063. Jeff Dye, Sarah Tollemache, Na'im Ali | Stupidity

Summary

Story Warz – Episode 063: "Stupidity"

Guests: Jeff Dye, Sarah Tollemache, Naim Ali

Date: October 17, 2025
Host: GaS Digital Network (Big Jay Oakerson & Lewis J. Gomez)
Recorded live at The Stand Comedy Club, NYC

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Episode Overview

This hilarious episode of Story Warz revolves around the theme of “Stupidity.” Comedians Big Jay Oakerson and Lewis J. Gomez face off with their guest panel—Sarah Tollemache, Naim Ali, and Jeff Dye—in the ultimate improv storytelling game. Each contestant sneaks a personal (or completely made-up) embarrassing story past the panel, hoping to fool everyone else and rack up points. Tonight’s episodes are loaded with car accidents, racial chat room mishaps, dumb mistakes, and the return of Story Warz’ most victorious guest.

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Key Discussion Points & Story Highlights

Game Format & Stakes

• Rules Recap (06:11):

  • Each panelist submits three to five stories on the theme (Stupidity for tonight).
  • Alex (the producer) selects eight stories, displays them anonymously.
  • For each round, guessers try to suss out the storyteller; writers play defense.
  • Points for correct guesses and fooling others.
  • Prize: Tonight’s champion wins a copy of "Conversations with a Pedophile" by Dr. Amy Zabin, lampooned for its bizarre and dark subject matter.

• Atmosphere:

  • Packed NYC room, raucous energy, lots of ad-libs and crowd interaction.
  • Comedic chemistry between regulars and newcomers creates a roast-like, ultra-candid vibe.

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Round-by-Round Breakdown

1. Trading Nudes for Car Repairs

Story: Used dirty pictures of a girl to pay for car repairs; the mechanic spilled the secret.

• Panel’s Reaction: Immediate elimination of Sarah as culprit, joking about nudes and legality.
• Memorable Banter:
  • “Ladies, never give us nudes. We show them to all our friends.”
    — Jeff Dye (09:33)
  • “Jeff Dye, probably has a lot of dirty pictures... way higher numbers than your little pedophile book.”
    — Jay & Lewis (09:45)
• Reveal: Big Jay Okerson was the culprit.
• Anecdote: Jay details 1990s-era photo debauchery: “I was 19... this is before cell phone pictures. This is photographs.” (15:55)
  • Hilarious fallout: threatening calls from the girl’s boyfriend and panic-stricken evidence destruction.
• Timestamp: [08:40–21:00]

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2. Stealing the Family Car—Twice in a Row

Story: Stole brother’s car two nights in a row after being caught and grounded the first time.

• Panel: Assumptions and teasing about which cultures/ethnicities even get "grounded."
• Memorable Banter:
  • “I ain't never been grounded a day in my life.”
    — Naim Ali (26:21)
  • Sarah jokes about African origins: “We rode zebras.”
    — Sarah (26:06)
• Reveal: Sarah Tollemache.
  • Story: Used to push brother’s car down the driveway to sneak out to Denny’s for cigarettes. Was rewarded with the nickname "Knight Rider."
• Timestamp: [23:18–30:07]

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3. Hit & Run, Bankruptcy Follows

Story: Hit a car while uninsured, fled, but got caught and had to file for bankruptcy.

• Panel: Assumptions about who would know how to file bankruptcy, white trash stereotypes, admitting to being “a piece of shit.”
• Memorable Banter:
  • “Don’t let my face and clothes and stupid hair deceive you. I come from a long line of white trash.”
    — Jeff Dye (35:05)
  • “Whoever this is, ruin their life over a car accident!”
    — Lewis (31:37)
• Reveal: Jeff Dye; describes panicking and leaving the scene, later caught due to evidence and witnesses.
• Timestamp: [31:13–36:29]

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4. Racial Slur in AOL Chat Room

Story: Got suspended for calling a biracial girl a racial slur in an AOL chat room, with teachers and classmates present.

• Panel: Roasting about who would use AOL, what slur it could be, and racial wordplay.
• Memorable Banter:
  • “I don’t do that. I’m a nice guy… until you get pushed over the edge by some… dirty sand N-word.”
    — Big Jay, roasting Naim (41:38)
  • “Women get all the breaks!”
    — Jay, on why the girl didn’t get in trouble (45:19)
• Reveal: Naim Ali; story involved being provoked and firing back, leading to suspension.
• Timestamp: [40:07–45:25]

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5. Frozen Tires or Black Ice?

Story: Mistook black ice for frozen tires, was corrected by his 7-year-old son.

• Panel: Universal pile-on that this is the dumbest story yet, lots of mockery.
• Memorable Banter:
  • “Whoever this is, is the stupidest fucking person on this panel.”
    — Jay (56:02)
  • “He tells that story to every adult he meets, and he goes, ‘I'll tell you the moment I realized I was smarter than my dad.’”
    — Lewis J. Gomez, on being one-upped by his son (60:18)
• Reveal: Lewis J. Gomez.
• Timestamp: [54:33–60:29]

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6. Walkie-Talkies...Underwater

Story: Used new walkie-talkies underwater at a friend's suggestion. Immediate destruction.

• Panel: Stereotypes about gifts for boys/girls, black kids not getting walkie-talkies, and immigrant upbringings.
• Memorable Banter:
  • “Girls don’t get walkie-talkies either.”
    — Lewis (64:13)
  • “That’s very African, bro.”
    — Jay/Naim, referencing Sarah’s South African background (64:48)
• Reveal: Sarah Tollemache; a neighborhood frenemy set her up to ruin her new birthday gift.
• Timestamp: [62:49–67:16]

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7. Misgendered (and in Tears) at the Carnival

Story: Tried to impress family at a carnival; girls misgendered him, leading to tears on a ride.

• Panel: Hypothesizing about chubby boys, childhood trauma, Jay’s love of carnivals, and general meanness.
• Memorable Banter:
  • “You probably had cotton candy in your face... they couldn’t see anything but the top of your head.”
    — Lewis J. Gomez (70:40)
  • “Excuse me? ... are you a boy or a girl?”
    — Big Jay, reliving the memory (74:31)
• Reveal: Big Jay Okerson, sharing a childhood wound and how it embarrassed him in front of his stepbrothers.
• Timestamp: [69:35–76:36]

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8. Cat vs. Baby: Grandma’s Superstition

Story: Grandmother threw a cat against the wall because it was in the crib with the storyteller as a baby—afraid cats would “take a baby’s breath away.”

• Panel: Deep dive into “grandma” nomenclature across cultures, discussions of cat superstitions, and more black family stereotypes.
• Memorable Banter:
  • “How you got a grandma? Grow the fuck up, you grown as fuck.”
    — Naim Ali (81:55)
  • “She literally grabbed the cat by the tail and like slammed against the wall. Cat was not okay… She kept defending herself like ‘it takes a baby’s breath away!’”
    — Jeff Dye (84:04)
• Reveal: Jeff Dye; told as a family legend about his wild grandmother.
• Timestamp: [79:11–84:38]

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Notable Quotes

• “If you sent nudes to me, I’d be trading them for goods and services. House cleaning, a dreamcatcher...”
  — Big Jay Okerson (10:43)

• “I come from a long line of white trash. A rapscallion of sorts.”
  — Jeff Dye (35:05, 35:17)

• “This person is an idiot. Whoever this is, whoever this is, is the stupidest fucking person on this panel.”
  — Naim Ali, then echoed by Big Jay (56:02, 56:08)

• “She gave me the nickname Knight Rider... had to get to Denny’s to smoke cigarettes, it had to be done.”
  — Sarah Tollemache (29:23, 29:28)

• “Women get all the breaks.”
  — Big Jay Okerson on who got suspended (45:19)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------------------------------|--------------| | Game rules and intros | 02:47–07:13 | | Round 1: Trading nudes for car repairs (Big Jay) | 08:40–21:00 | | Round 2: Stole family car twice (Sarah) | 23:18–30:07 | | Round 3: Hit & run bankruptcy (Jeff Dye) | 31:13–36:29 | | Round 4: Racial slur suspension (Naim Ali) | 40:07–45:25 | | Mid-show banter and sponsor reads | 21:18, 38:51 | | Round 5: Frozen tires (Lewis J. Gomez) | 54:33–60:29 | | Round 6: Walkie talkies underwater (Sarah) | 62:49–67:16 | | Round 7: Misgendered at carnival (Big Jay) | 69:35–76:36 | | Round 8: Grandma throws cat (Jeff Dye) | 79:11–84:38 | | Final scores, champion crowned, plugs | 84:38–86:21 |

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Final Outcomes

• Winner: Sarah Tollemache – now the two-time champion and “winningest guest” in Story Warz history.
  • “Give it to me. I must learn the ways [of the pedophile book].”
    — Sarah Tollemache (69:18)
• Runner-ups: Big J, Naim Ali, Jeff Dye, and Lewis J. Gomez (final order: see scores below).
• Notable: Sarah’s strategic play, quick wit, and increasingly confident (and mischievous) gameplay earned admiration and solidified her rep as a fan favorite.

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Final Scores

| Place | Name | Points | |----------|-------------------|--------| | 1st | Sarah Tollemache | 22 | | 2nd | Big Jay Okerson | 16 | | 3rd | Naim Ali | 15 | | 4th | Jeff Dye | 14 | | 5th | Lewis J. Gomez | 8 |

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Tone & Takeaways

• Raucous, unfiltered, and comically mean-spirited—guests spare no one (least of all themselves).
• The stories blend stupidity with relatability, with plenty of self-deprecation.
• Sarah’s dry wit and willingness to own ridiculous childhood mistakes give her the edge.
• Great chemistry among the panel, punctuated by recurring live audience energy and a running in-joke about competing for a “pedophile book.”

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Standout Moments

• Jay’s 90s photo-for-auto-parts caper with panicked photo disposal.
• Lewis’s son realizing—at age seven—that he’s already smarter than his dad.
• Naim’s childhood AOL racial slur debacle: “Shut up, you ___.”
• Jeff’s white trash family lore: from uninsured hit-and-runs to a grandma who attacks cats and children at the dinner table.
• Sarah’s “Knight Rider” car theft, and falling for the infamous underwater walkie-talkie trick.

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Anyone who missed this episode but loves cringe, confessions, and competitive comedy need look no further.

Transcript

[Jeff Dye]

I'm right about a lot of things.

[Naim Ali]

That people have zero clue that they.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Even know is going on.

[Jeff Dye]

Oh.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

HBO Max presents a new comedy series, the Chair Company.

[Sarah Tolomach]

You've been distracted, Ron. I feel like you're hiding something.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

There's so much badness in this world.

[Jeff Dye]

From the creators of I Think youk Should Leave. People are Nuts out There.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Starring Tim Robinson.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God. You're disgusting.

