080. Sal Vulcano, Adam Ray, Krystyna Hutchinson | Love

Summary

Story Warz – Episode 080: Sal Vulcano, Adam Ray, Krystyna Hutchinson | “Love”

Podcast: Story Warz
Host: GaS Digital Network (Panel: Big Jay Oakerson, Luis J. Gomez, Krystyna Hutchinson, Sal Vulcano, Adam Ray)
Recorded: February 13, 2026
Live from: The Stand Comedy Club, NYC
Episode Theme: Love

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Episode Overview

This raucous Valentine’s Day-themed round of Story Warz brings together an all-star comedy panel—Big Jay Oakerson, Luis J. Gomez, Krystyna Hutchinson, Sal Vulcano, and Adam Ray—for a hilarious, deeply personal, and often raunchy series of story-bluffs on the subject of “love.” Featuring tales of jealousy, lawsuits, wild weddings, and awkward dedications, the group's chemistry delivers endless riffing, honest confessions, and comic betrayals as the panel bluffs their way through stories both true and manufactured—all in pursuit of the coveted "Story Warz" trophy: a copy of "Fifty Shades of Grey."
Note: All ads, plugs, and intros are omitted.

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Key Discussion Points and Stories

1. Game Introduction & Panel Banter [03:00–07:37]

• Premise Recap: Each panelist submits stories on a theme (here: love); stories are read anonymously, and the others must guess the storyteller.
• Stakes: Tonight’s winner gets "Fifty Shades of Grey."
  • Jay (07:19): “It’s a front to back spank sesh.”
  • Sal (07:20): “I don’t need to read it, I lived it.”

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2. Story 1: “I left a foreign country early to stop the person I was in love with from someone else. I don’t think they loved me back quite yet.” [07:59–15:32]

• Debate: Is this a “man” or “woman” move?
  • Luis (09:00): “Men are jealous this way. We would get on a plane, leave a country, go home just out of pure rage.”
• Panel Analysis: Krystyna confesses she has the "rage of a man," others debate emotional nuance.
• Reveal: Big Jay Okerson’s story. He left Germany/Amsterdam for a woman who later became his ex-wife.
  • Jay (13:50): “I think I convinced her to stay in New York instead of Boston… And now we have a 23-year-old daughter.”

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3. Story 2: “I was sued by one of my exes.” [16:22–22:29]

• Panel Reaction: Immediate suspicion on Luis and Sal (the most “suable”?), then pivot to Krystyna, considering her decade-long relationship/sex podcast.
  • Luis (17:39): “Sal is the most famous person… Smart move to sue.”
• Reveal: Krystyna Hutchinson’s story. Her ex sued her and podcast partner Corinne for $110K.
  • Krystyna (21:38): “Broke up after seven years; he sued me and Corinne for $110,000. He didn’t win, and he could’ve settled for $50K but got nothing.”

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4. Story 3: “I have told at least 10 people that I was in love with them.” [23:51–33:14]

• Immediate Accusations: Everyone jumps on Luis.
  • Jay (24:10): “I know 20 of them.”
  • Krystyna (24:14): “I won’t be talked out of it. It’s you.”
• Luis protests: Claims he hasn’t been in love that much, but admits to freely saying it.
• Reveal: Luis J. Gomez’s story.
  • Luis (32:12): “In retrospect, I wasn’t in love with my seventh-grade girlfriend… It was 11 girls, actually.”

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5. Story 4: “Russell Stover is such a [crap] candy, not sure how they dominate the holiday market...” [37:53–44:34]

• Laughter: Panel mocks this as “not a story,” immediately blames Sal for candy rants.
• Sal delivers Oscar-worthy denial.
• Reveal: Sal Vulcano’s story.
  • Sal (43:06): “When I wrote it, I was like, they’re gonna think it’s me. This will be my strategy, played perfectly.”

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6. Story 5: “I went to a wedding where the best man, hammered, shared wild stories—prostitutes, blow—got dragged off stage.” [50:59–59:38]

• Group guesses: Adam Ray’s “frat bro” vibe makes him main suspect.
• Humorous aside: Panel distracted by someone rolling a blunt in the audience.
• Reveal: Adam Ray’s story.
  • Adam (57:30): “Wedding in Solvang, CA... Best man came up to ‘Who Let the Dogs Out’, 15-minute speech, parents mortified, had to be dragged off, DJ played the intro song again as he left.”

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7. Story 6: “A friend nursed a gross skin problem on my ass for a whole weekend. No SO ever loved me that much.” [61:42–68:21]

• Immediate guess: Big Jay is only one “who can’t reach their own ass.”
  • Luis (62:00): “The tell here is can’t reach your ass.”
• Reveal: Big Jay Okerson’s story—Justin Silver hot-compressed a cyst on Jay’s tailbone throughout a three-night road trip.
  • Jay (68:07): “No woman has ever loved me that much.”

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8. Story 7: “I’ve slept with one porn star.” [72:34–81:26]

• Panel guesses: Christina for “doing it for the story”; Luis for “more than one”; Jay claims two amateur porn partners.
• Reveal: Krystyna Hutchinson again (“Ryan Driller”).
  • Krystyna (79:30): “I flew him in and boy, was his dick tired… It was for the podcast, for the story.”
• Panel jokes about AVN memorial slideshows and classic porn names.

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9. Story 8: “Once got a DJ on Hot 97 to dedicate ‘Come and Talk to Me’ by Jodeci to a girl I liked—awkward at the time, worked later.” [83:54–91:45]

• Debate: Only Jay and Sal “know” Jodeci; Hot 97 is a very NYC reference; group narrows to Sal or Jay.
• Reveal: Sal Vulcano’s story.
  • Sal (90:42): “It was my first high school girlfriend. A friend had a radio block. I requested it; it was awkward, but we dated soon after.”

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10. Tiebreaker Round:

Story: “I lost my virginity to the first person I said ‘I love you’ to, but they’d said it to three people before—including one of my close friends.” [93:49–96:56]

• Only Sal and Jay remain; both wager points.
• Reveal: Luis J. Gomez’s story. He lost virginity at 16 to a girl who already told three others “I love you.”
  • Luis (96:32): “She’d already dated my buddy. I asked, ‘am I the first?’ She said no, you’re the fourth. I’m never gonna come.”

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Final Scores & Winner

• Adam Ray: 4 points
• Krystyna Hutchinson: 10 points
• Luis J. Gomez: 19 points
• Big Jay Okerson & Sal Vulcano: 20 points (tied)

Tiebreaker:

• Sal bets all points and loses; Jay bets 17 and wins.

Winner: Big Jay Okerson

• Eighth win in 100 shows
• Takes home “Fifty Shades of Grey”

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Luis [09:00]: “Men are jealous this way. We would get on a plane, leave a country, go home just out of pure rage and jealousy.”
• Jay [13:35]: “I started swimming. ‘You have my phone; there’s AIDS on that.’”
• Krystyna [21:48]: “I broke up with him after seven years, he sued me and Corinne for $110,000. ... He could’ve gotten $50K, ended up with nothing.”
• Luis [32:19]: “It was actually 11 girls that I’ve told that I loved in my life. It wasn’t that many more.”
• Sal [43:06]: “When I wrote it, I was like, they’re gonna think it’s me. This will be my strategy, played perfectly.”
• Adam [57:30]: “Wedding in Solvang, CA… [best man] came up to ‘Who Let the Dogs Out’, slurring, 15-minute ramble about prostitutes. Had to be dragged off—DJ played his intro as he left.”
• Jay [68:07]: “No woman has ever loved me [enough to hot compress a cyst on my ass all weekend].”
• Krystyna [79:30]: “I flew him in and boy, was his dick tired… It was for the podcast.”
• Sal [91:25]: “I had an in at Hot 97… I requested a song and said ‘I hope we can be more than just friends.’ It didn’t go well, but we dated a few months later.”
• Luis [96:32]: “She had already said it to three other guys, including my close friend. I’m never gonna come.”

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Memorable Running Gags

• Russell Stover “candy sucks” speech [37:53, 43:41]: Used as comic decoy strategy.
• Naked caricature drawings: Jay spent much of the game sketching grossly exaggerated genitalia for each wrong guess.
• Inside baseball: Frequent mentions of panelists’ comedic histories, shows, and running joke about Jay never winning the game.
• Sexual confessionals: The line between “story bluff” and “true confessional” is constantly blurred, especially by Krystyna and Luis.
• Audience meta-commentary: Characters break the fourth wall, referencing their own game history and audience reactions.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [07:59] – First story and rules explained
• [13:35] – Jay confesses to cross-country romantic chase
• [21:48] – Krystyna on being sued by ex
• [32:12] – Luis admits telling 11 people he loved them
• [43:06] – Sal’s Russell Stover speech revealed
• [57:30] – Adam’s wild wedding story
• [68:07] – Jay’s cyst nursing confession
• [79:30] – Krystyna reveals porn star hookup (“Ryan Driller”)
• [90:42] – Sal’s radio song dedication story
• [96:32] – Luis on losing virginity, final tiebreaker
• [97:09] – Big Jay officially named winner

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Tone & Style

The tone is irreverent, bawdy, and honest—panelists riff ruthlessly, mock each other's confessions, gleefully reveal secrets, and escalate the stakes with every story. The camaraderie and history between the comics leads to both heartfelt bonding and vicious but good-natured trash talk.

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Summary

A classic Story Warz episode, loaded with gut-busting one-liners and true-life absurdity, this show delivers a live special with big laughs, raw admissions, and an unapologetically raunchy exploration of love in all its embarrassing—and sometimes litigious—forms. In a rare turn, Big Jay Okerson finally snatches victory and leaves with not just the book, but the respect (and mockery) of his peers.

Big Jay [97:10]: “Ladies and gentlemen, Big Jay Okerson is your win winner. It never happens. My eighth win.”

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[End of Summary]

Transcript

[A]

Early birds always rise to the occasion for summer vacation planning because early gets you closer to the action. So don't be late. Book your next vacation early on VRBO and save over $120. Rise and shine. Average savings $141. Select homes only.

[B]

Before we start today's show, we want to remind you that we have incredible merch [e-mail] not only do we got T shirts, not only do we got hoodies, but we just added beanies for the winter, guys. So get them this winter. It's going to be a very limited time where you can get story wars beanies. Just go to story. Before we start today's show, let's take a quick moment and thank Body Brain Coffee for supporting the show. Body Brain Coffee is, you know, my coffee brand that I started not that long ago, but it's genuinely incredible. Colombian freeze dried coffee that's blended with nootropics and adaptogens that naturally support testosterone, brain function and mood. Jay, I know that you have been putting it directly into your butthole and you've been seeing the results. I mean you, you've never looked better. You're stronger than ever, you're thinner than ever. I don't want to say it's because you're boofing Body Brain coffee, but I'm not going to say that it's not.

[C]

Also my is wide awake all day.

[B]

Wide awake. Very wide and browner.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's got and I think scientifically nothing to do with the coffee.

[B]

Bodybraincoffee.com is the website. Use the promo code War20. War20 for 20 off. If you subscribe to get it monthly, you're gonna get 20 off and you're gonna get free shipping for life. So once again, go to bodybraincoffee.com use that promo code WAR20. All right, let's start the show.

[D]

Fill her up. You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[B]

Ladies and gentlemen.

[C]

It's Story wars with the story warriors.

[B]

Big J Okerson and Lewis J. Oman. Yeah.

[C]

Oh yeah. That is some good energy. Make some noise. Near New York City, would you please welcome to Story Wars. Another sold out week here at the New York Comedy Club.

[B]

Beautiful.

[C]

What is it, 73 weeks in a row?

[B]

Something like that, dude. I mean there's only 16 seats in.

[C]

This place but sure, sure, they don't.

[B]

Know that at home, you guys, at home, you watch it. I'm like this place is fucking great.

[C]

Now this is the, it's always full that's all that matters. How many people here familiar with the game Story War.

[B]

And who is not familiar with the game of story Wars? Guys, do your research.

[C]

It is a very, very fun and very, very simple game. We will explain it for the first timers when we get our esteemed panel out here. What do you see? We get it started with your first game. Everyone here this week has played before.

[B]

Everyone's played for this is. These are all veterans. And we have one winner.

[C]

Oh, we do have one winner. Our first contestant, everybody from the Guys we fucked podcast and the. Wait, what podcast? How about it for the lovely and hilarious Christina Hutchinson?

[A]

I'm ready.

[B]

Christina came to play this time.

[A]

Got my poker face.

[C]

Yeah, she's serious. No, no. People don't like losing. They come to go, yeah, I'll do your show. And if they lose, like, I didn't like that.

