083. Jeremiah Watkins, Matthew Broussard, Chris Stanley | Butt Stuff

Summary

Story Warz Episode 83: "Butt Stuff"

Podcast: Story Warz
Host: GaS Digital Network
Date: March 6, 2026
Panelists: Big Jay Oakerson, Luis J. Gomez, Jeremiah Watkins, Matthew Broussard, Chris Stanley
Location: The Stand Comedy Club, NYC
Main Theme: "Butt Stuff" – Humiliating, embarrassing, and outrageous true (and not-so-true) stories about butts, bodily functions, and adult misadventures.

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Story Warz" brings together a powerhouse panel of comedians to face off in a hilariously revealing game of storytelling and deception—all themed around the topic of "Butt Stuff." Returning hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez lead the contest, joined by guests Jeremiah Watkins, Matthew Broussard, and Chris Stanley for a night of wild stories, sharp banter, and competitive guessing.

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Game Structure & Stakes

• How to Play: Each panelist submits 3–5 stories around the episode’s theme. Stories are read anonymously and, upon hearing one, panelists must guess who they believe submitted it, while the actual storyteller tries to throw them off. Points are awarded for successfully fooling others and for correct guesses.
• Scoring: 2 points for a correct guess; 1 point for each person fooled.
• Prize: A (signed) copy of Chado's novel "Roommate," a twisted tale about a serial-killing Hollywood producer. (“It’s hot.” —Big Jay, 06:09)

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Key Moments, Insights & Quotes

Meet the Players (01:47–03:15)

• Hosts and Contestants Introduced
  • Big Jay welcomes returning panelists and introduces Matthew Broussard, making his Story Warz debut.
  • Friendly ribbing sets the tone—Jay jokes about lookalikes in the audience; Jeremiah fires back (“Nose is not that big.” – 02:02).
  • Chris Stanley, coming off a prior defeat, jokes about defending his honor.

"All streaks must come to an end."
– Jeremiah Watkins (03:40)

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The Stories (Selected Highlights & Timestamps)

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Story 1: The Elevator Fart (07:51–15:56)

Story:
A fart escape gone wrong in a high-rise elevator, leading to a cringe-filled re-encounter with the same pretty girl.

• Panel's Logic: Heavy speculation that it's Chris or Big Jay due to their experience in tall buildings at Sirius XM, and the classic fat-guy-farts trope.
• Broussard’s Defense: “I've never farted, guys.” (09:47)
• Eventually revealed: Matthew Broussard! (“My head was under a helmet, so maybe they didn’t recognize me…” – 15:25)

"If it's your first time listening... tonight's topic: Butt stuff."
– Jay (03:57)

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Story 2: Lost Butt Plug (17:49–26:39)

Story:
A romantic mishap with a runaway butt plug and the struggle to retrieve it, concealed from an oblivious girlfriend.

• Lewis's Motive: Admits to using “booty hole” in the story to misdirect, playing into expectations and toyed with racial stereotypes.
• Panel Reasoning: Jay and Lewis debate who “would’ve told the other this story already” if it was theirs.
• The Reveal: It's Luis J. Gomez. (“When I pushed it in, my thumb just… went inside. She didn’t even notice!” – 24:38)

"Let me tell you something: There is no look of relief more rewarding than when you pull something you lost outside of a woman."
– Jay (26:39)

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Story 3: Road Comic Shart (31:54–41:09)

Story:
Driving with another comic, a fart turns into a secret shart that has to be endured for the rest of the ride.

• Debate: “This is Jeremiah because he's thin and could live with a shart for three hours." – Jay (32:29)
• Reveal: Jeremiah Watkins. He recounts having no opportunity to clean up—just pushed through for a last-minute LA audition.
• Fallout: "Who was the other comic?" / "Dean Del Ray." — (40:27)

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Story 4: Dog Cage Kink (43:10–50:00)

Story:
Dating a woman who enjoyed being spanked through the bars of a dog cage, only for the logistics to prove more difficult than sexy.

• Suspected Writer: The panel suspects the joke’s construction sounds like Broussard’s writing (“...the punchline reads like a one-liner.” – Jeremiah, 44:51).
• Surprise: Chris Stanley confesses—it was a Tinder date kink, not a long-term partner. (“She also wanted to be treated as an ottoman.” – 49:22)
• Panel Reacts: “This lady was a one-person IKEA catalog.” – Broussard (49:31)

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Story 5: Bare Butt Glass Explosion (55:34–64:38)

Story:
Teenage truth-or-dare escalates: a girl moons a winter window; the glass shatters, embedding shards in her butt.

• Speculation: Everyone tries to match the story to panelists’ backgrounds (“Kansas City winters are that cold.”)
• Reveal: Jeremiah Watkins’ sister was the subject. (“Plot twist: it’s my sister.” – 60:34)
• Aftermath: "My dad was furious... about the window, the medical bill, everything." – Jeremiah (60:55)

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Story 6: Colon Cleanse Calamity (72:13–81:14)

Story:
A comic talks the narrator into colon cleansing pills—“explosive” results everywhere but the toilet.

• Jay’s Confession: “It blasted on the wall like Pyle in Full Metal Jacket.” (80:18)
• Panel: “Jay, I believed in you. I thought you could make it to the toilet.” – Lewis (78:25)

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Story 7: Ass-Eating & Pink Eye (82:35–89:08)

Story:
A tale of rimming gone awry, resulting in pink eye and the unfortunate lesson that an eye patch “doesn’t hold the pink eye in.”

• Panel Guessing: Panel weighs both hygiene practices and sexual openness. Speculation focuses on Chris Stanley.
• The Reveal: “I ate her ass and it was great... except for the pink eye.” – Chris Stanley (88:31)
• Follow-up: “She was very dirty. We met at a bar on the Upper West Side.” (88:24)

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Story 8: Anal Frequency Tally (90:20–98:43)

Story:
Dated a girl for five years; did anal six times (only in the first four months), then never again—a tale told like an accountant.

• Panel Theories: “This sounds like a spreadsheet.” – Big J (90:36); “Six times in four months? That’s aggressive.” – Lewis (90:56)
• Reveal: Matthew Broussard. “It was offered up to me at the start, then off the table. I never bugged her for it.” (98:25)
• Panel Roasts: “So you had anal but didn’t eat her ass?” – Jay (98:34), “What a feminist crowd.” – Matthew (98:43)

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Notable Banter & Running Jokes

• Fart/Numerology Running Gag: Matt muses on patterns in elevator story (“Prime numbers! I think it’s a pattern.” – 09:09).
• Fat Guy Stereotype: Jay/Lewis riff on public farting, sharing trauma and strategy with comic self-loathing (“This is why I run a website called weightisrace.org” – Jay, 11:31).
• Religious Overtones: Jay quips about Christian and Jewish sex taboos, torch-passing to Jeremiah ("Christians are freaks when it comes to the ass." – 19:26).
• Dog Girl/IKea Furniture: Chris Stanley’s ex as a one-woman “IKEA catalog,” also requesting to be an ottoman (49:31).

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Final Standings and Winner Announcement

• Scores fluctuate rapidly in the double-points second half:
  • Jeremiah Watkins finishes last ("You did bad." – Jay, 90:16)
  • Matthew Broussard clinches the win after much “sunk cost” voting by others, securing the signed copy of Roommate (99:57)
  • Three-way tie for second: Lewis, Jay, and Broussard (89:49); Chris Stanley pulls ahead of Jeremiah.

"You can eat ass now. The embargo is lifted!"
– Jay, crowning Matthew (100:35)

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Quotes of the Night

• “If it’s not Jay, I’m gonna be [mad] at Louis. Everyone is in!” – Big Jay Okerson (22:40)
• “There is no look of relief more rewarding than when you pull something you lost outside of a woman.” – Jay (26:39)
• “She also wanted to be treated as an ottoman.” – Chris Stanley (49:24)
• “Butt stuff. Butt stuff!” – Panel, closing chant (100:10)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:47] – Contestant introductions & banter
• [07:51] – Story #1 (Elevator Fart)
• [17:49] – Story #2 (Lost Butt Plug)
• [31:54] – Story #3 (Road Comic Shart)
• [43:10] – Story #4 (Dog Cage Kink)
• [55:34] – Story #5 (Butt Glass)
• [72:13] – Story #6 (Colon Cleanse Blowout)
• [82:35] – Story #7 (Ass-eating Pink Eye)
• [90:20] – Story #8 (Anal Accounting)
• [99:17] – Final scoring and episode wrap-up

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Tone & Chemistry

The tone is open, raucous, and raunchy—equal parts competitive and comradely. Comics riff, roast, and support each other. The friendly aggression, self-deprecation, and improvisatory energy make an environment where nothing is sacred—especially not anyone’s rear end.

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Closing Thoughts

One of the funniest, filthiest, and most unpredictable episodes in "Story Warz" history, “Butt Stuff” is a showcase of fearless comedic vulnerability, fast-paced banter, and impeccably timed callbacks. Matthew Broussard proves himself a master of deception and wit, while the rest of the panel cements Story Warz’s reputation as comedy’s most humiliating game show.

“Butt stuff—double points!” (Hosts, 55:08 & 101:00)

Transcript

[Big J Okerson]

Fill her up.

[Jay]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network, Ladies and gentlemen, it's story wars with the story warriors, big j okerson and lewis j. Oh, what is up? Welcome to Story Wars. Make some fucking noise near New York, would you please?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Holy shit. Another sold out show here at the New York Comedy Club. Every Wednesday night right here. Make sure you get your tickets in advance because it's hard to get them at this point. Am I right, folks?

[Jay]

It is hard to get them. We always ask at the beginning of every show how many people here are familiar with the game Story wars

[Lewis J. Gomez]

and who is not familiar with Story Wars? What a dweeb. What an asshole. What a jack off.

[Big J Okerson]

You know what?

[Jay]

Get out. Sir. That beautiful black couple back there. I saw him say no and everybody started booing. I was like, don't, don't, don't.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Please.

[Jay]

Let's not alienate anybody, please. It's a very easy game that we will explain to you if it's your first time here, when we get our amazing panel of contestants up here. Our first contestant, ooh, it's so exciting that he's here in New York. You know him from stand up on the spot on YouTube trailer tales. How about it for the hilarious Jeremiah Watkins?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jeremiah, everyone was very excited for you, but this woman in particular is losing her mind for you. She's so happy and I feel like she looks like the female you.

[Jay]

Oh, my God. It looks like it could be his sister. And she's over. He goes. He goes, sis, come over. Do it for me.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Nose is not that big.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's true,

[Jay]

girl.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I got you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And your second competitor, also making his Story wars debut, he's got a special called hyperbolic on YouTube. I just said that word correctly. Clap it up as loud as you can for Matthew Broussard.

[Jay]

Okay, Matthew, welcome to the show. Thank you for being here, my man.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Thank you, thank you.

[Jay]

Our third contestant, last but not least, I believe his record. 01, right here on Story Wars. I. I know, I know. From High Society Radio right here on Gas Digital, from the Bennington show on Faction Talk Series XM103. How about it for the hilarious Chris Stan.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Chris, we're very happy to have you back on Story Wars. You're coming to defend that horrible, horrible loss that we didn't remember.

[Big J Okerson]

Look, motherfucker, I came in second from your.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My bullshit.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, your bullshit.

[Jay]

He does pull. Bullshit.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, he does pull. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, do we do. People don't know this because it hasn't been out on YouTube yet, but Big J is currently on a 3, 3 victory win streak right now. What? Three in a row? Three weeks in a row.

[Jay]

Is that true? Is it three in a row, Alex? Three in a row?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's crazy. He's learned how to play the game after a year and a half.

[Jay]

Not brought me out of my funk.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

All streaks must come to an end.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh,

[Lewis J. Gomez]

very, very.

[Jay]

I'm not confident enough to talk back. I'm like, oh, yeah, we'll see. I. I think this is all luck. I didn't even know I won the last three weeks. I mean, I did. I just did a blur.

[Big J Okerson]

How jaded are you?

[Jay]

So jaded. If it's your first time listening at home or your first time here for Story wars, it is a very, very simple game. All five of us on this panel, including Lewis and I, have submitted three to five stories on one particular. One particular topic. Tonight's topic. Butt stuff.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's right. Now the black couple's in.

[Jay]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Of course. Lewis is like, now, Jeremiah, I will invite you on the show.

[Jay]

Last week was good deeds. Oh, no, I'm just kidding.

[Big J Okerson]

Odd topic.

[Jay]

Alex, our very lovely producer, will take eight of those stories and read them off randomly one at a time. It'll appear here on the screen. If it's your story, you're the only person who knows that it's your job to fool everybody that it's not your story. If it's not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Every time I guess a story correctly, you get two points for each person you fool on the panel, you get one point. So when it's your story that comes up on the screen, you have an opportunity to get four points. It's a very, very. Okay, once you write your answer on the dry erase board, put the dry erase board in the slot right here and remove your hand. That is your final answer. You can't change your answer. And I'll tell you right now, this is so much fun. This is just a fun podcast, fun game show. It's so much fun. But you know what, folks? We don't play for fun. Jay, let them know what we're playing for today.

[Big J Okerson]

There's a prize.

[Jay]

Oh, God. Oh, tequila never tastes good.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

If this brick wall turned around right now, it's like a new car.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, God.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't even have a license.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'd love a car. It's even better than a car.

