"Cruises" w/ Nicole Byer

Summary

StraightioLab Podcast: "Cruises" w/ Nicole Byer

Host: Big Money Players Network & iHeartPodcasts
Episode Date: January 27, 2026
Guests: Nicole Byer
Hosts: George Civeris, Sam Taggart

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Episode Overview

In this episode, comedians George Civeris and Sam Taggart are joined by the irrepressible Nicole Byer to dive into one of the most mysteriously "straight" experiences in American culture: cruises. As always, the trio skewers cultural phenomena with humor and curiosity, exploring what makes cruise vacations so enticing for some—and deeply repellent for others. They detour through topics like gym culture, smoking, cooking, pop culture, and the future of both AI and physical media, all before landing the ship squarely back on the subject of cruises and their bizarre, all-consuming social dynamics.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. LA Life, Gym Culture & Nudity

[02:45–10:12]

• George and Sam discuss adjusting to LA—George finds he's liking it more when busy with "places to be" and treating it “as if living here, not visiting.”
• The gym as a hub for both wellness and uncomfortable socializing: Sam talks about running into acquaintances in the locker room and sauna, “Is it normal to be naked in front of you?” ([07:03], Sam).
• Nicole recounts a man "Winnie the Pooh-ing it" (shirt, no pants/underwear) at LA Fitness, leading her to quit:

  "Because a man walked in once, Winnie the Pooing it...He sat on multiple machines." ([07:53], Nicole)

• The trio jokes about cosplay characters (like Hello Kitty in full costume) at LA gyms, musing on authenticity:

  “Sometimes actually having a mask on is more authentic than having a mask off.” ([09:39], George)

2. Waking Up Early is a Crime (or a Discipline)

[10:14–12:34]

• Early risers are suspicious:

  "If you wake up at 5:00am, you’re a murderer." ([10:45], Nicole)

• In LA, sleeping in feels shameful:

  "When I wake up at 10:00am in Los Angeles, California, people are like, there's a stench on you." ([11:29], Sam)

• Contrast LA vs. New York's attitudes on sin, productivity, and schedules.

3. Vices, Drinking, Smoking & Willpower

[12:34–18:53]

• The group swaps dry January tales, the futility and relativity of moderation.
• Nicole on smoking: she adores cigarettes and resists switching to vapes or Zyns:

  "I love a cigarette. I think they're delicious." ([15:49], Nicole)

• George credits Gwyneth Paltrow’s “balance between tofu and cigarettes” for briefly sustaining his own habit.
• Smoking as European and cultural:

  "Once you taste... this relaxes me, makes me feel cool... Don't do it because it's never—it's always going to torture you." ([15:51], George)

• Nicole shares her quitting smoking for a year for a partner, then restarting after their breakup:

  “The first thing I did (after the breakup) was light up a cigarette.” ([18:21], Nicole)

4. Cooking is Overrated

[21:59–25:45]

• Sam and Nicole both confess to hating cooking, with Nicole’s summary:

  “You have to fucking prepare everything. You have to get the ingredients… then you have to clean up after. Ugh.” ([22:24], Nicole)

• Coffee-making rituals are a dividing line: George cherishes them, Nicole skips, buying canned cold brew instead.
• LA’s disadvantage compared to NYC: fewer spontaneous food options within walking distance.

5. Celebrity Culture, Age, and Fame Evolution

[32:28–35:08]

• Nicole admits to not knowing who young pop stars like Addison Rae or Tate McRae are.
• Everyone expresses bewilderment at modern fame and the endless proliferation of “mildly famous” people.

  “Is everyone just going to be mildly famous and that's just going to be the new thing?” ([33:33], George)

• Ideal: "America’s Next Top 37 Year Old" reality show for new adult celebrities.

6. Main Topic: Why Cruises are the Apex of Straight Culture

[38:50–73:59]

“Cruises” as a Topic

• Nicole frames cruises as the laziest, straightest vacation:

  “A big nasty cruise ship where you bring your nasty little kids and your ugly wife that you hate… I don't want to think about my meals, I just want to eat at the buffet… feels like a lack of effort.” ([38:59], Nicole)

• Cruises are “comp-vacation”—the vacation equivalent of compulsory heterosexuality (“comp het”):

  “That's what a cruise is, is like comp vacation where you're like, I feel like I'm supposed to be on vacation, so I am. And it's like, you're not really there for fun.” ([39:40], Sam)

The Terrors of Being Trapped

• The ship leaves if you’re not back:

  “You're on this big ship with the same fucking weirdos… if you're not back, the boat fucking leaves you.” ([39:53], Nicole)

• Being on a timetable is inherently unrelaxing.
• The cult/community aspect is superficial:

  “The second you accidentally leave or make a mistake, you're shut out.” ([44:44], George recounting a cruise article)

Cruises - Modes of Transport Shouldn’t Be Fun

• George: “Modes of transportation need to be just that. Don’t try to make it fun… Don’t try to build a home inside the jet.” ([41:13], George)
• Sam: “Travel is meant to be painful.” ([42:02], Sam)

Limos, Party Buses & Faux Luxury

• Limos defended for their silliness, but party buses and private jets get called out for trying to put a “fun” facade on a fundamentally unpleasant experience.

Cruises as Artificial, Rule-Bound "Communes"

• The cruise attempts to create instant community, but loyalty is only “on board.”
• Nicole: “People just want community… But just talk to your fucking neighbor!” ([43:57], Nicole)
• George: Compares to Burning Man—commune with so many rules it comes full-circle to rigidity.
• Sam: Cruise contests (like dad cannonball contests) exemplify manufactured and unnecessary faux community.

Inclusivity & Kinks

• All-inclusive culture is criticized as “lazy.” It saps organic adventure.
• Cruises, even when themed as “gay cruises,” maintain their straight energy:

  “I still think a gay cruise is straight.” ([49:40], Nicole)

“Kink” of Being Trapped

• Sam wonders if being trapped on a cruise is a kind of kink:

  “Is there like a kink element to it where, like, knowing you are trapped, it heightens the experience?... I'm a sub for Disney for the next five days.” ([73:17], Sam)

Themed Cruises

• Discussion of themed cruises (Disney, Broadway, Rosie O’Donnell, band cruises) as further manifestations of the “let’s take everything from land and just put it on a boat” ethic.
• None of them appeal to the trio, except maybe a Rosie O’Donnell cruise.

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Notable Quotes & Highlights w/ Timestamps

• Nicole on Quitting LA Fitness:

  "Because a man walked in once, Winnie the Pooing it...He sat on multiple machines." ([07:53], Nicole)

• On LA vs. New York Sin:

  “When I wake up at 10:00am… people are like, there’s a stench on you.” ([11:29], Sam)

• Nicole on smoking culture:

  “I love a cigarette. I think they're delicious.” ([15:49], Nicole)

• On Cruises & Community:

  "Cruises are lazy. In a way where I feel like straight couples sometimes get really lazy in their relationships because you just buy the ticket and then you choose your own adventure after you’re there.” ([71:13], Nicole)

• George on Cruise Community:

  “If you don't make it back on time, you’re just no longer part of it.” ([44:44], George)

• George on Modern Fame:

  “Is everyone just going to be mildly famous and that's just going to be the new thing?” ([33:33], George)

• Sam on Being a Disney Sub:

  “I'm a sub for Disney for the next five days. I don't have a personality. I am simply Disney's sub.” ([73:37], Sam)

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Fun Moments & Detours

• Smoking & Shallots:

  • Nicole and George swap stories about the best ways to smoke and whether parliament cigarettes were designed for cocaine—“I just literally thought…” ([20:55], Nicole)
  • Shallots, “the gay onion”—Nicole: “It's a funny onion.”

• All-Inclusive Culture, Dorm Life:

  • Sam dreams of “all-inclusive normal life” (dorms with dining halls), but dreads cruise-style self-selected communities:

    "If it’s self-selecting, I’ll be able—I don’t like these people." ([72:35], Sam)

• Physical media & Magazine Nostalgia:

  • The group longs for the return of DVDs, magazines, and even jokes about podcasting on CDs:

    "We're gonna release the podcast in CDs. That would actually be huge, can you imagine?" ([60:51], George)

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Final Segment: Shout Outs ([85:42–90:56])

• Sam: Shout-out to watching movies George recommends, and to Amanda Seyfried:

  “We love what you’re doing. That’s all that really matters… Sydney Sweeney, hang in there.” ([86:45], Sam)

• George: Shout-out to “straight men with a gay aesthetic sensibility” (ex: Paul Feig), wishing they used it for good:

  “You guys have all the power, and it is about time you use it.” ([89:56], George)

• Nicole: Shout-out to her pole studio “Luscious Maven Studios” and instructor Veronica, and a reverse shout-out to the rude staff at Bungee Air Fitness in Burbank.

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Pop Culture Sprints

• Nicole’s infamous taste for “bad movies” (Craven, Venom) and her emotional response to Venom (“cried during Venom – because it's about friendships, really” ([68:10], Nicole)).
• Marisa Tomei’s turn as a tugboat captain is recommended viewing.
• Brief lament for Timothée Chalamet’s eternal twinkiness (“It’s also like, you can’t be twink forever. I’m bored. Grow up.” ([84:54], Nicole)).
• Tattoos: Nicole’s “butt menagerie” with food puns, and matching “Goodnight World” tattoo with Sasheer Zamata.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• LA & Gym Culture intro: [02:45–10:12]
• Sleep/Wake Culture: [10:14–12:34]
• Vices (Drinking, Smoking): [12:34–18:53]
• Cooking & Coffee Rituals: [21:59–25:45]
• Modern Celeb & Fame Confusion: [32:28–35:08]
• Main Cruise Discussion: [38:50–73:59]
• All-inclusive, Dorm Life Tangents: [71:43–73:08]
• Physical Media & Magazine Nostalgia: [60:24–64:18]
• Shout-Outs & End Segment: [85:42–90:56]

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Conclusion & Takeaway

Cruises are pilloried as the ultimate straight vacation: devoid of effort, authenticity, or adventure, “a lazy way to do a vacation.” Even gay cruises, the hosts argue, inherit this straight energy because they prioritize predictable, community-in-a-can experiences over organic adventure.

The episode showcases what makes StraightioLab unique: digressive, joyous critique wrapped in warmth and absurdity. Nicole Byer shines, bringing her signature irreverence to every subject—from gym perils to the deep pleasures of “bad” movies and the therapeutic satisfaction of pole dancing.

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Memorable Closing Quote:

“Cruises are lazy. In a way where I feel like straight couples sometimes get really lazy in their relationships…As opposed to, like, let's go to this location… Maybe you'll wander down a street and see something cool. I just—the thought of, like getting on my vacation and that's it.” ([71:13], Nicole Byer)

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For further comic social anthropology, and to hear why all-inclusives, Burning Man, and Disney cruises are basically straight in spirit, catch the full episode.

Transcript

[Nicole Byer]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

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[Nicole Byer]

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[Nicole Byer]

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[Sam Taggart]

You can absolutely trust.

[Nicole Byer]

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[George Severis]

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[George Severis]

Offer of half off unlimited wireless.

[Nicole Byer]

So here's the idea. You get it now. You call it an early present for next year.

[George Severis]

What do you have to lose? Give it a try.

[Nicole Byer]

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[Sam Taggart]

Podcast starts now. What is up, everyone around the globe, we are coming at you from sunny Los Angeles, California.

[George Severis]

I have to tell you, you know, there's no way around it. I'm enjoying myself in LA this time around.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm so curious to hear about that perspective.

[George Severis]

Am I not glowing? I mean, maybe not physically, because I'm newly off Accutane, so my skin has never looked worse, but that's not true. Thank you. I think. Well, there is actually professional lighting on me right now, so I am glowing from outside rather than from within. But I don't know, it's like I'm really having this second wave of Los Angeles affection. Sorry, my stomach is grumbling.

[Sam Taggart]

I think mine was too. It might have been.

[George Severis]

Oh, my God, we're synced.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, my God, this is amazing.

[George Severis]

That's really cool. Even though you just had a breakfast burrito.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, it's grumbling for a different reason.

[George Severis]

Explain yourself. Oh, you're ready to sort of go to step two, Step one, eat.

[Sam Taggart]

Step two, step one, eat.

[George Severis]

Whereas I've had two iced Americanos and I am not feeling good.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, so you're liking Los Angeles?

[George Severis]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Sam Taggart]

What are you liking? What's different?

[George Severis]

I think what it is is you have to, like, you genuinely have to be busy. And if you're not, you will want to jump off a bridge. And I've been lucky enough that this time around, I've had things to do, places to be, friends to see, and I'm not kind of like, you know, finding myself walking 40 minutes. Cause I don't want to take an Uber to like, you know, a sort of like, meeting with the assistant of like a raccoon that lives on the street so that they can be like, we love your energy.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, this is actually an interesting point. Have you, like, you're not like, doing a million meetings?

[George Severis]

Excuse me?

[Sam Taggart]

No, like in a good way. Like in a good way. Like, you're self confident.

[George Severis]

Oh, so I'm. So you think I'm flopping? You think people are responding? Maybe attending to the calendar invite and then not showing up?

