098. Becky Lynch, Harland Williams, Mark Normand | Temptations

Summary

Story Warz Ep. 098: Becky Lynch, Harland Williams, Mark Normand | "Temptations"

Date: June 19, 2026
Location: The Stand Comedy Club, NYC (Recorded LIVE at Netflix Is a Joke Festival, LA)

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Episode Overview

This episode of Story Warz brings together hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Luis J. Gomez with guests Becky Lynch (13-time WWE Women’s Champion), Harland Williams (comedian/actor), and Mark Normand (comedian, host of Tuesdays with Stories) for a wild, irreverent game of deceptive storytelling themed around “Temptations.” The panel spins stories of criminal mischief, food theft, sexual exploits, and personal confessions, while trying to trick each other (and the live audience) into misidentifying who told each tale. Becky Lynch delivers a breakout performance, surprising everyone with her comic timing, dark confessions, and competitive edge.

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Game Setup and Rules ([08:17])

• Players: Each panelist submits 3-5 personal stories related to the episode theme ("Temptations").
• Moderator (Alex): Randomly selects 8 stories to read aloud.
• Objective: Guess whose story is being read or convince others it isn't yours.
• Scoring:
  • 2 points for correctly guessing the storyteller
  • 1 point for successfully fooling each other panelist when it’s your story
• New Rule: Audience can’t yell out story sources or spoil guesses. ([09:08])

Notable Quote

“You’re playing along as well. Don’t chime in… We’re not playing for fun… Jay, let ‘em know what we’re playing for.” — Luis J. Gomez ([09:14])

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Stories

1. Temptations—Food, Theft, and Deceit

Story 1: The Cookie Dough Caper

Summary: Sneaking down at night to eat out of a cousin’s freezer full of cookie dough.
Panel Speculation:

• Multiple guesses (Harland, Mark, Jay—fat jokes).
• Becky Lynch insists, “Cookie dough isn’t a thing in Ireland.”
• Surprise twist—it’s Becky Lynch, who lived in Vancouver:

  “Unbelievable. It changed my life.” — Becky Lynch ([18:34])

Story 2: The Deodorant Heist

Summary: Tempting a roommate to steal a fancy deodorant, then everyone gets interrogated and friendships end.
Panel Snark:

• Jay: “What is expensive deodorant?”
• Becky: “Very small selection in Ireland.”
• Reveal: Lewis J. Gomez confesses:

  “Me and my buddy Forrest… we were just broke, like nineteen year olds…” ([28:18])

Story 3: Airplane Vigilante Fantasy

Summary: The temptation to commandeer the intercom mid-flight and threaten terrorists.
Panel Guess:

• Universal suspicion—Harland Williams or Mark.
• Becky’s flight attendant past emerges:

  “I have always thought, like, a German suplex would be a good way…” — Becky Lynch ([36:04])

• Reveal: Harland Williams.

  “If anyone on this plane tries fucking anything, I’m not afraid to die. I’m a hockey playing Canadian boy.” ([42:04])

Story 4: The Major Crime Proposal

Summary: Offered $5,000 to do a crime but called off at the last minute.
Panel Debate:

• Jay: “Can I tell you Jay… is a pussy.”
• Reveal: It’s again Luis J. Gomez.

  “Pizzeria owner… was like, ‘Yeah, we need to burn this place down.’… We were going to ruin my life.” ([53:06])

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2. Shockingly Dark or Hilarious Reveals

Story 5: Peanut Butter Dealbreaker

Summary: Ending a relationship because partner ate all the rare, expensive peanut butter.

• Harland suspects “partner” means it's Becky.
• Reveal: Becky Lynch, with passionate defense:

  “I love this peanut butter… The betrayal, the absolute betrayal.” ([71:22])

Story 6: Sleeping with the Professor

Summary: At 22, had sex with a college professor during what was allegedly a dinner party.

• All signs point to Mark Normand.
• “She made up the whole thing. It was a ruse just to fuck you I guess. But we ate the food.” ([85:40])

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3. Hungry for More (More Food & Depravity)

Story 7: The Dinner Theft

Summary: Stealing a stranger’s abandoned hotel meal.

• Jay protests his stereotype, Becky giggles.
• “My first instinct was Harland, but I have Becky because she is unraveling.” — Big Jay ([93:02])
• Reveal: It’s Big Jay.

  “Late night… someone had a delivery from Steak n Shake… There’s gotta be some kind of cosmic rule—I’m taking it.” ([98:53])

Story 8: Bookathon Charity Scam

Summary: Lying about book sales, then skimming $5 for ice cream.

• Several accusations (mostly at Luis and Becky).
• Reveal: Becky Lynch confesses:

  “It was to raise money for the school...I didn’t even get to eat my ice cream. My dad took the fiver.” ([112:31])

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Becky’s Lying Skills:

  “We just found out Becky Lynch is a liar. A good one.” — Jay, (17:51)

• On Self-esteem & Body Image:

  “All night, everyone’s been telling me how thin I look since I’ve been here last. But Becky Lynch just met me tonight, so I’m still just fat to her.” — Big Jay ([16:51])

• On Competitive Edge:

  “I love winning.” — Becky Lynch ([18:09])

• On Gendered Food Sins:

  “Anything to do with food...it’s her.” — Harland Williams ([88:30])

• Mark’s Professor Seduction:

  “She goes, I want you to come on my face… So we banged. We banged for hours. She was on her period… it was a real bloodbath in there.” — Mark Normand ([85:08])

• On Charity and Scam:

  “You indirectly stole from dying children, Becky… and that is the type of attitude you need to be a 13-time women’s WWE champion.” — Luis J. Gomez ([112:04])

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Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | |:---------:|:-------------| | 08:17 | Story Warz rules/crowd engagement | | 11:17 | Story #1 - Cookie Dough Caper | | 19:01 | Round 1 scores: Becky leads | | 19:21 | Story #2 - Deodorant Heist | | 27:20 | Deodorant Tale revealed/Lewis confesses | | 34:07 | Story #3 - Airplane Intercom Temptation | | 41:16 | Harland Williams revealed/points update | | 45:49 | Story #4 - $5,000 Crime Plot | | 52:27 | Lewis confesses to arson plot/points updated | | 63:00 | 2nd half begins/double points (“war” intensifies) | | 70:12 | Story #5 - Peanut Butter Dealbreaker (Becky) | | 77:16 | Story #6 - Sex with College Professor (Mark) | | 87:51 | Story #7 - Stolen Dinner (Big Jay) | | 103:02 | Story #8 - School Bookathon Scam (Becky) | | 114:15 | Winners announced (Becky 1st, Luis 2nd, Mark 3rd) |

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Final Scores

| Participant | Points | Placement | |-------------------|--------|---------------| | Becky Lynch | 18 | Winner | | Luis J. Gomez | 15 | Runner-up | | Mark Normand | 14 | 3rd Place | | Big Jay Oakerson | 10 | 4th Place | | Harland Williams | 12 | 5th Place |

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Episode Highlights & Tone

• Rowdy live audience at the Netflix Is a Joke Festival sets an electric, party-like mood.
• Ruthless, constant roasting among panelists (especially about food, weight, and criminal pasts).
• Becky Lynch emerges as both a twist master and comedic talent, winning three rounds with food-related confessions and outfoxing seasoned comedians.
• Mark Norman’s college story leaves the room slack-jawed and howling.
• Harland Williams’ off-beat riffs (on Spam, Arby’s, and fake terrorist fighting) add a surreal, deadpan layer.
• Luis J. Gomez relishes being cast as the resident criminal—leaning into stories of theft and arson.
• Big Jay moans about his losing streak…until his Steak n Shake story lands.
• Memorable catchphrase:

  “You are the newest story warrior here, Becky Lynch!” — Big Jay ([114:42])

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Best Line to Summarize the Episode

“All your temptations are food… Have you never met a black guy?” — Big Jay Okerson, roasting Becky Lynch after her third food-related story ([111:43])

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Conclusion

Episode 98 of Story Warz is a riotous, competitive masterclass in comic storytelling, with Becky Lynch stunning everyone (and exposing her sweet tooth and competitive streak), Mark Normand bringing the dark college tales, Harland Williams supplying surreal non-sequiturs, and hosts Jay & Lewis keeping the panel on their toes. Each story bursts with twists and personality, sure to surprise even diehard fans.

If you missed this episode, you missed Becky becoming Story Warz’ first wrestler-champion, confessions of charity theft, a real-life arson plot, and a forbidden, bloody college romance—all in one jam-packed, laugh-out-loud night.

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For full scores, more stories, and all the infamous bits, listen to the full Story Warz Episode 98!

Transcript

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[Luis J. Gomez]

Before we start today's show, you should know you can check out me and Big J doing stand up comedy on the road in a city near you. I'm going to be in La Jolla, California, June 26th through 28th, and then right after that in July, I'll be in Baltimore, Maryland, Lafayette, Louisiana, Lake Charles, Louisiana and more. Get on the waiting list for comics at Mohegan Sun. We sold out two shows, but if you guys can get on the waiting list, try to come check us out doing story wars live there. And just go to my website, LewisofSganks.com to get tickets for all those shows.

[Big J Okerson]

And you go to bigjcomedy.com for all my dates. Greatest Yapper live tour happening now. Coming to a city near you, we have Buffalo, Harrisburg, Winnipeg, all on deck, Long Island Governor's Comedy club. Check it out. BigJComedy.com.

[Alex (Producer)]

fill her up.

[Harlan Williams]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Big J Okerson]

Ladies and gentlemen, live from Netflix is

[Luis J. Gomez]

a joke comedy festival and story wars with the story warriors, Big J Okerson and Louis Jake Oman.

[Big J Okerson]

Woo. What the fuck is up, Los Angeles? Netflix is a joke festival. Make some noise in here, please.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Sold out. Night two here at the Comedy Store. Los Angeles is back, baby. We thought it was dead here. We were never coming back. This is crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

Gavin Newsom. Gavin. I just saw him on Bill Maher once. I don't know if he's anything at all. What is up? Welcome to story wars, everybody. Second night, Netflix is a joke festival starting only 25 minutes late tonight. Sorry, lady. I know this is 12 hours past your bedtime.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's. That's Anne. She was here last night. I. I signed her book and I just wrote simply wanna smash.

[Big J Okerson]

Did she write back?

[Luis J. Gomez]

She posted it on Instagram today.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What a hoe.

[Big J Okerson]

What a slut. Oh my God, what a raging slut. We always ask this of every crowd. How many people here are familiar with the game Story wars.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And who is not familiar with the Game Story Wars. Get him out of here. Get somebody in here that wants to be here. You piece of shit. Shave his beard. Shave his beard. Shave his beard. Shave his beard.

[Big J Okerson]

Get em. It's okay. If you've never seen the show or never heard the show before, we'll explain it to you. It's very easy once we get our esteemed panel of competitors out here for storywars. Now, you guys ready for your panel tonight? Our first guest with an 01 record on story wars, he has a new special, none too Pleased, available right now on Netflix from the human trials comedy show Tuesdays Stories. We might be drunk. How about it for the great Mark Norman?

[Alex (Producer)]

Hey, hey, hey, man. Sorry. Hey, I was mid piss.

[Luis J. Gomez]

There he is.

[Alex (Producer)]

That's why I was late.

[Big J Okerson]

Fun, fun fact. Mark Norman. Quietly killer body.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh yeah. Now, Mark, under the radar. Hot autistic guy, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Total hottie.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Mark, happy to have you back. It's been a long time. You're one of the early Story War competitors. You didn't win last time. Have you been preparing this time?

[Harlan Williams]

Yes.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah, I've been really avoiding the show. It's a lot of work. It's so long. But yeah, you know, preparing. No. What? I've been drinking. What are you talking. How do you prepare for this drinking? Yeah, great.

[Luis J. Gomez]

By getting drunk and just repeating your stories to yourself in the mirror. Our next competitor coming to the stage from the Komzilla Comedy Tour. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Harlan Williams. Harlan, happy to have you on the show, my friend.

[Harlan Williams]

Thank you. It's an honor to be here, twinkle eyes. It's good to see you.

[Big J Okerson]

My eyes are popping from my spray tan.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Don't. Don't mention the pop to me, Jay. Jay told me that he walked through this crowd when everyone was here and he ruined the pop of the show.

[Big J Okerson]

Lewis hates when you ruin the pop.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Don't ruin the pop.

[Big J Okerson]

He wants you guys to believe we emerged from the ground when we got here.

[Luis J. Gomez]

How great would that be? Like Michael Jackson would just pop up.

[Big J Okerson]

God forbid you saw me make my way through like a human being. I'm sorry. I am you. He is us.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He is us.

[Big J Okerson]

He is us.

[Alex (Producer)]

Wow, you guys got iPads now.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh yeah.

[Alex (Producer)]

You've leveled up.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Harlan Williams]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

The game is stepping up their tablets, not ipods.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It looks like a crazy.

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh yeah. These are fake tablets.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Three $329 tablets, Mark. That's what they are.

[Big J Okerson]

We got this in the last Radio Shack in West Virginia. We got this in a radio controlled car.

[Alex (Producer)]

Well, you don't have to spend money on Dave Smith, you know?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Okay. Out with the bad, in with the tech.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Our final contestant on the show today. Very, very excited to have her here. From the WWE on Netflix 13 time women's champion. Make some noise for the man, Becky Lynch. Coffee Underground.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Becky, happy to have you here on Story Wars. Making your Story wars debut. I'll tell. Very beautiful. Very tough. I wanted to. I wanted to.

[Big J Okerson]

That's the first time we've ever played licensed music on the show.

