Loading summary
Announcer
Why choose a sleep number Smart bed.
Heidi Regina
Can I make my site softer?
Tim Butterly
Can I make my site firmer?
Big J Okerson
Can we sleep cooler? Sleep number does that cools up to.
Announcer
Eight times faster and lets you choose.
Louis J. Gomez
Your ideal comfort on either side your sleep number setting.
Big J Okerson
Enjoy personalized comfort for better sleep night after night.
Announcer
It's our Black Friday sale recharged this.
Louis J. Gomez
Season with a bundle of cozy, soothing comfort.
Tim Butterly
Now only $17.99 for our C2 mattress.
Announcer
And base plus free premium delivery. Price is higher in Alaska and Hawaii. Check it out at a sleep number store or sleepnumber.com today. What's going on?
Louis J. Gomez
Story Warriors. If you love Story wars and you want to be a part of the live audience, come out to the New York Comedy Club every Wednesday night at 7:45pm to be a part of the show.
Big J Okerson
Don't be a piece of. Just get your tickets and come.
Louis J. Gomez
It's fun face new yorkcomedyclub.com hey, Story Warriors.
Announcer
Black Friday sales are here for the rest of the month@storywarsmerch.com every item is buy two, get one free shirt.
Louis J. Gomez
Toadies and brand new mugs now available.
Announcer
We got the double point shirt, we got the logo shirts. Many more coming soon.
Big J Okerson
So if you head on over right now to Story wars merch, that's wars with a Z. Story wars merch dot com. Get your merch today. All right, let's start the show.
Louis J. Gomez
Fill her up.
Big J Okerson
You're listening to the gas Digital network.
Louis J. Gomez
Ladies and gentlemen, live from the comedy.
Tim Butterly
Mothership in Austin, Texas.
Louis J. Gomez
It's Story War with the Story Warriors, Big J Okerson and Louis J. Gomez.
Big J Okerson
What's up, mothership? Welcome to Story Wars Austin edition, Austin, Texas.
Louis J. Gomez
We love coming to you guys. How you guys feeling tonight?
Duncan Trussell
This is great.
Announcer
Look at this crowd.
Louis J. Gomez
Sold out show. The main room here. The fat man here at the comedy mothership.
Big J Okerson
Easy.
Louis J. Gomez
It's our second show. We're both the fat gay bitch room over here at the.
Big J Okerson
You cocksucker. You know, this has been a tough night for me already. We always ask this of our crowds. Who here is familiar with the game Story Wars? It's pretty good.
Louis J. Gomez
Who here is not familiar with the game Story Wars? Fuck you. Fucking pieces of shit. Suck my dick, fam.
Big J Okerson
Let's terrify them.
Louis J. Gomez
We don't want any new people to be involved in this different.
Big J Okerson
Different.
Louis J. Gomez
You guys are gonna love it. You're gonna have a lot of fun tonight. I promise you guys.
Big J Okerson
Yeah. If we're gonna explain it's a very easy show that we've Made very complicated, but we'll explain it once we get our esteemed panel up on this stage. Our first contestant, you know him from the dad Meat podcast, the Tim Butterly Show. He is a former story warrior with a top career score of 63 points right here. Wow. Make some noise for new Austin residents. The Is Tim Butterly in the house? Oh, the people have spoken, and they won. Butterly.
Tim Butterly
Is that kind of an ass stat, though, having the most points but only one win?
Big J Okerson
Well, you've only done it a couple times. I. I don't know if you know this. I've played every one of them, and I have five more wins than you.
Louis J. Gomez
Our next competitor making her Story wars debut. She had a podcast called Love on the Line. You know her from Kill. Tony, clap it up for the beautiful Heidi Regina.
Heidi Regina
Oh, my goodness. I am so excited to be here.
Louis J. Gomez
I'm excited to look at you.
Heidi Regina
They usually don't let me speak in this building, so the tides are.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh, my God. The lovely Heidi, who I'm pretending to be attracted to because I like men.
Big J Okerson
Dude, what if every time she talks in the balcony, we just hear Tony go tsst?
Heidi Regina
That'd be perfect.
Big J Okerson
Our final, last but not least contestant. First time. No, not first time on the show.
Louis J. Gomez
No. Second.
Big J Okerson
Second time on the show. He is currently on tour and you know from the Duncan Trussell Family Hour, it is the great Duncan Trussell.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, buddy. Oh.
Big J Okerson
Now that we have our esteemed panel up here, if you're not familiar with story awards or it's your first time listening at home, I'll explain the game real quick. Everybody on this panel, Louis and I included, all five of us, have submitted three to five stories on one particular topic. Tonight's topic, dreams. Alex, our lovely producer, is going to take eight of those stories and in random order and read them off one at a time. It's going to come up on this screen. If it is your story, you're the only person who knows that it's your job to fool everybody that it's not your story. And if it's not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.
Louis J. Gomez
Every time you guess the story correctly, you get two points. Every time you fool a person on the panel, you get one points. So when it's your story, you have an opportunity to get four points. Once you write your answer on the dry erase board. Put the dry erase board in the slot and remove your hand. That is your final answer. You can't change your answer. And I'll tell you right Now. Yes, Jay.
Tim Butterly
Heidi's making the guys so horny over there.
Louis J. Gomez
Now, now, Heidi, come here. Oh, Heidi.
Tim Butterly
That's just the thing we do on the show. It's like a running gang.
Big J Okerson
Oh, yeah. I'm like Rich. I'm like Richard Dawkins on the old Family Feud. I'm gonna finger you. But I'm fingering everybody.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, it's weird.
Big J Okerson
It's not just you. Don't make it about you.
Louis J. Gomez
And I'll tell you right now, listen, this game is a ton of fun. A ton of fun. It's the most fun you're gonna ever have at a live podcast. But we're not playing for fun. Jay. Let him know what we're playing for.
Big J Okerson
Every week here at Story wars, we're competing heavily for a book from the Story wars library. This week's winner takes home the Book of Useless Information by Noel Botham.
Heidi Regina
Jay's never read anything Life, by the way.
Big J Okerson
So the Book of Useless Information is a pointless collection of fun facts, odd history, and answers to questions nobody's ever needed to ask. You'll find out fascinating information about all sorts of things, such as ketchup originated in China, and Hitler was claustrophobic.
Louis J. Gomez
Did you know that blueberry jelly bellies were created especially for Ronald Reagan? Really?
Heidi Regina
Yeah.
Big J Okerson
Yeah, I like that, dude. Get everybody hungry for it. I think everybody that understands is gonna understand. If not, you're gonna pick it up along the way. But I think this crowd is ready for war.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. Come on. Are you ready for war?
Announcer
Q. Q.
Big J Okerson
Cut off the ears and make a necklace of ears.
Louis J. Gomez
Me familia, Mi familia.
Big J Okerson
Give me that. Give me your daughter. She's a woman now. She's a woman now. Disgraced. Kill her. Kill her in front of.
Announcer
Dude.
Big J Okerson
Why is war as hell? Alexandra? Story number one.
Alex (Producer)
Story number one. I recently had a dream that a comedian shot me in the stomach at a comedy show.
Big J Okerson
Yeah, it's Heidi with cum.
Louis J. Gomez
No, that was my dream. Shit.
Big J Okerson
We are stupid.
Louis J. Gomez
So. Yeah, I mean, how do you even approach this right now?
Heidi Regina
I mean, I don't have a stomach, so it's gotta be J. Wow. Yeah. Roasted burn.
Louis J. Gomez
Holy shit. Wow.
Big J Okerson
Okay. Your fucking ass is perfect.
Heidi Regina
You're supposed to make me feel.
Big J Okerson
I was looking at it. I was looking at it back there. It's really great.
Heidi Regina
Thank you, Jay.
Big J Okerson
Fucking bitch.
Heidi Regina
I think it's Jay.
Big J Okerson
I think it's Heidi. Then.
Louis J. Gomez
I would say Heidi probably feels very threatened by comedians all the time. Like, just because comedians are creepy, I'm sure. Who's been the creepiest comedian to you since you started. You bitch.
Big J Okerson
Why would you. I mean, buddy, in my head, I.
Louis J. Gomez
Was going like, that's the truth. I haven't been that creepy.
Heidi Regina
Heidi, you are literally the only one who's ever been creepy. Tim. Angel. Angel.
Tim Butterly
You hear that, pussy?
Louis J. Gomez
Get me From Keep name five.
Heidi Regina
Get out of my DMs, Lewis.
Big J Okerson
What the.
Heidi Regina
I'm not going to Jamaica with you. Okay, for the millionth time.
Louis J. Gomez
Holy. The legion are getting decimated by Heidi.
Heidi Regina
I don't think it's Jay.
Big J Okerson
Story. Story. Warriors have been.
Louis J. Gomez
Story, war, whatever. We are so up. Heidi.
Big J Okerson
Oh, dude, that was fantastic. I really enjoyed that. Lewis is the only creepy person. I don't know about creepy, but I just know that Heidi's one of the few people I've seen. Like, when Louis does his. I can tell when he's laying it on. Cause you hear this out of him as he says something. You could watch from far away and see him go. You would give it a lot of.
Alex (Producer)
Arm on the wall.
Big J Okerson
Yeah, stuff like that. I don't know. Single father, but I'm getting by.
Duncan Trussell
It's Gomez.
Louis J. Gomez
Whoa.
Duncan Trussell
And this is why. I'll tell you why.
Louis J. Gomez
Okay, Duncan, please tell us.
Big J Okerson
His father was stabbed in the stomach and he was.
Duncan Trussell
Weren't you sodomized with a gun?
Louis J. Gomez
Sodomized with a gun.
Big J Okerson
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
But by that logic, so is Jay.
Big J Okerson
It's true, right?
Duncan Trussell
That's true.
Big J Okerson
But I hated it.
Duncan Trussell
Exactly. Exactly. It woke something up inside of you. This is my analysis. It woke something inside of you. It lit a fuse. Let's put it like that. And your dream is the explosion of desire. Because when you were penetrated by that gun. Just tell me if I'm wrong. You thought about your father.
Heidi Regina
We've got Freud over here.
Louis J. Gomez
Freudian.
Big J Okerson
Is this how Colts start? Wow. Sold. What's our next move, Duncan? Are we mobilizing? Are we laying in the cut?
Heidi Regina
Tim is too quiet.
Louis J. Gomez
Tim's been. Tim hasn't said a goddamn word up here.
Big J Okerson
He's on bath salts.
Tim Butterly
I think it's Heidi.
Big J Okerson
Yeah.
Alex (Producer)
Why?
Tim Butterly
I don't know. Something about the wording strikes me as someone who is not a comedian. That's the way you would phrase it if you were murdered by a comedian and it wasn't also a comic. I don't know why. And also, it's like, yeah, it's got to be. Fucking hell. Standing behind that curtain with just like a million guys with one arm and a stutter.
Heidi Regina
But I know that they would.
Tim Butterly
I like whatever their intentions are. Whatever your interactions are, like, that's just like a high cortisol environment for your brain to be in. And so I think. I think it made you worry in the night. I'm going, heidi, sorry.
Heidi Regina
I still think it's kind of Tim right now. Now I'm trying to. I'm. I'm changing.
Tim Butterly
Make up your mind.
Heidi Regina
I'm a Libra.
Big J Okerson
Sorry. I'm sorry, dude.
Louis J. Gomez
I don't know.
Tim Butterly
I'm trying to get out in front of whatever you're gonna say to me.
Big J Okerson
He's just coming with heat. So you ain't gonna prepare.
Louis J. Gomez
All right, I'm putting my vote down. Heidi. I don't know what it is. I just feel like you probably feel threatened by comedians all the time, and I think that's where the logic comes from. The subconscious kicks in.
Heidi Regina
I still don't have a stomach, though. It's Tim, I think.
Big J Okerson
Fat fuck.
Heidi Regina
I changed my mind.
Tim Butterly
I like me.
