078. Francis Ellis, Myke Fox, Lev Fer | Nudity

Summary

Story Warz | Episode 078: Francis Ellis, Myka Fox, Lev Fer | Theme: Nudity

Date: January 30, 2026
Location: The Stand Comedy Club, NYC
Host: GaS Digital Network
Panelists: Big Jay Oakerson, Luis J. Gomez, Lev Fer, Myka Fox, Francis Ellis

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Episode Overview

In this raucous episode of Story Warz, the live comedy game show based on bluffing and storytelling, Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez are joined by comedians Lev Fer, Myka Fox, and Francis Ellis. The theme: Nudity. Over a packed night, contestants try to stump each other with embarrassing, outlandish, and hilarious personal stories involving nakedness, awkward encounters, and sexual misadventure. Points are earned for correctly identifying the storyteller—or successfully deceiving the group.

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Key Discussion Points & Stories

1. Opening Banter & Intros [01:00–04:40]

• Hosts banter with the crowd about Story Warz. Luis jokingly proclaims, "Just so you know, we're a pro-Palestine show" [01:40], sparking a quick debate about representation and avoiding the politics in favor of comedy.
• Jay highlights the heavy Jewish presence on the panel: "Three Jews and a Puerto Rican. That's a sitcom right there." [03:37]

2. Explaining the Game: How to Play Story Warz [04:40–05:52]

• Each panelist submits stories based on the night’s theme (nudity).
• Stories are read anonymously by producer Alex. The goal: Guess whose story it is while disguising your own.
• Scoring: Guess right = 2 pts; Fool someone = 1 pt.

3. Notable & Hilarious Stories

Story 1: The Photograph of My Father's Phallus [08:17–14:26]

• Story: "I once saw a photograph of my father's phallus."
• Panel debates vocabulary: "Phallus" triggers suspicion it’s Francis’ or Micah’s, given their education/word choice.
• Everyone guesses Francis; reveal: Lev Fer wrote it.
• Lev tells the backstory: As a kid, answered his mom’s flip phone and saw his dad’s explicit contact photo. “It was his tiny dick. Set as his own caller ID” [13:40].
• Jay: "How much of a cock-hungry whore is your mother...?" [14:09]
• Lev, on his dad’s size: "Hard and small. He’s got four inches just like his son." [14:35]

Story 2: Sailboat Surprise Through the Porthole [16:25–22:40]

• Story: "At 12, I saw a woman undressing through a boat window. She was old and gross; I looked away out of disgust."
• Most guess Francis: “Through the window of a boat is the giveaway. Nobody else is near boats.” [19:52]
• Francis admits: “I was working as a dock boy...I gave her privacy out of disgust.” [21:48]
• Francis deadpans, “It was a coming of age moment for me...I thought I’d be into all women; that made me realize I wasn’t.” [22:24]

Story 3: Caught Masturbating by Roommate’s Date [23:48–31:10]

• Story: "Fell asleep masturbating; roommate + date found me with my pants down."
• Everyone debates who would do this—"only Louis" per Jay.
• Reveal: Luis J. Gomez — tells a tale of falling asleep mid-masturbation, underwear down, discovered by his roommate’s guests: “My dick is fine when it’s hard, but soft and unconscious…like a baby sleeping.” [30:14]
• Jay: “They just started cackling, laughing...they had to dare each other to get the bong.” [30:24]

Story 4: Calling the Cops—But Only When It’s a Guy [35:56–40:42]

• Story: "A woman across the street showered with window open for months…when her boyfriend did it, I called the cops."
• Most place blame on Micah, but the real culprit is Big Jay Okerson.
• Jay: "One day a guy did it, and there’s kids…so I went to the police station...they said, ‘You can ring his bell if you want though. Too confrontational.’” [40:19]

Story 5: Game of ‘Guess That Dick’ in the Locker Room [46:08–52:01]

• Story: "Covered eyes, tried to ID teammates by their privates in team showers."
• Most think Francis, but it is indeed his story: “We got to know each other pretty well halfway through the season...” [52:01]
• Jay: "If I had to shower with teammates, I’d quit the sport immediately." [48:42]
• Francis: “I write better than this. Are you fucking kidding me?” [50:40], mocking his own verbosity.

Story 6: Coke-Fueled Threesome While Aunt Sleeps Off Cancer [53:32–62:30]

• Story: "Visited my sick aunt; after she fell asleep, had a threesome with her friend and some dude."
• Micah confesses: “She got me coked up, then said ‘I gotta go fuck my boyfriend now.’ I was too wired and didn’t want to be alone.” [59:41]
• Panel explodes with disgust and respect. Micah: “I was 25, her friend was like 50. It was gross but they were thrilled.” [60:22]
• Lev: “Can you imagine having to take one of those old-lady electric chairs up the stairs for a threesome?” [60:40]

Story 7: Bullied Into Sending Their First Nude [67:25–74:25]

• Story: "The first time I sent a nude, I was bullied into it."
• Correct guess: Lev Fer. He details being taunted by a girl into sending a dick pic at age 14: "She sent one first, then said, ‘so you have a tiny dick?’...that hurt so bad I spent hours trying to take the picture." [73:12]
• Jay: “I never thought I’d agree with calling a 14-year-old a whore pig bitch, but fuck that chick.” [73:38]

Story 8: Staring at a Boy’s Penis Without Consent in Grade School [76:50–85:07]

• Story: "Got in trouble in elementary school for looking at a boy’s penis without consent."
• Luis reveals himself: “I stood up on the toilet to look over the stall wall…He hid himself and then told on me. I might have been suspended for elementary school sexual assault.” [84:15]
• Jay: “You went down to the principal’s office and got a shot for gay sexual assault.” [85:07]

Tiebreaker/Bonus: The Crust of Chastity [87:31–88:44]

• Story: "At age five, thought growing a crust on your genitals proved you weren’t touching yourself."
• Quickly guessed: Micah Fox. She laughs: “A girl told me that and I believed her.” [89:00]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On word choice:
  Big Jay: “Photograph of my father’s phallus. Is this a fucking gay poet?” [10:35]

• On cross-examining Micah:
  Luis: "If this is Micah, Micah’s a badass and I’m a...I’m a fan." [55:48]
  Micah: “No, that makes it you, then!” [55:53]

• On privacy out of disgust:
  Jay: “Giving someone privacy out of disgust is my favorite sentence I’ve ever read.” [17:03]

• On locker room ID game:
  Francis: “You got to know each other pretty well halfway through the season.” [52:01]

• Jay on the game’s diversity:
  "You never miss once!" [51:53]

• Lev on being bullied into nudes:
  “She said, so you have a tiny dick? That hurt so bad that I spent the next four hours…” [73:12]

• Luis, confessional:
  “Sometimes you gotta bully these—Is there, there’s no—is somebody playing the flute in the crowd? Did you hear that? Somebody laughs like an E minor played from a flute.” [68:56]

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Highlights & Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | |-------------|--------------------------------------------------------| | 04:52 | Rules Explanation & Introductions | | 08:17–14:26 | Story 1: Photograph of the Father's Phallus | | 16:25–22:40 | Story 2: The Gross Sailboat Striptease | | 23:48–31:10 | Story 3: Asleep While Masturbating | | 35:56–40:42 | Story 4: Calling the Cops on a Naked Neighbor | | 46:08–52:01 | Story 5: Genitalia ID Game in the Locker Room | | 53:32–62:30 | Story 6: Cancer-Aunt’s House Threesome (Micah) | | 67:25–74:25 | Story 7: Bullied Into Sending a Nude | | 76:50–85:07 | Story 8: Elementary School Penis Incident (Luis) | | 87:31–88:44 | Tiebreaker: The Crusty Chastity Myth (Micah) |

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Game Results & End

• Final Standings:
  1st: TIE – Big Jay Oakerson & Luis J. Gomez (20 pts each)
  Tiebreaker wager: Jay bets 18, Luis 9; Jay wins and claims ‘A Walk to Remember’ as his prize.

• Memorable Closing:
  Big Jay: “Even our new friends… I come here every week. This never happens. I think I’m still in single digit wins… Let’s go, baby!” [90:40]

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Summary

This episode captures the chaotic, no-holds-barred energy of live NYC comedy with uproarious, occasionally shocking tales about nudity—involving awkward childhood moments, parental mishaps, sexual misadventure, and more. The cast’s chemistry, penchant for going for the bit at all costs, and willingness to skewer each other (and themselves) keeps the show fast-paced and unpredictable. A must-listen for fans of irreverent comedy and unfiltered storytelling.

Transcript

[A]

Before we start today's show, we want to remind you that we have incredible merch [e-mail] not only do we got T shirts, not only do we got hoodies, but we just added beanies for the winter, guys, so get them this winter. It's going to be a very limited time where you can get Story wars beanies. Just go to storywarsmerch.com all right, let's start the show.

[B]

Fill her up. You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[A]

Ladies and gentlemen, it's story wars with the story warriors, big j okerson and louis j. Cole.

[C]

What is up, New York City? Make some fucking noise for me, would you, please?

[A]

This is it. Story wars at the New York Comedy Club. Sold out show. Thank you guys for being here.

[C]

Thank you. Yeah, thanks. Thank you. You don't have to give a. We always ask of every crowd here at Story wars, who here is familiar with the game Story wars.

[A]

And who is not familiar with Story Wars?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

What a bunch of. What a bunch of assholes, right? Did you guys just see Nina on show last week? Nina Karufa, and you were like, this is my type of show. Is that what happened? No, they have no idea. You don't know why you're here. Guys, we're gonna change your fucking lives tonight. This is gonna be it. And just so you know, we're a Pro Palestine show.

[C]

I'm Jewish, so I don't. I don't really. I don't know if the whole show represented that, but I'm kind of. I don't really know enough information to have that big of an opinion about it.

[A]

Laughs we're gonna have an incredible show tonight, guys.

[C]

Incredible show for you guys. Let's get our panel out here, and then if you're not familiar with the game, we will explain it to you very quickly. It's very easy. It's very fun. Our first contestant coming out, he is.

[E]

Oh.

[C]

Oh, he's a Story Warrior. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yes. Wow. Not just Hansen, but a Story Warrior with a record of 1:0 from the cockfight Podcast. He's taping his new special next month. Make some noise for the hilarious Le.

[A]

Left. It almost seems like the bottles were pointing at your tits. They both just fell down. You're a former Story Warrior. How does it feel coming back for the first time since you've.

[B]

This is the best podcast out right now? I, Tony Inchcliffe, can suck my balls.