[Jeff Dye]

These are my work clothes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The HBO original series the Chair Company premieres this Sunday at 10pm on HBO Max. Skank Fest New Orleans is happening November 14th through 16th. Get your tickets right now. There's only individual day passes left. All access is sold out. VIP is sold out. It is the largest lineup we've ever had. Favorites like Tim Dillon, Shane Gillis, Nick Mullen, Joe List, Robert Kelly, Sam Hyde, obviously the Legion of Skanks, and many, many more. Over 150 comedians, six stages, three full days of comedy, fighting, music, and everything else you love about Skank fest. Go to skankfest.com right now and grab your single day passes. Hey, Story Warriors. Before we start the show, I want to let you know that we have some brand new [e-mail] the website's up and running and everything is in stock, including the logo shirt, the Story warriors shirt, and of course, our very, very popular double point shirt.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

We got some more hoodies coming soon to get ready for the fall. Do not forget, we're doing a special meet and greet at Skank Fest exclusively for fans who come in their official merch. So do not delay. Head on over to story wars merch.com to get your gear and rep the show you love.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What's going on, Story Warriors? If you love Story wars and you want to be a part of the live audience, come out to the New York Comedy Club every Wednesday night at 7:45pm to be a part of the show.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't be a piece of. Just get your tickets and come. It's fun.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Race New York Comedy club dot com.

[Naim Ali]

Fill her up. You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Story wars with the Story Warriors, Big J, Oyon and Lewis J.

[Big J Okerson]

Go. Oh, that is very, very good energy. What is up? Make some noise in this room for you, will you? New York City. Make some goddamn noise in here. Welcome. Welcome to Story wars, everyone. America's favorite new game show. We are packed here. Sold out.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oversold.

[Big J Okerson]

Oversold.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We don't need Tony Henchliffe. Oversold.

[Big J Okerson]

Tony Hcliffe has nothing to do with this. You got to get that of your head, dude.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He said that one time and it really pissed me off.

[Big J Okerson]

It really stayed in your fucking ass. We are gonna have a fantastic show tonight here. We always ask every week how many people here are familiar with the show Story Wars?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Okay, okay. How many people are not familiar with the show Story Wars? Everyone get him. Come on. Right in the front row, sir. How ballsy are you? You know how excited these people in the back would be to be this close to the Story Warriors.

[Big J Okerson]

I do love when they boo new people. It's the most unwelcoming fan base ever. Hey, I'm new. I thought it' be really fun to check out you. It's a very, very simple game, Story wars and a lot of fun. We will explain the game once we get our panel up here.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Say, Louis, bring up our first contestant.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Our very first contestant today, returning Story wars competitor. You might know her from her special Butthole Money on YouTube. Clap it up. A slider cat for Sarah Tolo.

[Big J Okerson]

Hi, Sarah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Happy to have you back on the show, Sarah. Last time you killed it. You did not win, but you're coming back to defend that loss.

[Sarah Tolomach]

No, I won.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Never mind. You won. I apologize. I don't remember.

[Big J Okerson]

Why is that not on our sheet?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Guys, do me a favor moving forward, make sure we know who the Story warriors are. We have a returning story warrior edit in Saratoge. Thank you. How embarrassing for me.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, you. You're. You're back to. You're back to defend it. Defend your title.

[Sarah Tolomach]

Yeah, I love it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I couldn't think of that word.

[Sarah Tolomach]

I appreciate it.

[Big J Okerson]

You're falling to pieces, man.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Tony Hinchcliffe is in my head.

[Big J Okerson]

Rent free, dog. Rent free. Our second contestant from the True Debt podcast right here on Gas Digital and the Do Rag and the Deer Tag podcast. How about it for the hilarious Naim Ali in the house? Make some noise for Naim Al.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

What up?

[Naim Ali]

What up, Ali?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Naim Ali is a returning story warrior. He won last time he was here.

[Naim Ali]

No, I didn't.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Ah, damn it.

[Naim Ali]

God damn it. I think. I think I lost more than by more points than anybody else in the history of the game.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm getting everyone confused today. I very often get Sarah and Naim confused in my daily life.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, the right light.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Good, Louis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And our last competitor, he's got an amazing podcast called last cowboy in LA on YouTube. He's got a great podcast called Die Hard, available anywhere you guys find podcasts. Clap it up for Jeff. Die first time competitor On Story Wars. Jeff, happy to have you here, my friend.

[Jeff Dye]

I've been on and I've won before. No, no, first time. I'm very excited, Very cool, very excited to have you here to defend my title.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Okay, we're gonna have a lot of fun today. Jay, why don't you explain the rules to both the audience and our competitors.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, for the people listening at home for the first time, the new people here, it is a very simple game. Everybody on this panel, including Lewis and I, have submitted three to five stories on one particular subject. Tonight's subject, stupidity. O. Our lovely producer Alex is going to take eight of those stories and put them down one at a time on this screen. If it is your story, you're the only person who knows that it is your job to say it is not your story and fool other people. If it is not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And every story you guess correctly, you get two points. And every person you fool on the panel, you get one point. So if it's your story, you have an opportunity to get up to four points on that round. So it's a very important round, and it's a lot of fun. Once you write your answer on the dry erase board. You put the dry erase board in this little slot right here. Remove your hand. That is it. You can't change your answer. That's it. And I'll tell you right now, we're playing for fun. This is the most fun game show you'll ever be a part of, maybe the most fun podcast you'll ever be a part of. But we don't just play for fun. Jay, let them know what we're playing for today.

[Big J Okerson]

Every week here on Story Awards, we're playing for a book from the Story wars library. Tonight's winner takes home Conversations with a pedophile in the interest of Our Children by Dr. Amy Zabin. Conversations with a pedophile ask the hardest questions. How does the mind of a pedophile work?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Uh oh, we found a pedophile. He's like, I'm out of here. I'm fucking out of here, man.

[Big J Okerson]

They're on to me. How does the mind of a pedophile work? And how do they lure children into their web? As a prison therapist, Dr. Zabin had direct access to Alan. Not his real name. A convicted sex offender. A convicted sex offender who admitted to abusing more than a thousand boys.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

A thousand boys. He may be the best pedophile ever.

[Big J Okerson]

I know.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Or the worst, depending on how you Define numbers.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, prolific for sure. No doubt his uncensored confessions reveal the chilling truth of how predators operate. Conversations with a pedophile in the interest of our children. Big, big book. I think everybody's got it. Who's going to get it? That is the book that is up for grabs, I think. Without any further ado, Alex, Story number one.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number one. I once used dirty pictures of a girl as payment for a service with one rule. Do not let her know. You saw these. The guy I showed them to got drunk that night and told her. She wasn't happy.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, not Sarah, I guess.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, process of elimination. We're gonna just hit down the Sarah head right there.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, Sarah's won before. It also could be a great throw off.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I mean, look, I will say that that's a very smart play. If it is Sarah. It could be Sarah.

[Sarah Tolomach]

Well, I have been poor. I needed money, so it could be.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you have dirty pictures of some girl on your phone?

[Sarah Tolomach]

Just Google images to find dad.

[Big J Okerson]

This is my friend.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Yeah.

[Sarah Tolomach]

This is her pussy. I'm pretty sure.

[Big J Okerson]

Pretty sure that's Jenna Jameson. Oh, you know her? That's good.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, I will tell you right now, as I'm looking at this panel right now, I'm looking over at Jeff Dye, who's a handsome devil. Probably has lots of dirty pictures of girls in his phone.

[Jeff Dye]

Way higher numbers than your little pedophile book.

[Big J Okerson]

That's a thousand boys.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's. But I'll tell you what. I mean. Jeff, Jeff. And look, he's a very nice guy, but I will say that if I wanted to, if I know Jeff pretty well, I could get Jeff to show me some naked girls in his phone right now.

[Jeff Dye]

I didn't know we could use them for services in exchange. I'm learning things like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, and we've all done that. I think it's a crime now, but I'll admit, I think the statute of limitations has expired on that.

[Naim Ali]

We've all.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Ladies never give us nudes. We show them to all of our friends.

[Jeff Dye]

No, no, that's seven years ago. Hey, shut the up. Yeah, you can trust all men. Believe all men.

[Big J Okerson]

If you sent. If you send them to me, I would be trading them for goods and services. House cleaning.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What type of goods and services? Like, Like. Like American Indian goods. Like a dreamcatcher. And some old. Some.

[Big J Okerson]

Some old furs, some. Some antique nickels.

[Jeff Dye]

This is a very comedy one. I feel like, you know, I would.

[Naim Ali]

Never do no shit like that. Y' all know it's not Me, I'm two player. You see what I'm saying? I'm not doing that. I'm not gonna ruin it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we are.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I mean, that was crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We weren't even coming at you like that for no reason. He just started going, it's not me. I swear to God.

[Big J Okerson]

I felt the heat.

[Naim Ali]

Y'.

[Jeff Dye]

All.

[Big J Okerson]

Y'. All.

[Naim Ali]

Y' all was staring at me. I felt the heat. I'm like, no, no.

[Jeff Dye]

I was mixed sentence. He's like, it wasn't me. So, you know, wild.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, that really made me think it was you. I wasn't even looking in your direction.

[Naim Ali]

No, it wasn't me. I would never do that.

[Jeff Dye]

Never.

[Big J Okerson]

You said you would never fake your own suicide to make a girl upset. And you looked me right in the face and then you were lying to me.

[Naim Ali]

That might have happened, but I would never do this. Everybody, everybody faked a suicide before. Nobody ever did this.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I'll be honest with you. More people I think did. Than you think. I thought it was gonna be like, what? But everyone's like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We'Ve been there.

[Big J Okerson]

Sometimes you gotta get somebody back at all costs, man.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay, look, this also could be you. You and I have been friends for over 20 years. I mean, we've been known to share some.

[Big J Okerson]

Yo, I would never do no shit like this. You coming at me all fun.

[Jeff Dye]

Nah.

[Big J Okerson]

Lose my pimp card doing this shit.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, yeah, we gotta get some first services.

[Sarah Tolomach]

Yeah, for a service. Like a.

[Jeff Dye]

What was the service you traded them for?

[Naim Ali]

No, it wasn't me. It wasn't me. You know what?

[Big J Okerson]

It was Lewis.

[Naim Ali]

I know it was Lewis. Lewis is a good businessman. He did it. He'll figure out a way to trade pictures for services.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I will say that there without a doubt. That does sound like a savvy business move. Like some real Steve Jobs. That's my main experience.

[Big J Okerson]

You can Lewis to admit it when you hit him with compliments like, dude, this sounds like a genius. What kind of a genius would pull something like this?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, this could be anybody except for Sarah. Really?

[Big J Okerson]

We're gonna feel dumb if it's Sarah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, if it's Sarah. And Sarah just cleans up.

[Naim Ali]

You know what it is Sarah. And I think it's air.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, the fact that Alex even left it in without changing anything makes me go that. I feel like Alex is kind of playing this game right now and she's trying to trick us. I think this could be Sarah.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, it's Sarah.

[Big J Okerson]

The two people I thought.

[Naim Ali]

Sarah, it is you. In case you didn't know it's you, Sarah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

His. His name is Naim.

[Sarah Tolomach]

How do you spell Naim?

[Big J Okerson]

This is probably easier to spell. This guy.

[Naim Ali]

This guy. Yo, don't fall for it. Don't think it's me. Don't fall for it.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, we.

