055. Sam Tripoli, Mayhem Miller, & Josh Potter | Women

Summary

Story Warz Ep. 055 – “Women”

Comedians: Big Jay Oakerson, Luis J. Gomez, Sam Tripoli, Mayhem Miller & Josh Potter

Recorded live at The Stand Comedy Club, NYC | August 22, 2025

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Overview

This episode of Story Warz centers around the gameshow’s classic format: a panel of comedians each submits true or questionable stories on the week's theme—this time, “Women”—then try to deceive one another (and the audience) about which stories actually belong to whom. Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez host, with panelists Sam Tripoli, MMA fighter/comedian Mayhem Miller, and the ever-deadpan Josh Potter battling for comedic supremacy (and a book about pregnancy as the grand prize).

Expect wild stories, quick-witted roast sessions, memes about each other’s sex lives, and some unfiltered jokes about dating, sex, and run-ins with women of every background—plus plenty of playful digs about looks, masculinity, race, and potholes in the comedians’ careers.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening & Introductions

• The show kicks off with high energy and each comedian is introduced, with playful ribbing and self-deprecating humor.
• Sam Tripoli expresses gratitude for being on Story Warz, "[If they don't ask me, I'm gonna cry so hard...]" (06:24).
• Roast of the hosts and inside jokes about their legends in the pansexual/alt-comedy worlds.
• Reaffirmation of the show’s rules: panelists must lie convincingly about their own stories while trying to identify others’ stories for points.

2. Story Rounds – “Women” Edition

Round 1 – The Overeager Voicemail

“The first woman who approached me after a long relationship gave me her number that night. I left her four messages. I never heard from her again.”

• The group debates if this is stalker or hopeless romantic energy.
• Potter jokes, “You're gonna guess me, and you're going to be wrong. I know this reads me completely.” (14:54)
• The story is revealed as Big Jay’s—complete with his recounting of being advised by a young Kevin Hart, then ignoring advice and bombing the follow-up.
• “This is like the movie Swingers... I called too many times.” (21:13, Big Jay)

Round 2 – Hairdressers, Sex, and Theft

“I was robbed by two women while I banged their friend.”

• Sam Tripoli’s confession about being outplayed by a trio of women (after hoping for a threesome).
• “If they would have all fooled around with me, I would have just gave them that shit.” (33:31, Sam Tripoli)

Round 3 – The Age Gap Sitch

“When I was 22, I hooked up with a 41-year-old woman. The next day, her 10-year-old son asked if I was his new big brother.”

• Josh Potter is outed, and gives a deadpan retelling: he played video games with the kid, slept with the mom, and then left after being called “big brother.” (41:13, Josh Potter)
• “What am I gonna do, I'm there... You should have stole all the video games and left, learn something!” (41:38, Lewis J. Gomez)

Round 4 – Assault Accusations

“A woman once went to the police and told them I assaulted her. I should not be admitting this on this show.”

• The panel immediately suspects Luis J. or Mayhem Miller, both infamous for trouble.
• Luis tells the true story: he was accused randomly by a drunk stranger while selling comedy club tickets, was picked up by cops, but released when cops believed his version.
• “These two dudes, you just saw a moment where they were like, dude, I just fucking believe him. And they were like, just go.” (50:04, Luis J. Gomez)

Round 5 – Catfished by a Plus-Sized Asian

“I once got catfished by an Asian on plentyoffish.com who showed up at 260 pounds. She was so thankful she later dropped off a trash bag full of edibles.”

• Mayhem Miller’s story: he recounts the surprise meetup, the wild one-night stand, and the trash bag of edibles gifted as thanks.
• “She guided herself in the door and immediately started touching in good spots.” (68:14, Mayhem Miller)
• Mayhem on embracing the night: "Fat girls ain't half bad... If they're Asian, it's sort of spiritual." (69:28)

Round 6 – The Mean Uggo and the Switcheroo

“I was getting blown by a girl who was mean and kind of ugly. In the middle, I texted a nicer, prettier girl, and she came over and finished the job. The mean uggo was very, very mad.”

• Josh Potter, unexpectedly, is the guilty party—subverting his “awkward loser” persona.
• “I just accepted the one that was appropriate, and I went home with her—and she was just mean... While she was sucking my dick, I texted the nicer one.” (85:28, Josh Potter)
• The panel is stunned at his dark horse prowess: “You started this show going ‘I never get pussy,’... Every story is sucking and fucking.” (85:59, Big Jay)

Round 7 – Threesome Fail with the Goat Freeze

“I convinced my conservative girlfriend into a threesome, during which she froze like a goat and ruined the experience.”

• Mayhem Miller’s again; his conservative, bodybuilder girlfriend is immobilized by nerves mid-coitus, almost crushing him.
• “She was fine with just me, but the other girl came closer... she would lock up even tighter... Finally, I just asked for a back rub.” (99:05, Mayhem Miller)

Round 8 – Ghetto Lesbian Standoff

“I once had a weapon pulled on me by a ghetto lesbian after getting into an altercation with a small group of her ghetto lesbian friends.”

• Luis J. Gomez shares his past as a street comedy ticket hustler, getting mouthy with a group who then threatened him with a knife.
• “She was like the big, giant fat one [from wrestling]; she had a crazy mohawk in the middle... She pulled the blade on me. I backed down.” (112:48, Luis J. Gomez)

3. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You look like a ten-year-old who's had to deal with a long-term poltergeist.” (37:18, Mayhem to Josh)
• “If it’s not Lewis, it’s Mayhem. Lewis could be with y’all… you know what I’m saying.” (26:44, Mayhem, on being robbed during sex)
• “Blind and insane. I’m down. Write the first six pages, you write the next six pages, and then this guy will write the last half.” (51:35, Jason, on podcast co-writing)
• After winning with a flurry of explicit tales, Potter quips: “Buy tickets to my fucking shows, for Christ’s sake.” (84:45)
• Mayhem on his “catfish” hookup: “I lifted her up... tossed her around, like she’d never been... and she was so thankful.” (69:41)

4. Game Play, Jabs & Payoffs

• Throughout, the crew takes affectionate and ruthless shots at each other's sex appeal, careers, and life choices.
• “If you've never fucked a Puerto Rican woman, they can carry a TV. They'll find your wallet.” (30:36, Jason)
• Mayhem Miller continually draws caricatures of the other players while the game proceeds, leading to laughs and more roasting.
• The show escalates with “Double Points” in the second half, keeping even trailing panelists in the running.

5. Winner & Finale

• Josh Potter dominates, with a surge of correct answers and effective deception (“You’re playing against Kaiser Soze!” says Luis at 89:48). His tales of “late bloomer” sexual career are anything but, as he spins stories of age-gap conquests and “tag-team” blowjobs.
• Prize: A copy of Like a Mother: A Feminist Journey through the Science and Culture of Pregnancy.
• Josh’s parting gratitude: “Wisconsin, next weekend. Please come out to those shows, there’s multiple—please, please.” (115:04)

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Important Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment/Event | |-----------|--------------------------------------------------| | 02:41 | Show begins – Hosts & Game Explanation | | 06:24 | Sam Tripoli on being included | | 13:01 | Story #1 Discussion (Big Jay’s voicemail story) | | 20:04 | Big Jay details Swingers-style too-many-calls | | 32:35 | Story #2 Reveal (Sam Tripoli robbed during sex) | | 41:13 | Potter tells his big-brother hookup story | | 50:04 | Luis J. Gomez’s “cop van” false accusation story | | 68:14 | Mayhem’s catfished-by-fat-Asian-and-edibles tale | | 85:28 | Josh reveals “uggo/mean” blowjob switcharoo | | 99:05 | Mayhem describes the “froze like a goat” story | | 112:48 | Lewis details the ghetto lesbian knife showdown | | 115:04 | Potter accepts victory, plugs shows |

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Flow, Tone, and Takeaway

True to Story Warz form, the tone is a whirlwind of biting sarcasm, explicit stories, brotherly jeers, and flashes of self-awareness. The comedians riff on masculinity, dating, and their own reputations for romantic misadventure, while inviting (and tolerating) plenty of chaos. The result: a hilarious, rapid-fire competition that veers from braggadocio to humility without ever slowing down, thanks mostly to the wit and willingness to “go there” from everyone on the mike.

If you missed the episode, you can expect:

• Outrageous, real (or maybe not?) stories about dating disasters and weird sex encounters
• Relentless, affectionate roasting among friends
• No holds barred banter—if you’re easily offended, this is not for you
• Genuine surprises: especially how much “nice guy” Josh Potter scores with “mean” women

The final tally:

• Winner: Josh Potter (16 points)
• Other scores: Sam Tripoli (13), Mayhem Miller (10), Big Jay Okerson (9), Luis J. Gomez (13)

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For Quick Reference: Memorable Quotes

• “This is like the movie Swingers...I called too many times.” — Big Jay Okerson (21:13)
• “Fat girls ain't half bad... if they're Asian it's sort of spiritual.” — Mayhem Miller (69:28)
• “I just accepted the one that was appropriate, went home with her—and she was just mean... While she was sucking my dick, I texted the nicer one.” — Josh Potter (85:28)
• “If you've never fucked a Puerto Rican woman, they can carry a TV. They’ll find your wallet.” — Jason Mayhem Miller (30:36)
• "Blind and insane. I’m down. Write the first six pages, you write the next six pages, and then this guy will write the last half." — Jason Mayhem Miller (51:35)

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This recap covers all key segments, story highlights, panelist banter, and the journey to the game’s conclusion, matching the episode’s raucous, outrageous, and relentlessly funny tone.

Transcript

[Big J Okerson]

Why choose a sleep number Smart bed.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Can I make my site softer?

[Sam Tripoli]

Can I make my site firmer? Can we sleep cooler?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Sleep number does that cools up to.

[Big J Okerson]

Eight times faster and lets you choose your ideal comfort on either side Your.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Sleep number setting it's the sleep number biggest sale of the year. All beds on sale up to 50%.

[Big J Okerson]

Off the limited edition Smart bed limited time all sleep number Smart beds offer.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Temperature solutions for your best sleep. Check it out at a sleepnumber store or sleepnumber.com today.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Skank Fest New Orleans is happening November 14th through 16th. Get your tickets right now. There's only individual day passes left. All access is sold out. VIP is sold out. It is the largest lineup we've ever had. Favorites like Tim Dillon, Shane Gillis, Nick Mullen, Joe List, Robert Kelly, Sam Hyde, obviously the legion of skanks and many, many more. Over 150 comedians, six stages, three full days of comedy, fighting, music and everything else you love about Skank fest. Go to skankfest.com right now and grab your single day passes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Great news, everybody. Story wars merch store now up and functioning. Everyone get your goddamn merch right now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Represent the show that you love. Show that you are yourself a Story warrior. We got T shirts, we got hoodies, maybe socks one day. StoryWarsMerch.com is the website.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Plugs that thing you can put inside of a woman and you control it from your phone.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The Story wars breakfast cereal. The Story wars flamethrower. Go to storywarsmerch.com and grab your merch today. What's going on? Story Warriors. If you love Story wars and you want to be a part of the live audience, come out to the New York Comedy Club every Wednesday night at 7:45pm to be a part of the show.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Don't be a piece of. Just get your tickets and come. It's fun. Buck face.

[Louis J. Gomez]

New York Comedy club dot com.

[Josh Potter]

Fill her up.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Ladies and gentlemen, Story Wars.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Live from the Comedy Store in Los.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Angeles with the Story Warriors, Big J.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oakson and Louis Jake Omez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What's up? What the. Oh, Lewis goes. Takes it right to the people. What's up, Los Angeles? Welcome to Story Wars. Make some fucking noise in here, please.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is it. What a week. This is our second of three shows. We're very excited. We love coming to la. The last show we did earlier tonight, fucking incredible. First show that we did in LA was my favorite Story wars episode that we ever did. You guys are up against some Pretty incredible shows. And I'll tell you right now, your energy. It's all about your energy. Are you guys ready for a great show tonight? That's what I'm talking about.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wow. How many people here are familiar with the game Story Wars?

[Louis J. Gomez]

They all know it. J. Who's not familiar with Story Wars? Like, nobody, right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I know.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What your.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Boom.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He came one, one.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You heard that voice. Is that, like, was he an Asian guy? He went.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They just. They handle it wrong. It's great to be here at the Comedy Store in Los Angeles. We have an amazing show for you. Lou, should we get our guests out here, please?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I think we should. I think we should.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Don't point. Just say it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, you want.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'll go.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right. It's fun. Ladies and gentlemen, you know him. Our first competitor and panelist on Story Wars Los Angeles from the Josh Potter Show. Clap it up for Josh Potter.

[Josh Potter]

Oh, boy. How are ya?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

One of our.

[Louis J. Gomez]

One of our most requested guests on Story Worth.