[A]

Oh, no, we're friends. He's our friend. Gotta make it clear we love Tony.

[B]

And I'm so excited to be back. I can't wait.

[C]

But you do keep saying that Tony stole our red microphones thing and the whole it doesn't matter.

[A]

That is true. Our next contestant from the Great Hang podcast and her special My Joke, My Choice, available right now on YouTube, making her story wars debut. Put your hands together for the hilarious Micah Fox. Micah Fox. Hello, Micah Fox. Also representing the Jews.

[C]

Just so you know, this show has been pretty Jewish.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, it is. Three Jews and a Puerto Rican. That's a fucking. That's a sitcom right there.

[B]

Show about lying.

[F]

We call that a Gaza.

[C]

Last but not least, first time on the show, correct?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

First time ever on the show. From barstool. You know him from the Son of a Boy dad podcast. You also have seen him on Tires on Netflix. How about it for the great Francis Ellis?

[A]

In the house. In the house.

[C]

Damn. What a dashing ginger fuck.

[A]

Francis, first time on Story Wars. How have you prepared to be here for the how have you prepared to be here for this moment?

[D]

I am physically afraid of you, Louis.

[C]

What?

[D]

And so I just realized that at some point I couldn't. I don't want to piss you off anymore, so I'm here.

[C]

Francis, have you seen your tall, fantastic body?

[D]

Oh, I don't do jiu jitsu or anything like that.

[C]

Neither is Louis, really.

[A]

Well, look, we're happy to have you on the show, and I'm going to tell you right now, we're going to have some fun. Jay, let's explain the rules, and then we're going to get into this, and it's going to be so much fun.

[C]

If you are unfamiliar with the game here, it's your first time listening at home. It's a very, very simple game. All five of us on this panel, including Lewis and I, have submitted stories. Rush have submitted stories on one particular. You could have made it cleaner than that on one particular subject. Tonight's subject, nudity.

[A]

Nudity. O Duty.

[C]

Alex, our lovely producer, is going to take eight of those stories at random and read them off one at a time. If it's your story, you're the only person who knows that it's your job to fool everybody that it's not your story. And if it's not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.

[A]

Every time you guess the story correctly, you get two points. Every time you fool a person on the panel, you get one point. So if it's your story, you have an opportunity to get four points. It's a huge moment if it's your story. Okay. Once you write the name on the dry erase board, put the dry erase board in the slot right here. Remove your hand. That is your final answer. You can't change your answer after that. And I'll tell you right now, we're going to have so much fun tonight. We're gonna have so much fun, but we're not playing for fun. Jay, let them know what we're playing for.

[C]

Every week here on Story Awards, we are playing for a book from the Story awards library. Tonight's winner takes home a walk to remember by Nicole Sparks. Great book.

[A]

It's a great book. I love Sparks.

[C]

In the Nicholas Sparks classic, a reckless high school senior learns the meaning of true love when he commits to marrying his longtime sweetheart, Jamie, after learning she's terminally ill. Read along as Landon embraces responsibility, transforming his life from self centeredness to profound devotion to his sick wife. Their marriage, though brief, serves as a powerful testament to the enduring power of unconditional love.

[A]

By the way, they're so engaged now. Look at them. They're like, this is pretty good. I like this.

[C]

Well, it's illegal to sit next to aggressive lesbians where they're from, so I'm.

[A]

Pretty sure they're also not allowed to read books where they're from.

[C]

Yeah. Turn this away from her. I don't want to get her killed. She seems lovely.

[B]

I love that the only author on this stage put the book in upside down.

[F]

Oh, is chatgpt here?

[D]

I fingered a woman to that movie. I really did.

[B]

The first lie of the night.

[D]

It wasn't a lie. But I didn't do it right, that's for sure.

[F]

Now she has cancer.

[D]

It was early.

[A]

Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready for war?

[C]

Come on. We said, are you ready for war? Doctors. Alexandra, please. Story number one.

[E]

Story number one. I once saw a photograph of my father's phallus.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

I'm gonna go with the Harvard guy on this one for phallus.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, Francis, this does seem like it was a painting in your dad's mansion.

[C]

Above his mantle, this mighty phallus.

[F]

It was like one of those old timey southwestern things where you, like, pose with a cowboy hat and it's in sepia tone.

[C]

Yeah, I was gonna guess Micah because she doesn't want to say cock or dick or anything for your dad when you're talking about your dad's thing.

[A]

Yeah. And I've spoken to Micah's father. She's willing to say, yeah, I was.

[C]

Like no, but not maybe talking about his.

[A]

Maybe father's phallus.

[C]

I'll say in front of my mom, but I don't talk about. I go, hey, mom, how's your. Is everything all right? You're getting a check. You're getting your pussy checked every year.

[A]

You know what? I completely get it now.

[F]

Jay's like, yeah, mom, how's your vagina doing these days?

[C]

Yeah. No, I say, like, your downstairs place or your hot box wallet.

[A]

Francis.

[C]

I don't know Yiddish.

[A]

I feel like this is your. This is your story to deny. Is this not you? I'm. This.

[D]

This must be my only take here would be that I don't think this is that weird for a guy to have seen.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Not to. I. I don't. If I saw a picture of my dad's dick, I'm not submitting that for this podcast.

[A]

That's an interesting point. That's a very interesting point. Yeah.

[F]

There is an age thing to it, too, because it's a dick pic, but this is a photograph of a phus, meaning it's, like, at least 30 years old.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

Dad's like, look at this photograph.

[F]

Honestly, that makes me think it's Lewis, because Lewis couldn't see a dick Peck. He could only see a photograph.

[A]

Lewis, my dad. My dad died 40 years ago. Thanks, Micah.

[C]

Lewis only has two photographs of his father's face. I don't think he's also seen a picture of his dick.

[F]

Yeah, his mom took care of the important things.

[A]

I did see a picture. I did have a picture of my dad in his tighty whities. There was a pillow over his face, and he was lying up, and he looked like he had a pretty solid piece.

[C]

Phallus. Phallus.

[A]

Photograph of my father's phallus. Is this a fucking gay poet? What the fuck is this?

[C]

Also, Lev's a bit of a wordsmith. Also, this could be Lev.

[A]

Lev is a great joke writer. Lev's got his fucking thinking man's glasses on right now. Lev, could this be you?

[C]

The word phallus is a funny word to choose.

[B]

It is.

[D]

I really wish that father was spelled with a P H for continuity's sake.

[C]

Well, father Fallis, though, should be some sort of a rapper or something.

[B]

That's a metal band. I've never used that word in my life. I'm gonna be first to vote. Francis Ellis, Harvard educated.

[A]

Did you actually go to Harvard, Francis?

[D]

I did, yeah.

[A]

Oh, Jesus Christ, Francis.

[F]

Where did you go to school, Liv?

[C]

You weren't that redhead kid that made Brendan Fraser, leave. Because you found out he was Jewish. Were you? Remember? You guys were all cool that you found out he was Jew. Big fucking deal.

[A]

Story one belongs to Francis Ellis.

[B]

I'm curious to see what he's gonna write down. What's his cover gonna be?

[F]

Oh, he's blaming it on me, but it's a half shot.

[C]

I'm thinking. I'm thinking Micah.

[F]

Still, though, you'd be wrong, Jade. This one's a slam dunk. Father's phallus.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Why Micah?

[F]

Unless Jay wrote phallus? Because he. He's game playing.

[A]

He could be game playing, by the way.

[F]

Anyone could be game playing.

[A]

Jay. Jay. Jay just started learning how to. We were 72 episodes in. Jay just started learning how to play the game.

[C]

I'm gonna.

[A]

Francis Ellis votes for Mic.

[C]

You're supposed to lie.

[A]

You got it. Big J's gotta vote. Micah's got a vote. Micah is stalling. It feels like.

[F]

Well, because I'm looking at Lev and he's, like, breathing heavy, but I don't know if that's just how he normally is.

[B]

Oh, am I sweating? And is my seat wet too?

[F]

Yeah, mine's not.

[C]

Vote for me. Ah, damn it. I'm going with Francis.

[A]

Big J votes for Francis. Lots of votes for Francis. Micah votes for. Everyone votes for Francis. Except for. Well.

[E]

All right.

[A]

Everyone votes for Francis. Except every Francis.

[C]

Did he fool no one?

[B]

Was it you?

[D]

No.

[A]

There's never been more of a Francis story. Alex. Whose story is story number one?

[E]

Well, everybody, story number one belongs to Lev Fer.

[A]

No way.

[D]

Do it.

[E]

Fuck.

[F]

Fuck.

[C]

I was right there. I was right there. I'm figuring it out.

[A]

Oh, my God. Lev, you fat fuck. I didn't know you saw a photograph of your father's phallus, by the way.

[C]

I wanted great wording.

[B]

I just wanted to gay play it to Francis when I wrote this today because I figured I'd be too dumb to use phallus.

[A]

We gotta not tell the people. Who else is playing. This is. I have to protect my victories. I wanna keep my book.

[C]

Lev, how did our book.

[A]

Our book. Lev, how did you see a photograph of your father's phallus?

[C]

How couldn't you?

[B]

So when I was, like, 10, my dad was away on, like, a trip somewhere, and my mom left her cell phone downstairs. It was a sprint, Katana. And it rang. So I ran over to go pick up the phone and I said the.

[A]

Picture for him was his dick.

[B]

Literally was his pa. And this one's worse. So, you know, they had that front Screen that was tiny. And I'm like, what the fuck is that? So I open it to answer it, and now I'm seeing the full screen of my dad's tiny dick that he took overhead from a hotel room. My mom set it as his contact. And that's where I realized I was like, oh, I'm fucked forever. This is it. And then I had to answer and go, hey, you'll never guess what mom made your photo.

[A]

I have a question. How much of a cock hungry whore is your mother that she needed a picture of your father's cousin talk as his screensaver?

[C]

Insatiable is my guess.

[B]

I don't know, man. They're divorced now, so that's insane.

[F]

The photo though.

[A]

That's insane that she would make his small dick his photograph when he was calling.

[C]

You mean small like it was hard and small.

[B]

Hard and small. It was. He's got four inches just like his son.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Y.

[A]

What, did you accidentally shave a part of your mustache?

[B]

I have cancer, Lewis. No, I have stress alopece.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What happened to your head? Is happening to my mouth.

[A]

You have alopecia on your face. I've had that.

[C]

I've gotten that before, doggy.

