047. Jim Norton, Bryan Callen, & Tim Butterly | The Seven Deadly Sins

Summary

Podcast Summary: Story Warz Episode 047. Jim Norton, Bryan Callen, & Tim Butterly | The Seven Deadly Sins

Release Date: June 27, 2025
Hosted by: GaS Digital Network
Live from: The Stand Comedy Club in New York City

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Introduction to Contestants and Game Rules

In Episode 047 of Story Warz, hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez welcome their esteemed guests—Jim Norton, Bryan Callen, and Tim Butterly—to engage in a spirited round of "Story Warz" centered around The Seven Deadly Sins. The game involves each participant submitting personal stories related to a chosen subject, with the objective of deceiving others about the story's ownership or accurately guessing the originator of each tale.

Game Overview:

• Participants: Big Jay Oakerson, Luis J. Gomez, Jim Norton, Bryan Callen, and Tim Butterly.
• Objective: Submit stories related to the seven deadly sins and engage in deception and guessing.
• Scoring:
  • 2 points for correctly guessing the story's author.
  • 1 point for each person fooled.
• Prize: A copy of Fierce Love by Reverend Dr. Jackie Lewis.

Luis emphasizes the game's simple yet engaging mechanics:

"It's a very simple game that sounds very complicated. All five of us on this panel have submitted three to five stories on one given subject."
— Luis J. Gomez [07:49]

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Round 1: The Seven Deadly Sins

Story 1: "I once gave 100% of the money I owned to a prostitute."

"I mean, I swear to God, I almost submitted this exact story."
— Luis J. Gomez [11:22]

• Discussion: Participants debate the authenticity of the story, with Jim initially showing skepticism.
• Guessing: Luis suspects Big Jay, while the group considers various angles based on personal experiences.
• Reveal: The story is confirmed to belong to Big Jay Oakerson.
• Scoring: Luis successfully fools two participants, earning 2 points.

"That is correct."
— Big Jay Okerson [16:35]

Story 2: "I faked a stomach virus on a three-day trip with my friends so I could hide in a rest stop bathroom edging to dirty pics from a girl I was hooking up with."

"And then I lied and said that the money must have flown out of my pocket because I was wearing swishy pants."
— Big Jay Oakerson [19:02]

• Discussion: The panel scrutinizes the story's details, debating who among them could relate.
• Reveal: Tim Butterly admits to submitting this story, sharing a humorous anecdote about his deception.
• Scoring: Tim earns points from successfully convincing two participants.

"And that's my story."
— Tim Butterly [29:38]

Story 3: "On two occasions, I was chased out of black neighborhoods while attempting to act black."

"Sometimes a girl needs help with her rent. Does that count?"
— Jim Norton [12:29]

• Discussion: The story's provocative nature sparks debates about identity and cultural appropriation.
• Reveal: Jim Norton confesses to the story, explaining the backstory of his experiences.
• Scoring: Jim secures 4 points, leading the scoreboard.

"This story belongs to Jim Norton."
— Alex [38:52]

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Scoring Update After Round 1

• Jim Norton: 6 points
• Big Jay Oakerson: 4 points
• Luis J. Gomez: 2 points
• Tim Butterly: 2 points
• Bryan Callen: 2 points

"Big Jay Okerson out of breath."
— Louis J. Gomez [52:27]

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Round 2: Continuing the Battle of Wits

Story 4: "One time, in a moment of extreme anger, I threw a turkey sandwich on my roommate. It was my sandwich, and I ate it anyway."

"I remade the sandwich with all of the floor ingredients."
— Luis J. Gomez [48:29]

• Discussion: The absurdity of throwing and then consuming a sandwich leads to lively banter.
• Reveal: Luis J. Gomez takes ownership of the story, sharing a comical yet bizarre incident with his roommate.
• Scoring: Luis gains additional points for unmasking his own story.

"That story was long and boring."
— Big Jay Oakerson [20:44]

Story 5: "I broke both hands punching drywall when I hit a stud after my friends got in a fight at one of my shows."

"And I went through some bushes to what I thought was like a little clearing."
— Jim Norton [61:00]

• Discussion: Physical humor intertwines with destructive antics, prompting guesses about the narrative's origin.
• Reveal: Jim Norton humorously narrates the mishap, highlighting his penchant for exaggerated stories.
• Scoring: Jim continues to lead with accumulated points.

"That story belongs to Jim Norton."
— Alex [71:36]

Story 6: "I once got caught staring at a woman in a bikini at the pool and she screamed at me, Jesus."

"So I went, I was going, ah. And I like pretending I was gonna scare her."
— Jim Norton [90:04]

• Discussion: The awkwardness of public scrutiny and unintended attention fuels the debate.
• Reveal: Jim Norton attributes the story to himself, sharing a cringe-worthy yet funny incident.
• Scoring: Jim maximizes his lead with additional points.

"That story belongs to Jim Norton."
— Alex [71:36]

Story 7: "Without actually knowing how to play my instrument, I made it all the way to the All City Band, made up of the best musicians from every school."

"But because I just went to a shitty school with, like, a shitty school system in West Philly."
— Big Jay Oakerson [75:02]

• Discussion: Musical incompetence mixed with bold aspirations sparks debates on authenticity.
• Reveal: Big Jay Oakerson shares his humorous struggle with the music scene, explaining his fabricated journey.
• Scoring: Jay's clever deceit earns him substantial points, narrowing the gap with Jim.

"That story belongs to Big Jay Okerson."
— Alex [80:05]

Story 8: "I broke both hands punching drywall when I hit a stud after my friends got in a fight at one of my shows."

"But how did you hit the same stud?"
— Big Jay Oakerson [86:51]

• Discussion: Repeating a story adds layers of confusion and humor, challenging the contestants' memory.
• Reveal: The story loops back to being associated with Jim Norton, adding to his dominant score.
• Scoring: Jim solidifies his lead with this revelation.

"That story belongs to Jim Norton."
— Alex [91:51]

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Final Scoring and Winner Announcement

After intense rounds filled with laughter, strategic deception, and hearty competition, the final scores stand as follows:

• Big Jay Oakerson: 22 points
• Jim Norton: 14 points
• Tim Butterly: 10 points
• Bryan Callen: 8 points
• Luis J. Gomez: 4 points

Winner: Big Jay Oakerson emerges victorious in this round of "Story Warz," securing the coveted copy of Fierce Love by Reverend Dr. Jackie Lewis.

"And in the lead with 22 points, Big J Okerson."
— Alex [83:24]

Big Jay celebrates his win with exuberant gratitude:

"Austin, Texas. You guys made me feel like a princess tonight. Just an idiot from Philadelphia. ..."
— Big Jay Oakerson [82:29]

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Closing Remarks and Next Steps

The episode concludes with the hosts and guests sharing information about their upcoming projects, specials, and tours. While the main gameplay wraps up, the camaraderie and banter hint at future episodes filled with more storytelling and laughter.

Notable Highlights:

• Luis J. Gomez promotes his book, Knives and Spoons, available on Amazon.
• Jim Norton teases upcoming appearances and encourages listeners to follow his shows.
• Bryan Callen and Tim Butterly share details about their respective podcasts and tours.

"Guys, see how insightful that is? He understands what that experience was."
— Brian Callan [45:13]

The hosts wrap up the episode with final shout-outs, maintaining the show's signature humor and energy, leaving listeners eagerly anticipating the next installment of Story Warz.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• "I mean, I swear to God, I almost submitted this exact story."
  — Luis J. Gomez [11:22]

• "I gotta say, I think Tim, though, possibly being a guy who would go on a three day trip with friends, that's very..."
  — Big Jay Oakerson [26:40]

• "I was gonna say Tim. It's Tim."
  — Brian Callen [80:46]

• "And I went, ah. And I like pretending I was gonna scare her."
  — Jim Norton [89:43]

• "She screamed at me, Jesus."
  — Jim Norton [90:04]

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Conclusion

Episode 047 of Story Warz delivers a blend of witty exchanges, personal anecdotes, and competitive storytelling among top comedians and entertainers. Big Jay Oakerson clinches the win, but the real victory lies in the laughter and connections forged among the participants, promising more engaging content in future episodes.

Transcript

[Louis J. Gomez]

Skankfest New Orleans is happening November 14th through 16th. Get your tickets right now. There's only individual day passes left. All access is sold out. VIP is sold out. It is the largest lineup we've ever had. Favorites like Tim Dillon, Shane Gillis, Nick Mullen, Joe List, Robert Kelly, Sam Hyde, obviously the Legion of Skanks and many, many more. Over 150 comedians, six stages, three full days of comedy, fighting, music and everything else you love about Skank fest. Go to skankfest.com right now and grab your single day passes.

[Big J Okerson]

Great news, everybody. Story wars merch store now up and functioning. Everyone get your goddamn merch right now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Represent the show that you love. Show that you are yourself a Story Warrior. We got T shirts, we got hoodies, maybe socks one day. StoryWarsMerch.com is the way butt plugs.

[Big J Okerson]

That thing you can put inside of a woman and you control it from your phone.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The Story wars breakfast cereal. The Story wars flamethrow. Go to storywarsmerch.com and grab your merch today.

[Jim Norton]

What's going on?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Story warriors, if you love Story wars and you want to be a part of the live audience, come out to the New York Comedy Club every Wednesday night at 7:45pm to be a part of the show.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't be a piece of. Just get your tickets and come. It's fun face.

[Louis J. Gomez]

New Yorkcomedyclub.com Fill her up.

[Tim Butterly]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Ladies and gentlemen, live from the Comedy mothership in Austin, Texas. It's Story wars with the Story Warriors. Give it up for Big J Okerson and Lewis, Jake Omez.

[Big J Okerson]

What is up, everybody? Welcome to Story Wars. Make some noise. Austin, Texas. Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We have returned to the Comedy mothership, taking over Austin, Texas. Look, you guys are beautiful, beautiful people and I really appreciate everyone being here, all right? There's no more to that.

[Big J Okerson]

Give a sentimental moment or something. I said, you know what?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Remember this guy was here last time? He's got his Jew curls. I remember. I remember. I can't believe he made it.

[Big J Okerson]

He's come back. What a sis. How many people here are familiar with the game Story Wars? Find out. Maybe it's not.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Who is not familiar with Story Wars.

[Big J Okerson]

See, there's always a pocket.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Just two fucking losers. Get them out. Get him out of work.

[Big J Okerson]

That's not how the idea is to get new people to enjoy the show. Well, maybe this is why we stay still and kill. Tony's in Italy right now with 30 comics.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I hope they're plane crashes on the way back.

[Big J Okerson]

Hello, baby. If you're not familiar with the game, we will explain it once we get our esteemed panel of contestants out here. Our first contestant, brand new resident right here in Austin, Texas. You know him from the dad Meat podcast and Tim butterly show on YouTube. How about it for the hilarious Tim Butterly?

[Tim Butterly]

Hey, what's up? I'm just probably not even gonna mention Returning Story Warrior as well.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That is also true. You are.

[Tim Butterly]

These people know the fucking show, man.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Returning Story Warrior. And last time you were here, he didn't have the ability.

[Tim Butterly]

The only person to ever have the DP privileges revoked. That's nuts. Me, the fucking nicest guy ever.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That is true. We had one episode where we decided you weren't allowed to do it. And after we got so much pushback from the fans, we're like, you know what? It's back.

[Big J Okerson]

Just like that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Our second contestant on today's show, first time on Story Wars. You guys know him from his very popular podcast, the Fighter and the kid. Clap it up for Brian Callan. Good to be here.

[Big J Okerson]

Good to be here.

[Jim Norton]

It's. I wrestled in high school.

[Brian Callan]

I don't know if it's on there.

[Jim Norton]

Doesn't matter.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not.

[Louis J. Gomez]

For some reason, it's not there.

