084. Billy Gardell, Mike Feeney, Tristan Bowling | Surprises

Summary

Story Warz Episode 084 Summary

Guests: Billy Gardell, Mike Feeney, Tristan Bowling
Hosts: Big Jay Oakerson, Luis J. Gomez
Theme: Surprises
Date: March 13, 2026
Location: The Stand Comedy Club, NYC

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Episode Theme and Format

The main theme of this episode is "Surprises". As always, comedians tell anonymous short stories matching the episode's theme. The twist: after each story, the panel guesses which comedian authored it. If you trick someone into thinking your story isn’t yours, you earn points. If you correctly guess someone else's, you double up.

The show is raucous, irreverent, and rich with comedians turning storytelling, guessing, and misdirection into a fierce, hilarious battleground.

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Notable Quotes

• Billy Gardell (on watching movies after loss):
  "Every night, my buddy from high school would pick me up in Florida and we would find the worst goddamn movie that you... I mean, like, if it was a shark with a water mask and a laser... asshole, yeah, I'm in." (36:52)

• Big Jay Oakerson (on being tricked by a prostitute):
  "I can't believe I just got whacked off by a guy for a little bit. And when she did it, she was always gross, but when she did it, I was kind of like, that chick handling your wiener could be a worse day. Oh, guy hand on my wiener. It couldn't be A worst day, literally." (77:00)

• Mike Feeney (defending himself in guessing round):
  "I don't know. I wouldn't watch a movie when... that feels weird to be like, 'Oh, man, grandma's going down the drain. Wild Hogs, let's rip it!'" (32:53)

• Luis J. Gomez (on buying his son an unwanted dog):
  "So now it's my responsibility. And it's just been non stop anxiety for the two weeks that I've had this dog to the point where I complained about the anxiety to you today as we walked up." (86:19)

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Key Episode Segments and Timestamps

Opening & Panel Introduction (03:31–07:27)

• Big Jay and Luis introduce the panel with typical roast-y banter.
• Tristan Bowling, Mike Feeney, and Billy Gardell get introduced.
  • Feeney defends his record and accuses Cam Patterson of cheating him out of a win.
    • Feeney: "I found out after the show... that someone changed their answer after it was submitted." (04:19)

Explaining the Game (07:03–08:45)

• Luis and Jay explain the mechanics, with barbs thrown and jokes about their streaks and audience reaction.

Round 1:

Story: Childhood friend punches the storyteller after being surprised due to allergy shots. "He was Jewish." (08:51–15:16)

• Panel guesses wildly; spiraling and panic from Feeney makes him look guilty.
• Quote: Jay, on not fitting the story: "Jews have been getting allergy shots before you were aware, dude." (16:27)
• Reveal: Story belongs to Big Jay Okerson.

Round 2:

Story: Hit a skateboarder with a car; yelled at him in anger when relieved he survived. (18:11–26:55)

• Discussion of who in the group is most likely to flip out after an accident.
• Multiple false-starts on guessing, Billy and Jay recount actual near-misses with pedestrians.
• Reveal: Mike Feeney.

Round 3:

Story: Bad movies helped during a loved one's terminal illness. (31:02–38:34)

• Panel quickly guesses Billy Gardell; turns out to be correct.
• Gardell recounts how comedy and trash movies helped him and his dad cope during his dad's final days.
• Timestamp: Emotional reflection on using comedy for grief (37:01).

Round 4:

Story: Roadhead gone wrong—girl pukes dinner into storyteller’s boxers. (40:04–50:55)

• Crude, classic Story Warz energy; focus on who would still wear boxers and stories about road-trip debauchery.
• After much debate and double-bluffing, panel correctly lands on Tristan Bowling.
• Favorite moment: Jay draws Tristan’s "whole dick" as his guess (47:30).

Halfway Update and Plugs (51:10–55:16)

• Points update: Jay and Tristan tied for first; Billy trailing.
• Panel quickfire plugs for tours, podcasts, and other projects.

Game Shifts to Double Points (55:16–56:08)

• Stakes double for last half.

Round 5:

Story: Turned $65 into $6,500 on rent week after blowing paycheck gambling. (56:08–62:59)

• Panel methodically eliminates themselves; Billy finally reveals his "degenerate" comedy-on-the-road glory story from Tunica, Mississippi.

Round 6:

Story: Public masturbation by surprise ‘chick with dick’ in Times Square. (67:52–77:22)

• Jay and Luis recount Times Square promotion and sex worker stories.
• Jay admits to being the victim of the encounter for the story, feigning ignorance during initial guesses for maximum distraction.

Round 7:

Story: Bought expensive gifted family member didn’t want, now causes great anxiety. (78:33–86:41)

• Suspicion lands on Feeney and Tristan; turns out, it's Luis—who bought his son a dog he didn't want, leaving Luis with unwanted "puppy stress".

Final Round:

Story: Japanese fisherman saves panelist from drowning. (89:15–99:55)

• Debate centers on logistics of Japanese fishermen appearing in Arizona.
• Mike Feeney, who had a lifeguard background, is rescued after a Florida surfing mishap by a Japanese fisherman—surprising everyone.
• Quote: "He pulled me up and he just is my guardian angel, you know?" (99:53)

Closing Points and Winner (100:01–101:44)

• Final points:
  • 4th: Tristan Bolling
  • 3rd: Big Jay Okerson
  • 2nd: Mike Feeney
  • Winner: Luis J. Gomez by a single point
• Luis celebrates, Jay laments the crowd’s deflated energy anytime he wins:
  • Luis: "They're so bummed out." (101:44)

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Episode Highlights & Memorable Moments

• Billy Gardell’s First Appearance: Billy’s authenticity and openness on grief and old-school road comedy vibes bring a tender note to the chaotic comedy.
• Feeney’s Spiraling: Early rounds are dominated by Feeney’s anxious, self-defensive spirals and insistences, which become a major running joke.
• Jay’s Bluffs and Storytelling Mastery: Jay’s deceptive streak and storytelling prowess get the spotlight; his Times Square story is a gross-out highlight.
• Audience Engagement and Live Energy: The crowd is active, often invoked for laughs or tension—especially when panelists verify each other’s stories about New York and road gigs.

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Panel Dynamic and Tone

• Unfiltered, Roasty, and Self-Deprecating: Banter is brash, self-aware, and intentionally offensive in classic Gas Digital style; the panel spares no one, not even themselves.
• Storytelling as Gladiatorial Combat: Each round, comedians bluff and undercut each other—using personal revelations, fake-outs, and mock betrayal.

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Final Scores and Takeaway

| Panelist | Final Points | |-----------------|-------------| | Billy Gardell | 7 | | Tristan Bowling | 14 | | Big Jay Okerson | 16 | | Mike Feeney | 17 | | Luis J. Gomez | 18 (Winner) |

Luis J. Gomez is crowned the Story Warrior, narrowly clinching victory by sticking to his competitive guns.

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Best Enjoyed If...

• You love comic storytelling under a spotlight, panel-game trickery, raunchy asides, and behind-the-scenes stories from working comedians.
• Memorable for its blend of vulnerability (coping with loss via comedy), absurdity (public handjobs, vomiting roadhead), and meta-game strategizing.

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For more, watch the episode for the full uncut chaos—ads, plugs, and all-around comic mayhem excluded from this summary.

Transcript

[Luis J. Gomez]

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[Big J Okerson]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Ladies and gentlemen, story war with the story warriors, big j okerson and lewis j. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. What is up, New York City? Thank you for coming to New York Comedy Club for Story Wars. Make some noise in here, would you please?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It is another sold out show here at the New York Comedy Club. We just found it as 13 weeks in a row where we've sold this place out. Guys, thank you for being a part of history.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Part of history. That's it. Thirteen weeks in a row.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right.

[Big J Okerson]

I was making a bigger deal. Real nice. Real nice. Seraphina.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

God damn it. Seraphina.

[Big J Okerson]

God damn it. Seraphina.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Seraphina. Also sub dressing in Big J's old clothes. This is insane. You're a hot girl. Act like it.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you're doing the right thing. Play it down. Everybody knows. Don't be a slut like Alex over there. Look at Alex showing all that fucking clavico and shoulder shit. Oh my God, you're a mother, for Christ's sakes. Hey, how many people here are familiar with the game Story Wars?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And how many people are not familiar with the game Story Wars?

[Big J Okerson]

That's not how you welcome people.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Educate yourselves.

[Big J Okerson]

Losers. You got people.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, I'll tell you right now, if you're not familiar with the game of Story wars, you should know we never have this light working. It's a thing. Why would we?

[Big J Okerson]

What light is that?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Our devil light piece of.

[Alex (Producer)]

Actually today when we plugged it In. It worked for a minute, and then it started actually emitting smoke.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Alex (Producer)]

It was almost on fire.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck you, slut.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Nice shoulders, hugger.

[Big J Okerson]

Whoa. This is a family show. If it is your first time here or you're unfamiliar listening at home with the game Story wars, we'll explain after we get at our esteemed, esteemed panel. What do you say we bring them out, everybody? Our first contestant tonight, he has a Story wars record of 0 and 1. You know him from the Modern Apes podcast and the Fight podcast. How about it for the hilarious Tristan Bowling in the house?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Tristan, the only time you've been on the show, you had one of the record lowest scores in Story wars history.

[Mike Feeney]

That is true.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

And I'm trying to run it back, but better tonight.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Our second competitor with a record of 02 on Story wars, he's got a great podcast called Co Host Wanted with Mike Feeney. Ladies and gentlemen, clap it up as loud as you can for Mike Feeney.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I just want to say, for a record, there's an asterisk on that because I found out after the show that I did last time when I had one of the greatest comebacks of all time, that certain guests who might have won the episode by one point apparently changed their answer after it was submitted and took it back and changed it. So I think that's a one in one, a soft one and one.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I didn't pay attention to anything you just said.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I was talking to Jay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I was writing down.

[Big J Okerson]

Who was the person who fucking fucked you over?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Cam. He was on. He's on SNL now.

[Big J Okerson]

Cam Patterson. Cam Patterson.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It got sent to me, like, four videos because I like how. I like how you guys take it as seriously as the comics end up taking it, because people are like, you got.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, you got.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So it's good to know, you know, so now I'm coming. I'm. I'm coming to play, to win here.

[Billy Gardell]

I'm watching.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I got my eyes on these fucking.

[Big J Okerson]

Keep your eyes on people. People are shifty.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

For the first time on the show, our final contestant, a comedy legend. You might know him from shows such as Mike and Molly or Bob Hart's Abishola or maybe even Young Sheldon. Make some noise for the hilarious Billy Gard. It's a big get for us, and I'm sorry that we sat you next to a table full of 0 and 1 and 02 players.

[Billy Gardell]

That's all right. That's good. I'm not gonna look. I don't know what the hell I'm doing the television business. Took a shit. I'm here. Thank you for having me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Isn't it weird to watch TV and movie stars on podcasts? I saw Leonardo DiCaprio doing a podcast the other day. I was like, what the fuck happened to Leo?

[Luis J. Gomez]

How bad is Hollyw doing?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Terrible, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Every time we hang out with TJ Miller, I'm like, you were in Transformers. Why do I know you? If you're unfamiliar with the game Story wars, it is your first time here. It is a very, very simple game. All five of us on this panel, including Lewis and I, have submitted three to five stories on one particular subject. Tonight's subject, Surprises.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And I had just Googled how to spell surprises.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I just realized that's why you weren't paying attention. I saw you writing and having to

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Google how I spelled it wrong first.

[Big J Okerson]

And then I first.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You didn't have the R. I didn't have the first R. Surprises. I went, surprises. I thought, dude, what are you surprised? I'm Puerto Rican.

[Big J Okerson]

That's true. I put two P's. Surprised?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Surprised.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, our lovely slutty producer.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Our sultry producer.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. That whore bag over there is going to read off these stories one at a time. Eight of them, in fact. And if it is your story that appears up on the screen, you're the only person who knows that it's your job to convince everybody it's not your story. If it's not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Every time you fool a person, you get one point. So you can get up to four points if it's your story. And every time you get the story correctly, you get two points once you write your answer on the dry erase board. Put the dry erase board in the little slot right here and remove your hand. That's it. You cannot change your answer. And I'll tell you right now, this is so much fun, Billy, you're gonna have fun. The boys already know they've been here before. The people that have been here before, you know, it's so much fun. But we do not play for fun on story. Where's Jay? Let them know what we're playing for today.

