071. Ian Edwards, Nina Kharoufeh, Josh Adam Meyers | Weapons

Summary

Story Warz Podcast — Episode 071

Weapons
GaS Digital Network | December 12, 2025
Panel: Big Jay Oakerson, Luis J. Gomez (hosts), Ian Edwards, Nina Kharoufeh, Josh Adam Meyers
Live from The Stand Comedy Club, New York City

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Overview

In this riotous and razor-sharp episode of Story Warz, Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez welcome comedians Ian Edwards, Nina Kharoufeh, and Josh Adam Meyers for a high-stakes game of deceptive storytelling—all centered on the theme of “Weapons.” Recording live at The Stand in NYC, the group swaps insane, possibly true tales—from harrowing family pencil stabbings to wild TSA arrests, and from obsessive fans to cheating accusations—and compete to fool each other and the audience. The stakes: a (possibly cursed) copy of The Catcher in the Rye.

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Episode Structure & Game Rules

• Each panelist submitted 3–5 personal stories involving weapons (loosely defined).
• Eight stories total are read at random by producer Alex.
• After each story is read, the panel guesses whose story it is. If you submitted the story, your job is to deflect suspicion.
• Points:
  • 2 points for guessing correctly
  • 1 point per person fooled if it’s your story
• Final four rounds: Points are doubled to keep things unpredictable.

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Key Moments, Stories & Insights

[03:14] Introductions:

• Ian Edwards is called “the guy to beat”—his first Story Warz appearance.
• Nina Kharoufeh: Podcast host (“Friendly Talk”) makes her debut.
• Josh Adam Meyers: Only returning contestant, wants to avoid “all my stories are about drugs and drinking” giveaway.

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[05:14] Tonight’s Theme: Weapons

• Luis J. Gomez, explaining the stakes:
  “Tonight’s winner takes home The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger.”
  Jay: “Holy shit, holy shit. Straight from the hands of the guy who shot John Lennon.”
  Nina: “Definitely one of the whitest books I’ve ever read.”
  —[06:21–07:30]

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STORY ROUNDS

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Story 1 ([08:21])

"I got into an argument at a family gathering with a close relative and stabbed them in the back of the shoulder with a pencil."

• Immediate ribbing about who could have written it—Lewis: “That’s very Puerto Rican!”
• Nina: “No, I would actually blow up the entire house. Kill all of us. Killing one family member with a pencil sends no message.”
• Panel fixates on this being a classic ADHD-rage white kid move, doubts about Josh.
• Reveal (15:27): Josh Adam Meyers.
  • He stabbed his older sister during an argument around age 4. “She was older and she would bully me…so she deserved it. Well, you know, she deserved it.”
• Jay: “You’re supposed to protect the ones you love.”
• [Notable quote, Josh, 15:39]: “Not my proudest moment, but we’re a better family for it.”

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Story 2 ([19:12])

"The first time I held a handgun, I was six years old. My best friend's father let me hold it and my mom flipped out on him."

• Theorizing about gun culture/parenting across panel—running joke about Nina’s “war-torn country” background.
• “My mom would not give a shit if I owned 17 guns.”—Nina, [20:06]
• Reveal (24:04): Luis J. Gomez
  • His friend Rocky’s dad let them hold his gun; Luis’s mom “screamed” at them.

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Story 3 ([29:42])

"An obsessed fan said he was going to shoot up my next comedy show. I snitched, and the FBI scooped him up."

• “Nina’s got nearly 400,000 followers…that’s a psycho dude.” – Big Jay
• Nina jokes about her FBI contacts (“I just Googled the FBI.”)
• Reveal (32:13): Nina Kharoufeh
  • “Some guy kept DMing me…‘I’m gonna come and kill everyone in your comedy show the next time you perform.’…So I called the cops and…the FBI.”
  • Fan was jailed after being registered as a terrorist.
  • Nina: “I see him every now and then. But it’s OK.”
  • Jay: “Do you really? You still see him?” Nina: “Once.”
• [Memorable quote, Nina, 33:28]: “His excuse? ‘Girls like Nina never give me attention…I wanted her attention.’ The judge was like, next time, try flowers.”

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Story 4 ([35:54])

"An ex accused me of cheating and threw a thick glass ashtray at my head even though we had already broken up."

• Early consensus: “This is one of those on-the-nose Lewis ones,” but debate as to whether it’s too obvious.
• Ian: “I believe him.” Jay: “Ian, you’re a big cheater.”
• Panel explores who’s been a “known cheater.”
• Reveal (41:21): Ian Edwards
  • Story: After breaking up, ex visits Ian at Edinburgh Fringe, suspects he hooked up with the only other Black woman in town: “I was like, ‘No, we didn’t do nothing!’ and she…threw the ashtray.”
  • Jay: “Was it a regular tray, but when it hit your elbow, it became ash?”

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Halftime Scores ([44:09])

• 4th (tie): Nina, Josh – 3 points
• 2nd (tie): Jay, Ian – 4 points
• 1st: Lewis – 8 points
• [Running gag about “perfect games” and the pain of zero points: “We’ve never had anybody that has gotten zero points for the entire game. So that’s its own little record!”—Jay]

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Plugs ([45:26])

[(skip summary per instructions)]

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“Double Points” Rounds

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Story 5 ([49:29])

"I once picked up an old used grenade off the floor a few hours before trying to board a flight. When TSA did the hand wipe thing, I got arrested."

• Panel convinced this is a “Nina” story—Arab stereotypes abound, but Nina fights hard to misdirect.
• Jay: “Who the fuck has an old used grenade lying around?”
• Reveal (56:14): Nina Kharoufeh
  • Picked up grenade in the West Bank hurling rocks, swabbed positive for explosives at Tel Aviv airport, arrested and deported.
  • Nina: “I was flying back to America…there was [grenade residue] all over the floor…I picked something up and it was a grenade…I got arrested in Tel Aviv.”

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Story 6 ([63:41])

"I dramatically started to carve a tattoo on my hand with a knife when I was 17. The first cut hurt too much, so I quit."

• Panel suspects one of the white male comics—debating emo behavior.
• Jay: “When I was in high school, I did try to carve ‘Nine Inch Nails’ into my forearm. I quit after the ‘NIN’.” [64:45]
• Reveal (71:52): Big Jay Oakerson
  • Jay admits he started (for a girl or himself) but quit at the first cut: “As soon as I saw the blood I went, ‘Oh, I’m not about that life.’”

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Story 7 ([73:56])

"In high school, I was held at gunpoint by a group of thugs for a bag of weed."

• Discussion centers on use of the word “thugs,” teasing Josh for code language.
• Josh: “I didn’t write it like that, so that’s why I didn’t think it was me.”
• Reveal (78:29): Josh Adam Meyers
  • Ninth grade, outside a friend’s apartment, five guys (multi-racial) steal Josh’s weed at gunpoint.

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Story 8 ([82:40])

"I got pulled over with a guy who had a bunch of coke and machine guns in the trunk. He went to prison."

• Joking Nina has “the craziest life of anyone ever.”
• Reveal (88:19): Nina Kharoufeh
  • Riding in a friend’s blacked-out Cadillac; when police open the trunk, friend goes to prison, Nina plays the “sweet pumpkin angel” to escape.

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Overtime Tiebreaker ([91:38])

Tie: Big Jay & Lewis (20 pts each)

Final Story:
"I had ten guys chasing me down the street, so I pretended to have a gun."

• Jay and Lewis agree it’s Ian.

• Reveal (93:10): Ian Edwards

  • “I went to see Rocky Horror in a white neighborhood—dudes started chasing me with bats and chains. I turned around, put my hand in my pocket, and pretended. They believed me and bailed.”

• Jay wagers 20, wins by going all-in:
  “Don’t try to put an asterisk on my win. You just lost. Sign the book. Let’s end the show.” [95:42]

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Notable Quotes & Banter Highlights

• Josh (on his violent family story): "My white hyperactivity musical personality… I stabbed my sister in the back… She deserved lead poison!" [15:54]
• Nina (about handling guns in Arab culture): “I’ve held several guns. I’m Arab, what do you expect?” [21:39]
• Jay (about picking up grenades): “Who the fuck has an old used grenade lying around on the floor?” [51:44]
• Nina (after being rightfully accused): “It’s called gaslighting.” [58:28]
• Ian (on not cheating): “She accused me of cheating. She threw the ashtray partly because she’s Jamaican.” [42:28]
• Jay (on friendship with Lewis): “Sometimes we cheat with each other. If we haven’t cheated in a while, I miss the action.” [37:42]
• Lewis (on Nina): “If you do spend time with Nina, though, one of you… you’re going to prison.” [89:52]

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Final Scores

• 4th: Ian Edwards
• 3rd: Josh Adam Meyers
• 2nd: Nina Kharoufeh
• Winner: Big Jay Oakerson, after tiebreaker with Lewis

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Memorable Moments & Episode Tone

• Raucous, merciless roast comedy throughout—panelists constantly ribbing each other about race, religion, intelligence, and criminal behavior.
• Running themes: Cheating, stereotype flips, gaslighting, and what “type” of person would wield which weapon.
• A live crowd with strong energy, resulting in a “rowdy” late-show atmosphere, peaking during accusations and voting.
• Lewis repeatedly “explains points” amid confusion and bickering (“We’ve never had anyone get zero points for the entire game!”).
• Nina’s elaborate misdirection and wild-but-true stories about explosives and crime kept both panelists and crowd guessing.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:14 — Introductions
• 05:14 — Weapons theme/game rules
• 08:21 — Story #1 (Pencil stabbing; Josh)
• 19:12 — Story #2 (Gun at age 6; Lewis)
• 29:42 — Story #3 (Fan shooting threat/FBI; Nina)
• 35:54 — Story #4 (Ashtray/cheating; Ian)
• 49:29 — Story #5 (Grenade residue at TSA; Nina)
• 63:41 — Story #6 (Knife tattoo fail; Jay)
• 73:56 — Story #7 (Weed/armed robbery; Josh)
• 82:40 — Story #8 (Coke/guns/car stop; Nina)
• 91:38 — Overtime tiebreaker (“ten guys chased me/I pretended to have a gun"; Ian)
• 95:05 — Jay wins, final banter

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Conclusion

Story Warz 071 (Weapons) delivers everything fans expect from the series: outrageous true (and maybe not-so-true) tales, relentless mockery among top comedians, and the chaos of live game-play in front of a New York crowd. Highlights include Nina’s wild brushes with the law and stalkers, Jay’s self-mutilation misadventures, and Josh’s childhood violence. With weapons both literal and metaphorical in play, this is classic podcast storytelling—no holds barred, and definitely not for the faint of heart.

Transcript

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Big J Okerson]

Hey, Story Warriors. Black Friday is upon us. @storywarsmerch.com Every item is buy two, get one free shirt. Toadies and brand new mugs now available. We got the double point shirts, we got the logo shirts. Many more coming soon.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So if you head on over right now to Story wars merch, that's wars with a Z. StoryWarsMerch.com get your merch today. All right, let's start the show. Fill her up.

[Josh Adam Myers]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Story wars.

[Big J Okerson]

With the Story Warriors, Big J Okerson and Lewis J. Coman.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, it's good to be back. What's up, everybody? Welcome to Story Awards. Can you make some fucking noise in here for me, would you please? New York City. We are back at our home, the New York Comedy Club here in New York City. I'm Big J Okerson and of course, Louis J. Gomez. We asked this of every crowd before Story Wars. Who here is familiar with the game Story Wars?

[Big J Okerson]

That was terrible. Who's not familiar with Story Wars?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, well, that wasn't everybody.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Get out.

[Big J Okerson]

Get out now. You're gonna love this. It's a game show podcast and we're gonna explain exactly what it is. I promise you right now. You guys are gonna have a lot of fun. Am I right, folks? So excited.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If you're not familiar with the game, we will explain it once we get our Steam panel up here. Our first contestant, you might know him from his new special called Untitled on YouTube. Everybody make some noise for the great, the hilarious, Ian Edwards.

