048. Kam Patterson, Vinny Guadagnino, & Mike Feeney | Danger

Summary

Story Warz
Episode 048: Kam Patterson, Vinny Guadagnino, & Mike Feeney | Danger
Hosted by GaS Digital Network
Release Date: July 4, 2025
Location: The Stand Comedy Club, New York City

---

Introduction

In Episode 048 of Story Warz, hosted by GaS Digital Network, comedians Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez welcome special guests Kam Patterson, Vinny Guadagnino, and Mike Feeney. Filmed live at The Stand Comedy Club in New York City, this episode delves into the theme of "Danger" as participants engage in a spirited game of storytelling, deception, and wit.

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Game Setup and Rules
Timestamp: [06:27]

Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez introduce the format of Story Warz, a game where each panelist has submitted three to five stories centered around the theme of "Danger." The host's producer, Alex, selects eight of these stories at random. Participants must guess the author of each story or, if it's their own, convincingly disguise its origin. Points are awarded as follows:

• 2 points for correctly identifying the author of another's story.
• 1 point for successfully deceiving the panel into believing your story is not yours.

Once a participant commits their guess, it cannot be changed. The game progresses through multiple rounds, with the potential for consecutive stories from the same contestant due to the random selection process.

---

Round 1: Impressive yet Awkward Car Maneuver
Timestamp: [09:15]

Mike Feeney opens the game with a story about trying to impress girls by reclining his car seat, leading to an uncomfortable and awkward situation. The panelists debate who might have shared this tale, with humorous speculations pointing towards Vinny Guadagnino due to his confident persona.

Notable Quote:
Mike Feeney: "When I was younger, I would try to impress girls by having them sit behind me in my car while driving."
Timestamp: [09:15]

Outcome:
At [14:28], Alex reveals the story belongs to Mike Feeney, giving him an early advantage with four points.

---

Round 2: Border Patrol Encounter
Timestamp: [18:45]

Mike Feeney shares an intense experience of being stopped by border patrol while carrying drugs but managing to evade arrest. The panelists, including Luis J. Gomez and Cam Patterson, engage in a lively discussion trying to pinpoint who could be behind this daring story.

Notable Quote:
Cam Patterson: "I was going to say Louis has had multiple run-ins with..."
Timestamp: [19:15]

Outcome:
Alex discloses that the story is Cam Patterson's, earning Cam three points and adding complexity to the competition.

---

Round 3: Half Pipe Mishap
Timestamp: [27:02]

Mike Feeney narrates a near-disastrous attempt at skateboarding on a rented city bike's half-pipe, resulting in a flip and a chaotic landing. The panel humorously debates the credibility of the story, suspecting Vinny due to his adventurous image.

Notable Quote:
Big J Okerson: "When I was younger, I just wasn't trying to impress girls."
Timestamp: [10:37]

Outcome:
Upon revelation at [15:01], Cam Patterson claims ownership of the story, securing additional points.

---

Round 4: The Reluctant Paperboy
Timestamp: [33:06]

Mike Feeney presents a tale of being a paperboy who hesitates to deliver newspapers to a particularly dangerous area, raising suspicions among the panel about the true author of the story. Vinnie Guadagnino steps into the conversation, clarifying that he was actually a pizza delivery boy, not a paperboy.

Notable Quote:
Vinnie Guadagnino: "No, I was a pizza delivery boy. And the projects in Staten Island are gay."
Timestamp: [34:00]

Outcome:
Alex confirms the story belongs to Vinnie Guadagnino, boosting Vinnie's score to seven points.

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Mid-Game Point Update
Timestamp: [41:23]

With half the game concluded, Mike Feeney leads with eight points, followed closely by Vinnie Guadagnino. Luis J. Gomez and Cam Patterson trail behind, setting the stage for a thrilling second half.

---

Second Half: Double Points Introduction
Timestamp: [45:44]

Luis J. Gomez announces that the final four stories will carry double points, escalating the game's intensity and offering participants a chance to make significant comebacks.

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Round 5: Trap House Turmoil
Timestamp: [48:00]

Luis J. Gomez delivers a gripping story about visiting a friend's new baby, only to discover she's living in a chaotic trap house filled with drugs, guns, and unsettling activities. The detailed narrative sparks heated debates among the panelists regarding its authenticity.

Notable Quote:
Luis J. Gomez: "...at the top, it was a giant eyeball."
Timestamp: [54:15]

Outcome:
The story is revealed to be Luis's own, awarding him two additional points for deceiving the panel, thus increasing his lead.

---

Round 6: Cliff Diving Catastrophe
Timestamp: [59:17]

Mike Feeney recounts a perilous cliff-diving attempt intended to impress a girl, which nearly results in drowning. The harrowing experience leads the panel to question its legitimacy, with Vinnie initially contesting the plausibility before Cam accurately identifying it as Mike's story.

Notable Quote:
Mike Feeney: "I once almost drowned trying to impress a girl by jumping off a cliff into the water."
Timestamp: [59:17]

Outcome:
Cam Patterson's accurate guess rewards Mike with two points, tightening the competition.

---

Round 7: Chlamydia Confession
Timestamp: [71:12]

Cam Patterson opens up about a personal encounter that resulted in contracting chlamydia, sharing the complexities of its transmission and the emotional aftermath. The panel wrestles with the believability of the story, eventually attributing it to Luis J. Gomez.

Notable Quote:
Vinnie Guadagnino: "I told you I had committed. Yes, I've had committed."
Timestamp: [75:07]

Outcome:
Alex confirms the story belongs to Luis J. Gomez, who gains further points, maintaining his lead.

---

Round 8: Six Flags Showdown
Timestamp: [83:06]

Mike Feeney concludes the storytelling segment with a dramatic account of a verbal altercation at Six Flags amusement park involving a roller coaster ride operator and subsequent chaos. The panel debates vigorously before recognizing the story as Mike's own.

Notable Quote:
Cam Patterson: "We went on Nitro. I was truly terrified of roller coasters."
Timestamp: [85:43]

Outcome:
Luis J. Gomez accurately identifies the story as Mike's, granting Mike an additional two points and solidifying his position.

---

Final Point Tally and Winner
Timestamp: [91:56]

After an intense series of storytelling and strategic guessing, the final scores are as follows:

• Cam Patterson: 13 points
• Big J Okerson: 12 points
• Vinny Guadagnino: 11 points
• Luis J. Gomez: 9 points
• Mike Feeney: 8 points

Cam Patterson emerges victorious, securing the top spot with his keen observational skills and accurate deductions throughout the game.

Notable Quote:
Cam Patterson: "It's the biggest comeback in the game. Do you believe in miracles?"
Timestamp: [57:31]

---

Conclusion and Highlights

Episode 048 of Story Warz showcases a captivating blend of humor, camaraderie, and competitive spirit among comedians and special guests. The dynamic between Big J Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez adds a layer of entertainment, while Kam Patterson, Vinny Guadagnino, and Mike Feeney bring unique perspectives and stories to the table.

Key Highlights:

• Engaging Game Play: The "Danger" theme provided ample material for thrilling and humorous stories, keeping both live and remote audiences entertained.
• Notable Interactions: The playful banter and teasing between hosts and guests, such as Big J's jabs at Mike Feeney and Cam Patterson's strategic gameplay, enriched the episode's lively atmosphere.
• Memorable Quotes:
  • Louis J. Gomez: "It's an ethnicity war right in the middle."
  • Big J Okerson: "Vinnie can just not lose in life."
  • Cam Patterson: "I feel so betrayed every time someone lies to my face."
• Final Victory: Cam Patterson's success in the game highlights his sharp intuition and ability to read his fellow contestants effectively.

Promotions and Announcements: Throughout the episode, hosts and guests promote upcoming events, merchandise, and personal projects, including:

• Merchandise: Story Wars merchandise available at StoryWarsMerch.com.
• Live Shows: Upcoming live performances in Los Angeles, New Jersey, Atlantic City, Tampa, and more.
• Podcasts and Books: Promotions for Cam Patterson's new podcast "Co Host Wanted" and Luis J. Gomez's forthcoming book "Knives and Spoons."

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Closing Remarks

Episode 048 of Story Warz delivers an exhilarating and laughter-filled experience, blending personal anecdotes with competitive storytelling. The engaging interactions and strategic gameplay offer listeners an immersive and entertaining journey into the world of deceptive storytelling.

Whether you're a longtime fan or tuning in for the first time, this episode promises to keep you hooked with its dynamic hosts, compelling guests, and unforgettable moments of danger and deception.

---

Transcript

[Mike Feeney]

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[Big J Okerson]

Orleans is happening November 14th through 16th. Get your tickets right now. There's only individual day passes left. All access is sold out. VIP is sold out. It is the largest lineup we've ever had. Favorites like Tim Dillon, Shane Gillis, Nick Mullen, Joe List, Robert Kelly, Sam Hyde, obviously the Legion of Skanks and many, many more. Over 150 comedians, six stages, three full days of comedy fighting, music and everything else you love about Skank fest. Go to skankfest.com right now and grab your single day passes.

[Louis J Gomez]

Great news everybody. Story Wars Merch store now up and functioning. Everyone get your goddamn merch right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Represent the show that you love. Show that you are yourself a story warrior. We got T shirts, we got hoodies, maybe socks one day. StoryWarsMerch.com is the way but plugs that.

[Louis J Gomez]

Thing you can put inside of a woman and you control it from your phone.

[Big J Okerson]

The Story wars breakfast cereal. The Story wars flamethrower. Go to storywarsmerch.com and grab your merch today. What's going on? Story warriors if you love Story wars and you want to be a part of the live audience, come out to the New York Comedy Club every Wednesday night at 7:45pm to be a part of the show.

[Louis J Gomez]

Be a piece of shit. Just get your tickets and come. It's fun.

[Big J Okerson]

Buck face new yorkcomedyclub.com all right, let's take a quick moment and thank YoCreanum.com for supporting today's show. We love your Cranum.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah, we are. Yeah, we are Story warriors.

[Big J Okerson]

And without Kratom we wouldn't be able to get all of our double points in Yom is home of the $60 kilo. They've never changed their prices. They never will change their prices. If you guys are in the market for Kratom already. You got to get it from your.

[Louis J Gomez]

Kratom do if you're in the market for Kratom. This is the quality, high quality lab. Tested, delivered right to your door. Right off.

[Big J Okerson]

Hell yeah, dude. No promo code needed. They already got the best deal on the Internet. Just go to ycrat.com. all right, let's start the show.

[Cam Patterson]

Fill her up.

[Louis J Gomez]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Big J Okerson]

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Story wars with the Story Warriors, Big J Okerson and Louis J. Koban.

[Louis J Gomez]

What's up? That's good energy, everybody. Welcome to Story wars at our new home, the New York Comedy Club. Make some noise in here, please. Or don't.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, don't make noise.

[Louis J Gomez]

Fuck it. Hey. Wow, the music was a little loud. Make some noise in here in New York City, please. Come on, baby. Oh, thank you, Seraphina.

[Big J Okerson]

Another sold out show here at the world famous New York Comedy Club. Who needs the mothership when we have the New York Comedy Club?

[Louis J Gomez]

Wow. I don't know if this crowd knows, but you're dealing with two Rogan Sphere comedians. Your story warriors, Big J okerson, the Puerto Rican rattlesnake, Louis J. Gomez in the motherfucking house. We ask every show, how many people here are familiar with the game Story Wars?

[Big J Okerson]

Pretty good. And how many people are not familiar with the game Story Wars?

[Louis J Gomez]

Whoa.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay. A decent amount of people that came for. They came for Vinnie from the Jersey shore.

[Louis J Gomez]

Can you believe that? That guy doesn't know our. If you say who in here for sure knows our shit, it'll be that guy.

[Big J Okerson]

I thought that. I thought that was you for the first five minutes I was here.

[Louis J Gomez]

You know, it's not my bandana month. If you're not familiar with the show, we will explain it after we get our esteemed panel of guests up here. And we have an amazing one tonight for you. Came on. A good one, everyone. You know our first contestant from his new podcast, Co host wanted an especial night at the Comedy Cellar. How about it for the hilarious Mike Feeney? Everybody, everybody, everybody. Mike Feeney. Mike Feeny. Mike Feeney. Mike Feeney.

[Cam Patterson]

Feels good to be back, boys. Good to be back.

[Big J Okerson]

And our second panelist tonight, you know him as being one of the regulars on Kill Tony, the hilarious Cam Patterson.

[Louis J Gomez]

Cam Patterson. Cam Patterson. Cam Patterson. Cam Patterson. Cam Patterson.

