"Alien Abductions" w/ Jake Cornell

Summary

StraightioLab – "Alien Abductions" w/ Jake Cornell (May 12, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this episode, hosts George Civeris and Sam Taggart are joined by returning guest and comedian Jake Cornell to dissect the straight-culture phenomenon of "alien abductions." The conversation veers off across a galaxy of topics—eye color privilege, Instagram infographics, the 1%, metaphysics, and the queerness of supernatural beliefs—while always orbiting the central question: Why are alien abductions such a straight thing? Expect the usual blend of interrogative comedy, philosophical musing, and plenty of rapidfire queer wit, as the hosts (and guest) hold a mirror up to the absurd richness of both gay and straight culture.

---

Main Discussion Themes & Key Segments

1. Barbershop Banter & Relationship Parallels

• Opening (02:56–06:08):
  • George recounts a melancholic barber visit contrasted with another client's lively chat, likening it to seeing a couple more in love than his own hypothetical relationship with his barber.
  • Sam and George riff on levels of intimacy with barbers—ranging from family dynamics to BDSM-esque power exchanges about hair products:
    "My barber was voting for Trump, and I would just nod at the things I agreed with and change the subject on what I didn't." – George (04:40)
  • Touches on the distinctive nature of closeness with straight vs. queer barbers and the performativity of gay conversation in hetero spaces.

2. The Power and Futility of Online Activism

• Infographics, Black Squares, and Virtue Signaling (13:34–18:07):
  • The trio debate whether Instagram infographics actually change minds or are just social currency.
  • Jake tells the story of being accused of slut-shaming over a health infographic about monkeypox (14:15).
  • Notable quote:
    "Posting a black square was considered not enough—infographics are the same empty gesture with a different flavor." – George (15:57)
  • They link the performative solidarity acts on social media to the tradition of bumper stickers:
    "Bumper stickers are the OG infographics." – Jake (17:16)

3. The Queerness of Conspiracy and the Straightness of Alien Abduction

• Alien Abductions as Straight Phenomenon (34:19–39:32):
  • Jake posits that aliens "happen to straight people," while ghosts and mystical experiences are for queer folk.
    "None of us know a queer person who's been abducted by aliens—queer people encounter ghosts." – Jake (35:39)
  • Alien abduction stories are coded as rural, reproductive, warlike, and xenophobic.
  • Queerness is framed as connection-oriented, interested in the unseen present (spirits), whereas straightness looks outward and upward (aliens, invasions).

4. Probing Deeper: Home, Gender, and the Supernatural

• Home, Myth, and Identity (41:19–43:49):
  • The panel draws a sharp line: ghost stories happen in the home (a traditionally feminine/queer space), while alien abductions pull straight men out into the macro, into "logging jobs" and open roads.
  • Sam:
    "With ghosts, you're respecting the family, the history. With men, it's 'if something else is here, it's coming from space.'" (42:56)
• Queer Belief in the Immaterial (40:06–41:08, 59:12–60:05):
  • George frames rationalism and metaphysical uncertainty—a belief in the "unknown" over the easily understood physical monster.
  • Jake:
    "If there was a Bigfoot, we would have seen it... but psychic ability? Maybe." (59:56)

5. Pop Culture, Art, and What to Show the Aliens

• Media Memories (62:03–62:37):
  • They share formative pop culture alien moments: Disney Channel’s So Weird, Signs, and Animorphs.
• If Aliens Arrived, What Art Would You Show Them? (65:27–69:40):
  • Hilarious existential spiral about what best exemplifies humanity: "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me," Anne Geddes baby photos, Britney Spears’ “Everytime,” or just a soy cortado and a stroll.
  • Notable moments:
    • "You confront how not fallible humans are, but how uncertain it all is... every artwork I think is a masterpiece is because I know the context." – George (69:04)

6. Gayness, Sweetness, and Sweet Tea

• Shout-Outs and Dessert Discourse (78:18–84:10):
  • Jake shouts out Twisted Tea as an "underappreciated gay beach beverage," launching a tangent about the millennial obsession with “not too sweet” foods and drinks.
  • Jake:
    "It is incredibly chic to like genuinely sweet things. What you are trying to obfuscate by adding a savory component is humiliating. You should be humiliated." (82:41)
  • The hosts reminisce on the joy of sending someone a drink at a restaurant—a "lost culture" act of civility.

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• "Being afraid you're going to be abducted by an alien? It's the same as being afraid that feminism is going to ruin men." – George (37:21)
• "It's very straight to believe in imaginary conspiracy theories and very gay to analyze real ones. I know who the enemy is. It's not aliens." – George (38:30)
• "If aliens come, our only hope is if they find true beauty in our art—and it's not going to happen because all our art is AI now." – Jake (64:42)
• "If you got abducted and were the only gay guy in the group, but you came back and were the only one who got jerked off—it's like, you're not beating the stereotype." – George (55:00)
• "The gay dream is to communicate with the aliens and coexist, whereas the straight dream is to dominate them." – George (71:00)
• "Part of why gay people don’t care about aliens is that when you grow up different, the world already has a sheen of mystery—you don’t need to imagine something from outer space just to feel wonder." – George (57:50)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | |-----------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:56 | Barber shop relationship metaphors | | 06:27 | Welcoming Jake Cornell; eye color privilege tangent | | 13:34 | Infographics, black square activism, virtue signaling | | 18:07 | Debates over the Met Gala, wealth optics, and “the 1%” | | 34:19 | Alien abductions as straight phenomena; queerness of ghost narratives | | 41:19 | Home, masculinity, and the supernatural | | 47:24 | Do gay people care about space? (Spoiler: not really) | | 55:00 | What if you’re the only gay abductee? Stereotypes and media spins | | 62:03 | Formative pop culture aliens | | 65:27 | What art would you show the aliens? | | 78:18 | Shout-outs: Twisted Tea, sending drinks at restaurants, etc. | | 82:41 | Sweetness in millennial food culture |

---

Tone & Style

The episode’s tone, as always, is irreverent, meta-comedic, and rich with very online, hyper-self-aware banter. The hosts and guest seamlessly hop from the silly to the trenchant, self-roasting in real-time and picking apart their own (and each other's) ideas with a mix of warmth, rivalry, and intellectual play.

---

Concluding Vibes

This episode delivers quintessential StraightioLab energy—a spiraling, sparkling debate that manages to connect Instagram activism, haunted trucks, gay telepathy, the semiotics of soy cortados, and Celine Dion baby photos to the supposedly straight-coded myth of alien abduction. It’s a must-listen (or must-read-synopsis) for anyone who wants intellectual comedy that’s both laugh-out-loud and sneakily profound.

---

Shout-Outs

• Twisted Tea – For being a highly drinkable, more-gays-should-discover-this beach beverage (80:19).
• Pulitzer-nominated guests – George shouts out StraightioLab alumni who are Pulitzer finalists/winners (78:18).
• Lost rituals – Sending drinks across restaurants: “one of the single chicest things you can do” (85:01).

---

For full video episodes: check YouTube
For bonus content: patreon.com/stradioLab
Tour dates for Jake Cornell: check his socials and see him live for new material! (77:20)

Transcript

[Narrator/Announcer]

This is an iHeart podcast, Guaranteed Human.

It's a celebration 250 years in the

making, and we want everyone in America, from Maine to Montana, from Alabama to Alaska, to be a part of it.

This year marks America's 250th anniversary, and we're coming together from coast to coast at star spangled events, live performances, and the largest day of giving in American history.

Join the nationwide [e-mail]

[Advertiser Voice]

you fired up the grill, you strung the lights, you even cleaned the patio furniture. But let's be honest, your cornhole set is an embarrassment. This summer. Level up with official American Cornhole League gear. We're talking pro quality boards, bags and everything you need to become the undisputed backyard champion of your entire neighborhood. Or at least beat your brother in law. Shop [e-mail] because summer's too short for bad Cornhole.

[Sam Taggart]

Hey everyone, it's Kel Penn. I'm inviting you to join the best

[Jake Cornell]

sounding book club you've ever heard with

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

my podcast, Hearsay, The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. Every episode, I nerd out with amazing guests and dive into the best new audiobooks available on Audible. It's the book club for your ears. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart

[Jake Cornell]

audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

wherever you get your podcasts.

[Sam Taggart]

Eczema's Unrelenting Itch and Rash if you know the feeling, you should know the facts. The eczema medication you're taking may not be right for you. Visit myrawtruth.com and talk to your dermatologist about your symptoms and treatment options. Hello all. It is Sam with a quick show announcement. First of all, I'm doing my hour again in LA on May 14. All the other ones have sold out, so I recommend you get tickets asap. And then get this. I'm doing a tour this summer. The so pretty much I'm touring tour. I'll be doing my hour in San Francisco, Seattle, Portland in July, D.C. philly, Chicago in August, and then Boston at the beginning of September. And there may be a couple other cities and dates sprinkled in there, but those are the ones I have ticket links for now. So I'm saying run, run, run to my bio and get tickets for all those beautiful, beautiful cities. I cannot wait to see you. Okay, that's pretty much it. So enjoy the episode. Bye. Podcast starts now. What is up everyone around the globe? We're coming at you from New George. How the hell are you?

[George Severis]

I'm Fantastic. I had an experience today at the barber, which is that it needs some time to grow. So don't.

[Sam Taggart]

It looks amazing.

[George Severis]

We can't. Today's not the day.

[Sam Taggart]

Everyone knows it looks amazing.

[George Severis]

Didn't put conditioner on. Okay. The point is, my barber and I were silently having a work interaction, as in, he was cutting my hair, which is his job, and I was being a client. And then.

[Sam Taggart]

That's the worst way to phrase it.

[George Severis]

Next. Next to us, there was a different barber with a different client, and they were kikiing, like, having an amazing time, and in fact, talking about FX's American love story. Excuse me, Global. And so the client, who was gay, was explaining the concept of love story. And then somebody actually goes, I just. I'm really into nostalgia. But that's not the point of the story. The point of the story is that it was like being on a date and seeing another couple being so in love. But we are, like, have been together for years. Your love has died, and our love has died. And we could both feel it because we were both overhearing the only other sounds in this barbershop, which were the other people, like, truly having the kiki of a lifetime and, like, talking about how they both love nostalgia. And then at different points, we each tried to wreck. We each tried to start a conversation, but it didn't really happen.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. Have you seen Devil Wears Prada?

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

No.

[George Severis]

He actually. He went with what Are youe Up to the Rest of the Day? And I locked.

[Jake Cornell]

Oh.

[George Severis]

I was like, I can't. I have no idea what to say to this. What am I gonna say? I'm going to Midtown to record my gay comedy podcast.

[Sam Taggart]

I think you should let him in. I think this is part of the reason why you're going distant is you're not letting him in.

[George Severis]

I don't know who he's voting for.

[Sam Taggart]

George, you have all these walls. You need to break them down if you want to have a close relationship with your barber.

[George Severis]

The closest relationship I've ever had with my barber is in 2016, when my barber was voting for Trump, and I would just sort of follow him on. If he had any critiques of Hillary Clinton I agreed with, I would just nod vigorously. And then when he would get to the ones I didn't agree with, I would change the subject. And I think he just, like, allowed us to sort of like. Like, I think he thought that we were basically in agreement about everything.

[Sam Taggart]

Sure, sure. You treat him like a family member.

[George Severis]

Yeah, exactly.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, that's tough. I can't imagine what that's like. Cause me and my barber are so close, you know, we have no secrets between us. Oh, right.

[George Severis]

Cause he's bi.

[Sam Taggart]

No, he's straight. Even today, I was sort of like, ugh, he's gonna be mad at me. Cause I'm not using the product he gave me for my hair. And I know that he wants to.

[George Severis]

Okay, you guys are in a BDSM relationship. You're sending nudes in disappearing mode on Instagram.

[Sam Taggart]

He has my pathetic hair in a cage, and I have to show him how good I am at it.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

So that's not the relationship that I have with my barber, ultimately.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, you should switch. I do sometimes feel bad for the other gay barbers in the barbershop because

[George Severis]

they're like, he's straight.

[Sam Taggart]

And I'm, like, being so fun and free with him.

[George Severis]

Well, you're being not like other gays. Yeah, we were literally kind of Pedro Pascal mode. Exactly.

[Sam Taggart]

We were literally talking about anal sex. And, you know, then the gay barber next door has to, like, cut a child's hair.

[George Severis]

Right. And it's like, you can't talk to that child about anal sex. That would be a reality.

[Sam Taggart]

I have no idea.

[George Severis]

That would be so inappropriate. I would have to call the community.

[Sam Taggart]

Should we bring in our guest?

[George Severis]

I think that we must.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, we're so thrilled to have him back on the podcast, especially in a more professional setting. That's right. I actually have a very vivid memory of when you did the podcast. Last time. We tried to. We were doing clips, barely. And the clips had no video. They were simply audio over a still image. And I think that's so quaint and chic.