[Big J Okerson]

Ian Edwards, legendary comedian. Never been on. First time on Story, first time. How have you been preparing for this?

[Ian Edwards]

Have I been preparing? I've been watching, man. And I don't like how you be winning, Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it does seem like a point of contention.

[Ian Edwards]

You know what I'm saying?

[Big J Okerson]

Nobody likes it. Nobody likes it. I'm the guy to beat tonight.

[Ian Edwards]

It's going to be on. That's all very exciting. Be very competitive.

[Big J Okerson]

Our second competitor also making her Story wars debut. She's got a podcast called Friendly Talk. Ladies, I'm going to put your hands together for Nina Kufa.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Let her hear it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Nina, thank you so much for being here.

[Nina Karufa]

Thanks for having me. I'm excited.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's gonna be a very, very fun one. Our only returning contestant, last but not least, Everybody from the 500 podcast. He's currently on the Live and Unleashed tour. And you know him, of course, from the goddamn comedy jam. Make some noise for Josh Adamires. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh.

[Ian Edwards]

Josh.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Josh.

[Big J Okerson]

Josh.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh Stoke. That's what. I could have done that for 45 more minutes.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Me too, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, look, Josh, you are returning. You're back. You haven't won before.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I was close.

[Big J Okerson]

You're very close. Second place.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Josh made the mistake last time that the first story someone thought was his. And he goes, no, all my stories are about drugs and drinking. And then every time the story was about drugs or drinking, it was Josh.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Yes, but. But now mine are all about growing up in the slums of Jamaica.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Perfect.

[Josh Adam Myers]

And praying to Muhammad.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

There you go. Yes. So it does work out. It will be harder to guess this time if you aren't familiar with the game of Story wars or is your first time listening at home. It is a very, very simple game. All five of us on this panel, including Lewis and I, have submitted three to five stories on one particular topic. Tonight's topic, Weapons. Weapons.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Weapons.

[Big J Okerson]

Look at all the Latinos. They're like, ah, weapons. Yeah, weapons.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They didn't know they could bring in weapons. Weapons.

[Big J Okerson]

Weapons.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, our lovely producer, will take eight of those stories at random and read them off one at a time. It will appear here on the screen. And if it's your story, you're the only person who knows that. It's your job to make everybody think it's not your story. If it's not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.

[Big J Okerson]

Every time you guess a story correctly, you get two points. Every time you fool a person on the panel, you get one point. So if it's your story, you can get up to four points. It's a very important moment in the show when it's your story. Once you write your answer on the dry erase board. Put the dry erase board in the slot right here and remove your hand. That's it. That's your final answer. You cannot change it. Okay? And I'll tell you right now, this game is so much fun, the people have never seen it before. You're going to have more fun than you've ever had at any live podcast in your entire life. But we don't play for fun. Jay, let them know what we're playing for today.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Every week here on Story wars, we are playing for a book from the Story wars library. Tonight's winner takes home the Catcher in The Rye by J.D. salinger.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Oh, I want that classic.

[Big J Okerson]

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We got it, everybody. Right from the dead hands of that guy that shot and killed John Lennon. The Catcher in the Rye follows Holden Caulfield as he wanders New York after leaving his prep school. He tells the story in his own voice, jumping between sharp observations and small moments that he can't quite explain. The book captures what it feels like to be lost, restless, and caught between childhood and adult.

[Josh Adam Myers]

The cat's eye. Oh, I want that.

[Big J Okerson]

It's bringing me back to high school.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Straight from the hands of that three named guy who killed John Lennon.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Mark Paul Gosler.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Mark Paul Gosler. Mark Paul, that's right. He played Zack Morrison and then most famously went on two murderer. John Lennon. Mark Paul Gosler's very own copy of Catcher in the Ride.

[Ian Edwards]

Definitely one of the whitest books I've ever read.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's so white. I've never read it. That's how black I am.

[Ian Edwards]

Bunch of phonies.

[Big J Okerson]

Great one.

[Ian Edwards]

Phonies. Bunch of phonies.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think everybody that gets it is going to get it. So what do you say? Is this crowd ready for war?

[Big J Okerson]

Come on, New York City. Are you ready for war?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Are you ready for war?

[Big J Okerson]

Are you ready for war?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hang on, is this crowd. And you were a comedy club?

[Big J Okerson]

Sold out.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Are they fucking ready for war? Well, then, without any further ado, Alexandra, story number one.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number one. I got into an argument at a family gathering with a close relative and stabbed them in the back of the shoulder with a pencil.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, that doesn't sound. Yeah, that sounds. Not that white.

[Josh Adam Myers]

That's very Puerto Rican.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Listen, I understand the stabbing for sure, but we would all know the story of when Lewis stabbed him in the back with a pencil.

[Big J Okerson]

They don't have pencils in Jamaica So it's not. They don't have them.

[Josh Adam Myers]

It's more charcoal, coal, sharpened sticks.

[Big J Okerson]

They use dirt in the fucking finger.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You've spent more time in Jamaica than Ian, and he's Jamaican.

[Big J Okerson]

I love. I do love Jamaica, and that's how I know that they don't have pencils there. Jay, thank you very much.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes. Proven.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I mean, argument with a family gathering, close relative, stab them. That's a wild thing. That's a moment where it's like you're trying to fucking. You're trying to make a point. I will say this much, that that's also a very womanly thing to do.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Very. That's what I was going to say. But I believe she'd be dead if she did this to a man in her family.

[Nina Karufa]

No, no. I would actually blow up the entire house. Kill all of us.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Yes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So you take them all at once.

[Nina Karufa]

Yes. Team, we're all dying.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So killing one family member with a pencil sends no message.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Yeah, but also, this could be Philly trash.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, Josh.

[Big J Okerson]

One of my closest friends know when.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I stabbed my family member with a pencil.

[Big J Okerson]

Not a stabbing. A family member with a pencil guy. I just know that that's not. That is not.

[Josh Adam Myers]

That's more of a Lewis thing for sure.

[Big J Okerson]

Maybe, But I think you would know the story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, well, Lewis doesn't have any close relatives. He doesn't have enough close relatives. That one of them has been stabbed. And I didn't hear. They're all. All of Lewis's family.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, one of them, my father, has been stabbed, but it wasn't with a pencil.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but that was with an actual knife in the gut.

[Nina Karufa]

Yeah, this is definitely a white person crime.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, see, I thought.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I don't think that's a white person crime. I think this is an every person crime.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, that's right. Josh. Josh.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This could be Josh. Josh is a wild. He looks like a kid. That was like undiagnosed Ritalin kid.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Yes, and. But I wasn't allowed to do sharp things until was 14. All right. I couldn't have. I couldn't have high C or anything sharp until I was an adult.

[Big J Okerson]

So if you guys don't know Josh, he's like a musician as well and does a goddamn comedy jam. It's great. What I think happened was Josh was writing little gay lyrics in his notebook.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah. Oh, the lord, you will be mine.

[Josh Adam Myers]

One more time Lying awake in bed One more time you'll be mine.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, nice lyrics.

[Ian Edwards]

This is the most interrupted.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice lyrics, faggot.

[Josh Adam Myers]

No, no. I love that you think I was writing lyrics. I can barely write a joke, and, like, I'm gonna write fucking lyrics.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I didn't say they were good lyrics. I was saying, skadoo, skadim, skedam, blam.

[Big J Okerson]

But, Nina, why do you say this is. You feel like it's a white person?

[Nina Karufa]

I just feel like it was Josh because he was probably fucking up on his homework and got angry, just stabbed one of his parents. Cause he has ADHD or undiagnosed bipolar disorder. Cause you're white, and that's what most of you guys are. I'm sorry. You're all a bunch of crazies.

[Ian Edwards]

I feel like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, I'm sold.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I'm starting to identify with the far right right now and hoping that all Muslims get evicted from our country.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm prepared to believe her because I am assuming that Nina's been a doctor since she was 14 years old.

[Nina Karufa]

Thank you very much. I love that people think I'm smart because of my hijabi, but I'm actually a really dumb bitch.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Don't tell people.

[Josh Adam Myers]

The quietest person here is Ian. So always.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Ian Edwards]

Yeah, always.

[Nina Karufa]

But Ian's black. He would have shot one of them. Not so that notification.

[Ian Edwards]

I feel like this color. This story has no color. It could be any one of us up here. That's what this story looks like. I look at Lewis, I like, this could be Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

If you knew me in middle school, I never had a pencil. Not me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That was your last eyeliner pencils.

[Big J Okerson]

I would have. Yeah. Last month is gang fest. You wear nail polish currently.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Never stab anybody with it.

[Big J Okerson]

That's true. You can't.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You can't.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a brush with nail polish.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Try to stab someone with a nail polish applicator. It's impossible.

[Big J Okerson]

Damn it. All right, who. This guy right here. Who with the tattoos on his face. You've stabbed somebody. Who are you?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Or he's wrapped about stabbing this guy.

[Big J Okerson]

This guy is as dangerous as they come. Can we get a roaming camera in the crowd moving forward at the very least, I mean, we got to show this guy. He's got. He's got more stories than anybody on this panel.

[Ian Edwards]

He's got all the stabbing stories.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Takashi67.

[Ian Edwards]

His face6'7.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. I'm gonna show this episode to my niece. She's gonna lose her mind. Sir, who are you getting these stabbing vibes from? If you sort of put your stabbing.

[Ian Edwards]

Aura out, sir, his face is an exorcist.

[Big J Okerson]

Because it could be anybody. You're going with shorty right here.

[Ian Edwards]

Wow.

[Nina Karufa]

Oh, what did I do to you?

[Josh Adam Myers]

Always believe a guy that'. Suboxone.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Always.

[Nina Karufa]

His face looks like a high school desk.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah, that's his art in detention.

[Ian Edwards]

He's got gum under it.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh. Oh, you pissed off Nina.

[Nina Karufa]

Don't piss me off. I'm having a rough day and I have my period, so.

[Ian Edwards]

Amen.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God. You can have your period without a clit. Without.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right.

[Nina Karufa]

I will beat you to death.

[Big J Okerson]

She really will. She's very tough.

[Ian Edwards]

You know, you're not making your case for not stabbing people, you know, but.

[Nina Karufa]

I'm a little violent. I'm an Arab. That's why the theme was Weapons Today.

[Big J Okerson]

That is true. Well, it was weapons of mass destruction, but we shortened it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

There's only really one story about that.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. We got to get this voting going. I actually kind of believe Nina, and I'm getting a Josh Adam Myers vibe. This is like a little, like, no offense, Josh, a little guy move. You stab your cousin in the back with your pencil because you can't beat him up. No offense, Josh. I feel like it's you, Josh. You put Lewis J writes Ian puts Nina. Big J puts Josh. Why Josh J. Before. Before the. Make it official.

[Ian Edwards]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I believe Josh was probably an unmedicated, hyperactive kid who. This. I don't know the story. Even though I'm very close to Josh. I don't know this because this is one of several fucking writing utensil stabbings that it's taking place in his house while he was doing something crazy. He's like, you interrupted my. My perfect copy of Metallica's logo.

[Josh Adam Myers]

It's a perfect push head.

[Big J Okerson]

Come on, Alex. All of our answers are in story number one.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number one belongs to Josh Adam Myers.

[Josh Adam Myers]

You all nailed it. My. My white hyperactivity musical personality. No, I think I was just. Remember being in the garage and I don't even know. It was really a family function. Maybe it was like Russia Shauna or something. And I was like, that's for family. And I was, like, arguing with my sister, and then she turned around and I just, like, stabbed her in the back. It was my s. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Jesus.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, no, no.

[Big J Okerson]

She used to bully.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She was older. It's true.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Back then, she was. She was older. And. And she would bully me when I was. This was like. I was probably like, 4.

[Ian Edwards]

Your younger sister bullied you?