[Sarah Tolomach]

I'm not saying it's you, but how do you spell your name?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

How many apostrophes are in your name? One.

[Naim Ali]

There's only one. There's only one. There's only one. You had one apostrophe.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, there's a couple. If you use the full name that ends in the word Mutombo.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Naim's got an umlaut, an apostrophe, a semicolon.

[Sarah Tolomach]

It's S, A, R. I'm going with my own spelling.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Ooh. No, that's right. You got it.

[Sarah Tolomach]

Thank you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sarah votes for me.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I think, you know, Naim starts with an N at least.

[Sarah Tolomach]

Yeah, I do know that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Easy, Jay. It's story wars. What the was that?

[Naim Ali]

It all starts with an S. That's right. That's perfect. Very good.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna go with my first instinct. I'm going, Jeff Dye. Do or die, Jeff. Die. Let's go.

[Big J Okerson]

That makes me think, Lewis, please, make.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The mistake, lose your points.

[Big J Okerson]

You never say, great job. When I guess you. You never go, oh, that's good, dude.

[Naim Ali]

There probably is Louis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jeff Dye]

Let's know each other real.

[Big J Okerson]

We do.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We've been playing. We played. This is our 60 something something episode. And Jay is terrible at the game. He's only won. He's only won six times. I've won, like, 25 times. All right.

[Jeff Dye]

I'll stick with my brand and go with the black guy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Beautiful.

[Naim Ali]

How wrong you are.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I. I will say, for the first time ever, I mean, our panel has the nicest handwriting I've ever seen. Usually our panels all over the place. They're all fucking sloppy. It's beautiful.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All of our answers are in Alex.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Holy. Everybody.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, no. Holy shit.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

She said number one belongs to Big.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I knew it was you. Yo, that's crazy.

[Jeff Dye]

What was the service?

[Sarah Tolomach]

Yeah, what was the service?

[Naim Ali]

Damn it.

[Jeff Dye]

How much are these nudes worth? What did you get out of it?

[Big J Okerson]

So.

[Jeff Dye]

You rat.

[Sarah Tolomach]

Also, isn't that a legal distribution of pornography?

[Jeff Dye]

Completely.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I was pretty young.

[Jeff Dye]

I'm sorry.

[Naim Ali]

See, I told you it wasn't me.

[Big J Okerson]

I was 19. This is so. This is before cell phone pictures. This is photographs.

[Jeff Dye]

You developed them.

[Big J Okerson]

There was a girl, a friend of mine, who was so hot, never fucking Me, though, for sure. And. But she let me. What? She goes, hey, I want to send pictures in to Playboy. I want to be in Playboy. So she goes, can you. She goes, I trust you to take the pictures for me. Dumb. She goes, can you bring over, like, some Playboy magazines or something so I can kind of know what the poses are? So I go, sure. And I brought over. What I do is I. Instead of bringing over the full magazines, I cut out some pictures from Playboys, but then cut out some other pictures from, like, not like guy girl porn, but yeah, definitely, like, you know, a little more like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She's like, that's what Playboy does. Like. Yes.

[Jeff Dye]

They show butthole in Playboy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, it's so weird. She's. She's fucking the photographer in this Playboy.

[Big J Okerson]

So I brought them over and. With a disposable camera, you know, took over pictures. Then I went to the. Whatever, the Rite Aid, to get them developed. There was an old man who worked there. And I go, okay, man, here's what I want. Make copies of these. No, but only put that. You have a single print on each thing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think that's the third crime in the story, probably.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, yeah, with the.

[Big J Okerson]

For sure. And then. So he did that for me.

[Jeff Dye]

That guy's a good guy. Can we admit that? That guy's a good guy, you know?

[Big J Okerson]

So I had them.

[Naim Ali]

No, no, he's not a good guy. He's not. Cause imagine how many other things he hid. People take all types of nasty pictures. And he just did this for you. He didn't even know you.

[Big J Okerson]

Right?

[Naim Ali]

That's crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

It was just dudes understanding dudes. And I got the pictures and, you know, I gave her her sealed pack, and I had my sealed pack. And then I had him in the glove compartment of my car. And I was working at the time.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay would keep him with him at all times.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, it was just. I had him for like a day or two. Not even. They were just in the glove compartment box. And I worked at a auto dealership, like, delivering auto parts. And they were. My brakes were fucked up. And they go, the service department will hook you up, like, as you work here and stuff. So I went there, and the guy was like, 50 bucks, I'll do your thing. Which was a million dollars to me also at the time. 50 bucks, I'll do it. And I was like, all right. Well, I needed it done. And while he's working on it, he was telling me where he hangs out and stuff. He's like, I hang out this bar, and I Go, oh, my friend Desiree works there. And he was like, dude, I'm in love with that chick. She is so hot. She's the hottest chick in the world. Blah, blah. And I was like, really? So what would you. If I had nice, like, some great pictures of her to show you, what would that do? He's like, dude, I wouldn't charge you for this at all, man. I'd.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, hell, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You had to cut the road. So I showed him with the caveat of, like, hey, I know you go hang at this bar. He seems like he's a kid who gets hammered. I'm like, can you please, like, don't ever say anything about this at all. He goes, dude, you have my word. What he did, actually, was that night, he went there, and he didn't tell her. Another girl that works there. He goes, God, you know that waitress? I'm in love with some guy show me naked picking. So it trickled back to her. It can only be one person. Me. She called me upset. I just was like, I have no idea what you're talking about.

[Jeff Dye]

Said Hugh Hefner told him about it. You're in.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Congratulations. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

No, they. What happened was she called me upset, then her boyfriend, who was like, you know, and she's like, one of the girls that dated, like, an older guy. Her boyfriend gets on the phone. He's saying all kinds of threats.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I have a question. Just real quick. Why didn't this whore ask her boyfriend to take the photos?

[Big J Okerson]

She wanted me to do this.

[Jeff Dye]

Only Jay.

[Naim Ali]

Nice.

[Jeff Dye]

Only Jay had the disposable camera, all.

[Big J Okerson]

The Gearbox, Kodak, a Fujifilm lying around. Think, dude, this is the 90s. So what? She goes. So she. He gets on the phone. He's like, threatening me and all kinds of stuff on the phone. And it's one of those things, like, I'm. I'm not backing down from him, but I really don't want him. He's, like, threatening to come over and shit. And I'm almost like, whatever, dude.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She's like, I got my camera.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm like, come over, pussy. I'm doing that. But in my mind, I'm going like, he's coming over with fury. And I'm going out there based on a lie I'm telling. I have to fight with the fury of, like, you're accusing me of something I did, motherfucker. Like, that's not that angry of a. So I was like, man, he's got all the fear. He never ended up showing up. But I panic, cut up the Pictures. And then I flushed him down a fucking toilet, which is probably a bad idea.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's crazy.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, bro. You was bitching too hard. Why you do that? He was.

[Big J Okerson]

Because of what I assume was probably the legality behind it.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, okay.

[Jeff Dye]

I hope that the next one says I once clogged all the plumbing in a building in New York City.

[Big J Okerson]

No, it's in Philly. But it was definitely probably not good for the plumbing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

For sure.

[Big J Okerson]

Took a few flushes, I think.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wow, great story, Jay. Alex, after one story, I mean, I already know the answer here, but make it official. Where's our points at?

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

All right on the scoreboard. In the lead with four points. Big J Okerson.

[Big J Okerson]

Always early rounds when it doesn't mean anything.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Before we, before we even move on, I want to say shout out to Smokey's Edibles who are in the house. Whole crew from Smokey Edibles here. They gave us some edibles for the crowd if anybody wants to get high. These are phenomenal. There was a Story wars episode in Los Angeles where by story number five, I was just picking my nose and staring at the ceiling. Thank you, Smokey's Edibles. There he is. You don't even know the show, sir. You piece of shit.

[Big J Okerson]

Just, you know, this tossing behavior is what happened right before Charlie Kirk got it right. Maybe next time let your friends throw things too and don't hog it all. Piece of shit.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sorry. You can throw out some body brain coffee samples for the crowd.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not getting shot. Hey, real quick, let's talk about one of our awesome sponsors over here at Stuart Story wars. And that is Prize Picks. America's number one daily fantasy sports app. Very, very simple to use. You download the Prize Picks app, you are making more or less picks on the projections of two to six players across any sport. You know, they pick a quarterback, is he gonna have three touchdowns? You pick more or less. It's that simple. Even Lewis can do it. And Lewis doesn't know or give a about sports. But this does make it fun. And Prize Picks is the only app that offers stacks, which means you could pick the same player up to three times in the same lineup. And you can even follow other prize Picks, friends or celebrities directly on the app and you can copy their lineups in one pick. It's a lot of fun. It's expanding. It's getting bigger every day. You get download the Prize Picks app today and use code wars to get 50 in lineups. After you play your first five dollar lineup.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Right now, go download the Prize Picks app today and use the code wars with the z to get 50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Once again, that is Wars Warz to get 50 in lineups AFTER you play your first $5 lineup. Price picks. It's good to be right. All right, where were we? Alex, Story number two.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, God, don't peg it at women.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number two. In high school, I would steal a family member's car in the middle of the night to go hang out with my friends. One night, I got caught and grounded. I decided to steal the car again the next night, thinking nobody would think I was stupid enough to do it two nights in a row. I got caught again.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wow. This is a dumb person.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, God, don't say that. Right before I was gonna make my guess. I don't think it's a dumb person. I think it's a young person.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, well, it says high school, Jay.

[Sarah Tolomach]

Yeah, unless they're really dumb.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, really dumb.

[Big J Okerson]

I thought my initial guess was Sarah, but I was. I was about to go, I think this is. And then you were like, this is a dumb. Oh, I don't want to, like, say her name.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

When did you. When did you move out of South Africa?

[Sarah Tolomach]

I was not even a year old.

[Naim Ali]

You weren't Africa?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She's the African one on the panel.

[Naim Ali]

Damn, that's crazy.

[Sarah Tolomach]

So two of us.

[Big J Okerson]

That's right, two of us.

[Naim Ali]

That's wild.

[Jeff Dye]

Now that I know that she stole the car. I apologize for earlier.

[Big J Okerson]

I.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Two.

[Big J Okerson]

We're down to two, for sure.

[Naim Ali]

Way more African than me. I never even been there.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Right.

[Naim Ali]

I also never been there.

[Sarah Tolomach]

I do like to talk during the movies. There's so much to talk about, so.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

God, I hate being such a. Every time there's black people talking in my movie, I just huff and puff and I never say anything.

[Big J Okerson]

I've said something. Louis, I'm gonna be honest with you. It doesn't go great. It doesn't go great.

[Naim Ali]

You gotta let us cook. Sometimes we saying important things.

[Big J Okerson]

It depends what I'll go to. I'll do. I'll do a horror. Yeah, a horror with black people is fine.

[Naim Ali]

That's fun.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it's fun.

[Naim Ali]

Sometimes we just go insure you see the movie. Like, yo, you just see that. Sometimes we doing that. You see what I'm saying?