[Big J Okerson]

Patterson. Cam, you are a genius.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Feel right at home, man.

[Louis J Gomez]

Thank you for doing the show. Our final contestant, last but not least from his podcast, Something went wrong. And of course you Know him from the Jersey Shore on mtv. It's the hilarious Vinnie Guadagnino, everybody. Everybod.

[Big J Okerson]

Both Vinnie and Mike Feeney have been guests on Story wars before. This is Cam's first time on the show, so welcome back, boys, and welcome Cam. This could be quite the show today. I'm excited.

[Louis J Gomez]

It's gonna be a great show. If you're not familiar with the show, it's your first time listening at home. Story wars is a very simple game that sounds very difficult. All five of us on this panel have submitted three to five stories on one specific subject. Tonight's subject, Louis Danger. Danger. Our lovely producer Alex is going to pick eight of those stories at random and read them off one at a time. They will be up here on the screen. If it is your story, you're the only person who knows that it's your job to fool everybody else that it's not your story. If it's not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.

[Big J Okerson]

Every time you guess the story correctly, you get two points. For every person you fool on the panel, you get one point. Once you put the name on your dry erase board, Put the dry erase board in the slot and remove your hand, that is your final answer. You cannot change it. Also, it should be noted that you could have two, three stories in a row because these are all randomly generated, the order, so it really is anybody's story at any given time. And, Jay, listen.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll tell you right now, we always have a lot of fun doing this game. Always. Cam, you've never done it. You're going to have so much fun tonight, I promise you. But you're not playing for fun. Jay, let them know what we're playing for.

[Louis J Gomez]

Every week we're playing for a book directly from the Story wars library. This week, our winner will be Taking Home Lucid by Michael S. Milano. Devin Elson is a teenager with a troubled past and a powerful secret. He can control his dreams, but when those lucid dreams begin to blur into waking life, he starts losing his grip on reality. As terrifying visions bleed through the seams of his consciousness, Devin must confront the traumas he's been hiding from and uncover the truth behind what's real, what's imagined, and what's been buried in his mind all along. Thank you, Roots. They always got the roots off camera.

[Cam Patterson]

I just want to say from it's been a while since I've done this show, and you guys have gotten so much better at the tight explaining of the show. I Think it took roughly 40 minutes the first time I was on the show.

[Louis J Gomez]

Most of the show was explanation.

[Cam Patterson]

For the first couple months, the first.

[Big J Okerson]

20 episodes, it was me and Big J starting to cry. Yell. It was.

[Louis J Gomez]

I go, no, it's got to be your story.

[Big J Okerson]

We really got that now.

[Louis J Gomez]

It's an amazing game. We have an amazing panel, and we're going to have an amazing night. What do you think? Are you guys ready for war? I said, are you guys ready for war?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I'm ready to win this one today.

[Louis J Gomez]

Without any further ado, Alex. Story number one.

[Mike Feeney]

Story number one. When I was younger, I would try to impress girls by having them sit behind me in my car while driving. I'd recline my seat onto their laps and look up at them as my friend in the passenger seat seat would steer.

[Louis J Gomez]

This could be some dope ass black. None of us know.

[Cam Patterson]

They do tend to be reclined a little bit.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah, it's called something. It's called like the skilo or something. You ever Skilo?

[Big J Okerson]

This also could be Vinnie. Vinnie's very confident. The ladies like him. He's impressing gals. He looks up at them while one of his lackeys sear the car. I can see that happening.

[Louis J Gomez]

Well, I'll tell you this. When I was younger through now, there's not a lot of room behind me in a car, so I don't think it would impress a girl with how little leg room she had. Oh, my God. My knees are right in your back. This is very impressive.

[Big J Okerson]

She's like, oh, my God, you're fucking crushing my legs, you ass.

[Cam Patterson]

Lean forward.

[Louis J Gomez]

I can't fucking breathe. No, don't look at me. What kind of car did you have when you were younger? Monte Carlo.

[Cam Patterson]

Well, just. No, I had a. I had a coupe.

[Louis J Gomez]

Okay.

[Cam Patterson]

Which is not a good car for reclining because they're in the back with that little triangle window.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

It's very claustrophobic.

[Louis J Gomez]

That's true. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

When I was younger, I just wasn't trying to impress girls.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

Oh, I was.

[Big J Okerson]

I was gay.

[Louis J Gomez]

You can't ski low a. In a. A hatch.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

I just can't drive good, so I couldn't do this.

[Cam Patterson]

That is. That doesn't have anything to do with.

[Big J Okerson]

That is the definition of not Dr.

[Audience Member]

I feel like you need some type.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Of skill for this, though, man.

[Cam Patterson]

Maybe the friend in the past.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Believe in yourself. Do some like.

[Big J Okerson]

But Cam, if. I know Cam. Cam loves some white. And I'll tell you right now, nothing impresses a white more than A dangerous black, I'm telling you.

[Louis J Gomez]

Oh, absolutely. My dad always says 2 in 10 and keep your eyes on the road. Him, I don't want to live his life.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, Vinny's awful quiet.

[Big J Okerson]

Quiet over here. Vinny, what's going on?

[Louis J Gomez]

Vinny just can't believe that we don't think this is impressive to girls.

[Audience Member]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

You guys don't know what skilo in a does?

[Audience Member]

I don't drive myself, guys.

[Louis J Gomez]

Oh, that's right.

[Cam Patterson]

But wait, this is when I was younger. This is when I was younger, which is what it says.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

And you really wasn't Jay. You wasn't driving. Yeah, he wasn't driving at all. It's him.

[Audience Member]

Wait, but Jay, like, if you were bigger, isn't your seat always in recline, you think?

[Louis J Gomez]

No, it was definitely as back this far as it could go. But I would always keep forward so my body was pressed close to the air conditioner.

[Big J Okerson]

If you recline too much. Is.

[Audience Member]

That is true. They want to overheat.

[Louis J Gomez]

We let it hit the pits and shit on the long ride.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I mean, I'm getting Vinnie and I'm getting cam vibes here.

[Audience Member]

How come no one's pointed at Feeny?

[Cam Patterson]

I also want to know why no.

[Louis J Gomez]

One'S pointing at six foot nine. Put his thing back in a car that much.

[Big J Okerson]

I. I don't think. I. I just. That wasn't me when I was younger. I wasn't trying to impress like that. I. I became a whisperer later on in my life.

[Louis J Gomez]

Well, it doesn't say you're getting girls. It's trying to impress them.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

You definitely scared them hoes away with this move, though, dog. They'll definitely run it.

[Big J Okerson]

I would. I would pull out my dick a lot to impress girls. I would do this in the lunchroom. I would go up and I would get my dick semi erect. And then I would go up to their tables with like, in my.

[Louis J Gomez]

This is a crime. You're telling a crime.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I think there's a statute of limitations.

[Louis J Gomez]

I don't know. I think they changed these rules recently.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know.

[Cam Patterson]

I'd play it safe.

[Louis J Gomez]

I think they changed them recently. Do not talk about your wacky friend. Always pulls wiener. Not you. You were just leaning back in your car looking at chicks laying down that skilo.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I'm gonna. I go up to their. Their lunch table with a semi erectic in my pants. And then I would make it pulsate, like, in the pants.

[Audience Member]

Oh, like, they loved it.

[Cam Patterson]

There's just no way they did yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

Well, that does make me believe that you didn't do this.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Yeah, no. That's terrifying, by the way.

[Louis J Gomez]

Man.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

That's scary.

[Louis J Gomez]

As though that's. That would get you on a registry. Yeah, you'd have to announce when you moved.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, look, we got to get some voting going here. Vinny's being so quiet.

[Cam Patterson]

Until Vinny got very quiet.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm gonna go with my instinct.

[Audience Member]

I still don't even understand.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

But can my clean up right now?

[Louis J Gomez]

It's very possible. Oh, he might clean up. We're all going Vinnie, huh?

[Big J Okerson]

Four Vinnies. If this is Cam, what if it's Jay? Oh, you piece of a Jew. I'll kill you. Vinnie says me.

[Louis J Gomez]

I mean, I really hope that means it's Vinnie.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's see.

[Louis J Gomez]

Oh, boy. Everybody's in.

[Mike Feeney]

Alex, story number one belongs to Mike Feeney.

[Cam Patterson]

Welcome to the game.

[Audience Member]

I told you.

[Cam Patterson]

Oh, I told you.

[Big J Okerson]

I told.

[Audience Member]

No one looked at him.

[Cam Patterson]

I came to play.

[Big J Okerson]

Holy.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Yeah. That was great.

[Big J Okerson]

I was not expecting that at all.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

I'm excited now, dog. Hey, look, I. With that. That was good. That was good.

[Cam Patterson]

He's like, I'm on your ass now.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

That was great. That was phenomenal, man.

[Big J Okerson]

He had a car. He said, I drove a coupe. There's no way to do that. Made no sense. I know. I just believed him.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, great. It was in 1988 Buick, and I got my. There would be this hilly area in my neighborhood, and I would recline, and it would also. It was like. Since it was an 88, there was no. If you were in the passenger seat, you could also control the pedals. You could reach over there, and I would legitimately just recline back while going up and down hills. We'd be going, like 40, 50 miles an hour in this. In, like, a residential area. With me just looking up in their laps, and they're like. And while my buddy is just reaching over steering. And so many times we got, like, so close to, like, death, you know, complete, like, dying. I mean, it was. There was one time we came over the hill and we got a little, like, air, and then as we came out, it was a hidden driveway and someone was backing up, and we slammed on the brakes, and my brakes locked up, and we had to, like, screech so much that we got adrenaline jump. I hopped across this. It was. It was during this.

[Big J Okerson]

The plot of Fast and Furious 7.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah, listen, I didn't know Mike Finney lives his life a quarter mile at a time, Dude.

[Cam Patterson]

By the way, Fast and Furious and Jackass Were like the two biggest things at that time. So, yeah, it was pretty heavily influenced and yep, that was. That was me back in the day.

[Audience Member]

But it got you a lot of pussy.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, it really didn't translate to that. But.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah, by the way, even your stage.

[Cam Patterson]

Actually, it wasn't even for I. The more I think about it, it was more just my buddy and I be like, look how fucking terrified they are. You know, it was. Yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

Impressive saying. Impressed. Even though you described it, you go, oh, they'd be behind me going like, ah, we're all gonna die.

[Cam Patterson]

No, it was, you know, it was the fear, you know, the implications. Yeah, you got it.

[Big J Okerson]

Either way, the story was dangerous. Feeny just cleaned up. Alex, where are our points at?

[Mike Feeney]

All right on the scoreboard. All alone with four points in first place, Mike Feeney.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

What a. What a loser you are. You're all alone.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, I guess so. It's cold up here at the top.

[Audience Member]

You don't get points if someone votes for you anymore.

[Big J Okerson]

That was never. That was never the case.

[Audience Member]

I've done this eight times. I still don't know how to play.

[Big J Okerson]

Yo, it's Louis J. Gomez and Big J Okerson coming at you from Story wars, the wildest game show podcast in the world. Man, we're hyped to talk about Brunt workwear, the boots that got our feet feeling like they're on vacation. While we're dodging verbal grenades up here. Jay, what's the deal with your Brunt kicks?

[Louis J Gomez]

Yo, Louis, I'm rocking the Marin 6 inch soft toe. Check these bad boys out. Ooh. Crowd goes nuts for the boots. Straight out the box. These things are comfier than my couch. Most boots I've worn, weeks of break in torture. Like walking on bricks. Brunt, it's like they hugged my feet day one.

[Big J Okerson]

I've got the toes. Waterproof, safety toe. Look at this beast. I'm stomping around like I'm ready to build a skyscraper, but they feel like my favorite sneakers. Other brands, forget it. Blisters for days. Brunt's built for real work. No breaking bs. And they've got pants, jackets, the whole deal. Tough as hell, but comfy. Jay, you think these boots could survive your stand up rants?

[Louis J Gomez]

Survive? These could survive your Puerto Rican temper tantrums, Louis. CROWD LAUGHS.

[Big J Okerson]

Guilty. Look, Brunt's founder, Eric Girard, grew up blue collar and named these boots after his tradie bunnies. They're legit. Waterproof, safety toe, whatever you need.

[Louis J Gomez]

Brunt didn't just make A durable work boot, they reinvented comfort for the hardest workers out there. For a limited time, Story wars listeners get $10 off at Brunt by using Code Warz with a Z W a R Z. At checkout, just head to Brunt B R U N T bruntworkwear.com and use code wars with a Z and you're all set. After your purchase, they're gonna ask you where you heard about them. Please support the show and tell them the Story wars sent you. All right, let's get back into it.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, Alex, Story number two.