[Josh Potter]

Really?

[Louis J. Gomez]

People love you, dude.

[Josh Potter]

Thank you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

People love you.

[Josh Potter]

You made my day.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hell, yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Good. Now point to who you want me to say. Well, I can't tell. You're on one. The top one. Everybody. Lect. Legendary MMA fighter. You know him from MTV's Bully Beatdown. Make some noise for the great Jason Mayhem Miller.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Damn. See, I can crank it all the way up.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I like that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I love it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm cool. I swear.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Officer, our next contestant has no choice but look like a fucking lame asshole when he comes out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There's nothing that our next guest can do to top what Jason Mayhem Miller just put down.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Dude, if he just comes out and fucking dies into the audience, hurts somebody.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He'S gotta pull his dick out. He's gotta pull out a revolver, shoot this guy in the head.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Lick a few off in the belly room. Go ahead, Louis.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Our final competitor. I mean, I would say family at this point, for the Legion of Skanks universe and the Story wars universe. You know him from his incredible podcast, the Tinfoil Hat Podcast. Clap it up for Sam Tripoli, the legend.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The legend.

[Josh Potter]

I don't even know.

[Sam Tripoli]

I didn't even know what was happening. What just happened. I was like, am I gonna have to rape somebody to beat this?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It would. It would have sent a message.

[Sam Tripoli]

I'm so happy you asked me. I. Dude, I go, they're doing Story wars here. If they don't ask me, I'm gonna cry so hard. I'm gonna be so upset.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Sam, we love you, dude.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're family.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Literally, you're a Fucking old school OG Family.

[Sam Tripoli]

Let me kiss your ass for a little while, okay? I'm gonna say something, man. So during the political correctness bullshit time, these guys are all on their own in New York City battling all the fucking faggots, okay? And they stayed with it. And now everybody goes to New York for when their specials come out to kiss the ring. Cause Legion of Skanks keeps it fucking real, right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Yay.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We. We beat the faggots.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Take that, Faggots got three to five for that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Mega Skanks one. Faggots zero.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We love you, Sam. We're happy you're here. We're gonna. I guess we'll explain the rules of the show.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

For some people that don't know, Story wars is a very simple game. Everybody on this panel, including Lewis and I, have submitted. Come on. Have submitted. Get to it. Have submitted three to five stories on one particular subject. Tonight's subject, women.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's right, bitches.

[Sam Tripoli]

Let's go.

[Josh Potter]

Can you believe they still ask me?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I like them, too.

[Sam Tripoli]

I am not gay.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Alex, our lovely producer, is gonna read eight of these stories. There's eight rounds, one at a time, in no particular order. It's gonna come up on the screen. If it is your story, you're the only person who knows that it's your job to fool everybody that it is not your story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So we gotta buzz in and say it's our story? No.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Nope.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think I got it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think I got it. He's like, so what, you spin the wheel, then you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Now which one? I'm a wrestle.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Josh Potter.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, perfect.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Everybody on the panel, including Lewis and I, I'm gonna start over.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't know if he really doesn't understand or not. It's.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Don't get flustered.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, no, I got it. You guess the guy's story, right? And then you tell him yours.

[Josh Potter]

No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You guys swap stories, you do impressions of each other.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we swap them back and forth. And then everybody has a good time.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Everything's just made up.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, okay.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I get it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I fuck with you. I watch. So, big fan. Big fan.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

If it is your story, it is your job to fool everybody. That is not your story. If it is not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And for every person you fool, you get one point. Every time you guess a story correctly, you get two points. The way you vote is you put the name of the person you're voting for right on the dry erase board. Once you put the dry erase board in the slot right here. Remove your hand. That is it. That's your final answer.

[Big J Okerson]

You cannot change it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And I'll tell you right now, for the. For the. I.

[Sam Tripoli]

We hide it at all, or do we.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, you don't hide it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You put it right in the slot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're good.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And I'll do it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Caricatures.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You could draw.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes, you can draw a person.

[Sam Tripoli]

I will try.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You got to do it quickly. You got to do it quickly.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Jason Lewis. I'm going to say do it well before quickly. I'd like to see a good character.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Find quality before speed.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, so it's win, lose, or draw.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, I liked it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Ish.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sorry, It's a young crowd out there. That was from the 80s.

[Louis J. Gomez]

My bad. So I'll say everyone here is new. Nobody's been on Story wars before.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're old virgins.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And I'll tell you right now, I've.

[Sam Tripoli]

Never felt so safe and endangered.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. Yeah. I'm in danger myself.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And over here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We'Re not. This is a very fun game, and you guys are gonna have a ton of fun. The three of you guys are gonna have more fun than you've ever had in any other podcast. But we're not playing for fun, are we, Jason?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, not just fun. Everybody who plays the Story wars is playing for a book from the Story wars library and a brand new car.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Today's book, Like a. A Feminist Journey through the Science and Culture of Pregnancy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Lewis wrote that. Or you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, no, no. Like a Mother is Angela Garb's book about what actually happens to the body during pregnancy. She started writing it while pregnant herself after realizing how many basic things, like what the placenta does or why she was suddenly so tired weren't being explained. So she went looking for answers and turned what she learned into something honest, clear, and surprisingly easy to listen to.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Sam Tripoli]

The stakes have never been higher.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I hope they hire you for the audiobook.

[Josh Potter]

May I ask, do you offer the audiobook?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, it's always a tactile copy. It's a tactile copy.

[Josh Potter]

All right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Home with you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Sam is in pure danger. Over on that side of the table, Mayhem's a loose cannon, and Josh Potter drove me one time in Buffalo for two miles, and I didn't know he was fully blind.

[Josh Potter]

Jay knew me when I drove a.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Car, and then at one point, when he turned a corner, a black woman. And I swear to God this is true, had to dive onto her hood to avoid being Hit by Josh Barber.

[Sam Tripoli]

Well, if it's at night, he can't see, though.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, she had optical camouflage.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You know what? Point made. I take it back. He's fine.

[Josh Potter]

It was at night, Jane.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It was definitely at night. And she was black. Story checks out, Alex. I think we're ready for war. We ready for war. And with no further ado, Alex, story number one.

[Alex]

Story number one. The first woman who approached me after a long relationship gave me her number that night. I left her four messages. I never heard from her again.

[Sam Tripoli]

This is a hard one.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This could be Josh and mayhem for complete opposite reasons.

[Sam Tripoli]

Stalker versus lonely right now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Temporary restraining order. Never stopped nobody.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, you're allowed to get as many messages as you want. You know what I mean?

[Sam Tripoli]

If it was Lewis, he would have broken her house already.

[Josh Potter]

So.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, you dumb. Give me your address.

[Louis J. Gomez]

After four messages. The fourth one is, I'm standing above you right now.

[Sam Tripoli]

So you sleep to your side, huh?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Now this. This is. This is behavior I don't expect.

[Josh Potter]

Was. That was the.

[Sam Tripoli]

That's the whole story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, this guy's a red herring. I don't know if I'm misusing that phrase, okay? I just read it in a book.

[Josh Potter]

Hey.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right. But he's red herringing us, okay? And Jason, he's the one that did that. Hundred percent. Thousand. Maybe 20,000%, I think.

[Sam Tripoli]

Well, you're supposed to write it down.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That four messages, so specific. It's a cryptic number, bro. I think that you are in a conspiracy. And you know that four messages unlocks the pussy vibe or shuts you all the way down.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You know, I will not argue with science.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No science.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We're gonna find that Jason is a secret genius who can read people like no one else.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

His energy alone makes me want to say, it's Sam.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You guys think I got autism?

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You guys think I got autism? I think he's calling, you guys think I got autism.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He's got to do it 10 more times.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You guys think I got autism? You guys think I got.

[Sam Tripoli]

More like bath salts.

[Josh Potter]

That's right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

J, K, L, O, L. Wait, so who we guessing is you, you motherfucker.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You just get a whole soliloquy about that? It's Sam.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I changed my mind. Look at his face.

[Sam Tripoli]

Sketches.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Four text messages, three seconds.

[Josh Potter]

I'm going to tell you right now. You're going to guess me, and you're going to be wrong. I know this reads me completely.

[Sam Tripoli]

Are you the guy that hasn't had sex yet?

[Josh Potter]

Who are you talking about?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Me?

[Josh Potter]

Sam? Yeah. Are you out of your fucking mind, Sam?

[Sam Tripoli]

I mean, I thought you were on the show. You didn't have sex?

[Josh Potter]

No, I didn't come in a girl's vagina. Oh, sometimes you put it inside of them and you don't come. I've.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I've edging. I heard of it. Edging. I'll say. I busted out some tantric moves myself.

[Josh Potter]

I'll tell you this. I've been to therapy since then and we've remedied the situation.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Nice, right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Congratulations, dude.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You're like Sting.

[Josh Potter]

So how about you suck my dick, Sam, and I'll come in your mouth? How about that?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, Sonny.

[Josh Potter]

No, I just. I knew this was gonna be the trope of me. And I'm telling you right now, I wouldn't put this obvious of in the queue like this. This is funny because it's gonna be someone. Oh, it's like lol. It's Jason because it's like he could a bunch of girls or whatever, and whether they want to or whatever, but like this.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Or boys.

[Josh Potter]

Or boys. Or boys.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Or boys.

[Josh Potter]

Not discounting 2025.

[Sam Tripoli]

This has Mayhem Miller, when he was young, like 10 years old kind of energy right now. Oh, I'm gonna go.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I just realized that Mayhem laughs like an overdub in an Asian movie.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You think you could defeat me? Come on. I'll let you try my Wu Tang style. So. So you want to play Story Wars?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Take the story from my hand.

[Sam Tripoli]

I also have a feeling that you guys have told so many stories that you're running out of stories. And this sounds like I could just make up a story story.

[Josh Potter]

Like you're just make up a story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Big and deep.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, we would never make up a story. And no, I mean, we haven't had.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The game has integrity. We've already built in fail safes. If we run out of stories.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wait, you've never repeated a story on this show?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No.

[Josh Potter]

Also, it doesn't say text messages. It says messages. So this could be Big J when he was like 11, leaving voicemail.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, it could be Sam tripping carrier.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Pigeons over there when I was 11. After a long relationship.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I say eight to nine is tough.

[Sam Tripoli]

By the way, long relationship could be anything. Someone's been to prison. Okay, so it's fair.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's fair.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right. Hey, I got that wiped off my record.

[Sam Tripoli]

I'm going to go Potter.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, we're doing this now? All right, I'm ready.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He. I'm thinking it's Potter. I think he had a great story about.

[Josh Potter]

I wish I Got points for you being fucking wrong. That's what I wish.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Right now, I think Potter's playing the game, and I think he's playing it well.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't know how it happened, but I just watched Mayhem write. He wrote left handed with his right hand.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't even know how else to describe it. It's crazy looking.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I didn't know I was gonna get this reaction, or in the third grade. I would have practiced more.

[Josh Potter]

Thank God we all have short names.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was like lettering. And they're not laughing at my words. Bubba.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He wrote like a weird person eats cereal.

[Sam Tripoli]

He wrote like a stroke victim.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hold on, I can't see everyone's votes.

[Sam Tripoli]

Sounds like someone got the COVID shot, huh?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, what's everybody. I think I'm gonna go with Josh. I'm writing right there.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Mayhem's handwriting is newspaper clippings.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's all ransom notes.

[Sam Tripoli]

He writes in ransom font.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Man writes in ransom font. Every letter is a different font.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's part of my brand identity.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's helvecta swirl.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's comic fans. You aerial font Times New Roman. It is not.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Sam, who'd you vote for?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Potter.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, this way so you can see it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I want to see who's winning the game now. Potter. Everyone say Potter.

[Sam Tripoli]

No, you said me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, God damn.

[Sam Tripoli]

And he said big Gay J. That's what he said.

[Josh Potter]

I didn't write gay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex, everyone's answering.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Why don't you go tell them who's winning the game?

[Alex]

Story number one belongs to Big J Okerson.

[Sam Tripoli]

Oh, Big Potter. Nice job.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Damn.

[Sam Tripoli]

Okay, this game has gotten a lot more complex.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jason, what is this story? How haven't I heard of this?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Threw me off.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You probably have. You probably haven't.

[Sam Tripoli]

So who brags about that?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's pretty badass, dude.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It was a wit.

[Sam Tripoli]

At one time, a chick didn't call me back.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, not even calling. So.

[Josh Potter]

Thought it was brag wars. He's over here writing brag wars.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I broke up my long term girlfriend that was with me since before I started doing comedy. And then still a young comic, though. We broke up. And then I was at the Comic Strip one night in New York, and after the show, like a girl, she looked like a young Leah Remini. She was so pretty. And she came over and started, like, chatting me up. Which, by the way, she was saying, like she was flirting with me, but it was flirting with things that were hurtful. But I just took it because. Cause she was like. She goes I'm very attracted to you. She goes, but, like, my dream guy's like, John Goodman.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right. You went and just ate a jar of peanut butter.