[Big J Okerson]

Our third and final contestant, this new special, unconceivable, available Friday on YouTube. How about it for the hilarious Jim Norton in the house? Oh, yeah. More than worse is all you have to do.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Who's in charge? No, no, we harmonized those beautiful. Whoever's in charge of the music, we'd want music for all three, obviously.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I can't stop yelling. No, dude, that moment only existed just now. No, because of the ineptitude of our staff. Their stupidity breeds creativity. That's why we don't get super smart people to do this shit.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is this our staff?

[Brian Callan]

Why did the other two guests get to say hello and I just have to sit here while you two fucking idiots sing?

[Big J Okerson]

I really fell into that. More than words, apologies.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, I mean, you know, just maybe for the next show, we put on music for all three guests.

[Brian Callan]

What was the music supposed to be for?

[Tim Butterly]

Me?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Taps, It's Raining Men.

[Jim Norton]

Something Latin and old.

[Brian Callan]

But, guys, I'm really happy to be here and I've done Story wars before, and I'm just really honored that you invited me back. Nice hand to the guys.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Sincere, very nice of you to say, Jim.

[Brian Callan]

Thanks a lot, Lou.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did you win when you were here last time? Yeah.

[Brian Callan]

I mean, it's not important, but yeah, I Did.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's another returning story warrior fairly effortlessly.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, Brian.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. I'm new. I'm new to the game.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Brian, you're new. You're at a real disadvantage here.

[Big J Okerson]

You're already probably a little better at the game than I am. I've won. And I can say this. Every episode's the same number because the first four wins came early on, I think. And then I forgot how to play.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And I believe I'm now 4 and 56. Yeah. I. But tonight's a night you could always possibly be there for the night, the night it all turned around. If you are unfamiliar with the game story awards, your first time listening at home. It's a very simple game that sounds very complicated. All five of us on this panel, including Lewis and I, have submitted three to five stories on one given subject. Tonight's subject, seven deadly sins. Alex, our lovely producer and dumb we learned tonight, if she could pull her head out of her ass for five seconds, is gonna read those stories one at a time, eight of them in no particular order. And if it is your story, you're the only person who knows that it's your job to fool everybody that it's not your story. If it is not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And every time you guess correctly, you get two points. Every person you fool on the panel, you get one. Once you put your answer on the dry erase board. Put the dry erase board in the little slot right here and remove your hand. That is your final answer. You can't change it. Right? And I'll tell you right now, listen, Brian, you never played the game. It's a lot of fun. This is a ton of fun.

[Jim Norton]

Already having a great time.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You don't even know. But we're not playing for fun. Jay, let them know what we're playing for today.

[Big J Okerson]

Every week. No, sorry, sorry, sorry.

[Jim Norton]

I give a lot.

[Big J Okerson]

Every week on Story wars, we are competing for a book from the Story wars library. Put that in in post.

[Jim Norton]

I love libraries.

[Brian Callan]

What do you have? It's Lolita in Philadelphia.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, no, no, no. Much better than that. This week's winner gets Fierce Love by Reverend Dr. Jackie Lewis.

[Jim Norton]

God, I love Lewis. I love her philosophy.

[Big J Okerson]

Reverend Dr. Jackie Lewis presents a powerful roadmap for personal and collective healing rooted in radical love. Drawing from her life as a black queer minister and activist, she shares deeply personal stories and practical tools to help readers dismantle fear, confront injustice, and choose love. Even in the most painful moments. This is a call to live courageously and compassionately, even when it's hard.

[Jim Norton]

Wow. Amazing.

[Big J Okerson]

Dr. Reverie. Jackie.

[Jim Norton]

Yes. Like, the first time you do analyze what happened.

[Brian Callan]

Can I ask a question? If we're putting the answers on the back of the thing and then showing the crowd, yes, because I can. I can see both of yours.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, no, it's. It's a wide open debate. You could put your. We could all see your answer.

[Brian Callan]

Oh, okay.

[Big J Okerson]

How did you win this before? Oh, is he playing possum? Jim gets me every time.

[Brian Callan]

We were far apart now. It's like a little angle. I just thought I could see her as I was supposed to. I apologize. Sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

He knew that. He's trying to get in my head.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's getting your head, dude, and you're letting it happen.

[Big J Okerson]

He knows I'm the worst at the game. He's attacking me first. He's. He's getting the weak limb.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jay, this is. Your internal monologue is coming out through your mouth right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, God, Louis, protect me. I think I'm gay.

[Brian Callan]

Stop stealing my internal monologue.

[Jim Norton]

I'm so horny. Let's get this.

[Big J Okerson]

Is this crowd ready for war? Is this crowd ready for war? Then without any further ado. Alex, Story number one.

[Alex]

Story number one.

[Big J Okerson]

What the fuck?

[Brian Callan]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Clear your voice.

[Big J Okerson]

What happened?

[Brian Callan]

Hey, Marge Simpson, start over.

[Big J Okerson]

The Christ. Was that you got a longer in there.

[Brian Callan]

Hold on, Babe Ruth. Read it again.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Story number one. Are you ready for. The first story of the night was 1996. Give me another Marlboro Red.

[Alex]

I would like to apologize. I lost my voice a little, but I'm gonna power through it tonight.

[Brian Callan]

Sounds good.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. What a chick move.

[Jim Norton]

Soda in your voice, that's all.

[Big J Okerson]

What a chick move. You don't. Call it your own bravery, but I'm gonna forge through because no one else.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Could possibly read these.

[Alex]

Story number one. I once gave 100% of the money I owned to a prostitute.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, I swear to God, I almost submitted this exact story.

[Brian Callan]

Am I allowed to claim a story, even if it's not mine?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, I feel like most guys who have been with prostitutes have been here in this exact moment.

[Big J Okerson]

100%.

[Louis J. Gomez]

100% of the money. Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was early in the game.

[Tim Butterly]

Now, I don't think it's Louis, because I think every time he's seen a prostitute, it was 100 of his money. Jay has probably shorted most of them.

[Big J Okerson]

Half Jewish, I guess. Sure.

[Tim Butterly]

I think I have an advantage here because I've been. I've been watching Jim and Brian since I was a pup, and I'm just some guy to them.

[Jim Norton]

I like that you said.

[Tim Butterly]

I, I, I think, I think. I think Callan would make a big deal about the money thing. I think he would. I think he would. Wouldn't dip that low frequently.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No. Kellan's not Jewish.

[Jim Norton]

No, but I'm. I'm very generous, but a lot of times.

[Big J Okerson]

But he's got prostitutes.

[Jim Norton]

No, but then they go, what's going on with your shoulders? And this one's on the house and that stuff. So then I end up just. I say, I'll give you. Let me pay you something. At least. That's how it always ends up. Let me pay you something. And then we have what we're doing. And I'm like, all right, here's the thing.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I know we must go to different.

[Brian Callan]

Places, Tim, because Brian is good looking and, like, one. Not, no offense, used to be. No, but like, you're one of those guys who wouldn't probably want to pay for sex because you're like a guy who got laid a lot. Tim, you're very quiet, so I think that you would fall into the love bug, and I. I'm not hot like you.

[Tim Butterly]

I get it.

[Brian Callan]

I appreciate that. Sarcasm ignored. Thank you, Tim.

[Jim Norton]

All life.

[Brian Callan]

But no, because I know that not my story. So I'm gonna guess that this might be.

[Big J Okerson]

Tim's been with his wife since fucking.

[Jim Norton]

Like, yeah, America's never by prostitutes.

[Brian Callan]

And did you ever ask how he met her?

[Jim Norton]

The minute I got married, I was like, what? What girls?

[Big J Okerson]

That's fair.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So look, here's the deal, all right? This story is Jim, me or Big J. Let's get real, all right? Okay.

[Jim Norton]

Sometimes a girl needs help with her rent. Does that count?

[Big J Okerson]

Well, Tim, what's your argument for nursing school? What's your argument for Kellen? He'd care about the money.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, I think. I think he's probably got enough money that it seems ridiculous to him when it's like, you'd probably have to hit a coin star first. You know what I mean?

[Big J Okerson]

Shit, yeah.

[Jim Norton]

What am I going to do, buy another Tesla?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, I have gotten a prostitute, given her my last $200, and then been like, I shouldn't have done that. Yeah, she prostitutes, cheap hookers.

[Brian Callan]

I took money from my grandmother to get a prostitute. She would keep quarters in a jar and I would. Or a can. She had a can.

[Jim Norton]

Those kind of girls are you guys.

[Big J Okerson]

True story.

[Jim Norton]

She got a hoof and a horn.

[Brian Callan]

$7 and two cigarettes in Plainfield, New Jersey. I. I got A prostitute. I. I didn't mean to. I was given a ride and she said, I'll suck. I only have $7. And I gave her two cigarettes. It's in the 80s. That happened, right? True story. And I should be prouder of that chlamydium.

[Jim Norton]

All right.

[Tim Butterly]

And then I sucked her off.

[Brian Callan]

Tim, if she had a car, she would have got $10.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, I think we, you know, a few of us on this panel have had this story. I'm getting Big J vibes.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm going to say I'm getting Louis vibes because you lived in hotels and shit. And just like you were living a pretty trash lip ring guy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like, I had a full fledged prostitute addiction for a couple of years. So I will tell you right now, this has happened more than, more than once.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not going to let you bully me out of this.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like, this is a J move. When it's Jay, this is what he does.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. Somehow. This is what I always do. That's why I lose every time.

[Jim Norton]

See, I'm going, I'm going.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Don't follow. Whatever Jay's doing, I'm clearly bad to go down.

[Big J Okerson]

He's not wrong.

[Jim Norton]

I'm going with Jim. Because, Jim, the idea behind 100% of your money means you're broke, means you have empty pockets. So there's something about going, I don't have to give you 100% of my money, but I'm gonna. Because I hate myself that fucking much. And you can tip me by spitting in my fucking mouth. So I'm saying Jim, I mean, that's.

[Brian Callan]

A really great guess. And yeah, even though it's not me, I will. If you say me, I'm gonna team up with whoever it really is and accept it responsibility for this story.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm going to put my answer in Big J Okerson is my final answer. Wow. I hear the audience whispering, Lewis, you guys.

[Brian Callan]

I think it's Big J. Louis. Big J, I think, would have fallen in love at a certain like. And like, if you're not the. Weren't always the confident guy you are now. And I think that Jay would have been like, I love you.

[Big J Okerson]

Sarcasm ignored. Thank you, Jim Norton.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex, all of our answers are in.

[Alex]

Story number one belongs to Big J Okerson.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

All right.

[Big J Okerson]

That is correct.

[Brian Callan]

Yep.

[Big J Okerson]

Funny enough, Jim, to tie into something you said a minute ago. I got a job with this engineering company doing, like, grunt work stuff. Just like counting cars and laying down weird just to count cars. Basically cards or cars, cars, cars. Like in the Road.

[Jim Norton]

You were counting cars?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it's for engineers.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like a retarded person.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, it's how you break into engineering.

[Brian Callan]

My autistic nephew needs a job. Stand on the shoulder of the road.

[Big J Okerson]

Sort of. What sort of? Well, sort of.

[Tim Butterly]

Well, what was the most cars that you counted?

[Jim Norton]

Dude, I got so many cars. That was my next question. My next question. Let's guess my next question.

[Big J Okerson]

You guys wouldn't even believe me. It's so many cars.

[Tim Butterly]

They go to a, A different parking lot.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah, yeah, One of those car carrier trucks. 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.

[Jim Norton]

Boom. Then you lose track.

[Big J Okerson]

Just constant formulas going in my head. No, it was just stupid, like road work labor essentially. And when we were doing one of those road work things on the other side of the highway, there was a sign. It was like massage triple, you know, it was like a roadside whorehouse.

[Jim Norton]

So you walked in smelling like asphalt and tire dust.

[Big J Okerson]

Probably what happened was I just made a note of where we were. This is before, like cell phones and GPS and everything. I'd made a note where we were in my head and go. When these guys that I've just been sent out here with to do this job with, I don't know them at all go away. I'm gonna go back to this whorehouse, just see what all the hubbub's about.

[Jim Norton]

Just to see.

