Story Warz Ep. 070 – Rich Vos, Sean Patton, Dave Temple | Hotels

Date: December 5, 2025
Host: Big Jay Oakerson, Luis J. Gomez
Panelists: Rich Voss, Sean Patton, Dave Temple
Location: The Stand Comedy Club, NYC

Episode Overview

This episode of Story Warz on the GaS Digital Network revolves around the theme of "Hotels." Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez welcome comedians Rich Voss, Sean Patton, and Dave Temple for a riotously competitive game of deceptive storytelling, where panelists must bluff, deduce, and outwit each other with wild (sometimes incriminating) hotel stories from their pasts. With the stakes set—a copy of Quantum Mechanics in Everyday Life—the mood is rowdy, ruthless, and packed with old-school road comic tales, clever misdirections, and the kind of jokes you’d only hear in a green room.

Structure & Rules of the Game

• Each panelist submits 3-5 anonymous hotel-themed stories.
• Eight are selected and presented anonymously by producer Alex.
• When a story is read, panelists use dry erase boards to guess whose story it is while the author tries to deflect suspicion.
• Correct guesses = 2 points; successfully fooling others = 1 point per duped panelist.
• In the second half (rounds 5–8), point values double.
• The winner receives the "Story Wars library" book for the week.

Key Moments & Story Highlights

[01:10] Introductions & Banter

• Welcoming the sold-out audience; jokes about a “wedding ham” attendee.
• Jay, Luis, and panel riff about how often Rich and Dave have lost on the show before.
• Sean Patton claims, “Second time [competing], got cheated the first—looking to make up for that.” (03:16, Sean Patton)
• Rich Voss quips about being credited for old accomplishments: “I was so offended she didn’t know my new credits, you know.” (06:14, Rich Voss)

[06:41] Explaining the Game

• Today’s theme: Hotels.
• Mechanics, scoring, and prize details.
• Prize promo turns into race-jokes and friendly panel ribbing: “That was worth two Kamala presidencies.” – Luis (05:51)

[09:59] Story 1: Noisy Neighbors and the Cops

[Timestamps: 10:02–22:35]

• Story: TV volume war leads to cops being called at a hotel.
• Panel debates plausibility; tries to deduce if it’s Rich (“classic old Jew road dog move”) or Louis.
• Sean Patton gets away with the bluff, and it's revealed he’s the author – the chaos included a naked couple accusing him of being an intruder, and a police search over a false gun allegation.
• Sean: “Then I get a knock on the door, and it's her, and she's naked... then the guy, with a full erection...” (20:14ff, Sean Patton—delivered in deadpan; this wild visual is a crowd favorite.)
• Memorable reaction: “Yo, that was good, Temple. That was good. Away. I called that way late in the game.” (18:32, Lewis J. Gomez)

[29:17] Story 2: Broke and Robbing the Hotel Desk

[Timestamps: 29:17–35:45]

• Panel rundown: Who robs a hotel—Rich’s junkie past or Luis’s “Hispanic” upbringing? Or Dave, the “former biker with a checkered past”?
• Rich Voss, with self-deprecation and comic bravado, is revealed as the culprit: “I had 40 years sober. I don't rob people or hotels. I would have stole... your drugs back in the day.” (31:57)
• Story details: Hitchhiking down the shore as a teen, getting caught up in petty theft for a meal and quick cash.
• Jay: “Another day, get a mortgage.” (35:13, on how far $25 once went.)

[37:48] Story 3: Motel Hookup and the Roach Escape

[Timestamps: 37:48–47:42]

• Story: After receiving oral sex in a motel, the teller flees, blaming a bug.
• Rich again! “After you bust a nut with some girl, you're like... you know what I mean?” (47:21, Rich Voss)
• Jay, Lewis, and others all fall for the misdirection—Jake accuses everyone but the real culprit in comedic frustration.
• “You're too old to say 'bust a nut' anymore. Just say 'came.'” (47:28, Lewis J. Gomez)
• Running joke: If in doubt, just blame Voss for every depraved scenario.

[50:50] Story 4: Florida Hotel Squatting During a Hurricane

[Timestamps: 50:50–59:30]

• Story: Squatting in an evacuated Florida hotel, getting caught on vending machine security camera.
• Luis J. Gomez finally gets a win, recapping an epic saga of street promotion, natural disaster, and an absurd escape by limo.
• “That is the most Puerto Rican story I've ever heard.” (59:32, Dave Temple)

[66:23] Story 5: Bed Bug Dilemma and Demand for Justice

[Timestamps: 66:23–72:49]

• Story: Girl demands “justice” for a captured bedbug—author fakes a confrontation with the front desk.
• Panel riffs about racial and relationship dynamics—Jay: “This is like you're dealing with a black woman. Black women, they're very intense. Get your ass down there and get my motherfucking money back!”
• Dave Temple is outed as the real author: “Yeah, you have to get up and act like you fucking did something.” (72:06, Dave Temple)
• Classic panel improv: Jay and Lewis improvise black woman dialogue—raucous, rowdy, on-brand for the show.

