052. Yakov Smirnoff, Brendan Sagalow & Rachel Wolfson | Violence

Summary

Podcast Summary: Story Warz - Episode 052: Yakov Smirnoff, Brendan Sagalo & Rachel Wolfson | Violence

Release Date: August 1, 2025
Hosted by: GaS Digital Network
Live from: The Stand Comedy Club, New York City

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Introduction to Story Warz

In Episode 052 of Story Warz, titled "Violence", hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Lewis J. Gomez welcome a vibrant panel of contestants: the legendary comedian Yakov Smirnoff, Brendan Sagalo from his hit podcast "Sag Daddy," and rising star Rachel Wolfson. The episode is a blend of sharp humor, witty banter, and engaging storytelling, all centered around the theme of violence.

---

Understanding the Game

At [03:20], Yakov Smirnoff kicks off the show by explaining the mechanics of Story Warz:

Yakov Smirnoff: "Ladies and gentlemen, it's Story Wars with the Story Warriors, Big J Okerson and Lewis J. Coman."

The game involves each panelist submitting three to five stories related to the chosen theme—in this case, violence. Producer Alex selects eight stories at random, reads them anonymously, and the contestants must deduce whether the story is theirs or belongs to another player. Points are awarded based on accurate guesses and successful deception.

---

Meet the Contestants

• Rachel Wolfson: Known for her sharp comedic timing and improvisational skills, Rachel brings a fresh perspective to the panel.
  Rachel Wolfson: "You guys are gonna fall in love tonight." [04:15]

• Brendan Sagalo: With his experience from the "Sag Daddy" podcast and the special "Thin Lips," Brendan adds depth and humor to the competition.
  Brendan Sagalo: "First time on Story Wars. Welcome." [05:05]

• Yakov Smirnoff: A seasoned comedian famed from "Night Court," Yakov's presence guarantees seasoned humor and sharp insights.
  Yakov Smirnoff: "Yeah. What’s up, everybody?" [03:50]

---

Round-by-Round Gameplay

Story Number One ([09:13] - [16:41])

• Story: On Christmas Eve, two uncles engage in a fistfight, which escalates until their grandfather intervenes with a punch.

• Discussion:
  Big J suspects Lewis's story but the panel debates the family dynamics involved. Rachel references her Puerto Rican heritage, adding depth to the narrative.

• Outcome:
  Alex: "Story number one belongs to Brendan Sagalo." [16:31]

• Notable Quote:
  Rachel Wolfson: "I'm Puerto Rican. All we have is family." [09:31]

Story Number Two ([20:06] - [26:22])

• Story: An elderly landlord fends off a fight with the narrator's mother using a weapon, leading to her mother's loss.

• Discussion:
  Rachel identifies this as her own story, reflecting on her mother's confrontational nature. The panel humorously debates the authenticity based on cultural backgrounds.

• Outcome:
  Alex: "Story number two belongs to Lewis J. Gomez." [24:34]

• Notable Quote:
  Brendan Sagalo: "But this screams Soviet Union to me." [11:23]

Story Number Three ([26:37] - [34:18])

• Story: A comedian at a strip club is threatened with a shotgun by an unhappy customer, turning a performance into a dangerous situation.

• Discussion:
  The panel grapples with assigning the story, considering past performances and personal experiences. Yakov demonstrates his deceptive skills by initially guessing himself.

• Outcome:
  Alex: "Story number three belongs to Yakov Smirnoff." [31:35]

• Notable Quote:
  Yakov Smirnoff: "I fooled you fools." [16:36]

Story Number Four ([36:50] - [44:22])

• Story: Upon returning home, the narrator witnesses a neighbor's Rottweiler kill two other dogs. A well-meaning neighbor attempts to "dog nap" the aggressive Rottweiler to prevent further violence.

• Discussion:
  Rachel connects the story to her own experiences with pets, while the panel debates the plausibility based on neighborhood dynamics.

• Outcome:
  Alex: "Story number four belongs to Yakov Smirnoff." [42:07]

• Notable Quote:
  Rachel Wolfson: "I have one older sister. I have a half brother and half sister that I've never met, but I have one older sister." [65:58]

Story Number Five ([49:39] - [59:16])

• Story: The narrator experiences bleeding gums from flossing and decides to smear the floss around their face as a prank, leading to a heated reaction from their significant other.

• Discussion:
  The panel hilariously debates the authenticity, focusing on dental hygiene habits and personal quirks.

• Outcome:
  Alex: "Story number five belongs to Big J. Okerson." [57:33]

• Notable Quote:
  Rachel Wolfson: "I am thinking, now, Rachel's got a beautiful smile. She flosses every day." [50:19]

Story Number Six ([61:23] - [69:06])

• Story: In high school, the narrator confronts a bully who was targeting their sibling, successfully ending the bullying.

• Discussion:
  Initial suspicions point towards Rachel, but Lewis ultimately reveals it's his personal story, adding a genuine emotional layer to the game.

• Outcome:
  Alex: "Story number six belongs to Lewis J. Gomez." [69:06]

• Notable Quote:
  Big J. Okerson: "If you're messing with my family, you mess with me." [61:56]

Story Number Seven ([70:31] - [78:49])

• Story: The narrator wakes up in the hospital with no recollection of a fight that resulted in their head hitting concrete, piecing together fragmented memories of the event.

• Discussion:
  The panel delves into deep storytelling, with Yakov sharing a vivid recount of the incident, blending humor with introspection.

• Outcome:
  Alex: "Story number seven belongs to Brendan Sagalo." [74:37]

• Notable Quote:
  Yakov Smirnoff: "I jumped on him and he... And my head hit the concrete." [75:03]

Story Number Eight ([79:59] - [86:55])

• Story: On the way home from school, the narrator observes a Rottweiler killing two neighbor dogs. The community reacts by attempting to kill the aggressive dog to prevent further harm.

• Discussion:
  Rachel identifies this as her own story, linking it to her experiences and the emotional impact of witnessing such violence.

• Outcome:
  Alex: "The final story belongs to Rachel Wolfson." [85:48]

• Notable Quote:
  Rachel Wolfson: "We knew it. We knew it. The dog nap was the thing that really got me at the end." [85:55]

---

Highlights and Notable Moments

• Comedic Chemistry: The hosts and contestants exhibit a natural and entertaining rapport. Rachel often targets Big J. and Yakov with playful jabs, while Yakov and Brendan engage in humorous self-deprecation.

• Engaging Stories: Each participant brings unique narratives that blend humor with relatable experiences, keeping the audience engaged and entertained.

• Tension and Suspense: As the points tally, suspense builds, especially with close scores and unexpected ownership of stories, such as Big J. securing points despite initial doubts about his storytelling prowess.

• Memorable Quotes:

  • Brendan Sagalo: "We didn't celebrate Christmas. It was not allowed." [12:12]
  • Yakov Smirnoff: "I'm half Jewish, but we kind of forgot about that." [16:41]
  • Rachel Wolfson: "I was the only person whose name he knows." [56:54]

---

Winner Announcement

By the episode's close, the competition remains fierce. Lewis J. Gomez emerges as the victor with a total of 22 points, securing a signed copy of "Young Writers Day" by Just Brie. His win highlights his adeptness at both storytelling and deception, earning applause from an enthusiastic live audience.

Big J. Okerson: "Louis J. Gomez keeps Young Writers Day by Just Brie in the Story Wars library." [88:58]

---

Closing Remarks

The episode concludes with heartfelt congratulations to Lewis and commendations to all contestants for their engaging participation. The hosts and guests promote their respective projects and upcoming shows, maintaining the lively and inclusive spirit of Story Warz.

Big J. Okerson: "We'll catch you guys next time. Until then, peace." [89:41]

---

Overall Insights

Episode 052 of Story Warz masterfully blends comedy with competitive storytelling, offering listeners a dynamic and entertaining experience. The interplay between seasoned comedians and fresh voices creates a vibrant atmosphere, making "Violence" a standout episode in the series. Whether it’s the clever deception, relatable narratives, or the infectious energy of the hosts, this episode delivers on all fronts, ensuring both regular listeners and newcomers find it enjoyable and memorable.

Transcript

[Lewis J. Gomez]

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[Big J. Okerson]

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[Lewis J. Gomez]

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[Big J. Okerson]

Start a free 30 day Audible trial.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And get your first audiobook free at audible.com wondery that's audible.com wondery Skankfest New.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Orleans is happening November 14th through 16th. Get your tickets right now. There's only individual day passes left. All access is sold out. VIP is sold out. It is the largest lineup we've ever had. Favorites like Tim Dillon, Shane Gillis, Nick Mullen, Joe List, Robert Kelly, Sam Hyde, obviously the Legion of Skanks and many, many more. Over 150 comedians, six stages, three full days of comedy fighting, music and everything else you love about Skank festival. Go to skankfest.com right now and grab your single day passes.

[Big J. Okerson]

Great news everybody. Story wars merch store now up and functioning. Everyone get your goddamn merch right now.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Represent the show that you love. Show that you are yourself a Story Warrior. We got T shirts, we got hoodies, maybe socks one day. StoryWarsMerch.com is the way plugs that thing.

[Big J. Okerson]

You could put inside of a woman and you control it from your phone.

[Rachel Wolfson]

The Story wars breakfast cereal. The Story wars flamethrower. Go to storywarsmerch.com and grab your merch today. What's going on? Story warriors if you love Story wars and you want to be a part of the live audience, come out to the New York Comedy Club every Wednesday night at 7:45pm to be a part of the show.

[Big J. Okerson]

Don't be a piece of Just get your tickets and come. It's fun.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Buck face new yorkcomedyclub.com all right, story warriors, before we get into our show, I want to let you know that today's show is sponsored by yocratum.com your kratom.com is home of the 60 kilo. And I'll tell you right now, if you're looking to get into Kratom, don't. But if you're already into kratom, Ycratom.com has you covered.

[Big J. Okerson]

Listen, do not get mixed up with Kratom. But if you do, daddy, these ones are the ones to do. Oh, yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You feel this? This is pure Colombian gold.

[Big J. Okerson]

You'll be coming back. You'll sell your child.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Here, take a taste. Just a little taste. This one's on me.

[Big J. Okerson]

The first one you could just have. Baby, I just want you to know if you like it or not.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, you do. Of course you do.

[Big J. Okerson]

Cool, baby. Oh, you like it? That's such a rare reaction.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Feels like a warm hug from your grandma, doesn't it?

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, my. Look at you. You look better. You feel better. You sound cooler.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You're in a pile of your own.

