051. Brian Redban, Kurt Metzger & Tommy Pope | Money

Summary

Story Warz Episode 051: Brian Redban, Kurt Metzger & Tommy Pope | Money

Release Date: July 25, 2025

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Welcome to Story Warz, a captivating and comedic game of deceptive storytelling hosted by Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez. In Episode 051, live from The Stand Comedy Club in New York City, the hosts are joined by notable guests Brian Redban, Kurt Metzger, and Tommy Pope to compete over the intriguing subject of Money.

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Introduction to Story Wars

At the onset (02:20), Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez kick off the show with lively banter, immediately establishing a dynamic and energetic atmosphere. They introduce their guests—Brian Redban, known from Kill Tony and the Sunset Strip Comedy Club; Tommy Pope from the Stuff Island podcast and Netflix; and Emmy award-winning writer Kurt Metzger. The hosts emphasize the competitive spirit of Story Wars, where each participant submits personal stories related to the designated topic—in this episode, Money.

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Game Mechanics Explained

Luis J. Gomez succinctly explains the rules (07:53):

"Story Wars is a very simple game that sounds very complicated. All five of us on this panel, including Lewis and I, have submitted three to five stories on one particular subject. Tonight's subject, Money."

The participants' objective is to read eight stories anonymously. They must convincingly portray their own submission while attempting to identify others' stories. Points are awarded both for accurately guessing another's story and for successfully deceiving the panel into believing your story isn't yours.

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Round-by-Round Breakdown

Round 1: Family Banking Practices (13:34)

Tommy Pope kicks off with a story about his family's unconventional banking habits:

"My family never had a bank account and did all the banking and bill payments at a check-cashing place."

The panel immediately debates the authenticity, with Big Jay expressing skepticism:

"Well, we are very excited about today's show. It's gonna be a great one."

After tumultuous discussions about who might have submitted the story, it’s revealed that Big Jay Oakerson submitted it, earning him four points (26:18).

Round 2: Abortion and Financial Scams (28:10)

Tommy Pope presents a gripping tale:

"I sold my entire comic collection to pay for an abortion. She joined AA years later and called me out of the blue to tell me she was never pregnant and the money was for meth."

The story sparks intense debate, with participants dissecting the details to determine its origin. Ultimately, Brian Redban admits to crafting the story, placing Big Jay in the lead with eight points (25:04).

Round 3: Stealing from Strangers (35:13)

Tommy Pope narrates:

"I stole money out of a stranger's car and weaponized my friends to an amusement park with it."

The storytelling becomes more heated, with accusations flying back and forth. The revelation that Luis J. Gomez submitted this story propels him into the lead with twelve points (35:29).

Round 4: Publisher's Clearinghouse Scam (46:28)

A complex story unfolds about a fraudulent millionaire scam involving Publisher's Clearinghouse. The panel struggles to associate the narrative with any specific guest until Brian Redban claims the tale, further tightening the competition (70:14).

Round 5: Sneaker Theft Operation (65:30)

Big Jay Oakerson shares a detailed account of orchestrated sneaker thefts, showcasing strategic planning and involvement with a local pizzeria owner. The story's specificity leads peers to suspect Big Jay, solidifying his position with more points (66:26).

Round 6: Credit Card Scam (70:27)

Tommy Pope recounts his experience with a credit card scam:

"I had a guy use a credit card scam to pay a crazy high cell phone bill I had. He guaranteed it would work. It caused me financial and legal trouble for years."

This story's emotional depth and personal impact resonate with the panel, making it a pivotal moment in the game (85:05).

Round 7: Receipt Return Scam (74:03)

Tommy Pope explains:

"I used to find receipts in the supermarket parking lot and then I would go to the store and return unpurchased items on the receipt for money."

The straightforwardness of this scam leads others to question its authenticity, but Big Jay identifies it correctly, further leading the scoreboard (75:00).

Round 8: Final Scam Revelation (84:49)

In the final round, Tommy Pope shares a tale about returning items based on found receipts, tying together the competitive threads of the game. This climactic story forces the panel to make their final guesses amidst a flurry of comedic exchanges (85:09).

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Key Interactions and Highlights

Throughout the episode, the chemistry between Big Jay and Luis J. Gomez is palpable, with frequent exchanges that blend humor with competitive tension. For instance, Luis jests:

"Great news, everybody. Story Wars merch store now up and functioning. Everyone get your goddamn merch right now." (00:35)

Meanwhile, Big Jay frequently challenges and teases his guests, enhancing the show's lively dynamic:

"Fuck you, lady." (03:37)

The inclusion of sponsor segments, though initially prominent, are expertly woven into the fabric of the show, maintaining engagement without overshadowing the main content.

A standout moment occurs when Luis J. Gomez passionately promotes the Texas Department of Tourism's cookbook, reflecting both the competitive stakes and the hosts' flair for promotion:

"It's gonna get pretty heated in here...the best and basic and easy recipe of Texas cooking." (11:36)

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Conclusion and Winner Announcement

As the game progresses, the scoreboard intensifies the competition. Luis J. Gomez emerges as the clear frontrunner, leveraging both his storytelling prowess and strategic guessing. By the final round, Luis secures victory with a total of 18 points, outpacing Big Jay Oakerson and other competitors.

Luis concludes the episode with a triumphant celebration of his win and a heartfelt acknowledgment of his fellow participants:

"Louisofs.com is a website...we have thousands of hours of content available just for Gas digital subscribers." (54:35)

The episode wraps up with a blend of camaraderie and comedic relief, leaving listeners eagerly anticipating the next installment of Story Warz.

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Notable Quotes

• Big Jay Oakerson (07:56): "Look, here's the thing. Two of you guys have never played before. Kurt, Brian, it's a fun game, but we are not playing for fun."

• Luis J. Gomez (11:36): "Every week here on Story Wars, we're playing for a book from the Story Wars library."

• Kurt Metzger (23:08): "I've been digging into part of the problem. It starts playing after my last video sometime."

• Brian Redban (25:57): "Jimmy has the magic dollar, you take clear."

• Luis J. Gomez (85:09): "Tommy, did you vamp like I asked?"

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Final Thoughts

Episode 051 of Story Warz masterfully blends humor, competition, and storytelling, providing listeners with an engaging and entertaining experience. The dynamic interplay between hosts and guests, coupled with sharp wit and strategic gameplay, makes this episode a standout installment in the Story Warz series. Whether you're a longtime fan or a newcomer, this episode offers a rich tapestry of comedic brilliance and compelling narratives centered around the universal theme of money.

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Note: Advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections have been omitted to focus solely on the episode's main content.

Transcript

[Big J Okerson]

Skank Fest New Orleans is happening November 14th through 16th. Get your tickets right now. There's only individual day passes left. All access is sold out.

[Brian Redban]

VIP is sold out.

[Big J Okerson]

It is the largest lineup we've ever had. Favorites like Tim Dillon, Shane Gillis, Nick Mullen, Joe List, Robert Kelly, Sam Hyde, obviously the Legion of Skanks and many, many more. Over 150 comedians, six stages, three full days of comedy fighting, music and everything else you love about Skank fest. Go to skankfest.com right now and grab your single day passes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Great news, everybody. Story wars merch store now up and functioning. Everyone get your goddamn merch right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Represent the show that you love. Show that you are yourself a Story Warrior. We got T shirts, we got hoodies, maybe socks one day. StoryWarsMerch.com is the way butt plugs that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Thing you can put inside of a woman and you control it from your phone.

[Big J Okerson]

The Story wars breakfast cereal. The Story wars flamethrow. Go to storywarsmerch.com and grab your merch today. What's going on, Story Warriors? If you love Story wars and you want to be a part of the live audience, come out to the New York Comedy Club every Wednesday night at 7:45pm to be a part of the show.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Don't be a piece of. Just get your tickets and come. It's fun face. New Yorkcomedyclub.com hey, before we start today's Story wars, let's talk about one of our awesome sponsors. And that of course is Yo Kratom. Long time, long time sponsor.

[Big J Okerson]

We give Yo Kratom double points.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Yo Kratom. Home of the $60 kilo, everybody. That price never changes. No matter how many things in the world do change. Presidents time, assassination attempts, Gaza Wars. What else? There's something else going on over there.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know, man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You've been listening, Iran.

[Big J Okerson]

You've been listening to part of the problem. Too much.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I've been digging into part of the problem. It starts playing after my last video sometime.

[Big J Okerson]

Y.com home of the $60 kilo. Let them know that we sent you. No promo code needed. All right, let's start the show.

[Kurt Metzger]

Fill her up. You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Tommy Pope]

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Story wars. Live from the Comedy Mothership in Austin, Texas with Big J Okerson and Louis J. Go.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What is up, everybody? Welcome to Story Wars. Make some fucking noise in here. Austin. We are at the Mothership, the home of Story Wars. Austin, Texas.

[Big J Okerson]

This is it. What a What A. I'm seeing a lot of familiar faces. Like a lot of people were here on the last show.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, the entire front row is identical. Yeah, I didn't realize that guy. Jewish locks are dreadlocks. That's somehow grosser than Jewish locks. How many people here are familiar with the game story wars?

[Big J Okerson]

How many are not familiar with the game story wars? One stupid bitch Lewis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That isn't how you get people interested. She's giving it a chance. No. And you are blowing immediately. You're blowing it.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck you, lady.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, miss, he doesn't speak for the show. I hope you. This is one of the best times you ever had.

[Big J Okerson]

Stop. Think she's better than us?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, my God.

[Big J Okerson]

You're not better than us. You don't. You. What have you created, Lady?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Lewis was a. Lewis was a complete orphan by 16 years old. He doesn't understand what he does. He's a piece of shit. I smoothed it over. I smoothed things over. I feel like.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, we are very excited about today's show. It's gonna be a great one. Why don't we introduce some of our guests, Jay?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Absolutely. Why don't we introduce all of them while we're at it?

[Big J Okerson]

You know what? Let's do two of the three and maybe we'll do a third.

[Luis J. Gomez]

After our first contestant doing the show, I believe for the first time from right here in Austin, Texas. You know him from Kill Tony. You know him from the Sunset Strip comedy club. How about some noise for the hilarious Brian Redman in the.

[Big J Okerson]

And your second competitor from the Stuff island podcast. And entire season one and season two on Netflix. Clap it up for the one and only Tommy Pope.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tommy Pope. Tommy. Tommy Pope.

[Big J Okerson]

Tommy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tommy Pope. Tommy. Tommy Pope. Tommy Pope. Tommy. Tommy Pope. Tommy Pope. Tommy. Tommy. Tommy. Tommy Pope.

[Big J Okerson]

It's Tommy Pope.

[Kurt Metzger]

It's Tommy Pope. It should.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That walk is so long.

[Kurt Metzger]

Well, you didn't.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, it's not your fault. I'm not blaming you. I'm just saying we have to start us over there.

[Big J Okerson]

Calm down, Pope.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jesus Christ.

[Alex]

He's wearing polo right now. Also, just so you know. What is that cologne that you're wearing?

[Kurt Metzger]

Imagine looking like a bedbug making fun of my cologne. Jesus Christ.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tommy Pope. Tommy. Tommy Pope. Tommy Pope. Tommy. Tommy Pope.

[Big J Okerson]

Tommy Pope. Bad box.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Polo. Oh, and last but not least, our final contestant on the show. You know him from his 30 minute special on YouTube. He's an Emmy award winning writer. He is my oldest friend in comedy. He is the hilarious Kurt Metzger joining the show. Kurt Metzger. Kurt.

[Brian Redban]

Kurt.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Kurt, Kurt Metzger. Kurt, Kurt, Kurt. Kurt Metzger. Kurt, Kurt, Kurt, Kurt. Kurt Metzger. Kurt, Kurt. Kurt Metzger. Kurt, Kurt, Kurt Metskirt.

[Big J Okerson]

Kurt, Kurt skirt.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Kurt, Kurt, Kurt Metzger.

[Big J Okerson]

Kurt.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Kurt Metzger.

[Big J Okerson]

Kurtzker.