[B]

And Our second competitor, Owen 1 in story worst competition. But maybe one of the funniest moments in the history of the show when.

[C]

We did out in top tier moment.

[B]

California at the Comedy Store. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the one and only Adam Ray. He's hot.

[C]

Sorry, Adam. Congratulations on the Seahawks, you son of a bitch.

[D]

Oh, yeah, we were just talking about this. I might try to go to the game on Sunday.

[C]

Ooh, hell yeah. That'd be a lot of fun. Thank you for doing the show again. Of course, my man. And finally, last but not least, you know him from a special terrified. He's currently on the Everything's fine tour. You probably know him from the Impractical Jokers. How about some noise for a one and two record holding, Sal? Volcano. What a panel, folks. Man, that is jaunty music.

[B]

Sal. I. I like, I like the look. This is like you're dressed like a garbage man. Apparently.

[E]

Yes.

[C]

This is a punishment from season seven.

[B]

Dress like a garbage man and hang out with the Legion of Skank.

[C]

He won't do it.

[E]

A hoodie and a jacket.

[C]

But no, it's very, very stylish. Don't listen to fucking Louis.

[E]

Yeah, it's very stylish.

[C]

If it is your first time joining us here at Story wars is your first time listening at home. It is a very, very simple game. All five of us on this panel, including Lewis and I, have submitted three to five stories on one particular subject. Tonight's subject, love, because this is Valentine's Day week and what a sexy ass fucking panel it is. It's also the sexiest panel.

[B]

Oh, it's a beautiful panel. Oh, my God.

[C]

Beautiful, Beautiful.

[E]

Panel, it's January 21st.

[C]

This is.

[D]

Got him. I'm dressed like what? Lewis?

[C]

Yeah. Alex is going to take eight of those stories and read them one at a time. It'll appear here on the screen. If it's your story, you're the only person who knows that. It's your job to make everybody think it's not your story. If it's not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.

[B]

And every time you guess the story correctly, you get two points. Every time you fool a person on the panel, you get one point. So if it's your story, you have an opportunity to get four points, which is a very, very big deal. When that's your story, that's the biggest opportunity to pull ahead. Once you write your answer on the dry erase board, put the dry erase board in the slot and remove your hand, that is your final answer. You cannot change your answer at that point. And I'll tell you right now, for the new people here that have never been here, we mess with you. This is a lot of fun. You're gonna have so much fun on tonight's show. It's a ton of fun. But guess what, folks, we don't play for fun. Jay, let them know what we're playing for today.

[C]

Every week here on Story wars, we're competing for a book in the Story wars library. Tonight's winner takes home 50 Shades of Gray by E.L. james. Wow. Wow.

[A]

Read it.

[C]

I don't need this write up, but I'll read it. Fifty Shades of Gray follows Anastasia Steele, a shy college student who's pulled into a world of Christian grey. A young billionaire with strict rules, expensive tastes, and a carefully controlled life. What begins as an awkward interview quickly turns into an intense, spicy relationship that challenges everything Anastasia thinks she knows about romance and power. Oh, I don't need to. It's a front to back spank sesh.

[E]

I don't need to read it live.

[C]

Dick lived it.

[B]

Hey.

[C]

Sal likes rough play. I knew that.

[D]

Most garbage men do.

[C]

Sal, you are the market for this book. I think everybody that gets it's gonna get it.

[B]

I think so.

[C]

Well, are we ready for war?

[B]

Come on, folks. Are you ready for war?

[C]

Are we ready for. Then without any further ado, Alex, story number one.

[F]

Story number one. I left a foreign country early to stop the person I was in love with from someone else. I don't think they loved me back quite yet.

[B]

This is a man story.

[C]

Oh, really? I thought the exact opposite right away.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Why do you think that Jay.

[E]

Because he thought it was a woman's.

[C]

Pew, pew, pew, pew. Thanks, Sal.

[E]

I got you, Jay.

[C]

Thanks, bro.

[D]

Wasn't this the plot of the Incredibles, the Pixar movie? Sounds very familiar. So the. Can you read it again or. No, we get one shot.

[C]

That's right.

[B]

It's right there. It's right on the screen.

[C]

Oh, great.

[D]

Sorry. The last time I was on, I had quite the demoralizing double points moment, so I'm still trying to ease my. Myself back into the fun.

[B]

Oh. I play it probably twice a week for my friends.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Isn't it like, one of two times that that has happened?

[C]

Yeah. Right.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

The other time happened here, and it was. It was pretty juicy also.

[B]

It was delightful. So. Yeah, I'm thinking of this, the man story, because this is like. Men are jealous this way.

[C]

We're like.

[B]

We would get on a plane, leave a country, go home just at a pure rage and jealousy. A woman's not doing that. A woman's like, you know what?

[C]

Him.

[B]

I'm gonna. This guy in Spain, and I'm gonna suck this dick and blah, blah, blah, blah. That's a different thing.

[C]

What this would.

[B]

This would tear a guy up.

[D]

You got to travel more, Jay.

[A]

Fuck this guy in Spain.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's what women want to do. They want to go to Europe and bang hot Spanish guys.

[C]

A girl very much would go running from another country to stop somebody.

[E]

I think so, too.

[C]

I think it seems girly.

[E]

And this is not pandering. It's probably more. More liable that the guy is the one who's gonna fuck somebody else.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

In my estimation. I've dealt with a lot of monogamous relationships, and I find that that would be the case.

[D]

Well, when I went to Kuwait for spring break, I.

[C]

Okay, all right.

[D]

Was it a. She was jealous, and she. She probably would have flown all the way over to stop me from some of that sweet, sweet Kuwait.

[C]

It would have been your fault, dude.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

When in Kuwait, dude, When in Kuwait. Yeah. Why would that be on so many T shirts if it wasn't the thing?

[D]

Why Kuwait?

[B]

Yeah, he couldn't. He couldn't. Kuwait to get some.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. There it is. There it is. He didn't write that. That's in the Kuwait airport on a big Jamaican hat with fake dreadlocks attached to it. He didn't make that up.

[B]

Christina, I don't think this is. You defend yourself here, though. A lot of the boys are saying it's you.

[A]

I mean, it sounds like me.

[B]

Does sound like you.

[D]

Good Answer.

[A]

I. I have the rage of a man, so I would do some shit like this.

[E]

I think that's the last sentence is very eloquently put. And so I. I have to credit that. I would credit that more to you than anybody.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

The articulation. I don't think they love me back quite yet. Sounds like a woman when you put it like that.

[E]

Yeah, well, it's more like the sensor stories.

[C]

Not me. Watch.

[D]

Of person.

[E]

I think it's more even the sentiment behind it. Like, just like the feeling, like the. The thought to have, like, oh, I don't think they love me, but that quite yet. I just feel like.

[A]

Check thought.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah. I don't think it's a chick. I mean, Christina's not even denying it's her. I don't know why I'm even trying to. She keeps on going. Yep, this is definitely me.

[E]

Well, maybe she's being a league or maybe.

[B]

Maybe I'm. Look, I'm. I'm getting guy vibes from this. I don't think this is a woman. I'm getting a little bit of Adam Ray.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

On this one. Ooh, Adam, you seem like a sweetheart. You seem like you probably love pretty easily. You're from LA and there's a bunch of piss.

[D]

Seattle, but live in la.

[B]

But you live in la. Well, same thing. There's a bunch of kids in la. These girls are. They're ready to jump on the next.

[C]

You say Seattle and LA are the same thing.

[D]

Did I say that?

[C]

No, he did.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. People put them in the same boat these days. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Well, no, I was saying you live in LA now, so I think that there's a. This. This seems like an LA woman would go out and bang some other dude, Bobby Lee or somebody else from that.

[E]

You're a passionate guy. I do know that. I've seen you chase love. I've seen him chase love.

[B]

This is why you know so many characters. He's trying to escape himself.

[D]

You're not wrong about that. Yeah. You're spot on with that.

[C]

It's the only thing that can stop you from freaking out.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm gonna get the voting going. Let's get it. Adam Ray is my vote. I'm pretty good at reading people.

[C]

So, Christina, I think this is a. That's not a spell.

[E]

It.

[C]

Oh, you're right, Kry.

[B]

There's two Y's for no reason and.

[C]

A K. I know it for sure.

[A]

See, I. The.

[F]

The.

[A]

Quite yet. I feel like Sal would say that quite yet.

[C]

She sent it over to.

[E]

I would fucking say it. Yeah, I said it. I'll say it again.

[D]

And just to recap, you guys are potential answers as well, right? Yeah, yeah. Feels Louis, the way you.

[E]

It's funny, none of them were in play at all. I didn't think of you guys at all with this.

[B]

Yeah, I would know if Jay left a country. Jay, if the story was I left the country because my wife went through my phone and found out I was cheating on her, that would be like, that's definitely a J story.

[C]

I start swimming. You have my phone. There's AIDS on that. Throw it out right now.

[D]

You know, I. Louis, you're also a sweet guy, but this, the way that you came at me felt a little aggressive and I just might go ahead and have to. Prices, right? $1. You hear?

[B]

All right, let's see.

[C]

I thought maybe two. I had a thought. I slightly thought, that's a wild card.

[D]

Yeah, dude.

[B]

All right. All of our answers are in Alex.

[F]

Story number one belongs to Big.

[C]

No way.

[D]

No way.

[C]

You would say South Africa. No.

[B]

What country? Canada.

[C]

No. Germany And Amsterdam I went to.

[A]

Did they not love you back? Were you right about that?

[C]

Probably not yet. Well, it became my ex wife ultimately. But no, no, no, no, we weren't together. This is when we first started dating. What it was, I was super into her and she was still considering going to law school, either here in New York or in Boston. And then right before I left for this trip, she goes, hey, I'm going back to Boston. But. We weren't like officially like. We weren't officially like.

[A]

She dangled. I'm gonna fuck somebody else in front of you.

[C]

It wasn't that. It was a guy. She'd hooked up with him before and she's gone there. She's probably not going to this time, but she's gonna stay at his plate. Whatever it was, was the thing that I was like, what?

[B]

Hold on. You believe that horseshit?

[A]

Yeah, I was gonna say that's a girl. That's a girl.

[C]

I fucking left a con. I lied and said I got a commercial. I have to get back. I have to get back. I don't even remember. I said I had to get back.

[D]

Yeah, how did you stop? Stop. Stop it from happening mid.

[C]

No, no, no. I think I stopped. I think I convinced her to. I came back and was like, just go to school here. Like, just go to the school. And she never went back to Boston. Yeah. Yeah. And now we have a 23 year old daughter.

[B]

If that's not love, now after the story. We don't know that that's your daughter, Jay.

[C]

It could be that Boston, guys. Yeah, I didn't get that. I couldn't get home the next day. So trust me, she had a couple days there to take some seed.

[A]

She gotta do 23 of me.

[C]

And one thing about that lady, loves cream pies. Won't let you pull out.

[B]

She holds on to you.

[C]

Oh, she hooks those ankles into your butt cheeks. I still have to dance.

[D]

Let's cut to a clip. We don't have it. We don't have it.

[B]

First story down, J. Big J pulling ahead. A perfect round for big Jay Okerson. Jay does the thing now for everyone at home and everyone in the audience. If it's J Story, he reaches under the table and he starts feeling my leg. And I'm like, fuck. I can't even enjoy him stroking my thigh. Cause I know he beat me.

[C]

And I have gentle touch.

[B]

He does it feels good. It feels nice. All right, Alex, make it official. Where's our points at?

[F]

All right. In first place, with four points, Big J Okerson.

[B]

This could be one of those nights.

[C]

No, it means nothing. Nothing. This always happens.

[B]

Jay doesn't want to have too much confidence early on.

[C]

This happens every other show. I have a first round clean sweep. I bet there's weird stats on that.

[B]

Yeah. All right, Alex, story number two.

[F]

Story number two. I was sued by one of my exes.

[C]

This feels like Louis.

[B]

Sue me.

[A]

For what?

[D]

It was a class action.

[C]

There was one representative, but all of them were behind it. They all sent impact statements.

[B]

I mean, sued by one of my. Like, me and Big J are new money. We're not being sued by one of. Wait a minute, Jay, you were sued by one of your exes.

[C]

Is that. We're getting divorced. That's not sued.

[A]

I guess it's called alimony.

[C]

Yeah, I had to give her money.

[B]

Well, I mean, technically.

[E]

Did you think getting divorced was getting sued?

[B]

It's different, though, because you got divorced.

[E]

No, no, no, no, no. We just heard you, though.

[D]

By the way.