[Jay]

It' so much better than a car.

[Matthew Broussard]

What?

[Jay]

It's information. It's knowledge. Every week here on Story Wars. We are playing for a book from the Story wars library. Tonight's winner will take home Roommate by Chado. Roommate is a dark and twisted take on truth hidden within fiction. The writer Chado puts himself and his past traumas into the pages, bringing to life Charlotte, a wealthy, successful Hollywood producer by day and a deeply disturbed serial killer by night. What? Roommate.

[Big J Okerson]

It's hot.

[Jay]

Hot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's a huge book.

[Jay]

Great book.

[Big J Okerson]

I think you guys read it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And by the way, signed by the author. Signed by the author. Big deal. Guys.

[Jay]

We were able to get audience with Chatto

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Shadow, Steve O's weird cousin.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hey, what's up?

[Jay]

I totally put out this awesome book.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You gotta check it out, dude. It's pretty gnarly.

[Jay]

Check out. Check out my brother's book, dude. It's so good. This book is sponsored by BetterHelp.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's a great Steve O.

[Jay]

It's a great Steve O. Yeah, dude. You know why you're putting the age rasp into it now, too? That I swallowed glass a lot years ago.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Oh, yeah. That throat's been through the wringer.

[Jay]

Oh, yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

He came to the show tonight. But, like, I have to do my Steve O somewhere in the show. I have to find a spot. I've been practicing all week. I need to jam it in something.

[Jay]

Well, look who's sandbagging me already. Broussard. Did you see how he popped up? Whenever he said shadow, he went, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah. You gotta keep your composure. I think everybody gets it. That's gonna get it. You'll pick it up if you don't. As it goes along, I think without any further ado, are we ready for war.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

With gentlemen? Are we ready for war.

[Jay]

Then? Alex, would you please. Story number one.

[Alex]

Story number one. I got in the elevator to the 31st floor and farted two floors down. The elevator stopped and I walked out as a pretty girl walked in. I got in a new elevator, which stopped again on the 19th floor to let that same pretty girl on.

[Jay]

That's so. That's like a commercial for something.

[Big J Okerson]

Ozempic.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So here's. All right, my initial instincts right away. Both Big J and Chris stanley work at SiriusXM.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, we do.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And those are big, tall buildings with many and many floors.

[Big J Okerson]

So tall.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Pretty girls that work in. In. In serious. In that building. So many.

[Jay]

Well, that building, they got a zillion.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And you guys also probably eat bad and fart a lot. So y.

[Jay]

But can I tell you something? He got in the elevator on the 31st floor. I will say this we work on the 36th floor.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't dox us.

[Jay]

And only and only. It's like 35 and 37 also, but it's not. We're on 31. This is NBC.

[Big J Okerson]

If we're talking, it is NBC sales.

[Jay]

If we're talking that building, this is NBC.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Okay, Those are all prime numbers.

[Matthew Broussard]

I think it's a pattern.

[Jay]

What does that mean?

[Big J Okerson]

It means everything, man.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Looks like somebody was waiting to get there. Prime number reference out tonight.

[Jay]

Huh?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Huh?

[Matthew Broussard]

Guys, it's the Fibonacci sequence. No, it means something.

[Jay]

I hope Matt plays a Fartanacci sequel. I hope Matt plays a perfect game based off fucking weird, like numerology or something. He goes, that's Lewis. 75 letters in the story.

[Matthew Broussard]

I gotta throw some sticks on the table.

[Jay]

And like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I mean, Matt.

[Matthew Broussard]

Interpret them.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Matt's a handsome guy.

[Matthew Broussard]

I've never farted.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yep.

[Jay]

What?

[Matthew Broussard]

It's true.

[Jay]

I believe him. Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

It's just a Ken doll in the back, too. Nothing getting in there.

[Matthew Broussard]

On the top of my head, under my wig.

[Jay]

I thought you. I thought you take all your farts back up and make them burps.

[Big J Okerson]

Tastes like

[Jay]

this.

[Big J Okerson]

Which of us has been in a tall building? That's not me or Jay. That's the question.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I will say I've been in tall buildings. I'll throw it out there.

[Big J Okerson]

I know.

[Matthew Broussard]

And I've been in some pretty short ones, if you know what I mean.

[Jay]

But knowing it's the 31st floor.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And then 19.

[Jay]

You know what? Matthew's been doing everything but talking about this story. Starting to think that this might be Matt.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Little Map or Sard. Matt, is this your story?

[Big J Okerson]

Is this this.

[Matthew Broussard]

It's never farted, guys.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's never farted.

[Jay]

That's.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I did tell them that they could lie in the rules. We have a little rules meeting. I was like, you can lie. I think he's really going with it now.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

He's like, I've never farted before.

[Matthew Broussard]

Hey, hey, who smelled it? Dealt it, guys.

[Jay]

That's fair.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was that story.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I immediately thought Big J or Chris. Because, you know,

[Big J Okerson]

hey.

[Jay]

It wasn't because we work at serious.

[Big J Okerson]

No, it's our weight problem, Jay. Our together.

[Jay]

The problem we share. The tie that binds us.

[Big J Okerson]

Mania. An inability to not eat tasty foods.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

See fat guys fart.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone fucking farts.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No. No.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

This is why I run a website called weightisrace.or. and that's a real website. It's launching later this month.

[Jay]

I'm not a public farter.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No. I'm not a public farter. Or I. I am, but I will never admit it. Why?

[Jay]

No, I would admit if I had the thing. But I'm definitely not a fart in an elevator for this very concern. An elevator can stop and somebody can get on.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, that's so funny, though.

[Big J Okerson]

But why did the pretty girl go from 31 to 19?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Also, this is a math problem.

[Big J Okerson]

I think it's a math problem. This is.

[Matthew Broussard]

Like I said, I assumed she was getting out of the elevator because of the fart.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

If a hot girl boards an elevator at 10:00pm

[Jay]

Finish it, Matt. Finish it.

[Matthew Broussard]

And an ugly man starts heading up at a rate of three floors per minute. And she's heading down at a rate of two floors per minute. What floor did they meet on? And at which time?

[Jay]

The three of spades.

[Matthew Broussard]

You guys did not taking up SAT tutoring? No, and it shows.

[Big J Okerson]

We're on Story wars.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

This crowd's like SAT tutoring? More like fag tutor.

[Big J Okerson]

Whoa, whoa.

[Jay]

New York. Jeremiah is on the loose. Stugats. Yeah, Jay, you said that you. It's funny when you fart and then a pretty girl walks in for sure. But that's. Again, this is why this would. I don't know why I'm overselling. It's not me. But it's not. Because she walked in. And I wouldn't think it's funny because I would assume, as a fat guy. Thank you, Jeremiah. That she would assume it was a fart from me. Even if I was like, some guy just got off. I think he farted. She'd be like, it was definitely you. You're fat.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And give me my gloves back.

[Jay]

And also give me back my gloves.

[Matthew Broussard]

This is why whenever I fart, I make sure a fat guy is around

[Lewis J. Gomez]

to blame it on.

[Matthew Broussard]

No one's ever gonna suspect me.

[Big J Okerson]

Smart.

[Jay]

Sorry, guys. I came here right from a Blackpink concert.

[Matthew Broussard]

All right, he's halfway through. It wasn't me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I am going to get the voting going. Chris Stanley. Fuck you is my vote.

[Jay]

All right, I'm thinking Chris Stanley.

[Big J Okerson]

All right.

[Jay]

Possibly drunk. Stay on the elevator, too. Possibly at work.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

These were beer farts.

[Big J Okerson]

Jeremiah Watkins was a little bit too quiet.

[Jay]

The only person.

[Big J Okerson]

And that Steve O impression made me think he farts.

[Matthew Broussard]

Big J's making up a lot of excuses.

[Jay]

It is positive.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait ist.

[Jay]

I talked a lot.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm sorry. I'm a person with a fucking weight problem.

[Jay]

They don't understand. They don't understand.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex. All of our answers are in for story number one. Who farted in the elevator.

[Big J Okerson]

What the.

[Jay]

Which one of us who struggles with his weight?

[Big J Okerson]

God damn it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's.

[Jay]

Hey.

[Alex]

It is neither of the people who struggle with their weight.

[Jay]

You al. You don't supposed to. I say it.

[Big J Okerson]

You don't say it. Thank you. Thank you, Alex. I appreciate that.

[Matthew Broussard]

Oh, so it's Lewis.

[Jay]

The was.

[Alex]

That belongs to Matthew.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I seen sweet Matthew Broussard.

[Jay]

Can I say something? I was so sure it was Chris stanley because of SiriusXM that when I said Matt, I'm thinking Matt, I was just doing that to throw people to someone else.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck, that hurts, dude. Fuck, it hurts.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Matthew, is there any more to this story?

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah, okay. 31st floor, fart farted.

[Big J Okerson]

Was there shit involved?

[Matthew Broussard]

No, it was. It was 31st floor, heading down alone. I farted. It was a bad one. I didn't like it. And I was like, let's pray I make it all the way. Two floors, elevator stops. I'm like, out. I'm out. I didn't even see who it was. Just walked straight out. They know it's not my floor. I live in the building. It was actually two girls who walked in, wait for the doors to close, get back in. By the way, this is what's funny about this story. And I can't make this funny. When I retell, I was wearing a helmet. I ride a bicycle. I ride a city bike. So I was wearing a helmet. So maybe if they, you know, when they see me later on the 19th floor, maybe it was that it looks like the same guy. Man in a helmet with no bicycle. Same guy. And they get back in. There were some more people with me on the elevator on the next run. But again, helmets. So, yeah, I smoked them out.

[Jay]

Expressed a local, I think for the audience when I say, how dare you bury that head of hair in a helmet?

[Matthew Broussard]

Oh, I thought you were gonna say appropriate your culture by farting.

[Jay]

No,

[Big J Okerson]

don't take that from us.

[Jay]

I have been doing very well, I thought.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, we got one story down. Where are points at? I mean, I think I know it, but you can make it official.

[Alex]

In first place, with four points, Matthew Broussard.

[Jay]

Fart fart, fart, fart, fart, fart.

[Matthew Broussard]

How is the topic butt stuff and you didn't have any gay guys that feels.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wait, you're not gay?

[Big J Okerson]

Ah, sexuality is a spectrum, folks. It's 2026.

[Jay]

You are right. You are right.

[Matthew Broussard]

Are you coming out on Story Wars?

[Jay]

No.

[Matthew Broussard]

That's the bravest thing I've ever seen. No, guys, have someone that came here

[Jay]

to announce Follow Chris on social media, he's he everyone.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm everyone.

[Matthew Broussard]

Oh, good for you.

[Jay]

He's he him.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, a lot of people think I'm Stanman 42069, but who knows?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's a different. That's a different guy, though.

[Matthew Broussard]

Who knows?

[Big J Okerson]

Or a woman.

[Jay]

You can also find him at Stan Pansexual.

[Big J Okerson]

I tried to buy only pans once and it was like 200 bucks because

[Jeremiah Watkins]

you thought it was food related.

[Jay]

Is this what the fuck we signed up for? To have naturally slim guys with good genetics and high metabolisms? Our fathers weren't good dickheads.

[Big J Okerson]

No, they were drunk and fat. I tried to buy only pans and then it turns out I only bought the right to bid on only pants. It was like three grand.

[Jay]

No, fuck that.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it's really. The story went nowhere.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex.

[Jay]

Did it become a site?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know. We can go to it right now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, story number two. It's very loud. It's jarring.

[Jay]

Appropriate, I thought.

[Alex]

Story number two. One time I completely lost a butt plug in my girlfriend's booty hole.

[Big J Okerson]

Happens.

[Alex]

I didn't tell her so she wouldn't freak out. I had to dig it out while pretending to be sexy.

[Big J Okerson]

That is sexy.

[Jay]

How did you. That's more of a. That's more of a. A tell about her.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Jay]

I thought they put a base on butt plugs for this not to happen.

[Matthew Broussard]

You do it with a base, you coward.

[Big J Okerson]

That like a sarlacc.

[Jay]

Call me a coward. I've had too many nurses tell me too many stories, dude. And the story always involves a thing that was round and never had a base.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So you need a base.

[Jay]

And I'm pretty sure that your asshole. If you follow the track, the maze ends at your mouth.

[Matthew Broussard]

Another puzzle. First the prime numbers, now the maze.

[Big J Okerson]

I vomited up my old butt plug. This is great.

[Jay]

As long as it got out of me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Look here, I. I'm getting a big J vibe. Just simply. Simply for the word booty hole.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that's why.

[Jay]

Because I worked in black comedy for a long time. So what? Dude, there was only one club in Phil. It was a black comedy club. And that's where I started. Thank you. Bet's Comic View thrice.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Jeremiah is a good Christian boy.

[Jay]

Four people remember me from BET's Comic View.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jeremiah is a good Christian boy and he's not putting a butt plug in his girlfriend's butthole. That's not happening. And if he was going to, he'd use his nose. Christians are freaks.

[Jay]

Jeremiah. Christians are Freaks as fault when it comes to the ass. Vaginal sex is only for baby making, but you can butt fuck anyone.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I actually think it's Louis because he has played the game for so long that he is selectively choosing the word booty hole to play with. And also, if you need. If you need a booty hole that's loose enough. Lewis dates.

