092. Cort McCown, Brittany Ross, Chris Porter | Fashion

Summary

Story Warz Ep. 092 – Fashion (May 8, 2026)

Host: GaS Digital Network
Panelists: Big Jay Oakerson, Luis J. Gomez, Chris Porter, Brittney Ross, Court McCown
Theme: Fashion

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Episode Overview

In this live edition of Story Warz from The Stand Comedy Club, hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez are joined by comedians Chris Porter, Brittney Ross, and Court McCown to compete in a riotous game of deceptive storytelling. The night’s theme is “Fashion,” so all panelists share true-but-anonymous tales from their own style-related misadventures. The group’s challenge is to guess who the real storyteller is—or mislead the others when it’s their own story. The game is raucous, sharp-tongued, and self-deprecating, with relentless roasts, zany theorizing, and a surprising degree of honesty about personal fashion history.

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Rules & Stakes

• Each contestant submits three to five personal stories on the theme (fashion).
• Eight are chosen and read at random by producer Alex; panelists must either fool the others or guess the right storyteller.
• Points are earned by correctly guessing or misleading.
• The winner receives a fashion-themed book: Perfect Fit by Claire Gilmore.
• Second half of the game: double points.

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Panel Intros & Banter (02:04–07:50)

• Big Jay and Luis banter with the Nashville audience.
• Memorable moment (02:52): “If you’re not familiar with the game. It’s your first time listening at home. It’s very simple. We’ll explain it once we get our esteemed panel to the stage.” – Big Jay
• Contestant intros:
  • Chris Porter jokes about prepping via “Comics Unleashed.”
  • Brittney Ross’s ex-boyfriend heckles, causing a stir.
  • Court McCown jokes he’s as old as Comics Unleashed itself.
• Tone: Unfiltered, fast-paced, roasting right from the start.

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Game Begins – Round-By-Round Highlights

Story 1: The Mall Walk (09:31)

Story: “I used to walk 10ft in front of my family at the mall because I was embarrassed of how they were dressed.”
Panel banter:

• Suspicions fly between Court, Brittney, and Chris—jokes about Court’s age and cool factor.
• Insight: Going to the mall as a form of teen independence.
• Correct answer: Chris Porter (14:17)
  • Notable quote: “My dad used to wear camouflage pants to the mall…he looked like a guy that has all the guns…” – Chris Porter (14:33)

Story 2: Piercing Young & Stoned (16:16)

Story: “I got a piercing at a tattoo shop when I was 11 years old and stoned.”
Panel banter:

• Accusations bounce between Lewis’s bad influences, Brittany’s “Disney face,” and Court’s “lawless 20s.”
• Brittney shrewdly lies about her upbringing, then fesses up.
• Correct answer: Brittney Ross (22:17)
  • Notable quote: “My reward for getting my wrist surgery was that I got to get my belly button pierced the next day because I grew up in Texas. And that’s what you do…” – Brittney Ross (22:47)
  • Cross-shaped belly ring from her mother, blending rebellion with Southern tradition.

Story 3: Raiders Crop Top (28:42)

Story: “In elementary school, I wore a Raiders fishnet crop top. I didn’t even like the Raiders.”
Banter:

• Deep dive into ‘80s/‘90s fashion fads.
• Croptops, body types, and who could “pull it off.”
• Correct answer: Luis J. Gomez (33:39)
  • “I put it on and I just wore it around my house. My mother called me a bleep and I never wore it again.” – Luis J. Gomez (34:44)

Story 4: DIY Infection (35:57)

Story: “In high school, I pierced my eyebrow with a rusted safety pin and it got infected.”
Banter:

• Panel accuses Lewis yet again; he admits to self-piercing—but usually not with rusty tools.
• Gross-out details—Luis did this repeated times.
• Correct answer: Luis J. Gomez (40:43)
  • Memorable: “It would squirt…crusted over with rust and scab, and I had to, like, pull it out and press it.” – Luis J. Gomez (41:21)

Points Update (43:07–43:53)

• Panel is closely scored—anyone’s game entering double points.

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Second Half – Double Points Drama

Story 5: Runway Model…? (48:34)

Story: “I was a Runway model for several years. I never got with a big agency, so it never went anywhere.”
Banter:

• Suspected: Court (“silver fox”), Brittney (“not tall enough”), Chris (“hot as fuck”).
• Jay’s twist: Was a children’s tuxedo model for his mother’s formalwear shop.
• Correct answer: Big Jay Oakerson (53:53)
  • Reveal: “I was in the ring bearer tuxedos. I would go on weekends and model with a little…” – Big Jay Oakerson (54:27)

Story 6: The Bowl Cut Tragedy (60:15)

Story: “My mom made me get a haircut before I hosted the fifth grade talent show. It was so bad that I ran away from home for two days until after the talent show was over.”
Banter:

• Panel quickly latches onto Chris Porter.
• Correct answer: Court McCown (63:32)
  • “My mom took me to get this haircut. The guy gave me one of those stupid bowl cuts…so I took off for two days. Stayed at my buddy Braxton’s house.” – Court McCown (63:37)

Story 7: Surprising Tramp Stamp (65:25)

Story: “I had sex with someone with a surprising tramp stamp.”
Banter:

• They theorize about guys with tramp stamps, joke about Bible verses and “lucky you” tattoos.
• Correct answer: Brittney Ross (68:58)
  • “It was the Bible verse…‘all things are possible.’ He was just really spreading the word of God every time he bent over.” – Brittney Ross (69:04)

Story 8: Rope Climb Catastrophe (71:49)

Story: “In seventh grade, I climbed the rope in gym. And on the way down, the rope caught my shorts and exposed me to the class.”
Banter:

• J & Luis riff on their personal nightmare if this happened; assume it must be a slim, confident guy.
• Correct answer: Chris Porter (78:10)
  • “I was sliding back down the rope, and it caught the curtain, and my balls came out…then I walked out and I looked at the gym teacher, and he was just like, okay.” – Chris Porter (78:28)
  • Panel laughs about “those Umbro shorts” and the physical finesse required to fix this.

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Final Standings (80:48)

1. Court McCown – 20 pts (WINNER)
2. Big Jay Oakerson – 18 pts
3. Luis J. Gomez – 14 pts
4. Brittney Ross – 11 pts
5. Chris Porter – 3 pts

• Court’s victory speech: “I just want to thank all you people. This—I never could have done it without you guys...I’m a happy man now.” (81:43)
• Court earns the right to trigger “Double Points” in future games.

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Notable Quotes & Comedic Moments

• [21:59] Brittney: “I also think you wrote my name in the girliest way possible. It’s the only way you can write Britney.”
• [54:27] Big Jay: “My mother was a manager for many years at Smalls Formal Wear...I was in the ring bearer tuxedos.”
• [68:04] Brittney: “He told me he was out of my league at the time, so…”
  Jay: “That’s not very Christlike.”
• [78:28] Chris Porter: “I was sliding back down the rope, and it caught the curtain, and my balls came out...then I walked out and I looked at the gym teacher, and he was just like, okay.”
• [80:18] Luis: “If my balls and dick came out while I was up there, I would let go of the rope and drop to my death.”
• [81:02] Court: “He’s got a huge cock. Doesn’t matter.”

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Key Themes & Insights

• Fashion as Social Survival: Stories revolve around how fashion choices (or forced fashion missteps) affect self-image, embarrassment, and social standing—especially in adolescence.
• Rebellion & Identity: Tattoos, piercings, and clothing become assertions of self—and often flashpoints for comic hindsight.
• Relentless Roasting Culture: The game is as much about misdirection and accusation as it is about revealing secrets—insults and self-owns abound, but with genuine camaraderie.
• Honest Moments: Panelists share real vulnerabilities (parental embarrassment, botched piercings, sexual misadventures).
• Panel Chemistry: The recurring bit about Court's age and Lawless Oklahoma, Jay’s weight, Luis’s “Puerto Rican energy,” and Brittany’s blend of innocence and rowdiness keep the crowd laughing and guessing.

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Overall Tone

Profane, loose, and brutally funny with a backbone of real stories and sincere embarrassment—classic Story Warz energy, packed with quotable asides, sharp instincts, and a disarming willingness to relive the indignities of youth and adulthood.

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Useful Timestamps

• [09:31] Start of the stories (“Mall Walk”)
• [16:16] Story 2 (“Stoned, Pierced, 11 years old”)
• [28:42] Story 3 (“Raiders Crop Top”)
• [35:57] Story 4 (“DIY Eyebrow Piercing”)
• [48:34] Story 5 (“Runway Model”)
• [60:15] Story 6 (“Talent Show Bowl Cut”)
• [65:25] Story 7 (“Tramp Stamp Sex”)
• [71:49] Story 8 (“Rope Climb Exposure”)
• [80:48] Final results and winner

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For New Listeners

This episode is a prime example of the raw, competitive storytelling and sharp-witted camaraderie Story Warz is famous for. Whether you love comedy, cringe-inducing fashion memories, or the art of roasting your friends into admitting their weirdest secrets, this one delivers.

Transcript

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

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[Big J Okerson]

Before we start today's show, you should

[Louis J. Gomez]

know that me and Big J are on the road, killing it, touring all over the country.

[Big J Okerson]

We're actually going to be together tomorrow night. One more show for Netflix. As a joke. Story wars live at the Comedy Store, midnight on Friday, May 8th.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Get those tickets.

[Big J Okerson]

It's going to sell out, so make sure. It's actually probably already sold out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But if you want to see me on the road live, I'm going to

[Big J Okerson]

be on the road in Fort Myers, Florida this weekend. Springfield, Missouri, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Oklahoma City, Rosemont, Illinois and Chicago. All those are coming up in just in the next few weeks. So go to my website, louisofskangs.com grab those tickets and check me out live.

Go to bigj.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Comedy.com right now and get tickets for the greatest Yapper Live tour happening as we speak. Also, Stanford, Connecticut, Spokane, Austin, Comedy mothership, all on deck real soon. Get your tickets now. Bigjcomedy.com we'll see you out there.