[Mike Feeney]

Story number two. I got stopped by border patrol recently with drugs on me. And I made it through all of us.

[Big J Okerson]

None of us are in jail and we always go their border patrol with drugs.

[Cam Patterson]

I would say the right away. The only person I think it isn't is Vinnie.

[Louis J Gomez]

Really? I was gonna, it's not, I was gonna say the other person that isn't his Cam.

[Cam Patterson]

Because he wouldn't have made it through.

[Louis J Gomez]

Made it through.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

That'S a good point.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

That's an amazing point.

[Louis J Gomez]

Cam's favorite. But Cam, yeah, he's well known. Well known, though, too, now.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

There's border agents that would be like, holy and be like, yeah, take your drugs.

[Big J Okerson]

Border. Where do you. I mean, driving to Canada, right? This where you get stopped by border patrol.

[Louis J Gomez]

That's where you get stopped by border patrol. Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

I was going to say Lewis has had multiple run ins with.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I've been turned around at the Canadian border.

[Louis J Gomez]

Right, Absolutely. You wouldn't even go because I, I.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, my dick semi hard of.

[Louis J Gomez]

My pants just pulsing. Those charges don't go away.

[Cam Patterson]

They follow you.

[Louis J Gomez]

By the way, I'm Louis J. Gomez and I've moved in the neighborhood. I'm on the sex register registry. Oh, wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay. So this could be a J story. You haven't driven into Canada.

[Louis J Gomez]

Nope.

[Big J Okerson]

But it's border patrol.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

Anything. Yeah, my last time in Canada was last. Just for laughs.

[Cam Patterson]

When's the last time you left the country?

[Louis J Gomez]

That was it.

[Cam Patterson]

Oh, what about. But Lewis just went to Jamaica.

[Big J Okerson]

Whoa.

[Louis J Gomez]

Lewis constantly leaves the country.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I always just went to Jamaica.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, that's. There's a border.

[Audience Member]

They give you drugs at the border in Jamaica.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

No, it's still illegal there. It's illegal.

[Big J Okerson]

No, it's not. Weed is recreationally illegal. Mushrooms are recreationally illegal.

[Cam Patterson]

You can't bring it on planes, though.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, you can't. So here's the thing I did when I was in Amsterdam, I had a joint in my Pocket that I forgot about. And I just. I flew to four different countries with the joint in my pocket.

[Louis J Gomez]

My.

[Big J Okerson]

My hoodie. But they didn't lose. They didn't stop me. I wasn't stopped at all.

[Cam Patterson]

I. I mean, the going back. I feel like Lewis, of everyone, has left the country a lot. A lot. The most recently.

[Louis J Gomez]

When?

[Cam Patterson]

Have you been on any trips recently, Vinnie?

[Audience Member]

Like just Miami?

[Louis J Gomez]

What?

[Audience Member]

Okay, I haven't left the country. Actually. I went to Jamaica, too.

[Cam Patterson]

Wait a minute.

[Louis J Gomez]

Why?

[Cam Patterson]

Are you dating Lewis, or are you about to be?

[Big J Okerson]

Cam, when's the last time you left the country?

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

A couple months ago.

[Big J Okerson]

Where'd you go?

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Canada.

[Big J Okerson]

Canada?

[Cam Patterson]

That's recently. That's recently.

[Big J Okerson]

And do you do drugs, Cam?

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

No, I don't smoke a drink.

[Big J Okerson]

You don't smoke any weed or drink nothing. Wow.

[Louis J Gomez]

Damn.

[Big J Okerson]

I think Cam's out.

[Audience Member]

Are we allowed to lie?

[Louis J Gomez]

You were carrying Tony's drugs.

[Big J Okerson]

You're allowed to do whatever you want to do.

[Cam Patterson]

Okay?

[Big J Okerson]

Just. The story has to be true.

[Audience Member]

Damn. I thought it was you.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Yeah, No, I don't smoke a drink.

[Louis J Gomez]

Oh, well, then it's Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

What.

[Cam Patterson]

What about Jay, though? Hold on, hold on.

[Louis J Gomez]

Sure, it could be me, but I don't go out of the country recently.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, recently. Could be the last couple of years.

[Audience Member]

You just admitted to doing this.

[Louis J Gomez]

He told you the whole story, right? That's what I'm saying.

[Cam Patterson]

That's why I don't think it's him.

[Audience Member]

That's why I don't think it's.

[Louis J Gomez]

He told you the story.

[Audience Member]

No, I know, but.

[Louis J Gomez]

So when it comes out. So he's gonna have to go. And this would be.

[Audience Member]

Yeah, crazy reverse psychology.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

G. He did that last time.

[Cam Patterson]

You go with me now. I.

[Big J Okerson]

It could be Feeney twice.

[Louis J Gomez]

It could be Feeney again for sure. He's a pothead.

[Cam Patterson]

I. I went to.

[Big J Okerson]

He's got a boy like face. I would believe him if I was border patrol.

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

I don't know why.

[Cam Patterson]

I don't know why.

[Audience Member]

I don't know why.

[Louis J Gomez]

He was good.

[Cam Patterson]

He was holding it for someone.

[Audience Member]

I don't know, man.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

With a krc.

[Louis J Gomez]

Anyway.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Oh, hell yeah. More death?

[Louis J Gomez]

Hell, yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

I didn't know how to. Here's my problem with this, is that this is such a Louis sounding story that it feels like one of you making this. Making us trying to think that it's.

[Louis J Gomez]

No, it's just that Louis can't not write Louis. So it's definitely Louis. And then he said, it's me.

[Big J Okerson]

I can write Louis.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah, it's just.

[Cam Patterson]

Why do you think it's Cam?

[Audience Member]

I don't know. It just sounds like he would write that.

[Louis J Gomez]

What?

[Cam Patterson]

I got stopped by Border Patrol recently with drugs on me, and I made it through.

[Audience Member]

That's it. Short and sweet.

[Big J Okerson]

I think Big J is playing a little bit of a game here, and he's trying to put it on me.

[Louis J Gomez]

He knows I caught him.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, we'll see.

[Louis J Gomez]

Now he's going to try to get you to switch, I think.

[Big J Okerson]

I think Big J had little steezies in his bag. He always has them in his Louis Vuitton bag. They stopped him. They didn't check. He got through. Border Patrol. Is that. I mean, what does that mean? Is that country to country only?

[Louis J Gomez]

Oh, here he goes. Is that. Oh, the patrol for the border of the.

[Cam Patterson]

Okay.

[Louis J Gomez]

All right.

[Cam Patterson]

You know what? You know what it was? Yeah.

[Audience Member]

No way.

[Louis J Gomez]

The Border Patrol, that's like. They're, like, on the making.

[Big J Okerson]

I think this is Big J or Vinnie, but I'm going to go with Big J. Here we go. Big J. Okerson is my vote. Alex, all of our answers are in.

[Mike Feeney]

Story number two belongs to Cam Patterson.

[Cam Patterson]

Oh, you piece of shit.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

You playing the game now, baby?

[Louis J Gomez]

Krc.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Krc.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

We playing the game now, baby.

[Cam Patterson]

Hell, yeah. Let's play this K or C. He's a liar.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Nah, I don't smoke a drink.

[Big J Okerson]

Why'd you have drugs on you?

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

I stopped like a month ago, though. And the funniest. They ain't get. They ain't getting the drugs or nothing. They stopped me, got with my dad, and my dad, he had to.

[Big J Okerson]

They were like a black guy with his dad. Impossible nowhere here.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah. These two were a crime team.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Now we got stock. Cause my dad had domestic. Domestic violence charge from 99. And I was born in 99.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, we all did. That was Woodstock. 99. We went a little crazy.

[Cam Patterson]

Limp Bizkit was very live that time.

[Louis J Gomez]

Y2K really changed everything.

[Big J Okerson]

So they stopped you. Where was this at?

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Canada.

[Big J Okerson]

In Canada?

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

That was all to it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And where'd you have the. Where'd you have the weed at?

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Oh, my dog had it on him. He just kept going some of. Somebody got weed on us.

[Louis J Gomez]

I was like, what?

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Somebody got weed here? I don't know to tell you, but it's weed in this car.

[Louis J Gomez]

Wow.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

But it was really, because my dad had domestic view.

[Cam Patterson]

And. Did you. Did they. Did you just admit it or. They just let them.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

They didn't even know we had the weed. They thought it was because of the domestic violence Charge.

[Cam Patterson]

And the dogs were like, there's definitely weed in this car.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I think he meant his dog is his friend. I swear to God he did.

[Cam Patterson]

It's a different Mike.

[Big J Okerson]

When you're talking about Border patrol and dogs, we do assume that it's drug dogs, but. You mean your friend had the weed.

[Cam Patterson]

Oh, you really were kidding. I thought you literally meant dogs. Okay. I thought Lewis was being a racist piece of that.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Not like my homeboy letting my dog.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, yeah, you got saved.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

My dog had gas on. Not. My dog had weed in his. On his pouches.

[Cam Patterson]

No, I didn't think that. All right, Forget it.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

You understand what I thought, right? The people. Okay?

[Audience Member]

It's a service dog.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Do a great service. God damn. He's got weed on him.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, after two stories, where are our points at?

[Mike Feeney]

All right on the scoreboard. In third place, with two points, Vinnie Guadagnino.

[Audience Member]

I'm on the board.

[Mike Feeney]

In second place with three points, Cam Patterson. And in the lead with four points, Mike Feeney.

[Louis J Gomez]

Damn, dude. Hey, get off the phone and get your head in the goddamn game. We're getting our asses kicked.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, we're gonna lose lucid, Alex. Story number three.

[Cam Patterson]

That crushes with that woman every time. Really?

[Louis J Gomez]

It's very fun. It makes it seem very official. Yeah, it does.

[Cam Patterson]

I like how you guys just went to who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Sound alikes so they wouldn't get demonetized for sure.

[Louis J Gomez]

This is. What do you call that? Like the malt songs? It's public domain. Fuck off. Next. Clean slate.

[Mike Feeney]

Story number three. I once went down a half pipe on a rented city bike, and it did not end well.

[Audience Member]

Probably not, Jay.

[Louis J Gomez]

Well, in fairness, doesn't say, and I hit a fucking flip or some shit and nailed it. Says it didn't end well.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I know, Feeny, you. You did. You like skateboarding or.

[Cam Patterson]

I was. I did bmx, but I was bmx, but I was more. I was more street than vert. You guys.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

You know too much about the street.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, I did. I had pegs and everything like that. It wasn't me. I'm telling you this, but it is. Because if it was me, I would have lied and said I didn't. But I did have that experience.

[Audience Member]

But that's not me.

[Cam Patterson]

And if I did it, I feel like it would have ended. Would have ended okay.

[Big J Okerson]

On a city bike.

[Cam Patterson]

The city bike is crazy. That's so heavy.

[Big J Okerson]

A city bike is nuts. It's like.

[Cam Patterson]

It's like £50.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not. Do they have city cam. Where are you from originally?

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Orlando.

[Big J Okerson]

Orlando? They don't have city bikes in Orlando.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Yeah, we do. You do?

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah.

[Audience Member]

He ain't going on a city bike.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

But I'm not. Come on, what I look like?

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, you're not a. I'm gonna tell you right now who it is. It's definitely Vinnie. Oh, my God, bro, it's 100. Why do you think it's because Vinnie? Because Vinnie definitely did some, like, skateboarding and stuff like that. I recently had Vinnie on my show, and we watched a video of him and Lil Wayne skateboarding at a skate park together. So it's 100% Vinny.

[Louis J Gomez]

That I'm getting on the board. This was you.

[Cam Patterson]

But you can. I mean, vote whoever you want. I'm telling you right now, it's not Cam.

[Audience Member]

It's not Big J.

[Cam Patterson]

You can write me if you want. You're throwing away your vote.

[Audience Member]

I feel like they've given too many to you. I think it's Lewis.

[Cam Patterson]

It could be Lewis, too, but I don't.

[Louis J Gomez]

If it's not Vinnie, it's Lewis. But you sold me hard on that, because when first that I had. You know, I. He forgot that you watched this video together, and when you said that he has a skateboarding history. Vinnie went skateboarding. You reminded him that you watched a video of it.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah. And also I want to say this. If Lewis did do this, it would be well documented on every podcast he ever did.

[Louis J Gomez]

He tried to fucking drop in.

[Cam Patterson]

Lewis says 30 podcasts, maybe two times.

[Big J Okerson]

In my entire life.