[Brian Redban]

Guy smashed somebody's table with my hips on the way up here.

[Big J Okerson]

Kurt Metzger. Kurt Metzger.

[Brian Redban]

Always I. This guy's drink up with my hips, dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, well, that's because you're like. You've been on the saddle lately. You know what I mean? It looks like. So, yeah, your hips are widening out.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're getting that yellow. You're getting those Yellowstone haunches.

[Brian Redban]

I got the hips of a landman.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The hips of a. Yeah, a real surveyor's body.

[Brian Redban]

Oh. What's up, Red band? What's up, TP?

[Kurt Metzger]

What's happening?

[Alex]

Can I right now? What?

[Brian Redban]

TP's got a piss.

[Big J Okerson]

Tommy, you have to piss right now.

[Kurt Metzger]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, we were in the green room for hours.

[Kurt Metzger]

It's fine.

[Brian Redban]

I had a tinkle before the show.

[Big J Okerson]

Good, good.

[Brian Redban]

So I wouldn't disrupt it.

[Big J Okerson]

So two of you guys have never played Story wars before. We'll explain the rules real quick. Wow.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Start it over so we have it clean.

[Big J Okerson]

So two of you guys haven't played Story wars before. Let's explain the rules real quick.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Story word. Story War. Right away. Fleurs to flum. Story wars is a very simple game that sounds very complicated. All five of us on this panel, including Lewis and I, have submitted three to five stories on one particular subject. Tonight's subject, Money. Ooh, money. Alex, our lovely producer. Or wait, tonight it's gonna be G Mike.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, because our lovely producer Alex's voice is gone.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Is gonna be.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex show.

[Tommy Pope]

Don't fucking boo. What the fuck?

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, show them your voice. Listen to what it sounds like.

[Kurt Metzger]

Story number one.

[Big J Okerson]

She can't do it.

[Kurt Metzger]

That rules.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can't do it, Alex.

[Big J Okerson]

No, we made her do it.

[Brian Redban]

The whole show.

[Big J Okerson]

It was painful.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The Alex say, I'll get you and your little dog too.

[Kurt Metzger]

I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex say, come into my gingerbread house, Hansel and Gretel.

[Kurt Metzger]

Come into my gingerbread house, Hansel and Gretel.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, one more. Alex, do the entire Vincent Price speech from Michael Jackson's thriller.

[Kurt Metzger]

Darkness falls across the hill. The midnight hour is close at hand. Creatures crawl in search of blood to terrorize Yalls neighborhood. And whosoever shall be found without the soul for getting down must stand and face the hounds of hell and rotten.

[Alex]

Son, I would love to have you on the secret show.

[Luis J. Gomez]

For no mere mortal can resist the evil of the thriller, she says. Thank you, Alex. So, anyway, so G. Mike will be reading off our stories, in no particular order, one at a time for eight stories. If it is your story, you're the only person up here who knows that. So it's your job to fool the others that it's not your story. If it is your story or if it's not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.

[Big J Okerson]

And every time you guess the story correctly, you get two points. Every time, for every person you fool on the panel, you get one point. Once you write the name of your guests on this little dry erase board, put it in this stand right here and remove your hand. That's final answer. You can't change it, boys. And I'll tell you right now, look, here's the thing. Two of you guys have never played before. Kurt, Brian, it's a fun game, but we are not playing for fun. Jay, let him know what we're playing for tonight.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Every week here at Story wars, you.

[Kurt Metzger]

Just call me Brian.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

No, that's Brian.

[Alex]

I'm Brian.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, Tommy, you TP Red.

[Kurt Metzger]

Ben's name's Brian.

[Alex]

Yes, and my last name is Alex.

[Kurt Metzger]

Say Red Ben's name. Holy. I'm so sorry, Tommy.

[Alex]

You don't know my last name yet. It gets worse.

[Brian Redban]

I thought it was Dennis.

[Kurt Metzger]

I thought it was Red. Ben, we're in Texas, baby.

[Brian Redban]

Hey, Red's on the show.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, Red.

[Kurt Metzger]

Who's coming down here? Red?

[Alex]

Not much. What are you doing here, Red?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Bed.

[Brian Redban]

Who?

[Big J Okerson]

Tommy, you've played the game before when it was on Legion of Skanks.

[Kurt Metzger]

I think I did.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's what Jay said I did 100%.

[Big J Okerson]

On Legion of Skanks. We did.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex, tell him. He did.

[Kurt Metzger]

He did it.

[Big J Okerson]

Never mind. It's all three.

[Brian Redban]

All three new.

[Kurt Metzger]

Thank you, Alex. Thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

Predators on Story Wars. Guys, come on. Give him some love.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I swear to God, he played it well.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay, you're stupid. Tell them what we're playing for.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Every week here on Story wars, we're playing for a book from the Story wars library. Tonight, our winner takes home the best and basic and easy recipe of Texas cooking. By the Texas Department of. By the Texas Department of Tourism. Published by the Texas Department of Tourism, this cookbook features a collection of classic recipes that highlight Texas's rich culinary traditions. With straightforward instructions and everyday ingredients, it offers an accessible way to experience authentic Texas barbecue and cooking. Copies are available across the street at Scruffy souvenirs at Foodmart on 6th Street. What a book.

[Big J Okerson]

30, 32 pages of recipes.

[Kurt Metzger]

It's just. That's a pack of dykes just brewing up diarrhea in a pot at a bus stop.

[Big J Okerson]

But, yeah, Tommy, how about you to disrespect our price?

[Kurt Metzger]

I'm looking forward to it.

[Brian Redban]

I would take both your and Red Band's life for that cookbook. I want that known. I love Tommy Pope, and I would take his life.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's gonna get pretty heated in here. Everybody wants a piece of the basic, best, easy recipes of Texas cooking by the Texas Department of Tourism. It's coveted. And a number one over at Scruffy's across the street on 6th Street. A state cookbook, I think. Yeah. I think this crowd is ready for war. Are we ready for war? Are we ready for war? That one lady just nodded. She went, yeah. Then G Mike, with no further ado. Story number one.

[Tommy Pope]

Story number one, my family never had.

[Luis J. Gomez]

God, your voice sucks. That does not hit like Alex. Okay. All right, well, we gotta do what we gotta do.

[Brian Redban]

I bet Tommy Pope would read it really good.

[Tommy Pope]

My family never had a bank account and did all the banking and bill payments at a check cashing place.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, this is my story. But it's not my story. Just so you guys know, my mom was against bank accounts, but I did not submit this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, that's easy. Okay, never mind then. Moving on. I mean, you do this a lot. You say this is my story, but this one isn't my story.

[Brian Redban]

I'm very over.

[Big J Okerson]

That's the story.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, the whole story is we went.

[Kurt Metzger]

That was it.

[Brian Redban]

This is a hard game, dude.

[Kurt Metzger]

Wait, can you reread that?

[Big J Okerson]

It's on the screen in front of you, Tommy.

[Brian Redban]

It should be called Sentence Wars.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, it makes me feel like this is not Kurt's story.

[Kurt Metzger]

I mean, it's the one that graduated high school, I guess.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah. I guess he could be playing really well. Right? Because the idea is you'll tell the story. Story.

[Big J Okerson]

Tommy, did you grow up with a trashy family?

[Kurt Metzger]

What?

[Brian Redban]

Did you grow.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you grow up with a trashy family?

[Kurt Metzger]

Yes. Not like that. That's insane.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. You know what's so crazy?

[Kurt Metzger]

We go to fucking Target, do our banking. That's insane. Hold on. Let's read that. My family never had a bank account.

[Brian Redban]

You see, that is.

[Kurt Metzger]

And did all the banking and bill payments at a check cashing place.

[Brian Redban]

No one in the family, not one member of the family had a bank account. And this person thinks that you have to get a bank account as a family.

[Kurt Metzger]

That's 1800s type shit. That's. You hold coins under your mattress. How are you getting by?

[Big J Okerson]

Where are you.

[Kurt Metzger]

Where are you from?

[Big J Okerson]

I grew up in Rockland County, New York.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's not wrong.

[Big J Okerson]

Red Benny. You're from Ohio, right?

[Alex]

Way better.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, it's not nice. Suburbs. The shittiest suburbs.

[Alex]

Oh, hell, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Did you grow up? Did you grow up where in Ohio?

[Alex]

Oh, yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We.

[Alex]

We started off very, very rich. And then my parents got divorced. We were the first divorce in Ohio, I think.

[Brian Redban]

What the.

[Alex]

Yeah, 1982. I think.

[Big J Okerson]

Red Band used a soundboard for his parents.

[Kurt Metzger]

This is so vague, and so. It's very difficult.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I know it's hard, but I'm getting some Tommy Pope vibes right now.

[Brian Redban]

No, so that's crazy.

[Alex]

No, it's not.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's crazy. I can't tell if Kurt's playing the game phenomenally, and it's Kurt, but I know Kurt's family. This is not. I don't think they were banking at a check.

[Big J Okerson]

They were Jehovah's Witnesses. I feel like those are, like.

[Kurt Metzger]

Yeah, they hide their money in blood.

[Brian Redban]

We just buried our dead in our backyard.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. No birthdays, but you banked with banks.

[Big J Okerson]

But Jay's from a trashy family, too, and I can choose.

[Kurt Metzger]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

They never had a bank account. They had a bank. They didn't need a bank account.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, I hadn't.

[Big J Okerson]

I hadn't considered bank owners.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Not those kind of Jews.

[Brian Redban]

Right?

[Luis J. Gomez]

My parents, while not making a lot of money, were medical professionals.

[Big J Okerson]

They owned a house, too. Right? You can't own a house. I don't believe you can own a house without a bank account.

[Kurt Metzger]

You're out. Your parents were dead when you were.

[Big J Okerson]

My dad was murdered when I was 4, and my mom was.

[Brian Redban]

That sounds like not having a bank account.

[Kurt Metzger]

Yeah, you were like three kids in a trench coat open up in a bank account. Cause your fucking parents were dead.

[Alex]

I mean, you didn't buy your couches at a store. You bought it at a center. Right. Like, you rented all your furniture.

[Big J Okerson]

No, look, my mom didn't have a bank yet. This is. Is absolutely the truth. And I didn't have a bank account until after my son was born. That's genuinely a true story.

[Brian Redban]

That's how they get you.

[Big J Okerson]

But this was not my story. I'm getting. Honestly, I can see this being Big J, but I think it's. I'm getting Tommy Pope vibes.

[Kurt Metzger]

Okay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, Tommy looks frazzled, for sure, but I don't know why.

[Kurt Metzger]

I don't think I always look frazzled. And also, this is crazy.

[Brian Redban]

So you just write down our guess.

[Big J Okerson]

Now you write down your guess. You put it in the slot. Kurt, we went over the instructions at the beginning of the game.

[Brian Redban]

I know. I didn't catch it. And I was too embarrassed to ask.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Why don't you put your board in the stands?

[Brian Redban]

I got that board.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, final answer. Tommy Pope is my vote.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm going.

[Kurt Metzger]

What's his name again? The first.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like this would be too obviously me. Jay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, you keep saying it's you.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, be an idiot. Oh, come on. Come on now.

[Brian Redban]

Does it. I'm not saying. His last name is obviously.

[Big J Okerson]

Red band one for Thomas.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tommy p. I. St. Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

Tommy penis Penis Pizza.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Tommy Penis Pizza.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, Cock pizza. Tommy Cock Pizza.

[Alex]

I call him Thomas. And the pizza is because he's Italian.

[Big J Okerson]

I like it.

[Kurt Metzger]

We're having a good time.

[Brian Redban]

Mike.

[Big J Okerson]

Mike. All of our answers are in.

[Tommy Pope]

That story belongs to Big J Okerson.

[Big J Okerson]

I knew it. Now, when it's your night, let me say this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's your night.

[Big J Okerson]

Can I say, Jay, I have a real issue. They never had a bank account.

[Kurt Metzger]

Liar.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that's. I mean, that's that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And I. In my own house. On my life.

[Big J Okerson]

You can't own a house without a bank account.