[George Severis]

It's true. And would you believe it? Those clips don't do well. Would you believe that no one is jonesing to share a static image with sort of like sound wave over it and then closed captions that don't quite match up with what's being said, but I do. And three identical gay voices.

[Sam Taggart]

But I do remember this particular clip doing better than you would think for it being a static image.

[George Severis]

Right. It was the power of what you were saying.

[Sam Taggart]

Some things can transcend their medium.

[George Severis]

And it was mostly about vaccines, if I remember correctly.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, that's what I remember as well.

[George Severis]

So, Jake Cornell.

[Sam Taggart]

Hi.

[George Severis]

What's up?

[Jake Cornell]

Wow. I'm so happy to be back and happy to be on video this time.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. How does it feel?

[George Severis]

And you're in our new studio, which we've tinted green to match our Brad Summer.

[Jake Cornell]

Nice.

[George Severis]

Nice. Yeah. Do we have similar colored eyes.

[Jake Cornell]

I have green eyes. So that's up to you and what your eyes are.

[George Severis]

See, that's interesting. I grew up with the belief that I had blue. I'm kind of like Rachel Dollarjal in this way. Like, I grew up with the belief that I have blue eyes, but I do literally have green eyes, I think.

[Jake Cornell]

Right. But also, it's like everyone who has blue eyes, like, we have the ability to turn. Or everyone who has green eyes, we have the ability to turn them blue when they need blue.

[George Severis]

But then you meet someone with true blue eyes, and you're like, oh, I'm a fraud.

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, no, I don't think I'm a fraud because I like that I have green eyes. It's, like, sort of different to me. I feel like green eyes is the most, like, indie girl of them.

[Advertiser Voice]

I completely agree.

[Jake Cornell]

Green eyes is very, like. Cause it also. You get to eschew the, like, Aryan race connotations of blue. It's like, well, I have green, and that's sort of like. It's like, not actually, but like, if you put them on a spectrum, it feels like green is closer to, like, brown than blue, I guess. It kind of literally isn't. Like, colors are on the blue. So it's like. So it feels like. It feels like this really kind of niche place to be.

[George Severis]

I completely agree. There's something very, like, Mediterranean about it. There's something sort of.

[Jake Cornell]

It's sort of like you have rich parents, but they got rich, like, totally. Ethically.

[George Severis]

Yes. You know, it's not generational wealth.

[Jake Cornell]

It's not generational wealth, but it's also not, like, evil. It's not nouveau. No, no, no. It's something really unique.

[George Severis]

Just to be clear, it's not nouveau.

[Jake Cornell]

No.

[George Severis]

It's urban creative.

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah. Yeah.

[George Severis]

Your parents are artists that got famous in the 70s when you could be

[Jake Cornell]

an artist in New York City. Having green eyes is the exact level of privilege that Lena Dunham had from her parents.

[George Severis]

That's basically what I was saying.

[Jake Cornell]

That's what green eyes is. And the eye color privilege spectrum is like. It's like Lena having green eyes is the Lena Dunham of green of eyes. Yes.

[George Severis]

And people will accuse you because as people accused her of having more privilege than she does.

[Jake Cornell]

Exactly.

[George Severis]

That's the risk you run, is that you could be accused of having people

[Jake Cornell]

always say, I got straight away because I had green eyes.

[George Severis]

That's right.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

I had to.

[Sam Taggart]

The legwork.

[George Severis]

Yeah. It's the leg work.

[Jake Cornell]

Jodi Herefon talked about my last episode of Stradio.

[Sam Taggart]

Please.

[Jake Cornell]

I went on no less than three dates in the year or two following that episode coming out, where the person revealed to me on the date that they had pursued the date after hearing me on straight.

[George Severis]

Oh.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, interesting.

[George Severis]

That is so interesting.

[Jake Cornell]

I don't think he was mentally well.

[George Severis]

Huh. You know, few people are.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. In this city. That's what keeps it running. The mental illness.

[George Severis]

I have actually, like, reformed mental illness in my brain where I. Rather than pointing out the different illnesses people have, I now only comment if someone is normal. And I'm like, they have. This person was diagnosed with normal. Isn't that so interesting? How long are they gonna last?

[Sam Taggart]

Well, as you know, I'm often ostracized for being normal. Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

I feel similarly for being totally neurotypical and unmedicated. I'm like, it's insane that I think I can be an artist.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. People get so upset, and then they're like. And you don't even wear contacts. And that's when they start. That's when they get violent.

[Jake Cornell]

Well, I always say that one of the worst things that ever happened to me was that nothing was medically wrong with me as a child.

[Sam Taggart]

No.

[George Severis]

Completely.

[Jake Cornell]

One of the worst things. One of the hardest days of my life, when I was told, I remember, like, the orthodontist looking me dead in the face. The orthodontist that I forced my mother to take me to being like, you do not need braces. And I was like this. I can't imagine what.

[George Severis]

To not need braces and to not need glasses.

[Jake Cornell]

I mean, it was unbelievable. And to have a sister that severely needed both.

[George Severis]

Yeah. No, the burden of being poor.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, well, that's scary.

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

When the family's disrupted by one not needing stuff and one needing a lot of stuff, that can be really scary.

[George Severis]

Do you have survivor's guilt from not needing braces or glasses, but having a sister that needed both?

[Jake Cornell]

No. I have deep. I had deep envy. And I was first. You know, I was old, so I don't have survivors skill. I have more guilt about the blatant privilege I receive for being older and a boy.

[George Severis]

Totally.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, sure, sure, sure.

[George Severis]

It's interesting.

[Jake Cornell]

Which then I counteracted by being gay.

[George Severis]

Oh, is that why you became gay?

[Jake Cornell]

No. And I actually think in my family, it sort of actually got me more points. Like, I think. Yeah, I think. Cause I'm fun, Right?

[Sam Taggart]

Well, it does swing back around.

[George Severis]

Of course.

[Jake Cornell]

Of course, of course. Of course.

[Sam Taggart]

Cause in high school, they're like, Please don't be gay. That's embarrassing for all of us. But then when you're like, 30 something, it's like, wait, this rocks.

[George Severis]

The moment when you realize that you being gay is now a plus in the family is actually like, kind of a big. I would say that happened to me pretty late, like, like early 30s, where I realized definitively, like, I'm an asset here. It is no longer something people are talking about in hushed tones. It's actually something my mom's, like, bragging about as. As though she, like, got a new blazer.

[Jake Cornell]

To the point where I've also had to realize this is something really interesting that happened. I have had to realize that I need to not perspect. Like, I need to not perceive myself within the family as, like, as marginalized as I think I am. Because something really interesting that happened to me, like, during the election was I had this. I had these cousins who my sister was really close with that I was like, fuck them. Like, they're Republican. They're Trump supporters. My sister was out to dinner with them, and she was like. She called me, like, after dinner, and she's like, hey, J, I have to tell you that during dinner, we were talking and they were like, yeah, we're actually fully Democrats and voted for Kamala. But Jake is literally such a bitch to us. We've never had a chance to tell him.

[George Severis]

Oh, wow.

[Jake Cornell]

And I, like, thought about my behavior towards them for the last, like, two years, and I was like, that is on me. Like, I. You can believe me.

[George Severis]

How are you going to coalition build if you can't even do it within your own family?

[Jake Cornell]

Don't you? And exactly. And also to be so happy for them. I'm like, they actually called a gay guy a bitch. And they were right.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, well, they have, like, a 90% chance of being right.

[George Severis]

They became Democrats so they could ethically call a gay guy a bitch.

[Jake Cornell]

And if that's what it takes, Mama.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, I mean, I still. I don't want to put all the blame on you. Like, why weren't they posting?

[Jake Cornell]

Well, they're on Facebook.

[Sam Taggart]

Sure. So they are posting.

[Jake Cornell]

So I think they're posting.

[George Severis]

Oh, the entire time they were posting fully, like, still.

[Jake Cornell]

No, I don't think. I think it's also, like, I also think. I don't know. I can interrogate them about the posting. I could get some points back this way. Hey, so if you had been posting.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. Why aren't you posting?

[Jake Cornell]

They have, like, four young kids, though. It's like they are busy no excuse.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay.

[Jake Cornell]

Having four. What's more effective?

[Sam Taggart]

George? George.

[Jake Cornell]

What's more effective? Posting on Facebook or raising four children with ethical values that will hopefully become voters one day?

[George Severis]

I just want to say some of the biggest posters on Facebook have four children, literally. Facebook runs on the post upstairs, and those children are often unvaccinated. Yeah, totally.

[Sam Taggart]

Totally. I just think, you know, maybe you can raise your four children to have some slightly progressive values, but if you're posting, you could raise over 1,000 children.

[Jake Cornell]

An infographic is worth three children.

[Sam Taggart]

Literally. We're doing the work. Every time we reshare something that's like 17, people's minds have changed.

[Jake Cornell]

What is the morality of an infographic that actually does a really good job of conveying of information but is made by generative AI?

[George Severis]

Oh, no. That's really interesting.

[Sam Taggart]

That's amazing.

[Jake Cornell]

I think it's a quandary. It's still bad, right?

[Sam Taggart]

It's bad. I mean, infographics, of course. We're kidding. They don't actually work.

[Jake Cornell]

No, they're awful.

[Sam Taggart]

But, you know, shout out to things. They do, though.

[George Severis]

Oh, not in a mass way, but sometimes I will learn something I've learned from infographics. And that's kind of like. In fact, someone.

[Jake Cornell]

I was canceled for Instagram. I wanted to cut this again. I don't actually wanna cut it up.

[Guest or Interviewee]

Wait, please.

[Sam Taggart]

I wanna know.

[Jake Cornell]

Okay, we don't have to cut it. I was. I once posted an infographic. I was asked by an organization to share an infographic.

[George Severis]

The rnc?

[Jake Cornell]

No. The nra?

[George Severis]

No.

[Jake Cornell]

About Monkeypox when it was first hospital.

[George Severis]

Oh, yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

That's tough.

[George Severis]

You can't be responding to people asking you to post about Monkeypox.

[Jake Cornell]

And it was. Some very righteous people got very mad at me.

[Sam Taggart]

What were they mad about?

[Jake Cornell]

They said the point of the post. I'm gonna get in trouble for this. Basically, the point of the post. The point of the post was to communicate, like, the different ways you could cut risk by, like, maybe slowing down your sexual behaviors for a few weeks during the spike? And that was discriminating against. That was. That was slut shaming and discriminating against sex workers and a few other things.

[George Severis]

This is so classic.

[Sam Taggart]

This is.

[Jake Cornell]

I bet you. I bet you if you wanted to guess who tried. Who, like, tried to cancel. No. You could guess it in three guesses. I know it for a fact. We can't do it on Mike, but you could.

[George Severis]

Okay, we have to move on.

[Sam Taggart]

We can't do this.

[Jake Cornell]

We'll have to move.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, but no. That was such a quaint.

[Jake Cornell]

Also, I should. I don't. We hate.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, my God. This is the. We can't do this episode.

[Jake Cornell]

Sorry. You guys are my friends. I keep on thinking we're in the alley at Animal, and we're in Iheart Studios.

[Sam Taggart]

We're deep in Midtown, where it's all happening.

[George Severis]

You know my big take about the black square?

[Jake Cornell]

Not that bad. You loved it. I didn't love it. Your shirt's an homage to it. It's tattooed on his hack.

[George Severis]

Here's.

[Jake Cornell]

Could you imagine if you were someone, you take off their shirt, black square tattoo.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, that'd be amazing. And it had, like, an Instagram, like, drawn around it. So, you know the old school Instagram.

[Jake Cornell]

Oh, my God.

[George Severis]

So here's.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, here. I know this. I know where you're going, you know,

[George Severis]

because I've explained this to you.

[Sam Taggart]

Yes. Hit him with it.

[George Severis]

So the idea that posting a black score was bad was that you should actually post something, quote, unquote, more meaningful. Like, that was. It was like, don't post a black square. Post literally an infograph at the time. That was the antidote. Yeah, but the thing with infographics is that they are treated by the viewer as the exact same thing as black square. No one is stopping in the infographic, going to your link tree and clicking the three places that you have to donate it is the same level of virtue signaling as posting a black square.

[Sam Taggart]

Of course.

[Jake Cornell]

But what's the point?

[George Severis]

And if anything, there's something more humble about it because you're joining the chorus. You're saying, I'm, like, wearing a little pin, I'm showing my solidarity, and then I'm moving on.

[Sam Taggart]

You're at least being like, I don't really know what's going on, but I don't support it.

[Jake Cornell]

Also, fast forward, fast forward six years, and people now are getting canceled for quite literally not virtue signaling exactly. Like, so it's like, is it better? Is it good? Is it good?

[George Severis]

It's also like.

[Sam Taggart]

It is.

[Jake Cornell]

Okay. It's really funny that you know what my straight topic is. Oh, my God.

[George Severis]

Is it related?

[Sam Taggart]

No, no, no.

