Story Warz Ep. 056 – “Balls”

Featuring: Jamie Kennedy, Katherine Blanford, Craig Conant
Hosts: Big Jay Oakerson, Luis J. Gomez
Date: August 29, 2025
Live from: The Comedy Store, Los Angeles

Episode Overview

This raucous installment of Story Warz takes on the deceptively broad theme "Balls" with an all-star panel of comedians—Jamie Kennedy, Katherine Blanford, and Craig Conant—battling hosts Big Jay and Luis J. in a game of wit, bluffing, and personal anecdotes. Story Warz’ hilarious deception mechanics return as comedians try to outguess and out-lie each other, resulting in wild reveals, running bits about toxic masculinity, and some real insight into comedy camaraderie.

Episode Structure & Format

• Panel: Each comic (and the two hosts) secretly submits 3–5 stories on the episode's theme.
• Gameplay: Producer Alex reads stories aloud. The panel guesses who the author is with the goal to deceive others and correctly guess authorship; points are awarded accordingly.
• Theme: “Balls” (in every possible interpretation)
• Prize: The winner earns a classic from the “Story Warz Library”—this week, A Tale of Two Cities.

Key Moments & Discussion Highlights

[03:18] – The Vibe & Introductions

• Jay: “We love you guys. Now that—That made good sense when you said it yesterday…but now you’re telling this crowd the other shows this week have not been great.”
  Setting the episode’s tone—sardonic, rowdy, and self-aware.

• Jay on the rules: "All five of us…have submitted three to five stories on one particular subject. That subject? Balls."

• Luis: “Be better is what I'm saying.”
  Crowd is hyped—lots of banter about what "balls" even means, and Craig instantly confesses he didn’t read the assignment fully (‘sent in like nine stories…three of them were balls picker and balls related.’)

• Katherine: "That's a hard one for me."
  The group riff on who here really has the “balls” experience; Katherine jokes: “You have the three most unathletic people on this table right now.” (08:02)

[11:15] – Story 1: “I once threw a chair at my boss.”

• Immediate suspicion: Most believe this is Craig (because it doesn't seem to fit the “balls” theme and he didn’t read the assignment), but the subject of violence on the job brings the hosts’ personalities to the fore.
• Katherine: “Would you say throwing a chair at somebody’s kind of a bitch move, you know what I’m saying?” (14:29)
• Jamie: “You saying I’m a country club kid?” (13:51)
• THE REVEAL: It’s Jamie Kennedy’s story! He tells at length how he threw a chair at James Gunn during a comic book film debate in his youth—“Not only did I alienate Marvel, I pissed off DC, too.” (21:03)

[23:38] – Story 2: "I've witnessed firsthand why a man shouldn't attempt to wax his own balls at home."

• Riffing on balls maintenance: Jay, Luis, and Kennedy go into graphic, comedic detail. Jay describes his own failed waxing attempt—“It sounded like a phone book was being ripped, like someone's tearing carpet.” (31:38)
• All guess Katherine—but the story is Jay's!
• Jay reveals: The story concerned his own failed attempt, encouraged by his ex-wife, with “the green wax... you put on, (it) gets hard, and you pull off…” (30:16)
• Quote: “I listened to Pantera and it took me over 30 minutes because every time you pull down…I had a lot of hair. It sounded like a phone book was being ripped.” (31:39)

[33:49] – Story 3: "Big fight with someone I was dating in high school because they went to a debutante ball."

• Immediate consensus: Must be Katherine, due to the Southern connection and the topic.
• Luis: “What’s a debutante ball? Are you a princess?” (34:22)
• But twist: It’s Luis’ story—dating a Ukrainian girl in high school, she ditches him for a countryman at a formal; he’s left fuming (“Now I've been funding Russia ever since.” (42:45))
• Memorable exchange:
  • Katherine: “I bet you weren’t even dating them! …she was like, I don’t know who you are, you’re like, shut the fuck up, bitch. You’re my girl.” (41:24)

[47:14] – Story 4: "I had a roommate put his balls on my shoulder ... then his penis kissed my cheek."

• Roommates & shenanigans: Suspicions fly. Jay, who’s notorious for comedian roommate stories, tells on Joe DeRosa, who “kept calling my name…waiting for me…to turn around and show me his dick…when I turn, his dick kissed me on the cheek, and his fucking pre jizz pulled a string off mozzarella cheese…” (57:16)
• Katherine: “Is that considered sexual assault?” (50:50)
• Revelation: The panel debates cultural context; Luis and others compare levels of “white guy” gayness in comedy houses.

Scores at Halftime

• Jay surges ahead with 7 points, while the others lag but “double points” in the second half makes anything possible.

[68:46] – Story 5: "I snuck into an Olympics opening ceremony disguised as a cleaner."