Heidi Regina
And I feel like you're at comedy shows.
Alex (Producer)
Story number one belongs to Louis J. Gomez.
Louis J. Gomez
That's right. I come out and take an early lead. Duncan, you're onto me. Yeah. No. So there was a. I wouldn't say who it is. There's a comedian who's been weirdly threatening me online for, like, six months to a year. Like, all the time. Like. Like Sean guy.
Big J Okerson
He's been haunting your dreams.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. So I had a dream. I had a dream that he showed up at a comedy show, and I turned around the corner, he was there, and he pulled out a handgun and he shot me right in the stomach. And as soon as he shot me, I opened my eyes and I was awake. And it was the first time something like that had ever happened. But it was fucking terrifying. And I'm genuinely scared.
Duncan Trussell
That's Dave.
Tim Butterly
And he's hearing this right now, just stroking.
Duncan Trussell
You know what's wild. Do you know what? Aside from being assassinated, Martin Luther King and John Lennon.
Louis J. Gomez
He had a dream. That's the theme of today's show.
Duncan Trussell
They both dreamed. They both dreamed that they were days before that they were gonna be shot.
Louis J. Gomez
Really?
Duncan Trussell
Isn't that weird?
Heidi Regina
Foreshadowing.
Louis J. Gomez
That's crazy. Thank you, Duncan, for making me feel worse. I know.
Big J Okerson
It's a phenomena called premonition.
Duncan Trussell
Yeah, it's a premonition.
Louis J. Gomez
Well, that sounds awesome. I appreciate it.
Big J Okerson
This guy. This guy's not going to do good out in our wigwam, dude.
Duncan Trussell
And Gandhi, too. Gandhi.
Big J Okerson
Alex, what are our scores? After one round.
Louis J. Gomez
Duncan, nobody else heard that. That was in your head.
Alex (Producer)
On the scoreboard. After round one, with two points each, Lewis J. Gomez, Big J Okerson, and Duncan Trussell.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, Big J, like, he's like. It's like an underdog story. So now he has, like, fans in the crowd that specifically want him to win. They love him. They want him to win so, so badly. And he comes close.
Big J Okerson
I show up everywhere.
Louis J. Gomez
He comes close so often, and it gets torn right from his hands.
Big J Okerson
I make everybody have fun. They just want me to be happy.
Tim Butterly
At some point, it has to turn from, like, hope to, like, just disappointment in you, though.
Big J Okerson
No, I guess.
Tim Butterly
How long can you sustain this?
Big J Okerson
It gets to that, like, laughable, like. Like sleep. Like sleep deprived kind of like. Yeah, man. Why would it go any other way? Well, why wouldn't my own friend lie to my face seven times a week?
Louis J. Gomez
Is it eventually gonna be like. It's like a losing team, where there's nobody in the stands anymore, where I'm in trouble selling tickets.
Big J Okerson
Oh, dude. Yeah, My jersey's not selling anymore.
Louis J. Gomez
Alex. Story number two.
Alex (Producer)
Story number two. I had a nightmare that I was in a strip club, mass shooting. I ended up saving this stripper and bringing her in a car to the hospital.
Heidi Regina
Lewis. What was her name?
Big J Okerson
To me, that's got.
Tim Butterly
Now you're thinking it's Lewis, but he would not take her to the car in a hospital. Take her to the hospital in her car.
Louis J. Gomez
No, see what it says?
Big J Okerson
He saved her in the car with fucking dictum Alph resuscitation and then took her to the hospital for aftercare. Cause he wasn't in there for long. He doesn't know. He doesn't have a Heidi. She's not a phlebotomist.
Louis J. Gomez
Heidi was a lady of the night.
Announcer
How do you a stripper?
Alex (Producer)
I was not a stripper.
Heidi Regina
Get off of Reddit, Louis.
Louis J. Gomez
Were you a stripper? Were you ever a stripper?
Heidi Regina
No, I was not.
Louis J. Gomez
You were never a stripper? I really thought you were.
Heidi Regina
No.
Louis J. Gomez
Damn it. That's part of when I drink off thinking about you. You're a stripper manager, but you never did it yourself.
Heidi Regina
Correct.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh, wow. That's stripper manager.
Big J Okerson
What does that mean? Like, you walk behind him, like, fanning out money like a wrestling valet. That's right.
Heidi Regina
We here keep everyone in line.
Louis J. Gomez
You're a stripper manager?
Duncan Trussell
Yes.
Louis J. Gomez
Thank you, sir. Thank you. Guy in Duncan Trussell's head, straight up.
Duncan Trussell
Welcome.
Big J Okerson
Straight up girl. Straight pimpin'.
Louis J. Gomez
Well, I'm just saying you've spent some time in some strip clubs is what I'm saying.
Heidi Regina
Yes.
Louis J. Gomez
So this could be where your head's at. Is.
Big J Okerson
I don't think her dream would be throwing someone over her shoulder like a firefighter. This feels like a. Tim Butterly. Tim Butterly. I've watched. I went to a concert with Tim Butterly. And he's ready to step in for some. Some heroics. He's a man that sparks in action.
Tim Butterly
Oh, you're talking about me preventing a rape. That's crazy. You're talking about me literally intervening in a rape.
Big J Okerson
Tim, I don't even know what you're.
Louis J. Gomez
Hey, man, I told you I wasn't gonna rape you.
Big J Okerson
I'm bragging on your behalf. You'll jump in. You'll jump in and hang.
Tim Butterly
I thought you're making fun of it. I'm sorry. Heidi has me on the defensive.
Big J Okerson
You are really on the defense. You are wound up, my man. I'm so scared. I was like, this is the guy who would go and fucking save a str and bring her to a club. He's a heroic guy. He went. You're fat. She's right. You're fat. Why are we all getting hurt? It's only the second story of eight.
Tim Butterly
That is on me, man. I'm really sorry.
Announcer
Right now.
Duncan Trussell
This is definitely Jay, and I'll tell.
Louis J. Gomez
You why.
Big J Okerson
I do. It's not, but I'd like to listen.
Duncan Trussell
You know one thing I think we have in common? I don't know this for sure. I've never seen you in shorts. I've never said.
Big J Okerson
Is that true?
Duncan Trussell
I could be wrong.
Big J Okerson
Yeah, they're laughing.
Duncan Trussell
For that reason, don't let. No. Regardless, if the man wears shorts, he wears shorts. I think.
Louis J. Gomez
I mean, like a cartoon character. He always wears jean shorts.
Duncan Trussell
Okay, that doesn't count as shorts.
Big J Okerson
Okay, if we're not counting that as shorts, then you're right.
Louis J. Gomez
I don't wear shorts.
Duncan Trussell
Here's what I think. I think that for you, being exposed, being vulnerable, opening your heart, like what you did when you kissed Lewis, that was a beautiful moment. And brave.
Big J Okerson
It was real.
Duncan Trussell
So in this dream, you're the stripper. And that represents your most vulnerable side. And to you, exposing yourself to the world is a nightmare. And this is you saving yourself. This is you saving yourself and opening your heart to the world.
Big J Okerson
Duncan Trussell. I speak your name. I speak your name. I speak your. Louis. Relax, you dweeb. This guy over here, the. The. The commissioner of the league over here, he goes, you can't do your own self. You can't do your own stuff. I'm aware. I Play the game. I hear the speech. That was wild. No, no, no. By the way, if on the joke, I put it in. No, we all get it's a fucking joke.
Louis J. Gomez
No, you can't take your hand off it, dude.
Heidi Regina
Breaking the rules.
Louis J. Gomez
My head's gonna explode. You can't write your own name.
Big J Okerson
I hope this opens a portal.
Louis J. Gomez
You cannot write your own name.
Big J Okerson
Penalize me. I'll take no points for this round. I'm not gonna win anyway. I'm here for the ha Ha's. That's gotta be merch. Don't let Heidi draw me for the picture, though, because she's gonna make me fat.
Louis J. Gomez
Heidi, I see you haven't put it in the slot yet, but I see that you did put. Lewis, you spelled it wrong. That's okay.
Heidi Regina
How do you spell your name?
Louis J. Gomez
L, U, I, S. Oh, sorry.
Tim Butterly
How do you spell that?
Louis J. Gomez
E U, I, L, U, I, L.
Big J Okerson
U, O, L, E. Like Lou. Like Lou is.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh.
Heidi Regina
Oh, that Very Puerto Rican. Not like the store.
Louis J. Gomez
Why are you putting my name on there, Heidi? Why do you think this is me?
Heidi Regina
Just. Cause that's my gut instinct. That's a good.
Louis J. Gomez
You don't have a gut, bitch.
Heidi Regina
Ouch. Fuck you, Lewis.
Louis J. Gomez
Ouch.
Heidi Regina
That's just what I think.
Big J Okerson
Read that dub, dude. That was for butterly breaking my man apart over there.
Heidi Regina
Him again, But I don't know. Or I just think it's you maybe.
Tim Butterly
I think it's Jay. If it was Lewis, he would be committing the shooting.
Heidi Regina
That's real ripe coming from a white man.
Tim Butterly
She's saying guys like us shoot up strip clubs. Duncan, what the hell? Punch her in the face. You think we're violent? Duncan, beat the fuck out of her right now.
Louis J. Gomez
Come on.
Tim Butterly
Don't let her talk about us like that, man. Jay worked with strippers. I bet he constantly fantasized about saving them so nicely.
Big J Okerson
By the way, if I was gonna have a dream, that would be the dream of it. Because how many times, like, they really thought that I was gonna be more.
Tim Butterly
I really had your back back there.
Big J Okerson
Just so you know. I mean, I was definitely like a. All right, girls, it's going haywire. Let's all run.
Tim Butterly
You're catching your breath. You're like, hey, no sweat. I'm just doing my job, ladies.
Big J Okerson
It's just.
Tim Butterly
You don't have to thank me either. But I don't know, I was thinking, like, maybe free lap dance, but I.
Big J Okerson
Literally had two of them jump into my car half naked and yelling, you're the worst at this. And old Men do this job with guns.
Louis J. Gomez
All right, it's Heidi or Jay.
Big J Okerson
I do feel an argument for why it could be me. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
Louis J. Gomez
I'm getting Big J vibes right now. Oh, and I love you, Jay, but everyone's voting J. And Duncan, by the way, did break it down. This would be twice in a row if he did an analysis of this, where he got where he nailed it.
Big J Okerson
This is difficult because everybody said me, so I don't have any, like, counter punch. Fuck Duncan. That's. Well, here's the thing.
Duncan Trussell
Fuck you.
Heidi Regina
Fuck you.
Big J Okerson
Well, can I give you my. Let me show my work. Duncan laid that eloquent shit out last time, and it got me to go. That's Louis. And he nailed Louis. And it was Louis. But I know this isn't me when he did that breakdown, which means maybe it's him. If it's me, why would I be killing all this time? At this point, I want everyone here to understand that you've all guessed wrong. This is my chance to take a fucking lead. That's why I give a shit. That's why I give a shit. It's not about me. It's about these people. It's about these people coming out paying their hard earned dollars.
Louis J. Gomez
I can't wait to make him lose. Believe all you wanted him. He's a loser. He stinks at the game.
Big J Okerson
Can I also say my first instinct was Tim Butterley?
Louis J. Gomez
No. By the way, if. If it is Jay, this is hilarious.
Duncan Trussell
It's not me. I would do Tim for sure.
Louis J. Gomez
Let's see.
Duncan Trussell
It's not me, man.
Louis J. Gomez
Uh oh.
Tim Butterly
It's Duncan. It's Duncan.
Louis J. Gomez
Wow. Heidi's lit. Heidi's lit right now.
Big J Okerson
Stakes are high.
Louis J. Gomez
They never let her talk to Kill Tony. She's Heidi Unchained. This rules.
Big J Okerson
We could steal her as third mic on this show tomorrow.
Louis J. Gomez
Do you want to be our new Dave Smith.