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I think black people in a horror movie, it adds to the excitement. It's. There's. They're silly anyway. So it's like the. Everyone's supposed to be kind of like the Camaraderie of that right.

[Sarah Tolomach]

Together.

[Jeff Dye]

One time I was at a movie theater and they were talking a lot. And then by the third one, it was pretty funny. And then. Then it added an element to it.

[Naim Ali]

Yes. See? Yeah.

[Jeff Dye]

I go, that's actually funny. I'm going to give them that. And then my eyes.

[Naim Ali]

Hey, you ever been to this fear in Vegas? That's what it's like going to the movies with black people.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Experience.

[Big J Okerson]

It's immersive. And when like thing you're going to get hit with spritz sometimes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, the reason I asked Sarah that because I was. I was wondering what type of cars they would be driving in South Africa. I didn't even think they had cars there. So.

[Big J Okerson]

Human cars made out of the black people.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. That's racist, Jay. Well, it's not.

[Big J Okerson]

It's. It's South Africa.

[Sarah Tolomach]

We rode zebras, so.

[Big J Okerson]

Idiot.

[Sarah Tolomach]

Yeah, idiot, duh.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I would steal a family member's car in the middle of the night to hang out with my friends.

[Big J Okerson]

I do.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Grounded. So here's the thing. I think I'm not naim because black people don't get grounded. They get their asses beat.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, I bought this, yo. Listen, that's how. That's how you see, I ain't even saying this one. You know, it ain't me. I ain't never been grounded a day in my la.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Neither have I. My mom didn't ground me. My mom would just me up.

[Naim Ali]

Yes, I used to get my ass.

[Big J Okerson]

But I also assume that none of you guys had family members. And if you did, they didn't have cars.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, exactly. Boom, boom. Hit it right on the nose. Bingo. You see what I'm saying?

[Big J Okerson]

For that reason, I'm gonna say Sarah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's either Sarah or Jeff. I feel like here.

[Naim Ali]

I think it's Jeff.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jeff had some good parents. Parents at ground are good parents. I could tell Jeff's parents are still together. He's a Christian. He's a good guy.

[Big J Okerson]

This guy doesn't need to steal cars. He could have gotten some slightly chubby chick to drive him anywhere he wanted.

[Jeff Dye]

I could get a hot chick to drive me somewhere.

[Big J Okerson]

No, for sure, but a chubby chick.

[Jeff Dye]

Why'd you have to be chubby?

[Big J Okerson]

It's three in the morning. They're coming running.

[Jeff Dye]

Fair enough.

[Naim Ali]

Fair enough.

[Big J Okerson]

She'll deliver you to the hot chick who just wasn't gonna take the trick.

[Jeff Dye]

No, I. You think I have the balls to steal? To steal it?

[Big J Okerson]

No, I don't. I think it's Sarah.

[Jeff Dye]

Okay, good. I Was gonna say.

[Naim Ali]

It's for sure, Jeff.

[Jeff Dye]

Yo, I don't have the balls.

[Naim Ali]

When they first read it, he made it. No, every time you read a sentence.

[Jeff Dye]

He was like, that's just what I do. That's just how I. That's just how I listen. I don't tell you. Yeah, I'm 42. I don't have the balls to steal anything. I don't have the stomach for it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna go with your friend or mom's car is not exactly stealing.

[Big J Okerson]

No one said mom.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wait, what does it say?

[Jeff Dye]

It says steals.

[Naim Ali]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Jeff Dye]

Louis J. Gomez.

[Naim Ali]

What the going on over here, bro?

[Big J Okerson]

Why are you looking so close? It's the first sentence.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yo, a family member's car. Oh, I see. I'm sorry. I assumed it was a parents car.

[Naim Ali]

Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's too late, Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

But not just a Paris car. A mom's.

[Jeff Dye]

We figured it him out.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, it was this Lewis, bruh.

[Big J Okerson]

You should have wrote this guy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sarah, was this you?

[Sarah Tolomach]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

That's a good answer.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah.

[Jeff Dye]

It couldn't be her. She said the whole zebra thing. You don't remember that, right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Remember that Joe Saratoge is my vote.

[Jeff Dye]

Are you not listening to the lady? She drives a zebra.

[Big J Okerson]

2012 Zebra.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

S class. Alex. All of our answers are in for story number two.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

All right, everybody, Story number two belongs to Sarah Tolomach.

[Naim Ali]

Yo, daddy.

[Jeff Dye]

He tricked me with the mom thing. Damn it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So who's. Whose car was this?

[Naim Ali]

You're a liar, Sarah. I trusted you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, it must have been your dad's, because my dad's dad, and everyone knows that, so that's why.

[Jeff Dye]

What was with that zebra bullshit?

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, right.

[Sarah Tolomach]

It was my brother's car, and he was in college, so he left it behind.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh.

[Sarah Tolomach]

So I would push it down the driveway, and then we would go smoke cigarettes at Denny's.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You are African.

[Big J Okerson]

It was the most important thing in the world at the time, Right?

[Sarah Tolomach]

It had to be done.

[Big J Okerson]

You had to get there.

[Sarah Tolomach]

We had to get it there.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Sarah Tolomach]

But, yeah, I got caught twice. And then I did it like a year later. I kept doing it, actually.

[Big J Okerson]

What were your punishments?

[Sarah Tolomach]

Grounded, but with a sense of humor. You know what I mean? Like, then I would get a nickname of called Knight Rider, like kind of.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

That kind of shit.

[Big J Okerson]

Would you rather gotten grounded or just cracked one time with a belt?

[Sarah Tolomach]

Probably grounded, because it never. You can. You can charm your way out of grounding.

[Jeff Dye]

She's back to being white.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Yeah, that was great. Shit.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You can't really charm your way out of getting hit with a belt. I remember one time when I was, like, maybe eight, my mom started to beat me up. And then I was like, all right, I'm gonna try this. Let me just see if this is a different approach. And I was like, mom, but I love you. And then I hugged her, and she, like, got emotional, and she, like, hugged me back, and I was like, oh, shit. That's the way to do it. And then, like, three days later started hitting me again. And I was like, mom, but I love you. She's like, fuck you.

[Naim Ali]

She's dead.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She's dead. Jay, two stories down. Alex, where are points at?

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

All right, we have a tie for third place with two points each. Lis J. Gomez and Sarah Tolos.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wakanda Forever.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

And in the lead with six points, Big J Okerson.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Big J taking an early lead. We'll see if he holds onto it.

[Big J Okerson]

Shut up. Playing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Playing a perfect game right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't be that guy, Alex.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Story number three.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number three. I once hit a car on the freeway and left the scene because I was uninsured. I was later caught. The damages were so bad that I had to file bankruptcy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jesus. Jesus Christ.

[Naim Ali]

Somebody. Yo, yo, somebody. Y' all ruin y' all life of a damn car accident.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay, you would know that I had to file bankruptcy at one point in my life, and I would know that about you.

[Big J Okerson]

So I'm thinking this is Jeff, because he looks like he comes from a family that would understand how to even do the paperwork to get involved in that, right? I don't bank. I don't know what that means.

[Sarah Tolomach]

Don't you have to be rich to file?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I thought you had to be on the wheel of fortune.

[Sarah Tolomach]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no.

[Jeff Dye]

We don't know. We don't know how the laws work in Africa.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's Jeff or Naim.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, it's for Dash or ain't me, bro. I tell you this right now, anytime. Anytime I done hit a car and skirt it off, I made it out clean. Ain't never catch me.

[Big J Okerson]

So everything's here. You've hit people on the freeway. You've been uninsured, but you got out of it.

[Naim Ali]

I never get caught. Never got caught. Not once.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I. I'm. I'm legitimately excited to hear this story. I want to know what they hit, how they found him.

[Jeff Dye]

How do we know you guys haven't filed? Bankers? You said that so quick.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jeff Dye]

Oh, you'd know if I. And I know if you. This has got to Be them.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, we're playing against each other. There's no reason for us to be in cahoots.

[Jeff Dye]

Well, this is your show.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We do want to keep conversations with the pedophile.

[Big J Okerson]

I will say that when we go on the road together, we read a chapter to each.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't.

[Jeff Dye]

I don't need that book. I was friends with John Ree.

[Big J Okerson]

I forgot what was on that hard drive.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Ah. I mean, here's the thing. I'm. I'm getting Jeff vibes.

[Naim Ali]

I already know who it is, but.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I feel like, once again, Jeff. Jeff is not. He's a good guy, good family. Why would he have an uninsured car? Na's a piece of shit, yo.

[Naim Ali]

You write about that.

[Jeff Dye]

You think I've been uninsured?

[Naim Ali]

You ain't never lie about that.

[Big J Okerson]

Well.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, the way Jeff said it makes me think. It's definitely Jeff.

[Naim Ali]

It's definitely Jeff. I'm telling you. Listen, white people that look like this be doing sneaky. I'm telling you.

[Big J Okerson]

You see a.

[Naim Ali]

You see a white. I'm telling you. Yo, they be doing sneaky.

[Jeff Dye]

Let me just say. That is so racist.

[Big J Okerson]

That was very disappointing on you.

[Naim Ali]

I'm sorry. I apologize.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm really torn on this one. Yeah, this is.

[Sarah Tolomach]

I'm gonna go. Jeff.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You know what? I'm also going with Naim. He did admit. He admitted that he does this. He admitted to almost that. This is some strategy that I use very often. I'll admit to certain parts of the story to throw people off.

[Naim Ali]

That is your.

[Big J Okerson]

All right.

[Naim Ali]

It could never be me, bro.

[Jeff Dye]

It could never be me.

[Big J Okerson]

We're about to find out.

[Jeff Dye]

All the answers are in say his name.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, this is. If this is Sarah again, crashing your brother's car.

[Jeff Dye]

How'd she get off the hook on.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Right. That's crazy. It could easily be Sarah.

[Naim Ali]

I even consider that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex. All of her answers are in.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number three belongs to Jeff Dye.

[Naim Ali]

Yes. Hell, yeah. I fucking told you. I told you.

[Jeff Dye]

Well, don't let my face and clothes and stupid hair deceive you. I come from a long line of white trash. You were a long line of white trash.

[Big J Okerson]

A rapscallion of sorts.

[Jeff Dye]

Oh, yeah. I'm from Kent, Washington, which is the woods. About 45 minutes. Minutes south of Seattle. And a little hit and run and getting out of there is just kind of what we do.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Who'd you. Who did you hit? It was like. It was like somebody. It was like somebody driving a car. You went to an accident?

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah, I was like driving a giant Lifted Jeep on the freeway, and I was headed to the Giggles open mic in Seattle. This is in 2005, and I'm for whatever my way.

[Big J Okerson]

Family in a car?

[Jeff Dye]

What? No, I just. I just, you know, sometimes traffic is, like, stopped, like, around a turn or whatever, and I'm driving this big, stupid little lifted thing. And so when I see it, I was like, I get the bright. I just smashed this car. And I. I left because I was just panicked and freaked out, and I was uninsured. And then obviously they caught me immediately. There's, like, 9 million witnesses and cameras and everything.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

There's only one giant, bright yellow.

