072. Jim Florentine, Colum Tyrrell, Na'im Ali | Asians

Summary

Story Warz – Episode 072: "Asians"

December 19, 2025 | GaS Digital Network
Hosts: Big Jay Oakerson & Luis J. Gomez
Guests: Jim Florentine, Colum Tyrrell, Naim Ali
Theme: Live from The Stand Comedy Club, the comedians face off in a riotous, deceptive game of "Story Warz" where tonight's subject is “Asians.” The panel attempts to outwit each other, guessing whose (often outrageous) real-life stories belong to whom, while navigating themes of racial humor, cultural faux pas, and personal confessions.

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Episode Overview

This episode features a Thanksgiving Eve showdown with Big Jay, Luis J. Gomez, Colum Tyrrell, Naim Ali, and Jim Florentine. The game: panelists submit stories about "Asians"—some shocking, some silly, some deeply personal or embarrassing. Each round, a story is read anonymously; the rest interrogate, tease, and sleuth to identify the author. Bonus points are up for grabs in later rounds, and brutal honesty (and dishonesty) rules the day.

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Key Discussion Points, Stories, and Insights

1. Introduction & Game Explanation (01:00–07:39)

• What's Story Warz?
  • Each panelist submits multiple stories based on a given theme—in this case, "Asians."
  • One is read at random; the author must hide ownership while the rest must guess who wrote it—points awarded for misleading or identifying correctly.
• Prize: Tonight’s winner receives The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah.

2. Round-by-Round Story Breakdown

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Story 1: "My daughter laughed uncontrollably at Asians." (08:05–14:49)

Story: A family member would laugh uncontrollably whenever Asians spoke their native language, leading to removals from laundromats/restaurants.

• Panel Banter:
  • Naim: “Only black people and Puerto Ricans go into laundromats.”
  • Big J: “Only blacks or Puerto Ricans would have the gumption to laugh uncontrollably at an Asian person simply speaking.”
  • Colum: Shares how Chinese people in Ireland put on accents for customers.
• (13:23) Reveal: It was Big Jay's story—about his daughter.
• Memorable quote:
  • "She just went, ‘What do Asian people even do?’—the most profound question I couldn't answer for her." — Big Jay (14:19)

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Story 2: "Chasing down an Asian prostitute" (15:26–22:04)

Story: Got a prostitute (Asian) to the house; ended up chasing her down after she tried to leave.

• Panel Suspicion:
  • Naim: “I don't fuck no Chinese people. I would never do that. They smell like garlic.”
  • Jay: “My prostitute days were in apartments, not a house.”
  • Focus on who would have a “house” vs. “apartment.”
• (20:39) Reveal: It was Luis J. Gomez.
• Luis explains:
  • “I was on coke and couldn’t come. I got up and she tried to bolt.”
• Laughter ensues:
  • “Why would I chase her?—because she stole… Jim’s Aussie CDs!” — Jay (17:53)

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Story 3: "Fighting an Asian food delivery guy" (25:31–30:24)

Story: Received someone else's much bigger order, refused to return it—almost fought the delivery guy.

• Guesses fly—everyone's done it?
  • Big J: “Takes a certain type of guy to do this, that’s why I’m voting for Naim.”
  • Naim: “It’s not me. But if I did do that, I wouldn’t be wrong.”
• (29:08) Reveal: It was Colum Tyrrell—from a bar gig.
• Colum shares:
  • “As soon as I opened it, I was like, this is much better than what I ordered. He came back, trying to take it—no chance, mate!”

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Story 4: "Kicked out of a rub-and-tug for looking like a cop" (31:52–36:57)

Story: Went to an Asian massage parlor for a happy ending; got booted for being suspected as undercover cop.

• Strong suspicion: This is Jim’s territory.
• Jokes about how to tell if someone’s a cop.
• (35:39) Reveal: Jim Florentine owns up.
• Highlight:
  • “My brother gave me a gift certificate after my divorce. They said if I was a cop, I couldn’t show my dick!”
  • Ultimately gave the certificate to a friend who had no problem.

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Story 5: "Sued an uninsured Chinese man for $30,000" (42:09–47:01)

Story: An uninsured Chinese driver crashes, author sues and wins $30K.

• Suspicion: Everyone insists they’d know if another on the panel came into that kind of money.
• Stereotypical riffing ensues on lawsuits and ethnicity.
• (45:54) Reveal: Naim Ali—true story.
• Naim explains:
  • Only got $10–15k after IRS and lawyer fees. “Bought a car and blew the rest in a strip club.”
  • Memorable: “My son was in the car when he hit me...almost killed that motherfucker.”

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Story 6: "Suspended for the 'slanty eyes' gesture" (52:53–57:43)

Story: Got suspended from school for slanting eyes at an Asian kid.

• Universal admission: “Everybody’s done this.”
• Guesses range widely—could be any of the degenerates!
• (56:45) Reveal: Jim Florentine did it; he was 12, early 80s.
• Quote:
  • “My father tried to defend me: ‘But that’s funny!’” — Jim (57:01)

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Story 7: "Accused of being racist by an Asian, 'wasn't exactly Wong'" (58:58–64:25)

Story: Panel flips between Jay and Luis as possible author; “She wasn’t exactly Wong” is the groan-worthy punchline.

• Tension as Jay swears “on my son, it’s not me.”
• (63:23) Reveal: It was Luis J. Gomez.
• Luis tells the full story:
  • Got into a shouting match with an Asian deli worker over a bag charge. Banned from deli after knocking candy off the counter.
• Memorable:
  • “She wasn’t Wong, ‘cause I was being a little racist.” — Luis (64:25)

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Story 8: "The inside-out Asian asshole" (66:17–70:08)

Story: Hooked up with an Asian (for free!) whose “inside was on the outside.”

• Panel: It must be Big Jay.
• Jay is asked to swear on Colum’s (dumb) wife’s life—not him!
• (70:01) Reveal: Big Jay Okerson—it’s real!
• Jay’s vivid, gross description:
  • “There were several circle-shaped things, like a clog of bubble tea. Looked like five bubbles stuck in the straw at once…”
  • “Of course I stopped!”
• Colum’s reaction:
  • “You have no honor in this game!” — Colum (70:22)

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3. Scoring, Final Standings, & Winner

Scoring swung wildly with double points in the later rounds.
At final tally:

• Winner: Jim Florentine (18 points; huge comeback)
• Runners-up: Big Jay Okerson & Naim Ali (16), Luis J. Gomez (13), Colum Tyrrell (9)

Final moments:

• “Jim, you have joined the elite ranks of the Story Warriors: the quiet assassin.” — Luis (73:39)
• “What a comeback! I was in last place after four.” — Jim (73:48)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On racial ‘ownership’ and honesty:
  • “Only black people and Puerto Ricans go into laundromats.” — Naim Ali (08:56)
  • “I picked you every time…like, ‘He’s from Ireland; he’s a fucking scumbag’...and it was always Big Jay or Louis!” — Jim Florentine (04:59)
• On subverting expectations:
  • “Why would I chase her? Because I was on coke and I couldn’t come!” — Luis J. Gomez (21:22)
• Panel’s fabricated moral compass:
  • “I would never do that. I would never do that. But if I did do that, I wouldn’t be wrong. That’s not stealing!” — Naim Ali (27:39)
• Shameless subterfuge:
  • “He swore on his son and looked at us in the face and lied!” — Colum Tyrrell (63:02)
  • “All you gotta do is swear and everybody's like, 'I believe you.' That's dumb...Why do we believe people when they swear?” — Naim Ali (69:33)
• On winning ugly:
  • “You officiated their wedding, you piece of shit!” — Colum Tyrrell (70:22 to Big Jay, after being lied to).
• Most vivid gross-out:
  • “The full cherry blossom…there were several circle-shaped things. It looked like a clog of bubble tea.” — Big Jay Okerson (71:24)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Game Explanation & Intros: 01:00–07:39
• Story 1: 08:05–14:49
• Story 2: 15:26–22:04
• Story 3: 25:31–30:24
• Story 4: 31:52–36:57
• Story 5: 42:09–47:01
• Story 6: 52:53–57:43
• Story 7: 58:58–64:25
• Story 8: 66:17–70:08
• Final scoring & winner: 72:40–75:10

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Episode Tone & Vibe

• Unapologetically raunchy and confrontational: No sacred cows, playful (and often cutting) racial humor, absurd honesty in sharing embarrassing personal stories.
• Competitive and mischievous: Deception is part of the game, with aggressive misdirection, oaths sworn and broken, and much delight in fooling one another.
• Endearing camaraderie: Panels bust each other's chops mercilessly but with affection; several “sworn on” oaths turn into laughing betrayals that delight the audience.
• Quick-witted banter and big laughs: Audience is clearly along for the ride—roars and gasps punctuate the best reveals and filthiest punchlines.

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Summary

Story Warz: Asians is a high-octane, raucous hour-plus of comedians trading stories, insults, and playful racially-tinged jabs. The format gleefully encourages lies and bluffs, culminating in betrayals, redemption, and the thrill of being crowned “Story Warrior.” Amid the chaos, listeners are treated to unexpectedly vivid slices of real life—with tales of laughing at gibberish, botched rub-and-tugs, epic lawsuits, childish suspensions, and the hazards of eating ass. Jim Florentine emerges victorious, but the real winner is any listener who survives the mayhem with their funny bone intact.

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(For full effect, listen for Colum’s defeated Irish lilt when betrayed, Naim's righteous logic, Big Jay’s gross-out storytelling, Luis’s hyperactive self-owning, and Jim’s deadpan confessions.)