[Big J Okerson]

And I went in and it was this older red headed, like real freckly lady with like turquoise jewelry. And she said carrot top. So she said, story number one, enter. No. So before I went on this trip, I was broke. I was just like really?

[Jim Norton]

From counting cars? They didn't pay. Yeah, that's fucking.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, they paid all right. But rip offs, I didn't have money I need. My grandmother gave me $200 to just to have to get food and stuff for the couple days.

[Tim Butterly]

Adding lessons.

[Brian Callan]

You should have just done what I did, steal from the old bitch.

[Big J Okerson]

But I went in with this to this whorehouse. And the old lady lays down, starts massaging and then she starts grazing my dick. And then with no words, she goes, she goes, she starts fucking her hand with her finger. And I went, yeah. And she goes, she goes, 300. And I went, I don't have 300 count cars. She goes, what do you have, 200? And I gave her the first day of my food money for all the week. And then I lied and said that the money must have flown out of my pocket because I was wearing swishy pants. This is the 90s. And then the guys, those strangers, somebody there had to use their expense account to buy me food all week like a child.

[Brian Callan]

I respect that a lot.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you.

[Jim Norton]

Me too. I respect that.

[Big J Okerson]

I wasn't thinking. I wasn't thinking. Down the road, she asked me how much money I owned. It was like $200. If she was cool, she would have been like 80. Like she would have seen that I was a fucking rube.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but you, you should have just said $140.

[Big J Okerson]

Right?

[Brian Callan]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So it was such an easy lie to tell. She was taking whatever.

[Big J Okerson]

At 18 years old, I wasn't savvy with hoes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's right there, right?

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't see play as ball yet.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex, where are our points at?

[Alex]

All right on the board, on the score.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, leading our little scary quiz show.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'll tell you boys and ghouls.

[Big J Okerson]

That story was long and boring.

[Brian Callan]

The voice is familiar, I'm not going to lie. Could, could you just say, jim, close your eyes. I have candy for your mouth.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex, where are points at?

[Alex]

On the scoreboard with two points each. Lewis J. Gomez, Big J. Okerson and Jim Norton.

[Brian Callan]

Oh, because Jay fooled people.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He fooled two people. So we got two points. You got it, Jim.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah. All right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, let's take a quick moment and thank Yo Kratom for supporting today's show. We love you long time sponsors for everything here at Gas Digital.

[Big J Okerson]

I bought 100 kilos, dude. I'm walking around with major weight. $6,000.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, we love your creative. They've been with us for a very, very long time. The marquee sponsors for Skankfest and Gas Digital and they're the, the home of the best deal possible on the Internet. A $60 kilo of crate.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I gotta tell you, now that I've bought a hundred kilos, I will be sawing them out of my car for $55. But they are cut a little bit with some baby powder.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nice baby laxative.

[Big J Okerson]

You more baby laxative. So I want you to. When you think you're about to almost do heroin, we're not telling you to.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Get started with Kratom. We're saying that if you're already using Kratom and you know the benefits of it, get it from your kratom dot com.

[Big J Okerson]

The problem's here. You might as well invite the devil in, you know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, where were we? All right, Alex, story number two.

[Alex]

Story number two. I faked a stomach virus on a three day trip with my friends so I could hide in a rest stop bathrooms edging to dirty pics from A girl I was hooking up with.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Which of the seven deadly sins is this? Is it all of them?

[Big J Okerson]

Three of them?

[Jim Norton]

Just lust. Lust?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is it every deadly sin?

[Jim Norton]

I fate to start.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, it's lust for sure.

[Jim Norton]

Restaurant bathrooms, edging. Edging to dirty pics. What does that mean?

[Brian Callan]

Jerking, like kind of jerking and stopping. Jerking and stopping.

[Jim Norton]

Oh, man.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Jesus Christ.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

How much? First of all, you got high testosterone like every. Every rest stop.

[Brian Callan]

But it's also cell phone too. This is like, you know, it's somebody who. From the last X amount of years. This is not 1991 with fucking Polaroids. No one's jerking off. Yeah, it's like rifling through a cell phone.

[Big J Okerson]

I say work backwards from Lewis. How could this not be him? If we get him out of it, then I have no fucking clue.

[Jim Norton]

Is the end of that story hepatitis?

[Louis J. Gomez]

What do you think I would. I would fake a stomach virus to jerk off? That's ridiculous. I would just say, hey guys, I'm gonna go jerk off in the bathroom over there.

[Tim Butterly]

Actually, knowing Louis, he might just leave the conversation without saying anything.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, no, it's on a three day trip, like driving trip.

[Jim Norton]

I gotta stop, guys.

[Big J Okerson]

And you say you gotta stop because you have to shit. And then you go jerk off a.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Three day trip with my friend.

[Big J Okerson]

So.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, so here's what I'll tell you. I've never taken a three day trip ever in my entire life.

[Big J Okerson]

This is like speaking such definites. You have no idea. Half the time you do this, somebody goes, I took a three day trip with you go, oh, sure, they want. Yeah, but I didn't check off on that one.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I've never, I've never taken a road trip. I mean, I could be on the road doing comedy, but that's not a three day.

[Big J Okerson]

Serious. He's not having fun with it anymore. He's being angry.

[Jim Norton]

You guys, you guys would be like, I got to go jerk off.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Jim Norton]

And then no way. Tim is.

[Big J Okerson]

Who would stop for that.

[Jim Norton]

More of a. Yeah, that's true. I guess. You wouldn't stop.

[Big J Okerson]

No. You'd have to say, who would fake a stomach virus.

[Brian Callan]

I'm going with Callan. Because again, a good looking guy wouldn't just admit like, hey, I'm gonna go jerk off on a toilet. Like that's something you would expect for Jay or Louis. But Brian, I'm going to say it was you. I think it was you.

[Jim Norton]

Really?

[Brian Callan]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

That I'd stop every.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah, I think you were stopping at a toilet.

[Big J Okerson]

You were Louis. Lewis got angry.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, I could see it being Jim in a heartbeat. Me too. Jim's a little pervert. No, Jim. Jim really understood the definition of edging?

[Brian Callan]

Oh my God, yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He gave you a textbook. Straight up out of the fucking Webster's dictionary definition of edging.

[Jim Norton]

Edging sounds like a different kind of masturbation. Like where you jerk off down like this. You get in a crab and just jerk straight down.

[Tim Butterly]

You use your elbows.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah, I even understand the edging.

[Tim Butterly]

Breathing.

[Big J Okerson]

12, 6.

[Jim Norton]

I'm going to edge.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And a girl I was hooking up with. Girl is in parentheses. So.

[Jim Norton]

Hey, that's. You're reading into that also.

[Tim Butterly]

I'm trying to think.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm trying to think. Are we thinking this is cell phone pictures or Polaroids?

[Brian Callan]

It's not Polaroids.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not Polaroids. This isn't any cell phone pictures. And I'm just trying to think of a time where like Norton would be on a three day road trip in a time where there was like, do you know what I mean? Like accessibility with really good pictures. Like porn pictures on your phone.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Does that make sense?

[Brian Callan]

Sure, absolutely.

[Big J Okerson]

I almost feel the same way. I almost think I fall out of it for that reason. Everything I'd be on a three day driving trip for would be comedy related. And it was never in a time where I would have a good picture to jerk off to at a rest stop in a phone. Grainy at best.

[Jim Norton]

The picture was forbidden unless it was like a girl with a dick.

[Big J Okerson]

You know what I mean? Okay, sure.

[Brian Callan]

But I wouldn't, I would need to go into a rest area for that. I mean, that's not exactly a secret.

[Big J Okerson]

But you know, arrest the first areas.

[Jim Norton]

That comes to you, Tim.

[Big J Okerson]

You're.

[Jim Norton]

You're kind of a, a, You've got a sensible haircut and, and, and you're a nice family man. So I feel like, you know, that would be something that you'd.

[Tim Butterly]

You think I'm getting up with.

[Jim Norton]

Well, if you're a quiet deviant, you can't show it. But I would believe that you have a sort of a, A kind of a temperamental tummy. Right, for sure.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, I would. It would be actual diarrhea.

[Jim Norton]

I had Indian food. I'm not into spicy food.

[Tim Butterly]

Right, right, right.

[Jim Norton]

Does that make sense?

[Tim Butterly]

That makes plenty of sense.

[Big J Okerson]

I gotta say, I think Tim, though, possibly being a guy who would go on a three day trip with friends, that's very. You like, let's just go see the desert or whatever.

[Tim Butterly]

I'm such a great fucking Hang. It's crazy.

[Jim Norton]

You wanna go watch the stars? Anything you do with that guy, he's such a blast.

[Big J Okerson]

And you might. And you. Yeah, I could see this very much being Tim for that reason.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Just Tim wasn't hooking up. Tim's been with his wife for 20 years. 20 years.

[Brian Callan]

That's why he'd have to go into the bathroom and fake the stomach to. His fucking wife is in the car.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's not gonna ruin. He's not gonna ruin his relationship with his wife for story words.

[Tim Butterly]

It's gonna be a great bit on a podcast. Trust me. We'll talk about it later.

[Big J Okerson]

She's like, I just got over it.

[Tim Butterly]

What is your problem?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I can see Callin's a good looking dude. You know, high school college athlete. You're the. That's the type of shit where you go, dude, we're gonna go cross country.

[Tim Butterly]

I get so much pussy, I don't even jerk off. That kind of guy, you know.

[Big J Okerson]

Guys, hear me out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hear you out?

[Big J Okerson]

This is a three day trip with friends. This is right after high school when he just started dating his now wife. I'm saying it's new. Like this is.

[Jim Norton]

This is.

[Big J Okerson]

We're thinking this is a much dirtier story than it is. Sort of like a cute adorable thing of a long term couple that is.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jerking off in a rest stop bathroom is a cute adorable story.

[Big J Okerson]

Edging, edging and edging. And it's. Yeah, it's actually nice. He missed her so much. Like guys, I got to look at her and this and this would make. Make her feel fantastic if she heard this.

[Jim Norton]

And unlike most of us, he's going, I'm gonna marry this girl.

[Tim Butterly]

I tell you, I've been married before. Cell phones had cameras.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I've convinced myself I'm thinking this is Norton or Callan.

[Jim Norton]

What's that? You're right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nor under Callan.

[Brian Callan]

You're absolutely right. It is one of us.

[Tim Butterly]

I think Jay went way too aggressively at Lewis in the beginning.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm going, Jay, dude, two J stories in a row.

[Big J Okerson]

I'd be doing a row to open with.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'd be.

[Big J Okerson]

That would happen to me though on.

[Jim Norton]

The one point the giveaway, Jim knew what edging was.

[Brian Callan]

I know my whole jerk came off habit was edging. I love to edge. I love it.

[Jim Norton]

What is the difference?

[Brian Callan]

It's when you don't let yourself come. You just spend hours and hours wishing that you differently. Oh you. Yeah. You just wish you didn't blink so much and all these things.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Jim Norton]

I gotta change.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wait, no, you can't change it. You can't change it.

[Jim Norton]

I'll stick with Tim.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jim Norton is my answer.

[Jim Norton]

Ah, dude, I'm gonna edge. That's so fucking romantic. I'm about to bust, but I'm not gonna. Yeah, because I'm gonna save it for you. I have high blood pressure, Jim.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think that's why you twitch so much. You're just fucking edging too much all the time.

[Brian Callan]

Like, if I just came, I would.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Ah.

[Brian Callan]

I blink normally, but I'm.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, that's almost.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Almost.

[Jim Norton]

Fuck. That's amazing, Alex.

[Big J Okerson]

Locked in.

[Jim Norton]

No wonder your stomach hurt.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All of our answers are in.

[Alex]

Story number two belongs to Tim Butterly.

[Brian Callan]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Did I basically tell the story?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

I mean, no. This is actually like three years ago.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What?

[Tim Butterly]

Here's the reveal. The girl I was looking. I was. My wife. I didn't want to put my fucking wife in the thing.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah, sure.

[Tim Butterly]

It also sounds way gayer. Jerking off with your wife is the gayest thing a guy can do.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, that is.