[Becky Lynch]

I was gonna say, I appreciate the entrance music.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Very cool. I want Becky to. To choke me out and punch me in the face. How hot would that be?

[Alex (Producer)]

Hell yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I promise you, our producer G Mike over there is sitting in a pile of his own semen because you're here, so.

[Becky Lynch]

Great.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, just keep right. We're very excited to have you here. Becky. Thank you so much for doing the show. If you're unfamiliar with the game Story wars, or if it's your first time listening at home, it's a very, very simple game. All five of us on this panel have submitted three to five stories on one particular subject. Tonight's subject, temptation.

[Alex (Producer)]

Ooh,

[Big J Okerson]

sticky. Alex, our lovely producer, is going to take eight of those stories and read them off one at a time in random order. And if it is your story, you're the only person who knows that it's your job to make people think it's not your story. And if it's not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Every time you guess the story correctly, you get two points for every person you fool on the panel, you get one point. So when it is your story, that's a huge opportunity. You can get four points. You don't want to squander that opportunity. Once you put your answer in the tablet and lock it in, that's it. You can't change your answer. And also, I'll say this. We have a little new rule in the beginning. The beginning. Because you guys are so enthusiastic and you're such comedy nerds. If you know it's somebody's story on the panel, don't start screaming. You told that on another podcast, which happened last night with Tony Hinchcliffe.

[Big J Okerson]

Tony was gonna win that round. Everybody goes, you told that on a podcast. Did I? And then Tony, Tony, Tony.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So you guys, too, you're playing along as well. Don't chime in. And I'll tell you right now, it's so much fun. Harlan, you're gonna have A ton of fun, Becky, you're gonna have so much fun. But you know what, guys? We're not playing for fun. Jay, let him know what we're playing for today.

[Big J Okerson]

Every week here at Story Awards, we're playing for a book from the Story wars library. Tonight's winner takes home Heated rivalry. Oh, my God. The. No wonder. The novelization of the gay porno.

[Becky Lynch]

It was great. Did you watch it?

[Big J Okerson]

Heated Rivalry follows Shane and Isla, two superstar hockey players whose rivalry becomes far more complicated when they begin a secret gay relationship. Yeah. On the ice. Enemies off the ice. The tension between them keeps pulling them back together.

[Alex (Producer)]

Whoa.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Sorry, guys.

[Big J Okerson]

Sorry. Netflix. Deal with it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, no. Netflix loves that, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. This is on Netflix. Me and Lewis will. Yeah, dude, Netflix. If you pick up Story Wars. You think me and Lewis won't gay every week?

[Luis J. Gomez]

If you're wrong, by the way, I would have to probably go on blackface. They would need a black character on the show. But I'm down. I'm very willing.

[Big J Okerson]

That is true. I could take my eyes back and be a Chinese guy. Make sure everyone gets snailed. No, I want to be a diverse show. All right. I think everybody that's going to get it gets it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Probably.

[Big J Okerson]

I guess the question is, is this crowd ready for war?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Ladies and gentlemen, Netflix is a joke. Los Angeles, California, are you ready for war?

[Big J Okerson]

Alex, without any further ado, would you please Story number one.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Story number one. I lived with my cousins, and they had a freezer in the basement full of cookie dough. I snuck down every night when they were asleep and ate the entire freezer full over the course of four months.

[Big J Okerson]

This seems like a you like a whimsical Harlan Williams story to me.

[Alex (Producer)]

The problem is, Harlan stories are all going to involve a huckleberry and a pterodactyl.

[Big J Okerson]

Definitely cookie dough.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This is. Yes, this is a weird story. But, Jay, I gotta be honest with you. When you were a kid, you were a fat kid.

[Big J Okerson]

No shit. And by the way, you would have had to fucking hide your cookie dough.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You would.

[Big J Okerson]

And I would have eaten it frozen. I don't give a shit. Here's the thing. I didn't have any cousins that had basements, so they couldn't have basements full of cookie dough.

[Luis J. Gomez]

As I've known you for 20 years, I don't think you've ever lived with your cousins.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I never have.

[Alex (Producer)]

Are we allowed to lie?

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's the entire point of the show.

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh, great.

[Harlan Williams]

Okay.

[Alex (Producer)]

I didn't know we could lie. So he might have a cousin. With a basement.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, he very well could. Yeah, of course, either way, he's addicted to cookie dough.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I grew up in Philadelphia. No one really had basement in an apartment. I grew up. I lived in apartments till I was 17.

[Alex (Producer)]

I'm trying to read you the same color as your sweater.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Harlan, how do you feel about cookie dough?

[Harlan Williams]

Ah, boy, this is a toughie. I used to work at an ad agency and I was one of the guys who came up. I don't know if you're familiar with the Pillsbury Doughboy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I am.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Harlan Williams]

I was one of the guys on Team Pillsbury that came up with that little character.

[Alex (Producer)]

And so did you do the Hoo Hoo?

[Harlan Williams]

No, I just came up with the design. I designed the Yeasty Little Whore. And so, you know, whenever you start talking about baked goods or a cookie dough or anything. Pastry oriented, bear claws, apple turnovers. By the way, my dad the other day, he wears a diaper and he farted so hard his asshole looked like an apple frame fritter. Have you ever seen one of these?

[Big J Okerson]

Speaking of baked goods. Well, that almost solidified its Harland for me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Becky, you're an athlete. I couldn't imagine Becky sneaking down eating cookie dough. Were you a fat kid? Possibly.

[Becky Lynch]

No, I wasn't a fat kid. But also, cookie dough isn't a thing in Ireland.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's not a thing in Ireland. Really?

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, it's all beer.

[Becky Lynch]

It's like this. But eating raw eggs, can't that get you sick?

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, they actually. People are so fat in America that now they have labels on certain brands that say, yes, you could eat this raw. Stop killing yourself with the other ones. Here, we made it edible raw. But since you can't wait 15 fucking minutes for it to cook, we've already made it in circles for you. We split them in half.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's like 11 minutes to cook cookies.

[Big J Okerson]

It's 11 minutes. 12 if you want them crispy. But you can't wait. You have to shovel raw dough in your face. And this one's fine.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah, a little. You know, you eat ass because that's in the basement.

[Becky Lynch]

That's. That's what it tastes like.

[Alex (Producer)]

Well, no, that could make you sick too.

[Big J Okerson]

But Norman, that's her finisher.

[Becky Lynch]

But also, no, I'm gluten intolerant.

[Alex (Producer)]

Okay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Mark. Mark, did you ever live with your cousins when you were a kid?

[Alex (Producer)]

Did I live with my cousins? No.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, why'd you repeat the question?

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh, sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

I think Mark had a solid family unit.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah, yeah, good unit.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I Did. I mean his mom and stepdad, but I was mom and stepdad always.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alex (Producer)]

All right.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm getting grandmama. I'm getting Mark Norman vibes on this one right now.

[Alex (Producer)]

Y. Really?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Mark Norman. How do you feel about cookie dough, Mark?

[Alex (Producer)]

I love cookie dough.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Loves cookie dough. He can't even deny it. That's how much he loves it.

[Alex (Producer)]

Who doesn't love cookie dough?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Becky Lynch.

[Becky Lynch]

Ass.

[Alex (Producer)]

I like. I eat ass.

[Becky Lynch]

Oh, okay.

[Alex (Producer)]

Now you put cookie dough on an ass, and that's a meal that's also

[Harlan Williams]

a flavor of Baskin and Robbins.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it's also. It's also the plot of chapter three of this book

[Harlan Williams]

is that Brokeback Rollerblade.

[Big J Okerson]

I would eat cookie dough out of any. Even a dude's ass because that proves I'm really there for the dough.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's true.

[Alex (Producer)]

Good point.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll deal with the guy's asshole.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah. All right.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna get the voting going. I'm putting my answer in Mark Norman. He's acting a little weird. That's it.

[Big J Okerson]

This. This has Harlan Williams all over it to me. I'm going Harlan Williams. This is a whimsical, silly childhood.

[Alex (Producer)]

I'm going Harlan as well.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, once you got to lock it in by sliding it over.

[Alex (Producer)]

Guys.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Lots of technology.

[Alex (Producer)]

Well done. Boomer shoes.

[Big J Okerson]

And you

[Alex (Producer)]

lock it in. Swipe it, Harlan.

[Big J Okerson]

Gabby. I agree, dude. I don't know how you work this for cocktail thing either.

[Alex (Producer)]

Harlan's phone light is on as well.

[Harlan Williams]

No, it's not this thing. It's. I just never learned to read.

[Luis J. Gomez]

When you guys are done, put it right in that slot right there. Becky votes for Big J. Oh, that is fat shaming if I've ever seen it.

[Alex (Producer)]

I think that's.

[Harlan Williams]

I think he got.

[Big J Okerson]

I am most likely to seek out cookie dough on this thing, by the way, all night. I haven't been in LA in a while, so all night everyone's been telling me how thin I look since I've been here last. But Becky lynch just met me tonight, so I'm still just fat to her.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This fat to Becky, she was like Big J. You're goddamn right he's big.

[Becky Lynch]

I was younger, you know, you were living with your. I imagine you don't live with your cousins anymore.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Together, they kicked him out for being too fat. Becky.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. It was a small place, now that

[Harlan Williams]

I think of it. What don't you eat,

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex? All of our answers are in whose story? Story number one.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Story number one belongs to Becky Lynch.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Holy shit. Two things just happened.

[Big J Okerson]

We thought it was a fat shit story, but she was car bloating.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Dude, two things just happened. Number one, we found out that Becky lynch is a liar.

[Big J Okerson]

A good one.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And number two, we just saw Becky lynch genuinely get excited because she won round. That was genuine excitement.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, winning feels so good.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It feels great.

[Alex (Producer)]

That was amazing.

[Becky Lynch]

I love winning.

[Alex (Producer)]

They don't have cookie dough in Ireland. She said that. And then she said you can't eat cookie dough. We got eggs.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure did, Becky.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So there is cookie dough in Ireland?

[Becky Lynch]

No.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No.

[Alex (Producer)]

You had it floating?

[Becky Lynch]

No, I. I moved over to Vancouver. I lived with my cousins. Yeah, they had a basement. It was a beautiful view. It was very nice.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And you had never tasted anything as delectable as cookie dough before.

[Becky Lynch]

Unbelievable. It changed my life. I couldn't believe it.

[Big J Okerson]

Did they have a cookie cup? Why do they have a basement full of cookie dough?

[Becky Lynch]

They just had this giant extra freezer full of cookie dough.

[Big J Okerson]

Fucking rich whites. Am I right? A freezer just for their cookie dough. I wish, man. That was in my. That was on a piece of paper in my hope chest as a child.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex, where are points at after one round?

[Alex (Producer)]

That was impressive.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

All right. In first place with four points, Becky Lynch.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The only one on the board, Becky Lynch. Alex. Story number two.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Story number two. While hanging out at a mutual friend's house, I tempted my roommate to steal a brand new expensive deodorant from the bathroom. Our friend noticed it was gone and interrogated us for an hour before my roommate finally fessed up. After that, we all stopped being friends.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know why every story this I feel is gonna. Right away I'm gonna think it's Harlan.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yes. This seems. It's a lot of words. So that Jay doesn't write, so he's out.

[Big J Okerson]

And No, I just say stories. I'm just like, I got tempted once or whatever.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But it says that they stole, so it could be my story.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, for sure. You come from a lineage of stealing.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah, but Lewis doesn't wear deodorant.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's also true.

[Big J Okerson]

He's all natural. Our friend noticed it was gone and an expensive deodorant. And then they start pointing accusations.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah, it feels like a lady. But you're. It could be a second wild card now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It could be a second baker. That happens all the time.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Becky Lynch]

Up.

[Big J Okerson]

It's totally random. It's eight stories.

[Alex (Producer)]

But you were some fat cookie dough whore.

[Big J Okerson]

She was a real cookie dough whore.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Real fat cookie dough with stinky armpits.

[Becky Lynch]

I'm a cookie dough hoe but I'm no cookie.

[Big J Okerson]

Julie turned it around. She was a fat, smelly kid eating cookie dough in Vancouver, of all places.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Fancy deodorant, though. That's another thing.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Jay, you like fancy things. She's got a Louis Vuitton bag and

[Alex (Producer)]

spray tan, some fancy shoes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Those glasses are expensive as hell.

[Big J Okerson]

They are. But I'll tell you this. I don't even know what expensive deodorant means. I've always just lived a life of degree. The spray that promises no yellow on your white shirts.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That you really connected with this Mexican lady in the front row.

[Big J Okerson]

She was like, degree.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Yeah. I'm an expensive. What's an expensive deodorant?

[Big J Okerson]

Like a. I don't know what that means.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah, it's like. You ever heard of Spam?

[Big J Okerson]

I have.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Harlan Williams]

That stuff's cheap.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Harlan Williams]

And if you rub it under your arms, you smell like canned meat.

[Alex (Producer)]

That's true.

[Harlan Williams]

That is one of smell of Cam meat guy.

[Alex (Producer)]

Not really.

[Harlan Williams]

I was gonna ask you to Arby's later.

[Alex (Producer)]

That's not camp.

[Harlan Williams]

Neither is my wife. I'm not even married.

[Alex (Producer)]

I think Harlan's having an episode.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll tell you. Maybe it's the fact that no one else smokes weed up here and I'm completely stoned by myself, but I gotta say it out loud. I like Arby's.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah. There we go.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a solid roast beef sandwich. I don't care if it shows up in a bag full of. Everyone keeps telling me that it's in a bag full of water. I don't care. Slap that horsey sauce on. I'll eat anything. Dude, Put it on your wiener. I'll suck it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Did you. Did you ever, ever have roommates, Becky?