[Big J Okerson]

Ah. Never tastes better. Every week here on Story wars, we are playing for a book from the Story wars library. This week's winner takes home Olivia Kitteridge. Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout. Olive Kitteridge is a Pulitzer Prize winning fictional novel about a retired middle school math teacher known for her sharp tongue, strict moral code, and emotional reserve. While Olive can be harsh and intimidating. The book slowly reveals her intelligence, vulnerability, and fierce attachment to life as she navigates marriage, motherhood, and aging.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

286 pages of gold. And we got a little picture of the author in the back. One person today. Right there.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice toit. Yeah. Elizabeth Strout Wood. I think everybody that gets it is gonna get it right. What do you say? Is this crowd ready for war? Is this crowd ready for war? Pew, pew, pew, pew. My fucking legs. I can't feel my fucking legs. Sorry, Alex. Without any further ado, story number one.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number one. As a child, my best friend once punched me in the stomach in front of a bunch of other kids because I surprised him from behind by slapping his arm right where it was sore from allergy shots. He was Jewish.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Okay. There's a lot. There's so many elements of this story. Once punched me in the stomach in front of a bunch of other kids. Hanging out with Jews. You know, it's not me.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm out.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I was. I only started hanging out with Jews later on in my life.

[Big J Okerson]

I. The only thing. The fact that he was Jewish and it says best friend makes me think it's not you for sure. Having a friend angry enough to punch you in his stomach made a lot of sense.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jesus was my best friend growing up.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I know that.

[Mike Feeney]

Jesus is Jewish.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, God damn it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Dead to rights, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Feeny, you grew up in Long Island. Long Island.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Plenty of Jews. Lots of Jews.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Plenty of Jews.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Too many. Some would say Billy Gardell.

[Big J Okerson]

And those Jews are teeming with allergies.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

It seems to me like you have to have money and health care to have allergies.

[Big J Okerson]

It's true. Yeah. Which again, dials dial back to Jewish.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I will say this, though. I was not a punch people in the stomach kind of kid. And I was very skinny as a kid, so even punching somebody in the stomach probably wouldn't elicit the sort of reaction like, this is here. This is why I think that. And I've already written it down.

[Big J Okerson]

Mike, I think this is you because you haven't even described the story that's on screen. You're reading it.

[Mike Feeney]

He's like, the best friend punched you in the stomach, not you punching.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, wait a minute. I might have to redo this.

[Mike Feeney]

It's fucking Mike.

[Big J Okerson]

We ain't fuck that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Is he playing the game?

[Big J Okerson]

Wait a minute. I think that was crazy. He's looking at it. He's like, I don't punch. He's looking at it. Doesn't say that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I thought it was that I read the. I definitely read the thing wrong. I thought it was.

[Big J Okerson]

Stop squinting and leaning forward, Mike.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Here's what.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All I want to say is this. And I can promise you it not only was not me, but I think that it's either down to Louis, but I don't know anything about.

[Mike Feeney]

Dude, you're spiraling right now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You are. Feeny, you've said absolutely spiraling 45,000 words in the past minute.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But here's never made a sentence. Here's why. It's because I want to make sure that the person who it is doesn't get the point. And I see how quickly he.

[Big J Okerson]

But you wrote Lewis already.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I wrote Lewis before he started accusing me and doing this. So now I'm thinking, am I.

[Big J Okerson]

You are spiraling.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I am spiraling, but it's a different kind of spiral. It's a defensive spiral. It's not a don't look at me spiral.

[Mike Feeney]

They sound the same.

[Big J Okerson]

Billy, can you make some sense of all this? What's happening out here?

[Billy Gardell]

Billy, you seem like you'd make coffee nervous.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I do. God damn it.

[Billy Gardell]

I think you're lying.

[Luis J. Gomez]

God damn it, I think.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I didn't think it was him until he started spiraling.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's not. I'm a much better liar than that. If he was my story, you would not have guessed.

[Big J Okerson]

It's me right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm telling you.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm getting angry.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wait a minute.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can we at least have due process

[Lewis J. Gomez]

here before we vote? Before we vote? Don't jump the gun here. One sec. Everyone's going to vote. Mike, right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What he's doing so mad.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Let's find out a little bit. Billy. Billy, where'd you grow up?

[Billy Gardell]

I grew up in Pittsburgh.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Pittsburgh. No Jews in Pittsburgh.

[Big J Okerson]

No Jews.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

We. Squirrel Hill. That would be our Squirrel Hill.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but too much steel and industry out there. That's what I mean.

[Billy Gardell]

I was. I wasn't allowed over there.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

They didn't let me out of there.

[Luis J. Gomez]

My little rock quarry, also. No. No offense to you, Billy, but I feel like you. You. You. You were a child before allergy shots.

[Billy Gardell]

Yeah, we didn't have that. Yeah, we just had. Stop itching. That's what we had.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That sounds nice. On it.

[Mike Feeney]

He's talking about the cure for polio.

[Big J Okerson]

That's what your skin's supposed to look like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Idiot.

[Mike Feeney]

I hit my friend in his iron lung.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, this is. This is actually a great point that Feeny just brought up, which is that, like, allergy shots. Is definitely a younger generation thing. I'm knocking out Billy. I'm knocking out Big J right now. This is Feeney or Tristan. This could easily. And Tristan, where'd you grow up?

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's what I'm saying. We don't know anything about.

[Big J Okerson]

Stop. Eric.

[Mike Feeney]

You got to follow the plan, man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What are you talking about? We know anything about this guy? Is he wearing a wire?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Foodie is on the best cocaine ever. That's all it is.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I need a couple of these to edge me out. But it's.

[Big J Okerson]

So where.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Where did you grow up? Trist.

[Mike Feeney]

Arizona. Zero Jews.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

There's Jews in Arizona.

[Mike Feeney]

There's snowbirds. They come when it's cold everywhere.

[Big J Okerson]

We love Jesus.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's exactly when you punch them. And guess what? Also Arizona. Arizona. A lot of allergies in Arizona.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's tr.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't want to do my money fucking fall into pieces, man. I'm going to. You're going to.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're wasting your fucking vote. And I'm telling you that right from the bottom of my heart.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think you're wasting your vote. I think this is.

[Mike Feeney]

Tristan, you're out of your fucking mind.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But also. Wait a minute.

[Mike Feeney]

Like, how composed I am.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I will.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm not shaking you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I will say this. Tristan is not spiraling right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's not spiraling too much. Look at my hands.

[Big J Okerson]

As everything's going. Dude, he's on fire over there.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Someone would argue that. He is. He's not. He's not defensive enough.

[Mike Feeney]

That's Johnny Cochran over here, dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And also, let me throw one of these out for Louis. I know Louis, where you grew up was a very highly Jewish area.

[Big J Okerson]

Whoa. Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

Whoa.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We didn't hang out with him.

[Big J Okerson]

He wasn't allowed to hang out with him.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but that doesn't. That's okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You know. What's up, doggy Muncie? Muncie all day, baby boy. The highest concentration of Hasidic Jews in the world.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So. Hello.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hello, hello, hello, Hello.

[Big J Okerson]

But Louis was not literally allowed to be friends with Jews.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My mother was very open. Asmitic.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I met my first Jew in high school, Barbara Ann Wittenberg. I've told the story before, and I only found out she was Jewish because her last name. No, I didn't. I didn't know.

[Big J Okerson]

I did some digging.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No. Because I had construction paper. I had black construction paper. And I started. I started cutting it into a spiral shape. And then I went doing. And then I went, look, I'm a Jew. And she was like, what? The fuck? I'm Jewish. I was like, okay. And then.

[Big J Okerson]

It wasn't even an insult. Did she punch you in the stomach after that? Because I fucked up.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Maybe I think that this is Tristan. I think he's playing it calmly. Maybe I am Tristan or Lewis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And I'm telling you.

[Mike Feeney]

Why are we believing him? He's like, it's Tristan or Lewis. I'm telling you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Because of the defensiveness, I'm going.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm particularly good at this game.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm voting Mike based off of literally the. Everything up here.

[Luis J. Gomez]

If this story is me, I'll be on panel naked for the rest of the episode. How about that? That's how.

[Big J Okerson]

That's how.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's how. Which it doesn't. That's. That's how much you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I kind of hope it's him, though.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I voted for Tristan.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's party.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's going to be goddamn Lewis, and I'm furious.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Two votes for Tristan, three votes for Mike Feeney. Alex, all of our answers are in.

[Alex (Producer)]

All right. Story number one belongs to Big J. Oh,

[Big J Okerson]

wow. Wow. That was good.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That was good.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Now, Billy, let give a little bit of context here. Big J has only won the show seven times in 90 episodes. Wow. He's here every week. He's telling. Coming out strong with. With a perfect first round is very huge for Big J and the audience. He's the underdog, so they really want him to win. They love when Big J wins. Now, on the. On the flip side, I've won 35 episodes, something like that.

[Big J Okerson]

At least.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm really good at this.

[Big J Okerson]

Maybe every other one that I lost.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Every time I get one point, the audience hates it. They hate it.

[Big J Okerson]

But you. They have turned.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But you got. You really convinced me once he said the whole thing about he's too old for allergy shots and really took.

[Big J Okerson]

Jews have been getting allergy shots before. You were aware, dude.

[Mike Feeney]

They were getting the prototypes.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, My friend John and our. I said our neighborhood was Jewish and black, and he was my best friend. He's a little older than me, and I. He was playing basketball with a bunch of kids in the schoolyard, and I went over to him, say hi, and just went up to him and gave him like a. I was like. Like, hey, man. And he just turned around and goes. He goes, oh, boom. It just drilled me. And then I had to. I had to cry, not cry my way out there. I go. I went. And he was like. I walked away. Like, it was such a sad, sad feeling. He sort of only apologized by the way. He was like, yeah, but he got me right in the allergy shots. Like, you slugged me like an enemy. I was saying, hey, your best friend's here.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Jay's playing Jay's. Jay's getting good at the game. He's using different writing styles now. I'm noticing that was not a big J written story.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, yeah, and also he said he was Jewish. But you're also Jewish, So the call was coming from inside the house.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Mike Feeney]

Yes. Damn, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, what are our scores? You little harlot.

[Alex (Producer)]

All right, in first place with four points, big Jay Okerson.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, Jay,

[Big J Okerson]

Good first round. I come out of the gate strong. It never means J first round.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, I'm going to. I came in too hot.

[Mike Feeney]

You know, I was about to say, since that's not you, it's going to be wild.

[Big J Okerson]

I'd like to thank you, Mike, because you really. You came out. I didn't understand why you were panicking so hard on my getting so mad.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Dude, if it's his story, his nose is going to start bleeding.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Dude, this game brings out the legitimate worst in me every time.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, story number two.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number two. I hit a skateboarder with my car going 30 miles an hour. Surprisingly, he survived. When I saw he was alive, I went from scared to very angry and yelled at him until paramedics came.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's a great story.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I yelled at him.

[Mike Feeney]

I think this is Billy.

[Big J Okerson]

I think this is Billy, too.

[Billy Gardell]

Yeah, because when people think of me, they think of skateboards.

[Mike Feeney]

No, I think of you hitting a guy on a skateboard.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If you don't know Billy, Billy has lost a lot of weight. Billy used to be very heavy. So I think just any exercise might

[Big J Okerson]

have made you angry.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So you fucked up.

[Billy Gardell]

You're exactly right. I was allergic, but I didn't have shots. I think this is you. No, Trist. I do. I think you got the hat. Matt, you look like you should be on a skateboard. I think it's you.

[Mike Feeney]

So I hit a guy with my car?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, because he was taking your place.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You call that a kick?

[Big J Okerson]

Flip

[Billy Gardell]

you.

[Mike Feeney]

How does my Kia Soul taste?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I'd say this. This could be Tristan, because Tristan's in a place again. I'm talking about a place where people drove, I guess. Lewis, how old were you when you drove?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

16. I got my license two days after my 16th birthday.

[Big J Okerson]

I also would have known this about

[Lewis J. Gomez]

you, too, if I hit somebody with my car.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I mean. I mean, you're the most like, up here. You're the only person I know who would hit somebody with their car.

[Billy Gardell]

I have hit somebody with a car, but it wasn't on a skateboard.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What happened with you?

[Billy Gardell]

I accidentally came around a corner. I wasn't used to living in Los Angeles. And they just cross and they're in the middle of the street and I just popped them up on the hood.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The casualness in which you just said, I popped them up on the hood.

[Billy Gardell]

It wasn't my fault. He wasn't in the crosswalk. He just, just blurted out and papow.

[Big J Okerson]

I did that with a. I think like a. Like an 8 or 9 year old Indian girl jumped out from behind. I mean, I had a green light. I was going across the light, but like, her family's on the side of the street. And she just like darted against the light, this guy. I came out from behind a truck. I didn't see her, and I hit the brakes, but she rolled up onto my hood and on the. And landed on the windshield with both hands like this, like. And then I hit the brakes hard and she. And she rolled off and then she got up, started crying, and I got out and I was like, oh, my God, we got to get an ambulance.

[Billy Gardell]

I think I hit her, dad. I think that's what happened.