[Luis J. Gomez]

On my life on your. Absolutely. From the time I lived there. I mean, when I left Joe and your mom. Yeah. I would go pick up their checks from their hospital jobs and then take it to a check cashing place and have them also, which we remember of. So they only took like 1%. And then. And then you could also pay like your phone bill and your electric bill and cable and shit there. And it was just. And they just get the rest in cash in a thing. And it would live in a drawer. Drawer cash. That's how they live their lives. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

How'd they buy it now?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't know. Maybe a windfall of cash. I have no idea. Probably something illegal. I don't have the answer.

[Brian Redban]

Or something.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Huh?

[Kurt Metzger]

There needs to be another level of this. Of this show where you. You have to take a lie detector test. Yeah, I'm not having any of this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I try to call my mom. She'll answer.

[Kurt Metzger]

And you get double.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, call your mom right now.

[Kurt Metzger]

Double the points. Double the points.

[Big J Okerson]

And Jay, mom says if she stay. Had a bank account while you were leaving.

[Kurt Metzger]

Double the points.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no. Hold on.

[Kurt Metzger]

Triple the point.

[Brian Redban]

Terry knows.

[Tommy Pope]

Terry.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

So call your mom right now. If she had A bank account? Jay, should we disqualify this round of your points? If she had. If she had a bank account, sure.

[Kurt Metzger]

Speaker.

[Big J Okerson]

Speakerphone.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Well, can I get her on the first.

[Kurt Metzger]

No, no, no.

[Big J Okerson]

How does she answer the phone? She's like, oh, I'm so horny. Jay, I'm so glad you called me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She's probably sleeping.

[Big J Okerson]

J.

[Kurt Metzger]

Being older and getting a call from your son.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, mom, speakerphone.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna put you on speakerphone real quick. You're. You're on my phone in front of a couple hundred people. But. But I told.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Put her on speakerphone.

[Big J Okerson]

Piece of shit. Yeah, and let me ask. Let me ask a question.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah. No. Let me speak to her. No.

[Big J Okerson]

Why?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'll say. Exactly. If you have a problem with the way I said it, you can correct me.

[Big J Okerson]

No, but if I correct you, can.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I speak to my mother? We just woke. We just woke this lady up. And please, she's being a good sport. Mom. Hi.

[Alex]

Hi.

[Kurt Metzger]

Is that her?

[Brian Redban]

Hey, Terry. It's good.

[Big J Okerson]

No, ask her.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Don't leave her.

[Big J Okerson]

Question. Don't.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Kurt's here. Kurt?

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Metzger. Kurt.

[Alex]

Hey.

[Big J Okerson]

Hi, Kurt.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Hey, Terry.

[Big J Okerson]

Lewis. Lewis is also here.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, Lewis is here, too. I forgot.

[Big J Okerson]

Hi, Lewis. Hi. Hi, babe.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's not a sultry.

[Big J Okerson]

Red's here, so hold on. Don't lead, don't lead.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I promise you, I won't lead.

[Big J Okerson]

Just ask her a very blank question. Blank slate question. Don't tell her anything.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can I tell her the story I told her?

[Kurt Metzger]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

Why don't I just read what I wrote? No, I want you to just ask her a clear question. Don't say anything else. Just ask a question.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Okay, mom, put it to the. Up until the time that I left, the house was gone, there was no bank account in the household. Everything. Was I.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no, no. Ask a simple question. You're leading. Can I ask a question? Please?

[Luis J. Gomez]

The story I wrote is my.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no. Stop. No, no. Stop, stop, stop.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What, are you gonna dick around?

[Big J Okerson]

You're leading the fucking question right now. I know what you're doing. Is he not leading the witness? He is. You're. You're. Let me ask the question.

[Kurt Metzger]

Overruled.

[Big J Okerson]

Terry, how are you tonight? What?

[Luis J. Gomez]

She doesn't speak Spanish, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Terry. Terry.

[Kurt Metzger]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

Up until Big J moved out of.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The house, he calls me Jay J.

[Big J Okerson]

Up until your little Baby J moved out of the house, did you or.

[Brian Redban]

She called you Big Jason.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I love you, Mom. Hang on.

[Brian Redban]

Did me or what?

[Big J Okerson]

Did you or your husband have an Actual bank account.

[Kurt Metzger]

Up until the time that Jay moved.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Kurt Metzger]

Going to say no.

[Big J Okerson]

You. You. You're a bad mother.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You just killed it, Mom. You did great. Thank you.

[Kurt Metzger]

Oh, my God.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I love you.

[Kurt Metzger]

That was beautiful.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I love you. I'll call you tomorrow.

[Kurt Metzger]

That was beautiful.

[Brian Redban]

Terry.

[Kurt Metzger]

That was beautiful.

[Brian Redban]

Suspense.

[Kurt Metzger]

Did not see that coming.

[Brian Redban]

She heaved a big sigh before she said the answer.

[Kurt Metzger]

The suspense.

[Brian Redban]

She had no idea what the fuck it was.

[Kurt Metzger]

Let's stop doing the rest of the show.

[Brian Redban]

What did she want be Matt? What did she think happened? I want to say no.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Why would everybody be so excited for our last of a bank account?

[Kurt Metzger]

Oh my.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was a smart move when I was a kid. You know, as soon as she just.

[Big J Okerson]

Thought that was a dream, by the way, she's like, did Jay call me.

[Kurt Metzger]

Last night with a scream?

[Big J Okerson]

Sounds like a dream.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Impossible.

[Brian Redban]

That's what it sounds like.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Very possible.

[Kurt Metzger]

I haven't talked to my son in a while.

[Brian Redban]

I dreamt you asked if I had a bank and everyone cheered when I said no.

[Big J Okerson]

What a crazy dream.

[Kurt Metzger]

That's how Jews get to heaven, dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Dude. But they were smart to get me. I started driving and you can't wait to drive a ton. So they would go on payday. They go, go to the hospital, pick up our paychecks, go to the check cashing place.

[Brian Redban]

Yo, I gotta have kids to get like, pick up the mail and shit.

[Kurt Metzger]

I gotta get a mom that picks up the phone when it calls.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Kurt Metzger]

That's fucking nuts. What time is it?

[Big J Okerson]

Jay just cleaned the fuck up. And I will say, I mean, well, you know what? Nobody can say it. Jay won the earlier show tonight. First time. I mean, first time in 35 episodes that he's won a show. And now he is way ahead of everybody. Mike, tell us our point spread right now.

[Brian Redban]

Never go to war with Jay. When a cookbook's on the line.

[Big J Okerson]

It'S.

[Brian Redban]

One of the greatest blunders.

[Luis J. Gomez]

A book of food. A food book.

[Kurt Metzger]

Shut up, motherfuckers. Ready to go.

[Big J Okerson]

A. Mike, where are our points at?

[Tommy Pope]

Jay fooled all four people, so Jay has four points.

[Kurt Metzger]

Damn.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's take a quick moment and thank Body Brain Coffee for supporting today's show. Body Brain Coffee is my brand. Full disclosure. And I'll tell you right now, I wouldn't be able to. I wouldn't be able to come out here and battle with the best story warriors on the planet if I wasn't fueled up on Body Brain Coffee.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm fueled up on it. Why do I suck Shit, so much.

[Big J Okerson]

Story wars is all about battling it out with your brain and your balls. And if you're running low on either, we've got that fixed. It is testosterone forward coffee. Designed for dudes who want to think faster, hit harder and fuck smarter. It's packed with Tonga and Ali for natural testosterone support.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Do you know that Tongkat Ali is my favorite? Jean Claude Van Damme villain kickboxer Ashwagandh.

[Big J Okerson]

Chill the hell out Lion's Man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You know Ashwagandha is my favorite place to back panthers from Lion's Man.

[Big J Okerson]

To boost your brain and healthy eating to keep you focus your focus sharp. Without the crash and the coffee. It's not some dusty mushroom dirt water. It's bold. Premium Colombian freeze dried coffee that actually tastes amazing.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Lewis, I gotta work on jokes for Lion's Mane and L Theanine.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, drink some more Body brain coffee. Your brain's going to fire on all functions. So right now go to bodybraincoffee.com and use the promo code WAR15 for 15% off. That is WAR15 for 15% [e-mail] Level up your brain. Unleash your balls.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna unleash them on you.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, where were we? Mike? Story number two.

[Tommy Pope]

Story number two.

[Kurt Metzger]

She answered. Dude.

[Brian Redban]

I haven't talked to Jay's mom in years.

[Kurt Metzger]

My mom would hit her at noon.

[Tommy Pope]

I sold my entire comic collection to pay for an abortion.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jesus Christ.

[Tommy Pope]

There's more.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jesus fucking Christ.

[Tommy Pope]

She joined AA years later and called me up out of the blue to tell me she was never pregnant and the money was for meth.

[Brian Redban]

I already know. I already know. I already know.

[Big J Okerson]

Hold on. Wait a minute. Is this my father's story?

[Brian Redban]

I already know the answer.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Is this like a dark side of Red Band I never saw coming?

[Big J Okerson]

This could be.

[Kurt Metzger]

I mean, this guy complimented my cologne. You think I'd be in this cesspool of retardation?

[Big J Okerson]

Your comic book collection does scream Red band. Or Metzger. I can see Metzger.

[Alex]

I see Metzger 100. He's wearing that hat.

[Brian Redban]

No. It could be. But that's a Red Band story if I ever heard one.

[Kurt Metzger]

That's red. Red band's coming out hot.

[Brian Redban]

I'd say pay for your own abortion, bitch.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Red Band out.

[Big J Okerson]

Red bond, Red bone.

[Alex]

Hey, I was into comics, but I would never sell it for a woman.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, you would. I'm not waiting for an abortion.

[Kurt Metzger]

I already know I'm not waiting. Let's see.

[Brian Redban]

I can already see the abortion math in Your head.

[Big J Okerson]

Guys, don't be so quick to vote. We can riff a little. Everyone remember the game.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They're like, fuck that. This guy, I don't care. Podcast still guys, moving on to comedy show. First and foremost, I know everybody gets hung up on the winning opportunity to.

[Kurt Metzger]

Call my mother and eat up seven minutes.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, you should call this story mom show. We should call her mom.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Get to it. Let's get to it.

[Kurt Metzger]

Sentinel Mom.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, it's just Lewis wasn't a comic books guy. I wasn't a comic book collector.

[Big J Okerson]

Never.

[Brian Redban]

I was.

[Big J Okerson]

Not once in my life have I ever had a girl have an abortion.

[Brian Redban]

They did it without you wanting them to.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He refused to pay.

[Big J Okerson]

One pregnancy, one child.

[Alex]

How many miscarriages?

[Big J Okerson]

I, I, I've super kicked a couple in the stomach.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But Lewis said, your body, your problem. You have full autonomy over handling this yourself.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay never had comic books. Unquestionably not enough to sell abortion. That's a lot of problems.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All my abortions were cash. Cash is king at the abortion clinic.

[Brian Redban]

I don't.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Look, they tell you that. Yeah, they tell you that when you go.

[Kurt Metzger]

After hearing that mom voice.

[Brian Redban]

Me, I'm a stem cell man. So I talk to him round back. It's like Landman, but of stem cell Land man.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, Red Band, please defend yourself.

[Brian Redban]

Here.

[Big J Okerson]

Is this, this has to be you.

[Alex]

No, I mean, I, I used to collect a little bit of comics.

[Brian Redban]

It's him. It's him. Guilty.

[Alex]

No, but it was like literally when I was in high school.

[Big J Okerson]

Have you ever had a girl have an abortion?

[Alex]

Oh, many times.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I mean, I have seven ghost babies right here.

[Big J Okerson]

These lights like that, they're floaters.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. This is a story, though. Red Band. This is a good story. You, instead of being a murderer, you just paid for a good time.

[Alex]

No, no, I'm just kidding. It's all fake. Wow. I'm just looking.

[Brian Redban]

I collected writing. I mean, yeah, I had comics, but I know it ain't me, so it's gotta be Red Band, dude.