[Becky Lynch]

Yep.

[Big J Okerson]

You did?

[Becky Lynch]

Yep.

[Harlan Williams]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Horse dude. When she was at the power factory learning how to wrestle.

[Becky Lynch]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know if it's the real name of a place, but it sounds like the name of a place, doesn't it?

[Becky Lynch]

I don't. I don't know about an expensive deodorant.

[Alex (Producer)]

I don't believe you anymore.

[Big J Okerson]

Ireland doesn't have deodorant.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah, right.

[Becky Lynch]

We have a very small selection. I will say.

[Big J Okerson]

There's, like, three.

[Alex (Producer)]

All right, I'm going. Becky, there's three.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Becky Lynch]

Well, no.

[Alex (Producer)]

Maybe. Lewis,

[Big J Okerson]

what the fuck?

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh, bad pudding.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know what the fuck expensive deodorant means.

[Alex (Producer)]

Old Spice, J.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Probably Old Spice. And I feel like Jay is acting Right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I think that I'm. Call me a fucking shithead. I'm gonna vote Harland again.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Every story.

[Big J Okerson]

This makes no sense to me. What is expensive deodorant? It's all about 10 bucks.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Also, you're out of touch. Deodorant is definitely cheaper than 10 bucks.

[Alex (Producer)]

10 bucks.

[Luis J. Gomez]

10 bucks is crazy. That is particularly expensive deodorant.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, well, then I guess I buy expensive deodorant. There's gold flake. It's the goldschlage or a deodorant.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Another. Another factor. This is true. And I've known Jay a very, very long time because Jay used to be a lot heftier. He was always very self conscious about his smell. So there's. I mean, there's an old episode of Legion of Stinks.

[Big J Okerson]

Joe Malone cologne.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Did you rhyme that on purpose?

[Alex (Producer)]

Mmm.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Delicious. This is why we are heated rivalries.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. This is why every week on Netflix, right after Story wars, you're gonna see me come on aggressively butt Lewis while it will be simulated. It will be simulated. But we're good actors.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. While wearing hockey gear.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's make the faces. It's like I'm getting.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's like I'm getting raped by Jason Voorhees.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's make the faces right now. That will make it the thing I'm

[Luis J. Gomez]

gonna be giving to you.

[Big J Okerson]

You're taking it. This is me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, I wouldn't be. I would be. I'd be like, ew, get out of my butt. You know, you like being bottom. Then I turn you over, and then I'd be.

[Big J Okerson]

And then I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna go,

[Alex (Producer)]

boy, you guys got to LA and change.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, dude. Something about the spray tan wants me to be in a guy. This is Harland.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But here's the thing, Jay. All right, Jay votes Harlan. I think he's getting his voting early because I. Oh, $329.

[Alex (Producer)]

What?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Don't you dare.

[Alex (Producer)]

Good.

[Big J Okerson]

Save $145.

[Luis J. Gomez]

329. Big J's getting the voting going early. Big J was very self conscious about being a fat guy and smelling bad. So very early in his life, he knew that he always wanted to smell very nice. And I think that this is a big J story.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't steal. This might be Louis.

[Alex (Producer)]

Because I think of Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

Let me tell you why it might be Louis. I don't even know what the fucking. I stand by. I don't know what expensive deodorant is,

[Alex (Producer)]

but you're allowed to lie.

[Big J Okerson]

Of course. But what's more expensive? There's only one place to get deodorant.

[Alex (Producer)]

Mmm. You're getting pretty worked up here.

[Big J Okerson]

I already voted.

[Alex (Producer)]

Vote for me.

[Harlan Williams]

Let's say you bought some deodorant for $300, okay? Can you envision that?

[Big J Okerson]

I can't even picture it.

[Harlan Williams]

Well, that's expensive deodorant.

[Big J Okerson]

That would be. It would be obnoxiously expensive deodorant.

[Harlan Williams]

That's what I just said. Guy, Why you gotta steal my stuff, bro?

[Big J Okerson]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm up. It's late. We started late.

[Alex (Producer)]

It is late. So what are you thinking, Har?

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, I think definitely this says Lewis. Written racism, Louis. For sure.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Becky says Harland. Becky, why are you thinking it's Harland?

[Becky Lynch]

The Spam. It felt like a decoy, you know, he was asked about it and then starts talking about the Spam.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's a very good point.

[Becky Lynch]

And I was watching him. He was looking shifty beside me when. When. When that was being read.

[Big J Okerson]

Yo, Becky lynch is cutting a promo on Harlon Williams right now. And on May 13, you're gonna find out how serious she is.

[Becky Lynch]

Wasn't my intention. It was. Yeah, looking real shifty like that.

[Alex (Producer)]

Get her back. Let me tell you something, brother.

[Harlan Williams]

What? What?

[Alex (Producer)]

Do another wrestling promo?

[Harlan Williams]

What? What do I do?

[Alex (Producer)]

Ah, you're old.

[Harlan Williams]

Wait, what?

[Big J Okerson]

Harlan, if you beat her, you're the women's champ.

[Alex (Producer)]

I'm saying Lewis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Mark Norman. Saying me. What'd you vote for, Jay?

[Big J Okerson]

I said Harlan.

[Alex (Producer)]

Harland.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, Alex, all of our answers are in.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Story number two belongs to Lewis J.

[Harlan Williams]

Go.

[Alex (Producer)]

You were quiet on that one.

[Harlan Williams]

I said louis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And it was expensive deodorant, and it was Old Spice, but Old Spice came out with, like, this. This other line of, like, deodorants that was particularly nice, right? And me and my buddy Forest, we were roommates. You remember Forrest?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. There's no.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was expensive.

[Big J Okerson]

Expensive deodorant.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was like, $9 a jar versus $3 for degree.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay, I buy degree for $10.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You don't. You have no idea how much deodorant prices are these days.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, well, tell that to Uber Eats cvs.

[Harlan Williams]

By the way, Jay, de degree is women's deodorant, my guy.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no. It's strong enough for a man, though.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Okay, well, PH balance for a woman.

[Harlan Williams]

I can't call you out because I use Summer's Eve.

[Big J Okerson]

Hell, yeah. Absolutely, dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So, yeah, we were. We were at my buddy's house who lived near us in Brooklyn. And there were these two musicians that we used to, like, hang with all the time, and they just went shopping and they had this bag of, like, the deodorant, all this stuff. We were just broke, like, 19 year olds. So they go and they put it in the bathroom. I'm like, forrest, you steal that deodorant, we'll be. We'll have, like, a month of really nice deodorant. And he did. He went and stole it, and then he hid it in his jacket. And then they're like, where's our fucking deodorant? What is going on? Are you guys stealing from us? We're like, no, that's crazy. And then they interrogated us for an hour while they weren't looking. Forrest threw it into the yard. It was just there. And he had to tell him. He's like, yeah, the deodorant's in the order. They made him go get the deodorant in the dark, bring it back. And we never spoke to them again.

[Alex (Producer)]

Whoa.

[Harlan Williams]

Did it land in the garden?

[Big J Okerson]

Anybody stole deodorant ever is fucking crazy. Yeah, snag that guy's deodorant.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Take his PlayStation before that deodorant, toothpaste, fucking little flossers. And there's no bathroom products that are safe around me and my friends.

[Harlan Williams]

Did you threw the deodorant into the yard?

[Luis J. Gomez]

He threw it into the yard.

[Harlan Williams]

I guess somebody's gonna have an Irish prank.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I liked

[Big J Okerson]

Story and Furious Irish Spring.

[Harlan Williams]

I just said it again just to make sure Irish sprang. I said it a third time off.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex

[Harlan Williams]

said it four times. Irish Spring.

[Big J Okerson]

Salty about that. Pillsbury guy.

[Harlan Williams]

Who wants a six? Irish Spring. I didn't even wait to hear. Yeah. Irish Spring, seven. Nice and loud.

[Alex (Producer)]

He stood up.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, he cut her off.

[Harlan Williams]

He has no legs.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He cut her off after seven. He was like, enough for you? Alex, where are points at?

[Alex (Story Reader)]

In Last place with 0 points, Big J Okerson.

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh, great take.

[Big J Okerson]

Let me tell you something. The any given Sunday speech I'm giving myself in my head for the second half of this game is gonna turn everything around. So doubt me if you want.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Good.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Alex tied for second place with two points each. Louis J. Gomez, Mark Normand, and Harlan Williams.

[Alex (Producer)]

Hey.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

And in first place with four points, Becky Lynch.

[Alex (Producer)]

Becky, the Irish Spring,

[Luis J. Gomez]

Ari Shaffir, taped a note to the back of my. To the back of my tablet that said, I know you have sex with men,

[Big J Okerson]

by the way. Dash, Ari.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Dash, Ari. Thank you, Ari.

[Alex (Producer)]

He kind of nailed the theme.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He did.

[Big J Okerson]

You were tempted dude, what are we going to do? What's up, story warriors? Let's take a second to thank our sponsor for today's show, and that is Ridge. And the Ridge Power bank is the last power bank you're ever gonna need. It lets you charge anything at any time with magsafe, wireless charging, Lightning and USB C cables. Ridge has you covered for anything you need. It holds up to three full phone charges, and it powers your devices fast. This is so amazing. When you're flying as much as we do and traveling and backstage, it shows, and all you're doing is dicking around your phone the entire time, draining the shit out of the battery.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It holds three charges, which is cool. The other thing is you can charge more than one device, right? So I use the mag safe thing where you, you. You magnet it to the back of my phone. But you can use the wire as well. You could charge a friend's phone as well, which is great. It's je. I genuinely love it. I bring it everywhere I go. Obviously, we travel a lot, but it's just a great product, just in general. And I think this is one of the best Father's Day's gifts you can get because everyone's got a phone that they use. Everyone's scrolling, everyone's battery dies. This is a great thing that you just pop right into the back of your phone that I think your dad would love, and we're going to give you a pretty cool deal. For a limited time, Ridges is having their huge Father's Day sale. You're going to get 40% off just ridge.comwarz with the Z W A R Z. Do not miss one of their biggest discounts of the year. 40% [e-mail] warz and you're all set.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, story warriors, let's thank one of our sponsors for today's show, and that is Ultra Pouches. If you're looking for a better habit, you have to try Ultra Pouches. They help you unwind with no nicotine and no caffeine. With a blend of nootropics and vitamins built for focus and mental clarity, Ultra pouches power you through your workday workouts. And on the go, they help you stay hydrated and they don't dry out your mouth. They're delicious, nutritious, and a great way to satisfy those cravings. No dizziness, no stomach rumbles. Five amazing flavors. Cool mint, wintergreen, tropical watermelon, and the all new Blue Raz.

[Luis J. Gomez]

These are it, dude. I'll tell you right now. I. I Felt like such a loser because everyone was using pouches for like nicotine and caffeine and all this other stuff. And I was like, I'm not into any of that stuff. But I am taking nootropics. They have Alpha GPC in them, which is great. It's a very powerful nootropic. Look up what Alpha GPC can do for with my adhd. I'm telling you right now, I don't take any medications. Nothing. I just take nootropics. And Alpha GPC is one of the best ones out there. Plus it's got B12 which I was already taking anyway. Why pop a bunch of pills, pop a pouch today and you can see what the buzz is all about. Really, really great. Plus they have brand new sleep pouches as well, which I can't wait to try. They're built for clean, natural rest. Right now Ultra is going to give you the ultimate guilt free pouch with instant focus and mental clarity without the nicotine or caffeine. And they're going to do it for a discount because you listen to this show. Go to Takeultra, do T A K E U L T R A dot com and use the promo code wars with a z to get 15% off. Once again, that's take ultra.com promo code wars with a Z to get 15% off. Alex. Story number three.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Story number three. I've been tempted to grab the microphone on a full airplane and warn any would be terrorists from trying any terrorist activity.

[Big J Okerson]

It's Harlan Williams, man.

[Harlan Williams]

Come on.

[Alex (Producer)]

That's gotta be Harlem.

[Big J Okerson]

Come on.

[Alex (Producer)]

That's good. That's funny.

[Big J Okerson]

So funny.

[Alex (Producer)]

We could have used you on 9 11.

[Harlan Williams]

I never thought to do this. Working at 7 11. Excuse me. You could laugh when the others do, ma'.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Am.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, come on.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm getting Harlan William vibes as well. But I will say that you know, post 911 this was a thought I think that everyone had. Like it was like if I was on that airplane. Becky Lynch.

[Big J Okerson]

You think Becky lynch sits on planes and thinks about calling out terrorist activity?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Maybe.

[Becky Lynch]

No, to be a flight attendant.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You were a flight attendant?

[Becky Lynch]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Southwest?

[Becky Lynch]

No. Aer Lingus. Aerlingus. Yeah. Yeah, they know Cunnilingus.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice.

[Harlan Williams]

Yep.

[Becky Lynch]

Nope.

[Big J Okerson]

Mile High Club. You ever stop anybody who was trying to get the Mile High Club? Do you ever have to stop somebody from having sex in a plane?

[Becky Lynch]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

You just let them do it. Oh, you animal.

[Becky Lynch]

Seemed like they were having a good time. Yeah. No, it seemed like they were having a good time.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Becky Lynch]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean that is a variable. You being a flight attendant is pretty crazy, right? Did you ever suspect anybody of being a terrorist while in the air?

[Becky Lynch]

No.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We did find that Becky's a great liar though.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you worry that it would be hard to perform a vertical suplex with a terrorist?

[Becky Lynch]

No, but I have always thought like a German suplex would be a good way. You know, everybody starts getting like a little crispy.