Big J Okerson
For 1 70th the pay?
Louis J. Gomez
Alex? All of her answers are in.
Alex (Producer)
Wow, everybody.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh, no.
Alex (Producer)
Story number two.
Louis J. Gomez
No.
Alex (Producer)
Belongs to Heidi Regina.
Heidi Regina
You guys did that on purpose, didn't you? You guys are so sweet. You try to let me do it. Like the literal whole audience knew it as well. Like they were all saying Heidi. It was very obviously Heidi.
Louis J. Gomez
So is there any more to this story?
Heidi Regina
Yeah, she's now a medical esthetician. She was a real girl and yeah, now she and I. And I saved her. So, like, somebody came in and they started shooting everybody in my dream, and I put her in my car and I was like, nursing her back to Health.
Louis J. Gomez
Mouth to mouth? Hell, yeah.
Big J Okerson
Hold on.
Heidi Regina
Yeah.
Duncan Trussell
Breastfeeding.
Big J Okerson
You're a manager. You got to get her up on that pole again.
Heidi Regina
No, but she's doing great. Now.
Big J Okerson
Every day on your back's a dollar not made. Am I right?
Louis J. Gomez
So wait, I'm sorry, you said she's doing. She's doing great in real life.
Heidi Regina
Yeah, she's now a medical esthetician.
Tim Butterly
What is a medic is an esthetician. Like makeup.
Heidi Regina
And she, like, does, like, facials and stuff.
Big J Okerson
Yeah, my daughter is an esthetician. Don't say she does that.
Heidi Regina
Yeah, facials. Your daughter does facials?
Big J Okerson
She gives facials?
Heidi Regina
Not much.
Big J Okerson
She's a squirter, like her mama.
Louis J. Gomez
Two stories down. Alex, where are points at all?
Alex (Producer)
Right. In last place with zero points, Tim Butterly.
Louis J. Gomez
Now remember, Tim Butterly is a former story warrior.
Big J Okerson
Heidi is living rent free in his head.
Louis J. Gomez
Not now. Calm down, sir. You'll remember.
Tim Butterly
I'm in self imposed DP Exile. I refuse to utter the phrase after it was wrongfully taken from me and only me.
Louis J. Gomez
DP Exile was the strip club that Heidi worked at.
Heidi Regina
DPXILE was the gun that went inside of both your asses.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh, come on. Ow.
Big J Okerson
It was two different guns.
Alex (Producer)
Tied for second place with two points each, Louis J. Gomez, Big J Okerson, and Duncan Trussell. And in the lead with four points, Heidi Regina.
Heidi Regina
I'm coming for that book.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh, I'm coming for you.
Announcer
All right, story warriors, let's take a quick moment and thank Into Cloud for supporting the show. In the Cloud makes THC products that are actually good. We're talking about gummies, vapes, and pre rolls that are strong and tasty. And all Into Cloud products are third party lab tested. There's no sketchy ingredients, no uncertain dosages. I'll tell you right now, I've been smoking a little bit lately, right up until Skank Fest. I brought in the Cloud with me to Skank Fest and I was high the entire festival. High quality THC bud. I also love their gummies. They're absolutely incredible. All of their products are vegan and lab tested. And you know you're getting the good stuff. So if you're 21 or older, grab 40 off your first order today, plus free shipping with Code Wars W a R Z at indecloud Co. That's I n d a c L o u D dot co. It's Into Cloud's biggest sale of the year right now and it's live all month. So go to into Cloud Co and use code WARS for 40% off and free shipping. All right, let's take a quick moment to thank Chubby's for supporting today's show. Chubby's has all of the cold weather essentials, flannels, pullovers, quarter zips and winter jackets that are going to upgrade your winter wardrobe. I was wearing Chubbies all summer long. Their shorts and their swim trunks are absolutely incredible. But now they have incredible warm weather clothes and they also have an incredible this is for Christmas. It's going to be incredible. The New NFL by Chubby's Collection Stretch Polos and swim trunks for all 32 NFL teams. This is the gift to get that guy in your life. It's the perfect gift for any sports fan on your list. Go support Chubbies. They support great comedy. You hear them on great comedy shows all the time. So right now for a limited time, we're giving our fans 20 off your purchase at Chubby's right now. Holidays are coming up. Get your shopping done early. Use the promo code Wars W A r Z for 20 off at Chubby's shorts.com c h u B-B-I e-s shorts.com use that promo code wars with a Z to take 20 off. All right, now let's hear from Prize Picks. This episode is brought to you by Prize Picks. You and I make decisions every single day, but on Price Picks. Being right can get you paid. So don't miss any of the excitement this sports season on Price Picks. Whether you're a football fan, a basketball fan, or both, it always feels good to be right. Very simple. I'm not a sports guy and it's easy enough for me to do it. So I know you can do it. You just pick more or less on at least two player stat projections. It takes less than 60 seconds to turn your hot takes into cash. You can pick stats on pass, yards, rush yards, touchdowns, anything. And with prize Pick stacks, you can pick the same player up to three times in the same lineup. Pretty, pretty incredible. With Price Picksax you can pick the same player up to three times in the same lineup. It's so much fun. So easy. Anybody can do it. Price Picks even lets you follow other players directly on the app and copy their lineups with just one click with their all new feed tab. Right now. Download the Prize Picks app today and use the code Wars W A R z to get 50 in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup. That's Code wars to get 50 in lineups after YOU play your first five dollar lineup. Price picks it's good to be right. All right, where were we?
Louis J. Gomez
Alex? Story number three.
Alex (Producer)
Story number three. The first time I did dmt, I was in a peaceful, dreamlike state where I felt like I was in an organic spaceship cocoon.
Heidi Regina
We've all seen Midnight Gospel.
Alex (Producer)
A comedian gave me a vape pen with it and talked me through the experience.
Duncan Trussell
Okay, all right. Just so you know, this is some MK Ultra mind control shit right now. And it's definitely one of these two. Yeah, it's definitely one of these two, but. And obviously, obviously, they thought that you were gonna think it's me.
Big J Okerson
It's a fantastic move.
Duncan Trussell
No, it's. I listen, it's. I wish that I, you know, I. Wait, can I just say this? When I smoked DMT and had my breakthrough experience, I saw a cow, a bovine cow with a lanternet. I never got to see any of this cool shit and it sucked. So this wasn't me. I didn't go into some fucking spaceship cocoon.
Louis J. Gomez
I don't think it's Duncan. Excuse you.
Duncan Trussell
Right here.
Announcer
What?
Louis J. Gomez
I don't.
Duncan Trussell
Right here.
Heidi Regina
No, you might be right on that.
Louis J. Gomez
Butterly is a fucking psychonaut, as they say. And he does a lot of tripping, a lot of dmt. I could see this easily being Butterly. It's too on the nose to be Duncan.
Tim Butterly
That's what I'm thinking. And so now it's like, who but it. But maybe it is so on the nose because it is Duncan. That's why it's like a good thing to hit someone in the nose.
Louis J. Gomez
It's the.
Heidi Regina
You have your vape pen right there.
Louis J. Gomez
Jay's done. Jay's done DMT with me specifically.
Big J Okerson
It didn't work. Yeah, I. He did.
Louis J. Gomez
It was insane.
Big J Okerson
I did. I tried triple the amount everybody else.
Louis J. Gomez
I was the comedian that walked Jay through his DMT experience. This is not Jay.
Big J Okerson
This is Louis. Wonderful. Play this.
Duncan Trussell
It is. The language is weird. To go back to what you said before. Why would you say a comedian gave me a vape pen with it, right, and talk me through the experience?
Big J Okerson
Because you're a tattletale, Karen. No, like wooers.
Duncan Trussell
Anybody who knows comedians knows that the last person you'd want to talk you through a DMT experience was a comedian. It's Heidi.
Big J Okerson
What?
Louis J. Gomez
Now I'm thinking it's Duncan.
Big J Okerson
Yeah, now I'm back. I swore this was Louis throwing it to Duncan. That's fucking crazy. Heidi.
Duncan Trussell
I. Yeah, it's Heidi. It's gotta be. Because who. Who would say a comedian gave me a talk Me through the experience.
Tim Butterly
I don't know. It already happened one time tonight. Dude. That was my argument for why the getting shot story wasn't Louis.
Big J Okerson
You think a chicken? Gigantic spaceship.
Tim Butterly
Don't let him deceive you. This is a. This is such a deep deception he's working on right now.
Louis J. Gomez
Literally trying to push us into the. Duncan.
Announcer
Listen.
Duncan Trussell
I'm. Okay, hold on. I'm convinced that Heidi might actually be some kind of high level spy based on the way she's. Everybody up. So her smoking dmt. Would that surprise anybody at this point?
Heidi Regina
I literally died. Duncan. Like. Yeah.
Duncan Trussell
What do you mean you died?
Heidi Regina
I had a near death experience. I like literally died.
Duncan Trussell
Is that what they did to you? They just told you they killed you? Brought you back to life. You don't remember a lot of your life and now you're like. You kill people randomly at restaurants.
Heidi Regina
He's like spot on.
Big J Okerson
You can't say you literally died.
Announcer
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
You're alive.
Duncan Trussell
Is she though?
Big J Okerson
She's Jennifer's body.
Duncan Trussell
This is so hard. It's not me. Go ahead.
Louis J. Gomez
Either.
Tim Butterly
He was wrong on the last one. He was lying on this one. It's Duncan.
Louis J. Gomez
I feel like Tim's making it.
Tim Butterly
I don't care.
Big J Okerson
Pick me.
Tim Butterly
I don't give a. Let me be the only guy that gets it right.
Louis J. Gomez
Well, Tim's never been aggressive about anything in his life. And right now he turned into.
Big J Okerson
I don't know. But the whole night Tim's been coming at us all sideways. I don't know what the deal is. Excited to see my boy.
Louis J. Gomez
I feel like it's too obviously Duncan. I think it's Tim and he's being weird right now. So I'm going. Tim Butterly.
Big J Okerson
Tim is being weird.
Tim Butterly
I want an apology.
Louis J. Gomez
When you're wrong.
Tim Butterly
Being weird.
Big J Okerson
Who's being weird? Man?
Louis J. Gomez
Tim's no. Jason. Wait. Why Lewis. Jay.
Announcer
No.
Louis J. Gomez
Jay. Don't waste it. Don't waste it. You fool.
Big J Okerson
Think you showed your ass in that one.
Alex (Producer)
Story number three belongs to Louis J. Gomez.
Big J Okerson
Hang on. Wait for the. For the cameras. Let me get a moment where she says it and I give you like a Fresh Prince. Look. Say it again. Who belongs to Alex?
Alex (Producer)
Story number three belongs to Louis J. Gomez.
Heidi Regina
How did you know that?
Duncan Trussell
Well done.
Big J Okerson
Why did you.
Louis J. Gomez
Did you know the story? Have I told you?
Big J Okerson
I don't know the story? But this is like you said when I. When I tried it three times. We thought it was gonna start working. And they. And they left the room. Lewis, Kim Congdon and Christine left the room and I would sit there like, all right, here it goes. God, where are you? And then I would hear giggling and see fingers on the outside of the door. And I would just look over and I'd start laughing. And they would come in and they'd go, dude, no way. You're not in outer space. And what? And it just didn't work.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. So. All right, I'll tell you what happened here. The first time I did dmt, this is very true. The comedian that gave it to me was Duncan Trussell.
Duncan Trussell
That is true.
Louis J. Gomez
And, yeah, dude, where. Where were you? Dude, where were you living? It was when you were in New York.
Duncan Trussell
Park Slope.
Louis J. Gomez
Park Slope? Yeah. I went over to your house to do your podcast. And when I trip on hallucinogens, I get very nervous. I get very anxious. I got to be with, like, my, like, closest friends. I got to be. It's gonna. I have to have a whole night planned out. And we were supposed to do a podcast. You're like, yeah, I got these. These pens. But dmt? I was like, that's crazy, dude. He was like, yeah, do it, man. And I was like, really?
