064. Kerryn Feehan, Dan St. Germain, Louis Katz | Arguments

Summary

Story Warz, Episode 064: Kerryn Feehan, Dan St. Germain, Louis Katz | Arguments

Date: October 24, 2025
Host: GaS Digital Network (Big Jay Oakerson, Luis J. Gomez)
Guests: Kerryn Feehan, Dan St. Germain, Louis Katz
Location: The Stand Comedy Club, New York City

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Main Theme

This episode of Story Warz centers around the panelists’ true (and hopefully deceptive) stories of infamous "arguments." Comedians Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez compete against fellow comics Dan St. Germain, Louis Katz, and Kerryn Feehan, each submitting tales themed around personal disputes, then trying to guess whose story is whose. The show is a rambunctious contest of wits, roasting, and wild storytelling, all played out in front of a rowdy New York audience.

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Structure and Game Rules

• Each panelist submits 3-5 stories around the topic “arguments.”
• Producer (Alex) reads the stories aloud, anonymously.
• Other panelists must guess who wrote each story.
• Points awarded for correct guesses and for successfully deceiving others.
• For the second half, “double points” round increases the stakes.
• Winner receives an ever-ridiculous prize, tonight: Upper Westside Catholics, signed (inscribed: “To my dear friend Lisa…”).

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Key Moments & Discussion Points

1. Introductions and Riffs on the Crowd

• [02:02] Luis jokes about the ethnic makeup of the audience, singling out a lone Indian attendee:

  “I was gonna say it’s 100% white audience, then I looked right in this Indian guy's face. That was crazy, dude.” –Luis J. Gomez

• Jay welcomes newcomers and pokes fun at Luis' rare politeness.

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2. Story #1: “Screaming match with a father and son, saved by a waiter”

• [07:35]
  Initial guess is Dan St. Germain, based on his “problem drunk” persona.

• Louie accuses:

  “I could see it for some reason, especially with that jacket. He’s, like, yelling, you know, jacket style.” –Louie Katz ([08:01])

• [13:12] Dan admits it was his story, sharing wild details:

  • Drunk in Koreatown LA searching for coke, gets jumped by two cholos, rescued by a Korean BBQ waiter.

  “I went for the 7-11, and I ended up… these two cholos were there… I got you, dad, ‘cause he was the first one who started kicking me.” –Dan St. Germain ([15:47])

• Scores Update:

  Last: Big Jay (0 pts), 4th: Dan (1), Lead: Luis, Louie, Karen (2 each) ([17:07])

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3. Story #2: “Drunken argument with ex at a sporting event, both crying”

• [19:32] Karen considered the likely author due to her reputation:

  “This is too flowery of language… Like my assholes on the internet, you think I care somebody saw me fight at a game?” –Karen Feehan ([20:11])

• [24:49] Revealed as Luis J. Gomez’s story—an infamous UFC fight-night blowout with ex Kim Congdon:

  “She got in a fight with another guy, thought it was me… he spit in her face… I wasn’t fighting anyone, you crazy bitch… ran to the cops… they laughed in my face.” –Luis J. Gomez ([25:05–25:48])

• [26:36] Ralph Sutton witnessed the scene and called to tell Luis the next day.

• Scores Update:

  Last: Big Jay (0), 4th: Dan (1), 3rd: Louie (2), 2nd: Karen (4), Lead: Luis (5) ([27:02])

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4. Story #3: “Screaming match with therapist after emotional breakdown over session notes”

• [30:02]
  Comedy panel riffs:

  “This is Louis Katz. This is a Jew thing.” –Karen Feehan ([30:21])

• [36:17] Turns out Dan St. Germain again—anger erupts as the rules confusion continues, but he details:

  • Couldn’t afford sessions, wanted the “brain spotting” notes, therapist refused, angry confrontation ensued.

  “It was brain spotting… you look at one spot and think about trauma… I called him a sucker, then he started screaming, called me a… I was like, alright, this guy’s not a good therapist.” –Dan St. Germain ([37:16])

• Scores Update:

  Last: Big Jay (0), 4th: Louie (2), 3rd: Dan (4), 2nd: Luis (5), Lead: Karen (6) ([38:09])

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5. Story #4: “Comedian slaps me in the green room, so I ram their head into the wall until they apologize”

• [39:56] Panel debates who’s most likely to snap; suggestion it’s Louie Katz’s “secret psycho” side.

• [44:29] Louie admits the story:

  • Brent Weinbach slapped him after a prank, so Louie sought revenge at a different comedy club, demanded apology, and whacked Weinbach’s head against the wall until he relented.

  “I just punched him in the face—he goes, ‘You didn’t even say let’s fight first.’” –Louie Katz ([45:53]) “Sometimes violence is the answer.” –Louie Katz ([46:32])

• Scores Update:

  Last: Jay (2), 4th: Louie (3), 3rd: Luis (5), 2nd: Dan (6), Lead: Karen (8) ([47:07])

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6. Story #5: “Major argument with SO at an amusement park; only happy on rides”

• [53:40] Jay teases Lewis as the likely candidate; much heckling about who loves theme parks and public fights.

• [59:46] Revealed as Big Jay Okerson’s story:

  • He and Christine (his girlfriend) argued all day at Universal Studios’ Halloween event, only enjoying the rides or a surprise Jabbawockeez show.

  “We were not talking. Walking through haunted houses… even the Jack Nicholson at me with a chainsaw had no effect.” –Jay ([60:45])

• Scores Update:

  Last: Louie (3), tied 3rd: Big Jay & Dan (6), 2nd: Luis (9), Lead: Karen (12) ([63:13])

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7. Story #6: “Broke into neighbor’s apartment, almost got caught, ended up fighting two women”

• [66:16] Karen is accused due to wild party-girl past; all assume it’s her, but [72:16] Alex reveals—Big Jay again!

• Jay recounts:

  • Illegal eviction drama in Queens; he and Nate Bargatze’s wife broke into the landlord’s illegal basement for evidence; caught by the landlord’s mother and daughter, led to a bizarre street brawl.

  “The girl… almost like on an honor patch, she grabbed my sweatshirt and ripped it. This 70-year-old grandmother ripped my shirt.” –Jay ([76:27]) “…Me and Laura Bargatze went back-to-back like a John Woo movie…” ([76:44])

• Scores Update:

  Last: Louie (3), 4th: Dan (6), 3rd: Luis (9), 2nd: Karen (12), Lead: Jay (14) ([78:34])

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8. Story #7: “Booger revenge: After a parking spot argument, I put my boogers under the other car’s door handle”

• [79:21]
  Extreme disgust on the panel.

• [87:04] Luis J. Gomez owns it:

  • Recent incident; pissing contest with a woman over a CVS parking spot; exacted retaliation the only way he knew how.

  “I dug every booger that I could get out of my nose. There’s not much more to it.” –Luis J. Gomez ([87:04])

• Scores Update:

  Last: Louie (7), 4th: Dan (10), 3rd: Karen (12), 2nd: Luis (13), Lead: Jay (14) ([89:13])

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9. Story #8: “Caught in the middle of a beef between rival capoeira guys”

• [92:59] Most believe it’s Louie Katz due to his San Francisco and world-traveling comic reputation.

• [98:35] It is indeed Louie:

  • In Brazil, camping with capoeiristas, he’s swept up in a dancing martial-arts gang beef on an island.

  “I was in Brazil… I guess they have rival capoeira gangs, which I didn’t even know…and I just—one of them got in a fight, runs down the jungle path, jump kicks the other guy…” –Louis Katz ([99:58–101:09])

• Final Scores:

  Last: Dan (10), 3rd (tie): Luis & Louie (13), 2nd: Jay (14), WINNER: Karen (16) ([102:06])

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Notable Quotes & Banter

• [09:11] Luis:

  “Oh, that was a Jewish joke. You guys heard that?”

• [24:27] Jay:

  “I would have heard the story of the one time I have.”

• [31:10] Jay:

  “I went once or twice and I was like, this is gay.” (on therapy)

• [46:32] Louie Katz:

  “Sometimes violence is the answer.”

• [56:45] Luis (to Louie):

  “Louie, have you ever gone to an amusement park with your boyfriend?”

• [64:57] Jay (on sponsor ad):

  “It’s made with mandelic acid, which sounds a fake thing…now featuring Guy Juice.”

• [73:33] Jay:

  “…Me and Laura Bargatze, Nate Bargatze’s wife, went back-to-back like a John Woo movie. Dove, shot out, and then me and her fought these two Asian ladies.”

• [87:04] Luis:

  “I dug every booger that I could get out of my nose…”

• [96:44] Jay:

  “Yeah, he told you, ‘hey guys, stop gangbanging and do dancing gay karate.’”

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Final Moments & Winner’s Circle

• [102:21] Karen is gleefully stunned to win her first Story Warz, as the panel and crowd erupt.
• [103:15] Jay honors her:

  “Everybody, welcome your newest Story Warrior, Karen Feehan.”

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Standout Bits and Tone

• Energy: The episode is raucous and insult-laden, with constant jokes about gender, ethnicity, and each other’s dark personal failings.
• Quotes: Panelists riff off each other:
  “This is a Jew thing.” —Karen ([30:21])
  “Favorite meat? My favorite cured meat.” —Jay ([32:32])
  “You shaved your head. You were sud me to jail.” —Jay ([68:53])
  “Hand turkey!” (running gag for “worthy” jokes)
• Game Play: Several guests are confused by the rules, especially around voting and admitting stories, which itself becomes a recurring punchline.
• Audience Participation: Live audience responds boisterously, manipulated for laughs.

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Important Timestamps

• [07:35]: Story 1 read and discussed
• [13:12]: Dan admits story 1 (father/son fight)
• [19:32]: Story 2 read and discussed
• [24:49]: Luis reveals UFC breakup story
• [30:02]: Story 3 read and discussed
• [36:17]: Dan admits therapist fight
• [39:56]: Story 4 read and discussed
• [44:29]: Louie admits comic head-ramming story
• [53:40]: Story 5 (amusement park fight)
• [59:46]: Jay reveals amusement park argument
• [66:16]: Story 6 (break-in & fight)
• [72:16]: Jay reveals landlord street brawl
• [79:21]: Story 7 (parking spot booger revenge)
• [87:04]: Luis admits booger handle
• [92:59]: Story 8 (capoeira beef)
• [98:35]: Louie reveals capoeira street fight

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Wrap-up

Karen Feehan’s underdog victory, after years of defeat on Story Warz, was a crowd-pleasing payoff to an episode packed with self-deprecating humor, comic violence, therapy horror stories, and one of the grossest acts of revenge ever described on a podcast.

This was classic Story Warz: combative, filthy, and very, very funny.

Transcript

[Luis J. Gomez]

Skank Fest New Orleans is happening November 14th through 16th. Get your tickets right now. There's only individual day passes left. All access is sold out. VIP is sold out. It is the largest lineup we've ever had. Favorites like Tim Dillon, Shane Gillis, Nick Mullen, Joe List, Robert Kelly, Sam Hyde, obviously the Legion of Skanks and many, many more. Over 150 comedians, six stages, three full days of comedy, fighting, music and everything else you love about Skank fest. Go to skankfest.com right now and grab your single day passes. Hey, Story Warriors. Before we start the show, I want to let you know that we have some brand new [e-mail] the website's up and running and everything is in stock, including the logo shirt, the Story warriors shirt, and of course, our very, very popular double point shirt.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Jay]

We got some more hoodies coming soon to get ready for the fall. Do not forget, we're doing a special meet and greet at Skank Fest exclusively for fans who come in their official merch. So do not delay. Head on over to StoryWarSmerch.com to get your gear and rep the show you love.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What's going on, Story Warriors? If you love Story wars and you want to be a part of the live audience, come out to the New York Comedy Club every Wednesday night at 7:45pm to be a part of the show.

[Jay]

Don't be a piece of. Just get your tickets and come. It's fun. Buck face.

[Luis J. Gomez]

New yorkcomedyclub.com.

[Louie Katz]

Fill her up.

[Dan St. Germain]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Story wars with the Story Warriors, Mick J. Okerson and Lewis J. Goan.

[Jay]

What's up, everybody? Welcome to Story wars at our new home, the New York Comedy Club, right here in New York. Make some fucking noise for me, would you, please?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Let's go. Look at this crowd. Look at this crowd. I was gonna say it's 100% white audience, and then I looked right in this Indian guy's face. That was crazy, dude.

[Jay]

That guy's Indian, huh?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think so.

[Jay]

He's so Indian.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Shouldn't you be at the Riyadh Comedy Festival right now? Sir, I don't know much about cultures.

[Jay]

But welcome to the show. We always ask this before each show every week. How many people here familiar with the Game wars.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And how many people are not familiar with the game Story Wars? Okay, all right. It's okay. Few people. Brand new. Brand new people. You're going to have a great time tonight. I Promise you that much.

[Jay]

Wow, that was very nice of you. Usually you'd be like, you dumb piece of. For not knowing that was nice.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm trying to turn a new corner. I yelled at Jake on the way in here.

[Jay]

It was unnecessary. And now those people get your politeness based off of that. That's good.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Now you guys made me feel better. I apologized to Jake as I walked in. Like, should have, like a apologize to Jake. It was great. Oh, it's making me furious right now.

[Jay]

I mean, you can get remanded. That's fine.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, my God.

[Jay]

But just not initially mad. It's a very, very simple game that we'll explain to you guys if you're unfamiliar after we get our amazing panel up here. Our panel tonight starts with a very funny comedian. He's got a special. The best comedian you've never heard of available right now on YouTube. Make some noise for the hilarious Louie Katz.

[Louie Katz]

Thank you.

[Jay]

Well, Louie, I see you have the merch from the Riyadh Comedy Festival. So how was it? Was it as nice as they say it was?