[Big J Okerson]

So, Jeremiah, please.

[Jay]

If anybody here for sure had. Was dating a girl who could swallow a butt plug, it is Lewis. I can't argue that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And when.

[Matthew Broussard]

When. When Lewis fished out the butt plug, it was actually a different butt plug from a previous time. That wasn't the one I started with.

[Big J Okerson]

Claw machine.

[Jay]

Oh, dude, this girl can ship butt plugs like a P dispenser.

[Matthew Broussard]

I think that's from September.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She just fires them.

[Jay]

Which one was yours?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The blue one.

[Big J Okerson]

Why is there a date written on this?

[Matthew Broussard]

Wait, wasn't this goldfish originally in a little tank and now it's free?

[Jay]

Oh, the tank didn't come out.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Everything you guys are saying right now is true, but I still think it's

[Jay]

big J. I wouldn't say booty hole.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think you would.

[Matthew Broussard]

I wanted to be Jeremiah.

[Jay]

If I was so bad funny, I would have done better.

[Matthew Broussard]

No one suspected me yet, and I'm almost insulting.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you're a butt plug guy. I get it.

[Matthew Broussard]

For me, if I. If the story was reversed, you'd believe it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

If my girlfriend lost the butt block in my booty, I was like Bruce Ard,

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Chris Stanley. When's the last time you had a girlfriend?

[Big J Okerson]

I've had a girlfriend for 10 years.

[Jay]

Do you know anybody? Do you. Do you spit? Take any time with any of your friends?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You've had a girlfriend for 10 years?

[Jay]

Yes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You currently have a girlfriend?

[Jay]

Yes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Get out of town.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not going to a decade.

[Jay]

They live together.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

If he's been with her that long, I don't think that he would be telling a story about his. His girl like that if he's been with her for 10.

[Jay]

Nah, she's mad cool about butt stuff.

[Big J Okerson]

Who doesn't like butt stuff?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Have you used the butt plug on her?

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Jay]

Or has he?

[Big J Okerson]

I'll stare at you all day.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Gomez.

[Matthew Broussard]

Your claims are baseless.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Broussard. Broussard. You're. You're a nice guy, but you. You have some American Psycho energy. I feel like you'd like if it was I shoved a chainsaw in my girlfriend's.

[Jay]

It's very possible you've killed a hooker, but I don't think you did this. I think this. And by the way, this. I just did a whole math problem in my head and I'm not going to turn back on my word. I'm going to go with what I believe. I've made this mistake before.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, Jay.

[Jay]

Go on.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay is throwing it to me.

[Jay]

Lewis J. Gomez. I agree, Jeremiah. The booty hole was to throw it off of it being Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Waste J's J as in big Jeremiah. You're wasting your vote. Take your hand away.

[Matthew Broussard]

Bubble font.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What a fool. Big J is obviously the answer.

[Jay]

Damn.

[Big J Okerson]

It's J or Lewis. And it's not. If it's not Jay, I'm gonna be in Louis.

[Jay]

Everybody is in Alex.

[Matthew Broussard]

I think that one of you would have told that story to the other if that was your story a long time ago.

[Alex]

Story number two belongs to Louis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

Damn it.

[Matthew Broussard]

Good job. Good job.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Can I say the reason I was. I wasn't throwing booty hole to Jay initially. We had booked a black guest as our third guest today, and I was trying to throw it to our black guest.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm black.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah. Why don't you make a Jew eat bacon?

[Jay]

That's so funny. Yo. I busted one up in a booty hole. Like, damn. Oh, snap.

[Matthew Broussard]

I'm sorry.

[Jay]

Oh, snap. I'm up in a booty hole.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So this is. This is my ex girlfriend, by the way.

[Jay]

I know. The reason I thought it was certain it was you is because, like, I've had to fish so many things out of a girl before and I know me and you are just the same kind of fucking piece of. And I'm like, this is. Lewis would tell this.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So, yeah, this was my. My ex girlfriend who is a pretty well known comedian. I won't say her name.

[Big J Okerson]

Chelsea Handler.

[Jay]

Paula Poundstone. Margaret Cho.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Very well known comedian. Goes massively viral.

[Big J Okerson]

Really.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But you guys can figure it out.

[Jay]

Wendy Liebman.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So, yeah, no, I mean, there's not

[Jay]

Jeffrey Epstein, Phyllis Diller.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

There's not much more to the story than what is here. I put the butt plug inside of her.

[Jay]

Jackie. Fabulous. Some more, Madea.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So I put the butt plug inside of her. And yeah, literally the. The base of it, it was one of the ones with the jewels on it. Like it just pretty.

[Big J Okerson]

You're classy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, you know what it was, it was the first. You know, you get the set of three, right? You get the small one, the medium one, and the big one. I was, I was getting her ready with the small one. Small one's not very big.

[Jay]

Dude.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I Literally, it was inside of her. I was like, ooh. And I was rubbing it with my thumb, and then I felt my thumb push in, and I was like.

[Jay]

You felt your thumb push in? My thumb fell forward. What? You did it.

[Matthew Broussard]

Did anyone you wanted to see?

[Jay]

You had You. You were victim of an intrusive thought. You went, I wonder if I could. An intrusive thought followed by an intrusive. You're supposed to just have intrusive thoughts and go, let me get off this fucking roof before I start fucking hanging a leg over.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jay]

So this guy did it in his. Any.

[Matthew Broussard]

Do you ever grow up near a beach and, like, when the tide would go down, the little clams would stick their, like, tongues out, and when you tried to touch it, it would, like, disappear?

[Big J Okerson]

How rich are you?

[Jay]

We didn't grow up by a beach. You rich?

[Matthew Broussard]

It's the Corpus Christi Beach.

[Jay]

I live. I was in a apartment until I was 20. I was in an apartment until I was 47 years old. From 0 to 47.

[Big J Okerson]

And that's cool. There's poor beaches.

[Jay]

So then that hit me. That hit me hard. Sorry.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So I.

[Matthew Broussard]

Am I that out of touch?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

You know when the champagne rises on

[Jay]

your yacht and you're, like, ankle deep

[Jeremiah Watkins]

in it and then it subsides and

[Jay]

you're like, wait, where's it going?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

You guys have been there, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Big J, you know when you're feeding children at Bill Gates?

[Matthew Broussard]

So how did you fish it out? Out?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So we like calipers.

[Matthew Broussard]

Calipers.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I pushed it in and then I was like, oh. And she didn't know. She just. I guess her was pretty gaping.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Wait, was it, like, horror operation where you're like.

[Big J Okerson]

You were treating your like a Christmas stocking? Jesus Christ.

[Matthew Broussard]

I assumed chopsticks.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And then I had to, like, you know, go into her with my finger and fish it out. And I mean, I was literally. I had three fingers in, like, a claw trying to pull it out. And eventually I did. I did get it out, and she

[Big J Okerson]

used a magnet,

[Lewis J. Gomez]

and that's that. And now you guys can.

[Jay]

Let me tell you something. There is no look of relief more rewarding than when you pull something you lost outside of a woman.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yep.

[Matthew Broussard]

It's like. It's like. It's like soldiers returning from war. And the dogs. Yeah. I'm so happy to see them.

[Jay]

I don't even know where you're going, but the analogy is already fantastic.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, this girl's gotta go masturbate. That story was so hot.

[Jay]

Oh, man.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, two Stories down. Where are points at?

[Big J Okerson]

Jesus Christ.

[Alex]

All right, all alone. In last place with zero points, Chris Stanley.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't clap, don't.

[Jay]

Early. It's early.

[Big J Okerson]

Thanks, Jay.

[Alex]

Tied for second place with two points each, Lewis J. Gomez, Big J Okerson and Jeremiah Watkins. And in the lead with four points, Matthew Broussard.

[Jay]

Good.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, story warriors, let's thank one of our brand new sponsors, gld, for supporting the show. I love gld. You guys maybe have seen me wearing my Cuban links chain that I got from them. I also gave James one because I want James to be a fucking guido and he's loving it now, you guys,

[Jay]

I mean, I'm so excited seeing him with his little slick back hair. I mean, enjoy it while you got it, kid. If your dad's any indication, you have to really be relying on that face a lot. That face and chain is going to be doing a lot of heavy lifting in your life.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

GLD has high quality jewelry of all kinds for men, women and children. Apparently chains, pendants, rings, earrings, watches, real gold in every piece and meticulously handset stones, all built to last. Jay, I know you're mostly excited about their collaborations with major sports leagues.

[Jay]

You know I am. I love my jewelry to really represent the superheroes and teams that I like. You can actually create your own custom piece of GLD custom shop, which is pretty dope. A lot of places don't offer that, especially in the online market. With GLD's lifetime warranty, you're going to have it forever. Work hard, change the game. For a limited time, new customers are going to get an insane deal. If you use the Code wars with a Z warz, you're going to get 50 off at GLD. That's 50 off with code wars with a [e-mail].

[Lewis J. Gomez]

all right, story warriors, let's thank Sheath for supporting the show. Sheath is one of the biggest podcast sponsors out there and I love that. The fact that they sponsor a show because they genuinely have the best underwear that I've ever worn. I've not worn a different pair of underwear in years and I just have one pair of sheets. I can't take them off my body. I gotta be honest with you. So many calls.

[Jay]

Because your Venus, your wiener swelled when it went through the hole on the other side. So now you can't get it. It's like a wedding ring you've left on for too the underwear off you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, well, there's a. There's a green ring around my dick now too. I don't know where that's from, that's

[Jay]

because it was plated. It was only gold plated.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They have two pouches, one for your dick, one for your balls. And they keep them all in one place but separated at the same time, which is pretty incredible. Genuinely the coolest underwear. And now I'm watching other underwear companies do a similar thing. But sheaths is the original and they're the only ones that are actually truly built for comfort as well. They carry all sizes from extra small to 3 XL. They even have sports bras and women's underwear for the ladies. Jay, let them know how to get a discount out.

[Jay]

Well, you can go to sheathunderwear.com and use code wars with a Z. 20 WA R Z and you're going to get 20 off your first order. Plus sheath underwear is 100 money back guarantee. So it's risk free. That sheathunderwear.com promo code wars with a Z. Get sheath underwear. Support the show. Support your balls over at sheath underwear. Get yourself a pair today. Hey, guys, real quick, let's talk about one of our awesome sponsors over here at Story wars. And that is massive chips. Chips are the way to snack healthy with Masa. They taste amazing with only three ingredients. Corn, sea salt and 100% grass fed beef tallow. No mystery chemicals, just real good food. These were a hit at Lewis's super bowl party.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

People loved it. People were like, dude, these are the best tasting chips ever. And I'm like, these are actually way healthier chips than the crap that people normally buy. And they taste absolutely great.

[Jay]

They're also very firm. So they're good for dipping. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They come in six flavors like blue corn, lime and churro. We were loving these. We were using them for. We had different dips, we had salsa, we had guacamole. It was incredible. Genuinely great chips. And by the way, they also have vendee crisps, which are just regular potato chips, which are incredible as well. They have three ingredient potato chips.

[Jay]

If you're ready to give Mass a try, go to massachips.com story. That's M A S A chips.com story. Then use the code story for 25% off your order. That is one hell of a deal. You can also click the link in the video description or scan the QR code to claim this delicious offer. If you don't feel like ordering online, Masa is now available nationwide at your local sprout supermarkets. Ooh. Check them out right now. Masachips.com story and use code story for 25% off your first order. All right, let's get back into it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, Alex, Story number three. There's a third story, still very loud.

[Jay]

I like it.

[Alex]

Story number three. I was on the road with another comic. I was driving. I farted. And when I got out of the car to fill the gas tank, I realized it was actually a shark.

[Big J Okerson]

Happens.

[Alex]

I got back in the car and rode for another three hours without telling.

[Big J Okerson]

Why wouldn't they throw out the shitty underwears?

[Jay]

This cuts Chris Stanley out.

[Big J Okerson]

It's me on the road.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Constantly on the road.

[Jay]

Constantly on the road.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm a fucking road dog, man.

[Jay]

This is Jeremiah because he's thin and he would live with a shark for three hours. I wouldn't do it. I'd be like this smell. They all know it's me. It's me. It is me. And we have to stop at a fucking Jetro so I can take a shower like a trucker. Piece of shit toilet.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jeremiah's very skinny. I feel like he doesn't have a lot of ass cheeks.

[Big J Okerson]

No, a fat shart is.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I got a peach.

[Jay]

Okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I feel like I got a little bubble. I feel like without much of an ass, the fart would just. You wouldn't realize the difference between a short and a fart.

[Matthew Broussard]

And it's like a Rorschach thing where it just spreads. There's no cheeks to keep it in.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, it's my mom. That's what I see in the.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's an interesting. Also, Jeremiah on the road a lot, I guess.

[Matthew Broussard]

I hate my dad.

[Big J Okerson]

I do go on the road a lot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You go on the road a lot.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I know that you go on the road a lot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

We all go.

[Jay]

I'm on the road. No stop. But this for sure is Jeremiah. Jeremiah letter. Rip Watkins. Oh.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, wow.

[Jay]

He's thin. He's thin enough to just fart. Fart. I'm telling you, fart stories are not gonna be me. I'm too fat. If I farted and something smells bad in a room, I always go, everyone's gonna assume it's me if I didn't fart.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Now I'm thinking, this is you, Jay.