[Big J Okerson]

He goes, thank God Becky Lakes was there. Take them out with a camel clutch.

[Becky Lynch]

Yeah. Mark, I don't know you very well, but this seems like something you would do.

[Big J Okerson]

You're not wrong.

[Alex (Producer)]

Shit. Everyone's tempted to do this though.

[Becky Lynch]

No.

[Alex (Producer)]

Get on a mic on the plane

[Big J Okerson]

and start warning people about would be terrorists.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But also just like, I dare you, I dare you to try to terrorize this plane.

[Big J Okerson]

This is very Ari Shafir chaotic. And I believe you also lack the same self governing system.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

That makes you even think about this? I would. This is not what I think about at all.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, never.

[Big J Okerson]

No. I wouldn't bat this around even for a second.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah, but you like to chat on a microphone.

[Big J Okerson]

No, but I'm. I'm socially shy as. Ah, on stage with a microphone. I get it. But no, this would never be my.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That was the weirdest. You're not shy socially.

[Big J Okerson]

What are you nuts? You think I want to grab a microphone on a plane?

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, but you're not shy socially.

[Big J Okerson]

That is shy socially.

[Harlan Williams]

That.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, that is crazy. You don't have to not be shy.

[Big J Okerson]

That's why it's Harlem to grab a microphone.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Look, obviously it's Harlan. We're just vamping.

[Big J Okerson]

What are we, an old married couple?

[Luis J. Gomez]

We're gonna get to Harlan in a moment. I'm just saying. I wouldn't call you shy. I would say you're particularly outgoing.

[Alex (Producer)]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, we're not strangers.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Becky Lynch]

No.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Have you ever met Jay after a show? He's fucking yapping, talking, taking your weed.

[Big J Okerson]

This lady, I said she's old and should be in bed 12 hours ago. If I saw her outside, I'd be like, thank you so much for coming. And both of those are the real me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, that is true. But hugging an old woman is not being shy.

[Alex (Producer)]

You're getting defensive, Lewis. What are you hiding? Hey, are you getting on a mic on a spirit flight? Is that why they shut down?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, look, I have been tempted. I do think all the video. The videos of when like a Walmart employee quits and they're like, yo, this job, the manager, I watch those videos and I jerk off. They're my favorite videos.

[Alex (Producer)]

True.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So I get it. I like it.

[Big J Okerson]

Share a lot of hotel rooms.

[Luis J. Gomez]

If somebody did it, I would be very impressed. But this was not me. Harlan Williams being very nervously quiet.

[Harlan Williams]

Right. Is there even a microphone on an airplane?

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah, you see, they get the phone.

[Harlan Williams]

It's a phone. It's not a microphone. Like, this is a microphone. Oh, look at you pretending you don't know. Oh, I just turned into Nancy Drew and I'm on my period.

[Alex (Producer)]

Wait a minute. You're my puzzle.

[Harlan Williams]

Nice, nice. Play Shakespeare.

[Alex (Producer)]

But wait a minute. You're a fighter. Fighter. You probably want to fight a terrorist. And you were on a flight attendant plane.

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Becky Lynch]

So I don't need to warn them. Just.

[Harlan Williams]

She's like a fight attendant.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah, there we go.

[Harlan Williams]

Cuz she's in a lot of fights.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, I'm gonna. I'm gonna get the voting going here. I. I do think it's Harland. It sounds like Harlan. It's kind of weird and out there. Here it is. Harland Williams.

[Big J Okerson]

I. I mean, it's Mark or Harland.

[Alex (Producer)]

I wouldn't. I wouldn't rule out Lynchy over here.

[Big J Okerson]

What? No way. Maybe she is.

[Becky Lynch]

What am I gonna say?

[Alex (Producer)]

She was on a plane every day for work.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Also, that'd be really hilarious in an Irish accent like, oh, I dare you to try a terrorist.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't look in section 2F. That guy's got shifty eyes.

[Harlan Williams]

He does.

[Big J Okerson]

Rata ta ta tee ratatou.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, I'll knock you out of this plane like a shillelagh.

[Becky Lynch]

Yeah, I could have said that.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll tell you what, now that I said it, I feel like it could be Becky Lynch.

[Alex (Producer)]

Right.

[Luis J. Gomez]

If you read all of these with an Irish accent, it does sound like Becky Lynch.

[Big J Okerson]

It's marker, Harlan.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah, it's Tuffy. Could be you, though. Orange.

[Big J Okerson]

No way.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, Jay, you are dressed like the guy who works at an airport trying to get the planes to land.

[Big J Okerson]

It takes rhythm that I got.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Harlan, you have Mark locked in.

[Harlan Williams]

You want to put it up, Mark, after that, that phone microphone thing. Nice try, buddy.

[Alex (Producer)]

All right, all right.

[Harlan Williams]

I may be stupid, but I'm not an idiot.

[Big J Okerson]

Come on, man.

[Alex (Producer)]

All right, I'm going Harlan. Just out of. Just a payback.

[Harlan Williams]

Horn on the. There we go.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Mark Norman votes for Harlan Williams. Becky lynch thinking very hard right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, Mark Norman, who'd you vote for?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I voted for Harland.

[Big J Okerson]

Ah, me. I'm going Mark.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Here it is.

[Alex (Producer)]

What do you got? Big L. Big L.

[Big J Okerson]

Big Al

[Harlan Williams]

story

[Alex (Story Reader)]

number three belongs to Harland Williams.

[Alex (Producer)]

Hell yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm just bad at the game. I'm just bad at the game, Jay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You need to trust your first instinct, Jay. Every time you say it, you change it.

[Big J Okerson]

It's the only time I didn't vote for Harlan.

[Alex (Producer)]

That's true.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So Harlan does this every time you're on a flight.

[Harlan Williams]

Now, this was right after 711 happened. And you know, I played hockey my whole life and I was so. Everyone was so scared to get on a plane and I'm like 225 and I was just going to grab the mic and go. If anyone on this plane tries fucking anything, I'm not afraid to die. I'm a hockey playing Canadian boy. Straight.

[Big J Okerson]

I was going to say, I mean what I'm aware of. Hockey is not who I would want defending me against terrorists.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah. But I was like, if anyone tries anything, I am gonna, I'm gonna fly onto you and I will beat the out of you until I'm dead. And if, and the thing I had to go, and if there's any men on this plane, I want you to join me. Because I was like, everyone was scared there's gonna be a terrorist. Like, and I was like, I don't care. Because when you saw 9 11, there's so many people that didn't take, do anything because they were scared. They couldn't believe it. But now it's like I knew what was happening.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Like, but how hard would it be to pull their robes over their head to hockey fight them, you know? Yeah, it's gonna be difficult.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Very blousy clothing.

[Harlan Williams]

I almost grabbed the damn telephone and, and, and said it. I was, I was so infuriated with all that stuff.

[Big J Okerson]

So do you think you would make an actual move? You saw somebody?

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, I would have. I was. Oh, dude, I was. I almost wanted them to. I was jacked. I just.

[Big J Okerson]

Like, you're a self appointed hair marshal.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Self appointed. Fucking Tanya Tucker. If she's still around.

[Big J Okerson]

Alex Foot there somewhere.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Where are our points at after three stories?

[Alex (Story Reader)]

All right, in last place with zero points.

[Big J Okerson]

Man, I was having a lot of fun.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Big J Okerson.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Damn.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

And tied for first place with four points each. Lewis J. Gomez, Mark Norman, Harland Williams and Becky.

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone, everyone's playing but me. I got a guy who outside, I gave him a miracle tick. He goes, I want to come see the show. I go, I got you, dude. And I got him in. He goes, man, I'll be rooting for you. This is going to be one of them nights. Sitting right over there. His name is Chris Cage and he said, tonight's tonight. You're gonna win it, dude. I'm not. Yeah, just go back to war. I think he's a soldier.

[Luis J. Gomez]

If you were, if you were a make a wish kid, you would die tonight.

[Big J Okerson]

Tonight's tonight. Dude, that would be.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jay's performance is not going to keep you alive. So just so you know.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, I'm wide awake. I slept good. Oh, well, I don't know. I don't even give a. I don't even want to read this gay ass book. But somebody, some one of the four of you has taken home the book that mixes sports romance with years of hidden feelings, emotional confusion and hookups that are desperate to keep private. Shane is controlled and careful, while Isla is cocky, reckless and constantly pushing boundaries, making their chemistry impossible to ignore.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And just so you know, this is a used book, so some of the pages are stuck together.

[Big J Okerson]

By the way, if you don't get on Netflix, me and Lewis will patreon gay sex with each other. Everyone check out heated rivalry on Patreon.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Dude, a hockey themed onlyfans where we just bang each other in hockey gear.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you mean you just wrestle? Until whoever gets on the other one's back gets to fuck the other one.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You want to get out of here? Let's just go.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, let me find my waitress.

[Alex (Producer)]

What's going on with you? Just the gay. Am Hormuz out.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex. Story number four.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Story number four. I was almost tempted into committing a major crime for $5,000. I would have gone through with it, but the person tempting me called it off.

[Big J Okerson]

This feels like Lewis.

[Alex (Producer)]

We all immediately think Louis feels like Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

It could be Mark.

[Luis J. Gomez]

$5,000 to this day is life changing money for me.

[Big J Okerson]

I know.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So if anybody wants to. I'll murder mother.

[Big J Okerson]

Whatever.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'll kidnap a dog, whatever you guys want. Five grand is my number.

[Big J Okerson]

Mike, Mark did grow up in like CD ass New Orleans. Where, I mean, we just did skank fest there. And I think 17 people at the festival were robbed and stripped naked.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

By some lunatic in the streets. So it's a seedy place.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And Mark could be lured into something. He seems susceptible.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you were. You were a nice kid, but you were like a skateboarder. You were like. Were you a good student?

[Alex (Producer)]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Did you hang out with some seedy people?

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh, yeah. Blacks,

[Big J Okerson]

but like with gold teeth and.

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, like real blacks. Like Master P. Yeah.

[Alex (Producer)]

Lil Wayne.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Alex (Producer)]

Juvenile.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Mark Makeup, say Yeah, yeah. No limit. No limit.

[Harlan Williams]

See?

[Luis J. Gomez]

$5,000. How much is that in Irish money? Is that like.

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God. What are dollars over there?

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah. What do you guys use? Clovers?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. She was gonna find the money at the end of a rainbow.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I assume you get paid every week in tiny pots of gold.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Alex (Producer)]

You must know Brad Williams.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't. This is. This doesn't. This is Louis. How. Isn't this you. You almost committed so many crimes and committed so many also.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I used to be. I. I was on a path to becoming a career criminal.

[Harlan Williams]

Career.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And now. And now I just steal from every audience that comes to see me live. Dumbasses.

[Big J Okerson]

At the end of the show.

[Luis J. Gomez]

50, idiot.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm Louis J. Gomez, and you've been suckers.

[Alex (Producer)]

5 grand is a tall order after deodorant.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, well, 5 grand is a lot of money depending on what time of. Of your life it is. Like. Like when you were like a teenager. $5,000. A wild amount of money.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Harlan Williams]

Wait, where did you grow up? Jay?

[Big J Okerson]

Philly.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Interesting.

[Harlan Williams]

Jay. Yeah, it's Jay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can I tell you Jay, and this is the truth, is a pussy. So he would never. He would. He's a shy little pussy. He would never do.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm so. I am socially shy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

A major crime is not in Jay's thing at all.

[Big J Okerson]

A major crime. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I could. I'm also could be talked into something, I guess, but like. Like, Lewis is right in the regard. I mean, when he calls a pussy is like what I would call, like, not a lunatic. I probably wouldn't jump in on a fucking heist for $5,000.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Just gonna steal an ATM machine or something.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah. I've been a part of crimes by accident. I was a getaway driver for a few things where I just thought my friend wanted to leave quick.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He pulled down a ski mask. Dude, I gotta leave in five minutes. Hang out here.

[Big J Okerson]

My buddy right now with like two kids cases of beer and threw them in my trunk. And then he goes, all right, man, drive. And I go, hey, tonight we should watch a movie. And he goes, drive, man, drive.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Somebody shoots out your back window. Mark. I'm getting Mark Norman vibes here.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Mark, were you. Did you do criminal activity when you were younger?

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh, yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Really? What's the. What's the biggest crime you ever committed?

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh, well, I guess. You ever heard of Bernie Madoff?

[Luis J. Gomez]

No.

[Alex (Producer)]

Probably dui.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Dui?

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah. Hit a lady.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Really?

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Driving unto Irene. We'll Edit in post.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we got to get the voting going here.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Here.

[Alex (Producer)]

Harlan's being quiet.

[Harlan Williams]

No, I just. I mean, it says a major crime. $5,000, that's nothing. That's like, you know, driving a bulldozer through raw stress for less.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. It's also only a hundred loonies, so.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah. Canadian. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

This again. It's so on the nose that it's Lewis because he's almost committed so many crimes. But I'm between Lewis and Mark.

[Becky Lynch]

Mark.

[Alex (Producer)]

I don't know. Don't forget old Beck over here.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I'm an angel.

[Becky Lynch]

Come on.

[Alex (Producer)]

I don't know. You're a cookie dough thief.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like she was always an athlete. Always. Probably a pretty good kid. My guess, Becky, what was.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What's the biggest crime you've ever committed?

[Becky Lynch]

Still on the cookie dough? I don't know.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's it.

[Alex (Producer)]

I don't know. The Irish. You ever seen Boondock Saints? They're shifty.

[Becky Lynch]

Very by the book.

[Alex (Producer)]

Conor McGregor. He's in my wife's DMS.