[Louie Katz]

This is actually my friend's food brand, so that's what I'm trying to promote.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Our next competitor on Story War is also making his Story wars debut on tour right now, traveling all over this great nation. You can get a tickets at Punchup Live. Clap it up as loud as can for Dan Saint Germain.

[Dan St. Germain]

DSG, DSG.

[Luis J. Gomez]

DSG.

[Jay]

DSG. Appreciate you coming straight from a comedian from the 80s funeral.

[Dan St. Germain]

I miss Richard Jenny so much, man.

[Jay]

Too young.

[Dan St. Germain]

Too young. Thank you guys for having me.

[Jay]

Absolutely. Our third guest on the panel, last but not least, you know her from our podcast Only Feehands, and from Netflix's Tires, make some noise for the lovely and hilarious Karen Feehan.

[Karen Feehan]

Hi, guys.

[Jay]

Thank you all three for joining us. Now to the business. If it is your first time here at Story wars or your first time listening at home, it's a very, very simple game. All of us on this panel, all five of us, including Lewis and myself, have submitted five, three to five stories on one particular topic. Tonight's topic, arguments. Alex, our lovely producer, is gonna read those stories off one at a time. Eight of them, in fact. And if it is your story, you're the only person who knows that. So it's your job to fool everybody else that it is not your story. If it's not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.

[Luis J. Gomez]

For every time you guess the story correctly, you get two points. And every person you fool on the panel, you get one point. So if it's your story, you have an opportunity to make four points in that round. It's a very, very big opportunity. Once you write your name and your vote on the dry race board, put it in this little slot right here, and remove your hand. That is it. You cannot change your answer. That's your final answer. And I'll tell you right now, this is a lot of fun. Those people in the back who've never been here, I love you guys, but you know what? We're not playing for fun. Jay, let them know what we're playing for.

[Jay]

Every week here on Story wars, we are competing for a book from the Story wars library. Tonight's winner goes home with Upper Westside Catholics. By Thomas J. Shelley. Upper west side Catholics is a captivating study of a distinctive Catholic church on the Upper west side of Manhattan, an area long noted for its liberal Catholic sympathies. The author traces this liberal Catholic dimension of Upper west side Catholics to a long line of progressive priests that stretches back to the Civil War era. The book casts a renewed light on their legacy, liturgical reform and concern for social justice. Winner takes that home.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And I'll tell you right now, this is. It's a rarity that this happens, but the author, Thomas J. Shelley, signed the book right here on the inside copy, and it says, and I quote, to my dear friend Lisa, with the greatest respect and admiration, Tom Shelley.

[Jay]

Wow. Oh, my God. In 2019, he gave this to her. By 2025, she already just threw it out. This just happened into our lives. We don't know fucking the girl or him.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's a big deal. Very rarely do we give away signed books.

[Jay]

So it's a very, very big deal. So I think everybody who understands the game understands it. So I think, are we ready for war?

[Dan St. Germain]

New York City.

[Jay]

Are we ready for war? And with no further ado, Alex, if you would, Story number one.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number one. I got into a screaming match with a father and son who beat me up before I was saved by a waiter.

[Louie Katz]

Saint Germain. Easy.

[Jay]

Really?

[Louie Katz]

Oh, yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Why do you say Saint Germain?

[Louie Katz]

There's food.

[Jay]

Oh, yeah. It was a restaurant. Really? A restaurant. Okay.

[Louie Katz]

And I just. I could see it for some reason. I can really picture it in my mind, especially with that jacket. He's, like, yelling, you know, jacket style.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Louie Katz]

You know what I mean?

[Luis J. Gomez]

A father and son fighting a father and son combo does sound like you.

[Jay]

Your future at some point.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, it sounds like somebody who's had, you know, a little bit too much to drink in St. Germaine used to have quite the drinking problem. I don't know if he does anymore.

[Dan St. Germain]

I just don't know. It could be me or Karen.

[Jay]

Do you know what I mean?

[Dan St. Germain]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

If it said I.

[Jay]

If it.

[Dan St. Germain]

We both look like we're like, passing out chips.

[Luis J. Gomez]

If it says if she got into a screaming match with a father and son who I. Then I would believe it was Karen.

[Jay]

But this says before a waiter came. And me, too.

[Karen Feehan]

I'm so hot in this one.

[Jay]

Yeah. This could be a drunk dsg. This could be a drunk dsg. I don't see. Are you a problem drunk ever, Louie?

[Louie Katz]

No, I'm a great drunk. Yeah, One of the best.

[Dan St. Germain]

Maybe suspicious. That sounds suspicious.

[Jay]

Lewis wouldn't tell a story about being saved by a waiter.

[Karen Feehan]

No, he wouldn't admit to it. Louie does look like he could get beaten up by a father and son.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Louie Katz]

Yeah.

[Dan St. Germain]

It's a little on the nose if it's us.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, that was a Jewish joke. You guys heard that?

[Dan St. Germain]

God damn it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

On the nose. Okay. I get it.

[Jay]

On this Rash Hashanah.

[Louie Katz]

I mean, just the beat me up part. You know what I mean? I feel like, Louis, you're taking them both out.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah.

[Louie Katz]

I feel like they wouldn't beat you. They're not going to beat you. A father and son beat you.

[Jay]

What did she do?

[Louie Katz]

Is destroying you.

[Jay]

How was she. What was she dressed like?

[Karen Feehan]

It could be. It could be a euphemism.

[Louie Katz]

Oh, they beat that up. Sorry.

[Karen Feehan]

Whoa, Louie. Oh, my God.

[Jay]

What? That's a euphemism.

[Louie Katz]

Is this a family podcast?

[Jay]

No, that was perfect.

[Dan St. Germain]

It is now.

[Karen Feehan]

It's Louie. He's a rapist dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jesus.

[Dan St. Germain]

That was the most casual me too, I've ever heard. He's a predator.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Every Louie in comedy is kind of.

[Karen Feehan]

A problem in this story, which could be decades ago. You know what I mean? Double jeopardy, whatever. It doesn't matter.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, there is. There is a statute of limitations on rape.

[Dan St. Germain]

Jay has gotten fucked up. I mean, you get fucked up. I know you've gotten drunk. I would make the. I just sound already like a public defender. Come on. We all enjoy getting drunk, right?

[Jay]

I've never. I think, Louis, you could attest to this, though. You've seen me drunk plenty of times. We'll be considered drunk. I've never been like a pro. I'm end up in a thing because I would almost. I steer clear of problems if I'm drunk because I'm. I'm. I keep that awareness that it's like, well, I'm Drunk. So I'm either wrong or I'm in no position to, like, win a fight in any way.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. But the other thing is that the story, you know, we sort of just threw it as a drunk problem. It sounds like a drunk. It says nothing about being drunk.

[Louie Katz]

No, nothing.

[Jay]

No, no.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I know. It's stone cold. So we're getting your ass beat by a father son combo and then saved by a waiter who you fell in love.

[Jay]

We did all fall into the drunk thing when Louis said it first about Dan St. Germain, so.

[Louie Katz]

But I feel like then he's throwing around trying to deflect, but I feel.

[Dan St. Germain]

Like if it was. I feel like if it was. So if this happened sober, it, like he would have deserved it more than if a father and son beat you up sober. There's a reason.

[Jay]

Yeah, you did something. You the. You the daughter.

[Dan St. Germain]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Louie Katz]

Scream. I mean, we don't even.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Karen fan is the first one to throw out a vote. DSG, Dan St. Germaine, is your vote officially. Why is that your vote, Karen?

[Karen Feehan]

He's sweating.

[Dan St. Germain]

That's. That's a terrible way to determine this. He's could just be having his stroke.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Each story is going to be progressively more his.

[Karen Feehan]

I'm going to put plus mark. I'm going to put plus marks after his name.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Look, I'll vote second. I think I also agree with Karen that my first instinct. And I'm going to go tonight, throughout the entire show, I'm going with my first instinct. I'm not going to let any of you guys deter my instincts. Dan St. Germain, problem drunk, kind of a pussy, loves food. I just don't see it being anybody else on this panel. Dsg it is.

[Louie Katz]

I'm putting it down. I mean, I called it.

[Jay]

You know what?

[Louie Katz]

Put it up there.

[Jay]

Oh, I'm gonna go.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I thought you were spelling my name wrong. I was furious.

[Jay]

I'm gonna go with Louis J. Gomez. No, this is. I'm going. Louis Katz. I think he threw right away to Dan St. Germain.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He was the first person to talk, which is rare for a story wars.

[Jay]

Competitor, where he jumped right away. He's like, this is Dan. No problem. Simple to throw a little deflection right away and then it's drunk. And that took me completely. I just pictures as a drunk story. It was a fantastic play. And if it is you, you've done fantastic this round, but it's you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, this is. This could have easily happened outside of.

[Jay]

The synagogue, but Dan hasn't voted yet.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So it's probably Dan I've never been to a synagogue. I'm assuming it's the nicest restaurant you could possibly go to. Oh, my God.

[Jay]

Dan hasn't voted yet, though. I realize, so it's probably yes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, he's drunk right now.

[Jay]

I wish.

[Dan St. Germain]

Man.

[Karen Feehan]

Dan, who do you think it is?

[Dan St. Germain]

It was me. It was me. I'm supposed to admit it, right?

[Luis J. Gomez]

No.

[Jay]

I thought.

[Dan St. Germain]

I thought it's like, at the end, you don't vote.

[Jay]

I don't understand.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Couldn't have made it any more clear. I gave them a breakdown of the rules. We send them a little video. Now, luckily, you're the last one to vote.

[Dan St. Germain]

Well, that's why I felt like you have to not vote always.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, no.

[Jay]

What.

[Dan St. Germain]

What if it wasn't me? What if I did?

[Jay]

Listen, the person doesn't vote. You thought so. You thought eventually the end is gonna come in to two people is definitely one of them. I'll be honest, when I'm saying it out loud, there's something there, but that's not how we play.

[Dan St. Germain]

This is going way worse than my WNBA draft.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, I mean, I guess. Alex, all of our answers are in dsg. From now on, just write a name down. Even if it's you, just don't write your own name down. As I explained very clearly in the back.

[Dan St. Germain]

Yeah, now I get it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yep.

[Dan St. Germain]

But I was failing for everyone.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's okay. Don't worry about. We all voted. This is good. Alex, make it official.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number one belongs to Dan St. Germain.

[Jay]

True. Man, that was a really. That wasn't a bad way to find out you were right. But it was a crushing way to find out I was wrong. I put it in, I looked over and I go, why is Dan not voted yet? I gave that whole speech.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Dan, talk to us. What happened here? Where was this at?

[Jay]

It was in.

[Dan St. Germain]

Was in Koreatown. And were you hammered in Los Angeles? Yeah, of course I was hammered. And then I did that Sanford and Son club that weekend, which you guys have probably all done. But, yeah, I was. I googled where's the best coke in la. That's how drunk I was.

[Jay]

You Googled it?

[Dan St. Germain]

Yeah, I googled it. And then, like, somebody on Yelp Road, Koreatown, and I got there.

[Jay]

That's more.

[Dan St. Germain]

I just went to a Korean barbecue.

[Jay]

It's more of a question for Bing.

[Dan St. Germain]

Yeah, it's an Ask Jeeves move, but, yeah. No, I went to a Korean barbecue.

[Louie Katz]

Restaurant looking for Coke.

[Dan St. Germain]

Well, no, I couldn't find coke, so I went to a Korean barbecue. I call those nights a Real belushi.

[Louie Katz]

I mean, really, it's like you'd have.

[Jay]

Spicy food and you just want to feel something. Yeah.

[Louie Katz]

You could either eat everything or nothing. That's such a weird mix.

[Dan St. Germain]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Dan has the habits of, like, the most successful comedian ever with no success.

[Dan St. Germain]

And I went to. I. I started walking. I. I went for the 7 11, and I ended up. I tripped. And then these two cholos were there, and they started talking. I said, yeah, I heard that. I mean, I. I got you, dad. Because he was the first one who started kicking me.

[Louie Katz]

I got you, Dad.

[Dan St. Germain]

I got you, dad.

[Louie Katz]

That could be a boyfriend and a partner.

[Jay]

Oh, I know. The weirdest thing about Daddy.

[Louie Katz]

Yeah, I got you, Daddy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You got beat up by two homosexual.

[Jay]

Mexicans, by the way. If you weren't drunk, you think. You realize they were just two Koreans.

[Dan St. Germain]

It was. No, there wasn't there.

[Jay]

The.

[Dan St. Germain]

The waiter.

[Jay]

We go chop chop on you, cholos. The.

[Dan St. Germain]

The. The waiter from that Korean barbecue place that night saved me. And then.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Dan St. Germain]

I mean, I. I wish I could.

[Jay]

See you trying to get crazy with essay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Don't you know?

[Jay]

I'm Rocco.

[Dan St. Germain]

I wish I could say it changed my life, but, like, I got out of rehab a year ago, so. It didn't. This was 10 years ago, but I wish.

[Jay]

But this is the last time you got jumped by fucking cholos in Koreatown.

[Dan St. Germain]

That is true. Thank you. Been over 10 years since I've been beaten up by cholos.

[Jay]

We like our stories to end good here. Happy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Great story. Great story, Dan. Sandra, Maine, you did pick up a couple points there. Alex, can you give us our official scores after one round?

[Alex (Producer)]

All right, on the scoreboard, in Last place, with 0 points, Big J Okerson. In fourth place, with 1 point, Dan St. Germain.

[Dan St. Germain]

Oh, all right.

[Louie Katz]

How does he get a point? He didn't even play the game.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He tricked one person. He tricked Big JJ. You get one point for every person, you fool. This is the fourth time I've said this to Louis. I can't explain it anymore.