[Sam Tripoli]

You're like, timo Goodman. That's who you are.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So I was like, all right. And then she gave me number. She goes, call me sometime. And I remember I had to drive back to Philly that night back home, and Kevin Hart said to me in the car. I was telling him. I was like. I was excited. I was like, this girl is so beautiful. And she gave me her number. He goes, yeah, man. Just like, don't call for a couple days. And I was like, why? He goes, just don't look so, like, hungry for it. Just, like, chill. Like, call her in a couple days or text her in a couple. I think text wasn't even much of a thing at that point. He's like, call her in a couple days or something. I was like, yeah, yeah, I'll play it cool. And then I went home and immediately called, and no answer. So I left a message, and I was like. I was like, hey, it was great meeting you tonight. I just wanted to say hey. And I'm gonna be back at the Comic Strip like, Thursday, if you wanna come, like, hang out again or bullshit or whatever. And then I was like. I hung up. And then I was like, oh, wait, I'm there on Friday or something. Like, I called back and I was like, actually, it was. You ever seen the movie Swingers? I've watched it. I saw the movie Swingers. After this happened to me, I was gonna say, when I told the story, someone goes, dude, this is like, swing. And I watched. I was like, holy shit, dude. Identical. I called two more times, three times. I called her back after that first time to go like, shit. I'm actually there on the late show, not the early show, but I could put you and whoever you want on the guest list or what?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jon Favreau would never pull that bullshit.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I never heard from her again.

[Josh Potter]

11 during this.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, no, no. I was.

[Josh Potter]

I got it half right.

[Sam Tripoli]

And she was Lisa Lampanelli.

[Josh Potter]

And she.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That young woman was the queen of mean, the female Don Rickles. Lisa Lampanelli. Life coach Lisa Lampanelli.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You sent her off a men. Bless your heart.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex, one story down, where are points at?

[Alex]

All right on the scoreboard. In second place, with two points, Josh Potter.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, what a beast. Hey, can I. Can I change my answer real quick?

[Alex]

And in the lead with three points, Big J Okerson.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

There he is, folks. There he is, folks. Big J Okerson.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The crowd roots for me every week.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is that Big J?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Allegedly. You know what I mean? That's like, who you're looking for, you know what I mean?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

In the local area, if that's you're looking for, I'm definitely getting questioned.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Josh Potter]

I don't know. I thought it was me at first. I was like. Did you not hear the answer?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Look, man, it's work in progress. All right, all right.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's take a quick moment and take a quick break from your favorite podcast and game show and talk about Lucy breakers, which is an incredible product. Amazing nicotine pouches that aren't just nicotine pouches like you get at every gas station, they have a little capsule inside. You break that capsule and it releases a wave of flavor and hydration.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I've been trying to kick the cigarettes and Lucy did a cool thing, sent me a. A bunch of these, actually, in all different flavors. I'm excited to try them. I know from the. I have tried the Lucy's Breakers a long time ago when they first sent them to us, and if I was gonna do these pouches, these are the ones. They are different. It's very fun with the breaking. It's got that, like, camel crush energy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah. No, they're.

[Big J Okerson]

They're delicious too. Honestly, dude, I'm not a big pouch guy. I smoke cigars. But once in a while, I love to pop a little mango pouch right in my. My mouth and just feel the flavor run down my throat. I'm making it too gay, am I?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, not at all.

[Big J Okerson]

A little thing right in my mouth and suck the juice out of it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Absolutely, dude. Let it explode into your mouth. Swallow every drop or spit it back out onto them.

[Big J Okerson]

Either way, they have apple cider, mango mint, and berry citrus you can mix and match every day. And it's just great. People really, really love it. Lucy breakers come in 4, 8, and 12 milligrams of nicotine. So you can decide how much of a kick you're looking for. It is truly time to level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. So go to Lucy Co wars with a Z, W A R Z and use that promo code WARZ to get 20% off your first order today. And Lucy even has a 30 day refund policy if you change your mind. So once again, that is Lucy Co wars with a Z. Use that code wars with a Z for 20% off.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Warning.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This product contains nicotine Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, where were we, Alex? Story number two.

[Alex]

Story number two. I was robbed by two women while I banged their friend.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, it's got a Lewis flavor to it. It's got a little Puerto Rican spice on it. I think so, right? Or you're being oddly quiet. Oh, man. Now I know how this game is played.

[Sam Tripoli]

Puerto Rican.

[Josh Potter]

I know this one sounds like me again, probably, but.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I thought this was mayhem all day long, but as soon as he said Lewis, I was like, right.

[Josh Potter]

Really?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, right. It's Lewis.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Who doesn't have some version of this story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Touche, motherfucker.

[Josh Potter]

Yeah, I wish I could.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Version of this story, no doubt.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Some version, sure.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Do I get points from turtles for 15 years? There's no O in my name, you dick.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're like family that doesn't know how to spell names.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I literally call him Braveheart. Speech about how he's like my brother when I brought him up on stage.

[Josh Potter]

Is that better?

[Louis J. Gomez]

That is better.

[Josh Potter]

I wish I had a version of this story. I've never had that many women in a room at one time. And to get robbed. You have money, too. I mean, good God, what is this? Paradise.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Butter?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This could be Young Mayhem. Could be mayhem.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I could be with y'. All. Huh?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

My initial instincts was mayhem because sound.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Like I do hang out with the man.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But you were in the past.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You know what I'm saying?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I mean, you were a star. You go over to Japan.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Big in Japan.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Huge in Japan.

[Josh Potter]

That's a night.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

People gonna touch me on the subway to see if I'm real.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And that is a place where I think, dare I say, no pun intended, a triad. A triad of women.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Seb.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Sam.

[Josh Potter]

I take my finger off.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, you can't change it.

[Josh Potter]

I'm not gonna change it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, he already. You put it in.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm changing my name to Lewis J. Mayhem Miller.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

See, that would be awesome if he legally did that.

[Josh Potter]

No, Jay was like a. A Few Good Men right there. And he just persuaded Mayhem.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You can't handle the truth.

[Josh Potter]

Exactly.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Mayhem.

[Sam Tripoli]

If it was trans. If it was trans, it could be mayhem.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This just seems like crazy.

[Sam Tripoli]

Three chicks with dicks rob me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, it was technically just two.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I feel you keep coming up out of, like, some kind of weird, like. Like, satin sheets and going, like, what's that noise in the other room? And she goes, lay back down.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Everything fine.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And you're like, yeah. And she goes, yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Everything good.

[Sam Tripoli]

Lady boys.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She's rifling.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You go, I just have, like. I have some pretty expensive luggage out there. You go.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Everything good? They good? They good?

[Sam Tripoli]

That was definitely so big.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

How big?

[Sam Tripoli]

Those lady boys will get you those.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, they're strong.

[Sam Tripoli]

And dude, that was definitely not a happy ending to this story for sure.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Big J. Why am I getting a you vibe?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Really?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I've never would be probably the number one story in my life ever.

[Josh Potter]

Did you not hear the last story?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, no, this didn't happen.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I mean, it could be.

[Josh Potter]

Could you imagine the voice messages he's leaving on these phones? I mean, holy shit.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is.

[Josh Potter]

That's three girls, 12 messages he's got to leave right there.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

If it's not Lewis, if it's not Lewis, it's Mayhem.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Mayhem.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It could be Lewis. It could be Lewis. Like, Lewis could be. You know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Me and my wife had friends who. We've robbed chicks. We've done this to women. But I'm not on the other end.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You and your gigolo squad.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm not a sucker.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Was this Dave Green, your chubby guitar playing friends?

[Sam Tripoli]

Mayhem's drawing somebody with a giant nose.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But there's.

[Sam Tripoli]

Oh, there's one Jew on the panel.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's it.

[Sam Tripoli]

Hey, that didn't go over well.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Boo. Boo, pal, star. Well, guys, I'm taking political stances now. Boo. Israel did everything right. I think.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This episode gets five times the views on YouTube.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Jay swears allegiance to you. To Israel. Israel. Are they the from the river to the sea or is that against us?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

From the river to the sea.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

From the river to sea or not that. If that's not the Jewish thing. One of the two.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Which one's positive over here?

[Sam Tripoli]

What crowd am I talking to?

[Louis J. Gomez]

This seems like a young J on the road banging a hooker on the road. One of the. Immediately. That's a very J defensive move.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Put my name. It's not me, so I'm not worried about it.

[Josh Potter]

If this is Jay, after that last story, can we put some context into the. I guess you've lived a long life. I mean, you've been through.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I fucked dangerous women who are capable of robbery.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They're the best in bed. The trick that I would always do is lift up the tv, right? Put your wallet underneath it and then put it back down.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You've never fucked a Puerto Rican woman. They can carry a tv. They'll find your wallet.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I know I had one that hooped my wallet.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, my God. And my phone. I see a Puerto Rican woman put a OLED 70 inch on her back.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think you're.

[Sam Tripoli]

Apparently, Cheech and Chong is here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How good that is?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm a prop comic, Yo.

[Sam Tripoli]

He's a black comic.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Sam Tripoli is.

[Josh Potter]

I feel like I'm at Atlantic City over here watching this guy, but he's painting everything.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Tip your waitress.

[Louis J. Gomez]

By the way, somebody just cleaned up because you guys are fucking fools. And the three of you voted for me, so just so you know, idiots.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Can we all do caricatures?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Not.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're a genius, but you two are idiots.

[Josh Potter]

I voted for Jason.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I know.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Can we all draw pictures?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm not blind.

[Josh Potter]

Oh, okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Josh thinks everyone's blind.

[Josh Potter]

Yeah, I just.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Hey, over here, Josh, is me, your friend Jay from before.

[Josh Potter]

We all live in our own reality.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You need to give him some of that shit for his glaucoma.

[Josh Potter]

I have no idea who Lewis voted for.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What if all Josh's answers he has to write down while he touches the person's face to be like.

[Sam Tripoli]

Braille?

[Josh Potter]

I'm just gonna draw a next.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You got to hold the table and feel the vibration.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex, are you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You looking smug as, man? You telling me you, like, tricked us right now? No, no, no.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I didn't trick you. I think that somebody.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I tricked myself. Then. No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Maybe.

[Sam Tripoli]

I feel like all the women who voted to go to the force with a bear instead of a man.

[Josh Potter]

Right?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Have you ever seen that?

[Sam Tripoli]

That's how I feel right now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

N. I broke.

[Sam Tripoli]

I made a bad decision.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's a great reference, Alex. All of our stories are in. Answers are in. Sorry.

[Alex]

Story number two belongs to Sam Tripoli.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yo. That was pretty masterful, I will admit. And take my drawing back.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, you got me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

God damn. When you put it down, you're right.

[Sam Tripoli]

Basically, I was at. I think it was over here at the Saddle Ranch. And these three.

[Josh Potter]

The house is local.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, you come for the chopped meat, but you stay for the mechanical bolt.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, you stay for the syphilis. That's what you stay for. And I go over there, and these three hairdressers were hanging out. And I'm like, let's go back to my place. And I'm like, let's do. I'm like, I might bang three chicks, dude. So we go back, and one's really hooking and wanting to hook up. So we go in my room, and I leave the other two in the other room. And they just started stealing video games, cash, and money, which is really weird. Cause if they would have all fooled around with me, I would have just gave them that shit, you know?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What?

[Sam Tripoli]

I'm saying a little thank you package for the story.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Dude, is this Tom Clancy's Rainbow six? Yeah, babe, take it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, just.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't even give a shit about that, dude. I get pussy by the threes. Take whatever you want.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, just wait outside of gamestop for some hoes with some battle toads.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Dude, you need to find an Asian girl with a custom controller.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What else? Did you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did you catch them before they left or they.

[Sam Tripoli]

No, they left with it. They grabbed her real quick. I'm like, why are you guys running so fast?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm trying to pull my pants up.

[Sam Tripoli]

I'm like, what's going on?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Thank you for the sex.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Bye.

[Sam Tripoli]

At least she had sex with me. That kind of makes it easier. But after, I was like looking around, I'm like, oh, my video games are gone, my cash TV's gone.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You have good self esteem. Because I would actually be thinking, all I would be thinking about all night is that when those girls go, this is their plan. They're gonna rob a guy. And they go, who has to fuck him? Hey, fatso, why don't we go in your room?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Be quick.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Like, be quick.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, I don't know if this is.

[Josh Potter]

Like a spoiler for future stories that might be for me, but I can't imagine sex being loud enough to not hear HDMI chords being. And like I drop hammer, dog.