[A]

Just don't grow your facial hair in. Nobody will know. That's insane.

[B]

I didn't think anybody would notice, but thank you. I wore these stupid glasses to distract.

[C]

How difficult is Louis to be kind to out of the gates? Cause first thing he does, he goes. He goes, ah, things pointed right at your tits. And you're like, this is the best show in the world. And then he just shits on you some more. Again, I them.

[A]

It's a real.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

Alex, where are our points at one story down?

[F]

All right.

[E]

In first place with four points. Love fur.

[C]

Crowds on the fence.

[A]

I guess they weren't happy about it. Alex. Story number two.

[E]

Story number two.

[A]

It's a little loud, Alex. It's. It's jarring.

[C]

The.

[A]

The sound effect is particular. Particularly jarring today.

[C]

Terrified people.

[A]

This poor Muslim. These people have seen their families blown up there. I've never seen them more terrified.

[C]

You know, they're jumpy around crazy loud noises. You racist, Alex. Let me see your face. You fucking racist. I'm sorry.

[A]

Alex. Story number two. It was louder. It was louder.

[C]

Jarring.

[E]

Story number two. When I was 12, I saw a woman undressing through the window of a boat. She was down in a cabin and she was probably in her late 50s. Her breasts were in such bad shape that I actually looked away and gave her Privacy out of disgust.

[C]

Now, if this isn't.

[A]

If this isn't.

[C]

This isn't Francis.

[B]

It's Francis. Or Micah. If it's Micah, she's gameplay.

[C]

This sounds like it might be an excerpt from a Walk to Remember. Dude.

[A]

Giving somebody privacy out of disgust. It's my favorite sentence I've ever read.

[C]

Oh, it's. By the way, it's a perfect explanation for something we all know exactly which. I've done the same thing where I've been like, like, you turn away with them. It's like, I'm gonna be a good guy, but it's just like, yeek, I don't wanna see that anymore.

[B]

Also, you know, Alex edited this. Cause originally it was like when we dropped anchor on the Port of France sunset hid thy bosom in the most depressing of ways.

[D]

This is the guy who just called his dad's dick a phallus. Let's not be swayed here. By the way, I have no memory of this. So that was a pun that nobody picked up on. I'm going to kill myself.

[B]

Is this you, Francis?

[D]

No, I, I, no, no.

[A]

Hold on. One thing. Can we go back to how bad that joke was? Just, I, I feel like we were going to move on.

[B]

I didn't hate it.

[A]

I didn't hate it.

[D]

It just, it was too close.

[F]

I think you didn't sell it enough.

[D]

I didn't want to.

[A]

Seeing a woman undressing through the window, no matter how disgusting she was, if it were Big J, he's not giving her privacy for any reason, period.

[C]

I once from a rooftop, looked in a window at a family that just did their whole night naked. Put the kids to bed, read a book. Everyone was fat. I watched. The sun was up when I started, it was down when I left. Nobody attracted, but I just couldn't believe it was happening.

[A]

Jay will not. Jay will not turn a blind eye to nudity. It can be a penis, it can be a fat chick, it doesn't matter. I know if there's anything, it is. This is not Jason.

[C]

I said it before, I'll say it again. On a rooftop one time, looked through a window and I saw a guy start whacking off. And I was like, oh, I gotta see where this guy finishes. And the answer is. The answer is he lays paper towels on his chest like this.

[A]

I do this move. This is my move.

[C]

I don't like it.

[A]

No, you come.

[C]

I don't like the move at all.

[A]

Look, let me show the way it works.

[C]

That's yours.

[B]

Now, look, he takes his dick out.

[A]

You lay it there, right?

[C]

That's not what he did, dude. He put it over like a. Like a waiter.

[A]

No.

[C]

And. And blasts up on his shoulder. Call that the violin.

[A]

You. You jerk it right here. Right. You shoot. You shoot. Then you fold it over.

[C]

Fold it over, buddy. It looks like you're. It looks like.

[A]

Completely clean. Done right over here. Done.

[C]

Yeah. Can you stand up again?

[A]

Right there.

[C]

You look like a child masturbating in a red lo.

[F]

I think I've seen Lewis do this demonstration in Union Square before.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was the woman's march, Right?

[A]

Look, I gotta say, this seems like Francis on a. On a. Through the window of a boat is the first big tell right there. Yes. Nobody else is near boats. Mike is. People were near trains. Thank you. I'm going. Francis Ellis.

[C]

Yeah, sure. All day long.

[A]

And we all did this in the last one.

[F]

I know. Now I want to vote for Lev just because I should have done it the last time.

[B]

I promise you it's not me. But I'm getting a weird sense that one of them is lying and covering. And I think it might be Lewis.

[C]

Now, Lewis might be covering for himself.

[B]

Yes. Yeah.

[C]

Very possible.

[F]

He doesn't ride boats. He rides rafts.

[C]

Can I tell you something? You're not wrong. Everything that Lewis said about me is also completely true for a young Lewis.

[A]

I'm not walking away.

[C]

Doesn't walk away. He'll go and then try to come back the next day.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

To see if this is like friends with friends to see if this is her thing. And I'd be the fat kid on the bike right behind him going like, are we there as close.

[B]

Are we really going to risk a Francis sweep?

[C]

All right.

[A]

Micah Fox. Big J. Small.

[D]

I think if. If I had written this, I would have said yacht rather than boat. So this feels a lot poorer than I would have allowed for it.

[C]

They don't believe us anymore, Lois.

[A]

I don't know. Let's say Lev Furr votes for Francis Ellis. Francis Ellis votes for Big J. This is anybody's.

[C]

Ooh. So anybody gets some points. Everybody's in.

[E]

Alex, story number two belongs to Francis Ellis.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes. Easy, Francis. What happened here? Where was this boat?

[D]

That was a sailboat and.

[F]

A scooter.

[B]

How many feet?

[D]

But not probably like 25. It was one that at best had one berth on it.

[B]

Don't even know what that is.

[D]

I was working at a marina as a dock boy. And I was late at night. I was kind of. Of doing the rounds or whatever, and walked past, and there was a. I could see down through this tiny little porthole. And I knew the woman, and she was undressing. And it was not what I had hoped it would be. And so I left her. It's noble to do what she.

[A]

How old were you again?

[D]

12.

[A]

12 years old. That's right. That's quite the age to give up nudity. That's how gross she was.

[D]

I know. Well, it was a coming of age moment for me. It really was. I was very disenfranchised after this. I was not. It was bad. I thought I'd be into all women, and that made me realize I wasn't.

[A]

This story made you gay?

[D]

It made me tasteful.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Well, that is the first step in the ladder of gay discerning.

[A]

Alex, two stories down, where are our points at?

[E]

All right. Not yet. On the scoreboard. With zero points, Micah Fox. I'm coming back in fourth place with one point, Francis Ellis. Tied for second place with two points each, Big J. Okerson and Louis J. Gomez.

[A]

Hand turkey.

[C]

Your hand turkey.

[E]

And in the lead with six points, Le fur.

[C]

It's Feeling good.

[A]

Defending that title hard.

[C]

Feeling good. This guy wants two books.

[B]

I came to play, brother. I'm almost done with the first one.

[A]

Alex. Alex. Story number three.

[E]

Story number three. One time I fell asleep masturbating, my roommate brought a date home and they found me sleeping with my pants down.

[C]

It's only. Only Lewis would do this. Yeah.

[B]

This could be Micah. This could be Micah.

[D]

I don't think there's a man alive that doesn't finish.

[A]

Yeah, that's actually the point that I was gonna make. I feel like this is a woman thing to do, which is to fall asleep masturbating.

[F]

They could have fallen asleep after they finished and left their pants down.

[B]

I don't think women finish when they masturbate it.

[A]

Wait, we haven't finished. Hold on.

[F]

We do when we masturbate. Louis.

[A]

Oh, look at the five chicks in the Grand. Yeah, tell him M.

[F]

Louis out here bragging that he doesn't make women come, and he thinks the joke's on me.

[B]

Now, if this story is you, women can never complain about us not making them come again. Like you're. You can't make yourself come. That's crazy.

[C]

Until you got tired enough to fall asleep doing it.

[A]

Yeah. This is a. What? This is a woman's story, obviously.

[E]

No, it's not.

[F]

A woman would cover herself up with a sheet during.

[B]

She did.

[C]

Front row.

[F]

They're all nodding their head.

[C]

I. There's a few things that. There's a few things that separate me from Lewis, and one of them is I for sure wouldn't jerk off in common space. I wouldn't jerk off.

[A]

Holy shit. It's Jay's old roommate in the crowd right now.

[B]

Stone cold music.

[C]

I would never jerk off in common space where I would be found jerking off in any capacity. You know what I mean?

[F]

Even if you were really drunk and.

[C]

High, Jay, I was never really drunk.

[A]

But neither would I. If I had a. If I had a roommate, I would go in my bedroom. That's insane now, dude, you feel like.

[C]

You own the place?

[A]

You just jerk off in the kitchen?

[C]

Yep. I think you would. I think if that's where it struck you, you would jerk off in the kitchen.

[A]

I mean, I think.

[B]

I think Lewis would do this, but when has Lewis ever lived with, like, male roommates?

[C]

Lewis jerked off at the hospital while his son was being born. That's a fact.

[B]

No, that's a very good point.

[A]

Is that a J? You're not gonna name facts? I jerked off at the hospital when we got there a couple hours before, my son's mother was being induced to deliver my son to be born. So I got to the hospital and I went to jerk it off, jerk it out so I could experience his birth.

[C]

Is this. Wait, what Muslim lady nodding her head like she understands. How trained are you to be good with everything a man says? That's crazy behavior. Fight back. Stand up. You're in America now. You don't take that.

[A]

Can I say I. I also think it's my good. Because I feel like you're right. There is something about, why wouldn't you just jerk off in your bedroom? I feel like women, they'll have, like, a studio apartment, and they'll have, like, literally two chicks living in the same room. So that's probably what this was.

[F]

This porn you saw.

[C]

It's literally. He goes. And then they come home from work, and they're both like, it's a studio, so they don't even care. They're both girl.

[F]

They have to braid each other's hair and put on lotion and. Can you reach that spot on my back?

[B]

And they invite their really funny friend.

[C]

In, feeling the warmth from betwixt each other's legs.

[F]

Can you touch my phallus?

[D]

Is there anything to be gleaned from the pants being down?

[C]

What does gleaned mean? Maybe. Maybe learned. Our answer might be maybe learned.