[Brian Callan]

I challenge that. Hey, I accept.

[Tim Butterly]

I think sucking a dick and jerking to your wife or neck and neck.

[Jim Norton]

I sent my wife a dick pic, but it was soft. It was after like a run. She just sent a barf emoji back. So that was hot. Stink lines, you know. So we have.

[Big J Okerson]

That's your edging.

[Tim Butterly]

No, I was at a music festival with my homies. They actually. Oh, shit. They don't know this story. They might be finding this out right now. I was fine, guys, so. But no, in the hotel and the 14 hour drive back, I was just like, like, I'll be back, guys. Give me a minute.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you. Did you have to stay?

[Tim Butterly]

And I was texting my wife like, babe, you got anymore.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's.

[Big J Okerson]

So did you have any Daniel Day? Did you like Daniel Day Lewis? Like everywhere you guys went and they stopped you hungry, you had to go. I don't think I'll be able to keep anything down.

[Tim Butterly]

I'll catch you guys in the parking lot. Yeah, Yeah. I kept up the charade the whole time and I was like swollen with seed.

[Jim Norton]

So you were edging.

[Tim Butterly]

You were edging, but you were three day edge.

[Jim Norton]

So you weren't. You weren't losing it. You were just holding it.

[Tim Butterly]

I was holding it in.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Were you holding it for. On purpose?

[Tim Butterly]

It would have been easier to hold my breath for that long.

[Big J Okerson]

Was the sin line buying.

[Tim Butterly]

Then it was lost.

[Brian Callan]

It's like getting high, right? Edging like that. Like you keep. You keeping yourself on that like that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jim, we get it.

[Big J Okerson]

You're. No.

[Tim Butterly]

I mean, no, I. Jim, I don't usually get to talk to people about this.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I know. I've never seen Jim more excited about a word.

[Jim Norton]

Now you gotta. You gotta take. Take his online workshops. It's great.

[Brian Callan]

Can an older gentleman speak to his young charge.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, you really suffer. And then the release. My God.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. Sexual discipline.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Whoa.

[Tim Butterly]

You're in the clouds. You guys are doing regular. Come. You have no idea what I'm even talking about.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, Alex, where are our points at after two stories?

[Alex]

All right. On the scoreboard.

[Big J Okerson]

Jesus. Come on, Alex. At this point. Are you kidding? At this point.

[Alex]

With two points each, Lewis, Jake Gomez, Tim Butterly, Brian Callan, and Jim Norton.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, I didn't even hear what.

[Alex]

And in the lead with four points. You hear me now, right, Jay?

[Brian Callan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Big Jay Okerson.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Early lead. Solid reading of the panel.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Very impressed.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not getting excited yet.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Today's your day. Shut up, Jay. Today is your day.

[Big J Okerson]

Shut up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

To.

[Tim Butterly]

This is an insurmountable lead. Jay, hold on to this.

[Brian Callan]

You know, Alex, do one of my stories.

[Jim Norton]

Next.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex, Story number three.

[Alex]

Story number three.

[Big J Okerson]

Skiz app.

[Alex]

On two occasions, I was chased out of black neighborhoods while attempting to act black.

[Jim Norton]

On two occasions, by the way. Not one, but two.

[Brian Callan]

That means someone got caught stealing twice.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't learn his lesson the first time.

[Big J Okerson]

I think this is Lewis because he thinks he's a chameleon. Both directions. But both directions don't like him. They both call him Uncle Tom. The other direction.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jay, you were actually a wigger growing up. So was Tim. Right, Tim? Did you have some wiggerdom in your life, Tim?

[Tim Butterly]

There's wiggers in my family for sure. Yeah, I come from a long line of workers. Comp. Wiggers.

[Big J Okerson]

I actually found out I was 75% Ashkanazi wigger.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Callan's a great actor, so I could see him trying to get down with black people and research. Give me a little. Give me a little black voice, Callan.

[Jim Norton]

So racist.

[Big J Okerson]

No, it wasn't. That was the working thing I said when someone does a sketch and he just starts with a circle and the cross.

[Brian Callan]

I have to go, Jay. Just because you're the only guy I know who was really dressing like that. Like in comedy. Yeah, like I remember you from those days.

[Big J Okerson]

The problem with this story not being me is I have never been chased out of a neighborhood. Because he won't run.

[Brian Callan]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

No. No.

[Brian Callan]

Well, maybe. Maybe it was Chase. C H A S T E.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They.

[Big J Okerson]

Didn'T want Me there, they said they want fat white chicks.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, you had to be kind of fast, right? You were chased.

[Big J Okerson]

That's what I'm saying.

[Jim Norton]

I wasn't faster than black.

[Big J Okerson]

My friends could be a car.

[Tim Butterly]

Could be cars in the back chase.

[Big J Okerson]

My friends would run, and then the problem was I couldn't keep up with them. And then the people behind chasing us were getting closer to me as I was getting further from them. And then I would eventually stop and call for them to come back. Just be like, guys, this dude, we ain't running. Yeah, because you don't have to run.

[Tim Butterly]

Faster than the bear. You just have to run faster than your fattest wigger friend.

[Big J Okerson]

That's got to be on a. On a cave wall somewhere.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Callan]

It's not Louis, because Louis, you would stand and fight at least one of those times. You wouldn't. You might get beaten.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're right. I'm a badass.

[Big J Okerson]

Jim, Jim, Jim.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Bad.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not true.

[Tim Butterly]

He wouldn't fight a gay Australian guy. What are you talking about?

[Big J Okerson]

I'm telling you, this is not. This could very well be a young Lewis trying or even a Lewis going to, like, a place he lived as an adult and being like, I'll act black and no. And they'll come at it for it for sure.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think I acted black as an adult.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, I do.

[Brian Callan]

You're always late.

[Jim Norton]

Chin.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're right. Me and my son's mother did break up.

[Big J Okerson]

True.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There's. Yeah. I mean, look, I don't really ever act black. I've been trying to act white my entire life.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, except for those two occasions where.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You chased out of the neighborhood. Jay, you are a card carrying wigger. I mean, there's just no other. Even now, you're kind of turning back into your wigger.

[Big J Okerson]

I've never. Shut up, dude.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shut up.

[Jim Norton]

Dude is so black.

[Brian Callan]

Y' all are bugging.

[Big J Okerson]

Yo. Come on, money grip. Stop fucking around. Money grip.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I mean, Jay, you keep talking.

[Big J Okerson]

That shit, I'm gonna get the biscuit out my car.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You used to wear fubu. You used to wear, like, one pant. You still wear one pant leg up.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, but he was doing white boy crazy. Yeah, he was doing white boy crazy and, like, dancing for them and shit. And doing the robot. He wasn't acting black.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but that's acting to black people. Look, black people aren't that smart.

[Big J Okerson]

I was also, right. I didn't really. I didn't really act. I didn't really act very black.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, he was being.

[Big J Okerson]

I dressed the part for sure.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but this is from the black perspective. You were dressing the part. That was enough acting black for them.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, look, if we're going by this, I had multiple problems at several black comedy clubs while attempting to act black for sure, in those scenarios. Cause I'm sure by the time I got off stage and it was going bad, I had already ditched what I thought was funny and started doing, like, the. Why people stupid. You ever see a mother. You ever look at a motherfucker shoe when you're taking a doo doo? And I would fall right into that, no problem. But, yeah, I was never what it is. I was chased out of a black neighborhood while dressed as Winnie the Pooh, but that wasn't trying to act black at all.

[Jim Norton]

Those glasses. Those glasses help you blend in, though, Kellen.

[Brian Callan]

No, if you were black, it would have been Winnie the Pookie.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Could this be you?

[Jim Norton]

It's. It's a good question. I do a good 70s black guy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let me hear the 70s black guy.

[Jim Norton]

What it is, little mama.

[Brian Callan]

All right, all right.

[Jim Norton]

See how I do that?

[Big J Okerson]

You know, so that's my.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Callan]

That's not Coward style.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I don't think so. I hate to keep on voting for Big J, but I'm giving my vote for Big J.

[Big J Okerson]

Everybody vote for Lewis. I swear to God, it's him right now. Guaranteed. Guaranteed. Yeah, guaranteed.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're wasting. You're wasting your vote, Jim.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, Jim.

[Brian Callan]

Ejo.

[Jim Norton]

Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Big Jail Christian.

[Brian Callan]

I know who it is.

[Jim Norton]

I got. I got Lewis. I think he was probably pretty fast when he was younger and he was able to.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I. I was slower. You could believe it.

[Jim Norton]

Were you?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

All right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Fat kid. Always a metal head. Fat kid. I was a you, eyeliner. Long purple hair.

[Jim Norton]

I would have chased you out of my neighborhood.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Tim, you're a fool.

[Tim Butterly]

Am I a fool? You look at a bad place, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Amongst white trash, I was.

[Brian Callan]

Right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But then I was. I got chased by white kids for being the black kid in the neighborhood.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, then you. You took the black neighborhood to buy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Weed and you got chased. Big J is. Oh, he's cleaning up on this.

[Big J Okerson]

This is not me.

[Brian Callan]

No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, it's Callan. God damn it. It's Callan.

[Big J Okerson]

God damn it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex.

[Jim Norton]

Come on now.

[Brian Callan]

It's not calling.

[Jim Norton]

Come on now, Alex.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Whose story was this bad?

[Alex]

This story belongs to Jim Norton.

[Big J Okerson]

Jim Norton?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No way. No way.

[Jim Norton]

Jim Norton acting black.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, fucking perfect.

[Jim Norton]

That's okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There it is.

[Jim Norton]

There it is. Did you laugh? Would you run away when you were laughing?

[Brian Callan]

Ladies and gentlemen, I was the white kid who wanted to be black long before it was fashionable. Fat shell toe, Adidas with the fat laces. Zero sense of identity. One time I got chased out. Me and my buddy Eddie were on, I forget, the George Street. George street in New Brunswick buying Kango hats. And a gang of black kids surrounded the outside of the store. So I had to call my dad to come and pick us up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's how they knew you weren't black.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, they beat the shit out you all went home. Like he called him in that motherfucking cave. Wha. Him, Mama. Why him?

[Brian Callan]

The second time, I was with my buddy and we were walking to the projects. We had to. From North Brunswick to New Brunswick to the projects to buy crack. And we got. There's a place, a street called Howard street in New Brunswick. And we were. I had my hat and I was. My little get up, up. And like 12 kids again chased us with sticks. And that's when we, like, we. There's a. I. I was running and the kid hit me with a stick. And my friend went, leave him alone.

[Jim Norton]

Oh, dangerous.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

So they caught you and they didn't.

[Brian Callan]

Yo, but we were right on the border, so it was kind of like they. They just hit it and they just let us go.

[Jim Norton]

Gave you a rattaning.

[Brian Callan]

They sure did.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Jim just cleaned up on that round. Holy. You know, Alex, where our score is.

[Alex]

That after three stories on the scoreboard with two points.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex, you can go home. I mean, I feel bad for you right now. This clock out.

[Big J Okerson]

I had some soup.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, she does sound like Biden.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah, why don't you just. Why don't you just go buy yourself a Mercedes Benz? God damn me. Janis Joplin joke.

[Big J Okerson]

Boo.

[Brian Callan]

Jim, I should have done mom's Maybelline. They wouldn't have kicked me out of that neighborhood.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I fall victim to the over their head reference. So long. You guys ever saw Space Gear?

[Alex]

With two points each, Louis J. Gomez, Tim Butterley, and Brian Callan. With four points, Big J Okerson. And in the lead with six points, Jim Norton.

[Big J Okerson]

Clean Sweeper.