[Jay]

Write my name, hipshit.

[Matthew Broussard]

Does Big J drive? Philly, right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Big J does drive. Okay, let's see. Hold on.

[Matthew Broussard]

I want to get out of Big J. Does Lewis drive?

[Jay]

He does drive now, but he didn't drive for a very long time. I don't know why. I feel like that girl's leather jacket is her ex boyfriend's, and she never told her new boyfriend. I Don't. I think that. I just thought that was the ex boyfriends. And she never told him.

[Big J Okerson]

It smells like him.

[Jay]

Yeah, it still smells like him.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Interesting. That Jay is diverting attention.

[Jay]

Guys. I'm crowd work by nature. I can't not look at the. I want to talk to everybody. I get this. You don't have a thousand questions for this couple. You really don't have a thousand questions for this couple.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, God forbid.

[Jay]

What happened to this woman from black people that drove her into the whitest person ever? You don't want to know that. I do, but we can't because this is a story wars. This isn't my. I'm not headlining.

[Big J Okerson]

You sound like a junkie.

[Jay]

Right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He's losing it right now. Is unwinding before our very eyes. This doesn't say anyone was driving, though. This just says on the road with

[Jay]

another comic, Louis does Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

No, it says I was driving.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, it doesn't.

[Jay]

I was driving. It's his own sentence.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You know what? Or her.

[Jay]

Fuck. It might be Louis. Too late. It's Jeremiah Broussard.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

When was the last time you sharted?

[Jay]

He doesn't even fart. Oh, wait. Oh, that's what. You lied to me. I believed your beautiful soft features.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm so sick of all the gaslighting on this show.

[Jay]

I hate it.

[Matthew Broussard]

I do fart, but I don't show.

[Jay]

I just want somebody who will tell me what's what.

[Matthew Broussard]

It.

[Big J Okerson]

It's me.

[Jay]

Thank you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Huh? It could be Broussard. We already know that he farts.

[Big J Okerson]

There's not a lot of clues here.

[Matthew Broussard]

That's enough evidence.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He does fart.

[Jay]

This guy does.

[Matthew Broussard]

Say, you want a shart? You got to fart first.

[Big J Okerson]

He's so rich. It seems like he's too good to pump gas.

[Jay]

Though it's very possible he's too good to pump gas also or drive his own car. He's in the back of one of those curtained off Rolls.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Roy, if you're driving, somebody else should be filling the gas tank.

[Matthew Broussard]

That's my underwear. I don't. Whoever this person is is dumb. I would have thrown away my underwear.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Chris, do you.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Ever go on the road with Bennington?

[Big J Okerson]

I do. I don't have a license and I'm 42. Why are you laughing?

[Jay]

I believe him to be true. Dave smith is fucking 42. I believe and does not. Also does not have a license. It's New York shit. It's.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not a fucking licensed cuck. Okay?

[Jay]

No, no, Chris. You might be.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm a passenger, princess.

[Jay]

Not having a license is batshit CR crazy for an adult.

[Matthew Broussard]

And if you had gotten a license, you would know not to sharp while driving. That's what they teach you in drivers.

[Big J Okerson]

That's what they really.

[Matthew Broussard]

That's what they teach you.

[Jay]

Maybe this was your very first time driving. You didn't know you couldn't shark. Yeah, it might.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hour two of a five hour course. We're sharting in the car. Jeremiah, I'm getting a vibe from you being very quiet right now.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Ask me any questions you want.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Are you currently sharting?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Am I? Yes. I'm focusing on a shart right now.

[Jay]

If you weren't Epstein island, would you Shark? No, no. Just no, dude. You know what I'm saying? When in Rome, dude. International waters. You a kid or.

[Big J Okerson]

No, it's not international.

[Jay]

He said literally I could ask him anything. It's the violence. I can ask him anything at all. He said that, right? And that's your sister. Your sister says that's all above board. Your nose isn't that big, miss. But it's nice.

[Big J Okerson]

Bigger.

[Jay]

But it's bigger than most. But it's a unique feature. It makes you uniquely attractive. You're very, very pretty.

[Matthew Broussard]

It was drizzling outside and I stood under Jeremiah's nose.

[Jay]

I just smart at least come up with a better one than that dude. Good grief.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Oh, I could light a cigarette underneath this guy. Freaking YouTuber, Reddit troll next to me sitting at me.

[Matthew Broussard]

When you lie on your back and float in the water, do people think it's a shark? I should have written more before I got here.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like you hadn't heard that, man.

[Matthew Broussard]

I don't know.

[Jay]

Chris. Stanley. Really late. Wait, is this what it feels I'm good at writing. Watkins, you are good at writing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So look, it's I, I. We all have our answers and I believe it's Jeremiah. But if it's not Jeremiah, it's Big J because he's being very animated.

[Jay]

I've never been on the road comic.

[Big J Okerson]

You're lying. It's Jake.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You don't need to lie.

[Jay]

But I will tell you this and why this is a good guess. If it's me, it's not me. But I will tell you it's a

[Big J Okerson]

good sounds like it's you.

[Jay]

It's a good guess is because whether I was featuring, headlining, bringing one comic, three comics.

[Big J Okerson]

You're bragging.

[Jay]

I always drove. Oh, I always drove. So me wasn't a bad guess. But it's Jeremiah. We're all good.

[Matthew Broussard]

I Eat too much fiber. I never shark. That's a. It's a rookie move.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex Oliver. Answers are friend.

[Jay]

Hey Alex, your. Your boss with the weight issues who struggles with weight wants to know the whose story it was and guess. Oh you. I've been good to her.

[Alex]

Story number three belongs to Jeremiah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jeremiah didn't fool a single person with that flat ass. I didn't think that you guys were gonna.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Every fart science.

[Jay]

Every fart's a shart when your nas is that narrow.

[Matthew Broussard]

Did someone fart? Did someone fart? Guys, I would smell it if someone charted. That was Jeremiah on that.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

That was me.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jeremiah. What happened here?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

So the reasoning behind why behind butt stuff.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Love it.

[Jay]

The reason I'm brand

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I was.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I got a. An opportunity for a last minute audition when I was in Arizona, in Phoenix doing a show and I got the notification the night before and the window of time, it was like. It's like a five, six hour drive from Phoenix to la and we were rushing back so I could get to this audition and there was literally no time. Like when I. When I felt like when I got up I was like, like there's no time to. There's no time for me to go clean up right now. And I. I'm like, I don't think it's that bad.

[Jay]

No.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

And then I got back in the car and just kept driving.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Who was the other comic?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Dean Del Re.

[Jay]

Nice. Did you do the audition with pants? No.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

No, I. I had to. I. I made sure I had enough time to shower real quick before I went to the audition.

[Jay]

Did you get the part? I did not.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's weird.

[Jay]

Hollywood sucks. Did you tell him your story? Listen, Transformers 4i.

[Big J Okerson]

This I've been covered in this entire time.

[Jay]

Listen up. Jeepers Creepers Part 3. Do you guys not get the joke as the movie? Alex, you Jumanji too.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

It was honestly, it was like a three line roll in something I probably shouldn't have rushed back.

[Jay]

Suck balls Night. The Museum part three.

[Big J Okerson]

It's getting better man.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Thank you, Alex.

[Jay]

Just hammer it. Every audience will eventually fall another one.

[Big J Okerson]

Tokyo Drift

[Alex]

tied with two points each. Jeremiah Watkins and Chris Stanley.

[Big J Okerson]

Making it. Making it up. Making it up.

[Alex]

Tied for second place with four points each, Lewis J. Gomez and Big J Okerson.

[Jay]

Solidarity. Solidarity. Solidarity.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We're keeping Roommate by chatto.

[Jay]

Yo.

[Big J Okerson]

I want that book bad.

[Jay]

I know you do.

[Alex]

And in the lead with six points, Matthew Broussard.

[Jay]

Chris Stanley. You are so hard for this book which talks about a serial killer named Charlotte, sources her victims through Roommate wanted ads. Her world begins to unravel when missing children in her neighborhood draw the attention of detectives Lask and Watson.

[Big J Okerson]

She's kidnapping kids?

[Jay]

Yeah. As their investigation closes in, Charlotte's perfectly controlled life threatens to spiral out of chaos.

[Big J Okerson]

I know. Don't give away too much,

[Alex]

but what

[Jeremiah Watkins]

would it sound like if Steve O.

[Jay]

Read it? I think we could find out. I think we could have that answer right now.

[Big J Okerson]

I think she has a tattoo of her own face on her back.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex.

[Jay]

Dude, I rule.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Story number four.

[Jay]

What?

[Alex]

Story number four. I dated a woman who liked to be spanked through the bars of a dog cage. I was not good at it because. Because the bars got in the way.

[Jay]

This might be another quiet. Like Matt. Like, we all think Matt's maybe a sweetheart, but he might be like one of those, like, serial killer guys. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Because you.

[Matthew Broussard]

My arms are skinny enough.

[Jay]

You've got a lot of darkness inside of you. Possibly. I have never. I've never been you. I didn't mean that. That was an overreaction.

[Big J Okerson]

I hope. I hope this wasn't.

[Jay]

Whoever that was. I apologize. I didn't mean you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I know you're here.

[Jay]

You're a fan.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're.

[Big J Okerson]

He did. He meant it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He did.

[Jay]

No, he's fine. He thinks it's me. It's not. I. I would let this to me. I laugh this off. This as a concept for some girl going, will you spank me through a cage? I'll go, It's. It won't. It won't be what you want. I'm going to laugh through this.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You can't spank somebody with fingerless gloves on. There's no smack sound. It's actually. It's impossible.

[Jay]

It is a victimless crime. It's a victimless crime. That's why I wear it, so I can grab. I'm like, prove it. You can't get fingerprints in juice.

[Big J Okerson]

Smart. That's a smart.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Chris Stanley, you've been dating your girl for 10 years, but I would imagine that you've dated some pretty big pigs in your.

[Jay]

Oh, some ra. Some radio. Radio slut bags. You were in radio early aughts. When they were real pigs.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, the golden age of radio.

[Jay]

Yeah, the golden age. Dude. When you were doing Little Orphan Annie, you were the gaffer.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Also Horror of the World.

[Jay]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You did. You were. You were thunder sticks on War of the Worlds.

[Big J Okerson]

This is killing guys. Horse it. Keep going.

[Jay]

Drink your Ovaltine. I'm Chris Stanley. I think this is weirdly. This is Going to be Matt Bruce. Matt Broussard is a darker creature than we all had known.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I also think it's Matthew Broussard because there is a joke in the delivery of this and he's such a great joke writer. Like, without even knowing it. Like, maybe. Or maybe purposefully, the second line is like a punch line without. It's like a one liner. Like, I think it's Matthew Broussard for sure.

[Matthew Broussard]

It does read. It does read very. Like, what's his name?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Deep thoughts, Jack Handy.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Well, what I like about this is the.

[Jay]

The.

[Matthew Broussard]

Not to be pedantic, but it says through, which can be interpreted.

[Jay]

What the was that word you just said? Stop trying to distract me with.

[Matthew Broussard]

Was that the name of my first album?

[Jay]

Was that hypnotism? It was. Was that hypnotism?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay's hand just started shaking.

[Jay]

What the is that?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Also.

[Jay]

I hope.

[Big J Okerson]

I hope this was an adult it being a dog.

[Matthew Broussard]

Through what I. What I. Through the bars.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They actually.

[Matthew Broussard]

The man could be in the cage spanking out of the cage to a woman who's just standing outside of it. We don't know who's contained in the cage. I.

[Jay]

It's. It's.

[Matthew Broussard]

I'm just saying you thought a lot

[Big J Okerson]

about this in the last 30 seconds.

[Matthew Broussard]

So it's just some guy in a cage. Like, come on, come over. You're too far away.

[Big J Okerson]

But this.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I can't reach out. Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

It's deep down the kink highway.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jay]

I have every belief. Matt Broussard. Weird Illuminati world.

[Matthew Broussard]

This is tame. For the. For the.

[Jay]

This is something he found out about in a steam room at a fancy gym. He's too handsome. This is a handsome guy story.

[Matthew Broussard]

Someone. Someone is trying so this is someone else's one trying to direct it at me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And I think J's story.

[Matthew Broussard]

I think it's big J. Now.

[Jay]

You might be right. I can tell you why this could be me.

[Big J Okerson]

You're a dog for sure.

[Jay]

You think I would do anything. But I'm telling you being I would laugh through this too much. I'd ruin it. The story would be that I laughed too hard and the girl was like, you're ruining dog.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm a dog.

[Jay]

Me. Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

I told you the angles of this wouldn't work.

[Jay]

God, you.

[Matthew Broussard]

That's why I build furniture and you don't.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think.

[Big J Okerson]

Think.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think Chris Stanley just cleaned up with this crew.

[Jay]

This might be Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It might be.

[Big J Okerson]

Did I up? Is it not Matt?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex. All of her answers are in you

[Jay]

just winked at me. What that mean?

[Alex]

Story number four belongs to Chris Stanley.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

When I.

[Matthew Broussard]

Good job, Chris. Good job.

[Jay]

Good job.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That miss I knew you love pigs.