[A]

I think it's the same letters.

[D]

Yeah. Are we are. Is that. Is that a clue?

[B]

I think Micah said when you were higher drunk, she was kind of defending herself. And you used to be a drinker, right?

[F]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You're sober now.

[F]

Big time. But I was also a big cokehead. And we're not falling asleep or coming.

[A]

Micah's coming out. She's grasping at shs. The coke thing was a desperate grasp right there. Micah Fox is the answer.

[F]

That means it's Lewis.

[A]

I think it's Lewis. Both of me, please.

[E]

I think it's.

[F]

I think it's Lewis or Lev. I feel like Lev would disrespect his roommates that much.

[B]

I would never do this. I. I have my father's. I'm not showing it to people.

[C]

That's what I mean. I wouldn't want any chance for someone to see my.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Done. Jerking off dick.

[B]

My dick is this big, soft. I'm not risking it.

[A]

Jay, you're wasting. You're wasting your vote. Jay, you're wasting your vote.

[F]

No, you're not.

[A]

Jay, you're wasting your vote.

[C]

Why are you laughing the second time you said it? Cause it makes you happy to hurt my feelings when I do?

[A]

I would never hurt your feelings.

[C]

If I change this from you.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I'll kill myself if it's you.

[A]

Okay? So please change it.

[C]

I'll kill myself.

[A]

Change it.

[C]

Test my will to live. I want you to live.

[A]

I want you to live so bad. I need you to live. God damn it, I need you to live, Jay. We got a big year coming up.

[C]

Alex.

[E]

Story number three belongs to Louis J. Gomez.

[C]

You were gonna let me kill myself? That's crazy. What kind of friend is that? You don't know if I'm on the edge mentally. Wow.

[B]

Good for you for doubling down. That was beautiful.

[A]

This Muslim couple, they've never heard of the show. They're having a blast right now. They're having so much fun right now. Didn't I tell you? Didn't I tell. Good show. Yeah. So, Jay, you do know this story? I've told this story in a different capacity. So it wasn't in my living room. It was me and my buddy Forrest, who lived together in Brooklyn. Through the window. Yes. You remember now? So I went into the bedroom, and I locked my door, and I jerked. I was jerking off, and I didn't come. I just fell asleep jerking off. And my dick is fine when it's hard, but when my dick is like. Like, not only soft, but like I'm unconscious, so I don't know anybody's gonna see it. It Is like. It's like a baby. Just a baby sleeping, dude.

[C]

It goes away. Several of us understand. Louis goes away. What did. I was fb out for doing anything with it.

[A]

My pants are dead around my ankles. I literally jerked out. I fell asleep. So my dick is, like, shrunken into my body. I had the bong in my room. And this is an apartment in Brooklyn, so I had a window in my room and there was a fire escape. And then my buddy Forrest had a window in his room. So him. And not only just his date, but his date and another girl that I was interested in, they went on out onto the balcony and came over to my window and looked it, and they saw me with my little dick and pants down. And they just started cackling, laughing. And they had to, like, dare each other to go in and get the bong, like, whose job it was. And then they told me the story the next morning as I was like, I'm going to kill myself.

[C]

So you never woke up. And they got the bong.

[A]

They got the bong.

[C]

Nice. That's a win.

[A]

Shout out to Forrest. Shout out to Forrest. Alex, three stories down, where are points at?

[E]

All right. In last place with one point, Francis Ellis. In fourth place with two points, Micah Fox. Tied for second place with four points each, Louis J. Gomez and Big J Oderson.

[C]

Hand turkeys.

[E]

And in the lead with six points, Levfer.

[A]

Levfer, holding on to that, leads that.

[C]

Book, do you know? Set in 1958 North Carolina, a walk to Remember is a warm reflection on how a little faith and a pure heart can transform even the most cynical of people, including Landon. Jamie's simple acts of kindness teach Landon to open himself and that faith is essential to living a life of meaning. Landon reveals that the time he had with Jamie was not merely a love story, but a journey that taught him how to truly live.

[B]

Holy shit.

[C]

Absolutely. This guy's taking care of his cancer wife, Frances Ellis finger blasting some slut. I'm here for it. I'm here for it.

[A]

All right, guys, let's take a quick moment and thank our brand new sponsor, Green Chef for supporting the show. This is a really, really great company because there's a lot of meal prep companies. There's a lot of things out there where you throw it in the microwave for a couple minutes and it's fine. It's good. This is real deal, high quality farm source ingredients. Green chef has over 40 clean, customizable weekly recipes. Low prep, but you prep it yourself. But it's truly certified organic produce and Responsibly sourced proteins and seafood.

[C]

Very responsibly.

[A]

Very responsibly. And Jay, I mean, look, you and Christine, you guys look great. I think a big part of it is because you guys have joined Green Chef.

[C]

Oh, it's probably all that. Green Chef, without a doubt, dude. Customizable weekly recipes. That's my jam. And you've been known that. Listen, this all the rage right now to have people who are fast. Two job homes. No one's ever home. No one has time to prep and cook anymore. This really does save your ass. If you want to just not eat fast food.

[A]

The shopping as well, when you have to go to having to go to like whole foods or one of these organic food places to find or go to the supermarket and trying to find all the organic stuff, it's. It's really difficult to do. So look, you got to take control of your health without the stress. Let green Chef do the research, meal planning and grocery shopping for you and enjoy low prep, low mass meals for any lifestyle.

[C]

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[A]

Graza olive oil set set in your second and third boxes, which is pretty crazy. That's high quality olive oil.

[C]

I've heard that's code. W a r z gr a z a Wars Graza green chef.com Wars Graza. You'll figure it out.

[A]

50%, baby. All right, Jay, let's take a quick moment and thank Ridge for supporting the show. We love Ridge wallet. I have one right now right here in my pocket. As always, my front pocket wallet. Amazing, high quality, really cool wallets. Made from aluminum, titanium, leather, carbon fiber. 50 colors and styles. I mean, what a cool wallet. Anytime I pull out my Ridge wallet, people are like, oh, that is a cool wallet.

[C]

Yeah, people really do look at you differently when you pull that thing out. It also does. I thought they were always. When we first got these, I thought they were all different kinds of metal. The aluminum, the titanium. But there's leather, which I didn't know that.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. The leather one's beautiful.

[C]

The leather one is beautiful. I like it very much. It still has that RFID blocking technology, that risk free trial is amazing. They have you covered for everyday essentials. Also they also have key cases, suitcases, portable chargers. They are pretty, pretty awesome and ever evolving company. Make sure right now, for a limited time, you can go our listeners Story wars. Listeners can get 10% off at Ridge by using Code wars with a Z at checkout W A R Z. Just head over to ridge.com ridge.com and use that Code wars and you're all set. It's that easy. After you purchase, they're gonna ask you where you heard about them. Please support the show. Tell them the story war sent you one more time rich.com code wars 10% off. All right, where were we? Alex? Story number four.

[E]

Story number four. A lady across the street from me would shower in front of a window several days a week for months. One day her boyfriend did it and I called the cops.

[A]

I don't know whose story this is, but this rules. Fuck.

[C]

This feels like not Micah.

[F]

I feel like Lev is sitting there so proud of himself right now.

[B]

I think this is you. I 100 think this is you.

[C]

Why?

[F]

You think I'm a narc?

[A]

Maybe. Here's the thing, I. Oh, yeah, I.

[B]

Guess this seems like a women's. A woman's joke broke. Her boyfriend did it. I called the cops.

[A]

When the big J's not doing Big J is watching intently. It doesn't matter if it's a woman or a man. That was crazy.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I don't think you guys are calling the cops ever. I'm not calling the cops. Francis might call the cops.

[D]

No, why would I?

[B]

At least an investigator.

[A]

Micah.

[F]

Let's just blamed everybody.

[A]

A woman, if she sees a man naked kid, there's a chance she's calling the cops.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

Oh, this is absurd. This was probably. This story reeks of pre2016. No one's calling the cops. We're too afraid of men.

[B]

I'm going. Micah.

[F]

No, it's Lev. That's fine. I'm going left. He's too defensive.

[B]

Says the one defending herself.

[F]

You know what? Actually, yeah, Vote for me.

[E]

Vote for me.

[F]

All of you. Do it. All you do it.

[A]

I wasn't going to until Micah said. You know what, Michael? I'm gonna take your advice right now.

[F]

You guys are so dumb right now. Okay. A lady across the street.

[A]

Well, everyone's voting for Micah. Micah, if this is you, you stink at this game.

[F]

I just helped somebody out so much right now, and it's like, really, Francis.

[A]

Did you murder a young woman? Against your dry erase board before you put it up there. What happened?

[D]

I initially was writing Jay, and then I realized I've voted for Micah every single time. So why would I change your guns, man?

[B]

I'm telling you, it's her.

[A]

It seems like you American Psychoed a woman against that board. Yeah.

[F]

This is absurd. I can't prove how this is misogyny, but I know that it is. See, I'm gonna say Lev. I feel like he was super defensive. I don't know why I'm defending this. You guys are all wrong, but one of you, I don't know.

[A]

Let's see if she's still acting for no reason at all. She's the last one to vote.

[C]

Good God.

[A]

If it's Micah, it's a whole song and dance for nothing. Nothing. Alex.

[C]

Oh, all the answers are on Alex.

[E]

Story number four belongs to Big God.

[C]

It was a good round. It was a good round. It was a good round.

[F]

You called the cops.

[A]

Who are you? Who are you?

[C]

I lived on a police station block, and I'd sit on the front steps every day in smoke. And then across the street, for some reason, someone's shower was like the window to the front of the place, like, one floor up. And this awful, awful looking lady. Just the kind of. I mean, the kind of body that you'd give her. Her privacy on normally. But as Lewis told you, I drank it in every day. I try to time my cigarettes with her showers.

[B]

I didn't know you lived across from Micah.

[F]

You look like an unshelled lobster.

[C]

They so. And then, yeah, one day I was looking up in the shower thing. They both did it very purposefully. There was a curtain that could block this from happening. They did it to the street. And then one day was a guy turned around and his. It's a little more to it that particular day. I think what I never noticed before was that the time that they do this is when the school is letting out on the block. And for some reason, though, when it was a lady, I just didn't even overthink there was kids out there. But when it was a guy's dick, I was like, and there's kids, man. And I went over to the police station. I go, so why don't you ring the bell and tell this guy, knock that shit off? And then they didn't. And I was like. I was like, oh. And they go. They go, well, he's in his own apartment. Would you want me to tell you to do that if you were in your own apartment? I Go, if I'm showing my dick to kids, I guess. And then he was like, yeah, we're not doing anything about it. He goes, you can ring his bell if you want, though. And I went too. Confrontational. Wow.