[Becky Lynch]

Oh, me too.

[Big J Okerson]

I bet it is her hall pass.

[Alex (Producer)]

Decent hog on that, Mick.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, right.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah. Had a curve on the end.

[Big J Okerson]

I know. I was. I wanted. I. Yeah, I wanted to be shitty.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wait, is. Is he really in your wife's DMs?

[Alex (Producer)]

No.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Okay, you kind of said it in a very real way. All right, we got to get the voting going, guys.

[Alex (Producer)]

We got a vote here.

[Big J Okerson]

I fucking. I suck shit at this game. It's Mark. I think.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think I agree with you. I'm going to also vote for Mark Normand.

[Big J Okerson]

I think Jay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jay did have my name pressed, and then he changed it, so it would be hilarious. If it is me, I want it to be me because. Yeah, it's Mark, without a doubt.

[Alex (Producer)]

I'm going Big Lou.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh, come on.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Mark got no.

[Harlan Williams]

I think Jay maybe Mark, you fool.

[Alex (Producer)]

I think Jay maybe, too, is the other option. You put Mark, I put big Puerto Rican.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex, all of our answers are in Whose story was story number four?

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Story number four belongs to Louis J.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Obviously, it's me. I had this story about five times in my life, to be honest with you. Times that I committed the crime. Times that I didn't commit the crime. Jay, you had me locked in the fucking pad.

[Alex (Producer)]

Jay, you gotta stop second guessing.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Trust your instincts.

[Alex (Producer)]

Come on. Orange theory.

[Big J Okerson]

Socially shy. I'm freaking out.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, fuck. All right, so this is when I was 19 years old. I was working at a pizzeria in Rockland County, New York. Pizzeria owner Was like, yeah, we need to burn this place down. And he offered me and my friend James $5,000 each if we would burn the pizzeria down. And we. I mean, dude, we. The whole plan was. Now you're gonna remember the story because you'll remember this part.

[Big J Okerson]

Great.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I got a bunch of. I went to the supermarket, we stole lighter fluid. And the whole plan was to douse the electrical box like the, the. With the switches with lighter fluid and then light that. And in our dumb teenage minds, the fire would travel through all the wires and burn the place down. That was our plan.

[Big J Okerson]

Backdraft.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

And then the backdraft will probably blow the whole place off once. The backdraft is tits.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We were. I'm talking about. It's the night we were going to do it. We were ready to go. And yeah, we. I mean to the, to the point where we had a. An alibi. I worked at a bar as a bouncer and I was like, we. I went to work and I showed up on camera and I acted real big. And then we were going to go out the back door and sneak and then drive 20 minutes at the pizzeria, drive back to be back. I did. The whole thing was planned, ready to go. We were on the way there and then the pizzeria owner called us and called it off. But I was going to ruin my life. I was never getting away with it. He was gonna rat us out completely. And yeah, that was. That almost ruined my life. Very close. Alex, where are our points at? Thank you. And you can get the entire story in the book. Knives and Spoons. Thanks for reading it, dickhead. Even though Jay didn't read my book. Seraphina.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Alex (Producer)]

Jesus Christ.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The lovely Seraphina. The hottest child in the game. Seraphina.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Alex, where are points at Countdown to 18?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Like the Olen Twins. We have. We have a website that counts down.

[Big J Okerson]

Sarah turning 18.

[Alex (Producer)]

All right.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

In last place with zero points, Big

[Alex (Producer)]

J. Oh man, come on. I don't care.

[Big J Okerson]

I got a. I got a of lot of going on at this festival.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Has the episode come out yet where you got 3,0 points? Cuz Jay's the only person in the history of story wars to end an episode with zero points.

[Alex (Producer)]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Pioneer

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Alex Dick tied for third place with four points each. Harland Williams and Becky Lynch.

[Alex (Producer)]

Hell yeah.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

In second place with six points, Mark Norman. And in first place with seven points, Louis J. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

Game's rigged. He threatens the staff.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Do you think. Do you think Arsenio hall is in the Back going, what the fuck is going on in there?

[Big J Okerson]

Why won't he do this show? So we can do it in front of him.

[Becky Lynch]

Him?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we wanted to tell him and.

[Big J Okerson]

And act like we don't know that it's his thing. But you did it on your show. You had a television show.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Ladies and gentlemen, the great Jeff Ross in the back of the room saying, what's up? It looks like he's here to challenge Becky lynch for the title the Underground.

[Big J Okerson]

Take your music, Jeff Ross. Jeff, do Story wars on Friday. Yeah, yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jeff, we're going to get the second half going. Why don't you join Alex at the booth? Read the next. Read the fifth story for us. Will you do that for us? Right over here. Jeff loves being on mic. So it is the second half. Before we get into the second half, let's do some plugs real quick. Becky, is there anything that you'd like to plug?

[Becky Lynch]

Oh, yeah, I've got a new coffee brand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Amo. Amo. Yay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Delicious.

[Becky Lynch]

Delicious. Very good coffee. Very good.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, they're booing a booker.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The reason they're booing you, which is really rude, is because I have a coffee. You think you can come on to my show and talk about your coffee brother?

[Becky Lynch]

Yes, I do.

[Big J Okerson]

There's only one way to handle this in the squared circle.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Thank you very much. What is your coffee brand?

[Becky Lynch]

Homo.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What is it called?

[Becky Lynch]

Homo.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Call me a homo.

[Becky Lynch]

Omo. Oh, dude, love ammo.

[Big J Okerson]

This homo loves coffee.

[Becky Lynch]

Ammo.

[Alex (Producer)]

Do you have a cookie dough flavor?

[Becky Lynch]

Yes, I've got a short break.

[Harlan Williams]

No, like, not really.

[Becky Lynch]

Not really a shortbread cookie. But, you know, before it became a shortbread cookie, it was cookie dough, you know.

[Big J Okerson]

Shut the. Wow.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Harlan Williams. What are you plugging, my friend?

[Harlan Williams]

Folks, I'm gonna invite you to stream my brand new movie Wingman on May 26th. Please go out and support it. We did it all ourselves. And I wrote, I directed, and I star in the movie with Jamie Kennedy, Russell Peters, Kayla Wal, and it's. It's a unwoke comedy back to the good old days of comedy. And I think you'll love it. It's about a crazy wingman that helps losers get laid. So. May 26, Apple prime, all over the place. So thank you.

[Alex (Producer)]

Sounds awesome.

[Harlan Williams]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Mark Norman.

[Alex (Producer)]

Hey. Special on Netflix. None too. Please check it out. Hey, thank you. Still out there. What else? Tuesday stories. We might be drunk. It's a bodega cat and. Yeah, that's it.

[Big J Okerson]

Big J. BigJay comedy dot com. For all my dates I never stop going. So look for a city near you. And of course listen to the bonfire with me and the great Robert Kelly on faction talk series XM103 and of course course the flagship show right here at Gas Digital, the legion of skanks

[Luis J. Gomez]

come see me on the road to rattle me this tour. Coming to a city near you, go to my website LewisOfSkangs.com grab my book Knives and spoons available on Amazon and everywhere else. I can barely read. I don't know how I got this thing done. And yeah, make sure if you guys love the show we do an uncensored and ad free version of the show. Comes out every Monday night before it goes anywhere else.

[Big J Okerson]

Salacious.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You go to gas digital.com use the promo code WAR. Save a couple bucks a month. There's an on demand library that is thousands of episodes deep for all of the shows we have and probably like maybe 60 or 70 episodes of this show that are no longer available anywhere else. So go check out the entire history of story wars right on the gas digital network.com Second half of the show. Big J, let him know what's up.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, Jeff Ross is going to be reading our our fifth story. But as Mark, as a person who's been on the show before, you know I'm not out of this game. This game is still in hand for me. It's possible because as we all know for the second half of this show we go double points. It's very simple gang. Before if you fooled somebody you got one point per person. If you guessed the person right you got two points. That now jumps forward to double points.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This, this fucking chola made bootleg double.

[Alex (Producer)]

Wait, say that again with the points.

[Big J Okerson]

Huh?

[Alex (Producer)]

What's that? How does that work with the points?

[Big J Okerson]

If you fooled somebody before you got one point and that and if you correct guess the correct person you got two points and then now that jumps up to double points.

[Alex (Producer)]

I can't believe you got these people out at 1:20 on a fucking Wednesday.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They love it.

[Alex (Producer)]

Unbelievable.

[Big J Okerson]

They wouldn't have it any other way. They wouldn't have it any other way.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean they did, they did tell us they were like dude, midnight show, best show of the festival. Feel be the hub of the festival. I got out last night trying to like look for hot chicks. There was three homeless people on the deck. Everyone went straight home.

[Big J Okerson]

The front gate was pulled down.

[Alex (Producer)]

Wow.

[Harlan Williams]

Go to the Netflix party across the street where no one invited us. Right in that hotel.

[Alex (Producer)]

No one told us it's fun. I don't know about that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wait, tell us afterwards because they're all going to show up. These people are dangerous. Tell us where it is later, Jeff.

[Big J Okerson]

They will be outside making a thing. Jeff, if you would, please. The great Jeff Ross with story Storey War five.

[Harlan Williams]

Hi, Harlan. Hey, buddy. How are you? This is so cool. I was literally going to the bathroom and heard familiar voices. Yeah. And I was like, holy shit, are we in New York right now? Story wars is happening in the main room.

[Big J Okerson]

Number five. Number five.

[Harlan Williams]

I broke up with a partner because they couldn't resist eating all of my. My very expensive, very rare peanut butter.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Very expensive peanut butter. Now you should have a problem with expensive peanut butter.

[Big J Okerson]

I do. And it's Harland. What is rare peanut butter?

[Alex (Producer)]

I don't know. This goes down the question cookie dough trail.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's true.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, maybe. Are peanuts rare in Ireland?

[Harlan Williams]

Maybe.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Do you guys have peanut butter in Ireland?

[Becky Lynch]

No, we only have potatoes.

[Alex (Producer)]

There's a peanut.

[Big J Okerson]

Liar.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I was having potatoes and jelly on my sandwich.

[Becky Lynch]

You make fun of it, but it's delicious.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I bet it would be. That actually sounds delicious.

[Becky Lynch]

It sounds amazing, right?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Rare peanut butter and expensive rare peanut butter.

[Alex (Producer)]

Who breaks up with a partner over peanut butter?

[Harlan Williams]

Well, the answer's right there in front of your eyes. If it was any of us guys, we would have said, I broke up with a chick, but with a partner. That's this one right here.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, can I say. I will say that Alex does change the language. So if they wrote boyfriend or girlfriend, she. She would put partner, so it wouldn't be that obvious.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah, but imagine if you were getting great sex from a lady and you're like, ah, but the peanut butter, though,

[Big J Okerson]

right? A fucking weirdo.

[Alex (Producer)]

That feels like a lady move.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It does.

[Becky Lynch]

Yeah.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

What?

[Becky Lynch]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

No regular person does this.

[Alex (Producer)]

A lady.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a strong argument, Mark. I don't have a fucking big thing against it.

[Alex (Producer)]

Thank you, Tangerine.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but Harlan is a movie star for a few decades over at this point. He has the pick of the litter when it comes to the ladies.

[Big J Okerson]

He also has the ability to find very rare peanut butter. Who has access to rare peanut butter? Movie stars.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's true.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, come on.

[Harlan Williams]

You're sort of being overdramatic. He's being overdramatic. It's you. It's you, guy. I haven't seen Meryl Streep act this good. Like, you are the Great Pumpkin right now. Like, come on. Come on, guys.

[Big J Okerson]

Man, Spray tan day wasn't the right day for an orange Sweatshirt, huh?

[Harlan Williams]

You're like a traffic cone that got squished by a steamroller. You're like melanoma with a goatee over there.

[Big J Okerson]

It's Harlan. He's killing me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's Harlan. I could also. I could also see this being Jay, because a lot of the women that you date, you have to put peanut butter on their gums to make them talk.

[Big J Okerson]

I do. I do. So it's above board.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Alex (Producer)]

This is tough.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He dates horses, Folks.

[Harlan Williams]

I think it's you, J. That, that, that acting like I don't

[Big J Okerson]

know what expensive peanut butter is still.

[Harlan Williams]

You're still doing it. You're still acting. Yeah, he's still stre. Out.

[Alex (Producer)]

I'm with you. I, I.

[Big J Okerson]

Why does everyone think I want peanut butter?

[Harlan Williams]

Look at you.

[Big J Okerson]

Because I'm the larger gentleman. Sure, sure.

[Alex (Producer)]

I don't know. I might be with you. Old Cheeto dust here is really throwing me here.

[Harlan Williams]

Old Agent Orange over there.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I was going to go by Flamin Hot. J.

[Harlan Williams]

We believe the flaming part after tonight's episode.

[Big J Okerson]

Temptation.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You are getting dunked on right now.

[Big J Okerson]

I thought we're all friends having fun.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I said dunked on because you look like a basketball.

[Big J Okerson]

This would be a very cheap basketball. This basketball is made of rubber.

[Harlan Williams]

The basketball diarrheas.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This could also be Harlan deflecting this.

[Big J Okerson]

The strangest, by the way, the way he does the Kardashians who did the spray tan. Whatever.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We were all wondering. I'm getting Harlan vibes on this as well. But Big J hasn't had a story yet.

[Big J Okerson]

I know, right?

[Alex (Producer)]

Neither is Harlan, though.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, Harlan had one.

[Alex (Producer)]

He did?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. The. The air. The airplane.

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh, right, the plane. The terrorist.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Norman hasn't had a story yet.