[Louis J Gomez]

Well, I wouldn't rent anymore either if I gave shit in the fucking. One time.

[Cam Patterson]

I'm locked.

[Big J Okerson]

One time I was live streaming on Periscope on City Bike, and then I hit something and I flipped over the front of the. The. The front tire.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

I think it's Big J.

[Big J Okerson]

But Vinnie, you're too late. This is definitely Vinnie. That's why he's voting for me.

[Louis J Gomez]

Mother.

[Cam Patterson]

You guys all owe me one.

[Big J Okerson]

If it's Vinny, easy peasy.

[Mike Feeney]

This story belongs to Louis J. Gomez.

[Cam Patterson]

Why did you fight harder?

[Audience Member]

Yep.

[Cam Patterson]

Why did you fight harder?

[Louis J Gomez]

The story's a lie. You would have never stopped telling it.

[Big J Okerson]

No. I'll tell you what happened. This was in Amsterdam when I was 22 years old. We were staying in Utrecht, which is like a city right outside of Amsterdam, like 30 minutes outside of Amsterdam. And we rented those shitty. Like, they're known as city bikes, but there's like, a Dutch. They're like Dutch city bikes, right? Big way. Way worse than the city Bikes that are rented here. These are big, clunky. Like, there's no brakes on them.

[Cam Patterson]

Like those beach cruiser ones, dude, they're.

[Big J Okerson]

Fucking so heavy and ugly. And we saw people on a half pipe and I was like, dude, this is gonna be fucking great. I'm gonna go down this half pipe. Never been on a half pipe in my entire life. Never touched a half pipe. I went up, dude. I literally. I mean, it went exactly how you thought it went. I went straight down and fucking flipped over. The bike landed on top of me. I tore my shirt, my pants. One of my shoes flew off my body. It was ridiculous. And my mom died on that trip. I think that was the reason.

[Louis J Gomez]

No, no, no, no, no, no. She did. She died at home while you were on the trip.

[Big J Okerson]

Shout out.

[Louis J Gomez]

Doctor said if you'd have been there, you could have helped.

[Big J Okerson]

Shout out to Dan Doherty and Gene, who told me not to do it.

[Louis J Gomez]

You said she died alone.

[Big J Okerson]

She did die alone.

[Louis J Gomez]

Begging for her boy. Her dying face was the letter U from Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

No, she was saying, where was. She was like, he's in Utrecht. Alex, where are our points at?

[Mike Feeney]

All right. Heading into round four with zero points, in last place, Big J Okerson.

[Louis J Gomez]

A lot of game left.

[Big J Okerson]

Lots of game left.

[Mike Feeney]

Tied with three points each, Louis J. Gomez and Cam Patterson. And tied for the lead with four points each, Mike Feeney and Vinnie Guadagnino.

[Big J Okerson]

It is anybody's game except for Jay's problem.

[Louis J Gomez]

Shut the up, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex. Story number four.

[Mike Feeney]

Story number four. I was a paper boy, but wouldn't deliver the paper into the project because it was too dangerous.

[Big J Okerson]

Not Cam.

[Louis J Gomez]

Me.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Well, ain't nobody else say the name right now. It's Mike.

[Louis J Gomez]

I was Fanny.

[Cam Patterson]

I am about that paper boy, but I was never a paper boy.

[Big J Okerson]

You were never a paper boy.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

It's definitely you now saying that. That was crazy. That was the same.

[Cam Patterson]

No, bro, I lived. I lived on Long Island. There were projects where you would drive to the project checks.

[Louis J Gomez]

It wouldn't be.

[Cam Patterson]

It's not a deliverable thing, you know?

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Vinnie. Vinnie, were you a paper boy?

[Audience Member]

No, I was a pizza delivery boy. And the projects in Staten island are gay.

[Louis J Gomez]

Gay.

[Audience Member]

That's where Wu Tang is from.

[Cam Patterson]

Okay.

[Louis J Gomez]

Projects.

[Cam Patterson]

That's actually Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

I. I was a paperboy. No, but I had no. I had no choice as to where I would. I delivered papers with my Uncle Howard, who would drive me.

[Louis J Gomez]

Was a loser.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, he did in his car. And he would take me on the weekends at like 2 o' clock in the morning. And we would throw them out of the car window. And I got really good at like hook shotting against people's doors. But we didn't, you know, our route was our route. We didn't. We were in a car too. We didn't care about going to the hood.

[Audience Member]

What about you, Jay?

[Louis J Gomez]

I was a paper boy, and I lived in a. I lived in a pretty shitty neighborhood. There was no projects where I lived. But I will say that I didn't deliver the papers because I didn't want to. I would just leave them and then not do it. Eventually they find out and they're pissed.

[Audience Member]

Yeah, I feel like it's Jay.

[Cam Patterson]

So it's either Vinnie, Jay or Lewis.

[Louis J Gomez]

I genuinely mean this. There's no projects where I lived.

[Cam Patterson]

Didn't you live in Philly?

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah, but the whole neighborhood was just like a shitty neighborhood. There's no projects.

[Cam Patterson]

That doesn't mean you didn't have to work in the neighborhood you lived in.

[Louis J Gomez]

I didn't know what.

[Cam Patterson]

Nobody works.

[Louis J Gomez]

You think people leave the neighborhood to deliver papers in different neighbors? That'd be crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, were you on a bike? How did you deliver the bike?

[Cam Patterson]

Do you think your current mailman lives in your neighborhood?

[Louis J Gomez]

He's a fucking mailman. A paper boy. You think somebody comes on a bike from other neighborhoods away? That's insane.

[Cam Patterson]

It doesn't have to be a bike. He was in a car.

[Big J Okerson]

Feeny just dunked on you, Jay. You're gonna take that from little Mike Feeny?

[Louis J Gomez]

If Lewis votes for me because of.

[Big J Okerson]

That, it's Lewis I. I don't know I'm voting for yet.

[Audience Member]

Usually I'm suspicious of Mike, but Long Island, Are there projects?

[Cam Patterson]

Surely mastic are projects. But that's. That was a little further from me. Yeah. You know, I think it's CI.

[Big J Okerson]

You know, Fenie, you look like the. The. The digital paper boy from the video game I had.

[Cam Patterson]

I played that video game for Nintendo. Yeah, it was great. I was always hitting the sewer grates. It sucked. But I. It's one of you three, but. And I'm leaning towards Jay. I don't think Louis had. I don't know. I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I did, but then also.

[Cam Patterson]

What about Kent? He got dismissed too quickly. I mean, he's also so young, though.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Yeah, I don't think I'm 26, but I want throwing no fucking papers out. That's an old person job. I apologize.

[Cam Patterson]

I apologize.

[Louis J Gomez]

Literally the opposite.

[Cam Patterson]

I was never one evening either.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

That's kind of crazy, though.

[Audience Member]

That was an but There are projects where you're down.

[Louis J Gomez]

I'm down. The video.

[Cam Patterson]

So there's projects. There's projects in Staten Island. There's projects in Philly.

[Big J Okerson]

There's projects ever. I mean, Rockland county, there wasn't projects, but it was like a hood area. Projects is. Is.

[Cam Patterson]

I mean, this says into the project.

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

So I mean, the word projects is very telling to me.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, it's not just a hood. It's. It's like public housing, so.

[Louis J Gomez]

That's right.

[Cam Patterson]

That is. That is a city.

[Audience Member]

Where are they dangerous?

[Louis J Gomez]

Where are you from?

[Audience Member]

They're dangerous in Orlando.

[Cam Patterson]

I don't know.

[Audience Member]

Are they? Well, they're gonna say something more dangerous.

[Louis J Gomez]

God damn it. I voted Vinnie every time, and I've been wrong every goddamn time.

[Cam Patterson]

It's either Vinnie or Big J. I'm.

[Louis J Gomez]

Saying, Jay, they're not right. I'll take your word for that and say it's Vinny.

[Cam Patterson]

I want it to be Big J.

[Big J Okerson]

It's Big J or Vinnie the Big.

[Louis J Gomez]

You don't understand. There was no projects. And we were in the dangerous part. There was no going to. It was just a shitty neighborhood. We didn't have projects.

[Cam Patterson]

And he did say that Wu Tang is from State.

[Louis J Gomez]

That was the part of New York is projects.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

I don't know if there was no.

[Cam Patterson]

But he was there.

[Louis J Gomez]

Projects by you.

[Big J Okerson]

You didn't deliver papers.

[Audience Member]

I did not know. I was a pizza boy.

[Big J Okerson]

What was your first job?

[Audience Member]

Well, that was in the Staten Island Mall.

[Louis J Gomez]

Delivering paper.

[Cam Patterson]

Maybe?

[Audience Member]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I mean, so if you're pizza boy, I kind of believe Vinnie right now I'm thinking, you know what? I'm going. Big J. Okerson. Sorry, Jay.

[Louis J Gomez]

Me. It might be Lois now. Oh, someone's cleaning up hard with these votes for me.

[Cam Patterson]

Is everybody voting for at least somebody to where someone's not getting fully swept there?

[Louis J Gomez]

Well, I mean, a lot of someone's getting three points.

[Cam Patterson]

I fucking bet it was Ivan.

[Audience Member]

Vinny, it's gotta be me.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, if it's me. That'd be so sick.

[Louis J Gomez]

Alex, Everybody's in.

[Mike Feeney]

Story number four belongs to Vinny Guadagnino.

[Big J Okerson]

Vinnie, I believed you.

[Audience Member]

That's the game, right?

[Cam Patterson]

I feel so betrayed every time someone lies to my face. And I believe them. I know I'm taking.

[Louis J Gomez]

No, you did exactly right. But I know what he means. He just goes, you looked me in the face and said, you've never delivered a paper in your life.

[Cam Patterson]

How could you?

[Audience Member]

No, no. So. So, Jay, you're right. That was the funniest joke I've Ever heard where he thinks the mailman lives in his neighborhood?

[Louis J Gomez]

Wait, wait, wait.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, now Vinny's dunking on you guys.

[Louis J Gomez]

It's very funny, but there's no analogy. Paperboy is not a mailman working for the government. It's a kid who gets papers dropped off. And you bike around the neighborhood and throw papers. Unless you're a fucking loser like Lewis's uncle who has that job. Well into driving.

[Audience Member]

Okay, so there's a loophole here. You're right. So there was like the sat down paper, right? If someone didn't get their paper, if someone didn't bring it to them, like you said, you didn't do that. I would wait in a car with a stack of papers and deliver it to the whole island that didn't get there. I was like the backup paper boy.

[Louis J Gomez]

Oh, shit.

[Audience Member]

So sometimes we would get calls from the projects to go in, and my dad was like, don't fucking go in there. You know? Cause the last guy that went in there, like, he lost his pants and they jumped him and shit. I swear to God.

[Louis J Gomez]

The last paper boy. What was the funny name that. We don't know what it means exactly for black people. We say don't go in there. There's a bunch of.

[Audience Member]

I'm not saying it.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, the word is Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

What was a funn name that. We don't know.

[Cam Patterson]

We know it.

[Big J Okerson]

We know what? Vin.

[Cam Patterson]

Italian. Staten Island. It was right there. Afraid of black people. I mean, that's all. It all lined up. God damn it.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Damn, bro.

[Cam Patterson]

Alex.

[Louis J Gomez]

Go on.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex.

[Louis J Gomez]

Who's on the board.

[Mike Feeney]

In last place with two points?

[Louis J Gomez]

Me. That well.

[Mike Feeney]

Big J Okerson.

[Louis J Gomez]

What? No, no, hang on, hang on, hang on. Alex, Alex, Alex. Are you pissed of me? You could have just said on the board in last place. You. You know, I'm. Oh, yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

He's trying his best.

[Louis J Gomez]

Doing my goddamn best.

[Big J Okerson]

You did? I did my best.

[Cam Patterson]

He's still new at this.

[Louis J Gomez]

Get the hang of it.

[Mike Feeney]

Trying his best. With two points, Big J Okerson.

[Louis J Gomez]

Thank you, Roots.

[Mike Feeney]

With three points each, I have a tie between Lewis J. Gomez and Cam Patterson.

[Louis J Gomez]

It's an ethnic war right in the middle.

[Mike Feeney]

In second place with four points, Mike Feeney.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

And in the lead with seven points, Vinny Guadagnino.

[Louis J Gomez]

First lead. First lead ever. That was an ass kicking of a round.

[Big J Okerson]

Vinnie can just not lose in life. You son of a. All right, we are. We are halfway through the game right now.

[Louis J Gomez]

We are.