[Big J Okerson]

I think I had her family dragged her away. Her family dragged her away. And I was like, no, no, no, wait, we gotta. We gotta get the ambulance here. We got the ambulance and they just dragged him off. And then it was right by Queensbridge Projects and like some ghetto lady pushing a cart full of some shit goes. She goes, they got they own doctors.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And she was right. They have some of our doctors too, to be honest with you. Like, my dentist was an Indian guy. Feeny's being very quiet.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I just said I was gonna take it down a notch after I came in too hot. But I've said this from the very beginning. The getting very angry and yelling at people feels the mo. I don't know enough about you or you, but I know about you and I know you're.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Have you ever seen me yell at anybody?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I've only seen you yell at people.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Feeney was there during one of my largest meltdowns in an Uber ever.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, and I probably still have the voice memo somewhere. We had the actual. Oh, yeah, I played it for you. We laugh.

[Billy Gardell]

That's called evidence.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Lewis. Lewis yelled at an Uber drivers so loud and for so long because we were running from an airport right to the creek where I think. I don't know if Legion's case or something was happening that Lewis lost his voice screaming and then continued screaming with no voice like this.

[Big J Okerson]

And it was podcast.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Podcast. I mean, to be fair, you laugh. You weren't wrong. The guy was purposely driving the slowest he could. But your reaction, I think, was getting him off. Yeah, so? So every time I think of a skate on, of someone getting yelled at, I think of you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Here's the thing. If you remember when Feeney was on the show last time, there was a story about some sort of amusement park.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That was the six flag story.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Six Flags right Now everyone blamed me because it was a guy yelling and freaking out at somebody at Six Flags.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, he didn't yell it. We ran away.

[Alex (Producer)]

We.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We've knocked the lemonade onto the thing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm voting for Feeny. Shut up. It's you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Vote for me all you want, pal, but that's where I feel like it detracts now. I'm still sold. I'm not. It's 1, 2 or 3. I don't think it's Jay.

[Billy Gardell]

I told you, I hit a guy, but it wasn't a skateboarder.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's too casual the way you're saying that, though.

[Billy Gardell]

I'm old.

[Mike Feeney]

This guy's an actor, by the way,

[Big J Okerson]

because everything I was thinking about the story you told about hitting the person not on a skateboard is what my guess why I thought it was you was gonna be. You were in la, learn the lay. You're not from California, so you're learning the lay of the land. And you fucking clipped.

[Billy Gardell]

This guy popped out at me. But he wasn't on a skateboard.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Billy. Billy was just auditioning for the first episode of Better Call Saul and he's remembering this wrong.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Did you ever skateboard, Tristan? I know it's not you. I know it's you hit a skateboard, but did you ever skateboard?

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, I skateboard a bunch.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Cuz I think the. The Billy leaving a skate park, kind of an anger thing that he was implying in the beginning could also be true with Tristan.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, I didn't hit a guy. Oh, well, in that case, guys, I

[Big J Okerson]

mean, I believe them because I want to believe him.

[Mike Feeney]

I mean it, I swears.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Long Island. Everyone drives when they're 16 years old. There's a lot of skateboarders out there.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'd be a Max, though. I wasn't. I wasn't a skateboard. I didn't hang around skating.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You don't have to hang around to hit one.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I guess that's true. That's True. It's fair.

[Big J Okerson]

I've never skateboard in my life, but I've seen people skateboard. Morning.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, that's fair.

[Mike Feeney]

I don't look. I only bmx.

[Big J Okerson]

Here's the thing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna say Mike, Big J voting for Mike Feeney.

[Big J Okerson]

Because Mike flip out panics. We've seen it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yep.

[Big J Okerson]

And that's what's gonna happen. He's gonna go from like, he's scared, and then just like, screaming like, wake up, you piece of.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wake up.

[Big J Okerson]

Like, he just. He's. He's too hyper. Oh, it could be Tristan. Ah, you.

[Mike Feeney]

It's not me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Three votes, Mike Feeney. Alex are in.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number two belongs to Mike Feeney.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This all up.

[Big J Okerson]

I.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This all up.

[Billy Gardell]

I'm over two. Oh, for two.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm over. Ooh, bean diggity.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What happened here, by the way? That was like a few years ago. That wasn't as a kid at all. I was. It was just very, very recently.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Very recently.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Where were you?

[Mike Feeney]

You.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Astoria.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Historia.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I was going through.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Can you tell us the Astoria? Astoria.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Get those three out of here.

[Big J Okerson]

I.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was.

[Big J Okerson]

There was.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I had the green light. I was going through the green light actually kind of near Queensbridge. And I was going through a green light and a guy. I'm in the middle of the intersection. I just see this blur, like, speeding towards me. And I looked over, over, slammed on the brakes and cut the wheel. And he just. This is how hard he hit into my car is that I couldn't open the door of my car. That's how.

[Big J Okerson]

From a person.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Like, it was from a person. Yeah, but it was. But it was a. He was like, I don't know, he's probably like 20 or something. And he hit it so hard. And then I swerved the car. I hopped a curb. I almost hit people on the curb trying to, like, avoid dying from this. And then I thought the guy was dead because that was like, the scariest sound I ever heard. And then when I tried to open the door, I saw him bounce up immediately, and he started yelling at me. And then I went fucking blood red angry, and I fucking flipped out. And I crawled out of the other door and started fucking screaming at him to sit the fuck down on the ground until paramedics came. And thankfully, it was one of those situations where this is one of those. I got very lucky because everyone started crowding around in the neighborhood, and people were like, what happened? What happened? And they were like, that guy hit a kid. And then everybody took their phones out and Started filming while I'm yelling at him. Him. And thank God, literally in the other traffic light, waiting for the light to turn was a police officer who saw the entire thing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, my God. The only time you want a police officer in that position.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Dude, it was perfect because he saw the whole thing. Because otherwise the. Otherwise that I would have been totally. But yeah, yeah, that guy. And then he was like, let's exchange insurance information.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Insurance? You don't have insurance for a skateboard, you dickhead. Well, he.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, well, he got all my.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, here's my. Let me see if I have it. Hey, you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, he got all my information. And he was like. He's like. Cuz you know what? Because he was about to. I think he did end up breaking his ankle or something. But he was. He was going to the. He was going in the ambulance. He was going to the hospital. And then he reached out to me afterwards. He's like, you know, I just want to set up our insurance company so that they could, you know, you guys could pay for the damages to me. And I was like, oh, sure. Well, let's. Let's do that. And then his insurance paid for my car bar.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Nice.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Because it was 100. His fault. I didn't pay for anything.

[Mike Feeney]

Come on, man. I have blue cl.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Blue Cross Blue Shred. You me. Lewis, you. Sorry.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I really did, but I was you. Feeney. Alex, where are our points at?

[Alex (Producer)]

All right, in last place with zero points, Billy Gardell.

[Big J Okerson]

Early, very early.

[Alex (Producer)]

In fourth place with one point, Mike Feeney.

[Big J Okerson]

That point was from Billy Gardell. My man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You get more points for guessing the person than you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, two points and then every person you fool, you get one. Feeny. Third time you played the game.

[Alex (Producer)]

Tied for second place with two points each. Luis J. Gomez and Tristan bowling.

[Big J Okerson]

And sitting on top of Mount awesome.

[Alex (Producer)]

And in the lead with six points, Big J Okerson.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Two rounds down, Big J batting a perfect game, right now remember, perfect game is you got to get all of them right and you got to fool everybody when it's your story.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Has anyone ever done that?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Nope. We've never had a perfect game. We've never had somebody get zero points. So. So, Billy and Jay, you're in this game.

[Billy Gardell]

Just wait.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're in it to win it, boys.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, story warriors, real quick, let's thank one of our amazing sponsors for the show, and that is Mando. Mando is clinical strength whole body deodorant. I wouldn't brag about that, but I would say use it. It controls sweat and odor anywhere on your body for 72 hours. We've been working with Mando for years. It's not just armpits. It's for all your sweaty possible parts, your folds, flaps, traps, traps, crevasses. And they don't just mask the odor. Mando actually prevents it. 100 of study participants experienced all day odor control. I love you could use this on your feet. You could use it again between your ball bag. Your A lot of people mask their body odor with scents. Mando men get the job done right. Do not mask it man. Do it. They use premium ingredients to keep you fresh and dry all day long with no baking soda or parabens. They're available in retailers near you or you. You can head right now to shopmando.com and for a limited time the new customers are going to get 20% off site wide with our exclusive code wars with a Z W A R Z. Shopmando.com that's Code wars with a Z for 20% off plus free shipping at S-H-O-P M A N D O.com that's shopmando.com support the show. Tell them story war sent you. Mando's got you covered with deodorant plus sweat control. Say goodbye to sweat stains and hello to long lasting freshness.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, story warriors, let's take a quick moment and thank Green Chef for supporting the show. Green Chef delivers real farm source ingredients with over 40 customizable weekly recipes in every Green Chef box. It comes with organic certified produce and responsibly sourced proteins and seafoods. This is a great way to get healthy, delicious food that's actually good for you. I'm not a big, you know, chef or you know, under understanding how to like cook things for myself. So they make it super easy. They do the research for you, the meal planning for you and all the grocery shopping for you. And you have a easy to enjoy, low prep, low mess meal for truly any lifestyle. This is absolutely great. Especially my son only saves with me a couple days a week. So when I want to cook for myself, this is a much easier, much better way to do it. Right now just go to greenchef.com 50wars50w a r z and use the code 50wars to get 50% off your first month. 50% off is a huge, huge discount and then you're also going to get 20% off for two months with with free shipping. That is code [e-mail] 50warz all right, where were we Alex. Story number three.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number three. I found it surprising that really bad movies helped me when a close family member of mine was passing away.

[Mike Feeney]

That's sad.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. That also feels like the most Billy

[Billy Gardell]

thing because it's like we literally just met. Because how the could you know that?

[Luis J. Gomez]

It just feels.

[Big J Okerson]

This is classic Garden.

[Billy Gardell]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Shook this guy's hand 20 years.

[Billy Gardell]

Nice to meet you. I think this is you.

[Big J Okerson]

All Louis's family members passed away before he was old enough to watch movies.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's not true. Just my father, Jay and I watched him. I remember watching a movie with him.

[Big J Okerson]

So.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, y.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Although Lewis did have a lot of death in his life, so he. He did have a lot of people

[Big J Okerson]

passing, but he didn't have a TV till a couple years ago.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, come on.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Keep on making your jokes, Jay. You're going to feel like an. When. This is my story.

[Big J Okerson]

This is going to.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What? No, not my story. I mean, I get the sentiment. Just probably bad. Bad comedy movies.

[Big J Okerson]

Bad.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What? I'm trying to understand the context of really bad movies. Helping you. Just entertaining you when.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

When you're.

[Big J Okerson]

What, a close family.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't.

[Mike Feeney]

I wonder.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tristan, this is your story. What does it feel like? How does it feel when it's.

[Mike Feeney]

Nice try.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Damn. I thought I. Oh.

[Big J Okerson]

Have you ever had a close family member die?

[Mike Feeney]

N. They're all alive, jk. But no, I don't know. I don't. I wouldn't watch a movie when that feels weird to be like, oh, man, Grandma's going down the drain. Wild Hogs, let's rip it. I love John Travolta in a motorcycle movie.

[Big J Okerson]

My manager was unceremoniously murdered in his own home. And the next day, I went to see Bryan Adams and Billy Idol.

[Mike Feeney]

What if he was ceremoniously murdered?

[Big J Okerson]

If there was some kind of a design around him or some kind of candlestick set up. Yeah. But now it was just a violent, bloody murder.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, man.

[Big J Okerson]

Just your old meat and potatoes kind of murder.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, here's the thing. I will say, me and Big J, we've been friends for a very, very long time. And I remember Big J. It was a weird thing that I noticed me and Big J. The first time I ever tripped on mushrooms with Big J, he just was, like, kind of giggling a little bit. Me and Dave Smith were, like, speaking to God and, like. Like freaking out. And Big J was, like, said at

[Big J Okerson]

one point, I looked over. There you go. You all right, Dave? And he goes, all lights connected. All right. I said, well, I'm Gonna go get some iced tea. Do.

[Mike Feeney]

And ever since that day, Dave Smith was a libertarian.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And Big J, Big J, while we were doing mushrooms, which is kind of like, you know, for a lot of people, a big moment. You really do give, like spiritual. You get in your head. It's very kind of a crazy thing. Big J's like, let's watch TV and just turn on Howard Stern. We watch tv. So I'm getting a vibe that Big J, anytime he's out of his normal sort of mental state to comfort himself, he throws on some bad television.

[Billy Gardell]

I think I, I think I agree. I think I agree.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think I agree. They all, they already wrote it down.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's not even a question, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

That was crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's not.

