.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm losing right now.

[Nick Rochefort]

He's gonna be the new host of.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This show on AYG Digital. Check it out. It's only 4.99 to sign up.

[Nick Rochefort]

He's got the Hummer limo. Preemptively. Big things happening around here, boys.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Big J's driving me home.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Lewis doesn't know the names of songs.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's true. I want to. It's Nick or J.

[Big J. Okerson]

Do you say no double points.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Got out of that one. The whole empire almost came crashing that down. We're going to need that. I'm going to need the final wave file of this dud. He's going to be pissed. Get a couple of these spritzers in me. You know?

[Kevin Ryan]

Who you leaning towards, man?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I want to say Nick. I want to say Jay or Nick.

[Nick Rochefort]

Kevin.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You guys all trippy. It's just being around you.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah, it's Kevin or Jay. It's not me, I promise.

[Crack Amico]

If you're going to guess Nick, just guess.

[Nick Rochefort]

Nick don't.

[Crack Amico]

Period. Or Jay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He went Lewis.

[Kevin Ryan]

This could be any of you homos.

[Nick Rochefort]

You're so close to wind be. Don't this up now, dog. The whole streets are on your back right now.

[Crack Amico]

Crack.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I get one guess, one opportunity. Mom, spaghetti.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah. Clarence Parents had a real good marriage.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, I'm going J. I don't want to, but I'm doing it, man.

[Crack Amico]

I'm worried.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm going Nick. Just in case.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

There you go. Head your beds.

[Crack Amico]

There you go.

[Nick Rochefort]

Making mistakes again.

[Kevin Ryan]

It.

[Crack Amico]

Everybody's locked in.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Locked in.

[Crack Amico]

Alexandra.

[Big J. Okerson]

Jay doesn't look happy.

[Alex]

That's because that story belongs to Big J. Oh, yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Let's go.

[Nick Rochefort]

Damn it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Back. I'm back.

[Big J. Okerson]

He cried to another song. You pussy.

[Nick Rochefort]

Training the Beatles?

[Crack Amico]

No, this was. It was a night. I got caught cheating terribly with my ex real bad. And it was just a day of. And we had a car, but we were in the house. I got kicked in the balls and screamed at. And it was just a nightmarish day of having to be there for all of it. And then I had to go do comedy shows in the city that night for work. And I was like, I'll take the train, I guess. And I got on the train and it was just. My life was like crumbling around me. I felt like. And this guy was just going Through. I mean, this wook. I mean, just a gross. And he was like, I give her all my love. And I was like, gave my 10 bucks. So I just sat there.

[Big J. Okerson]

Amen, brother. Amen.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Your mouth to God's ear.

[Crack Amico]

Dude, you're really sad. You shouldn't be down here. Here. And he was like, thanks. What are the scores?

[Alex]

All right. On the scoreboard. In last place with seven points, Nick Ro for.

[Nick Rochefort]

Jeez, I thought that would have brought me to the lead.

[Alex]

Tied for second place with eight points each, Louis J. Gomez and Big J Okerson.

[Nick Rochefort]

Don't. He's gonna cheat on you. No.

[Crack Amico]

We'Re still in the honeymoon bride page.

[Alex]

And tied for the lead with 12 points each, Kevin Ryan and Crack Amico.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Let's go. Is this last round?

[Big J. Okerson]

I think we have two more rounds. It's anybody's game still.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sure.

[Nick Rochefort]

Is this a tight race? It's tight, right?

[Big J. Okerson]

It really is. It's actually closer than you think.

[Crack Amico]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yo, it's L. Gomez and Big J Oson coming at you from Story wars, the wildest game show podcast in the world. Man, we're hyped to talk about Brunt workwear. The boots that got our feet feeling like they're on vacation. While we're dodging verbal grenades apart here, Jay, what's the deal with your Brunt kicks?

[Crack Amico]

Yo, Lewis, I'm rocking the Marin 6 inch soft toe. Check these bad boys out. Wow. Straight out the box. These things are comfier than my couch. Most boots I've worn, weeks of break in torture. Like walking on bricks. Brunt, it's like they hug my feet.