[Big J Okerson]

She wasn't a pig. She was a lovely lady, but a king. So this story is. It was. It was a. I had a type. Apparently on Tinder. I'm old and a lot of them liked kinky sex.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Type A, Type 2 diabetes. That too.

[Jay]

Were.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Were they so heavy you couldn't swipe away?

[Big J Okerson]

You know what? She was thin.

[Jay]

Okay?

[Matthew Broussard]

She was a nice Labrador sized lady.

[Jay]

I guess as the two guys in this room who really struggle with their weight, I will tell you the fact that she was thin. I appreciate that.

[Big J Okerson]

Thanks fellow fat.

[Jay]

Good for you. Dude, you did it.

[Big J Okerson]

I did, didn't I?

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

So she was texting with you once and she was like, this is embarrassing, but like, can I say something to you? I was like, yeah, sure. And she said, I kind of want. I kind of like being in a dog cage. I'm like, do you have a dog cage? And she said, yes.

[Jay]

So that's crazy.

[Matthew Broussard]

Does she have a dog?

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Jay]

Go. Chris. You're supposed to leave when that. Well, you her that night, but then you leave and never call back.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Listen, this is a. Not only that he wasn't with her. She texted him this.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So he showed up.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I was like knowing this.

[Big J Okerson]

Where the dog cage at?

[Jay]

Oh, you went set up the crate. I'm here.

[Matthew Broussard]

What does her mom say?

[Jay]

What? Do you have a dog?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No.

[Matthew Broussard]

Oh, no, no. It's just. You never know what's going to happen.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know if I should say this.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, her mom was put down. Please do. True.

[Big J Okerson]

So we were all whacked out one night.

[Jay]

Her mom's dead for sure, right?

[Matthew Broussard]

No, but her dad certainly was never around.

[Jay]

Or he was around too much. Like watched her sleep type.

[Big J Okerson]

She did tell me that her parents had a. Like a. Some. Some apartment in the 70s and some dude OD'd and they just buried the body somewhere upstate.

[Jay]

Nice. And his spirit jumped into her.

[Big J Okerson]

Probably. He was a dog dog.

[Jay]

Okay.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Despite all my rage, I'm still just a dog in a cage.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you come yet?

[Jay]

I understand though. It's hard. And I understand what you're saying. It's hard to get torque on a slap through a cage.

[Big J Okerson]

It was ridiculous. She also wanted to be treated as a. What's that? Where you just put your feet up on a chair?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

An ottoman.

[Jay]

Ottoman.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Really? Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, she wanted to be treated as an ottoman.

[Jay]

I'm not going to be able to zone into whatever I'm watching when I know there's a human under my feet.

[Matthew Broussard]

Feet.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I. I was bad at it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This.

[Matthew Broussard]

This lady was a one person IKEA catalog.

[Jay]

No right way.

[Matthew Broussard]

Tonight I'm a cabinet.

[Jay]

Yeah, she died the week that she was a Murphy bed. And you stayed at your mom's house. She suffocated as a Murphy bed, waiting for you to come home and pull

[Matthew Broussard]

her out against the wall.

[Big J Okerson]

Was there something I was supposed to.

[Jay]

She was a Murphy bed. Why was that the week you went to go see your mom?

[Big J Okerson]

So that's the story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's it. And where's she at? Where is she at now?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I don't know.

[Jay]

Heaven.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, that was.

[Big J Okerson]

This was like 12.

[Matthew Broussard]

Did you let her out of the cage? Cuz if not, she's still there.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

At one point, yeah, they brought her to a farm upstate and let her go.

[Jay]

They wouldn't let her get put down and I appreciate that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, four stories down, where are our points at for the night?

[Alex]

In last place with two points, Jeremiah Watkins.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh shit. Watkins.

[Alex]

In fourth place with four points, Big J Okerson. In third place with five points, Chris Stanley. And tied for first place with six points each, Louis J. Gomez and Matthew Broussard.

[Big J Okerson]

Holy respect.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's been a while since I've won. I'm coming back tonight. Shadow.

[Jay]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

I love Shadow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We all love Shadow.

[Big J Okerson]

I like the one name.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, we have four stories down. We are at the halfway point of the show. At this point we're gonna let our panelists plug some things that they have coming up and then we'll explain what happens in the second half. Chris, what are you plugging, my friend? Friend?

[Big J Okerson]

The Bennington show on Sirius XM Monday through Friday noon east and High Society Radio on the guest Digital Network. And YouTube. If you want to really know about Epstein, listen to that show. Not even joking. It's better than anything else anyone's talking about. Epstein and Stanman 42069 on some social media platforms.

[Jay]

They say that right? That's you.

[Big J Okerson]

They say it's me, but I don't know.

[Jay]

Matthew Broussard.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

At Monday Ponde on all platforms. And check out my special hyperbolic on YouTube.

[Jay]

YouTube?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hell yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

Very cool.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Jeremiah at Jeremiah Stand up on all social media. And then I do a lot of stuff on YouTube. I've got a show, a podcast called Trailer Tales and then an awesome show called Stand up on the Spot that most of these guys have been on. Lewis, you still have an open invite to do the show. I have a story about that that maybe I'll tell later, but yeah. And then I'm on tour all over the country. Jeremiah Watkins.com for upcoming tour dates.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hell yeah. Big J OKERSON.

[Jay]

What's the bigJ comedy.com for all my dates Currently on the Greatest Yapper Alive tour. Look for a city near you. I'm all over it. Never ends. I have like three weekends off at some point in the summer, but we're pretty much all year through. Besides that. So easy. I will be innocent of you for sure. Check it out as soon as possible. And of course listen to the bonfire five days a week. Faction Talk Series XM103 with me and the great Robert Kelly. And of course Legion of Skanks, the flagship show over at legion. Gas Digital. 15 years running.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hell yeah. Three for life. Come see me live on the road guys. The Rattle Me this tour presented by Yo Crate. I'm coming to a city near you. I'm going all over the place. Go to my website, LewisOfScanks.com and grab tickets for that. Sign up for my mailing list. You get a bonus podcast there as well. Story wars is going on the road live. We have a bunch of Story wars live dates coming up. April we have the Nashville Comedy Festival. May we have Netflix is a joke festival in Los Angeles, California. And we're also May 21st we're at the Comedy Mothership doing two shows in the main room of the Mothership. So get those tickets all. Wherever you guys get tickets to those shows. And obviously check out all the other pods that I do. The Rags, Legion of Skanks, the Real Ass Podcast. Subscribe to Gas Digital. If you love this show you should know that we do a an unreal. Sorry, a pre release uncensored ad free version of the show that comes out every Monday night on gas digital.com use the promo code war or wars. You save a couple bucks a month that supports the show directly and you get the uncensored ad free version with pre release and a bunch of episodes that are no longer on YouTube or anywhere else. Also pre order my book or not pre order. It's out now when this comes out. Knives and Spoons. It's my memoir. I have an entire chapter about losing things and whores. Assholes.

[Jay]

Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. Lewis was dead. The whole book.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Jay]

And really, I'm reading it. That was the secret we have.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We are four stories down. Halfway point of the show. I'll tell you right now. It's A very close game.

[Jay]

Still.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jeremiah is a little bit far behind. I can tell you're a little bummed out. Jeremiah, very competitive, but you don't need to be. Jay, explain what's going on here.

[Jay]

There's no reason to be bummed out, Jeremiah. You could bummed out.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Butt stuff, pan, turkey.

[Jay]

Guys.

[Big J Okerson]

Assholes.

[Jay]

You could be firmly in the lead in one round. Because what you might not know is that for the final four stories over here, story wars. What we go double point.

[Big J Okerson]

So you're trying to say, as opposed to the normal amount of points one can win, you can win double that.

[Jay]

Yeah. He didn't even say it. The crowd's very.

[Big J Okerson]

I was careful to not say it.

[Jay]

They're very, very fickle. But you do understand the concept before, if you fooled somebody, you would get. You would get one point. And if you guessed the correct answer, you would get two points. That now actually jumps up, up to double point.

[Big J Okerson]

Can I? So I could win twice the amount of points.

[Jay]

No reason to boo. That is a above board question.

[Big J Okerson]

Just stop it.

[Jay]

I just could not alienate our guests.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, story number five.

[Alex]

Story number five. When I was a kid, my friend and I were at a girl's house playing truth or dare.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, shit.

[Alex]

We dared the girl to run outside and put her bare butt on the window. It was winter. And when she did, the window exploded and glass went in her butt.

[Jay]

What?

[Alex]

Her dad came home and was furious.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's insane. How hot was this girl's asshole?

[Jay]

So hot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The same thing happened.

[Matthew Broussard]

My heat expansion.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yes.

[Jay]

Matt, where'd you grow up?

[Matthew Broussard]

Texas and Georgia.

[Jay]

Yeah. Bi. Coastal. This is a winter. This could be a Kansas City winter. This could be a New York or a Philly winter, for sure.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Where you grew up in Kansas City,

[Jeremiah Watkins]

you grew up in Kansas City.

[Jay]

Now where you learn anything about your friends?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Queens.

[Jay]

I mean, one thing about them.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You didn't know where Matthew grew up?

[Big J Okerson]

My name's Cost.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I mean, this is Bong. This just happened. My windshield just cracked from leaving the.

[Matthew Broussard]

That's a clue from a child's ass.

[Jay]

Did you say crack? Definitely do. Got him. Got him.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Butt stuff, folks.

[Matthew Broussard]

Wrecked him. Okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's a great episode tonight, guys. It's a solid episode.

[Big J Okerson]

Great.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This black couple hated it up until story number three. And they're weigh in now. They're so happy.

[Big J Okerson]

Now enjoy yourselves.

[Jay]

Where did you say you grew up, Crazy Chris?

[Big J Okerson]

Queens, New York.

[Jay]

This could be Queens, New York.

[Big J Okerson]

It could be.

[Jay]

Yeah, it's just definitely city kids, possibly. The girls just lost in the world looking to get gang bang.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, Kansas City is very cold.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. During freeze.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

It does get cold in Kansas City.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Kansas City's very easy.

[Jay]

Cold as. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't think it's Chris. Because fat people didn't play truth or dare as kids then nobody ever wanted.

[Jay]

I played so much truth or dare it's insane.

[Big J Okerson]

You might be right.

[Matthew Broussard]

But you truth lose dare.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Deep into my 20s, I know we've. We've played truth or dare with women in hotel rooms in our adult life.

[Jay]

Hand turkey. Damn right we did.

[Big J Okerson]

Cool dude alert.

[Jay]

We could vote and fight in a war and we were playing truth or dare with confused young ladies. It was a different time. You were Tyler bank said it was

[Matthew Broussard]

okay if I saw played truth or dare with ladies in the Epstein emails. I'm like, that's a code for something.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jeremiah. I mean it's very cold Kansas City. Also, it's kind of an innocent truth or dare. Like me and Jay would very quickly be be like, yeah.

[Jay]

I'd be like, I made her squirt on the window and then she. The window busted. But then I with them. But then we double teamed her anyway. She was 375 pounds swallowing shards of glass.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

You're like, yeah, seven years old was crazy.

[Matthew Broussard]

I just pictured that was a year for me.

[Jay]

What's the girl?

[Big J Okerson]

Girl Sandman from ecw.

[Matthew Broussard]

It's. I just picture Jeremiah. I just picture Jeremiah wearing overalls and no shirt and barefoot with straw between his toes.

[Jay]

He was.

[Big J Okerson]

Screw you, man. You grew up in a dust bowl, right?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah, exactly.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, the only reason I don't think me and Big J have been friends a very long time. If glass exploded into a girl's, there's no way I wouldn't have heard this.

[Jay]

I. It would. Everything I tell every show, I go, did I ever tell you guys about the girl? You did. I did.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Jay]

All right.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I voted voted for Broussard twice. And I just feel like I'm going to eventually guess it right.

[Jay]

I'm gonna put down this could be Broussard.

[Matthew Broussard]

I think it's Jeremiah. I also think going over to someone's house is not a thing. I'm going with New York or Philly.

[Jay]

It could be Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

Cold Puerto Rican winters.

[Matthew Broussard]

I think it's like I went over to there.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, I grew up. I grew up in like downstate, you know, upstate from here, but downstate in New York. So we did have some cold winters.

[Matthew Broussard]

Puerto Ricans get frostbite at 60 degrees.

[Jay]

That's true. I don't know if you know but that's true. I'm willing to accept that as gospel.

[Big J Okerson]

The mufungo keeps them warm.

[Jay]

Wow. This is all over the place.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I gotta say, just because of where Jeremiah is from.

[Jay]

Growing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Growing up in Kansas City is a. It's a big clue. That is cold. As to the point where just the simple skin of a child would make glass explode.

[Big J Okerson]

Quit with the ruse, Louis.

[Jay]

It's a ruse. It's ruse.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay Gomez. Alex. All of our answers are in whose story is story number five?

[Alex]

Story number five belongs to Jeremiah Watkins.

[Jay]

I thought you flim. Flammed.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Me too.

[Matthew Broussard]

Wholesome. Wholesome.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Okay, Jeremiah, who is this girl? Can we get her on the phone?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Plot twist is my sister.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No.

[Jay]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Matthew Broussard]

All right.

[Big J Okerson]

Finally, we can jack off to this.