[Jeff Dye]

It was so dumb, but I was. I was a very stupid kid. And then everyone was like, were you drunk or were you. I was like, no, I was just scared. And so I left. And, you know, no one was hurt, thank God. And nothing, you know, nothing came of it, but, like, her car was all up, and so, like, I was like, maybe that'll tip them off.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Well, good for you, Jeff. Alex, Three stories down, where are our points?

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

All right, tied for last place with two points each. Lewis J. Gomez, Naim Ali, and Jeff D.

[Naim Ali]

I don't know. Did you guess yourself?

[Jeff Dye]

No. How did I get points?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Because it was your story, and two people didn't vote for you. Trick two people.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

In second place with four points, Sarah Tollemache.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

And in the lead with six points, Big J. Okerson.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I can almost picture this book on my mantle. Conversations with a Pedophile reveals how a convicted sex offender selected his victims and slowly drew them in. He details the grooming process.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What is this?

[Big J Okerson]

A how to build trust. Forging bonds and then violating that trust once the children were vulnerable. Dr. Zabin shares these disturbing words so that parents can recognize the warning signs and use this knowledge to help keep their children safe.

[Jeff Dye]

Yo.

[Big J Okerson]

Conversation. New York Times number three.

[Jeff Dye]

Now I'm glad I'm in last place.

[Naim Ali]

Yo, how does this book exist.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yo really?

[Naim Ali]

Publish this should get locked the up. This is crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

A little bit of nepotism. Me and Lewis did the audiobook for this guy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's so parents could recognize Louis the pedophile.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm the child in the book.

[Naim Ali]

Nah, bro. Yo, this is erotica for pedophiles. They buying this and jacking off.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's either some parents can recognize the warning signs or a complete how to guide to fuck children.

[Naim Ali]

Yes, exactly.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's nuts.

[Big J Okerson]

Every couple pages are stuck together. It's a real chunky book.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

It jumps from 101 to 133. But I'll tell you what, that's 32 pages of magic right there. Oh, man. If you can get a heat gun, you could probably get those open and see what all the hubbubs about.

[Naim Ali]

Ew.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Okay, story warriors, let's take a quick moment and thank Turtle beach for supporting the show. Longtime supporters of the show, we love them. Holiday season's coming back around, so if you have anybody in your life that likes to play video games, you should get them something from Turtle Beach. I really want to talk about the Gen 3 Stealth 700 headset, which has an 80 hour battery life. It's like you step into the game. I swear to God. The surround sound and the headse headphones are incredible. The microphone quality is incredible. I actually use it when I'm podcasting on the road. Jay, I know this was your big. Your big gift to all of the young people in your family last year, and you were ahead of the holidays.

[Big J Okerson]

It's okay. You can call them nerds. They are, but they were very, very happy, those nerds. And they never have to charge the headphones because 80 hours of battery life is a lot of battery life, even when you are a nerd and play for many, many hours in a row. If you head to turtlebeach.com right now and use the code wars with a Z W A, you're going to get 10% off your entire order. That's 10% off your [e-mail] with promo code WORZ for 10% off turtlebeach.com. check them out today. All right, let's get back into it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex. Story number four.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number four. I got suspended from school for calling a girl a racial slur in an AOL chat room that included my teachers and every other student in my class.

[Big J Okerson]

Naim.

[Naim Ali]

Yo, that's crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

I do think it just very much could be Louis, but following a girl?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, the AOL chat was right in high school for me. This is an age thing, right? It was right in high school for me. I had used some racial slurs in my dad. Maybe you've never heard of a little show called Legion of Skanks.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I know, but what would you have said? I just feel like this is a story I remember of you. This would be a big moment from school for it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The N and the G keys were rubbed off on my keyboard.

[Big J Okerson]

I know. It's because you hated gingers.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm getting naim vibes because it's a little bit throwing it off, right?

[Naim Ali]

How the fuck is It Me. I'm black.

[Big J Okerson]

You mean you called an Asian person a hilarious thing.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah.

[Jeff Dye]

And you're allowed to use all the racial slurs you don't know.

[Naim Ali]

You know, But I wouldn't get in trouble for it.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, you get suspended for calling a white guy a honky. How dare you?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I'm getting, like, Asian or Indian vibes. He called some girl a towel head or something.

[Big J Okerson]

A sand n word. All the hits, all the good stuff.

[Naim Ali]

I don't. I don't do that. I'm a nice guy. I don't do that.

[Big J Okerson]

Until you get pushed over the edge by some. Some dirty sand. Edward.

[Jeff Dye]

Or Asians. How do you feel about Asians? See if his eyes light up. What do you think about Asians?

[Naim Ali]

Oh, I love the Chinese.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Naim Ali]

I love the Asians, bro.

[Big J Okerson]

Those rice n words.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I'm getting. It's. It's not Sarah. Sarah would never admit to this. That'd be crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

South Africa is a very racist place. It is true.

[Sarah Tolomach]

But we didn't have AOL Chad.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's true. That she wrote it on the side of a zebra, smacked it on his ass.

[Naim Ali]

I think. I'm almost sure it's Lewis. I'm almost sure it's Louis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, the reason you're not 100% sure is because it's you.

[Big J Okerson]

I agree. I'm go. I'll vote right away and tell you, this is naive.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, I did get in trouble in the sixth grade. I'd. I'd never really, like, interacted with Jews before. Or had I thought. I thought I had never interacted with Jews.

[Big J Okerson]

So I firebombed a synagogue, and, like. But then. Then I met Jews, and I was like, oh, I should have done that. They were pretty cool.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, we were. We were doing a thing with, like, construction paper, and then I had black construction paper, and I cut it into, like, a spiral, right? And then it fell like a little spring, and I put both of them on my head that I was like, look, I'm a Jew. And I was talking to a girl named Barbara Ann Wittenberg, and she was like, I'm Jewish. And I was like, like, what?

[Big J Okerson]

You're like, yeah. No, Wittenberg.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. So I did get in trouble for.

[Naim Ali]

He's doing that thing again. He doing that thing that he does. I got you, bro. I got you, bro.

[Big J Okerson]

He does that sometimes. He does. He tells the story. Yes. And then goes.

[Naim Ali]

But then he went. And then he.

[Big J Okerson]

I did the exact same thing. But this isn't me. It's one of his Ch.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I've done similar things, but this is not me. It is Naim Ali.

[Big J Okerson]

I do agree it's Naim, though.

[Naim Ali]

Y' all racist.

[Big J Okerson]

Why? Because we think you were in an AOL chat, like, 10 years ago. You were still using 20 free hours of AOL 10 years ago.

[Jeff Dye]

I would like to thank all of you for not accusing me of this dog.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Big J is a deep answer as well. Big J, He's.

[Jeff Dye]

He's been too sneaky over there.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, he's. He's. He's knows how to cut deep. And he's racist, so.

[Jeff Dye]

Right. He was pretty comfortable rattling off all those ones to. To Naim.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's true.

[Naim Ali]

Exactly.

[Big J Okerson]

None of these things are true.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Four stories down. Alex, whose story was this?

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number four belongs to Naima.

[Naim Ali]

Yes, it was me, you idiots. Or should I say, you idiots?

[Big J Okerson]

I know. Name.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What?

[Jeff Dye]

I just don't want to write your name again. I felt like it was a pattern.

[Big J Okerson]

So many vowels, so many vows.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What race was this girl? Naim?

[Naim Ali]

She was black and white. Mixed.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So what you. What you call her?

[Naim Ali]

I called her A. I said you.

[Jeff Dye]

That's not racist.

[Big J Okerson]

No, the. The Is the white part.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, that's the white part.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you.

[Jeff Dye]

Always getting in trouble for being right, you know?

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, we was at the. We was on a class trip.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Trip.

[Naim Ali]

I was in, like, fourth or fifth grade. And that was right when AOL came out and they had an exhibit at the Franklin Institute, and they took us to the Franklin Institute. And then we always in there in a chat because it was like a new thing. It was like you all could be in the same chat room on your different computers. And then she said. And then she typed in the thing. She said, naim ugly. And I said, shut up, you. And then I got suspended. Yeah, she started, right?

[Big J Okerson]

She got no trouble. Trouble for calling you ugly? No, it's a woman.

[Naim Ali]

Come on. What the hell's going on?

[Big J Okerson]

Women get all the breaks.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, four stories down. Alex, where our points at?

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

All right, in last place with two points, Jeff. Die.

[Big J Okerson]

You better clap before he all your girlfriends.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

In fourth place with three points, Naim Ali. In third place with four points, Luis J. Gomez. In second place with six points, Sara Tolomach.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, she's doing good.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

And in the lead with eight points, Big J Okerson.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Big J Okerson in the lead. You've been playing the game a lot better lately.

[Big J Okerson]

I come in stone faced, no emotions.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You come in stone face.

[Big J Okerson]

Do plugs.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Let's do some plugs, guys. Jeff Dye, what are you Plugging my friend.

[Jeff Dye]

I have a podcast called Die Hard and then just go to jeffdye.com I'm literally in a comedy club club every night. So yeah, I'm coming to your town, wherever it is.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Very funny. Very funny. Naim Ali.

[Naim Ali]

You can catch me on at True dad podcast. Check out the new podcast. It's the best true crime podcast in the world. And do ragged a deer tag. Me and my boys kicking it, you know. You know, come check me out and follow me on Instagram. Name two underscore Ali. That's you can catch all my shows.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And hell yeah Sarah.

[Sarah Tolomach]

And then I have a special on YouTube but whole money and then just follow me on any social media platforms. Stalamosh.

[Big J Okerson]

Hell yeah, Big J. BigJay comedy.com for all my days. Big J Okerson's Peter North American tour coming on a city near you. If you get it, you get it. I'm coming. Well, doesn't matter what this weekend, right? We're all over the place.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Two, three weeks at least.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I'm coming all kinds of places at a city near you. Look for it on my website or Punchup Live, BigJokarson or BigJComedy.com of course. Listen to the flagship show right over here on Gas Digital, the Legion of Skanks and the bonfire five days a week faction talk series XM103 with me and the great Robert Kelly. And also on my YouTube. Big J, Big J Okerson on my YouTube page. I'm doing lives now once a week or so. So come hang out and watch me watch YouTube. It's been fun. Sick double vinyl for crowd work. Specials coming out too too.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Very cool.

[Big J Okerson]

That's all Big J.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Come see me on the road, guys. In October, I got Kenosha, Wisconsin, Springfield, Missouri, Chandler, Arizona and more. Go to my website, LewisWisGangs.com Sign up for my mailing list. Get a bonus podcast that I do there just for subscribers. Make sure you check out all the other pods that I do. The Regs and Legion of Skanks. The legendary Legion of Skanks. And if you want to see Story wars live on the road, Austin, we're coming October 30th. Two shows, the main room of the comedy Mothership. I think they're both sold out. There might be tickets for the late one sell, but if you're gonna get them, get them right now. November 11th, we are here back in New York City at the Gramercy Theater for the New York Comedy Festival Giant Theater show. It's gonna be lots of surprises. The lineup is crazy. Get those tickets. It will sell out.