[Big J. Okerson]

Day one, more comfortable than your couch. I'm gonna sleep on your shoes. Oh, yeah.

[Crack Amico]

Dave could have lived on these for four or five years.

[Big J. Okerson]

I've got the toes. Waterproof safety tower. Look at this beast.

[Crack Amico]

Bam.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm stomping around like I'm ready to build a skyscraper. And they feel like my favorite sneakers. Other brands, forget it. Blisters for days. Brunt is built for real work. No breaking bs. And they've got pants, jackets, the whole deal. Tough as hell, but comfy, Jay, like you. That's how I describe my best friend, Jay.

[Crack Amico]

Oh, tough and comfy.

[Big J. Okerson]

You think these boots could survive all your stand up rants?

[Crack Amico]

Survive? They could survive your Puerto Rican temper tantrums, Louis.

[Big J. Okerson]

Whoa. Guilty. Look. Brunt's founder, Eric Girard grew up blue collar and named these boots after his tradie buddies. They're legit. Waterproof, safety toe. Whatever you need.

[Crack Amico]

Bront didn't just make A durable work boot, they reinvented comfort for the hardness workers out there for a limited time, Story wars listeners get $10 off at Brunt by using Code wars at checkout. Just head to bruntworkware.com and use code wars and you're all set. After your purchase, they're gonna ask you where you heard about them. Please support the show and tell them that story War sent you.

[Big J. Okerson]

And remember, that's wars with a Z.

[Crack Amico]

Because we're cool.

[Big J. Okerson]

Because we're super cool. Alex. Story number seven.

[Alex]

Story number seven. I joined a bunch of Jews in a mobile mitzvah tank in New York City. I put on the tefillin wrap and prayed with them as a joke.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, Jay's Jewish.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah.

[Crack Amico]

That still would be funny if I did that.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's actually there's no way.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

There's no way they thought Lewis was Jewish.

[Crack Amico]

I think to film like hey, what's going on?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Keep on doing it, man. I love your car. What.

[Crack Amico]

I'm praying with you. But it is a joke.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I, I also this sounds like it's up Nick's alley.

[Crack Amico]

Yeah.

[Nick Rochefort]

Well, I want I was going to tell you guys about this cool new.

[Crack Amico]

Gang I just joined.

[Nick Rochefort]

I've got some a newsletter that I can hand of the door. You let me know.

[Big J. Okerson]

I mean this could be easily be Nick, but honestly Big J, I could see Jay doing this as a joke because you're only half Jewish.

[Crack Amico]

But do you though see like that's is this really big. He thinks my personality. First of all, I have no idea now I could think like contextually what Tefillin rap is but I've never heard that word before and I am Jewish. That feels like something he got pulled in. This doesn't seem like something I would do for as a joke. What am I doing it for?

[Nick Rochefort]

Because it looked cool with your gloves.

[Crack Amico]

Possibly. I can't argue. Let me tell you something. If I went fooled you I'd do it big. Yeah. Oh, I'd have the coolest the thing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And the chain wallet curlicues.

[Crack Amico]

I'd have this. My curly cues would collect in the back.

[Big J. Okerson]

I think this, this is screaming Nick.

[Crack Amico]

Rocha for even Nick Rocha for it.

[Nick Rochefort]

No, no. I wish, I wish I, I wish I had the balls to do something like this. It would be cool. I, I've, I've written letters to friends thousands of times. I gave them plenty of warnings.

[Big J. Okerson]

I mean there's nobody else on this panel that I could see doing this.

[Nick Rochefort]

I wish I would did this Lewis. I'd really do wish I did this. I grew my mustache out. I can't.

[Crack Amico]

I'm going Hail Mary on this one. Actually, crack. I'm going crack, Lewis.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, crack is.

[Kevin Ryan]

You think you don't know what I do.

[Nick Rochefort]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

You think you don't know what to villain is, but I do.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's a funny haircut you got there. Sure, I'll dance with you. It's either Nick or Lewis. Stop. It's either Louis, damn it.