[Sam Tripoli]

I drop hammer.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Are you there fussing around with my one connect box?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, his Internet. It's entertainment console. Got post nut clarity. Are you guys feeling cleared it out?

[Josh Potter]

Are you guys fiddling with the entertainment system over there?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I want to play Duck Hunt.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Hey, you guys. You guys pull my Chromecast out. I'm here to humor.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Ah. All right, Alex, where's the points?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, run it.

[Alex]

All right. Tied with two points each, Louis J. Gomez and Josh Potter. And tied for the lead with three points each, Big J Okerson and Sam Tripoli.

[Sam Tripoli]

Alex, first time I'm already dominating.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's that easy. Story number two. Three.

[Alex]

Story number three. When I was 22, I hooked up with a 41 year old woman. The next day her 10 year old son asked me if I was his new big brother.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This sounds like me. Lewis Mayhem. I wish I had this story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I kind of tried to.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Delightful.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's a broad spectrum up here, you know what I'm saying? Anybody could have done this.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This has to be Josh Potter. He's the only one up here who looks most like a 10 year old.

[Josh Potter]

I have a white beard and somehow I look like a 10 year old. That is insane.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But at some point you look like a big toddler.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You look like a 10 year old who's had to deal with a long term poltergeist. You've already lost your family on the other side.

[Sam Tripoli]

He's been through some shit.

[Josh Potter]

I get how again, this reads completely. I. I would vote for me if I was one of you, but I'm telling you, like, yeah, I'm not fucking a 41 year old when I was 22.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

How do you. What?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You're so great.

[Josh Potter]

No, it was the opposite of that. How would I riz up a 41 year old at 22?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Were you a virgin late into your life?

[Josh Potter]

Oh, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

When did you lose your virginity?

[Josh Potter]

Actually, it is 22, but that is not my. That's not a virginity.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How old was the woman?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Because your mom's friend Carol fucked you in front of her son.

[Josh Potter]

The girl I lost my virginity to is 26. So she was older but not that old. That's like. Seems like I don't even know how I would meet a 41 year old.

[Sam Tripoli]

It's really easy. You just go to Chuck E. Cheese.

[Josh Potter]

And they're all yeah, by the way, I don't even know how to do that. And I'm almost 41 now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Go to a grocery store.

[Josh Potter]

Yeah.

[Sam Tripoli]

I mean, they're not hard to find.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

A park, Pretty much any sidewalk in a city.

[Josh Potter]

Where are humans?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Everywhere. Josh, I know you're blind, but we're in a room. A sea full of people.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Kind of a sad term. I. I don't. I don't like this feeling that I'm having.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I know. It bums me out too.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. What's the matter, man?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jason's gonna start beating you up, cuz he said.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Angry. I don't like this. I. I don't know. We're coming to therapy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Empathy, fake mayhem.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Confused. Yeah. Wow. Not supposed to feel feelings. You push that down and forget about it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Go to practice.

[Josh Potter]

I got to hang out with this guy more.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Take it out on enemy raped.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Right. You just gotta join my alpha course.

[Josh Potter]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

$600 a month.

[Josh Potter]

Hey, I'm making up for lost time over here, man.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Am I gonna blow it again, man? Jesus Christ. I just gave up on this game already. Louis J. If it's not you, I don't know what to do.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jason, man, you know what?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I agree.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is my vote.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

May and miss. Although I see what Josh is doing over there. It's not a bad guess. That's a sleeper.

[Josh Potter]

He hasn't talked the whole time. Yeah, you.

[Sam Tripoli]

I've said some stuff.

[Josh Potter]

No, I meant this round. This. Like you're letting me over here.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Is that a re, Louis?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it's a redo. Yeah, because last time, it wasn't Jay Gomez. This time it's definitely Jay Gomez.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Josh Potter]

Why did he make his face wider? That's all he did. That's all the adjustments he made, man.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Don't make it a racial issue. It's just his facial tissue.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Dude, I love. He's drawing you like Titanic.

[Josh Potter]

I was gonna say this looks like a.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna paint you like my friend's boy.

[Sam Tripoli]

If Mayhem ever witnesses you get murdered and tries to give a description, I.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Will avenge you, Louis. Your beauty really does translate to the page. Dare I say Alex?

[Louis J. Gomez]

All of our answers are in round number three. Whose story was it?

[Alex]

Holy. Everybody.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Holy.

[Alex]

Story number three belongs to Josh Potter.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Whoa.

[Sam Tripoli]

He told us. He told us.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Holy. Holy. You charismatic son of a.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You dog.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Not only were you getting I that.

[Josh Potter]

Old lady, I'll tell you, I can't believe her son was there. It was crazy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Are you my new big?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Not even.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Are you my new.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

How?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He goes to dad at night, and.

[Josh Potter]

It'S like, will you play? And I was playing video games with him and stuff, and what am I gonna do? I'm there. He's asking me, you should have stole.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All the video games and left. He said, learn something.

[Josh Potter]

If only I could. Inception.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What did you say? He goes, are you my new big brother? And you were like, well, let me ask you this.

[Josh Potter]

I laughed.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Would your new big brother be fucking your mother? Because if so, sure.

[Josh Potter]

I laughed very hard. And I turned to the mother, and she laughed. And then he went to school, and then we had sex again.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh. On his race.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

On his race car bed.

[Josh Potter]

Yeah, she was a mess.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, what was her name? I'm guessing like a Dorothy or a Darlene.

[Josh Potter]

No, it was an old name, though.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Peggy.

[Josh Potter]

I'm not gonna say it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Agatha.

[Sam Tripoli]

Was she blind, too? Well, you might have an in on that shit.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They met at a cane store.

[Josh Potter]

No, she was just sad.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You guys met at a park. Cutting slits in your tennis balls so you can put them on the bottom of your walking things. Oh, hey, you cut a little plus sign into yours, too. Yeah, I know kind of grips better. A lot of people don't know that. And also, the best ones to use are pen 8. Yeah, we said at the same time.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex, three stories down. Where are our points at?

[Alex]

All right on the scoreboard. In fourth place with Two points. Louis J. Gomez.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Come on, you're in the game, dude. No, you're here. Nah, dude.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You like that? Oh, that's. That was cool. I've never been here live.

[Alex]

Tied for second place. Best crowds tied for second place with three points each. Big J Okerson and Sam Tripoli.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Respect.

[Josh Potter]

Her name was Mary.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He was the little lamb.

[Josh Potter]

Old as hell name.

[Alex]

And in the lead with six points, Josh Potter.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Stunning. Stunning.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Pretty badass.

[Josh Potter]

Thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, let's take a quick moment and thank Yo Kratom for being a longtime supporter of all the shows here at Gas Digital. All things comedy. I'll tell you right now, they support Skank best.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't think comedy. Gas Digital.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, no.

[Big J Okerson]

Gas Digital, all things comedy. SiriusXM, the riot cast network.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Your mom's house.

[Big J Okerson]

Your mom's house.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Stand up, New York Labs, Things that don't exist anymore.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Everybody.

[Big J Okerson]

No, they're great. They've been supporting us and everything we do at Skankfest for a long time. Genuine comedy fans. We love these guys and they support us in everything that we do. So really, what we're saying is, if you're in the market for Kratom, you should get it from Yokratum.com who has just incredible quality Kratom, the Absol. Best price on the Internet at $60 a kilo. And, yeah, you should just support that company because they are great.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. Yo, Kratom, home of the $60 kilo. Suck it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, where were we?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Three stories down. Alex, story number four.

[Alex]

Story number four. A woman once went to the police and told them, I assaulted her. I should not be admitting this on this show.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'll tell you what really sucks here is that everybody, including the two of them in this room, know it's mayhem. Or Lewis.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, I'll tell you right now, I would not admit this on this show.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

As your lawyer, I say do not admit this on the show.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'll tell you right now, it's a pretty big show. I wouldn't be going around admitting this on the show.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You might, you psycho.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And whoever story this is, we are not going to delete this story from the episode. There's no way to do it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, that's happened. That's happened. That's happened. We won't do it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We won't.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You put it on the show. Come on.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was somebody from la. They almost made us delete a story from that episode, and it would have fucked up the entire episode.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, he's Chinese. He told joke.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We're not deleting that from the episode.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I mean, look, I. I mean, no offense.

[Josh Potter]

Can I just come out in front and say I've never more confidently done anything in my life than put this.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

On the screen here? Really? You've met Lewis. He's definitely capable of driving a woman to this.

[Josh Potter]

I know, but, Louis, hey, man, I.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Beat those motherfucking charges, all right?

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's not the only thing you beat.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My meat for three to five.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, it's good.

[Josh Potter]

I would love to see Mayhem on a show called Police Reports with the Z at the end. You know, like the same here.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I tell the dude.

[Josh Potter]

I tell him.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Today. A man was robbed and arrested in the Comedy Store today.

[Josh Potter]

Take it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm on the Adam Carolla show. That's my job.

[Josh Potter]

I love you, dude.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, I'm going with Lewis.

[Sam Tripoli]

I'm going with Lewis, too.

[Josh Potter]

No way.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Am I insane? I just watched the way you were. Yeah, I've been studying people's writing. Yeah, the way you wrote Mayhem, it was no heart in it. You were just like, I gotta say something.

[Josh Potter]

What if, what if, what if, what if? Lewis.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Hey, that's you, dude. That's totally you.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, save those for pot Mario over here beating women.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, hey. What do you mean I beat you? You said you liked it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Eh.

[Sam Tripoli]

Also, you jumped a barrel and hit her with a hammer.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Also, you could have just put an L for Luigi. There's also Luigi.

[Josh Potter]

What if this was an elaborate plan for Lewis just to tell this story, to be able to write his Gotham City Mayhem logo up here?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, did you make it a fucking anti song?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

17.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

17 year old me just came in his pants.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, dude, that's fucking bad. You should have gotten a tattoo in your stomach just like that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex, whose story was it?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This.

[Alex]

This story belongs to Louis J. Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Ah, about time. I knew, though. I knew. I knew it.

[Josh Potter]

Got me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I only got one person.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, man, y' all are very good at this.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That I assaulted. Oh, yeah, no, I didn't assault this.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Did she learn her lesson?

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is a story that I. You'll know the story story when I. When I reframe it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Did she learn that? Reframe. It was time to let you claim.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was walking from a spot at the. This is a long time ago at the Comedy Cellar to Eastville Comedy Club. From the West Village to the East Village, and a cop van just rolls up on me with two cops in it and the chicks in the van, and she's like, that's him right there. That's Him. And I'm like. I'm like, what?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They were like, good. They were like, good guess.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Was it Ice Tea and Marisha?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, that'd be great.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're an episode of Law and Order.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, my God, dude. If it was Benson and Detective Quinn Tutu, Is this that detective, dude?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dude, I was like, what? They were like, come here. She was like, yeah, she's crying in the van. She's hammered. She's really drunk. And they were like. They're like, yeah. She's saying that you assaulted her. And I'm like, what? I was like, I've never seen this woman in my life.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Gong.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Gong. These are their stories.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Any relation to True People is strictly coincidental.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So, yeah, I was just like, dude, I was like, I'm going for. I'm a comedian. I'm going to a show. I just came from another show. And then the cops. I just. These two dudes, you just saw a moment where they were like, dude, I just fucking believe him. And they were like, just go. And then they just, like, dealt with her.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They went and raped her.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is in New York. This happened.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This in New York City.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Puerto Rican privilege. Hell, yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

God damn right, dude.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But I mean, literally, my life. I just watched my life.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Thank God you were in the barrio. Eh.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Eh.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So anyway, that didn't work. I wanted more points.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I know. For admitting to a crime.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I didn't.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, that's not. That was.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Thought you were gonna.

[Josh Potter]

Well, that's the thing that got me. You see, he didn't admit to a crime. He just said a woman once, went to the police and said it. He didn't say, I assaulted a woman.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's where I.

[Josh Potter]

He also didn't say, that's where I made my mistake.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Alex actually took out when he wrote, thank God I was wearing gloves.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They didn't fit. They must have quit.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex, where are our points at?

[Alex]

All right. In last place with two points, Jason Mayhem Miller.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. That's a victory in it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

On the board. On the board.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sorry, guys. I'm trying to make it entertaining. I'm not really thinking real clearly.

[Josh Potter]

You're doing a good job. You're drawing the pictures. This is insane.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Get out my art.

[Josh Potter]

I'm telling you, it's good. I like it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I misunderstood you.

[Josh Potter]

Please don't hurt me.

[Sam Tripoli]

I feel like a buddy comedy flick is happening right here.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Blind and insane. I'm down. Write the first six pages. You write the next six pages, and then this guy will write the last half.

[Josh Potter]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Three voices coming together in one Jumble of comedy. It's about time.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex.

[Alex]

In fourth place with three points, Louis J. Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

His mother. He can't stop winning.