[Big J. Okerson]

You're in a pile of your own. You're screaming for parents that aren't alive.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yo, kratom dot com. Home is a two kilo. All right, let's start the show.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Fill her up. You're listening to the GAS Digital Network. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Story wars with the Story Warriors, Big J Okerson and Lewis J. Coman.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. What's up, everybody? Welcome to Story Wars. Thank you for coming out. Make some noise here at the New York Comedy Club for us, the new home. The new home.

[Rachel Wolfson]

The new home live every. Every Wednesday night and sometimes twice on a Sunday.

[Big J. Okerson]

Sometimes twice on a Sunday when we gotta stockpile them. How many people here familiar with the game Story Wars? How many people are not familiar with the game Story Wars?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, okay. A lot of people.

[Big J. Okerson]

They're gonna love it.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You guys are gonna fall in love tonight. Once again, you two, you're gonna fall in love with this game. Just so you know. Look, he's taking his clothes off already.

[Big J. Okerson]

And then you're gonna go home and take that girl back hostage. I believe in you. If you're not familiar with the game, we will explain it after we get our esteemed panel of contestants up here. Louis, why don't you start introducing our guest for the evening? Yes.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You guys know her from Jackass 5. I think it was the one that just came out.

[Big J. Okerson]

Four.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Four, whatever. Ladies and gentlemen, you know her from Jackass 4. Hilarious comedian clapping up his L for Rachel Wolfson. Hey, Rachel.

[Big J. Okerson]

Hi, Rachel. Thank you for doing the show.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, thank you guys for having me.

[Big J. Okerson]

First time on Story Wars. Welcome.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Thank you.

[Big J. Okerson]

Our second contestant, you know from his podcast, Sag Daddy the pod. His special thin lips is available right now on YouTube. How about it for the hilarious Brendan Sagalo?

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yeah, what the fuck's up?

[Big J. Okerson]

Is that your own rap?

[Yakov Smirnov]

How good is that?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, we're all ignorant.

[Big J. Okerson]

And they were like, it is.

[Yakov Smirnov]

That's what I'm going for.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Everyone's gonna ignore you. Almost knocking over the Story wars booksh.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, my Lord, that thing's coming down.

[Yakov Smirnov]

If I don't win this, I'm knocking it down.

[Rachel Wolfson]

And our third competitor for, for the evening, a literal living legend returning to Story Wars. You might recognize him from Night Court or just touring the entire world. Clap it up, Sl Ken for Yakov Smirnov.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yakov Smirnoff returning to the show. Thank you, my friend.

[Rachel Wolfson]

This is the. One of the. The most unex friendships in comedy is Yakov Smirnoff and the Legion of Skanks. Nobody saw that happening.

[Big J. Okerson]

I did. I've had it on my. Whatever that thing is vision board. My vision board. Damn, that would have been funny. If you are not familiar with the game here or if you're listening at home for the first time, Story wars is a very simple game. All five of us on this panel, including Lewis and I, have submitted three to five stories on one particular subject. Tonight's subject, Louis.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Violence.

[Big J. Okerson]

Violence. Our lovely producer Alex is going to pick eight of those stories in no random order, and she is going to read them one at a time. It'll come up here on this screen. If it's your story, you're the only person who knows that it's your job to fool everybody. That's not your story. And if it's not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Now, for every story you guess correct, you get two points. Every time you fool a person on the panel, you get one point. Once you write the name on the dry erase board, put it in this little slot right here, remove your hand. That is your final answer. You can't change it. That's that. It sounds very confusing. I promise you guys, after a story or two, you're gonna get it. It's gonna be your favorite show ever. And I'll tell you right now, this is a lot of fun. This game is so much fun. We love it. Everyone loves it, but we're not playing.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Just kidding, you guys.

[Big J. Okerson]

You think that now? Sago, let him laugh.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Make fun all you want, Sago. But you know what? Alex, start him with negative five points.

[Big J. Okerson]

No.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Fine.

[Rachel Wolfson]

We're not playing for fun. Jay, tell them what we're playing for.

[Big J. Okerson]

Every week, we are competing for a book from the Story wars library. Tonight's winner goes home with the Young Writers Day by Just Bri signed copy. When 14 year old aspiring author Marley James enters her school's Young Writers Day competition, she's just hoping to share her love of storytelling. But as the event draws near, the pressure builds from jealous classmates, demanding teachers, and her own teenage self. Doubt. When a mysterious anonymous story circulates through the school, Marley finds herself caught in the middle of a literary mystery that threatens to overshadow the entire celebration.

[Rachel Wolfson]

And we're just gonna give that away to the winner.

[Big J. Okerson]

Young Writers Day. You gotta earn it, though. Just Brie. Do you think she's dead? She's so little. But what if that was just like a dumb thing she wrote before she got hit by a car? Well, I guess the winner's gonna find out. Let me ask this crowd. Are you guys ready for war? Yeah. Are you guys ready for war? Then, Alex, without any further ado, story number one.

[Alex]

Story number one. One year on Christmas Eve, my uncles fist fought each other. My grandfather had to step in and punch one of them in the face.

[Big J. Okerson]

This reeks of Lewis, but I don't know if he had a grandfather.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I don't think he has this much family.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I'm Puerto Rican. All we have is family.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, no, But I think before the first Christmas, most of them get killed.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Don't be that way. Don't be. You're right, but I don't. But I. I really didn't have my. I only met my one grandfather once and my Puerto Rican grandfather. I don't even know if he's alive or dead right now. I gotta be honest with you. So this is not me.

[Yakov Smirnov]

This has white trash written on it. White. Specifically white trash.

[Rachel Wolfson]

And who is the biggest white trash person on this panel?

[Yakov Smirnov]

Jay.

[Big J. Okerson]

But I'm Jewish. We don't celebrate Christmas Eve.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yes, you do. You literally celebrate Christmas. You're a terrible Jew.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Now.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Or in my opinion, a great Jew.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yeah, you're full Jewish.

[Big J. Okerson]

My dad's not Jewish, but I grew up with. My dad left when I was three.

[Yakov Smirnov]

The red herring, folks.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. No, my uncles wouldn't. This wouldn't be a story that could possibly be me.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Maybe it is fist fight that is the weakest argument on a Christmas Eve.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, if we're talking about the Jewish uncles, my uncle Mark, who was like a kind of a rough and tumble heroin addict, would beat the shit out of my super Jewy Uncle Barry. Uncle Barry would get Fucked up over. So it's not a fist fight. It would be a one sided ass kicking from my bikery Jewish uncle Mark to my very nebbishy tucking his shirt on a fucking weekend Jewish lot of allergies type guy.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Right.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Rachel, what type of family did you come from?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Normal. Not really. They. They're Jewish.

[Rachel Wolfson]

They're Jew wolfs.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But not. Yeah, but not like like super Jew. They're like. They're not like. They're not like tunnel Jews. They're above ground.

[Big J. Okerson]

Nice Jewish. But maybe your uncles were fist fighting because they were pissed off they couldn't celebrate Christmas.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't know. This screams Soviet Union to me.

[Big J. Okerson]

I tell you, it's very, very possible. We a tough Russian upbringing does seem like your dad might have to punch one of the uncles in the face on Christmas Eve.

[Rachel Wolfson]

My uncle's fist fights for heat.

[Yakov Smirnov]

For heat.

[Rachel Wolfson]

It was so cold they needed to move and create friction.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Like the Flash. No, I think this is. Rachel. Because only women really think about their grandfathers all the time.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He's not wrong.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Right?

[Big J. Okerson]

You eyed. I feel. This doesn't feel like Yakov to me. Well, but it does.

[Brendan Sagalo]

We didn't. We didn't celebrate Christmas. It was not allowed. Yeah, it's true. It was not allowed.

[Big J. Okerson]

Jehovah's Witnesses?

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, communists.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Oh, right.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Wait, a communist Russia. You weren't allowed to celebrate Christmas?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Correct.

[Rachel Wolfson]

That sucks.

[Big J. Okerson]

Or Santa has to bring everybody the exact same thing. 1 billion and chia pets, please.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Everyone get bottle of vodka.

[Big J. Okerson]

Even little ones.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Well, they. They changed it. You know, they didn't allow Christmas, but they moved the tree and the decorations to New Year's instead of Santa Claus with Father Frost.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You mean Arnold Schwarzenegger from the Batman movie?

[Brendan Sagalo]

The what?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, never mind. It was a bad joke. It was a bad joke.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Two of these in the morning.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Maybe it's Sagalo though. Saglow. You're out here accusing everybody left and right.

[Yakov Smirnov]

That's true. I would think it was me if I was doing that.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, and I found out that Sagalos is like a Long island piece of shit with a bunch of dumb dagos that probably punch each other.

[Rachel Wolfson]

He's a fucking wigger. Their uncles beat the shit out of each other.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Okay, hold on, you guys. Don't turn on me. This couldn't possibly me it be me.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Why?

[Rachel Wolfson]

You couldn't even. You couldn't even get the sentence out.

[Yakov Smirnov]

No, this just never happened. I would understand if it if. Because I would think it was me if I were you. But it just I swear to God. I swear on my mother that this.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Your mother is a.

[Yakov Smirnov]

You can still swear on a. That's actually how I get off. I stand above him going, you know, Rachel.

[Big J. Okerson]

Rachel's awful quiet, though. But. Yeah, but if you're Jewish, why Christmas Eve doesn't really.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yeah. But resonate.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We still. We're still around on Christmas Eve. Like, we celebrate others.

[Big J. Okerson]

People's Christmas Eves with the whole family.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

With someone's family.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Oh, did you guys drink on Christmas?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We drink every day.

[Yakov Smirnov]

There you go. My family's a bunch of sober idiots.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. With the fury of a thousand lions inside of them.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wait, you're Jewish?

[Yakov Smirnov]

I'm half Jewish. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And you're Jewish. And I'm Jewish.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Secondly, you're half Jewish.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Which Half the top.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Look at us. Yeah. My dad. My dad is Jewish.

[Big J. Okerson]

Really? That's not really that Jewish.

[Yakov Smirnov]

No.

[Big J. Okerson]

Your mom's got to be Jewish.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yes. So you got to come out of a Jewish.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's Sagalo. Jewish.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You talking about Big J.

[Big J. Okerson]

You.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I have no idea who this is. No one's giving us.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm down to Sagalo or Rachel.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I swear to God, bro, this is not you.

[Big J. Okerson]

Right. You don't even have multiple uncles.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Right.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm going one aunt. She's like 100.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I'm gonna start the. The voting right now. I'm going Big J. Okerson. Really something shady about the way he's acting right now.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Because you're accusing everybody, too.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Here we go.

[Yakov Smirnov]

But I'm gonna say Rachel, because, I don't know, you just seem like somebody whose family would fight each other.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Thank you, Saglow.

[Big J. Okerson]

Did you grow up with your mom or your dad?