[Josh Adam Myers]

No, she was older. She was older. She was a dude when she was young, man. And so she deserved it. Well, you know, she deserved it.

[Big J Okerson]

She Deserved lead poison.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I mean, I didn't go.

[Big J Okerson]

It was just like a.

[Josh Adam Myers]

It's just like a.

[Big J Okerson]

It was.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I don't know how deep it went. It's just so long ago.

[Ian Edwards]

Even the guy with the tats on his face, like, that's gone too far.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You don't st.

[Josh Adam Myers]

He's like, I want.

[Big J Okerson]

I want.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Set a guy on fire that owed me money, but, dude, stabbing somebody with a pencil, dude, your sister.

[Big J Okerson]

That's low.

[Josh Adam Myers]

It was.

[Big J Okerson]

It was crazy.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Not my proudest moment, but we're. We're better. We're better family for it.

[Big J Okerson]

You're supposed to protect those you love. The ones you love, you must protect.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's your air mama, bro.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Should have settled it over some carne asada. Been cool, man.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, where are points at one story.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Damn it.

[Alex (Producer)]

All right. In last place with zero points.

[Ian Edwards]

You have to say it like that.

[Alex (Producer)]

Ian Edwards. In fourth place with one point, Josh Adam Myers take back. And tied for first place with two points each, Lewis J. Gomez, Big J. Okerson, and Nina Karufa.

[Nina Karufa]

I'm a sore loser. I'm winning this.

[Big J Okerson]

So.

[Nina Karufa]

So just my book.

[Josh Adam Myers]

So just so I know, because I want to know if I get a point on everything. That's still the streak that I had last time. Because, remember, like, last time, I almost got a point on everything. So you're saying you.

[Big J Okerson]

You were playing a perfect.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I want to try to do a perfect game. You're not doing a perfect game.

[Big J Okerson]

You just. Three.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I just got one.

[Big J Okerson]

Three.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I just got a point.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no, no, no. First story down.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I thought it was get a point.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think if you get points in every round, we call that a perfect game.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yes.

[Josh Adam Myers]

That was what it was.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Do we not, Lewis?

[Big J Okerson]

No. All right. Shut the. It's not a perfect game.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's impossible to ever get a perfect game. Then you have to fool everybody on.

[Big J Okerson]

Every one of your. No, that's what happens when it's your story. Yes, it is. What. It's. What is your story. You fool everybody. That's the impressive apart G, Mike, Alex.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Is that true?

[Alex (Producer)]

I mean, it's not perfect unless you score every possible.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But when we say someone's close to a perfect game, they've gotten. Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

They fooled everybody and they've gotten the right answer every time.

[Ian Edwards]

Yes.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

We've had people come very close.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh. It feels like everyone over there is getting a little bit, like, changing the answer over there.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm not sure Bruce is like. Yeah. That's the way it goes. Now they're Going, I'm not sure.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's fine. Guys, in the comments, write your opinions. It's gonna be. There's a thousand people being like, of course it has to be perfect game. It's called a perfect game. It's. Josh just got. Literally didn't fool three of us. What is perfect about his game so far? I got one opposite of one.

[Nina Karufa]

I got one that was by default. Cuz it was your story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Perfect.

[Ian Edwards]

I don't have to worry about perfect game.

[Big J Okerson]

No, we've been close. All right, Alex. Story number two.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number two. The first time I held a handgun, I was six years old. My best friend's father let me hold it and my mom flipped out on him.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't hold a handgun until I was maybe 15 years old.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And you never had a best friend. Yeah, I don't think he did have a best friend. He didn't have a father either.

[Big J Okerson]

My mom flipped out the lights and went to sleep because she didn't care about me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm gonna think that it is maybe Nina because she is from a war torn country.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's true.

[Big J Okerson]

So there's a good chance they were like, here, hold this. And it was a rocket launcher on her shoulder. She says handgun. Never mind.

[Nina Karufa]

My mom would not give a if I owned the 17 guns. So yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. She came home at 7 years old, was like, mom, I'm a human bomb.

[Nina Karufa]

And she was proud of me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, she was. Hell yeah, baby. Good for you. Let's find a cause.

[Ian Edwards]

This feels like another Josh story.

[Nina Karufa]

No, it's another job.

[Big J Okerson]

This is.

[Josh Adam Myers]

This first line is written like Cormac McCarthy. Like, I couldn't write that well. I mean, that's like the beginning to no country for Old Men.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Josh just does smack of writer.

[Josh Adam Myers]

A very good writer, Ian Edwards.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And yes, we're all trying to avoid guessing black guy first.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I said it.

[Ian Edwards]

That's never stopped you before. I watched the show.

[Big J Okerson]

I said it. I said it.

[Nina Karufa]

I don't know, I just don't feel like Josh's mom would care.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What?

[Nina Karufa]

I don't feel like Josh's mom would like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It does look like no one cared about Josh growing up.

[Ian Edwards]

But he did.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

His mom loves him very much.

[Ian Edwards]

They didn't care that he stabbed his sister.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's true. They just moved on.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Oh, I got in trouble for that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was a bad Russia shot.

[Big J Okerson]

Ian, have you ever held a gun?

[Ian Edwards]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Have you? How old were you when you first held the gun? You gonna hold on you? I gotta tell people. I forget to tell people in the back. You can lie.

[Ian Edwards]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

God damn it.

[Ian Edwards]

What age does it say on that? Oh, okay. This story's fake because the first time I held a gun, I was two.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

They put it in the crib with him. Nina, have you held a gun before?

[Nina Karufa]

Several.

[Big J Okerson]

Several guns Ever?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

A handgun or always Big stuff?

[Nina Karufa]

Both. I'm an Arab. What do you expect?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I expect to be on the back of a jeep waving guns like this.

[Nina Karufa]

Absolutely.

[Big J Okerson]

If you. You win. Tonight.

[Nina Karufa]

I embrace being a savage.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I love it.

[Ian Edwards]

With the same take from this story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She has to take the tort off the back of a tort gun off the back of a Jeep. Every time she goes. Like an alpine face. Like an alpine face plate.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean. All right, look, I'm. I. I don't think it's. I don't know why. I don't think it's Jay, but it could be Jay. You had a good mom who fucking cared about you, and she wouldn't want you holding a gun when you were 6 years old. When's the first time you held a gun?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She came in, I was like this. I was, like, touching to my face. I was giving weird movie speeches. This cold steel is what makes me know I'm alive. This is Ian, y'.

[Big J Okerson]

All. You thinking Ian?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I am thinking.

[Ian Edwards]

Y' all don't think this is Jay?

[Big J Okerson]

Jay just voted very quickly for some reason, and now I'm thinking that Jay, as soon as we put a little.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was quick. We did a whole thing with Nina and the guns. We talked about how maybe it's Josh quick.

[Nina Karufa]

Also, Ian took too long to answer the question when he first held a gun, so that was very suspicious of you.

[Ian Edwards]

Yeah, I was 2.

[Nina Karufa]

It's true or you're guilty?

[Big J Okerson]

I think it's Ian or Big J. I'm getting vibes from both of them.

[Nina Karufa]

Me, too.

[Ian Edwards]

I feel like it's Big J. Jay, what was your. Was you. Was you. Did you grow. Grow up with your moms?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Josh Adam Myers]

That made me think it was you, Ian.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Trying to think who my best friend's father was. He would let us have a. A hold a gun.

[Ian Edwards]

The thing is, my best friend Big.

[Big J Okerson]

J's acting right now.

[Ian Edwards]

Yeah, I think.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I went. I just went, Ian. Because the way he tried to throw it. Throw it back. He. I think it's you, Jay.

[Ian Edwards]

I do think it's Jay. I don't.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I'm gonna go.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Everybody's are locked in. Alex.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Come on.

[Alex (Producer)]

All right, everybody, Story number two belongs to Louis J. Romans.

[Big J Okerson]

That's right. I came to win.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

My friend, My best friend Rocky, who is the same kid, you've heard him in other stories, where he's trying to suck my dick in a game of Truth or dare when we were 10 years old in his pool. I didn't let him. But he wanted to. He dared me to let him suck my dick. Crazy. Crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I bet he tells that the exact opposite way. We got in a pool, and this guy kept daring me to dare him to suck. Let me suck his dick.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. But my friend Rocky's dad was just. He's like. Had a revolver, and he was like. He would shoot, like, target practice, like, in the backyard, and that's wild. It was crazy. It was literally crazy. And, yeah, he, like. He let us hold it. He's like. Just the feel of it, it was. I remember just. It being so heavy at six years old, it felt like the heaviest thing ever. And, yeah, I went home and told my mom, and she fucking lost her mind. And she. She, like, sort of screaming at them, and she was like, I'm not gonna let him go over there anymore. And then I begged her because he was my only friend who had any money at all. So we had, like, nice toys and things. And I was like, no, you can't take this away from me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Me, mom, none of my friends can come here because you're a drug addict. I can't go there because they let us play with guns.

[Big J Okerson]

Can we move? Alex, where are points at?

[Alex (Producer)]

All right. In last place with zero point.

[Ian Edwards]

Jesus Christ, Edwards.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Perfect game. Reverse dial.

[Ian Edwards]

Not feeling Alex's energy right now.

[Big J Okerson]

We've also. We've never had anybody that has gotten zero points for the entire game. So that's its own little record that we.

[Ian Edwards]

That's a perfect, perfect.

[Big J Okerson]

Continue, Alex.

[Alex (Producer)]

In fourth place with one point, Josh Adam Myers.

[Ian Edwards]

That's what you get for being racist, motherfucker.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You racist piece of shit.

[Alex (Producer)]

Tied for second place with two points each, Big J. Okerson and Nina Karufa.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Free Palestine.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you.

[Nina Karufa]

Yes, bitch. Free Palestine.

[Big J Okerson]

Today's episode of Stories wars is brought to you by freeing Palestine. Use the promo code wars with a Z if you'd like to. Free Palestine.

[Ian Edwards]

War.

[Big J Okerson]

Z Warz.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Pay no attention to our break commercial for I stand with Israel, which it's. Whoever pays us, we're really shills.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, we really will. Whoever pays us, whatever the moment brings.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Brings us more money.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I am sorry, Alex.

[Alex (Producer)]

And in the lead with six points, pitching a perfect game, Luis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

Now, you're right. I Am currently pitching a perfect game. Cause I fooled everyone and I got the first question correct. You booed me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Someone booed you.

[Big J Okerson]

Somebody booed. They hate me winning. They hate me winning.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Who want that book?

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, story warriors, let's thank Turtle beach this holiday season for supporting the show. This is a great gift for that gamer in your life because Turtle beach has incredible hardware that is really just the absolute top of the line in gaming. I love their Generation 3 Stealth 700 set headset which features rich audio, immersive surround sound. And you're going to feel like you step directly into the game and I'll tell you right now, 80 hours in battery life so you can game all.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Weekend long, no charging. It's saved me last Christmas. It will do the same thing this year. Turtle beach. And not just because of the head. I got the headsets last year for everybody but they have all kinds of stuff. Flight sticks, racing wheels, professional style controls, mice, keyboards, everything you possibly need for gaming, online gaming. If that's your jam, head over right now to turtlebeach.com and use code wars with a Z warz for 10% off your entire order. That's 10% off your [e-mail] with promo code W W A R Z Wars right now. Go check them out. Turtle Beach. Save your own ass this Christmas.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's thank Zipix Toothpicks for supporting today's show. If you guys, look, look. If you're trying to cut back on nicotine and smoking and all that other stuff, this is a great way to satisfy your nicotine craving. Anytime, any place. Where you're traveling, at school, at work, whatever you need. Zippix toothpicks or nicotine and flavor infused. You could try their sweet whiskey, peppermint melon or mocha. 2, 3 milligrams of nicot. Genuinely incredible. If you're on a flight, if you're in class, if you're at work, you can't smoke a cigarette. Pop it right in your mouth, you got a toothpick and you look like you're razor or more.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You do. Bobby, flat out it got him off. He was vaping for a minute. Bobby Kelly. And he got him off of those completely.