[Alex]

Tied for second place with five points each, Big J Okerson and Sam Tripoli. And in the lead with six. Six points, Josh Potter.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Boom, boom, sneaky son of a bitch.

[Josh Potter]

Big J, may I have one of your beers?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Of course. These are everybody's beers.

[Josh Potter]

Oh, thank you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, we are at the halfway point of the show, which means we're gonna do some quick plugs and then we'll explain what happens in the second.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Half of the game.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Josh Potter. What are you plugging, my friend?

[Josh Potter]

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Please go to thejoshpotter.com and see where I'm coming to perform live and watch the Josh Potter Show. It's here at the Comedy Store. We tape it, so check it out. It comes out every Wednesday. I love you. Thank you very much.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Remember my date, Jason Miller?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey. Hey. So you know I'm a mixed martial arts fighter, but I also have japanla.com. yeah, I sell hello Kitty. What are you going to do about it? And follow me at Mayhem.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Miller, last time we had you on the bonfire, New York, because you were in town for toy toy conventions.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Look, I'm a fun guy and the profit margin's better than cocaine.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Mr. Tripoli.

[Sam Tripoli]

I got Kansas City coming up, Chicago coming up, and then I have Tulsa, Oklahoma City, and then I'm headlining the fat man at the Comedy Mothership, so. And that's October in October 17th. So go check it out.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

BigJComedy.com for all my dates. I'm all over the place. Big J Okerson's Peter North American tour coming on a city near you. If you get it, you get it, Sam.

[Sam Tripoli]

Tripoli.com.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I really like that understated thing. You Humble Bragg nearly everybody, you motherfucker. I love it, dog. You guys are.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I wish I showed Peter North Love.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, hey, there's an app for that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

There is. And celery juice, I think I heard. Look for a scene of you. I'm all over the place. I'm coming fucking all over the country and out. I'm doing some Canada, too. Yeah, and maybe some overseas. We'll figure it out. Of course. Listen to the bonfire five days a week, faction talk, SiriusXM103 with me and the great Robert Kelly.

[Sam Tripoli]

Tim Paul, hat comedy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And then of course, the flagship show right over here at Gas Digital, the Legion of Skanks. And also, I did, for the first time last weekend, I did a live stream. YouTube live stream. So I'm gonna keep doing those, man, if you guys enjoy them, man. A lot of fun just going through my algorithm and talking shit like I would be doing if nobody was watching.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Come see me. Like, come see me live on the road, guys. I'm finishing up my tour for the year. The Bring five Friends tour. You know what, guys? I'll say for the rest of the tour, bring seven friends.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Why not?

[Louis J. Gomez]

That'd be sick.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Dude, it's.

[Josh Potter]

Yo, it's genius. I'm telling you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Why not come see me? I'm gonna be everywhere. Go to louisofskanks.com grab tickets for all those shows because this is the end of the year. This is it. Putting out a new special. Check out all the other podcasts that I do. The Regs Legion of Skanks, obviously. I have a book that I just finished that is available for pre order right now on Amazon.com we'll be giving it away on Story Wars. I'm sure at one point. It's called Knives and Spoons. It's my memoir of my childhood. It's funny and fucked up and, you know, I think you guys will like it. So, yeah, do that. And subscribe to Gas Digital. If you love the show, get the uncensored ad free version of the show. It comes out on Monday nights instead of Thursdays. When it comes out on YouTube and everywhere else, there's like 20 or 30 episodes that aren't available anywhere else. Go to gasdigital.com use that promo code WAR. And you save a couple bucks a month and you support the show and just the fucking best guys.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Best audience in comedy. Yeah. Now, sure. Mayhem, Lewis, you guys are probably feeling pretty shitty about yourselves right now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I'm not. I'm.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm not. I mean, I know how it works.

[Josh Potter]

How does this affect your championship rankings? Do you guys like, do your careers?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

There's no point. I'm terrible at the game.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jay's only won five times. I've won like 20.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My self esteem is bulletproof.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Hell yeah, Jay.

[Josh Potter]

Listen, mine is the exact opposite.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It doesn't matter. Because Josh, as you sit atop the rankings and Jason, you at the very.

[Josh Potter]

Bottom day of my life, the game.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Is still anybody's because with these scores, it could change just very simply in one round. Because for the final four stories over here at Story wars, we go double points.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Whoa.

[Sam Tripoli]

Double points.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Thank you, Roots, Quest, Love, Black Thought, and the boys over in the back corner. Will you not pay him enough to be on on camera? But they are here. The Roots.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Every week they come, they show up.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They still show up. Goes, guys, I don't have cash. And Questlove goes bruh. And then black thought does.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's crazy. It's sweet. Thank you, guys.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Music. The hot, hot music. Oh, sorry. So, Jason, you're not at the Police positive Tourette's.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think you're not even sorry.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Like, yeah, we can do it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You're not even sort of out of it because if you fooled somebody before, you got one point and if you guessed the correct store, you got two points. But now that moves to double points.

[Sam Tripoli]

What? Out of control, dude. Out of control.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Attention is ratcheted.

[Sam Tripoli]

Oh my God.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Buddies game. Alex, lay it on us. Story number five.

[Alex]

Story number five. I once got catfished by an Asian on plentyoffish.com who showed up at 260 pounds. She was so thankful that she later dropped off a trash bag with full of edibles.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I mean, this should have had a picture of Potter next to it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Come on, man.

[Sam Tripoli]

So hard.

[Josh Potter]

Listen again. I mean, I get it, but let me tell you why it's not me. I feel like I'm. I should get points just for letting you tell. Tell you why it's not me. I mean this. I would never have the gall to go on plentyoffish.com and think someone's gonna come me on it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

A 260 pounder Asian would.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't know.

[Josh Potter]

What if she has high self esteem?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Huh?

[Josh Potter]

What if she has high self esteem? She's up there, she's like, I'm a sexy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's not.

[Josh Potter]

I don't know.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You know what I mean?

[Josh Potter]

I'm not expecting anyone to want.

[Sam Tripoli]

I mean.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, it's not a. It's not a show of wealth and royalty.

[Josh Potter]

I'm telling you, you're going to guess me and you're going to be wrong and someone's going to get away with murder here. And I wish I could figure it out. This reads Sam Tripoli to me. Only because of the website.

[Sam Tripoli]

I would never swipe right on an Asian, so you know it's not me.

[Josh Potter]

All right, touche. You bring up good arguments.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's called Uncle Sam for a reason.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, plenty of fish.com is crazy. Is that even an app or is that like a website?

[Josh Potter]

I wasn't going on that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I know, I know. Come on. Winner.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Really? You think I'm on plentyoffish.com?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, but the fact you. I. I don't know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's a.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Now I do. Because you Went like this. Is that a. Like a dating.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There's a difference between an app and, like a thing, right? There's. There's like match.com is an orange. There's probably an app.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Isn't. Let me see your.

[Josh Potter]

No, no, hold on.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There's Tinder. That's like swiping 100%. Match.com is not swiping.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I bet it is. This point.

[Josh Potter]

Plenty of hooker, but back in the.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Day, it wasn't right.

[Josh Potter]

260 pound Asians.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Thank you very much.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Plenty of space.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Fuck you, bitch.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Security. Security. Fuck her.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Remove this bitch right now. I'm serious.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Do not remove her. She's right and you're wrong.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Remove her right now. Security.

[Sam Tripoli]

She's right, too. Free speech.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And Lewis, she has very dramatic bangs, which means she will write a letter. She will have this place.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's not even her, Jay. I'm talking about this one right here.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, no. Yeah, this one. Have her fucking booted.

[Josh Potter]

A 200.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This guy goes out in the morning and catches fish for local seafood restaurants.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Some would say he catches plenty of fish.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Hi.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Hope we should all put our microphones down and walked off stage together at that. Boy, he goes, who cares who won? Dude, that was the best.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, you know that I'm not on plenty of fish Dot com. That's psychotic.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you're on black.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, do it. Yeah. Lewis definitely is a J date. Louis, you are a smooth black guy wearing a sweater.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I'm not good on any of these apps, dude. Any of those apps. I just swipe. I swipe, I swipe. Nobody finds me attractive except £500 black women.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Nothing wrong with them.

[Josh Potter]

No, this is in the deep recesses of the Internet. Plenty of fish is like, oh, I didn't even know they made barrels big enough a 260 pound Asia could fit in it. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's how up plenty of fishes. It's like the gutter of. No one's doing that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Them Asians are the chicken of the sea.

[Josh Potter]

Listen, you're all laughing because you think it's me, but it's not. And you're gonna be really taken off guard when you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, let me also. Can I also say mayhem. Again, A lot of time in Asia also, but that's like three Asian girls over there. I know, but as a fighter. As a fighter, you eye up people and categorize them in pounds.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You know what? I get it. I think I could definitely think a leg a bitch that big.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, no, without a doubt. No, you're in no danger for sure.

[Josh Potter]

What if that's.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She's out of your weight? She's out of your weight class. But your skill level. At her best. Could be. It's just not even a fight, but I'd like to see it happen.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Take her to deep water.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

How great would it be if a girl showed up and she goes, well, look, I'm cunt. I know I catfished him, but I'm still showing up with pussy, so he's gonna be excited. And then mayhem. Miller, fucking arm bars. You. You shaved your pussy for that? You shaved your fat Asian pussy for that? That sucks. But it's Potter. All that said.

[Josh Potter]

Watch, watch.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Tripoli, is this you?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I like how I waited for an answer. Is he gonna say yes, is it you? If it's you, I won't put this in.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He's feigning racism to get out of it, but it probably is him.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Louis is the. Every time he. Every time he alters it, it. Can I tell you something? He's got something there. His editing has been world class. It's becoming more and more you. Each and every time, that's become, wow. Wow.

[Josh Potter]

Give this guy a statement.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Look at the ears.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Look at stuff like, yeah, it's photorealism.

[Josh Potter]

You have a talent. It's in.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If I had time, I would do it in pointillism. A couple of art students.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I have no idea who. I'm having a real hard time.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You took down that big Asian.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's not me.

[Josh Potter]

May I ask. This is a large Asian? More exotic.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Did you just say out loud, it's not me? Yeah, you just go, who is it? It's not me. So it's someone else.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know what I'll say right now? So it's.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Is it you? Face. That was crazy. That was weird. The way you did. That was weird.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I haven't had edibles in a very, very, very.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They just hit.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They just hit.

[Josh Potter]

Oh, my God.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm dead ass.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, you took it back to stage.

[Alex]

I told you not to take 100 milligrams, dude.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But 100 milligrams is not insane for me. That's like, what?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Is it from the guy who dropped the big bag?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Where's the guy?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Whoever dropped the guy?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Whoever dropped him in the back in the green room.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, I brought him back. He gave them me outside.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Who's the guy? Who's the guy?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is this guy back here? What's the company's name?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That is him. Yes.

[Josh Potter]

Smokey's Edibles.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Smokey's Edibles. They are really good, sir.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Seraphina. Seraphina, get me edible.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Seraphina. Give me a few packs. We'll throw them out to the crowd.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Spread the word.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Why don't we figure out who got catfished by this fat Asian bitch?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's Potter.

[Josh Potter]

Dude, I wish I sampled the Orient in this way.

[Louis J. Gomez]

See?

[Sam Tripoli]

Ah, shit. Here's the problem.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'll tell you right now. Potter. Every time. His excuse. He did the same thing on the last one.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's just. He's like. He's like, yeah, right. Dude. Why would I do that?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's.

[Josh Potter]

No, like, that's not what I said. I said I wish I did that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Now you're floundering. Wait, can I change it? All I gotta do is erase his mustache and make it white.

[Josh Potter]

Get it? I promise. I promise you. This is not me. And I would love to.

[Sam Tripoli]

You said that last time.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I know. It's all the same.

[Josh Potter]

And I was right.

[Sam Tripoli]

No, it was you.

[Josh Potter]

Oh, okay. I'm drunk. Believe what you want. I wish I fucked a 260 pound Asian. I've never seen one that loose.

[Sam Tripoli]

Is making you look like a Dr. Seuss character right now.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You do look like a Dr. Seuss character in this particularly.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We Found Waldo.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Can I say something? It's a terrible drawing. And not terribly.

[Josh Potter]

Everyone would know who you're talking about.

[Sam Tripoli]

It's both bad and it's bad bad.

[Josh Potter]

But.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And it captured your essence.

[Josh Potter]

It's like the Timothy McVeigh.

[Sam Tripoli]

Like, if the cops came in with that drawing, we'd all say it's pot wheat.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You'll go, that might be Josh Potter.

[Josh Potter]

Listen, I don't think he would do.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Any worth accusing him of. But ask him. Alex.

[Alex]

Story number five belongs to Jason Miller.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Mayhem. Mayhem. If you're nasty. Mayhem.

