Story Warz – Episode 072: "Asians"

December 19, 2025 | GaS Digital Network
Hosts: Big Jay Oakerson & Luis J. Gomez
Guests: Jim Florentine, Colum Tyrrell, Naim Ali
Theme: Live from The Stand Comedy Club, the comedians face off in a riotous, deceptive game of "Story Warz" where tonight's subject is “Asians.” The panel attempts to outwit each other, guessing whose (often outrageous) real-life stories belong to whom, while navigating themes of racial humor, cultural faux pas, and personal confessions.

Episode Overview

This episode features a Thanksgiving Eve showdown with Big Jay, Luis J. Gomez, Colum Tyrrell, Naim Ali, and Jim Florentine. The game: panelists submit stories about "Asians"—some shocking, some silly, some deeply personal or embarrassing. Each round, a story is read anonymously; the rest interrogate, tease, and sleuth to identify the author. Bonus points are up for grabs in later rounds, and brutal honesty (and dishonesty) rules the day.

Key Discussion Points, Stories, and Insights

1. Introduction & Game Explanation (01:00–07:39)

• What's Story Warz?
  • Each panelist submits multiple stories based on a given theme—in this case, "Asians."
  • One is read at random; the author must hide ownership while the rest must guess who wrote it—points awarded for misleading or identifying correctly.
• Prize: Tonight’s winner receives The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah.

2. Round-by-Round Story Breakdown

Story 1: "My daughter laughed uncontrollably at Asians." (08:05–14:49)

Story: A family member would laugh uncontrollably whenever Asians spoke their native language, leading to removals from laundromats/restaurants.

• Panel Banter:
  • Naim: “Only black people and Puerto Ricans go into laundromats.”
  • Big J: “Only blacks or Puerto Ricans would have the gumption to laugh uncontrollably at an Asian person simply speaking.”
  • Colum: Shares how Chinese people in Ireland put on accents for customers.
• (13:23) Reveal: It was Big Jay's story—about his daughter.
• Memorable quote:
  • "She just went, ‘What do Asian people even do?’—the most profound question I couldn't answer for her." — Big Jay (14:19)

Story 2: "Chasing down an Asian prostitute" (15:26–22:04)

Story: Got a prostitute (Asian) to the house; ended up chasing her down after she tried to leave.

• Panel Suspicion:
  • Naim: “I don't fuck no Chinese people. I would never do that. They smell like garlic.”
  • Jay: “My prostitute days were in apartments, not a house.”
  • Focus on who would have a “house” vs. “apartment.”
• (20:39) Reveal: It was Luis J. Gomez.
• Luis explains:
  • “I was on coke and couldn’t come. I got up and she tried to bolt.”
• Laughter ensues:
  • “Why would I chase her?—because she stole… Jim’s Aussie CDs!” — Jay (17:53)

Story 3: "Fighting an Asian food delivery guy" (25:31–30:24)

Story: Received someone else's much bigger order, refused to return it—almost fought the delivery guy.

• Guesses fly—everyone's done it?
  • Big J: “Takes a certain type of guy to do this, that’s why I’m voting for Naim.”
  • Naim: “It’s not me. But if I did do that, I wouldn’t be wrong.”
• (29:08) Reveal: It was Colum Tyrrell—from a bar gig.
• Colum shares:
  • “As soon as I opened it, I was like, this is much better than what I ordered. He came back, trying to take it—no chance, mate!”

Story 4: "Kicked out of a rub-and-tug for looking like a cop" (31:52–36:57)

Story: Went to an Asian massage parlor for a happy ending; got booted for being suspected as undercover cop.

• Strong suspicion: This is Jim’s territory.
• Jokes about how to tell if someone’s a cop.
• (35:39) Reveal: Jim Florentine owns up.
• Highlight:
  • “My brother gave me a gift certificate after my divorce. They said if I was a cop, I couldn’t show my dick!”
  • Ultimately gave the certificate to a friend who had no problem.

Story 5: "Sued an uninsured Chinese man for $30,000" (42:09–47:01)

Story: An uninsured Chinese driver crashes, author sues and wins $30K.

• Suspicion: Everyone insists they’d know if another on the panel came into that kind of money.
• Stereotypical riffing ensues on lawsuits and ethnicity.
• (45:54) Reveal: Naim Ali—true story.
• Naim explains:
  • Only got $10–15k after IRS and lawyer fees. “Bought a car and blew the rest in a strip club.”
  • Memorable: “My son was in the car when he hit me...almost killed that motherfucker.”

Story 6: "Suspended for the 'slanty eyes' gesture" (52:53–57:43)

Story: Got suspended from school for slanting eyes at an Asian kid.