[Big J Okerson]

And we're doing two.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Thanksgiving weekend on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, Philadelphia. We're coming back ill adelf two shows, one night. Lots of great Philly comics. Naim will probably be hanging out as well. You know, rumor has it that Shane Gillis will be in town, so we'll see if we can get him to come out. And yeah, just make sure you guys get tickets for all those things.

[Big J Okerson]

If not, everybody Shane knows will be there, though.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, that'll be pretty sick. Yeah, we're gonna, we're gonna try to make him come, but yeah, we have that. And make sure you subscribe to Gas Digital. If you guys love this show. We have like 40 episodes that aren't available anywhere else except for Gas Digital subscribers. So go to gas digital.com you have the uncensored ad free version. Plus we have pre release on all of our episodes and thousands, thousands and thousands of hours of content, including legion of skanks, old school realized podcasts, SDR show and more. Gas digital.com use that promo code war to save a couple bucks a month. Download the iPhone app, Android app, all that stuff. And you know what, guys? Make sure if you, if you guys want to boost your testosterone naturally, Body brain, coffee. Push your testosterone naturally over coffee. We have samples for the best coffee. Naim loves it.

[Naim Ali]

It's the best coffee in the world. Body brain.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I appreciate that, man.

[Naim Ali]

You actually, you, you actually to figure out, you got to. You should call it something different than coffee. It's just a whole different experience. It's a wildly different experience than just coffee. Well, imagine being in heaven and then getting your dick sucked by three ladies. Oh, and you're just walking around feeling like that all day.

[Big J Okerson]

It's got, it's got Tonkat Ali Ashwagandha.

[Jeff Dye]

After that, it's a great.

[Naim Ali]

I'm telling you, it's different than coffee. It's better.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, well, that was. That was this. Our half point of it is the half point of the show. And for the second half of the game, it does change a little bit.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. We decided to make things move a little quicker and get a little more exciting for the audience. For the second half of the show, we go double points.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's truly anybody's game in the second half.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a very simple concept. Whereas before, if you fooled somebody, you got one point. If you guessed the correct story, you got two points. That now goes to double points.

[Naim Ali]

I have a question. So let's just say I just blind guess. Let's just say right now I write down big J, and I have. Can I get quadruple points?

[Big J Okerson]

No. No, that would still count for double points.

[Naim Ali]

Okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Are you suggesting that we double the double?

[Jeff Dye]

It was a good idea, though, I think. But we should definitely do double points. Fuck. Why can't I do it?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, Jeff, you must be a story warrior. You must have won a game.

[Jeff Dye]

You tricked me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sarah can do it anytime she wants. Double point. It feels nice, right?

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Feels good.

[Sarah Tolomach]

I feel you.

[Big J Okerson]

You're the third person who we've. We've had to watch make that crucial mistake. And I'll tell you, as most people on this show are our friends, when you see it happening, you're like, I wish I could stop them, but it's a lesson they have to learn. You know what I mean?

[Jeff Dye]

That felt more humiliating than a lot of things in my entire life. That was. That was truly humbling.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, let's take a quick moment and thank Body Brain Coffee for supporting the show. Body Brain Coffee is a coffee brand that I conceptualized about a year ago. Now I was looking at the numbers now. It's been about a year since we started coming up with the actual concept, and it's been incredible so far. If you are a dude or a woman as well. Not just for dudes, but we really always talk to the dudes here because it has Tonga ali, which actually elevates your testosterone levels naturally. And that's great. Great for women, too. If you're a woman, you can have a little testosterone as well. But it's got lion's mane for brain function and memory. It's got ashwagandha, which will make you. It'll stabilize your mood, and L. Theanine, which smooths out the caffeine experience. If you guys are sensitive to caffeine, L. Theanine makes it a way smoother, less jittery experience. I. You know, whether you want to drink it hot, cold, in a protein shake, which I literally did during the show today, just go to bodybraincoffee.com, use the promo code War25. War25. You're gonna get 25% off your order today. Plus, we're actually g. An additional $5 off right now if you order directly from the website, because I don't like the bags that they sent us. They sent us the wrong bags. Wait, Louis. Yes, sir.

[Big J Okerson]

You put the crystals directly into the protein shake.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

In lieu of water.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

In lieu of water.

[Big J Okerson]

And just mix it in yes, sir. Does it mix in smoothly? It doesn't.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Like, I just shake. You just shake it? I don't even use a shaker.

[Big J Okerson]

It doesn't get, like, no chunkiness at all?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Nope. It's. If you want to. If you. I use the. I use a vanilla protein shake. I mix it right in so it turns it into a coffee protein shake, and you get the benefits of all adaptogens and nootropics.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Very, very cool. If you guys want to give it a shot, go to bodybraincoffee.com, use that promo code, WAR25 for 25 off. And right now, for the month of October, it's an additional $5 off for anybody even if you don't use a promo code, because I don't like the outer bags that they sent us. So if you get it from bodybringcoffee.com, you'll get a little bit of an extra discount. All right, where were we?

[Big J Okerson]

Alex?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Story number five.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number five. One time, I was convinced that my tires were frozen solid, but in reality, the roads were just covered in black ice that I couldn't see.

[Big J Okerson]

Let me say something. Lewis. Lewis is a pretty new driver, and he is.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Is yo.

[Big J Okerson]

Dumb as. I mean, he doesn't know anything about anything. And this would be. This is a very. Lewis, this is dumb as yo.

[Naim Ali]

This is. This is borderline, right? Whoever this is.

[Big J Okerson]

I tell you, Lewis had a car.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You know, I think this a pretty honest mistake that a lot of people could make, to be honest with you. No kidding.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, Louis. Louis, this screams you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We know it's not Sarah because it doesn't say hooves were frozen solid.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Right.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll tell you why. I know it's not. She's the only other person I could be. And I was like, oh, this is such a girl situation to have. And I was like, oh, who has. Who handles their car situations like a girl?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, that's. This is a very. It does sound like a girl thing.

[Naim Ali]

This is the dumbest shit ever. Hey, no offense, whoever this is, I don't know who it is yet, but out of you, all you people over here right now, sorry, but this is fucking stupidest person, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Whoever this is, whoever this is, is the stupidest fucking person on this panel.

[Naim Ali]

Yes, yes, by a lot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think that this is Big J playing the game right now.

[Big J Okerson]

I would not. I wouldn't sit here and let everybody call me stupid. That ain't how I play it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but you're leading the stupid charge.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah.

[Naim Ali]

Whoever this is. Is dumb as a.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You need. You guys need to stop saying that. I gotta be honest with you. Because whoever it is, you know, maybe they were, you know, a little bit.

[Naim Ali]

Stoned that morning, you know, whoever this is, whoever this is adult. And be allowed to them because almost. It's almost pedophilia. This person is an idiot.

[Big J Okerson]

You're taking advantage of a slow brain.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

You have sex with whoever does this. You're taking advantage of a person with a slow brain. It's not okay. It's not okay.

[Naim Ali]

It's not good. Yo, you can't do that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, a lot of driving stories today, which is interesting.

[Big J Okerson]

Good deflection.

[Jeff Dye]

I want to know who it is, because I want the double points. Yeah.

[Naim Ali]

I saw that one. That was very stinky.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jeff. Jeff is so good looking that he has probably coasted through life as well. He could just be really stupid and we don't know it. Jeff is so good looking.

[Big J Okerson]

Just like a total himbo.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, like a real himbo.

[Jeff Dye]

You're right.

[Big J Okerson]

He's like. I don't know. They're so hard, the tires. And then like a brutish woman comes over and goes, I got a jack in the back. Do you have a jacket you can put over my shoulders?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, hold on. Was it just Seattle?

[Jeff Dye]

I would accuse the ice of being black, too.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That is true.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

That is.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You don't want. You don't want to know what Naim called the ice.

[Big J Okerson]

He was just better for school, for.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jet. Was there. Is there a lot of ice in Seattle? Do they get icy?

[Sarah Tolomach]

I feel like it doesn't.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah, they get ice up there.

[Sarah Tolomach]

It's like wet.

[Jeff Dye]

We get ice everywhere.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think especially in California and Texas.

[Jeff Dye]

There's ice everywhere. Ice on our great nation ocean.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They're getting the Mexicans. Come on, folks.

[Big J Okerson]

Go birds. Ice free Palestine.

[Naim Ali]

Hell, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I think that girl from that thing said it perfectly.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, guys, this is ridiculous. It's not me. Everyone's just writing Lewis down.

[Sarah Tolomach]

Feels like you.

[Naim Ali]

I put a Puerto Rican flag on mine.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's not a Puerto Rican flag.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, what is it?

[Jeff Dye]

Sure it is.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't know what the that is.

[Naim Ali]

It's close enough.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah, we knew what it is.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

God damn it.

[Jeff Dye]

Definitely you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's definitely not me. And we're giving Big J all the points right now, you idiots.

[Jeff Dye]

Nope. Nice try.

[Naim Ali]

No way.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay just finished drawing it. Asshole. Dickhead.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, he drew the Puerto Rican flag race, so I drew a barbecue in a public park.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Jeff Dye]

Oh, that's the flag.

[Big J Okerson]

That's what it says on their license plates.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He got it right, Alex. Break everyone's heart.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number five belongs to Louis J. Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Just so you guys know, I don't want to win today. Yeah. I don't even care. All right. How about that? Yeah, this happened. Yeah, very pretty recently. This was way too recently. I was with my son in the car, driving him to school. And this is right when I moved to the suburbs. And I still had to drive him into New York City. And I got out, and it was just frozen solid. The roads were frozen solid, but you couldn't see it. It was just fucking. It was black ice. So I get it. We pull out of the driveway, and we just start sliding. And I'm like, oh, shit, James. My son at the time is like. Like, seven. I was like, oh, James, I think the tires are frozen. And then he goes. He's seven. He goes, dad. He's like, I think it might be ice on the roads. And now he tells that story to every adult he meets, and he's like. And he goes, I'll tell you, the moment that I realized that I was smarter than my dad. That's how he prefaces the story.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a big day in a kid's life.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes. I am an idiot.

[Sarah Tolomach]

It.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, I got no points there, Alex. Where are points at?

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

All right, drop down to last place with four points, Lewis J. Gomez.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah.

[Naim Ali]

Hell, yeah. Yeah, Right? No, you got it.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

In fourth place with six points, Jeff D. In third place with seven points, Naim Ali. In second place with 10 points, Sarah Tollemache. And in the lead with 12 points, Big J Okerson.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Jeff Dye]

Big J.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Been in the lead the entire game right now. Truly anybody's game, though, Sarah. Television story warrior coming up. Right in his ass, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, Story warriors, let's talk about our awesome sponsor over here at the show, and that is Chubby's. Chubby. You think it's just summer stuff, but it's not. You should have bought new clothes for the season ahead. Thankfully, Chubby's is here to make sure your fall wardrobe hits harder than a linebacker who hasn't even heard of cte.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That was a good joke, Jay. That was right off your dome, huh?