[Kurt Metzger]

Self massacre.

[Big J Okerson]

Red Band. You can't, you can't vote for yourself.

[Kurt Metzger]

Dude.

[Big J Okerson]

He voted last red van. And that's a grave that says baby.

[Kurt Metzger]

If it's not him, you, you'll be in me in the, the top two. What?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Let's go ahead.

[Big J Okerson]

You know, you don't get points for voting for yourself.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I did.

[Brian Redban]

You vote for yourself.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You can't do that. It's against, it's against the story wars rules.

[Alex]

I don't want the cookbook. I got the Internet.

[Big J Okerson]

Mike. All of our answers are in that.

[Tommy Pope]

Story belongs to Brian Redburn.

[Big J Okerson]

Of course it does.

[Alex]

20 years of comic books, every Spider man, everything.

[Brian Redban]

We should get points for saying it first because I said it first. Shut up.

[Big J Okerson]

So, Redband, what happened here? Who was this? Who was this absolute monster of a woman?

[Alex]

I. I went through the Grateful Dead phase in college and she was a hippie. We used to sell acid and grilled cheese and nitrous together.

[Brian Redban]

Nice.

[Alex]

We used to go to Canada, get these big giant nitrous tanks too.

[Luis J. Gomez]

For 20, you definitely put a baby in that.

[Brian Redban]

We didn't Remember when I went to. I've been to six Fish concerts, but I've never seen fish. I just went to the parking lot. To buy opium. Yeah, it's the only place you get opium.

[Big J Okerson]

This is a crazy thing to be. Nobody, nobody tries to buy opium, dude.

[Brian Redban]

Well, you should if you had a.

[Alex]

Pretty badass back in the day.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Really? What are you, a fucking Native American? It's a weird purge. It's like peyote, dude.

[Brian Redban]

If you get it, I say do.

[Alex]

It, do it, do it. It's not that crazy. We used to do it all the time.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, it's.

[Big J Okerson]

Can we get Red Band?

[Brian Redban]

Don't do the things you do.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't want Red Band to clean his sign with his hands anymore. It's bothering me.

[Brian Redban]

Was he using his hands?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, like a psycho.

[Alex]

I don't give a.

[Kurt Metzger]

Just a portion.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, he's trying to wash the blood.

[Kurt Metzger]

Just dead babies, they never get clean. Is it DNA of all my dead kids?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Did you tell when they were haggling price of what they were going to pay for your comic books for an abortion, man?

[Big J Okerson]

Come on.

[Alex]

For a guy, this was like, like 30 years ago.

[Brian Redban]

So, like, is this a Kevin Smith movie?

[Alex]

No, but it was like. I remember it being like 2 to 300 back then. And they give me 400 for my whole. I mean, I'm talking like 10,000 comics. Every single good comp, right? It would be worth over like abortion. Like 200, $300.

[Brian Redban]

Like, oh, this is a long time ago, dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Less than a PlayStation 5.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but I didn't go with more fun than a PlayStation 5.

[Luis J. Gomez]

True that.

[Kurt Metzger]

What are we talking about?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, what's weird was.

[Kurt Metzger]

Are we talking about.

[Big J Okerson]

We were.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Me and Lewis were kidding, but I feel like abortion has really affected a lot of people in this room.

[Kurt Metzger]

Is that what we're doing right now?

[Alex]

We're talking about Tyrone?

[Kurt Metzger]

Next question.

[Brian Redban]

Guys, talking about. Talk about becoming a man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Guys, I'm calling Terry, what is going on?

[Brian Redban]

That's a right of passing is what that is.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This seems like a job for Terry.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, or I'm sorry, Mike. Where are points at? This is chaos.

[Brian Redban]

I think everyone should lose points for that.

[Tommy Pope]

We have Lewis, Tommy, and Kurt with two points each. And in the lead with six points, Big J Okerson.

[Brian Redban]

God damn it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, I'm a runaway train at this point.

[Brian Redban]

You better make that casserole for me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Austin's finest casserole.

[Big J Okerson]

Story number three, his cookbook, Family is nuts.

[Tommy Pope]

Story number three, I stole money out of a stranger's car and weaponed my friends to an amusement park with it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Lewis is right. The audience said it.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, we're all thinking it.

[Brian Redban]

This is.

[Big J Okerson]

This is such a benign story. This could be anybody.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's what a Puerto Rican was.

[Brian Redban]

That's very suspicious.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. He's like, well, it wasn't a violent robbery. I could have cut.

[Brian Redban]

Why would you say that? I thought it could be anybody until you said that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Louis, you're an unscrupulous who would just go opening doors and see if you can steal money out of it. For sure.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, who didn't do that as a kid?

[Kurt Metzger]

Yeah. I mean, 100%.

[Brian Redban]

If you interview.

[Big J Okerson]

If you didn't steal money out of cars when you were a kid.

[Kurt Metzger]

One open doors.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait, everybody miss.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You stole money out of cars when you were a kid? I don't think they understood the question because no one in here clapped.

[Brian Redban]

Clap if you did do that.

[Kurt Metzger]

This is Texas.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a very common thing.

[Brian Redban]

I mean, it's about half a.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Was it common?

[Big J Okerson]

That was a decent amount of people.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That was patchy at best. Most people didn't. Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't think Jay would have the balls to steal money out of a car.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Is that what the problem is? Balls?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, balls.

[Luis J. Gomez]

How about scruples or class?

[Big J Okerson]

Aren't scruples balls?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Or my scruples?

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, someone kick me in my scruples.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, I'm gonna drag my scruples across your face, you keep this up all night.

[Brian Redban]

You got a lot of scruples talking.

[Luis J. Gomez]

To me like that. You got a big old fucking fencet of scruples coming in here with that hat, boy.

[Big J Okerson]

Tommy, did you steal as a kid?

[Kurt Metzger]

Yes. The first time I've ever ste stolen was from a wawa. I took. I took little, you know, penny candies.

[Alex]

A couple of newspapers.

[Kurt Metzger]

Red, Red, let me finish. I would steal handfuls of penny candies and I shove them in my. My jeans. And my mom would take Me back to the To Wawa and say, you got to pay for this.

[Big J Okerson]

Call your mom right now. I want to verify this story.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Get her on the horn.

[Kurt Metzger]

Let me tell you. You know what? I will. I'll take an attempt at this.

[Big J Okerson]

Call your mom. I want to think she answers.

[Kurt Metzger]

Bro, here's what's bananas about this. I'm going to eat up a lot of time and I don't want to do this. My dad just got his kidney removed. Cancer.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, cancer.

[Brian Redban]

Is that good or bad?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I thought you were going to say, like he woke up in an iced. In a bathtub of ice.

[Brian Redban]

Was it in Thailand?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, my dad got kidnapped and had his kidney taken.

[Kurt Metzger]

Guys, I'm gonna call my fucking mom.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Just, you know, no pressure.

[Kurt Metzger]

Tommy awake, she's a 12 hour night nurse.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Listen, I'm not putting any pressure on you. I just want to. If I called my mother again right now, she'd answer all over again.

[Brian Redban]

I think mine would too. Let me just call my mom instead.

[Kurt Metzger]

First of all, I don't believe what just happened. I think Alex answered that going, whoa, no, no, don't do it. Don't do it. Don't. Let me call my mom.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I was gonna show you my call.

[Kurt Metzger]

Let me see what happens. This is gonna be fucking nuts. And also, she's not gonna answer.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Mama Pope. She's making the sauce now.

[Brian Redban]

She's probably stirring gravy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, she's Irish. She's making the. She's boiling the.

[Brian Redban]

She's got a crock pot. Set it and forget it.

[Kurt Metzger]

That's Mom Papille.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Crock pot.

[Brian Redban]

That's what alcoholics cook with crock pot. Because you could pass out and just leave.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, a little for me, little for the pot roast.

[Kurt Metzger]

Yeah. See, your call has been forwarded to police.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, she did it.

[Big J Okerson]

She did it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She deaded it.

[Kurt Metzger]

No, that's actually a good woman. That's a good woman.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She deaded it.

[Kurt Metzger]

No, she already did it. I'm 45. If I have a child and my child tries to call me at this hour, it's almost midnight.

[Brian Redban]

What is it?

[Kurt Metzger]

I'd be so disgusted. I'd be like, grow up.

[Brian Redban]

Well, I would think there was an accident with my child probably at two.

[Kurt Metzger]

Yeah. But who gives a. At that point, there's three of us. One dies and.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you. Did you steal. Did you steal when you were younger?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, but not out of strangers cars. It's just like a weird. Like the juice ain't worth the squeeze, right?

[Alex]

That's like stickball.

[Kurt Metzger]

The juice ain't worth it.

[Brian Redban]

Juice. Juice. Not the juice. Oh, my God.

[Big J Okerson]

Calm down, Dave Smith.

[Kurt Metzger]

The Jews ain't worth the squish.

[Brian Redban]

Dave Smith, you understand?

[Alex]

Locks it in.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Also, who had teenage access to an amusement park?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. There was no amusement. I wouldn't go to 6 11, literally, until I was 19 years old.

[Brian Redban]

You could pay with change at the amusement. It was at an amusement park. Really?

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Brian Redban]

What if you could pay with a stranger's change?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, I don't know if they said it was changed.

[Big J Okerson]

I've talked.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I was assuming it was cash.

[Big J Okerson]

I haven't.

[Brian Redban]

How much you dig?

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't go to. I didn't go to Six Flags until I was 19 years old.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That doesn't matter. You might have went to, like, a different one.

[Brian Redban]

Does Six Flags have a jail? Like Disney?

[Big J Okerson]

Six Flags Will. They will. Didn't Alex. Did you get banned from Six Flags?

[Kurt Metzger]

Yes, I did.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex got caught with weed trying to go into Six Flags when we all went on a big company trip and we had, like, literally, they were so bad at it. She just came back, like, 10 minutes later to a different gate, and they let her in. Yeah, but it was the whole thing.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Miss, were you the. They were like, Were you the lady come back? Were you the lady with the weed? And she went, brains. I need brains.

[Alex]

Lewis might be somebody that thinks fairs are immune amusement parks, though. Like, he goes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's Puerto Rican, and he does call car. He calls carnivals amusement parks.

[Big J Okerson]

That's not an amusement park. And if somebody did write that and it's a carnival, then that doesn't count as points for them.

[Brian Redban]

I'm honestly, Tommy.

[Big J Okerson]

Tommy chose Kurt. I feel like that makes no sense.

[Brian Redban]

Lewis was so suspicious. I think it's a trick.

[Big J Okerson]

You guys are retarded.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Am I now? Also, you can't say that word anymore.

[Brian Redban]

You cover him for Jay or Redbay.

[Big J Okerson]

I think the fact that Tommy chose Kurt is telling, and I think it's Tommy.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, shit.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Why would you choose Kurt?

[Brian Redban]

Oh, the Puerto Rican rattlesnake.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Why'd you give him a towel? Fuck.

[Big J Okerson]

Tommy Post is the answer.

[Brian Redban]

Yo, I'm gonna go with Dewis. Jay Gomez on this one.

[Big J Okerson]

You're an idiot, dude.

[Kurt Metzger]

That's a good one. It's a good one.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, he's right. He's going with your choice, ain't Tommy.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, he's going with me.

[Kurt Metzger]

That's a real good one.

[Brian Redban]

Tommy's. His mother's not awake when he wants to talk to her.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Fuck.

[Kurt Metzger]

Shut the fuck up.

[Big J Okerson]

Because she disowned him. After he stole money out of a stranger's car and went to an amusement park.

[Brian Redban]

He probably just wanted to show off.

[Kurt Metzger]

I'm not saying I didn't, but that wasn't my story.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Everybody's locked in G, Mike.

[Brian Redban]

If I'm wrong, he's Louis. But.

[Tommy Pope]

That story belongs to Louis J. Gomez.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, bitten by the rattlesnake. You gotta watch that. Rattlesnake.

[Kurt Metzger]

This show sucks. I'm having no fun.

[Brian Redban]

Called my mom, I think.