[Jake Cornell]

It couldn't be last, and that's why it's funny.

[George Severis]

But I just.

[Jake Cornell]

It's like, there's something.

[George Severis]

It's also not everyone has to literally be articulate about every issue. So sometimes it's. You could just put a bumper sticker on your car and just be like, I'm pro. I am pro justice, and that's enough, George.

[Jake Cornell]

Bumper stickers are the Original infographic.

[George Severis]

Yes.

[Jake Cornell]

Literally, it just blew my fucking mind.

[George Severis]

Bumper stickers, pins, little stickers on your laptop.

[Jake Cornell]

It's the same exact thing as like, oh, I know that this person's mom is safe because they have an hrc.

[Sam Taggart]

Exactly.

[Jake Cornell]

Equals thing on their bumper.

[George Severis]

If I see an HRC equals thing on a mom's bumper, I'm not thinking. Oh, interesting. So you support this democratic propaganda organization that's not radical enough and actually was on the wrong side of XYZ issues. Well, she came out to her. No, it's just. Exactly. It's literally, she doesn't know what the HRC does. No, she just thinks it's fun that it's an equal sign and she saw Neil Patrick Harris wear it.

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah, I love.

[George Severis]

So there you go.

[Sam Taggart]

No, I think it's a genius thing. Obviously, we're all lost. Instagram is beyond over, but we're still there and we're still posting.

[George Severis]

To be clear, in an ideal world, we would be bombing data centers, but because that's not what's currently happening, might as well post a black square.

[Sam Taggart]

I mean, this is. The whole Met Gala thing is like,

[George Severis]

to a T. I know, but it's gonna be irrelevant by the time this comes out.

[Sam Taggart]

Not really. It's coming out on Tuesday. It's a week from now.

[George Severis]

Okay, go off T. I still got

[Sam Taggart]

fast tracked and it was just sort of like, everyone's like, okay, so everyone's upset. Everyone's boycotting then. Actually, no one's boycotting. No one's upset. And I'm sort of like. And then everyone's mad at the celebrities for going, but they're also not mad at all. And I'm sort of like, okay, so what is going on?

[George Severis]

Well, I think the thing, people,

[Sam Taggart]

the

[George Severis]

thing that's funny is like Sarah Paulson wearing a dollar bill as glasses. Because you either go and almost like sit in your quote unquote complicity, and you're like, I am. Yes. For one night, I am one of the Gilded Age.

[Sam Taggart]

You know, I'm sort of the people, the capital in the Hunger Games.

[George Severis]

And you guys, yes, you guys can throw tomatoes at me, but I get the amazing opportunity to, like, take an amazing photo with Beyonce.

[Sam Taggart]

I still got the look.

[George Severis]

You can't have it both ways. You can't wear the tax the rich dress for that night only. You can't believe tax the rich.

[Sam Taggart]

It always backfires.

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah, but there is that thing because it is a fundraiser.

[George Severis]

Well, yes.

[Jake Cornell]

And, like, it is the only wing of. There's, like, this argument that you can. That, I think tricks people where it's like, yes, the argument is kind of sound, but, like, the optics of it, you can't. Do you know what I mean?

[George Severis]

The entire thing is optics.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, the Sarah Paulson thing in particular, being like, the one person. This dress is called the one person. And it's like. Right. Which you are like. It's like so classic being like, come on, white people.

[Jake Cornell]

Well, that is another perception thing where it's like, when you're really rich, you understand the difference between your wealth and the 1%'s wealth. But, like, to us, like, they all look the same.

[Sam Taggart]

Right. Well, it's. I guess, like, literally the 1% is like, what she is a part of. There's like a 0.2%.

[Jake Cornell]

No, but the whole point is that she's not part of the 1%. I don't think Sarah Paulson's part of the 1%.

[Sam Taggart]

I think the 1% is like, bigger than we think.

[George Severis]

I love this. Please write in if you think Sarah Paulson is or is not part of the 1%.

[Jake Cornell]

No, because, like, I don't think Sarah Paulson has, like, over $500 million.

[Sam Taggart]

I think the one.

[George Severis]

She's been a lot of projects.

[Sam Taggart]

I think, like, the Bezos level is not 1%. I think it's like. Like less. It's a smaller percentage.

[Jake Cornell]

Okay. I. What do you think? Wait, I don't want this to sound.

[George Severis]

No, please.

[Jake Cornell]

What do you think the 1% is?

[Sam Taggart]

I literally think. I think it's less than what we think. Like, when it's like.

[Jake Cornell]

It's not, it's because it's. Correct me if I'm wrong. It's not the 1% of human population that is the richest.

[George Severis]

It's the people that have. Go ahead.

[Jake Cornell]

As I said it out loud, I realized I was wrong.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

None of us are confident that we all understand each other. And that is queer and beautiful.

[George Severis]

Well, I'm also very aware of the optics of three gay guys screeching at one another about how you define the world.

[Jake Cornell]

You know, what's another version of this saying? And like, not understanding the meaning behind it. And I still. And people fight about this. Like, no one is in agreement about this. The phrase nature is healing.

[George Severis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

Is that describing you as a human being experiencing nature and finding it healing or witnessing nature healing itself?

[George Severis]

No, witnessing nature healing itself.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, it's. It's literally a meme from COVID Covid.

[Jake Cornell]

Right. But people were. Share it people. Some people think that means we're literally

[George Severis]

this Podcast, we're relitigating, like literally.

[Jake Cornell]

Why is everything in 2020?

[George Severis]

Everything is 2020 in this podcast. And I think it's honestly, it's like how famous people stay the same age they are, they were when they got famous. It's like because we launched literally March of 2020, we are stuck. We're stuck on relitigating like, like whether Bernie should have won the primary in 2020. It's crazy.

[Jake Cornell]

Okay? We have to move on. I think Sam's really mad at me.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm mad at both of you.

[George Severis]

Okay.

[Jake Cornell]

What?

[Sam Taggart]

To be quite clear, I can't believe this.

[George Severis]

Okay, but this is similar to how someone called in and explained to us that, you know, the phrase well behaved women rarely make history.

[Jake Cornell]

Uh huh.

[George Severis]

So what that is actually about is that it's coined by a Mormon historian and what she was saying is actually that well behaved women who deserve to make history are written out of history

[Sam Taggart]

because the women who are bad make history.

[George Severis]

It's not like you should be.

[Jake Cornell]

It's not, you should be a badass

[George Severis]

because well behaved women, it's like if

[Jake Cornell]

you're a good girl, you'll make a change, but they'll never know your name.

[George Severis]

Exactly. It's pro good girl.

[Jake Cornell]

My God.

[George Severis]

And that's sort of similar to the nature's healing to the 1%.

[Jake Cornell]

That reminds me of how I have a real problem with that meme that always goes around of, we are the daughters of the witches you couldn't burn. It's like, okay, so fuck the girls whose mom got burned.

[George Severis]

Well, by the way, do you know what I mean?

[Jake Cornell]

You can't be a good witch because your mom got burned. What I always think feels like an amazing origin story.

[George Severis]

You know what's amazing? People still don't get the witch trials. I'm not getting

[Jake Cornell]

what is the Madison with my straightforward.

[George Severis]

I was thinking about this because, you know, Taylor Swift was obviously voted number one lyricist by the New York Times or whatever the fuck they're doing over there. And they're talking about the 1%. And I always think of, of course, my favorite Taylor Swift lyric, they're burning all the witches even if you aren't one, right? And it's like, so did you, Taylor Swift think some of them deserved it?

[Jake Cornell]

Burning all the witches even if you aren't one. She's like, you guys, it used to

[George Severis]

be they would burn only the witches. Now they're burning all the witches even if you aren't one. Like, are you stupid?

[Jake Cornell]

And then she says after that, so light me up.

[George Severis]

So light me up. Oh, I've never interrogated, and thank you for saying that. What does that mean? They're burning all the witches, even if you aren't one. So light me up. Light me up because I'm not one. Or light me up because I'm a witch and I'm reclaiming your eyes.

[Jake Cornell]

I guess what she's saying, I mean, it does kind of work because she's saying, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. I think that's all she's saying there.

[Sam Taggart]

She's just saying, you're gonna burn me pretty much. And I'm taking ownership over it and I'm asking for it.

[George Severis]

So she's saying I'm not a well behaved woman.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, basically.

[George Severis]

Well, she's saying, I am a well behaved woman, but light me up nonetheless. Since you're burning all the witches, even if you aren't one.

[Sam Taggart]

I've never felt so tense in an episode before.

[Jake Cornell]

We all like each other. We all like each other based where's the proof?

[Sam Taggart]

And where's the proof? Let's do our first. No, let's do our first one.

[Jake Cornell]

This is our most tense episode because I don't know if you guys remember, but hours before our last episode, George lost his job. Like, that was the pocket. It was a much worse vibe.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, but we had a common enemy. We had a common enemy.

[Jake Cornell]

Yes.

[George Severis]

All right, let's do it. For a segment.

[Sam Taggart]

What were you gonna say?

[Jake Cornell]

Was that traumatic that I brought that up?

[George Severis]

No, not at all.

[Jake Cornell]

I knew it wasn't as long to listen to.

[George Severis]

Well, of course I'm craving catharsis from the 1% conversation.

[Sam Taggart]

Did you and me both, sister?

[George Severis]

I felt like I was being so inclusive by being. I'm like, I literally understand where both of you coming for him. You're both right. And then you're like, why?

[Jake Cornell]

Mad at you Also, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna do so much reading after this and figure out what I was trying to say. It's like I have to.

[Sam Taggart]

It's just like no one's admitting that in the conversation. What the 1% is. I was right.

[Jake Cornell]

You weren't, though.

[Sam Taggart]

If we're talking about what that means, I was right. Like, in the classic sense.

[George Severis]

I'm gonna dub this so that. First of all, so that I'm constantly right and so that you're both wrong.

[Jake Cornell]

I'm going to record a video where I explain my point perfectly, hack into the Stradio lab, Instagram and post it

[George Severis]

to Reels And I'm gonna do a Stratio Lab recap P.O. with Sarah Paulson. And we're gonna both be wearing dollar bill as glasses.

[Sam Taggart]

I haven't been this upset since I once got in an argument with a friend about another. A third friend. And the third friend is British. And the friend I was talking to kept saying, oh, I didn't know he was Irish. And I said, well, he said, he's not.

[Jake Cornell]

He's really. He's British.

[Sam Taggart]

And the whole time he was like, no, he's Irish. And I was like, you have to believe me on this. This is not flexible.

[George Severis]

He.

[Jake Cornell]

That's crazy.

[Sam Taggart]

He is British.

[Jake Cornell]

And then I have a friend who doesn't agree with me when 911 happened. Similar.

[Sam Taggart]

Really?

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

That's crazy because the dates in the name.

[Jake Cornell]

We've been friends for like 20 years. And he. It's like a thing. Wait, sorry.

[George Severis]

He doesn't believe the 9 11, what

[Jake Cornell]

grade he was in. I'm like, you were in this grade when it happened. I was in this grade. So, like this, like, I was in this room when it happened. Like, we've looked at the math and he's like, okay, but I know I was in this grade when that happened. And it's crazy. Yeah, he's gonna be so.

[Sam Taggart]

He's like Mandela affecting his own life.

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

And it's like there is footage, right?

[Jake Cornell]

And he doesn't deny that it happened in 2001. He denies what grade he. And then it's like, which again, there's footage. And when the conversation starts, gets a little too close to like where it's like, we can't. He like, was like, I don't want to talk about this anymore. Yeah.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Does that count as catharsis?

[Narrator/Announcer]

It's a celebration 250 years in the making.

And we want everyone in America, from Maine to Montana, from Alabama to Alaska to be a part of it.

This year marks America's 250th anniversary. And we're coming together from coast to coast at star spangled events, live performances, and the largest day of giving in American history.

Join the nationwide celebration at america250.org

[George Severis]

what

[Advertiser Voice]

if your next favorite hobby came with a built in crew? That's cornhole. Whether you're brand new to the game or just looking for an excuse to get outside, there's a whole world of players out there ready to welcome you in local leagues, weekend tournaments, backyard throwdowns, it's all happening near you. Find your people at your next event at iplaycornhole.com events Newhouse Hobby New friends same you just having a lot more fun.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory services by Public Advisors llc SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures [e-mail] disclosures if you're feeling

[Advertiser Voice]

off fatigue, mood changes, skin shifts, yet your labs say everything's normal. You're not alone. Meet Oestra from Inner Balance. The first all in one prescription strength bioidentical hormone cream that's natural and effective and only takes one drop, 10 seconds a day. Oester replaces five to six products women typically use to treat symptoms and is third party tested to ensure the highest quality. Visit innerbalance.com today to start feeling like yourself again. That's innerbalance.com.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, as you know our first segment is called Straight Shooters and in this segment we're going to ask you a series of rapid fire questions. It's basically this thing or this other thing and the only rule is you can't ask any follow up questions or we will scream. Not that we haven't already.