[Big J Okerson]

What a dissertation. And in conclusion, dude, thusly, you had

[Luis J. Gomez]

everything but a laser pointer.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'll tell you now, if this is. See, I'm going to vote for I. I want Big J to have a perfect game. I'm going to vote for Big J right now. I do think it's Big J. It's not me.

[Big J Okerson]

Still.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Might also be Billy, though.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's not me. It could easily be Billy. We don't know much about Billy.

[Billy Gardell]

I, I, I am voting for you, Louis, because I have watched a bunch of these before I came on here, and you have spoken about some of the losses you had. So that distracts for me, and I don't know enough about everybody to make an assumption.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I didn't even vote for you. I changed my mind.

[Mike Feeney]

Billy, has anyone ever died in your life, ever? Well.

[Billy Gardell]

And the night's not over.

[Mike Feeney]

Well, we're just acquaintances, Bill. No. Do you, you, you have. You've watched a movie. Maybe it's you. I don't know. I feel a lot of pressure. Everyone has Lewis on the board now. I feel like I'm missing out if it is him.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm getting vibes from Billy, and I'm getting vibes from Big J. I'm hedging the bets.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm going, Billy Bob Thorton

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Jay. Who's this shoe?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah,

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think the smile came before the joke. Oh, Big J. Crokerson.

[Big J Okerson]

I just love that if it's not you, you didn't get points either. Alex. You lot lizard. Go on.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, can you stop touching yourself over there?

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, you mind coming off your only fans and throwing up the answer?

[Alex (Producer)]

You guys have a mother. That's horrible.

[Mike Feeney]

That's what makes it worse. Why you do these things when you have a beautiful daughter at home?

[Big J Okerson]

That's what gets you all those Subscriptions.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number three belongs to Billy Gardelle, my perfect date.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I always doubt myself.

[Billy Gardell]

You were on the right track.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Hell, yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

Good job over there. Yeah, I did that when my. When my dad was dying of cancer. Not to make everybody laugh.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, the funniest way to die.

[Billy Gardell]

I was.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Billy Gardell]

But I was lucky enough to. And him and I shared the gallows humor. And I was lucky enough to be in a position where I could sit bedside with him for the last few weeks of his life. And that takes a toll. And you need something to break. Literally, what you said, Wild Hogs. You needed to break your head. You gotta break your head out of that daily so you can go over there and not make it about you. Make it about them. So every night, my buddy from high school would pick me up in Florida and we would find the worst goddamn movie that you. I mean, like, if it was a shark with a water mask and a laser. Asshole. Yeah, I'm in. Give me the popcorn. And so we would go watch that to break out of that spell. What was funny, though, is as it got closer to the end, it didn't work anymore. Like, there was a. I just started breaking down in the theater thinking about my dad. And what was really funny, we were in this really bad one. It was some horrible war movie thing. It was just awful. I don't know how it stuck to the tape, but we're watching it, and I just started crying. And these two young kids were walking up the aisle because they were leaving the movie.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was Feeny and Tristan.

[Billy Gardell]

It was these guys. No, but. And the guy said that he saw me crying. He goes, are you okay, mister? You know, comics can't miss. I'm like, I just love this goddamn film. Well, that's the truth of how we used to break it up.

[Big J Okerson]

Story. That guy's in there crying to Werewolf Women of the ss. I'm on the board.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Billy's on the board. Perfect game. Alex, where are points at?

[Alex (Producer)]

All right? In last place with one point, Mike Feeney. In fourth place with two points, Luis J. Gomez. In third place with three points, Billy Gardell.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm on the board. I'm on the board.

[Billy Gardell]

All right.

[Alex (Producer)]

In second place with four points, Tristan Bolling. And in the lead with six points, Big J. Okerson.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If you believe and he believes, and we all believe, we can make something out of it.

[Big J Okerson]

Keep change. I can almost smell this book. Each chapter shifts to a different person who lives in Olive's small main town. These characters face similar struggles, like unhappy marriages, depression, illness, and the feeling of being stuck in their own lives together. The stories create a quiet but powerful portrait of a community that's shaped by private struggles and unspoken emotions. Olive Kitteridge. It could happen.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm gonna take that book.

[Big J Okerson]

You want that book so bad?

[Mike Feeney]

I want it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, Story number for

[Alex (Producer)]

story number four. While driving home from a show, a girl decided to give me Roadhead. She ended up puking her dinner into my boxers.

[Big J Okerson]

It's Lewis or Tristan.

[Mike Feeney]

You think I have a dick for roadhead?

[Big J Okerson]

You're out of your mind. None of us do. I know. Lewis doesn't either, but I'll try.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Listen, so here's the thing. I have this exact sort. This happened. Happened to me one month ago, a month and a half ago, after story, outside here, outside of this comedy club. This girl. All right, I'll give the quick version. This girl, she tried to kill herself, like, six months ago.

[Big J Okerson]

That's old. That's old, though.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

So she slid, gave a reason to live.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But she's a. She's a woman, so she didn't do it right. So this idiot lived.

[Big J Okerson]

And she comes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is true. She comes here and I send her over a couple drinks. And she wasn't supposed to be drinking because she was on medication for trying to kill herself. So she got blackout drunk. And then she's like. She's like, oh, come on. After she's let me go home with you. I was like, no, you can't come home with me. She's like, all right. Let me suck your dick in your car. I was like, you could do that. And. And she sucked my dick right around the corner of my car and puked fucking everywhere. Everywhere. In the car. It was in a loaner car from the dealership. I had to drive the next morning to Portland, Maine. And I literally. I couldn't. I had no time to get the car detailed. I had to go buy all of the supplies by myself. She was like, wait, I'll clean it up. I came back out, she fucking left. She was gone. She disappeared into the night. So now I've been texting her different ways to kill herself for a month and a half. Every day, different ways. I hope she sees this. That's not me. The thing is, Jay knows the story. Jay knows that. I'm not putting this story in.

[Billy Gardell]

It's not me either. I've been married 25 years. That ain't an anniversary or a birthday.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm out.

[Alex (Producer)]

I'm out.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Roadhead is who is money.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Who would wear boxers? That's the Other thing, boxers is striking.

[Big J Okerson]

That struck me, too.

[Billy Gardell]

That's the clue.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that struck me. I've been a boxer briefs guy since briefs. It was briefs. And then I did boxers because black people said so. And then I was like, oh, my wiener's not long enough to dangle past the opening. And it's always gonna get out there and get zipper burned on the pee hole. So I had to go to boxer briefs immediately. This is not me. This is for a thin, lanky, long dick person. Tristan. Fat dick Tristan.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Tristan, how long have you been with your girl?

[Mike Feeney]

Four years.

[Big J Okerson]

Four years.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And how old are you?

[Big J Okerson]

Like, he's been doing comedy since he was 9.

[Mike Feeney]

27.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're 27. All right, so roadhouse. Driving home from a show and how long.

[Mike Feeney]

First off, I'm not getting Ro. I've never owned a car that's mine. It's either my mom or my grandma's car.

[Big J Okerson]

It doesn't matter.

[Mike Feeney]

There's no.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's hard.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And this doesn't say anything about you.

[Mike Feeney]

I.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Owning the car.

[Mike Feeney]

Well, I'm just saying I can't get road. I've never gotten road head in a car.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, it's the only way to get a bus.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah,

[Mike Feeney]

a bus. On the other hand.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So here's the thing. Feeny's been married for a long time, too. He's not telling a story about his wife puking the mother of his child be psychotic. I mean, I'm getting Big J vibes.

[Big J Okerson]

It's.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm thinking it's.

[Big J Okerson]

Man never wore boxers.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Dude, you told me you wore boxers because black people told you to wear them. You said.

[Big J Okerson]

Said that this could have been. I was 14. I wasn't. My dick sucked at 14.

[Mike Feeney]

We don't know that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Could have been at 16, though.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you're right. Guys, sorry. I was getting. Sorry.

[Billy Gardell]

I think this is.

[Big J Okerson]

You're lucky I had time to show up. I'm always getting my dick sucked. Me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, buddy.

[Billy Gardell]

Because I could just see that happening. And then you going on for 40 minutes about what happened.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I can't believe it. And I stopped by the side of

[Mike Feeney]

the road, but luckily a cop saw the whole thing.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it was all right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is why Mike hit that skateboarder. He wasn't paying attention. He was getting his dick suck. Covered in puke. I mean, Mike. Mike does not give me roadhead vibes. Tristan doesn't give me roadhead vibes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tristan kind of gives me roadhead vibes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, Tristan gives me. He'll give me head while I'm Driving

[Luis J. Gomez]

by, that's a different thing.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm more of a passenger seat princess.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jay, why do you think not Lewis? Let me ask you that.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I already drew fat Dick Tristan,

[Luis J. Gomez]

but why not? Not if Lewis has a. Has a history of getting roadhead.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I love roadhead.

[Big J Okerson]

It's too late now. Here's the thing.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's not too late. It's not too late.

[Big J Okerson]

True. Lewis was broke for. I know, but then I got to draw.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You can just draw a speech bubble and act like Tristan saying Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, right. Yeah, Good idea. Tristan then. I mean, he literally may have wore boxers. To me, the boxers.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I work exclusively sheaths.

[Big J Okerson]

I understand that's now. But Lewis, at a time where whatever boxers were, like, dropped from a crowd crate from, like, from the sky or like, model's rack.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I used to dress like boxers.

[Big J Okerson]

Whatever it was, I used to dress

[Lewis J. Gomez]

like teenagers in Suriname. Like, it would be like it just.

[Big J Okerson]

In fact, Lewis, definitely. Lewis might be trying to throw off with this because he did just have the story.

[Mike Feeney]

I was about to say. I've seen this. I've watched a lot of these episodes. Lewis does this where he explains the.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's. It's.

[Mike Feeney]

It really isn't insulting.

[Billy Gardell]

Mike is very quiet on this one.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm telling you, Lewis had it right. I've been. I've been with my wife, and I've been married well over 10. We've been together since. Exactly. So that's why it crosses.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's why I told Big J about getting puked on recently. He would have been like, oh, I have a similar story. I think he would have said that to me. It's the only reason why I'm not going to Big J.

[Mike Feeney]

That's why I think it's you, Louis, is because it's not the first time it's happened. You explain the story, and then you're going to be like, it was me. Isn't that silly?

[Luis J. Gomez]

This is my show. Damn. He's got to make it a good point. You're kind of selling you've done this before.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This would be a great move, this J.

[Mike Feeney]

It is a great move, cuz you're doing it and you like yourself.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's a great move. But this could be Tristan pulling a great move on me to do a reverse uno baby.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Why do we think it's Tristan? I'm on the fence. Sell me on Tristan.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Tristan's young. He's from Arizona. He's only been with his girl for four years. Rod, look.

[Luis J. Gomez]

How long have you been doing comedy, Tristan?

[Mike Feeney]

Since I Was probably, like early 20s.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So for more. For a long. For a long time. Yeah. A long time.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So you could have been on in Arizona a lot of road gigs early on.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but I.

[Mike Feeney]

They're fucking bullshit. I'm not bringing a chick out to the Miami Arizona to watch me do awful shit.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We got to get the voting going. I don't. I just know. I have no fucking clue whose story this is because I can't see it being any of you. I almost want to vote for myself, but it's not me.

[Big J Okerson]

Little Peen Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Little Peen. Hold on. I can't wait till I vote for you with your little tiny dick. You won't even be able to see it.

[Big J Okerson]

What? I'm going to draw next time. I'm just going to draw a.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You did. And you erased it.

[Mike Feeney]

Dare you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Dude, man, you deserve your pukey dick.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude,

[Luis J. Gomez]

this feels like a. It feels like it's going to be Tristan. I'm telling you, it might be. You think so, too? What do you think? I'm going with whatever you think. You think it's Tristan, I'll change it right the now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He's like, I think Ice was. He's like, I think Ice was justified.

[Mike Feeney]

You're gonna trust this man?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Ah, see the defensiveness?

[Big J Okerson]

Here we go.

[Luis J. Gomez]

If you're wrong, I'm throwing this beer in your face. Okay.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wow. All of our answers are in four stories down. Alex, whose story was story number number four?

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number four belongs to Tristan Bolton.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What'd I tell you? Reverse uno.

[Big J Okerson]

I drew his big dick.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They're also dressed.

[Big J Okerson]

I drew his big fat dick.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You.

[Mike Feeney]

You costed me a point.

[Big J Okerson]

I had his whole dick drawn. I drew his whole dick.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We're back. Thank you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Also, I realized that Feeny and this guy are wearing the same outfit. They hugged like they were a tag team champions in the 80s.

[Mike Feeney]

When you two hugged, it looked like a picnic.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It felt like one, to be honest.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, that feels so good to be right on that one.

