Story Warz – Episode 073: Family Gatherings

Guest Panel: Ryan Shaner, Dru Montana, Josie Marcelino
Hosts: Big Jay Oakerson & Luis J. Gomez
Date: December 26, 2025
Location: LIVE from Helium Comedy Club, Philadelphia

Episode Overview

In this holiday-themed edition of Story Warz, comedians Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez welcome Ryan Shaner, Dru Montana, and first-time participant Josie Marcelino for a raucous showdown of hilarious and outrageous family stories. Centered around the topic of "Family Gatherings," the episode features quick-witted storytelling, relentless ball-busting, and a spirited competition for the coveted “Story Warrior” title and a self-help book prize. As always, the goal: fool your fellow comics about which story is yours.

Game Rules Refresher (05:00)

• Each panelist submits 3-5 true or false stories on the topic ("Family Gatherings").
• Eight stories are selected at random.
• When a story is read aloud, everyone tries to guess whose story it is.
• Fooling others earns points; correctly guessing earns points.
• Prize: Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty.

Jay: "We’re playing for a book from the Story Warz library. Tonight’s winner takes home Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty.” (06:40)

Key Discussion Points & Memorable Stories

The Blackface Thanksgiving (Story 1, 08:49–15:53)

• Story: "Every year on Thanksgiving, at least two of my family members would have blackface on at the dinner table."
• Roasting immediately begins—was this old-school racism or just mechanics covered in grease?
• Guesses fly between Drew, Shaner, and Josie—debate about "wood people" family traditions.
• Big Jay and Luis suspect blue-collar wordplay, but the crowd feels its deep-rooted “upstate woods energy.”
• Reveal: It's Drew Montana – but only hunting camo blackface, not racist blackface.
• Drew: "My dad and all my uncles hunted every Thanksgiving morning... full camo, blackface, and cover themselves in deer piss, then eat dinner before washing it off." (15:30)

The Tripping Cousin at a Funeral (Story 2, 16:28–22:27)

• Story: At grandpa’s funeral, tripping cousin whispers, “If he sits up out of that coffin, I’m gonna shit my pants.”
• Immediately pegged by the group as "classic Shaner humor" (“shitting and dying is his genre”).
• Shaner Confirmed: “I was coming off back-to-back DUIs and my grandpa died. My cousin Robbie’s on psychedelics at the funeral and says, ‘If he sits up out that coffin I’m gonna shit my m*********** pants.’ Then sits in the car for the rest.” (21:39)
• Crowd enjoys the authenticity and Shaner’s affinity for deathly bowel movements.

“Famous Musician” at a Family Gathering—Or Just a Juggalo Reunion? (Story 3, 25:47–32:13)

• Story: “I was at a family gathering attended by a famous musician.”
• Panel immediately accuses Josie of thinly veiled name dropping; she protests.
• The game spirals into jokes about Louis’ “family” events being Juggalo gatherings and his “famous musicians” being Hatebreed (his own network staff).
• Luis: “At the gathering of the Juggalos—where family’s more than just family—there were many famous musicians. Had Tech9 in mind.” (32:09)

Grandma Misses Holidays… for Publishers Clearinghouse (Story 4, 34:43–44:06)

• Story: Grandma would skip holidays to wait for the Publishers Clearinghouse Prize Patrol.
• Much panel confusion: “What’s Publishers Clearinghouse?” Younger comics (Drew, Josie) have no idea.
• Luis: “Grandma Jane… would be home waiting for Ed McMahon to show up with her Publishers Clearinghouse winnings. She also sold pharmaceutical drugs to everyone in her neighborhood. We called her Grandma Candy.” (44:06)
• Extended riff on “immigrant grandmas” and the sweepstakes obsession; cultural touchstone for the panel’s East Coast upbringing.

Caught Playing Doctor with a Cousin (Story 5, 52:47–60:09)

• Story: “Got caught playing doctor with my third cousin by my grandparent before a family holiday dinner. He took it to his grave.”
• All eyes on Jay, infamous for stories about “close calls with cousins.”
• Big Jay Fesses Up: “Nobody put fingers in anything. Just looking at each other’s parts. My pop pop walked in… said nothing. Died with that info.” (59:55)
• Non-stop accusations from Josie: “How many cousin-f***ing stories do you have?” “We were just looking at each other’s stuff!” – Jay.
• Panel: “Classic pop pop move. Dinner in five!”

The Christmas Floor Shit (Story 6, 65:37–74:53)

• Story: “My mother once took a shit on the floor during Christmas.”
• Everyone assumes it must be wild man Shaner, but he protests.
• Surprise! It’s Josie Marcelino: “My mom’s a blistering alcoholic... 110 pounds, all vodka, and laid out a footlong of human shit, just walking across the room. Tried to blame the 10-pound dog.” (73:56)
• Panel: “We all thought Shaner’s mom was the only one, but Josie’s mom was the champ.”
• Josie: “She never broke stride, didn’t grunt—a horse in the middle of walking.”
• Shaner, in defense: “My mom was the only sober person in my life!”