Transcript

[Big J Okerson]

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[Colm Turrell]

Stays with VRBO this winter.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If you haven't seen your college besties since, well, college, you need a week to catch up in a snowy cabin, take a week long vacation and save over $200.

[Naim Ali]

Book [e-mail].

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, before we start today's show, if you're looking for a last second gift, this is your last chance to head over to storywarsmerch.com and grab something. Today we got mugs, T shirts, hoodies. It's. This is your last chance. Absolutely. To get it in time for that buy to get one free.

[Big J Okerson]

So right now, head over to storywarsmerch.com and represent the show that you love. Get double points, buy two, get one free storywarsmerch.com all right, let's start the show.

[Colm Turrell]

Fill her up.

[Naim Ali]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Ladies and gentlemen, live from Helium Comedy.

[Big J Okerson]

Club, Philadelphia, Story wars with the story warriors, Big J. Okerson and Lewis J. Goman.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What's up? Story wars. Make some noise. Philadelphia, please.

[Big J Okerson]

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. How we feeling?

[Colm Turrell]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We're making a tradition now. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, we do a couple of story wars right here in Philadelphia. I hope you guys are enjoying this. We did it last year, we're doing it again this year. We always ask this of all of our crowds, as dumb as it may be because we are all here. How many people are familiar with the game story wars.

[Big J Okerson]

And who is not familiar with the game story wars? I think you're booing nobody. I think everyone is familiar with the game story wars. Well, look, I'm very excited about tonight's show. This is the late one where we've been here all night. We had an earlier show. Full disclosure, guys, I'm pretty drunk.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, pretty drunk, too.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. No, yeah, I've been drinking. We have an amazing fucking lineup on tonight's show. What do you say we get him out here? Yes. Our first contestant just filmed his new special. You've seen him on the Tonight Show. You know him from the Colm Tyrrell podcast. How about it for the hilarious Colm Terr.

[Big J Okerson]

Colin back on the show? Have you won before?

[Colm Turrell]

Oh, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Have you?

[Colm Turrell]

A few times.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, no, I've never. I've never.

[Colm Turrell]

I. I think I have the record for the lowest amount of points in a single game. And you know, it's because I'm such a. I'm such a naive, gullible person. I see the. The true, the truth in everyone. So you guys are evil Pieces of shit.

[Big J Okerson]

Good, good, good, good. Also returning, trying to. To claim a victory one time 0 and 3 in story wars competition. You know from the durag and deer tag pod yet on the GAS Digital network. Clap it up for Naim Ali.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Billy.

[Naim Ali]

Hell yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Billy tones.

[Naim Ali]

We in this. Damn. This fly. Y' all got. Y' all got cubes around y' all mics. When y' all get these?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah.

[Naim Ali]

I'm on channel six, bro. This is nice.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's a real today.

[Naim Ali]

We got three facts to my right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh.

[Colm Turrell]

Thrown in with these two.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We've got one more for your left. His record, 0 and 1. You know him from that metal show. You know him from you can't please them all on YouTube. You know him from Crank Yankers. Make some noise for the great Jim Florentine in the house.

[Big J Okerson]

Jim, happy to have you back, my friend.

[Jim Florentine]

Thanks for having me, man. I appreciate it.

[Big J Okerson]

Happy, happy Thanksgiving.

[Jim Florentine]

Thank you. And I was with Column last time I did the show. Yes, and we both lost.

[Colm Turrell]

We both lost.

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah. Yeah. I thought you did everything and you did nothing. Like, I picked you every time.

[Colm Turrell]

You picked me all the time.

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah, like, he's from Ireland. He's a fucking scumbag. He must have did this. And it was always Big J or Louis.

[Colm Turrell]

So you're going to change your strategy this time?

[Jim Florentine]

We'll see.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Colm Turrell]

I'm going for you all every time.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, it's all gang up to stop Naim.

[Naim Ali]

That's crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's Thanksgiving. If you're unfamiliar with the game Story wars or it's your first time watching here, I'll tell you. It's a very simple game. All five of us on this panel, including Louis and I, have submitted three to five stories on one particular subject. Tonight's subject, Louis. Asians.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, shit. Yo, they picked my favorite subject.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Our lovely producer Alex is gonna take eight of those stories at random and read them out one at a time. It'll appear here on the screen. If it is your story, you're the only person who knows that. It's your job to make people believe it's not your story. If it's not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.

[Big J Okerson]

Every time you guess the story correctly, you get two points. Every time you fool a person on the panel, you get one point. So if it's your story, you have an opportunity to get four points once you write your answer on the dry erase board. Put the dry erase board in the slot right here and remove your hand. That's it. That's your final answer. You can't change it. And I'll tell you right now, this game is so much fun. Some of you guys, if you've never been to Story wars before, you're gonna have so much fun tonight. But we don't. We do not play for fun. Jay, let them know what we're playing for today.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They already know, dawg. Every week here on Story Awards, we're playing for a book from the Story Awards library. Tonight's winner takes home the Nightingale by Kristin Hannah. The Nightingale, published in 2015 by St Martin's Press, is one of Kristin Hannah's most acclaimed novels and a major bestseller worldwide. Hannah, the award winning author of over 20 books, tells the story of two French sisters whose lives diverge and collide as they each find their own form of resistance during World War II. Dub Dub, too.

[Big J Okerson]

We're just gonna give that one away, huh? No.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Not if we play our fucking cards right. Because I tell you what, and it doesn't happen a lot, but we're in Philly. We're in my hometown. I gotta win one. I gotta win one. I gotta win one. I'm hunkering down.

[Naim Ali]

Go Birds.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Go Birds. Go Birds. Go Sixers. Go Birds.

[Jim Florentine]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

Go Philadelphia. Are you ready for war?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Are you ready for war? Then, Alex, do us a solid. Story number one.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

Story number one. A family member of mine used to laugh uncontrollably whenever Asian people spoke their native language. She had to be removed from laundromats and Chinese food restaurants often.

[Big J Okerson]

This is some black shit.

[Naim Ali]

All right? But don't lie. That shit sounds silly as hell when they start talking that shit.

[Colm Turrell]

You're not wrong.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I mean, only black people would have. Or Puerto Ricans. Only blacks or Puerto Ricans would have the. Just the pure gumption to laugh uncontrollably at an Asian person. Simply speaking.

[Naim Ali]

And only and only black people and Puerto Ricans go into laundromats. Yeah, I ain't never seen a white person in the laundromat.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a great point.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I've been to a laundromat. In fairness.

[Naim Ali]

I mean. But, Jay, you different. Cause you from West Philly. That's a different thing, bruh.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's true. I didn't go to laundromats there.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, we were in New York. Yeah, man, get your money up. That's crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Not now. I have a washer dryer now.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like in Ireland it would be pretty crazy to hear an Asian accent.

[Colm Turrell]

We had a few. We had a few.

[Big J Okerson]

You had A few.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I guess.

[Colm Turrell]

We had a. One of my local Chinese restaurants. They what? One of my local Chinese restaurants. They were born, like, the Chinese people were first generation, so they all had Irish accents, but when they worked in the restaurant, they wouldn't answer. Like me. They'd answer and they'd put on the. Like. They gook it up. It sounds.

[Big J Okerson]

It sounds more.

[Naim Ali]

No, it's okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's a.

[Colm Turrell]

It's a technical term, what you are.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's a technical term. It's a technical term.

[Colm Turrell]

That's what he said. I'm going to gook it up a little so I can make some money off these dumb crackers.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Save. Save.

[Colm Turrell]

Oh, white guy so stupid.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Save your angry.

[Naim Ali]

He think I sound like this.

[Colm Turrell]

Yeah, it's true.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah. Then they got Chinese people in Ireland that'd break my brain, nigga, if I saw a goddamn Chinese motherfucker with an Irish accent. God damn.

[Colm Turrell]

What's the crack? What's going on?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I mean, I feel like Florence here from Jersey. Your family?

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah, yeah. We had a washer and dryer. I've never been in a laundromat ever.

[Colm Turrell]

Never?

[Jim Florentine]

No.

[Colm Turrell]

Even in the old days?

[Jim Florentine]

No. No.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm getting Naim vibes. I don't want to vote too early here, but, Naim, tell me why. This isn't you.

[Naim Ali]

It's not me. Because we wouldn't have removed ourselves if we started laughing. We just would have stayed in that bitch. We're like, ha ha ha, you fucking Chinese bitch.

[Colm Turrell]

You're right.

[Naim Ali]

That's what we'd have done. We'd have pointed at him.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's a great argument.

[Colm Turrell]

I've never seen him.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Now I'm back to column.

[Big J Okerson]

Excuse me.

[Colm Turrell]

I've never seen a black people before.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is Colm laughing at Asians, the rare Asian in Ireland. Or Naim, just a regular Tuesday, laughing at some Asians with his family.

[Naim Ali]

That's right. But we're not leaving, bro. We laughing until they leave.

[Colm Turrell]

Yeah, I've never seen.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, it doesn't say. It said be removed.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah. When you ever seen a nigga remove somebody from somewhere? We don't remove shit, bruh. We ain't removing nobody.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We're gonna.

[Naim Ali]

You have to encourage the behavior. Like, hey, you should laugh, too. How about you laugh?

[Colm Turrell]

No, she had to be removed. She had to be removed.

[Big J Okerson]

See, I. I believe Naim, the staff.

[Colm Turrell]

Came over and said, stop it. Stop it, black woman. You're being too black woman right now.