[Mike Feeney]

You guys are pussies.

[Big J Okerson]

I drew his whole penis.

[Mike Feeney]

Dude. I never thought. I'm like, damn. He drew my whole dick. And I saw him erase it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm like, yes. He was doing an uno reverse.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He was doing uno reverse. Tristan, tell us the story. How long ago was this? Obviously not your lovely girlfriend who's here right now.

[Mike Feeney]

No, no, it is not her. No, I would. It was probably. I tried. I've been doing comedy for, like, 10 years. I tried to bury the lead.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I knew. By the way. I knew. That's One of the things that clued me that it was you because you said early 20s. I was like, that's not true. You've been doing comedy for longer than that.

[Mike Feeney]

You son of a bitch. You're like 15, 16. No, but no, I was driving home from a show and I got my lady revved up and she was like, let me suck your dick. Which like dude, it's never a good piece. Like I'm like projecting my pelvis.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, that's why I thought Lewis, because I was was like, you got to find the person who's going to sit with like a Hispanic level of recline.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, no, but draws a low rider.

[Mike Feeney]

I need to like put a water bottle between my ass cheeks to like

[Lewis J. Gomez]

pump my butt up.

[Big J Okerson]

But and you're not just undoing the zipper and getting it out of the zipper hole. You got to unbutton and get it a little below your butt cheeks.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh yeah, no, no. So I had, and then you have

[Big J Okerson]

to use your own underwear strap to hold your balls back. Have you ever done this before or not? No.

[Mike Feeney]

So what I did, I, I pulled them down probably about like three, four, mid thigh. And then so she was just doing whatever her thing is. And then I just feel, I'm like, wow, that's a lot of spit.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Like oh, that kind of feels like acid.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, I was looking. Yeah, no it was, yeah, so I, I, I was like, that's, that's more wet than I thought it would be. And then I heard her saying, oh no, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. Oh no.

[Big J Okerson]

And you're like, why did you make me come SpaghettiOs. Oh, that's ew. Oh no. Oh, your dick does weird stuff like come SpaghettiOs again.

[Mike Feeney]

Anyways, drop me off. Nah, but I, I, I feel like I'm a pretty good driver based on off that cuz I didn't kill any of us. And I relatively cleaned up like between my butt cheeks. Her dinner. And I'm just like, oh well, you know what?

[Big J Okerson]

I'll take you home.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm a good boyfriend and just giving myself a shower in a QT bathroom.

[Big J Okerson]

Where's your lady though? She could back me up. That's cuz that dick is big enough to get past that opening in the boxers. Right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, wipe your mouth, you pig. God, you are so insatiable for. It's crazy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wait, you, did you pull up your pants or did you just keep it at that point?

[Mike Feeney]

I, I, luckily I have a con. When I was driving, I had a constant supply of like 10,000 chipotle napkins in my center console. So I just like.

[Big J Okerson]

That's someone whose parents are still together.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. Just stuffed them all up everywhere. Yeah, I know.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's romantic. Alex, four stories down, where are our points at?

[Alex (Producer)]

All right. Tied for fourth place with three points each, Mike Feeney and Billy Gardell.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Feeny and Billy look like they could be a father son duo on Lego Masters. It's a very specific reference, but if you've seen Lego Masters, you get this.

[Big J Okerson]

They're coming out with smart bricks. Lego tonight at midnight. Ooh.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex.

[Alex (Producer)]

In third place with four points, Luis J. Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't need your support.

[Alex (Producer)]

And tied for the lead with six points each. Big J Okerson and Tristan.

[Big J Okerson]

He's coming on. He's coming on strong. I haven't gotten points since the fucking. My perfect game.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yep, we are four stories down. This means we are halfway through the show. Truly anybody is game. Very close game. We're right now. Let's take a quick moment, do some plugs. Billy, what are you plugging, my friend?

[Billy Gardell]

I start a tour at the end of January. Be out on the road and get tickets at the website. And. And I'm also in a little movie called the Vortex, which is on Amazon. To be. Whatever the fuck that is. And Apple.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hell yeah. Billy Gardell. Legendary Billy Gardell.

[Big J Okerson]

To be is. To be is, dare I say, black Netflix.

[Mike Feeney]

It is.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

Okay, well, we're on that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

To be or not to be. Feeney.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I have a brand new season of my podcast, Co Host Wanted. It's out right now. Check it out on my YouTube. YouTube.com Mike Feeney Comedy. Come see me on the road. Punchup Live. Mike Feeney.

[Billy Gardell]

You gotta teach me how to do that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That was very good, Tristan. Bowling.

[Mike Feeney]

You can see me in my podcast, Cockfight in the Modern Apes. And you can also see March 17th in Phoenix, Arizona home state with Colin Terrell. Little St. Patrick show. March 17th. Gonna have fun. Gonna get drunk. Gonna bring my mommy.

[Big J Okerson]

Big J, come check me out bigjcomedy.com for tickets for the greatest tour on earth. E R R F. Ooh, new name.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think I saw that on Tubi.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that's right. My tour is sponsored by Tyler Perry, everybody. It's made Big J Okerson. Check me. I'm coming to a city near you. I'm going straight through till summertime. So I'm going everywhere around the country, of course. Listen to the bonfire five days a week. Faction Talk Series XM103 with me and the great Robert Kelly. And of course the flagship show over here at the Legion or at Gas Digital, the Legion of Yanks. Yeah. Oh, and go to my YouTube, a big J Okerston YouTube bigjokerson for I'm doing live streams and stuff now, so hell yeah, enjoy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Come see me live on the road. Lewisofscanks.com is the website going everywhere, all over the. All over the. The country. This and. And you know what, in Canada too. A lot of Canada dates. Check. Check me out live. Check out all the other podcasts that I do. Obviously Legion of Thanks, the Regs, and the Return of the Real Ass podcast. Also subscribe to my mailing list. On my website. I do a bonus solo podcast just for subscribers. So you can go get that right now by LewisOfSkangs.com make sure if you love this show, go subscribe to Gas Digital. It's the number one way you can support the show. We do the. The show uncensored and ad free. So if you hate ads on YouTube, every seven minutes there's a new ad happening. If you hate censorship on YouTube, well, guess what? You can get a pre release of every episode on Monday nights before anybody else sees it. Plus have access to the On Demand library, which features like 50 episodes that aren't available anywhere else in the world. Go to gas digital.com and use the promo code Wars W A R Z and you guys will save a couple bucks a month. And it supports the shop show directly. Also, speaking of stories, I wrote a memoir of my childhood. It's coming out on March 3rd, so go pre order it right now on Amazon. And yeah, that's not my hand on my dick. All right, we're halfway through the show, anybody's game right now. Very, very close.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, it is very close and way closer than you think because, Billy, I know this is your first time playing. Tristan and Mike have obviously been here, but we. We stir things up a little bit to give everybody a chance to win the game, no matter how it's going in the first half.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right.

[Big J Okerson]

Because for the final four stories, we move to double points.

[Billy Gardell]

I love it. Okay,

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Billy, you look confused.

[Billy Gardell]

No, I'm just following along.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, so you are confused. I'll explain it again. It's very simple. Before. Well, before, if you. If you got. If you tricked somebody, you got a point. If you got the right question, you got two points. But that now jumps ahead to double points.

[Billy Gardell]

Got it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Just in case you were confused, I

[Big J Okerson]

think we got it now. Alex, you come dumpster Story number five.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number five. I surprisingly turned $65 into $6,500. The week rent was due after gambling most of my paycheck away.

[Big J Okerson]

This is big. I don't know. Me neither Lewis or I, I believe, have a gambling issue at all.

[Mike Feeney]

I.

[Big J Okerson]

This would have been the greatest thing of my life if I did this.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I would have a major gambling problem today. I'd be chasing the dragons.

[Big J Okerson]

I have other stories of this. I'd have other stories where I'd be like, oh, well, this was the beginning of a major problem.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

And you would know. I don't. In the game. I've never been.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

My first time, I went to Vegas, played blackjack. The first night, I won 300. I was like, that's it. I'm moving to Vegas. I'm gonna be a professional blackjack player. Lost everything the second night. I'm talking about, like, everything. I didn't have a dollar on me after the second night in Vegas, and I had five more nights to go.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, Same. Same thing. I used to do the show in Atlantic City at a place called Sweet Cheeks to Kevin Har, hosts. And when it was over, he loved gambling, so he'd go, let's go over to the Caesars after. And gam and I went the first night with him, And I made $300 from the show, and I turned it into, like, $500 on blackjack because they had $5 table. I was playing on a couple, like, a month later. He was like, let's go do it again. I was like, buddy, all night. I'm gonna go there and change my life tonight. And then he goes, there's only $25, t. I'm sorry. I turned $100 into, like, 300 something. The second that he goes, I go. He goes, let's do it again. And I went, all right, I'll take $100 again and turn into something. And there was only $25. Tables open, five fucking hands gone. And I was like, that was everything I had in life. And then I went home sad. And then Kevin went on to find success.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Now, I will say to Louis's credit, I don't think it's Louis, because I spent a lot of time with you in casinos, and you're more of a let's drink and, you know, throw a couple bucks down and do some drugs kind of a thing rather than gamble. And I feel like $6,500. I mean, it would also be life changing to me if that happened as well. I like to play poker, but I. I've Never won that even close to that much in my life. I don't know enough about these two.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But it feels like he's doing it again right now. He's doing a lot of talking.

[Big J Okerson]

God fucking damn it, Feeny. I already wrote Billy, but now I know it's you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm trying to be middle of the road. I was too hot, that I was too cold.

[Mike Feeney]

Do you think this is measured?

[Luis J. Gomez]

This feels to be measured. You don't find this to be measured?

[Mike Feeney]

I don't like your Goldilocks recipe.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yes. I'm just. Here's what I. Here's the hard part about this game. Everyone always said it's not about me trying to trick other people when I tell my story is trying to convince you guys that it's not me so that you don't waste and give points to other people in the game. That's what I'm trying to.

[Big J Okerson]

To do.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Which I realize now is going to make you vote for me even more.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm thinking it could be Mike Feeney.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can we at least explore. Yeah. Billy or Tristan?

[Billy Gardell]

I, I think it's Big J. I think those. That that story is a red herring to a bigger story is what I think.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

See, I'm just. I, I know Big J very well and this is that. So here. A lot of people think the show is unfair because we play a lot. Right. But the, the. What's the equalizer here is the fact that I know Big J's story stories. And I will tell you right now. If big J won 6, 500 gambling at one point in his life, there's 65 off. 65 bucks. There's no way that he wouldn't have told me this story. This would have come up somewhere in

[Big J Okerson]

the explain something to you. When someone says, oh, you gotta do a parlay, I just nod, but I don't know what it means really. I go, yeah, it's like more than one, right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Or something.

[Big J Okerson]

Now two things instead of one thing.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Billy was a. Billy was a road dog before. Before Mike and Molly. So he was on the road a lot.

[Billy Gardell]

I was.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So you probably were in a lot of casinos.

[Big J Okerson]

Problem gambler. That's what I was thinking.

[Billy Gardell]

They didn't have those kind of gigs as much as they do these days. There wasn't a casino in every state back then. You have to remember that too.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But Tristan also seems like the kind of guy where Tristan rent was due was an issue.

[Billy Gardell]

He's convicted.

[Big J Okerson]

There are casinos. Arizona.

[Billy Gardell]

He's already made your choice.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh no. I'm I haven't put it me.

[Billy Gardell]

Huh?

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Mike Feeney]

We got a bunch of casinos in Arizona, but still, I just don't. I never was a gambling guy. I mean, I literally have like $3,000 for the first time in my life ever right now. And that's. I would not gamble that away for one second.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I, I, I feel that I

[Luis J. Gomez]

kind of believe you.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I believe it too. Everyone always said every, like, super bowl when I was like a young, like, 20s and early 30s comic, and I'm like, yeah, you want to throw some money down the Super Bowl? I go, you want me to give up a possible meal because Peyton Manning didn't show up today? I'm all right.

[Mike Feeney]

For me, it's like, I could spend this on beer. But I see we both have our own priorities.

[Big J Okerson]

We do. Well, I like to keep my bets towards me and Louis putting things in each other's asses. It's worked out so far. I'm, I've only had to get one up my ass for two up Lewis's, so I.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Look, I know everyone on this panel fairly well. I don't know Billy that well. I just feel like if this ever happened to Tristan, we would have never heard from, from Just it again.

[Big J Okerson]

You would have quit comedy. This is more, this is more money than you've made cumulative in comedy for 10 years.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, if you give me that, I would still be in the red by, like $10,000.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, Billy, your chick would be in

[Big J Okerson]

a goddamn mink over there.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, everyone votes for Billy. Wow. Alex. All of our answers are in story number. Alex, take the dildo out of your mouth. She's sucking a dildo.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone fart at your buck, plug out and tell us the answers.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number five belongs to Billy Gardell.