[Crack Amico]

But Crack might really know what to fill in it. He also said Tein. I said Teflin.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

See, Jay's having an existential crisis right now.

[Crack Amico]

I want to win so bad.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Finkel and Einhorn. Einhorn and Finkel. It could be cracked. Because these. These. These mitzvah tanks hang out at least. Like, you know, they're tied. They're like the places that New Yorkers don't.

[Crack Amico]

Where you would white rap. They go to the place where you would white rap at Times Square.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Times Square. Handing out your CDs.

[Nick Rochefort]

They are places which they should not be.

[Big J. Okerson]

I mean, this is. This has to be Nick. Yeah, it's Nick's sense of humor.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Can I do a Bud Light, too?

[Nick Rochefort]

Nice. Nice try, Louis. Now, Louis, you're. You're. You are. You are Jewish, right?

[Crack Amico]

He was born Jewish, but he don't lie.

[Big J. Okerson]

I don't celebrate, but, you know, I'm.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But that would be.

[Nick Rochefort]

He's one of the hidden ones.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Like, that would be a small rud. Lewis did sell tickets in Times Square for a very long time.

[Nick Rochefort]

Ooh, bang. That's the. That was the one.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's so obviously Nick, but please.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah, so obviously Lewis, but.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Louis, like, wouldn't it be funny if I want to. You and the other Barkers.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, we weren't barkers. We sold tickets. Thank you very much.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Big J. Okerson]

We had respect for whatever you do.

[Crack Amico]

You're barking.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Thank you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's Nick or Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Lewis or Nick. We've learned this mistake.

[Big J. Okerson]

Nick or Lewis.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nobody noticed when I did it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You get the pass.

[Crack Amico]

Krakamiko.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're making a mistake.

[Crack Amico]

Mark my words. The mistake is already made.

[Nick Rochefort]

You're.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, you're locked in.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm locked in with Nick.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who you going with, Kev?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What do you got? Lewis? I want to go. Lewis. I don't know. What are you going. Why am I acting first? What the fuck is this?

[Crack Amico]

I'll be blown away if Lewis knows what Teflon or Tefillin rap is.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He could have Googled it.

[Big J. Okerson]

I don't know what three of these words are.

[Crack Amico]

Mitzvah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Great point. Mitzvah. To fill in joke.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It means, like, when something. Oh, that deserved better.

[Nick Rochefort]

That was great.

[Crack Amico]

That deserve way better.

[Big J. Okerson]

That was great.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Thank you.

[Nick Rochefort]

Just trying to pay for this hummer tonight.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I gotta go, Nick.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's if it's Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Lewis.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, look at Lewis's face.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

God damn it, Louis.

[Big J. Okerson]

God damn it.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Lewis J. I knew.

[Big J. Okerson]

Was exactly. When I was selling comedy club tickets, I knew it. I was in Union Square.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, Word.

[Big J. Okerson]

And it's a. The mitzvah tanks. It's a. It's just essentially a van with a bunch of Jews inside of it. And I was like, hey, guys, I'm gonna go fucking in the mitzvah tank and see what they do. And then they were like. They were like, well, you know, they're out there like, jews.

[Crack Amico]

Jews.

[Big J. Okerson]

Jewish. And I was like. I was like, hey, I'm Jewish. And they all looked at me like, what? I was like, no, no, I am.

[Crack Amico]

I'm from the old country.

[Big J. Okerson]

I was like. I said, I swear to God, I'm Jewish. And then they.

[Crack Amico]

But you were swearing. The Christian guy.

[Big J. Okerson]

They had to accept me into their mitzvah tank, and they brought me into this little hot van, and they wrapped a leather strap around my arm. I thought we were doing, like, a Mexican knife fight, but they fucking said a prayer.

[Crack Amico]

Is this the Beat it video?

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, yeah. And were like, you got to put on to fill in. I was like, oh, yeah, I know what that is. And then, yeah, they prayed with me, and it took way too long. And after like, five minutes, I was like, this sucks. Can I please leave? And that was that.