Announcer
He was like.
Louis J. Gomez
He's like, no, it's beautiful. It's the most beautiful thing you're gonna ever experience in your life. And you just made it sound so nice. And I was like, all right, dude, I guess I'll do it. And then I took this vape pen and I closed my eyes, dude, and you just, like. You sat there. You just, like, just were like, hey, I'll just sit here. I'll make sure you're good, dude. Don't worry. You're good. And then I started smoking it, and I kept on hitting it, and, yeah, dude, I felt like it was in, like, inside of, like, bubble gum, but it was an organic spaceship, and there was aliens. There was aliens on the outside of it, and they were tapping on, like, the bubble gum, going, like, doo, doo, doo. Hello. Be my friend. And I was like, oh, shit, I want to go with them. And then I opened my eyes, and you're like, wow, isn't that beautiful? I was like, it's fucking crazy.
Heidi Regina
How do you not remember that, Duncan?
Duncan Trussell
How would I remember that?
Big J Okerson
Because of him. He was just sitting in a room.
Heidi Regina
It was just another Tuesday.
Big J Okerson
Yeah. It was 10 minutes of his life just looking at Lewis. Lewis again. Experience the universe. Duncan was sitting there, like, watching clips on Instagram.
Duncan Trussell
That. That. That's really cool.
Big J Okerson
And then Lewis went. I saw it. I saw the edge.
Louis J. Gomez
Hell, yeah, dude.
Duncan Trussell
That was fun.
Louis J. Gomez
Hell, yeah. Alex, where are points at all?
Alex (Producer)
Right? In last place with zero points, Tim Butter. In fourth place with two points, Duncan Trussell. Tied for second place with four points each, Big J. Okerson and Heidi Regina.
Duncan Trussell
Wow.
Alex (Producer)
And in the lead with five points, Luis J. Gomez.
Big J Okerson
Let me tell you something. If we just watch Lewis walk away with the Book of Useless Information, which can fill your mind with a fountain of absolutely garbage facts, you'll learn that the dot over the letter I is called a title. Elephants are the only mammal that can jump. And the oldest known vegetable was the pea. All information.
Louis J. Gomez
Hold on. Elephants are the only mammal that can't jump? Did you say Ken jump? You said Ken.
Big J Okerson
You don't know that for sure.
Louis J. Gomez
You did. Did he say Ken? He did.
Big J Okerson
Fifteen people said yes. As people you've previously threatened, I bet.
Louis J. Gomez
No, dude, because that was crazy. I was like, elephants cannot jump and other mammals can jump. I can jump.
Big J Okerson
I agree with you. Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
I could jump.
Big J Okerson
The Book of Useless Information.
Louis J. Gomez
I could jump. Alex. Story number four.
Alex (Producer)
Story number four. I had a dream where a girl told me she was pregnant. The next morning, she called me and told me she was pregnant.
Louis J. Gomez
So Duncan is an actual witch.
Big J Okerson
Heidi? Yeah.
Announcer
Oh, yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
This couldn't be Heidi. Good job, Alex.
Big J Okerson
What do you mean, couldn't be?
Louis J. Gomez
Wait a minute. Oh, that's. It. Could be Heidi. This is just a dream. Oh, this is the hottest dream ever.
Big J Okerson
Heidi.
Louis J. Gomez
Cream pied inside of a girl. Oh, how sweet.
Big J Okerson
Hey, that guy that fucked us both and came inside of both of us got me pregnant. I dreamt that.
Duncan Trussell
I thought I felched all that out of you.
Big J Okerson
The felch hasn't made this far south yet.
Duncan Trussell
Can I break this down, please? This is Heidi.
Big J Okerson
Now I'll tell you why that was my early guess.
Duncan Trussell
Typically, in dreams, you know, pregnancy, it doesn't really mean pregnancy. Pregnancy is wisdom. It's some epiphany. Some brilliant ideas coming to you. And the girl in Heidi's dream, no doubt was one of the many people she's assassinated calling to say thank you for assassinating me. Cause you feel guilty about what? No, I think it was you. This is clearly a girl dream. It's obviously Heidi.
Big J Okerson
This, by the way, I wasn't thinking Heidi at all. All of us are thinking, this is like a guy finding out that a girl. He got a girl pregnant. But this is just a girl having a premonition that her friend's pregnant. He's right. I'll follow you straight to hell, dude.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh, this is true.
Big J Okerson
What a fancy.
Louis J. Gomez
You're 100% right. That it's Heidi. But not only this. This story is very much a girl story. But this. This also never happened. This is the way women think. This is just psychotic woman shit.
Announcer
Oh, yeah.
Big J Okerson
You fooled yourself to believe this.
Louis J. Gomez
No, she believes it happened, but this never happened. You're not a psychic, Heidi.
Heidi Regina
How do you know? Maybe I am.
Big J Okerson
Well, Lewis just lured you right on the showing your ass. Yeah. No, this. This wouldn't be.
Tim Butterly
Yeah, honey.
Big J Okerson
Wouldn't be this dumb as.
Tim Butterly
Here's why. Here's why. It might not be Heidi. It might not be Heidi. Because girls don't think that, like Duncan said, pregnancy mean pregnancy. In the dream means pregnancy. It's usually like a car accident or something that precedes a call about a pregnancy.
Heidi Regina
Like a rabbit.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh, Tim.
Big J Okerson
Girls just want to have fun when the working day is done.
Louis J. Gomez
I don't know.
Tim Butterly
I think it's not her.
Big J Okerson
Who do you.
Heidi Regina
I know it's not me. It is not me. If you put me, you're wrong. So let's try to figure out who it is.
Big J Okerson
Oh, thank you. Who's fucking.
Duncan Trussell
It's Heidi.
Louis J. Gomez
She's playing it super aggressively.
Big J Okerson
Detective Olivia Benson over here.
Louis J. Gomez
Heidi's having a fucking meltdown, physically, right now. Look. She can't contain herself.
Announcer
Look at her.
Big J Okerson
I can see through the side of her sunglasses. She's got undertaker eyes. Right now they're rolling back.
Duncan Trussell
Heidi, can you just hold your hand out like this for once? It's hot. It's Heidi.
Louis J. Gomez
Now, Heidi, can you just show your boobs just like this? It's not even a big deal. We're all gay. Everyone here is gay.
Big J Okerson
Very. I think this calls for the bush. Or no bush. Test.
Heidi Regina
You first, Jake.
Big J Okerson
There's only one way to get to the bottom of this. I think. I think.
Heidi Regina
You two put me too quickly.
Louis J. Gomez
Fuck. Dude, somebody's gonna really pull ahead here if it's not. If it's Heidi. What do you think? It's me.
Big J Okerson
This could be this. Yeah. This could be you finding out about James for sure. And you're abroad. Who thinks that your dreams mean something? Probably. I think what happened was you came inside of her and I went home going like, oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh, fuck. That's not what happened. I didn't come inside of her.
Big J Okerson
What?
Duncan Trussell
What.
Big J Okerson
Was she, a groupie that gathered your cum in a fucking Hershey's wrapper?
Louis J. Gomez
No, I. I came home on her vagina, then I put it back in and I used my.
Heidi Regina
What the fuck?
Louis J. Gomez
I used my.
Big J Okerson
Big sex word.
Louis J. Gomez
That's what it Was Heidi, is this hot to you?
Heidi Regina
No.
Big J Okerson
Oh, you're too good for cream pie.
Louis J. Gomez
I came on it and then I started having sex with her again. And, you know, I kind of pushed it back in.
Heidi Regina
That's dangerous. You're living on the edge.
Louis J. Gomez
Heidi's turned on. Look at her. She's fucking in flesh. She loves it. Heidi, let's just get out of here the rest of this game. We don't gotta even play this game. Let's just go west. Yeah, I feel like I think it's Heidi too, but if it's not, we're somebody here.
Big J Okerson
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
No, Heidi's my answer.
Big J Okerson
No, no, no, no, no. I. This is height.
Heidi Regina
It's a hundred percent, not me. So who the is it? Help. Who?
Duncan Trussell
Who is it? Okay, here we go.
Heidi Regina
Jay.
Big J Okerson
I think this could be.
Announcer
Tim.
Louis J. Gomez
Was being quiet, as in the corner. He voted for Jay without saying.
Duncan Trussell
Yeah, very quiet.
Heidi Regina
Jay, for no reason.
Louis J. Gomez
You voted.
Big J Okerson
Don't ask me.
Louis J. Gomez
What's up, girl?
Big J Okerson
Sup?
Heidi Regina
It's either Tim or Duncan.
Big J Okerson
Or Tim Duncan.
Heidi Regina
All right.
Tim Butterly
It's Jay or Lewis.
Louis J. Gomez
I think Jay might be right.
Big J Okerson
Yeah. I'm glad I didn't let go of my board, Alex. We're all locked in.
Louis J. Gomez
Wow.
Alex (Producer)
Everyone, story number four is obviously Duncan Trussell.
Heidi Regina
He was on me so quickly.
Big J Okerson
Sorry.
Heidi Regina
Assassination. I clearly don't have kids.
Louis J. Gomez
Done.
Big J Okerson
I'm sorry. To the faceless voice out there that went, Jay. He said, jay, Duncan, get the points. And I said, I gotta go with my gut. And he was like, you fucking stupid idiot. And he was right. He was right and I was wrong.
Louis J. Gomez
God damn it, dude. Oh, dude. Dreams. Dreams is a hard subject to figure out. Duncan, who was this girl? Wait, is this. Was your wife?
Duncan Trussell
No.
Louis J. Gomez
What, did you abort a baby?
Duncan Trussell
No, it was. I know it sounds like absolute horseshit, but somebody that I had wished it away. What? You wished the baby away?
Big J Okerson
That would sound like bullshit when you.
Duncan Trussell
You wish upon a star.
Big J Okerson
If you're out there listening, take this baby far, far from here, like a bird or a bat. I don't give a fuck what it is, as long as it gets off this property.
Duncan Trussell
No, no, it wasn't my baby. This is somebody that. But that I had lived with for a bit. And, like, it was so weird. Just in the dream, she's like, I'm pregnant. And then that morning called me for the. I haven't talked to her in probably a year and was like, I'm pregnant. It was just fucking weird. I don't know.
Louis J. Gomez
Wow.
Duncan Trussell
Thank you. Thank you. Yeah.
Big J Okerson
So not by you.
Louis J. Gomez
No.
Big J Okerson
Or that would be a long gestation.
Louis J. Gomez
Alex, Halftime. Where are the points at?
Alex (Producer)
All right on the scoreboard. In last place with zero points, Tim Butterly.
Louis J. Gomez
Tim Butterly.
Announcer
Tim.
Louis J. Gomez
To this day, by the way, nobody. Nobody to this day has scored zero points in a full game. So, Tim, listen, I know you're losing, but there's a good chance you can be the first person to ever get zero points. Big deal. That's huge. You have the most points and the least points in the history of the show.
Tim Butterly
This is fucking humiliating, man.
Alex (Producer)
Tied for third place with. With four points each, Big J Okerson and Heidi Regina. In second place with five points, Luis J. Gomez. And in the lead with six points, Duncan Trussell.
Louis J. Gomez
Very close game. We're at halftime now, so we'll do some plugs real quick. Tim, what are you plugging, my friend?
Tim Butterly
Dad Me, Tim Botterly show. I have. I make videos called field tripping on YouTube where I go check stuff out and make videos about it. And there's a new one coming out this week, and it's.
Duncan Trussell
Here's.
Tim Butterly
You want to 100% guarantee it will not stress you out. So check that out. Thank you.
Louis J. Gomez
Duncan.
Duncan Trussell
I want to. You know, instead of doing the normal plug, I want to talk to you guys about a book called Dianetics. Now, just invite you to check it out, order it. There's something that changed my life called Scientology, and I just think that anyone in this audience.