[Big J Okerson]

Fill her up.

[Jay]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network, Ladies and gentlemen, it's Story wars with

[Louis J. Gomez]

the Story Warriors, Big J Okerson and Lewis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow. What the hell is up? Nashville Comedy Festival.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We're back. We're back. We're excited. We got these amazing foam fingers. We've sold two of them to that guy. That's it?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, four.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Mike Harrington there.

[Big J Okerson]

We got a couple more.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Five has boxes of these.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, dude, but five are already sold. Dude, you're gonna heat that pool this summer. I know you're gonna. We always ask this of every crowd. How many people are familiar with the game Story wars in the audience?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Who is not familiar with the game of Story Wars?

[Big J Okerson]

Boo.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Don't be so proud, you piece of shit.

[Big J Okerson]

Fucking losing getting a fight with a soccer Mexican. I can't tell. Oh, this is my glasses. If you're not familiar with the game. It's your first time listening at home. It's very simple. We'll explain it once we get our

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

amazing esteemed panel to the stage.

[Big J Okerson]

Our first contestant tonight, a first timer here on Story Wars. He has a special man from Kansas, also ugly and angry, available on Amazon Prime. Make some noise for the hilarious Chris Porter.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Chris, happy to have you at Story Wars. I know that's a big deal in many comedians careers. How have you been preparing?

[Jay]

Let's see. I did a show next door and I did Comics Unleashed because I know they're very similar.

[Big J Okerson]

Dan, no one knows Comics Unleashed. Come on, man.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Byron Allen.

[Big J Okerson]

The guy's a billionaire. This crowd is racist. They won't acknowledge a black billionaire.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Our second competitor has a podcast called the Full Out Podcast. Also making her Story wars debut. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Brittney Ross.

[Big J Okerson]

Welcome, Britney.

[Brittney Ross]

Thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

What the was that?

[Brittney Ross]

I don't know.

[Jay]

Is that an ex?

[Brittney Ross]

Yeah, that's my ex boyfriend.

[Big J Okerson]

That might be.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Was that dangerous?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Brittany, happy to have you on the show.

[Brittney Ross]

Thank you. Happy to be here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Very sweet. Backstage. I've been talking to her. I've been sort of trying to feel her out and.

[Big J Okerson]

What the fuck does that mean?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I didn't say feel her up. I said feel her out.

[Brittney Ross]

Boyfriend.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, he could be. How do you feel about Jamaica?

[Brittney Ross]

How do.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I will say I did get a little bit of a vibe from Britney. She did.

[Big J Okerson]

Like you've never met a girl.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

Where you didn't go? We had a little something, but I chose to lay back. I am the new me. This is Story Wars.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Lois Allegiance. Skanks Louis would be finger deep inside of Britney right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God. Damn, that made the crowd uncomfortable. If you're being Legion of Skanks Louis right now, dude, you freaked out some

[Louis J. Gomez]

of the older people. They were like, what? What the hell is that?

[Big J Okerson]

This lady barely agreed to come and now she's like, this is what it is. You said this was the other show. I don't know. Then the guy started threatening sexual assault on the audience. And I don't know. It's not my kind of show. Our third contestant, last but not least, has a monthly show called the Comedy Ramble. One of my good buddies make some noise for the hilarious Court McCown.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Gord. What's up, my friend? Also making your Story wars debut?

[Court McCown]

I am as well, yes. And my debut on Comics Unleashed tonight as well. So there we go. Yeah.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Your debut.

[Court McCown]

My debut on Comics Unleashed is show's

[Big J Okerson]

been out since 1997.

[Court McCown]

They just asked me to do it, so. Wow.

[Jay]

They did take a break from 2001 to, like, last week.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Court. Court heard that I'm giving out fingers tonight. That's why I just brought that up. Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

This crowd, okay. Is feeling like a Wednesday crowd.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It does.

[Big J Okerson]

We're going to rile them the up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, we're going to get in there.

[Big J Okerson]

We're going to rile them all the way the up. If you are not familiar with the game Story wars, it is your first time listening at home. It's a very simple game. Everybody on this panel, including Lewis and I, have submitted three to five stories on one particular topic. Tonight's topic, fashion. Ooh. Alex, our lovely producer, is going to take eight of those stories and read them one at a time at random. It'll appear here on the screen. If it's your story, you're the only person who knows that. It's your job to make people think it's not your story.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If.

[Big J Okerson]

If it's not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Every time you guess the story correctly,

[Big J Okerson]

you get two points.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Every time you fool the person on the panel, you get one point. So when it's your story on that

[Big J Okerson]

screen, that's your opportunity to get the most points possible.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Once you write your answer on the dry erase board and put the dry erase board in the slot right here

[Big J Okerson]

and remove your hand, that is it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That is your final answer. And I'm going to tell you right now, this crowd, we're going to have a lot of fun tonight. We have so much fun every time here at Story Wars. It's. It's never not a fun show. The three of you guys, you're going to have so much fun. You're going to walk out of here, be like, wow, what a night. But here's the thing. We don't play for fun. Jay, let them know what we're playing for today.

[Big J Okerson]

Every week here on Story wars, we're playing for a book from the Story wars library. Tonight's winner takes home Perfect Fit by Claire Gilmore. What's Perfect Fit, you say? Well, it follows Josie, a driven girl who spends her 20s building her fashion company. When an investor forces her to bring in a consultant, she is blindsided to find out it is Will Grant, the twin brother of her former best friend, pulling her back into a past she thought she left behind.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We need to start doing that. The books need to reflect the topic. It's a book about fashion. Today's Topic is fashion.

[Big J Okerson]

What are you looking for more kudos about it? Why didn't the crowd get the double entendre?

[Louis J. Gomez]

And they give us little erasers finally? Usually they give us like an old shitty piece of toilet paper to erase our boards.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. A cocktail napkin. Why are we treated like jerk offs everywhere we go?

[Louis J. Gomez]

It only took us a year and a half to get erasers.

[Big J Okerson]

That's all right. It's cause we're on the fucking rise. And I think this crowd, if they're gonna get it, they already get it. If not, you'll pick it up along the way. But is this crowd ready for war?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Come on, Nashville. Are you ready for war?

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you, Roots. The Roots are off camera. We can't afford them on camera. Alexandra, do me a favor. Story number one.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number one. I used to walk 10ft in front of my family at the mall because I was embarrassed of how they were dressed.

[Jay]

I mean, don't most people walk, like, when you're young and you go to the mall with your family, you would always walk in front of them.

[Big J Okerson]

My family never took me to. My mom never took me to a mall.

[Jay]

Oh, well, my parents had a bit of money.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

My father was dead, so we didn't go to the mall.

[Big J Okerson]

Unless it's where his mom was picking up heroin. They're not laughing because it's true. You got to read his book. It's a page turn.

[Court McCown]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Jay]

I think nowadays the mall is where you go to get heroin.

[Big J Okerson]

Probably.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Or to walk if you're fucking 70.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So here's what I'm going to say right now. My vibe already, I'm already getting a Court McKeown vibe. And I'll tell you why. Because, Court, first of all, Court, you look great. Court is 83 years old, okay?

[Big J Okerson]

And unbelievable.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The man is stunning. He's such a handsome guy, but he is, I mean, so old. But you are the most put together person on this stage right now. And I will say that that is the vibe of like, hey, I'm fucking too cool for school. My family's a bunch of nerds. I'm trying to get some pussy at the mall. In the 40s, I guess. I don't know when it would be,

[Big J Okerson]

but the roaring 40s.

[Court McCown]

I will say I had a very hot mom who, like, frosted her hair and shit. It was like. It was. But it was kind of. It's a lot, right? It's a lot. You don't want to. You don't want to walk with it. But I wouldn't leave my mom behind in a mall.

[Big J Okerson]

My mom's hot.

[Court McCown]

I want, you know, all her friends to like, look at me even though I'm 14, you know, and no, that wouldn't be me. That wouldn't be me.

[Big J Okerson]

My dad, he talked so long that I went from going like, it's not him, to being like, maybe it is.

[Brittney Ross]

I think it's Court. I definitely think it's Court. I feel like.

[Court McCown]

Well, I look, I don't spend. I grew up in Oklahoma, so we only had one fucking mall and that place was a shithole. So I wouldn't go there with my family. But I'm looking over here, I think Brittany would be like, I think this would be.

[Brittney Ross]

I know I look like I go to the mall and like I picked the theme of tonight, but I, I, I did walk close to my mom at the mall because she bought me stuff.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I needed a seat.

[Court McCown]

I didn't think of it that way.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah. I feel like Court, Court is deflecting. He's getting nervous. He have three excuses as to why it's not him.

[Court McCown]

I gotta say right now, I think Porter growing up in Kansas City, a lot of time at the mall.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's throwing it to Porter to Ed.

[Big J Okerson]

Chris wasn't embarrassed of his family. He was dressed like a black crow in high school walking around a mall.

[Court McCown]

But they didn't say it was high school, did they?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know.

[Brittney Ross]

The story's not up on the screen anymore.

[Jay]

Yeah, you just said high school.

[Big J Okerson]

So can we get the story back on the screen? I did say high school. Yeah.

[Brittney Ross]

At the mall. Family said they didn't say it was high school.

[Court McCown]

In high school, you walk 10ft in front of your family because you were embarrassed of how they were dressed.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know what? It could be Big J with his current family now like his chill. His daughter and his wife. Cuz they dress like.

[Big J Okerson]

You're right about that actually, J, good deflection. I, yeah, I've never. It'd be funny to leave your f. Like a wife and kid behind. You're embarrassed the way they're dressed.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dress better.

[Big J Okerson]

All right. If you're going to dress like our daughter, then I'm getting the out. I'm going to be 10ft ahead of you. Meet me in the ass scene on TV store.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Look, Court started just throwing it back at anybody on heavy panic Move started to panic. I'm gonna get my voting going. Court McCown is my first official vote.