[A]

Alex, four stories down, where are points at?

[E]

In last place, with only one point, Francis Ellis.

[A]

Francis Ellis.

[D]

Do we really need to take the tally after every round? Is anyone struggling to do the math?

[B]

I like it.

[E]

In fourth place with two points, Micah Fox. In third place with four points, Luis J. Gomez. In second place with six points, Levfer. And in the lead with eight points, Big J. Oversense.

[A]

They love it.

[C]

Swoop. We swooped.

[A]

We are at the halfway point of the show. Let's do some quick plugs. Francis. The show will be coming out, I think in 2028. Alex, when does this come out? We have a little while.

[E]

Yeah. Toward the end of January.

[A]

Jesus Christ. Holy shit, Francis. So if you have anything to plug.

[D]

February or beyond, honestly, I'm just happy to be here.

[A]

Hell yeah. Francis Ellis. Guys, come on. Microphone Fox.

[F]

Yeah. Please follow my podcast.

[E]

Great.

[F]

Hang with Mike and Tim and check me out on social media at Y K A F O X. Micah Fox.

[A]

So funny. A legend. Guess isn't a legend. Michael Fox. Left firm.

[B]

I guess. If this is out in time, come see me. Take my half hour. Thanks to Louis J. Gomez at the Creek in the Cave in Austin. That'll be great. And Winnipeg and some other places. Coming up, watch Cockfight podcast.

[A]

Hell yeah. Cockfight. Very funny. Big show.

[B]

A lot of fans in the room. As you can hear.

[C]

BigJComedy.com for all my dates. It's. Hey, you know, it's almost February. Looking forward to spring. Happy Black History Month, everybody. Valentine's Day is right around the corner. Get your loved ones a ticket to see one of my shows wherever I'm at. Then listen to the bonfire five days a week faction talk series XM103 with me and the great Robert Kelly. And of course, the flagship show over here, Cast Digital, the Legion of Skanks.

[A]

Hell yeah Los baby. Come see me on the road. Limousinesk.com Lots of live dates coming up. Make sure you check out all the other pods that I do. The regs. Legion of Skanks. My. My solo podcast on my. On my mailing [e-mail] and real ass podcast. Just coming back to all platforms now. Make sure also if you love the show, we do an uncensored and ad free version of the show. Comes out every Monday night. You get it before it goes anywhere. Else, go to gasdigital.com. there's also dozens of episodes that aren't available anymore that they're exclusive for. Gas Digital. Subscribe to Gas Digital. Use the promo code war and save a couple bucks a month and you get to enjoy the show ad free, uncensored, with a pre release and have the on demand library.

[D]

All right, can I just say something really quickly?

[C]

You sure? Shit can, Jay.

[D]

I've never told you this, but one time you were supposed to play Helium Indianapolis and you canceled, I think, like the week of. And they reached out to me and asked me if I would fill in, and they said, it's all good. You're gonna do fine. He sold a good amount of tickets, and I said, sure. And I went. And 100% of the people who had bought tickets to CU refunded their tickets when they found out I was going. And to this day, it's the least amount of money I've ever made on a weekend.

[B]

It's called loyalty.

[C]

I appreciate the loyalty, but go see Francis.

[D]

Hilarious.

[A]

Oh, don't.

[D]

Don't see me.

[A]

He said, don't see me.

[D]

Don't see me. I'm not Jay.

[C]

This is. We have reached our final four stories, the second half of the show. The people of you that know. No, but, Francis, you are probably feeling a little bit out of this game. But don't worry, that can turn around so quickly with just one story, one round. Because for those final four stories, we go double points.

[B]

Hang on a second. Did you say we're going double points?

[A]

Yeah, Lev, he said we're going double points.

[F]

Five hours later.

[A]

Hang on.

[C]

Just so we're clear. Well, it is a simple concept, though. Before, if you fooled somebody, you got one point, and if you guessed the correct person, you got two points. But, Lev, why don't you tell them how that goes now?

[B]

Now you get it. Double porch, baby.

[A]

The Muslims fucking love this. They love it.

[C]

This show is halal hand turkey. Hand turkey. Me.

[A]

Alex. Story number five.

[E]

Story number five. We used to play a game in sports where we showered as a team where you had to cover your eyes, only look at your teammates from the waist down and see if you could identify the entire team by their privates.

[B]

That's Francis.

[F]

Francis.

[B]

That's Francis. This is rowing.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

This. This screams how you get into Harvard.

[B]

They had to change it to sports because whatever the sport was, was out of our tax bracket. It was something specific when you're playing lacrosse.

[D]

I love that. I love that you guys are so unathletic. That you just assume it has to like that you've never played a sport where anyone would shower together.

[C]

Well, I played neighborhood sports. So if we shower together, it was gay.

[D]

Does this not seem gay to you?

[A]

Overall?

[C]

Yeah, judging. I mean. Can I tell you something? I love the game more than I like taking showers with a bunch of guys. But my thing here. Okay, that was fast. I'm thinking Micah and I'll tell you why. Used to play a game in sports. What a goofy term. That could also be Luis J. Gomez, who would also say a game in sports.

[A]

I love sports.

[F]

That's a good point.

[B]

Wait, has Micah had a story?

[A]

I'm sure I'm sports tastic.

[C]

That doesn't really matter. Like the numbers game doesn't matter too. Too much.

[A]

No, that. Yeah. So it's all completely randomized.

[C]

We've already said we've had it once. Karen Feehan. Right. Karen Feehan won.

[A]

Karen Feehan won the game. She didn't have a story.

[C]

Red. Yeah. So it can go that way for sure. So that doesn't matter necessarily. But I do understand the instinct to go. Someone hasn't yet. But here's the thing.

[B]

Don't you think it'd be harder to identify pussies?

[D]

Yeah, no.

[C]

I think I could tell when someone's.

[A]

No, I can identify pussies. Lev Furr, Francis Ellis, Big J Okerson.

[F]

Let's go.

[C]

I was gonna go. Tucked away. One lip bigger than the other. Never seen the sun. That's a child.

[A]

That's a child.

[C]

Anal gape. Show me your lady. I'll tell you what her pussy looks like. So.

[B]

I didn't miss once. Sounds like Francis to me. It's like quick, there's no fat on the punch. I think that's it.

[A]

So here's the thing. If I had to. If I had to be. If I had to shower with somebody for a sport, I would quit the sport immediately. I didn't shower in gym class. It wasn't happening, dude.

[D]

For what it's worth.

[A]

Me either.

[C]

Dude.

[A]

No way, dude. There's it. It ain't happening. I remember I would have. I would have quit high school had they made me.

[C]

Dude.

[A]

The one you.

[C]

Not the one year, my senior year where I went to a high school where it was like changed into your gym uniform and then shower afterwards. I just didn't exert in gym class.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I think if Jay knew this game was being played in locker rooms, he'd be a D1 athlete right now.

[C]

No way, dude. Cuz what if everyone. Everyone's Going to identify me so quick. Oh, I guess the fat guy with the pud. Let me guess. Boring ass offensive lineman Jay Okerson. I'm all right. This is Micah. Fucking scoping out box.

[F]

Oh, you have such a. You have such a hard on. Lev, did you play sports growing up?

[B]

I played a tiny bit of middle school football.

[D]

That was it.

[F]

A tiny bit.

[A]

It was. Tiny bit. When? You're just kidding.

[B]

This is not me, I promise.

[D]

I remember freshman year in high school, I played on the freshman basketball team at a Jesuit school. And the first day we all.

[C]

These are hairy dicks.

[D]

We all. Everybody wore bathing suits to shower. And I quit.

[B]

You wanted to make it see the dicks.

[C]

What? I didn't want to miss a weird reason.

[D]

I didn't want to miss skiing.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[D]

And we had to. We would have missed all of our ski weekends.

[C]

You got to put more dot, dot, dots between those two parts of the story. Couldn't see Dixie anymore, so I quit.

[A]

Is Francis Ellis.

[D]

How did you do that?

[F]

That's really cool.

[D]

That's amazing.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[D]

But I didn't play games in sports. I played sports.

[B]

Yeah, sports is a game.

[F]

No, it's a. The game is looking at the genitals during sports.

[D]

I write better than this. Are you fucking kidding me? This is a disaster of syntax tax.

[B]

I don't pay tax, Francis. I don't know what you're talking about.

[C]

Taxes are a sin. What are you, Dave Smith?

[B]

Dude, you're wasting a vote.

[D]

Genuinely, Francis, you've thrown us a couple times left.

[A]

All of our answers are in Alex.

[E]

Story number five belongs to Micah Francis Ellis.

[D]

I'm so glad I'm not. I don't have to submit anymore because, honestly, I didn't realize that writing such long answers was gonna betray me, so clearly, this is shameful shit. You guys don't have the attention span to write more than one sentence, so I tried.

[B]

Word economy is the only economy these rich folks don't give a shit about.

[C]

Thanks for getting down here in the muck with us, bro.

[F]

He's just fun because usually he never misses once.

[A]

So, Francis, so what was your secret here in being so successful in genitalia identifying?

[D]

Yeah, well, you got to know each other pretty well halfway through the season. I mean, we. You weren't good. So you just said, what sport was this? Lacrosse. Didn't you? What did you say? Lacrosse?

[F]

Yes, ma'.

[B]

Am.

[D]

I thought someone said rowing.

[B]

I said rowing.

[D]

Oh, okay. No, I didn't row.

[C]

You could have, though, dude. You could have.

[D]

They were monsters. Those guys, you could have.

[C]

Dude, those shoulders.

[D]

Dude, you could have told 66 Behemoth.

[C]

You'd have been so good on crazy.

[D]

No way. They were too strong. I couldn't have done that.

[C]

They should be in the skulls.

[F]

He'd be counting all the Cox in.

[A]

Alex, five stories down, where are our points at?

[E]

In last place with three points, Francis Ellis.

[C]

Got me, got me, got me on that one.

[E]

In fourth place with six points, Micah Fox. Tied for third place with eight points each, Louis J. Gomez and Big J Okerson.

[C]

We're in the heart and in the.

[E]

Lead with 10 points, Lev Furr.

[A]

Lev holding onto his lead.

[B]

I'm back.

[A]

Five stories in Alex, story number six.