[Big J Okerson]

Way better.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The Zippix. Yeah, it was much easier. You could also do nicotine free. They have zip energy toothpicks when fused with B12 and 30 milligrams of caffeine, which is great for a midday pickup. But if not, I mean, if the nicotine ones. If you're looking to like said, cut back just Anything. Just ease that. Satiate that urge. It's a really good option. I really do stand by Zipix a lot. They have helped hundreds of thousands of customers get their nicotine fix only sold [e-mail] so get 10% off your first order by using the code Warz with a Z at checkout. You must be 21 or older. Warning. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Zip more, smoke less. With Zipix nicotine toothpicks. Check them out right now@zipix toothpicks.com promo code wars with a Z for 10% off. All right, let's get back into it.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex. Story number three.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number three. An obsessed fan said that he was going to shoot up my next comedy show. I Snitched, and the FBI scooped him up.

[Big J Okerson]

Dave Smith.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Right there.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Right there. Dude.

[Ian Edwards]

Dude. No.

[Nina Karufa]

Dude, I have zero fans.

[Big J Okerson]

No, that's not true.

[Josh Adam Myers]

But you have a. And that goes far.

[Big J Okerson]

Nina's got. Nina's got nearly 400,000 followers on Instagram. Nina's got a big following. My yeah's pretty.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's a psycho, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Yep. Psycho dude.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She's hot.

[Josh Adam Myers]

She already knows the FBI because she's Muslim.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's true.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Yep.

[Big J Okerson]

She just. She went through first dial, bitch.

[Ian Edwards]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

Sergeant.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Sergeant Baker. Hey, I know you're usually spying on me, but I need your help.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Finally start talking into her own house plants. Hey, guys, he says some crazy. If you want to look up this name.

[Nina Karufa]

Lewis also has crazy fans.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Not like that, though.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He was. Dude, he just jujitsu him.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I literally invite them over to hang out.

[Nina Karufa]

Are you asking to get raped?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Ian Edwards]

She just walked across the the street and knocked on the window of the flower van. Guys, Guys, I got a crazy fan.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I want to spend more time riffing, but there's nobody else that can.

[Josh Adam Myers]

It's over, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

God damn it.

[Nina Karufa]

I think it was Louis.

[Ian Edwards]

This could be. Could be Lewis, too, man.

[Nina Karufa]

It is Lewis.

[Ian Edwards]

It could.

[Alex (Producer)]

Why?

[Big J Okerson]

Why? Guys, it could be going so fast.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Lewis has no. This could be connection to the FBI. Nope. How do you get ahold of the FBI?

[Nina Karufa]

I don't know. Why are you looking at me?

[Ian Edwards]

I don't like how everybody's writing this so fast.

[Big J Okerson]

What is it?

[Nina Karufa]

You just Google it.

[Big J Okerson]

You just Google the FBI.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Well, there it is.

[Big J Okerson]

You can't just call the FBI. You know what, Alex, get him on the horn.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Dude, call the FBI. Call him a fake.

[Alex (Producer)]

Dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, I'm going to phone a friend right now.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Dude, you could DM Kash Patel Right now. And he'd reply back immediately.

[Big J Okerson]

Nina is the answer. Ian doesn't know how to spell my name.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's fine, Alex.

[Big J Okerson]

All of her answers are.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He does a phonetic. He doesn't call you Luis.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Luis.

[Big J Okerson]

Luis. Louis, my friend with the tattoos on his face does, though. Louise. Thank you, Alex. All of our answers are in.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number three belongs to Nina Carru.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Perfect game.

[Nina Karufa]

I didn't know it was gonna be this easy. I wanted to resubmit my stories. I'm obsessed.

[Big J Okerson]

When was this? What happened?

[Nina Karufa]

This was like a year ago. Some guy kept DMing me. He was obsessed. And he was just like, I'm gonna come and kill everyone in your comedy show the next time you perform. And I was.

[Big J Okerson]

Was he trying to, like, impress you? Cause that impresses Muslim. Muslim women are like, you're gonna shoot up an entire crowd for me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I must be hot.

[Nina Karufa]

I mean, if it was a show filled with Israelis, maybe, But, like, not at the New York Comedy Club. Like, so I called the cops, and.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The FBI went, New York, by the way, City is a club filled with Israelis.

[Nina Karufa]

Yeah, but a lot of them are anti Zionists, so they're good in my book. Yeah. So he went to jail for, like, two years. Cause he was registered as a terrorist. And then in court. In court, they had asked him, like, why did you harass this girl?

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, if you registered me as a terrorist, if I was a white guy, I'd shit myself. Like, this is insane.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

His excuse was, america, I'm a terrorist.

[Nina Karufa]

His excuse literally was like, girls like Nina never give me attention. So I wanted her attention. And the judge was like, next time, try flowers.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Nina Karufa]

And then he got out. And I see him every now and then, but it's okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Nice.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you really? You still see him, though?

[Nina Karufa]

Once.

[Big J Okerson]

Where did you see him?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm probably gonna change. That's all it takes.

[Nina Karufa]

I've made peace with it.

[Ian Edwards]

Can I change seats?

[Nina Karufa]

He's obsessed. I mean, can you blame him? Stop.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Listen. I understand. I understand obsession. Are you kidding? Tonight's winner goes home with a book that a man became so obsessed with, he murdered John Lennon. The Catcher in the Rye. It centers on Holden's search for something real in a world he thinks is full of phonies. He moves from hotels to bars to old friends apartments, hoping someone will make him feel grounded. Every stop becoming its own scene about loneliness, memory, and wanting to connect. Ooh.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, where are points at?

[Ian Edwards]

Come on, man, don't do this to me.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Come on.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He loves it.

[Ian Edwards]

I know, because his points Are the highest.

[Big J Okerson]

So he's like, no, right now I'm pitching a perfect game, and you're pitching a perfect game, Alex.

[Ian Edwards]

True, true, true, true.

[Alex (Producer)]

In last place with zero.

[Ian Edwards]

You son of a. Ian Edwards. So I'm gonna make a crazy comeback. Watch.

[Nina Karufa]

You have to kill yourself after this.

[Alex (Producer)]

Tied for third place with three points each, Nina Karufa and Josh Adam Myers.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I'm coming back, baby.

[Alex (Producer)]

In second place with four points, Big J. Okerson. And in the lead with a perfect score of 8 points, Luis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

If I believe, and you believe, and we all believe, I can score a perfect game on Story wars tonight.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Has anybody ever done this before?

[Big J Okerson]

Nobody's ever done a perfect game, though.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Damn.

[Big J Okerson]

We're only three questions in. Let's. Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Pump our brakes, Alex.

[Big J Okerson]

Story number four.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number four. An ex accused me of cheating and threw a thick glass ashtray at my head even though we had already broken up.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Now, this says, okay, Lewis, but, Lewis, this is one of those ones. Lewis sometimes just tell you one that's just on the nose, obviously, Lewis. So you think it's not him, but this could be him.

[Big J Okerson]

I will make a counterpoint that this could also be Big J Okerson, who is a known cheater, has a giant head, very hittable. And. And smokes cigarettes. So there's ashtrays in the apartment. True.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Louis. Louis J. Gomez, also a former smoker, also crazy cheater. I mean, over the top level, like, next room, while the other one's there. Like, diabolical. And the way he handles it, with reckless abandon and disregard for anyone else's feelings. And he also used to smoke, so. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Can I also say, Ian seems very happy right now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Cheating piece of scummy disregard for anyone's feelings.

[Big J Okerson]

But, oh, no, I see what you get. That's how you know God's a man. God's like, shut up, dude.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Shut up, bro.

[Big J Okerson]

Ian, you're a big cheater.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I believe him.

[Big J Okerson]

I do believe him. I do believe him.

[Ian Edwards]

You ever cheated?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Ian Edwards]

Oh, yeah. What about Jay? You cheated.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Sometimes we cheat with each other.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If we haven't cheated in a while. I missed the action.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Feel so wrong.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I go, God, we shouldn't be doing this.

[Big J Okerson]

It's how we came. It's how we came up with Story Wars. We were inside of each other, and it was a magical moment.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Forehead to forehead. This is the show.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, your legs were up.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah. We were tilting.

[Big J Okerson]

That's right. I was inside of him.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, no, no, weirdly, I was also inside of you. We were doing like a weird, like, dick cross around each dick.

[Big J Okerson]

Caligula.

[Ian Edwards]

I also think feel like Josh is cheated, too.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Truth from the day he was born. Born to cheat.

[Alex (Producer)]

Scum.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I will say this, and I know no one's gonna believe me. I've never cheated on a girl before. I swear to God. I swear on everything holy. I swear on everything holy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Josh makes a Virgin Mary statue.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I believe that. I believe. Virgin Mary for sure.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

A cross and a necklace between a fat girl's tits. Sure.

[Big J Okerson]

Fat?

[Josh Adam Myers]

How fat?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So fat.

[Josh Adam Myers]

So fat.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

A priest wiener.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I'm so in.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

A priest. The holiest of holies. A priest wiener.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Do I get to watch Spotlight the movie afterwards? Yes, I'm in.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Nice.

[Josh Adam Myers]

No, I've never cheated. I swear to God. I mean that you say whatever you wanted.

[Nina Karufa]

I'm a sweet pumpkin angel.

[Ian Edwards]

Yeah. That means yes. That means no. No.

[Nina Karufa]

Depends.

[Ian Edwards]

Yeah, there you go.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

A Muslim guy might throw a thick glass ashtray.

[Josh Adam Myers]

But they can't smoke. They can't smoke.

[Big J Okerson]

That's the thing.

[Josh Adam Myers]

It can't be heard because he found.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Out that she was smoking and he tried to beat her to death with an asterisk.

[Josh Adam Myers]

That's true.

[Nina Karufa]

Listen, granted, I'm on the stage with a bunch of men. It could be any one of you pieces of shit.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're not wrong.

[Nina Karufa]

I don't know. Jay doesn't give me the vibe that he'll hang out with somebody who's toxic. You just.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Oh, my God.

[Big J Okerson]

What the.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Where have you been?

[Big J Okerson]

Out of your mind.

[Alex (Producer)]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

He just seems like I'm one of his best friends.

[Ian Edwards]

You need. You need your glasses.

[Nina Karufa]

He's the good cop.

[Ian Edwards]

You need your glasses changed.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Yeah, dude.

[Alex (Producer)]

I don't know.

[Ian Edwards]

It could be even crazy. That's the craziest thing I've ever heard all year. It's the end of the year. That's crazy.

[Nina Karufa]

There's good cop, bad cop.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I think in Muslim countries, if you get caught cheating, they are legally allowed to murder you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What Muslim countries are all bad cops.

[Ian Edwards]

And he was trying to stone her with an ashtray.

[Big J Okerson]

That is true.

[Nina Karufa]

I don't know. And also, the girl has to be slightly obsessed to react that way. And none of you guys are men worthy of being obsessed over.

[Ian Edwards]

So you're saying it's you. So you're saying it's you?

[Nina Karufa]

No, I just feel like Nina is.

[Big J Okerson]

Negging me, making me hard.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It could be Lewis.

[Nina Karufa]

I think it's Louis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This happened to Lewis. For sure.

[Big J Okerson]

I've been accused of cheating, and I have had girls throw things at me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You know what?

[Big J Okerson]

Never an ashtray, Jay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Saying may, I'm taking this on the pure thing that maybe will up your perfect game.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm gonna tell you right now, guys, I go with me, because I'm shooting a perfect game right now. I'm saying big J, like lots of Lewis's. I'm pulling so far ahead. I mean, we. You said put an extra U in the name. Okay, he's getting close to this.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Josh. Josh. Josh. It's Josh.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Dude, I.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's our friend. That's where our friendship is.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I.

