Story Warz Ep. 058: Ryan Long, Monroe Martin & Scott Chaplain | Loss

Date: September 12, 2025
Hosts: Big Jay Oakerson & Luis J. Gomez
Guests: Ryan Long, Monroe Martin, Scott Chaplain
Location: LIVE from The Stand Comedy Club, NYC

Episode Overview

This episode of Story Warz revolves around the theme of "Loss," with hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez joined by comedians Ryan Long, Monroe Martin, and Scott Chaplin. The group competes in a raucous, storytelling-based game where deception and deduction are key. Each participant submitted secret stories about loss, and the panel tries to guess the author of each tale. The episode is filled with hilarious banter, wild life stories, jokes about trauma and masculinity, and the dark humor typical of the Story Warz show.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Meet the Panel & Game Explanation

• Panel Introduction & Vibe (03:12–06:33)

  • Ryan Long returns for his third appearance, aiming for his first win (“No, I did the opposite of win both times.” – Ryan, 05:04).
  • Scott Chaplin and Monroe Martin both make their debut. Monroe’s foster care background and “rolling 88 Crip” jokes set an irreverent tone.
  • The panel instantly begins riffing on each other’s misfortunes and the stereotypes attached to them.

• How the Game Works (06:39–07:44)

  • Each comedian submitted 3–5 personal (or fabricated) stories about loss.
  • Stories are read anonymously. The group guesses the storyteller; points awarded for correct guesses and successful deception.
  • The winner receives the satirical book, How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety.

2. Round One: "Where’s My Car?"

• Story: Someone reports their car stolen but realizes four days later it was just parked, only to have it actually stolen soon after.
• Panel Analysis:
  • Jay, Lewis, and Scott speculate wildly whether it’s a Louis-style tale or if Scott is “dippy enough to forget.”
  • Ryan reveals the story is his, after the panel is convinced it’s Scott (16:03).
  • Highlight: “When I went to get my car, they had a bag—just one Limp Bizkit CD. And it wasn’t my CD!” (Ryan, 16:13)
  • Result: Ryan fools everyone and scores the max, taking the early lead.

3. Round Two: "Missing Phone Meltdown"

• Story: Someone misplaces their phone at home and gets so anxious, they suspect friends of stealing it.
• Panel Banter:
  • Anxiety over phones, cheating paranoia, and private photos are all discussed.
  • Jay admits the story is his and recounts spiraling into panic at home, snapping at friends over a lost phone (25:25).
  • Memorable Quote: “As soon as I found my phone, I collapsed on the couch—those two guys didn’t have to ask what was wrong.” (Jay, 25:57)

4. Round Three: "Jumped by Family in the Suburbs"

• Story: In a new neighborhood, someone is jumped by family late at night.
• Panel Banter:
  • Monroe’s foster care past is hotly debated; Jay and Lewis joke that this is his “origin story.”
  • Monroe reveals it happened when a foster family jumped him after he damaged their above-ground pool (32:35).
  • Highlight: “I thought the coast was clear…but they pulled up in a minivan and got me.” (Monroe, 33:01)

5. Round Four: "Tourette’s Excuse at the Post Office"

• Story: Someone loses their temper at the post office, claims to have Tourette’s to get empathy.
• Panel Guessing:
  • The hosts think it’s too much of a cop-out to be Lewis, as “he’d want the lady to know it was her fault.”
  • But it WAS Lewis, and he reveals he deployed the excuse that very day to avoid a confrontation (41:52).
  • Quote: “I got so angry, I started twitching and f***ing shaking…I actually have Tourette’s.” (Lewis, 43:35)
  • Big Jay’s recurring joke: “If it’s Lewis, I’ll kill myself on stage!” (40:54)

6. Scores & Second Half Rules Reveal

• Midpoint Standings (45:07):
  1. Lewis: 7 points
  2. Ryan/Scott: 6 points
  3. Jay: 4 points
  4. Monroe: 0 points (poised for a record low…)
• Double Points for the final four stories—anyone can catch up (50:17).

7. Round Five: "Don’t Call Things at the Funeral Gay"

• Story: A kid is warned at a funeral not to use the word “gay,” after learning of a relative’s sexuality.
• Panel Debates:
  • Jay and Lewis joke about Scott’s “cop family,” predicting it’s his story.
  • Scott nervously confirms, recounting being warned after overusing “gay” the night before a funeral, and realizing half his family was closeted (59:30).
  • Memorable Line: “Dad, tell Scott who’s gay in the family…” (Scott, 60:42)

8. Round Six: "Nuts Smashed While Dancing"

• Story: During a wild dance, someone’s testicles get smashed, leading to fertility issues.
• Panel Discussion:
  • Speculation over who’s both “vulnerable to nut trauma” and attentive enough to visit a doctor.
  • Monroe owns up—at 21, at a Philly dancehall, a skinny girl’s gyrations left him bruised and with medical issues (69:31).
  • Quote: “She was dancing with me and was smashing my balls to the point where they were swollen…caused varicocele…had to get surgery.” (Monroe, 71:04)