[Jay]

All five of us have submitted stories, even me and Louis.

[Alex (Producer)]

And tied for the lead with two points each, Louis J. Gomez, Louie Katz, and Karen Fijero.

[Jay]

God damn it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, story warriors, let's take a quick moment to thank our brand new sponsor, which is Harry's. You've heard of Harry's. They've been around for a long time. Very popular razors. I love Harry's. There's hundreds of razor blades out there, so it can be very hard to find the one that works for you. And fortunately, Harry's is here to help you find the perfect shave at an amazing price. Ditch the blades, expensive refills and bumpy skin. With Harry's, you get the barbershop quality shave with engineered blades that are honed at three different angles that cut the hair cleanly at the root with no tugging at all. Harry's world class factory in Germany has been perfect in the craft for over 100 years. They control the entire process from steel to shelf, which means no middlemen and low cost blades that outperform the most expensive ones that are out there. Genuinely, they feel great. And people that you've heard of Harry's for a reason. People love Harry's for a reason. Yeah, they genuinely. That's the only razor blade that I use now, so they just sent me an entire kit. I was already buying Harry's. I buy them at cvs. They have them there as well.

[Jay]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't just make razors either. They have a full line of grooming stuff. They have shave gel, deodorant, body wash, all thoughtfully made, price to stock up on and ready to be delivered right to your door. And for a limited time, Story wars fans can get the Harry's plus trial set for only 10 bucks. That is a very, very good deal. It's a very nice razor. The set includes his Harry plus razor, one refined five blade cartridge and a two ounce foaming shave gel and a travel cover to protect your blades. On the go, just head to Harry's.com H A R R Y-S Harry's.com WarsWithAZ after you purchase, they're going to ask you where you heard about them. Support the show. Make sure you tell them Story War sent you one more time. That's Harry's.com wars and it helps us out over here. And then, yeah, enjoy your bald face. Jerk off. Where were we? Alex? Story number two.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number two. I once got into a drunken argument with my ex at a sporting event. We were both screaming at each other and crying. The next morning I got a call from a close friend saying they witnessed the whole thing.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, this sounds like a woman's story. Well, yeah, so it must be big J, Karen. I dated Karen. And Karen's an actual real problem. And she used to have, she used to have a major drinking problem.

[Karen Feehan]

This is too flowery of language. And like this is like this person's embarrassed because somebody saw them fighting like my assholes on the Internet. You think I care? Somebody saw me get in a fight at a game that's like a gay thing to say. It's either Louis or Louie.

[Jay]

Well, this could be Louis, but Louis doesn't go to sporting events at all. And like, ever. I mean, I have been UFCs, but I mean, like, yeah, like you go with me to a couple things, but like, you're not like, you and your chick wouldn't go to a sporting event. You've never dated a girl that would give a fuck to go to sporting events.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, I took a girl on a date to a basketball game once, but I didn't know her. We didn't scream and cry at each other.

[Jay]

That'd be hilarious if you did. I don't want to be here. I hate sports.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But Big J, Big J has gotten in some pretty drag out fights.

[Jay]

Never gotten drunk at a sporting event, though.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you have. You get drunk. You're an alcoholic.

[Jay]

What?

[Luis J. Gomez]

You get drunk in every sporting event.

[Alex (Producer)]

Chill.

[Jay]

I almost. I don't know if I really drank at all much ever at a sporting event.

[Karen Feehan]

I can't see Big J getting it. Let me read it again.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, this is Karen fucking lying Karen's game right now. Let me. The. Let me read it again. Was the biggest fucking tell.

[Karen Feehan]

I don't have my glasses. I don't have my.

[Dan St. Germain]

You acted like you had a monocle on you. Like when you went deep in.

[Jay]

I'll go early on this one. I mean, Karen, that was a hard sell. She went. Let me thumb through this and see if I see Jay in there.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Number one. This sounds like a woman's story number too. You used to be like a problem drunk and used to get into like dry. The reason you stopped drinking was because you had public intoxication events.

[Louie Katz]

But we have two people like that here.

[Jay]

No, I was going to say there is now just, you know, it is very random. It can be Dan again.

[Karen Feehan]

Can be a double header.

[Jay]

It could be back to back Dan without a doubt. That's not a thing you have to worry about.

[Karen Feehan]

But if you double guess yourself, you get double points.

[Jay]

Okay. And I'm a little. I'm a little nervous that I voted so early because now I'm worried this. Because you do like sports, Dan.

[Dan St. Germain]

I do like sports. Yeah.

[Louie Katz]

Who doesn't like sports? I like sports. I'm always going to sports.

[Jay]

Why did I not think you didn't? I thought you didn't.

[Dan St. Germain]

You like sports?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Barely anymore.

[Louie Katz]

I'm a huge sports guy.

[Jay]

I up there. Maybe this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Louis, are you a big sports guy?

[Louie Katz]

Huge.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Did you ever drink a lot at.

[Louie Katz]

One point in your Life drink. I go to the ball game.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Louie, you know you're supposed to pretend it's not you. Oh, or it is you. Did we not explain this clearly to our panelists?

[Jay]

He's playing fantastically or terribly. It has to let it unfold.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm still getting Karen fan vibes here.

[Karen Feehan]

I'm trying to picture, like, Lou, like, out on a date with, like, a chick at, like, hockey game, maybe something.

[Louie Katz]

Yeah, I catch the puck. I have a baboon heart. Anybody seen that?

[Jay]

Yeah, dude, that was untamed heart.

[Louie Katz]

Yeah, very old reference.

[Jay]

Yeah, dude, Christian Slater had a monkey heart, but I think he just had a bad heart and he died. I think his mom told me to monkey heart. And then she died before he was able to find out that he didn't, in fact, have a monkey heart. He just had a bad heart. And then he thought his monkey heart went on him, but it was just his heart went bad again.

[Dan St. Germain]

They took the one interesting part of the movie away.

[Jay]

I know at the very end, it was really sold to me that I was gonna watch a movie about a guy with a monkey heart.

[Louie Katz]

I love how I clearly made a reference to a movie no one heard of, and you just kept explaining it and it just.

[Jay]

Christian Slater.

[Dan St. Germain]

It does also sound like a Rob Schneider movie.

[Jay]

It depends. Whichever music you use for the trailer makes a difference there. What happens when a boy with a monkey heart has to open that monkey heart for love?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Karen Fann is my vote. She's a drunken psycho. I experienced it firsthand many a times. Karen, you're not voting for me. That's crazy.

[Karen Feehan]

What do you mean? All right, I think you're proud of this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

How I know it's Karen even more because she knows this is not me.

[Jay]

I mean, I would have heard the story of the one time I have.

[Dan St. Germain]

Monkey heart handwriting for sure.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I realized that you guys have the exact same handwriting. Dancing Jermaine and Louie.

[Jay]

Seriously?

[Louie Katz]

Wow, that is kind of weird.

[Dan St. Germain]

Do you want to kiss right now?

[Louie Katz]

Kind of.

[Jay]

So who really wrote Superior Donuts?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex, all of our answers are in. Who does story number two belong to?

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number two belongs to you, Louis J. Gomez.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Damn it.

[Jay]

What do you consider a sporting event? Medieval times or something?

[Luis J. Gomez]

This was a UFC event. This was at. In Brooklyn at Barclays Center. It was me when I was dating Kim Congdon. We both got hammered and we got into a full fledged drag out crazy fight. She. She disappeared at one point and she got into a fight with another guy who she thought was me, and he spit in her face. And then she came back and she was like, you gotta go fight that guy. I was like, I'm not fighting anyone, you fucking crazy bitch. And then we started screaming at each other. And, like, the fight rolled all the way outside. We're screaming at it. We're both crying and just yelling. I ran to the cops and I was like, please get her away from me. They laughed in my face. The cops.

[Jay]

Cause you were bawling and pointing at a tiny woman saying, get her off of me, please.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The cops wouldn't help me. I was like, please. She won't stop following me. And she's like, run, fat nigga, run. So this is all true. And then the next morning, her words.

[Jay]

It was a quote.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was a quote. Then the next morning, Ralph Sutton, my business partner at Gas Digital, Gomez and Sutton called me up. He was like. So I was. Was sitting in traffic with a date, watching you and Kim Congdon have a drag out fight outside of the Barclays Center. And that was it. That's the moment I knew she was my soulmate.

[Dan St. Germain]

Beautiful.

[Louie Katz]

What. What got you to the point of crying?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Just. Have you ever been attacked by a Puerto Rican woman? It's terrifying and hot.

[Louie Katz]

Yeah, it sounds kind of hot.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. So that was it. Alex, where our points at?

[Alex (Producer)]

All right. In last place with zero points, Big J. Okerson.

[Karen Feehan]

Ivan Napkin.

[Alex (Producer)]

In fourth place with one point, Dan St. Germain.

[Dan St. Germain]

Yeah, that's. This has been my plan the whole time.

[Alex (Producer)]

In third place with two points, Louie Katz.

[Louie Katz]

Thank you. Not bad.

[Alex (Producer)]

In second place with four points, Karen Feehan. And in the lead with five points, Luis J. Gomez.

[Louie Katz]

Wow.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Five points. Like a pentagram. Hail Satan.

[Karen Feehan]

I feel like I should have gotten more points that time.

[Jay]

Time.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, you get two points for guessing.

[Karen Feehan]

Correctly, but other people guess me, but they were wrong.

[Jay]

You've played this game four times.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And we explained it five more times out there in the hallway.

[Karen Feehan]

Why do you guys think I deserve points?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Look, nobody. That's just these two dumb women being like, yeah, Come on. Yeah. Yeah.

[Jay]

God damn it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Okay, let's take a quick moment to thank Body Brain Coffee, which is, truthfully speaking, my coffee brand that I created to help me boost my testosterone naturally and support my brain function. Jay, I know you're not a big coffee drinker and you should be happy to know that we actually have a creamer coming out very soon. We're in development on the creamer drink. Straight up creamer.

[Jay]

I will. You think I won't? Straight up creamer.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Creamer.

[Jay]

Me and. Me and Bobby were giving you a Good. This is all, this is a good endorsement. We were giving you a good off mic trashing at bonfire. It was during a commercial. We were giving you a good beating. And then Bobby took a sip of that body brain and he said, la goes. How do you bring. God damn it. It's good though. And Christine was like, it is good. It is good coffee. When you're catching a beaten, no one holds it against your coffee.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, I'll tell you right now, the coffee is genuinely just a great product. People really seem to love it. It's only five ingredients. Colombian freeze dried coffee plus Tonga Ali, ashwagandha, lion's mane and L. The it naturally supports testosterone and brain function, memory. It'll really make you just feel great after you drink it. And it tastes as well.

[Jay]

Yeah. With all the stuff in it, you assume it's going to suffer in taste. That's what I find is surprising from what everybody says. No one's like, no, it makes me feel good. But like, you know, it's like getting down medicine a little bit.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They're like, no, no, no.

[Jay]

Everyone says I'm about the taste. I haven't even heard anybody be like, I'm lifting better. My chest hair is coming in thicker.

[Luis J. Gomez]

My balls have dropped. My voice is deeper.

[Jay]

My balls are enormous.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I have one eyebrow now. It's pretty sick.

[Jay]

Can't stop coming. I'm non stop.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, listen, I'll tell you right now, go give it a try whether you like it hot, cold, you can mix it into a protein shake however you like.

[Jay]

Your back, on your tits, on your face coffee.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Bodybringcoffee.com is the website. Use the promo code War25. War25. You can get 25% off your entire order today. You guys stock up for the holidays. And I'll tell you right now, we're, we're, that's going away right after October. The 25 discount is going away. So now is the time to use it. It promo code [e-mail]. all right, where were we?

[Jay]

Alex, story number three.

[Alex (Producer)]

Sorry, story number three.

[Karen Feehan]

Sorry.

[Alex (Producer)]

I got into a screaming match with a therapist after an emotional breakdown because he wouldn't give me the session notes.

[Jay]

All right, is this not Karen? Is this not Karen?

[Karen Feehan]

No, no, no way. That's me. I'm Irish. We don't believe in therapy. This is Louis Katz. This is a Jew thing.

[Alex (Producer)]

This is.

[Karen Feehan]

This is like Woody Allen. Like, lay down, talk about my mom, talk about the little girls I like. Whatever, whatever.

[Dan St. Germain]

Either you're really right or really anti Semitic.

[Karen Feehan]

I'm just trying to get some juice.

[Louie Katz]

I think it's clearly St. Germain.

[Jay]

Me.

[Louie Katz]

I can see it again. I can picture it. The screaming.

[Dan St. Germain]

You didn't say that. One is quick this time. No, it's a. It's a. It's a therapist story. And we're all comedians.

[Jay]

Who.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Who is.

[Dan St. Germain]

Think we're tortured.

[Louie Katz]

Never seen a therapist.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We've all seen. You've never seen a therapist. That's.

[Dan St. Germain]

You've never seen a therapist.

[Karen Feehan]

You guys are gay. You guys are gay.

[Jay]

I'm with you. I'm with you. Three times I was convinced to go. I went once or twice and I was like, this is gay.

[Karen Feehan]

Whatever.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jay went to. I remember when you went to therapy. Jay went to two sessions and he was like, I'm fixed.

[Jay]

Yeah, I got it sorted out.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's not Jay. Definitely not Jay. It's not. I believe Karen's never been to therapy. This is making a lot of sense right now.

[Dan St. Germain]

Never been to that. You've never been to therapy?

[Karen Feehan]

No, no.

[Louie Katz]

That's.

[Dan St. Germain]

That seems like. I wish you had a time machine.