[Big J Okerson]

No brainer. But if not somebody wrecked. Oh, Chris Porter.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Why do you say Big J. Shit, he was.

[Jay]

I don't know. I feel like. I don't want to be ageist, but I don't know how many moles were around when Court was of age. Because malls were like 70s. Yeah, 80s probably.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, they had the white malls and then the black person malls. He was allowed to go to the white person?

[Jay]

Well, no, the black person mall used to be the white person mall. And then the Better white person mall opened up.

[Big J Okerson]

He's not wrong. Once they got an arcade, all the white people left. White flight, they call that. I don't know now I think it might be Chris. After that. You all right? Everyone's in shit.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number one belongs to Chris Porter.

[Brittney Ross]

What?

[Court McCown]

Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Court, why do you act so guilty?

[Brittney Ross]

Yes, why do I feel guilty?

[Jay]

All that sobriety.

[Brittney Ross]

You do act so guilty.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jay]

My dad used to wear camouflage pants to the mall. Like, army. He got them from army surplus and he. We would go to the mall and he would only wear them to the mall to be an. And I didn't want anything to put.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know, Chris, that's all of our fans. That's all they wear.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I know. Like, what, we going to church after the mall?

[Jay]

But, yeah, I was. I'm like, you look like a. Like you're in a. Like a combine of some sort. Like, you're gonna die. Like, he looked like a guy that has all the guns. Cause he's afraid the government's going to attack at some point and he's going to be able to put up a fight.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you think your father tells the story that I would walk 10ft behind my weirdo son in the mall?

[Brittney Ross]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

So nobody thought that a former Marine would be walking around with this.

[Jay]

That's.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I had to keep my eyes on.

[Jay]

Did not serve in the military. He was a photo film salesman who just had an.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I used to walk 10ft behind my gay son just to make sure I always had my eyes on him.

[Big J Okerson]

Make sure I'm a colonel in the KISS Army. I won't be walking around with this ninny.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, Alex, where our points at? One story down.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

All right, in second place, with two points, Court McCown. And in the lead with three points, Chris Porter.

[Jay]

That's right. That's right. Me and my militia dad.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, Alex, Story number two.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number two. I got a piercing at a tattoo shop when I was 11 years old and stoned.

[Court McCown]

Well, we're going to end up. We're going to end up on that end of the table for this one for sure.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Court McCown]

It's just which one and how many?

[Big J Okerson]

This is a girl. This is a girl.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, no, no, no.

[Jay]

Not with you two here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, Britney. Britney is so tiny. When she was 11, she looked like a baby.

[Brittney Ross]

There's no way I was a size of a fetus when I was 11. They don't pierce fetuses.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a girl move, though.

[Court McCown]

I mean, I think. I mean, I think, Jay, you started. You probably started at 7. 11 was probably your 8th or 9th piercing, but you just started getting stoned for 7.

[Louis J. Gomez]

11 is his favorite restaurant.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, Louis, you're not wrong. They put. They have seats there. A good one.

[Jay]

Will, I think it's a court story. Just because he's been sober for so long, that means he started fucking early.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Jay]

And went hard.

[Court McCown]

Well, yeah, but not like that early and that hard, you know?

[Jay]

So when at 11, it's what, 1956?

[Big J Okerson]

So I doubt that was a different time.

[Brittney Ross]

They weren't doing that yet.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They only did, like, sailor tattoos at the shop.

[Court McCown]

Yeah, Jackie Robinson during Guarantee. We smoked brown weed back then. You didn't get stoned. You know, we smoked shit weed. But no, I.

[Big J Okerson]

Listen, you guys, Reefer madness,

part of the propaganda.

[Court McCown]

I'm thinking down here. I think we got to go either Jay or Lewis on this one for sure.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, I'll tell you right now, it's widely known I didn't smoke weed until I was 17 years old.

[Court McCown]

Is that widely known or you're just making. Saying it's widely?

[Big J Okerson]

Widely is. Widely is a lot.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, I, you know, the fans of the show would know that that's the truth. And Jay would know that about me.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I think that's true about Lewis. I don't pay attention all the time, but Loomis will tell you this isn't me because I didn't smoke weed until I was meeting Lewis, years old.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it's true. I got Jay into weed. He wasn't an 11 year old. He also didn't get piercings until he met me. I was the worst.

[Big J Okerson]

That's not true.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was the worst influencers far before I met you. But I did I control you?

[Court McCown]

Can we ask. Can we ask so I can ask, like, Brittany, where were you born and raised?

[Big J Okerson]

She could lie to you, though.

[Court McCown]

She could lie to me. That's shit. All right. It's like every other woman. Why not? Go ahead.

[Brittney Ross]

You know, I was born in Alaska. Oh, I feel like they don't do that there. I think.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like, that's a place they would definitely do, I think.

[Brittney Ross]

No, you're also like, that's where you

[Court McCown]

end up with like a walrus tooth through your nose.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Smoking on a fishing boat.

[Court McCown]

Yeah.

[Jay]

I've been to Alaska. They don't normally let women escape,

[Brittney Ross]

especially

[Jay]

the good looking ones. They're like, no, you are staying. And you have three husbands.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Whitney. Whitney. Well, Britney, how. Sorry, Britney, how old were you? I was going to say the question was, Britney, how old were you when you first smoked weed in college.

[Brittney Ross]

I smoked weed in college for the first time.

[Court McCown]

That's what she lies and tells her parents right there.

[Jay]

Look at this Disney face. This.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Can we. Can you admit that the way she said that did kind of seem like she was into me? Can we admit that the crowd all saw that just happen?

[Big J Okerson]

She kind of has a tone to her voice that makes me feel like she's into me also. Am I crazy? She's like, I don't think this is my story.

[Jay]

Kind of weird shit are.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know, it's not Baby Story. I think it might be Big Daddy's story.

[Big J Okerson]

I was just a little girl. I couldn't have been so stoney wy. Yep, you're right. It was court. He grew up in the lawless twenties. The roaring twenties, dude. The Cotton Club was going strong. Jazz. Jazz was making its way onto the scene.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. When. When Court was 11, that was like. Like people had jobs and families at 11 years old.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. The American dream was still alive, people. Let me tell you something.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Cord had just gotten done working in a coal mine and I wore a

[Court McCown]

suit and tie every fucking day.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was an honest living.

[Big J Okerson]

It was an honest living.

[Court McCown]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm going court again.

[Big J Okerson]

It could be. Oh, man. Yeah. I think Brittany.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You think Brittany.

[Big J Okerson]

J. Brittany.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Were you.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you. You did some child acting?

[Brittney Ross]

I kind of. I mean, I played a. I did some child acting when I was an adult.

[Big J Okerson]

Really?

[Brittney Ross]

Yeah.

[Court McCown]

Now I'm interested.

[Brittney Ross]

Yes. I played as.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah, here we go.

[Brittney Ross]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Keep in mind. Don't worry, I'm bad at the game.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Why'd you think Britney after all that? It was so obviously cool.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll tell you why. Because I had to go through like a whole faking a thing to get a tattoo when I was 17. Like a whole, like, faking stuff. And so for someone to come in at 11, it's got to be a girl. Fast and loose. 11 year old.

[Brittney Ross]

I also think you wrote my name in the girliest way possible. It's like, it's the only way you can write Britney.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not gonna apologize for being an artist.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's true. The only way to write Britney is with stars.

[Brittney Ross]

And like, like you just forgot the heart over there sparkles.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All of our answers are in two stories down. Alex, whose story.

[Big J Okerson]

Why are you staring at me, you fucking number two.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number two belongs to Brittney Ross.

[Big J Okerson]

Whoa.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No way.

[Jay]

That Disney vibe is only skin deep.

[Brittney Ross]

Yep.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You were smoking weed at 11.

[Brittney Ross]

Okay, I was smoking weed at like 13, but when I got my. I got my belly button pierced when I was 11 and I was so high on Vicodin because I had just had wrist surgery the day before.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice.

[Brittney Ross]

So my. My reward for getting my wrist surgery was that I got to get my belly button pierced the next day because I grew up in Texas. And that's what you do were you lied about everything.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You didn't even grow up in Alaska.

[Brittney Ross]

Guys, I'm a good. No, I was born in Olas, but I got out. I got out before they could. Before they could get me.

[Court McCown]

This is the girl. This is the kind of girl I grew up with. 11 year old smoking weed on Vicodin, getting her belly button pierced. Yeah, dude.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, that was like. Yeah, that was like.

[Court McCown]

We brought her to church first thing on Sunday, man. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

What I never wrapped my brain around was the idea that your parents were like, all right, if you do good, you can get a belly button piercing like a slut.

[Brittney Ross]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I don't care if you're a raging whore bag. Just get good grades.

[Brittney Ross]

But my mom gave me a belly button ring with a blinged out dangling cross hanging from it to wear out.

[Big J Okerson]

God damn.

[Court McCown]

Just like Jesus. You and your mom would just like Jesus.

[Brittney Ross]

That's what Jesus wanted. 11 year olds skipping around.

[Big J Okerson]

Britney and her mom used to sneak backstage to Dane cook concerts when she was younger. Whichever one of us you like more Dane, we're fine. The other one's cool.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay, two stories down. Where are our points at?

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

All right. Tied for third place with two points each. Big J Okerson and Court McCown,

[Court McCown]

you're a player.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

And tied for first place with three points each, Chris Porter and Brittney Ross.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, story warriors, let's take a moment and thank Factor meals for supporting the show. We love Factor Meals, designed by dietitians and prepared by real chefs. Ready in just two minutes. There's no planning, no cooking, no nothing. This is an easy way to live life. My son stays with me three days a week. You know, I'll cook for him. But even then I'm like, you know what? Who has got the time anymore? I order a factor meal, they taste great, they're better than I could ever possibly cook. And genuinely a wide variety with nutrients, dense ingredients. So if you're trying to be healthy, you're trying to have certain dietary restrictions, this is a better way to do it. Why spend all that time at the grocery store and cooking?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

No, they, they have ready to eat salads now. They're great healthy options when you're in a rush. Two minutes in the microwave, it's that quick. And the food is oddly delicious.