[E]

Story number six. I went to visit my aunt who was sick with cancer. And after she fell asleep, I had a threesome with her friend and some dude.

[B]

I can smell her pussy from here.

[C]

That's a fucking psychotic story for a chick to tell. If this is Micah.

[B]

It'S gotta be Micah, because it's a threesome with another dude.

[A]

That doesn't mean it's me.

[F]

That could easily be Jay.

[A]

Wait, wait.

[C]

You know, do you have some history of fucking dudes?

[B]

Have either of you had an aunt with cancer?

[A]

Is this. Hold on. Is this two dudes for sure?

[B]

Yes. Yes.

[A]

Where? Hold on. No, no, we don't know who. The other. We don't know.

[C]

I went to visit my aunt who was sick with cancer. A threesome with her friend, who we're assuming is a woman.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I was. And some dude, I assume. Two chicks and a dude.

[F]

That's what I assume, too.

[D]

Well, then that would mean it was you.

[F]

Or it would mean, if that's what.

[C]

You assume, Micah, that would be you.

[F]

Or it could be you, Mr.

[E]

Counter.

[D]

I've already had two stories. I don't think it's me.

[A]

Well, hold on. So, you know, Francis, you could have three gonna four.

[D]

Is that so?

[A]

Oh, 100%.

[C]

No.

[A]

You have zero stories. It is literally we. So everyone submits three to five stories. They're randomly generated or they're randomly chosen. So it could be zero stories. It could be all five stories.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Who's had an aunt with cancer?

[C]

Have you?

[A]

Everyone's aunt has cancer. They're aunts. That's what those do. They die of cancer.

[C]

Eventually. Your aunts do die of cancer.

[D]

It's. It's how you get out of homework assignments.

[C]

And then who here hasn't had a threesome with your aunt's friend while she was sick with cancer?

[A]

I mean, that's Some diabolical right there. J would if he could, but he can, so he didn't.

[C]

By the way.

[B]

It's a Dr. Seuss.

[C]

By the way.

[F]

Why can't he the man?

[C]

When the man's right, the man's right. Right? Could if I would. Couldn't, so I didn't.

[B]

Some dude. Sounds like a chick.

[C]

Roda.

[B]

Some dude.

[A]

If this is Micah, Micah's a badass, and I'm a. I'm a fan.

[F]

No, that makes it you, then. Lewis is trying to.

[A]

I don't think so.

[F]

Do you think there's a. It's a real ass dude who would have sex with some.

[A]

This is the real ass dude of the century.

[C]

Some dude.

[B]

But this is a sex degenerate guy. Aunt's dying friend.

[C]

Yeah, but what if the guy was like, hey, want to come bang your aunt's friend with me? Oh, yeah, I guess.

[A]

I guess I do.

[C]

Do I have to touch wieners with you? It's not a deal breaker. I just want to know.

[D]

I'm so curious, how, in this situation, are you bi?

[A]

Curious.

[C]

That's the question.

[D]

I am.

[C]

My auntie's friend Derek has a really rigid penis.

[D]

I'm curious how, in a situation filled with grief and, like, being somber, there was just some dude there.

[A]

How is everyone is horny enough to fuck?

[C]

Oh. Cause a guy has a threesome, he can't pay his respects. Who do you.

[D]

Who do you not know in that room?

[A]

Room?

[D]

You know what I mean? Like, you're in a hospital room with your white. Your aunt dying and like.

[B]

Hospital.

[D]

Oh, right.

[B]

It was this lady.

[D]

I forgot about it.

[F]

She's the friend for sure.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what? In a weird way, I'm getting a Micah vibe on this story. We haven't had a Micah story yet. This is not. This seems like a dude story, but it could be Micah.

[F]

If you're doing this to yourself, themselves again.

[B]

You and your Micah. Coke night.

[C]

You and your aunt's friends sucked off some old man visiting your dying aunt.

[F]

I can't believe you guys are doing this to yourself.

[C]

We're only six days from Hanukkah.

[F]

One of you guys, another dude.

[A]

Can't believe you're such a Micah.

[C]

How could you do this so close to on Dreidel Day?

[B]

It's either you or Louis.

[F]

It's Lewis. It's got to be Lewis. I can't believe you guys are doing this to yourselves again.

[C]

Lewis would do this, as would I.

[A]

I would love to. If this happened, you would know the story.

[C]

Lewis is more Likely to have the threesome. What he doesn't have is an aunt who's sick with cancer. Ever. He's got one aunt, and she's going to live like a roach. So she's 300 years old and Anne.

[A]

Marie, 88 years old. Shout out, Anne Marie. She's watching right now. She loves the show. Aunt Emery. Don't worry, Aunt Emery. I didn't. Your friend. What if she doesn't want. She's on the edge of her chair right now. She's like, oh, no.

[C]

She's like, do I have cancer, Gloria? Is this how I find out I have cancer? I'm so bad at this game, Lewis. People are guessing, Lewis. I don't.

[E]

Story number six belongs to Micah Fox.

[A]

Micah, you savage.

[C]

By the way, did you see how I accidentally put my napkins in a Jewish star?

[A]

That's insane. Micah, tell us the story.

[F]

I should have just said a threesome. I really could have taken a few more of you down. I was visiting my aunt. She was sick, and she had a friend who brought her weed to make her feel better. And then her friend whispers in my ear. She's like, check out the bathroom. And I go into the bathroom, and there's one of the biggest lines of coke raked all across the thing. And I was like, are you fucking kidding me? Right? So of course I do the.

[C]

Did your aunt get cancer? Young. Young.

[F]

No, she was old as. And so was her friend.

[A]

Hold on.

[C]

Her friend's like, hey, you want to do coke? I'm 67, by the way.

[F]

Yeah, she was like, in her 50s maybe.

[A]

Is there a chance that it was only that size of a line of coke because of the size of your nose?

[F]

Yeah, there's a chance.

[C]

Oh, POV situation.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, Gotcha.

[F]

Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead.

[A]

Sorry.

[F]

No, no, we're gonna let the anti Semitism sink in.

[C]

That's why these two love the show so much.

[F]

This is how we lose you guys. Yeah. So she got me all coked up, and then she's like, well, I gotta go. My boyfriend now. But I was, like, all, like, up for my cancer aunt and, like, wired on coke. I was like, I can't be alone.

[A]

How old was this?

[C]

How old were you?

[A]

We're such creeps.

[C]

We wanted. Hey, before I whack off. So this. How old were you?

[F]

I was like, 25.

[A]

And how old were they? Turkey. How old were. How old was the aunt's friend?

[F]

50 something.

[A]

50 something. And how old was the friend? Aunt's friend's boyfriend?

[F]

40 or 50.

[A]

Wow. This is an old ass couple.

[F]

Yeah. It was disgusting. It was truly gross. And we had. We left the house to go to do the threesome, of course. And so we go to this other house and it turns out that house didn't belong to either of those two people. They were like house sitting. Cuz she was cheating on her husband with this guy high. It was like a wild time.

[B]

Can you imagine having a ride one of those electric chairs up the stairs to have a threesome?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

While you're coked up.

[C]

Did that guy come come? Or was it like mummy coughs?

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

At 40 or 50.

[B]

Jay.

[A]

Jay. That's your age.

[C]

Oh, I thought that. I thought you said 50. Late 50s. Your. The aunt was or the aunt's friend was?

[E]

My aunt.

[F]

My aunt was like almost like she was in her 60s. But the friends were 50s.

[A]

Was it. There was nothing hot about it, you.

[F]

Know, it was so gross for them.

[C]

There was.

[B]

This is the best night of their lives.

[F]

They were thrills.

[B]

Yeah, that was.

[A]

That was it all.

[C]

You did all the stuff with everybody?

[F]

No, no, no, no, no, I didn't. I barely did anything with anybody. I was just.

[E]

Didn't want.

[C]

You didn't eat your aunt's friend's?

[F]

No, but.

[C]

This woman's about to punch you in the face. You think she did 71 months at Rikers?

[F]

Are you fucking kidding me? A 25 year old in this threesome? I'm a pillow princess, bitch.

[C]

Aw, that's fair.

[A]

She ate your pussy.

[C]

You know what?

[E]

Fuck yeah.

[A]

Yes, she did.

[C]

Yes. Queen.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

I do my tongue out. I do this. Lewis, I'm proud of you.

[D]

You slept with the guy though?

[F]

No, I didn't want anything to do with him.

[D]

Oh, he watched. I'm sorry. How were you involved?

[F]

They fucked. I was just kind of like along for the ride.

[D]

Died.

[C]

He watched you scissor your aunt's friend Janice?

[F]

Oh, he watched her eat me out. Yeah.

[C]

What was her name?

[F]

Oh, if I remember. But I heard the funeral later. It was awkward.

[A]

Oh, your aunt died?

[F]

My aunt eventually died, yeah.

[A]

No, cancer took her.

[C]

Did you see the guy in a suit?

[B]

You know, he would help me with the grief is running it back.

[F]

He's like, yeah, I want to watched the funeral too.

[C]

So he whacked off and watched you?

[F]

Yeah, I think so.

[C]

Did he run over and blast one on your thigh? That's what I would have done if I was an old creep.

[A]

Alex, six stories down, where are points at?

[E]

All right after six stories. In last place with three points. Francis Ellis.

[D]

Yeah. We know it ain't over. Don't do that.

[C]

It ain't over.

[A]

Over.

[E]

In fourth place with eight points, Micah Fox. Tied for second place with 12 points each, Lis J. Gomez and Big J Okerson. And in the lead with 14 points, Lev first.

[B]

Let's go.

[C]

Look at that focus. He's focused. Left fur locked in, they call that.

[B]

And just to recolor Alex, all the last ones are double points.

[A]

It's so funny. We had a, we had. A woman came up to me before the show started and she's like, I am from France, I'm such a big fan of yours. And I just watch her, I just watch her going, having international, yet she's.

[C]

Doing like an American.

[A]

Oh, dumb Americans go, oh, you're so stupid American.

[C]

You go, oh, like big dumb gorillas.

[B]

Maybe you and Micah can Eiffel Tower me?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You got any dying family members you want to scissor Micah over?

[A]

Took us that long to get there.

[C]

It's been a long day.

[D]

That's in France. That's actually the sound they make at soccer games when black players get the ball. I don't know if you guys know that. It's a real problem over there.

[C]

Problem.

[D]

It's a real problem. There's no way to stamp it out because there's so many of them doing it. It's endemic.