[Sam Taggart]

I don't think you're doing meetings in, like, the, like the young way.

[George Severis]

But you know, Sam, when you're as booked as I am, you actually don't have time for meetings. You know, it's more about current projects and potential projects.

[Sam Taggart]

So basically that's what I mean. Like, you're not like doing the thing where you're like, oh, I'm ubering to Beverly Hills for a random.

[George Severis]

I am, yes. I'm basically what I'm doing is I'm cosplaying, actually living here. I'm not treating it as visiting, I'm treating it as like it's normal. I know what I'm doing. I have my places to be and I don't know, I'm like, I'm seeing the light.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, it's bright out, I'll tell you that much. I. No, similarly, I've had an amazing morning, start to finish. I of course went to the gym. The only place on earth where I'm happy.

[George Severis]

So you, have you actually talked about this on Non Patreon. You're in this gym that is basically a sort of networking kind of like all.

[Sam Taggart]

See, now he's trying to neg me.

[Nicole Byer]

Am I allowed to talk during this part?

[Sam Taggart]

You are.

[George Severis]

You are.

[Sam Taggart]

We tell the guests not to, but we hope they feel enough familiarity where they do anyway.

[George Severis]

Well, we're setting you. It's a trap that we set for you. Because if you don't talk, then it's like, so does she not have a personality? But then if you do talk, we're like, I'm sorry, we said don't talk. Anything you'd like to add?

[Sam Taggart]

Welcome to the podcast. Nicole Byer.

[George Severis]

Nicole Byer.

[Nicole Byer]

Hey, are you Nicole? No.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh my God, no.

[Nicole Byer]

A gym call.

[Sam Taggart]

It's just a club of like minded people who think fitness is an amazing way to get to know your body and also your community.

[George Severis]

And you can use what happens. You sell the product to the next generation of sellers and it's entrepreneurship and if you do it for long enough, you actually can rise to level B. And that is when you get to meet Tom.

[Sam Taggart]

Tom is amazing.

[George Severis]

He lives in Australia and you can zoom with him at level B, but level A, you actually get a flight paid for your. You pay for it yourself. You get to fly to Melbourne and meet him one on one. No one has ever returned. Oh.

[Sam Taggart]

So pretty much I love my gym more.

[Nicole Byer]

What gym is it? Or do you not want to say?

[George Severis]

Well, I can't say. On air, it's the.

[Sam Taggart]

We will bleep it.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay, great.

[Sam Taggart]

And it's like every day I run into someone new there and I go, oh my God, you go here too.

[Nicole Byer]

And it's, oh, someone new that you.

[Sam Taggart]

Know that I know. And I'm like, this is the best gym I've ever been to. Although I know we've talked about nudity before, but it's so complex in my past I've been like, of course I'm comfortable with nudity, but that was before I'd be at a gym where I knew people that was like strangers.

[Nicole Byer]

Sure.

[Sam Taggart]

Now when it's someone who you're like, well, yeah, we've met five times. I don't know if I'm. Is it normal to be naked in front of you?

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, are you running into people in the locker room?

[George Severis]

Yeah. Well, do you. Obviously we're not gonna say who it is. But you just saw. Well, we can't say.

[Sam Taggart]

We can't say.

[Nicole Byer]

You could pick a locker. Not next to that person.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, what about the sauna and steam room and needless to say, hot tub. Yeah.

[George Severis]

What about when he wants.

[Nicole Byer]

Are you naked in those places?

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, well, you have a towel, but.

[George Severis]

Sometimes, sometimes it comes off and then sometimes you start touching yourself.

[Sam Taggart]

No, it's a very non cruising.

[Nicole Byer]

You jerk off and.

[Sam Taggart]

No, it's a non cruising gym. It's the only non cruising gym I've actually ever been to.

[Nicole Byer]

There's a sign at the entrance. This is a non cruising gym.

[George Severis]

Well, you'd be surprised. Sometimes we do. You know, sometimes people in our community need to be told.

[Nicole Byer]

I was like a member of LA Fitness for a long time, but I've never used the steam room, the sauna or a hot tub.

[George Severis]

And why, why did you leave?

[Nicole Byer]

Why did I leave?

[George Severis]

Why did you leave?

[Nicole Byer]

Because a man walked in once, Winnie the Pooing it. And he was not wearing pants or underwear. Well, no, no. In like the gym area. I was like upstairs on the treadmill and I saw him and I was like, oh no, this can't be good. Nobody stopped him. He sat on multiple machines.

[George Severis]

Wait, no underwear?

[Nicole Byer]

No underwear. This is Hollywood Boulevard.

[George Severis]

Wow.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

And then you cancel your membership.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, I just stopped going. I've been canceled for it for years. Of course I can't figure out how to make it end.

[George Severis]

No. Well, they don't. That's how they get you. Of course.

[Nicole Byer]

Crazy.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, yeah. They're like, write a handwritten letter and.

[George Severis]

You'Re like, that's crazy.

[Sam Taggart]

I don't have any paper.

[Nicole Byer]

Seriously, my little fingers.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, I cramp so easily nowadays.

[George Severis]

Wow. Well, needless to say, both Sam and I are like turned on by the Winnie the Pooh man.

[Nicole Byer]

Of course, he was not.

[George Severis]

He was not cute.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, there was, there was no sign at the door that said no.

[George Severis]

Yeah, how was he supposed to Know, I don't know. You think you're normal just because you're wearing little hot pants and a tank.

[Nicole Byer]

I also saw hello Kitty there.

[George Severis]

The cat? Yeah, because she was working out.

[Nicole Byer]

She walked in and just went to the locker room. She walked in with her head, which I think is a. Like a bold move.

[George Severis]

So just a fully, fully, like cosplay hello Kitty.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. You know how like people on Hollywood Boulevard dress up? I believe she was one of those people.

[George Severis]

Oh, so she wasn't the real hello Kitty?

[Nicole Byer]

Unfortunately, no.

[George Severis]

No. I think she would go to more of like any.

[Nicole Byer]

She was a little dusty.

[Sam Taggart]

Got it. It was respectful, I think, that she didn't have the head off when she walked in so the fantasy could stay.

[Nicole Byer]

Alive for all the gym children working out. Their fantasy wasn't ruined.

[George Severis]

Yeah. I feel like it would be more dusty, to use your terminology, if she didn't have her head on. Like that to me is so much more like, oh, God, you came in and off the street.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. Hello Kitty with her head off is the same as a man with no pants or underwear.

[George Severis]

Exactly. It's like, present your foot, take your whole ass self to work, show up as your whole ass self. Yeah, that's as I always say. And that's about showing up with the hello Kitty head on. Because sometimes actually having a mask on is more authentic than having a mask off. Wow.

[Nicole Byer]

Wow, that's deep. That's deep as hell.

[Sam Taggart]

Really thoughtful. Thank you so. Pretty much. That's my amazing morning. But I did choose right now to get sleepy.

[George Severis]

No. Do you want some of my coffee?

[Sam Taggart]

No.

[Nicole Byer]

Do you want some coffee? I have coffee here. You have coffee there?

[Sam Taggart]

No, but it's at that point when you've had a cup and a half.

[Nicole Byer]

What time do you wake up in the morning that you're sleeping now?

[Sam Taggart]

I woke up at like 7:15.

[George Severis]

15. So did I.

[Nicole Byer]

That's early for me.

[Sam Taggart]

That's so early.

[George Severis]

Same. It's so early.

[Sam Taggart]

That's like one of the earliest times.

[George Severis]

Yeah, it's. I actually woke up like out of like a nightmare. And I was like, well, I should go back to bed. And then I was like, what if I don't? And I just become a morning person today, like starting today, I'm a morning.

[Nicole Byer]

I think that every time I wake up early and it's never stuck. Never.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. If you wake up at 5am You're a murderer.

[Nicole Byer]

6Am or you're employed by who?

[George Severis]

The airport. 5am Is very much like, I work at the airport. So I have like an Hour and a half long.

[Nicole Byer]

Or you work at Starbucks or like a Breakfast Forward place?

[Sam Taggart]

No, whenever I go to a Breakfast Forward place and I get there, let's say 8am and there's people working, I'm like, what are you doing here?

[Nicole Byer]

I went to a coffee shop to work with my friend at like 9, which is not early by any means, but I was floored by the amount of people in the dog park walking on the street. I was like, why aren't you people sleeping?

[George Severis]

Well, of course, there's nothing worse than going to get your coffee and seeing someone there post run in their running.

[Nicole Byer]

That's disgusting. I'm like, go home, shower. You're just trying to show off.

[Sam Taggart]

Literally. I find I will say that in LA, specifically, when I wake up at say 10:00am, I feel like the worst person on earth. I feel that people want me dead.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

I feel that people like think I deserve jail time. I think when I wake up at 10am in Los Angeles, California, people are like, there's like a stench on you.

[George Severis]

No, it's. You're absolutely. I know exactly what you mean.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't. I'm a stinky bitch. Then I'm up at like 11. When you. That's my norm.

[George Severis]

When you perform any kind of sin, just sort of like biblically, in Los Angeles, people can smell it on you. Whereas in New York, it's like, it's part of the culture. It's like we're all in like a illegal speakeasy. We're getting a specialty martini. Like even in la, even if you've like had sex in the last four hours, people are like, get away from me.

[Sam Taggart]

Don't come to my house.

[George Severis]

I'm doing clean January. I don't want to be around people who does that.

[Nicole Byer]

Clean January.

[Sam Taggart]

I don't know when this will come naturally.

[George Severis]

I'll remind myself that I'm a sexual being here, of course, it's a constant. It's a practice. Exactly. It's our practice.

[Sam Taggart]

It does not come naturally.

[George Severis]

You were saying?

[Sam Taggart]

I was saying that this is low hanging fruit. But I think it needs to be said a little bit. So we're in mid. Jan and I, of course, don't have any resolutions because everything's going great. But generally speaking, I've been like, you know what? I was like, let's engage with how much I'm drinking. Let's try to examine it. And the way that the bar is on the floor, I keep being like, okay, so if I don't drink on Monday through Thursday, that's really good. And I'm like, but barely.

[George Severis]

What are your vices?

[Nicole Byer]

That is good. I think that's good. If you're trying to cut back a little. That's what, four days?

[Sam Taggart]

That's four days.

[Nicole Byer]

That. Out of seven.

[Sam Taggart]

Out of seven.

[Nicole Byer]

That's four, five, six. That's three days left. So you're not drinking more than you are drinking.

[George Severis]

That's good.

[Nicole Byer]

That's a win. My mind is sober.

[George Severis]

You should get a chip.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, you should.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, it's like Wednesday, and I'm sort of like, I wonder, you know what? I'm not going to drink today. And it's like, but I want one.

[George Severis]

Last night, I. I was about to be like, I haven't drank last night. I had two drinks. But because I was like, blackout drunk, I'm like, okay, so I was sober two nights in a row. Do you have any resolutions?

[Nicole Byer]

No, I don't do resolutions, but I have said out loud to my friend, I haven't had a drink in two weeks, and I've had them say, you drank with me two days ago. Like, no. Well, okay.

[Sam Taggart]

It's so hard to keep track.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, every time I'm like, I'm not gonna drink. I go to a restaurant, and they're like, what would you like to drink? And I'm like, wine. Yeah, that's. And then it's already out. And then when it comes to the table, I'm like, I said I wasn't drinking, but it's here.

[Sam Taggart]

I do find it's.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, smoking. That's my advice.

[George Severis]

Oh, cigarettes.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I'm. I still. I don't do zins. I don't do vapes. I'm actually.

[George Severis]

This is so refreshing to hear. I'm actually three weeks off of nicotine. Not to immediately return your. Your vulnerable comment with. I'm actually not doing that anymore. No, it's absolutely not sad because I.

[Sam Taggart]

Don'T have that problem.

[George Severis]

As Sam knows, it's a life. It's a lifelong struggle for me. It's my one.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, that one was loud.

[George Severis]

I'm sorry. And yet I keep drinking the coffee. You know how approximately 20 years ago, Gwyneth Paltrow said she has one cigarette a night, and that's all. And it's like, oh, my God. Isn't it crazy that Gwyneth, like, the healthiest, healthiest person on the planet, also has one cigarette because she believes in the balance between, in her words, tofu and cigarettes? And so I really want to get.

[Nicole Byer]

In that brain for a while.

[George Severis]

I really, for A while I took that to heart and I was like, well, one cigarette per night as a way to like take in the day is not a big deal.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, I.

[George Severis]

But then the years pass and they do add up.

[Sam Taggart]

But you're like, I think it's different when it's an anti European sentiment to be like, you're not allowed to smoke cigarettes.

[Nicole Byer]

I agree.

[Sam Taggart]

Like, you just need to have like a cigarette every day.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

That's your culture.

[Nicole Byer]

I was at a wedding in. Where was I? Oh, in Spain. And it was with a bunch of Americans. They don't smoke. And I said to somebody working the wedding, I was like, oh, can I, where can I smoke? And the guy was like, anywhere, we'll just bring you ash. And suddenly there's ashtrays everywhere. For me. I, I love a cigarette. I think they're delicious.