[Sam Tripoli]

I got it. I got it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I goddamn described why it was him. And then just went pop water.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, I got.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, well, the story is that. The story is right there. That's what happened. But I'll expand upon it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Please.

[Josh Potter]

£160 to you is like nothing. I feel like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? 265 is the limit for heavyweight in the UFC. So it's something. It's something. All right, all right.

[Sam Tripoli]

I did not know this.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Let me tell you guys. I can't. Strategy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Did you ask her her weight or you just. You're guessing, man.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Look, I put in plant and fish on purpose because that was a long time ago, all right? Let me preface it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Sure.

[Josh Potter]

Different guys, you know what I mean?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Pictures weren't as. You couldn't just bust them out as good. So she had some special angles. And buddy, now, the first part of the con was fantastic. I'll come over. I said, yeah, all right. I said, oh, this is going to be, man. As soon as I opened the door, she kept her face locked into my face so I could just look in her eyes and look in her face. And then she guided herself in the door and immediately started touching in good spots.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I know you're not. She was moving you back and back towards the kitchen so she could reach over your shoulders for snacks.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She doesn't know you're a fighter. You eat healthy. Granora.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Whey, protein, yucky. Yeah.

[Sam Tripoli]

Mayhem the fatty dude. That's the moral of the story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, you know what I mean? Well, one of a few that night, you know what I mean? Throw the meat inside the buns, you know what I mean? And look, by the time that the thing was damn over, I was like, wow, fat girls ain't half bad. Fat girls, I had to admit, if.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They'Re Asian, it's sort of spiritual.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, here's the thing, is that she was so thankful and appreciated. I was jacked, ripped, and like, muscle head in my prime form. And I said, man, this is actually going to be kind of fun.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And so I lifted her up, all right, you know, because had the strength to do that. And it tossed her around, you know, like she'd never been in her whole life ever or since, bless her heart, Patty.

[Sam Tripoli]

Seed love, too.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I remember, see, and our last part was to throw you guys off a bit. Okay, That's a true story. She tried to come over like, hey, I'm in the area. Did one of those. I'm at lax. Like, what? She's like, well, I got you a present. I'm like, all right. So when I come back home, it's a trash bag. I'm like, these fucking neighbors. No. Weed, weed, weed. Yo, you could do some viral marketing, sir, wherever you are, leave that. Who are some chubby and chicks, you know what I mean?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, that's a good point. The dude who gave us these edibles, you should do you have a fat girl who will fuck the fans?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

See, look, she doesn't have to be.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Asian preferred, but doesn't have to be.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Doesn't have to be a plump Asian.

[Sam Tripoli]

The way you describe Santa Claus, she did.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, yeah, I never saw her again.

[Josh Potter]

The way you described that story was like, it now it sounds more like it would be mine because it's like you get there and you're like, oh, oh, oh. You are bigger than I. You know what I mean? You're touching her body.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Maybe I can find her again in this age of Ozempic.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, you don't want the loose skin from that showing up.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you just wrap it over top of your head and get to work.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, wrap it over.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jk. Lol. I'm dating someone.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, God. A loose skinned Asian woman. It's gonna be like a hairless cat.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, I know, like a flying squirrel.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Spinello. Is that the company?

[Louis J. Gomez]

What is. What's the company called again? Spinello and Smokey's edibles. These got me funky, dude. I'll tell you right now.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Damn, dude, you see that cannon?

[Sam Tripoli]

Oh, you just knocked over their drink.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Damn, dude. That had no accuracy at all.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You fucking Rita. Women are so dumb. She just smacked it. She just smacked it at this guy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Someone give me another one. I want to throw it. I'm Jalen Hurts, dude.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Her pickleball instincts kicked in.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right, what are our scores at?

[Alex]

All right? In last place with three points, Louis J. Gomez.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dirty bitch.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Helicopter. Alex, why do you sound disgusted with Mayhem Miller's behavior with this fat Asian.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, I was gentle lover and I was attentive.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He was an attentive, gentle lover, you bitch.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Attentive.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Get over yourself, Alex.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We had a good time. We had a magical night. I'm sorry if that came off.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, you don't have to feel bad about that. She should apologize to you, but it's okay.

[Sam Tripoli]

The rage that Mayhem makes love with must be intense.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you know what I mean? God, I bet five minutes of period pure anger.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, she's loving it. And then there's a scary moment where his dad where he punches the wall over her head and she's like, was that on purpose? He's like, no, I'm good, I'm good.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What round is it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Got me big.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Bloody knuckles on the wall. She goes, oh, are you okay? He's like, yeah, that was funny.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, no, that bitch was banging my head off the headboard too much. Sorry, guys.

[Josh Potter]

Lewis, did you guess? You didn't guess Jason on that one or any of them.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I would have guessed.

[Josh Potter]

I feel like you see him and you're like, oh, my God, this guy's like me times 10 or whatever. And you're like, I can't even.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't.

[Josh Potter]

Is it. Is the story belong to me? You know what I'M saying like it's very possible. You're perplexed.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They told me in the back I can't guess myself.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think me and Lewis have the same 260 pound woman before. More than once.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Simultaneously.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. We've been friends for a long weird time.

[Josh Potter]

That's like a foursome.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It'll be like an Eiffel Tower, but like really like a London bridge.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It was a real droop.

[Alex]

Alex in fourth place with five points, Big J Okerson.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Damn.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, dude, I love throwing out.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Dude, that look pretty cool. Get that guy right there. Hey, I get them over there. It's in the dark, dude.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Dude, is this. Is this the power? Is this the power that T shirt gun guys have?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Who the wants it?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We got to send one way back. Oh wait, I wanted to try them.

[Sam Tripoli]

Throw one back. Throw one back. Jay, right here.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, take. Don't eat the whole dang thing, bro.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, we got a bunch in the back. Look at it. They'll get me more.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And they're going to get me more.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right. Did you finish the points, Alex?

[Alex]

No, I barely started.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hey, Alex.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey. This points at Alex.

[Alex]

In third place with six points, Mayhem Miller.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'll take it.

[Alex]

In second place with nine points, Sam Tripoli. And in the lead with 10 points, Josh Potter.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm getting annihilated right now.

[Josh Potter]

Oh, I wish all these people would come see my shows.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'll buy a ticket.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, let's take a quick moment, story warriors, and thank one of our incredible sponsors which is actually my company, Body Brain Coffee. The reason I'm killing it so much on story wars. People like dude, Louis must cheat. Louis must be out there doing. He's in cahoots with Alex. He's doing this at the other.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, no, no, no.

[Big J Okerson]

My mind is sharper than ever. My body is sharper than ever. I'm using body brand coffee which is an incredible Colombian freeze dried. Amazing flavored that has adaptogens and nootropics mixed in. Tonga Dali to support testosterone naturally. Lion's main for brain function ashwagandha l theanine. 5 ingredients lab tested. 3rd party tested. Truly an incredible product. Jay, I'll tell you right now, you don't even like coffee and you've been drinking. Body Brain cough.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You.

[Big J Okerson]

You power through the how much you hate the flavor of it just to give yourself that edge.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, no, I've. What I do is I put out a little taste for myself. I do a little line of it, snort it up and then the rest I mixed with warm water, and I might add it up my ass. Now, are the results exactly the same as someone who drinks it? Am I taking it steps way too far?

[Big J Okerson]

100%?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I can't say for sure. But I will tell you this. Things have been different, and I mean that in a good way.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll tell you right now if you're. If you. For a long time, Tonga Ali has been used as a natural aphrodisiac. People use it instead of things like Viagra. It just is everything from your testosterone to your virility to your overall energy and mood in the gym, at work, whatever you need. Body Brain Coffee has you covered. And we're going to be a pretty incredible discount if you use the promo code LOS25. We're going give you 25% off today. That's the best discount available anywhere. It's my podcast, my product. Try it out, see if you love it. I think you will.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay. You know what it is your product? Sure. Yes. But for a very, very limited time, if you use code big J with a Z, you're going to get. And hear this 26% off. You heard it here first, folks. Big J with a Z.26. If you could figure out that code, Big J with a Z.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, we got to figure out if.

[Big J Okerson]

We'Re going to make it a real thing.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We have to make.

[Big J Okerson]

Is it B, I, G, J, A Y, Z?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Nope, that's all I'll tell you. It's not that big J with a Z version of that that works.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, here's what the actual code will be.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Big Jay Z can't make sure that's for effects.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll make sure. I'll do it right now.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Let me ask you a question before I start saying this crazy things. Are there legalities behind the way you're handling this versus what I'm saying?

[Big J Okerson]

No, I just.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I would just say. I would just say if they can find that, that last percentage in how I just chose this, I really want.

[Big J Okerson]

Them to actually buy the product. So to bodybringcoffee.com and you think they.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Won'T buy because it's Los 25 versus 26 off. You got to be a real piece of.

[Big J Okerson]

For that use that promo code, big J with a Z. That's B I, G JZ. You're gonna get 26 off for a very limited time. To see. This is genuinely the largest discount we've ever done, and it's a big J discount. Thank big J for that extra percentage point off.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Thank Big J with a Z.

[Big J Okerson]

Think big J with a Z. B, I, G. Thanks.

[Louis J. Gomez]

B, I, G, J, Z. Big jizz.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Big jizz.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Big jizz.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Big J with a Z.

[Big J Okerson]

Save 25% today. All right, where were we?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex? Story number six.

[Alex]

Story number six. I was getting blown by a girl who was mean and kind of ugly.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That really woke me up.

[Alex]

In the middle of it, I texted a nicer, prettier girl, and she came over and finished the job. The mean uggo was very, very mad.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Ooh, wee. I know who this could be.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Who?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Us. J. Gomez.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, Sam. Tripoli definitely says the word.

[Josh Potter]

Sam said he was doing fragile. He said he was doing Bragg stories.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yep, this could be Sam.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I can hear it in his voice. That's the problem. Go ahead, say it. Read a little tape.

[Josh Potter]

Come on, read it, Sam. Read the story, Uggo.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Just say, meaning ugly is such a. Why? How is she blowing you in those. Both of those things? How did you get past mean to get her to blow you? She's like, I'll blow you, you ugly piece of. You want me to suck your little dumb dick? You.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, mean, ugly girls do give blow jobs at one point.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Point.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They all do, right?

[Josh Potter]

Hey, that seems deflective.

[Sam Tripoli]

What makes a girl mean? And nice teeth.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, I think on the right night, any of us will. A rattlesnake in the mouth. Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This rattlesnake. Any. Any given night, I'm here for it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I met on the right night, but I misspoke.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yo, I'm here for it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Get a little Freudian slipping down a rattlesnack. Ah, sorry, guys. I took those candies in the back. I don't know what that was.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I mean.

[Sam Tripoli]

Talked about.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Don't even try to get me off. Sam Tripoli. It's you. I know it's you. I'm going to write your name left handed with my.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What do you do? Do you take this whole thing?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, no, don't take the whole thing. Look, I'm. I'm.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I took the whole thing, and I'm.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Lewis.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Do the whole thing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Do the whole thing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No. Why would you want to hurt your friend? Who does that? Try the cocaine, too. This might be fentanyl. You try.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Just do the whole thing.

[Josh Potter]

I thought you were all. You were my inspiration to work out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, no, I was.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And I'm doing more than half.

[Louis J. Gomez]

More than half, more than half, more.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Than half, more than half, more than.

[Josh Potter]

Half, more than half, more than half, more than Half.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

For the record, Lewis got me addicted to weed years ago, and then he kind of stopped smoking weed. So I don't continue to smoke weed like I do it all the time.

[Josh Potter]

Can I give Big J a compliment and make him comfortable to eat the rest of it? Big J looks so tan and svelte. He went from a Kyle Schwaber jersey to a Bryce Harper jersey like that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Go, Phil's.

[Josh Potter]

You look good, buddy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I knew some of those words.

[Josh Potter]

It's a baseball joke.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Sam Tripoli. You ugly. Getting your dick sucked. Son of a bitch. You ugly.

[Sam Tripoli]

I'm in the room, dude.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You ugly. You getting your dick sucked by ugly bitches. Son of a bitch is how I meant to word that.

[Sam Tripoli]

Oh, my God.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The way I said it the first time. Said, you're ugly. You're a gorgeous man. The ugly girls that I met.

[Sam Tripoli]

Okay, Sam, do you feel better?

[Josh Potter]

Affinity for ugly girls, man. I mean, you're such a nice guy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's all me getting.

[Josh Potter]

That's why I think.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Listen. The word uggo is. That's the only reason I would say this isn't Louis, right? Yeah, the word uggo. But also, it could be Mayhem. Miller. Because he could be. He says crazy words and also has the gumption to text a girl while an uglier girl is sucking his cock. Actively.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Listen, I might change my answer. I have done this 100%.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I just talked myself into mayhem.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, you almost talked me into mayhem right now.