[Big J Okerson]

So why don't we take a quick moment, plug some things that are coming up and then we'll explain what happens in the second half. Vinny, what are you plugging?

[Audience Member]

Just watch my podcast, something went wrong with Vinnie and go on my Instagram comedy shows in my bio all over the country. Miami. Coming up next week.

[Louis J Gomez]

Cam.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Oh, I'm.

[Audience Member]

I'm on.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

I'm on the road to show all the time on Instagram. Cancel Fanny. And then I'm gonna start doing Twitch, so. Same shit. Just cancel Fanny.

[Louis J Gomez]

That's it.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

Let's go. Mike Feeney.

[Cam Patterson]

I am Mike Feeney on social media. I actually have a brand new podcast that's out if you're watching. I don't know when this comes out, but I assume it's out right now. It's called co host wanted. It's on my YouTube, it's on all platforms. I have a person come on every week and then I interview them to be the permanent co host of the show if I like them.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice.

[Louis J Gomez]

I like that.

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

What happens if you like the second guy? That's the end of the show.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah. Yeah. You'll just have to tune in to find out, won't you, gang? Season one is out right now. Please go watch it.

[Audience Member]

Thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, Big J.

[Louis J Gomez]

BigJayComedy.com for all my dates. I'm all over the place. Look for a city near you and listen to the bonfire with me and the Great Robert Kelly five days a week. Faction Talk, SiriusXM103. And of course right here on guest digital, legendary Legion of Skanks. And watch my specials both on YouTube now. Both crowd work specials. Them they. Oh, and of course me and Lewis now officially in the Rogan sphere.

[Big J Okerson]

Come see me live on the road. We have a lot of stuff coming up. First of all, we had the first week of of August. We're going to be in Los Angeles, California doing Story wars live from the Comedy store. At least two shows. We're also doing Morris Plains, New Jersey on June 29th. So if you're in the New Jersey area, come check out Story wars live. Then I got a few other things coming up. Atlantic city on the 5th and the 6th, my special I'm taping on July 12th that's already sold out, but there are tickets available for the Thursday and Friday in Tampa right before it. So the 10th and the 11th, you can get tickets. A lot of other dates coming up. Timonium, Maryland, Kansas City, Missouri, Providence, Rhode island and many more. Go to louisofskanks.com Grab those tickets for all of those shows. Check out all my Other podcasts, the regs, and obviously Legion of Skanks. I just, I just finished the first draft of my book, Knives and Spoons. It's available for pre order right now on Amazon.com so go grab that. It's. It's real. I think you guys are gonna really like it. A lot of these stories that I tell on story wars are gonna end up in the book.

[Louis J Gomez]

That's weird for a cookbook.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a coloring book.

[Louis J Gomez]

He goes, two scoops of butter. That's when I dropped in on this bike.

[Big J Okerson]

But we're. I'll tell you right now. Skank fest all access officially as of today, sold out, which is pretty incredible. But you can still get. Still get single day passes. So if you guys want to come out to one or all three days, you got to buy individual day passes. Go to skankfest.com and I'm giving away a pair of golden tickets. No purchase necessary. Go to bodybraincoffee.com and can pick up some of my coffee. But you don't have to. You guys can do. There's other rules and regulations there. Whatever. But yeah, my coffee that boosts testosterone and brain function. Bodybraincoffee.com and make sure you guys subscribe to gas digital.gas digital.com use the promo code wars or war. You get access to, I think 30 episodes that aren't available on YouTube or anywhere else pre release and an ad free version of this show, uncensored version of the show. Plus access to the racist live chat, which is so much fun. Go to gas digital. Gas digital.com use that promo code war.

[Louis J Gomez]

All right, we've reached the second half of the game and everybody is tense. I do not want this book out of our library. Lucid by Michael S. Milano. For Devin, sleep used to be the only place he felt in control in his dreams. He's confident, strong, unafraid. But the more time he spends in his dream world, the more dangerous his waking life becomes. A reality fractures and the line between nightmare and memory dissolves. Devin realizes he may not be dreaming anymore and he may not be the only one in control. And sure, I have two points. It's not looking good, but that can turn around in one round. And Cam, I know you're new to the show, but what you're about to find out is for the second half of the show, the final four stories, we go double points.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah. Is there, is there a camera that shows every. The audience? Yeah, because. Okay, because if people at home can't see that I mean, we got the wide shot. Yeah, yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

Look, it's all super fun, for sure. The crowd goes nuts. It's become part of the show, a big part of the show and how people relate. But it's an actual thing on the show that. Whereas before, if you fooled somebody, you got a point, and if you guessed the right story, you got two points. Now that goes double point.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, Jay, the guy that looks like you doing the double points today.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah, he's in.

[Big J Okerson]

He's white handed.

[Louis J Gomez]

I love how much fun Cam's having. Fun?

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

I don't even like reading, but I want to win.

[Louis J Gomez]

Give the book away. It's not about that.

[Cam Patterson]

Sweet victory.

[Louis J Gomez]

Ah, our final four stories. Alex. Story number five.

[Mike Feeney]

Story number five. I went to visit a friend to see her new baby. She didn't tell me she lived in a trap house with drugs, guns, and naked people everywhere.

[Cam Patterson]

Vinnie.

[Audience Member]

This is the first one they're not gonna say my name to.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I don't want to be racist.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah, I know. I don't mind being racist. I just didn't want to say it first.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I mean, you know. Kim, were you the baby in this story?

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Nah, nah, that was. It's not me. It's not me.

[Cam Patterson]

I'll say this in defense of myself. I've never said the word trap house in my life.

[Louis J Gomez]

I think I've asked a question and.

[Cam Patterson]

I'm not even fully sure what it is.

[Big J Okerson]

So it's.

[Cam Patterson]

I. I have drug house.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, it's. It's also they're. What do they call them? Subway apartments or what do they call them?

[Cam Patterson]

Railroad.

[Big J Okerson]

Railroad style apartments. Right. Because you get trapped inside.

[Cam Patterson]

I thought it was like trap music.

[Louis J Gomez]

It's. I thought. I thought it's a drug.

[Cam Patterson]

No, it is.

[Big J Okerson]

It is drug. But I'm saying, aren't they usually railroad style?

[Audience Member]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Louis J Gomez]

You think it's got something to do with the art deco, the architecture of the building? Well, look, sure, we're cooking crack in here, but it's not a trap house. Because, you see, this is a open floor plan, and a trap house tends to have that room to room.

[Big J Okerson]

No, typically.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

That's crazy, man.

[Big J Okerson]

They're pre war.

[Cam Patterson]

I know. I grew up in a trap house.

[Audience Member]

I'm gonna write an railroad apartment.

[Louis J Gomez]

I'm down. If you can answer one question for me, Alex, did you change the word erwear to everywhere there was naked people?

[Audience Member]

They do that.

[Louis J Gomez]

They will do that.

[Audience Member]

They do that.

[Louis J Gomez]

They will take. They will take liberties to make sure.

[Cam Patterson]

You don't.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, this sounds. This sounds so much like Cam, but that's.

[Cam Patterson]

That's. That's the thing that makes me feel like it's not because it's.

[Audience Member]

Who the else could it be?

[Cam Patterson]

Oh.

[Louis J Gomez]

Oh, no. They go. You.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Wait a minute.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah. What about you?

[Audience Member]

I did have railroad apartments, but no one was cooking crack.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Yeah, that. Why I.

[Audience Member]

My mom was cooking chicken cuts. Okay.

[Louis J Gomez]

I think, by definition, stole trap house. That's true. That's true. You were. Yeah. According to Lewis, you were trapped in that railroad apartment with your mom's chicken cutlets, I believe, pounded down paper thin.

[Big J Okerson]

I believe that one of the. One of the defining factors of a trap house is the fact that it is railroad style. Maybe I'm wrong about that.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

No, it's just drugs and the people that.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, shut the.

[Louis J Gomez]

That's what I believe.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I know it's true.

[Cam Patterson]

I will say this. I will say the only. I. I don't think it's Lewis. But now I'm also Jay's. Jay's been. What? Could it be you?

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah, dude, I hang a trap house.

[Cam Patterson]

No, no, but you're visiting. Yeah, you're visiting a friend with a new baby.

[Big J Okerson]

I will say that Jay, my son, was born, and Jay was at the stand. We.

[Louis J Gomez]

I brought us into a trap house.

[Big J Okerson]

I used to live a block. I used to live a block from the old stand, and Jay was at the sand every single night. It took Jay a full year and a half to meet my son. I don't think he's visiting some random.

[Louis J Gomez]

Bitch with a new baby. Okay, that's a crazy thing to say. You son of a bitch. I held your son as a baby.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, he's still a baby after.

[Louis J Gomez]

No, I held your son as a baby, you jerk off. You don't remember that?

[Big J Okerson]

Look how angry he's getting right now, guys.

[Cam Patterson]

That hit a sore spot.

[Big J Okerson]

No, it was maybe six months.

[Louis J Gomez]

Maybe. Okay, but six months is still this.

[Cam Patterson]

So we're. So we're down to Cam or Vinny?

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, what are we even doing here? It's. It's fucking Cam.

[Cam Patterson]

But here's the thing, man. Is this the game where we're psyching ourselves out?

[Big J Okerson]

Are we just wasting time? I get it. We got a vamp and make jokes.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

But that's the thing. Like, it's not a thing that would alarm me.

[Cam Patterson]

You never said they were alarmed.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Wouldn't even write it down. It's like it's a regular day of my life.

[Big J Okerson]

You know what I'm saying?

[Louis J Gomez]

Can't let everybody jump up I swear to next time.

[Cam Patterson]

Could be Vinnie, though. Shut the up. It really could. Oh, all right.

[Big J Okerson]

It could who? It could be Vinnie.

[Cam Patterson]

Could be Vinnie. Cuz Vinny's. Vinnie has. Vinnie's got some dirt bag friends, you know? That's true.

[Audience Member]

I used to go to the projects of Park Hill Projects to like, I, like, deliver papers.

[Louis J Gomez]

Until all those gaparoos came out and saw you, right?

[Cam Patterson]

God damn it. It's so. It so clearly seems like a cam story. It makes me feel like it's not.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, if it's not, by the way, if it's Vinnie, he's going to pull.

[Cam Patterson]

So far ahead right now. It's over. Should I go, Vinnie? Just. I'm not letting go yet. Should I go, Vinnie, just to. Just to keep us all close? What did you put? Who'd you put, Vinnie?

[Audience Member]

Cam?

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

That's crazy, dog. That's insane.

[Audience Member]

I'm sorry.

[Cam Patterson]

All right, let's do it. Alex, please be obvious.

[Mike Feeney]

Story number five belongs to someone who came and saw my baby right away, by the way, Big J Okerson.

[Cam Patterson]

No way.

[Louis J Gomez]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Big J is playing the game, dude.

[Cam Patterson]

Wow, wow, wow. How did.

[Louis J Gomez]

All right. By the way, Cam guessed it. Right?

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

How. But I knew all of you who didn't grow up around black people would fall for the trap house line.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

I don't want to fucking trap.

[Cam Patterson]

I see how you.

[Audience Member]

Your plan. Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Lewis talked me out of it with the.

[Louis J Gomez]

I sent you, all right, To Cam. And you all played my game perfectly.

[Big J Okerson]

Who was this. Who was this woman with a baby in the trap house?

[Louis J Gomez]

Oh, yeah, she's. Her name's Tracy. I've known her for a long time. And then. And then we would hang out a little bit when we were younger. And then when I moved to New York, she started. I mean, just getting rammed through by black dudes. And then one of them put a baby in her. And me, I was hanging out with. Remember Larry Bia? Larry Bia is a great dude, but I mean, the whitest of black guys you can go into a situation like this with. And I was in the neighborhood and she goes, oh, I want you to come see my new baby. And we did. And when we got to the house right away, she starts walking us in. She has to tell everybody outside to be cool and stop fucking, like, staring at us shitty because we're friends of hers. And then it was just like a tower of terror of every flight we went up. Like a door open and there'd be people, like, naked fucking in there, like, close door Motherfucker. And then another room, there'd be people doing. It was fucking wet.

[Big J Okerson]

And then at the top, it was a giant eyeball.

[Louis J Gomez]

Mordor. I gave the ring. Now, I swear to you, the craziest thing is like. And music blaring everywhere and spray paint on the walls. And then the last steps, like the fifth flight of steps, there was just a beautiful white room with a baby sleeping. I mean, just sleeping there perfectly. And then the same terrifying. Going all back downstairs. But she had to keep. She had to follow behind us to say, don't kill them. They're my friends on every fucking floor. But I stayed a little bit on the fuck floor. Just a watch. I just watched. I didn't jump in. There was. There was about 75 inches of black dick in that room. Four guys. So I was. I was gonna watch. I didn't. I didn't.