[Big J Okerson]

With soft. Yep. I got a million of those. With soft, stretchy fall staples built for maximum comfort, Chubby's fall collection is packed with cozy gear that brings the heat.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude, the joggers are incredible. I'm wearing them right now. They feel so good. They're so comfortable, and they have a bunch of stuff. Just go check out all of their gear. Right now it's Chubbyshorts.com no longer just shorts though. Chubby Shorts.com is the website. Whether you're layering up for tailgate gates, lounging through lazy Sundays, or just leaning fully into fall comfort, they have you covered. Once Again, go to Chubbyshorts.com wars and use code Wars W A R Z. Remember always with a Z and you're gonna get 20 off your entire order today. This is also great for the holiday season coming up. Chubbyshorts.com wars w a r z and use that promo code warz for 20 off. All right, where were we?

[Big J Okerson]

You're up my ass.

[Sarah Tolomach]

I'm gonna be right in there.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Story.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number six. I had just gotten new walkie talkies for my birthday and my friend convinced me that we should try them underwater and I did. They broke immediately.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Now this is the dumbest person on the panel in my opinion. What a dumbass idiot. What type of fool.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah, back to back Lewis stories. Unfair.

[Big J Okerson]

It is possible.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It is possible. By the way. It's all randomly generated.

[Naim Ali]

That's crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

It's been three in a row before.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yep, it's been pretty crazy. Walkie talkies for my birthday. All right, so that's not a, that's not a little black kids gift.

[Naim Ali]

You know, I never had no goddamn walkie.

[Big J Okerson]

First of all, it was, it wasn't on your birthday. It was a couple weeks after when they got the money for it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But yeah, black, black, black kids get sneakers. Plus they can't swim.

[Big J Okerson]

They're not going on underwater.

[Naim Ali]

That's kind of crazy. What are we doing here?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Here?

[Naim Ali]

And, and also just, just how you also know it's not me. I was raised Muslim. Never selling my. Never celebrated my birthday or Christmas or none of that.

[Big J Okerson]

Or water.

[Jeff Dye]

Or pride week or any women's rights.

[Naim Ali]

I don't got none of that.

[Jeff Dye]

Uhuh.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Jeff Dye]

If it would have said that, right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If it would have said I got, I got a circumcision kit for my birthday.

[Big J Okerson]

That does sound. Does sound Muslim.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Walkie talkies. Girls don't get walkie talkies either.

[Jeff Dye]

No, sure they do.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Do they?

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, it's Jeff, bro. It's Jeff.

[Jeff Dye]

No, but I think this has got the button on it like after her last one. Like she had the last time. It was her story. It had like a little sense at the end was like, you know, and this kind of immediately.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Little.

[Jeff Dye]

A little writer's button on it.

[Naim Ali]

Nice.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And Sarah's a great writer. That is true.

[Naim Ali]

Very observed. Nervous.

[Jeff Dye]

They broke immediately like it was.

[Big J Okerson]

But I also don't know what girl wants walkie talkies for a birthday.

[Jeff Dye]

Girls like walkie talkies.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Girls that are born in Africa.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, yeah, True.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, that's right. Child soldiers.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, that's very African, bro.

[Big J Okerson]

She's like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

One time I got. I. I got a Michael Jordan jersey and children of the.

[Jeff Dye]

That's what they call phones there.

[Naim Ali]

That is.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. You're carrying a machine gun, wearing a. A T shirt. A championship T shirt for the team who lost the Super Bowl.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I got an AK47 and a magic Johnson T shirt. I think. I mean, this could be Big J. Big J, you were like a little chubby kid. Little chubby kids love walkie talkies.

[Big J Okerson]

And I love water. It's the only time we're weightless.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I can see this being Big J.

[Big J Okerson]

Immediately as a fat man's role. Roller coaster. No one can tell you. You have to leave it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay. Jay. Jay has a pool. He likes water. Likes to swim.

[Big J Okerson]

I love walkie talkies.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Loves walkie talkie.

[Big J Okerson]

Roger, Roger.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jeff. Jeff is getting nervous. That's why he did an early vote. He hasn't said anything.

[Jeff Dye]

I've admitted to crimes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Did I seem nervous?

[Naim Ali]

Yo, I told you. Every time. Every time it's Jeff when she with the whole time Alex reading.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He like.

[Naim Ali]

He making noises. And it's Jeff again.

[Jeff Dye]

Done that for all.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All of them.

[Naim Ali]

He like making noises when it's him.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Jeff. Jeff.

[Jeff Dye]

Boy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Every little boy wants walkie talkies for their birthday.

[Big J Okerson]

And only some white people had a pool.

[Sarah Tolomach]

Right?

[Jeff Dye]

Again, very racist.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He was. He was white trash. He didn't have a pool. He didn't say that before.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah, so.

[Naim Ali]

But we know is you. My. My name is Jeff. That's you bro. My name is.

[Big J Okerson]

Could be a lake.

[Naim Ali]

As you breath.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

This story belongs to Sarah to.

[Jeff Dye]

No way. I should have went with my instincts.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sarah, I had no idea that you were a lesbian. This is crazy. I am, I am.

[Sarah Tolomach]

But girls like to talk, so we got to get walkie talkies.

[Jeff Dye]

I know.

[Big J Okerson]

You were right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was a woman story. She didn't understand how electricity works. She went in the water with it. We're idiots.

[Naim Ali]

Damn.

[Big J Okerson]

It was right there waiting for us. You think they work under water?

[Jeff Dye]

No, everybody said me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it's honestly cuz it seems like like a nice good kid story. You seem like when you were younger you were a good kid.

[Big J Okerson]

Something happened along talking someone took advantage of.

[Sarah Tolomach]

He said you were in the woods.

[Jeff Dye]

But let's see hear this story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sarah. Yeah. What happened here? Who was this friend? What happened?

[Sarah Tolomach]

Oh, it was the kid across the street. Kind of my frenemy. I still don't know if he knew that. He was setting me up to have my present. Eat it in the water.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Sarah Tolomach]

But we were sitting in the pool, like, on the edge of the pool. He's like, we should try these in the water. And then I was like, okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, he suggested it.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He definitely knew.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah. That was on purpose.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He wanted.

[Naim Ali]

He wanted you to break your throat.

[Big J Okerson]

He was to see if you would.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Be shocked to death.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah. I wonder if these walkie talkies work in the freeway.

[Big J Okerson]

You think he's working the only locks on the outside. Walk in fridge.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That was Seraphina that started that applause break. She wants to suck Jeff's. Did you see that?

[Big J Okerson]

We all do.

[Jeff Dye]

Hey, let the lady be.

[Big J Okerson]

Chivalry is not dead.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, six stories down. Where our points at? Sarah just cleaned up.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

All right. In last place, with four points, Lis J. Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Take some coffee.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

In fourth place with six points, Jeff D. In third place with seven points, Naim Ali. In second place with 12 points, Big J Okerson. And in the lead with 18 points, Sarah Tolomach.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, shit. Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sarah Tolomach moving that. She is truly a story warrior. It's not. It's not random. It's not luck. This is the way you play the game.

[Big J Okerson]

Sarah wants this pedophile book.

[Sarah Tolomach]

Give it to me. I must learn the ways.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Six stories down, two more to go. You guys having a good time tonight? Come on, folks. What a night. What a show. Story number seven.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number seven. I was trying to impress some family members at a carnival. Instead, I got misgendered by a group of girls and cried on a run.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, is this a big J origin story?

[Big J Okerson]

Pointing at me? Are you misgendering me now?

[Naim Ali]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You sort of dressing like a lady because of this?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, it's just me now.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah. It's crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sure.

[Jeff Dye]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You were nail polish.

[Naim Ali]

Nah, this. This Sarah. This Sarah again. Ain't nobody else. I don't see how anybody else could get misgendered. Girls can get misgendered if they just shave their hair off. So maybe you had a low cut. Maybe you had a. Maybe you had a Caesar with a fade on the side.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, you don't understand.

[Naim Ali]

Maybe you was outside wearing chains and Alanine Cyrus in jerseys headbands.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay was a fat kid. Little fat kids.

[Big J Okerson]

You were a fat kid.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I was, but I was very obviously A boy. You were a fat little girly boy with titties and damn it, my.

[Big J Okerson]

Probably.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You probably had cotton candy in your face because you're eating it. They couldn't see anything with the top of your head.

[Naim Ali]

Damn.

[Jeff Dye]

Also, you have carnival vibes.

[Naim Ali]

Yo, you do got.

[Big J Okerson]

I do. I do love a carnival.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's a fun game show, but it's actually just the meanest show on the planet.

[Big J Okerson]

I like it.

[Jeff Dye]

But he's also sweet, so I could see him going, I love a roundup.

[Big J Okerson]

Gravitron.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Gravitron is gang fest this year, boys.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, Gravitron.

[Big J Okerson]

The inside one.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, the inside one.

[Big J Okerson]

Not the one that goes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's not the roundup. All right?

[Jeff Dye]

Right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I know you're bummed about it, cuz.

[Big J Okerson]

I was told someone knows a lot.

[Jeff Dye]

About a carnival, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, you got carnival on the brain because you're having that. A skank fest.

[Naim Ali]

You got carnival on the brain.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Jay's trying to deflect this to me. Jay, we all know that you got called a little girl.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, I think it's you, Jay. Now, I think it's you being aggressive.

[Big J Okerson]

Lewis, but you think it's you. Dude, you're throwing it hard at me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're not even. You don't even believe what you're saying right now. We all feel it.

[Naim Ali]

Look at him. Yeah, look at him.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He's doing half effort right? Right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone thought you guys were girls.

[Naim Ali]

Jay is a girl. Yo.

[Jeff Dye]

He's.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He's feeling the wind slip from his grass right now, so he's bummed out.

[Naim Ali]

Everybody thought you guys were here.

[Jeff Dye]

Leave this chick alone, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, vote for me, idiots.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, I'll get the voting going. I. I feel like this is definitely. Oh, this is so funny.

[Naim Ali]

Damn, bro.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He. He had to share this embarrassing moment thinking that he was going to get points. There was no upside to this.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Jeff Dye]

Also, she laughed when she was reading it, so I know it's not her.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Who are you talking about, Jay?

[Jeff Dye]

No, no, different girl. The other girl.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

The other. The other girl.

[Jeff Dye]

The biological woman laughed at this.

[Naim Ali]

Yo. Damn, Jay. That's up, bruh.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Dude, having a black guy when you're making fun of somebody makes it so much more fun.

[Naim Ali]

That's crazy. They was calling you a girl. Damn. Somebody. Somebody probably thought about you, bro. That's crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Naim Ali]

That'S so crazy. Oh, don't cry.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Damn, Sarah. Okay, Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

You'Re all gonna feel like idiots in a second.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, Alex. All of her answers are in.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Wow, everyone, this story belongs to Belongs to Big J.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Naim Ali]

Hey, yo.

[Jeff Dye]

I also. I want to know why. It started with. I was trying to impress some family members.