• Universal admission: “Everybody’s done this.”
• Guesses range widely—could be any of the degenerates!
• (56:45) Reveal: Jim Florentine did it; he was 12, early 80s.
• Quote:
  • “My father tried to defend me: ‘But that’s funny!’” — Jim (57:01)

Story 7: "Accused of being racist by an Asian, 'wasn't exactly Wong'" (58:58–64:25)

Story: Panel flips between Jay and Luis as possible author; “She wasn’t exactly Wong” is the groan-worthy punchline.

• Tension as Jay swears “on my son, it’s not me.”
• (63:23) Reveal: It was Luis J. Gomez.
• Luis tells the full story:
  • Got into a shouting match with an Asian deli worker over a bag charge. Banned from deli after knocking candy off the counter.
• Memorable:
  • “She wasn’t Wong, ‘cause I was being a little racist.” — Luis (64:25)

Story 8: "The inside-out Asian asshole" (66:17–70:08)

Story: Hooked up with an Asian (for free!) whose “inside was on the outside.”

• Panel: It must be Big Jay.
• Jay is asked to swear on Colum’s (dumb) wife’s life—not him!
• (70:01) Reveal: Big Jay Okerson—it’s real!
• Jay’s vivid, gross description:
  • “There were several circle-shaped things, like a clog of bubble tea. Looked like five bubbles stuck in the straw at once…”
  • “Of course I stopped!”
• Colum’s reaction:
  • “You have no honor in this game!” — Colum (70:22)

3. Scoring, Final Standings, & Winner

Scoring swung wildly with double points in the later rounds.
At final tally:

• Winner: Jim Florentine (18 points; huge comeback)
• Runners-up: Big Jay Okerson & Naim Ali (16), Luis J. Gomez (13), Colum Tyrrell (9)

Final moments:

• “Jim, you have joined the elite ranks of the Story Warriors: the quiet assassin.” — Luis (73:39)
• “What a comeback! I was in last place after four.” — Jim (73:48)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On racial ‘ownership’ and honesty:
  • “Only black people and Puerto Ricans go into laundromats.” — Naim Ali (08:56)
  • “I picked you every time…like, ‘He’s from Ireland; he’s a fucking scumbag’...and it was always Big Jay or Louis!” — Jim Florentine (04:59)
• On subverting expectations:
  • “Why would I chase her? Because I was on coke and I couldn’t come!” — Luis J. Gomez (21:22)
• Panel’s fabricated moral compass:
  • “I would never do that. I would never do that. But if I did do that, I wouldn’t be wrong. That’s not stealing!” — Naim Ali (27:39)
• Shameless subterfuge:
  • “He swore on his son and looked at us in the face and lied!” — Colum Tyrrell (63:02)
  • “All you gotta do is swear and everybody's like, 'I believe you.' That's dumb...Why do we believe people when they swear?” — Naim Ali (69:33)
• On winning ugly:
  • “You officiated their wedding, you piece of shit!” — Colum Tyrrell (70:22 to Big Jay, after being lied to).
• Most vivid gross-out:
  • “The full cherry blossom…there were several circle-shaped things. It looked like a clog of bubble tea.” — Big Jay Okerson (71:24)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Game Explanation & Intros: 01:00–07:39
• Story 1: 08:05–14:49
• Story 2: 15:26–22:04
• Story 3: 25:31–30:24
• Story 4: 31:52–36:57
• Story 5: 42:09–47:01
• Story 6: 52:53–57:43
• Story 7: 58:58–64:25
• Story 8: 66:17–70:08
• Final scoring & winner: 72:40–75:10

Episode Tone & Vibe

• Unapologetically raunchy and confrontational: No sacred cows, playful (and often cutting) racial humor, absurd honesty in sharing embarrassing personal stories.
• Competitive and mischievous: Deception is part of the game, with aggressive misdirection, oaths sworn and broken, and much delight in fooling one another.
• Endearing camaraderie: Panels bust each other's chops mercilessly but with affection; several “sworn on” oaths turn into laughing betrayals that delight the audience.
• Quick-witted banter and big laughs: Audience is clearly along for the ride—roars and gasps punctuate the best reveals and filthiest punchlines.

Summary

Story Warz: Asians is a high-octane, raucous hour-plus of comedians trading stories, insults, and playful racially-tinged jabs. The format gleefully encourages lies and bluffs, culminating in betrayals, redemption, and the thrill of being crowned “Story Warrior.” Amid the chaos, listeners are treated to unexpectedly vivid slices of real life—with tales of laughing at gibberish, botched rub-and-tugs, epic lawsuits, childish suspensions, and the hazards of eating ass. Jim Florentine emerges victorious, but the real winner is any listener who survives the mayhem with their funny bone intact.

(For full effect, listen for Colum’s defeated Irish lilt when betrayed, Naim's righteous logic, Big Jay’s gross-out storytelling, Luis’s hyperactive self-owning, and Jim’s deadpan confessions.)