[Josh Potter]

Who is that? That's weird.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, this is the flat earth. Cause I know you believe in the flat earth. I decided to pick a visual representation of you instead of the actual you so as not to cause confusion.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Potter. Huh? Who'd you say?

[Josh Potter]

I said.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Potter.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Did you put it. Oh, you put it up.

[Josh Potter]

Someone said me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If it's in your hand, it doesn't count yet.

[Josh Potter]

Who said me? Who said me?

[Sam Tripoli]

I said you.

[Josh Potter]

Oh, damn.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Sam Tripple.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. No, I never did this. We could shake him down, huh?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Did you do it?

[Sam Tripoli]

I'm in trouble.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Don't try to mod melt with Sam.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna vote Sam Tripoli.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Everyone's answers are in Alex.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My sister told me you did that. She looked like me with a bow in her hair.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And she was the prettier girl from the story.

[Alex]

Wow, everybody. This story belongs to Josh Potter.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Holy shit. This man is unstoppable. Potter, Potter, Potter, Potter, Potter.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Hard to argue. Hard to argue with.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's like the Heartful Dodger.

[Josh Potter]

Buy tickets to my fucking shows, for Christ's sake.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

How about that?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Potter.

[Sam Tripoli]

Dude, grab tickets to potter's [e-mail].

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Just your energy.

[Josh Potter]

I'll tell you exactly how this happened.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wait, wait. You did a smooth thing on the show. You started the show being, like, getting pussy. That's crazy. I never get pussy. I know. I'm the old loser who never gets pussy. All your stories are. But getting sucked and fucked, and then you have such fucking clout that when someone ugly and mean is sucking your dick, you go, I'm gonna have a better bitch come sup, you. But you vamp. Vamp down there on my wiener. While I did that day was one.

[Josh Potter]

Of the best days of my life. Because I was at a bar, and two girls were talking to me, and I just accepted the one that was appropriate to me, I thought. And I went home with her. And she was just mean.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And she was ugly, 260, Asian.

[Josh Potter]

And she. Yeah, pretty much.

[Sam Tripoli]

She might as well.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She said she was mean and he was sucking his dick. Was she Headbanger Ball?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, she was like.

[Josh Potter]

She's like. You're like, yeah, I'm even here sucking your dick right now. Like, that kind of thing. You know what I mean? And it's like, you're gross.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Pull your stupid, stupid.

[Sam Tripoli]

Hold on, hold on. So you kicked her off your dick.

[Josh Potter]

No, no, no.

[Sam Tripoli]

And biting somebody over.

[Josh Potter]

What happened? I was laying there while she was sucking my dick. We were drunk or whatever, and I had my phone, and I was like, you should come over to the other.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Girl who was at the bar, who.

[Josh Potter]

Was prettier and nicer. Just, like, shooting my shot, whatever, you know? Who cares? I was shooting my shot. Then she rang the doorbell, and the girl was like, who's here? I go, I don't know. And then, like, she went. We both went downstairs to, like, open the door, and it was.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And you still. But you still didn't know.

[Josh Potter]

No, I knew exactly.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Baby, you got to tell me who it is.

[Josh Potter]

No, I knew exactly who it was. And I was like, why you touched her face? My heart was racing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, no.

[Josh Potter]

She.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I text this girl.

[Josh Potter]

She rang the doorbell. She rang the doorbell at an odd hour, so I knew she was coming over. She's like, I'm here. And she rang the doorbell, and so the girl faced the other girl, and it was like a. A fun house mirror, like, looking into. And I was like. And she was like, you really just brought another girl over? I was like, I don't know what I'm doing. I was like. And that was like, the worst I've ever been.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But that is Wait, so did the one leave?

[Josh Potter]

Yeah, she left and the other one came in and did the other thing. And then.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She was like, you're fucking.

[Josh Potter]

Let me say this before the Internet runs wild with rampant narratives. This lady was mean.

[Sam Tripoli]

She deserved it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She was like.

[Josh Potter]

She was not nice. She was very mean.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Did the second girl, like, she was jerk off the spit of the other girl first?

[Josh Potter]

She knew what was going on. I said, this mean lady was sucking my dick. Not as good as you would do it, but like, oh, I did one of those.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, she was like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She was like, you're blind.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wow. What a meet cute. What happens when one guy's getting.

[Josh Potter]

This was one of those things. It was fun. It was a fun day in my Life. I'm almost 40 now. These won't happen anymore. You gotta relish them.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They've been married for 12 years. Give them a hand.

[Josh Potter]

Let's relish these memories. You know, I was like, 25 or whatever the hell, you know. What a day.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What are our scores at? That was a. I mean, ass kicking. We just got.

[Josh Potter]

I'm sorry. I'm winning. I'm sorry.

[Alex]

On the scoreboard, in last place with three points, Luis J. Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My, how the mighty Hell Lewis.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Have you ever lost, like, last place now, by the way. Well, welcome to the bottom. I've been down here a bunch. Let me tell you something. It's all right, dude. Keeps you loose and funny. When you're like, yeah, it doesn't matter. I don't give. Let these three play. I don't know what the fuck's happening. It's always obviously me when it's me. Everybody seems to know immediately. And then you. Every time I guess you, you're like, it's not. And then I tell everyone else not to say you, and then you win. It's pretty much. And just on and on with that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I seen that episode.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's called Anyone that's still available on YouTube.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex.

[Alex]

In fourth place with five points, Big J Okerson.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right. All right. Yep.

[Alex]

In third place with six points, Mayhem Miller.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Climbing the ranks. Get him a title shot, baby. All right. All right.

[Alex]

In second place with 13 points, Sam Tripoli.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Always finding the pattern.

[Alex]

And in the lead with 16 points, Josh Potter.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

How are we supposed to play against Kaiser Sose?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He fucking threw us all for. I agree with you. He threw us for a loop. He was like, guys, I don't even know, like, pushing.

[Josh Potter]

I don't even know what to say.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Is it cool you guys tell me? I never got it and then every story is like, I'm nuts deep in this pig. And then her friend's, like, waiting, begging, like, can I have some of it? And I'm like, sure, baby. There's plenty for both of you. Everyone has a little kiss. Then we practice kissing each other, too. Yeah. And every story's like, oh, that was just that one time.

[Josh Potter]

Yeah, one story is not indicative to a life.

[Sam Tripoli]

You sound guilty.

[Josh Potter]

Well, I mean, now you're all perplexed.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You did that shit last night, you slut.

[Josh Potter]

I wish, Alex.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Hmm. Oh, you're right, Louis. That was subtle. And I have been drinking. But I should tell you guys what's going on tonight. Everyone's playing for a chance to win. Like a Mother. A feminist journey through the science and culture of pregnancy Like A Mother breaks down how the body changes during pregnancy and after birth. Garbs explains how organs shift, how breast milk is made, and what it takes for the body to recover after labor. She mixes medical research with her own experience, and the result is a book that's informative without ever sounding clinical.

[Josh Potter]

I gotta win. This is the only way I'm gonna find out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, why are we sponsored by obgyn?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't know. How breast milk is made is a weird thing to. I'd like to read into that. How it's made. It doesn't. Just happens. Right. There's a baby, and then your tits. And your tits.

[Josh Potter]

Breast milk has electrolytes in it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Suck on them.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And then you suck like a baby on a tit.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It happens in the mammaries.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It does. Very good. Good.

[Sam Tripoli]

Sounds like you don't need the book.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, no, no, no. He wrote this. You guys don't know this, but Mayhem. Miller's pen name.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I'm a lesbian.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Also, Angela Garbs. He works under Angela Garbs. Alex. Story number seven, I believe.

[Alex]

Story number seven. I convinced my conservative girlfriend into a threesome, during which she froze like a goat and ruined the experience.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That sounds like Big J Okerson. Finally.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Who's my conservative girlfriend?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You didn't even move. You didn't even move.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Froze like a. Froze like a ghost goat is hilarious. We're not going to acknowledge that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Frozen a goat is great.

[Josh Potter]

I don't understand that. I don't understand the analogy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The scared goats. Would they. When they scare the girls.

[Josh Potter]

Deer in the headlights. That's what I.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Sure. But this is funnier.

[Josh Potter]

All right. It's regional.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's regional. I'd love to take credit for this. This isn't me. I don't know what. Come on. I don't have a conservative girlfriend ever in my life.

[Josh Potter]

I don't know what the hell.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think it's you again.

[Josh Potter]

I don't know what the hell? A goat.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She did like this. You know the one.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I do.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I remember memafi. My life. I got to get off the Internet.

[Josh Potter]

Bro's like a.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Who knew that mayhem was going to have a great goat impression? That's crazy. God put this here for us.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That big Asian girl found out. I mean.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Tripoli, Tripoli. Tripoli.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. I mean that's what's making me conservative. It's like.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I would never. I would never like categorize.

[Josh Potter]

Also goat. It's like whatever the Balfamuzza. Whatever the hell you talk about with this devil and all that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Baphomet. Yeah, there you go.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Baffle met. I know that one. Man. I've seen tattoos in prison.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You guys aren't.

[Josh Potter]

Yeah, it's Sam.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You guys aren't stoked on Satan.

[Sam Tripoli]

I love how you guys do not think highly of me. That's what I've learned tonight.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, let me say something. I'm giving a lot of. I said here's the thing. Conservative girlfriend. What's actually selling me here is froze like a goat. Very funny line.

[Sam Tripoli]

Okay. So thank you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So it's what's. And it's not mine. And I don't believe in Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What happened, man?

[Josh Potter]

Hey, that's. I'm blind, not drunk. Get off my back.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He dropped his cake. Huh?

[Josh Potter]

Right here.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh.

[Josh Potter]

Oh, that's something.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You don't put it on.

[Josh Potter]

I didn't put it on yet, but.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It'S a goddamn miracle.

[Sam Tripoli]

I mean this is kind of lining up with Potter's whole night, right? Like he's really been convincing some to do some.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, Potter. Is this you just laying the dick down hard again, dude.

[Josh Potter]

Sam, I don't.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You're coming in here with your goddamn trifocals confusing the. Out of everybody, buddy. And meanwhile you're just crushing snatch all around town. Dude.

[Josh Potter]

May I say if I'm the villain you think I am, would I have enough time to discern what political party they are in?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, okay. That's fair. Can't tell you about your political leagues when your stuff down their throat, dude. Right.

[Josh Potter]

Dog, I got a. I got a lot of other hoops to jump through. Not the political party part. So I don't discern that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, this seems like tinfoil hat shit. This seems. I would never call a girl. I guess my ex wife is a Liberal, queefy Hispanic chick. And Christine just watches this. Whatever we watch, no one gives a fuck.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, I would say it. I could see this being Mayhem as well. Mayhem. You're a fucking fighter.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah, I definitely could do this. I'm on the Adam Carolla show. Shit, I can have two conservative girlfriends to have a threesome with if I wanted. But I'm dating someone.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Lewis. You just said it. And you're absolutely right. It's Mayhem.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think, yeah. Mayhem lives a wild life. And he would date a conservative guy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He also froze like a goat. Frozen.

[Josh Potter]

Sam, I wrote you, pal, okay?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Froze like a goat. And the fact that Sam is saying.

[Josh Potter]

Froze like a goat is a funny line that Sam would write. Thank you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I did feel that way, too. But it's now that I hear it, though. I hear it in Mayhem's voice. True. Now I know he's wasting his time.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She froze like a goat.

[Sam Tripoli]

Now we gotta guess who you wrote.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Look, okay, I was rushed, all right? It wasn't as good as it could have been.

[Josh Potter]

All right? Who is that?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Thinks it's Josh.

[Josh Potter]

I don't have that.

[Sam Tripoli]

Who's blind?

[Josh Potter]

Big J thinks I have hair.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Draw you like a French girl.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Your guess is a take no nonsense black teacher from a 90s film.

[Sam Tripoli]

Looks like it's Hell Electric Boogal.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You think I'm not Casey or Jojo from Jodeci?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But my body, My body.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You think I'm the baritone based talking guy from Boyz to Men who's the only one who's not in the band anymore?

[Josh Potter]

Big J thinks I have hair. That's not me.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex.

[Alex]

All of our answers are in story number seven. Belongs to Mayhem Miller.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They uncovered my pots and my plan. Yeah, bud, I did that. Sorry about that, lady.

[Josh Potter]

You tricked some people, you know?

[Sam Tripoli]

Why were you dating conservative?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Look, she said she wanted to do it. She said she was down. She was not down. Now, the thing about this girl was this particular girl was a bodybuilder. Very strong lady, used to posing. And when she froze like this goat, I was mid coitus getting vice pinched with a body lock of a thousand. Like Star wars when they crush the thing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah, the walls.