[Billy Gardell]

I'm not very good at this. Not very good. I was working in a place called Tunica, Mississippi, not the name drop.

[Big J Okerson]

And they had Tunica.

[Billy Gardell]

These guys, these rednecks had, had dug out a corn shoot and turned it into a comedy club. And it was connected to Bally's Casino. And I kept taking little advances. I was only making 800 bucks for like a seven day run. Just 50 a night. 50 night. Losing everything. Losing everything. So I get down to where it's payday and I only got 65 bucks left. So I cashed it in. And like a true degenerate, you got to go one more time. And I went to the roulette table and pressed it twice on 100. First time it hit, it's 33 to 1. Then it hit again at 100. Then I hit another number after that and won 6,500. Didn't have to tell my wife I had gambled away the rent money. Went home with 6500 and told her we won $4000.

[Big J Okerson]

Same wife.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Same wife.

[Billy Gardell]

Same wife.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And she's just finding out the truth right now.

[Billy Gardell]

Yeah, she knows all the stories now after. After 15 years, you're too tired to lie.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's it.

[Mike Feeney]

Just too tired.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Great, great story, Alex. Five stories down. Billy really killed the ball in that one. But where are we at with our points?

[Alex (Producer)]

All right, in last place with three points, Billy Gardell. In fourth place with seven points, Mike Feeney.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Measured, very measured.

[Big J Okerson]

Measured, measured.

[Alex (Producer)]

In third place with eight points, Luis J. Gomez. And tied for the lead with 10 points each. Big J. Okerson and Tristan Bowling.

[Big J Okerson]

Boy is anybody's game. Hey, real quick story warriors. Let's thank our sponsor for today's show, and that is Him. Look, if you're struggling with E.D. erectile dysfunction, listen up. You got nothing else to do, you limp dick. Hims helps you get personalized prescription treatment options for Ed very, very quickly. They have generics that cost 95% less than brand names. They have in house products like hard mints and Sex Rx plus climax control. Look, everyone worries about this. This is a big thing in relationships and concerns. Me and Lewis are both getting older. I'll speak for him. He's got a really hard time getting it up. And I'll tell you how much Hims has changed his life. Look at him. I know, Louis, don't get sad, dude. A lot of guys deal with this. Lewis has a floppy, limp penis that doesn't work at the sight of. And surprise, surprise, a woman, a naked woman doesn't do it for him. But when he takes his hymns ED help, he is able to perform enough to get them to go to a tropical vacation. If you you want to get simple online access to personalized affordable care for not just Ed, but hair loss, weight loss, and so much more, go to hims.com w a r z wars. That's h I m s.com w a r z hims.com wars for your free online visit hims.com wars feature products include compounded drug products which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness or quality. Prescription required. See website for details, restrictions and important safety information. Actual price will depend on product and subscription plan.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, let's take a quick moment, story warriors, and thanks, Harry's Razors for supporting the show. Harry's is genuinely the best razors on the planet. And Harry's Plus's pivoting system is made to reach every corner of your face with German engineered blades. They give you a smoother shave. Genuinely great. Jay. I know that you, I mean you, you're all trimmed up.

[Big J Okerson]

You.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

J. Jay, at this point he's a, he's a, I would say a metrosexual.

[Big J Okerson]

Keep myself tightened up. You do? Yeah. Absolutely. Hits every corner of my face. And you know how much I love German engineered blades. I know as a Jew. It's strange that I trust them so much, but I really, really do. No, they are, they are sharp, they are smooth, they are nice looking. The weight of it is really good. It's fantastic. Razor for sure.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's a trusted brand. You see them in all the stores now too. Harry's is everywhere.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh yeah. They also have their own shave gel, deodorant and body wash too. Risk free trial. You gotta try them today. Why not? Any kind of risk free trial. I say give it a shot. For a limited time, Story wars fans can get their Harry's plus trial set for only $10 at harry's.com Warz wars the set includes all new Harry's plus razor, one refined five blade cartridge, a two ounce foaming shave gel and a travel cover to protect your blades on the go, which is one of the reasons I love it. Also, I'm on the go. Head over to harry's.com wars with a Z W a R Z one more time. That's harry's.com warz wars and check it out. You'll thank us later.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, let's take a quick moment and thank Body Brain Coffee for supporting the show. Body Brain Coffee is a company that I started going almost a year ago now and it is taking the world by storm. It is premium freeze dried Colombian coffee that is blended with nootropics and adaptogens that help with everything from natural testosterone support to brain function, memory and mood. Five simple ingredients. You could drink it hot, you could drink it cold, you could put it in a protein shake and it really does make you feel absolutely great. Look at the reviews on Amazon. Look at the reviews on Shopify. People love Body Brain Coffee and I'm very, very proud of this product. If you guys want to give it a try, just go to bodybraincoffee.com and use the promo code WAR20WAR20 to get 20% off your entire order. If you decide to subscribe and receive it monthly, you're going to get 20% off. Plus you're going to get free shipping for life and a special free gift anybody who is subscribed. In the next couple weeks, we're sending out a sample packet of the Body Brain creamer. That is a completely different blend that stacks perfectly with the coffee bodybraincoffee.com promo code WAR. 20 for 20% off. All right, where were we? Alex, story number six.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number six. I was masturbated in public by a self proclaimed chick with dick in Times Square before I found out. Imagine my surprise.

[Big J Okerson]

Billy, go Gardell.

[Billy Gardell]

Yeah, that's got to be me. I mean that's not even fair. That's not even fair.

[Big J Okerson]

Classic.

[Billy Gardell]

I told you that privacy. That's classic Gardell.

[Big J Okerson]

This was on your first special. Dude, everyone knows this one.

[Billy Gardell]

That was right before Mike and Molly. That happened.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Okay, so. All right, all right, all right. Number one, this sounds.

[Mike Feeney]

You thought it was Molly, but it was Mike.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Nice.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Wait, that would have been me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it would have been him.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, I'll say right now this story sounds like one of the skanks.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think it's anyone on this side of me is.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, no, no. But Tristan just moved here. He's got a girl he's not ruining his relationship with.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The only reason that he'd be in Times Square. Who else goes to Times Square?

[Mike Feeney]

My chick has a dick.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice, nice. That's good. That's progressive.

[Mike Feeney]

Norton, I'm coming for you.

[Big J Okerson]

Lewis literally sold tickets in, in Times Square.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I did, I was a promoter in Time Square. And, and I did one time I did meet a prostitute that was like, yo, let's go behind this. Like, you know when they have like, it's almost like wooden like doors on construction sites? Like massive wooden doors. This is like post no bills and they have like chain enclosed. So we squeezed in between. And then I realized once we got into a little more light, it was definitely a dude. And then she was like, hey, I'll suck your dick.

[Big J Okerson]

And I was like, you still called her she.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Though we did call her. She dumped. Very progressive.

[Big J Okerson]

It was a dude. Hey, lady.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But yeah, I, I didn't get my dick sucked. She was supposed to suck my dick for $20. And when I realized it was a dude, I was like. And then I ran you go, I'll

[Big J Okerson]

do it for $10.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Your dick for $20, dude.

[Mike Feeney]

You're trying to trick me. Well, okay.

[Big J Okerson]

I think this is a class. That seems like a Lewis Flim Flam though. He does his thing again.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What about Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Billy Gardell]

I, I think it's Jay now. I don't know you that well, but I've also seen you do stand up. And you, you are absolutely unabashed or fearless when you talk about sexual proclivity.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Billy Gardell]

No, I mean, you are. You go right at. You scare me sometimes.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not into chicks with dicks, though, if that's what you think.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, you're not in.

[Billy Gardell]

Could have been a mistake and you didn't know it happened.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's that specifically before I found out.

[Big J Okerson]

But you see that movie? You just told us the story of this Billy.

[Mike Feeney]

You sound like a traveling pastor

[Luis J. Gomez]

with

[Mike Feeney]

your proclivity to sexual impor.

[Billy Gardell]

I do.

[Mike Feeney]

And your unabashed penis talk.

[Billy Gardell]

I'm sorry. Those words are throwing you off. We used to read.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm sorry, dude.

[Billy Gardell]

He's a skateboarder on our skateboards all goddamn day.

[Big J Okerson]

He's a skateboard murderer from back in Arizona.

[Billy Gardell]

Man.

[Mike Feeney]

Mike hit me with a car.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So here's the thing. I'm getting Big J vibes. Big J's feel. Look, look. Me and Big J are animals. We've done a lot of questionable. You're also an animal with a little tiny dick. Everyone knows that about you.

[Big J Okerson]

You are so such a small dick to have.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm draw your see pro. I'm going to draw Big J's dick. That's it. I, I, I just. Yeah. I don't see Feeny getting a hand job from a. I don't see Tristan getting a hand job from a Billy. I do see it, but I don't think it's you two stories.

[Billy Gardell]

Thank you for including me, Lois.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Thank you, Big J. O Crisade. And see that little tiny dot? That is Big J's penis. That dot right there. Life size. Life size. Big J's penis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm between Lewis and Big J. Who are you going with?

[Mike Feeney]

I'm also.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm stuck on the fence. You know what? We do. Who you got?

[Mike Feeney]

Come on, flannel man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's up to you, buddy. That's what I had written down. Where's simpatico? Big Jeff?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Big J's about to start freaking out because he's got one opportunity to make some points with Tristan right now.

[Big J Okerson]

I made points, dude.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, Tristan, you're an idiot.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, no, don't let him psyche Tristan.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Tristan, you're tied for first place right now. If you guess told us the story.

[Mike Feeney]

I know. He keeps doing that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I didn't, I didn't do it last time.

[Mike Feeney]

You keep on going like this isn't me.

[Billy Gardell]

Isn't that cute?

[Big J Okerson]

Right? You can vote me either way. I'm getting the. You're not getting the points.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If you vote for Big J, you're getting the points and Big J gets no points. You pull ahead.

[Mike Feeney]

I hate the both of you so much. I. I was supposed to go.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I was supposed to go on a

[Mike Feeney]

nice date with my girlfriend tonight, but

[Big J Okerson]

you called me an hour and a

[Mike Feeney]

half beforehand, and now you're mind me in front of friends. Don't. Aw, she's fine with this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She loves it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm feeling the. The heat off of Jay's head right now. He's feeling furious.

[Big J Okerson]

You understand, if he votes for me, it doesn't make a difference to my thing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it does. You get no points. And he pulls ahead.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, if it's me, sure. Yeah. But that's not. It's not. So if he gives me, it's fine.

[Mike Feeney]

Tristan, I don't like being lied.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Tristan, we're friends.

[Mike Feeney]

I don't believe that right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So. Louis. It's definitely Louis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Tristan. Tristan. Tristan. Tristan. Tristan.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you're.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He pulls ahead. He pulls ahead.

[Big J Okerson]

Look at this.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He pulls a head twisted.

[Luis J. Gomez]

God damn it. It was Louis.

[Mike Feeney]

Jason, if you fuck me on this, I swear.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He fucked you right in your ass, you fool. He bent you over like a little bitch.

[Big J Okerson]

You are.

[Mike Feeney]

These are hurtful words.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

God. Alex.

[Mike Feeney]

You kissed me at New Year's Eve.

[Big J Okerson]

We had. Alex, you Craigslist prostitute.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Casual encounters over there.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, Alex. F for M. Oh, that was craigslist talk.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number six belongs to Big J.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I hate these guys.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You're an idiot.

[Big J Okerson]

We're back.

[Mike Feeney]

I hate these guys.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You just gave up the lead.

[Mike Feeney]

This gay ass.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Now you're never gonna read all.

[Billy Gardell]

Settle the down. You knocked my sign on the floor. Now settle the down.

[Big J Okerson]

Vinny went nuts.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Go ahead, tell the story.

[Big J Okerson]

So defensive.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't understand.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I was being honest.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I. I found parking early for a spot at the old Times Square Arts Center. Ooh, for a laugh factory.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is since I've known you.

[Big J Okerson]

I used to on stage. You remember I used to host on stage.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't remember now.