[Kurt Metzger]

Didn't answer. I don't know.

[Brian Redban]

You know what? I think it was subconscious because he put my name that I was like.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, must be this guy. Yeah, that. Well, that was a good play on my end.

[Kurt Metzger]

All right, next question.

[Big J Okerson]

So hold on. Let me tell the story.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What was the amusement.

[Brian Redban]

Give me your hands to clean this up.

[Big J Okerson]

This is when I was, like, maybe 11. Me and my friends would regularly just break into cars in the supermarket parking lots and clear out all the change. And this one time, we were walking by, like, a pickup truck outside of, like, just some store, and we saw a brown paper bag on the front seat, and we're like, all right, let's just grab that. See what it is. We grabbed it and there was 2 or 3100 bills in the bag along with some other shit, like some magazines or whatever. And. Yeah, me and my. It was me, my friend Mike and his older brother, Sergeant. And then Serge took all of the money and gave.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Serge?

[Big J Okerson]

Serge? Yeah. Sergio.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. That's what you call a guy named Sergio?

[Big J Okerson]

Serge.

[Brian Redban]

Serge.

[Big J Okerson]

Serge Tankian. You've heard the name, Serge?

[Brian Redban]

Never. Not like you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I didn't grow up with a bunch of Serges.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a name, Jay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, from the guy from System of a Down.

[Big J Okerson]

But there's a lot of surges out there, all right?

[Alex]

He protected me, so.

[Big J Okerson]

No, but his older brother gave us $20 each and kept the rest of the money for himself because he was, like, three years older than us, and we couldn't do anything about it.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And then I took that $20 bill and I went to Rye Playland. It was during my summer camp days. Rye Playland, folks, Home of the Dragon coaster.

[Brian Redban]

That's like in Mad Max when Mad Max goes in the old amusement park and the weird mutant dragon ride.

[Big J Okerson]

Mike, where are our points at?

[Tommy Pope]

On the scoreboard we have Brian Redband, Tommy Pope, and Kurt Metzger with two points each.

[Brian Redban]

I suck at this game.

[Tommy Pope]

This game stops in second place with four points, Luis J. Gomez and in the lead with eight points.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Tommy Pope]

Big J Okas.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

I bet Jay's going to be working some real magic in the kitchen pretty soon.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You have no idea, buddy.

[Alex]

You guys have to win every game. This is just.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I've won five times out of like 50 some odd games.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I've.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Lewis has won a bunch.

[Big J Okerson]

I won a lot.

[Kurt Metzger]

You keep telling your own stories.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, let's take a quick moment and thank Mando for supporting today's show. Mando is total body deodorant. Not just for your pits, but everywhere. Your balls, your grundle, your belly button, your flaps, your folds, your ass crack. Anywhere you could possibly stink or sweat. Mando has you covered. Genuinely incredible products. I use exclusively Mando at this point in my life. My son, 12 years old, he's exclusively using Mando because his mom doesn't like any of the bullshit parabens or weird aluminums that come in most other deodorants. This is a better thing to put on your body for the long run.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Sorry, dude. I was just buried in your ass crack. It smells delicious down there. Was that Clover woods or Mount Fiji? I haven't memorized them yet.

[Brian Redban]

That was Mount Fiji.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Mando's starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick Deodorant. Creep Tune Deodorant. Two free products of your choice, like mini body wash and deodorant wipes. And free shipping. As a special offer for Story wars fans. New customers get 20% off site wide with our exclusive Code wars with a [e-mail] that's 20% off site wide and free shipping at S H O P M A N D O. Shopmando.com Code Wars W A R Z. Support the show. Tell them we sent you. Mando's got you covered. Protect your pits. Smell great doing it. Now if you don't mind me, I'm going back to business.

[Big J Okerson]

Where were we? Oh, no, Mike. Story number four.

[Tommy Pope]

Story number four. One of my parents thought they became a millionaire from a Publisher's Clearinghouse envelope.

[Big J Okerson]

Big J or Tommy?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, don't keep in mind Kurt's parents believed in Jehovah's Witness shit.

[Brian Redban]

So they could have believed Michael Jackson. The great Michael Jackson.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You know? I mean, Kurt's parents were duped easy.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Suburban, right?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Suburban.

[Alex]

Avon. You and Avon.

[Brian Redban]

My parents were under 60, though.

[Kurt Metzger]

I like this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but I mean, it's a bit.

[Brian Redban]

Of a Nigerian email scam, that thing.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I met your mom and she would love to meet Ed McMahon.

[Brian Redban]

What'd you say?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I met your mom and she would love to meet Ed McMahon.

[Brian Redban]

I don't know about that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That would be top of the dream.

[Brian Redban]

You know what she does? She listens. She's gonna watch it. Oh, like she'll ask about comics. I know. How's Jet. How's. Or ones. I don't know that well. How's Theo Vaughn? She'll give a. About Ed McMahon.

[Big J Okerson]

She.

[Brian Redban]

My mom's crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

Whose parents.

[Brian Redban]

She's a real talented man.

[Big J Okerson]

Whose parents do we think. Whose parents do we think are dumb as what? Because whoever's parents this is.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, Ohio people could really shut the. Some Publishers Clearinghouse for sure. Really? It's like they're gonna pull up one day.

[Kurt Metzger]

It's a good question.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it's a good one of my parents.

[Kurt Metzger]

It comes down to intellect at this point.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like this also a dad thing. Like dad.

[Brian Redban]

That's true.

[Big J Okerson]

This feels like a dad.

[Brian Redban]

That is a dad thing.

[Big J Okerson]

Absolutely.

[Alex]

He bought the CD player, I think.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Single mom.

[Big J Okerson]

Single mom.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Single mom waiting for when real Prince Charming isn't coming. You think the government Prince Charming is gonna come and get you out of this?

[Kurt Metzger]

With a stupid father that beat the fuck out of you when you were like, weak? He's not gonna believe in these schemes.

[Brian Redban]

You know what's really sad?

[Kurt Metzger]

It takes his time. Why? Your father, like an aggressive father, would never put up with this shit.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No. Fathers are the ones who are supposed to get mad at your. Your mom believing in Publishers Clearinghouse. Yeah.

[Kurt Metzger]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She said, we're gonna win this. And he goes, you're gonna let some. You think some company's gonna come save you from me and my abuse show up with it?

[Kurt Metzger]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

You know what I find?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, keep dreaming. You think Ed McMahon's gonna come out of his ivory tower to save you? You getting fat, bitch?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Well, now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I wish you would. I bought you try to get help. I'll kill you. I'll kill your whole family. Like I told you when I first met you, I'll kill your whole family.

[Kurt Metzger]

I bought you a treadmill for Christmas. You just hang wet clothes over it, you tubby pile of dump.

[Luis J. Gomez]

When's it your fault, you dump of.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, so it's either Jake or Tommy. Both, I guess, is what I'm.

[Kurt Metzger]

No, we're just saying facts.

[Alex]

This is a low watt brain. Anyone that thought that they won this much money has a horrible kid. That's really stupid. That uses a bunch of drugs to write good.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, that narrows it down.

[Alex]

And his party.

[Kurt Metzger]

You gotta let us guess first.

[Brian Redban]

You know what I find sad about this story? That was at least Ed McMahon. Now it's all Indians doing these scams. Oh, those jobs are gone now at publishers.

[Kurt Metzger]

Click.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're gonna star searches Ed McMahon.

[Kurt Metzger]

I like that they're out there pretending.

[Brian Redban]

To be AI sending out fucking publishers.

[Big J Okerson]

Tommy. Tommy, is this your story?

[Kurt Metzger]

What?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think it's.

[Kurt Metzger]

Tommy, if. Imagine.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Imagine.

[Kurt Metzger]

Imagine my parents.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm imagining it and I'm writing.

[Kurt Metzger]

Your name would never.

[Big J Okerson]

I think that's why your mom didn't answer. Your mom is currently.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She's right now Gary's filling out a form.

[Kurt Metzger]

That's why she didn't answer me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She's giving all of her data right now.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, I'm putting TP because of how Tommy Pope said imagine.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tommy, I can't answer the phone right now. I'm getting three free months of Apple Television.

[Big J Okerson]

Tommy Pope is my answer.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, this is Tommy Pope written all over. Eat.

[Kurt Metzger]

Which one of you Dumber.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Who'd you say? Brian.

[Kurt Metzger]

What's that?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Kurt Metzger? Yeah, it's possible.

[Brian Redban]

I mean, it's possible, but.

[Kurt Metzger]

You just sold yourself.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You showed your ass. Red band.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, rb.

[Kurt Metzger]

He's screwed now. Aren't you?

[Alex]

Let me jerk you off when they tell you the answer.

[Big J Okerson]

Mike, all of our answers are in.

[Tommy Pope]

That story belongs to Kurt Metzger.

[Kurt Metzger]

I knew it was one of you. I knew it was one of them.

[Big J Okerson]

Kurt, I didn't know your mom was such a stupid.

[Brian Redban]

Not my mom.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, it was a dad.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was your dad.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, I'm gonna tell you this straight up. It is one of the crazy. I was 12. 12 years old.

[Kurt Metzger]

Yes.

[Alex]

No.

[Kurt Metzger]

Yes. Dude.

[Brian Redban]

Everybody else, she doesn't have to verify anything. I'm gonna tell you the story.

[Big J Okerson]

Please.

[Brian Redban]

My dad has an office he built in the garage, right? He goes. He calls me. He goes, kurt, listen, I just found out I'm a millionaire. So I'm like, oh, cool. Like, I'm like, oh, cool. He goes, yeah, don't tell your mom yet. Okay? Now, I'm in sixth grade, I'm in 12. I look in his hand and he's holding a Publisher's Clearinghouse envelope that says, you are definitely a millionaire. So if you remember, publishers cleaning house, they got in trouble cause some old lady sued them because they would write on the envelopes that you've already won a million dollars. It's done. You have it. But then you just like buy magazines. It's like a Nigerian print scam, but with magazines. So I knew what that was at 12. And I was like, oh, yeah, don't worry, I won't tell mom. You should neither or anybody else this. You never spoke of it ever again. You figured it out pretty quick because he died. We never talked about it one time, as we shouldn't.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Not before he shared it with you once. God damn it.

[Big J Okerson]

That's so funny.

[Brian Redban]

Mike.

[Big J Okerson]

Where are our points at after four stories? Halfway. Halfway through the game.

[Tommy Pope]

On the board, with two points, Tommy Pope. With four points each, Lewis J. Gomez and Brian Redband. With five points, Kurt Metzger.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, coming back for that cookbook.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Tommy Pope]

And in the lead with eight points, Big J Okerson.

[Big J Okerson]

They're so behind you. God damn, they're so.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can you imagine if I win a.

[Big J Okerson]

Double header, Dude, Wow, that'd be crazy.

[Kurt Metzger]

Don't I get points for deflecting, kid?

[Alex]

The last round doesn't have more points.

[Big J Okerson]

Or when you say we're going to go to.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Relax.

[Big J Okerson]

Jesus Christ. I've never seen a more unruly panel. We're halfway through the game. Let's do plugs real quick. And then we have four more stories. Guys, it's anybody's game. What are you plugging?

[Brian Redban]

My new podcast. The Derp with Kirp is coming up.

[Big J Okerson]

Hell yeah, dude. Check out the Derp with Kirp.

[Kurt Metzger]

Yeah, Tommy, it's Stuff Island.

[Big J Okerson]

Hell yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Red Band.

[Alex]

I have an AI band where I play a woman. It's called Cat Bread music.

[Big J Okerson]

Hell yeah, dude.

[Brian Redban]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

This is the most psychotic panel we've ever had in the history of the show. It's fucking nuts, but I love it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Big J. BigJayComedy.com for all my dates all over. Peter North American tour coming on a city near you. If you get it, you get it. Of course. Listen to the bonfire five days a week. Faction talk, Sirius XM103 with me and the great Robert Kelly. My special is them. They both available on YouTube and of course right here on the Gas Digital Network. The legendary Legion of Skanks.