[Cam Patterson]

How did you know it was him?

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

He from Philly, man.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, man.

[Louis J Gomez]

You guys don't respect my gangster. You see these painted nails? You forget I'm from West Philadelphia. Okay. Feels good. What are our scores looking like?

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, before we do that, I will say I did confirm that a trap house has nothing to do with the railroad.

[Louis J Gomez]

So. Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I looked it up.

[Louis J Gomez]

I don't know why you looked. I think we were all new for sure. It had nothing to do with the design of the home. Of said home.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know where I came up with it.

[Cam Patterson]

I think you were thinking of the wire, because they would go in the front door and then they would run out to the back alley.

[Louis J Gomez]

It's a trap house. Trap loft.

[Big J Okerson]

Alec. Worst course.

[Mike Feeney]

All right, on the board, in last place, with three points, Luis J. Gomez. In fourth place, with four points, Mike Feeney.

[Cam Patterson]

This is a travesty. A travesty.

[Mike Feeney]

In second place, with seven points each, tied up Cam Patterson and Vinnie Guadagnino. And in the lead with eight points, Big J Okerson.

[Louis J Gomez]

Wow.

[Cam Patterson]

That's crazy. The impossible has happened is crazy. Is that the biggest comeback back in the game? Do you believe in miracles?

[Big J Okerson]

We've had some crazy comebacks.

[Louis J Gomez]

Crazy comebacks.

[Big J Okerson]

Here's the understanding. Big J hasn't won a game. I mean, in six months. I. I don't know. It's.

[Louis J Gomez]

I think, the length of the show.

[Big J Okerson]

He won. He's won four games ever. He very is rarely in the lead. This is a very good position for Jay to be in.

[Cam Patterson]

Damn it.

[Louis J Gomez]

This is a big thing. I don't want to get too hyped because it's just going to it's going to upset me, but I got this.

[Big J Okerson]

Yo, it's Louis J. Gomez and Big J. Okerson bringing you the madness on Story wars, the sickest game show podcast around. My wallet was a disaster. Bulky, falling apart, giving me a crooked spine. Jay, what trash were you carrying?

[Louis J Gomez]

Louis, my wallet was a saggy leather mess, like a sad taco stuffed with receipts. Now I'm all in with Ridge Wallet. You see that new titanium black beast they got on the website? That's my new go to bathroom site. So long, Worldstar. Ooh, blasphemy. Helloridge.com. slim as Hell holds 12 cards plus cash.

[Big J Okerson]

Yo, Ridge actually gave me an idea with their carbon fiber airtag wallet. I'm gonna put an airtag attachment on everything I own. Ridge's lifetime warranty means it's the last wallet that I'll ever buy. There's suitcases and key cases. Same sleek, tough vibe. With 100,000 five star reviews, you know it's legit, Jay. That air tag give you peace of mind or what?

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah, no more freaking out out after the bar or when you get home after the bar, whenever that is.

[Big J Okerson]

Right now, for a limited time, our listeners get 10 off at Ridge by using the code WARS W A R Z. Make sure you go to ridge.com warswithaz to grab the perfect upgrade for. For this summer. That's ridge.com wars with a Z at checkout. Let them know that storywar sent you. All right, where were we?

[Audience Member]

Alex.

[Louis J Gomez]

Story number six.

[Mike Feeney]

Story number six. I once almost drowned trying to impress a girl by jumping off a cliff into the water.

[Louis J Gomez]

This is fucking Feeny again. Trying to impress the ladies.

[Audience Member]

There's no way.

[Louis J Gomez]

Why do you do things alone? And then, by the way, everything you do, the girls are always like, what is Hannah doing? Girls, check it out. Huh?

[Cam Patterson]

Listen, that's. That's very funny, that there's two impressive girl stories. Obviously, I wouldn't submit two of them, you know.

[Big J Okerson]

Obviously.

[Louis J Gomez]

All right, let's just cut. Let's just cut right now. Cam's not getting that beautiful hair when he impress no bits. It's gonna take 75 hours to drown.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, it does say almost drowned.

[Louis J Gomez]

Hold up. Hold up.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Wait a minute. Hold up. Stop clapping. Wait a minute. Stop clapping that goddamn corner. Hey, I am. I am a phenomenal swimmer.

[Louis J Gomez]

I believe you. You grew up in Orlando. That's big.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

I'm a great swimmer.

[Cam Patterson]

Orlando, the landlocked capital of the world. What are you talking about?

[Louis J Gomez]

Oh, there's no ocean anywhere near. No, I'm saying No, my point. I'm saying he's in Orlando. He's. Now there's water all over Orlando.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, just flat Orlando. What cliff is in Orlando? In Disney World.

[Louis J Gomez]

Disney Cliff.

[Cam Patterson]

Space Mountain. Never heard of it.

[Louis J Gomez]

Goofy's Cliff Dive. I guess you haven't been in a while.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

Epcot.

[Cam Patterson]

Listen, I want to. I want to throw my hat into the ring for Lewis.

[Louis J Gomez]

So you two.

[Cam Patterson]

No, because Lewis goes to Jamaica and all these tropical places where they go terrified of heights. I know, but to impress a girl.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I've. Now I. I brought her. I brought her to Jamaica.

[Louis J Gomez]

Whatever the girl is like. She goes, oh, my God, I get so wet for heights. Okay, guess I'll try.

[Cam Patterson]

Maybe this is the story. Maybe this is the genesis that made you scared of heights.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I've always been afraid of heights. Terrified of heights in a very crazy way.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah, ever since you try to jump off a foot ladder for a girl to impress. Really?

[Cam Patterson]

I think this is Lewis or Vinnie.

[Audience Member]

Wasn't me. I don't know what to say.

[Cam Patterson]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

What, do you go cliff diving? Have you been cliff diving?

[Louis J Gomez]

Of course. He's done everything.

[Big J Okerson]

He just said no. Hold on. You said no? You've never been cliff diving?

[Louis J Gomez]

He's lying. Yeah, he sell, he delivers papers and he cliff dives.

[Big J Okerson]

There was a whole episode of Jersey Shore where you guys went cliff diving.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

There's gotta be a time you cliff dive on Jersey shore. There's been 73 seasons. I went from a young new comic to an elderly old, washed up comic. In the time your show's been running.

[Audience Member]

Never went cliff diving.

[Louis J Gomez]

All of that. Never cliff diving. My whole career trajectory, no cliff dive.

[Cam Patterson]

Okay, Jay, I have to ask. Have you ever been cliff diving?

[Louis J Gomez]

All right. No way, dude. I would not. Not only would I not believe the water's not deep enough for me to cliff dive, I just see it. For sure I'm gonna hit the rock on the way. I'm the cell phone viral video of a guy just up.

[Cam Patterson]

I can also see your loose shirt flapping in the wind, propelling you up.

[Louis J Gomez]

Absolutely. It's very.

[Cam Patterson]

It's a reverse parachute.

[Louis J Gomez]

If I do wear. I took a baggy shirt. Yeah, it goes. What's happening? Is the FUBU army landing. Got a FUBU baseball jersey cruising me to safety. Hey, guys. I was trying to kill myself.

[Cam Patterson]

He's like a. He's like a flying squirrel. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I was thinking Feeny at first, but Vinnie, it's got to be.

[Audience Member]

Can I tell you why, Feeny, you Wouldn't do the two impressed girl stories. So thank you. It's not.

[Big J Okerson]

Please vote for me.

[Audience Member]

I think it's Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

I. I'm telling you, right? The only reason I'm thinking it's Vinnie is because he's saying I've never been cliff diving. That's nearly impossible for like.

[Louis J Gomez]

Who's.

[Cam Patterson]

I'll tell you. I did a cliff when in Hawaii. I went cliff diving off a 40 foot cliff. That was the same one. I found out after I did it that that's the one that Justin Bieber jumped off and blew his eardrum out doing. Yeah. So I would. I've done it, but I was.

[Big J Okerson]

I was in Hawaii and I went up to go cliff dive. I was with a chick. And I literally stood there on the edge, paralyzed in fear and walked back down like a fucking pussy.

[Cam Patterson]

It's. Yeah, it's.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, Jay, I swear to God, that's a true story.

[Louis J Gomez]

All right? I believe you.

[Big J Okerson]

I swear to God.

[Cam Patterson]

You erased it, man.

[Louis J Gomez]

I'm really. I'm really. Baby. In this league. When I wasn't winning, I was like loose as a goose. Now I'm like, hang on.

[Cam Patterson]

Everything matters.

[Louis J Gomez]

Look at me in the face and tell me this isn't you.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay? I want you to win. You have to won in months.

[Louis J Gomez]

Shut up.

[Big J Okerson]

You also know I've say it for a new friends.

[Louis J Gomez]

Oh, the guy left. He hates me now. Great. Just like my real dad.

[Big J Okerson]

I've told you how many times I've told you how many times that I'm terrified of heights. I just talked to the story recently about the space.

[Louis J Gomez]

Louis, I swear to God, on my life, I've known you, so I know so much about you. On my life, we have multiple tattoos. We have tattoos of a. A thing to know who knows each other best. He won and I won the thing. And I promise you, until this moment, if it's true, I never knew you had a problem with heights in my life.

[Big J Okerson]

Really? I just told you with the story about this on top of the stratosphere with James. You don't listen.

[Louis J Gomez]

I don't listen?

[Big J Okerson]

You don't listen.

[Louis J Gomez]

I don't what? Dude, it's all white noise.

[Cam Patterson]

You're afraid of white might be. Louis, you're wasting a vote here, pal. Yeah, it's.

[Audience Member]

It's.

[Louis J Gomez]

You're wasting a vote here, pal. Lewis does that to me all the time too. He goes. And then I don't. And then I. That's him. And he looks at me, he goes, sorry that Vinnie.

[Big J Okerson]

You've never been cliff Diving with a woman.

[Cam Patterson]

No, he's been so quiet.

[Louis J Gomez]

You know what? Now that dude, I'm going, mike Feeney, I'm with you.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Oh, yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

By messing up after he just said.

[Audience Member]

That maybe you're very dumb.

[Cam Patterson]

You're very dumb and you've.

[Louis J Gomez]

Wait, you've.

[Cam Patterson]

You've squandered your lead.

[Audience Member]

Now I'm thinking it's Feening because he's really insane.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Word.

[Cam Patterson]

I'm learning so much right now.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

I'm so happy, dog. It's so dope here. I ain't know you was on the Jersey show, nigga. That's cool as hell, man.

[Louis J Gomez]

That's fucking dope.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

I had no idea.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah, this is really goddamn cool, man. For 27 years.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Hey, no idea, dog. Cool as fuck. Life is great, man. Life is crazy.

[Audience Member]

That's how my career is going, guys.

[Louis J Gomez]

Oh, that hurts the most. Because Vinnie definitely knew who Cam Patterson was.

[Cam Patterson]

Damn it.

[Louis J Gomez]

That's true.

[Audience Member]

I'm a big fan.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

I know he was. That's dope.

[Cam Patterson]

I'm going against my instinct to St. Louis, and I'm saying, vinnie, nice Mike, man.

[Louis J Gomez]

I hope because he voted last, you're.

[Cam Patterson]

Going to be pissed.

[Audience Member]

It's going to be Mike because he's. He's selling it.

[Louis J Gomez]

Ah, you definitely Mike.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck.

[Louis J Gomez]

Whoa.

[Cam Patterson]

I fucking. Fuck you.

[Mike Feeney]

This story belongs to Lewis Jay Gomez.

[Cam Patterson]

Why aren't you. Why are you helping me? Help me. Help me.

[Louis J Gomez]

Can I say something to you out loud?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

Stop winking at me. When I chew, it makes me like a. Every time it's him, I look over, I go, no. He goes. And I go. And I go. I guess my first instance, I go, ooh. And then I go, you stop trying to make me wet. Morning.

[Big J Okerson]

So I am terrified of heights, but I have gone cliff diving a decent amount, considering how terrified of heights I am. And the story about Hawaii is true. I really went all the way up, and I was like, fuck this. And I walked back down while literally everyone cackled and made fun of me. But this one, I was like, maybe 17 years old. 16. There was a place in. It's Orange County, New York is between, like Rockland county and Orange County. It was called the Deep Hole. And it was like a spring that everyone would jump off of cliffs into. And we were with, there's a little bitch cliff that was maybe like 12ft high. And we would jump off that all afternoon. And we were just about to leave, and these cute girls showed up, and there was a higher one. They were like, you guys aren't gonna go off the higher one. And I lied.