[Big J Okerson]

I went into one of the porn like video stores and I was walking around and just shooting the shit with the guy who worked there or whatever. And then there was a lady, like a weird looking lady walking around the store. And then I asked her, or she is asking me what I was doing. I was like, by the way, again, young enough comic, you can't wait to say, like, I'm a comedian, or she's clearly a junkie prostitute. She goes, oh. She goes, I service men in the back booths. And then I go, really? I go, what does that cost? Now, keep in mind, I had no cash. I'm just curious. I go, what does that cost? And she goes, well, I gotta make sure you're not a cop first. And I was like, I'm not. And she goes, no, I got a check. I was like, how? She. She goes, I gotta touch you. And then. And then I was like, okay. So I pulled my, like, the front of my pants out, and she reached down. I thought she was gonna just, like, touch it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Then she missed. So small, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Probably. No, she grabbed it with her whole hand. And there was probably. I think there was some head meat coming from below it, too. And she. She, like, started darning it out down, like, in a weird way. And I was like. And I went, okay, okay. And I go. And I go, so, how much does it cost? And she goes, no, now you. You gotta touch me. And she just, like, reached, like, pushed her, like, chest out. And I was like, okay. I go, how much does it cost? And she told me, like, some. Whatever, 60 bucks or something. And I was like, oh, that's crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You could turn that into $6,000 if you're Billy.

[Big J Okerson]

If you play it right. You play it right. And then I just started, you know, I was like. I was like, oh, okay. And then I kind of, like, started just walking around the store and looking at shit again. And she started going, like. She goes, you know what I am, right? And I went, oh, yeah. I was like a prostitute. She goes. She goes, no, no. And I go, what do you mean? And then she just grabs, like, a box or a DVD case, whatever. And she was like. And it said, like, chicks with dicks. And I went. And I said. And everything went through my mind. I visualized to, like, suplexing her and beating her up like the man that she is, or the punch in the face or the screaming or whatever the fucking thing. And I tell you all, I went. I went, cap. Yeah. And I fucking lightly jogged out of the store.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Aerosmith just started playing.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I just got the. I went. I went, oh. And I just took off. I was like, I can't believe I just got whacked off by a guy for a little bit. And when she did it, she was always gross. But when she did it, I was kind of like, that chick handling your wiener could be a worse day. Oh, guy hand on my wiener. It couldn't be A worst day, literally

[Lewis J. Gomez]

is the worst day.

[Big J Okerson]

It couldn't have been the worst day.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, six stories down, where are points at?

[Alex (Producer)]

In last place with seven points, Billy Gardell. In fourth place with 10 points, Tristan bowling.

[Mike Feeney]

How the did that happen? Jason, I hate you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I told you, you idiot.

[Alex (Producer)]

In third place with 11 points, Mike Feene. And tied for the lead with 12 points each, Louis J. Gomez and Big J Okerson.

[Mike Feeney]

Jay, I mean this sincerely. I hope he takes that book from you.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, you don't mean that. Lewis is so mean to you right now.

[Mike Feeney]

It feels mutual.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, Story number seven.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number seven. I once surprised a family member with an expensive gift they didn't want. I now have the gift, and it causes me great anxiety.

[Big J Okerson]

This could be Lewis.

[Mike Feeney]

What is it, a gun?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't think it would be Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

It could be Lewis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I feel like Lewis wouldn't have anxiety. He'd be like, sweet. More gifts and for me.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Billy votes for Mike right away.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, Billy. You don't know Mike enough to know he doesn't have money for an expensive gift.

[Billy Gardell]

No, but he screams anxiety.

[Big J Okerson]

True.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, right?

[Big J Okerson]

He does scream anxiety.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes. Now that's a great point.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But here's the thing, Tristan. If he was saying how broke he was, an expensive gift would cause him great anxiety.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Expensive is also relative. Like, it could be expensive.

[Big J Okerson]

What you think is expensive.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

$150 could be expensive when you're 20 years old and broke.

[Billy Gardell]

Right?

[Luis J. Gomez]

But if it causes him.

[Big J Okerson]

If it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You now have the gift and it causes great anxiety, now what would it be?

[Mike Feeney]

You guys are.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I feel like you guys are actually doing okay financially. So that's it.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm broke.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm an everyman.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. It would give you.

[Big J Okerson]

I belong to the people.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It wouldn't give you anxiety. Now, Tristan, I feel like, is the one where if he had an expensive gift that he couldn't return and get the money back from. You got. You got residuals coming in out your ass. I feel like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Feel like is falling apart right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Feeny, you did this last time, and it wasn't me. I'm telling you, it wasn't me. But you waste a vocal head, you're in first place. Blow it up. I don't give a. It's Tristan.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, fe.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This dude.

[Billy Gardell]

Hey, you know this is for fun, right?

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, it's for the book.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's not for fun.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They made that very clear.

[Billy Gardell]

I give you $12 for the book right now.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm trying to win. That book I will never read.

[Big J Okerson]

This is Billy Gardell. Can I say Billy Garden Bardell, Classic NBA story. Yeah, he got a little bit of cash. He bought his mom, like, a glass house or something crazy. Or a fur suv.

[Billy Gardell]

Yeah, that's what it was.

[Big J Okerson]

And now you're paying the insurance.

[Mike Feeney]

What do I do with this Fabrice baby?

[Luis J. Gomez]

He did write down a name very fast.

[Big J Okerson]

Why did I get this porcelain Porsche?

[Billy Gardell]

I. I heard anxiety, and I just went for Mike.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He did write down name very fast. But Billy's also had two stories already, which make. I mean, you can have three stories. We've had people have zero stories.

[Mike Feeney]

Before you waste your vote on me. I don't buy people expensive.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Right? Which is why if you did one time, it would cause you great anxiety. Maybe you brought.

[Big J Okerson]

Maybe.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

How would you have.

[Big J Okerson]

You're like, now I have to use this time share.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

How would they have the gift? That's what I'm not understanding.

[Mike Feeney]

The most expensive thing I could buy someone is like, a PlayStation 5. And then I would just have two PlayStation fives. And I do not see an issue with that. It would cause me no anxiety.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But if you didn't have. If money was tough, then having any sort of gift that you couldn't return, it must be like, maybe it was like a personalized gift. I mean, it also could, I guess, be Louis, but it just feels like Louis. You wouldn't have any.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't have anxiety.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Why do you think, Jay?

[Big J Okerson]

Huh?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Why do you think it's big? Why do you think it's Louis?

[Big J Okerson]

Because Louis is new money, which I understand. He'd buy his sister something, and she's like, this is a responsibility I don't. I don't want. And now whatever it is could be his problem.

[Mike Feeney]

What do you mean? You've always wanted a lynx.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Gotta think a lot before you get an dude.

[Big J Okerson]

You said you wanted a emu.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You told me you wanted a pack of wolves.

[Mike Feeney]

You know how hard it is to get a cassowary in New Jersey?

[Big J Okerson]

You said you want to play guitar with wolves like John.

[Billy Gardell]

Look who's using big words. Very nice.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I like.

[Mike Feeney]

I like Steve Irwin here.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think Big J, also new money, also, really was riddled with anxiety for a while.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I'm medicated.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He was medicated for it, literally, because he had so much anxiety. And you do buy your fucking chick, like, crazy expensive gifts, buddy.

[Big J Okerson]

I got anxiety or I got anxiety well before I was able to afford any kind of expensive gift. Now I'm on medicine, dude. I'll buy whatever the fuck I want.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

Big J.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What about what would Lewis have bought for maybe an ex that he still.

[Big J Okerson]

This is a family member.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He says, oh, it says for a family.

[Big J Okerson]

And I'm saying, he's Wet. He's got 105 year old aunt that he hangs out with and she's 88.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

She's 88. And she appreciates everything I do for her, right?

[Big J Okerson]

She does. She appreciates everything. But Lewis may have been like, hey,

[Lewis J. Gomez]

and when she's dying, I'm gonna live in it, not watch funny movies. You, I want to feel every moment of that because that's my on armor. You disparage her name.

[Big J Okerson]

All I'm telling you is that aunt Anne Marie. Okay. Is 107 years old, right?

[Billy Gardell]

God bless.

[Big J Okerson]

She had sex with Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Lewis probably bought her. I know this. My grandmother was passing away. She meant the world to me. She was in a home, which I hated, and they had her watch some shitty TV and an old person. I went, let me get you a good, nice tv. A bigger TV with a. You could have all the apps on it. She goes, I don't even understand. They just don't want it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And then you took the TV home. You couldn't figure out Roku, and here you are with anxiety.

[Big J Okerson]

But what, you think Roku's an expensive gift, you dumb shit. The TV was all day long.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Why not Tristan, though?

[Mike Feeney]

It's just. I mean, I don't know what the fuck I would buy Tristan.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Doesn't seem like an anxiety guy.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, I'm. I am an anxious wreck most of the time, but I never. Because of something someone's bought me.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Mike Feeney]

Or I bought someone. That's crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think Big J is playing the game.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, shit.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Big J buys expensive gifts and has anxiety.

[Big J Okerson]

So it could be Lewis. The way Lewis accepted that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm between Tristan and Lewis. Hey, stop paying your goddamn check. Help me out here.

[Big J Okerson]

What are you doing, dude?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Just watching the show like an asshole. Yeah, you're supposed to be settling up, tipping appropriately. Tristan. Tristan or Lewis?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Big J. Dude, it's not big.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's Lewis or Tristan. What do you think is it though?

[Mike Feeney]

It might be Mike and he's trying to throw you off by asking.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, that's a brilliant move.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They already vote.

[Mike Feeney]

They all already voted except for me. Oh, yeah, you and how convenient.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I bring down Mike.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's fine. That's not. That would. If it was you, it wouldn't change the this part of it. Tristan.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, if this is Mike, he's playing the game.

[Luis J. Gomez]

If this was me, this would I

[Lewis J. Gomez]

wish it was me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This would be great if this was me. And I'll have to remember this the next time my story comes up. But for now, you think. Tristan, I'm leading the witness a little bit here. You don't think either of them.

[Mike Feeney]

He thinks it's you, man. He doesn't want to tell you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What about Billy?

[Big J Okerson]

He doesn't want to break your heart. Dark pamp?

[Mike Feeney]

No, man. Anyone else?

[Big J Okerson]

I'm so sorry, bro.

[Mike Feeney]

I know we touched Flannel.

[Luis J. Gomez]

God damn it. All right, I'll go out on my own. This one.

[Big J Okerson]

You guys kissed Flannels,

[Luis J. Gomez]

man. I think I just got. I think it might be Lewis. You're right. But I think I'm gonna go with Tristan.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Mike Feeney]

He's so wrong. It's crazy.

[Billy Gardell]

Wow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Bad move.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was you. You.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, no, Alex. All of our answers are in who surprised a family member with an expensive gift?

[Alex (Producer)]

You did, Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Big J stays in the game with me. You piece of. Yeah, it was literally for Christmas, I bought myself son a dog that he never asked for.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Where the were you?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I bought.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't even think it was this. I thought that I wasn't thinking about your son. I thought maybe I was like. Did you. Were you initially getting the dog, like a dog for your sister?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, no, no.

[Billy Gardell]

I got.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I got a little puppy, Apple. She's adorable. She's only three months old.

[Billy Gardell]

And I got.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I got her for my son. My son could give a less about this dog. He's like, cool, and he's like. Goes into his room.

[Big J Okerson]

That's responsibility.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So now it's my responsibility. And it's just been non stop anxiety for the two weeks that I've had this dog to the point where I complained about the anxiety to you today as we walked up.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Why didn't you say that?

[Big J Okerson]

The fact. Because in my mind he was getting the. He wanted the dog. I didn't think it was a dog. I didn't. I thought it was something. I thought he got something for his sister. That or his aunt. That they were like, I don't give a about this. So I just happen to be right.

[Mike Feeney]

You guys are too goddamn close. This place stinks to high heaven.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Feels like collusion.

[Big J Okerson]

I understand your anger, Tristan.

[Mike Feeney]

Two days out from J. January 6th. You're doing this to me. You're nuts, dude.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Alex, where are points at? Seven stories down, one story left. Where we at?

[Alex (Producer)]

All right in last. I'm last with seven points, though. Billy Gardell.

[Big J Okerson]

These guys aren't impressed.

[Billy Gardell]

No, no.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Good.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, Billy. Gardell. They went.

[Billy Gardell]

Yeah, not so much.

[Big J Okerson]

That's not my horse in the ring.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Not so much.

[Alex (Producer)]

In fourth place, with 10 points, Tristan Bolling.

[Big J Okerson]

Respectable, respectable points. Respectable points.

[Mike Feeney]

I tasted the upper atmosphere and it was too sweet. I'm down where I belong.

[Alex (Producer)]

In third place with 11 points, Mike Feeney. In second place with 16 points, Big J Okerson. And in the lead with 18 points, Louis J. Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The crowd is divided. Truly, anybody's game still.

[Big J Okerson]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Is that possible?

[Big J Okerson]

Well, make these points make sense to me here.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What do you mean? Hold on.

[Big J Okerson]

We were tied last round, right?

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah. You're the only one who guessed correctly.

[Big J Okerson]

You got three points.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I got six points. All right, that's it. One more story.