[Brian Callan]

Come on, guys.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hey, guys, let's take a quick moment to thank Brunt Workwear for supporting today's show. We. We love. Shut the fuck up, sir.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, shut the what, do you guys hate work boots? Go ahead, Louis, tell them about work boots.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We love Brunt Workwear. They have incredible boots. I'll tell you right now, I wear them all the time. I don't go on, like, a job site. They just feel and look great. But if you guys are working 9 to 5 in construction or in fucking roofing or whatever the else fucking real men do. Brunt. Workwear's got you covered, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

I saw you swimming these shits last night. They're amazing. Straight out of the box. These things are comfier than my couch. Most boots feel you have to break them in. You got the. The rough exterior. It takes a long time. The bottom of your foot hurts. Brunt. It's like they hug the feet from day one. Just like your favorite pair of old sneakers.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, they truly are incredible. They have the waterproof safety toe. They have the. The six inch soft toe. They have so many different styles. Genuinely incredible. And they have things like work jackets and other gear as well. So go to bruntworkware.com bruntworkwear.com and when you check out, use the promo code wars with a Z. Save $10 off today. That's $10 off at bruntworkware.com promo code wars with a Z.

[Big J Okerson]

Be the construction worker in your local YMCA cover band.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, where were we? Alex, Story number four.

[Alex]

Story number four. One time, in a moment of extreme anger, I threw a turkey sandwich on my roommate. It was my sandwich, and I ate it anyway.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I can't keep on voting for Big J, but I need to.

[Jim Norton]

You gotta.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I need to do that. The roommate was Kurt Metzger. Jay would not let a sandwich go.

[Big J Okerson]

Is Louis. He's throwing to me. Lewis knows for a fact I wouldn't eat a turkey sandwich off the floor. There's no chance. No chance.

[Jim Norton]

Are you a germaphobe?

[Big J Okerson]

No, it's just. Yeah. I mean, if that's what it takes. If that's what you call a germaphobe, I guess so, Yes. I don't want to eat food off the floor. Call me a germaphobe. I guess me and Howie Mandel will get on some sort of medication.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Until I cannot scoff at the idea of eating floor food.

[Brian Callan]

It's either Lewis or Brian because again, that's an act of like. Like aggressively throwing a sandwich at a roommate. That seems like something that either Brian or Lewis would do in a moment of anger. Like two guys who. Who would do that?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think I wouldn't waste. If I was gonna get physical with my roommate, I would just fight him. I wouldn't waste my sandwich.

[Jim Norton]

I'm not gonna throw a sandwich at the guy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, you would.

[Jim Norton]

All right, fine.

[Big J Okerson]

No, not you. Not you, Brian. I don't know. I don't know that. Of You. But Lewis would throw anything at anybody.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm not a thrower.

[Big J Okerson]

What are you talking.

[Jim Norton]

He never played sports. He told me last night.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's true. I never.

[Jim Norton]

You know what I mean?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I wouldn't have hit him with it. I would have missed.

[Jim Norton]

You did a rugby. You did a rugby throw like those Europeans.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I assume you missed them and it fell and then you ate it anyway. I mean, like. Yeah, this.

[Jim Norton]

I mean, what. So you must have. You must have hit him with the turkey sandwich and got great satisfaction. Your anger left you and then you went. It's what I thought. And then you put it back together.

[Brian Callan]

You see how insightful that is? He understands what that experience was.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a broken.

[Jim Norton]

And then just.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it's a broke move. For sure.

[Brian Callan]

It's Brian.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think everyone here at one point was. Was broke. Brian, were you ever broke?

[Jim Norton]

No. Sorry. My father refused to pay my credit card bill once. But then he relented after I cried.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Tim is not an angry guy. Tim's not going to get into like. He's not going to lose his cool like that.

[Tim Butterly]

No, I would eat off the floor.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you're going to be eating off the floor this whole week. Probably.

[Big J Okerson]

Tim. This isn't Tim at all. Again, he's.

[Brian Callan]

It's either me or Brian.

[Tim Butterly]

I think you would know more about the sandwich if it was mine.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think this is Brian. This is Brian or Big J. What do you mean?

[Jim Norton]

Here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Stop acting like this couldn't be. I think it's Brian.

[Tim Butterly]

It's Brian.

[Big J Okerson]

It couldn't.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What do you. Jay, you. You have anger problems and I don't want to keep on pointing it out, but you're. You know, they call you Big J erson for a reason.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah. Because that's the game.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Because you eat sandwiches.

[Big J Okerson]

My other friend who was shorter than me was named Little J. You thought it was fat all this time.

[Jim Norton]

I mean, it rests on the fact that you picked it back up and ate it. So.

[Big J Okerson]

I know. Okay. Admittedly, it looks like. Oh my. Jay's the guy who we could picture most diving to the floor for castaway floor food.

[Jim Norton]

Or you're like.

[Big J Okerson]

To make sure we get to eat.

[Jim Norton]

It or you're eating food, you fucking asshole. You're lucky.

[Brian Callan]

That's Lewis. It's Lewis. Absolutely. Lewis would throw it because he's angry. This is not alpha. Pick it up like Ollie.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Don't.

[Big J Okerson]

A thousand.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Jay is fooling you right now. No, no, no.

[Jim Norton]

Lewis, shut up.

[Big J Okerson]

I would not eat a turkey sandwich off the floor.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes, you would.

[Big J Okerson]

You would. You piece of. I wouldn't. You're a vagrant, an animal.

[Tim Butterly]

No, this is not extreme anger for Louis, number one. Number two, there's something very bratty about. It was my sandwich. And I'm hearing it in Callan's voice like it was my sandwich.

[Jim Norton]

You don't know me. I'm not bratty.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was my.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck you.

[Jim Norton]

I'm not even bratty. Tim, you're being a dick right now.

[Tim Butterly]

You stomped your foot.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, well, at least I'm not eating it.

[Tim Butterly]

I'm eating it anyway because it is ma san.

[Jim Norton]

Why don't you go fucking edge in a bathroom?

[Louis J. Gomez]

It has to be Big J at one point. If I just keep on picking his name.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm picking you again.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Please.

[Big J Okerson]

You. Dude, it's already in.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Ah, it's either Callan or Jay. Yeah, audience thinks it's Callan. I hear them whispering.

[Brian Callan]

I have a combination, you guys.

[Louis J. Gomez]

God damn it. I'm going Brian Callan. Just because if it's Jay, I'm gonna be so pissed.

[Brian Callan]

I one time edged at my roommate and ate it. All the same thing.

[Jim Norton]

Now that's better. Fuckin here come the white worms.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Brian Callan's in my vote.

[Jim Norton]

I got Big J Callan, huh? This is fucking amazing. I'm a sandwich thrower.

[Brian Callan]

I was gonna go with Callan, but now I'm gonna go with him.

[Tim Butterly]

Dude, calm down.

[Jim Norton]

You fucking calm down.

[Tim Butterly]

He's freaking.

[Jim Norton]

You and your sensible haircut.

[Big J Okerson]

Who'd you go with? Lewis?

[Jim Norton]

I'm bad with burns.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, well, Lewis, you're an idiot, Jim.

[Brian Callan]

I know.

[Big J Okerson]

Everybody's in.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Louis J. Gomez.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jay's on fire right now. Yeah, it was my roommate, Forest.

[Brian Callan]

Wait a minute. Hold. Don't get me started. Did his mom have the cancer?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. No, we. We got into a huge. We were roommates. We got into a huge argument and I didn't. I wanted to punch him so badly, but I had a turkey. Big turkey sandwich in my hand and I fucking douched him right in the chest and it exploded. It didn't just like hit. It didn't go boom and then hit the floor. It wasn't wrapped. It exploded everywhere. And it's worse than you think. I literally picked up the ingredients of the sandwich and I remade my turkey sandwich. Yeah, I remade the sandwich with all of the floor ingredients.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you rinse it off?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I didn't rinse it off. I had no money. Well, you.

[Big J Okerson]

You didn't have running water.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was my.

[Big J Okerson]

Who Said I don't have money.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We're gonna wash bread and turkey.

[Big J Okerson]

I would absolutely wash the turkey, at least.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's psychotic.

[Jim Norton]

You gotta just eat it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's gotta eat it.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm wrong.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Washing. Washing the sandwich is crazy.

[Jim Norton]

Why? It's already.

[Big J Okerson]

It's been. What was in that weed?

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

Is everyone like. Everyone's like, Jay, where did you get your stupid ideas from?

[Jim Norton]

I'm sure.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm sure Louis scrubs like a little floor turkey.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Washing a sandwich is crazier than eating it off the floor.

[Brian Callan]

It is.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Brian Callan]

No one washes.

[Jim Norton]

Sandwiches are not waterproof.

[Big J Okerson]

The turkey at least.

[Brian Callan]

Nah, nah. I would dab.

[Big J Okerson]

I can't believe this is an argument between five.

[Brian Callan]

Yes.

[Jim Norton]

Scrape it. You could scrape it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You scrape it. You pick the little pieces of hair off it or.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, and also, don't be a. Just eat the sandwich.

[Brian Callan]

Absolutely. A piece of tooth.

[Jim Norton]

Scott glint from his shirt.

[Tim Butterly]

I just kiss it up to God.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex, where are scores at?

[Alex]

In last place, with two points each, Tim Butterly and Brian Ken.

[Jim Norton]

Fuck.

[Tim Butterly]

I haven't slept in six days.

[Alex]

In third place with four points, Luis J. Gomez.

[Brian Callan]

A polite little golf applause. That's nice.

[Alex]

In second place with six points, Big J Okerson. And in the lead with eight points, Jim Norton.

[Jim Norton]

Effortless. It's just a winner. The kid's a winner.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We are halfway through our game right now. That means we're gonna do some plugs. We're gonna go around the. The table real quick. Then obviously we have four more stories after the shim. What are you plugging, my friend?

[Brian Callan]

I just started a turkey sandwich washing company.

[Big J Okerson]

Do they come to you or do you got to go to them?

[Tim Butterly]

They do in calls.

[Brian Callan]

I have a special on YouTube now. It's called. I keep forgetting what I named it. Fuck. Do you have that, Alex?

[Big J Okerson]

Unconceivable.

[Brian Callan]

Oh, thank you. Yes. Unconceivable.

[Jim Norton]

Good marketing. A real marketing machine.

[Brian Callan]

No, it's a mental block.

[Jim Norton]

You're like Mr. Beast.

[Brian Callan]

I have a special on YouTube and I'm very happy with it, so I hope people like it.

[Jim Norton]

I have a podcast, just search for special.

[Brian Callan]

So that's it. Unconceivable.

[Jim Norton]

Okay, that's beautiful.

[Brian Callan]

Thank you. Oh, come on. Come on.

[Jim Norton]

I'm going to be at The Brea Improv July 5th, day after July 4th. So, yeah, make sure you get out there. It should be a lot of fun on a Saturday after the fireworks go off. And I have a special coming out that I shot here about three months ago called False Gods. Oh yeah, but it's not there yet. But it's coming.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Butterly.

[Tim Butterly]

Check out my podcast Dab Me Tim Butterly Show. I'll be at Dead Crow Comedy in Wilmington, North Carolina June 27th and 28th. I'd love to see you there, Tim. Butterleague.com for tickets. Thank you very much.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Big J Okerson out of breath.

[Big J Okerson]

BigJComedy.com for all my dates. Look for a city near you on the Big J Okerson's Peter North American tour. Coming on a city near you. If you get it, you get it.

[Brian Callan]

It's a great tour name, by the way.

[Big J Okerson]

Peter North American North American Tour.

[Jim Norton]

Call my special American Boner. But I chickened out. All right.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah, but this is where come see.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Me on the road. Sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

Watch my specials. Them they both crowdwork specials available right now on YouTube. Make sure you check those out and listen to the bonfire with me and Robert Kelly on Faction Talk, SiriusXM103 and of course the legendary Legion of Skanks right here on the guest digital network.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Thank you Nazis. Come see me on the road. Also July 4th weekend I'll be in Atlanta, Atlantic City the 5th and the 6th. That's the weekend before I film my next special in Tampa, Florida. The special taping is sold out for Saturday night. You can still get tickets for Thursday and Friday, July 10th and 11th, Tampa side splitters. A lot of other dates coming up. Go to my website louisofskanks.com obviously check out all the other pods that I do including Legion of Skanks and the regs. And you guys should go pre order my book. I just wrote a book and it's called Knives and Spoons. You can get it on Amazon right now. And if you love this show, the uncensored and ad free version is available exclusively for subscribers to the gas digital network. Gas digital.com we pre release the episodes. They come out every Monday night before they go anywhere else. Plus we have thousands of hours of content that is not available anywhere else. All uncensored, all ad free on the one and only gas digital.com use that promo code war and you save a buck 50amonth on your premium membership.