[Louis J Gomez]

I was like.

[Big J Okerson]

I was like, oh, I've been doing it all afternoon. Obviously, you know, I've been.

[Louis J Gomez]

I'm like, Hispanic Greg Louganis.

[Big J Okerson]

So then they're like, sure, come on, do it. And I was like, all right, I'll do it. And then I went. I started. I started.

[Louis J Gomez]

Witness the pageantry of a human dolphin.

[Big J Okerson]

I started climbing up the cliff to try to get there, all the way up to the. The high one. And I slipped and I fell down the rocks while I clawed and screamed.

[Louis J Gomez]

I tore my lunch.

[Big J Okerson]

I tore like, five fingernails. And I. I mean, just literally my body smashing into rocks. I landed in the water. I literally went under. I couldn't. Couldn't breathe. I was just gasping for air. And these just laughed at me.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, of course.

[Louis J Gomez]

Came over and went, you have a booger on top of everything.

[Audience Member]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

That was worth the points. That story sucks.

[Cam Patterson]

His lack of. His lack of good defense made me. Made me.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Vinnie's got my numbers in it. Vinnie knows when it's me.

[Louis J Gomez]

Silent Assassin.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, where are our points at?

[Mike Feeney]

All right. In last place with four points, Mike Feeney.

[Louis J Gomez]

That was, by the way, Mike. Can I tell you something, Mike? And give me your hand. I understand this pain. This happens to me a lot. Almost every week, I come out of the gates on fire. Nailing it first round, and it's like three, and everybody else has nothing. And then I just never score again.

[Audience Member]

It was.

[Louis J Gomez]

I know.

[Cam Patterson]

It was the best moment of my life.

[Louis J Gomez]

I know. And now this sucks. Do you remember they got excited. Camp Patterson was like, this game fucking rules. And what you did was amazing. And you haven't felt even good since.

[Cam Patterson]

No, I'm in a terrible.

[Louis J Gomez]

You have those same four points.

[Big J Okerson]

Are you still the same? Same four.

[Cam Patterson]

I haven't gotten anything right.

[Louis J Gomez]

That's insane. It's not insane. It happens to me constantly.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, Jay, on the last one, wrote my name down and erased it.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Yeah, that was crazy.

[Cam Patterson]

That was nuts. That was a great last second betrayal on your part.

[Louis J Gomez]

Part.

[Cam Patterson]

That was fantastic.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm sorry, Alex.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

You put that on.

[Louis J Gomez]

God.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Oh, God. It's not me.

[Louis J Gomez]

He will swear on his son's pancreas. He doesn't give a. He's cold.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Oh, God.

[Louis J Gomez]

It's not ice water in his veins, Alex.

[Mike Feeney]

In fourth place with seven points, Cam Patterson.

[Louis J Gomez]

It's tight. It's tight.

[Mike Feeney]

In third place, with eight points, Big J. Okerson.

[Louis J Gomez]

What an emotional roller coaster.

[Mike Feeney]

In second place, with nine points, Luis J. Gomez.

[Louis J Gomez]

Sitting pretty.

[Mike Feeney]

And in the lead with 11 points, Vinnie Guadagnin.

[Audience Member]

From the Jersey Shore. From the Jersey Shore.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, truly anybody's game. Still, though, this is. It's way closer than you think.

[Louis J Gomez]

Vinny, I would tell you to invite over Snooky and fucking jwoww because Lucid is a psychological thriller about trauma control and the dark power of the subconscious. When Devin discovers the art of lucid dreaming, he begins manipulating his dream world to escape a broken home and a painful past. But something else is lurking inside his mind. Something that remembers what he's trying to forget. And it's getting stronger every time he sleeps. Vinnie. Yo, it's right there. You can almost touch it.

[Audience Member]

Can't wait.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, Story number seven.

[Mike Feeney]

Story number seven. I. The girl who gave me chlamydia again. Just to be sure that she was the one who gave it to me.

[Louis J Gomez]

It's Cam. No, it's Vinnie. No, Cam, it's me. No video Cam. Vinny.

[Cam Patterson]

The only one who I feel like would even write that would be Lewis or Cam.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I've never had chlamydia.

[Cam Patterson]

I don't believe anything you say from here on out. Fuck you.

[Big J Okerson]

All right. I currently have chlamydia.

[Louis J Gomez]

But you're living with it, not dying from it. Again.

[Big J Okerson]

Again.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Twice as crazy dog.

[Louis J Gomez]

Twice as. Say no more.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Twice as crazy dog.

[Louis J Gomez]

No. Jay. Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Do you have a defense?

[Louis J Gomez]

Never had chlamydia or if I did, undiagnosed, and then it just eventually went.

[Big J Okerson]

Away, would it just go away?

[Audience Member]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

Does it eventually go away on its own?

[Audience Member]

No, I don't think so.

[Louis J Gomez]

You don't think so? He said, I don't think so, and then tapped his fingers very curiously.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah. What's your. What do you think, Vinnie?

[Audience Member]

I'm trying to follow the logic. If you fuck a girl with chlamydia and then you have chlamydia and then you fuck her again, how do you know? Do you still have chlamydia?

[Louis J Gomez]

Right. It's.

[Audience Member]

You would have to get rid of the chlamydia, go back to her. She still has chlamydia.

[Cam Patterson]

You would need a control group.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[Cam Patterson]

This is high level. Yeah, this is high level. I understand. Yeah, you're right.

[Louis J Gomez]

Absolutely.

[Big J Okerson]

Use a scientific theory.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

This is an eight month project.

[Cam Patterson]

No.

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

There's the hypothesis.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah. We actually got NYU funding that can finish this experiment.

[Big J Okerson]

Video. You ever had chlamydia?

[Audience Member]

No. No. What are you talking about?

[Cam Patterson]

That was a whole storyline in season six. I think my whole career is built on chlidia. Got it.

[Louis J Gomez]

Jersey sure comes with vaccinations for this kind of thing.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

The cough was crazy.

[Louis J Gomez]

Vaccinations.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

The cough was crazy.

[Audience Member]

Yeah. It's the chlamydia.

[Louis J Gomez]

Sorry. I want to. This.

[Audience Member]

You know, I wouldn't write.

[Louis J Gomez]

Lewis would do this.

[Audience Member]

I wouldn't write.

[Cam Patterson]

Lewis would. But here's the thing. Would Vinnie write?

[Audience Member]

No.

[Cam Patterson]

The girl. I feel like he. He wouldn't write.

[Louis J Gomez]

Made love.

[Cam Patterson]

It's a little. Yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

He smush, mushed.

[Louis J Gomez]

Oh, yeah, exactly.

[Cam Patterson]

I smushed the girl.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Alex changed that.

[Louis J Gomez]

I fist pump some chick.

[Audience Member]

Ha.

[Louis J Gomez]

You beat up or beat? Cam.

[Big J Okerson]

Cam, have you ever had chlamydia?

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I appreciate your honesty.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm with you, Feeny. I think I'm feeling chlamydia.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Dude. That's crazy, though, man.

[Louis J Gomez]

That's up. Can I tell you something? I sincerely apologize. If it's not you and it could be Vinnie. This could.

[Cam Patterson]

Could be Vinnie playing.

[Louis J Gomez]

When he said he didn't have chlamydia ever, he laughed.

[Audience Member]

Why are we missing these two guys?

[Cam Patterson]

Lewis, before. Before you put your thing down. 1. Another point for Vinnie. Everyone who always is. Like, how does that even work? That's usually their story, trying to throw it off the scent. And he did that whole. All right, forget it.

[Audience Member]

I don't know.

[Cam Patterson]

I'm overthinking. I don't know what I'm talking. I'm going. I'm gonna do this.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, if this is Vinnie, he's doing a great job at acting. Acting like it's.

[Louis J Gomez]

He's doing so good.

[Cam Patterson]

But he did it last time, too.

[Audience Member]

I don't think he would write.

[Louis J Gomez]

This is his audition for.

[Cam Patterson]

Why do you think it's him? Let me ask you that.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

He coughed when he said he got committed.

[Cam Patterson]

He did cough.

[Louis J Gomez]

He did.

[Cam Patterson]

It was also. The finger thing was crazy.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

I told you I had committed. Yes, I've had committed.

[Cam Patterson]

Did you ever do. Did you ever do this?

[Louis J Gomez]

No, that's literally.

[Audience Member]

Literally.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Why would I go.

[Louis J Gomez]

It's one of them two. I'm insane. I got to be honest with you. I'm a little worried about my vote now that I heard Cam say he understands what happened here. And it's. You couldn't find out if she's the one who gave it to you if you have it already. And you. Her again.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Crazy.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah. God damn it. It might be Vinnie. That himbo gave me chlamydium.

[Big J Okerson]

What the. Dude, I have. I have Cam written down, but I might be changing my vote to Vinny.

[Louis J Gomez]

Leave Cam.

[Big J Okerson]

What do you guys Think. Do you think it's Vinnie?

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah, bro, that's.

[Big J Okerson]

You think it's Cam.

[Louis J Gomez]

They think racist.

[Cam Patterson]

It's always them. It's always them.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

All right.

[Louis J Gomez]

That's the hillbilly hideout we called over there. Hill hideout. Hey, I a girl that just dumb.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Like, as a who had committed. That's stupid, dog.

[Big J Okerson]

My vote is for Vinny. I can't let Vinny pull this far ahead.

[Louis J Gomez]

It might be Lewis. It could be Lewis. He's done and he has the video. Always.

[Cam Patterson]

Wait a minute.

[Audience Member]

They always throw in two stories in a row at one point. So this is it happens. You guys okay.

[Louis J Gomez]

Alex, everyone's in for question number seven.

[Mike Feeney]

Story number seven belongs to Cam Patterson.

[Louis J Gomez]

Damn.

[Cam Patterson]

That's two right answers I've erased and two back to back rounds he threw me off with.

[Louis J Gomez]

You had. You had Cam written for so long on your board.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Hey, yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

How hard is it not to react, Cam, when you watch him start to change? No, but when he starts to change it, you're like.

[Cam Patterson]

Because you did the whole. The whole this thing and that. God damn it. Fun anymore?

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Oh, man.

[Audience Member]

Feeny's going through it, dude.

[Louis J Gomez]

Oh, man.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Had to call myself retarded for that one, man.

[Louis J Gomez]

Good, though.

[Audience Member]

Yeah, that was good.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

No, I did that, though. I did that. No, I had. I had. So I fucked this girl. She kept telling me to take the condom off the whole time. And I was like, nah, I'm not gonna do it. I was like, shit, maybe like 17. I said, no, I'm not gonna do it. And then I finally did, and I caught committed. And then like a year later, I fucked her again. But I ain't really know. I ain't know it was her, though, who gave it to me. But when I fucked it, I was like, let me take the condom off. And she was like, no. And I was like, it was you.

[Louis J Gomez]

She found out after you.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Yeah, I was like, you definitely gave it to me. That's how I knew, man.

[Louis J Gomez]

A year of chlamydia. Get insurance, go to a clinic.

[Audience Member]

That's.

[Louis J Gomez]

Oh, that's a shake up.

[Big J Okerson]

That's a huge shake up.

[Louis J Gomez]

That's a shake up. That's a shake up. What are the scores, Alex?

[Cam Patterson]

Going with my gut. And I didn't.

[Louis J Gomez]

Again.

[Mike Feeney]

All right, on the scoreboard. In last place, having scored zero points since round one, Alex.

[Louis J Gomez]

Alex.

[Mike Feeney]

Mike Feeney with four points. In fourth place with nine points, Lewis Jay Gomez in third place with 11 points, Vinny Guadagnino. In second place with 12 points, Big J Oker. And in the lead with 13 points. Cam Patterson.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, it is anybody but Mike Feeney's game.

[Cam Patterson]

But wait a minute, wait a minute. This is the section where we start quadruple points, right? No.

[Louis J Gomez]

No, no, Mike. But I'll tell you what. That major point shaker brought to you by double point.

[Cam Patterson]

God damn it.

[Louis J Gomez]

Mike. You can still make a showing, bud.

[Cam Patterson]

Is this what you feel like every week?

[Louis J Gomez]

Every week. This sucks. This is crazy, by the way. Emotionally, I've already won. We're here. I'm still in it at the last question.

[Big J Okerson]

That's crazy.

[Louis J Gomez]

It's so rare. Usually by the last question, I'm texting Christine, like, what do you want to get from dinner? Doesn't matter sober.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, we have one final story. Story number eight.