[Karen Feehan]

We wish that. I wish that, too. Every day.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I feel like dancing. Jermaine's instincts here might be correct. Louie. Cats. Or. I'm sorry, Karen's instincts might be correct. Louie. This is. This is kind of screaming Jew lying down on a couch.

[Louie Katz]

Screaming. He's screaming.

[Karen Feehan]

Maybe not into a screaming match. A match of screams. Like, it's very dramatic.

[Louie Katz]

Match of screams.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That means the therapist screamed back at you.

[Karen Feehan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Just two Jews because you. Each other.

[Jay]

You were charging.

[Louie Katz]

I think it's you. I think it's. I think it's you or St. Germaine. I think it's one of you two.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Maybe. I've been to a lot of therapy in my life for anger management specifically.

[Jay]

It's never worked. Also, which would. This would be the thing. Probably.

[Karen Feehan]

It's also like a little funny, which. Which makes me think it's Big J. Because he would try to, like, ham.

[Jay]

It off a little.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He loves ham.

[Dan St. Germain]

That was like a bur. Burn about his person.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Favorite meat.

[Jay]

My favorite cured meat.

[Luis J. Gomez]

My favorite cured.

[Jay]

Got to be sliced in them.

[Karen Feehan]

I don't know. I'm all over the place right now, I think.

[Louie Katz]

Emotional breakdown. I mean, you did just cry at a sporting event. But I still.

[Jay]

But he was crying. It wasn't about the sporting event. He was crying because he was being attacked.

[Louie Katz]

So he had an emotional breakdown once before.

[Jay]

Once. This guy has an emotional breakdown almost.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Every drive home cry Three times a week.

[Jay]

Really?

[Louie Katz]

He cried more as you get older.

[Jay]

Yeah, yeah, me too.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I cry more as I get older. I. Anything that, if anything I see with a father son, doesn't matter if it's even sad, I just start crying.

[Louie Katz]

Wow.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Dan St. Germain]

This is now turned into a shitty therapy session.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I almost cried when I heard about the story about that father son beating up 10St. Germain.

[Dan St. Germain]

It was you. It was losing his son.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We've been. I. Like, that's so sweet. They were doing things together.

[Jay]

G M. Give me the notes from the show. Give me the tape, babe.

[Dan St. Germain]

It's got to be Lewis or Louie. I mean, those are the two, because. Jay, how many?

[Jay]

How many?

[Dan St. Germain]

What's your. What's your. What's your therapy. What's your therapy history?

[Jay]

The amount of times I've gone.

[Dan St. Germain]

It's like, the amount of times three times ever.

[Jay]

Like.

[Dan St. Germain]

And how long were you at each one?

[Jay]

Oh, three different ones. Like, one time.

[Dan St. Germain]

Oh, just three sessions.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Three sessions. Yeah.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Dan St. Germain]

Jesus Christ. We're worried about our panel right now.

[Jay]

I had a. A tela. A telehealth one for a while that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I would do, but, like, it was David Tella Health.

[Jay]

David Tella Health.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Like, you're gay.

[Jay]

You're gonna be fine. Sleep it off. No, I went one time, the lady fell asleep. Well, the telehealth one, she would get on every time, and then she found out what. You know, she asked me what I do. Obviously, that was in the thing. And then she would just ask me about my week in comedy, and I would just. The whole session became me telling her funny things that I thought of, and she would just laugh and then be like, all right, that's about it. I'm like, anything about my complicated relationship with my daughter, she's like, no, no. But that was. You really take no shit from hecklers.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I love that. Look, I. I'll tell you right now, and I shouldn't even be giving you guys information. I know that Big J's never had an emotional breakthrough in therapy. It's never happened.

[Jay]

Break down.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's. It's a. Just don't waste your vote on Jay. If it's J. If it's Jay, I will suck this guy's off his body on the stage right now. If it's Jay, And I really mean that. And I really mean that.

[Jay]

God damn, I wish it was me. I want to see this guy remove skin.

[Luis J. Gomez]

My vote is Louie. Dewey Katz.

[Jay]

Oh, Dewey, Louie. Yeah.

[Dan St. Germain]

Oh, okay.

[Louie Katz]

I see both you guys seem to be deflecting. I See you both doing this.

[Jay]

Could be Dan, look at me.

[Louie Katz]

Look at me. Is it you? Just look at me.

[Jay]

Are you talking to Lewis or me?

[Louie Katz]

Yeah, Lewis. No, I know it's not you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's not me.

[Jay]

I mean, I would scream at a therapist.

[Louie Katz]

Dan, is it you?

[Jay]

Don't think I'm a no. Maybe.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Could be. God damn it. It could be Dan.

[Louie Katz]

It's Lewis. It's Lewis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It could be Dan. Listen, look, look. He's trying to get his vote in before you guys get your votes right now. He's trying to push this. Lou's good. I'll tell you now, Louie watched the show. I could tell because he knew some certain things. He's playing the game right now.

[Karen Feehan]

I think it's me. I think it's. The story's about me.

[Jay]

I'm going to go. Louie Katz, final answer.

[Luis J. Gomez]

L. J. Gomez. Louis Cat says Lu she Gomez for the audio listeners. And out there, Dan St. Germaine.

[Dan St. Germain]

All right, I'm going to go with the Lou Cats.

[Karen Feehan]

That was my idea.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It might be Dan changed at the end. Alex, all of our answers are in.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number three belongs to Dan St. Germain.

[Dan St. Germain]

You guys really showed your cards. Let's call up Jonathan Greenblot. Baby, get them out of here.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Here, I love. He also voted last. He was. He. He forgot that he was supposed to vote until the very end.

[Jay]

Oh, yeah. I'll go. Lou Katz.

[Karen Feehan]

I don't know why I shifted everybody towards Louie in the beginning. So hard.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And then you voted for Dance an.

[Jay]

Oh, it doesn't matter. I'm terrible at this game.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Dsg, what happened here? Why. Why were you screaming with your therapist? What were you getting emotional about?

[Dan St. Germain]

I couldn't afford any more sessions. And he was.

[Jay]

Was.

[Dan St. Germain]

He had. He did some really good in that first session, but I was like, hey, can I just get those notes for those? It was brain spotting. It wasn't normal. It's like you look at one spot and then you look at the other spot, and then you come back to that spot and you think about trauma in each spot.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's a game of memory.

[Dan St. Germain]

I think whatever it is, it's more of. It's less of a talk about it. It's more of like a. Like, kind of like. But, yeah, you kind of go through it. And anyway, we started. I said, hey, can I get it back? And he said. He said, no. And then I. I said, mother, I think I called him a sucker. And then, all right, he started screaming and called me a. Like. I was like, all right, this guy's not a good therapist.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Like, I told you that in confidence.

[Dan St. Germain]

Yeah, maybe I should back off now.

[Jay]

That's what you're a sucker. Hey, you said you wouldn't throw that back in my face.

[Dan St. Germain]

But anyway, I recommend brain spotting. It's a good therapist therapy.

[Jay]

Wow.

[Louie Katz]

She knows, man. I guessed you first and then I backed off.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Damn it.

[Louie Katz]

Are you trying to make me think that?

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, I thought you were just playing the game really well, and I was like, all right, okay, Louie, we all know what you.

[Jay]

I'm playing the game really bad.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's okay, Jay. This is very, very early in the game. Alex, where are our points at?

[Alex (Producer)]

After three stories, after three stories, with zero points, in last place is Big J. Okerson. In fourth place with two points, Louis Katz. In third place, with four points, Dan St. Germain. In second place, with five points, Luis J. Gomez. And in the lead with six points, Karen Feehan.

[Jay]

Karen.

[Karen Feehan]

I never win. I never win.

[Jay]

You are getting dangerously close to walking home with Upper west side Catholics. The church depicted in Upper west side Catholics suffered during the crime wave that devastated the Upper west side from the 1960s to the 1980s. However, the church was rescued from near extinction by the influx of Puerto Rican and Dominican Catholics. It has emerged during the last several decades as a flourishing, multi ethnic bilingual parish.

[Alex (Producer)]

Wow.

[Jay]

Wow. Upper west side Catholics.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's called Upper west side Catholics, but it should be called.

[Jay]

Alex, story number four.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex.

[Jay]

Alex, story number four. Quick, before anybody see that for a clean cut. Alex, story number four.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Washington Heights Catholics. Get it clean.

[Jay]

Get it clean.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Edit.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number four. A comedian slapped me in the green room. When they refused to say sorry, I fought them and rammed their head into the side of the comedy club until they apologized.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jesus.

[Jay]

Now, Lewis wouldn't ask you to say I'm sorry, Karen or Big J. Me? Yeah, you.

[Louie Katz]

It sounds like you.

[Jay]

You know what? I gotta be honest with you. I don't know if I got slapped. I'm not gonna say be say sorry for. I would. I would react on that getting hit. No, but I wouldn't be like, say sorry or else I would just be in it if you slapped me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Let me see.

[Jay]

Give it a shot.

[Karen Feehan]

Jay, don't do it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Karen knows what it's like to be slapped by Megan.

[Jay]

Can you slept me in the green room until I called him daddy.

[Karen Feehan]

I do think this is Lewis or Louis Katz because there's like a lot extra going on.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Louis Katz is not slamming somebody's head.

[Alex (Producer)]

Maybe he did.

[Jay]

What are you talking about? The guy loves sports.

[Louie Katz]

Yeah, I love Sports and beating people up. That's me.

[Jay]

The guy kicks ass and takes names.

[Dan St. Germain]

If it was. If it was Gomez, he wouldn't have used the word rammed. I don't think. I think it would have been too much of a. That was the most adorable thing I've ever heard.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Karen's allergic to good points.

[Dan St. Germain]

But I don't know.

[Jay]

So I'm. I'm gonna.

[Dan St. Germain]

I don't know again. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go with cats on this.

[Louie Katz]

I think it's Karen or Lewis. You guys seem like fighters to me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can I say, well, Karen's a problem. I've said this. But here's the thing. Big J would know if this ever happened to me, because Big J has known me my entire comedy career. The reason it could still be Big J is because Jay had, like, six or seven years of doing comedy in Philly.

[Jay]

You think I never told you the story about pounding someone's head into a wall until they said, I'm sorry?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Maybe not.

[Karen Feehan]

I know it's kind of rolling off your tongue right now, big guy.

[Jay]

Say you're sorry. I find, like a retarded kid, I just cry. You gotta apologize. I'm sad. Why are you mean to me? You know what? The more I hear it, I want to vote for me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We already discussed that.

[Louie Katz]

I can't tell if Jay's deflecting or. Or maybe it's Karen. I guess it's.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Or this could be, like, secretly Louie could be a badass. He looks like a dweeb, but the reality is he could have a real dangerous side that we don't know about.

[Louie Katz]

Dangerous side? Karen's like, slap me around.

[Jay]

All her posts are her, like, getting jacked. So no one's just slapping her and being like, oh, Carol, she's not. She's not the girl comment to slap if you're another girl.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Karen, why did you dress like a middle school boy today? Dress hot. That's why we book you.

[Dan St. Germain]

That is hot.

[Jay]

I can't even see either of your.

[Dan St. Germain]

Pussy lips, middle school boy.

[Karen Feehan]

I'm here for Dan.

[Dan St. Germain]

He's doing Sandusky jokes.

[Jay]

This. I mean, Louis Katz. He's.

[Karen Feehan]

This is too violent for me. I wish.

[Jay]

San Fran sleeper. Dude, this guy's got a rage inside of him brewing.

[Louie Katz]

You think so?

[Jay]

I do. That's why you. You shaved your head because your hair head wasn't intimidating. But this look. Yeah, yeah, dude, I don't.

[Louie Katz]

No one seems intimidated, but okay. I like that.

[Jay]

I like that you got a thing.

[Louie Katz]

Maybe I got a Thing. Maybe I am a tough guy.

[Jay]

It doesn't matter.

[Karen Feehan]

He just says that. He says that in his head all day long.

[Jay]

Here's what you are, though. You're a dude, and you don't want to get slapped in the face in front of people. You don't have a reaction to that. You're not.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're not.

[Jay]

But you might ask them to say sorry first.

[Luis J. Gomez]

If you slap Karen, she comes. Can we just know this?

[Dan St. Germain]

Can we agree this was Andy Dick, though?

[Jay]

This definitely is also an andy Dick story.

[Dan St. Germain]

100.

[Jay]

How are we not Andy Dick on story Wars? Oh, because we're gonna know always. No, but we're always gonna know it's his. Like, I was blowing three guys on top of an rv. Phil Hartman kept screaming at me to get back inside.

[Karen Feehan]

It's like, if you ram somebody's head into the wall, though, like, you're maybe gonna dent their head. Like, their cranium. Like, they're probably gonna go.

[Jay]

That's why I feel like it wasn't somebody who's mega aggressive. It was a point making, like, a tink. Tink. You know what I mean?

[Luis J. Gomez]

And it's also so the slapping, it makes me not think it's Karen, but it could. They could have been playfully slapping, and then you could have been, like, jump on top of them and start banging their head into something stuck on this.

[Jay]

Corinne Fisherman.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, I'm going with my instinct. Karen Feehan. One of these stories has to be hers. Here we go. All of our answers are in Alex.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number four belongs to Louis. Cats.

[Jay]

On the board. Yeah, I'm on the board.

[Luis J. Gomez]

A lot of people voted for Louis Katz on this one.

[Louie Katz]

I thought that was. Was that was the one I was gonna trick everyone with, but I guess not.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What. What happened here?

[Jay]

You're a secret psycho.

[Louie Katz]

It's Brent Weinbach, if you know him.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I remember that name.