[Big J Okerson]

I. It was a sink. It was a Saint Clistus carnival in West Philadelphia, and I would go. When my dad would show up on some weekends to pick me up, I would. I had stepbrothers where he lived, and one time they were driving me home and this carnival was happening, so I was like, you know, I wanted whoever's idea it was. We all went to the carnival. I brought my stepbrothers who were older than me, and I thought very cool. So I was gonna. In my mind, I was showing them around, like, you know, the people that I might know and school friends and shit. And then at one point, these girls were like, I was waiting in line for a ride called the Tempest, which is a lot of spinning and whatever.

[Jeff Dye]

Girl ride.

[Big J Okerson]

No, Jeff, this was scary.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I was waiting in line at the.

[Big J Okerson]

Tampon vending machine, and I was waiting. I was waiting in line to get on with my stepbrothers, and they're behind me. And then I just look over. I just see, like, a group of, like, girls my age, and they're, like, giggling and looking over at me and, like, looking over, and I was like. And it looked like. Like they were. In my mind, they were doing, like, oh, you go talk to them. You go talk. And they were doing that. But they found the volunteer to go. And she came over to me and she goes, hey. At this point, I'm like, oh, my God, this girl's gonna try to hit on me in front. I mean, I was a kid, so I don't remember. I wasn't thinking fucking. But I was a. You know, I was a little kid, but I was still. I was like, this girl's gonna come to chat me up. Jason's bra in front of my stepbrothers. Oh, my God, everything. I took my jellies off, so. And then the girl comes over and she goes, hey. And I'm just thinking for, like, you know, can I get your number? I think it's going to be something great, but. Which, by the way, would be out of the ordinary. I'm like, the gods have shined on me in front of my cool stepbrothers. They're going to think I'm the coolest. And this girl goes, excuse me? And I go, yeah. She goes, are you a boy or a girl? And I went, what boy? And then I was. And then we were next. And then.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah, I think you have to kill those People, I think.

[Big J Okerson]

And then I got on the ride and I was terrified of rides again. I was just trying to impress my stepbrothers. So I got on it and every time it was one of those, I was the kid that every time you pass the guy, I'd be like, please stop this. I think something's going wrong. I'm in danger.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm a boy.

[Big J Okerson]

Despite your instincts, some boy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I swear to God, I move on.

[Big J Okerson]

No points for that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No points for that at all. Great story. No points. I think Sarah's pulling very hard far ahead right now. I don't know if anybody can catch up with her, but either way, where are our points at all?

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Right. In last place, with eight points, Luis J. Gomez.

[Naim Ali]

Okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I did get points. You're right.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

In fourth place with 10 points, Jeff Dye. In third place with 11 points, Naim Ali.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, get the fuck out of here.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Oh, you're robbed.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, I feel so robbed right now.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

In second place with 12 points, Big J Okerson.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

And with a crazy lead with 22 points.

[Naim Ali]

Jesus Christ.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Sarah Tolomach.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sarah Tolomach. So, I mean, at this point, as you guys all know, it's impossible for anybody to catch up to Sarah. So we'll congratulate you right now. We do have one more round to play, obviously, but congratulations, Sarah.

[Big J Okerson]

Two times.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Two time. By the way, the first. The first ever, besides the host of the show, the first ever person to be a Story warrior more than one time, Saratoge.

[Jeff Dye]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Thank you, Saratoge. You just earned yourself an invite to the tournament of champions at Skank Fest. Guaranteed the most winningest Story Warrior, the most points in the history of story wars. This is crazy.

[Sarah Tolomach]

Can I use this as a credit? Yes, I can use it as a credit.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Two time story warning.

[Big J Okerson]

I think it works here, the stands and this club in Connecticut.

[Jeff Dye]

Can I at least borrow the book? Yes.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Yes.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah. If you use it as a credit, you have to say that you won Conversations with a Pedophile because they say that you're the winner and the champion of the book.

[Big J Okerson]

Not only did you win it, you get to drink in all the info. Where Dr. Zabin writes not only as a therapist, but also as someone who survived abuse herself. She explains the long term damage and the sorrow, slowly and sexily, that predators leave behind. While insisting that silence and denial only make children more vulnerable. This book's message is blunt. By facing the darkness directly, we have a chance to protect the next generation. Conversations with a Pedophile in the interest of our children. My doctor Amy Zay, just for the.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Shits and giggles, just for the fun, just for the show, Alex, let's do story number eight.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number eight. My grandmother once threw the family cat against a wall by its tail because it was in the crib with me as a baby. She believed that a cat would, quote, take a baby's breath away.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Isn't that the. Isn't that the plot to Stephen King's Cat's Eye?

[Big J Okerson]

Cat's eye. Yes, indeed it was. Keep this here for the minute. This is. I'm trying to think. Black grandmothers really believe in a lot of evil things that rhyme. Like. Like spooky stuff.

[Naim Ali]

Okay, now that's true. Yeah, that's true.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You can't say black mothers and spooky stuff in the same sentence.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you can't. As long as you say east up stuff.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I got it.

[Jeff Dye]

But wouldn't it be like auntie or something? Do they say grandmother?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's true.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, Alex may have. Alex may have cleaned that up because it may have been a very obvious thing.

[Naim Ali]

We say my mom. We say grandma.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I'm a mama.

[Naim Ali]

Don't say grandmother.

[Jeff Dye]

Right.

[Sarah Tolomach]

That's.

[Big J Okerson]

But in a story, I might put grandmother. I wouldn't put my mom. That's a giveaway for me.

[Naim Ali]

That's not me. But that's not. You know, it's not me. Cause I ain't never had no grandma. My grandma was dead when I was like, four.

[Big J Okerson]

Can I ask.

[Naim Ali]

My grandma been with.

[Jeff Dye]

But you'd have been a baby.

[Naim Ali]

I've been a grown man. I've been with a grown man.

[Big J Okerson]

He was 4, but she was 16.

[Sarah Tolomach]

Can I make an observation, though, please? I've never felt like black families were cat families.

[Naim Ali]

No, but. But my. My grand. My mom used to say that cats take your breath away. My mom, he just.

[Big J Okerson]

That's why we have all these pit bulls.

[Naim Ali]

My mom.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He just said grandma. I think that was a slip.

[Naim Ali]

No, no, it wasn't. No, my mom just. Oh, that's why my grandma was dead so early. My mom was 40 when I was born, so my grandma was dead early.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Why do I. Here. Can I tell? The only thing I. I'm. I. Maybe I'm misremembering. I. I kind of remember you telling me that your grandmother. Your grandmother told you about your father being arrested for murder or having to leave the state for murder when he was a kid.

[Naim Ali]

No, my uncle told me that. You think I met. You think I met my dad? Mom, that was 80s. That was 86 when he died. I Never. I never met him. I never met his mom. His mom was there before I was born.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Naim Ali]

I never met that lady.

[Big J Okerson]

Did she ever.

[Naim Ali]

I never had no grandma. I'm telling y'.

[Jeff Dye]

All.

[Naim Ali]

I'm not a grandma type of. You feel me?

[Big J Okerson]

I believe him because I want to believe him.

[Naim Ali]

I ain't that type of bro. I never had that type of guidance. You see what I'm saying, right? From a grandma. No, it's some of y' all in the crowd right now. You're gonna be like, I'm gonna see my grandma on Sunday.

[Jeff Dye]

Grow up.

[Naim Ali]

You a grown ass man. How you got a grandma? Grow the up you grown as.

[Big J Okerson]

I believe this could be something also that happened in South Africa. South Wakanda, wherever. The white neighborhood of Wakanda. South Wakanda.

[Naim Ali]

Well, you know what? I do think it's there. Sarah, cuz.

[Big J Okerson]

Cuz outside of Wakanda is the white part, ironically, did have a cat.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Take it.

[Naim Ali]

Take your breath away.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That'd be three stories for Sarah, which does happen rarely, but it could happen.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah. She's also got nothing to lose. That's why she was like, oh, hey, cats, you know, she didn't give a.

[Big J Okerson]

She goes, yeah, it's me. Yeah.

[Naim Ali]

What are you gonna do about it? Yeah, you know what? It is me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right. I'm gonna put my vote in. I mean, mean, I think.

[Naim Ali]

Damn it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You know what? Naim knows. Naim knows how to lie. I'm just thinking his name. I don't believe that. Naim did have a crib when he was a baby, but I think he's just Jeff. Where'd you grow up?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, you grew up in a small town? Kind of. Yeah. This could be some woodsy stuff, I thought.

[Jeff Dye]

No, if it was me, it would have said on a water bed, not a crib.

[Naim Ali]

Take your breath away, bro. You know what? It's just Jeff, bro.

[Jeff Dye]

Nope.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jeff votes for Sarah. Sarah votes for Sarah.

[Naim Ali]

If it's you, I'mma kill myself. I swear to God, I'mma walk outside and kill myself.

[Big J Okerson]

That's going to be my. And that's going to be my story I tell next week.

[Sarah Tolomach]

I put Naim.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All of her answers are in final story. Alex.

[Jeff Dye]

What?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Whose story was that?

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

The final story belongs to Jeff D. Yes.

[Naim Ali]

Hell yeah. Let's go. Hell yeah. Hell yeah, bro. Hell yeah. I knew you had a little bit of ghetto in you.

[Jeff Dye]

Oh, for sure. I knew it when I was trying to think of stories today. Like, I'm. Like, I can't think of anything. And, like, Eight came when I thought about my crazy grandma. Oh, dude, so many. I should probably save some of them just so the next time I do this I could also. She was just crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Like.

[Jeff Dye]

Like one time stabbed my dad's hand as he was reaching machine for like dinner because he didn't say grace.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jesus.

[Jeff Dye]

But that big thing went right through his hand.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Your grandmother was machete? Yeah.

[Jeff Dye]

She was nuts. Yeah, I guess I was a baby. So this is just a story my family always told us is like that she literally grabbed the cat by the tail and like slammed against the wall. Cat was not okay. And, and, and then she just kept defending herself. Like it takes a baby's breath away. And we're like, this lady's a curtain.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, Stephen King. Dr. Stephen King said it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Well, let's get our final. Our final scores. Alex, just to make it official, all.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Right, in very last place, with eight points, Lewis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

In fourth place with 14 points, Jeff Dye.

[Jeff Dye]

All right, it's my first time.

[Big J Okerson]

Good score.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Great showing.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

In third place with 15 points, Naim Ali. In second place with 16 points, Big J Okerson. And your official winner tonight with 22 points, the winningest guest in Story wars history, Sarah Tolomach.

[Big J Okerson]

First two time. First two time Story Warrior, Sarah Tolemach.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wow, what a show.

[Big J Okerson]

Congratulations. Thank you all for being here. How about a big round of applause for our entire panel? Jeff Dye. Check out last cowboy in LA on YouTube. Naim Ali. True. That podcast right here on Gas Digital. Sarah told about special butthole money on YouTube. And more importantly, our first ever two time story warrior. Thank you all so much for being here.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Thank you guys so much. We're here every Wednesday night at the New York Comedy Club in Gramercy. We'll check you next time.

[Big J Okerson]

Peace.

[Jeff Dye]

Sat.