[Josh Adam Myers]

You've already. Dude, one ex threw a law book at you, so I could assume that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Another one threw an asterisk. Nope.

[Big J Okerson]

She. Wait, she literally threw the book at you? Yeah. She's a lawyer.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She was in law school, but, yeah, she almost killed me with it.

[Big J Okerson]

That's hilarious. Alex. All of her answers are in Story number four.

[Alex (Producer)]

Belongs to.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Apologize to me, Ian Edwards.

[Ian Edwards]

Is that.

[Big J Okerson]

Is that Lewis with the Jamaican accent?

[Josh Adam Myers]

Why you going through the ashtray at me, girl? What ya doing? Throw up on my classroom?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Why is she angry? Lewis find out with this same girl twice.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Turn the lights down low.

[Big J Okerson]

You caught me. Louis, you're insatiable. Constantly cheating on your woman.

[Alex (Producer)]

Lo.

[Josh Adam Myers]

You know, my niece made me that ashray earlier in elementary school.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, Ian, you lied. You have cheated, obviously.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Big J Okerson]

She accused you. She accused you.

[Ian Edwards]

Accused me of cheating.

[Big J Okerson]

She wasn't.

[Ian Edwards]

And she threw the ashtray partly because she's Jamaican, so the accent is right.

[Big J Okerson]

Was it. Was it. Well, was it a regular tray, but when it hit your elbow, it became ash?

[Ian Edwards]

That was like that.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a real question. It's an absolute.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's a fair question. It's a fair question. No, it's a fair question.

[Ian Edwards]

Sore loser. Louis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My perfect game.

[Ian Edwards]

Perfect game.

[Big J Okerson]

She accused you. She threw it at your head.

[Ian Edwards]

You know what happened? Like, we'd broken up, right? But after we'd broken up, I had. I was booked in Edinburgh to do the. What they call it the Fringe Festival.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Ian Edwards]

So I was gonna be out there for a month, so she said, I'll come out there for the last week of the month. So while I was out there for the first three weeks, there was this girl that Here.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You crushing Scottish.

[Ian Edwards]

And she was the only black girl in town. And then she also hung out with the rest of the black comics. There was, like, four of us at the festival, so that when my ex Came for that last week. She's like, you like that, don't you? And she was interrogating me and. And I was like, no, we didn't do nothing. And she just went. She threw the ashtray. Just went quiet.

[Nina Karufa]

But did you like that?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Nina Karufa]

Obviously it wasn't an accusation.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You can't. Yeah, you can't attack a guy for.

[Big J Okerson]

Liking a. I'm rooting for E. All right, Alex, four stories down, where are our points at at halftime?

[Ian Edwards]

Yeah, say it loud.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, if you wouldn't mind. Put some respect on if you wouldn't mind.

[Alex (Producer)]

Tied for four, fourth place with three points each, Nina Karufa and Josh Adam Myers.

[Nina Karufa]

I don't like this game anymore. Fuck this game.

[Big J Okerson]

The edible just kicked in three points each. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Three points each. Whoa.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, guys, this computer screen always has have arms.

[Alex (Producer)]

Tied for second place with four points each. Big J Okerson and Ian Edwards.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Big comeback, baby.

[Ian Edwards]

Thank you. Thank you all.

[Alex (Producer)]

And in the lead with eight points, Luis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, nobody's rooting for me at all anymore, buddy. It was a perfect game. I did have everyone on my side.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Now there's, like, Lewis again.

[Big J Okerson]

It was dark. It was like a brooding sound.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, we were at halftime.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Let's do some plugs real quick. Josh, what do you plug? This comes out in two to three weeks, I would say.

[Josh Adam Myers]

All right, well, 2026, I've got the beginning of the year. I've got Rumors Calgary, and I'm doing Mohegan Sun. Listen to my podcast to 500, where I'm going through Rolling Stone magazine's list of the 500 Greatest Albums. Also, happy birthday, Ozzy Osbourne. I know this comes out in two weeks, but. Yeah, Josh. Adam Myers on all social media.

[Big J Okerson]

Josh, I hate to be the one to tell you this.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He doesn't care.

[Big J Okerson]

Ozzy died.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I know. And in five days is the anniversary of John Lennon's death too.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So. He was done. He was done making music.

[Nina Karufa]

I'll be at the stand on Friday and my show on TLC is re airing actually right now. So watch. It's called Match Me Abroad. It's on every Sunday night, and I'll be fighting again come January or February. So keep.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hell yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm excited to watch you fight. Nina's a legit boxer. You're terrifying.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Where can we do. Always do in New York.

[Nina Karufa]

Yeah, I'll usually fight in New York.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'd fucking love to watch that. Yeah, that'd be awesome as hell. Hell, yeah.

[Nina Karufa]

Thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

Ian. Edwards.

[Ian Edwards]

Yeah, check out my Special Untitled on YouTube streaming right now. Just do that.

[Big J Okerson]

Hell yeah.

[Ian Edwards]

Follow me on Instagram at Ian Edwardscomic and that's it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Fuck yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

So funny.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Big j okerson bigj comedy.com. listen to the bonfire with me and Bobby Kelly on SiriusXM Faction Talk 103 and of course Legion of Skanks right here on Gas Digital.

[Big J Okerson]

Hell yeah. Guys, go see me on the road. Check me out live. Go to LewisOfSkanks.com to check me a brand new tour, 2026 going all over the place. New Year's Eve, me and Zach Amico are doing a stand up show and then a live real last podcast countdown to New Year's Eve in Columbus, Ohio. How exciting is that? That's right. Sorry dude. Then that weekend we're in Columbus, Miamisburg, Batavia, Illinois and more go to loseofskangs.com check out all the other pods that I do. Legion of Skanks the regs. Now the Real ass podcast. Returning to Mondays to the Gas Digital Network. Very exciting. And make sure you guys pre order my book Knives and Spoons right now on Amazon. It comes out in March. Get me on the New York Times bestseller list, guys. That'll be hilarious. Come on, do it. And if you love the show, go to Gas Digital. You get the uncensored and ad free version of the show. At gas digital.com we also have an on demand library with like 40 or 50 episodes that are not available anywhere else. Gas digital.com use the promo code WAR. You save a couple bucks a month and it goes to the show directly. You support the show directly. Okay, halftime. Jay, maybe explain how things have been are going to be mixed up now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, Ian, you're out of the weeds at this point so it doesn't really matter anymore. And this game looks like Lewis has pulled away as he is double what everybody else has at the highest.

[Big J Okerson]

His double. What'd you say?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He has double what? Okay, the next highest scores are.

[Big J Okerson]

What's the point that you're making?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The point is that for the final four stories and Ian, Nina, this is your first time here. The great news is everyone's still involved in this game because for the last four stories we go double points. Yeah, it's pretty simple concept. Before if you guessed the right story you got two points. If you fooled somebody you got one point. Now that moves on to double points.

[Big J Okerson]

It makes them so happy.

[Ian Edwards]

Don't you lose points for that?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

People love it. The people love it. The people have spoken. The people love It. So, Alex, bring it on. Story number five.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number five. I once picked up an old used grenade off the floor a few hours before trying to board a flight. When TSA did the hand wipe thing, I got arrested.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm gonna.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I'm gonna give my answer in song.

[Nina Karufa]

First of all, that's Indian. I'm an.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I give a. I don't give a.

[Nina Karufa]

Very different. That was racist as.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Nina Karufa]

If you're gonna be racist, be correct.

[Ian Edwards]

Why did you assume he was singing about you?

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh.

[Nina Karufa]

Because. Because, dumbass, white people think Indian and Arabs are the same thing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yep. I know. Dumb white person.

[Big J Okerson]

Indians and Arabs.

[Nina Karufa]

It was definitely.

[Josh Adam Myers]

There's no way.

[Alex (Producer)]

Absolutely.

[Ian Edwards]

That's a wild story.

[Big J Okerson]

Picking up an old used grenade off the floor.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That only happens where you're from. That doesn't happen in Maryland. Yeah, I don't know where the.

[Nina Karufa]

I mean, it could. It could happen anywhere. Dude, it could really happen anywhere.

[Josh Adam Myers]

You know, it could happen anywhere. Qatar, Bahrain, Riyadh, anywhere. Any of the sand countries.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's gonna be Lewis's. Lewis is quote unquote, best friend's. Dad let him hold a grenade also.

[Nina Karufa]

Exactly.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, you want to try a grenade also? Son, you know how mad I got.

[Josh Adam Myers]

When you picked up that gun.

[Nina Karufa]

Now you bring the grenade?

[Ian Edwards]

Louis, why did you bring the grenade to the airport?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I mean, guys, look, please, vote for me all you want. That's crazy. I mean, what are we doing here? Are we just playing? We all know it's Nina. There's no other answer here.

[Nina Karufa]

There is so many other answers.

[Big J Okerson]

There's no other path to this.

[Nina Karufa]

There's many other paths to this. 1, 2, 3, 4 other paths.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

First of all, they were looking for a reason to arrest you off that flight. And I don't agree with those reasons, but they were looking for something.

[Big J Okerson]

Who the fuck has an old used grenade lying around on the floor?

[Nina Karufa]

New York City.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Josh Adam Myers]

What?

[Nina Karufa]

The subway.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Barrow. The Bronx used me.

[Nina Karufa]

She knows. I said the Bronx.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You said a used grenade. It's already been detonated. Doesn't even make any sense. Isn't that just parts?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Is it a truck that in the crowd?

[Nina Karufa]

Nina, you don't come for me. I don't like being ganged up on.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You know what?

[Nina Karufa]

I'm triggered.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, damn. That's my fantasy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Nice, dude. Yeah. Muslim girl gets gang banged. That's my.

[Nina Karufa]

That was such low hanging fruit, Jay. Disappointed.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Mia Khalifa. Yo. Mia Khalifa's career.

[Nina Karufa]

Shay. I just wanted more out of you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I always pay homage to Mia Khalifa's two porn scene career. Mia Khalifa. This. I think it's Nina for the real reason. The term used grenade. That's wrong. There's no such thing. Yeah, a used grenade is fucking dust.

[Ian Edwards]

That's why I think it's Josh.

[Big J Okerson]

Josh.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Josh does not know what used grenades are. It's right, Josh.

[Big J Okerson]

By the way, Josh does probably have a few belt buckles that are used grenades.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I meant to say decommissioned. It's a decommissioned grenade is what I meant to say. And you did live near D.C. the Pentagon has all kinds of decommissioned grenades.

[Ian Edwards]

First of all, Nina's on the no fly list.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Yes.

[Nina Karufa]

So I just flew back from Skank Fest.

[Alex (Producer)]

I got a fly.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm.

[Nina Karufa]

That was in 2019.

[Big J Okerson]

I got.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Nina's really on the ropes.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I know.

[Big J Okerson]

So.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You racist. My is intact.

[Big J Okerson]

You.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's Indian. Have you heard about my poor Nina? Stop attacking her.

[Big J Okerson]

I got.

[Nina Karufa]

I have a bomb J. Oh, hey.

[Alex (Producer)]

You like. You know what?

[Nina Karufa]

I think it was you now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I just defended you for 20.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Jesus.

[Ian Edwards]

You call that defender?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I think it's you.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, no.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay. What about Fat Chay?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, no.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Huh?

[Ian Edwards]

Why couldn't it be?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, low hanging fruit. Remember we were talking about low hanging fruit?

[Nina Karufa]

That's what you get.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Fat chase the lowest hanging fruit.

[Ian Edwards]

Nice.

[Big J Okerson]

You're a terrorist.

[Alex (Producer)]

Jesus.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nina Karufa]

I challenge Josh to a duel after this show. I. I am going to you up.

[Josh Adam Myers]

You. I. Please grab my number two. Grab my number two.

[Ian Edwards]

He stabs women.

[Nina Karufa]

Yo, let me go get my gun. Why is the only nice one to me today?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It could be.