[Brian Callan]

What's the name of your book?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Knives and Spoons.

[Brian Callan]

Knives.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, because my, my mother.

[Brian Callan]

I don't care.

[Big J Okerson]

Jim.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There's nobody more diabolical and evil than Jim Norton.

[Jim Norton]

He's waiting for the movie to come out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm glad God gave you his.

[Big J Okerson]

He's confident, playing for keeps because he wants Fierce love by Reverend doctor Jackie Lewis. Reverend doctor Jackie Lewis combines theology, activism and raw memoir. Fierce Love challenges readers to reimagine justice through the lens of love. Dr. Lewis offers nine core principles to guide a more compassionate life, touching on race, sexuality, forgiveness, edging and community. With her signature warmth and clarity, she argues that choosing Fierce Love is the most radical and necessary act in a divided world.

[Jim Norton]

Damn.

[Big J Okerson]

And also. Well, Tim, you're probably feeling. Oh, also, Brian, you guys probably just feel like pieces of shit who shouldn't even come out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Sure, sure.

[Big J Okerson]

But you're probably feeling pretty low, like you can't crawl out of this and you came here for fucking nothing.

[Jim Norton]

What's this for again? We got the book.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you're not far away from this book, because for the final four stories, we go double.

[Jim Norton]

You guys have quite the following.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah, but it's really not a big deal because everyone gets double points. Oh, I see. It's a thing.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. They gotta get to the riots in a hurry.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't want. I don't want you to lose sight of what was said, Brian, because of all that hubbub. But whereas before, if you fooled somebody, you got a point. And if you guessed somebody right, you got two points. Now you get Tim, they give you twice as many.

[Brian Callan]

In other words, DP.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jim's your internal monologue again.

[Tim Butterly]

I'm abstaining from saying the phrase I'm going on a DP fast because I believe in myself and I refuse to accept the kind of treatment you guys gave me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Tim Butterly]

I'm the Nelson Mandela of.

[Big J Okerson]

You're doing it with DP Tantra.

[Brian Callan]

I have a new special. It's called Double Points.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Brian Callan]

I hate that.

[Jim Norton]

It's. It depresses me, makes me. My stomach hurts, Alex. Oh, man, they get me. It's like. Do me a favor, Alex.

[Big J Okerson]

Why don't you growl out story number five?

[Jim Norton]

She died. Story number about three minutes ago.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

She'S got TV animal.

[Jim Norton]

She's got consumption.

[Brian Callan]

Yes, yes. We got Fudgy the Whale, Tom carvel. Anybody over 50 from New Jersey.

[Alex]

I was on a hike with a sexy woman.

[Big J Okerson]

Now I. Well, now I walk the night wearing her skin.

[Jim Norton]

I was on a hike with a sexy woman.

[Alex]

I was on a hike. Sexy woman who was walking ahead of me showing her underwear. Just then I needed to take an emergency shit In a panic, I ran the wrong way and pooped further down the path.

[Big J Okerson]

That was Brian Cowan. This is Hawkeye. Shit.

[Brian Callan]

This is. Yup, yup, there's a hike.

[Jim Norton]

I don't fucking hike. I'm not gonna Take a girl on a hike. It's a.

[Brian Callan]

Not after that.

[Jim Norton]

That's a.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, that's a beta move. I'm not gonna go, hey, do you want to go on a hike? I'm gonna.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The only people who have ever been on hikes here are you and Tim Butterly.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, that's. That's what I'm.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And this also could be Tim Butterly's wife. Sexy. What? Describing as sexy.

[Big J Okerson]

A sexy woman.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Sexy woman is what it was.

[Big J Okerson]

Such a sexy woman.

[Jim Norton]

I'm going, Tim.

[Tim Butterly]

So you're saying you agree? Because she would love to hear that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

When she watches Mary Jo's Hot as Fuck.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's go.

[Jim Norton]

Well, by the way, he has a delicate tummy, as you know, so.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah, but Tim wouldn't put in two log stories. I think this is a Cowan move.

[Tim Butterly]

Tim.

[Brian Callan]

Good looking guy. Had to fucking took a pretty girl on a hike and then all of a sudden had to shit and race right back down the hill. And they stepped in it on the way down. I'm gonna say no.

[Jim Norton]

It says. It says. It says he. I ran the wrong way and pooped further down the pass. What does that mean? Does that mean they went this way? They went toward.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know. What does it mean? Brian.

[Jim Norton]

Callan. You're out of your mind.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Callie. You're saying you've never been on a hike?

[Jim Norton]

I mean, I'm taking a girl on a hike. That's gotta be him.

[Big J Okerson]

You're just super stoked on physical fitness. Why would you do that?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, you're from la. There's canyons, there's places to hike. There's hot women.

[Tim Butterly]

There's sexy women.

[Jim Norton]

All right, I'm going. Tim Butterly.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah. I'm going with Brian.

[Tim Butterly]

Babe, I'll be right back.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I have to go edge.

[Tim Butterly]

It's probably Norton, but I'll go Kellen.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I don't think Norton said.

[Brian Callan]

I would have taken a. And then let her right into it.

[Big J Okerson]

Mud pie.

[Brian Callan]

Or I would have just gotten it on my dick. Hey, why did I have this?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Could be. But it's written like it's Butterly. That's my issue right here. But it's another lust story. Another story about his wife.

[Jim Norton]

A sexy woman.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Sexy.

[Brian Callan]

Another duty story.

[Jim Norton]

He's very respectful.

[Tim Butterly]

Is this lost, though?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Why are all of your sins with your wife?

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah. That's just what we get into.

[Jim Norton]

They're in.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They're.

[Jim Norton]

They're in the scat.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Guys. Who do we think this is?

[Tim Butterly]

No, don't guess. Me and waste it. Well, I guess. Guess me and get it wrong. C. This is California Lewis.

[Jim Norton]

Might be Lewis.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I've never been on a hike in my entire life.

[Brian Callan]

Me and he shits his pants.

[Jim Norton]

Who takes somebody on a hike for a date? That's you. Because you recording your lady. Right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Tim would take his wife on a hike for a date. Unquestionably for sure.

[Tim Butterly]

And I have done this on hikes with her.

[Jim Norton]

Thank you.

[Tim Butterly]

But this is not my story.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, shit.

[Tim Butterly]

One time we were hiking in Oregon and I was ankle deep in water and I said, hey, watch the path for me. I'm about to unload.

[Jim Norton]

There you go.

[Tim Butterly]

And I went through some bushes to what I thought was like a little clearing. No one would see it. Turns out it was a secondary path.

[Big J Okerson]

Death.

[Tim Butterly]

And as I heard footsteps approaching in the dirt, I tried to finish up really quickly. I cut the log. It went into my shoes and all down the back of my pants. And when I got.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is the story I read.

[Tim Butterly]

This is a different story. I went back to my wife and I went into ankle deep water and I sat down and I was trying to splash the shit off of my legs and she went, oh my God, did you shit. So this is not my story.

[Jim Norton]

It's a very good head fake. That's a good head fake.

[Big J Okerson]

That's a great story.

[Jim Norton]

The same story.

[Tim Butterly]

Thanks, Jim.

[Brian Callan]

That's an awesome.

[Tim Butterly]

Appreciate you.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, why the dilly dally?

[Tim Butterly]

I don't think an emergency shit would take Lewis off of.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't think Louis is the outside guy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's not me and I have shit outside.

[Big J Okerson]

Sorry.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I should have pex pond one time I had a shit so badly and then I wiped it with my socks. And then I threw my socks in the pond.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Brian Callan]

Do you know one time I had to shit so badly I had on satin shorts and no underpants. I know I had underpants, but I had to. And they were yellow jackets. I wore satin shorts.

[Tim Butterly]

I would have left them all, man.

[Jim Norton]

Were you in Japan?

[Brian Callan]

I. I just liked satin shorts. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

This what you did, right? After trying to act black, you moved on the satin shorts.

[Jim Norton]

I wonder why you got chased out of the neighborhood. Hey, you guys.

[Tim Butterly]

Well, it feels pretty good in the do rag. I might as well try it.

[Jim Norton]

Satin shorts.

[Brian Callan]

All right, if you're gonna make fun, I'm not gonna tell you.

[Jim Norton]

I gotta go to H and M. They gotta. They gotta a sale on satin shorts.

[Brian Callan]

I'm glad you guys are having fun. That's good. I try to open up and you what is your book about? I'm serious. Why did you name it that?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Tim Butterly is my answer.

[Tim Butterly]

Callan answered too fast to Tim.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jimmy will never know. Alex, all of our answers are in.

[Alex]

Story number five belongs to Brian Call.

[Big J Okerson]

God damn it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

God damn it. I'm back, you hiking la homo.

[Jim Norton]

I know. And I had to. I had to shoot now. Not like in a minute right now. And I. And I went. I looked at her, I went, ah. And I like pretending I was gonna scare her. And I ran. Fucking I ran. But I didn't run backwards. I ran that way and I shat. And then I could hear coming. She goes, what are you doing? I go, woo. And. And then she came out and I went, boo. Like that. I was gonna scare her, but I went, ah. In her face so she didn't look down. I was kicking dust. And then we fucking. I was like, holy shit. You know, it's one of those things like I have an amoeba or something. And we kept walking. And then I had to shit now again. Now not in a couple seconds. And I went, ah. And I ran again. And I shat again. And then I. And I fucking was hiding and I was. And she was like, what are you doing? You're trying to scare me. And then I did it again. I fucking scared her again. The third time, she goes, are you sick? And I said, I think so. And then we had to walk back through the minefield. And I swear to God, as we were walking, I went like this. It was so awkward. I liked her so much. She was. Doesn't matter. But I went. And then there was a bird. It wasn't even. It was a shitty bird. And I went, that's an eagle. Look right there. And she was looking up. She goes, that's not an eagle. I go, that is an eagle. That's a small eagle. They have small eagles. Coming up with some ornithology. Anyway, it didn't go well. I didn't get laid and I had to sit. I tried to wash my ass in the sink at the hiking place. It's a bad story.

[Brian Callan]

It's a great story. That's a fucking. That's a made for TV movie. I fucking love that. There's a ghost on the path.

[Jim Norton]

Yep, yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

What are our scores looking like?

[Alex]

Alex on the scoreboard in last place with four points each, Louis J. Gomez and Brian Callan.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Getting my dick kicked in here.

[Brian Callan]

Boy, that's rough.

[Jim Norton]

It's all right. I'm figuring it out. I'm figuring this game out.

[Alex]

In third place with six points, Tim Butterley.

[Jim Norton]

That's cute.

[Alex]

In second place with 10 points, Big J Okerson.

[Big J Okerson]

Not too excited.

[Alex]

And in the lead with 12 points, Jim Norton.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yo, it's Lis, Shay Gomez and Big J Okerson bringing the madness on Story wars, the sickest game show podcast around my old wall. It was a disaster. Bulky, falling apart, giving me a crooked spine. Jay, what trash were you carrying?

[Big J Okerson]

Lewis, I would just make my girlfriend carry all my shit and hit her when I wanted something like a sad taco stuffed with receipts. Now I'm all in with Ridge Wallets. You see that new titanium black beast they got on the website? That's my new go to bathroom site. No longer WorldStarhip Shop, just Ridge [e-mail].

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Slim as hell. Holds 12 cards, plus cash made with badass aluminum or carbon fiber and 50 styles. And that RFD blocking tech keeps digital pickpockets out of my booze.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yo, Rich actually gave me this idea with their carbon fiber air tag wallet. I'm gonna put an air tag attachment on everything I own.