[Alex (Producer)]

Right.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oo, look, by the way, we've had people win. Karen Fan won the show with having zero stories read on the show, so.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I'm not you.

[Harlan Williams]

And the food, though. Like that first one with the cookie. Yeast or whatever it was like this feels like you. Do you love to eat?

[Becky Lynch]

Look at me. Yeah, a little bit.

[Harlan Williams]

Like I can't eat. Makes me shit, you know?

[Alex (Producer)]

You too?

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah. Oasis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You know what? I'm gonna, I'm gonna get it going. I'm gonna go. Mark Norman. Yeah, I'm just going by the game of numbers here. It's kind of a weird story. I can see Mark, you know, big

[Big J Okerson]

spitz of peanut butter.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Calm down, Snoop Dogg. Jesus.

[Big J Okerson]

Y', all. Y' all. Nizzarts.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Mark Norman is my vote.

[Alex (Producer)]

Look at Jay grinning over there.

[Harlan Williams]

You big slice of Pumpkin pie. You.

[Alex (Producer)]

Something's up with Jay on this one.

[Big J Okerson]

It's Harlan.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Becky lynch votes for Harlan. Why do you think Harlan, Becky?

[Becky Lynch]

Because he keeps accusing me of doing it. Sneaky. Sneaky. Which I feel like is projected. Yeah, look at him, he's giggling. He's giggling like crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

Look at him, he's downright giddy.

[Becky Lynch]

Come on, stop.

[Alex (Producer)]

He's in a deep stage of dementia. I don't know if you've heard him speaking at all tonight.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Mark Norman votes for Becky Lynch. All of her answers are in Alex, whose story was story number five.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Story number five belongs to Becky Lynch.

[Harlan Williams]

Of course it was me. I knew it. I knew it.

[Becky Lynch]

Psychopath.

[Alex (Producer)]

That's a lady move.

[Harlan Williams]

I said it at the beginning with the partner thing. Why didn't you listen to me? Why didn't I listen to me?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Becky?

[Big J Okerson]

It is true, though. We all. Alex will change the thing to make it not obvious, girl or boy.

[Harlan Williams]

I know, but even with the change, I just. You knew.

[Alex (Producer)]

It's her.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Becky, who was this partner? What happened here?

[Becky Lynch]

So, okay, right, Writing was on the wall already, but my friend came over from Ireland and I used to work in this health food shop and they had this peanut butter machine so they would make this fresh peanut butter. And it was just the best peanut butter that I've ever had in my entire life. I love this peanut butter.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You should be fat. You make me sick. The amount of the passion she's talking about. Peanut butter and cookie dough.

[Big J Okerson]

I wish you knew what Lewis had to go through to look like this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I haven't had a carb in two months.

[Big J Okerson]

It's insane. He does three day fasts and he looks like this. And it's fine, but I mean, it's fine.

[Alex (Producer)]

Is that a shirt for a barbecue restaurant?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it is. Shout out.

[Alex (Producer)]

Terry Blacks.

[Big J Okerson]

Guy's a barbecue hype man.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah, sorry.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Go ahead, Becky.

[Becky Lynch]

So it was very rare and it cost like a good amount. And especially if you think about importing it now, this was before tariffs, but still it was. It was still quite expensive because, you know, the conversion rate and everything. And then I go, I was looking for the peanut butter, I find it. It's empty. Right? The betrayal. The absolute betrayal.

[Big J Okerson]

Put it back empty.

[Becky Lynch]

Gotta go.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that's psychotic.

[Becky Lynch]

Like, as if I'm not gonna notice.

[Big J Okerson]

And you broke up with him for that?

[Becky Lynch]

What is he doing? What else are you doing?

[Big J Okerson]

I'm indulged him for that and because he hit you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But she didn't think. She pretended it was okay. She's like no, no, it's okay. Shake my hand

[Big J Okerson]

anyways. He goes, nah. Should I do it? Should I shake his hand?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Get the out of my ass, you peanut butter stealing.

[Big J Okerson]

You peanut butter steel piece. Of

[Becky Lynch]

course it was me.

[Big J Okerson]

Go on, Alex, give the scores. She loves this. She sits over there and she loves this.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

In Last place with 0 points, Big J Okerson.

[Alex (Producer)]

Hello.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't, I don't know what I did to chip this bitch's clit, but she's got it out for me. She's got it out for me over there.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

In four. Fourth place with four points, Harland Williams. In third place with seven points, Luis J. Gomez. And tied for first place with 10 points each, Mark Normand and Becky Lynch.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, it's a slobber knocker.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Okay, let's take a quick moment to thank Body Brain Coffee for supporting the show. Story warriors. You know what's up? If you love coffee and you want to have an elevated coffee experience, Body Brain Coffee is the answer. I created this company about a year ago. It's functional coffee. So it's got mushrooms, it's got nootropics, and there's a lot of mushroom coffees on the market. They all taste like shit. First of all, we actually use real premium freeze dried Colombian coffee as a base base. And then we add the mushrooms, we add the adaptogens to it and gives it a really, really great flavor. But it's also got tonk out Ali, which has been linked to testosterone support. So if you're a dude that's worried about your testosterone depleting, the testosterone levels are down by hundreds of points on average in the past however many years. This is the answer. My testosterone's up. Jay, you're. You've never been more manly.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, it's insane growing hair everywhere, especially in your ass. My ass, my fingertips. It's getting crazy over here. Too much, man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Go check it out. Bodybraincoffee.com is the website. It's just five simple ingredients. You could drink it hot, drink it cold, put it in a protein shake. Go to pottybraincoffee.com use the promo code WAR20 and save 20 off your order today. Get a couple bags. If you subscribe, you're gonna get 20 off and you're gonna get free shipping. Bodybraincoffee.com okay, story warriors, let's take a quick moment to thank hims for supporting the show. Look, you might got Ed, you got some issues. Who knows, right? Do look, it's been a while. It doesn't Work as well as it used to work. Okay. You don't have to go to the doctor and have a weird conversation. You don't have to go and find the doctor. You don't have to spend a lot of money on this. You can simply, you have to go

[Big J Okerson]

to there and show them your floppy soft dick.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I assume that's the process when you go to the doctor in person and be like, look, doc.

[Big J Okerson]

And then he goes. And then he jerks you off a little bit and then he goes, nothing. And then he brings in a nurse to show her butt and then if nothing happens, it's crazy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, look, I'll tell you right now, they're going to give you personalized prescription treatments for ED, right? Online trusted generics that cost 95 less than the brand brand names. And they have other in house products as well like their hard mints and sex RX plus climax control 100% online access to personalized treatments. They bring the extra care right to you. I use hims. I'll tell you right now, not only do do I use it for ed, but I've been thinking about jumping into some of their hair loss or weight loss products as well. Jay. Because it's not just ed.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah. You are bald and fat also.

[Alex (Producer)]

It's true.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'll tell you right now, being bald and fat doesn't make my dick work any better. Better.

[Big J Okerson]

You are going to be a Frankenstein made up of hims products. Dude. Hims.com wars with a Z. That's hims.comh I m s.com warswithaz for your free online visit. Prescription is required. See website for details and important safety information. Sildenafil is a generic version of Viagra. Viagra is a registered trademark of Beatrice Specialty llc. HIMS is not affiliated with or endorsed by Virtual Beatrice.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, story warriors, let's talk about one of our favorite sponsors, which is gld. Incredible jewelry that feels incredible, looks great, has real gold in every piece. They got chains, rings, earrings, watches. This is the summertime, baby. You got to look like you're blinging it out. You want to be able to make the stories this summer and you got to look good while you're making those stories. And you don't have to spend an arm and a leg on great jewelry.

[Big J Okerson]

It's amazing. It's high quality craftsmanship, a great price. Real gold in every single piece. Handset stones, they are all. You and your son are rocking those things around. You look like brothers out there.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I know.

[Big J Okerson]

You're like night at The Roxbury doggy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And I'm also single and ready to mingle this summer, so I need a little bit of help for my Cuban link.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. Cuban link's doing a lot of the heavy lifting.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah. For the type of women that I want.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Drip for links.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Limited time if you want to. If you want a dumb slut, we're human links.

[Big J Okerson]

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[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex, story number six.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Story number six. When I was 22 years old, I had sex with my college professor.

[Big J Okerson]

How is this not Becky lynch who appears crushing professor? Yeah, none of us.

[Alex (Producer)]

Interesting.

[Harlan Williams]

Is there anyone on this DS that actually went to college?

[Big J Okerson]

I went to community college for like a month and a half. Devry my wish. At least I would have known. Heating and cooling? No, just Kman County Community College. Oh, wow.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I did one year community college. I did a half a year at Baruch College in New York City. 19 years old. Done with school. Completely. Not me.

[Alex (Producer)]

Did not a professor.

[Big J Okerson]

Did not a professor same. If he did, I'll suck his dick.

[Alex (Producer)]

Baton Rouge Community College.

[Harlan Williams]

You did?

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Harlan Williams]

Worst Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I name drop Mark.

[Big J Okerson]

Mark May. Mark may have. Mark may have a professor.

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh, man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What was his name?

[Alex (Producer)]

I was waiting for it. He had elbow pads.

[Big J Okerson]

Low hanging fruit.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That was his name. They called him the professor. Low hanging fruit.

[Harlan Williams]

Mr. Chips?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I think this is Mark Harland.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Did you go to college?

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah. I mean, no. Yeah, I did go to college.

[Big J Okerson]

University Phoenix Online college.

[Harlan Williams]

Sheridan College in Ontario, Canada. I studied classical animation.

[Alex (Producer)]

Whoa, what's that? Like Steamboat Willie?

[Harlan Williams]

That's like.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, great question.

[Harlan Williams]

That's for sure. She said.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Was it the old racist Popeyes?

[Alex (Producer)]

The black crows?

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, I did go to college. How old were you, nosy? I was. I was 18, 19 and 20.

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh, you dropped out, eh?

[Harlan Williams]

I was only three years. It's animation.

[Big J Okerson]

Guy's not doing heart surgery.

[Harlan Williams]

Geez. John Mickey Mouse. Come on, guy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Mark. Mark Norman slings dick. Or used to. Before he was married and had a kid, he used to sling dick. Mark, you're like a known guy in the New York scene for being able to get some good.

[Alex (Producer)]

I had a run.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think you that Guy's girlfriend.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, he does. Yeah, he fucking does.

[Alex (Producer)]

I was that guy.

[Harlan Williams]

I was your professor.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Your professor's here.

[Alex (Producer)]

How you doing, Mr. Johnson?

[Big J Okerson]

Lewis could be the person who died. Lewis is a coxman himself. But I will say, like, I think the college is also Lewis went to. They still call him teachers,

[Alex (Producer)]

right?

[Luis J. Gomez]

They would just give you a workbook

[Big J Okerson]

and be like, just do it yourself.

[Luis J. Gomez]

There was no teacher. It was just a room they would put us in.

[Big J Okerson]

And I don't think I'm playing the odds again. It can be. It's all random, but I'm playing the odds that it's not. Becky. Two in a row, but I do my out of the gates. I thought it was her, but the last story was her.

[Alex (Producer)]

Well, who knows what goes down in Ireland?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, who knows?

[Alex (Producer)]

You guys banging professors while you're homeschooled.

[Big J Okerson]

Dun, dun, dun. It's Middle Earth over there. You guys never been? It's all moats and castles from what I gather. I've never been. I'm sure it's beautiful.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I mean, I'm. I'm getting Mark Norman vibes on this. I'll get the voting going right now.

[Alex (Producer)]

I believe this is an honor.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think it's pretty honor obvious.

[Big J Okerson]

I do, too.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What'd you say, miss?

[Big J Okerson]

Eleven colleges.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Eleven colleges. Thank you, Miss. We want you to do that more.

[Alex (Producer)]

I don't know what that means.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can you just, at any given moment, just call out random thoughts?

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, Wiki Johnson. Thanks.

[Alex (Producer)]

Did you go to college, Big J?

[Big J Okerson]

I went to two months of Camden County Community College somewhere.

[Alex (Producer)]

Two months. That's enough to plant a seed.

[Big J Okerson]

It is. It is. Yeah, for sure. But again, those weren't professors. That was called 3rd, 13th grade.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It also said it was up the block.

[Big J Okerson]

I. I would. I would not go because there wasn't parking.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It says it was when I was 22 as well.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I was 22. I was all done. I didn't go to college. I was already in comedy for three years.

[Alex (Producer)]

Lewis.

[Big J Okerson]

Maybe he's dumb. All right, everybody's locked in.

[Alex (Producer)]

We're locked in.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I think it's just Mark. Come on, Alex. Alex, stop fisting me in the fucking ass.

[Alex (Producer)]

Come on, Big Al.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Story number six belongs to Mark. Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm in the game.

[Alex (Producer)]

How'd you know? How'd you know? Well played, Mark.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Didn't fool anybody here.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you go for it, dude. I believe you. Fucking do it and pull it off.

[Alex (Producer)]

Screenwriting teacher, Mrs. Frank Fritz. Well, miss, I don't know. She. Them He, Her. Who knows? Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So how'd you get her? Tell us the story.