[Sam Taggart]

I, like, have never had one.

[George Severis]

Well, I have. Literally. This is like when people talk about regrets legitimately. The only regret I have in my life that I really can name is like the first time someone offered. Offers you a cigarette. Like, if I'm talking like a 14 year old first time someone offers you a cigarette, just say no. Like, it is something that once you taste like, once you have the experience of like, wait, I'm sorry. So this relaxes me, makes me feel cool. Is like a perfectly timed break. Let's say I'm like working and want a five minute break and want something to do. It is like designed. I just don't do it. Don't do it. Because it's never. It's always going to torture you. Even if you successfully quit, which like many people have. Even those people that are like, I haven't had a cigarette in, in 24 years. Would kill for one right now.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Have you ever read, I think it's Alan Carr, the Easy Way to Quit?

[George Severis]

I. I know I should. I'm sort of seeing. I'm like in an. Okay. I'm like, what if I'm just one of these people that like woke up one day and never did it again? But yes, I'm interested in that. I'm also interested in hypnosis. Have you ever.

[Nicole Byer]

I haven't done that, but I did read the Easy Way to Quit Smoking and I didn't finish it because it made me want to quit smoking.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, wow. It's that effective? Yeah.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

You're like, it's very effective. And I was like, I'm not doing this.

[Sam Taggart]

That's so interesting. And he's just like a comedian.

[Nicole Byer]

No, wait.

[Sam Taggart]

Who am I thinking of.

[George Severis]

You're thinking of David Carr.

[Nicole Byer]

No, I think you're thinking of Alan Carr.

[George Severis]

Oh, there's a separate Alan Carr.

[Nicole Byer]

Chatty man. There's two Alan Carr. He's British.

[Sam Taggart]

I think he's the guest judge on UK's Drag Race.

[Nicole Byer]

I think that's Alan Carr. But then there's another Alan Carr.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, my God. Username taken. I was thinking Alan Carr was writing, like, a bitchy takedown of, like, people who smoke that's, like, so searing that you're like, okay, that's it.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm quitting here, you bitch. You gotta quit. And I was like, he called me a bitch.

[Sam Taggart]

No one's ever done that before. Wow. Okay, two Alan Carr's.

[George Severis]

But hypnosis, I've heard good things about. Jodie Foster was just talking about it. Not to me personally, but.

[Nicole Byer]

No, no, she called you right up.

[George Severis]

Well, we were just texting. She's saying, I love Nicole Byer. No, she said that hypnosis worked for her to quit. Sorry to put you on the spot.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't care. I love smoking and it'll be the hill I die on. Like, I love it. But I did quit for a year because I was dating somebody who was like, I'm not going to kiss you if you don't quit. And I was like, yeah, well, I love kisses. So I finished the easy way to quit smoking. Quit smoking for a year. And then when we broke up, the first thing I did was light up a cigarette. Oh, and they don't sell menthols here.

[George Severis]

Really?

[Nicole Byer]

No, I have to travel to get the cigarettes that I sell. Talking like, Nevada, Nevada, Denver. They don't. They don't sell them in dc. They don't sell them in Los Angeles. I buy them in New York. I buy them by the carton. My. One of my best friend's mom, she used to keep her cigarettes by the carton in a freezer. So I have turned into her. I just have four cartons of marble menthols. Not lights marble menthols in my freezer.

[George Severis]

I'm so against your vibe to me. Like, don't you think.

[Sam Taggart]

How do you explain more?

[George Severis]

I just think you have like a. I don't know if wholesome is the right word because you talk about, like, sex. You know, it's not like you're like Ms. Rachel, but, like, there you.

[Sam Taggart]

You're not like, on the scale of Ms. Rachel, too. Who's on the other?

[George Severis]

Yeah, who's on the scale? So Ms. Rachel's on one end and.

[Sam Taggart]

Like, Like, Courtney Love is on the other.

[George Severis]

Courtney Love is on the other end. I do think you're more. I'm sorry. More Ms. Rachel than Courtney Love. I guess what I'm saying.

[Nicole Byer]

You don't have to be sorry. I. This is fine.

[George Severis]

You know what I mean?

[Nicole Byer]

I like hearing what people think of me.

[Sam Taggart]

Interesting.

[George Severis]

Do you not think she's.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, I don't think you're courting love, of course, but I would never have put you on the. The sliding scale towards Ms. Rachel.

[Nicole Byer]

I am wearing overalls or a onesie.

[George Severis]

And thank you. And thank you.

[Nicole Byer]

Smiley face socks.

[George Severis]

You are wearing overalls and smiley face socks.

[Sam Taggart]

And the striped shirt underneath. It's. It is a bit.

[Nicole Byer]

My nails. You also look like an art project. Like.

[George Severis]

Right.

[Nicole Byer]

I do dress like a big child, so I do get that.

[Sam Taggart]

Wow.

[George Severis]

But you're blasting cigs, right? Right before going to your next babysitting gig. Love them.

[Nicole Byer]

I used to babysit. I used to have sleep apnea, and I would smoke a cigarette. I always smoke a cigarette before bed. And then the guy I was seeing was like, think about it. I know you're constricting your airways and then going to sleep. And I was like, oh, well.

[George Severis]

And it's also an up. It's a stimulant, so you really shouldn't smoke before bed if you want to.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, they put me right to sleep.

[George Severis]

Oh, that's.

[Nicole Byer]

My day's not done until I've had my cigarette.

[Sam Taggart]

Wow.

[George Severis]

Damn, you're really making me want one.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, I'm. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So can I ask, what did you smoke?

[George Severis]

Parliaments.

[Nicole Byer]

I love a parliament. Good for bumps of cocaine.

[George Severis]

Well, so I. Someone told me, and this was obviously, like, a known thing, that, like, the thing on throwments is for cocaine. And so I. I thought that was, like, earnest, but it turns out that that's not what it was, like, built for. People just, like, used it for that.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. I don't think a company is gonna be like. But I literally thought, you have a dual purpose. Do your bum and then smoke it down. That's very funny that you legitimately thought that that's what it was for.

[Sam Taggart]

See, and this is where I'm like, I actually wish I knew anything about cigarettes.

[George Severis]

Like, it's.

[Sam Taggart]

Talking about cigarettes is the same as when you're talking about, like, shallots with Kate, where I was like, I'm out. I have nothing to say.

[George Severis]

Shallots. The idea that shallots is, like, a topic that is exclusionary.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm like, sorry, I didn't go to grad school. I can't talk about shallots.

[Nicole Byer]

What's a shallot? Oh, is that the funny onion?

[George Severis]

Yeah. Yeah, there we go. Yes. Ending. Learn.

[Nicole Byer]

I just. It's a funny onion.

[George Severis]

It is a funny. I know. It's like sort of like a gay onion. It's like, what if an onion was like.

[Nicole Byer]

Really?

[George Severis]

What if an onion was like.

[Sam Taggart]

Is it the one that's long and skinny?

[George Severis]

No, that's a green onion. It looks like.

[Nicole Byer]

Like a teardrop.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay.

[George Severis]

I feel like scallion, which sounds like shallot is the long and skinny one that I know.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. What? No, nothing. I'm learning, by the way.

[George Severis]

Listening and learning. No, I was gonna ask you. We keep doing this thing where it's very common for us to forget we have a guest and be like, so, what else is new? And I was literally about to be like, so, how's your cooking journey going? It's like, that's. That's literally excluding you, honey. The journey.

[Nicole Byer]

No, it's fine. How is. How is your cooking journey going?

[Sam Taggart]

It's starting. It's. It's an. It's not.

[Nicole Byer]

So do you not like cooking?

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, I'm horrible at it.

[George Severis]

Do you cook? No. Just smoke? Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

For breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Yeah. I don't cook. You have to fucking prepare everything. You have to get the ingredients.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, my God.

[Nicole Byer]

You don't fucking have them. Then you have to clean up after.

[George Severis]

Ugh.

[Sam Taggart]

I. The only thing now that I have a dishwasher, everything has changed. I think being in New York without a dishwasher for so long, I literally was like, had like. I was like, well, I can't use a spoon today because then I'll have to wash it and then it'll weigh on me all day. Like, why haven't you washed your spoon yet?

[Nicole Byer]

But in New York also, you can leave your house and then immediately have a bunch of things you can just.

[Sam Taggart]

Buy and that as well.

[Nicole Byer]

In la, you gotta travel to get to the food.

[Sam Taggart]

I mean, I'm cooking in the sense that I'm making my own coffee now.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't even make my own coffee. Really? No, I drink. I think it's called high brew or something.

[Sam Taggart]

I don't know.

[Nicole Byer]

It's like a. Just a. Not iced coffee, cold brew.

[George Severis]

I actually have. I'm sorry if she's listening. So I'm currently staying in Rachel Pegram's apartment. Shout out, love her to death. And I'm very grateful for the space, both figuratively and physically, that she has given me. But she, her coffee of choice is a nespresso. She has a nespresso machine.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[George Severis]

And it. I don't like nespresso. And here's why.

[Nicole Byer]

Why?

[George Severis]

Because I'm like, I think coffee, like, it's not good enough to be good coffee, but it's not bad enough to be like diner coffee. Do you know what I mean?

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[George Severis]

And it is never hot enough. I never know how to get it have the watery consistency. Correct. And so I find myself in this position where I'm like, I'm in her apartment for a month. That's not enough time for me to go out and like, buy my own coffee machine for her apartment.

[Nicole Byer]

Go to a thrift store.

[George Severis]

So basically what's happening is every single day I'm spending $10 on just 2 store bought iced coffee.

[Nicole Byer]

Just go to a thrift store, buy a coffee maker there. Then you're not investing too much money.

[George Severis]

Suddenly I am getting hepatitis B from my thrift store coffee maker.

[Nicole Byer]

Wash it first. Oh my God, I have an espresso. But that's also too much.

[George Severis]

You like espresso?

[Nicole Byer]

No, I don't use it. It is too much for me to fill the water and then be like, the water's not there anymore. I gotta put more in, then I gotta wash it out. Fuck that. No, I'll just buy it.

[Sam Taggart]

No, it's crazy. I literally have to be like, okay, if I'm gonna make my coffee, it's time to put my headphones in and like, really focus. Like, I'm like, first I get the water, then I grind the beans. I'm like, I'm so bored.

[George Severis]

No, making coffee in the morning is like, like such a ritual. I could cry talking about it. Like, it is like literally something I miss not being at home. Just like, it. The ritual of waking up. It's all downhill after that for me. I'm like, that is the best part of my morning. Slowly smelling the coffee being brewed.

[Nicole Byer]

So do you wake up with like, time to like, make your coffee sit and like, do things?

[George Severis]

Great. I mean, I make my coffee, then, you know, start doing emails or like, start working.

[Nicole Byer]

Do you do that? Do you like, wake up and like.

[Sam Taggart]

I pretend to do that.

[George Severis]

What is the alternative?

[Nicole Byer]

I wake up and go, oh, I do not leave time for anything.

[George Severis]

Oh, well, I'll tell you one thing. I have to go cups in my home, like, paper to go cups. So if I have somewhere to be, I make coffee, fill one of my cups, and then it looks like I got it from a.

[Nicole Byer]

You're still waking up with time. I had therapy today at 10. I woke up at 10.

[George Severis]

Wow.

[Nicole Byer]

That's how I live. I don't leave time for things.

[Sam Taggart]

So you don't have coffee before and.

[George Severis]

It was Zoom therapy?

[Nicole Byer]

Well, I have my little cold bruise, so I go grab one of those. It was zoom therapist.

[George Severis]

Okay. Okay. Well, that's good.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, of course, now I get coffee at my gym.

[George Severis]

Oh, my God.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, do they have smoothies too?

[Sam Taggart]

They do, but I don't. I don't touch the stuff.

[George Severis]

Really?

[Sam Taggart]

Well, you know, you don't touch the stuff.

[George Severis]

That, to me, is my. That's my favorite part of the gym is getting.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm.

[George Severis]

I say the more expensive, the better. $28. Sure.

[Sam Taggart]

There's this thing about the gym is already, like, nice. And I was like, for a month. I was like, am I allowed to join a nice gym? Like, do I. Like, I'm supposed to be able to make it work with, like, a warehouse and, like, cinder blocks. And so I was like, you know what? You can have this one thing. And then I'm like, well, now I can't have smoothies. I'm already at the gym. Like, what's next? I'm buying a car. This is absurd.

[Nicole Byer]

From smoothies to car purchases.

[Sam Taggart]

Some things I'm just not allowed to have. Okay, smoothies are.

[George Severis]

Where do you think that comes from?

[Sam Taggart]

Well, I haven't earned it.

[Nicole Byer]

I can't imagine that. I have so much clothing. And yesterday I was like, I'm gonna go shopping. I deserve it. What did I do? Barely a thing.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, that was so musical. I deserve it. What did I do? Barely a thing.

[George Severis]

It was very, like, Nicki Minaj, like, doing, like, different voices.

[Nicole Byer]

Please don't call me Nicki Minaj. She's not right in the head right now.

[Sam Taggart]

She's not right in the head right.