[Big J Okerson]

Come see me on the road, guys. I'm tipping a special July 12th in Tampa. Those. Those shows are already sold out. But my July 10th and 11th shows at side Splitters still have tickets available. So come watch me warm up for that. Then a bunch of other stuff coming up in August. I got Magoobie's Yoke house in Timonium, Maryland. Kansas City's coming up. Providence, Rhode Island, Portland, Maine, and many more. Louisofs.com is a website. Check out all the other pods. I don't know what happened. All the other parts. Legion of Skanks. The regs. Subscribe to Gas Digital if you love this Show. You should know that we pre release the show every Monday night just for subscribers ad free and uncensored. There's about 25 episodes that aren't available on YouTube or anywhere else anymore. We have thousands of hours of content available just for Gas digital subscribers. All ad free, all uncensored, all in one place. Plus, join the racist live chat, which is the most fun live chat in the world. Gas digital.com use that promo code war. And I have a book that I just wrote. It's coming out December 2nd. It is available for pre order right now. Just go to Amazon. Look for Luis Shagoma's knives and spoons.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's a pop up book.

[Big J Okerson]

Coloring book.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, now, Brian, you were getting a little worried there, saying maybe there's got to be a way to mix the game a little bit, shake things up. Tommy's freaking out, and you are freaking out. Tommy's flat out freaking out. He's like, why did I come? This game's over. But it's not over.

[Kurt Metzger]

I don't think it's over. I was just asking. I thought you get points for people guessing incorrectly your name.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No. But for the final four stories, you do get double points.

[Kurt Metzger]

That was nuts. Now I get it. Now I understand the show. Can we start over?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, listen, there is a B.

[Kurt Metzger]

That was amazing, dude. It was.

[Luis J. Gomez]

There is. We're not starting over. Tommy.

[Kurt Metzger]

Great time right there.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We're not starting over. But there is a bit of a reset now because whereas before, if you fooled somebody, you got one point, and if you guessed the right person, you got two points. Now that moves up to double points.

[Brian Redban]

Tommy, does it feel like your mom picking up the phone when you call?

[Kurt Metzger]

Damn, that was fun.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Kurt Metzger]

Can I have another drink? I'm dead serious.

[Brian Redban]

Can I have a. A white claw, please?

[Big J Okerson]

Mike, it's time for story number five.

[Alex]

Can I get a sprinter?

[Tommy Pope]

Story number five. In high school, we would drink on a golf course, then get breakfast at a diner next door. A few of my friends would pretend to use the bathroom and beat the check. Finally, they caught on, and as we got up to use the restroom, they locked the doors and called the cops to arrest us.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tommy Pope.

[Big J Okerson]

Why?

[Kurt Metzger]

Because it's cool.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Yeah. Kind of. Sort of. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Sounds like the plot of Caddyshack in a roundabout way.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Kurt Metzger]

Comic book stories.

[Brian Redban]

Were you the guy that threatened the Irish kid in Caddyshack?

[Alex]

You have a T shirt on that has a big collar, like you're hiding wearing a collared shirt with a T shirt. Look how Long. That collar shirt.

[Kurt Metzger]

I want him to leave right in a glass. No, just a bourbon, whiskey, whatever.

[Alex]

Turkey, fig, ginger.

[Kurt Metzger]

Okay. Hard reset.

[Big J Okerson]

Tommy, I. I am getting Tommy Pope vibes here.

[Kurt Metzger]

Of course it's fucking. Why of course it's me.

[Big J Okerson]

No, Tommy, of course.

[Kurt Metzger]

I love that. Having a good time with my boys, getting up on a golf course, going to a diner, getting arrested with my God forbid. Have a little fun as a teenager.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This could. This could be an Ohio story.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, because remember, Brian said he's. He was rich. I mean, it sounds like a thing that happens.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I think Tommy pretty much just admitted that it was him. What are we ignoring right now?

[Brian Redban]

Tommy's a tricky one.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think he's picking up the game. He's playing the game.

[Big J Okerson]

He's playing the game like a day go.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Dumb dago.

[Big J Okerson]

Julox. Who do you think it is?

[Kurt Metzger]

No. Yeah. No, this is sounds time. I wish.

[Alex]

Yeah, it's Kurt. It's Kurt again.

[Kurt Metzger]

No, it's me.

[Alex]

It's Kurt again.

[Kurt Metzger]

It's 100.

[Alex]

I mean, I could see what that had on.

[Kurt Metzger]

It's one.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't feel like Kurt was like a drinker in high school.

[Brian Redban]

Well, they said I.

[Big J Okerson]

And then it turns Tommy. Tommy was partying. Tommy's. Tommy's been a cool guy for a long time.

[Kurt Metzger]

That's me.

[Brian Redban]

Brain Red Bang. That's my final answer.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like Tommy is being as honest as possible and we're all ignoring him. You want some points?

[Kurt Metzger]

You want some fucking points? I'm gonna call my mom again. That's me. Because if Mom Dukes answers the phone, she's gonna say, oh, that sounds like Tommy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She never did answer that phone, though.

[Kurt Metzger]

That's me. Write it down. I'm going to R E, D, B, A N. Fuck.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I also think this is Tommy.

[Big J Okerson]

I think it's Tommy Pope.

[Kurt Metzger]

They're doing it. Red Band.

[Brian Redban]

He does. Tommy does remind me of the Hillside Strangler movie with Nicholas Turturro.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What? You know what I'm talking out of.

[Kurt Metzger]

The both of us. Who do you think's a Hillside Strangler?

[Brian Redban]

No, I'll be your cousin and we would do it together.

[Kurt Metzger]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

See, Thomas Howell played his cousin that.

[Big J Okerson]

He did it with Thomas. Tommy, you have to. You have to put an answer down. That's not yourself on that board.

[Kurt Metzger]

This guy. Am I right?

[Big J Okerson]

It.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They don't refuse to put. Your name is Red Band.

[Big J Okerson]

It's Red Band.

[Alex]

It's all one word.

[Big J Okerson]

Red Ban.

[Kurt Metzger]

I just square on the nose.

[Big J Okerson]

Mike, all of our stories are In. And Seraphina, can I get a sugar free red?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'll take a white claw. So me and. Yeah, me and Kurt are gonna be bad girls tonight.

[Big J Okerson]

Guys, one more time, One more time for Serafina, our intern. Come on. How great is she doing?

[Luis J. Gomez]

She panics at attention. That's Serafina. She panics if you talk to her a little.

[Kurt Metzger]

Oh, thanks.

[Big J Okerson]

Mike.

[Tommy Pope]

That story belonged to Tommy Pope.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, I got tricked.

[Big J Okerson]

Christ, he said it a hundred times.

[Brian Redban]

I know. It's called an orgy of evidence.

[Alex]

You would mix it up, like, you know, like, oh, it can't be him. He's the only one that hasn't had Tommy.

[Big J Okerson]

Is there any more to this story? Who were these friends? What was this?

[Kurt Metzger]

Yeah, in high school, we were drinking a golf course outside of Philly. And we would get all up and go to Lanark Diner. That's where they filmed Silver Linings Playbook. That once. That one scene.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Nah, dude, that. That land arc Steiner. I know what the hell you're talking about. Go Birds.

[Brian Redban]

It really is always sunny in Philadelphia.

[Kurt Metzger]

Your brains out.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Go Birds.

[Kurt Metzger]

Yes. So they would just. They'd start locking us up. So we go from getting blacked out in the golf course, go to get some. Some brunch at 2, 2 in the morning at the Lanark Diner, try to.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Fucking beat the bill.

[Kurt Metzger]

And then people would beat the bill? Yeah. So two of us would go to the restroom, they'd skedaddle. And then, you know, the booths would get a little. They'd wane, you know, and then the old bat that has a fucking hairspray head, she wouldn't be paying attention. And then two more drunks, high school, bop out the front door. And they figured out that we would just every week beat the bill.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So they got you eventually.

[Kurt Metzger]

And they just locked the doors.

[Brian Redban]

How many times did you do it before they found out?

[Kurt Metzger]

Months.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The same time after the same time? Same. Every week?

[Kurt Metzger]

Yeah, every weekend.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And then so you'd be like, hey, Saturday, don't remember us, right?

[Kurt Metzger]

We're young, you know.

[Brian Redban]

Boy, how did they put it together?

[Alex]

You were young.

[Brian Redban]

They had a doge to find this missing diner money.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. All right, Mike, where are our points at after five stories?

[Tommy Pope]

All right, in last place with four points, Brian Red band.

[Kurt Metzger]

Good, good.

[Tommy Pope]

With five points, Kurt Metzger. With six points, Tommy Pope.

[Kurt Metzger]

Oh, I got a shot. I got a shot.

[Tommy Pope]

Playing the game with eight points, Luis J. Gomez. And with 12 points, Big J. Okerson.

[Big J Okerson]

Mike, I like what you say. In fifth place, in fourth place and third place, Just don't give the points. Don't make it your own thing. Do what Alex does.

[Tommy Pope]

Okay, I'm sorry.

[Luis J. Gomez]

A mic. Story number six.

[Tommy Pope]

Story number six. I used to put tape at the end of $20 bills and put them in cigarette and candy machines and use the tape to pull out the money before it was completely collected. I got free items plus the change over and over again. I called it a magic dollar and sold the free items from my trunk.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Ooh, that last part changes everything.

[Alex]

Truck.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I was gonna say this again is a Lewis. Lewis didn't have a trunk until recently. I don't think this is a new. A new heist.

[Big J Okerson]

That's not true. So I used to steal sneakers from the Palisade Center Mall and sell them out of my. The back of my trunk.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This is you, then.

[Brian Redban]

For sure.

[Alex]

Yeah. Heads up.

[Big J Okerson]

I drove for when I was 16 and 19, before I moved to New York City. Stole sneaks from a Palestinian mall, Another Palisades mall.

[Brian Redban]

That would be a very daring. That's. That's ballsier than Greta Thunberg.

[Big J Okerson]

I went to Palestine.

[Kurt Metzger]

It's a good sneak.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's more of a stat.

[Brian Redban]

How'd you get in there?

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's more of a sandals culture.

[Brian Redban]

Did you have to hang. Glide out?

[Big J Okerson]

So, I mean, I didn't. I didn't sell sneakers out often. The guy who owned the pizzeria that I worked at would. Would tell us to go steal. Like, pay us essentially to go steal sneakers from the mall.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What, you had a kingpin?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Pizzeria owners want to be in the mob. So this guy was like. He'd go up to all of his friends in Rockland county and be like, just tell me your size and the brand you want. And then you just say, hey, Nike, size 8. You know, Adidas, size 12. And then we'd go and steal the sneakers and come back. Then one time we showed back up, and he was like, I can't take any of these sneakers. So we had, like, six pairs of sneakers. Then I went around Haverstraw with sneakers, and I'd open up my trunk. I was like, who wants to buy sneakers?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Who was the guy, the leader, the shredder? You were the Foot Clan. I got these local boys moving sneakers for me.

[Alex]

Did you wear the referee shirt, please?

[Big J Okerson]

But this wasn't me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm getting red band vibes. Red band likes technology.

[Brian Redban]

That's what I thought, too.

[Big J Okerson]

He. Yeah, he seems like he would know those, like, weird tricks.

[Alex]

I would say cigarette machine that. That age dates people And. But then I look around, I'm like, oh, I have one.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone's old here.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

It could be. I don't understand, by the way.

[Kurt Metzger]

This is.

[Brian Redban]

That's a very Philly esque.

[Kurt Metzger]

I would never do. I don't smoke. I vape.

[Brian Redban]

But I think you would. I think you would call. Yeah. He called it magic.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm like, hey.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like this is a Red Band scam.

[Kurt Metzger]

Yeah, this is. That's a great way to put.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, you know what, Lewis? I'm gonna say red band because he called it his magic dollar.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

And I feel like Red band's the kind of guy with a little bit of whimsy in him, you know?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, Louis loves his imagination.