[C]

Did you think.

[E]

Think getting divorced was getting sued, by the way?

[D]

This is his pitch as a new divorce attorney on the scene. Trying to be like. Is that what you thought it was?

[C]

Let me tell you.

[B]

Hi. Stop.

[D]

Volcano.

[C]

Divorce.

[B]

No, but, Jay, it was a little more that you got divorced. And then years later, she came for the money.

[C]

It was so gross. But yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

So, I mean, did she sue you for it?

[C]

No, it's not sued. No, it's just we didn't. We have to. You have to get a settlement that everyone agrees. Jay, isn't it funny?

[E]

This is going to be a real flip flop round on you because this is fucking you by a mile. He just called you out. We all know. So you're gonna get a goose egg.

[B]

In this round now, I think it's.

[D]

Suddenly you because you're the richest.

[A]

Really? Yeah.

[B]

Sal, I want. I thought about suing you twice tonight. There's gotta be money in there.

[C]

Our whole friendship is me finding ways to possibly sue you. I'm half paying attention to anything you say. I'm always like, I wonder if I could trip over his foot right now and fall off this thing and say he was being. Say he was being irresponsible.

[B]

I don't know.

[E]

You just turned to him and went, oh, you got sued. And it just was so like.

[C]

It was.

[B]

It was a divorce.

[C]

No, no, it's. I. On my life, I wouldn't have called it that. It's not. I wasn't sued.

[E]

But he said years later, no, no.

[C]

Here'S what happened when you. The rules are all fucked.

[E]

Okay?

[C]

You can say, hey, I filed for divorce. And they get the paperwork and then they go, you got. You have a couple months to deal with this. Then they can ignore that for two years. And then the state. The courts will go, all right, you guys just get a divorce and give her a couple bucks. Then she has a year to go, no, wait a second, I want more. And then she did that and it went. But it's not suing. It's just she did the official. There was never an official number until she agreed to it. What a monster.

[B]

This is the woman that he left that country for to come all the way back.

[C]

Same woman.

[B]

Same woman.

[E]

Well, if you're saying outright that that's not what that is.

[C]

On my life, I would never call what she did suing me. It never came to my mind, ever.

[B]

Okay, on his life.

[C]

But Sal did jump on quick.

[A]

Yeah, that's why.

[C]

But this does feel my. Can I tell you something? My gut was, Lewis, I'm writing Lewis, I'm gonna let myself get talked out of this, okay? Because I do this too much.

[B]

Jay, you don't think you would have heard about me being sued ever in my entire life, I've never been sued except for a couple credit card companies.

[A]

It's not suing.

[C]

I didn't know about those ones either.

[B]

No, they literally. Yeah. After collections, it goes into a whole suit. First person, they have a suit.

[C]

See, I think it's Sears v. Lewis.

[B]

Yeah, I. I think I'm getting Sal vibes here. Here's the thing. Sal is the most famous person on the panel. If you dated Sal at one point, you're gonna go, you know what?

[C]

There's.

[B]

I'm gonna get some cashola out of that. It's a smart move.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is, because you.

[B]

Could sue anybody for anything.

[C]

Sometimes I hate that we have to be entertaining on a show, because I think I'm gonna give away the answer here. Christina does a show for over a decade now talking about people they used to. And that seems like a guy maybe she gave a bad review to. Guys thought it was slanderous.

[D]

I'll second that.

[B]

God damn it, Jay. You literally just convinced me that it's Christina.

[C]

I know, because if.

[B]

If I had been. If it's you, it's her. Her and Corinne go on a show, and they're like, yeah, this guy had a little dick, and he's. He smelled like. It's like an entire.

[C]

Yeah, if it's you, honest to God, our friendship might be in problems. Okay, I'll work with you.

[B]

So sue me.

[E]

I'm sorry.

[B]

Wow.

[D]

Too soon.

[E]

I'm sorry. Your friendship might be in problems.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Just want to make sure I heard that.

[D]

Kind of what a guy.

[B]

Sounds a real stickler tonight.

[D]

Sounds like what a guy who sued his ex would say. I'm gonna go with Christina. I think Christina as well. I think there's a guy.

[A]

He's the richest.

[E]

I. I was going big J until he said that. It just made a lot of sense.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

If this is Christina, Jay just bent you the over. This is crazy.

[A]

Finally.

[B]

Jay, by the way, Jay, how good does it feel?

[C]

No, I hope.

[B]

How good does it feel to do that to somebody else now?

[C]

I hope it's not her, because I don't like that. I should have waited till everybody voted.

[B]

Yeah, you just helped everyone get points. That was a bad move.

[C]

I know I called it out as I was doing it, but I felt a lull.

[B]

Alex, all of our answers are in who was sued by one of their exes.

[F]

Story number two belongs to Christina Hutchinson.

[C]

God damn it, Jay.

[D]

Thanks.

[A]

I was gonna win this round.

[B]

We were all gonna vote for Sal, everybody.

[A]

That's why everyone submitted the story.

[C]

I did not play that. I didn't play that well.

[B]

It's all good. So, Christina, what happened here?

[C]

Who.

[B]

You don't want to say his name again, obviously.

[A]

Steven. No, no, it's Stephen. Yeah, I broke up with him after seven years, and then he got mad at me. And then he sued me, me and Corinne for $110,000.

[B]

Did he win?

[A]

We paid $20,000 to get a lawyer to tell him no or we'll pay him a certain amount. I think we offered him 50 grand.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

If he never said he was the producer of Guys we. Because he was just taunting that that was what he did. And he didn't take the free money.

[B]

He didn't take the free money?

[A]

He didn't take the free money?

[B]

No.

[A]

So we spent 20 grand to tell for nothing. Yeah.

[B]

So. But did he get the $110,000?

[A]

No, he did not.

[C]

Oh, you're saying he lost. But he could have gotten 50.

[A]

He could have gotten 50 and instead.

[C]

They paid 20 for a lawyer and gave him the money. Nothing.

[B]

What a dumbass.

[A]

Yep. I mean, that's why I broke up with him.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It wasn't his big fat, huge dick.

[A]

That's why I was with him for seven years.

[C]

Yay.

[A]

Pew, pew, pew. It happens.

[E]

But a dick is not a relationship make.

[A]

Found that out the hard way.

[C]

Sage words from a garbage.

[B]

The hard way.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

You know that guy Lonnie, that adult. Adult man named Lonnie who did picks up my garbage? He said some pretty profound today.

[A]

Lonnie.

[B]

Alex, where our points at?

[F]

All right after round two. In last place with zero points, Christina Hutchinson.

[C]

So early. So early.

[F]

Tied for second place with two points each. Lewis J. Gomez, Adam Ray and Sal Volcano.

[A]

You really it up for me, Jay.

[F]

On the board work ending the lead with six points. Big J Okerson.

[D]

Well played.

[B]

I'm rooting for you.

[C]

Shut up.

[B]

I want you to win, dude. I swear to God, every week I come, I was like, dude, can Jay just win this one?

[C]

Please get out of my face, boy.

[D]

It sounds like this friendship is in problem.

[C]

Right now, Lewis. We have to work out our problem. Alex.

[B]

Story number three. God, that was the gayest moment of the show. Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.

[C]

We've never been more together ever. Yay.

[F]

Story number three. I have told at least 10 people that I was in love with them.

[C]

I mean, it's. Lewis should have wrote 50.

[B]

Why me? You think I've told 10 people I'm in love with him?

[C]

10. Yes, yes, 10. I think it's 50. You said at least because it's 105.

[A]

I know 20 of them.

[C]

I won't be talked out of it. I won't vote first, but I won't be talked.

[A]

Obviously you that I don't think it's you.

[D]

I need a little Backstory to this accusation. Why. Why are they saying you so quickly?

[B]

I don't know. I bet. I guess I've had a lot of girlfriends, but I don't love them.

[E]

Yeah, that's.

[A]

That's not what you told them.

[B]

I've only really been in love a few times.

[C]

That's not what you said. It's not. It doesn't say how many times you've been in love.

[B]

That's not what you says.

[C]

It's not what you says.

[B]

Can you give me word, please?

[C]

Please stop giving me problem. Stop giving me problem. Listen, Answer.

[D]

Don't piss off Yoda.

[C]

I have told. At least told. It doesn't mean you're in love with them. You've told them.

[B]

That's a great point.

[C]

It's a fantastic point because it's you.

[B]

No, Jay. Jay.

[C]

Don't waste your vote on me right now, Jay.

[B]

I want you to get a perfect game. I literally want. Not only do I want you to win, I want you to have a perfect game. What you're playing right now when I.

[C]

Get this, because it's you.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, you're gonna feel salty, dude. You're gonna be, like, pissy.

[B]

Why would it be salty?

[C]

I want you to win. But you're saying that now. But that means when we see that this is you. You don't want me to win. You wanted some points right now at the expense of your boy.

[B]

I would never do that. Not you.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, me. You've broken my heart on this show more times than our entire friendship. We've been friends for 20 plus years, and this show has hurt us more than anything.

[B]

We've only had three actual real fights, but every week on the show, we walk out like we're scorned lovers.

[C]

We have to. Other is not that big of a deal.

[B]

It's not a real game. Adam, you seem like a lover boy.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

That lover boy energy.

[D]

All right.

[B]

Have you been in love a lot? How many. How many women have you told you were in love with, man?

[D]

Probably eighth grade. Girlfriend. A girl I worked with at Albertsons. She was.

[C]

Grocery store. She.

[D]

She was. She's dead. She's. No, she's. She's dead to me. She didn't. She was 17, I think, when I was.

[C]

Was.

[D]

No, 22 when I was 15.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

I just started working there.

[B]

I was like, whoa, easy. Yeah. You don't got to tell us this story.

[D]

I was on this.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

If you could not laugh like that again, that'd be great. Goofy just fell off the mountain. So Gummies kicking in. But no, I. I was working Albertsons. She was. Yeah. 22. I was 15. And I thought I was in love, but I. She only like two hand jobs in the car.

[B]

And then she jerked you off when she was 22 and 15?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

This story's so hot. When it's a woman and a guy.

[C]

She should be in no trouble.

[D]

Wait, where's.

[C]

She's a patriot.

[D]

Where's my high mom?

[A]

Cam, you were raised.

[D]

No, and she. Yeah, but, but I. And I think I told her I loved her, but also. And then she got mad because I didn't want to date.

[F]

Date.

[D]

But she was in the service daily, so she used to always hook me up shortly after that with like max out and potatoes out. And then I remember when she was like, you want a date? And I was like, I'm 15.

[B]

But she was trying to give you a date. A fruit. She worked in the supermarket.

[D]

Yeah. Oh, yikes. Now you know how the double points thing fell.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

No, yeah, that's all right.

[C]

Whatever. I'm voting Lewis. And I drew a picture of him with a very hairy, large, bald, small penis.

[D]

I know.

[B]

Jay.

[C]

Adam, you might not be able to see with the penis. It's in there. Jay.

[B]

Jay. Also, Jay, you've told a lot of women that you love them.

[D]

That's some Bob Ross right there, buddy.

[C]

This is why it's not me. This is the reason I know it's.

[B]

You, because you're the same guy.

[C]

I've said this so many times and I'll be honest with you. I've said it to at least 10 people. And I'll be honest with you. I don't know if I've ever loved a person in my life.

[F]

Wow.

[C]

I don't know if ever. Except for my daughter. I can't think of a human being that I couldn't. I'm not sure in a lie detector I would. Wouldn't pass it. I don't love them.

[D]

Appreciate the honesty.

[B]

Your girlfriend just walked out.

[C]

Well, she probably went to go get the lie detector.

[B]

I'm. I'm getting Adam Ray vibes here, cuz he didn't finish telling the story. How many women have you told you're in love with them, Adam? That. I mean, two by the time real.

[D]

Relationships probably like maybe five, maybe six.

[C]

Right.

[D]

And probably told them all. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Christina, do you fall in love quick, quick. Oh yeah, very quick.

[D]

But this is also.

[C]

So you have done this, but it's not your story. You're saying.

[A]

This is definitely not my story. I Would have put way more than that.

[C]

Way more.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Adam, I feel you. Did you do well in high school and stuff?

[E]

Did you?

[C]

You probably didn't have to.

[D]

Didn't have to what if you're a.

[C]

Very handsome guy, I feel like you didn't have to tell a bunch of girls you love them.

[A]

He wants.

[C]

Why me and Lewis would have done this? Because we have to feel like we have to go. I'll take care of you for. Don't get past my gut and little wiener. I'll die for you and I'll eat your pussy. I don't even care if you do anything to my dick. That's what we do.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

This is why we're friends ultimately. Hand turkey.