[George Severis]

You are being so the joker right now. And also can I just.

[Jake Cornell]

And also not Heath Jack.

[George Severis]

Yeah, no, you're being Harley Quinn. Margot Robbie and Harley Quinn.

[Jake Cornell]

Harley Quinn and the Gaga woman that

[George Severis]

even if I literally. Even if I literally thought you were completely right and Jake was completely wrong, what you're asking me to do is turn against is Ally with you against our guests that we have in our living room.

[Sam Taggart]

He can take it. He's a grown up.

[George Severis]

Okay. Jake being a bitch Or Lilo and

[Sam Taggart]

Stitch being a bitch Abroad who's a shopaholic? Or a song that is Todrick Hallish.

[Jake Cornell]

Abroad who's a shopaholic?

[George Severis]

Duck duck goose or did you douche?

[Jake Cornell]

Did you douche?

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

A billionaire tax Or a Brazilian bear wax?

[Jake Cornell]

A billionaire tax. Fuck the 1%, whatever they are.

[George Severis]

Do you want the house tour or wear that low cut blouse whore?

[Jake Cornell]

Ooh, Wear that low cut blouse whore.

[Sam Taggart]

Whacking a pinata or gabbing with Emrata?

[Jake Cornell]

Gabbing with Amrata?

[George Severis]

Menage a trois or amazing moi?

[Jake Cornell]

Amazing moi.

[Sam Taggart]

An appendectomy or a lap dance that's for free.

[Jake Cornell]

An appendectomy.

[George Severis]

What about an appendectomy? That's for free.

[Sam Taggart]

Not gonna happen in this town of America.

[George Severis]

They should reform hospitals so that they're more like strip clubs, and you sort of, like, feel the vibe and then. Tip.

[Jake Cornell]

They sort of are in the sense that you have this person work for you that you really think you're having this deep emotional connection with, and it's like, mama, that nurse is paid.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, yeah, that's tough.

[George Severis]

Yeah, the nurse is paid. Not enough, of course. And then you're also having an interaction with a doctor that you think is sort of consensual. And then you get a bill that is for $15 million. You're saying, what am I.

[Jake Cornell]

They don't show up. I don't show the belling on the pit for, you know. No, they talk about it.

[Sam Taggart]

They do talk about it. When you think you're really charming a doctor and you're like, oh, my God, they're gonna pretty much think about me the moment. Like, they're gonna think about me when they're laying in bed tonight. And then they don't remember you the next time they come in the room. That is really hurtful.

[Jake Cornell]

That's awful. I had a gay doctor. I had the opposite of this, which is in college. I had a gay doctor who no matter what I went to the doctor for, he diagnosed me with an sti. And then. And then would call me like, two weeks later and be like, that's not what that was. Stop taking that pill. I had strep throat. He gave me. He. He was like, that is herpes. And I was like, I re. I was like, I've had strep before. I'm like, positive it's herpes, or I'm positive it's strep. And he. It's herpes, you whore. And then he put me on herpes medication and wouldn't give me antibiotics. And it didn't get better for weeks. And then he called me and he was like, hey, the test came back, it is strep. And then I had eczema. And he diagnosed it as scabies and made me do a full scabies treatment.

[George Severis]

And then you kept going to this doctor.

[Jake Cornell]

It was my like, it was like the uvm. I was like my college doctor.

[Sam Taggart]

Don't victim.

[Jake Cornell]

I didn't have a choice.

[George Severis]

Well, it's interesting with gay doctors because of course you want a gay doctor so you can talk openly about gay things. But then. And you don't want to go into. You don't want to. It's like you want to take them even more seriously to sort of combat stereotypes that all gay guys are basically stand up comedians. So you want to be talking to them even in a more serious way than you would a straight doctor.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

And then it creates this basically like, it's like who's going to crack first? You're literally saying words like bottoming to a medical professional, but you're not allowed to smile or laugh. You know what I mean?

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

The woman at the gay clinic I go to now is. I actually think she's the ideal where she sort like mom and queer as folk, right?

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah, that's kind of ideal. I'm kind of thinking that that's what I want my next therapist to be.

[George Severis]

You need the woman from looking like the one woman in the group looking. Exactly.

[Sam Taggart]

She's always like, it's okay, sweetie.

[Jake Cornell]

Like, oh, everyone's had that.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, who doesn't get that?

[Jake Cornell]

Totally.

[Sam Taggart]

She's like, do you want more of this? Do you want more of this? And I'm like, okay, sure, whatever.

[George Severis]

Oh, love. Is she a doctor?

[Sam Taggart]

She's something. She prescribes stuff.

[Jake Cornell]

I had a therapist once who was raised in the seventies in New York by a lesbian.

[George Severis]

Oh, that's tea.

[Jake Cornell]

And she was like, my uncles were just all G gay men, like all her gay guy friends. And I was like, you're kind of my.

[George Severis]

It was Drew Barrymore.

[Jake Cornell]

It was Drew Barrymore. Yeah.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

We do coke the whole session.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, that's awesome.

[George Severis]

Do you think Drew Barrymore misses being a bad girl?

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, I think you always kind of miss it.

[George Severis]

I'm like, she should talk. She should miss it more. Like she. Where's the edge?

[Sam Taggart]

You want her to be bad again?

[George Severis]

Kind of.

[Jake Cornell]

She's so young though.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, that's true.

[Jake Cornell]

She probably like, I don't miss being 13. You mean? It's probably easier to not miss it. When you were that young.

[Sam Taggart]

That's true.

[Jake Cornell]

You know, she was still a bad

[George Severis]

girl at like 22.

[Sam Taggart]

It's like how I feel when I play like, you know, Mario 64?

[George Severis]

Totally.

[Sam Taggart]

Like, I'm like, yeah, it just doesn't hit the same. Like, that's her doing cocaine.

[George Severis]

True. No, but to be clear, I don't want her to relapse. I just want. You know. But it's not that clear. Yeah, but there's something. I mean, she's saying you don't.

[Jake Cornell]

Because according to both of you, she's in the 1%, so.

[Sam Taggart]

She is in the 1%. She's deeply in the 1%.

[George Severis]

Jake, what would you say if you had to? Your straight topic is alien abduction. Oh, that's really good. Have you seen this trailer for that Steven Spielberg movie where Emily Blunt goes, yeah, obsessed.

[Jake Cornell]

Can't wait to watch it.

[Sam Taggart]

It's gonna be fun.

[Jake Cornell]

You know the conspiracy theory about it?

[Sam Taggart]

No.

[Jake Cornell]

Oh, you guys don't know about this? There's a genuine. No, it's getting very. People online are like obsessed with this.

[George Severis]

Okay, tell me.

[Jake Cornell]

There's a conspiracy theory that when Spielberg made Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Great movie, he worked famously. Part of the ad campaign of that movie was that he worked with former NASA scientists. Basically that he learned the truth about aliens or was kind of brought into the fold on that. And there's been this long running plan to have him aid in the announcement by the US government to the public that aliens are real. And that disclosure day is in fact doing that. And that there is going to be a large announcement that aliens are real. And part of it will be an Emily Blunt, Josh o' Connor led movie that is going to explain to us the aliens that are real and exist.

[Sam Taggart]

I really hope that's true. I mean, it's crazy that he got the scoop.

[George Severis]

That would be huge for Josh o'.

[Jake Cornell]

Connor.

[Sam Taggart]

That would be huge for Josh o'.

[George Severis]

Connor.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, my God.

[Jake Cornell]

So that's like a big conspiracy theory.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm in. I mean, it is like, I don't know where we are on this, but I'm like, well, aliens are real, so.

[Jake Cornell]

Okay, do you want me explain why I think it's straight?

[George Severis]

Please.

[Jake Cornell]

Because, like, you might think they're real. Like, that's like a conversation that, like, we as gay guys and like queer people, like, will engage in, but, like, I know for a fact, like, none of us know a queer person who's been abducted by aliens because queer people encounter ghosts.

[Sam Taggart]

Yes. Right, right, right, right.

[Jake Cornell]

So it's like, we're not seeing UFOs, we're seeing spirits. We're not getting abducted by aliens. Like, that is something that happens to straight people. It happens to like straight couples in cars. It happens to like, men who have like, logging jobs. It's not a thing that happens to queer people. We are for the spirits. We experience mysticism. We do not experience extraterrestrial.

[George Severis]

No, totally. And it's also the logging jobs thing is true too, because it's very rural, the idea of crop circles.

[Jake Cornell]

And I think a big part of it is also because if you read anything about what aliens are getting abducted, it's all about getting pregnant. And so it's very hetero in that way. It's a lot of probing. I guess probing's kind of gay. But it's like there's a lot of like, they took my semen kind of gay. But like, it all seems to be not for like.

[George Severis]

Like I don't think it's falling apart,

[Jake Cornell]

but I don't think it's like, ooh, like this alien wants loads. It's like this alien is trying to like, make babies. Like, it's about reproduction. There's a very like. And it's like spirits are just trying to like, connect and like, that's what being queer is about. It's like not about reproduction. It's about connection. And alien abduction is like about reproduction.

[George Severis]

Well, there's also like, the alien story is very warlike. It's like we have to protect Earth, which is under attack from a foreign population. There's actually something xenophobic about it.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

Totally.

[Jake Cornell]

They use the word aliens for when people are. Yeah.

[George Severis]

Whereas ghosts. It's very like we're coexist. It's like another realm. It's already here. We're coexisting within it. It's much more like.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, and they were once us.

[George Severis]

And they were once us. It's so much more nuanced.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[George Severis]

And also the alien thing either there's a big persecution complex. It's like being afraid you're gonna be abducted by an alien. It's really the same as being afraid that feminism is going to ruin men or something.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. Well, it's very fear based. The whole alien abduction thing is so like, it's taking what should be sort of a magical thought. It's like, oh my God, there's aliens. And it's like putting yourself in the center and it's being like, they're probably going to scoop me up. I bet they want me. And it's like, that's not really the first thing that comes to my mind. I'm sort of like, what's going on in their world? But a straight person is like, they're going to want me.

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah. Straight people are like, they chose me.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

And I think we're like. It's like gay people. We're all like. I'm much more drawn. Like, the stuff that was interesting to gay people that, like, has been confirmed by the government. We, like, never talk about, like, oh, like, we tried to do telepathy. It's like gay people are obsessed with that. Like, that's fun. Collectively, all of us have. I'm still trying to do telepathy. When was the last time you tried to move something with your mind? I know. It was in the last six months for sure. You just sitting up. What if it works?

[Sam Taggart]

No, I'm never gonna stop trying.

[George Severis]

No.

[Sam Taggart]

Because maybe as you get older, you get more in touch with it.

[Jake Cornell]

Of course.

[George Severis]

So the other thing with alien abduction, I'm trying to say this in a sort of new way. And this is the same with conspiracy theories. It's very straight to believe in imaginary conspiracy theories, and it's very gay to analyze real ones. Do you know what I mean? I know who the enemy is. It's not aliens.

[Jake Cornell]

Totally. It's like, it's very straight to believe in lizard people. But being like, oh, it seems like there's, like, a Christian right plot against it. It's like, now I'm a faggot.

[George Severis]

Well, it's like, you know what's a conspiracy? The Supreme Court.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

Literally.

[George Severis]

Like, it is. The way it is filled is not good.

[Jake Cornell]

Totally.

[George Severis]

And there are dark forces that are filling it, and they are Catholic. Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

And it's like, this is the thing. This is the thing. It's like, I would love. Like, I look at straight people and their conspiracy theories, and, like, I'm like, I would love it. Like, that looks fun. Like, ours is ugly. You know what I mean? It's like the people who are doing the shit that we're actually. It's like they're all wearing gray. It's not fun. There's no chicness to it. There's no flash.

[Sam Taggart]

Wanting to believe in the fake conspiracy theory versus wanting to see the real one, I think at least. I don't know if this is all. I definitely have this. If I want something, I'll be like, oh, my God, I would give, like, a million dollars to have that. And someone's like, it's actually $50,000 do you want to spend $50,000? And I'm like, well, no, it's better for me to believe it's just out of the realm of reality than it is to be like, if you move things around potentially by that. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. I don't like that.

[Jake Cornell]

I want to exist in a place where it's completely out of reach. Yes, yes. That's actually really true too. It's a diversion of culpability.

[Sam Taggart]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Jake Cornell]

Do you two believe in. But do you two believe in ghosts?

[George Severis]

No.

[Jake Cornell]

Okay.

[Sam Taggart]

Not in a huge way.

[Jake Cornell]

Do you, like, you know, my whole thing with all of it is like, we'll never know either way. And I'm kind of like, there's probably something I've always.