[Big J Okerson]

Really good. I've been factor for a long time

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

now and it's a very easy way, I said, with our schedules to make something very, very easy, fast and not order, you know, shitty fast food. That's what's available when we get home. So it's, it's really been a huge, huge, wonderful factor in my life.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Ooh.

[Big J Okerson]

If you had to factor meals.com wars50off,

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

that's W A R Z 50 off

[Big J Okerson]

and use the code wars50OFF, you're gonna

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

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[Big J Okerson]

All right, story warriors, let's take a moment to thank prize picks for supporting the show. Prize picks. What a cool way to enjoy sports. I'm not a sports guy, but I'll tell you right now, I'm enjoying the NBA playoffs because now I can get a little bit of skin in the game. There's no better way to cash in on the action than prize picks, a preferred partner of the NBA. Every bucket, every diamond, every win means more when you're playing on prize picks. Genuinely a great way to enjoy the game. It's a game within a game.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

It's very, very simple. You simply pick two to six players across any sport and you're playing against their projected stats. That's it. They pick a quarterback, they'll say they're going to score two touchdowns. You're picking more or less than that. Very, very simple. Also with the NBA playoffs here, you can pick live squares during the NBA playoffs, which can get you a trip for two to the NBA Finals. You enter by making a five dollar lineup with at least one live player pick during any part of the 2026 NBA playoffs right now. If you just download the prize picks app today and use the code wars with the zwarz, you get fifty dollars in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup. It's that easy. It's that great of a deal. That's code wars with a z warz to get $50 in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup. Prize picks a preferred partner of the NBA. What's up story warriors? Let's take a second and thank one of our amazing sponsors over here. And that is Ridge, everybody. You know Ridge about their wal, but now you can keep all your devices powered on the go with their new ridge power bank. It's a five in one power bank to let you charge anything at any time. Magsafe, wireless charging, lightning and USB C cables. Ridge has got you covered with all of it and it holds up to three full phone charges and powers your devices very, very fast.

[Big J Okerson]

We're all scrolling non stop. That eats up your battery life.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If you're using the gas digital app,

[Big J Okerson]

you got about an hour of phone

[Louis J. Gomez]

life left, I'll tell you that much. We gotta fix that.

[Big J Okerson]

It's genuinely. You want to make sure that you're on the go. You never run out of power. We're in an industry and in a world where you need your phone constantly and they're really, they're cool looking, dude. They're available in olive green, basecamp orange and matte black and they come with free shipping and a 99 day risk free trial. You got nothing to lose here. The ridge power bank is the last one you'll ever need. One thing to pack five ways to power. You can get ridges power bank at best buy or story war stands can save some money. Get 10% off right now. That's the way to get it. @ridge.com use the code wars W A R Z at checkout. Once again, that is ridge.com. use that promo code wars and you're all set for 10% off. All right, where were we?

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, story number three.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number three. In elementary school, I wore a raiders fishnet crop top. I didn't even like the Raiders.

[Big J Okerson]

Chris Porter.

[Jay]

I do look good in a crop top. I'm not gonna lie about it.

[Brittney Ross]

I feel like your dad made you wear it.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, you know what? No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Where the.

[Jay]

Where are the Raiders calling me pony boy?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is that Oakland?

[Big J Okerson]

It's Oakland, but that doesn't matter.

[Court McCown]

A fishnet Fishnet smells a little Puerto Rican. It does.

[Big J Okerson]

But here's the thing. About Lewis. Lewis wouldn't have done a crop top.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Who said that? You piece of. But security removed this guy violently.

[Big J Okerson]

He said you were fat.

[Court McCown]

Dude, it's elementary school.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You were.

[Court McCown]

He was probably ripped in elementary school.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That crop top was ripped. Put it up my little fat ass

[Big J Okerson]

laying across your tum.

[Jay]

But also the 80s, everyone wore crop tops. All the dudes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

None of us work.

[Big J Okerson]

I've never attempted crop top.

[Jay]

Watch, watch a breaking video from the 80s. It's all a bunch of dudes in crop tops on cardboard.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude, if you're a Paula Abdul backup dancer.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. If you're flying 69, a bald black guy in a Madonna video. Sure, sure.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hold on. All right, this.

[Big J Okerson]

Slaps of corks.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm telling you what I'm who grew up.

[Court McCown]

You guys have like, no opinion. Like, your opinion of me is like

[Big J Okerson]

way I went with Britney on that last one. Here's why I think it's you. I'm picturing you. I remember the cool people when I was young. And Court's a little bit older than me, but when I was younger, I remember a cool kid. It was the 80s. A look would be to wear like a ripped up. Like it's like a practice kind of thing. And jeans and it was like a cool guy look almost in the.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was never a cool guy.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay. I feel like for somebody else, I'm gonna look so awesome in a minute.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Court, where you did you grow up on the west Coast?

[Court McCown]

I grew up in Oklahoma.

[Big J Okerson]

He said Oklahoma already? Dude, open your ears.

[Court McCown]

Yeah, Oklahoma. If I wore a fishnet crop top down, they would beat me to death. I wouldn't be here right now. I don't give a what team it it was. You could wear an OU sooner fishnet crop top, they'll still kill your ass on the driveway.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not fishnet. It's calling a fishnet. But it's. It's the. You know what the it is? Practice jersey.

[Jay]

But also, didn't the boss wear a crop top? Brian Bosworth was like the king of the crop top.

[Court McCown]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he also had, like, the buzzed head. I had a full nice head of hair.

[Big J Okerson]

Hell, yeah, you did. Over the back of that Bo Jackson jersey. So.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, I'm getting Big J. I'm sorry, I'm getting Court McCown or Big J vibes. Now, here's the thing. I know. Let me say this. I know that Big J, he was a fat kid and would never wear a crop top. Except for when. Except for when you do that. The one Time. And you realize that you can never do it again.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, can I tell you something? You might be right. My. My stepbrothers, former stepbrothers, who I did look up to very much, were very skinny, and they wore a half top under a button down shirt. The same button down shirt that that me, his twin brother, and him all got for Christmas. And then I went home and I was like, I'm gonna steal the half top idea. And then I did it. But I never made it out of the house. It was a look in the mirror and be like, yo, this doesn't look like those guys.

[Court McCown]

The only reason I question whether it's Big J is growing up in Philly wearing a Raiders jersey.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

You get killed.

[Court McCown]

You get killed.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. You know what to be. I want to be fair always. You wouldn't necessarily get killed because also, the 80s 90s were a time where you could wear any team for style, but you're only rooting for the other team. It's got to be a certain player or something.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Now, could this be Brittany showing off that sweet little child belly button?

[Brittney Ross]

I wish.

[Big J Okerson]

You did have a fierce belly button for a couple years at this point.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. All right. In elementary school. Yeah. I mean, out of everyone on stage, I can see it being Chris Porter. I'm visualizing him in a. But I can see it now. I don't know.

[Jay]

Don't start jerking off.

[Big J Okerson]

Please don't.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna vote for the third time in a row, Court McCann.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Holy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's eventually got to be Court.

[Big J Okerson]

One day it will be him.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I just.

[Jay]

See, I can visualize it.

[Brittney Ross]

I think it's Louis.

[Big J Okerson]

You think it's Louis?

[Brittney Ross]

I feel like he's getting off easy here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Listen, I will later on when I'm thinking about you.

[Big J Okerson]

This could. This could be Lewis. This is how we lose friends and sponsors answers. Everybody's in.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All of our answers are in. Alex.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number three belongs to Lewis J. Coleman.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I knew there was that fish

[Court McCown]

that smelled Puerto Rican.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You guys had my number. So this was in the first grade. I didn't give a shit about sports at all. What you got was for. For some reason, like, if you did good on a task, like what you did every week, the teacher, Ms. Du Bois, my first grade teacher would allow you.

[Big J Okerson]

Dubois. You didn't learn that now?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, it was Dubois. D, E, B, O, Y, C, E. That's Dubois. So. So for if you got like a good grade or something like this, once a week, she would let you go pick out a toy from this like, toy bin that you got to bring home and keep. It was like they're little kind of shitty toys.

[Big J Okerson]

Her old slutty clothes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Sometimes it was. Sometimes it'd be like silly glasses or like a hat. But there was a Raiders. Like, you're right. It was like a practice fishnet half top. And I was like, that's awesome.

[Big J Okerson]

That's for black kids, you idiot.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That is. And I remember I got it home and I. I put it on and I just wore it around my house. My mother called me a. And I never wore it again.

[Big J Okerson]

You didn't have enough bones to wear

[Court McCown]

that, did you have on, like really short shorts and really high white socks and you were just dancing around the living room?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay. Yeah. Unless you were wearing your boyfriend's jersey. He's playing tomorrow. Fuck. That was a big swoop.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex, where are points at?

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

All right, tied for fourth place with two points each, Louis J. Gomez and Big J Oker. In third place with three points, Chris Porter.

[Jay]

What up?

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

In second place with four points, Court McCown

[Louis J. Gomez]

coming around.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

And in the lead with five points, Brittney Ross.

[Brittney Ross]

Thanks, guys.

[Big J Okerson]

Holy girl power,

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex. Story number four.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number four. In high school, I pierced my eyebrow with a rusted safety pin and it got infected.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, how is this not Lewis again?

[Jay]

There's no way this.

[Big J Okerson]

I would lay my life. Then it was Louis. But the. It can be. Let me tell you guys, as first time players, it could be three stories in a row that are. Lewis. Yeah. Random.

[Court McCown]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Generated. But you know, the. You play the odds and. What the. Dude, you did this for sure.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I did do my own piercings, unquestionably.

[Big J Okerson]

Not your eyebrow?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I had my eyebrow pierced.