[D]

Fun, dude.

[E]

Well, it's not me.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

I believe it's not you. I think if you tell someone you love them, it's like. I believe you're sentimental enough. You're like. No, I have to say I have to mean this.

[E]

Three and a half a cent. Now, Louis, just to reiterate, you think a 22 year old woman jerking a of a 15 year old boy is hot.

[B]

Hot.

[C]

Yeah. Sal.

[E]

Yes.

[C]

Listen, I swear to you I fall more on your court than Lewis's. But I'm telling you as a person who's got, you know, if you do.

[B]

That, you could sue him.

[C]

It's kind of understand me in this.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

On this one I fall right on the gray line there. He's not wrong. But I understand how you're disappointed in him for thinking it's hot that Adam got jerked off by his 22 year old teacher. Right.

[D]

We don't have to keep bringing it up.

[C]

But I also get it.

[D]

I remember.

[C]

Remember when Adam was victimized by his teacher.

[E]

He's sitting right here.

[A]

Sexual assault, supermarket worker.

[D]

Supermarket worker, service deli.

[C]

A woman that he trusted.

[D]

I did trust. Yeah.

[B]

She was in a position of power.

[D]

She was.

[C]

Yeah. I'll have a quarter pound of lacy.

[D]

Swiss and Exactly what I said.

[C]

Eight minutes of top and the outside of your palm. Yeah, yeah. And some under helmet for a little while. Christ almighty.

[B]

Adam Ray is my answer.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Adam Adams. He told two women he's living by the time he's 15. Now he's claiming he's only did it with five women. That's a lie.

[C]

I'm standing by Lewis.

[B]

Stand by me, please. Love Christina.

[A]

No doing Lewis.

[C]

Yeah. Fool.

[A]

You tell everybody you love.

[D]

Yeah, it's.

[B]

I want to.

[D]

Sal's also a lover boy and I feel like has probably said it.

[B]

Oh, you guys Are giving somebody so many points right now, but him.

[C]

You are desperately hanging on to these last points from him.

[B]

I am not.

[C]

You're going to look so silly when.

[B]

This happens and you're going to go.

[C]

You'Re giving somebody Z point. I love it so much. Much good.

[D]

But also with you.

[C]

Good. Please, if it's you, I'm going to open mouth kiss you.

[B]

Please do it.

[D]

Sal also went full Shaggy out of nowhere and said it wasn't me. So that makes me and I back to Sal. No, I'm going.

[B]

Big J. Oh, beautiful.

[D]

Throwing a Hail Mary on paper.

[B]

You might be right about that. If it's either Adam Ray or Big J.

[C]

Look at you making face, you. Oh.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[C]

Got you, dude.

[D]

I like that face.

[C]

I walked you right up to it, pj.

[B]

Fuck you, dude. Why are you trying to sabotage everybody today? Cause you never win.

[C]

You told me you love me three times today. You love like a retard.

[E]

Well, I, I, I swear to God. When you erased it, I gasped.

[B]

Alex, who told at least 10 people they were in love with him?

[F]

Louis J. Gomez.

[B]

Hey, I love you. I love you.

[C]

You.

[B]

I love you. You're cool.

[A]

Pew, pew, pew.

[C]

Prove it.

[B]

Yeah, what do you want me to say? I love easily, you know?

[A]

Do you?

[B]

If I know, I know you know.

[F]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

But I did count that you were in love ten times.

[C]

Are you?

[B]

No, I was like, it reads.

[E]

You told.

[B]

I've told 10 people that I'm in love with them.

[E]

So you didn't mean it every time?

[B]

No. In retrospect, now I realize that I wasn't in love with my seventh grade girlfriend. Obviously.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

What are you talking about? Do you die for her?

[B]

No, but I went through it. It was actually 11 girls that I've told that I've loved in my life. It wasn't that, it wasn't that many more.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, because you put there at least 10.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So I stopped at 11.

[D]

But yeah, you know, you know the number.

[B]

Why not just say 11? Sometimes you, sometimes you just say it because they say it and you're like, oh, well, I guess we're here. Yeah, yeah, that's happened a bunch.

[C]

This happened a few times to shut them up so you could figure things out and then you sort it out once they shut. Shut up about it.

[D]

How many times have you drawn that type of draw? Is that like a first time sketch or is this like based off of other drawings?

[A]

Well, it's like an upside down heart. The balls.

[C]

It's a, it's a first time.

[B]

That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said. Balls are like upside down hearts.

[C]

I'll draw everybody I root for. I'll draw naked. No, Christina won't do that. No.

[A]

Come on.

[C]

Okay, I will then. All right.

[B]

See, we all want to see. Yeah.

[C]

Lewis, this picture's gonna be so hot. God, I hope. Hope it's a Christina's.

[B]

Take your time, Alex. Where are points at?

[F]

All right, tied for fourth place with two points each, Christina Hutch and Adam Ray.

[D]

Come on.

[F]

In third place with three points, Lewis J. Gomez. In second place with four points, Sal Vulcano.

[B]

Good job, Sal.

[F]

And in the lead with eight points, Big J Okerson.

[B]

Perfect game right now. Big J playing a perfect game.

[C]

Don't say it, dude. That's the fucking mush. Guys. I am so close to beating off the 50 shades of gray, which centers on a relationship built around control, secrecy, and negotiation. Christian introduces Anastasia to his private desires, laid out through contracts, boundaries, and conditions that blur the line between choice and pressure. As their connection deepens, Anastasia struggles to understand what she is willing to accept and where she draws the line.

[A]

So the tagline of that book is, was that rape?

[C]

Apologies for your wet panties, Christina.

[A]

None taken.

[B]

All right, story warriors, let's take a quick moment and thank Factor Meals for supporting the show. We love Factor Meals. If you want to eat better but you don't have the time, you have to check out factor Meals. There's no meal prep or following recipes. It's just real food, delicious food, ready in two minutes.

[C]

They're absolutely fantastic. I've been having these delivered to my. My last two places, actually, for years now. They are such an easy, easy way to deal with dinner, especially if you're somebody who works like we do. You're working a lot, don't have a lot of time to cook. It's fantastic. They also have specific dietary restricted meals like glp. One friendly, high protein, calorie smart. Makes it very easy to eat healthy. They're always fresh, never frozen. No prep, no stress.

[B]

It's delicious, dude. The reality is they taste really good. You don't need to fucking go out and figure out how to cook if you're a single dude or if you're, you know, you're not fucking married. You don't have some chick, you slaving away in the kitchen. This is the perfect thing for you.

[C]

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[B]

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[C]

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[B]

All right, let's get back into it.

[C]

Alex.

[B]

Story number four.

[F]

Story number four. I'd like to take this opportunity to say that Russell Stover really is such a. Some candy. And I'm not sure how they got such a stronghold share of the holiday market. I Mean, they'd be nothing without the holiday sales on their books. Thank you for listening. I yield the remainder of my time.

[B]

That's.

[C]

I mean, that's not a story.

[A]

That's not.

[B]

That's an opinion.

[C]

That's not.

[A]

That's Sal.

[C]

It's not a story or an opinion. It's a important practical joke.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Y. Shut up.

[E]

That would be so obvious. That's not me. Cuz the taste buds.

[C]

I think it could be Adam.

[A]

So convincing.

[B]

It could be Adam.

[D]

This a JD Vance tweet. Just late night. Just. He's like it. I got to mix things up. People are getting really upset about the files.

[B]

Okay. This is Adam or Sal. This is going to be a tough one.

[D]

You think I'm yelping about old school candy company Maybe.

[B]

I don't know, dude.

[D]

I definitely said that real defensively. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sal's giving me a very convincing. It's not me right now.

[E]

I think it would be obvious.

[C]

Actually, it was a little obvious that you. I thought it was you immediately.

[A]

Yeah, me too.

[C]

It does sound like me.

[B]

So why don't you use your microphone?

[C]

Sorry. I want to believe you, but two years ago, you told me that I would be the fourth joker in one season if I was patient.

[B]

You kiss your mother with that mouth?

[C]

What's that? So I'm gonna sue you for not making me the fourth joker the way you promised me in pillow and what you call now pillow talk.

[E]

I, I. This is something I feel like Adam would write.

[D]

Well, stronghold is also, like.

[C]

That's a.

[D]

That's a fun word. Sal's got, like, a pretty sneaky vocab.

[C]

Correct?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

This reads. This is all set.

[D]

Like I could feel sale.

[E]

I feel like it'd be obvious.

[D]

No, I feel like this is because it's like, you know, babe, Babe. Like, Russell Stover has a stronghold. Faith.

[C]

I'm like, Adam is panicking.

[D]

I'd watch that on this ramp.

[B]

Yeah. The only reason I don't think it sells because it seems so much like Sal.

[E]

And I'll tell you something. The only person I even think that this could be is him, because I know it's not me. I wouldn't even think this was any of you because you just the way.

[D]

When have you heard me, like, complain about, like, you know what?

[E]

Really, dude, it's the way that you.

[D]

These candy sucks. But Russell Stover, dude, it's really holding our feet to the fire just the.

[E]

Way you riff like, I don't know.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay. I love me A good candy reference.

[C]

I mean, it's. So if it's not. If it's Sal, I mean, I yield.

[E]

The remainder of my time. He's a little bit like, we'll be right back.

[A]

Yeah. I can't see Sal saying I yield the remainder of my time.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, I gotta be honest with you. The. Whoever wrote this makes a great point. Russell Silver's does suck. It is shitty. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. But it's always expired.

[D]

Go on.

[B]

Yeah, I. I mean, I'm sorry.

[C]

I have to picture you naked.

[D]

That be. Finally. It'd be nothing without the holiday sales on their books.

[B]

Cuz he re. He's into the thing when it's your. He's into the thing when it's your story and you read it again. So, I mean, nothing. That's interesting. Yeah, I mean, I think everyone is voting for Adam Ray. Big J. You got to make a fast drawing.

[C]

Do my best. I'll do my best.

[B]

Who's Adam?

[C]

Who.

[D]

By the way, can you identify yourself? Whoever. Just. Whoever just threatened my life. Casually.

[A]

At least it's. At least it's filmed.

[C]

It was casually. It was casually, though.

[D]

Kyle Rittenhouse.

[C]

I'm going to have you Winnie the pooing it. Oh, with your com.

[B]

That's cuz he forgot that he was drawing you naked because he's hot and he drew you with a shirt. He was like, well, again, I can't start over. It's gonna take too long. True or not true?

[C]

Not true.

[B]

Adam's picture. He's got a. Adam's voting for Big J. Just throwing out any name right now.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I yield the remainder of my time. Sounds like a funny Big J quote. Like he's also a wordsmith.

[C]

It's world class funny.

[B]

It is.

[C]

Take it as a compliment. I'm voting for you and what I can only describe as your pretty nice.

[D]

Software soft dick that not even my rabbi drew it like that. But you're right.

[C]

Before he sucked the blood out of it and gave you that beautiful circumcised penis.

[D]

Yep. Let's cut to a clip. We don't have it. We don't have it.

[E]

You seem unhappy though.

[C]

Huh?

[B]

Well, he didn't get any points.

[C]

That's why he's not happy. He's bummed out because everybody knows this is his story about the Russell Silver game.

[D]

And probably I'm furious about the Russell Silvers, Alex. Let's see what happens.

[F]

Story number four belongs to Salv.

[C]

You looked at me. You looked at me and you lied. I wrote S and he looked at.

[D]

Me and goes, it's not me, baby.

[C]

I trust you. I held your babies. I've held your babies in my hands. His trusted me with their lies lives.

[E]

When I wrote it, I was like, they're gonna think it's me. And that's my. This will be my strategy played perfectly.

[D]

By the way the look he gave me. That should be on your acting reel. So believable. He truly.

[C]

I looked at him.

[D]

I wrote Sal. And he looks at me. He goes, baby, it's not me. And I go, it's not. You're right.

[B]

It big.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Crazy.

[E]

I'm sorry this has happened.

[D]

Don't you touch me.

[E]

I know how you feel. I know we're in problem. I know you feel this has happened.

[C]

To me here before. Before.

[E]

It's taking me weeks to shake it.

[D]

That's how you play the game though.

[E]

I just know that I love you and it's just a game.

[B]

I mean there's not much of a story.

[E]

Every word of that I believe that's passionate about it.

[D]

It's a cell quote.

[C]

It's always tastes expired right now.

[B]

What are you chalky?

[E]

You're right, it is chalky.

[B]

What do you buy your wife instead of Russell Silvers? You go to like a nice chocolate shop.