[Josh Adam Myers]

It could be. It could be. As I'm writing this, it could be Ian as well, because we've all just been thr. Thrown off the set. But it also could be you, so shut the fuck up. Don't look at me like that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right.

[Big J Okerson]

Ian, while Big J's finishing his.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I wrote it. I got it. I'm going with hairy lower back. Nina with the hair that goes from her belly button to her knees.

[Nina Karufa]

First of all, first of all, first of all. Now shut the fuck up, everybody.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Johannes with the hula hula.

[Nina Karufa]

I body laser hair removal.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That must have cost millions.

[Josh Adam Myers]

How many treatments? Oh, my God.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Where'd you find the time for 55 sessions?

[Nina Karufa]

It was 10 sessions.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What kind of laser was it? A lightsaber?

[Nina Karufa]

No, it was a regular laser.

[Big J Okerson]

It was a laser awesome powers.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was. It was. It was a death star laser where five lasers come together and then shoot out.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm sorry. This is funny. Like Independence Day where the laser Comes down and blows up. It blows up the White House and.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Also takes off our hair. Either this alien technology that's necessary.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Either this will remove all your back hair or turn you into Dr. Manhattan.

[Nina Karufa]

Any lower back hair care?

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, all right. This is great. All of our answers are in full bush. Nina being angry is turning me on for some reason. Alex, what is the answer?

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number five belongs to Nina Karupa.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, you son of a bitch.

[Big J Okerson]

He was you the whole time.

[Ian Edwards]

You the whole time.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She fought hard.

[Big J Okerson]

Hard.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She fought hard.

[Nina Karufa]

I'm in last place.

[Ian Edwards]

All the stereotypes are true. This is good.

[Nina Karufa]

I'm in last place.

[Ian Edwards]

All the stereotype, the laser she played.

[Josh Adam Myers]

The game she played.

[Big J Okerson]

She's like, I was lying. I am hairy as.

[Nina Karufa]

No, that wasn't a lie.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm lost.

[Ian Edwards]

Song is.

[Big J Okerson]

That is crazy. So you got arrested? Arrested?

[Nina Karufa]

Yeah, I got arrested in Tel Aviv.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God.

[Nina Karufa]

I wasn't. I wasn't. I was in the west bank hanging out, and I was flying back to America that night, and I went to throw rocks because it's a rite of passage, and there was, like, all over the floor, and I picked something up, and it was a grenade, but it was obviously, like, old, so I just tossed it. And you know when you go to the airport, they swipe your hand sometimes. Like, 10 soldiers came in. They're like, you have explosive residue on you. Come with us. And I was like, I can explain.

[Big J Okerson]

She's like, my pussy is bombed.

[Nina Karufa]

And I got arrested.

[Big J Okerson]

It was awful.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I went to the bathroom and things happen, and my pussy's bombed. Yeah, get the dogs over here.

[Nina Karufa]

It was pretty bad.

[Big J Okerson]

Get the dogs over here. Oh, this is a great episode. Are you guys having a good time? Have a great episode so far.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Good story.

[Big J Okerson]

Five stories.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

How long. How long were you arrested for? How long did they keep you?

[Nina Karufa]

Like, a day and a half? No, I missed my flight was the whole thing. My mom thought I died. She was crying. You care about me things.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What's Tel Aviv jail like?

[Nina Karufa]

Well, they put me in immigration jail, so they kind of just like, deported me back to America.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Just like. Just sad people. Wait, just the last time I was.

[Nina Karufa]

On a no fly list, but I have a. I knew I was right.

[Ian Edwards]

I knew I was right. But you, you're such a good liar. You probably did ch.

[Big J Okerson]

Cheat.

[Ian Edwards]

Because you. You're selling this right here. This is crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

I've never seen somebody be so, like, offended that we would say, it's her so hard. Yeah, she was so, like. She was like, are you guys crazy?

[Ian Edwards]

I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna kill you.

[Nina Karufa]

It's called gaslighting.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Ian Edwards]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That was awesome.

[Ian Edwards]

You're good at it.

[Josh Adam Myers]

She's good at it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She went full bad, baby. Y', all. You. You don't know me. I'll take your man. I don't give a.

[Nina Karufa]

Does he have money, though?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Does this mean.

[Ian Edwards]

Does this mean her ain't bombed?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Don't you dare. She's a guestian. Her pussy's mad bomb.

[Nina Karufa]

Thank you. Why is everyone against me?

[Ian Edwards]

Because you're a liar.

[Big J Okerson]

You're a fucking goddamn liar. You can't be trusted.

[Nina Karufa]

That's so mean.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Because you are not to be trusted.

[Ian Edwards]

Trusted.

[Nina Karufa]

I'm gonna complain.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You could shut this place down, probably with a letter. Yeah, I'm sure.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, where our points at?

[Alex (Producer)]

In last place with four points.

[Ian Edwards]

Come on, Alex.

[Alex (Producer)]

Ian Edwards. In fourth place with five points, Nina Karufa. In third place with seven points, Josh Adam Myers Jam. In second place with eight points, Big J Okerson. And in lead with 12 points, Luis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

I am the greatest story warrior of all time. No one will ever come for my title.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, story warriors, let's take a second and thank one of our amazing sponsors. And that is aura Frames. Boy, do I love the R digital picture. Great gift to gift one. It comes in an amazing box and if you don't know what it is, it's a. It's a digital frame that you can you get if you're gonna send it as a gift. You can upload personal photos to it, a greeting message, all kinds and just send it off. The gift box itself doesn't.

[Big J Okerson]

You can keep on uploading photos after. So let's say you give it to your. Whoever it is in your life. I. They would be marketed toward like moms and grandmas. But it's great for anybody. Nobody's printing out photos from their phone. This is great for anybody. You have it right in your house. I have an aura frame in my house right now, my living room. I have 20 different photos that it just scrolls through.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And here's what no one. And here's what no one considers. Also, if I got Lewis's aura frames thing, I could send to him, I believe, just pictures of my own asshole and. And my dick. If I want, I think, right. I could just send it to you and it would just.

[Big J Okerson]

I would hope so.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It would come up in your aura frame.

[Big J Okerson]

I would cut you. I would be coming. I know that much.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So, yeah, all this stuff with the family. Blibbity blop. Mom and dad don't have to figure it out. It's very easy to set up. My mom has one. All you have to do is plug it in. It's very simple. And for a limited time, you could save on that gift by visiting our frames.com to get 35 off their best selling carver mat frame which was named number one by wire cutter.

[Ian Edwards]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

By using the promo code wars at checkout. That's W A R z. That's Aura. Auraframes.com promo code wars with a Z. This deal is exclusive to Story wars fans and our frames sell out very fast. Order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning story wars at checkout. Terms and conditions do apply. Rframes.com all right, story warriors, I know.

[Big J Okerson]

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[Lewis J. Gomez]

I've been taking baths in it, seeing if I can get it through my pores. I'll tell you what, dude, I'm raging hard. There's a strong chance I kill Christine with my bare hands soon.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, look, if you want to be like Big J and maybe kill your girlfriend because you can't control yourself.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't control myself. I mean, I'm like Latimer in the program, man. I am like, she better do what I say or else I'm feeling that kind of teed up.

[Big J Okerson]

Go to bodybraincoffee.com. use the promo code War20. War20. War20 to save 20% off today on this holiday season. Get that man in your life. Some body brain, coffee. Get up a couple bags for Christmas. This is a great deal. 20% off for this holiday season. Courtesy Story Wars.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Here, boy, drink this. Write that on the card.

[Big J Okerson]

Ward 20 is the promo code for 20% [e-mail]. all right, where were we? Alex, story number six.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number six. I dramatically started to carve a tattoo on my hand with a knife when I was 17. The first cut hurt too much, so I quit.

[Josh Adam Myers]

That's one of y'.

[Big J Okerson]

All.

[Josh Adam Myers]

That's one of y'.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All.

[Commercial Announcer]

It's.

[Josh Adam Myers]

It's one of y'.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, it's obvious. It's obvious. Obviously. Me, Josh or Jay. What do you mean?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Chicks love self mutilation. It's definitely not Ian.

[Nina Karufa]

I feel like I'm not a pussy. I wouldn't quit.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You keep going. Yeah, it's fine.

[Nina Karufa]

Come on. Which faggot quit halfway through? That's disgusting. Have some dignity.

[Big J Okerson]

Nina.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She's like, kill a gay Nina.

[Big J Okerson]

Nina.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What's happening here?

[Big J Okerson]

They loved it. I mean, look, when I was in high school, I did. I did try to carve.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I feel like you said, I.

[Big J Okerson]

Feel like I tried to carve nine inch nails. The words nine inch nails.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Why not just nin?

[Big J Okerson]

Well, that's what I did is I quit after the nin and it became just ni. I was like, no, because I got to the. I got to the first N and I was like, this is fucking insane. I was like, what am I. How am I going to get through nine inch nails? And I was like, all right. I just got to get the I and the backwards N. And I got it. And yeah, so I had. I had NIN carved in my forearm in the 10th grade.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Not anymore. It doesn't show at all.

[Big J Okerson]

That doesn't show. I was very. It's not on my hand.

[Ian Edwards]

Are you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Are you.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He says, on your arm.

[Big J Okerson]

She's like, let me see your finger.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But did you do this? But did you do. Did you do this more than once?

[Big J Okerson]

No, no. This. This skull right here is actually for me. I used to project, practice magic.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sure you did, Buddha.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I mean, it's. This.

[Big J Okerson]

This feels like a. Well, let me finish that. I'm telling.

[Josh Adam Myers]

There's more.

[Big J Okerson]

I did m. I did magic. And I had a cat. And I didn't. I had no trick prepared all.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I had.

[Big J Okerson]

No. I had no. I said a box. I had a cordw box of my cat. And then I Put my cat in the box. And then I took all my mom's, like, kitchen knives, and I started putting them through the box. There was no trick to it. I had my hand over. I was like, I'll protect her. To figure out the path of the knife. And the knife sliced through my finger, and it was like a huge gash, like. And I couldn't tell my mom that I was doing knife magic with the cat, so I just, like, literally hid it from her until it eventually closed up. The cat died.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

From its wounds. From the magic.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Him. From me. And stabbing it with a knife.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't know if I think it's Lewis anymore, but I want to write Lewis's name different. Like, you.

[Nina Karufa]

Let me see your hand, Ian. You got in your pocket all covered up. Am I suppos being suspicious?

[Ian Edwards]

Am I supposed to show him my hand?

[Nina Karufa]

It's one of these two.

[Big J Okerson]

Whatever you want. You can do whatever you want.

[Ian Edwards]

Technically, yes. I'll just hold the mystery. Show you my hands.

[Big J Okerson]

Josh got a lot of tattoos.

[Ian Edwards]

Turn your hands.

[Big J Okerson]

Mutilation. You were a little. You're a little emo boy.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I was not an emo boy. No, I was not.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Who would do a carving on their palm tattoo?

[Big J Okerson]

This is palm.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, but that's what he said.

[Big J Okerson]

Look at.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He said, let me see your palm. I never even assumed.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, maybe. See, maybe Ian's giving us some insight here. Maybe he knows that it's a palm. Maybe it was some sort of Jamaican voodoo, like. He cut his hand real hard, squeeze it over a fire with some beach.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, my God. Blood of palm, eye of newt. I've seen this potion before.

[Ian Edwards]

Living Lewis. Lewis is really good at turning off himself.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I don't.

[Ian Edwards]

That's what I'm noticing in this game, right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I want to think it's you enough that I can write your name. Funny.

[Big J Okerson]

I think it could be Big J. Have you in a story yet?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No. Oh.

[Big J Okerson]

He is not. Huh?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

Interesting.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Have you?

[Ian Edwards]

Very interesting.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you did. Yeah, you did. Nina just took Ian off the board and now she's thinking something else.

[Nina Karufa]

Maybe Lewis made a good point. I don't know.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, it doesn't really matter.