[Big J Okerson]

You did it yourself?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

With a Rusty.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, not with. Not with a. Not with a rusty. I pierced it with a. A sewing needle and then I put a thing and a hoop in it.

[Court McCown]

Well, we know it's not Brittany because her parents would have taken her to a hospital to have it done correctly.

[Brittney Ross]

Exactly.

[Court McCown]

And after she got a C on her test. You got a C? Let's go get you another piercing, honey.

[Big J Okerson]

You're 15. I'm gonna take you to my labiaplastia.

[Court McCown]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Time to trim those beaver lips down.

[Court McCown]

It's time for you to see your father's Prince Albert.

[Jay]

You know,

[Louis J. Gomez]

I. I think you graduated the eighth grade. Time for a clit ring.

[Brittney Ross]

How else do you know your parents came?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God. Straight C's. I'm gonna get you one of those butt plugs with a real jewel on it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Porter, were you. Were you punk rock? Were you a little rock and roll in high school?

[Jay]

No, I was in the middle of the grunge scene.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Huh.

[Jay]

Like, yeah, I wore a lot of flannel and large shorts. Jean shorts.

[Brittney Ross]

That sounds like a safety pin.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That is kind of a safety pin right there.

[Big J Okerson]

That's what Scott Weiland died from.

[Court McCown]

This. This has got Big J. This got your name again.

[Big J Okerson]

Here's the problem with me. And God damn it, I know it about myself. I am all smoking mirrors, everything people think I am because of my tattoos and whatever else I am. No, everyone's thinks I'm like. It's a. Like, what, do you listen to heavy metal while you take a shower? I'm like, nah, like yacht rock. Or maybe just a nice light 80s soft rock tune.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You listen to music while you shower?

[Big J Okerson]

Sometimes. Sometimes I listen to YouTube videos about people who hate us.

[Brittney Ross]

Oh, my God.

[Big J Okerson]

One of those two, though.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I get it.

[Court McCown]

This still says, like. I. I still think the whole, like, you would have done the piercing. It's high school. Little kind of getting in there and the rusted safety pin in, you know?

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Court McCown]

Infection. Infection for sure.

[Jay]

Going to malls.

[Court McCown]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Because your mom was. Your mom was on heroin.

[Big J Okerson]

I snuck off and got my ear pierced at an ear piercing place when I was young.

[Brittney Ross]

I saw you there and I called,

[Big J Okerson]

I made a fake note. These dummies did it. It was Philly. And when I got home, my stepfather saw and he called my mom and she said, that better be out before I get home. And then I'd, like, take it out. Crazy. That was taking a little piercing place. So I wouldn't have taken the world in my own hands. What I actually did afterwards when I was get my mom's old hoop earrings and break the earring part out and squeeze it onto my ear and then be Bon Jovi in the mirror. Fuck you guys. Why didn't you take that ride with me, man? I thought I was baring my soul there.

[Court McCown]

I'm still. That's a lot. That was a lot of. A lot of this. No, I didn't think it was Big

[Louis J. Gomez]

J until he gave us that whole story.

[Court McCown]

Yeah, it's like, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh.

[Jay]

And as soon as they asked the question, it was just all fire and brimstone from Jay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was like, it's gotta be Lewis. But can I say this? I don't know that Big J was a wigger. He was not like punk rock. He wasn't eyebrows.

[Big J Okerson]

We can say that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

An eyebrow piercing. When we were in high School was like a heavy metal, punk rock type thing. Not a wigger from Philly. No, I was.

[Big J Okerson]

I was crossover enough. I wanted the eyebrow piercing three like corn. But, yeah, I heard it'll make your eyebrows.

[Jay]

Fans had eyebrow piercings. Like, let's not act like it was super hardcore.

[Big J Okerson]

They said it would make your eye droop if you got your eyebrow pierced. And my Judaism made me overrule that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm getting Chris Porter vibes. He was grunge in the 90s all day long.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, you did it while you were listening to the Pearl Jam albums. No one knows Vitology, first off.

[Jay]

That's a great record.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure. Right? I checked out at verses,

[Louis J. Gomez]

Porter and Jay all around. Alex, four stories down. Whose story is story number four?

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Oh, man, you guys. Story number four?

[Big J Okerson]

Come on, dude.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Also belongs to Louis J.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Now that's more like I'm rooting against you. You're always rooting against.

[Big J Okerson]

No, now this one. I am for real.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This was maybe the 10th grade. I mean, there's not much more to it. I just wanted to pierce my. You know, I had my. I. I've had my lip pierce my eyebrow, my nipple, and my.

[Big J Okerson]

Rusty.

What?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, it wasn't rusty. When I started it, I put it into my eyebrows.

[Big J Okerson]

What, did your breast milk rusty?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, the wetness from the inside of my eye. The blood.

[Big J Okerson]

Sweat inside, too. Well, it's like, damn, you are Puerto Rican.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There's blood and there's, like, goop and there's weird and pus and. And that all started to rust the. And so it eventually became, like, crusted over with rust and scab, and I had to, like, pull it out and press it. It would squirt.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I wasn't understanding. You pierced it with a safety pin. Just left a safety pin in there.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I left the safety pin in it.

[Jay]

Oh.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, we're Nashville. We're so cool. We have got everyone.

[Big J Okerson]

Relax. He's gotten late since. He's gotten late since.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We believe in Jesus and guns.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Can't have a little rusted safety pin in your face. Grow up, you pussies. But yeah, yeah, so that. And I did that a few times. I couldn't learn my lesson. I did that maybe three times with the same result every time.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I would never.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yep. Well, anyway, I've grossed everyone out. Alex, where our points at?

[Jay]

He disappointed us more than anything.

[Big J Okerson]

Why? Cause he's living with. Not dying for. From sepsis.

[Jay]

Well, just the lack of basic human knowledge.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I face tetanus.

[Big J Okerson]

He's not dying from it. He's living with it.

[Jay]

It's like aids.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. The second he accepts it is when he dies. Yeah, dude.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's rust in my blood, dude.

[Jay]

I love how you did it once and then you're like, strike one. Let's go again.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We can't lose an eyebrow. That's crazy.

[Jay]

You know what?

[Big J Okerson]

I got gangrene took off half a brow.

[Jay]

Give me some of them nice fancy safety clips.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Not these cheap ones.

[Jay]

They keep getting infected.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex, where our points at?

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

In last place with two points, Big J Okerson.

[Big J Okerson]

I got on a plane to come here. I came here on a plane.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

In fourth place with three points, Chris Porter.

[Brittney Ross]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Number four.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

In third place with four points, Court McCown

[Court McCown]

Lewis.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

In second place with five points, Brittany Ross. And in the lead with six points, Louis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

I do not want you to take home. A perfect fit. Where Josie and Will work closely together. The pressure of saving her company mixes with their complicated history. Their dynamic shifts from tense and guarded to something more personal as old wounds and growing attraction collide in a middle of high stakes decisions. It's real out here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We are halfway through today's show and it truly is anyone's game at this point. But let's do some real quick plugs with the panel and then we're gonna get into the second half. Court, what are you plugging, my friend?

[Court McCown]

I do a monthly show right next door called the Comedy Ramble. We do comedy music together. Tonight we had Mr. Chris Porter close it out with some music. We have some of the best musicians in Nashville and the best comics. We put them all on the same stage. Come to the fucking show. It's great.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Brittney Ross.

[Brittney Ross]

I just did my Opry debut last night at the Opry, which was really fun, and I'm doing Netflix as a joke in Los Angeles.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Very cool. Amazing.

[Jay]

I got nothing. I have multiple specials on Amazon prime that are old and you can watch them. And then I. I have a new one coming out and I don't know when that is, but I did record it a year ago today, so not promising it.

[Big J Okerson]

It came up in your Facebook memories.

[Jay]

Yeah, it was like, remember this?

[Big J Okerson]

Got the special on the camera.

[Jay]

Remember you shot a special and no one showed up?

[Big J Okerson]

Big J. Bigjaycompany.com for all my dates, listen to the Bonfire faction talk series XM103 with me and the great Robert Kelly. And of course, Legion of Skanks. The flagship show over here at Gas Digital and Story wars. Gonna be also at Netflix, the joke festival.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, very Excited about that? Come see us on the road, guys. Lewisofskangs.com is my website. Sign up for my mailing list, check out all the other pods and most

[Big J Okerson]

importantly, if you love the show, we

[Louis J. Gomez]

do an uncensored and ad free version of the show for subscribers to gas digital. Gas digital.com 10 years now in the making, the the home of uncensored and ad free comedy. If you guys love the show, you can subscribe. Watch it as a pre release every Monday night before it goes anywhere else. Plus there's a bunch of episodes that are no longer available on YouTube or anywhere else that they're exclusive for gas digital subscribers. Gas.com use the promo code WAR. Save a couple bucks a month. It supports the show direct.

[Big J Okerson]

Now we've reached the second half of our show and let me see. Big J, you're probably feeling pretty shitty right now. Probably feeling like you're out of this game. But no, this game is very much still in my hands. I still could be taking home this book because as we all know, if you know, you know, for the second half we go double points. Oh, no one's over there. It really shines a light that no one showed up there.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's also, you're trying to throw something that doesn't have much throwability.

[Jay]

You gotta whip it like a free throw.

[Big J Okerson]

It really hurts. Those tables are reserved for someone who reserved them and chose not to come.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Jay]

Look at her.

[Big J Okerson]

Yay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Look at those. Look at those titties. Holy.

[Big J Okerson]

She could have. God damn.

[Court McCown]

Double points. Double points.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You don't get to say it off.

[Court McCown]

That was good.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know, it was a good. It was a good joke. But you don't get to trigger double points. You've never. You've never won the game. Only story warriors can do that.

[Court McCown]

Thank you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But if you win tonight, you can.

[Court McCown]

Okay, so if I win, you guys will laugh at that later on your way home. Okay. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

They couldn't even pro. They couldn't even process the joke.