Big J Okerson
Have you ever felt sad a little bit?
Duncan Trussell
What do you mean? Not since I got into Scientology. I haven't felt anything.
Big J Okerson
That was. The questions on the Dianetics commercial would go, have you ever felt sad ever? Do you think sometimes. Do you sometimes have no confidence?
Duncan Trussell
Have you ever worried?
Big J Okerson
Yeah.
Announcer
Yeah.
Big J Okerson
He goes, there's probably an alien in you.
Duncan Trussell
No. I have a podcast called the Douglas Trussell Family Hour Podcast. Check it out. Thank you.
Louis J. Gomez
It's my. It's my favorite podcast to guest on. I love it.
Duncan Trussell
You gotta come back.
Louis J. Gomez
I know. I love you, dude. You're my favorite person in the world.
Duncan Trussell
Dude, that was fun. The DMT experience. I remember that.
Louis J. Gomez
So fun, dude.
Duncan Trussell
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
That was the only person that I would have done it with like that.
Duncan Trussell
I just feel like I should tell you, it wasn't dmt, it was Fentanyl. And you had actually fell asleep for a little.
Big J Okerson
Trying to kill me.
Duncan Trussell
No, that was. That was amazing. That was one of my favorite New York moments.
Big J Okerson
You got him, like, hyped up. That's what it was like. And then he immediately goes, I have to Share this with my brother Jay and then runs over to my house to do it again.
Duncan Trussell
Yeah, you just didn't hold it in long enough.
Big J Okerson
I'm telling you, they watched me. I did it all. Listen, I know it was effective stuff. It changed Christine's brain forever, I think. But. But me, it. I don't know.
Louis J. Gomez
Let's.
Duncan Trussell
In New Orleans.
Big J Okerson
Yeah, let's.
Duncan Trussell
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
Let'S do Duncan Trussell Family Hour live podcast. Big J does DMT on stage for the first time.
Big J Okerson
I'll meet God. I bet she'll love me.
Duncan Trussell
That's beautiful, J. She's real.
Louis J. Gomez
Heidi, what are you plugging?
Heidi Regina
Heidy regina.com and my new podcast, Love on the Line, where we talk all about relationships and love. So if you have a issue or you can't get it up or whatever your problem is, we'll walk you through it.
Louis J. Gomez
We'll get you hard.
Heidi Regina
It's sponsored by bluechew.
Big J Okerson
I'm having a hard time getting hard. Make me hard. Hey, Steve from Atlanta. I'm having a hard time getting hard. Make me hard, huh? Hey, this is Kyle. First time, long time. I'm soft as shit over here. Can you guys do your job?
Louis J. Gomez
Hey, can you make me hard?
Big J Okerson
That podcast would dominate, yes, if you guys just took calls and got people hard.
Heidi Regina
I think that's what Val's website is for.
Big J Okerson
Oh, fuck.
Louis J. Gomez
Big J, what are you plugging? Huh?
Big J Okerson
Oh, I'm just enjoying the moment. Bigjcomedy.com for all my days. Big J Okerson's Peter North American tour coming on a city near you. If you get it, you get it all over the place. So look for it. My double vinyl for Them day is available for presale. It's almost sold out, so very fun. You get double vinyl, you get four downloads of the unedited four hours we did out in Denver and digital downloaded the album and a signed hand drawn picture that I drew of a penis holding a gun and has shoes. He's also wearing shoes, of course. Listen to the bonfire faction talk, SiriusXM103 with me and the great Robert Kelly five days a week. And the flagship show over here, Legion of Skanks or Gas Digital. The Legion of sk.
Louis J. Gomez
Come see me on the road. Go to my website, LewisGangs.com couple live dates coming up. We're going to be the night before Thanksgiving. We're doing Story wars live in Philadelphia. Two shows. They will sell out, get those tickets.
Announcer
Going to be crazy lineups.
Louis J. Gomez
So come out to those shows then. I got a bunch of Stuff coming up on the road in December, I'm in Nashville at Zany New Year's Eve. Me and Zach Amico are gonna be in Columbus, Ohio at the Comedy Attic doing a couple shows stand up and then a live podcast realized podcast reunion. And yeah, a lot of other stuff coming up. Go to my website, Skank Fest Friday and Sunday passes, you guys can get them. I think this might come out before then, but yeah, pre order my book, check out Legion of Skanks, check out the regs, and subscribe to Gas Digital. If you love this show. We do an uncensored version of this show. It's ad free. Get the On Demand library. A bunch episodes that aren't available on YouTube or anywhere else. Go to gas digital.com and use that promo code war or wars. And save a couple bucks a month. I think both work. So, yeah, support live comedy the way it's intended to be supported.
Big J Okerson
Go to guest in a black comedy club.
Louis J. Gomez
In a black comedy club.
Duncan Trussell
Yes.
Tim Butterly
Thank you.
Big J Okerson
Tim. I bet right now you're feeling like another night that my kids gotta go to sleep without daddy being home. And for what? Zero points.
Heidi Regina
Oh, my God. What the fuck?
Big J Okerson
But do not get down, my man, because this game is far from over. And you know that I paid $35.
Tim Butterly
For parking for zero points.
Louis J. Gomez
Dude.
Big J Okerson
Baby, that zero can turn around so quick. Because, you know, for the final stories, we go double points. I'm working on vape tricks. I'm always seven years behind. Something cool.
Louis J. Gomez
How exciting.
Big J Okerson
It's so, so fucking exciting. Which means simply see, if you fool somebody as before, you got one point. If you got the right story, you got two points. That now goes to double points.
Louis J. Gomez
Wow.
Alex (Producer)
Great.
Louis J. Gomez
Thank you, Roots. The Roots are in the balcony.
Big J Okerson
By the way, Black thought everybody Root. Oh, Bruce Springsteen's sitting in with him tonight. What's up, boss? Alex. Story number five.
Alex (Producer)
Story number five. I have a recurring dream of walking into a bathroom that always ends with pissing the bed. In real life, it only happens at other people's houses. Including. Including one professional athlete's home.
Announcer
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
Heidi, you're the only person who would be at a professional athlete's home.
Big J Okerson
What? You look at me. What professional athlete's house was I at? Did I sneak in the fucking Michael Vick's apartment? I wish. Oh, you'd have heard my story.
Louis J. Gomez
Me?
Big J Okerson
Remember that time I pissed myself in Ron Jaworski's house?
Louis J. Gomez
Professional athlete's home is crazy.
Big J Okerson
It's. I mean, are we missing you all? We're all trying to find a Way around. Not just all saying, heidi, pissing yourself is for girls.
Louis J. Gomez
No, here's the other thing is, I feel like pissing yourself is for dudes.
Heidi Regina
Yes.
Louis J. Gomez
Thank you.
Tim Butterly
Girls are always kind of peeing. It's crazy. Yeah, 24 hours a day, women are kind of pissing.
Louis J. Gomez
I don't feel like Heidi's admitting that she's pissing the bed regularly. Pissing the bed like a retard.
Big J Okerson
No, Tim, you're right. You're right. Every laugh she's had. For sure. Right now, Heidi's underwear has a decent amount of piss on it. It's not like, dripping with piss, but it's damp. It's damp piss.
Heidi Regina
Are you guys talking about your own dreams right now?
Big J Okerson
No, no, we're talking about your mildly damp underwear from pissed. Because we made you laugh. Piss a little.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, that's right, Heidi. I'm the only creepy comedian.
Heidi Regina
Jay's giving you a run for your money right now.
Big J Okerson
Why? Because you definitely have piss in your panties. That's me being a creep. I didn't ask you to give him to me.
Louis J. Gomez
Heidi.
Announcer
Peter pants.
Big J Okerson
I agree.
Announcer
I agree.
Heidi Regina
You guys are all gonna put me and I'll be wrong again.
Big J Okerson
It's Tim fucking Pissy Pants Lewis.
Louis J. Gomez
I mean, look, I will say that there's something. Tim also has Piss my bed once a year energy.
Big J Okerson
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Wait, wait. Stop the presses. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Heidi, Heidi, Wait, wait, wait. No, stop.
Duncan Trussell
I.
Big J Okerson
Stop saying it's you. Fucking Lewis would train and spent the night at fucking Michael Bisping's house.
Louis J. Gomez
That's true.
Duncan Trussell
Oh, my God.
Louis J. Gomez
That is true. That's true.
Heidi Regina
Oh, no.
Louis J. Gomez
That is true.
Duncan Trussell
We can't withdraw the sign.
Big J Okerson
Oh. With that information, vote whoever you want, Heidi. But I'm giving you the possible chance to Louis, and he's not voted yet. Louis.
Heidi Regina
Yeah, that's. I'm a little skeptical.
Big J Okerson
Spent the fucking night.
Louis J. Gomez
You're wasting your vote on me.
Heidi Regina
Tim put his up really quick and he put me.
Tim Butterly
Yeah, I forgot about the Bisping thing. Sorry. I feel kind of a fool now, but that's okay.
Louis J. Gomez
No, but Tim has also been training mixed martial arts for years and years and years. That could be. That could be a professional athlete in his circle.
Big J Okerson
What?
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Big J Okerson
Tommy the Gun Morrison from Rocky V. Do it.
Tim Butterly
Yeah.
Heidi Regina
And it's someone who sleeps at other people's houses. I never sleep at anybody else's house. Definitely not me.
Big J Okerson
Oh, really? Is that true? Luka Doncic says, stay over, you stay over.
Heidi Regina
I do follow directions well, but I think it's Tim.
Big J Okerson
Shut up.
Heidi Regina
I think it's Tim or.
Big J Okerson
I'm joking. As she looked over, I immediately got. I felt bad.
Louis J. Gomez
Like, I agree with Heidi. I'm going, Tim.
Duncan Trussell
So confused.
Heidi Regina
Okay, I'm gonna go.
Big J Okerson
I'm telling you.
Heidi Regina
I'm booting Tim. I think it's Tim.
Louis J. Gomez
Good job, Heidi.
Big J Okerson
I hope you feel hurt by Lewis what he just did to you.
Heidi Regina
I don't agree with you. I just think it's Tim.
Louis J. Gomez
Good job. I think Heidi's got good intuition here, Alex. All of her answers are in.
Alex (Producer)
Story number five belongs to Tim Butterly.
Heidi Regina
I told you guys it fucking wasn't nice.
Duncan Trussell
Idiot.
Louis J. Gomez
Stop trying to steer people in the wrong direction.
Big J Okerson
I already voted.
Louis J. Gomez
Tim, what athlete was this?
Tim Butterly
It was actually professional skateboarder Chris Cole, and he does not know this story.
Duncan Trussell
So you peed.
Tim Butterly
He's finding out as he's watching this. Also did not know him at the time. Friend of a friend, and we were crashing at his house when we were passing through town. And this is just a thing that happens to me when I don't sleep in my own bed sometimes. And it's like, I don't even think it's, like, worth making fun of, really. It's just like, look, we're all adults. Like, we know that, like, stuff like that happens, and there's no reason to make it, like, a thing or anything.
Duncan Trussell
Dude, one of my kids is potty training right now. Accidents happen, man.
Big J Okerson
You deserve the same respect.
Tim Butterly
I'm still a big boy.
Louis J. Gomez
Obviously.
Duncan Trussell
You're a big boy.
Tim Butterly
Still a big boy.
Announcer
Duh.
Louis J. Gomez
How often are you having a dream that you're. How often are you having a dream where it ends with you busy in the bed?
Tim Butterly
I would say lifetime in nights that I've slept away from home maybe 15% of the time.
Alex (Producer)
Jesus.
Big J Okerson
Wow.
Louis J. Gomez
When you were like, 13.
Tim Butterly
Hotels, dude.
Big J Okerson
Hotels.
Duncan Trussell
I'll.
Tim Butterly
And it's not like, on the road.