[Jay]

That's the sh. That's the Shyamalan twist.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

My dad. Dad was furious when he came home.

[Matthew Broussard]

About the window or the medical bills.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

He was. About the window, the medical bill. And also, he's like.

[Jay]

He's like. Well, how did you allow this to happen?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hold on.

[Jay]

This is your sister?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Miss, how did you allow this to happen? Oh, she's gone.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

So my friend who. So my friend and I were playing the game of truth or dare with my sister. Had a friend over and I had a friend.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's a hot story already.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Jay]

Well, for sure your friend was. He's the one who dared. He's. He's trying to get your sister to do dirty stuff.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

How old is your sister?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

We were like, 45. Like,

[Jay]

She works at right age. She's a manager for 17 years.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

We were probably maybe 12 or 13. Maybe it's about board.

[Jay]

Yeah, it's only. It's only incest after 15. You told me that. You told me that. You said it was confidential, but I'm sorry. I'm gonna tell people.

[Big J Okerson]

And is incest bad without breeding?

[Jay]

No. As long as you pull out. Thank you. Write this down. As long as you pull out. Inbreeding. This is some white shit. I'm sorry, guys. As long as you pull out, inbreeding's fine.

[Big J Okerson]

Or if it's just a breeding kink, where it's just so.

[Matthew Broussard]

So gay and totally.

[Jay]

What is your sister allergic to? Come on her face.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

You.

[Jay]

You. Sorry. Let's go to a sponsor. Let's go to a sponsor.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jeremiah, continue.

[Jay]

Let's go to an ad.

[Big J Okerson]

Where can I get a $60 kilo of anything?

[Matthew Broussard]

Were there stitches involved?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

No, but her friend w. Went to the bathroom and had to, like, pick glass out of her butt. Yeah, it was bad.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jay]

That temperature change just exploded the glass.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah, her just, like, pressing up against it just. Just exploded.

[Jay]

It. It was bad enough she had to tell your dad. I mean, the window broke, but you could have just made up, like, we accidentally, like, hit it and it. Yeah, you had to say. And there might be some shards of glass up her ass, right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, I was imagining this being a car window. This was the window that you guys were all looking out of.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

It was a living room window.

[Jay]

Oh, so she ran.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

No, no, she ran outside. That was the dare.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And you guys had. You. You watched your sister spread her bottle. Wash.

[Jay]

He didn't spread it.

[Big J Okerson]

Wash. Dude, sounds like she.

[Jay]

No, you didn't watch.

[Big J Okerson]

It sounds like she spread.

[Jay]

You weren't looking. She was spreading and pressed ham and the whole thing. Yeah, but you didn't look. Remember? You didn't look.

[Big J Okerson]

That is a suction cup, buddy.

[Jay]

She was doing things. Sorry.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm sorry. Her look like the fish that clean the edges of the tank.

[Jay]

She was right. Writing things in wet juice on the thing. But you don't even know because you weren't looking. Because you're not a creep. That's your sister, and that's her business.

[Big J Okerson]

Is. Is only glass dot com available.

[Jay]

$3,000.

[Big J Okerson]

What the.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

No, we. We watched

[Jay]

was.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

It was mooning. Mooning is funny in Kansas. Mooning is hilarious. She ran out, she moved, wound, put it up against the glass, and then it exploded. And we're like, oh, oh. And then came back in. And then immediately she's like. She was in pain, and they had to run upstairs.

[Jay]

Oh, my friend.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

And we're like. My friend and I are on the other side of the door. We're like, how's it going in there? It's like, yeah, there's a lot of glass in her butt. We'll be out in a second. And then my dad came home, and, yeah, he was pissed. He's like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He's like, what.

[Big J Okerson]

How do you.

[Jay]

Did you. That's your sister.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What's going on?

[Jay]

What is. What's happening?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

He was just so mad. He couldn't. Like, he. He was like, how did you allow

[Jay]

that dare to happen?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I don't care who said the dare.

[Jay]

You allowed it to happen.

[Big J Okerson]

You should have just made out with her.

[Jay]

You don't understand, dad. You don't understand.

[Big J Okerson]

My sister's ass spin, each other's mouths. Wholesome stuff.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, five stories down, where are points at?

[Big J Okerson]

We're stopping.

[Alex]

In last place with four points, Jeremiah Watkins.

[Jay]

It's all right. You got more points.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I got More points.

[Alex]

In fourth place with five points, Chris Stanley. In third place with eight points, Big J. Okerson. And tied for the lead with 10 points each, Luis J. Gomez and Matthew Broussard.

[Jay]

Everybody. Everybody is still in it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And you know who had 16 points of glass and harassed Jeremiah's sister?

[Jay]

Sorry, miss. It was you. Ow. Ow.

[Matthew Broussard]

Want to know how I got these scars?

[Big J Okerson]

Why so filled with glass and your ass?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Why so Siri Glass. So my brother, see, he made me show my against the window.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I do play the joker on Cartoon Network, so maybe that's part of my origin story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He nailed that audition.

[Matthew Broussard]

Awesome.

[Big J Okerson]

Mark Hamill.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Hey, easy.

[Jay]

No, you're right, dude. Mark owl. Hey, Jeremiah for life.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

He's the goat.

[Big J Okerson]

Throat goat, Right?

[Matthew Broussard]

Do the Joker laugh.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Huh?

[Jay]

He's probably in the ch.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Oh, now you want me to do the voices?

[Jay]

I'm a big fan.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

He goes, do the laugh. I'm like, oh, really?

[Matthew Broussard]

I like the voices.

[Jay]

Yes. Well, well, well. Matthew Broussard sitting next to me. Very, very delicious of a human being.

[Matthew Broussard]

I want that as my voicemail. I love that so much.

[Jay]

Yeah. Yes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I watched my sister put her butt up against the glass and exploded everywhere.

[Jay]

It was incredible.

[Big J Okerson]

And then shots.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

No.

[Jay]

What the hey,

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Security. If one more person calls something out, remove them violently.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Hey, everybody, Lewis is gay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He's in the butt stuff. All right, let's take a quick moment to thank Factor Meals for supporting the show. Factor Meals. We've been using Factor Meals for a really long time. If you're not a person who likes to cook or if you don't have a big family, you're not going to spend hours and hours in the kitchen, which is crazy. There's no cooking required. Factor Meals come in the mail, and they're ready to eat in just two minutes. And they're designed by dietitians and prepared by real chefs. They have a huge selection of weekly options. You're never gonna get bored. And if you have a specific diet, like GLP1 friendly or high protein, they have calorie smart meals as well. They got you covered across the board. I'm always doing ketogenic diets. They have keto friendly meals as well. Truly incredible food.

[Jay]

I'm super in the GLP1 friendly shit. You know, I get down dog. It's always fresh. It's never frozen. You've heard it before. You've heard it from us for years. Now head over to factor meals.com wars50off. That's factor meals.com W A R Z 50 off. Wars 50 off. And then use the code wars50OFF to get 50 off your first box plus free breakfast for a year. Now I'm going to say something, something that's complicated, what they make you go through. But at the end of that, you're getting 50 off your first box and free breakfast. Free breakfast for a year. Eat like a pro this month with Factor. It's amazing, Amazing deal. The offer is only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase. So check them out right now. Factor meals.com wars50off and use code wars50OFF to get that 50 off and and free breakfast for a year. Real quick story warriors. Let's talk for a second about one of my favorite sponsors over here at the show and that is Ridge Wallet. We have known about Ridge Wallet for years. We've been telling you about them for the longest time. You never lose your wallet again because now Ridge has done so much more than the wallet. They now have the Ridge Tracker card which looks like a regular card but it functions just like an air tag. It's slim, discreet and a very easy way to keep an eye on your wallet. Never lose it again. Louis, I know you are a guy who loses his wallet.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh yeah, I lose my wallet, I lose my shit. I hang out with very untrustworthy people. If you hang out with other untrustworthy people, you're concerned about stealing your wallet. Guess what? They're never going to get away with it. They have you also covered with all kinds of travel essentials. They have power banks, key cases and luggage. I am actually getting the Ridge luggage because I need new luggage. So this is just incredible, incredible luggage. Look at the reviews that they have. Plus also ridge has a 99 day risk free trial and free shipping. That means if you don't like it, you simply return it. It's pretty incredible. Lifetime warranty on their products. That is some confidence in their product line if I've ever seen it. And Ridge right now is having their once a year anniversary sale. You get up to 40% [e-mail] by using the Code wars at checkout. That's W A R Z at checkout. Just head over to ridge.com to see their huge sale and use the Code Wars W A R Z. And yeah, let them know that storywar sent you. Great company. We love them. They've been with support of the show for a while and that's that. Okay folks, let's take a quick moment and thank Body Brain Coffee for supporting the show. Body Brain Coffee is the coffee company That I started last June and it is taking the world by storm. And it's not just premium freeze dried Colombian coffee, but it's blended with nootropics and adaptogens that really will help you feel great both physically and mentally. It's got Tonkat Ali, which has been linked to naturally supporting testosterone. Lion's mane, which helps with brain function and memory. Ashwagandha, which helps you be in a great mood. And L Theanine, which smooths out the entire caffeine experience. You can drink it hot, cold, put it into a protein shake, however you want to drink your body brain coffee,

[Jay]

it's gonna straighten your butt.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Or you put it straight in your butt like Jada's.

[Jay]

That is not. Yep, I know, I know. Go give your legalities.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, there's no scientific evidence that it actually does anything.

[Jay]

But I am the science.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The grains feel good up your butt according to Jay.

[Jay]

Dude, what a great nickname. Jay the Science Okerson.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I love it. The science.

[Jay]

Yeah, call me the science.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We're doing a pretty great deal right now. If you go to BodyBrainCoffee.com and use the promo code WARS20W A R Z20, we're gonna give you off. And if you guys subscribe, not only do you get 20% off, but you're gonna get free shipping for life and, and, and, and for a limited time, all of our subscribers, we're sending a free sample pack of the brand new body brain creamer, which is a completely different stack. It's really, really great. Um, you, you were going to pre sell on it very soon, but you guys are gonna be able to try it first before anybody else. So you're gonna get a sample pack if you are a subscriber. So go to bodybraincoffee.com, use that promo code, WARS20WARZ20. Save 20% off and subscribe if you have the balls.

[Jay]

Yeah, you get 2 more percent off if you refer to me as the science when you see me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jada.

[Jay]

What's up, science?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, where were we? Alex, story number six.

[Alex]

Story number six. A fellow comedian once talked me into taking colon cleansing pills.

[Big J Okerson]

It's good.

[Alex]

I had explosive diarrhea all over every part of my bathroom except the toilet.

[Jay]

My initial thought was Matt because he's telling gross out stories because we're not going to guess him because of his handsome face.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You think so? I will say that I'm going and I love you, but you're, you're the elder statesman here on the panel. This is an old guy thing. Colon cleansing stories. Pills is crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not a bad. You think?

[Jay]

I'm currently.

[Matthew Broussard]

I just picture, like, when Wiley Coyote, like, when dynamite explodes, and then it's all black except for, like, the white behind him. That's how I pictured the bathroom in this scene.

[Jay]

Explosive.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're also describing Jay's early comedy career. All black with one white.

[Matthew Broussard]

With a white outline.

[Jay]

White behind me.

[Big J Okerson]

Black as night.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Jay, I mean. I mean, look, I. I love you, but I don't think you've had a story yet. Right?

[Jay]

No.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And yeah, you're, you know, you're at the age where you should be cleaning out your colon.

[Jay]

I'm not.

[Big J Okerson]

But also at the age where I should be.

[Jay]

But I'm saying I'm not currently cleaning my colon.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You also have a particular. Don't ask me how I know. Oh, this story has a particularly clean.

[Jay]

I'll tell you how he knows. He put his finger up it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Dude, I didn't put my finger up. Years ago, I put toilet paper paper into it with my finger. My finger was.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, that's weak.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was an old Legion of skanks bit where he. Shut up. Don't be gay.

[Jay]

What do you, Jeremiah, control your sister?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Hey, what did I say, Louis?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Gay?

[Jay]

Jomez?

[Big J Okerson]

Autism?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No. We had an old episode of Legion of Snakes where Big J said his is clean to, like, the. The third knuckle. And I was like, nobody's clean to the third knuckle. And then he was like, yeah, it is. And then we're. We went into the bathroom, I wrapped my finger in toilet paper and I shoved it up his ass. I pulled it out. It was clean as a whistle. Clean as a whistle.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

But I'm the weird one for watching my sister put her butt up against glass.

[Jay]

I thought the whole story was hot.

[Matthew Broussard]

Afterwards, you go, wow, that's so clean.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was pretty impressive.

[Matthew Broussard]

Maybe your asshole can be clean one day and have diarrhea a different day so that, you know, like.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah, that's not enough evidence.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, let's try it again. Give me napkins.

[Matthew Broussard]

Okay.

[Jay]

Colon cleansing.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't use a nap.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

They said a fellow comedian, so Chris is not going to.

[Big J Okerson]

It was me.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I actually think that this one is Broussard, and I am going to keep guessing Broussard until. Until the numbers coming my way have to come around.

[Jay]

He was the first.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

He was the first. Yeah, he was the very first.

[Matthew Broussard]

I mean, if you give up now and it is me, I mean, you're going to Be so disappointed in yourself. Health, sun, cost, fallacy. Right?