[Josh Adam Myers]

It doesn't matter.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's random. So I would say three people in a row.

[Big J Okerson]

It was my story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I would say that everybody put me.

[Josh Adam Myers]

No, he didn't.

[Nina Karufa]

It's one of these two.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Now Ian's involved. I knew it was definitely a white.

[Big J Okerson]

Thing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Until he told me to look at my palms.

[Big J Okerson]

Big J, Me and him were cut from the Same cloth.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, God. It.

[Ian Edwards]

If. If we. Kj, that is true.

[Big J Okerson]

He's not going to waste another vote on Nina right now. He wants to so bad.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So bad. I don't think it's her, but I want you so bad.

[Big J Okerson]

The things you could write about.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I know. I. I need the points, but I want to just.

[Big J Okerson]

You have to just relax up there.

[Ian Edwards]

How old are you when you got.

[Alex (Producer)]

I heard that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

40 when I got my first tattoo. Yeah. 15.

[Ian Edwards]

15.

[Big J Okerson]

You were 15? Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Ian Edwards]

Is that a lie?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

Carving a tattoo on your hand is weird, though. How do you carve a tattoo?

[Ian Edwards]

How old are you? And you guys prefer a Tattoo?

[Big J Okerson]

I was 18.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What a dumb question is that?

[Big J Okerson]

What do you mean, what do.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What is it?

[Big J Okerson]

With a knife. What do you carve a tattoo? That's what I'm saying.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It says with a knife.

[Big J Okerson]

Correct me if I'm wrong. You don't tattoo guy who's tattooed all over your face. Do you tattoo yourself with a knife? No. That's crazy.

[Ian Edwards]

But he did. Yeah, for sure.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I guess when in prison, do they, like, rub, like, ash or, like, ink into it? Is that what happens with a knife?

[Ian Edwards]

I know what you're looking at me for.

[Big J Okerson]

I know my. My mom did, like, stick and poke tattoos with ash when she was in jail.

[Ian Edwards]

And how old were you when you got your first tattoo, Josh?

[Josh Adam Myers]

I was 18. No, I, I. Dude, I'm not carbon.

[Ian Edwards]

I think it's you, E. You sound guilty as fan.

[Big J Okerson]

Big J is the correct. Am I right, folks? Am I right?

[Josh Adam Myers]

We all know it.

[Big J Okerson]

Look, they all know it. They all know.

[Ian Edwards]

Should have done.

[Nina Karufa]

If I end up last place, I'm killing myself.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I want to do Ian, man.

[Big J Okerson]

The audience is becoming unruly right now. Everyone. This is a lot of. A lot of people talking right now. There's arguments going on in the crowd. This is pretty wild. This Puerto Rican guy with the face tattoos is so terrifying that we've completely ignored the group of Latinos right here that we would normally have our eyes on. Big J made these guys look like normal old white guys.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Why is Josh voting so late?

[Big J Okerson]

Josh has changed his answer. Josh has changed his answer four times. Could be Josh. Honestly.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm also going with Lewis, who is sitting three seats away by. Is that a henna tattoo or a herpes outbreak? Nina. Me and her are gonna French kiss before the night's over. The tension is thick as that ashtray.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God. Imagine kissing Nina's beautiful lips. Jesus Christ.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, my God.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my Jesus.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's Over Jewish J and Muslim Nina. It would end the Gaza war.

[Nina Karufa]

Never Nina.

[Big J Okerson]

Have you been to Jamaica? She's the one. Nina might be the one. All of her answers are in Alex.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number six belongs to Big J. O.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Gay J, O.

[Nina Karufa]

Finally I redeemed myself.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

See it right there.

[Big J Okerson]

How? What was the idea? Was it just supposed to be scarring or was it an actual tattoo?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think I. I don't know what I was. I don't know what the. I was gonna write my name or a chick's name, whatever it was. I was bumming about a chick and I was like whatever. And I got a pocket knife and I started doing like the. I'm just gonna do.

[Big J Okerson]

You don't remember if you were writing your name or a chick's name, but.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Cuz I got one line. It doesn't matter. Whatever I was gonna do, I got a line. And then blood started to leak out. I went O and I knew. Sporned it immediately.

[Josh Adam Myers]

This is hurting.

[Alex (Producer)]

What?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm not that sad.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not about that life.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Damn it.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex. Six stories down, where are points at?

[Alex (Producer)]

In Last place with 4 points, this is Ian Edwards.

[Ian Edwards]

Wow. This is. The disrespect.

[Alex (Producer)]

In fourth place with seven points, Josh Adam Myers. In third place with nine points, Nina Karufa.

[Nina Karufa]

These bitches, I love them.

[Alex (Producer)]

In second place with 12 points, Big J Okerson. And in the lead with 16 points, Louis J. Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We're all right there, we're all right there. Everybody, we're going down, we're getting. We're in the fucking. The championship rounds here.

[Big J Okerson]

Two more stories.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex. Story number seven.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number seven. In high school, I was held at gunpoint by a group of thugs for a bag of weed.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's Josh or Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

Here's what we've learned from Nina tonight. Josh is a racist piece of shit. Thug is just. Thug is just the N word for people of Josh's whiteness.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

A group of thugs is saying a lot to me.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a very.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Group of thugs.

[Big J Okerson]

That is the N word in white communities. Just so you guys know. So they're masking the N word and.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You mean black people. Now this lady's wearing a thug shirt, but it's Blanche from the Golden Girls. So that's ironic. That's what Hispanic people think thugs are. You were robbed by an old lady.

[Big J Okerson]

To be fair, I did call Blanche the N word the entire time the show was on the air.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It is true. I did call her that. I called her a dick N word. Cause she just loved Cock.

[Big J Okerson]

She loved it.

[Ian Edwards]

I feel like this is Louis, dude. You guys are the Lewis. And then he. Yeah, he went to his best friend's father next door and let him show him how to use his gun.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Lewis also. It's a good throw off. The thugs thing is a good thing, but Lewis plays the game very, very well. And this does seem like a Lewis up getting robbed for weed situation.

[Big J Okerson]

Never, never been robbed for weed. I think you would know that about me, Jay. You're my friend. We've been podcasting for years. I feel like you would have heard hurt. We've. The amount of times that we told stories about being robbed.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I hate your stories. Every time it starts, I'm like, ah, yeah, y.

[Big J Okerson]

It's like that sound when, like, there's a. Like a big, Like a bomb explosion. It's just the ringing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I just see you going, Then it.

[Big J Okerson]

Comes in right at the end.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's what I said to him. I'll suck your dick. You dared me to suck your dick. I dare you to suck my dick.

[Ian Edwards]

I dare you to suck my dick while I'm sucking your dick.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I dare everybody to suck everybody's dick. It's Josh or Lewis.

[Josh Adam Myers]

You know, I don't like pot that much. You guys are the two biggest potheads.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is in high school.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I've never liked it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You were a drug addict.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but, like.

[Josh Adam Myers]

But opiates. I was already on opiates in high school.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you smoke weed in high school, Josh?

[Josh Adam Myers]

Not a lot. No, I didn't.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Mrs. Lewis, I just want you to know I'm gonna cry when I drive home. If I vote for you and it's Louis, I'm gonna be. I'm gonna frustration cry in the car.

[Nina Karufa]

I just feel like a real man wouldn't get robbed. He'd fight back.

[Big J Okerson]

That's true.

[Nina Karufa]

So it could be any one of.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You guys in high school.

[Alex (Producer)]

Fight.

[Nina Karufa]

You're a man. High school. You're like, 18.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's gunpoint.

[Alex (Producer)]

Fight.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Well, she grew up. Oh, my God, be a man.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, we don't all come from Fallujah. Some of us just had neighbors and shit, not army men kicking our doors in and taking our family members away. Every day is a new nightmare.

[Nina Karufa]

You just gotta toughen up.

[Alex (Producer)]

I don't know.

[Nina Karufa]

It could be either Josh or Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

Not all of us have double belts of giant bullets across our chest.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm going. Josh the weed head. Josh little pothead Josh Adam Myers in high school.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, Josh said me. So then, yeah, boom.

[Big J Okerson]

Ian Edwards still Will not spell my name right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, no. He's getting closer, though.

[Big J Okerson]

No, us.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I like it. All the answers are in Alex.

[Big J Okerson]

Hold on. Weren't they supposed to drop checks after the show? That's what we were told last time.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, dude, that's not how it works here at NYCC Dog.

[Big J Okerson]

No, they told us they would drop checks after the show. Lots of things. Remember they said they wouldn't steal our books?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Books.

[Big J Okerson]

No, they're gonna still drop the checks. They don't care about us.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nina Karufa]

Lewis is gonna send the strongly worded email tonight.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Strongly worded? I was held up at gunpoint by a group of thugs for weed. You think fucking New York comedy club scares me.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex? All of our answers are in.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number seven belongs to Josh Adam Myers.

[Big J Okerson]

But that's not how I wrote it. You fucking.

[Josh Adam Myers]

That's not how I wrote the story, though. So that's why I didn't think it was me.

[Big J Okerson]

For real? You actually didn't.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

How about multiple people didn't think it was you?

[Josh Adam Myers]

No, I swear I didn't write it like that.

[Big J Okerson]

How did you write the story? What exactly did you write to her?

[Alex (Producer)]

Here, I got it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Josh, what was it?

[Josh Adam Myers]

I did. I definitely said thugs, though.

[Big J Okerson]

Remember? You used the N word.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I did.

[Nina Karufa]

He said I dropped 7n words.

[Ian Edwards]

Yeah, you. You were right.

[Alex (Producer)]

When I was in high school, a friend and I were smoking weed when a group of thugs smelt it and pulled a gun on me to take the bag from me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, that's a.

[Big J Okerson]

More Same story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Not really. You think her putting. Smelt it?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, she just. She just didn't write it. Like a junkie?

[Josh Adam Myers]

Yeah, no, we were. We were outside my friend's apartment, his mom's apartment, and like, these, like, five guys, like, walked by and like, were like, yo, what y' all hitting over there? We're like, weed. And just like. Because we're like. We were ninth grade. We were in ninth grade so much.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Our parents pay for it.

[Ian Edwards]

They were white guys.

[Josh Adam Myers]

There were.

[Commercial Announcer]

There were.

[Josh Adam Myers]

There was a collection of different races.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What. What was it, an 80s movie?

[Big J Okerson]

Good job.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Thank you very much. It was primarily Muslim. No, I'm kidding.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They were all fantastic singers and dancers.

[Josh Adam Myers]

It was.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was the jets and the show jokes.

[Josh Adam Myers]

They. They dance, battled me for the bag and won.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Give up all your weed now, B Sticks and stems.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Yeah, it was. They. They smelt it. And then the guy was like, yo, let me see that bag. And then I was like, oh, here. And I pulled it out. And then the guy just pulled the Gun out and then just took it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

From that weed cat.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Come on, Daddy O. I'm not going to take it. Let me just smell it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Josh Adam Myers]

They. They. They robbed his life. Crazy boy. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, seven stories down. Alex, where are points at?

[Ian Edwards]

All right, just go to sec. Just go to second.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, no.

[Alex (Producer)]

No.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

There's no chance for everybody.

[Alex (Producer)]

In last place with four points, Ian Edwards. In fourth place with nine points, Josh Adam Myers. In third place with 13 points, Nina Karufa.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The crowd likes Nina.

[Alex (Producer)]

In second place with 16 points, Big J. Okerson.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Small Miracle. Small Miracle.

[Alex (Producer)]

And in lead with 20 points, Louis J. Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Boo is right.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't need your love, Ian.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

For sure. You cannot win.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay's still in it. Nina's still in it. I'm still in it. Josh, you can play Giant killer.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You can play Giant Killer. Dude. Dude. It's still three people's game.

[Ian Edwards]

True.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Who wins? Who takes it home? Nina Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

Me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Catch her in the rye. Which ends with Holden finally slowing down after days of running from everything. As he watches his little sister Phoebe on a carousel in Central park, he realizes he can care about someone without trying to control their future. The book leaves you with the sense that growing up isn't about having answers, but figuring out how to keep moving anyway.