[Sam Tripoli]

This is him all the time, by the way. I don't know how he's not tired.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, they say I'm all the way awake or I'm all the way asleep. Anyway, man, look, man, the one girl was a pro, okay? Here's the thing, right? What I didn't say was a Christian conservative, okay? Because she Was very. I don't know, I guess they trained her that being a lesbian is bad because.

[Sam Tripoli]

Was she a white girl?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

White girl? No, definitely not.

[Sam Tripoli]

What was she?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Look, let's not get into all that.

[Sam Tripoli]

No, it's important.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She wasn't £260, I'll tell you that.

[Sam Tripoli]

Was she Latina?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No. I just told you to answer, man. Read between the lines. See where it is. Investigate, Cease your investigations.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Conservative.

[Sam Tripoli]

Asian?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So anyway, was it Asian?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm just. I never. You told. Told the story. So I'm a little bit.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I didn't know there was any lives to rebuild.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Conservative. She listened to praise music all the time. It's kind of catchy. I got to be honest now, look, she was fine with just me. The other girl was floating around and as she came closer, she would lock up even tighter. And I'm like, ah. And then. Then she would float back. And then. And then it was relaxing. And then I was like, finally, hey, just give me a back rope.

[Sam Tripoli]

Did she tighten up on you when you were in her? Cuz that might work.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Work? Dude, I mean, listen, I was done pretty quick.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She froze like a goat.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I mean, I feel bad about it. I'm like, ah. Well, maybe I shouldn't explored this with you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And say 10 Hail Marys and go home.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, you did the right thing every step of the way in that story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wait, did I trick anybody?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You did.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Sick. Sick.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex, where our points at?

[Josh Potter]

All right.

[Alex]

On the scoreboard. In last place with seven points, Luis J. Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, all right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't give a fuck.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm happy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I like being in last place. Feels nice to lose for once.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're on 10,000 grams of THC. Dude, I. Guys, you are floating right now. You are looking like you're in paradise.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Melted.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, there we go.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Send the last one. Louis, say damn. Snagged it. You look. You feel like a chick.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Keep it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dude, don't throw it back.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He doesn't even want it. He just want to show what a girl you throw. Like he was able to snag it in the front.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was just disappointed. Pointed in myself. With what a throw.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

A guy in the very front row was able to snag it gingerly out of the air. Is how light and shallow that throw was.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

In your defense, you're heavily medicated.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's true.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'll tell you right now, sir, you should be rich. These edibles are bananas.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, they're doing a job.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I mean, look at.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

By the way, pretty loose right now.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I Mean, look at the packaging for just one dose. That's pretty nuts.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Look at this one.

[Sam Tripoli]

Bad for the environment, good for your brain, huh?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's a lot of waste. It's a lot of waste. Fucking Spirillo Spinello.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's how plan B comes.

[Josh Potter]

I love it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Lot of packaging for one little magical pill.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dude, I'm sorry. Like, I have taken a lot of edibles. That was even.

[Sam Tripoli]

Dude, you are retarded right now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Holy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Hey, listen, sure, dude, you've taken a lot of edibles before, but have you ever taken 100 milligrams at once, man? This guy's out of his tree, dude.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You gotta do it and repeat. Come on, man. The game is ready to be played. What's the next story?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Dude, I wish the whole audience would have started just laughing at slow motion.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Score. He was the best.

[Alex]

In third place. Did I do. Did I do fourth place?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I forgot you were doing the scores.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Do it in slow motion. Do it in slow motion.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex, keep us on track. It's crazy. Every time we try to do the scores on this show, it's three in.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The morning to me and Lewis.

[Alex]

In fourth place with.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We're on New York Time.

[Alex]

In fourth place, with nine points, Big J Okerson.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Big J.

[Alex]

In third place, with ten points, Mayhem Miller.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh. What? Oh, my God. I was. I was so worried, bro.

[Alex]

In second, second place, with 13 points, Sam Tripoli.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He's an expert.

[Alex]

And in the lead with 16 points, Josh Potter.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Take your bow. Well deserved, bow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You almost fell off the stage.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He threw us off. He could smell the edges.

[Josh Potter]

Thank God. Thank God.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's okay.

[Josh Potter]

I've been doing this my whole life. I get there, I find it. I'm like a Roomba on a stage.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He used whiskers like a cat.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It is still anybody's game.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Except for Louis. Is it?

[Louis J. Gomez]

One more story.

[Josh Potter]

Lewis isn't gonna remember this game.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah. It's not. But you know what? I could play Giant killer.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Sam Tripoli]

What do you believe?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, that felt so good. Thank you, Alex. Story number eight.

[Alex]

Story number eight. I once had a weapon pulled on me by a ghetto lesbian after getting into an altercation with a small group of her ghetto lesbian friends.

[Josh Potter]

I know. I went deep on the Sam Tripoli lore. I went deep on the Sam Tripoli lore last time. But this is Sam Tripoli right here.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wait, he wouldn't use such nice language. Ghetto lesbian friends.

[Sam Tripoli]

I would totally say that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Okay. Okay.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This is what you think is kind speech.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Ghetto lesbian friends. What's each introduce Royalty.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, I feel like there's a lot of, like, ghetto lesbians in Los Angeles.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Buddy. We're in West Hollywood. This is their home turf, bro. The off their gang.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's like five ghetto lesbians that work as door men or.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, whatever you want to. Yeah. I got thrown out of here for calling one of them fluffy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I got. I got patted down by a ghetto lesbian on my way in here. Here.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I thought it was five. I thought it was five Mexican dudes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was three in a trench coat.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Every. Each and every one of them's side part in their hair were sharper than the last.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Triple.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They're so gay, they tuck their. It's not even like tucking your wiener. They still also tuck. Tuck their pussy. So there's a tuck.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They got a switchblade in their Sports Brawl.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Triple. You're confrontational. Sometimes you can be.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, for sure.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Especially against small groups of ghetto lesbians.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's your one thing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Ah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean. I mean, it's not. Potter.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Lewis, if you got approached by a bunch of lesbians, I could even describe.

[Josh Potter]

To you a ghetto lesbian.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What would you say to them? What would you dissuade them from attacking you?

[Louis J. Gomez]

A bunch of ghetto lesbians.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Pardon me, dykes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Hey, homies.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Hey. Out of the way.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Just so you know, God's watching.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He goes, God is good. All the time anyway. And all the time, God is good. That's right, ladies.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're an abomination.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, I could, you know.

[Josh Potter]

Anyone who knows me knows that if it's anything lesbian, I would be jerking off to whatever's going on here.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Louis, I don't know if it's the accent you just have built in, but we always made the joke. But when you say mayhem, you say mayhem every time. I hope people go back. Mayhem.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You can't imagine how many people will write that on my damn stories. Like mayhem right there next to it. May ham, but I am quite a ham.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So is that what you were doing? Were you calling him a mayhem? Because I'll respect the shit out of that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, you're lucky. I'm on 80 million.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Mayhem.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's weird. Stranger drugs.

[Josh Potter]

That's just Easter, baby.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Has yours kicked in?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah. Are we still playing this game? I forgot all about it. I don't even know what we're doing. I'm having an out of body experience right now. Oh, my God.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Spirits are talking to me and they're saying it's Sam Tripoli. Spooky. Ooh, it's so spooky.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I can't tell if Lewis is hiding from me or just. Hi, it's you. I. Oh, it is you. Huh?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Lewis is on four.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Did I finally get to draw you for the correct time? I'm gonna draw you how you look to me right now.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, my God. Is this it? This is your opus. This is your opus right now.

[Josh Potter]

Can I say my opus? I haven't made this miss the stand once.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Now who's gonna suck his dick until he gets bored and calls in your best friend to suck his dick? Josh Potter wants his dick sucked. His dick's getting sucked. Look at yourself in the mirror, ladies. Could be you next.

[Josh Potter]

That's not the moral of that story.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, sorry. I jumped the gun, Sam.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Tripoli is my answer.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't know if he's gonna show it just yet, but so far I know he's drawing you, but you look like a member of the.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Josh Potter]

That looks insane. That looks like. This is Pirates of the Caribbean.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Now you look like. I don't know if you remember.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'd like to thank the sponsors.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Not stinky or Pinky, but you look like Dinky, the ghost from Activision's Pac Man.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I stole Apologies, Nintendo.

[Josh Potter]

That's amazing. I feel like he's gonna be animating for Disney by the time this air.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's fantastic. What if Lewis was a cartoon? Wise turtle.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Say no more.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, no. You did it already.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Shit, you're right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, wise old turtle Lewis.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But I really. I really wish that you would have realized that. That he would have taken requests early in the show.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I know.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I didn't even know I knew how to draw until tonight.

[Sam Tripoli]

Lewis sounds like a printer running out of ink right now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Where the fuck is the cyan? Where's the cyan? I'm just trying to make his trip even weirder.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Is that. Is everybody in? Yes. All right, Alex. Our final story.

[Alex]

Our final story belongs to Louis J. Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

A broken clock is right once a day.

[Josh Potter]

Man.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But I knew.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I still didn't win. Fuck, Alex. No, I didn't win.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I didn't win.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But it's all right. So, yeah, when I used to sell comedy tickets on the street, I was on 34th street, and a bunch of ghetto lesbians walked by, and I was like, hey. Cause I used to sell tickets for this comedy club. I was like, hey, do you guys want to go to a comedy show?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You dudes can use a laugh.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hey, what's up, bro? What's up, buddy?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What are you doing?

[Louis J. Gomez]

And then they were like.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They're like, no.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And I'm like, all right, whatever. They're like, whatever, you motherfucker. I was like, yo, fuck you, you stupid dyke bitch. And then.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And she came over and burped pussy in your face.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And then she was like, fat and short, and she was like a bulldyke. She had, like a fucking, like a crazy, like, short haircut, but like a little. Little mohawk in the middle, like, Kwame. Yeah, dude. And yeah, she. You know. You remember that. Men on the mission. Men on a Mission. You remember the WWE from the wwf. You remember Men on a Mission. I don't know if it was Mo or Mabel, but she had that, like, the big, giant fat one. Shut the up. Security, remove this guy now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And sit him next to me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Aw. Wow. That was actually a sweet thing. Oh, my bad guy. I should have yelled that. I'll go.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. So then, yeah, she. I started yelling at them, and then she pulled the blade on me. And then I was like, okay, I'm not gonna get sliced and beaten by a fucking bunch of lesbians.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, no, no. It's still a girl, dude. A girl with a knife is still like a child without one.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, that's not true, dude. Lesbians are count as, like, seven eighths.

[Josh Potter]

Men, especially a ghetto one.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Black lesbians.

[Josh Potter]

I didn't say black.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I said you just gotta find the rhythm of their arm fat swings. Wait, and if you could time it right, you could sneak through. It's like pitfall or Frogger.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, look, you fought this lesbian to the death or.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, no, I ran. Well, I didn't run, but I backed down.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Was it a kumite?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I. I backed down and I fought. I fought to. Or I lived to see another day.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You just said. You said, I want to say anything or you just ran off.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I just backed down. I was like, yeah, all right, whatever. Lesbians backed away slowly.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, whatever, straight guy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You reeled back on that hate speech real quick, huh?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, next time I'll teach you some moves that I learned from Steven Seagal.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Dude, I would love so much for Mayhem Miller to bully. Beat down lesbians who attacked you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, no, man, listen, I learned a couple of disarms that saved my life. That's why I say Steven Seagal saved my life. Yeah.

[Josh Potter]

Real Hatfields and McCoys.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Alex, what are our final scores?

[Alex]

All right, in last place with nine points, Big J Okerson.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No way.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I flew. I flew so many. Yeah, my weekend before this got canceled.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, man.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I love you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Dude.

[Alex]

Tied for third place with 13 points each, Luis J. Gomez and Sam Tripoli.

[Sam Tripoli]

I'll take it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's a respectable score. Sam.

[Alex]

Second place, scored 14 points. And your winner tonight with 16 points, Josh Potter.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

An amazing performance.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

An amazing Josh Potter.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's all over.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You take home Like a mother. A feminist journey through the science and culture of pregnancy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wait, that's what he's taking home?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's what he's taking home. Absolutely. Everybody, how about it for your newest story warrior, Josh Potter?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Potter killed it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Potter.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Someone's about to get his dick sucked.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

By an ugly girl.

[Josh Potter]

Wisconsin, next weekend. So please come out to that show. Those shows, there's multiple. Please, please.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

How about a big round of applause for our entire panel up here tonight. Sam Tripoli. Mayhem Miller, of course, your newest story warrior, Josh Potter over there. Guys, thanks for hanging out here with story wars with us. I'm Big J Okerson.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm Lewis J. Gomez.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And we'll catch you guys next time. Peace.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

La.