[Yakov Smirnov]

Both of them.

[Big J. Okerson]

What, they love each other still?

[Yakov Smirnov]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But I did grow up. They separated, and then. And then divorced once I was out of the house. It was one of those.

[Big J. Okerson]

You're already gone, but your mom would still make your dad celebrate Christmas. Yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Even though they waited, it was still your fault.

[Brendan Sagalo]

What?

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. It was all you. If you would have been better, they would have stayed together.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Well, yeah. Yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Rachel says Yakov. Yakov's the last to vote. Oof.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Dear diary, I still think about Captain Frost.

[Big J. Okerson]

Captain Frost or whatever. God bless my family with a chia Peter.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm going with Big J.

[Big J. Okerson]

All right, all right.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Here we go now.

[Big J. Okerson]

Poor Uncle Barry.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Well, who'd you vote for?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yakov.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Oh, my God.

[Big J. Okerson]

She said if she called it early, she said the smells of Russian. Of Mother Russia.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My uncle's fist like, who tucks, right? Like the fist.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Fist.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Very specific.

[Big J. Okerson]

Could have been Lewis, too. Well, everybody's in.

[Alex]

Alex, story number one belongs to Brendan Sagalo.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, you fools.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I fooled you fools.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, he just.

[Yakov Smirnov]

All of you except for one. So do I not get a point for that?

[Big J. Okerson]

Are you not even half Jewish, you piece of.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yeah, I am half Jewish, but we kind of forgot about that. We celebrated one year. My dad tried to make us celebrate hanukkah at, like 14. So we've had like 14 years of presents and Christmas and happy. And then he tried to do anxiety and sadness.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, let's slow it down a little bit.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Slowed it down. Dreidels, chocolate, gold.

[Big J. Okerson]

There's something so great about having to celebrate boring ass Hanukkah for a bunch of years and then finding out you get some Christmas. Having Christmas removed and replaced with Hanukkah is probably what caused that little skirmish up in Gaza. I think there's a dust. I think there's a bit of a dust happening over there.

[Rachel Wolfson]

So, Sakala, what happened here with your uncles?

[Yakov Smirnov]

Well, they. They fist fought each other. Yeah, I was. I was playing Santa that year too, so I was still dressed up as Santa.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You were wearing that outfit.

[Yakov Smirnov]

This is cool. Santa. This is MC Santa.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Me.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yeah. And then my grandpa tried to get in, like, being like, stop it, stop it. And then one guy kept throwing, so he just.

[Big J. Okerson]

Just.

[Yakov Smirnov]

God hit him right in the face. And I'm dressed as Santa. Seeing all of this, you know, it was.

[Big J. Okerson]

How old was grandpa? Still had it, huh? Was he a merchant marine or something?

[Yakov Smirnov]

Oh, yeah. He went. He went out. He was. He was. Until he. He asked for death. Isn't that. Isn't that ballsy?

[Big J. Okerson]

Like, yelled at God like the Truman Show.

[Yakov Smirnov]

He was. They. They took him to a hospice and he was just like, just stop feeding me. Like he was still there. He could have kept going.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I wish they would have done the same with you.

[Yakov Smirnov]

You know, the minute I said that, I knew that was coming. I go, fuck you, dude. Yeah. So they just fought and then. And it was really funny. But to only me. I got yelled at for laughing the fuck, right? Comedy fans.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's crazy. You should be able to laugh.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You were dressed.

[Big J. Okerson]

If you weren't crying.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You were dressed as Santa the whole time.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Dressed the Santa the entire.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Because you're a wigger. So you're like, yo, yo, yo.

[Big J. Okerson]

That was good. The crowd comes around, go get it.

[Yakov Smirnov]

You're not allowed to say that word anymore, by the way.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yo, wigger.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Why not?

[Big J. Okerson]

We took it back.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What about We Grow?

[Rachel Wolfson]

It's a great old Kurt Metzger joke. He's like, I'm not going to say we American.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yeah. So they fought. It was a big thing. I laughed at it. I got in trouble for laughing at it. I had to take my Santa suit off very sadly.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, cuz, you got in trouble for laughing with bunch of dumb uncles with steaks on their face.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yeah, dude.

[Big J. Okerson]

Jerk offs. Well, it paid off today, my friend. You fooled some people.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Do I get a point for that?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, I get a couple points. You get some points. Alex, go over, go over our scores.

[Alex]

All right. On the scoreboard, in second place, with two points, Big J Okerson.

[Big J. Okerson]

Out of.

[Alex]

The gate strong and in the lead with three points, Brendan Sagolo.

[Big J. Okerson]

Just so you guys know why this is big, if you follow the show, for those of you that are new, you should know that I'm terrible at this game.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yep.

[Big J. Okerson]

And I've been a part of everyone since day one. Ground level. We started this thing together and I've won four times.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Out of like 50 shows.

[Big J. Okerson]

Out of 50 some odd shows.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's getting excruciating. But here we go. Second place. It's not bad. Alex. Story number two.

[Alex]

Story number two. My elderly landlord got into a fist fight with my mother. My mother lost the fight because my landlord used a weapon on her.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I know this sounds like me.

[Big J. Okerson]

But.

[Rachel Wolfson]

My mom would up an old woman. I'm letting you know my mom could scrap.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, my mom's been in some scraps. Food. But this smells like a Russia story to me right here. Dude. An elderly landlord guy. It wasn't. They didn't even say an elderly landlord lady. It's like a woman fighting a guy and some war torn, stone built place.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I was imagining a female landlord, but this is probably true.

[Big J. Okerson]

And the mother only lost to this man because he used a fucking weapon.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Well, they have the weapons of mass destruction.

[Big J. Okerson]

That is true. That was never proven though. I mean, a lot of people said Drago's punches were his weapon. He killed our best black fighter.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Rachel. I'm getting Rachel vibes on this as we're reading this story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No similar thing happened, but not me similar.

[Yakov Smirnov]

That seems like just sealed the deal for me.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, that sounds like someone lying.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If I fist fights in your family.

[Yakov Smirnov]

They'Re not gonna put me after me again.

[Rachel Wolfson]

That happened.

[Big J. Okerson]

That happened.

[Rachel Wolfson]

It's all randomized.

[Yakov Smirnov]

No, no, no.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Your family loves fist fights. They love fisting.

[Big J. Okerson]

Your family is super stoked on fisting, dude.

[Yakov Smirnov]

It's the Jewish way.

[Big J. Okerson]

Not your dad's side, but it was going.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Rachel, did your family rent? No, they own. This is. These guys are. These are some highfalutin Jews. They could.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They could do both.

[Rachel Wolfson]

They rented and they. They.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Are you allowed to, like, lie? Like, could she have just lied to you?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yes.

[Big J. Okerson]

100.

[Rachel Wolfson]

It's a whole game, Brendan.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I should have just said my uncles were dead.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yes.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Should have. Like, they died in a. Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Fist fight. They died in that fist fight. They threw that punch from the end of Rocky 3 when they both.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I mean, Jay. Jay recently told a story about his mom getting into a fight with a crazy woman in the neighborhood.

[Big J. Okerson]

She don't.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Around. Your mom does fight people.

[Big J. Okerson]

Absolutely. I don't remember our landlord growing up at all, but she never fought him, that's for sure. And no one ever used a weapon on her. But this does sound like a very Philly. Philly, trash all day, single mom, promiscuous slut story.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You know, like that in the Fresh Prince. In the beginning, instead of him getting into a fight, his mom was on a basketball court.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Fighting.

[Big J. Okerson]

My mom got one little fight and then called me a pussy for not helping and then sent me to go live with my gay uncles in fucking Bel Air.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You're moving with your two eyes.

[Big J. Okerson]

I pulled up.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I'm leaning Rachel or Yakov? Yakov. How. How was. Did your mom ever get into fistfights when you were younger?

[Brendan Sagalo]

She was tough. Would she lose if. If it was with my dad and my mom, she would win. Yes. But, wow, landlord wise, we don't have. We didn't have property there.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Was there?

[Rachel Wolfson]

You have to really can understand the. The infrastructure of communist Russia.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

In order to really nail Yakov on.

[Big J. Okerson]

One of these stories, I have to believe everything he says.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I don't know how it works. I have no idea how it works.

[Big J. Okerson]

Pancakes were illegal.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Like, we didn't have a wall. We had roofs or anything like that.

[Brendan Sagalo]

We had walls. Berlin walls. Yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Maybe this is Rachel. I don't know.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I think it's Rachel.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Rachel's being very quiet and coy.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I'm just gonna ask. Is this you?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it's totally me.

[Big J. Okerson]

That seals it for me.

[Brendan Sagalo]

She takes a shot.

[Big J. Okerson]

Women never lie to kill her. Believe all women.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Hashtag. Me too, everybody.

[Big J. Okerson]

Lewis, stop flirting by writing her whole name out.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Ms. Wolfson. Hey, big J. Three votes for Rachel. Well, Alex, all of our answers are in.

[Alex]

Oh, you guys. This story belongs to Louis J. Gomez.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, my God.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's why you wrote her full name.

[Yakov Smirnov]

You were taking it In.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I was so happy. Yeah. My mom was a piece of shit, and she would regularly just get into fight with everyone in the neighborhood. And our landlord was an old lady, and my mom was, like, fighting with her about probably not paying the rent or something. And I remember my mom's, like, sort of.

[Big J. Okerson]

He was righteous. The landlord was righteous. No, you did the right thing.

[Rachel Wolfson]

She sort of swinging. Sort of swinging on this old lady. But the old lady was hanging, like, clothes, so she had a bunch of hangers in her hand and started whacking my mom in the face with these hangers. Wire. No, they're the plastic ones.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Those hurt?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. And. Yeah. And she. Yeah. I was like, see mom how it feels? And, yeah, My mom got. She got the best of my mom. This old lady got the best of my mom right in front of me. Then I had to look down at my feet and act like I didn't see.

[Big J. Okerson]

Dude, watching your mom.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Your mom should have wrote a book.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

This is chapter three, Lewis's book.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Damn.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, that's a. I just cleaned the up.

[Big J. Okerson]

So your mom got beat up by an old lady. But it doesn't matter because you made points right now, Alex.

[Alex]

All right. On the scoreboard, in third place, with two points, Big J, Ohio.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I'm playing the game. You are.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm playing the game.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

I don't want you behind me. I want to win you over.

[Alex]

In second place, with three points, Brendan Sagolo.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Whoa.

[Brendan Sagalo]

And then.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Damn.

[Alex]

And in the lead with four points, Louis J. Gomez.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well played, Rachel.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I'm gonna need you to fight a little bit more when we all think it's you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I have no idea what's going on.

[Big J. Okerson]

Alex. Story number three.