[Big J Okerson]

Even your girl?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Even my girl.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's how I got her in the first place.

[Big J Okerson]

Tag her in her sleek.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Ridge's lifetime warranty means it's the last wallet that I'll ever buy their suitcase and key cases. Same sleek, tough vibe. With over 100,000 5 star reviews. You know it's legit, Jay. That air tag give you peace of mind or what?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, dude, I hashtag my bitch. Hashtag, hashtag, track your bitch. Hell yeah. No more freaking out at the bar or when you get home after the bar because you know where your girlfriend. Girlfriend's epic. Because you tagged her.

[Louis J. Gomez]

For a limited time, our listeners get 10 [e-mail] by using the promo code WARS. That's ridge.com warswithaz. And use that promo code wars with a Z to grab the perfect upgrade for your summer. Once again, that's ridge.com warswithaz. All right, where were we? Alex, story number six.

[Alex]

Story number six.

[Big J Okerson]

The Journey to the the dark side. Strike me down. Unleash your anger.

[Alex]

I once got caught staring at a woman in a bikini at the pool and she screamed at me, Jesus.

[Brian Callan]

Can I claim that one, too? I want that story. I like that.

[Big J Okerson]

Lewis.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No.

[Tim Butterly]

Okay.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, I think that was probably Jim.

[Brian Callan]

You're probably right. I've been caught.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, yeah, because you're such a sweet human being. But when you're staring, yeah, it's ugly.

[Brian Callan]

Because I don't stare at the breasts. I go Right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

For the.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, you look. When you're staring, you look like you're hard on small things. You know what I mean? You got that kind of. That scowl. So I would imagine she's probably.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah, this.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, this could be Tim. Tim's a sweet boy, but this could be when he was younger, you know?

[Brian Callan]

Oh, yeah, here's why. Yeah, here's why I would think, Tim. Because the screaming would affect you. You don't seem like a pervert. Like, you seem like a private pervert. Like a guy who will edge in a bathroom.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Right.

[Jim Norton]

But, but, but Tim doesn't. Tim isn't threatening. This feels like this woman was.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, but I think Jim breaks a great point, which is that, like, this is. This is a story that I wouldn't even remember. It's like what, some lady screamed staring at her tips. I think it's like that affected Tim in a way where he's like, oh, wow, this is a big deal in my life.

[Big J Okerson]

This could be the Norton origin story for sure.

[Brian Callan]

That's right.

[Big J Okerson]

She screamed at him and you fell into like a vat of something radioactive. Back of something.

[Brian Callan]

I scared her and she yelled and I'm like, well, no more of that.

[Big J Okerson]

You fire started her.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I can't come unless there's a woman screaming at me.

[Jim Norton]

You look like you're frowning. Why am I not attracted to that?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, this is like. This is like a nice guy story. This affected this person. Tim is a nice guy's a nice guy.

[Tim Butterly]

And I can imagine screaming at him.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Piece of shit.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Tim Butterly]

Well, I don't agree with that.

[Jim Norton]

That.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you, Tim.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You don't know him that well.

[Big J Okerson]

He does. He sees all of me.

[Brian Callan]

Is the age mentioned in the story? No, I thought I. Oh, I can't see it. It's on the screen.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There's. Yeah, there's no age.

[Brian Callan]

Oh, okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Staring at a woman.

[Brian Callan]

This is me to wreck the vibe.

[Big J Okerson]

Sorry, folks, I'm going with Jim.

[Brian Callan]

Mistake.

[Jim Norton]

See, I can see you staring at a woman. Not lecherously, but just out of curiosity. Or you're just. You know what I mean?

[Brian Callan]

Oh, yeah.

[Jim Norton]

You were like, yeah. And then she thought, he's staring. He's looking at me for too long. Yeah. Although in New York you can stare at a dude for too long and get in a fight, right?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Depends on where you're at.

[Louis J. Gomez]

With a dude on the subway, you either have to fight or right there and then.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, that's it. If you're on the east coast and you're looking at the somebody for too long. It's. It's on.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not the 80s.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, maybe.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah, that's true.

[Jim Norton]

This was in the 80s.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Especially if you're caught on someone's turf.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Now Jim was. Now Jim. Jim was at the pool. I'm looking at your skin.

[Brian Callan]

Thank you.

[Jim Norton]

Right, yes. So you don't spend a lot of.

[Brian Callan]

Time in the sun, because now I avoid it completely.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. This is Jim Norton, summer community pool in Jersey. Looking at an older lady's camel toe. I would do this. I don't think it's weird if somebody says this was me. That's why I think it's.

[Brian Callan]

I don't think it's you. I think it's Tim.

[Big J Okerson]

Very possibly.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm going with my instincts. Tim Butterly.

[Jim Norton]

Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Really nice guy, Tim.

[Big J Okerson]

Staring at a woman isn't a nice boy thing to do.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's what every boy did.

[Big J Okerson]

Not Tim. He wouldn't. You're wrong about him. I wish you wouldn't say these things.

[Brian Callan]

Good guess, Tim. Very smart.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, everybody's answers are in Alex.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Jim Norton.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Fucking shit.

[Jim Norton]

Told you.

[Brian Callan]

I told you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Can I ever be right?

[Brian Callan]

What happened was I was about 5.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And it was the Jim Norton origin story.

[Big J Okerson]

I told you. This is a Jim Orden story.

[Brian Callan]

I was at the apartment pool with, and there was a woman. She was dating the superintendent, like. No, the maintenance guy. She was dating the maintenance. She was old. I mean, I was five. She was probably 30. And in her bathing suit, I could see pubic hair sticking out the side. And I was sitting with my friend Tony. And I go, I see hairs. And she sits up and she goes, what did you say? And I went, nothing. And Tony went. He said, he can see hairs. And she goes, you little fucking pig. And I left the pool.

[Tim Butterly]

I ran face first into a lifeguard's penis.

[Brian Callan]

Whoa.

[Tim Butterly]

Now we're talking.

[Brian Callan]

And he said, quick, you need oxygen.

[Big J Okerson]

I was like, oh, I used to. When I was a kid. I remember finding out that if you put on goggles, you can see pubes coming out of the sides of women's bathing suits. So if you saw an aerial shot of any pool that I was in with older women, it was just like, their heads and just a fat kid, like, dead man floating right from their pussies like this. Goggles.

[Brian Callan]

And by the way, the story does have a happy ending, because the maintenance guy she was dating in the apartments was cutting the lawn, and he pulled the lawnmower back and he cut off three of his Toes. So that is a nice ending. Fuck that emasculating bitch. I hope she's dead.

[Big J Okerson]

Yep, that guy's a terrible lawnmower. That's why she had that big old bush.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jim is cleaning up today. Alex, where are our points at? Don't strain your voice.

[Alex]

All right, in last, please, with four points, Louis J. Gomez was.

[Big J Okerson]

Put a little enthusiasm in it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's okay. Can't win them all.

[Alex]

Next up, with eight points, Brian Callan.

[Brian Callan]

A.

[Jim Norton]

But I'm still second to last.

[Alex]

With 10 points, Tim Butterley.

[Tim Butterly]

We're coming back.

[Alex]

And tied for the lead with 14.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Points each.

[Alex]

Big J. Okerson and Jim Norton.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow. Maybe you guys are here for the night. Maybe you're here for the night. It happened, Alex.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Story number seven.

[Alex]

Story number seven. Without actually knowing how to play my instrument, I made it all the way to the All City Band, made up of the best musicians from every school.

[Big J Okerson]

This sounds like a good boy story.

[Jim Norton]

That does. And that sounds like a modest way to say that I play an instrument fluently. I don't really know how to play. Right.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I dab. I dick around.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. Because if I could play anything, I'd be. If I could play the piano, I'd drag it to the beach. You know what I mean? The only reason you'd play an instrument is to get laid, I think. But if you're. If you love music, which you clearly do, because you're a romantic. Right.

[Tim Butterly]

True. Lady was like, I adore music. You know what I mean?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did you. Did you play in the entrance door music?

[Jim Norton]

He shreds a flute.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But you play guitar, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Oh, you do?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

I was in the All City.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jim, do you play any instruments?

[Brian Callan]

I do not. I've never played an instrument in my life. Perfect.

[Tim Butterly]

This could be you.

[Brian Callan]

It could be. It absolutely could be me. Because maybe I would lie. And I always did want attention, but it's not me.

[Tim Butterly]

I can see this being Louis and then him bragging about it, too.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was a drummer in a band, bro.

[Big J Okerson]

I was gonna say. Did you play school?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I did play, but I was really bad. I just, like. I wasn't good on, like, in band.

[Jim Norton]

You got to play that side. That side.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There was, like, four precautionists. One's on the bass drum, one's on the snare drum, one's on a cymbal. It's like retards. Just bad.

[Jim Norton]

But that's.

[Tim Butterly]

That was pretty convincing, Louis.

[Jim Norton]

Plus, you don't really. You just said you don't really. Now I have to know how to play the instrument, which I can do right now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So, yeah, anybody can play a bass drum. You just do this.

[Jim Norton]

I was raised in the piano.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You were raising the piano?

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. My father used to place the piano in front of the window so I could watch the neighborhood children play. Through my tears Strength in this life Fun in the next Boy again Forced me to play songs just beyond my capability My mistakes were numerous and with my mistakes Came the bite of the rattan cane on my boy Back again Yes, Papa, I would say don't give up on me, Papa he had a cruel smell he smelled like gunmetal in rawhide he had such a black mustache he was a marine his hands were built for enforcement I was born with my mother's hands.

[Tim Butterly]

It was Callan.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck.

[Jim Norton]

Fuck.

[Big J Okerson]

Was that the birdcage?

[Jim Norton]

Yes. No, it's just me.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know Broadway.

[Jim Norton]

I'm actor. I studied theater for a long time.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jay, this could be you as well.

[Tim Butterly]

I can't imagine Jay doing extracurricular.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't. That's true. I didn't do much. My school didn't offer much extracurricular. And all I play was, like, drum stuff, too.

[Jim Norton]

Here's the thing. But, like, it's all city. He grew up in a city. That's Lewis. Tim doesn't give me city vibes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Tim grew up in a city. Jay grew up in a city. I grew up in the suburbs.

[Jim Norton]

What city did you grow up in?

[Tim Butterly]

Philadelphia.

[Jim Norton]

Oh, Philly.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

All right. I don't get Philly from you. Outskirts.

[Tim Butterly]

Thank you. No, no, actually, the worst part.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. Kensington. The scariest part.

[Jim Norton]

Of course, Kensington. I love Kensington. We used to summer there. We have a timeshare.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think Tim plays the guitar, but I think this is probably a different instrument.

[Tim Butterly]

I think that's such a bogus Guess that it's you.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. I gotta go.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Tim just. Tim just cut me off because he's afraid they're gonna get people to start.

[Brian Callan]

That's a great point. Tim's afraid the avalanche of truth is gonna spill upon him.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Tim Butterly is my answer. I think he was probably like, saxophone. He just faked it. Tim's very likable. I could see them being like, I just let him fucking play in the city band.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like Brian is showing us he could do impressions. He could play it fast and loosey improvs.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

It feels like he could, like, schmooze his way through something like this.

[Jim Norton]

Look at my fingers.

[Brian Callan]

Look.

[Tim Butterly]

Jim's been quiet.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He has A dick in his mouth.

[Brian Callan]

Well, you know, it's not yours or I'd still be talking.

[Jim Norton]

That's why he's a professional. That's why there's only one Jim Norton, the legend.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The legend. Jim Norton.

[Jim Norton]

Legend Jim Norton. Let that be a lesson to you aspiring comics out there.

[Big J Okerson]

You.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Woo, woo, woo.

[Jim Norton]

Guys. Callan. Huh?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, because.

[Jim Norton]

Because I always would. I'd have a rolling piano when I was in the band.

[Big J Okerson]

Didn't have to be a piano.

[Jim Norton]

All City band.

[Brian Callan]

I say Tim Butterly. I think it's a Tim vibe.

