Story Warz Ep. 067: Matt McCusker, Brendan Schaub, Jamar Neighbors – "Kids"

Date: November 14, 2025
Venue: Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX
Host: Big Jay Oakerson & Luis J. Gomez (GaS Digital Network)
Guests: Matt McCusker, Brendan Schaub, Jamar Neighbors

Overview

This live episode of Story Warz dives into the theme of “Kids,” with comedians Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez facing off alongside special guests Matt McCusker, Brendan Schaub, and Jamar Neighbors. They swap bizarre, hilarious, and occasionally outrageous stories from their childhoods and experiences with children, aiming to bluff and deduce which story belongs to whom. With escalating stakes ("How I Helped OJ Get Away With Murder"), the comedians skewer each other's childhood traumas, bad decisions, and occasional brushes with the law—all through their singular comic filters.

Segment Breakdown & Key Discussion Points

1. Show Introduction & Game Rules (03:09–09:56)

• The hosts banter about the venue, hype the audience, and introduce the panel.
• Game premise: Each panelist submitted anonymous stories about “kids.” Stories are read, and everyone guesses who’s the (real) storyteller. Points awarded for fooling others or guessing correctly.
• Notable reveal: Winner gets a notorious OJ Simpson book, leading to recurring dark humor about the trial.

Notable Quote:
Jay: “Every week here at Story Warz, we play for a book from the Story Warz library. Tonight’s winner takes home 'How I Helped OJ Get Away With Murder' by Mike Gilbert.” (09:12)

2. STORY #1 – Kicking & Stealing from the Teacher (10:24–18:01)

“When I was in second grade, I got kicked out of school because I kicked my teacher in her shin and stole her $20.”

Discussion Highlights:

• Panel speculates on who’s most likely to commit school violence and petty theft—Jamar, being from Compton, is suspected.
• The group explores racial/class stereotypes for comic effect but pivots to the ridiculousness of the theft.
• Jamar admits it’s his, describing kicking the teacher with Payless “outback combat boots” and accidentally learning about currency.

Notable Quote:
Jamar: “I didn’t know the difference between a 1, a 5, or a 20. So I was like, yeah, give me the one with the—”
Luis: “That’s why she was trying to teach you math.” (17:05)

3. STORY #2 – Race War Games in Gym Class (18:39–24:37)

“My gym teacher would segregate the kids by race and have us compete in race war games.”

Discussion Highlights:

• Everyone accuses Luis of inventing this story but discusses regional differences (Compton, Mississippi, Colorado, Philadelphia).
• Luis reveals it’s based on his real experience at Havershaw Middle School, where "white kids vs. Puerto Rican and Black kids" was a running joke in gym class.
• The panel riffs on unbalanced teams and gym class racism.

Notable Quote:
Luis: “We’d annihilate the white kids in every game. Every time. It was hilarious.” (24:05)

4. STORY #3 – The White Turd Poem (29:47–34:42)

“A kid who lived up the street from my house shat behind a bush on my block. I checked on the turd every day for months until one day the turd, to my great surprise, had turned a ghastly shade of white."

Discussion Highlights:

• The group marvels at the story’s poetic style, unanimously suspecting Matt due to the writing and visual detail.
• Matt admits it, describing the scientific curiosity and stark childhood memory.

Notable Moment:
Jay (mock-poetry): “Shat behind sounded like he did something beautiful. That’s just part—it’s a cycle of life.” (32:59)

5. STORY #4 – Babysitting a Knife-Wielding Child (35:59–43:40)

“I once babysat for a kid who had behavioral issues. By the end of the night, the kid spat on me and threatened my girlfriend with a knife.”

Discussion Highlights:

• Suspicions ping-pong around table (Brendan: “bad Philly kid?”) until Jay confesses; it happened while babysitting a friend’s troubled daughter.
• The kid escalated from spitting to brandishing a real kitchen knife.
• Everybody expresses suitable horror/admiration.

Notable Quote:
Jay: “She just came out screaming with a knife from the kitchen, like, at her. And then she had to go outside and then—but she’s just kinda like, 'Oh, I’m just kidding.' It was a fucking real knife.” (43:11)

6. Halftime & Plugs (44:25–48:27)

• The guests promote their current specials, major podcasts, and tour dates.
• Jay and Luis tease the second half (“double points”) and declare the game is still anyone’s to win.

Standout Line:
Jay: “How could Lewis have invented it and also always win it?” (47:25)

7. STORY #5 – Pubescent Panic (48:49–56:43)

“When I was 12, a girl I liked took off her shirt and bra… I panicked and kicked her out aggressively."