[Naim Ali]

And you know what Chinese people do? Remove us from places they do. One time I walked into a Chinese restaurant.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I. I had a washer. Dryer growing up for sure.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, you had a washer and dryer.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I was going to say.

[Big J Okerson]

I was going to say, this might be suburbs.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This might be Lewis's sister.

[Naim Ali]

I thought you had a washer and dryer.

[Colm Turrell]

Yeah, damn.

[Naim Ali]

I'm the only had no washer and dryer.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, maybe it is me. Oh, yo.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know.

[Colm Turrell]

Everyone's going.

[Big J Okerson]

The answer is naive. There's only one answer.

[Jim Florentine]

I'm not. I'm not going to say who I'm picking, but how do you spell your name?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

N, A apostrophe. I am.

[Big J Okerson]

Jim. It's N, I, G.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

H, N. If.

[Colm Turrell]

We all spell a little bit.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone voted for Naim, except for Naim, who voted for me. Alex, all of our answers are in story one.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

All right, story number one belongs to Big J Okerson.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Go. Birds fly, Eagles fly On the road to victory. Fight, Eagles five. Score a touchdown. One, two, three. Hit him low, hit him high and watch our Eagles fly. Fly, Eagles, fly.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not the Eagles go to victory.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, he's E, A, G, L, E, S. Eagles.

[Big J Okerson]

Idiots. He's not. He's not the Eagles. He's not the Eagles, you idiots. He's Jay. He's convinced you that he's an Eagle. You're fucking fools.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I could probably run a little fucking practice squad, baby. This was my daughter.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, shit.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Isabella, when she was little, when Asian people would talk at Chinese restaurants or the laundromat we'd have to go to, she would just start laughing at them uncontrollably. And one of the funniest things ever, I brought her outside one time, and she started. I mean, they were going hard at each other in the laundromat, and she started laughing so hard, I brought her outside. I'm not yelling at her, but I'm giving her, like, a. Hey. That's, like, disrespectful. What are you laughing at? And while laughing, she just went, what do Asian people even do? Which was the most profound question that I couldn't answer for her. And she never trusted me ever since.

[Jim Florentine]

How old was she when she did this? About eight. Okay.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, yeah. She had it natural. She had it natural. You didn't teach her that?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, no, no, no, no. She thought they were just. She thought them talking was fucking hilarious. We had to pull her out of, like, a very Asiany daycare one time because she was just like. She, like, shit herself laughing at School.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, one story down. Where are our points at? I mean, I think I know.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We all know.

[Naim Ali]

That'S crazy.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

In first place with four points. Big J Okerson.

[Big J Okerson]

By the way, he told me. We had a conversation. A very sincere. On the drive down, like, real heart to heart, he's like, dude, I need to win in Philly. Like, I need to go home and bring a win home in Philadelphia. He wants this so bad.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So bad.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Alex, story number two.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

Story number two. I once had an Asian prostitute run out of my house as I chased after her.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, that's cold.

[Colm Turrell]

Wait, who. Who hasn't?

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, we've all had Asian prostitutes run out of our house. Chasing after her as the key part, which sounds dangerous.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It seems like loose behavior, maybe.

[Colm Turrell]

Dang, this is Lewis written all over.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I know this.

[Naim Ali]

I think it's column. I can see column chasing the Chinese lady. I can see you doing that, bro. You know it ain't me. I don't fuck no Chinese people. I would never do that. They smell like garlic. I don't fuck that smell like garlic, bruh. That ain't my thing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Those are Italian women, Jim.

[Naim Ali]

No, the Chinese people smell like garlic and onions. But they smell like all that. That wok sauce.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, definitely boiled seaweed.

[Big J Okerson]

Jamie. You've been. You've been. You've been in the game for a long time, Jim.

[Jim Florentine]

Well, you know, and I used to live with Jim Norton, so, you know, there was prostitutes coming in and out.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Of our house because I was. I ruled you out right away because you. You were a slanger. You didn't need a fucking to get prostitutes. But you did live with somebody who loved prostitutes. And they may have stole some of your CDs.

[Big J Okerson]

But if it was.

[Jim Florentine]

If they took my Aussie CDs. Forget it, Jim.

[Big J Okerson]

If it was Norton, it would say, as I chase after.

[Jim Florentine]

Now, it also says house. So how many people have a house? It wasn't an apartment house.

[Big J Okerson]

That's a great point. My prostitutes days were when I was in apartments.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hmm.

[Jim Florentine]

But they would say apartment was an apartment.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, maybe, but also didn't say, are you coming to my house? See, when you had an apartment, I would say that. That seems like semantics.

[Jim Florentine]

See, that's Jay trying to trick us again.

[Colm Turrell]

You know, Jay's on a roll.

[Big J Okerson]

Stay above board in the rules.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, why would I chase after Nate? I couldn't even gu reason why that would be happening.

[Big J Okerson]

You didn't come.

[Colm Turrell]

Yeah, maybe she said she. Maybe I paid for the hour and she didn't stay for the hour she took. There's lots of reasons why I might chase after them.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She. She stole my Nintendo.

[Naim Ali]

I mean, I don't think it's Jay. I can't imagine Jay running.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You can't even picture it.

[Naim Ali]

No, I can't.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Within the. In the era of AI. You all right, Naim?

[Naim Ali]

Yo, somebody make the AI video with Jay chasing the Chinese bitch.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'll take that. I'd like to see.

[Big J Okerson]

Florentine is being very quiet over here. What's going on? Florentine?

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah, I'm just. I'm trying to figure out who it is.

[Big J Okerson]

Have you now?

[Naim Ali]

I think it's you, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Have you ever been with an Asian prostitute?

[Jim Florentine]

No, I've never been into the prostitutes.

[Naim Ali]

You ever fucked the Asian?

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You were engaged to an Asian girl?

[Jim Florentine]

No.

[Colm Turrell]

Enraged.

[Big J Okerson]

Never mind.

[Jim Florentine]

Damn.

[Naim Ali]

Who could this be?

[Jim Florentine]

I know who it is.

[Naim Ali]

You know, because it was you.

[Colm Turrell]

That's why it was you who did it. So you know who it was.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Lewis, do you know if Cullum's a prostitute guy?

[Big J Okerson]

Do I know? On the record.

[Colm Turrell]

Is he still alive? Is this live?

[Big J Okerson]

No. Colm is not a prostitute guy. But I will say that my vote is for column.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Was column. A prostitute guy who's not a prostitute.

[Colm Turrell]

Guy, not the gay guy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You think I'm not a prostitute guy?

[Big J Okerson]

I would call you a prostitute guy, but I would say you've been with enough prostitutes.

[Colm Turrell]

You might have chased a prostitute.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you've chased a prostitute.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I've never.

[Colm Turrell]

Get out of my house.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I've never had a pro.

[Colm Turrell]

Get out of my house. Asian prostitute.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I've never had a prostitute come to my house ever.

[Colm Turrell]

No, you're going back.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Never had a prostitute come to my house.

[Big J Okerson]

That's actually a great point. I've never had a prostitute come to my house either.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes, you have.

[Naim Ali]

It's crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Apartment. Never.

[Big J Okerson]

Nope.

[Naim Ali]

Yes. Column.

[Big J Okerson]

What you're talking about right now is I've called them, I jerk off and then I cancel on them before they get there. That's what you're talking about every time.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, is that what I'm talking about? Until that one Asian stormed in your house and you had to chase after. When she stole. When she stole your vcr.

[Big J Okerson]

I know exactly what you're talking about.

[Naim Ali]

How you make a four leaf clover, bruh.

[Big J Okerson]

Florentine voting for me. And I think it's because it's Florentine.

[Colm Turrell]

Interesting.

[Big J Okerson]

Maybe I'm getting Jim Florentine vibes over here.

[Colm Turrell]

Jay again. You're going gym?

[Jim Florentine]

You should I lie to you guys?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. So Florentine.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think he told us the story. I think this is a Jim Norton prostitute that was doing something shifty.

[Colm Turrell]

Well, why would he give such an obvious.

[Naim Ali]

I feel stupid.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jim fell asleep. And this lady.

[Jim Florentine]

Why would I chase her, though?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Because she stole.

[Jim Florentine]

Because most likely that prostitute had dick, so I wanted nothing to do with her.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, fair enough. What if they were taking all your docking CDs or something?

[Jim Florentine]

I didn't think about that.

[Naim Ali]

Alex.

[Big J Okerson]

All of her answers are in.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

Story number two. Belongs to Louis J. Gomez.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, fuck.

[Colm Turrell]

He had me. You added that shit at the end. And I go, why was it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So I knew that you're a prostitute guy.

[Big J Okerson]

I knew it. So, yeah, dude, this is my coke days. And it was my. It was my. It wasn't my house. It was my apartment in Harlem. And, yeah, dude, I definitely ordered hookers at my house a hundred times. And insane that was. They would describe that as their stomping ground.

[Jim Florentine]

Why'd you chase her out, though?

[Big J Okerson]

Because I was on coke and I couldn't come, and I just kept on going forever, dude. And then, like, I got up to go to the bathroom, and then, like, I came out, and she was, like, getting dressed and running down the stairs, and I was like, hey, I didn't come yet. What are you doing? She, like, ran out. I was like, get back here. Like, ran down the stairs.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You'll ruin the day. You came to this country.

[Big J Okerson]

Simply because I wanted to come, Jim. That's why I chased her, Jim.

[Jim Florentine]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So you would have accepted whatever terms where she stopped running away and went, all right, fine. Now at least we're both being sensible. Now can we go upstairs and you finish providing your service? Okay.