[George Severis]

Ghosts I honestly don't really think about. But what you're describing is basically how I feel about any form of realm outside the human. Whether that is a higher power, whether that is like, yeah, that's how I feel about. I mean, obviously there are forces outside our control or whatever. But like, first of all, science, the concept of science is not static. There could be forces that we currently don't understand, but as science evolves, we will understand them. People used to think that the sun was caught by aliens or whatever. You know what I mean? Yes. There are things we don't understand, but it's so short sighted to be like, that means they are unhuman or extraterrestrial rather than just a phenomenon that hasn't been properly studied yet. Not to be a complete rationalist. No, but that's kind of how I feel.

[Sam Taggart]

You're like the person in a movie right now. You're like in the movie contest.

[Jake Cornell]

This is the opening scene. You're about to get your shit rocked for 90 minutes by a ghost. For sure. It's gonna be a true. Totally.

[George Severis]

Totally.

[Jake Cornell]

Totally.

[Sam Taggart]

What? You just like to literally be like a line of dialogue for a movie.

[Jake Cornell]

Hundred percent. Hundred percent.

[Sam Taggart]

That was crazy.

[Jake Cornell]

That was.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

I couldn't have written that. We just put you in a classroom with a board behind you and like some stupid.

[Jake Cornell]

It's such a good line. It's going in the trailer. Do you know what I mean? It's not.

[George Severis]

First scene of disclosure. Before I start, I'm literally like. So basically like, it's all gonna be.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

And then I get. And then I get abducted.

[Jake Cornell]

But I think it's interesting, the notion of a heterosexual man. What is it about the fact that a heterosexual man would never claim he was possessed by a ghost?

[George Severis]

Right.

[Jake Cornell]

That's always like. It's always like a girl getting possessed and like. Like sometimes maybe a gay guy.

[George Severis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

But like, so like if someone like, if like a. Like. But it's like a straight man driving like a logging truck down a road and suddenly he is like. Forgets 12 hours and then finds himself acting weird at a gas station. He's going, the aliens took me.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

Do you know what I mean?

[Sam Taggart]

Are you saying that the ghosts. He could have been visited by ghosts, but he just thinks they're aliens? Cause he doesn't even see ghosts.

[Jake Cornell]

It's kind of like. I guess maybe it's cause men are not in the home and the ghost is in the home and the aliens are outside.

[George Severis]

That's a good.

[Jake Cornell]

I guess this is what I wanted to. That's why I brought this here. I sort of like had the thought and was like, I'm just gonna bring it to Georgia and we're gonna get like, do it together.

[George Severis]

The home thing is really interesting because a ghost, a haunting happens in a home, right?

[Jake Cornell]

Cause it's not like your Mack truck's haunted. Could be though, but they would never admit that.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, it's also.

[George Severis]

That's an interesting point. Can a car be hunted? Go on.

[Sam Taggart]

It's also about. You are respecting, like your family almost. With a ghost, you're like, this house has a history. These people used to be here. All these lives were tending for generations. And Amanda's like, I'm the first. I've never. If something else is here, it's coming from fucking space.

[Jake Cornell]

It's also like how men only experience, like, straight men only experience information on the macro and never the micro. They know everything about how the NFL draft works, but they don't know their daughter's middle name completely. So it's like a ghost has to have a narrative, a name. You have to know when they died and why they're there. And Alan's just like, they suck me up in the sky.

[George Severis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's also knowing the big picture but not being able to translate it into context. It's like, like knowing full military history for the last 250 years, but not being able to connect that to immigration policy. Being like, but also. But being like, but they're invading our country. It's like, how did we get here?

[Jake Cornell]

You've read the books. Yeah, 100%.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, do you think aliens are real or what?

[Jake Cornell]

Similarly, I'm like. I'm like, probably in some capacity if it's like, infinite. The thing about Me is like, I literally don't give a fuck about space. Totally. Like, I'm sorry.

[George Severis]

This is something that comes up in our podcast a lot.

[Jake Cornell]

Like, my ass is. Yeah, my ass is never going to space. I'm telling you right now. My ass is never. Like, unless aliens are real and they suck me up there involuntarily. My ass never. And I'm also not going to the deep ocean, mama. It's not happening. Yeah, but I just don't. I'm like, I kind of care about what's happening. I care about, like, what's happening at the restaurant to go to dinner tonight.

[Sam Taggart]

I will. I mean, my greatest shame was listening to the Daily.

[George Severis]

Probably small plates.

[Sam Taggart]

Listen to.

[Jake Cornell]

It's actually not, which is, thank God,

[Sam Taggart]

the Daily about the submersible. When all that was happening, and they had, like, an expert on deep sea stuff, like, come on and wax about what it's like to go that far down. And I was like, wait, this sounds amazing.

[Jake Cornell]

No, I literally could. You could not pay me money.

[Sam Taggart]

I definitely would have a panic attack.

[George Severis]

But the space thing, gay people not caring about space is something that comes up so often in our conversations and almost to the point where I feel, at this point, almost reactionary, where I'm like, well, I don't want anyone to think that we don't care about the cosmos as lgbtq.

[Jake Cornell]

What's interesting is. Here's. Okay, wait, we're touching something really interesting, because, no, we do care about the cosmos. We care about astrology. But there's something interesting, because astronaut is the textbook first job you are presented with as a child. That every kid is like, well, I want to be that. And then your teacher's like, you won't be.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

And then we're all like, okay, cool, we're gonna go win Academy Awards.

[George Severis]

Yeah, no, you're absolutely right.

[Jake Cornell]

And the thing is, I think it would've been easier to get on the rockets.

[Sam Taggart]

God. The thing is, there's all the people who are scientists for the rockets, and they're, like, the writers. They're like the TV writers of space. Like, they thought they were gonna be on the rockets.

[Jake Cornell]

The scientists.

[Sam Taggart]

Sorry.

[George Severis]

So the scientists working at NASA. The scientists working at NASA are the tv. Are the TV writers of space, and the astronauts are a cap.

[Jake Cornell]

Wait, that's so harrowing when you really go into it and being like, all of these writers. And then Katy Perry booked the job and got on the rocket. You're kind of right.

[Sam Taggart]

Cause they started doing space science to be like, I'm Gonna go up there one day.

[George Severis]

Well, there is something about being an astronaut, going to space where it's like you're kind of like a writer performer.

[Jake Cornell]

Well, it's like you used to be able to get on the rocket if you were a writer that had personality. But now you also have to have your own star power. So it's like you have to become a NASA rocket. You have to build a following.

[Sam Taggart]

It's crazy. Get the socials up.

[George Severis]

Like, yes, you have to have charisma and all that, but there's also something where I'm like, you're probably not an amazing scientist. Just like, the people that are politicians that are actually doing the running for office are probably not the most amazing policy minds. They have people that they've hired who are like glasses and books.

[Sam Taggart]

It's so interesting.

[George Severis]

Do you think ultimately, you know, the Zoran and aoc, very charismatic, progressive politicians could actually sit you down and explain beat by beat?

[Jake Cornell]

Like, do you think. Are you saying you think, like, there was a scientist who was more equipped than Neil Armstrong, but Neil Armstrong just had the X factor.

[George Severis]

It's not about equipped. It's about. I bet you that if you got a random sampling of NASA scientists, put them in a room, gave them a test about just general knowledge, whatever, he would not be number one. But if you got him on the Drew Barrymore show, he would absolutely eat.

[Jake Cornell]

That's so interesting.

[Sam Taggart]

I want a spaceship to go up that's just like, astronauts. Astronauts.

[Jake Cornell]

Like the other. What's. You know, what's really interesting that I'm realizing also is, like, part of the reason I think anyone even remotely entertains the notion that, like, there's a government conspiracy around, like, aliens is because, like, we cognitively perceive everyone involved in that world as heterosexual. Like, if there were fags at NASA, I'd be like, it would be. I would be like, I would know. Like, maybe y' all wouldn't know. I would know. I think about this a lot in the way that, like, we all kind of know, like, about people who are gay that aren't public. Like, if there was a faggot at Roswell, I would know what happened at Roswell. Like, Area 50. I'd know, like, what's happening in the locker rooms at Area 51. Like, they're keeping.

[George Severis]

No, it is true.

[Jake Cornell]

They're gonna kill us all. I'm really cracking something on this episode.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah,

[Narrator/Announcer]

It's a celebration. 250 years in the making.

And we want everyone in America, from Maine to Montana, from Alabama to Alaska to be a part of it.

This year marks America's 250th anniversary and we're coming together from coast to coast at star spangled events, live performances and the largest day of giving in American history.

Join the nationwide celebration at america250.org

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

what

[Advertiser Voice]

if your next favorite hobby came with a built in crew? That's cornhole. Whether you're brand new to the game or just looking for an excuse to get outside, there's a whole world of players out there ready to welcome you in local leagues, weekend tournaments, backyard throwdowns. It's all happening near you. Find your people at your next [e-mail] events. New new hobby, new friends. Same you, just having a lot more fun.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index. With AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor supplier growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures [e-mail] disclosures if you're feeling

[Advertiser Voice]

off fatigue, mood changes, skin shifts, yet your lab say everything's normal. You're not alone. Meet Oestra from Inner Balance. The first all in one prescription Strength Bioidentical Hormone cream that's natural and effective and only takes one drop 10 seconds a day. Oestro replaces five to six products women typically use to treat symptoms and is third party tested to ensure the highest quality. Visit innerbalance.com today to start feeling like yourself again. That's innerbalance.com.

[George Severis]

So I want to get into like the aesthetics of alien abductions. You know, the UFOs, a beam of light coming and taking You.

[Jake Cornell]

The beam of light is quite queer.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, well, I dream about that beam of light. I want to be in it so bad. To just be floating.

[Jake Cornell]

Wait. I've never wanted to be in the beam of light. Do you know who I've wanted to be? Girly on her knees, wind ripping, watching the person going, totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

That's interesting.

[George Severis]

Cause you're a witness to history. I agree with you.

[Sam Taggart]

I always wanted to be.

[Jake Cornell]

I don't.

[George Severis]

No. I want my best friend to be. Not my best friend. One of my friends to be abducted. Maybe your podcast is come back. No. Cause that would really fuck with me. Our business. I want a close friend of mine to be abducted, then come back. And then for me to be like, how is she different and how is she the same?

[Jake Cornell]

The concept. I'm really trying to eliminate the concept from my vocabulary.

[George Severis]

No, I have been doing that.

[Jake Cornell]

The notion or the thought of you guys having to do a podcast where it had been that Sam had very publicly been abducted by aliens, but it was like, you have to keep doing Stradio Lab. And it's like, I would have to do this whole interview and not be like, so what happened on the ship?

[Sam Taggart]

Totally.

[Jake Cornell]

It's really funny.

[George Severis]

Don't ask Sam about it. I'm like. Like, I'm here too. Yes, he got abducted by aliens. We know.

[Sam Taggart]

Also, we'd have, like, random reviews on Apple podcasts. They're like, sam just seems a little off since the abduction.

[George Severis]

Abduction or other people being like, I think he's lying.

[Sam Taggart]

I think he's lying.

[George Severis]

He's, like, trying to get that off Broadway run.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, they would definitely say that. Oh, and I definitely have a side.

[Jake Cornell]

I would have so much anxiety about if I got abducted by the aliens and I was the only one being like, I hate that. There's like, not a second eyes on this. Like, I could say whatever the fuck I want. And, like, I'll never know if you fully believe me. And, like, it's like. It's like, either I saw something so banal, it's unbelievable. Like, I went up there and it was just some people, and it was like, whatever. And then you wouldn't believe it. Cause it's, like, not remarkable enough. But then if I saw things, like, beyond the human comprehension, it's like, well, then you can't comprehend it. You didn't see it.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

So isolating.

[George Severis]

No, I think you would want to ideally be abducted with maybe, like, five other people. And then you could have kind of like a yearly meetup where you're like, remember that? Totally. That was crazy.

[Jake Cornell]

And then you're sort of like one of those boy bands that's formed out of, like, an insane event, you know, Call it like the Times Square Five.

[George Severis]

Yeah, maybe. Totally.

[Jake Cornell]

But, like.

[George Severis]

And that's. You know, Then obviously being abducted would probably make you much better at Choreo, too.

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah. You have to hope.

[George Severis]

You know what's really sad at the end of the day is if you were abducted, you actually wouldn't be able to actually experience because the things would be outside the human realm. You wouldn't know that you're experiencing them. You couldn't be like. And then it got really cold.

[Jake Cornell]

What do you mean? Did you follow this? I fell off right there.

[Sam Taggart]

I think I know what you mean. Like, you're saying, though.

[Jake Cornell]

Oh, it's like the concept. Like, if you saw. You wouldn't. It'd be like, if. You wouldn't be just human if you saw color. That has never been human.

[George Severis]

Exactly, Exactly.

[Jake Cornell]

Well, you hear about how you did that with the people anyway.

[George Severis]

It's like, yes, you would hear. Yes, you would hear, like, sounds that are not. That you couldn't actually process.

[Jake Cornell]

They did this.

[George Severis]

There would be things you could not actually process.