Discussion Highlights:

• Analyzing the awkward phrasing, the panel suspects Matt (the “turd poet”), but Big Jay masterfully bluffs and reveals it's his.
• Jay relives a formative, embarrassing childhood panic about boobs—leading to a massive scoring upset.

Notable Moment:
Jay (deadpan): “I just didn’t know what to do next. So I panicked and fucking threw her out.” (56:24)

8. STORY #6 – Bush-League Baseball Dad (61:02–67:00)

“I got thrown out of my kid’s little league game for almost fighting the ump. Was banned but snuck in, hiding in the bushes.”

Discussion Highlights:

• The panel instantly guesses Brendan (whose angry baseball dad moment made TMZ).
• Brendan sheepishly confirms; he almost fought a “real short nerdy guy” umpire, then tried to tree-camouflage his way through his son’s suspension(!).

Notable Quote:
Brendan: “Security was like, yeah, get the fuck out. So I went and hid in the bushes.” (66:22)

9. STORY #7 – “Found Myself” in a Hot Tub of 12-Year-Olds (69:15–77:59)

"Recently I found myself in a hot tub with about 8 to 10 12-year-old girls."

Discussion Highlights:

• The table erupts at the criminal implications (“Chris D’Elia...”), but Luis admits it’s innocuous—a hotel poolside scenario “where the kids all got in my hot tub, not the other way around.”
• The group leans hard into riffs on “age soup” and inappropriate hot tub encounters.

Notable Exchange:
Luis: “They started eating Cheetos and I watched this girl just dunk her hands in the hot tub to clean her hands.”
Jay: “You didn’t say they were fat 12-year-old girls, that changes everything!” (77:04)

10. STORY #8 – The Neighborhood Thief & The Eddie Bauer Revelation (79:29–86:54)

“There was a kid in my neighborhood who would steal stuff for us. One day he got chased out of Goodwill for stealing Eddie Bauer cargo shorts. I felt bad and decided to steal for myself after that.”

Discussion Highlights:

• The group psychoanalyzes each other, questioning who cares about “Eddie Bauer” or "feeling bad."
• Matt finally cops to it, describing a too-willing friend who specialized in pilfering cigarettes and cheap shorts until even delinquent Matt felt pity.

Notable Quote:
Matt: “I remember even as a child, being like, that’s not right. Cigarettes from Wawa, that’s totally understandable. Cargo shorts from Goodwill… that’s low.” (86:45)

11. Final Scoring & Wrap-Up (87:04–88:28)

• Final Points:
  • Winner: Luis J. Gomez – 19 points
  • Big J Okerson – 18 points
  • Brendan Schaub – 16 points
  • Matt McCusker – 13 points
  • Jamar Neighbors – 9 points
• Jay reflects on nearly winning, Luis celebrates, the OJ Simpson book is delivered. Massive applause for all guests.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jay (on pedophile accusations): “This is going to look bad. Stupid Radisson in…” (69:36)
• Luis (about his “race wars” PE classes): “We’d annihilate the white kids in every game. Every time.” (24:05)
• Matt (recalling turd-watching): “And one day it was just white, and I was real little, and I was like, I didn’t know poop turned white outside. I still think I can picture it right now.” (34:00)
• Brendan (baseball bush story): “I kind of panicked and went, you’re a fucking dork. And he goes, oh am I? Well, I’m not the one missing my son’s game next.” (65:47)
• Jamar: “You know how I know it’s not me? Because I wouldn’t say 12-year-old girls—I would say 12-year-old bitches.” (73:29)

Episode Timestamps for Key Segments

• Introduction & rules – 03:09–09:56
• Story 1 (“Teacher Shin Kick & $20”) – 10:24
• Story 2 (“Race War Gym Class”) – 18:39
• Story 3 (“White Turd Watching”) – 29:47
• Story 4 (“Knife-wielding Babysitting”) – 35:59
• Halftime & plugs – 44:25
• Story 5 (“Pubescent Panic”) – 48:49
• Story 6 (“Baseball Ump Bush Ambush”) – 61:02
• Story 7 (Hot Tubgate) – 69:15
• Story 8 (“The Neighborhood Thief & Cargo Shorts”) – 79:29
• Final results – 87:04

Tone & Takeaways

Hilarious, rowdy, and frequently self-skewering, Story Warz blends competitive storytelling with classic roast energy. The hosts and guests riff relentlessly, dive into dark and awkward tales with zero filter, and keep the crowd teased and laughing. Beneath the chaos, the show is a showcase for the art of storytelling—and for the way comedians build bonds of trust and comedy gold out of their real-life cringe.

For fans of unfiltered, fast-paced, story-driven comedy, this episode is a riotous highlight of the genre, and a testament to why Story Warz works so well live.