[E]

What's that, babe?

[D]

He's gonna get you too.

[B]

You'll buy your wife like nice chocolates from like a nice chocolate place or you don't do the Russell Silver stuff.

[E]

I don't know if I really buy chocolates, but I, I Russell, no. I've had enough in my life to have this opinion.

[C]

They're married.

[E]

Take a grain of salt, you know.

[C]

Yeah. He doesn't have to present her with candy anymore. They live together.

[D]

That is a pre living move, right?

[C]

You just get candy at the store together. The same candy you give her in a heart shaped thing you now buy in a bag and split it while you watch Landman on Paramount.

[D]

Plus Chef out.

[C]

Dude, good show. Good show.

[B]

Alex. We points out. This was a big shake up. S pulls way ahead. That was a huge move right there. Huge round for Sal Volgano and close out the first half of the show.

[C]

Let it be. We're in single points. Yeah.

[D]

Let it be known.

[E]

I've.

[D]

I've written and erased the correct answer now twice.

[B]

You have? Yeah.

[C]

I go. Let me tell you. I say go, go with my gut every week. And I'd say that's what probably cost me every week. Is going. Is. Is is changing it after I, I write down my first thing my first thing is write 80% of the time I eat when I change it.

[D]

Second guessing, like, this is why I can't play roulette. Cuz I'm like, it could be black, but maybe it's red, maybe it's magenta. And everyone's like, that's not an option. I'm like.

[B]

And I just throw the.

[C]

You're like 36. 36. Everything in on 36. 18. I'm gonna go kill myself in my room.

[B]

Alex, where our points at?

[F]

All right. Tied for fourth place with two points each, Christina Hutchinson and Adam Ray still on the board.

[B]

Still on.

[A]

We got this.

[F]

In third place with three points, Lis J. Gomez. And tied for first place with eight points each, Big J Okerson and Sal Volcano home.

[C]

So two warriors. Two warriors.

[B]

We are at the halfway point of the show. We will quickly do some plugs. Sal Oano. What are you plugging, my friend?

[E]

I'm on tour right now. Salano comedy.com for all dates. And I got a podcast coming out the end of the winter called Manouche. So yes.

[C]

Oo, yeah.

[E]

Oh yeah.

[C]

Adam.

[E]

Jokers and jokers started airing new episodes this week. Week.

[B]

So amazing. Very cool.

[D]

Adam Ray tour dates Adam Ray comedy.com first theater tour at town hall here in New York on Saturday. Come out. Still some tickets left. Got a Netflix podcast, the Adam Ray show dropping I guess in a few months. And then I think I'm on an episode of Jokers.

[E]

Right?

[B]

The new season.

[D]

Yeah. Best show ever.

[C]

Yeah, dude, you've done it before, Adam, right?

[D]

Once. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, and shout out to. I think her name was Christy. The service deli gal that raped you. Yeah, I forgot to say her name. It's always fun when you say the name.

[C]

I always laugh. Joe DeRosa when he did impractical Jokers for sale dude, it just bailed immediately. He was like, hey miss, you're hot. And she was like, what? And he goes, I'm just. Guys, come out. This sucks. It's a TV show. We're fucking with you. They had to show all of that to kill the time that they needed Joe to play. The game at all is they showed all of the bond. The scene of Joe going, I don't know. This sucks. There's people in my ear telling me to say stuff. Come out, guys. That she gets it. She gets.

[D]

Is way tougher than you think. They're. They're brilliant.

[C]

Terrifying.

[B]

Christina.

[A]

Follow me on Instagram at Christina Hutch Listen to guys.

[C]

We.

[B]

Hell yeah.

[C]

Big J. BigJay comedy.com come check me on the greatest Yapper Alive tour. I'm all over the place this year, so get tickets now. Some stuff's selling out, actually, which is weird. Nice, Nice. Hell yeah. Of course. Legionist gangs listen to the bonfire and I'm doing live streams now over on my YouTube, so. YouTube.com bigjokerson Check those out.

[B]

And yeah, hell yeah, guys, come see me on the road. Lucasfganx.com go to my website. I'm going to Australia for the first time in May, which I'm very excited about. That's gonna be a ton of fun. Get tickets for all those shows. I'm going all over the place all year long. Check out all the other pods that I do. Legion of Ganks, the Real Ass podcast, and the regs.

[C]

All right.

[B]

On the Gas Digital Network. Gas digital.com. if you guys love this show, you should know we do an uncensored ad free version of this show with pre release every Monday night just for subscribers. Go to gas digital.com there's also a bunch of episodes that are exclusively just for Gas Digital subscribers. Use the promo code War Wars. War Wars W A R Z to save a couple bucks a month on your membership. You get the premium membership and thousands of hours of podcast. Podcast that you can't get anywhere else. And I'll say, go buy my book. I wrote a book. It's my memoir of my childhood. It's called Knives and Spoons. It comes out March 3, but you can pre order it right now on Amazon. And yeah, thanks for the support. So, you know, obviously this has been a crazy game right now, and Christina and Adam were very, very far behind. But Sal, you know, you. You know why in the second half, it could be anybody's game, right?

[E]

I do.

[B]

As a winner.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Why is that?

[E]

Double points.

[C]

That's right. It's very simple. Before, if you fooled somebody, you got one point and if you guessed the right story, you got two points. But that actually jumps up now to double points.

[B]

The black guy in the back who doesn't know the show wants to leave. I just saw him go, yo, man, this is some corny ass cracker.

[C]

Sure, sir. It is a rhythmless show. Absolutely. That's why we play our music in small snippets.

[D]

Maybe he'd feel better if he saw somebody get some double points.

[B]

Couple people did it.

[D]

Hope you saw that. And I'm back in the game.

[C]

You got a few.

[B]

Dude, when Adam did it in la, he, he's like, you can see him, like, working himself up.

[D]

The genuine Enthusiasm.

[B]

He got up like he was so happy.

[D]

I love a good collective. Like, you guys got this. What a fun night. I'm in my home club, I'm 10 minutes away, get to see my buds, and then double points. And the whole room, everyone was like.

[C]

I didn't know. I didn't know how to stop you. If you watch the video, dude, I swear to you, from the time you started, I'm going like this. This. I'm like, you were. You're not the person I want this to h. There's a person out there that I'm sure I want this to happen to. It's not you. And when I saw it coming, I was like, they're going to dead him, dude. They're going to. They're going to stare right at him.

[D]

And I looked over, and after looking out and getting nothing, I look back at both you guys just being like, yeah, like, hey, what are you going to do?

[C]

Cookie crumbles, bro.

[D]

Tomato, tomato. Ray Romano.

[B]

Yeah. Alex. Story number five.

[C]

Five.

[F]

Story number five. I went to a wedding where the best man was so hammered during his speech, he ended up sharing old stories of the groom for 10 plus minutes. He rambled about how they'd get up, hire prostitutes, and do blow with strangers. He had to be dragged off stage against his will.

[B]

To be fair, this was my wedding. Adam, Adam, Adam.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

I voted for you every round so far.

[D]

How's that going?

[B]

It's not going well so far, but I do feel like you're. You have the vibe of a friend group that would do things like this.

[C]

Oof.

[D]

Thank you. Yeah. I mean, we've all got some draw 4 uno cards in our circle of trust. But I have mostly been to fun weddings where the speeches are appropriate. I've seen wild, you know, speeches, but nothing, nothing. That's like outing prostitute.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

I don't know.

[B]

That wasn't a good. That was not a good defense of yourself.

[D]

Oh, yeah. When did you guys get here?

[A]

It's Adam.

[C]

This also could be Christina. This is a very. Like the girl. She drank it all in. What was going on? Tell the story, you know, I don't know. It could be anybody's story. Unfortunately, it's just like a spectator's story. There's no personality in it. It's just. Who would know somebody who would go to a wedding that has a retard at it?

[A]

All of us.

[C]

Big day. Big day for sure.

[E]

Sure.

[C]

No, absolutely. I've been to some white trap. I mean, I've been to weddings and VFWs. For sure. My cousin's wedding walkout song for the first time in public. So and so and so and so. Whatever. Come welcome to. And they. And they dance down the aisle to let's get it on by Marvin Gaye. And I mean, ass shaking and the whole thing. Potluck. It was fucking. It was. I've been in some trash weddings, but they were always full of luck, love, and positivity. Boo. Nobody would sandbag the other person like this. This would never happen.

[E]

They weren't trash weddings at all.

[C]

They were trash weddings. No, no. I promise you, there was God smack on the dance weddings. God smack. Music was playing on the d. On the dance floor. You can't even dance to God smack if you're a good dancer.

[D]

A guy who gives a speech like this feels like he also, like, probably has friends that, like, you know, complain about. Russell Stover.

[E]

Cold 45 nips at the wedding.

[D]

Is this even a real story?

[C]

My Adam now. I think it's you, you son of.

[B]

A. I'm just distracted by whoever is, I guess, rolling a blunt in the room. Where's this awesome weed that somebody that I just started smelling. Right.

[D]

Finders keepers, who is this person?

[B]

Somebody. Guess. Smell that. You smell that?

[D]

Smells delicious.

[E]

I do smell.

[B]

Smell it smells delightful.

[E]

I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, it smells good.

[E]

Fruity.

[C]

I smoke weed all the time.

[A]

Winner gets that.

[C]

You think I'm sweating with the weed I keep under my armpits?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I'm. I'm think, like, this is not a knock on you. It's. You seem like a cool guy. Probably some cool friends. These are some frat bros. Something like that. That's a very frat bro. You're the most frat broy guy on the panel.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

[B]

So that's.

[D]

And this feels fratty.

[B]

This feels a little fratty.

[A]

I feel like you would also use the word prostitutes. You would say prostitutes.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I don't know. I'm kind of like a hooker. That's a fun one.

[A]

You're a hooker guy.

[D]

Yeah. I wouldn't have thought that prostitute feels very Russell Stovery.

[E]

You think the guy in the story is a cool guy? You said.

[D]

I know, I know.

[B]

These are cool guys.

[D]

These are cool guys.

[E]

Blow in front of everyone's family. He's a cool guy.

[B]

He's a cool guy.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

I just want to be. I just want to be sure I'm getting all the interpretations right for you.

[B]

This guy's prom king. This guy's crushing it, dude. He works at a Car dealership. This guy rules.

[E]

Oh, this guy's probably so cool.

[B]

This guy's the man.

[E]

This guy's cool.

[C]

This guy's so dope, it's crazy.

[B]

This guy sells Audis in South Jersey. I love this guy.

[D]

This guy says his own name when he comes.

[C]

I want.

[D]

Sorry, babe. Uber pools outside. Crustable in the fridge.

[B]

Psych.

[C]

I ate it.

[D]

Brett, you already came. Stop saying your name.

[B]

All right, I'm getting some Adam Ray vibes. It's gotta be Adam eventually, right?

[C]

Adam, I drew you shooting what I can only describe massive ropes from a big fat cock. Whoa. I like to draw my friends.

[F]

I'm already losing.

[C]

I like to draw my friends once in a while. And I'll put gigantic on them.

[B]

Yeah, that's fine.

[C]

Ah, it might be Christina.

[B]

Yeah, she just picked any random person.

[C]

Toss up right now.

[B]

She's hiding. She's hiding a smile now. She's really.

[C]

Ah.

[D]

I'm going big J or Sal.

[B]

Oh, all right.

[D]

I think this is a sleeper. Where you, like, maybe it was a. Yeah.

[C]

Adam, it's Christina.

[B]

It's so obviously Christina. She can't contain her smile right now. She's losing her mind as we see speak. She started bleeding out of one of her eyeballs.

[C]

Adam, it's not you. And everyone voted. You steal these points from us. I'm begging. Write K R. You're the only one who's going to get points.

[B]

She was so happy because she thought she was pulling away with all the points.

[C]

She did pretty good.

[B]

She did. Christine. Christina.

[C]

Christine. Yeah.

[B]

Christina.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

It's actually. It's a little rude. One more in.

[A]

Christine.

[C]

Na na na na na.

[B]

Alex, all of our answers are in.

[F]

All right. Story number five belongs to Adam Moran.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

I got it.

[C]

I knew it, dude. Your big, huge, awesome penis.

[B]

I'm just. I'm. I'm thrown off by tonight's panel. I can't get reads on anybody. I just got lucky just now.

[C]

I thought it was obviously Christina by the end.

[B]

So I had a.

[D]

So it was a wedding in Solvang, Northern California with your cool friends. Yeah. Well, here.

[A]

Was that, like another cool guy.

[D]

So here's the thing.

[B]

Were they cool guys?