[Jake Cornell]

They did the thing where they zapped the people's brains and they could see a color that no one else can see. And then they were like, it's kind of like blue. It's like, shut the f. Yeah, it's not. It's like, you know that they're like. But it's not quite blue. The agony of knowing that you only saw a color that you couldn't explain to other people. And I think that's probably a. I bet there's two kinds of people in the world. There's people that probably love that. Like, I saw a color. And I'd be like, I hate that I can't explain to you the color I saw.

[Sam Taggart]

I feel like I'd be like. I'd be like, you guys get it. Mostly, I think I'd be happy with being like, it's sort of like blue.

[George Severis]

Oh. See, I would write sort of like an experimental book of essays that was like, you know, 1500 sentences describing the color.

[Jake Cornell]

So. And the last sentence of the book is like, so, unfortunately, I don't think you'll ever see it, but maybe you felt it by now.

[Sam Taggart]

Wow. Beautiful.

[George Severis]

Wow.

[Sam Taggart]

I just have a feeling if I were to be abducted, it would be so. Like, it's similar to going to the hospital. I would definitely charm them. I think I could do it. And I feel they're only getting jerked off.

[Jake Cornell]

They're collecting loads up there from.

[George Severis]

Did you see here? He got jerked off by the aliens when he got abducted. That is. Is to be in the group, and you're the one gay guy in the group to get abducted. But then you come back and you're the only one who got jerked off. It's like such a, like, stereotype. It's like you're not beating the stereotypes. And then it becomes like a media narrative around whether or not it's good or bad for the gays that the one gay guy got turned off by the aliens.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. It's like. Well, I was giving him signals. I kept, like, moving my towel a little bit.

[Jake Cornell]

Imagine getting sucked up by the. Like, you're like, holy fuck, I'm getting. You get up and like, okay, here's your towels. Oh, God.

[Sam Taggart]

Like, it's just, like, getting.

[Jake Cornell]

Just soft.

[Sam Taggart]

So the way we do things here, the locks are. There's a mini locker for your shoes.

[Jake Cornell]

Did y' all bring locks? Okay. Okay.

[Sam Taggart]

We have temporaries.

[George Severis]

And then it's a kind of jerking off that is impossible to describe to other humans. So you have to write a big book about how it works.

[Jake Cornell]

You're like. I guess you're like. I'm saying jerking off out of necessity. That's not what it was. That's not really what it is.

[Sam Taggart]

It's not what it was. Yeah. I wouldn't like feeling so distant from my fellow.

[Jake Cornell]

Here's the thing no one ever talks about. When you get abducted by Alex, you go up in this ship. Yeah. Where does the ship then go? No one ever talks about it.

[George Severis]

To the home planet.

[Sam Taggart]

No. It sticks around.

[Jake Cornell]

Does it? See?

[George Severis]

Wow.

[Jake Cornell]

Is there a space station? There's the mothership. There's that concept. We go to the mothership. But where is that? Like, it's like, there's so many. There's just a lot of questions.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm just. You know, I think if I had the option to be abducted, I would say even just. I want to see inside. I want to see their apartments, essentially.

[George Severis]

There's no guarantee you're coming back, Sam.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, trust me.

[Jake Cornell]

If they come around, if you gave you an option, think about, like, what humans do to bugs when they pick them up off the ground.

[George Severis]

Yeah. No one's giving you an option.

[Sam Taggart]

Not these aliens. They get me.

[Jake Cornell]

You come back with, like, a frozen drink and a Margaritaville cup.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm like, all right.

[Jake Cornell]

I guess Sam was right. He had a great time. But I Would be like, I'm not gonna lie, if there was the first confirmed legit alien abduction and it was gay guy, I would be astounded.

[Sam Taggart]

That would be amazing.

[Jake Cornell]

I'd be happy. But it would subvert. It would subvert type.

[Sam Taggart]

No, you're right, it would subvert type. And I think it has to be asked, how do you feel about octopi being aliens? You don't know this?

[George Severis]

No, I guess it's pretty self explanatory. Do you think octopi are aliens? That's a theory.

[Sam Taggart]

So pretty much they're really, really smart and there's nothing else on earth like them. I don't know how to use the words to describe this properly.

[George Severis]

Kind of like the geeks here. By an alien alien.

[Sam Taggart]

But they're genetically so different than everything else on earth.

[Jake Cornell]

Sure, there's a thought that they're.

[Sam Taggart]

There's a theory that they're aliens and they just are already chilling here.

[Jake Cornell]

Whatever it is. I don't eat them because it freaks me out that they can solve puzzles.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, it's still. It's really delicious.

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah, I've had it. But then I was like, sorry, I can solve a Rubik's cube. I kind of can't.

[George Severis]

But this is actually. This actually points to another reason why I think gay people are not as into aliens is because you can find wonder in octopi. Like I can. There's something, you know, when you grow up different. When you grow up different, then you sort of like the world has another sheen of mystery to it and you can sort of, much like we do here, bring out the mystery in the everyday, such that you don't need to believe in something completely different in outer space to keep yourself interested. Yeah, it's like your thing about how when you're at airports you have so much empathy that you're constantly imagining the different stories that are happening. Me on the subway, I'm basically writing the next great American novel in my head. Of course I would never put pen to paper, but there's enough there that I. But I'm never bored and thinking, God, I wish there were aliens.

[Jake Cornell]

There's also something about like, I think if you were to stratify all the creatures and things that we like potentially that, that are not proven to be real, that we potentially believe in. I think that like the queerness to straightness, like who believes in what would almost be a one to one of their corporeal form. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think, I think aliens, ghosts, like, or just like yeah. Like, I think, like, if you look like. If you're like, on. Because now the whole thing is like, everyone's making AI videos of all the things be like, look, they're real. And it's like, so, like. So like straight people love aliens.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

Straight people also fucking love mermaids.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

And this is interesting because a straight person mermaid is very different than a gay person.

[Sam Taggart]

Right, Right.

[George Severis]

We're.

[Jake Cornell]

We're like interested in, like narratives around mermaids. But they're like. They are fish people that are kind of like, fuck and kill.

[George Severis]

Yeah, fish people.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, they like violent fish people.

[Jake Cornell]

They're like, they love that. But that's like a corporal harm. They love being. You know what I mean? We have these sort of like, things of like, spells, lesbians with magical powers. The concept of like. Like a straight guy would literally never entertain the concept of like a premonition or I'm like, actually kind of down for that. So what you're saying is that there's the tangible things. The more ephemeral the concept of the supernatural thing is, the more a queer person's like. Yeah. Cause like, my thing is like, if there was a Bigfoot, we would have seen it.

[George Severis]

Right.

[Jake Cornell]

But like, if someone has like a little bit of a psychic ability, like.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

You know what I mean? It's like believing in like gender, being a sexual. It's like you can't see that the internal experience of gender.

[George Severis]

Absolutely. Yeah. It's literally like straight people are very like, you know, right wing speaker, owns woke student that asks a question or whatever. Like, it's like the woke student is like, but what if there is a ghost here and we can't see it? And then the professor is like putting equations on the board to prove. And it's like, but what if we can't see it? Right.

[Jake Cornell]

It's like the concept is like, what if there's beyond. What if there's something beyond what you understand that's actually kind of the root of the whole thing.

[George Severis]

Yes.

[Jake Cornell]

And it's actually not, which you said

[Sam Taggart]

20 minutes ago, but it's actually like.

[George Severis]

But it is like reanimating the complexities of the existing world. It's like, what if currently here, where we are, there are other entities that we can't see versus what if a giant UFO comes crashing down and abducts us? What?

[Sam Taggart]

I was like, I have nothing to say to. Which is an amazing role for a podcast co host to have. Yeah, well, and actually the thing I was gonna say, which was I stopped myself because it Was so pointless. Was. So what do you guys want the alien to look like?

[George Severis]

Do you like. Is there an Alien movie that was especially, like, really tall, like, really short, formative.

[Jake Cornell]

You're the one getting jerked off by it, so you pick. I'm not going up there.

[George Severis]

Yeah. Let me guess. You want alien sleep. Look like bears.

[Jake Cornell]

Well, you know, the whole thing. Sorry. It's become apparent to me over the kind of thing, like, I've definitely consumed a lot more conspiracy theory content than the two of you, but there's, like, the whole concept that there's, like, the three species of aliens on Earth.

[George Severis]

Ooh, what are those?

[Jake Cornell]

Whoa. And it's like, lizard people, the Grays, which are, like, the classic whatever. And there's another one that's, like, the name I'm gonna forget. But they're essentially, like, gorgeous blonde people with huge blue eyes that are just like.

[Sam Taggart]

It's like.

[Jake Cornell]

Got it.

[Sam Taggart]

Got it.

[Jake Cornell]

That would be.

[Advertiser Voice]

Wow.

[George Severis]

We're back to blue eyes.

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Interesting.

[George Severis]

Well, there is something alien, like, about people with blue eyes. No offense to them. No, they're our cousins.

[Jake Cornell]

We can be that. Anyway, sorry I cut you off. The thing we were talking about, I guess.

[George Severis]

What is your first experience in pop culture of an alien that shaped what they. Because I remember, for example, seeing Signs as a kid.

[Jake Cornell]

Signs was major.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

I think the first one was that show on. Do you remember this show on Disney Channel? So weird. Yes.

[Sam Taggart]

Love that.

[Jake Cornell]

The crop circles episode of Completely.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

Which was really fun.

[Sam Taggart]

No, that was amazing.

[George Severis]

That was an irresponsible show to put on children's television. I loved that because there was something almost. They kept sort of hinting that it was actually a documentary. I was like, so is this real or not?

[Sam Taggart]

Totally. It's very. Like a boomer seeing AI.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

No, that was irresponsible.

[Jake Cornell]

So weird. Totally.

[Sam Taggart]

This is not right.

[Jake Cornell]

But I think that was my first encounter of, like, the concept of, like, an alien. And then Signs was very big also.

[Sam Taggart]

Wait, having to say, like, do you believe in aliens?

[Jake Cornell]

Animorphs. Sorry.

[Sam Taggart]

Loved. Loved. Hasn't it been announced that aliens are real, like, four times already? Like, isn't it, like. Yeah, I used to work at the FBI, and they're real. Hasn't that happened, like, a hundred times?

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah, I think. I think so. I mean, in the same.

[George Severis]

Until they can't go down the 1% road again. Go on.

[Jake Cornell]

Until they're, like, here and doing stuff. I'm, like, not bothered. Like, that's sort of my thing.

[George Severis]

Well, it's.

[Sam Taggart]

To me, it's like, Covid, where I'm gonna be like, that wasn't real. That wasn't real. That wasn't real. Then suddenly everything shut down. And I'm like.

[George Severis]

And then you're like, I believed it from the beginning.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. I'm like, I should have listened. Like, I should have canceled that thing. I should have canceled my spring trip in January.

[George Severis]

I mean, I do think it's no. It's no secret that Covid. The experience of COVID messed with people's sense of reality. Like, it's just, like, 100% and that's. It messed with people's sense of conspiracy theorizing. It messed with people's sense of who to believe and who not to believe. And so we're almost at an amazing time for the aliens to come. Cause we're already as divided as ever.

[Jake Cornell]

Well, I think it's sort of like. It was sort of like. I think for me, like, aliens coming right now would be like, me coming out of the closet when, like, my parents were, like, going through a custody battle where it's like, you're just, like, throwing something. You're sort of like, that's amazing. Do you know what I mean? It's sort of like, oh, also, by the way, I. I'm gay. And, like, keep that. You know what I mean? Where it's like, right now, if, like, if Melania was like, by the way,

[George Severis]

reveal the alien head, like, I think

[Jake Cornell]

we'd be like, okay, cool.

[George Severis]

You know, I'm already preemptively upset at the Democrats because, you know what's going to happen is that the aliens are going to come. The Republicans are immediately going to have their messaging down. They're either going to be like, we're with the aliens. Come join us. Or, like, let's kill them.

[Jake Cornell]

They're already booked on Theo, Right? Yeah.

[George Severis]

Whereas the Democrats will be holding planning meetings, having public disagreements. Some of them are advocating for inclusivity with the aliens. But then other ones are like, actually, no, liberalism does not have room for aliens. And then it's like, by the time they figure out their messaging, there's an alien in the White House.

[Jake Cornell]

Our only hope is if the aliens come and actually find true beauty in our art and then actually fight to preserve the people who are good at it, which is not conservative.

[George Severis]

That's not gonna happen, because all our art is made by either AI.

[Jake Cornell]

No, but the old. They can see what's been before.

[George Severis]

Oh, like McClain.

[Sam Taggart]

What if the aliens love.

[George Severis]

Cause no, you know what?

[Jake Cornell]

Or like, season two of The Office, Totally.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, then I'd be chilling with the aliens.

[Jake Cornell]

That's what I'm saying.