[Alex]

Story number three. I was hired to perform at a strip club between strippers. An unhappy customer who only wanted strippers had a shotgun. They threatened to blow my head off. Brings a totally different meaning to the phrase, I'm dying up here.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Damn. Putting a joke in this is so funny.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I mean, this.

[Big J. Okerson]

I thought it was Yakov. Yeah, for sure.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Be like, knock, knock. Here's my story.

[Big J. Okerson]

I was thinking Rachel, possibly because she was doing. And they were like, are you gonna take your. Like, they don't know. Are you taking your clothes off, too? And they got pissed off at you?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. No. Do they have strippers in the Soviet Union?

[Brendan Sagalo]

You don't want to look it down. We had an expression, russia, women are like buses. That. That was it.

[Big J. Okerson]

Self explanatory.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Maybe that's why the customer was unhappy.

[Rachel Wolfson]

But this could be Yako. Has been performing in America for. You know, how. I mean, how long now?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I've been here for 47 years.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. So this was a gig. I think this is a gig back in the 80s. This is where you take any gig that they throw at you. And he. Yeah, he got us to perform. And I mean, a shotgun. That's a Midwest. This wasn't in Russia.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, this was definitely not in Russia.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No. No shotguns there. No, no, they. They. No weapons.

[Big J. Okerson]

Just rocks and whips and.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I mean, they. Well, people don't have. No, people don't have weapons in the Soviet Union. They don't have strip clubs either.

[Rachel Wolfson]

What a depressing place.

[Brendan Sagalo]

That's why I came here.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. For the strip clubs and the weapons.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, for the strip clubs.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's why you can buy all their hottest chicks in the mail.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, I mean, I have.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is big, Jeff.

[Big J. Okerson]

I've. I've never performed in a strip club, but I've.

[Rachel Wolfson]

And also, Big J's never written a joke. That's not. Yeah, there's no way.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Brings totally different meaning to the phrase. Are you too.

[Big J. Okerson]

I sent it along with a picture of me doing this.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I mean, I've performed at strip clubs before a few times at this point, but all the customers there were happy when I was up on stage.

[Big J. Okerson]

Really? They were like, leave those bitches in the back. Do more stuff. Do more. Not pussy.

[Rachel Wolfson]

We went to the. We went. We did the Hustler Club in Detroit, like, three years in a row. And every time they would give it, they would pay us in cash. And every time, we would walk out with no money.

[Big J. Okerson]

They didn't even pay you in the regular cash. They paid you in, like, the club.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Cash City. Bucks.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, Titty bucks.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Rachel, have you performed at a strip club? Do you want to.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, okay. I'll perform anywhere nice. Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

I say, I feel like this would be a job also, like, they'd offer to a female comedian. You know what I mean?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Nobody's throwing. Threatening to blow Rachel's head off.

[Big J. Okerson]

That psychotic for not pulling her titties out at a strip club.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They might be really upset.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, maybe. She grew up in, like, a woods.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Does Rachel have titties? Oh, you do. Look at that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I brought them out today.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I didn't notice.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, thank you.

[Big J. Okerson]

You are. You are classless.

[Rachel Wolfson]

What?

[Big J. Okerson]

You're nice. First time on the show. You.

[Rachel Wolfson]

All right? I'm gonna get the voting going. I say Yakov Smirnoff. We all thought it was him in the beginning. Nobody really changed their mind on it.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Because it could be any. It could be. It could be Rachel. But I think they wouldn't be unhappy to say, because they'd be like, if we. Well, I think if they'd be like, if we laugh, maybe she'll take her shirt off. And Jay, I don't think would put the joke there. So.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. I gotta think of it on the spot.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yakov is my vote.

[Big J. Okerson]

I also am going. Yakov.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Another vote for Big J. I'm starting.

[Big J. Okerson]

To think I might be the only person whose name he knows.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Alex, all of our answers are in.

[Alex]

Story number three belongs to Yakov Smirnoffs.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yes. Yes.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You fooled no one. Now you must move them back to Russia.

[Brendan Sagalo]

There you go. That's what I was afraid of. That this. Where was this show will end up like this?

[Big J. Okerson]

What city was this in?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Anchorage, Alaska.

[Big J. Okerson]

Holy.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Oh, my God.

[Big J. Okerson]

Was it the Great Alaskan Bush Company place? Because I know they have, like, comedy and stuff.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I think it was a classy strip joint.

[Big J. Okerson]

Was called Classy Strip Joint.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Classy Strip joint. And they hired us a couple of comedians to go between. Between strippers. And they thought it would be. It was a good idea to make some extra money for, you know, And. And this was true. And the guy. I walked on stage after a stripper, and the guy said, I'm gonna. I'm gonna blow your head off. And. And I believed him. That was. That was the shortest show I ever had, you know?

[Yakov Smirnov]

Well, at a strip club, blowing someone's head off can mean two different things, you know, like, oh.

[Big J. Okerson]

That is true. Yakov. Perhaps that Eskimo was trying to suck your dick.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, but. But I liked that gig. That was a good gig because there was. You were hanging out with all the strippers. Yeah, I ended up dating one of them. And her name was Pillow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Why did they name her Pillow?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Well, it's probably not her real name. It's probably real.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's not a family name.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I don't think so. I. Oh, wow. I think real name was Blanket or something like that, you know? No, I. I don't. But it was Pillow that I was. I was dating for a while.

[Rachel Wolfson]

How long did you date Pillow?

[Big J. Okerson]

For?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Two. Two weeks.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Did you ever. Did you ever learn her real name? Why?

[Big J. Okerson]

Did you get jealous when you'd see her dance after that and guys looking at her?

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, no, I was looking at her and I thought it was good that they were looking at her that way. Better than in Russia, you know, that nobody wanted to look at them.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's fair.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Did you guys Ever fight.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Pillow fight. Yes.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yeah. He punched her a couple times just to soften her up.

[Big J. Okerson]

What are our scores? The same thing. Just everybody got two more points.

[Alex]

Pretty much. All right. On the scoreboard. In fourth place, with two points, Rachel Wolfson.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, I'm on the board.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Who's on the board?

[Alex]

In third place with four points, Big J Okerson. In second place with five points, Brennan Sagalo. And in the lead with six points, Louis J. Gomez.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Young writers day is coming home with me.

[Big J. Okerson]

You know it is, dude. As the school buzzes with creative energy, tensions rise between students vying for the spotlight. Friendships are tested, rivalries flare, and Marlee must decide what matters more. Winning or staying true to her voice. With the help of her quirky writing group, she begins to uncover the truth behind the anonymous story and learns that sometimes the best stories come from the most unexpected places, including her own messy, beautiful life. Just Brie. It's just Brie. The late justbree.

[Rachel Wolfson]

All right, let's take a quick moment and thank Turtle beach for supporting today's show. I'm wearing my Turtle beach headsets right now, Jay.

[Big J. Okerson]

I know you are. Turtle beach won my heart by getting involved in the the video game guitar world. Very impressed with that. Their headphones have been amazing. And, you know, I told you this a thousand times. I was the bell of the ball at Christmas, giving all of the gamer nerds in my family these headphones.

[Rachel Wolfson]

That was great, dude. The stealth seven hundreds, that's what I use. I use them to podcast when I'm on the road. That's how good the microphone is on them. The audio is richer, surround, sou, more immersive, and the battery lasts for a crazy 80 hours. 80 hours of battery life. You could game for a whole fucking week straight. And your battery is not going to die. Even has a quick charge feature. That's the most annoying thing when you have. When you are using wireless stuff. When it dies, you're like, well, now I can't fucking game. They got you covered. Genuinely incredible products. Not just the headsets, but they have a bunch of amazing hardware, so check out what they got. Just go over to turtlebeach.com today and use the promo code wars with a Z. You're going to get 10% off your entire order and they already got great prices. Turtlebeach.com use that promo code wars with a Z W a r Z for 10% off your order today. Get the ultimate immersive gaming experience today with Turtle Beach. All right, where were we? Alex? Story number four.

[Alex]

Story Number four. A friend of mine got stabbed with a kitchen knife by his wife. A friend of mine got stabbed with a kitchen knife by his wife because he took away cookies that she was eating.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's a fat, angry lady.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. Only women will hang out with other fat women to make themselves feel hotter. This is a Rachel story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This does sound like someone I'd be friends with.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

And then she gossiped to all of her other friends about her fat bitch friend got stabbed with a kitchen knife.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You.

[Big J. Okerson]

You are over cookies. This pig. It does feel like that. Also, in Mother Russia, you get stabbed for some cookies. Honestly, it's just sustenance at that point.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. We do not have cookies in Russia.

[Big J. Okerson]

You have to wait in line for bread. You have to stab for your cookies.

[Rachel Wolfson]

There were no Chips Ahoy. There were no Oreos.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'd murder for sugar cookie taste blood of another for one snickerdoodle.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. I mean, a friend of mine got stabbed with a kitchen knife by his wife.

[Big J. Okerson]

I mean, we all are just trying to watch you explain how this can. Couldn't be you. I feel like you're the only one involved in stabbing stuff.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Do you. Hold on. Do you think that by his wife. Oh, oh, there's a guy that got stabbed. I was imagining. I'm sorry. I imagined it being a woman that got stabbed.

[Big J. Okerson]

The friend got stabbed by his wife because he took away the cookies. It is weird. You know what, Rachel? And I'll tell you exactly why real quick. This is her first time playing the game. This isn't even a story about her. She just always goes, hey, a person I know got stabbed. Vile story.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Well, it's a friend.

[Big J. Okerson]

Hmm.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I think that counts. It's a friend.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's got. Any one of us could know somebody who got stabbed by someone.

[Rachel Wolfson]

My father was stabbed by somebody.

[Big J. Okerson]

Right. And I know you, so I'm saying I'm always one degree of Kevin Bacon from a good stabbing story.

[Rachel Wolfson]

That's true.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think it's you.

[Big J. Okerson]

Me?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, throw it down, sweetheart.

[Rachel Wolfson]

She just read the word cookies.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's fair. I do. Look, I've been involved in cookie stabbings.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's either you or Brendan.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yeah. Jay's like. And that's. That husband was me.

[Big J. Okerson]

Dude. Fucking El Fudge. Or those fudge stripes, Dude, I'll fucking bite a bitch's nose off.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, for a Tate. Oh, I love a Tate.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's new shit.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Shut up, dude.

[Big J. Okerson]

Talking about an old El Fudge or something.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Those are shit cookies.

[Big J. Okerson]

You're shit cookies. Your family's all dead from drugs and shit.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think. Actually, I don't know. It's got to be one of you.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Maybe someone from this table.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I don't know. Rachel's been talking a lot this round. Doing a lot of deflecting there, Ace stabby.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, I know. We. Look, we are story warriors. We would not. This wouldn't even register as a story in my mind. I'm. I'm gonna say I agree with Big J. I think this is Rachel. I was gonna say Feinstein. Rachel Wolfson.