[George Severis]

Now, but she's a generational talent.

[Sam Taggart]

Do you think she's going to bounce back? Bounce back or.

[Nicole Byer]

She's gone.

[George Severis]

She's gone.

[Nicole Byer]

She's gone.

[George Severis]

She's gone.

[Sam Taggart]

Poor girl. Poor girl.

[George Severis]

Yeah, but what are you going to do?

[Nicole Byer]

We have Cardi B.

[George Severis]

That's true.

[Sam Taggart]

That's true.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, you don't like Cardi B. I.

[George Severis]

Love Cardi B, but, you know, you know, the output isn't at that level yet. Really?

[Nicole Byer]

Seemed like you didn't like Cardi B. Wow.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay.

[George Severis]

All right. Should we do our first segment?

[Sam Taggart]

I think we should. So, Nicole, our first segment is called Straight Shooters, and in this segment, we're going to gauge your familiarity with and Complicity in straight culture by asking you a series of rapid fire questions. That's basically this thing or this other thing.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay?

[Sam Taggart]

And the only rule is you can't ask any follow up questions or we will say some things that are so problematic that it'll make Nicki MINAJ look like NPR.

[George Severis]

Look like Ms. Rachel. I open my phone, the first thing I see, email from my accountant saying how much I owe in taxes. I had a mini stroke on the spot.

[Sam Taggart]

Say, no, you have wrong number. Wrong number. Okay. Being named in a lawsuit or being shamed for your club foot.

[Nicole Byer]

Being named in a lawsuit or being shamed for your club foot?

[Sam Taggart]

Yes, but you said.

[George Severis]

Okay, wait, which is you can ask.

[Nicole Byer]

Any questions being named in a lawsuit.

[George Severis]

Joe Pera or Christina Aguilera, but I don't know if it's.

[Nicole Byer]

If I'm picking things that are better or worse.

[George Severis]

Sit with that.

[Sam Taggart]

Sit with that.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, my God. Okay, so what was it again?

[George Severis]

First of all, it's a question. Joe Pera or Christina Aguilera?

[Nicole Byer]

Well, I know Joe Perra, so Joe Pera.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. Fumbling the bag or humbling your hag?

[George Severis]

Oh, that's good.

[Nicole Byer]

Humbling your hag because some of these bitches are wild. Am I supposed to be giving reasons why? I don't know.

[George Severis]

Nanny Fine or Ezra Klein.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know his recline soon any fine.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. Having jock itch or shouting clocked bitch?

[Nicole Byer]

Having jock itch because you could be more discreet.

[George Severis]

Faye Dunaway or. Hey, don't say gay Faye Dunaway.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. Wuthering Heights coming soon. Or would it be all right if I sang you a tune?

[Nicole Byer]

Would it be all right if I sent you a tune?

[George Severis]

Marty Supreme Subway takes with Kareem or I'll have the Filet sub Seabream.

[Nicole Byer]

Was that three?

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Subway takes.

[George Severis]

Wow. Oh, that's interesting.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, will you explain the segment now?

[Sam Taggart]

So basically what the segment is, it's just a sort of let us rhyme and, you know, create anxiety within the guest.

[George Severis]

And it's like a way to gauge. It's like we'll see how each person reacts to being assaulted in that way. And then based on that, we rank them on a scale of 0 to 1000. Doves.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay. What kind of dove am I?

[Sam Taggart]

Well, I think this was an amazing performance.

[George Severis]

I agree.

[Sam Taggart]

I think there was tension. And as someone that just saw the housemaid, I'm really, really a fan of tension right now.

[George Severis]

You were really giving Sydney Sweeney.

[Sam Taggart]

You were giving Sydney Sweeney.

[Nicole Byer]

Don't say that.

[George Severis]

Good job, Nicole. No, Nicole, you are Sort of like Nicki Minaj meets Sydney Sweeney.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, my God, that's. Oh, wow. You know, a year ago, I would have been like, oh, my God, you.

[George Severis]

Think I have big titties and I can rap?

[Nicole Byer]

Now I'm like, you think I'm full of hatred.

[Sam Taggart]

How T changes things.

[Nicole Byer]

It's really wild.

[Sam Taggart]

It's really amazing. So that being said, I think you got 942 doves.

[George Severis]

Oh, wow. Congratulations.

[Sam Taggart]

Because that was really. You know, you could just feel something there.

[George Severis]

There's energy. I know, I know. And I liked that we sort of threw you off a little bit, but then you got back on track. You got off the lime scooter, and then you said, no, no, I'm getting back on.

[Nicole Byer]

Gotta get back on that lime.

[Sam Taggart]

Have you taken a lime yet, George.

[George Severis]

By the way, I took a lime and it was such a disaster that I ended up paying as much as I would have paid with an Uber. I kept wrong. I kept being worried that I was in the wrong place and getting on and off and, like, walking at one block and then being like, okay, now I'm getting back on. And then, like, time was passing and it's by minutes, and then by the time I was where I needed to be, it was $20.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, my God.

[Nicole Byer]

That's why.

[Sam Taggart]

Tell me, like, where you went from blank to blank.

[George Severis]

Yeah, I went from Los Feliz to Hollywood.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. I can see that being a bit of a.

[Nicole Byer]

Were you wearing a helmet?

[George Severis]

No. No. Well, Sam told me he doesn't wear a helmet and does wear headphones.

[Nicole Byer]

But.

[Sam Taggart]

That'S because I want to listen to music.

[Nicole Byer]

And you're trying to die. Well, why not? Well, it's la.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm trying to have a little fun for once, you know, Enjoy the sunshine.

[George Severis]

That's right.

[Nicole Byer]

That's wild that you wear.

[George Severis]

No, it's really. And I almost am, like. I almost am regretting saying that because we're going to get comments that are.

[Sam Taggart]

Like, people are going to be mad.

[George Severis]

People are going to be really mad. People are going to be more mad about that than about you smoking.

[Nicole Byer]

Listen, we all make choices.

[George Severis]

It's true.

[Sam Taggart]

Literally.

[Nicole Byer]

Can't police how people live.

[George Severis]

Well, some are trying.

[Sam Taggart]

Guys, I don't lime that much anymore. Worried listeners at home. My lime era is mostly over.

[Nicole Byer]

Mostly.

[Sam Taggart]

But sometimes when I'm at the Eagle, it's just. The most fun way to get home.

[George Severis]

Is now you're mostly driving headphones in drunk.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, I put my headphones on.

[George Severis]

We saw Addison Rae the other day.

[Sam Taggart]

We saw Addison Rae at lunch.

[George Severis]

Does that mean anything to you?

[Nicole Byer]

No.

[Sam Taggart]

Love that. Love that.

[Nicole Byer]

No, I simply don't know who that is.

[Sam Taggart]

Really? No. Interesting.

[George Severis]

She is a young woman who is a pop singer. She came up on TikTok but then became alternative.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. So she's sort of that thing. She had like the whole press cycle where it was like. And can you believe she has taste?

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

That's funny. No, I don't know her. I don't know Tate McCrae.

[George Severis]

No, you don't know the new ones.

[Nicole Byer]

Name more new ones.

[George Severis]

Okay. Midnight Sun.

[Sam Taggart]

Zara Larson.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, I just found her out. Just found her out.

[George Severis]

I like it.

[Sam Taggart]

It's been found out.

[George Severis]

Not by enough people, unfortunately, but she's had the word.

[Sam Taggart]

We, of course, we famously tried to talk about Zara Larson at a show in Seattle, thinking, everyone will be, you know, chomping. No. You could have just been saying like, blah, blah, blue, blue. Everyone was like, what are you talking about?

[George Severis]

Complete.

[Nicole Byer]

That's funny. I mean, it's kind of hard because there's just so many people doing different things. There's so many avenues.

[George Severis]

Like, literally, what is the plan?

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know.

[George Severis]

Everyone just going to be mildly famous and that's just going to be the new thing. And then we can maybe get like ubi.

[Nicole Byer]

Ubi.

[George Severis]

Universal Basic Income. Income.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, that'll never happen.

[George Severis]

I know, I know.

[Nicole Byer]

But I do think people will just be mildly famous because like the youth don't even know who George Clooney is. Like, famous people to me are not famous. To the children. Who's famous to the children? I'm like, I don't fucking know. It's wild.

[Sam Taggart]

It's confusing because on one hand, I of course want new celebs, but I'm like, not like that. I want new like 37 year olds. I don't want new.

[Nicole Byer]

That would be nice.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

I don't want new 21 year olds.

[Nicole Byer]

No. I don't need them.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, we have enough 21 year olds.

[George Severis]

They should do a reality show that's like America's next top 37 year old. And it's a bunch of just like, kind of like aspiring 37 year olds. And they can do a series of like challenges that are like, brew your own coffee.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

Drive a car while drunk.

[Nicole Byer]

One of those challenges I would ace.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay.

[George Severis]

Distinguish between onion, shallot and scallion.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Post about your vacation.

[George Severis]

About your vacation. Express in the opinion about representation, queer representation on film and television. That would be a really big one.

[Sam Taggart]

That's like the finale.

[George Severis]

That's the finale episode.

[Sam Taggart]

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[Nicole Byer]

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[Sam Taggart]

Okay, should we get into our topic? Yes, Nicole, what is your straight topic? And tell us a little bit about what's straight about it to you.

[Nicole Byer]

Cruises.

[Sam Taggart]

Cruises. Not cruising.

[Nicole Byer]

Not cruising, but like a big nasty cruise ship where you bring your nasty little kids and your. Your ugly wife that you hate. You're all sunburned, busted. And you're like, I don't want to think about my meals. I just want to eat at the buffet. Like, I don't like it. It feels very straight to me. It feels like this will be mean. It feels like a lack of effort. You can't plan a vacation, so you're like, I'll just do this one where everything is all planned for me. Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

You know that phrase, oh God, it's like comp Het where it's like compulsive heterosexuality.

[George Severis]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Where you like, like society, like, makes you feel like you have to be straight. That's like what a cruise is, is like comp vacation where you're like, I feel like I'm supposed to be on vacation, so I am. And it's like you're not really there for fun.

[Nicole Byer]

No. And then you're on this big ship with the same fucking weirdos and then you dock somewhere nice for like two hours, three hours. And then if you're not back, the boat fucking leaves you.

[George Severis]

That's the other thing that's scary. Ugh.

[Sam Taggart]

Any time that I have to like that there's a timetable that I have to really stick to. I'm not Relaxed.

[George Severis]

I'm not completely.

[Nicole Byer]

A cruise is not a relaxing vacation. No, you're in the middle of nowhere in the water. What if the toilets stop working? And then, you know, some straight man's like, I know how to fix it, bitch. No, you don't. I don't like it. I don't like it.

[Sam Taggart]

You know when I'm being mean about, like, Fire Island, I'm like, I'll call it a cruise ship. Because you're, like, so trapped. And, like, there's. You just see the same 100 people the whole time. I'm like, it's just a fucking cruise ship. And I get so upset. That's on day four.

[Nicole Byer]

Day four. Okay.

[Sam Taggart]

Day one. Day two, I'm having a blast. Day three, I'm like, I need to read a book. Day four, I'm like, get me out of here.

[Nicole Byer]

I need to read a book.

[George Severis]

First of all, the obsession with ships, I believe, is it almost goes back to the Titanic. There is something straight about believing that a big ship is going to fix everything. I find that modes of transportation need to be just that. Don't try to make it fun. Take me from point A to point B and I will unpack in point B and go and get brunch.

[Sam Taggart]

So are you anti party bus then as well?

[George Severis]

Completely. I'm anti party bus. I'm anti, like, you know, getting a Hummer limo to the bachelorette party. Like, all of that, to me is very, honestly, very straight. Like, I think I am also, even against, like, Hmm. I mean, honestly, I think this is a slightly different point of view, but, like, a private jet also fits into this where it's like, so suddenly that is a part that you're trying to build a home inside the jet. No, I should be given two biscoff cookies and unexpectedly get diarrhea.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. So you're saying you're kind of. This is a very me thought where it's like, travel is meant to be painful.

[George Severis]

Yeah, travel is. But also it's meant to be a means to an end.

[Sam Taggart]

Yes, yes, yes.

[George Severis]

Like the idea of a party bus. I don't like it when people try to take something that is inherently a bad experience and zhuzh it up so that we all have to pretend it's positive.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. Similarly, how do you feel about a limo ride?

[George Severis]

I'm against it.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm for a limo ride. They're silly. Someone was like, let's make cars long.

[George Severis]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Nicole Byer]

And that's funny to me.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Sometimes I get self. The one to two times. I'VE been in a limo ride. I've gotten self conscious because really, one of the other cars are probably like, look at you thinking you're so important.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, that's the point.

[George Severis]

But a limo isn't the point. I'm like, so why, why long is better? Why long?

[Sam Taggart]

Why long?

[George Severis]

Why is long better?

[Nicole Byer]

Okay, one, you're going somewhere with friends so you need more seating. And SUVs weren't as prevalent. Or you're so rich that you're like, I want a driver. Not too close to me. I would like some space between me.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And this person who might ask me invasive questions. I don't know, I just think they're really fun and silly. Well, I definitely had that. They don't, they don't really exist anymore.