[George Severis]

I guess it would be kind of cool if they came and they liked. Cause in season two of the Office, like, if the aliens just has sort of bad taste.

[Jake Cornell]

Here's a fun question. Aliens show up. They're in your house. They're like, show us one piece of art to prove to us that this is all worth it.

[Sam Taggart]

Austin Powers, by who Shagged Me?

[George Severis]

This is really, really interesting.

[Jake Cornell]

It's an interesting question.

[George Severis]

You know, this reminds me of at the Met Gala, where they kept asking celebrities, what's your favorite work of art? And none of them knew a single work of art.

[Sam Taggart]

So fucking.

[George Severis]

And then, of course, iconically, Beyonce said, my children, my children.

[Jake Cornell]

Such a good answer.

[George Severis]

And then Gigi Hadid, God bless her, because they. This was a gotcha moment. And I actually stand with Gigi. And it's actually very rude that the New Yorker video team posted this video. Gigi simply could not think of a work of art. And then she started talking about the worst thing she could do, which is she started talking about how she does collect art. So she can't think of a work of art, but starts talking about how she collects art. And then the New Yorker interviewer is like, so, what's an art you've collected? And she's like, I honestly don't remember the name, but it's all found materials, and it's like tomatoes.

[Jake Cornell]

It's just I can always empathize.

[George Severis]

And that's me right now trying to answer your question of, like, so what would you show the aliens? You could pick any artwork. I'm like, so it's like, upcycled, but it's tomatoes.

[Guest or Interviewee]

My outfit was very much a arts and crafts moment with me and the team. We started with this canvas. I loved Lucia's Spring 98 collection, which was like, this silk material, where I think the skin and the body really spoke to through beautifully. But we wanted to go with these patches from the 2011 spring collection, which is a lot more rock and roll. But I really wanted this fabric to be the canvas. And we kind of patched these on where I felt like the best in my body. And we made a little silk mew, mew, undie. And it's very. Yeah, it was the canvas, was the body. So can you tell me there's an

[Jake Cornell]

art that has changed your life?

[Guest or Interviewee]

A piece of art that has changed my life.

[Jake Cornell]

Any medium.

[Guest or Interviewee]

Oh, my gosh. Well, I will say that. That one time I got a Piece of advice about collecting art, which is that you should always buy art that confuses you a little bit because that's what will keep you intrigued. And keep looking at it and thinking about it.

[Sam Taggart]

No, you could never.

[Jake Cornell]

I'm not even saying, like, I'm not on the spot. Television.

[George Severis]

No, no.

[Jake Cornell]

It could be. It could be a movie.

[George Severis]

Well, I'm trying to decide between, do you show them the thing that is most human or the thing that is most transcendent? You know what I mean? Because there's something. It's like you could show them a cathedral. Go to the Vatican.

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah. I think that's useless, though, if they have the technology to get here. It's like that.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. They're in your house.

[George Severis]

So you want to show them. Right. So they won't be.

[Jake Cornell]

So it is the most human, I guess.

[George Severis]

The most human. So maybe show them, like, every Time Britney Spears.

[Sam Taggart]

That'd be good. But they won't have the combination. You might want to start with Legal subject again.

[George Severis]

They don't know Every Time by Britney Spears.

[Sam Taggart]

They don't know the context.

[Jake Cornell]

But I think you could get it.

[Sam Taggart]

You'd have to do the whole Britney oeuvre.

[Jake Cornell]

The Every Time by Britney Spears seen in Spring Breakers.

[Sam Taggart]

That could work.

[George Severis]

No, you would have to show them. Like, you would have to show.

[Jake Cornell]

Now I could get.

[George Severis]

You would have to show them a child. A baby learning to speak like a baby learning a word.

[Sam Taggart]

So you're saying an Anne Gettys.

[Jake Cornell]

I literally was like, george is about to say the role of an Ann Geddes.

[George Severis]

I would have to show them Anne Geddes, Celine Dion and her. Her little baby. And Geddy's photo.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

That would be the final answer.

[Sam Taggart]

Done.

[Jake Cornell]

I think Ty TD could save him. Celine Comedy podvin.

[Sam Taggart]

They think that'd be, like, us watching. So weird. They're gonna think that's the real Selene.

[Jake Cornell]

Great. He buys us a few more years, then we can explain, and we go, hey, guess what? There's another one. And she's even nuttier.

[George Severis]

This is tough. This is really tough because I keep it really? Really. You confront the. You confront how not fallible humans are, but how uncertain it all is. Where I'm like, I actually can think of an artwork that is, hands down, a complete serve.

[Jake Cornell]

No, totally. And you sort of want to be like, to the alien, like, so it's like your vibe. You know what I mean? I want to play to yours because

[George Severis]

it's about the context. Every artwork I'm thinking of that I think is a masterpiece Is because I know I understand the context of where it came from.

[Sam Taggart]

I think I'd have to be like, let's just go it for like. I'd be like, let's go get a coffee.

[George Severis]

So you would.

[Sam Taggart]

But.

[George Severis]

So you're showing them nature and is

[Sam Taggart]

that you're showing them around town, you're

[Jake Cornell]

showing them the redwoods and are you hoping that that alien finds that nature healing

[George Severis]

when you're going around town? You think getting a cortado is going to convince you you're so mad.

[Sam Taggart]

I think getting a cortado would really actually set the right foot.

[Jake Cornell]

A perfectly made soy cortado.

[George Severis]

Soy.

[Sam Taggart]

I think, well, we don't know what their stomachs are like, we don't know if they can handle real.

[Jake Cornell]

I enjoy the flavor that soy milk becomes when it's steamed.

[George Severis]

Do you think that it's more likely they can handle dairy or soy? The aliens, the ultimate test of whether they're gayer straight, by the way, is if they order their cortado that you take them out to get with dairy or soy.

[Sam Taggart]

I think, well, you'd obviously have to make the choice for them because they'd

[George Severis]

start speaking, they'd be looking at the

[Sam Taggart]

menu and be like, oh. And then you'd just have to be like, trust me.

[George Severis]

You'll have to be like, she'll get a cortata.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

And it's interesting because every gay person kind of has the same face. Alien movie. I feel now don't scare me.

[George Severis]

Oh, Arrival.

[Jake Cornell]

It's Arrival. Because the aliens come and have a new concept.

[George Severis]

Totally.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

Well that is of course the dream. And this. Yeah, well, it's like, yes, the gay dream is to communicate with the aliens and coexist with them, whereas a straight dream is to dominate them.

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

You know what I mean?

[Sam Taggart]

Well, I don't know if you guys just saw project Hail Mary or not, but I'd say that's in the straight canon. And they did communicate.

[George Severis]

Not only is it in the straight canon, I thought. Cause we were considering, you know, sometimes

[Jake Cornell]

we'll do adding Ryan on straight.

[George Severis]

I was thinking that if we'd ever do a straight thing of the year awards, project Hail Mary to me is the straightest. One of the straightest movies literally ever made. I would say it. I've never seen it.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, that's. No, I'm the only gay person on the other side.

[George Severis]

Exactly. No, it is. It's one of those weird. It doesn't even. Because you know what? It unthe straightest movie so far is the Movie Game night, starring Rachel McCad. I'm just heavy, so.

[Jake Cornell]

Oh, I've heard it's good.

[George Severis]

It's funny in a sort of broad comedy way, but it is the most. It is literally about the pitfalls of interesting.

[Jake Cornell]

Like, to me, the straightest movie of all time is the Patriot.

[George Severis]

Yeah. But I think anything where there is one star who's kind of slaying. You could so easily see, like, a gay guy who has just gotten hot. Like, he got sober and then started going to the gym dressing as the Patriot for Halloween, you know?

[Jake Cornell]

Ot.

[George Severis]

There's something about Game Night that is so heterosexual. Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

Interesting.

[George Severis]

But anyway, Project. Hail Mary to me and the Martian, to be honest.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, yeah.

[George Severis]

Are both such straight fantasies.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. They're like a newer. They're like.

[George Severis]

But it's like, what if outer space was blurg?

[Sam Taggart]

It's like, what if outer space was blurg? And also, I'm really smart. I'm really fucking chill. I don't really have an ego and I'm just, like, fucking around up here. That's like a classic.

[Jake Cornell]

And what if my norminess is the reason I was chosen?

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

But I will say Sandra Huller is in it. And she eats.

[George Severis]

Does she?

[Sam Taggart]

I think she does.

[George Severis]

Okay, good. I'm happy to hear that.

[Jake Cornell]

It almost feels as though they knew I was straight and they said, let's get Sandy in here to try to eat.

[George Severis]

That's true. That does complicate things.

[Sam Taggart]

It helped a lot, I must say.

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Because. Yeah. I can't talk about Ryan. I can't talk about Ryan.

[George Severis]

No, it's tough.

[Sam Taggart]

It's tough.

[George Severis]

I gotta rewatch.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, me too.

[George Severis]

Now, that is a classic.

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Talk about a film.

[Jake Cornell]

Talk about a film.

[Sam Taggart]

Should we wrap up?

[George Severis]

Can I ask something about Arrival? Is the part where she holds a sign that says human real or is that a meme that someone created?

[Jake Cornell]

It's real.

[George Severis]

So she thinks. I mean, that's iconic for her, the big scientist. For her big idea to be. To hold up a sign that in English says human.

[Jake Cornell]

No, but that's the point that they like.

[Sam Taggart]

That makes sense.

[Jake Cornell]

The whole scene before it, where they're like. She does the whole break of what they're going to have to do to explain language.

[George Severis]

I have seen it, but it's been a while. Apologies to Amy Adams.

[Sam Taggart]

And sometimes the simplest answer is the right one.

[George Severis]

No, it's true. It's true. And it's like, do I have a better idea? What would I do, an interpretive dance? I don't think so.

[Sam Taggart]

I think I told you this, but one time when I was in third grade, my teacher was like, it's so important to have fresh ideas and people don't know what could be. Milk could be the cure for cancer. And I remember being like, oh, my God, has anyone tried that? I was like, milk's the cure for cancer.

[George Severis]

Hello.

[Sam Taggart]

Waking up.

[Jake Cornell]

That's really funny.

[Sam Taggart]

I was sure. I was like, you just stumbled upon it. No one's tried that.

[George Severis]

That's very Ivermectin of you.

[Sam Taggart]

That is very.

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah, she sounds maha as fuck.

[George Severis]

Yeah, Your teacher's literally like, the milk is a cure for cancer.

[Sam Taggart]

You're like, fuck, we didn't have Maha yet. Also, the way you said ivermectin, I was like, is that a play?

[George Severis]

Wait, what is it called?

[Sam Taggart]

Is that a movie? I mean, you mostly got it right,

[George Severis]

but I think it's Iver Ivermectin.

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah, but you were in Sandra Heueler mind.

[George Severis]

I said titanique and someone told me it's titanique.

[Jake Cornell]

It's titanique because it's the Titanic.

[George Severis]

Yeah, that's what I was saying. It.

[Sam Taggart]

You were saying like, titan.

[Jake Cornell]

Titan.

[George Severis]

There is no I sound. In French, it would say titanique, but it's fake. It's like when people say Iraq, a famous French country.

[Narrator/Announcer]

It's a celebration 250 years in the making.

And we want everyone in America, from Maine to Montana, from Alabama to Alaska to be a part of it.

This year marks America's 250th anniversary, and we're coming together from coast to coast at star spangled events, live performances, and the largest day of giving in American history.

Join the nationwide [e-mail]

[Advertiser Voice]

you fired up the grill, you strung the lights, you even cleaned the patio furniture. But let's be honest, your cornhole set is an embarrassment. This summer, level up with official American cornhole league gear. We're talking pro quality boards, bags, and everything you need to become the undisputed backyard champion of your entire neighborhood. Or at least beat your brother in law. Shop [e-mail] because summer's too short for bad cornhole.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

Support for the show comes from public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index. With AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures available at public.com disclosures dealing

[Advertiser Voice]

with fatigue, mood changes or skin shifts Labs keep coming back normal Midoestra from Inner Balance all in one doctor prescribed prescription strength bioidentical hormone cream designed for menopause and perimenopause relief. Oestra combines two hormones for relief in one simple treatment, replacing the five or six products many women juggle just one drop 10 seconds a day. Take the quick two minute quiz online. To order Oestra today, visit innerbalance.com to feel like yourself again. That's innerbalance.com.

[George Severis]

Wait, Jake, you're on tour? I am.

[Jake Cornell]

This comes out on two.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

Cool. I'm in Washington, D.C. june 12th and then I think I'm in Boston at Laugh Boston I think June 14th, but in June. And then I'm at the Gifford house in Provincetown June 21st and then I'll be in Guernville, California in August and I'm at the Bell House here in Brooklyn July 15th.

[Sam Taggart]

Fun.

[Jake Cornell]

Please come to all those.

[George Severis]

This is a new hour.

[Jake Cornell]

New hour? Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

You're doing what's Guernville like performance wise?