Big J Okerson
It's not a full piss. Okay, now you get into bed two. Piss.
Duncan Trussell
It's not a full piss. Relax.
Tim Butterly
Well, the work.
Louis J. Gomez
You piss the bed on the road one out of every six times. Twice a month, you piss in the bed.
Tim Butterly
Now that sounds like more.
Big J Okerson
That should affect your Marriott points. That should affect your Hilton honors.
Duncan Trussell
Dude.
Big J Okerson
I'm getting the same free Internet this guy is getting. He's fucking whizzing all over the sheets.
Tim Butterly
It's not a full piss. The worst part of the dream is realizing, oh, now I'm dreaming. And then my eyes shoot up, and then I'm pissing a little bit. And then you squeeze it off and it hurts so bad. Dude, I don't know what the. I haven't figured out the least painful way to squeeze off a piss, but it does not involve your hands.
Big J Okerson
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
No.
Alex (Producer)
Ow.
Louis J. Gomez
Up. Okay.
Duncan Trussell
Can I ask you, in the dream, is the bathroom always the same?
Tim Butterly
It's. I would say it's so nondescript that I don't question anything about it. The light hurts my eyes. It feels real.
Duncan Trussell
Yeah. Okay.
Tim Butterly
And I go, woo. Thank God I made it.
Big J Okerson
To this harsh, harsh lighting.
Tim Butterly
Yeah, it's hard. Like I can't even look directly at anything cuz the light's hurting my eyes so bad. I go, so let's just piss and get back to bed.
Duncan Trussell
Okay, last question. Is that like, Christ, when you piss the bed, what does the piss taste like?
Tim Butterly
Well, we have to go to my wife in the balcony. Let's throw the MJ real quick.
Alex (Producer)
MJ four thing.
Louis J. Gomez
Five stories down. Alex, where are points at? All right.
Alex (Producer)
Tied for last place with four points each. Big J Okerson and Tim Butterly.
Duncan Trussell
Nice.
Announcer
Bring it.
Louis J. Gomez
Is on the board. Wow.
Big J Okerson
Suck balls.
Louis J. Gomez
Now Tim has to go for the win. There's no, there's no glory in coming in last place if you don't have zero points.
Big J Okerson
No. Then you're just me usually.
Alex (Producer)
Alex in third place with six points, Duncan Trussell. In second place with eight points, Heidi Regina. And in the lead with nine points, Luis J. Gomez.
Louis J. Gomez
I'm losing the audience. I feel they hate it. They hate me winning.
Tim Butterly
Austin.
Louis J. Gomez
Austin hates me winning.
Big J Okerson
I'm still in this game.
Heidi Regina
Your win percentage is the same as Tim's wet the bed percentage.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh my God.
Heidi Regina
He's won 10% of all the shows.
Tim Butterly
And Jay, there's nothing embarrassing about that, man.
Announcer
It's normal.
Duncan Trussell
It's totally normal.
Louis J. Gomez
You pissing the bed every other weekend is hilarious.
Tim Butterly
Is obviously my math is off. It's not that often, but it. It happens.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Big J Okerson
Do you sleep naked in case.
Tim Butterly
Do I? Oh, do I? No, I. It actually helps having some. Some material to catch a little bit of the piss.
Big J Okerson
What helps? In what way?
Louis J. Gomez
Heidi, do you sleep naked? We're asking this question. We're going around the board.
Heidi Regina
I do sleep naked, but I never wet the bed in that sort of a way.
Tim Butterly
Sorry. I'm not cool like you, Heidi.
Louis J. Gomez
Wait a minute. What? In what sort of way do you wet the bed?
Heidi Regina
Not in the pee sort of way.
Tim Butterly
Tears.
Big J Okerson
Oh, and like. And like queefing out cream pies.
Announcer
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
Are you squirting? Are you squirting all over your bed. What are you saying, Heidi?
Announcer
Ugh.
Heidi Regina
I'm gonna save it for skank fest. I don't know if I can answer this.
Big J Okerson
She's going to shit on the floor like Ari last year.
Heidi Regina
Never.
Big J Okerson
Ari's out of the country, so.
Announcer
All right, gentlemen, let's take a moment, I think Brunt Workwear for supporting today's show. Brunt Workwear makes work boots that feel like they're old worn in sneakers that are the most comfortable shoes you're ever going to wear. So if you're working on a tough job site, this is it. They're going to make your feet feel absolutely incredible. They're totally worn, waterproof. You could be in your Brunt work boots all day while keeping your feet dry and comfortable. I wear them for style. I'm not, I don't want on a job site. I'm not up there roofing. I'm not out there doing hard, hard labor. I wear them because they look cool. So they actually just look awesome. If you go look at the boots, you're like, oh, those are really fucking cool. But anybody who has to work, wear work boots for work, these are the ones you have to wear. You're never going to wear another work boot ever again. Truly an incredible product. And they also have a full range of high performance gear from heavy duty work pants to weather resistant jackets. So no matter what the day brings, you're going to literally covered. The temperatures are dropping, the holidays are coming up. It is time to treat yourself or that hard working man in your life to real comfort. Skip the throwaway gifts and get him something that is built to last. That is Brunt Workwear. Our listeners right now are getting $10 off their entire order with Code Wars W A R z at checkout. That is bruntworkware.com and use code wars at checkout. All right, story warriors, it is time to get hooked up with your aura frames this holiday season. Look, calling your mom back is going to be painful, but it's easy to text a photo to digital frame. So instead of picking up the phone, pick her up an aura frame or frames are easy to use. You upload an unlimited number of photos and videos right to the frame. So next time you do something cool, you send those pics directly to mom and she's going to love it. Got a grandma and aunt. I'm getting this from Aunt Emory for this holiday season because this is the thing she will absolutely love. She's not techie. She's got a flip phone. She can't even get text messages. She doesn't text ever. She doesn't get images. This is perfect. She has a frame now that she can look at it. Anytime me and my son or my niece or my sister, any of the other family members are doing anything fun, you text her those photos and videos, she opens it up, she gets a nice little surprise and it is unlimited. It's genuinely the perfect gift. You just plug it in. That's all you need to do. You could even preload the frame with photos beforehand. So for a limited time, just visit aura frames.com that's a U R a frames.com and get $45 off Aura's best selling carver matte frames. It was named number one by Wirecutter. And I'm a big wire cutter guy. Everyone knows that. Use the promo code wars at checkout. Warz 45 off. This is the perfect gift for that lady in your life or even gentlemen. Maybe your pops, your grandpa, maybe they're not techie people either. This is perfect. This exclusive Black Friday Cyber Monday deal is the best of the year. So order now before it ends. Support the show by supporting us by Supporting Aura frames Oraframes.com all right, story warriors, let's take a quick moment and thank my company, Body Brain Coffee for supporting the show. Body Brain Coffee is genuinely a great product. People absolutely love it. First of all, it's just great tasting coffee. It's Colombian freeze dried coffee. Very simple to make it. It's a little individual packet so you can bring it on the go with you. Hot, cold and a protein shake, whatever you want. But also has blended in nootropics and adaptogens that help support testosterone and brain function. So it's got Tonga Ali, it's got Ashwagandha, lion's mane and L Theanine. So it's five simple ingredients. There's no fillers, nothing else added. Truly five ingredients. It is such a. People really love it. I'll tell you right now, if you're, if you're especially a little bit older, if you're a dude or a woman is great for perimenopausal women. Really great for hormonal balance for perimeter menopausal women. My son's mother drinks it literally every day for that reason. But we developed it with men in mind because Tonga got a lee. It naturally will bring your testosterone levels back up to their normal optimal range if you're a little bit low. And that's what I was dealing with. So it's better than Sticking a needle into your ass. It's a natural way to do it, and it's a great way to do. Everyone drinks a cup of coffee every single morning. It's a great way to start the day. You only need a cup of Body Brain coffee. It's going to replace your four or five cups that you have for the rest of the day. So just simply go to bodybraincoffee.com and when you check out, use the promo code war20. You're going to get 20% off today. Promo code war20. 20 for 20 off@bodybraincoffee.com. all right, where were we?
Louis J. Gomez
Alex, story number six.
Alex (Producer)
Story number six. I've had anal sex on the Carnival Dream cruise ship.
Louis J. Gomez
Heidi.
Duncan Trussell
Damn it.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh, Heidi me.
Big J Okerson
St. Anthony, if you're listening, that's the St. AAL.
Louis J. Gomez
Big J has done a lot of cruises.
Tim Butterly
Just this past summer, we were both on the Carnival Dream together.
Announcer
Whoa.
Louis J. Gomez
And you both had anal sex together?
Tim Butterly
I know I did not have. Have anal sex on the Carnival Dream cruise ship.
Big J Okerson
Yeah, but that was. That was you and your wife. Me and Mike Foya. You think I Anal sex with Mike Foia.
Tim Butterly
I will say that pod was in the air.
Big J Okerson
It was a heavy metal.
Tim Butterly
We walked around the. It was the Hard Rock Rock cruise ship, and I was walking around with Jay, and people were offering him anal in, like, the Breakfast line. He was the king of Hard Rock Cruise.
Big J Okerson
I can't argue this. I.
Tim Butterly
Look, I'm not telling anyone else how to vote, but, like, I. I gotta go. Like, I. I'm not gonna. I'm gonna trust my own eyes on this one.
Louis J. Gomez
Jay. Is that the only time you're ever on the Carnival crew?
Announcer
Carnival Dream?
Big J Okerson
No.
Louis J. Gomez
You've been on it before.
Big J Okerson
Yeah.
Duncan Trussell
Okay, let me say this. This is what I think we all know. Jay, you have had anal sex on the Carnival Cruise line, like, 100%. You have. You definitely have. So why would you dream about it? So it's not you. So I think you. I think it's not you not saying it's a dream.
Heidi Regina
Yeah, they're not saying. Saying it's a dream.
Big J Okerson
It's.
Tim Butterly
It's in the dreams. Because it's called dream. This is real life. That he had anal sex on the Carnival dream.
Duncan Trussell
Oh, it's Jay. I actually, definitely Jay. It's Jay. But wait, you just said you were on the Carnival cruise with.
Big J Okerson
With his wife. Oh, Eddie threw my name down super fast. Babe, tell him.
Heidi Regina
Seriously, I think she's innocent.
Duncan Trussell
Yeah, I think it's 10 it's got to be I.
Big J Okerson
By the way. By the way. Lewis has done the heavy metal cruise ships with.
Louis J. Gomez
That's a. That's. That's anal sex. That's anal sex. In case anybody doesn't know. Right there.
Duncan Trussell
Have you. You've gone on the Carnival Cruise.
Louis J. Gomez
I don't think I've ever been on that one. The Carnival Dream. I don't think so.
Duncan Trussell
What do you mean you don't think I've been on. You've been on so many cruises. You don't remember.
Louis J. Gomez
I've been on three or four cruises.
Announcer
I don't remember which.
Duncan Trussell
Three or four. You should. You would remember if you've been on that cruise.
Louis J. Gomez
Duncan. You. It was you. Dude.
Duncan Trussell
I've never been on a cruise. I've been sodomized many a time.
Big J Okerson
My first instinct was Heidi.
Heidi Regina
I've never had anal.
Louis J. Gomez
Never.
Heidi Regina
Tonight could be my first night. Come on.
Louis J. Gomez
She's saving it for Skankfest.
Heidi Regina
And I've never been on a cruise.
Louis J. Gomez
Heidi. I'll let you peg me if we. If.
Heidi Regina
Speechless.
Announcer
Period.
Big J Okerson
End of sentence.
Heidi Regina
You'll let me peg you with what?
Big J Okerson
That's it. That's all.
Louis J. Gomez
On a cruise. I was gonna say I just turned into Porky Pig. Tim Butterly goes for Big J. Duncan says Gomez. Heidi says Big J. Big J says Tim. I say Big J. I can't believe everyone didn't vote for Big J. That's crazy. Alex. All of our answers are in.