[C]

It's with a giant stadium group. Think.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

All right guys, let's take a quick moment and thank Turtle beach for being a Story wars supporting sponsor. We love Turtle Beach. Been with us for a long time. Incredible, incredible hardware for gamers specifically. Not just gamers of podcasters as well. I use the Gen 3 Self 700 headsets to podcast. That's how good they sound and that's how good they. They sound in your ear and that's how good the microphone sounds. Truly crystal clear sound with an 80 hour battery life and the most comfortable headset that you'll ever use. Jay, I know this is your big Christmas gift that you get all of your brothers and well, I did the.

[C]

Brother in laws, I did all the. I already got them the headset. So this year I went back and got them more. Like they have racing wheels. More than one. They have like the joystick, like all the gaming stuff. I'll never understand. I'm not a nerd. I got pussy. I stayed getting pussy always. So I don't know, but I guess fucking geeks love this shit.

[A]

They do. They have controllers, mice, keyboards. They truly have everything. This is a great gift for that gamer in Your life or just that person in life who wants some, some high quality I guess.

[C]

Dude, I'm getting head.

[A]

All you got to do right now is head over to turtlebeach.com use the promo code wars with a Z W A R Z ARZ 10% off your entire order today. Turtlebeach.com use that promo code wars with a Z to save 10% today. All right, let's take a quick moment story warriors and thank Body Brain Coffee for supporting the show. Body Coffee is a company that I started almost a year ago at this point and people really do love it. Not only is it delicious Colombian freeze dried coffee that's super premium and, and just tastes great, but it's blended with amazing adaptogens and nootropics that will help you support your testosterone naturally and your brain function. It's got Tonkat Ali. Oh, Jay who? Tonkat Ali.

[C]

Different guy.

[A]

Tonka Ali, which has been clinically proven to support your testosterone. Lion's mane which helps with memory and brain function. Ashwagandha which really makes you, it helps with mood and overall just stress. And L theanine which smooths everything out. So if you get jitters from coffee it'll. It really does help out. It's. It's pretty great. Great compound.

[C]

Uhm, and it all can go in your butt safely.

[A]

It cannot go in your butt. Don't tell people that Jay. That's a. I think that will probably cause people problems actually. I don't know if it will.

[C]

What kind of coffee is this?

[A]

Right now go to bodybraincoffee.com and we're gonna give you a pretty amazing deal. If you use the promo code Wars20, you're gonna save 20% off today. You can also subscribe for and free shipping for life. So if you subscribe, you get 20 off, you get free shipping for life. So just go to bodybraincoffee.com and give it a try. Let me know what you think. You can go to Amazon, you can get anywhere you guys want. All right, where were we? Alex, story number seven.

[E]

Story number seven. The first time I ever sent a nude, I'd been bullied into doing so.

[C]

This is gorgeous. Ass left.

[B]

That's funny cause I thought it was you bullied. I'd attach that to you. I don't think Lewis is getting bullied.

[C]

Into sending a nude.

[A]

That's my opening line. I was like here's my cock, bitch.

[C]

I'd been bullied into bullied.

[B]

Hell, I could see you getting negged into sending a nude A dick pic.

[C]

I don't know if I've ever had a woman be like, I'd really love a dick from you. Usually I've had bullying. I've had the game of like, well, if I send this, what am I gonna get? I go, I'll send you a picture of my dick if you want. Would you want that? And if they're like, yeah, I go, all right, then. But that's not bullying. That's everyone settling for a situation so she has an excuse to send a picture of her pussy without feeling like a piece of shit slut.

[A]

I mean, this could be Micah's story. Micah did it in the last one. But once again, we have stories in a row all the time.

[F]

Yeah, we both all have chased it.

[A]

I'm going from my own perspective here. I have bullied so many women into sending me nudes that I feel like I understand this as being a woman's story.

[C]

Oh, Alex, I guess you don't care about food for your baby. Send the pussy. Edit the clip.

[A]

Sometimes you gotta bully these. Is there. There's no. Is somebody playing the flute in the crowd? Did you hear that? Somebody laughs like an E minor played from a flute.

[C]

Of course you went, I love bullying. I love Lewis bullying people in the nudes.

[F]

What if it. Someone got bullied into sending it to somebody else? Like, not bullied by the person, by the recipient, but bullied. Like, like.

[C]

That sounds like an SVU case.

[B]

That sounded like a big deflection. Lewis might have a point.

[F]

You know what? You know what I mean?

[A]

It sounds like somebody knows exactly what the story is.

[F]

Now I look guilty. No, I'm trying to figure out which one of you did it, but it could. I don't think it was necessarily a woman bullying you to sending a dick pic. I think, like, one of you bullied the other.

[A]

Melting down right now is my guard, Francis.

[B]

I could also see Francis being bullied into this.

[C]

I thought so, too.

[D]

Nobody could bully me into sending a nude.

[C]

It's possible.

[B]

Do you send dick pics?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

An older woman, maybe. You're my dying friend.

[D]

But what would they be like? What are they going to say to me? What if they were like, me feel so shamed I feel like bully.

[C]

If it's one of the guys here. Bullied is being used in the most playful of terms. Or if somebody. Micah, was attacked.

[F]

I'll say this. When you attack a woman for sex, you don't do it over the phone.

[C]

Sure, some people do.

[A]

If I was getting bullied for dick pics, I would just start sending more and more dick pics as I'm coming. I'm like, oh, you want to see them?

[C]

Here's a whole video of me finishing screaming your name.

[A]

Stephen.

[C]

Stephen. I'm Bully Stevens.

[A]

Look at my face. That's my face right there.

[C]

Fuck you, Gooch.

[A]

Oh, fuck you, Gooch.

[B]

He finishes. He's like. And that is how you stand up to bullies. You see, James? That's how it's done.

[C]

So you go to school with your head up high and your cock always half hard in case you have to masturbate for one of these bullies.

[A]

It ain't me. No one thinks it's me. Nobody's bullying me for nudes like our friends.

[C]

Again, you might have used it in a playful term, but I. But I'm gonna.

[A]

What are you going for me be an idiot?

[C]

No, no, no, no. I'm saying you could have. A guy could have used this in a playful way. But if it's. If it feels like Micah, but that feels like somebody could be throwing it that direction.

[B]

As soon as I looked at Micah, she immediately looked away to Francis also.

[C]

Lev though, was a fucking good boy. He was a good boy.

[B]

I haven't seen dick pics since I was 14.

[C]

I know you were bullied when you.

[A]

Were 14 years old because it was Lev's very young.

[C]

Because it was your 55 year old Mexican.

[A]

Everyone agrees with Lev. Look, everyone thinks it's lab.

[D]

That's exactly everyone.

[A]

Look at Lev doing a final for no reason. I'm rushing.

[B]

It's not me. You up?

[C]

Let me say, and maybe it's not going to be him, but I'll say, yeah, I believe it completely is. This is Liv. He's a handsome guy. Always younger man. First time. It could be a woman making him do it. For sure you were. You lost your virginity pretty late, right?

[B]

Jay, I swear on your life, this is not me. And 19 years old.

[C]

Just so you know, Lewis was setting me up to commit suicide earlier. So I don't know who my friends are. I'm so confused, Alex.

[E]

Story number seven belongs to Lev Fer.

[A]

Left you fooled no one.

[C]

Damn.

[A]

How old were you?

[B]

I was actually 14 or 14 or 15 or something. And this already for of a 14 year old from another school hit me up and she was like. She like sent a pic of her non tits tits just out of nowhere. And then she was like, send me your dick. And I was like, I had a. You know, I got my father's penis. So I was like, oh, it's attached to me.

[C]

I can't send it.

[A]

What do you mean non tits?

[B]

Like, she's 14, you know, she was Indian.

[A]

She had like pieces of non for tits.

[C]

These girls Right here are 16 and 17 respectively.

[F]

You remember that?

[B]

So I go, oh, I've got bad signal right now, actually, because I was like genuinely so scared. I was like, oh my God, I have to. I don't want to send my penis. And then she goes, oh, so you have a tiny dick. And that hurts so bad that I spent the next four hours.

[C]

What if.

[A]

Trying to make your dick hard enough to take a picture.

[C]

I never thought I would agree with calling a 14 year old a whore pig bitch, but Jesus Christ, fuck that chick.

[B]

Yeah. So she made me feel so bad that I then spent the next like the whole night trying to get my first ever dick bit pick. And it was so pathetic. And I ended up never sent it.

[C]

And when she said, what, do you have a little dick? You should be like, well, bigger than your tits.

[B]

Well, I sent it and then she just wrote, eh, Eh.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

No wonder your mustache is going away. That's stressful.

[B]

Yep. And yeah, but she kept sending nudes for a little while while after that, so.

[D]

All right, so you won.

[B]

Yeah. Overall positive experience.

[C]

Overall positive experience.

[D]

I would say it's important.

[C]

It's important.

[A]

Seven stories down and I still have them.

[B]

Who wants to see those nudes?

[A]

Child nudes. Seven stories down. Alex, where are points?

[C]

We'll put a link in the comments.

[E]

With seven points. Having never left last place.

[B]

Jesus Christ, Francis Ellis.

[D]

I already own that fucking book, okay? I don't need that book. We all just relax.

[C]

The story of A Walk to Remember has done everything it could possibly do for you already, Francis.

[D]

No more juice to be squeezed from that book. The movie, on the other hand.

[E]

In fourth place with 12 points, Micah Fox. In third place with 14 points, Le Ferra. And tied for the lead with 16 points each, Louis J. Gomez and Big J Okerson.

[C]

We are so fucking close to taking home A Walk to remember. Which reminds the reader that life might be short, but the bond of love is eternal. Innocent small town romance blossoms between Landon and Jamie. Until Jamie reveals she is very sick and has terminal cancer. This devastating news forces Landon to quickly mature and ask if she can fuck her aunt's friend.

[A]

That's not what it says, dude. Read that closely.

[C]

Sorry. Leading him to plan the ultimate act of commitment. Marriage. The opposite. The opposite of a threesome fuckathon with the elderly while your aunt's on hospice.

[A]

One more story you guys ready for our final story? Come on, folks.

[C]

Last story tonight, our newest biggest fans.

[A]

They love it. Alex, story number eight.

[E]

Story number eight. I got in trouble in elementary school for looking at a boy's penis without his consent.

[B]

That's either Micah or Jay.

[C]

I think. Lewis.

[A]

You think I raped a boy?

[C]

No, you just looked at his penis without him saying it was okay.