[Jay]

How Cold cleansing pills.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I didn't even know that was the thing.

[Jay]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

See, I think that's a healthy thing. He's in really good shape. That's why I think it might be.

[Big J Okerson]

Fucking guy's a stud.

[Jay]

But Lewis has been in shape. I don't think it was from colon pills.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was colon cleansing cocaine.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah, I don't.

[Jay]

That I would take. That's different.

[Big J Okerson]

That's bad cocaine.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Who is it? Baby laxative.

[Big J Okerson]

A lot of. Mostly baby laxative.

[Matthew Broussard]

Why does one take colon cleansing pills?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think it's in the name cancer.

[Matthew Broussard]

Constipated or is it for.

[Big J Okerson]

It's like you have a bunch of meat in your fucking asshole.

[Matthew Broussard]

Or if you can like a colonoscopy. You want to clear it out?

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, okay, okay. Also my problem with this is I had explosive diarrhea. Diarrhea over every part of my bathroom except the toilet. So why weren't like. So that means whoever said this they were shitting everywhere but the toilet. Why would you do do that now? I think it's crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean you are in the bathroom.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you're in the bathroom. There's one place where the goes the toilet

[Matthew Broussard]

maybe.

[Jay]

Say, Matt, it's like I'm basing that off of just like the farty story. But these stories are all been shitty and farty so far.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

How old are you, Matt?

[Matthew Broussard]

I'm 37.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

37. I mean when do you have to get your first. First colonoscopy at 40, right?

[Jay]

They say 40 something. Yeah, no, I never did you get it yet?

[Big J Okerson]

Get every two weeks?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, no, I haven't gotten it yet.

[Jay]

I haven't either.

[Matthew Broussard]

I just think this.

[Jay]

But that was just a. Oh wait,

[Lewis J. Gomez]

no, I did at skank Fest, remember?

[Jay]

Dude, I don't know. It's a prostate exam. It's different.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, that is different.

[Jay]

Yeah, I never got a colon.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I got a prostate exam on stage. A skank fest.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you come

[Lewis J. Gomez]

do? Dr. Drew said he wouldn't do it cuz he could lose his license.

[Jay]

So we just some girl.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we had some girl do it and he instructed her how to do it. And it was hot.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, yeah, I mean it was.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was exploded glass outside of your house hot. Who had.

[Matthew Broussard]

Who would have bad aim at because this person has bad aim?

[Big J Okerson]

That's the question. Who is incapable of finding a toy toilet while they have explosive diarrhea?

[Jay]

I think it's Chris Stanley again or you.

[Matthew Broussard]

I'm between Jay and Chris, but it's

[Big J Okerson]

the way thing again, isn't it?

[Matthew Broussard]

I feel like it's just harder to find your.

[Big J Okerson]

I know exactly where my is.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So you missed the toilet. Like, pull your cheeks apart, I think.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, there's everywhere.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay would be in. Jay wouldn't on all over his bathroom. There's just something I know about Big J is that he'd make it to that bowl. And my vote, my. My initial thought was Big J, but I'm going. Matt Broussard.

[Matthew Broussard]

You guys, like. You guys like to go for me because it's like, it'd be funny if. But it isn't me.

[Big J Okerson]

That's the point of the show.

[Matthew Broussard]

I'm not that guy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I fart.

[Big J Okerson]

See, you lied earlier.

[Jay]

Okay. Jeremiah.

[Matthew Broussard]

It could be Jeremiah, but he's already had two.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Two. It's all randomized, though.

[Matthew Broussard]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

By AI.

[Alex]

Story number six belongs to Big J. O.

[Jay]

What the.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay, I believed in you.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I thought you could make it to the toilet.

[Jay]

How do you not.

[Matthew Broussard]

Why do you think is. Is. Is butthole so clean? He had just cleansed it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Who is the comic who gave me these pills and how can I get some?

[Jay]

The late, great Todd Lin.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Jay]

When he first started losing weight, he's dead now. When he first started losing weight, he would came back and he goes, yeah, it's like this thing, like, oxy something. Coda, colon cleanse.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, cotton oxycontin. He's dead now. He had an oxycontin overdose that.

[Jay]

No, I'm certain that it's a. It was a fucking pyramid scheme of some short sort he was into because it was like, you know, he told me, he goes, do. You should try. Is great. It cleans your cone out. It's fantastic. And I got.

[Big J Okerson]

It was itra.

[Jay]

No, you have to buy like, seven, eight jars of it because you have to take 18 of them a day.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait, eight jars of fucking pills.

[Jay]

Like. Like a couple hundred pills in each.

[Matthew Broussard]

And he's dead.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Weird.

[Jay]

He is dead. He died from pancreatic cancer for sure. But he.

[Big J Okerson]

Not colon.

[Jay]

Yeah, not colon cancer. But he. He told me. He goes, you should try this. So I got sucked into the scheme and I bought it. And the first time I took it,

[Big J Okerson]

I sucked into an asshole pyramid scape again.

[Jay]

And then I ran. I remember, like, when the first time it hit me, I was like, oh, no, here it comes. He said, it's like this flush, like, blast your system out. So I ran into the bathroom, and I was like, oh, my God, it's gonna happen. It's gonna happen. And I st. You know, I'm standing up and pulling my pants down to sit on the toilet. As I pull my pants down, I mean, it blasted on the wall like, fucking remember when Pyle killed himself in Full Metal Jacket?

[Big J Okerson]

So shit.

[Jay]

Instead of brain shit, Brain matter. Everything was in there, dude. Everything was in my colon. The baby I ate on Epstein Island.

[Matthew Broussard]

That should have been the giveaway for Jay. The writing of that. Every other part of the bathroom except the toilet. It's really good comedy writing, man.

[Jay]

Nothing in that toilet whatsoever. But the toilet seat top, the toilet lid got a taste.

[Big J Okerson]

How much shit was that in the actual toilet by the end?

[Jay]

None. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. It was projectile fluid.

[Matthew Broussard]

And it didn't keep coming. It was just one pop and it was all gone.

[Jay]

It was everything that was inside my body since 1984. The first time I had a Zagna bar while listening to a 45 of Toto's Rosanna.

[Big J Okerson]

What's that nut on the wall?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, boy. All right, well, Rip Toddlin.

[Jay]

Rip toddling.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Rip Toddling.

[Jay]

Thank you for that super column. Blow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Where our points at, Big J? Just clean the up.

[Matthew Broussard]

No.

[Jay]

Matthew Broussard.

[Alex]

In the last place with four points, Jeremiah Watkins.

[Jay]

It's not over. It's not over.

[Matthew Broussard]

Keep betting on me, buddy. Keep picking me.

[Alex]

In fourth place with five points, Chris Stanley. In third place with 10 points, Lis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Strong

[Alex]

and tied for first place with 14 points each. Big J. Okerson and Matthew.

[Jay]

Ow. Where's your stupid white boyfriend when I'm climbing to the top? He sticked you with the fucking bill and then just took off. This piece of shit.

[Big J Okerson]

No one will ever respect you now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Six stories. We got two more stories left. You guys having a good time tonight? You guys having a blast? Why you guys loving the show?

[Jay]

They love it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They didn't know what they were coming to see. They had no idea.

[Jay]

Thank you for staying.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Two more stories, Alex. Story number seven.

[Alex]

Story number seven. I ate someone's ass and ended up getting pink eye the next day. Pro tip. An eye patch is the last thing you should wear. If this happens, it doesn't hold it

[Lewis J. Gomez]

in the pink eye.

[Jay]

I feel like this is Chris Stanley. No.

[Matthew Broussard]

Correlation is not causation. We don't know that was what caused the pink eye. And it would be. You think it's medically irresponsible?

[Jay]

You think Matt Broussard's chugging ass?

[Big J Okerson]

I think this motherfucker.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Because I remember in LA one time I saw Matt with Pink Guy.

[Jay]

Wow.

[Matthew Broussard]

Never had pink guy.

[Big J Okerson]

Sounds like you had pink.

[Matthew Broussard]

I've never had pink guy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Kick him out. Matt, do you lied to us? Do you eat s. No. You don't eat ass?

[Matthew Broussard]

I've never eaten ass.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You've never eaten ass? Come on, dude.

[Jay]

There is nothing hard. There is nothing hotter in the world.

[Matthew Broussard]

Fine, I'll do it tonight.

[Jay]

Let me text my wife. Warm it up.

[Matthew Broussard]

Warm it up.

[Jay]

There is nothing hotter than when you say, he doesn't need to ask. And everybody started booing, and you started seeing the. Not the guys, but the women who were booing. The guys weren't booing because they were like. They're basically women going like, this guy eats my asshole like a fucking idiot. Idiot slave.

[Big J Okerson]

And he loves it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. No. Eating ass rules all day long.

[Jay]

Just.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's part of the process. You can't go. Can't go down on one without eating her ass.

[Jay]

Dude, I chug ass.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, dude, you got to treat it like a buffet.

[Jay]

Yes, dude. Num, num, num, num, num.

[Big J Okerson]

Yum, yum.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Give me some. Do.

[Matthew Broussard]

Do you receive it?

[Jay]

Huh?

[Matthew Broussard]

Do you receive it?

[Jay]

I'm not gay, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, sexuality is a spectrum.

[Jay]

The fuck you say, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone fight.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Enough asshole around to go for everyone.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I've had my asshole eaten plenty of times, but anytime a girl does it, I can never respect her ever again.

[Jay]

But relationships, maybe, but yeah, never. Like, hey, nice to meet you. What's your name again? Why don't you suck my asshole? That's never come up for me.

[Big J Okerson]

Taste it.

[Jay]

But that does sound like one person I know in this thing. Something, too.

[Matthew Broussard]

Does this. Does this story imply they did wear an eye patch and it was regrettable.

[Big J Okerson]

The eye patch is interesting.

[Jay]

Yes. The eye patch definitely did something bad.

[Big J Okerson]

Anyone here?

[Jay]

That's gonna be the part of the stories.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm not a pirate, but I do say the hard R. Oh, my God.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Arsehol.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Chris Stanley.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We've already determined that you date pigs.

[Big J Okerson]

I date ladies who enjoy sex.

[Jay]

He has been in a deep, meaningful relationship for a decade. How dare you?

[Big J Okerson]

And consent is my kink. You guys could take that for your dating life.

[Jay]

I do know that about him.

[Matthew Broussard]

When she's in the cage and consenting.

[Big J Okerson]

And she did. She. That is one past consent she wanted.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I mean, look, I've eaten. I've never had pink eye in my entire life.

[Big J Okerson]

How do we tell you if you're telling the truth or not, Jay?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I think that's true. Some of the dirtiest people.

[Jay]

Louis, you have so many eye Issues. You thought you had a sty for years. It turned out something had to cut it out with a knife.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was a sty that turned into a Shalazian cyst, thank you very much. That's not pink eye. It was a weird thing. Every time I did cocaine.

[Jay]

Your eyes are sensitive to.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's not true.

[Jay]

And cocaine.

[Big J Okerson]

How bad was that cocaine you were doing?

[Jay]

Jake Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow. Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You don't even know me. You lady. You just got here.

[Jay]

She knows you enough to know you like to get. You like to suck asshole and get farted in your eye.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're letting Broussard pull ahead.

[Matthew Broussard]

For the pirate thing.

[Jay]

I don't know.

[Matthew Broussard]

Big J does look like an extra in Water World. So that would be.

[Jay]

I do dry lands a mess. And you think I haven't figured out a way to turn my piss in the water? You're wrong, Mr. Broussard. I certainly have.

[Big J Okerson]

You could just drink it out of your dick.

[Jay]

And now you're not allowed to have any of my piss water because of this behavior.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm putting the vote in Stan, man. Mine's a dirty boy.

[Jay]

Oh, I think it's Matt.

[Big J Okerson]

So freak.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You think it's Matt? Matt's the last one to vote. He does put the vote in for Big chat.

[Jay]

I thought possibly Chris Stanley.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If it's Dude. If it's Matt. Oh, he pulled the head, dude.

[Jay]

Oh, he did pull. He just. Well, no. A couple people vote on to form.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, it's not me.

[Alex]

Story number seven belongs to Chris Stanley.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes, I'm in it. I know your stories. You dirty, dirty dog.

[Big J Okerson]

I was on the air bitching about Pink. Ey. Years ago.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Nice.

[Big J Okerson]

But I didn't reveal, you know. Oh, yeah. Story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Was this the same girl? The dog girl?

[Big J Okerson]

No, different girl.

[Jay]

Nice.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no. This girl.

[Jay]

You had sex with two girls? Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Crazy, right?

[Matthew Broussard]

Awesome.

[Big J Okerson]

At this weight.

[Jay]

Well, it's a couple of guys who struggle with their weight. Alex, it must be amazing to you that we've had sex with more than two people. Hey, Alex, that must be crazy for you, huh? Was it.

[Matthew Broussard]

Did you. Did you eat ass? Again with the eye patch. And then had trouble with, like, the depth of it?

[Big J Okerson]

See, here's the thing.

[Jay]

Shit. That's right. You start licking her ass cheek. I think it's to the left.

[Big J Okerson]

I went to Dwayne Reed and bought an eye patch, but then a coworker told me, you shouldn't wear an eye patch if you have pink eye because you have to keep it open to get air to it.