[Jim Norton]

I'm going. Lewis plays the drum.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Stupid move. Callan.

[Brian Callan]

I'm going with tb.

[Jim Norton]

I just don't see anybody playing a guitar. Is it a marching band? I think a marching band.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's Tim. It's Tim. We all know it's Tim. Everyone is Tim, right?

[Brian Callan]

I don't know. Now I'm thinking it might be Lewis because he's. He's. He's pushing too hard to fool everyone.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, if you could pull it together.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Big.

[Jim Norton]

What the fuck? I didn't know you. You quiet, you talented giant.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jay, this. You are so close, Jay. He cleaned up. He cleaned up. Perfect round with double points.

[Jim Norton]

Fuck. Damn.

[Brian Callan]

Wow. Am I the only one who got it?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, no, it wasn't a perfect round. You got J. Oh, no, he changed it.

[Brian Callan]

Somebody. Sly as a fox.

[Big J Okerson]

It was basically what. Everybody was guessing the same thing. I played drums. Lewis, almost like your story. When you took drum lessons but played with, like, the school band, you had to do, like, a thing. So it was like snare drum of the most basic level, or bass drum timpani, which was essentially just doing roll. It was just nothing to it. And I didn't know how to play or read music or anything and. But because I just went to a shitty school with, like, a shitty school system in West Philly, it was just. I just kept getting booted up to these things and just, like, listen and let, like, a black kid do it, right? And then just be like. Like, you know, kind of like mime with him and play along. I never got caught, but I genuinely never knew how to play or read music or anything. I was just standing there in a tie they make you wear.

[Tim Butterly]

It's the end of whiplash. You're covered in sweat just holding two symbols together.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh. When you. If you got lucky enough to get symbols in the song, that was the best. Because you only happen a few times. You'd lay it, Ray. And then really, like, you know, shiver it out for them.

[Tim Butterly]

Wink At a girl.

[Brian Callan]

Honestly, though, Drumline was such a good movie.

[Jim Norton]

Again.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't watch movies after seven stories. Where are our points at Big J? I think you have a pretty big lead right now.

[Jim Norton]

That was good.

[Alex]

All right. In last place with four points, Lewis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, that did. I did feel that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If Jay wins, I'll be happy. Happy. I'll be happy today. If Jay wins, I can be in last place.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't jump on my happiness.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's my happiness.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. We did it.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

In fourth place, with eight points, Brian Callan.

[Jim Norton]

God, I'm so used to taking first in wrestling.

[Alex]

In third place, with 10 points, Tim Butterly.

[Jim Norton]

Tim Buttery, a gentleman's third.

[Alex]

In second place with 14 points, Jim Norton.

[Jim Norton]

No.

[Brian Callan]

No, I don't deserve it.

[Alex]

And in the lead with 22 points, Big J. Oker.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So the only way for. For anybody to even tie with Jay would be if the last story belongs to Jim and nobody guesses Jim. It's the only way just to tie with Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

Guys, what is that smell I'm smelling? I think it's part self help, part spiritual guide. Fierce Love by Reverend Dr. Jackie Lewis equips readers with the tools to navigate a chaotic world without losing hope or humanity. Reverend Dr. Jackie Lewis draws from her interfaith background and decades of activism to offer a loving yet urgent call to action. Transform your life and the world around you with the. The fierce rule breaking kindness is coming home with this guy. I feel good. I'm gonna vote before the next story. Louis.

[Brian Callan]

Oh, yeah. So you gotta do one of mine. So, like, I could possibly tie. That's the only shot any of us have.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hey, guys, let's take a quick moment and thank Body Brain Coffee for supporting today's show. This is my coffee brand that I started that helps you boost testosterone and brain function. And I'll tell you, it really is great. Jay, I know you've been drinking Body Brain Coffee every day and you feel jacked.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll stab your child in the neck if you think about buying another kind of coffee with steroids in it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, there's no steroids in it.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Basically, it's clinically backed ingredients. In their effective doses, we have Tongat Ali, which supports testosterone, Lion's Mane for brain function, Ashwagandha for your mood, and L Theanine to smooth it all out.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay, Body Brain Coffee. Boy, isn't your girlfriend clumsy?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Save 15 today with the promo code [e-mail]. once again, that is war15 for 15%. [e-mail]. all right, where were we?

[Big J Okerson]

Now for all ethnicities.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex, our final story. Story number eight.

[Alex]

Story number eight.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, story number eight.

[Brian Callan]

Dude, her voice is scratchy.

[Jim Norton]

It's got soda in it. It's a soda and brandy voice.

[Alex]

I broke both hands punching drywall when I hit a stud after my friends got in a fight at one of my shows.

[Jim Norton]

Huh.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, if we get into the fight, this is a story about somebody punching a wall because Lewis got into a fight.

[Brian Callan]

And if it was at Lewis's show, it would have been the club owner punching.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're really bullying me today, Jim. Yeah, it hurts a little bit, but it's funny. I hate when he. When I have to laugh at him trashing me.

[Jim Norton]

Yep.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, look, I've broken hands punching things, but that's because of whores.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I've never been passionate enough to punch a wall over friends.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Hit a stud, huh? After. So somebody. Their friend. So your friends were fighting at a.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Show and Brian is a terrible actor.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How do you get movies?

[Big J Okerson]

So let me get this straight.

[Jim Norton]

I don't do this. My friends aren't getting along.

[Big J Okerson]

By the way, if you broke both hands punching drywall and hit a stud, did they go like this?

[Alex]

Ca.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How'd you hit the same stud? Yeah, you're like. You go, is that the stud?

[Big J Okerson]

Let it move a little bit. It must be a two by eight, right?

[Jim Norton]

Somebody knows. Somebody knows construction around here. And I don't. I don't work with my hands because they're broken.

[Big J Okerson]

True.

[Jim Norton]

Damn it. I hate. Fuck. There goes my piano.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like I'm sorry too, Brian.

[Tim Butterly]

Haven't you talked on podcasts about, like, hanging out with dudes that get into fights and shit?

[Jim Norton]

Yep, I talk a lot about. I have a lot of fight stories. None of them are true, but a lot of them are.

[Tim Butterly]

I. I could see a lot of.

[Jim Norton]

Five stories about how I almost fall.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How do you. How do you tell fight stories on a podc where the other guy is the fighter?

[Jim Norton]

You have to have a lot of.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Call the balls on Brian. Brian's like, hold on. Fight story. I got this one.

[Jim Norton]

You got to be. You got to be a liar.

[Big J Okerson]

What if Brian's just finding out right now that he's the kid? What? Oh, cuz he did the. Wow.

[Jim Norton]

That's right. I wouldn't break my hands, though. I study kung fu.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you see through the target.

[Jim Norton]

Well, no, we don't punch in kung fu. It's eze. And when you move from your chara. You break, you go. This is too much information. But you go right through the study. Ezeh. You know, So a lot of it's here. So my master used to force us. We had vats of rice. My tutelage was cruel. He forced me to hold the horse stance. I used to have to wear a testicle cinch. The pain was excruciating. But I went somewhere else.

[Big J Okerson]

He sold me. I think this is Tim Butterly getting. He's an emotional guy and he got sad about friends fighting and he wanted to stop. So he drew the. He drew it back to him.

[Tim Butterly]

You think I'm a big dry ball punching guy. That's nuts.

[Brian Callan]

Who drinks out of you guys?

[Jim Norton]

I think you fake a stomachache. An edge.

[Brian Callan]

That sounds like something.

[Tim Butterly]

Correct. That was one of my stomachs.

[Jim Norton]

I'm almost come now. Fucking shithead heads.

[Tim Butterly]

No way. I see. I see Brian getting lit up back at the apartment. Probably upset. One tear in his eye, but not crying. And one, two, die.

[Jim Norton]

That and there goes my piano lesson.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that is it too. It was definitely like a one, two, quick. And I throw.

[Jim Norton]

I throw fast. I got viper quick.

[Tim Butterly]

He threw one, two and then dipped and then realized he was in excruciating pain.

[Jim Norton]

That's what happens.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

He goes. That's what happens when you fuck.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think I agree. Brian Callan is my answer.

[Brian Callan]

Yep. There we go.

[Jim Norton]

I'm going. I'm going.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, no.

[Tim Butterly]

I forgot to pick a fake guy.

[Jim Norton]

I'm going. Louis J. Gomez.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah. Lewis could have done that.

[Jim Norton]

See Lewis punching?

[Brian Callan]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

And this gets me triple points here.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Help me, please.

[Jim Norton]

Rachel.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Someone help me.

[Jim Norton]

Rachel. She's one of the. One of.

[Alex]

The final story of the night belongs to Tim Butterly.

[Big J Okerson]

Whoa.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Whoa. It was Tim Butterly.

[Jim Norton]

The kid will throw hands. He'll throw hands. He'll surprise you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wow. Tim, tell us this story.

[Tim Butterly]

It actually was exactly what you said. My friends got into a fight with each other at a show. And I went home and I said, no one cares about me. I had a two year old at the time that I couldn't hold for six weeks.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No one cares about.

[Jim Norton]

Hug my leg. Yeah, Daddy loves you. Hug my leg. I'll pet your head with my stomp. I cut you with my wrist.

[Tim Butterly]

It was a really stupid fight too.

[Jim Norton]

It was.

[Tim Butterly]

We were leaving Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia. Best club in the world.

[Jim Norton]

Great club.

[Tim Butterly]

And one of my boys bent over to tie his shoe and another dude went behind him and acted like he was fucking his butt. Like, hey, check it out. And he stood up, he went, yo, dude, seriously. And they started, like, shoving each other and had to be broken up. And I went home, and I was screaming in my house at my wife. I said, this was my night. And then I had to spend 18 hours in an emergency room.

[Big J Okerson]

This was my big night.

[Jim Norton]

No. No fake sodomy around me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think. I think I know who won this game. But, Alex, let's make it official. What are our final scores?

[Brian Callan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

All right. In.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, last.

[Jim Norton]

Please, if I got it, just sign it. Just sign it.

[Alex]

In last place, with four points, before.

[Big J Okerson]

The night ends, Jay Gomez. You.

[Brian Callan]

Yeah, we'll see.

[Big J Okerson]

Three ghosts.

[Alex]

In fourth place, with a point, points, Brian Callan.

[Jim Norton]

Oh, I'll do better next time. Papa.

[Brian Callan]

Could you sing Total Eclipse of the Heart? I was so worried about that Bonnie Tyler reference. Double points.

[Jim Norton]

Double points.

[Brian Callan]

All.

[Big J Okerson]

Right.

[Jim Norton]

No, keep going. It's inspiring.

[Alex]

In third place, with 14 points, Jim Norton.

[Jim Norton]

Big deal.

[Alex]

And your winner tonight with 22 points, Big J Okerson.

[Big J Okerson]

Stop. Stop.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Speech. Speech. Speech. Speech. Speech.

[Big J Okerson]

Speech. Speech.

[Tim Butterly]

Speech.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Speech.

[Big J Okerson]

Austin. Austin, Texas. You guys made me feel like a princess tonight. Just an idiot from Philadelphia. You should be pumping gas now. I'm taking on Fierce Love by Reverend doctor Jackie Lewis. She spells Jackie with a UI at the end. She shouldn't be published. You guys could always say you were here for the night. The night. I'm back. I'm back in the W column. And here's to many more. This is probably gonna start a journey of many, many wins a spool. It'll become less special as I lay fucking hammer down across this game over the next several months. So stay tuned. Feel happy for me now. Soon you will fear me. Thank you all. How about a big thank you to our awesome fucking panel tonight, Jim Norton.

[Brian Callan]

Oh, come on.

[Big J Okerson]

The great Brian Callan.

[Jim Norton]

I'll be back. I'll be back. I'm gonna Google my contestant.

[Big J Okerson]

Your newest local son, Tim Butterly in the house. Thank you for having me, everybody. I'm Big J Okerson.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm Louis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you guys for hanging out. Story Awards. We'll catch you next time. Good.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I.