[Josh Adam Myers]

You want that book?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This book murdered John Lennon. For the love of God, Alex. Story number eight.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number eight. I got pulled over with a guy who had a bunch of coke and machine guns in the trunk. He went. He went to prison.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She called. She called the Feds. She ran it on him.

[Nina Karufa]

I'm no snitch. Except to the guy who said he was gonna shoot up the show.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

In fairness, you should have snitched on that guy.

[Big J Okerson]

Right.

[Ian Edwards]

Jay?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know. I think you voted too quick. I don't think you got that right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Do you now?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Nina Karufa]

Ian's black. He hangs out with thugs.

[Big J Okerson]

That's what I'm saying, right? This is. This is. This is a Tuesday in Jamaica. I'll tell you right now. They've all got coke and machine guns in their trunks of their little Honda Civic.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But nobody goes to prison in Jamaica for anything.

[Ian Edwards]

We wouldn't go to prison for that.

[Josh Adam Myers]

But he went to. He moved to London, though, very early on one. So they don't have machines. They don't have guns. No, they don't. Coke is way too expensive.

[Big J Okerson]

So.

[Josh Adam Myers]

This seems like something of a. You know, she looks like she probably dates shitty people.

[Nina Karufa]

I date rich people.

[Alex (Producer)]

Please.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Coke dealers. Yeah, coke dealers.

[Ian Edwards]

You know why?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Are very fluent unfortunately, they all wear curvy curvy slippers and weird genie clothes.

[Ian Edwards]

You know what? Like could be Nina, because the. Normally if you're in the car with somebody like this, if you're one of us, we're going to jail too. Yeah, black dude, for sure she didn't go to prison.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're right.

[Ian Edwards]

You feel. You feel me?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They let her go.

[Ian Edwards]

How? How did you get away?

[Nina Karufa]

It wasn't me.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I don't believe that was the worst acting ever.

[Ian Edwards]

I don't believe anything you say.

[Josh Adam Myers]

No more.

[Nina Karufa]

You know what? Whatever. Bunch of losers.

[Big J Okerson]

Nina Lewis. I can show you the world.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I can see it.

[Big J Okerson]

Shimmering, splendid, tending princess now when did you last let your heart decide? Are you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I can see it.

[Big J Okerson]

I just want to. I really don't know whose fucking story this is. Josh, who are you voting for? This bitch.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Real classy, Josh. Real classy.

[Josh Adam Myers]

She's been a cunt the whole episode. What do you want me to do? Netanyahu. No, I'm kidding.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's a great ship, Netanyahu. Nina. They'll just cheer for anything. What? Let's go Palestine.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's go Palestine. Can I say. I will say Netanyahu. Yahoo. Is a better chant rhythm than let's go Palestine.

[Ian Edwards]

Yeah. Which is crazy. Which is crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

All right.

[Nina Karufa]

Thank you, white man.

[Big J Okerson]

The show is falling apart partially because the club is dropping checks on the last story. But anyway, we're not going to really pay attention.

[Nina Karufa]

That email is coming tomorrow. I want to read it.

[Big J Okerson]

So let's see this. I mean, this is a horror. Could it be Jay?

[Nina Karufa]

Yeah, could it be Jay?

[Josh Adam Myers]

I don't think so.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Good, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, Jay used to be hanging out with some pretty unruly people.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And that's how I didn't go to prison. Jay.

[Josh Adam Myers]

But Jay. Jay's a weed. He's not a coke guy. So I don't think he has like coke friends.

[Big J Okerson]

No, but it's not coke friends. He could have just been doing a show.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yep.

[Big J Okerson]

And there could have been a Coke like guy that was in charge of the show.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

True. Yeah. The guy had coke and machine gun guns. I was just there.

[Big J Okerson]

Can I say, cuz Ian lived in London, which there's no guns in London. Then he lived in New York, which it's very hard unless you're dealing with hardcore criminals. Nobody's really has guns in New York.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude. Tracy Morgan. Really?

[Ian Edwards]

Tracy?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This guy was Tracy Morgan.

[Ian Edwards]

I feel like. I feel like you two Would know this story if it wanted you.

[Big J Okerson]

That's the only reason why I don't think it's Jay, because I feel like I would have heard it. But this could have been one of Jay's horseshit stories. He rambles on and on and on. So sometimes I do completely check out.

[Ian Edwards]

YouTube. Would notice if it was YouTube. This is a huge story.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm going for it.

[Nina Karufa]

It's not that big.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah, I'm going for it. This could be a big J early black comedy circuit story. That's my answer.

[Ian Edwards]

That's an interesting move.

[Big J Okerson]

Yep.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Might be Lewis.

[Ian Edwards]

That's an interesting move. I'm just gonna tell you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Answer you. You're voting last. It might be Lewis for that reason.

[Big J Okerson]

Because let me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Look at me. It ain't me.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay needs the points.

[Ian Edwards]

I do.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I am still in the game. I don't know if I'm right, though.

[Ian Edwards]

But I. Still. For me, huh? I. I just. She just lies, you know?

[Nina Karufa]

This is slander.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex.

[Big J Okerson]

All of our answers are in. Josh votes for Nina. Nina votes for Ian. Ian votes for Nina. Big J votes for Nina. I vote for Big J.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is the final story. Alex.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number eight belongs to Nina Karu.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Dude, Jay, you knew that immediately. You've never been so sure in your life.

[Ian Edwards]

You with Nina. You going to prison. Yeah, you with Nina, you going to prison. Any guy that Nina is going to prison.

[Josh Adam Myers]

This bitch is crazy.

[Ian Edwards]

Hands down.

[Big J Okerson]

You have the craziest life of anybody ever. I know.

[Nina Karufa]

I really don't. I'm so, so boring.

[Ian Edwards]

Shane, either you going to prison or they going to prison. This is.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I literally.

[Nina Karufa]

I literally sit at home every night and watch Friends.

[Josh Adam Myers]

She's just like, I'm about to go to the airport.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What's that?

[Josh Adam Myers]

A scud missile. Let me touch that. Let me touch that scud.

[Ian Edwards]

I got.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sorry. I was riding a scud missile a little bit earlier. I might still have some dew on my fingers.

[Ian Edwards]

I got a. I got a. I got a flight in the morning. I got to get this Nina residue off my hand so I don't get arrested.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Dude, you have to go take a fucking hot shower after this.

[Ian Edwards]

I know, right? How do you get Nina residue off your hand?

[Nina Karufa]

I was. I was hanging out with a friend and we went to dinner and we got pulled over and he drives a blacked out Cadillac. So the cops were like, pop the trunk. We both knew it was in the trunk. I acted like I didn't. Cause I'm a liar and I got away. Cause I'm a sweet pumpkin. Angel.

[Big J Okerson]

Sweet pumpkin angel.

[Ian Edwards]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Me and her career.

[Nina Karufa]

Thank you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I like that. That if you do spend time with Nina, though, you are. One of you are.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, N. You're right. White people are the problem in this country. All of these awful whites. Alex, where are our final scores at after eight stories?

[Alex (Producer)]

All right. In last place.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Come on, man.

[Ian Edwards]

Don't say it like that.

[Alex (Producer)]

Ian Edwards. In fourth place with 13 points, Josh Adam Myers. In third place with 15 points, Nina Karufa. And tied for the lead with 20 points each, Louis J. Gomez and Big J Okerson.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What does that mean?

[Big J Okerson]

It's overtime.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Quick tiebreaker. Here's the way it's gonna work. Alex is gonna read one more story. It is gonna belong to one of the three of you. It's not gonna be a story for me or Big J. Me and Big J are going to wager between 0 and 20 points of the 20 points that we have, and then me and Big J are gonna be the only ones playing. So you guys are actually. The way it works. It's only me or me or Big J are in the finals right here for first and second place, and then we'll put our answer, and that'll be that. So you guys can try to deter us. You could trick us. You can say whatever you guys want. Alex, our final story. Over time, guys, you having a good time? Come on, folks. Come on. Story number nine.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number nine. I had ten guys chasing me down the street, so I pretended to have a gun.

[Big J Okerson]

If it was Nina, she'd be like, but I had a gun. And. Yeah, I mean, Jo. It can't be me, Jay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, it's not any of us.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Jay, don't do it, dude. Jay, I'm begging you.

[Nina Karufa]

It's definitely Josh.

[Josh Adam Myers]

It's definitely Ian or you, because it's not me.

[Nina Karufa]

Me. I would fight them.

[Big J Okerson]

See, this is it. But it's a black guy move, because it's very believable if a black guy turns around, goes, yo, I got a gun. Everyone's like, all right, that's probably true.

[Nina Karufa]

I would just scream, allahu Akbar.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I. If Josh started singing, oh, I got it done. I'm gonna come get you. Like, shut up, you fat. I'm gonna beat your ass.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Don't make me pull out the gap.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you know what? I gotta go. The same answer, Jay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right.

[Big J Okerson]

I hate to do it. My vote is for Ian Edwards.

[Ian Edwards]

That means you both tie again in no wager.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, whose answer was it or whose story was it?

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number nine. Belongs to Ian Edwards.

[Big J Okerson]

Ian, quick version of the story before we reveal our points.

[Ian Edwards]

Quick version of story. I went to a movie, catch a midnight movie in Long Island.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And you.

[Ian Edwards]

You and your friends were being in a white neighborhood.

[Josh Adam Myers]

What was the movie?

[Big J Okerson]

And you and your friends were being really loud. So everyone was like, get them.

[Ian Edwards]

Nah, not it. I went solo. And it was Rocky Horror picture movie night.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, Jesus.

[Ian Edwards]

And it was.

[Josh Adam Myers]

He got chased by Frankfurter.

[Ian Edwards]

This is the wrong night.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He got chased by white guys.

[Ian Edwards]

Everybody. Everybody was dressed like Big J. They were like, look at this nigga right here.

[Big J Okerson]

No, that was. They were dressed as the meatloaf character.

[Ian Edwards]

Yeah, but they were like heavy metal. Like, back in the day when people were, like, into, like, whatever music, they would dress like that music. So it was like heavy metal type shit. You know what I'm saying? So then I, like, went in the movie theater to kill time just in the lobby. And then I came back out. They were gone. I was like, let me just head back to my work. And I was walking down the divider. Something said, look behind you. Turn around. They had bats, chains. And they said, sneaking up on.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Those are props for the movie.

[Ian Edwards]

Props for the movie.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Were you. Were you in the Warriors?

[Ian Edwards]

They. They were. They were. So then I was like, so there.

[Big J Okerson]

Was a bunch of baseball players on roller skates.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He goes, then I got jumped by the Staten island fairies.

[Big J Okerson]

Staten island fairies.

[Ian Edwards]

So then I was like, instead of running, I was like, why don't I just turn around and face him and put my hand in my pocket? Which I did. And then he stay stopped. It's like, oh, you got a gun. But they started, like, separating, and they started running back, and I just had fun that night.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Ian Edwards]

Then I chased him.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay, how many points did you wager?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I wager 17 points.

[Big J Okerson]

I wagered 20 points. Well played. True and complete belief in my abilities.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, no. I just want to go home and not have double overtime. So I took an odd number, knowing you would do that.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't try to put an asterisk on my win. You just lost. Sign the book. Let's end the show.

[Josh Adam Myers]

Can I have the book?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I really want it. I really want it. I'm going to go to the library now.

[Big J Okerson]

Damn it.

[Josh Adam Myers]

I want it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

How about a big round of applause for our entire panel?

[Big J Okerson]

Josh.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Adam Myers, Nina Karufa, Ian Edwards. Make sure you follow and check out all three of them, please. And we will catch you guys. Next time on Story Words. I'm Big J. Okerson.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm Lucha Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Until next time.

[Big J Okerson]

Peace.