[Jim Florentine]

Okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Thank you. Get in front of me.

[Big J Okerson]

I think you're gonna run again. We're our point that Alex.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

All right. On the scoreboard, in third place, with two points, Jim Florentine.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, there you go.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

In second place with three points, Lis J. Gomez.

[Naim Ali]

Is that.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, that episode didn't come out yet. You were obviously at skank fest. That's hilarious. That's great.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What is that when that episode comes out?

[Big J Okerson]

It'll come out one day. They'll get it.

[Colm Turrell]

Never release it.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm never gonna release it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Lewis would like to not release it.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

And in the lead with four points, Big J Okerson.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's me. It's the Lord. Christ.

[Colm Turrell]

I'm go birds. I'm the worst.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, story warriors, let's take a quick moment and thank Body Brain Coffee for supporting the show. Body Brain Coffee is my coffee brand that I started almost a year ago at this point and we've been taking the world by storm this holiday season. If you and your loved ones want to support your natural testosterone and brain function, body brain coffee is the answer. It is just five ingredients. It's Colombian freeze dried coffee that's blended with nootropics and adaptogens that naturally support testosterone and brain function. It makes me feel great. I know it makes everyone that's tried to feel great. The reviews, people absolutely love it. Uhm, whether you're trying girls or girls drinking it regularly, 100% dude. It's actually so when it says it supports your natural testosterone, what it does is it actually creates hormonal balance. So if you're a woman and you need more testosterone, uhm, it'll give you more testosterone but it's really, really great. It's very easy to use hot, cold or in a protein shake. Just go to bodybraincoffee.com and we're gonna give you 20% off with the promo code War20. War20 War20 for 20 off today. And guess what, we're doing a special holiday promo. If you buy two bags of vitamin coffee, one for yourself and one for that person in your life, we're gonna give you 25 off. So just go to bodybraincoffee.com use that promo code wart1. All right guys, let's take a quick moment to thank prize picks for supporting today's show. Prize picks is so much fun to use whether you're a sports fan or not. It's going to make watching games this holiday season that much more fun. No matter what your sport is, they have you covered and it's a very simple process. Jay explained to them exactly how to use the price picks app because it's so much fun.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You know what goes on with prize picks. It's very, very simple concept. You pick two to six players across any sport and you're just going more or less than their projected stats for the game. It's that easy. They also have early payouts where you can cash out your winnings before the game even finishes. If you're feeling good about your lineup, they have weekly fantasy football plays. You don't have to have a draft. It's very, very easy. The app is simple. You just download it. Surprise picks app. You use the code wars with a Z W a R Z and you're gonna get fifty dollars in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup. That's Code Wars With a Z to get fifty dollars in lineups. After you play your first five dollar lineup, you don't even have to win to get the 50 bucks, it's guaranteed. So prize picks, check it out. Right now it's good to be right. All right, let's get back into it.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, story number three.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

Story number three. I almost fought my delivery guy after he gave me someone else's order. The other order was much bigger than mine and I refused to return it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean this does, this does. This sounds like Lewis.

[Naim Ali]

That's only Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, the Asian's a delivery guy, obviously.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, what are you, a fucking moron? Hey, what is that gonna do with Asians?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Asians? Probably the delivery guy. The other one is much bigger than mine. You refuse to return.

[Naim Ali]

I mean, that sounds almost too much like Lewis though.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This sounds also like. It sounds like a very New York story.

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah, like. Yeah, someone getting delivery in New York City apartment, Queens.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This feels like Lewis again, but back to back is the odds are low. But this is on the nose. Lewis.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, back.

[Jim Florentine]

It's not like Lewis is known to get into arguments with people, so it might not be him.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean you, Jim.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't think Jim's.

[Jim Florentine]

I'm trying to cover up for you just in case it's not you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I've never almost delivery guy.

[Colm Turrell]

Why wouldn't it be you?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh yeah, what's the.

[Naim Ali]

Do you fight delivery guys sometimes?

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I'm trying to understand the story. Hold on. I. I almost want my delivery guy after he gave me someone else's order. The order was much bigger than mine and I refused to return it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He wanted to take it back, I guess.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, so I, I see what's going on. All right, so you got the wrong order, but it was a bigger order. So you refuse.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, so you. So they kept the bigger order. Give me that back.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, now I think it's.

[Jim Florentine]

How do you notice? How do you notice so easy?

[Colm Turrell]

I think it's Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Still.

[Naim Ali]

Come on. Yeah, I mean, what in all honesty, if they give you the wrong order, that's their fault. It's not your fault.

[Colm Turrell]

I'm on your side, that's all I'm saying.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm throwing it up there, dude, instinct of.

[Naim Ali]

Doesn't mean it's me. It's not me. I'm just saying.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Doesn't mean it's a point.

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah. Cuz you wouldn't do something like that.

[Naim Ali]

I would never do that. I would never do that. But if I did do that, I wouldn't be wrong. That's not stealing.

[Big J Okerson]

So, I mean. I mean, Naeem, we did a road gig once, and on the way, this is where me and Naim are very much alike.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Always ready to fight an Asian.

[Big J Okerson]

Always ready to fight anybody but Naim, like, there was, like, a homeless guy, like, that came up to the car, and it was just, like. Just talking shit. And Naim started talking shit back, and it escalated to the point where Naim got out of the car to fight this homeless guy, and it was almost like, why? Like, there's no reason for ever to get there, and I get. Cause I'm the same type of guy, and it takes that type, and this is not me. So it takes this type of guy to do this. And I think that's why I'm voting for Naim Ali.

[Naim Ali]

It was. Well, actually, the homeless guy was trying to wash your windows, bro. He didn't even ask first. He just started touching the window like, yo, get the fuck out the car.

[Jim Florentine]

What are you doing?

[Colm Turrell]

Get your homeless hands off the window.

[Naim Ali]

You don't touch the fucking car, bro.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I respect your homeless hands off the.

[Colm Turrell]

I think I might go Naim too, after that.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, you guys are idiots.

[Jim Florentine]

After that, you could vote for yourself if you want. N. No, you can't. You can't.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, Comptroller votes for Naim Ali.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It could be column.

[Naim Ali]

It's column, bro.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Could be because he was being.

[Naim Ali]

You know, he was being too quiet this time.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Noise, noise.

[Big J Okerson]

All of her answers are in Alex.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

Story number three belongs to column Turtle.

[Big J Okerson]

Come on.

[Colm Turrell]

What did you get? All right, I'm off the field. Yes.

[Naim Ali]

I told you.

[Jim Florentine]

I forgot about that Irish rage.

[Big J Okerson]

Was it an Asian delivery guy? Was it Asian food?

[Colm Turrell]

It was both.

[Big J Okerson]

Both?

[Colm Turrell]

Yes, it was Chinese food. I ordered it to a bar that I used to work in, and then he showed up. He gave the wrong food, and then he left. And then it was like. As soon as I opened, I was like, this is much better than all of the food that I ordered. And then he came back. He realized nearly immediately he got to the bike, came back in, and I'm already munching down. And he was like. He couldn't even explain it because he didn't have the English. He just, like. He kept looking around the room for, like, an answer, and it wasn't coming. I mean, I'm eating the shrimp, buddy. I'm enjoying the shrimp. And that's. And then. But, yeah, we kind of got aggressive with each other. But then I rang them and just said, listen, I already started eating the food. And they're like.

[Big J Okerson]

They just.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They.

[Colm Turrell]

They fired him and sent them back to.

[Big J Okerson]

Great story. Alex, we points out.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

All right. Tied for fourth place with two points each, Naim Ali and Jim Florentine. Tied for second place with three points each, louis j. Go, louis j. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

And.

[Colm Turrell]

Yeah, Louis, you suck.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

And in the lead with four points, Big J Okerson.

[Big J Okerson]

Very close to anybody's game. Three stories there.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Absolutely anybody's game. Everyone's in the Hunt for the Nightingale by Kristin Hanna, which is a novel that focuses on courage, survival, and the different ways ordinary people respond when their world collapses. Dramatically different responses to World War II form the central conflict of the story. Hannah blends historical detail with deeply personal emotion, creating a story that feels both intimate and sweeping.

[Colm Turrell]

Yes, it's mine.

[Naim Ali]

No, I need this book. I need it.

[Colm Turrell]

I got my eyes on it.

[Naim Ali]

I need this book by Kristin Hannah. Is she a Jew?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Odds are, yeah. I feel yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, story number four. Is that you?

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

Story number four. I went to get a happy ending at an Asian massage parlor, and they kicked me out because they thought I was an undercover cop.

[Colm Turrell]

I think Naim.

[Naim Ali]

Nope. You know, it ain't me.

[Colm Turrell]

Yeah, obviously.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm thinking this is Jim. Or column.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, this is Jim. This is Jim.

[Colm Turrell]

This stinks of Jim.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, this is Jim.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't know, but I think he's a cop.

[Colm Turrell]

And I know Jim. I'm aware of him. I'm a fan of his. And I still. I'm still not sure.

[Big J Okerson]

Can I say you there, you can tell them you're an undercover cop after they jerk you off and get your money back. That's just a little side note. A little, Little easy scam that you can find.

[Colm Turrell]

Ah, the Puerto Rican yo yo and.

[Naim Ali]

A Puerto Rican yo yo.

[Colm Turrell]

They warn you. They do watch out for a Puerto Rican yo yo.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You notice they thought you were an undercover cop.

[Naim Ali]

Looks like a cop to me up here.

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah. But then I'm thinking, like, Big J. They would hire him as an undercover cop. So he definitely doesn't look like a cop.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, true.