[Court McCown]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Because they. Yeah. But I'll tell you, if you win tonight, you want you become an owner of double points. Right in your face, lady. Catch. Idiot. I just sent mine in a no man's land. Fury road over there. All right, let's roll. Alex, please. Story number five.

[Jay]

Make it be

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

story number five. I was a Runway model for several years.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

I never got with a big agency, so it never went anywhere.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay. I mean, it's definitely core. That's what you say right away for sure.

[Brittney Ross]

Like, can't you I was with every

[Court McCown]

big agency in LA year after year after year. It was the cocaine that brought me down. It was never that, you know.

[Jay]

Wait, in modeling, cocaine is what makes you good, right?

[Court McCown]

Yeah, but it makes you a little jittery. Can't really sit still for the camera. You know what I'm saying?

[Louis J. Gomez]

A Runway model.

[Brittney Ross]

There's something.

[Court McCown]

I think this is. I think this is Brittany all day long.

[Brittney Ross]

Because I'm 5:1, I can't be a Runway model.

[Court McCown]

I'm too sure you could be a children's Runway model.

[Big J Okerson]

That is a great argument for why it's not her. When I was just like, let's kill some time before we say her. She's five foot.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't think she's the wrong model. She's very pretty, but I think there's something to this. That's funny.

[Big J Okerson]

You were saying she's not hot enough for a Runway model. That's up. No one even thought that until you said that.

[Brittney Ross]

Yeah, thanks a lot.

[Big J Okerson]

That was crazy the way you said that. He goes, no, she's fine. But like, you know, she's very beautiful,

[Louis J. Gomez]

but she's not tall enough to be a Runway model.

[Big J Okerson]

Good backpedal.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Say, but hold on. But Runway model. We might be thinking of it the wrong way. So it could be like Runway model. Like maybe it was Big J and he was modeling as an airplane.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I thought you were saying that I would model the clothes of the guys who wave fucking things in. It's just me in the. Yeah, it's me in the catalog wearing like reflective vests and shit.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Put your arms out to the sides like an airplane. I want to see it.

[Big J Okerson]

We're not allowed to vote for ourselves, but I want to vote for me after that. Dude, I should have done that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Porter, you're tall, you're handsome.

[Jay]

Oh, both are accurate.

[Big J Okerson]

You consider height.

[Jay]

I don't really have much to say. It probably is me. I'm hot as everyone wants to me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Everyone knows that.

[Big J Okerson]

Lewis, you believe that Chris could be a roaming medal before Britney, you piece of.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Britney is adorable and she's was molested when she was a child. So she's got problems. We know this.

[Jay]

Also, if you see my legs, they're pretty great.

[Court McCown]

She could. She could have been Runway model for. For the belly rings.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that's true.

[Jay]

I mean, they probably like, she was in some pedophile show.

[Court McCown]

I didn't say that. You said that. I didn't say that.

[Big J Okerson]

Is there Runway modeling beyond fashion modeling? Would that be for like.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't know, we were idiots.

[Court McCown]

You could have been a Runway model in a Texas mall.

[Brittney Ross]

I was a Runway model. So this is not me. When I was very little, when I was like 70 years old, I was a Runway model.

[Court McCown]

There it is.

[Brittney Ross]

South America.

[Big J Okerson]

How many years in South America? Oh, you are tall there.

[Brittney Ross]

Yeah, yeah. It was in Bogota, Colombia.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh yeah.

[Brittney Ross]

Killer career.

[Big J Okerson]

Those people are short. They try to stay away from the sun.

[Brittney Ross]

And then I realized I'm too short.

[Jay]

But, but Lewis has that hot felon thing. You know what I'm like, remember when

[Big J Okerson]

that I would have known if Lewis did Runway modeling and some it would

[Jay]

have come up to be Court, I

[Court McCown]

think I know it's definitely not me, but I'm gonna say I'm going Britney for sure. 100%. No doubt about it.

[Jay]

See, I don't like it just seems

[Big J Okerson]

too on the nose. Yeah, yeah, I know. Does Alex like go. She had the chance to go through

[Jay]

Change the world cuz I'm Court. You know what I'm saying? He's a good looking. I'm not like if, like if I was going to go that way and I needed a list of dudes, he'd be on it for a number.

[Court McCown]

Thank you very much, Chris. I appreciate that.

[Jay]

Welcome.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean this, none of this makes sense.

[Brittney Ross]

You have to be like 5 10, 5, 11 to be a Runway model. So I'm like quite a bit too short.

[Court McCown]

Not a chance. She. She modeled children's. Children's clothes or children's bathing suit.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, she did it. She did admit to being a Runway model. Yes.

[Brittney Ross]

Yeah, but why would I?

[Court McCown]

Yeah, just throwing you under that. Just like you did with your like bullshit about, you know, like piercing your eye with a thing and then it

[Big J Okerson]

was you with your.

[Jay]

Yeah, you liar.

[Big J Okerson]

Sick.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Who do we think it is? What are you thinking, sir? What are you thinking? Me from a different universe. Multiverse me. What are you thinking? You're thinking it's corn.

[Court McCown]

Why?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Because you're attracted to him.

[Big J Okerson]

Why'd you say no like that? That was a weird way to say no.

[Court McCown]

Hey,

[Big J Okerson]

did he say he liked me?

[Louis J. Gomez]

What are you thinking, sir? You're saying Court as well? Why are you saying he's got good teeth.

[Brittney Ross]

He does have silver fox, bro. He's got a lot of hair. He already showed us he knows how to show off his hair.

[Jay]

You know he's plowed it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, I'm going, I'm going with the audience. They're thinking it's Court. I'm saying it's Court. No, no, no, no.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

No, story number five.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, no. You were not a Runway model.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Big, you just lost.

[Big J Okerson]

Come on. That's a pretty big come up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It doesn't say. It doesn't say that models would run away from you. What is this story about you being a Runway model that no one's ever heard before? Jay, please enlighten us with this story

[Big J Okerson]

that make you feel good. You're currently overweight. My mother was a manager for many years at Smalls Formal Wear, a little tuxedo rental place. And they would do their shows, their fashion shows. And I was in the ring bear tuxedos. And I would go on weekends and model with a little.

[Court McCown]

With a little flower photos of.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hold on, hold on. That's not a Runway model.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, it is. I walked in a rock. It was a fashion show.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You went to. You did fashion shows.

[Big J Okerson]

Fashion shows.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Fashion for several years.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but like little. Yeah, little ring bear size. Facts are facts. Yo, I got the. I got pictures of my phone. Approved it. I 1000% have pictures of my phone to prove it. I believe you, little tuxedo boy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I believe you.

[Big J Okerson]

I know you do. Ooh, that felt really good.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, you make me sick.

[Court McCown]

Oh, boy.

[Big J Okerson]

Why don't we talk about that swing?

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

In last place with three points.

[Jay]

Damn it.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Chris Porter.

[Jay]

Started so hot.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

In fourth place with four points, Court McCown. In third place with five points, Brittany Ross

[Brittney Ross]

down.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Going down in second place with six points, Luis J. Gomez. And in the lead with 10 points, Big J Okerson.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This could be a day you guys could be here for a monumental evening. The rare, elusive Big J. Okerson win. He takes very possible in round number five.

[Big J Okerson]

It's very possible, man. I'd like to thank a few people. I like to thank the Lord Christ, whoever. Is there a name for Jew God. Jew God. And of course, most importantly, I want to thank. Double points. Beefy.

All right, folks, let's take a quick moment to thank one of our longtime sponsors, which is sheath underwear. Best underwear on the planet. This is all I wear. Look right here. You see them? I'm not around. I genuinely wear sheath non stop. Just incredible colors, style, the feel, moisture, wicking. If you use them to work out as well. But honestly, the big differentiator, which a lot of people are copying this now is they have two pouches, one for your dick, one for your balls. It keeps everything together. But separate, you're never going to look better in a pair of underwear. And you're never going to feel better while wearing your underwear.

It's fantastic.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

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[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Plus you get a sheath underwear 100% money back guarantee. There is literally no risk. Give them a shot.

[Big J Okerson]

See how much your dick and balls

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

are going to appreciate you. I'd say they give you a round of applause, but they're not touching each other. That's sheathunderwear.com promo code wars with a Z right now.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, story warriors, take a moment right now and check out Body Brain Coffee, your number one functional coffee brand. Not just regular coffee, but Colombian freeze dried premium coffee that's blended with powerful nootropics and adaptogens that are going to help you feel like the best, best version of yourself. It's got Tonka Ali, Lion's mane, Ashwagandha and L Theanine blended in. Perfect, perfect combo. That's gonna help you with your hormonal balance, your mood and overall, your mental clarity and focus. Jay, I know you've been taking it right up your ass, but you should know right now we are actually about to start our pre sale for the creamer. Creamer Pre sale starts May 4, so you don't have to put it in your ass anymore. Jay, you can just take that. I know you're not a coffee fan, but you can take the creamer and put it in your favorite Starbucks drink, which you love.

No, I'll be putting this up my ass as well. You see. And by the way, I should tell you, I'm enjoying a cup right now as we speak.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You seem so clear, so clear headed and energetic.

[Big J Okerson]

Very clear.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

But I'm not gonna lie, it gets

[Big J Okerson]

a little dry in there.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

So the creamer really could help set things straight in there. I think this was maybe your greatest business move ever.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, look, it's a game changer.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You could drink it hot, cold, you

[Big J Okerson]

could put it in a protein shake, however you want to drink it. I wouldn't suggest taking it in your ass, but Jay. So who knows if that works?

[Louis J. Gomez]

It could work for you.

[Big J Okerson]

Coffee enemas are actually a thing.

Let's go alive.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Try the coffee.

[Big J Okerson]

The creamer is a completely different stack so you can pre order the creamer. We're doing this pretty cool thing right now though. If you guys go to bodybraincoffee.com use the promo code WAR20WAR20. We're going to give you 20 off a bag of Body Brain coffee.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Right.