[Sam Taggart]

Really?

[Nicole Byer]

When's the last time you saw a limo?

[Sam Taggart]

You're right. Like a black car.

[George Severis]

It's like an Uber Black.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. It's boring.

[Sam Taggart]

Wait, start off idea.

[George Severis]

There's something about a cruise ship also that's very like wanting, like being like in Palm beach and wanting Florida to secede. You know what I like? It's like we're building our own community on this boat and it has a fake Broadway show, a stand up comedian, a sushi bar. Where did that fish come from? It's like, it's like not having the courage to live in the real world and make it work.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes, yes. Because people just want community. And then when you're on a ship, you're like, this is my community for a week. And it's like, just talk to your fucking neighbor. Just like.

[George Severis]

And cruise people. It is a passionate cult like community. And I. There was this, I think, New York mag article about just like basically how it started because it was a story about how these people got left in like Barbados or something and like could not get back on the ship and then ended up having to like make be like, okay, now we're flying to like Puerto Rico. Flying to the next spot. Maybe they'll pick us up there. Still didn't pick them up. We're flying to the next spot. Still don't make them up. There was an old lady that was sick and couldn't get her meds and the ship just does not give a fuck about you. And that is also part of it. It's like, we're a community. We're a community. The second you accidentally leave or make a mistake, you're shut out.

[Nicole Byer]

Shut out.

[George Severis]

And they interviewed a bunch of cruisers, cruise ship people thinking they would be like, yeah, it's so sad. And all of them, bar none, were like, well, those are the rules. If you don't make it back on time, you're just no longer part of it.

[Sam Taggart]

Wow.

[Nicole Byer]

Wild.

[Sam Taggart]

That's really cruel.

[George Severis]

Which I also feel like is very, like, str. It's not. It is community oriented in the most superficial way possible. It's like, so if we are on the same boat, we are a community. The second you take a step further or you trip on your way to come back and you can't make it by, like, 30 seconds, you're fucking over. I don't even remember your name.

[Sam Taggart]

I mean, to be fair, I feel this way about both trains and planes as well, where I'm like, if I'm running five minutes late, I should be able to text you. Five minutes late. Like, hold. Hold the plane.

[Nicole Byer]

I'll never understand when you scan in. So with, like, tsa and they know you're coming, and then they leave early. Has it ever happened to you?

[Sam Taggart]

Happened to me.

[Nicole Byer]

Really?

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

So I usually need that, like, five minutes. And sometimes flights will leave five minutes early, and I will get to the gate 15 minutes prior to our original departure time. They're like, sorry, we left. And I'm like, but you saw that I was scanned in and shut the gate anyway.

[George Severis]

Well, I mean, so cruel. There is something about, like, doesn't someone have the spreadsheet? Like, I like, what? The data is all there.

[Nicole Byer]

That's what I'm talking about. I scanned my tsa. So, like, at your desk, you know, I am checked in.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And you've just decided to leave without me?

[George Severis]

Are you not sharing. Is the TSA not sharing the Google Doc with the American Airlines person? Like, what's going on?

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, here's the darkest thing. Ready? Okay. When someone. When I'm running late and I'm like, why aren't they waiting five minutes? When I'm sat down, I'm like, close the gates now. Close the gates now. I'm ready to leave. I don't care who gets left behind. Take off. It's really like when you have power and when you don't, and, like, how evil you get almost instantly.

[Nicole Byer]

But I also don't understand. Have you ever, like, been sitting on a flight and you're like. And they're like, we're waiting for people with a connection. Why do they wait sometimes and not other times?

[George Severis]

Completely.

[Sam Taggart]

That's such a good point.

[Nicole Byer]

It doesn't make any sense. Why. Who do you. How do you. How are you picking these people?

[George Severis]

Well, these are the mind games that are like a vital part of transportation.

[Sam Taggart]

In the United States of America.

[George Severis]

You are being set up for failure at every point. And then. And then you have the whiplash. Suddenly you're being thanked for being a loyal customer. You're like, so you love me?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. It's a. I guess a love hate relationship, but you know how they're like, get there two hours before. I'm like, why? In case you want to leave an hour and a half early. Why am I getting there so early? I don't do that, though.

[George Severis]

You don't.

[Sam Taggart]

We know we do that.

[George Severis]

I was really raised that way.

[Sam Taggart]

I was really raised that way.

[Nicole Byer]

Get to the airport probably 15 minutes prior to boarding.

[George Severis]

How often are you missing flights?

[Sam Taggart]

Flights?

[Nicole Byer]

I think I only missed two flights last year.

[George Severis]

Okay.

[Sam Taggart]

Last year?

[George Severis]

Last year.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. I haven't missed a flight this year. I haven't been on a plane, but I'm sure I'll miss one this year.

[Sam Taggart]

Really?

[Nicole Byer]

Here's the thing. If I miss it, there's another one. Eventually it's above me.

[George Severis]

I mean, I guess it is, but what if, like, you have a show that night or something? I mean, you're like touring and stuff?

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[George Severis]

Are you missing shows?

[Nicole Byer]

No.

[George Severis]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

I've never missed a show.

[Sam Taggart]

You're always getting there on time because.

[Nicole Byer]

There'S always another flight. Maybe I get there right before showtime and I'm doing makeup in the bathroom. There's always another flight.

[George Severis]

There's.

[Nicole Byer]

There's also another airport if LAX isn't working. Let's look at Burbank. But again, it's above me.

[George Severis]

Oh, my God.

[Sam Taggart]

That's cool.

[Nicole Byer]

Nobody lives like that. And I know that. No, it's way of thinking.

[George Severis]

No, but that's also like a sort of. Sorry to use this to call you this term. It's a sort of road dog mentality of like, it's just. My life is flying and, like, it's not a big deal to me anymore. Like, it's not like, a flight isn't something I have to prepare for. It's just like what my life is.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[George Severis]

It's sort of like how people are like, isn't it scary performing? And you're like, no.

[Nicole Byer]

No, it's.

[George Severis]

It's not.

[Nicole Byer]

I like it.

[George Severis]

Have you ever been on a cruise yourself?

[Nicole Byer]

No.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

You can pay me.

[George Severis]

Well, and speaking of you couldn't pay me, what if someone paid you to do like a sort of.

[Sam Taggart]

The amazing. There's the Nicole Byer.

[Nicole Byer]

No Amount of money.

[George Severis]

Yeah. $1 billion.

[Nicole Byer]

No, no. Because they'll get taxed. And it's not actually $1 billion. One, two.

[George Severis]

It's 12.

[Nicole Byer]

No, no.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, yeah. They're like, so. And now we maybe can talk about the gay cruise.

[George Severis]

Yes, the gay cruise.

[Sam Taggart]

Which is like a very popular thing, but sort of. It's that thing where you're like, wait, there's a whole world out there that I'm not a part of or interested in. And it kind of freaks me out because I'm like, aren't we all together?

[Nicole Byer]

Still think a gay cruise is straight?

[George Severis]

I agree.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

Completely.

[Nicole Byer]

It's.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

It's something like, this will be our own thing. And it's like, I don't know, you don't need it.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, and so much of it is the culture of already having done it. Like, that's part of what's straight about it, where it's like, you're being like, well, we do this every year. We do this every year so we know everything about it. And it's like, ugh, that's scary to me.

[George Severis]

I'm also like, well, it's sort of like how if you're in a gay ultimate Frisbee league, that's still straight.

[Nicole Byer]

Absolutely.

[George Severis]

You know what I mean?

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Sam Taggart]

But I would argue gay rugby.

[George Severis]

Well, that's gay. That's.

[Nicole Byer]

Rugby's just gay.

[George Severis]

That's just gay.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. Well, so European, of course. And not to mention the lifts.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Lifting the divas up. I saw a rugby game once and I was like, I don't know what the fuck is going on.

[George Severis]

How do they get their butts to look like.

[Nicole Byer]

Don't know. Their butts are incredible.

[George Severis]

Heated rivalry.

[Nicole Byer]

I love heated rivalry.

[Sam Taggart]

No, us too. And I was real hater for. For the beginning, really. You know me, I was going to try to be.

[George Severis]

I got to nip this in the bud. If this comes out mid Feb and we're talking about heated by early, it's not. It's not going to look cute.

[Sam Taggart]

I don't care what people think.

[George Severis]

I brought it up.

[Sam Taggart]

We love it.

[Nicole Byer]

I love it.

[Sam Taggart]

It was so good.

[Nicole Byer]

I know, I know it's late, but whatever. I loved it. The last episode was my favorite. Nothing happened. It was just a nice time.

[George Severis]

Well, they went to the cottage. You think that's nothing?

[Nicole Byer]

I mean, I guess it's not nothing, but, like, the story wasn't really progressing for most of that episode.

[George Severis]

Well, there is exactly one episode with plot, and it's the second to last episode. Literally. The rest of the show is a series of vignettes.

[Nicole Byer]

I Would say, and I loved it.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, and honestly, now I'm like, okay. Which is genius. Like, I'm like, it was so genius to have zero plot for four hours straight. And then suddenly on the fifth hour, plop, plop, plop.

[George Severis]

Yeah. You know who could actually take a. Take a little tip, take a little pointer from that, is the folks of Pluribus. They could maybe add one episode with plot.

[Sam Taggart]

Vince, if you're listening, consider plot. But for real, he should consider.

[George Severis]

He should consider it. And all my love to.

[Nicole Byer]

I do think in a series, at least one of your episodes has to have some sort of plot.

[Sam Taggart]

Just one.

[George Severis]

A little plot a season and pilot doesn't count. That's setting up. That's you setting up the world.

[Nicole Byer]

I haven't watched Pluribus, but I do know a lady thought she was having a psychotic break because she had ads for it on her tv and the main character's name is her name. And she thought her. Her refrigerator. I think it was like an ad.

[Sam Taggart]

On her refrigerator was talking like, hi, Carol.

[George Severis]

Oh, my God.

[Nicole Byer]

And it's not funny, but it really is, like, that's crazy.

[George Severis]

I think everyone is so raw right now that, like, instigating a mental breakdown is easier than ever.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, yeah.

[George Severis]

If you were to tell me, like, you have a week to plan, like, get as many people around you to have a nervous breakdown as possible, I probably could do, like, I could hit 17.

[Nicole Byer]

I absolutely think you could. I think you could do more. Everyone is this close.

[George Severis]

That's what I mean. Like, everyone. It really is this. Like, it's so sad to me, but you are so right that, like, if my fridge said, hi, George to me, yeah, it's over.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, this is like, like, Chat GPT making people lose their mind completely.

[George Severis]

Yes.

[Sam Taggart]

And I'm like, no, that checks out.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. You're talking to a computer's your friend. Oh, my God. Go outside.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't. Not to be, like, high and mighty, but, like, I don't use Chat GPT. I don't understand what I would need it for. I don't understand what I need AI for. I don't understand why people are like, you can make movies with it. I'm like, or you can just make a movie.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Or you can just write a book.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Or, like, why is it curing cancer?

[George Severis]

They talk about it as though no one has been making movies so far. And, like, finally we have tools to do.

[Nicole Byer]

It's really incredible to me. I'm like, what are we doing?

[George Severis]

It's like, they when they discovered, like, flight, they're like, you can fly now. It's like, oh, I guess we couldn't do that before. Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

And then Google keeps being like, we're introducing new things to Gmail. And I'm like, I don't want it. I just want to read it.

[George Severis]

Do you remember when you could Google LA showtimes and it would show you the movie show times without AI and now with AI doesn't show.

[Nicole Byer]

It doesn't show anything. It's just like, LA times, the time in LA could be. And it's like, I just want the thing. I want to Google.

[George Severis]

I googled Angela Angelica, for anyone who doesn't know, is a movie hitter in New York. I googled Angelica trailers. Like, does the Angelica have trailers? I wanted to see if I could be like five minutes late to a screening. The AI response was, trailers are a type of van, and there are no trailers on sale at the Angelica movie theater. However, trailer can also refer to a preview for a movie.

[Nicole Byer]

Not helpful.

[George Severis]

I said, okay, shall we take it a step further? What if I'm referring to the thing that's more close in theme to the Angelica movie theater? This is the best we can do.

[Nicole Byer]

It doesn't make any sort of sense.

[George Severis]

I wish my fridge was saying, hi, Carol.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, I mean, 100%. I'm so confused. Talk about. We're trying to engage with the fact that we're in a bubble.

[Nicole Byer]

Sure.

[Sam Taggart]

And this is a theme of this year so far. And the AI thing is so real. Whenever we go to San Francisco, it's like, everyone. Every billboard is for AI. Every person works in AI.

[George Severis]

No cars have drivers.

[Sam Taggart]

No cars have drivers. And you're sort of like, what are we doing? What's the end game here?

[George Severis]

Well, they are kind of like, we're so close to replacing humans citywide.

[Sam Taggart]

I've listened to, of course, an amazing podcast with Grimes, and she was like, well, AI is like, I had to go to San Francisco when AI was being developed, because that's like when Jesus was born.

[George Severis]

Yeah. She moved.