[Crack Amico]

You asked if I could please leave?

[Big J. Okerson]

Yep. I was like, I hate this.

[Crack Amico]

Did you tell them you weren't Jewish?

[Big J. Okerson]

Nope. Never told them a.

[Crack Amico]

Well, that was a shake up on score.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm so mad.

[Nick Rochefort]

I knew it.

[Big J. Okerson]

Goddamn right. Anybody's game. Alex, where are we at with points?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Lewis has to be winning on the scoreboard.

[Alex]

In last place with eight points, Big J. Okerson.

[Big J. Okerson]

Sorry, brother. Love you.

[Crack Amico]

I was tied for second a second ago.

[Big J. Okerson]

I had to leave you behind.

[Alex]

In third place with 11 points, Nick Rochefort.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah. Out of the doghouse.

[Alex]

Tied for second place with 12 points each, Kevin Ryan and Crack Amico.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh.

[Alex]

And in the lead so mad, dude with 14 points, Louis J. Gomez.

[Nick Rochefort]

He was using the juice to get ahead.

[Crack Amico]

Very clever. I'm not out of this game.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And, yeah, if we all quit, maybe you'll win.

[Crack Amico]

I want so bad to keep in house this brand new copy of the Gray House. By Shawna Martzelf. You see, as Emma tries to adjust to life in the gray house, she finds herself drawn to the building's ominous energy and its unexplained phenomena. Her growing awareness of the spiritual presence inside forces her to unravel the painful ties that connect her family's past to the house's goat least ghostly inhabitants. When visions blur into reality and her dreams become warning, Emma must decide whether to flee or face the truth buried in the house's foundations.

[Big J. Okerson]

One person goes home with this treasure.

[Crack Amico]

It all comes down to the gray. The gray house. Brand new copy all comes down to story number eight.

[Alex]

Story number eight. My friends and I were offered a free $100 plus cab ride home if the cab driver could watch one of the girls in our friend group get fingered. The girl said yes immediately. My friend fingered her and so did the driver.

[Crack Amico]

Wow. Nick.

[Big J. Okerson]

Jay was the driver again.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is a double.

[Big J. Okerson]

This is Nick.

[Crack Amico]

It was before we got to his destination. This was en route to destination.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What happened?

[Crack Amico]

I want to say this is Nick.

[Nick Rochefort]

They did say cab.

[Big J. Okerson]

Cab ride home.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Cab's old school. No one's taking cabs. This is Jay or Lewis. No one's taking cab. And they have. No one's taking a cab.

[Big J. Okerson]

I will say, if you know me and Jay, this sounds like the Legion of Skanks story.

[Crack Amico]

I wish I was somewhere, a part of the ladder, of this story, anywhere. I'd be so stoked on this situation. But.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, the cab driver fingering the girl would bum me out.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, it wouldn't.

[Big J. Okerson]

Wait a minute. So. But it's not. It's his friend's girl, one of the.

[Crack Amico]

Girls in the group.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's just some girl fingered the girl, said yes immediately.

[Crack Amico]

She wasn't dating anybody in the group. She was just a girl.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

How do you know? Were you married?

[Crack Amico]

It says my friends and I were offered a free cab ride if one of the girls in our friend group got something.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I gotta be honest. It sounds like a chick wrote this story.

[Crack Amico]

Sure. Yes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So, Louis, what guys just hanging out with a bunch of girls who are getting finger blasted?

[Crack Amico]

Well, that's what I'm saying. I enrolled with a friend that had a bunch of girls like just Jay. Also. Were you Nick, Were you like a club guy? Did you go to clubs and shit?

[Nick Rochefort]

Oh, yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

In New York City.

[Nick Rochefort]

No.

[Crack Amico]

But you hung out with like a group of people. Had some chicks, some dudes.

[Nick Rochefort]

DJ Pauly D's from Rhode Island Island.

[Crack Amico]

Nice.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm sure he was in the cab.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah.

[Crack Amico]

So that's the friend that fingered the girl. Clearly. And Vinnie Guadagupa. Goops.