[Big J Okerson]

But check this out. If you subscribe to receive it every single month, you're getting 20% off, you're getting free shipping and we're going to send you a five pack sample of the creamer before it is available anywhere else. We're starting our Pre sale on May 4th. The creamer is going to ship in June. You're going to get it right now. We have it in stock. It's going to be shipped to you right away. So right now go to bodybringcoffee.com use that promo code WAR20 for 20% off today. All right, where were we?

Alex, Story number six.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number six. My mom made me get a haircut before I hosted the fifth grade talent show. It was so bad that I ran away from home for two days until after the talent show was over.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is Britney. This is when she.

[Brittney Ross]

No, my mom like supported whatever I wanted to do. She didn't make me do things.

[Big J Okerson]

I believe that. I also think your mom would ever make you get a haircut for cut. You got to cut your hair before a performance.

[Jay]

A stage mom would definitely do that.

[Court McCown]

Yeah, I think you got. And also like, yeah, it's allowing her

[Jay]

to get a belly button ring at 11 because she got a C. It's definitely making her get a haircut she doesn't want.

[Court McCown]

And she looks like.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel, I feel like they would make her get a hair. Whatever haircut she wanted to get. They. It was a lawless society over there. She was sucking and, and.

[Jay]

But she's also in fifth.

[Big J Okerson]

She didn't say that. But that's right. That's in my mind. I went there.

[Jay]

I mean, the belly button ring says that.

[Big J Okerson]

She already has a belly button ring at 11. Come on, dude. Yeah, she's. You're definitely chugging balls.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't know.

[Court McCown]

The fifth grade. Fifth grade talent show makes me think Brittany probably.

[Brittney Ross]

I think this is Court again.

[Court McCown]

Well, if I made it to fifth grade, that would be something.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But yeah, Court. When Court was in the fifth grade, it was one schoolhouse with every grade from kindergarten. Exactly, exactly.

[Big J Okerson]

It was a different time. His brother's wife died. He had to leave school and take on his family. Did you ever see Deadwood? What shows were you in?

[Court McCown]

No, my parents would I'm trying to think if I ever let. My dad was the one that took me to get haircuts so my mom wouldn't make me get shit,

[Brittney Ross]

I don't know. Abusive into your hair.

[Court McCown]

What's that?

[Brittney Ross]

You seem into your hair. So I feel like you would be upset if you had to get a haircut.

[Jay]

No, I feel like this might be a J thing.

[Big J Okerson]

My mother didn't even see me come do comedy until I was 17 years in. You think she came to my talent show and gave a.

[Court McCown]

This doesn't.

[Jay]

This doesn't say she winch. This said she made you get a bad haircut.

[Big J Okerson]

She wouldn't give a. My mom let me get a rat tail and diet blonde. She was checked out, dude. She was trying to find me a father.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It also says ran away from home. Jay was not running when he was a kid. That didn't.

[Big J Okerson]

I did, But I did. But I ran to my mom. Mom's.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah. No, I walked swiftly away from home.

[Court McCown]

I did.

[Big J Okerson]

And I packed light because I knew it was going to be uphill. Most of it. I packed light. Yeah, I think it's Chris.

[Brittney Ross]

Yeah, I think it's Chris, too.

[Big J Okerson]

And Chris has short, sleek hair now. But Chris for a long time had big, crazy hair. His hair meant something to him.

[Court McCown]

That's right.

[Big J Okerson]

And he did that in rebellion because of his mom and what she did before she eventually shut up everybody at her job.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Chris Porter.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I like the logic. And I got a big J's in the lead right now, so I gotta stick with the big man. Chris Porter's my vote. Everyone votes for Chris Porter. Chris writing Britney. He looks sad. He looks dejected.

[Jay]

Read the thing.

[Big J Okerson]

Read the thing, alex.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number six belongs to Court McCown.

[Court McCown]

Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Yeah. I was in fifth grade. I had to host the talent show. My mom took me to get this haircut. The guy gave me one of those stupid bowl cuts. Like, literally the bowl cut. And it was so bad. I was like, there's no way I'm going to school looking like this. She goes, you're going to school and you're hosting that show. I was like, fuck off. And I took off for two days. Stayed at my buddy Braxton's house in the backyard. First time you did gay stuff.

[Louis J. Gomez]

First time you did gay stuff.

[Court McCown]

Second time. But that was like, first time with the bowl cut where it felt natural, you know?

[Jay]

Oh, that's the most standby I've ever heard.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is genuinely anyone's game. We keep on having some sort of swings here. Alex, where our points at?

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

All right. In last place with three points, Chris Porter. In fourth place with five points, Brittany Ross. In third place with six points, Luis J. Gomez. In second place with 10 points, Big J Okerson.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't care.

[Big J Okerson]

It was good. White last. Who gives a shot?

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

And in the lead with 12 points.

[Jay]

Court everybody.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Anybody's game. Two more stories. Nashville. You guys having a good time?

[Big J Okerson]

I knew they'd wake up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Then without further ado, Alex, story number seven.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number seven. I had sex with someone with a surprising tramp stamp.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

I hope it's Britney. That'd be great. You think it's her mom and her mom's tramp stamp was her name. Well, that would be surprising.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Brittany. Brittany got a tramp stamp for her christening actually.

[Big J Okerson]

You sat there so still while the priest dunked your head. Yes, of course you can get a clit ring. The Lord's.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Now for the first communion she was given a nipple piercing.

[Court McCown]

I'm wondering. Surprising tramp stamp.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes, surprising tramp stamp.

[Court McCown]

Surprising tramp stamp is what is interesting to me here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, well. Yeah, well, I mean that's why it seems like it's Britney. Because it's surprising that a man would have one. It wouldn't be surprising for a woman to have one unless it said something surprising. What if it just said the N word?

[Big J Okerson]

It's also has that to do with.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I would be very surprised. I'm like that's surprising.

[Big J Okerson]

What does the story have to do with fashion? Is the tattoo of Anna Wintour. Anna Wintour. Devil Wears Prada.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think. I think.

[Big J Okerson]

Hang on. Lewis, go ahead. Anna Wintour, if you would please for a second, please.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Sorry, I apologize. Anna, try it at my microphone.

[Big J Okerson]

Anna Wintour,

[Louis J. Gomez]

your microphone. The funny was taken out of it.

[Court McCown]

It.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, that was the best. David tell. Let's turn this to funny.

[Brittney Ross]

I used to love that.

[Court McCown]

This is. This is awful vague. It could be. It could be anyone.

[Jay]

And cuz we're all of an age where train like when we were young, tramp stamps were the thing. They were.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They're making. They're making a way back right now. They're.

[Court McCown]

But I never was surprised. I was never surprised by a tramp stamp. No, I mean I saw one that a girl had a horseshoe that said Lucky you. And I was like oh shit. That's not surprising.

[Big J Okerson]

It's spelled E W E.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That was good. That was good.

[Big J Okerson]

Now here's the thing. Maybe while she was young. Maybe you're right for her high school Graduation. Her parents got her room to have sex with a girl or a guy, possibly. That's the thing. Surprising tramp stamp. Might be because it was a guy who got a funny tramp stamp stamp with his friends. We know people have done that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Julian.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Julian McCullough has a tramp stamp and a belly button thing. Now he's Nate's right hand man.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Julian McCall has a butterfly tramp stamp. It's the funniest.

[Big J Okerson]

Belly button. The butterfly. Yeah. And then. But he's Nate's right hand man. Make sure you write to cbs.

[Court McCown]

I don't know. This is a tough one because it's not. There's not a lot of information there. So it could just go, I'm, I'm.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm going. Brittany. It's just only thing that makes sense right now.

[Brittney Ross]

I think it's court.

[Court McCown]

Yeah. You're way off.

[Jay]

J. And it was some ugly chick that like had a Chinese man.

[Big J Okerson]

What the is that supposed to mean? Pretty girls have liked me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Pretty girls have like. Some fucking cow. We. I mean, the voting all over the place. In round seven, Alex, whose story was story number seven.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number seven belongs to Brittney Ross.

[Court McCown]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Damn it.

[Brittney Ross]

It was the obvious answer, you guys. When I was in college, I had sex with a guy who had a tramp stamp that. It was like slightly to the side, but it, it was the Bible verse and it said like, like I can, you know, that through Christ, all things. Something like all things are possible. I don't know. He was just really spreading the word of God every time he bent over, you know.

[Court McCown]

Were you pegging, Were you pegging him at the time?

[Brittney Ross]

No, but he was. He was. Was really out of my league, though. He told me he was out of my league at the time, so.

[Big J Okerson]

He told you?

[Brittney Ross]

Yeah, that's how I found out.

[Big J Okerson]

That's not very Christlike.

[Brittney Ross]

Yeah, I mean that thing you found

[Louis J. Gomez]

out that he was out of your league. He told you?

[Brittney Ross]

Yeah, yeah, he told me.

[Jay]

Dirty talk.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wait, that's when you were in college. You don't deserve me.

[Jay]

College in Houston.

[Big J Okerson]

He had a surprising back back tattoo that said lucky you with a horseshoe.

[Brittney Ross]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How hot was this guy that he was out of your league? Cause you're hot now, but I'm assuming Kyle's.

[Brittney Ross]

I was just trying to make up for the fact that you said I'm not a mom. No, he was very good looking.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Really?

[Jay]

Do you want to see the tattoo?

[Brittney Ross]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Still wears it with pride after all the pain it's caused Alex.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Seven stories Down. Where are our points at that very close game?

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

All right. In last place with three points, Chris Porter.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

In fourth place with seven points, Brittany Ross.

[Brittney Ross]

Yay.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

In third place with 10 points, Louis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

That's fine.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

In second place with 14 points, Big J. Okerson. And in the lead with 16 points, Court McCown.

[Jay]

Yeah, buddy.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God. Who takes home Perfect Fit, which is both a workplace romance and a story about ambition. It explores burnout, control, and what happens when the life you built to look perfect no longer feels like it fits.