[D]

Well, I knew. Knew the groom and nobody else, really, so. So this best man, you knew a.

[B]

Groomer when you were 15 as well?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

We'll be right back. Was a fun wedding and. But the best man was not even, like, cool frat dude. Like, big, like, you know, guy pushing probably three bills, uh, super into wrestling and comics. And end. He was Nervous.

[B]

The best man was Zach Amico.

[D]

Yep.

[C]

Holy.

[D]

And he kept saying he was nervous. Came up to who Let the Dogs out by the Baja Men. Okay, who goes up to a song for their speech? And then.

[C]

That'll kill your nerves, though.

[D]

Yeah. And. And it got people fired up. Most people were like, I forgot about these guys. You know, that was the first sign.

[E]

It was gonna be awesome.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. This is a tag team version. Yeah.

[D]

And. And then he just proceeded. He was pretty up when he got up there. There. Which again, like, no one was thinking anything. Like, at any wedding. Like, a speed. Most people have a couple cocktails. He was slurring it kind of, like, immediately, he was just kind of like, so, Jeff, Jeff. Jeff. Was Jeff out.

[B]

Dude, give it.

[D]

Give it up for Jeff real quick. So right out of the gate, you're like, oh, he's a little too up. And then he just started to reminisce, and it went down, like, real quick. The whole speech was. I think I wrote like, 10. Yeah, 10 minutes. It was probably like 15 about. And then the parents. That was the craziest part. I'm looking around, loving it. There's a guy next to me. We just keep hitting each other, being like, holy. And at one point, I was like, the only one. Like, you know, people at the table were like, oh, he's a comedian, whatever, and ask all these common questions. So at one point, everybody was like, you got to get up there. And I was like, I'm having a great time where I'm sitting from cuz. Then. Cuz. And there was a moment where I was like, it was getting kind of bad. And then he was just like, and, dude, how about. Dude, remember Reno and those game prostitutes? And that's when I was like, like, I think I was like, halfway up, and I was like, they're back now, you know?

[C]

Yeah, dude, I think you got to let him land the plane.

[D]

Exactly.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

And. And the. My buddy's dad ended up getting up there and just doing the classic, like, all right, all right, all right, all right. And then he was like, all right, enough, you know, and it was super awkward. And then the best part, though, is when they. And he was like, all right, all right, all right. Hey, I just Trying to tell a story.

[C]

Story. I met my friend.

[D]

You gotta get all. So then. Which I thought he was gonna go.

[B]

You'Re right, you're right.

[C]

I'm up.

[D]

But he, like, a little defensive. Like, I'm just trying to tell a.

[C]

Story about my friendship.

[D]

You know, we're in Problem right now, you know, And. And. But the best part was that when they, like, ushered him back to his seat, the DJ played who let the dogs out again. So at that point, dude, me and everybody at the table.

[C]

Cut.

[D]

He landed the plane.

[C]

You know, the reprieve. It's the reprise. Reprise.

[B]

Great story.

[C]

Tag team reprise.

[D]

Never forget it.

[B]

Alex, five stories down. Where our point. That big shakeup just now. I have no idea who's in the lead, who has what.

[C]

I think it's exactly the same.

[F]

All right. In last place with two points, Christina Hutchinson. In fourth place with four points, Adam Ray, you.

[D]

And let's check in with the guy.

[C]

Who wants to kill me. Okay.

[D]

Oh, he waved. That was even creepier.

[A]

Yeah, he's kill you. You're not going to make it to the game, dude.

[F]

In third place with seven points, Louis J. Gomez. And tied for first place with 12 points each, big J. Okerson and Sal Volcan.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Very close. Salvacano, former story warrior. Big J never wins. Seven victories in 100 episodes. He's here every week.

[C]

Every week I show up still. I'm wearing a button down now. Yep.

[B]

Alex. Story number six.

[F]

Story number six. A friend of mine nursed a painful and gross skin problem that I couldn't reach on my ass for a full weekend. No significant other has ever loved me that much.

[A]

Definitely.

[B]

Big J. I was going to say the. The tell here is can't reach your own ass.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

It's a dead giveaway.

[B]

Like, everyone else can reach their own ass. This is when you were bigger. Used to be like £300 or so.

[C]

I've always been able to reach my ass.

[B]

We know, dude.

[A]

You would say that if you weren't able to reach your ass.

[C]

Always. I have aggressive ass. Wife, diaper from at my biggest.

[B]

I mean, Adam. Adam's so fit, he could wrap his arm around his body twice and reach his ass.

[D]

Hilarious.

[E]

I'm only allowing myself to imagine Christina.

[D]

Painful and gross skin problem. Yeah. Also, gals are more in tune with, like, skin prop. Right. Like, we're not.

[F]

What?

[D]

I feel like this is a problem. A female concern. Yeah. Like, you guys got all the.

[E]

You say gals are more in tune with skin problems.

[A]

Yeah, he did. He did. Just want to make sure I'm not into ass skin problems.

[D]

Say it again.

[A]

Ass. Skin.

[D]

No face.

[F]

Skin.

[D]

Okay. Yeah.

[A]

Ask.

[D]

But skin in general. I just feel like girls more on a whole are a little bit more.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

I think they're the ones getting the creams and the ointments.

[E]

Well, I Do think this. I do think that.

[D]

Right, fellas?

[C]

Enough is enough.

[D]

I definitely sound like I was running for office with that platform. And it's time we take CVS back.

[C]

Gotta stop the bullshit.

[D]

The bullshit.

[E]

So I do think it's more likely that male or female, you'd help a female friend with this. You know, I just. I think it's going to be harder to get a male or female to do it for a guy.

[B]

It just. As a friend. Right. So we don't know any genders across the board. The friend could be a male friend could be a female. This could be a female.

[C]

This is tough for a guy to do. For a guy. Guy. A guy.

[B]

Look, here's the thing. If I had a problem with something on my ass, I wouldn't ask a female to fix it. I would ask one of my male friends.

[C]

I wouldn't do it.

[E]

And you'd have that on your ass.

[B]

You might.

[C]

I wouldn't.

[B]

I remember we had Ari Shafir on Legion of Skanks years ago, and he wanted to show me his hemorrhoid. And I held his open. I held his ass cheeks open.

[C]

God.

[B]

And it was terrifying.

[E]

Yeah. But you didn't nurse it.

[B]

No, I didn't.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't think you have nursing in.

[C]

Would you have nursed it?

[B]

His looked like the Demogorgon.

[C]

It was so. He's not wrong.

[B]

It really did.

[C]

It opened up, like, blade, vampire mouths, dude, four directions.

[B]

Yeah, dude.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

He nursed a.

[C]

Like, how long.

[D]

What's the duration of time under the umbrella of the word nursed? You know, like, how much do they spend.

[B]

Weeks.

[D]

A full weekend. Full weekend.

[C]

Okay. A full weekend.

[A]

Pew, pew, pew.

[B]

Here's the thing. Jay also hangs out with a lot of losers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I feel like you would. You would.

[C]

Would.

[B]

They would go, like, all right, Jay, I'll. I'll nurse your ass back to health.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I also feel like you're the most.

[C]

Who's What. Who's fixing my ass?

[B]

Dylan.

[C]

Nope.

[B]

I can see Dylan fixing your ass.

[C]

Not a chance.

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

I think a lot of people would fix your ass.

[D]

People would fix your ass.

[B]

I'd fix your ass. I'm your friend, and I'm a loser.

[C]

I don't have gross skin problems on my ass.

[B]

Let me see.

[A]

You look like it.

[C]

Do I? Yeah, kind of. Because Lewis has put a finger up my ass to this knuckle. Hold on. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[B]

That's not true.

[D]

We gotta have that clip.

[B]

I. I wrapped toilet. I wrapped toilet paper around my hand and put the toilet paper.

[C]

Oh, fine.

[B]

That's not.

[C]

And Louis, to prove what?

[B]

To prove that you did that? Because Jay. Jay would claim that he can go a full knuckle deep into his without having any. And I thought that was impossible. Like, is sort of always hanging into your corner.

[C]

That's how he lives.

[A]

No, it's always hanging.

[B]

I don't why I didn't have the squatty potty yet. And what did you do?

[C]

Do?

[B]

I pulled it out and I put it in my mouth cuz it was so clean.

[C]

So clean, so clean. I don't have any skin problems on my ass.

[D]

Dude, we got to take our friendship up a notch. We just go to dinner and stuff.

[C]

Like, yeah, you guys just having dinner.

[B]

But the point of all this is you're willing to let your friends play with your ass.

[C]

No, I'm not.

[B]

You. You just told me I shove my finger into your ass.

[C]

I. You know what? Yep. Yeah, I changed my mind. You're right.

[E]

Hey, guys, Guys, call me.

[B]

I'm putting my answer in early. Big J Okerson, one of the only people willing to let me shove a finger in their ass.

[C]

I want to say because that's Lewis, but I don't think it's Lewis.

[B]

You know it's not me. Yeah, I got Sal's writing. Christina.

[C]

Oh, no. Yeah, it might be Adam's writing.

[E]

I would do it for you.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Oh, Big J's cleaning up right now. Big J just pulled ahead hard, Sal.

[D]

Oh, did he?

[B]

You're the only person I would do it for you.

[E]

That's my point.

[B]

Me. No, Jay doesn't believe that you put me.

[D]

No put Christina.

[B]

He's just listing people that have played with his good. Put the other guy's name now. Alex, all of our answers are in who let a friend of their, nice friend of theirs nurse their painful and gross skin condition on the their ass.

[F]

The person with the skin condition was Big J. O Redemption.

[A]

I went with my gut.

[B]

I knew it.

[E]

That's the game, man.

[A]

I, I, I can feel like I can picture you how you would ask too.

[D]

Well played.

[A]

How did you ask? How did you ask?

[C]

I didn't ask. Name names. Justin Silver. Makes sense.

[E]

That tracks immediately.

[D]

Immediately.

[C]

And you guys would have thought for five seconds. Justin came with me on the road when we do like a college thing for three nights and I had a thing. It went away. It went away ultimately. But what was the thing?

[B]

Hold on.

[C]

It's called herpes. It's called like a perianidal system. It's like a cyst on your tailbone that mostly you just black.

[B]

Oh, I remember this, dude. I remember you had a cyst on your tailbone.

[C]

It sucks. It hurts so much. And it would. If it would get like inflamed, it would just hurt to sit at all terribly. And you had like. So for the whole weekend when I what we weren't doing these shows, we'd be in, I mean, shitty hotels and he would get a trash, a little tiny hotel trash can of hot water and it would come put hot compresses on my upper ass crack until this thing either broke or went down. Great friend.

[A]

Great friend.

[C]

No. No woman has ever loved me that much.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And no woman.

[D]

Nor will she. Nor will she. She.

[B]

Yeah, and I was right.

[C]

Los Angeles.

[B]

I was right. It was a loser.

[C]

Oh, I'm kidding.

[B]

I love Justin.

[C]

All right, this is why people boo you. Boo.

[B]

Alex. Were our scores at after six rounds?

[F]

All right. In last place with four points, Adam Ray.

[D]

Okay, okay. On the board, on the board, on the board. Gotta stay positive. Gotta say anything can happen. Anything can happen to happen.

[F]

In fourth place with six points, Christina Hutchinson.

[A]

Moving on up.

[C]

Any given Wednesday. They say that any given Wednesday.

[F]

In third place with 11 points, Lewis J. Gomez.

[C]

Give the guy a little something. Come on, give him a taste.

[B]

Oh, I hate cocky J. It's pissing me off.

[C]

You know I'm not gonna lie.

[B]

I like when you fall apart.

[D]

No, I'm not.

[B]

I win when you get cocky at this game.

[C]

Ah, shut up.

[B]

Go ahead.

[F]

In second place with 12 points, Sal Volcano. And in the lead with 16 points, Big J Okerson.

[B]

Jay is really has a nice lead right now of all books too.

[C]

All right, story warriors, let's take a second and thank one of our amazing sponsors and that is Ridge Wallet. Oh, they are back big time, baby. The Ridge Wallet has become so popular just in the time that they've been promoting with us over here at Gas Digital. It's amazing how many people just know in the wild I see have them. They make slim modern wallets from premium materials like aluminum, titanium, leather and carbon fiber. They have over 50 colors and stock. They have custom accessories like air tag, cash strap or tracker cards so you always know where your wallet is. Every Wallet has the RFID blocking technology, a 99 day risk free trial and a lifetime warranty. They can't make it any easier or more beneficial to you. It's literally the last wallet you'll ever need. It holds several cards. You can get the cash strap or the cash clip. So many Cool. Different colors.