Rockettes: The Sexual Awakening (Story 7, 76:31–85:49)

• Story: “Became sexually aroused for the first time watching the Rockettes on Thanksgiving morning, many moons ago.”
• Panel debates which “white guy with an old soul” would use ‘many moons ago’; much suspicion on Jay, then Luis, then Drew.
• Drew Montana: “I was like 8 or 9. Around the time I realized my Aunt Terry had huge tits. It was overload: Rockettes’ legs, big Aunt Terry boobs—all at once.” (85:06)

Double Schizophrenic Christmas (Story 8, 87:40–95:26)

• Story: “One year at Christmas, we had two different paranoid schizophrenics at the table.”
• Heavy suspicion on Shaner for “crazy family,” but Josie and the panel psychoanalyze who really has the genes for this.
• Luis J. Gomez: “Uncle Raymond, paranoid schizophrenic, and my Aunt Adele’s daughter May—big, fat, paranoid schizophrenic bitch—they’d twitch, freak out, talk to themselves at the table. It was psychotic and depressing.” (94:38)

Memorable Quotes

• Jay (on Josie’s Publisher’s Clearinghouse grandma): "My best guess is your grandmother’s a stupid Maryland idiot… I did a gig in Newport News, Virginia, and their family’s biggest photo was the day she met Ed McMahon." (35:40)
• Josie (caught flustered): “You have no idea who I am, is what I’m finding…”
• Luis, explaining his “family gathering with famous musicians”: “A couple months ago, I was at a gathering of the Juggalos. I consider Juggalos family.” (32:13)
• Drew (on the Christmas floor-shitting): “My mom’s a Christian. Stories are all long… My mom goes to church five times a week. The reincarnation.”
• Jay (on cousin ‘doctor’ play): “We were just looking at each other’s stuff… My pop pop walked up, paused, and just said, ‘Dinner in five minutes.’”
• Josie (on her mom’s floor shitting): “A full foot long, unbroken human shit. Never broke stride, never grunted, just kept walking. The dog was 10 pounds, the shit weighed more than the dog.” (73:56)

Game Progress, Scores & Tension

By Story 6: Josie surges ahead, surprising the veterans.
Jay: Languishing in last despite “having so much fun.” (85:59)
“Double Points” Round kicks off after Story 4. Stakes ratchet up; anyone can still win.

The Final Story Show-Down (97:40–106:44)

• Tied for 1st: Josie & Luis at 16 points each (after 8 stories).
• Tiebreaker: Both secretly wager points. A ninth story (by one of the other three panelists) is read. Both correctly guess it’s Shaner (“Mom threatened to shoot a man who bought an erotic cake and let her kid eat tit-shaped chicken.”) (99:12)
• Double Overtime: 10th story (“Grandma sneezed on the ham, ate it anyway")—both guess wrong, but Josie wagered less, clinching the win.

Winner & Conclusion

Josie Marcelino Crowned Story Warrior!

• “Suck my dick. Couple points!” (107:06)
• Panel congratulates her, with Drew and Shaner vowing revenge next time.
• Jay, always a good sport: “I’m having so much fun I forgot I’m losing completely.”

Closing Moments

• Quick plugs:
  • Drew Montana: Durag & the Deer Tag podcast.
  • Ryan Shaner: The End Podcast, World War Fun with Sydney Gantt, plus his novel Solomon.
  • Josie Marcelino: “No podcast yet, but follow me everywhere @ossiemarcelino.”
  • Jay & Luis: Upcoming shows, podcasts, and comedy specials.

Luis: “Guys, make sure you subscribe, use the code WAR, get yourself a couple bucks off your membership, and get a bunch of unreleased episodes that are not available anywhere else.” (49:13)

Standout Audience Interactions & Moments

• Audience voting on story origins, especially for the Rockettes and Grandma Ham stories.
• The ever-lingering debate over blue-collar vs. "woods people" family customs.
• Multiple direct appeals for eye contact and trust, culminating in harmless betrayals and lots of laughter.

Tone & Atmosphere

• Authentic and raucous: relentless teasing, no-holds-barred confessions, and camaraderie befitting both family gatherings and the comedy scene.
• Jay’s self-deprecating warmth
• Luis’s tough-love antagonism
• Panel’s genuine affection and unfiltered storytelling
• A festival of “Philly energy,” undercut by New York snark.

Notable Timestamps

• [05:00] – Game rules breakdown
• [08:49] – Story 1 (Blackface Thanksgiving)
• [16:28] – Story 2 (Tripping Cousin at Funeral)
• [25:47] – Story 3 (Famous Musician / Juggalo Reveal)
• [34:43] – Story 4 (Publishers Clearinghouse Grandma)
• [52:47] – Story 5 (Doctor with Cousin)
• [65:37] – Story 6 (Christmas Floor Shit)
• [76:31] – Story 7 (Rockettes Sexual Awakening)
• [87:40] – Story 8 (Double Paranoid Schizophrenic Christmas)
• [97:40] – Story 9 (Bonus Overtime: Erotic Cake/Gun Threat)
• [102:43] – Story 10 (Bonus Overtime: Grandma Sneezes on Ham)

The Final Word

A chaotic, side-splitting holiday edition where the shame of family traditions is outshone only by the joy of storytelling and merciless friendship.
Josie Marcelino takes home the "Think Like a Monk" prize—and eternal bragging rights as the newest Story Warrior.