[Cam Patterson]

You're my only solace, miss. The only joy is from. From that woman.

[Louis J Gomez]

She loves the sound. Yeah, Alex, keep it doing one more time. Story number eight. She gonna her pants.

[Cam Patterson]

I gotta say, it's also. It's not that it's just she's laughing. It's that it's murdering equally as hard.

[Louis J Gomez]

Every time she falls over story number eight.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

She loves it.

[Louis J Gomez]

It's identical. It's like she's a program.

[Big J Okerson]

She literally just slapped her knee.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

This is how we're finding out. She's a Terminator. Every time they say play, she just does the whole thing exactly over again. She's on a loop.

[Cam Patterson]

It's somewhat troubling.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, guys, let's take a quick moment. I want to talk about my company, which is Body Brain Coffee. Guys, how great is Body Brain Coffee? We love it. Everyone's hyped up right now on Body Brain Coffee. If you. You guys are a man and over the age of 30, I'll tell you right now, your testosterone is probably going down. Why not support your testosterone naturally with the amazing ingredients in Body Brain Coffee has Tonga Ali, which supports testosterone, has lion's mane for brain function. There's other ingredients like ashwagandha and L Theanine.

[Cam Patterson]

Beef heart.

[Big J Okerson]

There's no beef heart.

[Louis J Gomez]

Oh, okay.

[Big J Okerson]

It's the wrong show, Jay. Wrong show.

[Louis J Gomez]

Sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

If you guys still.

[Louis J Gomez]

I know we cross over. It's. It's. It affected me.

[Big J Okerson]

It's delicious. Premium freeze dried Colombian coffee that has stacked with amazing supplements that make you feel and look good. So just go to bodybraincoffee.com and use the promo code WAR15.

[Louis J Gomez]

I've heard. Delicious and delicious.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you very much. Jay's not even a coffee guy, so.

[Louis J Gomez]

I don't like coffee. But Everyone I know has told me about it because everybody. It's the beauty of you is everybody wants to take a nice on your stuff, you know, I mean, we want to think your coffee is going to blow and we off to like pat your ass. But everyone I know who's tried it says actually tastes. They're like, annoyingly like, it's good.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a good coffee. It's a great product. It really will make you feel good. And it does taste great. Just go to bodybraincoffee.com use the promo code war15 and save 15% off your order today. [e-mail]. all right, where were we, Alex?

[Mike Feeney]

Story number eight. I got into a verbal altercation at Six Flags. I got into a verbal altercation at Six Flags with the ride operator of Nitro.

[Big J Okerson]

Best roller coaster in the park.

[Louis J Gomez]

That's why you weren't taking it lightly on him.

[Mike Feeney]

On the way out, we knocked over his extra large drink, which spilled all over the controls, and we were chased by security across the park.

[Louis J Gomez]

I know what's happened to Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

I know it's not Big J because he wouldn't have ran after being chased.

[Louis J Gomez]

You?

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah. Not Jay.

[Louis J Gomez]

I'm fat. I don't want to go to jail.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I think Jay would rather take jail time than run.

[Louis J Gomez]

Depends. What am I doing a week? I'll do a week before I run a week.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, verbal altercation is.

[Cam Patterson]

This is another one of those situations where it seems so Louis like that. It feels like I'm getting thrown off the scent here.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

But I've been again going against my gut every time and been wrong every time.

[Louis J Gomez]

It's Feeny.

[Audience Member]

I feel like it's a Feeny.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah.

[Audience Member]

He gets into verbal altercations.

[Cam Patterson]

All right, so we know it's not Cam. All right. But what about you, Vinnie?

[Audience Member]

I mean, I went new jerseys.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah.

[Audience Member]

I went to Six Flags, you know, Never did this.

[Louis J Gomez]

It's not me. Fair. He never did it.

[Big J Okerson]

So, Feeny Feeney, why did you get into a verbal altercation with this right off here?

[Cam Patterson]

I did not get into a verbal. I'm actually terrified of roller coaster.

[Louis J Gomez]

This isn't K. I'm simply because he grew up in Orlando. You're not going to Six Flags Disney. Right there. Hold on.

[Big J Okerson]

First of all, Six Flags is better. Bigger than Disney and closer to home.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Well, no.

[Cam Patterson]

And we got like univers.

[Louis J Gomez]

Yeah. Here.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

That way better.

[Louis J Gomez]

Unless you think Cam got into this last week at Six Flags. I want the Great Adventure punch. A In his face. Nitro, my nuts. By the way, the extra large drink thing is making me think they're making fun of a fat guy who was working at the thing, which makes me think it's super fat cocked and great bodied. Vinny Guadagnino. No, no, no.

[Big J Okerson]

Vinny's a nice guy, though. I couldn't imagine.

[Louis J Gomez]

He's a very nice guy, but I don't know. That's why I just said, like, no. The guy had an extra large drink and my dick is huge.

[Audience Member]

I don't play with.

[Big J Okerson]

This is the thing. Here's what I'll tell you. Knocking over a drink out of somebody's hands is a mere Big J move. Like we'd get that aggressive. I don't see Feeney getting that aggressive.

[Louis J Gomez]

You said that was in his hands, which nobody said.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, it didn't say that. Knocked over his extra.

[Big J Okerson]

Either way. Either way, knocking over somebody's drink, it's not a Feeney move. I don't think it's a Vinnie move.

[Louis J Gomez]

It's a very different thing. Accidentally knocking over a drink versus slapping out of their hands, which you made very specific, which makes me know. This is Louis.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

Is this.

[Louis J Gomez]

You showed your ass. Dumb. Dumb.

[Big J Okerson]

Big J, can I tell you why I'm torn right now? You sure can, because I want Big J to win. But I also know that this is his story and the way he reacted to me, throwing it at him.

[Louis J Gomez]

Never been in a verbal altercation in an amusement park in my life. I go there. I go there for childlike whimsy. I go there to win stuffed animals.

[Big J Okerson]

With the basketball game early, getting into altercations.

[Louis J Gomez]

Shut the fuck up right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Right now.

[Louis J Gomez]

This is the guy. This guy is a world. You're in a world of altercations all the time.

[Big J Okerson]

You get into maybe more altercations than me.

[Louis J Gomez]

Thank you. He's a lunatic and he's saying crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay is trying to get everyone to vote quickly.

[Louis J Gomez]

Everybody takes your time. It's Lewis. I won.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, wait.

[Louis J Gomez]

Although Cam. Cam voted Lewis, which means he would win.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

Yeah.

[Louis J Gomez]

So let me convince you.

[Cam Patterson]

It's not.

[Louis J Gomez]

This isn't Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

I want Jay to win, but I'm letting you know that this is Big Jay Okerson.

[Louis J Gomez]

It's. I don't know why he's saying. I don't know why he's doing this head fic. I want Jay to win, but this is Jay. It's not. I don't just. Why would I get into a verbal altercation with Six Flags guy?

[Big J Okerson]

Jay, you get into verbal altercations with people for no reason or no.

[Louis J Gomez]

I look for justice where there is none. Damn. It's not going on the fucking nitro, by the way.

[Cam Patterson]

It's only been. Was it you guys?

[Louis J Gomez]

How about this? It's only been about six months since I can officially get on a roller coaster at Six Flags without them having to politely ask me to get off. Cuz it can't close.

[Big J Okerson]

Me specifically that he was able to fit on roller coasters two or three years ago.

[Louis J Gomez]

Nope. Fully loaded tours. First time. That was last year. First time ever.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know, Vinnie. No.

[Audience Member]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

Fe. Fe.

[Louis J Gomez]

You're getting very hurt. Oh, you're killing him. You're killing him. You're killing.

[Big J Okerson]

You're giving it to J. You so happy.

[Cam Patterson]

I want justice.

[Louis J Gomez]

Let me wiki you a bunch.

[Cam Patterson]

I want justice. I want.

[Big J Okerson]

Idiots. You just gave him the game.

[Audience Member]

He probably did. It's probably Big J.

[Mike Feeney]

The final story belongs to Mike Feeney.

[Cam Patterson]

That's a clean sweep. You. I told you. I knew it.

[Louis J Gomez]

Thank you, Ruth.

[Big J Okerson]

Holy. Feeny only scored points on the first and last round. And it was all the points.

[Louis J Gomez]

God damn it, Feeny.

[Big J Okerson]

Tell us this story. I have no idea who won right now.

[Cam Patterson]

I was in. I was at. We were at Six Flags. We were in high school. My buddy and I, we went on Nitro. I was truly terrified of roller coasters. He got me to go on it. We had so much fun on Nitro because it is the best roller coaster. And we wanted to go on it again without getting off. And the guy who worked there was in retrospect, doing his job, but in our mind being an asshole to us. He was overweight and he. And he. On the way out, we were walking. You know, when you walk right past the controls, there's like a zigzaggy ramp going down. And my buddy and I, he had this big extra large lemonade there. And my buddy knocked it, like just kind of knocked it over to be like, fuck you. We didn't know it was going to land on the control board. And then he was like, my controls. And then he.

[Big J Okerson]

You guys electrocuted everybody on the ride.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, they shoot him down.

[Louis J Gomez]

Final Destination.

[Cam Patterson]

But then he had. We had to like run down, by the way. You can't just like run. It's not steps. It's like a long like crossing, zigzagging thing. And he and I. And I remember distinctly him chasing us and like trying to get closer. And then thankfully, the people that were on the roller coaster with us were like, that guy sucks. And they like kind of blocked his path. Like we got through while he was like, being like, move out to the side, move to the side. You know. And then security got called. I. I hid in the arcade. My buddy went. We like. We like, you know, dispersed for 20 to 30 minutes and then had to come back to. And then we just stayed on the other side of the park the rest of the time. But it was.

[Louis J Gomez]

Avoid the nitro.

[Cam Patterson]

Yeah, yeah, it was. It was quite thrilling. But. Yeah, not as thrilling as that was.

[Big J Okerson]

That was wild.

[Cam Patterson]

All right, you do a verbal altercation had me dead to rock.

[Big J Okerson]

Right?

[Cam Patterson]

See, that was, ah. That was the moment. I was. I was really. I was sweating it out.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, we all are done. Where is our final point count?

[Mike Feeney]

All right. In last place with nine points.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Mike Feeney]

Lewis J. Gomez.

[Cam Patterson]

Not last.

[Louis J Gomez]

Not last, not last.

[Big J Okerson]

They still love me.

[Mike Feeney]

In fourth place with 11 points, Vinny Guadagnino.

[Big J Okerson]

What a game. What a game today.

[Audience Member]

So mid.

[Mike Feeney]

With 12 points each, I have a tie for second place. Making your winner tonight with 13 points, Cam Patterson.

[Louis J Gomez]

Good.

[Vinnie Guadagnino]

I want a book.

[Louis J Gomez]

Hell yeah.

[Cam Patterson]

I gotta be honest. Second place. Second place feels like a victory right now. I gotta be honest.

[Louis J Gomez]

I got it. Not.

[Big J Okerson]

Hold on one second. Let me just say something. Alex, I know that this. This book came to the office, right? It was. Somebody sent it in. There's a note.

[Louis J Gomez]

No, no.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you read the note? Dude, it says Dave. I've been a listener of part of the problem for many years.

[Louis J Gomez]

This has nothing to do with story wars of Legion of Skanks. This was four days I saw such.

[Cam Patterson]

A long letter they gave him. It's handwritten.

[Big J Okerson]

Read the whole thing for many years and always find your insights to be illuminating. You homo.

[Louis J Gomez]

Cam, just so you know, now you're taking this book that has been dedicated to Dave, but you will also be taking home the postcard. The guy wrote with everything in his heart to Dave that Dave Smith will.

[Cam Patterson]

Never ever see or know about.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, it's the author of this book. Sent it to Dave, Signed it. We just stole it and gave it away.

[Cam Patterson]

All right, I'm back in. This show's fun.

[Big J Okerson]

Put the postcard in here, guys.

[Louis J Gomez]

Everybody sign the book. Everybody. How about it for your newest story, Warrior Camp Patterson? Oh, you know, Cam, Cam, Cam, we always gotta tell you, it's your first time doing the show. What you win with becoming a Story Warrior privileges. You get to say. You get to ignite the. Oh, wait, no. You gotta say double, double, double. You now have that power for life. Your newest story, Warrior Cam Patterson having a big round of applause for everybody on this panel. Vinny Guadagnino, Mike Feeney. Restoring one course. Thank you guys so much for hanging out with us. We'll catch you next time. Until then, I'm Big J. Okerson.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm Louis J. Gomez.

[Louis J Gomez]

Peace.