[Big J. Okerson]

Why? You didn't have to say what the mistake was gonna be.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Well, I'm gonna write Rachel Feinstein now.

[Big J. Okerson]

Crazy what you just did.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Whatever.

[Big J. Okerson]

Rachel. I was gonna call you Rachel Feinstein, but Rachel. Whatever her actual last name is.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Damn. But this also does scream like Philly, you know?

[Big J. Okerson]

Absolutely.

[Yakov Smirnov]

So it could be Big J, or it could be Feinstein.

[Big J. Okerson]

You know what?

[Yakov Smirnov]

You know, she's been pretty quiet.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Rachel Feinstein.

[Rachel Wolfson]

When I think of a Jew named Rachel Feinstein is where my head.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Where are you from, Rachel?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Many places.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Do these places have cookies?

[Big J. Okerson]

I think we might be overlooking Yakov here.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Why? Why? Why me?

[Big J. Okerson]

You might know somebody who was stabbed by a wife over cookies.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, I don't. Well, I wouldn't know.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Now, this isn't Yakov. Because it would end with. And that's the way the cookie crumb.

[Big J. Okerson]

Really gives new meaning to the phrase. That's Brendan Sagalo, Rachel Wilson, and Louis J. Gomez.

[Yakov Smirnov]

All right, I'm saying old Rachel.

[Big J. Okerson]

Is that everybody? All right, everybody's locked in. Alex.

[Alex]

Story number four belongs to Yakov Smirno.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yakov, you son of a. Wow.

[Yakov Smirnov]

That was great.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Wow.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Who was his friend? You.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You would know him. Tom. Tom Arnold. Tom Arnold got stabbed.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Roseanne.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. What, for taking away cookies? Yeah, it just sounds like a. A fake insult you'd make up in a rap song or something.

[Brendan Sagalo]

They. They. They were supposed to lose weight. Razan and Tom Arnold and Janie. Janie Craig gave him 20. $20 million to lose weight. And they couldn't do it, so. So they vouched to, like, to be each other's sponsor, to make. To stop the other person from doing something that they shouldn't be doing. And he walked into the kitchen and. And she was eating Jenny Craig's cookies, and. And. And he grabbed her the bag and. And then there was a knife, you know, and she just stabbed him in.

[Big J. Okerson]

The arm or like.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, in the chest.

[Big J. Okerson]

She tried.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Jesus Christ.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. Yeah. He's got a scar and everything.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Holy shit.

[Rachel Wolfson]

This is also the least crazy thing Roseanne's ever done.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm not sure that's the crazy thing.

[Big J. Okerson]

It was the weirdest thing she did that year. Yeah. Holy shit. That's a shake up in score, right? Wow.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Alex, where are our points at?

[Alex]

All right on the scoreboard. In last place with two points, Rachel Wolfson.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Thank you.

[Alex]

Next up, I have a tie with four points each, Big J. Okerson and Yakov Smirnoff.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Alex]

In second place with five points, Brendan Sagolo. And in the lead with six points, Lewis J. Gomez.

[Rachel Wolfson]

That's right. Jews. Six points.

[Big J. Okerson]

Is that the fourth story?

[Rachel Wolfson]

That was the fourth story. Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Holy shit. This is a tight game.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Rachel, you're still in this. Don't worry.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Big J. Okerson]

You didn't come for nothing. This is the halfway point of the show. We go around, do plugs real quick. Yakov, anything you want to plug, my friend.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I'm Tom Arnold's chest wound.

[Big J. Okerson]

Jenny Craig.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, he is actually. It was telling. I have a podcast called Comedy Couch and that was the last podcast that I did with Tom Arnold and he shared that story. Yeah. And so what's coming up? I'm doing the Tonight show with Jimmy Fallon. Tuesday. This Tuesday?

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

So that will be good.

[Rachel Wolfson]

A real. A real step down from here at Story Wars.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Trying. I'm trying to get down to the bottom. Yes. And. And then I'm doing on the 25th of June, Grand Ole Opry for the first time.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, wow.

[Big J. Okerson]

Nice.

[Brendan Sagalo]

That will be fun.

[Big J. Okerson]

This first time doing Jimmy Fallon.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Jimmy Fallon. Yeah. I did Johnny Carson show Jimmy Fallon.

[Big J. Okerson]

Just like gay Johnny Carson.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Should I. Should I mention it to him on Tuesday? Yeah. It's the first time. Yes.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Hell yeah, Sagolow.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Just listen to my podcast sag Daddy depod and follow me on Instagram and all that stuff. Thank you.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Nice.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Oh, and punch up dot live. Brendan Saglow or whatever the that is.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Rachel at Rachel Wolfson on Instagram. Follow my DMS page. Wolfie. Dms. You can see what. What people DM me on the Internet.

[Rachel Wolfson]

What you're going to show them what.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I DM you anonymously because there's like wives and children and jobs involved. So I keep it.

[Big J. Okerson]

You know, Lewis doesn't have any of those things.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Good. Nothing to lose.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Rachel Wolfson, comedy.com for upcoming dates and.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, hell yeah, Big J, bigjay comedy.com for all my dates. Look for me on a road Coming to a city near you Coming on a city near you on Big joker since Peter North American tour. If you get it, you get it it. And of course listen to the bonfire five days a week. Faction Talk, SiriusXM103 with me and the great Robert Kelly and of course the legendary Legion of Skanks right here at Gas Digital. And both my crowd work specials are available on YouTube now them they both parts available right now. Check those out please. Very cool.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Come see me on the road. Go to louisofscanks.com filming my next special in Tampa on June 12th. Tickets are sold out for those shows but you can get tickets for the warm up shows in Tampa on June 10th and 11th. A bunch of other dates coming up all throughout the summer and fall. So yeah, grab those tickets right now. Also, if you love this show, you should know that we do a pre release on the show every Monday night. You get it before it goes to YouTube or anywhere else. Just go to gasdigital.com it's uncensored and ad free. There's maybe 20 episodes that are no longer available on YouTube or anywhere else. So you get the entire on demand library plus thousands of hours of other amazing shows like Legion of Skanks and all the other great cast digital shows. I'm writing a book myself that'll probably be a thank you. It'll probably be a book that we give away on story wars at one point. It's called Knives and Spoons. It's available for pre order right now on Amazon.com and it's dark and funny and I think you guys will like it. And I got a bunch of other shit. So follow me on social media. Check out all the other pods, the regs, Legion of Skanks and that's that.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, boy. Rachel, I know this is your first time playing the game and we want you to feel welcome here and happy and not sad thinking you're out of this thing.

[Rachel Wolfson]

A lot of people at this point are like, oh, I'm checked out. I can't win.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, like I'm too far behind to win this thing.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Right? Like a loser.

[Big J. Okerson]

Right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't feel that way.

[Big J. Okerson]

What you're of course you're doing. Stop beating yourself up. It all irons itself out because for the final four stories we go double points. Wow.

[Rachel Wolfson]

No one saw that coming.

[Big J. Okerson]

No one saw that coming. So now if you need any more explanation before, if you fooled somebody, you got one point and if you guessed the right story, you got two points. Now that goes to double points.

[Rachel Wolfson]

So happy. They get so excited about it.

[Big J. Okerson]

So nobody is out of this game. It's a very tight one. It's getting heated up. Alex. Story number five.

[Alex]

Story number five. The first time I had flossed in months made my gums bleed really bad. I thought it would be funny to smear it all around my mouth and call my significant other in so when they opened the door, I could kick it and say they hit me in the face with it. I screamed and they cried.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Lewis.

[Big J. Okerson]

I was gonna say Rachel.

[Yakov Smirnov]

That's a good prank.

[Rachel Wolfson]

First of all, somebody has gum disease on this panel. It's a serious thing. Gingivitis.

[Big J. Okerson]

I thought Rachel right away, but now.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I am thinking, now, Rachel's got a beautiful smile. She flosses every day.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's fair.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Do you floss?

[Yakov Smirnov]

I floss every day.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That sound rehearsed?

[Yakov Smirnov]

It's getting a little hot in here, isn't it, folks? Now, this is such a chick thing to do. I know. I keep voting for you, but that's a chick.

[Rachel Wolfson]

It is a very chick type of prank, but it's also disgusting.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Women do disgusting pranks.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we do. 100%. I feel like, what do they use to floss in the Soviet Union?

[Rachel Wolfson]

We do not have floss. Floss was not allowed in Soviet Russia.

[Big J. Okerson]

We dragon whisker.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Dragon whisker.

[Brendan Sagalo]

They. They. Nobody even knew about floss. What is.

[Big J. Okerson]

I believe that. I believe that.

[Yakov Smirnov]

They'Re like, oh, the thing to kill presidents with. Shut up. You'll get that on the way home. You know, like a fucking.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I got it.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Like piano wire.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Good. I mean, it does. This does seem like a womanly sort of.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What. When was the last time you flossed?

[Rachel Wolfson]

May I floss twice a day? And I waterpik.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, water pick. Yeah. Is that a recent thing?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yes, somewhat. A couple years ago. But I mean, now I can't live without my water pick. Guys. Waterpik.com use promo code. Lewis, it's incredible. I mean, I. Dude, I. I tell you right now, I used to not give a at all. But now you floss, and then you water pick. You see exactly how much you miss with the floss. Oh, my God. You have no idea how much food is in your disgusting gums right now.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, this is definitely Louis. I mean, what a story. Because it's so new to you. You're 45.

[Rachel Wolfson]

No way. I think this is big J.

[Big J. Okerson]

Okay.

[Rachel Wolfson]

He started the voting off early. He's not.

[Big J. Okerson]

That was crazy, what you just told. You're like. You're like, I'm giving people great oral hygiene. You know, Stuff comes out when you've lost. Like you had an epiphany. You're in your 40s. That's crazy.

[Yakov Smirnov]

No, no, no.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Water picking is different than flossing, Jay.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm aware, but you're, like, blowing. Yes. What are you making a face for?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Because I don't believe you water pick as much as I do.

[Big J. Okerson]

As much as.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Rachel, you're a fool. Rachel, you're a dumb fool. I'm pissed off that I complimented your smile.

[Big J. Okerson]

Your smile sucks. Actually.

[Yakov Smirnov]

A lot of.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's not the flossing part. That. That I.

[Rachel Wolfson]

What? What is the part?

[Big J. Okerson]

He's a cornball making a stupid ass joke.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think it's the. I think it's the part where you called your significant other to. Actually, no. Maybe I take that back. Maybe it's Brendan.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I haven't had a significant other in 14 years.