[A]

That's irate.

[C]

Yeah. You've looked at penises that you're not supposed to before.

[A]

I don't think that's true.

[C]

So have I, though.

[F]

If it's visible, then that's the consent.

[A]

That's a great point, Micah. Micah defending herself in the story.

[C]

Sure, I was in the men's room, but he knew his dick was out.

[D]

I don't know a world where Micah is exposed to consent bearing penises in middle school, so I'm ruling her out.

[A]

I do feel like Francis, he was on a lacrosse team. They do not respect. Respect consent at all.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that was Harvard. That was Duke. He was at Harvard.

[D]

I don't know if you know, they were totally acquitted of that, but not.

[C]

In the court of public opinion. I know evidence wise, it was completely thing. And that woman actually murdered her own boyfriend several months later, but still, I don't know why it sounds right.

[A]

Every lacrosse player for the past 20 years has had to be like, hey, you know they were acquitted of that.

[C]

Yeah, thank God. He goes, hey, you got to watch that 30 for 30. 30.

[D]

It was a. It was a really good 30 for 30.

[C]

It was a fantastic 30 for 30. And every time I watch it, I go, all right, they didn't do it.

[B]

Lev, I think this is Micah, man.

[F]

No, this is somewhere where they have, like, a school with rules.

[E]

Right?

[F]

So it's not Lewis or this either.

[B]

It's either Micah, like a guy had his dick out, or this is like a. A boy's bathroom thing.

[F]

That's what it's got.

[C]

But getting in trouble, like you were looking at someone's penis enough that it became a thing.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

If this is Louis, he's lying. Because I would definitely know this. That Lewis got in trouble for ogling a man's penis. It's gotta be that side of the table.

[A]

I'm letting you guys know that I've never been in trouble for ogling a man's penis.

[C]

I looked at plenty of penises when I was a young man, but they were. I would never have asked if there was consent or not. I would just be like, yeah, there's dicks out staring At a.

[A]

What is the scenario in which you're staring at another little bit boy's penis?

[C]

Oh, name it. Waiting in line at Pat Steaks. We talking Philly here? Trying.

[B]

You're at my house trying to get.

[C]

Cheap tickets to the.

[A]

How many stories has Lev had so far?

[B]

It's not me, I swear.

[C]

But how many?

[B]

I swear on Jay's life. Again.

[C]

Oh, my God. Last time he would, he let me die.

[A]

But I mean, Lev, where'd you grow up?

[B]

I grew up in North Carolina.

[A]

North Carolina. See, that's some like, anti gay down south.

[B]

Consent is not a word I'd use. That's why I think it's either Mike or Francis.

[F]

Consent is not a word you.

[B]

It's another one of those highfalutin terms. I don't know.

[C]

My seminar after learning annex called no means yes. The live first story.

[B]

I don't speak French.

[A]

See, I feel like. Like this is like a Southern story. You guys were in gym class. You looked over at somebody else's for a little too long and the coach was like, we ain't got no. No room for queers in this locker room.

[B]

Doggy, I swear to you it's not me. I promise you. Promise you.

[A]

Lev is lying.

[C]

It's either Aaron Lewis's life.

[B]

It's either Jay, Mike or Francis.

[F]

So you've got it narrowed down.

[C]

Good. Good. You think it's Liv.

[A]

I think it's Lev.

[B]

I promise you it's not me.

[A]

It's bad. Actually.

[B]

It is me. Vote for me.

[F]

What is this?

[B]

Vote for me, pussy.

[E]

You won't.

[B]

You fucking won't. Lock it in.

[C]

Pussy.

[B]

Wait, wait, wait.

[C]

Wait for Jay to lock it.

[B]

Write it down and lock it in.

[C]

I didn't say you. Why are you yelling at me? I haven't even written anything. I still think it might be Micah.

[A]

Guys, man. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Lock it in.

[C]

Lock it in.

[B]

Don't be a pussy.

[A]

This is me. It ain't me. Douglas.

[C]

I think it might be Lewis.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The whole game comes down to this vote.

[A]

This is it right here. You know what, Francis?

[C]

You're not going to catch up with crazy.

[A]

I'm going left for our final answer.

[D]

I don't have a. Yeah, I'm out of it.

[F]

It's got to be Lewis or Jay, but I don't know.

[A]

You're an idiot. You're an idiot, J.

[C]

You're an idiot. Jay.

[A]

You know what I like. We're tied right now. We've been doing so many ties lately that no matter what, we're not tied at Least.

[C]

Yeah. So I win.

[A]

No, you don't win.

[B]

Oh, God. So this is my chance to win. I can come back here. I just got to guess it right?

[A]

If you guess it right, I honestly, I don't know how the score is working right now. But you can still win this.

[B]

Lewis or Micah. That's who it is.

[F]

Or it's le.

[C]

Micah's my second choice.

[B]

She always is.

[A]

Sounds good.

[C]

I don't mean that you're my first choice for looking at penis without consent. If anybody up here was going to look at my penis without consent, I would hope it's you.

[B]

Oh, God.

[C]

I don't mind if there's no consent. I would like a little warning so I can get it ready. But consent's not our issue.

[B]

I really thought this was Micah at first. I'm might have to trust my gut.

[A]

Here, and that's a big gut.

[C]

You gotta learn how to treat people better, dude. You can't treat people like that.

[B]

This could be the big J origin story, though. That's the thing.

[C]

It could be from the ashes.

[B]

This could be where it all started, you know?

[C]

From the ashes. Dude, I look at some kid's penis until he got weird enough to tell. I would never stop talking about that. That the time I stared a. Until I got in trouble.

[B]

I think you stared at a cock.

[C]

And then you're like, so what do.

[B]

You do for a living?

[C]

Hey, have you ever. The black guy.

[F]

I'm going, Lewis.

[A]

Mike. No, Micah, you're an idiot.

[C]

No, Lewis is panicking. Hang on. That's fine.

[B]

I'm going with the horse.

[F]

I guess you've never grieved before.

[C]

Oh, I feel good. Oh, I feel good. I feel good. Oh, I think I feel good.

[A]

Is it you, Alex?

[E]

Story number eight belongs to Louis.

[A]

Yeah. Emmett. Leah. Shout out. Emmett. Leah. He was. Sorry, I'm getting emotional. He was in the stall next to me. And to be funny, I stood up on the toilet and I looked over the stall and I looked at a little wiener and I went, woo.

[C]

Woo.

[A]

And then he looked at me and he was like. And then he hid himself for me and then ran out of the bathroom. Then I was like, oh, that's weird. And then I peed. And then I went back to the class. And then like 15 minutes later, there was an announcement. I was like, louis Gomez, please come to the principal's office. And I was like, louis J. Gomez.

[B]

Louis J. Gomez, please bring your hungry eyes to the principal's office.

[C]

Word. Has you been eye fucking one of our students here?

[A]

Say, I Went down and I don't know if I got suspended.

[B]

You went down.

[A]

I went down.

[C]

That was the only one.

[A]

I went down to the principal's office and I got a shot. I might have been actually suspended for some version of elementary school sexual assault.

[C]

For gay sexual assault. Gay.

[A]

Gay.

[B]

This was your origin story.

[A]

I was so close. It was gay elementary school. Alex, eight stories down, where are points at final point spread of the game? Game.

[E]

All right. In last place with seven points, Francis Ellis.

[C]

Still looks good. Still looks good. Not a scratch.

[D]

It's good. It's good. It's. It's good for me to lose. I need it sometimes.

[C]

You were so good at all those games in sports. Now it's the fast sort of the fat's time to rise.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

In fourth place with 14 points, lev fur.

[A]

I lost him.

[E]

In third place with 16 points, Micah Fox. And tied for first place with 20 points each, big J oversen and Louis J. Gomez. Lot.

[A]

Lots of ties happening lately. The way the tiebreaker works is me and Big J are both going to gamble between 0 and 20 of our points right now. Now, the final story will be one of these three stories. It will not be me, me or Big J. So these guys can say whatever they want to try to fool us, try to sway us from the wrong answer. But me and Big J right now are going to. Are going to wager between 0 and 20 points and then they're going to read one final story.

[B]

I'm so impressed.

[D]

Remarkably good tiebreaker. I'm surprised there's a.

[C]

So it's actually holding in it. But it is fun.

[A]

There's very few holes in the tiebreaker. It would have to. Everything would have to go exactly perfectly for the tiebreaker to have to go to a double tiebreaker. But it. It's happened. Alex. Story number nine.

[E]

Story number nine. When I was five years old, I thought growing a crust on your genitalia was proof that you weren't touching yourself self too.

[B]

That's Micah.

[A]

Ew.

[B]

That's Micah all day, you nasty Jew. Who's ready for double overtime?

[A]

Ew.

[C]

That is why.

[B]

Look how fast they locked in.

[F]

Crazy. You guys are so fun.

[A]

I assume that every Jew has a crust over her vagina to keep the Muslims out.

[B]

By the way, the Muslims only came here cuz wars is in the show title.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like I call the crust on the the Gaza Strip.

[A]

Gaz.

[F]

I can't believe you guys locked in so fast.

[A]

Alex. All of her answers are locked in. Mike and Fox all around.

[E]

That's crazy. Story Number nine belongs to Micah Fox.

[A]

Ew.

[C]

You, Micah. Ew. You disappointed every girl in the front row. What the.

[F]

I was five years old and a girl told me that, and I believed her.

[C]

Who was that girl? Crusty Lisa.

[A]

Oh, it's disgusting. It's making me sick thinking about it. Jay, how many points did you wager?

[C]

18 points.

[A]

I wagered nine points.

[C]

You came with a big night. You came with a big night. You came on a big night. Big j.

[B]

Big j.

[C]

Big j.

[A]

Speech. Speech. Speech.

[C]

Speech.

[A]

Speech.

[B]

Speech.

[C]

I never realized how much I wanted to read the work of Sparks. Maybe one day, Francis, I could take this book and turn it into a fingering situation of my own. I appreciate each and every one of you for caring so much. Even our new. Even our new friends. You don't even realize how rare this is. I come here every week. I come every week and so it never happens. I think I'm still in single digit wins. The show's been happening for two years. Let's go, baby.

[A]

And this episode is airing in April of 2027.

[C]

Thank you so much to our amazing panel, Francis Ellis. Micah Fox, Live fur. Thank you guys so much for hanging out with us at Story Wars. Until next time, I'm Big J. Okerson.

[A]

I'm Louis J. Gomez.

[C]

Peace. Sam.