[Jim Florentine]

So guys like that you're seated on the.

[Big J Okerson]

Big J is not a cop. Big J cannot fast pass the physical fitness test to become a cop.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That is upsettingly true. He's right. I think you have to climb a wall on a rope.

[Naim Ali]

And, you know, again, you know, it's not me for two reasons. Don't like a cop. Second reason. Never letting a Chinese touch me, bruh. Never.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It does seem to be, like, your thing. That's like your one thing for sure.

[Naim Ali]

Mm mm. Never.

[Colm Turrell]

Not now, by the way.

[Big J Okerson]

I know we're supposed to, but I know Naim, and I really believe him.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Naim Ali]

I'm so serious. Sure, nigga. I hate paying for the food. You think I'm gonna let it? You think I'm gonna pay the bitch to beat my dick? Fuck no. I'm not paying him to touch me. Hell no, bruh.

[Jim Florentine]

See, this sounds like someone that maybe like someone that lived in the city with all the massage parlors around the corner. Queens column used to live in queen Queens.

[Colm Turrell]

You keep shooting out this Brooklyn.

[Jim Florentine]

You know the city.

[Colm Turrell]

So the rubber tugs are in every nook and cranny of this country. I tell you, I've been around. They're everywhere. So that's not. That's not. Make it a New York thing.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Colm Turrell]

Roadmaps.com.

[Naim Ali]

This is already. I'm locked in.

[Jim Florentine]

I don't think it's Lewish.

[Colm Turrell]

I think it could be, but it could be any one of these guys.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sure.

[Naim Ali]

No, it's definitely a white guy. It's one of you three.

[Colm Turrell]

Jim's got more cup face than. I don't think Lewis ever.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay's not a big robin tug guy.

[Jim Florentine]

No, not even.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I was younger. I went a couple times.

[Big J Okerson]

You went a few times.

[Colm Turrell]

I think it could be J or G. But Jim knows how to talk.

[Jim Florentine]

What?

[Colm Turrell]

Knows how to talk, Adam.

[Jim Florentine]

What's that? Lewis?

[Big J Okerson]

You. You have, you know, your younger years in Undercover cop look, you have that vibe.

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah, but you also had that mustache. And that's like an undercover cop thing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You know what I mean?

[Jim Florentine]

When you have the mustache, that's a giveaway.

[Big J Okerson]

I will say 95 of New York undercover cops are Puerto Rican.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, that's true. Damn.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Could this be Lewis?

[Colm Turrell]

It could be Louis, but there was.

[Naim Ali]

A TV show called New York Undercover with a Puerto Rican cup.

[Colm Turrell]

It could be.

[Naim Ali]

It could be Lewis.

[Colm Turrell]

Yo, you think it's Jay? Is Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm putting my answer in. Jim Florentine is my answer. Yeah. Thank you.

[Colm Turrell]

Fuck it. If I'm wrong, I am gonna be mad. If I'm wrong about this, I'll be pretty mad. If I'm wrong.

[Naim Ali]

If it's Lewis, I'm a fucking jump off stage. If it's Lewis, I'm a kid. If it's Louis, I'm gonna kill myself on camera and ruin the show. And then what are you guys gonna put out?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's how I feel.

[Colm Turrell]

He's so happy.

[Naim Ali]

Dude, look at Louis. Look at him. No, no.

[Big J Okerson]

No. He's going to take the leaders Are in.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

Story number four belongs to Jim Florentine.

[Naim Ali]

Yes. Hell yeah.

[Colm Turrell]

Thank God.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Damn.

[Jim Florentine]

I couldn't convince you guys.

[Big J Okerson]

You.

[Colm Turrell]

You do look the most cop.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Like.

[Jim Florentine]

My brother got me a gift certificate to a happy ending place.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Get whacked off on me after I got divorced.

[Jim Florentine]

He said, felt bad. He goes, just go get jerked off. I got you 120 gift certificate. And I went there with the gift certificate and they thought I was a cop. And I'm like, I'm not. And they were arguing. No, we're not gonna take it. I'm like, they go, pull down your pants then let me see. Because if you're a cop, you can't show your dick. So then I'm like, wait a minute. This is weird. There's cameras everywhere. I'm not pulling my dick out like you pull it out.

[Big J Okerson]

You acted exactly how a co operative acting.

[Naim Ali]

No, I can't.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Whoa, hang on a second, lady. I don't know Mongoose. I don't know what the. You're trying to give me mongoose.

[Big J Okerson]

Jim, you walked away and they were like, he was definitely a cop.

[Colm Turrell]

Yeah, they all high five. Good job, girls.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Good snag.

[Jim Florentine]

So I gave the gifts to my friend and he went and got jerked off the next day. So it worked out all right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He looked like less of cop.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow. Alex, where are points at all, right?

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

In last place with two points, Jim Florentine.

[Colm Turrell]

Boo.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Boo.

[Colm Turrell]

Jim. So glad that wasn't Louis.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

In fourth place with four points, Naim Ali. Tied for second place with five points each, Luis J. Gomez and Colm Turrell, all.

[Colm Turrell]

Let's go Giants.

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah.

[Colm Turrell]

Let's go Giants. Let's go Giants.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Let's go.

[Naim Ali]

Out of here. Boo.

[Colm Turrell]

I'm not Boo. Boo.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Boo.

[Colm Turrell]

The only shit you can spell dumb.

[Jim Florentine]

Colin. We're talking Colin. We're talking professional football teams, so we don't put the Giants in that.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

And in the lead with six points, Big J Okerson.

[Colm Turrell]

Wow. The hometown hero.

[Big J Okerson]

We are halfway through the show. Let's do some plugs real quick. Jim, what are you plugging, my friend?

[Jim Florentine]

I got a podcast, everybody is awful comes out every Monday. And my new comedy special, you can't please them all on my YouTube channel, YouTube.com Jim Florentine comedy.

[Naim Ali]

Naim, Molly Durag and the Dare Tag. The best podcast on Earth.

[Big J Okerson]

Hell, yeah.

[Naim Ali]

Sign up for the Patreon so I can quit my job.

[Big J Okerson]

Please.

[Naim Ali]

I hate going to work every day.

[Big J Okerson]

Please, please, please. And true.

[Naim Ali]

That podcast with me and Zia Anderson. The best true crime podcast out here. Subscribe to Gas Digital.

[Big J Okerson]

Hell yeah. Colm Tyrrell.

[Colm Turrell]

Check out my podcast cockfight. You can come see me on the road columturl.com and then check out my YouTube channel. I'm gonna be releasing a special there soon. YouTube Columtirl.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Big J, BigJay comedy.com for all my dates New Year's Eve weekend, including New Year's Eve. I'll be in Milwaukee. Improv. So it's gonna be fun. Only my second time there. Coming to a city near you, I'm everywhere. So check it out over at my website, bigjaycomedy.com of course, listen to the Bonfire five days a week faction talk series XM103 with me and the great Robert Kelly. And of course the flagship show over here a Gas Digital, the Legion of Motherfucking Skanks.

[Big J Okerson]

Go to my website LewisOfSkangs.com, come see me on tour New Year's Eve. Me and Zach Amico are doing some live stand up shows in Columbus, Ohio. Plus a live podcast Realized podcast, which by the way has officially returned. We've returned one day a week, Monday afternoons, Mondays at 4pm Eastern on gas Digital. Make sure you check us out. And then on also all my other podcasts, the Regs Legion of Skanks, my solo podcast. Make sure you subscribe to my mailing list, pre order my book Knives and Spoons right now. Get me on the New York Times bestseller list. It's the most thing ever. Guys, right now, go to Amazon, pre order Knives and Spoons. How funny is that? You don't even gotta read. Just order it. It's so funny right now. Knives and Spoons on Amazon.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You read it. It's fucking 37 pages.

[Big J Okerson]

It's in 34 point fun.

[Colm Turrell]

What do I push your art? You don't even have to read it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, check out my I got a new special on my YouTube channel. So go subscribe to my YouTube channel. And yeah, make sure you subscribe to Gas Digital. If you love this show, we do an uncensored ad free version of the show. Plus an on demand library. There's like 30 episodes of Story wars that you can't get anywhere else. Plus thousands of hours of other amazing podcasts. Gas digital.com use the promo code war and save a couple bucks a month. Now we're halfway through. Jay, it's a very close game. I'll tell you right now. Truly anybody's game. But let them know the difference.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, Jim, you might be feeling pretty bad about yourself. Right now, like, you're out of this with sitting there with two points. But this can turn around an instant where you could take a big lead, because for the final four stories, we go double points. Yeah, it's pretty. It's a pretty simple concept. It's a pretty simple concept before is if you fooled somebody, you got one point. If you guessed the right person, you got two points. That now bumps up to double points. Lewis is gonna develop such a short patience with that, sir.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm gonna have you removed.

[Colm Turrell]

Right to your face. He didn't. He didn't respect you at all.

[Big J Okerson]

He has no respect for my.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Ooh. Alex, break us off story number five.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

Story number five, an uninsured Chinese man crashed into my car. I sued him for $30,000 and won.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, I would have heard about this whirlwind of cash story in Louis's life.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, so. Yeah, exactly. If Jay sued a Chinese person for $30,000, that's all it's all talk about or 8 billion yen. I would have heard about this. I would have heard about it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

See, I think Jay and. And Lewis would know if each other did, that you guys were friends.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

$30,000. There's that. We've just known each other for long enough that if. If any of us got $30,000 at once, we'd be like, hey, guys, maybe it was great news. I'm wealthy.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. If column Turl had gotten $30,000 at one point, he would.