[Big J. Okerson]

But you floss non stop.

[Yakov Smirnov]

And I love a floss.

[Alex]

Let me see your teeth.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, he does not floss.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I floss.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm just kidding. You do.

[Rachel Wolfson]

No, Bretta. You do have little tiny teeth.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Fine. Guess it's me.

[Big J. Okerson]

And lose.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I do have little tiny teeth.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Big J, what's your dental history?

[Big J. Okerson]

What do you mean? I had braces.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Rachel Wolfson]

And now he has veneers like a.

[Big J. Okerson]

This is why we can't go mainstream with this show. I do.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You like flossing?

[Big J. Okerson]

I do.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

I floss. And someone told me this was weird. I'm a in. I floss every day in the shower.

[Rachel Wolfson]

While he's jerking off.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, I tie it around my neck, but yeah, I floss. Yeah. Every day. I'm a big.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Why? Why did you get veneers?

[Big J. Okerson]

My teeth were crooked and I didn't have. I did the Invisaligns, but I have to do too much broadcasting to be like, oh, everybody. So I was just like, just fuck it and just give me new fresh teeth. Eight and six. It looks all right. Wait, Lewis, look.

[Rachel Wolfson]

My answer is Big J Okerson with his big fake smile. Because underneath that, it's a fucking goddamn.

[Big J. Okerson]

Nightmare they couldn't give you. You know what?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Sure.

[Big J. Okerson]

Lead people to believe it's me.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, you fools. Guys, Big J's gonna clean the fuck up right now.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Hold on, hold on.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Everybody's gonna clean up.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Let me think.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I mean, it's fine if you want to review. If you want Jay to go this far ahead, have him clean up. This is something that he would do to any one of his multiple fucking wives because you.

[Yakov Smirnov]

You guessed him.

[Rachel Wolfson]

He's still gonna clean Up. He gets a point or two. Double points. He's gonna clean up so deep and hard. Much deeper than he cleaned his fucking gums.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I'm trusting you.

[Big J. Okerson]

Wait, you're like in the. You're first and second. Your first place.

[Yakov Smirnov]

No, I'm in second place. Lewis is in first place.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I am.

[Big J. Okerson]

You're not. He's setting you up.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Okay, everybody shut up.

[Big J. Okerson]

He just convinced you that if he loses and you lose with him, nothing changes. He's still in the league.

[Rachel Wolfson]

He's manipulating you right now.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, he's manipulating you. That's crazy.

[Rachel Wolfson]

He goes lying through his bloody teeth.

[Yakov Smirnov]

That's bloody teeth.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I made my choice. But that doesn't mean anything.

[Yakov Smirnov]

But if I don't vote for you, huh, Then you just stay where you're at, right? Well, does anyone push me down if I vote?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We all push you down.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Boy, do I know it.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Your uncle, probably.

[Big J. Okerson]

He's trying to stop you from jumping ahead of him.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Jay. Whatever your name is. Brendan. Brendan, Rachel Feinstein.

[Big J. Okerson]

Lewis is frazzled.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I'm telling you. Jay is.

[Big J. Okerson]

It doesn't make any sense for Lewis.

[Rachel Wolfson]

No. Jay is playing you like a harp.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I'm thinking it's Jay, dude.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Jay is playing you like a.

[Big J. Okerson]

You're gonna be.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Can I touch your wrist and ask you.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Oh.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh. Do some human CIA lie detector test.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Is this you?

[Big J. Okerson]

No.

[Yakov Smirnov]

It moved a little bit, by the way. It's hard to go over you now.

[Rachel Wolfson]

She likes it.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Lewis. Is your name Lewis?

[Rachel Wolfson]

It is. My name is Lewis J. Gomez. All right.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Is today Sunday? Did you do this? Is this you?

[Rachel Wolfson]

No. He's trying to make. He's trying to make my blood pulse.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm going, Big J. Wow. Idiot.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Jay's pissed.

[Big J. Okerson]

Take him down with you, dude.

[Rachel Wolfson]

He wanted. He wanted those points. Alex. All of our answers are in.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Big J. Okerson.

[Yakov Smirnov]

That rules.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I got you, brother Jay.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, that was it. I mean, I had to pretty much put the whole story down to make it make any sense, but yeah. My girlfriend. This is pretty white trash. My girlfriend who lived at my parents house with me. I remember my fucking gums were hurting, so I flossed them and they started. It was profuse how much they were bleeding, where it went past being scary and started being funny. And then I go. And then I mushed it on my face and I went, cheryl, what a great white trash name, Cheryl. And she goes, yeah. And when she opened the door, I just, you know, I kicked it. I was like, no, you. And she's like screaming for This. I was like, it's really bad.

[Rachel Wolfson]

It's real bad.

[Big J. Okerson]

And then I was like, nah, it's just from flossing. And she was like, ew. Like, she was grossed out by that too. Like, what's wrong with your teeth? I go, oh, I don't think I take care of my gums. But all worth it. All worth it. What are you working in cahoots with Sagalo?

[Rachel Wolfson]

I don't work goods. I'm saying you were trying to get him to vote me.

[Big J. Okerson]

It was the right thing to do.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Wars, there's alliances and stuff.

[Rachel Wolfson]

That is true.

[Yakov Smirnov]

We can have alliances.

[Big J. Okerson]

Alex, what are our scores?

[Alex]

All right, in last place, with two points, Rachel Wolfson.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's not over, Rachel. It's not over.

[Alex]

In fourth place with four points, Yakov Smirnoff.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Alex]

In third place with eight points, Big J Okerson. In second place with nine points, Brendan Sagalo.

[Big J. Okerson]

Damn.

[Alex]

Second place, and in the lead with 10 points, Louis J. Gomez.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm on your ass, dude. Please.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Truly anybody's game. Except for Rachel, probably.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm just happy to be here.

[Rachel Wolfson]

All right, guys, let's take a quick moment and thank Body Brain Coffee for being a supporter of today's show. Body Brain Coffee is a coffee brand that I create treated right in my kitchen just to help you support your testosterone and brain function naturally. This isn't like other mushroom coffees that are out there. This is real premium freeze dried Colombian coffee that is packed with nootropics and adaptogens that naturally support your testosterone and brain function. It has Tonga ali, it has lion's mane, it's got ashwagandha L Theanine to smooth it all out in clinically proven doses. You just have to have one cup of coffee per day. Bring it on the go with you. Have it hot, have it cold, put it in a protein shake, whatever you need. Body Brain Coffee naturally has you covered. It tastes great and makes you feel great. Right now, we're doing an amazing deal and I'm doing this on all my podcasts. I decided to switch it up, right? Because if you're listening to my podcast, this is my product. I'm going to give you an extra deal. We're rolling out other podcast ads. You're going to start hearing about this on other podcasts and it's going to be less of a discount. We're doing just for my podcast. 25% off. Use the promo code. War 25. War 25. War 25. You're getting 25% off your entire order. Order A couple bags to your house. You're not going to regret it. It'll be shipped just in a couple days. It is clinically proven, third party tested. Give it a shot. Bodybraincoffee.com use that promo code. War 25 for 25% off today. All right, where were we?

[Big J. Okerson]

Alex?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Story number six.

[Alex]

Story number six. In high school, my sibling was getting bullied by a classmate. I confronted the bully at school and said, if you mess with my family, you mess with me. The bullying stopped.

[Big J. Okerson]

Wow. I mean, I guess got a moral. I just feel like if you mess with my family, you mess with me.

[Yakov Smirnov]

This is a very cool story. And then I said that cool thing and the bullying.

[Big J. Okerson]

And the bullying stopped.

[Yakov Smirnov]

And then I had a beer and ate some pussy. Sorry.

[Big J. Okerson]

I think. Can I make a guess here, please? There's a lot more to this story that had to be left out. And this is oddly. Rachel Wolfson.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I think. I think this could be Rachel's while she's got a sister who I believe is a senator or something.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Then she would be defending me if I got bullied now. No, in general.

[Big J. Okerson]

But when she was a nerd kid growing up to be a fucking senator or whatever, we had to kick her ass.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We didn't live in the same town. Going. Going to school. Growing up. I went to a boarding school. Troubled youth program.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Really?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

And then you would probably come back to.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I wasn't allowed to.

[Big J. Okerson]

To leave the boarding school. But eventually you did.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but she was already out of high school.

[Big J. Okerson]

Older than you.

[Rachel Wolfson]

She could also be making all of this up right now. Women are liars.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, you could look all this up.

[Big J. Okerson]

I just believe her though. For some reason.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You'Re mesmerized by her great smile. And you have bleeding gums. Murphy over here.

[Big J. Okerson]

My gums are good. Dude, give me a piece of floss right now. Dude, you can hang me from the ceiling by my gums. Nothing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Do you have siblings?

[Yakov Smirnov]

Who, me? Yeah, I. I have an older sister. But I. I guarantee you I would never say any of that. I also mess with you.

[Big J. Okerson]

You would rap it.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I would go. You and me, we're dancing. I'm gonna. We're doing a step up thing outside.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, I have an. I have an older sister.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I feel like it's Lewis.

[Brendan Sagalo]

How many?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

How did I even think about this with Lewis with his sister?

[Rachel Wolfson]

You think that I stopped my sister from being bullied?

[Big J. Okerson]

Yes.

[Rachel Wolfson]

That's insane. My sister was two years older than me. She's getting bullied by a Girl, you think I'd go up to her girl, bullies. And be like, you better stop. That's.

[Big J. Okerson]

What. Everything you just said makes me think it's you more than ever before.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You know, in fact, fact, in chapter five of my book, Knives and Spoons, you'll see that I did not do that. That's right around that age time.

[Big J. Okerson]

And I did not write in your name, and you're gonna have to convince me of otherwise.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Do you have any siblings?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm the only child.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, no.

[Rachel Wolfson]

In Russia, we are not allowed to have siblings.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, he had seven siblings, but they were all murdered at birth.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, no. We lived in a communal apartment, and my parents and I shared the bedroom till I was 26 years old. So when I was a little kid, my parents wanted to be romantic. They would send me to look out the window.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, my God. The hell was out the window? Just snow.

[Yakov Smirnov]

No.

[Brendan Sagalo]

And then. But then my dad would say, what do you. What do you see? And I go, our neighbors being romantic. And he said, how can you tell? I said, because their son is looking at me. And they told me. My parents told me I was the only child because we had only one window. So, no, I didn't have siblings, but.

[Big J. Okerson]

Maybe he felt like him and that kid were brothers and that kid got bullied and you picked on him. It could be a turn of phrase.

[Brendan Sagalo]

But I say, Louis, Louis, do you have siblings?