[Nick Rochefort]

I wish.

[Crack Amico]

Got the lefto spillover. I think this.

[Nick Rochefort]

How much is a cab ride in Philadelphia from cabs in Philadelphia?

[Big J. Okerson]

There is taking a cab to Philly. No, this is like going. Going to Queens or Brooklyn. 100 plus.

[Crack Amico]

Yeah, I.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

100. From where to with $100 cab ride is like fucking. And that would have. That's far. 100 yellow. $100 yellow cab ride.

[Big J. Okerson]

I feel like Kevin's too nice of a guy to be involved with that type of hijinks.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's crazy.

[Crack Amico]

Oh, cab ride home.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is Jay's bad acting.

[Big J. Okerson]

Definitely Jay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What cab? Well, no, I thought they said airplane.

[Big J. Okerson]

I didn't think it was Jay at all until that little show right there.

[Crack Amico]

You can save me if you want, but save me if you want. But I'm telling you, this is the problem. He said home. I was getting right. I was writing nick. Nick's not 100 hour cab ride isn't home.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, you're right. It's not gonna be Nick. You're right.

[Crack Amico]

That's why I made the noise.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Could have been going back to that hotel watch one of the girl. I don't know how to say.

[Big J. Okerson]

It.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think this is a Kevin thing. And I think if it was Lewis, he's not watching anybody get fingered without doing some.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm doing the fingers. Fingering.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's doing some fingers.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm not gonna be a sideline guy.

[Crack Amico]

You don't know that.

[Big J. Okerson]

No way. No, but I swear in my son's life I would finger a girl.

[Crack Amico]

I know you would. I know you have done it before.

[Nick Rochefort]

You. Louis, you fingered a girl before.

[Big J. Okerson]

I've gotten blow jobs in cabs. I banged. Oh. I banged the winner of America's Next Top Model in the back of a cab. I won't say which one I'm.

[Crack Amico]

Yeah. RuPaul.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That was the gay year, right?

[Nick Rochefort]

I'm gonna go out on a limb here. I'm gonna say everybody in this room has finger to girl before.

[Big J. Okerson]

And a cat.

[Nick Rochefort]

It's a weird thing to think about, but it's probably true.

[Crack Amico]

Maybe not.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Ah, yeah. Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Ah, yes.

[Crack Amico]

You had to see what you were missing.

[Nick Rochefort]

Why are you nodding?

[Crack Amico]

Ain't much smiling.

[Nick Rochefort]

His fag hat girlfriend was like, yes, he has. He's totaled her out on the way here.

[Crack Amico]

Ride home.

[Big J. Okerson]

Jay was involved in crazy hijinks like this. This is a very big J type story.

[Crack Amico]

Sure.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You did live. You live deep in queens.

[Big J. Okerson]

$100 cab riding.

[Crack Amico]

I just like a girl in a friend group. Yeah, but it's funny. The only person I'm thinking of is a girl who would do this, but it's not me.

[Nick Rochefort]

Is it the girl you leave my wife?

[Big J. Okerson]

Is it the girl that I. Hold on. Is it a girl that I banged in the back of your car while you finger murder?

[Crack Amico]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nick Rochefort]

But you leave my wife out of this again.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That was 15 years ago.

[Crack Amico]

Yeah, that was before.

[Nick Rochefort]

It was hours ago.

[Crack Amico]

Really?

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah. That's got to be Jane.

[Big J. Okerson]

Okay, Big J. Fingerson.

[Crack Amico]

Well, then it's.

[Big J. Okerson]

That is my vote, and I'm sticking with it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, Lewis is locked in. I feel I could be wrong. I feel like you recently told this stories on the Chronicle of Jason. No, no, no. I feel like. I mean, I don't know, I could be wrong.

[Crack Amico]

Listen, listen. Maybe it's me, but I would tell you on my life, it's not. I did not tell the story. I didn't tell the story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You didn't tell the story.

[Crack Amico]

Maybe it's me, but this is not a story I told on your show. No.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I can't believe you.