9. Round Seven: "The Glass Eye Heirloom"

• Story: Someone inherits a glass eye after a family member loses an eye in a shooting accident.
• Panel Reactions:
  • Jay and Lewis initially guess Ryan (“sounds Canadian”), but it's Scott again.
  • Scott floors the room by showing the actual glass eye on camera (80:06).
  • Highlight: “It’s a little bloodshot too—so it’s definitely related.” (Scott, 80:33)

10. FINAL ROUND: "Racing My Friend’s Dad—Never Winning"

• Story: As a kid, someone is repeatedly challenged by a friend's dad to races and never allowed to win.
• Speculation:
  • Heavy debate between Jay and Monroe as prime suspects, but the tale fits Ryan’s “trauma via adults” motif.
  • Ryan confirms it was him—the friend’s dad, a coked-up ex-con, forced kids to race and always celebrated his wins (89:24).
  • Highlight: “Turns out he was, like, a crazy cokehead—he was just on coke the entire time forcing 8-year-olds to race.” (Ryan, 89:41)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Jay’s lost phone anxiety: “I was flipping cushions, searching holes… as soon as I found my phone, I collapsed on the couch in relief.” (Jay, 25:57)
• On Monroe’s family attack: “I thought the coast was clear…But then they pulled up in the minivan and got me.” (Monroe, 33:13)
• On Lewis lying about Tourette’s: “She was like, nah honey, I ain’t the one. And I was like, I actually have Tourette’s—it’s an affliction.” (Lewis, 43:35)
• On Scott’s “gay at the funeral” warning: “My sisters were like, Dad, tell Scott who’s gay in the family!” (Scott, 60:42)
• On Scott’s glass eye keepsake: “It’s a little bloodshot too—so it’s definitely related.” (Scott, 80:33)
• On Ryan’s cokehead racing nemesis: “He was just on coke the entire time…forcing 8-year-olds to race.” (Ryan, 89:41)

Timestamps for Major Segments

| Time | Segment / Story | |--------------|--------------------------------------| | 03:12–07:44 | Panel intro & game rules | | 09:22–16:27 | Story 1: Forgotten/Stolen Car (Ryan) | | 19:43–25:57 | Story 2: Missing Phone Panic (Jay) | | 27:33–33:15 | Story 3: Jumped by Family (Monroe) | | 36:40–43:47 | Story 4: Tourette’s at Post Office (Lewis) | | 51:01–60:25 | Story 5: Don’t Call the Funeral Gay (Scott)| | 64:31–71:19 | Story 6: Smashed Nuts Dance (Monroe) | | 73:27–80:49 | Story 7: The Glass Eye (Scott) | | 83:04–89:50 | Story 8: Race with Friend’s Dad (Ryan) | | 90:32–93:37 | Final Scores & Story Warrior Induction |

Final Scores & Winner

• Winner: RYAN LONG (26 points – near all-time high; “Started from the bottom, now we’re here!” 92:44)
• Runner up: Lewis J. Gomez (19 points)
• 3rd Place: Scott Chaplin (16 points)
• 4th Place: Big Jay Oakerson (8 points)
• Last Place / New Show Record: Monroe Martin (2 points—nearly a perfect zero, only saved by Jay’s inattention!)

Episode Tone & Style

True to Story Warz, this episode is a riotous blend of dark humor, self-deprecating trauma stories, competitive trash-talk, and the unique camaraderie of New York comedians. The show delivers raw, hilarious moments and relentless ball-busting that veers into surprisingly heartfelt or vulnerable territory—before instantly pivoting back into relentless joshing.

Standout Episode Moments

1. Scott’s live reveal of a real family glass eye. (80:06)
2. Lewis’s in-the-moment confession about lying for empathy at the post office. (41:52)
3. Ryan’s tale of never beating a coked-out adult in a childhood race, highlighting his underdog arc. (89:41)
4. Jay’s detailed embarrassment over losing and misplacing his phone in front of friends. (25:57)
5. Monroe’s many “origin stories,” including being jumped by family and taking a literal physical loss on the dance floor. (33:13, 71:04)

Conclusion

Story Warz 058 is a wild, joke-packed ride brimming with stories of loss—some minor, some life-changing, all made hilarious by the chemistry and dark wit of the panel. Ryan Long finally secures a win, Scott Chaplin reveals new depths of family weirdness, Monroe Martin sets a record low, and everyone leaves their dignity at the door. If you want raw comedy, fierce competition, and a glimpse into the world of comics who love to roast each other and themselves, this is Story Warz at its best.