[Louie Katz]

He just had a special that came out this year is real funny. Yeah, I played this. He left a crazy voicemail for me on my phone, threatening me, and I played it for everyone in the green room. He slapped me and ran away. And then I confronted him a few days later outside of another comedy club.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I told him that's how long it took Louie to catch up with him.

[Jay]

He was like, I was stopped running. Oh, it's a dry heat, but I'm still spitzing. Face me like a man and stop running.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Weinbach Cats, the fight of the century.

[Louie Katz]

So that's the thing. So. So I brought him outside his other comedy club, the Thriller in Chinchilla.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Presented by Afrin.

[Jay]

Brought to you by Allergies and Early Quarterly.

[Louie Katz]

I took him outside and I said like, I can't believe you did that. You should apologize. He's like, I'm not apologizing. And then I just punch him in the face. And he goes, you didn't even say let's fight first. Which I thought was really funny.

[Jay]

Let's fight, you guys in Mortal Kombat.

[Louie Katz]

And then I started fighting him. Our friend Jasper got off on the bus, saw us fighting, apparently. Looks so pathetic. He just said this and went inside, even while watch the fight.

[Jay]

Black gentleman.

[Louie Katz]

Embarrassing.

[Jay]

Yes, I had a feeling.

[Louie Katz]

Yeah.

[Jay]

And then.

[Louie Katz]

And then he started ramming his head against the side of the comedy club. And then he apologized. And then we went inside and did our tmac. And I could see a knot rising on his head.

[Jay]

How good did that feel?

[Louie Katz]

Well, I felt it was funny, but I felt bad, you know?

[Jay]

No, no, but you taught him lesson.

[Louie Katz]

Well, sometimes violence is the answer.

[Dan St. Germain]

If there's.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And that's how Lou's getting booked at the Riyadh Comedy Festival.

[Jay]

Violence sometimes is the answer. They say a learns best with a black eye. A raped is a with new knowledge. Am I right? Come on, I'm speaking. This is in the government notes. It's in the government. This won't be in the YouTube version.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It won't be.

[Jay]

I'll clap so we have a good edit.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex, four stories down, where are our points at Alrighty?

[Alex (Producer)]

In last place with two points, Big J Okerson. In fourth place with three points, Louie Katz. In third place with five points, Lewis J. Gomez.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's it. Third flip behind. Fuck.

[Alex (Producer)]

In second place with six points, Dan St. Germain.

[Dan St. Germain]

Fucking. Coming up, don't count me out.

[Alex (Producer)]

And in the lead with eight points, Karen Feehan.

[Jay]

Wow.

[Dan St. Germain]

It's gonna be no different.

[Jay]

Wow.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We are at the halfway point in the show. At this point, we're gonna go around and do some plugs. Karen Feehan, what are you plugging?

[Karen Feehan]

Wednesday, October 8th, I'm at the comedy club.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This comes out two weeks after that.

[Karen Feehan]

Okay. November 7th, I'm at the Hideout in Boston. And the day after that, I'm doing a co headlining show with Stacy K. My transgendered friend. And it's at the stand.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's at 6.

[Karen Feehan]

Thank you.

[Dan St. Germain]

How many do you have here right now? I have three in the back. I break about.

[Karen Feehan]

That's November 8th at the stand.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Hell yeah. Dancing Jermaine.

[Dan St. Germain]

Just weirding everybody out with trans jokes. I'm good, man. No I. I do a podcast with Sean Donnelly called Burbs Bros. It's about UFOs. He's the one comedian who's sweatier than me, so check that out. And dude, follow me on Instagram. That's it.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah, Louis Cats.

[Louie Katz]

Just check out my special on YouTube and text balls to 55444 for all my upcoming days dates.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Really?

[Louie Katz]

Yeah. This is real. That's B A L L s to 55444.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I love it.

[Jay]

Big J Okerson bigj comedy.com for all my dates. Look on there for a city near you. I got the Big J Okerson Peter North American tour coming on a city near you. If you get it, you get it. Thank you. Of course, listen to the bonfire five days a week, Faction Talk Series XM103 with me and the great Robert Kelly. And of course, the flagship show over here at Legion of Skanks or over at Gas Digital, Legion of Skanks double vinyl coming up very soon for them. They my crowd works special. That's gonna be a lot of fun. And then check me out on YouTube. Follow, subscribe on all my YouTube shit. YouTube.com BigJokerson I'm doing live streams now once a week or so.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, very cool. Come see me live on the road, guys. Lots of live dates coming up. Chandler, Arizona, the last week of October. That's October 24th and 25th. Then we're doing some live story wars. We're doing the gramercy theater on November 11, which is gonna be incredible. Huge show plan. Get those tickets in New York City. We want to sell out the Gramercy Theater. We got a huge lineup. We might announce it if we don't sell more tickets more quickly. And it's supposed to be a secret, but we got. We might have to announce these guys. And we also were doing the night before Thanksgiving, we're doing Philadelphia, two shows, Story wars in Philly. Gonna be a great, great night of comedy. Already sold out of the mothership. I just want to brag a little bit. We're doing two shows of the mothership at the end of the month. And I'm releasing a brand new special at the end of the month. You're making this worse. Will be out at the end of October. It's gonna be on YouTube and, you know, a bunch of other platforms. So check that out. Brand new book that I just wrote as well called Knives and Spoons that's available on pre order right now on Amazon. And if you love this show, you should know that we have about 40 episodes that aren't available to the public right now. They're behind the Gas Digital art in the archives. So go to gas digital.com you get the uncensored and ad free version of the show pre release on Monday nights. You don't have to wait till Thursday for the YouTube version. Gas digital.com we have iPhone and Android apps. Use the promo code war and you save a couple bucks a month that supports the show directly and you get all those extra member benefits, thousands of hours of podcasts that aren't available anywhere else in the entire world. All right, Jay, explain what's going on in the second half because you're in last place right now. Louie is not doing very good.

[Jay]

I'm in last place. Me and Louie need this really big.

[Louie Katz]

Can we catch up? Is it possible?

[Jay]

You absolutely can catch up. I know it looks like me and you are pretty dead in the water over here, Louie, but we're not. We are one round away from taking the absolute lead. Because for the final four stories over here, story wars, we flip over to double points.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I love watching the faces of the people that don't know the show. Like, what the fuck is going on right now?

[Jay]

Well, what's going on is very simple. I know it's your guys first time here. Before, if you fooled somebody, you got one point. If you guessed the correct story, you got two points. And now that jumps to double points.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Points.

[Dan St. Germain]

Crazy.

[Jay]

I treat, I like to treat like a whammy. So I'm pressure luck.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It makes me giggle every time.

[Jay]

It's very, very fun. This is fantastic.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I just watched G Mike yell at Seraphina for going in front of them. Seraphina's trying to be all sexy and sultry and drop off drinks.

[Jay]

Relax. Sexy, sultry. Why is this woman dressed like a state senator going for a lunchtime? Guys, I'm gonna go for a lunchtime jog. I'll be back.

[Dan St. Germain]

You're doing like, a terrible job at hiding your affair right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't want to point anything out, but this one.

[Jay]

Jackie Joyner, Clinton.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This woman's nipples are rock hard.

[Jay]

The whole show.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The whole show.

[Jay]

The whole show. It's been keeping me always hard.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, my God. Now I'm always hard.

[Jay]

Me too. My nipples are always hard.

[Louie Katz]

Hard.

[Jay]

It's a good thing, though. Soft nipples suck. Soft nipples suck. Soft nipples suck.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Soft nipples suck.

[Jay]

Oh, sorry. You're not cheering, you soft nipple sluts. Why don't you get hornier? Better.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex, she's got double points right Now.

[Jay]

Nice, Alex. Story number five.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number five. I was in a major argument with my significant other while at an amusement park. We were very angry every second of the day except for the time spent on rides.

[Jay]

Didn't Lewis just tell this exact story?

[Luis J. Gomez]

There's nothing amusing about that day.

[Dan St. Germain]

It was. It's written a little like the last one in the.

[Louie Katz]

There's.

[Dan St. Germain]

There's nothing giving it away.

[Jay]

Except they weren't crying together.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This could be. This could be Karen.

[Karen Feehan]

Karen.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It could easily be Karen. Was it the guy she was in an argument with?

[Karen Feehan]

I'm not really a big amusement. Like, you guys seem like adult Disney guys. Like any one of you.

[Dan St. Germain]

She'S cornered and scared. That's why she's being mean.

[Jay]

Yeah, call me adult Disney.

[Karen Feehan]

I just like, can see like you like, you guys are like a big soda and like a turkey leg, like walking around.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, I can see dancing. Germain walking around with a big turkey leg just down the street.

[Jay]

Street.

[Dan St. Germain]

I've done that in a while.

[Jay]

I don't know if Lewis.

[Dan St. Germain]

Disneyland.

[Jay]

I don't know what significant other out pictures. But Lewis loves an amusement park. He tries to organize an amusement park ride every trip, every year.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I love Six Flags Great Adventure.

[Jay]

I. Yeah, he always has very argumentative chicks.

[Karen Feehan]

Yep. I had a childhood, so this is just simply not me. I never go to adult. I never go to music.

[Louie Katz]

I've never heard such loud defense. Reflecting. I think it's obviously Karen.

[Jay]

Yeah, you really are whispering it off, you know, And I don't even understand what it is. Our amusement parks, is that where there's rides?

[Karen Feehan]

What do you do there?

[Jay]

Like.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I mean, I've been to plenty of amusement parks. I go to Six Flags basically every year. I've probably argued with every gal that.

[Jay]

I've ever dated in every store in that amusement park.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You know, I gotta be honest with you. You. But it's just not me.

[Jay]

It took me two Diet Pepsi cans to get us in one. Two for one.

[Karen Feehan]

We got the fast.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But, Jay, you're also. You're. You're. You're an arguer. You know, you and your ladies, you get into some pretty heated ones.

[Jay]

Yeah, I mean, Christine's here. She'll definitely nod on that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Christine's terrified of you. She's looking at her feet.

[Jay]

Are you now? I see her looking directly at me. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Look at your tootsies down at the tootsies. Are you eating without my knowledge? What'd you do? You having popcorn or a snack? Put that on your calorie Chart. I give her a calorie chart. I weight watchers her. I go fill your points up on the little thermometer thing on the. This does sound like me now that I do all that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Louie, have you ever gone to an amusement park with your boyfriend?

[Jay]

I've been more of a carnival than an amusement park. I didn't go to the. I've never gone with you guys to Six Flags.

[Louie Katz]

Check this out. This is clearly a woman because a. Dude, you're not. Let's leave the. I don't want going to the park. We're fighting. I don't want to spend the money. Do you know what I mean? If. Do you understand what I'm saying? Like how.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yes, we speak Hebrew. I'm not spending the money. We're not going to the amusement park.

[Jay]

I mean, I hear what you're saying, but it's coming out to me like dreidel dream. I made it out of clay, and I'm Jewish, so I understand Hebrew.

[Karen Feehan]

It almost feels like you're selling the point home. Like, we're gonna get our money's worth. We're gonna have fun on the rides at least. I guess we'll argue the whole day.

[Louie Katz]

I don't know, man. That sounds like a horrible day. And that's too much money. That. I think it's care.

[Karen Feehan]

But now picture him on, like, the teacups or something.

[Jay]

Oh, there we go.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Karen's not tal to ride any real rides, and that's the problem.

[Karen Feehan]

And Lou is so, I think, true.

[Louie Katz]

I am tall enough to ride the ride.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm not all of them.

[Jay]

I do love rides. When I go. Nobody would ride the rides with me at the gathering of the Juggalos. I rode them myself like a weirdo.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. No, I. That's not true. I rode. I rode the. What are they called? I. I rode the roundup at the gathering of the Juggalos, and we were all on drugs and drunk, and we all felt like we were going to puke. And you went on over and over and over again.

[Jay]

I loved it so much, I got on by myself. And then at one point, I was going on, and this thing's going full speed. You're up in the air, looking down and all. I started thinking, because nobody else got on there with me. I was just like. I was stoned. Too much weed, and I was like, I'm alone. Nobody wants to hang out with me. And look at me. I'm almost 50 years old, and I'm on a ride by myself. Everyone around me was Young and goofy haired and screaming. And I was like, look at this. I'm pathetic. I'm with the old man taking up a spot on the roundup that could be here for another child.

[Dan St. Germain]

That, that is the beginning of every Zoloft commercial.

[Louie Katz]

It is.

[Jay]

And Skyriz, it's that ever since then I've had monitor severe plaque psoriasis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean I'm, I'm, I am getting Big J vibes right now.

[Karen Feehan]

I'm getting Big J vibes. I think the stories have been Big J L light as of late.

[Jay]

I think I haven't had a story yet.

[Karen Feehan]

We haven't had a story from Big J.

[Jay]

So it could be me just based off of the that now.

[Karen Feehan]

I don't think it is you weasel. I hate this game. Hurts my brain.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, I'll start the voting. I. I'm getting Big J vibes. Big J, he argues with his chicks.

[Jay]

Ah, that's making me think Lewis, he would go anyway.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Story couple Karen votes, same exact handwriting. It's psychotic. Big Jason Okerson.

[Jay]

Karen writes, that's my name fully. That's how my mother yells at me. Big Jason Okerson, I expect more of you. I'm going to go with Lewis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Please.

[Jay]

Alex. All the score, all the votes are in.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number five belongs to Big J Okerson.

[Dan St. Germain]

God damn.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Big J. Which significant other was. Was this your wife or your girlfriend while you had a wife?

[Jay]

This is my girlfriend when I had a wife but after I lost my wife and just had a girlfriend. And I'll tell you what beautiful. This girlfriend without a wife wasn't holding up her end of the bargain this day. It was supposed to be better than wife.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Big J's ex wife took half of his tickets from that amusement park.