[Crack Amico]

I know why we're warriors right now, for sure, but I definitely didn't tell this son. Maybe it's me. I could leave that there. I'm going with Nick and I'm saying cab ride home means hotel or something. That's how I'm playing it.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's so Jay. It's crazy. I feel bad.

[Crack Amico]

You're gonna look a goddamn fool, Big J. Fingerson. You're gonna look. That's not my name.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What are you doing?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm. I'm trying to do some math. If me and Lewis vote for Big J, does he win? Regardless?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This.

[Kevin Ryan]

If it's Big J. Yeah, I'm ahead.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm. If it's Big J. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He's locked in.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. You. You. If you get the right answer. I don't really even know the scores, but I believe you're two points behind me. If you get the right answer and I get the wrong answer, I believe you win.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. So.

[Big J. Okerson]

So if you're just trying to vote.

[Kevin Ryan]

The same as you, it would be.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I. I did not pay you to figure that out. But you're right. I was for sure. Like, he's going to vote Big J. I'm going to. To vote Lewis. And by chance, if it's I win, I'm going Louis. If you go Louis, we tie and it's Lewis, we tie. Just a heads up. And then what happens? We fight Outside or something.

[Big J. Okerson]

We have a tiebreaker.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Do we battle rap?

[Crack Amico]

We have to use a.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Do we battle rap?

[Crack Amico]

It's a te. It's a Teflon wrap knife fight in the Hummer limo.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So to give yourself. Yourself fighting change to take to. To go for the. It's either we. We guess the same and we tie or you go for a win.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm letting you know it's not me.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think it's Lewis.

[Big J. Okerson]

You would have heard this story crack.

[Kevin Ryan]

Lewis, look at me. Is this you, man?

[Big J. Okerson]

Not me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's what. That's what he would say. Dude. I'm just, you know, it's not me.

[Kevin Ryan]

It'd be crazy if it's Kevin.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, if it's Kevin. That's bonkers.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What?

[Crack Amico]

Well, it's not bonkers. And I'll say, cuz. Kevin.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Why do you. Why do you guys think I get. No. What the.

[Crack Amico]

No, it's not that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're just like I. You're like a degenerate dirt bag with a drinking problem who's got a small dick and his parents don't call him and stuff.

[Crack Amico]

Listen, this could be a good guy's move. You were offered a free cab ride if the driver could watch finger one of the girls.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I figured a girl before.

[Nick Rochefort]

I know.

[Crack Amico]

Yeah, but you show me. But the girl.

[Nick Rochefort]

You said show me how you do it.

[Crack Amico]

The girl said yes. The girl said yes immediately, and then you're fine. Friend didn't. So the driver. So the person wasn't really involved in like, the filth. You were just there while it was offered.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's me. All right.

[Big J. Okerson]

It could be you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's totally me.

[Crack Amico]

Could be Kevin for that reason. He was a victim of circumstance.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It. I told you I wasn't going to lie on this. It's me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but hanging out with.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's right. Kevin was the victim in this story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Let's get out of here. Get in my limousine. My limousine.

[Big J. Okerson]

Mano. It's on you.

[Crack Amico]

This is tough.

[Big J. Okerson]

Shrek really wants to win this game.

[Crack Amico]

He does want to win this game.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I think it's Big J, but it's like there's nothing I could do.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He's got like defensive coordinator vibes going. You call that running?

[Crack Amico]

Ryan, I didn't have friends that were girls, like in my group of daily hang ups since I was back in like, Jersey. Like, that was like right after high school. I. I never. In New York.

[Big J. Okerson]

That person thinks you're bullshitting. Jay.

[Crack Amico]

That's my friend who's a girl.

[Kevin Ryan]

Girl Does Jay have enough where. If he gets it right, he can.

[Big J. Okerson]

Jay's. Too many people have voted for me.

[Crack Amico]

To vote it for me. If it was me.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, if it was him. It's over. Jay can't win.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He's going. Nick, we got an interesting. We have an interesting finale.

[Big J. Okerson]

Good. Good strategy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I respect it. You went for. You went for the W. Everyone voted for different people.