[Alex (Producer)]

It's a crazy story. So I lived in the, you know, a shitty apartment. I had no money, with, like, six roommates. The shower didn't work, so I was the stinky guy at school because I couldn't shower.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Should have had some expensive deodorant.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah. So I was going around all the students like, hey, can I shower your place? I need a shower. It's brutal. I smell horrible. And I. As a joke, I asked the teacher, hey, can I shower at your place? She goes, all right, you can, but I'm having a dinner party tonight. And I was like, I'll be in and out. You won't even notice me. So I show up at her place. She's got pots boiling, a big table full of placemats and glasses and plates and silverware. And I'm like, oh, gee, this is a big party. So I go, I'll shower real quick. And she goes, well, have a glass of wine. And I was like, I'll have a quick glass and I'll get out of here. I don't want to be in the way. So we have a glass of wine. We're chatting, we're laughing, we're having a good time. I barely know this woman. Only as a teacher. So then I'm like, all right, I gotta get in the shower. She goes, have one more. I'm like, all right, I'll have another glass of wine. But there's food cooking. This pot's boiling. I'm like, all right, all right, one more. So I have another glass of wine. Wine. Then I'm like, I gotta get in the shower. There's people coming over. I'll get out of your hair. I'm in the shower, and I was, like, thinking, like, you know, kind of buzzing, like, am I gonna. This chick. It's crazy. She's my teacher. What are you. What are you, nuts? So I towel off, I get. I get dressed. And she goes, well, here's another glass. And I'm like, oh, all right. Where is everybody?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Teacher was a rapist.

[Alex (Producer)]

Well, I was 22.

[Big J Okerson]

You were prey for a predator?

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Harlan Williams]

Wait, what course was she teaching?

[Alex (Producer)]

Skank? No, no. I don't know.

[Harlan Williams]

Was it screenwriting?

[Big J Okerson]

But Screenwriting, right.

[Alex (Producer)]

Amateur. Yeah. She was anatomy. I don't know. So I go, all right, where is everybody? I gotta go. And she goes, I want you to come on my face. And I was like, oh, I don't. Right.

[Big J Okerson]

So did you negotiate?

[Alex (Producer)]

No, I. I went with it pretty quick.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She just said, I want you to come on my face.

[Alex (Producer)]

That's what she said right out of the gate.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Holy boner, Jack.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

What if she went? Who famously said that? It was just a test.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah, it's a Freud.

[Big J Okerson]

So I want you to cover my face.

[Alex (Producer)]

So we banged. We banged for hours. She was on her period, which was kind of crazy because it was a real bloodbath in there. And wow. It was fine. I'm not against it. Whatever, you know.

[Big J Okerson]

22.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah. And also, I took third period with her. And was she attractive? Very, very. Not very, but she was. She was pretty. So we went at it for a while and no one ever came over. She made up the whole thing. It was a ruse just to fuck you, I guess. But we ate the food.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And it only happened one time ever.

[Alex (Producer)]

One time ever. Then I went back to school. We act like it never happened. Wow. Really?

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like one day you're gonna have to sit across from a table from her and face your abuser. Like those shows.

[Alex (Producer)]

I love her.

[Big J Okerson]

Tell her how she hurt you.

[Alex (Producer)]

She gave me an A. I gave her the D. Yes. Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Mark. Mark was naked in one of the pots. Like a cartoon, cutting carrots into the pot.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't approve of what you did, Mark, but God damn it if I

[Luis J. Gomez]

don't respect it, I respect it. Alex, where are points at Jay's? Finally on the board, folks. Jay's on the board. It's never too late. With double points.

[Big J Okerson]

So Swee.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

On the board. In last place with four points, Big J Okerson. In fourth place with eight points, Harland Williams. In third place with 10 points, Mark Normandy. In second place with 11 points, Luis J. Gomez. And in first place with 14 points, Becky Lynch.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That is Becky loves winning. This is why she's a 13 time WWE woman champion.

[Big J Okerson]

We tell everybody a couple stories. In you're gonna get into the game. I'm not, but most everybody will.

[Harlan Williams]

How sad is it gonna be that we're all gonna be beat by Dr. Quinn, medicine woman over there?

[Becky Lynch]

Worst ways to go out,

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex. Story number seven.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Story number seven. I once stole someone else's dinner. They left it so open to be stolen that they were basically begging me to do it.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck you guys. J, you think I steal food?

[Luis J. Gomez]

This could be a young Big J.

[Big J Okerson]

Really? You think I just scavenge her around the tower for food? You guys vote for me.

[Harlan Williams]

I don't care.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm out. That's crazy. You think I stole.

[Alex (Producer)]

You guys, it's so vague.

[Harlan Williams]

Haven't we learned anything? Any of these to do with food?

[Alex (Producer)]

It's her. Yeah, true.

[Harlan Williams]

Good point.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But anything to do with stealing has been me so far.

[Alex (Producer)]

Aha.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, it was a tag team match.

[Alex (Producer)]

Mmm.

[Big J Okerson]

Still. Well, I will.

[Alex (Producer)]

It's a tough one.

[Big J Okerson]

Again, it's outside thing here. But Mark, I do like, historically well, loves food. And also, like, I've been out for food with Mark a few times at restaurants. And if you don't eat something, if you let him know, you're like, hey, I don't care if you have the other half of the sandwich he'll take. Bums me out because he's got a fantastic body. But yeah, Mark will snag some food for sure. But I don't know if it's stealing it.

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh,

[Luis J. Gomez]

I've stolen some food.

[Big J Okerson]

If he's so brazen he wants to let you know he will n. I'll take some.

[Harlan Williams]

But why is he going to steal food when his crazy teacher just fed him?

[Big J Okerson]

It is true. Did you just feed you a mouthful of Professor Bush?

[Alex (Producer)]

I know.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, see, I. I've stolen food. I wouldn't steal somebody's dinner, but I. I used to steal food all the time. I used to steal food when my. When My son was 2 years old. I was so.

[Big J Okerson]

All right. L. Miserab. All right.

[Alex (Producer)]

This guy over here, master of the house.

[Big J Okerson]

It was for my family.

[Alex (Producer)]

Keep my poor family.

[Big J Okerson]

My boy needs bread now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Bring me prisoner 24601. Your time is up and your paroles begun.

[Alex (Producer)]

No.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Me and my son would. I would. There was a barbecue spot in the back of a supermarket in Harlem, and Harlem. Williams and I would go in there, and you'd have to, like, order the barbecue, then bring it to the front and pay for it. So I would order it and just go to the back of the supermarket and feed it to my son, and we would eat it and walk out. He had no idea he was involved. He was 2.

[Big J Okerson]

What were you guys? The pursuit of happiness. Hat in hand. Can I have some food for me and my boy? What are you talking about? You lived in a place. You were fine.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But that's not somebody. That's not somebody else's dinner. I mean, technically, it is.

[Big J Okerson]

This could be hard. Like someone's entire dinner. Sounds like a Harlan thing where he's going to tell you every fucking course that he took for,

[Alex (Producer)]

I don't know, choosy moms choose Jif, I'm looking at you there.

[Big J Okerson]

She does covet her own peanut butter.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Maybe that's how she. This who ate her peanut butter what's what. By stealing his entire dinner.

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh, yeah, good point, Satsuma.

[Harlan Williams]

But Louis, with the 5. With the 5000$1, you pretty much told us you were a criminal. And now you're just telling us you still used to steal food. He's telling us again that it was him.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah. I have no. To this day, I steal.

[Harlan Williams]

Huh?

[Alex (Producer)]

Same.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Same to this day. It's fun.

[Harlan Williams]

I know.

[Alex (Producer)]

It's a thrill. Especially at an airport. Airport.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Airport. Toothpaste. They shouldn't charge that much toothpaste.

[Big J Okerson]

Airport. Airport. I don't steal from on purpose on airport. I steal because I. I scan it, I try to pay, and if it glitches twice, I'm taking it.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah, that's fair.

[Big J Okerson]

I tried my best, but I'm walking away with this.

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh, man. The beauty is you get on that flight, you're home free.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Alex (Producer)]

It's a great feeling.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. The sky. It's international waters, baby.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Until. Until Harlem gets on the micro sky mall.

[Big J Okerson]

Suck my dick.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Until Harlem gets on the microphone. He's like, if anybody stole anything from the airport, I will fight you.

[Big J Okerson]

I will, Goldberg, spear you if you attempt to do anything with this plane. Bring a box cutter. You wish. Try to stop a fucking hockey blade to the face.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Becky, you're being very quiet right now. What are you thinking?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, whoa.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That was a guilty laugh if I've ever seen one.

[Alex (Producer)]

Or was it a fake guilty laugh?

[Big J Okerson]

Have all the food ones been her? Yeah.

[Becky Lynch]

No. Is that true?

[Alex (Producer)]

Yes. Peanut butter.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, peanut butter. And. And the cookie dough. Oh, you know what? As someone who stays so physically fit, food really is your major temptation, I guess.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah, seems like it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Becky, did your mushrooms kick in just now? Just now?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I don't know. She's wigging.

[Harlan Williams]

I'm gonna throw a food. Yeah, that's true.

[Big J Okerson]

My first. My instinct was Harland, but I have Becky because she is unraveling.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah, right.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, all right, all right.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Big J puts the first vote in for Becky.

[Big J Okerson]

She's got the giggles hard.

[Alex (Producer)]

It's one of these two Canucks over here.

[Harlan Williams]

But he hasn't had one story yet,

[Alex (Producer)]

so it could be him.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah, I have.

[Harlan Williams]

Big J hasn't.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I have.

[Alex (Producer)]

No, I haven't had a story.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You got a lot.

[Big J Okerson]

Haven't I had a story? I had a story.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, he hasn't had a story.

[Big J Okerson]

Almost 100%.

[Harlan Williams]

That's it there. But I'm voting for Becky because she loves food.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Food.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Two votes. For Becky Lynch.

[Harlan Williams]

No.

[Becky Lynch]

Love food.

[Harlan Williams]

Doesn't love food.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What are you thinking, Norman?

[Harlan Williams]

What's going on?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Norman's deep in thought right now.

[Alex (Producer)]

I think it's one of these two

[Luis J. Gomez]

reminiscing about his college professor.

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh, yeah, that was a good, great meal. I never came on her face.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You didn't come on her face?

[Alex (Producer)]

No, I. I forgot.

[Harlan Williams]

Oh,

[Big J Okerson]

that's why you still gotta C in the class.

[Alex (Producer)]

C for come.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Your report card set. Doesn't follow instructions well, but tries hard.

[Alex (Producer)]

He doesn't apply himself.

[Harlan Williams]

Maybe it's you because you're stalling a lot more than you normally do.

[Alex (Producer)]

I'm not. I don't care for Stalin. More of a Hitler guy. All right. Right. I don't know. You're getting a little defensive, silver fox.

[Harlan Williams]

You want to have a shower?

[Alex (Producer)]

All right, hang tight. Heat a rivalry.

[Harlan Williams]

We already did. Stop putting the mic up your nose.

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh, sorry.

[Harlan Williams]

Sitting here beside Rudolph over here. He's like. Silver and gold.

[Alex (Producer)]

Silver.

[Harlan Williams]

Stop it.

[Alex (Producer)]

It's one of you two. She looks nervous, but she's been cool the whole time, so I. I worry it's a. It's a. A ruse.

[Harlan Williams]

You're Stalin.

[Big J Okerson]

She's doing kayfabe right now, dude.

[Alex (Producer)]

Kevin Federline. Yeah, yeah, they dress the same.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Hold on, Becky, what are you thinking?

[Becky Lynch]

I'm torn. I don't think it's you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So is his teacher.

[Becky Lynch]

But I do think it's one of you three.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You think it's one of us three?

[Becky Lynch]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So you think it's almost everybody on

[Becky Lynch]

the panel except for Mark? Yeah, and me.

[Big J Okerson]

The one person that wouldn't steal a meeting meal.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, we got to get the voting going, guys. What are you thinking?

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, I put Becky.

[Big J Okerson]

I did Becky. She got the giggles hard on that.

[Alex (Producer)]

Well, there's something strange about a guy who's voting so quick.

[Harlan Williams]

Well, cuz we've. If we haven't learned our lesson, every food one was her. So step up or step off or go suck a landmine.

[Alex (Producer)]

All right, all right.

[Big J Okerson]

Step off.

[Becky Lynch]

Why are you taking so long?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm kind of waiting to see what you guys are voting for.

[Big J Okerson]

That's how I feel. That's what I asked.

[Alex (Producer)]

Interesting.

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, you.

[Alex (Producer)]

You haven't voted either. What, are you going to put your laptop up there?

[Big J Okerson]

It's getting intense at the end. Nobody wants to vote.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Everyone wants to really win. Heated rivalry. This is a big deal.

[Alex (Producer)]

We haven't had. We had a J story.

[Big J Okerson]

It's. They said no, not yet.

[Harlan Williams]

No J story.

[Alex (Producer)]

The odds alone.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I'M emotionally removed from this round, so I.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, I'm gonna vote. We have just for the pure game of numbers and the fact that he's fat. I'm going. Big J Okerson, not no story. This is young Big J. Hungry Jay was homeless in his early years of comedy, just so you guys know. Yeah, he, he, he slept. That's one of my old favorite jokes of yours. When you were super young in comedy, you'd go up to people and be like, hey, I'm really hungry. They're like, yeah, okay, buddy.

[Big J Okerson]

Right. Sure you are. Oh, $337 down the wazoo. Well, sorry, guys. Game's over. Fuck this whole place. Damn, dude,

[Alex (Producer)]

I think it's you. Oh, damn it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Mark votes for Becky.

[Alex (Producer)]

I was Harlan. That fucker.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Becky votes for Harlan. Harlan's look excited, Alex, whose story is story number seven.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Story number seven belongs to Big J Okerson.

[Harlan Williams]

I told you. I told ya. Not one story yet.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I was right. You were a fat homeless guy on a bench stealing people's dinners.