[Sam Taggart]

And I was like, that's the craziest thing I've ever heard.

[George Severis]

She moved because she wanted to be closer to the factories that make the AI.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm speechless. I simply don't have words for that. But if you go to Ohio, they're not talking about AI.

[Sam Taggart]

I've got to go to Ohio.

[George Severis]

They're not talking about AI but that's where the data centers are. And they don't have water. That's the trade off. You get to talk to people about normal things. You get to be like, so, like, how's your son, by the way? We're out of water because we're. Because we're being powered by a data center.

[Sam Taggart]

That is a tough trade off.

[George Severis]

Yeah, yeah. What is the end game with data centers, do you think?

[Sam Taggart]

I have no idea.

[George Severis]

I think that it's like they're going to remain evil, but they're each going to also have, like, a barbershop and a coffee shop attached to them.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, that's a really good idea. Because what I was about to say is, obviously data centers, they're almost comedically built for terrorist attacks to happen to them. It's like this thing taking all the water that's vague and no human will die if you blow it up. And it's sort of like, okay, so I think that's the thing that we're going to target if we're being a terrorist.

[Nicole Byer]

If we're being. We're going to be a terrorist today.

[Sam Taggart]

Put on my terrorist hat for a moment. I think I'd go ahead and target that data center. If you enjoy dining, dancing and nightlife, plus hiking, biking and beaches, all with a little dollop of glam, well, then guess what? You're gonna love Provincetown, Massachusetts. It has everything wrapped up in one destination. Provincetown is the LGBTQ mecca of the east and boasts a beautiful mosaic of cultures where everyone is welcome. It's all about freedom, sunshine, and a chance to be ourselves. If you are searching for an adventure filled with pride, then you are ready for P Town, which has so many theme weeks for everyone. Pride, Girl, Splash, Bear Week, Family Week, plus Carnival, Women's Week, and Trans Week. From Boston. From mid May through mid October, you can hop on a fast ferry to Provincetown or arrive any time of year by plane or car or bus.

[George Severis]

Ooh.

[Sam Taggart]

So sashay your way to ptowntourism.com, the official guide to Provincetown. That's ptowntourism.com support for the show comes.

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[George Severis]

I wonder if there's a world in which like somehow AI doesn't fully catch. Like it's all a bubble. And in 10 years we're like, remember when AI was going to be the next thing?

[Nicole Byer]

That's what I'm hoping for.

[George Severis]

But then you know what'll happen is all those data centers, they'll become like how Bushwick has like converted warehouses. Parties. Like the data centers will become like a sort of mixed use space and it'll be like an office for a magazine. Like a barber shop.

[Nicole Byer]

I like in 10 years magazines are coming back.

[George Severis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. In my world I'm like completely stupid. I'm like, yeah, so basically AI is going to like stop and then magazines, print media. Print media's coming back.

[Nicole Byer]

Don't think you're far off. I do think people will crave physical media soon.

[George Severis]

I mean we're gonna release the podcast in CDs. That would actually be huge can you imagine?

[Sam Taggart]

That'd be so fun.

[Nicole Byer]

Just reusable CDs.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. I mean, the way that so much of my life, I'm like, God, I wish I had, like, a really short book that was, like, a little bit fun and flirty. And it's like. You mean a magazine? But it's like, I'm not gonna, like, bring my. I don't wanna look at my phone on the beach or something.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Get magazines.

[George Severis]

They do still sell them.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

But then you flip through a magazine, you're like, this is all ads.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm like, what the heck's going on over here?

[George Severis]

There are some good ones out there also.

[Sam Taggart]

What's the deal?

[George Severis]

No, tell me what's the deal?

[Sam Taggart]

Sorry to go what's the deal Mode. But what's the deal with all those, like, people will be like, like, booby magazine relaunching. And you're like, I've never heard of that.

[George Severis]

Yeah. And they're like, so basically what's happening there is, like, it is one single Instagram post. That's the relaunch.

[Nicole Byer]

The movie magazine is relaunching.

[Sam Taggart]

Movie magazine relaunching. And everyone's like, oh, my God, this is amazing. I grew up and it's like, no, you didn't. No one read that.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Halter Top magazine relaunching. They're all.

[George Severis]

Halter Top magazine actually had really good political analysis.

[Nicole Byer]

I loved Halter Top magazine. Oh, my God.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm just like, there's all these. There's, like, countless indie magazines that have one single issue, a party, and never happen again.

[George Severis]

Oh, my God. You know what? I'm now having an amazing memory, which is someone handing me a physical newspaper about the podcasting industry. And the COVID was Nicole Byer.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I remember this now.

[George Severis]

And it was, like, glossy and, like, an expensive photo shoot. Like, face of the podcasting industry, Nicole Byer.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, my God. And it was, like, big because it was, like, on newspaper paper.

[George Severis]

It was very beautiful.

[Sam Taggart]

And you had quotes like, podcasting is the future Nicole bar.

[George Severis]

And you ate with that Nicole.

[Nicole Byer]

It is the future.

[George Severis]

I actually, like, had it in my apartment for, like, longer than I was like, I can't throw this out. It's, like, too beautiful of an object. But then I did ultimately throw it out.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, yes, you have to. You have to clean things, things up.

[Sam Taggart]

Or else you become a hoarder.

[George Severis]

So, yeah, in that sense, you are sort of complicit in relaunching culture pop magazine.

[Nicole Byer]

I just like physical Media. Like, I have a DVD player. I have a VHS player. When I find a VHS or DVD that I like, like, like, I buy it.

[George Severis]

That's bold. Yeah. Are you doing Blu Ray?

[Nicole Byer]

No, I never got into Blu Ray.

[George Severis]

Yeah, I didn't either.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't really understand.

[Sam Taggart]

Don't talk to my husband about this.

[George Severis]

Oh, is your husband.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, my God. He loves Blu Rays, I swear.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait, really?

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. He'll be like, vol, not on Blu Ray yet. And I'm like, it's the same thing.

[Nicole Byer]

That's very funny.

[Sam Taggart]

He's like, no, it's obviously not the same thing. It's Blu Ray.

[Nicole Byer]

That's really funny. I just bought the Craven DVD because it has an extended cut of the movie.

[Sam Taggart]

Wait, wait, the Marvel movie?

[Nicole Byer]

The last Sony Marvel movie ever made that they didn't promote because they thought it was going to do poorly.

[George Severis]

I've never even heard of this. Who's in it, baby?

[Nicole Byer]

Aaron Taylor Joy. And not Anya.

[George Severis]

Aaron Taylor Johnson.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay. And I always get it wrong. And then whenever people are like, but. And I'm like, I don't know what his last name is.

[Sam Taggart]

No, it's too hard.

[Nicole Byer]

And then the lady. Who. Angela Bassett did the thing.

[Sam Taggart]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Nicole Byer]

And then Russell Crowe is in it, doing an accent.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, well, he's gonna do an accent.

[Nicole Byer]

It's. I love it.

[Sam Taggart]

You love this movie.

[Nicole Byer]

I can't tell you.

[George Severis]

So Ariana DeBose is in the Marvel Cinematic Universe?

[Nicole Byer]

Technically, yes.

[Sam Taggart]

Sony side.

[Nicole Byer]

Princess Sony side. But I don't even know if, like, you can say she. They CGI'd so much of it. Her dialogue is like ADR. They really tinkered with her performance.

[Sam Taggart]

This movie is called Craven.

[Nicole Byer]

Craven.

[Sam Taggart]

You should be on the COVID of Craven magazine.

[Nicole Byer]

I would.

[Sam Taggart]

And it'll say. It'll be a big photo of you and it'll say, craven is the future.

[Nicole Byer]

I would die. I would die. And I stand by it. I loved it.

[Sam Taggart]

This is so amazing. What did you love about it?

[Nicole Byer]

I just. I love the story. I. I don't. I honestly, I don't have good taste in movies. Like, I love the Avatars. Well, my reasoning is.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, I. In the sense that I always go see them, like, probably opening weekend and with a lot of excitement, and I never watched them.

[Nicole Byer]

I same. I've never watched them since.

[George Severis]

Yeah, I missed the second one, and now I feel like it's too late to get back in. But I've heard there's a new horny avatar.

[Nicole Byer]

A horny avatar? Oh, she is kind of horny.

[Sam Taggart]

You have to go see it.

[George Severis]

It.

[Nicole Byer]

It's fun. Okay, I liked it.

[George Severis]

Is it not boring?

[Sam Taggart]

No. Pop an edible.

[George Severis]

Okay, here's the thing.

[Nicole Byer]

It might be boring. The second movie, my favorite part was the 30 minutes where they just swam and the whales did poetry.

[Sam Taggart]

I love when they just swim.

[George Severis]

Okay, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna take DMT and go drive.

[Nicole Byer]

Drunk and cat Avatar chain smoking in the.

[George Severis]

In the theater. They're trying to arrest me. I'm saying, sorry. I have European citizenship.

[Sam Taggart]

No, it's really, really heaven. I was watching this most recent one, and, like, I was on an edible, and I was sort of like, I lost the plot. And I was like, so has James Cameron.

[Nicole Byer]

He really has.

[Sam Taggart]

I was like, just enjoy the water.

[George Severis]

Well, you know, I've actually already said this on mic on this podcast, but I heard. I saw this amazing interview with James Cameron where he was like, Zoe Saldana had one way of walking as an avatar, but then this new horny one walks pelvis first.

[Nicole Byer]

Actually, I see it. That makes sense. That makes sense.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm curious, as Craven's number one fan, have you found community there?

[George Severis]

Yeah, like, have you found.

[Sam Taggart]

Are you, like, on the Reddit. Reddit for Craven?

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, I didn't even think about that. I wonder if there's other people out there who liked it because, like, universally people hated it.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, you're the only person I've ever met who's ever seen it.

[George Severis]

Well, we love Madame Web.

[Nicole Byer]

I loved Madam Web.

[Sam Taggart]

That's.

[Nicole Byer]

Madame Web doesn't work at home. It only works with strangers in public because everyone together gets to realize, like, whoa, what is this?

[George Severis]

And, you know, we watched it in 4D, so we also got water sprayed on our faces.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait, that seems like fun.

[George Severis]

It was really fun. I actually had to put my jacket over the seat in front of me so that then my jacket was really wet. At the end of.

[Sam Taggart]

Was winter in New York City. You're walking around a wet jacket.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm. That's a treat. After seeing that movie and being wet. Ooh wee.

[George Severis]

Talk about adr.

[Nicole Byer]

ADR and all of the actors and actresses being in a different movie completely.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, my God, I loved it.

[Nicole Byer]

There was a. Like, at one point, we all decided that it was gonna be like Rocky Horror style. Like, I can't remember what the moment was, but, like, somebody in the audience went, no.

[George Severis]

What?

[Nicole Byer]

And then from that moment on, anytime something loony happened, we'd be like, no.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, and then this also was like, Sydney Sweeney. Like, I was about to say, that.

[George Severis]

Was the first time she forgot how to act. Exactly. Now, she used to know.

[Sam Taggart]

She used to know. She used to really.

[George Severis]

Euphoria.

[Sam Taggart]

Euphoria.

[George Severis]

Oh, and the movie where she randomly plays reality winner.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, I never saw that. And White Lotus, of course.

[George Severis]

And White Lotus, of course.

[Nicole Byer]

These are all things I have not seen.

[George Severis]

Oh, well, you got busy rewatching Craven.

[Nicole Byer]

God, I. I've seen it no less than a hundred times.

[Sam Taggart]

Nuh.

[Nicole Byer]

I love it.

[Sam Taggart]

We. You are so fascinating.

[Nicole Byer]

I also love Venom.

[George Severis]

This is why you're on the COVID This is why you're on the COVID of podcast. Because I like bad movies. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Cried during Venom. Because it's about friendships, really.

[George Severis]

Well, Venom I'm interested in because that's Tom Hardy. Yeah, well, he's very hot to me.

[Nicole Byer]

He is hot. And he. He's having a nice time.

[George Severis]

Yes. And I love.

[Sam Taggart]

I love when someone's having fun.

[George Severis]

I love Furio. What is it called? Mad Max.

[Nicole Byer]

Mad Max. Furiosa Road.

[George Severis]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

George was trying to get a furious road.

[George Severis]

Well, you know, I had. I had a slang term that I was trying to get. If you see someone, they look, they're slaying. You say you are looking Fabulosa Fury Road. And you can take that with you. Maybe in your next podcast magazine interview, maybe I will say, you know, my.

[Nicole Byer]

George spread it around.

[Sam Taggart]

Yes.

[George Severis]

He's trying to get it, Trying to get it to catch on.

[Sam Taggart]

And I actually think with time, this is sort of like magazines coming back. Like in 10 years, we're all gonna be reading magazines and we're all gonna be singing Fabulosa Fury Road.

[George Severis]

I just generally my sense of humor is really like. I really like this kind of like early 2000s, ideal joke. Ready? Mm. Casey Wilson in Happy Endings saying, I'm ozzing. That's the funniest thing. Like, I just like, like slightly changing language and. And that's it. That's the joke. And that's how I feel about Fabuloso Furo.