[Louis J. Gomez]

One more story. Alex. Story number eight.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number eight. In seventh grade, I climbed the rope in gym. And on the way down, the rope caught my shorts and exposed me to the class.

[Court McCown]

Definitely not Jay. Definitely not Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

You're not wrong about that. That would have had to happen by

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

somebody pantsing me when I was hanging

[Big J Okerson]

from the Chin Up Bar.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It would be. If this was Jay, it would be the most mortifying story of his life.

[Big J Okerson]

Me and Lewis both. I know how we feel about our dicks. And if this was a story and

[Louis J. Gomez]

climbing a rope, it would be the worst thing ever.

[Big J Okerson]

I can't. Yeah. The one thing I can't do, son, about the one thing I would never want to have happen, happening back to back. This would be the thing where me and Lewis was like. Our life was like, you know, before Christ. And after, it was like it would have been before that day. He goes, yeah. I mean, everything was going pretty great until that day. My fucking dick came out when I fell down the rope.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, I wouldn't even. I can climb the rope so little. Like, it wouldn't even. People wouldn't even see it. I'm just at the bottom of the rope.

[Big J Okerson]

At my bachelor party, a bunch of my friends saw my dick, and I see my life is before. And after that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was delightful. It was. It wasn't even that Jay has a small dick.

[Big J Okerson]

I was nervous.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, that's what it was. Jay was embarrassed. And these strippers were trying to pull his dick out. And then his dick started going like, hey, I don't want to be out. And started hiding further and further into his body.

[Big J Okerson]

And all I was doing is. While they were wrestling, he was thinking, I think I could stop them, but just in case, get hard. And you can't. No, you can't do both. It's. It's.

[Jay]

You're dick does not like to be told what to do.

[Big J Okerson]

This thing right here, they got. And when they got it out, everyone, strippers, reacted like. Like they just witnessed something terrible.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Happen to somebody, dude, they got his dick out.

[Big J Okerson]

They let me roll around and, like, be on my own.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And everyone was like, hey, man, we were all having so much fun. They pulled his dick out. Like, nobody even made fun of him. It was just so sad that we all just acted like it didn't happen for a few years.

[Big J Okerson]

It was such an upsetting situation that everybody first, second went, if that was me, I would hope everyone would be cool right now. Like, I'm not going to be the first to make the joke.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Because a room full of 50 comedians,

[Big J Okerson]

nobody, nobody tell Patrice O'.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Neal, nobody made fun of him. We were literally like Mount Rushmore.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone just went dead silent and just let me roll around, be a victim for a minute and just get my collect myself. And that's always one of our best stories, is that I went downstairs after that and started hanging out and having a good time. It was great. And. And years later on Legion of Skanks, one episode, I was like, you know what's crazy? I always thought that was such a big deal. But, you know, after that happened, I went downstairs and was having drinks, and I came back up. Like nobody was talking about it all. He goes, oh, no, dude. You were downstairs for a while. Everybody was talking. It's all they would talk about.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We talked about it like, we had, like. We had seen, like, war. We were smoking cigarettes in a circle.

[Big J Okerson]

Like, everybody talked about it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

See, as a little kid.

[Big J Okerson]

Everybody kept talking about not talking about it ever again. All right, guys, let's get it out now, because we can't even. We just gotta erase this from our memory, dude. Men in Black.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So this is how I know.

[Big J Okerson]

Or Lewis.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Not my stuff.

[Big J Okerson]

You fucking tiny dick idiot. It's definitely not Lewis. If it's Lewis, I'll kill myself on stage.

[Jay]

This all seems like a lot of diversion.

[Big J Okerson]

I. Oh, no, that's just. This is kind of just me and his dynamic.

[Court McCown]

I'm gonna go with it.

[Big J Okerson]

If it's Lewis, I'll kill myself.

[Jay]

But also Court, like in the 60s, that's when they climbed ropes.

[Big J Okerson]

That's when the Presidential challenge did mean something.

[Court McCown]

But he grew up in Kansas, and they're in the. They were in the 60s and the eight, the 80s. So, you know, I'm going with Chris Porter. I'm going with Chris.

[Jay]

Could it be Britney?

[Court McCown]

Because what's she gonna expose? A tramp stamp? A ring, you know, I mean, why was she embarrassed at that point?

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was. It was a seventh grade. She did have a tribal Ross.

[Big J Okerson]

Put your snatch away in Jim again. Sorry, boys. Stupid rope. Caught my bloomers again. Why is this?

[Court McCown]

I know you're looking for a tennis bracelet, but put your clothes on.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's go.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They saw Britney's anal beads that were

[Brittney Ross]

hanging out of her coming down the road.

[Big J Okerson]

Caught the rope. Threads.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oopsie.

[Big J Okerson]

Stupid me. Can I get a hundred, please?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, look, it's. It's definitely. Look, I'm very confident it's not this side of the table.

[Jay]

I don't know, you guys had like.

[Court McCown]

I think it's Chris Porter.

[Big J Okerson]

I think it's Chris Porter. I'm gonna tell you what, Chris.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Climbing the rope in gym classes, that's something they make. I feel like that in my generation. They stopped making kids do it because it was so difficult to do.

[Big J Okerson]

They said we were supposed to do it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They don't do it anymore, right?

[Jay]

It wasn't that hard.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that's exactly it.

[Brittney Ross]

It's Chris.

[Big J Okerson]

It's Chris. Because Chris also, he's tall and slim. And no matter if any of his dick isn't huge, it looks big on his slim, tight body. And for those reasons, I'm saying it is fucking Chris Porter for sure. He could climb the rope. If his dick came out. It wouldn't be a story that would fucking define him like it would us

[Jay]

do. Have a nice dick.

[Big J Okerson]

Who'd you put?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Everyone. Put Porter except for Chris.

[Jay]

Well, this isn't good.

[Big J Okerson]

Think outside the box.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I have to think outside the box. Think outside the box.

[Big J Okerson]

Follow your heart.

[Jay]

I just feel like there was a lot of.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Look, everyone on that side of the table could climb the rope in. Jim.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm proud of you, son.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How old are you, Chris?

[Jay]

47.

[Louis J. Gomez]

47, damn.

[Jay]

So, I mean, I'm as old as you, right?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm 44. We're similar in age, but I feel like that's right. That when they started cutting off, off like they climb their open gym class. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. When your dick popped out, they're like, this is it. This is the last time we're allowing this to happen.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, damn, girls, it's happened again. My long penis came out.

[Jay]

Someone get up here and put this away.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's see. I mean, here we go. Chris Porter's my vote.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Story number eight belongs to Chris Porter.

[Jay]

Yep. I. It was.

[Big J Okerson]

That was about how everyone was in amazement at your dick flapping around, slapping your thighs and belly button.

[Jay]

It was like the, you know, late 80s, early 90s. Remember Umbro shorts were, like, super popular.

[Big J Okerson]

Those not for my size. That's why they made jorts. Dog.

[Jay]

Well, umbros and boxers, like, those kind of came at the same time in my age group, so I was wearing both. And I was sliding back down the rope, and it caught the curtain and my balls came out. And in my head, I'm like, no one's watching me climb the rope. So I just kind of kicked them back, kicked the shorts back to where they needed to be and finish.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The fucking agility of a superhero. You do it with one arm. Fucking.

[Jay]

I'll tell you what, I fucking got my balls back to being covered, and then I walked out and I looked at the gym teacher, and he was just like, okay. And then I look over my buddies, and they're all like, what's up, dude? I'm like, fuck.

[Big J Okerson]

Can I?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

That was crazy. And I can't believe you didn't feel it too. I have never. There. I couldn't think of a scenario of pants being pulled down where my balls came out. And my little dork didn't just buzz out with it all. His dick was so big, it was able to stay up in his shit. His fucking fat ball.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This story is presented by Sheath Underwear.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, dude. Okay, Chris, you're the alpha dog here. What do we order on our pizza? You tell us. You make the order, and we'll see what you like. Wow. What the was that? That was crazy. And then my balls came out. Thank God my dick was tucked way up with my big, dangling fat balls, you know? 16, 17. This is nuts. Oh, that bummed me out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If my. If my. If my balls and dick came out while I was up there, I would let go of the rope and drop to my death.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I'd rather. Yeah, I would see if I could spike my head to the ground. I want to see if I could jackknife real quick and go just head right to the hardwood.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There's no way.

[Big J Okerson]

Bring me there. Somebody pull my pants up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Alex, eight stories down. I actually genuinely have no idea who won this. Where are our final, final points at?

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

All right, in last place, narrowly escaping the lowest score in Story wars history with three points, Chris Porter.

[Jay]

That's Big Dick Chris Porter.

[Court McCown]

He's got a huge cock. It doesn't matter.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Doesn't matter.

[Court McCown]

He's a huge cock.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

In fourth place with 11 points, Brittney Ross.

[Brittney Ross]

Yeah.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

In third place with 14 points, Luis J. Gomez.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Very respectable score.

[Alex (Producer/Scorekeeper)]

Second place, scored 18 points. And your winner tonight with 20 points, Court McCowan.

[Court McCown]

I just want to thank all you people. This I never could have done it without you guys. And yeah, dude, I'm a happy man now. I'm a happy man.

[Big J Okerson]

Go on, say it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Double points.

[Big J Okerson]

Court McCown, you now have the forever pleasure of being able to trigger dp. Not double penetration, but the other one.

[Court McCown]

Hey, you know I'm gonna treasure points. Come on.

[Big J Okerson]

What an amazing game. Wow. That came right down to the wire. Yes. Send it. I want a big, big thank you to our amazing lineup here today. Make some noise for Britney Ross,

[Court McCown]

Of

[Big J Okerson]

course, Chris Porter, your newest story, Warrior One. And oh, Court Macau. Thank you guys for checking out story wars. I'm big j okerson.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm louis j. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

Until next time.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Peace.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

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