[Jake Cornell]

I don't know. This is my first time. I'm so excited.

[George Severis]

Have you ever been not performing?

[Sam Taggart]

No.

[George Severis]

Are you going for Lazy Bear Weekend?

[Jake Cornell]

I don't think so. But they. They're like the resorts are doing comedy now. So I'm at those. Yeah, I'm excited. I'll give them your numbers.

[George Severis]

Please, please.

[Jake Cornell]

But yeah. And I feel like most people here are in Brooklyn. So come to the Bell House July 15th.

[George Severis]

No, some of them we're global in Chicago.

[Jake Cornell]

Okay, great.

[George Severis]

Dc End of list.

[Sam Taggart]

Dc.

[George Severis]

Our final segment is called Shout Out. Believe it or not. And we think of them on the spot and we shout out to something that we are enjoying and want to recommend to our squad back home. I want to give a very serious literary shout out to Troy Peters, past guest who is a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize. And I want to say people seem to not care when I say this fact, but I want to say officially, we've had three past Straighter Lab guests that have been either finalists or winners for the Pulitzer Prize in three different categories. Andrea Langchu for I believe criticism, Cola Scola for theater, and Torrey Peters for fiction.

[Jake Cornell]

Wow.

[George Severis]

And I would really love to know what other comedy podcasts can say that.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, I was so happy to see that because that book was so damn good.

[George Severis]

It was so good. And I actually think it's so cool that she got it for Stag Dance rather than Detransition Baby. Even though I love Detransition Baby. But Stagnance is such a, like, more weird and, like, formally inventive.

[Sam Taggart]

It's really stuck with me.

[George Severis]

Yeah, it's so cool.

[Sam Taggart]

Anyway, okay, well, what's up, Freak Solutions and perverts around the globe? I would like to give a huge, huge tonal shift shout out to the videos online, where it's a guy being like, does this guy look gay? And the guys are always like, yeah, he looks gay. And then they'll be like, okay, do you think someone would think you're gay? And he goes, no, I'm totally straight. Then they show a picture of that guy to the next guy and go, does he look gay? And they go, yeah, he's totally gay.

[George Severis]

I've never seen this.

[Sam Taggart]

And they go over. It's like a loop. And they keep going to new guys and they always are like, I'm fucking straight, bro. There's no way they're gonna think I'm gay. Then they show them to the next guy and the guy's like, that's a gay guy. And it makes me laugh so hard. It's one a bit dark because it is just like the brutality of straight men just kind of being afraid that men around them are gay. But it's also so, so funny that they're always like, nah, bro, I'm fucking straight. And then immediately a person's like, that guy's getting. It's to die for. I cannot recommend these videos enough. I will show them to both of you after we are done. Xoxo, Sam.

[Jake Cornell]

Hi to the freaks, losers and perverts. I want to give a shout out to Twisted Tea. I am constantly trying to get in contact with you guys. I have some ideas for us. I love Twisted Tea. I think it is a refreshing beverage that gay people should be drinking more. It's not carbonated. You don't burp. It's really nice. It's really, really nice. It does a nice low ABV option. It's great on the beach. One time I brought it to the beach. When people on the beach were saying, I really want twisted teas. I snuck away. I bought them. I came. You would have thought I was bringing medicine to the girl like Balto. Everyone was screaming. Everyone was jumping up and down. Twisted tea brings joy. I really want to throw a twisted tea kegger. I think we can make it fun. We can make it a fundraiser.

[George Severis]

Oh, my God. I didn't even know twisted tea was alcohol. It's something that I only see in the store. So it's an alcoholic ice cream.

[Jake Cornell]

People feel away from twisted tea. And I want to bring us into the forefront.

[Sam Taggart]

Thank you for saying this. I actually need to confess. I was rude to someone recently. They came over and they brought twisted teas. And I said, why did you do that?

[Jake Cornell]

Didn't mean you had a scent.

[Sam Taggart]

And in fact, I didn't drink a single one.

[George Severis]

Oh.

[Sam Taggart]

And they sat in the refrigerator for a while. And then I said, well, I'm leaving for a bit, so I'm gonna throw these in the garbage now.

[George Severis]

So they are iced teas.

[Jake Cornell]

They're so good.

[George Severis]

They don't expire.

[Jake Cornell]

It's literally a hard tea. I just didn't want them in the texture. It's literally a hard.

[George Severis]

Oh, that sounds delicious.

[Sam Taggart]

Is it sweet?

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

Okay.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. That's the downside.

[George Severis]

That's the thing with any sort of, like, ready made iced tea drink is I don't trust that they're gonna get the sweetness correct.

[Jake Cornell]

It's not crazy sweet. I also think people in our age group, you can handle more sweetness than you can think.

[George Severis]

Well, this is a classic millennial thing. Is it too sweet?

[Jake Cornell]

Oh, not too sweet. I hate. Watch this one. I don't. But people think they are sweet. Such a fucking hero for adding salt to a dessert recipe.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, sure.

[Jake Cornell]

People think the work they are doing being like, and I'm just gonna double the salt. Cause I don't like it too. Oh, my God.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

You're gonna die with it.

[George Severis]

By the way, you can handle putting olive oil on desserts, I think.

[Sam Taggart]

Thank you.

[Jake Cornell]

Stop.

[George Severis]

It's enough.

[Jake Cornell]

Stop putting more tahini than sugar in your cookies. A little tahini. Fine.

[Sam Taggart]

Sometimes those tahini cookies really hit a little bit.

[Jake Cornell]

The tahini chocolate chip cookie at apartment 4F. It's one of the best things I've Ever had in my life. But some of these. I'm sorry, I'm chewing on. On sesame paste.

[George Severis]

Well, we have moved on to miso. Tahini is very 2000 and tens.

[Jake Cornell]

Okay, well, don't even get me started. Oh, so now it has to be fermented and salty.

[George Severis]

Well, I do think miso's already on its final days in terms of desserts.

[Jake Cornell]

I just think. I think it is incredibly chic to like genuinely sweet things. I think what you are trying to obfuscate by adding a savory component is humiliating. I think you should be humiliated. Do you show up to someone's house with a matcha dessert? You should feel so embarrassed.

[George Severis]

You're like nostalgic food for, like the cookies that a waspy great grandmother.

[Jake Cornell]

I want you to show up with a German chocolate cake. I want you to blow someone's ass out with sugar. Like, stop bringing these, like slightly savory. It makes me so. Fuck me doing it. I don't think so, honey.

[Sam Taggart]

On your coffee, literally.

[Jake Cornell]

True. But it makes me so mad. People being but people. It's from bartending for 10 years. You make a cocktail, is it gonna be sweet? Well.

[George Severis]

Well. Oh, my God. That's the worst thing you can say to a bartender. As though they haven't considered it. As though not every single person comes in every night asking if it's gonna be too sweet.

[Jake Cornell]

Is there sugar in it?

[Sam Taggart]

Well, it's unfair. It is always too sweet.

[George Severis]

You know, to be fair.

[Sam Taggart]

It is always too sweet.

[Jake Cornell]

You are. Would you say it's too sweet 1% of the time.

[George Severis]

Combative today.

[Jake Cornell]

It's crazy.

[Sam Taggart]

Sorry. I'm sticking up for myself for once. Sorry. You can't walk all over me today.

[George Severis]

I'm gonna work the aliens do take. We're gonna dinner after this and I'm gonna make you have an extra, extra sweet margarita.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm never.

[George Severis]

Mango. Mango margarita.

[Jake Cornell]

Oh, my God. Strawberry.

[Sam Taggart]

They don't sell them at the restaurant we're even going to because it's too clash for such a sweet beverage.

[Jake Cornell]

And to assume that sweetness is antithetical to class says so much.

[George Severis]

No, totally. You know what I'm struggling with now, of course, is that I do actually fundamentally agree with Sam in terms of his taste. But I also agree with you in a more theoretical way that you are right that we've gone too far as a culture and the pendulum is gonna swing.

[Sam Taggart]

You just won't agree with me today. You just won't agree with me today.

[George Severis]

I'm being very wishy washy. You Know, I'm being sort of. I'm kind of being Kamala Harris campaigning for.

[Jake Cornell]

I think what this episode is. If anyone has the ability to break this podcast up, it might be me.

[George Severis]

I literally never didn't even try.

[Jake Cornell]

Is the thing didn't happen the first episode.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

The first episode.

[Jake Cornell]

He did some really good work, and I think.

[George Severis]

No, absolutely. Actually one of my favorite episodes.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. It's true.

[Jake Cornell]

Liza Trager recently told me it changed her life.

[Sam Taggart]

Really?

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

For the better or worse?

[Jake Cornell]

For the better.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, good.

[Jake Cornell]

And I don't know that this one will, but we. Yeah.

[George Severis]

Lysa Traeger is one of those people that I think remains open enough to new ideas that I think things are changing her life on a near constant basis.

[Jake Cornell]

She's one of my favorite people in the world.

[George Severis]

No, I would not.

[Sam Taggart]

No. Love her to death.

[George Severis]

Yeah. But I think she has maintained this sense of wonder that we all share. A new concept is introduced in the world. Like, she reads better on the news and she's like, I'm going to drop everything and learn about this for 24 hours.

[Jake Cornell]

I'm so good at it.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Jake Cornell]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, shout out to Lisa Trager.

[Jake Cornell]

That's my actual shout out.

[George Severis]

Huge shoutout to Lisa Trager, one of the only literal comedians we have left.

[Sam Taggart]

I know.

[Jake Cornell]

Oh, if you want to go to comedy and have it be funny, that's your girl.

[George Severis]

No, it's crazy. She's the only funny, funny person alive.

[Jake Cornell]

She's the only one left.

[George Severis]

Fun to hang out with and fun to hang out with. And we'll always say something surprising. One time she bought someone a gift, and it was a little boo boo that she had to order from another

[Jake Cornell]

country before we were even friends. Didn't even know her well, yet. I happened to be at the same restaurant her for my birthday dinner, and she sent me me a drink.

[George Severis]

Oh, my God.

[Jake Cornell]

Which. Let me just say this and we can end it. Me ending your own podcast. Sending someone a drink across a restaurant is one of the single chicest things you can do. It's one of the chicest things you can do. Also, people forget this culture has completely died. If you know someone's going to a restaurant, you can call that restaurant and buy something for that table. Send a bottle of champagne. No one's doing it.

[George Severis]

Someone did that to me once, and they bought me. I mean, it wasn't just me. It was me and my then fiance. They sent us caviar.

[Advertiser Voice]

Wow.

[George Severis]

To congratulate us for getting.

[Sam Taggart]

Gosh, that's cool.

[Jake Cornell]

That's beautiful.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, well, this has been one of our most controversial episodes ever and I will see you guys at the Met. Bye.

[George Severis]

Bye. Podcast ends now for our visual learners. You can watch full video episodes on our YouTube video and subscribe to our

[Sam Taggart]

Patreon for two extra episodes a month

[George Severis]

at patreon.com Stradiolab Stradiolab is a production

[Sam Taggart]

by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network

[George Severis]

and iHeart Podcasts, created and hosted by me, George Severis and Sam Taggart, executive

[Sam Taggart]

produced by Jenna Cagle, co produced by

[George Severis]

Becca Ramos, edited by Lauren Stumpf and mixed and mastered by Doug Behm Artwork

[Sam Taggart]

by Michael Fails and Matt Grubb Theme music by Ben Kling.

[Narrator/Announcer]

It's a celebration 250 years in the

making, and we want everyone in America, from Maine to Montana, from Alabama to Alaska, to be a part of it.

This year marks America's 250th anniversary, and we're coming together from coast to coast at star spangled events, live performances, and the largest day of giving in American history.

Don't join the nationwide [e-mail]

[Advertiser Voice]

you fired up the grill, you strung the lights, you even cleaned the patio furniture. But let's be honest, your cornhole set is an embarrassment this summer. Level up with official American Cornhole League gear. We're talking pro quality boards, bags, and everything you need to become the undisputed backyard champion of your entire neighborhood. Or at least beat your brother in law. Shop [e-mail] because summer's too short for bad cornhole,

[Narrator/Announcer]

I'm U.S. transportation Secretary Sean Duffy. We all seem to be in a rush these days, from work to driving our kids around. But when you're behind the wheel, please do not speed. A few minutes saved by going fast is never worth the risk. So follow the speed limit, enjoy the drive, maybe bring some snacks for the kids. And know that along the way, you're getting quality time with your family.

[Jake Cornell]

Paid for by NHTSA

[Narrator/Announcer]

at cvs. It matters that we're not just in your community, but that we're part of it. It matters that we're here for you when you need us, day or night. And we want everyone to feel welcomed and rewarded. It matters that CVS is here to fill your prescriptions and here to fill your craving for a tasty and, yeah, healthy snack. At cvs, we're proud to serve your community because we believe where you get your medicine matters. So Visit [e-mail] or just come by our store. We can't wait to meet you. Store hours vary by location. This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.