[Colm Turrell]

I wouldn't be here right now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sitting pretty, dude, he'd be on top of the Beverly Hills Hilton.

[Colm Turrell]

I'd be at the Ritz.

[Naim Ali]

Damn.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But this could be a story that Naim's telling for the first time. He's been hiding it from his greedy ass cousins his whole life. He's had that shit under a fucking under a mattress for seven years.

[Big J Okerson]

What? I will say every black person I know does have a lawsuit that is either pending or that they won.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, Louis, is because their lawyer get money until they make money for them.

[Naim Ali]

Nah, nigga, I don't know how to sue. What the. You. How you even do that?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You know, you turn that over to the Jews from the 800 number. You just gotta dial a number.

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They make it simple.

[Colm Turrell]

You're the only Jew here, Jay.

[Naim Ali]

This is a Jewish thing.

[Colm Turrell]

This is a Jewish thing, and you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Are the Jew I've never seen.

[Colm Turrell]

Sorry.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He's not wrong.

[Colm Turrell]

Am I telling you something you don't already know or.

[Naim Ali]

It's an older white man thing. You see what I'M saying it could.

[Colm Turrell]

Be an older one, it could be recent Lewis. This could be a recent thing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Naim Ali]

Lewis is very responsible now.

[Colm Turrell]

This could be a brand new Lewis.

[Naim Ali]

And he gets in a bunch of car accidents every week.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Every week.

[Colm Turrell]

Chinese men are scared of him.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Louis is constantly in car accidents. And here's the thing. $30,000 isn't an amount of money that I would like hold. Holy shit. Like, I can't believe Lewis got that if it was in the last couple years. So I may have just forgotten that. So now I don't feel strong saying it's definitely not Louis.

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah, but he would have thought.

[Big J Okerson]

That's right. Dropping the bucket for Gomez.

[Colm Turrell]

Holy. I never even cashed it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's been a whirlwind up and down since you sunk all of it into bitcoin. And every day live in tears or. Or taunting all of us like we made a mistake. And then the next day crying again. I don't have time for it. I think that I'm going to write Lewis, but I'm not putting it in yet.

[Naim Ali]

I think.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you don't think?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I do. It might be, you know, I think it's.

[Colm Turrell]

I think it could be recent.

[Naim Ali]

I think it's J. And this is all racism because he's Jewish.

[Colm Turrell]

Jewish, yes. You gotta, you gotta overcome that, bro.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, it might be. It might be Naim.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I'm telling you right now, I'm sticking with my instincts. Every black person I've ever met in my entire life has a lawsuit.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm going.

[Jim Florentine]

Or.

[Big J Okerson]

Or will have a lawsuit. This is.

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah, you're right. You're right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Lewis or Naen.

[Big J Okerson]

No, stop it. You don't think it's me? You guys don't think.

[Naim Ali]

Don't crash no goddamn cars. What y' about all talking. Talking about I'm a great crash.

[Big J Okerson]

Crash into your car though.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

So if he sued for 30,000, what you got 10,000, cuz they took two thirds.

[Naim Ali]

Damn. That's how that work?

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah, that's how it works, Alex.

[Big J Okerson]

All of our answers are in five stories down.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

Story number five belongs to Naim Ali.

[Naim Ali]

Goddamn right. Hell yeah. That was me, bruh.

[Colm Turrell]

And you. And you went anti Semitic with it.

[Naim Ali]

I did. I had to.

[Jim Florentine]

So what'd you clear that the 30,000? Like 10?

[Naim Ali]

No, I got. I think I got like 15. Cause I owed the IRS money and then the lawyer took a huge chunk of it. So yeah, I think I got like between 10 or 15,000 and I bought a car, then I blew the rest in the strip club.

[Big J Okerson]

What happened with the Chinese guy?

[Naim Ali]

I don't know. What the fuck? I almost killed that motherfucker. My son was in the car when he hit me. Like, he blew through a stop sign and crashed into me. And then he pinned my car up against a pole. And then I got out and gripped him up. And it was this white guy that, like, owned the pharmacy on the corner. And he got like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He was like, oh, wait.

[Naim Ali]

He was like, don't hurt him because the cops are gonna arrest you. You're gonna get money for this. And I was like, all right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh.

[Naim Ali]

And then he gave me his lawyer. He told me he gave me his lawyer's number. And then, boom.

[Colm Turrell]

Jewish guy disappeared.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I thought it was gonna be better.

[Naim Ali]

And it's also ruined my marriage because I went. As I said, I blew the rest in the strip club. And then one day, I came home from the strip club and my pants was on backwards, and my wife started punching me in my face immediately.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Why you tell her you went to a crisscross concert? Oh, no, babe. The Mack dad made me jump.

[Big J Okerson]

Jump. Alex.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Uh huh huh.

[Big J Okerson]

Five stories down, where are our points at?

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

In last place with five points, Colum Turrell.

[Big J Okerson]

Boo. Boo.

[Colm Turrell]

I got you right where I want you.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

Tied for third place with six points each, Big J Okerson and Jim Florentine.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Just like that.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

In second place with eight points, Naim Ali. And in the lead with nine points, Louis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

The eagles.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, boo.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck the eagles.

[Naim Ali]

Get the fuck out of here.

[Big J Okerson]

Are they still in it for the super bowl?

[Colm Turrell]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

What? They play tomorrow? I hope.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I hope they play Friday.

[Big J Okerson]

I hope they fucking. Who are they playing Friday?

[Jim Florentine]

The bears. Bears.

[Naim Ali]

Chicago bears.

[Big J Okerson]

Chicago bears. Chicago bears.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Chicago bears.

[Big J Okerson]

Chicago. The bears. Bears. The bears.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Give me a c.

[Colm Turrell]

Give me a h.

[Naim Ali]

Let's go.

[Big J Okerson]

R, e, t, a r, d, s. Retards.

[Colm Turrell]

You got it.

[Big J Okerson]

The bears.

[Jim Florentine]

Ah, that's great.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, let's take a quick moment and thank Aura Frames for supporting today's show. We love Aura Frames. Such a great gift this holiday season. I feel like they frame it for. Frame it, get it for, like, your mom or your grandma or whatever, but this is actually for anybody because nobody's printing out pictures. The frame is very simple. Right. It's a beautiful frame. You can preload or you can just send new pictures to it anytime you want. So if you want to give amazing pictures throughout your year to that loved one in your family, this is a really, really great gift. And they can display it. You can literally preload it with everything so Christmas, when your mom or your sister, whoever, opens up their frame, they have all of the pictures already preloaded in the frame.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You could do something like that to your friends. For a limited time. You could save on the perfect gift by visiting rframes.com to get $35 off their bestselling carver mat frame named number one by wire cutter by using Promo code Wars at checkout. W A R Z at checkout. They also have several different options for the frames. You don't have to get that one, but the carver mat is dope. That's the one that I have. It's R A U R A frames.com promo code wars with a Z. This deal is exclusive to Story wars fans and frames sell out fast. So order is yours now to get it in time for the holidays, support the show by mentioning Story wars at checkout. Hey, real quick, let's talk about one of our awesome sponsors over here at Story wars, and that is Brunt Workwear. Oh, my God, these boots. I see everybody. Lewis, you wear yours. Bobby Kelly wears his. I wear mine when I go out in the snow. Now, they are very, very comfy and extremely durable. They're very high performance.

[Big J Okerson]

They look incredible, but they feel like an old pair of broken in sneakers. I bullshit you not that I, I'm not lying when I say this. I exclusively wear my Brunt workwear boots all winter long. They're fucking incredible.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. They have a full range of high performance gear for heavy duty work pants to weather resistant jackets. No matter what the job demands, Brunt has you covered.

[Big J Okerson]

Temperatures are dropping and the holidays are coming up and it's time to treat that hardworking man in your life to real comfort. This is a great, great gift for the holiday season. Skip the throwaway gifts and give them something that is built to last, which is Brunt Workwear. Story wars fans are getting 10 dol entire order today with Code Wars W A R Z at [e-mail] b r u n t workwear.com use that promo code wars with a Z and save 10 bucks. Get that man in your life the perfect pair of boots this holiday season. Okay, let's take a quick moment, Story warriors, and talk about our brand new sponsor, which is AG1 Next Gen. It is a daily health drink that is clinically shown to support your gut health, which is truly important. I'll tell you right now, do a little bit of research on this. Gut health is sort of I, I the the start of everything. If you have good gut health that is truly a great sign that you are healthy. And AG1 combines your multivitamin, prebiotics, probiotics, and antioxidants into one simple green scoop. Genuinely tastes great. Makes you feel really, really great. As I'm getting older, my gut health is something that my doctor constantly talks to me about, and this is a great way to make sure that your gut is in check.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Available in four great flavors. Citrus, Berry, Tropical, and Ag One's original flavor. Just scoop and add it to 8-12oz of water, mix it up, you're good to go. And right now, they have their best offer ever. If you go to drinkag1.com wars with a Z, you'll get the welcome kit, which is a morning person hat, a bottle of vitamin D3 plus K2, and an AG1 flavor sampler. And you'll even get to try their new sleep supplement, agz for free. It'll be a game changer for your nightly routine. That's drinkag1.com wars for $126 in free gifts for new subscribers. Ag1.com wars all right, let's get back into it.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex. Story number six.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

Story number six. I got suspended from school for a day for slanting my eyes with my fingers to make fun of an Asian kid.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Now, this could be Naim. This.

[Jim Florentine]

This could be any five of them bus. It could all degenerate.