[Big J Okerson]

It hurt me so much that I forgot about double points. I'm so excited to possibly take this lead and bring home Olive Gitteridge, which is about how ordinary people cope with pain, disappointment, and the passing of time. The story moves through subtle interactions instead of big plot twists, letting emotion build slowly. But by the end, Olive stands out as a woman who is tough, imperfect, and unmistakably human.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

New York Comedy Club, are you ready for your final story? Come on, Alex. Story number eight.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number eight. A Japanese fisherman once saved my life from drowning.

[Mike Feeney]

How is this surprising? Is it a surprise that he was Japanese?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It was surprising.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, there's no fishing in Arizona.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm sure there's fishing in Arizona.

[Mike Feeney]

Very few Japanese.

[Big J Okerson]

No water.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but there's probably lakes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

There's definitely lakes or places.

[Big J Okerson]

Japanese don't fish in lakes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

How do you know about that?

[Mike Feeney]

There's no koi in our lakes.

[Billy Gardell]

That's true.

[Big J Okerson]

I fished.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He was fishing for actual sushi.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. It's like the level of knowledge we have about Japanese people. Like, they fish for koi. They don't fish for it, they pray to it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So, Tristan, can you swim?

[Mike Feeney]

I've been known to. Yeah. Yeah, I can swim. Yeah. Can anyone here not swim? Well, no one's going to tell the

[Big J Okerson]

truth on that one, Big J.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Can you swim?

[Mike Feeney]

Yes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's probably hard to swim in. It's probably hard to swim in jorts, though.

[Mike Feeney]

That chain wallet weighing you down?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

His gloves are soaked.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm so absorbent.

[Big J Okerson]

Guys, I have a swimming hoodie.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Swimming hoodie, you idiots.

[Mike Feeney]

Instead of aqua socks, you have Jordans.

[Big J Okerson]

I have mesh inside all my jorts.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Billy, have you ever almost drowned?

[Billy Gardell]

No.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Never in your life?

[Mike Feeney]

No.

[Billy Gardell]

Never once? No. And I was pretty buoyant at one point.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that's what I would say. I'd never been over afraid of drowning, ever. I've always been like, even if I get carried out to sea, I'll be on top.

[Billy Gardell]

Float. Exactly.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll be on top of it for sure. Chum, they'd call me. This could be my. Who's. Lewis is dense as.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, that's my brain.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

No, you're saying he's a dunce.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Not.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, you're a dunce's. This is a tough one.

[Billy Gardell]

It is.

[Big J Okerson]

Who comes across a Japanese fisherman? I guess they have them.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I mean, it could be. The Japanese fisherman. Could be anywhere. It's not in Japan.

[Mike Feeney]

Guys, check under your seats. It's a Japanese fisherman.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone gets a Japanese fisherman.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You and you and you.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This is a strange.

[Billy Gardell]

Have you ever lived out west?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I've never lived. I've only lived on Long island and in Queens, New York. Yeah. So I wouldn't say there's a. Haven't run into a ton of Japanese fishermen in my life.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This the only time that Feeny's not having a full fledged meltdown.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I've had the times I have meltdowns is when I'm trying to explain it to you guys. This time is what. I'll say this in my defense. I was a lifeguard, so that's how. That's how good.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The Japanese fisherman said. No can defend.

[Big J Okerson]

If you write no can defend.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I don't know. I was. I have nothing I could do with that. But I will say I'm.

[Big J Okerson]

I Like, you gave it 30 seconds ago.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You went, sorry, I didn't know we were waiting for.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm out of the.

[Mike Feeney]

And I got nothing.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I. I will say I. I probably the best swimmer of everybody in this room.

[Big J Okerson]

What? Dude, I'm like Johnny Weissmuller.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I was. I was a lot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Everybody in the room.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Everybody in the room without even. What?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Dude, I'm looking at a Cuban right there. That's what we got here.

[Big J Okerson]

Are you out of your mind?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This guy swam here from Venezuela.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Which guy?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The guy in the Venezuelan dude.

[Big J Okerson]

God, you're a racist.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Everyone besides him.

[Mike Feeney]

His chick just said Brazilian, which means he's got a piece.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, that means he moves like a dolphin through water because all his dick hair is waxed off.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, sorry. Second best swimmer.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So I. Here's the thing. I think Feeny is not being. I think Feeny's probably. He's a pretty athletic dude. I can see you being a good swimmer. You do have swimmer energy. You really do.

[Big J Okerson]

Like, you flew through close to the sun. And then a Japanese fisherman had to save you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

There's bread, there's. There's breaststroke, there's. I know all them.

[Big J Okerson]

What are you taking the Coast Guard test tomorrow?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I was thinking about it.

[Big J Okerson]

This might be Billy. Dare I say, Billy, do you know how to swim?

[Billy Gardell]

I do.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I can picture you at your largest not being a great swimmer.

[Billy Gardell]

No, but I could float. Weren't you paying attention earlier?

[Mike Feeney]

Manha, the man is if.

[Big J Okerson]

If.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So if we're eliminating Billy hates Feeny.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And it's awesome.

[Big J Okerson]

I love it.

[Billy Gardell]

I don't hate him. No, I don't hate him. I do think it's Tristan now. I think this sounds like some little stoner adventure you got into and got lost. That's what he sounds like to me.

[Big J Okerson]

It could be you. You could be you nodded off in a body of water.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, it does sound like the Japanese fisherman taught me something at the end of the day.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Ever since.

[Billy Gardell]

Came back with some saying or something.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Secret, secret swimming hole ever since that

[Big J Okerson]

I can communicate with butterflies.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm just like, what? The Japanese fisherman. I turn around, he's gone. I'm like, he was just here.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Hasn't been a fisherman here in 30 years.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. There's no Japanese fisherman in these waters.

[Mike Feeney]

He gave me his card. I take it out. It's just a fortune.

[Big J Okerson]

It's just your lucky numbers. Not even anything fun.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah,

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm getting Feeney or Tristan vibes on this one.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We're kind of out of this race. It's basically a two man race.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, it's truly anybody's game still.

[Big J Okerson]

You're wrong about that. Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

No, like, literally, I'm done. I'm cook.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So Billy. It's not Billy's game.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I do think it's not Billy's game.

[Mike Feeney]

You guys, sincerely, you're. You're up. By putting me.

[Big J Okerson]

I, I.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You say that. You said that when. It was also you before, too, though.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. We all lied once. Guess what?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but this time I'm serious.

[Big J Okerson]

We gotta get over that. Mike.

[Mike Feeney]

I will also say Jason broke my heart.

[Billy Gardell]

I think.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think because of. I'll say this. I think because of you growing up in Arizona, you're probably the least strong swimmer of all of us.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Mike Feeney]

I literally need you to get saved. I have two web toes on each feed. I'm not you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't know what that means.

[Mike Feeney]

I can swim like a goddamn frog is what it means.

[Big J Okerson]

It means he's amphibious.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm amphibious.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It means that he has the Babies. Duh.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm a seahorse.

[Big J Okerson]

He can reproduce. He digs a hole and lays the eggs.

[Mike Feeney]

I have to take plan B or

[Big J Okerson]

else I'm like, shoot out. You just drop out. 700 eggs.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I didn't let go of it. I didn't let go of it.

[Mike Feeney]

What?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You live on an island. Are you trying to convince Feeny that it's himself? What is wrong with you? Sir.

[Mike Feeney]

Thank you, sir. You are my flannel man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

In the back.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. You guys got gloves. And I believe them.

[Mike Feeney]

Dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They do look exactly alike. That's very crazy.

[Mike Feeney]

He literally looks like. If I.

[Big J Okerson]

Big J.

[Mike Feeney]

This should be.

[Big J Okerson]

It's our boy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This guy's dressed like the Deftones.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, that's our child. Jackson with an X Slayer.

[Mike Feeney]

What are you doing out of the house?

[Big J Okerson]

It was his Lincoln Park. Have you called your mother?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm telling you this right now. Now, Lewis. I am an excellent swimmer. I would never be close to that.

[Big J Okerson]

It is.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's either Tristan or someone else. But I think it's Tristan.

[Mike Feeney]

It is not me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think it's Tristan.

[Mike Feeney]

It's not me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And I'm confident.

[Mike Feeney]

I don't think you are.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm telling you, dude.

[Billy Gardell]

It's not me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't. You do whatever you want. I'm telling you. I'm a. I'm done. I'm done arguing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm going before you're done arguing into your microphone. Anyway.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm just in case you decide to be a copier. Everybody knows what a you are.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm not going to be a copier, dude. I don't need to be a copier.

[Mike Feeney]

Do big. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If I.

[Mike Feeney]

If I. Jay's not winning. We just found that out right now. So it's not me. Big J's not winning. We know that for a fact.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

God damn it. I think it's Tristan.

[Mike Feeney]

You guys are all wrong.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm sorry, Jay.

[Mike Feeney]

You guys are all wrong.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think it's him. What do you want me.

[Mike Feeney]

You guys are all wrong. Lewis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Legitimately.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Here's the thing. If it's Tristan J.

[Big J Okerson]

Doesn't matter. Louis. If it's Tristan or not. Lewis is going to win. We both save Tristan.

[Mike Feeney]

Lewis, in my eyes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's smart, dude.

[Mike Feeney]

If you want to win. I'm looking at my girlfriend. She's fucking disappointed in me right now that I lost so bad. Which, honestly, it's a fun game.

[Big J Okerson]

You ruined date night and fucking stole a book from that household.

[Mike Feeney]

You stole a book I would never read.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Because you know what?

[Big J Okerson]

Here's the Thing I'm gonna.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Look, I. I'm not gonna fucking change my answer so I could fucking make it a more interesting thing. I want to win this goddamn book. This book looks incredible. I want to read it tonight. I want to start tonight. I'm voting for Tristan. I don't give a shit.

[Billy Gardell]

There you go.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Nobody. I can't wait until It's Tristan.

[Big J Okerson]

It's Lewis.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Everyone voted for Tristan.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm so for you, big man. I'm coming for you.

[Big J Okerson]

Really winning so hard right now, dude.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If it's Feeny, by the way, I'm pretty sure he wins right now.

[Mike Feeney]

I voted Mike.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, you voted Mike. Yes. Thank God.

[Alex (Producer)]

Story number eight belongs to Mike Feeney.

[Big J Okerson]

I knew it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I knew it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You piece of. You keep your mouth shut, you goddamn deftone son of a.

[Mike Feeney]

Do not yell at my son, Marilyn Manson.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Corn.

[Big J Okerson]

Like,

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, my God. He almost drowned on his beer.

[Mike Feeney]

Japanese fisherman, where are you?

[Big J Okerson]

Fe.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What happened here? Tell us this story. I think I knew who won already, but tell the story.

[Billy Gardell]

Ah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I was in Florida. I was surfing. I. I got taken out past the jetties into open ocean on my surfboard. I was in New Smyrna beach, the shark bite capital of the world. I was panicking. I was a lifeguard. I am an excellent swimmer, but the tide was that.

[Big J Okerson]

Other people say it, bro.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, listen, everybody always does, all right? And I was trying to swim and I was trying to do the breaststroke. I was losing ground. So then I got off the board. I was doing a backstroke. I knew that from lifeguarding, that. That could use less energy. And it got me back to the other side of the jetties. And the only person that saw me was a lone Japanese fisherman who scaled down the rocks and helped pull me into. Well, I was getting like slammed up against every crashing wave. My board was totally destroyed. I was getting slammed into the rocks. He pulled me up and he just is my guardian angel, you know?

[Big J Okerson]

Guardian angel.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Did you get his name?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll never forget him. I'll never forget him.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What. What was his name?

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was like Huang or something. I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God. Alex. The anal queen of Queens. Our final numbers, please.

[Alex (Producer)]

In last place with seven points, Billy Gardell.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna.

[Alex (Producer)]

In fourth place with 14 points, Tristan Bolling. In third place with 16 points, Big J Okerson.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Great showing for Big J. Great showing.

[Big J Okerson]

7 and 100.

[Alex (Producer)]

There is a one point difference between second and first place.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It your fault if I lose.

[Alex (Producer)]

And your winner tonight with 18 points, Lewis J. Gomez.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You get a trust in yourself.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Every time. Every time.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, it's official. The fix is in. Lewis steals another one.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That was close. 18, 17 and 16 points were the top three.

[Big J Okerson]

If you read any of these books, you would not be retarded. Luis J. Gomez, once again, your story. Warrior of the evening.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They're so bummed out.

[Big J Okerson]

They hate it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They hate. Dude, it's like it takes all the

[Big J Okerson]

wind out of their sails.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They walk out.

[Big J Okerson]

Piss. How about a big round of applause for our amazing panel, everyone. Tristan Bowling, Mike Feeney, Billy Gardell, first time on the show. Please come back and join us again soon. Thank you all for being here at the New York Comedy Club. We'll catch you next time around. Until then, peace.