Alex (Producer)
Story number six belongs to Big J. Okay.
Tim Butterly
Did you forget I was there or something? I had the time of my life hanging out with Big J for an entire week on a cruise ship. And I think you forgot I was there.
Louis J. Gomez
Jay. Whose ass did you.
Big J Okerson
I mean.
Louis J. Gomez
On the Carnival dream.
Big J Okerson
Pretty much the story. But the chick in the carnival dream. Alex. What are our points after 6? Used enough spit.
Louis J. Gomez
There's got to be. There's got to be. Be more to this.
Duncan Trussell
There's no way.
Tim Butterly
There's no chance. It was the lady that got forcibly removed from the hot tub for showing everyone her butthole. Was.
Heidi Regina
It was probably exactly who it was.
Big J Okerson
This wasn't on. This wasn't on this year's cruise. This is many a years ago. Many years.
Louis J. Gomez
Many a year.
Tim Butterly
As long as it wasn't my Princess Starfish.
Big J Okerson
Now there's. There's not much more to the story. We. We butt.
Announcer
Folks.
Big J Okerson
We were having sex in the pussy. And then. And then decided to do it in the ass. Her ass.
Duncan Trussell
You should write a book, Man.
Louis J. Gomez
Was it her idea? Was it. Was it your Idea.
Big J Okerson
It's. It's.
Louis J. Gomez
You put a finger. This is what happens very often. You put a finger in, and the finger goes in way too easily. You're like, oh, okay.
Big J Okerson
Way too easily.
Louis J. Gomez
All right, I know what you do need. Was it one of those situations?
Big J Okerson
I don't remember that.
Louis J. Gomez
I just remember.
Big J Okerson
I remember after it.
Louis J. Gomez
I was like, is the memory painful for you? Why are you recalling it this way?
Heidi Regina
Traumatized.
Duncan Trussell
What the.
Louis J. Gomez
What's happening right now?
Big J Okerson
She. She was not gentle. It's not that much of a story.
Louis J. Gomez
We were.
Big J Okerson
We were. And then we were like, we should. We should butt fuck a little. And she was like, yeah. And then we did for a little bit, and then when it was over, I cleaned my dickhole out and I was like, we just. We just butt fucked on the ocean.
Duncan Trussell
This is beautiful, man.
Big J Okerson
And then we ordered. And then we ordered late night. You could order late night pizza on a cruise ship.
Duncan Trussell
I swear, it's like hearing Charles Bukowski.
Tim Butterly
Charles Bukocki.
Big J Okerson
You.
Louis J. Gomez
Alex, where are points at?
Alex (Producer)
All right on the scoreboard. Tied for last place with six points each, Big J Okerson and Duncan Trussell.
Big J Okerson
Still in it. Still in it.
Alex (Producer)
In third place with eight points, Tim Butterly.
Tim Butterly
Let's go.
Louis J. Gomez
Yes.
Big J Okerson
Let's fucking go.
Alex (Producer)
In second place, with 12 points, Heidi Regina. And in the lead with 13 points, Luis J. Gomez.
Louis J. Gomez
That's right, Heidi. One point. I'll give you two of my points if you make out with me right now.
Heidi Regina
Okay, two whole points.
Big J Okerson
Points.
Heidi Regina
Three.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, I'll get double points.
Heidi Regina
Six.
Big J Okerson
I'll give you all six of mine if you squirt. I mean, hose down the front row like Gallagher.
Heidi Regina
I'm. I'm pretty sure you're not gonna win. I think I'm okay on that.
Big J Okerson
Like a guar concert. I'll squeeze you and then you, like, worship the same from hell. Mars. I don't know Gwar's music.
Louis J. Gomez
All right, the offer stands. Height if you want two points at any point. Thank you, Alex. Story number seven.
Alex (Producer)
Story number seven. I had a terrifying dream in New Orleans that turned out to be an encounter with the ghost of a murderer.
Big J Okerson
I mean, this is another. This is somebody writing the sound, like Duncan.
Heidi Regina
You guys don't use the word encounter, so I think it's Duncan.
Big J Okerson
I have no. I don't believe in ghosts at all.
Duncan Trussell
Listen, here's the thing. This is why I think it's one of you two. This is the most shameless plug for your festival.
Big J Okerson
Well, that was.
Duncan Trussell
This is some kind of market here. It's definitely Louis Gomez.
Louis J. Gomez
I had a dream that. I had a dream that I fucked eight virgins in New Orleans.
Big J Okerson
I sure hope it's not a premonition. I. This could be Louis shamelessly plugging. It is. It's clunky how New Orleans is crowbarred into that. Yeah. I had a terrifying dream in New Orleans. What is it? The beginning of a fucking Warren Zevon song? I helped have found you down New.
Duncan Trussell
Orleans, but the way you're. The way you're joking about it makes me think it's you. It's one of you two.
Big J Okerson
Forrester. I got the gift of gab. I'll just talk about whatever, man.
Louis J. Gomez
I don't know how often Jay's been in New Orleans.
Big J Okerson
Once on fully loaded to a. And I didn't talk to a ghost of a murderer, you know for sure. I don't believe any of this is true.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, Jan doesn't believe in no ghosts.
Duncan Trussell
I fucked the ghost of a murderer in the ass.
Heidi Regina
That's more like it.
Big J Okerson
On a cruise ship, maybe out in maritime land.
Louis J. Gomez
But this is a womanly type thing. So, Heidi, you've been to New Orleans, I'm assuming, right?
Heidi Regina
I have, yes.
Louis J. Gomez
Multiple times.
Heidi Regina
Yes, a few.
Louis J. Gomez
You love New Orleans.
Heidi Regina
I love New Orleans.
Louis J. Gomez
Women believe in horror.
Heidi Regina
I love ghosts.
Louis J. Gomez
Women believe in all this horseshit. This is. She believes that she spoke with the ghosts of a murderer.
Big J Okerson
Chakras, energies, all that nonsense.
Louis J. Gomez
This is. Yeah, men don't believe this. Like, I know Duncan's a weirdo and is a satanist and all that other.
Big J Okerson
Stuff, but at the core of it.
Duncan Trussell
Why don't you just say the offer code? Gomez, Is there an offer code attached to this? Just say the offer code.
Big J Okerson
If you say stories, wars though, you will get 15% off. Single day passes.
Louis J. Gomez
Now, this is a woman's story. Unquestionably.
Heidi Regina
It's not mine.
Louis J. Gomez
Heidi, it's definitely yours. In fact, when it hasn't been yours, you've had this like, very confident thing where you were like, this is not mine. Fucking vote for me. Whatever you think. And now you're getting, like, very shy.
Big J Okerson
And bashful, but when it is yours, your feathers start to shiver.
Louis J. Gomez
No, Duncan. Duncan. You wasted your vote, for sure. I love you.
Duncan Trussell
But I got you. No, I got you. I trust you're so good at this.
Big J Okerson
Don't get me.
Duncan Trussell
You play mind games.
Big J Okerson
The story. The story can't be a lie.
Heidi Regina
What murderer?
Big J Okerson
And Lewis would never believe that he was in an encounter with. He doesn't believe that I believe in ghosts.
Duncan Trussell
Oh, but alien cocoon no.
Big J Okerson
No. He felt like that.
Louis J. Gomez
No, I knew you were.
Big J Okerson
You were rubbing his head.
Louis J. Gomez
I knew it wasn't an alien cocoon.
Big J Okerson
Basketball.
Duncan Trussell
My votes up. I'm right.
Big J Okerson
This is. Have you been to New Orleans? A bunch. Tim.
Tim Butterly
One time. You wanna.
Big J Okerson
Yeah. But you're not a fucking ghost nerd either.
Tim Butterly
You wanna.
Big J Okerson
This is a girl thing.
Tim Butterly
You wanna see. Guys, real quick. You wanna hear an impression of Big J talking to a ghost?
Duncan Trussell
Yes.
Tim Butterly
So what do you do for a dying. You ever haunted a black guy? It's Duncan, by the way.
Louis J. Gomez
Heidi is my answer. Big J agrees. Heidi hasn't voted yet. She waited till the end. She knows it's her.
Heidi Regina
I need more information. Duncan, have you been to New Orleans?
Duncan Trussell
Yes.
Heidi Regina
How many times?
Duncan Trussell
I don't know. A couple hundred.
Heidi Regina
Out of those hundred, are you into murder stories? I.
Big J Okerson
It's Duncan.
Heidi Regina
I just don't think the verbiage belongs to these two.
Big J Okerson
We're not. We don't. We don't believe in ghosts.
Heidi Regina
Or big vocabulary words. I think it's Duncan. Encounter. Terrifying.
Big J Okerson
Do you think those are hard words?
Heidi Regina
I'm saying it's not you.
Big J Okerson
What's a ghost? Crazy word. Like terrifying.
Duncan Trussell
Cheesed.
Louis J. Gomez
Alex. All of our answers are in Seven Stories Down. Whose story was it?
Alex (Producer)
All right. Story number seven belongs to Duncan Trussell.
Louis J. Gomez
Wow. Wow. Wow, wow.
Big J Okerson
Well, fuck me running.
Tim Butterly
Alex, Run me my points real quick.
Heidi Regina
Yeah, me too.
Louis J. Gomez
So, Duncan, what happened here? You spoke to a ghost?
Duncan Trussell
No, this was. This is honestly the only thing that makes me think ghosts might be real, which is I had this terrifying dream where, like, it. It was so fucked up, like. And I never write down dreams. I wrote it down. I'm in. I'm in Antarctica. Hey, I'm, like, in a tent in Antarctica. And, like, a body bag falls out of the sky in Antarctica. I go, unzip the body bag. There's this fucking dude in it. Now, this is the weirdest part. The dude kind of looks like Pete Holmes. In his pocket is a, like, love.
Big J Okerson
Note that could have been the ghost of John Ritter.
Duncan Trussell
There's a note in this dude's pocket, which is, like, written to my girlfriend, who I was there with. And I'm so mad at this ghost. You know, it's dream logic.
Big J Okerson
So you fuck my girlfriend.
Duncan Trussell
I bounce the ghost out of Antarctica. Like, I push him out of Antarctica. Anyway, the next night at the bar, this is the Ritz in New Orleans. I'm like, you guys have any ghosts here? And the bartender's like, you want to hear the ghost story? We're not supposed to talk about. I'm like, yeah, she's like a dude fucking butchered his girlfriend. Like put her body parts in a freezer and then jumped off the Ritz and had a suicide note in his pocket.
Heidi Regina
No way.
Duncan Trussell
And I looked him up, dude. And it looks a little bit like Pete Holmes. You can look it up.
Big J Okerson
Up.
Duncan Trussell
It's fucking weird, man. It's like, I don't know. Is the human brain like a player piano? It just uses like the. What? It's got, you know, whatever printer ink is in your brain. That's what it uses. So the closest my brain could get to it was Pete Holmes, you know. But yeah, I don't know. It's really fucking weird that actually happened to me.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh yeah. That's psychotic.
Duncan Trussell
It's weird.
Big J Okerson
I've never. I've never dreamt that vivid ever anything. If I'm like, I had a dream or something, what was it? I goes, I think my ex girlfriend was there. We like and fought. I think I was flying or something. Then I fell.
Louis J. Gomez
Alex, seven stories down, where are our points at?
Alex (Producer)
All right, in last place with six points. Points Big J Okerson.
Big J Okerson
I had fun with you guys. All right. Fun.
Alex (Producer)
In fourth place with 10 points, Duncan Trussell. In third place with 12 points, Tim Butterly. In second place with 13 points, Luis J. Gomez. And in the lead with 16 points, Heidi Regina.
Heidi Regina
I don't need your points, Louis.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh, no.
Big J Okerson
If she wins, we all look like simps who let it happen. Hey, did you have fun at the game? It was pretty cool. You won. I mean, we wanted. We were all sort of rooting for you.