• Katherine’s stealth: Panel suspects Craig or Jamie, but the detailed knowledge of the Olympics gives a clue.
• Katherine reveals: She interned with an Australian cleaning company at the 2012 London Olympics, donned a cleaner’s uniform, and (half) accidentally bumped into Stephen Hawking in the VIP area while sneaking into the opening ceremony just to see the Spice Girls. (81:11)

[86:50] – Story 6: "At age 7, I crashed an elderly family member's car at the bank."

• Classic “dumb crime” tale:
• Everyone suspects Jamie (“Who says ‘elderly’ but a Kennedy?”) (87:32), but it’s Craig’s story.
• Craig:
  • “I wrote, ‘I crashed my nana's car.’ They wrote it different. I don’t talk like that. She went in (the bank) and left the engine running. I got behind the wheel...I crashed over a little curb into a brick wall.” (92:51)
  • Nana gets in, tells him: “Don’t tell anybody about this.” (93:35)

[96:30] – Story 7: "I once did an impression of a powerful celebrity to his face."

• Unanimous pick: Jamie Kennedy.
• Jamie tells a Red Lobster/Arsenio Hall story:
  • “He’d come in with beautiful women, I’d seat him…one day, I walk him in and do his own ‘give it up!’ intro voice. He just goes to his booth, says nothing.” (104:20)

[108:04] – Story 8: "I threw firecrackers at cops on horseback on July 4th."

• Obvious signature: It’s Craig Conant’s viral youth tale—he was arrested for accidentally targeting police (and a police horse) with fireworks.
  • Craig: “I have four charges…assault on a police officer and assault on a horse officer. The horse’s fine was more expensive than the cop’s!” (110:05)

[112:10] – Overtime Showdown: Katherine vs. Luis

Tie-breaker as both have 16 points. Both wager points ("Jeopardy rules") on the final story.

• Story: “I dropped a bag of cement on my left testicle, causing a hematoma.”
• Panel rolls with the guesses and ball jokes, all agreeing it’s a very ‘Craig’ injury.
• Katherine wins! (by wagering all 16 points and guessing correctly):
  • “Give me the fucking book. Can a bitch get behind…Motherfuckers. Sit down. I haven’t said it yet. I’ve had to take a dump this whole show, and I’m gonna go back there—and while I’m peeing, I’m gonna think about all you motherfuckers who had to rise when I said double points.” (117:00)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On storytelling with violence:

  • Big Jay: “It takes balls to throw a chair.” (14:53)
  • Katherine: “Would you say throwing a chair at somebody’s kind of a bitch move?” (14:29)

• On debutante culture:

  • Luis: “What the fuck is a debutante ball? Are you a princess?” (34:22)

• On male grooming:

  • Jay: “You stretch the bag out…paint the walls…flat surface, then you go under.” (24:37)
  • Jay: "It sounded like a phone book was being ripped, like someone's tearing carpet." (31:39)

• On living with Joe DeRosa:

  • Jay: “When I turn around, his dick kissed me on the cheek, and his fucking pre jizz pulled a string off mozzarella cheese…” (57:16)

• On Olympics infiltration:

  • Katherine: “I heard the Spice Girls were going to pop out.” (81:11)
  • Jay: "We're their Mexicans. You gotta get out there to see the world." (81:16)

• On Craig’s police fireworks arrest:

  • Craig: “The fine on the horse was more expensive than the police human officer.” (110:05)

• On ‘Story Warz’ camaraderie:

  • Jay: “They just see me sad here every week, watch my friend break my heart with lying to my face over and over again, and I believe you every time. And they watch it happen. It's like a soap opera. They can't stop.” (63:24)

Important Timestamps

• [03:18] — Show and theme intros; rules explained.
• [11:15] — 1st story and first big reveal (Chair-throwing: Kennedy)
• [23:38] — Story 2: Ball waxing disaster (Jay's story)
• [33:49] — Story 3: Debutante ball (Luis’ tale)
• [47:14] — Story 4: The roomie’s “wet” prank (Jay & DeRosa)
• [68:46/81:11] — Story 5: Katherine’s Olympics escapade
• [86:50] — Story 6: Craig’s Nana’s car disaster
• [96:30] — Story 7: Jamie does Arsenio to Arsenio (Red Lobster)
• [108:04] — Story 8: Craig’s viral firecracker cop story
• [112:10] — Overtime standoff; Katherine wins

Final Thoughts / Episode Tone

Story Warz 056 is a riotous glimpse into background stories of stand-ups at their raw, unvarnished best. The panel riffs mercilessly on each other, exposing both embarrassing and hilarious life moments, all filtered through the “balls” lens. With trademark Story Warz twists, running gags, and crowd interplay, the episode transforms personal cringe into communal comedy. Newcomers learn just how brilliant and absurd the format can be, while regulars get exactly what they came for: ball jokes, honest reveals, and no small amount of self-deprecation. Katherine Blanford goes from seeming underdog to triumphant “Story Warrior,” capping an episode where metaphorical and literal balls are in constant play.

Winner: Katherine Blanford (“Give me the fucking book. Can a bitch get behind…”) (116:44)

If you missed it, this episode is a must-listen for fans of stand-up and subversive storytelling.