[Naim Ali]

Yo, we literally all have done this before. Everybody in this room has done this before.

[Jim Florentine]

I. I just did it to the parking attendant.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, right. Look, it's one Chinese in the back right now trying to squeeze his eyes the other way. He like, oh, no. He like. They figured me out. Oh, no Chinese. I saw you.

[Big J Okerson]

Huh?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think it's Naim.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

Oh, why.

[Naim Ali]

Why does it got to be me? We all done it. Why you got to say me?

[Colm Turrell]

Cuz you're proud of it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You.

[Colm Turrell]

You're wearing it like a badge of honor.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We, the rest of us, live in shame.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I mean, I don't. I don't think it's common. I mean, how many Asian kids did you have in school column in. In Ireland?

[Colm Turrell]

I don't think we had any.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Yeah, I would believe that. That.

[Big J Okerson]

I also know we had a couple of black.

[Colm Turrell]

Couple of black kids and a Russian.

[Big J Okerson]

Did they suspend you in Ireland or what are they doing?

[Colm Turrell]

They're doing that. No. They taught you how to do that. The teachers would show you.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, I'm assuming. I'm assuming the nuns would, like, hit you with a ruler. There was no suspensions.

[Colm Turrell]

I Wish. Yeah, the priest raped me, yo.

[Naim Ali]

Damn.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

By the way, that's not a heavy. That's a light suspension.

[Colm Turrell]

That's a. Yeah, sorry, Sorry to bring it up.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like this makes me think.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It could be a different time.

[Big J Okerson]

Florentine and Jewel Florentine and Jay are a little bit older. I feel like that's not gonna. You're gonna be suspended for slanting your eyes. That was like par for the course, late 70s or whatever it was when you guys.

[Jim Florentine]

And then column, you know, maybe there was a couple Asians in a school. So they definitely went after him because it was so it was a new.

[Colm Turrell]

It was a newfound.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, they were gonna probably nuke us, so maybe.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah. Now I don't know who it is. It's not me for sure because I went to schools where you would never get suspended for that. You had to like, you had to stab somebody to get suspended at the schools I went to.

[Colm Turrell]

This is an American thing. This is like, this is just as like when you came for Shane with snl. This is, this is a common thing that you guys do. White guys having fun. Next thing you know, oh, could be Jim.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Interesting.

[Colm Turrell]

Could be anyone here.

[Big J Okerson]

Jim Florentine. I, I think he's a little older for this. But you know what? I feel like Jim also went to school in the suburbs. Nice people. This is it. Jim Florentine.

[Jim Florentine]

Well, I went to Catholic schools. There wasn't a lot of Asians in the Catholic school, so.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But that one really hated the way you ding dong them. Oh, this is cathrick school. School say Catholic.

[Jim Florentine]

I, I'm gonna go with column. I think that over in Ireland, he was up to no good. Possible they had different rules over there because they wouldn't suspend you here just, just for doing that. So I'm thinking maybe over there. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Disgusting animals, all of them. The Irish man.

[Naim Ali]

I'm so confused right now. You know what?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What?

[Naim Ali]

Wild card. That's a good one O this what we doing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I'mma go wild. I didn't do.

[Naim Ali]

That's what we doing.

[Big J Okerson]

We are all over the board right now. We have no idea whose story this is. It's.

[Colm Turrell]

It's too relatable.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, it is. Everybody's done it.

[Colm Turrell]

You might as well have said, I, I, I saw an Asian guy. I, I've heard of Asia. Like it could not be more.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex. All of our answers are in six stories down.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

Story number six belongs to Jim Florentine.

[Naim Ali]

I should have went with the obvious.

[Big J Okerson]

Damn.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

I know.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck. Fuck Florentine. What Happened here. How old were you?

[Jim Florentine]

It was sixth grade, so I was like 12. And there was like one Asian kid in the school. And I did that. And they fucking flipped out over at the. They didn't like my son. My father tried to defend me. He's like, but that's funny. I remember him saying that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it is.

[Colm Turrell]

Let me see how he did.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Is early 80s.

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah. Like. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

That's early 80s.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Far for the course.

[Big J Okerson]

Can you show us exactly what you did?

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah. Which, for the record, is still funny.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's Korea. Kills.

[Naim Ali]

That kills so hard.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's Korean. As long as you acknowledge the right one is Korean.

[Big J Okerson]

Six stories down. Alex, where are our points at?

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

All right. In last place with five points, Colm Turrell.

[Colm Turrell]

Honest A.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

In fourth place with eight points, Naim Ali.

[Naim Ali]

I don't like it. I should be second.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

Tied for second place with 10 points each, big J Okerson and Jim Florentine. And in the lead with 13 points, Lewis J. Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Heel turn.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck the Liberty Bell.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Heel turn.

[Big J Okerson]

It deserves the crack that it has in it. Fuck that bell. Bitch. That's right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Discovered electricity and cornrows.

[Big J Okerson]

That's right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And Wawa.

[Jim Florentine]

Lois. What about the Phillies? What about the Phillies?

[Big J Okerson]

They're not bad. Alex. Story number seven.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

Story number seven. I was recently accused of being racist by an Asian person. She wasn't exactly wong.

[Naim Ali]

That's column. That's a column joke.

[Jim Florentine]

That's one of my jokes. That sounds like Mark Norman.

[Colm Turrell]

That's like a picture puppet would fucking say that's one of my jokes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's. To me, that's.

[Colm Turrell]

Your jokes are Asian. Asian men. All Asian men are gay. Why you look like that? That's one of your jokes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, here's the thing. I thought it was you right away, but I will say I was almost playing the numbers, I guess in my head because really this is something that Lewis would stupidly enjoy himself saying.

[Big J Okerson]

I would.

[Colm Turrell]

He's been.

[Jim Florentine]

He's been fucking.

[Big J Okerson]

You guys have been watching Story wars recently. You realize that Big J has been doing silly funny things lately. This is straight up out of the Big J. Whoever. I hate it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I move far away from Asians. No one accused me of being racist.

[Big J Okerson]

It's also not true.

[Jim Florentine]

Being racist. Now Jay works the crowd at his shows so an Asian woman could definitely think you were racist. So I'm thinking it's you.

[Big J Okerson]

Didn't you have a story recently specifically about a woman in the crowd who was Asian who accused you of being racist?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No.

[Colm Turrell]

Was she Wong?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Did you just tell this Exact story. No.

[Jim Florentine]

Why would I have done that?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And I hit the same punch. Wong. She wasn't exactly Wong. Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

You 100% had a story recently at the stand of about an Asian chick getting upset at a show. I don't know.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You might be talking about me yelling at and I'm sorry. Naim. Black women at the dmv.

[Colm Turrell]

You don't wanna go.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, apologize to me. I'm not a black bitch bro. I'm a know.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I know they were terrible so I had it out with them.

[Big J Okerson]

But forget. Forget.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I haven't fallen at Asians old land.

[Colm Turrell]

One of you two for sure.

[Jim Florentine]

Exactly.

[Big J Okerson]

The fact that. That it's a joke.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The fact that recently also is a big thing. Like. Like I. You know. My beefs with Asians go way back.

[Jim Florentine]

Lois.

[Big J Okerson]

Would Jay. Jay has Kobe beef with Asians.

[Jim Florentine]

Would Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

And Turkey.

[Naim Ali]

Damn.

[Jim Florentine]

Lewis. Would Jay go. She wasn't exactly Wong. Would he do that?

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like Jay would. This is the thing. I feel like lately he's been doing silly little jokes in the stories.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What do you think I'm morphing into an old drunk uncle?

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. You love. This is your dumb.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah man.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is you. You like this? She wasn't exactly Wong. Folks.

[Jim Florentine]

Right.

[Colm Turrell]

Folks.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay is. Jay is playing it up right now to make it look like it's me.

[Colm Turrell]

It's one of you.

[Big J Okerson]

Naim. Naim.

[Naim Ali]

It's you. Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't name. Don't waste your vote. Naim. No name.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Come on. He's freaking out. He's freaking out.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Naim. No no no, no.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's locked in.

[Naim Ali]

It's Lewis. It's Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I swore. I swore your vows to your beloved.

[Naim Ali]

Are you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What do you want?

[Colm Turrell]

Am I changing them?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You can.

[Naim Ali]

That's the type of humor you're gonna find.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't know that.

[Colm Turrell]

It's Louis Gas Digital.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't know. It's Lewis. I know it ain't me.

[Big J Okerson]

Calm. I'm telling you right now. It's not me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You swear?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I swear to God. I promise you it's not me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He's done this.

[Naim Ali]

He swear to God he would never prom.

[Big J Okerson]

Why would you write me?

[Naim Ali]

Obviously I would never say no like that.

[Colm Turrell]

Yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah.

[Naim Ali]

My brain don't even work in corny words.

[Colm Turrell]

Who should I vote for? This is hard.

[Naim Ali]

Lewis is Lewis.

[Colm Turrell]

He's promised. He promised me. He promised right to my faith.

[Naim Ali]

N. He swore to God he would never do it. No. It's Big J. Cuz he swore to.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

God he doesn't care About God?

[Naim Ali]

You think he cares about God?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Are you kidding? You didn't mean that.

[Colm Turrell]

You think he don't care about.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He swore on his son and looked at us in the face and lied.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God. Yo.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yo, alex, you bastards.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

Story number seven belongs to louis j. Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck all of you. You pieces of shit.

[Jim Florentine]

Damn.