Louis J. Gomez
We have one more story. You guys ready for your final story?
Duncan Trussell
Come on.
Big J Okerson
Everyone is so hyped up to bring home the book of useless information which offers zero knowledge of any substance to the reader. The book reveals that a man spend more on cat food than baby food annually. Prince William and Harry are uncircumcised. And that the Hula Hoop was the biggest selling toy in 1957. All information you really don't need to know. It can all go home with you if you win. Alex. Story number eight.
Alex (Producer)
Story number eight. I have a recurring dream where I'm in a convoluted maze type home on a cliff. All the bathrooms are overflowing with shit.
Heidi Regina
This could be anybody.
Duncan Trussell
This is Tim.
Big J Okerson
I think this is Tim or Duncan.
Duncan Trussell
It's not me, it's Tim. And I'll tell you why. Tim. Something fucked up happened to you in a bathroom for sure. This is related to the bathroom incident that happened to you where now you're having accidents.
Big J Okerson
And.
Duncan Trussell
The overflowing with thing just makes me think that your parents were weird when you took one of your first shits. It's Tim.
Big J Okerson
God damn it. It could be Tim.
Tim Butterly
I think it's Jay.
Heidi Regina
Either of you.
Louis J. Gomez
I'm also getting big J vibes on this. I'm getting big. Yeah. I feel like this is like some sort of, like, thing in his head where he's like, I'm, you know, I can't get out of this fight thing that smells like it's the relationship with me. It's. I don't know, dude. I. I don't know. I. I feel like Jay has. He's got some darkness in him. This is a dark dream.
Duncan Trussell
But also, Jay did just say I don't have, you know, my dreams just whatever. I fight with my girlfriend because he knew this insane MC Escher up dream that he has was coming. So it was some kind of faint or something. That's possible to too.
Big J Okerson
Dreams are stupid. They don't even mean anything. I don't know if I've ever had a reoccurring dream in my life.
Louis J. Gomez
I would also say I don't know.
Big J Okerson
If I've ever dreamed the same thing twice that I can remember.
Tim Butterly
Is, by the way, is reoccurring a word? I thought it was recurring.
Heidi Regina
Could be J.
Tim Butterly
That is a sign.
Big J Okerson
Dude, can I tell you something?
Tim Butterly
I think that probably rules out Duncan. Heidi's still on the board.
Duncan Trussell
Right? Right. Heidi, Let me ask.
Big J Okerson
It can't be me because I'm ready to argue this word.
Duncan Trussell
Heidi, have you ever lived in a maze type home on a cliff?
Heidi Regina
I have not.
Big J Okerson
No.
Tim Butterly
Also, based on what she thought were impossible words on the last one, I don't think she used convoluted.
Big J Okerson
That's how I feel also.
Duncan Trussell
Okay, fair enough.
Big J Okerson
I didn't want to say that part out loud, but I was feeling the same way.
Heidi Regina
What are you guys trying to say right now?
Tim Butterly
I'll tell you later.
Heidi Regina
Say it.
Duncan Trussell
Convoluted maze type.
Big J Okerson
Hyphenated maze type.
Duncan Trussell
It's Tim.
Louis J. Gomez
Overflowing with shit. That's some J language.
Big J Okerson
What? Yeah, that would be some better synonyms.
Duncan Trussell
It's gotta be Tim.
Louis J. Gomez
All right, I'm gonna get the voting going. Go on, Big J Erkerson is my vote.
Big J Okerson
Oh, it's Lewis for sure. Then it's not me. This is a dumb thing for it to be to think it would be me. I don't have a reoccurring dream.
Louis J. Gomez
I have a recurring dream that my teeth are crumbling out of my mouth all the time. A lot of people have that one.
Duncan Trussell
You know who else had that dream?
Louis J. Gomez
Who?
Duncan Trussell
Martin Luther King, right before he got shot.
Heidi Regina
He has premonition type dreams.
Duncan Trussell
That's so weird.
Louis J. Gomez
We got a few votes for Lewis. You guys are idiots.
Big J Okerson
Yeah, I got a. I'm out of the game anyway. But let me say this is gonna be be. I can play giant killer for sure. I think this is Lewis. The crowd agrees silently.
Louis J. Gomez
It's definitely Big J. I read. I. I know a Big J story if I've ever seen one.
Big J Okerson
You're still selling hard right now or you're about to be shocked.
Louis J. Gomez
It's already where the all the votes are in.
Alex (Producer)
All the votes are in.
Louis J. Gomez
Alex, tell me, how's Big J?
Alex (Producer)
The final story Story number eight belongs to.
Louis J. Gomez
No way. Heidi.
Alex (Producer)
Regina.
Duncan Trussell
Oh my goodness.
Heidi Regina
That was my most J like dream I could ever imagine.
Louis J. Gomez
She was like. I know what convoluted means, you fucking faggots.
Heidi Regina
You fucker. You all thought I pissed my pants and.
Big J Okerson
Thought you were a non convoluted nerd. Knowing pissy pants idiot. You fucked us hard. You us. Right hard.
Louis J. Gomez
Wow. So you have this dream all the time?
Heidi Regina
Yes. Oh my gosh. It's been happening for like 25 years. So this house is like. And the bathrooms are always like, none of them are working. And the doors in the that go to the bathroom are not tall enough so everybody can see you taking a shit. And so I can never find a bathroom. And so I just keep walking around. But yeah, they're like overflowing, especially on the lowest level. It's really, really bad. It's horrifying. It's a nightmare. It's not just. But yeah, this. This house is like on a cliff on the bottom of a hill. Same exact house every single time. It's wild.
Big J Okerson
That's your dystopian future future.
Heidi Regina
I sure hope not. It's scary.
Louis J. Gomez
That guy just came.
Big J Okerson
He finished.
Louis J. Gomez
Alex, give us our final scores. I think I know who won, but. Holy. What a. What a game. What a game. You guys had fun tonight. While they're tabulating the scores. What a fun show. The book of useless information on the line. Final scores.
Alex (Producer)
Alex in very last place with a single digigit score of only six points, Big J Okerson.
Big J Okerson
All right. I'm here all weekend at the mothership.
Alex (Producer)
In fourth place with 10 points, Duncan Trussell. In third place with 12 points, Tim Butterley. Second place, scored 13 points. And your winner tonight with 24 points. Heidi Regina.
Louis J. Gomez
Wow. Heidi Regina, you become officially a story warrior tonight.
Alex (Producer)
Yes.
Heidi Regina
Does this mean I can come to Skank Fest?
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, please. We want you at Skank Fest. Are you kidding me? We love you. If you need to listen to me, I have a suite at the Sinesta. If you wanna, I mean, not even a big deal. Like if you wanna like stay there. It's not even like, like whatever.
Heidi Regina
Yeah, that's perfectly. That that sounds great.
Big J Okerson
It's whatever, whatever.
Heidi Regina
Thank you guys. Double points.
Big J Okerson
You have officially been treated better than Kill Tony has ever treated you.
Heidi Regina
Thank you guys. You let me speak so much more.
Big J Okerson
How about congratulations to our Noah Story warrior Heidi, everybody. Heidi Regina. A big round of applause for our whole panel. The great Tim Butterly. The great Duncan Trussell, newest story warrior, Heidi Regina. Thank you guys so much for hanging out here with us at Story Wars Austin. It's been fucking great. We'll come back and do it again real soon. I'm Big J Okerson.
Louis J. Gomez
I'm Louis J. Gomez.
Big J Okerson
Until next time everybody.
Duncan Trussell
Peace.
Heidi Regina
Love you guys. With savings over $390 this shopping season, VRBO helps you swap gift wrap time for quality time with those you love most. From snow on the roof to sand between your toes. We have all the vacation rental options cover go to VRBO now and book a last minute week long stay. Save over $390 this holiday season and book your next vacation rental home on VRBO. Average savings $396. Select homes only.
GaS Digital Network | November 21, 2025
Guests: Duncan Trussell, Tim Butterly, Heidi Regina
Hosts: Big Jay Oakerson, Luis J. Gomez
Location: LIVE at Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX
This raucous live episode of Story Warz brings together comedians Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez with guests Duncan Trussell, Tim Butterly, and Heidi Regina for a fiercely funny "game of deceptive storytelling." Broadcasting from the Comedy Mothership, the panel navigates the theme of "Dreams"—each sharing bizarre, revealing, and hilarious dream-related stories (some true, some cleverly disguised as another's), while everyone else tries to guess the true author of each tale.
Throughout the night, the episode teems with quick wit, playful jabs, surreal anecdotes, and running gags—especially about panelists’ sexual exploits, metaphysical ponderings, and bodily embarrassments—with the audience and host crowd egging them on. By the end, a new champion is crowned in a highly competitive and laughter-filled contest.
Big Jay Okerson:
“This week’s winner takes home the Book of Useless Information by Noel Botham... a pointless collection of fun facts, odd history, and answers to questions nobody’s ever needed to ask.”
([07:00])
[08:51-15:25]
"Your dream is the explosion of desire. When you were penetrated by that gun... it woke something up inside of you."
([12:01])
[17:39-27:07]
“I still don’t have a stomach, though. It’s Tim, I think.”
([14:19])
Tim (sarcastically, on heroics):
"You're talking about me preventing a rape."
([19:23])
[32:50-41:09]
“There was aliens on the outside of it, and they were tapping on the bubble gum, going, doo, doo, doo. Hello. Be my friend.”
([39:59])
[43:09-51:09]
“Somebody that I had lived with… in the dream, she’s like, ‘I’m pregnant.’ And then that morning called me, I haven’t talked to her in probably a year, and was like, ‘I’m pregnant.’”
([50:50])
[51:23]
[59:58-66:48]
[74:12-80:48]
“There’s not much more to the story. We... butt fucked on the ocean. Then we ordered late night pizza.”
([80:36])
[82:42-90:03]
[92:16-97:19]
Final Tally:
“Heidi Regina, you become officially a story warrior tonight.” — Louis J. Gomez ([99:22])
“You have officially been treated better than Kill Tony has ever treated you.” — Big Jay Okerson ([99:56])
“Your win percentage is the same as Tim’s wet the bed percentage.”—Heidi, roasting Jay ([68:40])
“If she wins, we all look like simps who let it happen.”—Big Jay ([91:20])
“Is the human brain like a player piano? It just uses whatever printer ink is in your brain… The closest my brain could get to it was Pete Holmes.”—Duncan Trussell ([89:38])
“Hotels, dude. And it’s not a full piss. The worst part is realizing, oh, now I’m dreaming. Then my eyes shoot up, and then I’m pissing a little bit...”—Tim Butterly ([66:29])
“No glory in coming in last place if you don’t have zero points.”—Jay ([68:01])
| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|----------------------------------------------| | 07:00 | The Game, Stakes, and Prize Explained | | 08:51 | Story 1: Shot by a Comedian | | 17:39 | Story 2: Strip Club Shooting Hero | | 32:50 | Story 3: DMT Spaceship | | 43:09 | Story 4: Dreamed of Pregnancy | | 59:58 | Story 5: Bedwetting at Pro Athlete’s House | | 74:12 | Story 6: Anal Sex on Carnival Dream Cruise | | 82:42 | Story 7: Murderous Ghost in New Orleans | | 92:16 | Story 8: Maze House with Shitty Bathrooms | | 99:22 | Winner Announcement & Closing |
The “Dreams” edition of Story Warz delivered exactly what fans expect: riotous banter, personal revelations, relentless teasing, and the sharp comedic instincts of some of podcasting’s best. The episode showcases the subtle art of comedic deception, with Heidi Regina’s deadly straight face and surprising vocabulary ultimately earning her the coveted title of Story Warrior. With rapid-fire wit, profound nonsense, and no shortage of bodily function humor, it’s a dream for comedy junkies.
“You have officially been treated better than Kill Tony has ever treated you.”—Big Jay Okerson ([99:56])