[73:51] Story 6: Ejected From His Own Hotel Room for a Six-some

[Timestamps: 73:51–84:26]

• Story: The storyteller is asked to leave his own room while friends have a six-some.
• Jay: “You're a loser.” (75:15, Big J. Okerson, roasting himself)
• After panel wide speculation, Jay admits humiliation: he lost out to Joe DeRosa for the affections of a woman in spectacular, written-note fashion.
• “She wrote down a thing and folds a piece of paper up. I couldn't wait to grab it... It says: 'Joe.'” (82:43, Big J. Okerson)
• Panel: Derosa celebrated as the comic who “proves women are just as damaged as men” (84:02, Sean Patton).

[90:57] Story 7: Going Down on a Girl Who Falls Asleep

[Timestamps: 90:57–100:35]

• Story: Hooking up with a (drunk) female friend, giving oral—she falls asleep mid-act.
• After wild tangents about beard hygiene and race, Jay admits: “She was asleep. ...You know, she called me the next day, and we've been friends since we were kids, and still... but she goes, 'Hey, did we hook up last night?'” (99:00, Big J. Okerson)
• Panel: joking about “eating competition”; Rich, “When she fell asleep, that's when [Louis] would've robbed her.” (94:30)
• Story cements Jay’s “committed to the bit—even to unconsciousness” reputation.

[102:02] Story 8: Blocking a Roommate’s Canoodling at a Comedy Festival

[Timestamps: 102:02–113:01]

• Story: A comic lets an unbooked peer crash in his room at a festival, but has to shut down an attempted hookup as he lay “asleep.”
• Panel focuses on use of “canoodling” (old-school word); consensus is it's Voss or Sean.
• Sean Patton wins the final reveal: He describes kicking out an annoying roommate mid-seduction—by loudly pretending to use the bathroom and returning naked.
• “I straight up jumped up, went to the bathroom with the door open... I made a big production out of it.” (112:38, Sean Patton)

[115:04] Tiebreaker: The Road Comic’s Alibi

• Jay and Voss are tied for the win.
• Tiebreaker story: “A comedian advised me: Never let a girl stay the night; make sure she's laughing when you walk her to the lobby...ask the time at the front desk. This will keep you out of trouble.”
• Both guess Dave Temple—correctly. Temple explains: this was Voss's real-world advice to him early in his career.
• “If you're ever on the road and you're hooking up with a chick...Just get her laughing and talking on the way out—never get accused of rape.” (120:04, Dave Temple recounting Rich's advice)

Final Standings

1. Rich Voss — Winner (2x Story Warz champion, 16+ points after tiebreaker)
2. Big Jay Okerson — Tied 1st, fewer wagered points in tiebreaker
3. Sean Patton
4. Luis J. Gomez
5. Dave Temple

Notable Quotes

• “That was worth two Kamala presidencies.” (05:51, Lewis J. Gomez)
• “Every story could be six degrees of Kevin Bacon back to Luis J. Gomez.” (54:12, Lewis J. Gomez)
• “After you bust a nut with some girl, you're like... you know what I mean?” (47:21, Rich Voss)
• “I've never been looked at by a penis before. She was looking at me.” (23:25, Sean Patton)
• “If you hang out later than everybody else, a girl will fuck you.” (84:03, Sean Patton re: DeRosa)

Recurring Themes

• Rich Voss as Ageless Road Comic: Old-school misadventures of the comic road life, including theft, motels, and awkward sex.
• Comics Roasting Each Other: The entire episode is a roast in disguise, with each panelist the target and perpetrator in turns.
• The Art of the Bluff: Panelists routinely feign forgetfulness, double-bluff, or muddy the waters with throwaway accusations.
• Raucous Honesty: Panelists, especially Voss and Jay, unflinchingly own up to embarrassing or outright criminal misdeeds.
• Generational Gaps: Younger comics marvel (and mock) Voss’s world of checkered exploits and pre-wokeness survival tactics.
• Race & Gender Jokes: Numerous running bits about race, sometimes on the edge, but handled as part of self-dissecting comic culture.

Most Memorable Segment

• Sean Patton’s Naked Encounter & the Cops ([19:06–23:25])
  A surreal hotel-adjoining-doors fiasco, culminating in naked neighbors, a hard-on, police confusion and a false gun charge—delivered with Sean’s unique, anxious storytelling style. Both hilarious and hauntingly vivid.

Conclusion & Tone

“Story Warz: Hotels” is a masterclass in comedic camaraderie, unsparing self-exposure, and the fine line comics tread between humility and bravado. Each panelist brings wild tales and sharper wit, but it’s the mutual respect—and relentless ball-busting—that make this episode a standout. With every story, the contest grows tighter, the ribbing meaner, and the underlying respect for a life lived in green rooms, motels, and dodgy clubs shines through. As always, Voss wins by being the most incorrigible road dog of all.

For full chaos, listen in person—no amount of text can fully convey the laughter, misdirection, and energy. But this summary should give you every laugh and gasp-worthy moment—bugs, bedbugs, blowjobs, broken dreams and all.