[Brian Redban]

Can make a Japanese body pillow come to life.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can I throw in the mix here? Can I throw in the mix here? That Lewis smoke cigarettes? Lewis is a scam artist.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't be an.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's true. And Lewis loves magic. He would consider this more of a tree.

[Brian Redban]

Lewis.

[Kurt Metzger]

Yeah, but here's the difference.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He loves magic.

[Alex]

This is definitely a problem.

[Big J Okerson]

I had a magic dollar. I had a magic dollar. It wasn't this.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, this could be like a.

[Luis J. Gomez]

A different magic dollar.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I had a dollar that I did magic with. I'd put a pen through it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, this was your magic dollar. You also would use it to steal money from cigarette machines and candy machines.

[Brian Redban]

Ah, I already know he broke into cars.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. What would a cop say? He'd say Lewis is the Puerto Rican one. I'm saying, Lewis, the.

[Alex]

The magic thing is what really sealed it for me.

[Big J Okerson]

Love.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, cuz I forgot Puerto Ricans love.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Magic with boyish whimsy. He loves it.

[Brian Redban]

A lot of people don't know. A lot of people don't know that the island's love of magic.

[Kurt Metzger]

Here's what I think. Like every kid at some age between 13 to 18, you're smoking cigarettes. You're at least trying to.

[Big J Okerson]

This doesn't even mean somebody smokes cigarettes. It means that they were using the $20bill to. To rip off the cigarette machine, to sell the cigarettes and to get money.

[Kurt Metzger]

A cigarette machine.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's telling you why it's him, but it doesn't.

[Kurt Metzger]

That's insane.

[Brian Redban]

You know, they like. They get off on getting. They get off on telling you about their crimes. These people.

[Kurt Metzger]

Imagine that. Imagine just replace cigarette machine with dildos. That's not saying we like dildo says. I mean.

[Big J Okerson]

No, but it doesn't say they put it in the cigarette machine and use the tape to Pull out the money before it was completed. I got free items plus change over and over again. I called up my Match dollar and I sold the free item items from the truck in my car. They didn't smoke the cigarettes, they sold the items.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Look how fast you can read your own words.

[Brian Redban]

That's Lewis's business mind.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, Lewis's business mind is ridiculous here it's not. This is before he learned his business mind. Because twenty dollar bills getting cigarette change isn't large margins. You gotta keep this totally candy machines exclusively.

[Kurt Metzger]

Hold on.

[Brian Redban]

That's. That sounds like something the founder of Skank Fest would do.

[Kurt Metzger]

This might be brilliant.

[Big J Okerson]

I want you guys. I want everyone to vote for me because I want to get the right answer and continue to move ahead with points and have you guys all be wrong.

[Kurt Metzger]

Yeah, you fucking dog. This is number one.

[Big J Okerson]

Kurt Metzger vote.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's a wild card, Tommy. That's. I mean do what you want.

[Brian Redban]

That's a wild card pick. My sister did go through a stealing phase. I told Jay about that. We stole all these.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You told me that was to take that to my grave. Now you're just telling everyone.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, I. Because I wanted of, you know, want to make the game good.

[Big J Okerson]

G. Mike, all of our answers are in.

[Tommy Pope]

That story belongs to Brian Red.

[Brian Redban]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Damn it.

[Brian Redban]

You anime. I should have known. With the magic dollar, you take clear.

[Alex]

Packing tape like the clear like and you just put it at the very, very tip of a $20 bill and you wrap it around on each other so it makes a handle. Then you put it in a cigarette machine or any kind of machine and you put it in and you just go bling. And it will credit you for the $20, give you change and give you your cigarettes.

[Brian Redban]

I go back to the future.

[Alex]

So anyway, I used to. I used to like, like in high school, like. Like sophomore, senior year, just have open up my trunk during lunch and everyone would come and buy cigarettes and pop. So I would make money on top of that shit.

[Brian Redban]

Sounds like a David lynch movie.

[Big J Okerson]

The way you describe Red Band is very innovative. I respect that.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, the tech look. He likes technology, so that was a good guess.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's it. He learned how to beat the computers years ago.

[Alex]

I got. Yeah, I got the IP address of everyone in this room right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Nice, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Mike, where are points at?

[Tommy Pope]

In last place with six points, Tommy Pope.

[Alex]

You.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Do you think the guy with the dreadlocks is looking on his phone or he nod off like heroin don't make heroin. I bet he's got good stories.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I would also be exhausted if I had the blood of Palestinian children in my hands.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The guilt must be killing him. The guilt must be killing him.

[Big J Okerson]

Seraphina, stop flirting with Red Band, you slut. Jesus Christ.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Do we have the scores?

[Big J Okerson]

Keep on going.

[Brian Redban]

Well, you better. Maybe some of that dip. That's all I can say. Jay.

[Tommy Pope]

In last place is Kurt Metzger with five points.

[Big J Okerson]

Actually, yeah, sorry.

[Brian Redban]

That's cool.

[Tommy Pope]

I have to piss the Tommy Pope with six. In third place we have Brian Redbam with 10 points now. And tied for first place with 12 points each, the story warriors, Big J. Okerson and Louis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm coming for the gold, bitch.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, boy, I am nervous. You do not know how bad I want this book. You know, the Texas Department of Tourism and Scruffy Souvenirs, conveniently located across the street, and Food Mart come together to showcase the kind of meals served at family gatherings, small town diners and backyard cookouts across the state of Texas. With a focus on simple techniques and bold, familiar flavors, this book is a tribute to everyday cooking that defines Texas.

[Big J Okerson]

Very exciting. Mike.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Mike.

[Big J Okerson]

Story number seven.

[Tommy Pope]

Story number seven. When I was a kid, I would find receipts in the supermarket parking lot and then I would go to the store and return unpurchased items on the receipt for money.

[Big J Okerson]

That's just brilliant. That's just something we should all do now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I actually, I know this. I thought this scam when I watched it was one of those hookers, the points or something they were showing. Oh, no, it was just like a junkies documentary on HBO and everybody. That was the move. They'd go and find like, you know, laundry detergent and shit receipts and then return them to the store. And I was like, like, these toothless are brilliant. That was a really smart move. I wish I had the balls to go do it. Just.

[Brian Redban]

I got to go piss. But I said red ban. I'll be right back.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right. You just voted and got out of here.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, Kurt?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Sure.

[Big J Okerson]

He'll be right back. We'll vamp.

[Alex]

It's smart. I actually have never heard of this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Did you vote already, Birdman? Oh, no, no, actually, I got you.

[Alex]

I've never heard of this scam before and I've thought I've heard a lot of them and it's so basic and simple. They have to like. Like you can't only do it a couple times. I bet.

[Big J Okerson]

What I mean did this. Is this Kurt's story and then he doesn't want to show his game face?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Very, very possible.

[Alex]

That's actually A good. Good idea.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't know if curse this brazen either. He was like a weird.

[Alex]

Is that yours, religious kid? It's real, Ginger, not fake.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know how brazen this is, though.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, you gotta have the balls to go do it.

[Big J Okerson]

This might be.

[Kurt Metzger]

I watch a lot of interventions.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Okay?

[Kurt Metzger]

This is the truth. This is like my favorite show, Intervention. As soon as I get home tonight, I'm gonna fire up four to five hours of intervention.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Sure. Did you ever see the season when they were. When they were. When they were in Alaska or in Canada and they go on the actual tribal lands, like, they're doing like a. Yeah, that is the funniest. Because the interventionist has to go, okay. Everyone's just here because they love you and they want to read letters. And they go, uncle Running Wolf, you first. And he'll be like. Your addiction has affected me in the following ways. The moon no longer cries when I sleep.

[Big J Okerson]

So I think it could be Tommy.

[Alex]

It seems like it would be Tommy.

[Kurt Metzger]

Honestly, I didn't finish. Finish what I was saying.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You were a young flim flam man in Philly.

[Kurt Metzger]

I know enough about every addiction. And speed, meth heads, crackheads, the boys and girls that are. They're willing to get their boots on the ground to get the next hit. They'll do whatever the fuck they need do. Right? You're a heroin guy. Slow. I don't watch. As soon as I fire up Intervention. If it's speed, I'm locked. I'm locked in. I'll throw popcorn on. I'm. This is my. If it's like sleepy Beepy, I'm anorexic. I'm taking, you know, heroin. You just fall asleep in a. Tommy.

[Big J Okerson]

What does this have to do with the game?

[Kurt Metzger]

The poor point is this kind of shit. Uppers, dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This reeks of Kurt.

[Kurt Metzger]

Crackheads, they know. They'll go. They'll fucking. They'll rummage through the outs. The. The. The trash cans outside of a. They rummage through the out. Like, literally the trash cans outside of, like, a Target or whatever the it is. You'll find a receipt for an item, and these fucking meth heads will run to that aisle, grab that item, and claim, this is my shit.

[Big J Okerson]

That's what the thing is.

[Kurt Metzger]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Did Kurt ask you to vamp?

[Kurt Metzger]

My point is, I would never.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, Tommy, don't worry. I'm back now. I drained the main vein. I'm good now.

[Kurt Metzger]

What's the question?

[Brian Redban]

Okay, what am I? Tommy, did you vamp like I asked? Stop Being a. Do you want to get the book or not?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tommy, just word by word, reset this sentence for 10 minutes with a story.

[Big J Okerson]

I. I'm getting Tommy vibes on this one.

[Kurt Metzger]

I was just telling you.

[Big J Okerson]

Tommy, is this you?

[Kurt Metzger]

Huh?

[Big J Okerson]

It's definitely Tommy.

[Kurt Metzger]

It was just passionate.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm putting my vote in Tommy Pope is my answer.

[Brian Redban]

There's a lot of Tommy Pope. Red band crossover. That gets very tricky.

[Kurt Metzger]

I've had one story. I've had one story. One story. Except for this one. What'd you do, Big J. I like that.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, Jay. Came out little gloves, big world.

[Luis J. Gomez]

If I fall behind because of this, is that what you deserve to lose? Is this you?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, look, it's me.

[Brian Redban]

Dude, just tell me straight. Is this you? I mean, you.

[Alex]

I'm in between two actors from tires.

[Big J Okerson]

J.

[Brian Redban]

This is a cookbook that.

[Big J Okerson]

It's whatever. It's me, Jay.

[Kurt Metzger]

I put an O in the Lewis.

[Brian Redban]

Lois did it.

[Big J Okerson]

Who you vote for, Brian?

[Alex]

Big J, right here.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't think it was big.

[Alex]

He's got those Ben Franklin glasses on. He's looking.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, that's right.

[Alex]

He's looking. Oh, now he's changing it to me.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, that's confidence.

[Kurt Metzger]

That is confidence.

[Brian Redban]

Oh.

[Kurt Metzger]

Drama, baby.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He knows it's him.

[Alex]

He's just doing the drama.

[Kurt Metzger]

Don't. Don't you do it. Don't you. Don't you do it. Don't you do it. Why would you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can I call my mom?

[Kurt Metzger]

Why would you do that? Come on, Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

Mike, all of our answers are in. You're.

[Kurt Metzger]

I've got news for you. You're all how you got there, Mike.

[Tommy Pope]

That story belongs to Louis J. Gomez.

[Kurt Metzger]

I'm back. I'm back.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm back.

[Kurt Metzger]

Put the scores on my back.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay had it. Jay had it written down.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Alex]

I need to go with my heart more.

[Kurt Metzger]

Give me extra points.

[Big J Okerson]

This was a classic.

[Brian Redban]

If I didn't have to piss so bad, I would have got it.

[Big J Okerson]

Classic scam. I mean. I mean, I would do this probably two or three times a week at the local shop, right? You always want. We would watch. Was it Supermarket Sweep? They would tell you which items to get because there were like the high, high value. So you try to find. You find Pampers, like, oh, those are worth some fucking money. Meat. Meats were always worth a lot of money. He would go in, get 20, 30 bucks. It was pretty sick. What'd you say?

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Security, remove this man. Violently.

[Alex]

It was way too obvious.