[B]

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[C]

All wallets are made like this now.

[B]

And there are no humans, but very thin. I mean, you keep it right in your front pocket as well, which is great. You know, Beck wallet, if you're trying to be safe, you don't want to pickpockets to get you at Skankfest in New Orleans this year. Well, guess what? It's in your front pocket now. And just genuinely like, just cool. Great product and they support great comedy. You've been hearing about Ridge forever on all these podcasts. So support a company that supports great comedy for a limited time. Story wars listener winners are getting 10 off at Ridge by using the code Wars W A R Z at checkout. Just head over to ridge.com and use the code W A R Z and you're all set. Once again, ridge.com promo code wars for 10 off.

[C]

Hey, guys, real quick, let's talk about one of our awesome sponsors over here at Story wars, and that is Turtle Beach. Thank you, Turtle beach. Personally, this is a personal endorsement for me. Thank you so much for getting me through the holidays. I have so many gamers, customers in my family and extended family that two Christmases ago, the Stealth 700 headset, the Gen 3 Stealth 700 headset I got for all of them and that was a hit. It's still going good. 80 hour battery, the most comfortable headset they said they've ever used.

[B]

The microphone sounds like podcast quality. When I'm on the road very often I use myself 700 on the road. It sounds great in the ear, but also the microphone itself sounds absolutely incredible. Super clear. And they don't just have headsets, by the way. Jay, you can level up your rig with racing wheels and flight sticks. Get the edge. With professional style controllers, mice and keyboards. This is high quality stuff. Turtle beach is a trusted brand. It's not like it's a new brand. They've been around forever. So if you're a gamer, if you have a gamer in your life, this is a great gift, a great thing for yourself. Support Turtle Beach. TurtleBeach.com is the website. Use the promo code wars W A r z for 10 off your entire order today. Once again, that is turtlebeach.com wars w a r z for. For 10% off. All right, where were we? Alex? Story number seven.

[F]

Story number seven. I've slept with one porn star.

[C]

It's not Sal.

[B]

Not Sal.

[C]

It's not Sal.

[E]

We're all sitting here going, I've lived a long life. Playa.

[C]

Adam.

[B]

There's a lot of porn chicks in la. La could be Adam. Christina also. I mean she has a. A podcast where she just like a.

[C]

Male porn star for the story. Nah, never.

[B]

Jay, have you slept with a porn star?

[C]

Yeah. Not a good one.

[E]

Let's.

[D]

Let's plug her. Let's plug her Instagram handle.

[C]

It was Covet. Dude. She was at our house. Yeah. Me and Christine were so tired of each other.

[D]

Covid porn sex.

[C]

Huh?

[D]

Covid porn sex.

[C]

Yeah. She came over to do my podcast.

[B]

It was Peter north.

[D]

Great guy.

[C]

Has come to cover both our. Both our faces look like pancakes getting ready to be cooked.

[D]

He brought over sanitizer. We had to do it.

[C]

Yeah. And that was the. Is that. I think that's the only one. No. I guess another one. None of them. I wouldn't.

[B]

The word star is a little bit of doing is stars.

[C]

What's getting me. I've slept with two people who have done pornography. Geography.

[D]

Yeah. And I will make the city of New York a better place to live. You can count on me. We'll get on more. Garbage men will be on podcast.

[B]

Yeah. I mean I could see Christina doing it for like the story. For like the show. She came back. She. There's probably a whole episode about it.

[A]

I've slept with a male prostitute. Not male porn stars are. You know.

[B]

Right. Details.

[A]

CowboysforAngels.com.

[C]

Were you single when we were at the AVN Awards?

[A]

No.

[C]

Cuz there's some gorgeous male porn stars in that line we were standing in.

[E]

You know, it distinctly says one.

[B]

It says one.

[E]

It's almost like I did it for the experience, for the story, for the what have you. I feel like you. It's probably more than one.

[C]

I disagree. Agree. Me, I think it's Lewis.

[D]

Yeah. I think it's Louis too.

[B]

I mean, I've. My girlfriend's not here. I've slept like five porn stars.

[D]

Stars.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I think it's stars, like legit. Like Walk of Fame. If they transition to acting, they could survive Stars.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

It's been a few.

[E]

All five were stars.

[B]

Waste. Waste your votes.

[C]

Jeff striker. Ron Jeremy. Mr. Marcus. Lexington Steel.

[D]

I saw Ron Jeremy at what's the Rainbow Room, Right?

[C]

Prove it. Yeah. Bar and Grill.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

In la.

[B]

So There you are sleeping with him. It's Adam.

[C]

I saw him there too. You know, he's like narcoleptic and. Yeah, it was.

[D]

Wow, it was so sad.

[C]

He was outside after he ate. We saw him outside and he was literally standing and like falling asleep. Yes. And a guy walks up with his. With his wife or whatever and goes, ron, this is my wife, blah, blah, blah. And he's like. He kind of pops up, just like squeeze her tits and goes back to. There's no surprise this guy's in jail. He's a machine.

[D]

He really is.

[C]

He's a broken machine. Yeah. Cool.

[E]

Cool guy.

[B]

Can I also say, the reason I'm thinking Christina is because if you remember the writing pattern of her last story, it was one short sentence.

[C]

Was it?

[B]

It was. She said it was. I was sued by an ex.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

Yeah. Put me.

[A]

I dare you.

[E]

Oh, she just dared write my name.

[C]

And I will you up.

[B]

I'm getting Christina triple dog. I mean, you guys, guys. It's a sexual revolution podcast.

[A]

More than one. I mean, I can't picture you guys.

[D]

Sleeping with a porn I fixed.

[E]

Thank you.

[D]

I feel like. I feel like. I feel like five stars is maybe it's a. You're. You know, I feel like it. I. One. I feel like one for sure. I mean, before I met you, Lewis, and, and, and I'm happy to say you're a sweet guy and, And a great dude to be around, but when I first, like, saw you around, didn't know you create your own ideas. Like you said, super fatty. For me, I was like, this guy's around a lot of porn stars and midgets. I. I thought you had like five dwarfs friends. When I first met you, I was like. And that. And that only means, like, you're like. They find you fun.

[B]

Like, Lewis, can we get on the bike again?

[D]

You know, and like, so. So porn stars and dwarves. That's why immediately I just thought of you for this.

[C]

Because, by the way, before Lewis knew me, and I mean this, he means I. I roamed the forest with a giant ox.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. When I heard the name Big J Okerson, I was like, that guy must cut down trees with a giant ax. I imagine like the guy on the brawny paper towel roll. That's what I imagine now you're wearing the outfit tonight. Thank you.

[D]

Slowly morphing into very vulnerable.

[C]

Wearing a button down today.

[D]

You're killing it.

[C]

You're killing Lewis. I'm going to put. Christina, if it's you, I'm going to flat out punch you in the face. Please do it, Car. Promise me it's not you.

[B]

I'm not promising you anything.

[E]

Lewis knows how to play the game. And I feel like he might also. Like, he would think that we think he slept with more than one. So he's. He put that purposely. You know what I'm saying, man?

[D]

But also, I think it's open ended. I think it's like, I've slept with one. It's not like only one. It's like, yeah, I've slept with one. Like, and you said five, so he's.

[C]

Like, I feel like I. The other six.

[A]

And I made love.

[F]

That's true.

[E]

That would be very.

[B]

I mean, yeah.

[E]

I'm going to go with my gut, cuz Jay told me to not change your gut.

[B]

I'm going with Christina. She's a whole part of this whole sexual revolution right before the whole MeToo movement. And then it would really fell off sluts for being.

[C]

Stop calling us whores. Stop raping us. That was the classic trajectory.

[A]

Wow. You listen. Thank you.

[B]

We love to everyone. Wait a minute. You just raped us. That was rape.

[C]

Don't tell me. It sucks. I want to suck your dick. Did you just force my face? I wasn't judging. Judging you. That's not the thing anymore.

[D]

You're going me thing anymore.

[B]

You're going me.

[C]

You're my.

[B]

You're one of my best friends.

[C]

I don't give a.

[B]

All right. Oh, Christina just cleaned up. Look at her. Look how proud she is. Look at that face. She looks satisfied. Like she's like a big porn dick. That's the face of a.

[C]

Someone just sucked off. Mr. Marcus.

[A]

I wish.

[D]

I wish.

[C]

Alex.

[B]

Who slept with exactly one porn star?

[F]

All right, story number seven belongs to Christina Hutchinson.

[B]

Oh, my God, you guys are tiny. All right, Christina, tell us. Can you say the name?

[A]

Ryan Driller.

[B]

Ryan Driller. Driller.

[D]

I love the dude. The comedy.

[A]

I flew him in.

[B]

I flew him in and boy, was his dick tired.

[E]

Please tell me it was between 2016.

[B]

And 18.

[A]

Just after.

[B]

When you slept with what? I. I don't know. Ryan Driller. But I'm about to look him up and talk off to him later for the story.

[A]

Yeah, and he was really hot.

[C]

It was. It was an organized thing for the story, though.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wasn't not going to talk about it.

[C]

Who.

[B]

Who approached who?

[A]

God, that's a good question.

[B]

He looks just like Adam Ray. That's insane.

[C]

Let me see.

[D]

Surprise.

[C]

Adam Ray.

[D]

It's me, Ryan Driller. Hey, Good to see you again. Christina Sweet Puss.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I have nicknames for all my. In my phone. I don't know who that was.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

Tony Dan as a porn star Undercover.

[C]

Classic. Ryan Driller.

[D]

The poor names are so funny. I remember doing Saber the Laugh Factor once, and there was a porn star in the crowd and his name was Will Pounder.

[E]

Oh, wow.

[D]

And I did the whole rest of the set and it was like, dude. And he had all. And the director was there and people were pulling him up. But it's like, Ryan Driller. Such a funny name.

[A]

Well, Jay, remember when we were at AVN, they started with a 30 minute in memoriam.

[D]

No. They did.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

30 minutes. PowerPoint. Of all the people for all of.

[B]

The porn stars that killed themselves in Overdose.

[A]

Well. And they didn't use their real names. They use their porn name.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

Candy Cane Hole. Rip.

[C]

Oh, no. And then the crew members, Rest in peace. Gayle Gape. Yeah, but it's still a picture with her, like in a wheelchair with her hair thin.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Christina, tell us.

[F]

That was so funny.

[C]

Gail Gape.

[A]

You can see her scalp through.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Sasha comes a lot. She's got the fucking thing in her nose.

[A]

Smoking a cigarette through her throat.

[D]

What about Mike Hawk? What's my Hawk doing?

[B]

Christina. What? So who. Who approached you? How did this happen?

[A]

I thought I probably approached him. I approached guys.

[C]

I don't.

[A]

Yeah, so I probably approached him on, like a social. Social media or something.

[B]

And you're like, just come. Me?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, we sex it for a while.

[B]

Sex it.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And it was great. Yeah.

[D]

Actually, what's sexing with a porn star? Like, is the game, like, up? Does he like, a pro at it?

[A]

Yeah, he was really good.

[C]

I'll send you a picture of my dick with, like, I don't know, black ass, a white ass, a Chinese ass, a guy, two guys, three girls.

[A]

But I can't watch the porn he was in now anymore. I don't. It's weird. I don't know why. It's not because it was good sex, but I can't. It's just weird. It's too personal.

[B]

Wow.

[D]

I was like that when I met Owen Wilson. I couldn't watch Shanghai Nights. I was like, I can't watch Shanghai Nights. It's like, I know the guy now. Like. Yeah.

[C]

They say. They say never meet the people you drink off to.

[D]

They do, but that's their opinion.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Se Seven stories down. Alex, where are our points at?

[F]

In last place with four points, Adam Ray.

[C]

Right.

[D]

But I'm having a good time, so. Doesn't that matter for something?

[C]

It does.

[A]

It does.

[D]

Great show.

[C]

So much.

[F]

In fourth place, with 10 points, Christina Hutchinson.

[C]

Playing that game. Playing that game.

[B]

Good job.

[F]

In third place with 15 points, Luis J. Gomez. And tied for the lead with 16 points each, big J Okerson and Sal Volcano.

[B]

We have a table tie between Big J and Sal.

[C]

Going in the. It's coming down to a bitchy cat fight for 50 Shades of Gray, which explores an erotic fantasy built around tension, restraint and desire. As Christian and Anastasia's relationship unfolds, the story leans heavily into emotional intensity and sexual experimentation, using intimacy as the main engine driving the plot forward.

[B]

New York Comedy Club, are you ready for your final story?

[C]

Come on.