[Nicole Byer]

I have to agree. I like saying words.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Funny sometimes or.

[George Severis]

Yeah. Or just like the Californians on snl. The entire joke is that they're like, talking funny.

[Sam Taggart]

Sure, sure.

[George Severis]

Anyway, that's simple.

[Nicole Byer]

Simple, silly.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't like a joke I gotta think about.

[Sam Taggart]

No. God, no.

[George Severis]

One of my favorite jokes is 40 year old virgin. Her name is Gina, not Gina. Hilarious.

[Nicole Byer]

I also like just dumb jokes. And my cousin Vinnie, Joe Pesci was like, this guy thought I could be a litigator. I don't know what that is. I never Thought I could become a lawyer. And I think that's funny because a litigator is a lawyer and it's just silly.

[George Severis]

No, that's really good.

[Nicole Byer]

I love silly folks.

[Sam Taggart]

She loves craven. She loves silly.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, you're wrapping it up.

[George Severis]

Oh.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, that's kind of like.

[George Severis]

Any final thoughts on cruise ships? I feel like there is so much more we could get into. I don't want to keep you here for one more hour.

[Nicole Byer]

No, it's fine. Listen, I was. I was late.

[George Severis]

So the family element of it isn't. Because it's like it is all families with children.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[George Severis]

And there's something almost non sexual poly about the whole thing.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

It's like we are all part of. It's comm. It's commune, but so structured that it's not like. It's not, you know what it's sort of like. And people are gonna get mad. It's almost Burning man in this way where it's like. It's very enclosed rules. Commune, rather. The whole point of commune is freedom. But it's like, what if you take that and engulf it in so many rules and so many. And the fear of being excluded is always there. You're never actually fully relaxed.

[Sam Taggart]

I have another thing with cruise ships that I've only heard about and sometimes seen videos is when they do like little, like, pageants or like performances, like, with the guests. Like, it'll be like cannonball contest. It's like all the dads being like, oh, I got this one and that. Like, it's like, you can do that at home.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. I. I just. Cruises are lazy.

[George Severis]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

In a way where I feel like straight couples sometimes get really lazy in their relationships because you just buy the ticket and then you choose your own adventure after you're there. As opposed to like, let's go to this location.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Maybe like go to a coffee shop, meet a local and get a recommendation of like the best dinner you'll ever have. Or maybe you'll wander down a street and see something cool. I just. The thought of, like getting on. Getting on my vacation and that's it. Yeah.

[George Severis]

Well, you're pointing to all inclusive culture.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, God. And all.

[George Severis]

Resorts, cruises, even, like. Even like. I would go so far as to say think of like, gentrified city neighborhoods that are like where the seaport used to be, that have all the stores. You know what I mean? It's like. It's like, what if everything was a mall?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, I want all inclusive normal life. And then my vacation. I can Pay and do weird stuff.

[George Severis]

Oh, I actually agree with that. I would literally live in a dorm.

[Sam Taggart]

I want to live in a dorm. I want like a dining hall.

[George Severis]

Yeah. And. Well, you want that. That's why you like your gym. That's why your gym is all inclusive.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, I mean, you could find an apartment like that where there's like communal space.

[Sam Taggart]

I know, but then when you are like, with. It has to be everyone on earth.

[George Severis]

That has it because unfortunately it attracts the cruise.

[Sam Taggart]

If it's self selecting, I'll be able. I don't like these people.

[George Severis]

No, you're absolutely right. You're absolutely right.

[Sam Taggart]

But I think who knows what the future holds for this country? And I think maybe we could do that.

[George Severis]

We haven't even gotten into themed Broadway cruise, Disney cruise, Rosie o' Donnell cruise.

[Nicole Byer]

Rosie o' Donnell had a cruise.

[Sam Taggart]

Yes. I did not know that.

[George Severis]

Well, that one I would go to. Honestly.

[Sam Taggart]

Same.

[George Severis]

I love Rosie. Same.

[Nicole Byer]

I like Rosie o'. Donnell.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

A Disney cruise just seems insane to me.

[George Severis]

I know. Well, it's just like all these things already exist on land.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[George Severis]

If you want Disney cruise, go to Disneyland.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[George Severis]

If you want gay cruise, go to Provincetown. Just do the thing that exists already.

[Sam Taggart]

Is there like a. You know, I have to go there. Is there like a kink element to it where, like, knowing you are trapped?

[George Severis]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Sam Taggart]

It heightens the experience. Where, like, if you just go to Disney World, it's like, I know that when I go home, it's over, but here you're like, no, it's like, you're like.

[George Severis]

You're like, I'm gonna fuck Goofy.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm a sub for Disney for the next five days. The next five days. I don. Have a personality. I am simply Disney's sub.

[George Severis]

Yeah. No, there is something about surrendering your entire personality to it. There's no such thing as, like, what are we gonna have for dinner tonight? You're gonna have what's served, and it's.

[Sam Taggart]

Gonna be somehow Mickey Mousey.

[George Severis]

Exactly.

[Sam Taggart]

They'll find a way.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. There was a moment when it was kind of trendy for bands to do cruises. I don't think that happens as much anymore.

[Nicole Byer]

But yeah, I feel like it was like the Backstreet Boys cruise or the NSYNC cruise.

[Sam Taggart]

Weezer did a cruise.

[George Severis]

Oh.

[Sam Taggart]

And it was like, okay.

[Nicole Byer]

Do they sing Stacy's mom? Is that.

[Sam Taggart]

That's Fountains of Wayne.

[Nicole Byer]

Who does Weezer do?

[George Severis]

What's the. You know, it's funny. I'm blanking. Like, I. I've owned Weezer albums. I'm blanking on it.

[Sam Taggart]

Beverly Hills Sweater Song.

[George Severis]

Now that I don't know.

[Nicole Byer]

How does that one go?

[Sam Taggart]

If you want to destroy my sweater. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You guys know this song?

[George Severis]

I actually don't know.

[Sam Taggart]

It's a hit song. Everybody knows this song.

[Nicole Byer]

Never heard of it.

[Sam Taggart]

One day, oh, my God.

[George Severis]

I'm sure everyone will be on your side.

[Sam Taggart]

Everyone knows I was a huge Weezer head for.

[George Severis]

Oh, you were?

[Nicole Byer]

Did you get on a Weezer cruise?

[George Severis]

I thought about it, and their whole thing is that each album is a different color.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, yes.

[Nicole Byer]

And that's their whole thing. Not music, just the color of that album cover.

[Sam Taggart]

The whole thing is that the first two albums are really good and everything else is kind of bad. Okay, so they were, like, the first to do that.

[George Severis]

You know, My secret is huge Red Hot Chili Peppers fan.

[Sam Taggart]

What do you mean?

[George Severis]

Literally love all their music.

[Sam Taggart]

No wonder he's loving Cali.

[George Severis]

Literally love all their music.

[Sam Taggart]

All their music. Yeah. Unbelievable.

[Nicole Byer]

Is Dave Nirvano in Red Hot Chili Peppers. Navarro.

[Sam Taggart]

Right.

[Nicole Byer]

What did I say?

[Sam Taggart]

You were combining him with, like, you were saying, like, Dave Nirvana. Basically.

[George Severis]

Dave Nirvana. The founder of Nirvana. Do you remember when Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra had a reality show?

[Sam Taggart]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

No.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

The one time I've been starstruck on.

[George Severis]

An airplane, I've been on Blu Ray.

[Nicole Byer]

Was with Dave Navarro.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

What made you starstruck?

[Nicole Byer]

I just love him. I love Ink Master.

[George Severis]

Oh, my God. Ink Master. You know, I used to watch the Kat Von D one, but then I think she's like a Nazi now.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I used to watch Kat Von.

[George Severis]

D on LA Ink. I thought it was so good. I really wanted to.

[Nicole Byer]

I think something happened.

[George Severis]

Whoa.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm not sure if it's Nazi.

[George Severis]

Yeah. Please write in. We're willing to, like, retract.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, let. Let us know.

[Sam Taggart]

Let us know. We'll retract anything.

[George Severis]

I'm willing to. First of all, at the very least, I'm willing to bet she's Anti Vax. I'll stand by that.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, probably.

[George Severis]

I know. I really. It was like. I was so impressionable when I was watching. I was, like, so excited to get really complicated tattoos as an adult.

[Nicole Byer]

Do you have tattoo? Do you choose?

[George Severis]

I have none.

[Nicole Byer]

None. Not one.

[Sam Taggart]

And actually, me either.

[Nicole Byer]

Really?

[George Severis]

Yeah. That's one of the. And actually, I. Because we both don't have tattoos. Literally, one of the. I mean, I also don't think at this point I want any. But one of the reasons I don't want any is because I'm like, I can't have one. And Sam does like, we can't. That just wouldn't look right. It would not look right.

[Sam Taggart]

Like George actually showed such bravery with an earring. And then a few years later I, Sam got the same earring.

[Nicole Byer]

Really funny.

[George Severis]

But I've actually been thinking recently that I want a. A bigger, chunkier earring. And I actually haven't brought it up to Sam yet because I'm not sure.

[Nicole Byer]

If Sam, would you go for a bigger, chunkier one?

[George Severis]

I would go for bigger, chunkier.

[Sam Taggart]

I think we could mismatch. You can be bigger, chunkier. I can still be.

[George Severis]

I'll try out bigger, chunkier.

[Sam Taggart]

Here's something. I don't know how to take my earring out.

[Nicole Byer]

Do you clean it?

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, I'll rinse it with soap and water.

[Nicole Byer]

Get some like hydrogen peroxide and fucking clean it.

[Sam Taggart]

How do I get it out?

[Nicole Byer]

Well, you open it.

[George Severis]

Yeah. It bends so you can just like go like that. And then, then.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, God.

[George Severis]

But then it's a nightmare to get it in. It's a nightmare to get back on.

[Nicole Byer]

That's wild. You gotta take out your earring.

[George Severis]

What's your favorite tattoo that you have? I love the bicycle.

[Nicole Byer]

Thank you. Underneath it it says A little fatty. Cuz one day I was like, if I ever become a rapper, my name will be Little Fatty.

[George Severis]

So let's tattoo that and then see how I feel about it.

[Nicole Byer]

And I guess what never became a rapper.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

There's still time.

[Nicole Byer]

I think my favorite ones are on my butt. It I have a menagerie of food and dumb puns. They're not even puns. They're like a bunch of sweets that say it's sweet. Just taste it. A hot dog that says and a hamburger says, stick it in these buns.

[George Severis]

This is butt cheeks.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[George Severis]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

Fruit that says juicy. Oh, and then a lady wearing a peanut costume. She's like a little pin up wearing a peanut costume. And then her hat says I love nuts.

[George Severis]

So this is sort of like stickers you would get on Venice Beach.

[Sam Taggart]

So it's sort of stickers you would get on Venice.

[George Severis]

And you and Sasheer both have tattoos.

[Nicole Byer]

So that matches are more meaningful.

[George Severis]

Okay, but you guys match and we met. It's like important for that.

[Sam Taggart]

It's important to me.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[George Severis]

Hers are more serious. They're like, I love democracy.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Sam Taggart]

It's like, seriously, you guys.

[Nicole Byer]

Seriously, Seriously, you guys. We do have a matching one that says goodnight world, which makes it sound like we're going to kill ourselves.

[George Severis]

Yeah, that's really like. That's crazy.

[Sam Taggart]

Actually pretty bleak.

[George Severis]

That is shocking. You need to at least put a little like smiley face next to herself.

[Nicole Byer]

Good night world. Gotta get out of here.

[George Severis]

Wow.

[Sam Taggart]

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[George Severis]

Live for race day.

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[George Severis]

Okay, you guys, let's go on a cruise.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. Seriously?

[Nicole Byer]

All right, let's do it.

[Sam Taggart]

If a cruise were like a day podcast, I want to go on a boat ride.

[Nicole Byer]

I would do a yacht.

[Sam Taggart]

I would love.

[George Severis]

I love a yacht.

[Nicole Byer]

Yachts are fun.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, my God, that's so fun.

[Nicole Byer]

That's great.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, let's do that.

[George Severis]

I can't believe I've, I'm almost embarrassed to say that I've never been on a yacht. Surely by this time in my life I should have been on a yacht.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm actually. My access to boats has actually greatly decreased than what it once was.

[George Severis]

Well, because your parents always lived seaside.

[Nicole Byer]

That's true, that's true. And you never got on a yacht with your.

[George Severis]

Your parents?

[Sam Taggart]

Never been on a yacht. I mean, sometimes it would be like, this person has a 20 foot boat and we're gonna go to it, but then you get there and the boat's just sitting there like, it's just like parked. And I'm like, well, that's what's, what's the fun?

[Nicole Byer]

Well, that's crazy to, like, party on a parked boat.

[Sam Taggart]

They love to do that because they're like, oh, it's so much gas. And I'm like, well, if you have.

[Nicole Byer]

The money to get the boat, oh, yeah, let's go.

[George Severis]

Yeah, it's like people who live on boats and they're like, it's amazing. There's no property taxes. You're like, so you're unhoused.

[Sam Taggart]

That's good.