[Matthew Broussard]

And that's the psa and get more farts in it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Who was this girl? I mean, I don't say her name, obviously, but how'd you meet her? How dirty was she?

[Big J Okerson]

She was very dirty. And she was at a bar in. On the Upper west side.

[Jay]

And you ate her ass. Night one.

[Big J Okerson]

I ate her ass. And it was great. Outside, the pink eye.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Thanks, everybody.

[Jay]

Thank.

[Big J Okerson]

But then I woke up with pink guy and was very annoyed. You gave her pink eye?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, no, no.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

What a feminist in the back to be like, how dare you?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

How about.

[Jay]

What if you gave her. What if your pink eye gave her ass? Yeah, that's.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He didn't give her pink eye. He gave her brown eye. Duh.

[Big J Okerson]

And she had terrible diarrhea.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wait a minute. That was Big J.

[Jay]

It was Big J's. Shut up. Sorry, I.

[Big J Okerson]

Get out of here.

[Jay]

Yeah, I couldn't sit there while you're eating my ass all night. I had to take a oxy blow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, seven stories down, where are points at?

[Alex]

In last place with four points, Jeremiah Watkins. In fourth place with 11 points, Chris Stanley.

[Jay]

Fourth.

[Matthew Broussard]

Nice job, Chris.

[Jay]

Everybody's three in. Yeah, he is.

[Alex]

And tied for first place with 14 points each, Lewis J. Gomez, Big J Okerson and Matthew Broussard.

[Matthew Broussard]

All right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Three way tie. Wow.

[Matthew Broussard]

The devil's three way.

[Jay]

Chris Stanley still on the hunt. Jeremiah Watkins. Thank you for bringing your sister out. We're going to say good night to you.

[Big J Okerson]

She's great.

[Jay]

But no, you can still play because we always say if you're out of the game mathematically, you can still play Giant killer.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's right.

[Jay]

You could always take. You could change the outcome of this game by a lot. Still being involved, but, man, you did bad.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Anybody's game. Still one more story. Ladies and gentlemen, story number eight.

[Big J Okerson]

This is my story. This is the last story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, fuck.

[Alex]

Story number eight. I dated a girl for five years. We did anals six times, all in the first four months, then never again.

[Big J Okerson]

This sounds like a spreadsheet.

[Jay]

That's math.

[Big J Okerson]

It's math. Thank you, crowd.

[Matthew Broussard]

I'm that kind of autistic.

[Big J Okerson]

You like trains?

[Jay]

That's all, is it?

[Matthew Broussard]

Oh, six times those sex times.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Anal in the first four months is aggressive.

[Jay]

Yeah. That means you're dict small. And she was like, we should try this. Or you go hard in the paint. This could be Matthew Broussard's American Psycho. Like, we wouldn't picture this happening, but he tells a girl, you want to be with me? You got to take it up to Pipe.

[Big J Okerson]

I could see that to be totally

[Matthew Broussard]

honest, she could have offered anal sex, though.

[Jay]

You could.

[Matthew Broussard]

Sure, but I don't date women like that.

[Big J Okerson]

But why only in the first?

[Jay]

Well, maybe because why Never again. Now, this could be Jeremiah. This could be a religious thing again. You let your your could be for

[Matthew Broussard]

anybody, but you're the Mormon back door.

[Jay]

Keep.

[Big J Okerson]

Keep the vagina clean.

[Jay]

The vagina is clean. You can just their ass until you decide to make a baby with them.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

The best hole is the loophole.

[Jay]

Yes. Oh, that float off his tongue like butter.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, this is a hard one. Well, there you go. Jay.

[Matthew Broussard]

Has everyone done anal?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Yeah. Okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I'm not telling.

[Big J Okerson]

God damn it.

[Matthew Broussard]

I try, but it just doesn't fit in me.

[Jay]

Oh,

[Big J Okerson]

well, Lewis has a butt plug. That might.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's true.

[Matthew Broussard]

Well, he did start I start with the the rhinestone and move up.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is gonna be Jeremiah story again. He's gonna be like and you know what? Twist, plot, twist. This was my sister.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, the Never again was the glass.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is tough.

[Jay]

I think I got it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You think this is Broussard?

[Jay]

I do think it's Matt Broussard.

[Matthew Broussard]

Okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't think that Matt's gonna He's not gonna date a woman for five years that let him her in the ass four times or six times in the first four months.

[Jay]

What are you talking about? She saw his dad's dealership and really shouldn't have to do that anymore.

[Big J Okerson]

I love a dealership. So much money.

[Jay]

Yeah. My dad's dealership.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a 4 dealership.

[Jay]

And they make a lot of money,

[Big J Okerson]

sell a lot of cars.

[Matthew Broussard]

It's kind of like sweet and pure, which makes me think it's more Jeremiah. Jeremiah.

[Jay]

It could be Jeremiah.

[Matthew Broussard]

It's like a little wholesome.

[Jay]

A girl saving a little wholesome.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

It's confusing more than anything.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I dated a girl for five years. We did anal six times, all in the first four months, then never Jeremiah.

[Jay]

Sis, you think it's Jeremiah?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jeremiah lost his virginity to his wife, didn't he? Is that true?

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah. After six months,

[Big J Okerson]

Bang, bang.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

There's no Is that true, Jeremiah? Did you lose your virginity to your wife, or am I making this up somewhere?

[Big J Okerson]

You don't have to tell the truth, Jeremiah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I've had sex with so many.

[Jay]

Yeah, one Jeremiah for sure.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Dude, he's not telling the story about his his wife. That's insane. This got Broussard or Big J written all over it. What? Huh?

[Big J Okerson]

Lewis.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I dated a girl.

[Jay]

I'm trying to think Lewis date.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Didn't Lewis I. I've never had. I've never had a five year. I've never had a five year relationship.

[Jay]

Can I tell you something?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What?

[Matthew Broussard]

I've been. I've been with my wife.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Wait, wait a second.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hold on.

[Jay]

Oh, no, wait. No, no, no. It said it was five years.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

How many girlfriends have you taken to Jamaica again, Louis?

[Jay]

I've taken five for five days each.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I've taken five. Five girls to Jamaica.

[Big J Okerson]

All inclusive or what?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, we usually we do a villa.

[Jay]

Years are days in Jamaica.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I've never. I've needed. I've never dated a girl that long. It's funny that.

[Matthew Broussard]

It's like. It's like a signing bonus.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

That's a good point.

[Jay]

Sort of. Yeah. You'll get the trick trip. If you behave. Right, you'll get the trip.

[Big J Okerson]

This contract was front loaded for sure.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Or was it backloaded?

[Jay]

Yeah,

[Big J Okerson]

two times the points.

[Matthew Broussard]

Double stuff.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Double stuff. Hell yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're changing it to me.

[Jay]

No. I don't know, I might just write Maddox again. I just wanted to write it differently.

[Matthew Broussard]

Do Metallica font.

[Jay]

I did that. I did that original again. I'll do it again though. In this.

[Big J Okerson]

Has there been a non anal story? Oh yeah. The butt glass in the. In the butt.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

It wasn't anal.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I mean it's not stand, man. The only look, it is the. All the numbers and all the math.

[Big J Okerson]

If it was five years for me, it'd be five years anal. I'm telling you that right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But this could be Big J and the mother of his daughter.

[Jay]

Oh, you think that Colombian took it up the shit pipe, dude? Couple times here and there. Did my daughter come tonight? No, a couple times here and there. She's 23. It's time she knows. A couple times here and there. Not our thing for sure. And it wasn't a bunch in the beginning, for sure. I'm not that brazen. Oh, hey, fiery Latino. Can I shove it up your a. Your cool low?

[Big J Okerson]

Let Latina.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Only if you buy me dinner first. Oh, wait, you're talking about your wife. I don't know. I'm getting. I'm getting Big J vibes. You've and you had a couple long relationships? Big J's a long relationship guy. His first girlfriend he was with for a few years. His wife he was with for a bunch of years. And his current chick he's been with for like 10 years.

[Jay]

Who the is this? You, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

There's a Wikipedia article. Like Jesus Christ.

[Jay]

You.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, it's not me.

[Jay]

Oh, for five years? Who'd you date for five years?

[Big J Okerson]

Lewis?

[Jay]

You haven't dated somebody for five.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I have not dated somebody for five years. But you have twice now.

[Matthew Broussard]

I think it's.

[Jay]

Lewis.

[Matthew Broussard]

You can't change it, right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You can change it.

[Jay]

You can't change it. No.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Once it's locked in, is it locked in?

[Big J Okerson]

How's this game work?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Once you.

[Matthew Broussard]

The rules are slightly complicated. It's matter.

[Jay]

Lewis. This is getting so much right now is. Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

Anal wars is a up show.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I'm changing my pattern. I'm locking it in right now.

[Jay]

It is Louis J. Gomez. Louis, I'm ready to knock a giant down right now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're not gonna win tonight because of me.

[Jay]

Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

Do it. Dude, let me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Let me just say this. If it is. If it is Big J. If it's a big J. I'm doing the math right now. It's a three way tie, cuz. Go Alex. Whose story was this?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, God.

[Alex]

Your final story belongs to Matthew.

[Jay]

No, no, no. I wrote it twice. I wrote it twice beautifully, every time.

[Matthew Broussard]

And the one time he bailed, it

[Jay]

was the sunk cost fallacy, baby.

[Matthew Broussard]

For the win.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Can I say.

[Matthew Broussard]

Can I say one thing about this story?

[Big J Okerson]

Please,

[Jay]

please.

[Matthew Broussard]

New customers only terms exist. May apply.

[Big J Okerson]

Can I. Yeah. We did it all in the beginning

[Matthew Broussard]

and then never again. And I never, never asked for it. It was offered up to me. I was like, this is fun. And then it was off the table and I don't wanna. I didn't want to bug her for it. So.

[Big J Okerson]

So you had anal but didn't eat her ass?

[Jay]

No.

[Matthew Broussard]

Odd. I'm

[Jay]

sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm sorry, Matt. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to start this.

[Jay]

Boo.

[Matthew Broussard]

What a feminist crowd.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Jay]

We care about like the take a

[Matthew Broussard]

penny le Penny tray.

[Jay]

We care about a woman's pleasure here. Story one Wars. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Forced orgasms.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is a wild first of all. This was, in my opinion, one of the best episodes of the show we've ever done. This is so funny.

[Jay]

I agree.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I agree. Everyone killed it.

[Big J Okerson]

It's nut.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Great stories, fun game, up and down. I think I know who won, but. Alex, make it official. Where's our points at?

[Alex]

In last place with four points, Jeremiah Watkins.

[Jay]

Yeah,

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Sir, you're on next week. That was good. That was good.

[Big J Okerson]

Good timing too, you know.

[Alex]

Tied for third place with 14 points each. Lewis J. Gomez and Big J. Okerson.

[Jay]

Hey, you knocked them off.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Knocked them out, knocked them out. Streak broke. Combo breaker streak. Butt stuff. Love it.

[Matthew Broussard]

Lots of streaks.

[Alex]

Second place came from behind with 15 points and your winner tonight with 20 points, Matthew Broussard.

[Matthew Broussard]

Butt stuff, but stuff.

[Big J Okerson]

But stuff.

[Jay]

Butt stuff, but stuff.

[Matthew Broussard]

But stuff.

[Big J Okerson]

Fud.

[Matthew Broussard]

Stop.

[Big J Okerson]

Fud. Stop.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Matt, you get the book. You get shadows. Amazing book.

[Big J Okerson]

Always the bridesmaid roommate.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Congratulations. How do you feel?

[Matthew Broussard]

I'm excited to read this book.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hell, yeah.

[Jay]

Oh, absolutely right you are. You know, now you have as a story warrior, certain privileges. Privileges? You can eat ass now.

[Big J Okerson]

Whoa, whoa. Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

The embargo is lifted.

[Jay]

I'm not going to lie to you. You. That power was inside of you the whole time. But you do get to trigger now our second half of the show explosion of excitement by saying. You didn't tell him.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I told him.

[Matthew Broussard]

Wait. Double point. No double points.

[Jay]

Yeah, okay. Double points.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Double point.

[Big J Okerson]

That's all I want is just to be.

[Jay]

Doesn't that feel electric, though?

[Matthew Broussard]

It felt great. It felt good.

[Big J Okerson]

I bet it does.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm bringing that energy straight to my

[Jay]

wife's house a little bit. And for our amazing panel tonight, Everybody, the Stan Man. 426-969-4220. Chris Stanley. Jeremiah Watkins. Our newest story warrior, Matthew Broussard. We join. Here's the ranks of the elite, everybody. Thank you for hanging out. We'll catch you next time. I'm Big J Okerson.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm Louis J. Gomez.

[Jay]

Peace. Stitch Fix.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Shopping is hard. Let's talk about it. I don't have time to shop for clothes.

[Alex]

I have to buy every everything in three sizes to find one that fits. They know me at the post office.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Workout wear is my only wear.

[Jay]

Stitch Fix makes shopping easy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Just show your size, style and budget. And your stylist sends personalized looks right to your door. No subscription required, plus free shipping and returns. Oh, wow.

[Big J Okerson]

That was easy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Stitch Fix online Personal styling for everyone. Take your style quiz today@stitch fix.com.