[B]

One more story. Alex. Story number eight.

[F]

Story number eight. I once got a DJ on Hot 97 to dedicate the song Come and Talk to Me by Jodeci to someone I wanted to date. I was with them as it aired and it didn't go well in the moment, but I ended up dating them a few months later.

[C]

Lewis doesn't know who Jodeci is.

[B]

I know Jodeci is.

[D]

Say it with me. Everyone. Come and talk to me.

[E]

Question and it's not yours.

[C]

No. Did you think.

[E]

Yeah. You don't get points if people pick you tricks.

[C]

Not yours. No.

[E]

I've only done the show six me.

[C]

And you are the only people on this panel who know who Jodeci.

[B]

I know who Jodeci is.

[C]

Name two of them.

[B]

She was in the Taxi Driver and then.

[E]

There's no way. There's no way.

[B]

They don't know.

[D]

Everyone sing their.

[E]

I know.

[C]

Come and talk to me.

[D]

I really wanna meet you.

[C]

Can I talk to you?

[E]

You.

[B]

I really want the black guy.

[C]

Look, can I talk to me.

[E]

I've been watching you for so very.

[C]

You brought him back.

[B]

This might be his story.

[C]

It is his story. Told through S. Through the. Through the lens of S.

[B]

This could.

[D]

Be S. Knows a lot of radio DJs.

[C]

Too easily. You. Easily me for sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Radio connection. I know you know this song. You listen to that music.

[C]

The problem is Hot 97. I didn't grow up in New York, so Hot 97 wasn't my Hot 97. I think it's. This would have been a Power 99 FM J. Oh, my God.

[B]

Wait a minute.

[D]

Hold on, hold on.

[E]

I'm sorry.

[B]

How long have you lived in New York? You lived in New York for 30 years.

[C]

I know, but I didn't.

[E]

Nice try.

[C]

I've never. I've never called her. I've never called her any Radio shows.

[E]

You want, they listen. This is supposed to be a caddy fight.

[D]

We're doing it.

[B]

We all think it's Big J or S. But, I mean, I'm getting Sal. Vi.

[C]

It's me, by the way. It's me or Sal.

[D]

I don't think it.

[E]

I don't think it was you. I really thought the two of you could have a chance. But you just sang the song.

[B]

But Adam. Adam's from Seattle, Louisiana. He has no idea what that is.

[D]

Rap. Hard rap. Yeah.

[A]

You know what Hot 97 is?

[B]

I know what Hot 97 is, but.

[C]

He doesn't know what Joe to see or come and talk to me.

[B]

And I'm racist, so I would never listen to that. I listen to 92.3krock.

[D]

You don't strike me someone to call Louis. The radio station S and Big J have like, dude, I'm gonna like, this will be. This will go over like it's a sweet move.

[B]

You're with the guy romantic.

[C]

Never caught a radio in my life. Lewis would do this thing. He just does. Does not know who Joe to see or the song is.

[E]

Is I? Yeah.

[B]

I told you I knew who Jodi is.

[C]

Say it again. It means nothing.

[B]

No.

[D]

Do you know the song?

[C]

No.

[E]

So when we just sang it, you didn't know.

[C]

Tell me any Jong.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You know it deep. I'm just repeating what you just did. I think I. I know the song together. Is that that song? Okay.

[C]

I know.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

See, can you imagine the dj, though.

[D]

Getting that call and you're like, hey, I got this song I want to dedicate. He's like, yeah, you called Hot 90 Lewis. What? What song? And you're like, it goes. Don't it up. I'm with her right now. Play that song.

[C]

S. I like what we're doing right now, buddy. I like it. Let's lock in the me or you.

[E]

I do believe the only other person that it could be.

[B]

I'm voting for Sal.

[E]

I agree with you.

[B]

The only reason I didn't think it was Sal because it's written, not like Sal's a silly ass and he would terrible vote. Christina.

[F]

That's fine.

[B]

That's crazy. That's psycho Christina.

[C]

Who'd you put? Me right.

[A]

Maybe I'm right.

[C]

It could be right.

[B]

Maybe Who'd you put?

[D]

I wasn't thinking that at all. But you just. You were like, dude, that's crazy.

[A]

There's no way.

[B]

But also, listen to me, Adam. You would have to play this game four more times to catch up with anybody in the league.

[D]

I know, I know, I know. No, but I'm.

[B]

There's not enough points in the world, Adam.

[C]

If you get it right, you can play giant. 13 points for you.

[D]

You heard it. You heard it for real.

[C]

I don't know if I can do that.

[B]

That's crazy.

[D]

You just did it to me again. You see how excited I got?

[C]

There's a commissioner, there's a whole. There's a.

[B]

It's so funny. Like, we don't take the game seriously, but there's so many people at home that would be furious.

[C]

All my life right now, I was just like, yeah, of course. Thirteen boys. You win the st. And then I looked over at Lewis and it was like, there is somebody. Exactly. In Ohio that'll be like, the integrity of the game.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, for sure. For sure.

[C]

I don't get it, but they, they do. Yeah.

[D]

I want to respect that as much. But I was so. Really, sir. 13 points on my birthday. All right, I'm going to go. Oh, man. Instinct said this is where I was last time.

[E]

What?

[D]

Quite the conundrum. This is your gut.

[C]

Look at me. It's me or Sal for sure. No doubt.

[E]

I agree.

[D]

But last time, last time I looked in your direction, you told me that it wasn't you, and then it was you.

[C]

Cold.

[E]

Yeah. That is the game.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Sal, you're right. He's an ice queen.

[D]

And you just told me you give me 13 points and then immediately retracted the offer.

[C]

I, I.

[D]

This is quite the emotional roller coaster.

[C]

Who's the commissioner of the league.

[B]

Of the Jack Tunney of story wars?

[C]

I'm just a head coach. All right.

[B]

Well, there's that little I know about sports. The only reference I could have about a commissioner was the. The president of the WWF in the 80s in 88. Jack, Tony, Jack, Tony, folks.

[E]

You, but you, yes or no, you did go through a very hard, hard R B phase.

[B]

A hard R phase?

[C]

No.

[E]

Wow.

[C]

Never hard R B. R B was always primarily for the chicks. Rap, for sure. For sure.

[D]

I thought Sal.

[C]

I wrote Jod would be. Jodeci would be music for me. Man.

[D]

If this is Sal, man, I, I thought Sally wrote Big J and then Luis just went, wow. And I think. I think it's him.

[B]

God, no.

[C]

No.

[D]

The gummy's kicking it. Louise, can I have another muffin?

[E]

I don't get.

[B]

All of our answers are in Alex, whose story is story number eight?

[F]

Story number eight belongs to Salvo Connor.

[C]

God damn.

[D]

You'Re good. You're good.

[E]

You never lie to you off game in game.

[B]

It's.

[D]

It's all.

[B]

So who was this woman?

[E]

It was my like first high school girlfriend. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

It was cute. I really wanna meet you.

[E]

A kid from my high school won a contest to DJ for the. For the, like a four hour block or whatever. And so awesome. I had an in from the in inside.

[A]

Why did it not go well?

[E]

I don't know.

[D]

I don't know.

[E]

We did. We dated for a very long time. I don't know.

[B]

It just.

[E]

I guess it was. She hated. I think maybe it was like a little on the spot.

[D]

Maybe she felt she didn't appreciate the dedication. How did the guy do it? Was it like a big voice radio DJ or like.

[E]

Oh, actually, you just reminded me. I know. I did say. I did go in a little bit. I. I said, so we were good friends for a while. This is probably like 16, I don't know. And I just said from, you know.

[B]

Me to her name.

[E]

And I said, I hope we can be more than just friends.

[C]

Oh, God. Yeah.

[E]

Yeah. So I think that was like, turn.

[D]

Up the radio at that moment.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And then.

[E]

But then we started dating a few months later.

[C]

Oh, yeah. And you killed her.

[B]

Change your identity. You've been living.

[E]

Read all about it. My book, 50 Shades in Red.

[D]

Nice pl.

[B]

Alex, where are I. I think I know the score right now. I've already done the math. But Alex, where are our points at eight stories?

[C]

I think he won.

[E]

I like how the entire crowd was like, it's Sal.

[B]

What do you guys know?

[D]

It's a sweet. What are you seeing that I don't.

[E]

See that you were like, that's Sal. Hot 97 jodeci. I was surprised, right?

[F]

In last place with four points, Adam Ray. In fourth place with 10 points, Christina Hutchinson. In third place with 19 points, Luis J. Gomez.

[B]

High scoring game. Lewis tried.

[F]

And tied for first place with 20 points each. Big J Okerson and Sal Volcano.

[A]

I do one more.

[C]

So.

[B]

So I will explain the way. The way the tiebreaker works right now. Everyone else is out. Okay? It's just Sal versus Big J. We're gonna choose one more story. It's not gonna be Sal or Big J's story. It's gonna be mine. Christina or Alex Adams. What you guys are going to do is secretly and secret right now. You're going to gamble a wager A from 0 to 20 points because you have 20 points. So don't let anyone say it. Don't let anyone know what you're going to wager. I'm watching Jay, though. I Know what he's wagering and. Wow. Zero. That's crazy.

[E]

Shut up, dude.

[B]

So you got to make your wager, and then you guys will vote, and we'll see who wins. That's going to be that.

[C]

I put in my wager.

[B]

All right, there we go.

[C]

Wagers in.

[B]

Wagers are in. Alex, one more story. Story number nine or tyranny?

[F]

Story number nine. I lost my virginity to the first person I said I love you to. They had already told three other people that they were in love with them, including one of my close friends.

[C]

Nice and quick.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow. That's your final answer. You can't remove it.

[C]

Final answer.

[B]

Well, talk it out.

[D]

Talk it out. Come and talk to me.

[E]

It wouldn't serve you.

[C]

You to.

[B]

To the first person. Just so you know, the first person I said I love you to, I was nine years old.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So. And he had a huge dick. Yeah.

[D]

And he was like, I love Ryan Driller.

[E]

I'm going to go with my gut instinct and take a page out of what you said earlier. Worked for me earlier. The first person I thought was Adam for some reason.

[D]

Well, I didn't lose my virginity to the deli girl, but did love her.

[B]

All right, final answers are in. Alex, whose story was story number nine.

[F]

Story number nine belongs to Lewis J. Gomez.

[B]

Is there still a way you could have lost?

[C]

Wow.

[B]

If you both. If you both gambled, zero, technically you. It's still tied, but we'll go that a second. I'll tell you. What happened was the. The girl. The girl I lost my virginity to. Shout out to Chris and Welsh and.

[C]

Love a friendly piece.

[B]

We lost our virginity to the song Cemetery Gates by Pantera played on repeat over and over again, again. And I. And I. What's funny is, one and a half.

[C]

Times.

[D]

Non stop, you play the whole thing 15 times. We didn't stop.

[C]

Dude, tape's going to break, man. We going to rewind this second verse.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

No, yeah. This girl, she. She had already dated my buddy Jean. Kelly Jean from the airport. She told him she was in love with him. Why was singing in the ring? That guy?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Wow.

[B]

No, no, that was his name. And, yeah, that was one of my good friends. And she had already, you know, had another boyfriend before me she was in love with. And I asked her, I was like, are you the first person I told that you're in love? And then she told me the truth. She was like, no, you're the fourth. I was like, you now I'm never gonna come.

[C]

To be honest, when we're children.

[A]

How old were you?

[B]

I was 16 when I lost my virginity.

[A]

Wow. Later than I would have thought.

[E]

Jay, did you write that because you knew the story or just because you immediately felt it? It was him.

[C]

Just felt like it was him.

[E]

Wow.

[B]

No, I don't think he knew that story.

[C]

I don't know. No, I know. If it makes sense, I know that he lost his Virginia cemetery gates. Yeah, that's the part I know. But, no, not the I love you thing at all. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Well, let's. Let's make it official. Sal, how many points did you wager?

[E]

All of them, babe.

[B]

All of them. Sal goes out with zero points. Big J, you. You wagered 17. 17 points. It's a hit. It's history.

[C]

You're here.

[B]

Ladies and gentlemen, Big J Oakerson is your win winner.

[C]

It never happens. My eighth win. I wrote it in the book. Everybody signed it. Everyone. Thank you, somebody. You're here on one of them nights. I did it. How about a huge round of applause for our amazing panel? Christopher Christina Hutchinson, the great Adam Ray, Sal Volcano. Thank you guys all for being here on Story Wars. We'll catch you next time. I'm Big J Okerson.

[B]

I'm Louis Shay Gomez.

[C]

Until next time. Peace.