[Nicole Byer]

There's no property taxes, so you're unhoused.

[George Severis]

That's really funny.

[Sam Taggart]

If you aren't paying property taxes, honey, you're unhoused.

[George Severis]

Did you end up watching that movie I recommended where Marisa Tomei plays a tugboat captain?

[Sam Taggart]

No, I never watched that movie.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait, what is it?

[Sam Taggart]

Recommendation was like, this movie's so bad.

[George Severis]

No, it's good.

[Nicole Byer]

I love Marissa Tomei.

[George Severis]

She's so good.

[Sam Taggart]

You might. This might be your new Craven.

[Nicole Byer]

Maybe. What's it called?

[George Severis]

It's called Then She Found Me. Peter Dinklage, Marissa Tomei, Anne Hathaway.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay.

[George Severis]

Written by Rebecca Miller, Arthur Miller's daughter.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, I love how much you know about this movie. And is it good?

[George Severis]

You know?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I love when voices go up, you know?

[George Severis]

Marisa Tomei, tugboat captain. Anne Hathaway, therapist. Peter Dinklage, opera auteur.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay, what is that?

[Sam Taggart]

And they're all in the same movie.

[George Severis]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm here for it.

[George Severis]

And it's a love triangle.

[Nicole Byer]

Good movie. Roofman.

[George Severis]

Yes, I just saw Roofman.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't. It was not marketed for what the movie actually was.

[George Severis]

No, not at all.

[Nicole Byer]

Which was so good.

[George Severis]

Canning, That's a movie star.

[Nicole Byer]

He was so fucking good in it.

[George Severis]

Literally the only movie star we have. Him. And. And I mean. Yes, Timmy, but I'm like, getting. Yeah, I'm getting too small. Getting frustrated with.

[Sam Taggart]

Thank you.

[Nicole Byer]

Too small.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm like, can we body shame him for being too small?

[Nicole Byer]

Twink.

[George Severis]

Yeah, Twink.

[Sam Taggart]

It's also like, you can't be Twink forever.

[George Severis]

I know.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm bored.

[George Severis]

Grow up.

[Nicole Byer]

Also, did you see the Pinball? What? Not pinball, the Party Supreme. Yeah, yeah, I saw the trailer and it looked like a fake movie.

[George Severis]

No, no, you'll like it.

[Sam Taggart]

You'll like it.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't think so.

[George Severis]

Watch it.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, you'll like it.

[George Severis]

You'll like it. You'll like it.

[Nicole Byer]

Really?

[Sam Taggart]

It's like if Craven lived in New York.

[George Severis]

Yes. If Craven lived in a tenement in New York and his mom was Fran Drescher and then he went to Japan to play ping pong.

[Sam Taggart]

You'd really like it.

[George Severis]

I don't know.

[Nicole Byer]

It seems like a drama. Dramatization of when Forrest Gump played ping pong in the military after Vietnam.

[George Severis]

You know, it's not. Not that.

[Sam Taggart]

No, you are kind of right.

[George Severis]

You're hitting the nail on the paddle.

[Sam Taggart]

I think we should do our final segment.

[George Severis]

I literally agree.

[Sam Taggart]

Will you introduce it?

[George Severis]

Yes, Nicole. Our final segment is called Shout Outs. And in this segment, we pay homage to the great straight tradition of the radio shout out. You're shouting out something you love to your friends back home. You're saying, I want to give a shout out to my cousin. She just got engaged. That's the vibe. And we think of them on the spot. And that's why I'm stalling, because we both have to think of them on the spot. So we'll go first and then you'll go.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay?

[George Severis]

I am. Okay. Okay. You ready?

[Sam Taggart]

Okay.

[George Severis]

Yes. What's up?

[Sam Taggart]

This is based on things we talked about on this podcast and maybe even something that you shouted out merely two days ago. But I want to give a shout out to watching a movie that George does recommend, actually, and even talks about so that I can talk about it maybe three days after he talked about it. So shout out to the housemaid, which I watched and I actually really liked it, and I said, finally, a made for TV movie that's not made for tv and.

[George Severis]

Right.

[Sam Taggart]

And Amanda Seygfried, we don't know how to say your name properly on this podcast. We will never come to a consensus. And that's okay. We love what you're doing. That's all that really matters. We support you more than almost anyone on earth. And I think we are on record as such, from now until the end of time. Sydney Sweeney. Hang in there.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, you know, hang in there.

[George Severis]

It'll come back.

[Sam Taggart]

You know, I get it, too. I do that too. You know, sometimes. Our intersection.

[Nicole Byer]

I do that too.

[George Severis]

Yeah, you do it too.

[Sam Taggart]

You know, when, like, you do a show, Defend Eugenics.

[Nicole Byer]

What do you mean?

[Sam Taggart]

Sometimes your head's not in the right space and, like, you'll, you know, you'll hang in there. You'll bounce on back. We are waiting with open arms.

[George Severis]

We're ready to welcome you back.

[Nicole Byer]

There's tears in your eyes.

[Sam Taggart]

So shout out to everybody. Shout out to that guy who's in that movie who I've never seen before.

[George Severis]

Oh, yeah, he was in that.

[Nicole Byer]

He was in the. The Ahma smack you.

[George Severis]

He was in Drop. Is that what you're talking about? No. Oh, oh, you're talking about where she's.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, wait, he did hit me in my head near the oven and slap my face and like.

[George Severis]

But he played the good guy.

[Nicole Byer]

I think he played the bat. Oh, wait, you're right. He did play the good guy.

[George Severis]

And he was also in Drop with Megan Fahey.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, shout out to that guy. He is hot. And. And he did a good job. And shout out to whoever did the sound cues for that movie. You were a bit off.

[George Severis]

No, definitely a bit off.

[Sam Taggart]

But that's okay. Like, we love that. And that.

[Nicole Byer]

That's. What do you mean by the sound cues? Sorry, I'm really interrupting you.

[George Severis]

Music supervision.

[Sam Taggart]

It's just like, people would kiss and they'd be like, okay, play that song now. And you'd be like, that song now, I wasn't understanding the vision, but other than that, I love the movie. And I said, I'm having fun. And thank you, Paul Feig, for the incredible film. Xoxo. Sam?

[George Severis]

Yes.

[Sam Taggart]

Was that nice or mean?

[George Severis]

That was really nice. Is going to reblog that you said.

[Nicole Byer]

That you liked the movie, that you were entertained.

[Sam Taggart]

I was very entertained.

[George Severis]

I want to give a shout out to. I actually tried to touch on this when we were talking to Yasser, and I feel like it wasn't a fully formed thought. I want to give a shout out to straight men who have a gay aesthetic obsession, and Paul Feig is one of them. Paul Feig is a straight man, but he's, like, obsessed with his suits. He's. His hair is always on point. He is like. I think Donald Trump is someone who is like this.

[Sam Taggart]

He casts Amanda Seyfried.

[George Severis]

He cast Amanda Seyfried. Donald Trump, in a different way, cares about aesthetics, and his taste is not what mine is, but he does care about aesthetics. I think that so many kind of, like, toxic male directors are like this. I just think that basically the most powerful people in the world are straight men who have a gay aesthetic sensibility, and so many of them use it for evil. And I would like to challenge all of them to use it for good in the way that Paul Feig does. So get out there and proverbially cast Amanda Seyfried in your next project. Whether that means fighting for social justice, whether that means running for office with progressive politics, whether that means donating your money to a good cause, I say you guys have all the power, and it is about time you use it.

[Nicole Byer]

I would like to shout out my pole studio in North Hollywood, Luscious Maven Studios, and my poll teacher, Veronica. She is really wonderful and made me enjoy moving my body. Unlike Bungie Fitness in Burbank, where the instructor was so rude to me and was so mean, and I hate them. Bungee. I think it's Bungee Air Fitness and Burbank. They are not nice. I don't like them. This happened last year and I'm still carrying this grudge.

[Sam Taggart]

That's awesome.

[George Severis]

Pole dancing. I love pole dancing and bungee.

[Sam Taggart]

What's bungee?

[Nicole Byer]

Bungee fitness. Air Bungee Fitness in Burbank. They put you in a harness and then you do, like, a workout.

[George Severis]

So that's not pole.

[Nicole Byer]

It's like resistance. No, it's not. Pole pull feels nicer and more inclusive.

[George Severis]

I've seen the bungee. I've seen videos of the Bungee. You know, my dream is to take someone and then launch them. You take you. You grab someone and then you launch them. Sort of see how far they can go.

[Sam Taggart]

That's the whole dream.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, you can do that.

[George Severis]

Yeah, but, like, I don't want them to know I'm coming.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, that's really funny.

[George Severis]

Wouldn't that be funny?

[Sam Taggart]

I mean, George, you know, I know you're not taking any meetings, but I think this idea has some legs. Yeah, I think you should go around town.

[George Severis]

Comedy Bungie.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. Everyone's looking for a quick hit these days, you know, I know.

[George Severis]

I need to get into short form. Video.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, Nicole, thank you so much for doing the podcast.

[Nicole Byer]

Thank you for having me.

[George Severis]

Where can people find you?

[Nicole Byer]

I'm always hidden on Instagram, on Twitter. I still like Twitter.

[George Severis]

Really?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Wow.

[Nicole Byer]

I see funny things.

[George Severis]

No, I do, too. I ultimately do.

[Sam Taggart]

I ultimately read it every single day.

[George Severis]

Yeah, it's kind of crazy.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I like it.

[George Severis]

We don't have time, but you know what? I recently discovered Threads. What's going on?

[Nicole Byer]

Threads is crazy.

[George Severis]

It is insane.

[Nicole Byer]

It's really, like, unhinged.

[Sam Taggart]

I looked at it.

[George Severis]

Oh, it. Sam, look at it for 24 hours and then never look at it again because you can get lost in it. It is like people are still stuck in 2017 in the weirdest way.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. It's real. Like, if you think Twitter is, like, mentally ill, people, like, Threads is like, they're off the mez, kids.

[George Severis]

No, they're.

[Nicole Byer]

They're not having a nice time.

[Sam Taggart]

The meds, they're, like, angry.

[Nicole Byer]

Angry, self righteous. Self righteous. Or like, argumentative? Like, posting about, like, weird. Like, I just saw a post where someone was like, I was on a plane and someone reclined their seat. And I was like, we're still talking about that.

[George Severis]

And then. And then it'll be like a huge debate about it. People accusing each other of ableism. People being like, this is finding. It's, like, old. It's literally like. Like the worst side of Twitter in 2017.

[Sam Taggart]

Wow.

[Nicole Byer]

It's wild.

[George Severis]

Crazy. Well.

[Sam Taggart]

You gotta check it out.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, check it out. Rot that brain a little bit more.

[George Severis]

Sucker brain.

[Sam Taggart]

Thank you, Mark.

[George Severis]

Thank you, Paige.

[Sam Taggart]

Thank you, Paul Feig.

[George Severis]

Thank you all. Men.

[Sam Taggart]

Thanks, Men. Okay, bye.

[Nicole Byer]

Bye.

[George Severis]

Podcast ends now. For our visual learners. You can watch full video episodes on our YouTube channel and subscribe to our.

[Sam Taggart]

Patreon for two extra episodes a month.

[George Severis]

At patreon.com Stradiolab Stradiolab is a production.

[Sam Taggart]

By Will Ferrell's Big Money players. Network and iHeart podcasts created and hosted.

[George Severis]

By me, George Severis and Sam Taggart.

[Sam Taggart]

Executive produced by Jenna Cagle, co produced.

[George Severis]

By Becca Ramos, edited by Lauren Stumpf and mixed and mastered by Doug Behm.

[Sam Taggart]

Artwork by Michael Fails and Matt Grubb Theme music by Ben.

[Nicole Byer]

At CVS it matters that we're not just in your community, but that we're part of it. It matters that we're here for you when you need us, day or night, and we want everyone to feel welcomed and rewarded. It matters that CVS is here to fill your prescriptions and here to fill your craving for a tasty and yeah, healthy snack. At cvs, we're proud to serve your community because we believe where you get your medicine matters. So Visit [e-mail] or just come by our store. We can't wait to meet you. Store hours vary by location.

[George Severis]

This is Julian Edelman from Dudes on Dudes with Gronk and Jewels Sunday mornings I've got my game day ritual, Coffee, Lucky socks and now new Morning Uncrustable Sandwiches.

[Sam Taggart]

It's all about that 12 gram protein boost with the new Uncrustables, Bright Eyed Berry or Up and Apple flavors.

[George Severis]

Bright Eye Berries got a feisty receiver.

[Sam Taggart]

Energy up an apple. Your classic Do it all tight end.

[George Severis]

Soft pillowy, packed with protein and easy enough for Gronk to grab from the freezer.

[Sam Taggart]

Whether you're on the couch, driving to the tailgate or heading to the locker room, new Morning Uncrustable Sandwiches are the MVP of snacks.

[George Severis]

Your new Sunday kickoff ritual starts here with new Morning Uncrustable sandwiches packed with 12 grams of protein.

[Sam Taggart]

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[Sam Taggart]

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[George Severis]

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[Nicole Byer]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.