[Rachel Wolfson]

I have one older sister. I have a half brother and half sister that I've never met, but I have one older sister.

[Big J. Okerson]

It would be his sister who's two.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Years older than me.

[Big J. Okerson]

She was on the heavier side in high school and probably got a little.

[Rachel Wolfson]

She was in high school? She was very skinny and hot. She's watching.

[Big J. Okerson]

Why are you gonna put that on me? You put that on me now, dude.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Do you really believe that?

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, I gotta go. My gut.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Rachel.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, Lewis? I think you would go with your paperclip lip piercing and be like, you messing with my family. And you weren't even threatening, like, violence to a girl.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You were threatening, like, guys, guys. You're all so dumb. No, no, don't take your hand away. Why, Yakov?

[Yakov Smirnov]

Why?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Because logically speaking, you have an older sister.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Were you protecting your older fucking sister in high school? That's crazy.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I wasn't.

[Rachel Wolfson]

It's. My sister wasn't bullied. She was just a quiet nerd. She wasn't getting bullied.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's who gets bullied.

[Rachel Wolfson]

No, that. Not. Not girls. Girls don't get bullied. Nerd. Dudes get bullied. I did the bullying. I know.

[Big J. Okerson]

He's working so hard for nothing.

[Rachel Wolfson]

For nothing. It's so you don't get all the points, Jay. I think it's Big J now.

[Big J. Okerson]

That came out of nowhere.

[Rachel Wolfson]

No, I'll tell you why he's panicking. Jay has. Jay has a younger brother. Sure. Who's five feet tall.

[Big J. Okerson]

Can I tell you something? Let me tell you. I'll tell you this before you.

[Rachel Wolfson]

This is true.

[Big J. Okerson]

My little brother Bob, he's really tiny. He used to get fucked with in high school a lot. Now he's 11 years younger than me. So I'm much older than him. And I came back, I was visiting my mom one time, and he was telling me that. And he said, all these kids hanging out at this basketball court. And I went there and just flat out threatened those kids.

[Rachel Wolfson]

That's the whole story that we just read right here.

[Big J. Okerson]

They went, no, I didn't go. You messing my family, messing me. I go, if I hear anything from him again, I'm gonna beat the fucking shit out of you and all your friends. And they told their parents. And then the cops made me have to turn myself in. And they gave me some weird warning or something. But this is not. I didn't. If you mess with Quote. If you mess with my family, you mess with me. That is something. A young, dumb Lewis wrestling fan.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm telling you.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, my God. I, I. All right, maybe it's not Big J. The only reason why is because if I'm reading this, it says, I confronted. Confronted the. No. Oh, you're an idiot.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Done.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I confronted the bully at school, which I don't think you'd go to the school of the bully.

[Big J. Okerson]

Right.

[Rachel Wolfson]

And Bob, basketball courts. Rachel.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I think this is.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Rachel.

[Yakov Smirnov]

If a girl did this, it would turn me on.

[Big J. Okerson]

Did you even think about that?

[Yakov Smirnov]

Lewis and I can't get a boner here.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You guys are all fools. Alex, read the answer. You idiots. You stupid idiots. Except for one of you who's a genius.

[Alex]

This story belongs to Rachel Wolfson.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Damn.

[Big J. Okerson]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sorry about your boner.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I gotta go to the bathroom.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Rachel, was it all. You didn't go to a boarding school?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No. All of that was true.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Was it all a lie?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I did.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I get. I did get sent to a troubled unit youth program. But before I got sent to that, I went. My sister was getting bullied at school by this stupid girl. And my sister would come home crying every day, and I was like, I'm gonna go talk to her. So I Went to pick up my sister from school and I walked in and I found this girl and I was like, if you. If you're messing with my sister, you're messing with me. And she never bothered my sister again.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Hell yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Woo.

[Big J. Okerson]

Jewish bullies. Who just saw that coming?

[Rachel Wolfson]

I did.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, right.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I saw it coming, you idiots.

[Big J. Okerson]

That wasn't your diary.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Alex, where are our points at?

[Alex]

All right. In last place with four points, Yakov Smirnoff.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Wow. It's okay, Yakov. You're killing on this show either way.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Tied with eight points each, Big J Okerson and Rachel Wolfson. In second place with nine points, Brendan Sagalo. And in the lead with 14 points, Luis J. Gomez.

[Big J. Okerson]

Fuck.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Alex. Story number seven.

[Alex]

Story number seven. When I was in high school, I got into a fight where my head hit the concrete and I woke up in a hospital. I still don't have any recollection of that day.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Did the bullying not stop?

[Rachel Wolfson]

She just forgot that it didn't stop.

[Yakov Smirnov]

She goes, oh, wait. Oh, wait, they killed someone. I know.

[Big J. Okerson]

This feels. I'm gonna go sagolo.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I'm getting a sago vibe too.

[Yakov Smirnov]

You think I hit my head?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Yakov Smirnov]

You think I've hit my head before?

[Rachel Wolfson]

I think you're a.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Obviously you did.

[Big J. Okerson]

I feel like the word high school wasn't used in Russia. It would be like calling upper middle academics or something.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Early in high school, we had one window.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yes. That was all the lessons you needed.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I think this is Big J.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's possible.

[Rachel Wolfson]

No, I feel like I would have heard this if this was Big J. This is one of the things about me and Big J doing podcasts together for so long that I would have heard of a story where he got knocked out and hit his head on the concrete and woke up.

[Big J. Okerson]

Maybe you forgot that I told it because you hit your head on.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's what my head did that day.

[Yakov Smirnov]

But that's not a good argument either, because you would have heard the gum story. You would have heard stories that he.

[Rachel Wolfson]

The gum story. That's embarrassing. You shouldn't have even shared it here. Not for. Not for those points.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I didn't fight anybody. I was in high school. I was a little goth girl. I was just going to the mall and. Yeah, but you're allowed to live in Smith movies and.

[Big J. Okerson]

But sometimes. Sometimes a fight will happen to you.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I don't. Not me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Were you popular in high school?

[Yakov Smirnov]

You better believe it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's a no.

[Big J. Okerson]

You better believe it.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I think you're Making some. Some headway with Rachel right now. Sagalo. She's in, dude. She's on the ropes saga. You were never in a fight in high school?

[Yakov Smirnov]

No, not in high school, no.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What?

[Big J. Okerson]

Wow. Okay. He said, I was never in a fight, and then this time, he said, no, not in high school.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Not in high school.

[Rachel Wolfson]

When did you get into a fight?

[Yakov Smirnov]

I mean, yeah, when I was older. It's happened. I have gotten into fight. Well, it might be one of my stories.

[Big J. Okerson]

Louis, you fought only as an adult.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Only as an adult.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Well, no, you. There's a space between adult and high school.

[Rachel Wolfson]

No, there's not.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yes, there is.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You go from high school to adult.

[Yakov Smirnov]

College.

[Big J. Okerson]

College, where you start your fighting.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I went to three colleges. That's how smart I am.

[Big J. Okerson]

You always got kicked out for beating the out of somebody. You always beat up the wheelchair kid. And they'd make you move to colleges. This guy doesn't learn.

[Yakov Smirnov]

That's when I really got my fighting out in community college.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm trying to sway my own mind for any reason to say, this isn't Sagalo, but everything in my mind is coming up son of a Sagalo. So I will throw my hat in first.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Wow.

[Big J. Okerson]

Brendan sags.

[Yakov Smirnov]

All right. Lose. I don't care.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I'm also saying Brendan.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Oh, my God.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, my God. Yakov. Just had to learn your name to guess you. That's how much he knows it's you.

[Yakov Smirnov]

All right, all right. I guess I'm just gonna have to guess what I think. Who it is.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I don't know.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I mean, I don't know.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You took Alex's job away.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Alex, make it official.

[Alex]

That story belongs to Brendan Sagalo.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I don't like lying.

[Big J. Okerson]

I don't even fight. So feel good. Do fights even happen? Are fights even a thing?

[Yakov Smirnov]

I was trying not to laugh so hard. Every time it is me and I'm lying, I'm like, no, yeah, I got.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You to fight with.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I still don't remember it to this day. Like, I.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Who it was. You don't remember?

[Yakov Smirnov]

No, I remember. I know who it was because they told me.

[Big J. Okerson]

But non stop for the rest of.

[Rachel Wolfson]

High school for sure, as they stood above you going, you just got knocked the out, man.

[Yakov Smirnov]

My buddy was picking me up to go to high school because we were driving at the time. I get in the car.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Must have been strong, huh? Huh?

[Yakov Smirnov]

Please don't interrupt. And I was. I was driving. Well, I see what you've done. I get in the car, and then, boom. I'm in the high hospital. And I didn't. I don't remember the day, but apparently. So my buddy, this guy Justin, he got into a fight with these guys the day before, which I don't even remember. How nuts is that? And he lost the fight. They kicked his ass because he.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Multiple guys got jumped.

[Yakov Smirnov]

He jumped. Multiple guys jumped him. Yeah, and they kicked his ass. And he said, you picked the wrong.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Guy to hang out with the next day.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Well, I'll tell you what. Miss, please. So he got his ass. He said it was because he got blood taken that day. And that idiot challenged them again the next day. He goes, it wouldn't be better if I had some cookies in me. So then he says to me, because they're like, we're gonna kick your ass. And he says to me, hey, man, can you just walk me to my car in the park parking lot? Because they're gonna be come. I. I can't get jumped again. So I go, okay. And we're in the parking lot, he gets in his car, this kid we called Fathead, he picked up a rock and he went to go throw it at the car, and I jumped on him and he. And my head hit the concrete. And I got up and I was like, what the fuck? Throwing up and all that. One of the guys, this guy Matt Marino, who actually talks Italian now, he didn't talk like that because he was like.

[Big J. Okerson]

He had a head injury too?

[Yakov Smirnov]

No, he was talking like me. And now I saw him at the high school reunion, he was like, hey, is it going? You know, so maybe he got hit in that. Yeah, there you go.

[Rachel Wolfson]

He's like, hey, there's that fat kid. We up.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Hey, this guy eats a lot of gabagoo. He was like, hey, are you okay? And I went, why? Why do you ask? And he goes, you just hit the head. And I went, you hit your head? And I went. I literally was like, where are we?

[Big J. Okerson]

We.

[Yakov Smirnov]

And he was like, we got to call the cops. Then the ambulance came. I got in the ambulance, woke up in the hospital. I woke up and I went, what the just happened? My parents go, God, we've been telling you all day, like we've been telling. We just told you you're gay.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You were in a big dick sucking.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Contest, and you suck the guy's dick so much because you love it a lot that the jizz knocked you out.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, you want a trip to Chugball island, all expenses pay. We all get to go.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Freaky. And I still don't remember the day to this day.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You don't remember the kid, the kid that did it, though.