[Big J Okerson]

No, it wasn't when I was, it wasn't when I was fat and homeless. Actually, the guy I met over there is from Jacksonville. When I was in Jacksonville doing the Comedies Zone a couple years back, I got back to my hotel room after the show. And the comedy zone's in a outdoor open air motel. And if you choose to stay there, which I do, because it's hilarious, it's just for like, it's battered wives and like hookers and me and. But late night there, by the way,

[Luis J. Gomez]

the Venn diagram of battered wives and hookers is very.

[Big J Okerson]

A lot of. Is it at my show.

[Alex (Producer)]

Battered Wife sounds delicious.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll tell you what, at one o' clock in the morning, when I wanted food and I was like, every. Even fast food places were shut off, were shut down. Everything was shut down. And I was like. So I went to my room and I was kind of. When I walked to my room, two doors over from me, someone had a delivery from Steak n Shake that was sitting in front of their door. And I went in my room and I was like, fuck. And I went, look, Steak and Shake's close. So I went down, I go, man, maybe they got a vending machine. I went down to the lobby, they go, yeah, we have a vending machine. The vending machine. The things inside of it were dusty. Like inside.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And I got a couple of things and I brought them out and they tasted dusty. When I went back up, I walked by, I'm like, man, that guy hasn't brought in a steak and shaken yet. And I went back in my room and I tried to eat some of the dusty shit. And I was like, this is so unsatisfying and awful. And I went outside to smoke a cigarette. When I went outside to smoke a cigarette, I was like, crazy. That guy hasn't grabbed his food yet. And then when I finish smoking a cigarette, I go, all right, there's gotta be some kind of like, cosmic rule, like, I'm taking it. So I snagged the bag and I left the drink because I was like, I don't want that flat ass soda. And then I went and I opened the sandwich and I took a bite and I go, it's cold, but I'm gonna eat it. And then once I sat there, fat pants unzipped and happy, I went out and I grabbed the soda. Because then I realized, might as well think none of it showed up versus some fatso just took your food, left you a soda. Hey, deal with this flat. So you throw this out, you jerk off.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right. Wow, Big J. Unkerson food.

[Alex (Producer)]

Feet

[Big J Okerson]

cold fries and a steak and shake burger. One bed. Here's the spot.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This is his convict hoodie.

[Big J Okerson]

That's the sound of the men kickback.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We have one more story.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait, we got our fucking points.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah, our points. I apologize.

[Alex (Producer)]

Why, Big Al, you sleepy?

[Big J Okerson]

Asshole.

[Alex (Producer)]

It's two in the morning.

[Harlan Williams]

All right.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

In last place with eight points, Harland Williams.

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh,

[Big J Okerson]

Wingman coming out soon.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Harlan Williams]

Check it out on Apple and Amazon May 26, and it's gonna be good. Get out there and support it. Thank you so much.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Tied for third place with 10 points each, big J Okerson and Mark Norman.

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh, I gotta say, step it up.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

In second place with 14 points, Becky Lynch.

[Alex (Producer)]

Came back to the winner.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

And in first place with 15 points, Lewis J. Gomez.

[Alex (Producer)]

There you go, rattlesnake.

[Big J Okerson]

Going into the last round, it is genuinely anybody's game. Everybody is still on the board and able to win this one. It can go any direction is this crowd. It's two in the morning, but I feel like this crowd's pretty hyped still. Yeah. One more story to decide who takes home Heated Rivalry by Rachel Reed. At its core, heated rivalry is about two men trying to balance love, identity and professional sports while pretending they mean nothing to each other in public.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's us.

[Big J Okerson]

It's emotional, intimate, and a defiant look at the price of being gay. In the spotlight of professional sports, Someone's taking it home. Anyone's game. Alex, stop fucking around. Over there. Give us story number eight.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Story number eight. I entered a bookathon at school to raise money for charity. I lied about the amount of books I sold, then skimmed $5 off the top to buy myself some ice cream.

[Big J Okerson]

Like Lewis did. This. This is what Lewis did last time week.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I've. Yeah, I mean we. Everyone has this exact story. Who didn't skim money off the bookathon thing?

[Alex (Producer)]

What the is a bookathon?

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's where you. You sell books, I'm assuming, to your friends and family.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, look who knows about bookathons.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Allons.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, well, well. Who's the master of bookathons? Out of nowhere. Wow.

[Alex (Producer)]

Then you bought ice cream.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Alex (Producer)]

That's a tough one. Well, Jay, you're dressed as sherbet.

[Big J Okerson]

I am, I am. I like to keep it light.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't think they had bookathons in Ireland. Right.

[Alex (Producer)]

They don't have cookie dough either.

[Becky Lynch]

We have free education over there.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Free education.

[Big J Okerson]

Bookathons, they don't have charity and they don't have $5.

[Alex (Producer)]

Bookathon.

[Big J Okerson]

I Harland.

[Harlan Williams]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, I was. I wasn't summoning you. I was. I was thinking maybe this could be you.

[Harlan Williams]

But no. When we wanted ice cream where I lived, we'd go to the Dairy Queen drive thru and we'd pull the zit faced kid working in there out, punch the living out of her, stuff her back in, and then tell them we didn't to want. Want ice cream anyway.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, you are a hockey player at your core. Just take no prisoners anywhere you go.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah, you got that right, Uncle Floyd.

[Alex (Producer)]

Taking money from charity Lewis would do that.

[Big J Okerson]

I would. I'm not gonna lie.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I have.

[Big J Okerson]

I've done some version of this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Alex (Producer)]

Really?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I sold candy in the ninth grade. We sold candy and I sold like 500 worth of candy. Candy. Spent all the money, gave all the. The school gave me the candy before I gave them the money. I gave all the candy out to everyone in school for no reason at

[Big J Okerson]

all to become more popular.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And then I had to. At the. My 12th grade, two days before graduation, they were like, you owe us $500. You can't walk graduation. And my mom beat the out of me.

[Big J Okerson]

That one was deserved. Yeah, I. I walked around, I collected money for Jerry's kids just from neighbors. And I got about 10 bucks. And then I told my grand. I told my grandma her that story because we're Jewish. I told her that story. Like. Like I figured out a plan. I was like, yo, guess What? I got 15 bucks or whatever. From, like, going around collecting for Jerry's. Because she goes, you can't do that. Give the money back. And I'm like, mom, mom, that ship has sailed. I'm not gonna go back to these people, be like, here's your $2 back. They're fine. Lesson learned. I won't do it again.

[Alex (Producer)]

But don't they know how many you sold? How do you lie about that?

[Becky Lynch]

That?

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I assume they got caught.

[Becky Lynch]

Ah.

[Big J Okerson]

And that's what turned Lewis to a life of ticket sales or whatever he did.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I wish I could sell tickets. Jesus. Mark Norman involved in any bookathons when you were a kid?

[Alex (Producer)]

No. I don't take from charity. What am I, Gavin Newsome?

[Big J Okerson]

This crowd loves and or hates? Hates him. I think this is Lewis. This is a Lewis. Lewis is a schemer, scammer, Low down, grimy piece of. Who just lives in the muck and loves to take a good thing.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And break it.

[Alex (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're willing to have a secret gay relationship with me?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So what does it say about you? That's your choice. I was born this way.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm tempted. Dude, your body draws me. I can't quit you. I want to, but you had me at doggy.

[Alex (Producer)]

Doggy style. What are you thinking? Horror?

[Harlan Williams]

I don't know. Once again, it's food. And it's like. Seems really nice. And, you know, I went for a charity and it just seems like Lady Lilliput over here as well. That's you. You love food.

[Becky Lynch]

Everybody loves food.

[Harlan Williams]

But you love it most.

[Becky Lynch]

He loves food too.

[Alex (Producer)]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Why me particularly? What do you think? Lewis is in fucking fighting shape right now. We're both doing. You don't know me. I was way worse. Most people here tonight have said how fantastic I look.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Harlan votes for Becky Lynch.

[Harlan Williams]

Becky.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Becky. The crowd or the crowds? Are you clapping for Jay or are you clapping because you think it's Becky Lynch? Sexy J, here's us. Becky, what are you thinking here?

[Becky Lynch]

I'm back to my original three and see there? It's one of you three.

[Big J Okerson]

Amazing Love ice cream.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I'm getting a Mark Norman vibe on this one.

[Alex (Producer)]

I'm getting a Lewis Fun.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Luis J. Gomez]

How about this? I'll put my vote in for you right now. You put your vote in for me, you piece of. We'll see what happens. We'll see where this goes.

[Alex (Producer)]

Interesting.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Let's see where this goes.

[Big J Okerson]

The standoff. The story. The famous story. War standoffs.

[Alex (Producer)]

Well, let's not forget about old. You should be fat Becky.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Becky is a fat girl. Name too, to be honest with you.

[Alex (Producer)]

True.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I've never met a skinny Becky in my entire life.

[Alex (Producer)]

You really are.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Think about every Becky you've ever met. That's a chubby.

[Alex (Producer)]

That's a good point.

[Big J Okerson]

Every day you wake up and fight being a tub of and that's what drives you to be a winner. I'm locked.

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh, you're up.

[Big J Okerson]

This is scumbag Lewis scumbagging these kids. Kids?

[Alex (Producer)]

But you've had like six stories already, haven't you?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I had two already. Yeah, but you could have three. You could have three in a row. We had one time. Somebody had three in a row. It was crazy. Yeah. Becky is putting Mark Norman down.

[Alex (Producer)]

Jay, you like to read? You got readers on right now.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't read. I've read 20 books in my life. Most assigned the Quran. He when it was the Quran. I when they went twice cover to cover to make sure I understood, I go, you want me to do that? All right. I'll lay low until the time is right.

[Alex (Producer)]

Mark.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Waiting on you, my friend. What do you think?

[Alex (Producer)]

All right. You seem too confident. I thought it was Lewis, but he seems.

[Big J Okerson]

If it is Mark, it's fucking batshit to. He's holding on.

[Alex (Producer)]

Sorry, sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you're fine, Becky.

[Becky Lynch]

Or.

[Alex (Producer)]

Or Lou. Cuz you went to Canada. They got books in Canada, not in Ireland.

[Luis J. Gomez]

If this is Big J and he has a come from behind victory right now, people will lose their minds.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, well, dry your pussies.

[Alex (Producer)]

A tough one. Harlan, what do you think?

[Harlan Williams]

Well, I voted, Becky.

[Alex (Producer)]

Oh, you did?

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah. So maybe you rounded out with Lewis.

[Alex (Producer)]

Interesting.

[Harlan Williams]

Or. But not me. Just not me.

[Big J Okerson]

I voted for you.

[Alex (Producer)]

It's good poker face. All right. Oh, we did a couple Becky stories already though, didn't we?

[Big J Okerson]

Doesn't matter.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But you can't have more than two stories. There's no rule.

[Alex (Producer)]

All right, I'll go Big Beck.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Big Beck. Let's see.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, look how happy he is.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All of our answers are in.

[Alex (Producer)]

Lewis is thrilled, you're thrilled.

[Big J Okerson]

You can't. You can't hold in your happiness.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

The final story of the night.

[Alex (Producer)]

I should have gone with my gut wrongs too.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Becky Lynch,

[Luis J. Gomez]

A third food story.

[Big J Okerson]

All of your temptation is food.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's always stealing food.

[Big J Okerson]

Have you never met a black guy?

[Becky Lynch]

First of all, I wasn't from charity technically, and I kind of gave it away in the beginning because I was like, oh, we have free education because it was from the school. I robbed the money from the school. Not a charity. The bookathon was for the school.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But they gave the money to charity. You indirectly stole from dying children, Becky. And that is the type of attitude you need to be a 13 time women's WWE champion. Is there. Is there any more context to this story?

[Becky Lynch]

So there is some more context to it. So I. Yeah, I did do that, but it was to raise money for the school. I think it was the heating or something. Something in the school. You know, I. We could be cold. We're used to it. We're Irish. You put on a jumper, it's grand. But then, so anyway, because I didn't want to just come home and suddenly be really rich because, you know, it was five euros, but. Oh, no, five pounds at the time, which was a lot of money back then.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's also what Mark did to his teacher.

[Becky Lynch]

But. But so. So then, anyway, so I came into my house and I thought that I'd be real smart, and I was like, oh, did anybody lose a fiver? Thinking, okay, this will explain why I'm rich all of a sudden. But my dad goes, I did. So the fucker took it off me. So I didn't even get to eat my ice cream.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Your dad is the real winner here tonight.

[Big J Okerson]

And that's what drove you into the army to the Rock,

[Harlan Williams]

Alex.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I have no idea who won. Give us our final points.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

All right, in last place with 10 points, big J. Okerson. In fourth place with 12 points, Harland Williams. In third place with 14 points, Mark Norman.

[Big J Okerson]

He showed. He showed.

[Alex (Story Reader)]

Second place, scored 15 points. And your winner tonight with 18 points, Becky Lynch.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Holy.

[Big J Okerson]

Holy shit. Holy shit.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Holy shit, Holy shit.

[Big J Okerson]

Holy shit, everybody.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Becky lynch, you are the newest story warrior here, which means now that you're in a very elite group, you can say the phrase that pays.

[Big J Okerson]

You know, you get. You get the trigger. Now,

[Luis J. Gomez]

That must feel as good as winning the title of the Garden.

[Becky Lynch]

Probably better.

[Harlan Williams]

Probably.

[Big J Okerson]

Probably. Everybody, how about a big round of applause for our amazing panel. The great Mark Norman. The great Haran Williams. Your newest story Warrior the man, Becky Lynch. Thank you guys for hanging in. Now, this is story wars. I'm big j okerson.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm louis j. Gomez.

[Big J Okerson]

Until next time. Peace. Good night.

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[Big J Okerson]

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