[Jay]

Thank God I had Diet Coke cans. Me and Christine were out staying at our friend Michelle's house, who we all know out in Los Angeles. And we were out there and it was like October, November and early in the day we were like, let's get tickets to Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios. So we bought them and I couldn't even begin to guess. Do you remember even what it was about? We got into a fight at that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're fucking married.

[Jay]

Well, that lasted fucking 14 years into our relationship. But that it's over now. For the last year and a half though, it's been over. I thank you. Thank you. That guy and Christine. So we were. And our friend Michelle was going with us. I bought tickets for the three of us. And somewhere in the house that day before we left, we Got into a fight. But these are non refundable tickets. And it's like, you know, whatever, 100, 200 bucks a ticket to go to Halloween Horror Nights. So I'm like, no, we're fucking going. And we went with our friend. We had to sit there while we. Nobody talked. The whole drive there, nobody talked. I mean, they have an exorcist level amount of escalators to go up in Los Angeles for these haunted. We're walking through haunted houses. And let me tell you what doesn't. I don't like haunted houses because I think they are like. Not that they're scary, but I just don't like that people are trying to, like, jump out at you when you're in a fight. None of that, Ma. I had a Jack Nicholson in a shining room come out at me with a chainsaw. And I was like, okay. We just kept going, going, moving forward. Then we would get on rides, exciting rides, and we would. It would lock us in. And we both go. It's like, I just look it over. I go, the audacity. You the moment. And then for 10 seconds, you go. And then it goes backwards. And then you go, let's go. I think Jurassic Park's closing in a few minutes. We were. But I will tell you to this day why I will sing the praise of these guys. The only thing that broke the energy. The only thing. We were in a. It was a knockdown drag out. We were not talking. And if we did talk, it was you. You. And then they go, hey, guys, come in here. The Jabbawocki show is starting in a few minutes. And we went in. I go, I guess, well, I want to sit down anyway, so I don't give a. Let's go. I said, jabba Milwaukees. And then it started off with Bodak Yellow by Cardi B. And these little Koreans came out and I was for. For 30 minutes, we were like, yo, I want to join. And then as soon as. Over he goes, thank you, guys. If we could have you. Exit to the left. I was like, let's go. Jurassic Park's closing soon.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Great story, Big J. Alex, five stories down. Where are our points at?

[Alex (Producer)]

All right on the scoreboard. In last place with three points.

[Jay]

Not me.

[Alex (Producer)]

Louie Katz.

[Louie Katz]

Bums me up.

[Alex (Producer)]

Tied for third place with six points each, Big J. Okerson and Dan St. Germain.

[Jay]

I'm back.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're coming back, baby. Me.

[Alex (Producer)]

In second place with nine points, Lis J. Gomez. And in the lead with 12 points, Karen Feehan.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's not out of reach Karen, this might be your day. This is a big deal for Lewis.

[Jay]

Is on your ass. And for the first time, I mean that metaphor metaphorically.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's not a bad rump. This.

[Karen Feehan]

I'm not gonna get excited because I never win.

[Jay]

I like that attitude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I thought you were gonna say, I'm not gonna get excited because Lewis is on my ass.

[Jay]

Yeah, it's not even gonna hurt.

[Karen Feehan]

Same. I can't even.

[Jay]

You're like, we tried anal, but did we.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Is it in?

[Dan St. Germain]

Is it in?

[Jay]

Or do I have to take a tiny shit? Let me ask you question. Are you inside of me completely nuts to butt right now, or do I have to take a teeny tiny.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, gentlemen, let's take a quick moment and thank Mando for supporting story wars. We love Mando Total Body Deodorant. Not just for your armpits anymore, but anywhere you have a crack or crevice on your body talking to your. But your balls and butt cracks specifically. These are two stinky places.

[Jay]

It's made with mandelic acid, which sounds a fake thing. With mandelic acid now, featuring guy juice. This blocks odor before it even starts because it's mandelic.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, my gosh. You swallowed all my mandelic acid.

[Jay]

I got my mandelic acid all over her chest.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Clinically proven control odor for 72 hours. Genuinely great. None of the parabens, none of the aluminum, none of that. And it has for everywhere. I use it on my balls. I use a cream deodorant on my balls all the time. This is every time I get out of the shower. I have deodorant for my arm pits and deodorant for my balls every single time. Now, sometimes I put it on for.

[Jay]

You if I'm with you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Sometimes I squirt it into his mouth.

[Jay]

Yeah. And then bag me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. He licks it onto my balls, of course. Pretty sweet, actually.

[Jay]

The only way to do it, honestly, if we're being honest, it's the only way to do it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You got to try Mano Starter pack, which is perfect for new customers. It comes with solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, and two products of your choice like the mini body wash and the deodorant wipes, which are just incredible on a trip. Free shipping as well. Just go to shopmando.com shop m a n d o.com and use that promo code wars with a z at checkout for 20 off site wide site y w a r z and shopmando.com all right. Where were we? Five stories down. Alex, story number six.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number six. I once broke into a neighbor's apartment, almost got caught, and ended up fighting two women.

[Jay]

Well, I mean, that sounds like a. A. A girl story. No.

[Louie Katz]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Now, that's too on the. Alex would have changed it.

[Louie Katz]

What do you mean you could change it?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, she changes the wording sometimes if it becomes too obvious, but I don't. This. There's nothing obvious, really. Two women makes me think it could be a dude. It's a fair fight.

[Karen Feehan]

Definitely could be you.

[Jay]

It's an awesome fight.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jay]

It'll be devastating for those gals.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Was it at once?

[Dan St. Germain]

Once.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Was it at once or back to back? Because I could take, like, 12 women back to back.

[Jay]

Oh, my God. Tournament style. I dominated chick fighting tournament.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Karen Feehan]

I also feel like there's, like, elements of this story missing. Like, you broke into the apartment for what? Got caught for what? What were you looking for? Was it a burglary?

[Luis J. Gomez]

This is Karen.

[Jay]

Well, that'll be the same.

[Dan St. Germain]

I did everything to you now after.

[Jay]

That, I don't know.

[Karen Feehan]

Sorry.

[Jay]

Do you think it's Karen's story? They took a lot of stuff out of it, and she's like, hey, where's the rest of it?

[Karen Feehan]

Yeah, it was more colorful.

[Jay]

This is their quiet way of saying, like, hey, Alex, what happened to the 75 other details I gave?

[Louie Katz]

Well, it's the. There. It's like two separate stories. The getting caught in the breaking has nothing to do with the. Ended up fighting two women.

[Dan St. Germain]

Right.

[Jay]

Well, I think the women, I guess they probably are.

[Louie Katz]

So I once broke into a neighbor's apartment, almost got caught, and ended up fighting to win. Or they ended up fighting two women. Maybe that's just something that happened later in the night.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This sounds like the beginning of a great point horn.

[Jay]

Ooh, neighbor girls fight.

[Karen Feehan]

Then it's also, like, fighting women implies that, like, you didn't just, like, kill them immediately, which, like, I don't know, excludes, like, Lewis and, like, maybe that.

[Jay]

There was a fist fight. There was a. Yeah, like a time. A time. Passing fist fight. It was an actual fair fight, not just, like, a guy hitting a woman.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it's like it was. I knocked out two and then took the. Out of. To get from their apartment.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Dan St. Germain]

Fighting over hitting. That makes it more confusing.

[Jay]

Could this again, be a drunk. This be a drunk dsg.

[Louie Katz]

Could it just be yelling is fighting. Could that be yelling? Or do you think that's implies fists?

[Dan St. Germain]

I think at least defensive maneuvers.

[Jay]

I didn't overthink that. I guess it could just be arguing. Well, they would say. They would say arguing though.

[Karen Feehan]

I think fighting. Yeah. Fighting two women sounds like fisticuffs.

[Louie Katz]

Then I think. Think it's. Well, then I think it's you. Cuz if it's anyone besides you, then it ends and then jail. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Except for you, Lou.

[Karen Feehan]

Yeah, Here, here.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Cuz and I lost the fight to.

[Jay]

Two women for sure. You shaved your head. You were sud me to jail.

[Louie Katz]

That's it. I still wouldn't go to jail.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Maybe depend.

[Karen Feehan]

I feel like if it was me, it's too obvious. And like you ask yourself, like, which man on this plan panel is like the closest in size to a woman? Woman who?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Karen.

[Jay]

Karen Feehan.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, Lou's other story.

[Jay]

It depends what kind of woman.

[Louie Katz]

Close in size to a woman.

[Jay]

Yeah, I'm close in size to like the this is us chick.

[Dan St. Germain]

I'd love to see you two scissor, bro.

[Jay]

Oh, buddy. I did the. I went to screen test with her and they. The scene you were up for the. Yep. It broke my heart. That's always a funny thing. I was up for the role for this is us for the boyfriend of the gigantic girl. And this is us.

[Louie Katz]

No way.

[Jay]

I went to screen test. I did the screen test with her. The scene ends in them making out after a discussion about weight watchers. Yum. And then by the third time they had us, they almost let us get so close to kissing the third time that I went, all right, guys, I said that out loud. Then they didn't give me the part and they said it was because I was too thin and handsome. Then when it got picked when it. Which felt nice, then it got picked up for 13 more episodes and they called me in and my manager called me and goes, hey, they want you for. They want to look at you again. The producer liked you a lot. They want to look at you for.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Another role for super hot guy number five. Shut up, Jim.

[Jay]

Shut the fuck up.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, we have eyes, you fucking lying scumbag.

[Jay]

There's no lie. This is the fucking thing. That's the. You're almost stepping on the punch is that they call me. They go, they want you to read for another role. They really liked you a lot. I go, what is it the fucking fat piece of shit that the girl cheats on that fat guy with? And they went, yes. And then I didn't get that because I wasn't thin and handsome enough. You think I was sucking my own dick in that Story. Why would I waste my time? When have I ever told a story? He goes, and by the way, guys, I kicked ass and got pussy. Hey, remember the time I told that story? I kicked someone so much ass and got so much.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, I can see this being Karen. During her drunken days, she broke into a neighbor's apartment. For some reason or another, she thought it was her apartment, maybe.

[Karen Feehan]

Oh, yeah, that's something that, you know, I would have done then.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Two chicks were in there and she had to fight them.

[Jay]

Yeah, they were already in there.

[Karen Feehan]

Like if I was looking for something.

[Jay]

Oh, Louis, you're voting so fast it makes me think it's you. But you didn't fight two women. I would know this.

[Karen Feehan]

Yeah, he would. He. He probably has.

[Jay]

He would. Now, Karen, you just try to say that. So you want me to vote for you because that was so half hearted. You went, no, he would do that thing I did.

[Karen Feehan]

He would.

[Jay]

Lewis, if you steer me wrong, dude, I'm gonna punch you right in your wiener. Please, in front of all these people, I'm gonna hammer fish your wang.

[Karen Feehan]

I don't know. I'm on the fence. I don't think I'm so annoyed right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Dan, Miss the.

[Jay]

Why are you annoyed?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I just watched Daniel. We got. Karen's all around, except for Karen, who writes Lewis.

[Jay]

Oh, Jesus.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think this is very obviously Karen.

[Jay]

Alex, all the votes are in.

[Luis J. Gomez]

If it's not Karen, somebody just cleaned the up just now.

[Alex (Producer)]

Somebody did just clean the fuck up right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number six, you belongs to Fig J. Okerson.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What a round was that? Two in a row? Yeah, it's round. Two in a row. In a round in the second half. Alex, you Alex.

[Alex (Producer)]

It's random.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's crazy.

[Jay]

Alex, buddy, that's crazy. Especially when things go double points.

[Luis J. Gomez]

God, I hate how I have to cheer for you.

[Jay]

I know, right? It's so addictive.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So bummed out.

[Jay]

So, Louis, you sort of know the story. When me and my ex wife were living in Queens, we got sort of like. They were like sort of evicting us illegally. They wanted to send. They wanted to charge more money for the apartment. So they were like, hey, you guys Asian? Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, God damn it.

[Jay]

They're like, you didn't. They go, you guys been great tenants, but we're kicking you out at the end of the month.

[Louie Katz]

Jeez.

[Jay]

And we were like, why? And so we, we wrote back and.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We go, no, that was their name. Why? They were the Y family wise.

[Jay]

It was spelled. It was spelled zy. Yeah, yeah, they but they xy, they no, they just. They reach out to us and they go, hey, you guys have been great tenants, but like, we're gonna need you out by the end of like next month. So which, here's the thing. We knew what they were doing. They were gonna raise the rent. Like they wanna raise it a ton. They want us out. So we just all.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We asked for you not give us enough yen.

[Jay]

Yeah, I go, I go. Can you just give us till summertime? Just give us the beginning of summer so my daughter can finish school here so we don't have to worry about uprooting her in summer school. We just asked that, can we stay until the beginning of summer and then we'll go. They just sent back a lawyer is like, you know, like, we're refusing to leave, so they're evicting us. Which ended up being working out better because we had the. Our lawyer was so fast just to be like, oh, perfect, you're going to live there for about six, seven months for completely free. Just put the money aside for rent. But like, this is an illegal eviction. It's just a wacky. They handled it so weird. They don't speak English very well. Well that. This is a stupid thing they're doing. Like you're going to live there for free for. But in six months, plan in about five, six months, like to move. So we were like, great. But because of that going, we were just kind of living our lives there. They were furious multiple times. They were fights. They bit my ex wife on the hand once.

[Dan St. Germain]

Wait, wait, what?

[Jay]

Who bit an old Asian lady?

[Louie Katz]

No way.

[Jay]

You don't want to, you know, Dragon.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you don't want to fight Asians, dude, they can throw fireballs.

[Louie Katz]

Get her head.