[Kevin Ryan]

Essentially, in my heart, I know it's.

[Crack Amico]

Not Louis, Alex, everyone's in.

[Big J. Okerson]

Our final answer. Answer.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Nick Rocha.

[Crack Amico]

Homeboy.

[Nick Rochefort]

I always. I told you. Congratulations on your win, playboy. Congratulations on your win. Yo, wiggers, stay together. Never forget. Yo, wig is always together. Yo, wig. We're all wiggers, yo. We all wiggers here. Yeah, that's what's up. That's graffiti, yo. That's what's up. Yeah. Hell, yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Damn, dude.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah, we split in that book crack.

[Big J. Okerson]

I have no idea who won right now. This is crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I feel like I'm at the Shelter.

[Big J. Okerson]

Tell the story real quick. This is bonkers.

[Nick Rochefort]

All right. This is a true story. All right? I went to college in Staten Island. I went to Wagner College.

[Big J. Okerson]

I had no idea you went to Rock. That's great. Easy.

[Nick Rochefort]

So I was drinking in the city one time. It was me, a girl I was dating. A buddy of mine was visiting me from Providence, and my other. My roommate in college was from Providence with me and this tramp that was at. From our. Our dorms. And we're driving home, and we were gonna get dropped off at the ferry, the Staten island ferry. And he's like, I'll give you a hundred dollars. I'll give you a free ride home if I can fucking. If you finger the girl right now. He was. He was Irish. Yeah, yeah, the Irish guy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The Jamaican.

[Nick Rochefort]

Timmy o' Malley was his name, I think. And we literally.

[Crack Amico]

I.

[Nick Rochefort]

This is a true story. My buddy won a grimy story contest on a radio station in like, 2,014. And we pulled down an alleyway, and the girl. This girl was just like, I'll do it. Like, I'll give you a free ride home. And she's like, I'll do it. And she fucking just, like, scooted, like, kind of like, I've just, like, cracked. Just leaned on Kevin. Fucking pulled her pants. So she pulled her pants off, and her shit was totally out. My girlfriend was sitting here. I was sitting in the front seat, and my buddy was just like, Like. Like right. Like, right in. And I was like, holy. And I was the innocent bystander. I was sitting front seat. And then I just saw the cab driver's hand go, like, through the glass and just like. And I was like, oh, shit. I was like, nah, chill. And then, like. Like, put your hand through the glass. I was like, nah, don't. Ah, fuck it. I was like, I'm not about to fucking fight an Irish guy. They're so tough. You know what I mean?

[Crack Amico]

Sure.

[Nick Rochefort]

And then we just drove home in silence like this, like. Like, college freshman. Like, I was fucking 18. I was like, just. Jesus Christ. New York's too big of a city for me.

[Crack Amico]

But. But they. But he drove you all the way back to Staten Island. It's a shake up.

[Big J. Okerson]

Alex, tell us our final scores. I have no idea who won right now. What a fucking crazy ending.

[Alex]

All right. Tied for last place with 12 points each, big J Okerson and Kevin Ryan.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What the.

[Nick Rochefort]

What a turn of events.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This game sucks.

[Crack Amico]

It's a stupid idea. End game.

[Alex]

Hawk in third place with 14 points, Lewis J. Gomez, your winner tonight with 16 points. Crack, amigo.

[Big J. Okerson]

Whoa. You are. He beat Nick by one point. Nick had 15 points. That's crazy.

[Nick Rochefort]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Holy.

[Crack Amico]

That was absolutely amazing. Congratulations to Crack Amico, our newest story warrior. You went to the arc and.

[Big J. Okerson]

And Crack, you won because of double.

[Crack Amico]

You flew too close to the sun. How about a big round of applause for everybody on this panel? Nick Rochafort, Kevin Ryan, your newest.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Never coming back.

[Crack Amico]

Your newest story warrior. Good. Great crack, amigo. We are your story warriors, Big J.

[Big J. Okerson]

Okerson and I. Lis J. Gomez.

[Crack Amico]

We'll catch you guys next time. Good night.