[Big J Okerson]

This was the deli right next to Gas Digital, the best sandwiches in the East Village. It's owned by Asians. And I got into an argument with a girl behind the counter over, like, just some dumb shit. Like, she wanted to charge my credit card for, like, a bag. And she wouldn't. It didn't require them. It didn't meet the minimum requirement. So then we started arguing back and forth. She's like, you're just racist. And then I started calling her racist. Then she started yelling that I was racist. And they were just both yelling at each other that we were racist. And then I then started knocking all the candy and cookies off the counter. And then I got banned from the deli, and now I can't go there again.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She wasn't Wong.

[Big J Okerson]

She wasn't Wong because I won't. Was being a little racist.

[Colm Turrell]

She wasn't. Exactly wasn't.

[Naim Ali]

Bro. You've been hanging with Zack amigo too much. You hanging with Zach too much.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You swore.

[Colm Turrell]

You swore right to my face.

[Big J Okerson]

I swore right to your face.

[Naim Ali]

That's crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

Come. I want to win. I want to win.

[Naim Ali]

He swore to God. Yo, you risk going to hell for that. That's nuts.

[Jim Florentine]

Lewis had me convinced it was Big J. I'm like, it might pay. He sold a good.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, where are our points at seven stories the down.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

All right. In last place with nine points, column.

[Colm Turrell]

Terrell, the people's champion. The people's champion.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

In fourth place with 12 points, Naim Ali.

[Big J Okerson]

What the.

[Naim Ali]

What's wrong with this guy? I don't know. Don't wipe it up now.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

In third place with 13 points, Luis J. Gomez.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck. What else do you guys have? Ravens. The Ravens. Is that real? No. Raven, like the ECW wrestlers.

[Jim Florentine]

About this.

[Big J Okerson]

How do you feel about.

[Naim Ali]

Does this hurt your feelings?

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

And tied for first place with 14 points each. Big J Okerson and Jim Florentine.

[Big J Okerson]

Are you sure it is.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Couple of old dogs. Couple old dogs.

[Big J Okerson]

Anybody's game. One more story. Are you guys having a good time tonight? This is it, folks. Story number eight.

[Jim Florentine]

God.

[Colm Turrell]

Instinct got into.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

Think Story number eight. One of the few Asians that I hooked up with for free had the inside of her on the outside.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh.

[Naim Ali]

What the bro. Jesus Christ. Can I draw that animal?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Can I draw a picture of that?

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I know 100. Who.

[Jim Florentine]

This is for free, though.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

Inside of.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The whole conversation.

[Big J Okerson]

No. Yeah, I'll let you guys decide. I want to win.

[Colm Turrell]

I feel like I'm not gonna give.

[Big J Okerson]

You guys who I think I know.

[Naim Ali]

You gotta say something, Louis. You know who it is? Who is it?

[Big J Okerson]

I mean. All right, fine. You know what? I'll play the game. I'll play the game. It is 150,000% big J Okerson.

[Colm Turrell]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

This is. This is the Big J Okerson language. The inside of her asshole on the outside. Big J has hooked up with a handful of Asians. Most of the time he's paid, there's only been a handful, maybe one or two, that's not been paid for. This is a big J story.

[Jim Florentine]

And Big J's in the ass play.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

So he would see the asshole.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, the language right there. The inside of her asshole on the outside. I mean, is there anything more of.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

A fantastically hilarious language?

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The word economy is mind blowing. But, guys, you're barking up the wrong tree.

[Colm Turrell]

What would that even look like? What would that even.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think I can draw it from what it says, though.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, yeah, it's Jay. It's definitely Jaden. Yes.

[Colm Turrell]

Was like, hangs. Hangs out. Like a sock or something. You're wasting your vote.

[Jim Florentine]

You might.

[Colm Turrell]

What do you think? Because I'm trying to figure out if it's Jay or.

[Naim Ali]

Would you fuck somebody if they asshole was hanging out? I'm not doing that, bro.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I wouldn't know.

[Colm Turrell]

Does she think I'm funny?

[Jim Florentine]

Is that Wong? If I do it.

[Naim Ali]

That is Wong.

[Colm Turrell]

Great joke, Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

That was funny. I believe it's Big.

[Colm Turrell]

You don't think it's you, J?

[Big J Okerson]

I'll lock it in right now. I believe it's big.

[Colm Turrell]

Swears it's you, Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Colm Turrell]

You don't think it's U.J.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't believe it is.

[Colm Turrell]

You don't want to convince us otherwise.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone thinks it's Big J.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Look at this, right?

[Naim Ali]

The writing is great.

[Colm Turrell]

Did you go J too?

[Naim Ali]

I went J. Yeah.

[Colm Turrell]

Oh, I don't know. I think I'm going gym on this one.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Jay, sometimes you gotta. You're a victim. You're a victim of your own be.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I wish it was you again, but I don't think it's you again in a row.

[Jim Florentine]

Jay, lie to Colum's face and say it's not you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Naim Ali]

Swear to God.

[Big J Okerson]

J. J, You. You officiated his wedding. Look him right in the face.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, no, no, it's not me. I swear.

[Colm Turrell]

Swear on my dumb wife's life.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I swear on your lovely wife's life.

[Jim Florentine]

All right.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, damn.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Naim Ali]

Well, now if I'm looking, she'll drop dead.

[Colm Turrell]

Take my wife, please.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Come on.

[Colm Turrell]

Years. Come on.

[Naim Ali]

I don't know who it is now. He just swore, bro.

[Colm Turrell]

I don't know. I'm gonna go.

[Naim Ali]

Jim, we're so dumb. All you got to do is swear. And everybody's like, I believe you. That's dumb as I know. Why the do we believe people swear? That makes no sense. It's just words.

[Jim Florentine]

You can't.

[Colm Turrell]

I'm going gym.

[Big J Okerson]

BJ feels bad that he swore your wife's life.

[Colm Turrell]

He did.

[Big J Okerson]

It's bumping him out, dude.

[Colm Turrell]

And he said lovely wife.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, whose story was that? Big J's bummed out that he swore your dumb wife's life. Cuz he wants to win, but not that bad.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

Alex, final story belongs to Big J. Okerson.

[Colm Turrell]

My wife means nothing to you.

[Naim Ali]

That's up.

[Colm Turrell]

That's crazy. She's gonna be mad. She's gonna be upset.

[Jim Florentine]

Two of your friends lied to you. Right to your face.

[Big J Okerson]

You officiated their wedding, you piece of shit.

[Colm Turrell]

It's like you guys care about nothing. You have no honor in this game.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, anyway. Jay, tell the story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Huh? Oh, yeah, sorry. I feel terrible. Who? I met an Asian girl at a bar in the East Village and I brought her back home and I went to eat her from behind. And. And then I was.

[Big J Okerson]

Which for Asian is technically from the front, if you understand the way, because.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They'Re underneath of us. And, yeah, her. I noticed a little discoloration, I thought, in her asshole. And then upon further noticing, it was the. The full cherry blossom. I don't know what you call it. Whatever it was, there was like several. Several circle shaped things. It looked like a clog of bubble tea. Like if five bubbles got stuck in the straw trying to get in the straw at once. What?

[Naim Ali]

That's fucking gross.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I know, but it's a storytelling show. I'm very vivid.

[Jim Florentine]

Did you stop when you saw it?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, over done. Yeah. Excuse me.

[Naim Ali]

Did you tell her she had a tail growing out her ass?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I didn't, I didn't, I didn't. I was. Yeah, I just wrapped it up now. It was so. It looked like there might be something wrong. Jesus.

[Naim Ali]

Oh, I'm sure you didn't want to sit down on that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I know. She was thin too. It must have. I feel like. I feel like if she sat down, it would have come out of her butt cheeks.

[Big J Okerson]

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She was. She was also completely anime. Before we give our final scores, can I tell you that we are about to find out who takes home the Nightingale? What makes it stand out is its powerful blend of tension, humanity and resilience. Hannah's writing is vivid and immersive, capturing the cost of war not just on nations, but on families and individuals. Making the book's message linger long after it ends.

[Big J Okerson]

Eight stories down. What is our final scores? Alex?

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

Okay. In last place with nine points, Colm Turrell. Fox.

[Big J Okerson]

Good job, Colin.

[Colm Turrell]

He lied. He lied right to my face.

[Naim Ali]

Yeah, bro. Yo, stop trusting Americans, bro. We lie about everything.

[Big J Okerson]

What the.

[Colm Turrell]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, my heart hurts.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

Tied for third place with 16 points each. Big J. Okerson and Naim Ali.

[Big J Okerson]

The game.

[Naim Ali]

Never win this game.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Me either.

[Big J Okerson]

This sucks.

[Alex (Producer/Host)]

Second place tonight scored 17 points. And your winner with 18 points, Jim Florentine.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jim Florentine, you have join the elite ranks of the Story warriors, the quiet Assassin.

[Jim Florentine]

I what a comeback. I was in last place after four.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That was a fantastic comeback. Jimmy know now you get the. You get the privileges of being able to trigger off.

[Jim Florentine]

Double points. I. I felt like. I felt like my comeback is what the Bears are going to do to the Eagles on Friday.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Go bear it.

[Big J Okerson]

The Bears. The Bears.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, he was the Bears.

[Colm Turrell]

I think the real winners tonight at.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The Berkshire Dumb airs. Listen, crazy sports shit aside, how about a round of applause for your new Astoria warrior, Jim Florentine. Did you guys have fun tonight? Let's get a big round of applause for our entire panel column. Terrell Naim Ali. Once again, the great Jim Florentine. Your newest story warrior. Thank you guys for checking out Story Wars. I'm Big J Okerson.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm Louisiana. Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

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