[Dan St. Germain]

That's how Reddit thinks. Covid started.

[Jay]

So nice. So at when it was just getting like more and more heated up, they were like threading all kinds of stuff to it. It was. It was really hot, Duke. It was awkward. Now we had. We had two floors. It's basically, as everyone knows, a row home in Queens. We had two floors, middle floor and top floor with the bedrooms in the basement. It was an illegal apartment for sure, but that's where they stuffed their grandma from the family, right. Was living in an illegal apartment downstairs in the basement. So when they were doing this thing, going to kick us out now. Interesting time here. This is when me, Lewis and Nate Bargazi all lived a block from each other.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And we're all doing the same right now.

[Jay]

Yeah, Nate. Nate had just married his Wife and Nate got a job writing for the Video Game Awards. So she was home all day and me and her were just housewives at home. My ex wife was in law school or whatever and me and her were just home all day by ourselves. So she came over and we concocted the idea like, yo, let's break into that apartment downstairs, take video and pictures of it for the lawyers so you can show. Also, they're trying to evict us and they have an illegal apartment downstairs. Okay. Right when we were coming out, we broke in easily.

[Louie Katz]

Broke into a grandma's apartment.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Louie Katz]

Okay.

[Jay]

As we were walking out and just closing the door, like they came in the door and started accusing us of doing that. We were like, nah, you, we didn't do. And they're like, yeah. And we went outside and me and Nate Bar's hillbilly wife sat outside with. And it was the. It's the mother from the family and the daughter. The only one who spoke English was the daughter.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's like your story from Koreatown.

[Jay]

Yeah. They got furious and they just started like the girl, almost like an honor patch. She grabbed my sweatshirt and just ripped the. This mother, the 70 year old grandmother ripped my shirt.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And then his shirt came off. He just shredded Jay underneath there.

[Jay]

Quite the opposite. No, quite the opposite opposite. It was a little flappy titty. And then me and Laura Bargazzi, Nate Bargazi's wife, went back to back like a John Woo movie. Dove shot out and then me and her fought these two Asian ladies, mother and daughter. And then the cops came and did the old. Like everyone gets arrested or no one gets arrested. And we were like, get the out of here. And we. Nothing happened ultimately, but. Crazy, but yeah, but I, but I, I didn't fight those two women, but I definitely gave him a little bit of like. Like I would shove them into Laura Bargazi who would tag him for me, which was nuts. I'll tell you what, you can give them a gazillion dollars. They're still two fucking hillbillies from Old Hickory, Tennessee and I love them for that. Nate and R. Bargazzi.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex, six stories are down. I have no idea what's going on with the points. Big J just scored massively just now. Where is our happy for me? I'm very happy for you. I want to win still. You know I want. You know I want to win. I do.

[Alex (Producer)]

Alex in last place with three points, Louie Katz.

[Louie Katz]

Sucks.

[Jay]

I love sports and kicking ass.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I booked Louie for this show six months ago.

[Louie Katz]

I Regret it.

[Jay]

Should have been out of town this week.

[Alex (Producer)]

In fourth place, with six points, Dan St. Germain.

[Jay]

Respectable.

[Alex (Producer)]

In third place with nine points, Luis J. Gomez.

[Jay]

It's the guy who. His vision. The whole show is his vision.

[Alex (Producer)]

In second place, with 12 points, Karen Feehan.

[Jay]

Oh, come on now. Come on. She comes, everybody. She's been here four times. Maybe the most people have been on it, and she do great every time.

[Alex (Producer)]

And in the lead with 14 points, big J. Okerson.

[Jay]

You guys don't even know this show. You are here for what could be a monumental night. Now, I want to let you know, this has happened so many times and I still lose. So if I win, know you were here for one of them nights.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We've had like 70 episodes. He's won five.

[Jay]

Alex.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's here every week.

[Jay]

I. It's my show, Alex. Story number seven.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number seven. One time, I got into an argument with a person over a parking spot. After they went into the store, I put my boogers underneath the door handle of their car.

[Jay]

This might be the Louis Katz we don't know. A silent booger attack.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That is such a disgusting, savage thing to do.

[Jay]

I get it. I like the idea. But I'm also grossed out by it so much because all this stuff like this makes me think. I go, how many people have been like, that guy sucks. Let me put boogers on his fork.

[Luis J. Gomez]

On his fork.

[Jay]

Just whatever.

[Karen Feehan]

You have a booger wall.

[Luis J. Gomez]

A booger wall? Yeah, I do.

[Karen Feehan]

Yeah.

[Jay]

What do you mean?

[Karen Feehan]

Growing up, didn't you, like, pick your boogers?

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, my mom.

[Jay]

I did.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I would flick my boogers and they would land on the wall and they like booger guy. That's. They were all over the ceiling and all over the wall. And one day my mom just noticed.

[Karen Feehan]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And then she started picking out all the boogers everywhere, and she lost her mind.

[Jay]

And I remember she should have.

[Luis J. Gomez]

My mom had. My mom had throat cancer, so she had her vocal cords fried so she could only wear whisper. So she just whisper yelled, bookers.

[Jay]

Thank God your father was stabbed before he could see that. Shame. We can only thank the Lord Christ that Lewis's father was struck down by an agent of God to make sure he wasn't there to see Lewis flick his boogers into a collection.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, they're collecting. I would just. I would just. You know, they get them on your finger and flick that. Other than I get stuck in your thumb and you.

[Jay]

I hate what you're saying. It's making me actual visibly nauseous. I'm turning Green like a booger.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Loy Lo.

[Louie Katz]

Yeah, you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You have a little savage in you.

[Louie Katz]

You think so?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think so. You also.

[Jay]

I mean, now with the shaved head, you're definitely a booger.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You also have a giant Jewish nose. I feel like you can get access to all those boogers. What are you talking.

[Jay]

That's a beautiful nose.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Nose got a nice nose.

[Louie Katz]

That's why you bring me on the show? So you can make Jujubes.

[Jay]

Not me. I'm Jewish as well, so. No, I think your nose is nice.

[Louie Katz]

Thank you.

[Jay]

I got a bigger nose than you. And I don't have a really Jewy nose either.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't know.

[Louie Katz]

I just.

[Dan St. Germain]

Beautiful guys.

[Jay]

Dan, Jay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Thanks, Jason. Jay's nose is so Jewish that he has three piercings on one side. Damn it.

[Jay]

I never overthought the fact that I have so much nose. You can pierce it so many times.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I should get three more piercings.

[Jay]

I should get seven more piercings in this nostril. Like, sorry, guys. Turns out Ashkenazi on 23andMe. So I threw down with it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jay saw Water World, and he was like, I like that aesthetic.

[Jay]

Hell, yeah, dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Remember Water World?

[Jay]

Yeah. You guys are all gonna drink my water piss. Watch Water World and you'll laugh at that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So, I mean, this is a pretty sad. I only. Look. I only started driving not that long ago. Go.

[Jay]

This might quietly be a Karen story.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, I'm not Karen. Karen doesn't drive, though.

[Karen Feehan]

True.

[Jay]

Yeah, but she's super into kink, and maybe boogers is someone's thing.

[Karen Feehan]

I'm not a booger girl.

[Louie Katz]

You have very small nostrils.

[Jay]

Yeah, but what if it's in a booger? Domination.

[Karen Feehan]

I feel like your guys's nostrils shoot out like Star David boogers.

[Jay]

No, I smoke cigarettes. It's a hole. It's just there's always something coming out.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Dsg. This could be a dsg.

[Karen Feehan]

He's really quiet.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, he's being super quiet.

[Karen Feehan]

I know, but I feel like he doesn't have hard boogers. I feel like you have mushy boogers. And those aren't really.

[Jay]

No, but those are going for smearing. For smearing behind a door.

[Karen Feehan]

Oh, you're smearing. It's you.

[Jay]

Me?

[Karen Feehan]

Yeah, you're the booger guy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, Jay, you also have. You have crazy road rage.

[Jay]

Can I tell you something?

[Luis J. Gomez]

If it was three stories in a row, Big J on the second round, I quit the show today.

[Jay]

Don't worry.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That'd be insane.

[Jay]

I agree. You should quit the show if that's the case. But it's not. It's not. Don't worry about it. But I will say this. And. And Louis is right. I do have like road rage stuff. An argument. Before I did this, I would stupidly, by the way, I acknowledge completely sane and not angry at all. This is stupid. I kick this. I kick a. The guy's door in or key it. Like I do something far more. More aggressive than putting boogers underneath it. That's not my thing. It's so I would do. By the way, boogers is a better solution. I. When someone does something like that. Like if somebody parks, I take so much time re parking a thousand times to make sure I'm not blocking somebody into their car. Like, blocking their door in that if somebody blocks me in, I treat their car like e. Honda in Street Fighter. I'll beat the living out of it for points.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I remember one time I. I was dating a. A comedian. Not Karen, not Cam. A different one.

[Jay]

Another psycho.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Another psycho. And she got out and there was these black chicks that parked next to us. And these black chicks were just like, kind of grilling this girl. And she was kind of like some meek, kind of like white chick. She was nervous. And these black chicks were just being so like, yo, yo, yo, what you looking at? And then they walked.

[Jay]

They just left.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They walked into the. The mall or whatever it was was. So then I. I keyed the. Out of their entire car, like, all over the place. I was like, why would you just leave your car with me? I'm Puerto Rican.

[Jay]

Hand turkey.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Is that a crime?

[Jay]

Nope. Yes.

[Louie Katz]

Yes, it definitely is, but not to me.

[Jay]

Not emotionally. To me, it wasn't.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I love how Alex's lawyer mother just.

[Jay]

Went, yes, mind your business, Angel.

[Louie Katz]

I. I have no idea who this is. It's so diabolical. You know, it takes a real like. Like kind of a psycho. And they're like, planning. I don't know.

[Dan St. Germain]

This feels like a very. How they caught the Golden State killer. You know, like, Golden State.

[Jay]

They.

[Louie Katz]

They tested.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, you are from San Fran.

[Jay]

That's right. This is big. Steep, steep urban hill behavior.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, Big J's voting early, not me.

[Jay]

Don't pace your whole thing off me, dude. Live your life.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I. I'm getting Louie Cat's vibes, but now I'm feeling it can't be three stories in a row in the second round for Big J.

[Jay]

It can, though.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It can. But that's insane.

[Jay]

No, you should.

[Luis J. Gomez]

If. No, if that's the case, we're going to change the rule where that can't happen. That's insane. Dude. Joey. You wrote Joey?

[Jay]

I wrote Jay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, no. It can't be just sheer numbers.

[Karen Feehan]

Oh, I'm so. I don't know.

[Jay]

It can be. I don't like people. I. I. By the way, I fought over a parking spot before in my life.

[Karen Feehan]

Are you putting down.

[Jay]

But the question is, am I a. Enough to simply put boogers?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Louie Katz with a boogery nose.

[Jay]

That's how I feel. I feel. It's Louis Katz.

[Dan St. Germain]

Are we allowed to vote now?

[Luis J. Gomez]

What's going on? Yeah, you can vote.

[Dan St. Germain]

I'm gonna go with Gomez.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Gomez. Stupid vote. Daw. She wrote daw. Dan.

[Karen Feehan]

I wrote Dan. It's just a bad end.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They're all bad. They're all bad ends. Karen.

[Jay]

I. I did Louis Katz with a Jewish star with boogers leaking off of it. All right.

[Louie Katz]

I'm pretty sure. Pretty. It's one of YouTube.

[Jay]

This is all over the place.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This is a wild ground, Alex. All of our answers are in.

[Jay]

Catches made me think it's not him at all.

[Louie Katz]

Let's hear it.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number seven belongs to Karen Lewis J. Gomez.

[Louie Katz]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Wow, that's cool. I didn't realize you were such a.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude, I was.

[Jay]

For ourselves.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I was pulling into CVS in Jersey, and this is. This was way too recently. This was last winter.

[Jay]

When you were still in your 40s.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude, I was deep into my 40s, and I was pulling into a spot in CVS and this other was pulling into the. Trying to pull in the same spot. There was a hundred open spots. We had no reason to argue, but it was like a pissing contest with a woman. And I was like. I was like. And then she. She got it, and I was like, oh, you. Then I pulled in, and I just watched her walk in, and I just dug every booger that I could get out of my nose. There's not much more to. So I put them all under the handle of her car.

[Louie Katz]

Did you dig more than once?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I mean, I literally got. I must have been sick or something.

[Louie Katz]

So you digged in, you put it on, and then you put your finger back in your nose?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I probably.

[Louie Katz]

That's disgusting.

[Jay]

You got to get up in there.

[Karen Feehan]

What did the chick look like?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I have no idea. I don't remember.

[Jay]

Mega hot.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, no, she wasn't. She was like a. I'm just picturing.

[Karen Feehan]

Her collecting your boogers and, like, casting a spell.

[Jay]

Damn it. And I should have. When she were arguing with a person. That was very telling because Exactly. Why wouldn't you get out and aggressively have a physical or screaming after the person because it was a chick this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Woman needed under the handle of her car?

[Jay]

No, you did the right thing, dude. Hand turkey.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Me hand turkey. Alex, seven stories down, we have one more round. Where are up one points at all, right?

[Alex (Producer)]

In last place with seven points, Louis Katz.

[Louie Katz]

I'm still in last place after that.

[Jay]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Louie Katz]

How? I wanna. How?

[Jay]

Simple math.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Seriously, simple math.

[Dan St. Germain]

No, no, no, no.

[Louie Katz]

Don't. I get two. I get.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you had three points, right? You had three points and then you got four points for that round. So you have seven now, but maybe.

[Louie Katz]

I should get more. All right, never mind.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex.