[Yakov Smirnov]

I remember I actually went to the cops. I mean, I don't know how long this is going to go on, but we went to the cops and the. The. The. The officer said, actually I should be being arrested because I jumped on the kid. So. And I was just watching Boondock Saints at the time, so I was really, like, into justice, and so I. I was really upset by that.

[Big J. Okerson]

We should arrest you. You went there with a head injury. Like, we should arrest you.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yeah. They go, you jumped on. You started the fight, so we should arrest you. And I was like, that sound logic. Yeah, yeah. I was like, ah, whatever.

[Big J. Okerson]

I can't poke any holes in. No matter how much I want to.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, yeah. I want to make fun of it. But I was like, you know what? He makes a point.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Alex, where are our points at all?

[Alex]

Right? In last place with eight points, Yakov Smirnoff. In fourth place with nine points, Brendan Sagolo.

[Big J. Okerson]

Wow. Oh, jeez.

[Rachel Wolfson]

That was your big opportunity?

[Yakov Smirnov]

Well, I did guess me. Does that count as a point?

[Rachel Wolfson]

No.

[Alex]

No. Tied with 12 points each, big J. Okerson and Rachel Wolfson. And in the lead with 18 points, Luis J. Gomez.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh. I'm bringing Young Writers Day home. We have one more story. Wait, hold on, Jay.

[Big J. Okerson]

Young Writers Day is a heartfelt, funny, and empowering middle grade novel about finding your voice, standing up for your work, and discovering that everyone's story deserves to be heard. Perfect for readers who love books about books, creative kids, and navigating the ups and downs of growing up with passion and purpose. Just brie. Young Writers Day. It's up for grabs. This is going anywhere except Jakob Smirnoff's house.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Who likes books about books? What type of loser?

[Big J. Okerson]

This loser.

[Rachel Wolfson]

One more story, Alex. Story number eight.

[Alex]

Story number eight. Coming home from school, I watched my neighbor's Rottweiler kill my other neighbor's two dogs right in front of me. Someone in the neighborhood felt bad and tried to dognap the Rottweiler.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Dog nap the Rottweiler.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, my God, that's awful.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I mean, this is a Puerto Rican story if I've ever heard one. I will say that. I will admit that I think you'd.

[Big J. Okerson]

Still be talking by the time you watched a rottweiler murder two dogs in front of you. That would stay with you. Yeah. Just bummed everybody out.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Rottweilers are savages.

[Big J. Okerson]

What's the next story? Story number eight. I was raped. God. Gonna sort that out.

[Yakov Smirnov]

By the way, nobody really felt bad that I Got knocked out as a kid.

[Big J. Okerson]

You lived. You lived to forget the story.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Dude. We're also imagining very small, cute dogs that a rottweiler just ate you.

[Big J. Okerson]

What if they were just more pussy Rottweilers?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Do they have rottweilers?

[Big J. Okerson]

I know. It's a good question, Rachel, because I also so thought Yakov first on this one. When anytime I just hear everyone standing by while their parents. Dogs kill each other.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, I. I would. They had German shepherds and. And Siberian huskies, but no rotten rockweilers.

[Rachel Wolfson]

That's what I call women in Russia. Siberian huskies.

[Big J. Okerson]

With the one strip club. I mean, this. You know what? This sounds like? It would really affect your life for the worse.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Me?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Do you have Rachel situation? You have any dogs?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I'm a cat person.

[Big J. Okerson]

Because you saw dogs get murdered. It's Rachel.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No. Growing up, I had dogs, but I'm a cat person.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I mean, this is like a. Watching a dog get eaten by another dog would really fuck you up. Yeah, I mean, I watch those videos online all the time.

[Big J. Okerson]

It would not make you follow an appropriate Jewish girl's path and go into a world of comedy because you've been affected greatly by the time you saw those two dogs die.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You know, you really can't talk about how often pit bulls are attacking other dogs without seeming racist. It's a weird thing.

[Big J. Okerson]

Racist.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. Yeah. It's like naming. It's like naming crime statistics. It's the whole problem. Be like, you know what? Leave it alone. Mention Chicago. It's a whole thing.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Thing.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, there's no one black up here, so we have to figure this is a white person story.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I'm. I'm kind of leaning Rachel. I got to be honest with you.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's where I'm at.

[Rachel Wolfson]

No, Rachel, have you. Have you ever watched an animal die?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, but I do watch Dateline, so I watch humans die.

[Rachel Wolfson]

That's fun.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Did you have dogs growing up?

[Rachel Wolfson]

I had a dog named Sebastian and a dog named Chichi. Sebastian was a half Chelsea, half golden retriever. He was flea ridden. And Chichi was a little chihuahua who had no teeth, who used to bite me on the face.

[Big J. Okerson]

You had Chichi first, though, right?

[Rachel Wolfson]

I named her because I couldn't say Chihuahua as a kid, so I would say Chichihuawa. How cute is that? I mean, how cute is that?

[Big J. Okerson]

It's even cuter that. Because of that. We know that's why your porn name is Chi Chi Benson.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Chi Benson is my. Is my porn name. I grew up on Benson Street. My first dog was Chi Chi.

[Big J. Okerson]

Great porn name. That's a great porn name for a guy. Also mine is terrible because a great porn name but for a girl. My name would be Brandy Brockton.

[Rachel Wolfson]

That's hot. Brandi Brockton and Chi Chi Benson in Anal Lust five.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Why not Sebastian? Why wouldn't you be Sebastian?

[Rachel Wolfson]

It wasn't my first dog. Actually. My first dog was really named Dookie.

[Big J. Okerson]

For the Green Day album.

[Rachel Wolfson]

This is for Dookie. This is. This is true as well. My. He was named Dookie because he would shit all over the house and instead of cleaning the shit, my parents were just like, we're just gonna call him Dookie. That's what he does.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, so like his name's the warning.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, his name is what he does. Like that rottweiler was named Death Dog. That was a bad joke.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, you're doing good, dude.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Folks, I like a dog named Sebastian. Did he wolf? Like, aren't you embarrassed, Wolf?

[Rachel Wolfson]

No, he was named after Sebastian Bach, the lead singer of Skid row who blocked me on Twitter.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's gayer.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Can I ask a question? What is a dog nap?

[Big J. Okerson]

Stealing a kidnapping, but a dog?

[Yakov Smirnov]

He's fooling you, dude.

[Rachel Wolfson]

So they tried to dog nap the rottweiler so they would save from being put down. Is that why I'm assuming this is a woman story? The whole thing?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I grew up in the suburbs. This would not happen.

[Rachel Wolfson]

This only would happen at the suburbs.

[Yakov Smirnov]

No, I think this is Yakov, to be honest.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Dude, I think it's Yakov. This is very Soviet.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yeah, it's very. Read it like in your voice. And then someone felt bad for the dog. The dog that just killed the other dogs.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm walking in. I'm walking.

[Rachel Wolfson]

She's got wolf in her name. She's doing a dog story. Story. It's so obvious. It's right in front of us.

[Big J. Okerson]

You know what? I didn't even think about the wolf in the name thing. But that is now the entire reason I think it was you, Rachel.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Literally not.

[Big J. Okerson]

I've given up the other reasons why I thought it was you. And now it's just because your name has wolf in it. You love dog stories. Stories about dogs and them killing each other. The animal king, the mighty animal kingdom.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Wow.

[Big J. Okerson]

Right then Yakov going into a one on one battle. Oh, really, Mr. Sister? Then I. I'll fucking say you.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Alex. All of our final answers are in final story.

[Alex]

The final story belongs to Rachel Wolfson.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Damn.

[Big J. Okerson]

Woo woo woo.

[Rachel Wolfson]

We knew it. We knew it. The dog nap was the thing that really Got me at the end. I was like, that's like. She would remember that cute little, like, detail. It's like they try to save the dog. So anything else? What type of dogs did it kill?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Italian greyhounds.

[Big J. Okerson]

Six substantial sized dogs.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's fucking this. So I was in the middle. The neighbors on one side had the Italian greyhounds. The neighbors on the other side, they owned an Akita, a pit bull and a rottweiler. Like there was some shady shit going on over there. And I come home and the sun was walking the Italian greyhounds and this dog. Their dogs would always get out, out and trap house dogs. It's just. Yeah. And like, which. Yeah, we were in. It was a nice neighborhood and. And the rottweiler got out and attacked the two dogs. I. I watched the dog like get flung up in the air. It like died right in front of us.

[Rachel Wolfson]

This was like the Brendan Sagalo of dogs.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, essentially.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Yeah. Cute and cuddly. Did these dogs belong to the girl that you like, confronted? Because that was be a up day, wouldn't it?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, sadly, but yeah. Crazy.

[Rachel Wolfson]

And you watch them. Do you watch these dogs die?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

And was it sad?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

And that's what it was. Someone tried to kidnap the rottweiler to save.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, the. The whole neighborhood was really upset. So someone in the neighborhood like, felt bad and tried to like, dog nap the dog to like kill it. And then the cops.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, to kill it. Oh, I thought they were saying to try to save it from being taken by.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, no, no. They wanted to like. Like they wanted to kill the dog. For killing dogs. Yeah. Vegas is rough. I'm sorry.

[Big J. Okerson]

Holy. Oh, it was Vegas. If I knew you were from Vegas, I just would have said you for almost every story. God damn, that's wild. Was it a nice neighborhood? Didn't sound like it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it was nice.

[Big J. Okerson]

Alex, what's our final scores?

[Alex]

All right, on the scoreboard, in last place, with eight points, Yakov Smirnoff. In fourth place with nine points, Brendan Sagalo. Second place is a tie. And your winner tonight with 22 points is Louis J. Gomez.

[Big J. Okerson]

Congratulations again, Lewis. Once again you're finagled and dual you.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I play well, I think first also. I think I had one story named in the first half and I still scored that many points. Let it be pointed out to all the people on YouTube that goes, oh, lose the stories.

[Big J. Okerson]

Roll the circus.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Stor cheats. He always votes less off.

[Big J. Okerson]

Nice humble win, bro.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I'm just that good.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm just arguing the guy's got a good record. Come on. Son of a. Louis J. Gomez keeps young writers day by just bree in the story wars library. Thank you, Lewis, for saving that book for us. You know, I want to get in on that thing. I want to learn everything about that person. How about a big round of applause for all of our amazing contestants tonight. The living legend, Yakov Smirnov. Brendan Sagalo. Rachel wolfson. Thank you all so much for being here. Everyone. I'm big J. Okerson.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I'm the puerto Rican rival, St. Louis J. Gomez.

[Big J. Okerson]

We'll catch you guys next time. Until then, peace.

[Yakov Smirnov]

Sat.