[Brian Redban]

You played me like an old timey cigarette machine. You gave me the old Red band skidoo.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay's really bummed out. I love it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Here's the good news. Available just footsteps away at Scruffy Souvenirs and Food Mart, this cookbook offers a straightforward collection of classic, traditional Texas recipes. From nachos to tortilla soup to corn pudding, these dishes are rooted in local tradition and designed for everyday cooks. It's a practical introduction to the flavors that define real Texas home cooking.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

You know, Jay, when you told me you were gonna buy Elizabeth Warren glasses, I wasn't for it at first, but they're paying off.

[Big J Okerson]

Big Mike, where are our points at?

[Tommy Pope]

On the scoreboard. In last place, with five points, Kurt Luther.

[Brian Redban]

I know you stink.

[Tommy Pope]

Tied for third place, Brian Redband and Tommy Pope.

[Big J Okerson]

With how many points?

[Tommy Pope]

With 10 points.

[Big J Okerson]

Got it, Miss Alex.

[Tommy Pope]

Never done this before, man. 12 points. In second place, Big J. Okerson. And in first place, with 18 points, Lewis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I love how bummed Jay is right now. He really thought he was gonna get two victories tonight.

[Brian Redban]

It's like the old scorpion and the frog story.

[Alex]

I think you guys should get half points, by the way, in the future.

[Big J Okerson]

No way, dude. We get double points.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Thank you. Thank you, Roots.

[Kurt Metzger]

That rules. You can do whatever you want.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Kurt Metzger]

Doesn't that feel good?

[Big J Okerson]

Feels great.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, Tommy. Oh, Tommy, you didn't know this. If you win, if you become a winner of story awards, you become a story warrior and get privileges. To do that, you could ignite that.

[Kurt Metzger]

I'm gonna win tonight, Jay, and my mom's gonna fucking answer.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Let's go.

[Kurt Metzger]

Next question.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. I predict that Tommy Pope wins. His mom doesn't answer, and he goes, it's okay, Mom.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's okay. We'll get him next time. It's okay.

[Big J Okerson]

We have one more story, Mike. Story number eight.

[Kurt Metzger]

That's it. I got one more.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, you can win still.

[Kurt Metzger]

I can't win.

[Big J Okerson]

You can.

[Kurt Metzger]

I can't win.

[Big J Okerson]

You can.

[Kurt Metzger]

There's only one left. Yeah, you got to lose 10.

[Big J Okerson]

You could tie, and then we have overtime.

[Tommy Pope]

Story number eight.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, Mike. Nice attitude.

[Kurt Metzger]

The Jew's awake.

[Big J Okerson]

Jeff drew power.

[Kurt Metzger]

Dude, that felt so good.

[Brian Redban]

Mike reminds me of a guy.

[Tommy Pope]

I had a guy use a credit card scam to pay a crazy high cell phone bill I had. He guaranteed it would work. It caused me financial and legal trouble for years.

[Brian Redban]

That's a great story.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I feel like this could be a Kurt Mesker story.

[Brian Redban]

It could be, but it ain't.

[Kurt Metzger]

I'd one story. One story, huh? Only one story. The whole thing.

[Brian Redban]

That's why it's probably Tommy Pope.

[Big J Okerson]

Tommy could be over. Tommy could be overplaying it right now. This could be him.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's a strange announcement. Oh.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, I think I know who it is.

[Kurt Metzger]

I said it in four stories.

[Big J Okerson]

Who'd you say, Brian?

[Alex]

Tommy saying he's like my mom talking about cell phones right now.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Alex]

He tricked me.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Kurt Metzger]

It was at the Olive Garden.

[Alex]

He came out of the parking lot.

[Brian Redban]

Either I just had three claws, or Jay told me this story a long time ago.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I told you.

[Kurt Metzger]

I like that.

[Big J Okerson]

That's interesting. I like that.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, I'm not solid on it at.

[Big J Okerson]

All.

[Brian Redban]

But I have a. A feeling, and I say go for it.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's see if Kurt votes for Jay. And it's Jay. Jay can't win.

[Kurt Metzger]

Play.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I would know if this was.

[Brian Redban]

Because this sounds like a doing black rooms back in the day kind of story that Jay would have told me from. From.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You were in the same black rooms.

[Brian Redban]

I know.

[Big J Okerson]

AJ Seems frazzled because Kurt said that right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This is reading frazzled.

[Brian Redban]

This.

[Big J Okerson]

You seem frazzled.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What do you even mean? I'm just playing the game.

[Brian Redban]

Drinking three claws at a show has never steered me wrong once.

[Big J Okerson]

Tommy who Again, I'm not solid on this.

[Alex]

Who is your cell phone provider? Ross.

[Brian Redban]

Did you get Ryan? Red old cell phone.

[Alex]

That's actually good. Singular.

[Kurt Metzger]

Oh, I came here to have, like, one story, and the one story was, like, I basically signed off on it.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Do you want to ask your mom and call her and see if she.

[Kurt Metzger]

No, I just want to hang out with my friend. Just want to have a good time with my friends, man. Yeah. Pig. Pig.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm going.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, you know, actually, go ahead, because I'll. Yeah.

[Kurt Metzger]

All right.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Hold on.

[Alex]

That's my second guess.

[Big J Okerson]

Big J is my answer. I feel like Kurt had this insight.

[Brian Redban]

I could be totally wrong. It could. You know, I had three claws, so I already lost, so.

[Kurt Metzger]

Louie.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, sir.

[Kurt Metzger]

Louie's getting it.

[Big J Okerson]

You think it's me?

[Brian Redban]

You know why I think it's Jay? Because a long time ago, when I had a credit card, I remember there was all these sneaker stadium charges, and I think it was Buck Wild, that fucking Laugh house that did it. But I can't prove it, but I think that's what it was, and I feel like. I bet this is Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, all of our answers are in G, Mike.

[Tommy Pope]

This story belongs to Big J. Over.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you, Kurt.

[Brian Redban]

I know a lot of the old dirt on Jay. I remember doing that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mask it under the idea that I have A feeling. This is Jay. This is Jay. Told me the story years ago, but I wasn't.

[Brian Redban]

I. I forgot it until I saw it. Well, I just remember miserable. You had all these hilarious trips.

[Big J Okerson]

Remember?

[Brian Redban]

Whenever we're not.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, wait, I'll tell you this story first.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Kurt was correct. Buck the Wild. That was his name.

[Kurt Metzger]

Italian.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I go, yeah, Black Circuit comics.

[Brian Redban]

Name is Aziz Ahmad something.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Something like that. He ended up spending a lot of time in jail at one point. But he.

[Brian Redban]

He ran over a federal agent. Him and a corrupt. Him and a corrupt judge were making.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Counterfeit money, and they shot him in the hand or something, and the fed.

[Brian Redban]

Jumped on his car, and I guess supposedly Buck shot him through the hand.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, that guy said to me, I was complaining. I was like, fuck. I guess I was using my cell phone, not nights and weekends. And he was like. He just said so casual. He goes, I can handle that. He goes, you come meet me in North Philly at this terrifying McDonald's in the parking lot.

[Kurt Metzger]

I forgot.

[Brian Redban]

Who the put that there.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Kurt, you're gonna have to get more used to hat life, my man.

[Brian Redban]

I'm not, dude. I'm not a real cowboy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This is how I find out.

[Brian Redban]

It was just story time hat, that's all. Oh, shit.

[Big J Okerson]

He met. You've been at McDonald's.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So to meet him at McDonald's. And I went there, and I stood there, and he goes, all right, give me your cell phone. It was like, nokia phone. He goes, give me your cell phone. And then he. With my cell phone, he calls whatever. Like, you know, it was at and t. Right away, he calls him up and he goes, hey, I'm sitting here. I got my. I got a kid with his grandma's. Grandma's gonna pay a cell phone bill. And then they were like, you know, and he just reads off numbers that he has written down on a piece of paper. And then he hangs up. And he goes, you're all good. And you give him $100 and he'd solve this problem for you. And I gave him the hundred dollars. And then two months later, they find out it's a scam. And then I have a bill for like, $3,000 that affected my credit.

[Brian Redban]

Cause he fucks your life up.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it affected my credit until I was 35. How about 19?

[Alex]

I had the same problem.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. He was like, it's a scary. No problem. And then they find out. It was like, almost like they called me with like a. You're lucky you're not having to go to jail.

[Brian Redban]

That was Just.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They're like that. We're just gonna make sure you're paying that money that you owe still.

[Alex]

Did they take everything out of your bank account at one point?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, I don't know if you heard about my family. We're afraid of banks. We. We are terrified of banks, dude. The Fed just taking out your parents. At the time that I was friends with Kurt, I had a thing where I was like, yo, my family's crazy not having banks. You gotta have a bank. And then I went and deposited money in the bank, and I tried. It was like, 400 bucks. And I tried to take some out with an ATM card. And the ATM card said, like, it's not releasing the money or something like that. And then I went to the bank, back to the bank, and withdrew with a slip, my entire $400. And never went back to a bank until I was 37.

[Kurt Metzger]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

I was not till 32.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Because I had bad bank credit.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I had. My girlfriends would always have, like. I would. Yeah. Sign my check and she would deposit it.

[Brian Redban]

That's pre 9 11. A lot of it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I know. It was embarrassing when I would use credit cards when I was going to hotels when I was younger. I go. They go, are you Carla Okerson? Like, no, no, no. That's the Latina with better credit that I married.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

You could.

[Big J Okerson]

By the way, you could just argue with the hotel if you show and be like, I don't have a credit card for incidentals. They'll let you eventually go in and.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Buck the fuck wild. Puerto Rican, if you're out there listening. Buck the fuck wild. You never made right with me on that.

[Brian Redban]

So remember with Kev, what he would do with Kev, where he. He pulled a badge out.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We pulled a What.

[Brian Redban]

It was him and Kevin Hart in a car. Because Kevin always go on these shows with him, and he gets pulled over by a cop, and Buck pulls out a badge.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Brian Redban]

Remember?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, no, I know that.

[Big J Okerson]

I know.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was Buck Wild. Michael Blackson.

[Brian Redban]

That's a different one. But this one, Buck pulls a badge out, and the cop goes, you're on the job. I'm a court clerk. He goes, all right, slow down.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The guy was.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Kevin Hart got pulled over. Was too, Ray. Michael Blackson, the African King of Comedy.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And. And they all got pulled over. And before they got in the car to go do a show in New York, they said, are you. They were like. Michael Blackson, particularly was like, buck, buck wild. This car's not fucking stolen. Or like, paper's funny on it, right? And he's like, nah, man, we're all good. They got pulled over on the side of the road on the side of New Jersey turnpike. Of course it was stolen. They have everybody face down, and they have everybody face down the ground. Kevin Hart, everybody. They're all face down. And Michael Blackson starts panicking and screaming to the cops, I'm the African king of comedy. And starts trying to pull this dashiki out of his bag. And they're like, calm down. And they pulled the gun. They drew guns.

[Brian Redban]

The officer, sir. I am very scared.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm African king of comedy.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, Mike, this is the end of the game. Give us our final point count.

[Tommy Pope]

The final scores. In the last place, with nine points, Kurt Metzger.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

I feel like that last question was a friendship victory.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it was.

[Kurt Metzger]

Shouldn't have pissed.

[Tommy Pope]

In third place, with 10 points each, Tommy Pope and Brian Redband.

[Kurt Metzger]

He did it.

[Tommy Pope]

And your winner today with fucking Kurt.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Just shouldn't have said Jay told me that. Fuck.

[Tommy Pope]

Louis J. Gomez.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God. I literally took food out of Jay's mouth.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Delicious Austin fare.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you very much. I'm very excited to be in this group.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Louis J. Gomez, your winner of tonight's story war.

[Kurt Metzger]

Who would have thought?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, I don't like it, but God damn it, I respect it. How about it one more time for Lewis, everybody. Winning tonight's game. How about it for our entire panel of great comedians? Kurt Metzger, Tommy Pope, the great Ryan Red Band. His name's Brian. Thank you guys so much for hanging out with us at Story Wars. I'm Big J Okerson.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm Lewis J. Gomez.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We'll catch you guys next time. Until then, peace.