[Alex (Producer)]

In fourth place with 10 points, Dan St. Germaine.

[Dan St. Germain]

Oh, I'm doing worse than I thought.

[Jay]

In sixth place, with two hard nipples, this chick.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Hey, they came back harder in third.

[Jay]

What did you do out there? Did you ice him up?

[Alex (Producer)]

In third place with 1212 points, Karen Feehan. In second place with 13 points, Luis J. Gomez. And holding on to the lead with 14 points, Big J Okerson.

[Jay]

Christine, there's a strong chance you don't get hit tonight. She hates Wednesdays.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We have one more story, folks, and.

[Jay]

Let me let you know what the fuck we're throwing down for here. Why this is so important to me. Because I want to bring home the Upper west side Catholics. Which explains how the Ascension Church was one of the first parishes in the archdiocese to offer a spiritual home to lg LGBTQ Catholics and continues to support the Ascension Gay Fellowship Group. The parish. Why did everybody shut down? The parish continues to flourish due to the powerful presence of two defining characteristics. Immigration and neighborhood change. No, no, no, sir, no, no. Sit down. There's. There's one more story. Everything comes down to this. I'm sorry. Block the doors. You could be here for a night that I do it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Truly anybody's game, but mostly mine.

[Jay]

And I've only won six times in one and a half years.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Truly, anybody could win this right now. If you look at the points. Yeah, anybody could win it.

[Louie Katz]

I don't feel like I could.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Louie, you can win this.

[Louie Katz]

All right.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This is it. All right, let's take a quick moment to thank Ridge for jumping onto the storywars train. We love Ridge. We love their wallets, we love their backpacks, their travel gear, their suitcases. Amazing products. But I want to talk about their brand new 5 in 1 travel power bank that has built in cables that lets you charge all of your devices at the same time with just one power bank and no wires. Jay, you talk. You were just talking to me about this yesterday. About how this is saving your life on the road.

[Jay]

Hotels. We're in hotels all the time. I throw this. This sits in my duffel bag. And when I get there, I can charge all the electronics I need because you never know what you're going to everything. When I leave the room, I need two sets of headphones. My phone, it's just. It's non stop. So everything's dying constantly.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And they got. It's got a mag safe, wireless charging. It's got Apple watch charger, they got lightning USB C. Literally every way that you need to charge anything on one device. 20 watts of power, 10,000 MHz capacity. I think that's. I think that's how they made the. The DeLorean fly. Right? Right.

[Jay]

That was 1.21 gigawatts. I believe that is the shot of electricity that made Electro.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, okay. Well. Turned J.

[Jay]

Fox into Electro.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's pretty powerful either way. Pretty powerful. And like everything that Ridge makes, it is truly built to last. Free shipping, 99 day risk free trial and a lifetime warranty. This is the last power bank that you're ever going to need. You got one thing to pack. Five ways to power. You can find Ridges Power bank at Best Buy or. Or you can get it for a discount and support the show. That's the best way to do it. Is just the best way. Go to rich.com, use that promo code wars with a Z. W a R Z W A R Z W A R Z. We're gonna give you 10 off. What a deal. 10 off. Huge deal. This is on their website. Go there, get a wallet, get a power bank, get a. Get a piece of luggage, get whatever you need to get. Ridge has got you covered. Great company. They support the show that you love. Ridge.com use that promo code, wars with a Z and save 10. All right, where were we?

[Jay]

Alex, for the love of Christ. Story number eight.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number eight. I got caught in the middle of a beef between rival capoeira guys.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Jay]

Dude. All three of my stories now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Capoeira.

[Jay]

Yeah, it's Brazilian dancing karate.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Nobody saw that one movie was Power of One with Mark Dacaskis. You were wondering.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh yeah, Hand turkey. He was a teacher. It was before.

[Jay]

Like, he was a teacher teaching bad kids. It was like Dangerous Minds. But instead of teaching dancing, instead of teaching them backwards Chairman poetry with a leather jacket on, he brought them out and made them fight to the death in Brazilian dancing karate. The Power of One, starring Mark Dacaskas. Mark Dacaskis, who now became the host of Iron Chef. Mark Dacaskas.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, this is. There's. There's very little.

[Jay]

This is definitely. When Louis Katz did his Thailand tour, he got wrapped up in some capoeiras.

[Karen Feehan]

I can't even pronounce that.

[Dan St. Germain]

Yeah, I feel like capiera.

[Jay]

You know what?

[Karen Feehan]

I thought it was like capoetta.

[Jay]

This sounds like. This sounds like Karen walking through the wrong neighborhood and getting caught between capoeira beef. She was hot chicken her way through shaking her ass. And then two Brazilian guys fought over her.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I feel like, yeah, Louie did grow up in San Francisco, which is like.

[Louie Katz]

I did not actually.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, you started comedy there? Is that what it is? Yeah. Where'd you grow up?

[Louie Katz]

La.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's like, Brazil.

[Jay]

In a capoeira dojo. Where'd you grow up? You didn't grow up in a dojo. What was your art? It's. It from.

[Louie Katz]

It's Thailand. It's Asian or it's Brazil.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Brazilian. But he might be playing a game right now.

[Jay]

Remember Eddie Gordo from Tekken?

[Louie Katz]

Yes.

[Jay]

Eddie Gordo did tech capo.

[Louie Katz]

Okay, okay, okay. And he was Brazilian.

[Jay]

Yeah. Well, he read black, but sure. Yeah.

[Karen Feehan]

I can picture Lou, like flirting, like hitting on a girl and she's like, what do you do? Like, work out.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's like, karen, did your pills kick in? What the wrong with you right now?

[Jay]

I imagine Ghost Louie cast.

[Karen Feehan]

Let me finish.

[Dan St. Germain]

I love the new Xanax character you're doing.

[Jay]

Oh yeah. Karen Heberg pulling through. You guys know thing about onliners, I have a point.

[Dan St. Germain]

The Terry Sho of comedy.

[Jay]

Karen.

[Karen Feehan]

You can't picture Louie hitting on a girl and being like, I you a little capoeira for like a workout.

[Jay]

Dude, this is Karen's dream. The time she walked through somewhere and two dancing karate guys fist fought over her. That's awesome.

[Karen Feehan]

Is it? Cuz I'm really good at saying capoeira.

[Jay]

Yes. You go, oh my God. Guys, don't capoeira over little old me. Are you guys gonna capoe over stupid?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I just don't think that Karen would know what capoeira is.

[Karen Feehan]

It's not me. This is gay. This is Louis Katz again.

[Dan St. Germain]

But she pretended she didn't know how to pronounce it, but then she pronounced it perfectly.

[Louie Katz]

You get pronounced it and you pronounced it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I did pronounce.

[Jay]

Listen, everybody, we all saw the movie. Cap is the power of what Mark the Costco. I would argue it was the only mark the Costco's vehicle in Hollywood.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We all learned about Capoetta. We were home. Home from school. Sick in the sixth grade. We watched that movie, the Power of one.

[Jay]

Yeah, he told you is. Hey, guys, stop gang banging and do dancing gay karate.

[Louie Katz]

Who was the actor?

[Jay]

Mark Dacas. IMDb and I'm killing this. Thank you, sir. He gets it. Finally, a guy you don't remember.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You don't remember this.

[Dan St. Germain]

That looks familiar.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, I didn't know that. Jay knows. Kep away.

[Jay]

Dude, I've been stuck in dark arts for years. I had to kill a man in Thailand to get my yellow belt. It's not even the blackest belt. This is Karen. She stoked up two fucking dumb goofy Asian guys or Brazilian guys in the front.

[Karen Feehan]

J, I think it's big. I swear to God, it's not me.

[Jay]

You think I've walked through dancing karate battles in the house somehow inserted myself?

[Karen Feehan]

Yeah, you saw.

[Jay]

Hey, guys. What are you guys fighting over?

[Dan St. Germain]

Little old me?

[Luis J. Gomez]

It could be Karen. It could be Louie. I can see Louie just walking down the streets of San Francisco. They're all heroin addicts dancing for something.

[Louie Katz]

And I get in the. They get in the middle of the beef.

[Luis J. Gomez]

In the middle of the beef.

[Louie Katz]

Are they fighting over me?

[Jay]

Hey, why don't you guys just dance and stop fighting like a bunch of queefs?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Karen did know the name Capoeira. She said it properly.

[Karen Feehan]

Capoeira.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You know what? Look, I'm gonna vote Karen.

[Karen Feehan]

It's not me.

[Jay]

If it's you, Louis, I'm gonna do two things. I'm gonna kick you in the back of the leg, I'm gonna clunk your face on the table, and then I'm gonna run. I'm gonna leave out.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Because you know I'm gonna start break dance fighting you.

[Jay]

I know at that point, if the crowd starts chanting, pounding away, you're wrong.

[Karen Feehan]

You're wrong, Karen Feehan. Somebody just did really well, but it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It.

[Karen Feehan]

It wasn't me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Is she good? Is she this.

[Jay]

This good? Alex, the final story. All answers are in.

[Alex (Producer)]

The final story belongs to Louie Katz.

[Jay]

Boom.

[Louie Katz]

I think I got double points on that one. I thought I'd say that in everyone else who said that would happen? Okay, well, that was. Was one.

[Jay]

Story Warrior. You have to have won the game to activate double points.

[Louie Katz]

Oh.

[Jay]

That.

[Louie Katz]

Why that? Double points that, man.

[Jay]

You have to have won the game. You didn't win the game.

[Louie Katz]

What? You just said it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No. A game at any point in your career, once you.

[Jay]

Once you win, once you become a story. And then I can come back, and.

[Louie Katz]

Then every Time I say it, they'll cheer.

[Jay]

Yes, absolutely.

[Louie Katz]

No, whatever.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tell the story. What happened here? What happened with this capoeira beef?

[Louie Katz]

I'm in Brazil, where I live.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You were in Brazil?

[Louie Katz]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You lived in Brazil?

[Louie Katz]

Yeah, I lived in Brazil.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's crazy.

[Jay]

Yeah, studying capoeira. You don't know that about him.

[Karen Feehan]

I was trying to tell you guys, but you accused me of being on pills.

[Jay]

You know what? That was shitty of us. Let me be the first to apologize, Karen. You're not on pills at all. You're fine.

[Louie Katz]

I was in. I was in Brazil. And I guess they have rival capoeira games, which I didn't even know there was. And I was camping with one in the jungle. We were hanging out with me and two capoeiristas, as they call them. And I got real high with them.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They're capoeira guys that serve coffee.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Louie Katz]

You don't speak your own language? Language. It's sad.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They were capoistas.

[Jay]

Foam leaf.

[Louie Katz]

I couldn't. I didn't know Portuguese. They didn't speak English, but I spoke a little bit. But I was high. I couldn't understand it. And I just. They got. One of them got in a fight.

[Luis J. Gomez]

With another one, so they had a capoeira matcha. Sorry. Good.

[Jay]

It was hand turkey worthy.

[Louie Katz]

Anyway, the next day, I'm just walking down the jungle with one of them. Like, what happens? Like, oh, this rival gang beat up with the other guy, so now we have to leave the island. I'm like, what's going on? Do they have guns? He goes, I hope not. I was like, what? And next thing I know, this guy runs down the jungle path, jump kicks the other guy. He's fighting two other capoeira guys and he puts his stuff down. He starts fighting them. And I did the. The right thing. I ran.

[Jay]

No, you're supposed to start singing pan and away. Panning away.

[Dan St. Germain]

No, no.

[Louie Katz]

I got grabbed his stuff and I.

[Dan St. Germain]

Ran to get help.

[Louie Katz]

And by the time I was there, they'd let him go. And we just had to leave the island because that was their island and we're in the wrong turf of the.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Of the. Turns out those guys were also the Jabbawis.

[Jay]

Nice. That sounds like the alternate ending. The Karate Kid too. Holy fantastic story. Couldn't guess where we're at. Couldn't guess.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All of our. All of our stories are done. Give us our final spread. I think I know who won.

[Alex (Producer)]

All right. In last place, with 10 points, Dan St. Germain.

[Dan St. Germain]

Oh, man. Sorry, guys. I'm sorry, mom.

[Alex (Producer)]

Tied for third place with 13 points each, Louis J. Gomez and Louis Katz.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Third.

[Alex (Producer)]

Second place scored 14 points. And your winner tonight with 16 points, Karen Feehan.

[Jay]

Oh, What? What?

[Dan St. Germain]

Congrats.

[Jay]

I won.

[Dan St. Germain]

You earned it.

[Jay]

I won.

[Karen Feehan]

Wait, really? Yeah, I won.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're the winner.

[Karen Feehan]

Oh, my God. I don't understand. I don't understand the point system at all.

[Jay]

Everybody, welcome your newest story warrior, Karen Feehan.

[Dan St. Germain]

Feehan, everybody.

[Jay]

I'm sick. And Karen, of course, as a story warrior, you know, now you have the privilege of triggering it.

[Karen Feehan]

Wait, I don't understand how.

[Jay]

I won't question it because of points.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Scoring, you know, in the second round, we have a certain amount of points. We double it.

[Karen Feehan]

I get to say it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Karen Feehan]

Double points.

[Jay]

How good? It feels good, right? It feels so good. Everybody, welcome your newest story warrior to the family, Karen Feehan. How about it for our entire panel over here, story wars. Dan St. Germain. Louis Katz.

[Dan St. Germain]

Thank you, everyone. Thank you, guys.

[Jay]

Your newest story warrior, Karen Feehan. She is. Welcome to the archives. Now the fucking halls. The annals of story war wars. Thank you so much for hanging out with us. We're here every Wednesday night at the New York comedy club in New York City. And, guys, check us out at home on gas digital dot com. Until next time, everybody. Peace.